A Walk On The Wild Side | Reading Reddit Stories

- Hello and welcome to "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.". I'm Shayne, and today's theme is some wild stories. These are just some wild Am I The Asshole stories. (Olivia growls). And I'm joined by two people who have really long hair. (Amanda gasps and makes silly sounds). That's just a true thing. And who are also acting wild. (Amanda and Olivia grumble and growl). Olivia and Amanda, thank you for joining me here. - We're just two girls with really long hair. - I'm just... We're just two girls who I really-. - Oh, I don't think she's a girl. - What are you gonna say? - Wanna take a bite out of this. (crunches).

- Yeah, we do have big podcast mics. - We're just two girls, but she's not a demon, right? - Okay. Not suspicious. - Oh no, she's acting like-. - Sorry. Oura rings. I see them everywhere now. - [Shayne] Yeah. - Okay, let's go. - I've had one for a few months. - Let's go. (laughs). - Love this. You're about to do a tight five. - I'm sorry. Oura rings. I see them everywhere. - Seeing these. all over the place. - Ma'am, you have an Oura ring. - Come on up stage. - What's up with that?

- I... - You track your sleep? - Courtney got it for me for Christmas. - Oh, Courtney got it for Christmas. - Courtney, is that your wife? Oh, wives. Let's talk about wives, huh? - Continue. - Podcast mics have changed you. - I'm fully just doing standup now. - She's just doing standup. - Sitting down. - Yeah. - Well, I've been told. that some of these stories are truly wild. - Oh. I can't wait. - All over the place. Yeah. - I can't wait. - I can't wait! - I'm glad we're in this zone.

- How did we get here? - All right, Vanessa Lache. - He said "wild" and I just thought wild. - Yeah. - Okay, go ahead. - Wild and crazy. - You're doing too much. - Yeah, you're doing too much. - Sorry. - Please stop. - Okay. Well, do you want me to just start reading these stories? - Yeah. - Okay. All right. - Sure. Like, no worries. - I think it would be really cool, we'll offline about this, but when you end your day, 'cause your Oura ring tracks like your-. - [Shayne] Stress. - Your stress. I would love to see this hour,

- Honestly, so the last time-. - Yeah. - Since I got the Oura ring, when I do "Reddit Stories" days, it does often say I'm stressed. But I think that means I'm engaged. I think like... - Let's do a "Shayne Guesses". on guessing your own Oura ring. - Guess if I am stressed. I'm guessing that I'm stressed right now. (crew laughs). I mainly got it to track my sleep, to see if I'm sleeping well. - And did you sleep well last night? - I slept okay. It was like at like a 78 out of 100. - That's good. - Uh-uh. - It's good. It could be better. - Uh-uh.

- It could be better. - That's scary. (Shayne laughs). - What the hell. is going on? - I don't know. You said wild and something unlocked. - And you just, like you're a sleeper agent. - You have good sleep. I think 'cause you're a mommy. - [Shayne] No, I don't know why-. - Actually last night-. - Oh, you have a toddler, you must sleep really well. - I did have good sleep. I just did a lot of meditating. - You have quality sleep, you know? - I sleep so hard because you're dead at the end of the day. - Exactly. You have quality sleep. I have long sleep, but probably all at 13%.

- Oh. - Not efficient sleep. - Not efficient. - Not effective sleep. - Not effective. - Interesting. All right, well these stories, I don't think they have anything to do with sleep. - I can't wait. Let's get into them. - Sorry. - But this first story does have to do something with wine. (Amanda gasps). Which I know-. - Ooh! - [Shayne] Amanda loves. (Amanda growls). This comes from Am I The Asshole. It was posted in February of this year. "Am I the asshole for asking my friend to pay me back. "for the wine he drank while house sitting?".

- Oh. I have so much to say. - I already have thoughts. - Me too. - She's like, "Is it a full body, a chilled?". - Yeah. - Or orange? - If it's like a $500 bottle of wine. But if you just have wine hanging out at your place, I would-. - I wanna know if he opened a fresh bottle. That's what I need to know. - Let's see some details. - [Amanda] Okay. - "So I, a 26-year-old woman, "had my friend, a 27-year-old man, "watch my place and my cat for the weekend. "I told him he could help himself. "to whatever in the kitchen,

"which I thought was just like common sense. "for snacks and stuff. "I got back and realized he opened this $120 bottle. "of vintage Barolo I was saving for my promotion. "He literally drank the whole thing alone. "while watching Netflix. "When I asked him about it, "he got all weird and said I gave him permission. "because the wine was in the kitchen. "Like, okay, but who drinks a $100 bottle of wine. "without asking first? "I sent him a Venmo for $80, gave him a discount, LOL. "And now he's calling me tacky. "and told our group chat I'm a bad host.".

(Amanda gasps). "I feel like there's literally an unwritten rule. "of guest logic. "where you don't touch the most expensive thing. "in the house. "If I tell you to help yourself to my garage, "it doesn't mean you can just drive off in my car. "I don't know, am I the asshole here? "He's making me feel like I'm being extra, "but I feel like he totally took advantage of me. "I don't know, it's also just 120 bucks.". - Oh my god, I have so much to say! - Okay, I have a lot of thoughts. Okay, here's a, okay. - First of all-. - You go ahead. - First of all-. - [Shayne] Okay, first of all. - Is there a price tag on your wine saying, "$120. Don't touch this thing"?

- Yeah. I've gone to wine shops and when you look around, there's really no signifier. of what makes a wine expensive or not. You have to know a lot about wine to clock. - I also cannot stand when people go, "Make yourself at home. "Help yourself to anything," and they don't mean it. - Yep. - If it was in the kitchen, honey, I would say that that's a compliment. that someone's like, "Well, they said I could make myself at home.". - Absolutely. - I'm going to drink this beautiful bottle of wine. and watch Netflix. - Absolutely. - Like, I'm sorry that it was $120, that sucks.

But don't you dare try to Venmo, like ask for a Venmo. - Yeah. - [Amanda] You simply can't. - And this whole thing of like, "Well, it's an unwritten rule.". It's like, yeah, but also what I would've done. if I had something really special in my kitchen, I'd have said, "Help yourself to whatever, "except the one thing. "That's expensive and I'm saving it for something.". That's all. That's all I gotta do. - This is outrageous. Also, did she pay him for the weekend of house sitting? - I know. I'm like, if he's watching for free, then dude...

- If anyone's watching, so when I had a dog, if someone was watching my dog. and they were like, "I don't wanna be paid,". I would automatically get them dinner, a bottle of wine, already have that set up. But if I said, "You can have anything,". you best believe I'm being like, if there is a fancy wine, I'm going to tell them. But like, if I say you can have anything, then you can have anything. - Yeah, I don't think it's that big of a deal. Like, they're doing, for me, I don't like to stay in other people's homes.

So that's already a chore. And like-. - [Amanda] Yeah. - It's not like I don't wanna... Anyways, what I'm saying is I don't think it's a big deal. and I would be happy for my friend to drink that wine. and watch Netflix. - [Shayne] Absolutely. - Yeah. - Courtney and I had Tommy watch our cats one time. when we were gone. for over a week. - What did he do? - And we literally bought wine. We were like, 'cause we wanted him to be there. and hang out with our cats. So when we came back it was like, oh, he had some of the wine. It was like, good. - A lot? - He's hanging out. No, not a lot.

We bought 50 bottles of wine. - Did he drink them all? - No. We bought some really nice orange wine for him. - Oh. - Oh, that's nice. - 'Cause we know that he loves orange wine. And also, but it was like, I hope if someone's staying and watching our cats, like I'm like, give them a reason to like hang out. and stay there 'cause the more time they're spending. with your pet the better. - She probably only had one bottle of wine. and it was probably like the nice one, but like-. - But that makes it look like it's for-. - Agreed. - Okay, can I say something? I agree with this.

