What Led Victor Marx to Become the World's Fastest Gun Disarmer? | SRS #83

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to. the Shawn Ryan Show. The next episode. My next guest has the most traumatic. childhood story. that I've ever heard. Not just on the. show, out of anyone I have ever spoken with. And the miracle behind this story is. that he was able to pull himself out of. that trauma. He found the strength to do that, and. now he is saving kids all over the.

world. Saving kids. from ISIS, saving kids from being. trafficked. It's amazing. It is a story. that brings a lot of hope and proves. that no matter how much trauma you. endure, you can pull yourself out of it. Ladies and gentlemen, if you get. anything out of these shows, please head. over to Apple Podcast and Spotify, leave. us a review, tell us how we're doing, like, comment, and subscribe to the.

channel, and. that's right. They're back. So, limited releases. If you don't get them. today, there'll be more tomorrow. If you. don't get them tomorrow, there'll be. more the next day. We're trying to get. everybody a chance. to get a piece of the action. So, bear with us. These things are a hot commodity, and I. just want to say thank you in advance, especially to you patrons on our. Patreon. It's because of you this show. goes around and is even apart. Ladies.

and gentlemen, without further ado, please welcome. Victor Marx. to the Shawn Ryan Show. Love you all. Cheers, and God bless. Victor Marx, welcome to the show, man. It's great to be here. It's good to have. you here. It's been a long time coming, you know. Sitting at breakfast with you. this morning, I had no idea that we had.

that many mutual friends and. acquaintances in common. Right? That's a. It's a lot of people, man. And there's more. Yeah, I know there's. got to be. I mean, if you know. if you know these guys that I know, there's there's. the possibilities are endless. But, um. fascinating conversation at breakfast, but let me give you quick intro here. So, Victor Marx, you're a Christian husband, father, grandpa, author, founder of All. Things Possible Ministries, a.

seventh-degree black belt. You have the. world's fastest gun disarm, which I'm. not going to [ __ ] you. I was. skeptical. Yeah, of course. And, uh, till about 5 minutes ago when. we went downstairs. So, um. but, um. we've got a lot of stuff to talk about. I know. from what I've gathered, you. probably have the most traumatic. childhood that I've ever heard of. Mhm. And, um, you know, so what I would like.

to do is really dive into your. childhood, talk about how you overcame all that. trauma, how you kind of found faith, and. and then what you're doing now with the. with your, um. All Things Possible Ministries. Foundation. Yeah. And if there's time at. the end, I would love to dive into some. spiritual warfare stuff because I'm. I'm new at that. I'm new at the whole. genre, and, uh. it's like drinking from a fire hose. I.

know you have a lot of knowledge when it. comes to that. So. Well. So, yeah. But, uh, I got a question for. you. Personal question. Yeah, go. You're a grandpa. Yes, I am. And you're obviously a father if you're. a grandpa. So, what. what's more fulfilling to you? Seeing. your offspring bring new lives into the. world, or or it being a grandpa, or. being a dad? Or is it even. you can't even compare the. You know, I used to ask that question to.

my friends who were older. I would say, "I need I need to know. What's the. difference?". And no matter what anybody said, I. couldn't You can't wrap your mind around. it. So, this is what I can say. Um. you know, when you're a dad, you instantly have that provider, protector, um. role. I mean, it kicks into the highest. degree. You just go, "Ah.". And then, when you're holding a your first grand.

baby, the thought Here's what I felt. I'm looking at this granddaughter. We have five of them now. All grand. does. And I looked at her and and I. and I just thought, "She's not my child. There's not that connection. as a child.". And yet, I'd die for her. as much as I would my my own little. children.

And that was the connection that I. thought, "It's just as strong, but it's an absolute different feel. This is my daughter's baby and her. husband. But, I'll die for this I'll die for this. kid. I'd do anything for this kid. So, that's how it's been for all five. And, uh, it's it's beautiful. to, uh, my wife and I, we've always.

tried to stay fit, fitness ready, you. know, mission ready, we call it. Now, we're like, uh, well, we got to stay grandparent. ready. Holding these babies and running with. them, that's a whole different skill. set, man. You. It's like CrossFit. What is it like. You know, another thing that I want to. dive into about, and we'll get more. in-depth as the interview develops, but. generational trauma. Oh, yeah. A lot of.

people talk about generational trauma. It's It's It's. it's really starting to get out there. You know, a lot of people are talking. about this. And. from what I understand, you come from a long line of. generational trauma between your. grandpa, your father, your stepfather, Yeah. you've experienced it. It sounds like. that stopped. when you had kids. What What's it like.

seeing. What is it like to. be the generation. that changes the course of your. bloodline? Well, what what What great insight, Shawn. And. I'll tell you, it feels like one of the greatest things. you can do. Truly one of the greatest things you can. do. And it's not easy. But, if a person's determined.

to say, "It stops with me.". Um. uh, it will. And the only way the best way I know I. can tell people is through God's power. Because many people are fighting this, but they don't understand there's a real. enemy. And you can't see him. And it's evil. And that's what often times pushes and. propels generational.

all generational curses and trauma. And until that is addressed, people will. really struggle. Yeah. Um So, we we. definitely have figured out how to make. it stop. I can't wait to dive into that. You. know, I got a. guy on my team who you just met. Yeah. And, um. he has experienced a lot of. generational. trauma. Yep. And, um. and he's always He's always working on.

self-improvement and. and, uh, we talk a lot about these kind. of things, and. you know, he. he never feels like he's doing enough. And And. for his son and his family, and and. and I'm like, "Look, man, you got to. look at where you came from and where. you're at today.". And I was like, "You're the You are the. generation that's going to change the. trajectory of your entire bloodline.". And.

I told him, I said, "What. What could possibly. be more important Yeah. than changing. the. Your trajectory is completely changed. now in your bloodline because of what. you've done." Yeah. And, uh. I know that really set in, but I I. I want The reason The only reason I'm. bringing that up is because I want. people to understand like. that's the biggest impact you could. have. Truly. Is just changing the. trajectory of your own bloodline. And.

while you were in the other room, me and. him had our conversation. And I just said, "Hey, what's the hardest thing you struggle. with in your life?". Cuz those are meaningful questions. Mhm. Let's just get right down to it. He. said, "Anger.". Kind of wrath. And. you know, for him, and it makes sense to me, he's broken this. And he's. be a great dad, good husband.

But, then what do you deal How do you. deal with and process the injustices of. your past? Cuz anger's a secondary. emotion, right? But, it's it's a. reasonable response What do you mean. it's a secondary emotion? Often times, anger is it's You're angry. because of something. So, the emotion. is uh. uh. and like I used to tell young men in. prisons, teenagers, kids who locked up,

they all have anger issues. I'm like, you should. And I go, what? I go, yeah, your dad left you. You were abused as a kid by your. mother's boyfriends, you know, this, this. I said, what other emotion is appropriate? You. become psychotic if you're not feeling. anger to the injustices, but then, what we have to do, what do you do with. that anger? It doesn't go away. You'll.

either pull the grenade and swallow it, or you pull it and throw it on people. There's no. There's no other. means for processing anger. like that. And. when I say secondary, often time it's rejection. Rejection's the mother load of I think. heartache and pain, which causes anger. Great example is kids who adopted. I. just spent some time with a brilliant.

attorney. IQ is 172. He's high on the spectrum. I'm like, and. you know, we're talking and he's some. some struggles and he was adopted by a. great family. And he is now I love you know, there's. some I said, you know, the most profound. thing I ever heard from a kid who was. actually locked up. Who I'm trying to help, but he just. put this insight. He goes, Mr. Marks,

adoption is the only trauma a kid's. supposed to be happy and thankful for. Wow. That's deep. Deep. And that's one of those deep truths. learned from pain. So, you know, what what I think can happen. is. when a person can't shake anger, wrath, bitterness, it's And this is what.

