Are They The Devil? | Reading Reddit Stories

- Today we'll be reading. some of the most villainous Reddit stories on the platform. There is a subreddit called Am I The Devil, which takes stories from all over Reddit. that are the absolute worst of the worst. These people are so delusional, such massive jerks. that they all get compiled here. And today we'll be reacting to some of the best stories. that we've found there. And I'm joined by two friends of mine. who are on opposite ends. of the Dark Souls hair color spectrum.

(everyone laughs). - Nice, nice. - So yeah, you guys are both great people. You are not villains, you're not, you guys wouldn't end up on here. - Keep going. - But I'm excited for your opinions on this, and we're gonna be reacting to these. We'll be sharing how some will make us feel, whatever. If there's anything we say you disagree with, please let us know in the comments. We're open to, you know, hearing that. These are gonna be unhinged. So we'll just react, and we'll just be along for the ride. - You know what's really exciting about this one to me.

is like obviously I've watched the previous episodes, and there's a little bit of like back and forth and like, let's have some discussion. You've already set this up. that like these people are the literal actual devil. I'm like, great. Like, let's talk about that. - Yeah, yeah. - I will say a lot of these, from my understanding. and from checking out the Am I The Devil Reddit, it's gonna be pretty clear cut for most of these, I think. - What happens if we do disagree, Shayne? - Then we'll figure it out, man. - [Damien] Great. - [Shayne] We'll figure it out. Let's start. - I'm assuming it's literally gonna be like, "So my daughter-wife was," and we're gonna like,

okay, great, done. - Okay, let's buckle up. Okay. "Am I the asshole for setting boundaries with my neighbor?". - Sounds good so far. - [Shayne] Sounds great so far. "I, a 27-year-old woman, "moved into a new place a few months ago. "My neighbor, Ashley, 20s woman, "shares a back fence with me. "It's a chain link fence, so no privacy. "Ashley has this big orange cat. "that she lets outside to hang out in the yard. "I asked about it when I first moved in. "and pointed out that it was dangerous,

"and she just hand waved it off and said he was old. "and he's never left her yard. "She said he just wants to lay in the grass. "and he won't bother me. "Well, he bothers my dog, Milo, so he bothers me too. "To be fair, he doesn't come into my yard, "but he lays near the fence and my dog hates it. "When I first moved in, "the dog barking was enough to scare him off, "but now he's gotten used to Milo. "so he doesn't run away anyway. "It's awful. "She works from home so she just leaves her back door open.

"and he goes in and out as he pleases, "so I can hardly let Milo out at all during the day. "or otherwise he's freaking out and barking at the cat, "and that smug little (beep) just rolls around. "He does it on purpose. "I know how cats are. "I've started spraying the cat with the hose. "whenever I see him outside to teach him to stay inside, "and it was working pretty well. "until Ashley came out yelling yesterday. "and demanding to know why her cat was wet. "I said I didn't know, but she said she saw me spray him, "so I had to tell her the truth.".

Oh, I had to tell her the truth. "I told her he was bothering my dog, "and since she was no help, "I had to take matters into my own hands. "and that next time I would just call animal control. "and report a roaming cat. "She called me a dumb bitch and went inside. "And when she let the cat out later on, "she came out and sat-" - If the shoe fits. (laughs). - "When she let the cat out later on, "she came out and sat with him. "My boyfriend came over last night. "and told me I was going to make a ton of problems. "for myself by acting like an asshole, "but I don't agree with him.

"Cats don't belong outside, "and he was making problems for me.". (crew laughs). Do you disagree? Everyone here's had cats in their life. or has cats currently. - Yes. - I love cats. I'm a big fan. I had a cat when I was a kid that we did let outside. I don't know how I feel about letting cats outside, but that seems besides the point on this. I think legally speaking, spraying a hose at someone else's pet.

in their yard is not allowed? - Is it assault? Like, does that count as assault? Your assaulting-. - It's also like, I think it's animal abuse. 'cause cats don't do very well when they get wet. Like, they can very easily get sick if they are left to dry. on their own devices. - My issue too is just that it's like, it's bothering her dog. It's like train your dog to not bark at that cat. - Yeah, you're doing equal things. You're both letting your pets. into your individual parts of the yard. And you don't like the sound of the bark.

- Yeah, you shouldn't have a dog. You sound like a bad pet owner. - [Damien] Absolutely. - You just should avoid animals, you curmudgeon, - I'm not the biggest fan of people. who let their cats outside. It really messes with bird populations. Like, it's not the right thing to do. And I've had, you know, I've literally had like a Postmates driver be like, "Oh, you got like cats in there?". And I'm like, "Yeah.". And they're like, "You should let 'em outside.". And I'm like, "No.". They're like, "Well, they're wild animals, "they need to run around.". I'm like, "No, they're domesticated.". - What? - "They have to be in here.".

But like-. - Zero stars. - [Shayne] What the (beep). - And it was just like, "Don't tell me what to do with my life.". - I think that guy was a coyote. and he was trying to eat your cats. - It's Wiley Coyote. - She was a coyote. - You should let those cats out. - And she was also crazy. (everyone laughs). But like, here's the thing, if it truly is just staying in her yard. and it's just like this sad old cat flopping around. in the sun, that's not bothering anybody. - That's also not what she's complaining about. None of those arguments are what she's saying. - That's what I'm saying. Like, there's nothing in her favor for me.

- Exactly. She's just being ridiculous. The comments were extremely, "You're the asshole. "So let's recap. "A pet owner who lived there first has a pet. "that spends time in their yard and you don't like it, "so you physically abuse the animal. "and then make a threat to call animal control. "to make a false report. "You should be the one that's getting reported.". Yeah. I mean, all of that. - That lady should also not have a dog. - No. - Like, because if she's willing to lie to that extent. for someone else's animal, I'm like, what do you think is fine for yours?

- Yeah, really. Like, I'm not accusing you of abusing your dog, but like if you're gonna do that to my cat, I mean... - I'm always fascinated by this. I pointed this out before. Her boyfriend, the person. who like she's supposed to trust the most in her life, he's like, "You're being an asshole.". She's not paying attention to him, but she's like, "Let me go to Reddit and ask other people.". - You're right, yeah! - Hi, stranger. - The person you're supposed to take advice from and trust. just gave you their advice and you said, "I'm gonna go ask a bunch of strangers online.". - Yeah, also, like how many different opinions do you need.

to get of like, "Hey, you're wrong about this.". It's like, "No, no, no, no, no. "I'm gonna go ask, "hey, I know you're almost done ringing me up. "and yes, I'll bag my own. "I brought my own bags. "How do you feel about this though?". Like it's-. - Yeah, someone else said what we've been saying. "You understand that the issue here. "is not a cat enjoying time in his own fenced yard. "but your dog that barks constantly. "because you couldn't be bothered to teach him. "to behave around other pets. "You're the asshole. "The cat has as much right to be there as your dog. "Stop being a lazy dog owner and teach your dog some manners. "instead of harassing a poor cat.

"that is doing nothing wrong.". - Here's something else I'll throw out. that might get me a little bit of flack. but like we're having a discussion here. I feel like dogs are like the "easy" pet to own. Like, I've known some great dog owners. that really train their pets and like take the time. And then I've known some dog owners that are like, "Oh, that's just Bubbish. "Bubbish is just like that.". (everyone laughs). And you're like, "This is the worst dog I've ever met.". And they're like, "No, we trained him how to like piss outside,". and that's where it ends for them. So like I find that a lot of people think that they're like,

"Oh yeah, I've done everything I can for this dog.". And in reality I'm like, you maybe shouldn't have one. You know, not that cat owners can't do the same, but I know a lot of dog owners that are like, this dog is like jumping on me, screaming at my face. I'm like, "Hey, does it stop that?". And they're like, "No, that's just Bubbish.". - I imagine with the way this lady. is blaming other people for her problems, that she's not tried to train this dog to do anything. I thought at the beginning of the story. that the cat was going into her yard.

