Prime Hall - MARSOC Raider Shares His Darkest Memories / Trauma to Transformation | SRS #55 Part 1

hey everybody welcome back to the Shawn. Ryan show this week we got another. two-part series with former Marine. Raider in marso critical skills operator. Prime Hall we start with his childhood a. very traumatic. childhood I would like to make a. suggestion if you're going. through child abuse some kind of a. situation at home please watch this. there's some advice from Prime on what. to do when you're going through through.

that kind of stuff if you know somebody. that's going through domestic. abuse or child abuse watch this there's. advice in here for you prime is a hell. of a person he's overcome a lot of. trauma and this is going to help tens of. thousands maybe hundreds of thousands. maybe millions of people so please share. this good. news vigilance Elite gummy bears those. of you that are subscribed to the.

newsletter or our patreon you guys got. first dibs there's a couple of bags left. for the general public head over to. seanryan show.com pick them up and if. you're not subscribed to the newsletter. please do that patreon thank you all for. the support you are who makes this show. possible if you can't do either of those. please head over to Apple podcast and. Spotify leave us room review with that.

being said let's get to the show love. you all cheers. [Music].

[Music].

[Music]. Prime Hall welcome to the show. man thanks for having me brother dude. it's an honor I've been following you. for a couple years now Nick keus my good. friend uh we've been friends for a. pretty long time told me that I should. start looking into your story and um.

yeah so I've been I've been Instagram. stocking you for a couple years now and. and um sorry I just I'm very particular. with who I bring on here and um I just I. really like the way you carry yourself I. like the message you're putting out lot. of. positivity uh around what you're doing. and. um and I have a feeling this is going to. be one of the deepest episodes I've ever. done uh especially talking to you last. night and learning a little bit about.

a very smidget into your. childhood I think that's going to help a. lot of people uh who are coming from a. broken. home and then getting into your military. stuff in your transition and and some of. the things you've been through I know. it's going to be a very very very. powerful episode possibly the most. powerful one I've ever done and uh which. is weird saying that um considering I. don't know a whole lot about about you.

but I can tell there's a lot in there. and uh I'm just really happy you're here. man I know I just have this overwhelming. feeling that this is going to help a lot. of people so thanks for making it yeah. thanks for having me brother it's it's a. real honor um and I've been it's like we. were talking about last night how these. things connect but I've been watching. the show you know for over a year now. and people around me watch it and you've.

had several of my close people and U. people that I respect a lot on the show. so you know it's an honor to sit here. where I know a lot of um these Warriors. have sat and you know people that I care. a lot about so thanks for having me. brother my pleasure man but um so rough. childhood grew up by yourself I remember. you saying that you know 14 you were out. on your own became a Marine.

Special. Operations now you are you started the. underwater torpedo League which sounds. like it's going to be a what do you call. it a spectator sport spectator sport and. Olympic sport that's amazing yeah and uh. I've kind of watched I've been able to. watch you grow that and uh the fact that. it kind of started as an idea and now. it's all the way to this in that amount. of time. is it's a i I've never known anybody who.

developed a sport and um so that's. awesome and uh and I learned you got a. book coming out here pretty soon so I. can't wait to dive into that and um man. we just have so much to cover so much. ground to cover psychedelics transition. getting better. childhood all kinds of stuff so. um let's start we'll start with. childhood and just go through your whole.

life story this is your biography. but everybody gets a gift all right. almost everybody gets a gift before. before we get into the weeds. yeah surreal any. guesses uh gummies gummy you're the. first one to guess. it yes solid bro there it is all right. cool there it is.

thank you man my pleasure enjoy them. legal in all 50 states some you know. fortunate for some some are disappointed. in that but yeah no dude but um so. before we get into. childhood I want to uh I have a patreon. community vigilance elad patreon. community and we go over all kinds of. stuff in there uh it's an awesome. Community but one thing that I do is I. give them um a preview of who the.

upcoming guests are on the show and. there are there are top supporters there. why you're sitting here they're why I'm. sitting here. they're they're the reason all this has. come together uh really the sole reason. this is all come together because I. couldn't Finance this all by myself um. so it's from them so anyways I give them. an opportunity to ask the upcoming guest. questions and um there were two really.

good questions that I. think are perfect for you and um so the. first patreon questions from Dan. wessinger and his question is when. working with different demographics. professional athletes Olympic athletes. military members regular folks who has. the most fortitude who says screw this. I'm done first just curious I'll bet we. would be surprised.

that's a great question and um just. understanding that there's outliers with. every population you know that there's. you know so it's not a cookie cutter. thing but generally W with what I've. seen with different uh Elite athletes is. that martial. artists like UFC fighters for example um. have them have a the most are up there. with the most uh mental fortitude and. that they're going to push themselves. beyond what their limits are um to.

stretch themselves and that's part of. self-mastery and that's evolving that's. what martial arts is about um and so you. know like how that translates into some. of the training that we do is like. they're the ones that are going to show. up the most that they're going to push. themselves the most underwater or with a. breathhold or with their training in. their fight camp that they're doing with. us at the pool or whatever it is that. they're doing you know that martial. artist UFC Fighters and and pro MMA.

fighters for example are at the top. Olympians generally are have a drive. within them that I've from my experience. that's from a very young age that they. have something in them that basically. they have a drive to get to the top of. the mountain you know and be there first. and so Olympians have a uh have a very. their Drive will I from what I've seen. will take them far in training and. competition um.

and then you know. um so that's kind of the top things that. come to mind and then tactical athletes. are have a lot of similarities with that. too with martial arts because it's like. you know you're developing yourself and. you're pushing yourself beyond your. limits and that's part of self-mastery. too who do who are the first ones to say. screw it who are the padas are there do. you work with. any um you know uh uh the those type of.

ego type of things or those that type of. culture really doesn't fit with us so. you typically uh you know individuals. that have issues like that they don't. really stay for too long or if they're. coming to build confidence then we work. with them to build confidence and it's. like a crawl walk run okay building. block approach but if it's a if it's. like a ego thing like and they're not. willing to work or whatever and it's a. primadonna thing thing like with what.

you're saying then like you know uh. typically the sports that make the most. money if that makes sense like that. would be something that that you would. experience from that but then that's not. a cookie cutter saying thing saying that. every NFL or every you know type of. athlete like that that that's on that. type of uh payroll you know is going to. act like that but they might be less. motivated to hold their breath for four. minutes than some someone that's a UFC.

fighter that's up and coming that's like. you know they're hungry they're making. 30 grand a fight you know or whatever. and they're like they have an. opportunity you know but from my. experience it's not it's about your why. too and your and and not it's not money. is not a a a sustainable why you know. what I'm saying so it has to be like you. know um an inner and outward Focus this. thing makes a lot of.

sense um there was one other question. from patreon that I thought was really. good too and it is something we haven't. discussed it's a long question so I'm. not going to read it all but it's from. Jackson. Brown and what he's asking is did you. ever consider a plan B before joining. the. military and we get this question a lot. we get we get that question a lot you. know should I have a backup plan and and.

uh I will probably chime in on this but. go ahead it's like a trick question cuz. uh that's saying burn your ships at the. shore you know you don't want a backup. plan in certain circumstances right. because then that gives you an out yeah. you know but then in in contingency. planning you always want a primary an. alternate contingency you know emergency. if you can plan but with this with going. into the military I'll answer my own.

first um I didn't have a plan B my. grandfather helped me get my court stuff. figured out so that and made deals with. the judge to get me into the Marine. Corps instead of going like to jail you. know yeah so like my thing was like I. needed to get all my court stuff cleaned. up and I I had no other options I was. like basically like just I was going I. was just getting into two much trouble. and I needed to get uh find some purpose.

and some like. uh what do you call it. um uh learn how to deal with authority. and like domesticate myself a little bit. you know like yeah um so uh but um I I. didn't have a plan B I was like like by. the grace of God I got into the Marine. Corps after a year of like paperwork and. waivers and [ __ ] [ __ ] you know um so but.

for anybody going into to the military. like and we we'll get into it but like. first I recommend like well what options. do you have outside the military why are. you going into the military like and. then make sure that it's something in. the military that they're seeking that. they're going to actually get going in. yeah and then what's their why going in. and then yeah if you're going in and. you're going to be uh and you're going. to go into a job like a p or something. that feeds into some another job.

opportunity in the civilian world or. whatever then you can start to map that. out and create like a operational. strategic plan right but if you're going. into a soft pipeline you're going into. buds or Raider training or something. you're not like hey if this doesn't work. out for me then I'll go be on work on. Wall Street or I'll go work at my family. business that's really doing well right. now and you give yourself that fall back.

then when it's a week with no sleep and. it's the weather sucks again that day. and you've been awake for whatever and. you're not eating and you're getting. slapped at sear school or whatever it is. you're going to be like dude I'm just. going to go back to the family Biz not. going to play I'm not doing this stuff. so you have to have you can't give. yourself in some circumstances you can't. give yourself a backup plan yeah so I'm. right there with you I. think the question wasn't in the it was.

in the military I think you know it. depends I think it depends what your. primary motivation is you know if your. motivation is to go into the military. into Special Operations and become an. elite operator you know there's only a. handful of us you can't have a backup. plan for that you know you got to be. 100% focused 100% Allin and if you're. planning contingencies for your failure. out of that. then exactly what you said then when the.

G gets tough you're already going to be. like well I can just go do this other. thing you know and uh and it's never. going to work and I've never known. anybody who's gone through that had. spoken of a backup plan have. you um I don't know man that made it. I've never I've never heard a backup. plan discussed it's not something that. would come up. discussion.

but everybody that had a backup plan. quit you know as far as I'm concerned. and now with the regular military you. know if you're doing it because you want. to give a portion of your life or you. want the experience to grow up and get. disciplined or you know you just want to. serve your country for a short time then. yeah definitely have a backup plan cuz. you know that's not what you're going to. do for the rest of your life but and. even if it isn't what you wind up doing.

for the rest of your life like me I I. thought I would have been a seal for the. my whole life going into it there was. nothing else I wanted to do then I got. there and things changed and uh I didn't. want to do an entire career but going. into it I was 100% all in not there was. nothing else to do and um so backup. plans can come later cuz nothing's going. to last forever but going into something.

that need where you're going to need. that amount of Drive. determination discipline backup plans. just don't work same with on an. operation you know what I mean if it's. just you out there you know what I mean. you can't be you can't be thinking. about anything else other than the. mission no you know what I mean you got. to get home that's the plan yeah and uh. you know you got to do what you're going. to do and then get home that's the plan.

you know there's different ways you can. do it. but in the end you're going to have to. go through it you know 100% but but. anyways so it's patreon but um so now I. want to get into your story you. know like I said I know it's going to be. very deep and uh I can just see it in. your eyes and uh we'll go at your pace. and if you get uncomfortable then that's. okay we don't have to go there but.

where'd you grow. up um I grew up in South Texas in uh a. place called Corpus. Christie and um so uh it's um it's an. interesting part of Texas cuz you know. people think of Texas and they think of. like ranches and all that stuff and. that's all there too but there's also. you know big cities like Houston and San. Antonio and whatever else and so Corpus. is kind of Corpus CH is kind of like a a.

small City Big Town kind of thing um. that's connected to North Padre Island. so there's like uh a bridge that you. cross and then there's a Island Beach. Town that's connected to Corpus and so I. grew up there um most of my childhood. and then um later on I went to military. school and then my uh after my parents. divorce my mom moved down to South Padre. Island area where my uh grandparents. family live and I live down there um.

before I joined the Marine Corps okay um. and then that's kind of where I go back. home to visit my grandparents and stuff. any brothers and sisters yeah I have uh. um one younger sister that's four years. younger you guys tight yeah yeah yeah. we've we've like you know we've uh been. separated for a lot of our life but uh. we have a tight relationship now when. did you guys get.

separated. um really like when I went into the. Marines um I didn't talk to my sister. much um during that period of time for. about 12 years minimal. contact UM and then even after. that do you want to talk about your. childhood yeah sure what' you like to do. it's funny cuz my my uh my grandmother. uh Barbara that passed away um I spent a.

lot of time with her when I was growing. up and she was a synchronized swimmer in. college so she would have me uh like you. know in these little Swim Things when I. was like 2 years old you know at the at. the country club or at the pool you know. like um that she lived at um taking me. to these little swimsuit competitions. and like stuff you know and like had me. in the in the pool like all the time you. know so that was kind kind of like you. know I was never on a swim team or.

anything but I was in the pool a lot um. I loved that and I went to the beach a. lot and I was in the ocean a lot um and. um and then my friends uh my two best. friends growing up um were uh brothers. and they were all into uh fighting and. like uh you know like CAA um tough man. had just was out that was before UFC and. then UFC was coming out you know like um.

but like that whole thing so we were it. very like when I was growing up very. into like grappling and like fighting. and like you know like Warrior type uh. activities you know with my friends with. my best friend and his brother that I. grew up with um you know uh and so um I. grew up uh you know with my parents and. then my sister um and I think my first. significant event was uh when I was 7.

years old I was um at my house there was. like a a gate in the front that kind of. like went up to the roof on this side. and then you could climb the gate and. then walk out on this little like. security. brick wall oh wow you know that was like. 7 feet tall you know or like8 whatever. it was you know and so I used to climb. up the gate and then I would get onto. the brick wall and walk across you know.

and it's grass so then I just hang down. and jump off or whatever and so like uh. I was getting up and it's kind of a. funny story about my mom but um I I was. climbing up the gate you know I'm like. kind of always on my own program and uh. and I'm like you know doing my thing and. I get to the top of the gate and my. mom's. like Oh my gosh no you're gonna fall it. was like a. um it's like a psychological trance you.

know when you're a kid and you're like. tell your kid Don't Spill the milk all. they know is Spill the milk you know. like so it's like you're going to fall. it's like and I fell back and uh landed. on my head and that was my first. concussion like traumatic brain injury. my fractured my skull completely so my. head was mush for a year till while my. skull reformed. starting your own business can be.

