Confessions Of A Redditor | Reading Reddit Stories

- Hi, welcome to "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.". I'm Shayne, and today's theme is confessions. And I'm joined by two friends who are in confession with me. What are your sins, Ian and Amanda? - I haven't touched my wife since we married, and it's been 10 years. And I like that. (everyone laughs). - Okay? - And I like that. Mm. Yeah. You like that? - [Shayne] Okay, okay. All right. - Don't know why. - My confession is that I just have way too much steez.

- Ah. - I don't like wherever that's going. And that's my confession is I'm back with Ian on this couch. (Shayne laughs). And, father, we have sinned. (Shayne and crew laugh). - Okay. - Can I be honest though? Going to confessional as someone raised Catholic. was very spooky. - I never did that. - Oh, we had to. - What was the craziest thing that you confessed to? - Oh, like, I ate meat during Lent. (everyone laughs). They're always like, "What are you gonna give up-".

- The priest just punches his arm through the-. - How dare you? - Chokes you out. - Well, whenever they go give up stuff for Lent, you go, "Okay, um, vegetables.". And they're like, "No.". - Why not? - Anyways. - Oh, sick. - Yeah. Pretty cool. - All right. Bailey has told me, I feel like this is gonna be a really good episode. - What? - I love when I have an episode, it's like, guys, these stories, pretty crazy. - I feel very grateful. 'cause I feel like I'm in a lot of those episodes, and I feel very happy. - Yeah. You are in some insane episodes. - Yeah. And you?

- And you? - No, nothing unhinged has ever happened. in one of my episodes. - No. - That's a lie. - Definitely not. - All right, so we have some stories. that have confessions in them. And our first one is a very interesting one. So stick with me on this one. It's not gonna go the way you expect. - Okay. - Here we go. This comes from Ask Reddit. So the post is actually a question that's asked, and the comments will give answers.

This was posted back in 2012. - Ooh. - This is an old one. This is a 14-year-old post. - Woof. - Okay, so he is like, "Am I the asshole for party rocking?". - Yeah! Okay. They write, "What's your secret. "that could literally ruin your life if it came out?". (Ian chuckles) (Amanda gasps). Someone commented, "I run a cake business. "I charge people hundreds for wedding cakes. "Every last one is made using Pillsbury cake mix I buy. "for $1 a box at Walmart. "I suck at baking.

"Every time I've ever tried to make a cake from scratch, "it sucked. "But baking is like my whole deal. "My friends all call me the cake girl. "It's like my whole life is a lie. "People compliment my cakes all the time, "telling me how delicious they are, "telling me it's so much better than box mix cake, "telling me they could never bake a cake so delicious. "Well, guess what? "For $1, they too can make a cake just as delicious. "Just add oil, eggs, and water. "In my defense, I love cake decorating. "I make all of the frostings and fondant from scratch.".

- Oh. - Oh. - Yeah. - "I just hate baking (beep) cakes. "I base my prices mostly on the decoration of the cakes. "and not on the cake itself, if that makes sense. "Still, no one knows about this except my husband. "Even my best friends think I (beep) slave over the oven. "mixing and baking these damn cakes. "I have been doing this for years. "If anyone knew, my business and reputation. "would be in the toilet, for sure. "I keep telling myself I have to learn. "how to make the damn cakes without the box mixes, "but I never do it. "I feel like such a sham sometimes.".

Whoa. - This person is raging out. - I can't believe myself! - My (beep) friends call me cake girl! - And I hit 'em and they're like, "Why are you angry?". - They don't even know the truth! - Maybe, maybe like... Maybe I'm off for this, but I don't really see much of an issue with that. - He doesn't think it's a big deal. And I actually kind of agree with him. - 'Cause I think like you still have to be good at baking. to get it right.

And also they're making all the fondant. and other stuff from scratch. Like... - And a cake mix. Honestly, a cake, that's the easiest part. It is the easiest part. It's just like, the eggs, the flour, sifting it, and all that stuff. - I don't know enough about baking. - It's just specific measurements of like, okay, the butter has to be like the right temp. and all that stuff, so they already did it for them. - Is there a Pillsbury wedding cake mix though? 'Cause isn't wedding cake a very specific type of flavor? - No. - Isn't it... - I thought wedding cake has like a-. - Shayne, wedding cake can be whatever you want.

It's your wedding. - I know it can be whatever it want, but like the traditional wedding cake. - [Emily] White cake? - It would just be white cake. - Yeah, but I thought like... Maybe I'm wrong. - No, no. What do you think it would be? - My mom has always said her favorite type of cake. is wedding cake. But she has said like, there's an almond type of like-. - Oh. - No, like there is, I'm saying like, it's a white cake, yes, I understand. - You could be right. - But I think like traditional. Like, I understand people can do whatever they want. - Yeah. - But I think someone like my mom. who's an aficionado of wedding cake would be like,

this would-. - She'd find her. - Yeah. - Someone might clock it. - Here's the deal though. Sounds like she's doing a bunch of fondant. and like decor on it, so they probably wouldn't even be able to taste it. - And yeah, someone like me would not clock it. 'cause like, you give me a cake, I'm gonna be like, all right. - Look, I mean-. - I'm eating it so fast. - Please do not slam any more cake. I do not wanna be there to witness it. - You're gonna look away and it's gone, like Batman. It's just in my mouth.

Anyways. - I think the Pillsbury company figured it out, you know? - Box cake is delicious. - Put probably millions of dollars into R&D, getting that box cake just right. - It's delicious. - I don't think there's anything wrong to just, you know, take a little shortcut. You know, I'm sure all my professional bakers at home. can sound off. It sucks. I'm sure it's a lot of work to make that kind of stuff. - It is a lot of work because. temperatures are everything. - Baking's hard. - Baking is really hard. And you have to be very, you cannot mess around with baking.

You have to be very specific about the ingredients. But she does all of her own fondant. That's extremely difficult. - She does what I would assume is like, I mean, I'm not a baker, but I also wanna know how much she's charging. because if she's charging, she says-. - She says hundreds. That's spooky. - She says what they're paying for is for the decoration. and all that stuff. - Yeah. - But I'm like, if this is far cheaper. than all her competitors, then I'm like, yeah, then you're... But also in your business, are you saying that you're baking this from scratch?

Are you lying? - Of course. - Then you're liable. Like, that is you can be sued hard. - I think she probably is. - I mean, I don't think, I don't know how many people. are like questioning the wedding cake maker. Like, is it made from scratch? I think they're probably looking at the photos. And I think like wedding cake is more. of like a statement piece. - I agree. - Like, there was an incident at our-. - Incident? - That sounds wrong. So we threw this big 20 year anniversary party. at the end of the year.

And we had a giant donut cake made, which I think actually YouTube brought for us. - Whoa. - Yeah. We did not know that it was a cake. We thought it was, we all thought it was decoration. And nobody ate it. Nobody cut into it. We did not know it was a cake. - No! - It was a giant pink-frosted sprinkled donut. - Why didn't I get to that table? I didn't even get to that table. Did you? - No.

