Jonathan Wilson - Navy SEAL Operator | SRS #98

you know there are a lot of people out. there struggling these days with mental. health the. suicide epidemic just continues to. rise especially in the veteran community. and uh and they're at the top of that. list and that's my. community and man it seems like no. matter how much I try to shine light on.

that. or publicly explore different treatment. options or things that might help it. just doesn't seem to be. enough and. uh that's sad but it doesn't mean I'm. going to quit. trying and that's what this next episode. at least the back half is all about it. is about a former Navy. SEAL his mental health struggles when he. left active.

duty actually even while he's in active. duty and and what he's doing now to make. a difference and um I think this is. another one of those. things that if it takes. off could very well be the answer to all. this [ __ ] so please pay. attention and I want to say one other. thing you know this guy.

this isn't a nonprofit this is a. for-profit. but the message is just. incredible and to get this thing going. he needs some big investors and so if. you're somebody listening to the show. and you have Deep Pockets then. um I suggest you head down to the. description look at Envy. Health if you need a connection hit me. up I'd be happy to make it ladies and.

gentlemen it was a real honor to be able. to interview and get to know this. man please welcome former Navy. SEAL Mr Johnny. Wilson to the Sha Ryan. Show hey one last thing this NB Health. it's not just for veterans this is for. everybody it's a real problem and this. is a real solution check it out.

Johnny Wilson welcome to the show man. thanks brother good to see you good to. see for me hey it's my pleasure so we. got connected through Eddie Gallagher. that's right and Eddie called me up and. told me hey you you've got to meet this. guy Johnny Wilson he's got this new tech. coming out and it is saving tons and. tons of veterans lives you know there's. the big suicide epidemic happening.

within the veteran Community Y and um. and so it took a long time for us to. finally get to this point but I love. what you're doing man I really respect. it it's needed and and uh it's an honor. to have you here I appreciate it brother. thank you so we're going to dive into. all of that it'll be typical life story. starting at childhood going through your. entire career and and what led you into. Envy mind health which is which is the.

tech platform that monitors tell just. brief one like a three sentence snapshot. before we get started yeah yeah uh so we. take biometric information from. watches um voice and it's basically. Predictive Analytics we tell you where. you're trending in regards to your mind. are you up are you down no judgment uh. we give you a team swim buddy component. to support you on this journey because. we isolate when we don't do good like. you and I are best friends you reach out.

you're going to say you're fine and I. know you're lying but I don't know how. to help you so the whole premise is for. us to try to take advantage of. technology to help uh with mental health. man that. is really unique that's I can't wait to. get into that but let me give you an. introduction here real quick so Johnny. Wilson you're a former Navy SEAL you're. a family man you've been married to the. same woman for 20 years congratulations. thank you man that never happens.

especially in the SEAL Teams yeah you. are a father of five you spent time at. Seal Team 4 and Seal Team 10 multiple. deployments to both Iraq and Afghanistan. you then became a success a successful. Equity Trader for who who was it it's a. small company you probably not heard of. Goldman Sachs. yeah and co-founder of the seal Future. Foundation which led you into your new. Venture the founder of Envy mind health.

which we just spoke about recently and. your real passion now and mission is to. put a big as big of a dent as you can. into the veteran suicide epidemic yeah. 100% thank you for that you're welcome. we got a lot to cover let's do it but um. before we move on yeah got uh everybody. gets a. gift sweet thank you I can't come. returning oh on.

man so that logo right there came to me. in a psychedelic Journey Native American. Chief stuck it in my forehead and uh if. you look into what the feathers mean in. the Native American tribes it it's for. warriors and uh the different paintings. the different colors signify if you've. been wounded if you've taken lives so. the Red Feather red died feather means. you've been wounded in. combat and I think we all not just. veterans we've all been wounded so yes.

we have that's very cool man thank you. you're welcome thank you you got to open. that okay you have. to. yeah sweet so those are lared superfoods. performance. mushrooms gummies and those are. vigilance League gummies legal in all 50. states okay so thank you man I. appreciate it got some stickers in here. too yeah there's some stick but sweet.

but uh yeah I thought you might like. that lared superfoods all of it dude. performance mushroom since we're both uh. we both how do you say it dabbled in. psychedelic treatment and uh have both. of us have received a lot of benefits. which we found out at breakfast this. morning so that's right very cool but um. so I'm going to start this interview off. with a patreon question patreon is there. are top supporters um everything that's. they're the reason I'm sitting here and.

the reason you're sitting here so I. always give them a opportunity to ask. the guest a question so this is from. John Phillips and it's very relevant to. what we're going to be talking about in. reference to transforming mental health. care for veterans what is not being done. that should be. done God there's so much there yeah um I. think the easiest thing that we can all. do and it's not that easy is change the. conversation.

right so there's so much stigma around. mental health right now specifically. men's but veterans mental health we. don't talk about what's going on we're. ashamed the system pushes us down when. we start talking about hey I'm not doing. well or we raise our hand so we're. taught from day one not to raise our. hand we got to break down that stigma we. got to change the conversation we got to. own it when we're not doing well create. a tribe around us that supports us and. then we can push forward it's okay to. suffer.

like we all every single one of us every. single person on this planet has or will. suffer mentally at some point lose a. family member a best friend alcohol. abuse relationships job loss it doesn't. matter let's talk about it period that's. great man you know. it's the old excuse of the VA system not. working I mean that's that's been out. there forever everybody knows it. everybody knows know the VA sucks they.

don't really do anything they they. overprescribe but you know because that. came to light all these different. there's so many other avenues out there. you know and and to veterans are or. anybody that's listening but especially. veterans there are so many nonprofits. and so many different avenues that you. can go down to improve your state of. mind.

that they're. really the help's there you don't have. to go to the VA you can go do. psychedelic treatment you can go to Envy. mind health you can go there's it would. take all day to list all of the. different nonprofits and organizations. that have been set up to help with. better and mental health yeah and um so. all it takes is a little bit of. research and somebody is willing to help. you.

that's right you know and to your point. this morning at breakfast you're willing. to help yourself right so I was in that. mindset of blaming everybody at one. point uh it's this person's fault it's. this system's fault and it just dawned. on me he's like dude it's not them it's. you like if you want change then go do. something about it go take care of your. own so if you want to do it on a bigger. scale then great create something the VA. has some really good people working. there like we're not going to I'm not.

going to sit here and say hey the VA I. think it's challenged I think it's over. taxed I think it's constrained 100% but. there's good people that want to do. something about it we're going to try to. figure out how to work with them because. they are supporting tons and tons of. Veteran largest mental health or largest. medical system in the world so we can't. just in my opinion push them aside and. say you guys you guys it up yeah I think. what we need to do is like okay who are. The Advocates in there that are going to. fight tooth and nail for what they. believe in is it align with what we.

believe in let's go do it you know what. you're right I should I should probably. change my tune or attitude towards the. VA I stepped in there right when I left. uh around the 2015 time frame and. had was uh was you know the typical. story and uh I just I never steep foot. in one again so that's it you're done me. too by the way for like for probably 5. years so probably exact same story I.

couldn't find freaking parking right I. showed up an hour early man you know how. we are but we're going to show up. early um couldn't find parking I had to. park a mile away walked into this V. showed up and I get basically talked. down to by the the receptionist for. being. late I was I'm out my doctor came out in. a dirty sweatpants suit yeah and uh and. asked me why I didn't go to Medical in. the middle of an operation on an injury. that I was talking about and I said you.

know what barely spoke English I said. you know what I don't need to be here. anymore I'll pay for my own medical. thank you off goodbye yeah and. uh but maybe they've improved there's. some good folks there I think I still. think it's challenge brother to your. point and I mean that's the whole idea. for Envy was let's create a system from. trusted people like folks from like us. that have been through it that have. lived through it and then let's go take. it to them so they can figure out how to. support dudes that isolate I was one of.

them I like isolated in the mountains of. Colorado right like I don't want to be. around a VA but maybe I still need. Services well how do we support that. dude and majority of guys like us you. got a farm you got land we we want our. privacy man so how does a VA system. support that why aren't we using. technology hop on a tele Health call. look at the dude's Biometrics is the. dude drinking his face off we can tell. like let's go figure out how to support. each other not stay back in 1960 where. we have to go to these institutions sit. down can't find parking.

and yeah I mean yeah I get what you're. saying and I'm I'm the same mindset but. we're starting to reopen those. conversations I think we have to so good. good we'll get more in the Weeds on that. but um. so want to do a life story you know we. always start a childhood it's it's. amazing to me how many people have dealt. with childhood trauma and uh and um and. and the amount of people that we that.

this show was helped by opening up to. that trauma is like incredible so that's. where we always start so anyways I know. you grew up in Fort Hood. Texas yep let's start there yeah so I. don't remember much from that chapter we. were there for a few years but my dad. was Army he was uh he was an MP in the. Army uh met my mom before I came around. I think he was on a deployment to Panama. uh the country not Panama City guys and.

gals um but they met and then they came. back and had me and um we were there for. about two years before we picked up and. went back to Panama he took a deployment. there and I that's when I could start. remembering a couple things here and. there right like not much but that was a. cool um experience in my life to live in. a Tropic area to meet my mom's family. like I don't remember much it's hazy but. I remember enough to know like okay I'm. a little different than everybody else.

you know in the sense that we're on the. outskirts of the Jungle essentially. where my mom lives there's no power her. family was out there she was one of. seven so your mom's Panamanian she's. pananian what time frame did they meet. they met in uh like the nor 70s yeah the. 70s yeah right on yep then I came. shortly. after so so you lived in Panama too I. did yeah and I didn't go back for a long. time I know we're jumping around here.

but I went back when I was in high. school that was there was a couple I. mean it was a cool experience but I. wanted to get back to my girlfriend so I. left early but nevertheless it was cool. to see my uncles and my aunts and I mean. just think no power there's no hot water. where my mom my mom's family like we're. out there on the on the in the sticks. and I'm playing with this pig with my. little sister we don't speak Spanish um. so everybody's you I'm drinking beers. with my uncles at like 13 because it's. no big deal and we're playing with this. pig and um next thing I know my uncle.

comes out with a pistol and shoots it. right in the head and they start. chopping this thing up and they throw it. in a CLD. drone I thought this was a pet. pig that's. dinner that's the first time I right in. front of you and my sister was five. years younger me she was like six she. started crying I'm like oh [ __ ] holy. [ __ ] yeah but damn but that's where. that's the early days that was you know. my folks took me there for a few years. and there's some interesting there is.

like one early memory that just still I. sit with from Panama um and after that. we went to Maine. but it was a weird my first vivid. memory was uh we were and I don't know. how this fits in maybe the spiritual. stuff that we got into imp plant. medicine. later but I believe I should have died. when I was a kid we were all on some. Cliffs my dad was we were skirting some. some. Cliffs uh there's an outc crop uh over.

the ocean in Panama and um dude I I. slipped and I like no [ __ ] was falling. I'm not like this is the clearest memory. I can still see it. today and I don't know how dude but like. I got picked up and put back on that. rock. what I was young I remember it clear's. day dude I was go through that whole. experience what so you we were at the. beach and there's where we were at there.

was some Jagged rocks and cliffs and so. we just went out there and what I. remember and it's still like I mean it's. pretty clear for the most part but I. remember my dad and we're just like kind. of walking through the cliffs and. nothing too sketchy we're just kind of. going around and pretty high. up and I just slip and I start going. backwards and. um they talk about you get a flash you. know like right before death like. there's a flash people that have. near-death experiences they they.

Witnesses Flash and there's like this. ecstasy and some say it's close to one. of the plant medicines 5 Meo gives you. this similar experience there's been. some research out of Michigan on it but. I saw that flash and I didn't know what. it was I but the next thing I know I was. back on that. rock and my dad was just kind of. scooting along didn't even notice it and. I just didn't think anything of it I was. just a kid I was like well let's just. keep going with my dad and kind of. mentioned it to him but I mean in his.

head that's not logical right like he. probably just thought oh you almost. slipped got it like you fell a little. bit picked yourself up but I was off. that Cliff man wow yeah. wow. so I don't know divine intervention God. higher power that was my first. experience with it what do you believe. in are you Christian I believe in God so. I grew up Catholic and I lost my faith. in the teams mm if I'm being honest um.

and my mom's from Panama so when I mean. like devout Christian Catholic like we. were at church and I got dressed up I. had the suit and tie at like 2 and but. when I came into the. teams I was immature and we'll get into. all this I imagine um I just didn't know. what was right what was wrong and. quickly got lost in the in the mix right. and I lost my faith so what do you. I believe in God where you're at today.

what do you think that was on the cliff. I I believe God picked me up and put me. back on there because there's still more. to be done wasn't your time wasn't my. time. man you know stuff like that is. just it can't be explained no. and fascinates me yeah you know that's I. love hearing stuff like that we've had. several people come on and talk about. out of body experiences in combat and.

and uh I just actually I just. interviewed a man who studies out of. body experiences fascinating interview. oh wow yeah I really want to get into. the continuation of Consciousness life. after death like yeah it's uh it's just. something that's always how could it not. interest you you know but but um so it. didn't even register didn't register. with any anybody just you no wow I don't.

think anybody saw it wow just me wow and. try being like a little kid three four. years old telling that to your dad right. like your son right now I mean I know. he's two but hey Dad I just was. completely off this cliff and you're. just like yeah okay yeah come on we got. to get going we got to go to Chick-fil-A. man man yeah wow so then you moved to. Maine yeah when did you how old were you. when you got to.

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hire so I was five at the time and. that's when my sister came along okay so. she's 5 years younger than me uh. Jennifer and she's tremendous she's uh. again there's a lot of trauma in my life. self-induced and um she's a great she's. a great sister I wasn't there for her. like and we'll we'll touch on that but. love her to death she came along. back then I did not love her uh and I.

was a kid so I was we had these marble. fights it was a one-way fight I would. just Chuck marbles at my sister I was a. dick she has a scar to this day. beautiful woman uh but there's a scar. and she's quick to tell you how she got. that scar that was the old Johnny. Wilson's. curveball um but we lived in Bangor Main. and my dad took a recruiting gig. there and I remember a couple things. about that area it's cool Stephen King. lives there that's our claim to fame in. Bangor main that's about it snows a lot.

so that was my first experience with. snow coming from Texas and and Panama so. um no no snow days in Maine man there'd. be like five foot Banks 10 foot Banks. you're still going to school man um yeah. but it was great there was a cool. playground at the base of uh Stephen. King's house so he had this huge. gargoyle like RW iron fence mansion with. Steeples it's exactly what you would. think when you think a haunted house. that's his house and you come down the.

hill and at the base is this huge. playground that uh you know Bangor had. the municipality or the um the city had. put money together and put this cool. like playground so that's what we did as. kids we just rolled out a playground as. a wooden Pi playground and hang out. there and look up at Stephen King's. Place thinking geez that's that's. something going on in there it was like. a murder we all had these little stories. as kids that we talk about because we. knew he was the horror author and I. think it had come out and some other. cool movies oh man man yeah so I was.

there till I was about 10: and then. where'd you go then he took orders to um. to Holland so we um there's a base like. a. multinational base there called. aent and um bunch of folks from that. area uh from Europe that get stationed. there so all walks life all different. units and he got stationed there so we. lived in the Netherlands for about four. or five years years and that was a.

really cool experience for me man that's. where a lot of people think I they say I. like nice things I'm fancy like I like. going over to Europe and I was like. that's where I got it from like my time. in Europe was awesome and I only wish I. was older because you know I was just. hitting my stride when we left 14. started talking to some of the girls. around there I was like oh we got some. local girls I got German girls. Netherland girls Belgium girls I was. like this is heaven and then let's go to. Fort Campbell Kentucky I was like no. um but it was fun it was a cool.

experience um living there the school. was neat all different again ethnicities. all different parts of the world so you. know there wasn't too many Americans. there and I thought that was pretty cool. got folks from France and other parts of. the world so it it was a really. interesting chapter it sounds like there. was a fight there oh yeah yeah there was. that was. so in yeah what year was that I was. probably like 12 at the time no I was. younger than that.

actually um so where my dad was. stationed and for and I know you know. this but there's like military housing. right so we had military housing there. and there were town homes and outside of. our town home just happened to be the. playground the Park area so we played. soccer because you're in Europe you. don't play football you play soccer and. we're out there playing soccer and um. there's some older like local kids that. used to come in and they were. [ __ ] um and I had finally just you. know I think I was getting a little. courageous maybe the you know the balls.

were dropping and I said something I was. on my back like that this like I was 12. maybe 10 11 something like that this kid. was like 14 had me on my back and was. just wailing on me it was my first fight. damn my first fight. and I just remember it was kind of. surreal I was just sitting there I. didn't know what to do like this guy had. me pinned down I couldn't move I was. trying to squirm. and uh older kid was just wailing in it. didn't hurt I think he was holding back.

or I don't know what it was weird um but. I got my ass kicked it's my first fight. so ow and went out of the gates not not. how anybody wants to. start but it's where I started like. realizing like dude that. sucked you didn't like that change. it what can you do to change that. outcome what can you do and that's where. we got into like k and jiujitsu but it.

was one of the first Lessons Learned in. my life was just like dude that was. miserable that was embarrassing that was. a whole crowd I mean it was like the. freaking movies like there was a crowd. around us chanting and I was just. getting wailed on and I couldn't do. anything about it so change it was the. biggest takeaway for me in my childhood. that right there yeah you know we had. uh we had talked downstairs. about childhood trauma you know and and.

how a lot of the guys a lot of the. people m not even just men um who come. on the show experience and and and some. type of childhood trauma and and man I. just had no idea like how. many kids have to go through that and um. you had brought something up. that you sounds like you've carried. throughout your entire life of having to. impress your old man or thinking that.

you need to impress your old man and. that is I think I cut you off down there. cuz I wanted to talk about that here. because I think a lot of people have. that too I I'm one of them I never would. have become a seal had it not been oh I. have to do this because I have to. impress my dad yeah and um and so it. drove me in a lot of ways you know and. um. but it also it was.

a it's a special kind of relationship. and so I was hoping you could open up on. that a little. bit Yeah. well all. these perspectives like angles I. couldn't see before came from plant. medicine so I want to start with that. because if I I truly believe if I. wouldn't have done some of these. different psychedelics I wouldn't be. able to have seen you know my dad and in.

our relationship and understand the. traumas that he had when he was growing. up so he he's a good dude like I I love. my dad um love him to death and I'm. grateful for everything he's taught me. the goods and the bads right because all. of it had to happen to get here right. where we're at. today but uh our relationship was. challenged right. um he. he didn't have his dad wasn't present so.

I see that and you know I'm no. psychologist but where's his example you. know he had a step stepdad come into the. picture um but where's his example and I. don't know the relationship between my. grandmother and my my grandfather my you. know my step-grandfather but but they. were grandma and grandpa but I there's. probably something there because it bled. down into the generational thing into my. father and I blocked out a lot of that. stuff in fact I don't remember I didn't.

remember most of it my sister was the. one that pulled me aside one day how do. you not remember any of this [ __ ] that. that like you're you know you and Dad. and Mom and Dad and I don't know I. looking back I I realized we. compartmentalize [ __ ] really good and we. we tuck [ __ ] away that we don't want to. deal with and that's probably what. happened but back then I couldn't see it. until plant. medicine what kind of stuff um there was. like like yelling screaming I mean.

between your dad and grandparents no my. dad and my mom okay yeah and and then it. you know came to me like you're you're. trying to figure out when we get to high. school I'm trying to figure out who I am. as a man and testosterone is starting to. flow through the body and you think. you're bigger than you are and your dad. is your dad and there's a couple times. that we got into it and um you know laid. hands on me and there's one incident. hopefully he can laugh at this today I.

sure as hell can but I've done. psychedelics he hasn't we're still. working on Dad um but he I had some. Jordans or something at the time right. and uh he had come home from a. deployment because my parents. relationship was falling apart and he. was taking these. deployments and he threw on my kicks to. go cut the grass so there's a couple. things [ __ ] up here I should have. probably been cutting the grass right. all on that but you took my Jordans to. cut the grass down come on man so I said. something something. and he he kind of [ __ ] grabbed me and.

threw me up against the wall. and and uh yelled at me and I called the. cops on my dad and I watched him get. arrested and taken. away and I didn't you know that was a. Tuesday for me like I was just like no. big deal like that's just that's normal. it's it's not normal but it's okay right. I don't know the relationship you had. with your dad but I can look back now. and be like okay that's not normal mhm.

but it is okay it happened let's let's. work on unpacking what's going on there. so uh there wasn't too many incidences. like that but my I blocked out a lot of. the the [ __ ] between my mom and my dad. and I didn't realize it until uh my. sister pulled me aside and it's like no. they used to get into it dad used to. yell at her I mean I used to fight a lot. I was like I don't remember any of that. wow yeah totally just blocked it out wow.

so what is it what is it about you and. your dad's relationship that made you. feel like you had. to I mean it's it turned you into an. overachiever yeah and I think that. happened that's what h i that happened. to me so I'm I'm curious you know what I. mean he became a seal successful guy on. Wall Street started a nonprofit now. you're on this new. medical uh Envy Venture you know with. with with with mind health.

and I mean your track record is. just you conquer everything that you put. your mind. to and it sounds like you're attributing. some of that. towards to Dad your dad in our. relationship for sure uh it's a great. question dude I'm curious like on your. end here in a like I'll share what I. think but I'm curious you know what you. attributed to with your.

relationship I uh I don't know despite. everything I just describe like despite. me you know him not being home on these. deployments me being the man in the. house you know or thinking I was the man. of the house despite the tension between. us he's still your dad like he's the. male figure in your your relationship or. in your in all your relationships he is. the alpha. and I don't I don't know man it's a. great question.

