2025's Worst Person | Reading Reddit Stories

- Hello and welcome to "Smosh Reads Reddit Stories.". I'm Shane and today it's our final episode. of Reddit stories of 2025. Uh, and the great thing is, it might be our final episode of Reddit stories for 2025. but it is the first episode of Reddit stories in a while. that has our good friend, Amanda Lehan-Canto. Uh, who is busy talking to Angela. They've been talking for months now. Um, but today we have the wildest stories...

- Sorry, sorry we have been... - Oh, oh, god, I'm so sorry. - Oh, sorry, we haven't been. in a video together yet, so... - Oh my god, we haven't been in a video together. - I know, you were catching, were you catching her up? - Hi, Shane. - Hi, Amanda. - Yeah, we were just talking about fettuccine. and you know farts... (Angela laughing). - That's so great. - She goes, well I barf a little if I have fettuccine. (Shane laughing). - That's traditional. - You know, I'm back. - Yay. - [Shane] Yes. - And it feels good. It feels good to be back on this couch with this.

God, I love this blanket. - Absolutely nothing has changed. - Nothing, nothing. - I love that. I would be sad. - Shockingly the same couch, same chair. - And this. - Yeah. - But, you have had her all day, now I get her. - Yeah, honey. - [Shane] It's true. That's true. - All right. - So, just keep the reading quick. - Okay, our producers, they've been saving these stories. for this episode. These are some of the wildest stories. they've come across this year. - Oo. - Well, they couldn't quite find the right spot for 'em. so they saved them for now. - For us.

- They saved them for you. - Yay. - Um, so uh, I think we'll need to buckle up. for this whole episode. - Okay. - [Shane] Yeah. - It's from here. - Buckle, buckle. - [Shane] Yeah. - It's one of the through there too. - Oh my god, yeah, buckle. Whoa. - Nice, we're at Six Flags. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Which is not a good omen. - No. - No. - A bad omen, all right um, all right well, we ready to hop in to this final... - I'm so ready. - [Shane] Final one of 2025? - Ready. - Okay, here we go.

First story, am I the asshole? This was posted earlier this year around April. Am I the asshole for snapping. when someone rubbed my belly and implied. I might be pregnant? So, today my office building was throwing. a little fiesta themed event. and they offered free lunch in the cafeteria. A bunch of us went down to grab food. While I was standing in line. I opened the Nest Camera app to check on something. and saw a little bird that's been. showing up outside everyday. I laughed and casually said to no one in particular,

this bird comes to visit me everyday. Right after I said that a coworker. who has made pregnancy comments toward me before. came up, rubbed my belly without asking. and said something like, maybe it's because you've got a baby bird on the way. I felt this immediate wave of rage. (Amanda and Angela laughing). Like, why are we still doing this in 2025? So, I said, don't be wishing. that kind of bad luck on me. She looked super taken aback. and my boss who overheard. also looked at me like I'd just said something offensive.

It felt like I was the crazy one for being upset. but I didn't ask to be touched. I'm not pregnant and I don't really like. people making those kinds of comments about my body. Now I'm wondering, am I the asshole for reacting. the way I did? Edit, I am not overweight which only makes it weirder. 'cause I do not look pregnant. There's a couple of rays of sunshine. trying to make me feel bad about my weight. Maybe I need to be more specific, my coworker did not do this out of my looks, that's why I'm concerned 'cause even though.

yes I'm not the fittest person, I know I don't look pregnant. - First of all, fiesta themed party? - I thought the same thing. - What? - [Shane] Fiesta themed... - I went, I went, well is it Cinco De Mayo? What is it? - Yeah, that's the one thing I have trouble with. - What is the translation of fiesta? - Party. - Yeah, party, party. - So, it's just... - A party themed party. - A party themed party. - And a little bit like, saying that a bird is coming to you... - That's, okay I was gonna say off the bat, you're weird. - Yeah. - [Shane] Yeah. - Feels a little Cinderella wannabe thing.

Or is it Snow White? - They might be a witch. - Snow White, Snow White. - Could you imagine a universe. where someone goes, oo, this little birdie visits me, to no one, and then somebody comes out of nowhere. and goes, maybe it's 'cause you got a little birdie. - Hoo hoo hoo hoo. - Maybe it's 'cause you've got a bird on the way. - Like, weird, weird. - Also, yeah, touching a belly is, I will say when I was pregnant. I really enjoyed people touching my belly, I did. but it was pretty clear that I, it was at the clear point that I was pregnant. - And was it anybody?

- Well, it wasn't the Trader Joe's guy. - Yeah. - I mean, he did and I was like, hey, walk me to my car. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. - Oh. - I'm joking. I mean every Trader Joe's guy did say, when are you due? - And I'm like, good thing, good thing there's a baby in here, bud. - Yeah. - I liked it. - But, this is weird on so, the touching is... - Well, 'cause you're, this is a coworker, they shouldn't be touching you. - You're a coworker, you're at work, and this person said they clearly do not look pregnant.

That's where I'm getting confused. - Yeah, they're like, I don't look pregnant, I'm not pregnant, this coworker's made. pregnancy statements before to them. - Yeah, what is that about? - So, this coworker has a weird thing going on. with saying that they're pregnant. when they don't even look pregnant. - Does the coworker, did they hear from someone else. that this person might be pregnant? And then also like, who calls a baby a little bird on the way? - I know, it's like, maybe 'cause you've got. a little bird on the way, that's weird. - I kinda wanna, I kinda wanna know more,

more about who this coworker is, 'cause the only way that this makes sense to me. is if they're a 90 year old woman. - Right. - Like a, that's the only way that I'm like, okay, I, just let her be. - Yeah, like no one's allowed to touch without asking. Sometimes 90 year old women can. (everyone laughing). - I do agree with you completely. - I'm like, she's confused. Like, she's confused, does not know where she is. - Yeah. - Oh yeah, I had a neighbor of mine, she was like in her 70s and she imme, she grabbed my belly and then lifted it.

- Holy god. - She was like, when, when, when are you due? And she lifted it. And you know what, I went thanks, that's a relief. (Shane laughing). - She lifted it? - She went, when are you due? And it's like she... - Oh, don't. - She went pop, you know? And I took it in stride. - [Angela] In stride. - What are you supposed to do? What are you supposed to do? - Kill 'em. No, I'm just kidding. - Well. But this, this is unheard of. I do not think that she is the asshole, at all, no.

- I'm scared because this is a repeated thing. that this person's into that person, into OP. and is into the fact that. they're pregnant in some weird way. Like, I'm like Reddit hat on. and I'm like everything's a weird (beep) kink. and you're weird. Okay, I don't wanna kink shame but... - Oh. - I don't like this person touching that person. and being like, you're pregnant, huh? You're pregnant, huh? - Oh yeah. - I think that's my fear. That's where the 90 year old woman thing comes in my head. 'cause otherwise everything else just seems horrendous. - [Angela] Scary. - And every voice you guys have done for the person. has been a creepy voice.

Like, yeah, yeah. - I mean... - They said, oh you've got a bird on the way... - Yeah, maybe 'cause you have a little bird on the way. - A little bird on the way. - Try to sound really cool, well, maybe it's because you have a little bird on the way. - Yeah well, it didn't work. - The more earnest you go the worse it gets. Um... - Oh boy. - Okay, verdict was not the asshole. - Yeah. - Comments, not the asshole, your boss was just giving their initial reaction. to one employee verbally snapping at the other. I wouldn't worry about that. unless it is followed up with comments.

confirming they believe you are in the wrong. OP is asking if they're the asshole. for snapping back when someone grabbed their belly. and said, maybe that's 'cause there's a bird on the way. I think we know they're not the asshole for that. - No, no. (Angela laughing). - Maybe it's 'cause there's a bird. - Yeah, oh if they said it like that. I mean, of course that's fine. - Yeah, just a joke. Someone said, not the asshole. Don't touch people's bodies. Don't comment about people's bodies. These are good life rules. and imperative office rules.

