Am I The Ally? | Reading Reddit Stories

- Hello and welcome to "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.". I'm Shayne, and today is our annual Pride episode. - Whoo! - Yeah. It's a party. And I'm joined by two lovely people. I'm joined by Chanse. - [Crew] Yay! - And a good friend of Smosh, Jared Goldstein is here. Hello. - Why did you guys ask me to do this one? - What? - I don't, I don't... - It's just we thought that you would enjoy the episode.

- Oh. Sure, yeah. - Thought you'd be a fan of that. Just thought, you know... Jared, this is technically the second "Reddit Stories". that we've done together. - [Jared] Yes. - When this is airing. (Jared laughs). - Yeah. - But tomorrow, as of recording this, we're gonna be doing "Reddit Live.". - Yes, we are. - So we'll see how that goes. But by the time this airs-. - This will be the second. - We'll have known that it went great. - Yeah. - The audience loved it. - Whoa. - Yes. Yes.

And all those prize giveaways. - Oh yes. (crew laughs). All the cars. - Yes. Yes. - That we drive into the audience. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're gonna love it. Anyways, is this our fourth Pride episode? - Wow. - We've been doing this show forever. - That's a long time to be doing Pride. (everyone laughs). - I feel like these have become the big episode of the year, I feel like. I don't know. - There's a lot of gays on Reddit. - Guess so. - We're everywhere now.

- [Shayne] Yeah. Yeah. - But we always were. - Always were. But mainly on Reddit. Jared, how familiar with Reddit are you? - I'm pretty familiar with Reddit. I use it mostly to look at purses. - Oh. Very specific. - Yeah, that's kind of my main use for Reddit right now. - Well, very cool. Well, we're gonna be diving. into all sorts of parts of Reddit, but all of it having to do with Pride of some sort. I've been informed that some of these stories. are your typical Reddit stories.

Just might have a couple who's gay in it. - Oh. - So... - I hope there's some straight pride in here too. (everyone laughs). - The worst prank we ever pull, we do a Pride episode and they're all just straight. - Oh, that's funny. - And we just don't acknowledge it. - People would be pissed. - Just like, anyways, so... All right. (crew laughs). Let's hop into our first story here. Our first story comes from Today I (beep) Up, and it was posted in September of 2020, and they write, "Today I (beep) up by having sex. "with the father of a woman I dated at a later date.".

- Whoa. - Damn. - That's like us. with this second recording coming before this. - Yes. Before the live show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very similar. They write, "Okay, so yeah, it's messed up. "This happened years ago. "A few years ago, I met a bisexual dude. "who was around 25 years older than me. "I was 23 at the time. "We met through an app similar to Grindr. "We meet up, hook up, and that's the end of it. "Never met again. "Around two weeks or so later, "I started dating this 20-year-old girl.

"Things are going okay. "And about three weeks into the relationship, "we are walking through a park. "when she stops me and tells me that her dad is there. "and I should meet him. "It's a bit soon, sure, "but it's not formal or anything, so I agree. "Lo and behold, her daddy is the dude. "that was calling me daddy a few weeks back. "We both freeze and stare at each other in absolute horror, "not knowing what to say. "We awkwardly shake hands, "and the girl attributes it to nervousness. "Two weeks go by, and one day she calls me to meet up. "When I get there, she is absolutely fuming.

"Like, I can literally see smoke coming out of her ears. "She goes off on me. "about how I could possibly do this to her. "I obviously have zero clue what she's on about. "She tells me that her dad came clean to her and her mom. "about being bisexual and told his daughter, my girlfriend, "to break up with me so he can be with me.". - Whoa. - "And apparently it was my fault. "because I was the one that turned him gay. "So she throws a plastic container at me and storms off. "Never heard from any of them again.".

(Chanse laughs). - Bussy so good. - So good. (everyone laughs). So good. Also, I love the, "I obviously have no idea what she's so mad about.". (everyone laughs). - What even happened, dude? - Whoa. - This is not the first, this is one of like five stories we've read. of like a person hooking up with someone's parents. from the past and not realizing it and-. - Yeah. - Yeah. There was a threesome story that was real crazy.

- DNA is powerful. (crew laughs). - Yeah. He has a type. - Yeah. - If the dad had not confessed to the daughter, and he's like, "Okay, the dad and I have this secret, "daughter doesn't know.". - That's a rom-com, but keep going. (crew laughs). - There's still no world that that relationship can work. You gotta break up. You can't harbor that secret. - You can't harbor that secret. - No, you gotta go. - [Chanse] No. - That's too much. - You gotta go or... Well, the dad already knows, so-. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And that's like the most extreme version of it.

Like, I don't think there's any version of like, if you dated someone's sibling and then you're dating, like that would be tough. Like, there's no, there's just, it's like, too much. - Yeah. - Gotta bounce. - But then it's like, can you figure it out? - I just imagine every holiday, every birthday dinner, you're just sitting across from that guy you hooked up with, with that girl you're hooking up with. (everyone laughs). That's like, you can't. No!

Though it is kind of, it is a little hot, like just as like a thought experiment. Like, I'm thinking, like, I keep like kind of thinking, going like, "Well, this sounds cool,". but it's a bad thing. - The idea of it I could see people be like, "Yeah, all right, it is a play,". but in real life, yeah, no. - Yeah, no, no. - There's also the fact that the dad is married, so it's an affair. But also that the dad confesses and then says, "Hey, you need to break up with him. "so that I can be with him.". - Yeah, no. - Damn. - The dad wants the daughter to break up.

This dad is like... - 25 years is a lot of years. - That's a lot of years. - That's a lot of years. - He's 23, and the dad is 48. - [Chanse] 58. - Or 50. Yeah. - 48. Yeah. - Just roughly around that age, so that's a big, there's a lot. There's a lot of layers to this. - [Chanse] Yeah. - And then you add on top, of course, that the daughter is saying like that he made him gay. - Yeah. - So, you know, and I understand she's in a very heated moment, but still, it's just like, hey. And don't throw plastic containers at people.

You know? - Don't throw plastic. - Styrofoam if you have to. - Even if someone has sex with your dad, come on, don't throw a plastic container at him. Don't do that. We've got some comments here. Someone said, "This sounds like a plot to a porn movie. "without the happy ending.". - I mean, it's almost "Euphoria.". - I was gonna say, this is making me think of "Euphoria.". - Oh. - 'Cause yeah, that's-. - It's close. - [Bailey] Jules. - Hunter Schaeffer's character and-. - [Bailey] And Nate's dad. - Yeah, yeah. I remember that scene.

Yeah. They're at like a carnival, right? - Yeah. - And when they meet and he's just like, "Hey. All right.". - [Bailey] And he drops the chili! - Yes! - Oh yeah. - This is just "Euphoria.". (crew laughs). Someone said, "Biggest oof is him telling your girlfriend. "to break up with you so he could be with you. "That's on him, not you. "He had stuff to work through for sure. "Rough luck. "Try not to think of yourself as a homewrecker. "because none of this is on you.". Lastly, someone said, "The horrors. "Hopefully you don't have recurring nightmares.

