Father Stephen Gadberry - The Unconventional Priest | SRS #194

We're coming through a curve. Dad had a. dish bowl like on the dashboard of the. truck. We took this curve and the dish. started sliding across the dashboard. So, he leaned over to grab it. When he. did, yanked the steering wheel and went. in the ditch and cut a culvert and. started doing cartwheels. What advice. would you have for kids who have lost. parents? All this angst that we have is. wrestling with the death question. We. don't know when it's coming. We know. it's coming and we can't control that, you know, and so that that terrifies us. And so, we do all these things that. distract us from that. The life of faith. is really preparing for a good death.

Father Steven Gadbury, welcome to the. show, man. Thanks a lot. Happy to have. you here. Thanks. But uh yeah, you know, I found you. Actually, I don't remember. how I found you, but I ran across your. Instagram profile one way or another. And uh I just I saw what you're. posting, working out on your cycle, lots. of hunting, shooting your bow, and I.

just I think that's. um I don't want to sound offensive. I. think it's really. cool that you're a priest displaying. like like raw masculinity like that and. and making it cool and and I mean I. think I think that masculinity has. masculinity has damn near disappeared in. the world uh over the past 10 to 15. years and and we just spoke we think.

it's making a comeback but but on top of. that you. You just don't see priests doing that. kind of stuff. And uh and I think. everybody I mean I grew up Catholic. and you just you just don't you don't. think of a priest out hunting big game. or doing grueling workouts or shooting. their bow or cycling or really any of. that. Everybody kind of thinks of them. as what do they do? Pray all the time.

and do the rosary? But uh but so I just. I thought that was really cool and. that's what that's what drew my. attention uh to you and so I think I've. been following you for about a year. maybe a little longer and um and so yeah. I just wanted to wanted to get you on. the show. We had my friend Father Dan. Reh Hill on and uh and that was a. fascinating interview and so yeah I kind. of want to do a little bit of a life. story on you and then dive into the some. of the stuff with the Catholic Church. I.

got a ton of questions and um but yeah, thanks for coming. Yeah, thanks for the. invite. Only work on Sundays, so I got. all the time you. need. Not really. Yeah. No, it's uh it's. you know, in the Catholic church, the. the the pastor, the leader is called. father uh to cuz you know, like being. the spiritual father, you know, father. is one that generates life. And if. you're going to if you're going to. generate life, you got to have some. energy in you. And I think we have a lot. of uh men out there who aren't fathers. cuz they're not generating energy.

They're just they're stale. They're. stagnant. Uh they're they're too closed. in on themselves. But I mean, we got a. fire in us. And God just wants us to. spread that thing, you know? So yeah, I. just try to do that through the social. media stuff and day-to-day life. I crash. and burn all the time, but that's it's. part of the fun. Well, it's pretty cool, man. It's really cool to see it. Thanks. But uh yeah, so everybody starts out. here with an intro, actually. You want. to uh you want to kick it off with some. prayer? Yeah, sure. All right. Spirit.

Amen. Good and gracious God, we give you. thanks for this day and the gift of. life. Um just pray that you send your. spirit upon us. Give us a double portion. of your spirit that we may open our. heart to you and be faithful disciples. Um, help us to to to be Yeah. to follow. your word, follow your voice, to to be. men after um after the image and. likeness of Jesus Christ that we may. follow his example and be willing to die. uh to make sacrifices uh for the love of. others. Amen.

Amen. And uh everybody gets a gift, but. I'll give you your main your one of your. gifts later, but this will be pretty. fitting. So that is. um my friend Dom Razo. uh I think he collabs with a company to. make these, but he calls it the Warriors. rosary. And and uh so Dom is a is a. former SEAL team 6 sniper. Um good. friend of mine. We were at Seal Team 2. for a long time and he's a he's a very.

devout Catholic and has been a spiritual. mentor of mine. And uh so I gave uh I. gave Jim Cavisel he I used to only have. one and then I gave it to Jim Cavisel. when he came along. We talked about. um Jesus and and the movie The Passion. and stuff and so he sent me a couple. more and I just thought I thought you'd. like that. This is cool, man. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. You're welcome. Thank you. Yeah. I did bring some old toys for you.

if you want them now or later. I love. toys. Let's do it. First one is. actually Bible, but um I do a lot of. stuff with Bishop Robert Baron and Word. on Fire. I don't know if you've heard of. him. Does a ton of stuff in. evangelization. Uh we started this. project a number of years ago with Word. on Fire to uh create a series of the. Bible. And the goal in this is not just. to read the word of God, but to. experience the word of God. And so. there's of course the scriptures. This.

is the gospels, the four gospels. And. then uh it's got commentary from the. church fathers, from saints, from Bishop. Baron. Um just a beautiful text. Thank. you. Um. wow. Thank you. And. then this is this is I think you like. that hope. Oh man. Um I just got into. making knives and You're making knives. now? Yeah. So I made that one for you.

