Nick "Machine" Lavery - Active Duty Army Special Forces Amputee | SRS #028

this next show is a show about. overcoming The. Impossible it's a story of. perseverance. dedication and pure. patriotism all the things that make. America a great place to live it's one. of the best. stories I have ever heard in my life.

please welcome Nick Lavery to the show. and I only have one ask for you please. go to. iTunes and leave us a review if you get. something from this episode this is. amazing let's get to. it we just pumped Nick. full of like six units of the wrong. blood type there's no way he survives. the flight so just be prepared to.

receive his. body we would be getting dudes that were. coming in from these other elements for. uh for us to work with did that bother. you that can get. [Music]. tricky one of the individuals that was. inside that Ford Ranger jumped up on the. back of the truck and engaged into the. group with that PK.

I see what's happening I gun up 15 or so. feet away from the group ripping into. the crowd guys are dropping guys are. scrambling things are blowing up kind of. all around and uh I just feel the. impact I have to cauterize your face. back together taking an AK-47 round to. the side of my face.

young kid first deployment fresh out of. basic and he's 15 ft in front of a guy. who's shooting machine gun in his. general. direction I know everyone in the truck. is dead and my right leg is just [ __ ]. mled it's just like hammered meat and. tissue and exposed bone and there's just. a river. flowing it's the ultimate Mass cowl.

scenario to this day considered the most. catastrophic Insider attack since the. global war terrorism began.

spe. [Music].

Nick lvery welcome to the show man. thanks for having me brother but it's an. honor so you're the only active duty guy. that I've ever had on you're still. active correct is an SF guy Chief. Warrant Officer. correct you'll probably be the last one. that I have too we don't get very many. active guys sure uh want to come on. actually I've never have one but um so I.

want to just run through I want to run. through your entire career as much as. you can and with a with with the. audience I just want everybody to keep. in mind that Nick is an active you're on. an active Oda active SF guy and so. topics can be uh limiting correct you. know because because you are still. active and you're and you're in it so uh. we'll definitely respect that and if if. we do happen to go into anything that. you're uncomfortable then just just let.

us know and and everybody gets it and. and uh and before we go any further I. just want to say thank you for your. service I know that's weird to hear but. no I appreciate it likewise man' perfect. thank you man but um so objective secure. yeah man new book came out what a couple. months ago yeah late January how's that. doing it's doing well is it yeah man and. you asked me that question uh kind of. when I first got here.

and I base my response to that question. solely off of the feedback that I've. been given from those that have checked. it out and read it and through that lens. it's been absolutely. tremendous what kind of feedback are you. getting Yeah man so it you know it can. vary uh kind of from the one end of the. spectrum to the other uh something as. simple as hey man I I took something. that you that you wrote about and I. recently applied it to my life uh in.

terms of setting goals and achieving. goals so thank you for that which is. great uh and then I'm kind of on that. farther end of the spectrum even just. recently about a couple weeks ago I got. an email from a woman who told me that. her husband had attempted suicide a few. months back he failed at it fortunately. he was on a real destructive path he. stumbled upon my Instagram or something.

found the book she bought him the book. he took a look at it and uh he's made. relatively a 180 and he's doing really. well now I don't claim to be like the. Catalyst for that but from her. perspective uh myself and what's in this. in this book was a part of that process. for that individual and that's quite. powerful man you know you get a message. like that from somebody you're able to. really Reach Out And Touch somebody and.

positively affect someone's life so kind. of the the entire range of the spectrum. but it's been uh it's been really. humbling and it's an honor to be you. know part of people's process that's. amazing you know the other thing is. you're the first amput that I've had on. here and I've been looking for the. perfect guy um or woman uh vet to come. on here and and and and share that share. their story with with the audience. because it's.

I mean it's just I I can't imagine you. know the stuff that you've gone through. and and the rehabilitation and and um. and we had a lot of guys that have had a. lot of struggles you know uh with. separation and and transition out of the. military and and I. mean what you have been through without. a doubt has got to be one of the. toughest uh things to overcome and so I. just I just have a tremendous amount of. respect for you and and for that to.

happen and then to to to still be an. active Green Beret is just it just. speaks volumes of who you are as a man I. appreciate it man so thank you yeah but. um and we'll get into all that uh a. little bit later but so tell us a little. bit about the book what was your goal in. writing the book yeah um first I'll. start off by saying what it isn't and. it's not an autobiography it's not not.

uh my Memoirs and it's also not uh a. story or a group of stories uh in combat. right like the buried up to our knees. and hand grenade pins type story that's. not what it is and I think often times. when you see a military author that's. kind of your general thought that that's. what the book's going to be about and. there's some amazing Stories um out. there that I've read that is not what. this what this project is the the short.

answer of what it. is um it's a it's a personal development. piece and really I think the greatest. way to to explain it is to just briefly. talk on the Genesis of it how it became. a thing and if you go back which we'll. get into um following my first uh. deployment as an. aput um coming back from that it was uh. it was publicized uh pretty. rapidly uh it was unprecedented for that. to to have happened so it caught a lot.

of people's attention as as things. progressed and I became more involved in. social media and kind of gradually being. comfortable with putting myself out. there into the public space uh the. questions start coming in mostly. revolving around two one being why do. you still do what you do given what. you've been through and then how did you. do that how were you able to function on. a special force Detachment with one leg. to reasonable questions and I'm.

responding con consecutively boom boom. boom boom boom and after a couple. hundred or a thousand of me basically. writing the same thing over and over and. over again over the course of a year so. I decided to just jot this down into a. Word document product solely for the. sake of efficiency so that when that. question comes in I can just copy paste. attach send and then there you go. there's your response so it was about. efficiency and then it was also about.

taking an actual closer look at what. that process looked like for me so I. kind of grew in a sense because of me. doing that where I really analyzed like. how did I do what I did and how do I do. what I do now and it was short man it. was maybe 8 n 10 page Microsoft Word doc. nothing fancy boom boom boom kind of. outlin the process and I used it that. way for about a year or so a little. longer.

and fast forward to. 2020 right summer of 2020 covid is going. crazy right people are working from home. people are teleworking even us in the. military which was a strange time for. everybody and uh I was about a week out. from graduating dive school down in Key. West which I'm sure we'll talk about as. well and a really good buddy of mine. been one of my best friends for 20 years. went to college together played football. together in college he calls me up and.

he says hey man there's something I want. to talk to you about I got about a week. left to dive school and I'm an absolute. train wreck right physically mentally. I'm just beat to [ __ ] so I'm in no. condition to have any kind of serious. conversation with anybody at this point. I'm like hit me up you know in a week. when I get home and he does and short. version of the story is his mother's. been in the book industry her whole life. um worked with different Publishers. worked as a librarian and he brings it. to me and says hey man I think you need. to write a book. and I'm like get out of here no I'm not.

doing that what would I even write about. like what are we talking about my. initial thought was he wanted me to do. you know the Nick Lavery story like an. autobiography and I had no interest in. doing something like that so I'm like. get out of here he's like no man I. really think you need to think about. this and as one of my best friends out. of respect to him I said okay I'll mull. it over fine and over a few days I. thought about this word document that I. had sitting on my computer I'm like you. know I kind of already have something on. paper that I did put a lot of time into.

and effort and energy uh that's been. working I've been using it and it's been. effective the feedback from this has. been positive so we get back on the. phone and I said you know what man I. kind of already have something it's. about 10 pages uh but there's something. there I know there's something there. because I've I've felt and seen the. results of it and he's like keep going. with it now again we're in the middle of. 20120 it's co I got a lot of extra time. on my hands and energy that I normally. would be spent you know in the gym which.

they were closed that normally would be. at work working 12-hour days but now. we're doing crazy you know onoff. schedules limited time in the. office so I had extra time and energy on. my hands um which I took advantage of. and I just began writing and if you had. asked me a week before that point if I. enjoyed writing the answer would have. been no but having put myself into that. position I caught the bug for it man and. it became one of those things that you.

know I'm waking up at 3:00 in the. morning and I just have to get out of. bed and write and I caught I caught the. F and I had a I had a back stop of. December of that year where we were on. our next rotation in and I kind of gave. myself that time frame to see what I. could come up with and it got to the. point where I was doing 5 600 words a. day uh borderline obsessive probably. completely obsessive and uh fast forward. 2 three months from that point and I'm. sitting at you know 70,000 words. wow and now you're looking at something.

that actually has the contents of a book. um and at that point it was just a. matter of of getting it you know. polished learning the process of of. self-publishing how do you get it out. there how do you create a cover how do. you create the layout so learn that and. then uh and then and then hit the send. button man man that is uh so are you. still writing every day I write every. day yeah I write every day you know. there's something great about it in. terms of from an analytical perspective.

you know looking at what we've done what. we're doing how we're doing it and. documenting that process uh which for me. began with just my training log in the. gym like sets and Reps 10 years ago was. sets and Reps and grams of protein has. morphed into something with much more. substance um journaling right and then. more creative writing so I do write. every day um because it's got that. analytical value that I enjoy but it's. it's also you know therapeutic for me as.

well which has become a great mechanism. for me to leverage in terms of. maintaining my own you know mental. wellness and and well-being yeah man. that's I there's a lot of guys that I've. been uh that I'm friends with that say. that they get a lot of therapeutic value. out of out of journaling I haven't. started it yet I the only thing I've. ever journaled is my uh my psychedelic. experience mhm but um but I I should. probably start there's a lot of value in.

it man and I know for you know for us. type A's us Warriors you look at. journaling as this kind of like. soft uh task to do like I'm not like I'm. a warrior I'm not going to write in my. diary right there's like a sense of. weakness that's associated with doing. that um but if you can if you can force. yourself to go down that road allow. yourself to be vulnerable even with just. yourself you don't need necessarily. public it but uh it's one of the one of.

the first things I typically recommend. guys that are struggling with whatever. it may be it's like are you writing are. you writing stuff down um most time the. answer is no I'm like give a shot yeah. you know give a shot to C out five. minutes a day and just throw some words. on a page and just see where it goes. yeah I'm going to start doing that but. um all right let's so kind of how I want. to do this interview I think I already. said this but want to do your life story. get into as much as your career possible.

but before we do that everybody always. gets a present so all right yeah so uh. Merry Christmas there you go awesome. Christmas themed box too that's right. perfect you want me to open this right. now open it up what you got any guesses. I'm guessing it's some kind of apparel. man my way off way off way off you wrap. this thing up like just shipping it off. to NASA that's. right just going to do we're just going. to get Savage with this thing here man.

some gummies we were just talking about. the gummies there you go yes now you got. some look at this this is awesome bro. you know who's going to go bananas over. this is my. 5-year-old he's going to immediately. assume that daddy came home with some. presents for him I appreciate it brother. yeah my pleasure thank you my pleasure. those are hard to come by yeah right. limited but um so I tried to I always. take questions from my patrons patrons.

uh are my biggest supporters over on. vigilance lead patreon and I always give. them an opportunity to ask the upcoming. guest a question sometimes we get a lot. of questions sometimes we don't I do. want to go through a Q&A with you after. this uh this for patreon only but this. one's from Darren Smith and I was a. little hesitant to ask you this but um I. do think it's actually a good question. it's something I never would have. thought of. he's.

asking when you became an amputee when. you lost your. leg now are is there anything did you. find any. benefits at all from that experience any. any positivity that came out of that. yeah a a a ton we could probably spend. an hour on that um and I'll just start. off by saying that I firmly believe that. there is positivity to extract from the.

worst of circumstances the worst of. events I think it's simply a matter of. time uh to be able to see them uh we'll. get into some of that too with some of. the more traumatic events that I've been. through within my military career but. there is positivity to extract and I. certainly grasp a lot from. this if I were to hop on you know maybe. one or. two first would be uh efficiency. and the best way to describe this is you.

know when you put a prosthetic on your. body imagine a clock that starts to tick. immediately the second you put it on. clock starts to tick at some point you. will have to take that limb off of your. body right and at that point you will be. less capable more than likely to do what. you do on two feet or at least things. will change so a clock starts to tick. and the the speed in that clock ticking. is based on a whole variety of factors.

but most significantly level of activity. and temperature are like the primary. ones those of us that operate with a. prosthetic that has an actual socket. that your that your residual limb goes. into sweat is the Ultimate Enemy for a. pro for an. ampute that is or anyone with a. prosthetic that is working with the more. with a traditional socket type system. everything starts to get slippery it. starts to it starts to slide around. these things are shaped to your limb.

under normal circumstances but just. imagine when you're in a pool of water. for an extended period of time you know. your fingers start to prune your skin. starts to get um damp moist feathery. that that happens to the limb itself. based on the sweat so it's start the fit. starts to get worse over time pain. starts to increase functionality starts. to decrease so that clock will start to. speed up based on level of activity and. temperature and a variety of other. variables so I realized very quickly.

that I needed to maximize as much as. possible what I'm able to do while I. have the the leg on my body and that's. Amplified when you live a very physical. lifestyle physically training obviously. my job uh in the military is one that's. physical we spent a lot of time outside. where it's hot so. just. dissecting minute by minute hour by hour.

what am I doing once I get upright and. making that as efficient as possible. eliminating as much white space as. possible and it got to the point where I. was I was almost OCD about it where if I. would if I would grab some items to. leave my house and then I got to my. truck and realized that I forgot. something I was kicking myself in the. ass CU now I got to go back and I got to. get it right those are 15 Steps that I'm. not getting back because I was. inefficient so I need to update that. system to make this as streamlined as.

possible so I got I got OCD admittedly. uh drove my wife crazy at times she's. gotten used to it now uh so just. efficiency being one and then the second. I'll just touch on is uh is resilience. man and this began from the moment I got. my leg for the first time you know the. the the second time in my life where I. took my first steps and you know you you. get set up with this thing you no idea. how it's going to work how it's going to.

fit it's brand new I'm 30 years old at. the time got a lot of life experience. with two limbs now I'm down to one and. they set you up in these parallel B in. the prosthetic office just for something. for you to to hold on to while you're. taking your first steps right for the. second time and uh prosthetist straps it. on he's like okay now go ahead and walk. like that was his instruction and I'm. looking at him like I don't know how do. I operate this thing I don't know what. what what what is all this this he's. like just go ahead and take a step so.

I'm I'm fumbling around I'm gripping. with as much strength as I can right I'm. nervous I'm scared uh family members are. there eventually I figure it out I kind. of Kick It Forward I'm all awkward you. know I'm all I'm all messed up. eventually I start to get a bit of a. rhythm I'm going down I'm going back I'm. going down I'm going back I'm I'm. loosening up that grip on those parallel. bars I'm feeling more confident like oh. wow I can do this okay things are good. I'm getting more and more confident I'm. loosening up next thing you know I'm not.

holding on to the B at all I'm just. going down and back down and back and. then the inevitable of course happens. which is me falling flat on my face. right leg kicks out leg goes one way I. go the other way boom and I look up at. my. prosthetist um who knew this was coming. right and he said okay now get yourself. back up and uh I just like to use that. story because not only did he teach me. in that moment physically how to get. back up off the ground as a one-legged.

guy but more so the mentality behind. getting knocked down falling down on. your ass right feeling embarrassed. feeling like you just failed um having a. whole bunch of doubts coming into your. mind all that stuff starts to come. bombing in in that one moment in time. and being able to get back up and go. again damn dude that may be one of the. most powerful [ __ ] things that have. ever been said on this show yeah it PT.

it paints a great picture I know it's. really difficult to conceptualize what. it's like to lose a limb right I I. couldn't do it um until I lived it but I. think a lot of people can just put. themselves in that position uh about. trying to function with a robot. appendage for the first time you know. and then wiping out massively and uh and. what that can what could that can do to. you because whether or not you have lost. a limit or not we've all been knocked on. our ass uh to varying degrees of.

severity and having to Find the Will and. the physical means to get back up and. and keep moving so I think it's. relatable uh to to a wide audience yeah. definitely. definitely wow um well let's let's go. ahead and start with her story so I can. tell by your acccident you grew up in. South Texas yeah right just kidding. actually yeah a little little town. outside of Little Rock down in Arkansas.

that's what I call. [Laughter]. home but but seriously where where did. you grow up what was family life like. yeah man um I claimed Boston Mass uh. because that's where I spent most of my. time as a as a child and as as as an. adolescent uh the the truth is I'm I'm a. nomad of Massachusetts and uh myself my. parents and my younger sister we moved. about every 12 months I think 18 months.

was the longest I was in any single. location for any given time and most of. that was based on uh my parents you know. two young parents my father had me when. he was 21 and struggling grinding and. out you know with two young kids so a. lot of job Transitions and then. therefore Geographic uh changes based on. what they were doing uh to survive and. to feed us and you know they did an. amazing job at that um so so I moved. around a lot man uh North North of.

Boston south of Boston and we can Circle. back to this Sean but you know that. process if I put myself on the. couch played an enormous factor in even. specific events years later like in. combat like specific moments I can I can. unpack that to the way I was raised and. the experience I had as as a young. person moving that frequently being the. new kid in school school every every. year damn is difficult right what did.

your old man do he did a lot of. different whatever it could find things. yeah a lot of different things from. working at places like FedEx and UPS to. working in different other factories. distribution. warehouses uh my mother was mostly in. the social support industry where she. worked at different shelters she worked. as a teacher um so different specific. Industries different specific jobs um.

wherever they could find the work that. they needed to support us and they. did um and you know back then. man the term bullying wasn't taken as. seriously as it is today yeah right back. then when I was a young kid it was kind. of just pot of growing up and it wasn't. it wasn't looked at with with the level. of granularity that it's looked at now. and the type of psychological impacts it. can have on young. people um and and I experienced that you. know and I was people see me now and.

they they they tend to have a difficult. time grasping this but I was a really. small kid I was a t i was a peanut. really peanut yeah yeah peanut little. dude um eventually late high school I. hit this like ridiculous grow spur and. and shut up but I was really small kid I. was a new kid every single year getting. picked on difficult time making friends. difficult time keeping friends you know. self-esteem really really low uh that. was just out of grown up though for me. and I obviously struggled through it so.

I moved around a lot as a kid end up. going to high school in D chesta which. is a burough just uh connected to Boston. and um and that was when I started. looking at the military I think it was. my sophomore year high school I started. looking at the Marine Corps and that was. kind of a general direction that I had. to go in and that was based solely off. of commercials right yeah the Marine. Corps has historically been phenomenal. with their marketing they still out. today very enticing just even that that.

that dress class a uniform they have. it's crisp it's clean it's captivating. it's not done by accident and the. commercial I'll never forget with this. guy he climbs this mountain and he. breaks out this sword he takes down this. like Lava Monster and he snaps around. he's in the he's in the dress uniform. and I'm like as a young kid you know. sophomore and high school I'm like this. is the ultimate badass I think I want to. be that guy you know so striving to be. you know a warrior and striving to be.

strong and striving to be respected all. can be generated by you know my time as. a kid where I was a scared young. insecure child and I was like I was. striving for that level of respect and. authority and strength and I was drawn. to the Marine Corps as a sophomore in. high school one year one day I skip. school I go downtown Boston I meet with. a Marine Corps recruiter and he says. yeah man you know graduate um high. school and then come back and we'll get. taken care of so I had kind of a general.

direction at that point yeah the only. thing that I was really interested in as. a kid and through high school was. Athletics you know that was the one. thing that I had no matter where we. lived there were athletic programs so. that's really where I dove in and where. I spent most of my time I play just. about every sport there is you know in. high school uh football lacrosse ran. track wrestled played basketball um. football was ended up being my primary. Sport and that's the one thing that. derailed me from going into the Marine.

Corps out of high school was I started. getting recruited to play football in. college oh [ __ ] you were good at it I. was good enough yeah I was good enough. to get to get recruited um by D2 and. d1aa programs wow so um I ended up going. to college I went to UMass L which is a. D2 program solely because I got. recruited to play football I was not an. academic I struggled through High School. uh in terms of my grades and taking. studying seriously I I despised it I did.

just enough to be able to stay on you. know on the. team so uh football is what brought me. to college so I went to college this is. in. 2000 um and then sophomore year was 911. so the very beginning of my sophomore. year college was uh September of. 2001 so I'm on the way to class one day. and every which was kind of rare for me.

but I'm on the way to. class and everyone is heading back. towards the dorms just droves of. students I stopped one dude I'm like. what's going on he's like yeah all the. classes are canceled and I'm excited I'm. like perfect I didn't want to go anyway. I'm already mapping out the rest of my. day how am I just how am I just going to. waste the rest of this day and I head. back to the. dorm uh so obviously I snap on the. television. and the same thing is on every single.

Channel and that's when things got got. real once I was able to process what I. was seeing. um I was angry man I was really angry. and uh you know I didn't grow up in a. military family so I didn't have this. sense of of patriotism like buried into. me as a child but by the time I was in. college you know at 18 years old at this. point uh I was very proud to to be an.

American and uh the red white and blue. meant something to me and seeing that. happen uh infuriated me I felt I felt. like the planes were flying into my body. physically was the level of of. frustration that I had um and it was how. [ __ ] dare you just do this yeah how. [ __ ] D do you know who you're [ __ ]. with P in my language but if I'm being. authentic that's what I'm thinking do. you know who you just [ __ ] with is.

what I'm thinking um I and we are going. to hunt you down and [ __ ] annihilate. you in your entire lineage this is my. this is my thought process at that. point and um and I really struggled to. stay in school because I I knew what was. going to happen and I wanted to be a. part of that I struggled to stay in. school I ended up meeting and talking to. you know some mentors and some family. and I ended up deciding to stay in and. grind out the rest of my degree uh which.

