Dating Is Cooked | Reading Reddit Stories

- Hello. Welcome to "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.". I'm Shayne. And today's theme is dating. And I'm joined by two people who... - Are dating. - Maybe I've dated. You don't know. We don't know. Chanse and Tommy. - Don't give them fodder. - Yeah. Yeah. They're like (chomping). - Courtney's in the room just like, "What?". - Oh! - We're talking about dating again. I feel like we've done dating episodes before. that you've been on. Yeah, it's always a fun time to talk about it.

No drama at all. - Nope. It's super easy. - It's always straightforward. - So chill. - Yeah. - I notice in our comments everybody says. that dating is like just easy for them. There's no problems going on. It's easy to get a date. Dates always go well. - It's awesome. - Yeah. - It's being reciprocated. - Honestly, why are we even doing this podcast? - Yeah, we don't need to do this. The consensus is that dating is easy. and successful. - And awesome and fun. - Sike! Got you guys. - [Tommy] Gotcha. - We fooled you! - I bet you thought we thought that, huh? - Should we just start? - We can start,

and I would like to let the people know. today I will be fidgeting with this little string. that I found on my bracelet. - Okay. For those listening, he's got a string. - And I have-. - [Shayne] It's a very small string. - I have this beaded bracelet, which I'm gonna do everything in my power. not to go like this the whole time. Okay. And now we can begin, okay? - And now we start. - Okay. - Our first story comes from Am I Overreacting. This was posted in January of this year. "Am I overreacting? "He keeps hinting at an unusual kink two weeks in.

"I just started talking to this guy a few weeks ago, "and he seems really amazing so far. "He's attractive, "gives well thought out responses when we're texting, "compliments me often, "and has generally been great to chat with. "Today in a very innocuous way while we were talking. "about how our separate New Year's Eve plans had gone, "he brought up the show 'Fear Factor,'. "specifically when people are made to interact with bugs. "He asked if I was afraid of bugs, "and I replied that I'm generally not too scared of them. "Then he asked if I would hypothetically participate.

"in a challenge where I was asked to squish a bug. "with my bare hands. "I replied that I think it's mean. "to just kill bugs for no reason. "Then he tells me that he finds it really attractive. "when women aren't afraid to squish bugs. "I thought that he meant not being afraid to kill a spider. "with a newspaper or something, but he kept going. "He asked if I'd squish a slug. "He stipulated that it wasn't alive. "to accommodate my desire not to kill bugs. "with my bare hands.". - No, no. - "I said that I wouldn't necessarily be afraid to do it,

"but that I wouldn't particularly want to either. "or enjoy doing so. "Then he asked if we were in a relationship. "if I'd squish a big bug. "The bigger the better.". - Yeah, how big is that bug? - "At this point, I was weirded out. "and asked him if it was a sexual thing, "and he said it wasn't, "that it was just attractive. "to see a woman being brave enough. "to do something like that. "I felt tentatively okay with that explanation. "and steered the conversation away from that after this.".

So anyway, so the weather. - Let's get back to the big bug actually. - Yeah, no, the weather's great. Bugs though. - Big fat-ass bug. Splatted. - Thorax. - "The thing is, he's already brought it up again. "He brought up that his friend dared him to squish a bug. "with his hands once, "and when I didn't really give that a response, "he followed up with, 'Do you want to hear about the dare?'. "So now I'm weirded out. "Even though he assured me it wasn't a sexual thing, "I can't help but feel like he brought it up.

"way too many times for it not to be. "I really don't wanna look it up though. "Is this something you'd look past? "I don't want to kink shame or anything, "but I really have a problem with the idea of crushing bugs. "I love animals. "and hate the idea of squishing bugs for no reason, "even if they're dead. "I feel like even if I shut it down completely. "and we started a relationship, "I'd always have it in the back of my mind. "and look at him a little differently. "What if we saw a bug. "and I wanted to pick it up because it's cute? "I'd be worried about what he was thinking.

"Am I being too sensitive? "Is this something worth breaking it off for?". What if I see a bug? - What if I saw a bug? But what if I see a bug? - And I pick it up? - I guess I can date him. I just hope I never come across a bug ever again. Okay. - There is a kink for everything, isn't there? - There really is. - There really is. - I think I've looked this up before, like, because remember when "Endgame" was coming out. and everyone was like, "Oh, Ant-Man should just crawl up Thanos's booty hole.". And then I was like,

why does everybody want ants in people's booty holes? And I was like, is that a sexual thing? And there's like a sexual thing. about bugs crawling into your-. - Oh. - Into your holes. But this is someone just crushing a bug. - Yeah, killing the bug. With bare hands. - Like a power play? - Crushing it with their bare hands. - How do you acquire that kink? What did you see when you were three years old? - I know. - Maybe it's evolutionary. - Oof. (everyone laughs). Ooh-ah, crush bug. - Kill bug. - Hot lady kill bug.

- Hot lady kill bug. - Hot lady kill bug. Big lady, big bug. - Big bug, bigger lady. - Big bug. - This is two weeks in. - Yeah. - He's dropping hints-. - That's intense. - Mr. Man needs her to squash a bug. - Two weeks in, I'm thinking, where does this escalate to? Because if it's like a year and I'm like, okay, you've been holding on to this. - I mean, "Fear Factor" was a perfect in for him. He's like, "Hell yeah, I get to see so many (beep) bugs right now.". - Oh, he was, yeah. - Is this gonna turn darker though? Like, if we're starting with bugs, are we gonna go to bigger animals?

Is it gonna be scary? - I don't know. I feel like bugs are so different than, insects are so different than animals. - Scientists, are you listening? Bugs are different than animals. - [Shayne] Bugs are different. - Got exoselekons. (everyone laughs). Exokeletons. - Exokeletons. - I couldn't do this. - [Tommy] No. - I don't like... Like, some bugs do creep me out, but I don't want to kill a bug ever. - I don't wanna kill 'em. No. - I don't kill bugs. - Yeah. - There was huge moth that got into my place yesterday.

And my cat was chasing it around. I was like, she's gonna eat it, but I feel really bad. - Have you ever heard of a Dawson fly? - A Dawson fly? - Yes. - A Shane Dawson fly? Kill it! I'm kidding, I'm kidding. - Dawson's Creek fly. - No, they're like these flies that are about this big, they're like a foot long. - What? - Is that a foot? That's a foot, right? - Is Subway selling 'em? - I think you watched "Jumanji.". - No, no. I saw one in person in Texas. It's this big. Its wings are like the back half. They're like this, and they have these huge pincers in the front.

that are like this. They're like overlapping pincers. They're like (chomping). They're like this big. Look at that thing. Look at that thing. We have a picture of a Dawson fly. - Oh my god! - And it is this big, Shayne. It's like a foot long. - Now would you kill that bug? - Imagine a hot babe crushing that with her bare hands. (everyone laughs). - That's disgusting. - Mm-mm-mm. - Mm! This is awful. - Yeah. I think that's... - This is a lot. - I would be like, I'd be out, I think. - Oh yeah. - Two weeks in, there's no excuse.

- Oh yeah, two weeks in-. - You can't be bug dropping two weeks in. - And you're not kink shaming by being like, oh, we're not compatible here. - This isn't for me. - [Shayne] I got it. - And apparently it's not a kink. - It's just killing bugs. - It's just a lifestyle choice. We know about that. - Yeah. (Shayne laughs). Yeah. - The Southern accent. - Same thing. - The verdict was not overreacting. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Comments. "Not overreacting. "It's not kink shaming to not wanna participate in a kink. "that makes you uncomfortable. "Furthermore, it's fine to kink shame. "when it involves actively harming non-consenting.

"living creatures, in my opinion.". - Oh. - "Not overreacting. "This is a specific fetish called a crush fetish. "and is often tied into the giantess fetish. "He wants to be bug sized. "and have a giant lady squish or eat him. "Him insisting it isn't sexual, "then continuing to make you discuss it. "is making you non-consensually engage in his kink. "and that is yuck.". - I love how people just fill in so many gaps. - They're like, "By the way, so what's actually happened here-". - What this actually is,

is he wants to be the size of a bug. and he wants you to squish him. - He wants to be bug. - Hold on now. - Well, and what else could it be? - He watched "Bug's Life" when he was three years old, and he was like-. - He can never get over it. - This is my life now. Someone said in quotations, "Listen, I'm having a good time with you. "and I'm enjoying spending time with you, "but I am not and will never be interested. "in squishing bugs. "It's cruel and pointless.". - Oh. - Yeah. Say that. We have a little mini update. - Okay. - How mini? - It's very tiny. Squish in my hand.

- Oh. - "We were not dating, y'all. "This was a Tinder talking stage that I haven't even met. "I posted here mainly to see if this was something. "that someone could let go of instead of being fixated on. "But I think most of you are right in saying. "that he was way too hyper-focused on the topic. "I texted him and told him that his obsession. "with talking about crushing bugs was freaking me out. "and that I didn't wanna talk to him anymore. "Then blocked. "Thanks, all.". - Wait. - You're doing all this on Tinder, on the chat? - Yes, this was a whole lot.

