Friend Or Foe? | Reading Reddit Stories

- Welcome to "Reddit Stories". I'm Shayne, and today's theme is all about friendship. We got friendships that are probably not gonna do so well. Joining me today are two friends. - Wow. (laughs). - That's crazy. Was there a question mark in there? - Yeah. (everyone laughs). - Just a healthy hesitation, I guess. - I'm running out of like ways to intro my guests. I feel like I've gone through every single, you know, noun.

- Get nasty with it now. - [Shayne] Okay. - These mother (beep). - [Shayne] Some sauce on it. - Some sauce. (everyone laughs). Some sauce on it. - I'm here with Tommy and Courtney. - Hi. - Hi. - I would put you in my MySpace top eight. - Same. - Really? - Yeah. I never had a MySpace though. - Oh. - Wow. - Someone made me one, never gave me the login. (crew laughs). Don't know how that worked. - They pretended to be you for years. - Oh my god. That's why the FBI's after me. - Oh. - Yeah. We can kind of gauge as we read these stories. how much we think these friendships are gonna last. - Okay.

- How badly these friends have betrayed each other, perhaps. I don't know. We'll get a sense of it. It's Reddit. These friendships can't be doing too hot. - No. We should do a friendship meter. - Oh, yeah, on one to 10 of how good-. - One to 10 of how-. - Good their friendship is. - Yeah. Yep. - How good friend? - How good friend is. - How good friend. Our first story, this title, very fun. "True Off My Chest. "I broke off from a friend group I've known for seven years. "over a tab at Chili's.".

- Oh. - It's happened to us all. - I... Yeah. That makes sense. - Wow. - Chili's is the real test. - Chili's makes us or breaks us all. - That's what they always say. - Things stack up at Chili's. - They do. - "I, a 20-year-old woman, have been friends. "with these two girls, Charlie, who's 20, "and Alex, who's 19. "We have been very close since middle school. "and get along and fan girl over the same anime, "K-pop bands, artists, et cetera. "One day we decided to go to our favorite spot, Chili's. "We always separate the bill, and there are zero issues.

"However, Alex decides they want to invite a male friend, "John, 18, which is fine with all of us. "The food was good as usual. "Then the server asked if we want to split the check. "Then Charlie, who usually wants to split the check. "every time we go out and eat, says, 'All on one.'. "I thought it was just her feeling generous that day. "But then they started giving John shit-eating grins. "Charlie said, 'John, you're paying for us all, "'just to be clear.'. "John said, 'What?' with visible confusion on his face. "Alex and Charlie giggle, get up, and they leave.

"They signaled me to go as well, "but I was just as confused as John was. "WTF just happened? "Me and John sit there awkwardly. "The check comes to $125, "and I tell the server to give us a moment. "to provide payment. "I only had enough for me, $30, "and John only had enough for him, $40. "Charlie texted in our group chat. "asking if I was coming with them. "I asked them, 'What the (beep) are you doing?'. "Then they went on to say. "that John should want to impress us. "and that it's a man's role to treat us like princesses.

"or some BS. "I thought they were joking, but they were dead serious. "And upon me going outside to physically confront them, "turns out they were serious. "because they left me and John with no ride and the tab. "I called my dad to ask if he could spare me $60. "and said he could just cut off my allowance for two weeks, "but he agreed with Alex and Charlie. "and said that this is John's problem now and not mine. "It was like a scene out of a movie. "I was in complete disbelief. "I explained the situation to the server who was super cool. "and told us if we couldn't pay now, "I could just leave a number.

"and they would charge me tomorrow. "Out of one last ditch effort, "I called my uncle for the money. "and he immediately understood and sent me the money.". - Aw. - "He even said he would be there to pick me and John up. "I pay the tab. "I apologize heavily to John about this entire situation, "but he was actually really chill and super grateful. "for what I was doing. "He explained he only had $40 from his birthday money. "and decided to spend it with his friends. "I get a text from Alex in the group chat. "asking if John paid for the tab. "I said, 'No, I did,' and they got mad at me. "Then my dad asked what happened.

"I told him the truth, that his brother paid for the tab, "and he got mad at me. "Do I live in the Twilight Zone? "Am I crazy for not wanting. "to ruin a friend's life over Chili's? "Anyways, after Alex said, "'I'm just not going to invite guys to our plans anymore,'. "I left the group chat and blocked both Alex and Charlie. "John also cut ties with them, "and we have started talking more and more, "and we sometimes play 'Fortnite' together. "Anyways the moral of the story, "you think you know someone.". - They're gonna fall in love. - They're gonna. fall in love now. - They're gonna fall. in love, mate. That's so weird. It feels like a bunch of like young women.

learned the word chivalry for the first time. and like decided to test it out. Like, test it out the old-. - Yeah. They're so young. Like, they're like 18, 19, 20. It's like, these are young people. Like, leave those people. That's fine. You're gonna make other friends. - I recall back when I was a teenager, shitty people love to find an excuse-. - Yeah. - To be shitty. You know, that's just what it seems like it is. It's just like, "Oh, well he should want to.".

It's like you guys just wanted to screw someone over. - Right. - Like, you wanted to like take advantage of someone. You wanted to get a free meal. You're blaming it on this. - Yeah. - It's so confusing. Like, it felt like all the other friends. knew what the plan was except for OP. - Right. Why didn't the other two let her know? - Yeah. - 'Cause then she could have been like, "No, we're not doing that.". - And just to try this on somebody feels so weird. Chivalry exists in terms of like, you know, wanting to extend your hand or kindnesses or things.

as like a form of politeness. But like there's dynamics at play here. Like, not just any guy is gonna have the knowledge. or the means to like do these things at such a young age. Like, this kid doesn't have a full-time job, but he's like, "Yeah, I got it, guys.". Like, hello? - With his freaking birthday money. - The kid is 18. He's the youngest of them all it sounds like. - It's not like has a salary. - They were bullying this boy. Like, they're 19 and 20,

and he was younger than all of them. They're expecting this kid who's younger than all of them. to pay for all of their meals at Chili's? - If you're gonna test someone's chivalry, which is just like (mock gags) whatever, have the meal and then see if he offers it, but be prepared to pay for yourself. - [Courtney] Sure. - If you wanna do that. - Yeah, some people like to get a nice meal, and a date can be the way, but it's like we're not about. to like have three people expect one person. - [Tommy] That's crazy. - Like, when you're on a date, you wanna see like how we give and take.

in an experience like that. But like, this is so, it's so weird. - If I'm spending $125 at Chili's, something is wrong. - Yeah. - That's also true. I mean, it's been a long time since I've eaten at Chili's. I don't know how expensive it is. But it just fully feels like, you're right, bullying. Like, this was an excuse to bully, excuse to take advantage of someone. - This poor guy. - I think the dad agreed. just 'cause he didn't wanna deal with it. - Yeah. - That's my theory is he's just like, "Oh god.". - And then the sweet uncle.

The uncle not only-. - [Shayne] Yeah, actually a good guy. - Got you. Cool uncle alert. #CoolUncle. Cool Uncle, TM. Cool Uncle, copyright. Inc.co. Very cool uncle. - All rights reserved. - All rights reserved, rising. - Yeah, well, yeah. They invited him there, and then expect him to pay the bill. The only time I think the expectation can be there is, I don't even know if there is a time, but unless like I invited you guys. I was like, "Hey, come to Chili's.". No, not even then. - I'm gonna... But if you said, "And I'm gonna cover it.".

- And I'm gonna cover it. Then you expect it. - It has to be like known. - But otherwise putting it on one person. is always kind of a douche move. - Sometimes if I wanna hang out with somebody, I'll be like, "I'll buy you a meal if you hang out with me.". - Yeah. And that's-. (everyone laughs). - They'll be sure to come if I buy them a meal. - Trade offer. Yeah. I have your quality time. You have a meal. (everyone laughs). - There's a lot of comments. "I'm a mom to both girls and a boy who are around your age. "This is so wrong of your so-called friends and your dad.

"I'd be so angry if this happened to my son. "At this age, everyone should pay their own way. "unless otherwise stated.". Yeah, at that age, everyone's (beep) broke. - Yeah! - Nobody has money when they're 20. - Yeah. - Someone said, "Wow. "I cannot believe your dad was fine with this situation. "You did the right thing, and your friends were classless.". Yeah. Lastly, someone said, "Your friends and your dad are completely assholes. "John was under no obligation to pay for anyone but himself. "To assume he is going to pay for everyone. "is just beyond me. "Glad you had the class to stay and help with the bill.

"I would've told the waitress to split it four ways. "after those two girls walked out, "then give the restaurant their information. "so they can be responsible for their own meals.". OP responded, "I was considering many options, "but my main thing was I didn't wanna make a giant scene. "in front of someone I don't even know. "Easier options first, then harder ones. "In reality, "this probably would've been the smarter option.". Yeah, the fact that they got up and left too. - Yeah. - Then I'm really like, this is... - Yeah. - You didn't assume that he was actually going to pay.

You dine and dashed. - That's like borderline. dine and dashing, yeah. - I think they effectively dine and dashed. and tried to pin it on someone else. - Yeah, exactly. - So sad. I mean, those friends are fortunate that OP wasn't like, "Okay, well now you owe my uncle money.". - Those are the types of people at that age, or in any age, that you do need to cut off. because they're gonna get you in trouble. - Right. Yeah. - They're going to get you in trouble. Small update. - Oh. - "Me and John still play 'Fortnite'. "and have been dabbling in 'Overwatch' as well.". It's getting serious. (crew laughs).