And if that was the case, that's different. But if the cat's just chilling, not fair. - Also, like this person, the author of this story, is setting up a lot of things in her own favor verbally. So if even she's saying like the cat is on the other side. rolling around in the sun. and I know he is rolling around on purpose, I'm like, if that's your bad version of things, how chill is this animal? - I hope she's not a teacher. - [Shayne] I do wanna say-. (everyone laughs). I do wanna say, knowing cats,

that cat is probably rolling around on purpose. - Oh totally. - That cat knows that dog can't get to him. He's just like... (everyone laughs). - Rubbing its tummy. - That cat's loving it. - Yeah. - Do you like when I show you my tummy? (everyone laughs). - Oh, you can't get this. - Also, I will say one more thing, I'm a very gentle person. I have never really once in my life resorted to violence. without actually being physically attacked first. If anyone crosses either of my cats, I will hold their head under the water. 'til the bubbles stop.

(crew laughs). - If someone-. - I love my animals so much. - If a neighbor sprayed a hose at a pet of mine, like with malicious intent, I would lose it. - The police would be like, "Hey, your neighbor's been missing for a month.". I'd be like, "I can show you all 10 places they are right now.". (everyone laughs). - Damn. - Don't hurt animals! - Don't (beep) with Damien's cats. That's what we found out. Okay, let's move on. So we have, what are we calling this lady? - Oh, Lilith. (everyone laughs).

- Hey now. - The demon from Diablo IV. No, okay, so we've got cat neighbor. - Cat neighbor. - But let's move on to our next one. and see if we find someone who's a bigger demon than that. - Geez. - I think there's room to improve. - Oh, there's definitely, there's definitely room. All right, next story. "Am I the asshole for telling my sister. "I can't attend my brother-in-law's funeral?". So this is a 23-year-old woman. "My sister, who's 28, her husband recently passed away. "in an accident. "This is a shock and absolutely devastating for us.

"The funeral is coming up soon. "I'm sure all of you know Taylor Swift is currently on tour. "and tickets for that were notoriously difficult to get.". (crew laughs). "I've been a fan since I was a kid. "My first ever concert was her Red tour. "Her music has gotten me through some of my hardest moments. "and also part of my best memories. "It might sound dramatic to some people, which is fine, "but I truly feel Taylor. "and her music is a massive part of my life.

"and shaped who I am. "Me and my friend managed to get tickets to the Eras tour. "The funeral is the date of our show. "We wanna get to the stadium by 5:00 at the latest. "It'll take about 40 to 50 minutes to get there, "possibly more depending on traffic. "And of course I also have to get ready before that. "and have a specific outfit/costume I'm planning to wear. "The funeral is in the afternoon. "and the timing is very close. "I wouldn't be able to make it to the stadium in time.

"I told my sister gently, "'I'm sorry, but I can't make it to the funeral.'. "She didn't take this well at all. "and completely went off at me, "calling me selfish and a bunch of other things. "I get she's grieving. "so she's probably saying things without thinking, "but even our parents are calling me unsupportive. "and selfish for not coming.". - And what else? (everyone laughs). - And? Okay. I wanna point out something that I feel is important.

is that it's very clear that they all live close together. Like, I know if someone passed away. and they're in a different state or something like, but they all live in the same town or area. - They're not even mentioning. that it would be difficult to attend. No, no, what's difficult is the traffic. because of when the funeral might end. - But also pointing that out. 'cause it's like they probably knew each other really well. Like, this is not like a oh, a brother-in-law. who I met once or twice. Like, I'm just laying the groundwork. - And it's your sister's late husband,

so you have no idea when the funeral's gonna end. (everyone laughs). - Oh, you're funny, bro. - I mean, holy crap. - [Damien] Yeah, no, that's rough. - You're a bad, bad person. - I just don't think that person has the ability. to step outside of their own world. Like, that's a level of like-. - That's a kind way to look at it. - Well, it's not even like an excuse. It's like that level of delusion of being like, "No, you don't understand. "how hard these tickets were to get,". like I'm like something was messed up along the way for you.

- Yeah, they even said, "Taylor Swift was like really formative. "and really important in my life, like throughout my life.". It's like that's your older sister. who's been there your whole life. Like, what? I would never say that Halo raised me more than my family, even though I spent a lot of time playing Halo. I'm not about to like-. (Shayne laughs). Maybe Halo raised me. - She's probably been locked in, and this life changing event happens, and she's unwilling to like be like, "Oh, this changes things for everyone.". Like, her sister probably has a bunch of stuff. she was looking forward to that's got thrown out the window.

It's like, man, like-. - Like, having a husband. - Yeah. - I mean like, it's such a devastating, like that's, dude, to be 28 and to lose your husband. - Yeah, I don't wanna-. - Is (beep) crazy. That's different-. - I would never be 28. (everyone laughs). - A question is like, is it ever acceptable. to miss something like a family member's funeral? I would say, and maybe I'm bad for this, but like if it was like, oh, your 95-year-old great-grandfather died,

am I messed up for being like, okay, like we, hardly had a coherent conversation. for 10 years. - Yes, Damien. - I've missed two family members' funerals. Like, life happens, stuff comes up, there are things that are unmissable, maybe finances are too difficult, like that happens. But to be like we're in the same town. and it's a Taylor Swift concert. Here's my two fixes for that. One, funerals have music. Play "Our Song" once. (everyone laughs). - Yes. Yes!

(everyone laughs). - "Our Song.". - Can I get the cord real quick? (Damien mumbles). - And thing number two is, you know, not to make this about me, but look at the way I dress. Am I headed to a funeral or a concert right now? I don't have to switch. Oh, traffic's a little bad? I'm already dressed. - It's pretty smart. - And you can dip out at a certain point. when everyone's gathered around like throwing the dirt. on the coffin, you can just like... (crew laughs). (Shayne laughs).

You can make it to both! - Also, they were like, "Listen, we wanna get there by 5:00 PM. "'cause we wanna get to our seats. "and have at least 40 minutes.". Like, the way that they're outlining it is not like, they want their day to be perfect. and they're so inconvenienced. by the death of their sister's husband. - Yeah. - That's just messed up, man. - It's totally, there's really. no excusing this. - Push the funeral. - Yeah, push the funeral. - 'Cause I have missed a funeral, but it was in a different state and it was like, I didn't miss it because of like, oh, I'm going to a concert. I missed it for like reasons that my family was like, oh yeah, of course. Like, and nobody had a problem with that,

and it was like a very old relative. It wasn't a tragic sudden death. So we've got some comments here. "You're the asshole, "and your sister and likely the rest of your family. "will never forgive you.". - [Noah] Yes. - "This is a joke, right? "Please let this be a joke. "Also, Taylor would be ashamed if she knew. "You are the worst.". Ooh! - Went for the jugular. - That might've convinced them to go to the funeral. - Oh dude, what if the sister calls. and gets it in, like tweets at it, and then in the middle of it, Taylor Swift is just like, "Before this next song,

"I wanna give a shout out to Kelly in the front.". - "One second, can you bring the spotlight to seat 243?". - "This next song is dedicated to,". and then they show the brother-in-law on the jumbotron. They're like, "Dedicated to him, "who you're missing like today.". Just like, "You're a bad person. "And I hope he curses you and haunts you forever.". - Can I offer an alternative to that? - [Shayne] Yeah. - Sister goes to concert. Everyone's like chanting, "Taylor, Taylor!". Taylor is late. Taylor is nowhere to be found. Boom. At the funeral, everyone's just like sitting there grieving.

and then all of a sudden coffin, poof, open. Taylor pops out with a microphone. and then starts singing "Our Song.". (everyone laughs). - I love that it's "Our Song.". - Ask me to name one other Taylor Swift song. - Name one other Taylor Swift song. - Can't. (everyone laughs). - "Our Song" is... - It's her best one. She peaked early. - This might be really controversial, but I think we can all agree. that "Our Song" is the only good Taylor Swift song. - It's the best one. - Yeah. - [Crew Member] I actually think. that like I'm gonna edit that out. (everyone laughs).