- No. I was talking to too many people. - It was sitting there next to all the desserts. - Wait. - It was like the churros. - H had like a slice of cake. - And like the little treats. - There's probably other cakes there. I think there was a lot of stuff. - There was a bunch of stuff. And the donut was sitting right there. - Wait, that's so sad. - And this is like a two foot by two foot. - It was a big old donut. - Like one foot high. - Why? - Maybe two feet high, kind of like-. - Did someone take it home? - Well, I guess they gave it out to the staff. - Hell yeah. - [Amanda] Oh, good. - As long as someone had it. - But yeah, nobody knew that it was actually cake.

and nobody ever cut into it. - Is it cake? - I would've ate that. - That's also the problem is we live in an era. where anything can be cake. - That's true. - So it can be very confusing. - Bring in Mikey Day. and let's do some "Is It Cake?" right now. - Hold on. Is this... - Is this cake? - Is this cake, guys? - Try it. Try it. - Is this microphone cake? - [Amanda] Try it. - I think obviously what we're talking about. is the principle of this story. and like, it's the principle of it, of like, you can't lie. and have your whole business model based on a lie. Like, I understand you're decorating them. Just be forthright of like, it's Pillsbury cake,

but I decorate the (beep) out of it. and make it look amazing. - Yeah. - If like someone was throwing a wedding, it's actually a very smart business model, I think, 'cause everything wedding wise is so expensive. That it's like, hey, I can decorate and make a cake look amazing. It's Pillsbury cake, but I will give you at a discounted price. So you get the aesthetic, and it's gonna be a delicious cake still. And people would be like, "Hell yeah, I don't care.". - Wedding cakes are so overpriced, unless they're like epic.

- Yeah. But wedding stuff is so expensive that it's like-. - It is. - But I need to know the price of this stuff. 'cause if she is charging a lot. and it's similar to other wedding cakes-. - [Amanda] Let's ask her. - I don't think, but at the end of the day, it's basically the same stuff. It's still gonna be flour and sugar. - Yeah, but it's-. - I don't know. - I kind of get it. It's like, it's the... If she's charging a lot of money, it is kind of the principle of it. - 'Cause I don't know. Like-. - I mean, like, what do you think the catering companies. are doing for the rest of the food.

that you're eating at a wedding? - I think some catering companies are doing like good stuff. - I think it depends. But what matters is that they're honest. about what they're selling. - Sure, sure. - Really sticking with this. - Comments. - I'm trying to start my own wedding cake company. I'm like, guys, it's fine. Pillsbury. It's fine. - It's okay. - That's not just a Crumbl Cookie that I put my name on. - Yeah. Jesus. Ian. - Comments. "How does Walmart not notice you pushing a cart out. "with hundreds of boxes of $1 cake mix?".

- Whoa. - OP says, "Ha ha. "Well, I'm a home-based business, "so I usually at most am buying 10 to 20 boxes at a time. "I usually line the bottom of the cart with cake mix. "and then put all my other stuff on top, "like 10 bags of powdered sugar. "Then I use the self checkout in shame. "and stack the boxes in my black canvas shopping bags.". - Yeah. - "My worst fear is running into someone I know, "or worse yet, whoever the cake is for. "while I'm there with all these boxes of cake mix. "That's why I act all shady about it.".

- That's so funny. - Wait, she should not be going out and buying that stuff. She should send someone else to do it. - [Shayne] I know. - If she gets caught, her business is done. - This is 2012 too. This is Stone Age. - Let's ask-. - You can't order it to your house. - Oh my god. You're so right. Were cars invented? - And cars weren't around then. - Oh my god! - Still horse and buggy. - You have to bike there? - Yeah. - Wait, were bikes invented? - They were freshly invented in 2012. - They're still the wooden wheels though. They didn't have rubber yet. - The big front wheel, small, tiny back wheel. - Yeah. Penny Farthing. - Just Flintstones it there with a huge thing.

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and I loved everything they sent, and it was all healthy. You're going to love Hungry Root as much as I do. For a limited time, get 40% off your first order, plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com/pitreddit and use code PITREDDIT. That's hungry root.com/pitreddit, code PITREDDIT. to get 40% off your first box. and a free item of your choice for life. Back to the show. Someone said, "This is genius.". (everyone laughs). This is Ian commenting. "This is genius.

"If you meet someone, "just tell them that you're doing a charity bake thing. "and that you just don't have the time. "to make your normal cakes for them. "so you're getting a friend to come into your shop. "and whip up a few dozen of these. "I love you a little bit. "PM your shop and I'll order from you forever.". - Oh. Someone's flirting. - Hey. - Ian? - OP said, "Ha ha, I totally did this once. "I told someone I was buying a box mix. "because I just needed to make cupcakes. "for my niece's bake sale. "and I didn't have time to make it from scratch. "My business is small and home-based.

"I rely only on word of mouth. "And sometimes I'm overwhelmed. "by the business I get just from that. "Someday I dream of having a real cake shop. "with assistants and interns. "Sigh. A girl can dream.". - Imagine. Can I see the back of your bake shop? No! - No! - Lined with Pillsbury. - Hoo-hoo. Like, who was that? (everyone laughs). - Hey, it's that little guy. - It's that little guy. - What is he by the way? A marshmallow chef? - He's a doughboy. - He's a doughboy. He's made of dough. - Duh. Duh. - Oh. - Have you never been to a zoo? - Damn.

- Have you never seen doughboys? - No, I haven't. - Someone said, "I'm a culinary student. "and a mighty fine baker. "My baking instructor taught us that many bakers, bakeries, "catering companies, restaurants use cake mix. "And why use cake mix? "It's quite simple. "It's what we expect. "If you make a cake from scratch, "it has a totally different flavor, "different textures and other little things. "As Americans, we expect cakes to taste like boxed cake mix. "If we went to Europe, you would be shunned. "Don't feel bad. "If you can ice a cake, you have my respect.".

- Yeah. - Okay. - I love educators on Reddit. - Yeah, all right. - I love the therapists on Reddit. and the educators on Reddit. - I do think it's sad though. It's sad. And it does speak to like Americans. of like the quality of shit. - We're so gross. - Because it's like when Ireland deemed Subway's bread. not bread. - It was cake. - They're like, it's actually more closely related to cake. Like our bread, like Europe is like, "That's not bread.". - I feel so much shame right now. - Our foods are so processed in bullshit that-. - Yeah. Chocolate isn't chocolate.

- Yeah. We're living in like "Fallout.". (Ian laughs). - I'm not... Ugh. This sucks, you guys. - It's true. If people were making cakes from scratch, they'd probably get more negative reviews. 'cause they're like, "What is this?". - That's so true. - It's supposed to taste like boxed cake. - That's so true. - And like she's still putting a lot of labor into it. - Of course. - She's not like going to like a Publix. and like buying a cake. and then just like putting some decorations on a cake. You know? - Yeah. If the baker is saying that the icing stuff is hardest,

then all right. - Do we think all bakeries are using boxes? - No. Porto's can't be. That shit is too good. - Shayne. What if they are? - What box mix are they using? - Tiramisu box mix! - For their tres leches? (everyone laughs). - The three milks? - Three boxes. - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're using three boxes with a lot of milk. It's all a lie. - They're using their potato ball cake mix. - Oh, I love potato balls.

- Yeah. - We love potato balls. - Guys, nobody knows what we're talking about. outside of LA. - I know. - [Amanda] It's fine. - We can't do this. - Guys, sorry. - The next time you go to your local bakery, be like, "All right, I wanna see the back.". - Yeah. Ask for a tour. - Open it up. Let me see. - Open it up. - All right. - Cake is the best thing in the entire, what's your favorite cake? - Ooh. - Oh my god. You know what? Okay, here's an underrated one. I think it's called like German forest cake. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, so good. Cherry? - It's rich. - Isn't it cherry? Or is that black forest? That's black forest. - Oh no. Not black forest.

The German. It's like a coconut. - [Emily] German chocolate cake. - German chocolate cake. Dude, I haven't had that in, like, probably a decade. But like, dude, a good German chocolate cake, ooh. - There's not a cake that I won't eat, but-. - Really? - Hell yeah, dude. - I don't know what cakes that I don't like, but I do think red velvet. (Amanda gasps). Red velvet's hard to beat. - So good. - So good. And isn't red velvet just like-. - Yeah. - Just vanilla? - It's a lie. - [Emily] No, it's chocolate. - It's chocolate. - It's chocolate. with food coloring and cream cheese. - But like something about that food coloring.