"from this horrific experience. "Best of luck, OP. "Hopefully daddy doesn't come looking. "for more action from you. "Must have been good. "if he wanted to leave his family for you. "Bright side thoughts.". - Sure, sure. - Honestly, a glowing review of the guy. - Yeah. Truly. At least you walk away feeling pretty good about yourself. in some ways. But get as far away as possible. - That's something to be proud of this June. (everyone laughs). - Yeah. All right.

A crazy story. I don't know much else to say. - It's just like-. - What else do you say? - Okay, it was me. I do wanna say. - Jared, we brought you here because we know. - We got him. - We got you. Today's episode of "Reddit Stories" is sponsored by Quince. The summer is really starting to heat up here in California. No, literally. It's so hot. It's hard to decide how to dress. when I wanna look good on set, but need pieces that I'm not going to sweat through. That's why you keep seeing me come back to Quince.

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Quince.com/pitreddit. Back to the show. Our next story comes from Am I The Asshole. This was posted in March of 2020. They write, "Am I the asshole. "for not telling a bunch of random women I'm gay?". - Oh. - "So I, a 23-year-old man turning 24 soon, am gay. "I've been out since I was 18, and I've never hidden it, "but I don't like actively mentioning it or broadcasting it. "because it's literally nobody's business. "The first person I came out to was my dad, who's 40,

"and he has always been supportive of me. "He was 16 when I was born. "and practically raised me as a single dad, "so we have an exceptionally close relationship. "Anyway, onto the story. "My dad recently turned 40, only earlier this month. "He had a huge party and drank a bit too much. "and was severely hungover the following morning. "He's a freelance photographer. "and had accepted a contract with a local business. "and was meant to hand in some photography work. "he'd done for them The morning after his birthday. "He was too hungover to do so, so he asked if I'd do it.

"He called their office. "to tell them he was sending his son with the work. "And I went in. "Everything was fine, "and I ended up meeting a bunch of people. "he's currently working with. "They knew I was my dad's son. "as he talks about me with them. "I had some conversation with them to be nice, "and a few of the younger women started flirting with me? "A few of them called me attractive and stuff like that. "And I kind of just stood there awkwardly. "It was just wild that straight women were hitting on me. "I didn't encourage it or anything, "but I didn't say anything as I was too embarrassed. "And I eventually said I had to run off, and off I went.

"My dad went in the day after, "and he was questioned about if I was single. "He said, no, I wasn't, and that I had a boyfriend, "and that was all he said. "Well, turns out these women. "then started blatantly calling me an asshole. "as I apparently let them embarrass themselves. "by openly hitting on me. "when there was no chance I'd ever be interested. "My dad did fight in my corner. "and said that I was literally there. "to just drop off his work. "and that I had no obligation to disclose I was gay. "I'm thankful my dad's on my side,

"but these women calling me an asshole. "kind of makes me feel bad for not saying anything. "Am I the asshole?". - Who are these women? - Damn. The hell? - Again, it was me. I was-. - [Shayne] The (beep)? - I was mad. - Wow. He walks in there. and they're just like, they're like, "Whoo!". - Yeah, they must-. - Get over here! They're like, "You're not interested in us? "What the (beep)?". - (beep). - You (beep) monster. - Yeah. - It's like so if he had a girlfriend, it would've been no different. - Yeah.

I think that he is the asshole. because if it's March of 2020, you shouldn't be going into the office. - You're right. This is like 10 days after-. - Yes. - Lock down. - You should be social distancing. - Yeah. Get away from him. - You're crazy. Don't tell anyone anything. - Regardless of orientation, you stay away. - Yeah. - That is so funny. - But you definitely don't have to, you can definitely get hit on. and you don't have to disclose your sexuality. - No. - [Chanse] No. - Wait, can I tell a story. about the time the hottest girl ever hit on me?

- Of course you can tell a story. - Okay, I... So the hottest girl ever hit on me. (crew laughs). And then she asked me outright if I was gay. and in a panic, I said no. - [Chanse] Okay. - I lied, I said no. And then I ran away. And then I ran to my friend and I was like, "This beautiful girl is hitting on me. "And she asked me if I was gay. "and I told her that I wasn't.". And then my friend was like, "Why did you do that?". And I was like, "I don't know. "I just, just give me a minute. "I think I can figure this out.". (everyone laughs).

I was like-. - I can figure out how to stop. - How to be straight. Like, you don't say no to this woman. She's gorgeous! - But it is a spectrum. And you did say this woman was hot, so there could be a part of you where it's like, if I say yes right now, it's shutting down this window. She's asking, 'cause she's like, "Are you interested in me?". She should have said like something else, not, "Are you gay?". But it sounds like you were attracted-. - That's really interesting, yeah, that she like blatantly flirted with you. and then was like, "All right, so by the way, "is this hitting?". - Yeah, she could kind of tell.

She could tell. I mean, hello. She could tell. But basically like I kind of, I hid from her for the rest of the night. We had exchanged information. We did ultimately become friends. And then about a month later I had to tell her, "Hey, I'm gay. "I've been openly gay for a while. "I was just really flattered that you were interested in me. "and when you asked me if I was gay, I lied.". And we're still friends to this day. - What did she say to that? - She just got married. - What did she say? - She was really flattered. We had a good laugh about it. - Okay.

- Yeah. - Okay. So was she hitting on you with the purpose. of wanting to date or was she just like, she's flirty? - She wanted to marry me. - (beep), dude. - She wanted all of this. - [Shayne] Damn. - (laughs) Yeah. - Damn. Well, hey. It's a compliment. - Yeah. Yeah. It was flattering for both of us, I think. - Actually Courtney just sent me a TikTok that were like, "Gay men are still men.". And it's like a woman with her two gay friends. - She showed me that. - And they're really hot, and she's just like... Watching them on the beach like wrestling stuff. - Yeah.

- They're like carrying her down the mountain a little bit. - Yeah. Isn't there a "Sex in the City" episode. about how like gay men are like the hottest men. and they're just like, "Oh, why are they all-". - Yeah. - Yeah. Anyways. - But it's also like, we can still be the objects of women's desires. - Sure. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I mean, we are still men. - Yeah, for sure. - And he did not have to tell those ladies that he was gay. - No. He didn't have to tell 'em shit. - At his dad's office of all places. That might have been inappropriate. - Yeah, super inappropriate. - There's many layers. It's a professional capacity. - By the way I'm not gay. - It's like, it's a professional capacity.

Like, he's like, "Hey, I'm here for business.". - Yeah. - "I don't have to tell you shit.". - Yeah. - "Stop flirting with me, that's unprofessional.". - Imagine going to your dad's office and being like, "So I'm gay, everybody!". - Right. - Hey. - Right. - Come get me. (everyone laughs). - Run away. With the photos. They're like, "We gotta get those.". - Oh my god. Your dad's at a photocopier like, "Can you please go home?". (everyone laughs). - Please stop. - The dad also sounds chill. - Dad sounds chill as hell.

