Exes And Oh NOs | Reading Reddit Stories

- Hello and welcome to Smosh Read's Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is exs, or people who are on their way to becoming exs. In fact, most of the stories we got today. come from the subreddit, Am I the Ex, which is a fave of mine. I'm joined by two people who are, they're not exs, they're here right now. They're in my life. Ian and Damian. (person laughing). - Hello. - Hey. - Hey. Great to see you, man. And hey, sometimes you can be friends with an ex too.

- Oh, totally. - But also sometimes you don't want to. (people laughing). - Sometimes no. - And if you ever wanna play two truths, one lie with me. - Yeah. - Lemme know. - Sure. (laughing). - At some point you gotta forgive yourself for that. - I never will. - Okay. - It'll stay with me till the end of my days. - Oh. - We just gotta get someone. to do something way worse to you. - I like that. - It'll, that's balance.

- Yeah. - Yeah. - Call up Thanos. - As all things should be. - Yeah. - Look at this knife I got at the gas station. Ooh. - I think I'm always amazed when people do things. that they don't realize is going to end their relationship. - Yeah. - When they, like, will read so many stories. where people do something so heinous and they're like, yeah. So do you think my girlfriend's mad at me? Or my boyfriend's mad at me? It's like, they're not your boyfriend anymore. - Yeah. Yeah. - They're gone. - Yeah. - It almost scares me. Like people are so unaware sometimes.

- It's also the level of unaware that like, well now I'm gonna go ask the internet about it. because something can't be right here. - Yeah. Right. - Yeah. - It's like a main characters kind of thing, maybe. - Yeah. - When everyone knows that we are the main characters. - Exactly. - That's right. - We're the protagonists. We all dress the same color scheme today. That blue matches your eyes perfectly, and I just wanna say that. - Thanks, Damien. Alright. So shall we hop in? - Yeah, I'm ready. - Heck, let's do it. - I love me some relationship drama, so let's go.

- Toxically, I love it. - Oh God. - We're gonna fix some things here today for these folks. I think so. - Yes. - We're gonna do some good today. - I think so. - Alright. So our first story comes from, Am I the Ex, and also Am I the Asshole? This was posted in February of 2023. - Ooh. - Am I the asshole for demanding my girlfriend. tell me her author's pen name. - Ooh. - Okay. I, a 32-year-old man have been dating Sivan, a woman who's 32 for six months now. She's always been very vague about what she does.

for a living, saying things like writing. and working from home writing. But recently one of her friends mentioned something. and I finally dragged it out of her. She's an author, she writes and self-published romance. and erotica stories and novels. And while not rich, she's able to make a living out of it. I googled her name and couldn't find anything. So I confronted her about this. She said she's writing under a pen name. So I demanded she give it to me so I know what she does. She refuses saying she doesn't want it. to be leaked even by accident,

and no one knows. I accused her of not trusting me, and she still refused, which was really annoying. I tried a nicer approach. and told her that I want to know her fantasies. so I can try it out with her, and she told me that what she writes aren't her fantasies, but her readers', and she's still not going to tell me. At night, I tried to check her laptop for her pen name, but she changed her password before bed. I was annoyed and told her she clearly doesn't trust me. and it's not fair because I have a right to know. what she writes, especially since it's a sensitive topic,

and I don't know her if I don't know her pen name. She was furious that I tried to look on her laptop. and told me to go home. Before leaving, I told her when she calls to apologize, I expect to get her pen name with the apology. She called me an asshole on my way out. I thought she'd call by now, but she hasn't. My sister told me I was the asshole and I should apologize, but I just don't see it and need a second opinion. Was I the asshole? - I don't know if we get the answer on this, but should we take guesses on what the material is?

I'm gonna say it's either Bigfoot or werewolf. - Bigfoot? - Bigfoot. Yeah. - Bigfoot erotica. - Yeah. It's big. - Yeah, it's really big. - I never thought of, well, it would have to be, I never thought about that as a genre, but I guess that would make sense. The problem though, Ian, is that you're displaying the same. morbid curiosity that this asshole is. (group laughing). Yeah, and we can't do that. She doesn't want us to know. - I mean, I don't think it's necessary. It's not his business really to know exactly.

what she's writing. But I would be very curious, but I wouldn't try to break into her computer to find out. - Yeah, no, how he started was I demanded she tell me, it's like, well, you've already lost. Like, you've already failed. - You must tell me. - You failed this already. And then, yeah, she didn't trust you. - You told her like, oh, you have trust issues. So I invaded her privacy. - Right. - By checking her laptop. - Thereby, proving her point. - Yeah.

I think she was onto something by not telling you. - Yeah. - And look, I would understand, I would understand. the feeling of insecurity or the feeling of hurt. if you were dating, if you were with someone. or married to someone for like a decade. And you're like, oh, you're writing stuff under a pen name. and you weren't telling me like, oh, what is that? Like, I wanna know everything. Like, I wanna know. Six months is still to me early on. when I'm like, you're getting to know each other. a little bit still. - Yeah. - And yeah, that trust isn't fully there.

Like I think that's fair to say. when you're dating someone for six months, you maybe don't fully 100% trust them yet. Like that is what dating is. Is that a wild thing to say? I don't know. - I don't think that's a wild thing to say, but I think she brings up a good point in there. where it's not just about trusting the person. She's like, I don't want it leaked by mistake. - Yeah. - I mean, I've had things. where people will look like at a story on Instagram. and zoom in and zoom in and zoom in. and see something on someone else's phone. and be like, oh, that's the info. Like, it's so hard to keep things private,

and like as actors, we sign NDAs, you know, it's not wrong of the writer here to be curious. It is also not at all wrong for Sivan to want their privacy. - Yeah. - But it's that kind of conversation. where it's like, alright, can you be in a relationship. where you don't get to know everything. about your partner's professional life? Like it's kind of sounds like it's up to that as opposed. to like, I deserve to know it. - Yeah. Absolutely. - Yeah. - He also goes on to say, oh yeah, I'd wanna know.

what your fantasies are so that I can try it out with you. It's like, that is not how this works at all. - You're not reading a book. - Yeah. - You can talk to her at best. - Yeah. But it's like, oh, I like the Fast and Furious movies. Oh, should we go 150 on the freeway? It's like, no. Like, that's a movie. - Yeah. - I wanna watch the movie. I don't, that's different than real life. And I feel like a lot of, frankly, just from the stories we read, it seems like a lot. of guys seem to really not understand. the whole approach to reading erotic novels.

Like they're like, oh, this is something you want to do. It's like, not exactly. This is something I wanna read. - Right. But this is, but she's writing. - She's writing it. - She's writing it. And she makes the point, she makes the point of-. - Yeah. - These aren't my fantasies. These are my reader's fantasies. - Yeah. Yeah. - Like, she's writing something that she's selling. - She's found a market. I mean, Bigfoot, big market. Trust me. Trust me. - That's what they say. - And this is how she's making a living. So she is probably past the point, I'm sure she started writing from like a real place, but now she's probably got demands to meet.

Like, she's like, this is my living. I gotta like, write what I think people are gonna like. - Yeah. - You know, she's probably trying. to find like her own fantasies there, but yeah, she's, she's making a product now. - Also, yeah, starting with demand is crazy to me. - You lost. - Yeah. - I demand, I don't think, I can't think of anything that I've ever demanded. from a partner. unless it's like, no, I can't even think. Like, you can say like, for myself. to stay comfortable in this, I need us to make these changes.

Are you amenable to that? - Right. - Demanding something is crazy. - It's, well, that's transparent, blatant controlling behavior. Is like, Hey, you have to do this. I'm telling you to do this. Like, that's just works. - And six months in is kind of crazy. - Yeah. That's a huge red flag. - Yeah. - In this house we write dragon smut. I demand you write dragon smut. - I think he's the ex already and doesn't realize it. Verdict was He's the asshole. - Yeah. - Comments. You're the asshole. "I have a right to know what she writes.".

Based on what? You want to know what she writes. Don't confuse that with having any sort. of right to the information. 69,000 upvotes. - Nice. Let's go. - Let's go. - Sick. - That's awesome. - And Reddit kept it there. - Yeah, they should. Yeah. - Nobody else liked it. - Thank you for the gold, kind stranger. - Hello. - Someone said, I can't believe she doesn't trust me, he said as he attempted to break into her laptop. - For real. - Someone said, you're the asshole with bells on. She wants to write erotica from the safety of anonymity.