I maybe I was just seeking his approval. right like I just wanted him I didn't. want all the other stuff that was. happening I just wanted to have a. relationship. where you know he was proud of me uh and. I know he he was I can see that now I. couldn't see it back then right all I. saw all I could fixate on was. like the the tra the. drama and some of the other the trauma. that was happening but. I think it was that I was I couldn't see.

I had blinders on and I wanted his. approval and it was there probably I. just couldn't I didn't know how to. receive it yeah I'm curious what about. you I. mean kind of the same I mean I know what. it was but it was you know I I'm one of. three I'm the. oldest and I just never really felt good. enough you know I know I was a I was a. challenge uh from my parents and uh you.

know I didn't make good grades I wasn't. an athlete my brother was an athlete a. really good one uh he made phenomenal. grades my sister was good at everything. that she did. and I kind of half asked everything you. know from in my childhood and and the. stuff even the stuff that I really. wanted to be good at like wrestling I. wasn't I was average I wasn't great. but um um you know and.

so I saw a lot. of attention being spent on my siblings. and not a lot on me and that's not their. fault I I I if I wasn't good at. something I would lose interest and and. my priorities was women and partying by. the time I got into high school and so. um me and my dad were always getting. into it I mean my dad is my hero and uh.

still to this day and. um but by the time I We There Was An. there was an argument and uh there was. an argument about me going to college. and he wasn't going to pay for it. because my grades are [ __ ] and and uh I. said I don't really give a [ __ ] cuz I'm. not going to go I'm going to go and be a. Navy SEAL yeah and um and uh and.

that it was the only thing that I ever. put my mind to that I knew I was like. this is this is what's going to make my. dad proud of me you know I watched him I. was in baseball he always coached my. brother I was involved in this he was. always more it seemed appeared to me. that he was always more interested in my. brother's activities cuz he was good and. I wasn't and. um and so that's kind of how it started.

that's the only reason I made it through. buds is I wanted to quit I. just I was too weak to quit and not call. my dad it sounds weird I'm saying it. like that right cuz honestly once we got. into hell week I really didn't give a. [ __ ] about being a seal anymore it was. only the fear of me calling my dad and. saying hey I [ __ ] this one up too I quit. you know here's your loser. not good at anything and so that that.

kept me in it was I I can't make that. call yeah you know and then and then it. just went on. to everything that I've ever done you. know there's always a portion of it. that's like watch. this yeah dude it's interesting right. like it's it's it's a negative. reinforcement tool like. and I'm I'm all about the positive like. I'm the positive guy like you're with my.

kids you struck out cool like let's. let's work on. the but you see it a lot with our. community we're we're not unique in this. sense like a lot of dudes that come into. the SEAL Teams at least that I know of. had some challenging upbringings. like and um those are the ones for the. most part that succeed it's like not. wanting to make that call like I don't. it was the same thing and let me you. said something too like you were. challenging oh buddy I wish too man so.

like you know like I love my dad I. realize how hard I made it on my parents. holy [ __ ] I like the party I got. arrested a couple times like dude the. list goes on and on I was in troubl. maker so I appreciate my dad was trying. the hardest he he could with what he had. right like what he was taught and the. things that he was been given and like. I'm so grateful for for his love and and. the support and you know at the time it. didn't feel like it was support I know. it was yeah um and then you mentioned.

earlier that you know everything that. I've done it's been successful and. there's a lot of failures peppered in. there and I'm pretty sure that's the. same with you like so absolutely um but. again then it goes back to something. unique to us is like failure failur is. just like let's pick ourselves up and I. see this with guys from our communi like. let's pick ourselves up quickly learn. what happened and let's get right back. at it and but man that that thing's been. peppered shotgunned with failures yeah.

so I appreciate you saying that U and I. know it's true for you too so you know. it's awesome to see what you're doing. thank you thank you yeah but um so what. so sorry Maine we're yeah we in. Maine and yep getting into high school. yeah you know I was still young at the. point and then. uh we we kind of wrapped up Main and. went to Holland and Holland was cool I. think we kind of walked through some of. the experiences there um it was really. interesting being in um in that you know.

multinational school I just learned so. much from so many different people and. saw the unique cultures and I really. appreciate like my crew moving forward. from that point on we ended up moving to. Fort Campbell Kentucky and I lived in. Clarksville Tennessee I went to high. school at Northeast High School there. but my crew because my lens was. different from my time. overseas like dude we were we had a. black dude a Panamanian dude Puerto. Rican dude a white dude like we didn't. see any of that stuff back then I don't.

know how it was for you but it was just. like you're a good dude and you like to. do stupid [ __ ] like let's be buddies and. let's go do this stupid [ __ ] together. and that's exactly what we did and that. crew is is awesome they all ended up. they were Army Bratz as well and they. all ended up uh serving and you know one. of the guys uh Terry uh he lives right. down the street actually he's uh he's. getting his PhD at. VY um because he wants to continue to. serve he's going to do some mental. health uh therapy and and uh is working.

at getting his PhD at Vandy right now. the other guys are great one guy's still. in he's in the Navy uh he's a EOD guy so. he's he's deployed with a a Special. Forces Group right now so I'm always. getting the photos of those guys um yeah. but that crew in high school was man we. did I don't know if you had a pod but we. did us four five did everything together. yeah yeah what kind of stuff were you. into uh I played football and um where I. went was I'd say it was probably.

predominantly black um and I only bring. that up because it made dudes like me. look good on receivers so we had Travis. Stevens who ended up playing at UT and I. think went to the NFL like he's the. running back nobody gives a [ __ ] about. Johnny Wilson on the you know what I. mean so I'm catching balls and it's was. just like dude that guy's a good. receiver on the stats but um people. quickly realized when I went to college. like that dude's not good yeah. but I played football.

um there was a park right by our house. that we all used to just you know have. parties at like bring booze down there. and have bonfires a lot of guys had. Farms so a couple our buddies had Farms. so it was just like it was literally. parties every. weekend this sounds like a very similar. upbring to. mine very similar. yeah but uh you got arrested a couple. times yeah. so man that was that's some of that.

shotgun pepper failures I was talking. about but so well I'll take a step back. and I'll hit that question so my dad was. stationed I mentioned he was kind of. bouncing out and doing the deployment. things he was stationed. overseas and this is pre-war this was in. the 90s and he was in Saudi and he said. hey you're you're going to come visit. and I was like Dad like dude I'm in high. school I got a girlfriend man it's it's. the summer I want to hang out with my. friends that I don't want to come see.

you he like cool you're still coming to. visit so I was pissed but I flew to. Saudi first couple days I just acted. like a punk like trying to show him that. I was upset ignoring him and he's just. being a good dad like taking me. introducing me to folks and like on the. third or fourth day we're driving on. base and I'm in the passenger seat just. looking out the window and I see this. gate closing like blacked out gate with. Barb Wire Fence and I'm looking in there. there's a bunch of dudes with no shirt. jacked tattoos. beards I'm like Dad what who are those.

dudes and I thought they were seals my. dad corrected me after uh I shared the. story before he like dude that was fifth. group and I was like okay I thought it. was seals but it makes better better. story for for was seals but nevertheless. it was the fifth group dude and my dad. took me over to introduce me to those. guys and they took me under their wing. man um no kidding yeah they let me hang. out I got to ask question I'm like a. 14-year-old kid um. so I wanted to be special forces and. inevitably inevitably that evolved to.

being a seal but I mean I was working. out those guys from what I remember they. had guns out cleaning them they were. talking to me about their missions it. was so cool damn you C to at 14 14 so. when I came back home I mean life was. like kind of like you just like boom. this is what I'm going to do and I. sucked at swimming I mean I was good at. it but I wasn't great but okay I got to. be in the pool all the time what are you. going to do go be a lifeguard so became. a lifeguard I lived 14 miles from the.

base cardio was horrible still is still. is hor horrible so I would ride my bike. to to lifeguard and then I would ride. back football practice I would run two. miles to football practice and run back. just to try to get ready for for buds. because I didn't know what to expect all. I had was that uh I think there was a. seal workout program you probably had it. too y yep push-ups two 20 by 20 push-ups. yep. yep yep so my whole life became let's so.

sophomore in high school cuz what that's. about 14 correct is that right yeah it. was it was my sophomore year okay. sophomore year in high school you. already you've got it mapped out you're. going to be some kind of special forces. guy yep that evolved I came across a. book before there was um all the books. and movies on Team guys there is one. from Vietnam and I was like oh I think. it was the men with green faces I read. that book and I was like okay this is. what I want to. do um and that's what I did I worked my.

ass off like not too hard uh but hard. enough to get good. grades and um Wanted to at the time I. wanted to go play football remember I. was looking good so some of the academy. was like hey man this guy might be good. that didn't work out the way they. thought it would but I ended up getting. an offer to go to the. academy the academy yep night like the. Naval Academy the Naval Academy. and I couldn't so what they do at the. the cies is they have prep school I.

don't know if you're familiar with this. but I am not so it's essentially how. they red shirt athletes they send you to. prep school to get your grades up get. you prepped for the riggers of the. academics but you get to play ball. against the other prep schools so you. get to play ball against Maps which is. the military academy prep school and the. Naval Academy Prep School is nap so I. ended up getting accepted but I had to. go to naps first which was awesome I was. in Newport rede. Island um but that was kind of the path.

that was laid out for me so got accepted. going to naps you got a couple weeks off. before you leave I lived in Clarksville. Tennessee let's go celebrate come down. to Nashville because where else are you. going to party in Tennessee second half. I can't remember the bar but there was a. bar with four stories of different. things like country rock and roll like. techno I just remember that's that was. our spot is still there I guarantee it. is dude and uh I didn't get two steps in.

that door before they saw that janky ass. fake ID card I had and uh got hemmed up. that was the first time what was the. second was it back toback it was back to. back dude I'm such an idiot so I got. arrested big dude he was like 63 6'4. black guy former Marine he's like you're. a [ __ ] idiot like and I was like I. just got in the Naval Academy I was. talking my way out of it it and he was. like you know what I'm going to give you.

a chance like don't do this again like. you got your whole life ahead of you're. going to burn that bridge you're such an. idiot I was like thank you sir and went. back to Clarksville and pouted and was. just like hey I'm not doing anything for. about 3 hours and then my buddies was. like finally broke me down and was like. let's go. party a week to the day dude I'm in. Nashville again with my buddies I. Stumble out of a bar this time I get. into the bar I Stumble out of the bar. and I bump into that cop oh man out the. back door and I took off man I saw him.

he saw me he went to grab me I was like. and I took. off and I start running and I'm like in. my head I was like we're already Team. guys or at least we're starting to think. like Team guys I got to hit the river I. got to get to water I'm such an idiot. dude I'm a kid had no idea what I was. doing I come around the corner I. remember Hooters being right there. because I remember looking in come. around the corner and I. hear and there's a chain Lake Fence in. front of me and I'm like okay I got to. jump that but there's barar they were.

doing some work up there and I'm like. holy crap I'm cornered and I still hear. this and then it stops and I turn around. and there's like horse Patrol got me. cornered that cop runs up I was like. damn it put my hands up grab me snatched. me he like this time you're going to. jail son made the call my dad was like. nope I'll see you Monday I'm not picking. you up so I stayed there over the. weekend and the I don't know if they've. improved the [ __ ] prison here or the. jail here but I hope to God they have. that thing was disgusting yeah.

vile but I spent the weekend in jail. nice yep nice I'm curious why you so why. did you pick the Naval Academy I mean if. you're that into boozing it up you're. picking pretty much the strictest yeah. University. possible that's a great question in my. head I just I thought I I started. talking to people like usually when I. get my head in you know I get something. in my head I'm going to go out to the.

people that are actually doing it so I. reached out to a couple folks and uh. just asked them like hey if I wanted to. be a seal officer like how would I do. this and like well cademy gets more. billets so that's probably the the. thinking I started thinking I thought it. was most prestigious it was all free and. I wasn't getting the scholarships. everywhere else I guess I could have got. an RC scholarship but once they said yes. I was like I'm all in here's the thing. man those guys and gals at the cies.

drink just as much as if not more no. kidding oh yeah they're partying and. it'll come out I went to the academy but. not for. long. um um but they're partying just as much. man yeah interesting. well so what what is. it I've not talked about the Naval. Academy at all what how is it showing up. there. dude I hated it I hated it man um I have.

a problem as we talked about with my dad. like just in general with like like. leadership and hierarchy and structure. like I know I. mean I realized we went into the. military and there's that's all there. but in the teams it's a little bit. different I would say it's not really. there yeah so I show up to the academy. and how it structured is you show up for. ple summer and you got basically six. eight weeks of boot camp and I've done.

boot camp three times now I did it at. the Naval Academy Prep School I did it. at the Naval Academy ple summer and then. I did boot camp proper so. like but this one was the worst so you. show up and you have other classmates. called upper classman so you're the. lower class upper classman as your ple. summer. instructors so think about this like. what type of people and I'm not like. there's some great folks that the go to. the academy a lot of people that play. sports but then there's a small group.

that are smart maybe never had power. before and now have power and man the if. you want to see abusive power on a. scaled. level go to the freaking Academy and. watch these kids that have never had. power before light into the this class. of people like the new class that's. coming through and I just I struggled. with it man I hated every bit of it I. the whole year it's like that you got. upper classman just lined into you and I.

had massive ego I was like these me the. list goes on and. on but push all that aside I think it's. an amazing institution that's doing. great things putting out good leaders. for the most part not always but for the. most part um and uh it's set up to. really help you know the next generation. of good dudes come in and some of the. best officers I had in the teams I don't. know how you feel about this came from. the. academy yeah I think I think the best.

officers I had were Mustangs yeah listed. but um I'm sure there's a couple of good. ones in there but um but uh another. question I'm kind of curious about is if. you were that I mean. most how did you find the discipline why. why did you want to become an officer. cuz most people that W in they're like. myself was College wasn't even an option. for me anyways but it was just give me. on the fastest track into what I want to.

do. yeah. well dude I think I think I lost the. fire okay a little bit into it like I. got kicked out of the academy for. drinking right like I was partying my. ass off like my grades I barely got into. the academy from the Naval Academy Prep. School because I was at them Street. which is down Town Newport like party. with my friends like you need a 2.0 dude.

a 2.0 to get into the academy it came. down to my last exam because I was. [ __ ] off so much WoW like I buckled. down for that exam because I knew what I. needed again I was like I'm smart enough. to do it when I have to but my priority. shifted man if I'm being honest and um I. think me getting kicked out of the Naval. Academy was the best thing for me if I. would have made it through the Naval. Academy I would not be I would not have. been a seal none of the other stuff. would have happened I guarantee it man. and by me getting kicked out I struggled. immensely for for a few months like was.

down on myself didn't think I could. amount to anything I started believing. what other people had told me throughout. the years you want to be a seal like you. know how hard that is like are you sure. you can do that I started believing all. that and then one day I just woke up and. I was like enough like I need to get. back on the [ __ ] horse like I got. bucked off my own doing but nevertheless. I got bucked off and I'm sitting on the. ground for the last three months let's. go like. and I started I enrolled in the. community college started getting good.

grades I started working out I stopped. the boozing I stopped hanging out with. my my good but degenerate friends. they're still good friends but they're. degenerates um and I just got super. laser focused on making this happen and. brother I got told so many times no like. there's no way you got kicked out of the. Naval Academy you can't even enlist in. the Navy and I was like no there's got. to be a way and I fought tooth and nail. just to be given a shot to enlist in the. Navy um. but yeah. that's I think I thought in my head I.

thought you go to the academy you get a. good bill you get an education like the. reality is is like I got in and I just. was like let's go versus enlisting and. um yeah looking back it's it's probably. the best thing to happen to me because I. wasn't I thought I was ready enlisted. and I. wasn't you met your wife yep in. Annapolis were you in was she in the. Naval Academy too or no how' you guys.

meet so I had gotten kicked out and um. I'm trying to get back into the Naval. Academy so after I feel sorry for myself. for those few months I go work I got to. pay the bills so I work at a um I work. at a bar Griffins so uh there's a bar. down there it's no longer there but I. bounced there for a bit. Barbed and I was uh I was working one. night and they came in so and her friend. came in and um I was flirting with both. of them if I'm being honest my wife.

always lets me know like her friend had. some gum and I took it from her but. inevitably the energy and the attention. focused and kind of hit it off. and she wasn't at the Academy she lived. there um her family's from. there and we started. dating and I mean we dated for a while. we moved in together my and her mom. mother-in-law's apartment while I was. training and getting ready for for now.

buds because the academy said no you're. not coming back so I was like all right. we're in Liston now and uh we had about. 6 months and I'm living in a basement. just training and um yeah it. was she's a great woman man and I. couldn't see it back. then I could see it she was she was. beautiful she was. smart I just um you didn't appreciate it. I didn't thank you I didn't appreciate.

her man for a [ __ ] long. time for a long time dude we've been. married for 20 years yeah. congratulations thank you dude you're. welcome what do you think. the me it sounds like you guys have been. through a lot of ups and downs and we'll. get through that but what do you think. think the secret to a successful. marriage is oh.

man there's not a lot of people that. have been married for 20 years straight. yeah there's a couple things dude and we. we touched on them so I'm going to pull. it was from a different conversation you. and I had but options like if you put. options on the table like there's always. an out right like but if there's only. one option and it's us staying married. like that's a big thing and like my. whole life is I've done that if there's.

an out dude it's human nature you're. going to do the easier thing starting a. business you give yourself an out you're. going to go do the easy thing you got a. steady paycheck or. startup well at some point it's going to. get easier to do the I think they. there's only one option man. right that's how I think about things. and. then you know respect and and. Grace I didn't respect her I don't think.

she respected me we didn't have Grace. for each other's shortcom and we all. have them and it compounded right like. it just got big and hairy and and. um I mean it it ended up we ended up. figuring it out but man there were some. times brother where I mean my buddies. know like there's some times well I mean. how did you how long how long did it.

take when did you figure it out yeah but. you've been married for 20 years what. year did you guys start figuring it. out. um yeah it was it was probably. 2020. so 16e Mark yeah yeah 2020 what was was. it so for I mean she's been through.

everything we had we had a. kid um and went to buds right we got. married I went to Osa. school um I met her we had been dating. for a while as mentioned went to boot. camp and then I got a school and she. came down we got married because we. wanted her to come out and so she was. there we had a house out in town so all. the buddies from buds would come over. and we're having parties she's been. through that you know Iraq multiple. times Afghanistan Africa deployments uh. South America deployments like I mean.

the road show that we're always doing. like always on the. road and when I got. out um we thought we made it and you. know I'm kind of hopping around here but. the Goldman stuff and like living in New. York and finally having money we never. had. money still weren't wasn't in a. relationship I was gone I was immersed. in the job uh came back in right because. I Goldman wasn't a f I didn't think I. fit out in.

society stayed with me um I'm drinking. my face off now because our culture. allows it and it's normalized like hey. you're in the teams we just drink when. you get out it's just normal to drink. six s eight drinks a night. sometimes stayed with me um but it was. plant medicine dude it was yeah for me I. I was at a low point I moved. out and you know I'm pretty sure we'll. we'll get to it but um I did it and I. came back and she she saw me do all the.

things dude like TMS uh trans uh. magnetic stimulation talk therapy that. doesn't work for me the VA didn't work. for me like um started doing everything. like all these new wazu things that were. coming out and um I inevitably did plant. medicine and I'll share that. story but I came back and I was like. sweetie this is real like something's. changed I can [ __ ] feel it I'm. telling you this is this is it um and. she had her wall up and rightfully so.

man I've beaten that I've beaten that. woman down so many times like with words. and actions and. behaviors um yeah I'm not cool I'm not. going to let you in like that wall has. been years 16 years in the. making um and then she ended up doing. plant medicine in 2020 dude. and same here no I two years later took. two years because one it's like this is. witchcraft like what do you I can't.

believe you did this like what the hell. and and then you start seeing the some. of the the changes in my behavior I'm. not drinking I I didn't drink for like. three four years after. that um and never believe she wasn't in. a good place either and she was like I I. want to go so we set it up she went to. Costa Rica and did it with some. beautiful women down there they had it. set up and um it was so awesome those. ladies are best friends to this day and. she got tremendous healing from her. childhood Ood and you know some of the. relationship she's been in and and now. we got a like kind of clear.

slate and we came back and that's the. first time Sean that I've ever been in a. relationship in my life I had five kids. at the. time. wow. that's 16 years you guys stuck with each. other. unhappy who knows what all happen we'll. get into it but. and then plan medicine plan medicine. just split you guys wide open it's.

incredible yep that stuff works wonders. doesn't it it's amazing man we've we got. a lot of mutual friends. and dude we've Alison I she's got a. nonprofit The Hope project that helps. women D the women the stories like. there's some there's some dark. things in this world dude and uh um. there's some really hate hatred and.

nastiness that's happened to some of. these beautiful women that are just. struggling and don't know how to get out. of these dark places and it's beautiful. to witness like her take what she's. gained from that and like push it. forward and she's helped hundreds of. women now go through plant medicine. coaching treatment integration and it's. just like God it's a blessing. dude how did your kids act when you guys. connected. yeah dude it's so funny. like it's funny now looking back because.

they joke about it it's like oh we've. never seen you guys. like but that's some real [ __ ] like if. you unpack that it's like wow you've. never you've never seen mom and dad like. we don't really remember those times and. there's one store where I knew this. stuff was real and I had my oldest. daughter and my oldest son and we're. we're seeing a friend in Brooklyn at. Brooklyn Park and we're sitting there in. the park and it's a beautiful day man. there's trees out there and this guy.

sits uh we all lay down and we're all. just talking and this guy was one of the. first guys to invest um he donated some. significant money alongside Tim Ferris. for uh the John Hopkins study so he was. one of the Pioneers uh Frontier leaders. in this space and he looks around and he. looks at my son JD and he's like JD how. how was it growing up in uh the house. with with your old man and without. missing a beat my son he's witty but it. was true he was like he was an.