I'm just thinking about my own home right now. There is a bottle of wine at my house right now. It is wrapped in tissue paper. and it has like a really pretty thing on it. I got it for Christmas. I haven't opened it. - If it was wrapped and nice and stuff, I maybe wouldn't touch it. - Okay, yeah. - So you got us a really nice bottle of wine. We haven't opened it yet. because we're waiting for a special occasion, which I'm kinda like (beep) it, let's just do it. But it is wrapped in something. - [Shayne] Yeah. - And we have had someone, you know, watch our son, and we were like, "Literally help yourself.". - [Shayne] Yeah. - But, you know, we didn't come home.

to them having opened that. - Right. - So, I don't know. Maybe it's also the type of people who know you too. - Yeah. - But I personally think you should not ask for money. That is tacky. - That was a slip. It's like, it's just like kinda like, oh, I slipped up and I didn't tell them not to drink that. - I think it was like, oh my bad. - And that's kind of your bad. Yeah. It's like, I'm sorry. - You just have to take the L. - Yeah, you kinda gotta take the L there. And it's like, all right, at least it wasn't $500 or something. Like, 120 bucks is a lot of money. - [Olivia] It's a lot. - Sucks. But also, yeah, I don't know what you were paying him.

or if you were paying him. - I think she should ask him what the flavor notes were. and if he really enjoyed it. - Yeah. - And if she would probably enjoy it as well. - Yeah, absolutely. - I would just be like, "Hey, I just wanna one pager on this bottle of wine.". - At least tell me what it's like. - And that's my payment. - That's my payment is describing the Barolo. - Yeah, describe it. - What is a Barolo? - Barolo. Isn't that an Italian wine? Am I crazy? - It sounds Italian. - I feel like I've had that before. I also love to put ice cubes in my wine. - That's fine. - What the (beep)? - Do whatever you want.

My grandpa does that. - Whoa, whoa. What kind of wine? Red or white? - White. - That's fine. - Sometimes red. - That's fine. - You know what I love? Okay, you know what I love? I like putting ice in a full body red. Don't come at me. - Listen, do whatever you need to do. - Can do whatever you want. - Okay. I will. - No, do whatever you need to do. - I just recently learned, 'cause at Epcot I had ice wine. and I thought that meant like, oh, there's ice in the wine or whatever. It's like, no, it's 'cause they pressed the grapes. when they're frozen. (Amanda gasps).

I didn't know that. - And was it less like-. - It's very sweet. - Yeah, it is, yeah. I don't like sweet wine. I don't even like orange wine. - I still don't know wine that well. - I really do, I do not like sweet wine at all. But I will (beep) with a port, a port wine. Yummy. Portuguese port wine. - I don't think I've ever-. - Comments. - A dessert wine. - Someone said, well, first of all, the verdict was asshole. They were the asshole. - Yeah. - They're asking for money. Just whatever. Comments. "You're the asshole. "Expensive and cheap bottles of wine look the same.

"to people who don't know wine.". - [Amanda] Yep. - "Be more precise in your instructions. "for the person doing you a favor. "He assumed that you only have cheap bottles of wine. "because you cavalierly said to help himself. "This is tacky.". Someone said, "You told him to help himself to whatever. "He did. "Most people can't distinguish between a $15. "and $120 bottle of wine. "And most people aren't going. "to read a receipt you left lying around either. "You're the asshole. "This one's on you.". Lastly, someone said, "You're the asshole. "You should just chalk this up to miscommunication.". - Yeah. - "You said help yourself to anything in the kitchen. "If you had told him prior.

"except for that bottle of wine I'm saving for my promotion, "you could ask for full compensation. "This is on you. "Swallow your ego and let this go, my dude. "It'll be better for-". - [Amanda] My dude? - "It'll be better for the friendship.". - My dude? I thought it was a girl? - It was, but she's-. - But she's my dude. - But he's a dude, she's a dude, we're all dudes. - This Redditor commenting only says "my dude.". My dude, swallow your ego, my dude. - [Shayne] My dude. - My dude, you gotta swallow your ego. Swallow your ego. Fun.

- Do you think you could like look at a bottle of wine. and decipher it's price range? - I was just gonna comment on that. The bottle of wine that looks the most boring. and has like an old school label is the most expensive. - [Shayne] Interesting. - The one that's like fun pops of color. or like a drawn woman like by the beach. is gonna be the cheapest- - That's got Snoop Dogg. on the cover. - It's gonna be the cheapest. But I will say the most expensive wine looks very boring. - Yeah. - 'Cause it's like Chateau. - 'Cause it's just the name. The name is all-. - It's a generational wine that has perfected what they do.

and they keep the label the same. - There's this one bottle and it's so good and it's chilled. It's a chilled red. And I just-. - Chilled reds are cool. - I just like that one. - You'll have to send me a picture of it. - I will. I think you would love it, and it's a good price. - I'm sure I would. - I've only had, look, I've not drank much wine. I only started drinking wine at all last year. But there's one bottle that I think is my favorite wine. and it's a Nebbiolo. - Nebbiolo is- - And it's really good. - Of course it is. - 'Cause I love a really intense-. - Wait, what do you mean "of course it is"? - 'Cause he loves really, really strong, full bodied-.

- Oh. - Like, almost like a dry leather type. And that's Nebbiolo. - Interesting. - I found out that anytime any food. or anything is described by non-food adjectives. like leathery, minerally, woodsy, that's what I love. - A little cigar smoke. So Nebbiolo is like a very full-bodied Italian wine. and it's-. - Super good. - Phenomenal. - Moving on from wine. - Great. - This episode of "Reddit Stories" is sponsored by Quince. This spring it's my mission to clean out my closet, but I'm making sure that I keep all my daily essentials.

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and 365 day returns. Quince.com/pitreddit. Back to the show. Our next story comes from Am I The Asshole. This was posted in September of 2022. "Am I the asshole for kicking a server out of my wedding?". (Olivia gasps). Whoa. - What? - "I, a 25-year-old woman, "and my husband, a 30-year-old man, "and I got married last Friday. "We planned our dream wedding. "down to our dream catering company. "The wedding was beautiful. "After the pictures, we headed to our cocktail hour,

"and that's when I saw her. "My guests were all told to wear dark colors, "so my husband and I stood out. "I also asked my guests to wear minimal makeup. "I had assumed that applied to the staff too. "The server, 19-ish female, "had on clearly too much eyeliner. "She also had diamond studs in her ears, a flashy ring, "and one of those ugly nose studs.". - Oh! Oh my god. - "The staff's uniform was a black long sleeve shirt, "but on her it was too low cut. "and her pants were far too tight. "It was super distracting.

"She was walking around serving drinks. "and talking to my guests. "I asked another member of the staff to speak to their boss. "When their boss came out, I pointed out the server. "and asked that she be dealt with. "'cause she was super distracting. "Their boss apologized. "and called the server back into the kitchen.". - Oh my god. - "Not even an hour later, "the server was back out serving food for dinner. "I called the boss over again. "and asked if the server could work in the back or go home.". - No! - "Her boss said they were short staffed tonight. "so she would see what can be done. "After a couple of hours of not seeing her, "I saw the server again behind the bar.

"I called the boss out one last time. "and told her if the server didn't leave, "I would be calling the cops.". (Amanda sputters). "The boss finally relented and told the girl to go home. "My husband and mother-in-law said I was acting crazy.". - Yes. - "And that I probably got a poor college kid fired. "for over nothing. "My mother and maid-of-honor said it's my wedding. "so I can do as I please. "It's my wedding and I don't want someone over shining me, "and the server should know she's at work. "and not dress up so much. "I do feel kind of bad because she was pretty young. "Am I the ass?".

- Yes. Yes. You're absolutely an asshole and more. - [Shayne] God. - I wanna know how you are in your normal life. because this is bad behavior. - Probably bad all the time. - This is gonna sound really mean, but I don't think you should get married. (Shayne and crew laugh). - Continue. - Yeah. - I don't think you should-. - [Shayne] Go off. - And I'm shocked you-. - [Shayne] Get her. - I'm even shocked you had guests at your wedding. You're a bad person. And I think you should not be with someone for a long time.

And I think it would be a bad idea. for you to have children. - Go off... - Sorry. - Go off, queen. - Well, okay. Like, you know that-. - Get 'em. - You know that balcony scene? You know that balcony scene in "Succession" when Tom goes, "And I think you're a bad person to have children with.". That is me telling this person. I just don't think this person is well. And it's going to permeate through every other thing.

in their life. And you know what, it does make sense that the mother. and the bridesmaid was like, "Yeah, go off. "Do whatever you want," because they're also (beep) nuts. (Amanda laughs). - I will say-. - All right. - I will say-. - That was so mean. I'm so sorry. - No. - You're probably a bad person. - That was pretty epic. I will say I am so done with people being like, "It's my wedding, it's my day.". Just because you're getting married, it does not give you the right to, what appears to be,

to be your true self, okay? - [Shayne] Yeah. - It does not give you the right to be so unbelievably rude. to other human beings. - [Shayne] Yeah. - This is someone who's working your wedding. Like, also it's clear that you have a control issue. over some, you are literally punching down on another woman. who's dressing what makes her feel good. - [Shayne] Yeah. - The whole wedding, your entire wedding, you're focused on one server? - Like truly, how insecure are you? - A teenager.

