Prime Hall - MARSOC Raider Survives The Unthinkable / Horrific Combat Experience | SRS #55 Part 2

welcome back I want to kick this one off. and say thank you to. all the patrons out there that are. supporting the show and I apologize I. haven't done that in a while on here. because of you guys that this Show's. even possible and I just want to say. thank you for the support. this episode is part two of a two-part. series. if you haven't seen part one I highly. recommend you go back. there are a lot of people in this world.

trying to figure out. how to overcome severe trauma. and Prime Hall. is a perfect example of how to do it. God bless you all. have a great week. enjoy the show. [Music]. previously on the Sean Ryan Show. somebody was in your window yeah like. it's a peep it's called a Peeping Tom. yeah yeah I mean like right up on the.

window right up on the window watching. me. um for years breathing on the window. like tapping that window like. psychological warfare my mom and dad. caught the guy probably when I was 12. my stepmom was killed in a car accident. and so I got a red cross message while I. was like you know in training my.

lieutenant was like playing God back. there and he was like Hey you know I. heard about this the news you know how. stuff happens and uh so. um but uh we just can't lose you from. training right now so what I'm gonna. need you to do now is go back to your. room put your uniform on and load up on. the trucks he wants to tell a [ __ ] 18. year old kid he can't go see his dead. stepmom. what would you say to that guy right now. if he was sitting right where I'm at.

how to say he's a jellyfish a [ __ ]. piece of [ __ ] weak leadership I hope he. watches this. and my grandmother was like hey. um I was telling her I think I'm gonna. get kicked out and she was like you can. change your life but you're gonna have. to believe it you know. she like coached me through that [ __ ].

when I was in combat in Afghanistan and. I was with those guys it was a security. blanket how are we going to live there. for seven months if these guys can't. even go on patrol kind of put static out. there they're like this is [ __ ]. [Music]. I got sent. early to Afghanistan to go sign for gear. as a new guy. and uh my secondary role was going to be.

uh Afghan local police and I was going. to be a advisor and trainer. and so when I got there like. um. before we went to Afghanistan the team. that was there. uh that had just moved into where we. were going it was in 2012 at the. beginning like right as fighting Seasons. kicking off you know. we know that and that's a historical.

thing so it's like we're going into. fighting season we're going to be there. for the whole thing and um we're it's. just kicking off so we're starting to. get reports of like when the team's. going out on patrol what's happening and. stuff like that you know and they were. having to come back and they're having. they're getting cut off having to bound. back to the base and stuff like that you. know what I'm saying yeah. stuff that's like kind of alarming like. like you're kind of thinking in the back.

your head like how are we gonna live. there for seven months if these guys. can't even go on patrol. you know yeah and then like some of the. senior guys that are kind of like uh. you know. um. can't put static out there they're like. this is [ __ ]. like you know what I mean like they're. they're trying they're like creating. chaos it's like you but it's like they. see signals right you know you're about. you know this is shit's gonna be for.

this is gonna be serious [ __ ] so that's. pretty much it so. I got to go over a little bit like a. week and a half in advance or whatever. it was uh and uh get in to the village. with the team that was about to rip out. you know what I'm saying yeah I know. exactly what you're saying. so they're leaving and uh I got to kind. of sit with all of them as much as I. could and get their information of what.

they learned about the last deployment. you know. um uh. and then try to absorb and learn the. operational environment as quickly as. possible and stay on watch on security. as much as I could sit in the operations. center as much as I could as they would. allow me and then sit in the meetings. with the Afghans with it with the Terps. as much as I could to understand the. relationship Dynamics in between the.

team and the look and the and the police. and the security force and the locals. you know what I'm saying yeah and uh so. that was a very like good. start to be able to see all that see. what wasn't working this is in Hellman. Province yeah. yeah well how long was it before the. team joined you. maybe a week or something you know so uh. how hot was it. how was it heavy down there uh it was.

like not yet you know but it was. starting you know and there was a couple. attacks like on the base. where well so the first night I was. there they had a patrol and one of the. Afghan uh local police not uh stepped on. an IED and lost both of his legs. within a couple hours of me getting. there. [ __ ] you know what I'm saying yeah. so I was like holy [ __ ] and I was living. in The Interpreter like living space and. I was just thinking like. damn dude like I got all my guns loaded.

and I don't really know what's going on. here you know what I'm saying like. because I'm not this isn't my team and. they're they're giving me information. but I'm not really in the fold and I'm a. new guy too kind of thing so uh. but anyway so like you know bass got. attacked and I just kind of. was like I everybody's like finding. positions and shooting fighting battle. positions and stuff so I kind of went up.

to my guy that was I was turn. transitioning with that was running the. Afghan local police and. um you know. I've quickly saw that like you know you. take a couple shots you need to move. fast and reposition yourself you know. um because if you're just sitting there. pop pop you're gonna poop pop you know. snap you know uh so yeah you gotta. understand your operational environment.

really quick you know and I was kind of. like whoa this is not like Iraq was for. me and some people had crazy Iraq. experiences I was just there in 2008 it. wasn't like that you know. and so this was a lot of like. you know all of it on fire like uh Rock. RPGs uh all of it you know what year is. this 2012. this is a 2012. so this is.

the peak of Insider attacks in. Afghanistan yeah I think we got hit down. there around that time yeah. yeah it was a hornet's nest and that was. at the time where things were happening. here in the U.S like they burned the. Quran they had the video of the Prophet. Muhammad and stuff like that the cartoon. yeah and none of that helped us out. there. with our cause no kidding it really made. the second and third order effects of. that were very uh dangerous so I'm gonna.

paint a picture you know a little bit. about what was going on down there so. helmet Province I believe at this time. was the most dangerous uh province in. Afghanistan around that time period. Benghazi had just happened uh there was. a big bombing in Coast at a CIA base uh. or a handful of my friends were killed. and it was in the Marine Corps was.

really messing up some numbers in. Helmand Province because it was supposed. to be the. biggest. biggest offensive Force. in the global war on terror since. Fallujah which fellucio obviously was. massive at the also at this time. um Obama had chopped our legs out from. under us with his Rules of Engagement. the new rules of engagement came out. Marine Corps is getting ready to take.

um Hillman province. biggest offensive Force ever since. Fallujah and Obama comes out with an Roe. that says if you're shot at and the. enemy drops their weapon you are not. allowed to shoot back or you'll be. prosecuted and uh that demoralized that. demoralized a lot of. pretty much everybody who was down there.

and um so. that's the picture. worst place to go in Afghanistan. president of the United States hammers. us with new Roes and it makes everybody. wonder what the [ __ ] we're doing there. to begin with. why are you sending us down here if you. don't want us to take care of the. problem. yeah so from the end user being in the. village at that time and what with what. was going on with our leadership and the. politics and this and what these things.

that people in America were doing that. was causing more friction for us over. there and all this it felt like every it. felt like we were screwed that. everything was against us and that's. like the worst case with the government. is when it turns against you and you're. in the military yeah and it's like. um luckily we had Savvy people on our. team you know because we had to ask for. permission to drop bombs and stuff like. that when we needed to to survive and. they had put the Roes against it.

you know I forgot about that in 12 2012. that there are no more bombs to be. dropped in The Villages or however that. they signed it off between Obama and. Karzai but then. um Karzai was the president of. Afghanistan at the time for those that. don't know yeah and we got to a point to. where. um. you know there's even a point where. Karzai had like turned on all Americans.

and then we had to do like an. operational pause and this is like. during that boiling point of like that. was the year of Benghazi and all The. Insider attacks. everything was crazy boiling point at. that point so. um. you know it really you know that was a. very uh enlightening experience on a lot. of fronts being over there living. because you know I kind of wanted to be. on the Commando Mission it really.

sounded cool to be able to fly in and. you know do these Commando missions and. stuff like that but. and living in the village in the living. in the village. in an enemy Village for seven months. where you're like in a little. Supply hub. fortified with sandbags or you're at the. team space that's like a compound that. we took over and reinforced. you're not on base you know flying to do. these missions and coming back where you.

can work out at the gym there's like a. little pool there you know all this. stuff. um. so by living in there for seven months. was like a you know definitely. uh very impactful experience. um. because of The Insider threat and the. thr and the threat we had to uh. revalidate anybody that worked with us. every 30 days.

so that was a good process for me and. um and just like I'm I'm fascinated with. human performance and human intelligence. and people and what makes them do. certain things you know so like I was. always I enjoyed doing those monthly. interviews with all the people that. worked for me or worked with me from the. Afghan you know but uh my biggest thing. when I got over there was I started. working with the Afghan local police and.

I that was my main thing so I ran about. like 60 of the Afghan local police with. my interpreters you know and uh. and. so I did a lot of training and then you. know they were in combat every day so. some of them would get killed and we had. to do training classes every week to. keep everybody have enough people to. support each other at the checkpoints. and stuff because it was like live at.

that point yeah sometimes dude that was. the hard part is like you know I did. these training classes. um. sometimes there would be. you know guys that came in that did a. training class and they're from this. other part of Afghanistan or this other. tribe or whatever. and they brought like five guys with. them from their Village and they all. went through my went through the Afghan. local police training you know they all. got graduated at certs picture.

another got guns you know now they're at. a checkpoint and now they're on Patrols. and then they get killed in a couple. days bro damn that that was like really. challenging you know but it's like dude. we're literally like we have no wide. space. we're in an enemy Village if you put. your hand over the wall. for like a minute or two in the daylight. you're gonna get shot like no question. asked they're gonna start shooting at. you you know I used to take serial.

numbers off the vehicles I'd have to do. it all at night because like if I pop my. head up taking serial numbers off of the. machine gun on the vehicle or like these. little silly serial numbers around all. the little mechanical things dude I get. my ass shot off yeah you know there were. times like where I would jump in the. canal you know there's a canal right in. front you know and get lit up and have. to like bound back into the little gate. you know but dude all of us that were.

over there that were over there for that. seven month thing. was a craziest. experience of my life like that seven. months alone was just like when I think. of any deployment that's the that's the. only one that I think about. really yeah. yeah dude. like. ever let's get into it let's just keep. going. yeah.

so uh. you know and then. I think it's important for anyone. listening to to understand that there's. this like comparison. uh trap you know where we all compare. each other and there's like this. imposter syndrome thing where it's like. oh you know because I only had four. deployments you know or whatever it was. like people have 20 deployments. but I never went to sniper School.

but this guy went to sniper school and. he had two more deployments than me and. all this stuff or people tell me well I. never did anything like you it's like no. dude nah come on like no no no no no. yeah whatever that you did is like. meaningful you know what I mean so. like there's been I've felt resistance. like you know knowing that I was gonna. come on here because I I feel personally.

there's all these guys that have so much. more experience than me why am I here. but it's like. we all feel that everybody has their own. version of that that like questioning or. doubt or whatever that is so. um. but. going into Afghanistan dude like. you know the biggest thing was like I. just I didn't want to I guess fear a. failure and fear of death fear of like. getting someone. get fear of one of my teammates getting. killed.

you know and worst case for something. that was my fault you know and so like. I don't know dude like uh did you fear. death. um yeah for sure like I mean I would. dude I always prayed you know like real. quick but just like. you know uh I always had like a. spiritual kind of Health yeah connection. going on with God or what you know.

um. well let's get in what we got well it's. like a daily routine for you on this. deployment. um you know wake up uh sometimes we do. Missions at night you know and that we. would have and like an ambush Patrol in. the morning or something you know and. then. you get back. um. around uh 9 A.M or something like that. and then you either rest if you were up.

all night or. um you uh you know you're on watch every. day once or twice a day you're in the op. Center on security watch tracking. everything. you know the whole battle space as much. as possible with whoever's in there with. you. and um. and then doing a lot of uh like Afghan. local police training or whatever we're. doing like we had checkpoints that we. had. to like build and stuff like that so.

what kind of missions were you guys. doing at night. for us it was you know our mission there. was Village stability operations you. know what I'm saying but yeah to really. do that and uh support like development. and governance and all that like there. has to be locals yeah there's no locals. dude it's just enemy it's just uh. fighting it's an enemy Village dude it's. all black compounds you know what I'm.

saying I do what the audience doesn't so. that's why I'm asking you to describe. what were you guys doing at night what. were we doing here yeah we were doing uh. Ambush patrols because we basically had. people coming up way too close what's an. ambush Patrol where we go out you know. and uh. set up an ambush and wait for people to. try to come like to start moving back. and forth enemy you know that are going. to come like into our space or you know.