You don't get to remove that. You're a double asshole for expecting an apology. If she were here, half the sub, more like 95% would be urging her. to dump your controlling ass. that would probably dox her in the event of a messy breakup. Someone said, you're the asshole. and you spelled ex-girlfriend wrong. - Nice. - Woo. - Got em. - My ex-grilfriend. (people laughing). - And that's why you'll never be a writer. - Yeah. Truly. Wow. - Okay. Good start. - All right. That's a nice ease in, I'm sure.

- Yeah. - I'm sure things are probably gonna get a little, a little saucier-. - Yeah, 'cause he was demanding. He tried to do something (beep) up. He didn't fully succeed. He sucked at it. And thankfully, so I have a feeling. these are gonna get worse. - Yeah. - Where people actually do some heinous things. - Yeah. - Yeah. - If you guys were to were to write smut, what would you do? - Morning Glory or whatever. - Yeah. Yeah. Morning Glory. - Looking for the milk. - I read it. No. Like truly.

I need more suggestions from people, 'cause I'll read anything. - Wait, was that like a, I was it a minotaur? What was it? - A Minotaur? I'm sorry. I don't know mythological beasts. - They're minotaurs. - Oh, they're minotaurs. - They're minotaurs. Yeah. It's a fantasy world where all these fantasy creatures exist. and that author goes on to write a bunch. of novels about all sorts of monsters that people be (beep). - But really just the minotaur was what really-. - That's the first one. At least that's one that I read. I've not read any other, I've not read any other erotica, but I'm down. - Just that one?

- I'm down. I'll read anything. I actually on purpose when in my reading, just a fun fact, I try not to repeat genres. So I'll read a horror novel. and I'll be like, okay, next I'm gonna read. a like classic lit. And then after that I'll be like, oh, I need to read a mystery. And then after that I'll be like, I'll read a sci-fi. - Yeah. - I like to jump around because I'm not like, I'm not a genre person. - Like, where's Waldo? - Yeah. Oh yeah. I'll jump to like Goodnight Moon. - A real who's who of genres. - Yeah. - What would be your smut topic of choice, 'cause I feel like, you know, you asked us and that's great,

but I feel like you want to be asked. - Oh, I never really thought about that before. - Like, like the embodiment of a highway. - Yeah. Oh yeah. Like someone, old car smut. - Car smut. Well that exists. - Yeah, you're right. - You've told me about a movie of someone (beep) a car. - Oh well it was in my strange addiction. of a guy that (beep) car. But I'm thinking anthropomorphic cars. - Oh, like, like the cars, like the Pixar Cars. - Like Cars, the Pixar movie, but then the people.

Yeah. Well they're not people. - Right. Oh, so you're just saying in the Cars universe, them having sex with each other. - Yeah, of course. - They gotta do something. - Well, how else are they gonna make more cars? Alright, - Well we bailed them out. - Anyway. - You didn't ask, you didn't ask Damien. - Damien, what kind of smut would you write? - Oh, well, no, I think I would probably, it would have. to be like someone is super obsessed with the video game, but all the characters are like, man, that guy. that plays this game is like so attractive. I wish we weren't stuck in this game.

- Ooh. - So it'd be like someone like playing like a hero shooter, like an Overwatch or something, and they're like, oh, I sure do like this character. And the character's like, wow, we actually like you too. - Okay. Oh, isn't that like Ready Player One? - No, this is a new one. (group laughing). This is a different one, man. Don't worry about it. This episode is sponsored by Aura Frames. We are deep into the holiday season. and the pressure of getting the right gift under a tight. deadline is always anxiety inducing. Why not make it easy with Aura Frames?

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Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. You can't wrap togetherness, but you can frame it. Now back to the show. Our next story comes from, Am I the Asshole. and Am I the Ex from about May of 2025. So earlier this year. - Wow. - Or last year, depending on when this is released. - 'Cause we're filming this in June of 2025. - Yeah. (laughing). - Alright. Am I the Asshole for adopting a dog. after I thought my boyfriend broke up with me? Okay. My boyfriend was going through a tough time.

and he said he needed a break. He said he was going to press pause on our relationship. and go visit his family in Washington. I asked how you pause a relationship. 'cause I don't understand how that works. He said he needed some time to work on himself. and asked me to respect that. After he left, I reached out to him a few times via text, asking him to let me know he arrived safe. and to say hi to his mom for me. I received no response. I tried to call and left a message asking if. he had broken up with me. I came to the conclusion that he'd ghosted me.

and my friends agreed. I was bummed and my best friend recommended. I find something like a new hobby. or a new show to watch. that wouldn't make me think of my boyfriend. I decided to get a dog. My boyfriend is horribly allergic to pet dander, so I never even considered getting a pet. However, since he broke up with me, I decided to get one. He's a senior dog from the shelter that needed rescuing. - Aw. - He's low energy and likes to lay. with his head in my lap while I read work or watch TV. - After six weeks away, my boyfriend texted me.

that he was back and coming over tomorrow, which was yesterday so we could talk. - I was shocked and texted him back asking. what he was talking about. He said he was back and ready to unpause our relationship. He said he would talk to me about everything the next day. - I texted back asking what relationship? He didn't answer. Yesterday he showed up and told me he had done. a lot of self-examination. and was ready to move forward on his life path.

He even wanted to talk about moving in together. Then he saw my dog and started freaking out. He asked me how I could get a dog when I know. how sick he gets. I told him that since he broke up with me, I didn't think it mattered. He said he didn't break up with me. I said, he ghosted me. He said he communicated with me telling me he. was pressing pause and visiting family. I said, not answering texts is ghosting. We argued in circles and he then he said he had to leave. because he was getting an allergic reaction.

even though he was standing in the doorway not inside. I feel like he broke up with me. and it was okay that I got a dog. He says that he never did and therefore. it's a horrible act of disregard. to have gotten a dog. Which of us is right? My best friend said I should break up. with him because he's a jerk. I don't think I should have to break up with someone. that already broke up with me. If I break up with him, I'm basically agreeing with him. that he didn't break up with me. and therefore I was an Asshole for getting the dog. (people laughing). Okay. (laughing).

- The semantics of it, of like, I didn't fire you, you fired me, or whatever. Like, who cares? - I'm kind of at there at that point. where I'm like, it doesn't really matter. Like it just don't wanna deal with this guy anymore. And you got a head start. - But he pressed pause guys, it's like a video game. Life is like a video game. You know, you just press pause. - The system will overheat if you leave it on for six weeks. - Oh, and it'll burn in on the screen too. - Yeah. - When I read the title I was thinking, or when it, when it first started and when he was like, oh,

I took a break. I was like, oh, it was a week and she got a dog. - Yeah. Six weeks. - Like if it's like, oh, the next day you went and got a dog, it's like, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Six weeks? - That's crazy. - That's a breakup. - Of no contact. - Six weeks not responding to texts. Yeah. You broke up. - Yeah. - You don't get to pause for two months. Doing something like a break is so, so, so specific. Whether it's a break, whether it's taking space, taking time, you have to put the boundaries there. You have to have the until when, when is it safe for us.

to come together and talk. - Yeah. - Are we gonna have check-ins, whatever, for him. to just be like, okay, done, blocked for six weeks is nuts. Also when he says like, moving forward with his life plan, if he was visiting family out of town for six weeks, does the man not have a job? Like what's-. - He put a pause on his job. - Oh, okay. - Called the boss. Hey boss, I gotta put a pause on the job. - Yeah. - No, no. I'm actually not fired. - What do you mean? No, I'm not fired. So you'll keep paying me. - I'm not in trouble for this. - But I'm just not coming in for a while.

And that's how it goes. - Yeah. - The audacity. - But I'm gonna have to put a pause on pooping. - Dude, that would be so bad for you. - Oh, well, you know what? I put a pause on it. - Okay. - I think there's the middle, I mean, she, she is putting all these stipulations of like, oh, well, I don't want it to be that, like, I'm agreeing that we didn't break up. It's like, no, you kind of did. Like, he worded it so badly. He communicated it so horribly. Like you guys did break up. Like if you believed you broke up then.

and you were moved on, then you broke up. - Yeah. - Like, that's fine. And he didn't text you for six weeks. - Yeah. There was no like agreement either. - No. - He said, I'm leaving. I'm putting a pause, and then she's like, what are you talking about, and then just got nothing in response. So there was no agreement on pause. - Yeah. - Plus the like, I'll be here tomorrow. Like, this guy sucks a lot. - Yeah. - Like, I'm doing this now. Goodbye. - Yeah.

