Don't Ignore These Red Flags | Reading Reddit Stories

- Welcome to "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories". I'm Shayne. And today's theme... Red flags! And I'm joined by two people who are absolute red flags, Courtney and Trevor. (Courtney gasps). - I agree. (everyone laughs). - Well, actually that honesty, green flag. - Green flag, red flag. But we're honest about it. That's good. Hi, Shayne. - Hi. - Hey, Shayne. - [Shayne] How's it going? - Good morning! - It's awesome. - Saturday morning. - It's a morning. This is our first video up today filming.

I don't know if you guys can ever tell the vibes. Depending on if we're filming at 8:00 AM or 6:00 PM, I feel like you get a different flavor. - You do. I still stand by the statement when I hear, "Get your pancakes out,". I think you're talking about my flat ass. Get your pancakes out. Get your flat ass out. It's Saturday morning. That's how it sounds. (everyone laughs). That's how it sounds to me. Get your pancakes out. - That's what I've always meant. - That's what it sounds like. - All right, so I have heard. that these stories are gonna have a lot of red flags. Green flags might be a little more rare. But we have the flags there if we ever so choose.

Feel free to raise them whenever you want. - Yeah. - [Shayne] Throughout the stories. - Whenever I want? Shut up. - [Shayne] Yeah, man. - I don't have to wait to be called upon? - Free rein. - To be called upon. - This is awesome. - I've been called upon to raise my flag. - So much power. ♪ Raise your fla-ya-yags ♪. (Trevor laughs). - Do you think you both are good at catching red flags. at this point in your life? - Yeah? - [Shayne] Okay. - I think so. - I think it's a red flag of mine. that I like sniff out red flags, and I'm like, "Red flag! Red flag! "Everybody, look! Red flag!".

And I like need to chill. Some people are human. and not a red flag is always a end all be all. - I think I used to be a lot worse at it. I think actually, worst of all, there was a time in my life. when I would see red flags and then choose to ignore them, or choose to, and I'm talking about in my personal life. - [Trevor] Yeah. - And that's kind what I'm regarding here. is just like in your own personal relationships and stuff. of just not recognizing it. But I think we've all gone through that. And that you kind of have to...

You have to deal with a bunch of red flags. to get to a place in your life. where you're good at seeing 'em. - Yeah. - Yeah. I think it's good to always, like, if you wanna be one who notices red flags really well, but also being able to notice the green flags too. - [Shayne] That's true. - I think I lean on the side of trying. to see the best in people. So I think I'm better at seeing green flags. But definitely, yeah, I've gotten better at seeing red flags. - Good. - That is a skill that isn't talked about. is like the ability to recognize green flags as well.

It's huge. - And appreciate them. - [Shayne] Yeah. - Yeah, thanks, everyone. I'm a pretty good person. - Hey. Way to go. - Thanks. - Let's get to this first story here. - Let's go! - Yes! Sorry. (everyone laughs). I'm really excited. I'm really excited. - It's time! - Green flag anyone? (everyone laughs). - This comes from Am I The Asshole. "My boyfriend refuses to buy me female products, pads, "and now I'm upset.". (everyone laughs). - Dude, that shit's gross.

(everyone laughs). - Way to go, dude. - Oh my god. Okay, let's go. - "I'll make it short and sweet. "Me, 25-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, 28-year-old man, "have been dating for over three years. "Yesterday we had a conversation through text. "about him going to the supermarket to get pasta. "because we were having people over and I was going to cook. "Mind you, he gets out of work before me. "and the supermarket is three minutes away from home. "Everything was fine until I got my period. "right after I was about to leave my job and go home. "I texted him to please grab some pads for me. "And his answer was, 'I'm not doing that.'.

"Then I said, 'I'm going home. "'They're on the personal hygiene aisle. "'I need them.'. "His answer was, 'So go get them?'. "And I replied, 'Aren't you going to the store?'. "He said, 'Yeah.'. "So I replied, 'I'm telling you to please get it for me.'. "And his answer was, 'I said, I'm not doing that, "'but you keep asking.'. "And I ended the conversation by saying, 'Okay, thanks.'. "Then he said that we shouldn't have people over tonight, "which made me more upset. "I ended up getting them myself while having pain. "and a bunch of toilet paper wrapped around my panties.

"to not make a mess. "I always say, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. "If he feels uncomfortable, he could have said, "'I'm sorry, but that makes me uncomfortable, "'so I won't be able to,'. "and I could see it with a different perspective. "However, he is 28, and I think it's a very immature thing. "to be embarrassed about. "And before you ask, this was my second time asking him. "The first time he got it for me no problem, "but we were living at his mom's house, "which she used to do everything for him, "so at this point, I think she was the one who got it.".

- Oh boy. - Dude, what? Do I need to... Oh yeah, I'll raise the flag. - I was gonna go, "Red flags and red pads,". but that's gross, I'm sorry. - I've never understood why guys are like embarrassed. by the notion of buying pads. 'Cause my takeaway is if a guy at a supermarket. is buying pads, what people are gonna think is, "Oh, you have a girlfriend or a wife," or something, - Or a sister or a friend, and you're so nice for doing that for somebody. - I'm like, what do you think people,

I just don't know what they think people are gonna think. Right? Like, what's the inference they're expecting? - Caring more about what a cashier at a grocery store thinks. than the wellbeing and like comfort of your partner. is kind of crazy, you know? - And you know that cashiers are seeing crazy shit all day. They don't care. They truly don't care. - Yeah, I think it's very nice that OP was like, "If he had just said he was uncomfortable, "like I would've accepted that.". I still would've been like,

you should still clock that red flag for later. Like, I get if it's a boyfriend's or guy's. or anyone's first time buying period products. for somebody being like, "I've never done it before. "I'm nervous. "Can you, like... "I don't know if I can. "I'm nervous I'll get the wrong one," or whatever. - [Shayne] Sure. - But it just doesn't sound like that's where he's at. And then the fact that he also was like, "Actually we shouldn't have people over.". - [Trevor] Yeah. - Because we basically have a wild lion in the house now. because she's on her period and she's mad at me. Like... - Guy like me, I go to the store and go into the,

you know, tampon, pad aisle. even when my partner doesn't need 'em. - Just peruse? - Yeah, I just study. Keep up on the tech. - Take a look at 'em. - Yeah, take a look. - There is new tech all the time. - I just wanna make sure I know about 'em. - There's been some upgrades I saw at the supermarket. - Yeah. Whoa, the Diva Cup model 10 looks really sleek. - Yeah. That's just me though. - Fun fact. If you're ever nervous about buying something. at the grocery store about people judging you, you buy a birthday card with it, or like it's like a prank or something. Like, if you're nervous about buying a vibrator,

you're nervous about buying condoms or like enemas, you buy a birthday card with it. Be like, "It's just a silly little gift.". - You can buy enemas at the store? - At the pharmacy, yeah, there's enemas there. - I don't know why, I kind of started watching "Grey's Anatomy" recently, so I don't know why that just seemed like a serious, like medical procedure. - Yeah, no, it's easier to buy an enema than birth control. - Wow. I'm gonna go get one. - Go get one. - [Shayne] Just for fun. - Yeah. - Just for fun. - The first time I bought condoms,

I remember being so embarrassed and so nervous. and just being like, "Oh my god, this is crazy.". And I of course go to the cashier. and I just have the condoms there. and I probably bought some other things just to like, and just, you know, other stuff. But they of course like some sort of like, not an error, but something where they had to then ask. for assistance from someone. So they literally were like, they literally held up the box. They're like, "Hey, what's the deal with this thing?". Or like, "Can I get a ring up on this?". And just there, just holding it up for the world to see.

- This man is going to bang. - I had probably the funniest condom story I'll ever have. over this most recent Christmas break. I was home in Idaho and at the gas station getting snacks, so I got like a Twix, Diet Coke, and I was there with Raven, and I was like, "Okay, let's like get some condoms.". And went up to the register. and the person behind the register was like, "Are you Trevor from Mythical Kitchen?". - Oh! That's different! - I was like, "Yeah, dog. That's me.".

- Oh! - I was like, "Can I just, "yeah, I'll take my tropical Skittles and condoms in a bag. "Sure, yeah. Give me the bag.". - Oh my god. - Yeah, pretty brutal. Pretty brutal. - That hits different for sure. - Our fans don't know that any of us have sex. (Trevor laughs). They don't know that. - They think we were test tube babies. - That's gonna be shocking for them. - Oh boy. - Some comments on this. "If a dude cannot fathom the full extent of what happens. "in a vagina without being an idiot about it,

"he has no business entering one. "Not the asshole. "Find a boyfriend who respects women.". - Oh. - That comment, green flag. - [Shayne] Yeah. - [Courtney] Bada bing, bada boom. - Someone else said, "Someone who's not adult enough to buy something. "as trivial as pads or tampons isn't adult enough. "to be in a relationship.". Someone else said, "Your boyfriend sucks. "It doesn't happen often, "but now and then my wife needs me to pick up pads. "or tampons when I'm out. "Like any reasonable guy, I do it.". Yeah, it's one of those things where, you know, Reddit often jumps to like, "Get a new boyfriend, break up with them.".