whatever and so. it's a lot of it works off of like uh. positions and the Taliban and whoever it. is is very smart and understanding like. where our camera is at our base or. wherever our thing is. and then where they need to be on the. other side of that so that we can't see. what they're doing. you know so uh. we would have to go a couple tree lines.

over in the green zone of Hellman. and kind of camp out and wait for the. activity for the party to start in the. morning whenever everyone woke up and. started turning on their motorcycles and. passing weapons and ammunition and all. the stuff that they do and calling each. other all this stuff did you guys Ambush. a lot of bad guys. uh. definitely some. um what was the first one like.

what the first engagement. first ambush. the first ambush was uh. you know. um. basically waiting out uh with uh I think. it was me and our. team leader and uh. a dog handler and then a bunch of. Afghans and an interpreter the local. police an interpreter. um and uh you know there was an enemy.

that was in the other train line that. was like moving around. and then started to engage us and then. we engaged them and then we. pop smoke and went back to base. round one. how many times were you guys doing that. what's that how many times were you guys. doing I was like at the very beginning. that was like one of our first uh like. Ambush patrols but.

um. you know. we would uh. it's like dude the Taliban is is pretty. pretty crafty so like you're fighting. him every day but they're hiding from. you the whole time yeah so it's like. uh you know it's it's like real Modern. Warfare you know and uh and so once you. throw in like drones and stuff like that. then it's gets a little then you can.

start to. you know move around you get access to. things and all that stuff but like uh. um. were you guys killing a lot of bad guys. did you disrupt a lot of Supply chains. yeah so uh I don't know you know it's. what from my experience uh we had uh. like our we had a mortar team that was. with us an army mortar team and we had. serious.

experience uh combat experience jtac. operator on our team. and uh and operators and like. um so uh a lot of those uh you know it's. hard to say how many people got killed. but like uh it would be a lot in one day. and it would just they would just like. replenish them you know but maybe. tomorrow when they're when there's a.

hundred more that respawn. you know that they send from Pakistan or. whatever that. um they might be the C team you know. yeah or the D team so they might be just. shooting like up in the air and you. could like sit here and eat your dinner. before you even deal with the problem. oh man you know was that they were that. but then the next day you have the a. team and it's like they got us locked in. with like uh grenades dude like you know. ugls you know what I'm talking about. yeah or like whatever it is they got us.

locked in or their this is the A Team. you know. um. there were time where we closed the site. down and so one of our cameras. came comes down this is at the end of. deployment and like they all moved in on. us. so we got like Hammer dude [ __ ] that was. a and the NCIS was there with us. what were they doing there they were. there interrogating us trying to burn us. because oh.

because uh like we when we had moved or. like what whatever like during the thing. our our medic had lost morphine. right which had probably gotten stolen. from one of our Terps yeah for like. you know they were so they sent in the. NCIS into the hottest Province. Afghanistan to do up to do an. investigation for a lost thing of. morphine yes dude interesting and I'm. wondering when this episode is gonna. make it on their show no no but um so.

yeah dude this was like Street Justice. because uh. they all. um. they all interrogated like our medic and. our team members and all this stuff and. this is at the end of deployment dude. like. we've lost like our you know we got. people who got seriously wounded and. there's been people getting killed at. our little spot there more side guys. seriously wounded. this episode is sponsored by hbmn you've.

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balance with better help visit. betterhelp.com Sean to day to get 10 off. your first month that's better help. h-e-l-p.com slash Sean. thank you. the operation goat rope right which is. something that. um stands out to me that I uh is a good. memory for me of a mission that we had. and uh there were a lot of uh our.

Afghans that were getting uh that had. been getting killed on this road that. the Taliban was coming sneaking in. between these compounds and putting. these bombs in the same part and they. were just running over them and driving. over them and like Mass casualties and. stuff like that from this one thing and. then we wanted to take care of that. problem so we wanted to occupy a. building you know that was in the green. zone so that we could eliminate this.

problem have Security in that area where. they were sneaking in and um so we had. no support this was at the beginning of. the deployment. so I had worked out a devised a plan. with my Afghan local police Commander. that my team leader let me do let me run. so basically uh there's a goat herder. that brings us goats in front of my. little compound every night to take back. to their goat pen. so I wanted to use all these goats as a.

counter IED tool to like funnel them. down the road that's genius function the. IEDs did you say what yeah how'd you do. it we did it so we had the goats we had. some of our Afghans locals that worked. with us that basically were like you. know had experience with the goats you. know commands and stuff so they're like. whipping them and telling them where to. go and crawling them but we had a goat. we had that our engineers build a goat.

pen so we took all these goats and. promised the goat herder that we pay. them you know and he was like no problem. you know how many girls are we talking. here like a hundred and holy [ __ ] maxed. out dude so you guys are already in a. small space but we had a little Hesco go. pen you get it that's outside maxed out. with go you find a goat herder. what did you did you roll right in my. lap though because the sky is literally. coming right back and forth you know I. was like what else are you gonna do yeah.

so. um we took the goats he he allowed us to. pay him promise payment pay him later. when we get funds which we did. um. but uh in the morning when we took off. on the mission the goats led the route. down the road and functioned all the IDS. minus one there was one that still got. functioned later in the day. um with the goats on the way back that. we all made it over on the way there. that's what's crazy about IEDs.

is that there's Legacy IEDs there's. older ones there's newer ones there's. ones that are more sensitive there's. ones that you might be able to step on. and not function but that the next guy. might function it. you know and then there's ones that have. been there for like dude we had times. where we had been on an area and we had. done an operation where we had Vehicles. there we slept out on the ground like we. had cleared it 50 different ways and. then one day we were driving back out a. legacy functioned damn in that same. place we were all laying and living and.

walking everywhere and like dude so. after that I'm like dude I don't know. what's what here every step I take needs. to be intentional there are so many. times out almost stepped on something. that was like Disturbed Earth or there's. a sign of IED there's IEDs everywhere. like we've we found her function so many. IEDs and I had so many of my Afghan. local police guys that I was like in. meetings with. like this and then they would take off. and then they would be back medevact.

within an hour and like it's like their. soul is gone you know we're doing. medical stuff on them but they're not. there anymore damn ID over and over and. over and over. you know it's like. so uh. so the the thing was like dude. we'll sacrifice these ghosts to save. human lives all day you know yeah so the. ghosts did work they found or functioned. all those ones on the road and then we. fed them into the compound that we were.

going to occupy they did all the same. thing in there. like you know what I'm saying yeah more. goats than could fit in there and they. all found or functioned all of them some. of them went off and the ones that. didn't go off you could see where. everything was at you just you know. whatever deal with it but um. but anyway so so how many goats how many. IEDs so hold on but a lot of those goats. didn't survive they were they they went. down for the cause really yeah so.

you took a hundred and something goats. and just marched them on this exact. route that you guys were gonna drive. yeah and the goats would basically take. the hit yeah and then you keep the goats. going into the Target that you're gonna. hit or the house you're gonna occupy or. whatever it was. and just let them run around for this. one time this wasn't like a rant this. wasn't a recurring thing this was a. one-time thing that we did that worked. it's genius yeah I've never heard that. that was your idea yeah.

that's pretty badass and then we got him. back you know yeah I left you know. um I left that off of my uh college. applications for business school you. know. um but uh but uh nah dude so uh so that. was cool I really liked working with you. know. uh the Afghans have a completely. different culture you know and values. and all that stuff is different but you. know it was interesting and and a lot of.

it was uh. you know like. related to Growing Up on the border of. Mexico you know and being like a gringo. and dealing with like rough customers. you know and then being over there in. the village and it's like hey dude. here I am again. like same thing it's just like being on. the job site down the Border like being. in that environment. and so every experience you know can.

like feed into the next. um but then uh you know. a big uh. like my biggest thing that you know. replays over and over and over and over. is The Insider attack you know and like. um I know that's a big part of your. story. yeah and uh you know everything happens. for a reason and uh.

like being in an Insider attack it's not. like a heroic thing you know. your in a you're you got attacked you. were in the open you got attacked you. got hit with you know I got hit with. rocket propelled grenades. you know and uh and I didn't I wasn't. tracking that the guy that was up there. in the tower. was instead of being focused out like he. normally is that he turned all the. weapons in on us in this little ass. compound that's like the size of like a.

small parking lot you know like a. Walgreens. and so um. you know uh three days before that so. this is August 13th. 2012. so three days before that three. Raiders had from a team close to us that. was in my company and our Command had. gotten killed in an Insider attack. [ __ ] three days before dude. and they were all close to us and we.

were on a mission when we heard the. Medevac call. and we had to cancel the like we we. weren't going to stay out there. overnight after hearing that that there. were three those three guys got killed. and there was one wounded like. uh you know that was like and then we. guys went back for the funeral. from that and so like that's all. happening there was a couple other. Raiders that had gotten killed I think. in Kandahar. and within that week.

um and uh. so there's a lot going on and uh. two and then on three days later on. August 13th. and we had just gotten a new so I lived. in a little uh kind of like Supply hub. uh base you know and the main team lived. at a different base I was like a click. away like a kilometer you know through. the green zone that's also filled with. IED so it might take you a little longer.

to get there but it's it's there right. and so for us we're right next to the. Village so that's what we're doing a lot. of the village engagement and like. Logistics and whatever else. so uh. but just knowing that at this little. thing there's only three operators. there's an Army infantry Squad. and there's the Army and there's the. Afghan Special Forces team. and the Terps that's all we had. and so this other this other spot has.

it's like Army Squad and the whole team. and all the reinforcements and all the. stuff so there's only three guys over. here yeah. [ __ ] yeah and there was a lot of there. was a lot of our team was gone at that. point because like we would do uh. logistical runs sometimes to camp. leatherneck you know to get ammo. supplies whatever it is come back so. yeah guys that were gone so we were like. down so uh so anyway.

I would get woken up in the morning and. uh you know I'm training. um. every week I'm doing training classes. and then I filled up my how many guys I. could have on my payroll. so then I had made a deal with the Army. SF team that basically you guys have. more availability for on your roster. if we train this other guy. to set up a checkpoint at his village.

can we put those 20 guys under your guys. when. yes solid you know I mean does that make. sense yeah so we did that we made that. deal we trained These Guys these Afghan. guys and then they didn't want to. work for the SF guys because they. trained with me or would they train with. us so their culture they're like no. you're our leader you trained us. it's like whoa no that wasn't our. agreement you know like you're supposed. to be with these guys.

so there was this whole Fallout with. this guy that was supposed to work. as an Afghan local police Commander that. wouldn't work for the Army SF guys. so I told him I was basically telling. him like dude when he would come to the. gate to talk to me and I would go out. there and be like go away like. dude because he refused to do we trained. him and did everything we had all the. weapons we had everything set up and. he's getting beat up by the Taliban in. his village. like he's getting all these things are. happening it's like dude Now's the Time.

like you know and I and so he so I got. woken up this morning with this guy. that's been coming causing all these. problems like saying he's gonna do this. stuff never fulfill anything. so I get woken up at 7 A.M I go out to. the gate you know and I'm like dude go. away you know it's always a story like. you know whatever I with my interpreter. this is during Ramadan and it's during. uh it's hot dude it's like 130 like 100.

plus degrees all day long and we just. got a new arm Afghan Special Forces team. so that's like the background of it you. know a week ago. so we just started training with these. guys and from the looks of it we were. calling them the force Recon. Afghan SF team because they all had. really long beards and they were like. Fighters. where we got into some serious.

like situations with our last Afghan SF. team and they did not look like Fighters. but when it came down to it they. performed. you know yeah but those guys that we had. that relationship with that we went. through those missions with and survived. they were gone now we had these new guys. and all I had was just the experience of. them training meet with me in the Afghan. local police because they were like kind. of the advisors helping to train them in. a way. and it was a great experience so far. with these guys but little did I know.

you know that one of them was like had. it out you know with whatever with. everyone with them with us with the. whole thing and like you know. decided to vote that morning and went up. to the tower you know we have these. three little security towers and we get. attacked almost every day from the. village so like the towers are you know. attacking TR like Target reference. points and and enemy positions in the.

village right that are attacking us. every day. um pretty much. so you wouldn't it's hard to think. psychologically it was hard to think. because that was like our security. bubble dude you know that like that. little bubble was security if you it's. not safe to walk outside in the daytime. it's not safe to expose yourself but. inside that little thing especially if. you're behind the wall like you're not. gonna get hit you know and that you're. safe in there there's nothing inside. that's going to get you.