- Red is so good. - Did you ever have the blue velvet cake at Milk? Do you remember Milk? - No. No. I love Milk. - I think the answer is I like chocolate cake. - There was this ice cream place in LA, and they had a blue velvet cake. And apparently it turned your poop green. - Hell yeah! - 'Cause it was so-. - Blue velvet, Kyle McLaughlin. - So vibrant blue. - Wow. - Like-. - Also shout out to ice cream cake. - I grew up with ice cream cake. - No. Ice cream crake rocks! - Ice cream crake.

- Ice cream crake rocks! - It's an inferior cake because like-. - Shayne, something is happening to you right now. And I don't know if you feel well, but we'll keep going on "Reddit Stories.". But are you sick? - Bad. - Ice cream crake is the best. - Ice cream crake. - Ice cream crake. - Love ice cream cake. - Okay. I'll tell you guys my favorite cake. since none of you guys (beep) asked. - Yeah, let's hear it. - Oh my god. You posed the question. - I like chocolate cake with vanilla. (laughs). - Oh! - Oh.

- Or lavender cake. I know it sounds (beep) up. - [Shayne] I've never had that. - No, that sounds good. - You love floral. - Alcove. - Alcove has a lavender? - You like lavender ice cream and stuff. - I love lavender. And ube, oh. Let's bring in the cake. - A rose, like rose or lavender-. - Can we order some cake? Can we order some cake to the-. - So good. - To the show right now? - Have you been to Mashi Malone's? - No. - Persian ice cream. Rose pistachio saffron. - Ooh. Yeah, that sounds good. - Naughty. - All right. - [Amanda] Okay. - Update.

- Update to what? The cake person? - Crake time! (laughs). - Up... - Upcrake. Upcake. (everyone laughs). - Let's get craked up! (everyone laughs). - Hey, Shayne, remember when you said you'll eat any cake? - Yeah, that was a bad statement. - That was crazy. We're gonna (beep) it up for you. - And I stand... I stand on it. - All right, cool. - I stand on that cake and I eat it. (laughs). - I actually think that you need to go home.

You stand on it. - I stand on that cake. - All right, give us the upcrake. - Upcrake. - You're calling me unwell. Look at you. - I've already accepted it! (everyone laughs). I'm totally fine with it. - All right, update from this commenter, the cake lady. - Didn't know we needed an update from this person. - Well, we do. - We've already decided we're good. - She's like, "Pillsbury is suing.". (everyone laughs). - It's three years later.

- Whoa! - What the hell? - Wait. - Wait. - Do we think they got caught? They must have gotten caught. - Wait, could this be-. - What is going I on? - What if it turns out to be Prue. from "The Great British Bakeoff"? (Amanda gasps). - She's leaving "Great British Bakeoff.". - No, 'cause this is from 2012. - This is now 2015. - Oh my god. - She could've found her career. - Tell us, is it Paul Hollywood or Prue? - We'll see. "All right, kiddos, here I am.". - Ew. - "A friend texted me and said my people need me, ha ha ha. "I guess there was a thread. "that got big and mentioned this thread. "Here's your update.

"I actually no longer make cakes.". (Amanda gasps). "I got a divorce and moved into a much smaller home.". - Oh. - "And at that point, I had no place to decorate cakes. "I was also really burnt out. "It's an incredibly hard art. "Very time consuming and requires a lot of tools and space. "About a year later, I moved in with my now boyfriend. "We have a pretty big kitchen. "I wanted to sell my equipment and tools. "and the billion giant cake pans I have. "But he convinced me not to. "He said I should keep it on the back burner for a while. "and see if I wanna do it again later. "He didn't know me when I was a decorator,

"but he saw the photos. "and told me it would be a shame if I never did it again. "I want to share some photos, "but it would be so easy to trace them back. "to my old cake blog. "Maybe I can find one or two photos. "that were never posted there.". So they posted some photos, I guess. - Oh, no. - And now we have an update from three more years later. - They're arrested and in jail in a smaller apartment. - I think at this stage I care less about the cakes. and more I hope this new relationship works out. - Me too. - She got a divorce. I was like, I didn't think about that.

- Well, the guy really wanted cake, and she said, "No more cakes.". - I'm done with cake. Okay. Update three more years later. "I have a sort of hilarious update at this point. "About a year and a half ago I was diagnosed. "with a wheat intolerance.". - [Emily] Yeah! - Okay. All right. Well... Yep. - We've got the two wheat intolerant people. in this room with us. - Less so for me now. I've beaten it. - Less so. - You've beaten it? - I beat it. - He's beat the intolerance. - I beat the wheat. - How'd you beat-. - I beat wheat two years ago. - I'm beating my wheat. every night. - Hey. No. Hey. - Sorry.

- No. - I stand on cake. He beats the wheat. - This is so... (everyone laughs). - Yeah, what do you do, Amanda? - I eat crake, okay? I love eating crake. (everyone laughs). Stop beating the wheat. - Shit so bad it went upcrake. - Oh. Up creek. - Yeah, I slowly glutened myself. - I remember you said that you're doing that. - Yeah. Yeah, I think I've beaten it. - Okay, so, Emily. - Still afraid. to eat a sandwich. - "Princess Bride". but with wheat. - Exactly. - [Emily] I'm a little different. - Yeah. - Hers is different.

- No, I think Emily's will kill her. - Yours was fake. - Emily will die. Emily will die. I'm just too strong, you know? - No, I think yours. was a lie. - Oh my god. - Okay. - Kidding. I'm kidding. Love you, Emily. - All right, hold on. They were diagnosed with a wheat intolerance. "My intestines decided they no longer. "wanted to digest wheat anymore. "Whoo! "I actually just thought I was dying for a few months. "It was really stressful. "Anyway, I can't even (beep) eat cake anymore. "I still have all of my equipment and whatnot. "I make a quick cake now and then. "But trust me, when I say gluten-free cake mixes are better.

"than anything I could make from scratch, LOL. "Here's a cute little cake I made for my birthday last year. "It's not amazing, "but it's not bad considering I rarely make cakes anymore.". They're a good decorator. - Whoa. That's a- - A cute little unicorn. - This cake is very-. - [Amanda] No, I was gonna say-. - This cake is I extremely 2017. - I mean, the unicorn right out the middle, just... What a crazy crake. (everyone laughs). - You're never gonna let me live that down. - Oh yeah. No.

- Someone said-. - Crake is forever you. - They keep writing, "I still receive so many messages on this account. "I'm sorry if I don't reply, but I never check this account. "I've got everything in that inbox. "from people trying to guess who I am. "to people giving me recipes. "to people begging me for cake photos. "and one guy who wanted a video of me eating cake.". (Amanda gasps). - Oh. - [Shayne] Yikes. - Well, new fetish unlocked. - Well, has he ever seen... (crew laughs). - [Shayne] What are you gonna say? We don't know. - Cake farts. - Oh, cake farts. Hell yeah, dude.

- "Anyhow, I'm getting married again. "Whoo. Second time is a charm. "To a dude I met on Reddit.". - Wait. - So they're getting married-. - Not the boyfriend? - Not the boyfriend. I think to a different person. - Oh 'cause he wanted cake. - A dude they met on Reddit. - Okay. - "And our wedding planner asked me. "to please not try to make my own wedding cake. "because she has seen it end. "in a stressful disaster so many times. "I'm gonna take her advice. "and leave the cake making to someone else.". And when she gets the cake, she's gonna be like, "I know this is Pillsbury.". - Yeah. Yeah. - Wait, this is a happy ending for her. - It was a happy ending.