[ __ ] I was like [ __ ] and I just. started weeping man. because I was an [ __ ] like I did have. those walls up I did have an example and. was mimicking that despite not liking it. right and uh he was like how about. now dude I'm about to cry right now he's. he said he's he's.

uh it's different. he's he's full of love and and he's. happy. man that's awesome that [ __ ] is real. plant medicine I mean the research look. at it is. changing Generations like I was on a. path with my family and they were going. to do the exact same thing that I taught. them and now we lead with love in our.

house man and it's not [ __ ] perfect. dude let's not pretend it is right it's. not we still get into it we still argue. but I mean it's almost instant where. you're just like oh yeah that was me I'm. sorry or what I usually do just [ __ ]. around is like hey that was you she like. you're such an. idiot um but the kids see that now and. they're on a path and we're we're using. words we never used before like my son. JD he's 18 he he just blasts texts off. on the family threat I love you guys.

what 18y year old do you know boy do you. know that's doing that I don't know too. many ma' me neither I wasn't that. kid me. neither that's pretty. [Music]. profound good for you thank you man well. let's get back into let's get back in. gear here so you're going to buds. yep how did. that you go to a school first yeah do.

you want to talk about a school or. should we go straight to butts well it's. just one thing in a school I met my one. of my best friends zadok Morgan from. Montana hail's from Montana foresight. Montana um little did I know we were. going to be lifelong friends I'm. actually hunting with him and his boys. in two days. um but they had a I forgot the name of. it but you remember uh when we showed up. to boot camp they had a like a a workout.

session for for guys that wanted to be. special forces EOD I can't remember what. it was called but we had that at a. school as. well and I show up the first day and. there was just a bunch of folks that. wanted to Trav for these different units. and I can just tell like no these guys. in in my head I was like they ain't. going to make it and there was one. dude and uh I started gravitating. towards him because he can actually do. the workouts he was doing more than most. and uh we became best friends. and I have a pattern here uh at this.

point and it's about having a good time. so shifting sands on the base is a. little local like. bar and I had my Jeep and me and my. buddy would go down there on Fridays. quarter beer night in a school and just. get hammered where is this it's on the. base it's on damn neck what was your a. school OS operational [ __ ] that's what I. was oh no [ __ ] yeah yeah damn I was over. at peab bodies oh yeah peab bodies oh my.

God I'm surprised you didn't get shot me. too oh. man yeah we stayed on base man we. thought we were being smart but I mean. after that we we probably spent like 20. bucks with at quarter beard nights a lot. I knew this guy was going to be my best. one of my best. friends um and he he was a class ahead. of me so he took off kind of got the lay. of the land. in in Buds and then I showed up a week. later and uh we became roommates and uh.

just waited till the class filled up and. Idle Hands brother Idle Hands I got we. got really close to not ever being a. given a shot to trial for buds damn. self-induced yeah yeah damn so for those. that are listening a school is a it's. basically your your job training for for. the Navy so back in those days you go to. a. school they force you to go to a school. to go to buds because then when you quit.

at buds cuz what it's like 80% nutrition. rate um then you fill the needs of the. Navy yeah with your a school so that's. what that is for those that are. listening that don't. know so you get through a school you. show up to buds. Y show up to buds we're waiting for the. class to fill up we're doing our like uh. Indo workouts. and um it's our birthday weekend the.

weekend before we actually class. up so the weekend before we start uh uh. we class up it's my birthday and his. birthday his is on the 18th mine's May. 16th so I mean we got to celebrate right. so let's go to a Padre's game and have. one. beer so we go to a Padres game and those. beers are massive like I don't know if. you've been ball game but like these are. like they're huge and one became two two. became three and we were rolling with a.

buddy of ours John Parker uh John ended. up getting medically discharged broke. both his legs in hell week and still. finished man stud of a. dude but John Zade and myself hopped in. his truck and it's us you know the bench. seat up front so us three up there John. had a beer and then stopped drinking and. then Zade and I were antagonized let's. go out let's let's go to the Irish bar I. forgot what it was called in San die go. go to the Irish bar and we close that. [ __ ] down this is Sunday night dude we.

start the next. day I know I so stupid peppered peppered. with failures man this is one of the bad. decisions um we start driving back and. Zade and I are [ __ ] around in the. passenger seat John Parker's driving and. we're hitting each other and screwing. around and he's hitting us like knock it. off you guys are [ __ ] idiots and. we're coming on the bridge Bay Bridge. and he Slams on the brakes and we hit. the glass and I'm like what the hell man. and there's a guy there with his hands. up right in front of the car coming on.

the Bay Bridge in Coronado it was a cop. there was. flares there is a suicide attempt. happening and they had the bridge clo. closed off and John because of us almost. ran over a. cop this is the night before we. start I could laugh about it now dude I. wasn't laughing about it then um John. gets snatched out of the car Parker gets. snatched out of the car we get pulled. out of the car with the cops they. they're like you guys been drinking John.

refuses to blow he gets. arrested uh he hadn't drank but one. drink like God's honest truth or at. least that's what I remember uh earlier. in the night but he wasn't chancing it. he gets arrested Zade and I get thrown. in the back of cuffed and thrown in the. back of a cop car and we're waiting and. they're just uh dealing with John and. they come to us and we start lipping off. right away like you can't do that he's. like a pre-law major thinks he's smart. on Law and he starts like yelling at. this guy he's like are you [ __ ]. kidding me like knock it off or else.

I'll take you two to jail he's like you. know what I'm going to do you one better. so this guy drives off the Bay Bridge. takes us down into bario and drops us. off we're like three hours out from. classing up we got to be at muster 3. hours we run up to like a taco shop. there's a drive-thru and we start. yelling can we get some water. um lady was like no I'm going to call. the cops she's like oh call we started. lipping off off again we're drunk like. acting like idiots dude she called the. cops I hear the cops coming again so we.

take off and zade's from Montana I went. to high school in Tennessee so Texas. Tennessee there's not much ocean where. I'm from where he's from but in our head. kind of like the story I told you. earlier when I was running from the cops. well if we can't go across the bay. bridge and there's no Uber back then. like no taxis coming to bario let's swim. across the bay so we hop over some barb. wire fence we strip down but. naked put our stuff here our phone our. flip phones back then wallet okay we're.

going to come back for this stuff and I. start climbing down the rocks to get in. the water dude and I. slip and I just all the way down I am. cut up dude I'm bleeding everywhere he. comes down naked Zade picks me up he's. like you okay. dude naked I'm pretty sure there was. like security cameras and dudes like in. security was like hey Mike come over. here check this out two. dudes um he's like you're all right I. was like oh man I'm all banged up man.

I'm bleeding everywhere we can't get in. the water he's like yeah yeah no kidding. man the Sharks would tear us up we. didn't know any better so we go try to. find our clothes man so our plan was to. swim across get on Bas get our uniform. do and then come back the next day it. took us forever to find our clothes and. we had just left we would have never. found it man I had no idea where we were. at we finally we finally find it we come. out and we're waiting like we're just. waiting for a car the new plan is is. we're going to basically hijack a.

car genius genius plan it all made sense. at the time this little Hugo you. remember the hugos I got to be honest I. can't believe Mexico isn't in the story. right now that's all it might just pop. up I got kids I had to modify it a bit. um now it's not in the story but there. were Mexicans in the. story so this little CUO comes putting. up right at us and we stand in front of. it we stop and it is full of some.

Mexican workers hard hats and everything. they just got off shift and we're like. hey we need to get to the bridge they're. like no we can't there's no room it's. like no like you're going to take us to. the bridge they're like no Mr please he. like we're not asking it's like so these. guys are just like [ __ ] so we hop in and. like we're all jammed in this little. Hugo hugos are like the size of like the. seat like we had seven eight people in. this thing me and him and zade's not a. small dude and they drive us to the. bottom of the Bay Bridge and the new.

plan is is we're going to get on the. opposite side of where the jumper is and. the cop cars are as we get close to. where the incident's happening we're. going to low crawl past them and then. continue on with walking across the bay. bridge and then get into. base so that's what we do we get on the. bridge we start walking up all of a. sudden dude Dukes a hazard style like. over the top of the Bay Bridge is top. car catches air I swear to God catches. air lands turns like sideways guy comes.

out with the flashlight on his shotgun. right in our eyes I go to jump off the. bridge I'm like I'm I'm getting in the. water I go to jump and as I'm going like. hands off Zade grabs me first time he. saved my life because we weren't over. water we were still over freaking land. whoa grabs me I grab on pulls pulls me. back in he was coherent enough to do. that that's the first time it's happened. a couple. times cop comes closer to us he's like. get your hands up higher higher and then.

you see the the flashlight start. lowering it and it goes down and the guy. we can't see him like really can't see. him he's like you got to be [ __ ]. kidding me how did you two get back here. so [ __ ] fast it was the same cop that. had us earlier he's like what the [ __ ]. are you two doing we're like we got to. we you know we got to get to buzz he's. like you know what man hop in the car. I'm going to take you guys there this. dude with like 40 minutes to spare dude.

put us in the car drove us to the gate. we were too embarrassed or afraid or. scared to go through the gate so we hop. the fence we go to the barracks somebody. saw that call the cops but nevertheless. we go in the barracks we change we show. up we think we're we're good there's. cops looking for whoever hoop the fence. but I'm like we we made it dude we're at. formation and we're doing roll call head. count and we're down a. man and they're the instructor is like.

we're down John Parker who the [ __ ] was. with John Parker last night and I look. to Zade and he looks to me and we're. like dude hold ground hold. ground and I have a I have an issue with. lying like I'm like dude I can see this. unfold in really bad if we don't come. forward quick so I'm like [ __ ] and then. Zade sees me so he does it they pull us. in there to the instructor. um room in there and they start yelling. us where the [ __ ] is what did you guys. do. and um one of the start just stops.

everything he's like oh my God smells. like a whiskey Factory in here you boys. been drinking all night I'm like oh God. we're done so we tell them what happened. they're like you guys are done like you. guys are out of here like go back to the. class we'll let you know but you guys. are. done so all that work man damn and I. thought you idiot you did it again like.

you did it again man you're you worked. your tail off to get into the academy. you worked your tail off to get in the. buds and here we go. again um and we just put our head down. and we got beat before class we had to. show up an hour early and got our asses. Beat Just Zade and I with all the. instructors we got beat an hour after. class for all first phase to hell week. and the worst thing that they made us do. man to this day the worst thing I've. ever done is hand write and hand number. a 5,000-word essay like I don't know if.

you've numbered that but it takes hours. we had to sit there in one two three it. takes forever man every word every word. interesting I'm G to have to try that. Som yeah it's a it's a form of. punishment that I don't wish some of my. worst enemy. man but. uh they gave us a shot they they let us. try hell week and we got through and. they pull us aside afterwards and I was. like we liked you guys and we're going.

to see if you guys could figure it out. if you could we keep you and if not you. you're going to quit anyway so it didn't. matter to us. and uh it all worked out in the end man. good for you what happened to Parker so. Parker was given a shot to um he he they. ended up taking blood and he had not. dranken in long enough where there's no. alcohol so they let him come back into. the class uh he got to hell week um went. all the way through H week but broke. both his legs and got medically. discharged so he's off doing good things.

now I think he's working with his dad's. business in Texas if I remember. correctly don't quote me on that but. he's pretty successful Dude too right on. right on well on that not let's take a. quick break and then we'll pick it up. back at. buds when I first started this whole. podcasting thing an online store was. about as far from my mind as you can get. and now most of you already know this. but I'm selling vigilance Elite gummy. bears online we actually have an entire. merch collection that's coming soon and.

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so what were what are some memorable. experiences that happened to you in hell. week that just stick. out yeah oh. man I think uh for me I I don't think. I've been more nervous in my life. than than the night before hell week. like sitting in that tent sleeping I. don't know how dudes passed out there. was guys snoring in there I'm like dude.

I'm sitting there on edge ansy just like. oh dude it's coming it's coming it's. coming here it. is and I just remember looking down up. and down the T there dudes passed out. snoring I'll never forget that and then. boom it happened right like the breakout. for me. was that was one of the most memorable. because I mean one I knew it was coming. you heard about you you've seen it on on. Discovery Channel but until it happens. like you just don't know right and then.

machine gun going off with the blanks. everybody yelling at you flipping Cs and. there you go here we go and uh I. remember looking up and down and there's. a photo of me in the front Lan and rest. with just water hitting the like. spraying with the hose and I have the. biggest grin ever like it's finally here. like The Crucible is finally here I. finally get to to do it and I I love. that photo I I I don't have it framed. but I look at it quite you know as I go. through some of the my favorite photos. it pops up every year or two uh I'm.

probably going to frame that one because. that that for me that emotion that. feeling of of working your tail off. almost flubbing it up with the whole you. know Hugo Bay bridge jumping incident um. but then finally being able to be in it. like you earned it now let's see what. you can do with it and um that was. probably the most memorable for me did. you have any portions where you thought. you were going to.

quit not in hell week but in third phase. um third phase yeah no way yeah San. Clemente you you went all the way to. third phase and then thought about. quitting there was a fleeting moment man. where so it was it was the time of year. and we had Thanksgiving off and the. structures are super nice to us they're. like oh you guys are just going to go to. San Clemente take your time and you know. enjoy the holidays when we come back.

January it's going to be we're just. going to a gentleman's course out there. psychologically they had planted that. seed and I had no idea what they were. doing Thanksgiving come back we do a. little bit of workouts between. Thanksgiving and Christmas break and. then we go off for Christmas I'm. crushing pumpkin pies like eating turkey. and ham ice cream on top of my apple pie. we come back and it's still playing the. game they're like this is you know. they're just going to going to go out. there we're going to do some demo it's. going to be awesome we land on that. plane and they beat the living piss out.

of us from the second we got there until. like the second we left and it was. raining it was January you know how how. SoCal is so it's just it's cold not too. cold but cold enough where you're. miserable and you're completely soaked. from this drizzle that's happening in. this Marine layer and and you're running. up and down with the pallets on your. back and I was like this is by by far. the worst part of buds for me like and. it didn't help like the instructors had.

car blanch out there so like there's no. the commands not there they're not. overlooking the instructors so we had. one dude who is a good friend now and. he's a coach in the plant medicine space. but back then he was the biggest drunk. and he would first like every morning we. wake up and we'd have to figure out a. way to get to the chow hall without. running into instructor. Burns oh yeah. and we' like kind of maneuver out like. where is he see and we take off and all.

of a sudden you hear him he'd be in the. in the trees behind up like behind the. trash cans he' be under like I was just. like dude this dude's everywhere and he. would beat the living piss out of you. all breakfast you wouldn't get breakfast. and I hated him man I was like dude so. every bit of that was just horrible for. me I hated it and there was times where. I was like I don't want to do this man. yeah were they targeting you it was. everybody it was the whole class felt. like me but it was everybody. yeah right on man well so you get.

through buds you go through rescue what. team you going to I go to four four yep. how was it arriving at. four yeah they took her Trident put him. in the bird cage said we we didn't earn. [ __ ] and um and then we hopped on the. road man it was a condensed I don't know. if you were part of that I think you. were where they were condensing the. workup Cycles but we were. we were going to Baghdad and we were. leaving in nine. months um but it was fun man I had a.

couple Brothers there were with me from. Buds and you know the old guys were. pretty good they were really focused on. hey we're going to war so they weren't. [ __ ]. um no hazing none of that there were. some there were some yeah but I don't. think hearing some of the other stories. and the other teams like I think we got. off easy yeah yeah yeah I don't know how. it was for you like how was. how was it for you it was I deserved. everything that came my way.

so ladies gentl the next congressman. from the Third District of uh of. Tennessee here yeah uh no I mean you. know when I showed up I was it was uh. the older guys in my platoon when I. showed up had had really bad hazing. experiences and they decided that they. weren't going going to do that to the uh. to the new. generation and. then and then I got cocky and uh and I.

got my ass handed to me on a silver. platter couple of different times and. and uh eventually wised up yeah so I. mean it was there it was happening where. guys were slipping up um and they do the. fun like it wasn't fun it was still. hazing but um I think it was a little. lighter they liked us. still beat us but um again like I've. heard some horror stories now there was. one incident we were in land Warfare and.

me and that same dude. Zade [ __ ] up you guys were on the same. platoon yep oh man I know wow and uh. same troop he was in a different platoon. but um we were big hunters and on the. army base there in Fort chaffy. Arkansas there's like this huge Impact. Zone where they drop bombs and it's off. limits there's a lot of like ranges that. are off limits well Zade and I would.

take one of the side by sides and just. go out there and hunt and it started off. like hey let's get one for the platoon. or for the. troop and we'll we'll butcher it up. we'll bring it back and we'll Grill and. we'll have the other platoon Grill while. one's out doing runs and vice versa we. reading fresh Ven and it was awesome. second weekend I we went through that. like that a couple runs all the meat was. gone so let's get a couple more so the. second weekend we go out there and we. shoot a couple more uh on the first.

day and then we're not wanting to. butcher up all these animals so then we. let's just take like the hind quarters. and the backstraps the good meat and. then it became let's just take the back. straps and then blood lust set set in. dude and we just started killing. everything oh it got bad so bad that um. Monday morning we're back on the ranges. and he elbows me and I look at him he.

get tells me to kind of look up and I. look. up and I see turkey vultures circling. and I start counting I'm like one two. three 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 15 different. sites where we had put down deer and. taking the meat off of it well somebody. saw us running around doing this. reported it to the game ward and we're. sitting there counting this and the. instructors come out it's like hey who.

was out shooting freaking deer this past. weekend and z and I put our hand up he's. like you dumb asses like the game Wen is. on his way like he'll be here this. afternoon you guys have a couple hours. to go get all the. carcasses and we're going to blow. them it's 100° out there and it's only. the weekend but by the time we get to. the first carcass it is covered in. maggots. and it was one of the most vile things. I've ever done in my life this saying. you're just picking these up and you're. like throwing them in the back of the.

trailer and you're going from sight to. sight you're just kind of honing in on. like okay that those vultures are right. there there they are and then we pick it. up dude it was disgusting you're covered. in it was nasty man all bet we get it to. the site we blow that thing up all the. evidence is gone but dude we got beat. for that one and rightfully so they beat. the living piss out of us what did the. game warden say uh he he was friends. with everybody and like let me just say. like I would never do that now I I have. such respect for like hunting and.

harvesting and a different point of My. Life um so I respect like when we go. hunt we we Harvest everything and we it. feels our freeze our freezer with elk or. deer and back then we were just I was an. idiot I'll speak for myself um gay Mor. was friends with the instructors and by. the time they get there it was all. cleaned up he basically pulled us aside. said don't ever do that [ __ ] again like. people are watching you guys. so damn dude yeah I. know so stupid yeah largest year I ever.