Um, it's kind of sharp from scratch. I. got the blade already like pre-forged. and treated and everything, heat. treated, but I shaped it and did the. handle. There's two engravings on there. Um, a quotis, we may talk about this. later. It's like a motto that I go by. for anacious Loyola. It means like do. what you're doing. That's a literal. translation, but the the sense of it is. don't halfass it. Like whatever you're. going to do, just give it hell. Like. don't halfass it. Go all in. Yeah. And. then the other side of that is Hebrews,

I think 4:12. I don't remember the verse. exactly. Um, but it's the the word of. God sharper than a two-edged sword, piercing the heart and soul. Um, bones. and marrow. That's a two-edged knife. So, I thought that was kind of fitting. Oh, man. That's I'm framing this. Enjoy. it. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. I I'll make. you another one you can use. Right on. Got some shirts here, too. We. can, you know, you always need more. gear. Hats from our hunt group, Mayhem. Hunt. But. uh so Oh yeah, thank you. You know too.

many t-shirts. That's one of the very cool shirts. Yeah, great. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, wear this. stuff. Yeah, I appreciate it. Well, thanks, man. Yeah, that enjoy it. Those. are the Bible and the knife are really. cool, man. So is the gear. But well, really good. There you go. That's the. main Everybody gets these except. doctors. Sometimes I don't give them to.

doctors cuz I'm self-conscious. It's. Vigilance League gummy bears made here. in the. USA. They taste amazing. You're going to. pass your drug test. There's no funny. business in there. But uh I may use some. later. Cool. Cool. But um yeah, feel. they feel really they feel good. Like. they feel Go ahead. Rip them open. Try. them. Try them. They smell darn good. It's good. It's a good gummy bear. Never thought. I'd say that in my life. That's a good.

gummy bear. Did do you know who Vav is. by chance? Vav Ramwami. He came in here and ripped him open. Yeah. Yeah. He ripped him open before I. could tell him anything. And I said, "Yeah." So, the effects of those will. kick in in about 30. minutes and he was he was like, "Oh, good." It was hilarious. But, uh, oh. [ __ ] But. every everybody starts off with a. introduction. So here we go. Father.

Steven Gadbury, you're raised on a. family farm in the Arkansas Delta. After. graduating high school in 2004, you. enlisted in the United States Air Force. and worked in logistics in Texas, Germany, and central Iraq. You entered. seminary in 2008 and majored in. philosophy and liberal arts at St. Joseph's Seminary College in. Louisiana. You completed your graduate. and post-graduate theological studies at.

the pont how am I how do I say this? Pontipical pontipical graian university. and pontipical Austinian. That's a big. one. Woo. University. You have to have. masters just to read that. In Rome, Italy. You were ordained in 2016 and and. are currently the pastor of St. Teresa. Catholic Church and school in Little. Rock, Arkansas, which is a 10,000 member. church in prek through 8th grade school.

10,000. That's. 95% of your con congregation is. Hispanic. That's interesting. You are an avid hunter and outdoorsman. As we covered earlier, you're an. accomplished athlete and were on seasons. 10 and 12 of American Ninja Warrior and. recently completed the Leadville. 100. Is that Leadville? Yeah. You're. part of Reading's not my strong suit,

obviously. You're part of the Mayhem. Hunt crew led by Rich Frowning where the. team has combined their love for hunting. and fitness to develop a hunting and. backcountry specific fitness training. program. Additionally, you have two. dogs. You play the harmonica and you. recently started making knives as we. just saw. And and like I said, I I ran. across your IG profile. I thought it was. really cool like all the stuff that. you're doing in addition in addition to.

being a priest and kind of spreading, you know, in. a it's just a good way to spread. masculinity, man. You just have cool. hobbies. Uh, it's cool that you're that. you're doing that as a priest. You're. not like you're not like a lot of these. guys who are like ramming masculinity. down people's throats cuz I think that. stuff is stupid. And uh you you're just. a good example and um and I like you. just you you seem to lead by example and.