so that's one thing that kind of is part. of it where it's like psychologically. when I was sitting there because when I. came back in. as I went to the we had a little kitchen. that was right next to where the. interpreters lived and I got like a bowl. of cereal and I sat down. and I'm sitting at a picnic table like. wearing board shorts you know a tank top. with like a Glock on my board shorts on. a holster and my sunglasses are on top.

of my head. and I'm sitting at a picnic table and I. get rocked unconscious boom. and next thing you know I'm on the. ground back here that's right by the. interpreters living space and I was like. doing this weird thing where I was. holding my eyes open it was blacked out. and I was thinking that because I had. this little Polaris that I would cruise. around short spaces because it's like. it's like but I was you know and the. Polaris was right next to the uh.

um picnic table so for some reason my. first thought was that the Polaris. exploded on me you know that it. detonated yeah like an IED or something. and I was on the ground and uh I was. holding my eyes open and I was in very. much panic because I was blacked out. and I thought I was blinded because my. glasses were on my head and I was like. in a disparity you know. um. but uh.

what it's a weird series of events that. happen you know. um. because. once I could see I'm still on the ground. but then I start seeing like the Afghan. Special Forces uh. you know uh Team Chief that's like the. guy that's in charge with the officer. the team Chief is like the leader from. my experience so far I see him drop a. bag of RPGs and run away you know then I. see another guy run out and run out of.

the co of our compound. in the daytime that's like unheard of. one of the Afghan SF guys in an enemy. Village. you know like so that was all like kind. of like whoa and then I got. um. and this guy had been shooting RPGs you. know so the first RPG hit close to me. right there's shrap Mill in every part. of this table the everything was had. traveled there's RPG fins everywhere.

like he ended up letting loose like 12. of these things oh in a small area. so all of our stuff was destroyed all of. our Tech equipment our camera systems. all that shit's destroyed and like it's. like whoa everything's smoking like and. we're get and I thought we were locked. in with mortars dude. so I thought like we were under attack. and it was the A-Team and I thought they. had us like directly locked in with. mortars and they're just dropping on us. you know and I got into The Interpreter.

Hooch and Mike or The Interpreter living. space and they're all holding hands like. this they're like and I'm have I'm real. tired with all the with the interpreters. you know and they're like big problem. big problem and they're all holding. hands together I'm like damn dude I. gotta like this is gonna do me this is. gonna do nobody any good to be in here. you know I mean I got to get out I got. to make moves so I got to the operations. center which is just a little bunker. covered with sandbags and when I got in.

there he's right on top that was where. the shooter was dude he's right in the. security tower on top so he starts. hitting the operations center direct top. down with RPGs. there's three of four of us inside of. there we're all rocked every time that. that thing hit. there's one guy that was in the that was. down under the desk and there was three. of us that were standing up and we were. rocked every single time. and uh it was insane and uh.

it was a crazy uh thing because there's. enemy everywhere dude there's an enemy. in the village everywhere yeah there's. aircraft on station that's spawning. enemy everywhere. there's uh and there's guys that ran out. of the compound and it's like what's. going on what's Happening and then one. of the army guys came over and said one. of the Army infantry guys said hey one. of the one of the Terps is up here and. said that one of the Afghan Special. Forces guys has gone crazy in the tower.

and needs to get killed. we're like whoa. at least we know what's going on you. know what I mean at least so up to this. point you didn't realize this was an. active shooter. no clue dude. we didn't know it was coming from inside. at all. how much time has passed do you think I. know I know you probably have no idea. but like. definitely fine like I'd say five. minutes maybe I mean but he dude like. there's a lot happening a lot of reloads. and like a lot of RPGs and like a lot of.

like crazy things that are materializing. in that five minutes. you know there's a lot of like. damage and stuff being done and uh. so uh. you know what ended up happening is we. uh with like the the guys that were. there that were you know senior to me. that were Raiders that were in the. luckily in the operations center. like helped clear out the compound.

because we didn't know what was clear. and what wasn't at that point. now that we have an active shooter who. else is an active shooter you don't know. so you have to clear everything like. it's. not safe you know what I'm saying yeah. so we clear out we get out to the side. and then we got to the back all the. Afghan Special Forces Guys these are. like all the OG guys that I've been that. are like been so impressive to train. with with the long beards and everything. they're all handing their rifles like. we're done like you guys take you guys. help because three of their team members.

were dead on the ground this guy was. killing them shooting active shooter. killed their captain. you know like because throughout this. thing people are like thinking they had. a couple other guys thinking we were. getting attacked from outside the. village so they initiated the battle. drill and they were running up to the. tower and the guy was like you come up. anymore I'm gonna shoot you and dumb. dumb boom so now there's a guy shot in. the head on the side of the stairs going. up to the tower. then now the captain tried to get up on.

their living space to shoot his own guy. once he realized what was going on and. as soon as he popped his head up this. guy domed him so their Captain got shot. killed fell off he's dead on the ground. and then another guy. same thing so like. so that's why they were all. because all their guys who got killed. and uh they were like more they were you. know. so uh they actually were the ones you. know to help like we worked with them. and got the situation done but dude hold.

on how'd you get it done. that guy's up there in a semi-enclosed. position shooting. like over 10 RPGs he's done himself. he smoked like that that's that whole. post was on fire dude like he was like. dying inside he there's no way that guy. wasn't dying that the back blast of each. of those RPGs it's almost like doing it. in a closed room they were ballistic it. was a ballistic post they got shot every.

day that was bulletproof that didn't. have it like it wasn't like clear back. Blaster oh okay so he was shooting these. Rockets. yeah it's not even really a room no it's. a it's an enclosed post oh good yeah I. was thinking it was one of those Towers. where it was it was open no so it's like. dude you could have shot a a paintball. gun at that guy at the end and he. probably would have died you know like.

that's nothing to you know but he he he. offed himself by shooting all those. rockets in that enclosed position dudes. he was on fire you know yeah we called. it ghost post after that. um but. so yeah so that you know. that Insider attack thing uh I didn't. it was like a at right after it happened. because. um you know I pass or I failed my mate.

my exams afterwards so I got flown out. for concussions because I had a loss of. consciousness and whatever else but. a lot a lot of people got uh. tbis on that with all those RPGs and. stuff a lot of people got rocked so. there was a lot of our team members that. got you know flown out but a couple of. my team members took me over and like. immediately afterwards and shown me the. situation and like show me like the. forensics kind of on it like dude look.

where you were sitting. look at this look at like my tray like. my cereal like look at all the stuff. there's shrapnel in every single thing. dude like you know like took a picture. and like. like it was. um definitely something but then after. that I was like went you know got. Medevac and then. I mean like I said dude our uh we had. our exit our executive officer in our.

company was back lost both of his legs. on the previous deployment and was back. on that deployment double amputee above. the knee. and so when you we're get you know a. Medevac for a traumatic for a concussion. you know and it's like dude. I gotta get back like I'm good you know. um I got to get back to to and sell to. the boys yeah so everybody that got sent.

we all got back like within two days or. something back to. back to the thing but um dude those like. those RPGs that like concussion. was severe. severe um for sure and uh and I still. like I've had a lot of like you know. I've recalled that memory of like that. initial thing that boom you know. so many times dude like.

did any Raiders get [ __ ] up in that. um you know like [ __ ] up with. concussions and probably their ears. blown out or you know [ __ ] memories. of like. all this [ __ ] you know. because uh. there are a lot of Insider attacks you. know. so then it kind of gets into. you know. um. but there's a psychological part of it.

it's what I'm trying to get at and. communicate to you of being of your safe. space being interrupted and your safe. security bubble of what you. like know and depend on for your [ __ ]. life you know to be your safe space that. that like compromised you know is what. kind of like has kept me up at night. you know yeah. um and I know it's kept some of my other. teammates up too.

you know. um is that safe space [ __ ]. um and uh. and so you know. again like. I look at it like Mr Magoo. like dude I was there at the table I got. blown off and then I just. made into this and then crawled over. here and then made into here in between. all these RPG blasts I didn't even know. that that was it but I thought it was.

something else yeah so and that was your. that was your that was your first. opponent that was my first Legend yeah. that was my first martial art Department. yeah. damn. what was the leg going back. coming back to the States no no no no. you said you got Medevac what was it. like going back to the same spot. uh. damn dude. um.

I mean. it's uh definitely a wake-up call. um what was cool was that like uh all of. my Afghan like local police like like my. commander and all the people that I. worked with they were all like because. the Afghan Special Forces guys did it. so these guys were like dude they were. so mad that another that they had done. that you know and so they were like no. one's ever gonna you know and that's a.

big reason why I feel like I never got a. like I never got hit with a Insider with. my Afghan local police is because uh the. commander had made the pilgrimage to. Mecca. right and that was my guy that I worked. with so he had like a religious status. with everybody that they didn't want to. did you assume I'm saying that they. didn't want to cross yeah and because he. blessed me off that that.

saved me from some attacks I feel like. um now. uh. getting so you know I had to just be I. was just like. be as cautious like be as diligent as. possible you know what I'm saying. um being out there and not doing stupid. stuff not taking extra steps. you know not like trying to force going. on missions you know like all this kind. of stuff like thinking smarter and and.

then like how to set the next team up. for Success so they don't have to come. back to this place. you know so like that kind of stuff but. um. it was crazy because at the end. deployment you know I had all these. crazy experiences with my Afghan local. commander and like there was one day. where we were doing some local police. training. and he came up and he was like hey can I. leave my son here you know whatever and. he left one of his sons so it was like. maybe seven years old or something and.

uh. he gets in his truck and drives around. the corner hits a IED boom blasts and. like launches him. double amputee launched and like uh so I. had to get him like so he got on a. flight and got airlifted out and all. that stuff but. once he got into it like a. um. like a regular Hospital like in Kandahar. and stuff like the Taliban was green.

lighting and coming after him and stuff. like that you know so I was like uh. when I was leaving I was talking to him. on all my on cell phones and stuff like. that and I'm like dude. um you know a month before I'm leaving. I'm like hey you know I gotta I'm gonna. have like be uh you know. getting ready soon whatever you know. like whatever I can't tell them like any. information of what I'm you know but. just kind of like hey I might not be. here forever. you know and so he came and visited me.

before I flew out and was like we're all. wrapped like his legs were still all. bandaged and wrapped and they drove him. in a car and like all that [ __ ] so. um and uh. so that was cool that I got to see him. because. you know we had a lot of conversations. and he was like a warlord out there like. he had all these he owned all the poppy. fields in this area and all these. different stuff and so it's interesting.

when you get to work you know. work with people from different. backgrounds like that yeah. um so some of those guys have some. pretty [ __ ] amazing stories. you know especially those old timers. like that you know rising up against a. Taliban before we ever came along and. there's been some I've talked to some. good ones too that that. man there's some [ __ ] Warriors over.

there yeah you know oh yeah and their. their family was killed by Taliban and. their family was killed and like they're. just. fighting and resilient and like you know. whatever but. again it's just a different culture. different values like you know what I. mean growing up in Texas like I know. that there's people in Texas if you told. them like what the things that happen. over there you know and stuff what. it's like hey dude this isn't Texas. homie.

you're in Afghanistan dog but you're in. the my you're in a yeah they're all. doing uh they're all doing heroin. their life is literally on the line. every day they live in a heroin field. full of Poppy and it's 130 degrees and. they live moment to moment. like. and you want to you want us to create a. program where we start drug testing them. and you know enrolling them into like. it's like. nah. like dental program you know but.

um but dude there's some like amazing. kind of wild characters out there yeah. and I got to bring a dog back home from. Afghanistan did you which was really. cool yeah my commander gave me an Afghan. coochie dog like a mountain dog like the. fighting dog special no uh yes yeah but. these are like. yeah. yeah but yes I mean these are these dogs.

are legit yeah they're big yeah and uh. and so um. this was a female and some of the males. are like. you know and then they cut the tail and. they do different things that make them. like but they're like. you know warlord dogs kind of thing but. yeah dude they're really special dogs. and uh I get they gave it to me as a. gift when I was over there like my first. month in Afghanistan and this little. puppy would sleep with me on my car and.

would wait for me when I get back for. Missions and stuff and so I ended up. dude that was like a Saving Grace I got. that thing he was with me for a few. months of deployment and then I kind of. uh got him on a pat like got him. with you know rat chained out with like. hey this guy's going to kind of hard and. then they can drop them off here and. then he went to quarantine and then flew. him out and it was a organization called. The Puppy Rescue Mission that was like.