I told your colleague. I said, young man, if you don't take care of that and get. that dealt with, it will make your heart. hard. And then you will not be able to give. love. to those who need it closest to you. And then you won't be able to receive. the love. that they want to give you because your. heart can only take so much. And if part. of it starts getting hard and bitter, and and I've lived that. I've I I.

remember feeling, why can't I love my. wife, you know, the way she needs to be loved. And and cuz I had a limit. Part of my. heart was just hardened from my past. Whether it was anger or trust issues or. lies that I believed. And when you believe lies long enough, it becomes a truth. And then that's when you get stuck. Can you bring that up again later in the. interview cuz I want to ask you how you.

unlock that? So, Yeah. Yeah. Um cuz I have personal. interest in that as well. But before we. get too heavy, Yeah. I'm going to lighten it up. Everybody always gets a gift on the. show. What we got? What we got? Gummy bears? We switched it up, so I'm huge on brain. health. Oh, yeah. So, I partnered with Laird Superfood and. they have these.

They have a whole line of supplements, but there's coffee and there there's. coffee, there's a performance mushroom. blend and there's a performance mushroom. creamer that goes with the functional. mushroom coffee. And you know, I'm huge. on mental health. Yeah. Nootropics like. a part of mental health is. fueling your brain the right way and. this stuff will help you get there. Thank you. My my my bride has actually. she she drinks the mushroom Oh, no.

kidding? Yeah. And and she's literally. she's given it to me a few times. Hey, come on over here. And I'm like, all. right, interesting. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. I'm I'm I'm looking forward to this. It's the It's the. You can't just throw that on the floor. But yeah, it's most of the ingredients. are from the US. Nice. that they look for other ingredients is. if there's something that's a higher. quality that's from another country. And.

so it's the cleanest of ingredients and. Really cool. Yeah. Good stuff. But enough about that. Enough about presents. Let's. So, I want your life story, Victor. I. want to start with childhood. Like I. said, I think that I think that. Right now, I think that the most. important part of this interview is. going to be your childhood and how you. overcame that trauma. Could be totally. off here. cuz I know there's going to be a lot of. surprises, but let's start there. Let's.

just start Where'd you grow up? Well, and and I'll say this for those. watching. I will say and share some. things. probably that I never have. And we've thought this through. because there's a. There's a documentary on my life story, there's a book. I've shared some things, but in the. film, the psychologist who I worked. with, which was 123 visits over nine.

123 visits. Yeah, over nine months. That's what you call intensives. Yeah. I've been on Depakote, Depakine, Prozac, Zoloft, lithium, Buspar. I would go to the VA weekly. Blood checks and. you know, psych stuff. Um. What are you on now? Anything? Nothing. Amazing. Yeah. And I never down people for being.

on meds. I just say it's got to be. short-term. So, I'm on nothing for mental health, which. it's a miracle. I mean, I've got all the. records. They had me as a ultra. a bipolar two. ultra rapid cycler, so twice a day. And I was a highest risk for suicide. And I have. I mean, I've. you know, put a pistol in my mouth, ended up in the hospital.

But what I want to say is. the psychologist said in the film who. worked with me, Victor only shares about. 10% in this film. Um. and I again thinking through this and. praying, um you know, and until there's finally a movie done, which we've had a bunch of different. offers for that. I'm going to share some things today and. I um.

cuz. one, I think you're a great. steward of people's lives and stories. And you reach so many people. It's it's. and I I see God's hand on you, Sean. I. mean, I really do. But in saying that, I will tell your. listeners and whatnot. I will say things that will probably. trigger someone. um. that you don't want to remember things. from your past or you get bothered and.

there's a trigger that it that. emotionally hits you. It's like a red. light on your dash of your vehicle. It's just telling you you need to have. something checked out. I don't talk much about money or the. economy. Let's face it, ignoring it. doesn't help either. Because I believe. the government screws up all the time. I. think they let down veterans, ship jobs. overseas, they help their rich friends. make even more money. It is insane. Do.

you really think they care about helping. us out with our money? I don't think so. That's one of the reasons why a lot of. folks are stepping away from the. government-run systems and starting to. diversify their money into real assets. like gold and silver. If you're. concerned about your finances and the. future of your finances like I am, there's a damn good play you can make. Check out Goldco. Goldco will hook you. up with a free 2023 gold IRA kit. This. kit will teach you how to help safeguard. your savings with real gold and silver.

At the very least, it makes sense to get. educated about your options. So, get. your free kit at goldco.com/ryan. or call 855-936-GOLD. Plus, for qualified orders, they'll send. you up to $10,000 in free silver as a. bonus while supplies last. Quit waiting. around for politicians to rescue your. finances. Help take control and handle. your business yourself. So, go ahead and. check out goldco.com/ryan. or call 855-936-GOLD.

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So, don't look at it as the worst. possible thing. Look at as an indicator. Maybe some things you have to visit, sit. down with someone, and do the hard work. of working through past issues. Um but with that said, um I never. thought I had a story.

even when I first started telling it. many years ago. because when you're raised in. dysfunction. it is the norm to you. Yeah. And um I've never felt sorry for. myself. I've never felt like I was a like a. victim. Um. I had to actually learn those things. in order to get like real healing. And when I started counseling the first. counselor. um and it was in a it was you know,

adulthood. Um. you know, I I started really having. troubles and breaks with reality and. flashbacks in the middle of the day and. anxiety and panic attacks and. I mean, I I I was starting to unravel. There was there was no doubt. Uh but my. wife sent me to a counselor. And. you know, my coping mechanisms were. compartmentalization. And you just never touched it.

And you always pressed pressed pressed. You never stopped. You never looked. back. Um. you push till you get through it. And but things started happening in my. life where I couldn't spin the plates. anymore. And the vault. the vault got cracked almost like an. earthquake and all of a sudden that. happened in my life where ooze started. coming out. And I mentally I remember. trying to shove it back in. Or it's like a beach ball.

You're on the beach. You're trying to. keep it submerged and you can only do it. for so long. Um but our behavior tells on us. Yeah. You know, you brought up a. interesting concept that uh you know, you grew up in that and you thought that. was normal. Yeah. And you know, personally I've come to the conclusion. there is no normal. There's only your. perception of what normal is and your. perception of what normal is is what's. going on around you. Totally agree. And.

everything in this country and most of. the world is compartmentalized. So, if. you took a. white-collar family who thinks that. the way you grew up is completely. abnormal. If they've removed themselves from their. bubble and put themselves into. I'll just call it poverty. Right. Right? If they put themselves in poverty. everybody in that new bubble thinks that. they are completely abnormal. Yes. And.

so it's only your perception of what's. going on around you Yeah. you deem to be. normal. I agree. You know, and um. therefore there is no such thing as. normal. I think normal's a setting on a. drawer. Yeah. You know, and that's about. it. Well, it's um. So, the first psychologist I went to. someone to help me with I remember her. saying, "This is a safe place. You can share. Tell me a little bit.

about your childhood." And I was. completely pissed at my wife made me go. It was almost begrudging things. So, I. like, "What do you What do you want to. hear?". Right, you know, and I started saying. stuff like uh. "Yeah, you want to hear I was tortured? I was. tied down. um electrocuted dunked in a tub till I. passed out.". Yeah, you know, and I just started. laying and I guess I got graphic. Within. 10 minutes she's weeping.

She's like sobbing and I'm. and I stopped and I'm like, "Hey, are. are you okay?" I'll never forget I. grabbed a tissue box and handed it to. her and I'm like, "I I. I think we ought to be done at this. point. I'm not sure you're really. equipped to. And she literally couldn't. get it together. Yeah. And I left and I. remember telling my wife I'll never. go to another. counselor again. You know how.