I think uh I think that in itself is. also becoming a lost art. So thanks man. Thank you for being there. Thanks. Had a. lot of good examples in my life and just. try to Yeah, we're all on this journey. and it's rough. It's a it's a tough, you. know, life is brutal and uh you know, if. uh if we're going to get through it, we. got to like put the nose to the. grindstoneone. But to have the fullest. life as we're going through it, like. you've got to you got to confront.

reality. You know, it's you know, you. only find God in reality, not in. fantasy. And by finding God, you find. the fullness of life. And so if you want. the fullest life, I mean, you got to be. real. And that requires like like don't. be fake, you know, and like be real, be. authentic, you know? So, yeah, try to. share that. Yeah. You know, we we were. talking about hunting and and downstairs. and yeah, I killed my first deer and. then we started talking about going on. an elk hunt and I'd have a a couple of.

invites to go elk hunting and I'd love. to do it, but we we were talking. And I. was like, man, I can't I have a real. problem leaving business, especially for. a week. I get super anxious. I feel like. I have to be working. I think it goes. back to my time in the SEAL teams. If. you're not if you're not training, if. you're out playing Grab S, the enemy's. training to kill you, and they'll be. advancing while you're over here [ __ ]. around. And uh and I've kind of carried.

that through the rest of my adult life. But you had mentioned that that you also. have, you know, one pace. Yeah. And it's and. it's all in. And uh I'll just let you. pick it up from there. You had some good. stuff to say about that. Just like a dog. chasing the ball. That's what I do. I. wake up and just chase it. And uh you. know, too fast and asleep are my two. speeds. Um yeah, you know, we live in such a. fast-paced life world and and uh that's.

good. That's a good thing. God made us. to be creative. He gives us this energy. and um you know this. productivity is a and this desire to. work is a blessing. It's a superpower. from God. God made you to be fruitful. and multiply to have a family and to. have a family requires you to take care. of them. So like the hustle here, the. work that you do every day is uh. providing for the family. So that's like. that's good. The most primal way of. providing for the family is going out. and killing an animal. like and so. that's just um you know you can provide.

now by you know getting a check and and. buying the stuff you need. Another way. to do that is like go out and get an. animal, put some food on the table. Um. but it's there's so many studies out. here. You got a bunch of really cool. friends and uh I'm sure like they they. could chime in on this like I'm thinking. hub and I'm sure he could there's some. science behind this but of like. disconnecting for a second um for the. sake of productivity. we can get so. zeroed in on the stuff that we're doing. that this tunnel vision um it can it can. shut us off of a lot of stuff and so.

when you rest it like you rest for a. little bit just allows the brain and the. heart to breathe a little bit um those. when I go hunting for example cuz that's. what we were talking about I'll go out. for a couple weeks at a time every fall. and uh it's it's a nice disconnect it's. terrifying I mean you're out there alone. in the elements maybe with a couple. friends but you know I do a lot of alone. too. And so you just you go into those. dark places that you've been, you know, putting aside for the last year, two. years, the rest of, you know, your whole.

life, whatever. You just got to wrestle. with that stuff. But the silence is a. sacred thing, man. And our culture is. terrified of it. I'm scared of it, you. know. Um but but. because it's in the silence that you you. wrestle with your demons, but beyond. that, it's in the silence that you hear. the voice of God. And while demons like. will scare us um and rightly so they. should something even more terrifying is. the voice of God. And what I mean is. like in that silence God can ask you to. do anything. You know drop your nets and.

follow me and it could reveal itself. He. could ask you to do anything. You know. move across the world and do this. project or whatever it may be. And like. then the ball's in our court and that. scares us cuz if we truly open our heart. up to the Lord, man, we don't know what. he's going to ask. We lose control. But. like we don't really have the control to. begin with and yeah so so many different. ways we can take this but the silence. well hold on so where I was going at the. beginning as you had mentioned Satan. Satan can use that against us that. basically that drive and that's kind of.

where I was going but you're talking. about you're and I I can disconnect. It's it's hard for me to. make time but I will make time and I. make time for my wife. I make time for. my kids and you know stuff like that. making time a week to go out west. That's that's a little hard. I'd like to. ask you about psychedelics, too. But. you're talking about opening up and in. and grounding and being in the elements. and and hearing the voice of God. And.