"He's actually a very funny guy. "who is open about his feelings. "If we continue to connect this way-". - Yeah! - "I may ask him to go on a proper date. "Through some casual friends, "I learned that Alex and Charlie think I'm overreacting. "and the same BS as before, "that John should have wanted to impress us. "and that John should have had more money. "knowing he was going out to eat with three girls. "Shocker.". - It's to expect someone like to want to impress you. Like, there may have been a reality. where like if a guy wants to impress you, he will offer to do things. - [Tommy] He will impress you.

- Yeah. They will go outta their way to do it. This random guy gets invited to dinner and (laughs). - He's like, "What?". - It's sad 'cause I wonder where people are, like young people are getting their information from. - I know. - 'Cause I think that type of mindset. is being spread around a lot. Well, glad she got away from them. And she's playing "Overwatch". - With her love of her life. - The love of her life. - I hope they get a victory royale in the game. and with each other.

(crew laughs). Was that... - The immediate regret. - Mm... (Tommy laughs). - Mm... - All right, moving on. Our next story comes from Relationship Advice. This is a 25-year-old woman. "My best friend, a 24-year-old man, proposed to me. "I'm confused and mortified. "Where can we go from here?". So they're friends-. - To the altar? - Yeah, I was gonna say, to the Vegas chapel, baby. - They could get a victory royale in life.

"Frankly, I'm still in shock that this happened, "so this might be all over the place. "Bear with me. "All fake names, et cetera. "Jordan and I met in university two years ago. "We both started at the same time, "and because of our ages, "we were both considered mature students, "so we quickly became firm friends as we shared a dorm, "and we'd joke around together about us being old enough. "to be considered mature in our early 20s. "We weren't on the same course, "but given we lived together, "we would hang out pretty much all the time. "whenever we didn't have a lecture. "We joined a bunch of societies together,

"went drinking every weekend together, et cetera. "It was a pretty sweet gig. "because it meant we were at least never alone. "Obviously we made other friends both alone and together, "but we were always each other's number ones. "at the end of the day. "And while we haven't hung out constantly, "we decided to make plans to visit each other's hometowns. "because we're from very starkly different places. "Today we went to mine. "Mine is a big central city. "This morning we went there. "and were wandering down the streets doing some sightseeing. "because he's never been. "There's typically a lot of street sellers here.

"trying to sell you everything from hotdogs. "to fluffy Pokemon hats. "I decided I wanted to get a caricature done. "I have never had one, "and I thought it would be funny to get and hang over my bed. "when we got back for term. "I asked Jordan if he wanted to get in, and he refused. "No worries. So I sat down to get it done. "They don't take very long, five to 10-ish minutes. "So I stayed looking straightforward. "at the artist the entire time. "He finished the caricature, and I loved it. "So obviously I turned to show it properly to Jordan. "When I turned though, "I literally don't even know what to say. "He's down on one knee holding up a ring box.

"I don't even really know what he said, "if he did the whole proposal speech thing. "because I was so confused, I was barely paying attention. "Remember again, this is a super busy tourist city, "so this has drawn a mini crowd now. "coming over to cheer us on. "I couldn't help but burst into laughter. "To be honest, "I thought this was some kind of odd prank thing. "We never have been prankster types or whatever, "but I couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation, "so I just laughed and laughed and laughed. "until I looked at Jordan. "and he looked genuinely heartbroken. "So obviously I asked him something along the lines of,

"'You're not being serious?'. "This is the only thing I remember him saying. "He shut the box, stood up, shrugged, "and said, 'I guess not anymore,' and walked off.". - Oh. - "This left me standing pretty awkwardly. "in this gathered crowd of people, "a lot of who were giving me dirty looks, "which made me incredibly uncomfortable. "The plan was to meet back up at a hotel. "where we had booked rooms next door to one another. "So I figured that's where he's going. "and head back that way, but he's not there. "So I wait and I wait, and he still doesn't return.

"I texted him out of concern. "This was at a 1:15 PM. "It's currently 6:20 PM as I'm writing this. "Just asking if he's okay. "He responds with a long message back, "which I would post because it's an odd read, "but I won't out of respect for his privacy, "in which he basically accuses me of leading him on, "asking why I didn't break up with him sooner, "saying I had publicly humiliated him, "and that he thought I loved him the same way, "and that he felt our relationship was strong enough. "to consider taking the next step. "I literally have got no idea. "where in the world he's got this idea from.

"The closest we've ever physically been. "is a hug hello and goodbye. "I've never even jokingly flirted with him. "for exactly this reason. "I've had too many friendships collapse. "because they can't tell the difference. "between serious interest and joking banter in friendships, "so I've been extra careful not to. "We've never kissed, never been on a date, never had sex. "I do not find him physically attractive, "and I wouldn't wanna be in a relationship with him. "I don't understand where on earth he's got this idea. "that we are. "This isn't something he's ever brought up before, "and I'm genuinely bewildered. "He hasn't returned to the hotel yet.

"I periodically knock to check, "and I've been listening for him walking up the hallway. "or something. "Nothing. "I haven't responded to his long paragraph. "because honestly, I don't know how to. "I'm just so stunned and taken aback. "that I genuinely have no idea where to go from here. "or what to do. "I haven't told anyone I know in person yet, "mostly because I don't wanna bring this up. "to people who know Jordan. "So here I am turning to strangers on Reddit instead. "What in the world do I do?". - Whoa. - Guys, don't propose to someone.

if you haven't talked about proposing to someone, period. - [Courtney] Yeah. - End of sentence. - I totally agree with that. - It's a conversation you have with your partner. Hey, you thinking about getting married? Yeah, that'd be cool. Okay, yeah. Are you sure? - Literally. - Yes? - Yeah. - Okay. Then you can do a cute little surprise thing. Also, oh, the proposal's in front of people. - [Courtney] Ew. - The jumbotron in a crowded place. It's all so like-. - The caricature artist is drawing the proposal. and then they look so silly when he's proposing to her.

- It's just like, why make a big scene out of it? It's for you two. It's not a show. - Some people love it, but if he had talked to her and known. - And been like, "Do you want a big old fancy, crazy proposal? "Do you want me to just...". - And not only the like talk about a proposal, every step of the way is-. - Oh, there's been no discussion. - So many talks that have needed to happen first. - It always feels like such a silly conversation to be like, "So are we boyfriend girlfriend?". But like-.

- But yeah. - It is an important step to be like, "Hey, so are we exclusively dating?". - [Tommy] Right. - There's so many steps that they never discussed. - Yeah. - But in his head he thought they were. - It reminds me of a story we read a while back. where it was two people who were best friends. for a very long time, and suddenly this guy just started telling everybody. that they were dating. - [Shayne] Yeah. - And then he just tried to like kiss her one day, and she was so confused, and he was like, "Yeah, so you're my girlfriend now.". Like, claiming her.

And this doesn't sound like the same situation, but I just don't understand how... Like, that is so far from a relationship. if you've been operating this entire time in your own mind. and not communicating anything with the other person. There is no relationship there. - [Tommy] Yeah. - In reality and in each other's minds, like at all. - [Shayne] Right. - And how like damaging to the person who gets proposed to. to be like, "I thought... "Do I not know what a friendship looks like?". You know, it's like, "Oh, I trusted this person. "and now suddenly they're doing this.

"The whole thing was a lie, I guess.". - Yeah. And blaming her for like, "How could you lead me on?". Like, lead you how? Point out to exact moments. where this person has led you on. By being in the same room as you. for extended periods of time? - Asking to hang out. like a friend? - I don't think there's any version of leading him on. unless she said, "I want to marry you. "Like, if you propose, I will say yes.". Otherwise I'm like, no, at no point did you have this indication.

'Cause yeah, some people don't have physical relationships. The physical side doesn't matter. But there's been zero discussions. They have been friends. They have never claimed to be anything more. - Yeah. They haven't even kissed or held hands? I'm just a little bit... I know everybody's different in their relationships, but I'm like, this guy- - You gotta do something. - Like, this guy thought straight to proposing? - Yeah. - What movies does this man watch? - What movies is this man watching? - Comments. "Wow, this is the biggest misread I've ever heard of.

"I don't think your friendship will recover from this, "at least for now. "The best you can do is make it clear. "that you don't feel the same way at all. "But yeah, this is a friendship killer.". Someone else said, "Yo, he wanted to take the relationship to the next step. "and decided to propose to you? "Bro is either tone deaf or out of his mind. "Y'all been best friends for two years. "Have you actually dated anyone during this time? "Don't see him alone.". Someone else said, "You can talk about this with whoever you want. "It's your life. "You thought he was your friend, "but turns out that was a lie. "You did nothing wrong.". I mean, also two years, and they're in college.

I mean, like that's fast by standard relationship. - Yeah. - This is... Yeah, I think his ideas of relationships are very skewed. - Fantastical. - Yeah. Unfortunate. Very unfortunate. - And so they said they shared the same dorm. Were they in the same like building. that had different dorm rooms or did they share a dorm room?