- Yeah. - The verdict was not the asshole. Comments. "Not the asshole. "It's none of their business really. "If they're embarrassed that they hit on a stranger, "maybe they shouldn't hit on strangers.". ♪ Ooh ♪. - OP said, "It's just wild to me. "that they did this in their place of work. "I was only there to drop off my dad's work.". Someone said, "Not the asshole. "Your sexuality is nobody else's business. "unless you choose to share the information. "They made themselves feel foolish.". OP said, "I was more baffled. "that straight women were hitting on me. "That has not happened to me in years.". Lastly, someone said, "Not the asshole.

"Also kind of hard to seamlessly work in the fact. "that you're gay. "when doing so would require calling them out. "on their flirting, "which they might end up denying. "and making you look like an asshole.". Fair. See, I don't really have much like frame of reference. In my perspective, I feel like I've never been hit on in my life, right? Like, I don't... But I think that I'm a bad read of it probably. 'cause then there's times-. - We're like, "No, no, no. "You've never been.".

(everyone laughs). - Don't worry. - You're good at reading. - You definitely have been. - No. Definitely never happened. But then like Courtney and I will be walking. and she'll be like, "That person checked you out.". And I'll be like, "Really? "Like, sick.". And she'll be like, "Stop, stop.". (everyone laughs). (beep) stop that. - Sick. - Wow. Pretty cool. - Yeah. - No, I think I'm just, I just know I'm a bad read of it. So I could see why if I thought or like, I'm like, I would just be like, oh no, they're just nice.

Kind or whatever. - [Jared] Totally. - And see in my delusional brain, I'm like, they're hitting on me, and they're not hitting on me. - I feel like there's definitely been times a similar story. where women are like hitting on you. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. And do you disclose or do you just are like, you're just like, "Hey, yeah.". - I think I'll disclose in a way that's not like, "I'm gay.". It'll be like, "Yes!". (everyone laughs). I'll be like, "Oh my god, that is so funny. "Like, let me see. "Let me see.". (everyone laughs). - And then they cry. They're like, "Damn.". - They're like, "Damn.". - Shit.

- But I definitely went through a phase in Chicago. where I would definitely entertain women as well. - Okay. - Yeah. After I was out and things. - Okay. Cool. - Okay, cool? - Okay. - But then sometimes they'd be like, "You're gay.". And I'd be like, "I mean, yes, kind of, yes.". - You're allowed to do whatever-. - Tea. - Tea. (everyone laughs). But then it's like, that's such a shutdown for so many people too. It's like, maybe less so now, but especially... I was just seeing on Twitter, it was like...

There's like a whole group of women. who don't want their men to be any type of gay at all. It's a big turnoff for them. - Yeah. - But it's interesting too. 'cause I feel like straight men aren't usually like, "Ew, women who like other women, gross.". - Yeah. - "I'm not attracted to that.". In fact, it's the opposite. - Yeah. - They're like, "Yeah, make out right now.". And everyone's like, "What? "Steve, no.". - I know there's that episode of, oh, what's that show? The HBO show. - "How I Met Your Mother.".

- Yeah. - "The Other Two.". - There was an- - [Crew] "Girls"? - No, it wasn't "Girls," but it was similar to that. It was the show where she has a friend. who like is dating this guy and then he's like, "Hey, I have something to tell you. "Like, I hooked up with a guy once," and whatever. And then she like, can't. - Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about. - And they're just kinda like, I remember watching that and just being like, oh, that's so interesting 'cause like why? - Yeah. - You know? But it's just the things that are (beep)-. - I think that's why it makes it so scary. for so many straight men to come out too. - Totally. Well that's why like probably why bisexual men are so like,

yeah, sucks. - So if you're gonna come out, you gotta do it now. Just kidding. - No. (crew laughs). Our next story comes from Am I The Asshole, posted in 2022. "Am I the asshole for not reacting right. "to a colleague telling me he is gay?". - Okay. - Okay. "I feel like I could be in the wrong here. "even if I don't understand why. "To be honest, there have been incidents in the past. "where I have unwittingly been rude without intending to,

"and there are some social norms. "that escape my understanding, "which is why I would appreciate some impartial, "unbiased input and am posting here. "One of my colleagues, H, technically I am his boss. "Not sure if that matters.". - H stands for homo. (everyone laughs). - "Came into my office today. "I have an open door policy to encourage team members. "to come forward and share their ideas, "so this was not that unusual. "H came into my office and said, 'I am gay.'". - Okay.

- "I thought he was going to say something else. "So I waited for him to continue.". (everyone laughs). 10 minutes goes by. "After a moment I made a sound of assent. "to make it clear I heard him, "but he still didn't say anything. "Since he was staring at me, "I assumed he was trying to convey something. "I wasn't understanding. "Here's where I might have messed up. "The first thing I asked, "my friend specifically scolded me. "because this was the first thing I said, "was if he had any insights. "in marketing to that demographic.

"We work in a marketing firm. "He said he didn't. "I asked him if he was getting married and needed time off. "This too I have been informed was an asshole-ish response. "He said he wasn't married. "I finally said. "that if he had nothing else he wanted to discuss, "he should leave as I had a meeting starting. "in a few minutes and needed the office. "He left. "Shortly afterwards, a mutual friend scolded me. "and said I was a right asshole. "for the way I responded to H. "Am I the asshole for how I responded? "If so, could you please explain what I did wrong,

"what should have been the right response, "and how I can fix this?". - Oh, why do I feel like he's summarizing. what the guy actually said? - You think the guy went on like a-. - Like, hey, yeah, that. - I never told anybody. And I need to tell you something. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. - And there's a lot of fluff. There's a lot of fluff there. - But he's saying that the guy walks in just, "I'm gay.". - Yeah. - And then kind of... (crew laughs).

- I'm picturing the meme of the person going... (crew laughs). You know what I'm talking about? They're like staring at each other. - Maybe. I probably know. I probably... - You know memes, right? - I know memes so well. I think the guy, I think OP was just trying. to like not make a big deal out of it. OP was just like-. - Which is best case scenario for me personally. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Do we think that this,

I'm curious how out this guy was at the time. - Yeah. - Is this the first person he is telling? Is there a reason he is telling? Is this his boss? - He said, yeah, OP is this guy's boss. - He's the boss. - "Technically I am his boss. "Not sure if that matters.". I think it does matter. - Matters for sure. - It absolutely does matter because it's like, as his boss, you can't, like, you gotta be careful with how you talk to this person. I could also feel like... Maybe this is just from working here at Smosh. I'm like, I don't know who's gay and who isn't.

Like, I don't know. Like, someone might be out for so long. that they're just like-. - I'm not gay. I just wanna say that. - Yeah, yeah. For sure. - I'm also not gay. - We know that. - We're not gay. Yeah. - We know that. But he might just be like, "Oh, yeah, okay.". Like, he's just taking it on as... I do love the initial like, "So how can we apply this to-". - Yes. - So is this. like a business asset? - Can I make money or what? - So how do we make money on this? - He's like being a stage mom. - Yeah. We need to capitalize off this.