A 19-year-old. - With diamond studs and a flashy ring? - Yeah, I'm like, lady, you're 25, you're worried about a 19-year-old who's doing their job. - Do you think your husband is gonna be like, "I do. "And also that waitress.". - Yeah, I'm like, what? What do you think? Like, I'm just like-. - That is probably what she thinks. - It is very telling where her head is at. - Insecurity. - And if I'm the fiance or the husband, I'd be like, "Dude.". - I'd be like, red flag. - This is how this person views everything around them.

- She should not get married. - And I do agree with you 'cause there's a lot of the like, oh, it's our wedding, it's our day. But when someone's so focused on controlling. how other people look and their bodies. and being like minimal makeup, do not outshine me. I'm like, I don't know, it just, it gets to weird territory where I'm like, what? - Your wedding, your day doesn't mean you dictate. how other human beings are around you. Especially in the restaurant industry. Like, this woman gets to wear whatever the F she wants. - I also have a feeling if we saw this girl in person,

we'd be like-. - She'd be like, oh, she looks fine. - She looks like she works for a catering company. She looks like she-. - If she wore a low cut shirt, girl, deal with it. - Yeah. - Like, I guarantee she's probably like this. with her husband anywhere they go. - Yes. Her husband probably hates her! - 'Cause if you think about it... (Amanda laughs). - This hot take from Olivia is just killing me. And she shouldn't have children! Like, oh, what? - Satan is waiting for her.

- No. Yes. - But the fact that the boss, that she called out the boss multiple times. and the boss just like sends her back out. It shows like, I'm like, bosses are like tough on people. Especially like, I've heard catering companies and stuff, like that's not, you're not gonna have a boss who's like, "Oh yeah, do whatever.". Like, they're probably taking that shit seriously. And he's recognized like, what this lady's complaining about, we can't-. - He's like, "We're short staffed. "She's working.". Also- - [Shayne] She's working. - Imagine that 18-year-old girl. She goes home and now she has a bad view on her body,

on how she looks. Like, this is the biggest issue, this is such a bigger issue with-. - [Shayne] It's so insane. - With young teenage girls. is there is the possibility. that a man might find you attractive. when you're in something that makes you feel good. And what bothers me so much is women also. just "yes and" these nasty toxic behaviors of going like, "Yeah, see? "She's evil by wearing something tight.". And it's like, hey, if your man is gonna flirt with someone younger, he's gonna do it whether she's wearing that or not.

That's your (beep) problem. I'm so done putting this on younger women of our generation. of just like, dude, why are we making them the villains? - [Olivia] Yeah. - And this is crazy. She's literally just doing her job. - She's doing her job. She's a, and by the way, this woman who's getting married, she's 25. Oh boy. (laughs). (everyone laughs). - Go off. - I love how it's becoming like things. that aren't as big of a deal. It's like, and you're 25? How dare you?

- And you're 25. That's when you're like, what, frontal lobe is fully developed. - I think didn't it come out, that's just when the study ended. - I hope this woman-. - You just keep getting more mature with age. - Hey, I hope this woman watches this. It's me. And you better see me. I wear tight clothes and low shirts. and big old diamond earrings. Come find me. - This is your biggest op now. - I will say, to tell your guests.

to wear dark colors- - To wear minimal makeup. - And minimal makeup. This girl does not get enough attention in her real life. that she has to... What is with brides-. - Or she gets tons of attention, but none of it's enough. - Oh yeah, none of it's enough. - It's just such a toxic view. Weddings are almost kind of like, it's one of those situations. where you said it earlier of like, it gives people permission in their heads. to be who they really are. - To be who they really are. - It's kinda like when someone's drunk, it's like that's who they like-. - This isn't a bridezilla situation. This is who this person really is.

- It's just like, yeah, all right, that's how you view people. Like, that's your priorities. - So sad to me. - It is very sad. It's very lonely. - I'm like, this is a day of uniting with your partner. And yet people make weddings. about anything but their partner. That's really what a wedding is. - There's something really sad, 'cause we've read stories obviously. where guests wear white and stuff like that, and it's like, hey, there are certain, like you hope your guests are respectful of you. But there is something very telling of like, it's my day and the main feature of my day.

is that everyone else needs to be smaller and minimized. I'm like, that's what's important to you. And that's so sad. - These are your friends. This is your community-. - Yeah. - That's gonna raise you up. - Don't you want on your day for everyone to feel good? - I will say, you were like, "Her family's calling her crazy,". but it's her fiance and her fiance's mom. is calling her crazy. - Oh right. And so her mom and her maid-of-honor. - Her mom and her maid-of-honor are like, "Go off.". So she has been "yes anded" her entire life.

- I gotta say though, if, 'cause did it say that her husband... Who was it who was calling her crazy? "My husband and mother-in-law said I was acting crazy.". - [Olivia] Yes. - If you're having a wedding. and you are calling your wife crazy on the wedding day, why are you getting married? - Dude, you're cooked. Your wedding is fully cooked. Your marriage is done. - [Shayne] Call that shit off. - Chopped. - God. - Chopped. - It's chopped. Honestly like-. - Chopped. - You're gonna have to, this woman needs a lot of help. - Yeah.

- To-. - And we're gonna bring Olivia in. - No, no. - To help her. - No, you need help. Like, I don't think you can have a happy marriage or life. if this is how you are to the world and to yourself. You disrespect people. - [Amanda] Yep. - And your family hates you. (everyone laughs). No, yeah, like your family. that you're marrying into thinks you're crazy. - Olivia's just like, "You know, you've been disrespected. "and everybody hates you. "and you shouldn't be wearing that," and da da da da da.

- Yeah. Sorry. - And you're taste in movies is awful. You didn't even write anything about that, but I just know. - I know. Oh my god. Your Letterboxd is shit. You don't even have one. (Shayne laughs). - Okay, Olivia, before we move on to more stories, are you certain this is the worst person. we're gonna read about today? - I'm certain this is the worst person ever. And if I see her coming-. - Oh my god. - I hope we don't. I hope for her sake we don't. (crew laughs). We gotta read a few comments here. "You're the asshole, but don't worry,

"I'm sure the catering team will get it right. "at your next wedding.". (Amanda gasps). - Oh, okay, Olivia, you are correct. People are coming for her. - Yes! Your marriage is so (beep) chopped, dude. - Olivia probably made five accounts and-. - That's me. - Wrote it. Someone said, "You're the asshole. "Too bad you didn't get to enjoy your wedding reception. "because you couldn't stop obsessing. "over a college age server. "The things that you objected to. "in the server could have been fixed. "She could have removed her jewelry. "The boss could have given her a shirt. "that covered her better. "But you didn't want it fixed. "You chose to complain about her.

"and not the offending items. "This was entirely your choice to not enjoy yourself.". Lastly, someone said, "Who spends so much energy on their wedding day. "because a server was wearing too much eyeliner. "and earrings? "You're the asshole. "You need therapy. "This is not normal.". - Oh. What was she thinking? She got roasted. - She also threatened to call the cops. - Oh, we never discussed the cops. - [Shayne] Which is very telling. - That is the most Karen thing. - Which is very telling. It's very telling behavior. - You gotta arrest this girl. She is wearing tight clothes.

and I see a breast and it's coming out. - And it's scary. - And there's diamond studs and a flashy ring like this! - [Shayne] Jesus Christ. - I know. Okay, we can't rile her up any, we can't. - I'm gonna arrest you! - We can't rile Olivia up. We gotta keep it down. Keep it down. We gotta keep it down. - We must move on. - We must. - Let's see if anybody's worse than that. - I don't think so. - I do. - I don't think so. - It's always possible. Our next story. Comes from Am I The Asshole posted in September of 2021.

Good year. - That was my favorite year. - "Am I the asshole for being at breaking point. "with my husband's made up language?". - Oh my god. Pig Latin. (laughs). - "My husband has always been a bit goofy, "giving his own names to things and doing impressions. "About 18 months ago, this-". - This is pissing my off already. - To be clear, you said the lady from the last story. is the worst person we're gonna read about today. - Yeah. (laughs). - "About 18 months ago, this started to increase a lot. "It's now a constant presence in our lives,

"and I'm finding it difficult to live with. "Examples. "He has his own name for most retail outlets, "professionals, organizations. "Eat Your Greens is Walgreens. "Sharts and Gobbles is Barnes and Noble. "He has about 30 to 40 everyday words. "that he insists on using in place of normal ones. "Skuppers with a rising whistle at the end is yes.". - Oh. (laughs). - "Bing with a descending whistle is no.

