Jen Lilley - The Dark Truth About the American Foster Care System | SRS #314

[music]. Jen Lily, welcome to the show. >> Thank you so much for having me on. >> My pleasure. It's going to be an honor. I know it will be. >> That's very sweet. >> Good stuff. >> No, I I need to tell you before we even. like start the whole question situation. I I want to honor you for talking about. this subject because this is a topic. that people do not like because. [clears throat] this is a topic that. people do not like to talk about. It's. uncomfortable. It's something that's out.

of control. It's not a convenient topic. And you know, to be honest, it's a. conversation I don't like to have even. though I'm an advocate because it is so. uncomfortable, but it's something that. desperately needs sunlight. And so, I. just want to thank you so much for. talking about it and tackling this. issue. And I really think that this. episode's going to change people's. hearts, minds, and a lot of children's. lives. So, thank you. >> You're welcome. >> Yeah. >> I hope it does. this is uh kind of. turned into my specialty for whatever.

reason. So yeah, uh. >> no, honestly, this is kids is. >> is what I'm most passionate about was. veterans, >> then it was polit then it was a bunch of. other stuff and then after sifting. through the [ __ ] up world and that we. live in. >> it's unbelievable, man. It's kids, it's. sex, exploitation, trafficking, you. know, and I was having a a conversation. with my wife. I don't know, maybe a year. ago, >> six months to a year ago. And uh this.

really is my passion. I mean, I've kind. of blew the doors off with this uh who's. now my best friend, Ryan Montgomery. >> And uh. >> and ever since then, I've kind of been. on a path and talked to Tim Tibo and a. lot of people that are really involved. in this yourself. And um my wife said, "Man, if you really want to get into the. dark stuff, look at the foster care. system.". >> Yep. And uh then our mutual friend Kathy. uh actually randomly brought you up.

about. >> this and I was like, "Holy [ __ ] my wife. was just talking about this." So. >> I know it's dark. I don't know how dark. I started looking into it a little bit, you know, and and. maybe the darkest thing that we'll cover. depending on how in-depth you go. We're. definitely going to. >> start a conversation here though. >> Yep. It's really dark. I'm pretty scared. >> Audience should uh buckle up. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's it's the man it's the.

kids that. >> it's the kids that nobody wanted, >> you know, and um. and people. [sighs]. take advantage of that. and it's [ __ ] sad. >> Mhm. But. anyways, before we get too dark, let me. give you an introduction here. So, Jen Lily, you built a successful career.

as an actress and singer spanning more. than two decades with roles on Days of. Our Lives, General Hospital, and. numerous films on the Hallmark Channel. Behind the scenes, you and your husband. open your home to children in foster. care, eventually fostering multiple. children and adopting through the foster. system. Through that journey, you've. witnessed the realities faced by. vulnerable children, foster families, and the system meant to support them.

What started as advocacy quickly grew. into a renewed calling to fight harder. for those who often don't have a voice. You recently co-authored Called to. Foster, an honest guide to getting. started helping prospective foster. parents better understand the realities. of the journey. That's awesome that you're doing that. And um so before we get too far into. this, >> yeah, >> everybody gets a gift. >> Oh, >> Vigilance League gummy bears. Made in.

the USA. >> Amazing. >> Legal in all 50 states. >> And uh. >> I love it. Yeah, just a little. >> thing for the flight home. >> Thanks. [clears throat]. >> And then um we have a Patreon account. which is a subscription account and. we've turned it into quite the. community. >> So they get the opportunity to ask every. single guest a question. Yeah. >> Uh because I wouldn't be here if it. wasn't for them. >> That's right. >> So this is from Eric Alger. >> Okay. [clears throat]. >> You've worked in Hollywood for decades.

and have also been deeply involved in. foster care and adoption. Which. institution do you think is doing more. damage to America's children right now? The entertainment industry, the. education system, or the foster care. system? And what is one hard truth. Americans don't want to hear about it? >> Shoo. This guy's name is Eric. >> Yeah, >> Eric, you're awesome. Great question. Without a doubt. I mean, I don't even. think Hollywood and the education system.

and the problems that they have there. It's like they're dipping their toe in. the pool. Foster care is the deep end. >> It is so dark. >> Mhm. >> And the darkest issue of foster care. that nobody wants to talk about is how. it's a pipeline for human trafficking. >> Mhm. man. You know, I was just um. what do you do? Like I was just talking. to my um editors in the editing room and.

we were checking the camera angles and I. brought up an experience and uh but I. mean I think a lot of people have this. experience. You can. What do you do if you have that gut. feeling that foster kids are being. [ __ ] abused? But you there's no. evidence. >> It's just a gut feeling. >> Listen, >> because you know, you know what's. happening. Like you can see it and it's. just like, >> you know, >> what do you do? >> You get involved. I mean, how do you get.

involved? >> You get involved. Well, >> the biggest way obviously to get. involved is become a foster parent. And. it's not as hard as people think it is. It's actually. there's a situation, not to go deep. really fast, but there's a situation. going on right now. It's like a big buzz. that's going on in foster care. Alex. Adams over at Health and Human Services, which is he's the head of the child. welfare basically on the federal level. He has started a new campaign called a. home for every child. And you know,

here's the thing. It doesn't matter what. your religion is. It doesn't matter what. your socioeconomic background is. It. doesn't matter what your politics are. Most people, the overwhelming majority. of people would agree that you don't. mess with kids. Most people want the well-being of. children. Most people believe that. children deserve to have autonomy over. their body and not be sexually violated. Most people agree that children should. not be brutally abused. They should be.

fed. They should be bathed. They should. be well cared for. I don't care what. your politics are. That's true. So when. Alex Adams comes up with a uh you know. slogan or a campaign called a home for. every child, the political optics is amazing. You. know what I mean? Like that sounds. great. And I'm not accusing Alex Adams. of anything. I've never talked to him. I. don't know his intentions. I think that. a lot of people have really good. intentions, but the road to hell is. paved with good intentions.

A home for every child. What Alex Adams. and the HHS is doing on a federal level. right now with this campaign is they are. lowering the standards of what it takes. to become a licensed foster parent. And. when you lower the standards and make it. easier to become a foster parent, you're. going to recruit all the wrong people. >> Mhm. >> I think the idea was we are in a crisis. like we've never seen before in this. nation with a lack of foster homes. We've lost 36,000 foster homes since.

2018. And I'm sure at some point we will. get into all the wise behind that. But. if you're basically hemorrhaging out. foster homes, you know, and you're. you're like, "We desperately need more. people to foster. How can we get more. people to foster?" Oh, I know. We'll. just make it easier to foster. No. If people know anything about foster. care, and there's a lot of myths and. misconceptions surrounding foster care, but one thing that's not a myth is that. foster care is a hell hole. Not every.

home is like my home. There are. wonderful people that foster. Yes. Some. of my best friends, people that I think. are rock stars and I cry when I'm around. them because their heart is so. beautiful. They foster. You know, the. the co-author of my book, Dr. John. Degarmmo, that man is a saint. There are many really good people that. foster, but. this is like in my mind. It's not a. statistic that I've heard, but like I. almost would wager that like half are.

good. If actually I want to break it up and. statistically in my mind, what is like. what does Jen Lily's mind think? I'd say. 30 to 40% is really good. Home's like my. home. They really care. They got. involved for the right reasons. Maybe. 30%. is good. 30 is good. 30% kind of okay. They're not really abusing the kids, but. they're just like okay people that like. got involved in like they're jaded and. they don't really care. They're not like. sexually trafficking the kids. They're.

just okay. And then I would say maybe 40%. are awful hell holes. And so these. people, if you lower the standards of. what it takes to become a foster parent, you're just going to recruit more of the. bad. Make it hard. Make it hard to. foster. >> I don't disagree with that. I mean, that's [clears throat] one thing that. I've been trying to get people to. understand um when I do these.

interviews. Like we did a I think the. last I can't remember the last big one. was Elizabeth Phillips with uh Canon. Cook the big Christian camp. >> Okay. >> We I don't know if you know about that. >> I don't I don't know about it. >> What atrocious lots and lots and lots. and lots of sexual abuse and um and uh. and then they would NDA these kids so. they can't ever talk about it. And um so. Elizabeth Phillips is going around. that's her new mission. her her brother.

killed himself because of it. >> So, she's she's she's uh pushing. legislation for this law. They're. calling it tra law where the kids can't. be held accountable. NDAs don't matter. >> And NDA even be possible if you're under. 18. >> It's [ __ ] ridiculous. >> It's ridiculous. That's crazy. >> And then Yeah. >> And then Canakook tried to get me for. defamation. And. >> No, it's not defamation if it's true. >> But um but we've done that. We've done I.

had um my friend Schle on and uncovered. all the [ __ ] that's going on on Roblox. and had Ryan Montgomery on about twice. about 764 cult and then just in general. sex exploitation, >> how they lure kids off the internet and. Tim Tibo and. >> you know and so every time I do one of. these the audience they're infuriated. with an institution, you know, whether. that's. >> you know. >> a church or a gaming conglomerate or or. whatever it is.

>> But the and they're right, you know, they should be because a lot of these. they cover it up. You know, Canook, they. try to cover it up and they didn't even. hold the people that were doing the. abuse accountable. >> They they they covered for them. You. know, they're like, "Oh, well, we. reprimanded them and told them that it's. >> inappropriate to be playing naked. basketball with kids and it's a. Christian camp. This is the biggest. Christian camp in the country." was I'm. pretty sure we destroyed it. But but.

[clears throat] it does but that's not. the point. The point is, you know, that. every all the attention goes to the. institution. But just like what you're. saying, if you make. >> if you ease the restrictions on. fostering a kid, then that it's it's a. it's a [ __ ] magnet for pedophiles. It's a magnet for pedophiles. >> We were going to get into it so deep. >> and racist. And so, you know, and these. are. >> Yeah. >> these are people that. >> are of it's not it's not like a.

demographic like a lot of crime you can. put on, you know, a demographic of. people. >> Y. >> this is everybody. It's the rich, it's. the poor, it's black, it's white, it's. every country, it's it's we're the we're. the number one country that consumes. >> Yes. This is how I became a child. advocate. >> and. >> finding that out. Yeah. And so like the. United States is a cesspool for this. [ __ ]. >> It's a cesspool with this. >> Yes. >> And so what I'm saying is these people,

they don't they don't look like. scumbags. >> They don't even, you know, you think you. Oh, that guy looks You don't know, man. Nope. >> You don't know. This is everybody. Yep. >> Of every color, >> every every race, >> every. financial situation. Yeah. Economic. profile. and they just flow to the next. thing. You know what I mean? And so it's. it's oh great, cool, we took Canakook. down. Yeah. Maybe we got a couple of. pedophiles uncovered out of it, >> but the majority of them are just going.

to flow to the next camp. Exactly. And. it's what the parents are going to do. They're going to just be like, "Oh, that. institution's bad. Well, I'll put my. kids in this one." Dude, these [ __ ]. are everywhere. They are. >> It's like, how did the other counselors. not how does everybody become complicit. to that? You know what I mean? I guess. because they their life is threatened. But. I don't know. For me, I'm like, if there's one thing I'd be willing to. get canceled, if that's even a thing,

over, you know, if there's one thing I'd. be willing to like lay it all on the. line, give my career up for outside of. my faith, it's children who are being. abused. >> Yeah. I don't even give a [ __ ] anymore. They can pull my platform. >> That's what I'm saying. Like, like. literally, he'll go live off grid, you. know? Like, great. Thank you. >> But um but [snorts] I I think before we. dive into I people just need to get that. that you know that. >> this isn't just an institution that's. covering trying to protect itself. It's. all the people inside of it that are.

going to flow into the next thing. >> And there's millions of these people in. the US alone. And so you know I was even. thinking. >> I was talking to my wife because this is. this is the thing that I'm most. passionate about. So me and Ryan. Montgomery and I are going to develop an. application for parents to help protect. their kids uh from the [ __ ] that's going. online, you know, and. >> but then diving into this, >> I'm like, man, I was talking to my wife.

I was like, maybe we we're not there. yet, but maybe eventually, you know, if. things continue to go they the way. they're going in my life, maybe we open. a foster care home. >> Yeah. But then I started thinking, I'm. like, how the [ __ ] do you staff it? How. do you trust? You could have you could. have the most pure heart in the world. and open one of these, but how do you. find the right people to staff it? >> Yeah. >> What if What if you hire a [ __ ]. abuser? >> I mean, I know, but yeah, I got people.

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for 35% off your first month. subscription. You grew up, your parents were fostering. kids. >> Sort of. Not exactly. So, it's like sort. of my parents. So, my dad was a judge. Um, and my mom was uh one of the. directors. She worked at a crisis. pregnancy center. So there's a thing in. foster care where you it's hard to do. but you're supposed to as a foster. parent remain unbiased because one of.

the myths and misconceptions so one of. the myths and misconceptions of foster. care is that uh you know people are like. oh so are you going to adopt and it's. like no no no the goal of foster care is. not adoption the goal of foster care is. to reunite the child with their. biological caretaker. So mom, dad, whoever, whoever they left, their. family, you want to put the families. back together. So foster care is. basically let's take this child out of. this abusive or neglectful situation. Uh.

and by the way, it's a myth and. misconception. I believe that people are. taking their kids out of, you know, abusive or neglectful homes willy-nilly. Like I don't think social workers are. just trying to take kids out of homes. We have far too short. There's a huge. shortage of foster homes. In fact, yeah, I'll just go into it right now. In fact, it's gotten so bad in foster care that. in 13 states right now, children with no. criminal record are being put into. detention home centers because there's.

no room for them. >> Holy [ __ ]. >> There's something in foster care called. stop gap, which is basically I don't. know if it happens in other arenas, but. it happens in foster care. It's called. stop gap. That's a fancy way of saying. basically, we know that this situation. is so terrible for this child. I really. sympathize with social workers. Are. there bad social workers? I'm sure there. are, but I think that a lot of social. workers are just overworked and. underpaid. And I think that they have to.

make really hard decisions to remove the. child from the situation because they. know they don't have anywhere to put. them. which is why my whole mission is. like I've just got to recruit better. foster parents. So they if if a if a social worker is. going into a home where the ab abuse or. neglect is so severe that that child. needs to be removed from the home, that. social worker, it has to be pretty bad. for that social worker to be like, "Okay, I have nowhere for you to go, but.

here are your options." And this is. going on across every state that I know. of. Oh man, >> stop got placement. The child will. either sleep in a a shelter until they. find a placement. The child will sleep, no joke, in the social worker's office. until they find a placement. They will. put them in hotels until they find a. placement, which I don't know this for a. fact, but I imagine trafficking could. happen there. Or in 13 states, like I. said, they will just put them in.

detention centers. And by the way, when. the child with no criminal record is put. in a detention center, >> now they have a record. >> They not only have a record, but they're. treated as prisoners. There's not like a. label on the kids that's like, "Hey, by. the way, this is a child that's like. being placed in foster care and they're. just here as an emergency placement. We. have no room for them." No, they're put. in a jumpsuit. And like backing up from. it, and I'll get back to like my. parents. We'll get back out of this. hole, but. imagine a child. who the biggest myth and misconception.

of foster care, and I don't blame people. for thinking this. My husband used to. think this, my husband's amazing, obviously. Listen, I'm a lot to wrangle. The man's a saint, but 51% of surveyed. Americans wrongfully assume that. children in foster care are bad kids. That's the probably the biggest myth and. misconception. Children who are in foster care were put. into a system that's terribly broken.

They never asked to be there and they. were removed because of someone else's. choices because their caretaker or their. biological mom, dad, grandparent, whoever's taking care of them abused. them so severely or neglected them so. severely. The child protective services. had to step in. Now imagine being that. child. This is what happens all across. the nation in all 50 states. Child protective services gets called. and if the welfare worker decides that.

yes, the situation is so dire that the. kid needs to be moved right here and. right now. If the child is considered lucky, they. are given a trash bag. This is real. They are given a trash bag and they are. basically said you have five minutes to. pick up put anything you want like to. bring with you. >> You serious? >> Yes. There's a whole organization called. Comfort Cases. I'm very close with them. That's their whole mission. Rob Sheer. who's the founder of Comfort Cases. He's. amazing. He grew up in foster care and.

he always had trash bags. And so when he. and his husband started fostering, a a. child showed up at their house with a. trash bag and he was like, "I can't. believe this is still happening." So he. started this amazing organization called. Comfort Cases where they basically give. him a duffel bag, a journal, stuffy, clean pajamas, like all these. toiletries, all the things a child would. need. Imagine being a child who all of a. sudden child welfare comes in. And what.

people don't understand is that if a. child only knows abuse or neglect, as hard as it is to wrap our minds. around this, that child still loves. their mom or dad. They don't know many. times this is not normal behavior. Even. kids who are sexually abused, many of. them, they don't know. They don't know. this isn't normal. They don't know. >> It's normal to them. >> It's normal to them. So, a social worker.

comes in and then if they're lucky, they. get a trash bag to collect their things, their teddy bear, any piece of home. Nobody tells them why they're being. removed. They get put in a car. and driven to a stranger's house. And I. think about this all the time, like, what must go through their mind? Like, am I a bad kid? They don't know if it's. their mom's fault, their dad's fault. like they don't know if it's their fault.

and then they're going to go to a. stranger's house and be told like these. are your new parents and it's like. you know. are they do they like me like a lot of. them have shame automatically of like. what I have done and then I'm thinking. you're telling me that right now in 13. states and I don't know the states. because the report is very elusive I. used a lot of AI to kind of like I. looked up the entire report and like. reading the report uh it is bipartisan. There's a govern um cong a.

representative. I don't know whether. it's Congress or senator. There's a. representative I think it's out of. Georgia and a representative out of. Virginia. I think it's Hagen or Kagan, something like that that are working on. this. But even in their bipartisan. report, because they've uncovered that. this is happening in 13 states, the. report doesn't exactly say which 13. states this is happening in. This is. something I'm like currently. researching. AI is like, we can probably. tell you what four of the states are. with a lot of certainty, but we don't. know the other nine.