so, I think a lot I. mean, I'm always my my relationship with. Christ and God has been growing at at a. exponential rate. Yeah, it's growing so. fast. And I'm I'm really learning to. lean into my gut and and. and to me that's my gut is that is God. telling me yes. And I feel like he gives. me these little affirmations like that's.

right. That's that's what I'm telling. you to do. And so I'll give you an. example. I talked. about I don't want to go into the whole. story for time sake because I've told it. a bunch of times but I had this really. big experience in Sedona and that's kind. of what brought me back to Christ. Mhm. And uh like I said, I had grown up. Catholic, joined the SE teams, contracted for the CIA, acted like a. total bachelor idiot for.

um 20 years. Mhm. And then, you know, basically pushed God in Christ. It just. pushed him aside. And um not that I. didn't believe, but I just didn't care. Sure. And um anyways, so had this really. profound experience. Uh basically it was. God smacking me in the face like three. times right in a row. Uh totally. different experiences but all within. about 15 minutes. And then I started.

seeing these number these reoccurring. numbers all the time. And the first one. was 444. It was everywhere I looked and. sometimes multiple times. Three three. three times at once. Like first time it. happened to me it was 4:44 on the clock. 444 miles left to empty and 4 hours and. 44 minutes after a conversation that I.

just had with a very good friend of mine. about how guardian angels are watching. over me. And I was like, "Whoa, okay, just happened again." And so now, if I'm. if I'm if I'm iffy about something. or here's an example. I just went and I. interviewed this guy Colleen Georgescue. in Romania. He's running for he's. running for president of Romania. They. basically shut the election down. There's a possibility that he's under.

Russian influence. there's a possibility. that they're just using Russian. influence to not get him elected. Really. confusing in uh complicated situation. and I wanted to I was like, man, am I am. I doing the right thing by giving this. guy a voice? All I'm doing is giving him. a voice. And I start seeing the reoccurring. numbers everywhere I look. And to me, I'm like, I'm doing the right thing. And. I I had sent this tweet out and it was.

it was the truth is like a lion. Set it. free and it'll defend. itself. Right as I did that, this woman. comes around the corner in the airport. and she has a big glittery lion head on. her shirt. And I was just like, okay. Like that's to me to me that's God's. voice or that's God telling me you're. doing the right thing, Sean. Just lean. into it. Like I'm showing you. Yes. I.

mean, so I'm I'm curious when you say. you get out there Mhm. and you're. hearing the voice of God and he's. telling you to do different things, what. is that like? What What is that to you? Yeah. For me, one of the way that it. comes about is just like clarity from. like all the stuff I've been going. through before. So it's almost like a. retrospective like just time to reflect. So going back to like the the the work. stuff is a superpower that God's given. us like men in particular to provide.

like we're the providers and we got to. do stuff and if you don't your family. dies the village dies society dies the. world dies right so we got to we got to. put stuff out we got we got to be. producers you know Satan likes to use. that because if we can be so task if we. get too task oriented then we forget. about. uh like making time for the for the main. things for the important things. So, you. were talking about these different. little signs or affirmations that God. would give you whenever you're just.

working like too fast or too much like. you're going to miss them. I'm sure. there's 444s that are that you walked. by, you know, before like when you're. just on a mission just going, they were. there the whole time. But what's what's. going on now is like you're more aware. of it. And the more aware of it you. become, the the more you'll see him and. you then you'll really really realize. like how present God is in your life. setting time aside to to like to slow. down to be still and know that God is. God is like it's a sacred moment. If you.

think about Sunday like the Lord says. keep holy the Sabbath. Don't do a bunch. of serve all labor. Doesn't mean like. sit you know you can't do work. Um but. it's first day of the week. It's like a. proper orientation to God. If we can set. aside work for a moment it's not. laziness but it's actually an act of. faith. Because what what we're doing is. saying, God, I can bust my ass, but if I. take this hour, this day, this week to. be with you, be with my family, to do. whatever. Like, I'm recognizing that.

you're God and I'm not. And. so, capable of doing this work, capable. of doing this stuff, but you know, you. could end my life right now. Like, I. exist because you're hold me in. existence. And so, whenever we take. these little breaks, it's like a, you. know, profession of faith that God is. going to take care of us. And so for me to bring it back to the. the last question that you made was like. when I'm out in the woods out in the. mountains, it's just time for me to stop. and like let the dust settle from the. rat race that I'm always running and.