And it was actually many years later. before. uh my wife lovingly said, "Babe, you you're starting to become low. functioning. And it's got nothing to do with your IQ. or your intelligence. Um my biological dad had an IQ of 185. And she's like, um. "You're flashbacking. You're. things unraveling. You you know, uh when you chase a guy down. through three cities because he almost.

hit us. He was in an 18-wheeler. He. almost hit me and my family on a Sunday. Uh he blew through a red light and had. to stop and then he flipped me off and. so I I chased him for three in three. different cities going on the highway. Called I think four different law. enforcement agencies till we finally. pulled him over. And uh you know, I remember driving by. him slow. They're pulling him out. I'm. like, "Hey, remember me?". "I got you.". And then we're driving home and.

my wife she just puts her hand on my arm. and goes, "Honey, you you know that's not normal, right?" And I'm like, "What? He He almost killed us.". And the kids are back there reading. So, it was those things where my wife. said, "You got to get help.". And then I found the right this is what. I call a soul surgeon. Cuz not everybody who's in counseling or. has a doctor or. post hole digger on their name is gifted.

to work with people. It may be a. profession for them. Mhm. But we better. be very careful when we let somebody. start getting into our soul. Yeah. And I. found an amazing. my wife found an amazing gal and. and that was the beginning of 123 visits. like I said. Good for you, man. Well, let's backtrack. Yep. Let's start. at the beginning. You ready to do this? Uh yeah. All right. Where'd you grow up? Louisiana. That's.

where I was born. Lafayette, Louisiana. Where is that? Um. It's It's definitely in Cajun land. Cajunville. Uh Southern Louisiana. Uh kind of swamp country. Bayous. And um my mother. um. uh she. uh. she married uh a man who. you know, had lived in a boys' home.

uh for a while. He was an only child. And she had four kids with him. He was a. um. and. he'd done time in the Navy. He and he was a. a boxer. He He had these pugilistic skills and. then studied judo and jujitsu. He earned his. black belt in judo and jujitsu in the. '50s. Um became a bouncer for 27 years.

And um. he was a drug dealer and a pimp at one. point in his life. Uh so, they didn't make it in marriage. and were actually divorced. Uh and then. they connected. one night. And. if there was a. if there was a window in her womb the. night he got her pregnant uh for me uh. he ended up shoving rosary beads down. her throat and put a pistol to her head.

And um. that was it. So, I was a leftover. Um and. because of that my mother had a hard. time attaching to me. um. because I represented him as a leftover. So, there were times I'd be crying she said. and she just couldn't pick me up. She. just um. it was. uh. some type of repulsion.

And I get it, you know, I don't hold. that against her. But guess what? That. That messes with a kid's developmental. Mhm. process. Um attachment. uh issues. And. she ended up marrying I think six times. Six times? Yeah. Legally six times. Wow. And I went. to 14 different schools, 17 different. houses. But the. the next guy she married was a was a. known pedophile.

And and. you know, the sad part is broken women, broken girls. uh perverts, predators they know. And that's who they go after. And my mother had been abused uh. incestuously by family member when she. was a child. And it broke her. So, her. thinking was never correct. Her. processes didn't work. And her value for herself.

was this was the best she deserved. And unfortunately the abuse with her. didn't stop, but it was transferred to. her kids, too. So, this man. was uh and again, I've never I've never. said this before like ever. But I'm just going to say it. Um. there was a. there was a government-funded operation. called Project Bluebird. It was a different name for.

the name changed and it was. uh approaches to help change people's. minds. uh controlling the Manchurian. Candidate was kind of out of that type. of. And my stepfather was in. counterintelligence in the army. And. we know he was trained in that. I would never say that I was a subject. of it by. you know, government funding.

But what we do know is what he did to me. was textbook of what they would do to. people. And. Do you want to. expound on what Project Bluebird was a. little bit? Yeah, it was it was a government-funded. project to. change the behaviors, thought processes, ultimately to be able to control a. person. through programming.

And um. it required a handler. Um. and it ultimately, it was to break a. person's mind to create splits, multiple. personalities that could be controlled. So, [ __ ]. I can't believe I'm talking about this. So, yeah, in order leave it. in order to.

uh. the the first memory I have was being. tied to a bed. I was about 3 and 1/2. And uh by one arm to a bedpost. It was. in an apartment. And he came in and he had a dead cat. And he walked up to me and he said, "I. want you to cut the head off this cat.". And. I'd been tied to the bed all day. On the bed, off the bed, it was one arm. And I'm just like.

So, he comes in, then you know, uh fear. turns into terror. And he says, "If you. don't cut the head off this cat." It was. dead, but he goes, "I'll cut your head. off.". So, I I grabbed the knife and I remember. being terrified. And I think that's the first time my. brain split. Where it literally. the the pressure and the fear of the. trauma, you you. you just your brain splits in order to.

to still function. And me as a child went away and then I. developed this personality. that said, "Yeah, I'll do it. I don't care.". And then I cut the cat's head off. And then he placed the carcass of the. cat's body, the guts were out. But he placed it on I remember blood. dripping down. There was some type of. ritual that he was doing. I mean, it I didn't he wasn't it it was.

just the act of it. And there was one. other person that came in. Um. And then I I just remember him cutting. me loose, put me in the shower to to. rinse off. Um we later. talked to a head voodoo. person out of New Orleans. And they they explained that in the dark. aspect of voodoo, a young virgin boy is the greatest deal. to gain power.

That's the closest thing I could think. of to it, but. uh. and then he he did a process over. I was abused by him. for about 4 years, from 3 and 1/2 to 7. With some of the things he did, I've never talked about it cuz I didn't. you know, I never wanted anybody to ever. do things to another kid. Um but I've been in this space now, you. know, helping kids.

And. there's there's just no secrets anymore. It's. just bad people do bad things to kids. all the time. So, yeah. I've been electrocuted and yeah. What. was uh. How many brothers and sisters did you. grow up with? There was six of us in our house. So, four by one dad, two by another dad. So, they were half-sisters. And it was their.

dad that, you know, our stepfather that. did the abuse. Did he. perform the abuse on. everyone? Um. we know he raped. my older sister. I had. uh. I think she was 11, 12 years old. And um. because she later spoke of it.

Um. one of my brothers, you know, through all of this, he called me one. time. And he he's passed away since, but he. goes, "Victor, I suffered bad things, too.". And then he hung up. And he he he wasn't willing to revisit. it. So, there was abuse. I've never.

you know, nobody likes to talk about it. to this day. Uh my sister, the one that was raped by. him, is the only one that actually came on. film. to share. And it took a lot of courage for her to. do that. Um. So, yeah, it was very systematic, very. systematic, where. um. I I remember being um.

he would either use Velcro or Saran Wrap. to hold you in a chair. And he put two wires underneath my legs. that were connected to a battery. And. then it was back when. all they had was the film. they would run through a little. projector. And um. and um he wanted me to watch. uh. a film of a young boy being raped. uh in a jungle. Um and and I'm seeing the images and I.

would shut my eyes. Shut my eyes and just. and then he would touch the battery. And it would shock me, which would open. my eyes. And I'd see an image and shut it and. then he'd do it again. And he did that long enough to where you. give up your will. And that's the. ultimate. You just give up your will and. you either split and then I, you know, after they.

whoever they were, it wasn't him, raped. this kid, they they cut him up with a. machete. And. my stepfather just said, "If you ever. tell anybody. what I've done to you, we'll do that to you.". Um. brought me to a morgue one time. And this is where pedophilia. there there are networks. It's. it's the one club. that nobody tells on anybody. And that's why the Epstein's list ain't.

out. Um. cuz people don't want that that they. keep things close. I remember being at a morgue again, wrapped to a chair, and watching them. dismember. a corpse. And um then watching them burn it and. he's like, "If you ever tell anybody, it's reinforcing of fear. to keep you quiet." And uh and it works.