Imagine being that child. You're in the. social worker's car. Nobody's told you. why you're being removed. If you even. have a trash bag, maybe you might not. And then you're dropped off at a. detention home center. Of course, you're. going to think this is my fault. I've. done something. And no one explains to. you why this is happening. Foster care is so jacked up. It is so. jacked up. And I will tell you that it. is proven time and time and time again.

that kids in foster care are two times. more likely to suffer from PTSD than. combat veterans. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So, my parents, so going back up out of. the rabbit hole, [snorts]. they um there's a thing in foster care. we have to remain unbiased, which means. I can't basically get too attached to. the kid and want to adopt them. I need. to be unbiased and try to be. pro-reunification.

Listen, another myth and misconception. that I hear all the time is that people. would be like, "Oh, it's so sweet that. you're a foster parent. Like, I could. never do that. I would get too attached. That statement makes me want to cuss. I. won't because my fans would be very. upset, but you can cuss for me, Sean. [laughter] But it makes me want to cuss. because it's like, listen, if you don't think you could. foster because you would get too. attached, then you are the perfect. person to foster because these kids need. your attachment more than you need to.

protect your heart. You know, >> that's like the people they want they. can't watch they can't watch the Tim. Tibo interview because. >> oh it's too painful. >> They can't they can't see it. >> It's too painful. >> It's like well you're not the one. [ __ ] living it, >> right? Like oh you can't even watch it. So again, huge props to you for tackling. this and huge props to your audience for. watching this interview. This is a. seriously dark issue. But basically, because my my dad was a judge, my mom. was a worked at a crisis pregnancy.

center, they were kind of concerned that. things could be said where maybe they. they had bias. Maybe they used their. influence in order to sway a certain. case. And because my parents were like. very by the books, there. >> you mean sway a case? What does that. mean? >> Well, my dad's a judge. >> sway the kid to stay. >> No. So, there's a case that's opened. once a child enters foster care. Now, there's a court case that will determine. that child's permanency plan. Are they. going back home? Are they staying with. the foster parent? Are they going to be.

eligible for adoption? There's a case. that's opened, a court case that's. opened against the parent. >> Okay. >> And so, if my dad's a judge in. particular. >> and the child who's in our house was. adopted, technically somebody could. accuse my dad of pulling strings. >> Gotcha. you know, swaying the case. toward adoption. So, my parents never. became licensed foster parents. Um, but. there were often people living in our. house who weren't related to us. And so,

I was had many times, not it wasn't. ongoing, but I had many times throughout. my childhood where someone who was not. biologically related to me was staying. at our house. And so, that for me. planted a lot of seeds of empathy. they. became made me interested in foster care. um from a young age, but my husband. didn't want to do it. So, >> I mean, how would they integrate in? >> How would the child integrate in? >> Um sometimes the parent was also staying.

with them. So, it' be like a family that. just needed transition in life. So, the. parent would stay, right? And they're, you know, staying with us. But there was. one I I mean, I called her my foster. sister. That's kind of what my parents just set. the expectation of, you know, this person's going to be. living with us and we're going to treat. them like our family and, you know, was. a teenager one one time we had a. teenager living with us and I thought. she was so cool. So I was like, I. finally have an older sister, you know. So it's like I was just raised to, you.

know, I'd be like that's my sister. Like. I told everybody, you know, so I think. it depends on like how your parents. raise you. My kids know that my two kids. like desperately want to foster again, but I have four under 10. And I'm like, listen, the youngest just turned four. last month. Like, Jackie's got to get. into kindergarten before I tackle this. again. Like, I'm exhausted. I feel like. I'm failing you guys at all times. Like, I don't know why you think I can handle. more kids. My kids are set on having. six. And I'm like, "All right, listen.". Listen, I told him the other day, I. said, "Uh, once Jackie's in.

kindergarten, we'll talk about like. fostering somebody who's in an. elementary school, but by the way, I. love to put the fear of God in my kids.". I'm like, "Yes, I'm nice, but I'm also. like militant." I was like, "If that. child happens to go to your elementary. school, you will never tease them. You. will stick up for them. Like if I ever. hear if I ever hear that you tell the. other kids that they're like they're a. foster kid, >> I will take every toy you have ever. owned. Like I will treat you like a.

criminal like like like So I think it. depends on like the person that raises. them, >> right? >> You know, like I don't know. My parents. are just like normal is like we're going. to help them because that's that's part. of my faith. >> I mean what what is it what is it like. for them coming in, you know, child? >> Yeah. for your growing up with that, you. know, I mean, I've read that it was kind. of revolving kind of a revolving door at. your house as a child. >> Sure. What was it like for the child who. was basically in transition and living. with us temporarily or me? The child?

>> Yeah. I mean, is it I'm I'm I'm. genuinely curious. Like, they show up. then what is it awkward? >> I mean, it's got to be a little awkward, >> you know? I don't know because I was. >> especially if they're coming from a lot. of abuse, >> I think, >> especially if they're coming from house. to house to house to house. >> I mean, my wife was talking to a mutual. friend of ours. Uh, and and. >> he's really good friends with somebody. that's made it out and is doing really. well. Appears to be doing really well. >> Yeah. >> And she had mentioned something that she.

went to a house. and they were trying to rape her. >> Yeah. >> Over and over. >> Mhm. And I guess in the foster care system, you have um like a. what would I call this? Like a big. sister or like a mentor or. >> if you're lucky. >> If you're lucky. >> Yeah. >> And so she reached out and said, "Hey, this is happening. How do I deal with. it?" And the answer was just, "Yeah, it's just something you're going to have.

to go through.". >> It's like I lean forward and act like. I'm surprised, but I'm really surprised. I mean, that's so jacked up. is not a. unique story. I hear we hear that all. the time at Tulsa Girls Home. I mean, yeah, I could tell you stories that make. your toes curl. Um, what was it like for that child? You. know, I can't say what it was like. I. mean, but I can say. from friends that I have. who have fostered while they've had.

their own children, um, or who have fostered older children who. might be co might be cognizant of that. whole process. I think it's hard for them. I think they. don't have expectations. I mean, right. before the pandemic, we didn't. officially foster because she was aging. out of the system. But there was a girl. that was aging out of the system and she. had a terrible foster mom. Um, terrible. I would say she's in the.

second set of 30%. She's not like raping. her, but she's a crappy foster parent. She's making her pay rent. She's like, "The day your check dries up, you know, you're out of my house kind of. situation.". And uh my husband and I were at this. luncheon. There's this amazing. organization called Oliverest. And I. don't know whether Olive Crust is. national, but I know there's a lot in. California. And they're a Christian. organization. And in Los Angeles every. single year, they have a foster care.

lunchon. It's like a summit where they. call the 300 churches in LA, 300. Christian churches in LA, and they're. like, "We want to talk to you about the. state of foster care. It's awesome. Like. call the church to the mat." Because by. the way, foster care is a thing because. the church closed her doors and assumed. that the government would make a good. parent. The government makes a terrible. parent. Anyway, this girl, she's on this panel. and the panel, it's really awesome that. they do this. There's this panel. It has. a current foster parent. It had a parent.

who lost their child who ended up. reunifying with their child. So, they. talked about their experience. The. foster parent talks about their. experience. Maybe a social worker. I. don't remember who the third person was. and then this girl who was about to turn. 18 and age out of foster care. And the question was asked, "How has the church played a role in. your life?" And they passed this teenage. girl the microphone first.

And. I think anyone could probably deduce. what she was thinking about. in her. mind, but because I'm an actor, I was. just like, it was almost like I could. just read like thoughts going through. her head. And she's just like, um, uh, and you can tell that she's like, "Be a good girl. Don't say the wrong. thing. Don't insult these people. I'm at. like a church summit, you know." And it.

was so awesome because I will tell you. one thing. You want to meet a real. Christian, go to Los Angeles. California. Christians do not mess around. They are. my favorite people in the whole wide. world because it's like, oh, you. actually like you put your money where. your mouth is or put your mouth where. your money is or what, you know, however. that saying works. Like they walk the. walk. Why? Because it's not cool to be. there. I grew up in the Bible belt. I. can say this. There's a lot of amazing. Christians who live in the Bible belt.

There's a lot of also what I would call. spiritually gluttonous people that say. they believe this and they do not do. anything about it. They're just taking. it in. They're the bless me, bless me, bless me because they don't want to be. inconvenienced. They don't want to be. out of control and they don't want to do. anything that's not comfortable. >> Mhm. >> And to those people, I would say. [clears throat]. look at yourself very closely because. and I'm just speaking to Christians and. by the way, people can foster. There are. wonderful people who are not Christians.

But if I'm addressing the church who. like needs to tackle foster care and. needs to get involved and stop being so. complacent, here's the thing. What did. Jesus say? If you want to be my. disciple, deny yourself. Take up your. cross daily and follow me. That's the. only way you'll be my disciple. So, we. don't deny oursel. We we selflove. We. comfort. We soothe. We want to look. away. We want to have uncomfortable. conversations. We don't want to look. toward brokenness. But if you look at.

Jesus, he always ran towards brokenness. He didn't disqualify Mary Magdalene from. being like his number one girl because. what? Because she prior she was a. prostitute. No, he set her free. He. loved her. >> Mhm. >> Like Jesus ran toward brokenness. [snorts] So this girl is like stumbling. on the stage and so it was so awesome. because LA different breed. All of a. sudden these like pastors and. representatives, my husband and I are. representing our church. We're not. pastors but they were like, "Yeah, go. ahead. you guys are really really. passionate about this. They start. standing up and they're yelling at the.

stage. They're like, "Come on, call us. to the mat. Tell us what we could do. better. Like, don't don't sugarcoat it. for us." And I'm like, "These are my. people." You know what I mean? Like, yes, give it to me hard. Like, don't. don't don't. sugarcoat this for me. You tell me. How. has the church played a role in your. story? And so finally she bucks up the. courage and she goes, "I don't actually think I've had a. positive interaction with a Christian my. entire life.".

And I am, if you can't already tell, in. my relationship with my husband, I am. like the gas pedal, but I am like. mashing the accelerator. I'm like, "Let's go all the time." My husband is. not just a break. He's like the E bra. He doesn't want to do anything. He's. like a homebody. Like we're totally. different. We balance each other cuz I'm. super crazy. I know. And I'm thinking, "Oh god, I want to. help her so bad, but my husband's never. going to go for it." And he he just. looks at me and he's got like tears in. his eyes and he goes, "We have to help.

her.". And I was like, "Great." So, we talked. to her social worker. We asked them. questions. I went up to them and I was. like, "Do not tell her that we are even. considering this because I do not want. to crush her, but I got to meet with you. privately and I got to ask some. questions." So, I had to ask like, "Has. she ever molested another child?". Because these are things that like again. it's not that the kid is bad. Like. sometimes they're not taught this is an. inappropriate behavior. It's so jacked up and they're like no. she doesn't cuz I'm like my husband. worked night shift. I have three kids.

under three. Like I can't do this if. that's the case. And so she came to live. with us and then the pandemic happened. But I asked her when she moved in I was. like look she was 18. I was however. older I was 5 35. she's taller than me, you know, like I'm like this short. little white girl and she's this tall, beautiful black girl. And I was like, how do you want this to work? Like like. do you want like me to be like your. foster mom or like your friend or like. your mentor? Like what's our.

relationship here? She was like, I just. need to know what rules you have. And I. was like, "Okay, the only rules I have. in my house for you because like I know. she's had sex, you know, and and I don't. know like all of her background, but I. was just like, "No sex in my house. You're going to have sex. You go to your. boyfriend's house and uh you have to let. me know you don't have a curfew. Like. you are 18 years old and you you've. lived a lot of life. I do need to know where you are because. I will be worry myself sick. So, like. you don't have a curfew, but I need to.

know where you are. And I also need to. make sure so that like the door is. locked and things for my other kids. And. my only other rule is like just be a. good human. If the trash is full and. you're leaving for work and like you. have a second, take the trash out. Like. when you're done with your dish, if you. have a second and you're not like in a. rush, if you're in a rush, put it in the. sink. If you're not in a rush, like just. load it into the dishwasher. Other than. that, like I don't really have any. rules. You have any questions for me? So, I think it it depends on like they. want to know the boundaries. >> Every child wants to know boundaries,

but I really think it comes down to like. who's fostering them and what's the. expectation that they come up with. And. a lot of kids who enter um into foster. homes, a phenomenon that happens that I. don't blame these kids for is like they. call it like the honeymoon period. So, they get in there and they are on their. best behavior because they're trying to. measure you. They're trying to figure. out like, are you going to hurt me as. well? You know, what's this placement. going to be like? They're on their best. behavior while they're trying to take. your temperature. And then many of them,

if you're a stable home, they will act out really hard. And they. teach you this if they're good. If you. have a good training before foster. parenting, you're supposed to in order to get. licensed, you have to take like it it. varies state to state. It varies county. to county. It's one of the things that's. hardest about foster care is that you. have federal law, you have state law. All all 50 states have different laws. You have agency policies, you have. county law, and then you have judicial.

decisions that like weigh into how the. law is interpreted and what they want. for this particular child. So, it's. really complicated no matter where you. get. But um. so a child, back to the point, a child. will start acting out like crazy if. you're a good foster home many times. because they call it being evict. They. want to be evicted on their own terms. They're kind of like, "Let me let me. just reject you before you reject me.

because I cannot handle the pain of you. rejecting me one more time.". >> Bam. >> It's so bad. And so the good. I don't want to say the good foster. parents, but the foster parents who have. empathy and the endurance in that moment. will ride out that behavior because. inevitably the kid will restabilize if. you ride it out with love. Um, but that. is something that they train you in when. you do your foster care training. If.

you're with a good agency, they'll prep. you for that. But again, I mean, if. we're doing a home for every child and. we're lowering the standards, >> who knows if you'll learn that because. if you don't if you don't learn that. when you're getting licensed, then like. if all of a sudden starts acting like. Satan, you're going to be like, whoa. You know, like you're not going to be. prepared for that. >> And maybe you'll rehouse the child. >> But every time a child gets rehoused, it's more trauma and it's a personal. rejection that they did something wrong.

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they'll probably enter as a child, meaning 10 or under. Um and they'll be. taken from their mom or dad, right? Handed a trash bag if they're lucky, which to me is like an external. representation of how they must be. feeling internally, like you're trash. If they're lucky, I suppose they end up. at a foster home. Um, and then. if that foster home. just wants to foster and never wants to.

adopt, which I should clarify that statement by. saying my husband and I set out just to. foster. We had no intention of adopt. adopting because that wasn't the point. of foster care. That we were incredibly. grateful that we got to adopt, but that. wasn't like our goal. We didn't get into. foster care to adopt. But there are. foster parents and I don't blame them. because they're still really good people. where their whole mission is. just fostering and I suppose that they I. can't.

I can't tell you what goes through their. mental process. I can only speculate. that part of it is like if they adopt. then they won't have room to keep. fostering. But a lot of kids will be fostered for a. set of time. And. um again, every state, every county is going to. have different rules on how this works. So it's almost like, can I tell you a. typical journey? No. But I can tell you. a journey. Like in California, in Los.

Angeles, cuz that's the system I know. A child is given a timeline of 18. months. So, the parent has 18 months to. get their act together in order to get. their child back. Um, after that 18 months has expired, the. child, it's it's a jacked up term. It's. so jacked up. It's it's called. emancipation, which makes me think of. slavery. So, the child is legally. emancipated. Now, they're eligible for. adoption.

