Nick Kefalides - MARSOC Raider / Hitting Rock Bottom and Unlocking Your Full Potential | SRS #57

hey everybody next up one of my really. good friends and favorite people in the. world Nick keus Nick and I did a. psychedelic journey together we got a. lot of clarity from it me and Nick have. known each other for a very long time. and. uh our Journeys have just taking us into. some of the coolest places and um it was. just amazing to share that experience.

with them with that being said um I just. want to. say psychedelics nothing to play around. with and uh but they can do a lot of. good it's been a year and 3 months now. that I have not had one drop of alcohol. and that's from my first psychedelic. experience and. um more present more in the moment with. my family it's been a lot of good for me. with that being said at the end of this.

there's some stuff that I talk about. when it comes to my faith and if those. of you that follow me on Twitter and. Instagram you know that I am on a faith. Journey now and I do want to say that is. not from this that story is coming very. soon but it's not it is not from. psychedelics and I want to make that. very clear but with that being said. please sign up for our newsletter links. in the description.

leave us a review on Apple podcast and. Spotify I love you all see you soon. cheers and uh one last thing all you. moms out there I hope you had a. wonderful Mother's day yesterday and a. happy late Mother's Day to all you moms. out. there mothers are the most amazing. humans on the planet God bless you all. [Music].

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Nick welcome back thank you for having. me brother dude I'm so glad you're back. and we had such an. amazing experience last weekend and um. I'm I'm just I'm glad you came back a. couple days later because I think this. experience could it's going to help a. lot of people in the world and um yeah. and it's just always good to see you. yeah I agree man it's uh I felt at first. kind of hard to put into words but. having those few days after the.

experience to really reflect and think. about those things think it' be very. beneficial to to share this with the. world and just provide some perspective. it will be it will be but uh but before. we get into that for anybody that. doesn't know Nick me and Nick go way. back we used to teach together back in. the Tactical training days a vigilance. Elite and uh you're the fourth guest on. my show one of my fav episodes of all.

time and the most meaningful uh to me. and um and uh so if anybody hasn't seen. that episode here's the preview right. here he proceeds to look at me and one. of my other comrades and he's like hey. uh go ahead and put the body on the hood. on the hood of what.

so you [ __ ] took out number. three having that natural instinct to. react and to do what needs to be done. you can't train for. that you hand selected. again uh to come on as a [ __ ] an.

operator A Car Bomb was driven into one. of our vehicles on the Convoy and we did. what we were trained to. do they were taking kids and filling. their bicycle tires with explosives and. they would have the kids ride their bike. towards the Convoy and start detonating. their [ __ ]. bicycles I got up on the top of the roof. and uh you know started engaging you. know targets and you can see the guys. are running back and forth.

sure enough they're still coming and uh. you know I just engaged single around to. each guy they were from all different. directions um you know we cut out murder. holes in the. walls you're 19 years old and you just. got in your first engagement and shot. your first. man your [ __ ] service record is. amazing I've worked with a lot of.

different operators from all different. branches especially when I was at. CIA if I could go. back and operate with somebody um that I. didn't get to before you would be. [ __ ] top of my L dude and I don't say. that [ __ ] to very many. people all right now that we got that. out of way let's get to the good stuff. so you know couple weeks ago actually it.

was a couple months ago uh we had set a. date you know to meet up and uh go to an. undisclosed location and uh do a little. bit of. healing and I. think I think we were both a little. stressed about the time commitment uh. leading up to it and and but neither one. of us were we going to cancel it cuz I. think we both knew that we really needed. it and uh I'm I just want to say I'm so.

happy that we were able to do that and. go out into the Wilderness and uh and. reconnect with with each other with. ourselves internally and and with nature. and um so I just want to I just want to. kind of go over what happened what our. experiences was and then and then what. it led into for both of us so so I'll. kick it off you know when we went down. there my intention.

um were fairly similar the first time. when I went uh and did the Iain in 5 Meo. treatment but you know some of those. effects had worn off and some of them. had stayed in but I I have been feeling. very overwhelmed um recently we just. brought our episodes up to one a. week it's been a lot of stress on me and. a lot of stress on the team kind of. getting into that into that grind and. tur it into a well- greased machine and. and it's taking time away from my family.

and um and I really just I needed. to become grounded again reconnect with. my family reconnect with who's important. and um and and it was also the perfect. time of year because because I I know a. lot of people think New Year's. resolutions are [ __ ] and you should. just always have goals but for me it. always has been and hopefully always. will be a time where I can reflect what. happened the year prior what my wins.

were what my losses were what my. failures were and um and and and try to. make this year better and um I was. having because I've been so involved in. the business and and right you know it's. it was hard for me to think of goals. like real goals you know I I came up. with a couple goals and it was like you. know I hope to make x amount of money. this year and it it it was it was like.

shallow [ __ ] that doesn't mean. anything I know what you mean and um I. had no idea you know what what I was in. for and and just like I thought you know. it cleared the weeds out everything. became a picture perfect clear uh as far. as Clarity is concerned picture of what. I need to be doing and um and uh I. wanted to.

reconnect with my family be in the. moment find my goals. manifest my goals which we had talked a. lot about manifestation the night before. we went and um and that's that's why I. wanted to do it what what what what were. your. intentions dude. um I think. uh probably like you you. know my intentions were a little. different compared to my first.

experience with psychedelics you know. first time going down to Mexico really. didn't know what to. expect um so this time I think I had my. intentions were a little bit more. deliberate um because I I just kind of. knew how powerful um these psychedelics. can be and U what they can do for an. individual and that person's family uh. so for me a couple of those things were.

really uh gaining. some some clarity and some direction uh. at this point in my life where I where. I've reached from here moving forward. and in different aspects of my life so. as a father as a husband and as a. entrepreneur you know just trying. to just look ahead you know uh in the. big picture of. things uh a lot of it was geared my. intentions were geared.

towards my family you know having the. ability to be present you know it's dude. there's just so much [ __ ] that goes on. in our lives and it's very easy to allow. that that background noise to get louder. and louder and ultimately take over and. you kind of you don't forget but the. focus that you put on the things that. truly matter it kind of draws away from. that and uh I just I just know that. that's the most important thing.

and I just wanted to gain. more more techniques and ways to just be. present with my family and to be able to. show them the love and the empathy and. the attention that I feel like they. deserve from my son my daughter my wife. you know and even you know my parents my. wife's parents just everything and I. think that's one of the the biggest. things I've I've gotten out of out of. doing psychedelics is dude I'm more.

empathetic than I've ever been in my. entire life you and me both it's it's. opened me up to things I never I never. even thought that I would have the. ability to to see you know me too man. you know I I would like to put a little. bit of context on recent history of you. if that's okay and if it's not you feel. free to stop me but 4th of July last. year I got a call from you and. and I had no idea how dark of a place.

you were in and to put a little more. context in it I mean you moved from. Florida you picked up your family moved. away from your son moved to Tennessee. got a new job that did not work out and. it it it didn't take long then you had. to uproot your family your wife and. daughter again moved to. Texas reestablish herself try to try to.

get your fishing business going again. and and and I think the wheels just. you'd been running so hard that the. wheels fell off it took me totally by. surprise and um. and I know you checked into you checked. into a brain Clinic I made a couple. calls I don't know if any of that helped. or not but um not with the brain clinic. but with you know with. uh somebody that's very near and dear to. me but. and so I I just thought I was like man I.

I [ __ ] love you dude and um you're. one of my best friends and uh and so I. just thought I was like man I'll bet. Nick you know I could use it I'll bet he. could use it let's just reconnect get. away from technology get away from. people you know and and let's get out of. town for a little bit and get get back. to what's important and. um so he came. in on I think a Friday night. and we had a we had a long.

discussion about. manifestation and that's something that. I've been been working on for a long. time and uh I guess not too long but. it's I've realized for me personally and. I think a lot of people think that. manifestation is [ __ ] but I'm here. to tell you that is very real and they. gave you example after example of how. I've manifested what this has turned. into and and and a lot of different.

aspects in my family and and in business. and uh what was. your be honest what was your. initial thought when I brought up. manifestation did you think I was insane. no not at all um it's actually I found. it ironic when you brought it up because. it's a topic that uh that I recently had. started really digging into and and kind. of diving deep been doing my own. research and I've actually talked to.

some other uh just close friends you. know Cody Alfred it was funny because I. think four days three or four days. before uh I came to see you uh I was. actually with Cody and we had a. conversation about this and you know he. was talking about it because he he. believes in it as well and I'm just I. find it fascinating and I do think there. is something to it 100% And I'm just at. the point where I just want to learn now. I want to I'm so interested in it uh so.

when you brought it up dude I was like. so we're going here wasn't expecting it. cuz I didn't know what your stance was. on it and uh I thought it was a really. really good conversation it was very. educational for me and uh it you know. showed me where you where you lie where. you stand with it and uh it kind of. still let me left me. uh I just wanted more and fast forward. to the end of the weekend it's. mindblowing and it's real oh yeah it is.

you know and and in short without diving. 100% into that conversation again I was. saying you you were asking how I. manifest what I want and I'm still. working on this and to be honest I. haven't looked outward much on how other. people manifest I just I realize that. I'm doing it I've heard people mention. it talk about. it but the way I manifest my.

goals is I just think I think about it. all the time I think about it during. meditation I talked to my wife about it. I I. began very recently actually saying what. I want out loud and and throwing it out. into the. universe and or to God or whatever you. want to call it you know and um and it. comes back and I I also believe I also. believe in karma I believe that if you.

inject good into this world it's going. to come back to you tenfold in ways that. you never expected it's not going to. come back from the people that you do. the good for it's going to come back in. in in a completely different angle and. Blindside you but back to manifestation. how. I like. to manifest is is by thinking a lot the. power of thought I think is um I don't.

think people put enough into that into. the power of thought and I think bigger. I think about my goal and then I think. about the next goal and the next goal. and. so what I do is the immediate goal I. just make it bigger and bigger and. bigger and when you think like that all. of the short-term goals automatically. fall into place because you're thinking. bigger And So It Begins the. manifestation process process you start.

gaining a tremendous amount of momentum. because you're winning winning winning. winning winning you know and the only. reason and the reason that's happening. is one you're taking action but two. you're just thinking so so far ahead. that all of the initial goals wind up. happening automatically because you're. thinking so big and and and I think. momentum is a key component when it. comes to manifestation as well yeah I. agree and I I think the key word that. you just mentioned was action taking.

action you know it's a lot more than. just thinking of an idea or goal there. has to be an action taken there and you. know it could take 5 years to reach. whatever that ultimate goal is it could. take five years and you just have to ask. yourself are you willing to work each. and every day to make yourself better to. become a better better version of. yourself each and every day and it could. be in the most simple ways possible you.

know did I do this did I do that you. know look at yourself yesterday today. what did I do to work towards that goal. you know and I think it's a you know you. talk about the power of of thinking and. it's a mindset thing you know it's 100%. a mindset thing and then taking action. so I agree with. you the US dollar how many of you out. there still have any confidence. whatsoever in the US dollar probably not. very many I don't either you see there.