Because those are what I call, you know, lies facing reality. And those are the. hardest ones to ever get over. Um. you know, when he. he dunked me in a tub till I. passed out. And they would do it. multiple times, but I remember passing. out, waking up on the bathroom floor to. him resuscitating me. And he says, "Boy, don't ever forget I'm. the one that gives you life.". And he did. He.

he resuscitated me or probably would. have died. So, as a kid, you can't. process that outside of I'm bad, he's. good. And it it gets all convoluted, but. that's the hardest thing for people. to work through or when nobody else. knows. So, you live in you live in. silence, you live in fear. And you still suppress all of that. stuff, you compartmentalize it. But um it never goes away until it's.

dealt with. Where was your mom during all this? Was she aware that this was happening? So, because of my mother's abuse, um. and my mother's still alive. And and I always want to show her honor. Um I would say that. um. that. I I can't hold her accountable.

for what she did or didn't know. And um. you know, it's it's affected all of us. And I just visited with her the other. day and. and she she still laments. She says, "You know, I wish I'd have known.". And um but at one point she did know. And. some bad things that were happening.

And she told me, literally like 2 days. ago, she said, "You know, I couldn't leave because he threatened. to keep the our the youngest kids, his daughters. And he said, "If. if. she said if if I was going to leave. take your kids but mine stay here and he. said he would he would abuse them. There's no way she could protect them. So in her flawed thinking and this was. before child protective services, this.

was. you know, um. so. again. um. I think she would do it different. because we all suffered. Um and. you know, the the hardest part I. remember is. is when my psychologist asked me. when did it stop? And I remember I just. freaked out.

in that session cuz I thought we were. done, you know, I was doing so much. better. And she just goes, "Victor, when did it. stop?" And it was um. it was after he put me in a vehicle. made me lay in the the floorboard. and drove me to an abandoned house. Um. There was electricity to it cuz there. was a light hanging down. And when we walked in there was another. fella.

in this little wooden house. on the country. And it was actually in Mississippi and. um. there was a hole. cut through the wood floor. and then a dirt hole. Uh. It was decently deep. And I hear him talking. You got I was 7. years old. You got to remember I got a.

few years of horrible abuse. And people who don't understand it, you. don't run. You don't tell cuz there's no way out. There's you don't have any control of. your life. So you just do. And I hear them discussing and this guy. says, "I don't want to do this anymore.". And I'm looking at the hole and trust me. enough stuff had happened where I. thought this is the day he's just going. to kill me. and bury me. And.

I heard and I heard my stepfather tell. him, "Oh, it's okay. No, it's okay. You don't have to do. anything." He had a real smooth, relaxing voice. And when the guy kind of relaxed, my. stepfather pops him, bam. Knocked him. unconscious. Drug him to the hole in the floor, set. him up on his knees, handcuffed him. And then he pulled out a pistol. It was. a revolver. And he said, "Come here, boy. You're going to shoot this man.".

And. I remember standing behind him and he. placed the pistol in my hand. And um. And he raised it to the back of this. guy's head and this high. Now this guy's. conscious and he's begging me, "Please. don't shoot me. Please don't shoot me. Please don't.". And. uh. I remember I started squeezing the. trigger. And I don't know if it was the pounds of. pressure and at 7 I couldn't pull the. trigger or this was just so final in my.

mind. it was just like I can't I can't. Whichever one it was. my stepfather he put one hand on my. wrist. He and he put his finger over my trigger. finger. And then he pushed and I pulled. And. um. I shot the guy in the head and it killed. him.

And he already slumped over. He's bleeding out. You know that gurgle sound when. somebody's dying? And he he he. he wiped his hand on the blood on the. wood floor. And he slapped it in my face and mouth. like uh like they do when you kill your. first deer. And he said, "Boy, that's your first. kill of a man.".

And he shoved him in the hole and he. buried him. And. he wrapped the pistol with a. handkerchief. And he said, "If you ever tell anybody. what I've done. he said, "I know where this body is. And he said, "I'll tell the police. it's your fingerprints on this pistol. And he says, "They'll arrest you.

They'll put you in prison.". And he reminded me of the times he. electrocuted me. And he said, "They'll electrocute you to. death. So don't ever tell anybody.". And that was the last time he abused me. That was the last time. How old were you? Seven. Um we were with him. What happened after that? Well. we we.

it was still dark. He made me lay in the. back of the vehicle. and we drove back to. my grandmother's house. It was in the. middle of nowhere. Was there any. conversation? Zero. I never. we never had conversation. It's just. just fear. And uh yeah. When was the next time he. spoke to you?

Um. it's probably. more directives like do this, go over. there. That. you just we all of us lived in fear. I mean just sheer terror. He's here. He's pulling up. Clean everything up. You know, don't. you know. The only thing I remember him like. conversation was he'd sit in his chair. and he'd say, "Go get me a beer.". And you go get him a beer. I know the night we left left him.

Yeah. Before we get there, who was the. man. in the house? We never found out who he was. My guess. my guess he was. maybe a homeless guy by the way he. looked he looked really disheveled. And knowing my stepfather. he probably paid him.

and told him. "Hey, I've got a kid you can use. Uh. and then we'll get rid of him.". The. uh you know. So he wasn't selected for any particular. reason. He was selected because he was. an easy target. I think so. And the real. motive was. you. Yes. The it.

Yeah. The real motive was. he was going to die. And my stepfather would have me shoot. him. Did law enforcement ever. recover the body? No. It would be. No, it'd be years later before. I was. willing to. you know, willing to even. bring it up.

and talk about it. Um. cuz I mean a lot of crazy stuff. happened. It was just stacked. When is. the first time you talked about it after. the incident? How old were you? I was in my 40s. And also I was terrified. And he was dead. And I was still terrified.

And I. I I would have rather been crazy than it. to be true. And I tried to. I mean I tried everything to get away. from the truth. We hired a forensic polygraph. examiner who came down. I said. "I need you to tell me if this stuff is. made up. Like maybe somewhere. I'm just crazy.

And and he ran me. He he he did it three different times. And then the report, I never forget, he. called me and said, "I'm I'm sorry.". Wow. He's an officer out of LA. Then I talked to the FBI. Then I called I remember calling the. town. It's a little country town in. Mendenhall, Mississippi. And uh. I talked to the.

sheriff. And uh. I said, "I know this is going to sound. odd but. man I uh for my conscience' sake I've. got to just tell you what happened.". And. he's like. he's like, "Sir. it's such a cold case. We you know. uh. and same with my friend in the FBI. He. goes, "Victor, there's so many. murders past that.

Non-descript. I don't know where the house is. He. buried him underneath the the. He said your stepfather knew what he was. doing.". I'm like, "Yeah.". And at at least it made me feel better. that I told somebody. Um. and cuz I always lived with this guilt. I was always fearful of the cops. Yeah, I mean always fearful. But.

it's um. there's a lot of people who. out there. bad things have happened to them. And. you know, it was done in a way where no. one there's no evidence. There's no. And that's what keeps a person in such. shame and guilt and fear. Um. and I I just encourage people. when when injustices happen, whether. they're abuse or what it the the shame.

is not theirs. The guilt is not theirs. It's the. perpetrator. And that's one of the hardest things. people have to learn. cuz they still carry that. Especially. when you're a kid, you you can't process. it. It gets. it gets loaded wrong in the brain of who. who's really at fault. So, it took me becoming an adult to. go, you know, oh my gosh.

How messed up was that? And my stepfather used to hold my mom at. gunpoint with that pistol. She just told. me that a couple of days ago. She says, "There's more than one time he. would just for hours he'd just sit in a. chair and he'd hold a pistol at her.". And get her to say things that weren't. true. Get her to denounce God. All evil. Just. all evil. And. I'll never forget the first time someone.

asked me after doing the gun disarm. I'd been doing it for years. Somebody asked me they go, "Why did. why did you. what motivated you to get that fast?". And I was like. wow. There's a truth seeker right there, I. thought. I said, "I'll tell you. My stepfather. sat me in a chair.

uh when I was a kid and pulled out that. gun, pulled the hammer back, put his. finger on the trigger. I could see the. rounds and he would tap me to the side. of my head. And he would say, "If you ever tell. anybody what I've done. I'm going to blow your brains out. I'll put the gun next to you, call the. police and say you shot yourself playing. with my gun.". And I remember as a kid, I was seven at. the time. So, it was before the final incident.