If that foster family wants to adopt. them, that's like what happened with our. boys. Of course, we wanted to adopt. them. We adopt them. But a lot of kids. will just ride through foster care until. they're 18. And if they're lucky, they'll stay with the same foster home. But usually they're going to be bounce. to bounce to bounce, you know, home to. home to home to home. I know that the. average kid in foster care. um goes by the time they've reached. fifth grade, just elementary school, they've already had five they've gone to. five different schools,

which is part of the reason why in. foster care, the out the educational. outcomes are so unstable if the child is. not adopted. And I always like to say. this because it's really interesting. So, I had like my parents are awesome. I. don't want to like act like my parents. weren't awesome. I'm really grateful for. my parents. No parent is perfect. God. help me. My kids will probably need. therapy from me. So, I have a lot of. grace, you know, from for my parents. Like, I think they did a fantastic job. But my parents.

uh you know, like I am an A type. perfectionist because of the structure. and expectations my parents put on me. It was literally like you're going to go. to the University of Virginia like come. hell or high water and graduate top of. your class. You know what I mean? Like, and I I did. Don't worry. Not top top of. my class, top 3%. I did okay. You know, when I told them I wanted to be an. actor, they were like like, [laughter]. "What is wrong with you?" You know, they're very supportive now, but they. were like, "Get a degree." So, I say.

this jokingly, but like truthfully, because I had two parents that like. watched my GPA like a flipping hawk. It. was like, "Oh, you studied. Like, oh, you made note cards. like you will spell. like nobody has ever spelled before. You. know what I mean? Like do it again. soldier. Like my parents were militant. on like how in my opinion maybe my. parents would be like that's unfair and. I'm like listen from my perspective it. was very intense. However, I changed elementary schools.

one time. I went from a private school. in third grade to a very good public. school in fourth grade. And because of that, I never learned, to. my mother's ongoing horror, I never. learned my 50 state capitals. Okay? Cuz this school, private school, teaches it in fourth grade. Public. [snorts] school taught it in third. grade. So, I fell into that gap. I said. this in a speech like a couple years. ago. My mom found out, I said it in a.

speech, and she literally printed the 50. state capitals for me and was like, "Study these." And I was like, "Mom, I've made it 40 years without knowing my. state capitals. Like, I'm doing fine.". But I always kind of say that because. it's like, imagine changing elementary. schools five times. >> Yeah. [clears throat]. >> All the education these kids missed. So, you have a lot of kids that are. illiterate. That's why the outcomes are. so bad. I mean, kids who age out of. foster care, only 3% go on to get a.

college degree. Only 50%. >> only 3%. >> This is of kids who aged out. Kids who. are adopted have much better outcomes. But kids who aged out of foster care, 3%. go on to get a full um degree by the age. of 26. and only about 50% graduate high school. or get a GED. man, >> but they fall in the gap and then they. don't have a consistent parent who is.

making sure that, you know, they're. getting these test scores. >> Mhm. >> Let's get a little dark for a second. [snorts] So, here's how bad it can get in foster. care, just from an educational. perspective. When I was adopting my boys, I was. invited to speak at um the National. Foster Parents Association. It's this. great it's great organization. I love. it. It's basically like let's get a. bunch of foster parents together, give.

them support, give them ongoing classes, and like be each other's support system. because, you know, I have military in my. family. I'm not a military wife, but I. always say like if you're a military. spouse, I would hope you have other. friends who are military spouses because. only they can relate to you. Foster care. is the same way. These kids have a lot. of problems. They are not bad kids, but. they have experienced severe trauma. >> Mhm.

So. other people who are normal parents who. have biological children who know their. entire medical history and didn't do. drugs while they were pregnant or drink. alcohol while they were pregnant. Like. their parenting advice for you as a. foster parent is like that is so nice. that you think that will work for this. kid. >> It will not. So, you have to know other. foster parents if you're going to like. survive this game because.

[clears throat] it is so jacked. So, I'm. at the National Foster Parents. Association. I'm like speaking, you. know, they were like, "Could you come. speak?" And I was like, "Sure, I guess.". And then they're like, "Hey, you have. however many hours before we need you to. come speak again." So, here's our. itinerary. You can basically like here's. your little badge. You can go into any. class that you want to learn anything. else you want. like you're curious a. subject. Like one time I went there was. like an FBI profiler and it was really. cool and they talk about like all these. kind of things about how they do.

interviews and as an actress I'm like I. want to learn everything about that. Like tell me about how you know if this. person's a psychopath. That's so. fascinating to me. So they have really. cool like courses that you can take. Well I'm getting ready to adopt my son. Kaden and I was like oh my gosh they. have a a class on adoption and the. adoption assistance program. I had no idea that when you adopted out. of foster care, you still get health. insurance for that child. You still get.

therapy for that child and you get your. monthly stipened for that child. Okay. >> Mhm. >> I was like, "Oh, I always figured that. people didn't adopt the child out of. foster care because they couldn't afford. to." That was kind of always myth and. misconception I didn't know. So, when I learned about there's an. adoption assistance program, I was like, "Oh, cool." Like, "Well, teach me how to. navigate that red tape because foster. care is like. I don't know. I'm biased, but I would. wager it might be the most bureaucratic.

red tape system in the entire United. States." So, I'm like, "Cool. I want to. go to that class.". People. sometimes assume that [snorts] you would. foster for the money. Once I became a. foster parent, I was like, "What money? Like, what are you talking about? This. monthly stipen like doesn't cover the. formula and diapers. Like, what are you. talking about? There's no money in. foster care. Like, you have two kids. Kids are expensive. I don't care if you.

don't even spoil them. Like, you feed. them, you buy them clothes, you do. anything kind of nice for them. It's a. lot of money. Like, kids are expensive.". >> So, I was always like, "What money are. people talking about?". So, I go to this adoption assistant. program. Like, wow, I had no idea that. like you got all these services. Like, how do I sign up? I had no idea they. still come with insurance. Like, this is. fantastic. So, I finish the class and. I'm like, I want to meet every parent in. this class. This is so cool. Like, I'm. going to meet my new tribe of people.

that are adopting kids out of foster. care. These people are awesome. I get a. couple new people and then I meet this. one woman and she's like, "Oh, yeah. What you want to do is you want to get a. D-rate kid." And I was like, what? >> That's Yeah, that's what I said. I was. like, "What's a what's a D-Rate kid? What does that mean?" And they she goes, "Oh, honey, I make $28,000 a month off. foster care." And I was like, "What?". And she was like, "Yeah, because I have. this many kids." And she goes, "Here's. the thing. You want to get a D-rate. kid?" I was like, "What is a D-Rate.

kid?" She goes, "Okay, here's how it. works. You want to make sure they fail. in school. If they fail in school and. you can get them on medication, your. rate goes up. Every time they don't pass. a grade, your rate goes up because. they're a more difficult kid. Every time. they need a medication, your rate goes. up. >> Holy [ __ ] dude. >> And I I I was shocked. Like, I was like, oh my god, that's how people that's how. bad people are making money out of.

foster care. And that's one of the. reasons the statistics are so bad. because again I think the intentions. were good. One of my kids. I love him so much and he's a really. sweet kid but he I'm finally to the. point where I'm like we got to get you. medication. I've tried every therapy. under the sun and I love you and I know. that you know I love you but like I. desperately need medication for you.

because I need your brain to slow down. because when you make decisions that are. not rash cuz he's very reactive. If he slows down he's not aggressive. Sweetest kid you've ever met. Everybody's favorite student. At home. it's a totally different situation. because he's comfortable with us. our rate will go up because now he needs. medication. and he's really a good kid, but it's a.

lot to parent him. It's a lot harder. than my other kids. Um, and not and and. one of my other kids is adopted. I just. say this to say that I think the. intentions of increasing the rate. was to incentivize good people to stick. with it. But again, what it did is. incentivize all the wrong people. People. who are in it for the money instead of. for the love of a child.

>> That's the That's just making money off. the government. >> Yeah. >> That's not even the real dark [ __ ]. >> We haven't even gotten dark yet. I'm. just saying. >> I mean, I'm I mean, I'm just It's. >> It's [ __ ] horrific. Yeah. >> Like. >> Yeah. People are fostering kids just for. the money from the government. >> So, they're going to encourage them, encourage the doctors to put them on. medications. They're going to create. scenarios. to trick doctors to put them on. medications. They're going to encourage.

the kid to act out at school, to not. study, not. >> I mean, incentivized the other way. What. if they get on honor roll? Give them a. bonus. >> It's like a demonic. It's, listen, this. is a nail on the head. This is a demonic. situation that exists because the church. closed her doors. And to be fair with. that, I know I could sit here for the rest of. the interview and tell you organization. after organization after organization.

that is Christian that is doing the. work. There are so many wonderful. churches. There are so many wonderful. Christian programs. There are so many. wonderful Christians who are in this for. the right reason. But there are still. far too few. [clears throat]. >> I read a stat. I think it was in this outline. I think. you said it. >> If every church in the country. fostered one child, there would be no. left none left to foster. Is that. correct? >> Yeah. And the statistic is even better. than that. That's an accurate statistic.

>> One child per church. >> Okay. That's an accurate statistic. Okay. So currently in foster care there. are 344,000. children in foster care. That's. according to health and human service uh. health and human services survey that. came out in May of 2026 this year. If. you look at something called the AFGARS. report which is what everybody talks. about in foster care. AFGARS is awesome. I have nothing against it. It's just a. term you'll say. AFGARS stands for and I. might mess this up. Adoption and foster.

care analysis reporting system. AFGARS. Everybody just calls it AFGARS, so I'm. just going to call it AFGARS. AFGARS. runs the survey of how many kids in, how. many kids out, how many kids got into. foster care because of substance abuse, how many kids got into foster care. because of abuse abuse, how many foster. care, you know, kids got into foster. care because of poverty related issues, which is a big thing. They want to measure all the metrics and. thank God for AFARS. AFGARS right now. will say 330,000 children are in foster.

care, but health and human services says. that 344,000 are in foster care. Okay. So, I'm going to go with Health and. Human Services because it's a little bit. more accurate. You have 344,000 children in foster care. right now. You have on average 350,000. churches in the United States. To my. knowledge, that's just Protestant. churches. So, we're just talking. Christian churches. We're not talking. about Jewish churches. I don't think. that includes Catholic churches. This is.

Christian churches alone. On average on. any given day you have 350,000 active. open Christian churches. So yeah, if one family out of every. church fostered, you'd have the whole. problem solved. But the statistics are. even more encouraging than that. We have. homes for about 75% of the kids in. foster care. So honestly, if one family. out of every four churches in the United. States were to foster, we would also not.

only eradicate the problem of children. going to hotels, hospitals, social. worker offices, or god forbid, detention. centers in 13 states. You would not only. house every single child that's waiting. for a home, you would have more than. enough homes ready, willing, open, and. licensed for when the next kid popped up. into the system. But the reason I think. that people don't do it outside of it. being uncomfortable, you have no. control. That's the hardest thing about.

foster care as a foster parent. You have. no control over these kids' cases. You. don't get an opinion. However, >> does the kid get an opinion? >> Not always. if their guardian ad lightum. which is their lawyer. interviews them and asks them for their. opinion but many times the kid does not. get an opinion it depends on who the. social worker is if the social worker. cares and I don't mean that to say.

social workers don't care social workers. are seriously overworked for example. I had a girl she was the whole reason my. husband and I got into foster care and. her social worker. was so overworked that I asked her, I. said, "How many kids do you have on your. docket, like on your case load?" She. said, "86. How do you have 86? How how do you have. 86?" And this is back in 2016,

Sean. The stats have gotten. [snorts] so so bad. I thought foster. care was a bad and in crisis mode when I. was doing it in 2016. The current. numbers are horrifying. Um, I will continue with that in a. second. I will say, okay, so as a foster. parent, you do not have control. However, if you're a good foster parent,

like I was a good foster parent. I took copious notes. I took notes of. every It's like, oh my gosh, it's like. when we're having this interview, I'm. like, there's so much I want to unpack. here. I feel like I got to get all the. worms out and almost like try to tell. you this in order. Don't let me forget to get back to these. numbers. I will finish the thought of I. think the reason the church doesn't get. involved is because of the bystander. effect. I'm sure you've heard of the. bystander effect, but for anybody else. that's like, what is that again? The.

bystander effect is this really. interesting psych psychological premise. that if if someone's screaming for help. in a grocery store, for example, most. people will not get involved and help. that person because they think that. somebody else will do it. You are much. more likely apparently statistically to. get help if you're like out in the. middle of nowhere and somebody hears. you. They're usually going to run and. help you. But the bystander effect is. just kind of assuming that like somebody. else will do it. And I think that's.

what's going on with the Church of. Foster Care is not only is it. uncomfortable and it's something we. don't want to like deal with because. we're worried about our heart getting. broken, which makes me want to cuss, but I. [laughter] won't. You know, I think it's. also the assumption that like, oh, that's nice. Somebody else will do it. Or that's nice. I could never do it. I'd. get too attached. Oh, you have to be a. special person to foster. It's like I'm. not the likely candidate to foster. I'm. an actress. I'm out of town all the. time. I'm traveling all the time. Like I.

have thousand children. You know, I'm. not the candidate. >> But if I can do it, they can do it. Okay. >> So, when it comes to control and you don't. have control as a foster parent, >> usually, and again, this is a kind of typical overview of. foster care, but anybody that's. listening that's a foster parent could. be like, "That's not true." Well, maybe. they had a different experience because. they have different laws or county. agency rules, you know, like everything.

in foster care, like there's almost like. no no holistic through line. But in. general, here's how foster care works. Child's removed from their home, they're. put into a foster home, and the 18, at. least in California, 18 months is on the. clock for that parent to get their act. together in order to get their kid back. During that 18-month period, the child. will have visitation with their parents. in California and this is not what. happens in all 50 states and actually. went to Congress to like rally and get.

this done and everybody was into it. >> It worked. >> I didn't end up I didn't end up going. forward into the law of creating this. So, we'll like pause that and get into. that. But this is how California does it. And. as much as you want to say about. California and like listen guys, I am so. apolitical it's not even funny. I like I. got no preferences, man. I think both. sides are so jacked up. I'm like, I'm. just here existing trying to love. people. California does foster care pretty well.

in my opinion, especially LA County. And. that's because almost 10% of the kids in. foster care are in LA County. >> Are you serious? >> Yes. Why? Because LA. is where no one everybody goes to chase. their dreams, right? I don't want to be. a parent. I'm chasing the l like I'm. climbing the ladder. I'm climbing my. status. Like get out of my way. I'm the. next big thing. So LA is like ground zero for foster.

care. And so with that said, I think LA. does a really standup job. That's not to. say there's not bad players. Like you. know that. I don't believe everybody in. government is bad. I think there's a lot. of bad people in government. I think. there's bad Me too. >> Yeah, I know. I know we have that in. common. But I think there's bad players. everywhere. I think you can't just say. like broadstrokes every single person. who works for the government is bad. You. can't. There are people that are like in. there just dying. trying to fight a system that they're.

never going to win. Foster care is the. same way. You a lot of bad people in. foster care. You have a lot of bad. players in foster care. You also have. good people in foster care. So, California, here's how it works. 18-month timeline. Kid is going to have. monitored visits with their parent. They're going to have visitation with. their parents where they're monitored, which means they're supervised visits. Somebody's basically at the visit. This. is something that I had to do. Not all. foster parents have to supervise the. visit. The agency that I went through, Childhelp, highly recommended that the.

parent, the foster parent, be the one. that's supervising the visit. And we. have to take notes if we're good foster. parents. >> Hold on. >> The the the biological parent monitors. Did I [clears throat] get that right? The biological parent has a visit with. their kid. >> so that they don't lose connection. >> and so that they see their kid because. the goal is to put them back together. It starts out because that child was.

removed from their home. [clears throat]. Sorry, I spelled my router wrong. They can't just trust the parent with. that child alone. So the parent is. monitored. The parent is supervised. That visit is supervised. So you have a. third party and in my personal case it. was me who would monitor the visit and. that monitor is supposed to if they're. doing their job right there they're not. supposed to basically intervene in the. visit unless the child is in danger. So.

for example there was one time with my. son Kaden. I love their biological mom. I love her. She was not a willful child. abuser. Most children who end up in. foster care end up in foster care. because of neglect. Not because of child abuse. Not that the. neglect is not abusive, but. foster care is a cycle. It's a very. broken cycle. So, usually a child who. ends up in foster care,

chances are extremely likely that their. parent also grew up in foster care. >> I knew you were going to say that. It's. a generational curse. It's a. generational curse. The grandparent. probably was in foster care. And that's why again, if good people get. involved in foster care. and stop the cycle, break the cycle, God knows how many generations of kids. after them that they're saving. My kids.

will never have kids that end up in. foster care. So, I had a lot of love. I. have a lot of love still in my heart for. my boy's biological mom because she. wasn't a willful child abuse abuser. And. I would tell her that. I would talk to. her very frankly. I'm like, "Listen, sweetheart, if you were a willful child. abuse abuser, my relationship with you. would probably look a lot different. I don't know how I would navigate that.". But. I don't I had to write reports about the.

meeting after they happened. And these. reports were read in court. And I told. her, I was like, I don't go home and. write these gleefully. Like, it brings. me no joy to write these reports, but my primary job is to protect the. child in my care. Sometimes I have to. protect him from your bad decisions. I'm so sorry. And I know it's because. nobody taught you what real love looks.

like. And I would tell her over and over. and over again. And I. I think she knows it, but I I don't know. that she knows it. You know, like in her. gut, I'm like, I don't know that anyone. in your entire life has loved you like. I've loved you. I don't know that. anyone's ever shown you real love. Because one of the. biggest things that happens in foster. care, especially with the moms, is like. I've heard I listen, I didn't read up on.

the statistics before I came here, but. this is what I've heard repeated over. and over. So, somebody could fact check. me on this and I will admit maybe I'm. wrong, but I have heard that domestic violence. and foster care are run parallel. There. is a parallel relationship between. domestic violence and foster care. She had a domestic violence situation, but there was one there were many. visits. We met we met three times a week. for hours on end. It was exhausting. Um,

and that's not required of all foster. parents, so I don't want that to deter. people, but I write about it all in my. book. But there was one time where it. was like literally. Kaden had scissors, which he shouldn't. have had anyway. And I was like, okay. like his scissors and he went to like. the scissors were by an outlet and he. took the scissors and was about to put. them in the outlet and I just had to. like sprint across the room and just. grab him and I had to write about it in. my report like this parent is not ready.