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future results consult with your tax. attorney or financial professional. before making an investment. decision damn how how high was this like. seven or 8T tall but I landed directly. on my head oh [ __ ] yeah so that was like. you know like I just remember like you. know them trying to keep me away taking. me to the hospital in the hospital going. through the MRI you know um like what is. this you know yeah and.

then had a bunch of MRIs but um but. anyway so uh that experience you know I. was like for a year I couldn't do like. re you know play with K play or do. anything like I was like reforming my. skull was reforming so I was in a. sensitive kind of thing yeah um and then. uh you know re fully recovered from that. I had a lot of headaches I remember um.

during that time period and then. recovered um we moved to a new house and. I was 8 years old and we lived there. until my parents. divorced um when I was 12 they divorced. when you were 12 yeah 12 13 like. uh um right after uh Middle School going. right into high school they had moved my. mom had moved away my sister moved away.

but like um we lived in that house from. that time period And when we moved in. there like I don't know how long. afterwards but shortly. after um I had a um someone that was. watch that was coming up to my window in. my house you know cuz like the house was. structured to where it was like my. parents room was in the back you know. like where the backyard is and it's all. fenced in but then my sister and I's. room was on the side of the house where.

there was no fence and there was a lot. of vegetation around my window so. someone could come up and hide in there. and basically be there right yeah so I. didn't you know it's kind of like a. boogeyman type thing at first right. where it's like very scary that. someone's in your window you know. somebody was in your window yeah AEP. it's a peep it's called a Peeping Tom. yeah yeah I mean like right up on the. window right up on the window watching.

me um for years breathing on the. window like tapping the window like. psychological warfare. cuz I was living I would so I started. Living in my staying in in my closet and. sleeping in there you know cuz I didn't. want this guy to see me it was very uh. bothersome and I told my parents but. they didn't they hadn't caught him yet. so they didn't believe.

it are you serious. yes and I mean who did you know this. person no how often would it. happen. um like I don't know. man often like every night like uh. multiple times a night multiple times a. week kind of thing you know likeit yeah. like this happened for a long time you. know and uh what.

what when I was in the closet it would. get bad and I would knock on the My. Closet wall would back up to my parents. so when I would bang on it then they. would turn the lights on in the house so. now all the lights come on and he would. take off then we would go outside you. know sometimes my dad would have his gun. we' go outside with me no one's there so. now it looks like I'm crazy crazy again. now we come back in and I'm like I don't.

like so I started to just not tell them. you know like I wasn't reporting it. anymore and like my my aunts and uncles. and my people that in my family that I'm. close to um they've all told me you know. like had conversations with me over the. last few years about like you know what. I told them when I was this age you know.

and that nobody did. anything but they did they did catch. him so my mom and dad caught the guy. probably when I was. 12 what happened they caught him in the. window uh in the and um heard a. disturbance and then my dad went outside. with the gun and the guy ran out from. the window to the car to the park near. our house hopped in his car and.

bounced and my dad was like behind him. running you know um so they they told me. so it's like at least that at least I. you know that at that time that was. like okay yeah that validated it cuz I'd. been through a couple years of this. years years and like when my friend. best friend would come over and spend. the night we would be playing like.

little evade games where we're like you. know you got to you got to go from the. closet to the bathroom so you got to. like go under the bed or you got to go. around the desk you know um to and then. on your stomach out the door and then. you can close the door and then he can't. see you so then you're free in the. hallway you see what I'm saying yeah so. then it's. like um but it was.

a it was a very uh put me it was like a. fight ORF flight situation yeah for a. long time and it was uh when I remember. riding my bike around and there'd be a. car behind me and I don't know if that's. the guy that's was that ever the guy I. don't know I never caught it like I. never had a face to face or anything or. I don't know what he's you know I. couldn't describe him what you know what.

he would look like or anything like that. was he wearing a mask or no but you. could see him in the window I could just. see like his silhouette cuz he's in the. black he's dark he's it's black it's. dark outside and it's there's more light. inside than there is outside okay so. like all I see is breath and like you. know whatever. shadow. type you know damn um but I wasn't like.

you know I was yeah. um but anyway so. uh and then like caller ID had came out. too so you know I was getting a bunch of. weird calls at my house and then this. stuff was going on and I was kind of you. know but um what happened to the. guy um I I mean so when they caught him. they cut all of the vegetation around my.

window and they put a security light. okay so that's what happened for for me. and then we moved out like within a few. months so. like I mean did he I don't know what. happened to him did he get prosecuted I. I've I don't know what his name I don't. know you know but um that whole. experience was just you know. I kind of buried that yeah and then I.

went through my life I went through. military and all that stuff and uh and. then it got brought up after the. military you know yeah when I stumbled. into these random healing things you. know it was like you. know damn you really buried it yeah. people hypnotized me and [ __ ] brought. it. out you know yeah that's how deep I. buried it wow did you realize that when. you you did you realize how deep you had. buried it no it's no it's just survival.

mechanism yeah but like also you know. that's not something you share at a. cocktail party yeah no. kidding so how long were you sleeping in. the. closet um probably 3 or four. years but I started to become resilient. in there too because I started to even. reframe things and like things like oh.

well this is actually not that bad. because guess what I don't have to make. my bed anymore cuz my bed's always. perfectly made in the center of my room. cuz I'm never going to sleep in. there damn and I had like I had so and I. had all these shelves in my room and all. the shelves had like action figures on. them and [ __ ] and you know what I'm. talking about yeah with like the fight. scenes and stuff and my bed was perfect. ly made and so my room was perfect and I.

was like that's fine so now I just stay. in here and it's like you know um and. um you know I my my parents and I had a. lot of you know I had a lot of abuse. growing up and stuff like that in. different ways but uh my parents and I. are close now what kind of. abuse well just. um you know physical abuse. for one with my you know but uh um but.

that was on top of uh this other thing. that's going on that's like. psychological. abuse um and um and then I was a lot. younger than most people in my grade so. growing up I was like you know a small. yeah you know so I was like my. birthday's in August and so you know. I'd be 13 and and everybody else is 15.

in my grade kind of thing you know CU I. started school early and I was a year. ahead oh wow yeah so you're like two. years behind everybody yeah especially. once people hit puberty and stuff I was. like like a little kid in my grade you. know yeah but then with these situations. at home and kind of uh you know in my. neighborhood like the park down the. street was like gang type thing you know. so for me to have free passage and and.

like kind of stuff I had to like you. know get jumped and you know do like. stupid [ __ ] like that you know. to um that's a lot to unpack here so you. were abused by sexual. predators. well peeping Tom yeah he never touched. me or never yeah but just [ __ ] in the. window then you had physical abuse going. on with your parents then you had to.

deal with peer abuse or I don't know. what you would call gang abuse peer. abuse yeah you know what what was going. on with their parents was it punishment. or was it so I think like you know my my. uh you. know um my it was right before they. divorc too you know like so like things. are just things are out of whack things. are out out of alignment you know and it.

was like. just you know. um they're taking their frustrations out. on you yeah both parents no just my yeah. not my mom but my mom was there you know. my dad but uh I think it's also you know. like. um because of the. the there's a there was a. since the with the Peeping Tom thing. like that created a serious problem with.

me and my parents I can imagine and so I. think that that like caus a lot more. problems you know um who knows but um. but anyway everything happens for a. reason yeah I feel like so well Prime. there's a lot of there's a lot of kids. going through that kind of [ __ ] you know. a lot of. them and so. somebody like you talking about that.

what you went through and what you are. now is going to bring all of those kids. and and adults you know who have never. overcome it you know it's going to give. them a lot of Hope do you want to go any. deeper yeah. um but uh specifically. let's talk about the abuse from your.

dad what does that look. like how would it. start. um you. know have you know like if my uh. either if I did something you know like.

I got in trouble doing something you. know and uh and then it just got taken. way out of proportion how. old. um I'd say like started when I was like. 8 9 10. 11. like so legit yeah so honest like little. mistakes that every 8 n 10y old make. that kind of.

stuff. yeah. um you. know how would you get. approached often times it would just be. uh you know kind of like. uh it's like dealing with someone high. blood pressure or someone that's like.

you. know needs to be on some kind of meds or. something and I think that was a big. part of it you know cuz like my dad's. different these days cuz he's on Med. he's on his like high blood pressure and. all of his medications that level him. out and regulate him but like at that. time you know um so if he had a bad day. or if there was something I did that. sparked a punishment or something then. it would you know go from. there um I want to ask you a question.

and I hope it doesn't offend you but I. want to know because I think a lot of. people that deal with this have this. issue why you right now I can tell you. don't want to dive into this and it's. not because you don't want to talk about. it it's because you want to. protect the abuser why do you want to. protect the. abuser you're making excuses. for things that happened and they just.

happened if you do tell us that's all. you're doing is telling us what you. experienced yeah you're not diming. anybody out you're telling us how it. happened from your from your Vantage. Point and how you experienced. it why don't you want to do. that I have like a. a sense of um you.

know people that are in my circle you. know in my family tree or anything that. you know I protect I've I have a a uh a. sense of protection over it but I see. where you're going where you're coming. from and I appreciate that and um you. know uh my parents and I we fell out um. when I got out and I did some of this. stumbled into some of this healing stuff. and like I said you know um and we'll.

get into that but uh you know I had it. opened up pants door's box of memories. and so I didn't want to talk to my. parents anymore you know and we didn't. talk and we were completely separated. like you know whatever we didn't have a. great relationship before that but we're. not on speaking terms at all for a. couple years and then after I went went. through some of my healing. stuff with the.

five um I reconnected with my family and. what my mom told me because when I. reconnected with my mom I told her that. I wanted to have an accountability. moment with. her and we did and what she told me was. that there were times where my dad. stomped me. out in front of her and that she should. have called Child Protective Services. but she. didn't and she regrets it you know she.

should have done that you know and. uh I'm grateful that she didn't I'm. grateful that everything played out the. way that it did. because that's how I got here you know. and like had she called would have ended. up differently maybe I would have gone. to a different [ __ ] into a system you. know different from the system that I. ended up in you know so um kind of uh.

you know and where I'm at now is like. I'm in full possibility that me and my. parents are going to you know just. continue to build our. relationship and you know work through. our stuff and not continue this cycle. for PE for our family members coming. behind us you know learn from this [ __ ]. Lessons Learned and. you know. grow you know the the.

only the only way to move past stuff. like that is to is forgiveness it's the. only possible way to move past. that how did you find. forgiveness well um I had some healing. support that really helped with the. surrender. aspect because um I think for my.

experience I had like a broken kind of. thing where it's like I'll never. quit kind of thing and that I'll Never. Surrender you know and it's like that. was the I'll never quit mentality was. holding me back with this like you know. I'll never I'll never forgive these. people for what they did to me kind of. thing you know when it's like when. you're doing that with anybody that you.

have a grievance with you're just like. taking poison you know and expecting the. other person to get hit nothing's going. to happen to them they're going to keep. doing the same [ __ ] you're just you're. just toxic you're just poisoning. Yourself by with the grievance and so. but how how do we know that that's just. like over time you know unless you're. like a psychologist or something you. know.

yeah so you moved away from your. parents you got in with you moved in. with your. grandparents well so uh my my mom and. sister moved down where my grandparents. live in South Texas down Mexico and uh I. moved in my dad and I moved out of our. house and moved into like a condo you. stayed with your dad I stayed with my. Dad yeah well cuz I was going into high. school and my all my circle of friends.

and everything that I grew up with were. in there so I was like I don't know. anyone down there I'm not going to high. school down there like you know what I'm. saying do that does that make sense I. mean in one aspect it makes sense and. the other aspect I would think that you. want to get the hell away from the abuse. situation so and I did and I tried to go. live with my mom I tried to go live with. my mom for a little bit but like to me. my having my friends was important to me.

so I ended up back in Corpus you know. because I was all the people that I I. really had a strong group of friends and. that was what I relied on you know a lot. so growing up you know and so I wanted. to be I tried living with my mom for a. little bit but I moved back and. uh and so. um I ended up living kind of in an. apartment by myself cuz my dad was. living with his.

girlfriend and so you wanted to move. back with your dad cuz there were no. rules at this time he was that was. attract that was part of it too um. because there you know everybody else. had Liv with their parents and had rules. they had curfews they weren't allowed to. drink they weren't allowed to drug you. could have parties I get it now yeah. yourself you were and I wasn't really.

yeah and I and I was. like. um but it wasn't. uh it was often times sometimes I would. have friends over and stuff like that. but it was a lot of times just like you. know being in there by myself and uh you. know like my grandma would give me rides. to school or I would have to figure out. rides to school and then I got my. hardship license when I was 15 so I had. a vehicle when I was. 14 what's a hardship license in Texas.

you can get your license when you're a. year early oh driver's license okay. driver's license yeah so I was basically. you know I had my own car and everything. when I was 14 and I was you know living. at my apartment you know and uh how were. you supporting yourself I had like a you. know uh allowance to some extent like um. for my family but I wasn't uh you know I. was very resourceful did you come from.

money it sounds like your parents had. money no you're talking about a gate to. your house that you fell off at seven. years old yeah no like it was all like. uh what do you call it middle class okay. you're talking about an allowance that's. enabled you to get a car and an. apartment at age 14 yeah no not not like. that like they like I got like a beat up. ass like Mitsubishi Montero like dump. truck car that I drove for a while till.

I totaled it and then I got another. truck or something but uh. um but anyway it wasn't like that really. you know uh I have um my um. grandparents my dad's parents were. successful uh was my grandfather was a. sex successful attorney in Texas and my. grandparents on my mom's side are very. uh like hardworking but successful.

construction people and architect like. Builders you know um so upper middle. class yeah okay yeah but uh and then um. growing up I also have my uncle Steve. who's a successful business guy. marketing executive uh in San Antonio. Texas and so you know I would go he. would take me to like the Cowboys game. or something and he'd be presenting on. the middle of the field field at. halftime and stuff and I'd be like whoo.

you know like so seeing that stuff's. possible I feel like is very important. for young people you know to see that. stuff cuz like seeing my uncle Steve do. that and then seeing like his you know. business that he had and his house and. all of his you know cool stuff and. whatever else it's like wow someone in. my family is doing this you know this is. possible yeah that's a that's I could. see how that would bring a lot of Hope. yeah and my grandparents would take me. so every summer on vacation when I was.

growing up and it was always about like. to become resourceful to learn about. different cultures and all that stuff. and. so sometimes we'd go to San Antonio and. go like around like historical places. sometimes we go to Mexico and as I got. older they would take me to different. places in Mexico but a lot of summer is. growing up I would go to like San Miguel. de a yende in Mexico and stay for a week.

or two with my grandparents and they had. a house that they would stay at down. there in the summer for a little bit and. uh so I loved the Mexican culture and. every year on Christmas day my. grandparents would take us into. Mexico uh with a caravan of like. Suburbans and trucks like all their. construction vehicles and everything. loaded with clothes food. toys like anything that we could scrap.

to give to people for Christmas and we'. go into the poorest neighborhoods and. deliver all that stuff damn that's. awesome and we got to a point where. every year we would have to actually. bribe to get across to take the stuff. even and we would still do it and we we. we would always make it work up until. the security situation got to where it. did and and we don't we don't do that. anymore what's the draw to Mexico for. your family do you have Mexican heritage.

yeah on my grandfather's side but um you. know uh like my my grandfather built a. lot of these uh Mexican Colonial type. buildings and so he would go into San. Miguel de yende where he would have all. these special subcontractors and artists. and stuff that would build all these you. know special finishes that he would put. on these buildings and houses and stuff. so you know he's my they they were.

constantly going down there for you know. construction materials and art stuff and. all that type of stuff um so you know we. I've just always been going we we used. to go hunting in Mex like duck hunting. at a ranch in Mexico um almost every. year uh I grew up going like you know to. like you know all these like Senior. Frogs and like these types of places cuz. is when you're over when you're when. you're 13 or 14 years old in Mexico then.

it's like you're 21 you know you have. full access you can drink you can go to. any bar you can do anything you. know what kind of stuff are you doing we. we kind of brushed over this last night. at dinner on purpose cuz I wanted to. keep it vague for today yeah no that's. yeah no so um my grandparents are uh. have always been like you know uh really. good about kind of like keeping me.