rescuing dogs oh that's cool for for. military you still have them what it. just passed away this year bro what was. his name uh it was a girl her name was. nari nari because this the canal was the. nari Suraj oh that's cool yeah so her. name was nari and then they renamed her. tally for Taliban because she was like. all like uh you know like uh if a if a. plane would come over you know because. there was an airport in the town that. the dog would like.

you know hit the ground stuff like that. yeah. um. but uh but dude it's really cool because. the dogs can't survive over there. they're gonna hit an IED they're gonna. like. whatever dude it's hard to live out. there you know so that was cool that was. a win. um but overall like I remember leaving. you know when I left Afghanistan and I. didn't have it I don't remember having. any emotion when I was over there as far. as crying or doing anything like that. but when I left and I was on the Helo.

out with a couple of my teammates I. broke. really yeah. because it was just a lot dude yeah. it sounds like it. and like there's you know. when [ __ ] hits the fan there's always. like you know there's other people there. like a generator mechanic or you know. other people that aren't fit to be in. that environment that you have to like. look out for and make sure that you.

yeah. protect them you know and whatever else. but. anyway. it's a lot uh. you know and uh. dude [ __ ] uh super valuable. you know and uh haunting. and. invaluable dude like full yin and yang. you know Light Side dark side of the of. it all you know like.

um full breakdown full breakthrough. it's like a dilemma with soft too. because it's like uh operator syndrome. you know yeah and. um the study that they did but it's like. that's what that's what my experience. was like I got to a point where I burned. all my I wasn't able to have any. relationships with even my closest like. my grandmother you know like I was in. just like. but.

um it's a dilemma with soft and it's. like you you know because I Mentor kids. going in and and work with kids going. into soft branches. and at first it's like why do you want. to go in. and it's like no that's not a good. reason you know. why would anyone want to go in what. would not be. what's a reason that you've said that's. not a good reason like. a really good one that's like surface. superficial that's a great examples like.

well I want I don't want to have a. regular job. or I want a cool job it's like I don't. care what job you want that's not a. reason. why do you want to do this this is like. the hardest thing that I've ever. experienced that like literally like. I got friends killing themselves from. doing this job that made it back from. Afghanistan but they never really they. didn't survive the experience. so how am I going to turn around and.

tell you it's a great idea to go but at. the same time like some of the biggest. learnings and some of those most. meaningful things that I are in my life. are from that thing yeah all my. relationships that I have from that. stuff like my friends that got shot with. me on that that were on my team I see. them like one of them is one of my close. like they're both my closest friends and. I see them both like one of them I see. multiple times a week and he works with. me and the other one I see like.

at least monthly you know what I'm. saying but we're all like. that's what keeps us resilient is that. we're connected you know yeah. um but it's a dilemma with soft because. it's like dude you can go and you can. get this experience and this these. skills and go to these courses and go to. get in these positions to really like. stretch your human potential. you know. way outside of what you thought was. capable right.

but then it's a dilemma because. um there's something missing. that people are breaking down and. they're not able to it's like the things. that are that make you so good at your. job overseas. that that breaks you if you come home. with that if you're hyper Vigilant if. your stress response is always on it's. like all that but dude if that's not on. when you're in a high threat environment.

that's like. you're not gonna survive that either. yeah so it's like you know and then not. having the tools because a lot of like. and it's it's really no fault of any of. the guys that were like like in charge. or whatever for me because they're. falling in on the culture that they fell. in on that they fell in on and a lot of. that and from the Marine side I don't. know what you experienced but it's like. suffer in silence. is a good thing you suffer in silence.

like dude what do you want me to do Pat. you on the ass like go do your job yeah. every day is a tryout dude like why are. you complaining what do you have. headaches join the club. what else. get out of my office yeah. um but like. suffer in silence culture doesn't work. anymore you know and like I've gotten to. have relationships with the World War II. guys and one World War II Raider in.

particular. um that I have been really close with. and it's the same thing dude. they have the same thing they've been. suffering in silence and then now. they're trying to come out and talk. about it more in their 90s you know and. communicate it but like dude what can we. do now to promote a positive thing for. guys to if you have a problem. it's okay to ask for help because. there's a stigma in the veteran culture. and the in the military Community period.

of like oh if I ask for help I'm going. to get extra pages in my medical jacket. and then I'm going to be looked at as a. liability or people are going to judge. me or I'm going to be looked at as weak. yeah. a minute man I wasn't expecting to go. into this conversation but. I mean there's a lot of things that have. to change you know there's a there's. you in one aspect you cannot fault the. units.

for. kind of the upbringing you know of of. what it takes to be. an operator at that level. you know there has to be the competition. there has to be the sufferance of their. hat all that [ __ ] has to happen I think. you know. where they're failing is the transition. out. you know and the overuse the the overuse. chronic stress the overuse of soft units.

you know especially the. especially the tier one units you know I. mean those guys are going. I don't know what you were doing I never. did this but. some of these guys are going on two. missions a night. you know they're hitting a Target. they're getting Intel from that Target. and then they're rolling it right into. another Target and they're doing it. night after night after night after. night. for. 20 [ __ ] deployments.

you know no and there's all these other. units out there that could be doing. something but they. it's send these guys send these guys. send these guys send these guys send me. I mean Afghanistan was a Soph War you. know a lot of Iraq was a sophomore after. Fallujah. and you got something. what's interesting about. Afghan and Iraq is that like.

whether we should be there or whatever. but like wherever we put forces that's. where the. that's where the Sig act you know that's. where the activity is going to be if you. put a base here that's where like now. it's going to start getting attacked you. know like and all that so it's like um. I don't know dude like the what do you. we did all this work you know and let's. before we get into that you know what I. mean we're talk we're talking about this.

issue. you know when you're talking about. mentoring kids and. I mean it's it's just. do you want your son to go into this no. I don't want mine to go into it either. you know would you stop your son from. going into this. um. to an extent but if it was like. something that was his he was called to. do I wouldn't you know I would yeah at a. certain point I would have to I would.

support him but you know um. like I don't really it's hard for me to. recommend to people that they should do. it you know uh for me I come from a. little different perspective because. like I was kind of going to jail and. then I got into the military yeah from. my military school experience even the. military is one thing soft is different. it just is it's just different yeah you. know and uh and uh and I think it was uh.

there's a lot of uh glorification you. know that happens there's a lot of War. Glory that gets passed down and that in. do you know what I'm saying the war is. glorified and yeah it shouldn't be yeah. I don't think it should be yeah. acts that should be glorified that have. happened over there but you know ever. since the age of social media and they.

see. you know cool guy picks and they don't. see the flip side of this and that's. what this you know that's one thing that. this show brings is it shows the other. side of the coin you know it's like look. yeah there is a lot of cool [ __ ] that. happens and you do a lot of [ __ ] that. you're never gonna be able to do. anywhere else. and then all that. cool [ __ ] that you did is gonna [ __ ] you. up for the rest of your life and that's. what the that's what they miss yeah you.

know and every time you say that it. falls on deaf ears until something like. this conversation comes out like what. we're getting ready to get into with. your transition you know all of our. friends that have shot themselves. all of our friends have committed. suicide all you know whether it's pills. whether it's the trigger whether it's. I mean should I try to kill myself in my. [ __ ] garage you know right in the car.

running and uh not that I don't want to. make this about me at all but. just about everybody I know had. has had one or more suicide attempts I. mean that flag right behind you of my. best friend [ __ ]. died of a heroin overdose damn bro you. know I mean. it nobody really. for a long period of time nobody really.

painted that picture of what the other. side of this what it looks like coming. out of it yeah you know and now it's. here. you know the World War II guys didn't. the Vietnam guys you know it just wasn't. talked about. you know what it was like coming out of. this everybody knew I think especially. with the Vietnam generation that. had [ __ ] those people up and [ __ ]. those guys up in the head and um. but nobody did anything. you know now this generation I mean we.

just got out of a 20-year War you know. 20 [ __ ] years it's the only time in. American history where somebody could. have gone in. into combat. and retired in combat yeah the entire. [ __ ] 20-year career. and look how those Wars ended yeah you. know. you think we should have been there. uh.

like. dude my biggest thing from like Iraq now. Afghan when we left. um. it's like all the work that we did you. know and like all the lives that were. sacrificed and all this stuff to like. get these strategic checkpoints in these. places and do these things and all the. IEDs that we had to find or function to. get that thing.

and then as soon as the day that we. leave the village all that stuff is. collapsed yeah for seven months of work. dude. so it's like how sustainable is that. um but. to be clear like when I'm when I was. over there I wasn't like I didn't I. wasn't carrying an American flag or. something like that I was literally just. like there. like from with my team to make it. through this thing and get back home.

you know. and like it doesn't seem like. the government's always on your side. they weren't on our side I mean we. talked about. we talked about the Roes. in 2012 and home improv Providence they. wanted to they wanted to take the whole. province. but we weren't allowed to shoot people. that were [ __ ] shooting at us. if they happen to drop their weapon. what the [ __ ] is that that's a country.

that's behind you that's not a [ __ ]. country that's behind you yeah. guys that have been on the show like. Eddie Gallagher the entire [ __ ] U.S. all of them all the media everybody hang. hung that dude out to dry for for. killing a bad guy that he didn't even. [ __ ] kill he did not even [ __ ]. kill him. you know in the Marine that did kill him. who confessed in court he even confessed. I'm the one that [ __ ] killed that.

dude and they still tried to hammer his. ass you know. not just not just the Navy the half of. the [ __ ] U.S population was on board. for to get this dude life in prison this. the Blackwater guys there's they're. pardons right there behind you you know. all signed by them yeah the the marsac. seven the task force violence those guys. you know. nobody's it's it's all we're we're we've. become like a country where we just.

[ __ ] eat our own they don't even know. people don't even know what the [ __ ] was. happening over there they don't know. anything about it but if ABC news or CNN. or MSNBC or fox or any of these [ __ ]. media companies say any anything bad. you know that that a service member has. done everybody just jumps on board. immediately [ __ ] that guy throw him in. prison give them the death penalty [ __ ]. these baby killers who the [ __ ] is gonna.

go fight for this place with that kind. of [ __ ] going on well the recruiting's. down yeah they can't even get anybody to. join the [ __ ] military anymore I. wonder why. you know yeah culture eats strategy for. these [ __ ] people in this country are. so [ __ ] self-entitled and tied to. their their meaningless [ __ ] that. it's just it's ruining the entire. [ __ ] country dude. nobody wants to join the military nobody.

wants to be a [ __ ] cop nobody wants. to do nobody wants to protect this place. because the protected. just [ __ ] over everybody that actually. gives a [ __ ] about where we live. that's rough dude. let's take a break I gotta change my. attitude. you've probably heard me talk about my. psychedelic Journey last year and all. the benefits that came from doing it one.

being that I haven't drank in almost a. year I have not had any caffeine in. almost a year my anxiety has gone my. anger is gone a whole list of benefits. came from that and it led me down this. journey of researching benefits of. mushrooms and fungi in general in my. research I found this company called Mud. water mud water is a coffee alternative. with four adaptogenic mushrooms and. herbs with a fraction of the caffeine as. a cup of coffee I have energy without. anxiety Jitters or the crash of coffee.

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SRS ZipRecruiter the smartest way to. hire. all right Prime we're back from the. break. we just wrapped up man I don't even I. don't even know what tangent we left off. on now but uh that's over so anyways we. talked about your first deployment we. talked about the inside attack the. active shooter. and you did some more MARSOC deployments.