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why but when you when you say that it. makes perfect. sense let's so the next day we got ready. and um we had a long drive ahead of us. to get to the destination and I. take I received so many benefits from my. first psychedelic. experience um down with Trevor that I I. do not take this lightly I'm very yeah. it.

is very ritualistic for me MH I take it. extremely seriously I don't clown around. about it I have my intentions written I. have the I have to get in the mindset I. have the I even have crystals well dude. well and it was funny because I told Jil. and she's like what' you guys do today I. said well uh Sean took me by this shop. and we bought crystals and she laughed. so hard dude it was just it was funny. cuz she's like that's awesome. I believe in it you know and we went in.

there and I wanted a crystal that manage. or I'm sorry not manage but that that. that goes along with my intentions and. my intention was to manifest yeah. and well dude these are right there. these this the plant medicine it's it's. sacred right and the two most important. things that I've learned when it comes. to experimenting with psychedelics is. one your intentions and two the setting.

in which you you perform those you know. and I thought that was something that. was really cool that you did because it. just it set the tone for that experience. by doing all those things you know you. called the word you use was ritualistic. and some people may have looked at that. and may have thought it's a little weird. but I think it helped with the overall. experience you know yeah I was. uh it was inter my thought process was. interesting because I.

was I really opened up and showed you a. side of me that I don't show really. anybody yeah actually to be honest. you're the only other person other than. Katie that I've ever shown that side of. myself to and and uh I didn't know how. you were going to take it but at the. same time I was like I don't give a [ __ ]. how he takes it this is me this is how I. do this if he's on board great if not he. can do his own thing and that's fine but. um but I I do I think it's very. important you know to take this stuff.

extremely seriously and to get us the. the most out of it to be honest with you. I cannot stand it. when when people you know they they. they're like hey bro can I get some. shrooms and to me it's it's not that at. all it is medicine it's a very sacred. medicine that's thousands and thousands. and thousands of years old that that. people have been utilizing and. benefiting from for since way before. yeah anybody we know Ro this Earth. and um so we got in we started to set.

our our intentions we had a discussion. about that. and do you want to talk about that. discussion can yeah sure I I'll I'll. kick it off we were talking a lot. about what our intentions were when we. went to Trevor. yeah. and I'm going to be honest with the. audience. I have always struggled with my faith in.

God. and with that being said God has shown. me that he's present with me time and. time and time. again but that wears off for me. personally and I just I always I see a. lot of. Hypocrites in in in religion today in. the church and I don't buy off on. religion. that's I don't blame anybody that's in.

that's into that but it's not it's not. for me and it. actually when I feel like somebody's. pushing a religious agenda on me it. makes me it creates dis distance between. me and and and my faith and I don't like. that and I interviewed Eddie Penney. right before great interiew right before. Christmas great. interview every single guest. every person I've talked to who who.

means something to me since Eddie's. episode there's always been some type. of religious aspect when it comes to God. Jesus every single person including you. who I never had any idea that you uh. were religious at all and you told me. that your intention when you went down. to Mexico.

was I want to know if I have a. relationship with God yeah and I don't. know if you know this but that hit me. like a ton of bricks and and I almost. rewrote my intentions right there. because I'm not kidding you Nick it was. it was Eddie Penney and then I don't. want to name everybody's names and all. the discussions that we've had but. but every guest. that I've had on since him and not all.

of them have been released yet have have. brought that up and then and and you. were the last one well not to mention. all the. um all the. coincidences outside of the people. you've interviewed that had happened. since that time as well I remember you. explaining them to me and like they're. not coincidences bro yeah yeah and I. mean people can call it what they want. religion spirituality you know some.

people believe you know religion is. man-made but I now since that time have. a relationship with God and I do. consider myself a Christian um but I. think just being open more open to all. that yeah I kind of surprised myself. going down there with that intention but. I was very much like you prior to that. in terms of my faith with god um I. questioned I had so many question. questions and I saw a lot of the same.

things with hypocrisy and the churches. and and things like that and just made. me question a lot and there's times. where I'll be honest you know I I was. angry at God you know I I blamed him for. a lot of the misfortunes and the. hardships in my life you know I I blamed. him and uh I feel very differently now I. have a very different view on it and uh. it just feels good because I know that. God is present in my life and he's. present in your life and everybody's.

version of God may be different but it's. just there's there's. no there's no feeling like it there's no. feeling of love it's totally different. than that of the relationship you have. with your kids and your wife or anybody. else I'm glad you said that I'm I. am I'm still searching every day but you. had mentioned you had mentioned that and. it did it hit me it hit me hard.

and I almost I almost rewrote my. intentions and went with that and I told. you I said you know I think I even. vocalized it I said you know I kind of. think that should be my new intention. but I think I need to come down here by. myself to battle that one out yeah and. um and um so then we moved on and we. took we started with four grams of.

psilocybin yeah let's mention that we. mentioned psychedelics I don't think we. mentioned what we did specifically it. was the siloc cybin yeah this. is your second time this was so I did I. did one psilocybin journey by with my. wife K okay and it was I did two Gams I. wanted to go very light um I don't I'm. like I said I take this stuff very. seriously ly and um I don't 100% trust.

myself with it yet um I I do a lot more. now after what we had just went through. but I will say that two gs um was. like was nothing like the experience. that I had with. Trevor but it was like. having a year two three a ton of. marriage counseling yeah wrapped up into.

about 3 hours that's huge and I got so. many things off my chest and me and. Katie have a very healthy relationship. you know that and but there are always. these underlying things you know and and. I'm not going to go into what those are. or were but it gave. me it gave it just gave me the courage. and the ability to articulate it in a. perfect away and clear my head and we.

worked through so much that night and. that's the that's the only other time. that I've done it um since I went down. with Trevor and for those of you. listening that are wondering who Trevor. is um Trevor is the Psychedelic provider. that that that treated myself and and. Nick and his website is in the. description below if you are thinking. about doing a psychedelic Journey for. healing and you're scared to do it by.

yourself and you wanted to do it in a. professional environment I'm linking his. website below I Trev I love you buddy. yeah dude and uh I just wish the best. for you and um you've done so much for. me. but but um and so moving into this one I. wanted to go with you and I I wanted to. do a heavier dose so we started with. four G and I think five gram is the Z. oos correct yeah this is my first time.

ever doing it by the way yeah and and so. we took four grams in a t form and we. sat by a fire and we talked about our. intentions and it took took about 30. minutes about 30 minutes to start. feeling it for me I think it took you. longer but I'm going to I'm going to. leave it to you now yeah so um wasn't. really sure what to expect this being my. first time you know we were hanging. around around the fire and.

uh it uh it wasn't like the other. experience like you said with Trevor. where it's just like you know I kind of. I guess I my I don't want to call. expectation but what I. envisioned uh the experience being like. it was a little different but in a. really good way uh not taking anything. away from the experience and like you. said it took me a little longer to. really start feeling it but I just. noticed. that my. where I was at with my thought.

process started to go deeper and deeper. and deeper and I was tapping into things. that I was like Wow started to gain some. introspection in ways that I don't know. that I ever have and kind of like. related it to the way that you said it. was like once the conversation started. rolling I felt like I had just gotten. years of of therapy out of the way. you know right did the initial this is.

not I mean not initially but this. progressed throughout the night it was. like it wasn't like a a ramp up of you. know where you you come up here and then. you know you slowly and subtly come down. it was just a gradual climb for me and. that was when as the thoughts started. getting deeper and deeper that's when we. decided I think it kind of eased both of. our minds because like you said the. trust of doing it and you don't know. what to expect you know yeah. and you do hear people talk about having.

a a bad trip and While others will say. there's no such thing as a bad trip. because they're you're getting the. benefits regardless whether you feel. whether they feel good or not right um. but at that point is when we decided to. to take more you know yep and uh I. think well we kind of said hell with the. tea at that point and we just started. eating them yeah we wound up taking. about 10 grams of mushrooms is that what. it what it was yeah I took I took 10 G I.

weighed another two I ate those then I. weighed another two I ate those and then. I grabbed a. handful and I took those and and and. just for the audience to understand I. wasn't just shoveling psilocybin in my. mouth what I was doing is I was making. sure where I was going was going to be a. good place yeah and. and I.

felt I didn't get a lot of visuals I. felt very connected I felt very. connected to you I felt very connected. to the surroundings for the audience the. the the setting that we were in we. were way out in the middle of nowhere. surrounded by Wilderness lots of. waterfalls Creeks uh zero. distraction 2 and 1/2 hours. 3 hours away from any major city and um.

and it it was just a perfect. starry night not a cloud in the sky you. could see everything out. and and. um I remember my thought press my. thought press I kept I was worried about. you I kept worrying about you and uh I. just had this sense that you. you were really.

struggling and that you felt a lot of. pain. and I initially I was I was going all. right he just needs to be by himself and. I need to be by myself I need to be by. myself so I went. inside and I did a couple of breathing. exercises at this point 10 gam is. kicking and um it was really really. kicking but I still I didn't have I had. barely any visuals the only visual that. I had off off.

um right off the bat um was I had like. this it was like a green light that was. projecting from the back of my head I. remember you saying that and I was like. I don't know I still don't know what. that was. and but I laid down totally relaxed put. my arms. out you were outside by the fire and. um I just I could not I was getting.

frustrated cuz I could not get you out. of my thoughts and I was not down there. to think about you I was down there to. think about what's important to me. manifest my goals you know think of new. ways to show my wife and my son that I. love them yeah. and but I could just I could feel your. presence and I remember yelling I was. like well maybe if I just yell as loud. as I can that'll clear my head and a new.