But I have a hard time believing. that this is an isolated thing. - [Courtney] Right. - This is probably... A lot of his behavior is probably reflected in this. And it is also something of like, do you wanna live with that forever? - [Trevor] Yeah. - A person who's not willing to do something for you. as simple as this. - [Courtney] Yeah. - I'm sure that's gonna be the case for bigger things. - There are gonna be bigger asks. - Exactly. - And it's just like he's just not on your side. - Yeah, like when they, if they eventually get married. and wanna have kids,

like is she gonna be in this pregnancy alone. if that's the plan? Like, it's microcosms of things down the road for sure. - Yeah. Today's episode of "Reddit Stories". is brought to you by Zocdoc. Have you ever tried to see a therapist. who only takes appointments in the middle of your workday. or driven over an hour to see that one specialist. who's covered under your insurance? You shouldn't have to settle when it comes to healthcare. And with Zocdoc, you don't have to. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search. and compare high quality in-network doctors. and click to instantly book an appointment.

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to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's zocdoc.com/pitreddit. Zocdoc.com/pitreddit. (bright music). Back to the show. Update. (Courtney gasps and sputters). - Update. He died. - When Shayne says update. (Shayne laughs). - I think we're about to get a lot more info on this guy. - That's exciting. - Yeah, have the red flags ready. - [Courtney] Okay. - "We had a conversation last night, very long one,

"and I said everything I needed to say, "including reading those text messages out loud to him. "And he was in any way defensive. "He called himself an asshole. "and recognized that what he said was really (beep) up. "Here is a breakdown of his answers. "His vapes and his vape ran out, "so he did warn me in the morning about nicotine withdrawal, "so he said he was dealing with that all day. "and it made him irritated.". (Trevor laughs). - Oh my god. Your vape hormones are off?

I'm so sorry, sir. - Yeah, as someone who quit vaping. and had nicotine withdrawal, that's not an excuse. (everyone laughs). - "He said the supermarket he went to. "was a small Italian supermarket. "and they didn't have personal hygiene products. "He said his mother never talked to him about this stuff. "He had a past relationship, but it was a short one, "and he said that he was never asked to get this before. "He said, 'I didn't know it was an emergency, "'otherwise I would've gotten it for you.

"'with no hesitation.'. "He also admitted that it is not that he's embarrassed, "he just feels social anxiety. "Then I explained that there's a self checkout. "He said the last time I asked him to get me pads, "he was at BJ's and even though it was his first time, "I sent him pictures of what I needed, he felt anxious, "but since I said it was an emergency, he got it anyways.". - Girly pop. - Okay, man. I think, you know, he called himself an asshole. He should have just been like, "Okay, I'm sorry. "Next time I'll get 'em.".

That's where that can end. - Yeah. - I'm not a fan of when it's like, "Ooh, you know how I get this way, and I'm so sorry, "and I was just embarrassed and I would've done it anyway.". Like, it's not helpful. And like, I just feel. like it shouldn't have to take all of this, you know? And she shouldn't have to say it's an emergency. And like, he literally said, like, it's so funny that he is like, "Well, my emotions were gonna be outta whack today. "just so you know.". Like, allowing himself the space to ask for that. and then not allowing her to ask a favor and like,

it was just a lot of poor communication. where like he could've said like, "Oh, the market I'm planning to go to. "won't have that there.". - [Shayne] Right. - And it's just silly, silly, silly. - I think this is one of those situations where he's 28, she needs to expect him to be this way forever. - He's 28? - Yeah, he's 28. - Oh my god, I missed that or I forgot that. That's... - He's 28. - That's tough, man. - And going, "I've never been asked this before. "My mom never told me about this.".

It's like, okay, buddy, you own a phone, Google things. - It's also, I don't need to know about this stuff. If you tell me to buy something, I'll be like, "Yeah, I can go buy that.". - It's not that scary to ask questions too. If you're like, "What kind?". Like, just be honest. It's your partner. Like, if you guys have been together for, was it three years? Like, you can be like, "Hey, okay, I'm nervous. "I don't wanna get the wrong ones. "What is this? "I'm anxious like about buying it.". Like, you can be honest. It's not that scary. - I feel like all you need to do is just be like,

"Hey, send me a picture of the specific brand. "Send me a picture of the box and I'll get that box.". - [Trevor] Yeah. - [Courtney] Get the box. - Nobody cares. - There's more embarrassing things to be asked to buy. Like, can you imagine if you're a significant other. asked you to like buy Smosh merch or something? - That would suck. - Dude. Be like, "No, I can't.". - I'm just thinking about like one day he's gonna be sick. or have like diarrhea or something or whatever, and he's gonna be like, "Can you go to the market and get me some stuff?". She could be like, "Ah! I've never been asked to do this before!". (everyone laughs). - There was an edit apparently in this.

where she admits that there was one time. where he had an emergency and she had to wipe his ass. - Dude. Oh my god. - Yeah, my red flag is raised here. No, if someone wipes your ass, I think you owe them to buy them-. - Like, wiping ass. People eat ass, bro. Buy something that's gonna be near her ass. (Shayne laughs). Oh my god. - I think at that stage she needs to reflect.

on the give and take of this relationship because-. - Yeah. - She is doing a lot for him. Hold on. Here it is. Here's the words. "I would like to add an anecdote. "Two and a half years ago, "he had a horrible accident while skiing, "fractured his right leg and dislocated his left shoulder, "so he couldn't move at all or shower and even pee or poop. "Guess who helped him with all that? Me.". (Courtney yells). So that was six months in-. - [Courtney] Oh my god. - That she was doing all that for him. And now after all of that, he won't even go buy her pads.

I don't know, man. That's tough. - And another where he cares more about a cashier. viewing him buying period products. than having someone, his partner or his mom or mommy, whoever does everything for him literally wiping his ass. - No, you don't have to worry about the cashier judging you. The cashier's thinking. about how much they wish they could have a chair. - Yeah. (Trevor laughs). Or just like a higher salary.

- Tell me I'm wrong. (laughs). Every cashier in America's like, "I just wish I could (beep) sit down. "Some bullshit.". (everyone laughs). - Let cashiers sit! And let injured men shit. - Their pants. - Their pants and wipe themselves. - It's so funny too 'cause it's, maybe this is, I don't think this is (beep) up to say, but it's one of those situations where male insecurity, they do this thing where I'm like, be a man and buy 'em. Like, what the hell? You look like a baby because you can't do this.

- And I also think it's like, this is a ticket, like a ticket to ride. and look like a great person for five minutes. - Yeah. - I'm sure this story isn't that old. It's just like, I thought this is like a meme at this point. If you're willing to go to the grocery store. and get your partner period products, you look amazing. You look like a lovely man, lovely guy. - The bar is so low. The bar is so low. - I'm very curious. Like, I'd love to sit down with a guy who says that.

and ask them specifically like, you're embarrassed. What do you think is going through people's minds? What do you think they're thinking? - I think it's one of those unfortunate things. where it's just an idea. that I think some guys don't fully think through. They just go, "Oh, I'm embarrassed.". And they don't touch it, they don't graze it, they don't critical think it for an extra moment or two. where it's like, hey, it's actually... It's like when you're talking to a therapist, hope a lot of people listening relate to this. I'm talking to my therapist and I'm like, "I'm just scared this is gonna happen.".

And the therapist goes, "Well, what happens when that happens?". And I go, "Oh, nothing. "That was stupid to be scared of.". It takes five seconds to think about it. - Yeah, I really, unfortunately think it boils down, I wouldn't be shocked if it like boils down to being like, "People are gonna think I'm gay.". Like, that probably is. - That's literally like-. - Okay, man. - Gay men, notorious for buying pads and tampons. - For buying products for women. They love that. It's so dumb. Okay, our next story comes from Best of Redditor Updates.

- Okay! Update! - Holy freak. Holy freaking crap. - Here we go. This a 30-year-old man. "My partner-". (everyone laughs). - Old! - Old! (laughs). - This is a 30-year-old man. "My partner, a 30-year-old man, won't let me sleep. "and I don't know what to do.". - My partner's torturing me psychologically. - Let her sleep! - And I'm so stumped on what to do. - Okay. "First off, I'll say I have sleep issues. "I find it very difficult to get to sleep and stay asleep. "despite taking medication for it. "And when I finally do sleep, I snore.

"I've tried so many times to fix this. "Nose strips, adjusting positions, "spoken to many GPS about it. "Nothing worked. "I can't control it. "My partner has taken to instead of rolling me over, "just losing his patience and kicking doors open, yelling, "screaming, hitting the bed to scare me awake. "This has started a few months ago and was super infrequent, "but has now picked up. "and is happening multiple times a week now. "I'm now having an even harder time getting to sleep. "Bedtime is giving me so much anxiety. "My body is on a hair trigger now.