I know you don't really want to revisit. all that stuff and you're wanting to get. into transitions so yeah medically. retired from the Marine Corps do you. want to talk about that. yeah so I was temporarily medically. retired and then they took it away after. two years and basically but uh. um. you know long story short I was at the. one of the Seer courses and I was in a. cage you know in the Captivity thing and. my back throughout my back was throwing.

out is having back issues you know where. I couldn't walk once you know it'll like. pop and then I couldn't walk for a few. days and then I would like slowly come. back you know yeah and uh but I didn't. know that there was something wrong. permanently or whatever so uh because I. hadn't got an MRI yet. so when I was at the sear course you. know and you're in the cage and I threw. my back down and I can't walk and I was. like kind of it was in they thought I. was in scenario because I was asking for.

medical help. and a stool and I was uh but it was like. no I can't walk you know so then luckily. that was at the end of that so I was. able to finish but then I got MRI. you know and then I have a. L5 S1 that's blown out you know my. bottom disc that's blown out on the. nerves and that's what's creating all of. the problems. right yeah so once I got that MRI then.

that opened up a can of worms like hey. he's Beyond limited Duty for six weeks. get another MRI and do a head to toe. assessment. right yeah so then once they did that. then they started getting into like oh. well he's got like you know. traumatic brain injury a lot of. concussions. um there's something going on on this. side with his eye and then there's a. problem with his inner ear.

and he's not equalizing and he can't. pass this die physical anymore. [ __ ] and so like. traumatic brain injury. uh getting like medically separated you. know yeah that started from a back MRI. and um. so anyway uh. and I was like about I was getting ready. to go on another deployment and uh I was. uh.

that wasn't like a combat deployment. um but getting ready to go and uh the. medical officer called me in I was like. hey you know because I was trying to get. my pain meds and different stuff that. they were giving me to go on deployment. get it signed off that I could take it. with the medic. and he's like hey I know you're trying. to work whatever it is but I want to let. you know that you're trying to hold on. right now. and I'm ripping you off like you're not. deploying and you're not when you walk.

out of this office basically you need to. start planning your life as to what. you're doing next. because you don't work you're not going. to be an operator anymore you know holy. [ __ ] you're done just like that huh yeah. which was good though because he was. like you know that whole thing of like. you're holding on and I'm ripping you. off you're [ __ ] done like you know he. was like and he was like but the reason. why is because if I deploy you. and you come back they're going to look. at you as like you're fit for Duty.

and like none of your injuries are real. you know and so I don't want to do that. to you or your family so I'm gonna make. sure that you like. get evaluated and get medically separate. like you know go through the proper. thing if you can get healed and come. back or whatever but. like you're not doing this job here. anymore damn you know and so like it's. kind of like an identity thing because. like you're all wrapped up and like oh.

I'm an operator and I am on this team. and I add this value and like I do these. functions on a team. and then that's taken away like that you. know. and it's like and then you're not. responsible like you don't have the same. um. because in the team dude you got to be. ready to move at a moment's notice to do. whatever is needed to do. and then now when you're out of the team. and you're on a medical hold. you don't have to do any of that.

so then it's like. you you know these guys are looked at. like. you know what I mean yeah and so that it. was like damn. but uh it was a blessing in disguise. because everything is you know but so I. start going the medical uh separation. thing is miserable horrible like. you know three appointments a day. they're all just like and what was wrong. with you and what was that and then did.

anyone document that it's like yes. and it's like this is miserable and this. is my existence and what am I going to. do when I get out and this is miserable. you know and it's like part of it is. being institutionalized in the military. we're so dependent on your paycheck. every two weeks and then now you're. getting out and you're like oh my gosh. how am I going to survive without the. government giving me that thing and it's. like oh well here's your disability.

right yeah and here's your uh temporary. retirement so here's your retirement. thing and and we're just going to send. you to appointments whenever we send you. and you have to be at everyone you can't. miss those so make sure you go to those. and then uh here's all your VA. appointments. and so like literally dude if I went I. don't go to any of those but if I were. to go to those that would alone be a. full-time job that I wouldn't have a. capacity to make yeah they did that to. me too they they.

make it they make it your job yeah they. will come up with all these appointments. for you to go to and they make it it's. like that's they make that your job your. job is to go to [ __ ] medical. appointments to doctors who don't even. give a [ __ ] about you. yeah you know that's that's that's your. new job yeah. for what three grand a month yeah and.

and that's your con that's your prize as. you get out yeah and then you can get. hooked onto that whole trap but. um. so. that's the thing right so the whole uh. Medical Board and all that stuff it. really like it crushed my confidence. dude. um. really bad you know you know because I'm. like going all these traumatic TBI. things and they're like uh. I'm miserable you know and I'm like.

having trouble like I'm like you know. doing extra movement where I'm like I. drive here and then I forget something. and I've got to go back or like I can't. find my keys or like. I can't find my phone or you know stupid. [ __ ] like that and it's like. and then I'll let that like that starts. taking over kind of thing right because. they're telling me in these appointments. that I'm never going to be able to keep. track of my keys so I have to need I'm. gonna need all these other training. things and I'm gonna have to like do all.

these like basically dummy proof things. and like whatever else but it's like all. this programming right that I'm not. going to be able to do it that I'm. basically like. you know yeah. it's like the opposite of empowering. someone to do something. it's like hey. not only am I not going to teach you to. fish but you're not really going to be. able to fish you're not really capable. of fishing anymore.

you know. over and over and over and it's just. like dude I really didn't have any. confidence when I got out you know yeah. at all I remember like I was so bad that. um. I had to hire a lady that because when I. got into business school at USC. one of my NBA one of my teammates I was. in my group was like he had hired an. organizer right and I had like all this. clutter of stuff that I needed to get. rid of from the military and just old.

stuff or whatever but I didn't have the. confidence to make decisions to get rid. of stuff. you know what I'm saying like I was at. that level this is after as I like. getting out. you know what I mean does that make. sense not exactly. so like it's just very like my. confidence was so low that I didn't have. the decision-making ability and. confidence to be like all that gear I. don't need out no [ __ ] oh so you weren't. I was like I don't know if I should keep.

it or not you are capable of basic like. I was just like rudimentary decision. making I was like Frozen in my like uh. confidence and stuff and so uh the only. reason why I got into business school. was because I got an invite an email. invite to go to information session that. was like right around my by my house. and when I went there I was like there's. no way that they would accept me and. when I was there they told me that they.

would let me get in like you know that I. would get in and that they could waive. my application process for that year. you know so I knew I could get in. because of that experience and what I've. learned at that thing so that gave me. more confidence to even apply because I. wasn't ready to do it that year I. couldn't take the deal that they offered. so I had to actually apply and I got in. the next year because I was still in the. Marine Corps dude so it would have been. too much for me to try to. yeah do business school while I'm doing.

medical whatever you know but that was a. per it worked out perfectly because I. literally got out of the Marine Corps in. like July of 2017 and I started business. school in August what was home life like. were you married yet yes how was that. going awesome dude so it was going good. when you got out that's like my been my. Saving Grace this whole time it was like. my wife and my kids man that's that's.

amazing I've never. heard that yeah yet no I I take that. back I take that back they're. one time on this show. Gallagher's wife yeah but um. yeah dude my wife and kids are the. number one but you like there was no. like. button heads yeah yeah we'll get into. that that's what I got out that's right. okay there's been a lot of wives who've. saved their husband's ass on this show I.

meant like the budding heads like. usually. the transition the marriage is either. done or it's about this close to folding. yeah we have some really tough times. okay yeah. but like that's what makes us stronger. you know yeah that strengthened our. relationship but she helped me to get. through that those times. um but uh. so as I'm getting out I go right into.

business school. but as I was getting out also there was. uh so calm there was a lady that worked. at our unit that was basically plugged. into Socom. care programs and so um one of my uh. former teammates was like having some. serious problems living on the street. and like some serious stuff so she. offered to send both of us to this event. right that's uh.

was a healing it was like a rapid. response therapy is what it's called but. it was uh an event that was uh. the Brian Bill Foundation that's from. extortion you know uh that his dad Scott. Bill started that thing and so uh. amazing organization but. so I got it invited to go to this thing. with my teammate. you know as I'm getting out. and I fly out to Florida and he didn't.

show up and so now I'm at this thing. I'm like I showed up because I was. supporting him like I'm not doing that. doing the therapy and they're like no. like you're here for the weekend you. might as well do it we have all these. like amazing therapists and support and. stuff here so I got a really good uh. therapist from Chicago like a very. Street guy that I connected with that. did rapid response therapy with me.

and so we did two days and the first day. he went in and basically hypnotized me. and then went in and was uh going in and. finding like bad data files and problem. things that were bothering me and like. bring them to the surface and. like dealing with them kind of thing. you know does that make sense yeah I. know what you're talking about I'm not. all day I've done that method yeah I. just went right to work with this guy. work you know yeah when I when he put me.

in the state I was just like boom boom. boom boom boom like trying to do as much. work as possible with them to like clear. [ __ ] do you remember it no not really I. remember some of the like you know. vaguely like the room I was in and stuff. like that but how do they hypnotize you. they have different techniques you know. where they ask you questions and they. have you you know. do this movement or what whatever it is. that kind of puts you in that trance.

um but they build a trust with you first. you know which is what worked with me. because I have trust issues yeah so I. mean that's got to be. I would be a little uneasy walking into. an office knowing that I'm going to get. hypnotized. yeah and you just got like so if you can. understand the context is dude this. guy's the guy's dad that's putting this. all on he's a gold star family member. his son died in extortion yeah you know.

and uh and so you're there and he's. literally in tears talking to you. telling you why he's doing that program. and like how he wants to like create. healing and opportunities for everybody. to go back to their life and stuff and. it's like. it's it's kind of hard in that. environment to be like I'm not going to. do this like I don't trust you well I. don't mean no but I know where you're. coming from I just want to give you like.

the vibe as when I was out there dude I. was like man. I have a special thing like a thing with. gold star family members like dude if. you lost your kid or your husband or. something like that like that's a very. serious thing you know and for them to. start an organization and then now. they're healing bringing us out and. doing this work I don't know man I'm. very resistant to everything just like. you with that you know and I was told I.

don't know what this is and I'm. resistant to all the therapy stuff too. but. the I got the right guy you know yeah. that was working with me so day one was. all. military stuff. and then day two he was like dude you. did so much work yesterday like. what do you want to work on today I was. like I don't know like I don't know why. but childhood. you know and then that opened up. the Pandora's Box.

you know because I didn't I buried all. that stuff yeah so then I got access to. all of it and then. um. it uh it allowed me to start healing. from it one because that's just like a. cancer dude so what is it like then so. you're hypnotized and then and then what. happens you're hypnotized and then you. know. they uh they start organizing you know. things and working through files with.

you like you know of different timelines. or. uh traumas that you experienced from. your you know. and uh and find like the root of the. thing that really was like you know. whatever it is and then try to address. it. um where they're like you know their. techniques are like to to try to close. out that data file you know and they. want to cancel it but like.

um from my experience it wasn't like a. One-Stop shop it opened up Pandora's box. when I came home. and then I was like you know. I'm navigating through my life and uh. starting business school and all this. stuff and then my son's like you know. seven years old. I started having the flashbacks of. whenever I was that age. some of the [ __ ] that was going on with. me. and then I started thinking like uh. if this happened to my kids you know for.

one week or if I caught a Peeping Tom. dude at my house or something like that. like yeah. I'm not saying that I would like. you know. even do physical violence to that person. but there would be something that would. happen that would be like a a life. change a turning point for that person. yeah and there'd be there's no possible. scenario that I can imagine that that.

would be going on for three to four. years. with my kids you know what I'm saying. without being like prosecuted dude so. like so I started to go down that rabbit. hole of like whoa why me why did I have. this. [ __ ] up childhood you know and then. like why did I survive. why did I survive the shrapnel the [ __ ]. The Insider attack why did I survive. this time.

with the bullets why did I survive this. when I survived this car wreck. why did I survive even fracturing my. skull and making it through that. like it's just like going down this. Rabbit Hole of like. it's all victim mindset. and uh. so it started to play like that so did. this help you or did it. this actually is what one of the things. that opened me up that brought it.

gave me direct access to these memories. you know. so where do you go I mean. where do you go from there did you go. back to the same therapist. no so that's like a remote thing so then. they flow back and we flew back here and. I stayed connected with them and I you. know did some calls with them and. whatever I'm still connected with them. um but basically after that you know I. did.

um. uh a certain experience like you know. because uh when I got out I was on like. 15 meds you know 10 plus meds getting. out of like pain meds to antidepressants. to you know migraine to whatever. different. nerve brain whatever. lots and uh when I would take even like. half of it you know.

I would just be a zombie dude and uh my. wife was like it's like you know when. you're in like a military brief or. something and people passing out and. you're like what dude wake up what are. you doing. it's like I felt like that was me you. know like I was like a zombie and my. wife was like like in the morning like 8. A.M or something like I'm sitting on the. couch and I took all my meds at seven or. something and I'm sitting on the couch. at like eight like.

you know. like dude I'm gonna go get her man yeah. I'm driven I have I'm always working on. I have a bunch of projects like stuff. that's going on. why would I be sitting there on the. couch at 8 30 with some with my wife. asking me what's wrong with you. it's because I'm on 15 meds. that they put me on getting out so first. I had to get off of all that [ __ ] yeah. all meds and they didn't want me to get. off you know and like the.

um they don't wait so you just have to. make up your mind and and stand with. with that but obviously if if you need. to be on a medication or whatever you. need to be on it and I'm not saying that. but for my situation. all of it I needed to get off. including Adderall when I was in school. I was taking Adderall for focus and. stuff. horrible bro. all of that stuff was uh I feel like.

working backwards you know and uh. creating like. it's like if my stress response is. already way too. blown why am I taking Adderall. dude that's horrible that's a horrible. combination you know. and then I'm hyper Vigilant yeah. um. anyway so getting off of meds.

and then. uh. when I got to business school I was like. I had 10 years sober of not drinking. but them being in groups you know being. in this big group at business school. every every other week you're in the. classroom with everybody and it was like. I felt like I couldn't do it like I. needed a and everybody was drinking and. stuff so I was like that's it I'm just. gonna have to start drinking again you. know. and so I use that as like a mask because.