If you're just in the talking phase on Tinder... - The first bug comment I'm out. - Yeah. - Don't bring up bugs at all. - It's like you get a text at 1:00 AM, it's like, "You bug? "Sorry, I mean you up?". - It's like, I'm out, blocked. If you say the word bug two weeks in, blocked. - [Chanse] Yeah. Block. - Forever. - I'm a bug blocker. - Okay. - I don't know. (laughs). - This episode of "Reddit Stories" is sponsored. by Aura Frames. Are you constantly getting flowers. for your mom on Mother's Day? Sure, they can be pretty, but you know what's prettier?

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For a limited time, listeners can get $25 off their bestselling carver mat frame. with code PITREDDIT. That's auraframes.com, promo code PITREDDIT. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Back to the show. Our next story comes from Am I The Asshole. This was posted back in September of 2022. Good year. - It was a great year. - What? - No, it wasn't. It really was kind of what-. - I had a good year. I joined Smosh this year. - Whoa! - Whoa, then it was a good year.

- Then it was a good year. "Am I the asshole for telling my girlfriend. "the way she talks about her car is weird and embarrassing?". She wants to squish her car. - Yeah. - "I, 25, have been dating my girlfriend, 23, "for about nine months now. "When she turned 21, her parents gave her a car, "and she decided to name it Angie. "I learned all this on our first date. "when she said, 'Angie took me here.'. "I thought that was odd, but let it slide. "Throughout our relationship, "she's always talked about her car. "as if she's talking about another person.

"When she got a flat tire on the highway a few months back, "she called me and said that Angie's shoe broke. "and has to get a new one. "When she goes to the car wash, "she describes it as giving Angie a bath. "This all came to a head this weekend. "when me and my friends went out drinking. "and my girlfriend offered to be the designated driver. "We were out for a couple hours, "and I admittedly got a bit too drunk. "When my girlfriend came to pick us up, "she said she's stopping at the gas station first. "to get Angie something to drink. "This is where I may be the asshole. "I told her, I think it's weird and embarrassing of her.

"to talk about her car like that. "It's a machine, not a pet or a kid. "And that she should treat it like how a normal person. "would treat any machine. "She got very quiet and refused to say anything. "for the rest of the drive home. "She dropped off my friends and then drove to my apartment. "I asked her why we weren't going back to hers, "and she said she needed some time to think. "and told me to get out. "She's been radio silent since then, "and I'm starting to think I did something wrong. "Am I the asshole for what I said?". - Well, I mean he like almost, like he almost said the C slur.

- What? - Clanker. Like, he basically said it. - You little bastard. - If you need to bleep that out, you can bleep that out. I get it. I'm sorry that I used the hard R. (Tommy cackles). (everyone laughs). But like damn, dude. Like, be a little-. - Come on. - [Chanse] Come on. - He needs a little more whimsy in his life. - Yeah. This is just like, okay, it's silly. - This is also someone, I famously my whole life. have like loved naming inanimate objects.

- Yeah. - I think there's power and magic in naming an object. Like, it becomes more special and it envelops it with power. My Roomba's name is Sapheera. My lunchbox in high school was named Gregory. - Nice. - I had a rubber chicken named Beckel. - Okay. - Beckel. - I had a leg of a doll that I drew a face on. and its name was Justine.

- That's the best thing I've ever heard. - She has a Facebook page somewhere out there. if you can find it. - It's more of a legbook page. - I love the concept of someone getting a tattoo. on their own leg and naming their leg. - Their leg. - Be like, "This is Greg.". - This is Greg. - Greg my leg. - Greg the leg. - Yeah. - Greg the leg. - Giving anything a name. kind of does give it some sort of weird, it's a weird power it has over us. - Even like swords. Like, I'm sorry, I'm gonna bring it up. - Oh, true. Yeah. Swords have names. Boats have names. - Here we go. - Boats have names. - All boats are women. - And all boats are women. - Sailors and captains-.

- Exactly. It's like... - Yeah. - There's power in naming things. - I'm kind of shocked. that they've been dating for nine months. and in that she's referring to her car as Angie, and she's like, "Oh yeah, I'm giving Angie a bath. "Like, oh, I'm getting Angie something to drink.". And he didn't bring it up like casually. Just kinda like, "Oh, like, yo, you really refer to your car as Angie.". - Yeah. - And just like bring it up casually, and she'd probably just be like, "Yeah, it's a funny thing that I do.". - Right. She'd just explain it regular. It'd be fine. - But you let that get pent up within you. and then you got drunk and were an asshole. - It's not about that. It's not about that.

- [Tommy] It really isn't. - There's some other stuff. And yeah, and he confronted her and brought it up. and embarrassed her in front of friends. - And when she's coming to pick him up. - Yeah. - Yeah. - She's doing an act of service. for you. - For him. - Yeah. I feel like it's very easy for us. to like build habits like vocally like this. None of her actions are different than anybody else. It's just how she refers to something. And you get used to that. It's no different than like. when you get used to like using slang terms and stuff.

Like, it's just-. - She's just stimming. - Doing it. But I am thinking about that Stephen King book. with the evil car. Christine. It's actually solid movie. - Christine evil car? - This guy finds this like old kind of beat up car, and it's like, oh yeah, I don't know what the deal with this car is. And he like kind of falls in love with this car. And then car has a mind of its own. And it's jealous of his girlfriend. Tries to kill his girlfriend. - Christine wants a bath. Christine wants a new shoe. - Yeah. - It's kind of like-. - Maybe OP is scared 'cause they've thought about that.

- Kind of like Transformers and Bumblebee. - Yeah. Kinda like Bumblebee. Kinda like Bumblebee. - Yeah, maybe Angie's alive. - That'd be cool. - Yeah. - My first car, my Honda Civic, when I got it when I was 17, I named it the Batmobile. I couldn't think of a good one, so I was like the Batmobile. - It's okay. It's okay, Shayne. (crew laughs). It's good. It's a good name. - Thanks. - It's a good name. (laughs). - My first car was a burnt orange Pontiac Grand Am GT.

And its name was Fang. - Oh, that's a good one. That's far better than mine. - And my Vespa right now... I drive a Vespa. My Vespa right now's name is Vulcan. - Vulcan. That's fun. That's awesome. Okay. - Yeah, I have a Camry, and her name's Camry Diaz. (Shayne laughs). It's very straightforward. - So it's normal. It's not normal, but it's not a crazy thing. I don't refer to it all the time. - That's the difference. - I never did either, so I think I never really... - And what's it called when you humanize things? - Humanizing. Personify.

- Personify. I don't personify it, and I'm like, he's going to get a drink. or he's gonna take a dump. - [Shayne] Yeah, sure. Sure. - I don't do that. - That's fine. (Tommy laughs). - Hey, Chanse, that's fine. - I don't do that. - That's fine. No, that's fine. - I seriously don't. You're looking at me really weird. - The verdict was asshole. - Yeah. - Yeah. 100%. - Obviously. Comments. "I asked Sasha since she's my car. "and would have a better perspective on this. "She said you're the asshole. "Sasha also said cars need gas. "because they're hungry, not thirsty. "She thought it was important for everyone to know.".

33,000 up votes. That had more up votes-. - Yeah, it's like a milkshake. It's more about the calories than about the quenching. - Yeah. - Okay. - Someone said, "You're the asshole. "Geez, just let your girlfriend enjoy her relationship. "with Angie. "Are you jealous? "How is she hurting anyone by being a bit silly. "when referring to her car?". Someone else said, "You called her weird and embarrassing. "as she did you and your stupid drunk friends a favor. "late into the night. "You made her feel stupid as (beep). "because she now knows you've been secretly embarrassed. "by her for months over a quirk.

"You're the asshole. "and probably a single one if you can't turn this around.". - Bam. - [Shayne] Jesus. - Oh. - Another tiny little update. that I'm gonna squish in my hands. - Oh. - "Well, she dumped me. "She found the post, called me, "and told me never to speak to her again. "I guess it's for the best though. "We really wouldn't have been that compatible. "as many of you have said. "Thank you for your judgments.". Oh, what a douche. - Yeah. - Thank you for your judgments. - Thank you for your judgments. You posted on Am I The Asshole. - Right. - Yeah. - Sorry, bud.

- If you walk into a courthouse and be like, "Here's my crime," get ready. - Yeah. - It kills me every time when someone posts. on Am I The Asshole and they get the asshole judgment. and then they're like mad about it. - Yeah. They wanna get vindicated. - Like, come on man. Accept it. - Yeah. - Anyways. - God. Geez. - Oh geez. - Aw, man. - This comes from Am I Overreacting. "Am I overreacting. "for being mad my boyfriend stayed the night. "at another woman's apartment. "just because she has a cold or the flu?".

- Hmm. I need more information. - This is a 27-year-old woman. "I'm currently in another state. "My boyfriend, a 27-year-old man, has made friends. "with my friends, including Stacey, a 35-year-old woman. "Last night I got suspicious after this message exchange. "after sending my boyfriend a funny TikTok video.". We've got screenshots of the text messages. The boyfriend writes, "I love that video. "Also Stacey is really sick with this flu. "I'm going to stay the night.".

She responds, "What do you mean? "Does she need to go to the hospital? "What are her symptoms?". He says, "Sneezing, stuffy nose, runny nose, "sore throat, cough, et cetera.". "What's her temperature? "Is she sweating? "Is she having trouble breathing?". "Normal temps. "She's sweaty from that steam thing and all the layers. "No trouble breathing.". "Babe... "No fever? "That sounds like it's just a cold. "What are you even doing for her? "Why do you need to stay over?". He says, "Taking care of her. "Message her or video chat with her. "since you have so many questions.".