"I wake up at the slightest noise. "and never fully drift off anymore. "because I'm just expecting to be woken up. "in an extremely aggressive manner. "I feel like I'm at the end of my tether. "How do I get them to listen and just let me sleep? "I mean, it's ridiculous to be scared of going to sleep. "when your partner is home, isn't it? "I don't know what to do anymore. "I can't just up and leave him. "because he's totally dependent on me financially. "And I don't have anywhere I could stay. "We live paycheck to paycheck. "It's not like I can just sleep somewhere else. "and still support us. "He is so angry all the time now.

"And I don't know how much longer I can be around him. "I just wanna be left alone to sleep in peace.". - Oh my god. - Oh my god. - He said she can't break up with him. because he depends on, wait, sorry. Is OP, did I-. - It's two 30-year-old men. - [Courtney] Okay. - So he's saying, "I can't...". Hold on. "I don't know what to do. "I can't just up and leave him. "because he's totally dependent on me financially, "and I don't have anywhere I could stay. "We live paycheck to paycheck.

"It's not like I can just sleep somewhere else. "and still support us.". So it sounds like they're already. in like a kind of a high stress situation. They're stressed financially. And then not being able to sleep is extremely stressful. How their partner is reacting though is super unfair. - [Courtney] Scary. - Not good. They need to talk about this. - I was like joking about the psychological torture, but then I was like, maybe I'm not joking. That's insane. - Yeah, that's terrifying. And like sleep can be, you know...

I cherish sleep a lot. So like I can understand when you really need to sleep. at a specific night or something. and then like it's now being taken from you, it can feel really, like you can feel grouchy. And then when you're not getting good sleep, you're cranky. And that's just not fun. But I don't understand getting up, slamming doors, screaming. and shouting and for that to just be like... Like, I don't understand how this is happening. And then, like, are they talking about it?

What's happening? That sounds like a nightmare. - The red flag to me is that OP is saying. that they've tried everything. Nose strips, adjusting positions, spoken to many GPs about it. Nothing's worked. Like, they're trying. I would understand a little bit more of the frustration. if they're like, "Oh yeah, whatever. "I snore, you gotta deal with it.". But they're not doing that. They're trying everything they can. And it doesn't sound like the partner, of the information we have, the partner wasn't trying anything on their end.

You know, like, I don't know what other solutions there are, but you gotta find solutions instead of this. - Yeah, you just gotta talk. Like, you just gotta talk. Like, if I was in the situation, I'd be like, "Hey, clearly this is not healthy for either of us.". - [Shayne] Yeah. - I know that things are tough right now. Like, this just, I mean, it's weird. 'cause it doesn't really reflect on the dynamic. of their relationship, but it kind of still does. where it's like... I would never be willing to slam doors.

and scream and bang things-. - [Shayne] No. - With you. Like, listen, like you snore, but like... - Can't believe you-. - The truth comes out. (everyone laughs). Red flag. (everyone laughs). - I will say, is this okay to talk about? - Yeah, yeah. - You're a very deep sleeper. And there have been times where the snoring. is a honk shoo roar. - [Trevor] Yeah. - And I will like, sometimes all it takes is like a this.

Or sometimes it's like this, but then sometimes I'm like, "Shayne. "Shayne. "Shayne!". (everyone laughs). "Shayne!". And then I'm like... (everyone laughs). And sometimes I'll try other stuff. Eventually like if I had like cold foot. (everyone laughs). - That's diabolical. - I just can't imagine getting to that point with someone. - [Shayne] Totally.

- That's crazy. It's funny 'cause I am a very, I really struggle with sleeping. It's very hard for me to fall asleep. And Raven, huge snorer. Like, insanely loud crazy snorer. And if she's snoring really loud, it's almost like funny. - Yeah. (laughs). Like, God damn. - It's almost so crazy that I like sit up in bed. and I'm like, I gotta listen to this for a second. 'cause this is insane. Like, that crazy of snoring. Like, I wanna get a snack. It's unreal. - I've been, 'cause like I have family members.

who are snorers when growing up and then also when I visit, and I've found for me, I can sleep through a lot of noise. if it's consistent. - [Courtney] Yeah. Rhythmic. - The problem is when people are snores. who are like all over the place. That's tough 'cause you don't know what to expect. I just don't love how quickly this sounds. like this got to yelling, slamming doors. Like, this person sounds scared. So this behavior that this other person is showing. is extreme.

I do think this is a major red flag to me. - Yeah, this partner was like, "I think I will become the nightmare.". (everyone laughs). It sounds horrible. - I don't like it. If I was friends with OP, I mean, I'd need to know more information, but based on this alone, I think this would be like, hey, this is abusive. This is a problem. - You gotta separate. Yes. That's what it's teetering on. Yeah. - He's just sitting over him in bed while he's sleeping, going, "Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare!" (laughs). - I mean, yeah, 'cause like yelling is just never okay.

- [Courtney] Oof. - Comments. Someone said, "You leave. "This is abuse, plain and simple. "Sleep deprivation is a torture tactic for (beep) sake.". That is true. - Whoa. True. I mean, I don't think they're thinking about that. I think they're just trying to like stop the snoring. and the rhythm of it. But like, you could like go to the freezer, get an ice cube. Get an ice cube or something. I've never done that. But I'm just thinking like there's other ways to like reset, and like it just doesn't feel like they're talking about it. Like, it feels like this happens in the night. as if like there was a werewolf that passed through.

and then the next day it's just like... - I think it's just one of those things though. if I were to talk to OP, I'd be like, hey, like your partner's supposed to be someone. who cares about you and you trust more than anything, and you are on edge and scared of your partner, so are you really even in a relationship right now? - Especially while you're asleep. Like, in the bedroom where you're at your most vulnerable, like you should be able to rest and sleep peacefully. and just- - [Courtney] Yeah. - His sleep paralysis demon's like, "Whoa, man. Like, hey.". - Yeah, your sleep paralysis demon.

- You okay, dude? - [Shayne] Oh my god. - My sleep paralysis therapist. - They're in the ceiling corner just like... - [Shayne] Oh no. - I would say too, it's kind of devastating to hear someone say, "I can't break up with them. "because they depend on me financially.". It's like that's probably like, this person is kind of treating you in a certain way. knowing that you won't leave them. I think I'm definitely assuming a lot of things, but I think people need to... Like, you're an adult, like, and they're an adult too.

Like, you gotta take care of yourself, and they gotta figure it out too, you know? - Someone said, "Have you been evaluated for sleep apnea? "That is often a cause of snoring. "and can be a serious condition.". OP said, "I'm in the process of trying to get my GP. "to assess me for this as I do fit all the criteria. "We're doing the let's check off. "and rule out other options part. "before they'll do anything.". - That's such a grueling process too. - [Shayne] I'm sure. - Like, that's stressful. With the sleep apnea you have to spend the night. in a hospital and they have to like monitor your sleep.

- Update! - Whoa. Best of Reddit Updates update? - [Shayne] Yeah. - The paralysis demon swooped in and saved me. - "I've never made an update to a post before, "so I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. "Please let me know. "I posted well over a year ago now, "closer to two years at this point. "about my sleep snoring issues causing aggression. "from my partner, and some people seemed really concerned. "for me in the comments, so I felt the need to update. "just so people know I'm okay. "So to update, not long after the post, I sat down with him. "and explained how upsetting his behavior was,

"and he changed it. "We aired our grievances, did some reflecting, "and realized it was unsustainable, "so we implemented changes and it worked. "Isn't it wild how communicating can fix problems? "A lot of people wanted me to dump him and leave, "but we have been together for years. "I wanted to give it another try. "to see if we can find a solution. "The first change was sticking strictly. "to separate sleeping areas, "and sleeping separately helped so much. "Seriously we are so much better rested in our own spaces. "and our sleep routines aren't being disrupted. "by each other.

"Also fun sleepovers with no sleeping. Ha ha. "Sleep deprivation was making both of us crazy stressed out. "and we were not handling it well, him in particular. "I've reached out to my GP since. "and I'm currently still on a waiting list for a sleep study. "to confirm sleep apnea, which is not ideal, "but at least there's movement there. "I love the NHS, "but don't love how long these wait lists take in my area. "He also started therapy soon after my post. "and we found out that he's autistic, "which we suspected before but didn't know what to do about. "He got diagnosed and really dove into resources.

"on the topic. "and we both learned so much about how to deal with it. "He's done so much work on recognizing. "and coping with being overstimulated. "Yeah, the loud snoring, "extra distressing for him with his sensory issues. "He didn't understand how to identify. "and redirecting his anger into healthier outlets. "He's now trying to get me to get assessed too. "I'll say something like, 'Where are the scissors? "'The way this thread is hanging off my sleeve. "'and touching my arm makes me wanna peel off my skin.'. "And he'll just hold up a book on autism. "and point at me like, which is fun.".