Okay. Good. Good stuff. I like also like, "Are you getting married?". - Yeah. That's sweet. - That's kind of sweet. - Yeah. - Yeah, like, oh, you're gay and you've also, you're doing well. - Guy's just like, "Nope.". - And someone loves you. - So what are we doing here? - Ah, okay. - He's like, "Are you proposing to me?" (laughs). - Yeah, what would you do in this situation? Let's John Quinones this. - Well, if someone says I'm gay to me,

like, I'm like, "I know. "Now what?". - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, I know that. - [Shayne] Yes. - So, okay, so what if someone came up to you and said, what if your employee came up to you and they said, "I'm straight"? - I'd be like-. - No, you're not. (laughs). - Sure. - You're like, "Are you getting married?". - And how can I make money off this? - Yeah. - I guess maybe the response. that people were thinking he would say is just like,

"Oh, that's great. Cool.". - Yeah. - Nice. I support you, and as your boss you're good. Like, everything's good. Everything's good. - That is so strange. - There's no like... When you're like not expecting that-. - No, totally. - [Shayne] What do you do? - Yeah, literally, what do you say? - The verdict is not the asshole. - No, I don't think so either. - Comments. "Not the asshole. "Isn't this sort of the long-term goal. "for when someone comes out for it not to be a thing.

"and just business as usual?". - Yeah. - Someone else said, "I can even understand the, this is a big deal for me. "Can I get a little bit bigger reaction please feeling. "when coming out to family. "But your boss? "Not the asshole. "I'm not a supervisor of anyone. "But if I were, I would have no idea how to respond. "to an employee coming out to me with no other reason, "like reporting harassment. "Asking about marketing is a total foot in mouth moment. "But that's what happens. "during those deer in the headlights moments.". Lastly, someone said, "Thank you for trusting me enough to confide in me.

"As your boss, is there something that you need from me. "besides my support? "That is what OP needed to say.". - That's too damn much. I'm sorry, that is a lot. - Yeah, "Acknowledge what he was just told and figure out. "if there was a work related reason he was being told.". That is like the textbook perfect response. - [Chanse] Yeah. - But I understand that some people, like thrown for a loop. He didn't say anything wrong. He just also didn't give the textbook HR response. - Yeah, these are some very empathic commenters.

- Oh yeah. But the problem is when you're reading a Reddit story, you get time to think about it, whereas when you're presented in the moment, you gotta be snappy. - On the fly. - Yeah, you have a gay guy staring you down in your office. (everyone laughs). I'm like... - What do I do? There's no escape. (everyone laughs). You get up and run. - You're like calculating, "Can I make it to the door in time or not?". - He starts sweating. He jumps out the window. (laughs).

- He presses a button. I'm gay. Oh, that's great, Ethan. - And he ejects himself out of the building. And the gay guy's like, "Damn. "I'll get him next time.". We have an update. (Chanse gasps). - He's not gay. They're both gay. Oh my god. - The boss is gay. - One year later. Okay. Oh. - Shayne, you can't read ahead.

- What do we think? - You have to read it out loud. - What do we think? What do you think? Throw out a, I mean, look, you-. - He had a crush on him. - [Shayne] You have no info. - Oh. - [Shayne] You have no info. - That's a good, that, I like that. Whoa. So he was hitting on him. - He was, oh, okay. - Whoa. - [Shayne] That's a good guess. - 'Cause then he goes, "I'm gay.". And he's like, "Me too.". - Aw. - And I made the pillow into a diamond, so that's the real update. - Nice. That's really moldable. - Yeah, I didn't know.

And now I'm really excited to fidget with it. (everyone laughs). - This is fun. "I never really thought I would ever post an update, "but I wanted to share the good news.". (Jared laughs). "Nearly a year...". (everyone laughs). "Nearly a year after my junior colleague H. "unexpectedly came out to me at work, "he's become engaged to my brother.". - Oh. - "At the advice of this forum, "I had a follow up conversation with H. "to ensure that he was not facing any type of harassment. "or discrimination.". - Oh, that's nice. - Oh my god. We have the opposite reaction.

(everyone laughs). - "I had a follow up conversation with H. "to ensure that he was not facing any type of harassment. "or discrimination. "and to try to understand what prompted his exclamation. "It fortunately was nothing major. "A month later, my parents finally got the courage. "to ask Jay, my father's assistant about adoption. "My parents had met Jay several years ago. "when he was huddling by the side of the road. "He had aged out of the foster system, "but due to lack of support, "he could not get a job and was homeless. "My parents had invited him to spend the night,

"and he has been working. "as my father's assistant ever since. "Jay has been like a second son. "to my parents for a long time. "And after a late night conversation. "when Jay opened up to how alone he sometimes felt. "because he had no family, "my parents asked him how he would feel. "about adult adoption. "I wasn't there when they asked him, "but at the family dinner afterwards it was very emotional. "and long overdue. "However, as the days went on, "Jay seemed to get more and more anxious. "and seemed to withdraw from us. "Nearly a month later, he told us in a shaking voice.

"that he couldn't go through with the adoption. "because he had been deceiving us. "He was gay. "Now, throughout all his time with my family, "Jay had never dated. "We all had assumed he was just shy or uninterested. "So it was heartbreaking to hear. "that he felt he needed to censor himself. "and that he thought we would leave him. "if we knew the truth. "It was a painful conversation, but ended happily, "and the next day Jay went with my parents. "to file the paperwork. "At that time, my siblings and I were wondering. "how we could show Jay he had nothing to worry about, "when I remembered H. "and asked him if I could share his email with Jay,

"I had been thinking that it would be good for Jay. "to have a friend who was out. "I never imagined they would start dating. "and become engaged.". - Wow. - Aw. - Aw, that's really sweet. I did have the thought when his brother came out to him, he's like, "I'm gay.". He was like, "So do you have any marketing strategies. "that you think would be good?". That's also really funny, just like I know another gay guy. - Yeah. - Can I give you his email? And he's like, "For sure.". And then they got married. - That's wild.

- It is pretty funny. - He did a good job. - Yeah. Wow. He's better than Grindr. - 'Cause I'll say a lot of people, that used to be a thing. It was like maybe like a while ago. But when I used to talk about being gay with people, they'd be like, "Oh my god, you need to meet my friend.". And the friend would be like so not for me. Like, we were not a match at all. But the only two gay people that person knew in their life. They're like, "I have the perfect guy for you.". (everyone laughs). Oh, what is he like? Well, he's gay. (everyone laughs).

- End of list. (laughs). - Okay? - Oh my god. - But it sounds like he did a good job. - He did a great job. I mean, he didn't intend to, he wasn't trying to set him up. He was just like, "Oh, like, I'll help you out. "You feel alone.". - It happened to me in college, and it was like probably a year after I came out, and it had never occurred to me. that anyone in the world would ever come out to me. - [Chanse] Yeah. - You know? - Wow. - I was like (gasps). It was cool. - That's awesome. - Yeah. I felt like-.