I did um ended up earning my bachelor's. degree in criminology and then um. immediately after graduated gradu. graduating college I started looking at. options to to. enlist where where did you start did you. start with the Marine Corps again or I. didn't I started with the Navy you. started with the Navy I wanted to be a. seal no [ __ ] started with the Navy and. you know similar to the Marines in a lot.

of ways when you think of now my. education has come along quite a bit. since my sophomore year of high school. now I just graduated college I'm 24. years old right the internet is now a. thing access to information is now a. thing right um at that point in time. which isn't much different than it is. now when you think of like the ultimate. badass the Navy Seals come to mind very. very quickly and that's what happened to. me and I said I want to be in Special. Operations I want to be a seal I want to.

be at the front of this. fight uh so I walked into a recruiter. station in Boston and they had three. branches in the same building they had. the Navy the Marines and the Army and I. went in that order I walked into the. Navy office first and talked to a. recruiter and said hey man I want to be. a seal he said great let's uh let's get. you enlisted in the Navy and then you. can place a request to you know go to. Buds and go that route and I said' okay. thank you and I left and I went to the. Marine Corps office I had the same exact.

conversation and I essentially got the. same exact answer I said Thank you and I. left I went to the Army office and I got. a different answer when I walked into. the Army's office he said we actually. have a program called the 18 x-ray. program otherwise known as the Special. Forces recruit contract. option which gives guys off the street. the chance to bypass the conventional. Army and go straight into Special. Forces I said. okay I'm I think I'm interested in that.

but let me go home and do some homework. uh so I left I went home and I just got. on the Google machine and I started. looking up like what do Green Berets do. I really didn't know you know at that. time I John Wayne right Rambo like I've. seen stuff in movies but I really didn't. have an education on specifically what. these different units did so I just dug. in and just spent the next day two. three um researching what these entities. do and although the Army gave me the.

fastest route to get into SF into soft. it was the mission that I was also drawn. to more than the other options and that. primarily being unconventional warfare. right which is a very sexy term uh. there's a ton that goes into it um and. even just on the unclassified side and. you start to extract and peel back the. layers of what UW is. there's a lot of really interesting and. enticing stuff within that uh so I was.

drawn to that and I said okay I think. this is the route I want to go this is. the mission I want to execute and it. gets me there doing it the fastest so. that was the that was the ultimately the. route that I went is there one. particular thing about uncon fessional. Warfare that caught your. attention I think it was. probably the term denied area which is. where the definition ends right. activities blah blah blah blah blah in.

denied area um you know verbage like. sabotage. subversion um resistance movement. Insurgency like these terms jump out but. when you think about operating in a. denied. area uh that was enticing to me and then. within that I. eventually learned more about the OSS. during World War II. interesting when the jedberg.

teams jumped in Behind Enemy Lines into. France to set the infrastructure to set. the groundwork and the conditions to. enable the D-Day invasion right and that. literally is the origin the Genesis of. army Special Forces comes from the OSS. you know Colonel Aaron Bank he was a. member of one of those jedberg teams and. at the conclusion of World War II he. recognized that there was a value there. that needed to be maintained and grown. and then in 1952 the United States Army.

Special Forces became a thing so when. you look you know again answered the. question I looked at denied area and. that kind of led me down the learning. more about the history of the OSS and. what they did and the way that they did. it um that that that's kind of what. closed the deal interesting for me yeah. being the fact the fact that you. graduated from from. college did you look at going the. officer route I I did only because my. recruiter mentioned it to me he said you.

know you can you can go the OCS route. and become an officer because you have. your college degree uh the 18 XR. contract is not an an option to become. an officer if you want to be an SF. officer you have to enlist uh go through. whatever means you go through to get. your commission and then spend time in. the conventional Army and then you can. drop a packet to go to selection you. just had no interest in that zero and. you know I was I'll say I was inaccurate. there's some accuracy to this but my. perception at that time was that.

officers were the guys sitting behind. desks telling other people what to do. and the enlisted guys were the guys that. were physically doing it which is true. in a lot of sense in a lot of ways that. is accurate um on an SF Detachment. that's not the case right the captain. the Detachment Commander the team leader. is right there doing the stuff with the. boys um but that was my perception at. that time and uh I wanted to be I wanted. to be one of the guys doing the thing. yeah not one of the guys telling someone. else to do the thing you want to get.

your hands dirty oh yeah absolutely well. that definitely happened it did I got I. got what I asked for man yeah. mhm so how long after you made your. decision did you join was it immediately. it was pretty quick yeah man I don't. remember the exact time frame but I I. signed that contract and I was um. heading down to Fort Benning for basic. within a month or two pretty fast yeah I. was pretty fast what did your parents.

think scared I laugh because um you know. my parents are my biggest fans right now. and they they live Green Beret history. and they're all into what we do and how. we do it to the best of their. abilities I laugh because I'm 24 years. old I'm a college graduate okay I'm a. man with some life experience I had made. my decision and I call my father and I. tell him who's my best friend in this. world cuz again he's we're not that far.

in age so he's my father but he's my. best friend I call him up and I say hey. Dad I made a decision this is what I'm. going to do I'm going 18 x-ray Special. Forces recruit I'm enlisting in the. United States Army I'm going to get. myself to the front of this fight as. fast as humanly possible and his. response to me was no you're. not he said no you're not and I said Dad. listen man I love you but uh I'm not. asking you for for your permission I'm. this is I'm just telling you what I'm. going to do so in his mind you know he's.

like he's my father so he's like just. trying to send me to my room you know go. to your room and think about what you. just said you know kind of thing um. which came from a place of concern and. fear right because he saw what was going. on he knew where I was going yeah and. he's you know he's my father and my. mother right so they were they were uh. they were petrified of what was going to. happen. um fast forward again you know to today. and they're obviously extraordinarily. proud you know they're they they will.

bleed to keep the stripes on the flag. red um based on you know mostly the work. that I've done and being alongside me. during during the entire Journey yeah. that's awesome. yeah well going into your military. service so you sign the contract you're. going to go to the SF program what's. that what is that pipeline look like. yeah so it's it's changed multiple times. since then um this is back in '. 07 and.

uh basic training which technically is. called one station unit training or osit. for x-rays uh where and also for. infantrymen that are going to go. basically back to back so rather than. going to basic training and then going. to AIT which is Advanced individual. training where you learn your actual job. or your MOS they're combined so at the. time I think it was 16 or 17 weeks. straight at for Benning you go basic. straight into AIT knock that out and.

then from there you just go right down. the street of Fort Benning to Airborne. School knock that out uh and then from. there head to uh for PR to begin the SF. pipeline process and I'm quite certain. it still exists today the name has. probably changed but at the time it was. called sapy and of course an acronym. stands for Special Operations. Preparatory course and it was this I. think it was a five we or six week block. of training specifically for x-rays to. help get us ready for selection all.

right an enormous asset to take. advantage of over guys that are already. in Miami that don't have that yeah those. guys still have to work and do their job. and then get ready for selection we had. the chance for this program which was. great and it was mostly just a bunch of. PT land naav not tying right some SF. history type stuff but it was very. physical you'd go down to Fort if you'd. leave Fort Brag go down to cam Mall. be there Monday to Friday come back for. the weekend and then repeat for five six.

weeks well at the end of the first five. days that I was in. sopc uh our our lead instructor came. down and said okay we have a selection. class that's beginning next week and. they don't have as many bodies as they. can hold so uh who wants to go to. selection. early and um I was like immediately like. yep like I'm ready to go like I I feel. confident that I'm ready to go right now.

uh so myself and then another like six. or seven dudes left sapy after just the. first week and then we were in selection. that following Monday so it was kind of. a oh wow fast turnaround yeah but I've. been mentally preparing for this for. quite a while right uh so I was I was. ready to go I was primed and ready to go. at this point I was 25 years old after. making it through all the stuff prior to. that so I was ready to go I was excited. uh I I bombed into selection with the. highest level of confidence probably.

more borderline if not completely cocky. that I would annihilate it um went. through selection which at the time that. I went was 14 days got that done and. then straight into the Special Forces. qualification course mostly referred to. as the Q course and at the time for us. us meaning the weapons guys the combo. guys and the engineers. that the Q course could take anywhere. from 12 to 15 months was the time frame.

if you just went straight through that's. how long it would take for the Medics it. was even longer because they had an. additional like nine months of Medical. Training in their MOS phase on top of. all the other stuff so I was in the Q. course for ended up being a a little. over a. year um and then I was assigned to third. Special Forces Group as an 18 Bravo. which are the weapon. sants uh and I signed into group the.

beginning of. 2010 let's go back to selection we just. Breeze through all that so selection can. you give a brief description of what. sure selection actually is for for. people that aren't that familiar with. the top with the uh pipeline yeah yeah. um Special. Forces um assessment and selection you. know it's it's what it sounds like it's. really the the chance for the Cadre to. determine if the individual. has the foundational character traits.

and physical capabilities to be trained. into a Green Beret how long is that. process when I went it was 14 days it's. 14 days I think now it's closer to 20. okay 2021 it's fluctuated as they've. kind of played around with it a little. bit uh immediately before I went it was. 20 days and I want to say I was the. second or third third class after they. had cut it down by a week down to 14 and.

you would think that that meant that. they just removed six seven days worth. of stuff but what they really did was. just sandwich it into a 14-day period as. opposed to a 21-day period oh wow so the. downtime that you would have in between. evolutions and iterations basically. disappeared um and they ran it that way. for a while and I think that over time. the data showed that it was just. slightly too aggressive of an optempo.

for that amount of time uh and they were. breaking dudes off. unnecessarily that would be viable. candidates great candidates um because. it may have just been a little too much. yeah it was a lot um and what that looks. like is it there's a lot of physical. assessments um some even basic just your. basic Amy physical fitness test a. variety of other physical tests um it's. heavy on rucking right you have a ruck. sack on your back most of the time which.

is kind of connected to the SF lineage. of being entirely self-sufficient and. requiring minimal if any support to. conduct operations like you have what. you can carry in on your body so they. really they really amplify that uh based. on historic operations and the way we. oftentimes do conduct. operations and then um and it's really. leadership heavy as well is what they're. evaluating on is leadership and not.

solely one's ability to effectively lead. once you are put in that position. because that those positions will rotate. dayto day you know you're now you're. you're in charge you're in charge you're. in charge for this thing um not only. your ability to lead but also your. ability to support a leader um two very. different things and so they're looking. at your your abilities to do that and. then lastly I'll just say on the on more. technical side uh Land Navigation is a.

is a big portion of that can you. navigate dismounted cross country on. foot at night with nothing more than a. map a compass and a protractor yeah yeah. man that's um that's pretty smart that. they're looking at how can you support a. leader i' I've not heard anybody else. doing that and uh or maybe they're doing. that and I just never picked it up but I. think that would be definitely. beneficial. for all branches but what when you say.

would they just create a scenario for. you as a leader and what would that. scenario look like to see I mean if. they're assessing how you're going to. lead how do they do that I'll just say. that they do take a chunk of time where. they group the students the candidates. together to work as a unit and solve. problems under extreme physical and. mental mental duress okay um problems.

that are I'll go ahead and say. unsolvable yeah um and it doesn't take. much time to recognize that as a. candidate like what you just tasked us. to do is as close to impossible as it. gets I know that therefore okay I see. what like this really is about here it's. not about can I get from point A to. point B successfully within the lot of. time it's about how do we interact as a. unit during that process knowing that.

what we're trying to do is not going to. happen very interesting yeah how many. guys were in selection roughly my class. had around 300 300 around 300 um that. started on day one and I want to say. around 90 made it to the end and then. out of that9 90 they actually selected. maybe 40 45 holy [ __ ] so it's a pretty.

high attrition rate yeah I was not. expecting that number 300 guys wow what. what did you find to be the the toughest. portion the toughest. portion well for one on the physical. side I did. not properly plan for nor deal with my.

feet foot hygiene is a very real thing. and it's not just keeping them clean. like bathing your body but keeping them. in working condition I my uh. stubbornness and uh immaturity as. blisters would begin I just kind of put. on this like let's just suck it up and. keep going forward kind of thing uh you. know strong Ranger versus smart Ranger. and I I let it get the point where it. almost forced the Cadre to remove me.

from training um because my blisters on. the on my on my little pinky toes were. so badly infected and raw that the medic. took a look at them and was like I may. have to remove you so just improper. planning a failure to recognize the need. to like take care of this machine that. is my body keep it in working condition. same way I take care of my rifle I need. to be taking care of my body uh so the. the pain and discomfort at that point.

this is towards the end was quite High I. brought that on myself and then from a. leadership perspective we talked. about that was challenging for me as. well um you know being an aggressive. like dominant type. personality when you see what you firmly. believe right looks like and someone. else sees it differently I had struggled. with accepting that right so in terms of. being evaluated as your ability as a.

leader and your ability to lead but then. conversely your ability to effectively. support and enable and influence aita I. struggled on on that side of the house. where I was like no the that's wrong I'm. right and you're wrong and I know that. so like let's get to the Finish Line. yeah like I was like we can do this um. if we do what I think is right right and. you know that's just that's just not the.

case um so that that that was a struggle. uh for me but at large man it. uh I thought it would be worse than it. was really I thought it would be worse. than it was I think I just put it on. such a high pedestal that it was in this. kind of unrealistic Stratosphere of pain. and suffering and difficulty um it just. didn't lead up to how challenging I. thought it was going to be it. interesting how many how many guys did. you go through that with like um did you.

have any friends that were in there with. you and did they make it yeah I did yeah. actually some guys that I was even in. basic training with were in my selection. class it was a real small group because. like I said. s they only plucked like five or six or. seven of us from that class early I knew. all of those guys um because we had been. together the entire time from basic to. Airborne to four brag to sopy and now we. left early to go to selection so I did.

know a handful of dudes and I want to. say all of them were selected at the end. wow yeah that's impressive I think so. yeah it's real. impressive well Nick let's take a quick. break and then when we get back let's uh. go on the Q course and what that was. like do how you got through that cool.

to uh solemnly swear that the Tes amid. fresh reports of Reckless Behavior by. Blackwater in Iraq Blackwater CEO Eric. Prince made no apologies to a. congressional investigating committee I. I disagree with the assertion that they. acted like. cowboys and it says three Senators Joe. Biden Chuck Hegel and John Cary the. future vice president secretary of. defense and Secretary of State. respectively POS while waiting for black. water rescue their US Army helicopter. got lost in a blinding snowstorm and sat.

down in Taliban territory on the side of. a. mountain do not ever discount the. Iranian influence on the Biden Obama. administration then as there is. now he said Mr President give us the. authorities and a billion. and in 3 weeks the Flies will be walking. on the eyeballs of our.

enemies Prince said his employees act. with restraint and professionalism he. boasted that none of the US diplomats he. has paid to protect have been killed or. wounded it was a great honor that they. turned to us CU it was a very important. mission right cuz the CIA is the ones. who made that Victory possible for the. United. States we've had a better response from. Blackwater than we have from the state. department we fought back on all fronts. the one place that they had us over a. barrel was with the state department.

Witnesses say the two SUVs were ambushed. as they drove through town another. Convoy of guys that got ambushed and. shot up on the Baghdad Highway the. contractors worked for Blackwater. security a company that protects. Coalition Personnel knowing that the. clowns at the state department and the. Obama Administration did everything they. could to block a program like that. because it's not something they directly. controlled it is such a mess it is such. a Fed Ed swamp Trump is right to call it. a swamp it.

[Music]. is all right Nick we're back from the. break you just graduated or not. graduated got selected is that is that. correct got selected and now you're. going to the Q. course so let's pick up right there yeah. CH course at the time when I went. through you would go down uh to Kent.

Mcall from brag propa for you know a. chunk of time for whatever phase you. were in and that could be you know a. couple weeks two weeks 3 weeks 6 weeks. nine whatever and then you would come. back to brag and just kind of be in a. holding pattern until the next phase. initiated. um and uh and that's what that looked. like so I mean I ended up taking. maybe a year a little over a year and at.

the time that I went. through scratching through my memory you. kind of begin with kind of a leadership. training phase that I believe actually. I'm certain I forget what it was called. but um it's what qualified you to become. uh an NCO was the first thing that you. did so to be an SF it's all it's it's. it's an 18 Series in SF to be an SF guy. a team guy they're all it's all ncos so.

regardless of your rank when you start. the Q course you will graduate the Q. course as a sergeant so the first phase. of that was that kind of collective. leadership training or whatever they. called it kind of NCO professional. development level two whatever it is to. credential you to become uh NCO on the. back end of the Q that was the first. phase for us um this is again back when.

I went through and then um I believe the. next phase was small unit tactics which. kind of mirrors like a Ranger school. style where you conduct Squad and. platoon Ops as a as a unit you're in the. field for seven eight weeks and then. after that I believe is when we went to. sea school um. survive evade resist. Escape uh that course we went to that.

and then I believe after that we went to. language training what's your language. my language now is Persian fasci my. language in the Q course was Russian do. you speak both I would say I have a. working knowledge of FY my Russian has. since gone almost completely away well. you might need that some soon possibly I. may have to get back into the books I. don't know why I'm laughing but yeah uh.

that could come in handy maybe it's. riding a bike I don't know see if I. can't pick it back up so language uh. which for the more difficult languages. like your Arabic or your Mandarin or. your Russian it was 6 months in language. school for the easier languages Spanish. French your like Latin based languages I. believe they went to for like four. months okay well you go through language. phase every 18 series guy or girl um has.

to be language qualified that's like one. of the. most critical skill sets of an 18 series. is to be able to speak uh a native. language based on your area of. operation so uh 6 months of Russian and. then after that was Robin sage which is. kind of the final culmination exercise. uh within the Q course which still. exists now and it's um you they create.

an actual sfoda with 12. individuals um actually I'm sorry I. forgot my MOS phase was in there as well. uh which I was an 18 Bravo which of the. weapon Sant so that was like a 13 14. week POI that you go through to actually. learn your job so once you get to Robin. sage at the end they put together an. actual Oda with the actual Moss's the. way an actual team is built and that's. the first time that you really get to. experience these other skill sets.

because up to that point you're just. kind of in these stove pipes as a. general candidate or you're learning a. specific job you get to Sage and now you. have an actual team leader an actual. Captain you have the com guys you have. the Medics you have the engineers that. are all on that team um which was really. kind of cool I I I'll never forget that. we were actually able to see what these. guys can do like what they learned. actually able to employ it you know. those Comm skills those demo skills.

those medical skills even for just. something as small as we're doing you. know our initial infill which is. typically hell uh where you're you know. you're rucking over 100 pounds to get to. your operational area and uh you know. you're cramping or you got twist an. ankle or something and like a medic. shows up and prior to that point we had. ever experienced that you know. like someone's like medic you know and. like an actual Dude shows like a a medic.

shows up so at one point I was cramping. and overcomes our medic and he actually. like knows medicine he's like okay I'm. like wow you guys are really a thing. Okay cool so it starts to feel you do. exist yeah you guys do exist this is a. real thing and you you're kind of. experiencing for the first time what an. Oda brings to the table because you got. all these you know Advanced skills. within each. individual um. and then that's the end of the Q course. man graduate da you Beret and then to.

the team you go so I got a couple. questions about Q course so if if you. can't answer them great if not I totally. understand but so you said you graduated. or you got selected with about 40 out of. 300 guys some my di is are they after. every selection is that who is in your Q. course or do they is it more is it more. selections. do you know what I'm saying I do yeah. and at the time that I went through when.

you had those those areas of white space. those gaps in between phases it was so. that other candidates that were coming. into the Q course would arrive and then. you could get enough bodies to put into. that next phase so for example like when. we needed to go into Su small unit. tactics we would go in I think it was. like 80 or so students okay that would. go in at a single time so you'd have. more guys that had just come out of. selection or the face prior to that but.

then you'd also be losing guys along the. way guys that didn't make it through the. previous phase so guys were coming and. then guys were going throughout the. duration of my Q course experience some. would obviously stay with you those that. just went straight through without any. issues but you know injuries happen. where guys have to have to recycle a. certain phase or guys just flat out get. dropped from the course for whatever. reason um so it is it is a little bit of.

a revolving door where people are coming. and going but I I had you know a good. group of dudes that I was with from the. very beginning that I ended up. graduating. with interesting. um on with the with the with your job. specific training you're an 18 Bravo. weapons guy MH or and I think you said. did how long is that I want to say when. I went through it was maybe 13 14 weeks.

so are all the different jobs all the. different areas of expertise are they. all that same length so you guys jump. back in for Robin sage together all. except for the uh Medics which was about. twice as long the medical the for the. medic their MOS phase I want to say it. was like 12 months or 9 months long so. the rest of the groups would be Contin. to advance while the Medics that you. started MOS phase together were still in.

MOS phase as you're pushing past to the. next. phases um but then also language was. thrown in there too so some of them are. six-month courses some of them were. four-month courses so by the time you. get to the back end of that now you've. got different bodies yeah because each. phase could be diff a different length. depending on the MOs and the language. that you were learning [ __ ] this program. is a lot longer than I uh originally. thought well now it's much different um.