- Which is fun. (laughs). - "And on our financial situation I mentioned in my post, "it flipped. "He found a job and then I lost mine, "so we're no better off on that front, "but sleeping and as a couple we're doing so much better. "I wanna thank so many commenters on my first post. "for helping me realize it was not healthy. "or okay for either of us. "We're still working on it, "but we're in a much healthier, happier place. "Thank you.". - Okay. - All right, green flag. - That's awesome. - Wow. Yeah. That's like putting in work. And I had a feeling. I was like, I hope that they can find a way.

to sleep separately. That's becoming a lot more common nowadays. in all like types of communities and partnerships. Like, having their own bedrooms, having their own beds, even just like having your own comforter if you share a bed. Just like doing little things like that are super common, and that's really great that like, it sucks that it took this stressful like experience. to help people figure themselves out, but now they both understand each other. and themselves a lot more, so that's cool.

- It's a great ending to that. - That's some green flag stuff. - That's awesome. - Yeah, it's very cool. - It's a feel good one. - I think if I were OP. and I saw my partners doing those things, I would appreciate that things are changing, I think that those screams would echo through my brain. for the rest of my life, unfortunately, I think. - Yeah, and I'm assuming with all their conversations. they've really talked more about that. - [Courtney] It seems like that. - And it's an ongoing process. And this post was made two years after, so maybe there was a lot of of things that happened.

A lot of conversations and therapy. - It seems like they're very emotionally intelligent. in the way that they were like, "Oh, I might have like something going on,". and getting diagnosed with autism. Like, that's really helpful. to understand yourself and stuff, so... - Yeah. - [Courtney] Yeah. - Well, great. - Bing bong, bing bong. - Bing bong. - Our next story comes from Relationship Advice. "Husband, who's 35, bought me, a 31-year-old woman,

"the same earrings I have worn daily. "for the last two years.". (Trevor laughs). - Hmm. - That's so funny. (everyone laughs). That's such a guy thing to do. - [Shayne] Okay. - I'm not mad at him. - "My husband and I are in our third year together. "Got married legally last year. "Our wedding is later in 2025. "I have often pointed out to him that I love sweet gestures. "such as receiving meaningful gifts when the occasion arises. "versus a gift card or generic item.

"I went out of my comfort zone. "and asked him directly if he could buy me earrings. "for Valentine's Day this year. "He said yes and even asked for some brands he can look at. "I gave him some suggestions and let him pick for me. "He gave me the earrings today. "and it's the exact same pair I have been wearing. "for the last two years every single day. "I've worn them the day I first met him, "the day he proposed, the day we got married on paper. "I couldn't hold back my honest feelings. "that I felt so invisible to him, "that my doubts of him not caring about the little things.

"were just confirmed by this. "He got upset at me for getting upset at him. "Fellow ladies, how would you have felt?". - Fellow ladies. - Hey, I'm gonna take a backseat on this one. - I feel like we need more information. I wanna know what he was, 'cause I think, so she's saying that he was unaware. that those were her earrings, I think is what-. - Did she say that? - I think that's what I'm inferring. 'cause she's saying, "I feel invisible.". - God damn. - That's my interpretation is that she's like,

"You didn't even realize that these were the same earrings.". That's what I think she is thinking and saying, as opposed to, "Oh, you bought me another pair of these earrings. "'cause you know I love them.". You wanna just... - Yeah, 'cause in my mind I'm like, some earrings last forever, but some like don't. So if you were to buy me like the same pair. or a newer pair of like, I'd be like, oh, this is sick, this is great, because sometimes the clasp gets a little loose. and things like that. But dang.

I mean, I think she's been feeling this for a while. and she's been trying to like kind of. like mend this over time by expressing what she wants. and what she prefers, 'cause she went to, "I feel invisible,". over a pair of earrings. And they're engaged, right? - They're married. - [Courtney] Oh, oh, oh. - They're legally married. They just haven't had their wedding yet. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, and it seems like, I mean, she said like it confirmed her fears, so it seems like there's like other things going on. and maybe this is like the straw.

that broke camel's back. - Yeah, she went... - 'Cause the chances of him finding. and buying the same exact pair, she only wears one pair of earrings. - [Trevor] Yeah. - The chances are pretty astronomical. - And I wanna say like, it's possible when he was looking for earrings, he was like, "Well, she likes ones like this. "Like, I feel like I've seen her wear ones like this. "So maybe she'll like these.". And maybe he was insecure or nervous. to venture further out of the comfort zone. and like have his taste kind of enter the equation,

you know, 'cause I can understand being nervous. that you pick something ugly. and so you're just like, "I'm gonna stick to what I know.". I can see that being potential. - I almost like, I don't know, obviously, you know, if there's more to the relationship or whatever, but it's almost kind of endearing the idea of a guy. who's like just not observant, like not that observant or not really like a jewelry guy, like, and then he goes and she asks him to buy her earrings. and he goes and he's like, "I think she'll really like these ones.

"These seem like ones she'll really like.". And they're the ones that she wears every day for two years. - [Shayne] Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah, it's very possible, like, yeah, 'cause something like earrings is specific. and like I have my particular taste. And yeah, some people just don't care about that stuff. at all. So I don't know. I feel like, yeah, it's just that we need more. - In this case too, she's talking about she wears one pair of earrings. It's not like she has a style. It's not like she has a variety. She wears one pair of earrings every day,

and then he bought that exact pair. And, you know, and then he did get upset at her. for getting upset at him. - [Trevor] Yeah. - There's a lot going on here. Some comments. "I don't buy men are like that and they don't notice things. "Men notice plenty when they want to. "They can recite the stats for their favorite teams. "or their favorite players among other things. "I would've been disappointed too.". Someone else said, "Don't buy into the whole guys are just like that thing. "My partner hinted at having a note on his phone.

"of all the things I excitedly talk about maybe getting. "and is actually excited about my upcoming birthday. "I would also be upset by such a letdown.". Someone else said, "That would have hurt my feelings a lot. "I think you're justified in feeling upset. "It's also concerning that he got upset with you. "for getting upset with him. "You should be able to express your feelings. "without him turning it on you. "I think you expressed yourself well in this post. "Maybe you could write him a letter. "about how it made you feel. "That gives you the opportunity to air out your feelings. "and hopefully it will feel less confrontational for him.".

- I can see that. Hearing those comments, I see where that comes from. I don't know if you guys have seen this on TikTok. where there was this one boyfriend. who had like a cheat sheet for his girlfriend, and it was like her favorite color, like her Taco Bell order. Like, all these specific things. that he just wants to keep on hand. And it's like, I'm sure he'll eventually actually like remember those. or already does, but it is sweet that like, you know, that's what this partner's, you know, in competition with. That's what-. - [Shayne] Yeah.

- You know, and so I get the feeling she's having. - Yeah, putting in that little extra effort. is like really important for like those smaller things, and it just, it makes you feel nice. Even like, you know, the reverse. Like, if my partner does something like that. or like I mention a little thing. or there's a little thing that I like and she remembers that. and surprises me with that, like that's awesome. That feels so good. - Yeah, to feel seen. And she's saying she feels invisible. - [Trevor] Yeah. - And it's one of those where I wish I had more information.

is that I'm like, you feel invisible. and I don't believe it's just from this singular event. - Right. Exactly. - That's what's tough is I'm like, you feel invisible in a relationship is a big deal. - [Courtney] Yeah. - And she's like, yeah, this confirms my fears. It's like, what else is going on? - [Courtney] Yeah. - OP left a comment and they said, "OP here. "Appreciate all the input. "We've moved past it. "And after acknowledging his blip, "he was able to exchange them for a different pair. "And he then also got me another set of earrings. "as an added apology. "While this experience sucked in the moment, "as many pointed out, marriage and commitment.

"is more than unintended hurt feelings.". Okay. And that's the end of that. We don't have an update or anything. So I don't know. I think if he's really sorry and he changes things... - Yeah, we've got a lot of those happening. And getting her an extra pair. I mean. 'cause here's the thing, I'm not really a fan of when people ask me what I want. I'm not really a fan of like,

"I want this exact thing, please get it for me.". Like, I will just get it for myself at that point. I will get just as much joy getting it for myself. So she went as far as to go, "Please, like, will you give me earrings. "for Valentine's Day?". Like, asking. Like, literally handing to him what she wanted. Going as far as sending links. and websites of what he wanted. And it's also like. when, you know, we're playing a video game. and we're stuck in a spot, we go and look it up.

Go look at your partner's Instagram, dude. Look at pictures of her, look at the earrings she's wearing. Like, you don't have to depend on memory. Or like if you're in the same room as her. while you're online shopping, like use the cheat codes. that you have that are your eyes. - Right. - [Trevor] Yeah. - It's true. And it doesn't sound like, it sounded so simple. She wears one pair of earrings. Yeah, she sent him links for other ones. - [Trevor] Yeah. - So it's an interesting blip. And I do think it's something. that has been so normalized with men, right?