thought will come in because we had. talked a lot about meditation as well. and how when I. meditate I let every thought come. through my head and sometimes there's. hundreds of thoughts sometimes it takes. an hour to get there sometimes I never. get there but the way I meditate. is I don't fight the thoughts I sit. there. [Music]. and and it's like a bird's eye view mm. I'm watching everything but I'm just.

letting the clouds pass by you're. present with your thoughts and you're. sitting with them yeah and I and I let. the thought play out of my head and then. that disappears and a new thought comes. in and then that thought disappears and. a new thought comes in and. eventually you get to the point where. you've run through every thought that's. in your head and that's when you get the. that's when you get the thought of. nothingness and I never realize that I'm. thinking of nothingness until I snap out. of it and that's when I realize I I've.

cleared my entire head every thought in. there is. gone well the thought of you was not. leaving my head and and I was I was just. laying there I I was like this thought's. going to pass I'll be present with the. thought it will pass it didn't pass so I. yelled screamed as loud as I could. you're still in. there I don't know how much time had. passed but then you walked in and and I. think you were asking if I was okay and. I just said Nick I you're in my.

mind and this is going to sound really. weird and I'm very reluctant to say this. but I'm going to empower you right now I. can't believe you're saying it right now. and I want you to sit down and I'm going. to ask you some questions and I want you. to give me the shortest answer you. possibly can with the least amount of. words I said I can I can. feel that you're struggling and I want.

you to get through this because I love. you and I. asked what is holding you. back what was going through your. head when the came out of my. mouth I was trying to process everything. cuz I was kind of when you I came in and.

you asked me to sit down I think I laid. down on the floor next to you were in. the in the bed and I just laid down. there next to you cuz I so I could hear. you and uh when you said I can't get you. out of my head I was like I didn't know. what to say to that you know and when. you asked that. question if you recall it probably took. me it was some silence. there and.

uh I started going through all the. thoughts I started trying to find the. answer for myself. because I really didn't have an answer. and I think I even gave you a couple. answers but they weren't the. answer I think at that. point the conversation continued. I told you your strengths yeah I think.

the big one was. communication it was I said. Nick because I I I just had this sense. that you're you were really struggling. with selfworth which we figured out you. were struggling with. selfworth and I said Nick do you even. know what I consider your number one. attribute to be and you said no and I. said I talk to Katie about this all the. time you have this amazing ability to.

communicate exactly what you're thinking. nobody has any doubts into what you want. you're very descriptive you're very. direct and it's that can be extremely. hard to do yeah and I tell Katie that. all the time when I'm when I'm talking. to my team when I'm talking to people. with business when I'm when I'm trying. to protect myself you know um from from. being taken advantage of and a lot of.

that has to do with communication and. I've ever since I remember watching you. teach for the first time and when we. were teaching tactics together and I was. like this guy can communicate like. nobody have ever seen he can convey. exactly what's going on in his head and. exactly what he wants to an audience and. it just it comes so natural to you and. I've learned a lot by just observing. um how you communicate how you direct.

how how you protect yourself from being. taken advantage of how all these things. you know and and and I have I've. vocalized it to Katie several times and. and I wanted you to know like I said. Nick nobody can take control and command. a room better than you I remember saying. that and and I said you're you're. extremely good at it and and you know. how how did that how did that feel did.

anybody ever told you that before. nobody's ever told me that and I I knew. exactly what you were talking about you. know one of the the term we call it in. the military is a is a command presence. there's just there's some folks I'm not. just going to say there's some guys. because there's women that have this. this rare ability as well to when they. speak they just have this presence of. command to that overtakes overwhelms a.

room and I mean dude you might have a. room full of alpha. types but there's something different. about that person that even the other. Alphas in the room know when that person. speaks to just listen you know and when. you said that. dude I think that I'm getting Goosebumps. just talking about it because I'm I'm. replaying that night in my head right. now and. the word Empower you know that that's.

exactly what it did for me and it was. selfworth that I was struggling with and. I didn't even realize. it and. uh dude it felt good it felt really good. CU I don't I told my wife the same thing. I think that you told Katie I don't. think I've ever had a. conversation like you and I had that. night with any other individual I don't. know that her and I have ever being able. to go that.

deep I don't I don't think we've ever. been able to go that deep into something. like that and it meant the world to me. dude it was mind-blowing but it was a. there was a revelation that I I. needed and I'm sure we'll get further. into where where it went from there cuz. it got even. better you can take it from here. all right give me a.

second I felt. like I was trying to. muster every ounce of wisdom that I. could possibly muster into my head and. convey that to you to empower you to. move on with your next with your next. goals in life. and at the same time like I. was I I I I did not want to come across. cocky you know and and and and that.

was I was very. insecure in bringing that conversation. up. because because of who you are Nick I. mean you're one of the most accomplished. combat veterans I've ever met and I mean. you killed the number three [ __ ] guy. and and and the things that you've been. through are they're horrific and they're. heroic and and I mean I've told you this.

you know I don't think I've interviewed. all kinds of people and I I don't think. anybody the most gruesome. worst. stories that I've ever heard of are from. grunt Marines no and um and I've always. just had like a very very deep respect. for you not only because of that cuz of. who you are as a person too but I'm just. trying to paint a picture it was very it. was it took a it took a lot of. vulnerability for me to say to you I'm.

going to empower you now yeah and I. didn't know how that was going to come. across but I thought it was worth the. gamble because I wanted. to I had a lot to say actually I didn't. have a lot to say I had a little to say. and I was very direct about what I said. you're very deliberate and very direct. about it and. uh it helped me discover I I got to. thinking about it you know as we were. talking about it.

and the communication piece I'm like you. know I started to tell you why I why I. am that way I think I started to just. kind of explain you know well I tend to. be very passionate about certain things. some would say I care too much you know. but I don't want to leave any gray. area and what people may perceive I. don't want there really to be it's one. of those things like perception isn't.

always reality I don't want there to be. I want to be real I want people to know. what's on my mind and what I'm thinking. whether that's good or bad I think. communication is a huge. piece and something that we should all. try to do better in every aspect of Our. Lives whether it's business relationship. with your kids with your wife friends. social life in all. aspects and dude when you said that to. me and we had that that conversation and.

about that and and I mean I think I at. that point I kind of I was doing a lot. more of the talking than you were cuz. you pretty much said what you said you. were very direct to the point and it. almost just got the wheels my head. turning and I started kind of going. through all these different. scenarios and I was. like holy. [ __ ] he's. right he's. right and then I started to to think. about the ways that having that benefit.

me instead of being hard on myself like. I am I beat the [ __ ] out of myself. dude and maybe it's that thing of kind. of looking at the glass half half empty. instead of half. full but I feel like it really kind of. helped me look at it towards the glass. half full I was like [ __ ] that's a. really good trait to.

have and uh it boosted me dude it gave. me confidence it gave me confidence that. I didn't have prior to to that weekend. you know. yeah and uh I dud I thank you is not. enough I don't think and I told you. this I don't think I've ever and you and. I have spent a lot of time together. we've spent a lot of late nights you. know talking about things and having.

some you know discussions that I think. most people just don't have and most. would consider those deep that night was. on another level dude and I don't think. I've ever seen you as focused as you. were it was almost Eerie dude it was. almost. eerie but what I learned from it is. priceless. Dam thank you for saying.

that i' when I was doing it so just to. paint the setting you know we weren't. look there was no eye contact there. nothing and I had my eyes closed laying. on my back looking up at the ceiling and. um it. was I felt so much. Clarity that it almost felt like some. was talking through me it's like. somebody. had taken control of my body and was.

conveying my thoughts out of my my. wisdom out of my out of my. head and. um and then I realized and then the. thought came into my head as we were. talking this isn't anybody this is you. and you wanted goals this is your. [ __ ]. goal you need to do this to more. people and. and I thought I'd been kind of doing.

this with the show you know with with. with these interviews and bringing guys. on and watching their businesses explode. and and helping them you know think. through things maybe not helping them. think through things but just just. diving in deep and and making making the. guests think about things they've never. thought about and and and and in turn. the audience empowers the guests you. know and and it does it doesn't you've. been through it you know the power that. this. audience conveys to the guests when when.

they when they feel that. connection and. um and this was man this was just. totally different and it it did Nick it. gave me by becoming vulnerable. myself in in in empowering you it made. me realize this is one I'm on the right. track I'm doing exactly what I should be. doing with this show right now and I've. always had these things where I need to.

I need to be doing this and I need to be. doing that and and I kind of started. falling into it whatever the show. doesn't matter that's not what this. episode is about but it just. felt. really good to to to to to to do that. and and then we got. into another discussion. disc about deserving it.

yeah yeah do you remember. that yeah yeah and it it led into the I. I think that that conversation is what. led into our second day as. well. we we're both getting emotional mhm and. you kept saying how your family deserves.

better your wife deserves better your. daughter deserves better your son. deserves better you know and and. and do you remember this. conversation yeah. and I said Nick what are you talking. about why do you think they deserve. better and. and you kind of mumbled a couple of. things and I didn't really make out what. you were saying and I said. Nick right now at this very moment you.

are at Rock. Bottom you have a military pension you. have your VA. benefits all you have to do is get up. and this is as bad as it gets I was like. you have a a a beautiful wife a. beautiful daughter and an incredibly. handsome son who loves you. dearly and all you have to do is wake up.

all the bills are paid everything's. going to be fine you're just putting. this pressure on yourself and I was like. you you want to feel pressure I was like. look at these guys that marry these. these. bimbos you know big fake titties big. fake ass fake lips fake this fake that. fake everything's fake you know dealing. with the pressure of that that's. pressure. what you have is a. genuine loving beautiful wife who loves.

you who doesn't give a [ __ ] about that. kind of stuff she doesn't care about the. bags and the and the watches and the. Diamonds and she doesn't she just loves. you man and I don't think you've ever. thought that you know and I. think because you've been looking. outward and I wanted you to look Inward. and realize Nick like this is his best. as it gets it doesn't get worse than. this anything worse is only in your head.

yeah and you have nowhere to go but up. and you deserve it all you deserve. everything look at what you've done for. this country look at what you've done. for people through your nonprofit look. at all the things that you've done and. all the good that you've injected to the. world and it's it's ready to come back. to you but you have to realize that you. deserve it you deserve everything that's. coming to you and that took me a long. time to realize as well you have to you. have to know that you deserve it I mean.