then just get clarity. And for me, it. doesn't take long. I mean, it could be. an afternoon hunt like going out to hunt. whitetails. It could be a drive in the. truck when I have the radio off, you. know, nothing at all. A 20-minut drive. could be working out uh just for 20. minutes, 30 minutes, an hour, whatever. but a little bit of space to decompress. and let the thoughts fall in line. That. for me, that's kind of how the Lord. speaks. Like he'll I got all these. puzzle pieces that I've been picking up. and whenever I take that time of. silence, I can put all those little. puzzle pieces in order and then then I.

get the big picture. So, I don't know if that makes sense, but yeah, makes sense. It's it's I think. what you're saying is clarity. Yeah. Mindfulness. It's all this stuff. It's. it's it's all over pop culture, you. know. It's all over the place cuz. there's something behind it. Definitely. the clarity. You've heard me talk about Patriot. Mobile for a while now. They've stood in. the gap for Americans who believe that. faith, family, and freedom are worth. fighting for. And they're the real deal.

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tomorrow. What were you saying? How does Satan. take advantage of this? Yeah. Um, so. what most simply put is like he'll allow. us to fall so deep into our own. endeavors that we begin to believe that. we're God of our own life that we can. save oursel if I can work this hard and. make this kind of income and do all. these things whether not doesn't even. have to be an income. It could be. productivity of any sort, could be. whatever you're doing. But whenever that. becomes the main thing, we end up.

worshiping that an idol. Um, and then. the lie that we begin to believe is that. we're self- sustaining. Like, you know, I I I can take care of it. I don't need. God, you know, and we we begin to. believe that we're in control of. everything. Like we're Yeah. Like we're. God. So that's that's the way that Satan. will do it. Um it's it's a. very tactical way of him to get us off. off path cuz if he knocks on the door, you know, Satan appears like in a way. that you. can't deny that it's Satan, you're going.

to say like, "No, get behind me." You. know, in the name of Jesus, be gone. because it's going to be so obvious. So. therefore, he likes to hit us where. we're strong. He goes to our talents and. then from there, he starts, you know, up. in the pride and the ego. And that's the. root of all sins, pride, you know. And. so that's kind of kind of a simple way. of putting how he manipulates it. Well, how can people keep a balance? How do. they know when they're going too far? Yeah. Um, I'd say look for the fruits of. the spirits. I mean, if if your marriage.

is crumbling, uh, or if what's the most. basic things? If you're not doing the. most basic things, then you need to put. stuff in order. So marriage, if your. marriage is is falling apart because. this thing is now your wife. if the work. that I'm doing becomes my wife or if I'm. a dad or a mom and uh and I got kids but. I'm never with them. This I'm always on. the guys at at the church. Got some. hardworking people in my church and. they'll be gone Monday through Friday. and then be home Saturday and then have.

to leave again on Sunday, Sunday evening. so they can go to their Monday through. Friday job way out of town. They're. spending the whole day Saturday sleeping. and recovering and then they got. basically Sunday to to be with the. family. Like, yeah, you're working to. provide a provide stuff for your family, but at the end of the day, your kid just. wants to be with you. Hey, Dad, will you. play with me? You know, like. um. so what do the relationships look like? Um is the work that you're doing.

supporting that those relationships or. is it getting in the way of them? That's. that's kind of a simple way. Also. another way would be like. um like look at your own vices and sins. or you know addictions for. example. Um yeah so I'd say look at those those. secondary signs relationships and then. just your own your own virtues or the. lack thereof. Do you have any vices? I got a bunch.

What are some of your vices? Man work. Work. It's hard to hard to stop. I just. because I love going. I love going. That's one. Um, what do you do for work other I mean. what does your work consist of outside. of Sunday mass? Yeah. So outside the. Sunday mass is uh you know got this. large community. So it's I'm essentially. in charge of all the operations for the. for the for the community for the all. the members of the parish but then also.

all the buildings the structures. Um so. it's a little bit of everything. It. could be, of course, preparing for. Sunday services, preparing people for. marriages, doing marriage counseling, doing funerals, um going to the prisons, um hiring contractors to do work. We're. starting a lot of development at our. school right now. We're just the school. is exploding and and so it's cool, but. it's making some some problems, like. some good problems, but we got to do. construction. So, I'm talking to. contractors and doing building plans and.