motivated and like you know uh setting. me up with opportunities to like go have. fun and and do stuff so like you know. whenever I was like uh young you know. like uh Elementary School they would. take me to the amusement parks and they. would tell me stuff like hey figure out. how to get in the front of the line you. know figure out how to get as many rides. in as possible you're on your own today. like you know I'm like. and so I would like come up with all. these things like hey I'm just looking. for my parents and I get to the front of.

the line you know and so they were const. they were kind of like training me you. know um and then uh they'd take me to. Mexico you know and we' be at like you. know there's like a restaurant there and. and Sam Miguel called Mama m is we go to. dinner there you know and I'm like 13 14. years old and then they'd like it's 8:00. at night or whatever 9:00 and they're. like all right we're going to head back. to the hotel you're you know go ahead. here's some money you know um just be.

back by one o'clock you know have fun. and like then I'd be in the in the night. life you know and uh and so um that. was you. know what did that lead. into what like those you know. uh just I mean being young and being. exposed to like you know I mean you're. talking 13 years old with a 1:00 curfew.

and and and grandparents giving you. money to go party in Mexico yeah I've. literally have never heard that before. yeah dude and I could see that could. lead into some that could that could go. into some different directions never and. they never stopped like even when I uh. when I um went to boot camp for Marines. I had been in a lot of trouble before I. went and then I got all my stuff taken. care of and I went and so they said when.

you get done with boot camp we're going. to be at your graduation and we're going. to take you to Vegas to. party oh my. God so they did they rented a town car. and we drove straight to Vegas dude damn. and we partied they cut me loose hey. we're in Vegas it's it's like we we're. it's it's like we're going to bed cuz we. got there like at dinner time we're. going to have dinner and go to bed do.

your thing you know we'll see you at. like lunch. tomorrow wow I've never heard of. grandparents like that that's incredible. yeah there's there that's you know my. grandparents have been my uh my why for. a long time. really were you dealing drugs at a young. age yeah I mean like on a I was wasn't. like on a high level or anything but you. know in not on the border area there's a.

lot of AC drug activity and uh you know. it's definitely um so let's talk about. that what got you. into dealing drugs what kind of drugs. were you. dealing. um I mean I lit. like I don't know what uh cocaine. cannabis cocaine yeah ecstasy a little. bit Yeah and anything. else. uh no I was pretty all street drugs any.

prescription stuff um a little bit and. how I got into that was uh like I worked. in spring break in South Padre Island. you know and uh I went to military. school that's a part we didn't talk. about we'll get there boarding school. we'll get there but that was a big like. cuz like a lot of PE a lot of kids at. boarding school kind of open up your. perspective right but um when I got out.

I was at uh before I went into the. Marine Corps I was working at South. Padre Island spring. break and uh one of my jobs was working. at uh Club Revolution which was like a. rave club that opened at 2 a.m. you know. how old were you I was 18 okay yeah so. um this is like I couldn't get a job at. the other clubs at that age but I could. get a job there so during the day I.

worked at the Rison hotel which was like. the main place that everybody went you. know and. uh did that and uh at night I would work. at Club Revolution and that was where I. saw a lot of crazy [ __ ] and that's got. introduced to all this. stuff. um with uh with the drugs and everything. but if you look like South pedri. Island's right on the border of Mexico.

so all that stuff over there but. um with all that stuff like uh getting. into all that before I went into the. military I'm grateful for that because I. don't want to be involved with that. stuff at this point in my life yeah like. I've already been around that street. life how did the first how did you first. get into dealing drugs at 18 is that. when you first started was 18 years old. yeah working at uh you know let's get.

into the nitty-gritty like how did the. how did it. go so um you know you. uh basically get uh you know uh back. then like with cannabis was about. Hydroponics you know what I mean so like. you get access to like a pound of. Hydroponics and then you got a digital. scale and then you're breaking off you. know grams to es to quarters to ounces.

to QPS half half pound whatever it is. that you're doing with whatever it is. and then depending on how well someone. teaches you then you're basically got. your business of how much you get it for. and then how much you break it off for. and sell it. for I mean with that I guess what I'm. kind of getting at is something has to. spark the interest and getting into that. kind of a business you know. so were you just doing it and then.

selling it to friends or was this no I. think it was an operation yeah I I think. it was just that like I like you know I. was being I was being gravitated in. these environments that I was in towards. like the hitters you know towards the. like the action type people that were. like I don't know. in the yeah the ones that like were seem. like they were had [ __ ] figured out I.

don't know you know and it's like um I'm. here I work at this club and these guys. have all the things that they're doing. right yeah and so talk to those guys if. you want to start getting like if you. want to be like them then start doing. what they do yeah but at that time like. to be completely clear I I was getting. in so much trouble and I wasn't anywhere. happy or fulfilled or like liked any of.

this stuff and that's why I was beating. my head against the wall and I have so. much drive and everything but if I don't. have purpose then like I'm just going to. end up like in trouble you know what I'm. saying I have. Drive I want to make impact but if I. don't have purpose and I'm not like on. some kind of a path or have a mechanism. to add value to. something then like it's just going to.

go down but I think also like do we see. all these movies and they glorify all. this stuff right and that's our culture. and then I live in an area that's like. that's like Scarface machismo like drug. dealer kind of like. Suave type culture and it's that doesn't. I mean that's not realistic yeah that's. a a pipe dream that they sell you on a. movie or something you know and that.

these guys all those guys that were cool. in the club they all died or went to. jail or have miserable existences in. some way or hiding out from people or. they got. robbed yeah you know like I can imagine. how many people were you dealing to what. do you mean when you were dealing drugs. how many people were you dealing to. I mean 10 20.

100 like 20. yeah low key and then I had experiences. where I would live with drug dealers but. I wasn't really like the dealer you. know. um so you lived with drug dealers yes. how did that happen. um I went to uh so when I graduated.

college or High School my first college. that I tried was uh Texas Lutheran. University and uh when I got to that. school my roommate was a drug. dealer and we ended up moving out of off. campus and living together and he was a. drug dealer from New York. City and uh was he pushing a lot of. drugs or uh he was pushing like uh not I. would say like uh he was doing he was a.

cocaine dealer but he was doing he was. getting like fronted like a few ounces. and and flipping them over a couple. weeks or something like that oh okay so. nothing major no nothing major no but. that some of those guys got into major. stuff you know while I was in the. military yeah I can imagine um but um. um so I really LED. out let's go back to military.

school what got you in there well did. that so did I cover what you're talking. about with the childhood stuff. yeah. um cool yeah so military school was a. was a blessing for me cuz uh my. grandparents had came to take us on a uh. on a summer vacation and they saw for. the first time that I was actually. living by myself in the apartment and.

they're like damn you know they're. like you know totally blindsided by it. they were their minds were blown and. they didn't have a good relationship. with my dad cuz they're not they're you. know this is your mom's parents good so. since the divorce they were not you know. so that they were just like this is. unacceptable so when went when I went. back uh or when we went on the vacation. we were up in San Antonio and there were. these kids from Texas Military Institute.

that's called TMI that's like a military. school there and they were in uniform. out at the mall that we were at and I. was like man I wish I could do something. like that you know and my grandparents. live near uh a military school Marine. Military Academy in. Texas and Harlington Texas and so uh. they're like. had like a light bulb and whenever we. got. back before school started they offered.

to take me on a tour of the. school of military. school so I went down and I went on a. tour like golf cart around this. beautiful campus dude like here's a gym. you're going to have access to that. here's where you're going to live here's. the Chell Hall here's like the eima. monument here's like all this stuff and. it was just like this historical like. just powerful you know.

tour and I'm like yeah of course I'm in. my grandparents are paying for me to be. there they're going to pay for me to be. there it's like I don't know 20 grand a. year or. something you know so I was like yeah. dude I'm in and most kids get sent there. unwillingly against their will cuz I was. almost one of those kids get in. trouble yeah it was it was uh threatened. several times I there was no part of me.

that wanted to go to a military school. dude that's awesome man it's so uh. fascinating cuz when I got there it's. like learning everyone's story of how. they ended up. there it's really cool you know a lot of. people have like some type of criminal. thing that got them there you know and. there's kids from all over the world we. had like the second richest family from. Russia kid that was lived with me that. was in my thing um we had uh a lot of me.

people from Mexico from all parts of. Mexico you know um so but like my first. roommate for example he got caught uh. driving around in a Suburban paint. rolling the windows down blacked out. paintballing spray painting or spraying. people on the street with. paintballs and then like went back to. his house and they had got his license. plates or whatever and that's how he up. there he ran away every night until he. got sent home you know yeah but it was.

like uh so anyway getting to military. school dude was uh was awesome and. getting in there was like you know uh is. a real environment because you're you. live there there's fights and you can't. talk and expect that someone's going to. protect you or that like you're going to. get to just walk away from that you know. you got to. stand behind your words and um you know. prove yourself especially at the.

beginning you know yeah because you're. living in the environment you know and. like it was wild where did your interest. for the military. come where did it come from didn't like. I it was just like random I don't have. any military people in my family you. know it was just uh I saw these kids in. form and. something so even going to the military.

school you didn't have any interest in. going to the military. no when did that develop when I was. there for sure cuz when you're when we. were there we had a lot of like our uh. our drill instructors were were Marines. a lot of them were Vietnam era combat. marines that were drill instructors they. all had been drill instructors some of. them were a couple of them were Force. Recon. so we would get like you know we had. leadership class with a force Recon you.

know officer and he was giving like he. would be showing like you know uh. obstacle course and like you. know like field training video and like. all these things so it's like you're. getting indoctrinated dude you don't. even realize it yeah like I'm watching. like force Recon and I'm just like this. is it like this is so sick you know but. I have I wasn't I wasn't thinking about. the military I was but I was I loved all.

that stuff you know and I love being in. the environment at military school where. it's like you know this is real like if. you if you like uh you know if you rat. on all of us you're going to get choked. out in the. hallway like in between uh like. changeover in between a study hour. tonight you're going to get choked out. you know like or whatever that whatever.

it is dude but it was always something. going on too man like it's like cuz we. had four hours every night where we had. to be behind our desk like in study you. know or 3 hours whatever it is and there. would be people would be passing. information hey someone got in between. the break one of the kids that's here. for hacking Kim he got caught with his. arm caught in the Coke machine. downstairs and he's stuck down there you.

know and so then we all go down and. they're like doing crazy [ __ ] to this. kid that's stuck in the thing but it's. like there's always something yeah every. day going on and well while I was there. I had my I had a Jeep Wrangler that I. had parked cuz my family lived close so. I had my vehicle parked at the airport. parking lot that. was conjoined with the military school. so if I could find a way to get out of. the gate like cuz it's a secured it's a.

secured facility so you literally have. to break out like it's not like sha. shank but you got to get out you got to. find a way out like because Security's. roving and there's all the things that. can catch you from getting out of the. initial thing you know what I'm saying. yeah. um what do you what about military. school what do you want me to hit on. hey I just want you to tell your story. man but um is that all you want to cover.

with. that. um I don't really know if I covered like. key points of military school it's it's. just it was such a foundational thing. because I was coming from like scarcity. and no rules and kids need rules you. know and so that was like you know. having that and then knowing that there. wasn't any [ __ ] there's no peeping. Tom there's no like there's no one. bothering me. that was a safety blanket too cuz I'm. like dude I'm free so you liked all the.

structure that that brought I loved it. yeah interesting. yeah well what did you do after military. school you went to college we covered. that a little bit became a drug de. became a drug dealer what got you what. eventually got you interested into. joining the Marine. Corps um so I had gone back down and I. was working at Spring break and I was.

getting into a lot of trouble and I was. you know went to jail a few times um and. uh what'd you go to jail. for. um possession and uh public like uh what. what was it like you. know one time I was like had like a. bouncer type job so I had a lot of IDs. and so I got caught with like. falsifying government documents yeah.

because I had an ID that wasn't mine. when they searched me you know or. whatever and so like stuff like that. with these other things um and uh you. know mainly I had one. uh possession charge that my grandfather. helped me get out of I got all I got I I. ended up like clearing all my stuff at. least taking care of all of it. but uh before I joined um but dude like. you know I joined in 2005 you know I.

probably started my paperwork in like 03. or 04 to get in oh wow but uh if it. wasn't Iraq war there's no way I would. have gotten in dude cuz now people with. a d DUI or like these things they can't. get in and I literally had a rap sheet. you know yeah and um so it was it was. really. uh by the grace of God that I got in and. my grandfather was like Hey you know I.

was sitting outside of my house one. morning like no sleep in front of my. house and my grandfather was getting up. and going to work and he walked over to. me and I was like I'm. lost you know I don't know what I'm. doing and he was like do you remember. when you were at military school and he. was like you did you you really like. that you know what if I took you to the. marine recruiter and we talk to him I.

like I don't know man I don't think that. that's possible you know he's like well. let's just see so we went and I did like. my ASVAB and got all my [ __ ] and you. know signed up and then told him some. like a little bit of stuff but I didn't. tell them anything really and then when. I went up to Maps you know on the bus. and went up and did all my like swore in. and all that stuff like they ran my. background and then that's when all my. [ __ ] popped so then when I came back.

they're like dude there's no way we can. get you in you. know it's just not possible so I went. back home and then maybe like a month. later I got a call from one of the. recruiters they're probably hurting for. numbers he's like dude I can't give you. any guarantees but if you'd be willing. to work with us I think we might be able. to have a slight chance at wavering you. through so I went in and started writing.

these like witness statement waiver. things you know yeah and like getting. all my story you know and uh and uh. after like you know I had to go out like. go through this long process but then. finally I got in you know after a year. and I went to Ms like dude I don't know. 15 times or some [ __ ] like 15 times a. lot say like a year and a half in the in. mevs so by the time I was in the I was. in there so long that I had pissed some.

this lady this Marine lady off in San. Antonio Ms to where when I finally got. to boot camp in San Diego that she put a. hit on me to the drill instructors out. there so they got me off when I came off. the plane they were waiting for me like. before anyone else you know what I'm. saying are you serious so I got to play. the game before anyone else. push-ups yeah what did you what did you.

want to do in the Marine Corps I don't. know you know um I wanted to do what. they were doing in the videos in the. force Recon class that I was in in. military school I wanted to be like you. know in the like crawling through the. mud with a rifle and like you know like. Warf fighter stuff I didn't but when I. got in I had had to take whatever they. would give me you know and I took. artillery cuz that's what they gave me.

and I didn't have an option because I. was barely getting wavered in yeah so it. was like I took that job but they told. me that you know nothing against. artillery or any mos in the military I. have nothing against any of them and I. applaud all of them you know but for the. for this they told me that like you're. going to be king of the battlefield. artillery d da da and when I got to. Marine boot camp it's like all my. friends were infantry and I was like ah.