But I'll I'll never forget I I'll never. forget my my brain saying, "One day, one. day. I'll be so fast no one will ever be able. to hold a gun to me.". One day. And and it. it sure enough happened. So. What was. everyday like? What was like. your daily routine growing up? Normal.

Just. And I use that term in you get up and go. to school. Um. you play with your friends. You make a bike ramp. Try to jump it. You go play in the woods. You go. hunting. Um you watch cartoons on Saturday. morning, eat cereal. Uh. get in fight with friends.

It it was. it was normal in the sense of. um. outwardly you kind of wouldn't know. Now, would weird things happen? Yeah, I. mean. playing with a friend. play we're going to chase our brothers. across the street. And um. they run first and me and my friend go. to chase them and I heard a voice say, "Stop.".

So loud. I stopped, he didn't and a car. hit him. Broke both of his legs and one of his. arms. Threw him for. distance. And it would just there'd always be. something tragic that happened. And it. would be consistent enough to where. Sean, I I believed for years there was a. curse on my life. That I would meet people and they would. die. And it was my fault. Or people would get hurt. Right? I mean.

right around. It got so bad it wasn't until I started. getting work through. Uh I remember I sat down with a uh. a man. counselor and I said, "Hey man. bad things happen around me. all the time. It's just weird. I don't. you know. I don't know. It's just And he's like, "Well, do you think. are you exaggerating?" I I said, "No. You want me to start telling you? It's.

it's unbelievable. And it's all factual.". Um. and I remember we finished that session. I walked out of his office and right in. front of his office a man and a woman. start fighting and this guy is starting. to beat on this woman screaming and he's. like, "What?" So, I have to go over. there and smart the guy up. And I'll never forget after it's done. I'm looking at him. as he's looking through the window and I. go.

and. car accidents. I'm I. it it just always was something. And. finally we believed that um because as a. friend of mine said in India, I was in. India helping him and. um super poverty level he wanted to. start an orphanage and. he started in his house little like 20. by 20 place.

And. I remember asking him about a kid who. had just become an orphan. And I said, "You know, what do you tell. them?". He goes, "Victor.". I said, "Brother Brother Victor.". He goes, "Kids who are born in the fire. won't be burned by the heat of life.". And I was like, "Wow.". So, later in life. doesn't matter what happens.

I would never get shook, upset. Uh as a matter of fact, the crazier the. incident, the calmer I always became. Where. applying pressure. shooting at someone. moving off an X. um. somebody running across the parking lot. that just. attacked a woman. and all of a sudden everything's slow to.

me and. I'm just like, so my wife would say, "Well, honey, actually it's kind of a. gift now. because. if there's chaos, you bring order to it. really quick. You you're comfortable running toward. chaos. to bring order.". I said, "Yeah, but I'm. sometimes I get tired of it.". She says, "Well, I think that's how God. redeemed your childhood so you can help. people.".

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and get ready for the fallout. Once. again, that's preparewithsean.com. 19 plus years hacking, you're. self-taught, no college, no formal. education. You claim to have imposter syndrome and. you say that hacking is the best. decision you've ever made in your life. Sometimes you hack up to 10 hours a day.

The reach that you have that, you know, Project Veritas has the amount of. parents that will be educated based on. some of the stuff that we talk about. here, that even if we save one kid, it's. it's worth it. This is hard to read and certainly hard. to hear. He admittedly thinks it's okay. for adults to have sex with children. Oh my god. Cuz the owner of the website. happened to be a Democratic politician. and ran for Congress two times.

His name is. Nathan Larson faces multiple sex crime. charges tonight. Police say he met a. 12-year-old girl on social media, went. to Fresno, California to meet her, and. then abducted her. Brian, do you think. you could demonstrate right here, right. now, how fast these predators will show. up in a chat room? Yeah. Fire your computer up. Let's do it. It hasn't even been 60 seconds yet.

You'll never know the full impact of how. many kids that you've saved. You know, we had a conversation. My reference of time is not the best, but um so I can't remember if we spoke. about this. 20 minutes ago, or if uh that was downstairs when we. were prepping for the interview, or or. if it was at breakfast, but we had a. conversation.

about. It was here. It was in the interview. We had a conversation about. women. who were abused. Yes. And. abusers, they're attracted to this. It. becomes generational. Yes. You know, and. it happens over and over and over and. over. And I mean, this is it's no secret. I. have some of this in parts of my family. A lot of friends that. have been through.

abuse. And a lot of people on the show. that have been through abuse, but. you were also abused, I believe, by a. neighbor. Mhm. If I remember correctly. Yeah. Can you go into that as well? Well, I. I I do believe. that when a kid is compromised. on. just on a psychological level. predators can tell. Mhm. They they see.

the signs. You know, absent father, insecure. Um and. I for me, I was playing. Um. again, it was in Mississippi. I was. playing by myself. Um. running around the woods. And then I got by the chicken houses, and this neighbor guy comes up, and he. sees me. And I was making. country boys, I get it. You know, corn.

cob, we used to stick feathers, chicken. feathers in it, and you throw it in orly. birds down. It's a poor kids toy, and it's a never. runs out of batteries, though. And he he caught me there, and he said, "Come here, I want to show you. something." In this building, and and it. was a small building where they. had a re-. cooler. Um and where they'd put chicken stuff, and. and he pulls me in there, and so he goes. to abuse me, and I I'll never forget. He. goes, "This is what you're going to do.".

And. and I just remember like. I can't I can't do this anymore. I. I'd rather die today. I I don't want to. be abused anymore. And. um he wasn't right in the head. You. could tell he was like inbred. Uh. he was, cuz he was an adult child, adult. man living with his parents. And. and he said, you you know, "I'll kill.

you.". And I was like, "I just don't care at. this point." So he actually How old are. you? I was five. Five years old. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he shoves me in this cooler. And I think his thinking was. he'll freeze to death. Like a freezer? Well, it was a it was a commercial.

cooler. But I'm in shorts. And uh like a little tank top. Okay. It's it's middle of the summer. But it's early morning. And but again, his mind, it's a cooler. Let him die in there. So he you know, he. shoves me in there. I'm fighting him. He. shoves me in there, and locks it. And um. and I stayed in there all day. I mean, all day. to near the end of the day, and I passed.

out. And um. and I remember. I remember thinking. that and and I I I really don't say this. much, but I do remember there was a. figure. left of me. Cuz I was sitting on these crates, these. pallets. Couple of pallets stacked up, and I remember rocking back and forth. I. could hear. the cooler. blowing in, just blowing cold.

And it was pitch black, but I'll never. forget this very felt presence. And it made me calm. And I remember thinking. I guess I'm going to die today. And I. I passed out. And. I think it was an angel. Um cuz I do believe. angels can. manifest themselves who they're called. to protect, or.

And um. but I'll never forget I felt peace. Felt peace. I anger, terror, all that, but the last stage was just. I was like, "Wow, someone. Okay.". And then. I woke up to being carried back. They. were running to the house. Um. And. and I was. They were they were shaking me, and. and they actually were screaming at me. Saying, "Why did you get in there?

You were not supposed to go in there. Why would you?". And they looked for me when when I. didn't come home, in the woods. They. checked the pond. They thought maybe I. was bit by snake. Um and then they found that little toy, that little. And then they went into the thing, and. thank God they opened up. uh the the cooler, cuz they saw somebody. had locked it. And thank God they did. So they ran me. up, and drove me to the town. Took a.

while to become. lucid, and I'm trying to talk, and then. I'm shaking cuz of hypothermia. And. uh into this day, I can't get. any type of cold air on the tips of my. ears. I wear mu- I man, I'm like, I. don't care. You know. Um but I remember them yelling at me, going, "What are you doing? Why?". I told them I didn't. He. I told them.