"And bagayaya goodnight.". - Ooh. - "He constantly does weird sound impersonations, "not like celebrities or characters, "but a single noise that's a made up sound. "or something childish. "like a fart from a children's TV show. "He speaks random words like garbage or douchebag. "whilst burping or farting.". (everyone laughs). "He has made up names for our friends, "which he uses sometimes even under his breath. "when we're out with them. "Pam and Will are Pig and Wig. "I've just had enough.

"We got into bed the other night and I said goodnight. "and he said bagayaya. "in the high pitched voice he always does it in. "I snapped. "and asked why he couldn't just speak to me normally. "and he just laughed and came right up close to my face. "and did it again. "His whistling is constant. "He speaks to our kid in this stupid language, "and I'm worried it's going. "to confuse normal language development. "because he changes the words so often. "Our toddler could be about to hurt themselves. "and instead of saying 'no' or 'come here,'. "he'll say some ridiculous made up word or sound.

"and then get annoyed. "when our kid doesn't know what he wants. "He's normal in other respects, "works in finance. "and is totally professional around his colleagues. "but different at home. "I told him it needs to stop. "I don't mind it occasionally or for fun, "but it's all the time and it's wearing me down. "He got upset and said I couldn't take a joke. "and that I'm not fun anymore. "It's true that I've become more irritable. "and noise averse since we had kids, "but I'm so worn out and over it. "and just want him to relate to me like an adult.". Edit. "I do not believe, but I'm not health qualified,

"that he displays any symptoms of Tourette's, autism, "neurological disorders, et cetera, "and hasn't ever done despite this. "He is physically, well by all measures. "He is for sure not having a stroke. "or significant physical health event. "Yes, I can see this could be a reaction to stress. "For those asking why I married him, "he did not do this to this extent before we had kids. "Occasionally, yes with the occasional name or words, "but not this regular. "He is amazing in many ways, "but this one thing is now too much for me. "I don't feel it's right to discount him.

"or throw out the whole marriage because of it, "but it does need to change. "He will not go to therapy. "We have discussed it calmly previously. "He did not take me seriously or make changes. "He sees this as funny and just a joke. "I agree that we need to talk more. "Yes, it can be funny occasionally. "I'm not trying to spoil his fun. "I also need an adult partner at times. "and for him to stop when not appropriate.". - Bing. - Bing. - Bing. - Wabagagayaya. - [Emily] It's baga-yaya.

- Bagayaya. - Bagayaya. Skuppers! Bing. - I hate this. - Okay, okay, here's what I think is happening. - Bagayaya. - I think when a man becomes a dad sometimes and a woman, they turn into something else, like a creature of sorts. And I think- - What? - I think they get into this like childlike place. I think not a lot of people talk about men. after having kids. Like, women talk about postpartum. Not enough.

But like men also go through a version of postpartum, and maybe something has switched in him. - They become a silly little guy. - And he's just, in order to cope, he's just like, "Bing, bong, bong.". - Okay-. - He became crazy frog. - So I... (Shayne laughs). I have a made up language too. - Chinese, Mandarin. Mandarin is not made up. - Speaking Mandarin. Like, by the way this is made up. I'm like, I don't think it's made up. - I have a made up language. Ni hao ma. (everyone laughs).

- [Amanda] Stop. - Yeah, no, that's my made up language. - Yeah, for sure. - For sure. - [Shayne] For sure. - Something has snapped in you. - Something has snapped. I do think that having children, something triggers a man to become more like a child. - Not always, but yes. - Not always, but I think maybe-. - It's like silly. - Maybe they start subconsciously thinking. about when they were a child. - Yeah. - And how they were.

- Yeah. - I've heard this before. - Look at us professionally coming at this. Where it's just like he's giving her the ick. big time. - Trying to figure out. - But he also should go to therapy. because I think there's some underlying-. - Him saying no to therapy... Well, it's interesting that-. - Did he say no? Or did she say bing? - Bing ooh. - Bada ba ba bing bing bo. - He said bagawawa. - She said, "He will not go to therapy. "We have discussed it calmly previously. "He did not take me seriously or make changes.". I think the issue about all of this is just. that he doesn't do this stuff around his friends,

she's saying, or at work and other situations. He does it around her. She has asked him to stop, and he just keeps saying it's just a joke. It just sounds like he's being disrespectful of her. No matter how silly the circumstances are, he's just not listening to her. - He clearly is not, he's a financial bro. His financial bros would never accept this probably. He clearly is not getting a creative outlet that he needs. He needs to go (beep)-. - Take a clown workshop. - He does need to do clowning. - He's having a creative-. - This guy needs to be an improviser stat.

- No, sometimes I feel like if I were in a job like this. and I can't be crazy and wild, I might, this might happen. - Yeah. Imagine I was a financial person. and I was like walking over to people's desk. and I was like, "Hey, y'all.". Like, I would go home and be like, "What's for dinner, bitch?". - Exactly. Exactly. - Like, I would lose my shit. - He's not doing what he actually enjoys. - But the kids situation,

him speaking to the kids in another language, that would bother me so much. - That's tough. - The real issue I think here is that he's speaking. to their kids in a made up language. Which they're in a development phase, which would frustrate me. because those aren't real words that they can use. - And the kids are confused. They think they're real words. - And they're very confused. - And then it said he will say, instead of saying no, he'll say is made up stuff. and then get frustrated when the kids don't respond to it. - Yeah, that's weird. - What's going on? - We don't know what Pig and Wig means.

- Look, I'm not a psychologist-. - Well, it means Pam and Will. - Yeah. - Pam and Will, Pig and Wig. I'm obviously not a psychologist by any means. I have no expertise in it, but I do feel like what seems to be happening is this guy, there's something going on. - [Amanda] Yes. - [Olivia] Yes. - And this is a weird way that it's coming out of him. - [Olivia] Yeah. - [Amanda] Yes. - And he's going, "Oh, I don't need therapy. I'm fine.". It's like-. - [Olivia] No. - I don't think you are. - No, something's occurring. - Something is going on inside your head. - Yeah. - I don't know what it is, but-. - His kids are bringing out some side that was suppressed.

- Yes. 100%. - Especially because he's downplaying it when he is being, like, he is not recognizing what's coming out of it. - He's like, "You're not fun anymore.". - Yeah. I can understand why comments and stuff are going, oh, is there Tourette's or autism or something? 'Cause it's displaying like, oh, there's like something neurological maybe happening. And I think maybe, but it's maybe more like-. - Maybe it's like a trauma response. - I think it can be. Get your brain scanned. - He really should go because I feel like someone, this is an interesting behavior that's happening. There is also the element of like,

she's like, "This is wearing me down.". There is also the element, the possibility that he's, this is a form of just pure like manipulation and just-. - It's possible. We don't know who these people are at all. - He's just doing this to berate her. 'cause he sees how much it affects her. - That's so mean. - But why? - People do mean shit. I don't know. - Yeah. - I'm saying we don't know these people. These are all possibilities. - This is still not as bad as wedding woman. - Okay. - I do agree with you. I agree with you. - The verdict is not the asshole.

She's doing nothing wrong. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Comments. "Is this a real post? "If it is, you got problems, OP. "Not the asshole.". OP said, "I wish I was joking. "I sometimes wonder. "if lockdown broke something in his brain.". - Oh. - Someone said, "Not the asshole. "I do this kind of stuff a lot. "Mostly the one about imitating stuff from shows. "I quote random TikToks all the time, "make weird noises to myself, et cetera. "But I'm more than capable of cutting it out if I have to. "I used to say 'my guy' all the time. "until it became a habit. "I don't know about that one, my guy.

"All right, my guy. "That one specifically drove my ex up the wall, "and when he told me he hated it, "I made a concentrated effort to stop saying it. "The fact he doesn't do this around other people. "shows he's more than capable of knocking it off. "when required-" - True. - "And that he's aware, at least on some level, "that he's doing it. "The only thing I can suggest, "given that your husband doesn't seem receptive. "to an adult conversation, "is that you refuse to engage with him. "unless he speaks properly. "Like if he says skuppers or whatever it was, "just act confused and say, 'Sorry, was that a yes or a no?'.

"Basically don't react. "to these weird made up things he's saying. "and show him you're not going to play ball anymore.". - Yeah. - OP said, "Thanks. "Yes, I think this is a plan. "It's been going on for so long now. "that I don't often have to ask for a translation anymore, "so I tend to still reply to his nonsense. "I'm going to stop answering unless he speaks normally.". - Skuppers. - Skuppers. - Skuppers! - Do you want lobster for dinner? Skuppers! - Skuppers! - Okay. - I am laughing. It is funny. - Also, my guy is not the same as a full made up-.