I want to say maybe 3 years ago they. optimized the CU course and uh it's much. more streamlined now where that those. gaps that existed in between phases have. been drastically reduced where they're. they're intentionally giving guys enough. time to rest and recover but then. they're not waiting for the next group. to be able to catch up so guys are going. through the course. now almost as a single entity the entire.

time unless someone gets dropped for. some reason okay so now it's much more. streamlined and the likelihood of you. starting and ending with the same faces. is much more likely than it was when I. went through okay did you guys lose a. lot of guys. in in the course we did and that's kind. of one of the things that that has. shifted with the Q course is you know. when I went through there were a whole. variety of different Gates that you. needed to successfully complete in a lot.

of ways it was uh you know 12 18mon. assessment and selection because there. were a lot of different times when you. didn't meet the standard and you would. have been removed um now the Q course is. looked at more so as a training course. where you're there to learn you're we've. done the assessment and selection on you. already that's what selections for for. we've determined that you have the. character trades and physical capacity.

to be molded into an entry level Green. Beret and we will do that through the. qualification course where we will teach. you the foundational aspects of being an. SF guy so it's it's the attrition rate. now in the Q course is much lower than. or higher than it was when I went. through we we lost more dudes in the Q. course when I went through then is lost. now interesting yeah how things are.

evolving with your weapons training what. can we go into that a little bit yeah. what so what is a daily what what are. you doing there is it sniper school is. it or are you going through all these. different weapon systems and and and. you're just becoming an expert on all of. them yeah I mean expert certainly a. strong word um but you do gain kind of. an entrylevel knowledge of of uh the. majority of the weapon systems that. we're going to use that are organic to.

an Oda and or the ones that we would be. working within country alongside of. Abner Force so for a variety of. different Small Arms both um domestic. and foreign um sniper systems Cru serve. weapon systems uh sniper systems and. then indirect systems such as like. mortars so you get kind of a baseline. understanding of how they function um. how to troubleshoot them and then how to. incorporate them into training so the. braavos while the Bravo section the.

braavos themselves are kind of your. weapons experts on how they how they. work and how to keep them working uh. they're also. the their primary support function on. the team is that of training and. operations so actually planning and. executing training as well so they do. give you an introduction into what that. looks like how to actually set up a. training event and then also incorporate.

all these different weapon systems that. we're teaching you how to how to use if. you wanted to go to sniper school so. you're not going becoming a sniper. during that no time so say if a. Communications guy wanted to go to. sniper school once he once he was. accepted into the Oda would he be able. to or did they only take braavos he. absolutely could he could absolutely. okay yeah um often times we get kind of. pigeon hold based on our our MOS on what.

Advanced skills is best suited for that. individual there's an argument to be. made that if you're a weapons guy you. already have a found a solid foundation. understanding of how weapon systems work. sending that dead dude to sniper School. makes a lot of sense because it's. obviously it's a weapon let's not let's. Advance this guy's skill set um but also. there's an argument to be made to send. someone else to bring them more up to. speed on how weapon systems that Lodge. work um and also if this dude's. operating the mortar he can't be. operating a sniper rifle so let's get.

someone else that knows how to operate. that sniper rifle so we'll send our you. know our com guy to sniper school um. you'll see the same type of argument uh. when it comes to going to become a jtac. like get jtac certified right A lot of. times it makes sense to send your your. com guy to go become a jtac because he's. familiar with operating Radio Systems. yeah that's what jtacs use um you could. also have the same the same argument the.

other way saying if this guy's managing. comms at large for the commander or for. the element maybe it's best to get. someone else who knows how to operate a. radio who's then able to do J Tacker. while our Echo while our com guy is. managing kind of General com systems so. essentially you are not limited by what. Advanced skills that you can obtain B. based on your current MOS okay what. other what other jobs are there what.

other Specialties are there we got. weapons guy Communications guy on the. Oda yeah yes you got your team leader. your Detachment Commander which is a. captain so your officer you've got an. assistant Detachment Commander which is. filled by a warrant officer which is. what my position is um you have your. team Sergeant which is your senior. enlisted leader your highest ranking. enlisted guy who really runs the team. team like he runs the boys all the guy. all the ncos on the team they answer to.

that man um you have your intelligence. Sergeant which is not one that you can. obtain in the qualification course. that's something that you would do after. the. fact you then have your uh your weapons. guys your combo guys your engineers. which focus on both building things and. then blowing things up um so demo okay. so they would be a breacher they would. be the subject matter expert in.

breaching and uh their job is to create. breachers on the team okay um and then. you have your combo guys so that's the. just kind of General breakdown of your. of your ncos your weapons and your. Medics your weapons your combo your. engineer and your Medics uh there's two. per team a senior and a junior and then. you've got one um Intel dude you've got. one um assistant Detachment Commander.

one team sergeant and one Captain to. make up the 12. okay so you finish up Q course what's. graduation. like you know it's a historic moment. right for for every SF guy it's. something that you've been dreaming. about putting this little green hat on. your head uh for multiple years. probably so uh yeah you know it's. exciting it's like thrilling and then.

very quickly after that you realize that. you're back at the bottom of a of. another massive mountain and a lot of. uncertainty it's like things just got. real man like you're no longer a student. you're no longer a candidate you're the. guy and you knock on that team room door. for the first time nervous not knowing. what to expect and uh and then real work. begins yeah what what is being so close.

with your dad with your old man what was. his reaction when you told him hey I've. I've made it through this pipeline I'm. going it's I'm done yeah thrilled you. know he was booked his his flight to to. Fort Brag for my graduation probably. before anybody else and. uh extraordinarily proud and then also. nervous man you know because now things. are getting real you know when you're. going through that pipeline or really. any pipeline within soft there's a.

chance that you don't they don't make it. through the other end you know it could. happen to anybody and uh I think he was. confident that I would be successful but. there's still that you know that degree. of uncertainty on whether or not my. son's actually going to go to. Afghanistan as a Green Beret there's a. level of uncertainty you done that you. done that little green hat for the first. time time and now you know it's going to. happen so as proud as he was in that. moment I'm sure that he would tell you.

that he was also equally. petrified yeah so you go to the what. what Oda do you go to I went to um an. Oda in first Battalion third group okay. mhm do you guys have any choice in where. you're going or it's just Manning this. is where you're going yeah that's it you. you know you show up to group for the. first time especially as an x-ray I had. never even been on like a real like unit.

compound before you just kind of. Meandering around lost you get a little. bit of guidance like go check in at the. you know the CQ desk up front and. they'll get just squired away but you. get this list of impr processing. requirements when I showed up my entire. company was forward in Afghanistan so. there was just a few kind of rear. detachment guys that were around um that. I I linked up with on my first day and. they're like all right go you know go. through all the the different sections.

in. process and uh I'm like okay so I have. no idea what any of these things are. like I got to go to S1 S2 S3 I'm like. what is that what is that and uh so I'm. just kind of Meandering around getting. getting familiar with the. area um and I was met my sag major and. he told me you know the entire company. is forward right now U minus one team. and they only have about a month left so.

we have a couple options here one is I. can wait until these guys get back and. then they're going to go into a reset. phase and I can put you on one of those. teams or I can put you on this other. team that's here now that's set to go. over in it was like four or five months. oh wow and I said okay and you asked if. you had a choice and I really I really. didn't like initially but on once I got. to the company level he brought this to. my attention. and he's like the team that is here. they're a unique team um they don't do.

what like the other odas do they're. different and it's not uh a a good fit. for everybody I said okay had no idea. what this guy was talking about um like. I came to group you know to kick down. doors and shoot bad guys in the face. like that's what I wanted to do and. that's what most of the teams did this. team was was a little different so he's. like go over and talk to the team. sergeant and uh see if it's a good fit. and I said okay I had no idea what to.

expect so I do that and this particular. Oda which is why they deployed on off. cycle from the rest of the. company um was because of their actual. their mission right and rather than. being a direct action focused Oda which. is what just about all of our odas in. third group were doing focused. um which you talk about kind of the. lineage we talked about earlier of the.

OSS and kind of where SF came. from those guys weren't the ones that. were you know raiding machine gun. bunkers those guys were the ones that. were facilitating those that would be. coming in to do that preparation of the. environment is one of the SF. missions that um that this particular. team focused on. so I still didn't quite grasp all of. that at that time I just knew that these.

guys were the next guys out the door and. I wanted to go so team s and I kicked it. off you know we were good he's like you. know I'd like you on this team if you. want to come do this and I said yeah. let's do it you know so my first. deployment to Afghanistan in early. 201 was um was on a unique team that was. comprised of entirely senior senior SF. SF guys that spent a lot of time on kind. of more of your traditional sfoda and.

then migrated over to do these types of. activities um later in their careers. here I come in as a brand new Cherry E5. x-ray with no experience in anything and. I'm surrounded by dudes that are on. their you know seventh eighth combat. deployment u a lot of upsides to that a. lot of experience and knowledge for me. to attempt to consume but the ba was. also raised really high as this young.

dude who really didn't know much yeah. and um it was a 9month rotation and I'll. pause here for in a second but I'll just. say. that I was fortunate to be put in that. position because although I was having. to outpace my. headlights the entire trip and I was. drinking through a fire hose because of. the type of Team it was I was exposed to. such a wide range of what SF odas are.

capable of doing all the way from you. know getting into an armored gun truck. with machine gun barrels sticking out. everywhere you know in multic cams to go. do that kind of thing to being in a. softskin Corolla you know driving. through downtown kaha and then. everything kind of in between so it was. a lot to try to taken in. process but uh I'm fortunate to have. been in that position because it opened. up my aperture quite a bit from a very. early stage in my career to what odas.

can actually. do I think this is when uh I don't know. if you remember we were co-located. together mhm uh once is this is. that was that your first deployment yeah. okay can I mention where it was yeah I. think so spin Bulldog yeah interesting. yeah which is small I forgot that we had. mentioned that before yeah yeah. so that was your first deployment yep no. [ __ ] mhm we were split um between Spin.

and then uh downtown kaha our team was. where' you like going. most on that. deployment I think I I spent most of my. time down a spin. um I'll I'll say that we had a like a. really great compound our living. conditions were. unbelievable uh which set me up for. failure you know not to fast forward too. far but once I I only did that one trip.

with that team and then I switched um. when we got back and I went to a DA team. and then my subsequent rotation was you. know doing vsso up in the mountains with. nothing but my first trip was real cush. like we all had our own chew I had you. know a full-size bed I had air. conditioning um great food couple. different gyms to choose from it was. like oh this is. this is great like this is the way you. guys live this isn't living off the land. right I'm not having to catch snakes and.

eat them for Den like I got a chow hall. right there this is beautiful you know. what I mean that's the way I lived uh. for nine months and then the root. Awakening happened you know the. following year once I went to a. different. team what so I'm I'm really curious if. you can go into it because I I remember. shooting the [ __ ] with you a couple. times but you guys were like [ __ ]. Hermits there I we never never saw you I. don't think you really saw us either but. but um cuz a back I don't know if it's.

gotten any better but nobody likes. sharing information with other. organizations which I think is. ridiculous but that's my opinion but. what were you guys what were you guys. into down there yeah it it starts to get. uh pretty sensitive pretty quick man. yeah. um yeah makes sense well let's we'll. fast forward then since that's so. sensitive and um so you come back you go. to another team yep how long are you.

home. for I was home. for maybe six months 7 months um but I. really wasn't home much in terms of my. head on my own pillow I dove directly. into advanced schools and and training. um and I'm going back over once during. that time period and then came back so I. want to say it was around 78 months that.

I was I was not deployed in a combat. environment um or at least I was not on. a combat rotation it's probably the best. way to say that um but I wasn't home. much man I was I was obsessed with just. being the best SF guy I could be and. nothing else really mattered to me much. than that so if I wasn't in a school you. know I'm in the waight room or I'm on. the track or I'm in the fight house or. I'm reading training. manuals um because I knew what we were.

going back to so I just wanted to go. completely all in on that makes sense. you. know so you were home for 8 months. something like that go right back out. the door that's not long I mean where. did you go that was quick yeah so my. second um my second combat pump now on. this new team da focused team was in uh. late. 2012 and then uh we went to wak province.

which is historically uh known for its. heavy fighting so we got the mission we. wanted got exactly what we wanted uh. three teams went in along the chalk. Valley and wardak to uh to conduct our. operations and at the time we were doing. a lot of teams were doing vsso which. stands for Village stability operations. a term which has since gone away um and. one that makes a lot of sense. conceptually and the idea behind vsso is.

is you go into these areas to link up. with your P force and conduct operations. with these guys but you can't build up. massive infrastructure you can't build a. fob you have to live and operate within. the conditions that they live and. operate within mostly so that when we. transition out we don't leave behind. something that is unsustainable for them. so let's keep the footprint very small.

let's mimic what they do and how they do. it and then build them up based on their. abilities to build and grow rather than. coming in and setting up massive um. towers and walls and Gates and like all. this Force Pro stuff that won't exist. when you. leave that makes a hell of a lot of. sense it does make a lot of sense um and. we loved it it was like the most. authentic SF mission that we could get. it's like perfect like this is living.

off of the land this is living This Is. Us assimilating to our environment and. our partners and then organically and. and bilaterally building that up. together to whatever degree is. sustainable for them makes a lot of. sense the the downside the risk that. comes with that is something that can't. be ignored because if it's just you guys. at a very small footprint and you don't. have this infrastructure to rely on for. your own personal.

security uh it exposes you to be. vulnerable in a lot of ways yeah um but. we got that's exactly what we wanted man. you know we got exactly what we. wanted uh and that turned out to be you. know just a wildly different type of. deployment than my previous one where. rather than living in a in a in a chew. with heat and air conditioning in a in a. full bed with a television you know I'm. my my living quarters is this old half. blown out semi structured hunk of clay.

that I'm able to try like tuck my head. underneath it and like that's where I. lived yeah until we built up something. that was um you know more suited for us. both for us and for them was were all. three teams collocated at the exact same. spot no okay no no we were. pre-positioned um kind of in a triangle. uh two on one side of the valley and one. on the far side and uh we really just. had each other to support each other for.

operations you know there was a there. was a large surface to air threat in the. area at the time so they were real. hesitant in terms of. resupply the frequency into the scale of. what they could s safely fly in for us. so you're talking like lcla like type. resupply drops speed balls coming by. quick like that's how we were resupplied. the occasional Convoy would come out but. they would almost always just get. obliterated with IDs damn that it just.

became a point it was like we can't. afford to do this but you know what this. is why we have odas like you guys can. thrive in these environments yeah so in. a kind of a sick way even just after a. couple months we almost wanted like less. support like leave us alone like we will. take care of this. ourselves. um and just the three three odas really. mutually supported each other most of. the time so we' conduct an OP they'd be. our qrf they' do one we'd be their qrf.

so we just kind of coordinated with each. other obviously through higher um how we. would kind of stagger different ops so. that we one of us was around to come in. if we needed to for the other one wow. how how many indid guys were roughly. were you guys with running yeah so that. trip we were pned up with an a an aasf. team so Afghan National Special Forces. Detachment which we built to mimic. exactly what an sfoda looks like same.

Moss's same. breakdown K and copy so 12 of those guys. and we live together in the same blown. out area that we had as our camp we. lived. together um when it came time to run. different ops depending on a variety of. variables more than likely the the. threat or the size of the objective we. would bring in uh conventional Afghan. elements from the Afghan Security Forces.

elements so standard Army Afghan. National army guys Afghan National. Police guys at that point there was an. Afghan local police force that was also. in the area so at any given moment when. we would be conducting Ops Andor. training we would be getting dudes that. were coming in from these other elements. for uh for us to work work with is that. is that every operation you would have. these Outsiders coming in no did that.

bother you I mean cuz that's that's. that's a that's that can get tricky you. know a lot of guys get you know they tip. off Taliban tip off Al-Qaeda yep did. that happen uh yeah yeah it did. um it of course made us nervous anytime. we would be bringing in these outside. units um it's one thing when you're. living amongst someone uh you know the. the. threat is mitigated even just because.

you're geographically collocated with. them 24 hours a day these other guys you. have no idea yeah where they're going. who they're talking to you know to say. that the Afghan Security Forces uh. lacked corruption would be a drastic. understatement yeah you know so it. certainly increased the risk To Us by. bringing some of these entities in um So. based on the objective the need for. additional bodies was certainly at the.

beginning of that do we need more humans. to conduct this. up but you also can't. ignore the need to uh enable and. increase Rapport and capability amongst. the P of force at lodge which is you. know what odas really do like we're. we're trainers and AD advisors or. Warriors and we can go in the door when. we need to but when you you really put.

an Oda someplace is because we're Force. multipliers right. so there was I want to say pressure for. us to incorporate some of these more. conventional. elements but um there were times when it. was mandated that we would roll with. other elements. even just I remember I've not had to do. that I've been collocated but it's. always been you you guys were always.

their first and it and it it built a. team and maybe we took over or or or. whatever but I remember hearing a lot of. different a lot of times. that that Green Beret is collocated with. the partner Force you know guys were. getting killed you know inter. interpreters are killing you guys guys. on the team were killing you guys were. were you worried about that had that. happened yet it had happened um and dur.

you know during that time frame this is. now 2012 The Insider attack threat was. considered to be the greatest threat. that we dealt with really as odas yeah. um I I saw firsthand what that what that. looks like yeah you know and. um at the time I felt like especially as. a Bravo who's one of one of our primary. responsibilities is base defense uh I. felt like we had sound ttps Sops systems.

in place to mitigate these. threats uh I was wrong and there were. gaps and we paid some heavy costs. because of that we've learned from them. since but the reality is is there's. there's no way to eliminate that threat. from happening regardless of how many. dudes you're working alongside of or. where they're coming from the reality is.

sfoda go in and we work with indigenous. Personnel that's like our that's our job. man um so there are certainly techniques. and practices to reduce those threats. but it's you are going to take on that. risk if you want to do you know this. kind of. work yeah. how much work were you guys getting. there how much were you going out how. much how many hits were you doing just.

about every day every day yeah every. every day is strong um if we would reset. as we needed based on how difficult or. how taxing the previous opop may have. been but multiple times a week for the. duration of the deployment and most of. which uh we encounter contact on most. most of them sometimes multiple times a. day multiple times a day oh yeah wow. that's a lot of that's a lot of work.

what like I said I know it's sensitive. but what what kind of what were you guys. targeting what were you looking. for. so our our one of our primary objectives. again keep in mind this is. 2011. um one of our primary object objectives. was to open up white space to allow some. freedom of movement for our conventional. forces to begin to work towards.

extraction um so opening up roadways and. creating a whit Space Bubble of a. reduced threat so some of these entities. could get to places like bogram um or. kaha or be able to get to a place to get. out of country right. 2011 we had the excided we were at least. looking at drastically scaling. down um in the future like in the coming.

months so we needed to create uh a. bubble and within our within our area. when we first got there there was no. bubble I mean we got there in the middle. of the night like 2: a.m. got dropped. off on a shinook set up Patrol Bas style. living situation complete unknown. environment no team we didn't rip with a. team we were the first team to go to. this location no [ __ ] yeah first team at. this location so there's nothing there.

uh the team there was a team on the. ground that was physically there but. they had just got there two days prior. or a day prior just to meet the. logistics to start pulling them out so. it was like a high five kind of thing um. a couple of their dudes stayed back. couple of their leaders senior guys. stayed back to give us like a lay down. of the land that they knew of for having. only been there for like 48 hours but it.

was uninhabited prior to us really. coming in so we're there I think maybe. we there two three days before we even. left our little our little area and I. will never I'll never forget I think we. had like a like a four or five truck. Convoy uh and a couple raises couple. side by sides and I was in the trail. vehicle and my veh icle didn't even get. onto the road and we were in contact oh. wow so and I'm like is this seriously.

happening right now so we they literally. dropped us in the middle of a of a. hornet. nest with no white space no freedom of. movement and our one of our primary. missions was to expand that us and the. other two odas along that Valley to. allow some maneuverability for some of. these other units Pro primarily to give. them an option to Evac at of. country holy [ __ ] so you had wow so.

right off the bat it's on right off the. bat like welcome to the show yeah and. it's kind of that holy [ __ ]. moment uh but then also the this is. exactly where we want to be right now so. how often were you guys taking. contact basically every time we went out. um most times we went out at least for. the first half the trip first three. months um we were taking contact just. but every time we left our camp um but.

then the winter came in you know January. time frame comes in and when you're at. that. altitude the snow is epic so things. everyone kind of takes a time out right. you've heard the term the fighting. season right so like at that point of. time really no one can move when there's. 9 ft of snow on the ground and you're in. the mountains so we did kind of going. into this 6 8 we kind of like. hibernation. phase from you know call it January uh.

through February is time frame but up. until that point it was uh it was busy. anytime we just about any time we left. we were uh we were being engaged how did. that first Contact feel it feel. good on that rotation yeah that's the. first time you'd been in contact correct. no. um I was in some prior okay um when I. was in the year. before um so it wasn't my first time but.

it was certainly was my first time with. that level of frequency you know there. was a couple things that we experienced. the year before but we weren't that trip. we weren't uh designed to be in those. types of fights it just. happened that trip um it became. normal right but. so I think just like a a a an Awakening.

that this is real and you're about to. get everything that you ever wanted or. thought you wanted yeah you know out of. being on a team doing this kind of thing. what was the what was kind of the the um. would you guys pursue the thread or. would you break contact what. was what was the deal of that yeah man. you know. the the the term it depends is is used a. lot man it's probably the most.

accurate most of the time we would go. into fire maneuver and we would. Advance um you know the term the bearded. ones was one that was used in. Afghanistan for a really long time and. that term was referencing soft guys yeah. like guys that were able to grow bids. and your conventional guys for a while. if not the entire time they were there. were doing the Army thing right and they. would if they would engage a standard. army or military. Convoy most of the time they would kind.

of circle the wagons deal with the. threat maybe calling some support and. then re button up and then move well. they started realizing that if you. engage the bearded ones those those guys. are going to come after you so just know. what you're getting yourself. into um so most of the time we would we. would Advance on whatever the threat was. uh obiously if you're dealing with some. kind of a TST on an objective that you. need to get to then the commander. leadership would make that call like.

we're breaking contact so we can. continue to chally Mike over to what we. really need to do today so you'd see you. know you'd see both uh when you guys. were taking contact or when you walk. into an ambush like that what how many. how many guys was it on average was it. was it the you know you get everything. over there you get the local farmer. who's just trying to get his Jihad on. true with an AK then you all the way up. to a full-blown coordinated Ambush what. no what was typical I'd say.