shot there was from there and I got it I. got it in my I got it somewhere I'm not. going to say where yeah. yeah so you so condensed condensed. workup cycle workup cycle for those that. are listening that don't know that's. basically the training that you do. before you go out it's it's the training. you do with the people you're going to. go to war with before you actually go to. war so they condense it down to 9 months. it's usually usually a year and a half. yeah that's right it's usually 18 months.

yeah 18-month cycle with a six-month. deployment so I mean did you feel did. you know where you were going yeah we. were going to Baghdad how'd that feel I. mean I mean it felt awesome right like. it's everything that we've done has been. to go to war. um and you know again I look back I mean. you're I'm I'm answering that question. from like the 22 23y old kid that has. worked his tail off to do that uh. Looking Back My Views maybe have changed.

a bit like but you know that's who I was. back then and I was so pumped man we. were all pumped yeah um so I think we. reli team8 at the time in. Baghdad pretty sure we. did um I can't remember but we got in. and there was two different task force. that we were associated with so we split. The Troop up and we just started getting. after it and it. was it was I mean it's kind of like the.

movies man we're going to we were. talking about it earlier going to a. solder City like that thing was that. thing was a hornet's nest and on one of. my first mission I'm the Le lead Vic. driver right so I'm Mobility I'm driving. I'm in the lead vehicle and I got this. really good dude next to me he was our. troop Chief um hertog he came from Dam. Neck he was he was our troop Chief at. the time time and on the way out there. they're burning tires early warning. signals let everybody know the Americans. are coming we do what we got to do um.

hit the target come out we're driving. and I'm looking to my left and I'm like. oh man that's strange what are those. things and I'm like seeing like little. flashes it's l it felt like an eternity. if to me it looked like. fireflies it wasn't obviously uh it was. gunfire M and Ed basically like hits me. upside the head he like dude what the. [ __ ] are you doing drive and then it all. like s like like the tunnel vision came.

out I'm like oh my God we're getting. shot at you hear like Ting Ting Ting I'm. like oh [ __ ] and just take off damn one. of my first missions I was like had no. idea what was going on all the training. in the world I'm like hey there's flyer. FES in solder City how cool is that yeah. well let's rewind so you land a bag dad. Y what year is this this is 05 06 I'm. pretty sure sure maybe it was 607 okay. yeah so you land in Baghdad what is. what's the mission what are you what are. they briefing you guys up on yeah so.

we're going after uh we're doing raids. we're working with two different Iraqi. units so we partner with uh some partner. forces the ictf and the eru and we're. just going after guys that are cell. leaders like IED cell. leaders um basically anybody in the. Target set in that vicinity that we were. working in uh so due dud that were. killing other guys um and that's yeah we. split off into those two groups and we.

started doing like it felt like missions. every maybe every other night sometimes. two missions a night right off the bat. right off the bat well let's go through. your first mission just as a as a brand. new guy you've only been at a Seal Team. for 9 months yeah now you're in the. thick of it. and I mean that was a very hot time. period yep. that first one man uh it was a Hilo op.

so you know we came in and I was with. one of the assault teams and so just did. the brief we hopped on the birds did the. rehearsals like we always do and then. hopped on the bird and went to. Target and um we do the you know one. minute out everybody's getting gear. ready I got the night vision on and. we're I'm looking around the helicopter. and uh seeing the TLs they're doing my. TL and I'm basically just going to be on. his hip and and hauling ass to to the. door um to the breach.

point and then um I'm peeking my head. over the so we were in Blackhawks and. the doors are off and I'm peeking my. head over the side and I see like. gunfire coming. up that I knew was not uh fireflies that. was gunfire and dudes are like shooting. we land and we immediately go to cover. right like so I I mean we're taking fire. and I go hi behind the smallest little. berm like it felt like the smallest. little BM it it really was I was like.

hiding there like trying to like get. behind this. thing and um I mean we're all engaging. and we're starting com start coming up. and we're starting to move maneuver to. Target and um I get a tap on the. shoulder and I'll never forget is this. guy ended up going to damn neck I he's. still in I'm not going to say who it is. great dude he was awesome he was the TL. he test me on the shoulder like what are. you doing it's like I'm taking cover and. he's like John Wayne gun hanging he's. like dude let's go just calm as could be.

and I'm like literally cowering like my. whole 180 body behind this thing and he. just walks off and I'm like oh okay and. I started like the blinders came off and. I was like okay fire over there taking. fire over there we're not there's nobody. shooting at us right now it was like all. around me but not towards us so we start. walking over I run and he's walking he. looks at me and I I see him Shake I can. see the nods mhm he's just like such. disgust and disappointment is.

like that was I mean that was it we blew. the front door back then we were blowing. everything threw a slap charge on the. gate like gate was open let's close the. gate let's blow the [ __ ] gate yeah. doors open let's close the door blow. that and then we took down the building. and uh I mean it was everything clicked. after that moment when he was like let's. go it was just like right back into the. training okay got it like we're in. Patrol now I'm covering down like we're. flowing it started to get into that flow.

State mhm where nobody was saying [ __ ]. and it was just I mean it felt like an. orchestra dude it was just like it was. happening the music was happening people. were lining up nobody was saying you. know X cute X cute X you boom and we're. in the building and now we're flowing. off each other's hips and taking down. rooms and hopping back in the train and. then next thing you know Target secure. and I was just. like damn that's [ __ ] awesome yeah.

yeah did you engage anybody on that. first op not on the first one no when. did you how many Ops went through before. you it was it's probably like our third. or fourth op when we when we started. engaging and solder city after that was. every night like when we were in solder. dude we were shooting um in the. turret buddy was lead turret Gunner um I. remember when I first engaged he was. lead turet Gunner and same dude.

zadok we had just got the Min guns in. the in the lead turret do you remember. this we never had Min guns okay you. ready for a funny hilarious story this. made the this made the national. news we have a tendency to make get. ourselves into trouble and do stupid. things so I'm going to try to not knock. this but he's the Turk Gunner doesn't. lock in the. seat there's a guy coming around around. the corner and ISR lets him know hey. he's coming around the corner Zade puts. the gun on him doesn't lock in the seat.

guy comes around the corner and he hits. the. button and this [ __ ] turn. went oh man it took down telephone light. post buildings like everything started. collapsing in front of us it oh my. gosh everything started collapsing dude. that was the first I'll never forget. that was hilarious dude. um but that's Zade zade's a he's a good. man and uh he does funny [ __ ] all the. time you just got to spend five minutes.

with them and you're going to laugh nice. yeah so what was the. up uh most of what we did was we were. going after high uh like hvts so high. value targets um. and for that first deployment it ranged. um it ranged. from again I mentioned like IED cell. leaders so like we were going after the. big wigs that were like the the the the. bosses for these different cells was a.

capture kill it was what were you guys. doing capturing or killing it was it was. both it was both what was the. determination um if I mean back then it. was it was prior to Obama coming in an. office so we had like you know if. there's a threat if you feel there was a. threat then you can take taken and. evolved I don't know if you were. deploying during that time but then it. was like you know you got to they got to. point a weapon at you you got to be.

fired at first it got really squirly. people were getting hurt because their. second guessing MH their training but. back then it was like if you. felt like you you needed to take a shot. you could do it yeah for example the. first dude I was a wrecky I was on the. wcky team and uh we would use. telephone like uh tent poles and put. them on these these Contraptions that. opened up and they had teeth so the. buildings overseas were flat as as you.

know but we would basically raise this. device it would capture and we have a. soft caving ladder and we would climb to. the roof and secure it that way like. secure the target building or climb the. target building and we started taking. down the targets from the roof but we. would climb the target building and uh. the dude we were going after just to. Happ to come out the top he was like. there's a KOA and door right usually on. these buildings and he came out and um. we ided him and put him down right away.

and that was the first dude I. killed let's get a little more. descriptive. yeah. so we go in he comes out he's running. and he's hopping over a building and. it's for me to the door so like I don't. know 10 ft away and just put the laser. on them and. I forgot about this um the. boys I yell.

freeze oh my. gosh I forgot about this dude oh my God. the guys gave me so much [ __ ] they said. we heard you for [ __ ] miles away like. the blocking forces heard you I said. freeze and that dude kept that dude kept. running and and uh put him down and I. hopped over where' you head on. I hit him in the back and the like he. was kind of running sideways so like rib. cage and uh he went down a couple shots.

at him and I hop over the buildings were. set up where the roofs were kind of. there was like a wall around maybe a 4ft. wall around the roofs of these buildings. so you would have to hop over and they. were all connected on these blocks but I. would h i hopped over and he was still. like alive he was still and uh he was on. his back and I walked up to him. and um looked him in the eyes and got on. top of him like to make sure you know he. was dead he wasn't at that point and. just sat there and watched him like.

physically this is the second moment in. my life where I had a. spiritual um event happened I watched. his Spirit leave his body like I watched. his eyes go gray I watched that last. breath like I physically watched. whatever was in inside of him Spirit. whatever you believe in I believe. there's a spirit in us and I watch that. leave his soul like his soul leave his. body what did it look.

like it. um it was it was more the eyes so his. eyes just instantaneously lost life like. and I've seen it with some animals. before when I because I hunt quite a bit. but I've never seen it like this and it. was just him breathing out I'm on top of. them. and um I could tell it was about to. happen you know the the the breathing. started getting. complicated and I just sat there and I.

watched him in his eyes for like 20. seconds and it just went gray like that. gray and um heard that last gasp and to. me like there was there was nothing that. left like I didn't see anything that. left but like an in felt it yeah it was. an intuition and I could feel the energy. shift I mean he was. done why did.

you stop and look him in the eyes do you. know I don't was it curiosity of what it. would look like to see another man die. it's it it could be that. um yeah I don't know man like I was. standing over top of him and that I've. seen him like I see him I've seen that. guy I mean he was a horrible dude he. killed 30 plus Marines he was he had a. bomb shop they were killing dudes left.

and right. so. um he needed to go right like he needed. to leave this earth mhm but I still see. him I see him when I do plant medicine I. sometimes I see him when I dream like. when I'm in dreams I see that and I've. actually had a conversation with that. dude like never said a word in in in my. dream but we had like a. conversation um so it doesn't haunt me. like telepathic type conversation yeah.

like I'll be I'll be dreaming and he'll. come to me and we'll talk about like. without saying a word we'll talk about. what happened like we'll talk about like. how he had gone to the darkness and was. doing dark. things uh we'll talk about like that his. Spirit left his body and he's now. in a holding pattern if you. will uh until he's repopulated in into. this earth like I've again I've never I.

lost my faith until that very moment and. then I was like holy [ __ ] when I saw his. his Spirit leave when I felt not see. when I felt his Spirit leave for me I. was just like. okay I believe like there's something. here I believe like I lost it for so you. hold on so this is a profound moment oh. yeah. so the. same at the exact same moment you killed.

a man your first man is the same moment. that you reconnected with your. relationship with. God I've never heard that one. before. yeah how often do you see him. maybe a half a dozen times a. year do any of the others come to. you uh there's one so we had uh slap.

charge through on the front door blew it. and um she doesn't come to me there was. a woman behind the door and it blew her. face I mean it was [ __ ] up. dude that's more of a nightmare for me. like I see that quite I see that face. and I just feel so horrible like that. was I mean that's unfortunately and I. don't mean to sound callous here like. that's the that's what that's War that's.

you know B that's. collateral but that bothers me man as. I've matured and grown grown older and. wiser I. think I I I I start seeing some of these. moments like that one specifically where. I'm just like man we we ruined that. woman's life. we we rued a lot of people's lives we. were doing a good thing getting people. off this Earth but there is collateral. damage and. that who's to say what's appropriate and.

what's not right like hey yeah we. Shrugged it off back then and. compartmentalized everything but brother. you know for all the veterans out here. that have done something similar. like it'll come back out it comes back. out so make sure you're prepared to deal. with it like have a network of guys that. you can talk to gals that you can talk. to a therapist. or. um because all the stuff that you tucked.

away and you didn't want to deal with. it's it's going to over overflow at some. point and it's going to cause. catastrophe if you don't if you don't. get ahead of. it what is it like when when you see her. I I know exactly I mean it's like. reliving that moment it's not. like a conversation no this is this is. more she ended up to my knowledge. living um whereas this one is like the. the first dude was a guy that I.

witnessed the spirit leave this one was. just it was probably the first time in. the teams where I was like man that is. that's pretty gnarly like that's I. grimed and was like that's we [ __ ] her. face up like her face was gone you. weren't proud of it. no I see it I mean we're in between two. buildings there's hilos flying I. remember looking up there's hilos flying. above we blew the freaking building and.

she comes out of the. smoke um and I just remember like. through the cloud of smoke she comes out. and you can just see like her face is. gone her eyes gone her face is [ __ ]. damn and uh the human to human. connection like we're all humans. here like I got hit with that in my. heart I was like [ __ ] like this push all. the stuff that's going on right now. aside like we're in war we're going.

after Bad Dudes like this wasn't. supposed to. happen yeah so I see that one quite a. bit actually man damn I'm. sorry with the man you. killed it sounds like he's talking about. reincarnation yeah. yeah um how long do these conversations.

last I don't know how to judge time when. I'm when I'm on. medicine I don't know if you feel the. same like it feels like an eternity. sometimes and then I look at the watch. and it's been 30 seconds I'm like [ __ ] I. just took this. thing and then this kind of the same in. in the SP in the dream world right like. I'm. dreaming it feels like in a eternity of. us sitting there having. conversations and it's a specific guy. it's not others it's just I don't know.

why this one maybe it was the first. maybe that's where Faith came back into. me I I don't know why. dude but we don't say anything it's. almost like we sit here we. stand and say everything without saying. anything you know it's it's it's it's. it's interesting you say that I just. interviewed uh By the time this comes. out this interview will be months uh in. the past but I just interviewed this guy. Joe mcmonagle okay have you heard of him. no have you heard of remote viewing no.

okay so remote viewing so you've you've. seen like some true crime yeah whatever. law order I don't know every once in a. while they'll bring in the psychic right. yeah and it's oh it happened over there. in the corner and uh the woman used a. knife and the bodies you know yeah well. that shit's real. and so Joe mcmonagle was the first. remote viewer ever for the that the US. used he was the first guy through the. star G program oh wow and um anyways.

when he. talks I talked to him. about this kind of stuff and um and in. and if we all have these. abilities and he believes that we all. have the ability but that it has been. diminished over time as technology uh. has come about in phones and TV and. radio and and and even. just Society you know with with human.

connection and uh but he basically says. you know in the in the beginning days. you know before there was language. that's how we communicated we would just. [ __ ] grunt at each other and point at. [ __ ] but you. knew it's almost as if language has has. slowed down the communication process. that's interesting man. and because we were so we were it was. just Instinct and it was.

just you know I mean [ __ ] we only use. 10% of our brain right yeah and uh but. but that's it it that's how he kind of. describes it's just interesting and then. you're here couple weeks later telling. me hey dude it's have you ever had. I went to I went to University overseas. and. like I ran into a.

dude that's in the program with me so. we're in the NBA program. um didn't say a [ __ ] word but knew. this dude like I know you dude and I. didn't know him he's he's English from. the UK he's got a marketing company but. like everything in me went off was like. dude you know this guy and vice versa he. said the same thing like he ended up. working on the business with me at. school so in mind health we worked on it. together and. like it's like we knew each other and I.

don't know if you've ever experienced. that like I've never met the [ __ ]. dude and I wonder like I've read there's. a book called Many Lives Many Masters I. don't know if you've read that but it's. a doctor that interviewed. people um that basically talk about. reincarnation so they he'll sit down and. interview them and they'll tell them. very descriptive things that have. happened in the past but they're like a. poor woman from a third world country. that's never been to this other country.

but she's describing like histor or they. start speaking a language again poor. like third world person that doesn't. speak multiple but just starts speaking. fluent languages and starts describing. something that happened in ancient Egypt. that only like sophisticated Scholars. have access to and so they talk about. these you know past lives which you were. talking about earlier and I start to. wonder man it's like I've had. dreams about like us I think we are a.

different class I think we are worse of. us fighting in Generations past as. Knights like is that a. dream I don't know man like it's because. it feels so real in the moment if I'm on. medicine on plant medicine it's wild. it's like you're tapping. into a it's like you're you're tapping. into a different Consciousness. mhm I mean is that how I'm curious like. what's been your.

experience with with medicine and have. you. had that kind of different conscience. wavelength that people talk about where. you absolutely. absolutely. and sometimes I still question it you. know is is that is that real is that. but you know I.

don't man it's hard it's hard to. describe but you know cuz I've talked. about my uh couple of my Journeys before. but when I do. medicine I don't get a lot of. visuals I. don't necessarily relive events from the. past but it is a lot of. communication happening yeah and the and. the communication that's happening is.

is how do I describe it's almost like a. download yeah it's. like okay so if I'm going to load a new. program into your computer it would take. me forever to talk about you know to. teach the computer how to utilize the. program and all the right. whereas whereas when you just stick in a. thumb drive just gets it yeah and that's. how I. feel plant medicine works on me is.

there's not a whole lot of communication. things just all of a sudden. become clear yeah does that make sense. 100% too and uh it it would be it would. be. like I've never played lacrosse before. don't know the rules tools don't know. the equipment don't know anything about. lacrosse and then 5 Seconds goes by and. I know everything there is to know about.

Lacross and everything makes sense and I. know what position I'm going to be in. and I know I know the outcome of what's. about to happen and. and that's kind of. how my experience has been with plant. medicine thus far. yeah. yeah I I agree man like I think about my. life postplant medicine and like the. path I'm on I'm not a tech guy I don't. know Ai and machine learning but like. the idea came to me for Envy like.

there's a better way to help people like. why aren't we doing this and um it was. similar it like boom here's the idea. it's an. elevated intelligence. yeah yeah I mean there is one journey. and not to go down this path. um but I'll just share this one story I. kind of just was on doing some healing.

for myself and the medicine took me into. this spot and I just. remember I remember it being a little. hazy and there was people outside of the. haze and I can see the people but they. couldn't see me but they felt me there. and I was like dude this is what it must. feel like when people talk about like. ghost or something or like they felt. something or there's a spectre in the. room or you know I felt like I was that. I could see everybody in this other.

dimension or world I don't know where I. was at and they could feel me and they. could tell something was off there's. like an energy shift here in the room it. was it was like again we talk about it's. just it's an intelligence that it's hard. to describe people are probably. listening to this like what the [ __ ] are. those two dudes talking about they're. absolutely thinking that. it's it's like instincts that were never. there all all of a sudden are there and. the instincts that you have already.

are supercharged Y and um yeah that's. how it is with me. yep but back to let's go back to Iraq so. you've just shot your first man yeah. and what happens next on that. op um. did you know immediately that was the. cell leader no when did you find that. out when when I got over top.

them yeah. [Music]. and uh we you know we did SSE so just. took all the I mean there was a treasure. Trove of stuff in. there so we got that and um I think that. was a vehicle op so we just pulled the. vix right up and uh Target was Secure we. loaded everything into the vix and uh we. took off. and dude it was was it was nothing like.

to me it just felt like I did my job. right like it was like okay let's uh. let's go back let's go get some cow. debrief get some cow and let's do it. again. tomorrow did you feel a overwhelming. sense of accomplishment oh yeah yeah. were you trying to dub it down and act. like it was no big deal absolutely but. the the boys were just like. congratulations man and it was. celebrated and I mean I was glowing I.

was beaming inside right M we signed up. for this we finally did what we signed. up for yeah um I didn't show it I was. just like oh thanks man like no big deal. we're just doing our job type mentality. we're super humble but inside I was just. like. yes hell yeah it came to do. yep yeah. and how long did it take before he. showed up to you he came to. you I was a mess man and didn't know why.

and I think we. compartmentalize everything like we tuck. everything away and like I said earlier. like it's going to come out at some. point. right um I didn't see him until I did my. first journey no kidding yeah so that. was 20. 18 I mean it was 10 plus years later 12. years later. yeah and he just came to me and it was.

peaceful and I apologized for ending him. but he apologized for the hatred he. created and again we're not talking. we're just sitting there and I was. overwhelmed with like shame and I don't. know why but I needed to kind of. release um and that's how I felt doing. it and. um it was like a weight off my shoulders. man it was like you took another human's. life.

right and it doesn't it it still doesn't. bother me but there was just a release. that kind of Set Me Free in other. regards of My Life by having that. communication with that with that spirit. and that's what it is it is Spirit to. Spirit man like our bodies are laying. down if we're like I know you've done it. but it was our Spirits. talking communicating that's fascinating. stuff man thank you for sharing that.

yeah I appreciate that. um so Ops every other night yep all in. solder City it was all over uh the boys. did a pretty gnarly op I wasn't on it. but they went down in theja. oh yeah and that was a hornet nest these. guys stumbled on a pretty big al qaa. training camp and two days later like.