I'd be chatting with HR immediately if I were you. Someone said, not the asshole, no touching. and no assuming a woman is pregnant. until she tells you or you see the baby crowning. Even then don't comment on it, she's busy. Uh, someone said normalize slapping people's hands away. Someone said, not the asshole, I'm overweight and sometimes people think I'm pregnant. Like asking me when I'm due. but no one has ever laid hands on me. like some people do. I would lose my mind. I do not understand why people think.

that is okay to do to anyone. - No yeah, you should not, you should not be touching anyone. without their permission. Or, or making assumptions. and also, you're at work. - I know, yeah. - It's kinda like... - [Shane] Yeah. - It's an old fashioned thing to that like, I think older generations will like. talk about people's bodies. in a way that we're just like, that's just so not what people do anymore. - They don't understand it. - And they don't get it. - They don't, they do not, I think they think they're giving a, not in this case, but I think older generations.

sometimes thinks they're giving a compliment. - Yeah. - When it's like, uh, you should not be saying that. - Yeah. - [Shane] Right. - But they actually do not, they do not understand it. It's been unchecked for years. - Right. - Of them saying this but, do we know how old? - They don't say any, I don't even think we... - [Amanda] We're just assuming. - I don't think we get anything. about this coworker who says all this stuff. Do we get... - The whole thing is kinda weird. - Yeah. - Especially the bird. - Especially the fiesta themed event. - Oh. - It's all kinda weird.

- Yeah, what do they have for food. for the fiesta themed event? - They don't even give the gender, the age, or anything of the coworker. The coworker is completely... - See, we need that. - And it is true, 'cause like... - Yeah, we need to know if they are over 70... - [Shane] Kind of. - It's still not okay but it gives a little. bit of understanding. - It's never okay. - Correct and correct. - Yeah, OP left a comment about the coworker. - Okay. - So, we get some more context. I am starting to think in fact. that she is obsessed with me being pregnant.

She is always making comments about me getting pregnant. even though I've told her. I am not interested in that, nor is my husband. He even got a vasectomy because we don't want kids. She got pregnant old. so she thinks I'm gonna change my mind. Most of the time she's a very sweet lady. but this one thing is driving me crazy. Also, even though we are in Texas. she is from Latin America and I know. it is a cultural thing too. Yeah. - What? First of all, just regardless of any of that,

if someone has made it clear, I'm not pregnant, I don't wanna get pregnant, my husband, you know got the (beep) hysterectomy. Like, give it up lady. Give it up, it's not even your daughter. - [Shane] Right. - Let it go. Enjoy the fiesta, watch the birds. Stop doing this. - Yeah, it's also, I feel like we've read stories too. where it's exhausting. I feel like women deal with this a lot. where they're like, no this is a decision I made.

and people go, you're gonna change your mind. It's like, hey fuck you, man. - Do you know what I can't handle? I think early on a couple people were like, well I don't know, you won't fully experience what it's like. to be a woman, you know? - I've heard that too. - I've heard that so much. - Well, it's like, there's just like, there's a magic you're never gonna touch without... - And I'm like, I'm like, first of all that is not up to you to decide. what type of magic I'm gonna touch.

Maybe I jump off a (beep) cliff with a parachute. and that's magic, like... - There ya go. - You know, that worked, right? Do you think? - Yeah. - [Amanda] It's my first time back. - You're getting there, you're killing it. - I'm gonna land this plane. - You're absolutely crushing it. - I'm gonna land it and it's happening. - These are all "Mission Impossible" references. and they're dope. - And they're dope. - I watched all the "Mission Impossibles.". - Hey, and you know, what was more magical? - There you go. - Exactly. - "Mission Impossible" or having a kid? You know, it's hard to gauge. - It's just such a dated, it's also like, it's problematic too.

to just assume all women could have babies. - Ex... - It's problematic to make it their identity. I mean come on, we learned that like what, in 2002. - What's going on? But literally, I talk about this a lot on Reddit. is we really need to understand. that like, when you look at a woman. don't immediately think that she can have a child. - But we're on Reddit. - What do you mean? - I was just making a joke. about how Reddit's awful to women. - [Amanda] Oh, I know. - Yeah. - I'm so sorry, you were landing your plane.

- I was landing my plane. and now we hit some turbulence. 'cause there's so many birds up in the air. - Little bird. - [Shane] Whoa, a bird. - Little birds coming out. - Little bird. - I take this stuff to the extreme. where I will see someone who is like definitely pregnant. Like they are, they are days away. from having the baby... - And you're not talking about it. - And I'll be like, I don't know. I'm gonna pretend I don't see it... - I do the same thing. - [Shane] And do not acknowledge it. - I, no, I do the same thing. I do not often go up to someone and go, when's your due date?

Not at all. If I'm walking with my son. and they are holding their back and walking. and they're holding their belly. and their smiling at me like, I can't wait to get to that point, then I'll smile. I don't even say shit. Then I'll smile and go... - [Shane] Yeah. - Congrats. (everyone laughing). - I even feel a little inappropriate. when I comment on someone's new haircut. It's their body, I'm not gonna talk about it. - Wait, really? You can comment on my haircut. - That was a weird joke. - Unless it's bad.

- Okay, our next story is a confession. - Oo. - It was posted in August. - I was gonna say, you're safe here babe, don't worry, we're not recording this. (everyone laughing). - Okay, I Annie'd my way into being adopted by rich people. - What a brilliant title. - Yeah. So, I've been thinking about how I was adopted. and I just realized I totally pulled and Annie. on my parents. Now, they aren't Mr. Warbucks rich. but they're comfortable. They had taken me in as a foster kid when I was 11.

and I really liked them. so about four months into them fostering me. I wrote them a whole song with choreography. about wanting a family. Mind you, this was the work of an 11 year old. so it wasn't exactly a Disney Channel worthy performance. but it worked. A couple weeks later they told me they wanted to adopt me. and when I asked them later on why they chose me. they told me it was because my song and dance. really touched them. I totally Annie'd them but hey, at least it worked. I must not be too terrible of a song writer after all.

- Okay, I really love this. - Wow. - I really love this but I'm so sorry, we just have to stop for a second. because she said, 'cause OP said Mr. Warbucks? It's Daddy Warbucks. - Yeah, Daddy Warbucks. I felt the same way, I went Mr., who's Mr. Warbucks? - Mr. Warbucks? - Mr. Warbucks. - So, she didn't really Annie them. if she didn't know that it was daddy. - Yeah, she's never seen Annie. so how do we know... - Did you guys know that that actor... - Daddy Warbucks? - Daddy Warbucks. - What happened to daddy? - Well, I think he passed on. but he's in "Big Fish.".

He's in so many movies. and I never made the connection. - Amanda, it's great to have you back. - Yeah. I'm talking to a, I'm talking to a... - If we're talking about actors we're... - Non talking child for four months. - And we know for a fact you've been talking to him. and going, that actor's from something, huh? What's he from, huh? - Yeah, what's he from? - Okay, this is really sweet. but I also understand OP being like, did I like perform my way into their hearts? - Yeah. - But also naturally, if I imagine,

I can't imagine being in the space. where you're like picking a kid. but you see a kid just put their heart out there... - [Amanda] Yeah. - That's, I don't think they're manipulating those people, they're just really showing who they are. by being like, here I am. - Yeah. - And I don't, I've also never really thought about. Annie being like a girl boss manipulator. - Yeah. - [Amanda] She totally was. - I thought they were transfixed by her. I didn't think she came out and was like, me. Da da da da. - She kinda... - No, they were the ones that were like... - It was both, yes.

- Coming to this department store. and become a new person, you know? - Yeah, she was funny and cool. and had that big dog. - But like, I feel like Annie. was the bullied one in the corner. and all the other orphans were like, pick me, pick me. and it's like a cute underdog story. where Daddy Warbucks picked... - You never saw it? - I saw it, it's just been a minute since I've seen "Annie.". - Me too, I'm trying to figure out why she was picked. but I don't think she... - Carol Burnett, that's all we need to know. - That's all we (beep) need to know. Carol Burnett in the bathtub with the cigarettes. - Oh, she's so drunk and she puts gin in her tub.

- She does put gin in her tub. - I think she takes a tub in gin. - Do you think as little kids. you and I watched that movie. and didn't focus on Annie, but Carol? - I focused on Carol. - Yeah. - I was like obsessed with Carol. 'cause I was like a little bit scared of her. but I kinda wanted her as like an aunt. - Like, I think Annie was like a perfect little girl. and instead of being like, that's who I should act like... - Yeah, it was like... - I was like, oh I should act like that old broad. - Carol Burnett. - And be like... (Amanda singing). (Shane laughing). - That explains so much about us, wow. - So, I don't think she did that.