I used to wake up every day and look at. the mirror and say you're the most. worthless piece of [ __ ] I've ever seen. in my [ __ ] life get off your [ __ ]. ass you know put the bottle down put the. coke down put the [ __ ] oxies down put. and that for years that's what I would. tell myself I told myself that when I. was working for the CIA told myself that. when I started vigilance Elite told. myself that every day every day in the. mirror you can do better you're. worthless you're a [ __ ] piece of [ __ ].

and it wasn't until I changed my mindset. that [ __ ] started falling in and instead. of saying that it was you deserve that. yeah go get it it's right there all you. have to do is go and get. it yeah and I needed that dude I've told. you. this several times since last. weekend I needed that. because I needed I you know I'd reached.

a a point in my life. where I needed to take that next step. forward but until I. realized what we were discussing in. terms of I you're right I I I was. looking outward I wasn't looking Inward. and what you. helped me. discover is allowing me to take that.

step forward I don't think I would have. been able to take that step forward I. was on the fence I was stagnant if you. will and I don't know that I would have. been able to take that step forward. without. realizing maybe I do [ __ ] deserve. this maybe I do. of course you do and.

and now that I see. that it's [ __ ] game. time I love hearing. that yeah it's [ __ ] game time man and. uh it's only going to get better you're. damn right yeah it's only going to get. better for me for my family and for. every single person that I come into.

contact. with because at the end of the day it's. not about us man it's about serving. others and helping. people and I've realized. that regardless of what I'm doing in my. life the one constant the one thing. that brings fulfillment. and a sense of purpose is helping others. man but I couldn't take that next step.

forward to doing that without realizing. within. myself that I deserve. it and so dude I I mean thank you man. like thank you from the bottom of my. heart I I never thought a single. conversation could be so meaningful and. impactful but like wow you know. you're welcome it's been a week. since it's been a week today yeah it's.

been a week. today since that. conversation and just one. week if I look at just that one. week and what's taking place I'm like. wow I've. been holding back I've been allowing. this to hold me back I've been. harnessing it but I haven't been. executing and it's time to.

execute yeah it. is so what happened after that. conversation I think uh your journey in. my journey. so I think I went back outside by the. fire one more time and I actually. started to get some visuals really yeah. um so I I kind of lean back in the chair. that I was sitting in by the fire and I.

mean like you said it was such a clear. night dude that you could see every. single star it was just beautiful and I. just was sitting there in deep. thought looking at the stars and the. visual I got. was it was all everything was all the. stars were connected and they were. connected by like hexagons really yeah. like you ever look at like a. like a chart of like cells and atoms and. stuff and how it connects everything.

that's what it. was interesting yeah and but it was all. the stars and because it was a I mean. such a clear night it was dark you know. um you could see everything but you. could also see how it was all. connected and it just really took me. down this I guess you could call a. rabbit. hole and. I just got into this deep thought. process of the universe and the.

possibilities. of what could. be you know that's a deep rabbit hole. Yeah and we'll save that for another day. yeah but uh man that was. also something that just I couldn't. believe you know some of those thoughts. that I was able to process and kind of. what what I learned from it. but again we'll we'll save that. conversation for another. day I remember going out there and I.

said I can't remember what point I went. out there but I remember going out there. and I. said it was thousands of stars out and I. mean you really couldn't have been more. clear and I. I it was amazing and I said isn't it. crazy that we can see all these Stars. yeah. and none of them can see us that's how. minuscule we are in the universe yep.

they cannot even see us we can see them. they cannot see us because we are. nothing. yeah. but well I didn't. go after that conversation I I. was I had moved on and I I had realized. I said okay like that's one of my gos. That was supposed to happen and and I.

felt the connection we had our. conversation and I think I even vocal I. I took one out of your book and just. communicated and I said Nick I'm not. trying to be rude but I want to be by. myself now yep and um at that point I. think you did go yeah you did go back. outside and I just laid. there and I was just thinking about my. family. and how I can show them new ways that I. love.

them and then and then it kind of. started to wear off a little bit and um. I I don't sleep well um I've noticed. that the the the three experiences that. I've had now psychedelics I do not sleep. well and actually it takes me about a. week to get back on a sleep schedule MH. and um and uh did you did you have any. more visuals when you went to that was. the only visual I had that night I think. I might have saw I guess you could call. them tracers M you know um but that was.

the the only real visual that I. had let's take a break when we pick up. again then uh we'll we'll talk about the. next morning. cool we now live in a world that is. unraveling minute by minute Day by Day. none of us can predict what tomorrow is. going to bring at this point picture. this grocery stores stripped clean.

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naturals.com use promo code Shan to take. 20% off your. order thank you bubs Naturals for being. a sponsor of the Shawn Ryan. Show all right Nick we had a good break. retrace some of our steps from day two. but I'll kick it off you know so we woke. up and we basically had kind of had the. the same discussion that we just had and. and dissected a little bit of our of the.

previous night on you know roughly 10 G. of siloc cybin and had some breakfast. had some deep. conversations um just a recap of what. happened started talking about some of. my goals a little bit which I will get. into. but you. know I think we were both kind of on the. edge there on the day two it was a rough. night I don't think any of us got any. sleep it was freezing cold that cabin.

was heated by a wood stove so it's 90°. out then it's 20° put some wood in 90°. and and anyways plus all the thoughts. you know that we going through our heads. all night long. and I had asked you I said nick uh do. you want to do this. again and you did you I don't think you. did want to do it no I was hesitant I no. I wasn't even hesitant I had kind of. made my mind up that I was not going to. do it again um that morning I just dude.

I don't I just wasn't feeling well like. not like oh I'm sick my mind was just I. was I think I was still trying to. process. everything and uh I had a lot of. different feelings and emotions that. were running through me and I just. didn't know if I was ready to to try to. do that again I didn't want to overwhelm. myself. and uh yeah so I was kind of like in my.

mind I told myself you know I'm just. going to I'm just going to be here and. hold space for Shawn if he decides he. wants to do some. more and. uh yeah you and I kind of talked about. it cuz he' asked me and I think from. there you were like well I'm [ __ ]. here to do work. so and uh you did you would ask you said. are you doing it again I said you know. ideally I'd like the entire day to. process yesterday but unfortunately. we're limited on time you're leaving.

tomorrow and I said I had we have had. this time set aside for months yeah I. think we've had it set aside for four or. five months MH and I said I'm down here. to do work I'm down here to dig deep I. don't care how uncomfortable it gets I. want to do I want to work on myself and. I want to dig deep and I want. to achieve what I came down here for. whatever it may be and. so at that point I think I kind of.

convinced you and um so we weighed out. another six G of psilocybin y started. with. six. and this one hit me a little different. me too being honest with you but once. again we had set our setting we decided. we're going to go to this waterfall. and be immersed in nature this was. daytime not nighttime we set a campfire.

over there sat in front of the waterfall. went. back took the next dose to psilocybin. the six G and I said hey Nick you want. to go on a let's just go on a hike it's. going to take a minute for this stuff to. kick in so we hiked up to the to this. waterfall came down across the. stream and right as we cross this right. as we were crossing the stream it. started hitting me mhm and.

um we kind of we' sat down in the chairs. you know looking right at this waterfall. and and I'll kick it over to you what. what were you experiencing yeah I. started to feel it pretty quicker than I. had the night prior um and it uh but it. was different like it was a different it. was it's hard to explain but it was a. really it was different feeling it was a. different. experience and um I think we probably.

sat there in total silence for a solid. 30 probably 30. minutes and at that point I think you. got up and you mentioned something about. like hey I'm going to go I'm going to go. for a. walk and I think I even started like. grabbing my stuff and I was just going. to I was going to go with you but. something told me like that I needed to. just stay. there and uh so I told you I was like. I'll catch up with you you know later or.

whatever and so. you you went on and to do your thing and. I don't even think you had like really. got I mean did you even got 30 40 yards. away and I just I just broke down dude I. just yeah I just started crying man what. did you break down about. I you know I I I think it was.

just I had. basically looked back like I had taken. everything that had taken place over the. last. year and it was almost like in a fast. forward mode but everything just played. through my head and that that 30 minute. time where we were. just in silence you know staring at the. waterfall. and I was I think I was just so. overwhelmed with emotions that it was.

just uncontrollable like it just I just. crying can't even tell you why like I. can't even there wasn't anything at that. moment if you were standing you're like. why are you crying I wouldn't have been. able to give you an answer and be like. this is why didn't even know I just I. just knew that I was overwhelmed with. emotions and so I sat there and I cried. I don't know 15. minutes and I decided I was going to go.

uh I was going to go back to the cabin. so I got up and I walked and I think I. was just you know I was in. tears on the whole walk back to the. cabin and. uh thinking man I really hope I don't. run into this dude because. he's you know me yeah why I don't know. man it was just like this I don't know I. just didn't want you to see me like that. and I don't want you to worry you know. what I mean I didn't want you to see me. and you be having whatever experience.

you were having on your journey and it. to have an effect on that you know what. I mean so I was kind of trying to almost. I wanted to protect you I didn't want me. to my what I was dealing with at that. moment to have a negative effect on your. experience and. uh so when I got back before I went into. the cabin I made sure you weren't in. there like just trying of check looked. in there. and you weren't and so I kind of went in. there and I sat in the chair and I. didn't turn any lights on I just just.

kind of sat there man and I I practiced. what you had told me the night before. about sitting with your. thoughts and just being present with. them because I think I I've kind of. gotten into the. habit. of when some of these thoughts and these. emotions start to come on and they they. become overwhelming I've gotten really.

good at finding things to distract me. from. them I'll make my I'll find things to. make myself busy you. know and uh it allows me to not have to. deal with those things it allows me to. not have to face them at that moment I. know they're going to come back but it. buys me time. and uh so I I was like you know what I'm. going to try. this and uh I just sat there man and I.

just [ __ ]. bald I was like. sobbing and I was I just had all these. different thoughts what was it was it. about your family it was about a lot of. it was about my family but it. was some of the things were that I was. playing in my head were moments in my. life where I felt like I had f. failed and feeling like a a failure in a. lot of. ways and uh started to go back to that.

those thoughts again. of. the the not deserving peace that we. talked about and wondering. why why my wife is with me you. know and uh feeling like I just want. I want so much more for her and almost.

convincing myself that I am unable to. provide. that and uh I sat with those thoughts. for a while kind of hoping you wouldn't. come back because of the the state I was. in and uh I think I kind of heard you. this is it was probably an. hour from the time I had sat down in. that chair to the time that. [Music]. you you'd come back and I think I was.

like I want to go outside and I want to. try doing this outside so I walked. outside and I sat in the chair where we. I was sitting the night prior where we. had the fire set. up and uh I continued to do it. there and at some. point I started to feel like a. shift in my. thoughts really yeah and I don't know if. it had something to do with the.

environment being with nature I don't. know dude I I really don't know what it. was like a good shift yeah. yeah and. uh shortly thereafter you know I was. like it started to go from that really. dark negative place and it started to. shift over to positive and then it. slowly started gaining. momentum and then right about that time.

shortly thereafter you got back from I. think you were out on a walk or a hike. and you got. back and you saw me sitting there but I. don't think you I think you just wanted. to let me you know just be and so you. passed by me and I heard you go going to. the door of the. cabin and uh. I don't know why but I just felt this. urge to come in and talk to. you and.