- I wonder if-. - It sounds like they're like next door to each other, like across the hall or something like that. - Yeah, there's no way that they're like sharing a bedroom. - I don't think they would allow that. - They're probably not sharing a bedroom, but they're probably sharing a building. They're probably just friends. - It might be, yeah, 'cause I know that like dorms. on some colleges can be like on a smaller scale, like a house kind of thing, and they can be co-ed, so maybe it's something like that. (Shayne groans). - Update. - No. - Okay. Is the caricature artist there? (everyone laughs).

- He quickly draws one of him going like (winces). "Jordan did in fact not come back to the hotel. "I stayed up until 1:00 AM before falling asleep, "and he didn't return. "When I woke up the next day, "the hotel staff let me know he had checked himself out. "at about 6:00 AM. "I did end up responding to his big long text. "I took everyone's advice. "and told him that I was sorry it didn't go. "as he had expected, but that I wasn't sure. "where he'd got the impression we were together. "I said I'd be happy to sit. "and have a discussion about it all,

"so we could make sure we're on the same page. "He was not happy about this at all, and he again went off. "with a bunch of the same type of things he'd said. "in his first message. "It didn't really seem to be going through his head at all. "Even in these new texts, "he kept referring to this all as me breaking up with him. "despite me explicitly telling him we are not. "and never have been together. "Again, all his messages were very clear and coherent, "even if what he was saying was not based in reality at all. "He wasn't sending paragraphs, "just sentences in really quick succession,

"which was blowing my phone up. "He told me he didn't wanna meet up with me to talk. "because I had ripped out his heart. "and crushed it in public. "I did ask him for specific instances he could recall. "between us that made him think we were dating, "but he completely ignored the question. "and just kept going on and on about how hurt he was. "that I was breaking up with him. "and how he felt his world was ending. "He said he loved me more than anything. "and had felt so confident that I did too, "which is why he felt so certain about proposing. "to move our relationship along. "Eventually, to be honest,

"I grew pretty tired of this conversation. "and stopped responding-". - Right. - "Because it was just going around and around in circles. "Me asking where he got this idea, him ignoring this, "and telling me how hurt he is, "I'm breaking up with him over this, et cetera. "He went on and on. "saying he thought it would be a ring I like. "because it was my favorite gem, a ruby, "instead of a diamond. "It's got me wondering how much he actually spent. "on this damn thing. "I didn't look very clearly at the ring, so I couldn't tell. "if it was something super expensive or not. "He had been working up the courage to do so for a while. "and figured doing it when I was at home.

"would make it more special. "For a while he was just talking to himself in my text. "because I wasn't responding anymore. "When I checked back about 20 minutes later, "I had something like 60 messages from him. "Granted, they were all single sentences. "At the very end, "he apologized and told me that it didn't matter anyway. "because I wouldn't see him around anymore. "Obviously I was concerned, so I asked for clarification. "He said that he was going to drop out of university. "and go back home because he couldn't deal with the shame. "That's where our conversation ended. "I didn't really know how to respond to that.

"As it stands now, I don't really know where Jordan is. "I didn't ask him, which is my bad. "Not sure if/when we will talk again. "Unfortunately I can't excite everyone with a, "and then he turned up at my door. "and then he sent me flowers or whatever. "It feels a lot is unanswered. "I still don't know where he got the idea we were together. "He hasn't explained that. "So I'm sorry I can't give everyone that answer.". - Ooh. - Well, she lucked out that he left. - Yeah. - If you're with someone who's that like delusional,

then like you don't know what's gonna happen, so good thing he didn't show up. - God, it is so frustrating how he refused. to take any accountability for everything he was saying, everything that he did, refused to answer to anything, and make it all her fault. Like, literally about leaving school, refusing to answer her questions. Just abandoning all responsibility and accountability. Like, hey, you're here too. You participated in this friendship too. - Yeah. I will never understand the type of mindset.

or the place that someone can be. where they message someone like that many times. or call someone over and over again, 'cause I hear about it all the time. Like, so often that it's not an outlier, right, of people being like, "Yeah, my ex called me like 10 times today.". And I'm just like, I can't fathom being in the place. 'cause you know people see one phone call, you know people see one text. - Or two phone calls. - Yeah, like that's okay, a couple. if you're really trying to talk to somebody. - Sure, but I just mean like in this type of situation.

where they are talking and then she starts ignoring him. Like, I just wanna know from someone. who maybe was in that place and now they're out of it, what was going through their head. - Right. - Maybe just there's no thought going on. - It's probably that. It's just going. - That's a clear sign-. - [Shayne] Pure rage. - When someone's sending like a long text, it's a little bit more likely. that they're thinking more about what they're saying. as a whole. But when they're rattling off sentence by sentence, they are not thinking at all. - [Shayne] They're just going. - They're just putting it all out there on you. And like this person continued to basically talk.

to themselves in her text without her replying, like this is concerning behavior. Like, I do wonder. if like maybe there was a lot more going on internally than-. - This seems very serious. - Yeah. - Like, this actually seems, and the fact that he's going to drop out of college and move. because of this, it's like, this sounds like-. - This is a bigger problem for this man. - It's concerning. I think it's concerning behavior. - Yeah. - Communication, like misunderstandings happen all the time.

where people think that feelings are there and they're not, and people are trying to be respectful. in terms of affection and things. But like if that happens, it's like so important to learn from it, and like this is obviously the most extreme version of that. But like to refuse to even... Like, it didn't matter if she was texting him back or not, he was still gonna be saying all the things he was saying. and not answer her or even hear what she's saying at all. - Do you think the caricature artist. drew her responding to the proposal?

Like, her being like... - Him drawing so fast. I just picture him drawing so fast. She's like, "Eek!". (everyone laughs). - Oh man. Wow. - Yeah, that's crazy. - That sucks. And it sucks because like they were, to her knowledge she thought she had a really good friend. Like, she thought... 'Cause like that's what I love about Smosh. is like we really show and normalize platonic friendships. across all genders 'cause I think it's super important. to see, for people to experience, and like she thought that's what she had.

and it was completely a lie. Like, that really sucks. - Okay, our next story is From Am I The Asshole. "Am I the asshole for explaining my pizza to joy ratio. "to a friend who is trying to justify buying a vintage car?". Pizza to joy ratio. - I'm gonna need more information. (everyone laughs). - "Odd name, but I'll explain. "A few years ago I came up with a simple math formula I use. "whenever I'm going to make a dumb purchase.

"When you come home from work, "making a filling meal from scratch. "will on average take about an hour. "A takeout pizza costs around $20. "So having that pizza instead of cooking. "and getting to relax instead means an hour of enjoyment. "costs you about $20. "So before I buy anything, I sit down and think. "if I'm going to get a number of hours of joy. "equal to the price divided by 20 out of this item. "This is only for non-necessity purchases obviously. "because applying it to hotdogs. "or something would create a number of serious questions.

"I don't want answers to. "Here's the argument I got pulled into. "and asked for my opinion. "My friend has been arguing with his wife. "about buying a vintage car, "and he kept talking about how happy it will make him. "They can in fact afford it. "And I did seriously say. "that if he thought he would get that number of hours. "out of it, he should go for it. "I actually think with how hard he works, he deserves it. "and said that part out loud. "He tried to call me out as being a hypocrite. "because about a year ago I spent about $1,200. "on a Ghostbusters costume, proton pack, boots, and all.

"I had to point out to him. "that I in fact throw that costume on frequently. "for a couple of hours at a time. "It brings me great joy when I do, "and that proton pack is hanging across from my bed. "so I can look at it before I fall asleep. "It was something I've wanted for nearly 40 years, "and I'm not going to stop getting joy from it. "even if I'm over the $20 an hour limit. "But his wife now uses the pizza to joy ratio. "for everything, "and she says it has helped her cut down. "on spending money on things she might only use once. "or just things she thinks are neat like anime figurines.

"or video games she's just going to let sit. "in her Steam library and probably never play. "My friend has called me an asshole. "since now whenever he's looking at getting something, "she'll ask, 'How many pizzas is that?'. "I honestly think she's taking it too far. "But she said it's life changing for her. "I kind of think I'm the asshole. "because it's just supposed to be something. "like offhand advice for silly things. "like a banana costume, "not applied to things like a washer/dryer upgrade.". - Oh.

- Okay, so he's getting blamed for the fact. that this relationship. has a very different view of finances, I feel like. - Yeah, it sounds like they took his idea and ran with it. or at least one of the people-. - It was just inspiring to her. But he's mad at his wife for wanting to spend less. - Yeah, and called him a hypocrite. for saying "you deserve the car.". - Yeah 'cause what's crazy. is at the very least OP is not the asshole. 'cause OP was like, "Oh yeah, spend it on whatever. "You're allowed to do whatever you want.". - [Tommy] Yeah. - He's not telling anyone to do anything.

- Yeah, that must have been been like a point of resentment. from this friend for a while for it to come up now. - Is OP sitting around in this costume? - Yeah, I need to know this two hours at a time. - The most important thing is-. - That's what I'm hooked on right now. - "Every now and then I wear this costume. "for hours at a time.". - He's like... (Courtney laughs). - Just one mirror. It's like broken. - He's like, "I'm so full of joy.". - I love this. Hey, maybe. - Maybe. Do whatever you want. - Allowed to do whatever you want, man. - Maybe he's wearing it,

like he's in like a play or like a musical. or like a drag show or a costume party. or like maybe he wears it to Ren Faire every year. - Listing every opportunity a costume would come up. - Yeah, yeah. - He dresses as a Ghostbuster for Ren Faire. - Okay, I only bring it up-. - Ah, they're all ghosts. - I've seen Stormtroopers walking around Ren Faire. - That's true. That's true. You see everything. - I spent way too much money. on like a pirate costume at Ren Faire, and I'm like, "Maybe, I'll just wear this to every costume party. "to get my worth out of it.". Haven't done that, but I've thought about it. - I'm not dissing this guy.