She responds, "I'm going to video chat with her. "Talk to you in a bit.". "Stacey is a young, healthy, and fit woman, "so I wouldn't think a cold or the flu would put her. "in enough danger. "that she would need someone to stay with her. "When Stacey and I video chatted, she actually looked sick. "Her nose is red, chapped, and swollen. "She was sneezing and sniffling, but she didn't cough once. "Her breathing was fine. "She looked sweaty but not feverish. "She was even smiling. "This morning I video chatted my boyfriend. "and he did indeed stay at Stacey's. "Stacey still had her red nose and she was sneezing,

"but she was walking around in regular pajamas. "I feel like I shouldn't even have to tell them. "how mad this all makes me. "Am I overreacting?". What the (beep)? - Yeah, no, not overreacting. What is that? What? - Why do you need to... It sounds like... But I'm wondering... (everyone laughs). - No, this is one of those where I'm like, I don't even care if you're... If I found out, oh no, they didn't cheat, I'd be like, yeah-. - But what was that? - What the hell though? - But go home.

- So... Like, come on. I hate how he responds being like, "Well, why don't you video chat her. "if you have so many questions.". I'm like, dude, you know-. - You're at-. - She's in another state. and you're staying at someone else's apartment. You know what this looks like. - Mm-mm-mm. - And the way that... You know, if you could respond to being like, "Hey, this is your friend and she's sick,". you know, there's no way to like really talk out of it. But like, you come of it that way. where it's like, I'm just trying to help your friend instead. It's like, well, if you're (grumbles).

(Shayne laughs). - Yeah, that's weird. - Yeah, it's like-. - What do you do? - Of course my assumption is, yeah, something's going on. - I need more information. - I need more information to know if they're cheating. Maybe. - I don't care. - I don't think it matters. - Yeah, no, it's-. - I don't think I need more information. - It's a logical-. - You're done. - It's like, huh? - I need more information in terms of what is he doing? Like, what is the thought process? - I think it could be, 'cause the hubris of some people. who cheat is just astronomical, right?

And it could be like, oh, well we'll do this so that it kind of covers our tracks. and treat it so nonchalantly. Like, I think he's really thinking he can get away. with gaslighting her in this way. And I feel like this is actually good example. of gaslighting. - For sure. - Like, where something insane is happening. and he's going, "Why are you-". - No, why are you freaking out? - Why are you overreacting to this? - Oh. - If someone has the flu, also, you should actively probably not necessarily stay with them. You would drop off a bunch of stuff for them. and be like, "Call me if you need anything.". - Exactly. - Very correct. - But I don't wanna catch the flu.

- And if they need like a bedside assistant, you take 'em to the hospital. - Yes. - Yeah. - If it's severe. - [Tommy] If it's that bad. - She clearly, she does not have a fever, by the way. - Yeah, she's like, "Hey girl! "My nose is red. Oh.". - [Shayne] Yeah. - Sean, shut up. I'm on the phone with your girlfriend. - No, he wrote normal temperature. She doesn't even have a fever. She's in no danger whatsoever. - This is ridiculous. - It is absolutely ridiculous. And ridiculous on her friend's part too. - [Tommy] Yeah. - Like, they're both acting like this is chill. That makes me think 100% there's something going on.

- [Chanse] Yeah. - [Tommy] For sure. - And I don't like to jump to that conclusion too fast, but he's staying at her place. - We're jumping. - Yeah. - Comments. "Not overreacting. "That shit is insane to me.". Someone said, "Weird behavior. "I get a care package or something, "but staying overnight for the sniffles? "Your boyfriend is trying to bang Stacey.". - And you know what? You don't even have to deliver it. You could Uber Eats deliver that shit. - Drop it off at the front door. - Right there. Leave at door. Take picture. Done. - Someone says, "Makes no sense for him to stay. "Very stupid. "I would assume they're banging.". OP said, "As soon as I saw no trouble breathing,

"that's where my mind went. "They're not even trying to pretend. "that she's seriously ill. "A head cold has never stopped me from having sex. "I wouldn't expect one to stop her.". - Whoa, 'kay. - Damn. All right. - A head cold has never stopped me from having sex. - I'm snotting all over my girl. (Shayne laughs). God. - All right, well there's that. - Okay. No mini update? - No mini update. I don't think we need one. - I don't need it. - We know what's going on. - I think we've got all the info. - Dang. - Our next story comes from Relationship Advice.

This was posted in 2021, January of 2021. Not a good year. - That was not a good year. - Not a good year. Not a good year. - This is a 24-year-old woman writing in. "Is my neighbor, a 27-year-old woman, into me. "or is she just being friendly? "How do I know if she's gay?". - Okay. - "Hi, all. "I can't believe I'm asking for advice. "from a bunch of strangers on the internet, "but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. "Sorry for the incoming essay, "but I guess I need to give history. "I bought my first house in September last year.

"It was an odd time, but everything just fell into place. "It's quite a small village and everyone is really friendly, "so I got to know my neighbors soon after moving in. "Yes, socially distanced. "Then I met my over the road neighbor. "Let's call her Elle. "I can't describe it, "but it's the first time I've ever met someone. "and been lost for words and my heart was racing. "and just thought, 'Oh my god.'". - She can lift things with her mind. It's crazy. - I saw her squish a bug with her bare hands. "So after I blushed my way through a welcome.

"to the village type convo, "we only saw each other for a wave and a hello. "for a few days. "To help kind of settle in, "I had my dog Bee with me for the first few weeks. "During this time, "there was a massive increase in dog thefts. "in a nearby town, not just from gardens, "but literally wrestled away from people. "If I'd been working, furloughed off and on since March, "then I would've taken Bee back to Mom's. "But since I was home with her all day, she stayed. "So the local police advised us not to walk dogs alone, "but we go out twice a day,

"a 10K run in the morning. "and a few miles walk in the evening. "Obviously this scares me, "but at the same time, she's honestly a pain in the arse. "and gets upset if she doesn't go for a run. "and needs to be tired out. "so I'm kind of stuck at this point. "Then along comes Elle. "She knocked on the door. "and offered to come with us as she'd seen Bee and me. "in the evenings, "and everything kind of spiraled from there. "I told her about my morning runs, "but she didn't really bite, so I thought nothing of it. "Then a few days later I bumped into her on a run, "so she started joining us on those too.

"A few months later. "and we are spending more and more time together every day. "It has now progressed to a run early morning, "afternoon coffee, dinner most evenings, "and then the evening walk. "It just seemed to happen without me really noticing. "I didn't read into things that much. "as I don't want to get my hopes up and ruin anything. "until another neighbor commented. "about how much time we spend together. "and how it's nice to see you young gals getting on. "and winked. "She actually winked at me. "I asked her what she meant, "but she just laughed and said, 'You know what I mean.'. "So now I'm looking back on things.

"and wondering if she could like me too. "Here's some reasons why she might like me.". How obvious do we think these are gonna be? - I think it's-. - She kisses me on the mouth and touches my boob. (Shayne laughs). She might like me. - We are engaged, and we live together. - Do you think she's gay? - Do we think she's gay? Okay, "Here's some reasons she might like me. "I went running along the same route at the same time. "for nearly two weeks before I happen to run into her. "a few days after I told her this. "I make her a coffee every afternoon,

"Elle is work from home, "and take it over in her favorite mug. "She says I make good coffee, "but I'm pretty sure I saw a fancy coffee machine. "the first time I went round. "It's not there now? "Elle carried on running and walking with me. "even after Bee went home. "I told her she was going back to Mom's, and she said, "'Well, I'll have to make another excuse to join you.'". - Aw. - "And then we just carried on every day. "She has tried really hard to bond with Bee. "Bee is a very anxious dog. "and is scared of everyone except me and Mom. "Elle bought special treats to give her every day.

"and has been so amazing with her. "and never tried to force anything. "When I asked her, she said, "'It's important to me that she likes me. "'and is comfortable.'. "Bee actually fell asleep between us on the sofa yesterday, "and it just makes my heart skip a beat, guys. "She invited me to the Zoom quiz she does. "with her friends every fortnight or so. "and they were all like, "'Oh, so this is who we've heard so much about.'". - Oh my god. - Right, right. - "We realized we had become each other's support bubble. "Elle asked if I was meeting anyone else and I said no.

"She said she was glad she had me all to herself.". Okay. - Okay. (Shayne laughs). All right. - "We gave each other quite personal Christmas presents, "like it actually made me tear up. "It meant so much to me. "And she bought stuff for Bee. "Reasons why she might not like me. "All the reasons above, "but that she's just doing them. "because she's a (beep) great person and we're friends?". - Okay. - All right. - All right, lady. - "It might sound dumb, but I don't know. "I need your help, guys. "She is just the most incredible person I've ever met,

"and I really, really like her. "But if she isn't gay or doesn't feel the same, "I don't wanna lose her friendship. "as she has become such a huge part of my life. "I genuinely have no experience with these kinds of things. "as I went to quite a strict all girls school. "So it's not as if there were any relationships. "around me as a teen. "And then I went to a very small university, "eight of us on my course.". Wow. - Golf course university. - Yeah, golf course university. "I guess another reason is that I've struggled with anxiety. "and depression for the past 10 years as well as my weight. "and working on my self-confidence.

