Tyler Grey - Delta Force Operator Never Seen Before Footage & Intense Combat Story | SRS #61 Part 2

hey everybody part two of the series. Tyler Gray. former Ranger Delta operator producer. director and actor of the show Seal Team. acted on several other movies as well if. you guys haven't checked out part one. I'd highly recommend it. he really opens up on this one this is. going to help a lot of people. patreon oh you guys a huge thank you for. supporting the show.

wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. guys I love you. I love you everybody if you haven't. please head over to Spotify and. Apple podcast leave us a review tell us. how we're doing. tell us who you want to see on the show. but um hey. thank you everybody for being here no. matter how much sport you've given us if. you're new share this with a friend and. ladies and gentlemen without further Ado. please welcome Tyler gray for part two.

of the series. see you soon previously on the Sean Ryan. Show. how many people depend on you. do you have any idea you're the producer. of Seal Team. that's work I mean. that's your life yeah it will depend on. you bunch of dudes got shot like I don't. know like 13 or 14 dudes just to note it. I mean these guys were real pieces all. of them suicide bombers all everyone. about to blow themselves up one guy was.

in the kitchen and he had dragged. himself from the living room. and uh I don't know how many times he. was shot but I I saw him you know he's. gonna die like. pretty quickly. I'm just gonna I'm just gonna watch him. I was probably a foot from his face like. if you think what the military used to. be. which is a bunch of more ones online. marching on an open field to face each.

other it's the same. mentality yeah compatible for financial. Iraq deployment. all right Tyler we're back from the. break let's let's wrap that deployment. up. um. damn trying to think what happened at. the end uh yeah so fluja I mean it was. just a. you know for me that was like all right. like.

that's War you know like freaking all. out. you know Cobra helicopters coming in. tricking airplanes tanks you know it's. like wow so again I I'm. I'm glad I got to see that you know. um. uh and then uh did that amount of. violence affect you. no I mean I I'm not a I'm not a violent. person at all like well again unless.

[ __ ] with kids you know. um. but other than that like I you know I. it's like fighting like. dude I've I've. I mean I've been punched in the face but. I've never. like. I mean I have not been in a lot of. fights you know because. what's the point. like.

are you gonna kill me. am I gonna kill you. no. Fox Point of fighting eagle. like it doesn't like there's no. if you're not. violence doesn't make sense unless. you're going to kill a person. I mean to me you know. um.

and so it's uh. no I mean it didn't it didn't didn't. bother me. um. you know I was lucky in the sense that. again the only thing that. the only thing that affected me was was. definitely uh seeing kids hurt bad.

that affects me did you see a lot of. that not a lot I saw it and but again I. was super Lucky in this sense that I. mean I'm in or I was in a unit that you. know is a scalpel. so. I mean. you know no one's shooting. non-combatants. you know the amount of effort we're. taking to not hurt uh civilians was I. mean we were doing basically hostage. rescue style tactics to not hurt.

combatants especially at the time. so no I didn't see a lot of hurt. non-combatants. um. I mean you definitely you know it hap it. happens you know [ __ ] happens and I saw. you know. kids stuff which again it's. it's sad what kind of kid stuff what did. you see uh a girl got like her arm I.

can't remember if it was blown off or. I don't remember I mean quite honestly. in hindsight it was probably about what. happened to my arm in hindsight and it. was total accident. um I won't give the details on how it. happened but no no one's fault you know. it's [ __ ] War but um. yeah that was that was you know it's. just you just can't.

you know it's like cops and EMT and you. just. if you get emotionally attached you just. couldn't do the job. you know. um. but it's worth noting actually that. you know when I kind of made up that. fake person. I shut off all emotion. that sensitive kid I had to kill. so I just shut it off.

I mean to the point and I'm not. exaggerating. to the point where when I was in that. treatment you know. they asked me what was it about it's. about feelings. they asked me a question or it was I. think it was written it was about. feelings and I was like. can you give me a list of feelings. to like pick from because I was like I. was so unused to like.

like how do I feel about something. I mean I I was stumped I was like uh I. really didn't know how to answer and I. was like can you guys have like examples. so I can like figure out how I feel. about it. um and I actually has one of the. exercises I did was. I would have to like. try and feel like okay what do I feel. like what is it. how can I feel how in my body can I tell.

I feel a certain way in my mind or. emotionally I should say. because pure emotionally I'm like I. don't feel anything. um have you ever thought about where. emotions even [ __ ] come from. the devil. you might be right. um I you know again on.

isn't it [ __ ] weird where do they. come from. the only thing I can come up with is I'm. a fan of evolutionary psychology and you. know emotions make sense to reinforce. certain behaviors. um. I mean how was it created. yeah I mean you know I mean it's just. it's just.

it's a fascinating topic I mean oh yeah. a lot of people are hearing this like oh. where did it come from your brain no I. mean where the [ __ ] do they come from. yeah if I dissect your brain. and I cut out a little [ __ ] chunk. am I gonna see. sadness am I going to see happiness am I. going to see anger. you're not going to see any of that [ __ ]. where the [ __ ] do they come from. this is where a hippie would say from.

the heart. all emotions are from the heart man. um yeah no I mean brain science is you. know it's interesting to me because. you know you're trying to understand the. system from within that system. it's not going to go well I think you're. going to miss a lot of stuff you know. um but yeah I mean I just I had no. emotions and again I make no mistake I'm.

still not good at it at all like I'm. you know. like I say things and I don't realize. like like with my girlfriend you know. like I'm saying emotional things. but not emotionally. I mean them but there's no emotion in. them because I don't have emotion. so I'm trying to. honestly trying to learn how to feel. you know. and going back to.

why am I hesitant. because that's where all the freaking. risk is. as soon as you start having feelings. you know you open yourself up for. hurt feelings negative feelings you know. like it's. yeah if that's the case why do you want. to feel again. because that's what being human is.

everything else is just a shell. and I've been one for a long time. on that note. the reason I have always liked movies. is. it is. the only well and music but.

I will absolutely my whole life really. I've shut down well I mean after you. know whatever age but shut down emotion. with one exception. movies and music. it's like a safe place where I can watch. a movie and cry I can listen to a sad. song and release emotion because it's. not. it's not reflective of me it has nothing. to do with me. you know what I mean does it make me it.

doesn't. it's not about me it's like I can I can. watch this movie and. I can be sad and [ __ ] cry in extreme. cases. um like The Notebook. um which I think I actually did cry it. was [ __ ] sad I don't give a [ __ ] what. anybody says. um uh. and it it doesn't.

it's not reflective of my own life it's. not reflective of my own past it's not. you know it's separate it's safe. and again I know that's wrong you know. trying to get better than that but. um during my you know up until recently. it was by uh it was my only emotional. release really of any kind. um. and I mean even now again dude oh I.

don't mind saying it we kind of talked. about earlier but. you know. as I was saying earlier people are like. oh you know when you talk you talk very. raw about getting really open. yeah. but. the reason I can do that is because I. have no emotion towards it. I can be matter of fact because I don't. feel anything.

tell you about the worst day of my life. I was a [ __ ] kid I [ __ ] my pants at. Camp literally. I'm detached from that. I really thought about it if I really. focused on it and let the actual emotion. happen did I [ __ ] cry. because it was sad as [ __ ]. but it's so hard to get to that place. because I'm so shut off. so.

I think a lot of guys can relate to that. I hope so I hope so. um. but that's the irony is I kind of want. to get like my goal is to get to a place. where I can't talk this. candid without it. affecting me. because it it doesn't and that's not. healthy yeah I'm like you know. um. but uh going back to. um. yeah that deployment ended we did some.

other stuff too and other places. um what kind of stuff. well it's a [ __ ] nightmare because. the rest everyone else was in Baghdad. this is one of the most dangerous things. I've ever done so. everyone else was in Baghdad we were in. Fallujah so if they were doing a mission. and they needed us. they would have us drive.

in civilian unarmored vehicles. dressed in a certain way. from Volusia to Baghdad. unarmored like dad drove Alfa Romeo. like. some of those drives were. level 10 [ __ ] sketchy like.

like. it got to a point I forget how many. times we did it but finally one was so. bad that my team was like [ __ ] you. like do you want to send a [ __ ] Hilo. we're not doing it again it's like I. don't know 45 minute drive something. like that. um but yeah one we almost we got long. story short we got [ __ ] stuck in. traffic. uh I mean literally couldn't move boxed. in and [ __ ] all the fighters were. leaving Fallujah and they were [ __ ].

walking through the traffic I mean dude. um I mean we got lucky but. that was probably the only time that I. was like. oh [ __ ] you know like oh [ __ ] like. if. anything goes wrong we're done there's. no way out we're [ __ ] no you can't. even fight back and then you can do. um. yeah so that deployment ended.

um. went back you know [ __ ] standard. cycle training blah blah blah. um. next trip to uh. with straight Baghdad. um. Street Baghdad and uh. that one that was when oh five like. every Target was. legit you know like like [ __ ] serious.

you know Brazil you know it was [ __ ]. bad guy after you know every Target was. that guy like legit [ __ ] bad guys. um. and uh. um. I mean I was. a great deployment. um the I mean dude we do. some nights we do. forget what the record that.

trip was. either three or four I can't remember. the follow-ons. damn like did a hit for a night I was at. three or four I can't remember. um but yeah I did a hit because I. remember one particularly which had to. be this one that. we hit a place got the guy. had him tell us where the other place. was. three or four but anyways we ended up we. were there we we ended because the sun.

was coming up the little birds wouldn't. stay they wouldn't fly in the day up for. obvious reasons so we were done but um. yeah we were out all night long. um I mean I was it's not a great. deployment. um. you know obviously the mission I got. blown up on. um was that that deployment yeah so what. happened was uh. this was solder City and uh we were. doing a um. uh BDO vehicle drop you know basically.

dropping off and then walking to Target. because. um for. noise and uh. did you go through solder City. you know like dirt roads and and the. houses don't you know like most parts of. Baghdad shit's like [ __ ] rows of you. know the compound type you know what I. mean like perfect blocks you know. [ __ ] solder city.

um you know shit's just not organized. um anyways we're walking and um. all right uh this is the target. and so we hit it as a breacher at the. time. we hit it we went in. I was like. no the same place I could just tell you. know just by the people kids I was like. um something's wrong. and uh I mean I think we're there for. like 30 or 45 minutes you know The. Interpreter trying to figure [ __ ] out.

and then. um. we get called outside and it was my team. and another team. uh the other team is a Dev group team. and uh. then they were like oh no no it's this. house which was. distance wise. [Music]. maybe a hundred meters.

um I don't I'd probably see it today and. go oh it was way off but in my head. about 100 meters. so the dev group team went around or was. going around the front. and we were heading towards the back. and the next thing you know [ __ ]. Fourth of July like. I want to say from memory there were. eight dudes in the front room. and when the team came around dude they. all opened up uh out the windows on. those guys damn.

I think three of them got hit uh like I. mean right away and you know they had. just come around so basically what. happened was when we hit the house next. door. obviously those [ __ ] woke up and. started you know kidnapping I mean it. was an ambush. um as soon as the shooting went off in. the on the front side. um. so I was a breacher for my team so. um you know I had to get us in so I ran.

uh I think it jumped the wall I don't. remember how [ __ ] I only hadn't have a. ladder but anyways got over the wall and. uh I don't even remember how I breached. the door anyways went in the door. um. and just you know started clearing. and uh I mean they were still firing. um and then we. cleared one room cleared another room. there's a guy with an AK in there. um. and then came out me and another guy.

ended up being side by side going down. the hallway and then they. I I don't know. can't fully explain how I was aware of. it but like. I was aware that. um they were shooting they started. shooting they basically sensed us coming. down their hallway wall and then just. started shooting through the wall. and so all these bullets came through. the wall and I remember looking at the.

holes but I remember feeling the like. the the [ __ ] fragment you know whatever. and I remember the pressure or the sound. and then the guy next to me got hit I. remember him saying he was hit I think. he was hit three or four times I can't. remember. um. and so. not dfq were like maybe there's a better. way so we went back food would have kept. going. dead as [ __ ] no no question no way. [ __ ] two guys screaming I don't I.

don't care what your [ __ ] CQB tactics. are you're not going in against eight. AKs even a four-man team ain't happening. and um. so we we pulled back. and then he. I assume he went outside to get Medical. Aid and uh then it was me and another. guy. and basically it was a tactical. conundrum which is at the end of a long. hallway you have a door.

how do you throw a grenade. you can't you can't [ __ ] curb it like. wanted. it's not the Matrix so the only option. we had. which we were figuring out was I'm gonna. [ __ ] shoot the door I'm gonna [ __ ]. keep dumping rounds at the door. as we move up to where he gets close. enough to hook it in. and then then we'll run back again and. uh. that was the plan. I can't repeat grab the grenade I don't.

[ __ ] remember but next thing I know. if I can. everything exploded. and I. who grabbed the grenade no no he he was. gonna he was about to prep the grenade. it wasn't the grenade but like that was. the plan. um. to throw the grenade and then and then. just everything exploded it wasn't his. grenade [ __ ] house dropped no just. the whole hallway exploded.

um. just the whole hallway [ __ ] okay. it's hard to describe. um the best way I can describe it is I. felt like the Hulk grabbed me and just. did his [ __ ]. like I felt small. insignificant to the power. um. and I felt like. or no like.

in my head immediately I would be on the. ground I remember looking up and like. dust was just [ __ ] weird. and I remember feeling like my arm was. blown off. it was a feeling it sounds weird but. like it felt not there. uh oh and it was night and it blew my uh. nods off my face. um. probably would have blinded me except. for my glasses but yeah blew my nods.

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and so I. maybe it's just because I watched too. many movies I don't know but in my head. I reverted to saving a Private Ryan and. tried to look for my arm on the ground. I I like I remember thinking of that. scene when it happened. uh. and I didn't find anything but I asked. didn't see anything and then. I abandoned that idea I got up.

I walked outside and there was like a. porch light. and I looked at my arm and it was just. [ __ ]. it was I mean from here to here you know. and this was flayed out that way and. this was flayed out that way I mean it. was and it was broken in like eight. places so damn it was it was literally. holding on if you can see it by that. holy [ __ ] I mean dude it. when I looked at it there was Zero.

question on my mind it was gone. zero it wasn't even a thought that it. was savable so I looked at my arm like. well that's [ __ ] like no question go. on and. then I also was like you know I had an. arterial bleed and then I was like [ __ ]. I lost my arm like [ __ ] I'm gonna. [ __ ] be that dude with I mean I'm. thinking this I'm gonna be that guy. without an arm. and then I remember thinking [ __ ] I'm.

like. like I have an arterial bleed and I'm. like. well [ __ ] if I don't fix that I'll die. and that'll be [ __ ] stupid yeah again. I just I remember these words very. clearly that'd be stupid. so and then the wall that I had got over. to get in was there I looked it out I'm. like well that ain't happening. so I just [ __ ] plopped my back. against the wall and uh I tried to get. out my tourniquet. um.

how do they teach you to put on a. tourniquet. I put mine on rubber bands on there no. no on on your arm let's say whenever you. do the training how do they usually do. it oh. yeah. dude my arm was [ __ ]. like [ __ ] if your arm needs a tourniquet. you can't do this you know what I mean. like I was like [ __ ] you know like you. know like I don't know how to do this. um. here's the crazy part of the story.

guess who the guy is that gets to me and. puts turning it on me. I've mentioned him once. who was it the team leader of the unit. team in Afghanistan that I worked with. coincident. probably not crazy right yeah he's the. one that put turning it on me. he's also I believe I'm not 100 sure I'd. have to ask him. but I believe he's the one that gave me.

the. um because it blew off my auto injectors. morphing is in my pocket. um he gave me one like five minutes. later he's like how you feeling I'm like. still pretty shitty. and then so he gave me the other one. another five minutes go by how you. feeling. not good long story short it came out in. the hospital like a month later that I. was morphine intolerant then test for. the time didn't do anything like my body.

doesn't process it. was because I was like I'm like thinking. of these Vietnam movies of being like Oh. man yeah and I'm like I don't feel any. better. I'll tell you what it hurt like a. [ __ ]. was the tourniquet. because it's where you feel like that. thing hurt like in my head I was like. kind of things so tight can you just. look oh no that's that's the point but.

um but yeah uh I got I was lucky you. know again [ __ ] spoiled you know had. one of the best you know Medics probably. in the entire military you know worked. on me for 20 minutes and then I was very. lucky we had a uh we had little birds uh. circling. uh I think for Cass I can't remember and. they called one in and put me on it so I. evacked within 20 minutes to the cache. in Baghdad. um but if it wasn't for that I mean.

I yeah. the level of care I did I would probably. died. what's that what was the explosion. uh. it was a charge. was it your George. no [ __ ] man. yeah I'll leave it at that but no.

um. but again. yeah what are you gonna do it's back in. the war. like it really doesn't bother me doesn't. make a difference what it is you know. yeah. um I didn't find that out until two. months later. in the hospital. and like everything I thought like was. and they sat me down started explaining. it and I was just like. but again how did you process that at.

the time. I don't remember. I don't remember. you're [ __ ] good at. compartmentalizing. yeah I mean there's a lot of things I. legitimately don't remember I mean. but I do know I have a good memory so. when I don't remember something. it's probably a reason. um. but yeah. um and you know again it's just. everyone everyone.

loves to. I don't know loves I shouldn't say it. that way but like. you know you hear the word why why why. why why. you said you grew up a. like you said this off camera you said. you grew up a an atheist. s. did you think you were gonna die there. oh I'm glad you asked that I'm glad you. asked that actually. um. so. I'm so glad you asked that.

um and actually I didn't tell you but. I'll tell you the. so at the um I went to Christian Camp I. think I was eight I don't exactly. remember but. uh it was the camp that I [ __ ] my pants. at and um. because I wet my bed for like until I. was like 15. like a [ __ ] you not no kid yeah it's. um. it's pretty common with like. alcoholic parents it's just.

it's just uh. uh what is it um. it's like stress you know. um yeah like I've [ __ ]. I would probably pee my bed most nights. like and I would go on sleepovers and I. would be [ __ ] terrified. terrified. um. anyway so I go to this camp.

and you know me being the one to one-up. myself I don't pee my pants I [ __ ] my. pants. in the cabin with everyone. um. and I remember being in the bathroom. cleaning [ __ ] up out of my. pajamas I don't know. uh. and I just remember being like so angry. at like. is a religious camp and I just was like. there's no God.

you know. and it was either the day before the day. after I honestly don't know and the guy. was. saying. something. and I just I listened to it and I'm like. nope. [ __ ]. you know no it doesn't make sense I. don't agree. and after that I just. I I tuned out like I.

there was also another thing where like. we all got in trouble because some other. and couldn't go ride horses because some. other kids did something you know group. punishment I was like [ __ ] that I don't. agree with that it's not what God would. do you know and so yeah that that kind. of was the end of organized religion for. me so then when I got blown up. um. it was when I. I never lost Consciousness except when.

they got me over the wall which I have. no idea how he did it to I need to ask. someone because I have no idea I lost. Consciousness I'm sure from Pain there. because I don't I don't remember that at. all it's only a five minute period I. don't remember. and then they got me like into the open. area and then uh. and it was before because the medic was. treating the guys that were shot on the. front side. and when he finally got before he got to. me. it occurred to me that I might die.

like. and so then I was like. quite honestly a little excited about. like. oh [ __ ] this this this is when religion. hits you. and I was like. still [ __ ]. there's nothing. for me. do you keep in touch with these guys. that you were on that up with no I. didn't think so I'll tell you this one.

of them was Andy stump Andy stump was. one of the guys that got shot on the. front side of the house. I haven't been on Andy's podcast but. Andy I mean it's we put it out you know. mentioned on Instagram but Andy was one. of the guys that's when Andy got shot. damn what are the odds. damn um but uh. to be a perfect long last week I'm.

probably avoiding it. there's probably a reason I haven't. asked Andy to do this podcast there's. probably a reason that I don't keep in. contact really with any of them you know. um. not that I have. I mean. so long ago I mean I I quite honestly I. can't imagine my arm normal now you know. and I wouldn't trade it for anything. like the [ __ ] I learned about myself. I wouldn't I wouldn't give that up or. anything I'd do the same thing over.

again. um. but yeah I. there was nothing there and again it. doesn't mean anything if you're a. religious person just for me. I just it didn't. it didn't change me didn't change my. mind you know. um. my thinking was you know. with all this [ __ ] in this world and.

again. with all the [ __ ] in this world like. and this is what I used to say with all. this [ __ ] in this world if God. has a problem with me not believing in. them with all the bad [ __ ]. and I'm going to hell for that well then. [ __ ] you I'll burn in hell this protest. you know I mean that was kind of my my. you know joking uh it's like no like. that's. that's irrational you know.

um but yeah in that moment I was just. like no like I still don't I just don't. I don't feel it. um which yeah I'll be perfectly honest. was was disappointing for me and I was. looking for something bigger than myself. and. I didn't feel it you know. um. and then I got flown to the the cash and. I went in there. um. and very quickly they stuck something up. my ass.

um. which. was odd. they checked for internal fragmentation. but they like take my clothes off and. the next thing I know they stick I'm. like what the [ __ ] are you guys doing. it's right here right here you can see. it. um I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable. so I mean I made a lot actually quite. honestly I made some solid there was. some solid material uh.

solid material before surgery like when. they took off my pants I was like you. girls know because it was January or. February I'm like you girls know it's. cold outside you guys you guys know. about shrinkage right. [Music]. [Laughter]. I mean I was dropping these these were. these were golden [ __ ] eggs. and nothing nothing I'm so disappointed. so disappointing uh and they were also. freaking out because they were trying to.

take my vest off and I think I had. charges [ __ ] frags you know they're. in the hospitals they're like oh my God. live ordinance. they're like freaking out and I'm like. I'm like you know I've been [ __ ]. carrying that [ __ ] with me all like. it's okay it's not gonna explode on its. own. but um yeah and then they grabbed me for. surgery and they were wound me in and. they're like uh we're gonna cut your arm. off and I was like. but they just hit me with [ __ ] drugs.

so I was like do you [ __ ] [ __ ] cut. both my legs off too I don't give a [ __ ]. right now. um and then I woke up the next morning. and. that was there. and uh. um I'll give a little shout out to then. I went to uh I got flown very quickly to. uh balad and. um. I think it was [ __ ] I think it was MC. Crystal. came and visited Json Commander at the.

time. damn man came and visited me personally. and was like. and I was just kind of like. the [ __ ] I mean again I was a lot of. drugs I was like what the [ __ ] are you. doing here and he's like I heard one of. our guys was here I was like. and there's a reason they call him Stan. the Man you know but uh I'll never. forget that that was very very solid of. him it was just me you know. um. and then. he asked me what my opinion was again.

another joke. um and I said I think that we should. leave and nuke it from space it's the. only way to be sure. do you know what that's from I don't. it's from Aliens. when there is like I think we should. even nuke uh nuke to be safe it's the. only way to be sure it's Michael Bean's. line to but he's supporting Sigourney. Weaver but yeah I make these like you.

know and and he was just like I was like. uh I'm on drugs Leave Me Alone. um. and then uh I'll tell you what suck. [ __ ] balls. you know when you're watching a movie. The Character gets hurt maybe gets. evacuated cut to him in the U.S. do the Medevac flight to Germany was. something out of a nightmare. really dude again one of those things.

I'll never forget and so at the time it. was a 141 they didn't have a C-17. Medevac yet. and dude so I had. our doctor unit. with me like he was assigned to me. um Andy was there all like the whole. that team was there. but then everyone else was like you know. conventional forces there was a bunch of. Marines that got blown up by forgetting. what. and I mean dude my doc like he's.

dude if I wanted a [ __ ] glass of. water you give me a glass of water. I mean there's one nurse working the. whole plane. and it was just watching these marines. that had gotten blown up that need like. pain did it just again [ __ ] disgusted. me. and finally like. I think it was hit I can't remember but. doctor just saw it and was like hey are. you good I'm like [ __ ] yes I'm good go.

go help them you know but that was that. was sad. um. and then when we got to Germany. and again I am [ __ ] up on drugs and. literally [ __ ] up. so she'll never yet. so they unloaded you from the plane and. then they put you in this like. more of a fan than a truck and it's like. they had to they had I think three. levels of the stretchers right.

and it's like you had to go up and then. tilt onto this like holder thing because. it held you like this. and I am laying there and I'm watching. and again. it was four women. and. I mean dude my girlfriend's a fitness. person extra reference Fitness person.

there are a lot of strong women. nothing uh sexist here. these women weren't those. and I'm watching and I'm like. they're gonna drop that guy. there's no [ __ ] way like they're. gonna drop and they weren't super tall. sure [ __ ] if I can drop dropped a guy. and I was like they're not loading me on. there but I was just like. damn not a good idea.

um I I just [ __ ] I remember like. um and then anyways I went to. as in had a bunch of surgeries in. Germany and then. uh got to the US and um. uh I only did like a day at Walter Reed. and they put me in our hospital so that. you know could be close and monitor me. with our doctors. and then you know [ __ ] shitload of. surgeries and. then.

um I mean I had surgeries for. three or four years. just until you have to fix one piece at. a time so it took three or four years. damn. when did you get out. um so I was actually telling you this. earlier so when I got out no seven I. I chose to medically retire. because at the time. um they told me that it would take five.

years and I forget the percentage but it. was. it was lower than 50 percent again what. their advice was lower than a 50 chance. that I would be able to return to a team. after five years. and I was like no. that's you know it's not worth five. years of my life. for 50 50. but I don't even think it was. 55 I think it was like 40 or 30 percent. and I knew for those. five years I'd be watching everyone else.

deploy doing what I wanted to do and not. be I I. I mean how do you think it even said it. on my app dude I killed myself you know. like I'm not strong enough to do that. I know what I'm starting at and I know. what I'm weak at and I can't do that so. you know you're offering me. I want to be a surgeon and you're. I can't be a surgeon anymore and you're. offering me every other job in the. hospital. and if I can't be a surgeon I just don't. want to work in the hospital anymore.

so I chose to get out. damn. how long did that [ __ ] with you for a. while because. later. you know. later became obvious that I definitely. would have been able to go to a team. definitely. they write about the time frame you know. about five years but at the time I.

thought five years. Afghanistan was pretty much done. I mean at that time Iraq you know I knew. it had only three four years left so. my thinking was even if I was that 30 40. and I go to a team there's gonna be. nothing going on. so you know after I pulled the plug on. myself and then you know freaking. Afghanistan kicks up again and then you. know Isis and it just you know.

yeah it's it's. hard and easy and what I mean by that is. the hard part is. I. it was my decision. the easy part is it was my decision. I'm not a victim of it. this is my decision and my reasoning at. the time. my logical basis for why I chose to do.

what I did made sense it was based on. all the available information that did. end up happening but I didn't know that. um no way I could have known that so. yeah I came to terms with it like um. I actually I shouldn't say I came to. terms with it like I'm pretty confident. that I stayed in I would have died. you know. um. highly confident what do you think that. because that was stupid as [ __ ].

it's dumb just. just suck my dad like just very. self-destructive. like I did a lot of risky things that. were dumb. you know looking back now that's been. what. 15 years ago. do you think we ever should have been in. Iraq.

so at this point. you know with any of them. I just no longer look at everything like. to me though I feel now is it's.

it's almost irrelevant. because. Afghanistan so people could say well. Afghanistan is definitely Justified. because. uh uh uh Osama Bin Laden you know planet. and he was in Afghanistan and they. wouldn't give them up so so you know. that works Justified but but Iraq you. know that that one should we have been. there. and I. okay well.

[ __ ] we went and sent. you know very small unit to just go get. them in Pakistan. could we have done that in Afghanistan. did we have to invade the whole you know. it's just like. now dude I just look at. the politics of everything and the. politicians and the whole that whole. machine. I don't trust anything it says uh like. nothing. it's a [ __ ] shame man I don't think.

any of us do anymore yeah I don't I. literally don't have any belief in that. system anymore none I don't either. so that's [ __ ] sad. it is but it's because we've seen it. firsthand. you know. and it's just. it's a mechanism. like war is a mechanism.

it's uh. it's a tactic. it's a lot of things yeah but it's not. what we think it is you know. now I'm sure it was different at some. points but. um. look at Ukraine. like. [ __ ] you're a Russian soldier. conscript. in Ukraine getting blown up by a javelin.

that you never even [ __ ] saw. now are the ukrainians right in blowing. up the tank [ __ ] yes. but. does this Russian soldier probably want. to be there probably not you know and. it's. are they there because you know because. Ukraine you know. Ukraine is going to attack Russia. really like seriously that that's your. reasoning you're you're you're going. with that you know that's like Taiwan. attacking and taking over China I mean.

come on dude yeah. um. or your justification for attacking the. Ukraine is you're worried about the. military buildup in NATO. so you would attack a country. because you're worried that they're. building up like would. you there you realize that probably is. going to make like. the exact opposite is gonna happen. they're gonna build up more because you. literally declared war on what used to.

be a part of Civilian. um I just I don't you know people like. I'm gonna go fight in Ukraine like dude. have fun. it's just not my. it's not my game anymore yeah and it's a. game. it's absolutely a game. yeah that's what I that's how I try to. explain it's absolutely game. but that's not the scary thing. what's the scary thing.

so the scary thing is. for that game to be played you have to. have players. and we were the players yeah. and we played why did we play well I can. tell you I played because I [ __ ]. wanted to. did I would watch Rambo and I wanted. PTSD. like I wanted to be [ __ ] up like Rambo. yes I know it says I was a [ __ ] up kid. get that but I wanted to go to war like. when we got orders to Afghanistan I.

interviewed enlisted for six years. so you've had to have the people to. agree to go. and we are fast approaching point. in human society. where a person will be able to wage war. without people. and that's [ __ ] scary yeah. and it's. I mean it's coming what's happening oh. yeah I mean it's happening on a smaller.

scale but. I mean I'm telling you right now. freaking Elon Musk could probably buy. [Music]. um. Elon Musk is apparently a pretty solid. dude but like you know someone could buy. a. autonomous. Army and wage war without yeah no. approval from anyone no [ __ ]. programming go that's that's crazy. absolutely crazy to me.

and um. that's what scares me about the future. is. the ability. to. the further you are away from the. destruction the easier it is to do. you know the difference between me. shooting you at 200 yards and me. shooting you at two yards. it's a fundamental difference in my. perspective of violence yeah and my. perspective of killing. um.

and the further we get away from the. effect. the further the cause gets away from the. effect. uh it's just a lot of risk in that the. easier it is to do exactly yeah exactly. no emotional attachment nothing. nope. and you know. what if you didn't even I mean this is. like I like sci-fi I think of movie. stories but but if you.

what if you didn't even know what you're. doing was real. I mean do they can make an app it's a. game it's a drum game you drop a bomb on. somebody and it could be controlling the. world Trump like you don't even. yeah hey it's extreme but I'm just. saying like that's not that extreme it's. crazy I mean. if it's not up close and personal then. there's no emotional attachment and it. really you know.

you don't see it yeah yeah you know and. you know I think that's something. there's no connection either to to to to. to friendlies yeah you know so when we. started making the switch from. Specter Apaches. fast movers a TENS you know two drones. yeah well I don't know about you guys.

but we used to go meet all the pilots. everything every. sounds weird but is one big happy family. right or one big family. and now. you don't meet them at least we didn't. you know when when that started. happening we didn't it's not like you go. meet the Drone pilots who are flying out. of who knows where Nevada or where it. used to be Vegas yeah you know now. which means if you earn some [ __ ] on the.

ground. they don't know who the [ __ ] you are. there's no emotional attachment yeah. it's not should I just. describe with those gents right before. this operation I get to get in there or. even a person in A10 that can see the. ground you know you know or whatever uh. cast or you you know but can like see. the people on the ground you know. um. yeah I mean it's you know it's it's. everything's heading in a direction that. is unprecedented you know.

yeah. well let's take a quick break and then. when we come back we'll get into. civilian right transition sounds good. perfect. you've probably heard me talk about my. psychedelic Journey last year and all. the benefits that came from doing it one. being that I haven't drank in almost a. year I have not had any caffeine in. almost a year my anxiety is gone my. anger is gone a whole list of benefits. came from that and it led me down this.

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m-o-i-n-k. box.com slash SRS that's moinkbox.com. SRS. all right Tyler we're back from the. break. we're gonna get into civilian transition. and all the Glorious [ __ ] that happens. during that time during the break what. did we sell toothpaste. what's that what do we sell during the. break I don't know what we're selling.

yet probably gonna probably. Pharmaceuticals. yeah no kidding have you ever tried. restrepa. ask your doctor now. side effects of wrist rapper. cream. um. yeah all right let's do it. so we left off you're medically retired. yep yep yep. yep so uh medical retired. um.

so the I mean just uh where's home for. you where are you going. I so this I gotta go a little bit back. to I was about to say but I got to go a. little bit back for context. um so. uh. six inch six inch six inches but it's. thick. um. six months before I got hurt I started.

dating this girl. okay that girl. uh would be the one that when I. mentioned the two girls two x's that. cheated on me. she was the first of that you know to. tie them together. um. that the one that I just recently had. dinner with you know a couple I don't. know six months ago whatever. um. so I uh.

so her and I were together. um I got blown up and she was living in. Portland and I was living in uh well. obviously North Carolina. and. I yeah I don't know where I like I mean. I was from California I. looking back this is funny because of. how California is now but even then I. was like I don't know I'm not going back. to California government's crazy there. [ __ ] little did I know.

little did I know what would happen. um. so. you know we just I forget how we came up. with it to be honest with you but. uh. we ended up just choosing Vegas. um she got a job there doing. entertaining. and. um.

well I mean I was still going through. surgeries and stuff like that uh for for. a couple years and um and then when I I. stopped I tried to do the training thing. there and then I did also the. bodyguarding thing based out of there. um. so yeah I lived in Vegas and and now. looking back at it you know why did I. why did I choose Vegas a bunch of. reasons. um. one I think you know it's a place where.

no one's from. most people move there from somewhere. else. do their thing and then leave. you know it's a very transient City for. people that are kind of unsure maybe of. their Direction and I think that was me. or I don't think I know. um. but yeah yeah so we've we moved together. to Vegas and um. you know. three.

maybe two years more of surgery at that. point ish. um. and then once the surgeries were over. um. you know I had. that that was about when you know like. when the surgeries were happening I kind. of had a. you know it sucks but.

you're in a transition. you know you're not like okay what's the. next step like you know you got another. surgery in four months you know so it's. it's easy to kind of like. stay in that mode when the surgeries. were done my last surgery was at the. Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale I'm actually. the first active duty military person. ever to get surgery at the Mayo Clinic. randomly. um. and which is amazing it's like amazing.

hospital. um. and so you know they uh which actually. I'll say what they told me when I went. there this was awesome. say I go to the Mayo Clinic which for. those in the audience that don't know. the Mayo Clinic is like the tier one of. hospitals they're the hospital that does. stuff that then the other hospitals. learn from like they are v-top Hospital. or go to mail uh this is I don't even. know the number of surgery this was.

and they evaluate me so once the. military was done with me I was sent to. Mayo. um to see if there's anything they could. do so I go there male looks at me and. goes. oh I did. I don't understand. um yeah yeah we can. you know we can do this surgery. I mean if you would have came here you'd.

have like first you'd have like 40 more. function. damn I'm like awesome. thanks for telling me you son of a [ __ ]. like not exactly shocked but um. so anyways they um. when that was over with you know it was. like two years. you know post. um. that's when the.

that's when the identity crisis stuff I. spoke about earlier really started. um you know being in the. transition phase of the surgeries wasn't. really you know it was it was when. everything was over with and. it's not gonna get any better this is it. like you're here. um. and also dude you know. no one told me like. I'd never done a street drug in my life.

I'd never done any drugs in my life I. never even smoked pot when I joined the. military. and no one told me that the pain. medication was basically heroin. no one mentioned that little nugget. I didn't know. um. it says a nice bonus. um. but I mean.

I I was absolutely absolutely without. question I didn't. officially but I was definitely. clinically depressed no doubt no doubt. in my mind. um. the question I kept asking myself over. and over and over and over again was. oh why can't I get over this what's. wrong with me why can't I overcome this. like you know like. I've always been able to overcome this.

why can't I you know it's like. and to me in hindsight that's all I just. chemically I was. I was myself. [Music]. um. and I was definitely clinically. depressed no doubt about it. and. um also taking opiates at the time for. you know every surgery I would be on uh. you know medication in the hospital get. out of the hospital be on opiates. get off opiates maybe have a month off.

them another surgery and that cycle. repeated for a couple years. Without Really knowing that. what they were yeah. um. you know so I was still using them at. this time you know like poor pain but. again they come with a big downside that. I wasn't really aware of. um because they definitely affect your. mood no question about it. so.

I was clinically depressed and actually. again I don't mind saying this because I. talked to her about it not even long ago. um but you know. I probably was clinically depressed for. two three years. just. nah maybe not three probably two. just. I was never suicidal like I was that's. just not me.

um. but I was definitely. avoiding life. you know. um when I went out with my girlfriend. and her girlfriends. like. dude I'd get [ __ ] hammered like. true story on New Year's in Vegas I. threw up a Paris Hilton's table. true story.

um. that'll get you an extra bag of Gummy. Bears. I was also there bodyguarding. and a another Ranger told Paris to shut. her [ __ ] sea mouth. it's one of my better days. um no it was. I got some stories from bodyguarding but. that one.

oh there's only one reason he got away. with it but um he got away with it. yes. for one reason. well I'll tell you it's not I mean. the owner we were guarding the owner of. the nightclub. who was a multi-billionaire. we were in his nightclub. she was a guest of his. he had too much to drink and was about.

to faint. and we're like can you please get up. because we got to sit him down. and she's like you can't you know. um. basically were like move or we're moving. you like I don't give a [ __ ] who you are. like this is the client he paid you to. be here and he's about to pass out we're. gonna you know what I mean and then she. started melting off to him and he said. that. but because of the situation and who he. was and you know like he got away with.

it but. uh somebody probably got fired over it. but but it wasn't him. um anyways I got some crazy. um. yeah clinically depressed so. um. yeah I go out and get just [ __ ] drunk. as [ __ ] I mean go get a. you know Dad partied pretty much for. during that time during the clinical. depression I was probably going out with.

my girlfriend and her friends her. Entertainer friends for. probably four four to five nights a week. how long what time are you coming home. I would bring my sunglasses to the club. nice. it's the way to go in Vegas and I mean. dude we would you know get a table and. I mean dude I would I would drink till I. passed out you know. um.

I've never been. a heavy yeah I didn't have my first. drink until I got back from Afghanistan. because my dad was an alcoholic I hated. alcohol. but they talked me into it so I was like. all right then once that can of worms. was opened like I don't have the ability. to not be an alcoholic because. what I'm searching for is not I mean. this is logical to me too though like. why would you drink unless the intent. was to get drunk it's literally poison.

it tastes good no if I'm gonna drink I. want to go [ __ ] up. so uh. you know I would. I was. I was always searching for Oblivion. you know just the nothingness you know. and. um yeah so I I drank you know like in. hindsight it was absolutely an alcoholic. at that time.

um but because it was social I've been. it's like I was drinking at home you. know but when we went out and got a. table and Bottles yeah dude I was. drinking until I was couldn't drink. anymore. um but it also when everyone else is. kind of doing I mean not as Extreme as. being I went big but everyone's drinking. you know you just don't see it for what. it is it wasn't until years later that I. figured out oh [ __ ] I was an alcoholic. during that time and I was taking pain. meds with it.

um. so that's when I started figuring out. like all right like. you know I'm not. I'm having issues you know something's. not right. and. was at that time where. only time actually in my life that I. went to the VA and. I was like hey I'm having some. mental health you know concerns you know.

whatever I said. um and they gave me I don't remember but. it was at least five prescriptions. at least. one of them made me pretty much. incapable of doing anything. Seroquel. it's like a nuclear bomb. um and then I went and saw their. therapist and then I got annoyed with. their therapist and I hired my own.

therapist and everyone kept saying the. same thing you have PTSD you have PTSD. and. I'm like okay like severed books and. then after reading the books I would. you know ask them what I already knew. but you know what's what's PTSD. okay that's that's not what I'm talking. about. like I'm talking about this you guys are. talking about this. but you keep saying I'm saying this. you're saying PTSD is this but you're.

saying this is ptsd2 and it's not. foreign. why do I have PTSD I'm like well you. know you know your your experience is in. combat but I'm like oh okay uh so PTSD. is a combat thing. no. oh. well that I thought that's where you. were going uh okay so PTSD like a. military veteran thing uh no.

again I'm kind of confused so it's not a. combat thing it's not a veteran or. military thing. well who can have PTSD oh anyone. anyone. for what ah pretty much anything. um. I didn't go to college so excuse me.

um but. another outstanding VA doctor oh no this. is actually a the civilian one oh really. yeah but I'm like I didn't go to college. I'm not a Masters or definitely have a. doctorate. and I'm not English Lit major or an. English major but aren't words supposed. to mean something specific. crazy. but a chair doesn't mean 40 things it. means [ __ ] chair you can have 40. different you know a million types of. chairs but they're all chairs.

like. one phrase can't meet everything can't. mean everything and it can't mean. everyone. and that's when I started searching for. my own answers. because. something means everything to everyone. that it means [ __ ] nothing. it's catch-all phrase. now I know what it really is. do you know what it really is.

PTSD. in the in in the. Health Care sense. oh I think it's a blanket diagnosis. it's a billing code. it's a blanket diagnosis for a specific. Mental Health. it's in the DSM so they can put. something that they don't know where. else to put it under that. what it is. I'm saying that because if anyone's out. there and keeps hearing PTSD and it.

doesn't fit you. or it's you know. people keep telling you it's. at the end of the day if you want to fix. yourself. you have to fix yourself. I don't give a [ __ ] who it is. VA civilian. you are your own specialist you are your. own expert. and. I started getting better once I started.

doing my own research and. researching [ __ ] myself and looking. things up and learning and understanding. I had become. an expert. to fix myself not that I still don't. have a million things to learn. um. but I learned enough to realize that. you know. PTSD as an example let's say you have it. right down the checklist. is that it.

is that the only problem with you. I can answer that right now [ __ ] no it. isn't. and I'll say that to anyone to their. face. no it isn't. the reason I know that is there's no. [ __ ] way that you don't have issues. from your childhood. that are unresolved. that contribute to. issues in an adult. okay on top of that like every time.

here's a good question how do veterans. who don't serve combat have PTSD. we kind of talked about this earlier. but it's all relative it's all relative. but but. well it goes back to it's because. they're putting what they don't know. where to put it under. PTSD. what I personally think every vet.

suffers from actually I don't think I. know it's it's not debatable it's a fact. what do we all suffer from. loss. you suffer loss the day you get out. the day you go from active to veteran. that day you suffer loss. loss of job literally. loss of friends. it's not going to be the same.

loss of identity. you have all these losses. and if you look at the symptoms. of the seven steps of grieving. for most people that's more accurate. than PTSD. it's loss. now another one a term that I hate. all right you guys need to reintegrate.

so let's talk about reintegration. I don't need to [ __ ] reintegrate. for two reasons. one. would you say at 18 you're integrated in. society. no no so are you reintegrating if you. joined at 18. or are you integrating. it's a damn good point you've never been. in society I mean real society never. been in the real world I'm in school.

so everyone's talking about. reintegration as if we know what it was. like to be integrated and we just got to. remember it's like riding a bike [ __ ]. you. foreign. never been there I don't know what it's. like not only that but. hey you need to you know reiterate or. integrate. well. in a way like.

how many people. are reintegrating integrating whatever. and miserable. pretty much everybody and the reason. some people are miserable if you really. look at it is. because of that integration. what I mean by that is. if. if you are you.

and I say you need to go into this. environment where everyone is different. than you and you need to be like them. but you're not. you're gonna be [ __ ] miserable. because you're trying to pretend to be. something you're not. you think this is military wide or do. you think this is. soft specific. or combat I think MLS military I think. it's military-wide. well I mean I do I.

here's why though. reason is. I believe. that. I believe that. many. people join. I believe that many people join to. like in hindsight.

I joined because I. wanted. to be self-destructive for a Cause. that gave me worth. I'm not worth anything on my own but. if I join this cause. and I. sacrifice myself for a greater good.

then. I have worse than that Redemption. that's why I joined. I mean it took me a long time to figure. that out but I think it's more common. than people think if they really thought. about it and where I'm going with that. is the identity thing the reason. that. the identity thing I think is. military-wide is. I would argue most people.

most people like I said I think you know. who you are as a kid and then [ __ ] gets. in your way. so then around that time I mean think. about how you were or how most people. are at 18. pretty unsure of who you are in the. world. so whether you're unsure I I would argue. that most people don't really have a. solid identity at 18. on top of that let's just say you did. solid identity in either case. you joined the military and their entire.

process is to strip it and give you a. new one. so if you had one. it's going to get taken away and the new. ones are going to be given to you and if. you didn't have one great we got one for. you yeah. and what is your identity in the. military your job. your identity and your job are the same. thing. so when you get out. when you lose the job. that's the identity.

why do you think people identify as. veterans. I think there's multiple reasons I mean. there's multiple reasons but a lot of. people. like if you're now doing this job but. you know. like. you're saying you're a veteran. it's to me you you're still in that. identity of being in. you may be out but you're still in. in your head you haven't really gotten. out anyhow you know that that's not a.

blanket statement uh exceptions to. everything but. um. you know that veteran is a. a term representing something done in. the past. by definition. and. but when you're your job. you're and look I'm not saying I don't. think you could do the job without it. being your identity I think that's what.

it has to be but you're automatically or. not you but that system is absolutely. setting up. um it's giving you an identity and then. stripping it I mean I I agree with you I. also you know I mean. it's different I think I don't think. I'm not looking to debate here you know. and I'm but you know if you take a guy.

like you or I. it was they rip you out of society. you're with. I can't speak for your experience from. my experience I'm I'm I'm with what 16. people in a seal platoon you know at. that at that time frame that I was in. my whole [ __ ] year. is with those 16 yeah. not my whole year my whole site my whole. two-year cycle and then if I do another. cycle yeah four years old yeah you know.

and so your identity is shooting blown. [ __ ] up going to war getting in [ __ ]. bar fights I mean it's that's you're a. warrior that that doesn't that is not. military wide a lot of military people. come home to their families they have. regular jobs they're on the medical. field they have camaraderie they you. know they never deploy they have you. know and and so I I should I should have. been specific. um. when I said military wide what I.

actually what I what I heard or what I. was saying in my head was service wide. I I agree it's not every job every MLS I. would say there's groups in every. service that you know what I mean like. yes they've written when you're in a. soft unit you're ripped from everything. you know willing you know willingly I I. would say probably a blanket statement. could be. definitely all combat arms.

and others that you know I mean we won't. have to talk about every job but. definitely all combat arms that's I'm. not that's not a hit on oh no no no no. no no I just want to make that clear if. you joined like I know somebody that. joined. uh join for four years. um joined for four years. wanted to uh be an X-Ray tech. join for four years. uh went to radar Tech military school.

then worked at a hospital for the. remaining you know two and a half three. years whatever it was then got a. shitload of money for college. now she's a radar Tech or uh X-ray tech. and has been because she came out with. the schooling and experience and then. she got more College like. we didn't use the system right. but you can and the people that do. freaking. hats off to you because. um you know it it definitely.

uh you know I think. you know good on them the people that. that don't freaking. commit to that level of well again. destruction you know the people that are. using it you know computer skills you. know I mean we're the ones that you know. got jobs that translate to nothing. yeah I remember the the acap thing when. I was in there and they're like we're. the ones that got jobs that translate to.

nothing no I did I remember literally. true it is the truth I remember being in. the in the acap thing and and trying to. do the resume that whole thing and. and I was trying to and I was so when I. acap from the unit even you still have. to go to the big army for like the a cap. what is a cap. stand for it it's like basically it. means like it's a little. month-long school or whatever before you. get out to prepare you for the real. world okay it doesn't but they make you.

make a resume and I'm like I was talking. to the guy and like uh did this I did. this and it's just like you're like who. the [ __ ] am I gonna turn this into yeah. he's like no you just have to take well. this is what he tells me no you just. have to take your military skills and. then just reword them into something. civilian and I was like. all right uh demo. and he's like. yeah let me come over there and help you. you know and I think everything on my. resume just turned in like leadership.

you know yeah there was no that was it. um. but yeah yeah no no definitely not I. think every service has you know. components of that. um except space force. they're too young to have any uh yeah. yeah identity issues. um. but you know it's one of those things. where. it just it took me it took me years to. figure out what my.

even what my problems were. you know. and and I think it's all self-research. um I if there's anything that I. am good at or have. a skill at it's you know. um. I can I'm pretty self-aware. um. probably. I don't know why I don't know what. that's based on but I've always.

been pretty self-aware. um. and so I would just constantly. you know that so that you saw the. documentary or do you know about it I. know about it you know about it okay so. in the documentary. um there is uh video diary footage that. I filmed oh really and. and what I was doing I. there was a reason for it and the reason. was. I so after that last experience with the.

therapist I was like [ __ ] therapist like. they suck like. and also at this time by the way I. thought having a college degree meant. you were smart. what did I know you know like. and that they knew more than me just. like you have a degree in in this so you. know what more than me not necessarily. and so. I was like I'm done with therapists.

all they do is listen to what I say. and tell me [ __ ]. and then I come to my own conclusions. and I'm paying for it [ __ ] that. so what I started doing was I would film. myself every day. I would do a video diary. and I would talk about. how I was feeling issues whatever. and then. I would go back later.

watch it and then try and self-assess. and detached from that immediate moment. and then try and watch it like I was a. therapist watching someone else that's. how I would figure out patterns and. stuff that I felt were oh I'm seeing. this is this is reoccurring. I've actually thought about doing that. believe it or not how would you start it. hey Tyler it's uh you again. no I'm sorry.

I joke seriously though because. well actually procrastinate it I I I. haven't done it but if I wanted to do it. or no format turn on one of these things. and just I'm I'm not joking actually. when I say hey Tyler it's you again but. you already know that like I would start. with a joke. that's just me. and then that when I watch it later. obviously I thought I was hilarious but. how long would these be. depends on how long I felt like talking. you know until I just it could be two.

minutes if it was something small it. could be 20 minutes I don't know what. the longest one was but it was just as. long as I felt like I had something to. say. would you think about what you're gonna. say before you turn the camera on you. would literally just set the camera down. and talk into the camera yep for x. amount of time yep what would wrap it up. just what I felt like. you got it out I felt like when I felt. like I had nothing more to contribute. yeah I I'd shut it off.

or I mean not contribute but just get. out I guess like you said like. okay it's out. then then I'd stop it yeah. I'm sure the longest one was probably a. [ __ ] hour but. but it's um. it's just like anything you know. those videos dude when they. you know we filmed the documentary for a. year and a half.

and the director was like man because he. was editing and he's like. you know I'm happy with what were you. know the message and everything I just. there's so many things you say I wish we. could go back to you during that time. post injury. and I was like. ah. we can. he's like but I didn't tell him. I filmed it for me I holy I never said I. did not know you were doing this I had.

no idea I literally like no idea how. long have you been doing this uh well I. I now I do it much less frequently by. the time I was doing every day how many. I was I mean there's like a thousand ish. do you. how do you store them uh update on. external hard drive do you date them. uh yeah yeah. when I had to go through them all to.

give to the documentary I did a much. better there was no organization before. that and it took a [ __ ] long time. yeah to go through but um. I mean there's some stuff on there that. I wouldn't even watch now you know. just [ __ ] just broken. just fundamentally broken. um. and. It's just sad it's like watching it's.

you but it. it's not you you know but yeah I was. like oh I got these videos that I was. doing and they're like. are you serious I'm like yeah like. would you give them to us I was like. sure and you know what the craziest. thing is this is crazy when I had to. watch them all before I gave him because. I had to make sure there's nothing like. that I shouldn't put out on there. and.

you watched all those yeah over again. yeah yeah it was yeah it was not a fun. process. um at that time and. I mean I remembered a lot of [ __ ] that. I've ever completely forgot about but. um. but I would be watching and I'd be like. oh man. this piece this is important. and I like logged all the important.

stuff basically. in anything that was. you know it had to have a certain it had. to have like me transitioning you know. it couldn't be about you know me getting. an argument my brother you know as an. example not that that happened but you. know I mean it had to be relative so I'd. go through and make like time stamps of. all the relevant [ __ ] and then pull the. footage then I sent it but. the stuff that I was like this is by far.

gonna be in it this is really important. good [ __ ]. not in the movie. why not. so stuff that I was like. this is not important at all but you. know it's it is relative to the. documentaries so I'll include it but. it's not gonna make it. that's all in the movie. and it taught me something. what you think is interesting about your.

story. is not what other people will think is. interesting. what you think is uninteresting about. your personal story is what others will. be interested in. hmm. dude there's moments. there's like a moment in the documentary. there's nothing to me I shouldn't say. nothing but it just. it wasn't meaningful dude I I've had. hundreds. of people tell me that that really. [ __ ] affected them what was it.

so I'm. I'm on the computer I'm filming oh. that's what happened okay I'm doing. I'm doing a diary and I I don't I don't. remember what I'm talking about but. I'm talking about how [ __ ] up I am. the arm stood at the. The Lobster Claw that's the extent of it.

arms looking decent. you want to see the guns. that's what I'm talking about baby. so um anyways. um. you know [ __ ] those people seriously. [ __ ] them because here's the thing I. realized tonight. no he gives a [ __ ] what you did in the.

military in L.A nobody gives a [ __ ]. where you were at what you did nobody. [ __ ] cares. you know so I'm just not gonna mention. it I don't want to [ __ ] talk about it. anyways. you know. and I just I don't want to [ __ ] talk. about it. and nobody gives a [ __ ] it doesn't get. you anywhere what you did in the. military means [ __ ] nothing in civilian. life nobody gives a [ __ ]. while I'm filming my dad calls.

on the phone and I. and I answer I didn't stop filming so I. answer it. and you don't hear his side but. you you get what he's saying from me. which is. you know he's like oh I'm like no no I'm. good I'm I'm fine no I'm doing good you. know it's yeah total [ __ ]. I'm I'm [ __ ] just talking about how. [ __ ] up I am and my dad calls me and. I'm like yeah no I'm good dad great no. issues.

hmm. that I could definitely see that that. moment didn't register I think when I. watched it it just was like. you know I didn't really. is there. is there anything specific that you wish. was in the movie that didn't make it I. mean I'd have to I mean there's several. diary things that that I mean I don't. remember exactly what they were but it. was at least. 20 things that I were like that I. thought were very important would you.

want to put it in this episode. oh [ __ ] I have um. I'd have to go through and see. if I can find them sure I don't care. I'll do it I just have to see if I can. if I labeled them well enough to find. those things. does that make sense well I'll tell you. what if you have one. I'll put it in right now. right you have one way I'll splice it. into this episode right yeah no no when.

I get home I'll look and see if. you have fire I'm pretty sure I have. I would love to see that because I'm. pretty sure I have just the isolated. clips of what I pulled for the die so. I'll just have to look or I can get it. from Rick's of who did the documentary. so yeah I did watch them all out like. again. whatever you think is relevant one. little. yeah whatever Club I mean but again. quite honestly I'd rather send you the.

it's not I didn't send them that many. clips. dude I'd send them to you freaking I. don't know what's relevant I know that. okay I don't know what's relevant. because again what I think is like oh I. just none of them none of them I thought. were important. um but I'll see I'll see what I have. um or if I group them well enough by. disk then I might be able to isolate. even more I'm gonna do that now too I do. this it's um. where I got the idea from it's pretty.

interesting. um. there was I read this story or watched. it I don't remember well I didn't watch. it uh there's no streaming then it. wasn't like a documentary I read it. somewhere but there was a dude that had. multiple personality disorder. and he had been diagnosed. and. so he started recording himself. and then watching it later to see to.

learn the personalities. because they're not aware of each other. so he was trying to. learn more about himself no [ __ ] that's. where I got the idea from damn I mean. I don't have multiple personality. disorder but. um but I uh. well. I remember multiple personalities were.

plot to be perfectly Frank. felt like it did. I felt like I was so different from day. to day. that that's what it wasn't just being my. own therapist it was. like. I wanted to see the difference in mood. and the difference in temperament and. everything. um. and dude when I when I watched him.

I actually forgot why I had done it. until I had to re-watch from the. documentary. um and then the first one when I. rewatched it I said like. so I'm sick of [ __ ] therapists so I'm. gonna be my own therapy like I like say. it all out in my car like I think God I. did that because now I you know I had. forgotten. um. that's just weird man it's weird but. again it goes back to. nothing's easy like if you want.

something done to your standard not done. right to your standard you got to do it. yourself. like with my arm you know with anything. medical I learned. dude you are your own patient advocate. like no one is going to take better care. of you than you and you just have to. accept that and accept it. everyone has their own lives and they. may have jobs to help other people but. ultimately if you want to solve your.

problem. you're gonna have to do it yourself. I mean you can get help but you're the. project manager. damn dude. that's a [ __ ] damn good message I. think that's the problem though if you. think about it. you know. like. the VA it's like. I mean you can get help a lot of places.

um. but you can't there's. there's no project manager overall you. know what I mean like hospitals if you. go see a doctor for whatever and then. you go to another hospital that doctor. doesn't call the other doctor and go uh. Hey when we did surgery last year I. noted no no they don't talk. you need to convey it yeah you know. um. I mean it's obvious when you say it but. you just don't you don't think about it.

you know when when you go see a. therapist and then you go see another. therapist. okay maybe they get a page of notes yeah. that means nothing. plus a therapist all a therapist knows. is what you tell them. that's it. by definition. maybe some other notes from a therapist. but. that's the other problem is. let's say you told a therapist.

and nothing against therapist I have a. therapist who's awesome I love her she's. great. um and I see her well I should see her. every week I see her about every two. weeks. um but she's great. so I'm not against therapy. um. but so let's just say you had. an issue and let's say. you know let's say it's a battle just as. an example. if there was.

a video and not like a drone feed I'm. talking like a movie version. of your story. of of a battle. told in depth in real time. not in Cuts in real time let's say the. battle was seven hours movies [ __ ]. seven hours. if a therapist watched that. would they s with what they know what it.

was like to be there. no not even close. not even close. but they don't see a movie. they get a five minute conversation. like. they'll never know. and you have to accept that they'll. never know. and it's not their fault they're not. capable of knowing. you know.

and you're the only person who knows. you're the only person who will ever. know. accept that the people that were there. with you and those people's perspective. is different. it's not the same. you know for me a big part of. a big part of everything. was just. just letting go of control.

I don't control anything literally. anything. plus sometimes therapists love to say. all you do control your way you feel. towards something. no you don't. no you don't and I can prove that. you're with the girl for 20 years. married. and then one day you walk in and hey.

I've said some things about women. you're a girl. a really hot one. and you're married to this dude. for 20 years and one day you walk in and. he's having sex with another girl. don't get upset. control yourself. you can control your mind. yeah we have some control but to say we. have total controls just. not true.

we don't control. our emotions to the degree. that people would like to think we do so. all we have a little bit of control over. is. how we feel about something how we think. about something how we react to. something the only thing we have a. little bit control over. and we don't even have full control over. that. so. [ __ ] it Michael.

what does anything really matter. I mean honestly and I'm not saying that. in a nihilistic negative sense. it's just let go Luke. quote Star Wars one of my favorite. movies of all time it's just. the quicker you just let go of trying to. control things. the faster you'll be happy because you. control nothing nothing. everything I try to control. caused misery because it was impossible.

and then. then I was upset that I couldn't control. it didn't turn out the way I wanted how. many plans in your life have you made. and then they don't turn out the way you. want then you get upset. as if you ever had control that in the. first place. so for me. you know. I just have to accept that. with everything like. I'll never be fixed. and that's okay.

I think searching to be fixed is by. definition uh. you can't go back. you know once Pandora is out of the box. it's out yeah it'll never go back in. how many guys I've heard this so many. times and don't get me wrong I said it. too. if I could just get back to who I used. to be. it's impossible. because you've experienced you will.

never get back you cannot go back to. ignorance yeah you can't you know it you. experienced it happen whatever it is. you'll never go back the only way. forward is to go you know what. I'm here now and I'll be comfortable you. know with that you cannot relive. experiences in life and expect the same. type of. experience. just doesn't work like that no and and.

but that's a critical point that. actually. when I really. one of the first. steps towards me getting better. and don't be wrong I'm still in that. case no question like. I have a ton of issues I like to put. that out because like everyone's like oh. you seem to be doing well. yeah because I like. you know I'm good at juggling chaos but.

there's a lot of Chaos. but the one of the first things that. really was a big step forward was me. just realizing that I couldn't go back. to the old me. just letting go of that the old me once. I did that it was like I'm I'm not gonna. try and get back there I'm just. all right let's let's start over. that's when I started to build a new.

identity and a new and not build a new. identity but who am I really. let's figure it out instead of trying to. get back to the old one let's let's. figure out the new one. and you're 100 people in your lifetime. you're never the same day to day yeah. every day is different than the day. before. and again.

I mean I've been working at this for. a decade. I'm at the point where I can talk about. it and I can talk about what I've found. that work for me personally and I can. say it and hopefully it can help get. people on. the same or a track that works for them. but again I don't want anyone to. like. I am not fixed and I don't think fixed.

I mean what does it even mean but I. think it's always it's just like life in. general it's work every day. that's what it is yeah you know but we. like to think that there's an end state. where you're done no it's well I think. the end state is. happiness right. that would be the that would be the goal.

yeah it's definitely the goal I think. that. I think I'm still like. the longer I go the more I realize. you know how backed up my browser.

history is. you know what I mean like [ __ ] man I. gotta clear more [ __ ] you know. um. well it's just you know it's fine. um. but it goes back to too you talk about. happiness and. happiness can only be ever felt in one. moment. present. that's it. yeah and you know for me.

you know. and I think for a lot of people. especially in the community like. I know personally that I'm happier. climbing the mountain than I am at the. top. it's the journey that's interesting yeah. you know. once you're up there there's only one. thing to do. let's go back down. denture is over.

you've already been that way. very true. the reason I say that is when you said. the end State being happy I was thinking. about it and I'm like. that's the Mountaintop for me. you know. I think I like. working towards it more than. you know just being Zen and being like. I'm happy.

I agree with you I think that goes back. to when we were talking about. looking for the next best thing yeah you. know yeah some people do get to the top. and are happy they're able to enjoy. stop and and enjoy it and. then there's the other breed where it's. what's the next best thing all right I. guess and you know I see that with guys.

in our community I see that with. High successful highly successful. entrepreneurs you know when's the last. time you celebrated any of your. successes. ever uh are you you're you're saying. I've had some. absolutely yeah again super dry sorry I. was in. there's a joke of no I haven't. celebrated I didn't know I've had some. um no I yeah.

never I've never celebrated anything. um yeah. I remember One Moment One Moment. it was quick uh but I remember when I. joined the Director's Guild because I. used to drive by it it's on Sunset in. L.A I used to drive by it and I'd always. be like one day. one day I'm gonna go inside there I want. to be a member and I remember after I. signed the paperwork and well I was. there in person and then I laughed you. know I like signed my official.

membership and everything I was riding. my motorcycle through the canyon and it. just has like. it happened. you know. and it was. it was a great. three to five seconds it was amazing. but on that note I'll mention this. because. I mean it's related and that is. it's crazy how many things too that.

were like dreams as a kid. and. argument oh I'll say it as an example. like dreams you want to do as a kid that. you you couldn't do or whatever you're. like one day. and then like. one day being now you realize like. I can do that. I can do that right now but you haven't. because it just hasn't occurred to you.

you know what I mean like for me like as. a kid you know the rich people when they. went to Disneyland stayed at the. Disneyland Hotel. obviously that was not my family. I don't know how they afforded to go to. Disneyland probably. sold blood plasma I don't know but um. you know my ex and I were going to. Disneyland. just I'm like. let me run with the Disneyland Hotel. like back and forth you know you know I.

was just like and then I was there and. I'm like. [ __ ] how many other things. have I always wanted and I just. I can do but I. and weren't comes from now no it's just. I never felt worthy of those things so. easy even though I can do it now. I just don't feel like I deserve. so again it's been a process to work. towards to.

to go. like I bought a sports car. what'd you get uh BMW I8 nice dude it's. pretty sick. I bought it. I don't know why it's kind of. it just sounds like [ __ ] it. and I've always wanted a sports car. but I was like oh no it's a waste of. money it's frivolous whatever.

and then I bought it. and now. every day when I drive it. I love it every second I'm driving that. car. I don't want to say it makes me happy. but I enjoy it. that's on one level the other level that. I've realized is. the better I treat myself. the more I feel that I deserve it. really. and that is a trick that.

generally goes against what most people. say. if they don't have that fundamental. issue it'd be like dude you know don't. waste your money on X Y and Z but now. the better I treat myself. the. you know like a hotel like. where did you learn that. did you just come up with that I I. accidentally. stumbled upon it just recently too I. mean dude like what was it what was the.

Epiphany uh it wasn't the car I don't. know it was like. what was it. was either staying somewhere you know it. was something expensive and then I felt. guilty about it and then but I was also. like. no I've worked hard I deserve this. and then that kind of turned into. regardless of how hard I've worked I. deserve it regardless like I mean if I.

can afford it which obviously does come. from hard work but you know I'm saying. it's like. like dude I I got I would get a gift. this is my ex my ex got me a Gucci. wallet. um the Entertainer X got me a Gucci. wallet I hope she hasn't listened to. this I'm just gonna. um. you couldn't come up with any other name. um she might be busy entertaining and. well she is busy entertaining her two.

kids. um. and. but she brought me a Gucci wallet. That Gucci wallet sat in my closet. for years. for like. years. because. like I mean at the time I was like I'm. not gonna. I'm not gonna carry I don't know it was. like a 300 wall that's ridiculous. it was like on the surface subsurface.

was that's too nice for me I'm not that. way. you know what I mean like. that's the kind of person to have a. designer wallet and I'm not saying I am. now like I you know wearing jeans and. Solomons. um. I'm not wearing it now but I you know I. bought a really nice watch you know what. I mean so it's like. still be you but you know. you have to treat yourself well in order.

subconsciously to feel that you deserve. to be treated well if you don't treat. yourself well. who else will or well if you don't treat. yourself well who else will. and um yeah that was just. accidental. um. and that's counter to. you know I used to I know you heard the. podcast I did with John but that's.

counter to the self-destructive behavior. of. you know. I will grow by destroying myself yeah. um. and it's just you know. we talked about it earlier but I want to. say it on camera which is. when I first was aware that I had like. some issues. um. you know I was like I went to therapy. and they're like okay this is the issue.

PTSD okay. and then. didn't agree with that and so then I. you know. did other things and then I was like and. then I actually found issues like this. is an actual issue. this is an actual issue okay. and kept researching and then I'd be. like. oh that. has another one. and then. dig some more.

now here's another one. problem is when you've. you know when you're a quote unquote man. I'm all [ __ ] up. I've got problems. like. should I bet I had it my worst 100. problems. and they're a hundred project problems. they're not a to-do list like turn out. the lights open the can no they're. projects complex problems.

um on that note I'll say this. you see therapists what are they dealing. with. they are dealing with you talking. that is not the brain. that is you giving them information them. taking that information processing it. going through their schooling and then. regurgitating it to try and you know. generally change your perspective and.

heal your conscious thinking on a. certain subject. but again. that's not physical. so you've got therapy which is talking. but. isn't the brain an electrochemical. machine. yeah. anyone by the way anyone who doesn't. believe it take acid. yeah yeah you'll know real quick that uh.

that the brain is uh that chemicals can. fundamentally change reality all right. anyone who disagrees with that take acid. let me know how it goes. um. so now you got chemicals we got a. chemical balance or an imbalance but. your Baseline chemicals [ __ ] I don't. know. well does a therapist test those. no who does.

yeah you'd have to find somebody you're. the project manager but that's my point. what about your hormones. that's separate than brain chemistry. that's hormones endocrine system. well. uh I don't think your hormones you know. had a guy tell me like I don't know how. much your hormones regulate your like. your brain.

and I go I go I go are you married. he's like yeah I'm like. keep thinking about that. see if anything pops into your head and. he's like what do you mean you know and. I'm like. never mind I'm like every month anything. change. and he was like oh [ __ ] I'm like yeah. dude like it's pretty [ __ ] important. dude therapist or the brainpeople test.

for that no. no and they're all related it's like. having a car and saying that the. steering wheel works completely. independent from every other part of the. car. yeah. just we're we're so. we're just so basic in our. mental health care it's I I'm gonna use. the word and I'm fine with it it's.

[ __ ] pathetic it's a man [ __ ]. pathetic. it's really pathetic and. and that's not by accident. you know not to be a big you know. but it's not by accident you know the. the. our health care System I'm not shocking. anyone when I say this it treats. symptoms not diseases. there's no money in treating diseases. there's money in treating symptoms yeah. and I'm 100 Worthy on that and so. therefore you know.

um. you've got so many symptoms and you've. got 100 diseases and you have to. you have to figure out what they all are. and you have to cure them. in in two ways you have to cure them. partly at the same time and partly it's. like you have to be aware of everything. but focus on one at a time. but you have to be aware of everything. because. they're all related they're all. they're all happening in real time in.

the same system your body. yeah. and again I'm not a scientist I'm not a. doctor. well that's not exactly I don't. pretty logical that's how the Body Works. you're making a whole lot of sense. it's. and where did I learn this from. dude myself I've [ __ ] up everything. like dude I went to a hormone doctor. after I got a you know years of.

surgeries. I was like man I just don't feel like. myself so what makes myself what makes. my mood read some books you're like. hormones I'm like hmm I'll go get my. hormones tested. I go in there the doctor goes because uh. and this was before it was like the. doctor's like uh yeah you uh. yeah your home runs came out interesting. dude I I kid you not my testosterone was. like seven.

oh man dude it was like almost nothing. why well dude I was I went from freaking. working out twice a day you know to. doing nothing for you know three four. years you know couldn't work out. um you know all these different things. all these different reasons. um also you know the. there's the whole field of research. which I'm not well versed on but I hear. from many people Marcus Capone being one.

of them. um you know dude blast wave effect on. uh your uh what is it the hormone the. gland uh thyroid and you know all these. different things you know about reducing. the the ability you know of your body to. produce certain hormones and all these. things. all I know is I did the test and that's. the number and he goes. yeah we should definitely fix that and. then. like I start to balance my hormones.

night and day different nine day. different. and I was just like dude like. this should be everyone should know this. yeah you know. um. and it's like that with everything you. know. you're. brain chemistry your just it's all. related and to a degree. you don't have to know it in depth so. you don't need to be an expert on it. um. but it's like you know if your body's a.

car. you should [ __ ] read the owner's. manual yeah you know like. I'm not saying you need to be a mechanic. and know how to replace your freaking. you know your engine. but you should understand how a car. works and you should know your car. um. because it all works in unison and you. know it's uh. it just it's just a long been a long.

process of. and again like I said The more I dig the. more I'll give another example. I go to that the Warrior's Heart. and you know I'm listening to. you know all these different classes and. stuff and. you know I was like one of them was. without question they started talking. about codependency. and I was like uh.

[ __ ]. if you are a veteran. read what codependency is because I. think a lot. of veterans are codependent. grew up in a codependent household one. or both parents being codependent. and you become codependent and. nothing is more there's no more of a. codependent system than the military.

have you read anything on codependency a. little I that got brought up a lot in my. therapy session so I know exactly what. you're talking about I there's a book. called codependent no more it's like the. Bible of codependency. if I can blew my mind apart made me sad. quite honestly interesting what's the. name of that codependent no more I'll. need to get that I mean it's like the. first text really written about it. um and the woman if you get a new copy.

she kind of like does an update of you. know when she created it how because I. think she made the term but it's. interesting but dude it's like. just so much [ __ ] that I'm like dude how. did I not know this until now. I think the biggest takeaways from. talking to you. are. if you want to get fixed you need to do. the research and figure out how to fix. yourself yeah I think that is probably.

oh the biggest takeaway yes and and. you're right and I'm going to. uh. dovetail that onto something we talked. about earlier which I don't think we. talked about on camera which is. a key piece of. um doing that. is taking responsibility for your own. mental and physical care.

and not being a victim. that was going to be my next one. is. turn in word you know do some. self-reflection and figure out why these. things keep happening. which you know goes right along with the. do-it-yourself you cannot you know. the responsibility to fix you is not up. to the VA. it really isn't yeah. um I mean they can.

you know they have mechanisms to assist. but. you got to lead the charge you know and. uh. the other thing too is like. once you take that responsibility for. your own. your own mental health like. that in itself just that peace just. mentally empowering. because you're in charge you're in. control yeah you know.

um yeah I mean again. now. not fixed. but. I know I'm in charge. um. and I know that I'm going to learn more. things that are problems. and I know that there's a process to. research and then take action and. it'll be okay and don't forget to treat. yourself treat yourself nobody says that.

yeah nobody says that yeah and I know. it's true I started doing it too and. that's a big one I've never heard. anybody actually vocalize that so thank. you for doing that oh yeah no absolutely. it's um. yeah I think it's super critical you. know who definitely doesn't treat. themselves or you. the military. so you deserve it treat yourself and you. know don't justify bad behavior you know. like you know whatever but.

um but within reason absolutely and the. better you treat yourself the better. um. you know it's better you're gonna feel. yeah it's just the better you feel and I. mean it makes perfect sense if you're. not gonna if you're not gonna treat. yourself and you don't think you're. you're worth it you know to treat. yourself then you sure as [ __ ] aren't. gonna accept it from anybody else people. so people always say this you know it's. like you know you know. people don't get what they deserve or.

people get what they deserve or good. people who get what they deserve you. know all these different things and none. of it's true. there's a fact and and or my saying. which is a fact and you'll see why it's. kind of not debatable is. people will only ever get one thing. ever. and that's what they feel they deserve. you can never get more or less than that. because.

it's not external like what you get is. not you know it's always based on what. you feel you deserve that's what you'll. get. because if you don't feel you deserve. something it won't come and that by the. way is why bad people. get good things. is they feel they deserve it. so I get it. and then a good person's going. not realizing that.

the difference between them is that they. don't feel they deserve it damn. that's a good point. well brother. I really appreciate you coming on dude. I'm. um. it's been awesome it's been an honor. yeah same man I think. I hope um. I hope everyone got something out of it. and uh. um. yeah I'll be back if anyone who's paying.

attention got something out of this. there's no doubt a lot of people. probably listen to podcasts while. they're you know like you know. somebody's probably putting this on like. like oh Tyler gray guy talks a lot I'll. put him on you know that's better than. any sleeping meds I have so. um no thanks for having me on and uh. yeah appreciate man it's been awesome my. pleasure glad I finally made it out you. got anything coming up. um.

nothing no not pretty chill the rest of. this year which is. you know I I well I'll be the last thing. I say too man is I am guilty as [ __ ]. of overworking myself no question. um that's my. still my self-destructive. behavior that I. still justify. um. but I really need to to take a real.

break and. um so I'm not going to do anything for. the rest of the year again I'm trying to. get better but good for you man it's. just so easy to. be like. no I can't turn down any you know you. know it's like. you know you're weak if you like because. you gotta put yourself out there for. stuff to happen it doesn't happen in a. room freaking watching TV you know. um. yeah but. yeah so I'm actively trying to to take a.

break so nothing for the rest of the. year. right on man I was happy to hear that. yeah yeah. um anybody that wants to find you all. your links will be below we'll link that. documentary as well and and uh yeah. actually I have I uh yeah we have a link. for it uh now so yeah awesome and um hey. also I always say this well actually I. don't think I would say it but I'm gonna. start saying it. you know if anyone's.

I love when people hit me up on. Instagram and you know. you know if anyone's got like. you know a real like hey I I need advice. on this dude hit me up and. I will definitely not get back to you. that day but at some point. um I'll you know hopefully see the. message and you know uh I. you know I'll put my money where my. mouth is in that you know I like.

trying to help people. um. it's trying anyway for me to help. somebody. circumvent and. shorten the timing of how long it took. me to figure all that [ __ ] out like hey. like it's the least I can do well thank. you man hey there are a lot of gems to. pick up from this one and I'm seriously. thank you this is going to help a lot of. people awesome so all right man well. thanks.

[Music]. hey everybody I'm Sean Ryan click here. to subscribe to the Sean Ryan Show. YouTube channel for the hottest and most. compelling interviews that you will not. see anywhere else I've also made a. playlist of all the previous SRS. episodes so they're easy to find you can. find that.

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