- Yeah, that's gonna get us, yeah. - "You're the asshole. "I'd never speak to my sibling again. "if they chose to go to a concert. "over my partner's funeral.". I agree. "I can very much see this being real. "When my husband died, his sister-in-law skipped his funeral. "because she had tickets to a popular movie. "that opened that weekend.". - [Damien] That's worse. That's way worse. - "She wanted to avoid spoilers, "so she went to a Marvel movie. "instead of my husband's funeral.". - I knew it was Marvel. - Oh my god! - She already knows how that story ends. - [Shayne] Yeah, like, dude...

Oh my god. - I swear, I would spray you with a hose like cat neighbor. (everyone laughs). Every time I saw you. Never again. Oh my goodness. - That's atrocious. - That's pretty rough. - Yes, it is atrocious. - That's crazy. - I don't think there's a level of mental gymnastics. you can do to like write this in your favor. - [Noah] Yeah. - Like, there's just not. Like, there's no details you can leave out. There's nothing. - Look, we are all fan boys of things. Like, I know like I'm a big fan. of a lot of like pop culture stuff. I know you are too. But I also have a sense of reality.

and I know that those are things that I do for fun. And if my real life has to take a front seat, you know, it's like, hey, this is just for fun. I can give this up at any time. - Yep. - [Shayne] Like, that's crazy. - 100%. - Like, the price you are paying to go to that concert. or that movie is so much more. than the $50 you spent for that ticket, which is how much movie tickets are now. Who do we think is the bigger asshole? I think they're too different. - Oh, we're ranking these? - I wanna try to see who's the ultimate devil today.

I think after the sister goes to this concert, she's gonna look in hindsight and be like, "I can't believe I did that.". I'm hoping. - I don't think so. - I'm hoping. - Yeah, hoping. - But the cat person is literally spraying a cat with a hose. and not feeling bad about doing that. And I'm like that's crazy. - Either way we have two remorseless people. - Yeah, that's so scary. - We're starting off really, really rough. - They could be anyone in a crowd when you're going, like they could just trip you downstairs and not care. - [Shayne] They would. - 'Cause you like took up space or something. That's my biggest fear, is crazy people.

- Let's keep it coming. Let's see if someone topples these two. - [Noah] Okay. - So this original post was r/relationships. So this is not an Am I The Asshole. So in Am I The Devil, they refer to this as an asshole from another realm. (Noah laughs). - Eldritch. - Eldritch asshole. - This person wasn't asking if they were an asshole. They went to r/relationships to post a question. or a dilemma that they're dealing with. in their relationship. - [Noah] Okay. - "How can I, a 26-year-old woman, "show my husband, who's 25, I appreciate him. "after I said that I never would have given him a chance.

"if I didn't have a kid, and now he's feeling insecure?". (crew and Noah laugh). Okay. - Okay. - "I overheard my husband giving his friend Rob, "not his real name, relationship advice. "I told Rob my husband is not the person you want to go to. "for relationship advice. "My husband said, 'It helped get someone like you,'. "and kissed me on the cheek. "I told him, 'I was a broke single mom with a kid. "'I wouldn't have even looked at you. "'if I didn't have Bunny,' my son's nickname,

"'or even some money.'. "He asked if I was serious and I said yes, "and he walked away. "I didn't think nothing of it, but he's been distant lately, "not giving me compliments like he normally does. "I asked him if he's upset about what I said, "and he said kinda. "He said he will get over it, but he wishes he never knew. "How can I show that I appreciate him? "I'm thinking of asking my parents if they can watch Bunny. "and taking my husband on a weekend trip.".

So that's all that that one is. That's... Wow, talk about a left hook that was completely unnecessary. - Left hook to the nuts. - Like, he literally complimented her. He goes, "Well, it helped me get you.". And she's like, "Oh, well no, you suck so much.". - That was so (beep) that hurt my feelings. (everyone laughs). - Yes! - I don't know if, I'm sure you caught this on camera. I'm having an experience right now. overthinking every interaction I've ever had where I'm like, wow, I would never trust again.

- She literally said like, "Oh, no, I only dated you out of having no choice.". - [Damien] "I used you 'cause I needed help.". - "I straight up didn't actually like you, "and I would never be with you. "if I had an actual opportunity for anything else.". - [Damien] Oh my god. - That's crazy to say. So we have some comments here, and we should read them. because the OP responds. - Oof. - And gets into an argument I think with someone. - Of course. - Someone commented, "Why in the world would you feel the need to say that? "Why was it necessary at all? "It's just downright cruel.". OP responded, "It was more to protect his friend.

"The 22-year-old me was not a good partner to have, "but my husband saw otherwise. "Luckily I have grown and matured as a person.". - [Noah] Really? - Okay. - You got older. (Noah laughs). - The commenter said, "Are you sure you have? "Because this is not something a mature person would say. "to their spouse. "Some things are just meant to be kept private. "You did not need to say that out loud to him, "especially in front of his friend. "I also don't see what's so horribly wrong.

"about your friend getting advice from your husband? "It just wasn't a big deal. "You weren't protecting your friend in any way. "You were just embarrassing your husband.". They responded, "I may still have some maturing to do, "but yes, I have. "You're right what I said was horrible.". - Yuh-huh. (Noah laughs). - "You're right what I said was horrible, "and I take full accountability. "I just don't like people implying I don't love my husband.". They responded, "You don't though.". (Noah laughs). "If you did, you would've kept that secret to your grave. "But instead he used it to crush it.

"and embarrass him in front of a friend. "You used it to crush him in front of a friend. "You are a horrible person. "because not only have you admitted. "that you only got with him for money, "but after all this time you still don't care. "about his feelings. "You basically told the man that you used him.". Yeah, I fully agree. And like the way she even said it could have been different. Like, "Yeah, you know, the head space I was in at the time, "like, you know, I don't think I saw. "how amazing of a person you were.". And what she could have also said is. if this friend is dating someone he shouldn't date.

and the advice the husband is giving is not great, she could give that advice without saying, "Don't trust my husband.". She could go, "Can I offer a different perspective on this,". or you know-. - Absolutely. - Or you know what she should have said is, "You know, my husband tolerated a lot of my bull (beep). "and I was actually a bad person when we started dating. "I'm still a bad person, but I was a bad person, "so actually I think he's too forgiving and too kind, "and you should maybe take that with a grain of salt.". But no, she went, "No, actually my husband, huge loser.".

- And it wasn't even like she overheard something, it was in a direct response. He was also like giving her a compliment after that, being like, "Well, like I feel like I'm qualified. "to give advice because look at how great my life is. "I found you.". And then she's just like (blows raspberry). (everyone laughs). (Shayne groans). Basically! That's absolutely wild to me. And also like there was no tact. I would be so embarrassed and hurt and felt,

like he was used. And like, look, everybody has their baggage. But to literally be like, "I would never have gotten with you without all my baggage,". like I wasn't worth anything else. - I wonder what the friend's reaction to that was. Because I would be like, what? - He's gonna be like, do you have a Raya invite? (everyone laughs). - Also like, again, when the story started, like I thought that, you know, maybe they had an unexpected pregnancy. and decided to stay together. No, like it's a previous child that like, and of course I would always love a child, but like for some people it might be difficult. to go into a relationship with someone new.

that also has a child that they're trying to take care of, and like you are so accepting and inviting and loving and-. - This guy loves her so much. - [Damien] Yeah. - And probably loves that kid so much. Like, that's what would be going through my head is like, "Wow, I would leave you right now. "if I didn't love this child.". - "If I had any other option.". - Yeah. - "If I had any other option at the time.". Like, that's literally what she said. Like, she's like, "You were my last chance.". - [Noah] Yeah. - That's so weird. I hate people who like cut into someone, in general, but like completely in response to a compliment is wild.