She got away with it. - Wow. She got away with it. - She got away with it. I feel like... I don't necessarily believe in karma, but it is funny that she's like, "Okay, I'm making fake cakes. "I'm no longer allowed to eat cake.". - Yeah. - It is kind of, there's something-. - There's something kind of there. - There's something kind of there maybe. - Yeah. No more beating the wheat. - So then why did I get a gluten intolerance? - 'Cause you're just a sinful man. - That's true. (everyone laughs). - Back to confession. - Back to confession. - I guess I'll, yeah, father... - But you were absolved. - I've been beating my wheat.

- Oh God, he's brought it up again. - So he's allowed to now because he's absolved. - All right, so what do I do? - You are absolved. - Say five Hail Marys? I don't know. - No, don't do it in the mirror. Unless you want something creepy to come. - I don't know what any of this stuff means. - Or Biggie Smalls will come. - What? - Did you just make that up? - No. Have you never heard the-. - No. - I would've said it in the mirror. if I knew that was gonna happen. I thought some creepy lady was gonna come and steal my soul. Biggie's coming? (Shayne laughs). - It's a stupid... I think it's a "South Park" reference.

- Oh. - Whatever. - Producer note. There are eight more largely uneventful updates. that span across a few years leading this. to be a 10 plus year long Reddit famous thread. - Wow. - This person just keeps on posting. - Wow. They're like, "I never saw this, but I'm dating again.". - Yeah. It's like, all right. - But this time it's a Reddit mod, so, you know, moving up. - Oof. - Moving up. - Moving on up. - Maybe. - Okay. Our next story. - Whoa. That was one story. - [Shayne] That was one story.

- Okay. - This comes from True Off My Chest, and it was posted in 2022. "My wife and everyone else thinks I got laid off, "but really I quit so I could make a go. "at being a Twitch streamer full time.". Don't quit your job to do Twitch. - No. No, no. - It is a tough career path. - No, no, no. - All right. "My wife doesn't follow or know anything about Twitch. "or video games at all. "She doesn't have any knowledge of. "or connection to the industry I used to work in.

"She is a paramedic, so she works different shifts. "and does not know I stream at times when she is not home. "Her salary is enough to cover our bills, "although things will be a bit tighter. "until I start making money on my stream. "I'm not going to tell anyone. "until I'm bringing in enough money. "that I can do it full time. "I have never been happier and not stressed as I am now. "It's easy for me to lock myself in my home office. "and say I'm networking and job hunting. "when I'm really streaming. "if my wife and/or my 3-year-old is home. "If she's not working or my daughter is not at daycare,

"it's harder, but I make it work. "I feel a bit guilty for lying, "but I have wanted to do this for a long time. "No one that I know in real life knows. "Obviously posting this with a throwaway.". Ooh. - So nobody knows? He thinks that... So he's just telling people that he's like job searching, but- - He's networking. - Won't she have some questions if she's hearing him go, "Oh, boom, headshot!". - Okay, on me. On me. Okay, I'm down. - It makes me so sad that the 3-year-old's involved.

- Oh, this is really horrible. - And he said she's a paramedic? - She's a paramedic, which-. - Paramedics... - Paramedics should get paid more. But I don't think they get paid-. - [Ian] Do not. - For him to be like, "She can cover both of us.". - And a baby. And a babby. - You have a kid. Him also being like, "Oh yeah, when I start making money off of this.". - You can't hedge-. - As someone like who got, worked, has been in the entertainment industry a long time, it's like it could take a long time. before you make money off it.

- This makes me sad. because he could be a stay at home dad right now. and probably help them out a lot. Oh no, the 3-year-old's probably in school. I don't know. - But it's the fact that he's also... He is streaming. Someone's gonna catch him. Like, it's like-. - Well, nobody's gonna catch him. 'cause he has probably two viewers. - He probably has zero. I think the average- - Like statistically, yeah. - Statistically the average streamer has zero viewers. 'cause you either kinda have zero or you get a following. - So he's just playing video games? - Yeah. - I mean, he's yeah.

I mean, there's a lot of creators that, you know, they'll have like the streaming or YouTube. as like a side gig until it starts making money. - Yeah. - And then they'll leave their job. But to leave your job and start streaming. and like before any proof of like success-. - Oh my god. - Is insane. - 'Cause he didn't get fired. - No, he left.

- He quit. He said that he got fired. He quit. So he made this decision. Also, I do think if you're married also, especially if you have a kid, like you need to- - Tell the truth. - Communicate to your spouse of like, "I'm gonna quit my job.". 'Cause it's like, oh yeah. So she doesn't know that she is now the provider. for the household and is for a foreseeable future. - I hope she finds out. - And I bet he knows this is a terrible idea.

because why else would he keep it secret? - It's True Off My Chest. He literally is like, "Well, Reddit is like an anonymous thing.". But it's also like, no. - I think we've read, we've definitely read another story about a guy. who is trying to get into streaming. and like, I just think it is... People do not realize how hard it is. to break into these industries, right? Like, people clown on streamers of like, oh, it's an easy job. And it's like, think what you want. - It's not an easy job. - Think about what you want of if the job is easy or not. It is one of the hardest jobs to like get a following.

and make money off of. - I mean, at least like start a TikTok first. and then use that TikTok to market the stream. But to just be a streamer, where are your viewers coming from? - Yeah. I do get frustrated when people are like, "Oh, it's the easiest job on the planet.". I'm like, it's really-. - It's not. - There are harder jobs, right? - Sure. - But there's a lot more know-how that goes into it. 'cause like you're saying, it's like every streamer I know, they really know how to, like, you have to know marketing, you have to know like-.

- Yeah. - The know-how of all the platforms. You have to know how to put yourself out there. How to like clip things and put them. and get people's interest. You have to know what games you should be playing, what are hot right now. - Oh God. So overwhelmed for this guy. - But also, like you say, you say like there are harder jobs out there. Yes, and those jobs pay money. - Right. - Like, streaming as a job-. - Doesn't pay. - It technically doesn't pay anything. - It won't pay anything. until you are one of the biggest streamers. in which you're not even being paid really.

for like ad revenue like running on your stream. You're being paid for like brand deals and stuff mostly. - Also like insurance. Anything to help out his family. - Yeah. - Crazy. - Oh my god. - This pisses me off. - Yeah, me too. - It's also a job that has no guarantee. He could have a successful month where he's like, "I've got viewers.". And then they could go away. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like, this is not a sustainable future. - This makes me really mad because of the 3-year-old. - Yeah. Pisses me off. - And obviously the wife. - It would make me mad no matter what.

- Yeah. - If this guy was single, if I knew this guy and he is like, "I'm quitting my job to stream,". I'd be like, "You should keep your job. "and you should stream when you can.". - Well, he wouldn't be able to do this. without his wife's paycheck. - I know. And she doesn't realize she's supporting his thing. - That is upsetting. - Comments. "That's such a horrible thing to do. "You do absolutely nothing for your household. "and a liar too.". Damn. - Okay. They went harder than us. - Someone said, "You are being a really, really bad husband. "If I was your wife, "I would not care if you started making money doing this.