I have social anxiety disorder you know. yeah. um. and uh. and so I was drinking. throughout my MBA program but I was. depressed. so I was like. counterproductive and then I stopped. taking all my antidepressants so then I. I was like. you there's no masking any of your. depression when you're like in that kind.

of state so. um. you know Bas I was getting out uh. like things were it's this was happening. in the background because all these. things were happening that were gaining. momentum you know like uh my partner Don. and I started these companies right that. was like everybody's like what are you. doing and we were gonna explain it and. they didn't really understand but then. it was like started to catch on. and then it was proven like things were.

actually like happening that we were. saying. and it was like all right cool and then. so. underwater torpedo League we were having. actual games and we had pools in. Southern California and then we were. doing training and so my first year out. of the military I did like a six-week. NFL training package you know. um. in 2018. and that was like uh.

an uh like a learning experience because. I've been training a lot of military. type yeah you know and uh whoever else. I've trained with the pool work but. training this NFL this group off season. like it was a whole different thing. um and then uh and then that just like. opened everything up after that so I was. like you know for six weeks we were at. this pool in San Diego with these like. 10 NFL dudes putting them through pull.

training while they were in their off. season right and they were hyped so like. while they were training we were playing. the underwater sport underwater torpedo. when we were training them and they were. learning to swim some of them. that were like pro bowlers That Couldn't. swim. you know what I'm saying so then they. were all like getting all this water. confidence and they were hyped and they. were playing this game and all this. stuff and we were creating a lot of Buzz. at that pool and it was like then David.

Marsh's Olympic swim coach that runs a. program called Team Elite. um with a bunch of Olympic swimmers came. I was like Hey I want to get involved. with what you're doing you know this is. just we just this is like one the week. that the NFL program ended then we. started like connecting with David Marsh. got to start training some of the. Olympic swimmers that were training for. Tokyo you know and then like out to work. with Coach Marsh. and learn and stuff like that and got. exposed to that now it's like soft NFL.

the uh Olympic swimmers UFC fighters. started to come. and Bellator Fighters uh. started to train with us you know weekly. and so then now we're training with them. and working with them through their. fight camps you know so it's like dude. there's some exciting things that were. happening yeah exciting at that time wow. but in the back all that's happening at. the same time. yes it is a very crazy because in the.

background like I would be driving from. place to place and be crying like tears. are just coming down. and I would have these like you know uh. I was severely depressed you know and I. was just like. masking it. and like putting on a front like a tough. guy. front you know like I'm tough but I. wasn't I was not doing well you know. what I mean.

yeah I know exactly what you mean and uh. and so uh. that works until it doesn't work. and so um. my second year of business school like. dude we're things were actually. happening we were in a business. incubator Program San Diego Sports. innovators which is like a shark tank. thing so I was like doing all these. presentations and like getting all this. feedback and you know it looked like. everything's moving in a in a positive.

direction with everything. um and then training was like my main. thing that I was passionate about. training all these athletes that had. like fights coming up competitions all. that stuff so I was like keeping myself. busy all the time but when I wasn't busy. dude I would start to get super sad and. depressed and start to it's like idle. mind is a devil's workshop you know. start to like have these a little while. to my thing work out like that why did I.

survive yeah all the survivor's guilt. and like imposter [ __ ] and then like you. know well I only had this many. deployments and why why do why am I. [ __ ] have PTSD like. those guys that have 20 deployments why. am I [ __ ] feeling sorry for myself. you know like all this [ __ ] dude. self-induced [ __ ] yeah. um traps and so. um. you know uh. one of my uh classmates who I didn't.

talk to before this but um he was a seal. at business school and he was like dude. you got serious problems man. like. I gotta I'm gonna connect you with. somebody who I think might be able to. help you you know because I was like. I was like just wild at that point you. know I really didn't care. um. and uh it showed. and so um.

I got connected with Marcus dude Capone. and uh and so that's another connection. here you know and uh and that ended up. in me getting saved is like this guy. Marcus started connecting me with. healing opportunities. that I was not taking you know and. connecting me with a guy that's one of. my good friends now miles. and uh miles started connecting me with. healing opportunities and uh.

I wasn't taking any of them because I. didn't want to go Network I don't want. to be in any group environment and all. this stuff you know. and so uh. just kind of weird how life works out. because like as I was in this breakdown. like I'm I was at UCLA Medical. being evaluated for mental health and. they were about to put me into like a. before we inpatient-like program you. know and uh I was not like I was just.

and while I was up there being seen at. UCLA I would be walking around the worst. neighborhoods at night in L.A hoping for. some [ __ ] yeah yeah. I've been there. so just like weird dude like why man. um but uh. I uh do you know why now you were doing. that.

the best thing is just like that I can. explain trying to explain it is just. like. it's real life in the street in the. middle of the night in the hood you know. there's no fake [ __ ] yeah it's real 100. percent. like there's no Theater Arts. there's no performances. it's like. real deal. you can be a hard target or a soft. target or you can be whatever it is but.

like. the real like you know and so. some for some reason I wanted to like. be it walking around and doing that but. um. you know. I saw I was going through all of this. stuff and like you know I think we. talked about. do we like having to never quit attitude. you have to have a never quit built into. you to go through certain things but.

then at a certain point you have to. understand how to surrender too and how. to forgive people and how to [ __ ] how. to let [ __ ] go and how to surrender. things and so I didn't understand that. quitting and surrendering are not the. same thing. you know yeah and like I didn't know how. to surrender anything and I was holding. all my resentment and all my stuff and. all my Grievances and all my problems. and all that stuff and I was just eating. me alive. and um. I ended up watching uh.

the uh Avicii documentary. do you know what that is I I don't. soviche is like a famous uh DJ artist. yeah that that killed himself and uh. there's a did he kill himself yeah I. didn't know that yeah but there's a. documentary out about his uh I mean his. documented that he killed himself I. wasn't there so but there's a. documentary about. um. his life and stuff and so it's called.

Avicii stories but vichi is one of my. favorite artists and I was watching this. documentary. and uh it's like you know dude they got. him he's like the most popular DJ in the. world at the time and whatever else and. he's like going on tour after tour after. tour after tour and he gets tired of it. and he's like telling all of his. business people like I don't want to do. this anymore like tired of all these. shows I hate shows like I don't want to. do it anymore. and uh whatever it was that he was. saying during that whole thing I was.

like holy [ __ ] like that's how I feel. about every day. you know every day is like a production. for me like I have to go out and be in. lights all these artificial lights with. these loud noises and [ __ ] that bothers. me and like all the stuff that was. driving me insane yeah and I was like. dude I don't want to do this anymore. like come and I was like damn like. I realized that I'm you know got the.

same [ __ ] that I'm watching this you. know that's like Suicidal Tendencies. you know yeah so. um for anybody that is has any of that. stuff. the best thing that I could say is just. anchor yourself you know. call one person. like connect with one person you know. and communicate and uh.

and so uh I was doing some things at the. time that like were anchoring you know. like I had my daughter it's like stuffed. animal in my car you know and I have. like. things that I was doing every week I got. rid of all my guns like all that stuff. you know you're really Hanging On by a. thread yeah and uh. and so they've been sending me these. healing things and I was like I'm not. going to any of that [ __ ] dude I don't.

care about meeting another soft person. or famous actor or whatever the [ __ ]. gonna be there you know. and uh so they sent me some private ones. you know and this is five Meo DMT. and I've been listening to podcasts that. they sent me with Mike Tyson talking. about he did that and when I was a kid. Mike Tyson was a heavyweight champ and. then he went to prison you know. and then now he's back and he's back in.

pop culture and he's back fighting now. you know and all this stuff but he did. the toe Journey I've known like I've. known about Mike Tyson my whole life so. now I'm listening to him doing this 5 mu. DMT and him saying that it changed his. life and all this stuff I'm like wow. maybe I have a chance. this has to be powerful enough to do. something. you know yeah so so I got one set up for. like a couple weeks from them you know a.

private. but things were going so bad at the time. that my wife had came home it was like. that week it was like. you need to do something now like. it's gotten like because my I was just. being I was not in a you know I was. checked out dude. so she was like you gotta find a. solution for this weekend you can't wait. till next weekend we get like you know. so I hit up so it was that bad it was. bad dude.

I had a bag packed and I didn't. think I was going to be living in my. house anymore I don't know. damn bro. yeah dude. so. I remember I went downstairs in my house. and I called the shaman. he was like. don't worry brother. this is going to be the best shoot Shake.

that you've ever imagined. and that was the last thing you told me. he gave me all the info where to be that. you know in two days and so. you know that next morning I drove up. to Stockton California wait 10 hours. you know. like I'm like in a like a maniac you. know. like.

really just like dude I was just not. at a point where. um. you know I was just saying out loud like. I didn't understand about setting. intentions and all that stuff before. going into that ceremony and stuff but. like uh. you know I was basically like I can't do. this anymore you know and that kind of. [ __ ] and then. um I got to Stockton stayed the night.

and then drove up to the spot the next. morning you know. and when I got there I was like man I. was like very scared. so scared dude. but I have no option left like but. scared like. like my life's ending kind of thing you. know. and uh and like trying to find any. excuse not to take this last turn to go.

to this spot you know and when I pulled. up it's like there's a car that pulled. up and there was a little girl in the. back seat. that looked at me that basically gave me. some type of like okay signal. of like you're good. and I was like you know I go I find the. gate I the address gate code. go in park my car and I get out and the. shaman comes up you know like a hundred. pounds.

in robes and everything. and like Hey brother are you here are. you gonna stay here and whatever and I'm. like I don't know man I'm just doing. this thing and then. I don't know. and so he's like okay so he takes me to. the back I don't know what anything what. any of those says dude. so they start the ceremony the healing. you don't you don't have any idea what's. going what's about to happen I know yeah. I've been listening okay I know it's a. transformational experience and all this.

stuff but like. like I don't know who's who there I. don't know that the other girl is. actually a Healer that works with him. and that this other girl is the only one. that's there that's getting healed like. me. but there's and that you know there's. four other people there three of them. were healers and one of them was getting. healed. you know but I don't know any like I'm. just like literally just. you know yeah. um and then. so. uh it's like a Warriors homecoming dude.

this is the best way to describe it like. um and uh it's not anything like you. know people will talk about like oh was. it drugs or micro dosing or anything. like that like this is not anything that. you would ever like. I'm talking about as a last-ditch effort. you know but like this is nothing that. you would do at a club this is nothing. that you would do anywhere where you're. out and about this is like. a once in a lifetime type thing you know.

um or like people that are suicidal or. have serious things that they're working. through that's the kind of stuff it's. not like a if you do it it's not. something that you can do like. regularly if that makes sense. so anyway it's a hard reset. you know just like when your computer is. messed up and your radio is messed up or. whatever it is and you press it and your. phone and you turn it all the way off. you turn it all the way on and then it. works better it defrags and it functions.

that's what I needed you know I needed. to turn off and turn it back on the hard. reset and I thought I was suicidal but. once I went through that process. uh you know I. so I did whatever couple rounds of five. Meo DMT that day I haven't drank since. before that so I have more than three. years of not drinking because of what I.

experienced in that. ceremony you know. and uh. and uh what did you experience what'd. you feel. you want to share any of that. yeah I like I won't go into like. divisions but um I ca I can't explain. some of it in that. um at first it's like feeling like. understanding how to surrender and let. go and that grievances don't matter and.

all these different things and all the. things that were holding me back were. just like total [ __ ] you know like. if you get pushed off a cliff right now. it doesn't really matter that you that. you're mad at your sister about this. thing that happened you know that she. said 10 years ago when you're going on. deployment. Let It Go dude you know like all those. things it was just like you know. let it all go none of it matters you. know. um and then it uh it started to.