Spectre went Winchester like ran out of. ammo multiple times and Apache was shot. down like the deployment was real yeah. yeah those guys got into it I think. there was like when it was all setting. down it was like 600 plus. casualties uh Kia on that it was real. wow. yeah and the missions were I. mean 600 plus Kia yeah you can look it.

up it's uh najaf you won't hear anything. about Team guys but um because we don't. talk about it that the guys that did it. doesn't show up the green bravs took. credit for it right. on which is cool I always I always mess. with with the guys you guys always. taking credit for of course we got to. write books you guys are always taking. credit for what we're doing. um. but yeah and you know what like all the. things there's so much funny [ __ ] that.

happens on these Ops too so I always. like we always talk about taking the Bad. Dudes off and it was awesome we we took. some really gnarly dudes off Target. killed some really bad people that. shouldn't be on this Earth. anymore but I always love was like the. [ __ ] that happened on these Ops like. because everybody sees the movies and. thinks we're like we're awesome ke. Clearing Houses right like look at these. guys these guys are sick it's like dudes. were tripping we were fighting like. rolling around disappearing in [ __ ].

Creeks like because we couldn't see them. on the nods people would take a step and. completely disappear in [ __ ] because. they used to have these troughs where. all like that it was just we'd make. those dudes right on the outside of the. vehicles because they stunk so bad but. that's the stuff that I always think. about it's not all the you know the work. that we did I'm proud of what we did but. it's just like I I love seen dudes and. just like you remember that time dude. yeah yeah. wow yeah all right so let's wrap up.

let's wrap up your first deployment. you're coming home you got a wife how. many kids at this. point uh two with a third on the. way yeah how was the home. life I thought it was fine but now I'm. smart enough to realize it wasn't fine. right. like I didn't know how to juggle all of. it and I didn't know what good look like.

to be honest with you like we talked. about it I. uh I mean I loved being a team guy it's. everything I wanted to be and like the. tribe was close the women were. close. like but like we have some toxic. behaviors and patterns in the. community that can go off the skids fast. like our drinking like I think we were. all alcoholics I really.

defitely um the fighting like we go into. towns and just like on workup trips and. fight but that was normalized like hey. that's what you just. do the aggressiveness I was aggressive I. wasn't I was short I didn't like I was. in started getting in this mind mindset. it was just like you're one of the. troops like [ __ ] do. this like why aren't you listening to me.

like I didn't know how to be in a. relationship man yeah um and I was it. was easy to hide behind job because oh. we got to you needed somebody to go to. school yeah I'll go to that school. because I don't know how to be at home. with my. wife um and I don't know how to be a. father either dude I did not know how to. be a father how was your wife handling. that. man we would fight argue. [Music]. um there wasn't a relationship there man.

it was just like we're kind of stuck we. got. kids um we're passionate so there'd be. flare ups it'd be good you know but then. it'd be right back to to our Baseline. which was pretty. shitty. and that was the that was normal did you. have. any relationship with your kids at this. point it was superficial man just going.

through the motions. yeah and I don't know what that was I. don't know if that was it's probably a. culmination of things right. like we start getting cold and callous. because of the things that we do the. things that we've seen the things that. we've caused like relationships with our. fathers like Pro definitely a factor in. that and how we think about things. the aggressive behavior of being a team. guy and like wanting to fight and [ __ ]. everything um it was just all those.

factors weighing in and I felt like a. just an empty. shell just going to church and going to. the games and lying next to my wife in. bed and I wasn't there dude I was never. there yeah. so let's get back what kind of schools. were you going. to sniper school was probably the. biggest I did coms but sniper.

was yeah so wrapped up first. deployment and I was one of the guys. that got to go to sniper and that was a. [ __ ] blast yeah yeah another story so. we we show up. and um I couldn't shoot to save my life. dude that the Navy Marksmanship like I. just couldn't do that and I I'm pretty. confident my buddies helped me get into. sniper school I'll leave it at that wait. you couldn't pass the regular Navy.

Marksmanship call dude I was struggling. I holy. [ __ ] so it came down and they sent you. to sniper school so I passed it when we. were back at but for whatever reason the. pressure being at adaberry like you got. to do it again and I couldn't freaking. do it I failed the first one second one. I think it came down to the third one. and uh miraculously. passed. um but we start off and you know Zade.

was my sniper buddy again he shows up. everywhere wow so we're we're a sniper. pair and we just started crushing it um. we ended up getting an honor man and. honor pair so um I I attribute a lot. like me getting honor man to him because. it's easy to pull the trigger it's. really [ __ ] hard to call wind and. this man grew up calling wind in Montana. right like born in Wyoming he knows how. to call wind so like I'm just sitting. back and he's just dropping these all.

I'm doing is this so I ended up getting. an honor man but it was because of that. dude while we were there though man we. had a good time. um you know. Wall-E okay there's two of them little. uh well they're they're both little guys. but good dudes one lives here mhm the. other one's still in now he lives here. yeah in. Tennille I didn't know that pretty sure. I I was friends with his younger brother.

uh Brad wall Walla wander and he was a. riot um stud fastest runner he's like. strongest dude he's just a good good. dude but we be we went to buds together. and we became so close that he knew kind. of my things so he knew how to make me. like I was super ticklish we're in a gvy. van and I'm laid out in like the second. row passed out and this dude hops on top. of me and just sticks his daggers his. fingers into my ribs and I just like.

reaction boom kick out the govy. window right on top of a cop car was. just next to us just pure chance man he. hits the lights and I'm like holy [ __ ] I. start everything starts coming to and I. see an exit I like take the exit take. the exit takes the exit that cop Slams. on the brakes and I was like go go go we. find a parking lot we parked the car and. we we're all hiding in there we see this. cop like rip past us and we're like okay. I think we're clear I like what what's. going on here and there's all these kids. like college kids going into this.

building and it's like let's check it. out I mean we got to kill some time. anyway we can't drive like they're going. to got an APB probably on this [ __ ]. big govy van so we go in there and it's. an art show like a college art show and. there's a keg in. there so we started drinking and looking. at all the art and um we're all there's. probably like 10 of us in there just. [ __ ] around drinking too much finally. they're like get out of here you guys. are [ __ ] like drinking all our beer. you're not even supposed to be here so. we get kicked out of.

there we get into the gvy van and we. drive uh to the University Town um I. think it was University of. Indiana um there's like a college bar. scene there and we hop into the first. bar and I go up to the bar and this guy. just elbows me like hard as hell and I'm. like what the hell man he's like what. the hell really and he walks away and I. was like what the [ __ ] was that I start. like talking to a buddy and I had a tap. on the shoulder and it's that same dude.

and he just punches me right in the. chin the bar separates there's like 10. fraternity dudes and this guy and then. there's like six seven of us in this bar. because a couple Team guys went to. another and they separate the bar and it. stops and I'm yelling at him he's. yelling at me he's like he hit me like. blindsided me and all of a sudden I see. see a little head in the audience or in. the crowd start spinning around and. Wall-E pops out of the crowd looks up at. this dude just [ __ ] back boom knocks.

him and the bar erupts dude like we're. all fighting we go back to back uh we're. fighting our way out one dude gets hit. over the head with the bottle gets. knocked out one of our guys so Zade. picks him up he's got he's got this big. collar shirt I forgot what they were. called seven diamonds did you ever have. one of those no 15 years ago these these. things are like John Travolta shirts. were making their rounds with big eagles. on them and stuff we all had them and he. had when it was white and I threw our.

buddy over his shoulder and um we all. like kind of made xfill went our went. our separate ways some guys hopped in. the river or towards the river some guys. went in other. bars well we got away Zade had to fight. his way out he was the last dude with. because he realized our buddy was. knocked down he picked him up and the. bouncers were right there he like if you. guys come at me I'm going to knock you. guys out and like takes a couple fake. swings and takes off and they chase him. and he hides behind the uh our guyy van.

sticks our buddy underneath the car that. was knocked out and he's calling us. trying to find us and I keep getting. these calls but I'm in another bar. already and I'm like dude I'm like hello. I I can't hear you man we're at this bar. and I keep hanging up on him like five. six seven eight calls he's. Furious it was one of those cowboy doors. to get into the bar that [ __ ] door. swung open slammed I look back and it's. him and he's covered in blood and he. comes over he's like Johnny you. [ __ ] I'm going to kill you and. all the guys were like no calm down we.

freaking he came over to try to he was. pissed that was one that was one of the. times that I thought he was going to he. was going to take a swing at me um they. pared us we call new guys they come pick. us up we're like dude let's just get out. of here this is a [ __ ] show everybody's. pissed off at everybody let's just get. back before we get in more trouble. Monday rolls around and instructor. Sergeant Master Chief Sergeant was the. the head dude at the sniper school and. he pulls everybody up the Vans are.

behind him the ranges are behind him. he's talking to us the whole class is in. front of him Jake's shooting eyes is. completely show like swollen shut and he. looks at us and we got like scars bloody. like black and blue and he's like you. [ __ ] idiots I swear to God if you. guys would have messed up one of my gvy. Vans I'd kick you all out of here the. van that I kicked out was literally. right behind his head the window was. missing right behind his head holy. [ __ ] oh man so he disappeared didn't.

notice it everybody was like go hop in. the the van go take it in to get it. fixed so we got it fixed he never he was. never the wiser. but damn yeah damn just another one of. those stories. yeah so you get back to the team yep. right honor man sniper school where are. you guys going in the next deployment. going back to Baghdad same spot. yeah let's go right there yeah that one.

was uh TF. 17 um so one of the task force and we. were going after Iranian influence. targets what is what is. tf7 so task force were part of Jack uh. jck okay so we were we were working for. jck at the time gotcha. and it was unilateral so we were going. out as a crew not with a partner force. and getting after it nice yeah and it.

was it was another good deployment man. same type of optempo sometimes one a. night sometimes two a night sometimes. one every two days but I mean the target. set was rich there was a lot of folks. and we were taking hilos and Vick and. going back into solder City and other. parts of Baghdad and and we started. covering a bigger group too we were. hitting some of the the surrounding. cities because some of the cells had. pushed out of Baghdad and started uh.

building out over there so we were. taking down targets there as well any. specific operations you want to get into. that were impactful or. eventful you know there was there was I. mean there were all not. all they were pretty good Ops I mean. nothing specific that stands out I mean. we were our tactics had evolved like. back when you and I first started we. were like hostage rescue screaming in.

and dudes were getting hurt and I think. from what I understand like there was a. CAG unit that got completely annihilated. on a barricaded shooter um and they were. doing the hostage rescue tactics and I. think that's where we we revamped. everything and uh started pieing and. clearing rooms and buildings that way so. I just thought like I didn't know any. better I just did what we did this is. the teams and you're a new guy and you. shut up and you and you shake your head. and you get it done but second. deployment is when we're like oh dude.

this makes a lot more sense like if. we're getting shot at why are we running. in there if there's a hostage cool we'll. go do that but we weren't doing too many. hostage rescue. missions um so like let's just sit on. the outskirts and call them in if they. don't come in let's just. have them drop bombs on them I like this. makes more sense to me yeah so it was. cool to see the evolution of war from. when we showed up with Humvees with no. doors to us taking IEDs to us putting.

like Steel on the bottom to protect us. to them using the barricades to shoot. in um IEDs to us put in armor on the. side to them putting bombs on parachutes. over Bridges and dropping on to to us. completely evolving it was a dance man. it was. uh like you got to think quick and we. were just constantly evolving With the. Enemy and it was it was to me it was. just fascinating to watch how fast that.

happened I. mean the technology we had when we first. showed up was not that great and to. think of where it's at today in that. short time period that wasn't I mean. it's been 20 some odd. years I mean it's gotten crazy yeah. that's what I hear it's crazy really. evolved yeah. but previous deployment you weren't a. sniper this deployment you are a sniper. I mean how did that change your role in. the team yeah I ended up becoming a a TL.

so I was a wcky team lead that was. awesome man because I'm a spider monkey. I like to climb and our whole team would. um would do that so the enemy would. evolve barricade the front door back. door the entry points cool we got a. wreck your team up top we'll clear it. from the top down and that was some of. the coolest missions like where we got. to be kind of the the breacher if you. will and like the door on top is always. open right so we'd come through and we'd.

have lasers silence pistols and clear. the the top of the roof then you know. summer months dudes would be and they're. sleeping so we'd be able to to kind of. take those dudes off if we needed to or. you know neutralize dudes if we had to. but for the most part the coolest thing. we got to do is just clearing Billings. from the top down like open that Koopa. door come down to the top floor and just. clear everybody's still sleeping man it. was so easy and then we come down and. sometimes I remember one Mission we came.

down and cleared the third floor second. floor and the first floor and the whole. the whole crew was just sitting there. like the guys we were going after we're. sitting there watching TV had no idea we. were right behind them just s. like and then we take care of business. open the door and I was a smart ass I'm. I've always been a smartass I'm like hey. uh everything's done guys you can go. home like thanks for showing up like The. Assault T TL's and the assault teams are. like [ __ ] you.

Johnny yeah but that was I mean there. was no one mission that stood out it was. just for me I love to. see I like to see I my brain is. analytical I like to see systems I like. to see how to improve systems and to see. that happening live right in front of. your eyes and us be sophisticated enough. as a team be like hey that didn't. [ __ ] work like why didn't that work. hey why don't we try this that's a great.

idea let's try that that Evolution. happened so fast in real time it was so. cool to watch and I think that for me is. helped with this business like we built. something and it was [ __ ] right like it. it's it wasn't good we got feedback take. your emotions out of this let's evolve. the tech what do you need oh oh this. isn't important to you cool this is cool. no emotions tell me it's a piece of [ __ ]. let's evolve it and we keep going and I. mean I think I shared with you last year.

was a tough year for a lot of startups. us being one of them we're resilient we. won't stop and we'll inevitably figure. out how to help with this suicide. epidemic like no doubt um and it's not. going to look like what it looks like. today I promise you that so not to go on. a segue there but I think that's where I. learned how to do that so well it's just. like you got to be quick on your feet. you got to Pivot fast and I think the. teams taught us that for sure yeah. definitely well Johnny let's um let's.

wrap up your second deployment unless. there's anything else you want to. cover no I think uh no now we're all. good there let's take a break. cool how many guys out there are worried. about brain health you know all we hear. about is Fitness everybody's getting. ready for bikini season cuz Spring's. right around the corner I'm personally. more concerned about my brain you look. around you see all these brain diseases.

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promo code SRS that'll save you. 20% all right we're back from the break. we just wrapped up your second. deployment and before we move into your. augment I'd like to talk about the. operation that you were on with Mike. day yeah so uh I wasn't on that specific. Mission our team yeah so just to be. clear about that um we were our troop.

was stationed in Baghdad and that troop. was uh I think that platoon was um where. were. they oh man I can't remember where they. were at but we had just wrapped up our. last op and that one was going live and. um I mean we're all at the same team. same deployment like I knew Mike I knew. that crew I didn't know him well at that. point I got to know him a hell of a lot. better later but to witness or listen to. that [ __ ] go down.

dude and I had no idea sounds like the. guys there a lot of my buddies were. there as well like how they described it. um they didn't even know he had fallen. through the crease of the door so I. guess what happened was from what I. understand hearing from the guys that. were there um barricaded shooters uh. they went in and um he ended up getting. shot and fell through the the crease and. the guys had backed off so he was in. there the enemy thought he was.

dead and he was shot 27 times I believe. yeah so this dude Mike the chief of the. platoon shot 27 times they do a head. count realize he is uh missing they. realize he's still in there again the. enemy in there is barricaded they're. shooting out the platoon Mike comes too. took a lot of rounds in the plates but. also other parts of his. body um comes to and and kills everybody.

in the room what yeah so he so he kills. everybody in the room uh and basically. walks out the guys receive him put him. on a metac they take him out and um how. many guys were in the room I think there. was three from yeah and don't me on that. again I wasn't there but this is hearing. from the Buddies like we had a bunch of. new guys that showed up to Team Four at. the same time and they were in that. platoon and a couple old guys that I. became really close with kind of shared.

the story with me but that dude walked. out after being shot 27. times is that crazy holy [ __ ]. yeah Mike day committed. suicide I believe it was last year it. was. was if I remember correctly I didn't. know Mike I knew his brother yeah uh but. he had just released a book yeah am I.

right yeah from from what I understand. he just released the book and he had. some I think we all carry demons um I. got to know Mike really well because of. the nonprofit uh that I started and a. lot of folks knewe Mike and wanted to. help. Mike and you and I talked about this as. a breakfast um you could throw all the. resources in the world at a dude but if. they're not ready to receive if they're.

not in a good place to to commit to. [ __ ] doing healing and not to say he. wasn't he just had a lot going on it was. challenging to support him and part of. it was he at times it felt like from my. perspective he didn't think he needed. the help it was a handout I don't want. the help. and there's other times that he took it. right so he was a complex human and I. imagine what he went through kind of. layered into that. complexity but when I heard he took his.

life last year. man I remember we were actually in a on. a call with my team so the the Envy team. and that happened I got the text and I. was just. like I got to go like I just I just had. to [ __ ] walk away like I needed to go. outside. and the thing is and you know this man. it's like those calls happen three four. five times a year now. mhm yeah so not to to get too far ahead.

of ourselves but like yeah he he. survives. that you know stays in the. teams like heals up tough son of a gun. heals up and continues to do the job and. then he retires. and um started sharing his story was. inspiration to me and others like I me. getting shot 27 times surviving killing. everybody all the bad guys in the room. walking out like you're a [ __ ] tough.

dude right like and he would share that. story and what it taught him and I. learned a lot from him and again I. started becoming close with him through. the. nonprofit um what Drew you close to. him what was it about. Mike there's a couple things man one is. I saw myself in him in the sense that. like I had the same mentality at one. point that I don't need the help right. like so I gravitated to the guys that I.

thought I needed help probably because I. saw myself in a [ __ ]. mirror. um so he was pretty messed up like I. think alcohol was a pretty big issue at. points and I know he you know at points. he did he kind of cleaned it up at other. points he struggled with it. but everybody knew he needed help and we. all tried and again at times he took it. so I think for me it was just I always. go to where the.

biggest issue. is um and at some points over the last. decade Mike was at the top of that. pyramid damn yeah that was. uh I think that was a surprised to a lot. of people. yeah you know there's some folks. like there's some folks that said they. weren't surprised right like it was to.

me sounds like it was to you it was to a. lot of people but there's others that. like knew and. just was like it's only a matter of time. and I didn't know him well enough to. have that perspective. but yeah it caught me off guard man d. well I'm sorry yeah same man it's same. to you I mean it's our community and. it's hard to witness our brothers taking. their lives.

dude. yeah yes it is and we'll uh we'll dig. more into this y I have a lot to say but. we'll wait cool um so you get back from. that deployment and then you do an. augment yep what is an. augment so at the time Dam Neck was um. allowing some of the guys from the teams. to come over and augment their.

deployment so if you were thinking about. um screening over there they let you. come over uh if you just wanted to. augment and go on another deployment. they'd let you come over for the most. part so I got to augment one of the. squadrons there and it was an awesome. deployment we got one of the Omega. stations and we were in uh. it's a 4mth stint I mean it was it was. great different Mission set like there's. a Secret Squirrel type Mission set where. we're growing out beards and wearing.

garbs and snatching dudes off the. streets um so for me as you know. somebody that wasn't over at Dam Neck. for got that exposure it was it was it. was awesome to kind of see the things. that they were doing and how they were. doing them and the resources they had to. do them with so we spent yeah I guess. all in all was probably 20 plus missions. while we were there over the span of. four months so it wasn't as freaking as. it was when you and I were in uh in. early in the early 2000s in Baghdad but.

nevertheless like there were cool. missions well thought out and like I. mean one of the dudes we snatched off. Target we were just like sitting in one. of these little jundy Vicks you remember. those vans yeah and we're all in there. going through checkpoints all garbed up. with like turp as drivers and we're just. sitting on the side of the road and he's. supposed to to be there like 2 hours ago. his pattern of life was coming out of. his house and I was asleep dude I had. passed out and all of a sudden one of. the dudes just opens the door and he had. an MP7 like and I'm like what's going on.