- That's emotional, I don't wanna throw around the word abuse, but that is some definite emotional like neglect. - I hate that she's responding to comments. and not seeing it. - Yeah, that's a huge bummer too. - [Shayne] That sucks. - I did hear a quote the other day, and I know I brought this up to y'all when I heard it, but like it was something like, "Those who are brutally honest enjoy the brutality. "as much as the honesty, maybe even more so.".

And I'm like, I agree with that. Like, there is something to be said about being honest. It's important to be honest in things. Not the time, not the place, not the context. None of that was right. - Yeah, there was no tact. - Also what she's saying is not the truth. 'cause she's unaware of where it was even coming from. Like, she's saying her truth, but it's not the truth. It's not the reality. She's like, "Oh, I was only with you. "because this and this and this.". Like, you need to acknowledge no, you were with him. 'cause you're a bad person and like you used a good person.

Like, I don't know. He is worth more. He's the catch and she's treating him like, "No, I'm the catch and I would've never gone with you. "if I had more opportunity.". - Here's my response to that though. Everybody is getting something out of a relationship. that usually boils down to safety. Somebody wants to date someone bigger. and stronger than them, there's an idea of physical safety. Someone wants to date someone with financial security, there's an idea of like life safety and financial security. and things like that. Someone wants to date someone that'll listen to them, there's emotional security.

There's all sorts of reasons to date someone. and be with a partner, and you just have to be with someone who lines up. with what your wants and needs are. But if you think you're together for emotional and romantic. and loving safety and then it turns out. to only be for finances, that is a huge hit to trust. - Yeah, that's betrayal. - That's Betrayal Legacy, now available on Smosh Games every Sunday. - I don't know where to rank this person. It's kind of hard to rank them. - [Noah] Pits of hell. - We don't have to rank them necessarily, but we can as we go on, we will know by the end who is.

or we will deem someone that we think is the ultimate devil. They're all pretty bad though, so... - Don't hurt a cat. I'm still on don't hurt a cat. - Yeah, don't hurt a cat is still crazy. Let's move on to the next one. "Am I the asshole for teaching my daughter period hygiene. "on a family cruise?". Woo! "Hi, I'm John.". - There we go. (everyone laughs). I was like, why is this gonna be an issue? And then two words in, I'm like, okay.

- I was literally like about to read this, and I'm like, well, how are three guys like, how are three people like. who don't have periods gonna comment on this? And then it starts with, "Hi, I'm John, "a 47-year-old father of four on a family cruise.". So, I'm like, he's not qualified either. Okay, all right. "Hi, I'm John, 47-year-old father of four. "on a family cruise.". - You're doing a voice. - Well, when you open with, "Hi, I'm John,". it's like it's a freeze frame. - It's hard not to do a voice. I'm like really?

Does this guy use Reddit? He's starting it off with "hi.". - He's looking into the camera right now as he's saying it. - "Hi, I'm John. "I'm posting here because my wife and I had a disagreement. "about how I handled a situation. "with our youngest daughter, Sarah, who is 13-years-old. "I admit that I may have overreacted, "but I believe I had good reasons for doing so. "My wife thinks I'm the asshole, but I'm not sure. "Here's what happened. "We were having a good time on the ship, "enjoying the amenities and the sights. "On the second day of the cruise, we went to the water zone.

"where there were several pools and jacuzzis. "and a lot of other families with kids. "We didn't notice that Sarah had had her period that day. "and she didn't tell us either. "After a while we heard a commotion near the pool. "where Sarah was. "We saw that she was crying. "and covering herself with a towel while a lifeguard. "and some other guests were trying. "to clean up a large pool of blood. "It turned out that Sarah had a period accident. "and her tampon had fallen out while she was swimming. "She was mortified and embarrassed and I was furious. "The used tampon was floating in the pool.

"and there was blood everywhere scaring the other kids. "I couldn't believe she had been so careless and unsanitary. "I scolded her in front of everyone. "and took her out of the pool area. "Once we got back to our cabin, "I told Sarah that she was banned from the pools. "for the rest of the cruise. "and that she had to stay in the cabin. "while we went to the pool. "I also took away her cruise card, "which let her charge purchases to the cabin. "and made her eat dinner in the main restaurant. "instead of the specialty restaurants. "where we had reservations.". I also took away her life vest and threw her-.

(everyone laughs). I'm like, what the (beep) is this going? Sorry, I made that one up. But maybe, we'll see what goes on. - Yeah. - "I emphasized that I needed to teach her a lesson. "about being careful and sanitary. "and that she should have known better. "She apologized and promised to be more careful, "but I didn't trust her. "The next day when we went to breakfast, "Sarah saw some staff members talking and laughing, "and then one of them said something about a shark attack. "in the pool. "I laughed along with them and said,

"'Yeah, my daughter got her period in the pool. "and it turned into a scene from Jaws.'. "Sarah heard me and looked mortified again. "My wife told me that I was being cruel and insensitive, "but I said that it was just a joke. "and that Sarah needed to toughen up. "and not be so emotional. "Since then, my wife and I have been arguing. "about whether I was too harsh on Sarah. "She thinks that I punished her unfairly. "and humiliated her in front of strangers. "She also thinks that I should have been more understanding. "and supportive. "and that I should have talked to her privately.

"instead of making a scene. "I admit that I may have overreacted, "but I don't think I'm the asshole. "I love my daughter, "but she needs to learn that actions have consequences. "and that hygiene is important, especially in public places. "So Reddit, am I the asshole for punishing my daughter. "for having a period accident on a family cruise?". This guy's number one for me now. - Yeah, oh my god. - This guy, this story kept going, like-. - Also like, just wanna clarify. for the people who are watching at home, for the first 20 to 30 seconds when I'm laughing,

I was laughing 'cause it was like. where the (beep) is this going? - Oh, it's shock. It's shock. - [Noah] Oh yeah. - And then we get to this part. I think the last US execution. by firing squad was in the '80s. (Shayne laughs). - Oh yeah, no, we're bringing it back. - It's not that long ago. - We're bringing it back. - We can't make that happen. - Like, the punishment was happening actively. when he showed up and she was sobbing. - [Noah] Yeah. - Her life was already ruined in that moment. - He didn't do that for her or her development. He did that for himself. He wanted to save face, and it's proven by looking at the other staff members.

when they were like, "Yeah, something happened in the pool.". He was like, "Oh yeah, like that girl over there.". Like, he's trying to save face for himself. - I (beep) you not, this is a scene out of Family Guy between Peter and Meg. - [Noah] Yeah. - This is 100% a (beep) cartoon. - Dude, this is a Russian dolls. Petrushkas, what are they? Of trauma. You just keep going and going. It just gets worse. - "Oh, an absolutely traumatic thing just happened to you? "You know what? "You're not gonna eat for three days.". - Yeah! - Like, what the (beep). - Locked in the cabin. Is this like the ancient Israelites. where they send someone on a period to a red tent?

That's what they used to do. They would send you, they'd send you off. That's what I was gonna say. - They'd completely just-. - Holy (beep). - Tent for like a week, and you'd go hang out with the other women who were like, "Hey, it's okay, it's okay. "You're gonna get through it.". But that's what that's like. This is some ancient punishment. - No, that's like, this is, I said earlier I don't wanna throw around the word abuse. That was extremely abusive. - [Shayne] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - This man should not, and he has three other kids. He has three other kids. - They're (beep). - [Damien] Oh god.