- [Shayne] That's not that bad. - Oh man, I was saying "dude" a lot. and man, my girlfriend was at me. - Someone said, "No one's the asshole. "Have you spoken to him directly. "about the fact you've noticed he's doing this more often? "Is it possible he's falling into this silly type of thing. "to cope with other stresses?". - Yes. - Yes. - "I completely understand being annoyed by it, "but if the frequency has increased, "there is certainly a reason for it. "Maybe giving him the opportunity. "to open up about this in conversation. "as opposed to a response to you snapping-". - Yes. - "Will shed some light. "and make things easier for everyone involved.".

OP said, "Yes, loads of times. "A few months ago we had a serious but calm discussion. "about it and I told him it was too much. "and I couldn't take it all the time. "He said he didn't notice he was doing it, "so I started pointing it out, "and he got fed up and told me I was being way too picky. "I just can't take it anymore. "I'm sick of reminding him to not be so gross. "burping and making weird noises-". - Ew. - "We're having dinner. "and the high-pitched sounds-" - I forgot about that. - "Make me want to claw my eyes out. "He even does it whilst I'm trying. "to settle our toddler for bed, "which just gets him all hyperactive and hard to settle.".

(Amanda laughs). - I'm sorry. The toddler's going to bed. She's like, "Goodnight, sweetie.". He's like, "Garbage.". Whatever he said. - Skuppers! - No, he says garbage when he burps, right? - Yeah. - Garbage. - Garbage. (everyone laughs). - This is so awful. - All right, we've come back around. He's hilarious. - No, he's not. There's something going on, and I would lose my literal mind. - Yes.

- [Shayne] Oh my god. - I would lose my mind. - I think this person needs help. Professional help. - Yes. - Yeah, probably. Update. - Oh my god, thank God. - Oh my god. - Skuppers! - Bing! - "It's been several months since I posted this, "so thought I'd come back to update as requested. "He eventually agreed to get checked out. "Confirmed neurotypical and no other health concerns. "We were referred for marriage counseling, "and he wouldn't go. "I ended it and am slowly rebuilding my life. "Honestly, this post was just the tip of the iceberg.

"and I'm exhausted, but glad to be out. "He also ended up really insulting our close friends, "and it all spiraled into complete hellfire.". (Amanda gasps). So-. - I'm sorry. - Wait, she's saying this was just the tip of the iceberg. Okay, so this is the Reddit thing that happens a lot. where someone writes in and they go, "Oh, my husband's making silly noises.". And then they update and they go, "Oh, by the way, he also tried to murder me.". It's like, yeah, okay. So the silly noises were not the problem. - Oh, 'cause they don't wanna. fully admit the big scary thing.

- Well, they're kinda like, yeah, they're kinda-. - They're processing like, yeah, he makes silly noises. Isn't that crazy? And in the back of their head they're like, "He tried to kill me.". - Yeah, he cheated on me. - Wait, so they're just divorced? - They're divorced. - And so the kid is gonna go to dad's house. and it's gonna be all (beep)-. - Made up language. - Skuppers skip up! - It'll be interesting if he continues doing it. - He will! - I'm surprised he was willing to go to a doctor. to get checked out and they're like, "Yeah, he's not... "He's neurotypical.". - Because he probably-. - Knows that he's not.

- Yeah. - Wow. - Maybe he did it so she would divorce him, and it was her decision. - Like a "Gone Girl" type of thing? - Yeah. This is "Gone Girl.". - This is "Gone Girl.". - [Amanda] Shayne's not buying it. He doesn't like it. - Bagayaya girl. - Nice. - No, but it's also funny when it's like, oh, why'd you guys get a divorce? Well, I was like saying all these, I have a made up language and that's crazy. - Garbage.

- Damn. - Yeah. - Still not, still not, still not as wild as the-. - [Shayne] Not beating the lady? - No. - Lady's the worst? - But then this woman and her future dates. or husbands or partners, they say one little quirky thing, she's like (gasps). - She's like, "Stop.". He's like, "Gotcha.". She's like, "Stop.". He's like, "It's a slippery slope.". She's like, "No.". - Don't. Stop it. - He's like, "Booyah!". - Yeah. Booyah! - One of them burps, she pulls out a gun. She's like, "You better fucking stop.". - Enough.

- Enough. - Enough. - Don't you dare. - She keeps attracting these people. - Looney Tunes. - Yeah. (crew laughs). She's just with a cartoon. - Wow. - Okay. - Okay. - Our next story comes from Relationship Advice. This was posted in October of 2025. "I hurt my friend's girlfriend's feelings. "by saying his ex was a better cook. "How do I make her feel better?". All right, so OP is a 32-year-old man. His friend is a 26-year-old man, and his friend's girlfriend is a 28-year-old woman.

Once again, "I hurt my friend's girlfriend's feelings. "by saying his ex was a better cook. "How do I make her feel better?". - It's just facts. - Okay. - That's just how it is sometimes. - Yeah. - "My friend recently started dating this new girl. "I would say it's been about six months. "since they started dating. "One thing that I noticed is he's cooking way more. "than he did in his previous relationship. "This is the first relationship. "since he and his ex broke up for good. "And one thing about his ex, she could cook.

"She made by far the best pork chop I have ever tasted. "But everything she made she could do some crazy work. "in that kitchen. "My wife is more of a baker, "but when they would both team up where she cooks. "and my wife would bake, it was like Shaq and Kobe.". (everyone laughs). - Oh my. - Wait. - Holy (beep) shit. "Now unfortunately my friend's ex cheated on him, "but I was able to convince him to try to make it work.". - 'Cause that pork chop. - Yeah. - [Amanda] Pork chop. - Holy shit.

"But I convinced him to try to make it work, "but then she cheated again and there was no convincing him. "It sucks because I miss those pork chops.". - What the hell? - "Sunday he had my wife and I over for dinner, "and surprisingly his new girlfriend was cooking. "In his new relationship, "he's been doing the majority of the cooking. "Her cooking was average. "He is good, but his ex was great. "So after we ate, she said, 'Be honest, how was it?'". Oh no. - Olivia is losing it right now. - [Shayne] It's so funny. - It's so funny. - "They were like Shaq and Kobe" is crazy.

- But those pork chops though. She cheated on me five times. - She cheated on your best friend, you go, "You gotta go back.". - You gotta go back. and invite me over the night she comes back. - Okay, so this new girl asked about the cooking. She goes, "Be honest, how was it?". - Oh no. - "So my wife and I were honest, like she asked, "and said it was average. "We talked about how his ex was the most amazing cook ever. "and gave her some tips.". (Amanda gasps). "My wife said if we ranked her cooking, "it would be my friend's ex, herself, me, my friend,

"and then his current girlfriend. "I disagreed.". - What the hell is happening? - What? She... - When they said, "Be honest,". it's not one of those situations. where you're gonna need to be honest. - Hey, okay, how was this food. that I just cooked for you just now? Be honest. - Average. - Oh, well, his ex, who's hot by the way. - Yeah, she's very hot. Bigger tits than you. By the way. Yours are an A. - Yeah. - Hers were a D. - Her cooking was the best. She was the Kobe of cooking. - And my wife is the Shaq of baking. - And she's like,

"I asked you about how this plate of food was.". - Nice ass. (everyone laughs). Sorry. - She had a great ass. "My ranking is my friend's ex, my friend, my wife, "my friend's current girlfriend, and then me. "But I do think there's room for debate after the first two, "to be honest. "But I don't think it's close. "My friend's ex by a wide margin. "Then my friend himself. "You can play with the other order somewhat after that. "Then we talked about how combining my friend's ex's cooking. "with her baking was an unstoppable force, LOL. "Anyway, her feelings were really hurt.".

- Yeah! - "And my friend made us leave. "My wife and I are confused because she asked for honesty. "and we were giving her feedback. "Now I see we should have lied, "but don't ask people to be honest. "and then get mad at honesty. "But still, I do wanna make it up to her. "Any idea is welcome.". - Cook some pork chops. - "I'll take long to reply because I'm at work, "but will when I can. "Thank you.". She didn't ask for a ranking. - Dude. - No, what if she did ask for a ranking? - She didn't. She said, "How was the food? Be honest.". - Could you imagine? - And they said, "Okay, so if I have to rank it.".