to have their kid back because they. don't understand [laughter] like the. science of don't stick sharp objects in. a socket. Also, kids shouldn't have. scissors. You know what I'm saying? She's not a willful child abuser. She. just doesn't know how to be a mom. because nobody ever taught her how. >> Mhm. >> So, in California, you have monitored. visits. These [clears throat] go on. until the parent shows some sort of. progress that like they're doing well. enough, they're doing well enough in. this visit that they can go to. unmonitored visits where basically, hey,

we're going to trust you to babysit your. own kid for 2 hours, right? After that. goes on for a period of months, whatever. the court decides the timeline is, that. parent in the state of California will. go to overnight visits. So, you're going. to get your kid back for maybe one. night. You're going to get your kid back. from for a weekend. And then after that. goes well for a period of time, they're. going to face like final reunification. where that child's case is closed and. now the child goes back with that. parent. That's an amazing way to do.

reunification. I was shocked beyond belief when I found. out that that was not the system in all. other 40 in the 49 other states. I was. like, why not? Because you're a parent. I'm a parent. Parenting is freaking. hard. Parenting is so stressful. I. thought I was like a kind, sweet girl. with the fruit of the Holy Spirit until. I had kids. I was like, "Woo, I did not. know. I did not have patience." Like, until you asked me for the 10th time, a. question I have answered 10 times. Like, I'm going to make you a peanut butter. and jelly. Would you shut up? Like, you.

know what I mean? Like, parenting is so. stressful. Now, imagine being an addict. You're an addict. I had an eating disorder for 15 years. I. wasn't a drug addict, but in my head. that's a dopamine addiction. Addiction is something that people fall. into because they're stressed and it's a. coping mechanism. So, you want to tell me you have an. addiction problem to like hard drugs? You've gotten yourself clean and then. I'm just going to throw a child back at. you full time without like first having.

gone through like dipping your toe back. into parenting when I don't have my. finances in order. I've just gotten. sober. I'm not required to necessarily. take parenting classes. Depends on which. system I landed in as a parent. Now. you're gonna throw my obnoxious kid like. back at me who's been severely. traumatized because they've been through. my trauma. They've been removed from my. home. They've bounced home to home to. home. Told that they're worthless. Nobody cares about them. Now I've got. them back. So they're like super more. traumatized than they were when I got. them. You're going to expect me to stay.

like sober and clean and not mess up? Premature reunification. is a terrible idea to the point where. 36% of infants reenter foster care. I. think it's within 12 months. It's. definitely within 18 months. >> 12 months. >> Yeah. And then all other age groups, um, so infants is 36%. re-entry rate. All other age groups, it's between 25 and 29% re-entry rate. And so I went to Congress in 2020 with.

Dr. Dr. John Darmmo, my co-author, who. is like the leading expert in this. nation about foster care. I can't. believe he wanted to write a book with. me. I was like, "Bro, you don't want to. write a book with me." Like, I'm a hot. mess. You don't want to write a book. with me. We go to Congress because he's. in Georgia. I'm in California. And I'm. like, I had no idea that this was not. like the way that all reunification. works. Let's talk to Congress about. this. Bipartisan support. Every single. person we met with was like, "This is. awesome. Let's do it. Let's craft a.

bill. By the way, have you ever. considered running? And I'm like, there's not a situation where I work for. the government. I'm sorry. That's not. going to happen, but I will craft a. bill. Then this person will remain nameless. for safety reasons. We met with somebody. This is a 2020. We. met with somebody who was very high up. in health and human services. So, they're on the federal level of handling. child warfare, uh, welfare, child. warfare, Freudian slip or something. Yeah. And um this person literally says like,

"Leave your phones outside this room. They are definitely listening. I need to. talk to you before you get into this.". I'm like, "Okay, cool." She brings me in. a room with Dr. Darmmo cuz we're we're. there on Capitol Hill advocating for. reunific premature reunification reform. in all 50 states. And that should. happen. She's like, "Look, you can spend your time creating a law, making sure it gets passed. That's how. you want to spend your time advocating.

for kids. Go ahead." But let me tell you. what's going to happen. They're going to. make your bill all of a sudden is going. to be 300 pages long. And they're going. to do something that's called Christmas. treeing. That's what we call it in. politics where all of a sudden something. that like you would completely oppose. and disagree with gets slipped into your. bill because most representatives. and I I I [snorts]. can't blame them. I want to blame them. Most representatives, they're so busy. They don't have time to read 300page.

bill. They're going to read the. broadstrokes or they're going to get. their assistants or their interns to. basically be like, "Give me the summary. Give me the cliff notes of what this. bill is." A lot of these people don't. even know what the hell they're voting. for. >> They don't even know. Like the good ones. at least get their What is my stance on. this? >> I've had their aids tell me this [ __ ]. >> Yeah, >> this. >> 100%. They want the cliff notes. Tell me. how to vote for this. So, they don't. even know what they're passing into law. And they also want to know, I mean, now. this is why I don't like politics. They.

also want to know like, well, what's. going to get me reelected? It's all a. game, right? So, this woman from HHS was. higher up. She was like, "They're going. to stick something in your bill that. like you never intended to go into law. and it's going to jack up kids." And. there are many laws like we will. hopefully discuss that have happened in. the last. 8 years to foster care that have taken. it from bad to worse. And so it was in that moment that I was. like, "No, you know what? I don't I care.

about premature reunification, but she's right. It's going to suck up. my entire time." And then God knows what. I'm putting into a bill. And I have to. like face God with that. Just stand. before like God who I fear in a in a. healthy way. I have a healthy fear of. the Lord. I love him so much. And I'm. going to have to be held accountable for. some like Christmas training like some. clown put into my bill like something. that I disagree with. No. So I quickly. decided like the only way to help solve. this problem is I got to recruit better. foster parents. I got to multiply. myself. I got to get good people in this.

fight. So that's what I pivoted and. that's what I've been doing ever since. >> Most gear looks good until you actually. start using it. Then you find out pretty. quickly what holds up and what doesn't. That's why I keep coming back. to ROA. These aren't just lifestyle. sunglasses pretending to be performance. gear. I've worn mine training, on the. range, traveling, and outdoors for long.

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for 20% off sitewide at checkout. That's. roka.com. and use code SRS. Welcome to Hollywood versus reality. They do it right. >> What does he do in the movies? Tell me. if [music] I'm doing this wrong cuz I. don't watch any of this. Little flick. like that, right? Seems pretty cool. It.

is pretty cool. Got to silence it. In another lifetime, I did gun reviews. for a living. Proprietary magazines, supposedly the best engineering in the. world. When that breaks, you're. now bringing them back. It does look prettying cool. I got to I.

got to admit that. >> All right, Jim, we're back from the. break. >> Yes, >> the numbers. >> Okay, >> what numbers? >> There are so many numbers in foster. care. I'll just start with the. statistics so we don't get so far down. this rabbit hole that we forget to go. back. Okay. >> Okay. The first thing I'll say is that. statistics are tricky because it depends. I have found who funds the study, when. was the study, what was the sample, like.

how many people were surveyed, how was. the study conducted, right? So like. these numbers can be all they can. fluctuate. Mhm. >> There are different statistics in my. book than the ones that I'm about to. say, but when I was preparing for the. show and I was looking at the current. numbers, these are the current numbers. and I have all the data to back them up. Okay, kids who age out of foster care, which means they never got adopted, they. never got guardianship, they had no. permanency placement, [snorts] and they. turned 18 and that's it. They're out of.

the system. They're on their own. Of. those kids, that's called aging out of. foster care. Okay? of those kids, here. are the statistics. 46% will end up homeless by the time. they're 26. >> 46%. >> 46% is a way lower number. To me, that. number smells bad. That number smells. like a lie. However, I'll stick to the. number. At least 46% end up homeless by. the time they're 26.

Like I mentioned earlier with. educational outcomes, only 3% will go to. college. Only about half will graduate. high school or get a J GED. Boys who age. out of foster care, five times more. likely than their peers to be arrested. Girls who age out of foster care, 14. times more likely to be arrested than. their peers. Boys who age out of foster care, six. times more likely to be convicted of a. crime than their peers. And a lot of.

that is because. kids in foster care are easily. criminalized because a lot of situations. that would normally be handled within a. family situation where you as a parent. would straighten your kid out or do. something or intervene or hire an. attorney or do something if your kid was. acting out. That doesn't exist for these. kids because they don't have anybody. stable correcting them. That leads to. having a wrap sheet, having a record, which makes employment harder. It makes.

all things harder, you know, getting. jobs, job security, all these things. Okay. About half will have a substance. abuse problem. Uh, girls in foster care. who age out are two times more likely, actually it might not even be who age. out, but girls in foster care definitely. who age out are two times more likely to. get pregnant um before the age of 21. than their peers. Again, it's a cycle. that repeats itself. And uh. >> Jeez. >> Yeah. And then here's and I think I said. it earlier maybe there's like a prison.

pipeline and that's very interesting. because I think I said it earlier but. like kids in foster care only make up 1%. of the kids or less than 1% of the kids. in the United States. Yet currently in. all of our prisons and jails 17 to 20%. of the people in jail. came from foster care. >> 17 to 20%. >> That's a way lower statistic than is in. my book which I also have like the the. stats for where I found that. All of. it's really crazy. Trafficking is crazy.

We'll get into trafficking. Trafficking, I'm like I could just talk. about the trafficking statistics right. now. There's a thing, I'm sure you're very, very, very familiar with it and probably. your audience is too called the National. Center for Missing and Exploited. Children. They estimate that 63 children out of. foster care disappear every single day. And those are just the ones that are. reported. So HHS, Health and Human. Services, which again, that's the.

government office for like handling. child welfare and lots of things in our. country, they actually estimate that. it's tens of thousands more uh of. children go missing. But we know the ones that are reported, that's just the ones that are reported, 63 kids disappear out of foster care. every day. Now, a lot of them go. unreported in foster care for a lot of. reasons. It is very common, very common. I have dealt with this many times. We've. dealt with this many times at Tulsa. Girls Home, Child Health, all the. organizations that I work with. It's.

very common for children in foster care. to run away. >> Um. that is for a lot of reasons. Many times. it's because they've gone from abuse and. neglect by their biological parent into. an abusive neglected foster home and. they want to run away. they've been. bounced placement placement placement. and then again maybe they get into a. good placement and it's too good to be. true and they want to evict you on their. own terms. They want to run away. A lot. of times those are not reported because.

it's become normalized. Running away has. become normalized. A lot of times the. social worker or the person who's caring. for them is like I know they're at their. boyfriend's house. I know they're at, you know, their friend's house. They. just kind of assume they know where that. kid is. Meanwhile, that kid is very. vulnerable to traffickers because. they'll meet a trafficker. And you know, you guys talked about this like Roblox, social media. That's probably the majority of the way. it's happening is social media. These.

disgusting perverts, these traffickers. will lure the child in thinking that. they're going to give them everything. foster care didn't. Stability, food, housing, love, and affection. And I. mean, these kids are so primed to be. trafficked and then they go missing. It's unreported. and they get trafficked. So there's a. huge trafficking pipeline. that goes on in foster care. >> Now, do you think that they are targeted. because they're in foster care or is.

they just falling victim more than the. normal child because of the. circumstances? >> I think it's both. I think traffickers know that children. in foster care, many of them are not. Nobody's looking for them. >> How would they know who's in a foster. care program and who isn't? >> I have no idea. I do not know how. traffickers know that. I don't know. I. don't know how it works. You know, I. don't know how long they stalk them. I. have no idea how a trafficker's mind. works. But. here is something I learned about human. trafficking the other day that.

I will say [sighs]. to your audience who is so wonderful to. be watching in this hard conversation. that I'm going to spread some hope. I'm. going to spread some love and some light. at the end of the tunnel. But this is. not that moment. So if this. conversation's already been hard for. them, now is the time to go get a water. >> Very used to it. >> Uh-huh. So, anybody else? Here [snorts] we go. Because.

I learned this the other day and. I was literally on a flight and I. thought things from foster care could. not shock me. And I almost I I almost barfed like on. the plane. I was like, I don't think I. can handle this. All right, I have fact checked this. The seven ways. to Sunday. So I am 100% confident about. what I am about to say.

There is no federal law nor is there any. state law in any of the 50 states. that makes it a crime to adopt a child. out of foster care for the explicit. atteent intent of sexually exploiting. that child. It's not illegal. What do you mean it's not illegal? >> There is no law. So like let's say. trafficker A knows this and this is. already going on cuz I was like should I.

say that on the show? Is this educating. people how to traffic? No. Traffickers. already know all this crap. That's why. I'm like you're like how do how do they. know if they're in foster care? I'm like. I don't know. I [laughter] just know. that these people have a insatiable. demonic hunger for children and I don't. know how they figure it out. Okay. Right now in all 50 states, if a. trafficker adopts a child out of foster. care. for the intent of selling them for sex,

there is nothing the government can do. It is not prosecutable. There is a. loophole in the system. But it gets so. much worse than that. When a person. adopts somebody out of foster care, they're given all the parental rights. that a normal biological parent would. have. Okay, so I have the same rights. over my adopted children as I do my. biological children. Same Z's. Trafficker A knows this. Trafficker A. adopts a child out of foster care with.

the intent of sexually exploiting them. It's not prosecutable. >> How is it not prosecutable? It's still. >> It is not a law. And by the way, it has. been brought up. Congress is aware of. this gap. Congress is aware of this gap. This situation apparently has been. discussed in Congress. Nobody's doing. anything about it. >> Congress doesn't give a [ __ ] about kids. >> Like the Epstein [ __ ] Look at the. entire [ __ ] administration. [laughter]. >> A whole different episode you and I. could talk about. >> They don't care. >> They don't. I guess. >> they don't give a [ __ ] about anything.

but patting their own pockets. Everybody. know. Almost everybody knows it. Maybe. the extreme right and extreme left don't. realize it yet, >> but that's who the [ __ ] they are. That's. what our government is. Speaking of. that, before we continue with Trafficker. A and the adoption, let me tell you how. I got into like this whole situation. So, I found out when I booked General. Hospital, it's 2011. I booked General. Hospital. I booked this movie called The. Artist. It was nominated for 10 Academy. Awards. It won five, including best. picture. Amazing. Like, I'm on the map.

And my publicist at the time. who promptly got fired, she's like, "You. need to, you know, I'm thinking about. like what is going to be this the. subject that I talk about, right? I'm. all into the world water crisis. I'm a. school tour speaker." It's true. There's. a water crisis going on. The facts are. there's more people that die in the. world every day than war, malaria, and. AIDS combined. Horrible. Clean drinking. water. Such an easy solution. It was a. great thing to talk about. I talked.

about it for like years. There's a lot. of celebrities talking about that. because it's a really cool issue. It's. very clean. It's very easy. There's a. solution. It's very easy to talk about. [snorts] So, I start praying cuz I'm a. person of faith. And I literally feel. like the Lord's like, "You need to look. into what's going on in your own. backyard." And I was like, "What's going. on? Like, what what issue?" He was like, "This is all great, but there's people. already talking about this. There's an. issue that needs sunlight that nobody's. talking about.". So, I'm in my office. Start looking on charitynavavigator.org.

because there, I'm sure you know, are a. lot of horrible charities that like. don't do it all what they say they're. going to do. I always tell people, I'm. like, "Listen, if charity wants you to. support them. Ask them for their 990. That's their tax return sheet. you. better look at their 990 and know. exactly where those dollars are going. because anybody will ask you for a. dollar but you better know where it's. freaking going because there's a lot of. bad nonprofits that are totally. profiting off of your you know. generosity of heart. This is 2011 I come across what is now.

called and you're well versed in it. child sexually explicit material. Okay, in 2011 it's just called child. pornography. We don't call it child. pornography anymore because of course. that implies consent and the kids of. course do not have any consent. And I. find out that the United States, like. you said, is the number one producer and. consumer of child pornography in the. entire world. It's not Thailand and it's. not, you know, Russia and all these. countries. We want to like point our. fingers at them and be like, "Oh, child. brides, whatever." No, we're the number.

one producers. We're the number one. exporters. The average victim is under the age of. five. So back in 2011 before Snapchat, which. was like one of the worst things that. ever happened to children, Snapchat is. like the devil. And the darknet wasn't. like fully a dark, it wasn't as dark and. deep as it is now, right? 2011 was still. a time when basically, and I'm. oversimplifying this, but like whatever. the broadstrokes is true.