"But I can say that right now I am the happiest. "and healthiest both mentally. "and physically I have ever been. "I've only just really become comfortable. "with the fact that I'm gay, "and I've never really told anyone in real life, "but I don't think people would be too surprised. "I don't have any close friends. "as no one stuck around when I was really struggling. "with my mental health a few years ago, "so I can't discuss this with anyone in real life. "So I need your advice. "How do I find out if she's gay? "And no, I don't have the confidence to just ask. "What if she says no and I ruin everything?

"She has never mentioned anything about past relationships. "and I'm pretty tactless, "so not sure how I could naturally slip it into the convo. "Like, hey, tell me, have you ever had a girlfriend? "Do you want one now? LOL. "And how can I make a move without really making a move. "so I don't ruin things?". - That's the worst position to be in. - It's a pretty tough. This is layered. So she's never actually came out to anyone in real life. So that's tough. - Also, like, okay, so a lot of comments that I see.

or just I'll see a lot of things that are like, "Chanse always takes the devil's advocate side, "blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.". No, hold on now. (Shayne laughs). There's really important, it's called critical thinking number one. and critical reading. Who is writing this? - Uh-huh. - Why are they writing it? And what is their point of view? And what do they have to gain or lose from writing this? That is a really important thing to look at, especially in these days on the internet. where it's like, is this true? Where is this coming from?

Why is it coming to me? Why am I being served this? And what are they trying to do? So we have to look at the author's point of view, 'cause history is written from the winner's perspective. most often. or whoever's writing it down is telling the story. - Yeah, yeah. - So there's always things and pieces of information. that they can spin or tell us, and we don't often get to see the other side of that story. - [Shayne] Right. - So a lot of times when I'm on here I'm thinking, why are they saying it this way?

What are they trying to do? And are they telling the truth? Most of the time I'm just like, yes, they're telling the truth. But that's a dangerous thing. to just assume everyone's always telling the truth. - And she's telling her truth. Her perceived truth. - That is exactly the point I'm making. She is telling us all of these things. that she's seeing about this amazing person. I'm saying this from firsthand experience. I have been in her position where I'm like, they have to like me, right? They're doing this, they're doing this, they're doing this.

And I will say about this time, 2021, was our social circles were pretty compact, especially with who we get to see in person every day. - True. - Exactly. - And I'm saying this because in this same scenario, I had a person that I was like, "They have to like me. "We are spending breakfast, lunch, dinner together. "We are doing every social thing together. "We met each other's parents. "Like, we do all these things.

"Like, they have to like me.". And then they didn't like me. So I'm coming from this. I'm like, oh, you idiot, of course they do, but she's telling it from how she's seeing it. because she has confirmation bias saying it that way. - She's also inexperienced in that world of dating. - That 100% too. - And she's 23. - Yes. - And then you add on top. that she's never actually been in a relationship. with someone of the same sex. - And you add COVID on. where it's like you're gonna click to one person,

two people, three people, and spend all your time with them anyway. because you're trying not to get COVID. - It's also a tough thing of like, are people allowed to just be really good friends? Like, are they allowed to become good friends? - No. - Like, you know, without it being like, oh, well they're clearly into each other. - And sometimes when you do cross that boundary. or cross that line, I guess it is a boundary. You rub against someone's boundary. when you are trying to push it forward. But it should be, I think it should be allowed. to want more from a relationship, but it also can be allowed to sit in a relationship.

You don't have to have more or want more. - Yeah. - But I think she loves her. (everyone laughs). All of this to say-. - I think they're in love. - If I had to place a bet, sure. But it's high stakes. - It is high stakes. - At a high stakes table, so placing a bet is really scary. - And yeah. - But also I would say to OP, like she's putting a lot of pressure on herself. It's like, if your neighbor is gay and she's also into you, like it's also on her to express something to you too.

- That's true. - She's in the same exact position as you are potentially. Okay. so if you're in OP's position, how would you go about broaching this? I am really bad at these types of things. Like, historically. Now you add a layer that I can't relate to of being gay. Right? And being a lesbian. Like, I don't know how that goes, but... - Well, as lesbians... - [Shayne] As lesbians. - Okay, I'll tell you my firsthand experience.

I tried to do this. And I was thinking about it for months. How do I get past this point? And there's also something beautiful, I'm gonna say it again, there's something beautiful about, it doesn't have to be a romantic type of love. You can continue loving this person in a non-romantic way, and they can sit just like that in your life. But I tried to set up, I was thinking about it for months. I'm an overthinker. And I was thinking about it. And I was like, I tried to set up like a really. like organic romantic situation. where I could just kind of like softball pitch the feelings.

and be like, "Would you ever consider dating like me? "Like, I feel like we do so many things. "like already dating wise.". And it went so poorly. - Really? - It went so poorly. At first it was just like, "Oh. Um... "I guess I haven't really thought about it.". And I almost felt gaslit. I was like, there's no way you haven't thought about it. And then it was like, like we kept talking about it.

and then that day was fine and the next day was like... - Weird, right? It gets weird. - Super weird. It was like they slept on it and it was super weird. And then it was like, kind of like... It was not a denial, but it was like, you're not crazy, but like you've pushed things too far. And I was like, whoa, whoa. I was just soft balling the pitch. Nothing was different. - Can I ask, was this someone who was saying like, they're not into you or that they're not gay?

- I've had the they're not gay before, but they're not into me. - They're just not into you. - So this person was gay? - This person was gay. This is a situation that you thought like, oh-. - So then how do you bridge the gay-. - And they're just not. - Yes. I see. - So she has two possibilities. She doesn't know if she likes her. and she doesn't know if she's gay. But you were in a situation where you knew someone was gay, but were they into you or not. They weren't. So it's almost interesting that her neighbor might be gay. and also just might not be into her.

- And not into her. Just because she's gay doesn't mean-. - There's two things going on. - Yes. - And it is scary. - It's scary. - Because you can have gay friends. - Yeah, absolutely. - You're like, "What?". Like, no. - I hate you guys. - Oh, what? - Not a fan of you two. - He's like, "You think we're friends?". - Sorry, these past many years, I think you've been confused. (Shayne laughs). - That's hilarious. - Friendship does not win. Ever. - Oh, that's true.

- Shayne. Oh wait, did you wanna talk. about how you would bridge the gap, Tomey? - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. - I haven't really had a specific thing. I've had like little things. Usually just like, I'm like, "Hey, are you gay?". And usually they're like, "Nah.". - 'Cause I think the easier conversation is, "Are you into me," rather than, "Are you gay?". - Interesting. - 100%. Because what if this is her one woman she's into. and she doesn't identify as gay, but she's into this woman. - Fair. - And then you cover the gay thing if you say, "Are you into me?". Yes, I'm into you.

- Then the gay part doesn't matter. - The gay part doesn't matter. - Doesn't need to matter. - And if you just don't assume everyone's straight. all the time, then you don't even have to have the gay conversation. - You guys need to stop assuming everyone's straight. - But I mean there's a straight invisibility. Everyone assumes everyone is, or a lot of people assume the default is straight. That's not the default. - Mm-hmm. - That was so progressive of you. - Thanks. - Wow. Way to go. - Yeah. (crew laughs). - Two strings now. - They were always two strings. - Okay, guys, Chanse's strings have split into two.

The fidget strings are now two. - This episode of "Reddit Stories" is also sponsored. by Rocket Money. Let's face it, finances are stressful no matter who you are. I know I've avoided opening up my banking app. just because I was scared to see. how much I spent on subscriptions this month. But Rocket Money is here to help relieve that stress. Rocket Money can track and cancel unwanted subscriptions. with only a few taps. It has saved $880 million for users so far. And when I cancel my subscription. to get my daily dose of big cheese,

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and make sure nothing is slipping by me. Rocket Money is a personal finance app. that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com/pitreddit. That's rocketmoney.com/pitreddit. Rocketmoney.com/pitreddit. Now back to the show. So we have some comments here. - They're gay. - Someone started off by screaming, they said, "Ah! "Honestly judging by what you wrote, "I'm pretty sure she's into women and into you,

"especially considering your neighbors. "and friends' reactions. "I'm a woman loving woman myself. "and I know this type of scenario can be so nerve wracking. "If that's your style, "maybe you could wear some pride accessories around her. "or mention some LGBTQ+ book, movie, show.". (everyone laughs). I think that's all-. - I'm picturing like-. - The Target. - [Shayne] Wearing a shirt. that says, "I'm gay.". - Yeah. I'm gay. I said Target. Maybe you said-. - That's exactly what I was thinking. I was like the Target pride line. - Wearing a (beep) rainbow cape. - Isn't it the Target pride line from like two years ago?

'Cause didn't they like-. - They stopped because they got scared, yeah. - But it was... - I mean, it should have stopped. - God, I wish I would've got some of it. If you have Target pride merch, I will give you a PO Box. - Some vintage Target-. - I want some vintage pride merch. - Vintage Target pride merch. Incredible. - Progressive. - Wait. - And everyone wanted it to stop, but not the way they did. They managed to stop in a way everybody hated. - Yep. - Okay. I'm laughing at, "I'm gay. Are you?". - Are you?

- Just like, "Oh sorry, this is my cousin's shirt.". - Do you like this or... - Do you agree? Okay. "You could wear some pride accessories around her. "or mention some LGBTQ+ books, movies, show. "that you liked a lot. "If it's not too obscure and she's into women, "chances are she's seen/read/heard of it too. "and gauge her reaction. "Sorry if this isn't much of a help for you. "Either way, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. "Keep me updated. "I love love stories.".