- No, she absolutely dodged a bullet. because he's just showing such disregard for her. and her life and he's just like, oh, you're this thing. that I get to, like, I get to make all the decisions. - Right? Yeah. - I'm back. Yeah. Actually we're doing this. - When it's convenient for me. - Yeah. And six weeks is a lot of time-. - That's a long time. - That it's like, oh, so you're gonna come back. after six weeks and you're assuming she's the same. - Yeah, she's mourned for however many weeks. She's gone through all the stages. She's called her friends eating ice cream on the phone. at night, being like, why would this happen?

She's moved on and gotten a dog. and now it's like even on her end of like, if she wanted this, I don't know. how you reconnect after that. - Also though, even if they had communicated a break. and she goes, I understand we're going on a break, we're putting our relationship on pause for six weeks, he goes away, he goes, you know what, I've grown and I've learned and I've realized. I wanna do this. I wanna move in together. She had six weeks to do the same. - True. - To go, you know what, and I've decided I wanna move on. - I was really happy when you went here. - Yeah. And I see that happen a lot.

I've heard about that happening, and then the person who initiates it is blown away. - Yeah. Yeah. - Because I'm like, oh yeah. 'cause you weren't thinking about your partner, you're so focused on yourself. - Yeah. - So, yeah, you maybe do have to work on yourself. and figure some more things out. - I also just like, I don't know, I guess I'm a little suspicious of people if they're like, I'm going on a break and I'm leaving town for six weeks. - Yeah. - It's like, what are you doing during that time. on this break? - Yeah. - And then there's also, I feel like when people go on breaks, there's also,

there's maybe, I feel like people don't always communicate, like, okay, but are we seeing other people? - Right. - Can we do that? Are you just going off to like-. - That's a good point. - Go, you know-. - Are you testing something else out, that it doesn't work. So you're like, oh yeah, no, and let's move back in together. and everything. - Yeah. - I wouldn't be surprised if there was something. like that going on here. - Little hometown hottie, you know. - Yeah, I was gonna say a little hometown hottie. - Hometown hottie. - Written by Ian Hecox. - Alright. That is my smut book.

Hometown Hottie. It is Bigfoot. (group laughing). - We're here in Oregon. - My summer with Squatch. - Yeah. Yeah. 'Cause like a week or two is like, okay, yeah, you were going through something. Six weeks is like, did you go have. a full on relationship somewhere else and come back? - Yeah. I would never be able to handle that. Nah. Like, I'd be like, no, we're done. - The hometown, like the fact that it's hometown, just like, 'cause you know-. - High school ex. - Yeah. There's those things where you, it's like when you were.

in high school, you had always wondered about this one girl. where like the timing just didn't match up. And then now she's single and then you're kind wondering. - It's a whole Hallmark movie. - Yeah. - Like, is it, is it Caleb Huron or Mateo Lane, one of those like popular comedians you see a lot on TikTok, that's like a Hallmark movie is like a girl. with a guy whose whole problem is just like, I have to close this deal or it is gonna set us up. for like 10 years and we're gonna be totally fine. And then she goes home. and it's just like the first guy standing there.

It's just a guy. - He's wearing a flannel shirt always. - Yes, flannel. - Chopping the cord of wood. - Yeah. A hundred percent. So it's like, I feel like that kind of happened. where he is like, I'm gonna go to my hometown. And then wow, she's there and it's always been, after six weeks, he's like, no, Hallmark movies suck. Little specious. - He fully ghosted her. - Right. - This isn't just like he was minimal contact, whatever. He fully ghosted her and she texted him. leaving a message asking if he had. broken up with me and he did not respond.

And if I'm in her situation, I'm taking that as a yes. We've broken up, and her friends clearly did. So if he comes back in anything, all she has to do is show him that text and go, You didn't respond to this. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And then I didn't hear from you for six weeks. I have no choice. I don't get to sit here forever. - I will say, this might not even be necessary, but like the only benefit of the doubt I'd ever give. to somebody like that is I have had a legitimate situation. before where in a dating situation, someone was like,

you haven't been like responding to any of my stuff. And I'm like, I didn't even notice that you texted. And it was like, I don't think. I'm getting notifications for you. I had this moment of like, can you text me right now? And then they did. And I like held up my phone. I was like, it's not popping up. - Oh no. - And so like I had to like turn off notifications, turn it back on and like it fixed it. But there was always like the half of a percent chance. that something like that is going on. But for him to not even try on his end.

- He's not even reached out to her. Yeah. - It sucks. - And to go therapy, speak for five seconds, it's giving avoidant. - Yeah. - I think it's giving avoidant attachment style. - Verdict. Not the Asshole. Comments, which of us is right. Do the semantics actually matter? Six weeks of no contact. and he just decides to magically show up again, and he thinks you should have unpaused your life. just because he said so. Block him and move on. He does not have any right.

to disappear without communication, reappear as if nothing happened. and expect you to be okay with it. I'm willing to bet good money. that if you accept this behavior once, it will become reoccurring for the rest. of your relationship/life. Nobody has time for that nonsense. Not the Asshole. Someone else said, from what I've seen of breaks, there are rules discussed about what is and is not okay. during the course of a pause. for the play button to still work. He wouldn't even answer a text clarifying. whether he'd broken up with her or not. If he'd really wanted time to think.

and to protect the relationship at the time he would have. answered that text. The dog is the best Eff you, we're done response. She gets a lovely pupper and he has reason to stay gone. Someone said, I wonder who he was trying to get with. that didn't work out during those six weeks. Tell him to shove his gaslight right up his ass. Yeah. A lot of comments. Also went along with that line of like the six week amount. - That's so much. - I try not to jump too cheating. - Right? - Like they're cheating on you. But six weeks is a lot of time and it's a specific amount.

- And it's out of town. - It's outta town. - It's outta town. It's suspicious as hell. And like taking time apart. or like taking a step back can be fine. But the idea where it's like, even if there weren't someone else involved, if you don't want to talk to this person even a little bit. for six weeks, you shouldn't be in a relationship. - I think he straight up blocked her. or silenced notifications, which again leads me to think the cheating thing. - Yeah. - Yeah. I think in my real life when, when talking to people.

with anything related to this type of situation. or just suspicious behavior, whatever, or just red flags, I don't bother with the concept. of them cheating if it doesn't even matter. - Yeah. - Because I'm like what he did, even if he went. and he wasn't cheating on you. is still enough to break up with him. - Absolutely. - You can ponder if he cheated on you. Does it make a difference? - No. - I think you're gonna go. about the same decision moving forward. - You're looking for an answer in situations like that.

Like what is the reason, what's gonna make this easier? But you're just trying to find control in a situation where, yeah, you have none. End of the day he screwed you over big time. - Right. Finally someone said, guy reply, you're not the Asshole. You replaced him with a far more stable. and emotionally mature partner. Well done. Give that dog some hugs. and go out on walks scoping for a new guy. with your four legged wingman. - Nice. - God, wouldn't it suck if the dog. was like gaslighting her too? (group laughing). She's like, you got a way better dog. It's just like you're acting crazy.

and everyone's been talking like, whoa. - Dog's like, Hey, I need to go to another house for you. - You actually didn't gimme dinner. - You always do this. - Yeah. - Yeah. My cats gaslight us. I will feed them. 20 minutes later, Courtney will come down. and they'll start meowing and I'm like-. - They're trying to trick you. - Little bastards. - They're trying to trick you. - And they'll look at me like, how dare you (beep). We're trying to get second dinner. - You're not a hobbit, you're a cat. - They're bastards is what they are.

- Yeah. - Next story. This one comes from relationship advice. - We got this buddy. - It comes from mid 2023. Good year. - It was pretty mid. - A fine year for Reddit stories. - Yeah. - Okay. This is a 40-year-old woman. My husband who's 41 together six years snooped on my phone. and found out about something I did years ago before we met. Does he have a right to be mad? I'll get straight into it. For some reason recently he started to think. I'm messaging and meeting other men.