Basically, you could monitor from cell phone. reception towers and you could figure. out like which IP address is like where. is the house that's ex that's that's. making these child pornography files. I'm just going to call it child porn. because it's easier to say. Okay. If I'm in California, you're in. Tennessee, and I create child. pornography, and I toss it over to you. via email, however they were doing it, it now kind of becomes it falls under.

federal jurisdiction because it's. crossed state lines. So, that sort of. lifts a lot of the parameters or at. least at the time that maybe things have. changed, but at least in 2011, it lifted. a lot of parameters for warrants and. like how you could kind of get these. guys. So there was I was part of this. organization called the Innocent Justice. Foundation which at the time was getting. money and they were training like SWAT. teams and police officers saying like. here's how you basically figure out. where the perp is in one in five of. those cases you would find a child like.

actually on site that was the victim. Okay. It was 98% success or higher. Maybe it was 99. It's at least 98%. success conviction rate because you. would find like on the guy's, you know, computer like here's all the files. We. know you did it. It had high conviction. rates. So I start talking about that. I'm like, dude, I need to talk about. that. My publicist at the time is like, you cannot talk about that in Hollywood. I didn't understand why. I was like, why? Like why? Somebody needs to talk. about this. This is an issue that. desperately needs sunlight. Like I'm.

going to not talk about it. She promptly. fired again is like, "Why don't you talk. about like the ASPCA or like abused. animals?" I'm like, "Cuz Betty White's. doing a fine job talking about that. Like lots of people talk about these. issues. Are you kidding me? If people. knew this was going on, like people. would be up in arms about it.". >> Why do you think they want to hide it? Why do you think the publicist wanted to. hide it? >> Probably cuz Hollywood's complicit to. it. Now, I don't know that from a. personal standpoint. I but I well I sort. of do but I like I'm like I think not.

all Hollywood is bad but they're totally. part of it. Totally part of it. Like are. you kidding me? So she knows and she's. like you cannot talk about this in. Hollywood cuz I think like. not all of Hollywood again I know so. many good people. I hope that I'm one of. them you know but there are bad players. in every industry and there are. definitely bad players in media. >> Mhm. [clears throat]. >> Definitely. I mean, the whole Epstein. thing, please. P. Diddy, like, come on. There's so many rings that's going on.

Child abuse, child actor abuse. There's. like a documentary called Quiet on Set. I mean, you know, this is a real thing. that's going on in Hollywood, whether. people want to face it or not. So, I. think that she's like, "You can't talk. about this in Hollywood because you're. going to make a lot of enemies." And I'm. like, "Screw that.". >> Again, like there's one hill I would get. canceled on. >> Like, you you can't silence me. you. can't buy me out when it comes to like. advocating for children. So that's how I. got involved and um this is really. important. Then we'll get back to. traffic array.

So the organization Innocent Justice. Foundation, I was not with them, but. they went to Sacramento and they asked. Sacramento, it was at least $200,000. It. was either $200,000 or $250,000. Let's just be conservative and say we. asked for $200,000 in order to get more. equipment to train law enforcement. Like. here's how you figure out which cell. towers these are bouncing off of. It was. like very ironclad. It was a formula. The dark web didn't really exist so. much. Human trafficking was like not.

even a phrase to my knowledge. Like. people were not calling it that. So we. had a super high success rate. Go and. make the case in Sacramento. We need. $200,000 in order to buy this equipment, in order to train law enforcement how to. find these perverts and get them locked. up forever. We have a 98% conviction. rate. Meanwhile, true story, another group, advocacy group, comes and. asks for at least $200,000 worth of. white paint in order to cover up. graffiti. Guess who got funding? >> The graffiti. >> Mhm. So, when we went back and said,

"Well, [sighs]. how could you pay $200,000 for white. paint? Wouldn't you agree this is a more. serious subject?" And this was the. answer we got from Sacramento. Now, I. don't know who said this. I just know it. was somebody from Sacramento in power. We don't get calls about kids being. trafficked. You know what we get calls. about all the time? Graffiti. What the [ __ ] man?

>> So, this is the same thing when you're. saying politicians don't care. I'm like, look, I think some politicians would. care, but it's not a pressing issue. And it's. like, that's why we got to make it a. pressing. >> because they're addicted to this [ __ ]. power that they think they have. They. really have no power. >> The love of power, the love of. >> Because they I don't I just All of them. All of them. You see them right now. Like all these all these people. It's. just [ __ ] crazy, man. It's like you. have no [ __ ] power, dude.

>> You're a representative is how it's. supposed to be set up. >> You have no power. You're [ __ ] scared. to talk about kids being trafficked. >> Mhm. >> You're powerless. You are completely. [ __ ] consumed by this. >> fear of being canceled. Fear of being. not elected. >> You're You're consumed by power that. doesn't even [ __ ] exist. You're. completely control. You can't even stand. up for [ __ ] kids. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. Yeah, >> because you're addicted to a power that. you don't [ __ ] have. >> Your position. >> and we know you don't have it because.

you can't talk about [ __ ] kids. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. Fear. >> It's all of them. It's [ __ ] all of. them. It's all of them. >> Okay. So, back to trafficker A. Trafficker A knows he or she cannot be. prosecuted. So, they adopt a kid out of. foster care. They now have all the. parental rights. Currently, right now, these are the current stats cuz again, this is Friday night. I'm on a plane. gagging as I go down the rabbit hole. I. fact check this cuz I just did not want.

it to be true. Currently, right now in the United. States in 33 states, a parent, trafficker A, can sign away. their child to get married before the. age of 18. They give parental consent. Child does not have to have their. opinion. Child's not asked. I can sign. away this child that's now legally mine, trafficker A, to trafficker B.

Trafficker B can legally pay trafficker. A bridal fee or a dowry. It's not. prosecutable. because we can call it a bridal fee when. what it really is is I'm purchasing a. human for sex. Now, in these 33 states, 19 of them, if you have a marriage license, you are legally. shielded. from statutory rape because it's not.

considered rape inside of marriage. You. You're not raping a child. You're raping. You're having sex with your spouse, your. husband, your wife. >> Holy [ __ ] dude. And in the other 14, law is tricky, right? That's why you. always like if you ever need to be in a. lawsuit, you need to get a good attorney. because law is subjective to how someone. interprets the law. So in those other, so there's 33 states. where you can trafficker A can sign away.

their child to trafficker B. In the. other remaining 14 states, maybe that person would be prosecuted, but there's a case, right? Because. there's a marriage license. It's not a. get out of jail free card, but maybe. >> Holy [ __ ]. >> And they know this. There's also. something called being rehomed, which is. as a parent, as a parent, you know, if. I'm having an issue with my child, like. I can go send my kid to live with their.

grandparent or whoever I want. I have. that right as a parent. You're going to. go live with your aunt. You're going to. go live with your neighbor because I. can't handle you right now. That's the. excuse. Or whatever it is. for whatever. reason. It's called rehoming. They just. get traffic. Traffic traffic. >> Yep. Pretty freaking bleak. Yep. So, that's that's one thing that's. happening in foster care. And again,

that's why I hope it upsets people. But. it's like, what's it going to take for. us to get upset enough to to become a. foster parent? What's it going to take. for people to be upset enough to like. mentor a child in foster care or become. a a childappointed special advocate, a a. CASA? You know what I mean? Like, not I I get it. Not everyone can foster. There's a lot of reasons why people. couldn't foster. Maybe, you know, they. have a medical diagnosis or something. They're not able to. No one's no one's.

ever gonna like put a gun to your head. and be like you better foster. You know, I get it. Not everyone's called to. foster, but everyone is called to foster. care because if you care about. homelessness, if you care about human. trafficking victims, if you care about. domestic violence, if you care about. substance abuse, if you care about child. abuse and neglect, this is ground zero. And the statistics I told you earlier, like that's the outcomes that happen if. we don't step in. But if you step into a.

child's trauma young, when they're young. and and even as a teenager, I mean, we. have girls that come through a Tulsa. Girls Home, which is a qualified. residential treatment program, which we. can get into. It's like a whole thing. Group homes are not designed for kids. Like, group homes is like one of the. last places you put a child because it's. not it's not good. They've been bounced. around. and they have so many behavioral. issues that they need to end up in a. qualified residential treatment program.

That's the fancy term for it, a. therapeutic group home. They're jacked. Like they land here, they land in like the group home. They. are jacked up. Still with the right. therapy, the right love, the right. encouragement, the right, you don't have. to be a statistic. The right person. saying, you know what, you are more than. a statistic. You are more than a number. Statistics are so numbing. These are. children. those stats, they're children. And when people realize that this is a. person who has never been told that they.

matter, when you tell them they matter, even if they're a teenager, those. statistics go down. So, it's like we've. got to get involved. All right, back to. the numbers. This is so crazy. It's all crazy. It's like not like I. haven't said a thousand crazy things. >> [laughter]. >> All right. So, currently, like I said, Health and Human Services says there are. 344,000. children in foster care. AFGAR says. about 330. When I got the call to do this.

interview, I was like, they're like, do. you know stats? And I was like, yeah, sure. I went to Congress. I used to be. able to rattle them off. So, I'm like, let me just quickly look at the AFGARS. report. I can tell you the current. numbers. And I see that there's 330,000 in foster. care on the AFGARS report. And I'm like, what? That can't be right. Because when. I was like super active in this, on any. given day, it was safe to say there are. 430,000. children in foster care. So I call it. Dr. John Darmmo, who's the leading.

expert in foster care in our nation, who. does this eat, breathe, sleeps, like he. is an expert witness all across the. country. That's what he does. He's. expert on child abuse and neglect in our. country. And I'm like, John, can you explain to me what happened? Like, why are the numbers like why have. they dropped by a 100,000 children? Because as long as I was an advocate and. as long as everybody I know who has been. an advocate, who is blew in the face, we. have been like trying to put a dent in.

this system. How are the numbers this low? What. happened? Like did we really like are we. fixing this? And he's like, "No, no. It's like the worst thing that's ever. happened to foster care." Hidden foster. care. I was like, "What?". Okay. If you look at the So, there's 344. There used to be 437 kids in foster care. at the peak in in and around 2018, 2019.

There was 437. It was like the worst. numbers in foster care. I looked at the AFGARS report because. again that's the report that everybody. uses adoption of foster care reporting. analysis reporting system. In 2018 there. were 675 children who had any sort of. interaction with foster care. They they. might get a stipen. They're somehow. they're involved with child welfare. They might not be in foster care. 437,000 were in foster care, but 675,000. are being served in some capacity by the.

child welfare system. In 2024, there's. only 505,000. being served by foster care. >> And I'm like, where did all these kids. go? Right. All right. They go into to explain this. properly, that's 170,000 children gone, cleared off the books. And you can. imagine this looks great for all the. politicians. We're solving foster care. Look at the numbers. They've never been.

so low. The press release writes itself. But the truth is so much worse. So to. understand where these 170 go, I kind of. got to put them into two buckets. The. first bucket is 55,000 children. This is. according to the 2025 report. There's. 55,000 children who are in foster care. right now who are in what's called. kinship care. Kinship is they're placed. with grandma. They're placed with a. relative, kin, okay? They're with some.

sort of relative. That's called kinship. care. 55,000 of them are placed with an. unllicensed relative, which is fine. You. know, they go with grandma. The problem. is when they go to an unlicensed. kinship, because that relative is unlicensed, he or she. either gets very little um assistance.

financially to pay for all the needs of. that child or they get none. The child. often doesn't come with Medicaid. The. child doesn't come with therapy and what. we call wraparound services where you're. trying to like rehabilitate them. Grandma, let's just call it grandma. Grandma gets no assistance. She's not. getting any help. She's doing it out of. the goodness of her heart because like. maybe her child was an addict and maybe. it's not generational. Maybe grandma was. a good person and her child just became. an addict. You know, that happens. It's.

horrible. And so her grandkid is going. to end up in foster care. Of course, grandma's going to be like, "No, no, no. Put the baby with me." But grandma's not. licensed. And so grandma's just stuck. out here with no services like doing her. best. if grandma's a good person and a lot of. them are. I know many cases where they. are. So like I want to like kudos to the. grandma's I'm pro kinship care when it's. when it's a good fit. But if you're not also like giving them. assistance, you're not giving them. parenting classes they need, if you're.

not educating grandma on the fact that. like there is a huge thing going on. right now with like child traffickers. like targeting them online. If she. doesn't know, she's not like she doesn't. have to keep a license. So she doesn't. have to have parenting classes. She. doesn't have to have like ongoing kind. of state of the union that a normal. foster parent has to know. >> Hey guys, you know what's going on is. like traffickers are targeting these. children online. We take online predator classes. We take. like here's what's going on in child. welfare. That's another reason why you.

can't lower the bar with a home for. every child. Like tell me what's going. on. Tell me how to protect these kids. Grandma's not getting any of that. And. who's who's pocketing the money? I guess. the government. So there's 55,000 that. are over here. Now there is. 100,000. to 300,000. This is the current number. Current. estimates are between 100,000 and. 300,000 children who are in what's.

called hidden foster care. This is based. on the 2024 or 2025. child analysis trend report put on by. the Annie Easecy Foundation. They're. great to my knowledge. They put out. great studies. I assume they're great. These are children who child welfare. knows that they need to be removed from. the home, but they just rehome them and. put them with a relative or somebody.

else, but there's no court case that's. ever opened. There's no record, which. means there's no social worker checking. up on their welfare. There's nobody. looking at them. There's no case. So, they've just taken the crisis and moved. it off the books. And look at us. We're. solving foster care. >> Holy [ __ ]. >> And you want to know why they're doing. that? Of course you do. In 2018,

in my opinion, at least in my lifetime, to my knowledge, the worst thing that could have ever. happened to foster care happened. It was called or it is called. the Family First Prevention and Services. Act. Let me tell you what that is. That. is uh it was a bipartisan act. They had. a lot of advocacy groups that were part. of crafting the law. The law had great.

intentions on paper. Okay? So, I don't. know any of these people. I'm going to. assume they had great intentions. Here's. what the broad basis idea was. You know what? We have something in the government. I. got to like break this down step by. step. The the broadstrokes idea was what. if we instead of putting children in. foster care focused our energy on. prevention so they never enter the.

system in in the first place. That's a. great idea. Prevention. Great idea. Okay. Family First Services Law passes. And there's something in the government. called Title 4E. I'm only going to say. it once because I don't want to lose. people on like the nitty-gritty of it. Title 4E is $9.6 billion a year is spent. on children in foster care. So, it's. basically like a federal open checkbook. But the problem with Title 4 and that.

9.6 six billion with a B dollars is is. that this money only comes into play. after the child has entered foster care. So again, it's bipartisan. This this law. passed with flying colors. Advocacy. groups were part of crafting it, though. I remember do Dr. John Darmmo. specifically and a lot of my friends. were like, "This is going to be a. disaster." And it has been. When the 2018 Family First Prevention.

Services Act. came along, they were like, "Hey, why. don't we take some of the Title 4E 9.6. billion and put it toward prevention?". Great. This is a great idea on paper. On. paper, I could be a huge supporter of. this. Here's why. The majority of kids. who end up in foster care end up in. foster care because of neglect. And many. of that neglect is poverty related. neglect. Okay? So. again, not to oversimplify it because a. social worker really is not,

to my knowledge in any case I've really. heard, just like yanking a kid out of. foster care or out of their home because. they don't have anywhere to put them. But there are a lot of times where the. kid enters foster care because of. poverty related neglect, which means. they don't have a bed, mom doesn't have. groceries, mom's a single mom. There are amazing organizations. One is. called Care Portal. I'm obsessed with. Care Portal. CarePal is a Christian. organization that's basically like the. Christian Craigslist of foster care. So,

the whole premise of it, it is. prevention. The whole premise is like, "Hey, let's apply common sense to this. crappy system. Maybe if mom is single. and she doesn't have food in her pantry. and she can't afford a bed for the. child, maybe instead of traumatizing all. parties involved, we should just get the. mom a bed, fill her pantry, and by the. way, as the church, wrap around that mom. and be like, "Hey, sweetheart, being a single mom is got to be tough.

What can we do as a church to help you?". >> Right? Mhm. >> So there are amazing organizations that. are helping with prevention. So Family First Prevention Services Act. passes and the idea is like let's. prevent child children from entering. care. Great. What it ended up creating was more. bureaucracy and red tape on a system. that already had enough bureaucracy and. red tape. So it's caused a lot of.

problems. very first problem that it's. created is um. it's like oh my gosh I got so many. things swimming in my head. I'm like I. want to tell you all the things about. Family First Prevention Services Act. I would say the first problem that. advocates talk about with Family First. Prevention Services Act of 2018. is that. Congress decided. in order to make sure prevention is. actually working,

we're only going to give the money. allocated for prevention to. programs that have at least 50% of the. money that we're allocating for this. whole prevention thing. At least 50% of. the budget has to go toward programs. that have like the most high scientific. data behind them. Also, sounds great, sounds like common sense. However, there. are many wonderful programs that common. sense would say, get the mom groceries,

get the mom a bed that is preventing. that child from entering foster care. But because they're in a rural community. or they're serving minority and maybe. they're in a lower income area, they. can't afford the research. They're not. like tied to some like fancy college. running data analysis. So e so social. workers found themselves being like okay. even though we know this service. prevents children from entering care. we can't do anything about it because. they don't have research. So that was.

one problem. >> Yeah. the [snorts] next. And so like the. solution to that, the common sense. solution to that would be like, all. right, look, you can do several things. You can instead of creating like this. government federal clearing house list, that's what it is. Like these people. have to be on a list. Their program like. definitely has scientific research, you. know, showing that their program works. You could just get an expert panel to be. like, you know what, this program is. working. We see it. you know, put an.

expert panel on it is like one of the. many solutions you could do for that. But that's one of the problems that. Family First Prevention Services Act. caused more bureaucracy. Second, it funds. the entirely wrong thing. And it's like. Sean, I don't even know like I don't. even know of all the there's seven. problems that this whole system has. created. And I don't know which one. makes my blood boil the most. Maybe this. one. I don't know till I get to the next. one. It funds the totally wrong thing. Okay. So you have social workers. Social.

workers again like I said some of them. have 86 kids on their case. They are. doing their best. The one thing that. child welfare services does that no. other government office does is called. case management. Case management looks. like um coordinating the visitations, the monitored visits, making sure that. parent is getting the biological parent. is getting the parenting classes he or. she needs. making sure that they get the. drug and substance abuse program, you. know, that they need. Making sure that. the the the social worker is like air.

traffic control for, you know, talking. to the court, talking to the guardian. adm talking to the therapist, talking to. the foster parent, and making sure that. there's a holistic view of what is going. on. That's called case management. That's what you would think that you. would fund with prevention services, >> but they didn't fund that. Instead, the. prevention services, whoever was in. charge of it, decided that what they. would fund is like, "Let's fund the drug. substance abuse program. Let's fund the.

therapy for the child. Let's fund, you. know, whatever the hell they're. funding." And again, that sounds great. until you realize that Medicaid already. covers that. So [snorts] now what happened is these. social workers who just want to do ca. case management, their entire day is now. taken up pointing fingers trying to. decide how to exhaust Medicaid before. they can get any title 4 e money put. into their case. So it's like who's. funding what now? Who's on first? And so.

critics of the Family First Prevention. Services Act would say, "Let Medicaid. fund what Medicaid funds and let us fund. case management.". You want to hear something else that's. crazy? Another problem? >> Mhm. >> This is mindboggling to me. Family First Prevention and Services. Active 2018. does not require. any data attached to it. There are no. analytics. So they say prevention works.

but they have no way to measure. >> what. >> the outcomes. Correct. >> What? >> Correct. So they can't they don't states don't. required by this law. This law does not. require states to measure the outcomes. So they can track how much they're. spending. but they can't track whether it's. working. There is no data system that. shows how many programs did your how. many people did your program help. How.

many kids actually were successfully. prevented from entering foster care? Nobody knows because the law does not. require the data to be measured. >> Holy [ __ ]. Starting this podcast was one of the. biggest leaps of faith I've ever taken. And at the time, I had no idea if. anybody would listen, if it would grow, or if it would turn into what it is.