I understand it sounds like she manipulated them. by singing and dancing. but I also think that's her showing. how much she wanted to be chosen. - Yeah. - I don't think there's anything bad about that. - I mean, my interpretation is this is more like, when asked, why did you adopt me? They were just like, um, I mean... - You danced for us. - Your dance was so great, I feel like they were already planning on adopting her. - Right, right, right. - I think the dance like highlights. just how much she cared about them... - Yeah. - And probably just like an example. of everything going on. - Isn't that such an amazing way. to show someone that you love them? I don't know about you.

but when my grandparents would come over. my sisters and I would be like, sit down. (everyone laughing). We would, we would literally be in our nightgowns. which were essentially like little slips. and we would put on a record. and we'd be like, sit down now, don't talk, the show's about to start. (everyone laughing). And we would dance for like a solid hour. and they couldn't move. - They were stuck there. - And I think when you're a kid. you don't associate dance with any type of persuasiveness.

- Nope. - I think it's true joy... - [Shane] Yeah. - Or it's just expression. and you're like, when little kids dance. they're not like, I'm trying to get you to love me. - Yeah, but they're like, I love you. and let me show you how much. - They're like look at me spin. - I'll show you how much I love you, get on top of me sister, we're gonna flip. (Shane laughing). That was my life. - Comments, yeah Annie didn't con, she charmed. Nobody in either scenario. was under the impression they were getting something. other than a sweet little kid to take care of.

You won their hearts, you're all good, glad you got yourself a loving home. Every child deserves one. 7,000 up votes. Someone said, I did the same thing. but without realizing it, lol. I was four years old and just got. my first pair of tap shoes from the donation center. When my prospect parents came to visit. I danced for them because I loved my tap shoes. Turns out my soon to mother was a dancer, a jazz dancer. She immediately fell in love with me. and my two younger bio sisters. We were all adopted together.

Just had our 20 year adoption anniversary. - Oh my god. - That's the sweetest shit I've ever heard. You know what I'm thinking, like, it's kinda like when you go pick out a pet. from the like, and like a pet somehow picks you... - Yeah. - People always talk about that. - Yeah. - [Shane] Yeah. - Or it's like something happens. But then also to say. if I walked into an orphanage. and there was an orphan tapping I'd be like... I'm kidding, I'm kidding. - Not you. - I'd be like, you're pushing it. - Yeah, trying a little hard, girl.

- Hey look, you're four years old. - She's like... - Yeah, it's like, slow down. I don't have money. - Cigarette in her mouth, just tap dancing. - Hey, take me back to your mansion. - Last comment. Someone said if an 11 year old. walked into my house today. and sang a song about being a part of my family. I would adopt that kid immediately. You didn't con anyone, you were just an amazing kid. and of course they wanted to have you in their family. - That's really sweet. - This is a very sweet story. - [Amanda] You're pushing it. - I can't believe I said that, we should cut that.

- No, keep it. - If I saw that, I'd be like something's not right. - Yeah. Someone isn't who they say they are. - That's the LA in me. I'm like, if someone performs for it, blah. - I know, it's so true. - It's that one scary movie, "Orphan.". - That movie is so scary. They made a second one. - Oh no, they're talking about movies again. - Oh yeah, we'll go on forever. You can't stop us. (everyone laughing). - I'm just being Reba. - All right, our next story comes from Two Hot Takes. - Oo.

- Shout out to our friend, Morgan over there at Two Hot Takes. - Morgan, hi Morgan. - They write, am I overreacting. for being uncomfortable with my dad's new shirt? Okay, this is a 19 year old girl writes, my dad 45 year old man is weird. In recent years he's gotten into golfing. with some of his camping friends. and is starting to get pretty serious about it. Last year he and his friend bought some Titleist gear. and then shortly after that. got a hat in the same Titleist font that says, Titties.

- Oh. - It's not funny, it's not funny. - Yeah. - It's obviously not funny. - Do you wanna get that clean. so you're not smiling when you say titties? - No, keep it, keep it, keep it. - I'm laughing because for the longest time. my dad was big into golf. I thought it was titliest. I thought it was titliest. Everyone knows I mispronounce every damn word. I was saying titliest, so... - I know a lot of people listen to this. as an audio medium so I just want everyone to know. for the record, when Shane read titties, big smile. (everyone laughing).

- Hey look, some words... - Hey look, he likes titties, what can he say? - Some words get me. I actually thought this hat was super funny. and would steal it all the time. Well the other day I came home from work. and my mom asked me if I've seen dad's new golfing shirt. on the table. I hadn't, so I go out there to look. and he had gotten a Happy Gilmore jersey. and a polo shirt that was filled. with various sex positions. He had both of these proudly displaying. on our dining room table. I was really grossed out. My mom then told me that my little sister who's 11.

had seen the shirt too. Mom asked her if she knew what it was. and my sister responded, I probably shouldn't know and walked away. - Oh. - I told her that it was gross, inappropriate. and that it shouldn't have been left out. for my sister to see. She responded by telling me. that she thinks golfers have a high sex drive. and that is funny and just what golfers do. - The 11 year old said that? - Yeah. - Uh no, the mom. - Oh my god. Hey, I'm gonna go tap dance over there, guess what. - Hey you know, it's how those golfers are. - It makes sense, golfers have high sex drives.

- Pick me. - I'll be outside. - So, she told her mom that it was. gross and inappropriate and all that. and her mom responded by telling me. that she thinks golfers have a high sex drive. and that is funny and just what golfers do. All of my parents friends ages 43 plus. think it is hilarious and are excited for him to wear it. All of my, all of my friends, ages 18 to 21. all think that it is inappropriate. and isn't something a dad with a little one. should probably wear especially in a campground.

full of young kids. My mom says I'm overreacting. and that it's not that big of a deal. I know he's a grown adult. who can wear literally whatever he wants. He even has a shirt of a stick figure. humping the words (beep) your feelings. Well, we know exactly what kind of dad this is. - Whoa. - But for some reason this shirt is bothering me. and my friends have come up. with some creative ideas on how we can ruin it. So really, am I overreacting for this shirt? Uh, we have the shirt, if you wanna take a look at it. - [Amanda] Yes please, yes.

- Are you (beep) kidding? - Are you (beep)? - It doesn't help that the shirt's also stupid looking. Like, it's not a good shirt. - What. - Oh. - It's an ugly, it's an ugly shirt. - [Amanda] The sleeve. - It's also a bad shirt. - For the listener at home, it's an ugly (beep) shirt. - It's an ugly shirt but I'm so glad we got the zoom in. One of them just looks like they're hugging. so I think that one's fine. (everyone laughing). - Yeah, some of them are just platonic. Um, no this is inappropriate. - What an interesting shirt. From afar you wouldn't be able to tell, but close up...

- Um, so there's no official verdict on this. Comments are all over the place. but leaning towards it's definitely a choice. - Yeah. - It's definitely inappropriate. He's have an 11 year old daughter, like wearing that. I just, I'm just like, okay man. - Yeah. - Gross. - I also like, I don't know, maybe this is maybe you got this. but what is thing about like saying, golfers are really... - The mom's response of oh, golfers have a high sex drive. and all this stuff, it's just not...

- Honestly, growing up in church. they would say, boys, you have to like make sure you're not wearing, like they were worried about our like modesty. and they would be like modesty's hottest. and they'd tell us, they'd tell us. that men think of sex like every second. and they can't help it. and you have to help them not sexualize you. Was always what we were told over and over again. and that's what this kind of reminded me of. is being like, hey, he's allowed to think that way, 'cause he's a golfer.

What? - Yeah. - Like, I feel like sex drives can be for any gender, any sport playing, whatever, why is it all this... - Agree. - And that doesn't give you the excuse to be a creep. and wear (beep) crude things around children. That's so (beep) up. - Yeah, and I actually hate that. of just like, oh men, they all think about sex. so like, you gotta kind of cover up. 'cause they can't control themselves, it's like... - Or someone else's sex drive is your problem. - Right. - Right, exactly. - Like this dad has a free pass to do whatever he wants. 'cause it's like, hey, it's just how he is, he's a golfer.