Do you watch "Heated Rivalry"? Don't you wish that was two women instead? - Do you like Rosie O'Donnell? (everyone laughs). - Not Rosie. - OP responded to that saying, "I like this suggestion. "I feel like I could bring that. "into conversations fairly naturally. "Thanks. "My only worry then. "is if I still don't get a clear response. "But I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get into it. "When I get to it.". Someone else said, "Why don't you ask if she has any special plans. "for Valentine's Day.

"and then kind of work your way in from there? "It's a super light topic. "and an easy way to see if there's someone else. "or she'll suggest you two to hang out.". OP says, "I mean, we are in a countrywide lockdown, "so I'm not sure what special plans she could have. "to be honest, "although I guess I could kind of joke about it.". - You guys, have you ever done Valentine's Day? I've done a Valentine's Day with a friend that I was into, and it is agony. - Oh, that's rough. If you don't know the situation. - That's not, yeah.

- That's why I'm like, that is not a good idea. because it is gonna be. like a friend's Valentine's Day thing. Galentine's. - Galentine's. - And then she's not even gay and you're like, you split this whole thing. and then you build up this narrative in your head. - That's a humiliation ritual on the mend right there. - 100%. - Wow. - And then that will scar you for Valentine's Day. for years to come. - But do it. - But you know what, go for it, girl. - Okay. Update. (Tommy gasps). - Little? - I really want this to work out.

I really want this to work out. - Me too. - "Okay, guys, thank you so, so much. "for all your support and encouragement. "You've all given me a lot to think about. "I think I'm going to casually slip some gay stuff. "into conversations.". - Nice. - [Shayne] "See how she reacts.". - Hell yeah. - "Then bring up the neighbor's comments. "like some of you suggested, "seeing as though the neighbor. "was heavily implying that we're gay. "I'll do it tonight, "otherwise I'll talk myself out of it again. "I will post an update to let you know what happens. "Eek. "If you never hear from me again, "assume it went badly and I'm consoling myself with cake.

"and watching 'Brokeback Mountain' in floods of tears.". Okay, so she's gonna go up to her and just be like, "Ah, what do you think about this carabiner I've got? "It's pretty cool, right?". Like, twirl it around. - That was awesome. - Enough of your bits, Shayne! Give me another update. (everyone laughs). - Okay. Update number two. - Yes, yes, yes, yes. - [Shayne] This is the real update. - Please. Please. - "Hi, Reddit. "Yes, it's me, the useless lesbian.". Damn, OP. "Hi, Reddit, yes, it's me, the useless lesbian. "First off, I want to thank you all for your support,

"encouragement, and advice and the undeserved awards. "I never expected this many of you to take the time. "to comment and that so many of you were rooting for us. "So I had the plan to drop these gay hints. "into convo like you guys suggested, "but honestly, it all went out the window. "Elle was kind of stressed Friday after a shitty work Zoom. "and just needed to vent, "so it wasn't the right time to start anything, "though I guess I must have been a bit off. "thanks to spending all day overthinking things here, "as Elle turned up Saturday morning, "rambling about stressing me out.

"and apologized for ruining dinner. "Obviously, I said, 'What are you talking about? "'You can talk to me about anything.'. "And she said, 'Anything?'. "And I said, 'Anything,' back. "And, guys, the tension was unreal. "Staring at each other. "and hoping our lesbian mind reading powers would kick in. "Then there was some loud noise, "like a car backfiring or something, and the moment went. "So I went to make coffee, "and then Elle asked me. "why I was a bit quiet the night before. "and I said something about overthinking stuff. "and she said, 'What stuff?'. "And I don't know, you guys. "I wasn't prepared to be put on the spot.

"My casual gay pop culture references were useless. "at that moment. "My mind just went completely blank. "and I forgot every single thing you guys suggested. "and my heart was pounding. "and I just blurted out, 'You know I like you, right?'". - Good. - Good. - Good. - "And then...". (Tommy gasps). "She kissed me.". - Yes. - Oh, got chills. - "Kissed me. "We straight up just snogged in the kitchen, "and it was (beep) great.". - Snogged gross, but yes. - Hey, she said arse before.

- Being lesbians, cool. Being British, no. - Not on my watch. - I draw the line there. - That's a lifestyle choice. - Get your fiddled mash. away from me or whatever the hell you're eating. Lesbian's fine. But once you got gravy on shit... - "So you were right. "You were all (beep) right. "She's gay. "She likes me and has been trying to drop hints. "for nearly five months. "Sigh. "We were both just too scared to make a move. "or ruin anything. "Turns out she's been burned by straight girls in the past, "so she's pretty wary. "and was hoping I'd straight up say I'm a lesbian,

"so she'd know for sure. "Maybe the 'I'm a lesbian' wall hanging. "would've been a good idea after all. "Her friends have been helping her drop hints. "She showed me the group chat. "And, guys, their suggestions range from flirting more. "to just turning up in a trench coat and nothing else. "LOL. "Also, the winking neighbor has been making comments. "to her as well, "so shout out to her for trying to make this happen too. "So no cake and cry watching 'Brokeback Mountain.'. "Just five months of dating to catch up on. "As for worrying about how our current schedule.

"could be more date like during lockdown, "you are right, it's kind of irrelevant. "when you've essentially been dating the whole time, "though we never made it to our morning run yesterday. "In fact, we didn't leave the house at all.". Ha. Nice. - Wow. - They're (beep). - Incredible. - "Thank you guys for giving me hope, "even if all your suggestions completely disappeared. "at that moment. "Maybe I'll show her the post later. "and ask if any of the suggestions would've worked.". - Aw. That's beautiful. - That's really cute. - And then she's like, "You're a Redditor?". - She's like, "I'm out.". - Get me outta here.

- Done. - That's sweet. I'm glad that ended like that. - That was very sweet. Very sweet. - Aw. - Okay, moving on to our next story. Comes from Am I The Asshole. "Am I the asshole for buying my girlfriend vanilla shampoo?". - Yeah. - Is she allergic to vanilla? - Yes. You're the asshole. Why did you do that? - Next story. - Moving on. - Moving on. - "My girlfriend uses a few different types of shampoo.

"and alternates between them. "One of them, a vanilla scented one, is my favorite. "She asked me to pick up some things for her at the store, "and on my way to check out, "I saw the vanilla shampoo and grabbed that too. "When I got back to her apartment, "she started putting away the things I bought. "She was confused by the shampoo and asked me why I got it. "I said that I saw it and knew she uses that kind. "and grabbed it for her. "She said she wasn't running low on shampoo. "I said, I know, but it doesn't expire. "and that one is my favorite. "I teasingly said that she should use it. "if she's planning to wash her hair tonight.

"She asked what I meant by it being my favorite. "I said I like the way it makes her hair smell like cookies. "She looked a little weirded out. "I asked her if she was okay. "She said it was weird that I sexualized her shampoo. "I said, smelling nice is sexy. "I asked if she thinks I'm sexier. "when I use nice smelling soaps and deodorants. "She said, not really, "as long as I don't actively smell bad. "I said, maybe it's different for everyone. "She said, honestly, it bothered her that something. "as mundane as shampoo was sexual to me.

"She asked me if someone else smelled like vanilla, "would I be attracted to them? "I said no, that she was misunderstanding me. "She asked me to clarify, "but I don't think I did a good job. "I said, I specifically liked the smell on her, "not other people. "She still seemed put out. "So I headed home to give her space. "Was I an asshole for buying the shampoo. "and telling her I like when she uses it? "To me, that's not weird, "but maybe that's because I'm a guy. "Is there a layer to this I'm not seeing?". - You getting horned up in the spice aisle, pig?

(Shayne laughs). - Saffron. (moans). (Tommy moans). Okay. As we were talking about before-. - Yes. - With every Reddit post it's like, all right-. - This is one side. - We're opening the door into a relationship. that's probably been going on for a long time. - Yes. - I feel like big crazy things happen in relationships. and people don't talk about it, and then it's the little tiny thing that happens. that suddenly it blows up, right? There was Lotion Man back in the day. This is now shampoo guy.

This is similar thing. On... This is from his perspective. - On paper... - It does come across as like, oh, she's finding a reason to be upset. to like get outta this. That's what it reads to me. - The hunch is, if we're gonna try and find the other perspective, is maybe he's like overly sexualizing her often. - That's what it sounds like. - She's a little tired of all of the sexualizing and so-. - And the window into that conversation for her is-. - Was the shampoo moment. - Yeah. There could be a lot more information on this one to come.

Verdict, not the asshole. Comments. "I would've thought it was sexy and cute. "You're not the asshole at all. "The most romantic thing my husband did for me. "was buy me a personal pizza with olives on it. "because I told him I like it, "but hadn't ordered one in a years. "because I just eat what everyone else likes. "and they don't like olives. "We were talking about something else. "and I just casually mentioned it as an aside. "Three weeks later, I came home. "and it was sitting on our kitchen island. "with a heart drawn on the box.

"It wasn't the pizza, "it was confirmation that he was listening to me. "and not just paying attention to his phone. "Being attentive is important.". OP said, "I thought I was being sexy and cute too. "She's my first real relationship, "so I acknowledge that I'm inexperienced here, "but I thought it was a very innocent way to flirt. "It's not like I bought her underwear.". Yeah, I guess we don't get to know. how long they've been dating. But either way, if I heard this story, I'm just like, oh, so you guys-. - Something's wrong there. - This is bad. - Yeah.