um typical would probably be five six. guys five six guys yeah if I had to put. a number on it we of course we get the. random pop shot from the dude you know B. and then he' take off and whatever um. some larger more coordinated ones. 1215 um individuals i' say I'd say if I. put a norm on it I'd say probably like. five or six is what we'd see on any. within any particular engagement.

okay man like how the hell did you guys. even I mean you get dropped off in the. middle of. Afghanistan how do you. find. indid motivated enough that believes in. the cause to I mean how do you build a. team out of nothing where do you find. these guys yeah so. on that trip we we didn't need to find. recruit and build our of force okay they. existed prior to us the team that was.

operating in another location for their. entire rotation were partnered up with. the aasf team that they handed over to. us so those guys were. mounted they drove to our location they. were there a couple days we came in they. handed over all their equipment to us. and their SF team their anas SF team to. us um and that's who we ran with okay. and then the the conventional units you. know they obviously already existed at.

that point they were just in different. locations throughout wardak Province and. then they would move to us for whatever. Ops that they were coming with us on. okay so we didn't have to go through the. like find recruit like validate vet. train like that and early phase zero. phase one you know U campaign style. stuff we didn't have to do those types. of activities cuz we had a p of force. already how long would the typical. engagement.

last typical engagement maybe an hour an. hour maybe an hour yeah you know typical. some again much shorter you know po po. pop we return fire everything goes quiet. we're good let's just move on some. hours um where you know dudes you're. just digging in and they're not they're. not stopping more coordinated ambushes. coordinated attacks uh usually.

reinforced with an IED or two or 10. those could go for multiple hours by the. time we get the situation under control. you know get metac in if need be get qrf. on station you know sometimes that it. could be a long night or a long day. yeah anything about this deployment that. stands out in. particular uh well. the way it ended which was the result of. not only me ultimately end up losing my. leg but uh much more.

significantly uh our team leader was. killed uh our infantry Squad uplift. squad leader was killed we had a a squad. of infantry guys that were there to. support us uh mostly for base defense. stuff but we got to a point where we. were bringing them out on some Ops uh. our our dog was killed this is at the. tail end of the deployment I was wounded. wounded twice in action before that on. two different times the first time we. only been in country a few weeks you.

know I took some shrapnel to the back of. my. shoulder uh couple let's talk about that. incident sure what happened yeah so. um we're we're driving to an objective. we get ambushed uh three or four of us. Dismount we grab a handful of our pner. Force guys we're in the maneuver Realm. element into a village um probably an. aggressive maneuver at that point we. were a real small element and I believe.

that was the first time we'd ever. actually stepped foot in that particular. Village so a lot of. unknowns. um and as we ended up having to clear. our way all the way to this two-story. compound where we were taking um heavy. machine gun fire. from. um idf's kind of coming in there's. they're cracking off. mortars uh grenades are going off around. from us from enemy to us so this this.

particular Village ended up being one. that we went back to multiple times over. the course of that trip I think this was. the first time we had actually entered. into it realized quickly that we were in. essentially a completely and totally. Taliban owned and run. Village um so something exploded we were. getting ready to breach uh the entryway. into a courtyard of this structure that.

we were trying to get to and. um something had blown up behind me. things are blowing up kind of all around. and uh I just feel the impact into the. back of my shoulder was like someone hit. me with a baseball bat and uh I look. back and sure enough there's like a. lemon siiz hole in the back my shoulder. and. uh it didn't really hurt people ask like. what's like getting shot you know so it.

didn't really hurt you know adrenaline's. pumping up but it's like a shock to the. system when you see a hole in your body. like that big it's like oh my God like. am I okay. um and then just kind of go. into medical training training took over. at that point one of my teammates got to. me he busts out like some gauze he just. like plugs it wraps it up real. quick. and I wanted to keep going my team.

Sergeant was was with me on that. element and uh I'm like I'm good let's. roll he's like now let's let's uh let's. break contact let's get back to the. trucks and let's like take a look at you. I was the first guy in that deployment. to be wounded so it was it was a shock. to everybody our leadership was like. holy [ __ ] someone's actually hurt for. real I certainly wasn't the last but I. was the first so team s is like no I. don't like this uh let's let's get out.

of here and let's like reconsolidate and. see what's going on and I remember. throwing somewhat of a childish temper. tantrum right there and then I'm like no. man we just we just fought all the way. to get to that. door they're still engaging the trucks. from the structure we're right outside. the structure [ __ ] um like let's go and. he's like no man I don't like it. probably the right call to make not. because of my wound per se but I think. that we were overaggressive with where.

we were to begin with and at that small. of an element if you were down would. have been very detrimental yeah yeah um. so in a lot of ways I think this may. have been a blessing that my team. Sergeant was like that's that's the. that's the indicator that I think we. need. to wrap up and uh and kind of. reconfigure this thing. so you know get back to the trucks Mount. up my Medics one of my Medics is back. there he takes a look at it he's like. yeah it's not that bad you'll be okay.

end up going back to the house um we. aborted that mission cuz we were on our. way to an objective so we we caned it. went back to the house medic took a look. at it he's like yeah I want to get you. metac and get you in front of an actual. dock to take a look at this and then I. really threw a temper tantrum like a. child and Toys R Us that didn't get his. toy I mean like kicking and screaming. uh you have a lemon siiz hole in the. back of your shoulder yeah and you're. throwing a temper tantrum somebody take.

a look at it yeah I did not want to. leave I did not want to leave I was. really really upset childishly upset um. but I did what I was told got a. helicopter first time be a Medevac get. to one of our um forward surgical teams. an FST that was located somewhat close. by they took a look at it and um. they're like okay the way we treat this. is we pack this thing with this. antiseptic. gauze two three times a day so that it.

closes from the inside out we can't just. sew it shut because it's going to leave. this cavity inside your body that will. fester and infection will happen what. did you get hit with shrapnel shrapnel. yeah Grenade would be my guess Jesus. yeah um and I mean imagine if it was. just you know cuz it hit right here man. imagine if it was just a couple inches. over probably would have been game. over so the the initial plan was to keep.

me at this location which is where our. aob leadership was located aob. leadership is like the company level. leadership so your primary support. element for the odas is where the the. aob was at and that's where this Ford. surgical team was located and uh the. docks are like well we're going to keep. you here until this thing closes to make. sure that you don't get an.

infection and I was like okay cool and. after like 3 days man I really started. to get fidgety and uncomfortable and you. know I'm in the talk and the guys are. the guys are carrying on they're going. on Ops and for the first time I'm. watching some of this thing some of. these things happen through ISR sensors. which was a weird perspective you know. just sitting in there and in The Jock. going is this what is this what this is. what we look like while we're out doing. our thing this is what we look like i'.

never seen it before yeah and I'm just. getting more and more frustrated day. after day after day maybe six seven days. goes by and I've had enough I'm at my. breaking point and uh I grabbed one of. my buddies who's on was on the B team. and I said bring me down to the to the. TAC the only way that we could get into. for the team to get resupplied was for. rotary Wing or fix wi to come out of bam.

that's where they all generated from. there were no flights that were coming. out of where I was located to back to. where my Camp was so I needed to get to. Bram at some point to get back to the. team and after a week or so uh I. convinced one of my buddies to drive me. down to the Tomac at that base and I. went from from one C130 to another and I. think on my third one just talking to. the crew I'm like any you guys going to. Bam and he's like yeah we're about to go.

to B right now I'm like can I come with. you and they're like sure so I get on a. plane and I take off to and I land at. BAM no one knows that I'm gone holy [ __ ]. yeah so I end up at bogram and I'd only. been at bogram like once before and that. was just when we first got into country. and we were there like a day and then we. were flown out to our actual site so I. really wasn't familiar with Pam I land. at the airport I'm like uh I don't know. what I'm doing here I Meander my way.

over to the soft. compound and uh I walk into the. jock now this is where the sodi is. located like our Battalion level command. I walk into the jock and the sodi. command is like what are you doing here. and I'm like I need to I need a flight. back to my team and he's like kind of. confused and the sod of sant major my. Battalion command Sant major is right. there and he's like but like there are.

both they're all trying to figure out. what what am I doing there like how did. I get there and as I'm standing there. the phone rings and remember I just left. where my company level command was. located the phone. rings. and sag major picks up the phone and. it's my company sag major and I can hear. him screaming on the other end of the. phone. and he's csm's looking at me kind of. smiling yep no he's right here in front. of me and I'm like oh yeah okay this. definitely is about me so I'm like am I.

about to be like Court Marshal I have no. idea what's going to happen but I know. I'm in. trouble like this is about to suck and. uh CSM hands me the phone he's like your. Sager major wants to talk to you I'm. like it's okay get off my a sag major he. just comes completely unglued you know. what the [ __ ] are you doing here what. what are you thinking yelling and. screaming so Roger that yes Roger that. sag major nope I know you're right and. then at the end of that he's like listen. dude I totally I get it man like I get.

it you want to get back to your guys um. don't ever [ __ ] do that again and I'm. like Roger that so hang up CSM kind of. thinks it's funny trying to be. professional but also kind of. snickering I'm like I need to ride back. now and uh the doc who had made the. initial decision to keep me at that base. until this healed up compl completely he. had entered the jock and uh he's like no. I told you like we're waiting until.

you're completely. healed and in that moment right around. that time my team is out on an op and. they get into an engagement and now I'm. watching it on a screen in The Jock and. my team Sant takes a round which ended. up being to his abdomen [ __ ] so I'm. watching this happen these guys are. reacting to contact they're in a fight. and now my team sants hit and I come. completely and totally unglued in the. jock in that moment yelling screaming.

like throwing chairs right like a. immature temper tantrum and uh demanding. that I someone gets me a helicopter to. get me back to the guys like now and the. doc the doc dug in he's like no and then. my commander was like Hey dude I don't I. don't know how you're going to tell this. guy no like good luck keeping him. here so um it was maybe a day or two. later that uh they they put me back on a. bird I was still dealing with the wound.

but I knew it was relatively easy to. treat you know my Medics were more than. capable of packing this thing twice a. day themselves so I didn't think there. was a real risk to me my health uh and. they you know they they saw it that way. with a little convincing for me just. kind of flipping out but uh I was back. with the guys after that and right back. to right back to work damn you know so. then it was just you know two three. times a day they're packing this thing.

we're going out on Ops you know I'd. bleed through the bandage whatever I. just like we just kind of managed it it. wasn't it really wasn't that big of a. deal that went on for another couple. weeks and then it was closed up and then. you know we were good and then right. around that time is when I was wounded. for the second time first time was in. September um we infilled in September. this happened in September and then in. November was when I was wounded for the. second time right around the time my. shoulder had closed up mostly anyway uh.

I ended up taking an AK-47 round to the. side of my face. Jesus yeah and um sounds a lot worse. than it is you hear someone say like I. got shot in the face you imagine that if. they're talking to you like half their. face would be you know removed M it just. grazed my cheek and uh the the quick. story is you we're coming back from a. from an OP well let's do the long story. okay coming back from an. OP I'm in the trail.

vehicle lead vehicle has my Detachment. commander in it and uh some other dudes. and they hit estimated 3 400 lb. IED decimates this matte V right and all. I see is the truck I'm working out of a. hatch so I'm up with visual above the. vehicle here the bone. truck is Airborne just picked this thing. up and tossed it like a rag. doll and I'm I see bodies literally.

flying through the sky uh one of which. was uh my buddy another one of my. weapons guys teammate who was in the. turret of that truck just like a like a. lawn DOT truck him smoke obviously and. this thing lands off to the side of the. road off of in a depression inside of an. apple or Orchard is what it was so a lot. of really small. trees. um I had never seen an IID like that.

caused that much destruction before we. had hit some prior to but nothing nearly. to this. scale uh so it's obviously a. shock and um we've obviously rehearsed. you know react I hundreds and hundreds. of times I know what my job is and I. don't uh execute on that requirement I. don't I don't do my job instead I jump. out of the hatch and I'm moving matte V.

and jump off the side of the truck and. take off in a Sprint on foot towards the. vehicle a lead vehicle gets hit I'm. going to Trail vehicle I think we had. maybe four trucks out that day so it's. like a 200 to 250ish yard distance. between me and where this vehicle has. now landed and uh I'm in a balls out. Sprint towards the. vehicle I get to it um this was the. initiation of a complex Ambush so we're. getting diska PKM indirect and RPGs all.

at the same time [ __ ] so the trucks are. maneuvering doing the right thing. getting in this port power positions. right Captain the captain's in the lead. vehicle so he's. down our warrant officer immediately. takes command of the element he's. gathering information team Sergeant's. getting ready to start making tactical. decisions but they're they're getting. the truck set to then decide how we're. going to how we're going to respond and.

I'm already on foot moving towards this. truck I I get maybe maybe 30 40 meters. from it and I cut I slide off the side. of the road into this depression this. apple orchard and uh it's you know it's. November so it's there's not a lot of. vegetation on these trees it's mostly. branches so you can see through the. orchard pretty good I can see the truck. and it's on its it's on its driver's. side okay it's on its driver the.

driver's side door is pinned against the. ground passenger side door is facing the. the sky and I'm maneuvering towards it. um recklessly right this wasn't like a. tactical like I was I don't think I was. even at the low ready I think I was just. like sprinting towards this thing rifle. in hand you know and I trip and fall and. what I had tripped on was the my. teammate who was in the the turret he.

had landed about 35 or so meters from. the truck so Tripp and fall didn't see. him eat [ __ ] turn around and it's my boy. Nate. um I know everyone in the truck is dead. before I get there I'm convinced of it. like when I saw that destruction I'm. like I'm going to roll up on five or six. uh bodies that's what I'm about to see. trip on Nate turn around and he's alive.

and I'm like holy [ __ ] okay he's. incoherent he's obviously dealing with. some severe blast injury his leg is. snapped in half just below his. knee um but he's alive and it takes a. second for me to be like what the [ __ ]. am I looking at okay so I do like a. quick sweep on him right training at. this point does what it's supposed to do. and uh do a quick sweep on. him and he's like making sounds he's.

gasping but he's he's a he's breathing. and he's not bleeding profusely from. anywhere which are two good signs to get. pretty quickly and uh within just a. couple seconds the truck starts to get. engaged by by three dis dismounted. Fighters enemy Fighters they hadn't seen. seen me yet they were just aimlessly or. just kind of. irrelevantly just shooting AKs at the. truck right and I can hear it my back is.

to the truck but I hear like Ting Ting. Ting Ting Ting it was a new sound so I. snap around and I see these these three. uh these three. combatants shooting at the. truck uh so I have to make a really. difficult decision to leave my friend. and go deal with this threat that was. the first time I was put into position. like that I did what I was trying to do. at this point and uh and I leave Nate. who's like asking me for help which was.

really hard to do uh eliminate two out. of three right boom the third takes off. running and I'm maneuvering through. these trees he's kind of running on an. angle away from me and he's firing his. AK over his shoulder while running away. and I'm trying to get an angle you know. through these through this Orchard and. next thing you know I'm on my ass and. I'm looking up at the sky I just see I. just see blue the blue sky I'm like what.

the [ __ ] just happened to me and my. initial thought was that I had run into. one of the branches of one of these. trees and it just knocked me. down I didn't even I didn't find out for. a while later like over an hour later. that i' had actually been clipped [ __ ]. by one of the AK rounds that this idiot. was just spraying over his shoulder. right um I get I get up not knowing what.

had knocked me. down and I my initial thought is to. continue to engage on this guy but I I. noticed that the vehicle that the truck. that had that had hit the IED was now on. fire so the back of the cab is cooking. visible Flames smoke flames and I don't. know who's inside the truck. I know Nate got ejected from it but. other than that I haven't seen any of. the other guys so I let this I let this. threat go uh which even in that moment I.

was like [ __ ] you know but I I feel like. I need to check this vehicle and it's. like Rubble man you know even the turret. was completely collapsed. in fortunately the passenger side door. had been blown off the hinges and that's. again facing the. sky so so I climb up the side of the. truck and we're still taking rounds now. the now our trucks are engaged a couple. guys got some 60 mm mortar out so like.

we're returning fire but they're in a. firefight and I'm kind of in between all. that I climb up the side of this truck. and I look down into the cab and uh the. only thing I see is our captain who's. buried kind of where the driver's seat. would be. and he's talking on the radio he's got. coms up and he's trying to relay the. situation which says a lot about that.

dude yeah you're in a completely. obliterated truck that is on fire and. what you're doing is telling haa what's. going on it wasn't communicating anybody. because everything had been destroyed. but uh he was just that fixated on doing. doing his job wow. remarkable our captain is a big boy all. right Captain's like 67 like 290 played.

offensive line at West Point oh [ __ ] a. big cat with kit with equipment he's. over 300 lb Big Boy in fact we used to. joke um that the captain and I could. never be in the same vehicle because we. were the only ones that were capable of. lifting and moving the other one. it's ironic yeah that this ended up kind. of playing out so you know I look in and. I see this no one I don't see anyone. else in the truck trucks on fire rounds.

from inside the vehicle are now cooking. off po it's like looking inside of a. like a bag of popcorn while it's. popping you know I do like this real. fast assessment of the situation and. like we're still taking rounds rounds. are tinging off the side of the truck. trucks on fire rounds are cooking off on. inside the truck and I got a dude who's. 290 lb who's wedged inside just a r pile. of metal and I'm like d neither one of.

us are making making it out of this like. this is it but but okay. um so I climb in through the door and I. start shimmying this massive dude uh. kind of upright and I managed to just. wedge them kind of where like the dash. would be and I climb myself back out um. um grab his grab his kit and I'm able to. just like yoke this dude up out of the. passenger side door onto the top of the. truck.

now um and some teammates had showed up. at this point some P Force guys had. showed up at this point and I just Chuck. them off you know the side of the. vehicle and uh they took control of. him he uh one of his legs was. essentially completely severed below the. knee uh he had severe damage to his. other leg. uh he had an arterial bleed in his arm. and he's just mangled with you know. shrapnel and burn uh injuries should. have probably should have died didn't um.

he's alive and doing well today but. uh get him out get him you know to the. guys and then do at this point the. almost the entire truck is engulfed in. flames so we all get away from it and. now we're just searching the remote area. for uh for the rest of the guys that. were in the truck we round up all of. them they were in different locations. all of them were alive which to this day.

blows me away it's like I don't know how. any of you guys survived you know they. were ranging in different severity of. injuries they were all obviously wounded. to to a degree but Consolidated you know. got a CCP together uh created a hlz and. then you know we at that at right around. that point we had uh air support that. came in so things calmed down. uh and it was while I was treating one. of our attachments that was that was. with us his eye had um completely come.

out of his face his eye was hanging like. where his cheek was and uh so I'm. putting his eye back into his head at. the CCP I'm treating him and I'm. wrapping him up and uh one of my. teammates comes over to me and I just. feel like a piece of gauze go against. the side of my face I look up and I'm. like what the [ __ ] are you doing uh he's. like you're like gushing blood so I know. I'm covered in blood but I had just been. manhandling you know my team Sergeant. who was bleeding from like nine. different places it still hadn't. registered to me that I had actually.

been shot but it had clipped an ottery. inside my cheek so I'm pissing blood not. knowing it one of my teammates slaps. this against so he's holding this. against me and I'm working on uh this. other dude and. um we get everyone prepped for Medevac. get them loaded up they all go out. qrf showed up on ground on the ground. they launched a couple vehicles from one. of our sister teams that came over so. they get there and uh senior medic's.

looking at me and I still haven't seen. it you know he's looking at me and he's. like I got to get you medac man you're. like you need to get. this taken care of by a. doctor and I'm like [ __ ] no I'm not I'm. not going anywhere you know we play this. game once again I lose that battle once. again eventually I get on a Medevac bird. that they pick me up and uh they take me. to Bam this time which is where they had. taken the rest of the. guys I I'll never forget I'm on the.

flight to Bam and the the the flight. Medics uh he's he's handed me a fentel. lollipop do you remember fentel. lollipops did you get those we used to. get fentel lollipops they stopped. issuing those a while ago but he's like. hey man take this and I'm like no like. get it get I don't need that he's like. no man like it's going to make you feel. good like it's going to chill you out. I'm like no I I'm I'm I'm fine I'm. pissed I don't need anything uh Not only.

was I just really angry but I knew I was. going to where the rest of the boys were. at and I wanted to be coherent and like. be able to be there with them I didn't. know if these guys were going to drop. dead right there were some severe wounds. and [ __ ] so I'm like no I'm fine I need. to be Lucid I need to be able to like be. there for these dudes so I'm good flight. lands and I'm still in full kit I got. all my [ __ ] on I got all my stuff man I. get off the bird and uh you know some.

poor you know private is is waiting for. me with a wheelchair I think that was. just kind of their. protocol and I like kick that out of the. way and I go storming into the hospital. looking for my team leader and my. teammates to see what their status is. and I get like bum rushed by like four. or five medical staff that that worked. there and uh they had a protocol that. they that there was no like weapons and. grenades in like the actual treatment.

room like in the ICU where they brought. guys in and I got grenades and I got my. pistol and I got all the toys still on. me and they're trying to get me to. relinquish my weapons and my kit to them. so they can secure it according to their. protocol meanwhile I am furious and. these guys are just in between me and my. teammates yeah so things got real heated. real quick uh to the point where some. people had some legitimate concerns that.