I'm not, I've never messaged anyone since. the day of our first date, and I've certainly not met anyone. I don't know where this has come from. We have each other's passcodes for our phones, but I've never once felt the need to look at his, and I don't mind him using mine. But reading my messages, I do mind, as I don't think it's fair on the people I'm talking to. Onto what happened. I went to the shops the other day. and I left my phone at home. When I got back, my husband got in my face. and called me a slag and a tramp.

and all sorts of other nasty names. He went through my Facebook messages. and found a message from 16 years ago. - Come on, brother. - At the time, at the time I was so poor. having just lost my job and having bills to pay. I applied for hundreds of jobs. and needed my car to get to interviews. It broke down, not terribly, but it needed a new alternator. I messaged a couple friends who were mechanics. and both wanted over a hundred pounds, which was a good quote, but I just couldn't afford it. I offered one of them, I'd send him a couple of nudes. for now and pay him when I got a job.

He agreed, and within a day I was back on the road. Once I had a job, I offered to pay him. and everything was fine. The mechanic is sadly dead now. so my husband has nothing to be wary of. - That's okay. - Must have been some real bad pictures. - I was gonna say that. (group laughing). I was thinking that. - Or so good that he saw, whoa. - When your eyes fly out-. (overlapping chatter). - Yeah. It turns out he exploded.

- Oh, like a in the holy grail or whatever. - Yeah, yeah. Indiana Jones. - Their face melted. Okay. After he had finished ranting and raving at me, I told him I'll never forgive him. for looking through my phone and invading my privacy. I asked if he'd found anything else and he said no. I said, see, how many times do I have to tell you? In fact, I'm done telling you. I picked a few things and I left for my sisters. where I still am now. Is what I did 10 years before I met him really that bad? I'm starting to think he's projecting. with all these accusations constantly,

and now I'm starting to doubt him. Once trust has been broken like this, can it be repaired? - Okay. The projection thing's interesting. 'Cause that does almost make me, and you know, I guess I shouldn't always assume cheating, but it is kind of weird that he was like fishing. for something to be like, see, you did this because, I don't know, maybe our-. - It's very common. - It's, it is unfortunately a big telling sign. Yeah. - Yeah. - It is. It is.

As far as my understanding. and certainly anecdotally it's very common of like, they become suspicious because it starts to be like, well, I'm doing this thing to them. Yeah. They be doing it to me. - Like it's something to justify it to. And like, I guess I don't know fully why it happens, but it seems to be the case a lot of the time here. And also to like answer the main question, no, she shouldn't feel guilty. She shouldn't feel guilty at all. It's her choice on what to do with her body. - Yeah. - She did it in a way that was just like person to person.

You know, is it right of the guy to accept that? But at the same time, she was in a place of need. and she had to do what she had to do and she did it. - And you know what, I applaud her ingenuity. I mean, whoever thought of doing a layaway like that, you know, like being like, I can't pay you yet. Will this hold you over? Brilliant. - I mean, look. Yeah, I agree. - She, it's wild.

- It happened 16 years ago. - Yeah. - Right. Like, and I would let things slide far beyond that. for what you did 16 years ago. - Yeah. - And especially like as she's describing it, like, Hey, I was in a bind, like, and I didn't know what to do. And she was a young person, like trying to figure it out. - Yeah. - But her husband's coming at her with inexcusable things. Right? Like, it's one thing, I would say, it'd be one thing if he was like, oh,

like you never told me about this, and I'm curious. Like, but she doesn't owe him that. - No. - But just, I could see him being like, oh, like I didn't know this. - He also snooped to find it in the first place. - The problem is how he found it out was in a way. that already just completely destroys everything. - Absolutely. And like, this is, the math here kind. of hurts my feelings a little bit, but when you think about like, it's like, yeah, 16 years ago, it's like, well, she's 40 now, and you're like, yeah, it was whatever it was back then. She was 24. - Right. - That's a young person. - Yeah. - That's a young person.

And as she said, she's like, I was in a bind. I was going through a lot. - Sure. Yeah. - I think she's talking about once trust has been broken. like this, can it be repaired? She's talking on her end. I think, and I've said this before, when you're already in a place where it's like, I need to snoop through my partner's phone, I'm like, this is already so bad. - Yep. - If you're feeling that way either, yeah, he's already cheated on her, so that's why he is that way, or it's like, if you're feeling that way, you need to go to a couple's therapist. - Yeah.

- That is so hard to like, just, how do you fix that? Right. It is a massive question. And I don't know what the answer is. - I don't know. - Also slag. Is that some crazy British? - Yeah. What the hell? - Crazy British slang. (overlapping chatter). - I knew it. - I don't know. He's going through something. - Right. - I don't trust him. - I don't think I could ever call, no matter how angry I'd be like, you don't call-. - No, that's-. - Let alone a partner like a slut, a slag, like whatever. That's nuts. - Yeah. That's verbal abuse, right?

And I mean, he's gone to that realm. That's enough now to be like, you should not be with him. - No. - 'Cause where is this going from here? This is only gonna get worse. - Also, he's 41. She's 40. That's an age difference. (overlapping chatter). - Break up. - Well, Shane, you said you would forgive. something greater than that. What about a homicide 16 years ago? - Hmm. - Manslaughter? - Can't spell manslaughter without man's laughter. - Oh, that's right. Involuntary.

- I'm talking about... I will talk about, on a serious thing, on a serious thing of like, I think judging someone, like for sexual stuff from before a relationship, right, where it's like when I, 'cause there's been other stories. where people are like, oh yeah, I found out. my partner slept with X amount of people. before we were dating and like, I have a huge problem. It's like, but they're, you're here now. Like, yeah. I don't know. Like, that was years before you guys were dating. Like you're in the relationship now. How do you feel?

Like if you're having trust issues, then that's its own thing. Gotta figure that out. But this, I mean, yeah. I am contradicting myself from the previous one. This is making me jump to he's cheating, hardcore. I'm like, this guy's cheating on her. I'm feeling it. - He's the slag. - Yeah. - Like how far back on like messages was he scrolling? Like, there's gotta be something in here. Like 16, you have to go back 16 years of messages.

- It's true. You think about that, man, he is snooping. It's almost like he's trying to find a reason. - He is. - You could also, yeah, he's looking, he's looking for like, you're not as bad as I am. Or like, I need to break up. with you and I need to find a reason. - Yeah. - Like the human mind does a lot. - Come on, update. Come on. - Comments. I'd be more upset with the name calling than the snooping. But I'd also be questioning his sanity. for flipping out about something from 16 years ago. when you didn't even know him. (beep) batshit. He's probably cheating on you, dude. OP said, I was upset about it all, to be honest.

I've said a few times is he projecting? Someone said he's definitely up to something, and when he found that it was the only thing he found. that he could accuse you of, not that it matters. because anything you did before you even met him. is none of his business. Someone else said, your husband is looking. for reasons to divorce you. It's time to give him what he wants. (group gasping). This episode of Reddit Stories is also brought. to you by Masterclass. Recently I was gifted a masterclass membership.

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Head over to masterclass.com/pitreddit. for the current offer. That's up to 50% off at masterclass.com/pitreddit. Masterclass.com/pitreddit. Back to the show. Update. - Yay! - Alright. One month later. - Okay. Lot could happen in a month. - One month later. - What do you think? He was cheating? - I think yes. - I feel pretty confident in that bet. - But I don't know if she'll find out.

- But I don't think they're together. - Oh, I think the mechanic is back. - Oh, back from the dead. - Back from the dead. And he chases the husband around the house, and once the husband's like in the corner, the zombie says like, the nudes were good. (group laughing). And then just like leaves and the husband's like, oh, and there's a heart attack. - Yeah, that's good. Roll credits. - I like that. - Backstory. For months, my husband has been suspicious. that I'm cheating, even though I've never even messaged. another man since before our first date.