"because I would be heartbroken that you lied. "and deceived me, "and not over something small, over quitting your job. "The entire financial burden is now on her. "and she doesn't even know. "What if she decides to quit or gets fired? "You guys would be up shit's creek without a paddle. "Not being dramatic, but I would leave you over this. "This is insanity.". Someone said, "Yikes. "You're lying to your wife. "and putting both of your financial futures at risk. "Chances are you will never make a significant amount. "of money from Twitch. "You just won't. "For the vast majority of people,

"any kind of content creation is a hobby, not a career.". - Cha, dude. - Whoa, they're going hard. And you know what? He deserves it. - [Shayne] Yeah, man. - And the only thing, he never even expressed, like, "Oh shoot, this is all on my wife or whatever.". He's like, "I've always wanted to do this. "And I do kind of feel bad.". Like, he never really expressed remorse that bad. - I feel like, I know this is going a bit extreme, but I feel like he's not cut out to be a dad. Or to be a parent. Like, I think, you know,

you can't just make those kinds of self, it's a selfish decision. 'cause, you know, it's always been my dream. to be a streamer. Brother, you have a 3-year-old child. - You have a 3-year-old. - Like, the kid comes first. - Always. - I don't think that's a crazy take. Like, the kid should come first. Why are you pursuing your dreams. at the risk of your child's life. - I agree. Or at least like if you have a kid, you and your partner are in like a massive partnership.

and everything needs to be discussed. Everything is a group decision. - Yeah. Also, it's just, it's like, we know this guy has no viewers right now. 'cause he just started doing this and he's like, "Yeah, this is my dream.". I'm like, no, man. You just wanted to have no responsibility. and play video games in your office. - Yeah. - It's possible. - Come on, man. Like, you're not treating this like a job. - Right. - Not talking about this like a job. You're talking about it like, I just wanna go in there and play video games. - It makes me so sad that he's in a closed office. and the wife is probably like, "Oh yeah, we can't go in there and disturb Daddy.

"'cause he's working.". Oh, this like, gets me. - I know. - Let's find him. - Well, we have an update. And I think it's from a-. - An upcrake! - You're never... It's gonna be years from now. - I'm done. No, I'm done. (everyone laughs). - We're gonna be in our 60s. and we're gonna reconnect after years. and you're gonna be like-. - Reconnect? - Okay. Like-. - We're breaking up? - No, no. Maybe like I'll run, like we'll see each other in our 60s. and then all of sudden I'll be like, "Oh Amanda,". and you'll be like, "Upcrake!".

(everyone laughs). - We'll run into each other in like a, you know, Croatia. or something I guess after we broken up and reconnected. - We're both at like a restaurant. and I see you from across the way and I go, "Oh, Amanda.". - And I go like this. And that's it. - Isn't that how "Batman" ended? - Name that, yeah. - We're gonna end like "Batman.". - All I can think about is Christian Bale. And what's his name. - Why do we get up again? (Amanda laughs). Batman, begin. - Thank you. - All right, Batman. Upcrake.

(everyone laughs). All right. Update and I think it's from a good time afterwards. - Ooh. - Because he writes, "I know I'll probably get flamed, but I get it. "I understand that I am the one. "who ruined my life and my marriage. "My divorce was finalized a year ago.". - Yep. - "She found out about six months after I posted.". He let this go on for six months. - He's not good. - Hey, look, the job market's hard out there. You know, it's just, he's still really trying- - Mot a good person. - To find that job. - "I understand that I was wrong and that I screwed up. "I regret my stupidity so much.

"She left our flat with our daughter. "and went to live with her sister. "and hired a solicitor, and that was it. "Don't be stupid like me. "We've been divorced for a year, "and I found out she just started dating again. "I'm gutted. "I miss her. "I miss my daughter. "because she only lives with me half the time. "Whenever I see my wife's sister. "or other members of her family, they give me the stink eye. "I can't believe I was such a lazy (beep). "while she was out there busting her ass as a paramedic. "I understand why everyone hates me and sided with her. "I know I'll get judged either way, "but I'm posting in case anyone understands. "what I'm going through.

"and being gutted when your ex starts dating again.". - Well now I'm-. - I don't care. - Now I'm just sad. - I don't care for him at all. - Yeah, I'm just kinda like, hey man-. - I'm actually really happy that his wife was like, "Peace.". - Yeah. - I mean, I felt like it was kind of inevitable. Like, he really set himself up for failure. - You lied, man. - It's borderline like were you sabotaging your life? - Very possible. - Yeah, it's kind like, all right, man, your sob story. I'm like, what are you doing? Like, what are you doing for your daughter now? What are you doing for your own life now?

- Yeah. - I don't want to hear about how sad you are. that she's dating again. Like, that's part of divorce. You didn't care about your marriage when you were in it. - Oh, to divorce when your child is three. is really, really hard. - It's so sad. He doesn't care about his daughter. He's not talking about his daughter here. He's talking about himself. - He's like, "Damn, she's seeing someone else.". - He's like, "Ah, my life is so awful.". - That's it. That all he's thinking about. - Like, hey man, aren't you like, oh, you know what? I realize it was really stupid. Yes, I screwed up. But I really am trying to be the best father I can be. to my daughter. - Nope. - And I'm working on all this. - He's like, "This is what I'm going through.".

- I'm just like, okay, dude. Your child. - And the man that the ex-wife is now dating, XQC. (Shayne laughs). - What? - My ex-wife is now dating Caseoh, and I'm gutted. He's so funny. He has so many viewers. - Oh, Twitch streamer. - These are Twitch streamers. - No, no, no. Totally. - People that made like careers out of it. - No. Yeah, yeah, I got it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Crazy. No, I got it. Super cool. - All right.

- She's probably dating a paramedic. Come on. - Or doctor, maybe. - Oh yeah, of course. - A helicopter pilot. - Oh my god. - Okay. - And her and her daughter. are like flying over the waterfalls in Kauai, and they're like, "Oh, look at that.". - [Shayne] So cool. - She's like, "You're so awesome.". And he's like, "I love you.". - Yeah. (everyone laughs). And then what? - Oh my god. They've said "I love you" to each other. Upcrake! - [Shayne] Upcrake. - Oh, they're gonna need a wedding cake pretty soon. - Oh! - I think we know someone. - Well she's done. - Oh, yeah, 'cause yeah, the wheat intolerance. Yeah.

(crew laughs). Shoot. - Our next story. This comes from True Off My Chest, and it was posted in 2025, July of 2025. - Whoa! - Getting a little more recent than 2012. "PSA. "If you are the friend who blocks guys from talking. "to your attractive friend, you're not protecting anyone. "You're just being controlling.". Whoa. - What? - "All right, I need to vent about something. "that happened last weekend, "and I'm curious if other guys have experienced this. "I'm 31, have a decent career, been told I'm good looking,

"and generally don't have issues meeting people. "I've had my fair share of success dating. "and usually feel pretty confident in social situations. "But last Saturday at this club downtown, "I encountered something that just blew my mind. "There was this absolutely stunning woman at the bar. "Let's call her Sarah.". - Oh. - "She was clearly interested, making eye contact, "smiling when I looked at her, the whole nine yards. "So I walk over to introduce myself, "and immediately this other woman, let's call her Fridge.". - What the hell? - Jesus Christ.

- [Amanda] What a nightmare. - Yeah, he's doing a lot of-. - Fridge? - Yeah, man, I'm really listening to your PSA right now. - Fridge. - "So I walk over to introduce myself, "and immediately this other woman, let's call her Fridge-". - This ugly skank. - Yeah. "Literally steps between us. "'She's not interested,' the Fridge says, "arms crossed like a bouncer. "But here's the thing, Sarah was clearly interested. "She was giving me the look, you know? "She even tried to step around her friend. "to continue our conversation, "but the Fridge kept repositioning herself. "like some kind of human wall.