- 'Cause yes, I agree. Like, in a normal healthy relationship, this would be normal. - Yeah, that wouldn't be something. - Yeah. And it's like the whole idea of cologne and perfume, it's like, the smell can absolutely be sexy. - Yeah. I feel like it's one of the most, like, common-. - Known common things. - The vibes. - You're wearing my favorite cologne, like I'm wearing your favorite like perfume. It's interesting. Someone said, "Not the asshole. "What on earth?

"You did something nice. "She should have said, 'Thank you.'. "My husband comments if he likes my perfume. "She presumably buys the vanilla scented shampoo. "because she also likes the smell. "Making it out like you're some weird freak. "for also liking the smell is wild. "It's like she was looking for something to fight about.". Yeah. OP said, "Yeah, I don't get it. "Liking certain smells is normal, right? "Isn't that the point of scented things and perfume? "It's not a creepy thing to like.". - And see, then hearing everyone dog pile. and mob mentality this woman. who we didn't get her side of the story at all,

it's like, well, what did the conversation sound like. from her point of view and when else is this happening? - Sure. I mean, that is the tough thing. - What is he asking of her on a regular basis. that might get her to do that? - Yeah, I would say this goes one of two ways for me. It's like either we find out that, oh, he's been doing a lot. He's been pushing, like he's been saying, do these things, whatever. I'm not of that camp believing that. Like, yeah, he said, oh, use this shampoo tonight. Which is like, okay, like maybe there's a lot of that going on.

What it does also seen is like she wants. to end this relationship. and she's trying to find a way to do it. I won't be shocked if we read an update, and it's like, oh, she's cheating on me, or whatever. - Sure. - There's that too. Update. - Okay, good. - So here we go. - [Tommy] All right. - I (beep) her shampoo. (Shayne laughs). - "So yesterday my girlfriend didn't like it. "that I took it upon myself to buy her vanilla shampoo. "when I was picking some things up for her at the store.

"We met up at her apartment again this morning for breakfast. "and I asked if we could talk about our boundaries. "and expectations. "because I never want to make her feel uncomfortable.". - Okay! - Okay. - So I'm having a hard time believing. that he's in the wrong. "She agreed that we should talk. "She said that when she visited her family. "over winter break, "she had time to think about our relationship. "and talk to her parents and sister about me. "She said that space and perspective. "made her realize some things. "The first thing she realized is that she isn't happy. "that we always meet at her apartment.

"I said, I completely understand this. "and that she is welcome to come hang out at mine. "When we first started dating, "she didn't want to visit my apartment often. "because of my four roommates, "but things changed and I get that. "She still doesn't want to hang out at my apartment. "because of my four roommates though. "She said that my living situation is too crowded. "and it bothers her. "I asked if she wanted me to move, "and she said she would like it if I made a commitment. "to finding a new living situation by the next semester. "Since the next semester is a long way off, "this isn't unreasonable, but I was hesitant.

"I really like my living situation. "My friends and I help each other out a lot. "I don't necessarily want to live alone and it is expensive. "She can afford to live alone, "but I don't necessarily think I could. "I explained that I didn't think I could afford it. "She suggested I ask my parents for money, "which isn't an option. "She also pointed out that I have a part-time job, "but that doesn't make me enough money to pay. "for my own apartment. "I asked if me spending too much time at her apartment. "was the only issue. "'cause I felt like there was more to the shampoo thing. "She said yes, that she didn't like that.

"She said she didn't like the idea. "that I'm constantly thinking about having sex with her. "and that it made her feel disrespected. "I said, I'm not constantly thinking. "about having sex with her. "I told her it's more that I really like her. "and sometimes she does things and I think they are sexy, "but that doesn't mean I necessarily want to have sex. "at that moment. "It's just my internal monologue going, that was sexy. "That wasn't the right way to explain it. "She didn't seem to understand where I was coming from. "She asked me what was going through my head. "when I was at the store. "and if I was thinking about having sex with her.

"I said, I was thinking about the store, "the items I needed to buy, inflation, et cetera, "and then I saw the shampoo. "and I thought about how she uses it. "and it makes her hair smell amazing and I bought it. "She asked if I specifically thought. "about the way her hair smelled the last time we had sex, "and I said yes, "but it wasn't like I had a full sex fantasy in the store. "It was momentary thought. "She said that it isn't normal and I might have Tourette's. "or ADHD or OCD. "or some other condition that causes intrusive thoughts.". Dude, break-. - Just break up. My god.

- "I'm really glad I made the last post. "because I was worried about what she said. "But then I remembered all the commenters. "that mentioned also feeling the same way about scents. "I told her I post about our conversation. "in an anonymous online forum. "and several people feel the same way I do about smell. "I said, I think it is normal to feel that way about scents, "but maybe it isn't ubiquitous. "She said it isn't normal. "and I might want to talk to a doctor. "about potentially having hypersexuality. "Between her not liking my living situation. "and her not liking that I'm attracted to her smell, "which is probably my fault.

"because I wasn't doing a good job of explaining things, "I realized we just weren't compatible. "I told her I thought maybe we had different needs. "for a relationship and maybe we'd be better off as friends. "She said she was disappointed in me, but that she agreed. "We hugged it out. "I'm a little bummed, "but we were only dating for four months. "Thanks for being my normalcy barometer. "since I don't have one for relationships yet.". Okay, yeah. - Good. - Jesus Christ. Her being like, "You need to move out.". And him being like, "I can't afford that.". She's like, "Ask your parents for money.".

I'm like, oh, she's so naive. - Yeah. - She's not in the real world yet. - Just ask your parents. Eh... - Oh, just get money. - Yeah. - Just get more. - Just get more money. What are you doing, you stupid idiot? Only four months too. - You have Tourette's. What the (beep)? - Something's fucked up. You're fucked up. - And you're a doctor? - Yeah. She's like, "No, it's not normal.". She diagnosed him with Tourette's, ADHD, and hypersexuality. - [Tommy] Right. - Holy shit bro. - She's like, "I'm pre-med. I know.". - Yeah. Good god.

- Also, four months. That was a fun twist at the end. - If someone's telling you to change your living situation. and is diagnosing you with things-. - In four months. Get outta there. - Get out. - I'm glad that ended that way. - Update number two. - Oh. - I don't need this. - They broke up. He broke up with her, but-. - He's like, "My new girlfriend's a cookie. "and she smells amazing.". - I'm dating a cookie. Look, I won't lie, sometimes I've seen a cookie, I'll be like, okay. - Shayne. - We could date. - Read the update. - But then I eat them.

- Listen. The cookies that have like the circle of frosting on. and they're kind of like, they feel like they're made of Play-Doh. - I know what you're talking about. - Those low-key hit. I'm gonna be honest. And I would low-key hit the cookie. - Okay. - Okay? (chuckles). Read the update. - The only problem, if I bite into a cookie and it is too crunchy, too hard, I'm out. - Really? You're anti Tate's. - I love like a soft chewy-. - Me too. - If it's soft chewy, hell yes. - Guys, it's 2026-.

- Who likes a hard cookie? - Okay, wait, I'll tell you something. - I like a hard cookie! - [Shayne] No. - I'll eat any cookie. - Wrong! - I have something to admit. - [Tommy] Oh. - I prefer (laughs). - Okay. - That was crazy. - Okay. - I prefer oatmeal raisin to chocolate chip cookies. - Chanse-. - I don't think that's controversial. - Chanse, me too. - [Shayne] I don't think that's controversial. - Oh! - I think an oatmeal raisin cookie is delicious. I actually love so many flavors of cookie. as long as they're on the softer side. - Okay. - A soft oatmeal raisin cookie.

- Fuck a sugar cookie. - No, I love a sugar cookie. - Fuck a sugar cookie. - I love a sugar cookie. - I need flavor some. flavor up in that bitch. - I don't know if I've had a cookie that I'm like, I don't like that flavor. - Sugar is just like sweet. - It's delicious. - Yeah. And I'm a little animal. - Kind of got that light, light sugary thing going on there. - All right, read the (beep) update. - Update number two. "I broke up my girlfriend three weeks ago. "and have been on a few dates since then. "She texted me a few hours ago. "asking to give us another shot.". Oh, of course. - No. - "If it wasn't for all the feedback you guys gave me,

"I probably would've taken her up on the offer. "Keeping in mind what she said about me, I turned her down. "She said she noticed some alarming patterns in me. "and that she might have overreacted. "I told her I understand it and that it's okay, "but I'm interested in dating some more. "She said, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. "and we know we are compatible. "I disagreed with her and said we aren't actually compatible. "because of the housing situation. "She said, she is willing to give me another shot. "and if we work out in six months to a year, "we can move in together. "I still said no.

"I definitely would have agreed. "before I read all your comments, "so yeah, thanks again. "I have a couple of dates scheduled for this weekend. "First and a second. "Wish me luck.". Damn, dude. - You don't gotta go that fast, but... - Okay, good for you. We get it. Not surprised. - How many months had it been? - They were only dating for four months. and now it was been three weeks since-. - It's almost a month later. - It takes half the time. - Yeah. To like get over. - Yeah, that's what Carrie said. - [Shayne] Yeah. - Yeah, that's true. - He's over it. She's just controlling as hell.