reconnect me like with my ancestors and. my family tree. and start like showing me like to fix. all these fractured relationships and. stuff like that you know and uh and then. I'm like whoa and then. that's kind of the intro right the first. part which is like the handshake where. you do a lighter one you know are you. doing the actual. toad Venom are you doing the synthetic. I'm just curious or toe Venom you're.

doing the toaster the real yeah the. legit. like. mm-hmm mocha I'm just curious no so the. so the thing about the. um the individual Journey because then. you do the next journey and that's a. little bit bigger right it's a bigger. dose. and so that's like what you know when. you die what gets released in your brain. that's like the same kind of dose. so then you're going through uh a reset.

process. you know in 10 seconds. yeah and for me that first one was very. traumatic. yeah very traumatic. and uh. you know. it was like. showed me you know uh like put me into a. death put me through a death situation. and then have me feel the impact on my. all my people.

you know. and uh it have like a suicide note and. some other stuff so it's like suit it. hits super hard wow and it was a Life. review. you know how long did that last. um. I mean dude the The Experience who knows. maybe like time and space is really gone. at that point but yeah 30 minutes and. then but it took me a couple hours to. come back from that from that Trauma. from that. from that dose.

so it took me like I was like I thought. I was dead dude yeah I thought I was. like a little kid again I was in this. like rose garden. I was like I didn't believe that my car. was outside you know like all that stuff. and I went through like a full death. you know thing experience rebirth on the. back end but I wasn't feeling that yet I. was feeling that I was gone. you know and like I was wandering around. this crazy place I was at.

in like a rose garden there's like a. little swimming hole there's like these. little mushroom like dude. I was like man this doesn't look real. man these guys are 100 pounds in robes. this doesn't look real like I felt like. I was like in the afterlife or something. you know yeah it was different from from. it was just a very Divine experience but. did you um. sorry to interrupt did you wear a. blindfold. or did you.

where did you do it were you outside. yeah I was out in the woods dude. um. and I was on the ground in the woods. with a blindfold no you didn't wear a. blindfold no but uh you you uh. you know you keep your eyes closed. pretty much because like that's part of. surrendering is like you close your eyes. and you flow through the experience yeah. you know you kind of have to like and. just like TR you know.

like follow your heart dude you know. yeah through it and breathe. um. but uh what was your question brother. that was it you're the uh you're the. only person I know other than myself. that did it without a blindfold. but I opened my eyes after the death. experience I open my eyes and it was. [ __ ] amazing yes and for me it's like. a halftime show because it's like when. you open you think you're done and you. open your eyes that's when the second.

part kicks in it's like. whoa you know it's a lot of downloads. and stuff like that but you know. when I went into this one that first one. like I had zero awareness of any of this. stuff that it exists that it works. um spiritual stuff like. connecting dots of things that are. happening like all that stuff I had no. awareness I was just moving like like a. a direct Azimuth you know like.

yeah I wasn't like. seeing the whole picture of things so it. was crazy night and day because when I. left that those ceremonies dude well so. we did one more to finish off. and that one was like uh normally you. kind of lay back and this one kind of. brought me up and was like this was you. how you're gonna go into your life. you know like these are the next steps. kind of thing and it was like. and I felt then like uh you know because.

I wanted to share my experience at that. time with all these people like with a. million people you know of like you know. because I was thinking like dude imagine. all the people that killed themselves if. they could have had this or people that. are in prison for the rest of their life. dude or someone that killed someone that. was like if they would have had this. they wouldn't have done that you know. yeah or whatever it is. they would have had access to this. you know and you wish that and I was. like dude I feel like you know.

um. like. I want to make a huge impact with mental. health with this breakthrough that I. just had at this thing this is like when. I'm still in my car. so. if you don't mind I want to fast forward. what to when you got home. would your wife say when you walked in. the door. she was blown away dude like immediately. you could tell like as soon as she saw. you immediately.

like eyes can't eyes colored looking. youthful fresh rejuvenated. like new lease on life you know like. um I remember she like gave me a new. haircut and like. it was like dude night and day bro like. I was in a whole new level a whole new. dimension and like got a whole uh Fresh. Start how about your kids loved it dude.

like you know you don't realize it but. when you're in that negative State it's. a ripple effect and it affects everybody. around you you know. so I really hate that my kids had to be. you know. involved with that but like dude that. just it's more of a driver for me to. show up every day now and just to be the. best that I can yeah it's funny you. mentioned that because that's. um.

when I came home from that. my five Meo experience. days after weeks after I I realized. um. how much of a negative impact I was. making on my family. because I could see. how. me being such a judgmental person rubbed.

off on my wife and uh. that was sad to see in a lot of other. things too yeah you know but that was. the. easiest to describe right now in a short. period of time and and uh yeah. and to see like and to see. that knowing that you're the [ __ ]. cause of it you know.

did you see that. yeah but like you know I just with. you know the the breakdown that I had. for you know that period when I got out. of transition you know that that put a. lot of stress on my wife you know yeah. and uh. and so that really. you know. I I use it as motivation to just like.

show up as best as I can and you know. it really just. you know. because that's like my family is first. you know it's the most important thing. and like my kind of Guiding Light of. what's important to me. and uh. and so but like dude another thing is. like you know I've noticed that you know. we kind of. the people that you trust is who you'll. show your true colors with you know and.

like when I'm stressed when I have like. you know [ __ ] going on or whatever and I. have one of my close friends that I. haven't been around for a while. sometimes I'll go off on them you know. yeah and it's like dude I didn't mean to. do that but I realized why I did this. because I trust you that I can act like. that around you you know and whatever. yeah that's a good point but uh. but um. yeah dude so my wife like and she was. the driver for me to go and she's like. you need to go now you know so when I.

went I was like. I mean. it was like a one-way trip I didn't. really ha like I was out dude I don't. know man I had. I didn't I didn't think that I was gonna. like be this experienced like that and. then I was gonna I didn't see the back. end part of it yeah so I was just going. up there really scared had a. breakthrough experience came back and. then you know. that's opened up all this stuff you know.

since then so yeah you've done several. Journeys. since then you've done. different types of Journeys what's. what's the one what's the most other. than the 5meo because that's. nothing's like five I mean that's it. dude that's it. if there was another one. that you had a powerful experience with. what would that which one.

what would it be. um I mean uh. I would say the DM the other DMT the. changa the bark okay you know. um which is a lighter. form but you could still have some. pretty significant breakthroughs with it. um that's definitely probably my second. can you describe that experience. yeah so. um. it's basically like uh.

you know you smoke it. the the bark and it's from the acacia. tree and um. you uh have an experience probably. within 10 or 15 seconds. um where you'll be uh losing perception. of time and space. you know and uh and basically uh. let uh letting go of control and and. basically uh your brain's not able to.

assign meaning to everything anymore. you know so you're like in the. you're in this uh. kind of vortex. that I would explain it sometimes it's. patterns and shapes and whatever else. but. um. a lot of times and and all of this stuff. is like with your what depending on what. your intention is going into it you know. so for me my intention has been to get. health like mentally mental health and. like lean in and deal with any of this.

trauma stuff that has been brought up. you know and so I'll go in with a coach. and do that for specifically to deal. with this thing to lean in and like face. this thing so you get a very specific. purpose yeah. is it euphoric is it like is it like the. second half of the five Meo yes it is. exactly that's exactly like it what it. is. yeah. it's it's uh do you feel the energy.

like you do yeah yeah and it's usually. it's always like a different takeaway. you know what I mean. like it's like and sometimes it's deep. sometimes it's not sometimes it's real. simple but it's like connects to a lot. yeah you know. and it's like. um. like examples like well I did it and I. had this transformational experience but.

I had to piss. it's like well why didn't I just piss. before the thing. why don't I just like and how to if I if. I just did simple things like that how. much easier would everything be. you know what I mean but I make it hard. because I'm like I'll just wait you know. but. that's that grunt grunt mentality just. grown it out it's like oh I'll carry all. these boxes myself yeah. no but what's up brother.

I don't know if you experienced this but. when I did five Meo and I hit and I. broke through and I opened my eyes. like I could see the ocean I could see. the trees I could see the sky and you. always hear about the energy right ever. the energy flows through everything. I didn't see anything that wasn't there. but I had this intuitive.

experience where I could. see. the energy flowing through everything. yeah. but it didn't look any different. than what it looks. when I'm not on 5meo DMT if that do you. know what I'm saying. sorry at all I've seen it like but it's. like an intuitive it's you know it's. there you're like. that's the [ __ ] energy that. everybody's talking about yeah or not.

everybody but you know the people that. have experienced that is that the. experience you get on DMT without the. death experience you can feel the energy. uh sometimes okay. um. and uh. but dude every time is different and. sometimes it's like wow this is like. there's a lot of visuals or sometimes. it's like you know.

um. it's like a uh. it feels like a big release where. sometimes it takes you down a rabbit. hole and it's like. kind of plants a seed and then that's. the point is every time that you do any. type of work like this it's like you do. it with a professional one and then. afterwards integration you know. integrating but like you know if you. think about it.

um we live in a society with a lot of. like noise and stuff politics TV Fox. News CNN this this this this this this. and dude that's too much already. information for me. like I'm on a low information diet at. all times no TVs in my house besides. like the screen that my kids can watch. movies on and I can watch a UFC fight or. whatever that like that's it not TV.

programming all that kind of stuff yeah. you know. um. and when I'm around other family members. and people that have like you know Fox. News or whatever going all the time it's. like. not the vibe dude yeah no I'm I get it. um. let's move into stem cell. that's something I've been very. interested in I haven't done anything. I've got a lot of back problems yeah. and talking to you last night it's like.

it's carried your back yeah so I'm. really really interested in the stem. cell stuff yeah and that's another. connection dude because as you know I'm. staying at the. the mansion. is it a stem cell guys yeah and uh. Scotty and Ed but. um so uh you actually went to their. event the other night but those guys are. awesome and so I got plugged in one of.

the fighters that I train uh Dom Cruz a. couple years ago was like dude. because I was throwing my back out and. he was like you got to get in with these. guys so they got I got my first stem. cell like two years ago. um. intervenous. stem cell and then once it was all in. then they had me face down and they gave. me six injections right in my L5 S1 area. of like B vitamins and O3 ozone shot.

just to create a lot of inflammation and. uh dude ever since that day I've been I. haven't like my back's been great I've. been running like lifting heavy training. like doing kicks like all kinds of stuff. dude I mean just like that fix it. like I mean confidence wise it took me a. couple weeks to be like nothing's gonna. happen stability you know whatever and. another thing that works is just. strength and conditioning like doing at.

least one strength training a week of. like keeping everything stable. but yeah dude. that has been a total Game Changer and. I've gotten stem cell twice since then. with them CPI mm-hmm. and where else did you get it. um well I tore my shoulder out or I had. a. tear in my shoulder last November and so. I got another intravenous right but I.

got it for my because my shoulder was. jacked up and so. um it worked yeah damn this shit's crazy. dude yeah do you know. huh do you know the science behind it at. all or what not enough to wear like I. can't explain I would. screw it up but it's basically Wizardry. and Magic that works. Roger that uh Wizardry and Magic but.

yeah dude it's all about access to. information and finding the real tools. and the real things that work if you're. getting support in the VA and the naval. hospital and whatever else if you're. getting actual treatment and things that. are working for you hats off to you 100. I have not had that experience so. everything that I'm looking for. solutions for outside of the yeah. conventional. um Network. what are you getting into now.

um with work personal yeah man you got. all kinds of good [ __ ] going on you've. got a book coming out yeah right. when's that coming out. um who knows dude yeah but uh hopefully. uh be be rounds complete on that thing. uh right around when Santa comes down. the chimney and uh at the end of the. year or like you know finishing in. January okay yeah but we're like.

finishing we're like our our pre-launch. for the for that book just went live so. basically over the next two months we'll. be like getting our publisher we. actually just had a publisher hit us up. today well in the in this since we've. been sitting here oh nice but like. basically getting a publisher lined up. that's going to be the right fit and. then pre-selling it getting more. feedback and then finishing the book. it's probably 75 percent done right now. you got it you gotta produce sale.

already though correct yes. and then. utl dude utl and deep in Fitness is my. main thing you know I do a lot of like. mentoring and coaching and stuff on the. side but. um you know my day job is I'm the CEO. and co-founder of utl and deep end. Fitness so utl is we just finished. season 11 Aqua bowl last Sunday so. that's you know I don't know if you saw.

any other stuff but like uh all of. season 11 is on YouTube the highlights. so you can go to YouTube and see all. that yeah you know but utl we're pushing. to spectator sport and that's what I. want to talk about so. you guys took a sport you and and Don. Don Asian Rambo. Asian Rambo who you were in. and we worked at the pool together so. all that you know fed in and then we got.