I was going to like go lethal on some. people I didn't right um one of my good. good buddies real senior guy happened to. be there and he came over and like. grabbed me and like you know pulled me. in real close like eyeball to eyeball. was like Nick like you need to just like. calm down. man uh so I did I played nice you know. found found some of the guys some of the. guys were in surgery some of the guys. were just kind of out in treatment bed. so you know on bedside I'm checking on. them and uh doctor comes over to me and.

he's like hey man come over here and. let's let's get your face taken care. of I'm like okay I'm like first off like. I got to take a piss I haven't done that. yet they're like sure so I walk in I. take a piss I'm washing my hands and I. look in the mirror this is the first. time I saw myself and it looked like a. zombie had taken like a bite out of the. side of my face it was ugly as [ __ ] and. I'm still. leaking and it was in that exact moment. I was like man I owe my medic an apology.

cuz in my mind this was just like a. scratch and he was. overreacting yeah but once I saw it I. was like yeah I'm I'm kind of an [ __ ]. okay note to self go tell Elliot that uh. he was right and I was wrong again so. you got shot in the face you hadn't seen. it yet you look at it it looks [ __ ]. horrible no. and the the first thought is I owe the. medic and apology it's not holy [ __ ] my. face is [ __ ] no no no it was I was a. complete dick oh my God now for the.

second time on our senior medic who's a. phenomenal medic and knows what he's. doing and made the right decision once. again and I uh had a lot of like. negative things to say about him in that. moment so I'm like yeah I mod. apology. um so they take me over to get treated. and there was a plastic surgeon who was. in country who was an Army reservist a. doctor in the Army Reserves in his.

civilian practice he's a plastic surgeon. he owns he runs his own Plastic Surgery. Clinic this is the guy that is there to. treat me he obviously did a phenomenal. job you can barely tell it's even there. right you really have to. look so he's like okay um I'm going to. give you uh some local and anesthetic. and then I'm going to get you on uh some. pain management. intravenously cuz this is going to suck. and I'm like you're not giving me any um.

any pain meds and nothing that's going. to like affect my clarity my ability to. like see what's going on and talk I. don't want to be sleepy my guys are in. surgery like I need to be there with. them hit me with some local that's fine. and then like let's go and the doc's. like yeah man like you're going to want. some um like morphine or or diloted or. whatever it was that they wanted to give. me like this is going to like I have to.

cauterize your face back together which. is just this little welder it's like a. medical welder like that's how I have to. do it because it clipped the an ottery. um there's also some shavings from the. from the round that I have to extract so. I have to go in there and pull out these. little these little pieces and then I. need to melt your face back together. you're going to want. uh something more than just a. local and I'm like [ __ ] off no like just. do it and my commander had showed.

up um the doc looks over at him and he's. like just go ahead just like do it so. I'm laying you know I'm laying on my. side and. uh he that'ss cauterizing it back. together smell right like burning flesh. it it hurt smokes coming out of my face. it was more of just kind of like a weird. uh a weird. moment but what abruptly ended that. weird moment was who is now my wife.

walked in the room so she was deployed. as well wow and her and I were really. really close and uh I had been now. wounded. twice and she walked in to the hospital. and uh she had a look of both fear and. anger on her face she was like pissed.

that I've now. been shot up. twice so I'm looking at her as they're. doing this and I'm like oh man she's. like really angry at me right now okay. um we'll we'll have that. conversation obviously they put it back. together man and uh it wasn't it wasn't. that big of a deal really uh it. obviously could have been a lot worse so. I was I was at that location for another.

week or so they were also again. concerned about infection I spent most. of that time in the hospital cuz the. guys were still there the entire time. before I uh got back on a helicopter and. then went back out to the boys and at. this point really no one tried to No One. tried to keep me there for any longer. then then a week because I had kind of. already displayed some insubordination. to find a way to get back anyway so it.

was about a week maybe eight or nine. days and then I was back with the guys. Jesus dude we're going back to the guy. that shot you do you have any. idea if he's dead no idea no idea no no. idea. like I'd say no I'd say my chances out. he's dead but um. I know Rog that yeah let's take a break. and then we'll get into the rest let's. do.

it what's going on. [Music]. patreon join me on V vigilance Elite. patreon for a live video. teleconference all right we're back from. the break this is getting real heavy mhm.

um so let's go ahead and walk us through. the third. incident Yeah man. so snow comes. in uh December January is time frame. everything kind of just takes a pause. tactically cuz no one can really move. around so kind of everyone just kind of. goes into hibernation mode where we. were and then things pick back up. again maybe late February you know so.

this is the same deployment right we. came in in September of 12 now we're in. February going into March of 2013 and we. got uh we're getting ripped out I think. it's end of March time frame. ish so March 13th. I'm sorry March 11th uh. 2013 and we were getting ready to go on. uh a larer.

operation joint Mission so we had Afghan. National army guys we had Afghan. National Police guys we Afghan local. police guys all coming on this. thing and uh at this point we had. developed our our camp you know we built. it up again to the level that that we. could that was appropriate with our. mission and we essentially had two tiers. built within it we had a we had an. external wire that was some busted up.

Hesco and some chain link fencing you. know nothing nothing extravagant but we. had a perimeter and then within that. initial perimeter we had our motorpool. area which is where pack our vehicles. you know Storage Fuel whatever and then. there was a separate set of force. protection uh between that and then. where we actually lived and where our. Operation Center was and those kinds of.

things and we had. developed an sop a standard operating. procedure where when we would do these. larer missions with these other elements. they would show up and they would stay. outside of our compound. completely the. leadership that was necessary would come. into our. motorpool so that we could brief them on. what it is we were going to go do they. didn't know until that point which is. part of our Force Pro um and operational.

security measures was to tell them. basically at the last minute to try to. minimize the chance of them making that. public. right so the elements would stay outside. their trucks would stay outside and then. leadership would come in our leadership. would brief them on what we were doing. then we would go through our final you. know our final brief our final comps. checks and then we'd roll we had. developed that. system months before and it worked it.

was you know it was. effective well on this particular day. the leadership rolls in as well as a. Ford Ranger pickup truck that has a. truck mounted PKM machine gun on the. back of it. truck rolls in with two dudes in it and. immediately I see. it and I know that this is a violation. of uh sop so I'm immediately annoyed.

like these guys you. know I'm out of. Crossroads on one side I error on the. side of security and I address the I. address that problem right there and. then either directly walk up to the the. dude that drove the truck in and say hey. get get your truck out with the other. vehicles or talk to my team Sergeant. talk to my captain and then they address. that through their chain of command I.

one way or another I address that right. there and then so I error on the side of. security the other option is to error on. the side of Rapport and. relationships and let it ride I'll bring. this up with my leadership. after we're done with this thing they'll. address it with their leadership it'll. get. corrected I end up going that. route uh you know in hindsight which we.

can talk. about it seems like it was an it's it. was an obvious mistake uh that was made. and the results of what ended up. happening would be indicative of that. being. true that said you know when you're when. you operate by with and through. indigenous Personnel there's a constant. balance between security and efficiency. or security and and trust or Security in.

that. relationship we require Rapport and a. successful amicable working relationship. with a force in order to be successful. we SF guys rarely if ever do anything by. ourselves it's always along with another. group of people so the development of. that relationship and the maintenance of. that relationship is critical to our. mission. success it's something that's important.

you know for the lay person or civilian. out there that doesn't quite grasp. that uh we're only successful if we can. Foster and maintain relationships with. other human beings so that makes those. decisions just that much more difficult. to make y and and you know you're also. conditioned to erroring on the side of. Rapport and relationship maintenance and. nothing bad happens you know you're.

successful like that was the right. decision to make in that moment only. because there was no negative effect. that happened because of. it so I decide begrudgingly even in that. moment like you know these guys all. right fine I'll deal with this later you. know we get this taken care of let's. just get through today get through this. this Mission and then we'll address. that so we're in we're in essentially. this massive Circle once the pent of. force leadership is briefed on what. we're doing we're in this massive Circle.

going through our final premission brief. as a unit and our final coms checks. which our sop was we get into a circle. and uh someone would initiate you know. they're up on comps everyone gives like. the thumbs up you know I can hear you. and then just go around the circle. everyone's just checking their coms. everyone good good good well to me and. uh you know I'm like Bravo too and uh. they're like good so I know my coms are. up I can hear them they can hear me and.

being the somewhat. insubordinate Soldier lack discipline I. turn and stop walking towards my truck. which is behind me trucks running I. start walking towards my. truck as the coms checks are continuing. and as I'm walking away from the group. is when I hear the rounds crack off for. the first. time so one of the individuals that was. inside that Ford Ranger who was an.

Afghan National Police Officer someone. that we had actually been training with. and working with for the duration of our. deployment jumped up on the back of the. truck and engaged into the group with. that PKM from you know 15 feet away. an extremely vulnerable position that. we're in we're lumped together it's just. an ideal time frame to initiate an. attack like that with that kind of.

weapon system at that close proximity. the likelihood of success is really. really. high rounds are clacking off behind. me. and my first thought was that one of our. pner Force guys just ended their rifle. like just finger slipped on the trigger. clacked off round it wouldn't be. uncommon for that to. happen but after the second round third. round fourth round right I'm registering. that it's a it's continuous fire it's.

coming from a belt fed uh this isn't a. negligent discharge this is someone's. intentionally shooting at something I. don't know what it is someone's shooting. on. purpose and I I snap my head. around and uh I see what's happening. right Gunna 15 or so feet away from the. group ripping into the crowd guys are. dropping guys are. scrambling. um.

chaos. so my training tells me to move to CBA. and eliminate the threat essentially. just a react to near Ambush type. scenario which we' rehearsed on hundreds. of. times a key point is when I had. initially come out. to get the trucks turned on my go bag my. primary weapon system and I had. positioned those inside the vehicle and. then I left them there and I went to do.

our final comps checks so the only. weapon system I had on me was my pistol. it's an important. note move the CBA eliminate the threat. is what I'm trained to. do well. what prevented that from happening. thing is I was able to see in front of. me 6 7 feet one of our infantry uplift. soldiers who was scheduled to come out.

on that mission with us that day he was. one of our. drivers young kid uh first deployment. fresh out of. basic and he's. Frozen and he's 15 feet in front of a. guy who's shooting a machine gun in his. general direction and he's like a daring. headlights. and uh seeing that is what prompted me. to move towards him rather than move to. a piece of cover which I had right next.

to me so I take a couple real aggressive. steps in his. Direction and. uh kind of I put myself in between him. and the shooter so I'm facing this kid. and my back is now to the shooter and I. came at this kid with such velocity that. when I hit him I I hit I hit him I made. contact with him and then I was hit in. the back of my leg for the first time. and I end up just falling straight down. on top of him so I'm laying on top of.

this kid on the ground where chest to. chest I know I've been hit PKM from 15. ft feels like a. sledgehammer smashing into your body not. so much a penetration type feel but just. impact and I've been shot you know. before I've been blown out before I was. familiar with it I'm like okay I know I. was hit not sure the severity but I'm. hit and then I feel a couple more. impacts boom boom boom boom [ __ ] so now. I know I've been hit multiple times I'm.

like this is okay this is this is. different than the times before. already. um I drag myself and this. kid four five ft wasn't very far for us. to get behind the corner of another one. of the vehicles that was packed right. there just a shade of. cover so I dragg him in myself whatever. it was four five six. feet and uh shoot is still.

engaging I go. to grab my rifle Instinct and it's not. there one of my teammates who had alsan. hit went was down right next to me his. rifle was on the ground right next to me. so I grab his rifle I put that in. action um I take a couple horribly. placed shots at this. shooter and then one of my teammates uh.

came in and eliminated that. threat so the primary threat has been. eliminated but we're now receiving. rounds and Rockets from outside of our. compound so this was a coordinated. attack that was initiated by this. Insider attack. well I'm in no position to address the. the incoming rounds from outside of our. compound so I move into my next course.

action and I check this infantry soldier. that I'm still basically laying on top. of he's in. shock uh. pale but uh no holes in his body he's. breathing he's just uh. Frozen okay he's okay. so now let's see what is going on with. me so I roll over and I uh I rip what's. left of my pants leg my pant leg open.

and my right leg is just [ __ ] mangled. it's just like hammmer meat and tissue. and exposed. bone uh the docs estimated that it was. at least four rounds that hit my right. leg um I also took around to my lower. left leg which I didn't realize until um. weeks and weeks later the my right leg. was clearly the problem and I am pissing. blood out of my thigh and I looked at.

where I had been hit originally to where. I was at that point again four five six. feet and there's just a river flowing. from where I was to where I was. originally. struck so I know my femoral artery has. been SED and uh we had a ton of Medical. Training leading up to that deployment. and we got a lot of Medical Training. during that deployment right in real. time so I know that I have maybe eight.

nine minutes left before I'm completely. bled. out. okay tourniquet pull a tourniquet off my. kit I get that up on wrench that down as. tight as I can lock in the windless and. uh bleeding doesn't stop it's like. visibly still pouring out of my leg so I. grab a second tourniquet and I SLA that. on wrench that. down um it's Mass hysteria at this point.

right I senior medic had been clipped so. he was down our Junior medic was a. National Guard SF guy who was attached. to our team for that. deployment. um his first deployment fresh out of the. cucus. fortunately in kind of a sick way he got. a lot of on the job training up until. that point because guys were getting. banged up quite frequently Us in the P. for so he had a lot of Medical Training.

and experience just within the five. months of that time frame that we were. out there so now he's he's running the. show right he's trying to triage and. manage a. situation young kid fresh out of the cuc. course attached to an SF team that he. just met when he showed up in country. and he. performed spectacularly I mean truly. remarkable what this dude did his name's. Connor he's managing it but people are. screaming people are crying people are.

it's it's it's the ultimate Mass cow. scenario um to this day considered the. most catastrophic Insider attack uh. since the global war in terrorism began. wow right so 12 us casualties total um. including three killed and then another. dozen or so Afghans that were killed or. wounded so there are bodies everywhere. you know Mass Cal is dictated. by your ability to manage a situation.

medically based off of your personnel. and resources and we were wildly. inverted on what we were able to. actually manage just the number of. casualties on the. ground I have a second tourin on that I. applied and then at that point one of my. teammates got over to. me and he he. uh he looks at me and the look on his. face said everything that he's like. Nick's not gonna make.

it you could see that and. um I could see that in him and I was. like listen man go work on someone that. you can that you can save like I am in. the expecting category here in triage. don't waste your time precious seconds. and resources on me because I'm done. here I accepted that entirely I was. convinced of.

it he uh so I'm like trying to fight I'm. like trying to tell him to go away and. he's obviously ignoring me he applies a. third tourniquet and he gets IV. access uh for blood or meds or whatever. needs to come on. board. and then his work was pretty much done. he was kind of at the limit of what he. was able to do and then he moved on you. know we said a quick goodbye and then he. uh he moved on so I'm laying there.

and I can still feel myself. leaking I'm convinced I'm still bleeding. and uh I try to move my leg it's not. moving my femur was completely shattered. can't move my leg but I just reach. underneath it with my hands and I just. lift I just lift lift it up to try to. see if I can see any blood kind of come. out the bottom of it uh and this was. where the pain first really set in at. that point it really didn't I really. didn't feel much.

pain adrenaline was just pumping so high. that I didn't feel much when I lifted. that leg up then it was just this. searing holy [ __ ] moment where it was. like the inside of my body was trying to. explode out of my. eyeballs um. and I can sure enough I can still see. blood kind of trickling out of one of. the. wounds so I'm like okay man have I. time's getting like real short here have.

I done everything is there anything I. can do and I decided that there was so I. I loosened up one of the. tourniquets I grabbed some gauze out of. my kit and I bald it up into what we. call Power Ball um and I just Ram it. inside my thigh and I'm kind of reaching. upward almost towards my hip and I'm. trying to feel for the pulse of the. femoral. artery well a few minutes had gone by.

and your blood starts to shunt inward to. your body to protect your organs to keep. you alive as long as possible so I have. very little you know dexterity in my. hands but I think I feel something you. know I'm BR I'm brushing past broken. bone um the Pain's really kicking in I'm. starting to lose Consciousness the the. light the the lights are starting to go. out I'm on the I'm on the way to see the. wizard and uh I think I feel something. and I kind of just go all in and I just.

Ram down as H as I can and I just feed. the rest of the Gods in on top of that. and then rescure the tourniquet lock. that. in um and then I passed. out. for 15 20 seconds maybe a minute it. wasn't very long but before I came to. and then uh I'm like okay now my work. here really is done like I am out of. options so I uh just I just kind of. drugged myself over to where some of my.

teammates were that were dealing with. some injuries I got to my senior medic. who was not that far for me he had taken. a round through his calf tourniquet was. on ble bleeding had stopped he was just. in a lot of pain you know so I just was. uh talking to him. trying to comfort him knew my time was. was coming to a close and wanted my last. moments on Earth to just be alongside.

these guys like doing whatever I can to. kind of ease their. discomfort and that's a that's a trip. um like knowing you're going to die it's. a trip. and I was surprisingly content with it I. remember feeling an enormous level of. frustration that after all the. engagements and all the all the. gunfights and all the explosions and. [ __ ] that we had been through that I was. going to be killed as the result of.

someone that we had been working with. that was that really irritated me you. know like man really yeah. really so just kind of well that. sucks but. okay um and then my thoughts were with. my my parents my. sister uh you know visualizing what they. were going to have to go through.

military funeral with honest isington. right like the whole thing I I can see. it so some guilt for. that you know my my parents my father. told me no right you're not enlisting. because I don't want you to be killed. and. he would have he was going to be right. so I was I was I was really I was upset. about that um but then I moved to this. really relaxed state of content and and.

calmness and you know I got what I asked. for this is where I wanted to be I I I. worked really hard to be here and if I'm. going to die it's going to be alongside. you know my boys and I'm okay with. that it took hooked the Medevac bird uh. almost an hour and a half to be able to. land because it was an ongoing. engagement and they can't risk the bird. it was on station within minutes but it. couldn't land until we got the situation.

on the ground under control so our jtac. went to work um earned the Silver Star. that day for his actions he. obliterated this Valley obliterated they. sent every single Air. Platform that we had available and he. annihilated anything that was moving. within that area you were deemed a. threat uh it still took some time though. so medac bur comes down hour hour and a. half after the initial incident and I'm.

on the first I'm on the first lift me my. team. Sergeant who uh was hurt badly as well. and one other. dude at that point they had two options. one was to fly us to where that forward. surgical team was located the same place. that initially treated my shoulder they. could fly us there because it's closer. it's a sh of flight or they fly us. directly to baram which has a higher.

level of medical care because it's a. full-blown hospital but it's father away. so they decided to go with speed versus. level of care which isn't a wrong. decision to make it actually makes a lot. of sense like we need to get these guys. in front of a doctor. now send us to that location where the. FST is. located they uh rip us off throw us. right. into um into the surgery clinic I need a. blood transfusion bad the the fact that.

I was still alive 90 minutes later with. the severed femoral ottery without. direct intervention on that ottery in. itself uh is unusual to say the least I. need blood bad so they put me on a trans. fusion and start pumping me full of. blood and they they pumped me full quite. a bit I want to say it was like six or. seven units it was a lot. wow the problem was it was an.

incompatible blood. type holy. [ __ ]. so everything in my body begins to shut. down my lungs my liver my kidneys. they're all dying and the docks are. assuming it's because of the trauma that. I've experienced and the length of time. that I was on the on the battlefield. that is causing that but they they don't. they don't know for certain but they. know I need to get to Bam immediately so.

they put me back on a helicopter and. they fly me to. Bam which was maybe a six or seven. minute flight was relatively. quick and it's while I'm on the flight. to bogam that they realize what happened. with the blood and what it is was they. they mixed up my my name with my team. sant's name we have similar last names. they both begin with L and A they gave. me his blood type they gave him my blood. type well I'm O positive I'm a universal.

donor so I I can give blood to anybody. and it'll be okay he's like AB negative. or just something. crazy uh I think whatever it is it's. like the most incompatible blood type. that we have it's like the most specific. type. uh is what they gave me and they. realized it because they were looking at. his transfusion they were going oh we're. giving this guy O positive and then they. said oh [ __ ] what did we just give Nick.

oh we gave him AB negative so they call. BM hospital I'm. Airborne I've coded at this point they. call Bam hospital and they say we just. pump Nick full of like six units of the. wrong blood type it's incompatible. there's no way he survives the flight so. just be prepared to receive his body not. he's not going to make. it and they're like. okay uh so I show up I'm buy myself on. this flight I've. coed uh flight you know Med flight crew.

panels like the whole thing they're. getting real creative trying to keep me. clinging to the thread that I'm hanging. on. to uh pull me off rush me right into. surgery anyway I don't have a. hotbeat um panels they have pack my leg. off below the knee try to minimize how. much damage my body is attempting to. recover. from transfusion dialysis inated the.

works. and you know I was obviously able to. survive Jesus dude i' I've never [ __ ]. heard anything like that yeah man and. you know it took me a while Sean to be. able to comfortably talk. about the blood transfusion incident. what happened. because it's uh more than likely the the.

response to that is man how the [ __ ]. could you do that you know it's conf. it's met with confusion how could you. make such a mistake really you almost. killed this guy you really should have. killed this guy uh and I am. extraordinarily protective of our. medical community for the work they did. on me and my friends both in that moment. in that incident one's prior one's after. I'm very protective of that of that. community and I was um concerned about.

sharing that portion of the event to. because it would paint them in a. negative light the reality is man you. know we we live in the world of the. human Dynamic and. nobody um is is above making mistakes. and when adrenaline's pumping high and. stress is at the all-time high. regardless of what it is you're doing. and the in this particular incident. these guys are trying to save three.

people who are dying um mistakes happen. I've made countless of them uh so it. happens and I just. think being able to to share that there. there's value in that in the incident. because immediately following that. happening. they sent out a mass drro to the entire. medical community and the entire aola. saying this is what happened with this. dude and because of that they updated. their protocols when it comes to.

administering blood uh protocols that. still AR or exist. today. so we tend to learn solely through. failures period we learn through making. mistakes and feeling the pain and the. consequence es of those mistakes is how. we get better I was. fortunate that I was strong enough. physically and got real lucky that they. could make this mistake on me and I was.

able to survive it but if that hadn't. happened to me and it happened to. someone else who was unable to survive. that for whatever. reason uh that would be a tragedy but. because it happened to me and I'm here. to share it we've made made the. necessary. Corrections we've lowered the risk of. working with. blood um to mitigate that happening. again in the future so there is. positivity I'm I'm grateful that it.

happened to me because I was able to. come out the other end of. it but caus you know it certainly. complicated things yeah it took things. from a position where it was man you. were already clinging by a thread and. you're ire right leg is. mangled to now we have to treat this. your. entire biological system that is.

crashing holy. [ __ ] I I don't I don't even. know I'm speechless man. uh. wow yeah. let's take a break let's do it.

so how long were you at. BAM I was at. bom five six days and then where did you. go after that uh from there so I needed. to stay in B long enough for them to. stabilize me enough to survive a fixed. wi flight to Germany. okay so 5 days in BM in the Intensive. Care. Unit um and then on a flight to Germany. I was in launch stool for a day I.

believe just a day it was at launch. stool that they amputated my leg up to. the knee technically it's called a knee. disarticulation where they kind of just. take your knee apart they did that in. Germany I was there just a. night um one or two nights and then I. was at Walter Reed. how many surgeries. total man on my right leg alone. somewhere between 30 and. 35 but you know by the time I got to.