- I also, and, you know, I've never had a period before, but she had a, like, there was a tampon involved. Like, she did everything right. This was purely an accident. He's punishing her for a full on accident. - 'Cause he's embarrassed. - [Shayne] Yeah. - He's embarrassed and he's taking it out on her. and he has to make it that like, "Don't you ever do this to me again. "You made this happen to me.". - Dude, my god. - Again, no excuses 'cause obviously, but like that's an example of like, what did you go through, sir? Like, how traumatized were you by your parents publicly.

that you think that this is okay 'cause that is-. - Or how is his mother treated? - Yeah, really, that's a better example. Like, unfortunately, like there is just-. - Also in regards to the situation that this is, you're starting it off with a very situation. that is dealt with people who have periods. and your wife is telling you you're an asshole. and you're going, "But I don't think I am. "I'm not gonna listen to that.". - The exact guy. that you're describing would say that though. - Yeah, no. - "Honey, I got this.". - "No, no.".

- "Hey, John here, 43.". (everyone laughs). "Father of four.". - "John, 47.". He also did say youngest daughter, so he has other daughters. - I didn't catch that. - You see this sometimes, there's a joke that I saw on TikTok, but it's just like, hey, you won our free game. Who's going to the retirement home? This guy is never gonna talk to his kids. These comments say everything we're saying. "You're the asshole. "I promise you she didn't intend for her tampon to come out. "And I can also promise you that she wishes it didn't. "When she grows up and never talks to you again,

"this is why you're the asshole. "You shamed your daughter for an accident. "and then punished her over it? "Forget about a college fund. "You should be saving for the years of therapy. "your poor daughter is going to need to recover from this. "and your treatment of her afterwards. "If I was your wife, I'd be calling a divorce lawyer. "the second I got back to the shore.". Someone else is quoting him. "It was careless of her to swim on her period. "in the first place and not to keep us informed. "and not to hold the blood in when it happened.". I forgot that he said that. - He said that? He said-. - How did I-. - "How dare you let the blood out.".

- How did I skip that? So I think he commented that somewhere else. So he said that somewhere along the lines. "Not hold the blood in? "Does he think periods work like (beep)". I guarantee, oh, this guy (beep) works on, I guarantee you this guy is like on a school board council. or some (beep). I guarantee you this guy holds some form of power. - I think you should have to take a test to be a dad. - I agree, I agree. - It should be like, all right, here's female anatomy. Just label two of the parts.

Just label two of the parts. And if you can't-. - [Noah] Left boob, right boob. - To quote Family Guy again, it's like, the doctor who's like, "All right, Meg, let's get a look at that bergina.". (everyone laughs). - "Let's get a look at that bergina.". - This guy is a nightmare. - This is his youngest of the kids, right? So the options are either he's done this. with multiple daughters and has screwed up that many times, given them all complexes, or he's put three other boys into this world.

to learn from this example. - Oh god, no. - Or potentially they're non-binary. But I'm just saying in general, you know this dude is gonna be like, gender rules, gender rules, gender rules. - These kids are gonna find the quickest opportunity. to get out of his life. - Oh yeah, they're gonna help each other leave. Once the oldest one has somewhere to go, like you help each other leave. - Over the wall. - That's the absolute worst. That's the devil so far. All right- - He's the worst for me. - "Am I the asshole for playing a game with my wife?". - Good start. - Hi, John, 47. (everyone laughs).

Hey, John again. (everyone laughs). Okay. "I, a 30-year-old man and my wife, Kate, is 27. "We've been married almost five years. "Kate is amazing and the cutest, sweetest person ever. "I adore her. "Kate is especially cute when she's looking for something. "and can't find it, "walking around with her nose scrunched. "and talking to herself out loud, "sometimes asking the lost object where it's hiding. "About two years ago, "just to watch Kate be adorable looking for stuff,

"I started randomly hiding or moving things, "not all the time, maybe two to three times a week. "Her keys, purse, pen, phone, et cetera. "And every time Kate scrunched her face, talks to herself, "and asks the object where it is. "and why it's hiding from her, "I always help her find it after a few minutes. "or put it back in its regular spot. "and say we must have overlooked it. "Kate is always happy to find what she's looking for, "and I get to enjoy my wife. "being the adorably quirky person she is.". - [Noah] What the... - I think this guy is an elf on the shelf.

(everyone laughs). - Holy shit. - I think this is a kink. I'm just gonna say it. - I mean, he's kinda saying it. He's like, "It's so adorable.". - "I like watching her look.". - "I was hanging out with my sisters recently. "They're both older than me, mid-30s, "and they both love Kate. "We were talking and I told them what I'd been doing, "and they both blew up at me calling me an asshole. "and bad husband. "They said Kate probably feels like she's losing her mind. "and is forgetful and feels really guilty. "over something I'm causing.

"I tried telling them there was no harm. "Kate doesn't know it's me. "But if she says it's negatively impacting her, I'll stop. "I love Kate. "I'd never hurt her. "My oldest sister ended up calling Kate. "while I was driving home. "and told her what I told my sisters. "Kate went off on me. "She's never done that before, "saying I've been making her feel like she's an idiot. "and doubting herself. "She ended up going to her parents, "and they called to yell at me too. "I tried explaining I only do it. "because Kate is so darn adorable when she's a bit frazzled. "and it's only a little joke.

"But they all refuse to listen to me. "I don't feel like I did anything really bad. "Just having some fun that. "in the long run is pretty harmless. "Am I the asshole?". - Yes! Sorry. - My goodness. - Too soon? Are we allowed to answer now? - Yeah-. - Yes! I feel like this person has a fedora and calls her kitten. (everyone groans). - My god. - This is giving me such a vibe. of like ownership, possessiveness. "I'm such a nice guy.". Like, that kind of vibe. You know what I mean? Like, "I would never be mean to you like all those other, "I just want you to be cute and scrunch your little nose.".

(gags). And like they also got together when she was 22. Your brain's not done developing, dog. Like, he was (groans). - She calls back, he's like, "Kate, where are you?". "I don't know, come find me. "I love how you look when I'm not there.". - [Shayne] Damn! Yeah! - Dude, yes. - Dude, (beep) you, man. - That is totally what she should do. She'd be like, "I'm leaving.". Like, "Good luck.". - "Yeah, I love how you look when you are (beep) sad, bro.". (everyone laughs). - "Your wife doesn't exist for your amusement. "Your game is one-sided bullshit.

"And while you get to enjoy frustrating your partner, "she is rightfully pissed, "and you've been doing this two or three times a week. "for two years? "The way you write about her is incredibly gross. "You're the asshole and a trash husband.". I think that's, for me a lot of times like Am I The Asshole posts are worded. in a way to like justify, but people cannot hide the way they talk. about their partner. - [Damien] Yep. - And they can't hide if they're demeaning. towards their partner. or if they're infantilizing their partner. And this is some-. - Infantilizing is a good word. It's weird.

- It's so weird. It's like, "Oh, she's so cute when she's lost.". It's like, bro, what? Like, she's trying to go about her day. - He did describe her in a very like youthful way. Like, this is creepy. - No, it's really creepy. - This is someone else responding. "My grandmother had really bad Alzheimer's. "Most everyone in my family is terrified. "we'll also develop it. "I also have ADHD, which causes me to have memory issues. "If my husband played this game with me, "I would probably be having constant panic attacks. "and melting down on the inside. "to point of affecting my mental health.".

And what I will also point out. is this guy clearly is not very attentive. to his wife's emotions because he was going, "Oh, it's adorable and it's fine, it's harmless,". and it's like oh, she was clearly really bothered. and he probably just wasn't paying attention. to how much it was actually affecting her. - I don't know. I think he was paying attention in a very weird way. - I think he was paying attention. to like certain mannerisms of hers, but probably not the long term. Like, it clearly was bothering her. - I've had partners who have had ADHD,

and I've seen that like, you know, cartoons make you think it's one thing. and it's like you're hyper, and like no it can really, you know, frustrate you. - Dude, yeah. And also like a prank is funny once. When you're doing something two to three times a week. for two years, that is psychotic. You're Jigsaw. You're Jigsaw now. - Jigsaw would be pissed. - Literally when he's like, "I wanna play a game with my wife,". I was like, is this gonna be a Jigsaw situation? - That is how it opened with. That's crazy. - All right, hate that guy.