- I'm so sorry he has to wear this shirt. because he has such a high sex drive. - And do golfers have high sex drive? - What does that even (beep) mean? - I don't see that. - [Shane] It's the first time I ever read that. - I think they got a boring drive. - [Shane] Oh. - Eh, oh, oh. Boom. Got 'em. Love that. - Gotta get a personality drive. (everyone ooing). - Boom. - There it goes. - Oh out there, hey, it's over there. - Oh, whoa, whoa, watch out. - I went like this and then it went hey, hey, hey. - I think you started playing baseball there, I'm gonna be honest.

- Hey, hey. - Hey, hey. - Da da da da da da da. - Pick me. (Shane laughing). Now we can't cut it. - And now our halftime performance. Someone please adopt her. - She's up for adoption. - This dystopian world we've created. - It's crazy. Singing the National Anthem is a girl up for adoption. - Her name is Gertrude. - Jesus Christ, "The Hunger Games.".

Comments, just point to a few of. the images on the shirt and say, I've tried this position, this one, this one too and yeah, I wanna try this one now. You'll never see the shirt again. Someone said, not overreacting, sure it's funny in a college frat kind of way. Embarrassing for a father figure with young children. Lastly someone said, I actually have this shirt. I only wear it very sparingly in very select company. and very aware at how cringey and ridiculous it is. I couldn't imagine wearing it around relatives,

coworkers, or strangers, unless the intent was to make them uncomfortable. and that would make me an asshole. - Who's that? Can we reach out to them? - Yeah, let's reach out to them. - That was a great commenter. 'Cause that was brave to be like, I do own this shirt but here is a responsible person. - Yes. - Right. - 'Cause I don't think it's like shitty. that that shirt exists. - Agreed. - Yeah. - And I don't think you can be like, you're canceled. because you wear this shirt. - Exactly. - But, it's also just like, you know, that's what the shirt is.

- It's the context, right? Like yeah, if you're hanging out with a bunch of friends, you're going to a stupid party. where the vibe fits that, it's like, oh I'm gonna wear this ridiculous shirt. - Yeah, or to a fiesta. - Fine. Yeah or a fiesta themed party. - An office little fiesta. (Angela laughing). - Update. - Oh my god. - Two months later. - Someone burned the shirt. - I was gonna say, she took a shit on the shirt. - [Shane] Do you think they took care of the shirt? - She took a shit on it. He's like, I can't wait to wear it. I'm a golfer with a high, poop? (everyone laughing).

- Oh no. - Oh no. - I've got a poop here. and someone goes, I think there's a bird on the way. - And they're hand right in the poop. - Right in the shit. - Singing the National Anthem. - Pick me, the poop. - That's what my was you starting like, I'm a golfer with a high sex drive, oh. - Oh, poop. Oh no, there's poop. - It's me, a golfer with a high sex drive, oh poop.

- There's a bird on the, oh there's poop. - Holy shit. Okay, so let's see if that happened. - [Angela] Yeah. - Yeah. - That's my prediction. - Yeah. - Small update but my plan worked. Take a shit on it. - She put a little birdie? - I would die. - Birdie, golf. - Birdie. - So, today my mom and dad went golfing. and he wore the shirt. They left before I was awake. so I had to wait til they got home.

and I did exactly what I said I was going to do. I'm sitting on the deck. and my dad was walking into the camper. so I got up to talk to him. OP says, hey I've done those before. Done what, dad replies? I poke at various spots on his shirt. Dad says, you did not just say that to me. I can't believe you would do that. Get the (beep) out of my camper. What's wrong with you? Did you hear what she just said to me? This is his sense of humor so I wasn't hurt. just happy that it worked, lol. Oh, so he was saying it like, you did not just say that to me.

I can't believe you would do that, get the (beep) out of, so he was saying it like humorously? - [Angela] Cool. - All right. He then went into the camper. and immediately took the shirt off. followed by there are some truths that I don't need to hear. Later we're sitting by the fire. and he starts telling the story to our friends. and starts off with, you wanna know what ruined my day today? So, I think it was a success. and I don't think he will be wearing that shirt. anytime soon. - That's awesome. - Shoulda pooped. - [Shane] All right. - I mean, I think it still worked. - I think that worked as well, but yeah.

- No, that definitely worked but, come on. - Shoulda pooped. (Amanda grunting). - I like in your version. he gets the shirt on entirely... - I know, he's getting it off the hanger. in your version with a piece of poop on it. - He sees the, well he only sees the, he's in a rush, okay? 'Cause golfers have to get there. - And he has a high sex drive. - He has a super high sex drive. so he doesn't flip the shirt around. So he only grabs it from behind. and then he puts it on and he goes, oh, he didn't recognize the poop. I know this guy. - Yeah. - You know?

- We all know this guy. - I know this guy. - Our next story... - Oh wow. - This comes from summer, June of 2025. This comes from the Subreddit, Wedding Shame. Title reads, wedding date changed last minute. to a weekday in another state. - Oo. - Oof. - Oof. - We have 10 photos that I'm gonna read through. These are all email exchanges.

- Oof. - Oh, I love that. - From the people having the wedding. Subject line, bold, all caps, important, three exclamation marks. Date change. Hi everyone, we wanna make you aware. of a critically important update. The ceremony date is now June 27th. and the location has changed. Please note this down carefully. We have decided we want to have a church ceremony. in addition to our planned beach ceremony and reception. The officiant of our choice does not. do weddings at locations outside of his church.

Having a church ceremony is very important to us. morally and ethically. We are canceling the beach ceremony to spare redundancies. There will still be a reception on the beach. The ceremony will now be Friday, June 27th at 2 p.m. At blank, Oregon. The reception will be the following day. at blank in Port Angeles, Washington. (Angela laughing). - They have to cross state lines? - If you cannot make the 27th we understand.

but please be aware that will be. the only opportunity to participate in professional photos. - Ah. - Oh. - It continues on, bridesmaids, we kindly ask you wear this yellow dress for the 27th, still reserve the gray dress you already purchased. to wear on the 28th. After viewing the interior of the church. gray just would not work, thanks. Uh, they misspelled groomsmen. They said, groosmen... (everyone laughing). - Nailed it.

- They're in a rush. - They have poop on their shirt. - Yellow ties, yellow ties will be provided for you. on the day of the ceremony. If you have any concerns, go ahead and reach out. to our super girly wedding planner. Thanks. - Oof. - Three K's, four S's in that thanks. Can't wait to celebrate with you. Heart. So, there's a message responding to that. from a bridesmaid coming from halfway across the country, also a relative of the groom. Am I understanding the above message correctly. to mean your wedding ceremony is now on a weekday.

during the day? If so, I have to admit I am pretty surprised. and disappointed. My family booked tickets months in advance. to travel to Washington. and the church appears to be several hours away, necessitating another hotel stay. Between that and the unexpected day off work, we can't afford this extra day. I was not participating for the party aspect. so much as the special memory of seeing you and blank. get married and be a part of that milestone. If I am misunderstanding something. or if there is another ceremony.

that will be happening on the 28th. I apologize for the confusion, but please let me know ASAP. - Oh boy. - Someone else responded being like, let's... - These are reply all's. That's when you know something's (beep). - The bride responds to that saying, let's be respectful and take this offline please. Ladies, friendly reminder, contact blank directly with any concerns. so as to not spam everyone's inbox. K, thanks. - Whoa. - K, thanks is... - K, thanks is... - K, thanks in this time is crazy.

- Crazy. - K, T-H-X. K, thanks, all... - K, thanks has always been kinda crazy. - As one word? - As one thing. Pretty rough. - K is just not a cool thing to say. - K, thanks on email is insane. - Yeah. - Yeah. Another email from the bride. Another big one. - Reply all. - All in bold, subject line bold. Quick updates and reminders. Hiiii everyone. - Oh no.

- Lot of I's in these hi's. We are so excited to have you. as members of our wedding party. Thank you to those of you. who actually care and stuck with us. - This is good. This is (beep) awesome. - Oh. - A few quick notes, to-do's, and FYI's, general, we will no longer be using a wedding planner. Blank... - The girly? - [Amanda] She quit. - The girly. - The girly... - What was her name, wedding girly? - Yeah, wedding girly planner something. - Blank and I are just too quirky. to fit into a box.