Walter Reed uh they were really battling. infection that was the concern when. you're laying exposed uh especially in a. country like. Afghanistan. bacteria fungus it's all growing inside. my body and I'll I'll never forget this. Crystal Clear even though I was on a. whole host of medication my surgeon. comes in the chief of Ortho at Walter. Reed and he's like hey man here's the. deal my staff wants to take you into the.

operating room down the hall right now. and they want to amputate your leg at. the hip to just get rid of the infection. and get you moving on with. life. um they're right in a lot of ways. because this infection could kill you at. any moment you're riddled with bacteria. and infection and it could kill you but. I think that I can save more of your leg. but it's going to be a street fight. slugfest that I need you in the fight.

with me if we're going to have a shot at. it and I'm all whacked out man on. ketamine and deloted and I'm like but. I'm looking up at this guy who I just. met who's telling me that his staff. wants to remove my leg at the hip and. I'm dealing with an infection that could. kill me but he wants to save more of my. leg what do you want to do and uh I was. like yeah man let's do that he's like. okay cool we're going to go in the. operating room and uh I'm going to see. what I can do so it was you know Monday.

Wednesday Friday was kind of my typical. schedule where it was in surgery they. would amputate just above the infection. cut out any of the muscle or tissue that. was deemed. unsavable and pump me full. antibiotics and then rinse and repeat. day after day after day for like six. weeks so hold on so that so you're. literally just watching your [ __ ].

leg disappear yeah bit by bit bit by bit. day at a day at a time yeah 3 4 days a. week you know go in Wake Up come out. there's just that much less there oh my. God you know and because my femur had. shattered the way that they were they. piece that back together they were using. what called an external fixator which is. literally this these metal components. that you can see sticking outside of. your body that are penetrated into your. body that are holding all of these.

pieces together so picture like an. erectus set that's attached to your. thigh in my. case every time I would go into surgery. that that piece of equipment would look. a little different because they were. they were shortening the limb so that. was kind of my first visual cue every. single day to just how much less leg I. had cuz I'd be all bandaged up you know. I really couldn't see my limb itself but. I could see that external fixator so. every time I would come out of surgery. you know anesthesia would wear off I.

kind of get my bearings I'd look at that. we call an xfix I look at that XIX to. see just how much it had changed um you. know in the course of the last four. hours that I was in. surgery holy [ __ ]. when you got. shot in the in your leg for this. incident did. you was there any feeling in the leg at.

all like could you feel your leg at all. or do you remember only thing I remember. is when I I started moving it around and. I. started I started applying that that. pressure. dressing was when I would feel the pain. and it was excruciating other than that. it was kind of just like a dead part of. my body that was just attached to me by. skin and some. tissue do do you uh did you feel any. phantom.

pain not at the initial point but I felt. that very quickly once I. started weaning off the massive dose of. ketamine that I was on when they started. weaning me off of that was when the. Phantom limp pain kicked in and that is. a son of a [ __ ] what what is what is it. can you describe it I can man it's it's. it's a crazy concept you know from like. a biological perspective your nerves and.

are connected to your brain and it. really works as a two-way street all the. time your brain is sending messages down. through the nerves to different parts of. your body and they're expecting a return. signal well when that all of a sudden. stops the response to that is Phantom. limb pain it it the response is pain and. discomfort because it's not receiving. that return message because the limb. doesn't exist anymore right the nerves. are. gone um it's something I still. experience you know to this day in the.

in the early stages of it it felt like. my my foot my non-existent foot was. being crushed by a vice holy [ __ ] like a. crushing s yeah it's a crushing. sensation and it makes it even more. difficult when you can't see it or touch. it you know you smash your hand with a. hammer your immediate response is to. grab the hand that hurts right you're. like oh you know and you kind of rub it. out whatever put some ice on it well. when you've got excruciating pain in an.

appendage that doesn't exist anymore you. just have to bear down and just deal. with it you know and there's medication. that that I was on that would help kind. of calm that a little bit there's other. therapies that you can try uh which I. did none of them really worked all that. much but Phantom Lim pain is a sneaky. son of a [ __ ] that you don't think. about when you think about losing a limb. uh that sneaks up on you pretty quick. and it uh it's tough to deal with man. today the way what I feel most of the.

time it's kind of like a pin and needle. kind of feeling like if your hand went. numb or if your foot went numb for. sitting awkwardly for a bit of time kind. of has that tingle sensation like this. ginger ale in your foot kind of fizzy. that's what it feels like most of the. time uh it spikes for me however. at night when my because this is neur. It's a. neurological it's a neurological issue. it's all in your. brain uh at night time when my brain is. trying to turn off is when it'll go up.

because while I'm up and moving and. doing stuff neurologically I'm focused. on whatever it is I'm doing at that time. so it's really not focused on the lack. of return message coming from a. non-existent extremity when I trying to. sleep is when it'll uh it'll Spike. damn. what man I got a lot of questions I hope.

nothing's off the table send it but I. made it good what is I mean what's going. through your what's going through your. head you know with as you're watching. your leg disappear bit by bit day by. day I mean what what is going through. your head. as far as you know what the rest of your. life looks. like are you going back I mean I'm. assuming you you were not thinking you. were going to continue to be a Green.

Beret I actually was no [ __ ] yeah man I. was I I I fixated myself to that end. State even in these early these early. days and you know there's a lot there. man one is I absolutely love what I do. uh two is I feel like I was put on this. Earth to do it but more acutely I was. kind of conditioned man to getting. wounded and then recovering really.

really fast and then going back to. conducting operations like I've been. wounded twice before obviously not. nearly to the degree of severity of this. but in my mind it was yeah man you've. you've been hurt before and you got past. it so this is just another one of those. hurdles that you need to get past it's. going to be a little bit more comple. complicated and complex but no you're. going back man so that was that was what. I focused on you are one stubborn son of.

a [ __ ] completely oh my God yeah. completely man and that's like a big. part of like my success and then you. know kind of transitioning away from. that like degree of self of selfishness. terms of why I wanted to go back but in. those early stages those early days and. weeks and months uh was a lot about me. um going back to doing what I want to do. because it's what I want to do so. stubbornness. competitiveness kind of drove me from. the very early moments did you ever.

feel self-pity or did you fall into that. at all I really didn't and you know it's. not something that I'm really that proud. of and I say that just because it's. nothing to be ashamed of if if that. happens. um and of Walter Reid man it's I call it. the greatest place you ever want to go. to it's an amazing facility every single. Medical Professional you can imagine was. there and in kind of their hole of. Wellness approach to recovery you meet.

with uh with pyes behavioral psyches. just po of your regiment you know. obviously once I was out of the ICU and. I was a bit more stable these guys would. come in and sit down and how you doing. you know they're evaluating your. psychological well-being and I was tell. these guys from the very first time I. met with them you know I'm fine and I. just need to get whatever new leg you're. going to give me and then uh and then. I'm going to go back to my job and at. one point he had a conversation with my.

father who was there who met me when I. got to Walter re he was there already. and he stayed with me for the first six. months that I was there he grabbed my. father at one point I was in surgery or. I was in physical therapy or something. and he said hey. Dad um you know your Nick's like primary. support mechanism here and I just want. you to be aware that he fully believes. that he's going back to his team and. going like right back to normal for him. I don't think he's quite grasped the.

severity of his injury yet I think he's. in a state of denial or he just can't. process it he doesn't know how bad it is. like they're still cutting pieces of his. leg off of his body and he's talking to. me about going back to Afghanistan to. conduct combat operations like this. doesn't make any sense and I just want. you as his father and as his primary. support means that's here to be ready. for when that light bulb goes off. because it could very easily trigger him. going down a really dark Road into.

depression or whatever that may look. like and I want you to be prepared for. that and my father is. like hey Doc I hear what you're saying. um thank you for that but I think he. does know what's going on. uh this is just kind of part of who he. is he's a stubborn dude who wants to win. but really really hates to lose uh so.

I'll certainly keep an eye on it but um. I do think he knows what's going on this. is just where his mind is right now did. your dad have any idea that you you had. 11 size wound in your back and you got. shot in the face oh yeah he knew that. prior to being there yeah he knew about. both of those within a day or two after. they happened I call home tell him what. was going on damn and a lot of ways. those kind of set them up for failure. when you know when they got this phone.

call because you know part of the that. kind of NEX ofkin notification protocol. is they'll get a phone call typically. from someone other than than the injured. person from someone in the chain of. command that's like hey you know your. son's been injured this is the status. he'll he'll contact you as soon as he. can the next 24 hours or whatever so he. had received a phone call like that. twice prior you know he Nick Nick got. hit with some trapnel Nick got shot in. the face I know it sounds bad but he's. actually fine he'll call you.

tonight um they get that third phone. call and he'll tell you in a lot of ways. he was expecting it to be very similar. where it was Nick got banged up again. but he's going to call you tonight and. which of course was not the not how that. played out you know it was like got Nick. Nick's like. really uh hurt right now and he might. not make it if he does he's going to be. at Walter Reed you know the day after. tomorrow so we need to get you.

there damn how long were you at Walter. read what's what what what is I mean. what is. the when was the last. cut I got there match I want to say I. was done with my surgery. in. June time frame. is I needed a couple revisions after the. fact which is really frustrating and you. know when you get you take that step.

backwards you know what I mean by that. is surgeries end swelling goes down they. begin the process of fitting me for a. prosthetic I start to make progress. working with my leg and then hey man we. got to go back in and open you back up. again and correct this issue and it just. like reset sets the entire clock that. happened with me a couple times um but. I'd say around July August time. frame was when I was done with.

surgeries and I was full on in physical. recovery mode working with the pts and. the and the strength coaches at Walter. Reed total how how long were you about a. year a took a year yeah I was there a. year just just over a year um and it's. kind of a phase model at least it was. for me it was you know Intensive Care. Unit where they were trying to make sure. I would stay alive impatient status.

where I lived in a hospital bed and I. was where I was continuously going. through surgery surgery surgery and then. you move into outpatient status where. you live on Walt the Walter re compound. and essentially like this little. apartment and then your job is to just. go to all your medical appointments. every single day so you're kind of. gradually moving away from that that. hospital environment and learning how to. live on your own and kind of start to. develop your routines and your habits. and kind of restructure a normal. day-to-day life for you all that happens.

at the. hospital um but all in all it was just. over a year before I returned back to to. Fort. BR damn what. um when you got back to for I mean how. what did you know you were going to be. back in in the team no no no when you. got there when you got back there no not. not at all man I mean that was my.

intentions from like the very beginning. but I had a clue what my future held if. it was if the if I could even stay in. the Army can I stay in the Army can I. stay in SF administratively is this even. allowed am I going to be forced to to be. a com ion I had no idea um what was in. front of me but when I got back to. Walter Reed I sat down with the third. group command team group level um all. the way down Battalion company and you.

know they say hey welcome back good to. see you you know you look good that kind. of stuff and they said hey man like what. are you what are you trying to get into. here and I told them right there and. then in that conversation I said I'm. going back to the. team and I think that they probably. struggled to hold back the crazy looks. that they probably wanted to give me. like cuz it's still really early on man. I think I just no I mean I wasn't I. didn't need a cane to walk around all. the time but I was still like early on.

you know clumsy walking like limping. like I was not this like walking in. physical specimen like ready to go back. to work I was still I still had a long. way to go and I'm telling these guys the. group Commando I'm going back to an Oda. and they were like okay okay um well. when do you think that you want to try. to do something like that and I said not. anytime soon you know so I need a job. here in the. meantime and uh I know that a med board.

is going to be triggered because of the. level of injury so I'm going to have to. manage that administratively but I'm. just letting you know like what I'm. trying to do and they said okay and then. they asked me hey where do you want to. work I said I'd like to go over and be. an instructor on the combatives. committee within our Advanced skills. company. you know I've been in Combat Sports most. of my life boxing wrestling Jiu-Jitsu so. I was big into Jiu-Jitsu at that point. in time so it was a great fit and uh. they they they allowed me to do that so. I began working as an.

instructor teaching combatives and. CQB stuff and initiated my my my Med. board was initiated which was about an. eight-month. process uh an administrative slugfest. with the Amy who had every intention of. forcing me to medically retire and I had. to dig my heels in uh several times and. I you know refused to work with some. people who just were convinced that that. was my future I needed to make some. phone calls and get some paperwork and.

get some memos from some people that had. some rank that would vouch for me so at. the end of that Med board I was found. unfit for Duty as per the department of. the army standards as it's associated. with my MOS as an 18 Bravo like these. are the list of things that you need to. be able to do to be found fit for Duty. and I couldn't do all those you know 12. M Ruck in x amount of time 2 m run like. the physical things I hadn't even come. close to trying those things yet but I.

was confident that I could do it so I. was found unfit for duty but I learned. that there was another alternative. option if that ends up being the case. which is referred to as the continuation. on active duty request called coad which. basically uh takes the onus and the risk. off of the Department of the army and it. places it on the unit so the department. of army can say Nick is unfit for Duty. and the group commander and I think he. needs that needs to be endorsed by the.

first goo in the chain of command can. say yes we recognize that however we. still want to retain him that's. ultimately what ended up happening with. me it took him eight months to determine. that I was unfit and it took five days. for my unit to say that they wanted to. keep me anyway. so now that that was all done but an. 8-month process all of which time I'm. working as an. instructor and I am out of my. mind obsessed with getting.

back everything had been removed from. the equation. um I knew that if I was going to have a. legitimate shot at being successful at. this I would have to train at the. highest level of my life I would have to. cut out every single thing and every. single person that didn't need to be. there to have a shot that's just what I. truly believed yep and um and that's.

what I did and my my regiment for that. eight-month period and really some time. beyond that was uh was meticulous and. just completely dialed in my with my. nutrition and my sleep and my training. um my studies my reading was all all. centered around getting back to the team. everything. and you know I said that you know my my. now wife was in Afghanistan when when.

all this happened when I left the. hospital I moved in with her and uh we. weren't married so we were kind of in. the early stages of of our. relationship and I remember sitting her. down I'd only been home for a couple. weeks I'm in her house and living in her. house I sit down with her and I say hey. babe like this is what I'm gonna be. doing and uh I need you to like. understand that and what that means for. us is I I will not be traveling for.

weddings or birthday parties uh there's. no dinners going out we're not going to. the movies like I'm cut I'm punting. everything everything it's train eat. sleep repeat that's it period I don't. know how long it's going to take. like this is what my future looks like. and uh there is no plan B and I just. want to be very transparent and honest. with you because if that's something. that sounds crazy to you which I would. understand but something that you don't. want to be a part of then I understand.

that and I'll find a new place to live. and we can just kind of go our separate. ways and. uh it's like emotional to talk about. that because you know you fast forward. from that point um. now like almost 10. years and we have just in a beautiful. family and we've got you know two young. boys like we have a 5-year-old and our. 14-month-old and I live a very fortunate.

loved and loving life and all that could. have could have just ceased to existed. if uh she had decided which would have. been understandable that hey man what. this dude is talking about is is crazy. and I I I don't think I want to be a. part of that. so very fortunate that she had the. strength to be alongside me and remain. supportive during that um during that.

Journey uh cuz that's that's what my. life looked like man so you know after. eight months of living just the ultimate. you know spotting minimalist eat sleep. trained. lifestyle uh at times Reckless you know. re Reckless went past that point um into. the realm of. recklessness I uh I decided I was I was. ready to give it a shot to get back to. the team you know I vocalized that with. my chain of command I said hey I think. uh I think I'm ready to do this what.

what does this look like what like what. do I need to do and you know there had. been some guys before me that were. wounded third group again we third group. owned Afghanistan so there were a lot of. dudes that were wounded uh several. amputees that stayed in service stayed. in the unit that uh had sensitized you. know the chain of command and decision. makers to what amputees can do before I. ever became. one which was I think I think it's.

important to recognize that because when. I brought it up I wasn't the first. amputee that said I want to go back to. combat yeah right none of the ones prior. had been successful at making it all the. way that point but they had certainly. trailblazed some of that path for me so. when I bring this up and said hey man I. want I want to go back what do I got to. do there really wasn't this like. structured pipeline for me to go through. step by step by step you know my chain. of command just kind of began throwing. different tasks and tests and.

assessments at me and it started off. relatively basic it was like okay go do. an army physical fitness test you know. just a standardized fitness test let's. see how you do you know and I knocked. that out and it's like okay well let's. go have you go do a 12 mile rck so I've. just you know your basic Army. standardized physical assessments is. really where it began and as I'm as I'm. doing these things you could. feel like the nervousness within the.

unit you could feel the tension like. these decision makers are like he's. still he's still going okay well like. let's make him do that now um it got to. the point where they had me go in for. another psyche vow because I think. people genuinely thought I was crazy. people genuinely thought that I had like. a clinical like. diagnosable delusional problem and. they're like let's get this guy's mental. well-being checked out real quick which.

they did and the pches came back and. they're like yeah he's you know he's no. more crazy than he already was or the. rest of these guys so he's good as far. as I'm concerned you know and then they. you know they gave me a proficiency. evaluation to test my abilities to. function as an 18. Bravo um. so my my schedule at that point looked. like one or two assessments a week for. about 12 weeks wow so uh yeah about 12. weeks about three months worth of time.

and it was just boom boom boom boom um. did you have any other amputees that. like as a mentor or or motivation or hey. you know absolutely going to be done. yeah several you know and I met a bunch. of them at Walter Reed there were a few. that that were in third group that uh I. was able to leverage and you know learn. from and that information is great and. helpful but you really have to you have.

to walk the journey yourself man you. know so I was uh I had an an enormous. amount of support around me but I could. also feel the hesitation and the concern. both with my leadership and those that. that love me and care for me they're. like. are you really going to go back to doing. this you know like we didn't think this. was even remotely possible we wanted to. support you to be a positive support. mechanism for you and your goals but. you're actually making kind of some.

legitimate progress towards the like. this thing may actually become. real this thing may actually become real. that no one really thought could. happen and one event after another that. just starts to get more and more. Amplified until you know I hit that last. physical assessment which third group. had created because they had so many. wounded guys they created a separate. physical assessment specifically for. wounded guys that wanted to try to go. back to operational status they built.

this themselves and it wasn't your so. much your standardized PT test pull-ups. running sit-ups it was like tactical. type movements to try to replicate those. types of physical requirements within a. combat scenario and it was brutal and it. was absolutely br brutal. assessment and. our group. CSM he took it himself uh the day before. I did with uh just as a battle buddy. with one of my with one of my other.

buddies who he took a round through his. hand he was trying to go back to the. team the group CSM took the test with. him just alongside him just to be kind. of a support form and I walk in the gym. after they had finished and they're both. laid out on the turf. um exhausted our group CSM um he just. recently retired he was the most recent. um us sock CSM name is Mack he's a stud. PT stud abl body dude he's laid out on.

the turf smoked after this test and I. walk in just to loosen up you know I'm. taking the test the next morning and he. sees me and he's like hey Nick how you. feeling good he's like you doing this. thing tomorrow I said yeah he's like I. just took it and it just kicked my ass I. said yeah it's tough I've been training. for this thing specifically now for like. 4 weeks it's brutal I had never taken. the entire assessment to standard once. before that point because I knew it was. going to destroy me I just when I was. training I would break it down into. little chunks and I would do like event.

one two and three back to back to back. like in repetition and then event four. five and six you know that's how I did. it so I didn't know how I would do on it. but this was like my Super Bowl after 12. weeks of all these other stuff I I had. to do this was it and he's like okay. okay well I'm going to be here tomorrow. man so you know good luck I said thanks. showed up the next day and there's like. 50 people at this thing you know my. entire chain of command is our group. command is there everyone's there my. teammates are there Bunch all my.

combatives colleagues are there a big. crowd and uh you know boom boom boom. boom boom I I go through the whole thing. and I get done and I have no peripheral. vision I'm on the verge of passing out. trying to look tough standing there. right like I could do it again if I. needed. to. uh M could comes over CSM comes over and. he says hey man you know I just took. this yesterday myself I said yeah he's.

like if I wasn't here personally to. witness you do what you just did there's. no way I would have believed that that. was. possible and I said well thank you but. uh like what else do you guys need from. me man like really like can I go back to. my team now and uh he looks so which got. kind of a chuckle out of my teammates. who were like he really just said that. to the group. CSM you know he looks over at the group. Commander um who's kind of smirking and. he's like hey CSM this is a Manning.