Where we go, oh, well men are just like that. They don't notice, whatever. And it's like, no, don't accept that. You don't have to accept that. - No, especially when you like ask. I think it's, hey, at least he did it. But, again, like the bar is so low sometimes. - Yeah, no, it's incredibly low. - I'm glad they like are... I'm always so curious when people say, "We moved past it.". It doesn't sound like, that doesn't sound like-. - [Shayne] It doesn't sound good. - We grew from it. We're stronger from it. We talked about it. It's all good. It's just, "We moved past it.". - It's interesting how even from small Reddit stories,

you can get this this vibe of like, do you actually like really like each other. or is it you're tolerating each other? It's like, oh, this is good enough. Like, yeah, it's fine. You wanna be in that? - Yeah, like constantly. negotiating your own needs with, yeah. - I just think it's like, this is not an inherent guy thing. Right? It shouldn't be, "Oh, well guys are like that.". It's like, no, this is an individual by individual thing. It's been normalized so we accept it. But you don't have to make that normal for yourself. - No. - Yeah.

- All right, our next story comes from Am I The Asshole. "Am I the asshole for refusing to remove a tattoo. "related to my ex for my current partner?". Ooh. I've never read a story like this. This is a 24-year-old man. "My girlfriend, who's 29, "and I have been together two years. "I only have one tattoo. "I got it when I was 19, "and it was given to me by my ex-girlfriend. "The tattoo, while it's not directly about or for my ex, "she was the person to tattoo it on me.

"It's a small, minimal tattoo. "My ex and I never broke up. "She died unexpectedly in an accident. "I was 21. "I haven't been in a serious relationship. "until this one I'm in now. "because I've taken time to overcome the loss. "and all the associated trauma. "To me, my tattoo holds a lot of meaning. "It extends beyond the relationship I had with my ex. "I've tried to explain that to my girlfriend, "but her thinking is black and white. "'If you're over her, just get it removed. "'Can't you do this for me? "'Don't you wanna move on? "'It means you're stuck in the past.'.

"These are some of her arguments. "Am I the asshole for wanting to keep my tattoo?". - Oh my god. - That's a huge red flag. - Yeah. - For one, it's a minimal tattoo. I mean, regardless it's his body. - This is so different than what I thought it was gonna be. - Yeah, same. - But ultimately this is one of those situations. where if you're with someone, they have a tattoo. or anything that they have with their body. and they go, "This is my choice. "I'm doing this.". You kind of have to be like, "Yeah, all right.". Or if you have such a problem with it,

then don't be with them. - And you don't just Control-Alt-Delete a tattoo. It is a process. It's painful, it's expensive, it takes time. Not everybody's Pete Davidson and can afford that shit. You know? - Going into the story, I was like, is this gonna be like a heart. with her name on it type thing? - Yeah. Julie. - There's a lot that I would maybe understand, and I think it being tied to trauma. and grief changes it entirely. 'cause it's not just about the ex. This is about a period of time in his life.

This is probably about a huge moment for him. And, you know, yeah, it was an ex, but it was also like, that's just someone who meant something to him. Lot of layers to that relationship. - I think it's insensitive to be like, "You're over her, right?". It's like, you mean grieving the loss of her? Like, I can mourn or appreciate this as much as I need. It's not infringing upon the relationship or on the partner. - [Shayne] Yeah. - I feel really disappointed by this girlfriend. 'cause like she's older than him and she's...

It just feels uncomfy. Like, it feels like she's in competition. and is uncomfortable with something that is there. because of someone who has passed away. It's not like this ex is out there tattooed. Like, there were so many other ways. that I thought that story was gonna go. And this is like literally he is completely in the right. - And I don't like her, I don't think she should be presenting him. with tons of arguments. and I don't like her arguments at all. "Can't you do this for me? "Don't you wanna move on? "It means you're stuck in the past.".

I mean, this is manipulation. It's just really, really insensitive and shitty. - All tattoos are stuck in the past. They're literally, like as someone... At first I was like, oh, it's his only tattoo and it's about his ex. That is a little cringe. But like, there's no reason for this to not be okay. Everybody has tattoos that they get from different eras. and I'm someone who believes that even if I don't agree. with a tattoo anymore, or like... Like, the meanings of tattoos can change all the time. And it's like, it's just like trauma or stories in our life.

where it's like it made us who we are. It's part of who we are, and we like get to keep on living, and this isn't holding me back. It's not defining me or keeping me in a place. that I'm not anymore. - Comments. Or the verdict, not the asshole. Comments. "Not the asshole. "Demanding someone remove a tattoo in general. "is a pretty crazy demand. "If it's not specifically a name. "or very obvious symbol of her, there should be no reason. "for someone to even request it be removed or covered.

"Your current girlfriend seems very insecure.". OP responded saying, "Exactly. "It's not directly anything to do with her. "It's just that she gave it to me. "Even when I had it done by her, "it was a tattoo I was getting for myself. "And while it did take on the added meaning. "of being something that exists in a world. "where she no longer does. "and will always be connected in that way, "it's not something to be competed with. "I wish I'd shared the deeper backstory about my tattoo. "with my current girlfriend earlier. "I think I took too long in establishing this side. "of my relationship with her. "Having her earn my trust.

"before letting myself become vulnerable to a point. "where I could share traumatic memories with her, "all for her to say, 'Remove your tattoo.'. "Shaking my head. "Maybe I'm an idiot and I don't know how to spot them, "but I genuinely saw no red flags. "This is our only real issue in our relationship, "but unfortunately it's a huge one.". - This is a thing we see a lot in partners, in like relationships where someone. is trying to set a boundary, but it's a boundary that's on the other person, like infringing on their existence, on their actions.

Like, you are being controlling. You're not setting a boundary. Saying, "Do this for me.". Yeah, like you said, it's manipulative. It's definitely going to continue to be an issue, like in other ways. This partner, their version of setting boundaries. and having things done for them is controlling. - I also think, you know, I'm thankfully not very experienced with grief, but grief is a huge deal, and how people deal with grief is always very unique.

and different by the person. And you need to be very, very respectful. of how they have dealt with their grief. and whatever they've done. and whatever they're currently doing. And as he admits, he's like, "It took me a long time to feel vulnerable to share this.". Of course. And the second he does her response is, "Well, just get rid of that.". - [Trevor] Yeah. - It's like, damn, that's... I'm frankly shocked he's still staying in this relationship. Like, that's a huge thing. - Just zero empathy.

She's only looking at the tattoo as how it relates to her. Like, it's just completely selfish. She's only seeing the tattoo as this is, you know, a past love of his and that threatens me. rather than seeing like the emotional meaning. that it has to him. - [Shayne] Right. - It kind of has a little bit of internalized misogyny. in my mind of like, you're competing, it's the idea that another woman existed in his life. It's like how men will freak out in hearing like, "Whoa, you're not a virgin? Ew.". Like, it's a weird like idea. - I get that. Yeah.

Someone else said, "She didn't even mind that tattoo. "until you told her your ex did it? "Yeah, she's selfish and bad news.". OP said., "So you're correct. "She did have some concerns even before I told her my story. "She worried how my tattoo would be perceived specifically. "by her parents because tattoos historically. "have bad association in my culture, "but it's not a big tattoo. "It's very clean and not visible when wearing most clothes. "She knew about me and my past. "She knew everything. "This tattoo is the least bad thing about me, "but to her it's the most intolerable.".

Someone else said, "I'd reserve judgment on this. "OP, do you talk about your former girlfriend a lot? "Does your girlfriend feel like there's a ghost. "in the relationship?". OP said, "I didn't talk about her at all until recently. "when I decided to open up. "and share the story about my tattoo, "and that's when the remove your tattoo stuff came out. "It's not a part of my past I bring up easily. "or want to visit. "or talk to people about beyond what's necessary, "and sometimes I wonder if I should just keep it to myself. "and not tell anyone at all. "I thought my current girlfriend was someone I could trust.

"so I chose to be vulnerable. "Maybe I should have laid it out earlier. "and given her an opportunity to walk away.". - Mm. - Update. - Okay. (Courtney sputters). - "Thank you everyone for answering my question. "I talked to my girlfriend. "and even though I've explained the past, "I tried to explain again one last time. "thinking maybe if we could communicate our feelings. "more clearly, we would get past this misunderstanding. "I explained my tattoo is personally meaningful to me. "in a way that has nothing to do with my ex. "It doesn't mean I haven't moved on.

"or that I'm stuck in the past. "We talked for a long time, and I did not break up with her. "because of how this conversation went. "I genuinely believed we overcame it. "A few days passed and she drank too much. "while celebrating a work milestone with her colleagues. "She called me that night to come to her place. "She was in a good mood that night. "I fell asleep first. "While I was asleep, she stubbed a cigarette on my tattoo.". (Courtney gasps). "I broke up with her. "because I can't take her fixation with my tattoo anymore.". All right, yeah. - Oh my god. - Holy crap.

- Okay. - [Trevor] What? - Is this an A24 movie? - With all these Reddit stories we read, every time they're like, "There's no issue besides this one thing,". and then like something happens where it's like, I think there's issues besides this one thing. That is unbelievable. - Oh my god. That's demonic. I don't care if there's alcohol in the equation. That is a lot of bad. - No, yeah. If when you drink that's your tendency, then okay. - [Courtney] Holy crap. - Wow. (groans).