- They're just sitting there going like, "Well, let's rank them. "Well, of course the hot, hot, hot ex with the big ass.". - Podcast mics swoop in in front of them, and they go, "Well, all right, if we were to rank it.". - Yeah. - His ex. - Okay, can I just say, yes, that is really mean to say to a new girlfriend. entering their friend group. However, I think I appreciate this type of honesty. - Yeah. I get it. - You know, it's like...

- I can appreciate this type of honesty. if it's welcomed by all in the room and expected. But she was not asking for that. - No. - She was asking for feedback. It's not like if, okay, if we go into an audition and you go, "Yeah, how was this read?". It's like, well, if I had to rank all of the actors today-. - I would love that. I would actually appreciate that. - I wouldn't. I'd be like, "Yeah, how can I do better?". Would be what I'd be looking for. - I do kind of agree with like the auditioning thing. I'd be like, "Yeah, I want that.".

- Yeah, tell me the truth. - There is a world where being able to handle. that type of honesty is very freeing. - [Olivia] Yes. - But in this situation, she cooked something and she asked for feedback. and they went into talking, don't bring up someone's ex. Don't ever bring someone's ex. - First of all, average, not a fun word. Don't use it. - Not a fun word. - Nobody likes mid or average. - It's crazy how average means, oh, it's the most common. But it's bad. - Also what she-. - It's almost worse to say bad. - She put down the food and go, "Okay, what do you guys think? "Be honest.". As like a... - It's chopped up hot dogs.

(everyone laughs). - Well, okay, here's the thing, what if-. - I did a little crazy. - What if the ex is Bobby Flay or-. - [Shayne] True. - Or Gordon Ramsey. - [Shayne] True. - He's married. - Well, you know, or any, or Martha Stewart. - Wow. His ex is Martha Stewart. - Do you know what I mean? Do you know-. - Didn't know she was good at pork chops. - It's Ina Garten, you know? - Okay, she's married, and her and Jeffrey have a very solid relationship. - No, I'm saying like what if it was. like the best cook. - No, I know. - Like, why is this friend convincing the friend so hard.

even after she cheated to get back? These pork chops must be the craziest-. - These friends gotta let this ex go. - What if they just befriend the ex? - It seems like that's what they want. - They should just be friends with the ex. so they can keep eating her pork chops. - They cared about the pork chops so much. - Honestly, what they need. is they just need to get the recipe. - Yeah. - And get better at cooking it. - Yeah, but it sounds like the way she makes it. - No, it's more than just the recipe. - Pork chops are not easy.

- Pork chops are not easy. I think-. - That's an advanced recipe. - You have to cook with love. - Them saying it was not that great is not the problem. It's that they brought up their ex. - It's they compared to the ex. - They started ranking people. They could have said, "I thought it was dog shit.". That's fine. - No. (crew laughs). It's not fine. Shayne, no. - She said, "Give me honest feedback.". And they could say, "I actually hated that so much.". But-. - What are you saying? - But they really (beep) up by bringing up his ex. That's where I think they're really the asshole. - If someone said my food was dog shit-. - I would never say that to someone.

- I would never. No. - I would not say that. - Oh, if you hated it, would you say you liked it? - Okay, let be completely honest here. I rarely hate food. Like, I've-. - Oh no. So you're just like, you just shovel it in? - I'm saying-. - So you have no taste. - I'm never gonna be like, "I hate it.". If I was with someone I trusted. and we had a good relationship. where I know I could be honest, they said, "How was it?". I would maybe be like, "I think it maybe needs more of this,". or like, I would offer like how I think it could get there.

But I'm saying. that I don't think they're necessarily assholes. for whatever they said when someone goes, "Be honest, how did you like it?". And they go, "I hated it.". But where I think they're assholes. is don't rank her with his ex. - Just don't bring up the ex. - Don't bring up the ex. I think you're an asshole if you bring up someone's ex. - Olivia has a question. - I have a conspiracy theory. I have a conspiracy theory. - Or a conspiracy theory. - [Shayne] Go on. - Ex-girlfriend told them to say that. - You think they're trying to sabotage. - I'll give you an unlimited supply of pork chops-.

- Pork chops. - For one month. - Yes. They go, "Oh, we're actually, we're going over for dinner.". And she goes, "You know what? "You tell her that my food is better.". - You want a pork chop on your pillow tonight? - Yeah. - You go tell them. - Yes. Do you know what I mean? - And I want you to say average. - That's my conspiracy theory. - I love that. Is there an update on what her plan was? - We don't have an update on this, but we do have comments. - Okay. - Comments. "You wanted your friend to stay. "with a cheating piece of shit. "so you could occasionally have pork chops?". - Damn! - "You're a shitty person in general.

"I'd unfriend you in a heartbeat.". - I love that he's asking for suggestions. and people are just roasting. - How do I fix this? OP said, "That's not why I wanted them to stay together. "I thought she was genuinely remorseful, "and I could tell he really loved her. "The breakup devastated him, "and he didn't date for a while after that.". Someone said, "She didn't ask how her food compared to his ex. "She asked how her food was. "If you can't figure out where you went wrong, "I wouldn't be expecting an invite back.". Someone said, "So the girlfriend asked for feedback. "and you compared her to a cheating ex? "Why?

"Constructive feedback can be, 'It was a bit dry,'. "or, 'I prefer a bit more flavor.'. "But a direct comparison to another person, "much less someone like the ex, isn't helpful or kind. "You need to apologize profusely. "and vow to never mention the ex again.". - Profusely? - "You sound like you're in love with the ex, "or at least her cooking to try to push her onto your BFF. "and his ex in such a cruel fashion. "She asked how the food was, "not a comparison between everyone sitting in the room. "Mentioning the ex wasn't needed. "And why did you try to convince him to take back a cheater? "Because you missed those pork chops?

"Seriously, did you American pie those pork chops?". (crew laughs). - That would be so hard. - It would be really tough. - How would you get it even in there? - OP responded to that saying, "When I told him to take her back, "it had nothing to do with the pork chops. "I could tell that he really loved her, "and she illustrated to my wife and I. "that she was serious about changing. "and rebuilding his trust.". Yeah right. - Yeah. So no one actually gave him suggestions on how to-. - Nobody was-. - No. - Well, someone said, "Apologize profusely.". - The pork chops. - This person likes to make comparisons.

Shaq and Kobe in the kitchen. You know-. - Which is hilarious. - Yeah, so I think this is their personality. - If he said that to-. - Who's Shaq in that? - Who's Shaq? - His wife. The baker. - The baker is Shaq. - [Shayne] I think the baker. Yeah. - Kobe is the pork chop woman? - Yes. - Yeah. Yeah. - Whoa. - I would say that's... 'Cause pork chops that that requires more... No. I would say a baker requires more accuracy and stuff, so maybe that's Kobe. - [Olivia] Oh, okay. - Whereas a cook is a more general, like a big, like, you know, that's the main event like that you-. - I'm enjoying this. - Well, Kobe is also the main event.

- They're both the main event. That's why there was so much competition between them. - For sure. - With Shaq, it was an unstoppable force. Kobe could hit threes like nobody's business, so-. - So I think he's the pork chop. - What're you gonna do? 'Cause you have to double, triple team Shaq. - So you're saying Shaq is the pork chop? - You have to triple team his wife. - Wait, wait. No, no. (crew laughs). - Whoa, hey! - Kobe's out there. launching pork chops. - Shayne, you're talking. about something completely different. - And look, it's the reality. It's what you have to do. - If you wanna triple team the pork chop woman, do it. - No. (everyone laughs).

- Like, if that's your goal here... - Oh my god. - My whole point to come on "Reddit Stories". is just to roast Shayne. - Yeah. It's easy. - If they said the Shaq and Kobe thing. to this current girlfriend, there's no going back. You can't compare someone's ex to Kobe. - I would've laughed. I would've been like, "What the hell?". And then I would've laughed. - What is going on? No, for sure. - I kind of wanna get to know this person. - Which one? - I don't think you... But, Amanda, you are someone. who I think nothing's gonna like... You could handle some shit. - Oh, me and Hardzei when we eat our food,

I'm like, "What did you put in this?". (everyone laughs). I'm like, "Ooh, no. "Too much. "Too much of this.". And he's like, "Yeah, you're right.". - Yeah, same. When you're in like a long relationship-. - It's good, holy shit. - By the way, I'm an amazing cook. - You are an amazing cook. - I'm an amazing cook. - You are. - But like, if I'm doing something, like, my partner would be like, "Oh yeah, this feels a little too," you know. - I will say though, the better of a cook you are, the less offended you are by notes. - [Olivia] Yeah. - 'Cause you guys are both, you know a lot about cooking,

and your husband knows so much about cooking. I feel like people who know a lot about cooking, they're actually eager for feedback. 'cause it is a constant experiment. - Yes. - Yeah. - But if you're not that much of a cook, it's very much like- - It's tough. - Oh, it's a big undertaking You're taking on. and you wanna know that you pleased your guests. - Yeah. - Yes. - So that's tough. - It's tough. - But don't compare someone to their ex. - No. Or Shaq or Kobe. I mean, that sounds fun. - But we still, also clarify, is your wife the baker Kobe or is she Shaq? - I need to know which one is Kobe and which one is Shaq.