um calls to the hospital. um uh. finances. Got to oversee all the books. and everything. I have a bookkeeper who. does that, but I mean I'm over her, so I. got to make sure that she does that. Um. vit CEO essentially. Yeah. Yeah. That's. kind of how we operate. All the all the. pastors, all the the Catholic priests at. their churches are It's our little. village. Interesting. You got you have. over 10,000 members. It's wild. Yeah. Where at in Arkansas again? Little Rock. Man, that's. a that's a that's a lot of people. It's.

cool, man. 95% Hispanic. Yeah. Yeah. What do you give the mass in? Uh, Spanish and in English. We have seven masses over the weekend. Two of those are in English and, uh, the. other five are in Spanish. Wow. Yeah. And it's still growing, man. People are. still coming. The community is growing. What's bringing them in? Work. A lot of. it's work. I mean, Little Rock, just. like so many other cities in the US, are. growing, especially these conservative. states. you know, people are leaving the.

more liberal states to go to these. conservative places and and Arkansas is. a, you know, very conservative state. Um, and so that just requires the growth. and developments. Well, that's not. exactly what I meant. I meant I didn't. realize Arkansas was growing. I heard. Bentonville is it's going crazy. But, um, but. it seems to be this wave of Christianity. of people coming to Christ. So I'm. moving there while they come to church. Are you are you seeing that? Yeah. Okay.

I get your question now. It happened to. me. Happened to a bunch of people I. know. Yeah. We're at the point now where. like we realize the the juice that the. world's given us doesn't satisfy our. thirst. It doesn't quench our thirst. And so like we're going deeper. We we're. realizing that like the passing things. of this world, as good as they are, they're not the best thing. We can use. them as long as they take us to. something higher, something greater, something outside oursel. And people are.

aware of that. We live in a world now. that's so divided. Everything is so. polymical or is that the word pimical? Like it's it's on these extremes. Um that I mean everyone's on edge all. the time, you know, and that's. exhausting. It's so exhausting. And so. people are just wanting some time to. breathe. And so they that naturally. opens up this spiritual side of people. which then leads them to ask big life. questions. Whenever you slow down in. this crazy life like you. realize after all the work after all the.

stuff I do after this life that I live. I'm going to die and ultimately like all. this angst that we have is wrestling. with it the death question. We don't. know when it's coming. We know it's. coming, but we don't know when. And we. can't control that, you know. And so. that that terrifies us. And so we do all. these things that distract us from that. Um, and so the life of faith is really. preparing for a good death. That's a. momento mory. I don't know if you heard. that before. I'm sure you have. Like.

remember your death. Momento mori. It's. a Latin phrase. Um, and uh just a. ancient Christian reflection. A lot of. times you'll see Christian art and it'll. be a skull like on in the corner of the. painting or on the the table or. something and it's a reminder that you. know you're going to be 6 feet under. someday. And so we have to live every. day like so that. we you know prepare for a good death. basically when we go to meet the maker. and give that final account.

Do you see a lot of spiritual warfare? Mhm. Yeah. It's it's it's pretty hidden. Like it's not like the movie the stuff. that I see isn't like you see in the. movies. It's pretty hidden. It's a lot. of it's marriages. Satan is going after. families. That's where he's going. Um. and I see that all the time. So many. broken families. Um I've done three. funerals over the last month, the last. last few months. Two of them within a. week and one back in November of a.

17-year-old, 19-year-old, and a 24 year. old that got shot. you know, they were. just violence, gangs or drug stuff or. what, you know, whatever the the reason. Um, like I see that I see marriages. falling apart. I see infidelity. I see. kids just losing their mind cuz they. don't have, you know, good good parents. and the parents are just lost and. confused. And so that's how. Satan, he can't destroy the world or I. mean it's he could.

Um but like he'll do it one family at a. time if he's going to do it. Mhm. And to. take it back to the whole work thing, like he he he goes after dads, you know. If a dad is not there, then it's uh he's. the he's the cornerstone of the family, you know. Um moms are necessary, of course. the. women are necessary. So is dad, the men. But um so when it comes to warfare, spiritual warfare, I see it like that. That's the biggest place where I see it.

Families being broken. apart. I I see I think I see it I never. really thought of that as being. spiritual warfare to be honest with you. But Mhm. I I think that there's a lot of things. happening in the world that are coming. to light that are grabbing people's. attention. Like I'll I'll bring. something up like like that like the. Last Supper skit at the Olympics. Mhm.