I just think it's such a specific... It's not a pirate costume, which you could rotate. This is a singular-. - From one franchise. - It was just a funny-. - No, you're right. - It was a funny example he then gave in it. It's like, this brings up more questions. - I wear it for hours and hours and hours. I'm very joyful. - It's definitely like, this is a big kind of conversation for a lot of people. of like what is worth buying and investing in that's fun, you know? 'Cause there's obviously buying things that it's like, oh, there'll be a return on this, or this is practical.

But like full on luxuries are theoretically a waste of money. in every way besides the enjoyment they give you. - [Tommy] Right. - You're trying to measure what that enjoyment. is going to be. So I get that that... Everyone's different with that. - Yeah, everyone's kind of figuring out what they like, you know, trying to give themselves permission. to splurge on themselves. Like, some people like have it really hard. Like, you like tend to live really frugally and be like, "I won't get this book.

"I won't. Okay.". Like, even though like I know you want it. Like, there's things like that. where maybe this gave the wife permission like, ah, now I can give myself permission to buy all these things. because now I can see how it equates to joy for me. But it's like, it's really up to that marriage. and that relationship to figure out, "Okay, how are we operating with our finances together?". - Right. Yeah, it's tough. A vintage car is a tough one because... But he might really like vintage cars.

and that's something you can invest in for a long time, like on a joy level. I have my own rule. Like, I have my own system. 'Cause I'm someone who can get very like inspired. for a bit on something. I'll be like, "Oh man, I really love this thing.". And then like 30 days pass and I kind of like lose interest. So whenever I get into something, I'm like, "I am going to buy like the cheap version of this.". - Right. - And then once I commit to it long enough, then I'll buy...

Like, if I'm like, "Oh, I'm really into drawing. "I wanna draw.". I'm like, "I'm gonna buy a cheap set of pencils.". - Right. - Cheap little thing. And then once after like, you know, if I go 50 days to 100 days and I'm really doing it a lot, I'm like, "All right, now I can buy like some nicer things.". - You're auditioning the hobby with yourself. - Exactly. That's kind of my mindset. And that goes with like kind of everything. Like, when I recognize that a certain point. in my life of like, oh, I really do like to sit down in front of my TV a lot, and I had had a really small TV. that I'd gotten for free for a long time, and it hit a point where I was like,

"All right, I'll buy a TV.". - Right. - I spend a lot of time here, I recognize that. But if this guy loves cars. and he spends a lot of time there and he has the money-. - Yeah. - Then that's okay. - I love a vintage car. - But this sounds like a struggle in the relationship. - Yeah, this is not the OP's-. - OP is in a different orbit. - Yeah, it's a non-issue. - You said something that got picked up. That's not your fault. - [Tommy] Yeah. - She would've probably. heard something similar somewhere else. - Yeah, it's like, you know, if you hang bananas up, they don't rot as much, and then like she's like,

"I put all the bananas on every hook.". It's like, "(beep) you for saying that.". No. - Yeah, it has nothing to do with him. - Comments. "Hmm. I need 750 hours to justify my vehicle. "That's 1,500 work days. "I work around 250 days per year, "so I need to get six years out of my vehicle. "minus whatever I spend on maintenance. "Good ratio.". OP responded, "And honestly, I think he's going. "to get an immense amount of joy out of it. "I'm just not a car guy, "so I don't understand how that feels.

"So I offered my ratio as an example of how I spend money. "Oh, and he is getting the car. "because he has wanted one since he was young. "and his wife did agree. "She thought he would get that joy out of it.". Okay, so there's no problem. - So what's the problem? - It's resentment. - So what's going on here? - A long time ago that's just being brought up. - That really is a good ratio though. Someone said, "Not the asshole. "I like your formula, and I think that it makes sense. "If somebody misuses it, it's their problem, not yours.". Lastly someone said, "Gotta say not the asshole on this one. "You told him he should go for it.

"and gave them a silly way to determine. "how much joy it'll bring someone. "I also agree they're taking it too far. "and it should be exclusively recreational, "but everyone has their niche. "Also, did you make that up or find it somewhere? "I swear I heard it somewhere else.". They didn't respond. - Oh. I feel like I've heard similar things to it. I think it's just like responsibly thinking. about your purchases. - Yeah. - It's just a more conscious way, and he equated it to like a cute little pizza thing ratio. - Definitely not the asshole 'cause we got a ghost problem.

- Yeah, clearly. - [Shayne] And he's. here to solve it. - And we need help. (crew laughs). - Update. (everyone gasps). - [Courtney] Whoa. - He got the slimy guy. - He got a ghost! - He caught the ghost. - Caught the green ghost. (Courtney laughs). "I had caused a bit of strife with my friend. "after giving them some very basic silly math I do. "before I buy anything that is not a necessity. "His wife then began applying it to absolutely everything. "And while she wasn't exactly manic about it, "she was definitely taking it too far.

"My friend asked me to sit down with him. "and talk to his wife with him. "because I've been friends with them for 10 years or so, "and he wanted me to explain things a bit better. "since I have trouble with words from time to time. "Well, here's the deal. "She's pregnant, which I guess I found out when he did. "She's very nervous about finances. "since she grew up like he and I did, poor as dirt, "but didn't want to tell anyone. "since it's still in the first two months. "and she's worried about things like a miscarriage. "The long and short of it is she was getting stressed. "by the idea of being out of work for months. "after giving birth. "and was worried that if he bought the car,

"it would eat into his savings, "which they would be heavily reliant on for a bit. "Instead of going, 'You should have told me,'. "my friend and I got on the same page, and he said, "'I'm very sorry for making you worry about that. "'I can always buy the car later on. "'when we know it's okay to do it. "'For now you take priority.'. "I told her, 'I'm very sorry I put a brain worm in you. "'that played into your fears. "'while also doing something that exacerbated your anxiety. "'Pizza math goes directly out the window. "'when a baby is involved.'. "Instead of trying to reinforce. "that she took it too seriously.

"since I really didn't feel like trying to defend myself. "was going to do anything but make her feel more anxious, "so I ordered us all Chinese, and we sat down and talked. "about what their finances look like, "and even though right now they can afford a baby. "and the car without issue, they're both high earners, "he agreed to wait five years. "and buy it as his midlife crisis car. "That's about all. "She's feeling way better. "We had a small celebration since she's still nervous. "about getting too excited about it, "and I also apologized for putting her in a position. "where she had to admit before she was ready.

"All in all, everyone is in a better place, I think.". They ordered Chinese and not a pizza. - Adults. - Whoa. They ordered Chinese and not a pizza. - Wow. - Whoa. - More joy. - The cycle was broken that day. - That was great. I loved the like being like, "Hey-". - Yeah. - Hey, I'm sorry that you got worked up. Like, I'm so sorry. - Yeah. And the Ghostbusters costume when? Will we get a pic? - And then a ghost comes out, he's just like (yells). (Tommy yells). Okay. Next story. This comes from Relationship Advice. It's a 26-year-old woman.

"My husband, who's 26. "My husband's family keeps referring to me. "as his best friend. "What does this mean?". - You know what it means. Go on. (everyone laughs). - You know. Anyways, next story. - I think it's pretty clear. - "My husband Robbie, who's 26, "and I got married earlier this year. "It was a beautiful day, "and I felt so much love and support. "from both sides of our family.". - Oh. - "Two months after-". (Courtney laughs). - Didn't expect that.

- "Two months after our wedding day, "we celebrated my birthday at my in-laws' house. "It was nothing major, "just a dinner and a night together with me, my husband, "his moms, 50, dad, 50, and sister, who's 22. "That was the first night I noticed them. "referring to me as Robbie's best friend. "After my birthday dinner, "we were all sitting together in the living room. "just chatting and having some drinks. "That's when my sister-in-law got a phone call. "from a good friend of hers. "When she answered the phone. "and her friend asked what she was doing, she replied. "that it was her brother's best friend's birthday.

"I had never heard anyone refer to me. "as Robbie's best friend. "I'm his wife. "And before that we were engaged for over two years. "Hearing my sister-in-law refer to me like that. "confused me greatly. "I always refer to her as my sister-in-law, "and I would expect her to do the same. "or maybe even as Robbie's wife, "but certainly not best friend. "After my sister-in-law hung up her phone, "I asked her why she referred to me the way she did. "She did not seem at all abashed. "She just said, 'Well, you are best friends. "'And that's what Mom and Dad call you,'. "referring to my mother-in-law and father-in-law.