- Ask them. - I mean, if I'm them, you gotta apologize. You have to apologize. What profusely means, I don't know. - My advice to OP is have your Shaq wife. bake something awesome. Come over and say, "Hey, how are these? Be honest.". - [Shayne] And then she'd be like-. - And then let her do whatever the (beep) wants. - [Shayne] It's probably amazing. - It's probably amazing. - Yeah. - But here's the thing, everybody offers something different. So it's like, yeah, the ex was a great cook. This new current girlfriend probably-.

- Won't cheat on him. - Won't cheat on him, and that's better. - Yeah, and they can order out. - But God damn, those pork chops though. - I really want these pork chops. - Yeah, pork chops are really-. - I don't eat pork. I don't eat pork. - And to be clear, the woman is still the worst. - The woman is still the worst. - [Shayne] The bride is the worst. - The bride is-. - Bride is still the worst person. - Diamond studs. - Okay. - Flashy ring. - Our final story comes from Am I The Asshole. It was posted in February of this year. - [Amanda] Ooh. - "Am I the asshole for confronting my girl. "when I realized she took credit.

"for something she didn't really do?". - Ooh. - "So a couple days ago, my girl and I were celebrating, "and she told me she made me chocolates as a gift. "She was super excited about it, "saying she spent hours on them. "She works a little waitress job, "so she doesn't have a ton of money.". - That's a crazy thing to say. - My girl, she works a tiny little waitress job. - What the hell? - I cannot handle this. - "So she doesn't have a ton of money, "so I didn't mind her out a bit compared to what I got her.". - Oh. - Wow. - "I thought it was sweet that she tried. "I didn't even know she knew how to make sweets and stuff.

"because she always says she can barely cook.". She's not Kobe in the kitchen. "Anyway, I asked her how she learned how to make it, "and it turns out she just melted pre-made chocolate. "and poured it into molds. "She didn't even make any of the fillings herself either. "She got store-bought caramel and fruit spread and stuff. "Literally all of it was pre-made. "She barely put any effort at all. "And then she was all proud of herself. "Usually I try to let things go. "because she's so sensitive to criticism. "But it just really irritated me.

"that she tricked me like that. "So I called her out on lying about it. "She got upset and said she did make them. "because she put in so much effort. "Halfway through arguing with me. "about if it's okay to lie to me or not, "she just starts texting someone. "and says she doesn't wanna argue anymore. "She ended up getting her sister to come pick her up, "and she's been hanging out with her instead of me. "for the past two days. "Her sister called me a dick on her way out too, "which kind of makes me think my girl lied to her also. "about making them, "otherwise, I don't know why she'd be mad at me. "At first I was really sure that I was right, "but maybe I need to be more forgiving of it.

"Like, at the end of the day, I know she's not a great cook, "so maybe I should have expected it. "not to actually be from scratch. "She's usually really sweet and texts me a lot, "but she hasn't been talking to me much. "the past couple days, "so I'm starting to feel like maybe I overreacted. "Edit for clarity. "You guys are really upset about the way I talk. "and just wanted to address it. "She knows I call her my girl. "She calls me her dude. "She calls it a little waitress job too. "because it's basically just a side gig. "How I talk is not really the problem at all, "and I think it's strange you all are so focused on it.

"Anyway, some others said my age and what I got her matters. "So I'm 32 and I got her some old figurines she collects. "Also, just to clarify, "you guys seem to think she put a lot more effort into this. "than it sounded like she did from her explanation. "I'm seeing people talking about thermometers. "and how hard it is to make chocolate melt, "but she literally only used the microwave to melt it, "and she doesn't even own a kitchen thermometer, "so I doubt she used one.". - Oh my god. - "Maybe everyone just isn't understanding. "when I say she's got really little experience cooking. "and didn't seem to put much effort into these.

"She literally just melted it in the microwave, "poured into molds, "and then put stuff she bought inside of it. "That doesn't even sound. "like what you guys are saying homemade chocolates. "are done like. "Some people have said I should make my own. "to see how hard it is, and I think I might. "because you're all describing actually sounds hard, "unlike what she did with the microwave and everything.". - Okay. My little dude... (crew laughs). I'm so sorry. I don't think you deserve to be in a relationship, my little dude.

Because your little girl, little waitress job, she's gonna have a way better time. not making you goddamn anything. - Exactly. - This man does not want this little girl (laughs). This man does not want his girl to succeed at all. - No. - He consistently, I think he said it like seven times. that she didn't put any effort into it. - Yeah, you are a little man, okay? You are a tiny, tiny little man. with a very, very average below average.

brain. - Oh. Brr-rain. - Brr-rain. Okay? - Yeah. Get him. - And you know what I would love to do to this person? - [Amanda] Ooh yeah. Get him. - [Shayne] Get him. - I would love to go inside your house. - [Amanda] Oh. - Take away everything. - Okay. - Okay, so you're robbing them. - I wanna take away your stove. - Oh, that's gonna be heavy. - Your shoes. - Interesting. A very interesting thief. - I'm gonna move your ass out of your house. - Oh yeah. Move that stove. - And then you're gonna go in your house, everything's gone. - Yeah, take the shoes and the stove for sure. - No, no, no, everything. I'm saying everything. - Oh, everything. Yeah, yeah.

- No, no. I'm gonna, and then-. - But you're gonna start with the stove. - No. - Yeah. - I wanna take everything out of your life. - Yeah. Stove first. - So you're just an empty little tiny little man. - Yeah. - God. And you know what? I'm gonna... I hope you never get married. - Okay. Yeah, yeah, bring it around. - No, I literally hope you never get married. - Okay, yeah, get him. Yeah, get him. So stove first and then deserve to be left-. - You get him. I'm gonna be back here, but you get him. - Yeah, you get him. No. I'll be here. I'm right... I'm here. Honestly, this little dude, man.

And I will say, I was, when he was talking about her, I was gonna be like, so just the way you're talking about her. shows that you don't have any respect for her. So then he said edit. And as he's trying to say, "Hey guys, this is our thing,". he's again disrespecting her even double time in the edit. - I (beep) hate this person. - Yeah. - Yeah, but you said the other lady's worse. - [Amanda] Oh yeah. Olivia. - [Shayne] Said she was the worst of the day. - [Amanda] Olivia. - They're both equally the same. - No, you gotta, you can't-.

- Yeah, you gotta pick. - I'm trying to think now. - Skuppers. - This is making skuppers look like freaking nothing. - This is making skuppers look like bing. You know what I mean? (Amanda laughs). To be clear, she made chocolates. - What's the definition of making? - Don't really care how people make chocolates. Like, I'm like, you made me chocolate. - She put it in a mold and-. - And filled it with stuff. That sounds hard. - I'm sorry, she spent her time. She spent her time and money. - He's mad about the process in which she melted chocolate.

- He failed. - He should be so happy that anything, even she went to buy a Russell Stover from CVS. and that is enough. - Honestly, that shit's good though. You're upset by chocolate? Who's ever upset when they see chocolate? - Yeah. - No, he clearly has a complete, a very specific take on who his partner is and should be. And he's judging her from the get-go. He's like, "She has no experience. "But really she da, da, da. "She has a little waitress job and probably no money.".

But really she spent all of her time off. She probably works all the time. She spent her time off getting all the ingredients. and making it. - While you're at home masturbating. to some weird, weird stuff 'cause you're a weirdo. (everyone laughs). - The verdict was asshole. - I love this. - Comments. "Dude, my girlfriend knows how you feel. "For Valentine's Day, I made her a prime rib roast. "with garlic mash and baby carrots. "The problem is, I didn't raise the cow, butcher it, "and then prepare the roast. "Instead I bought it from the store and cooked it.

"And that's not all. "I didn't grow the potatoes, the garlic, or the carrots. "She got mad that I bought them too. "And don't get me started about the dishes. "Those came from Ikea. "All I did was spend two hours prepping, cooking, "and serving and cleaning. "What a knob I am. "You're the asshole, man.". Someone said, "You're the asshole-". - Oh fun. What a fun guy. - Someone said, "You're the asshole. "And 'she works a little waitress job'. "was all I needed to hear.". Someone said, "You're the asshole. "That's literally how you make homemade chocolate. "I was expecting you. "to say someone else had melted the chocolates. "and poured it. "This gift would have taken at minimum an hour.