That guy's just a weirdo. All right. "Am I the asshole for joking with my brother-in-law. "that he married the wrong sister. "in front of my pregnant sister and making her cry?". - Is there any more to this or? - So that's it. So this is a 25-year-old woman. "So my sister, who's 29, her husband, 28, "and I visited our parents. "My sister and her husband got married two years ago. "Before that they dated for around another two years. "They're currently expecting their first child. "When they got together,

"even they used to joke about how different they were. "My sister says that opposites do attract. "when referring to her relationship. "They met through some common friends and they hit it off, "but they have completely different points of views. "in almost everything. "They don't have any shared hobbies. "They don't even like the same kinds of movies. "For example, my sister is very athletic, she loves sports, "and when she was in school she won several awards. "due to her dedication. "Her husband on the other hand hates sports. "For what he told me, "he always faked to be sick to avoid PE. "I can relate to that, LOL. "His hobbies are more into the creative side.

"He likes to draw and does it very good, for example. "I can say that my brother-in-law. "and I have lots of stuff in common, "and I love to talk with him about our hobbies. "when we visit each other. "I love drawing too and I actually work as an animator. "I also love to watch movie series and criticize them. "He does as well. "My sister likes movies, "but she'd rather watch a superhero movie, "she's a Marvel fan, or some comedy than a drama. "At this point it had been some time.

"since I saw both my parents and my sister, her husband, "as I live in a different state, "so I was trying to catch up with each of them. "We were all chatting. "We then started talking about the Oscars. "I don't even know how the conversation took that turn. "My brother-in-law asked me if I had seen The Whale. "I was like, 'You're kidding, of course I saw it,'. "and we started talking about it. "Then he said that he had tried to get my sister. "to watch the movie with him, "but she said it was boring and left after 15 minutes. "So I said, 'Well, you married the wrong sister,'.

"and he said, 'Yeah, I guess so.'. "My parents, him, and I laughed, but we stopped laughing. "when we realized my sister wasn't laughing too. "She was just looking disoriented I guess, "and suddenly she started crying. "She excused and said she was going to the bathroom. "My mom went with her. "We were very worried and weirded out too, "so the three of us also went to check on her shortly after. "When she came outta the bathroom, "she said that what we, brother-in-law and I, "did was very insensitive. "and made her feel like she wasn't enough for him.

"We said that's not what we intended. "and that we just wanted to joke around as we usually do. "We didn't mean to hurt her. "She's better now, but still seems a bit upset, "especially to me. "I tried making small talk but she just brushes me off. "My mom told me. "that since she's pregnant she may have gotten. "overly emotional because of the hormones. "She also said it's best to give her some space. "and to not do jokes like that anymore. "Both my mom and my sister. "are making me feel like I'm an asshole.".

- Not your actions? (everyone laughs). - [Noah] Yeah, really, not your own conscience? - You know what, it's less the action and more, once again, how she's describing her sister. and her husband's relationship is justifying. like that what she did was shitty. Like, it's not like, oh, like no, they're great together and stuff. Like, it's all these weird justifications. She's describing them as being so different, but it's really like small thing. Like, oh, he likes these kinds of movies and she doesn't. It's like, okay, that's not a huge difference.

between people. - Yeah. It sounds like they were in a functional relationship. - Yeah. And it does kind of sound like she, a little part of her does believe that. She's like, "I love talking to him. "We get along so well. "We have so much in common and I joked that,". you know, like here's the deal, 'cause like if that is the case and they get along so well, you know, I don't know their lives, but that is probably something. the sister picked up on before. and there might be some insecurity there. And there's a lot of ways you can feel like inadequate. to a partner. There's a lot of ways to get,

like emotional cheating is a thing. That's not it necessarily, but like at the same time it's like in front of your face, being like, "Yeah, I guess so.". Like, fuck him too. - Yeah, no, he was not aware of any, oh god. - Without more context, right? I would say this is a perfect example of like assholes. Like, that's assholes. Other stories that we've read today are like monsters. - Don't spray cat. - 'Cause someone said, "Everyone in this post, "except your sister, is a major asshole. "Who the (beep) says, 'I guess so,'.

"in front of his pregnant wife. "about picking the wrong sister? "I hope she dumps his ass. "and goes low to no contact with all of you. "You have no respect for her.". Someone else said, "Why would anyone even make a joke like that. "about a sibling's partner? "Gross.". - Yeah, that's rough. - [Shayne] You're the asshole. - You can just be their friend. Like, why do you have to like replace your sister? - It's a weird thing to say. It's a weird thing to say. "You're the asshole. "So how long have you had a crush on him?". - Yeah. - Yep. And also if she's willing to say something like that, like how long has she been making little digs like that.

at her sister? Like, showing some way that she actually could take power. from her sister in some way. You know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah. - Like, that's gotta be-. - It's not the first time you've done that, yeah. - Hell no. - That's a good point. - All right, next story. "Why I believe orgasms shouldn't matter to men.". - I have a feeling this is not gonna be about men's orgasms. - Yeah. - This is from Unpopular Opinion. - Oh yeah. (crew laughs). - Dude, just tell us you can't make a woman cum.

- Yeah, really though. - "As we know, "most women cannot orgasm through normal PIV sex,". penis in vagina sex. "This shows that it really doesn't-". (everyone laughs). "This shows that it doesn't really matter. "and shouldn't really matter from an evolutionary. "or reproductive standpoint. "Allow me to explain further. "When it comes to men, there is an evolutionary importance. "to us having an orgasm. "Under most normal circumstances when a healthy man orgasms, "he ejaculates and releases semen,

"which of course has a reproductive purpose, "and that's the reason why orgasm is so easy for us men. "through penetrative sex.". Especially me, it takes like two seconds. (everyone laughs). - No, you added that, right? - I added that. - Okay. - "It's because it practically necessary for us. "to orgasm inside of a woman. "in order for us to release semen inside of a woman. "This is not the case for women. "A woman does not need to orgasm. "in order to accept a man's penis. "nor to accept a man's semen/sperm.

"Think about it. "If having an orgasm. "for women had the same reproductive importance. "that it did for men, "don't you think women would orgasm, cum. "far more consistently through penetrative sex? "Now if a woman is able to come regularly. "through normal penetrative sex, "there's a minority that can, "that's great for them and I feel happy for those women. "However, I honestly believe it's not men's responsibility. "to correct or figure out a woman's biological disadvantage. "in the same way that it's not women's responsibility to fix.

"or even care about any of man's biological disadvantages, "generally having higher sex drives than women. "It's not women's responsibility to cure or fix that. "For example, it's not a woman's responsibility. "to cover up her body during summertime. "just because a man has testosterone flowing. "through his veins on the verge of getting a boner. "That's his problem.". (crew laughs). "Just to clarify, I'm not saying because of this. "men should not pursue giving their women orgasms. "However, what I am saying.

"is that it's not men's responsibility, "nor should men care about it. "because it's not men's problems.". - Sir, what? (crew laughs). - Don't give him sir. - You're right. - Don't give him sir. - Douchebag, what? (crew laughs). - The problem is this guy's an incel, so his quick little free the nipple thing is, I don't really trust where it's coming from. - He's trying to prove to his friends he's had sex before. with this post. - Oh my god. - That's insane on so many levels. - Just say you've never given a woman an orgasm. Also, two things.

There is more to sex than PIV, penetration. There's a lot of lead up and that's all part of it. Two, not everybody has sex for reproduction purposes. - Yeah, I think, yeah... - I mean, by his logic evolutionarily, he shouldn't be allowed to live. because my hands are able to go around his throat and hold. (everyone laughs). Just saying. Just saying. Like, dude, what the (beep). - Someone said, "Tell me you're an incel. "without telling me you're an incel.". Yeah, we knew that immediately. - The incel thing is not the same. as somebody like not ever having sex or whatever.