"My sister-in-law and I are by no means very close, "but we are nice to each other. "and have never had any fights. "We just don't hang out outside of family functions. "because our personalities are pretty different. "She's never made it seem like she was annoyed or mad at me. "I decided to let it go that night. "even though it weirded me out. "But then it all happened again a few days ago, "which is why I'm writing this post. "My mother-in-law and I both work in the same industry. "doing similar jobs but at different companies in the area. "Sometimes our companies collaborate. "when we have clients who switch over. "This week we had that happen,

"and I had to pay a visit to my mother-in-law's office. "to help a client transition. "My mother-in-law was in the office, "so I stopped by to say hello. "While I was there, she introduced me to her colleague, "and once again I was perplexed by how she did it. "She said, 'This is my son's best friend.'. "As I was shaking hands with the colleague, "I paused and awkwardly said, 'I'm his wife.'. "The colleague looked confused, "but my mother-in-law continued to smile. "and didn't address it. "Once we were alone, "I asked my mother-in-law why she referred to me like that. "Just like my sister-in-law, "she didn't seem to act like it was weird at all. "and said the same thing, 'Well, you are best friends.'.

"The only thing that I can think to explain this. "is that in my vows to Robbie, "I promised to continue being his best friend. "Nobody acted like that was odd or special, "and I feel like it's a pretty common thing to put in vows, "so I'm not sure why Robbie's family. "seems to have clung to it. "unless it has nothing to do with everything. "I've spoken to Robbie about this too, "and he is also perplexed by it. "He asked his parents privately about it, "and they gave him the same answer they've been giving me. "It all just feels. "like some sort of bullying behavior to me, "but I've never felt a sense of this from them before.

"Are they calling me his best friend. "because they don't like the fact I'm his wife. "or is it some inside joke they've been in on without me? "I'm not sure what to do or to make of it, "especially because the in-laws. "are acting like it's not an issue when I bring it up. "Yes, I am Robbie's best friend, "but I'm also his life partner. "and their daughter-in-law/sister-in-law. "I don't know what to do. "Any input and advice would be welcome.". - I thought this was a gay couple at first. - Me too. - 'Cause I was like, oh, if they're like, "This is his best friend,".

I'm like, well they're a little homophobic. They don't wanna... But then it's like, "Oh, they're at the wedding.". I'm like, oh. And it's like, "I'm his wife," and I was like, oh. - [Courtney] Yeah. - What? Then what? - Yeah. That's so confusing. - And their responses, and they don't even seem like bothered. They're not giving like reactions. - Like, I can see this being a sweet thing. within the family of like, "Oh, that's so sweet. "that they consider each other best friends. "So like it's fun to like consider them that to each other.". But like having it like go anywhere. outside the sphere of family. and like introducing them as such is like really weird.

- They were at the wedding. She said it all-. - Everything else was normal. - Everything seemed fine. I wonder how they referred to her before they got married. - Not best friend. Worst friend. - Not... You are not my friend. - You are not my friend. But it seems, like she's not saying, "Oh, they've always done this.". Like, so was she Robbie's girlfriend before? Robbie's fiancee? - Right. What was the titles? - She doesn't put that in, but she's saying that currently it's Robbie's best friend.

- It's so weird. - I'm trying to like literally understand like, oh, maybe they're not trying. to like reduce her to a wife role, but it's like, I don't know. There's something about, like ever since we've gotten legally married, like certain things just get taken more seriously. when I'm like, "My husband is picking my prescription up.". Like, if I were to say like my best friend. is coming to get something or-. - Yeah. - [Tommy] Right. - There's just some more like, also when it's a mother-in-law introducing to a coworker. and stuff like, "This is my son's best friend.". That's not giving the coworker any context at all.

- It definitely feels like a respect thing. - It's a huge lack of context. Like, that's a big difference. to anybody outside of the context. - Yeah 'cause when you're introducing someone. to a complete stranger, that context is kind of important. - [Tommy] Yeah. - It's kinda like, "Oh, here's our dynamic.". - [Tommy] Yeah. - It's not just 'cause son's best friend could be like, "Oh, you don't know this person.". - Some guy. - This person doesn't mean anything to you. - [Courtney] Right. - This is my son's wife. It's like, oh, that's your family. - Yeah. - That's huge. That's a huge thing.

- That's literally, yeah. That part. - And there's different contexts that can always be there, right, but it's just odd. It's odd. - It feels like a step back. Yeah. No, and it is, like 'cause being considered family. is very different than just being a family friend, you know? - I wonder if this company stuff. has anything to do with it. - But the sister, they were at dinner, and the sister was saying that. - And you did it at my birthday dinner. - Yeah. I would understand if it's like, oh, she's worried about that being misread or something. But she's also not getting upset.

None of them are getting upset when she corrects them. They're just going, "Oh. "Oh, you are best friends.". - Yeah. - [Shayne] You are best friends. - It's so-. - What's the problem? - Because you are. - Comments. "How about just being straightforward? "Yes, Robbie and I are best friends, "but now that we are married, "I would prefer that you refer to me as his wife, "as I treasure our relationship. "Thank you.". Someone else said, "This seems passive aggressive. "Have your husband shut it down.". Someone else said, "I would just continue to correct them. "every time it happens. "And I would also expect my husband to do the same.

"at the time it is happening. "Not in private or later. "If he does not correct his parents or sister, "you have a bigger issue.". Yeah, I don't think it should be on her. - No. - The husband should be like, "Hey, can you please refer to her as my wife?". - Yeah, or like I love that. because it's like that's his direct family. But also like if it happens in front of her again, she could be like, "Oh, you could just call me his wife. "Like, it's very sweet. "But like you could just call me the like wife. "Like, that's fine.". - Yeah. - And then you set that boundary in a friendly casual way. It shouldn't affect anything. unless they have a problem with it.

- The most optimistic thought I have. is that someone could be like, "Oh, it's really endearing and sweet. "Like, being best friends is more important than whatever.". But I have a hard time believing. that's what's going on here. - Update? - Update! (Tommy gasps) (Courtney yells). - Slimer! Slimer! Slimer! (Courtney laughs). - We might need to get the Ghostbusters costume on. because, "Unfortunately for my relationship. "with Robbie's family, shit has hit the fan.". (Courtney gasps).

- Slimer. - Slimer's hit the fan. - Slimer's hit the fan. (laughs). Gross! - Ew! - Get the paper towels out. - Ah, okay. "Yesterday afternoon, Robbie and I were invited over. "to his parents' house for dinner. "I have a big project due this week at work, "so I needed to stay home and wrap it up. "I told Robbie to go catch up with his family. "while I ordered a pizza. "Apparently this is when Robbie. "decided he was going to set things straight. "and figure out why his mom and sister keep referring to me. "as his best friend. "Please keep in mind that I'm telling the story. "based on the details that my husband has given me.

"Robbie had a normal dinner with his folks, "but they were all drinking a bit more than usual. "Robbie decided to bring over some scotch. "that one of his groomsmen gave him for a wedding gift, "so he and his dad were especially loose. "Robbie and his dad tend to have guy time together. "after dinners where they hang out in his dad's garage. "and talk about car stuff and projects at home/work. "This is where Robbie confronted his dad. "about the whole situation. "From what I can tell, it took some coaxing. "to get this information out of father-in-law, "but eventually he admitted to Robbie that my mother-in-law. "and sister-in-law and him were all in on some sort of bet.

"as to how long mine and Robbie's marriage. "was going to last. "Father-in-law bet that we would stay together, "whereas mother-in-law bet less than one year, "and sister-in-law bet less than six months. "Apparently there was a cash prize involved. "I don't really wanna know how much it was. "Father-in-law admitted. "that he believes the whole best friend moniker. "was a way to get under my skin. "and cause doubts about my relationship. "with Robbie and his family. "They think that if they acted like it was a non-issue. "for long enough that it would drive me crazy.

"and start making me angry at Robbie for not intervening. "Robbie then says he stormed into the house. "to confront his mom about this all. "It ended in a screaming match. "between Robbie, mother-in-law, and father-in-law. "Robbie eventually stormed out. "and walked to a nearby gas station. "and from there he called me for a ride. "since he couldn't drive. "This morning when I drove Robbie back to get his car, "we had a horribly awkward confrontation with his parents. "Mother-in-law is apparently pissed at father-in-law. "for betraying the secret, "and they were fighting about it all night. "Father-in-law will be staying with us in our extra bedroom. "for a couple days.

"or until they can calm down and talk to each other again. "Robbie is now set on going no contact. "with his mom and sister. "He's angry with his father. "but is more willing to forgive him. "Personally, I would prefer if we saw a family therapist. "before doing this, "but we are still ironing out the details. "Hopefully we can get through this. "with both marriages intact.". But if the father-in-law and mother-in-law break up, she's gonna get some cash 'cause of her bet. - Ah! - They just solidified their marriage forever actually.

- Yeah, I think so. - By like having like a, "Oh, let's see how long you last.". They're like, "Actually we're in love forever.". - And 20 years from then, the mother-in-law and father-in-law would be like, "We did it for you.". - You passed the test. - That's crazy. - [Shayne] It was all a test. - For the mother-in-law to be mad. that they got caught in their horrible, that is horrible. - [Tommy] That's horrible. Your own kid? - It is one thing in a safe space to talk about things, talk about whatever you want in your safe space, but to put money on it, and then to start affecting people outwardly. is so, so messed up.

- It's unethical in general. It's a shitty move. - Yeah, all of it is. - But it's also unethical on a gambling level. because if you're gonna gamble on something, you're not allowed to then go and affect it. and try to weight the odds. - That's so messed up. - So that's also an added layer. But it's obviously super messed up. - It's so dehumanizing. - Especially for your own child. - Yeah. That's what's like, damn. What kind of a parent are you? - The only situation where betting. on a relationship I think is not horrible. is if you're watching reality TV.