I I came. in and uh I was like how you doing man. you know asked how you how you were. doing and just trying to gauge what. you're Journey was was like and. uh I think your exact words are I'm. feeling really [ __ ]. [Laughter]. good I was and and uh you're like I. needed. this and uh I don't even know what what.

really triggered it man I'm trying to. think if it's something that I said or. something you. said and uh I think I just I think I. just started balling dude I started. crying you. did yeah I think I just started crying. and you were like what what's up what. what's going on like you were. concerned and I just started like. spilling my guts dude all the thoughts. and the emotions and the things that. that I was thinking about the things. that were like had been bringing me down.

I just was like for some reason I just. felt the strong urge to share them with. you you. know and. uh yeah dude the conversation that took. place from there was. like mindblowing I mean. dude we so. the things that. I that I told you were about my wife and.

how I just I mean I think the world of. my wife and I mean I I'm so dude I'm so. fortunate like I'm so lucky to have met. her and to have her in my life and to be. able to call her my wife like there's so. many times where I'm like I do not. deserve I don't know how she puts up. with my [ __ ] but I do not deserve this. woman uh and there's been times man. where like I remember us like her and I. having conversations where she's like. what do I have to do to prove to you. that I love you and I know that she.

loves me I knew I've always known that. she loves me you know or she wouldn't. have married me I'm it's not like I'm. holding a gun to her head or I got all. kinds of money you know or anything like. that like I knew that she loved me but I. think it was trying to wrap my head. around I couldn't. understand why somebody would want to be. with me why somebody would love me. and maybe it's because I I can. see this broad picture and of my life.

and I can pinpoint the failures or the. things that I've done wrong in my life. you know and I ask myself how how can. this person how could anyone want want. to love me unconditionally you. know. and I think we we started talking about. that we started talking about. my son who's now in a different state. which I struggle with a lot I do. everything I can to have as close of a.

relationship as I can with him his mom. and I have a great relationship which. helps all of that you. know and uh I told you a little bit. about that and then as my daughter who. just turned two you know I want her to I. want to give. her the childhood that I never had you. know yeah and. I just dude I just was like spilling my. guts and you were just dude you were. like you were so laser sharp dude it's.

like you were staring right at. me and I don't think you ever like it. was like if you could freaking if your. eyes had lasers you were like burning a. hole into me that's how like just. focused you were I was I I'll never. forget that feeling it was. like it's like you didn't even blink but. you were so focused on what I was. saying and you. listened you just. listened and I was carrying on with this.

I was having an episode dude yeah was. having an. episode and you were. like this is. good and I'm like wasn't the reaction it. wasn't what I was expecting to hear you. know and you're like we're getting. somewhere you know and uh at that point. you let. into dude your wife loves you bro and. you gave me all the.

reasons in your eyes why she loves. me and uh I mean dude I just got like I. got so emotional and you were like you. deserve all of this like don't you it. was kind of like that tough love like. that big brother you know and you were. like don't you [ __ ] get. it like you deserve this. just accept it all you got to do is take.

it. and dude that that shift that I told you. about where it kind of. like started to go from those those deep. dark thoughts to. positive it went from that little. shift to just a complete. breakthrough and I was like. I was dude I was. like oh my.

God like oh my God and that was like. honestly dude the very first. moment that I've could. truly realize understand and. accept that like my wife loves me for me. like. just whatever I am. like for me. dude and. uh I just I I I could I and you were.

just just like you're smiling right now. as I sat there because you could see. this unfolding right in front of your. eyes and just the way you're looking at. me right now you were just staring at me. and I was like it was like I just. discovered a. secret. that I I I'd been left out of my entire. life life you know and uh I was like. holy [ __ ] and we're like we're out in. the middle of nowhere dude we got no.

cell phone service no nothing and I'm. just like I got to talk to my wife I. have to tell. her and I like I just wanted to thank. her like I was just like so this. overwhelming feeling of just. gratefulness I mean dude she's been. through so much we're hard hard people. to live with as it is dude like we're. difficult individual man yes we are and. I won't go down that road and all the. bore you with the details but dude she's.

been through so. much and uh she's never wavered bro. she's stuck by my side the whole. time willingly there was nothing else. for her there was no ulterior motive. there was nothing that she was to gain. by doing that other than she just love. me she loves. me. and I was like man I just feel feel like. I need to like go to town just to get. service so I can tell her this like I. just I had this strong urge like I got.

to tell her and you were like here take. the. keys and as a matter of fact you don't. have to go all the way to. town and uh yeah dude I went to a little. spot where I was able to get just enough. service to call. her and uh. how was that.

conversation. amazing. yeah and. so I was just transparent with her dude. I told her exactly what was on my. heart you. know exactly what I was. feeling think she was kind of taken back. for she was it was a surprise one she. didn't expect a call from me because she. knew that we were going to be in an area.

with no cell phone coverage so I think. initially she was is everything okay are. you good you know and once I eased her. mind yeah yeah I said I just needed to. call you and I wanted to talk I want to. talk to you do do you have a minute and. uh you know I know she had her her. family her parents were were at my house. visiting that weekend and I knew that so. I said do you do you have a minute to. talk in. private she said yeah yeah yeah so she.

you know went in the room and I just did. I just let her know I told her I was. like all this time all these. years it's not that I I didn't believe. you it's that I couldn't understand why. you would want me you know and maybe it. was the self-worth factor maybe that's. what it was. and that conversation dude like that. whole. weekend that to be the the culminating.

thing it's made our like our marriage. like that that just I mean dude it was. like a superpower like it just. strengthened our marriage so much she. was so like I think she was so. appreciative. that I was able to bring that like to. just speak she could tell I was just. speaking what was on my heart and I. think she was just she was kind of blown. away but I think she appreciated it so.

much and was so happy that I had finally. come to this. realization and she was like yeah I. do I do and I'm not going. anywhere. damn and she was. like yeah she was like uh just keep. doing what you're doing because you're. on the right. path. and and I know I know that you can do.

this you. know I. mean dude 6 months. ago she was getting the guns out of the. house and was making phone calls to get. me into a brain Clinic because I was. suicidal and I was. I I almost checked out. dude and.

uh looking. back and just seeing how all this has. played out I think that she was just. like you're on the right. track you can do this and when she said. that dude I like when she said you can. do this and I'm not going. anywhere man that s sense of. relief was just like holy crap you.

know it was. everything it was. everything and uh man I hung up that. phone and I just sat there for a minute. and I was like. wow wow you. know and so I came back I came back down. to the cabin I was in such a good mood. dude I was. like I think I said to you I'm so glad.

that we decided to do this again. today and. uh you know I just have had a weeks to. to reflect on that and to process. everything and I just can't. believe what what it did I mean dude. just psychedelic my my the experience. exp the experiences I've had with. psychedelics in general. have opened me.

up far beyond what I ever imagined yeah. me too you know me. too and so come back to the cabin and I. think we were both just. like like I think I came back. and I told you how the conversation went. and we were just looking at each other I. think you you were making pizza or. something in the in the. kitchen and uh I think I hugged.

you yeah we did. yeah you know but it's interesting. because I remember I remember that. morning we were eating. breakfast. and I had felt like you had got a lot. out of our conversation that night the. empowerment. conversation and in the. morning we were having breakfast we we. were talking about our experience and I.

remember you saying I. remember feeling that you didn't think. that you'd got what you wanted out of it. and we had a conversation about that. yeah yeah I remember now. and. and I remember telling you I was like. Nick how can you say. that and and you're like well I was kind. of expecting and I was like exactly you. were expecting I was like the experience.

what you experienc wasn't what you had. expected to experience but maybe it was. actually better than what you expected. because look at what happened yeah look. at all the things that we figured out. and I I think that a lot of people that. experiment with psychedelics are are are. waiting for this grandiose visualization. of of. whatever or hallucination and and lots. of bright colors and pink elephants and. [ __ ] and with me you know in the times.

that I've done this I don't I yes I get. some visuals you know and I've described. those in another episode but I don't get. a lot of visuals what I get is a very I. get. a I go to a higher level of. Consciousness yep and I become extremely. intuitive and. Clarity I don't think I could be more. clear in my thoughts and I had conveyed.

that to you I said Nick maybe maybe you. didn't get what you wanted but you got. what you needed I was and and and. replayed our conversation and and I I. think that shifted your perspective. immediately and you're like [ __ ] I think. I think you're right Y and maybe what. you expected is what you wanted but. that's not what you got yeah. and I'm glad we had that conversation. because and I also remember when you.

came back when I came back to the cabin. from my walk I remember I handed you the. silos iin and I said you need to take. more this is good we're getting. somewhere. mhm and this is something you need to. face and. um honestly I can't remember if you took. her or not but that's irrelevant because. you did you did exactly what you needed. to do and it came to you and um so I'm.

going to backtrack to kind of my. experience of the waterfall if you don't. mind but we're sitting there and again. I I just I felt your presence next to me. not that that's a bad thing but I really. needed to be by. myself. and but I wanted to I wanted to observe. nature at that time and I started so I. began to do breathing exercise. again and I tried meditation eyes closed.

eyes open and I could feel I could feel. it manifesting itself inside of me but I. wasn't getting anything. yet. and the first thing I that happened was. I started to feel the Oneness. again I had not felt the Oneness meaning. everything is one since since I did my 5.