"This went on for 20 minutes.". - This is very funny. - Yeah. "This went on for 20 minutes. "Every time I-". - 20 minutes? Brother, just walk away. - Yeah. - "Every time I tried to have a normal conversation. "with Sarah, the Fridge would interrupt with, "'She has a boyfriend.'. "She didn't. "'She's not looking to meet anyone tonight.'. "She obviously was. "Or just physically blocking access. "The most frustrating part? "Sarah looked genuinely annoyed. "with her friend's behavior too. "At one point she literally mouthed 'sorry' to me. "over the Fridge's shoulder.

"I've seen this before, but never this extreme. "It's like some women have appointed themselves. "as the official gatekeeper to their attractive friends. "They act like they're protecting them, but from what? "A normal conversation with a respectful guy?". "Look, I get it-". - Oh. - Yeah, respectful guy that refers to woman as Fridge. - The dumpster was blocking me again. God, I'm a knight. - "Look, I get it if a guy is being creepy or aggressive, "then absolutely step in. "But I was being completely respectful. "Sarah was clearly interested, "and this woman was just blocking for the sake of blocking.

"I genuinely don't understand the psychology here. "The worst part is that it's not just hurting the guy, "it's taking away Sarah's ability. "to make her own decisions about who she wants to talk to. "Honestly, it's making me. "wanna avoid group approaches entirely.". - Yeah. - Walk away. - Yeah, yeah. This is-. - What? - Also, like this is an unreliable narrator too. - Absolutely. - This is such unreliable-. - Sarah is like, "Sorry, I really wanna talk to you, "but the Fridge is blocking me. "I'm so sorry. "Oh my god, my friend is awful.".

- [Shayne] Yeah. It's-. - And I could even see her, I guess I could see her still saying sorry, just to like, not be not-. - Sure. - You know, the whole thing of like, we don't know-. - This is awkward. - Yeah, you don't wanna piss off a random man at a bar. because things happen. - Yeah, things happen. - Could be scary. - So like, yeah, her friend running defense, and then Sarah being like, "Sorry," like I could see that. - Yeah. - But also he said she had a boyfriend,

but then he was like, oh, she didn't. - He goes in parentheses, "She didn't.". It's like, how do you know? - How do you know? - Did she say that she didn't? - Also was she really like looking at him? - I have a hard time believing that too. because as we know, like some guys will take like the smallest little thing. and be like, "Oh, she's in love with me. "and she wants to have sex with me.". - Or she was looking at him 'cause she's like, "Why does this guy keep staring at me?". You know? - Or she was probably like, "Do we know each other?". - Yeah, there could be a million explanations. Real quick, the top comment I think really kind of nails this in a way.

"I've had friends run interference before. "without me asking them to. "But if I was ever interested in someone, "they never did this. "Sarah obviously never corrected her friend.". - Yes. - "She wasn't interested. "Most of us don't like men who refer to women as fridges. "More at 6:00.". (everyone laughs). It's a good use of that. Yeah, him like trying to buy, like, sell us on this, but referring to a woman as the Fridge. Like, referring to the woman. that he's not interested in as an object, I'm like, yeah, I think this tells me everything.

I need to know. - Here's the deal. Like, as a woman, it is rite of passage. that you are gonna have those friends, those sisters who fight for you on your behalf, whether you want it or not. It's just like part of the deal. And sometimes it's like, hey, I can handle myself. And sometimes it's like, hey, thanks for taking care of me. Like, it just happens. - Yeah. - But it's honestly up to Sarah to be like, "I'm not interested.". And if this went on for 20 minutes, I have a feeling that if Sarah's friends with the Fridge,

if she was interested in the guy, she'd be like, "Oh, okay, hey.". - Yeah. - Yeah. - You know, back down Amy is probably her name. And she's probably like, "Okay, back down. "Like, I got it. "Like, I actually was kind of interested.". - Absolutely. But clearly not. - And also if she was interested, you know, who's gonna know first? The (beep) friend. - Yeah. - She's gonna go, "That guy's cute. "Oh shit, he's coming over.". - Yeah. - She probably went, "Oh (beep), this guy's coming over. "Oh God. Oh God, this is gonna be so awkward.". And the Fridge was like, "I got it.". - Yeah. - That's probably what-.

- Don't you worry about it. (everyone laughs). - Yeah. Don't you worry about it. (Shayne laughs). - I just don't know, like, how does something like this continue for 20 minutes? What's the conver-. - I don't know! - What's the conversation there? But, but, but I just wanna... But, but can I... - I know. - The amount of times I've... I've not seen it, but I've heard about just men being relentless. Like, forever. - Oh, this has absolutely happened to me. And my little sister has been like, "Bro, if you don't back up, I'm gonna do something.".

And he's like, "Oh, okay. "So anyways...". They don't, it doesn't-. - There's a video and it could be staged, but I've heard of this happening to people. There's a video of it's New Year's, like, New Year's, like right as the ball drops. - Oh wait, I've seen this. - These girls celebrating together, and they're like cheering. 'cause the fireworks are going off. And this guy walks up to try to talk to them, and they're truly just trying to ignore him. and just be like, "Whoo!". And he just doesn't leave.

And it's as like, it's like-. - It's so awkward. - It's New Year's! Fireworks! - The ball's dropping. - They're just trying to cheer and they're just kinda like, yeah, yeah. - It's midnight. - And he is truly just there, like, trying to talk to them. And he's like acting like you guys are being ridiculous. - You like champagne? God, you guys are awful. - It's like, they're having a moment. Like, they're doing their thing. It's kind of agonizing. Especially at a bar where there's alcohol. Like, it's like, if this guy's already clueless. and then he is a couple drinks in and he is more clueless... - Just because we're dressed up,

we wanna show off our bodies, we wanna have a good time with our friends in a public space. does not mean it's for you, bitches. It's for us! It's for our friends. And if it's for you, trust me, you will know. If we want it, you will know. - No, I'm pretty sure it was for me. I'm pretty sure. it was all for me. - We will make it so clear. Like, what is the deal? And also, you know, what I also hate. is when people overcorrect, when they like, literally like,

"Well, I couldn't go up to you because like, you know, "the Me Too movement and everything.". It's like, yes, okay, there's that too. But it's just like, trust me, you will know. when we want to give you the time, - Nobody has a problem with him going up the first time. being like, hey, and being told like no, and being like, all right. - No, we're good. And the friend said it. - Yeah. It's like, fine. It's like, all right, if Sarah's really interested, you made the move, and she'll be like, "Actually I do want to talk to him.". But then you hold off.

And like, hey, and if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, man. Like, stop bothering them. - That's the issue is like, I don't, like, I don't want men to be so afraid. that they have to like cower, but if your friend is saying-. - I think there's... As someone who is afraid of making people uncomfortable, I also think it's been a bullshit tactic sometimes. of making women feel bad for the boundaries that are set, where it's like, well, pointing out that uncomfortable, and guys are going, "Well, because-". - You're a bitch. - Because you guys have set boundaries,

now we can't say anything. It's like, okay. - And it's like, we're human beings. So when you go up to a human being. and you test the waters and they say, "No thank you,". go, "Okay, great. "I'm gonna leave now.". Done and done. It's as simple as that. But their egos get involved. They feel so rejected. So this guy probably just stood there, and they probably had their setup, their drinks. They probably waited for a spot at the bar. They're like, "Well, we're not leaving.". - Right. - And he probably just stood there forever. - Also, this guy's writing a whole Reddit post.

about this interaction. It's just like, hey man, let it go. Like, I'm sorry. - That too. - Like, it's another day. Go. There's a bunch of people out there. if you're going to bars, like-. - Also, she's friends with the Fridge. So if you even got in a date with her-. - Exactly. - Guess who's gonna show up? The Fridge. - The Fridge is there. - She's gonna pick up her friend. - But it's just like, yeah, he has no respect for any of it. - This is so annoying. - Another comment says, "I hope there's a fridge, stove, dishwasher, butcher block,