And it's someone you literally don't know, they're out of your entire universe. And even then it's still like weird. But this is insane to do it for your own child. - It's just like, how negatively do they view OP. to just play with their relationship like this? They either think she's a monster. or they've never respected the husband. What's his name? Robbie? - Yeah. They have no respect for anyone. - No. - [Shayne] Let's be clear. - That's so sad. - They can't do that. - It is really sad.

- [Tommy] Yeah. - It's deeply sad. The mom was only upset that the secret got revealed. - Right. - And was willing to kick the father-in-law out. because of that. - Like, hope that entire relationship and family dynamic. was worth whatever money you bet on this marriage. because you just threw a lot away. - Also, what family is placing a bet amongst themselves? - It's really disgusting. - It's very disgusting. - Just about other people's wellbeing and happiness. and betting against it. Like, you're putting really bad energy.

and bad vibes out there. Ick. That Slimer behavior. - That is Slimer behavior. - That's big Slimer-. - You need to get the Ghostbusters costumes on. - Do you wanna know a really quick word story. since you said slime hit the fan? - Yes. - So like before slime was a really big thing, like there was still a little bit of slime, and Disneyland had sold like a little bit of slime. And I had a little slime, and my sister threw, it was my slime, and my sister threw my slime. at the ceiling fan when I wasn't home.

And it (imitates whooshing). and it went all over, and she never cleaned it up, and it was stuck to the carpet for years. And I found out by finding slime on the floor that she, so slime hit the fan. - Whoa. - I'm really sorry to hear that. - Back when they only had a little bit of slime. - Back when there was only a little bit of slime. - It was 2004, 2005 slime era. You know, if you know, you know. - Yeah, slime was around, but it wasn't-. - It wasn't very around. - It wasn't slime era yet. - But yeah, she threw my slime at the ceiling fan,

and it exploded. So now I know what happens when slime hits the fan. So, sorry, that's just the image. that I got in my head when you said that. - No, yeah. Thank you. - Hope you enjoyed my story just then. If you want more, there's two videos right there and there. - Comment down below about Courtney's slime story. That one's really sad. - That's so sad. I've never done that. - No. That's horrible to do. I also think that stuff always comes to light. - Oh yeah. - When people try to be like, "Oh yeah, no, we're gonna have it be our little secret,".

I'm like, someone's gonna find out. - For sure. - Or if you're trying to keep a secret like that, you can never drink again. - Right. - You can never drink again. Like, it's gonna come out. I do think though, Tommy, you're right. I think this, it seems like this is going to bring them together. That's the only silver lining we got here. - No, it said a lot about the partner. and how he did go to his family and go to bat for her. And not only was he like, "They're being shitty,". he wants to go no contact. Like, this person stands on business.

- They were playing "Game of Thrones" over there. - Yeah. They were (beep) Stanising. What's the (beep) family? Birathians? - Lannistering? - Lannistering. Big time Lannister behavior. - Okay, our next story. "Would I be the asshole. "if I deleted my friend's engagement pictures?". (Courtney gasps). So I will be honest, I've read this story before. It's a good one. - I know about this one. - [Shayne] It's a good one. - But I'm so excited for you to hear. - Okay. - "I got married last fall. "Where I live fall means the trees are changing colors,

"so the wedding pictures are to die for. "We didn't have a huge budget, "so a friend of mine asked her friend. "if she could do it for me. "I had seen some of her work, and she is really talented. "Plus she is a total sweetheart. "The only thing is for what she charges. "and since it's more of a hobby, "you'll get your pictures when you'll get them. "Well, I got them, and now I need to know. "if what I'm about to do falls in asshole territory. "A few days after my wedding, "my friend announced to me that she was engaged. "I was ecstatic and wanted to know everything. "Turns out she got engaged at my wedding.

"My brain gets out of its vegetative state, "and I remember her table being way too excited. "at some point, but I blamed the alcohol. "I wasn't thrilled about it. "Realizing then that she had basically. "not only gotten engaged at my wedding, "but instead of hiding it and announcing it later, "she announced it to our friends during the party. "It was a tough pill to swallow, but I figured, whatever. "It's not like I even realized what was happening. "We did have a discussion about it, "and she didn't seem to understand why I was upset. "until I put it into perspective for her, "asking her how she would feel. "if I made a big announcement at her wedding,

"taking the attention away from her big moment. "In my friend's mind, it's no longer the day I got married. "It's now also the day she got engaged.". - Exactly. - "On my dime. "We eventually turned the page, and I thought it was over. "Well, I've sort of been friends with my photographer. "since the wedding because of common interests. "At some point, she point blanks told me. "that now that we are closer, "she feels comfortable asking me what to do. "with my friend's pictures. "because it makes her really uncomfortable. "During the evening, "the wedding party took a break to go change. "And during that time,

"my photographer was taking pictures of foliage. "at the venue. "My friend apparently asked her to take pictures. "of her and her boyfriend. "She didn't really see a problem since we weren't back yet. "and they were guests. "That's until she realized they were engagement pictures. "Some poses just don't leave room for interpretation. "So when she asked me what to do, "that, you know, accidents happen, "I told her to just put them in a separate folder. "Ever since I've been thinking. "what am I going to do with that folder? "My friend has been asking. "about my wedding pictures periodically. "but hasn't asked about her pictures specifically.

"It was easy when I didn't have them, but now I do. "I've had them since April, "and I know she will eventually come out of hiding. "now that COVID restrictions are loosened, "I wanna delete the folders. "since they're my property anyway, "but I don't wanna be a major asshole either. "Before you say it, "I do realize I haven't forgiven her at all. "like I initially thought.". Yeah, she pointed out this is in 2020. This is like summer of 2020. - Okay. - So to recap, the friend got engaged at her wedding. - Awful. - Announced it to a bunch of friends at the wedding.

And then after getting engaged, found the wedding photographer and asked for photos. and they got like-. - Yeah, there's a lot of issues I have with that. So like obviously some friend dynamics are fine. when an engagement happens at a wedding, but like usually there's communication. and just some kind of understanding there. But also this photographer was hired for a service, and this friend is taking them away from that service.

to do something else that is also very expensive. Like, getting engagement photos, that can be expensive. That's a whole other job. It's so tough though also because it's one thing that, it's just interesting. I'm playing devil's advocate in my mind is like, if it didn't affect the bride's day on the day, that's a good thing. - [Shayne] Yeah. - It didn't take away from her in her own mind. until she knew what had happened. But the fact that she wasn't told what happened.

and attention was taken from her day regardless. is interesting. - There's just still like a, like a sneaky, there's like a sneakiness to it. - There is. - And if there wasn't a sneakiness to it, it'd be a different story. But like you're ripping off your friend. She paid for a photographer, and you used her for a service. - It's not tracking 'cause she's trying to play it off. like, "Oh yeah, I don't see what the big deal is.". But she is not being fully like out in the open with her.

- Right. She's not saying, "Can I have my engagement photos?". - So it's like you are aware it's shitty. - Exactly. - You are aware it's shitty, and you're trying to pass it off. and like have your cake and eat it too in this situation. - That's real. - Yeah. - No, yeah, you're right. 'cause she's asked this photographer. for these engagement photos. and then has not talked to the bride about them. The photographer brought it up. - [Shayne] Yeah. - So very interesting. - So "in my friend's mind, "it's no longer the day I got married, "it's now also the day she got engaged.".

That's such a shitty thing to say to someone. about their wedding day. - Yeah. It's like, "Hey, the wedding day's about me,". and your friend going like, "Well, now actually it's not. "It's about you and me.". - Actually, that wasn't your wedding day. You've lost your mind. That was the day I got engaged. - You're sending three people home. - Yeah. So there's what happened, and her friend's shitty for what she did. - [Tommy] Yes. - She now has these engagement photos, and it's like, what do you do with them? Even the photographer was like, "Hey, accidents happen.".

- [Tommy] Right. I'll delete 'em if you want. - I love that. - The friend has not asked for the photos yet. I will say, after having had like kind of wedding day photos done, you don't get them all back. - No, no. You actually specifically get like a few samples. - Yeah. - And then you like weeks later get the dump. - So there would be plausible deniability. that she never even got those photos. 'cause the wedding photographer I think very easily. would've been like, "Oh, well these are-". - I've sent my selects.

- These are my selects. You don't need those. Those are just two people randomly during a time of the day. So it would've been possible. for the wedding photographer to not even do it. But now she has them. She has to decide what she wants to do. - I think... 'Cause like again, she said that she hasn't forgiven this person. Just give her the photos and be like, "And now this is done.". You know?

Like, it's like there's not gonna be a lot. of like karmic enjoyment out of deleting these photos. 'cause it kind of feels petty back. Even though she has this ability to do so. But it's like she doesn't forgive this person. Like, whatever. Give her the photos back, and then like distance yourself or cut ties. or whatever thing you wanna do. - Yeah, to me it feels. like it's kind of continuing the sneaky cycle. - Exactly. Exactly. - But I, honestly, if I was in this person's shoes,

I would've texted this friend and be like, "Hey, my photographer just told me. "that like you had asked them to go. "and take engagement photos. "I feel like you aren't being transparent with me. "about how you handled this. "And I actually really don't appreciate that you did this. "I have these photos, and I am hesitant to give them to you. "because now I really feel like you're being a bad friend.". And then like having the, 'cause like you're either gonna continue to be sneaky. and not be friends anymore. That is a path to do. - Yep. - Or if you're clearly not forgiving this person,

just talk about it. - Just talk about it. - Uncomfortable conversations suck. - Yeah. - [Courtney] But... - You know, I think that sums up a lot. of like my perspective. My personal individual perspective on so many situations. is not, I don't want to just like get back at someone. - Right. - Just to get back at them. What I want in a situation like this, if a friend did this to me, what I would want, all I would want is for them to recognize that it was wrong.