Meo um with Trevor mhm I I take that. back I felt it one time in very very. deep meditation for. maybe literally 2 seconds and then it. went away because I tried to look. further into it yep I tried to I knew. what I was experiencing and I wanted to. experience it more and then as soon as I. did that it went away and I never felt. it again until we were sitting in front. of the waterfall that day and what I. felt was that all.

motion was going all mo everything that. was happening in front of me was all. going at the exact same. speed the Flies the stream the gravity. pulling the water down the waterfall I. felt everything was going the exact at. the exact same rate of speed just in. different directions and I could see. once again how everything is perfectly. in tune and. connected right when I felt.

that. Jesus's. face. appeared in a. rock on the. waterfall where the water was splitting. over his head and going down both sides. and he had the crown with the thorns. on and I remember looking at it at.

him in. disbelief and and I kept closing my eyes. and opening my eyes it's still. there and I look away and look at. something else for a little while and. then look back and he's still there and. we've looked at that waterfall probably. a thousand times before. and it's.

almost and. and I was just in total disbelief even. even knowing what I was. seeing and to be completely honest still. to this day um I have a hard time with. it and um I just I just I cannot help it. I struggle I strle with my faith. and I just kept looking at it I kept. looking at it at him and I was like holy.

[ __ ] me and Nick talked about. this I almost made this my intention but. I didn't and I don't think I'm ready for. this but it's. here and I sat with it for a little bit. and I just kept staring staring staring. staring and it was not disappearing I. kept thinking maybe it's going to turn. into something else this is probably. just the.

psychedelics I'm not you know I'm not. this is just in my head I'm not supposed. to see this this isn't what I think it. is and and then I just sat with it and I. let it be. and but I still felt your presence I. felt your presence coming in again and. so that's when I got up and I decided. I'm I'm going to leave mhm and and I. just I didn't know where it was taking. me but I I was going to find out. and when I left I did that thought kind.

of went. away and I went on a hike through the. streams and I just started talking to. myself and I I was talking to myself. about manifestation again and we had had. a conversation about a nonprofit yeah. that. morning. and I've had a lot of people tell me you.

know Sean you need to start you need to. get into philanthropy you bring all. these people on the show you raise lots. of money you know for all these. different nonprofits which are great. nonprofits but I never really get to see. exactly where the funds. go. and it's been suggested I don't know how. many times and me and you had a. conversation and it clicked yeah it was. I was always I was it was always I don't.

have time I can't run another another. entity of this business it's it's it's. going to get in the way that's not for. me I can bring light to nonprofits that. are doing good I don't need this doesn't. have to be me. right and then you helped me. realize it's not going to be any more. work it's already here just like what we. talked about with what you're getting. ready to do taking the step it was it's. right here on a silver platter all you.

have to do is take it and start. it and so that that popped that. conversation popped into my head as I'm. talking to myself and and and. manifesting and remember that that. Crystal shop we went to and I got that. Crystal that. um that supposedly amplifies. manifestation and I just had it in my. hand and I was squeezing it and I was. putting it in the water and burying it.

in the dirt and putting in trees and and. just whole squeezing it squeezing it. talking about everything that I want to. do and in that when I do both times with. you actually every time I've done the. three time the three experiences that. I've had with psychedelics I lose. complete concept of time I have no idea. I don't know how long we were at the. waterfall I don't know how long I was on. my hike the. only I have no concept of time other.

than what the sun's doing mhm and and I. I had planned. out. every aspect of the nonprofit that I'm. going to start on that. hike I know what we're going to do I. know how I'm going to do it I know who. who's going to be with me I know who the. nonprofit's going to help I'm not going. to get into all that yet but um cuz it's.

not time the only thing that did not. come to me was the. name. and and it felt amazing it felt. amazing to have that Clarity to be able. to plan it was like putting the entire. business plan together every aspect of. it how we're going to reach people how. it's going to make money the right put. putting specific people in specific.

places within the nonprofit utilizing. their strengths and it'll also help the. people that are working for the. nonprofit it's going to help the it's. going to help a lot of people a lot of. people win-win for everyone it is and I. just came I I came to the realization. that it is it is right here in front of. you all you have to do is sign the paper.

and and so that's going to be put into. motion. immediately and. uh and then I. got overwhelmed with with happiness and. I I wanted to come back and and actually. I wanted to tell you about it and that's. when that's when when you know I came. back I saw you. weren't at the same place I was not even. close we had that.

conversation and you left you went to. the top of the mountain m uh to get. service and I decided I'm going to I. jumped in the shower and I just kept. thinking about it saying things out loud. what I'm going to do and I almost went. and made a. call to all the people to my entire team. to certain people that I wanted to imp. place within the nonprofit and and but I. didn't want to I was like nope now's not.

the time I'm going to sit with this I'm. going to keep. developing and and I'm going to see what. else has come I'm on a roll I have more. clarity than I've ever had. MH I'm ready to dig. deeper so I took. more I took about another three grams I. think yeah I think that's what you told. me. and and then I felt this I got out of. the.

shower I knew you were hungry and uh. surprise surprise and I started um I. started the. pizza. but I just then I felt this. overwhelming desire to be immersed in. nature. again and so. I took all my clothes. off all of it and then I went for. another. hike completely naked through the.

woods and I started thinking about my. wife and my son and and all the. different ways that I love. him. and and I was thinking of new ways that. I could show them that I love them and. and and and and and uh and it was just a. good it was just a good place to be in I.

didn't it wasn't like I had any. epiphanies or anything it was more like. I was I was manifesting appreciation for. my family you know reliving you know not. reliving but old memories were popping. into my head from uh me and my son and. things that me and my wife have done and. things that I want to do with them and I. was I think what it was looking back is. this manifestation of of love and. appreciation for my family and. everything was coming back.

and and you came. back and. and you were hungry I wasn't really. hungry I had fasted I don't know if you. remember I had fasted um I didn't e much. at all. and for those two days I really wanted. to get the full effect of the siloc cyon. and and I got it and you came back you. told me about the conversation you had. with your wife Jillian you told me about.

the conversation you had with your son. Evan MH. and and then and then I felt the shift. immediately like almost immediately. after that conversation I I after I took. more and I laid back down same position. thinking it would go. away and this this wave. of of. fear of death and anxiety just.

overwhelmed every part of my. being and I got really scared I remember. you telling me I remember I think I. asked how you doing or I asked are you. okay or I don't know I could just sense. that something was a little. different and I think I remember. remember you telling. me that you were experiencing fear mhm. and I think I asked you fear of of.

what. then so I've had. um I've had. some weird stuff going on uh with with. my ear and. um my dad had some stuff going on with. it in the same area and it wound up. being some type of a growth that uh he. had got radiation for and I had like.

this overwhelming fear that that that's. what it. is and that it might be. cancerous and then I felt that I had a. very limited time left to. live and I wanted to I wanted to go home. and I didn't I did not want to. articulate that out loud I did not want. to put that into the world but I wanted. I wanted to talk you know I wanted to I. was hoping you would be able to Cal me.

down and so that's why I said man I'm. I'm like really feeling a lot of fear. right now mhm and I think I came and sat. over there by you. yeah you. did and I I explained to you what what I. was feeling why I was feeling like that. the history behind it we had a little. discussion and then and then I I think. I'd mentioned you I said I'm I just want. to be by.

myself and it took you went upstairs to. go to. bed and the fear just kept coming it. just kept coming in kept coming in and. it was. only I remember looking at my watch it. was about. 7:30 and I was I looked at my watch and. I was like man if we leave right now we. could still get home at a decent time I. just want to go home to my wife and son. I'm I don't want to do this anymore I. just Nick might be pissed but I don't. give a [ __ ] I'm going to wake him up. he's going to drive me home and like I.

just I just want to go home I just want. to be with my wife and. son. and and then I told myself I remembered. looking at you and saying now we're. getting somewhere when when you had the. shift yep and I said maybe you need to. face this you know it's I I just I I. feel the need to interject here because. and I never I didn't tell you this but I.

had that same. thought I had that same thought it's and. I can't remember exactly at what what. point in my. journey but I I wanted to. go and I never said anything cuz I. didn't want to disappoint. you and I think I just I I didn't to. face it I didn't want to face. it and I'm glad I didn't say it but with.

you saying this now CU I didn't know any. of this but with you saying this. now it's like I just I feel the the. desire to tell you because there's. something there's something to what. we're talking about and sitting with it. and facing it and I'm glad you didn't. come and wake me up cuz I I was tired so. I couldn't I just I wanted to face it I. I didn't know why I was like why is this.

happening you know should I be scared is. this something that's going to happen. and I turned it into like this reality. and i' put this limitation on myself. that man every [ __ ] second counts in. life every [ __ ] second counts I only. have so long to live now now that I you. know and I I had. just that's my journey that was my. journey at the time it was you're going.

to die because of this and which. hopefully I'm not you know and I'm. getting it checked out but at the time. you know and I think that I just like I. told you Nick I said you need to face. this this now we're getting somewhere I. thought of that conversation that me and. you had and I said well now it's time to. eat your own words it's great you're. feeling great you had a great journey up. to this point and now it's going to. shift and you're going to have to face. whatever this is.

and and and I faced it all night long. all night long I lived with that fear. what am I going to do what is what. matters and you know what happened you. know what I [ __ ] realized that none. of this [ __ ] matters none of the [ __ ]. nothing matters more than my family and. the people that are close to me and all. the other shiny little [ __ ] that. comes along with with with business and. and all of it none of this [ __ ] matters.

none of it [ __ ] matters because when. it when it comes. time and you're going to be on your. deathbed you're not going to be thinking. about the car you were driving the car. the house the money any of that [ __ ]. what you think you should get you know. all the everything that you see on the. internet the keeping up with the Joneses. [ __ ] none of it [ __ ] matters numbers. don't matter for the show I don't care.