(Angela laughing). This person. - I'm dying. I'm dying. - She goes... At our wedding you have to cross state lines. to go to the reception. and I'm too quirky to fit in a box. - And just speak to the girly. The girly's like, I'm out. - I can't fit into a box. (Shane humming). - Adopt me. - Adopt me. - Blank and I are just too quirky. to fit into a box. We're doing things our own way. Please do not contact Megan with any more questions. She is no longer involved.

with the planning of the wedding. Please come early on, so this is an asterisk, these are notes. Please come early on the 28th. because we have been unable to secure enough chairs. We won't really need them. We'll be dancing all night. (Amanda laughing). - It's just so quirky to fit in a box, it's crazy. - If you're in the wedding party. you are not expected to send a gift. Your presence at our special day is gift enough. Heart, heart. As previously stated, we are unable to accommodate. any dietary needs or requests.

(Angela laughing). - They're quirky. - Please bring your own food if you require that. - What? You want lunchboxes at your wedding? - After careful consideration. we have decided that with the exception of our boys. this wedding will be child free. That does also include the reception. Please plan accordingly. - Let's get a babysitter in Oregon. and also Washington. - Also Washington. We'll have special goodie bags. for all members of the wedding party.

available for pickup at the venue. Bunch of smiley faces. Spoiler alert, it includes a plant. so if you're traveling internationally. please plan accordingly. - Please pack a bag for the plant. - Please plan accordingly. - What is happening? - This girl's drunk, this is crazy. - Oh my god, she's quirky. - Bridesmaids. - Oh. - If you are over 5'5", please get these flats instead of. the initially requested heels. - Because you can't be taller than me? - What? Because they can't fit in the church.

- Very tiny church. You can't fit into a box. - You can't, 'cause they're quirky. - 'Cause the on ramp from Oregon to Washington. is too short with the bridge. and you need flats, girlies. - Plan accordingly. - Makeup will be $300 per person per day. - This is (beep) awesome. - A day? You don't need makeup for the party. You don't need special. - You don't have to get it if you don't want to on the 28th. but we kindly insist all bridesmaids. get it on the 27th if they want to be in any photos. - If they wanna be pretty.

- So, now can we get all the girls in makeup. for the picture and the girls not in makeup over there. - Hey, ugly girls stay in the back. Hey, ugly girls with the flats, you're in the back. - Can we get the tall (beep) over here. and then the (beep) who don't wanna. put on cover up over here. and we're gonna take a picture in the yellow. - Yeah, quirky girls. - For reception day we'll be getting ready. starting at 6:45 a.m. at our Airbnb. For ceremony day we'll be getting ready. at the venue time TBD.

If you are not there on the 28th by 7 a.m. You will not be let in. to ensure things run on time and schedule. Nobody wants a repeat of the Bach. Uh oh. - Katie, you were late so you're an ugly girl. and you're in the back. - Hey Katie, remember when you walked in. and I was getting a lap dance. from the guy who looked really (beep) hot? And you ruined it because you were ugly and tall? Stay outside. - Yeah, you're out, bitch. - If she ends this and says, K, thanks, I'm gonna walk out. - I'm gonna stay.

- I love the little just, what happened at the bach? - Yeah, there's so much context. - Groomsmen, per tradition the groom. cannot see the bride prior to the ceremony. so unfortunately there is nowhere for you. all to get ready on the 28th. - That has nothing to do with that thing. Why do those things have nothing to do... - Since you basically just need ties this is no biggie. Some people were going to get together at. blank pub beforehand.

Feel free to coordinate amongst yourselves. Someone responds, actually this is the bride. The bride sends another message. - Oh, please tell me it's in all caps. - It's, there's no subject line. that I see on this one. I just know it's the bride. 'cause the hi has four I's in it or five. - That could be anybody. - Hi, a few quick updates and gentle reminders. - I'm obsessed with this story. - I know. After careful consideration. we have decided there will be no speeches.

- Oh, I love it. I love it. - Especially from people not in makeup. - Yeah. - Only confirmed Catholic bridesmaids and groomsmen. are permitted to stand with us during the ceremony. Not our rules, the churches, sowwy. - Kaitlin, you unCatholic whore. Stand in the back, ugly girl. - You weren't confirmed. Now let me get my (beep) dance on. - Um, I can't get over that she wrote sowwy.

S-O-W-W-Y. Okay. They continue. Some of you have not paid the $25 per plate, per person deposit for food. which sets a poor example to the other guests. as y'all are the wedding party. We're kindly insisting each member of the wedding party. chip in $650 for expenses. I am sorry I have to ask at this point. but it is customary for the wedding party to just offer. - To offer 650... - With the emoji of this.

- Wait, to offer $650 for what? - [Shane] Expenses. - To be Catholic? - I don't know. And remember earlier, no gifts. Your presence is the presents. - Plus $650. - But also $650. - Sowwy. - [Amanda] Sowwy. - Sowwy. - Can you imagine a doctor going, yeah, it's terminal. Sowwy. - Sowwy. - Sowwy. Should have been Catholic. - Sowwy. - If you don't drink we gently suggest. you seriously consider whether or not. you really want to come to the reception.

This is meant to be a once in a lifetime celebration. and it only takes one wet blanket. to snuff out everyone's fire. This is a personal choice for you to make. - They're so quirky, I can't handle it. - So, okay, okay, this is (beep) so quirky. and out of the box, I can't breathe. So, you have to be a certain amount of Catholic. to do the ceremony. and then you have to be a certain amount of drunk. to do the reception. - Drunk to do the reception. And you have to be short as (beep) to do any of it. - And you have to wear your flats. - And if you're a guy, ah. - Hey, we'll be at the pub.

- Who cares. - Guys can do whatever they want. - This is... - Get ready at the pub. - Yeah, this is (beep) crazy where she's like, if you don't drink, please... - Please don't be a wet blanket. that snuffs out... - I need you guys to at least be funny and dance. - Oh my god, I can't. - This is honestly, it's honestly sounding like a. acting gig. - Yeah. - Where they're like, be here at this time... - It does, it does. - Worry about your transportation. You need makeup, you need this... - Park a mile away, some guy will pick you up. and don't worry about it. - Don't have a bad attitude. - Yeah. - Yeah. We will offer translation services.

for those who need them. Please direct your guests. who require such services to sit in the back on the left. at both functions. There will be 30 minutes of open bar. before the other guests arrive. as a thank you to our number one ever wedding party. - And then it turns into a cash bar. - Holy. - So, they're paying $600 for their open bar. - This person is so manipulative. because they're saying we love you, your presence is enough, we want $650, we're gonna open the cash bar for you. because we love you da da da,

but also you're not Catholic enough. - There is... - I can't breathe. - Then they write, love you all. with two emojis, the like, the like, and then the hands. - What's the hands? - So like, thank god you're here. - [Shane] The two hands clapping. - Oh, oh thank god. - Well, the bride comments again. - Okay good. - Hey ladies and himbos. - Oh, oh, oh. - What the (beep) does that mean? - That's quirky. - It can't fit in the box. - They can't. - Next time I'm disruptive in a video. I'm gonna go, I'm so sorry.

I'm so quirky I can't fit in a box. - Yeah, don't put me in a box. - This next sentence is crazy. Would anyone be interested in helping us. get a wedding cake? You'll be shouted out specifically. during the ceremony if so. - You get a shout out on the radio? - It has to be dairy free. Thanks, love you all so much. This has, I hope she's pranking all of them. - No, no. - Like, this has gotta be. - This is outrageous. - I wanna be just clear, because I keep saying I love this girl.

I love this because it's so insane. - It's so insane. - This person is very problematic. - Wait. - And very arrogant. - Can I ask, when these emails are getting sent out. to how close it is to the wedding? Do we know? - I don't think we know how much in advance but, oh no, it's a week before. - [Director] Yeah. - This is all a week before? - It's a, change last, date changed last minute. All we just know is it's last minute. - A week? But nobody, nobody can do it.

- She, I can't... - Okay, so this was posted on June 5th. and the ceremony date is June 27th. So literally like three weeks. - I can't. - So, I don't, I mean at this point I don't blame her. She's trying to do a whole wedding in a month. so that's why she needs a committee. And that's her people and she's asking them to pay. This is crazy. - Last message, in all caps, in bold, with periods after every word. Important, read this. If you are no longer participating in our wedding, pulling out just days before the ceremony.

we totally understand but please be advised. we won't forget who stood with us or not. Dot, dot, dot, heart. - No thank you, no hi, just heart? - Just heart, and it's like the you know. - And it's just like, we will not forget this. - We will not forget who stood by us. - My favorite yeah is someone going, totally, no worries, but I won't forget. - Yeah. - I will remember this forever. - Yeah, but totally no worries, heart.