Did you see that? Yeah. I mean, I I feel. like people see something like that and. they're like, me in particular, and they. look at. that and they think, "Holy [ __ ]. okay, that is satanic. If there is, if. satanic is that [ __ ] is that. prevalent?" Yeah. That means the other's. real. Yeah. And so, you know, and a lot. of this stuff was really making me angry.

like like last year Easter, you know, the White House did the the trans. visibility day thing. Yeah. Which which. whatever. They said they put that in. long time ago or something and then it. just happened to fall on that day. Conveniently fell on the day. Yeah. And. but then you look at the letter head and. it had little Easter bunnies and all. this other [ __ ] on there and I and to me. I'm like wait a minute they're they're. perverting the day of the resurrection, right? And so as much as that upsets.

me and seeing things like the Olympics. and and. and mutilating kids and all these other. things, you know, you could we could. line them all up here, but it it it almost in a weird. way it gives me it it's almost proof. that God exists. Because if it's that bad and it is.

satanic and that's where it's coming. from, then that means that the other. that the good side exists as well. And. so now when I see stuff like that, it. actually it. actually streng strengthens my faith. Does that make any sense? Totally. Totally. Does this stuff fall under. spiritual warfare? 100%. It's all. disordered, you know. It's all. disordered. Yeah. And most simply put, and and God created universe, the. universe, and everything in it like in a.

proper ordered way. Like. logic is like like people don't argue. with numbers. 2 plus 2 is four. Like. there's some like objective truths. Like. that's a simple thing for for that. But. like evil comes in and he like Satan, he. can't make stuff. He doesn't create. things. He just distorts what's already. there. So he'll manipulate the truth. He'll manipulate um what is real. So. he'll manipulate like the way that we. see identity or gender like say you know.

this is what for all of humanity it's. male and female but now now it's like no. it can be whatever you want it to be. It's like no you're you're turning. something that's good into something. that's bad. You're distorting it. You. know you it's a lie. It just flips all. this stuff on its head. So uh one of the. words that you use like just these. perversions. That's a that's a good word. for it. It's just perverting the truth. is twisting it around and saying 2+ 2 is. five and it's all over. Mhm.

Mhm. I mean, how much how much So, that's another This is something I think. about all the time, you know, especially. with with. the growing existence of AI stuff like. Neuralink. Mhm. I mean, and then you and. then you. see, you know, I brought on you, Father. Dan Rehill, Lee Stroble, John Burke. Like, I'm I'm super interested in the. subject, but you know that everybody.

talks about how Satan is the is the. master of deceit. He's the master liar. He he he. can manipulate things and make it appear. as something else. And so, I'm just. curious. I mean, how much So, this makes. me think, how much of everything we know. today is a complete lie? Mhm. How much. how much is a how much is a lie? Are we. even, you know, you hear people talk. about, oh, are we in a simulation? Is.

this a false reality AI? We talked I. talked to Huberman about Neurolink and. he had he had I said well he he was. talking about how they it could help. blind people see and I said well if it. could help blind people see then could. they create. a an entire false. reality inside of your head? And he. said, "Oh yeah, if they can make you if. they can make blind see, they can they.

can manipulate all the other senses, taste, smell, touch, emotion. It's wild. All of that stuff." And so it makes it. just makes me wonder, you know, how much. of what we know today or what we think. we know is a lie. And will this all get. revealed at death? Good question. How. It's It's a lot, I would bet. there. It. seems like there's a lot around it, man. I just kept going back to freedom. Freedom like that's all this stuff is.

bad in as much as it takes our freedom. away. God wants us to be free, to be a. saint, to be in the presence of God, and. that's perfect freedom. That's the. fullness of life. um anything that takes. away our freedom or free will or. consciousness like is it gets us away. from that you know but freedom is is. that's ultimately what when God made. Adam and Eve it made them perfectly free. until they started doubting and. questioning and then kind of not.

thinking that they were free enough so. they tried to make their own freedoms. the forbidden fruit you know like the. scripture will tell us that just the. image of the forbidden. But it's about freedom. All these other. things are bad in as much as they take. our our free will away from us. So AI is. a good thing, man. It's here. You know, it's it's not going to go away. So how. do we move forward with it ethically and. morally like and as much as it helps us. with productivity and and to be more. free, that's great. But if it takes away. our freedom, what I mean is like if it.