"craftsman's tool chest, and Jeep Grand Cherokee. "surrounding all your future conquests.". - Jeep Grand Cherokee. - Yeah, you gotta watch out for that one. - That one will-. - That's if the Fridge had a gun. - You're dead. Yeah. (everyone laughs). - Lastly, someone said, "I'm a woman, "and I've seen this play out multiple times. "in club settings. "Sarah did not want you, "and her friend was running interference. "The friend was playing bad cop, "so they could safely reject people like you. "You know how many men probably came up to her. "wanting to talk and also had to be rejected? "And now here you are running to Reddit about it,

"thinking you have it all figured out. "Tale as old as time. "You know nothing about how women operate.". - Yeah, there's just this like sense of entitlement of like, "I'm entitled to this stranger's time.". - Absolutely. - And it's like, and I think you make a really good point, Amanda, of being like, it's okay to like go up and say hi, and introduce yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. - Absolutely. - But anything past that point is entitlement. Thinking that you're entitled to this person's time. - You know, it's not the easiest thing for us to go,

"Hey, I'm not interested. "No, thank you.". It's not the easiest thing in the world. It's awkward. It's uncomfortable. We wanna just enjoy, we don't wanna deal with that either. So when we say it, we're saying it. because we have enough respect for the moment and ourselves. to be like, "Hey, like no worries all good, "but like, I have a boyfriend," or whatever. And then when you (beep) react like that, it's like, all right. This is not simpatico. We're not on the same page.

- Time to call the Jeep Grand Cherokee. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. Now I have to like fight, and now my night's ruined. - Yeah. - Yeah. - All right, our next story. - Oh wow. - Is a confession that came from January of 2025. "I carry pumpkin seeds in my pocket. "and plant them everywhere I go. "I've been doing this for over 20 years.". - Yeah. - This is the type of confession I love. - I love... Johnny Appleseed. - [Shayne] That's just a wild thing. - The pumpkin man. - The pumpkin man. - Ew. That sounds so creepy.

- Johnny Pumpkinseed. - Ugh. Ew. Sounds like Mr. Pumpkins from "SNL.". Remember Mr. S. Pumpkins? - Oh sure. - I'm his own thing. (Amanda vocalizes). I (beep) love that sketch so much. - Me too. - I've actually never seen it. - [Emily] David S. Pumpkins. - David S. Pumpkins. - David S. Pumpkins. - I've actually never seen the sketch. - Tom Hanks. - My millennial ass loves that sketch. so much. - Me too. - I think it's so funny 'cause it's absurd. - There's nothing happening. - It makes no sense. That's why I love it. And it's Tom Hanks. - Yeah. - It's so good, man. You gotta watch it.

It's so stupid. All right. "I carry pumpkin seeds in my pocket. "and plant them everywhere I go. "I've been doing this for over 20 years. "There is no reason that I do this. "other than I find it funny. "I hear whispers, 'I don't know how a pumpkin grew here.'". (everyone laughs). "I never run out of seeds. "I got pumpkin patches across the country. "Till next time, lend a hand, leave a smile.". - What? - I don't trust this person. - I will say, can I be honest? What he's doing is harmless. Maybe even benevolent.

I do think there's something about this guy. that is more sinister in nature. than everybody else we read. - He sounds like a villain. - I think this guy is evil. - He's like, "Lend a hand.". - These little seeds need some fertilizer. And he's got like bodies in the trunk. - We have nothing to point that he is a bad person. - He's planting a seed with a human finger in there. - Oh my god. - It comes out like if there's an update, it's like, "Actually we're the police. "We found this guy. "He's murdered many people.". - Yeah. - Well, you go to a pumpkin patch. and he's like, "This is all mine.".

- I made this. - This is my land. - This is hilarious. - I kind of can't with this man. - It's something about it being pumpkin. - What's his name? - [Shayne] Well, we don't-. - Charles. - I kind of, I wish it was a more edible food. 'cause like most people don't eat pumpkins. - Squash guy. - I'm into that. - Pumpkin puree, really good for you. - Yeah, but people don't do that. - Yeah. So cute. - People always just like, Halloween, they just throw their pumpkins away. They don't even keep the seeds usually. - [Shayne] That's true. - They're like, "Oh my god, it's Halloween. "Let's dig into them and carve them up.".

- I always bake the seeds. - Oh yeah. Pepitas. - [Shayne] Seeds are so good. - Pepitas. - They're so good. - You make pepitas? - Yeah, I do. Put a little salt on them. - Nice. - [Shayne] Love them. - What would pumpkin guy think about that? - I guess it'd be atrocious to him. 'cause he likes to plant the seeds. - Yeah, he likes to plant them and see what grows. and then take over the land. - I thought pumpkins though, wouldn't, how well do they grow in most environments? - I don't think anything's growing in his path. - I think he's like-. - [Ian] I don't know. - Nothing's grown. - He's like, "Ha ha.". He's like, "I visited again and there was a city built.". - I like how he's like, "I hear whispers, "'How did a pumpkin grow here?'".

I'm like, you're revisiting the scene of the crime. like a serial killer. - Oh no. - Yeah. - The whispers. The whispers are not people. - I kind of feel like we should all plant pumpkins. around our places of residence and see if it works. - Wait, that means he's gonna show up. - I don't think there's any, I would have a hard time believing. that pumpkins would grow in LA. We have days that reach like 105 degrees nowadays. Wouldn't that kill it? - This is really creepy to me. - My gourd knowledge is not good, so I don't know. - I don't know about-.

- [James] It's not gourd? - What? - [James] I said it's not gourd? - It's not a gourd? - It's not gourd. - [Ian] Oh, I'm sorry. - [James] My pumpkin knowledge is not good. - It's not gourd. It's not good. - Okay. - Anyways. - All right. It's not very gourd. - Comments. Someone said, "Johnny Pumpkinseed.". We already said that. - We already said that. - [Shayne] We already did. - Way ahead of you. - We're way ahead of you. - Someone said... We reply you, "(beep) you, we already said that.". - Yeah, idiot. - Someone said, "I have a buddy. "who does this in downtown Detroit with sunflower seeds. "He plants them in sad looking places and goes back. "and takes photos once they grow.".

- Okay, well that's sweet. - I've heard of people doing this. - Something about flowers feels better. - Sunflower guys sounds fun. - Flowers. I've seen people do it with wild flowers. - Yes. - That's sweet. - As long as they're local. If you do it with local wildflowers, I approve. - Yeah. - Okay. - Someone said, "So it was you. "A random pumpkin grew at my apartment complex. "Learned the hard way the stems are spiky.". (Amanda gasps). Oh, so he is sinister in nature. - We knew it. He's trying to take over the US of A. - He's a "Batman" villain. - Yeah. Definitely. - Oh my god. What does he wear? Overalls. Ew. Probably.

I like overalls. - A farmer. - But not on this guy. - With a straw hat. - I finally found you Pumpkin Man. (everyone laughs). - You brought up a "Batman" again, you guys. What? - Everything's Batman. - [Amanda] Yeah. - Lastly, someone said, "Oh, where have you done your distribution? "As a newlywed, put in a flower garden out front, "but somehow ended up. :with a very enthusiastic cherry tomato bush. "and a horking huge pumpkin. "Neighbors...". (beep). - Horking? - I also don't like this person. - Who are all of these people? - Horton Hears a Who!