I want to be infantry that's what I want. to be that's what I'm think my think my. mind is wrapped around you know that's. it so then when I went to so I went. through boot camp um let's hold on. before we get into the military let's. wrap childhood up yeah and and uh and. then we'll take a quick break cool. but you had a really rough childhood and. I I know we've barely scratched the.

surface but there are a lot of kids a. lot of kids that are going through that. kind of stuff right now there's a lot of. adults that have never overcome that. from when they were. kids and so what I want to ask you is. coming from an environment like that and. and it started at 7 and didn't end until. you went. in what. advice. or do you have anything enlightening to.

tell somebody that's in that situation. right now or that's been through that. situation can you give them any hope any. words of advice any words of wisdom yeah. the two biggest things that come to mind. is one you're uh get your support system. around you you know like 360° security. like your support system you can do hard. things if you have your support system. aligned with you you know so for me.

that's like my circle of people my wife. my kids like all my close people in my. life like they helped me to move through. this stuff and they've helped me to. navigate through it over the last five. years since I got out um and then the. second thing is you know um allowing. yourself to feel whatever emotion that. it is that's coming from that you know. and communicating about it you know and.

then as soon as you're able to like. reframe it as positively as possible. that you can you know so like for me an. example is like there's been a lot of. breakdowns that I've had you know over. the Last 5 Years about the Peeping Tom. and like why did that happen to me why. me and that's a victim thing you know. and that's a breakdown but then the. Breakthrough part of that is like you. know if I really look at at my life that.

that guy that training that I got when I. was in the closet and all that. experience that happened that that was. like some of the most powerful training. that I've gotten in my whole life you. know and as much as I've had times where. I want to drop kick that guy in the. chest you know and put ratchet straps on. him or whatever you know yeah like I. would shake his hand or like maybe give. him a pound and be like. dude I don't know what type of weird.

stuff you were on but I appreciate it. because that [ __ ] made me who that that. got me right here you know I'm able to. make impact on other people or however. I'm able to you know um add value to. people's lives and even my kids and. anyone else that that mean that's. meaningful to me. so so when you're talking about moving. past that cuz a lot of people never move. past their trauma it's like they get.

stuck in this circle yeah you know you. want to be over here but you're right. here and you're stuck in this circle cuz. you can't stop thinking about. that victimization you're stuck in a. pattern yeah or a trap as you as you. like to call it you're stuck in a trap. in a feedback loop if you don't figure. out how to mentally move past that you. will always be stuck in that trap and. you're never going to wind up over here.

so getting your support network down. like you were saying to move out of that. trap to to mentally move past that. trauma that. victimization is imperative if you want. to move over here and yes an approach. versus avoid you know a lot of us avoid. and mask it's like I don't want to deal. with this [ __ ] or I'm just going to. block this person or whatever it is and. it's like approach if you approach it.

and lean in and just. like let's go what is it you know it's. like that's usually it's like there's. not really a boogeyman there you lean in. you deal with it you process it it might. be like emotionally challenging to. process. it process it lean in and then what's. what's next what else yeah what's the. next Hilltop for me. um. but any breakdown can be a breakthrough.

you know any loss can be a win any. trauma can turn into like a powerful. learning point that you could share and. help other people I feel like you know. it's just. like how are you going to frame it how. are you going to um leverage it you know. when you're able to. yeah perfectly said let's take a quick. break all. right this episode is sponsored by hmn.

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break we're getting ready to get into. your military. career awesome brother um I I wanted to. go over one more thing from our. conversation earlier so um with with. childhood right one my biggest takeaway. from that whole experience is basically. um you know fear mindset and versus and. scarcity mindset and Military mindset.

security mindset how that's all. connected right and so those experiences. put me into a fear. mindset and and uh you know security. mindset and all these different things. um that in a lot of ways set me up for. set me up for success but also at the. same time hold me back you know in. different ways so so now like you know. looking. at fear and love and just like abundance.

mindset of like positivity love like you. know abundance possibility right but. like I have my comfort zone is like. going back to this you know so it's like. you know how do I challenge myself to do. more of this and to stop wanting to go. back to this you know cuz like as soon. as I feel threatened or something like. that I am real quick to go back to this.

it's like oh well I hope that that. person tries to do this you know or. whatever and it's like no why do I keep. doing that that doesn't work let's get a. little more specific like we did on the. break yeah. like go ahead give me the example that. you gave on the. break so uh. you know like whenever I was when you're. welcoming people to do bad things to you.

right because you want to act yeah yeah. that uh you know when I was in the. closet and in that experience and then. when I started to get. physical um abuse that I started to. control it you know in my mind and try. to take control and say that you know I. don't care if they hit me you know um or. when I would get jumped at the park or. at school or anything that would happen.

I'd always you know like after a hit or. something you can't really feel it you. know your adrenaline goes up and. whatever else and it's just whatever you. might have some lumps and like some. soreness or whatever but like goes away. in a couple days you know so it's like. just a way to control it you know but. then it got to the point where like you. know cuz I was. younger significantly than most people. in my grade so in high school like you.

know I think what you're saying I'm. going to paint this for you because you. said it really good on the break you. said that you revert back. to that mindset all the time that. mindset being you're so used to abuse. you're so used to being in these. situations that you try to recreate them. and then I had mentioned. and my 3 and 1/2 years of therapy twice. a week to get my [ __ ] together I learned.

that from my therapist that humans will. always revert back to what they know. whether that's good whether that's not. good whether that's bad you know you. always revert back to your comfort zone. your comfort zone at that particular. point in time was abuse and you painted. this picture where you said you if. you're walking home through that Park. you would walk with a limp to try to.

entice that person to come [ __ ] with you. so that you could get into an. altercation yes yeah and you would. mention that you still revert back you. still catch yourself reverting back to. that sometimes because you are so used. to it and let you elaborate from there. ex yes so like you know I don't drink. now like again I have 3 years not. drinking now so if I'm out at a bar with. my friends or I'm dding or whatever it.

is I'm out in an environment where. there's people that are drunk and. there's people that I don't know you. know um that uh if you know I catch. people looking at me or trying to S like. surveil me if I'm a soft target you know. that they might want to like try to rob. me or do something to me that I'll try. to make I'll want to make myself look. like a soft target so they would try to.

do that that's my first thought and then. I'm like no like be a hard target and. then you don't have to deal with the. problems like you know what I'm saying. like I don't know what and so it's like. a it's a. conflict um you know it's like you have. like a a person on each shoulder a voice. on each shoulder you know but uh but at. the end of the day I don't want any. conflict I want peace I want abundance. possibility all that stuff it's just.

that sometimes my jump jerk reaction is. that you. know you know I get it act weak so you. can teach this [ __ ] a lesson yeah I. get it I totally get it but um and I'm. glad you brought that up so let's move. forward let's move into your military. career so you're you're at boot camp. shining star you wanted to be you wanted.

to be you're in artillery but you want. to be infantry and that's about where we. left off yeah um you know I've like the. more I learn I think that you know our. emotions Drive our actions at certain. things and so I've look at different. phases and like what emotion was driving. my actions at that time and literally. once I got to San Diego I was surprised. that I got in 100% surprised like I felt.

like I got away with something really. that I was in yeah um and. uh and so um when I got there like I got. to San Diego and I was seeing you know. um for example the seagulls you know. like the seagulls back where in South. Texas look like like they're little uh. like rats you know and they'll like take. your lunch from your car if you turn.

around type of thing and these ones out. in San Diego look like two can. Sam like everything is flush nice. abundant it when you're walking around. downtown San Diego where the Recruit. Depot is where you have to do all the. marching and it's like that's a big like. oh so hard to do the marching but the. whole time we were marching I was. checked out and just observing all of. the like environment in San Diego is so. nice all the houses on the Hills.

downtown the weather is. nicest so uh but because I had that was. only because I had the experience of. marine uh Military Academy so that. that's why I when I was at Marine boot. camp I did boot camp when I was 16 at. there you know where you actually get. hit and things that like it's like. there's some things that are a lot. more legit at military school than what.

I experienced at boot camp so I was kind. of like are you saying that milit the. military school was tougher than boot. camp 100% no. [ __ ] yeah yeah cuz well I mean. physically demanding boot camp real. Marine Corps boot camp like cuz they. have everything's expedited so real. Marine Corps boot Camp's 3 months at. military preschool it's a month at. Marine Corp boot camp you do a three-day. Crucible at the end that leads into you.

climbing the hill and becoming a Marine. and at military school you do a one. night Crucible you know okay but it's. like the the things about military. school that that make it so legit and. authentic is is uh that the student run. the students run the Le the the. accountability of the school inside the. dorm underneath the drill instructor. there so you run your own discipline so.

after the chain of command is the. students okay so you'll have you know a. student that's been there for two years. that's like you know got a junior. leadership position the people that have. been there 3 years four years that are. standouts they're the company commander. and then you have like the the the staff. underneath them and so like you know. it's a so the students run the. discipline in some ways if that makes. sense yeah and so.

uh that's why you know so like and and. in the Marine Corps you're not going to. get. hit you know like from my experience um. from a drill instructor from anything. like that they've had that happen and. they you know so there's they make. examples out of that and they don't do. that you know so for my experience I'm. like man they're not going to hit me and. I get to be in San Diego and let's play.

the game. yeah so it was relatively easy for you. yes except I did think that cuz my drill. instructors had were. like telling me that I was in trouble. you know that like my paperwork was not. good and all this stuff so I didn't know. that I was actually going to graduate. you know so I was kind of like I didn't. have like any aspirations of doing. anything I was just kind of like just.

going through the motions get kicked out. by day day by day getting thrashed too. so that was my first experience getting. thrashed you know like push-ups this. this jumping jacks do this do this do. this like or whatever they call. them and then like okay now when you. think you're going to be done now you're. going to go for longer and longer and. longer and longer and longer and longer. and then everybody else is going to. leave and you're going to be the one in. trouble that's doing this all for hours. that you're still doing this and so it's.

like okay cool like that you know um. getting some of those experiences all. that stuff and then I graduated so then. once I graduate I'm like this is real. I'm you know my my grandparents took me. to Vegas to celebrate and uh you know. and then I came back and uh uh I checked. into so at the end of boot camp once I. knew I was graduating you have a couple. admin days you know and so I went and I.

uh was working on getting my because. they had a a little uh information thing. where they said if you get to infantry. school and you want to switch to. infantry you can and like blah blah blah. blah so I was trying to start that. process then cuz I wanted to get. switched mhm so then when I got to. infantry School. it's like two lines you're going either. infantry school or you're going to. Marine combat school and Marine combat.

schools all the other jobs that are not. infantry or Recon or whatever you know. like the war fighter combat Moss's and. then these are non-combat Moss's and so. they go to like legit combat training. like balls to the wall for 17 days cuz. they might not get exposed to any of. that until they're on deployment. okay so I get so I'm supposed to be in. the Infantry School line from what I. thought from what they told me at boot.

camp so I'm in and they're like no. you're in you're in combat training and. I'm cuz you're artillery you're not. infantry so then I go and I'm like in. this but I'm tell but I want to be in. infantry they said that we could switch. and I already did da d da so I end up in. our I end up in combat training training. day one hey I need and then they had a. brief if you want to go to infantry you. can whatever training day two training. day three all the way like I'm about to.

graduate and I've been telling them. since we. started like I want to get switched yeah. like you've been saying we could get. switched remember you like and um. finally what worked is uh I sat on my. bed one morning my rack and said I. refused to. train you know I was private and uh I. refus to train what like and then the in. one person ran up instructor ran up I. refused to train are you sure yes you.

know and like straight face and then. they run off and then they run back and. they're like grab all your gear and then. meet outside grabbed all my gear went. outside they had me turn my gear get all. my gear for infantry school and then I. go and check in that's what worked. yes I refuse to train and that's a tool. keep that in your back pocket if you're. in the. something like that you know right on. you probably got a whole company of. people now that's going to refuse to. train after they watch this yeah play.

well I mean if if uh understand your. operational environment and play the. game accordingly yeah um but uh so I. refused to train got it worked got put. in infantry school so now I'm awaiting. infantry training with all my buddies. that have just been sitting around for a. few weeks while I was doing in this. other combat training and they're all. just sitting around fighting each other. everyone's got a knife in their pocket. and I'm like cool this is good you know.

like this is a good environment you know. this is all my buddies are here like you. know and then we started infantry school. so um infantry school was pretty like uh. pretty cool you know like pretty uh. standard experience. um we uh you know we would go out though. on the weekends and uh and so um we I. had a group of guys that were with me.

that we had like a a a PL like the same. thing that we started doing you know. weekend after weekend where we would get. you know the bus when we got off work on. Friday to take us downtown San Diego we. stayed at a certain hotel and we had. like the you know this system and then. we would take you know this uh whatever. it was taxi to the tram to the. SDSU fra parties and the SDSU parties. right nice and that worked until it.

didn't work you know. um um so. uh you know one night we were out we. were at one of the parties and I mean we. would do stuff like we would throw the. kegs over the over the fence and then. just take the keg back to the hotel you. know um and stuff like that but. uh um one. night somehow we thought that cuz my.

wallet was gone and we thought that one. of the Frat guys had my wallet. so we locked the front door and we. searched we started doing like wall. searches on those guys and uh we. embarrassed a couple of them and we took. their you know like we uh emptied their. pockets and like you know whatever I. don't remember like robbing them but we. just took their stuff out and whatever. um and they reported us back to base and. so Monday morning when I showed up um.

they were calling me my name and my. Liberty buddy the guy that signed out. with me on Friday and uh so that was my. first experience of. like the kangaroo court system what is. what is uh I. mean I can't see a marine too upset that. you heckled some fra boys but that's. just yeah no for sure but so these guys. you know they tried to burn us you know.

they tried to burn me so they were. saying that I was like doing things. there that I wasn't doing you. knowm and so uh like illegal you know. activities selling drugs or whatever it. is that they tried to like pin on us to. try to burn us you know um but uh so. anyway like I got pulled out of training. and I got put like sat down on a bench.

and then they put crime scene tape. around my locker like around my bed and. my locker where all my [ __ ] was and then. they started like interviewing anybody. that saw me that weekend right yeah and. then these guys are coming out of the. interview and I'm St I'm stuck on this. bench for like a full day and like. they're just coming out and like people. that I know right they're just looking. at me. going I'm like.

what dude no they're like flipping all. these guys some of them know but you. know but anyway what ended up happening. is like there was nothing they were. trying to burn me and all the [ __ ] was. false and I like you know took a drug. test and went back to training M on so. um. went back to training but that was kind. of my first experience of. like the UCMJ you know like how that how.

that stuff how that game you know yeah. so uh so anyway graduated uh infantry. school and uh went to 21 second. Battalion first Marines infantry men. Riflemen and um immediately like my. first day um in my infantry. platoon I got pulled cuz all they just. got back from. Iraq and uh the they were all pretty.

tight in the platoon and they had a. couple slots to send to sniper. platoon and they didn't want to go. because they wanted to stay with each. other most of them so they sent the new. guys that just got there that met the. qualification with like our fitness test. you know what I mean yeah so I went to. snipers the second like the the first. week I was there so the first week you. show up to infantry school they send you. to marine sniper school to Indo yeah to.