God. - Evil. That's evil. Sorry. That's evil. And this flag is too small. - I think there's a red flag. - There might be red flag. - That's actually not the a red flag anymore. You've made it to the thing. - No, that's the red castle. - You've now made it it to the ship that you were... - You've done a crime. - That's you're a criminal. - That's not red flag, that's a crime. - No, it's the unfortunate times. when Reddit stories go past asshole conversations. and it's like, oh, they're a criminal. - Yeah. - Just a cop showing up at the door with a red flag.

They're like, "Hey, buddy, come on.". - Cops show up and they're like, "Um, I think you're the asshole here.". (everyone laughs). - [Courtney] Oh my god. That's horrible. - Boy, that's awful. Well... - Hey, at least they can say they tried. - They got out. Yeah. I'm sad that they did give this person a shot. and then they turned around and did that. - That's so scary. - [Shayne] They could press charges. - Yeah. - Fully press charges. They have evidence of it. - Owie owie. - Moving on from that nightmare.

Comes from Am I The Asshole, "Am I the asshole for not giving my girlfriend. "my Social Security number. "so she can run a background check on me?". (Shayne laughs). - Wait. (laughs). - All right, interesting title. Let's get into this one. - What? - "I, a 27-year-old man, have been in a relationship. "with my girlfriend, who's 31, for almost a year now. "This evening she sat me down. "and said she needs to have a serious conversation with me, "and she asked for my Social Security number. "I said, 'Absolutely not.

"'Why would you need that?'. "And she told me about her ex-boyfriend. "who was basically living a double life. "He had a bunch of criminal charges in his past. "that he'd never told her about, "and eventually exposed her to some sketchy. "and dangerous behavior before she broke things off. "after he cheated. "I said, 'Okay, thank you for telling me that, "'but what does that have to do. "'with my Social Security number?'. "She said, ever since then, she's had her friend. "that works for the federal government run background checks. "on people to make sure they're safe. "And because our relationship is progressing, "she needs to know I'm a safe partner for her,

"so she wants my Social Security number. "to check my criminal history. "Now for the record, I don't even have a parking ticket. "I'm a nerd and a gym rat. "All I do is work, go to school, play Dungeons and Dragons, "come home, watch anime, rinse and repeat. "So I don't care about a background check. "She won't find anything. "But I'm not giving out my Social Security number. "I don't feel comfortable enough. "providing that to her friend. "When I said that, she got upset. "and said I don't understand what women go through. "and it's about safety. "And I admitted she's right. "I have no idea what women go through, "but that doesn't mean I'm giving my Social Security number. "out to a complete stranger.

"She says he isn't a stranger. "He's one of her best friends. "and married to a close friend of hers. "And I said, 'Honey, that's great, but I don't know him. "'I don't trust him because I don't know him. "'That's my information you're asking for. "'You can trust him with your personal information. "'if you want, but no one I don't know. "'is getting my Social Security number or critical details. "'It's just not happening.'. "And she said that our relationship. "isn't going to be able to progress. "unless I give him my Social Security number. "because she needs to know that she's safe. "and she's offended that I don't trust her taste in friends. "I got up and left at that point.

"and told her I respect her concerns, "but her past trauma doesn't give her the right. "to try and strong arm me. "into giving out sensitive information. "to someone I don't know. "just because he works for the federal government. "and has access to a database. "I used to work for the federal government, "so I can say from experience, "everyone working there isn't some wonderful person. "I'm not assuming he's a monster or anything, "but just working for the feds doesn't prove anything to me. "She called me insensitive and hasn't spoken to me since. "Personally, I feel like she was gaslighting me. "into giving her what she wants, but I'm not sure.". - Oh, that's...

Okay. It's like such an interesting specific situation. and my mind went to so many places, but it's like that's the equivalent. of "I need to go through your phone in order to trust you.". And like that's just not a foundation of real trust. - [Shayne] Right. - And what if he was like, "Well, I had an ex-girlfriend. "who stole my Social Security number and my identity.". So like then we're at like a standoff of... And it's so common for the ex. to become the responsibility of the new partner in that way.

It sucks. - Yeah. Yeah, he's paying the price for what her ex did. - Yeah. - It's so tough because it's obvious. that she went through something traumatic. and she's very scared. of something like that happening again, but it's just like not the healthy way to approach it. And it seems like he's being like pretty reasonable. and understanding. and like trying to communicate like his feelings. But yeah, it's so tough. I mean, he's completely like in the right to be like,

"No, I don't want to give out my Social Security number.". - Yeah, he sounds like a green flag kind of guy. - Yeah. - [Shayne] Yeah. I agree with what you're saying. That this is not a environment for a healthy relationship. - [Courtney] No. - Like, this amount of distrust. She's clearly gone through a lot. Like, it must have been horrible what she went through. But like-. - It's not common. - This is not gonna solve it. Also, the unfortunate reality is like not all monsters.

have a criminal history. You know, he might have a completely clean record. and is still capable of horrible things. - [Courtney] Right. - I mean, anyone who watches true crime documentaries knows, like, it's not always like, oh, the signs were clear. - [Trevor] Yeah. - It's like no, sometimes like, oh, he was the most loved person in the community. You know, it's like, that's not going to solve this problem. - If you're not in a place where you can trust someone. without them giving you your Social Security number.

to do a background check, then you should not be in a relationship. and be going to therapy. - Yeah. I would rather them go through my phone. than have a private investigator. look my entire existence up, 'cause I'm like, what the hell? That's like really scary. Like, 'cause there's something to be said about. when you're entering a relationship and say, I'm like, hey, I've been cheated on before. and so I would love extra communication. - [Shayne] Right. - Like, you can set boundaries. because you've been hurt in the past in that way. That's reasonable.

But something as like, obviously people do shitty things all the time, but something that deep and like wild as like crimes. and needing to be investigated and stuff, like you can't put that on every person you date. You're like, oh, I tend to attract weird men. You know, men who like run drug arenas. or whatever people do. - What I think is fair when people, because she must have gone through so much. and I feel sorry for her,

but what I think is the healthy thing that happens. is people go through a lot in a relationship. and then in their next relationships they're like, "Hey, I've learned where I draw my lines. "and I will not tolerate like any sign of this thing.". - Yeah, like, there's steps. - And I'm like, I understand. That's fair. That's great. It's like, hey, if you do anything sketchy. or anything that makes me feel in harm's way, this is over. - Yeah, or just being like, "Hey, like I went through a lot in my last relationship, "so it might be a little bit harder for me. "to like open up and trust.

"Like, it might take me a little bit longer to trust you.". - [Courtney] Yeah. - And I think like communicating that is healthy, but going in and being like, "Hey, we're approaching a certain point, "so I need your Social Security number,". is a long step to take. - OP can be like, "Ha ha, how do I know I can trust you. "and you are still working with your ex to commit crimes. "and want to steal my identity?". - Exactly. The verdict is not the asshole. Comments. "Not the asshole. "I just had a background check completed. "I've had them every five-ish years for the last 20. "because I volunteer with children, "some in state, some federal. "I also have been screened by the government.

"for a permit several times. "I have never had to provide a Social Security number. "Sadly I think your girlfriend may be the criminal. "and you may be her long con.". - Bro, why did I feel that? 'Cause I was like, wait, all you need is a name and a date of birth. to like run a criminal record check. - Someone else said, "Her government friend is committing a felony. "Not the asshole. "You want no part of this.". - That's crazy. - Whoa. - Ha ha! - I was thinking, I'm not too aware of federal crimes, but-.

- [Trevor] I am! - Like, a federal employee's not allowed to be doing that. on the side. - Yeah, that's weird. - You have to have clearance. (Courtney giggles). Lastly, someone said, "Not the asshole. "You don't even know if she's telling you the truth. "She could be stealing your Social Security number. "for all you know. "Run. Run away. "Clearly she isn't willing to address her trust issues. "She needs therapy. "Assuming everyone is a criminal. "and you need proof otherwise is incredibly toxic.". There is the element. that she's actually the dangerous one here. - I felt that when I was like Social Security number, you don't need that to run a background check on anybody.

- Yeah, I was gonna say, I don't know how that works, but I feel like you could just look up someone's name. and see if they have a criminal record. - Yeah, literally. Like, what are those? Like, the white pages? And you like search and pay like $30 or something. - Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of steps. Like, she could talk to his friends, talk to his family. They've been dating for a year. Like, I feel like at this stage she could be like, "Hey, I wanna like sit down with like some of your friends. "and like-". - Also he was a government employee. - [Courtney] Yeah. - Would he not have been background checked for that?

- Also he could have been like, "Okay, if we're gonna do this, then I want yours too, "and I'm gonna take yours to somebody that I know. "so that we can check each other and both feel safe. "How about that?". - Yeah. Update. (Courtney gasps). It's a big one. - Let's go! - Crime, crime! Please be crime, please be crime, please be crime! - Crimes! Need a crime flag. Sorry. - "After reading the comments I've been getting. "over the last few days, "I decided to call her on New Year's Eve. "and give things one last chance. "because I'm the type of person. "that needs to know I did everything I could. "before I walked away from a relationship.