- It is cool. What was your approach? - Like, well, you kind of just like. get to like say everything that you either like liked. when someone said to you. or just hoped that someone said to you. and then you just get to like do it for, it's very cool. And then later in life, another friend of mine came out to me, and it was fantastic 'cause you just, you get to tell people like the thing you needed to hear. And it's amazing. Come out to me. If you're in the closet, come out to me. - Find Jared. - I have so much good stuff to say to you if you want.

- You have a billboard next to the highway, just like, "Call Jared.". - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. - Very sweet. Yeah. Yeah. That's really cool. I think that's such an honor. to be someone that someone trusts. - Someone trusted you that much. - Yeah. Like, it's a really cool thing. But I understand in a workplace and as a boss, you're trying to like, okay, let me navigate this. - Especially at work. - Yeah. - Going into their office. - Yeah. Damn. What if that guy, he clearly is like prophetic.

Like, he's like, I need to come out to my boss, so that he hooks me up with his future brother. - Yeah. - Smart. - [Chanse] Yeah, sure. - Nice. - So he does have marketing strategies. Yeah, I'm the strategy, market me. - Yes. Our next story. This comes from Am I The Asshole. "Am I the asshole for not telling the nurse. "at my niece's school about my profession?". - Say no more. - My niece's nice nurse. - Yeah.

- "I, a 29-year-old woman, "was supposed to pick up my niece Sophie, who's seven, "from elementary school and spend the day with her. "It was all mentioned before to the school, "and I've picked her up a few times before. "Sophie was running towards me, "but she tripped and fell down. "Her knee was bruised and she started crying like crazy. "I took her to the nurse's office immediately. "The nurse was in her early 20s. "and helped Sophie with cleaning up her wound and dressing. "I tell my niece a lot about my line of work, "so she asked me if she was going to need stitches. "If so, how many and what kind, et cetera.

"The nurse was impressed. "She showed Sophie a few items of equipment she had. "and asked if Sophie wanted to be a nurse like her. "Sophie said, no, she wanted to be a doctor like her aunt, "AKA me. "The nurse got a bit upset. "and asked me why I didn't say anything about this. "I was honestly confused. "I was like, 'Why would I need to even mention it?'. "I even threw in a compliment saying she was quite good. "at her job and I enjoyed witnessing a professional at work. "She said I was being too generous with my comments. "I told her I was being honest. "and thanked her for taking care of Sophie's knee.

"Right when Sophie and I were leaving, "she said she'd never be able. "to guess my line of work correctly. "because I looked better than most of my colleagues. "I thanked her again and said I appreciated her help. "She said I still owed her for not telling her my job. "and that it felt like I was testing her. "or deliberately trying to see how she was doing. "I apologized and said that's not what I meant. "and that I knew she was more than capable. "of doing her job well. "She said maybe I could find a way. "to make it up to her properly. "And I was like, 'Sure, but Sophie and I need to go now.'.

"I don't know if I was rude, but this had me thinking, "should I have told her about my job?". I love that this person wrote this all out. and didn't see the signs. - Also, which one's gay? Who's the gay one? (everyone laughs). - Oh my god. Like, to write that out and just be like, "Yeah, anyways.". - Yeah. - And then the next, like watch if there's an update, it's like, so we went on like five dates, but I don't know if she's gay. But anyway, it's like we're figuring it out. We only have (laughs).

We have a couple comments. Someone said, "LOL, she's flirting hard and you're oblivious.". - Yeah. - OP said, "I can certainly see it now. "Honestly, this is embarrassing.". Someone said... (Jared and crew laugh). You know what? You're right. You're right. You know, going back to the previous story, this is a really valid time where it's just like, no, you should just say, "I'm gay.". - Yeah. - Just say that at times just in case. - I'm the gay nurse. (everyone laughs). - It's me. - Hi, I'm your niece's gay nurse. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I work at the school.

I'm gay. It's crazy. Someone said, "Poor Sophie is going to have to take one. "for the team and go down so you can meet the nurse again.". - Aw, that's cute. - Aw. - Niece keeps getting hurt. The nurse is like, "Hey, can you get injured again?". - Yeah. - Someone said, "LOL. "Well, you can maybe send her flowers. "as a thank you for Sophie's knee and see how that goes. "if you really want to take her out for a date.". - Ooh, that's good. - "She said she'd never be able. "to guess my line of work correctly. "'cause I look better than most of my colleagues.". Like, wow, well you're pretty hot for a doctor.

- Yeah. - Most doctors are gross. - Yeah. - You're hot. I do think the, "I owed her for not telling my job. "and that it felt like I was,". to be like, "Oh, you owe me that,". that feels like very flirty. - Yeah, definitely. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I would pick up on that. and I'm bad at picking up on flirty. - I know. Yeah. Although, honestly, I kind of didn't pick up on it reading, just listening. - Really? - I'm hearing it now and it's all very clear, but-. - I think we're reading it with the context of like, it's an Am I The Asshole post. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You're like, "Oh, she pissed her off.". But like putting those words aside.

and then picturing the context, I'm like, no, this feels like this was-. - I'll also say, there are angry flirters, people who like-. - [Shayne] Totally. - Their madness or like when they kind of like bite at you. is them flirting. Like, they're actually mean. It's like very elementary. - Yeah, I do recall... I think there was a time, I think there was a case, yes, I'm not lying here, where talking to some...

(Jared laughs). Talking to this girl that I'd known back in elementary. and middle school, she was like, "Oh, I thought you were cute.". And I was like, "You were an asshole to me.". But I was like, oh, that's, it was also like prime sarcasm era. - Oh, no! - Oh yeah. - The aughts were just sarcasm town. - [Jared] Yeah. - So it's like if you like someone, it's like, I gotta show you I'm the most sarcastic person. in the world. And it's just like, oh, so you just hate me. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But that seems like this person's. maybe a little sarcastic, a little bit like, yeah.

Update. - Ooh. - "First of all, "thanks for your lovely comments on my original post. "I appreciate every single one, "and I would like to thank everyone who took the time. "to give their input on the situation. "As you could see in the original post, "I was absolutely clueless during the whole interaction. "and missed the flirting part altogether. "So I took your advice, "asked my sister to let me babysit Sophia again, "and picked her up from school. "Around 10 minutes before school was over, "I went to the nurse's office with a bouquet of flowers. "and thanked the nurse for taking care of my niece's knee.

"and asked her if I had the opportunity to make up. "for my rudeness from the last visit. "Thankfully, she agreed. "We went on a date last night.". (Chanse squeals). "It included a late evening walk by the beach and dinner. "By the end of the night. I showed her the post, "and I think it is safe to say she was as amused. "as every single one of the commenters. "and she can barely stop teasing me about it. "So overall, thank you so much for your comments and help.". Wow, she came out to her as a Redditor. - Yeah. That's really brave. - That's bold.