about any of that stuff none of it. became relevant anymore I didn't care. about what the audience wants I didn't. care about any who's coming on the show. nothing the only thing that I cared. about was being with my wife and my son. and. so I think in a in a weird way it was. almost like an a ego death experience.

because it brought me to my. knees in fear and the only thing I cared. about the only thing I cared. about the only thing I cared about. was I didn't want to leave my my wife. and my son alone in this. world and I wanted to take.

every second I could to prepare them for. my. departure and looking. back in my original. intention I got everything I asked. for I wanted Direction I wanted new. goals and I found them to Empower. people face to face people that I know. that are close to me that are. struggling and keep empowering people on.

this. show the. nonprofit is my new. Direction and my family is the most. important thing in the world in the. universe in everything that's all that. really matters absolutely and. so and that's what I wanted I wanted new. ways to show my wife and my son that I. love them I wanted to be in the moment. again I wanted Direction all the things.

that I just mentioned and it all came it. just didn't come how I expected it to. come you know. man and and I woke up it was better it. was better than you expected it was it. was better it was horrible experience at. that time that particular at the end of. my journey there that entire night it. was. miserable I felt a lot of fear I felt a. lot of anxiety I basically had ridden.

myself off that I'm going to die and. it's coming soon and then I need to. spend every second I have with my wife. and son. and and the people that I care about and. none of the other [ __ ] matters and I. realized the simpler things are the. better things seem to get. and I don't think I slept a wink that. night I woke up uh I got out of bed uh. very early and I wanted to do this.

before you woke. up and I wrote my life I wrote Katie a. long. letter I wrote it to her I folded it up. I put my intentions that I written down. in that. letter and then I take. a note that she wrote me that said I. love. you that I. uh that I brought.

down cuz I just wanted to think about. her and my son the whole time I was down. there and that's why I brought that note. it was a note that we had uh she had. taped it on something a long time ago. and I just I just kept it and uh and I. taped it uh on the back of on the back. of my. intentions and uh and then we cleaned. everything.

up and we drove. home and then you. left and I uh I just put the letter I. just I gave it to her and. um she read it right in front of me and. uh everything I needed to be in there. was in there and it was very uh similar. to the conversation we had it. wasn't it wasn't a lot of words but it. was very meaningful and very direct and.

and very clear communication and. um it's a moment that I'll never. forget coming home that day and and. giving her that and. um what a beautiful experience that's. powerful man that's powerful I'm just. dude I'm so grateful to have got to. experience it with you I'm dude I'm just. so happy that you you got what you got.

out of it and I'm happy I got what I got. out of it and uh I just hope. that it uh just gives some perspective. to the audience and and hopefully. helps helps them um I mean dude I don't. I still don't think you quite realize. the impact that you have on people and. how much you. help people Their audience the viewers I.

mean not just the guys and the girls. that come on this show but I mean just. people that just see it from a third. party perspective you. know well thank you man. and I get a lot of emails and texts and. phone calls and from people that I know. and people that I don't know telling. me telling me how much this show is. impacting them and and I'm going to be.

honest I'll never see. it and that's okay you know I don't have. to see it I know it's I know it's. impacting. someone and you know the other thing. that this weekend you know made me. realize even more I've always known this. and I. never I feel that I'm. I'm I'm a very grounded. person. but it just made me realize Nick that it.

doesn't [ __ ] matter man who gives a. [ __ ] if I have a million subscribers MH. who gives a [ __ ] if this episode gets a. million views who [ __ ] cares that's. just [ __ ] that's feeding your. [ __ ] ego and your ego. can be the. enemy it can help you I guess but it. feeds it and when you realize none of.

this [ __ ] matters the only [ __ ] thing. that matters about this show is the. people that's impacting it's not the. [ __ ] people that just want to hear. War Stories over and over and fantasize. about those War Stories cuz there's a. lot of that mhm it's not for them they. get enjoyment out of that and that's. [ __ ] great but what I get out of. this is whoever this is impacting and I. know it's impacting somebody and I'll. never realiz I will never really.

understand the full magnitude of what. it's. done and maybe I'm not supposed to. but it just goes back to just [ __ ] do. good you know there are lots of. different ways to do good and to pump. good into this world and there so much. [ __ ] negativity in this world right. now I feel like evil is just taking over. it don't let it take you and leave a.

[ __ ]. Mark you know I know life's tough we all. feel the pressure sometimes I feel like. life sometimes I feel like we're living. in hell yeah I think we had that. conversation we did I got to tell you go. ahead but just just just [ __ ] make. this world better than when you left it. you know and do something impactful help. somebody do something quit being selfish.

all the time it's okay to be selfish at. certain times but if you inject good. into this world it's going to come back. to you it's going to come back to the. people around you and it's going to suit. you well and you know another one last. thing that I. had in the middle of all that. fear I thought about why I why I do this.

show and why I bring the people I bring. on and and you know I'm very strategic I. don't that's I don't go after the. [ __ ] celebrities I don't give a [ __ ]. about celebrities I don't [ __ ] care. about numbers I look at all these other. podcasters what are they all doing. they're all copying each other they're. all trying to get the same [ __ ] asked. and do the same [ __ ] it's the same names. over and over but not this one this. one's unique this one's for.

better and it made me realize we talked. a lot about. manifestation and what I think I'm. manifesting is what happens on the other. side of this life and I'm pumping as. much good as I possibly can into this. world. world. manifesting what's on the other end of. this for me and my. family and that's all I care.

about that's. huge I got to tell you man I've known. you probably going. on can't even believe it's been almost. probably seven eight years. now you've come a long way. dude youve come a long way and the best. way. possible I'm just proud to know you and. call you a friend man I really am thank. you yeah yeah man you too brother yeah I.

love you I love you too man and. uh I know that probably won't be our. only experience and I'm looking forward. to a. future and just all of it man when we. need need it when we need it'll be there. we both got. two two young kids watching them grow. together and it's just all.

amazing well we know what I'm going to. be working. towards the nonprofit yeah and um I. think that's coming by the end of this. year but let's talk about what you're. working towards now you have found your. piece on how you're going to inject good. into this world. and I think it's amazing what you're. about to embark on do you want to talk. about it yes so.

uh I'll kind of just start out by. talking about kind of how I got to this. new career path and lot of. work so I unexpectedly uh underwent a. fifth spine surgery back in uh I think. it was June or July of last year and uh. I had to spend a lot of time healing. trying to recover I think it was like. five months four or five.

months and uh I knew that I wanted. something more I enjoyed the fishing. industry and that business and what I. was able to do by helping guys and. uh I just knew that with my physical. injuries the longevity of me continuing. to do that it wasn't there and I knew. that I wanted to do. something but I wanted it to be. meaningful and impactful and I wanted it. to help others regardless like I said.

earlier regardless of what I'm doing I. want to help others and so dude I. brainstormed and I I knew that I wanted. to stay in the realm of. Entrepreneurship and it's like once you. get a taste of that you're never going. back to a regular job and uh dude I went. through every single thing you can. imagine in just trying. to discover and and figure out what I. want to be when I grow up you.

know and. uh I uh it was it was there um but in. short I. so back up when I got out of the Marine. Corps the Marine Corps military in. general but more spefic specifically the. Marine Corps does not do a very good. job with helping guys their transition. out in several different ways but in.

this way I'll explain it with giving. guys information regarding benefits that. they've earned and how to either obtain. or maintain those benefits when they get. out one of those things being what they. call sgli so when you're in the military. you have what's called sgli service. members group life insurance you get a. $400,000 life insurance policy so if. you're killed in combat or if you die in.

training regardless of what it is if. it's a natural death your family's going. to receive. $400,000 which no it doesn't bring you. back but it makes things a little bit. easier for them to properly mourn your. death and to not have to worry about how. they're going to deal with. finances how they're going to put food. on the table how they're going to pay. pay bills. right when you get out when you. retire from the military sgli can be. converted to what's called.

vgli it's veterans group life. insurance you can maintain that $400,000. life insurance if you decide to do so. now you will pay a premium for it. however there are no health questions. there's no medical exam and you and I. both know guys like us after spending. your career in the military during a. time of War there's going to be some. ailments both physical and mental and uh.

these are what most insurance companies. they don't really like to see these. things so it guarantees you to have this. insurance unfortunately you only have. 120 days from the time that you get out. of the military to transfer that I. wasn't told this didn't know about it. once the 120-day Mark has come it's gone. that ship is sailed you're not getting. that money. back I didn't know this I lost it and I.

spent seven years from that time trying. to get life insurance to protect my. family in the event that something were. ever to happen to me and I couldn't get. it I got denied Time After Time After. Time over and over again and I was told. no you have TBI you have PTSD you're on. this. medication and so I just kind of. accepted the fact that I would never be.

able to provide my family with the peace. of mind and that protection if something. would ever happened to. me and. uh that short stent that I spent in. Tennessee I actually met a guy he's. become a pretty good friend of mine and. uh he's in a life insurance. industry I met him through the fishing. community and I told him what was going. on and I said dude what what do I need.

to do and he. said I can't promise you how much. coverage I'll get you but I promise you. I'll get you. something and uh he came to my house he. sat down at the table with my wife and. I and we. talked and. and long story short he got me. coverage the things that I was being. denied for are not.

disqualifying they're not they don't. disqualify you from getting life. insurance but I didn't know any better. because I wasn't working with a life. insurance agent that knew what they were. doing so it was a matter of meeting. somebody an agent who knew what he was. doing and was willing to seek out. options to help me and my family. family and so he got me coverage and I'm. like holy [ __ ] well I didn't know any. better dude I was going through like I.