"for her to make. "You owe her a huge apology.". Update. - Yes, yes, yes. - All right, so the OP posted a picture. of the chocolates his girlfriend made. - I need to see. - On the subreddit Chocolate. Claiming that he made the chocolates for her. to get an unbiased opinion. Okay. - What? - [Shayne] So he posted-. - What a manipulative weirdo. - He posted on Chocolates, a subreddit, saying, "Put together chocolates for my girl. "Do they look okay?".

And they look fantastic. - Wait, wait. Oh my god. They're like stars-. - And there's white chocolate. There's white chocolate and regular chocolate. Holy shit. - What do you expect? - They look amazing. - They look like chocolate. - Have you seen a (beep), sorry. Have you seen a chocolate in your life? That's how they look like. - White roses. - Comments on that. "Man, why do I have to run into you twice in one day?". - Oh. - "For the record, if you had been supportive. "and complimentary toward your girlfriend's efforts,

"she might've worked up the confidence eventually. "to try making them from scratch. "Little steps are important. "I doubt she'll ever try making chocolate again now.". Someone else said, "Dude, what the (beep) is this? "You're not making it any better.". I love that people followed him to the chocolate. They're like, "We followed you to the chocolate land.". (Amanda and crew laugh). - Oh my god. This little dude is in chocolate land. Let's get him. - You think you can hoodwink us on Reddit? My fedora is on so tight my head hurts. (Amanda laughs). - I've got a headache, little dude. - You're not gonna escape me. - Watch out, little dude.

My headache and I are coming for you. - Update number two. - Shut up. - "A lot of you guys were so dramatic. "I really couldn't take most of the comments seriously. "I still think homemade chocolates. "implies that every part is homemade.". - Oh my god. - "But clearly most people just say homemade imprecisely, "so I think it's not really her fault. "that she used that word in this situation.". - Oh my god. - "I decided to go ahead and apologize. "since it's clear she didn't lie. "since she didn't mislead me on purpose. "I also chose not to make chocolates myself. "because I don't care to be in the kitchen much.".

I fucking hate, I hate him. - Oh, oh, oh. - "I thought if I posted a pic of the ones she made. "and asked for feedback from people. "who actually know what they're talking about, "I could get a better idea. "of if she actually did them right or not. "and how hard that might be without having to try myself. "Like I said before, she doesn't even own a thermometer, "so all the people saying she tempered it right. "based on one comment where I talk about them being crunchy. "were probably wrong in my opinion. "The problem is that some of you are weirdos. "who follow people to other subs.

"At first people were complimenting her chocolates, "so I was thinking maybe I really do need to apologize. "for thinking she put in no effort. "But then someone posted a link. "and a flood of people showed up to insult them. "just because I said I made them. "There were a lot of comments. "saying how it's obvious no effort was put in, "they look terrible, et cetera. "But I can't trust those. "since they came from a poisoned well, so to speak. "I decided to just not mention that point to her. "since I couldn't get a clear answer. "on if they actually turned out well. "according to people who actually know about chocolate.

"So I texted her to ask if we could talk it over. "and she agreed. "Because of how dramatic the commenters were, "I did start to get a little nervous, "so I decided to go kind of over the top with the apology. "Took her on a date to a little arts and crafts place. "she likes to go." - Little. - "And I got her some food. "She also apologized for running off to her sister's place. "and said she's gonna take a little break. "from her for a while. "because apparently she said some pretty messed up things. "about me that upset her. "I guess her sister thought she was gonna dump me, "so she assumed my girl would laugh along with her. "when she made some bigoted comments. "and said a few other things.

"that really hurt my girl's feelings, "which is great in my opinion. "I always got the feeling her sister never liked me. "and I guess I know now it's clear why. "Anyway, I'm just glad she came home. "and everything settled down. "Sorry to all you people hoping she'd freak out. "and throw away 10 years. "over something as silly as candies, LOL. "She may have a history with lying, "as I mentioned in the comments, "but she's definitely a lot more mature than you people.". - I can't. - Okay. - I literally can't. I just went to chocolate land, and I wish I never went there. I literally can't with this little dude.

- There's a subreddit for everything. - If he says little one more goddamn time. - It's so condescending. A little arts and crafts. Like, you-. - Her stupid little arts and crafts. - You are so belittling and you are just so, yes. And you have no-. - Belittle little. - Little-ally. - You have no self confidence or-. - Hate you. - Like, you're not, you know what? If I had to rank this with, this person is worse. - And then that other guy's ex.

- This person is worse. - Do you think this guy's worse than the bride? - Yes. - I think they're completely different categories. - I think this person is worse. because this person will not change. And he's like, "You guys are weirdos. "for following me to another subreddit.". I'm like, you're the weirdo who did that. - When and how is she ever going to ever make anything again. for this man? Or sorry, this little dude. How are they gonna make little things together ever again?

- You know what? I think she should get, you know what? Maybe this will boost her confidence. in learning how to make, she'll be an incredible chocolatier. And she-. - She needs to move to Switzerland, learn how to make chocolate. - I guarantee she was like, "Oh, I'll just make some fun chocolates for February.". That's it. She probably doesn't even... But he just... I think it's even bigger than her making these chocolates. He just literally does not respect her.

and doesn't see this like growth. How can they even grow together? - [Shayne] Yeah. - Like, what if she makes a big decision. and he's just like... I can't. I really can't with this man. - I hate you. - This little dude. - I don't know you. I hate you. - I hate you, dude. He doesn't seem like he's actually sorry about it. - He apologized after Reddit people. - Yes. - He needed people from Reddit to be like, "Yeah, those actually look good.". And him being like, "Oh damn, I guess I need to apologize.". People who you don't even know.

- But it doesn't seem like he's apologizing. 'cause he feels sorry and like that-. - He wants her back. He wants her to touch him. - He's just, I'm apologizing. so that I'm smoothing things over, which is so shitty. - I feel so disappointed in people. - Yeah. - Yeah. - How are you like this? Like, why don't you wanna be a better kinder partner? - They weren't given the tools. I feel like a lot of people were just, they weren't given the right tools in their toolkit. to work through all of this stuff that is thrown at them.

But I still think this little dude. is a little (beep) asshole. - Yeah, for sure. - Like, I don't appreciate this at all. - Yeah. - Me neither. - And I wish that she would leave him. - Me too. - Yeah. - But I will say the bride still worse. - Still bad. - That was pretty rough. - I'm sorry. Still worse. - Yeah. Pretty rough. - These stories make me go, wow, I'm so glad we have each other. - Oh yeah. - Do you know what I mean?

- Yeah. - I won't be making chocolates for you guys, but like I would love to try. - What the fuck? - Honestly, could you imagine? She's like, "And this one is a white chocolate. "It's a rose. "And then this one is a star, "but it looks like a starfish.". And he's like (smacks). (Shayne laughs). No, not to her. To the (beep) chocolate. - Just smacks it. - Throws the chocolate. Like, did he try it first? - Did you microwave this chocolate? - Did he try it first? - Yeah, was it not delicious? It's too bad Shaq's not gotten into cooking.

'cause he can make Shaquille O'Meals. - Ooh. - How long were you thinking about that? - Okay. - Since we were filming "Smosh Mouth" this morning. - Wow. - I was hoping Shaq would come up. (everyone laughs). I have like a list of puns. Like, oka, in case Shaq gets brought up. - I can't. - Shaquille O'Meal. - Here's what I learned from all these stories. is have Olivia as your bodyguard. - Holy shit, dude. - You will be fine. She'll take your stove and your shoes. - A reminder never to piss off Olivia. - No, never piss me off. - Yeah, it's bad. - No, it's true.

I'm so nice, but I can also be so mean. - Yeah. - Got you. - No, you don't hold back. - No, I love it. - Anyways, thank you both for joining me today. - Thank you. - Anytime. I feel really angry. - I know. I know. I wish we had Oura rings. - Oh my god. - My app says I'm angry. - Shayne guesses your Oura ring. What number is it at? - I could, yeah. It lists your stats and stuff. Like, your stress level, your whatever. - That's cool. - That's awesome. - This isn't an ad read for-. - It's definitely not. - No. - But anyways.

Well, thanks, guys. - Thank you. - Bye. - Bye. I don't wanna leave. - All right. Thanks for watching, and we'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye. - Bye. - Bye.