And my family, and this is what's. bizarre. You know, just a handful of guys. went to his house. It was right there. Kicked in the screen door. The the dad was real skinny. The mother. was super heavy. Um like a bad movie. And um they beat him. in his house. They beat the fire out of him. Drug him. outside. The dad never tried to stop.

him. Um then they hogged him They they. hog-tied him, and hooked him behind a. tractor, and drug him. They drug him. behind my mama's house. And then they threw a rope over a pecan. tree limb, and hung him. They tied a. noose around his neck. Hung him until he. passed out, and they cut him down. They. left him there. And um. he didn't die. then, but he he later did die. From that?

They They didn't say it was from that. They said it was from a bad heart. So. it was interesting. And. again, there's some very strange stuff. in my story, but it's. you know, in that little group of guys. the oldest was 13. And. you know, later in life, in my 40s.

you know, I called him. Uh cuz he's a country cousin. We're not. blood related. I called him and talked. to him. in decades. And I said, "Hey." Uh and he's a. prominent attorney. And he's a good Christian man, but. prominent attorney. I said, "Hey, do you remember when". And I started explaining. He goes, "Yeah, have you told anybody about. that?" And I'm like, "Yeah, it's in a.

book I'm coming out with it, or. whatever." I said, "Yeah, I'm trying to. work through telling my story.". He's like, "Just please don't put my. name." He goes, "It's. I said, "But. was I correct? It was just y'all because. I wasn't coherent, and this is what. y'all did." He goes, "Yeah, it's exactly. what happened.". I said, "Good night." So. um. Yeah, they call that country justice.

And later, and I put it in my. documentary, I went back to. the little cooler building wasn't there, but the concrete slab was. And I stood on it. I'd never gone back. since I was a kid. And then I found the tree. The pecan. tree was still there. And I remember it had a distinct We call. it a hanging. limb. It was still there. I couldn't believe. it. They filmed it. I was like, "Holy smokes, man.". What did that feel like? Uh.

It was terrifying and then freeing. It was terrifying cuz you. you just you remember all the bad things. that happened out there. And you still think a monster's going to. come out from under a. rock or. you know, you just. you're just like, "Dang." But then it. was freeing. Um. Then you're just grateful.

You you're grateful that. God can redeem the worst depths of evil. And you know, I say it. I mean, at my age right now. you know, but. but uh. That's an interesting thought. to have. after. all you had experienced.

Was there sexual abuse as well? Before that happened with the cooler? With that particular fella? Yes. No. No. It There was. I mean, there was sexual things going. on. It was It would be It would be. considered molestation, but there wasn't. uh you know, it'd stop at that. But not with that individual. Mhm.

I mean, you you had mentioned that you. felt. it's amazing that God can redeem the. worst of people. Did he redeem that man? Did he redeem your father or who are you. speaking about? He redeemed my life. Well, I don't consider you the worst of. people. You were. I don't I don't know anything other than. call. what you've been through than a victim. Yes, but I'm. I'm speaking of God can redeem in a.

person's life what evil has done to you. Okay. It's It's that I mean, that's. miraculous. Because you can't stop evil. Mhm. It's. going to happen. Um. but he can redeem He can redeem the. worst things that happen to people. That's what. that's what actually just sometimes. blows me away. I'm like, "How are you. going to redeem this girl. who I just rescued. or team recovered and now we're giving.

surgery to her because the guy cut her. hand off and he threw battery acid in. her. And we've got. guns protecting her in a hospital in. Southeast Asia. How do you redeem this? And he does. Where. she survives. She comes to faith. out of being loved and protected and. learning the truth of God's word.

And. now she's on staff with us. helping girls who've been raped. Our. last one was 4 years old. being being sold to foreigners. And with one hand missing which we got. our prosthesis. you know, she's taking girls in and she's showing. them love. I just go, "Wow.". And she actually said this. She said, "I. was dead before that even happened.

I didn't ever become alive till after I. come to faith.". So. because. people who do get healed of stuff. you still need the hope of eternity. You. still need the hope that justice will be. served for evil people. Um or else you just live with this. bitterness or this. being driven to get revenge.

Were you able to compartmentalize any of. this as a child? The abuse from from from the rest of. your life? Yes. How did you do that? It's not hard. Drugs, alcohol? I I I think if your mind splits, then. each split compartmentalizes. certain aspects of the abuse and you. don't access that. It just stays over. here. So you forget.

And and then you put it in a vault. And then you stay away from things that. might trigger it. So you don't you don't ever watch things. about abuse or. you know, certain things you you just stay away. from. But when the teenage years hit. then you start realizing in a different. way. what you do know that happened to you,

how wrong it was. So you do Now you start working with. coping mechanisms. Uh alcohol. drugs. I started using drugs in the. sixth grade. And I remember thinking, "I'm not trying. to be cool. I love this. cuz man, it moves me out of the it makes. all that stuff go further and further. away. And even helps me with the stressors. right now as a teenager.

Um What kind of drugs? Um course it. started out with pot and then moved into. mushrooms, the kind and fields, uh so psychedelics, uh acid. uh cocaine. um. alcohol was actually really. um alcohol kind of got a hold of me cuz. it was an acceptable. form of coping within the family. And um.

so and it was just this thing then it. was fighting anger. cuz it you'd explode and. and I wasn't a good fighter. I just was crazy. I mean, the crazy side would come out. Um. I remember one time this dude. he you know, he gets up in my craw and. he's like, "I'm a I'm a He started. telling me what he was going to do to. me. He's a big guy. Everybody's looking. I just said, "Really? Well, you ever been locked in a.

cooler as a kid? I have. So tell me when I'm supposed to. get scared. cuz my fear meter is broken. of people like you. I ain't got no fear. And you will have to kill me.". I remember I was on acid, too. And he was. or he started backpedaling real quick. He's like, "Hey, man, I didn't. I just wanted to fight. I don't I don't.

want to get I said, "You're going to. fight Mr. Crazy. It's crazy with a K, not a C, you know.". And then. and then you know, you pivot to be. you know, you pivot toward excellence. Some people do. Some people don't get. past the depression. And so excellence was important to me. And that's why I joined the Marine. Corps. And. and it was like, "Okay. Marine Corps.

uh this will be good.". And my era was. my guys and mentors were out of Vietnam. Well, before we get into the Marine. Corps before we get into the Marine. Corps, what was the conversation between. you your mother and your siblings? Did anybody Did you guys talk about what. Never. Nothing? No. Were you aware of what was happening to. your siblings and your mother or did all. this.

You You knew. some things like. um. you know, as kids we'd be we'd be. He'd make us sit on the couch. And he'd take one kid in the bedroom and. beat him. Beat him with a belt until. and you just hear him screaming. screaming and they were long. horrible. beatings and then and he'd say, "Anybody.

else want to lie?". Any Anybody and you're just. My mother never stood up for us. She's petrified. Cuz she had horrible things happen to. her behind closed doors. So. to this day we don't talk about it. I mean. you know, if some family members get. you know, high or something or drunk or. you know, maybe there'll be a moment. My.

My brother. who was one of my best friends before he. passed away. uh. we would talk about it. We would talk about it and he would. just, you know, so we would feel sane. And that felt good. But you bring up with my mom, she start. to collapse emotionally. You know, literally just, "I can't. I. can't.". And um.

yeah, it's just all taboo. When did. you discover that your stepfather was. involved in Project Bluebird? I was speaking. at an event. and. it was early on when I started sharing. my story. 40s? Earlier. 30s? Yeah, it was in my 30s.