I see him step out of the car grab the. dude and throw him in there close the. door and I was like all right we're on. our way it's like that that dude ended. up being an al- qaa dude with dual. citizenship with another. country uh Germany and it was a pretty. big Target we pulled off um and this guy. was a Treasure Trove Treasure Trove of. Intel nice that was passed. out I didn't do much go team yeah what.

uh I mean what were what were some of. the. differences that so for those listening. Dam Neck is SEAL Team Six what were some. of the differences that you noticed from. coming over from Team Four over to Team. Six I think the overline overall. Baseline was just higher right for me. that was my view because I think the. maturity level was you know you got. young guys like me coming out of buds. and like we're just idiots and getting. ourselves into trouble but when you go.

there you got to do a couple platoons. before you even try out for it so I. think a lot of guys got their [ __ ] out. of their system and came there and were. more mature in my opinion so it was just. super. professional uh it was my first time. working with the agency folks too so. that was interesting to see the Dynamics. there and. and how we all played together um so for. me yeah I think it was just you know. discipline maturity and just the the. [ __ ] that we were doing like I was doing.

getting into trouble wasn't prevalent. there guys were laser focused on the job. nice yeah. nice you know usually when guys do a. deployment with them that fires them up. but you got home from that and you. separated yeah correct yeah what what. was the determining. Factor yeah so there was. uh I actually had screened so I tried. out. um and I did the PST or the PRT scored.

my scores were fine but at that time I. had uh Financial like my I almost had to. foreclose on my home so the command was. like you got too much financial [ __ ]. going on get this in order and rescreen. and for me I was just like I I'm going. to get out so I mean I wanted to go. there and unfortunately like I got. myself into a pickle with um with a.

house that we bought in Virginia Beach. and almost foreclosed on it so damn that. was that was probably the determining. Factor yeah. yeah [ __ ] so when that happens I fail. and I fail fast I fail a lot and I fail. fast so I don't know if that would be a. failure or just a different path I had. to take nevertheless I was like what's. next. um I still had a couple years that I had. to fulfill and for me it was like okay. let's set our eyes on on Corporate. America I don't even know what to do out.

there I don't even have friends outside. of the teams like I'm from Clarksville. Tennessee U I did have my degree so I. started looking at like well if I'm. going to be a high performer here what. are some of the other Industries and. this isn't the right way to think about. this after starting a nonprofit that. helps seals transition and find their. next purpose I highly recommend any. veterans don't like map out what you. think is like the high performing groups. like Wall Street and consultancy. companies man like there's something. inside of you that you're passionate.

about like figure it the [ __ ] out like. if you like making coffee like go buy a. coffee roter and like read everything. about it watch YouTube videos and open. up a shop like because what I did is I. was like Goldman Sachs Equity trading. and team guy in my head it was like both. high risk that's what I want to do did. you know anything about Finance zero. obviously you're in Ian I had a. foreclosure. on obviously not.

Sean obviously not man um yeah but again. like I'm like you like you you shared. with me how this whole thing like I I I. was it was the library area right so I'd. go to the library and start reading up. on things um start watching. videos and um I thought that's what I. wanted to do the whole premise for the. seal Future Foundation the organization. we created 12 years ago was to help guys.

get mentors so you can ask the stupid. questions. like get relationships with jobs and. businesses so you can go sit in the seat. so you're not like Johnny Wilson like. signing on the dot a line and then. showing up day one as an equity trador. like I don't know what to do like I. don't even know what this job is right. um we always talk about find your your. purpose and passion and your team and I. I still believe that to that day like to. this day go pursue whatever you're.

passionate about man whatever that is. that's probably your purpose in it and. then find your tribe like find good. dudes that and gals that you can. trust so um so that's what I did man I. laser focused on Goldman and Wall Street. and and I just went after it. I mean it's it had to be more than that. what did I me where do you you start at. the library but did you need a degree. yeah NBA um I ended.

up um just at the same time like a lot. of these big companies started hiring. veterans so Goldman actually started the. first veteran program and I was year one. so it's an internship they brought on. like 16. veterans and if this I'll tell you a. stat here in a second and this will be. telling but um 16 veterans and we showed. up and we basically went around all of.

Goldman to the different departments. like sales trading Asset Management like. and we just sat you know a couple hours. with each. and it clicked at some point and for me. it was Equity Equity guys were like I. mean they were athletes they're not like. the brainiacs they're not doing. derivatives and [ __ ] like that so I was. like okay this could be My Tribe like. they're close enough. right um so they offered me a job and I. started and then you got to get licenses. like you said series exams.

Etc it was all fine during the intership. because I would show up at like 9:00. have breakfast with a couple mentors or. I do interviews it the the internship. was set up nice to like give you. exposure but it wasn't set up in a way. to help you understand what your job's. going to be so I'm like meeting with the. CEO of Goldman and the executive team. and and uh showing up to the desk. whenever I want high-fiving dudes and. they're asking me stories and I'm. telling them stories and then I go to.

lunch with somebody else and then so. when I got the job offer I thought that. was the job man like I thought I was. just hanging. out little did I know that when I moved. up there after the. teams I moved to Princeton New Jersey. because my father-in-law lives there and. I promise you he told me it took 45. minutes one way to get to the city it. takes an hour and a half one way to get. to the city on the. trains so my life became get up at.

3:35 like haul ass into the car drive to. the Princeton Junction hop on a train. train to the path in Newark I had to. wait 15 minutes for the first train from. Newark to World Trade Center I'd come. out I'd Pat The Horse Soldiers like. statue they got this huge bra statue so. I just tap the horse the ass that was. just kind of like my little thing and I. walk to 200 West Street and I get to my. office like right before. 6 and you'd sit there trying to just.

learn things work with analysts and then. you start. trading and the day would end at four. for the markets but the day would just. begin for Traders because you're going. out with clients now right so you're. spending time with one client two client. three clients like going out to m. dinners and that [ __ ] was not fun for me. man yeah part of why I got out you asked. you know a few minutes ago like what was. the Tipping Point like what was the. trigger and one was like I wanted to go.

to Dam Neck and that door closed the. other was I wanted to be with my family. right like I had at that point I still. had not figured out how to be a husband. or a father and I started maturing. enough to realize I did want to do those. things I was gone more on Wall Street. than I ever was in the teams no kidding. yeah. holy [ __ ] I started I stopped coming. home because I couldn't do the hour and. a half home at like 9 10 o'clock at. night only to wake up at 3: so I'd sleep. at my buddy's place Brian Martelli he. was a deche bank uh Deutsche Bank sales.

Trader and he was like just come crash. in my apartment and his apartment was. nice because he did well for himself but. an apartment in New York City is Tiny so. he had a LOF that literally had like. maybe 3 and 1 half 4T and I would just. climb up there in the ladder kind roll. into bed and and then wake up at 5: just. to get to work on time and I did that. for a month until. um until Nick cck.

died so I was sitting on the trading. floor and I at that point I was just. miserable like in my I was I just. everybody congratulated me he like. Johnny you made it you're part of the 1%. you're working at Goldman you were a. seal and all the things that I had. compartmentalized and put away started. blooding out oh man my job sucked I. hated my job I I just hated it I didn't. want to do it I felt lost and I felt. trapped because now I got money coming. in and we got bills and we got a house.

that we shouldn't have bought and all. these things and I'm sitting at the desk. and um I get the text and then I look up. and they're talking about a Navy SEAL. died and then the text start coming. through and I was like I didn't know. Nick that well we were at four together. before we went to Dam. Neck um but that was my tip and point to. leave Wall Street and come back in no. kidding y so you how long were you at. Goldin there for about a year and a half. yeah so you did you went to school got.

your. NBA then pass whatever you needed to. pass to become a what Trader Trader y. worked there for a year and a half then. bounced out and said I'm going back. yeah what was it. what brought you. back did you miss the job was it dude I. didn't fit out here man yeah I couldn't.

I missed you guys I missed my. brothers I kind of missed the purpose. right like we're doing some some. strategic missions it felt like you had. an impact on the world like maybe that. was naive of me to think that but I. really think we were doing good it was. good versus evil we were having some. some saying that my new purpose was make. as much money as possible my new team. would not all of them but potentially. would stab me in the back if it meant. they had a better outcome on returns or.

their p&l looked better than mine. because how Goldman Works dude if your. bottom 20% they fire you like it's. unspoken and I mean I don't know if. that's still the case and let me pause. right there and just say Goldman was. great for my family Goldman did great. things for me it helped me kind of break. through some barriers that I had it. wasn't a good fit for me the role wasn't. a good fit the industry like there is. some some aspects of it that I really. enjoyed and I could have done something. better in that industry I just didn't.

have a mentor to say Johnny you're not a. Trader man you're a sales guy or Johnny. you're not you shouldn't be trading. Equity man you should be doing X or you. know think asset management is a little. more lower key it's just I didn't know. what I was doing. man um so I do want to point that out. Goldman was the crew there I still. talked to a couple of guys uh doublea is. a good friend he does a bunch of. triathlons so we hit each other up we. used to be neighbors when I was in. Connecticut so there's some good people. there good organization I just didn't.

fit um with that specific group uh at. that specific point of my life I needed. some work to do like personally yeah. yeah so did you go right back in yeah so. team 10 how did your wife feel about. this yeah that's a great. point so I made the decision to quit I. told my boss and then I told my. wife yeah you got to be [ __ ] me no.

does she have any idea she saw me. struggling she saw the pain but she also. realized we had buried a lot of friends. over the last 10 years whatever it was. in the. teams and we got a we got out alive. right so although our marriage was. was just that just kind of a in names. sake it wasn't really a true definition. of a. marriage um we were still together and I. was still there and I was still.

technically a father and I was still. technically a husband right and then I. dropped that on. her for the first time we're making. money for the first time we're able to. do things in our. lives like we got away and you're still. alive and now you're telling me you're. going back in. yeah how many kids did you have at that. time. um at that time we had them we had them. all all five yeah so you got a wife five.

kids Y and you're ready to go back into. the SEAL Teams go to war yeah [ __ ] what. was the conversation like at home it. wasn't pretty man it was. uh I mean looking back I'm trying to put. myself in. it was selfish what I did man if I'm. being honest like I could have figured. out something. else back then I felt like that's you. know we talk about purpose a lot and I. think I abused that notion of purpose.

and like and sold the idea that that was. the only thing I can do so that I could. justify my my behaviors and actions and. the reality is is that's that's a load. of [ __ ] if I'm being honest with you. I as a man I should have figured out how. to [ __ ] provide for them in a setting. that allowed me to succeed and I. couldn't figure it out in fact I I ran. to the Easy Button if if I'm being. honest with you. man so that conversation wasn't pretty.

man she I mean divorce was thrown out. like but she stuck with me dude and here. we go again take two how'd your kids. handle. it no that's a question I'm going to ask. him when I get home. I've never asked that man I'm curious to. hear especially the older ones because. um the younger ones were really young at. the time but the older ones. were I guess what 13 and seven so I'm.

pretty sure they had a strong opinion. how many of their births were you there. for I was blessed dude all of them all. of them good for you yeah good for you. the teams were good in that. regards yeah they let me and it just. lined up. um so I was I was able to be there. and yeah you got a lot going for you man. got to see all your kids born married 20. years as a seal never happens yeah but.

so you're back in back in what's it like. going back in well I knew all the guys. right so I go to a team where my buddy. was there and he pulls me in and they're. about to deploy so like dude it happened. like that. I show up they're prepping for. deployment team 10 and and um there's a. couple troops going over Afghanistan. Iraq or not Iraq at the time Afghanistan.

I think Africa and then there was a. South America deployment I like Johnny. you're just coming back in you missed. workup like let's get you on the South. America deployment I was said yeah it's. perfect so I got there and probably 3. weeks later I'm heading down to. Colombia and um it was just an admin I. had to go through Ms again to make sure. all my my stuff was good and but uh 3. weeks and then I'm in cardia man and um. and I was I was one of the older guys so.

inevitably that role shifted into like I. became an lpo at Team 10 when I got back. but those deployments we got to train. with the local uh Colombian Special. Forces Group and those guys are out. there doing the drug Warfare and that. [ __ ] is real man I mean that is. terrorized in this country back then it. wasn't fentanyl but I mean those guys. were consistently just like chopping. away at these these camps these uh labs.

and demolishing them like huge amounts. of drugs and it didn't even put a dent. in the system yeah didn't even put a. dent. man uh so we did that and then we did. Chile Chile if you've never been man I. highly recommend you take your family. down there it is beautiful really it's. gorgeous so uh it's on the coast on the. western side of the of South America. it's a longer um country that goes down. to. Patagonia and it's like California.

coastline man California weather except. you don't have California. people you probably do that's a plus of. my mind you probably do now though yeah. they probably flood there too yeah. exactly but it was great man we you got. the Andes right there so if you wanted. to Ski Cool you had uh back then I was. drinking so like wine was you know you. had the red wine from Chile you got. Argentina stakes and we stayed at a. hotel uh right there on the beach and.

worked out of the embassy and trained. the local Chilean uh comest uh so local. Chilean seals and those guys are still. my best friend every Christmas the the. the commander sends me a bottle of Peace. go sour which is this really sweet. lemony drink that'll [ __ ] you up nice so. I just have I don't drink anymore so I. just got a stash of these like cheap. bottles of lemon. liquor um but that was great we trained. those guys and um did some cool you know. land Warfare type training but that's.

where I learned how to surf was like. every morning I wake up go surfing and. then go train the guys it was awesome. nice. yeah where do we go next yeah so after. that uh next deployment was was Africa. so I went to Uganda um and that was. interesting so I was stationed um well. the team was out of africom. and and uh we were working out at Cala.

which is the capital and then TBE which. was a little Beach town so that was the. boa haran thing that was just kicking. off and we were training the local. forces there. and I through that deployment we're. there's some guys out there we had a. Corman and we're doing a lot with um the. orphanages and and in my head I don't. know what it was on that deployment but. there was a point where I was just like. I'm getting out. again what was it I don't know man but.

it was that deployment I think it was. being away from my family in Uganda not. doing the job so that was two. deployments in a row where I was not. doing the era intents like raids hostage. rescue that we were do we only did a. couple of those but that we did and now. I'm surfing it felt like I was I was. doing something wrong right like my. family's back home and I'm surfing in. Chile eating I got $140 per Dum a day. and now I go to Uganda and yes we're.

training but on the weekends we're going. out to the clubs and you know it just. for me I was just like. I I gotta you committed to this family. thing and you're you copped out again. yeah it's time to do. it what what kind of clubs are. Uganda they were they were sketch okay. they were sketch there was uh you know.

Pete vaner was the CEO CEO of uh I said. CEO uh CEO of um Team 10 when the when. the helicopters went down and then he. went over to to the command and uh was a. CEO of Dam Neck well his son came. through and as a seal and he was my my. new guy so he was the JG he was the OIC. for our our uh trip to Uganda so it was. fun to watch him like have a great time. in Uganda and I would live vicariously.

through his stories but uh Uganda for me. I was it I was like this has been a. great experience I'm grateful for the. time and the team but it's time to to. mature and let's do the next chapter. yeah I mean did you have so you got home. from that deployment and then what how. did your wife handle I mean did she even. want you. home I wish she was here man because I. don't. know there's days that she probably.

did and there's days that she didn't man. and um it all came to a head when I came. home the second time right like and I I. got a job at a company called Capital. group it's a great organization man um. they're in finance as. well and I can get behind their mission. like it's it's genuine it's a private. company it's A3 trillion. company yeah whoa um it's in the asset.

management world but it's about people. saving for retirement it's about like. people s like changing their outcomes. for the future and as somebody that. never saved for retirement like dude I I. can get behind that mission I I was that. person that I'm trying to educate I was. that person that didn't save a dime and. was blown in said I couldn't afford but. I'm out buying you know Starbucks. and um so I got behind the mission and I. and I have been blessed to be a part of. that great Organization for a while but. I did the same thing I did I hid behind.

the job right and I was on the road. flying and talking to. companies um I was going all the time. and that's when everything [ __ ] went. downhill. and how did it go. downhill uh. um there's a lot there man it's. um when you're with somebody for as long. as you are and you don't even [ __ ]. know.

him vice versa she didn't know me and. honestly like there is so much. resentment and I would use the word. hatred like in our relationship it it. was all a facade man it wasn't real we. put on a good. show um we played the game when we had. to but there was nothing there there was. zero zero dude zero love in that.

relationship and um and then you. compound that with me now the second. time dealing with all my [ __ ] like I. didn't believe in PTSD that [ __ ] ain't. real man that's not real dud TBI yeah. like we got blown up a few times in Iraq. but dude that's it's not me it's you. Sean like what the [ __ ] are you talking. about like get out of my face all of. that came out and that is real man um I. went into a dark depression I hated my.

wife when you say you hated your wife I. mean what kind of actions does that. translate to what is the home life like. get a little more descriptive I I'm not. present man I left where did you go I. got an apartment right down I was making. enough money where I can go float an. apartment right down the. street so what prompted. that man it was dude there was a lot man. there was there was behaviors so you.

leave the teams to go back and be with. the family yeah I mean what did you did. you attempt to be. a good husband or a good. father at all before you moved out or is. this. you just fell right into. this I think I attempted it man I like I.

tried but. then I just kind of threw my hands up. like again I thought did you throw your. hands up because she wasn't responding. to your attempts or did you throw your. hands up because you didn't like being a. family man. no I I love being a family. guy today now that I know how to do it. like maybe back then it was partially.

that dude like I didn't know how to do. it and. I it was I didn't know what to do man. like I wanted you like I told you with. that story earlier like if you don't. like the outcome change it right like I. didn't know what are the other outcomes. in that situ situation there's two it's. binary but it's not it's not that easy. man these are super complex these. relationships right and. um if there's a spark of love in that.

thing and there has to be man because. you wouldn't have gotten together if. there wasn't then you got enough to work. on I just didn't know how to do it back. then so I left went to an. apartment. um and then. I ran into a team guy buddy of ours that. um do you know will. chzn I've never met him okay know who. human being but when I saw him like I. thought he was going to get kicked out.

of the I he was already kicked out let. me let me apologize like kicked out for. drinking and of the teams and um he. didn't look healthy man he was obese he'. been drinking a lot. and um I see him and he. I just remember thinking like I you know. like I said earlier like I don't know if. I'm going to see that dude. again like the suicide thing like I that. crossed my mind when I saw him I don't. know why I do know why but I don't know.

if it was real or not it. wasn't but then I see him in this low. point of my life like thank God I was. mature enough not to drink like because. if I would have drink I would have I. don't think I'd be here today dude you. weren't drinking then no I stopped like. I I had enough sense to stop my. drinking no [ __ ] yep what about drugs no. drugs no pills no no prescriptions nope. no sleeping man that suffering was real. and I felt every bit of it dude like and.