"And some people said she has valid concerns, "she just went about them the wrong way, which made sense. "I told her, 'I understand and respect your need. "'to ensure your safety, "'but I'm not willing to potentially compromise my safety. "'to make you feel safe. "'by handing over my Social Security number. "'to someone I don't know and don't trust. "'And it's illegal for him to even use a federal database. "'for personal reasons. "'So that's out. "'But what I will do is pay for a background check. "'of your choosing so long as it's a legitimate service. "'and give you the results. "'I will not be providing my Social Security number.

"'to anyone, but my address, date of birth, et cetera. "'are all fair game.'. "She refused and said that she has chosen a background check. "and that's having her friend do it. "because she knows that she can trust him. "So I said that if that's how you feel and you won't budge, "then the issue here is trust, "and I'm not willing to stay in a relationship with a woman. "that doesn't trust me because of some shit. "that doesn't have anything to do with me. "I'm not paying for another man's sins. "and I'm not giving you my Social Security number. "because your ex was a criminal. "She started crying and asking why I can't understand. "that it's not about me, it's about her.

"And I said, 'You made it about me when you asked. "'for my Social Security number.'. "She got pissed and started accusing me of lying. "about caring about her safety. "and saying if I really care. "then I'd have no problem doing this. "because I don't understand how vulnerable women are. "in society. "So I said I was willing to work with you. "up to a reasonable point, "but now you're just trying to manipulate me. "and I don't feel safe being with you anymore. "because if this is how you react. "when you don't get your way. "about having my Social Security number, "what happens the next time we have a major disagreement. "or a serious situation come up?

"Are you going to keep crying to try and get your way. "or throw out another ultimatum to try. "and force me into doing what you want? "She started saying that as a man, "I can't understand what it's like to go through life. "as a woman. "and have to be afraid that this is what she has to do. "for her safety and security. "and I need to just respect that. "and give her what she needs for her comfort. "I was like, 'I tried to compromise. "'You wouldn't accept that. "'There's nothing more to say here.'. "And to be clear, I wasn't exactly calm. "I have severe anxiety, "so this was a really, really hard conversation. "for me to have. "I was actively pacing around my house and sweating.

"and forcing words out the entire time. "Then she started crying and asking about New Year's. "because we were supposed to spend it with her parents. "I said, 'You should have thought about that. "'before you tried to strong arm me into getting your way.'. "This isn't a 'and everyone stood up and applauded' moment. "That's just how things went. "I hung up and now we're over. "Obviously I'm hurt, but I'm realizing I dodged a bullet. "because there's no reason shit. "should have gotten this (beep) messy. "And before anyone tries to jump me in the comments, "again, I offered to pay for the check, "but she refused because it wasn't the test she wanted. "I feel like I made a good faith effort to resolve things.

"I hate to ring in the new year. "without a kiss under the mistletoe, but it is what it is. "I don't know if she really is that concerned. "if I'm some lunatic criminal. "or if she's trying to scam me like a lot of you said. "Either way it's over now.". - Wow. That's-. - [Shayne] Whoo. - Wow. I mean, he did everything. He's like, "Look, I'm not gonna give my Social Security out, "but I'll literally pay for a background check. "from like a verified organization that does these things.". - [Shayne] Yeah. - And unfortunately there is no crime. - Yeah. No crime.

We need a crime flag. Green flag, red flag, crime flag. You know, I've watched documentaries, obviously that's like taken with a grain of salt, but like there are scammers who will use relationships. and they will play the long game, six months or longer to get things like that. I'm not saying that this is what she was doing necessarily. But, OP, you are a catch and trust your gut. Good job protecting yourself. And you literally went on to compromise.

You went, "Okay, I will do this for you, "but in a way that's like kind of like Switzerland, "like for both of us.". That's huge! And she refused to compromise. Like, that's breakup material. - Yeah, and it makes me think about. how in relationships oftentimes. when people are cheating on someone, they are then very suspicious. of that person cheating on them. Kind of makes me think like she's so certain. that he's gonna be a criminal. and be scamming her or dangerous to her.

It's like, is this projection? Are you scamming? - Are you crime? - Are you crime? - [Shayne] Are you crime? - Are you crime? - We're married, and I don't even know if I've seen your Social Security. 'cause I'm just like, I don't need that. Keep that shit away from me. I don't need that shit. - Either way, I think he made the right call. This was not gonna work out. - This story aside, I think it's such a funny bit to be like, "No, babe, please, "you have to give me your Social Security number.". - [Shayne] It's so funny. - Please. Oh my god. I need your Social, please. - It's really funny.

- And I understand where she's coming from. of like, you don't understand what women go through. I'm like, bro, millions of families. get identities stolen every year, Jim. (everyone laughs). - It's not a joke. - [Shayne] It's so funny. - That's not a joke, Jim. - Yeah. So what are your guys' Social Security number? - Shut up. (Shayne laughs). - So like what... - I got a fun fact about my Social Security number, but I'm not gonna say it. (everyone laughs). - Babe, just give me your routing and account number. It's just so I feel safe that you're not gonna rob me. - Look, I'll give you a hint.

There's a five in there somewhere. - Whoa! - Whoa. - What if it is five? - 69222222. - It's five. - 69 420. (everyone laughs). That has to suck. if you get an absolutely radical like Social Security number. and you can't tell anyone. - [Trevor] You can't tell anyone. - Fuck, I wanna tell you my Social, it's so sick. - Dude, please. - One time when I was in my, like I think I was barely, I think I just started my 20s. and I was in a situation. where the person needed my Social Security number, and because I was so autopilot with online shopping,

I started saying my credit card number. (laughs). I was like, oh wait, no. Oh yeah, it was like the last four digits. And I accidentally said my last four of my credit card. I was like, wait, wait, wait, no. - [Shayne] So funny. - I was like, hopefully they don't think I have two identities. 'cause I said a different number. (Shayne laughs). - I remember the first time someone asked me. for my Social Security number. and I was like, wait, I have to have this shit memorized? - [Shayne] I know. - I was like, wait, I actually have to know this? I didn't... - [Shayne] I know. - That was awful. - Know yourself. - I remember, no joke, when I was like 18.

and I had to start like knowing it, I remember being like, "God, I have to remember this number?". I'm like, "I should get it tattooed on me.". (everyone laughs). How easy it would be to just like steal my identity. (everyone laughs). All right. Our final story. - Last story. - Our last story comes from Am I Overreacting. - Boo! Last story? What if we got 10 more? Anyone? - Boo! Last story? Bailey.

- Red flag. Okay, sorry, Shayne. Go ahead. - "Am I overreacting. "after I found out my boyfriend's online friend group. "I became part of two years ago. "has been just him the whole time?". (Trevor laughs). - What? (laughs). What? - Oh my god. - "I guess I should have been less oblivious, "but since a little before we started dating in 2022, "I was added to my boyfriend's, just friend at the time, "three person Instagram group chat with what he explained.

"were some of his closest online friends. "The two other accounts seemed like real people. "because they had real followers and comments on their posts. "and drastically different aesthetics/looks to them. "We eventually made a Discord server for us. "That alone was convincing enough. "since times we'd all be active at the same time. "We never voice chatted, "but I used to never voice chat either, "so I didn't think twice. "The group got closer, and last month we got together. "and planned a research trip to Hawaii for August.

"We live on the east coast of the US. "Like, we booked everything. "So imagine my surprise when I'm over at his house tonight. "and his computer is open. "and I just wanna log into my Google docs. "when I accidentally stumble across follower bot sites. "He was logged in and chatting with me. "as one of the individuals I thought had become close with. "I just got this sinking feeling. "I didn't jump to the idea that they could be fake either. "I was like, maybe he just has their log-in. "since they're all so close. "and is way too interested in their messages.

"But then I noticed their only chats were the group chats. "and the server, "and the real kicker was the email address. "it was signed up under was his backup email. "with his full name. "I quite literally snooped. "until he got outta the shower and caught me, "which I'm not saying was right of me, "but I couldn't help myself. "During my snooping, "I gradually became devastatingly confident. "that he wasn't behind just one but both accounts. "I've never seen his face so red, "and he just absolutely panicked. "and started shouting at me to get out of his business.

"I couldn't even form the right words to say to him. "In the end, I just walked out of his apartment sobbing. "It's very early in the morning, I get that. "But this screenshot is what he has to say, "and I'm starting to feel crazy. "Am I overreacting about my discovery?". Here's a screenshot of the OP and boyfriend's conversation. - [Courtney] Oh my god. - She says, "I just wanna know why. "When it finally came time for the Hawaii trip, "how were you going to explain that? "What were you thinking?". He says, "You know something I've noticed about you? "You can never just be calm. "and there always has to be an issue.