Late 30s. Uh cuz I like I shared and then after. that I kind of backed off. There was one. time I shared a few things. and then I get a phone call. from a uh a lady who retired out of the. NSA. and she said, "Hey, um you said a few. things tonight that I think you should. be. aware of.". And I'm like, "Yeah.". And uh so she she explained who she was.

and I found out who she was. and she goes, "Uh. I think you should research a thing. called Project Bluebird. for your own personal like mental health. to understand maybe there were some. things that happened to you. that fell in line with kind of this. approach.". I was like, "Uh okay, what's it called?". She told me. Then I researched it. I'll. never forget reading some of the.

techniques and approaches and outcomes. I remember just. just my my eyes were leaking. Just my insides were just. being twisted. I'm like, "Oh my gosh.". And. and it was in a time period. It it it fit the time period. Um. and and I remember thinking, So I I. I visit with her after this. I said,

"What do I do with this information?". She goes, "Nothing.". She goes, "Be very careful who you talk. to. about it.". She goes, And she goes, "The general public's not. ready to believe. some of this, even though it's all. declassified and it's. there's ample. I mean, there was. congressional hearings. There was. And she goes, "But she goes, 'I'm only. letting you know because for your own.

mental health. cuz you'll I don't want you to struggle. You can reach a lot of people.' So she. said, "Be careful who you tell.". And you know, it's been years now. Couple of decades. And we live in a different culture and. environment now. Things have changed. so much. Like back then, you we could never. imagine. uh a teenager cutting their breast off. to become a guy. We couldn't imagine.

a doctor wanting to prescribe hormone. blockers to to because someone says, "I'm not who I feel.". It's. everything's extreme now and I'm like, I like that's it's declassified. I. There's people being abused and I see it. all over the world. I'm like, Uh yeah, I I don't and I never have. I've never thought I've had the most. extreme case of child abuse. Never.

Um. you know, cuz. everybody's pain is relative. and that's what I do know. It. A person can be so wounded. by just a father telling them, "You'll. never amount to anything.". Or you were a mistake. Or you know, just one word can create a. wound so deep in a young person's heart. that.

it's the same pain I feel. It's the same pain I feel at the same. level. of my years of abuse. What I tell people the consequences are. different though. That's the difference. Pain's the same, the consequences are different. Going back. knowing what you know now. is there anything The reason I'm asking. this is not to.

I mean, we've already revisited it. Um. reason I'm asking is because. you're not the only one Mhm. you know, that this has happened to. and. you're not going to be the last. Right. And um. and so. for people that are watching this who. have been through that or are going to. go through that or are going through. that. is there anything that you think you.

could have done as a child. that would have. changed the course? That's a great question. Um. during that time period. the 60s and early 70s. no. The the situation we were in. the the inability for my mother to.

provide protect her. you know. No. I think today. if somebody's in it if there's a young. person. who's being abused in any way, I think. they have a much better chance at help. because of where our culture's come to. fight against it. by calling the police, telling a teacher. tell someone. and um.

there there's far more greater. resources. I mean, no one talked about. trafficking back then or abuse. And um. you know, my stepfather brought me to a doctor's. office one night. and other people abused me. So. as a kid you're going to. I. Am I going to tell a doctor? I don't. trust anybody.

I I remember me and a. a girl. being in a house where it looked like. they were having a party. but it was dark. It was weird. And um. us being put in a. coffin in the living room. and closing it. Um. then being brought to a bedroom. and.

as a kid you just remember this. It was a cloth. and nothing's it didn't smell. They put it on you. and then you're out. And I remember. what seeing the girl being abused. by people coming in. and thinking, I. The one thing I'll never forget is her. eyes.

I remember looking at me. Man, she was just gone. Her soul left her body. That's the one image. I've never been able to get out of my. mind. Man, we were young. Six. She had dark hair.

She's just a little girl. And people were using her. So. pedophilia and these are networks. They. they've always been around. Perverts have been around since the. beginning. But I would tell people. you know, when I tell kids, you know, tell someone. Keep telling people. Cuz the biggest thing you you take a. survey of victims, the biggest thing is.

they don't believe anybody will believe. them. Cuz fear is always reinforced. with abuse. It is part of. the methodology. to keep a victim quiet. And they'll kill you. They'll kill your. family. And you know, one out of three girls. will be abused before she's 18. One out of five boys. This is the epidemic that's quiet.

And it's so. pervasive. And I'm I've said this and I'll say it. right here. What the United States. with the culture, what people don't. really realize. is. the big play. for the perversion people in that world. is to legalize pedophilia. That's the. goal and it's coming.

It's not the LGBTQ. trans. That's all preparatory. It's. almost like just. drop an ordinance to soften everything. up to to make people un. like not shocked anymore. Legally, legislatively, culturally, they. want. pedophilia to be accepted. That's that's the play.

I know you're right. We've covered it several times on this. show and given multiple examples of some. of the. legislation that's being passed. and. brushed over. and uh. and it's spreading. It's in multiple states now. But um. Yeah.

You're right. Yeah. The other thing I would tell. adult survivors is, you know, don't lose. hope. And again, the shame isn't yours. The. guilt's not yours. And even siblings. who would hear. someone they love being abused. and they couldn't do anything. I've worked with so many men who were. just like, I couldn't stop it. I I couldn't stop it.

And. they join the military and want to go. kill people. You know, they're. transferring their anger and. like, man, I. So, it's it. to make sense of it all, that's why we have to talk about the the. spiritual realm. But also, and this is the hardest thing I've ever. done. This. and it's probably been the most. important show.

Um I tell people I love weapons. You know, from wanting to be one to use them. But the best weapon I've ever used for. my soul is forgiveness. And we have to define it. We as a culture don't really know what. forgiveness is. The best definition I can give. is forgiveness is giving up your right. to hurt someone back for hurting you.

I've never heard of it put like that. We're not minimizing the offense. We're not giving people a pass. When I say, "No, you didn't know it's. okay." No. That person is guilty dead to rights. We're not. We're not navigating around justice. Cuz there are some people.

I've forgiven. and. even for abuse for someone else, but. there's a justice piece. There's. consequences for your actions. There is There are people. that uh. I can forgive, but they wouldn't be. allowed on my property. cuz there's zero trust. Forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation. Sometimes. Um but forgiveness is giving up our.

right. to hurt someone back for hurting us. I struggle a lot with forgiveness. Of. course. You know, I don't. It's. hard to let things go. You know, but. what I am. realizing is that forgiveness is for. you. Because Yeah. the person you're.

forgiving. probably doesn't really give a [ __ ] if. you forgive them or not. It's. It's the internal rage. that goes away when you do when you do. learn how to forgive. Yeah. And um. I don't know what the recipe is other. than time. Well, there's different.

Um Can I Can I share my. Absolutely. hardest person I've had to forgive? Yes, please do. My stepfather. That was later in life. And I was traveling, speaking. Um I used to work for a Dr. James. Dobson. Who He is an old G legend. on.

family psychology. Uh. I mean, there's no one out there that has been. better than him. He was the early. Peterson. 70s, 80s. But I worked with him and he was a boss, then he became a mentor, then he became. a friend. And he's actually still alive. He's in. his 80s. I'm speaking next month at his. for an event with him, but. I was traveling for him.

and I passed through this little town in. Mississippi. Uh and I was like, this is how compartmentalization works. I'm driving through this little town. called Hattiesburg, Mississippi and I. went, oh my gosh. This is where we lived. This is where we escaped from him. And I was like, oh my gosh.

And then. I felt God's spirit bring me peace. and say, um. you need to find him. And just visit with him. I'm like, and I know he was still alive. He went to prison. and. um. he escaped. a federal penitentiary in the state of. Alabama, fled the country.

He was never caught. They end up. years later, he turned himself back in. Did his time. So, I called my my half-sister and I. said, "Hey, is your dad in the Sear's?". She goes, "Yeah.". She's like, "You going to see him?" I. said, "I feel like God wants me to.". So, got his information. He was living. in a little trailer on a river.

Poor as everything. This is a guy who. had wealth before, was in the He was in. the oil and gas business and then, you. know, uh his brother was a prominent attorney. in Jackson, Mississippi. Uh so, it he he wasn't I mean, to give. people a visual, he he was a learned, educated, you know, man, degreed. Um. did counterintelligence. His favorite read was Hemingway.