Indo no no no not to sniper school oh. okay to sniper platoon to the indoc to. like start to get assessed like to uh. the tryy out okay yeah that was like I. don't know two months how did you feel. about that a lot of I know a lot of. Marines want to go to that. school I was say surprised again I'll. bet um at that time I was not grounded. at all and I didn't have any goals being.

there some guys that I was with at. infantry School were already getting. kicked out of the Marine Corps for. different [ __ ] like trouble you know. people that I was hanging out with and. stuff on the weekends and. uh and. um yeah so you know I was surprised and. uh but I saw it as an as an. opportunity and. um so and uh what worked for me is one.

of my buddies from infantry school got. put into my platoon with me and he got. the same opportunity so it's like I had. a a guy that was going that was with me. yeah you know what I'm saying that helps. a lot so we were both like all right we. got to get this gear you know like we're. like a buddy system you know so then we. got. whatever got into the indoc and then you. know that was a good experience too. because it was just learning like you.

know how to like mentally deal with. running the. hill all day you know and then doing. land knf and then doing this and then. doing the stock and then doing that and. then doing that and then doing that and. then being on the working party to get. all the guns clean and then doing that. and whatever this is just like and then. crawl being a pig you know in the in the. sniper platoon you're like always doing. all the grunt work you know but they.

they'll make you crawl from like yard. line to yard line and all this different. stuff and um what do you mean being a. pig like a pig Gunner like a 60 Gunner. it's a pig no so like in the in sniper. in the Marine Corps you're a pig or. you're a hog okay so a pig is uh. professionally instructed. gunman okay and a hog is Hunter of. gunman interesting I never heard that.

yeah so a hog is someone that's. completed Marine Corp sniper school okay. and so everybody else is like you. haven't earned that yet and so guess. what you get to earn it every day and if. you live at the barracks you get to earn. it every night too got it you know. because every time we call you out to. come out front. come out front and the train model that. we use is right over here in the back of. the barracks and all the holes fighting.

holes are there and all the other stuff. so there's the hill that you. run so it's like it's not going to it's. always you know so anyway it was a good. experience on some fronts um but uh I. ended up um my stepmom was killed in a. car accident and so I got a red cross. message while I was like you know in. training and this is after I maybe been. there for 6 months or something right so.

we're past the indoc we we're in the. platoon and guys that are that I came in. with are now like some of them are. starting to get ready to go to sniper. school and stuff like that um so. uh but anyway um I got a red cross. message that my my stepmom got killed in. a car accident you know were you close. with her I had you. know. uh not. yet uh what do you mean were you close.

with your stepmom yeah but we actually. had like you know we weren't um we. didn't have the best relationship mhm. but we had a relationship you know what. I'm saying and uh and so. um anyway I got a red cross message uh. my Battalion was gone on. uh little mini float that they called. rimac where they go to on the ship to. Hawaii and come back right and so the.

whole unit was gone it was really just. sniper platoon and a few other people. that were back you know so my lieutenant. was like playing God back there you know. and like had this thing where you know I. was leaving and. my uh staff sergeant that was in charge. was trying to hook me up and make sure. that I got to the airport and everything. so he was like you know had me get my. bags ready I had my flight I had all my. stuff to go home for the funeral and.

then they had me come. in to check. out and uh I saw the staff Sergeant's. face and he was. like you. know looked like he was sorry to me it. was like Hey man report report in to the. lieutenant and the Lieutenant's behind. his desk and so I go in and report in. like you know Marine reporting you know. private hall or private whatever I was. Private first class Hall reporting is.

ordered and he was like Hey you know I. heard about this the news you know stuff. happens and uh so um but uh we just. can't lose you from from training right. now so what I'm going to need you to do. now is go back to your room put your. uniform on and load up on the trucks cuz. we got of. stock and. so I was like and it was like it was. like hazing but on like a.

psychological level you know what I'm. saying yeah and so I had to just take it. but like part of me right there [ __ ]. like died like a flip switched when he. pulled that [ __ ] to where I was like I. do not care about any of this [ __ ] like. sniper platoon none of you like you know. so I I um you know I kind of like. started that shifted me immediately once.

they did that I ended up going on that. stock that afternoon and I remember I. lost my veil you. know cuz I was just out of my mind and. like you know uh it was kind of. interesting. cuz as I was I was getting um you know. processed out kicked out of the platoon. for a behavioral drop right because of. my relationship with the lieutenant and. everything that basically from this.

whole thing and uh and basically I was. like you know telling people at the. barracks like I don't care what my rank. is dude like we're [ __ ] Marines like. it's manto man no one else is here I. don't have my [ __ ] you don't have. your rank on Your Collar. like you know yeah but that didn't work. so they didn't want to play that game so. it was all this [ __ ] hazing [ __ ]. you know that they were all keepers of.

the badge when this guy wasn't the. lieutenant that never been a sniper. school don't Marine Corps officers they. don't even get the opportunity to go to. sniper school do they they're just. [ __ ] admin nerds with an ego trip. with a power trip he wants to tell a. [ __ ] 18-year-old kid he can't go see. his dead stepmom what would you say to. that guy right now if he was sitting. right where I'm. at I just say he's a jellyfish [ __ ]. [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] week leadersh I.

hope he watches this [ __ ] [ __ ]. I hate that kind of [ __ ] so here's the. funny thing though dude is that cuz like. everything comes full circle but like. people like that I mean you [ __ ] people. over like that they always [ __ ] lose. in the end yeah so I'm on radio watch. right like the least important thing on. top of the hilltop you know and they're. all like all the sniper teams get. inserted right and it's during in Camp.

penlon and Southern California there's. times of the year where it's fire zone. and there's no pyro do not pop pyro. right because it's a you'll start a. you'll start a full fire across you'll. burn a whole range to the ground if not. more at penlon real quick so there's no. pyro allowed right so the range so the. the range safety officer which was the. lieutenant popped pyro once the teams. were inserted burned the entire range to. the.

ground go fig we had to extract another. [ __ ] incompetent [ __ ] officer go. figure we had to extract everybody. immediate extract he was calling over. the radio for them to try to ex uh put. the fire out with Gatorade bottles with. Gatorade bottles I and I could as I'm on. the hilltop I literally watch it spread. with my finger like this. so anyway that was cool too cuz you know. you we got pulled out you know we're. supposed to be in the field all week. yeah and we get pulled out the first.

night and our Lieutenant get burned yeah. the Lieutenant's he got burned dude he. got relieved of his command after that. good so [ __ ]. him but that so after that I started. getting in trouble he's probably going. to see. this I love. that hand salute sir. um but. uh so um but anyway that happens for a. reason you know and that really that was.

a gift for me because it gave me drive. and motivation that I wouldn't have had. and that's what got me into Maro what. how did that how did that give you. drive um because because the way I. understood it the way I understood what. you just said is the he not only did he. was the lieutenant an ego trip and. enjoyed [ __ ] you out of going to your. Stepmother's funeral but he also turned. the entire sniper team against you with.

the hazing or were you saying that it. was just him hazing uh he didn't turn. the entire team there were good dudes. that weren't playing that that sick game. but there were a couple bad ones that. were that were snipers that were playing. the game and I had serious mono imano. problems with that. and like um you know especially with. alcohol right so like during the day in.

the Marine Corps we all have rank on and. you can say hey get your ass to the. Armory you know get out here and clean. this sweep the floor blah blah blah when. there's the higher ups that are around. right it's. like but when it's just. us like it's real life. there's no F there's no Theater Arts. here you know what I'm saying yeah I. don't give a [ __ ] what your rank is like. if you talk like you know does that make.

yeah it makes perfect sense I lived. without rank for my first almost three. years in the Marine Corp cuz I got in. trouble and it was a gift a blessing cuz. I was on restriction the whole time and. I was walking around with no Rank and I. would watch people with Rank and I saw. how it created a weakness for people and. I saw I reframed and I saw how having no. rank is actually a. strength you see what I'm saying how's.

having no rank a strength in certain. ways it is like f cuz if I'm attached to. my rank that's a. weakness and if I had to use make their. rank their identity yes like that's. what's so cool about sof is that in like. in Raider training we take our rank off. for 10 or 11 months and you have to earn. respect without your rank and if you. can't do that you can't be. there because people that hide behind. their rank don't deserve to be there.

yeah well there's a lot of that yeah and. so and and even when you get out it's. like I get out it's like dude my rank. doesn't matter what rank I had in the. Marine Corps matters this much like who. cares about that what attachment do I. have to that and they're like oh well. you know you were in for 12 years and so. you should kind of be like you know you. should only talk this much and then this. guy that's been in for 25 he should like.

it's like no dude I don't really give a. [ __ ] about any of that pecking order or. any of that bureaucracy game. everything's Merit based. performance-based. like that's the only thing that matters. yeah so what what happens let's go back. into that so he Lieutenant gets kicked. out cuz he burned the damn range down. yeah and I'm going back to the grunts so. I just kind of go back with a smile on. my face and then uh you know go into the.

grunts and like you know it's pretty fun. like carrying a machine gun around. getting ready we think we're going to. Iraq um and uh and then end up on my. first deployment was like a year-long. training deployment really yeah but I. got in trouble once majorly before I. left where uh and it was. like you know I was upset from that this. incident and I was drinking and then I.

was like pushing it you know what I'm. saying MH where I was like kind. of trying to see what H what would going. out. and mixing it up you know and so. um I was in downtown Oceanside and I was. drunk and uh I got um um in some trouble. and got rolled up by the cops and then. ended up like getting slammed and going. through that whole thing and then cops.

took me to the front gate at Camp. Pendleton and dropped me off and and. then the duty from my unit came to get. me from the front gate and I ended up. like you know I'm like a private and. that guy's a Staff Sergeant or whatever. at the time. and I took his hat or his cover and did. some [ __ ] you know and wasn't listening. to him and didn't stay in my room when I. got back like they told me to and.

whatever else and so I ended up getting. like my you know the little rink I had. removed and put on restriction you know. maxed out no pay blah blah blah blah. that was my first time you know getting. that Pro going through that process and. um and so uh. that's the kangaroo court system the. UCMJ so you go through you know and it's. like what what training or uh like.

qualifications do any of these people. have to be running like legal. proceedings that affect people's. [Music]. careers and so but anyway so anyway um I. signed this stuff. and whatever I went through it I I. [ __ ] took it. um lost rank pay and all this stuff was. on restriction carrying a folder around. checking in after after hours every two.

hours no pay you know just working out a. lot whatever [ __ ] and then deployed. and I was on you know we I we flew to. okanawa and then we're on a ship you. know and going back and fourth and then. come back to okanawa we went it it it's. a 31st Mew but they call it the 30 worst. because it sucks and it's a training. deployment and it's the worst. Mew uh that as Marines think and uh we.

got extended for a full like extra. deployment so we're there for a year so. we're going to like you know um South. Korea in the winter time doing fighting. holes for a month miserable yeah coming. back to okanawa doing jungle training. going to Philippines doing a month in. the fighting holes training the Phil. Marines back on the bus back on the ship. back to whatever going to Australia.

month-long Patrol with the Australian. Army horrifying dude like that [ __ ] that. was the hardest training that I did that. out of my whole military thing. deployment legit dude legit wow and the. infantry is no joke and like that's the. thing is like you know cuz like in. Special Operations training you think. you know I'm going to hell week or I'm.

going to field week that's GNA a prep. for hell week or whatever that is and so. there's going to be little to no sleep. you know dude you go do patrolling Ops. with the Infantry Marines they're not. like those guys were not sleeping you. know they were all Iraq vets and they. were in there they would we'd get to the. patrol base in Camp Pendleton they would. have already been up for 24 hours before. we started and then they'd stay up for.

days and they just like get so into it. you know. um so. uh but anyway um so I started working. out a lot on that deployment too but uh. I was on restriction the whole time so. what else are you going to do yeah you. know and then when I got off restriction. finally at the very end I got in trouble. like real quick so we were at Camp. Hansen in okanawa and it's like I don't. know really hot out there and uh blacked.

out drinking you know and uh it was. like Camp Hansen Fest or something like. that there was something going on and uh. and I ended up like back in front of the. barracks and I got into it with uh one. of the staff sergeants that was in my. company that was a former drill. instructor that I didn't get along with. that always had altercations on the ship. when we were on ship he'd have me go. like he had me go all the way around and.

just like stupid [ __ ] like that this guy. always trying to so I was blacked out. and I saw him and ended up in this. altercation physical. altercation that resulted in me getting. fully maxed out almost kicked out of the. Marine Corps damn so I woke up the next. day and people were like dude what's. wrong with you. man and I'm just like. and all this happened in front of people. that I knew you know that could that I. felt like could have stopped it or. whatever you know that's like neither. here nor there but.

um but anyway I was like really so but. it wor it worked out perfectly. because it was like when I woke up and I. was in trouble I didn't it was like. someone else had committed the crime and. I was like I don't remember anything I. don't remember anything from like. yesterday afternoon like at all mhm. and so you know because it was so. similar to what happened that first time. I got maxed out that they were looking. at admin stepping me kicking me out you.

know and so um luckily my staff sergeant. at the time hooked me up it took me to. medical and said that I had anger. management problems and I went to an. anger management course and so then it. was all then I went took it the medical. route you know yeah and uh. but I learned from that course it was. like don't drink if you're hungry angry. lonely or tired halt don't drink you.

know I don't drink now like I don't. drink at all it doesn't work for me I. haven't drink for three years I did 10. years not drinking in the. military but like don't drink if you. have if any of those things and then. because if you have. trauma and then you drink on top of that. that it's bad recipe. so I stopped drinking right then and I. basically isolated myself and I was like. I'm not hanging out with anybody but. myself and I'm going to train and be.

sober and so like that was July 2007 is. that that happened you know and I went. 10 years sober till 2017 so when I. started that I was training like crazy. what for the last few months I was in. okanawa I was doing like you know. weighted vest runs for long for. endurance and like you know stuff like. that in the Heat and like trying to push.

and see how far cuz I was like I was. filling the void of partying and. drinking and stuff with extreme training. yeah and um and also I was noticing. transformation and I was like I wanted. to see how far I could push and I was. getting results on my stats on my. fitness score on all my my pull-ups had. doubled like all this stuff so I was. like you know it was work something was. working so when I got back I.

actually uh that next we did another. workup and then we went to Iraq and. during that work up um I got in contact. with this trainer in San Diego that was. a mental focus coach and that was a huge. breakthrough for me cuz uh you know um. this guy uh was from Spain and he was. obsessed with mental focus so he like.

had all these workouts and then he would. end it with this with some type of a. mental focus thing what would that look. like what's what is a mental focus. exercise so uh it would be um you know. like a run you know and he would it. would always be like a a mind [ __ ] kind. of thing where he would you know tell. you he's not you're not going to know. how far you're going to run I'm just. going to put my hazards on when it's. time for you to slow to jog or slow down. and when you turn them off and I drive.

that means you run okay and it's like. okay and then that and then um going. into uh a gym workout so we go to like. 24-Hour Fitness you know and uh do High. Reps low weight you know where it' be. like bench pressing 95 pounds. but do it 50 times and then when you get. to 50 he's going to go 30 30 more and.

then he might just keep doing playing. those games you know where he's like. boom boom boom and so you do that then. we go you know sometimes to the ocean. and do a swim you know and there's. leopard sharks in in La Hoya so there's. a lot of weird sharks in there that look. like sharks that don't aren't going to. attack you so it's not I don't like. swimming in that ocean but we would. train there and then we would go to the. kogan pool that I actually do a lot of. professional athlete training now he.