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Sign up for your $1 per month trial. today at shopify.com/srs. Go to shopify.comsrs. That's shopify.comsrs. >> Next problem. Residential treatment programs got way. harder. So again, I think this law had great intentions. A.

lot of experts like Dr. Darma was like, "This is going to be a train wreck.". There were a lot of people that saw the. red flags, but for whatever reason, nobody listened to them. And by the way, there's been a lot of advocates. advocating for things to change, and I'm. not 100% sure why, but they don't even. make it to the floor. And I think it's. because, if I'm just speculating, I. think everybody kind of wants to get.

credit for passing a bill, but nobody. wants the to own up to the unintended. consequences of the bill, right? Everybody wants to point their fingers. So, residential treatment programs. There was an old 1965. Medicaid law called the IMD, the. Institutes, Institutions for Mental. Disease Law of 1965. This law was a Medicaid law that was. passed in order to basically it blocked.

Medicaid federal funding for mental. health institutions for adults, right? because the federal government's like, "We don't want to pay forever for an. adult who's just going to end up in a. mental institution for the rest of their. life." And I have a lot of compassion on. on people that live in mental. institutions. I could talk about that. for days. I have a lot of empathy there. But there was a law whatever 1965 IMD. institutions for mental disease was. passed in 1965. It was meant for adults. It was never meant to touch children in.

foster care. But when the Family First. Prevention Services Act of 2018 passed, what an unintended consequence of that. was that group homes, if they had more. than 16 beds or residential therapeutic. treatment programs had more than 16. beds, now they were like, "Ooh, are they. falling under the old 1965 IMD law? We. can't fund this anymore.". So you have these great programs and I. believe Childhelp actually which is an.

organization I love. I think that this. law I think this is one of the ways it. backfired on them. They used to have a. village in California. and. in that village it was like a bunch of. cottages. They were little like group. homes that were like in a neighborhood. structure. There was a there's a school. on the property. There was therapy. And. these are kids. that have been so severely abused that. the federal government's like, "There is. no hope for this. There's no hope for.

this child. Like, just send them to jail. or send them to the mental institution. There is no going back with this child.". And the founders of Childhelp. over 60 years ago were like, "Not on our. watch. Let's just give it a go. I think. love can heal a child." So, they opened. up this village, for example, in. Bowmont, California. I used to be I used. to be one of their mentors, but the. program's been shut down. And it shut. down as one of the consequences of. Family First Prevention Services Act. It. complicated it. Children who end up at childhelp are.

literally I know this case. Children. that like some of them were raised as. dogs, for example, they've been raised. their entire life in a cage. They made. it to 9 years old. They don't know. they're not a dog. No one's ever taught. them how to speak English. man. >> No one. They don't know how to eat food. They don't know how to speak. They don't. know they're not a dog. You can't put that child in a foster. home. You can't. That's why there's. levels to foster care. There's normal.

foster homes, there's traumainformed. therapeutic foster homes, there's group. homes, there's qualified residential. treatment programs, and then there's. jail and menstrual institutions. And. then there was child. So, of course, they have more than 16 beds. And the. outcomes for the children who went. through child help are incredible. Some of them went to go on to be like. politicians, lawyers, doctors, teachers. These are the most severely abused cases. that the federal government literally. ships them in from all 50 states. And.

they're like, "If you don't help them, nobody else will." child help. Their. village in California doesn't exist. anymore. because you lose all your funding. because somehow, you know, nobody wants to pay for that. anymore. So, that was one of the problems. And I. don't know if that's specifically why a. child hop got shut down there. It was. like a compounding of a lot of issues. It's kind of a complicated issue, but. like that was one of the compoundings. You have something that that this law of.

2018 created and it's called qualified. residential treatment program. People in. social, you know, in foster care, they. call it a QRTP. I'm not going to do. abbreviations for you. That is a group. home that provides a lot of therapy. That's what Tulsa Girls Home is. So, you. get the cases where like kids been. bounced around, bounced around, bounced. around, adopted to be raped. That's. extremely common. that happened with the. girl that we took in at 18. We asked.

her, we said, "Do you do you want us to. adopt you?" And she was like, "No." And. we were like, "Whoa." And she's like, "Sorry, sorry. When I hear the when I when I. hear adoption to me, that means rape. And I know you guys don't want to rape. me, but that's what I hear.". >> Jeez, >> that's not uncommon. Yes. And it's not. the first time I've heard it, Sean. I. can't tell you. I can tell you at least. five kids that I've talked to that have. said the same thing. I'm sorry. adoption. means rape to me. And then once they're caught in that.

adoptive home for being raped, if. they're caught, they just get put back. in the system. It's so jacked. So, Family First Prevention Services Act. created something called a QRTP, which. is a qualified residential treatment. program. and they basically said, um, you know, we're going to put these kids. into this program, but we want to. eliminate all these programs because the.

whole idea is if the statistics are so. bleak, the statistics we went over, they. age out, you know, they become homeless, substance abuse problems, arrest. pipeline, all of that. Well, they look. at the data and it says that if they. lived in a group home, their. statistical, you know, outcomes, likelihood of having these outcomes is. 2.5 times more likely if they end up in. a group home. It's not the the. therapeutic group home that's causing. those statistics. It's that by the time. you've worked your way up from family to.

family to family where you need a group. home, it's the trauma. It's the. unresolved trauma that nobody wanted to. deal with. It's not the qualified. residential like therapeutic treatment. program that's causing that outcome. Nobody's looking at it, right? And the. other thing that this law created for. people that are actually doing it, right, >> is the assessment to get into the. residential treat treatment program that. was put into place, more bureaucracy. because of this law is maddening. It's.

called the CANS system. I do not know. what CANs stands for. It's on all 50. states. Before a child can receive the. therapeutic level of treatment that they. need, like at Tulsa Girls Home, there. has to be some sort of analysis that's. run on them to determine whether they're. eligible for those services. But it's. like a online portal that has some sort. of strange algorithm that nobody can. figure out. And like we've seen this at.

Tulsa Girls Home, hey, this girl is. suicidal. She is cutting and she says. she's going to kill herself and this. this and that. Hey, this girl is. suicidal. She's cutting herself and this. this and that. Same case on paper. She. qualifies. She doesn't. Why? I don't know. Thank you, Family. First Prevention Services Act for trying. to prevent these kids from ending up in. group homes. It's bizarre. And then.

another problem that's complicated. because of it. is that. there was this thing it's fancy term is. revenue neutrality trap. All that means. is that. instead of creating an entirely new. revenue stream to say you know what we. believe in prevention but we know that. we're going to have to pump money into. preventative services. We want to like. stop the kid from ever entering foster. care. Instead of creating a revenue. stream and like building this up and. like working toward prevention, let's.

get those families, especially if. they're poverty related neglect, let's. get them taken care of, which is not. what Family First Prevention Services. Act is budgeted for. instead of doing all that. Um, sorry I lost my place because it's like. it's like so it's literally just like. it's the messiest thing in the world. But it's like okay [snorts]. I lost my place. Let me look it up. Where is it? Where is the bullet point? [laughter].

Revenue neutrality. Okay. Yeah. So. instead of instead of just creating a. new revenue stream, they they whoever. whoever they is, Congress thought if we. want to stop group home placements, we'll just defund the group homes and. assume that we can put these kids back. with normal families. But again, if the. kid qualifies for a group home, they're. so jacked up that they need this level. of care. You can't put them with a. foster parent. And most foster parents.

won't take them because they're like, I. I I'm not qualified for that level of. trauma. I'm I'm not a I'm not a. therapist. I don't I don't have It's a. totally different set of qualification. that would qualify you to take a child. that that has been through that much. trauma. So, there's nowhere to put them. So, all these kids like fall into the. gap. Now, they're being put in detention. home centers cuz it's like, "Oh crap, we. shut down your therapeutic residential. treatment program. You didn't qualify to. get in. And now we have nowhere to place. you. I guess we'll just put you into a.

hotel until you age out. >> Jeez. Or jail. >> Or jail. So they they basically like burned the. bridge before they, you know, it was. like let them get the therapy they need. You assumed that these kids if you took. the therapy away that they wouldn't need. it, but they need it. And then they did. not do the math on there's nowhere to. put them. Who comes up with this,

>> dude? I don't even know. It's It's. again, there were advocacy groups. It. was bipartisan. I don't know why people. didn't see the red flags, but. regardless, if you didn't see the red flags, but now you do. By the way, 2025 study, eight years in, seven years in was the. data. We're eight years in now. data. showed from 2025, this is mind-blowing, that of that $9.6 billion,

only two cents of every dollar actually. went toward prevention. And of that two. cents, 60%. went to administrative drag because. there's so much paperwork now that all. the kids are falling into the gap. Nobody can keep up with the paperwork. because you got to have research and you. got to have Medicaid billing first and. you got to have all the paperwork and. you got to have the CANS assessment. You.

got to prove that this kid is jacked up. enough to need this therapy. And so all. of these social workers who are already. bogged down are bogged down with even. more paperwork. And here's the stats. Here's the current stats as the result. 36% turnover rate in social workers. within 18 months. That's just the. national average. It's 57% in Florida. Annual well 18month turnover rate. It. might be annual in Florida. Foster.

parents, depending upon where you're. surveying them, 30 to 50% of foster. parents burn out within 12 months. because you feel like you're in this. system. The good players are quitting. because they're like, I can't win. It's the worst thing that ever happened. to foster care. and nobody wants to take blame for it. So, nobody's really addressing the. issue. And so again, it sounds so bleak, but my. answer is then good people have to. foster.

because you're never going to solve all. of this, but if you advocate for a kid. and you actually. champion your social worker. who might seem like a total jerk, but maybe they're just overworked, underpaid, and feel like they're not. making any difference, so they're. depressed. Social workers don't feel like they have. any say. guardians that light them, the. lawyers, sometimes they feel like they. have no say. And it's because foster. care is so complicated that every single. person has a piece and nobody has total.

control. But you got to get the good people to. stay in the fight. You got to fund the. social workers, fund the case. management, let Medicaid pay for what. Medicaid pays for already. This is such. a mess. >> How do you fix it? I I think I genuinely think that the the. number way number one way to fix it is. you get better people in the fight. You. recruit better foster parents. You give.

them community. You support your social. workers. You know, you you petition. Congress or your representatives. Make. the phone calls. Hey, it's not about. graffiti this time. It's about children. Make them care. put the pressure on them. and get involved. I mean, it's like if you care about. homelessness, all these things, like if. you care about all these things and. ground zero is foster care, you have to. get involved. If you don't want to be a. foster parent, there are so many ways.

people can get involved. If you're a. hairdresser, these girls in foster care, they've. never had their hair done on prom night, on homecoming night, just open up your salon. do like free. >> Just make them feel good. >> Just make them feel pretty. It seems so simple, but they will. remember that for the rest of their. life. They've never felt pretty. They've. never felt worthy. Open up your salon and let them come.

You might not feel like you're doing. heavy lifting, but for that kid, it was. like the first time they were told that. they like deserve to to feel like. everybody else. Give them school supplies. Don't give them trash bags. Like donate. your suitcases. Get involved in care. portal. Tell your church to get. involved. Like get involved. Like people have to. get involved. The Christians have no excuse. We have. no excuse. We were not called to a life of.

convenience. >> It's true. >> Damn, man. >> I know. >> [snorts]. >> want to take another break? >> Sure. I could also say before we [snorts] take. a break, so don't forget it. Are we. still rolling or did we cut? >> We're rolling.

>> Okay. The other thing people can do is. that 20 29% of the kids that are in. foster care are currently eligible for. adoption. They've been emancipated. and they've been told nobody wants them. And by the way, it's free to adopt from. foster care. Actually, they pay you. There's an adoption assistance program. Like I said, I discovered. consider adoption. There's organizations. like the Dave Thomas Center uh. foundation for adoption. There's adopt us kids. There's many.

organizations where you can adopt a. child out of foster care. Some of them. are aging out and they just need. a place to come home to, you know, for. the holidays. Help them transition into. being an adult. If you're a financial. planner, like maybe once a month give. financial planning to these kids. The outcomes for children who are. adopted into foster care are far better. than children who age out of the system. Kids who have guardianship, their. outcomes are pretty parallel with with.

um adoption. Same for mentoring. Children who are mentored, like you. don't even have to adopt. Children who. are mentored, the statistics go way down. Favorable. >> There's a there's a mentoring program. >> There's tons of mentoring programs. >> What is that? >> Big Brothers Big Sisters. Childhelp has. a program called Special Friends. That's. how I got involved in it. There's so. many ways you can mentor kids in foster. care. I promise across the United States. right now, you could call up your local.

Department of Children and Family. Services and Child Welfare Services, you. know, and say like, "Hey, are there any. programs in our area that do mentorships. for teens in foster care or kids in. foster care?" And they'd be like, "Yes, we are so grateful to have your call and. they will put you in touch." I mean, I. talk about it in my book. We have a. whole chapter on like, "Here's all the. resources. Here's all the ways you can. get involved without actually becoming a. foster parent, but we also need foster. parents." Mhm. >> And we need social workers. Or you can. like go to a social worker like what.

does it look like if you give them a. even $5 that'll buy a small latte at. Starbucks. You know, give them a $5. Starbucks gift card. You don't know the. straw that you take off the camel's. back. Like maybe they were just about to. quit and you walked in their office and. said, "You know what? I see you. I know. you're burned out and frustrated. Do something. So this this village in California you. were talking about.

>> shut down. >> I think it's now a detention home. Oh. >> man. Does that mean all of these have. shut down? >> Not all of them. Um. there are many still qualified. residential treatment programs. Oh, and. by the way, >> here's what's also crazy about this. the. data since family first prevention. services act passed in 2018 the data on. the rate of group homes because there. are also group homes that are hell holes.

>> I'm sure there are. >> where trafficking is happening out of. the group home. >> I'm sure. >> page you know back page there I mean. it's bad cuz nobody pays attention to. those kids I. >> mean you're talking about these statist. statistics yeah you know and it's. >> 50 to 80% of trafficking victims have. have child welfare involvement. 60% of. likely victims missing to NCMEC were in. foster care. I mean 15 to 16,000.

>> And by the way, >> with no family of 40 a day, up 40 46%. >> 40 kids age out of foster care every. single day. >> These these stat. >> five children die in the United States. every day due to child abuse and. neglect. Five children every day. So I'm what I'm saying is with these.

statistics. >> it just kind of it kind of it paints the. it just paints the story. I mean it just. everywhere they go. >> they're abused they're raped sexually. exploited. >> and that becomes their normal because it. is their normal normal. >> Yeah. And then they do the same thing. >> over and over. >> Generation after generation after. generation. >> Yeah. And a lot of them, especially the. girls that I I can't get into a boy's.

brain, but the girls, a lot of them will. commit a crime just to go to jail. >> Well, that's the other thing. I mean, if. that's all they know is I mean, if. they're going to put them in detention. centers, then that be that's that's. home. That's. >> it's literally like I'm aging out. I. better commit a crime so that I can get. like a hot and a cot. >> That's kind of what I'm getting at. >> Yep. Nobody tells them they matter. >> So, are any facilities opening or they. all just. >> I don't know. I mean,

>> are there any good facilities open? Let. me say that. Are there any good I'm sure. there's facilities opening. >> Yeah, there are a lot of really good. programs. I mean, Tulsa Girls Home is. exceptional. Tulsa Boys Home, I can't. comment on. We just have. >> How many people do they care for? >> We only care for eight girls. >> Tulsa women. The Tulsa Girls. >> Tulsa Girls Home. Yeah. We have enough. beds for eight. But because the cans. assessment is so jacked up, we can't. even fill the beds. >> You can't fill eight beds?