Um and he was a pedophile. So, I went and found him. And knocked on his door. And he opened this little trailer door. and he was shocked. Cuz I wasn't this kid anymore. I was. full grown man. How old were you? Uh that time, I was in my. 30s. Like late 30s.

And I mean, dialed in. You know, like. How much time had lapsed since you'd. seen him last? Oh, I would say. 20 years. Yeah. 20 years since I'd seen him, I believe. And um. So, you know, he's like, "Hey, what are. you doing here?".

I said, "I just felt I was supposed to. come visit you.". And instantly poured a drink. And. he had done his time. He had actually. had open heart surgery. I could see a. scar. Fresh. Like really fresh. And you know what he tried to do right. away? He tried to intimidate me. Really? This man's like 70 now. And he goes, "Do you know how easy it is. to kill a man with a wire, Victor?".

Because. remember the cadaver? He He He's like cutting the cadaver's. head off. So, I know he's trying to trigger me. And I'm like, mhm. And he tries to say a couple of things. and then, I'm standing in his house by a wall. He has like a basketball. He grabs it and he fires it at my head. I'll never forget. He just threw it on. me and it was boom.

I'm like, look here. I ain't no kid anymore. I don't know. what you're trying I'm I'm full grown. ass man. Marine, master martial arts. I'm like, man, I could make you go away. So, stop with all the head trips and the. and that that doesn't work for me. anymore. And I was thinking, I want to zip you. and push you in that river. And I.

guarantee you no one with our history, no one would have blamed me. I probably especially in that area, they. probably never would have pressed. charges. But. I again, I could feel like God's spirit. on me. That's what's supernatural about. all this. Cuz there's some people you can't. forgive. E- emotionally, and rationally, it's impossible. He's one of them. And.

but that's a supernatural. When you know how much you've been. forgiven by God, and he's just like, just be willing to give up your right to. hurt him back. for hurting you. Just be willing. and I'll give you the power. I'll give you the supernatural strength. So, the conversation didn't go great. I. ended up. this. I ended up giving a $100. Cuz I felt like God's spirit told me.

give him money. I'm like. I got a young family. This $100 in my. pocket. I literally need for diapers and milk. And again, now now I'm resisting God's. spirit, what I believe is God's spirit, to obey. I'm like, oh my gosh. So, so I took out the money and said, "This. is for you.". He goes.

"Boy, you don't owe me nothing.". And I mean, I was already like. ready to explode. I'm like. "I never said I owed you anything. God. told me to give this to you. So, here.". And then. this a little moment happened. He goes. "Boy, I didn't know how I was going to eat. tonight. I'll be honest with you.

I ain't got I ain't got no money.". And I'm still mad. I'm like "Well, apparently. God. loves you enough where he sends me. someone you done bad things to and I. don't even like you. He sends me to make sure you get fed.". And he was just quiet. And then I left. I literally I'm just. done.

A few months pass. and one of my sisters calls me and says. "Hey, dad's dying.". And you know. I called him dad. He wasn't my biological dad, but. I thought he was. My mom didn't tell me. he wasn't my real dad till I was like. six or seven. And. she goes. "If you want to see him.

it it it's probably important.". So, I drove to her house. He was on the. floor in the bathroom, Sean. On the. floor in his boxers. He can't get up. He'd been sick, but he never gone to the doctor. He was. just his health was failing. And I walk in, I look at him, I'm like, "Huh.". And he looked up at me and he goes, "Go. ahead, boy. Do what you got to do.".

He he knew. anything I wanted to do to him I could. and he deserved it. I said, "I'm not going to waste my time. up in your ass, old man.". I said, uh. I'm just looking at him like, "You're. pathetic. This is what your life has come to. This.". And. my sister goes. "You know. he's got appointment at the VA for me to. check him in.".

So, we ended up rolling him into a. blanket. He can't get up. He can't. crawl. Put him in the van. Drove him there and I was next to him. when the doctor came in from the test. results and he's like "Your your body's. riddled with cancer.". He goes, "You might have 2 weeks left.". I'll never forget the only time I've. seen him like cry. He. he had tear come out. And. he never was sick his entire life.

No nothing ever affected him. He had a. broken wrist one time from punching a. dude. How's that? And God's spirit told me. "You need to read scripture to him.". I'm like, "Wow.". I told my bride, I said, "Babe, what do. you think?" She goes, "It's God. almighty. If his spirit is speaking to you, obey. him, Victor.".

So, I. I went to the hospital next day and I. said, uh. "Hey, dad.". Um and I'm still mad. And again, there's nothing wrong with. being mad. It's a secondary emotion. It's anger. It's like, I should be mad. You know, you're an absolute. pedophile that abused and tortured me. And I said, "Hey, you're dying and. according to scripture you're going to. hell.

No ifs, ands, or buts. You you're dying. You have rejected Christ. You know about. him, but you're going to go to hell.". And I said, "Do you mind if I read. scripture to you. about the cross and like your only hope. out?" He goes. "Go ahead, boy. I don't care. Whatever. you want to do.". So, I sat on the chair. I started reading scriptures, which is the only truth. for everything life and living in my. opinion.

And I'd come in every day, read. scriptures. And then one night. I woke up about 4:00 in the morning. Unbelievable feeling inside of me. Unbelievable. Where I get out of the bed, kneel down, and I start praying for him to come to. faith. For him. to be forgiven by God. Cuz I really realized how real hell is.

And that's when I knew my forgiveness. for him was real. I didn't want him to go to hell. And. I mean, again, doesn't mean that I have. to like him. or invite him over if he ever lived. You know. But my wife got out of the bed. She. kneeled next to me. We prayed and I I. actually wept for him. And um.

I went in the next day. I walked in the room. He has a new nurse and he's laying. there. And he doesn't have long. He said, "Hey, nurse. This is my son.". He said, "I'm proud of him.". He said he became kind of like a. preacher. He goes. "Uh he's been worried about me.

and he don't have to worry anymore. I made it right with God last night.". And. it was such a holy moment. This nurse actually backed out of the. room. Didn't even turn her back. She just. slowly backed out. And then I went. I'm like, I can't believe I'm hearing. this. And I said, "God, now I know why you.

brought me back into his life. Because. he knew you could forgive people. He just didn't believe. you could forgive him. So, you brought back into his life. someone that he had hurt so bad. And he'd been so evil to. And now your love through me. is showing him he can be forgiven.".

And. and then I knew I was done. Right then I knew I was done. I just said, "Lord, what do you. What do you want me to tell him? What do you want my last words to be? Cuz now I'm released. I'm done.". And I felt like God's spirit said. "Tell him you love him.". I walked over to him and said, "Dad,

I love you.". And he turned and he looked at me. The first time I ever heard this in my. life. He said, "Boy, I love you, too.". Not a touch, not a hug, not another. word. I turned and walked out. And then he died. And you know what? Huh. Like you said earlier.

Yes, he got set free. But I'm the one that got set free. No longer. did I have to give a piece of my heart. for hating this man. And that part of my heart that had been. hard for years, now I had real estate in my heart to. give to my wife, to give to my kids, to both give love. and receive love.

And that's the power of forgiveness. That is. maybe the most powerful thing I've heard. in this room. Mhm. Thank you for sharing that. Let's take a quick break. Next on the Sean Ryan Show. The night we left, uh. was the night that he came home drunk.

My mother grabs us and the kids who were. there. We ran into the back room. and then ran into closet. like we're hiding, you know, and our. door is cracked so we can see and. you know, just intense. Gosh, it was. intense. And he started saying, "Where. are y'all? Where are you? You better come out.". It sounds like everybody around you in. your childhood had some type of. generational trauma.

I know this. God made us to heal. He made the mind to heal. The name of. our organization is with God all things. are possible. Hey everybody, I'm Shawn Ryan. Click. here to subscribe to the Shawn Ryan Show. YouTube channel for the hottest and most. compelling interviews that you will not. see anywhere else. I've also made a.

playlist of all the previous SRS. episodes so they're easy to find. You. can find that. right here.