would take me there and he would uh like. you know cut me he'd say hey swim um a. th000 meters on your stomach swim a. thousand uh freestyle stroke like do th. breast stroke thousand freestyle stroke. and then 500 backstroke and then get out. of the. pool and like I wasn't a technical. swimmer at that point so he's like I'm. like so how do I just do it figure it. out swimming self-correcting anyway just.

do it you know like why are you asking. stupid questions and uh so anyway so. then I do the swim and then it the. mental focus part would be back at the. house you know and it's after a long day. because this is after a day where a lot. of these days I worked as a infantry man. in the Marine Corps waking up at 5:00. a.m. going out on a run doing all the. physical training working all day and. then driving to La Hoya after I'm off. work and they cut us loose that's when I. started training with this guy wow.

dedicated dedicated yeah so I this is. like midnight you know some nights or. like late at night and I still have an. hour drive back to Camp penlon you know. um to camp horno and so um he the last. the mental focus would be like holding. out a stick like a a 5B to seven pound. stick you know for time like you're. going to hold it out for like an hour. you know and and so when I would start.

to hold it out you know your muscles are. tired your mind starts to go like dude. how long is this going to last like I. still have a drive and all these tabs. start to open you know MH where you. start to like focus on all these things. that aren't going to do help you at all. with holding the stick out and then you. go through all these emotions and kind. of breakdowns and stuff sometimes I. would like want to attack my trainer you. know I would want to hit my like hit the. stick against the wall like holding this.

out for 30 40 minutes you know like and. like you know all that stuff and then. like every single time at the end it. would be all that stuff would go away. and it would just be full Focus like. laser. focus holding this thing out and he. would come up and he would be. like you're done and I'd be like nah and. he'd be like you're done man and he'd. like he' start to like put it down and. I'm like you don't [ __ ] tell me when. I'm done dude like you know cuz I was so.

focused but that was uh that was like a. aha moment for me but it would take me. so long to get into that right that's. all day of training and then five hours. with this guy working and then holding. the stick out and it's like dude that's. a long time so that's why the underwater. training is like the hack with that. because it's me you it's immediate. mental focus right cuz you go into a. survival situation because you need air.

yeah and it's immediately like letting. your Panic surrendering that panic and. focusing you know and so like that Focus. that it takes to get to from 15 seconds. holding your breath under water to a. minute 2 minutes 3 minutes 4 minutes. Beyond that's the same Focus as holding. out that stick at an hour and 15 minutes. you know what I'm saying yeah so I love. that I love that how long did you work. guy aspect huh how long did you work.

with that guy for uh probably two years. yeah until I went to no yeah I haven't. talked to him since I went since I left. to North Carolina to go to like Raider. training oh but for me my motivation. with all that too was I was going to. Raider training and at first I was going. to force Recon cuz cuz when I came in. the Raiders wasn't established I came in. in 2005 and probably at the end of my. first deployment they started saying hey. there's a Maro thing that they're going.

to start doing briefs for you know so. when I got back from my first deployment. they had set up a trailer right across. from the infantry battalion that they. had a couple marock. recruiters and um I had a package to go. to force to go to Recon to to go to uh. be a Recon Marine was this after your. first deployment or after your second. deployment so I was setting up the. package to activate it after my second.

deployment but I still had a Iraq. deployment ahead of me okay does that. make sense yeah I'm trying to follow the. timeline so let's yeah so you you. started doing this training with the. mindset coach the focus 2007 yeah coach. did you deploy to Iraq yes okay yeah. let's not skip that yeah yeah so I. deployed in 2008 to Iraq and so that. whole year up I was training and then I.

got a. package I had a package to go to Recon. and my company Commander at the time had. had like a college friend or whatever. that became a Raider team leader officer. so and he was like at the Forefront. right so he was like dude I know you're. thinking about going Recon but I really. think that this is going to be the. better move for you so I'm going to make. some pull make some moves and get you. set up to go into this thing you know so.

he's he got me uh set up and then I went. to the recruiters and then this guy. helped me with all my paperwork my. company. Commander so uh basically you know that. was like a another Mr Meo thing because. I was like clear Focus going on recon I. was running the pool uh helping run the. pool at Camp porno at the time and the. re the Recon like you know uh. instructors and and Recon training was.

at the pool all the time and I loved the. culture of the Recon yeah group you know. and uh and so um and the force Recon. guys uh my roommate was force Recon and. I was like always asking him like dude. I'm I was just like just blown away with. like how much you know uh how advanced. the training was and like how how much. gear he had and all this different stuff. that he was involved in and all of the.

skill sets that he had in force Recon. and stuff and so I was pretty. sold on that you know and um I I got to. be honest I'm. surprised I mean how the hell did you. even get in there because all the stuff. that had happened to you before you were. on restriction You' yeah gotten in. fights you had drinking incidents you'd. been not arrested but brought back to. the base with by the police and whether. all you know the thing that happened.

with the. lieutenant uh you know which I'm sure. there was documentation of which there. didn't sound like it was just but nobody. else knows that you know they just see. what's in your file yeah what what I. mean how I bounce back yeah how did you. in a in a short amount of time yeah um. well another thing there's there's two. parts I want to make sure I hit the. first part it has to do with my. grandmother and then um the second part. was I got meritoriously promoted for my.

performance once I was sober I was like. okay people they were I I caught up with. my peers I got promoted really quickly. after that you know but in the Marine. Corps like they can meritoriously. promote you pretty much all the way to. staff sergeant to E6 and then E6 is when. all that stuff catches back up with you. so like all my trouble that I got into. but even for my trouble I got boarded. they boarded me when I went through.

selection for my alcohol related. incidents and all that like they that. never goes away okay so like you know. and then on all my like on all my stuff. that they're tracking you know yeah with. all your you know but uh but my. grandmother whenever I was getting out. you know my grandparents have always. been like very foundational in. everything that I've done um and my. grandmother was like hey um I was.

telling her I think I'm going to get. kicked out and she was like you can. change your life you can turn it around. you know but you're going to have to. believe it you. know she like coached me through that. [ __ ] no cuz nobody believed in me. everybody turned on me you know in the. military when they turn on you it's like. a pack pack mentality yeah you know what. I'm. saying and sometimes that happens dude.

and. uh my grandmother was like you know she. taught me like believe you got to. believe in your mind that this shit's. going to that this stuff's going to. materialize for you and you're going to. make it happen and you're going to. manifest it you're going to create it. you know and so you know she would just. talk to me about stuff like that and. tell me to do like vision boards and. stuff like that do you know what that is. yeah I know what a vision board.

is simply like you know just taking. Google images and putting them in a. collage or taking images from your life. or something or whatever it is that. you're envisioning that you want to see. happen and so I started doing stuff like. that that I never done before you know. you still do that yeah. interesting what's on your vision board. right. now like Olympics you know um stuff.

about global impact you know um. Family. Circle like I care a lot about all my. people that are that I you know are in. my life. yeah so your grandma coached him my. grandma coached me yeah and I still talk. to my grandma almost every day you. know that's cool man and uh you know.

General mccristal said cuz I was at a. speaking thing right when I got out and. with General mccristal. and uh someone asked about all the. research that they did around people. that quit Special Operations training. and he was saying that they did all this. research you know millions of dollars. into this you know and the biggest. takeaway that they had was that the. people that make it through the soft. pipeline they 100% make up their mind. before they start that they're going to.

make it to the end and they don't know. what it's going to be like you know but. they 100% decide and for me I do that i'. I I do that like but it's because my. grandmother so before I ever win into. any pipeline or selection or anything I. would talk to my grandparents and I. would tell my grandmother are like hey. I'm going into this thing into this. training you know like where I'm not. going to have like or like you know and.

she'd say well you know like before sear. school or hell week or something like. that like well you know you're going to. be good right like what are you worried. about what are what are they going to. have you do well you know you're not. going to sleep for this amount of time. well you know you can do that like. what's that bother you and then you know. well you going to go without food well. just eat like you know eat he double me. eat double meals till you go out there. like then you won't even need food for a. few days you know like whatever it's. just she just reinforces stuff and uh.

and then she ask me you know you'll. never quit right and I say no I won't. and then I make up my mind I have that. accountability with her to where now I'm. when I'm in hell week or whatever like. and it's shitty weather on day four five. six like it doesn't matter I made up my. mind and everything way for this and I. have accountability with my grandmother. you know what I'm saying yeah so that. works for. me and any I think it works for. everybody that I work with and coach.

from my experience if they have that. accountability system in their life that. really works and that can get them. through the hardest you know challenges. and whatever it is that they're you know. navigating deployment deployment what. Iraq yeah your first deployment it's. Trip Man Iraq is such a crazy you know. Place uh it's like you could tell it's.

just just such a. historical place kind of biblical type. thing that had been through war and it. was trash everywhere that was. overwhelming you know but that. deployment was very interesting cuz we. were like living out of vehicles and we. were turning everything over to the. Iraqis. what year was this. 2008 the end of the that was happening. already where we were turning everything. over to him.

yeah yeah so it's interesting like you. know it's kind of a training deployment. again. um uh there were people there were. marines that got killed there were. uh none like in my platoon or anything. but there were uh that was like a when. we were driving around the cities there. was a RK G3 threat you remember that I. don't even know what an RK G3 is I don't. know it's a a little shape charge on a.

parachute bro okay they throw over the. wall and they have a spotter oh and so. like they were hitting like the rear Vic. with the machine gun or whatever they. find the vehic the convoys with the soft. targets and they try to hit them you. know but um there were people getting. cut up with those um um and so it's. still real Combat environment we got. IDF yeah indirect you know missiles like. you know and then oh where's the point.

of origin site let's all rush over there. and then oh let's go get the Iraqi. police to help out well the it's like. yeah they're all tied in yeah dude so. it's a waste of time um but. uh but anyway uh so it wasn't like you. know I got shot at a few times I think. from the Syrian border we weren't. allowed to shoot back you know like. gunshot yeah and I don't know dude it. wasn't like night and day from the.

Afghan deployment you know yeah so uh it. was a little bit kind of like uh it's. like dude when I got to my infantry. platoon when I first got in that first. day before I even went to the sniper and. dock they had all gotten back from Iraq. and they were all giving us like horror. stories they didn't let us sleep that. first night and they were all telling us. like you know when that grenade comes. over the wall are you going to be able. to get. over are you going to be are you going.

to be able to get your buddy over I. don't think you will I was able to get. over and then they leave go back to. drinking and then someone else comes in. and tells you something like you know. basically they're like scare trying to. you know what I'm saying yeah they're. but so anyway I'm like dude when does. this [ __ ] like like stop playing the. whole cuz the whole time that this whole. and then in the Marine Corps boot camp. dude it's kill kill kill da d d they.

train you you know and then they also. train you like with minimal use of force. you know you go through mcmap like. martial arts program and they give you. these Warrior ethos things minimal use. of force d d escalation of force like. Warrior mindset stuff but then there's. this proven prove yourself in combat. kind of check in the box that's implied. there right especially in like a combat.

in infantry so then our first deployment. dude we were there for a year in okanawa. and these senior guys were still talking. about the Iraq stuff the whole time and. holding it over us it's like dude it's. not our we didn't choose to come to. okanawa and come on all these training. missions dude but now it's over us now. we're going back and they're going to. hold it over us again for another year. then we go to Iraq and now we're in Iraq. and it's nothing like what was there you.

know so then now we get back and it's. like you know and you're kind of like. but it's be careful what you wish. for you know yeah because you wish for. combat and then you get in the middle of. that and it's like what the [ __ ] is this. you know so but and the Iraq deploy that. was enough for me with the Infantry to. where I was so motivated at that point. to never be on in an infantry for. another day that I was going to make it.

through selection like I was I was going. to perform and I was like dude I don't. even care I'm not great at l naav or any. of this other [ __ ] I'll make it work. because I know I'm not going to [ __ ]. come back yeah you know yeah I had like. a I had a staff sergeant you know and. I'm like a Corporal at that time squad. leader you know and I had a great. relationship with like my lieutenant but. my staff sergeant I didn't you know so. when my lieutenant got promoted and got. sent out this guy starts trying to put.

paperwork on me and burn me for things. like you know like I took some toe. straps cuz I'm training for selection I. took some toe straps that were in the. burn pit and I hooked them up to this. thing and I started using it to pull it. back and forth and they were trying to. like like I stole government equipment. taking this thing out of the burn pit. and then you know I was working with a. lot of the vehicles were down and it's.

like because I went outside of my chain. of command and got the vehicles fixed he. wanted to give me paperwork and it was. like for taking initiative dude that's. the kind of like but like burn me dude. like I had shouldn't it be the opposite. shouldn't you be yeah. getting rewarded for taking initiative. because I'm betting there probably. aren't a whole lot of. people in the Infantry who take the.

initiative see that's the that's the. Catch 22 dude is that it's like honor. courage and commitment but if you're. honored and. courageous and you stand up and you're. against the status quo or the group. thought or the pack then like or the. convention mindset or you want to better. yourself out of. that yeah that creates a lot of jealousy. in units like that yes it's a bucket of. crabs which is ridiculous because he.

could have [ __ ] done it too yeah he. could have bettered himself he could. have went to selection but he was too. much of a [ __ ] to do it so let's [ __ ]. Prime over so he going to put paperwork. on me and they even got it to where like. you know just stupid [ __ ] like you know. we're on our one of our last patrols and. they're wearing a patrol brief you know. and. uh they're like the new officer that we. just got at the end.

of at the end of deployment it's all. motivated right it's like dude it's. almost comical yeah an Intel officer. gets to be a uh you know um infantry. officer super motivated hats off to him. but it's the last couple weeks of. deployment we don't care. yeah you know like all that stuff and so. um he was doing a patrol. brief before we go on a patrol and uh.

you know was like why aren't you taking. notes to me and it's like well I'm going. we're going to the same like I have the. same role that I've had for a year and a. half on this Patrol it's literally. couldn't be more textbook and also you. know and he's like well what are you. going to do if [ __ ] hits the fan and I. was like so you're you so you think that. if [ __ ] hits the fan on the patrol that. I would pull out my right in the rain.

notebook and revert to what my notes are. here in the patrol brief to like make. decisions is that what you're saying and. everybody's laughing right and then this. guy looks like an idiot so then we go on. the patrol and by the time we're coming. back in they're calling me to go report. in to the company command for like. they're trying to get me for. disrespecting an officer kind of thing. like ruined my career all this [ __ ] like. immediate. opportunity so that's that whole vibe. and everything and luckily dude I had an.

open door policy with my company. Commander this is why that guy was an. idiot too the staff sergeant cuz the guy. this is the guy that's got me into marso. so he's like dude you're not getting any. negative paperwork period just keep. doing your thing and they would take me. to this and then he would like kick like. okay got it da d da and then tell me. like dude you're good he was the one. that helped me get in you know so then I. just had to ride ride that out and then. whenever I got back luckily my buddy. hooked me up with a job at the.

pool when I got back from IR. RQ the horno. pool so um you know everything happens. for a reason dude yeah no kidding you. want to take a quick break. sure whatever you want yeah let's take a. break hey guys let me tell you about. this subscription service that I've been.