- Totally no worries, I'll hold it against you. for the rest of your life. - Yeah. - I, if I'm trying to cast her in a movie. I don't even know who I would, like I was thinking like a young Reece Witherspoon. but that doesn't even do it. - Oo, like "Election" vibes. - Like someone who looks like. a little not well behind the eyes. - Yeah. - [Shane] Yeah. - Jennifer Coolidge? - Jennifer Coolidge would be too sweet. - [Amanda] She's too sweet. - This has to be an absolute demon. - Like, I literally can't even cast it. - I think if you wanna go funny route, like imagine a young Molly Shannon doing this, could be good.

- I like that. - Could be good. Um. - I don't know why I'm thinking. someone from "Succession.". I'm thinking the one that's married to... - Oh, this is very "Succession" coded. - The one that's, the brother that wants to be the president. and it's the girl who's just like, Connor, what are you doing? And she's in nobody wants this... - Yeah, she's so funny. - And she just sits there like this. - Yeah. - I literally can't... - I don't know. - This girl and the bubble she must live in. I think about this all the time. with like, sometimes like the politicians. who run our country. Where sometimes I think when people are surrounded by.

so many yes men, they like, reach a level, like celebrities have this too, where like they reach a level of like stupidity. and like not groundedness. - [Shane] Yeah. - 'Cause people are just never. gonna call them out on their bullshit. and they're just like around all these people. that are just taking it and taking it. so then they think they can do whatever. and then they get to a level of power. where they're like, hey I'm gonna ask this of you. and I know it's probably not fine... - Right. - But I haven't been called out for my actions. - Right. - And you're like, who, what are you?

- I mean is the hus, what is the husband literally doing? - Is anybody gonna be like, don't you think that's not fair? Anybody? - Yeah, the husband's like, hey I'm a himbo, right? - Yeah, I'll just, I'll wait in the back. - Like... - You're right, if she's too tall. she shouldn't stand next to you. - Yeah, what's happening? Tell us, Shane. - So, we have some comments. Each email got worse and worse, holy shit, I'm exhausted just reading all that. 10,000 up votes. OP responded saying, I almost posted this.

early on in the emails. but I decided that would be petty and inappropriate. I know weddings are stressful et cetera, then it kept going. Someone replied to that saying, how old are these people? It sounds like young drama but you never know. OP responded, 33 and 47. - I was gonna say, it actually sounds older to me. - Yeah. - But that's not old. - Just sounds clueless. - And someone said, this makes it even worse. Oh my god. Someone said, good bless planner, Megan.

I can only imagine what that poor woman went through. - Oh. - Someone said $300 per person for makeup? Is everyone getting a full new makeup kit as a goodie? - A day. - Jesus (beep) Christ. - I mean weddings do be like that. Like the upcharge when it's just labeled wedding, my friend's planning her wedding right now and she's like, when you just put... - Wedding. - Like you can get someone's hair and makeup done so easy. but then when you say it's for a wedding is like... - It's boom. - Yeah. - So, I get it but it's still insane. - Yeah. - So much of it's truly the tone.

Like so much of it comes down to the tone. - Sowwy. - It just like, just expecting it out of everyone... - [Amanda] Yeah. - And then like, and then adding the whole like, and I'll remember this forever. - Yeah, we'll remember the ones that stood with us. - Yeah. - Like this is a girl who I think. has never been told no or something. because like, why is she assuming. all of these things are fine? - And then to drop the no kids, what? - Yeah, dropping the no kids, dropping the, oh if you're sober (beep) off. All of these...

- Oh my god. - All of these things three weeks before. I mean I... - I wouldn't go. - There's no way in the world I would go. - I would absolutely go and I wouldn't pay. I'd be like I'm gonna Venmo you. Oh, I got a Venmo, yes, yes, I have to Venmo you. - Yeah, yeah. - See, I think this wedding would be a travesty. not in like a fun way. I think it would be boring. I think it's gonna end up with nobody being there. - All the pictures I would (beep) derp. I would be like... (everyone laughing). - Yeah.

I'd wear a big cross and six inch heels. - You're dressed as the Nun. - The Nun. I'd have the full makeup on. I'm like, hey girly. Sowwy. - Um, Last comment says $300 per person for makeup? Is everyone getting a full new makeup kit as a goodie? Jesus (beep) Christ and as a sober person, that comment on wet blankets. would be enough to cut contact completely. - Yeah. - Literally. - It is so entirely inappropriate. for so many different reasons. but just plain disrespectful. OP responded, couldn't agree more.

My partner is in recovery. and I asked if we just shouldn't go. on the basis of that offensive comment. but she said she won't let them determine. if she gets to see the shitstorm or not. - Oh, so she wants to do what you're doing. - I'm like, send Bravo, this is good shit. - This is good shit. - [Shane] Yeah, really. - Oh my god. - I sometimes when I see certain reality shows. I'm like these people can't be real. Like "Bridezillas" and stuff like that. - Yeah. - Oh. - But it's like no, this exists. - Is there a picture from the wedding or... - [Shane] There's nothing. - And I feel bad.

- She's got a bunch of friends. that are probably so scared of her. and that are just gonna do this. - They're just saying yes. and those are the ones who are standing by her. - Yes. - I was gonna say, once you get to this point. where you've manipulated and like (beep) everyone around you. nobody's ever gonna level with you. - Yeah. - No ones gonna be honest with this person. - No. - They're just gonna cut contact. She's gonna end up alone. - That's so true. - And where are you getting the Dairy free cake. if you're flying in, you know? And how you gonna get your plant? Who's gonna take all the plants? Are they just gonna die at the venue? Or the church takes them.

- The... - Also, the extreme, all the religiosity. feels like the reason why they're doing. the state lines thing. which is, oh we have to be at this church. because this officiant means a lot to us. so we're doing it here. but then we also want this. and it feels like we need to be super religious. but then also you need to get super (beep) drink with us. - Yeah yeah, you're so right. There's just like two worlds going on. - It's also weird what they have planned. and what they don't. where they're like, we've got these plants. that we have as gifts.

that were gonna give people. We don't have a cake. (everyone laughing). - Yeah. - Don't have that shit figured out. - And are you putting the plants in a bag. 'cause the soil's gonna spill everywhere. - Literally and she's like, please plan accordingly to take your plants home. Help us plan accordingly for the cake. - She also keeps using dialogue. that makes her feel like she's a professional. She's like, please plan accordingly. Like, responsibility, totally okay. Like, it's just like, you are not a professional. - She goes don't worry there will be a translator.

- Yeah. - But I need help getting a cake. - Yeah, the translator... - They don't want the woman. with like the translator microphone. - There's like literally too many things. to think about. - I can't, I'm overwhelmed. - It's like... - I mean Shane just yawned, he's almost asleep. - I'm gonna die. - She's exhausting. This woman's exhausting. - Any... - There's no more, oh update, she's dead. (everyone laughing). - Yeah. - That's it. That's all we got. - Hey girlies, here's our honeymoon fun. Because you mean so much to us.

you should think about giving money. - Yeah, please. - I'm thinking now about, the next very professional email I have to send. - K, thanks. - Like writing it all out. and very professional, very respectful. at the very end I write, K, thanks. - K, thanks. As one word. - Smiley face. - K, thanks. - And now it's time for our final story. This post was on The 10th Dentist. and ended up on Am I The Devil? - Oh. - Oh. - The 10th Dentist is someone who. sincerely or professionally disagrees.

with the broad majority of people. So, it's in reference to, you know how 9 out of 10 dentists recommend. - Oh. - Yeah, oh I get it. - This, who's the 10th dentist? So, this is a Subreddit all for. a kind of unpopular opinions, going against the grain. I need everyone in this room to promise me. that they're not gonna judge me. for what I have to read right now. - I will not make that promise. - I think this job's getting to him. - Just kidding, it's fine. - It's about to. As a straight man, vaginas are badly optimized.

interfaces and I would prefer them. evolutionarily eradicated. Let me read that again. As a straight man, vaginas are badly optimized. interfaces and I would prefer them. evolutionarily eradicated. I'm a straight man. I love women. I'm not closeted, I'm not trolling. I'm just done pretending that vaginas. are these sacred sexy temples. of divine femininity. They're not, they're a mess,

both in design and function. If evolution had any sense of symmetry. women would have ended up with penis's. and the world would be better for it. Aesthetically speaking, vaginas are chaos incarnate. They make hardly any sense. There's no standard layout, no symmetry, no visual logic. Folds on folds, lips of random lengths, hidden bits, and inconsistent shapes. (Angela laughing). - I'm so sorry, can you go back? - Repeat all of that, just... - I almost want you to start over...