- [Chanse] Yeah. - Okay, well good for him. - Good for him. - Good for him. - Yes. - Also, when he came to the conversation with boundaries, I'm like, yeah. Boundaries and expectations conversation, I'm in 100%. - Okay, our final story comes from Am I Overreacting. "Am I overreacting? "My girlfriend left me over a cheese wheel.". So some of you watching. and listening have maybe heard this story before. because Angela was on "Two Hot Takes".

and they read this story. And Angela was talking to me yesterday and she's like, "I am so curious about your opinion of this story.". So I think this is gonna be a wild ride, so buckle up. And shout out "Two Hot Takes.". - Morgie. - For a little bit of context. OP and his girlfriend are Canadian. "I, a 27-year-old man, and my girlfriend, 26-year-old woman, "were saving for a house down payment. "I work, and she's unemployed. "I've saved about 23,000 USD,

"and she has saved roughly 3,000 USD. "So I feel like I bear the brunt. "of the financial decision making here. "I was doing the Oxford County Cheese Trail. "and found a vault release. "They were selling a 140 pound wheel of 21-year-old cheddar. "It was aged using a traditional cloth bound method. "that's practically extinct here in Canada, "and with over 21 years it is extremely concentrated. "21-year-old cheddar often sells for $120 a pound. "The farm was selling the entire wheel for $18,500.".

That's roughly 13,000 USD. "If I cut it into 200 gram wedges. "and sell it at $60 each," $45 for us, "I can make roughly $28,000 USD. "I bought the cheese wheel and brought it home in my truck. "When I rolled it into our apartment. "at first she was excited. "When I started to explain the financials. "and investment potential, she turned sour. "She didn't yell, but expressed she wasn't happy about.

"how I spent my share of our house savings. "She's now staying with her parents. "I think she's overreacting. "because she doesn't understand the Canadian housing market. "Our savings is not enough for a down payment. "without a ridiculous mortgage, "and we need to take these opportunities. "Am I overreacting. "or am I the only one with ambition in our relationship?". - Cheese? - Cheese. So let me re-look at this math. So he bought it for-. - 18,000. - He bought it for 18,000, and he's hoping he can sell it, he can make 38,000.

So he's hoping he can make $20,000 in Canadian cash. - He's gonna turn this cheese around and make a big buck. - Yeah, he's-. - How big is the wheel? - It's 140 pounds. - That's like half a guy. - Yeah. - You're rolling in a fuckin'-. - That's a whole guy. - That is a whole, you're right. That is a whole guy. - Depending on the type of guy... It's a lot of cheese. But now he's gotta go about selling all this cheese.

- Right. - And that's tough. - Where you gonna go? - You gotta find. interested buyers. - Knocking on doors? - It's just like... - Door to door cheese. - He's not gonna make all that back. You're not gonna sell all that product. I've watched "Breaking Bad.". This stuff isn't easy. - No. And people want meth more than cheese. - Yes. - People want meth more than cheese. - Yes. - And that's the takeaway. - He's on a corner and he's just got a big wheel of cheese. People are like, "Yeah, okay, do you have cocaine?". - Yeah, he's got a trench coat, it's really lumpy. (Shayne laughs). - He's not in the cheese industry.

He seems to have no background in understanding cheese, nor being a salesman as far as we know. He took a huge leap and dropped almost $20,000. - On cheese. - On cheese. No, if I'm her, I'm pissed off. - 100%. - And he starts this off by being like, "Well I have a majority of the savings.". It's like, well one, not anymore, but two, it's like, no, you guys are saving up to buy a house. together. - Together. - Your savings are your savings. - [Tommy] Right.

- Yes. And as he addresses the Canadian housing market is awful. Really hard to buy a house. He just made it, he set them back-. - Made it worse. - Another year or so, probably. - He did set them back. - He still has $5,000 to her $3,000. - So he's still in charge. He can still make all the decisions. - Still got a majority. - I mean, but it's like. if we're coming to the table as equals. and we're putting money for it together, I'm like, well, it's his money.

It's not a joint account. - Sure. - It's his savings account. - I would say for me, I would think of it more as like a percentage thing-. - It's like the intention. - Of what your income. And it's also just like you're a team, so it's like, okay, we're pooling our resources. - Definitely should've asked her. before he bought the cheese. - I think that's the piece. - I don't think it's a great indication that he's like, "Oh, we're saving up to buy this house together.". But he is like, "Oh, but I can spend my money however.". It's like, you guys are gonna have to change this mindset-. - It should definitely be-. - A little bit like before you go into a house together. 'Cause is this house always gonna be his house?

- Right. - Like, that resentment builds up. - That's kind of what it sounded like at first. - It's sounding like a red flag in a way. But also his impulsiveness-. - Are they married? - No, they're not married. - Does it say how long they've been dating for? - Four months. - It does not say. Four months. - Four months. - It does not say how long they've been dating together. But I think it's a huge red, the impulsiveness to like drop that amount-. - That much money. - 20,000 is a lot of money. - That is a lot of money on cheese. - On an investment on like, oh I'm gonna,

but it's like, okay, you're taking on this job. Okay. - A full-time job. Like, how are you gonna find those connects? - I know. That's a ton. - It's just like, see, you know, it's a very strange red flag. to suddenly see your partner spend all that money. on something that doesn't make sense. - And I'm not a cheese expert, but I'm like aware of-. - What? - Guys, you're not gonna believe this. I'm not a cheese expert. But he's talking about, oh, they're worth $140. They often sell for $120 a pound. It's like, yeah, that's best case scenario.

- Right. - It's a fluctuating market I assume, like anything else. - I don't know the cheese market. - I don't either, but markets fluctuate. - Yeah, I mean like Pokemon card's worth $1,000, but you put it online. and no one's buying the $1,000 Pokemon card. - Yeah. You know this guy had NFTs. - Oh 100. I forgot about NFTs. - How about that brain blast? - Remember the monkey ape thing? That was crazy. - Yep. - Jimmy Fallon was like...

- Comments. "200 grams is seven ounces. "You could get a maximum of 320 seven ounce slices. "out of a 140 pound wheel assuming zero waste. "At $60 each, that would get you $19,200, not $38,000. "Your math is totally off for one thing. "And I suspect you're going to struggle. "to find hundreds of customers willing to pay $60. "for seven ounces of cheese. "So most likely you will lose money from this venture. "That said, your money is yours to do what you want with, "but if you have a partner you are planning a future with,

"it's a bad idea to make big decisions like this. "without running it by them first.". - Exactly. - "It breeds distrust, resentment, instability, et cetera. "You're supposed to discuss things together. "and make decisions together. "That's how partnerships work. "In this case, "maybe your partner could have checked your math. "and explained how far off your numbers were-". - His math was wrong? - "And saved you. "from a costly mistake.". - His math was wrong. - His math was really bad. I'm not a good math person, but his math was really bad. - His math was wrong. - [Bailey] He's $20,000 off. - Yeah, he should have, honestly, he could have posted in a different Reddit thread.

There's the Reddit thread They Did The Math. where you can like put any sort of math question in there. and someone will respond and do the math. - Okay. He should have-. - He's the devil. He's the asshole. What is the question? - OP responded to that guy though saying, "You are dividing the 140 pounds by seven ounces, "but you are forgetting that there are 16 ounces in a pound. "So if you divide the 140 by seven, "the seven goes into 14 twice.". Okay. - And the way he said that makes me not want. to believe whatever he's saying.

- Yeah, I don't know if I'm buying this guy. Someone said, "You spent 18,500 on cheese. "with no actual plan on how you're going to recoup that. "outside of yeah, I can totally sell this. "Incidentally, your math is way off. "Selling 317 wedges at $60 each comes to 19,050, "which nets you a whopping $650. "for what will surely be weeks of work. "on the completely off chance you manage. "to sell everything.". Someone else said, "Who is going to pay $120 for a pound. "for cheese that some random person is selling.

"out of their apartment? "If I was going to spend that much, I'd want to know. "that it was stored and handled properly. "And actually do you need a food safety license. "to do this kind of thing?". OP said, "One, it's not a commodity, it's a heritage cheese. "and the value is determined by the scarcity. "You can't get this cheese from a regular retailer. "Two, I have my Ontario food handler's certificate.". Okay. Someone said, "After you cut the cheese, "how long will the wheel stay fresh?

"Can you store it appropriately to preserve it. "for that length of time?". OP said, "The cheese will not spoil. "After 21 years all the moisture has been replaced. "by calcium lactate crystals. "Once the wax seal is broken, "I will be putting it in my chest freezer.". Someone said, "How did she save $4,000 being unemployed? "Unless it was from her unemployment payments. "But he never mentioned she was getting paid unemployment. "How much does unemployment even pay out total anyways? "Maybe it was birthday/Christmas money from relatives.

"If you were to look at it as a percentage saved. "to money available or in this case earned, "she saved way more than he did. "Why was he not contributing his fair share?". OP said, "She doesn't have any overhead. "because I pay the bills, "hence why I feel that it is acceptable for me. "to make financial decisions like investing. "in high yield assets. "like the traditional cloth bound 21 year age-". - No, no, no! - "Cheddar wheel!". - Not the full title. Not the government name. of the cheese. - The full title. Oh, brother.