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all right Prime we're back from the. break we're getting.

into train up for the Marine Raider. program marock. awesome yeah so uh getting to be at the. pool uh going right before selection I. was getting a lot of information you. know because people are coming to the. pool to train you know before selection. and and after training for ITC so I was. getting good information I guess like at. least a little information um. but I didn't really know what to expect.

going to selection besides what I had. read about Army Special Forces selection. you know yeah um that's all you were. going off of was the armies yeah and. then like whatever feedback I got from. people cuz what they'll tell you you. know and I wasn't you know. you know what I mean you you're trying. to get get information from them but you. you also it's not really cool to be like.

yo tell me like how you know it's like. he is there anything that you can tell. me or like what would you tell me to get. ready kind of thing yeah you know but. it's not like hey what happened when you. got off the bus here you know yeah like. that kind of thing you know what I'm. saying yeah um but if you're worried. about that kind of stuff you're you. might already be working against. yourself um but anyway uh where we go. where were we going selection right. we're going to selection we're going to. selection Marine Special Force taking us.

with you yeah marine Special Operations. assessment selection course um was. honestly the most professional course. ever dude like I was so blown away like. nobody's nobody yelled at you nobody. talked to you besides if you like. if you needed an. instruction or if you needed an. instruction retold to you but it's very. neutral and they're all in a rle you. know and you get all your instructions.

from the Whiteboard and there's no. talking amongst candidates H you how. many people are there huh how many. people were there I don't know maybe. like 80 80. yeah how long is selection a month or. like uh. three three weekish um now it's longer. because they have a pre selection course. so I think there's an extra six weeks. cuz there's a prep course okay before.

you go to selection so walk us through. what's walk us through. selection well. um you know uh you got to get trained. there's all these like training programs. to do before you go there a lot of. that's tactical stuff you know but um go. going. basically uh there's a a first phase. where you have to meet all of the. criteria this is like when you're still.

at at the in North Carolina you're still. at Stone Bay like at the main marso base. and they make sure that you can meet. your 12mile ruck time your PFT like your. physical fitness test and your combat. fitness test and your swim and all these. things and once all that's checked off. they weed out anybody that didn't meet. that and then all these get on the bus. and they go up to selection okay and so. um so is selection the actual training.

course. for marso Raiders Marine Raiders or is. it a selection to get. into training course okay yeah if you. think that you're in at that. point you're sadly mistaken all right um. but it is so anyway but that's how you. get in um and. uh so uh I I loved A lot of it you know.

cuz it was like big boy rules for the. first time in the Marine Corps nobody's. telling me anything I just have to take. my instructions from the Whiteboard and. I don't have to talk to anyone and I'm. introverted so I can do 30 days you know. like so like loan operator yeah kind. kind of thing and it'll be a recharge. for me in some ways you know but some. people can't handle that kind of thing. cuz they're real extrovert like.

dependent on external communication so. that might be a challenge for some. people that we that you know you know. yeah um but. uh so knock that out go up to selection. and then that's where it's like L nav. every day you know point to point you. know drop off you're basically in the. van you know uh you're in a van you get. put in with a group nobody talks to each.

other you drive around in circles they. drop you off you start navigating that. day when you get to the a point that. they tell you to get it back in the van. you get back in the van they drive you. around in circles sometimes they take. you back home sometimes they take you. into a uh. scenario you know what kind of scenario. you know just like uh kind of like a. tactical decision SL. cultural problem solving you know where.

you got like the pyes and everybody's. evaluating you your decision- making and. stuff and. um and so. uh you know you do all those games and. then you go back and you every night. that you go back that's what's. interesting about selection that creates. the urgency to perform because every. night you go back there's people missing. from their beds you know and you're like. damn dude that's a lot in like we lost a.

lot from yesterday to today like how. many did you lose on the first day huh. how many people did you lose on the. first day I don't really know but it's. just like uh you just it's but it's. enough you know it's just yeah you start. noticing like cuz people get caught up. on the route at land Naf. this guy lost his rifle you got to have. your rifle on you at all times he showed. up to a checkpoint with no rifle he quit. when he got there gone rack empty you.

know bed empty all the stuff gone this. person like you know what dude it's just. it's random but it's like you. know. um but that creates like TW and you're. not talking you're not communicating a. lot obviously you communicate with. people that you know like. you could do that without even talking. you know but. um you know it's like damn people this. is real people are leaving literally.

like we're a week away from being done. or something like that and people are. still leaving you know and so it's like. damn I got to show you know stretch. tonight get all my stuff ready for. tomorrow so is it all l naav no it was L. naav and then it's team you know uh uh. how's it broken up. uh it's broken up into. uh yeah initial like um the initial uh.

standards phase and then you get on the. bus you go to selection you do L na. phase and then towards the end you're. doing team week you know where it's. you're in a team and you have all these. like. impossible you know challenges that you. have to solve and some 's in charge I. mean they're they're solvable but. they're you know whatever it's critical. thinking is involved and you have all. these problems that you solve and you. have to carry out these weights or do.

these different things as a team and you. have to be evaluated as a leader and as. a team member you know yeah so if you're. someone that can lead but then whenever. you're put as a team member you can't be. in a team cuz you keep trying to lead or. you keep dis discrediting or undermining. everything that the leadership's doing. it doesn't work either can't you know. what I'm saying so you got to be. evaluated as both and you got to learn. how to operate as in. both so anyway do that a lot of that's.

like heavy weight you know so now it's. like Weighing on your body a lot cuz. it's like you got to you've been. carrying a pack with all this stuff. you've met your 12 mile times so you've. had to Ruck a lot and then you've been. land naving and running on your land. naavs to make your points a lot and so. like towards the end and then you're. carrying all this weight as a team and. all the team events you're carrying. 1,000 lbs and this and that and all this. stuff and so you know there guys that. got injured that were good guys that we.

helped make through the event if that. does that make sense yeah makes perfect. sense so it's doable it's all doable and. if you're if people like you then you're. going to like they'll work as a team to. support you and that's how it works in a. real a team yeah um but uh so that's. where I met my partner Don Tran too. that's like my partner with utl and deep. in Fitness and all the stuff that I've.

been doing he's your business partner. and your best friend business partner. yeah we call him the Asian. Rambo so you move so you get through. selection what does the end look. like um you know uh how many guys made. it through dude the end was dicey for me. because Don and all these guys my buddy. camp and whoever else that was there. they got selected you know immediate.

like we're all in the barracks right and. they come in the instructor he a list of. names move out to here get on this bus. boom that's all the people that you know. didn't get. selected this list of names go out to. this bus that's all my buddies that's. Dawn and all these guys Camp all these. guys they got selected all these people. that didn't get your name called remain. in the barracks and you're going to be. pulled out this afternoon for.

boarding you know so I got boarded it. was all for my alcohol related. issues but basically I just had to like. I was in there with all these guys that. were getting boarded and they were all. for stuff that I was like get away from. me you know yeah I am not like you I do. not want to be in the. same cuz they were all like worried and. and I was like. no I like you know so I went in and got.

boarded and I got grilled for my stuff. but I had enough time and sobriety at. that point and proof of performance that. I could answer those questions and so I. had to like you know and dude I've been. boarded you know in other things in life. you know and that's a good experience. you know so I got I got boarded in there. and it sucked going through that cuz I. wish obviously I would just gotten on. the bus that I got selected but like.

that was another just training thing. yeah you know training scenario so got. through that got selected did they tell. you at the board that all right you're. good to go at the end of the board yes. how'd that. feel uh. Mission like accomplishment you know. nice yeah and I do I do that stuff like. I a lot of that like my drive with that. stuff is for my grandparents you know to.

make my grandparents proud cuz it's like. I don't really get a lot like I don't. feel a lot. of oh like when I connect it to me it. doesn't really matter but when I. connected to my grandparents it actually. matters yeah you know what I'm saying I. know exactly what you're saying none of. my medals or Awards or anything mean. anything connected to me but they make. my grandparents proud yeah and like dude. that's all that matters like to me in.

that stance so um but I felt. accomplished going through that cuz I. was like damn dude cuz if you think. about it I went from not being able to. join like thinking I wasn't able to join. getting in going through waivers going. through almost getting kicked out of the. Marine Corps getting meritoriously. promoted back up and then now I got. selected so I was like damn I actually. have like a shot like I made it out from.

the from the bottom you know like I. actually have a shot like you know and. uh and everything all my training and. all the mental focus stuff and all the. Reps that I put in it all paid off you. know what I'm saying yeah so I actually. had a lot of inter confidence going in. moving forward and uh and it was also. like a self-mastery thing you know like. I was like facing my fears like my fear.

of heights all these different things. that I have you know like going forward. leaning in like I never thought I could. shoot like that you know yeah or do that. do those things it's scary to think like. dude that's way out of my comfort zone I. could never run and have two guns and. doing that and that and that it's like. yeah dude if you train like you know and. so. um you.

know when I so I've got back to after. selection right and I worked at the pool. and we were trying to get a slot. immediate to ITC which was individual. training course which was new at the. time but that's like our buds okay you. know or our Q course for Army Special. Forces and. um so anyway I was we were trying to get. an immediate slot and we looked like we.

were and then we weren't so some of the. guys that went to selection with us they. went right into. ITC a month or two later and then for us. we went like 10 months later or almost a. year later which meant that we got an. extra 10 or 11 months to train at the. pool which was as a group me Don and. Camp before we went to ITC together and. so that was like that was it you know.

cuz we were like working as instructors. at the pool but we were just training. dude we were training we're doing. underwater stuff pushing our barriers. doing putting all the weights in the. pool doing underwater walks and all this. stuff that we do now and. like you know running on the hills of. Camp Pendleton going to the gym you know. uh just all day training dedicated to. training that's why it was so important.

to get out of the infantry thing because. they'll just keep you doing like firat. and play little working party games and. stuff like that you will never have time. to train if they have you know it's what. you were saying earlier cuz it warms. their heart to know that they're holding. you back from like you moving forward. mhm so they're going to have you doing. extra [ __ ] you know what I'm saying. so you got to get out so I found an out. and I got to assigned to the pool so now. the Infantry couldn't touch me that was.

step one you know yeah um but the pool. is a temporary job in the Marine Corps. it's only for people transitioning from. one job to another getting out and you. have to have a swim qualification in. order to get in there and then if you go. to water survival instructor course then. you have like a lock in job there you. know what I'm saying yeah so I went. there to. mcis uh water instructor water survival. instructor course and that's where I. really learned a lot about the technical.

aspects of swimming and how to coach and. train you know and then whenever I got. it's a three-week course dude so you. retain what you retain but when I came. back to the pool and now I'm running. swim qualifications with large groups. and stuff now that like and that was. kind of like I had to that was outside. of my comfort zone at first and I had to. get break into that but like dude doing. that um that's what taught me how to.

train because I would have people that. are non-swimmers that I would have to. get through the qual you know what I'm. saying so I would want I wouldn't want. to burn them and just have them check. out as an unqualified I want to try to. get them through that's what everybody. you you want to hook them up Marine to. Marine it's like you don't want to at. the end of the day that you burned a. bunch of Marines never you know what I'm. saying yeah we were talking about this. last night yeah you got those. instructors who have a chip on their. shoulder they have an ego and.

unfortunately there are a lot of people. that could have made great Marines or. great Raiders or great SEALS or great. Green. Berets and because they're on an ego. trip a lot of guys don't make it you. know through that Pipeline with that. being said you know what I mean I'm. not it need the course needs to be hard. there needs to be you need to pay your. way into a unit like that but with some. of the stuff that we were talking about.

last night like some of the kind of. nonsense type hazing or or you know the. personality conflicts there's so many. people that would have made a phenomenal. operator that never got the opportunity. because some chick at the bar but that. guy was cute instead of that guy that. guy holds a grudge and he has the keys. to where you want to go and throws him. in the trash you know and it. wastes it's unfortunate you know not.

only did you [ __ ] that individual over. you [ __ ] the entire country over. because that guy would have made a. phenomenal operator and you're a cheese. dick and you couldn't let your [ __ ]. ego go to let that guy through yeah you. know and there's a lot of that [ __ ] that. happens all all throughout the military. you know yeah unfortunately. but and uh and then but you're the. guy that helps everybody succeed because. everybody's got to get the swim call. qual no matter what you know and so.

rather than see the same guy come. through five or six times cuz he can't. swim you know you're the guy that takes. them aside and shows them hey man maybe. if you do this you know you might hit. the. Taun yeah and it's uh and there's safety. aspects involved too cuz it's like. there's a 30ft high tower and so they. have to jump off the high tower in. certain. qualifications and if they're scared of. heights you might have to throw them off. like launch them so that they don't grab. the rail and then fall and hit their.

head or something and so there safety. aspects of it too but like it's a very. looking back at it I never would have. ever seen this while I was in but. looking back now was an invaluable. experience to work to have so many reps. working with people with their fear of. water or heights yeah and like being. able to coach or get those reps so I. started to get really obsessed with. um so during the pool there was a couple.

aha things right that happened one was. seeing that when you could take. someone's Focus off of themsel and you. could put it on something else like the. torpedo you know or like whatever it is. that's why I take the torpedo and and. taught so many people to swim for the. first time just getting him to trust you. get in the water see the torpedo can you. just pass this with me a few times and. then swim towards me and then move. across the pool and then they just swam. for the first time but like instructors. that are not comfortable going down to.