- No, no. - I really think you have to go slow. - Yeah. - So, you have to go really slow, Shane. - You have to go really slow. - Because for this to get past. my emotional part of my brain... - Yeah. - To the logical part is gonna take a while. - Yeah. - Sure, sure, sure. Okay, I'll take it back a little bit. - Yeah. For bits. - And this isn't your fault. - Aesthetically speaking, vaginas are chaos incarnate. They make hardly any sense. There's no standard layout, no symmetry, no visual logic, folds on folds, lips of random lengths, hidden bits,

and inconsistent shapes. Compare that to the penis, sleek, functional, symmetrical. Whether flacid or hard, it has a cohesive structure. Vaginas look like they're trying to be secretive. The clitoris is great, so why is it buried? (everyone laughing). - You didn't have to do this. You didn't need to do that. - The main engine of female pleasure. which is the clitoris is basically buried treasure. with map prerequisites and terms/conditions.

wall of text you have to read and agree. You need to spread folds, shift skin, and sometimes ask for directions. If women had small penis's instead, like literally just the (beep) externalized, it'd make so much more sense. Easy to find, easy to stimulate, easy to please. No more pretending like we all. instinctively know the move. Looking at you, Helen. - Who the (beep) is Helen?

Who the (beep) is Helen? - Who is Helen and what happened on the back? It would make mutual... (everyone laughing). - There's poop on my shirt. - You have to keep going. - It would make mutual pleasure. so much more straightforward and honest. - This is so gay. This is the gayest thing I've ever read. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that. but that's, oh keep going.

- If a woman, it would make mutual pleasure. so much more straightforward and honest. If a woman wants sex with me, cool, but I should not be needing a PhD in female anatomy. to deliver whatever she expects me to deliver. Then, speaking of health, vaginas are a high maintenance liability. I don't know why cats keep pretending. like the vagina is low effort. It's an internal organ exposed to the outside world.

Constant discharge, blood once a month, PH balance issues, yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, UTIs from having sex too rough, or wiping the wrong direction. It's like maintaining a biohazard. you can't even fully see. I, I just wash penis with soap. - I like, I'm gonna stand up. - I just wash penis with soap. - [Angela] I'm gonna stand up. - Done. - I'm just gonna be standing up a little bit. and I'm not doing it performatively, I swear to god. - If women had external genitalia like men.

half of the medical aisle would be obsolete. Vaggies are the reason sex is less satisfying. than it should be. As a straight man I want to love vaginal sex. but it's unpredictable. Sometimes it's too tight, sometimes there's no sensation, sometimes the angle is wrong and it just hurts her. Meanwhile, if both partners had penis's. you'd get clear stimulation. Shared mechanics and direct communication. Sex would be more mutual. instead of this asymmetrical guessing game.

where one person is always hoping they did enough. Society would function differently. and better at that because. a lot of toxic gender dynamics come from the invisibility. of female desire. If women had visible arousal. like a literal bulge when turned on. people might actually take their sexuality seriously. No more, she's playing hard to get games. No more stigma around women initiating. If she's hard, she's horny. Simple, equal, transparent.

That alone could kill half of patriarchy's. sexual double standards. Why shame? Women's clothes are designed around hiding a secret. (director laughing). Pads, tampons, party liners. Pads... - Fiesta liners. - Fiesta liners. (everyone laughing). Pads, tampons, panty liners or what it's called, they are all shame silence. I just... - Oh, my god. - I just walk without having to pretend.

I'm shy of my anatomy. Imagine if women had external genitalia. Then there'd be no cultural obsession. with tightness or virginity. No more locker room myths. Just genital equality, out in the open. No more euphemisms, no more taboo, just body parts. In fact, even porn would benefit. You ever notice how weird vaginas look in porn. unless the angle is just right? It's often just some weird fleshy portal. and the camera's trying to find a way. to make it look like anything other than what it is,

so small, feminine phallus would solve that. My final thought is, I am not saying we scrap vaginas tomorrow... - Oh, good. - Just like next month. - Yeah. - I'm saying, if you remove emotions, social programming, and 200,000 years of conditioning, the vagina is a badly optimized interface. High maintenance, hard to navigate, and visually chaotic. The penis despite it's own disadvantages. is a superior design and if women had it streamlined,

sensitive and functional the world would be simpler. Sex would be clearer and culture would be more honest. This... - Culture would be more honest. - More honest. - This isn't about being gay, insecure, or onto some shit... - [Amanda] Right. - It's about seeing past the worship. and calling out a flawed design when I see one. The top comment says, what? (everyone laughing).

- Yes. Yes. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. - To be clear, to be clear, posting on Reddit, fully optional. You don't have to do it. - You do not. - You don't have to post on it. This guy wrote all of this. - [Angela] Thank god. - By choice. - So, I just need a big (beep). - You need a big... - That's it? And my interface... - You need a big (beep) and culture will be more honest.

- A penis, he's saying you need a penis. - So, I just need a penis? - He's saying everyone who has a vagina. needs a penis instead. - So my interface will be more... - [Shane] Honest. - Honest. - Symmetrical and streamlined and clear. - And we don't, I don't wanna hold a secret anymore. - You're full of shame and secrets. and we're not being honest is culture. - You're full of shame and secrets, you need something that's, yeah. - Hey. - I'm. - Hey. - I'm like. - Hey, that blanket has been a lot of places.

- I don't... - Listen, I like how this guy's talking about. male genitalia as symmetrical. As if a ball sack is a perfect sphere. I'm laughing at that concept. - And hello. We've all seen this. Are you (beep) out of your mind? Bitch. - There she goes. - Please, balls are like (beep) scrunchy. and old looking and a (beep) looks like this sometimes. Or this, or this. - I actually, like I don't even know where to begin. We almost have to go bit by bit... - Bits by bits.

- Like, there's too much, like I literally don't even know where to start. - Yeah, there's too much. Let's go bits by bits. What's your favorite part of this? (everyone laughing). - Hey buddy, what do you think? - Hey, tell me what you think. - What do you think, man? - Step up, step up. - Where's your secret? - Step up, step up, you know what, as a man it's time for me to step up. - Yeah. - This is the craziest shit I've ever heard. - This is, I'm actually, this, I'm having fun. - Oh. - No, I mean, they got, if Courtney was here, remember last time when I put my... - There'd be Looney Tunes style like, silhouette. of her on the wall. - The last time I put this on my head to hide.

Courtney was literally just hitting the wall. We would have, this is... - Should I break the wall? - You can. - With my big penis? - With your big penis. - Big penis first? - I wish you could break the wall. but you're not productive 'cause you have a vagina. - No, I know, I didn't just have a son. and then feed him. - Literally, thank you. So, what should we talk about first? The fact that he thinks vaginas. are really hard to capture in porn? - Yeah. - Like balls aren't. - That one really got me. 'cause I started being like, huh,

are they hard to capture? - Can we go back to no more pretending. like we all instinctively know the move. Looking at you, Helen. - Yes, yes. Please, I'd love to know who Helen is. - I think Helen might be at the heart. of this whole post. - I think Helen did a real big booboo with him. - Did a number on him, yeah. - Because he must be so disheartened. by the mystery of trying to make Helen (beep). - He probably never found her hidden secret.

- And she probably gave him shit for it. - I think he's really, he's clearly not doing so well. - No. - And he's blaming the interface. - Yeah, he searched through all the folds. and the lips and... - Yeah. - And the bits and couldn't find it. - I just love when men like this. can think about everything being wrong except them. - [Shane] Yeah. - Like, he has to attack... - Yes. - Every single part of the anatomy. of this whole part of a woman. - Yep. - And not just take up,

just be like, maybe I don't like this. - Yep. - It's not me, it has to be them. - Yep. - All of them. Every single person with a vagina, they have to be the problem. - Yep. And I, I, I can't help but just giggle at this. 'cause it's so... - It's. - I'm just, I'm laughing at this person and I'm just like, oh buddy. - [Shane] Yeah. - Especially... - Oh, buddy. - Especially like you talking about having a child. Like, I'm thinking like, this guy doesn't even understand... - Yeah, she has no idea what our anatomy is about.