decision this is your decision but I. don't know how after what we just put. this dude through I don't know how. you're going to tell him no um but it's. your call and I CS time looked at me and. said all right man I'll have your orders. done uh tomorrow and the following week. I was I was back on the same the same. Oda and they were way late in their. train up they had already done all their. Collective stuff they had already done. their p&t uh cuz they were pushing out. the door we were pushing out the door.

just like five weeks later so they were. just getting ready to go on block leave. and then head over so about a month. after that I was back no in. Afghanistan you you went back to. Afghanistan right back to Afghanistan. this was now in 2015 so from flash to. bang was right around 2 years from point. of injury to uh to my return to I back. to. Afghanistan holy [ __ ] let's let's take a. break when we pick up we'll pick up.

right there. all right Nick so we're back from the. break we left off you just basically.

been through all the re Rehabilitation. and you got the ominous Dominus you're. back on the Oda back on the team yeah. man and you're going to Afghanistan mhm. but we had a conversation. offline uh that I found very interesting. about you know what did the team want. and I I would like to dive into that. before we go on deployment yeah man it. was it was an interesting ride because. when I was at Walter Reed and you know I.

got this Vision in my head of getting. back to the team and and going back to. doing doing the job it was about me. wanting to do what I want to do me. getting back to the lifestyle in which I. love uh getting back into the fight. proving myself right proving the. naysayers is wrong you know making the. enemy regret not killing me it was. that's where I was at that was my headp. space uh so it was very selfish you know. stubborn competitive.

selfish uh which I am I'm grateful for. because you know it got me through a lot. of really difficult challenges in those. early phases in the hospital and then. even once I got back to brag and I'm. working as an instructor and I'm. training like a maniac I was still about. me doing what I knew I needed to. do and once I started going through that. 12 week process of evaluations and tests.

and. assessments I completed a handful of. them I don't know three four five and uh. I'm doing well confidence is high I'm. feeling. good I wake up in the middle of the. night 3:00 a.m. whatever sweating hot. beating and it had hit me in that moment. that I was trying to go back to a team. to a team trying to go back to a team a. team that has 11 other guys on it most.

of which have wives. kids and I didn't take them into. consideration at a single point up until. that moment and it scared the [ __ ] out. of. me um all of a sudden the aperture kind. of opened up and and I said to myself. man as badly as I want this and as H as. I've been working for this and all the. sacrifices that I've been making to get. to where I am now is this in the best. interest of the team didn't sleep the. rest of the night you know wake up the.

next day going to. work and uh meet up with a couple of the. guys in person make some phone calls to. the other guys that weren't around the. senior guys on the team these are the. guys that were on the team while I was. on it before I had been wounded they're. still on the same. team so I I talked to them and uh and. I'm like guys you. know is this am I was what I'm doing the. right thing to be doing I I know I can't. see.

it I'm obsessed with this but I got. these blinders on which all I can see. and hear and feel is what's in front of. me because I know what is happening on. the back side of that I need your guys'. input um and I I apologize for having. not even considered you guys up until. this point I've been that driven towards. this thing is this in the best interest. of you guys because I cannot come back. to this line of work and be a liability. on a team and when you're talking about. an element that's comprised of 12 dudes.

every single dude carries a lot of. weight like figuratively and literally. and you are putting your life into that. person's hand that's a very real thing I. can't be a liability as bad as I want. this um if you tell me right now that. the risk is just too high I will Index. this thing right now and I will find. another lifestyle to live because I. won't be able to sleep at night know I'm. knowing I'm putting you and your. family's well-being in. Jeopardy and this was like three or four.

different conversations all the same day. and the response I got from these dudes. was basically the the same and it was. honestly dude we don't know like we. don't know what this what this would. look like if you actually make it back. care to the team we don't know we've. talked about it um but we don't know but. what we've all decided as a single unit. is that we want you to keep going to see. if you can't make it back and if you do. we'll take a h look at it at that point.

so just keep just just keep going man. and uh you know that was relieving right. but it still wasn't quite enough for me. I was still I still had like some. massive. concerns and at this time again I'm. working as an instructor on the combat. committee. well we worked very closely with the. spaic committee which stands for Special. Forces Advanced Urban combat which is a. course that's taught within all the. active groups that's what it sounds like. it's Advanced Urban combat it's like a. five six we course that teams would just.

cycle through during their training. cycles and the NCO I see the the head. NCO that ran that course at that time. his name is Jimmy he was set to leave. his tenure as the lead instructor for. that course and go back for a second run. as a team Sant which isn't common at all. most team Sant get one run at that and. then now they're being you know groomed. for sergeant major and Senior enlisted.

positions Jimmy got the opportunity to. go back for a second run as a team Sant. and he was taking my old Oda as the team. Sant I did not know that um up until. that point about a week or so prior I. was made aware that he was about to go. back. and take my team and he and I have been. working together for months as I was. working as an instructor he's working as. the spaic um committee n coic and we're. doing training together so I go into. work and uh I'm in my office and we're.

getting ready to to to start working. start training in the fight house and uh. Jimmy happens to walk by and he looks in. and I'm kind of sitting at this desk and. I he can tell I'm like disheveled and he. like Pops in hey man and he's like. looking at me he's like are you you know. are you good like what's up something's. up what's what's going on closes the. door sits down he's like what's up I. said hey man I just talked to you know. Nate and Adam and Brandon and these. other guys and uh you know I didn't.

sleep last night because I'm I have some. concerns about getting back to the team. and what that's going to do to the for. the well-being of the team itself and. the guys on it um I know you're going. back to take the team so this is. probably the best time to have this. conversation what are your thoughts man. uh I know as a team Sergeant as a senior. enlisted leader on the team your. responsibility is to the team as a whole. above all else you have to make the. decisions in the best interest of that. Oda uh what are you thinking man like he.

knew what I was he knew what I was doing. not at no point did he come to me and. and bring it up he was just another. supportive dude that I was working. with and he said you know man I you know. I I found out I was going to go take. that team take your team just like a few. weeks ago it became official and I'll be. over there in the next month or so. whatever it was and so I've given it a. lot of thought and I've seen the way. that you've been working here as an. instructor and I've seen the way that. you've been training the last eight nine. months and I've been seeing you knocking.

out all these different assessments one. after another so I have thought about. this already and he and I had you know. an emotional conversation but the at the. end of that or really the point from him. was the same as the other guys it. was I have an obligation to the team I. don't know if it's in the best interest. of them and the team itself for you to. be a part of that but uh I genuinely.

want you to keep driving forward and. like let's figure it out together and if. in fact you do get back. and it's not within the best interest of. the team I will be the first to tell you. and uh and we'll cross that bridge if we. need to you know so I was obviously very. grateful for that um but what happened. at that time man was my my entire. mentality switched where I was I was. motivated by me obtaining my own desires.

and wants and in that moment it was. about what's in the best interest of. those guys yeah and their families and. you know I'll stand by this when. regardless of what it is you're trying. to do if you're trying to do it for the. greater good of someone that you love. chances are you're going to be a lot. better at it you're going to take it up. a notch and I came out of that meeting. with him like I had a rocket on my ass I. mean just completely and totally. reinvigorated you know went to Jiu-Jitsu.

practice that night and was just like. balling people up because I was so. excited and eager uh not only that I you. know I had the support which I knew of. but my entire mentality had just had. just completely rotated and I was ready. to take things up to a whole another. level and and I was already operating at. a very high capacity right um but that. did bump things up another notch as. opposed to going into the waight room or. onto the track thinking about taking. those first steps off the plane back in.

Afghanistan to beat my chest you know. and be like I made it back you know I. did it as like as glorifying as that. would feel as satisfying as that would. feel rather than envisioning that I was. envisioning you know my teammates. four-year-old son and I need to crush. this workout right now for him for that. kid and I just felt like a whole another. surge of energy that was like coursing. through my body um that did take things. up to another wow another level.

yeah damn so when did when did you get. the. verdict from the. team. so while and Walter Reed I recognized. very quickly it was difficult but I did. see it that no matter how hot I trained. physically I would not be as physically. imposing as I was with two legs that was. difficult pill to swallow right like. grew up an athlete was an athlete in. college into boxing MMA Jiu-Jitsu like.

high octane physical lifestyle is what I. thrived off of it's what I enjoyed doing. it's what my team asked me to do when I. was on the team as a two-legged dude. everybody won well it took a minute for. me to recognize that I was not going to. be as physically dominant as I was okay. how do. I bridge the gap that I'm going to lose. physically to M to maintain my status as.

an asset how do I do that and I began. looking at kind of the softest side of. our business right there's the door. kicking and the sprinting and like the. high octane aggressive physical stuff. that we do but especially in SF there is. a whole range of other activities and. skill sets that make us Thrive and make. us successful so I began looking at ways. to invest my time and energy into those. skill sets and begin building those.

skill sets which began at the hospital. right where normally if I was reading. something it would be like Kinesiology. or exercise physiology or nutrition. right like that's what the type of. information I would consume because I. loved it and it worked for me to helped. me with what I was doing in the Physical. Realm that shifted to me reading about. cultural Dynamics um. geopolitics uh increasing my foreign. language capabilities like this is what. I was doing now when I was studying and.

reading and. researching to build up myself as an. asset within these other sections of. being you know Green Beret I I rode that. train aggressively starting in the. hospital and then all the way through. once I got back to brag and I was. working as an instructor got myself into. a bunch of uh schools military schools. that are normally reserved for like. senior leaders um I was going as an E6. you know I needed I needed waivers to go. as a staff sergeant to get into these.

things we're talking about operational. Art and Design campaign planning. targeting methodology like nerd stuff. right like nerd. [ __ ] um because I was convinced that I. needed to make up that that ground that. I was going to lose. physically um to remain as an asset and. what's important to know is that I. disliked all of that stuff I really. didn't enjoy it it was painful really. really painful uh so I had to just rely.

on you know the faith that I had that it. would be worth it in the long run and. then just the discipline to execute even. though I really didn't feel like it at. any. point I continued to do that throughout. that entire time um and got cral with. some other special skills that I. otherwise never would have. pursued so once I did get back to the. team right now we're back in Afghanistan. 2015 two years or so from when I was. wounded get off that bird I did have. that you know that glorifying moment.

that I had envisioned for months and. months prior you know kind of that. onback feeling which was great uh. extremely shortlived because it was time. to go to work and it was August uh so. the temperature is is crazy I talked. earlier about kind of that clock that. ticks with the prosthetic especially in. high temperatures so I'm dealing with. you know 90s and the hundreds so even. just from an amput perspective I had a. lot to learn and a lot to figure out um.

and then I also recognized a lot of gaps. that I had in my tactical game you know. as although I had been training prior to. on tactical specific tasks shoot move. communicate type stuff uh it wasn't the. bulk of what I was doing most of my. training was done within you know the. weight room or on the track or in the. pool type. environments once I'm in Afghanistan and. we're getting set up I was like okay. there's a lot of gaps that I have I have.

a lot of work I need to do you know. mundane stuff like getting in and out of. a of an up armor truck like I just never. even thought that I need to train on. something like that something you take. for granted with someone with four. appendages now all of a sudden becomes. kind of difficult you know so just over. the course of the deployment um you know. even just in the early month or two when. we're there and it was a kinetic Mission. it was a CT Mission we were moving. around quite a bit um running Commandos. um doing you know doing that stuff for.

me my employment was kind of a crawl. walk run where my team Sergeant you know. would take a real hard look at you know. the objective and the logistics and the. threats and just gradually started to. include me and more and more and more. more things on the ground as we. progressed and as I made up the. difference in those gaps that I was. doing just off to the side you know. during our downtime I I mentioned going. and out of a truck there were times that. literally just trained on getting in and.

out of a vehicle a hundred times it's. over and over and over and over again I. had my teammates out there competing for. Speed uh they had me on a stopwatch. they're filming me and this is me. getting in and out of a truck just. countless times where I'm trying to put. my hand here if I put my foot here if I. put this hand here I can shave off a. second I can make it more efficient and. then just repetition repetition. repetition so that was my life for that. entire six-month trip but um to your.

point and to your question after the. first maybe 60 or so days that we were. there and again I'm kind of gradually. easing into more and more of our kinetic. Ops during that time I was able to. employ a lot of those skill that I had. forced myself to. learn um during that train up process. for me and those were skill sets that. didn't exist on the team right so unless. they had gotten someone else in that had. done those things they would have they. would have had a gap they would have had.

a void one that I was able to fill in. real time and uh and then that was. recognized by by the guys. so we kind of had we had several kind of. asouth checks along that time frame but. at at about a halfway Point through the. trip you know 2 3 months in we had kind. of a full-blown like team meeting sit. down about this specifically said okay. it's been about 90 days we're here this. is how I've been employed these are the. things that I've done these are the. issues that I know that I still have. like what what are you guys seeing from.

your. perspective and um the response to that. was hey man we're not only are we glad. you you're here because you know we love. you but that really doesn't matter uh. because we're because what you're. actually doing is is making an impact. within our mission like you are value. added and if you weren't here to do the. things that you're doing uh we would be. worse off so um we're good and buying.

something crazy. happening let's just keep driving on and. I give my Oda leadership at that time. man a ton of credit because what I would. what I was doing was unprecedented it. hadn't happened before like there hadn't. been an SF guy as an above the nut go. back to a team and go back to combat so. there was visibility on us all the way. up through the Beltway like senior. senior leaders were made aware that this. was happening um and no Oda or no soft.

element wants a lot of people looking at. them they want to be left alone to. conduct their operations right um I give. my leadership on the team a lot of. credit because they absorbed that the. the incessant phone calls coming down. from their boss's boss's boss because. their boss keeps asking hey what's up. with this one-legged guy that's in. Afghanistan like how are things going. you know some a simple question like. that that's coming from a thre star will. get people spun up pretty fast um so. they dealt with that uh the entire time.

I was there almost to the point where if. one thing happened man you know if one. thing happened even something small I. think they were just ready to to yank me. off that team yank me out of that. mission hey man we tried it you know you. gave it a shot. congratulations for making it that far. but we we this beta test is done and. like we're going to remove you I think. that that's really where it was for the. duration of the time we were in country. but. fortunately um nothing to that scale.

nothing nothing happened that would. warrant such a response um so overall. man it was uh it was it was successful. yeah sound sounds it sounds like it. how many more deployments did you do as. an ampute between then and now um. another four four deployments yeah all. combat. deployments.

yes what was. it let's just say the first engagement. that you got in after as a one-legged. guy yeah as a one-legged guy yeah man um. trying to think of the first. one any different yeah different um I. mean were you 100% focused on what you. needed to be focused on or was the fact. that you have one leg now constantly in. the back of your head yeah there was. definitely um some hesitation and.

some lack of focus to where it normally. would have been at 100% um because I'm. concerned about tripping and falling and. stumbling down and you know I was still. really early on in this ampute game man. I'm like two years out and you spent. time at Walter Reed with some of these. more experienced amputees that are. coming back through to get new legs and. new whatever guys that have been apts. for a decade one of the questions I. would ask them would be hey how long.

does it take for this for this just to. become normal for you this just to. become the way things are and it. everything is just in sync and the. answers would vary but it would usually. hone in around 7 8 9 10 years is kind of. what it would take to for this to be. just normal I'm you know I'm just over. two years out and I'm running through. you know the mountains of. Afghanistan um on my prosthetic. so nerve-wracking in a lot of ways it. was almost like the first time I was in. an engagement because it was just so.

different and that same level of. uncertainty like where do I go what do I. do as a brand new guy that's like. looking at the seniors for guidance. they're like am I doing the right thing. I kind of felt something similar to that. um you felt like you were being judged. no not that I was being judged just that. it was it was it was a I was in a new. body yeah doing the same thing but in a. new body it just felt. different um and I and and I.

was I was thinking about things in those. moments that I otherwise never would. have thought of I got my feet in the. right. placement um as I'm moving towards a. piece of cover as I'm approaching it. analyzing the terrain to determine the. fastest way to get behind that piece of. cover as I am now versus if I was on two. legs that's something that would not. even be my mind I'm just moving and I'm. going to get down and it's going to take. care of itself here I have to actually.

think about how to go about doing that. as efficiently as. possible um so it was a learning curve. for sure yeah just like really anything. else um have you 100% overcome. that being in your. head I don't think about it as much okay. no I don't think about it as much you. know random obstacles will trip me up. literally and figuratively at times.

still you know I've been in amput now. just over nine years so I still have. plenty to learn and I still trip and. fall at times um but I don't I don't. expend as much deliberate think thinking. into my physical movements as I did you. know when I was 2 years out yeah trying. to trying to learn combat as a. one-legged. guy damn. man what what was your what was your. team's response after the first first.

engagement it wasn't that much different. than normal really there wasn't like a. lot of focus on me and being like. let's sell's let's spray beers on each. other because you know Nick just did his. first got through his first gunfight as. an nut there really wasn't much focus on. me um we had some Junior guys on the. team for that trip their first team. fresh out of the Q course so as a as a.

senior. dude uh most of it was kind of focused. on them and like letting them ride that. high and kind of focusing on the lessons. that need to be learned for their sake. more so than hey we got into a tick and. Nick's here and like nothing bad. happened so like let's celebrate so it. was kind of it was kind of marginalized. really were you. expecting any of that no I really wasn't.

in fact if there was I probably would. have been annoyed yeah you know like get. like stop like get away from me you. know it's whatever you know what I mean. yeah it probably would it probably would. have irritated me but it really wasn't. anything to that anything like that. there's a funny story to fast forward to. my following deployment quickly we were. out in Somalia um and uh connectic CT. type. hop we uh we ended up taking a village.

and we were going to run we're going to. rest overnight at this spot and we're. getting set up vehicle set up I'm in a. I'm in an up armored High luux I'm up. armor pickup truck with. um one of the dudes that we were working. with who was in a separate unit it's. just he and I he wasn't one of my. teammates we had been working together. for the trip but we didn't know each. other really that well and I'm like hey. man I got to take a [ __ ] and he's like. okay cool like why are you telling me. this you know things are chill like we. just cleared the village we got a couple.

dtes that are getting dealt with pner. force is managing that pner force is. setting up a perimeter for us um we're. kind of managing cats right doing what. we do and I tell this dude I got to take. a [ __ ] he's like great news thank you. for that and I said you know it's like a. little bit more complicated for me I. need to detach my prosthetic in order to. do that just by the way this is. physically attached to my. body he's like okay I said here's what. we're going to do uh you're going to. back this truck up to like that point.

right there where I'm going to dig a. hole and like get ready to do my thing. and I'm going to use the tailgate to. help me do a single leg squat. backwards so I don't [ __ ] all over. myself and I'm I'm also not trying to. hold a single leg Squat and then. [ __ ] he's like okay cool man I got it. makes sense like I got you let's do this. so it's like a team effort so he backs. the truck up you know I take my. prosthetic off take my kit off throw it.

in the back of the. truck dig a hole good to go I'm holding. onto the tailgate of the truck I lean. back using the truck to kind of brace me. some of my body weight I'm taking a [ __ ]. sure enough boom round be [ __ ]. kidding me round start. clacking and it wasn't this like crazy. organized Ambush whatever it was a. couple [ __ ] that decided to get. creative but still and they're. relatively close to us pno force is. still setting up a perimeter so they're.

still kind of. scrambling and uh couple rounds like. Ting off the like the hood area of the. truck that I'm holding on to he's in the. truck he's like yelling at me he's like. we you know we got contact 9:00 contact. 9:00 well I just hurl myself over the. tailgate into the back of the pickup. truck just to get some. cover pants down kit in the truck weapon. in the truck Prosthetics in the back of. the truck I'm laying on top of all this. stuff it it was over within you know 10.

seconds but now I'm in the back of this. pickup truck and I'm just covered in. faes and uh this dude his name is Matt. he pops out of the truck and he comes. back and he takes one look at me and he. just starts laughing his ass off. rightfully so you know so literally a. [ __ ] show and uh I'm kind of like. looking around like this totally just. happened okay cool you know one of my. teammates ends up kind of coming over he. sees what's going on he's like what just.

happened and then he can see and. visualize what happened he gets on the. radio it was a good time all around. right um but just kind of a funny. one-legged guy combat engagement story. that obviously ended up being more of a. more of a joke and something to laugh. about yeah but something you don't think. about until you know you're in the. moment it happens it's like okay that. just happened yeah yeah holy [ __ ] yeah. good. stuff so you you want to dive school as.

a one-legged guy. mhm. yeah yeah I. did that. um and the reasoning behind that this. wasn't this was just recently you I just. went back in. [Music]. 2020 um just over a couple years. ago. and when I went through the warrant. officer course in. 2019 um I was the first amputee to go.

through the SF Warr officer pipeline so. I went through that and with about a. week left until we graduate is usually. when you get assigned to what team. you're going to go to and I get assigned. to the team that I'm currently on now. and uh the there's four digits to an. sfoda if a if an Oda ends in the number. four then it's a free fall team they. specialize in military free fall or Halo. if the number ends in a number five it's.

a dive team so you know right off the. bat if it's a four or five team what. type of Team it is the rest within the. company can be really anything so I get. told I'm going to the team that I'm on. now and I immediately know it's a dive. team because it ends in the number five. like that's interesting okay and I had. the same response that most guys have. when they get told to go into a dive. team which is holy [ __ ] you know this is. going to suck right SF combat diver. qualification course is widely. considered the most physically and.

mentally challenging course in the Army. probably by a mile which I would agree. with um it's tough to argue against that. when the human body requires oxygen. above any else to stay alive including. blood and water and food and anything. and in that course you will go without. oxygen for an extended period of time in. repetition and to get through that. course you have to fight every single.

natural survival Instinct that we have. as humans and battle through those. demons um so mentally that's where it. becomes really challenging and then. physically it's also a really. challenging cause I have the same. response that most guys have which is. mostly fear and concern and uncertainty. I said okay looks like i' I now have my. next two challenges in front of me one. is taking the team as the assistance. attachment Commander as an officer which. is new to me I've been an enlisted guy. for you know at that point I was like 12.

years um so that'll be new but now I. also got to try to figure out this whole. Maritime Ops thing um so left Brad. graduated the Warren course got back to. Fort Campbell had a meeting with my. company command team and uh within the. first couple minutes of that. conversation they told me that they had. no expectations of me going to dive. school which I found interesting and um. I said okay subsequently I had the same. conversation with the Battalion command. team just like a couple days later and.

they said the same thing to me and in. both of those independent conversations. my response was the same and said well. okay that's fine that that that you're. telling me that but um I'm going to. attempt dive School. and they were kind of like okay looks. like maybe some of these rumors we heard. about this Nut Job one-legged dude in. group might be true and they're like. okay man but uh like we don't know if. like you're even allowed to go to dive.