- [Shayne] Oh yeah. - Or not wanting sex. - It's like not the same as making fun of someone being, like, or not wanting sex. The incel thing is being like, "Well, let me tell you how this is supposed to work. "in my favor because as a human beast, I...". - Right, right. Someone can be a virgin, that's fine. Someone cannot have sex, that's fine. It's the way this guy thinks he has authority. and the knowledge of how women operate and how they should. - And all women. He just made a claim of all women. - "Well, there's a minority who can orgasm.".

- Oh yes. "I've never met them.". - "I'm aware of them.". - Yeah. - "They exist.". - Somewhere. - With the chupacabra and manticore. - No, a virgin can be a Chad. A virgin can be an absolute champion. - But he can't be a giga Chad. (everyone laughs). - I don't even know how you get that. Okay, someone said this to OP. "I fell down the rabbit hole reading your other posts. "and comments. "Vastly entertaining if anyone here is bored. "You've apparently had sex twice. "Dude, calm the (beep) down.

"It takes practice. "Of course you're bad in bed, "but you won't be getting any more action. "unless you're willing to try. "If you get any more experience, "you'll soon learn sex isn't just P in V.". - There we go. - "Two times too many. "Those poor women.". (everyone laughs). Someone else said, "He's got experience in penis enlargement though apparently, "but not sure it worked out okay. "Looks for advice on getting an extra half inch. "Not sure he's hitting the sweet spot somehow?". Oh wow. His comment is deleted. But he was also looking and commenting.

in penis enlargement threads and stuff. I don't feel sorry for this guy. He's an absolute asshole. What does happen for I think a lot of guys. is they subscribe fully to the side of the internet. that tells them exactly how to be a man, and this guy thinks this is the manliest post, and he thinks like, this is how it works. and this is how I need to be. - This is how an alpha thinks. This is how a sigma thinks. - He doesn't realize that he is solidifying his,

he'll never have sex again if he continues this. - He's dug his own grave. - [Shayne] Yeah, absolutely. - He's absolutely dug his own grave. And, again, like there is no shame. in not having a lot of sex. That doesn't define your masculinity, femininity, gender in any possible way. It's just a matter of like he's trying to own this. and be the authority and be like, "Because of evolution, because of who we are as animals, "I'm entitled to this and you don't get to have that.". (beep) this guy. - No, no, straight up this guy, look-. - Well, don't (beep) this guy.

- Yeah, don't (beep) this guy. - I cannot emphasize this enough, nobody (beep) this guy. - Please do not (beep) this guy. Look, unless this guy is able. to figure out penis enlargement and get his dick big enough. to fit into his own ass, he's never getting action ever again. - Never. - All right, moving on. - Also, there's yoga. (everyone laughs). - Well, be flexible. Okay, this is from r/legaladvice. - Oh god. - All right, buddy, let's do this. - Okay. "I gave out my employee's contact info, "plus address, full name to a guest that won't stop coming. "and asking for her even when she doesn't know this man.

"I was told she reported me to the police, "but isn't that legal for me giving this man public info?". This is in Georgia. "I am 40s, she is 20s, and this man is 65.". (Damien screams). "He comes in every day asking for her. "She has told him to (beep) off, "'You're not in your 20s like me, you ugly creep.'. "He told me and I wrote her up, which she refused to sign. "She has been here one month. "and this guy has got attracted to her,

"which she calls him ugly and old, "and I can see the pain in him. "She does not know him. "He has been coming to our gas station daily. "for the two years I've worked here-". - Gas station! Sorry. I'm so sorry. - "She is out today and for two more days. "He came in asking where she was, "so I gave him her full name, phone, and address. "He said he went to her address and rang the doorbell. "He said, she answered and said, 'Be right back,'. "grabbed some wasp spray and told him to (beep) off. "and sprayed him in the eyes.". - Yes. - "Is that not illegal? "But I wanted this guy to stop asking.

"where she was the days she not work here. "She said he can go to hell. "and wants him to stop hitting on her at work. "or she'll quit without a two weeks. "But nothing I can do.". Oh my god. - Jail. Jail. - Yeah, yeah. You're an accessory. That's an accessory. Actually, you might even be the organizer at that point. 'cause you gave the information. - Yeah. - The only defenses is this guy. is maybe the dumbest human I've ever heard. - That is true. He might actually just be so stupid. - [Shayne] Not a defense. He's dumb and also stupid. - You can be criminally stupid.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You just go to a different prison. - Holy (beep). That's terrifying. This actually like rocks me 'cause I hate that so much. Holy (beep). - Why is your first instinct not to report the-. - If you're tired of hearing it, tell him he can't come into your gas station anymore. - Yeah. - This is a young woman who works for him. He does not view her as a person. She is an object, and because someone is coming in and annoying him about her, well, now she's a problem for him. - He also said, "I see the pain in his eyes.". You relate to the 65-year-old stalker?

- He's an older man. - You're right. - So he's like, "Yeah, game recognize game. "I get it. "I see how much that hurts.". - "We're both weird creeps.". - "I too don't get to be with a 22-year-old. "'cause I'm in my 40s.". - Yeah. - The comments. "I put a woman's life at risk, but it's fine, right? "Right, guys?". Someone else said, "I work at a quilt shop. "All of my coworkers are retired ladies. "Most of our clients are retired ladies. "Because of this, none of my coworkers have any qualms. "about giving out our numbers and schedules, "and it makes me feel crazy.

"If a little old lady showed up at my house on my day off, "I'd be furious.". Look, I think it's never, you cannot ever give out someone's info. without their consent. - Absolutely not. - No, there's no situation, like no matter how much, even if it's someone they know, like I don't care. - I've gotten DMs from like really like avid Smosh fans. asking for like y'all's numbers. And after the first few times, I was like starting to feel bad. (everyone laughs). And I realized like, you can't do that. - Funny.

(everyone laughs). - After I gave it out I was like, dang. - I was like, dang, maybe I shouldn't have. - God, I really hope, I hope that situation went okay. I hope it's fake. That's one of those that I hope is fake. - It's not. - Dude, I'm sorry, I'm from Georgia. Like, this is not a judgment from everybody on Georgia, but like that happens to people. Whether or not that's fake, that has happened. That's happened this week. - All right, this is the last one. "Am I the asshole for telling my wife I'm moving? "It is up to her if she is coming with me or not.".

- Go on. (everyone laughs). - I'm listening. - Proceed. - "My wife and I have been married for six years. "and have two kids under five. "We live on the east coast in a two bedroom small house. "Cost of living here is insane. "My parents moved down south a few years ago. "My mother called me up a few weeks ago. "to tell me about a house in their community. "that is up for sale. "They're good friends with the owner. "and can get us a good deal for the house. "To me this sounds amazing. "Everything there is cheaper, "and we will have more space and more bedrooms for our kids.

"I work from home, so I talked to work. "and I would be able to keep my job no problem. "My wife would need to leave hers, "but I could cover us until she finds a new one. "I contacted a real estate agent to get an estimate. "on how much we can get for our house here, "and it's a good amount and would make the move easy. "Once I had everything worked out, "and I was sure it was a good idea, "I brought it up to my wife. "She was totally against it immediately. "She doesn't wanna leave her job, "she doesn't wanna move the kids away from her family, "and she doesn't wanna leave her friends.

"I explained to her. "that when she puts her selfish reasons aside, "this was a great opportunity for our kids. "We will have more money and more space and a big backyard, "and we'll be close to my parents. "so our kids won't be without family. "She said no, there was no chance. "Her life is here and has been her entire life, "and she has no intentions to change that. "I was pissed and slept on the couch that night. "I spent all night thinking about it. "and came to the decision. "that if she doesn't want to do the right thing by our kids, "I will.

"I laid it out for her. "It was up to her if she wanted to move, "but I had made the decision to move. "She could either come with me or we could divorce. "We could sell the house, split it, "and I will use my half for my new home down south, "and she can do whatever she can with her half up here. "Probably would have to rent. "We would also have to work out custody of our kids. "I told her she has a month to make the decision, "but I was going to start the process. "and get all my business in order. "She told me I was being crazy.