What it does. What any of the function is. That's why he's so upset. 'cause he doesn't understand it. and he's probably never even made someone happy. - Or he's never really imagined. like how, gender aside, how magical the human body is. - Yes. - Right? Like the fact that like we can cut, we can have a cut and it naturally heals itself. There's so many parts of us. that are just like magical. - Yeah. - And he goes, but there's one that I think. should be fixed. - Yeah. And in porn it doesn't look good. so let's get rid of it. - [Shane] Yeah. - I don't think it's the vagina.

that doesn't look good. I don't think you like it, bud. - Yes. - I don't think it's the end of the world. if this person admits you don't like vagina. Stop attacking an entire gender's anatomy. It's already hard enough to deal with. For him to attack tampons and cramps. and all those things... - And party liners. - And party liners, fiesta liners, and be like, oh, these are proof that they're bad. No, these are uphill battles. that you don't have to face. - Yes. - And you are gonna stand there and be like, you're the problem? That's (beep) crazy.

- Yeah, so stand up. Stand up. - You're gonna look at me and be like, isn't it, don't you hate that you have all these problems? - And it's like, I am working. with what I've got, bro. - I'm like, rich coming from you. (Amanda laughing). Oh, my god. Wow, wow. - I can't help but laugh. 'cause like, I wanna be mad. but my brain is broken. - Me too. I'm worried I'm overreacting, but then I have... - You're not overreacting at all. - The blanket is doing it's own thing though.

- Yeah, no the Reddit, Reddit was like. no you're the worst person ever. - I know, but I feel like I'm already being performative. about this and screaming but I'm like... - You're actually that mad. - No, no, this is... - And you're not even pointing out. that he blames most of the toxic gender dynamics. in culture writ large are due to the. invisibility of female desire. So, that's what's actually wrong with everything. - Oh, so he's been told no. - So because the (beep) is up there? - He's been told no so many times. he literally can't find our little secret. - Because this guy won't just (beep) google, how to finger?

He's gonna blame it on the vagina? (beep). I love him listing the issues women have. Like he (beep) knows. Like he talks to a woman. - Yeah. - Like he didn't just Google, things that can go wrong with a vagina. - Tampon, yeah, also all these things like yeast infec, all that stuff, that's like, yeah man, guess who's dealing with all of that. Us. Like, what are you, an interface? - But also, maybe those things, I don't know, maybe it's a little bit. of a complicated anatomy because it can create children? - Yeah. - And then it can go right back in.

- Yeah, you know what's cool. is that we have something that's so magical. that you might not (beep) understand it. - I'm sorry if it's a little bit. of a complicated machine for you. It just kind of gives life to the earth. - [Amanda] Yeah. - I'm so sorry if maybe it bleeds once a month... - Yeah. - You (beep) dick. - It's called magic. There's no (beep) instructions for it. - Show me the magic balls make, Shane. - Yeah, Shane. - I will not. - [Angela] What? - God. - Just because balls don't need a napkin once a month.

doesn't mean they're this (beep). superior (beep) piece of you, just because we don't have to go digging. to make the (beep) feel good, it's just there, makes it easier? Oh, so easy is better. That's what's this work meant. - That's, no this guy literally, hey listen, K, vaginas are a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful thing. If you've got a problem with it, leave. - You know what would I feel like? This is what I feel like with... - You're out of the wedding.

- Get out of the wedding. But make sure you pay. - You are not Catholic, go. - 650 bucks, then get the (beep) out of here. - Pay before you leave. My, this is kind of reminding me, like, you know when you have a cousin. that (beep) annoys the shit out of you? - Yes. - And you and your cousins can talk shit about him. but then like a, like somebody else not in your family. comes and talks shit about your cousin. - Yeah. - You're like, get the (beep) out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Where I'm like, I can talk, with people who have vaginas. I can go to the ends of the earth and be like, my god, my body wants me dead. - Yeah, exactly. - But then, this (beep) little piece of poop on a shirt...

- Yes. - With people 69ing on the shirt. - High sex drive, yes. - Yes, this high sex drive golfer. is gonna come in here and talk shit about my vagina? - And I'm like, it is the most gorgeous thing. I've ever seen and I've never had an issue with it. Idiot. Do you have anything? - No, I think you guys summed up all my thoughts. pretty well. - I'm sorry you had to read that. - No, it's okay. It's, that's, hey that's a real guy. - I just like wanna blow off steam a little bit. - I would love to read one more comment.

- Oh, let's read some more... - 'Cause the only comment we read was, what? - Um, someone else commented, I have never encountered a sleek penis. 3,000 up votes. - Yes. - He had a lot of descriptors for penis's as well. - Yes, he did. He loves... - Really, he really thought they were... - Describing... - Really awesome. - Penis's. - There's no mystery, it's just there. You don't have to go looking for it. You (beep) idiot, piece of poop. - That's a new voice and I love that. - It's just me. I don't know how to find the (beep), it's a treasure. He keeps calling it a hidden treasure.

- [Shane] Yeah. - And I'm like, it is. - I don't like any of his descriptors. He speaks like a super villain. Oh, his account's been banned so he said something, maybe it was banned by this. or probably something worse. - Something worse. - He does speak like a villain, you're so right. - [Shane] He speaks like a super villain. - Like, well that's why I've been doing it. The interface is wrong. - I hate when people speak in a. like intellectually condescending way. and then they're not, but what they're saying is really, really stupid. and not thought through. 'Cause he's saying, oh it would be better. if they had a penis. I'm like, but you're saying they should. have a penis that can burr the baby.

So, it doesn't work. - Yeah, how would that... - I mean, he doesn't even get as far... - What are you talking about? You're not like backing up what you're saying. - He's not even getting as far as like family planning. He's only talking about sex. - Sex. - And he's only talking about the struggles. he's having making a woman happy. - Helen. - [Shane] Helen. - And maybe Helen, or maybe somebody. just needs to know like sometimes. you don't have to do it all. - And Helen, I'm so glad that you got away. I think. - Yeah. - Looking at you, Helen. - Looking at you, Helen.

Okay. - I'm sorry I yelled. - No, no, valid. - Do not apologize for anything. Ever again. - That was like, I don't think we should clip that at all. - Oh, I would love to clip. me thinking I could go through the wall. with a big penis. I actually would. - That would be really funny though. - You should clip that. - I just don't want you reading that on the internet. I'm just protective of you. That was just the worst thing I've ever heard. - I know, well he did read it on the internet. - We should remove that.

I unfortunately did read that. We did have another story but that one, that guy just went on too long. So, we'll save our last story. for a different time. - Or we went on too long about the tap dancing orphans. - Oh no, worthwhile. - Oh no, no, that was good. - Worthwhile. - That was, that was good stuff. - Um, thank you both for this whole episode. Thank you for... - Good to be back. - Trucking through that, man... - Glad to have you back. - What a journey and thank you for watching. 2025 has been such an incredible year.

I know we say it every year. but really this has been like a huge year. for this show in particular. - Woo. - Reddit Stories won a Signal Award. It was very cool. Won two Signal Awards. It was Apples Monthly Comedy Podcast for November. and we took it on the road. We went to Canada. We went to Chicago. We did many live shows. It's been such a great time. I mean truly a shout out to Emily and Bailey...

- Yay. - For sourcing all of these stories, it's truly wild. Thank you to you guys. and to this entire cast. I mean... - And to you, Shane. - And to you, Shane for reading all the stories. You're killing it. - But also, you have good takes. You have good hot takes. - I think I mostly just read. and I just kinda... - No. - No, you are perfect. - I am perfect and everything I say is perfect. - You have a sleek way of delivering. - You're perfect. - But, this is truly such a,

such a blast. What a fun show we get to do. and we'll keep on doing it in 2026. So, we'll see you then. Bye. (horns blowing). But the cake needs to be dairy free. - And the (beep) needs to be hidden. (everyone laughing). - Sowwy.