- Listen, I don't care. All this math in and out, I don't give a (beep). - No, I don't care either. - He's just being, he's a weirdo controlling guy. who spent all his money on cheese. and didn't even do the math right. - He's a dumbass. - He's a dumbass. - Yeah, I thought at first that it was gonna be like, oh, he bought this wheel of cheese for like 500 bucks. - Yeah. - Or something. - That's much more reasonable. - It's like, no, you dropped $18,000. If you're dropping near $20,000 on something. with the expectation you're gonna make money, you've been scammed.

- I think he deserves death. - We should kill him. - You should kill him. - I'm not like exaggerating. - He should be wrapped in a cloth and aged in the ground. - To be clear, the Redditors who, and if a Redditor responds with a detailed math assessment-. - You gotta believe 'em. - You should believe them. And he said you're at most gonna make like 600 bucks. off of this. Like, he bought this cheese at market price. He, because he did bad math, thought that he was getting it at a deal.

when actually it was sold to him at the price. that it's worth. And then he just completely fudged this. I love though, I love when the OP responds to comments, disproving them. - 100%. - I'm like, you posted on Reddit asking for responses. and then you're gonna go to war. - Yep. - I'm like, all right, man, I'm gonna be entertained by it. - He could have bought like a used car and like flipped it. and made it like a nicer car. That makes slightly more sense-.

- Yeah. - Than a cheese wheel. But still... - Truly it would've been better off. just investing the money into just an account. - Yeah. Oh, you mean not spending the money? - Or just spending not spending your money. You would have so much more money. - Yeah. - Update. - No. - Okay. - I don't need an update. - I do. - We need it. What if he got rich? - Okay, then I would like that. - If he got super rich-. - That guy flipped his cheese big. - He literally, this guy is a character. from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.".

- Yes. - 100%. - Like, this is Charlie. This is a Charlie move. "I have taken some of your feedback into consideration. "from my last post. "For those curious, "my girlfriend is no longer in the picture.". - Right. - "She cracked due to low risk tolerance. "So I've decided to go all in on the business.". She cracked due to low risk tolerance. That's... - Cheese is high risk, I'm gonna say. - High risk tolerance. "I initially tried to return the wheel to the distributor. "to recoup some capital thinking they'd have some pity. "They were actually considering it. "until they came out to look at it in my truck.

"Apparently the minor heat damage I caused. "to the paraffin wax. "while trying to open last week compromise the wheel, "which was already non-refundable in the first place. "Since I'm now stuck with a 140 pound $30,000 asset, "I had to pivot to asset protection. "and keep what I still have. "I went out and bought a true TBB 2HC 59 inch. "solid door back bar cooler, "a professional digital temperature humidity controller, "and industrial humidifier,

"a vacuum sealer, and ripening mats. "Total cost was about $8,500.". - That's all of his savings. - This man blew his money on the cheese. - On cheese. "Expensive. Yes. "But I wasn't going. "to let a $30,000 investment depreciate value.". I've started to notice that this is a thing that dudes do. and it's just if they use these certain words-. - The words, assets. - They think that they're being smart. It's like, no man. You spent money on-. - On cheese. - Cheese. - And now a cooler. Now a-. - You're depreciating value.

You're talking about the cheese is melting in your truck. - You got melted cheese in your-. - That's what is happening. - You got the inside of a mozzarella stick. all over the back of your truck. - Yeah. Stop saying asset. You have cheese. - You have cheese. It's a cheese. - Stop it. Whenever a guy comes to you, and if you have a cousin, everybody has a cousin who's probably doing this, coming at you with those words, they don't know what they're talking about. - They don't know what they're talking about. - Okay. So he's now blown all of his money.

"The delivery was difficult. "My apartment door is narrow, "so I had to take the door entirely off the hinges. "and shimmy the cooler into the living room. "I had maybe a millimeter of clearance. "between the frame and the unit. "I was exhausted and excited, "so I started researching installation on my phone. "before putting my front door back on. "That's when my landlord walked in. "Apparently he believes my door being off the hinges. "somehow removes my reasonable right to privacy. "We already have a strained relationship. "because of my own use of the unit. "He still holds a grudge.

"because I was doing some light metal fabrication. "with a consumer plasma cutter. "in my kitchen a few months ago.". - What are you doing? What are we doing? - What even is a plasma cutter? It sounds awesome. - Guys, he's starting to win me over. (everyone laughs). I'm starting-. - This guy's crazy enough. - Look, Kramer here is pretty awesome. - Literally. - He's like, "Just because there's no door and no hinges, "he doesn't have the right to look in my apartment. "that he owns.". - "He saw the cooler, the vacuum sealer,

"and the wheel of heritage cheese. "and started crying about commercial operations. "and fire hazards. "I told him very clearly, "the cheese is for personal consumption. "There is nothing in my lease. "that limits how much dairy a tenant can own.". He's lying! - That's a lie, Maury. - "The next morning I found an eviction notice. "in my mailbox. "It's riddled with spelling errors as if written in a haste. "I'm already preparing my defense. "for the landlord tenant board. "Am I overreacting?

"I'm being evicted over dietary preferences. "as far as the landlord is concerned, "and I feel like this is an unlawful action.". Edit. "I added a plus to the evaluation as it is possible. "to increase my margins. "depending on the quantities I sell in. "Also, please bear in mind that I have sold zero cheese, "so I feel like this is a premature action." (laughs). - Bear in mind that I haven't done anything. - Bear in mind this is a huge L so far. He has photos of the cheese wheel and the eviction notice. - Thank God. - When I was starting to be like, this has gotta be fake.

No, he posted photos of the cheese. - It's tiny. - No, that's 140 pounds. Maybe it's like tungsten. Maybe it's really heavy. - Wait, guys, if you're listening, you expected it to be like a six foot tall giant wheel. that you'd have to like use your hands to-. - It's tiny. - It's very compact. - This is like-. - Apparently cheese is heavy like gold. - This looks like a pouf you'd sit on in your living room. It's like a little-. - It's black. - And it's black. - That's the wrapping, that's the wax.

And then that's a receipt. - [Bailey] It's also duct taped because he tried to open it. - Oh, it's duct taped. Oh, it's-. - Yeah, that's duct tape. - He duct taped it back together. (crew laughs). Also, OP's hand is in the frame. He's got a spider tattooed on his hand and-. - [Chanse] A dagger. - It looks like a dagger. - [Bailey] The hand is because his username. is on the back of his hand. - Oh, his username is on the back of his hand. - That's awesome. - To guarantee that it's him. He wanted everyone to know for sure that this is real.

- And it's not duct tape, Shayne. He's reinforcing his assets. - Yes. He's reinforcing his assets. He's securing his assets. - Securing his assets so the margins can be quantitative. - And if he bought multiple cheeses, he would've been diversifying his assets. - Exactly. - Which is what he should have done. - That's what he should done. - Bought some blue cheese as well. Okay. This is awesome. - This is awesome. - I am so happy right now. - This guy's real. This guy's out there, and he's real. - He is among us and he votes. - And he has all this money-. - Actually this guys's never voted in his life.

- No. - This guy does not vote. - He has all this money. - How did he get all that money and then lost it-. - So fast. - And you're talking to this guy and you're like, oh, how did you blow $40,000? And he explained this. I'd been like, you should have just gone to Vegas. - Have fun with it. - His odds were better to go to Vegas and gamble it. - It's just not enough cheese for me. (everyone laughs). Like, if you're gonna buy $20,000 of cheese, I need to see some cheese. - But this is heritage cheese.

- Who cares? I want big cheese. - [Shayne] Comments. - Big bugs, big cheese. - Big bug, big cheese. - Comments. "I hope girlfriend got her $4,000 back.". OP said, "Integrity is an asset that does not depreciate, "unlike her savings, which will be eaten by inflation.". - I... I gotta punch this guy. - Bro. That's it. That's it. I thought there was more. No, that's it. That guy lost everything over cheese.

- Good, good. - Holy fudge. He truly lost his girlfriend, all of his money, and his apartment. - Over the cheese. - He absolutely destroyed his life. For cheese. - He deserves it. - He deserves it. - Yeah. - Okay, but real talk, how yummy you think that cheese is? - Oh, you know that cheese is probably so good. - Yeah. - I'm hungry for the cheese. - Talk about the crystals in there. Ooh, I had a cheddar last night. Crunch, crunch. Delish. I'm like, (whistles) maybe I'd be a customer.

- I would buy some cheese. - I'd buy some cheese at market price. - You have his handle. - Oh, I'm not gonna reach out to him. It's also been over a year. - [Bailey] This was actually this month. - Oh. This was this month. - Wait, we have to get some of his cheese. - We gotta get some cheese. - All right, we'll buy some of his cheese. - We'll buy some of your cheese. - [Bailey] Apparently he's trying to sell it online. - I'm sure he's hoping how viral this went. that he's gonna sell some cheese. - Oh, it might. Maybe this was all a ploy to sell some cheese. - Maybe he's actually so smart. - Wait, 4D chess. Four cheese.

4D cheese. - 4D cheese. Mousetrap. There's an old reference for you. Well, that's all our stories. Thank you both for joining me here. - That was awesome. That was awesome. - And thank you all for watching. We're gonna be performing "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories" live. in LA on the 6th and the 8th. That's Wednesday and Friday this week. for "Netflix is a Joke.". So we hope to see some of you there. And also we're gonna be doing a lot. of other "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories" live shows this year.

So make sure to look out for those. We're gonna be all over the place, all over the globe perhaps. So keep an eye out. Anyways, see you next week. Bye. - Bye.