- Right. - And to be like, oh, I want you to change as a person. - Right. - And not do this again. And if I really could come to a place where I believed that. and they were upfront and honest, I'd then be like, "All right.". - [Tommy] It's fine. - I would personally be like, "All right, here's the photos, "but I want you to know you hurt me.". - Right. - Yeah. - I want you to know this sucks, and I want you to know if you show this type of behavior. ever again, like I will have to then... Unless I look back and realize in that friendship. that that pattern's been going back further. - [Tommy] Right.

- Where I go, "Okay, no, you've shown this.". But if this is a onetime deal. Now that's me personally. I think if I heard about this story from anyone, it's something where any of the options they choose, I'd be like, "Okay, and that's what you did.". - Right. - Like, I wouldn't judge someone. I mean, I don't know how I would feel. It depends on the individual situations. - Right. Right. - If someone was like, "And I deleted the photos.". I'd be like, "Oh damn.". - Like, whoa, okay. - Or if they were like, "And I gave her the photos. "and, you know, that's what happened,". I'd be like, "Okay.". - Okay. - That's like the highest high road.

is giving her the photos. - There's also protecting yourself from someone. who is gonna take advantage of you. - And saying like, "Hey, this hurt my feelings. "Like, hope it was like worth it to you.". - [Tommy] Right. - The question I am always left with, 'cause this happens so much, is I'm like, I don't understand the perspective. of wanting to propose at a wedding. - Do you think the friend knew her partner. was going to propose to her? Like, maybe that part was out of her control, and then she just kind of wanted to ride the wave. You know? The friend. - What? - Like, this friend got proposed to at the wedding, right?

Maybe she didn't know he was gonna do it that day. - Oh, so she's like, "Oh shit, I'm getting proposed to.". - Oh, she's like, "Yeah, I'm proposed to. "Oh my god, this is so great. "Like, ah, don't wanna take away from the wedding day, "but like let's still ride this wave. "and still like have our own joy here.". And then trying to like, you know, damage control later. - I don't know. I'm just saying like whoever proposed to her, I just don't understand wanting to propose at a wedding. - Right. - I've never understood it. - You're taking away from their day, but you're taking away from your day. - I know. - 'Cause the story is you were at someone else's wedding.

- Exactly. - There's no story to it. - It's just always confused me. And I think it's hard for me. to think about the whole situation. because I'm always just so confused by that. - Yeah. - Comments. "Not the asshole. "She not only got engaged at your wedding, "but also got the photographer you paid for wedding photos, "not cheap, to do their photos. "Yikes. I wouldn't blame you for just deleting those photos. "You could get her to pay the photographer. "for those specific photos, "but not the asshole either way, in my opinion.". - Yeah. - There's another option is being like, "Hey, the photographer recognized like those,

"I told the photographer that you guys just got engaged. "and those are technically engagement photos. "She charges a lot for that. "Like, might need to ask for payment for that.". "Not the asshole. "She gets engaged. "and takes attention away from the newlyweds. "She then has a full engagement shoot on your dime. "Delete them and tell her that you've deleted pictures. "that had nothing to do with you and your husband.". - Oh. - Lastly, someone said, "More and more I've been hearing of people getting engaged. "at others' weddings. "It just reassures me. "that I would not want that shit at mine. "The thought of it just pisses me off.

"Anyways, not the asshole.". - Yeah, I mean, I think like, I would reserve the like getting engaged at weddings. as like it depends on the dynamics of everybody involved. - Sure. There's situations. - Yeah. But yeah, it's weird. It's the sneakiness. I like that. - [Tommy] It's the sneaky. - It's disrespectful. - Yeah. - It's just ultimately disrespectful. Final story. (Courtney gasps). - Doh. - Comes from Best of Redditor Updates, so...

- Okay, so you're saying there's an update? - No. It's a 24-year-old woman. "My best friend, who's 23, a 23-year-old woman, "did something horrible at a mutual family friend's wedding. "and blamed it on my younger sister, who's 19. "I am considering cutting ties with her, "but am having a hard time.". Okay. - Let's go. Let's go. This is a meaty one. - "Hi, Reddit. "This is a bit of an unusual situation, "but I'll try to explain it as best I can.

"The story involves myself, 24-year-old woman, "my best friend, Caroline, 23-year-old woman, "and my younger sister, Nicola, 19-year-old woman, "and our mutual friend/groomsman Daniel, who's 28. "Using real names. "because I know Caroline doesn't use Reddit, "and if anyone who witnessed this happens to see this, "I'd love for them to get the actual facts of the story.". - Whoa. - [Shayne] "So over the weekend-". - Oof. (Courtney giggles). - "So over the weekend, "a very good family friend of both my family. "and Caroline's family was getting married. "Caroline and I have been best friends for years.

"We met when we were toddlers. "Our moms are best friends, "our sisters are friends, et cetera. "You get the picture. "We knew that both of our families. "would be invited to this wedding, "and we were both looking forward to it for months. "It's important to note that Caroline's family. "and my family have a ton of mutual friends, "and this was going to be a very large wedding. "Guest count was in the 500s.". - Huh? ♪ Why would you do that ♪. ♪ That's a carnival, not a wedding ♪. (everyone laughs). - Carnival. - That's the Super Bowl! (everyone laughs).

- Oh my god. - "Everything was going fine and dandy. "until Caroline got completely wasted. "She kept talking to me. "about how hot one of the groomsmen, Daniel, was. "and how she'd had a crush on him for years, "but he showed no interest. "This was probably because he was in a serious relationship. "and had been dating his current girlfriend for six years.". - Uh... Sorry. (everyone laughs). Sometimes I can't help, but go, "Uh...". - Buh... "The girlfriend decided not to attend this wedding. "because she didn't know the bride and groom very well, "and because Daniel would be a groomsman,

"she wouldn't see him very much anyway. "Fast forward a couple hours. "and Caroline is hanging all over Daniel. "She's constantly asking him to dance with her, "get her drinks from the open bar, et cetera. "She's point blank throwing herself at him, "and it was embarrassing and painful to watch. "I tried intervening a couple times to get her off of him, "but she snapped at me, "and at that point, I decided that it wasn't my problem. "Furthermore, Daniel wasn't completely pushing her away. "He looked like he had a few drinks in him as well. "and seemed somewhat interested in Caroline. "I decided that if he didn't care, "I certainly wasn't going to.

"If he wanted to throw his relationship away, "it was none of my concern. "I tried. "I didn't witness this next part, "but by the end of the night, "Caroline and Daniel were having sex. "in a different room of the hall. "Yes, it escalated quickly. "To their misfortune, someone, I'm not sure who, "just that it was someone's mom. "who knew Daniel and his girlfriend. "but didn't know Caroline, walked in on them, "and for some reason, Caroline told this woman. "that she was Nicola, my sister.". (Courtney gasps). "I don't know if she was embarrassed or drunk or what, "but she purposely identified herself as Nicola,

"so Caroline herself would not be in trouble. "Word quickly spread that Daniel and Nicola. "were caught having sex, and Nicola was mortified. "People were talking about how disrespectful, home wrecking, "rude, slutty Nicola was.". (Courtney gasps) "I honestly can't even blame them. "Had not known better, I would be thinking the same things. "On top of that, "Caroline had gone around actually telling other people. "that it was Nicola and confirming the rumor she started. "The bride and groom were pissed. "Everyone was talking badly about my sister, "and Caroline seemed to not care.

"In fact, when I confronted her about the situation. "at the wedding, she straight up denied it. "Had Daniel not confirmed. "that it was Caroline he was hooking up with and not Nicola, "I might have even believed her. "The next day Caroline texted Nicola a half-hearted apology. "about the whole thing saying she was so drunk. "and didn't know what she was doing.". (Courtney groans). "The text included lots of LOLs and hahas, "so I'm not sure how seriously Caroline. "is taking the situation. "She doesn't seem to realize how mortified Nicola is. "Nicola genuinely thinks that her life is ruined.

"We live in a very tight-knit community, "and a lot of people have heard the false version. "of what went down. "I'm at odds with what to do. "Up until this point, "Caroline has been a very good friend to both I and Nicola. "I'm just not sure if I can forgive her for this, "especially considering her lack of consciousness. "about how bad the situation really is. "Should I dump her or should I give her another chance? "Our friendship will be different regardless. "My family sees Caroline. "in a completely different light now. "So even if I forgave her, we wouldn't be able. "to do a lot of the same things we used to; "hang out at my house, do things with my family, et cetera.

"What should I do, Reddit?". Reddit-. (Courtney groans). I need your help. - That is so messed up. 'Cause you know what she did? She blamed it on Nicola. Nicola is 19. Mr. Daniel whatever's 28. That's a gap. And throwing her into that situation, and all of these people ganging up on her. being a homewrecker. She's 19! - Bro, it's so hard to be under 21 at a wedding. - Already. - And to have that thrown at you. This was like some Shakespearean type of shit.