- That's pride. - And that's pride. Oh, okay. The last time the OP has updated her Reddit account, they've been dating for seven months. (Chanse gasps). - Whoa. - Oh my god. Love is real. - That was two years ago, but that's the last time we got an update. But maybe she's like-. - Seven months is a long time. - You know what, we're together, we're happy. I'm gonna stop getting on Reddit. - [Emily] And that's growth. - And that's growth. - Wow. That's beautiful. - So wow. Damn. - So not the asshole. - Not the asshole. - [Jared] No. - In fact-. - Just a little bit oblivious. - Just stupid as (beep).

(everyone laughs). Just a dumbass. - Okay. Wait. - Her niece is like, "Dude, you are so stupid. "You didn't see that?". - Her niece is gushing blood from her knees, like... (Shayne yells). (everyone laughs). - Okay. Our next story. - Let's do it. - Comes from the subreddit Rant. This was posted in 2022. They write, "Have to get a paternity test done. "to prove I'm not the dad of my friend's baby, "even though I'm gay.

"I don't know whether to laugh or cry. "over this entire situation. "that's unfolded in the past six weeks. "I, a 23-year-old man, have a coworker, Robert, "who I've been friends with for four years, "pretty much since I started working. "at the factory I'm still in. "Robert, who's 32, just had his first daughter, Chelsea, "who's two months old, after four boys. "The boys are dang near carbon copies of him, "bleach blonde straight hair, freckled skin, "and I swear to God, they were just born with tans. "His high school sweetheart wife Danielle, who's 32, "is a tight curled redhead with freckles for days.

"and burns like there's no tomorrow. "Their daughter from the jump had a full head of red hair. "that's already starting to curl. "When I got to meet her, she was two weeks old. "I gasped. "A fellow redhead myself here with long curly red hair. "and said something along the lines of, "'Oh my god, it finally happened. "'The red is alive.'. "Just being dramatic and funny. "Robert goes, 'Yeah, don't bank on that staying. "'My genes are strong after all.'. "Danielle rolled her eyes, "and I shrugged it off as a weird joke at first, "but the entire time I was there,

"he pretty much kept going on about. "how his genes would prevail. "Jump forward, Chelsea is now five weeks old. "For three weeks, every single day Robert. "would be complaining about how little of himself he sees. "in his daughter, how much of a stranger she is for it, "that some days he thinks he's looking. "at another person's baby. "He only ever seemed to want to complain to me about it. "as it was. "After the fifth day in a row, "I started trying to explain how genetics work, "pretty much saying genes aren't going to always. "drastically go one way. "Three days ago, Robert came into work.

"just itching for an argument with everyone. "Our mutual friend Jesse asked him. "what his deal was on our break. "after he shouted at another friend. "for asking a work related question. "He blew up saying he knows Chelsea isn't his, "that his cheating whore of a wife just won't admit it, "and he knows exactly who she was (beep) around with. "He then looks over at me and points at me. "and yells at me to get my ass outside. "I asked why, and he starts screaming he's not stupid. "He knows I've been trying to kiss ass. "to avoid his beat down.

"I'm gay. "I have a male fiance. "I have Pride stickers all over my car. "Outside of work I am a parrot of colorfulness. "I just couldn't help but laugh at him. "It was just so bizarre, "and I know I wasn't the only one looking at him. "like he was insane either. "I told him Chelsea. "is literally half of Danielle's genetics, "that Danielle isn't a (beep) incubator for his genetics, "and asked him why he was so obsessed. "with their kids needing to look exactly like him. "What's the point of that? "He wouldn't answer and just kept telling me to get up. "before he dragged me out to the parking lot.

"I told him I'm not going to fight him. "on something this ridiculous. "and asked him if he was trying to get fired. "He starts demanding I take a paternity test, "and again, I asked him if he was completely serious. "He said he was because I spend so much time with Danielle. "He's not necessarily wrong, "but she's a part of the girlfriend group I'm part of. "There's five of us in total. "We do artsy stuff, try new places, just hang out. "and do whatever, but never stuff like that. "I told him to go take a paternity test for himself. "He argued that he's not paying. "for a test he knows the truth to.

"I told him I'm not paying for a paternity test, "and then asked which redhead. "in the factory he was gonna accuse next. "The exchange ended. "when our shift manager came in for a break. "I texted Danielle and told her exactly what happened. "The next day was my day off, so my phone was on silent. "and I slept in. "Woke up to Elliot, my partner, getting off the phone. "and telling me I should check my phone. "I'd been bombarded with dozens of messages. "and missed calls/threatening voicemails from Robert. "because Danielle had kicked him out. "He decided to get Elliot's number out of Danielle's phone.

"to tell him his version of events. "I'd already told Elliot the night before, "so he was just baffled how certain Robert was. "Danielle did text me a few times apologizing on his behalf. "and then updating me. "They were getting a paternity test/she's filing. "for divorce, "that she has no idea why he'd think such a thing. "My partner thinks it's hilariously sad. "Robert destroyed his marriage like this. "This morning while getting ready for work, "Robert texted me saying he has the money. "and when the test comes back with the truth,

"he'd F me up in court for what I've done, "how I've ruined not only his life but his kids' lives. "and everyone in their family's lives too. "Idiot really has gone around telling everyone I'm the dad. "I agreed to the test. "and told him he may as well quit his job. "and just vanish after this. "because it's gonna be real embarrassing. "when I walk in with the paperwork. "and wave it around saying I'm not the daddy. "to his redheaded child. "and has to explain to everyone, including his own children, "what an absolute idiot he is. "Our friends have been giving me the cold shoulder all day,

"pretty much saying, "yeah, they don't think I'm the dad for sure, "but I'm a trash friend for going straight to his wife. "and getting him thrown out of his own house. "and being forced to sleep in his truck. "and that I should have just agreed to the paternity test. "to begin with instead of stirring up drama. "and getting unnecessary people involved. "It's one thing if he decided he wanted one for himself, "but he expected me not only to get one, "but pay my own way and just not say anything. "But yeah, I'm the trash friend and trash person, I guess. "Robert's family is doing nothing but slandering Danielle, "and I'm being mocked.

"for having the reverse version of a beard, "like when a man uses a woman as a cover. "so people don't know he's actually gay, "and it's causing issues now with Elliot's family. "because their logic is, "well, they wouldn't be so sure if there wasn't proof. "My family is 100% with me. "and knows I absolutely have zero interest in women. "Even if I did, I'm not a cheater.". Whew. - Wow. - That's a doozy. - What is going on? - I love the idea. of ending that with, "Am I the asshole?". - It's like, yeah, so this guy threatened to beat me up.

and I didn't do anything. Did I do something wrong? - Wow. - It must suck to be that kind of stupid. - Yeah. - You know? - I need to know what's going on in the marriage. What is going on? - Yeah, but like sometimes people are stupid. in a way that's like kind of joyful and like awesome. Like, you don't know stuff, so you're kind of like oblivious. - Why'd you look at me when you said that? - No, I just, I'm just looking in this general direction. (everyone laughs). I just met you, but look. But this guy's stupid in a way that's causing him torment.