15 ft and then you now you have. something and they're going down to get. the torpedo they can go down to 15t if. you ask them just to go down and touch. it they can't you see what I'm saying. that's aha moment so like when you put. your focus on something you can unlock a. lot of results and get it off of of. yourself and your own fears and anxiety. and all that [ __ ] interesting there was. another aha. moment aha. aha what was that no there was another.

aha moment when was playing this game. underwater football that we called uh. where we would. use um a torpedo underwater with two. teams or we would use a weight or we. would use a dive brick and the goal is. to score is to touch the other wall but. it's underwater so you have to pass the. dive brick or the weight or the torpedo. blah blah blah and get it to the other. side and so that I saw a lot of like.

people really get into that and that. unlocks a lot of performance and. confidence playing that game especially. with the torpedo because then it's very. Dynamic and it's fastpaced and it can go. almost halfway across the pool in like 2. seconds oh good so then that really. keeps your attention because the thing's. moving like a. fish you know yeah so then like and they. make them bright colors and stuff like. that like the ours are camo you know. that are bright colored but it's like to.

keep your attention and uh so the. underwater football game that was like. my favorite thing you know and so we. would play that at the horno pool as. instructors if we had three on three or. four on four we were playing and we were. waiting till we had three on three or. four on four of like the good players. that we were going to battle right and. having these fun games and everybody was. getting massively better with their. water confidence with each game.

everybody like full confidence and so I. was like why doesn't this exist kind of. like that's the initial part right like. this is awesome yeah then when we went. to training you know cuz. like a lot of you know I don't know if. if this is like this for everybody but. for me like I was you know relatively. fast and in really top shape in the. Infantry with all the training I was. doing my endurance was like on a. completely different level than anyone.

else you know like we would come back. from the gym or come back from like the. hikes you know we do these hikes on. Friday where you set start at like 3:00. or 4:00 a.m. and you go hike the big. mountains at Camp Pendleton and all. these people fall out and you help them. up the mountain and then you know. everybody helps them out and then we get. to the top and then we go down you know. and by the end of it people just go and. crash you know and like rehydrate and. whatever and and uh you know I was with.

the mental focus stuff like I would. literally just get my pack down and go. to the gym you know and I would love to. know that everybody else went to sleep. yeah and I'm just like it's not really. getting value of being at the gym at. that point but it's just like you know. what I'm saying. yeah um so where were we well let's move. into we got it you went to work at the. pool worked on your swimming taught a. lot of people now you're going into ITC.

going into ITC and dude I'm so slow man. I'm the slowest runner you know so I. find that out real quick that I'm at the. back of the pack with. running and uh you know. um and that's what's different from. being at the a infantry unit like I'm. fast I'm everything's easy and now I'm. like at the back so everything's hard. you know what I'm saying mhm I'm. challenged to keep up with runs and.

we're going to run every day like pretty. much for 10 months and so when we get. there you know we get into it and uh the. first day that's like this is like admin. week you know. um uh this is when we dro we started. with like you know somewhere from like. 90 to 100 candidates and or students and. we dropped a lot in admin week I don't. know remember how many but dude this.

first run that we took off on was like a. serious reality check because it was. just like um you know we're all in the. classroom and then hey get outside and. then we take off on this run and it's. like you know instructor passes off to. an instructor so they're not really. getting a workout but you're getting. smoked and at each station you're doing. something like bear craws or you know. lunges or something and like you know. and then you're running to the next.

thing then you're doing sprints and then. you're you know and they got you and it. was like you know North Carolina hot uh. like U you know I remember putting my. head in a mud hole like you know for. water just to cool off at some point but. I was. like people were quitting and it was. like chaos at the beginning right and I. remember feeling like this sucks because. I know I'm going to be last on the Bruns.

and [ __ ] like that but I'm gonna have to. [ __ ] just do that you know yeah I. have to do that like if that's what I. have to do like whatever and what the. class Proctor who was amazing guy came. up and his saying to all of us was uh be. hard be humble and always push the fight. you know and sometimes I think about. that like once a week in my life when I.

have [ __ ] you know yeah it's a good. grounding but that guy was awesome he. was from Boston too nice um but anyway. he came up and he was like. dude on day Zero like running next to me. he was like you're good I was sucking. dude he's like you're good and calm as. [ __ ] and he's like if you just keep. going you're good you never quit you.

know you got this and it was like boom. and I was that was it dude so for the. rest of that was that on top of having. my buddy Don and my buddy Camp that's. how I got through ITC you know um cuz I. was slow oh dude if I was on officer. standards I don't think I would have not. made it you. know and. um you know and uh a lot of that [ __ ]. like a lot of those run.

standards you know they're good they're. good standards uh and dude they you got. to have standards like that in that. environment um but like in operational. environment you need you got to carry a. lot of weight. you know what I'm saying mhm and so the. run times don't matter in operational. environment and so it's like you know. that's kind of how I look at it a little. bit because it's like you need guys that.

can carry weight too so the run times. but. um but anyway I'm not make I can't make. any excuses I was slow dude cuz I when I. came in you know I weighed 180 lbs when. I came into the Marine Corps by the time. I got to marock I was like. 220 you know what I'm saying yeah so uh. I was packing extra weight it's like. running with the weight vest on yeah you. know it's not.

efficient um so how's the training pip. line broken up. there uh it's like what are the phases. you know I don't know I'm not like I got. out 5 years ago just full transparency. so I'm not too up to speed on exactly. but but for mine it was or it was uh. broken up into a bunch of different. courses which I'm still sure is still is. to an extent but uh so you get there and. it's like um you know.

admin like uh weed people out and uh. field uh skills phase initial field. skills and whatever and uh kind of like. stuff that feeds into hell week kind of. environment or Raider spirit is what we. call it um um and uh and so. um and then sear school you know and uh. and then. field uh field skills evaluation like he.

like raer Spirit like a final exercise. yeah but there's also like leading up to. that there's actually like amphib too. okay so you have like all your pull tuss. out and then they take you if you're. lucky to Key West and uh so like we got. to go to Key West and uh GO train out. there at the uh damn dude I don't the. name of the acronym of it but it's the. Army SF dive school yeah area back there.

in Key West at Fleming key and I was I. just got to go back there with the uh. with the uh veteran challenge the oh. cool the wounded veteran challenge yeah. um to do that dive uh thing so um but. I'm but anyway so we we went to aib did. all that stuff amphib was awesome man. being in Key West um that was really fun. and uh and getting to get out of North. Carolina I did not like North being in. North Carolina.

dude I was like you know I'm from South. I'm from like uh Beach town area in. Texas and stuff and then I'm living I. like California and now I'm in you know. North Carolina so I was like dude I got. to get back to I wanted to get stationed. at first imab that was my that was what. my goal was hold on you're just going. way ahead yeah let's stick with marsach. no no that that's my that's the unit. that I was trying to get into yeah we're.

still in but I'm at school we're still. at IDC yeah yeah. yeah um so we're at sear we go to amphib. we go to Raider Spirit how many guys are. washing out uh dude we washed out all. the teams down to the two teams and we. were just like you know we graduated. like maybe 12 or 13 of the original OG's. that's it that's it from 100. yeahi yeah we had like uh you know.

badass guys that were like coming in. from other classes that maybe got. injured or had something whatever where. they came recycled into our class so we. plus back up to you know 20 or something. like that you know what I mean but but. most of us you know. uh and it was still fairly new kind of. pipeline so it wasn't you know yeah you. were one of the first classes right uh. yeah I think we were the fifth class.

okay so felt pretty changing like guinea. pigs you know um which uh has its. advantages too you know has its. disadvantages and has it advantages yeah. you. know so you get through. ITC where are you going after that uh. going to first imab first uh marine. Special Operations Battalion at the time. um and uh which later became first.

Raider Battalion so that's that's like. so you go to a brand new training course. right the the ITC CU you're the fifth. only the fifth class to go through it so. they're still working things out there. working some Kinks out some major Kings. I'm sure and then you show up at I'm. sorry what was it first first yeah and. that's a brand new unit as well correct. cuz if there's only been five. courses of.

ITC so that's interesting cuz like so. the unit was already St stood up and it. was built off of the backs of Recon and. for Recon guys okay and so you know when. we got to our unit there were. guys that had gone to selection you know. that were Force Recon guys that went to. selection and then they were Raiders. there were a lot of guys that that were. Force Recon that were in leadership. positions that they flipped into Raiders.

you know that didn't go to selection or. anything that were like they were the. guys that led us through combat and. stuff like that and so phenomenal like. you know so there were guys that were. Raiders that were transitioned from. Force Recon into being a Raider okay you. see you know what I'm saying yeah kind. of like. anfy you're good they were grandfathered. in and and from my knowledge there was. only like a handful total cuz cuz then. they went through this formal process of. like we got an MOS 0372 Marines critical.

skills. operator um and so that's marock you. know Special Operations and uh once we. got that then like you know they're they. had to assign everybody that rated it. the MOs. and there were all the guys that were. forc Recon had been through all of these. schools that got it that warranted it. there were only a handful that that got. it that hadn't been through any schools.

you see what I'm saying yeah that got. grandfathered in and it was. like maybe it was an accident maybe it. wasn't but either way that's not you. don't really from my thing you really. don't want to get grandfathered in to. something like that or accidentally show. up on the bus and now you're at first. imab you know and now you're deploying. with the team to like Helman you know. what I'm saying like it's like dude you. want to go to the training that sets you.

up to be at that place that makes sense. you know what I mean yeah cuz I saw. people overseas in situations that was. way out of their like pay out of their. training scope you know like a medic. That was supposed to be working at. Medical taking temperature doing basic. medical like check-in type admin type. medic stuff and they're in the they're. in a mass casualty in an enemy Village. yeah you know they're trying to take. your vitals blood pressure temperature.

maybe check your ears and now they're. slapping tourniquet giving crikes. putting in Fair and jills every day damn. you know and it's like you see stuff you. see them do stuff that way off Baseline. yeah. um so what was check in like I mean it's. a relatively new. unit yeah there's not a lot of culture. inside of it I wouldn't I wouldn't think. it was dude was it really how long it. had been stood up for West Coast uh you.

know uh the it was like plank holders. and we're you know like they' been. deploying to Afghanistan okay repeatedly. so um they started in you know 200. 8 2009 trailers you know working out of. trailers and then they built the unit so. when I got out there it was like the. nice building okay you know that we were. actually like moving into we had.

facilities and like it was it was like. checking into the NFL cool in the Marine. Corps and like whoa this is a completely. different world like I remember uh you. know one of my leaders that that I in up. on a team with a couple times like I. showed up and he was like you know he. pulled up in a muscle car fully tatted. out like hands like G like grease back. hair not nothing in Marine Corps.

regulation you know what I'm saying mhm. and it's just like whoa and he's got you. know like a green badge coming in like. it's like whoa and they're like yeah. dude that guy and you know you start and. then it's like these guys are like like. you know uh the way that I looked at. those senior guys at that point it's. like dude these are that's who you want. to emulate you know and looking at the. guys that were the fallen guys that had. the paddles in the hallway and like.

looking at these senior guys walking. around and they didn't stop for a second. you know some of them did and they're. like dude like we're going to have a. team thing this weekend you new guys. need to get out there you know or. whatever and they would like whatever. you know what I'm saying but it was like. it wasn't like hey like they didn't even. give a [ __ ] cuz they didn't know what. ITC. was they don't care they've been. deploying to Helman back to back like. our executive officer has no legs and.

he's deploying again with us holy that. was the [ __ ]. environment you know that's some heavy. stuff to walk into. yes and uh you know dude one of one. another thing was I had a a girlfriend. right this is leaving ITC getting to. there and uh you know it was a lot of. drag through ITC having a long-distance. relationship and then but thought that. this thing was going to materialize and. then when we before we got out they said.

hey do not get a house do not get. anything be ready to be a combat. replacement and you know check in and be. ready for whatever you needed whatever. company you get sent to so then I I told. my girlfriend wanted me to move in for. us to get a house right when I got back. and all this stuff and I was like no. can't do any of that and it was like an. ultimatum I was like bye out yeah so.

then I was single the rest of my career. until I met my wife you know at the at. the end when I was about you know on my. last deployment about to get. out. so getting it first you know everybody. all these senior guys were Legends. from like their last deployment. deployment before that deployment before. that. so I was thinking this was only stood up. for like a year before you got there. yeah but all these guys have been on.

Force Recon Iraq okay like dude these. are all the saltiest guys that got hand. selected to run the Special Operations. Balian from Force Recon that makes you. know what I'm saying um they kind of. gutted the unit but they I mean they ALS. you know they had some type of selection. process these guys were good you know. they were badass guys that were [ __ ]. they were warriors and fearless like in.

combat kind. of uh kind of people Vibe and it was. like um a security blanket when I was in. combat in Afghanistan and I was with. those guys it was a security. blanket yeah you know what I'm saying I. do that experience. is there's nothing that that can compare. to that like you can have confidence and. abilities but you have confidence.

abilities and you have someone on your. team that's been through those. situations that's had to use aircraft to. survive in the moment and [ __ ] like that. that's what you need you know what I. mean um so all those guys. were we there was only a couple new guys. on my team and that new guy experience. was invaluable you know. um cuz you're earning it every day you.

know there's a saying at the unit every. day is a try out at first rid or. Battalion every day is a try out dude I. don't give a [ __ ] it's like but only. like we only had we were like the only. like so and so to graduate out of our. class it's like who cares like you know. not that we were saying that but like. nobody cares about what happened. yesterday even though you just got. turned out at this ITC course and you. did [ __ ] that was harder than you ever.

imagined none of us care one. bit because you got to [ __ ] today's. your try out you know yeah so like you. know go to work earn your spot what is. your like you're the new guy on the team. you have no. schools what are you doing here you know. what value do you bring today like all. that you know like it was really earn it. which was a really I love that you know. that's like a merit that's what the. merit-based.

you know uh culture Warrior culture you. know where you take your rank off you. earn respect you earn it and uh so my. officer my team leader my first team. leader was Derek Carrera who is one of. my mentors and he end up getting wounded. uh with me he's and uh he ended up. getting out a couple years ahead of me. but he lives in Orange County and I see. him regularly oh you guys are still. buddies still really close yeah um and.

he's a been a huge uh business advisor. for me and like helps me with all kinds. of strategic stuff um and we also. started the Marine Raider challenge well. hold on organization that we did we'll. talk about later but. Focus I'm Focus but Derek brought me in. when I was a new guy for counseling and. I was like you know sir I don't have any. schools like you know and I want to roll.

I want like a job on the team you know. and he's like so I'm going to put you as. armor I'm like you own that thing and. then we'll talk about what's next you. know what I'm saying MH so I I was an. armorer and like started tracking all. the weapons and like making all the. rosters and you know trying to like see. what more weapons I could get what other. Armory courses I could go to what kind. of certifications all this different. stuff and then he's like you know then I. started F like you know when kind of.

lose gear and then I would find it or. like you know stuff like that where I. was doing a good job of tracking all the. equipment so then they're like all right. we're going to make you track all the. equipment when we get to Afghanistan you. know you're going to manage the whole. like inventory right so. then. uh I got sent uh early to Afghanistan to. go sign for gear as a new. guy and uh my secondary role was going.

to be uh Afghan local police and I was. going to be a uh adviser and. trainer and so when I got there like. um before we went to Afghanistan the. team that was there uh that had just. moved into where we were going it was in. 2012 at the beginning like right as. fighting season's kicking off you know. we know that and that's a historical.

thing so it's like we're going into. fighting season we're going to be there. for the whole thing and um we're it's. just kicking off so we're starting to. get reports of like when the team's. going out on patrol what's happening and. stuff like that you know and they were. having to come back and they're having. they're getting cut off having to bound. back to the base and stuff like that you. know what I'm saying a lot contct yeah. stuff that's like kind of alarming like. like you're kind of thinking in the back.

of your head like how are we going to. live there for 7 months if these guys. can't even go on patrol you know yeah. and then like some of the senior guys. that are kind of like uh you know. um kind of put static out there they're. like this is. [ __ ] next on the Shawn Ryan. Show do you want your son to go into. this no I don't want mine to go into it. either and NCIS was there with us what.

were they doing there you know I had all. these crazy experiences with my Afghan. local commander and he came up and he. was like hey can I leave my son here you. know whatever and he left one of his. sons that was like maybe 7 years old or. something he gets in his truck and. drives around the corner hits a. ID like I have to go out and be in. lights all these artificial lights with. these loud noises and [ __ ] that bothers. me and like all the stuff that was. driving me insane yeah got the same [ __ ].

that I'm watching this you know that's. like Suicidal Tendencies days after. weeks after I I realized how much of a. negative impact I was making on my. family for anybody that is has any of. that. stuff the best thing that I could say is. just anchor yourself you. know call one. [Music].

person hey everybody I'm Shawn Ryan. click here to subscribe to the Sha Ryan. Show YouTube channel for the hottest and. most compelling interviews that you will. not see in anywhere else I've also made. a playlist of all the previous SRS. episodes so they're easy to find you can. find that right here.