- Literally. - Literally you're having sex, someone catches you and you go, "Oh, it was Nicola!". And then everyone's like, "Oh!". - God. (Courtney laughs). - Just the way that everyone just believed it suddenly. - I mean, there's no reason. not to believe what you're being told, right? - But also believed it, and then it just seemed like everything. was just on Nicola and not. on the 28-year-old guy- - Exactly. - Who's in a six year relationship. - And that's on the system. - He should be part of that story. - Yeah, that's the system, baby.

That's the system. Be nicer to women. - Don't be her friend. - Don't be her friend. - Don't be her friend. That's (beep) crazy. - To throw Nicola under the bus, like that's so mean. - That puts her in a really dangerous position. Like, that was really dangerous. That was really unfair. That this is gonna have long lasting effects. And the fact that her apology included like LOLs and hahas. - She's like, "I was so drunk.". - No, you're calling up every single person at that wedding. and telling them.

- Gonna get your ass. - No. My god. - The Ghostbuster comes in. - We're ghostbusting your ass, bitch. - You blame it on being drunk and then you're like, you woke up the next day, and you're like, "What did I do?". Like, resolve the problem. Tell everyone, "No, it was me.". - Fix this shit. - You ruined a lot of shit. - That's wild she got away with it too. - [Tommy] I know. - Because a person caught them. - Right. - And saw them. - Right. - And then somehow this rumor fully succeeded, and she was running around saying it.

- Well, it's 500 people. It's impossible to keep anything-. - It's 500. That's right. - 500 people drinking. I'm sure there was a carnival about, maybe a Ferris wheel. - Elephant? - Hard to keep rumors. - I forgot there was 5,000 people at this wedding. - Yeah, so rumors fly. - Right. The percentage of possibility of something crazy like that. - Yeah. We could have an "Atonement" situation. going on here. - I don't know what that means. - "Atonement". It's a book and a movie that's really good. - A book in a movie? - It's an accusation book.

A lie. A false accusation. - A book in a movie. - That has tragic consequences. - A book in a movie. - Okay. Comments. "If Caroline wants to continue your friendship, "she needs to make this right. "and tell everyone that she lied. "If she doesn't, then I would personally cut ties. "Being drunk is no excuse for what she did. "I think Nicola needs to stand up for herself as well. "She should be very clear with people. "that she would never do something like that. "Tell her not to let someone else ruin her reputation. "If Caroline won't set the record straight, "Nicola, you and your family can.".

OP responds, "Thanks for the suggestion. "I haven't actually considered asking Caroline to go public. "and own up to this situation. "I think I'll do this. "I actually have no idea how she will react. "Caroline is usually a decently moral person, "but she also hates confrontation. "My family and I have been trying. "to set the record straight, "but it's really hard to undo a rumor. "that is spread around to so many people, "a lot of which we are not that close with. "Mostly because nobody actually. "wants to talk about it to us directly. "Most of the talk goes on behind our backs, "but of course we know it's happening.". Someone else said, "Daniel's caught.

"Everyone knows he had sex. "Can he just clear up which girl it is he (beep)? "Regardless, I think your friendship is probably over. "I'd go ahead and show those texts and tell your story. "This is so humiliating for your innocent sister.". Someone else said, "People take a lot of pictures at weddings. "Any chance there are pictures. "of Caroline hanging all over Daniel?". - Yeah, like that's the proof. Like, she herself had to pull Caroline off of this guy, and she snapped at her. Like, it's all there. - It probably was obvious to a lot of people. But there's 500 people.

- Yeah. - So there's a lot of people who just weren't seeing things. - It's just so damaging. - This could only happen at a 500 person-. - Exactly. - Only, only. - Like, if you have under 100 people, everyone's gonna be like, "No, we all saw it.". - We all know who's who here. And like, it's just that kind of a thing. being a rumor thrown on a girl can be like life ruining. - Oh yeah. - There are women who have had to change schools. because of rumors like that. that just get blown out of proportion. - Being 19 sucks. - Yeah.

- Like, it sucks. And to have that. And also at 19, you kinda like, I don't know. A lot of people just already are going through the struggle. of like hating themselves. - Yeah, who am I? - And you have a bunch of people now going, "I can't believe you did this horrible thing.". And even if you know you're innocent, there's a psychological aspect. of enough people telling you you did something. - You're like, "Did I?". - You're gonna feel like you did it even if you didn't. Okay. Update. - Let's go! Please. - Please. - Caroline has to get what's coming to her, right?

But do we think it's photos? Do we think it's witness testimony? - Stones thrown at her. - Do we think Daniel throws her under the bus? - I don't think Daniel's gonna do anything. - No. - He hasn't done anything. He won't do anything. - Daniel's gonna be a waste of time. I think we know that. - I think someone saw the Reddit post. and gave an honest account of the experience. - Whoa. - Because remember, she didn't change names or anything. - That would be crazy. I'm down. - I hope. I hope. Just something. - Okay. "So about a week and a half ago, "Caroline casually called me and asked to sleep over. "She wanted to attend an event downtown,

"and my place was much closer to the event than hers. "At this point, it became very clear. "that Caroline had no idea anybody was upset with her, "despite the fact that Nicola. "and I hadn't spoken with her since the wedding. "I told Caroline. "that I didn't think her sleeping over was a good idea. "And when she had asked why, "I brought up what happened at the wedding. "She laughed and said Nicola needed to grow up. "and get over it. "And it really seemed like she expected me to agree. "and laugh along with her. "Well, Reddit, I took your advice and let her have it. "I told her how selfish and inconsiderate she was, "and if it truly was no big deal,

"then she should have no problem taking full responsibility. "for her actions and publicly acknowledging. "that she was the one who hooked up with Daniel. "and not Nicola. "I told her she needed to make things right. "because Nicola was still mortified. "over something she didn't do. "At the end of the phone call, I gave her an ultimatum. "Post an apology on Facebook. "and spill the beans about what actually happened. "or our friendship was over. "Thanks to the Redditor who suggested this. "To my complete and utter surprise, she did it. "I thought it would make me feel better. "But people were actually commenting on her Facebook status. "commending her bravery.

"and the fact that she did the right thing. "I was super annoyed. "because of course she would never have done this. "had I not forced her to. "But at the end of the day, Nicola is happy, "and her name is in the clear.". - That's what matters. - That's what matters. - "Oh, and an update on Daniel. "and his girlfriend. "According to his Instagram, they are happily together. "Whether or not she knows about Caroline, I don't know, "and I don't care. "Not my train wreck.". How does she not know? It's public everywhere. - Oh my god. There's 500 people there! - What a weird... Whatever. As long as Nicola is fine.

Like, I guess that's the takeaway. - That is wild. - It's a wacky world out there. - Yeah. - Hey man, really awesome that you're owning up. - Oh my god, that's so brave of you to tell us that. - Hey, that's huge, dude. Good job. - Thanks for coming clean. about that. All right, let's move on. - That's crazy. - That's so insane. - Well, Nicola's name has been cleared though. - Yeah, that's not the end, that's not the update I was expecting at all. - [Tommy] Me either. - It's very straightforward and whatever. - It is Facebook after all. - I guess Facebook is the way to do it.

I was like, how do you like publicly clear someone's name? I was like, is she gonna go door to door, like campaigning like a congress person? Like, what do you do in a city like that? - It's Facebook. You could post an AI image of whatever, and people would be like, "This is real.". - Like, see, it was Nicola. And it's like picture of them. - Exactly. It's just the most awful AI image. (Courtney groans). Well, all right. - Justice for Nicola was achieved. - Yeah. I still don't think I'd... That's hard to be friends with someone. after they did that. - No.

- No, no. Simply no. - Simply no. - These are some wild friends that people have out there. - Yeah. - Yeah, I mean 'cause like it's one thing to do that, do the quote unquote "the home wrecking.". But also like OP was trying to get her outta that situation, trying to pull her away from it, and this friend snapped at her. Like, whoa. People's masks are slipping. You know, that's kind of when you can see-. - Yeah. Yeah.

- Like, that's just on the smallest scale. And then she goes on to do bigger and bigger things. Like, I just don't see any room. to forgive someone like that, in my opinion. - Totally. - Well, good. Everyone was really disappointing this time. - We're not mad, we're just disappointed. - We're gonna put this all in the pizza to joy ratio. - Yeah, do you think we are gonna, so now do we have to like eat a bunch of pizza. to feel better about this episode? - I think that's what the takeaway was from that story. - I think that is literally the takeaway. - Yeah, you eat a bunch of pizza and you feel good.

- Okay. Pizza coming? - Pizza coming? - Pizza coming? - Well, thank you both for being here. - Thank you for having. - And thank you all for watching. I hope you don't have any friends like this. - Yeah. And, Shayne, thanks for being my best friend. - Oh, you two are best friends. - [Shayne] Thank you, best friend. - We're best friends. - We're just best friends. - I don't have a bet. (everyone laughs). Just clarifying that. There is no bet. - Let us know what other themes. and subreddits you wanna see on this show. Let us know your thoughts and opinions on these stories.

that we've read today. And we'll see you next Saturday. Bye! - Bye.