- Yeah. - He doesn't understand genetics, so he really is just-. - Ever heard of a Punnett square, bitch? (everyone laughs). Sorry. - But also this guy is an absolute asshole. for thinking that only his, saying his genetics will prevail. - You're such a crazy-. - That's enough to really be like, "I need to get away from this guy.". - You're like a super villain. - You are literally a villain. - I'm built different. - He sounds like Sauron or some shit. - Yeah. - OP definitely has bad friends-. - Yeah. - As well.

- There is like also like a really scary straight type. of narcissism that like makes the leap. that someone around you might be pretending they're gay. to hurt you. It's like, have you ever experienced anything like that? - No. - Like, I think maybe it's happened to me once. where a friend's boyfriend maybe doubted that I was gay, like with my closeness to his girlfriend. And it's like, I don't know how else to,

it really just, really makes you stop and think. - I just had a memory come back of, in middle school during gym class, I would like hang out with the girls. and we'd be doing like cartwheels and stuff. and be like doing dances and shit. And I remember the guys used to always like watch me. and be like, "He's doing it again. "He's doing it again.". And then they'd like, bring me over and they'd be like, "You're so smart, bro. "You are so smart. "Pretending to be gay so you can like do cartwheels. "and hang out with the girls like that.". And I'd be like, "Yeah.

"Pretending to be gay.". Wait, what? - But that seems like a fun dumb person. Do you know what I mean? - Yeah. - He's like, "Oh, way to go.". - He's so smart. - Like, that's good dumb. - Yeah, yeah. You get to do sleepovers. and they spend the night at your house and stuff? I'm like, yeah. Why is that? - Yeah. It's a type of stupid, but it's a combo of stupid and insecure. - Yeah. - And it's really dangerous. Like, truly. But a lot of guys are just so incapable of like,

I don't know, they're just so insecure. that any guy around their wife, it's like, you're trying to sleep with my wife. - Yeah. - And then they just can't, then they also are like, it's just kind of a combo of homophobia and sexism. and all this stuff too. It's like his wife has no agency. - Yeah, yeah. - He's not talking about his wife. It's not like, oh, his wife, like, what does she feel and think about in this situation? - [Bailey] I mean he did call her a whore. - He called her a, yes, yes, the sexism comes out very blatantly then. But yeah, no, this guy is awful.

Comments. "Everyone is trash except you, your fiance, and Danielle. "Do you live in Trashville? "I'd take precautions in the sense. "that you may need to get the authorities involved. "if he's going to go nuclear. "At the very least, "I would've touched base with your company's HR, "unless that doesn't exist.". Someone said to that, "This. "This guy could easily try and get you fired. "because when your test comes back negative, "he will be very embarrassed. "and might act even worse than he already has. "If the company doesn't know what is going on, "his behavior could get you, him, or both of you fired.

"Protect yourself, OP. "If the company doesn't have an HR department, "you go to your manager. "and/or the person who runs the business. "If it's not one of them, they can tell you who it is. "There's always somebody responsible. "for handling these issues even if there is no official HR.". - [Bailey] I'm sorry, it's so crazy. that this is his coworker too. - Yeah. - They also work in a factory? - They work in a factory, but he's also part of the friend group of his wives. There's a very interconnected ecosystem. Someone said, "What the (beep) is wrong with them?

"Dude was trying to street fight you. "and basically ruin your relationship, "but you're trash for telling your friend something. "that definitely would've gotten back to her. "He was calling her a whore and smearing her name, "just disrespecting their vows and entire marriage. "Honestly, what the (beep) is wrong with him? "Why wouldn't he want a mini version of his wife. "when he has so many of himself? "My siblings look exactly like my mom, and I look different, "but no one accused my mom of sleeping around, "especially since I resembled my dad's great aunt. "Dude just doesn't understand genetics, "and I hope he takes a test for himself,

"otherwise he'll ride around town. "looking for more redheads.". Oof. Lastly, someone said, "I wouldn't worry too much. "Everyone's just feeling bad for the guy. "'cause his life has been uprooted. "But he did that to himself. "His poor wife though. "Five kids including a newborn and this guy freaks out. "'cause the daughter looks like her mom instead of him. "What a (beep) waste of oxygen. "Good for her for finally standing up for herself.". (Shayne sighs). - Whoa. - I can't wait to try to win an argument by being like, "I have Pride stickers all over my car.".

- Yeah. (crew laughs). And he's like, "Those are just a trick. "to get to my whore wife.". - Yeah. (laughs). - Anyways, moving on to our final story. I think this one's gonna be a little bit. of a different tone. This comes from Today I (beep) Up. - Okay. - Posted in 2021. - It's like, "My name is Robert.". - Hi. My name is Robert, and I made a whoopsie! (Jared laughs). "Today I (beep) up. "by ruining my boyfriend's company-wide meeting.

"This actually happened a few hours ago, "and I am writing this outside. "out fear of going back into the apartment. "The iconic and viral clip of a mother storming in. "on her children and asking which one of them didn't flush. "after using the toilet has been a cornerstone. "of my boyfriend and I's relationship. "Today my boyfriend took-". - [Bailey] Do you guys know this video? - I don't. - [Bailey] The Scottish one. - Yeah. Yeah. Who the (beep) took a shit in the toilet? - I don't know it. - I don't think I've seen this, but sounds hilarious. - Okay. - Disgustin'. - Oh, okay.

I know that phrase. "Today, my boyfriend took the largest poop I have ever seen, "and I mean largest. "It wasn't even broken into pieces. "One long continuous poop. "And while he might have tried to flush it, it did not work. "and ended up greeting me in the face. "when I too needed to take an incredibly large poop. "Out of pure humor, "I barged straight into my boyfriend's work from home office. "and in my best and loudest Scottish accent said, "'Did you take a shit and not flush? "'Disgustin'!'. "The intention was to laugh with my boyfriend. "and for him to come and see how it didn't flush correctly.

"Instead, his face went completely white and jaw dropped. "He was on a video call with not only his boss, "but his entire team. "We normally have a little sign to put on the door. "when we are in video calls, "but just like how he maybe forgot to flush, "he forgot to let me know. "he was having a company-wide meeting. "where he was presenting.". And then his boss was like, "Are there any marketing strategies to having a large poop?". - First of all, I just wanna say congrats.

because a full log is a good, that's sign of a healthy colon. - Yeah. Fiber maxing. - Yes. With pointed ends is most ideal. If you didn't know. Pointed ends. You want... (crew laughs). So it sounds like they're doing everything right. - They're doing a great job. So that's good for the team to know, that he's healthy, he's ready to work. - Also maybe they know the video, maybe they know the reference video. - Maybe.