School based on the physical profile. that you have and you're limiting. conditions as per the Amy right as an. amputate we don't know if you can even. if you're allowed to go I said yeah I. don't know if I'm allowed to go either. but I'm going to I'm going to figure it. out. so my first day with the team um was in. the pool it just kind of so happened to. work out that way where they were. running my Oda was running the pre-dive. course which is the prerequisite course. you have to pass in order to be able to.

go to that school different odas will. run that within the groups and my team. happened to be tasked with running it. and it started my first day on the team. so my first day with the guys I'm in the. pool and they're running the course with. the students that were in it and I was. just kind of off to the side trying to. mimic what the students were going. through and really just try to figure. out how to do all these tasks and. requirements that you need to be able to. pass to demonstrate that you are a.

viable candidate to actually go to dive. school to Key West that was my. introduction to the team introduction to. work as a warrant officer and obviously. my introduction into subsurface marath. operations on a dive Team all happening. at the same time and my teammates are. phenomenal you know and they they didn't. quite know what Wright looked like cuz. no one had played around with this. before yeah some of these events it's. very meticulous the way you do some of. these things you know it's like left.

foot here right foot here left it's it's. prescriptive because it's based on risk. and efficiency how do we this is. dangerous stuff we're doing how do we. mitigate that risk and increase. efficiency so they've described they've. created these prescriptions that you. follow step by step by step well some of. that stuff just doesn't apply to me CU I. don't have a right foot to step right. over there so how so we're kind of. playing around with modifying some of. these procedures and modifying some of. these techniques to execute all these. tasks and it's just brutal man I mean.

it's absolutely brutal not only is it. physically exhausting but you know. you're having to push yourself past the. point of what your body is telling you. to do which is go to the surface and. breathe because you're a land walking. mammal and so you have to ignore all. that so just an an amazing struggle. physically and mentally um so I'm. training physically to see if I can. figure out how to do this and then. concurrently was kind of the.

administrative side of the house to get. approval to actually go and it's a great. story man so I go down and I get my die. physical done which is the most in-depth. physical there is in the Yi is the one. you need to do for you are given the. green light to go to die school they. checked you for everything right blood. work EKG all kinds of stuff that they. normally wouldn't do so I go through my. full DOT physical and I'm I'm cleared. hot medically well then I need to submit. a waer that needs to get approved to go.

because I have a permanent physical. profile because I'm I'm an amputee so. that has to get approved by the swick. surgeon right swick is special Warfare. Center in school which is where. selection the Q course um and a lot of. our Schoolhouse programs all fall. underneath the swick command including D. school so the swick surgeon is the. approving Authority for me to be able to. go he's an ' 06 so the clinic tells me R.

we're going to send off your waer for. approval and they're like we don't know. if this is going to get approved we've. never we've never submitted anything. like this before no one had submitted a. waiver for that before so no one knew. what was going to happen so they submit. it and it's like a week later man and. I'm training in the pool just about. every day just getting my ass kicked. brutal I get a phone call from some. random 910 area code number out of North. Carolina and I answer the phone and.

before I say you know before I can even. say hello there's just this yelling on. the other end of the line and I'm like. what helloo what is this and it's like a. dude is yelling about a profile that. he's looking at for a one-legged guy who. wants to go to dive school and what I. think I just happened was someone. happened to inadvertently dial my phone. number and that person's having a.

conversation about me with somebody else. oh [ __ ] that's what it sounded like I. was hearing so I'm going hello I'm. yelling that's not what was happening. the guy that I that called me called me. intentionally he was just yelling at me. and eventually I realized who it was his. first name is Mike and he was the prior. to being the swix surgeon he was the. third group surgeon back when he was a. lieutenant colonel and he was actually. the first guy that operated on me at. bogram in Afghanistan in 2013 when I got.

brought in on that medac bird no way yep. first guy that operated on me was him. and he's a wild man he's still in now. but he's a w he's a wild man awesome. individual you know saved my life one of. the many that that saved my life he's. now the swix surgeon and eventually I'm. like who the hell is this he tells me. who it is and I'm like oh sir what is. what's going on man what are you doing. you know why are you calling me what and. why are you talking about me I was. completely confused he's like no man you. know I'm I'm at swick now and I said.

okay cool wait are you the are you the. approving Authority for my waer he said. yeah I am I said okay well are you going. to reprove it and he's like yeah I. already did I I I just sent it back like. you're good to go you know he's like I. think you're out of your [ __ ] mind. that you want to go down to dive school. as a. 37-year-old warrant officer with one leg. all three of those things are. extraordinarily uncommon to go even go. to dive school like dive school is a.

young man's game where dudes typically. go right when they graduate the course. they get assigned to a dive team and. then they immediately go through that. process to get dive qualified to be on. that team so most of the most of the. kids that are at dive School are in. their you know early to mid. 20s um as like as as junior ncos is. usually what you see to be 37 years old. as a warrant going to dive school just. by itself is extremely uncommon and then.

obviously when you factor in the fact. that I'm an amput and that an Ute no npt. had ever attempted to go done it puts me. in this like crazy weirdo unicorn. ategory so the colonel um he approved it. you know I always wonder if if that. would have been denied hadn't I had you. know a history with the dude that needed. to say yes so I got pretty lucky I think. that it was him and he knew enough about. me to that he was okay to assume that.

risk and let me go. anyway um so once that was once that was. green lit man then it was then it was. really game on um you know from that. point. and things get even things get even more. complex because now we're in early 2020. right um I got to my team in. um the in May of. 2019 and I'm in the pool I'm in the pool. and it's now early 2020 and I am uh I'm.

getting ready to go to dive school right. well then covid happens early 2020 and. everything closes like all the schools. close the gyms close the pools closed I. was supposed to go in in May to die. school and uh I was supposed to go to. pre-dive in April and then dive in May. and right now we're in around March of. 2020 and I'm getting prepped to go to. pre-dive as a student and everything.

shuts down so I assume that dive school. is canceled and we'll just see what. happens with this covid thing and then. I'll I'll pick it back up once we know. what this looks like so I stopped. training I can't get into a pool I don't. think up going dive School up to that. point I had been training like a crazy. person very similar to the way that I. was training when I was trying to get. back onto the team um you know I locked. myself into this dungeon and I was just. pain and Punishment and I knew that I. needed to push especially my endurance.

capacity to just a whole another Echelon. if I was going to have a chance of. making it through of course like that. with that kind of curriculum so I was. training three four times a day doing. dry breath ho training two three times a. day it was just. non-stop all that stopped because Co. happens and everything shuts down so I. go about two three weeks where I'm just. kind of chilling I'm doing these little. like home workouts with what I had you. know available to me and the dive School.

sag major uh was a third is a third. group guy who I knew he was actually one. of my instructors when I was a student. in the Q course he's now Sant major in. charge of dive School he uh he calls me. calls my cell phone and he says hey man. um we just got the green light we're. running dive school in May on schedule. we got a waiver to run it we're running. it and I'm like dude I haven't been. training the last like two three weeks I. can't even get into a pool I haven't. gone through pre-dive like how is this.

even supposed to work he's like yeah. we're working that out now but like stop. training like now CU this thing's going. off so then we stopped scrambling my. team really to try to figure out how to. get me into a pool so I can demonstrate. all of the required events that you need. to pass at the end of pre-dive to be. credential to go to dive school I needed. I still needed to do that and what we. ended up doing we went a little off the. rails but we found a.

YMCA that was up in Madison field Ville. Kentucky that one of my teammates used. to work at when he was in high school as. a lifegood you got to be [ __ ] me. calls up this facility that's been. closed for about 7 weeks because of Co. and they agreed to open up the facility. to let us in to come in and train now I. had four days before I met that end. point where I needed to have my memo. signed and submitted that I had. demonstrated that I can pass all these.

events normally which happens at the end. of a two-e training block for me I had. not only not gone through that two weeks. but I hadn't been in the water for. almost three that's a very perish skill. yeah right it goes away very quickly so. we have 4 days in this random pool in. the YMCA in. Kentucky they open the facility we get. in there and my whole team's there and. not only is it a deeper pool than what I.

had been training on which makes a. difference but it's freezing cuz they. hadn't it hadn't been turned on like I'm. talking it's in the 60s oh [ __ ] I'm like. oh my God okay so I get in this thing. and I'm training for three days in a row. boom boom boom I do not pass a single. event in any of those three days not one. fail fail fail failure after failure. every day was like four or five hours a.

day three days in a row didn't. successfully pass a single one of those. events now we're on day four and our. actual dive Locker Cadre these are the. guys that certify the candidates at the. end of pre during pre-dive they show up. to validate me and I walk in there and. I'm pretty disgruntled I'm like there's. no way this is going to happen I've got. my ass kicked the last three. days. um and I pass all the events no [ __ ].

pass all the events and uh the ncoic of. the of our dive Locker of our Maritime. support section. Detachment he said yeah man you you know. you you did it all like you're good to. go so that gets sent down to Key West. but like you're cleared hot medical. you're good to go waiver good to go come. on down man and uh let's let's see how. this. goes wow yeah and then you know Key West.

itself the school itself it's six weeks. long you know it's. brutal I was hanging on by a thread the. entire time um and like barely hanging. on by a thread you know the cad down. there uh very deliberate about not. treating me any different than anybody. else same standards apply period uh they. because they have to like the the events. that you go through prior to getting. into the ocean are there for a reason. and it's to mitigate those that are too. much too high risk to put in the ocean.

because the ocean doesn't cooperate you. know I'm talking to a seal you know this. better than I do things go wrong. especially when you go underwat things. are going to go wrong so they they go. through that that that rigorous training. prior to in the pool um to weed out. those that that don't display the level. of capability of remain calm under. pressure on the most extreme. circumstances um but no one really knew. how I was going to. complete some of these tasks so it was a.

little bit of a learning curve for. everybody where sometimes they would. give me like 10 minutes to try to figure. out what body position I would need to. go into where this is what students. normally do that doesn't work for you. because normally they would be on their. knees for example at the bottom of the. pool for this event well you don't have. one of those so try this try this try. this you know I'm playing with different. prosthetic attachments different. components to try to get somewhere close.

um to a position to be able to do it and. then it was like okay now we're going. live like let's go man. so it was. uh it was a brutal six weeks yeah bit. you know brutal six weeks for sure on. the back end of that I was completely. and totally exhausted but um yeah man I. made it. through I got to ask I. mean how the [ __ ] do you do it do are. you do you have the prosthetic when.

you're in when you're in the ocean and. you're diving or yeah man so I. originally I I went to my prosthetist. who's you know a a private Clinic that's. who I see CU there isn't a prosus. section department on for camp. and uh that's what I work with and. they're they're they're amazing they. gave me a fin to use and basically I. would detach my prosthetic just above. the knee and then I would insert this. fin into my socket just a fixed fin. that's all it was couldn't walk on it.

there's no foot it's just a. fin um that's what I used and it's this. little baby thing it's really small U my. my teammates were calling it my the finy. Nemo fin cuz it was just so. it was just so different to my leg you. know it really didn't do much for. propulsion it really just kind of acted. as a Rudder would give me just enough. stability for me to Recco my actual. engine which was 99% done through my.

left leg that was what was propelling me. whether I was treading or if I was. traversing or whatever it was I was. doing my left leg was the one that was. moving me my right leg was just enough. to kind of give me a little bit of. counterbalance to help me navigate or. just keep me above water just long. enough to Reco the next guy my actual. leg I get down to Key West and this is. what I'm using this is the equipment. that I was given it's like I'm going to. make this work and I make it through uh. the precipice of dive school which that. that precipice is the oneman confidence.

test um which is just an. underwater hellish experience kind of at. the at the Pinnacle of your entry pool. section or phase of dive School. and usually once you cross that. threshold and you pass that test uh the. attrition rate drops dramatically that's. where most people get lost is is in the. The Phases prior to and then during one. man um is when most guys get lost.

because after that you actually start. diving that's when you get brought into. the ocean and now they're really. teaching you how to do you know. subsurface infiltration and navigation. so I make it past one man and I'm now. I'm getting ready to go in the ocean. well there's a nonprofit referred to or. they're called um the combat wounded. veterans Challenge and these guys place. a lot of emphasis on on Maritime. activities for combat wounded vets. mostly it's amputees and they go down to. Florida down to Key West once a year for.

their kind of annual dive event and they. bring in all these vets that most of. which are amputees and they take them. diving like recreational style diving. well they use the pool on Key West at. cdqc as their train up area as they're. fitting these guys and girls with. different prosthetic components put them. in the pool have them move around so. there's a relationship that exists. between that nonprofit and the. schoolhouse Once I pass one man the.

company commander of dive School calls. up this nonprofit and says hey we got. this guy down here he just passed one. man we're about to put him in the ocean. this is the equipment he's using and. it's not going to work when he actually. goes. subsurface because there's a certain. element of drift that happens when your. two mechanisms of propulsion are so. different when I'm doing a surface swim. and I have a visual representation of. where I'm trying to go I can correct for. that once you go subsurface you're just.

looking at a a navigation board in a. compass you're just shooting an asouth. and you're going straight you're not. going to notice or be able to correct. that level of drift and the commander. down there knew that so he calls this. this nonprofit up and says this is the. situation can you help this guy out and. the next day four of them jumped on a. plane and flew down to Key West with. just a case of prosthetic. components and sure enough I was in the. I was in the ocean that day and we did.

some short Dives like 500 meter type. Dives and uh when I was driving meaning. I'm the one on the compass I was wildly. off course you know you're above you got. your asmith you look at your target you. go subsurface you shoot that asouth and. you just go by the time I hit the shore. I would be I was way off Target because. of that level of drift because my. propulsion was so. imbalanced so the commander was right. and I had no idea that this was. happening in the background and this.

team shows up and they're like okay man. let's let's get this figured out so I. spent about four hours that night in the. pool with these guys that were trying. all these different types of prosthetic. components on me. and uh they ended up giving me one that. basically we I attach uh free diving. style fin which is a really long narrow. fin um that a lot of like spear. fishermen will use a really flimsy kind. flimsy and long and narrow okay yeah so.

I ended up getting a configuration where. that was attached to my prosthetic side. because it's much longer and then I. would use a standard one on my sound. side. when I got back in the water um in the. coming days once I got done kind of. feeling it out and playing with it man. it was like I had an engine because my. left leg had gotten so strong cuz that's. really what was driving me that once. they gave me something that gave me some.

propulsion I was like a rocket ship. under there so no [ __ ] yeah so my my. components changed while I was in the. course and then it was a matter of. figuring out how to do um like BLS. procedures like once we actually hit the. beach if I'm using a fin that doesn't. have a foot on it doesn't have a knee I. can't secure a beach tactically with. obviously with that that was going to be. my next question yeah so we get to you. know we get to our BLS site to actually. go through our procedures where you.

normally you know you take off your fins. you rig up your stuff you get your rifle. ready to go you go through that as an. element before you come surface and go. on where just I had another step in the. process which was to detach my fin. secure that to my kit pull off my actual. prosthetic that was secured to my kit. reattach that secure that in and then be. able to walk up under the shore no [ __ ]. yeah that's incredible.

man yeah it was tough damn how long ago. was that about two years uh almost. exactly two years I graduated in June of. 2020 wow yeah but you know man people. ask like why' you go to dive school you. know we we just looking for kind of that. next challenge it was handed to me. because I was put in a leadership. position on a dive team it's a. professional obligation to be a combat. dive to be dive qualified to be on a. dive team does it and I'm not about to.

be treated any differently than anybody. else especially in a leadership role you. know the the one thing that binds dive. teams together it's having gone through. that additional filter of dive school. and coming out on backend. successful um right of passage if you. want to use that but it really is what. makes dive team special it makes them. great not just based on the maritime. capability but within all spectrums of. operations because you've just been. through an additional layer of scrutiny.

and have demonstrated your willingness. to literally die put your life on the. line uh for your dive buddy and to stay. calm under pressure when you take 12. dudes that have all been through that. additional screening and them together I. don't care what kind of military. operation you're conducting you're going. to have a high performing team at your. disposal um so I wasn't about to be held. to a different standard or treated any. differently I was going to exhaust every. single possible option to get down there. and and and do.

it um so that's why I did it man I just. happen to get tasked to a dive team and. okay I'm on a dive team that means I. need to be a diver so let's let's go. damn. that's that's that's. incredible I your team has got to have. so much [ __ ] respect for you I'd like. to think so yeah I can't I can't even I. mean wow I'm just blown away man I'm. flown.

away so what's next for. you what's next man so you know I'm. still on the team now but uh but that's. about to come you know to an end here. pretty soon. um the like the next evolution of my. career progression is is on the horizon. so I'm going to savor what what last. moments I have you know being a team guy. and then I'm going to embrace that next. phase of my military career uh with open.

arms and and with motivation and. excitement it took me a while to be able. to be accepting of that you know I'm. currently doing the only thing that I. really want to do in the military is is. be on a team but you can't do it you. can't do it forever man like it runs its. course you know I've had a really great. run it's been 15 years um over nine of. which has been on one leg and that comes. with the price you know physically it. comes with a price there's a lot of. compensation that goes on here where. I've got muscles and joints and.

ligaments and tendons that are op I'm. forcing to operate in a way in which God. really didn't intend for them to be used. and I've been very lucky um as well as. had a sophisticated training program. that I've followed meticulously that has. allowed me to to have this run that I've. had so um it's bittersweet right to say. goodbye to to the team life but that you. know that next thing kind of moving up. to to the next next Echelon of. leadership really just kind of broadens. your your uh level of influence and kind.

of what you can affect so I'm actually. at a place now where I'm looking forward. to it and that's kind of in the short. term man you know like I got another. five years left of active duty time. before I hit that year mock which. barring something crazy is what I will. do as a professional and personal goal. that I've set you know years ago to see. that thing through the Finish. Line um so I'm going to enjoy the time. that I have you know learn as much as I. can while I keep doing it and then.

beyond that you know getting out you. know out of. uniform I'm you know in in many ways I'm. really already doing it as kind of a. passion project uh where I will continue. to write um. Consulting uh workshops seminars. speaking um so really you know doing. what I do now as a as an SF warrant. officer with most of what I do is as. works is as an advisor to decision. makers really just maintaining that um.

but taking it you know obviously out of. uniform to a variety of different you. know sectors and industries and. individuals so I'm blessed man where I. I've lived the last 15 years is and I. live the lifestyle of one that that I. genuinely love and it's one of purpose. and uh I've already identified what that. next thing is so where a lot of guys. struggle with transitioning. out um I won't have that I won't have. that struggle because I know what it is.

and I'm I'm slowly and meticulously. grinding towards that now yeah well. there's I was you know at the beginning. of this I wanted to talk to you about. that but I mean. you're just so resilient and you've. overcome every. literally every [ __ ] obstacle that. you've come across I I don't see how. that could be any different at all. especially considering what you've. overcome already I. mean man I I.

just wow that's that's I just I'm. [ __ ] speechless man your career. everything is just the resiliencies. it's nothing short of. incredible it really is it's been a wild. ride man yeah I'll say it's been a wild. ride but and I'll say that I I truly. believe at the core of resilience is uh. his passionate purpose and that's not.

kittens and rainbows Kumbaya and the. cloud [ __ ] that's that's real stuff and. when you love something and when you. believe that you were put on this Earth. to do something that enables you to get. past the endless list of challenges and. setbacks and punches to the face you. know and falling literally on your ass. over and over and over again you know. when when that doubt starts to come in. you start to question what it is you're. trying to do when you are obsessed with.

it which for me is comes through the. lens of the guys I get to work with just. these Elite men um when you love it that. much. it it makes it. possible. yeah I'm just going to say man you've. got to be one of the most baddest. [ __ ] that I've ever met in my. entire life and I I mean that's that's. I'm not saying that lightly that is um.

you know I've been in the community I. know a ton of guys and that that I've. never heard anything like this it's. incredible well on man well I appreciate. it I'm glad I got a chance to yeah talk. it with you bro yeah me too for real but. um where can people find you yeah man um. I have a website it's Machin nick.com. that's got access to um interviews. podcasts the socials are all on there my. Instagram is probably the most followed.

platform uh it's nick. machine. ly um get the book on there you can see. the the nonprofits that I work with and. support on the website as well well so. that's probably the One-Stop shop and. then most importantly is uh how to get a. hold of me so I'm I'm meticulous about. about going through my emails sometimes. it can take a few weeks but uh I. encourage people whether they got. questions about being an UT or physical. training or what's life like as a as an.

SF guy uh by all means send it man and. uh and I will get get back to you guys. personally Rog that well I'll link all. those below every all your social your. website everything I'll link your book B. below as well so anybody that wants to. purchase it can go and uh let's get the. hell out of here and go get some dinner. let's do it man all right man Cheers. Cheers. [Music].