I built a garden. (laughs). - Somehow pumpkin guy, not the worst person. Now it's this lady. - A newlywed making a garden. Yikes. - My horking huge pumpkin. (everyone laughs). "Neighbors literally would stop to see if it was real. "Probably 25 to 30 pounds. "And we made masses of pumpkin puree from it.". - Hey. - "You keep doing this. "You may have just inspired me too.". OP responded, "Only in the USA so far. "But I fear-". - Did I not say US of A? - "Only in the USA so far.

"But I fear I've said too much. "The villain side of me wishes to reveal everything. "while the magician side wishes to reveal nothing. "I feel torn. "Till next time, lend a hand, leave a smile.". - No. - "Sincerely, Carl.". (Amanda gasps). - Carl! Did I say Charlie? - You said Charles. - Why does he keep signing off with-. - Wait, he keeps saying that, and I feel something happening. It's like, if you watch this for seven days, you're gonna get... Don't say that phrase again! - What did he say, "Help a hand, leave a smile"? - All of a sudden I'm talking, all of a sudden I go (yells). And a vine comes out. - We go, "No!". And I go, "Horton Hears a Who!".

- Horking huge! - That's a horking huge vine coming outta you. - And the vine goes through me and it goes through Ian. - Oh no. Oh no. - Oh no. - Oh no, and then the pumpkins grow here. And then Ian just goes, "Pepitas.". - Pepitas. Now we got lots of pepitas. - I don't like this guy! Carl is way worse. - Carl. - 'Cause Charles is like, okay, he's kind of fun. A little proper. - Carl is sinister. - Carl is sinister. - Carl. Carl the pumpkin man. - The pumpkin man.

- He wears overalls and like big boots. - Yeah. - Big black boots. - Somebody needs to make fan art of Carl. - Yeah. - I wanna see Carl the pumpkin, Johnny Pumpkinseed. (Shayne groans). - Despise him. Someone must stop. - Don't ever say his phrase again. - Help a hand. - Don't! No! - Leave a smile. - That's not even it. - What is it? - Leave a... Lend a hand, leave a smile. - Shut up! - Lend a hand. Leave a smile. - Are you crazy? - Lend a hand. Leave a smile. - You're letting the demon in. - Well, we're not talking in a mirror,

so Biggie Smalls won't come. - One more comment from Carl. Someone commented, "LMAO, I just came from a dark. "and sad thread outlining the dark future of America, "and your post completely changed my brainwave. "Thanks so much. "Keep doing you, boo.". And Carl responded. - Oh no. He's like (laughs). - This is becoming a creepypasta. - Yeah. - He responded, "Even if we enter an apocalyptic type world, "there will always be dark and always be light. "Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. "I find it where I can. "I find peace in little moments.

"I hope you find peace too, fellow traveler. "Lend a hand, leave a smile-". - Don't! - No! - "Sincerely, Carl.". - Shayne! Ian's going! Ian, no! - He spoke... - No, Ian! Ian. Oh, he's gone. - They commented being like, "Yeah, I'm really nervous about the future of America.". And he wrote like a-. - Dark times. - As if he's like a prophet of the future. - Dark times are important, my little one. - Dark times are coming. - My little seed, dark times are good. We must plant-. - Must must plant the seeds of positivity for the future.

- Ugh. I hate this. - Carl will kill us all. - What if Carl saves us from the apocalypse. - No, he won't. - When everything like, you know, collapses, the pumpkins are the only things that sustain us. - Yeah, what if one day we wake up. and on the news it's like, "Oh my god, Trump, Putin, and Netanyahu all found. "with pumpkins growing out of their faces.". It's like, oh, what happened? - This is "The Last of Us" so hard right now. - "The Last of Us" but pumpkin. - But pumpkin. - I will say, we kind of called it. Your first like intro to this,

we were like, oh, he's a villain. And he said the words himself. - He said he's a villain but also a magician. - A magician. - Which is worse. - Oh, what is he making disappear? Children? (everyone laughs). Us? Wait, I'm spooked. - I'm scared. - I'm horking scared. - I'm horking scared. - Horking hears a Who! I'm a newlywed. - We have one final quick story here. - We were gonna cut and end the show, but we just got the go ahead we could do this last story. So this is a bonus. - Yeah, here we go.

- All right, this comes from Well That Sucks. This was posted in March of this year. - [Bailey] Two days ago. - This was posted two days ago as of recording this. - Whoa. - "Sent this confession to the wrong Kelly.". Ooh. So they have multiple Kellys in their contacts. - Ooh. - Sent it to the wrong one. They go... They write, this is a text. "I'm extra pissed today. "because my coochie lips keep falling outta my underwear. "and it keeps chafing," crying emoji.

(Ian laughs). - Oh my god. - I mean, look, we've all been there. - And Kelly responds, "No, I totally get that. "That's the worst.". OP responds with a crying emoji. and then laughing crying emoji. And then Kelly responds, "It's always great when it happens at the gym too,". crying emojis, like sad, like, ah, like emojis. They go, "No.". And then they respond, OP responds, "No. "Wrong Kelly. I'm so sorry.". Oh my god.

- Kelly's such a good sport. - Yeah. Kelly's a real one. - Which Kelly is this Kelly? - I don't know. - And how did they know? How did they like randomly find out? - They just realized after a minute. of just like, oh, sent it to the wrong. - Different last name. - But they were just like, "I totally get it. "It's the worst.". - Yeah, I love them. And they were also like, "And at the gym, right?". - I don't think you sent it to the wrong Kelly. I think you sent it to the right Kelly. - Yeah. They yes and, and they're like, I've always wanted to talk to you about this actually. - Yeah, I've been meaning to actually. - Wrong Kelly? Wrong my ass. I'm the right Kelly.

- Comments. Someone said, "I like Kelly better than OP.". OP said, "Me too, to be honest.". Someone said, "You'd better pivot this. "into a stronger friendship with the wrong Kelly.". Someone said, "Seems like it was the right Kelly, "to be honest.". - Ah. - Someone said, "At least she was a homegirl about it. "I'd be mortified, but relieved to know someone can relate.". OP said, "That was basically the turn of events. "Then I had to tell the internet about it.". - I have to know who this Kelly is. Is she like her, you know, teacher when she was younger? - Yeah. We don't know anything about-. - Is she her therapist? - We can only assume.

- Whoever it was, I mean, they're very helpful. I mean, you could almost say that she lent a hand. and left a smile. - That's not the right phrase- - And now he's gonna kill us. - And I can't believe you said it again. - Yeah. Sucks. That's the new Smosh motto. - I never wanna see a pumpkin in my life. - We're gonna put it in the new studio. - Lend a hand, leave a smile. - Big neon. - And I'm like, I can't wait. (groans). - [Shayne] On the next "Reddit" set-. - It's covered in pumpkin vines. - On the new "Reddit" set,

which you're gonna see next Saturday, it will be right above me. - No! And we're just gonna have a whole thing of cake. - Yeah. Pillsbury doughboy cake. - Whoo-hoo! - Doughboy! - Whoo-hoo! - I'll be a doughboy for Halloween. Upcrake! - That's gonna be the new mug. - That's really insensitive if you dress up as a doughboy. - You think? - It's extremely-. - Isn't he basically naked the whole time. with like a little sash? - He doesn't even have a sash. - Yeah, he's just going full-. - I think he's just fully-. - He's full nude. - But he has a hat. - He has a hat. Yeah. - Well, that's fine.

I'm like happy Halloween! Everyone's like, "Cover her up. "She's naked with a hat.". - Hide him! Anyways, thank you both for joining me. for these confessions. - Thank you. - Anytime. - This was crazy. - Are we safe? - No. - Okay. - Anyways, and thank you all for watching, and we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye. - My pumpkin. - Lend a hand, leave a smile. - Stop saying it.