He snooped on my phone. and found a message from 16 years ago, 10 years before we got together where I was short of money. so I sent a mechanic some nudes in lieu of payment. for supplying and fitting an alternator. He called me all sorts of names and I got mad back. and said, I'll never trust him. and I think he's projecting. Onto the update and like many of you suggested. he was projecting and he's the one who's cheating. - Oh, poor thing. - There it is, ladies and gentlemen. - That sucks. - I left for my sister's. for a few days when I wrote that post,

driving past a premiere inn near her house. and saw his car outside. Waited by it for three hours. where he eventually emerged with another woman. He said it was the first time and he thought we'd split up. She said to him, what are you talking about and who is this, referring to me? He literally ran off like a coward. I spoke to this woman who turned out to be lovely. and she said they'd been seeing each other for over a year. - Oh no. Don't, that sucks. - He told her he was living with his religious parents.

after leaving his wife, so that's why they can never go back to his place. and had been staying in hotels. She was such a lovely young woman. and I ended up having to console her. and took her home myself. As for us, I'm back at home. and he is now back at his parents. who were very disappointed in him when they heard the news. and have been lovely to me. I've started divorce proceedings, but that'll be about a year away, I'd imagine. - So he's just a time traveler because, because he got his timeline mixed up,

'cause now he's living with his parents. - Yeah, he is living with his parents. - And he divorced his wife. - He spoke in the truth. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - He just messed up the timeline. - Right. So that's really what happened. - - That's how he went 16 years back in time. to read those messages. - That's right. - It happens to the best of us. - What if he killed the mechanic. (group laughing). - I think I found my smut book to write. (overlapping chatter). (beep). - Yeah. I can't be too shocked by this.

No, the timeline adds up that. for a few months he's been suspicious of her. It's like he started cheating and then it's just like, for a year? I've heard, I don't know the logistics or like. the psychology behind it, but I've heard that when people cheat they grow resentful. of the person they're cheating on. And I'm like, that's so interesting how that works. But that seems to be what happened here. Like he, I mean he lost his mind. Like it poisons you. - And I think he probably was looking for an out.

and then if he could blame it on her, then that would put him in maybe a more favorable position. for the divorce. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Not anymore. - Yeah. My favorite genre of Reddit story, if it involves cheating is like, I met the other person. and actually they were sick and we high five all the time. - Yeah. I'm like, yes! - It's very nice that she did not blame her. 'cause this woman didn't know. - No. - And hopefully this other woman is not gonna stay. with him either.

- Well, I would imagine not. - Yeah. - It sounds like not because she. has also been cheated on for a year. - Yes. Correct. Comments. That was very nice of you to console her. Please be sure to tend to your own emotions as well. Gotta look out for number one. OP said, to be honest, I was already 80% certain. I was going to divorce him after the name calling. and snooping. So this didn't devastate me as much as it normally would. Someone said, I really hope his mother. and father know that he abandoned the girl. he conned into a relationship at the motel. and that you were kind enough to take her home.

What a man. OP said, I told them he abandoned a 23-year-old, 30 miles from her home. - Talk about an age gap. - I was, you know what I about-. - You got the age gap. - When she said lovely young woman, I went, ugh. Because I was like, God, she sounds like she's talking about like a 24-year-old. - Oh he's doing, he's straight up doing the. midlife crisis thing. - He really did. He's 40 dating a 23-year-old. - Yeah. - Brother. - He did it. He did it. - He did it. And now he's alone. - Well no, he is not alone. He's with his parents.

- Oh. - Living with his parents. - Croissant in hand, I was with my parents. Next story, this comes from Am I the Asshole, and Am I the Ex? It was posted in spring of 2024. - Alright. - A fine year. - Fine year. - Rum Springer. Am I the for Asshole for photoshopping my boyfriend's ex out. of pictures when he was at work. - Alright. - Okay. - Okay. - This is a 27-year-old woman. My boyfriend who's 36 of a year, was married in his early twenties. and has two kids with his ex. He has three family pictures in his house.

that have her in the pictures. In one, it's her with the kids in the middle. of the two of them. In another, it's him with the kids. and her off to the right sort of in the background. In the third, it was him and her together with the two kids. and Mickey Mouse, Disney. She put in parenthesis, Disney. - Disney. - Oh, I was thinking of the other Mickey Mouse. - Yeah. Just so you know-. (overlapping chatter). (group laughing). She has been awful to me and I hate seeing her face. I've asked him to take the pictures down several times,

but he says they're special memories with the kids. Well, yesterday I had enough. I used a scanning app on my phone to scan the photos, then paid someone on Fiverr to remove her from the photos. All three of the photos look professionally done. It's the same photos just without her. I then went to Walmart. and had them print new pictures in the same size. I put them in the frames. I put the originals in a desk drawer. When my boyfriend came home, I asked him if he noticed anything different. He didn't, which is what I suspected.

The photos look great now and still have him in his kids. I pointed at one of the pictures. He got livid telling me that I was being a jealous Nancy. I admit that I laugh because what is a jealous Nancy? - It's kinda like a slag. - Yeah, yeah. Well the laughing really set him off. He asked for the originals back. and said he was going to put them back up. and gave me an ultimatum. to either accept his past relationship or move on. I said, I guess you don't want to be with a jealous Nancy. And he said, no. I laughed again and he asked me to leave.

I have not heard from him since. but expect him to get over it. Really, this woman has been terrible to me. I'm not going to get started on it, but she has been cruel to me to the point. of him breaking contact with her except by text. to talk about the kids. I think I have every right to not wanna see her face. One of the pictures is in his bedroom even, maybe I should just get over it. I felt like I was doing him a favor. because at least I didn't just cut her out, which was my original plan. Am I the Asshole? Edit. I have a great relationship with his children. Much to the ex's chagrin.

Several of you have assumed. that I was the other woman in the relationship. I was not. They were divorced long before I met him. You're right that there was infidelity. in their relationship. She cheated with two men that we know of. That's why they divorced. Also for the people calling this fake, I'm not sure what to tell you. I'm starting to wish that it was. because that would be easier than all. of you calling me names besides jealous Nancy, which is still funny. Alright. - There is one keyword in there. that I think is kind of important.

She said his bedroom. So this is his place. They don't live together. - Well, it's been a boyfriend of a year, they said. - Okay. - So yeah, I guess. I guess not. - I think it's like, I think that's weird behavior. to be honest. - On her part. - Yes. - Yeah. - It's super immature. - Yes. Yeah. - And it's clearly his things. - Right. - His place. If somebody came into my house.

and started changing my photos, that's weird behavior. - Right. - But also to be like, did you notice anything? Did you notice anything? - Yeah. (beep). - (beep) I'm not going into my house and going, that picture looks the same, that picture looks the same. - Yeah, like why did you, it's kind of the thing that. I feel sometimes where I'm like, okay, if you're gonna do something and secretive. and deceitful, do it well. - Do it all the way. - Like what are you doing? - Lie for longer.

- Like yeah. Like I'm like, okay, so hold on. You did this huge deceitful thing. You went through this whole process while he was gone. Only for him to show up and go, what? Anything looks crazy to you. I feel like I panicked, why did you do it? - Oh, haircut. New shirt, new dress. Like it. Yeah. - Why did you do it all secretively. if you're gonna just tell him immediately after. Like, I don't understand, if you're so uncomfortable. by these photos, then you need to just talk to him. Go, Hey, I feel really uncomfortable with these photos. She's been horrible to me.

It's triggering for me to look at her. Look, and if he says, no, I want these up, these are real memories from my life, you gotta accept that. - It kind of sounds like they did, like, it sounds like at the beginning-. - He drew the boundary. Yeah. - And that's the problem. Like, look, I can understand being uncomfortable seeing. the face of someone who's been absolutely awful to you. At the same time, it is a little, I wanna say immature. of her and there is that age gap, but what he got cheated on by his now ex-wife.

with potentially multiple, multiple people. and still has those up because it's such. a special memory to him. And she's just like, yeah, she sucks to me. Like I bet she did. Yeah, I bet that person is really awful. - But like Yeah, but she's still like the mother. of his children. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So it's like they, I feel like they're just kind of. at an impasse here where she says, this makes me uncomfortable. He says, Too bad. - Yeah. - And like, and at some point it's like, do you just deal with it. or do you, is this somewhere something where you,

you just like can't reconcile this difference. and you just have to... - It's a weird hill to die on. and this is a weird behavior to try. to like fix it for yourself. - Right. - Like, you'll never guess what I did for us. - Yeah. Yeah. Once again, like when we're talking about like, the other one was six months. This is the first year in that type of behavior. It's like, alright, I think for sure. maybe this isn't gonna work. And same too, if she was writing in being like, I am really uncomfortable by these photos.