out at the same time yeah we played this. at the team when I was in or something. similar was that underwater hockey yeah. it was they sunk the Nets I think we. used a brick but um. but um anyways you took a sport. or kind of a made up sport that was. popular in the soft world. and brought it. damn close to mainstream yeah it's close. it's right about to burst but it's viral.

on social you know and stuff like that. but. um. it still hasn't hit mainstream but it's. it's close but uh when we started. so we you know uh like even back when I. was at Iraq and I was at camp al-assad. at the end of deployment and there was. all there was all these pictures of all. the team guys that played well on these. water polo teams that were stationed at. al-assan. and I was looking at it and I was like. dude.

why aren't these underwater football. teams you know and I was back in 09 when. I was in Iraq you know oh yeah oh wait. it's like. those are the thoughts that I was having. and it's and then fast forward uh why. isn't this a sport and then like sitting. I'm I remember imagining teams you know. and like. why isn't it and then when we got out. you know looking all the different stuff. and then through different courses that. I went to and coaching is like what are.

my passions and interests intersect. and then that's when I started thinking. well what happened to that idea about. that sport you know and then I started. looking at the landscape of Underwater. Sports. you know since the 1900s and Olympic. sports and the nature of Olympic sports. and I was like dude this fits with. Olympic sport in nature and. um Underwater Sports like the underwater. hockey and underwater rugby were started. in 1940 or 1950. right from water.

enthusiasts they still haven't really. like they're really built out in a lot. of areas they are and they have Network. and they have flow and they're like. pushing towards Olympic demonstration. and whatever else but like they haven't. still haven't popped to the surface you. know what I'm saying yeah whereas like. that's what so we're we got a lot of. learning from that but like our goal you. know since we started is to make it a. spectator sport show it that way we can. get it to the Olympics and we could. blast it everywhere because that's.

incredible because like talking about it. you don't get it you know and then when. we show it it's like. okay I get it but when we started dude. it's like that pack mentality that we're. talking about that like all those trolls. and the group thing and people will. comment on all of our stuff like people. this can't be possible this isn't a. sport people are gonna die where's the. oxygen masks. like all this stuff right and then like. slowly all that noise over time goes. away it's like you know to where now and.

every season we've worked out Kinks You. know yeah because season one was like. backyard wrestling. you know like violent like you know like. the rules weren't set completely so. every season it gets safer we line out. the rules and it gets more professional. and we even add production value with. like the officiating the sport and like. how we announce the teams you know oh. that's awesome we had like start you. know like the national anthem like all.

these things that like you know it's. it's sweet dude but the community of utl. is is what makes it that's what makes it. like worth doing how big is the. community well right now there's six. teams that are active right there's six. teams yeah that and so they just. competed in the aqua Bowl so the top. team that just won it's uh the third. year in a row that Irvine won the. championship but basically there's six. teams. and you know all of those players are.

like the they're they're at the top of. the food chain with with everything that. we do right but then we have deep in. Fitness that's the training methodology. that we started right and so deep in. Fitness is like kind of CrossFit our. version in the water. with underwater training and all of that. that we're basically spreading across. the country that's cool man and when we. started it was like this isn't allowed. you know. so a lot of there's no underwater.

training allowed and like. and all these things and it's like dude. we we've been doing this you know we. train close to 10 000 people since we. started we haven't had anybody like. with serious injury or hospitalized or. anything like that like and we've done. research studies proving the benefits of. this so now like we work with the Red. Cross we work with all these different. agencies to where now when we go into a. pool it's like do we have 70 pools on.

our insurance. like oh damn you know like so to where. we but but dude it was to get pull one. two three four it took a lot more work. some you know and stuff to get those and. now we've been doing this for five years. you know. um when the pandemic hit the week before. it hit uh The Today Show came out you. know and was hitting us up for like a. month before that was like dude get your.

life ready because everything's about to. blow up for you guys get all your legal. stuff handled because your life's about. to change cornhole is on TV every week. and what you guys have is like 100 times. better than that and your story and all. this stuff so. Today's show is coming out to tell our. story and then we were gonna like start. blowing everything up. and as the week Kelvin hit you know oh. man so the story never aired will it air.

no no dude this is March of 2020. yeah. [ __ ] I guess. we definitely hit him back up three. years later yeah. a throwback. uh the one that never was yeah. um. but anyway so we went through that dude. like everything shut down on us you know. um. low you know really hard times. um. so yeah it's a lot of ups and downs you.

know. um doing that but like this whole time. we've had people moving you know moving. out from the East Coast because they saw. what we're doing online and they. literally show up to a session and they. have nowhere to live. and then they move in with one of the. people that with like that one guy moved. in on Don's couch for a little while and. now that guy is in in the Q course no. way yes. no so it's like that shit's going on bro. wow and it's like that's a hope ship you.

know like how can you shut that down. just because we're running low on. finances or because we're gonna have to. figure this thing out you know there's. people literally moving across the. country with no place to live to just to. be part of this. wow you soon you know what I mean like. that's big and then people at the pool. are having breakthroughs there's people. that are going from holding their breath. for 15 seconds to doing it for a minute. to two minutes to three minutes to four.

minutes you know like whatever that is. and having some serious breakthroughs. around what's possible for them in. relation to what they've been putting. out. that's amazing you know and it's like. empowering that is yeah. and and when it's like when they come up. and that dude people will cry and. they're like I've been holding back you. know whatever like top athletes whoever. you imagine and I and it's like what. else is what else did you think you. couldn't do.

what else wasn't possible you know yeah. like let's go get that [ __ ] you know. um. so but dude the water is a is a cheat. code because when you go underwater. you're in a survival situation in a. second. so that's a huge training opportunity. right there that's. true so it's like dude I can we can go. to the gym for an hour and maybe we can. get in the zone or something mentally. after we start but like dude we're gonna. have to get in the zone mentally when we.

go underwater. fast like by the second go you know or. else you're not gonna be down there. you're not gonna be able to do [ __ ] yeah. you know if you can't control your mind. and so then it goes into like cognitive. control self-mastery and all this stuff. but the methodology and everything that. we use to keep it simple is like an. acronym and it's free so Focus. relaxation economy of motion efficient. breathing. so just like I was saying earlier Focus.

mental focus closing out all the mental. tabs and just being singularly focused. on one thing I love how you. I love that expression close out all the. tabs. just like on a browser yeah dude close. the tabs out. it it's uh. it's just it's a really simple way to. put it into perspective you know. yeah I mean Human Performance is. interesting it's like an algorithm but.

the way that I like kind of makes sense. for me is thinking of my mind or my. operating system in relation to like a. computer yeah or a phone. and I'm like oh today I need to defrag. and organize you know or like I need to. be in low power mode because I'm getting. sick or you know whatever it is dude or. because I've been working way too much. and I'm going to take better care of my. health yeah. um but Focus right closing out all those.

mental tabs and being singularly focused. on one thing like and best examples like. a UFC fighter right as they call them. call their name out you know they get. all this anxiety and build up and it's. like they've been an eight week or a. 12-week training camp or whatever and. now it's like. you they made all these commitments to. their coaches to Media to all this stuff. and now it's like now it's just real. and it's like sometimes that you know. that's a lot to deal with especially. with like sometimes the crowd and you.

know the emotions and all this stuff so. it's like. letting go of all if you have all these. other tabs open that's not going to. serve you. so just being singularly focused on one. thing like having your your purpose your. why why you're doing it and your. intention. it might just being clear boom and. moving forward and then relaxation. um is energy expenditure right. um being letting go of any extra. attention or any extra uh energy that.

you're wasting that's not like. performance enhancing or like leading. towards optimal flow. um so like you know you can go into that. are you an introvert or an extrovert or. like where the people and places and. things that are you're getting your. energy from you know like me I get a lot. of recharge from being alone. you know. so that's an example and then economy of. motion is Flow versus drag right so um.

any extra movement or bad movement like. in the pool or moving around in any. sport or in life pattern of life is drag. it's like extra movement that can be. eliminated to add flow you know what I. mean yeah so um how can we. identify drag eliminate drag to add more. flow. so as an athlete physical drag with. anything that you're doing in the pool. in in whatever movement of whatever.

Sport and then mental drag is next so. what mental drag what traps come into. your mind when you're trying to hold. your breath for four minutes and you're. a starting pitcher for the Padres. you know what are the mental traps that. come into your mind. what are the mental traps that come into. your mind uh two weeks before fight week. and yeah your next UFC fight and you're. holding your breath for three minutes. and you're cutting weight. what comes into your mind then you know. what I'm saying yeah.

um and then emotional drag like we're. talking about like forgiving like. healing relationships and like putting. yourself around people that are gonna. make you socially resilient. and um efficient breathing. so really like being in the most optimal. breathing pattern but with all this. stuff I've been kind of talking about it. like as it relates to life but really. like our we started from a focus of. having an optimal perform with the. underwater training.

but it just so happens that that's like. directly related to being in any. stressful situation and how to optimally. perform and that goes with uh tactical. athletes Elite athletes from All Sports. and high performing Professionals in. business and everything yeah you know. how many athletes are you turning. currently. like me personally yeah. um. dude I.

I probably work with about 40 different. individuals right now just like wow. um so you got a full plate I do have a. full plate and I keep a full plate on. purpose and like if I have people if I. have things falling off I'll add more or. whatever. because I want to make as much impact as. possible and I love coaching you know. and when I'm coaching it keeps it keeps. me sharp because I'm learning from every. single person that I'm working with you.

know with every single thing dude people. that went to the Olympics that didn't. that failed I learned from all that. stuff they carry the Lessons Learned. back you know from every athlete from. every struggle that they have and like. working through creating Solutions with. every person that I got to work with. challenged athletes adaptive athletes. coming back from having a stroke you. know losing their legs. and showing some teaching someone how.

their new Body Works in the pool. like dude. that I live like that's like those are. my favorite things how fulfilling is. that that's it damn that's it dude I. built there's a. um there was a diver that uh that I. worked with a scuba diver that was an. executive in San Diego that had a stroke. and his left side of his body stopped. working you know as a result and so uh.

he got back in the pool with me for the. first time since he had his thing and. was like uh taught him we worked we. created a a way for him to have a combat. side stroke on one side and a recovery. stroke on the other side oh wow and it. was dope man I was like and so. um and like my connection with people. like that I'm like those experiences. that I've had in the last five years of. since I got out and I've been doing the.

training out it's been you know I carry. those with me for sure. that's awesome man that's like I mean to. teach I mean. that's fulfilling yeah bro. so. and uh deep in Fitness is like. it's interesting because it and utl it. attracts a warrior class of people you. know so it's not just military dude it's. like you know we got a uh a guy that.

that's an MMA fighter that runs the. program in in Vegas deep in Fitness. Vegas and he runs it with he's partnered. with a lifeguard you know and they run a. badass program out there you know but. we've got like you know water polo. players that were like Collegiate like. national champion at UCLA that runs. Newport pool. that light is one of the best programs. we've got a professional surf program in. San Clemente it's like all the best.

young Surfers and all that stuff and. like. um in Miami it's like crossfitters you. know uh we have Army Rangers that run. the program like dude all types of soft. and uh. and so it's awesome man it's like a. crazy network of all people that it's. military and civilian but it's like a. warrior class of people that's really. cool that's interested in pushing it. pushing. pushing to see what their potential is. you know dope that is cool yeah.

well brother. I think that's wrapping it up nice dude. how do you feel. I feel fine. um. no man dude uh I love this show like I. watched the show so it's you know kind. of surreal feels like it was like a chop. in the bucket dude but it's just it's.

been great being out here dude thanks. for having me out and uh this is a super. special spot. um and thing that you have going man so. uh I'm just stoked and honored to be a. part of it and uh you know my intent. coming on here is is impact you know and. I hope that anyone that heard this like. you know get something take something. positive away from it. oh there's a lot of impact man and uh.

I'm sure you're gonna feel it as soon as. we release this we'll be getting emails. messages. it'll be awesome. but uh. prime it was a real honor man get to. know you I'm glad you came out and uh I. know we're gonna stay in touch and. best of luck to you man seriously real. honor yeah you too thanks brother thank. you. thank you. [Applause]. [Music].

hey everybody I'm Sean Ryan click here. to subscribe to the Sean Ryan Show. YouTube channel for the hottest and most. compelling interviews that you will not. see anywhere else I've also made a. playlist of all the previous SRS. episodes so they're easy to find you can. find that. right here.