"and has only been speaking to me about the kids. "for the last week. "I have been in contact with the seller of the new house. "and I'm setting things in motion. "My parents told me I'm doing the right thing. "and looking out for my kids. "I ran it by my friends who told me I am being an asshole. "for expecting my wife to change her entire life. "But this is what is best for our kids, "and I think she needs to grow up, stop being selfish, "and think of our kids.". - Oh my god. How long have you been secretly. just the world's worst person?

- Yeah, that's a solid one. - "See, I was pissed my wife had an opinion.". - Yeah. - "And I was like, why are you doing that?". - "She doesn't get it. "For the kids, we can move down south. "and I can get a Corvette.". - Yeah. "She doesn't understand. "I can have a bigger home for our kids.". - Yeah, so here's the interesting thing about this post. This post did the best so far at setting things up. in their favor for the longest amount of time. They're like, "Here are the problems. "with our current living situation. "All these solutions are making themselves available. "In fact, it would work out this way, this way, this way,

"this way and this way, and I'm doing it for our kids.". And I was like, great. And then it was like, "But my wife would have to leave her family. "and her job, which she enjoys.". We don't know what her career is. "And the kids have all these friends here.". And I'm like, yeah, great. Like, and then he is just like, "Well, what's done is done.". I'm like, damn. - Also the balls for him to be like, "Well, you know, we'll sell the house 50/50. "and then we'll work out custody.". It's like, if I was the judge, I'd be like, "She's got the house and she's got the kids. "Enjoy renting down south, bro.

"Live with your parents.". - "Yeah, no I'm thinking about the kids, you know, "like we should be divorced. "We should have to have them-". - [Damien] "I'll take one, you take the other.". - "We should have to have them move up and down.". - "Actually I'd like half of both. "Could we fuse them to make a new kid?". - We'll have them wrastle for it. - Yeah. - You know what's the most telling sentence in this. is early on when he is talking about devising, like figuring this all out, he goes, "Once I had had everything worked out. "and I was sure it was a good idea, "I brought it up to my wife.". - Ew, I missed that. - I'm like, so you did everything and you made the decision.

and then you included your partner. I'm like, that's, no. You need to bring her in from the very get-go. This guy, it's sad to say, like mentally he's been single their entire marriage. Like, he has never, he's never stopped. - Wow, good way to put it. - That's not a partnership at all. - He's never been in a relationship with her. He thinks like she works for him. - Is he trying to get divorced? 'Cause that's how you, you should just ask for divorce. - If he's that easily able to get a divorce. to make that decision, it's like damn. He doesn't love you. Like, he doesn't respect you. - They need you out of their life,

so they stop wasting time on you. - I always do feel sad when like, you know, like I'm sure there's gonna be comments that are like, and like I'm not saying no, like, that'll be like you need to divorce him and stuff. 'Cause I always feel bad for the kids. I'm like, god, the kids get punished for that. But also... - But also like, look, kids, I've heard this from a lot of kids. I know divorce wreaks havoc on a family, but I have heard this from a lot of people. They're like, if you stayed together for the kids, didn't benefit the kids. Like, we saw that (beep). We had to experience that (beep). And already they're under five. It's like if this isn't gonna work.

and that's the type of person he is. - It's an absolute. like nightmare flag. - You're right. That's the worst possible bandaid to rip off. But sooner than later, man. - Yeah. - "'She's so selfish,' says the man expecting his family. "to give up their entire lives. "so he can move closer to mommy. "Classic mama's boy who jumps as soon as mommy suggests it. "There's not even a guarantee that he'll even get the house. "In this market, people are paying tens of thousands. "over appraisal from their own pockets to secure housing. "Say nothing for the fact that if he divorces his wife,

"he won't have the money or security lenders expect. "when offering home loans. "He's so goddamn stupid. "I hope he falls flat on his face, "ends up having to move in with dear old ma, "and ends up seeing his kids. "less than a quarter of the year.". Someone else said, "Good luck getting custody. "if your kids and ex stay in their home state. "and good luck affording any house. "once child support and alimony is established. "But I'm starting to see why his wife. "definitely doesn't wanna leave her support system, LMAO.". - Absolutely. - "Honestly, good luck affording anything.

"This dude is obviously moving to Florida. "and our prices are crazy, but in a secret way. "Our groceries, insurances, health, life, car, "and homeowners and utilities are all skyrocketing. "to the point these idiot transplants can't afford to stay. "They aren't actually noticing an improvement. "in quality of life.". Wow, yeah. Yeah, this guy- - That's wild. - I mean, look, like I said, it's that one sentence. He made the decision. and he didn't include his wife on the decision making. - His parents were down with it, I guess? - His parents sound awful.

And it sounds like they've justified his (beep) behavior. his whole life. - And also like if he is talking to his parents. and his wife is not a part of the conversation, he could be saying anything to the parents. Like, again, you can set it up and lead in however you want. And like, look, it sounds like the living situation. they're in right now isn't ideal. It's a bit of a small space for a four person family. But like that's something you work out with your partner. You're like, "Would you be open to moving? "Could we potentially downsize here. "so that we can move over there?". Like, you know, "There's one town over, "you could still work at your job,

"but, you know, it's a little bit cheaper town.". Instead he's like, "Nah, let's move across the country.". - Yeah. - Those are not the only two options. - No, absolutely not. - Extremely selfish. - Like, ultimatums are like already a red flag. But something like that is like, yo, you are insane. - [Shayne] No, no. - Ultimatums are for like, "You can't treat me like that anymore,". or like, "In order to keep us safe, you have to like, "we have to consult each other about financial decisions. "Like, we have to do these things.". Not like, "Welp, you're moving with me or you lose it.". - Yeah.

- "I'm moving to Barcelona. "You better come with or (beep) you.". - How awful that he's also just like, "You have a month to decide.". Like, outta nowhere just like, "Hey, change your whole life for me.". - Well, you know what he's banking on. He's banking on that she will have no other choice. but to do it because he's probably aware. at least in some capacity of like, "Okay, I'll have to pay alimony and I will have less, "I won't have a second income anymore to afford this house. "Lenders won't wanna lend to me.". He's like, "She's gonna do it. "I'm just gonna force her. "I'm gonna manipulate her into doing this.". Which is even worse.

- He's a devil. - That is a devil. - So we have had some absolute monsters today. - Oh my god, my heart is like pounding. - Yeah, we've done a bunch of these episodes, and these are truly some of the worst people. we've ever come across. We don't need to pick who is the ultimate devil. We can just throw them all in the trash. - [Noah] They're all demons. - I think the cat that rolled over is a (beep) asshole. - That cat! That freaking cat! We have tickets for the Eras tour in the-. - [Noah] Oh, no way!

- Description. (everyone laughs). - No, actually you know what? If it makes it better, we at Smosh will come to your in-law's funeral. If it helps you feel better, we will take your place at any in-laws funeral. - We'll do it. - Will they have an open bar at the wake? I don't even drink, I just wanna watch people do it. (everyone laughs). Be like, what you get, pina colada? Yeah. I heard Eric loved them. - Pour one out, am I right? - I'm glad you guys could be here. You offered up some great, I mean, the opinions I think were easy. - Yeah. - 'Cause like these we knew pretty much.

- There was no debate needed. - There was no debate on any of these. - In which ways do we want to kill these men? - Yeah, really. - But thank you both for being here. - Yeah, man. - And we'll keep on doing this. So thank you guys for watching and continue to, you know, let us know if you find a crazy Reddit story, put it on the Smosh Reddit, send it to our Twitter. I don't know. Or just talk about it. Just Reddit's crazy. Explore it at your own risk. - [Noah] Yeah. - 'Cause there are some nightmare people out there.

Have a good day. Don't be an asshole. - And if you're 13, don't have a period! (everyone laughs).