I wanted to hop in the bottle that was. my Norm right but for whatever reason I. think God or the Divine the spirit the. power to. be you're not going to do that and I. didn't so hold on when did you quit. drinking in the team no that was that. was right when I got to to Capital group. so that's when we were out on the second. time and I and I drank but once all this. started happening in my head I was like.

if I drink I'm going to make some. horrible decisions man because I have a. tendency you've heard some of the. stories to make some stupid decisions. that's all fun in games because we can. talk about laugh about it now but any. one of those could have changed the rest. of my life like the buds thing you don't. go to seal was like trying to jump on. like the list goes on and on and on it's. funny now but the reality is it's not. mhm if I would have done that in this. scenario dude I don't know if I'd be. here right. now and that's that's what's was going.

on through my head if you have these. dark thoughts now man and you mix that. with booze and pills like you're already. thinking about suicide audiation dude. you feel so bad for yourself and like. that you [ __ ] everything up and you. don't even like I don't even know how. dude I don't even know how I got there I. mean that the the it Just sh knows like. how disconnected you and your wife were. you know what I mean was she. sober uh I don't think she was man I. mean you guys. were that's pretty [ __ ] distant.

yeah yeah we were there was nothing. there man what about your kids what were. they. seeing they saw exactly what I what we. just described man this all zero empathy. zero love zero. Grace fighting me piecing out coming in. pretending to be a dad at a. couple events and then going back to my. apartment. and but the the will chesne thing the.

reason why I bring that up is because I. described when I saw him last and then I. see him in the midst of all this and I. don't know who that guy is he's. beautiful like the man is glowing long. hair lost 60 lbs. I had no idea who it was and he proceeds. to tell me about plant medicine in. 2017 that's how I got introduced in my. head the Judgment came I was like this. dude's [ __ ] crazy did psychedelics.

like I don't care what you look like I. don't care how good you look man you I. mean there was something there it was. enough to plant a seed for me to walk. away and then come back and. um what what time span are we talking. here from 2017 overweight oh this is. probably like a year wasn't that. yeah it was glowing man like I've never. seen a human glow before I don't know if. you've experienced that when you've done. the medicine but I didn't know what I.

was seeing man he looked he was. radiant but he proceeds to tell me this. plants a seed I think he's crazy but I. go on the computer I start looking at. the research PTSD TBI I started going to. the VA like tried once that failed I. couldn't find parking I got yelled Dad. I'm like I don't have to deal with this. I'm out I go to a talk therapist trying. to save the marriage like I am just I am. so angry dude I am just like I don't. want any part of this I quit the I quit. that was she in talk therapy with you.

mhm. yep. um and then I what what what was it that. what was the. point I'll tell you man it sounds like a. lot of [ __ ] lined up for you. but at what point did. you did you and your wife simultaneously. decide let's try to make this.

better the point was when I. got to a spot where I was like if I. don't do the plant medicine I started. reading it learning about it and. believed in it enough to be like I Have. Nothing Left to. Lose like I really think if I don't do. this I won't be here much. longer and I hopped on a plane and did. ey began and did 5 Meo and came back and. was like it was me it wasn't you I'm.

sorry I'm the [ __ ]. [ __ ] I've always been the. [ __ ] how did she respond to. that she was like [ __ ] you. you know our women dude say I don't. believe it you're full of [ __ ]. ah uh but it was real man and. [Music].

um it was real and it gave me what I. recognize now is it gave me the. opportunity to stop the bad behaviors it. gave me an opportunity to get the the. addictions I think we're all addicts in. some way like to behaviors to porn to. actions to alcohol to drugs to to crush. those. addictions it gave me perspective that I. never had before man like it again like. oh my God just change the.

angle that you're looking at this. problem set enough and you're going to. see it in a completely different way I. was like whoa holy [ __ ] I can see your. point I could never see other people's. points. before um. yeah and then um but she had her wall up. and rightfully SE right man like I had I. helped create that. wall.

so after M you know just a certain. amount of time it was like of her saying. no and you're a liar and you're just. going to relapse back to your old. behaviors. like that's what happen. so there's there's a lot we've learned. learned since 2018 when I did the. medicine about integration like creating. the environment for you to be received. prepping your partner so when you come. in like they know how to like respond to. you you're going to be different man um.

the resentment was high with her like. why do you always get the treatments why. do you always get the healing like I was. there with you. right so I mean I kind of went back not. completely I stopped drinking completely. I credit that a lot to the medicine I. think you know F like God intervened. when I needed him to and then I think. the medicine broke the pattern or the. the. addiction that I had going. on so things had changed but they were.

kind of going back to the way they were. and then that's when um I opted to go do. it. again like it I probably about 6 months. 7 months I was like listen I'm losing. some of these things I didn't integrate. I. didn't I I I know I see the power of. this tool I'm going to go do it. again and when I did it the second time. she came back we were in a way better. place like getting closer to kind of. working through some things and then she.

received me the second. time and. then you know it's not a Panacea let me. let me State this so for folks that are. listening I know you've had a lot of. folks talk about psychedelics on your. podcast you've talked about your own. Journey it's like this isn't an end all. Beall man I think this is just a tool. that you can use to really give you an. opportunity to reset reframe the way. ahead I truly believe that I'm with you.

yeah but if you don't take advantage of. that then like you could end up going. back down the same path you were and so. I feel that we learned a lot from that. first one the second one she was. prepared for uh softer Landing. and then she got to a point where she. wanted to. go and I shared with you at breakfast. and I'll share with everybody now when. she came back from that treatment in. Costa. Rica D that was the first time in my.

life and in hers if she was here she'd. tell you that that we were in a. relationship we had five kids at the. time. dude. and it's not perfect. today but by God. like it. there's love in the. relationship. um yeah there's just like there's. understanding there's Grace like we. support each we actually [ __ ] like.

each other. dude it's awesome yeah it's [ __ ]. awesome like I like her she's a cool. person she's doing great things she came. back she started her own nonprofit to. help women in this space like their The. Hope project and she's helped hundreds. of women now like that have trauma in. their lives severe trauma versions of. trauma like you're in the military. you're spouse of the military your. family member of first responder law. enfor like she's helped all these. beautiful women like dude it's.

awesome what's the name of her nonprofit. The Hope project The Hope project. yep it's a good name. yeah so that's how did you reconnect. with your kids. well they know we're in the space now. right like we talk about it we're we. advocate for it. um I. apologized I thought that was the right.

thing to do like they probably had no. [ __ ] idea what I was talking about. right like what are you talking about. dad like no you're fine because are kids. but the reality is I saw it and I knew. it and I apologize to. them um for not being there for not. being the best version of myself for. them for not being. present um did you apologize to them all. individually yeah individually together. I do it all the time now like yeah I'm.

just um like people that know me now. know that I'm a for the most part I am a. ball of Love dude. I I'll tell them I love him all the time. I'll be driving dropping them off by. school and I was like nope forgot to hit. the power window they're walking away I. was like Charlie I love you just like. [ __ ] dad come on I don't give a [ __ ]. dude I throw it out I don't care who. sees it I hug I try to get kisses. they're getting older now but dude. you're getting showered by Dad's love.

man like I missed out on too long for me. to not take advantage of it now and I do. dude and I love them to death they're. such amazing. Souls um and I credit again I credit. Will with introducing me to this and. plant medicine for giving me an. opportunity to rewrite this chapter that. was written for me man I was heading in. a direction yeah we've seen it a lot of. our no judgment man but we've seen that. path and a lot of our friends have gone.

down that path and I thank the. Lord that. um I was just given an opportunity to do. something. different you've created a hell of a. wave then you. started seal Future Foundation y let's. talk about that how did that start yeah. so when I was at so if we rewind a bit I. was at Goldman and I realized how hard. it is to transition right so the big.

foundation at the time was a seal. foundation and they weren't focused on. transition at that point and I was. beating a drum like hey this is hard not. just for me uh other dudes too I've. talked to other guys and it's a real. struggle to go from purpose and teams. to to this um whatever this is this. feels like a zoo to us let's let's do. something about it and at the time they. weren't positioned nor wanting to so. that's why we started the seal feuture. foundation and it was me and the guy.

apartment that I lived in Brian. Martelli. um we lived uh I lived in his apartment. and we were eating pizza one day and he. was like Johnny like you guys are so. talented like you guys can get plugged. in any anywhere like your resource. because right now these companies they. go to Business Schools they go to these. Ivy Leagues they all pull from the same. different pots they need to be pulling. from you guys you guys are adverse you. guys think on your feet quick you guys. are resilient like how do we do this and.

I was like d and in my head I'm like I I. don't fit it Goldman like I'm talking. about all our struggles this sucks and. so the combination of the two was like. okay a lost dude transition no Mentor. doesn't understand where he fits and on. his through his lens he's like dude you. guys would be crushing if we can get you. in the right spot that's how the whole. idea came to be so we did a 501c3 in New. York in 2012 or maybe early. 13 and our first event brother we raised.

$4,000 and $4,000 is a good amount of. money but we've done events where we've. raised over a million dollars now like. one single event so I appreciate the. hard work that everybody that was a part. of it early on like poured into that. thing and the the failures that we had. the shortcomings there was times when we. thought about folding in the thing and. you know it was just always like no the. community needs it let's just keep. growing and it went from scholarships.

for guys wanting to go back to school to. my buddies saying I don't want to go to. school I want to be a lead clamber. Johnny I was like all right cool we'll. give you a scholarship too let's change. the. bylaws uh to job placement let's find. the companies out there that are. like-minded where our guys can fit and. then we can create mentors so they can. succeed in their transition so. companies and then in. 2017 um Bill Moulder was supposed to. talk with us and over the weekend I.

believe he committed suicide so I think. it was I think we were supposed to meet. with him Monday and I think the weekend. that weekend uh he committed suicide and. that was the first. dude at least that I was affiliated with. I don't for me and I I consider that. someone on our watch like we were going. to help him with his transition so um as. mentioned before we lost a lot of. buddies to. suicide. and I'm sorry we lost a lot of buddies.

to battle and um bill was the first in. 2017 and and today I don't know where. you stand with this but for me I've lost. more team guy buddies to Suicide than I. have to combat yeah yes. so that's that's when we created the. wellness pillar so bill was we're like. we're missing the Mark we can't put guys. in jobs if they're not mentally. physically if they're just not. sound so we started off throwing.

wearables on. dudes the wearable that we used gave us. the dashboard so I could see hundreds of. Team guys and guys gave me access. they're like Johnny like you can check. out our data and I was like I'm going to. use it as an early warning indicator if. you're not doing well I'll reach out. cool that's what we did man I had all. the team guys stoplight method if you're. in the red we can just tell those dudes. are not doing well and reach out man. Sean how are you doing yeah I'm good. brother Sean how are you doing yeah man.

I'm [ __ ] good Johnny what's up like. Sean like what's up ah what you're. you're [ __ ] Biometrics are telling me. something's off what's going on it's. like oh dude I'm lost my job I dude why. don't you tell me man like we're so. proud I don't know if it's a community. males what it is all of it probably. Society we're so freaking proud that. we're killing ourselves like the stigma.

around mental health like we don't talk. about it because there shame you're. going to get punished for it in the. teams are out in corporate you're going. to not get promoted like it's killing. people and our little nonprofit that's. the whole idea for Envy mind health. would use a wearable and just track. dudes and check in on them that's what. we did so that that started in the seal. Future Foundation yeah I just peace Meed. it like you got a garment watch I threw. basically we threw a garment watch on. every dude and we would just look at it. and I said I sat there and I was like.

wait if we can do this with our. community what were the indicators heart. rate variability heart rate sleep like. the phases of sleep deep REM light and. we would just look. like where are you at like where have. you been and then where you at today and. you can see if dudes are like trending. downwards you knew something was wrong. who's monitoring this I was you're. personally monitoring yeah we had a team. page when it was all sitting down there.

was over 1500 people on the. platform so you hold on so you have a. baseline yep you have a baseline. knowledge of what each each team guys. heart rate is what else uh heart rate. variability so the variations in your. heart the higher your heart rate. variability number the healthier you are. technically but regardless like your. your background your history your you. know your your gene pool is different.

than mine so your Baseline is going to. be different than mine all we care about. is your. baselines and then the algorithm would. just pick up from the device that we use. would pick up where you're trending and. and dude here's the other thing is like. we can tell like you're if you had a. Garmin or apple it tells when you go to. bed right. it can tell if you're drinking alcohol. is a poison and it can pick that up it. takes 4 days 4 days to get back to your. Baseline after one drink of alcohol no. kidding four days. man so so if you think about it you're.

staring at like data guys are getting. one two hours of sleep a night and. historically they get eight for three. four five days in a row they're only. getting a couple something's something's. up it's not it's not rocket science here. like you can easily tell when. something's. why I was manually doing this like I. didn't know what I was doing dude I was. just looking at data and I said. okay why aren't we doing this on a. bigger scale with other populations like.

besides Team guys with all the veterans. First Responders long Humanity like why. aren't we using technology when it comes. to mental health if I'm like kind of. figuring this out peace meal with like a. wearable and this is just your I mean. where did this come to you from. I dude I I stumbled into it man I was. looking at my own. data when I did my I beain journey and. the number. skyrocketed in for the better like my. heart rate variability. tripled my sleep became.

consistent and my deep and REM went from. minutes to hours and I thought okay if I. can measure the impact of a psychedelic. intervention why aren't we measuring the. impact of an. SSRI why aren't we measuring the impact. of anything you do the food you take can. we do that and the answer is yes do I. know how to do it absolutely not and. that's when I went back to Oxford or I. went to grad school I went to Oxford. because they have an incubator NBA.

program to help companies like mine get. off the ground so we worked on the. program for two years trying to figure. out how do we take this idea or this. like rudimentary thing that we built at. a nonprofit and let's create a. for-profit business that can help. Humanity with their Mental Health. so that's the whole Genesis for Envy. mind. health damn. damn so you started it so hold on let's. backtrack we're getting way too yeah way.

too ahead here so you you started using. Garmin watches and apple watches at seal. Future. Foundation we use the whoop device you. familiar with whoop I've heard of it. yeah that's what we used it's like a. Fitbit kind of right yep and. and so all this data is coming into. whatever something that you guys can. monitor y are you still with seal Future. Foundation yeah you are yep okay. yep today no.

so probably two years ago now well about. four years ago we started the process of. turning it over I wanted to focus on. envy and try to build this Tech and. honestly me trying to do too many things. wasn't doing seal future found. Foundation justice so we got a good guy. Paul Toma he's the new CEO so we he was. working at the organization at the time. and he elevated to CEO and then I stayed.

on as the chair for a bit and then. completely walked away that's pretty. big you built a hell of a nonprofit and. then you're just walked away no Pride. done there is ego man if I'm being. honest but I also had help from plant. medicine dude like if I hadn't done. plant medicine I probably would have. held on to that thing but in my. head I truly believe what we did there. we can replicate on a bigger scale like.

I think we've done tremendous and that. team has done the group that's at seal. Future Foundation now is crushing it. they're doing great things they're. growing they got a medical board they're. they're doing awesome for the seal. Community what I wanted to do was help. everybody else and. I knew we could do it I didn't know how. and we're going to figure it out but I. couldn't blow up seal Future Foundation. and start letting you know First. Responders in there and and and. Adolescence it's like that thing needs.

to live and support our. community I was a bit if I'm being. completely honest I was a. bit um bothered by all the resources. that we get you and I for being a seal. I'm with you and I do think that those. resources that guys like us when they. get out have access to actually hinder. Us in some. regards because we have endless. resources to bear like we have endless.

handouts so although I'm extremely proud. and still do believe that these. foundations have a strong place for our. community I do also think like some of. us were really good at what we did. because when we're in a corner. like we figure stuff out and when you're. not in a quarter and you get a hand out. a $10,000 check here you know this. resource here that we lose the edge that. we had and I struggle with this I wonder.

if uh if that's a good thing or a bad. thing um for our community to have all. these resources regardless at some point. I saw these Marine grunts that lost half. their. platoon in fujia they didn't have 70. nonprofits to support them man you know. what thank you for saying that because. I've been saying this [ __ ] for a long. time that the and look I don't want to I. don't want to downplay the Special. Operations Community but there are a lot.

of other units and a lot of other men. and women who weren't a part of. that who've experienced just as much. trauma if not more I mean talk to a. [ __ ] Marine grunt who was on The fuia. Invasion and talk to them about trauma. yeah you know and and and when I say. that I'm not saying oh we need to. compare trauma cuz I think that's. horeshit too everybody processes stuff. in a different way but there are so.

many so. many organizations that are only set up. to to help the this this the soft. Community the Special Operations. community and these other guys are. being they're being forgotten about you. know and it's it's [ __ ] sad yeah it's. really [ __ ] sad because we have.

enough we have enough you know and it's. I see it everywhere I see I mean part of. it maybe I think. that I mean guys in the Special. Operations the people that served within. that under that. umbrella have a. unmatched there's just a lot of drive. there otherwise you would have never. made it in but but then you look at.

civilians that are starting things and. it's it's everybody wants. to everybody wants to help the special. ops guys and now it's starting to be. everybody wants to help the the team six. and Delta guys and [ __ ] everybody else. and it's it's. because I don't know why it keeps. happening you know but you never see. anything that's hey this is for the. Marine grunts this is for the Army. infantry this is for the conventional.

guys this is for the. pilots this is for the you know you. don't hear that [ __ ] man Y. and it was all of us out there yeah you. know I'm right there with you dude it's. just it's [ __ ] sad it is and like we. last I checked there was 70 nonprofits. for Team guys. 70 dude we have endless resources and. like the guy like you said the grunt. that was patrolling in daylight that.

lost half his. platoon and then now lost the other half. to Suicide they don't have anything they. don't have a nonprofit for that man. because they're not what they didn't do. the sexy missions or there isn't movies. made about them like. so again I go back to I'm so proud of. what we've. created as I look at it. now the whole nonprofit Community for. Team guys I wonder if. we're I don't know how to say this like.

what made us so good what made you so. good at what you did you took into this. job and created this right you had to be. in a corner you had to have no money you. had to figure it out on your own and you. did like what I did. was hustled and created things and. figured out and created relationships. and built things. but I and that was just what got us. through the teams I think now we don't. have that anymore man like now it's like.

um I'm struggling right now I'm just. going to call this. nonprofit dude I think you got to figure. it out like fight for it figure it out. because once you do it once then you'll. do it again and it just keeps getting. better and you're going to find the. success ESS that you've. earned I don't know man that. so you I see what you're saying and we I. I will say it I. don't I think that there.

are people who will make a career out of. post-traumatic stress and traumatic. brain injury and you could make a career. from bouncing around to nonprofit to. nonprofit especially the 70 you can get. vacations you can get all your med [ __ ]. done you can get your [ __ ] house paid. off you can get all of it you know I. want to go on a hunting trip cool I want. to go get check you know and and.

and you see it yeah you you. it's you see him bouncing around you. know and and and and not making any real. Improvement yep. well I I think you know part of uh. Envy's thought process is like they. deserve help too right and put whoever. you wanted or they I don't give a [ __ ]. to be honest with you because your.

trauma and you got it is different than. my trauma which I have but we still. could use benefits from some of the. resources right so like Envy is a. for-profit but we've also created a u a. new or uh nonprofit action arm to help. First Responders law enforcement there's. more suicides I don't know if you know. this by firefighters than there are. veterans does not surprise me isn't that. blow your. mind like I just the type of person I am. is when I see.

[ __ ] like struggling people struggling. or [ __ ] going sideways like let's go. figure out how to solve that problem and. that's what we're doing good for you man. you know in my mind I mean I I want to. get more in the weeds with this yep. technology but you know in my mind all. 70 of these nonprofits should be buying. those devices and passing them out to. their people yeah is is that a thought. oh yeah yeah so Mama Lee Mark Le's mom.

MH um we talked with her about bringing. this on so we're going to do a pilot. with them and um we're still early stage. and how Tech works is like you got an. MVP and you got to like test it out and. make sure everything works and I'll walk. through through all that here in a. second but that's always been my idea. man like our beach head is like let's go. to the veteran nonprofits let's start. there let's go to the municipalities. Insurance departments police firemen. like let's teach them about mental.

resiliency from Team guys because if we. say mental health there's a stigma but. if I say mental resiliency like dudes. are like oh that's cool like yeah it's. the same [ __ ] thing but I'll play. with words if I need to to help help. solve this problem so we go in and we. talk about mental res ien see like I. want to just keep going from there and. there we'll keep learning we'll keep the. algorithm we'll keep iterating and I. really do think we can predict when guys. isolate and gals isolate because it. happens with women as well before they.

commit suicide get to them get their. team out there to support them like if. it's you and I you reach out and maybe. that's enough to change the. outcome. so. man do you. think are there any other nonprofits. looking at. this um well we're working with. University of Texas is doing psychedelic. research so we're going to collect the. Biometrics for them so there's going to. be a cohort going through that has.

treatment resistant depression they're. going to use I believe psilocybin to. combat that and then they're going to do. their research Envy is going to come in. and collect the Baseline Biometrics your. heart rate heart rate variability sleep. Etc it's going to collect it when you do. the intervention so when you do the P. assignment what changed and then how. long does it change for so we're doing. that with UT on two studies uh the other. one's iasa we're doing it with a whole a. company called the holess center in Fort.