This ex has been horrible to me. and I can't handle, I can't handle this. Am I an Asshole for breaking up with him? It'd be like, no. Like, if it's too much for you, like you can leave. - Yeah. - But you can't control him. and you can't change his place and what he chooses to do. with his things, like. - I would only argue like maybe they could find a balance. by adjusting the placement. Like if it's the first thing you see when you walk. in the house every day, that sucks. If it's in, you know, she said his Bedroom,

maybe take it the bedroom-. - Like, you know, you don't wanna look over at that. If you guys are being like romantic, that would suck, but like, I don't know otherwise. - Right. I feel like there-. - That's a fair ask. - Yeah. There's a compromise. Move it somewhere where you feel like you don't have. to constantly confront it, maybe. - Right. I have, I struggle with Reddit stories like this, where all we have is what they wrote. - Right. - And she's leaving so much out. - Yes. - And she's like, I could get into this, but I'm not gonna. - I can't get into it. - And I'm like, well, then I have no choice but to like,

I'm not going to add my speculation, but now I have nothing to go off of. And you're also not saying what the conversations were. So I don't know how those conversations sounded. I don't know how many there have been. Like, there's so much that's left out that's so key here. - Yes. - Because I'm like, your behavior's not sounding so like. nice and kind and respectful. But you're saying how cruel this ex is, but you're not sounding particularly-. - It's giving Nancy. - Jealous Nancy.

- Dude, you're acting like a proper jealous Nancy. (group laughing). - A jealous Nancy. - No, I think that's a really good point where, you know, she's saying like, she's been horrible to me. She's been horrible to me. And it's like, well you've only been dating this guy. for a year, right, and you're probably interacting. with this woman's kids. Like, there's gonna be some like, friction there.

- It's also tough that, this is anecdotal, but like in Reddit stories. and in real life, some of the biggest Asshole. I've ever known claim everyone around them is an Asshole. - Yeah. Yeah. - And I'm like, that's always the problem, is that they go, well, everybody sucks. It's like, you suck. - And she like that she has the information. that her boyfriend was cheated on by this woman. - So Yeah. Do you think she's really going in with like, the nicest attitudes to this other woman?

Yeah. Probably not. And how soon is she going to Photoshop herself. into those photos. - Right. And she picks one kid she likes better. and makes them a little taller. Like, where does it stop? - No, but Emily pointed out, and this is so true, this is probably the biggest reason. she's an Asshole in this situation, is this is a place. where his children definitely are at. - Yeah. - And they see these photos too, and they're gonna see their mom removed from them. - Yeah.

- That is horrible for them to see. - Like that is, I would say that's borderline traumatic. probably for a kid to just be like, oh, so our mom is removed from all these photos with us in it. Like, it's true. That's a horrifying sight. - When you get someone that like could be a stepparent. It's like, no, I'm not trying to replace your mother. (group laughing). Yeah. Then what's that? What's going on? Our mom's gone. - She never existed. She never existed. - Yeah, that'd be terrifying as a kid. - Take a new photo with the group of them and hang it up. - Exactly. - And have a new fun thing. There's so many better avenues.

- Yeah. - The verdict is, she's the Asshole. - Okay. What? - Yeah. Someone said, you're the Asshole. Imagine if the kids go over to visit. and they see the pictures without their mom. I get that she was mean to you or whatever, but what you did was immature. 2000 upvotes. That's the key point here. Someone said, you're the Asshole. She's the mother of his children. whether you accepted or not. Photoshopping her out is psycho. Someone said to that, honestly, it would've been even better if she photoshopped. the wife out and photoshopped herself in instead. LMAO.

Like, if you're gonna be crazy, you gotta really commit. - Right. You're right. - There's no half measures in being crazy. - Yeah. I'm like, do it well. - Don't go on Fiverr. Go on flipping Tenderr and do it right. - Yeah. Yeah. That's like pickpocketing someone and getting five feet away. and being like, uhoh, did you notice. (group laughing). - I photoshopped your wife outta this picture. - Holy crap. You did that so fast. - She could have at least scratched Xs. over her eyes, you know? - Yeah. - Yeah. Been scary about it.

- Put out the face and put it up to her face and going, grr. Go full crazy. - Yeah. You can always tell when we filmed it, try not to laugh. before a Reddit stories. - Yeah. Yeah. - Make a people suit outta the ex-wife. Wear it. Run around, do crime. - Alright, our next story. - Oh boy. - I have been told to buckle up by our producers. - That's not what she said. - She inverted. (group laughing). - Okay. Our next story was posted on, Am I the Asshole,

Am I the Devil, and Am I the Ex? The unholy trinity? - Ooh. - Ooh. - You know it's gonna be bad when it's, Am I the Devil? - Yeah. The assholey trinity. - Nice. - Nice. - My character from The Matrix. - Yeah. - This was posted in about summer of 2023. - A good year. - Yeah. Am I the Asshole for making a joke about my wife. in my speech at our wedding? - Oh yeah, probably.

Only if you slam the cake in her face right after. - Oh, I love this slag over here. Am I right? - This jealous Nancy? - Yeah. - This is gonna be so bad. - Okay, let's get into this wild ride. Hi everyone. I'm writing this on here because my new wife has been upset. with me since our wedding, which took place last week. She has even threatened divorce on me. Many people in my personal life don't think. that I was in the wrong while others are. taking my wife's side.

So I need some unbiased perspective. This is a throwaway for obvious reasons. So over the four years that we have been together, my wife then girlfriend has been pretty. active with our intimacy. So much so that our friends. and even my parents have talked/joked about it. This is well known in our inner circles, and we have many jokes around this topic, many of which my wife herself thought were funny. and joked about with our friends as well. One of the nicknames my wife received... - Oh, here we go.

- Oh, I need a second. - Slutty Nancy. - Hoover. - There is nothing that's gonna prepare you for this. - Okay. Oh, wait, hold on. Oh, wait, hold on. Lemme try. - I want you to guess what-. - Big hole. - One of the nicknames my wife received, guess. Throw out. Throw out a couple guesses. - It's gonna be like the something, something. It's gotta have-. - Oh, the vacuum cleaner. - Yeah. That's why I said Hoover. - Balltosser. Big old cave. - You guys think you're being funny, but just wait.

- Okay. All right. Throw it at us, Shane. - You get nine more guesses. - I'm so ready. - One of the nicknames my wife received. around this topic was that she was a (beep) dumpster. - I didn't want to say it, but I was, I was gonna, but I didn't want to say it. Okay. - Okay. We all thought it was hilarious. and fitting for her, given the circumstances. - Given what circumstances. - What circumstances? - Well, she's all full of... (group laughing).

- Alright. Okay. Let's flash forward to the wedding. Well, during-. - Flash forward, I mean, I feel like we need more context. - Well, during the wedding reception, many people were giving speeches. and towards the end I wanted to say a few words. - Don't. - Oh, no. - I thanked everyone for being there. Everything was beautiful, yada, yada. And then I wanted to talk about my new life with my wife. and I decided to throw in a joke towards the end.

I said something like, I am so honored. and excited to be spending the rest of my life. with my beautiful (beep) dumpster. I love you, honey. - All right. Bye guys. - Bye. - Is it good today? - I can't. - No way. - No one's ever said that. - No, 'cause there was a video, there was a video. where this guy basically says that, but in like a long speech where he's like, I can't wait.

to (beep) in your (beep) for 5 million more years. - No, people, weddings do something to people. - I feel like one also, that's where I need. to pull out the phone and show it to Damien. - We're also far into a reception. and people get drunk. People get very drunk. Like that is, it's wild. And people just say stuff. - Yes. - I can't believe what people say sometimes. - Like I know there's a thing. where it's like my 103 year old grandma was in the audience.