>> Nope. Because of the bureaucratic system. that says no, they don't qualify. >> Holy [ __ ]. >> Yep. But we we also created transitional. homes. And these homes are gorgeous. Like Sean, I'm a celebrity. I would love. to live in these houses. They are bougie. as all get out. And that's what we hear. It's so heartbreaking. The girls walk. into Tulsa Girls Home and they're like, "Wow, it's so clean." Like, it's so. clean and it's so nice. And then we have. created these beautiful like row home.

transition homes where when they age out. of foster care, they can go into our. transitional program where we give them. like financial classes, make sure they. have a job. like we don't just leave. them, >> you know. >> Well, that's something I wanted to ask. I mean, just reg a kid in the regular. foster program who doesn't have a good. family who doesn't. >> age out there. It's nobody's. >> What is it, Liz? Like getting out of. jail? Like, here you go. You're 18 now. Figure it out. That's what it is.

>> You're done. Get out of my house. That's why we took in that one girl. She. had a week left before she knew she was. going to get kicked out. She had nowhere. to go. And my husband was like, "We have. to help her." And I was like, "Great. Yeah, I would love to help her. We have. an extra room. Let's help her.". I mean, the church has to get involved. There's also an amazing organization. called Olive Crest. >> Why do you think most churches don't get. involved? I mean, you look, we're in.

Tennessee here. >> Yeah. >> There's a church on every [ __ ]. corner. >> You are the buckle of the Bible belt. >> Yeah. And you know, I'll go to these churches. You know where they all go? They all go. out of country. >> They're all freeing slaves. They're all. >> But nobody's doing anything here in the. community. >> Mhm. >> Why is Why is that? Is it Is it the red. tape? >> Is it all [ __ ]. >> Are they really freeing the slaves? >> Yeah. I want to believe that most don't.

know. >> because I've been to a lot of these. places where they go free the slaves as. a seal and as a CIA guy I didn't see any. [ __ ] slaves being freed. >> Yeah, [laughter] that's a whole different. discussion. Yeah. Um. I I I want to say the overwhelming. majority is. not aware. You know, they're like me. I even had a. leg up on foster care because I was some.

exposure to it as a child. I didn't know the statistics. I didn't. know what was going on in my backyard. I. didn't know there was like a epidemic of. child abuse in the United States. I had. no idea. So I want to say the majority. of people just don't know. Then there's. the bystander effect. Somebody else will. do it. I mean, we've been saying there's. a church on every corner of one person. out of every four churches fostered. We've been saying that for over 10. years. Numbers haven't gone down. Oh, numbers have gone down, by the way. People be like, "Aren't you excited?

These numbers are amazing." I'm like, "These numbers are BS. These numbers are not real. These. numbers are hidden foster care. Take the. crisis off the books." And where's that. money going, by the way? Because if it's. not going with grandma, grandma's not getting the monthly. stipen, kinship care is not getting the. monthly stipen. >> Well, they came out a couple months ago. and said that there's an estimated $600. billion in fraud every year in the. United States. So much for the GAO, Government.

Accountability Office. >> Yeah. Was that was that a real thing? >> Well, [snorts] that's what I'm saying. It's just like you're never I think. people get overwhelmed. Myself included. You know, statistics. are numbing. >> Mhm. >> It's numbing. You get numb. You want to. turn away because it's so uncomfortable. or you assume that you can't do it. And. it's like, or we just get fed this prosperity. gospel.

that like the Lord wants to bless you. It's like, yeah, he wants to bless you, but what's the definition of blessing? Foster care has stretched me in ways. that I would not trade for the world. I am so grateful for every single thing. that I have learned through foster care. As painful as it has been, there was not. a day I didn't cry. But foster care made. me so tender-hearted. I see people. differently now. When I look at people, I look at them with so much empathy. Empathy I never would have received. And.

that is an overwhelming thing that I. hear from parents who have children. in their own home that are their. biological children. When they become. foster parents, they make their children. part of the discussion cuz that's. healthy. Like, hey, we're thinking about. fostering as a family. What do you. think? And a lot of people say, well, I. I'll foster I'll foster once my kids are. out of the house. No, listen. Not no. That's between you and. your family. Have a freaking discussion. But at the same time, every parent I.

have ever talked to that is fostered. while they have their own kids, they have told me, and this is the. people I've talked to. I acknowledge. stuff can happen in foster care. Children that have been molested can. molest other children. You go through. all of that in training. By the way, nobody forces you to say no when you get. the phone call. My son Kaden, I said no. at first. Nobody. Because they say in. training, don't worry about saying no to. this child. Do not let it break your.

heart because there will be another. phone call in 5 minutes. You're not. forced to take any case. You can pick. the case that you feel is the best fit. for your family. I don't recommend that. someone takes a child when they have. other young children. If that child has. been known if that child's been. molested, it's not a good idea to put. them in your house with younger. children. >> How would you even know? >> Because the case workers know you and. you can Yeah. Not always. Not always. Not all. The thing doesn't come all the.

way. You are trained in foster care. training to ask them. That's what I had. to ask like the girl who lived with us. I took her social workers aside and I. was like, "Look, it's not necessarily a. no, but I need to know. Like, just be. straight with me because I'm an. advocate. I will find a home for that. girl. There is no way that girl is aging. out of foster care homeless next week. I. will figure it flipping out. I just need. you to be straight with me. Has she. molested other children?" Because I have. three young children and I have an. infant and I had a newborn. My husband. works night shift. Like, I am not.

cognizantly I have three children under. three. like I can't also be managing. that. So they train you in foster care. training like the questions to ask if. that child's been molested. It's really. great if you put them in your home and. you don't have other kids cuz there's. nobody else for them to accuse. All of. this you go through foster care. training. All of this is covered in my. book like how do you navigate this mess? But you don't have to say yes. And there. is going to be a child that is right for. your family. And these families that.

have other children that foster, their kids learn that same empathy. They. are wiser than many adults I've talked. to. Their children have been exposed to. a world with empathy, compassion, action. I mean, these are kids that are. going to conquer the world. I cannot. wait to expose my children fully to. foster care. They're aware of it. Like. people shouldn't not foster because they. have other kids.

>> How old are your kids now? >> They four 6 8 and 10 about to be 4, seven, 8, and 10. Um, and also single. people can foster. You don't have to be. married to foster. >> How do your kids handle it? I mean, I'm. being serious. You know, for somebody. that doesn't know this, here's some. fears that will go through my head. Mhm. >> You know, >> how do I treat my kids? How do I treat. these kids in comparison to my kids? How.

do I treat my biological kids? >> Yeah. >> You know, it's how do we keep it fair? >> Um, a lot of that they go through in in. training that you would have. So, like. one of the things is like, you know, I'm. obviously. a huge advocate against child abuse. I. would say you are too. spanking. I. personally think there there is a time. and a place to spank as long as you're. not doing it anger. I don't I'm not a. big proponent of spanking, but I don't.

think that if somebody spanks their. children, they're automatic child. abusers. >> I know people that are excellent parents. that spank their kids on occasion, but. they don't do it in anger. They do it in. the right way. Like, I'm not I I would. not call that child abuse if it's done. >> I wouldn't either. >> Right. However, a child that's in foster care, obviously, if you spank your own. children, you cannot spank that child. You cannot. It's against the law. You. cannot. >> So, you're going to have to discipline. them. Like, we have a whole chapter on. discipline, like timeouts, you know,

take toys or incentivize the other way. the same things you would do with like. other you know other kids in your care. when you're a parent you know like it's. like you feel like you have all these. tools in your parenting belt and there. are days that you're like I don't even. know like where do I how do I even I. have exhausted every form of discipline. and now I don't know what to do with you. you know but there you are going to have. to maybe discipline them different but. hopefully if a child is in your care you. are going to give them the boundaries. from the get-go so they feel secure.

these are the rules in our household we. don't hit we don't whatever. But hopefully if you're a foster parent, you're also going to not be spanking. your kid either because that's. traumatizing for that child. So you kind. of have to like have the same rules, lay. them out for the child. Um, but my. children, I have not fostered while I've. had my own children because it wasn't. until my boys cases were going to. adoption that literally I just turned to. my husband and uh I was like, "Hey, like. looking at my ovulation calendar." Cuz. we used to be like on five forms of.

birth control cuz I'm an actress. never. wanted to be a parent. Like I was like, "I'll foster." I was so naive. I talk. about it in the book. I'm like, "Oh, I'll foster and I'll save the world and. I'll help these kids and then when they. leave I'll just be destroyed and I'll. grieve and we'll go to Europe and we'll. have some pasta and when we're ready, we'll like take the next kid." So once I. decided we were going to adopt and the. case went toward adoption, which was so. great cuz my son Kaden would not be. alive. There is no way that kid would. have made it to his third birthday if he. had not been adopted. my son Jeffrey. maybe would had a really crappy.

childhood if he had not been adopted. Once we realized Cadence Case was going. to adoption, I was literally looking at. my ovulation calendar on my app. and I'm looking at my filming schedule. I'm like doing Hallmark movies and all. this stuff and I was like out of town, out of town, out of town. There's this. thing called the shuttles method. I love. science. Basically, you can probably. predict whether you're going to have a. boy or girl based on when you have sex. I looked at my husband and I'm like. aware of this. >> Yeah. So like so it's totally it works.

Okay, for everybody that's listening. that's like tell me how the shuttles. method works. Okay, here's how the. shuttles method work. >> Two times it worked. >> Totally. Well, Jackie was a surprise. that we didn't know we needed. She knows. that. Anyway, >> shuttle's method cuz you're going to be. curious. It's awesome. >> Shuttle's method is girl. Okay, so. obviously we know little lesson in. biology. Men are the it's their sperm. that determines the sex of the baby, the. gender of their baby. And girl sperm. swim slower than boy sperm. But the boys.

swim fast and die quickly and the girls. swim slow and they camp out for up to 5. days. So if you have sex before your. your uh egg drops and then you don't. have sex, you're more likely to have a. girl cuz the girl sperm is just hanging. out like waiting to, you know, get that. egg. So, we looked at the calendar and. I'm like, I don't want to have a boy. Of. course, I would have accepted a boy if. that's what I got pregnant with, but I. was like, I if I'm going to have if I. know these boys are going to adoption.

and if Kaden's going to adoption, Jeff's. definitely going to adoption, too. The. the odds are like in my favor that. Jeff's going to be adopted, too. Guess. that means we're going to be like in for. a lot of sleepless nights and college. tuition anyway. So, um I think I'd like. to have a girl cuz I don't want to have. a boy that like my adopted kids would. have like a genetic boy to compare. themselves to. So, I look at my husband, I'm like, "Hey, if we have sex right. now, we'll be in the girl window." And. uh [laughter] you know, [gasps]. otherwise we're 5 months out. And he was. just like a man. He's like, "Let's go.".

So, we got pregnant with my daughter, Julie. >> Right on. >> Yeah. [laughter]. >> Right on. [gasps]. >> Yep. >> Wow. Um, [clears throat]. yeah. I mean, so how how do you I mean, how about your how about like the. biological kids? I mean, do they do they. >> they know I mean my kids are very My my. boys know they're adopted out of foster. care. I explain their mom by saying. like, "She really loved you. She just.

did not know how to be a mommy. >> because nobody ever taught her how. >> and it was not safe for you to be with. her. And God knew that you were going to. be placed in my home. When I was. pregnant with my daughter, Julie, a lot. of people would ask me like, "Are you. worried that you're going to love your. biological child more than your adopted. child?" And I'm like, "Well, I I wasn't, but now that you're saying it, God, I. hope not. I don't love her any more than. I love my boys." And when I was pregnant. with Jackie, who's my fourth, and she. was a big surprise. It was like a very.

painful pregnancy. I did not want to be. pregnant. I was like, "This is like. hard." And I'm like, "I have no torso.". And like I'm like losing acting jobs. Like this is not on my bingo card. I'm. really grateful that I'm pregnant, but. like also my god, I wanted to foster, you know, I wanted a fourth kid by a. foster care. I said to my boys one day, I was home. with Kaden and my husband was like at. band practice for church and I had I had. to get something and I was way too. pregnant to like get whatever it was. that I needed. I was in so much pain. And I said to Kaden, I said, "Just in.

case you or your brother ever wonder. whether I love you the same as these. girls, let me tell you something. I. might love you and Jeff a little bit. more because you never did this to me. Like I can like if I only fostered I. could jump on a trampoline, [laughter]. you know, like there is no easy way to. have a baby. >> What kind of questions do they have for. you? >> The boys. >> Mhm. [clears throat]. >> Uh Jeff wants to know everything there. is to know about everything. And Kaden. doesn't want to talk about it. >> Do they know about the trauma that they.

experienced or do you tell them or is it. a secret? They they they know a little. bit. They don't know about their dads. yet. I haven't um they know they have a. dad. They know they know. Listen, because of roadblocks, because of all. this sexual exploitation of children. that's happening, kids unfortunately in. our nation are exposed to pornography by. the age of seven. That's the average. age. It is so bad. So, I always tell. parents, I'm like, "Look, it's really. uncomfortable. You don't have to have. like the nitty-gritty conversation with. them about sex, but like you better be.

the first person that talks to them. about sex and present yourself as an. expert because otherwise they're going. to learn it from kids or disgusting. people who tell them this is normal. So, they know biologically they have a, you. know, sperm donor. They don't know about. their dads. They haven't asked me about. their dads. Kaden's dad is way more. complicated than Jeffrey's. Uh, I'm. dying. I do not want to have that. conversation with him. I still don't. know whether I will talk to him about. all the nitty-gritty of his dad.

until he's like in his 20s. And the only. reason I say 20s is because your. cerebral frontal cortex is not developed. as a male until about the age of 26. And. so the I think I personally. think that one of the worst things you. could do to a child who's adopted out of. foster care is like. try to talk to them about all the. questions they have. or introduce them to their biological. parent as a teenager because they've got. all these hormones and they don't know. Like that's just a hard time in your.

life where you're trying to sort through. like who you are and what are you going. to do. And if you're not stable when. you're introducing all these new. problems, like it can definitely. backfire. >> How do you deflect? >> Well, Kaden doesn't ask me. Kaden. doesn't want to know anything. Jeffrey, I always tell them like, look, you're. this is your story and you're allowed to. ask me any question and I will do my. very best to explain it to you. So, they. just haven't asked me. Um. Kaden, you know, their biological mom.

was on drugs. He was a meth baby. And so. there's a lot of aftermath that comes. from that. There's a lot of trauma that. comes from that. We've we were the only. homes that both of our boys have ever. Well, Jeffree had one placement before. us, but it was a really good home. Um, but they were placed with us at 4 months. old. But regardless, the trauma that Kaden. endured even in in utero and in those. first four months of life, he's still paying for it.

So, I mean, you navigate it the best. that you can. You know, I always tell. them like, if you have any questions, you can ask me. And I assure them that. like I love them so much. I'm doing the. best I can. And I know that like God. loves you and you were created on. purpose and for a purpose. Kaden struggles with that. I mean, he's. literally like, I should be dead. I. should never have come to live with you. I should just be dead. >> Jeez. How old is he? >> 10. >> 10 years old. And he's saying that. Mhm.

like he's been through through every. form of therapy. But I always think I'm like, "Well, if. you didn't end up in my home, what would. your story be?" You know what I mean? Cuz like at least he got a mom that like. I might not have all the answers, but. I'll find them. I'll do everything I. can, you know? And then Jeff wants to. know everything. He wants to know all. the details about everything. So, I try. to like talk to them about it separately. because what will inevitably happen is. they share a room. They don't have to. share a room. They just want to share a. room. Jeff gets really chatty at night. It's like he's tired and he's like, "Let. me ask you why. What is the purpose of.

life?" Like he's very introspective. child. And Kaden's like across the way. and he's like, "Shut up, Jeff.". [laughter] Like, "I don't want to talk. about this." So it's like, "Jeff, hey, if you have really deep philosophical. questions, you know, he's like, "Well, what happened to my what happened to. Sheila? You know, what happened to my. mom? Like, why doesn't she what's her. deal?" I'm like, "Well, honey, nobody. ever loved her." "Well, why did nobody. ever love her? Well, I don't know. I guess because they. somebody never loved their parent and.

then their parent like, well, what h you. know, like he he wants to know all of. it. Kaden doesn't want to know a thing. >> Wow. >> So, and I I told the mom that I've told. I told the biom that we have a closed. adoption case, but I which means that. she can't have any contact with the kids. and I'm not supposed to have any contact. with her. But I'm like, I have contact. with her. I don't update her on everything on. their life. I don't cuz she doesn't need. that and it's probably confusing for.

her. But she knows she can talk to me at. any point, but she also knows that I'm. like, "Look, I don't really talk to the. boys about you. I've told them a little. bit about you. Like, they know that you. exist." And I and I told her, I said, "I'm telling you this right now just so. you can brace yourself. I think Jeff is going to want a. relationship with you when he's older. And I don't think that Kaden will." And. >> they have the same parents. >> They have the same mom. >> They have the same mom. >> Yeah, they have the same mom. Different. dads.