"I know you were raised in a volatile environment. "and still have to relearn a lot. "about healthy relationship dynamics, "but it's like you thrive on chaos only. "And we were gonna see 'Wicked' tonight. "I guess there that goes.". She goes, "You can't be serious. "I deserve answers. "I am honestly so creeped out. "Basically half my life for the past two years. "has been a complete and total lie. "And you are behind all of it.". He goes, "Okay, don't be dramatic. "You know this isn't a big deal. "You're just giddy to harp on this and make a bigger issue.". - Give me your shoe!

Give me your shoes. (laughs). I need to throw your shoe. - [Trevor] What? - You need to block him and never talk to him again. - This is insane! That's such a funny bit to pull for like a day. Like, one day of being like, actually that was me in a group chat. Like, that's so funny. - And he is a theater kid. Of course they're gonna see "Wicked". He had a whole production going. - Can I say? It's one of the... Okay. A red flag that I used to ignore. that is such a big red flag is whenever you communicate.

or even like an argument and a partner or someone goes, "Oh well, we were gonna do this thing. "I guess our night's ruined. "Like, you ruined our night. "You ruined our night because you communicated.". I'm like, that to me is such a like, do not... You're punishing someone for-. - There's a term. It's like reactive abuse, I think. It's where someone does something horrible to you, and then because you reacted to it, they then punish you for doing it. - Right. (Courtney groans).

But his, "And we were gonna see 'Wicked' tonight. "There that goes.". I'm like, (beep) you. - You had multiple fake identities corroborating you. as a person with me for a year. Yeah. - And then he goes, "No, you're the crazy one. "You don't understand healthy relationship dynamics.". - "You thrive on chaos.". - Me, myself and I have great conversations, okay? - Yeah, the three of us have been talking about you. and we think you have a problem. - You're out of the group. - My friends don't like you. (everyone laughs). - Sorry. You're off the Hawaii trip. - What was he gonna do in Hawaii?

Was he gonna like dip out at times. and come back with a mustache and be like, "Oh, I keep missing him.". - I bet he was probably gonna be like, "Oh, they canceled. They can't go.". But like truly that is some, that is fraud. Huge levels of fraud. Like, in a very intimate way, where imagine getting in a relation, or they were friends when they first started. She's getting to know this guy based on who he is. and, you know, when we're getting to know a guy. or somebody that we're dating,

it's how do they interact with their friends? Like, this is so great. I'm learning about them through what their friends say. and think of him. Like, that's all fake. - I think we're also probably missing a lot. of information here 'cause she's just reacting. This means that these friends. probably had individual conversations with her. This was always a means of probably manipulation. for him to get information out of her, to know everything about her. that maybe he feels she wouldn't share with him directly. I think unfortunately she's gonna look back.

and find that this is so much worse than she thought. - Yeah. - It seems like just like reading the story, it's easy to be like, oh my god, this is so funny and insane. But it definitely is like, it could be very dark, very weird. - This to me is immediate block. and don't ever talk to this guy again. - 100%. - Yeah. - Comments. "Yeah, this is not okay. "I'm blown away that this is actually real because what? "How could someone do that to you, "your partner of all people? "And like was he ever planning on telling you.

"or just letting it ride out? "What does he gain from this? "So many things running through my mind, "but the most disgusting factor is how he responded to it. "And it honestly sounds so manipulative. "Like, he's deflecting instead of owning up to his actions. "I'm sorry that you're going through this.". Someone else said, "I'm trying to think of all the problems. "He gaslit and is actively gaslighting you. "He catfished you. "He generally manipulated you. "And now he's going to spin, 'It's not a big deal,'. "and if it doesn't work, he'll pivot to 'just a joke'. "or 'I did it for you.'. "I would love to have a therapist weigh in on the tendencies.

"and what they could mean. "The guy is unwell. "Distance yourself. "And based on his access to bots, "change passwords on everything. "Go to accounts and check logged in devices. "I'm not joking. "Not overreacting.". Someone else said, "Am I understanding this correctly? "You, your boyfriend, and these other friends. "were all planning a trip together to Hawaii? "Like, what was the plan there? "How could he possibly have explained that away?". All right, update. (Courtney gasps). - Oh my god. - Oh my god. I got chills. - Tiny little update. Okay.

"Just got this. "He still hasn't explained himself essentially at all. "I'm going to take the advice of the majority. "of the comments section and block on everything. "Thank you so much for all of your kindness and support. "I have not slept at all. "as this is such a bizarre situation. "So I appreciate you all.". Screenshot of OP and boyfriend's conversation. So he sent her a text at 6:21 AM saying, "Do you want to get...". He sent a text saying, "Do you want to get our tickets off the AMC app. "or buy them at the theater?".

- Um! Oh, so "Wicked" is still on the table? - This is a... - Are all of them gonna go or just-. - This person is unwell. - This is extreme. - You just have to remove yourself. because in those situations, in order to protect yourself, you have to assume it goes deeper than you think. And I just, I mean, this guy scammed her. to get a relationship, 100%. The fact that they, like, let's break this down.

They started as friends and they were in this group chat, and based on all this going well, the connection going so well, these friends were probably saying great things about him. Oh, that he has a crush on you. All this stuff very likely happened. And so she thought. she was entering this very real organic relationship. that was completely based off of a scam. - [Shayne] Yeah. - I can't imagine how she must feel. That's so violating. - No, it's scary. I'm glad she's blocking him on everything. I hope she just gets as far away from him as possible.

I do think she should change passwords. I mean, that's extreme behavior. and don't know where else that can move on to. That's once again past the red flag. That's just-. - [Courtney] That's crime. - We're there. - Yeah. - That's scam. - We're at the destination. - Whoo. - Wow. These were some wild ones. - That was crazy. That was the second time that Courtney's grabbed my shoe. - I know. - A second shoe grab has hit the Reddit couch. - I get crazy. I gotta grab a shoe. And you just gotta watch out.

- That's how crazy the story was. You know, it's a crazy one when Courtney grabs my shoe. - Mm-hmm. That's insane. (laughs). The title of like... (Courtney vocalizes silly music). I just see finger puppets and like this guy was, oh my gosh. - I think what makes me sad. is how extreme these situations are. and yet people still need to go on Reddit. and get clarification from other people. of like, "Hey, am I overreacting?". It's like, what?

Like, you needed to get a second opinion on that? Like, that makes me feel sorry for so many people, but I know there's so many people out there. who tolerate so much. - She probably thought she had friends she could go talk to. - [Shayne] I know. - This person is like, it is like a venomous, like I feel like you can smell the manipulativeness on them. where I'm sure she didn't. She maybe had friends that he probably like, just, you know, isolation happens a lot. in those types of relationships. - I think so many of these conversations, it was red flags,

but I think the theme today was like trust. And I think if you're in a relationship. and you don't trust your partner, that's a huge problem. That's like the number one problem, right? 'Cause you cannot move forward. when you don't trust your partner, whether they've done something or not, 'cause the lady with the Social Security number, it's like, hey, you can't function. in a relationship with this. But it's also why lying to me is like the biggest deal. If your partner lies to you and the bigger that lie, it's like, can you move on from that?

Because without trust, it's just so hard. Thank you both for being here. - Thanks for having us. - Hey, thanks for having us. - Hey, you guys are green flags. - You guys are really green flags. - You guys are green flags. - Like, really. Flags. - Thank you for-. - Wait, can I say something actually really sappy. for a second? - [Shayne] Sure, man. - Can I get sappy on "Reddit Stories"? - [Shayne] Whoa. - Whoa. - No, I just, God, no, how many of these have we done together? No, I was thinking about this. when I was looking at the call sheet for today. and that, you know, I was gonna be on "Reddit Stories".

with you guys, and I feel like ever since I was just like a little guppy. working as a little associate producer on Mythical Kitchen, like both of you have always just been so nice to me. and so encouraging of me. and like I remember the first time you guys invited me. on a stream that was like the earliest version of the show. You're reading Reddit stories on, and it was just like, it was so big to me. Like, that was just so nice of you to do and so sweet. So yeah, I just wanna say thank you. You guys have just been always so encouraging. and nice to me in this whole journey of me.

I don't know. - Oh my gosh, Trevor. - Becoming a YouTuber or whatever. - Trevor! You're so nice. You're so nice. - Trevor! - Hey, do you wanna give me your Social Security number? - Hey, dude, give us that Social Security number. - Give it to us. Come on. (everyone laughs). That's really sweet. You're really great, Trevor. And you deserve all the great things. - Aw, thank you. Anyway... All right, back to being funny. I hate you, Shayne. (everyone laughs). By the way, Shayne, you suck! Don't untie my shoes! (everyone laughs). - Just starts bullying you immediately. - I don't know how to tie them.

(everyone laughs). - All right, well thank you for watching, and a reminder that last week we did our live show. and you can still watch the VOD. It's still available until March 23rd. You can get tickets at live.smosh.com and go check it out. It was a blast, I'm certain. (everyone laughs). We haven't done it yet as I'm recording this, so I hope it was good. But thank you for watching. We'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye! - Goodbye, pancakes.