Yeah. - They're like, "Oh, you're quoting it.". - They're like, "Oh, ha ha, promoted.". - Yeah. (everyone laughs). - Do you guys have any embarrassing Zoom call or-. - Big shit stories. - You guys have any like huge dump stories? (everyone laughs). This video gets posted, you're like, "Oh, the Pride 'Reddit Stories.'". And just says, "Huge dump," question mark. (everyone laughs). Huge (beep) shit "Reddit Stories.". - Giant rainbow shit. It's my job Zoom. The first Zoom I ever did, it was a show. It was a Zoom show.

A Zoom comedy show. - Oh, cool. - And I was learning how to use it for that show. - Sure. - And I was being explained how it would work. and when to talk and what to... And then, so I would just do my standup set. And I thought I understood. And I start my set into my laptop at home. and it's like March 15th. - God. - Horrible. And I just, and I'm saying my jokes, and then I'm just like, "Okay, this is fine.". Like, it's just, say it like a monologue. Look straight into your computer. and just keep saying the jokes. You're not gonna hear any laughs.

and you'll just do it and you'll raise money, and that'll be that. And then about five minutes into my set, I finished a joke and then I hear laughter. And I realize I was supposed to be hearing laughs. the whole time. I was just bombing. for the first like five minutes of my set. So that was tough to kind of hear that laugh. - No, no. - And then realize in real time. And again, it's like March 15th. - Was that your first time ever doing standup. straight into a-. - Of course. - Yeah, that sounds like...

It's like amazing that standup could only be harder. It's already like one of the hardest things to ever do. - And I'm like literally standing there thinking like, "I got the hang of this. "It's just like a teleprompter. "Just sit here, read it. "You're fine.". - You thought everyone was just muted? - Yeah. - But also for the audience, this is also something so new. Like, oh, first just like, I'm watching standup remotely from like-. - From my house. - Yeah, no, it's just not a conducive environment. - And thank you. (everyone laughs).

And thank you for missing your flight to hold space for me. (everyone laughs). - I remember with Moon Goon, we would write, we were still writing shows at this time on Zoom. And the way meetings would work, we'll follow the fun and we'll follow bits. In person it's very easy to follow the conversation. But on Zoom, it's just too many voices at one time. - So hard. - Especially when it's 14 people in a writer's room. And you would have to learn kind of. when to unmute yourself just to laugh,

to be like, "That's funny.". And then unmute yourself again. - I know. Ah, brutal. - Brutal. - Anyways, some comments. Someone said, "He left you a present. "Can you just be grateful?". - Yeah. - OP said, "This made us both laugh. "Thank you so much.". (crew laughs). Someone said, "What was the reaction?". OP said, "I had to regain my composure and go for a walk. "He is incredibly embarrassed, "but can't really be mad at me. "It's his fault. "for both A, not checking to see if it went down, "and B, not letting me know he was on a conference call.

"I'm somewhat nervous that he is going to try. "and get me back for ruining his company-wide reputation. "I think I need to find another place. "to take my video calls. "Something I didn't mention, however, "is that we are both men.". Lastly, someone said, "Well, he needs to learn to take care of his shit. "in one form or another, then this wouldn't happen. "If he has really learned his lesson, "he will buy a poop knife and remember his sign.". OP says, "He is most definitely scarred for life. "And now I know what I'm getting him for his birthday. "Thanks for the suggestion.". Legendary Reddit poop knife.

- What is a poop knife? - What? - You both don't know this? - No! I mean, I can imagine. But people are using those? - One of the most famous Reddit stories of all time, it's from like 10 years ago. - Okay. - Is this girl's dating this guy. He eventually visits the girlfriend's family. and he asked like, "Hey, where's your guys' poop knife?". And she's like, "What?". And he's like, "Yeah, we have a poop knife. "Like, my family has a knife in the bathroom. "for cutting the poop.". Cut the shit, you know what I mean? - [Bailey] He thought everybody had a poop knife. - But...

- What does he-. - Who out-. - Is he butterflying it? (everyone laughs). Why is he cutting the poop? (Shayne groans). - Like sashimi? (everyone laughs). - Just to get it down? - He's (indistinct). (everyone laughs). - I hate that. - Anyways, so that's that. - Whoa. - Yeah, yeah. Some fun Reddit. - Yeah. - [Shayne] You know? - I don't like poop knife, Shayne.

- I'm sorry. It's not my thing. - Yeah. - It's a Reddit thing. - [Chanse] Okay. - This does remind me in the mornings I am gassy. and I will FaceTime my family. because we're in different cities. - To fart. What's up, Dad? (imitates fart). - You gotta hear it. You gotta hear it. So we're all on FaceTime, and we'll be on FaceTime for like maybe 30 minutes. - [Shayne] Whoa. - But we're not all engaged all the time. And I'll be walking, I'll be making a coffee. I just woke up. You know, it's different time zones and stuff. And I will burp,

and then my niece in like a very like kind of 6-year-old way. will like scold me, and then my parents kind of get in on it. And then I'm like, I'm in my house. I'm alone in my home. Let me burp. And I'm like, oh wait, I am on a call. And it does make me think about like, you know, who's like, I wish we had a ref here. Like, what do you guys think? Should I like-. - Ooh, that's interesting. - Am I allowed to burp in the privacy of my own home. if I'm on a FaceTime with my family? - Yeah. I think so. - I say no. - No. - [Shayne] You say no? - I say no.

- Depends on the context of the conversation. - If the burp adds to it. - If the conversation is like, "Yeah, Grandma's not doing well.". It's like (imitates burp). Sucks. Like, if it's just like a casual conversation... - Then it's fine. It usually is. It usually is. - I guess depends. on the families. Some families have a poop knife. Some families don't burp. - My family doesn't burp. - You guys don't burp? Damn. All I do is burp and fart. It's crazy. (crew laughs). It's a lot. It's really a lot. - Your Shrek-ass family. - You know what's actually, like, yes. For whatever reason,

yesterday I farted in my bathroom. Yeah, grow up. - Ew! - You shouldn't fart in your bathroom! - I farted in my bathroom. And it occurred to me, like, I guess the acoustics and I heard it, and I thought my butt isn't trying. to hurt anyone's feelings. And I like heard my butt fart, and it was like-. (everyone laughs). 'Cause, you know, you feel shame for farting and for burping. and you're like, "Oh, it's pissing everyone off. "and I'm gross.". I went, my butt doesn't know. - No. - My butt's just a sweet little butt, and they're just farty. - Just a little guy.

- Has no idea that anyone's getting offended or heard or... - It's just like, "I'm sorry." (imitates fart). - Yeah. It was kind of nice. A moment of empathy for my butthole. - I think my butt knows. That's why I don't. - You don't. - It's sentient, it's like aware of itself. - Yeah. (laughs). - Don't worry, Chanse. I've got you. - Bussy so good. - Yes. - Well, on that note. - Yeah. - Thank you both for joining. - Thank you. Happy Pride. - Hey, happy Pride. - Happy pra. - What? - Happy pra.

- Oh. - You don't like that? - You can say that. I... I can't stop you. - No you can't. - Thank you for coming on this journey with me today. Boy, it was a roller coaster. All sorts of stories. And thank you all for watching. And we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye.