Tu Lam - Call of Duty & The Way of Rōnin | SRS #110

[Music]. T Lam welcome to the show again thank. you it's good to have you back man it's. great to be back but um so you were. actually if I remember correctly you. were the last episode that we recorded. in the Attic of my house so things have. developed a little bit since the last. time you've been here ni and um things. have also developed quite a bit with.

with you uh since we've since we've sent. your last episode and we'll get into. some of that but I'm not going to give. you a full intro cuz you don't really. need one but just uh for the audience if. you didn't see his first interview which. I can't imagine anybody that hadn't but. retired Special Forces operator to one. of the top tactical trainers in the. country a Call of Duty character to. include being on the cover which we'll. get into and uh now.

author so you got the new book out the. way of ronin which will be coming out on. May 21st yes we'll probably release this. right before then uh just for what what. is the book about is it your life story. it's about my life story it is it is so. that'll be linked in the description so. everybody can go get a pre-order or if. you're watching this after the time of. the release just order it on Amazon.

please pre-order but uh yeah I can't I. you know dude I'm so honored that I got. one of the that's like the first copy. right you got the very first copy pulled. it out of your. mailbox interp and you were doing your. interview and I was at you know your. house with with Katie and Ruthie and he. asked me to walk walked all the way down. to your mailbox right literally that.

long driveway and uh it was there yeah. man so you got the first copy very. honored to have the first copy so I'm. going to need you to sign that yes and. then it'll get. framed and put into the museum that. we're building here but um so today's. interview is going to be I want to talk. to you a little bit about the Call of. Duty stuff I want to talk to you about. what inspired you to write the book you. know your life story story and get it.

out there and then and then what I'm. really looking forward to talking to you. about is we've both been on a healing. Journey since our last interview uh we. both. have gotten into psychedelic therapy. we've explored all kinds of other um. things that work and and I can't just. you went full into that and and uh you.

came out a new man and so I want to I. really want to dive deep into that but. first before we go any further and get. into the weeds uh I have a patreon. account they're are top supporters. they've been here since the very. beginning even before the podcast ever. even started and um so one thing that I. do for them is I give them the. opportunity to ask the guest a question. and so.

this question is from Greg and basically. what he's saying this is a long question. but basically what he's saying is he. knows that you train a lot of law. enforcement and what he's asking. is this kind of goes along with our EDC. pocket dump but what Greg is asking is. you're around a lot of law enforcement. you train a lot of law enforcement are. law enforcement saying that they are. worried about the uptick and crime. that's been.

happening are you getting any inside. gouge on on what those guys are worried. about and if they think crime is going. to continue to get. worse see you know training literally. Across America east to west coast I I'm. very intimate with you know SWAT teams. uh Street officers patrol officer all of. them Highway. Patrol um Counter Narcotics and I work. with a lot of task force and I tell you. the the main concern.

uh is they don't have the. support you know. political repercussions from doing their. job you know arresting a person. um they can lose their badge if they if. they shoot a person in self-defense. literally they can lose their badge um. border patrol you know they can lose. their badge if they forcefully stop uh. immigrants so that was the main concern.

that I saw across you know the the. police departments was that if they do. their job they'll be scrutinized yeah. now there would there was a few. incidents where officers on the side of. a road and they get. ambushed you know uh when I was in uh. New Orleans I was training their uh. Counter Narcotics teams in Baton Rouge. and we left New Orleans that that. morning and a cop got shot in the face.

are you serious yeah literally got shot. in a phase that morning as we were. moving to Baton Rouge because he was. controlling Street. traffic do I think there's uptick in. crime if you don't have the proper law. enforcement in place that can execute. their jobs you're going to have an. uptaken crime. MH yeah what so the so the biggest. concern for law enforcement is that. their legs have been chopped out from. under them they have no support from.

political figures they have no support. from their. leadership and depending on where. they're where they're working they don't. have any support from the local. community because they've bastardized. them you know do you. see do the do the police or the law. enforcement guys that you're training I. mean are they worried about an uptick. and crime what do they say they do now. that that I mean how do how are they.

I I couldn't imagine being a cop today I. could not imagine it but what what do. they I mean you see this happening all. over in certain states where where. department stores are just getting rans. sacked by thugs you know and and there. are States now I think that if if your. home is being. robbed if it's not a threaten it's not a. light threatening situation don't even. call the police they're not going to. respond I mean what are the cops doing.

now in place of you know what they used. to do which is fight. crime you know I work with some of the. best in the nation man and I tell you. the these are great Americans yeah and. you know yeah they they don't have the. proper support but they're going to do. what they do to protect their Community. yeah and I I worked around some of the. best and and I tell you like yeah you. take away their budget you take away. their support but these are these are. great Americans they're going to do what.

they do yeah regardless of your support. but it is a concern to me to me as a San. is that okay. so if police officers can't respond to. their Community because their hands are. tied budgeting Manning issues. whatever so who's going to protect us. ofans well that's kind of what I'm. getting at I mean I you. that's I nobody is going to protect him.

I mean it's it's a you know I think that. a lot of people are you know there's. that old saying you reap what you so and. I think a lot of people are feeling that. now especially the ones that are trapped. you know where they live that that had. that big you know the big defund the. police movement MH it's not working out. so good mhm better luck next time you. know and people people always say hey. I'll call the police okay so let's just. even talk about history the LA some.

everybody knows about so I'm going to. bring it up you know there were certain. portions of the city that was shut down. they like hey I'm not going to get to. you so these Koreans are on the rooftop. with guns trying to protect their. business from getting burned down. because they were told nobody's going to. come for you mhm so what about the svans. is what I say you know and and one of. the things I do is I train Sans I train. our law bying because cuz they need that.

help and they're the ones are going to. be the First Responders protecting their. family yeah and themselves law. enforcement yes that's your job you're. not going to get to them in time I tell. you that y. y touchy subjects man touchy subjects. but thank you for answering Greg on uh. my patreon so one last thing and then we. get into the weeds you this is probably. the only reason you came back here but. uh you know everybody gets a.

[Applause]. gift yes and uh I know you'll smash. those made in the Le made in the USA hey. they're still legal in all 50 states. it's been about 2 and 1/2 years since. you've been on and uh they're still. legal in all 50 states and these gummies. are bigger yeah they're like bulkier. they're like Commando. gummies but uh yeah you're welcome but.

um yeah so since the last interview. things have kind of blown up for you it. seems like and uh you were already a. Call of Duty. character now you're on the cover of. Call of Duty you got your new book out. the way of the Ronin and and I mean. things are just going really well for. you and and you. know before I just want to say you know. it's just nice to see somebody with a.

platform like you have that is still. a very good example to today's youth. thank you and I there's a lot of people. that have been on the show that I say. that to but you know I just I really. mean it and and when we when I look for. guests you know and we're going to do a. life story on them I look for somebody. that's going to be a positive example to. the world and. you just you have it man like you're a.

great example you have a great message. it's all about love and healing and and. it's just you're doing great things man. so thank you I appreciate that but uh. but Call of Duty. okay on the cover. yes how did that. happen man first is a blessing right. when when I say that working with in. award was a blessing it was really cool.

to to even experience that in a Lifetime. right to be you know doing motion. capture they put me in this tight suit. with these balls and you know literally. I go out there and I film right how to. kill people with weapons it's fun but. the thing is you know we were working. with them and we built a close. relationship with them um they scanned. me in the game at uh Modern Warfare 1. season 3 I came into the game. um and my character um was really.

popular when I say that it was the. number one downloadable character no in. in Modern Warfare and uh they called me. back to Hollywood and I was filming. Modern Warfare 2 right before it was. coming out and at that time they're like. too this is a ill-shaped intersection in. a hallway how would you you know attack. it you know and I'm like how many guys I. have two guys and I would you know clear.

the hallway the way I would you know. normally clear hallway and uh we collap. up her in her room control the room. dominate the room so they had all these. cones and and I would I would do these. drills and man I tell you you know I'm I. was. 45 at the time when I started filming. right and I tell you man like the older. you get like because they made me do. these. movements and I'm in this tight suit and. it's really hot in there you know and.

they got cameras all over me and they. have grid squares on this floor and you. have to perform these movements at a. certain grid square and you look up. these huge monitors it's a it's a. different world with your avatar and. they had this speed bar right and I and. gradually it will pick up the speed so. literally at one point I was. sprinting to try to keep up with that. speed bar and there a lot of a lot of. movements and um.

it it remind me back on the teams like I. would have to go through the shoot house. you know perform over and over and over. yeah we we did that and they you know my. character became really F uh popular and. the the vice president um wanted to do. something nice for me I guess you know. it was a totally surprise you didn't. know you were going to be on the cover. you know I knew but they didn't really. say it yet you know I kind of like okay. why are you giving me so much attention. and I would I would capture these.

movements uh and there was a certain. point where you know they after the. photo shoot so I had a photo shoot they. they redid my whole. costume uh what is really cool about the. whole thing Sean is like you know I'm a. really big samurai fan yeah and you know. I study Samurai philosophy and you know. it's it's part of who I am. Bido and you know Masashi mioto Ronin. you know he he. kind of influenced me to be a Ronan in.

this modern world what I'm saying that. is the teachings of five rings ISU rule. he broke down fire water Earth you know. ground he he broke down void these five. teachings that kind of gued me through. life infinity War so it was my. uh man it was my anniversary so my wife. and I we flew out to Malibu Beach to. hang out at this araban beach literally. r on the beach you know beautiful they.

actually filmed that movie. Spanglish really with Adam Sandler. literally right in the house that we. stayed at they modernized the house but. that was the house literally and we. would uh hang out on the beach and. Infinity Ward man they were in Hollywood. they drove out you know one of the guys. met me he he you know he talked about. the book of five rings he asked me a few. things and uh when they put my G my my.

character on the title in Modern Warfare. 2 Season 2 Season 2 they redid a whole. world around my. character folks we're getting closer to. the edge of collapse why because they're. hiding something something big folks are. fighting back and investing in emergency. food storage you should be too never get. caught off guard by unreliable Supply. chains like we have been in the recent. past with my Patriot Supply the nation's.

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15% Ronin so when I say that so modern. warfare they did a whole world where it. was a it was Japan right and it had the. teachings of the Five Rings in there wow. you know and and I tell you man like. it's very humbling to to think like you. know you know my story like I found. Bushido at a very young age you know I. told you that whole story on on the last. interview but now that that code of.

ethics a warrior man is being shared to. the world in the most popular view game. platform right and you know for me to be. my character Ronin but also to give. philosophy to the. world it's very that's amazing I did not. realize that you know something else. that I think is really neat that Call of. Duty did is they I mean they really it's. you it's your weapons that you designed.

I mean how many. weapons are how many Ronin weapons are. in the. game that you. use or your character just about. everyone I use they have created that. weapon which ones are they you know we. used um M1A uh that's on the game we. used the M4 um rifle that specifically. that how I would rig it up you know the. teams right we rig up our rifles a. certain way and they literally configure.

that rifle with the. camouflage uh my pistols it's your it's. your products though correct it's your. designed it is it so what they do is. their artists takes the original design. and you know through copyright and all. that they have to protect their company. and they will change a few things on it. but so my signature on my rifle is I. have a gold bolt with a with a dragon. symbol on it it's a nickel boron Bol but.

it's a gold bolt something I wanted. that's unique to me and it was certain. camouflage pattern and they put that on. the game that is really cool with the. Optics that I usually run very very cool. very cool you know the swords yeah so I. want to tell you these swords were. handmade for me by this blade maker in. Japan his name is Kiku Kiku has dude. he's like three years backlogged right.

we met when I was filming for uh the. History Channel knif for death he asked. me what sword would I like him to make. for me I asked him to make two Washi. Tashi sword wasi Tashi in the samurai. sword line is the so you have your. Katana which is a sword and your Washi. Tashi which is a short. sword motam Masashi wield the short and. the long sword he called him Heaven and. Earth. interesting so I.

asked Kiku to forge me Heaven and. Earth two Washi Tashi swords why I'm. saying is those Washi Tashi swords got. scanned into the video. game and that's what my character uses. to hack up. people so when I was doing motion. capture they had these uh Khali sticks. you know the Filipino one sticks and you. know when I wor Khali I I was in the. Philippines you know uh doing PSD work.

for General warer back down and training. their counter terrorist units and I. would learn Kye and KN fighting from the. Filipinos so here I am in motion capture. Studio killing this guy with two Ki. sticks doing Ki and that translated to. my swords on the. game very cool man very cool that is uh. that has to be I mean the video game. industry from what I understand is.

bigger than the music and movie industry. combined it's one of it's the biggest. entertainment industry in the world and. you are. on don't quote me on this but it has to. be at least one of the most one of the. most popular games in the world Call of. Duty the Call of Duty. franchisees everybody knows what Call of. Duty franchise. and and even me who I'm not a gamer but. I have played it and uh and uh just to.

see their version of you running. around doing your thing that has to be. just pretty surreal you know I share. with you the story man like so when I. was little I was really into GI Jo's. right so I read GI Joe comic books and. guess who's my favorite. character Storm Shadow the Ninja right I. was so drawn to Storm Shadow and Snake.

Eyes the two Ninjas if you guys don't. know GI. Joe somehow I became a. ninja in a video game right because when. they design my character he looks like a. ninja yeah he has an night vision all. that that's what what a ninja would use. nowadays right if yeah Special. Operations are ninjas yeah so the thing. is man they put a Ninja on the game but. back when I was young like I idolized. gi. Joe. somehow I became the modern dayj I know.

so you know it's just kind of funny that. is very cool man but let's move into. let's move into healing. so at the same time when you left uh I. think shortly after that maybe I don't. want to I don't want to speak for you. but we both wound up in a dark place at. some point in time and we both had found. and researched.

psychedelics and I think we both at the. end of I shouldn't say the end of our. Journeys because it never really ends. until it's over but um you seem to be a. new man now and I know that my healing. Journey continues to change me and so I. want to get into I think the book was. probably part of the healing process am. I mistaking. book part healing process so I I want to.

get into you. know what kind of things you've done to. heal your mind and your body and and and. to start with. that I'd like to I'd like to start with. your daily routine because you are a. very. disciplined individual you spend a lot. of time working on yourself both your. mind and your body and your family and.

um and so I'd like to you know I know. you have a a a rigorous meditation. pattern and and so let's let's let's. start with daily routine you know the. morning routine is the most important. routine and the reason why it sets up. the framework for the whole day and a. lot of guys we don't Place energy on the. morning routine or importance on it. because we are so reactive to our day. being proactive to your day sets up a.

mindset a routine a ritual discipline so. the morning routine is is not easy it's. not easy and I I I plan it so it's not. easy 4:00 in the morning is not easy for. anybody to get up I choose to get up at. 4:00 in the morning and the reason why. at that time is the brain is still half. asleep so you're still at slow brain. waves right so long as I don't spark my.

dopamine right release which is getting. on the phone right away turning on TV. stressing out where long as I don't do. that I'm still at that slow brain wave. so literally I get up at 4 o'clock in. the morning brush my teeth you know do. all I let my dogs out and I have the. Biomat right so then the Biomat. basically it grounds me so when I say. that is you ever woke up and instantly. you had anxieties. all the time yeah me too at one.

point so that's that's the nervous. system getting. taxed okay and what you got to do is you. got to really focus on your nervous. system not your thoughts your nervous. system okay so that's your nervous. system the anxieties so initially what I. do in the morning is I want to ground. myself so. meditation meditation is so important. because you're dropping that brain wave. to slow brain waves but you're conscious. and when you're able to do that you're.

able to kind of reprogram the. subconscious you're able to influence. that and that's the. program that's 95% of how your day goes. through the subconscious your program so. that's that's what I focus on first mind. so so you get up at 4:00 a.m. and you. get on this. Biomat and the Biomat reset your. frequencies I have to breathe into it so. basically there there is a breathing. practice that you have to do meditation. is a breathing practice for me my.

breathing practice is I I go off an old. Hindu breathing practice I have many. breathing practices but in the morning. what I want to do is I want to go into. deep inhales and long. exhales right and that's the Hindu but. with the Hindu is they roll their belly. it's almost they roll their belly on the. way out so when when you roll your belly. belly to spine what you're doing is. you're activating the. lower abdominal we breathe very shallow.

in our day in our upper lungs we don't. Breathe Right and majority of our energy. is stored within the solar plex area if. you just meditate breathe into it you oh. man I feel something here well that's. that's the anxieties and that's the. nervous system right so you have to be. able to breathe into it so if I do to. every single morning what am I doing SE. creating a habit I'm re reprogramming. every.

morning reprogramming every morning my. mind how long does this take you you. know I I started off um you know I'm I. try to be overachiever sometimes I start. off 30 minutes and I couldn't get. thoughts out it got louder for. me but I would sit there every morning. at 4:00 in the morning. man and I sat there for 3 years failing. every day thoughts dots would come out. but then I I then I think about is like.

how much stuff have we seen on the teams. like how you know like my background War. like how much stuff have I seen yeah. there's a lot of thoughts there. mhm so I let it man I just let it run. you know and there was a certain point. where my meditation practice caught up. the. skill and I'm able to let go of thought. and breathe into emotion that's how you. actually move energy so in the morning. when I ground myself out if I feel.

anxieties that's gone by the time my day. hits see if you wake up in anxieties. dude if you don't do anything about it. it drags on all day doesn't it and what. happens when you have anxieties it. attacks the nervous system it puts you. in a state of survival you're not. present you. know we talked about this yesterday I. believe and uh about meditation and some. of the you know I was doing great it's. pretty much completely fallen off.

and. and you know I when I was getting when I. felt like I was getting good at it it. was it. was somebody had at one point along line. had told me thoughts are like clouds. they just pass through and I could get. to the point where all of my thoughts. would pass. through and then I would go into this I. guess it would be a meditative state and. I wouldn't know how long I would be.

there and once until I came back to him. once I. realized it's kind of like a realization. for me like oh [ __ ] I have no more like. all the thoughts are gone that to me was. kind of like the signal like all right. you're you're done for today's today's. meditation is wrapped up you can move. about your day and then it kind of fell. off and I tried to get back into it and. and you know I don't wake up with. anxieties every morning but you know.

there are there's especially being a. business owner you know it's. it's things come up you know what I mean. a lot and as I'm sure you can relate and. and being a P public figure things come. up a lot a lot of hate comes towards me. also a lot of love but you know as. humans we gravitate towards the hate. it's just how we're programmed right and. so I'll get there and a lot of times I I.

I wind up in this wheel you know where I. cannot it's it's somebody's coming at me. or whatever it is and I wind up in this. wheel and I feel like by sitting there. not doing. anything it makes it worse does that. make sense and so I so I get frustrated. I I leave my meditation and I just go. about my day cuz that's it gets that off.

my mind rather than. sitting can you relate to that at all. okay so deeper than that thoughts. thoughts feel emotion so let's just say. you wake up with anxieties that's an. energy and an energy wants to stay alive. they it needs to stay alive and how do. you feel energy through thoughts so. let's say you feel anxiety as you wake. like oh man I got this meeting today I.

got to talk to this guy oh God I got I. got to take my kid here you know you. have a lot of daddy duties right you. have a lot of like life duties so that. attaches on to the emotion if I was to. tell you let go of thought and focus on. feel we have three. Minds we have um. thoughts we have a heart and we have a. gut the gut and the Heart can be trusted. the mind can't be so when you're hearing.

thoughts let it go and focus in. on. feel when I wake up and I have anxieties. right away I could feel it right and I. still have it sometimes today but when I. wake up and I feel it I than it because. I can release it now and literally it. takes me 30 seconds. wow 30 seconds 30 seconds to.

transmute that energy you can't kill. energy you can't just eliminate energy. energy is forever our soul energy right. is forever but what you can do is. transmute. energy transmute okay so let's go back. right go back in time where you had a. bad relationship right and she broke. your heart. mhm fast forward that a year later you.

don't care you don't even care Time. Heals. things so you transmute it through time. but what if I tell you you can transmute. it faster than that instead of suffering. for a. year you can transmute it with within I. don't know. minutes so transmuting energy is that. you got to feel energy so energy wants. to be felt. out you know look what everything I'm.

telling you Sean it took me literally 9. and 1/2 years to figure it out and the. green beray you know we're really good. at intelligence and understanding the. situation and what happened if the. situation the enem is. you you know we're we're trained how to. find fix and kill an enemy abroad but. what happened to enemies. you so you got to find the. patterns so the pattern was anxieties in. the morning okay patterns was uh. thoughts that control me throughout my.

day and thoughts are tied to emotion the. more thoughts I have the more emotions. I'm going to. feel so if I can let go of thought and. let that emotion pass like the. clouds then it doesn't affect. you you know I I. uh religion wise I'm a Christian I. believe in Jesus but I also believe that. there were great that walked this planet.

that taught us about God and healing and. stuff like that Buddha is won and Buddha. taught us about letting go but what if I. tell you I don't know how to let. go took me nine and a half years to. understand it. interesting what else do you have in. your morning routine so after I meditate. for now I meditate 2 hours two hours two. hours so SE is meditation because I know. I can program myself I'm not only.

working on programming around myself for. that day I'm working on trauma as well. you I have a lot of trauma you know so. yeah work on that so whatever energy. Rises I breathe into it and I let it go. through the Biomat so that Biomat moves. energy right so if I'm able to drop into. Delta brain waves and be total conscious. imagine if I'm injecting positive. affirmation into it so I'm hearing.

positive affirmation bypassing my. conscious mind and programming my. subconscious very. interesting so is it 2 hours exactly of. meditation yeah I set a timer okay okay. mhm I set a timer and usually why why I. do for two that's long meditation and I. like long meditations now cuz I'm my. practice is there for it but when I. first started it was 2 minutes 5 minutes.

if I can. just not talk to myself or think and now. I I can go up to two hours without. thought wow wow so after meditation then. you know I I uh I go upstairs and I. change into my workout outfit I got a. gym downstairs and I start. cardio cardio in the morning is so. important because what it does it it it. it moves the left and right side of your. brain if you're doing alternate. movements like stair stepper if you're.

walking if you're running the alternate. movements the alternate movements it it. pulls you into the present moment right. that's why like cardio and also cardio. is great in the mornings because I do. what's called fasting cardio so the. older you get what your metm slows down. right when you get off the teams your. metm is slow whatever your lifestyle is. for me so I fast I start fasting around. 6:00 at.

night so no carbs and no sugar at noon. carbs and sugar if I was to consume it. in the morning carbs I consume in the. morning and then around noon it's just. protein and vegetables nighttime Pro no. carbs no sugar so when I wake up in the. morning I'm deprived of what I've been. fasting so I'm deprived of carbs and. sugar mhm and I hit cardio right away in. a fat burning Zone man burn straight to. your fat nice you're not burning sugar.

you're not burning through carbs nice so. cardio in the morning so after I do. cardio in the morning usually you know. it's long. cardio and I don't listen to music I. either don't listen to music and I'm. just trying to be present with quietness. or I listen to podcast is that improves. me or I listen to philosophy or I listen. to lectures about Neuroscience I listen. to something that improves me as a human. being religion God I listen to all that.

in the morning because in the morning is. about. positivity and and after cardio um my. cold plunge so after you induce all that. uh inflammation right uh cold plunging. gets rid of inflammation you know. inflammation can lead to heart attacks. right so uh cardio weight training it. causes all that so what I do is I co-. plun I co plunge for 5. minutes you cold plunge for 5 minutes.

yes I cold plunge for five after like a. minute and 45 seconds from me my body. goes numb and I'm you know I'm fine but. that first you'll hit fighter flight. when I say it as you'll hit. survival where you you you know you feel. like you're going to die like your mind. is going to say hey get out right and. that's what you want you want to push. through that because on the other. side resilience in other side it's like. dopamine release in a positive way so.

imagine so I co- Plunge at five five. minutes and then I get out and I don't. jump in a hot shower I let my body warm. up itself so I'm shivering okay as I'm. eating breakfast and I eat a healthy. breakfast and I go to work right so. that's that's my morning what do you eat. for breakfast you know a healthy. breakfast. um just a steak eggs you know when I bow. right um just because I'm in Hollywood.

now I have to keep a certain image uh so. I have to eat a certain routine yeah. right yeah so how long how long does. your routine take before how long are. you spending on yourself before you go. to work 4 to 9: 4 to 9 so 5 hours of. self that's just in the. mornings very interesting and then I go. to work right and um you know. fortunately I get to work my wife and. stuff like that so go to work I handle.

all that and um I break out around 2 or. three and then that starts my weight. training. session got I do cardio in the morning I. got to do strength training now so then. my strength training just is about an. hour two hours uh hour and a half you. know when I say that stretching and you. know all that and the weight training. starts and then uh right before I go to. bed I preheat this infrared sauna you. it's a portable sauna M right I.

preheated to 170° for 30. minutes and I'm meditating it for 30. minutes that's a lot of. self-care you know a lot of self-work. man that's amazing yeah because I. realized at a certain point I wasn't. happy and nothing get made me happy like. when I say I so after the show you know. everything was going great because you. know I was growing in business I was.

growing but everything was. external I was working on myself to. meditation but dude you know meditation. can only take you so. far right and at that point I didn't. realize. that childhood trauma has a lot to do. with your current state of mental. health you know and I had a lot of. trauma I was born in War I genocide I. was left for dead for nearly 30 days we.

escaped on the boat refugee camps. parents divorce racism like I had all. those trauma before I even hit 7 years. old before even the analytical mind was. even developed it went straight to my. subconscious so why am I saying this is. because we have a mental health crisis. in. America right and we need to do. something about it and self-work helped. me veterans we've been at War for what. 20 years this 20 year war it's time that.

we heal our. country it's time we heal like I don't. think we healed out the Vietnam. War what. was so you've been on we when did we. meet was it it was about 2 and 1/2 years. ago correct like that it was about 2 and. 1/2 years ago give or take couple. months came on the show we release it. business explodes what. we both went and did a psychedelic.

therapy right around the same time and. um and I can't I think I went first did. I go first yeah I want to tell you man. like you were an influencer for me to do. it you went first so I want to remind. you so you know we had our interview and. you came back and you know you and I. became friends and you told me you're. you're thinking about doing that and I. remember one of your guests you know. kind of ran that uh foundation and you. went underneath that program and man the.

the episode You. release you know it help me right and. and also at that time I was interested. in it because my meditation dude it only. can take you so far seriously MH right. and you went you went to Mexico you came. back you you shared your experience you. and I we shared you know we talked on. the phone and uh you help me right. helped me get into the program you sent. me the link and.

uh I went to. Mexico cuz of. you and I I to tell you man like I want. to share my experience about Mexico you. know I never did never never did when I. say that as I heard you know my voice. started turning against me I it was. telling me to do things and and that's. what happens there was a certain point. in that your nervous system gets so. taxed and anxieties are so much thoughts. get latched onto emotion thoughts and.

emotions are connected right so your. mind and body's connected so it has to. support whatever you're feeling and at. that point man I was I was. bad so here I am I go you know uh. literally I think it's right after you. and I go to. Mexico there was two Navy guys a marine. and uh. NFL you know uh he did a whole career in. the NFL you know so imagine the. TBI and uh Ian uh was the treatment so.

Ian is off of the aboga root from Africa. and what it does they call it the Tree. of Life the root but I began it had the. abilities to kind of remap our brain. right helps TBI helps uh it helps uh. trauma right it it is one of the most. aggressive treatments out there so I. went down there I loaded up on a van was. moving south into Mexico I don't even.

know what I was doing man I grabbed my. phone logging waypoints like in case we. made contact right with some drug cartel. and you know um and then we ended up at. the safe. house it looked like a CIA safe house at. least you know right on the beach same. place you. were and you know you sent me pictures. so I knew where you were. sitting looking at the beach underneath. you know the overhead so I knew I knew. what you were doing you know when I was. there. and and I tell you man like so I want to.

go straight to the treatment you know. you got doctors you got everything there. is legit you know it's in a safe house. and uh it happened at night so they. saged the area to get rid of you know. whatever bad energy and they they uh we. prayed we we invited God Jesus and love. and and man I I I took the Ian you know. and they had those little pills you know. and you know I'm really sensitive so it. hit me faster than any one of them right.

and I remember like the Navy guy was. right next to me and he had the huge. mirror like you talked about and my face. started shifting and I wanted to see my. face warp and bend but man I started. getting nauseous I started vomiting over. myself so I laid down right and I put. that mask I think I was the first. one man I I I tell you man like. everybody else had the this amazing. experience and.

all I felt was like [ __ ] pain and. misery for 15. hours you know the worst the worst I. ever felt and. um man it was a certain point where I. felt like somebody was like ripping out. my hair when I say that is you know I. had all these really negative thoughts. you know and it was consuming my mind. and I felt like some old guy like. literally I felt him like on my chest. ripping my hair out but he was actually. pulling out these negative.

thoughts and I. mean thousands hundreds of thousands of. thoughts it was all negative you. know and it started off with my military. career I could feel it literally as he. was ripping it I could feel thoughts and. emotion and it just all was just anxiety. like if I had a gun there I would have. ended it that's how horrible it was was. for me. wow and it you know every anxiety.

everything I felt loneliness every. everything just kind of rushed and then. um man you're so nauseous right like. under that you know any movement you're. so nauseous I'm vomiting and and the. things I'm seeing that's coming out of. me is. not it's not this world you know you. know it's it's evil stuff and um. dude at around 6 o'clock in the morning.

you kind of come to and literally I. could almost see the. Smoke On The Ground from us and all of. us are exhausted like we just went to. war you. know and man I started crying and I. wanted to vomit I remember that that. freaking stupid freaking African music. was going I had enough so I ripped off. all my stuff my all my heart bar I. ripped it all off I'm like ripped out my. IV I was done and of course the.

paramedics grabbed me and put me deck. down and um but dude I was done I was. worst off than I ever was the voices was. so strong. now me they uh they carry me two guys. carry me to my room they laid me in bed. the the the walls were moving everything. was. energy if I had a gun I would have ended. it. it was horrible and I man it was. horrible so then our mutual friend in.

Mexico came in and he's like you know. you feeling all right and I was like. no no I'm not good man and he said uh. well if it makes you feel any better sea. was worse off than you and I don't know. man I instantly feel better like oh. great you know I instantly felt better. I'm like really are you serious Sean. Sean was worse and you're like dude he. was a lot worse and I don't know I I I.

just felt. better I'm happy I could take a small. part in that um I was still in it for a. long time so they actually had to put me. down with some sleeping. pills I I I cried sleeping because I. didn't know how I can live like this the. voices were strong man like and that. energy was. dark. mhm so I fell asleep and I woke up the.

next. morning and I it looks like a scene out. of the Christmas. carol you ever you ever seen the. Christmas carol where he jumps out of. bed he's like oh it's Christmas day. right and he's all happy I jumped out of. bed and I didn't hear her voices anymore. and I opened up the window I'm rid on. the be I could hear the beach the wind. was blowing I was I was like oh my God. it's a beautiful day and I I. literally almost I ran outside I jumped. on the like I felt the.

grass and the palm trees and uh. Earth you know it was it was beautiful. but then that within a few hours I had. to you know smoke the 5mo DMT that that. toad Venom and tell you the truth I was. petrified of that toad Venom. stuff I was I was last in order so I'm. hearing every body outside you know it. could be loud mhm right it could be.

scary so it was kind of like the. gauntlet so I'm the last one I come out. and there's this big Stone frog looking. at me and you know he it looks like a. crack pipe and he hits it. and. handshake and he gave me full. dosage and you know like you I saw the. light and I came through and everything. became one. and and I asked to get hit again. again he hit me again I went back. through and and what I I would say I.

felt I didn't see anything people you. know say they saw all this images for me. I didn't see. anything the only thing I felt was love. man like love at a level that no human. being can ever love. you and I knew it was. God you know and I was kind of floating. out there because you you kind of lose. sense of your. body right you're out of your body and.

uh I felt gravity pulling me back to my. body at that point I was in so much pain. anyway so I. said I don't even know who I was talking. to talking to God really I was what the. [ __ ] you want me to. do what's my. purpose and clear as day you know it. came through me through like a thought. and say well you're the celebrity now. why don't you make your words.

count so um you know I've been trying to. make my words count ever. since do you think your words didn't. count before you did this cuz too you've. always you've always had. a very positive encouraging message. mhm I didn't talk about. God this is.

true you know there was a lot of Asian. philosophy and you know philosophical. martial art stuff and and yeah that. leads you to God and that's a. practice but I pursued violence at one. point you. know yeah I need to talk about God I. need to walk in that path of of that and. that's what I I came to realize you know. so I came down enter my body I cried you. know on the beach.

reborned well what's that even. mean so I come back home you know and. the thing about these treatments it. remaps your brain so you don't have any. more like negative like you don't hear. the voices you go into what's called. honeymoon State when you come. back like if you go on these treatments. you got to make sure you come back to a. peaceful environment or it can [ __ ] you.

up you. know I didn't come home to a peaceful. environment had to jump right into it. and you know for me that was the first. time that. uh man I just didn't know what to do. anymore right there was so the. trauma whatever happens it burns from. your frontal lobe right to your rear so. that you know coming back home and. having to deal with certain traumas man. you it can really mess you up and you.

know when I came home it really messed. me up it put me on man it put me on a. horrible. path I was worse off. now what do you want to go into what you. came home to no okay no but the thing. about that is. like everybody has you know nobody's. perfect mhm you know we made mistakes in. the past I try to write my past I. couldn't and and the thing the thing. is man it burns man it burns right into.

your subconscious after this treatment. think about it you remapped your brain. you came home and it I don't know if. it's a deeper scar but I tell you like I. was worse off than I ever. been and I want to tell you man like at. that time. business was. growing clients were growing my training. was. successful I'm a cover Call of Duty. photo shoots.

sponsors B was in. hell you know and I I put on a good face. right where spec offs guys were were. good at that putting on a mask so I did. I put on a mask I went out there and. smiled in front of the people inside and. I'm. dying I went to uh dude I spoke to a. thousand notics officer I'm standing.

there talking about motivation and. happiness inside I'm. not right even at the Vets Galla when I. was the keynote. speaker they asked me to speak so I'm. going to speak for the PE I'm going to. speak for us so we can get our treatment. I'm but dude I wasn't I'm not 100%. healed right so I'm being this person. that I wasn't healed you know and um. literally I was on a photo sheet for. Call of Duty in.

Utah and the very next day our friend. our neutal friend flew in to give me the. 5 Meo because I was that bad off the 5o. the toad V. MH so I came home man and he saved. me how did that. differ how did that one. this was this was the. actual real toad vetom correct d go.

before synthetic in Mexico was the. synthetic how did that differ for you. was it different anything that is human. or. man-made it doesn't have the God in it. the. spirit when you eat a plant it came from. organic root that was made by God God is. in all things so when when man makes it. it's not from God it's from.

man when I when I smoked the organic 5. Meo DMT from our mutual friend under. ceremony when I say that you got to open. up that space there's certain process to. do this in and you know messing with the. spirit world you don't want them you. don't want to [ __ ] around you want to. come in. protected so he protected me I.

uh man I I. died you know and I uh went through that. light again fell God cried came back. down came back up right so I did it. eight. times and uh what what you do is so the. 5 Meo is such a strong DMT it's very. fast acting. uh dude it clears energy So within our. energy centers right you got your.

chakras right very Hindu in in in uh. teachings but you got your Center Line. energy centers your root chakra you know. your heart chakra all these chakras and. what what happens is energy gets stuck. within our solar plexus you ever feel. tight around here Sean all the time all. the time right because that's that's. where the energy gets stored so that's. why meditation is so important for you. so it gets stuck right here so what am I. telling you your energy never even makes. it to your. heart so are you saying.

energy is it initiated in the gut well. that's where the trauma is so we want to. clear negative. energy you want to clear negative energy. so if this is negative energy that's. store in the gut you got to breathe into. the gut right and what I found is dude. that's so like you could be a meditator. for 15 years and maybe you get to 10% of. your trauma [ __ ] that I need to fast. forward this process so that's why. psychedelics is important can you go.

through the chakras do you know them all. you know you have to shoot uh I don't. know the name but you have your root. chakra which uh literally in your groin. area and you have another chakra in your. Naval and then your solar plex and then. your heart and then up in your um your. your upper lung area here and then your. throat so there's seven chakras M and. then you have you know the enlightened.

chakra to kind of over your head you. know cuz energy kind of drapes over like. a waterfall around you you know and. people tell me man I gosh I get so many. people tell me oh don't exist the energy. God. exists God is the purest energy and we. are just a ray of light that's connected. to the. source so your energy. so if if energy is stuck here you need. to know a practice of moving energy the.

Ancients our ancestors knew this. practice how do you think we get. disconnected from The Source that's an. interesting it's an. interesting way to put it that chakras. are aligned and that we are all energy. connected to the main source you we had. spoken about this yesterday but. you know Seine beautiful family you have.

a beautiful family man and I met your. kids and that that age that they're in. they're connected mhm they're not. impeded by trauma and the impurities of. this world so that's your chakras so. that's why you see a a child always. happy and playing and talking themselves. cuz that's the way we should be we. should live in that state of Joy but we. can't because we store energy here first. we don't know how to.

release if I say hey if that energy is. there Let It Go Sean. how Okay first second are you even. believe do you even believe that. everything is energy not everybody. believes that everybody sees this. physical world as it and you know what. you got a right to believe what you. believe but if you want to clear energy. you got to believe in energy right right. so if if it's here and it's imping how. can you ever your sinner vessel ever.

have connection to the. source you're impeaching it right. here in here through. thought so you can never hear the source. and you ever had your your uh okay you. ever had your son be. misbehaved and there's no no sense. talking to him right. then huh yes I have so what about Sean. who is angry and has anxieties and don't. want to sit still in meditation you ever.

think you're going to. hear the source no okay so you know is. in the Bible uh sit still know that I am. God God is everything but you have to. sit. still and that's goes back to. meditation you know people try to throw. meditation on me is like a religion. oh he's Buddhist no I'm Christian I. meditate it makes me a better Christian.

seriously yeah so yeah that's how we. lose to source and also our uh choices. we got free. will think about this man if if you. sustain trauma and neglect from Z to 7. years old in your subconscious mind. before you even can think and that's 95%. of your program don't you think you're. going to you're kind of behind in life. you think you're going to believe in. God unless you rais in a family that.

teaches you God in values what happened. you're not raised in that what happened. if your your background is about. survival MH it's different upbringing. right you think we have free. will that's that's a deep question so I. feel that God controls all things. controls all things you know and I think.

that we have free will in the choices we. make do you. choose the source or you choose uh. desire your desires your personal. desires which is for us is sin really. you choose God or you choose I feel like. that's our our freedom of choice it's. interesting you say that I've thought a. lot about this I mean it's one of the. what Paramount questions of of all. humans and Christianity and probably.

every religion do we actually have free. will and I've actually come to the exact. same conclusion I think the only thing. you can control in your life is whether. you believe and accept God or if you. don't that's it there's no other I don't. think there's any other Free Will mhm MH. and you're the only other person that. I've heard say that oh good talk to a. lot of people about this offline and uh.

cuz I think it's one of the most. fascinating questions. but you know I don't want to how did you. come to that. conclusion working on. myself you know I have a. choice okay so I'm going to geek out. here Star Wars right. Jedi and so after the Jedi war look I. don't even watch Star Wars but I I know. story line so you got these Warriors. these Elite Warriors that come back. after war and some of them they they.

reach a Ste point do you choose the. light or do you choose the dark. side and there's two. practices do you practice the light. which is spirituality God or do you. practice. Darkness right sin what what what do you. live in and it's kind of like the Jedis. right they come back and you have one. that's you know talks about Zen and. being focused and humanity and. compassion that other ones destroying.

the. universe when we got out of service the. team guys man we all reached a point of. I call it a distill point where you have. to make a. decision and I you and I have peers that. went down the dark. sign drinking and womenz where it Le. them used to Le them to suicide. and then you got guys like us who like. you know look we're not perfect but man.

we're going to spend the rest of our. lives trying to be at least right and. following the word of God so that's. that's the light and the Darkness and I. feel it's very like you know Star Wars. in in that you know analogy you know and. I see it in our peers you know when I. see my friends turn dark their eyes turn. dark you know so. [Music]. psychedelics though so then the 5 Meo.

DMT you know he really kind of gave me a. Band-Aid mhm but I I will tell you I. don't know how to navigate that so when. I say navigate is there's a certain. surrender that you have to do to these. psychedelics and at that point in the. game I didn't know how you know before. we move on that's a great point. because when you for me.

included I don't know anybody that. hasn't faced the death experience and. not everybody that I know had a great. experience on both Iain and five but. especially the. five. um it takes. a it takes a lot of courage to Will ful. die takes a lot of. trust I.

mean how did. you I feel like you don't get a full. breakthrough unless you have the courage. to die and I think a lot of people that. go and they're hoping to get healing. from five don't have the courage to let. go and die and it and I don't say that. lightly I'm not calling anybody a you. know a wuss or scared I mean it's.

it's it's the most frightening. experience of my life because you in. your own mind you are you are dying. there is you are. 110% certain you are dying and it takes. you know it takes some people a long. time you know to. actually have a breakthrough on five and.

some people break through on the first. time like like I broke through on the. first time but I let myself die what was. it for. you. that did you willfully die not at that. point and I didn't know how to. die so then that happened and then you. know being at the Scala being the you. know keyot speaker man it it introduced. me to that Community MH like I got the.

best healers in the world I got you know. right there meeting him and one of the. guys that I met you know I'm going to. secure the location um because it's uh a. very close-knit community of spec ops. guys and they have these safe houses. that we go to around the world that I. don't want to expose location but there. was a guy I met and and uh he. was he was a Healer using uh.

wuma what is wuma wuma is a masculine. psychedelic. Cactus right so you heard of. adasa so adasa is a vine in the Amazon. and like I said each uh psychedelic or. each plant has a. spirit it has a spirit so when the toad. enter your body that was a spirit. entering your body it feels different. right.

so the feminine plant of alaa from the. Amazon Vine it's a feminine teacher so. they call her grandmother and what Cha's. grandfather plants so you know in the. healing process a grandmother how would. she heal you she'll yell at you and be. mean to you really but she'll end up. loving you she loves you and then. grandfather sit you on his lap and say. yeah I too messed up man and it's going. to be okay so a. compassionate psychedelic plant so wuma.

was found by natives uh when I say that. you know during the expansion West um. they're wiping out Native Americans and. they're you know killing generations of. them and there was this uh story of a. female she was uh in the desert and you. know she was dying of De ation right. she's running away from the westerners. who wiped out her.

Village and uh she was illusional and. then she saw this Cactus and the cactus. said drink. me so she did she cut open the cactus. and you know and she saw. Visions right and the vision was take me. back to your people and let me heal. you so for Generations this practice has. been healing. natives I mean think about the trauma. they've been through MH so the Healer.

that I was introduced so he's a white. guy long white hair he looks kind of. like Jesus you know skinny guy you know. um but the natives go to him as the. Healer so this guy's legit he's known. around the. world here he is my. friend so you know I I uh went to do so. I've been doing what Chima nine times. now right so you you drink uh so there.

is this Cactus and they they brew it. into a tea right. uh under the full moon so there's this. whole ceremony behind it and everything. so they brew it under full moon and and. then I drank like three cups of it so. they open up the ceremony we go to this. Retreat you know that's Bose location. and they open up the ceremony with clear. into space only invite God Jesus love.

you know he opens up the corridor and. that's really important because you and. I okay if I was to say analogy wise you. and I are sitting underwater we're all. underwater and you know things move. underwater and things brush up against. you there's always things in this empty. space it's not empty if you believe in. energy right. so we we drank it the the the cup he. basically Clos off that space so. negative energy can't get into this.

space and what it does it it it's so. better like this Cactus dude it's one. it's nasty stuff right it's just really. B but the bitterness what it does it. stirs up your lower abdominal stirs it. all up right and there's a certain point. where it goes up it goes up right into. your uh your solar plex area and then it. bottoms out basically it drops out and. your heart.

opens right it's really weird like when. I say the heart opens if I always. describe it the heart is the biggest. mind the biggest muscle when I say that. is energy-wise the heart produces more. power more energy that radiates out from. this chakra than any other. chakra they they they when you what is. the feeling like I mean when you we've. spoke pretty in depth about a blocked.

heart and uh I remember talking to you. the first time you came back from doing. Cactus. and I have very suppressed emotions. mhm it's hard for me. to how do I say this I I feel like I've. become my heart has become. callous and it's very rough and I don't.

feel a lot other than. anger and I'm not saying I'm angry all. the time but that is it's like I'm. missing emotions at some point in my. life I had lost the ability to feel. certain. emotions and you know I do feel. gratitude and I do feel happiness. I'm not going to lie it's it especially. gratitude is is it's not.

often. and it's far and few in between and. um so when you say that the heart. unlocks are you feeling all of these. emotions M no what I feel is I the heart. is outside my physical body it radiates. the energy radiates outside I can. actually feel the heart energy radiating.

outside my body okay so heart. opens so the the whole thing about this. whole treatment right so it's not just. the what hold on is it like an. intuition like you feel the energy going. out is it love is it gratitude like is. it rage releasing like what is the. feeling expansion of the heart expansion. of the so would you say it's in if I was. to feel my heart imagine that expanding.

past your. body no love not not not any emotion. just you just kind of feel it growing. okay like imagine a heart getting bigger. but the energy radiates outside a body. okay right so then it goes okay so now. you open up your heart chakra that that. bitterness dropped out so now those. emotions are going to start going up up. right so all your suppressed emotions. that you push down into the lower root.

chakra now it's going to start coming up. and imagine it hitting your. heart so the practice in the Hindu is. that you got to go into you got to find. a Ste point so Ste point is on a deep. inhalations and long exhalations you let. go of thought and you focus on the feel. there's no thought there you're just. feeling that emotion and you breathe.

into it and you roll your belly right. and once that medicine drops out I would. tell you there's a certain point on the. Deep exhale that the body takes. over so if you know those vacuum bags. and you you know you pack clothes in it. and you you suck out all the you know. air for the vacuum well imagine when. you're deep breathing there's a certain. point. with all that all that oxygen getting. sucked every portion of your lower like.

you feel. it. leaving so what you're doing is moving. energy at that point in. my knowledge of the cactus energy start. moving so literally it it is energy it's. a surge of energy it looks like a a bolt. of lightning right so there was a. certain point where I would lay there. and I would sit straight up up because. that energy just locked me straight up. right and it'll slam me back down in the.

ground and it it rotate my shoulders. right and know pull it looked kind of. like the ex but totally not I'm. conscious mhm. and it was slam me back down to the. ground and there was a certain point. like throughout my practices I would say. about my six time I was. in um I knew how to control. energy so as this energy surg I would. move like Jiu-Jitsu I would just move. and play around with the.

energy right and then there was a. certain point where I found my steel. point where energy just mov me through. you and you're sitting it's almost it's. like a mountain and wind right blowing. through I felt that and energy was. literally just moving through my. body right and uh dude I want to tell. you man like at these treatment centers. dude I had a damn neck red Squadron. operator I had a c Squadron operator.

from the unit I have my ex-teammate. these are the baddest dudes I. know on the planet like this group in. these units and they're. there they're there man like trying to. find. God and you know I you know I know you. and I we talked about this do you think. it's a coincidence that you and I are in. the same journey and every Warrior that. we know that was worth a [ __ ] is on the. same. journey I told you like if God if if.

there's a holy war wouldn't God wake up. his Warriors. first and I'm seeing these my peers. there and dude they're. petrified this red Squadron damn neck. holding a cross shaking because we're. about. to drop in so dropping in is when we are. in this room and we're all meditating. together and when you get the same. people in the same room in the same.

frequency. breathing it changes the game right it. moves. energy so there was a certain point man. that um so I want I want to say this was. my seventh. time it was telling me I needed to go. deeper going deeper is inhalations and. exhalations. all the way to your. abdomino and I I exhaled out and I had. no more.

air and I heard the voice tell me to go. deeper when I say the voice is the. cactus it's a spirit and you don't hear. a voice you just know. mhm what to do you don't hear anything. you just have a feeling it's like a bird. had a feeling how to fly when he kicks. off the nest the mother didn't teach him. how to. fly right I just had a a feeling to go. deeper it got to a certain. point where I had no more air and it.

said go deeper so I knew what it. meant he was tell me to. die can you imagine like inhaling in. your nose and exhaling out to the point. where you have no more air and you. continue to go until you die or pass. out that's what it's telling me to do. to. die. and man you know I'm at this treatment.

center. and I had my wife back at home and I. literally said goodbye to. her because I was going to. die so I got in man and they they got. all these uh tribal. instruments and what it does is they. play these tribal instruments when. you're breathing this Hindu practice and. it moves energy so vibration sound moves. energy it helps that it moves that.

trauma through your body and uh this. medicine's tell me to. die man so I inhale in and I got scared. so I exhaled out and and I'm like okay. okay I'm going to die now right I got. scared again so it took me a few rhythms. in order to say okay I'm going to die so. then I exhale out man if I was to like. put an image on it it's like we're free. diving Down Deeper deeper into the ocean.

and as you off gas right at some point. you start trickling right and you have. to off. gas you you can see. Darkness you know I when I say darkness. is dude I have my eyes closed we're on a. mask right but I can feel it MH. engulfing my my body and um. man I kept on. exhaling it I I got to the point where.

you can almost I I felt like I needed. urinate on myself like it I was dying I. was losing you know control of my body I. was going. there for the first time man I saw my. first. Vision what did you see well at first I. felt my. ancestors I felt.

them you know in the deeper I went dude. I saw the uh a garden open. up and I saw. Jesus and I saw Buddha and I saw. Krishna all the all the. saints it was exactly how I thought. Jesus would. look and I kept on going deeper in the.

hole and. um I. died when I said I died Miss man I I. exhaled out into the point where. uh literally I passed. out but what happens is the body. resets so there was a certain point when. I was dying I was dying and I kind of. saw divisions and the deeper I can go I. can kind of see more of it that. unveiling what's on the other.

side and. um your body reset so basically I I have. my eyes closed right so then I felt like. defibrillator hit me and it my. heart opened up again and um I was. breathing and then this time my body was. just shaking every trauma was leaving. right I hit that point of. surrender clear as day die.

again so I died again and my heart. exploded die again died again died again. I don't know how many times I. died and it got to a certain point said. okay okay that's. enough and uh I went what would you see. each was it the same experience every. time you died no after I died the first. time it was NE I. I just trigger now I know how to release. now I know how to release and my body. was releasing energy and everything was.

moving through me uh but that was the. point that was teaching me all this time. nine times it took me right it was. teaching me to. die and I was shaking and anyways I got. out I ran outside because you got to. ground yourself when when you say ground. yourself is you got to touch. Earth and um you know Earth was pulling. energy from my. body you know people that has gone. through this healing would know what. that feels like you know you're.

literally is pulling energy like the. Earth is absorbing yeah you're shaking. and it's pulling energy you could. literally feel it and that's the. trauma and I heard from the Healer this. is not yours to. keep it's the Earth give it. back you know we came from our dirt. and we will return to dirt our physical. body at least our soul is.

eternal so here I am now I know how to. release and then with the uh Biomat that. was there I move. energy and I tell you man it's like so. never I told you the nervous system get. taxed so imagine you're getting wind up. that's why they say oh your nervous all. W you're all wound up right and it. literally is your nervous system is. wound up so every time you're you're. shaking you're releasing you're. unwinding that nervous.

system bro I used to get up almost every. morning with. anxieties almost every morning and I you. know I'm a big disciplined guy still I. was. failing that's why you need the. Psychedelic because it speeds up your. meditation practice by freaking 20. years now I know how to do it. okay so then I went outside and I told. the uh the. Healer he told me to die and he he looks.

at me he's like uhhuh just normal like. that I'm like so I did he goes. [Applause]. uhhuh and I'm like what's that mean he. goes well actually that's an old Hindu. practice yogis used to to do the same. practice without being on psychedelics. can you imagine right now you're sitting. there off gassing until you pass. out it's so painful right here it's so.

like uh like drowning you know that pain. you feel in your lungs yeah that's the. pain I felt as I was dying taking my. last. breath so man I I died and I died again. and then I started. seeing you know our M your friend he. always I get to download too. you know I don't I don't even know how. to take. that.

besides I am. connected do you think you'll do it. again yes so you know one of the things. I do is you know I have a lot of work to. do still thank you for saying I gone a. long ways but I have a long ways to go. still uh I sit in the spring and. fall with with. Chima as the sakras are blooming in the.

spring I would sit with the. medicine and as the Le turn colors in. the fall I would sit with the medicine. and I do that because it's very Samurai. right but literally that's the time I. need to process and train because the. medicine teaches you you take it back to. your everyday life then you come back. and teaches you another lesson and you. take it to your everyday. life okay so now I knew how to die and. surrender so I thought that I knew it.

all I thought the medicine taught me. what it needed the thing about the. medicine is the ultimate Kung Fu. teacher Kung Fu lesson seriously you. know when I say that is the Kung Fu. lesson is who who's. mightier than uh he who controls his own. mind is minder than thousand times a. thousand men and thousand that that's. old kung fu lesson and it was trying to. teach me. this but I already died so in my mind I.

won this War I know how to. release so the last day uh you know we. drank more Cactus than we ever drank. that day and you're on your third day so. your heart is fully dilated open so this. means you can drop in really easy right. really easy to that steel point I. thought I knew it all so I went in and. uh it was telling me to die so I'm like. okay my mind I knew my body was going to.

reset so I started off gasing and at the. point where your body. resets this time it didn't. reset I knew I was going to. die so I off gas again I'm waiting for. that body to reset and my man my lungs. were hurting like I had no more air in. trying to push push push and he wouldn't.

reset every time I would come out of it. my body would start shaking but I. wouldn't reset as in I Wouldn't Die My. Heart explode right so I'm like what is. what is it because the plant is always. teaching you. something like what are you showing me. so it. says go. deeper so this time I went deeper and my. ancestors showed up. again and they were in this venes we. call Ali this outfit the ceremonious.

outfit and my I feel like it was my. grandfather he told me to die and hurry. up because he's very impatient I felt. that so I off gas and then this time my. body wouldn't reset and I got to a. certain point. where I just couldn't do it. and I tried to kill myself like. literally I I really did but there there. was a certain point of.

Consciousness that I knew I have maybe a. little bit more in me so you know like. God is in everything. right so why not in. you so why we look at for everywhere. else when it's right. here you know and. um that's what the cactus taught me you. know and now apply to my everyday life I. I do stay away from the hard. psychedelics these days I don't need it. the hard ones is uh 5.

Meo you know chunga is I know I smoke. changa chunga is this DM fast acting DMT. but it just attacks you. different you'll feel this energy move. up your. spine you know your energy center you. know to clear that. energy um it's it's a. ride it's a ride but you know that's.

that's what I man that's what I've been. doing since our last conversation you. know and in between that working on. myself and also working on my marriage. you know like just trying to be a better. person for my wife you know. and you know I want to talk about this. man like when I was okay in your like. when I was in my 20s and I first team. the teams dude the. teams and I'm pretty sure it's some same. with the Navy like the a teams dude High.

divorce. rate right like oh yeah very high. especially young age on the teams very. you're always gone yeah in okan was gone. 10 months out of the. year right and um so you know when you. when you see the older guys on the team. man they're barely holding a marriage. together they're not happy a bunch of. Alcoholics right and you're just young. team guy like you don't think you're.

going to end up like them y you know and. I I uh you know I serve a whole career. you know on the teams and and I would. tell you like marriage was really hard. like because it's a lot like to be at a. certain level in the military it's got. to be about. you to sharpen that sword it's got to be. about you like to go to our training and. all that like you're always gone you. have to it's got to be if you want a. career or like you want to excel in that. it was about me and you know Ruthie she.

uh man she was a strong. girl you know like she put herself to. college she used to work at a gym as a. desk receptionist like she started from. the. bottom you know and as I deployed she. got her Master's. Degree you know and I I never even like. because I was so stuck in my own Lane. War Hate did I ever even like take time. to go wow you sacrifice a lot right so I.

I continue to do my thing and when I got. out I man I I hit my dark time and I. couldn't be. that that guy that you know I used to be. mhm I had to take a step back and man. she stepped. forward you know for me and uh you know. she has a mass screen business County. she built her company like. logistically you know I'm the face but. man she runs like she does all the.

background you know I couldn't do. without. her and as we uh when we first got out I. was going through depression I was you. know and for the first man for three. years she was in and out of hospital she. you know she had a lot of medical issues. she had a tumor that they found so a lot. of surgery man you just kind of see your. wife. like her health isn't all there and you. you realize it's all like temporary.

right so that kind of started changing. me in that aspect uh I wanted to be. better for my. wife you know how was your relationship. now after after all the. different Ventures you've taken to for. self-healing. oh man our marriage is the best has ever. been seriously you know financially. we're you know we're successful but also.

like to work with my wife like your. business partner and you know we respect. each other's Lane you know uh she. supports me in everything I do like. she's my best. friend you know and and man just to have. that moment with her every. day it's amazing you know and she's. amazing business person like we go into. these big business deals and these big. time CEOs and president big.

companies and she usually gets what she. wants you know well you know she's she's. honest and she's a good person and she. knows what worth but yeah she usually. get what she wants and she's the reason. why um well I'm better today right. because I wanted to be better but also. like. business is. her you know I'm I'm truly grateful man. I'm I'm so happy for you guys man you. are. a you're a new person and uh it's you're.

a lot happier I can see it I mean. there's a there is a peace about you now. that uh that I didn't see before and uh. just I'm really happy for you thank you. I appreciate that but um two let's take. a quick break when we come back I want. to get into. how the book helped you with your. healing.

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off all right two we're back from the. break we had just gone over your a brief. summary of your entire healing Journey. since we spoke or since you were last on. the show and the one portion that we. have not covered is is your new book The. Way of ronin and how that kind of played. a role in your healing. process it was literally after our last. interview you know um that I started.

writing my. book and the reason why I say that is. because you know I I wrote three. chapters of the book and then uh I got. with a major Publishing Company Harbor. Collins one of the biggest publish. company in the world and I got with them. because I needed to understand that. landscape I don't know the bookland I'm. not an author right until now so um with. my busy schedule man at that point of my.

en Ronin growth we were in a new city. every other week training law. enforcement and we were building our. company you know manufacturing Engineers. like you know very busy and I was. writing a. book right so I used to like write the. chapters and I'll submit my chapters to. like a ghost writer I hire through the. Publishing Company because the ghost.

writer knows how to put the fonts the. the proper format they know the. landscape and that's why I hired it and. it got to a point man it was just taking. a lot of. time you to write the book and uh I. needed to streamline this process with. my traveling with running a business. with everything else so um I got with my. ghost riter we would do a zoom call. every week or every other. week uh for a year so the book took a.

year to write and under the contract had. been this amount of you know uh words. and you know this is the book they. wanted and like so we uh we signed a. contract with hoer Collins the reason. why I wrote the book in the first place. is you know man like when I share my. story with. you and you know your platform it's it's. great you know you're doing great stuff. and you have a lot of subscribers you. know and um man you know a lot of people.

reached out to me you know just thank me. for your show you know and just to be. you know as open as I am sensitive you. know sometimes but to share my journey. and I realized that you know and this. happened you know so two and a half. years I've been getting emails about. this [ __ ] still you know. so why not help. others you know like why not write a. book that's in detail about your.

struggles and your mistakes and and your. life and. Purpose Driven by a Warriors. perspective the way of. ronin you know Harvard Collins at first. I wanted the way of the. Tiger The Way of the tiger yeah that was. that was the name of the tiger way was. born a year to Tiger all right all right. that right but they they quickly said. no so I'm like what are you guys.

thinking they're like can we tie it into. Call of Duty because you know Call of. Duty is the biggest franchise so I'm. like okay the way of. ronin and you know when I wrote that. title the way of. ronin so Bushido is the way of the. lawyer Bushido You Know the Way of the. Samurai and they had. a code of ethics that they had to live. by Bushido you. know the code of ethics in.

war right is you got your your teammates. back you're going to die on the. battlefield for this. cause and after a 100 years after War. stating period Japan can you imagine. these are peaceful Samurai now they. don't have War stating takagawa yetu you. brought peace to 250 years award and. they were reflecting on the war stating. peers of Japan of what it means to be a. wartime Samurai these are peacetime.

Samurai so in the book of hakura they. wrote what it meant to be samurai and. the very first word Bushido was ever. written in. history in Japanese literature. Bushido but that happened like 150 years. after War stating period. Japan during war stating period. there was no such word as. busho the war stating Samurai only knew. as the way.

H the way is like you know when when you. enter a door and you got a collapse your. sector and you got a you got to support. the number one man going through the. door his six you're going to die for. that there's no code for. it just a Unwritten role right so in. more say impi was only known as the. way but then you know I I I I took. deeper meaning to that like Christianity.

the. way God the flow woo wanging the. effortless. way is uh. Lau uh in Confucianism he in in thaism. he talks about the flow. surrender and and to the the flow of the. universe right and before everybody says. oh that's that's hokey Pocus right. whatever the Dalin that was written by. Lau is the most translated text in the. world next to the Holy.

Bible and it was written 500 years. before the birth of Jesus. Christ and he talked about the. way so I put the way because in my path. as a warrior I found. God did that help you heal by revisiting. your entire life again putting in just. text at first it put me into like uh man. because the Shadows you know when the.

emotions come out you're trying to be as. detailed in these descriptions as POS as. much as you can remember and a lot of. them man it's it's trauma. yeah so that. surface but you know as well as I do. journaling helps drama healing and I. didn't know at the time I as I was. writing I was healing I was putting that. emotional into words yeah I did have a. breakdown after the book where I had to. retreat to um to sit with you know.

psychedelics and kind of ground. myself you know um the book wasn't easy. to write do you have. any I mean you're putting something in. print that you can never take back. and does that does that bring you any. anxiety of course getting ready for that. release of course yeah you know about. I've been meditating on it I've been.

praying on it that you know people would. take these words and apply to their life. to better themselves because that's what. the word is about right what part of. that book brings you the most anxiety. that people are going to read that. you're. thinking maybe I shouldn't have put that. in there no like my childhood you know. people you know I actually you know. because I'm on social media you know I. am an influencer and if you're. successful people are going to like you. or hate you and you know I had people. tell me that I never escaped from.

Vietnam I was never on a boat but here I. have had pictures of it you know people. told me I was never this never that you. know but never serve with me you know or. people tell me who I am or what they. think I am and they saw me at a certain. point in my career you know and I'll. tell you my whole career my military. career wasn't all that. outstanding you know I wasn't the most. Stellar Soldier I have my traumas and I. have my mistakes too you know and. um yeah so that's that's what I I see.

coming out of it you know haters going. to hate the people are support you going. to support you you know and it's up to. me on how I choose to navigate. that last question I'm going wrap it. up you mentioned you want people to. learn from your mistakes that you put. your mistakes in that book what do you. think the biggest mistake of your life. has.

been you know at one point I was. consumed by a lot of. hate you know how you talked about your. heart when there's a shield around it. and you don't you can't. feel well I had that my whole life as a. child. too and I think back on my my history is. like dude you're born in. war you're their family was ripped apart. they they got put in prison camps you. escaped genocide on a [ __ ] boat left. for dead for 30 days when you're like 3.

years. old that's what the world gave. me and then in ref cans who barely. survived and we made it into States we. spit on flicked off and Tow for nothing. even in the. military I was told I was. nothing so the thing is this it's like. when the world gives you. [ __ ] do you give the world [ __ ] do you.

just let that defeat you or do you rise. up and be something more and I and my. book was kind of like that you know I. didn't know I was rising up to be more. but I. did and I and God gives us a choice and. I didn't know at the time but I chose to. be a. warrior right and you know the path of a. warrior man that's the steepest Mountain. you can climb and you fall you make a. mistake you fall it's. death like when we come out of the.

battlefield in our minds if you lose. that battle inside it's death for. us cuz we go. there and you know and I saw a lot of my. teammates you know got out and they they. suffer and they they went down that. route and I lost them so my. book you know if I'm able to kind of. heal myself through meditation through. spirituality finding God through. psychedelics or whatever all all that. stuff I'm I'm talking about in here. apparently I did something right then.

why not give that gift or that answer to. people that are suffering in this world. it's not just soldiers that are. suffering. veterans we got a mental health crisis. in. America so why not let people. heal and I talk about like my journey to. Healing trying to be a better person I'm. not I'm not that great I'm not saying. I'm perfect but man I'm a human being. that.

tries once again man you got a great. message and um a lot of people are going. to read that we get a lot of emails too. you know from your episode still to this. day 2 and 1/2 years later and uh it's. one of my favorites but man I just. um I want to say thank you for coming. back on and and again it's a it's an. honor brother and uh appreciate you and. uh man I can't wait I can't wait to get. this one out there and I can't wait to.

see how the book does I know it's going. to do amazing and um I love you bro I. love too my brother a outstanding. just great human being thank you thank. you for being Who You Are. [Music].

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