Collins um so we're going to collect. Biometrics for the research they're. doing around. psychedelics uh we're talking to. Hospital Systems because if you think. about ER doctors burnout like that's. real suicides a real thing for ER rooms. like mistakes happen if we can predict. when people people are exhausted and. burning out we can pull them off the. front line they can rest so we're. preventing injuries like the. possibilities dude if we can figure this. out when we figure this. out I think we can take this in so many. different directions how far has this.

developed from the initial idea we're. probably three years into. development actually four years now so. two years at business school we hired a. tech team we built all last year and I'm. sorry two years ago and all last year we. got a prototype out last year I think I. shared with you last year for startups. was a really rough year with the markets. the financial markets behaving the way. they were so we paused our Rays so we. basically battened down the hatches of. the business and said hey we don't have.

money to keep iterating on the tech. we're just going to save resources and. then we'll pop out when it's a sunny day. and two weeks ago was a sunny day for us. we relaunched our raised and raised a. good chunk of our $3 million we raised. uh 1.8 million of it one so you're about. twoth thirds of the way there what do. you need what do you need $3 million to. do what are you going to do with that. money most most of it's R&D right so. we're going to the next phase of this. business is we're going to partner with. the hospital systems like I mentioned.

we're going to partner with businesses. um West Point is potential potentially. one of the groups that we're going to. have a partnership with we're going to. sit down with those groups and give them. the tech we're going to do tests so like. one group has the swim buddy concept A. Team concept one group doesn't you have. your own information and we're going to. start testing and then they're going to. provide us feedback the feedback we get. from them we're going to go to our Tech. Team and say this is the feedback we're. getting guys this sucks this is good. they want this and we do Sprints so it's.

about a one Monon Sprint for the tech. team to build out the technology so we. take those iterations and we go back to. Market all right how's it look now guys. and. gals okay here's what we learned we got. to remove this they don't like this. anymore the algorithms um uh being uh is. pretty sophisticated but still like a. little off we go back to the tech team. and we keep iterating until we have like. a a viable product that people would pay. for so I'm also thinking Hospital. systems like think if you're a doctor.

and I'm your patient historically we. only meet once a month right that's you. bu like Insurance buildable. whatever but if you had all my biometric. information and all your Pati biometric. information you can prioritize a threat. like who are the people that are. struggling who do I need to have a. conversation with and oh by the way I'm. prescribing medicine maybe or maybe. you're not but let's let's assume you. are you prescribe a pill what's the. impact that that pill is having on them.

now you have all this data in front of. you you can make better decisions can. hold my mind's going like a [ __ ]. thousand milph right now can can you get. insurance companies to pay for this so. there's something called remote patient. monitoring I'm disabled I'm 100%. disabled um and um why I share that with. you is because we're a small business. disabled own veteran. business so um there is a couple things.

that we're looking at the VA has. contracts for companies they actually. recognize There's an opportunity with. tech here so they're putting out bids. for contracts like us so we have a. preference to potentially win those bids. man um but when it comes to insurance. two people on our team have had a past. business around Insurance how this works. is you have a tele Health call our. algorithm can timestamp the second you. have that tell Health call so the second. it ends it's basically just accounting.

uh and then we tell we send that in and. you get. reimbursed by the insurance companies. for that specific line item so maybe. it's like a check-in call 40 bucks cool. uh you get two calls a month to to just. uh 15minute calls to make sure the tech. that they're using maybe they have a. medical devices used so you get 20 bucks. for those we timestamp all those we send. you the doctor the invoice you never had. these codes before and you were never.

receiving this. money now we sent you the invoice you. send it in to the insurance 30-day. reimbursement we take a cut out of. that so that's that's one Avenue that. we've been exploring because I don't. want people to I don't want you to pay. for this man I really care about you. trying to figure out your mental health. I care about people like I don't want to. like nickel and dime you but how do we. get the system to pay for it so that's. on us to figure out and I don't know how. to do it yet but that's one Avenue we're.

exploring makes sense yeah makes perfect. sense you know so are these actual is. this is is that it no so this is uh so. what we did is we built we're a software. company there's no Hardware so we don't. have a device but what we do have is API. which means we've wrote a code that. plugs into your Apple watch to your. Garmin watch to your wearable tech and. then we worked with doctors like the. lead psychiatrist from Walter Reed we. worked with other doctors and they.

helped us wait all the biometric. information that we were pulling we. rated it into an algorithm weighted it. and then it runs on big data sets and we. look at like correlation between what. we've created and our assumption ions. and. depression and. anxiety and so this algorithm we need. more data but this is basically telling. you when you're when you're when you're. well and when you're not so how we. interface with the user is an. app so right now you plug in the app you.

have a wearable it pulls a biometric. information and you have a quick. questionnaire if you want three. questions if you want more you can hey. how you doing today like what your Libo. feel like and you just rate it our. algorithm is taking your Biometrics and. comparing it against your questionnaire. which is built off of something called a. phq9 which is a depression type scale so. it's a medical scale that they use we. Whitted it down and rewarded it with our. doctors but now your algorithm is. looking and saying okay this is how they.

responded here's what their Biometrics. here's the synergies here's the. correlation and then you keep using this. device long enough it's starting to. learn when you're well and when you're. not when you're not doing well it alerts. you it alerts your swim buddy if it's. worse in a future state if you have a. doctor you like we can put the doctor on. the platform and it will alert him or. her this whole thing was yeah I mean. it's basically the sff idea but we've. created a software algorithm which uses. machine learning to learn from your.

behaviors learn from the Biometrics and. then build a community around. you wow wow let's talk about the the. swim buddy method what what did you mean. by that yeah so as you know in the teams. we all had a swim buddies you never. further than 6 feet apart well when we. built this thing we roll up all the. information I mentioned heart rate heart. rate variability and um and sleep into. what we call a mind score so you got a. mind score and that's your Bas line you.

know over a certain amount of days you. get a Baseline and how it deviates up. and down tells you how you're. doing I thought that was a secret sauce. I thought people were going to get. excited about that but we question a. bunch of veterans and the thing that. they respond wanted to positively most. was having a swim buddy so I was like. well explain that you know we're we're. doing questions uh interviews and. they're like well I would I don't need. this and I wouldn't pay for this but if.

you tell me I can hop on and help my. teammate I'll do this all day long I was. like holy [ __ ] of course like you're not. going to do it for you but you'll do it. for your teammate that's essentially. what happened like 90% of the people. that were on the platform were like the. swim buddy is the best thing you got. going and what that means for us is like. you guys both have the apps if you're. not doing will it alerts me if I'm your. swim buddy I get a text hey check in on. Sean Sean's you know mind score. decreased by 10 points today well that's.

odd that's usually if it decreases it's. usually one or two points not 10. something's up I pick up the phone and I. call you or I text you what's going on. dude and you probably lied to my face. initially like we always do do maybe not. but um nevertheless it's forcing the. conversation in the. moment. damn. yeah how do the swim how do you. determine who the swim bu is is do you. take you can pick it you pick it has to.

be in your iPhone or your your Android. so it has to be in your. contacts and in there you just pick. whoever you want and you can have a team. if you want so I mentioned the doctor. but think of like a sports team man like. a captain they have all their their you. know their folks data on there so we had. um a good friend of mine at Oxford he. was the French rugby captain and he lost. his mentor to suicide and no and they. they said nobody saw it coming so he.

worked on the project with us but he. wants this for his guys because suicide. is pretty big in the sports world and I. didn't realize this rugby they're taking. CTE head injuries they get out they lose. their purpose everything's structured. and then boom you got to figure it out. so so um you can have that dashboard and. you can just monitor everybody up to. however many people you you want um and. there's ways to kind of De identify the. data. too so maybe you're a business owner and.

your employeers are like [ __ ] no I don't. want Sean to have my data but you're. like I still want to see how my overall. company's doing we can remove names and. just give you trend lines so your. business maybe this division is doing. they're crushing it their overall mental. health is is higher it keeps increas and. this one's going down for some reason. you might want to check in with the with. the division there and figure out what's. going on so so is this is this on Market. yeah we're we're in the App Stores um.

what I would tell everybody is like we. are we are in an MVP which is like. minimally viable product we just put it. in the App Store to prove out the. concept this next iteration so the next. year year we're going to go back to. refining everything and and then we'll. start investing and making it look nice. because for me I don't want to invest in. the uiux so the interface until we. understand that this is exactly what. people want and then we can make it look.

pretty so we're tight on I mean $3. million for a startup is not a lot of. money so we got to be very diligent with. that and I think the strategy that we. have of going to these companies. learning from them reiterating on the. tech and then get it to the world is the. idea so is the app is the app it's free. on the App Store it's free so how does. the business make money how are you. going keep this thing going insurance. insurance contracts with companies so. like if you think uh First Responders. again if we talk about the sheriff's.

department um we're talking to a. sheriff's department in in Colorado and. one in Wyoming uh suicide rates in in. those States Wyoming Montana Alaska. really high MH so we're going to go Ahad. and provide the tech the dashboard for. them them they would pay us a user fee. per user and we sell tranches so maybe. it's 20 blocks of users they pay us uh. and then we provide support for them in. support in the mental health of their. communities. [ __ ] yeah this is awesome yeah dude it's.

so what happens if what happens if. 250,000 people that watch this episode. go to the App Store and download the app. does that do anything does that get the. needle moving. um that's a great question Sean um I. would. say if they did that. absolutely but you're on a journey with. us right now right like so my ask would. be don't download the app and judge us.

out of the gate like help us build this. app to be exactly what you want for your. mental health like we're on this journey. together and I've always built companies. like that or businesses or nonprofits. like that so I'm I you sense the. hesitation but at the same time if. people are willing it be like yeah I'll. download the app and provide feedback. and stick with you as you grow and trust. that you're going to figure this out. then join the app if not then um you. know so you hear that if you download. the app you're helping develop the.

product it's not quite ready yet yeah so. don't get pissed if it doesn't work. perfectly right off the bat yeah but you. know what does work perfectly dude well. it's not perfect the swim buddy the. aspect of it. so that shit's real man like that works. right now. so be prepared like if you're going to. sign up for this and you're going to put. your best friend on there or your spouse. or your kid like whatever it. is it's not sexy again like the user.

interface isn't beautiful so don't think. of us as an apple we're a small startup. and I'm a team guy I'm not a tech dude. but we'll figure this out I promise you. that but when your buddy's not doing. well like be prepared to actually step. up so don't download this app if you. really are not prepared to help your. friends right because that's a big. commitment mhm we all say we want to. help but the second you get the alert. like okay now what do I do right and. that's the next phase of the business is.

we're introducing Solutions what is the. name of the app Envy mind health ivi. mind. health yeah so if I go and I download. this right now yep and I have who I'll. say my wife's my swim buddy and I have. her download this and I and I get this. into my Apple watch she can she's going. we can set it up so that my wife is. going to get an alert when um when my.

Biometrics have a sudden change. yep and vice versa yeah it's that simple. it's that simple dude and the algorithm. isn't 100% yet we're doing some other. cool things with voice like pitch I'll. come back to that but we worked with. these doctors we're waiting the. algorithm we're testing the algorithm. you need to use we need people to use. the app for the algorithm to learn right. that's how these things Le uh that's how. these things work so if 250,000 people.

downloaded this thing like this. algorithm be like it's been like we got. like 600 users on the platform right now. right uh since we launched so it's like. slowly learning 250,000 people it's. going to start learning a [ __ ] ton if. you use it if you use it for a day and. then give it up then it's not but by you. downloading and sticking with it and. sticking with us it's going to help we. start iterating we start learning we. start getting closer to more accurate to. how you behave because how you behave is. different than me this isn't a generic.

algorithm this is an algorithm for Sean. this is an algorithm for Johnny because. we're our mental health journey is. different and then it starts learning. with you and it starts recommending. things for you too so we're not at that. phase yet but we're going to introduce. Solutions next right so think breath. work like you got to step out of the. room or something like that uh think. medicine plant medicine we can introduce. that as a hey you're about to do plant. medicine Journey let's measure the. impact that that has on. Sean and now we can start learning the.

algorithm and say okay historically when. Shawn Ryan isn't doing well in this. scenario he's tried XYZ his biometric. increased when he did X Y and Z they. actually decreased and it's starts. learning what works for you man in the. future state of this where I want to. take this and my dream is something we. there's a tagline in medicine called. personalized medicine so now the AI. interface the algorithm is basically. learning what works for you and then it. recommends the thing that works for you.

best in that situation so you basically. have a functional. doctor in your not the direction we're. we're heading in yeah telling you what's. best for you and and dude we can. introduce humans because I do believe. like the swim buddy is a really powerful. tool right but maybe we're over our skis. and me trying to help you like the [ __ ]. that you're going through is too complex. like I'm not a doctor right it could. scale up if we wanted to to a provider.

so yes we have the machine learning AI. component of this it's helping you it's. it's recommending things for you but. sometimes you just need to talk to your. [ __ ] doctor and we can get a doctor. on that platform for you like your. doctor if you wanted so again we're. super early stage as a. startup um you know we're two years into. building actually building the. technology but we just raised some money. and we're going to keep going at it you. know how resilient we are and we're. going to learn from the communities that.

we support and I've already seen the end. state of this man like I've dreamed. about this I shared that with you over. breakfast just kind of like how you sure. about. this we will figure out this problem man. it is one worth figuring out like mental. health is suicides depression anxiety. like there's billions of people. suffering from some mental health. disorder dude we got to do better and. we're not going to stop till we improve. it man that is uh you are one Innovative. son of a [ __ ] that is uh wow thank you.

man that. is that's impressive brother we got a. great team it's not me I just I stumbled. into this at the nonprofit we got an. awesome former CEO of a healthc care. company she's tremendous I got a guy. that gave up everything from business. school James Smith gave up his life this. dude was making a ton of money believed. in this so much he's in we got a former.

NASA engineer C our our Tech Guy the. tech team is tremendous they've worked. on projects with Disney and Carnival. Cruise Line and remotes like we have a. new doctor that just an ER doctor came. on that's passionate about like dude we. were going to figure this out I promise. you that Sean man what about so I. mean how does it how does it work are. you taking. investors. yeah this is something I have no.

experience in yeah so I'm I am I'm. curious you know I mean you need another. 1.2 million right so how does it work. well yeah I appreciate you asking I I I. don't know how to like for us we are. yeah we're in our seed raise right now. which means we're raising that other 1.2. right we just open the window I'm out. there like we're out there raising money. I'm out there talking to investors we. have a pretty good rod deck so yeah if. there's people like we're raising money.

that are you know investors people that. have like VCS or groups like that we're. actually kind of keeping it close to. people we're not going down the VC path. venture capitalist path quite yet we're. staying close to just like high net. worth individuals that have a passion. for this um so one guy that's invest in. his wife works at the VA she's she's a. nurse and she um she does the tele. Health call specifically for mental.

health so she's helping us think through. this problem set she's passionate about. it he's passionate about it another guy. his family struggle with mental health. in their and their family another guy. that's potentially investing he's going. to invest a big amount lost his daughter. to suicide last year so we want people. that believe in us that are successful. that can help us take it to the next. level um and then you know support. educate us tell us what's working what's. not like we're small we're trying to. figure out the social media game I suck.

at social media dude holy [ __ ] I suck. but um we'll probably bring somebody on. and manage that and um kind of share all. the successes and failures that we're. having and provide that feedback if. there's people that care about this. space want to help like reach out like. we would be honored I don't know how to. I don't know how else to ask brother but. I appreciate you asking me yeah you know. I mean it's important you got you got to. get. the capital to get this thing going yeah.

y That's. right man is there is there anything. else this thing does this is incredible. man oh dude voice ready for this yeah. yeah let's hear this. so with right now it's 13 seconds but. with you talking for 13. seconds we ran an algorithm against. pitch on a big data set so data sets are.

like. um um like universities we University um. and there's like organizations like the. um the English the London I don't think. it's the London I forgot the purple. proper terminology but they have big. medical data sets this one particular. has information on around depression. anxiety so they had people patients fill. out forms but they also recorded them so. you have tens of thousands of people. that did that well dude these this AI is.

this [ __ ] is it learns fast right the. algorithm that we have learns fast so. with a 13 second clip dude we can tell. if you're depressed or not. wow 13 seconds man and and we're at 80. some odd per accurate right now which. isn't good enough right like we got to. get we got to get more accurate than. that but like what are the applications. that we can use that for right like I. don't well the easy one is the doctor. like you're having a conversation tella. Health it runs the algorithm in the.

background it tells your you know hey. Sean ry's your patients uh depressed. today uh here's the back data because. they're wearing the wearable here's the. back data on what they've been their. Baseline down significant and they're. depressed great I know something's off. let's have a conversation what's going. on Sean is saying you're down you're. depressed today what's what's up let's. just cut to the Chase and stop. bullshitting right yeah that's one. aspect and the one I think about is. children right like I have five kids. that's important my son he's thriving.

now but there was the time during Co. when he was a freshman in high school. where he suffered immensely like my wife. and I were sleeping outside of his door. thinking he was going to harm himself. man it was not a pretty time in our. relationship. um in our family uh relationship and I I. wonder about that application like now. we know something's off all the bullying. taking place like all these parents are. like losing kids because they didn't see. it coming well maybe now we can see it.

coming because we can tell if they're. getting bullied in school because we can. tell if they're depressed we can run. algorithms on dude almost. anything social media like we can run. algorithms in back backround to see how. you're behaving on it how people are. behaving towards you if you're being. bullied same thing with the app like how. frequently you use an app like that's. important information what app are you. using normally you're doing your. meditation app all of a sudden you stop. you're looking at like your your screen.

like if you it can tell how hard you're. pressing on your screen so maybe you're. pissed off dude it's Endless. Possibilities we're going to start small. with kind of the Biometrics but. buddy there there's so many different we. got to be smart about where we go but um. there's a lot of applications to really. help with mental health and Beyond dude. not just mental health but we're going. to focus on Mental. Health man that. is that's really something man yeah that.

is um very. Innovative yeah I appreciate it man and. we I mentioned oh go ahead you go ahead. well I was just going to say I mentioned. we started um when I left the seal. Future Foundation we started another. nonprofit like uh a few of us ran a race. last year to raise money for that for. that nonprofit it's called The Invisible. wounds. Foundation um and that was stood up to. help First Responders law enforcement to. all the other communities like you know. like the Marine grantt the Army infantry.

like this is for everybody else not just. Team guys not just Special Forces this. is for everybody else and so last year A. bunch of us uh ran and uh SW swam 211. mies Eddie was one of them but we raised. a bunch of money and what we're what the. foundation does is it helps with um. research so we're going to do research. With Envy but we're going to do research. around mental health TBI PTSD and we're.

going to pay for these these different. groups to go through and receive. treatment with universities and then EnV. is going to measure that so that. nonprofit is um it's up and it's. supporting in that capacity but it's. also helping people with treatment too. so if people want some Innovative. treatment there's an opportunity for us. to support them but we raised a good. amount last year um I don't know did you. hear about the monster mesh Eddie had. mentioned it to me. okay so we ended up doing.

um we're supposed to skydive in but it's. super windy in Montana so we jumped in. and there was a couple Team guys a Green. Beret and a civilian ran ran part of it. with us uh so we took hilos and we. jumped in to the river in Montana and we. swam 10 miles and it's cold this is. November I will say that 10 miles went. by in an hour because we had the fastest. current dude like we were. just yeah so people here 10 miles are.

like holy [ __ ] you got to swim 10 miles. like we didn't to swim like we were like. pinballs in a. river we floated yeah and then we all. got out and then we proceeded over the. next couple days to to crush out um the. the run walk run and it was awesome dude. like I needed that for my own mental. health to get put in the ringer again. and do it with good buddies right like. so Eddie was there another Buddy Aaron. James um there is a bunch of good dudes.

one guy uh I won't share his name he. doesn't he doesn't like me sharing it. but he was a damn neck dude and a good. friend of mine he jumped out of the Hilo. and broke his foot and still ran the. whole thing. damn that's bad ass yeah but then we. wrapped up on Veterans Day and did a big. dinner and shared in Wyoming and raised. a good amount of money for for the. nonprofit man so good yeah good for you. so I know my audience and they're going. to want to help so what can they.

do. yeah well if you are one of the groups. that we talked about or if you're. struggling with mental health like reach. out the website is envy mh.com that. stands for Envy mind health.com like. sign up like do this with us man I just. I didn't know what I was doing I just. knew I was suffering man you heard my. story and there's a lot of us suffering. out there and we got to change that. stigma dude and so let's build this.

thing together for us um and download. the app mess with the app give us. feedback on the app if you're an. investor cool like Reach Out we'd be. honored to have a conversation with you. uh um but this isn't a Shakedown I'm not. trying to take money from folks uh we. just want good people that care about. this Mission want to get behind us is. that fair that's fair man yeah that's. solid work you're doing you know even. just you got a hell of a story man thank.

you for sharing it and. um I mean even just you setting the cuz. seal Future Foundation is a big. organization and for you to just set. that down. I mean that's big that's setting a lot. of Pride down and. uh for something that's bigger and. uh I just I mean that couldn't have been. easy to do I know that's got to be your.

baby. and get on you I appreciate man I. appreciate that some tough decisions but. yeah that young crew that's in there is. solid Bo that that those are my friends. like that board is solid they're like. senior executive CEOs like that. organization is doing tremendous things. and doing way more than I ever could. have right like the one thing I loved. about the teams I didn't like a lot but. one of the things I loved about it was.

like change of command every few years. right like it gets fresh energy Vigor. New Perspective. and at some point I'll turn over Envy to. once we build it into a monster mark my. words on that man like because I want to. do what you want to do I want to sit in. my my place in the mountains your place. out here in the farm and enjoy my family. and all the good work that we've. done there nothing more important than. that yeah you know it can have. everything in the world but doesn't mean.

[ __ ] if you don't have anybody to share. it with that's right too and uh well. Johnny. man it's an honor to know you man it's. uh I didn't know you at all I didn't. even know what you looked like you know. what I mean before this morning and and. uh man I'm just I'm really happy that we. met and uh I'm honored to to get your. story out there and uh this is. phenomenal.

Envy is phenomenal thank you we're just. getting started brother say right back. at you man thank you for everything. you're doing and how you Empower others. like me it's an honor man I appreciate. that best of Lu to you. [Music]. [Applause]. hey everybody I'm Shawn Ryan click here. to subscribe to the Shawn Ryan Show.

YouTube channel for the hottest and most. compelling interviews that you will not. see anywhere else I've also made a. playlist of all the previous SRS. episodes so they're easy to find you can. find that right here.