I'll just I'll be honest I was going. through like USAA and navy Mutual. because these were companies that were. affiliated with the military and they. were advertising themselves as people. that care about the military Navy. Federal you mean no Navy Mutual Navy. Mutual it's specifically an insurance. company oh notur it no anybody out there. with Federal I love you guys best. banking ever but anyways um no um Navy. mutual and. USAA and.

uh I didn't know any better than just I. didn't know anything about it but that's. who I went through and uh it turns out. the ones that were advertising. themselves to support the military and. help the military weren't doing it so. fast. forward over the years since I gained. coverage I can't tell you how many. people I've met guys not just people in. the military not just veterans just. people in general who have been denied. coverage a lot of my my veteran friends. military friends they don't have.

coverage today they were in the same. boat they're like dude I didn't know. anything about the vgli nobody told me. any of that when I was getting out that. I had to like transfer this and that I. could have kept my life insurance and I. I've you know for years now I've been. worrying about what happens if something. what is my family going to do if. something happens to me and uh so so. fast forward to those four months after. my surgery while I'm healing I'm I'm. recovering and within like a week and a.

half's. time just randomly I cross path with. three people in that in that week and a. half time frame that were. like hey have you ever you ever. considered selling life. insurance no no why why do you ask you. know what what prompted that question. well I just think youd be really good at. it like really good at it and you know. with your background and you know they. don't know anything about like what I. went through trying to get life.

insurance they just were saying this and. these weren't even people that know me. and it happened three times in a week. and a half and after the third time I'm. like. okay I don't know if I am interested in. life. insurance because I really don't know. enough about it but I feel like I could. possibly be getting recruited here so. let me call my friend the guy that ended. up getting me coverage because I know. he'll shoot me straight and so I called.

him and we had a long conversation and I. just had a lot of questions because I. didn't know anything about the industry. I didn't know anything about what it. entailed and that conversation led to my. decision to get into the life insurance. industry I'm like I can help people you. know not just the guys that I know who. are out there who've been denied because. you know they have a head injury you. know or because they have PTSD you know.

when I got denied by Navy Mutual I'm. like let me get this trait so I'm denied. for PTSD they're like yes sir like you. do realize we've been at War for some. odd years right and I'm like you know. that you guys are navy Mutual like. you this is who you say you support. correct it's the military the mil milary. goes to war to defend your sorry asses y. it's a shill it is and I I I you know.

I'm I'm just talking I'm not talking to. anybody that's making decisions yeah you. know so this person's unable to do. anything but I'm just telling them like. you do realize there's a very large. population of veterans that everybody's. got some degree of some kind of. post-traumatic stress you know some are. a little more severe than others but. like if that's a a disqualifying Factor. like what are you guys doing you know. yeah what did they say we only do they. just kind of gave me the Runar around. and yeah it's just you know oh you know.

I'm like and and here's the thing if. they're worried about if they're worried. about mental illness whatever you want. to call it there's a clause in all life. insurance policy so you know everybody's. well aware of the suicide. rate specifically in veterans and. there's a Clause that within 2 years of. getting coverage if you commit suicide. they're not going to pay that out so.

there's protection in place for them. it's not like they're just giving this. coverage to somebody and if they off. themselves well they're just you know. what I mean yeah there's a clause in. place for that and there's reasons for. it and I understand it you know so that. was just something that it constantly. like ran through my head and I'm like no. and like these folks that just the ones. that I know I know there's a ton more of. them out there if I can help provide the. education that they need and show them.

that no you can get protection for your. family because that's what a lot of. people don't understand I don't need. life insurance well no you're not. planning I'm not planning on dying. tomorrow you're not planning on dying. tomorrow but guess what it's not the. coverage isn't for you it's for your. family for when you're gone and you we. can't control when that time is yeah. we'd all love to die of natural causes. at the age of 90 in our bed you know but. I could die tomorrow driving down the. road yeah you don't control that so.

that's what I'm doing man I I made the. decision and I said I'm going to help. people and it's not just veterans it's. it's anybody out there that wants. coverage to protect their family and. it's very important and. I said I'm going to take this exam and I. was told you know hey this exam is. Pretty Tough you're going to need to. study for it it could take you 3 to four. weeks of studying the prep course before. you're ready to take the.

exam um I said Roger that I'm I'm. prepared to invest that time to pass the. exam and I'm the type of person dude and. you probably know me well enough by now. but like when I make my mind up about. something I get super. hyperfocused and I can't think about. anything else yeah until I accomplished. that and I did that and after 8 days of. studying I took that exam and I crushed.

it dude when I that's unheard of right I. mean exam yeah I mean talking to the. guys that you I'm working with now. they're like yeah that's that's funny I. was talking to my buddy yesterday. and when I when I passed the exam and I. sent him the the pict sure he's he told. the the main guy at The Brokerage and. the guy was like wait he already took it. so yeah it was like kind of a shock they.

were happy they were excited for me. but uh yeah man and what's crazy is like. while I was studying for that I. constantly got back into the I allowed. myself to get into. those those negative thought patterns. of I'm not GNA be able to retain this. knowledge because of my memory issues.

with my my head injuries I'm not going. to be able to pass this like just trying. to and I just kept pushing through that. like I had just like weeding through. that [ __ ] I'm like I just was so. hyperfocused that like you know what. even if I do fail like I'm going down. swinging you know and dude when. I when I passed that exam and. I there's a really I'll never forget. like the old man that was working there. at the at the main at the desk there at.

the testing. center and he was. like man he's like cuz when I got out of. the testing center the lady that's there. proctoring everything she goes okay if. you go up to the front Mr so and so. he'll print out the results for you and. you can go and so walk up there and he's. like how'd it go and I said I don't know. hopefully good and he grabbed. the results off the printer and he goes. man you knocked it out of the.

park and. dude when I got to my truck I called my. wife and I was just like. crying cuz the mind is such a powerful. thing dude like if you know what I mean. we can we have the ability to do so much. but we're just causing constantly. allowing these self-limiting. thoughts get in our way yep and it was. like the feeling of relief man like I.

was so happy like they were all like. just tears of just happiness and joy and. I was like I can't believe I did. it and like while I was happy for me I. was more happy because I'm. like this is the. gateway to helping. people you know what I mean. yeah and so yeah man so that's what I'm. doing now um I took my exam I'm in the. midst of training uh just got done with.

with uh with some training and whatnot. and uh I'm pretty much hitting the. ground running you know um got a couple. more weeks or a couple more days this. week I'm going to be uh training with. the company that the broker that I'm. working with and uh it's really exciting. dude I'm super pumped it's like that and. you know that weekend that we just. talked about it just completely. rejuvenated me I was kind of like I knew. that I wanted to do this but those those.

self-limiting talks to myself are are. what were holding me back human beings. are amazing at putting limitations on. themselves when really there are no. limitations no the sky's is the limit it. sounds so cliche but it's true you. determine what the limit is you're one. step away from changing ing your entire. life yeah into a better life you just. have to walk through the door yeah it's. right. there and it's funny because you know my.

my coach my mentor you know when you. when you get into this business you know. everybody's got to fall under an. umbrella it's kind of like in the real. estate you know industry like everybody. works under a main brokerage you just. have to you know you can't me as an. independent agent I cannot just reach. out to one of these companies and be. like okay hey I'm so and so I want to. get life insurance on you know Mr Jones. and they'd be like who are you it has to.

be contracted through a. brokerage and uh you know working. with my mentor it's it's been amazing. and um he's like man he's like you you. have a way of speaking with people and. building a relationship and a rapport. that's just so genuine and he's used the. word. communicate he didn't even know he. really he didn't even know the. conversation we had wow and he's like.

your communication skills because part. of the training is like it's not just. you're sitting in a classroom like. you're actually going out and working in. the field and you're meeting these. people face to. face and I watch the processes you watch. how he does it and then once you kind of. gain a grasp of that and you start doing. it and then they they critique you on. it and he he brought that up and I was. just. like another coincidence you know but I.

took that and I'm. like I'm ready like I am ready dude and. the sky's a limit and uh I mean this. just aligns with everything I'm about. you know I never I. never I don't think 10 15 years ago I. could have ever looked forward and be. like yep I'm going to be in sales. I'm going to be in sales cuz dude sales. is scary man like it's you know it's. commission based and you don't it's. never for sure thing. and I don't you know it's like man some.

salesman are just skis balls man you. know but the thing is is like I'm not. I'm not selling a tangible item I'm. selling protection to people and their. families and I'm helping them and uh who. can't get it anywhere else right right. do you know how many veterans you're. going to help dude and that's that's the. Epiphany that I had when all this kind. of came to fruition it was like an. epiphany and I'm like oh my God and I. think I posted something on my social. media about what I was doing you know.

how many veterans reached out to me and. were like dude I posted something and I. had I had half a dozen wives of guys. that I've served with that are like we. need to talk I haven't been able to get. you know I haven't been able to get Mike. insurance and he's been denied and you. know he was he was deemed uninsurable. you know I know I know him I know what. he's got it's the same [ __ ] I had the. same reasons I was denied you know yeah.

and I know his wife's worried about it. you know so I'm excited man I'm I'm I'm. super. pumped and I'm just looking forward to. the. future and I feel like I'm on the right. path you know you're on the right path. man it's meaningful it's mutual. beneficial mhm you're pumping a ton of. good into the World by getting these. guys life insurance when nobody else. will give it to. him and you built the momentum on that.

weekend and you took off like a shot out. of it's it's awesome to see yeah and. um you know man I. just I'll never forget that weekend no I. won't. either I won't either man and um. we'll be watching all your links they're. down in the description do you have a. website out yet yeah so it's www.

patrioti. group.com so www. Patriot lifegroup.com. Doom y well I think a lot of people are. going to be getting in touch with you. man and uh I can't wait to see where. that goes and um and with me one other. the one other thing that happened to me. that wasn't on my list was I was just. showing that I do have a relationship. with. God it wasn't what I thought it was and.

it wasn't what I expected and we went. over that mhm I was waiting for this big. Epiphany to happen you know and and like. what happened to Eddie Penny and that. didn't happen to me it happened in other. ways and it happened a thousand times. and I just and I knew it was happening I. just it's like I forced myself to not. believe it yeah and now I do and I know. it's going to be a lot of work to get to.

where I need to be with in that. relationship with God but I'm willing to. do. it and I started that weekend I think. it's only going to get better from here. and you mentioned that you didn't have. this Epiphany this big breakthrough. moment you know like Eddie did but I. think you're just starting to tap into. it man I think when that comes. you're going to be ready and it's going. to hit you like a ton of bricks in the. best way. possible I hope you're right and I just.

want to say thank you ma'am because you. planted a seed in my head that day and. it's growing and it's growing. fast but I love you. brother man. [Music]. hey everybody I'm Shawn Ryan click here. to subscribe to the Shawn Ryan Show. YouTube channel for the hottest and most.

compelling interviews that you will not. see anywhere else I've also made a. playlist of all the previous SRS. episodes so they're easy to find you can. find that right here.