Like there's no way that was-. - I also think you have a dude. who thinks he's being funny. And that bad stuff happens. - That's why you can't let every dude. who thinks he's the funniest one at your office. think he's that forever. You can't, this place is different. This is a funny office of funny people. I'm talking about in general. He's like, that's Brad. He always says he's like, and that's crazy. Like, no. - And you guys always tell me when my jokes aren't funny. - Yeah. - But I think also most of the time,

but I think also like a lot of times, like guys misinterpret, like when somebody, like, when like women laugh at their jokes. Like sometimes it's more out of like being uncomfortable. - Right. - And maybe not like, that's actually funny. So maybe he like in drinking with like a small group. of friends is like, my wife's a (beep), and everyone's like, ha ha ha. - Yeah. I need to know what context this was said.

Because he's saying amongst friends. I'm like, alright, cool. You're in front of both of your families now. - Yes. - There's probably kids. There's definitely people who just. have never heard that before. - There's probably a minister, I feel. - There's definitely your wife. - Yeah. Well, yeah, that's a big one. - Your wife is for sure there. - I mean, look, people can be funny. Whatever. My take, at least from the vibes, the weddings. that I've been at, it's like the bride. and groom are kind of there to like be the genuine one. Like let other people be funny. - Yeah. - And say funny memories.

But like, you don't have to hit with a joke. Especially if you've had a couple drinks. That joke you think is funny, pull it back. I've learned that over the years. Like when, when I'm out and if you've drank at all-. - Yeah. - And you're, especially if you're giving a speech, it's just like, Hey, just don't, don't worry about taking that risk. - Nah, if I ever get a wedding, I'm going whole hog. (group laughing). I'm going, I'm going, I'm going all in. - Oh God. Okay. So he goes, let me restate, let me-.

- Yeah, 'cause I think we just-. - Let's wind it back. Let's wind it back so we can here this again. - Okay. - I said something like, I am so honored. and excited to be spending the rest of my life. with my beautiful (beep) dumpster. I love you honey. - I just got chills. That's awful. - The entire room roared with laughter. All the groomsmen were laughing. and a few of the bridesmaids were as well. My wife, however, did not look happy. and pretty much avoided me for the rest of the reception. - Ooh. - When we got back, my wife yelled at me about.

how I completely embarrassed her at the wedding. with my joke. I told her that it really wasn't a big deal since many. of the guests were well aware of the joke. and won't think anything of it. The next morning I got a call from my mother-in-law. screaming at me about how I humiliated her daughter. I tried reasoning with her, but it was no use. I have been texting the other groomsmen. and the bridesmaids as well. and they think that my wife was just overreacting. A few guests that I am close with feel the same way. However, one of the other bridesmaids called me as well. and called me a (beep) and an Asshole.

I feel conflicted because I was just trying to joke. around in my speech. So am I the Asshole for making a joke. during my wedding speech? - Yeah. - I would love to be a fly on the wall for that phone call. he had with the mother-in-law being like, no, no, but you don't, you don't understand like, your daughter kind of is, so like really like using facts. and logic, it was actually like a good joke. - Like it's a genre of dude that like, when offending everyone saying like, it was just a joke. What do you mean it was just a joke?

I tried to reason with them, 'cause they're overreacting. It's like how many people have to tell you. that you affected them before you believe it. - Yeah. We gotta we gotta ban the, It was just a joke thing. - Yeah. - Like we gotta move past that. - I think it was a joke, and then calls it like I sees it guy. - Yeah. - Those have to both go. - I don't love the, I said something like, as if he doesn't fully remember what he said followed. by and everybody laughed. - Yeah. - Everybody was laughing. I was like, were they, I don't fully trust you right now.

- Yeah. - Again, if I heard that at a wedding, I would laugh but it would be like a ha ha - [Host], (beep) did he really say that? Like, yeah, you're right. I don't think that's like a good thing to say in front. of family. - Right. - I don't know. Maybe that's a crazy take. - Yeah. - I thought you were woke. - Verdict. Yeah, Asshole. - Sure. - Very clearly. - Yeah. - So there's a TikTok that was circling around. of a groom who said,

only two things are required to keep me happy. Keep my belly full and my balls empty. - Yeah. - [Speaker] Those were his vows. - Yeah. - Those were in his vows. - His vows. His vows in front of the ordained minister. or whoever. Well, an ordained minister. Yeah. No, I watched that video and he goes on. It's not just those lines. He goes on and then like the wife had to like jump in. on the TikTok and be like, no, actually I was okay with this and it's actually fine.

And it's just like, all right brother. - I'm sad. - Alright. Comments. - I got to the nickname and thought, oh no he did. He really, really did. What a dumbass. Someone said, you're the Asshole. Forget even Reddit's judgment. Your wife thinks you're the Asshole. Why would some internet stranger's opinion matter? Have you even apologized? Someone else said to that: That's the thing. I really hope this isn't real. Lastly, someone said, you're the Asshole. A normal joke does not always translate. to a wedding friendly joke.

That is the first thing I have to say. Second of all, does your wife even like being called that? You reduced her to nothing more than something. for you to (beep) in at the wedding? Heck yeah, I would be going through. with the divorce if I were your wife. You didn't even refer to her as a person, but as a thing. Yeah. - You've lost words. - That's one of those where I'm just like... - Yeah, I don't know how you talk to someone like this.

I'm like, we're so, it's not the same language. I don't know how to explain to you. that you calling your wife that. is not a good idea at a wedding. - It's one of those moments, like if you watch that. in the office, you'd be cringing watching it. if it fictional. - Michael Scott would probably do that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - The Michael Scott moment. But like I look, I hope it's fake too, but I also know this shit happens. - I yeah, I can totally believe that. Just because of the other two. - I really can too. Also wedding receptions are dumpster fires. (overlapping chatter).

Normal dumpster fire. - We all know one filled wouldn't catch on fire. - We don't know. We need to ask Hank Green. - Hank gonna be like, well, the human body. has a lot of salt, sodium chloride. - Here's the thing. (overlapping chatter). (overlapping chatter). - We love you hank. - Anything else? - That was it. That's my last one. - No, no, that's not the last story.

That's the end of that story. - Anything else? (beep). - Any other thoughts on that? - Yeah, I think like, I think you should, like, you know how we have like a driver's ed. or you need like a learner's permit, you need the permit to drive. - Yeah. - I think we should probably need permits. for making jokes. - Right. - Because I think, I think some people, they just completely misread the situation. They're telling jokes. - Yeah. - That are just like, things that are just like, mean or offensive and they're like, well,

why can't you just take a joke? - Okay, because this is actually one of the realms. where I think we have a little bit of expertise. Right. Okay. Because there's so many realms where I'm like, I'm not an expert at this. But when it comes to roasting people, I've said this before. and I think we did a really good job with a lot. of our funerals with this is is when you're roasting someone. or when you're saying a joke right at a wedding reception. and you like, I wanna infuse some humor in it. I think your intention should be the person. who is the target of your joke, that they are going to love it, and that they're gonna laugh, but more importantly.

that it's gonna make them feel good. - Mm sure. - Right. Like especially a wedding reception. Like the joke should be a joke. as actually the second part of it. - Yeah. - The ultimate thing should be that it's a compliment. - Especially your wife. - Especially your wife. It should be some funny way. of saying how amazing they are. But that's not what you were doing. - Also, they did say that like, oh, I wanted to jump in. for a couple words after everyone else gave their speeches. So not only is he like putting down his wife in this crazy. way, but he is also centering himself in attention.

Like he did not need more attention. And then he is just like, you know what this needs, a joke from me, an awesome jokes that everyone. is laughing at with me at her and then I win. Like it's, yeah. - It's so funny. The last thing I'll say is like, it's one. of those moments in life that it's a tense moment. It's probably nerve wracking. and makes people like wanna say something. that'll get a laugh, that'll get a response. It's like, but it's also one. of those easy slam dunk moments. - Yeah.

- 'Cause like I've had, I had a moment like. that in one of our celebrations of our wedding. where I was like, it was like my whole family there. And I was like, I don't say I love you all. I'm like, that's it. I'm like, oh. And we got it. And we're done. Like, that's all we need. I don't need to say a joke. And it's like that's all you gotta do man. But you turned it into a dumpster fire. - But not that kind of dumpster. - But not that kind of dumpster... Not that kind of dumpster. - Am I the Asshole for not knowing all seven episodes. of We Are All Gonna Die are now available. to stream in my own home.