>> Yeah. >> Did you get them at the same time? >> Well, we got Kaden first cuz he's older. [clears throat]. >> But then I knew that she was pregnant. with Jeff the whole time. And [laughter]. I mean, I was literally like her her. staple diet was like Mountain Dew and. Cheetos. And I I knew like that's my. baby in there because I uh this is not. something that you should do. I write. about it in my book. Like it's totally. shady and it's not something you should. do. And I'm like whatever. I created. catfish accounts.

Uh which is like a social media profile. that's not real. And I. I like knew what was going on with the. bio parents actual life to keep my kids. safe. Kaden's case was bleak. Like it was like. I'm going to do this because if I don't. like he's dead. He's not making it to. his third birthday. So I knew she was pregnant. She put it. on Facebook like for a sonogram and I. was like, "God, [clears throat].

all right." So when I got pregnant, I. sat her down cuz we already had. Jeffrey's case and I was like, "Just so. you know, I'm pregnant. So like my turn. Do not give me twins. I'm close enough. with Jeff and Julie are like 14 months. apart. Like, it's my turn. Just hold. off. Please, please, please. I'll get. you on birth control. Please, please. don't have any more kids just for a. second so that I can like manage this. because I don't know how I would not. take a sibling if he or she ended up in. the system, you know?

>> [ __ ]. >> Yeah, it's. >> How often do you talk to her? >> Not. She's She's not doing well. She was. doing well for a long time. She was. doing so well for so long and. now she's kind of like pack back in old. patterns. So, I mean, I'll talk to her. on her birthday. I'll wish her happy. birthday. I text her on Mother's Day. I She normally texts me on the boys's. birthday or like the day after to be. like, "Oh, yeah. It was her birthday. Please tell them I love them." And I'm. like, "I'm going to pass on a message, but I I will let you know they're doing.

great." And I might tell her like, "Jeffrey lost his first tooth." Or, you. know, whatever. Hey, Cadence on the. honor roll. You know, people say you shouldn't do that, but. I'm like, why? To me, that's compassion. You know, it wasn't easy for her. She. wasn't a willful child abuser. She just she didn't know what healthy. love looks like. To her, love looks like. getting beat up or being taken advantage. of, being raped, and you know, like. that's love.

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>> All right, we're back from the break. >> All right, >> questions. Questions. What's that thing. that Melania was talking about a couple. months ago? >> Okay, so. >> some new some new fostering program or. something. Yes, it's called the. Fostering the Futures Act and it was. bipartisan as well, passed with flying. colors. Um, basically there's something. called the John I think it's F John F. Chaffy. People know it's called the. Chaffy program and basically she her big. focus is on kids who are aging out of.

foster care. So it deals with an. entirely different stream of kids than. Family First Prevention Services Act. which are trying to prevent kids from. ever entering the system. Hers is. dealing with the kids that are about to. exit. you know, what do we do with kids. that are aging out? How do we help them? So, what that law did is it lowered the. Chaffy age from 16 to 14. So, like they. are eligible for services from 16 to 14. What that means is, and they extended it. from 18 to 21. I don't know if aging out.

of foster care will now be 21 in all 50. states. I'm not 100% sure how that's. going to be implemented in states. If. this is like a federal new law where 21. is the new age of aging out of foster. care, I think 21 would be a better age. just because I mean 18 to 21 is a. pivotal time in your life where you're, you know, becoming an adult. >> But I know that they basically expanded. the age from 16 to 18 to 14 to 21. And. what that means is now if a child is. still in foster care at the age of 14,

that child is now eligible for stipens. to go to college. So we're trying to. like raise the statistical outcomes for. high school graduation, college. graduation, like getting a degree of. some sort. It also opens up um whatever. budgetary allocation is given for. affordable housing. So now kids who have. been in foster care from the ages of 14. to 21 are now also eligible for I mean I. guess HUD whatever it is that provides.

housing or reasonable housing rates. It. also I think incentivizes businesses to. um hire or. have interns come out of foster care. Like there's a lot of incentives for. businesses to work with children who. have experienced um foster care. I'm. really glad it passed. I don't know the. ins and outs of it, but I know it. focuses on kids who age out of foster. care. I think one of my concerns about. it is that. because it was in the news and it was so.

big. What I don't want to have happen is. for legislative branch to in in our. government to be like, "Oh, good. Checked it off the list. Like, we. handled foster care next." because like. there's still this gaping problem that's. much more dire which I would say is. fixing the family first prevention. services act. >> Mhm. >> But these are a totally different age. bracket. So you know it's great but it. deals with like a totally different. demographic of children in care. >> Mhm.

>> Yeah. [sighs]. >> What is the road to fostering a a child? >> Like if you want to become licensed. >> Mhm. Well, now thanks to a home for every. child, apparently it's going to get real. easy. But, um, it's so much easier than. people think that it is. I mean, the. first thing people can do is they can go. down to their local child welfare. office. It's called different things in. different states and different counties. Some call it DCFS, which is Department. of Children and Family Services. Some.

call it HHS, which is Health and Human. Services. Some call it CPS, which is. Child Protective Services. Whatever. just Google what's my local child. welfare service, you know, in my area. and they can go and just take an. orientation class. Um, this is something. my my husband and I talked about because. I wanted to foster and he like I said, he was like 51% of surveyed Americans. that were like, "There's no way we could. foster. Aren't kids in foster care bad. kids?" And I'm like, "No, they're not. bad kids. They're like put into a broken. system against their will." And uh once.

he got on board with fostering, well, when we were having that argument, I. talk about it like we were having that. argument year seven of our marriage. I. said, "I don't have a problem with you. saying no to being a foster parent. I. will advocate for these kids till I die. I will use my platform for this until I. die." However, I do have a major problem. with you saying no to something. Then. you don't know what you're saying no to. Get the information. like just go down. to your office and be like, "Hey, um, when's the next time you're doing a. foster care orientation class? I'd like.

to learn more about it. No one's going. to force you to become a foster parent.". So, that's one way that you can do it. There's also private agencies that uh, license foster parents. So, that's what. I did. I went through Childhel. Childhelp is the original reason in our. country we even know about Child Abuse. They've been around for over 60 years. They've rescued 13 million US kids. Wow. >> They're the ones that are responsible. for 1800 for a child, which is the child. abuse hotline that any kid can call or. now text. If they're being abused at.

home, 1 800 for a child. They can text, they can call. It's anonymous. There are. therapists who are trained, I think, in. 170 languages to take that call and get. that child help. I got licensed through their program. because they're the ones again that had. the village in California. They have a. village in Virginia, the Alice Tyler. village. I think they have a village in. Tennessee, but I'm not sure. I know. they're like major in Tennessee as well, but I'm like, listen, if I'm going to. get licensed as a foster parent, I want.

to go to like the highest echelon. I. want to go like see how hard could it. be. So, I went the hard route just to. see like how how like much is like an. abuser sustaining in order to get. licensed. Next time I do it, I would go. low bar, which would be through the. Department of Children Family Services. It's much easier. So, there are private. agencies. One reason to go through a. private agency is because they have. their own case workers. And so, those children that go through. the agencies are probably going to get a.

bit more attention because you have a. whole other case worker who's not bogged. down with 86 kids who's going to maybe. help coordinate services a little bit. better with you. You have like another. advocate on your team. And also for. whatever reason, and I don't know why, your stipen, your monthly stipen is a. little bit higher. Or you can go through your local. Department of Children and Family. Services and it's a lot easier. You have. to get CPR certified. You know, you have. to take parenting classes, basically. You have to do a water safety class. Um,

and that and then you have to do what's. called a home study. They want to make. sure that you have your medicate. And. they tell you all of this, like none of. this is a surprise. They want to make. sure that you have food in your pantry. They want to make sure, you know, you. have a bed for the child. They want to. make sure like if you have pills or. prescriptions, they have to be behind a. lock so that that child doesn't just. >> They just want to know you're a. responsible adult. >> They want to Yeah. Like if you have. guns, they have to be locked up. If you. have knives, they have to be locked up. Kind of common sense stuff. And then um. that's it. Like you're licensed. But I.

tell people, listen, if you're. >> What about. >> Go ahead. >> How does the trial get presented to you? Do you pick? Do they pick? >> Uh no. I'll tell you how that works. Also, there's a thing in foster care. called respbit care, which there are far. too respit homes. So, respbit um is what. it sounds like. It is if you are. literally if you're a foster parent and. you're like, I'm losing my mind. I can't. do this anymore. I ju I just need one. night off. I just need one night off.

You can access something called respbit. care. However, respit care is barely. ever available because there's not. enough respit homes. This is a home that. is licensed, fully licensed, so they. could become foster parents if they fell. in love with a child. They're basically. like the vacation home. Sometimes a. foster parent, like they have a death in. their family, you know, I can't just fly. to my parents' funeral because I can't. just take my child who's in foster care. with me. I have to get the judge to sign. off that that kid can cross county. lines, right? So, I might need respit. care because I can't get the court order.

in fast enough to like take that child. with me. that child has to go somewhere. cuz I'm definitely going to like go to. my parents funeral. That would fall into. respit care. I always tell people I'm. like if you're considering fostering, consider respit care because you will. save another foster parent and also. you're going to get that child on his or. her best behavior because you get to be. like the fun aunt or the fun uncle. I. used to do respit care for my mentors. through child help and it was awesome. We would have her for all the holidays. cuz her foster mom didn't really want. her during the holidays and I was like I. will take her for all the things. I. wanted to adopt her so bad. Many reasons.

why we weren't allowed. It's ridiculous. So ridiculous. Bureau bureaucratic red. tape. Awful. Whatever. She was allowed. to do rest bit with us. And it was like. she was on her best behavior. We take. her to like Six Flags, take her to. Disneyland, you know, take her to go get. frozen yogurt because like my home's the. vacation home. And then when she leaves, I'm like, "Okay, now I'm going to go. take a 5 hour nap cuz I'm exhausted.". But I didn't have to take on like the. full burden of being a foster parent. And yet at the same time, if I'm a. respbit home and I love that child and I.

and that child tells me, "Hey, my foster. home is a piece of crap," I can now say, "I actually volunteer as tribute. I want. to I want to be this kid's foster parent. now." And their case might likely get. transferred to you. So, you're already. fully licensed. You can foster at any. time. So, it's a great way to get. involved in foster care. Like, you're. like one night, a week, a weekend, easy. How do you get the call? I mean, the social worker calls you up. and is like, "Look, I got a child. I got. a baby. They're in NICU. Uh, you know,

mom mom was on drugs and left them at. the hospital. Can you take this. placement?" And if you can't, you just. say no. Because again, in my training, they always said, "Please don't feel. bad. You're going to feel bad when you. say no." But if it's not the right fit, it's actually in the benefit, it's to. the benefit of the child to not take. them. Don't take them if it's not a good. fit for you right now. Because what's. more traumatizing is bouncing home to. home. you know, or you'll get an emergency. placement. I mean, my husband and I did. that where we get a call and it's like, "Look, I got an 8-month old boy and he's.

been separated from a sibling and can. you take him?" And I'm like, "Yeah, I. got a crib. Like, drop him off. We're. just trying to find a placement." And. so, we just need you to be the emergency. placement so this kiddo doesn't have to. this infant. This was the literally I. got a call 11:00 p.m. at night one time. and the social worker was just like I. think I was still on Days of Our Lives. at our time at the time which is like. banana schedule. Like soap operas are. bananas. We shoot 150 to 220 pages a.

day. Like. >> whoa, >> it's crazy. Like everything's one take. It's crazy. But it was an 11:00 at night call and. the social worker was like, you know, I would not be calling you if. this was not an emergency, but this case. just came across my desk and I know that. like the buck stops with you. There's no. way you're going to say no. I got an. 8-month old boy. It's an emergency. placement, but like if you don't take. him, he's going to a homeless shelter. alone. Alone.

>> Alone. >> Alone at 8 months old. Alone. Nobody's. going with him. They just dropped the. baby off at the shelter. This is. happening. >> What? >> So, of course, we took him and it ended. up being like two weeks. But, I mean, you know, I was I started. calling up with the case worker. I'm. calling every foster parent I know. I'm. calling churches like, "Hey, he's got a. sibling he's been separated from." And I. could not take that sibling because I. took him at a time when I knew Jeffrey, like the mom was pregnant with my son. Jeffrey. And I was like, if I say yes to.

this kids, if I say yes to Dylan's. brother, I'm not going to be able to say. yes to Kaden's brother. It was a very. hard decision, but I was like, I cannot look my son in. the eyes when he's older and be like, yeah, you have a sibling. We couldn't. take him because I would have been at. capacity. Cuz I lived like in a 750T. town home with two bedrooms. Legally, I. could not take four kids. So, I had to find a placement for Dylan. and his brother. And I did. But I'm.

telling the social worker, I'm like, "Give me the list." Like, "Give me the. list. I know you have 86 people on your. case load. I will call. I will make. calls." And here's what I learned when I. was making those calls, dude. I would make calls. and the agencies or the other foster. parents would be like, "No, we only take. girls from the ages of 3 to five." And. I'm like, "Why?". >> You know why? >> Exactly.

Why are we lowering the bar for foster. parents thinking that's going to be the. solution to recruit more homes? Yeah, they'll have a bed that they're getting. raped in. I mean, people have to get. involved. So, like, take a class, get licensed. You can get your license and keep it. valid and not have a placement. You. don't have to take your first placement. You could just get licensed. And that's. what I would encourage people to do. get. licensed so when you get the call and it.

is the right time, you can be like, "That kid's coming to me. I'm keeping. that kid." And if you can keep siblings. together, please keep siblings together. My kids are so excited to foster again. They're begging me. I'm like, "We wait. till Jackie's in kindergarten, then we. will take the kids. Don't ask me to. foster again unless I do respit care.". >> That's awesome. >> Yeah, >> man. And what a sad subject. >> Mhm.

When I went to Congress, one of the things that I said to. different congressional members is I. said, "Look, if you can't care about. these kids from like a heart standpoint, can I appeal to your tax your tax dollar. standpoint? If you want overcrowding in jails to go. down, you want homelessness to go down, you want the opioid crisis and substance. abuse to go down, take a kid from foster care.

Tell them they matter. Tell them they. matter. It's not that hard. You do not. have to be the f perfect foster parent. If you're not abusing them, you're. already going to be probably better. than, you know, 40%. Again, that's generally conjecture. That's not a study that I've done, but I. know way too many personal stories of. kids being. >> Yeah. >> telling me. >> Yeah. >> Well, you want to end this with a. prayer? >> Yeah, man. >> You leading it? >> Sure.

>> All right. >> Okay. [clears throat]. Father, I thank you so much for this. interview and I ask in the name of Jesus. that it would go forth, Lord, into the. hearts of the viewers. That you would. open all of our eyes to see like we see. God, to see like you see, Jesus. That. you would open our ears to hear. That you would bring to our minds, Holy. Spirit, ways we could help or families. we could support somehow how we could.

get involved. show us how we can get. involved. Father, I ask for every single. child that is saying a prayer right now. to get out of the situation they are in. I ask in Jesus name that you would send. ministering angels to them. Lord, that. you would protect that child and let. them be placed into the right home. I. ask for social workers, Father, who feel. like they're going to burn out, but good. ones. Lord, give them the energy to stay. in the fight. Give the social workers. and the foster parents the energy to. stay in the fight. and father for your.

bride, for your church. Lord, would we. be cut to the heart that you said. through James. that faith without works is dead? You. cannot go up to someone and say, "Be. warm and be filled if they are hungry. and naked without first having given. them clothes and a meal." Let us not. just be hearers of your word, but doers. of your word. Father God, give us ways. Open our eyes. Open our hearts to this. subject, Lord. And I just ask for every. single legislator, every single person.

that's considering running for. government, Lord, the ones that got in. it for the right reasons. Would you give. them courage, Father, to stand up for. the right things no matter the cost? Would you would you just I just come. against the spirit of fear that might be. controlling them in Jesus name. And I. ask that it would just be bound, Lord, that we would just become people who. would not be afraid anymore to open our. mouths and to look into the things that. need to be looked into. God, maybe run.

toward brokenness and not look away from. it any longer. And I just thank you for. that in Jesus name. >> I just hope this episode reaches who it. needs to reach. that we put a dent in. this thing. >> Save some kids. >> Yes. >> Amen. >> Amen. [sighs]. >> Well, Jen, super thankful we met. >> I'm so grateful we met.

>> Thanks. Thank you for coming and and uh. educating me and everybody else about. what's going on and how to get involved. And. I'll be hitting the subject again. >> Well, I got tons of people I can. recommend. >> I'll take them. >> Yeah. Great. You got any off the top of. your head? >> Oh, absolutely. Britney Stokes from. Tulsa Girls Home. The girl is a licensed. therapist. She runs Tulsa Girls Home. She's now part of legislation. She got. legislation passed, by the way, in. Oklahoma so that you can prosecute. people. >> Nice. >> Cuz we had that active. She is a beast.

She is a foster parent herself. She's an. adoptive parent herself. She is like I. am the appetizer to her steak. Like she. is ridiculous. Dr. John Darmmo is. amazing. Michael Maduro from Childhelp. Glenn Johnson from Allin for Kids. I. mean, I got I got people for days. >> Perfect. >> Yeah, >> we'll be in touch. >> Thanks. >> God bless. [music] Thank you. >> Thank you.

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