And they even extended the VOD's availability. until January 31st, 2026. Yes, OP, you are. I don't even need to read the rest of this. I don't even care. Now watch this sick trailer. our editor put together. - We're gonna start pulling some blocks. - [Announcer] Let's see what you got. (audience cheering and applauding). (people chattering indistinctly). (audience laughing). - (indistinct) sucks out his soul. (chanting). (group cheering).

(group cheering). (group cheering). (audience cheering and applauding). - Go to live.smosh.com. Live.smosh.com. Live.smosh.com. Live.smash.com. Live.smosh.com. Live.smosh.com. Back to the show. Our final story.

- Ooh. - Okay. This came from earlier this year, 2025 March. My ex constantly locked me out of the bathroom. So I took matters into my own hands. - Okay. - This comes from Petty Revenge. - Oh. - Ooh. - I was with my ex for a while. It was an unhappy relationship. I had bladder control issues and IBS. Whenever I needed to go to the bathroom, they would run in first. and take their sweet time just to irritate me.

and make me suffer. - That's abuse. - Oh God. - I went on for a long time. and one day I just about had it. We had two cats and two litter boxes. One day he went running to the bathroom. and was just playing on his phone and plucking his face hair. and refused to let me go. So I decided I would just go poop in the cat's litter box. Not only was it a big poop, but I also peed a little. The cats literally wouldn't use that litter box after. And then my ex came and was investigating it and saw. and he goes, wow, they pooped a lot.

No wonder they want their box cleaned. And I just sat there and watched him clean up. my shit and piss. (person laughing). That was near the end of our relationship. and he never found out. Edit, my ex and I were together for four years. and he was a gamer and pothead. When he would run to the bathroom, he would take his phone or Nintendo switch in with him. Oh, so he was just like a sadist, like just loved-. - Yeah. That's actually super abusive. - Yeah. What the (beep)? - Yeah. I don't understand like what-. - He was torturing her. - Yeah, it's just like a control-. - Oh you gotta use the bathroom?

I'm gonna hop in there and just not use the bathroom. - Ha ha. Like I will say bringing in a Nintendo Switch. or a phone with a game on it to the toilet is great, but you gotta be careful about things like hernias, hemorrhoids, stuff like that. You can't sit too long. And you want to, 'cause you're playing the Switch. and your pants can be off and it doesn't matter. You can just let everything go. 'cause you're in the bathroom. - Right. - Especially if I'm playing Hades 2. and it gets really intense. - Dude, I hear you. (group laughing).

- Yeah. This is horrendous. I think I've heard about this type of stuff. with boyfriends in particular of like, ha-ha, I'm like teasing my girlfriend. It's like, nah, this is abuse. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You've teetered into another realm here. Like, oh, I'm playing this funny joke on my girlfriend. It's like, nah, you're being really horrible. - What's the joke? - Yeah. What's the bit here? - Her bladder explodes like Tycho Brahe. - Oh nice. - I love a good Tycho Brahe. - Hey, thanks man. Appreciate you. - The only thing I wanna see here is the cat's expression,

'cause you know they were watching. The cats were like... (group laughing). - From then on, do you see them like, stand up, put their hands on the wall and then let go. They're like, this is how you do it now. That's how we-. - Holy crap. Someone said somewhere: Those cats are still telling the tale of the day. the giant marked our territory. Probably why they won't use that box anymore. You asserted dominance in the most primal way possible. Someone said, I worked at a place where one. of the coworkers nicknames was Cat Box Bob.

- Oh. - Bob and his wife got a new kitten. and Bob thought it would be hilarious. to take a huge dump in the cat box. His thought was that his wife would be worried/confused. if the kitten had to poop the size of itself. - That's awesome. - At some point, I guess Bob would laugh. and confess what really went down. Literally. So Bob takes off his drawers-. - Litter-ally? - Yeah, dude. Nice. - So Bob takes off his drawers, gets into position, hovering over the litter box. and starts to materialize his plan. His wife happened to open up the door.

where Bob was mid-poop and freaked out. The joke was on him when he got caught. - Good. Oh, that's awesome. - Yeah, also like getting caught versus like, Hey, remember a week ago, oh, I shit in the litter box. - Like that is not a better own. - Did you notice it? Like you don't do that. - Someone said you couldn't make it to his car. - Nice, nice. - Nice, nice. - Someone said, what is it with abusers and the toilet? My ex dad did that to me as a kid a lot,

talking to others in this group, et cetera. It seems to be really common with bad dads and bad husbands. - Mm. Weird. - Someone said this is a little more than petty revenge, but well played nonetheless. - Yeah. - Yeah. Wow. - Whoa. - That's wild. I guess that's, other people are like, have experienced that. - What do you think is like, where do you draw the line at like silly cruel things. you do to partner? Like would you fart on a partner? - No. - Okay. - I think it's like-.

- Like you wouldn't just be like bop-bop? Like you've never done that. Like you never... (overlapping chatter). - Once again, if it makes them laugh. - That's what it is. - And you know that it makes them laugh, then it's fine. If two people, it's kind a Schrodinger's box situation, where if there's two people-. (overlapping chatter). And there's two people are, they're just the two of them. and one person does something to the person. that just makes them upset. It's not a joke. It's just you are just making that person upset. - Right. - Farting can be really funny,

but you have to be on the same page about it. And it's like a roast. Is it going to make them laugh? Is it gonna make you both laugh? Great. - Yeah. - And I think Ian, when you fart on somebody. and they laugh with you, I think you found. someone very special. - You know what, Damien, you're right, and I hope I find that person. - A gross little goblin. - 'Cause none of them have liked it so far. - Oh, keep scaring 'em away. - But yeah, that's really, yeah-. - I can, I pitch a different vibe for that. - Okay. - Don't like fart on them. Make it like a big moment. Like, if I can stand up here, like literally like walk away.

and be like, oh yeah, I forgot to say, hi-ya. (group laughing). And then like, just like walk away, like do something weird. - Okay. - It's a good little twist and no one has to be mad. - Okay. Thank you. Thank you for that advice. - Yeah. I think you need to work your way up. to what you want to do. - Okay. Well-. - You can start with that. - You gotta stretch first. - Okay. - Stretch. Your ass will fall clean off if you don't. - Okay. - Yeah. But yeah, you got it. - Okay. - Okay. Well guys-. - This is where we're leaving it.

This is the cap of the video, I talk about farting. on people that I've dated. Alright. I don't fart-. - What else else would you like to talk about? - I just wanna be clear, I have not farted on all of the people that I've dated. I just, I wanna make that clear. Not every single person that I've dated, I've farted on. Now I'm just, no. Oh no. (group laughing). Oh no. - See this is where you're at. - See, like, this is all joke guys. I have never farted.

I've never farted on any of my partners before. (group laughing). No, I know. That doesn't sound, that doesn't sound very believable, does it? Oh no. Oh God. But I've never done it. - Okay. - I've never-. - Ian... - It's never happened. - Okay. We trust you. - It's never, it's never happened. - We trust you. We trust you. It's okay. - You know what's another fun one. Farting really loud, but then looking. at the person scared immediately.

(group laughing). You heard that too? - Yeah. - It's a good one. (group laughing). - But only if they also want that. - Yeah. Okay. - Okay. - Hey everyone, go home and fart on your partner. - Do you like-. - You don't have to do that. - Pokemon sweater. - Don't do it. - Not in their face, 'cause that'll give 'em pink eye. - Speaking of farts, Ghastly. - Ghastly.

- And then there's phantom on the back, which is sort. of like a two part fart that you sound like. - I can't believe this is how we're ending it. - We have no choice. - [Emily] What about your erotic novel? - Every comment-. - Oh, that's your erotic novel. the guy who farts on people. (overlapping chatter). - Alright. Alright. (group laughing). - All right. - I think there's, yeah. - Okay. - I think there's some legs to that story.

- These have been some exs. They have really been some exs. - Yeah. - Thank you both for joining me. and thank you for watching. Let us know down below. I don't know, comment whatever you want. - What's your erotic novel? - Yeah. What kind of erotic novel should Ian write? - Oh yeah. - Let us know in the comments. - I like that. - What type of things should be involved in Ian's novel. - Yeah. - That he'll get started on very soon. And also, let us know what other subreddits.

and themes you'd like to see on this show. And we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye. - [Both] Goodbye.