if we rely on it so much that we're not. creatively thinking and making decisions. on our own and then then it's bad cuz. ultimately that's what it's all about. Like God wants us to be to be free. And. what's the ultimate freedom? Like this. radical creativity. So going back to the. work conversation, work that's done like freely um and. properly ordered is is a creative act. That's what work is. It's you're you're. creating stuff. You're you're.

cooperating in the creation of the of. the world. So there's a lot of dignity. in work. Um but yeah, just freedom. So any any. way that all this stuff around us takes. away our freedom, it's not from God. Um. what is the freedom? The freedom is to. do the right thing, to do what's right. Not the freedom to do whatever the hell. you want. It's the freedom to do what's. right. Um, I'm not free to go out and. rob 15 banks today if I want to. Like, that's not right. I'm not free to go out.

and just drink a 30 pack of beer and. then drive around town. Like, that's not. good. You know, I'm not free to kill. somebody like just out of cold blooded. murder. Like, that's not that's not. freedom. If there's a you know, you're saying you have freedom to make. the choice. Yeah. That's is that your. definition of free will is? Yeah. Yeah. The to make the to make the to make the. right choice. We're free to make the. right choice. You have you have the free.

will of whether to choose good or to. choose evil. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then so you mentioned psychedelics. just in past and we we can jump into. that a little bit later whenever you. want. But like something with that or. alcohol or drugs or like anything like. this is like um it would be bad in as. much as it takes our free will. Thomas. Aquinus talks about alcohol for. example and like you know how much can. you drink and he says to the point of. hilarity that's kind of like the way he. like. just cuz to the point of hilarity means.

that like you still have full use of. your reason but as soon as something. takes away your faculties then you're. not free in that and that's where Satan. wants to come in cuz if we don't. maintain the proper use of our faculties. and. reason then that's because we've. surrendered to someone else. Um, and so. anytime that we surrender that, like if. we're under the influence of something. to the point where it takes away our. faculties completely, we've surrendered. that free will to somebody else. And at.

that point, they're free to make. decisions for in our name. I mean, to. really simplify it, like think of a. parent raising a kid, the parents going. to make decisions for the kids because. it's their proper, you know, like it's. their right thing to. do. You know, a power of attorney is. another example. you give someone else. the the freedom to make decisions in. your name. Um, but that can be a. slippery slope if you give the freedom. to the wrong person. They can abuse that. power of eternity and just screw you. Um, and then if you take another step. further into the spiritual realm, if you.

if you uh give your. freedom to some spiritual being that's. not God, then that's a that's how Satan. makes his way in. Is our destiny chosen for us? I don't think it's chosen. So if God. knows everything that's going to. happen, then how is it not? So God's. knowledge doesn't necessarily. predetermine.

um you know where we'll end up. He may. know where we're going to end up. That's. not because he's predestined. It's. because like he just he knows all. things. God's outside of space and time. God's all knowing. the the fornowledge of God is I guess. kind of a simple way of understanding. this St. Augustine or St. Augustine. depend how you say his name he talks. about this free will and predestination. and everything and it's like God's. fornowledge is that which guarantees us.

the freedom to choose rightly in that. moment in the future. So it's like if he. knows all this stuff, but it's just like. a a parent leading their kid, you know, through something in life and you walk. with the kid and you say, "Okay, we're. here now. Let's make the decision. I've. taught you all this stuff up to this. point. Now you're going to make the. decision. What do you make? If it's a. wrong decision, you help your kid learn. from it and then move on. If it's the. right decision, they keep going." So. God's fornowledge is kind of like a. parent walking with with a kid. So yeah, it's kind of simplest way I could put it. for not get too theological with it. Do.

you think he knows if we're going to. wind. up a believer or a non-believer? He. wouldn't. Yeah. I mean, God would know. He knows all things. So, he he would. know. that. But, um, for him to know if we're going to be. a believer or non-believer, if we're. going to be in heaven or hell, does not. mean that he would have predestined. that. Um, God cannot. predestin or like it it's not in God's. nature to to will something bad for.

somebody. God is love. And so God would. not create any of us like with a plan of. sending us to hell. It would be the. choice that we freely make in that. regard. What are your thoughts on psychedelics? you know, I just I found a lot of. healing through them. A lot of my. friends have um that have been to war.

And you know, it's always a. very controversial subject within. Catholic Christian world. A lot of. people say it's demonic. Mhm. Uh, a lot. of people say it it it. it opens up, you know, people are trying. to open up their third eye and that's. how demons come in. It's like a window. A lot of people say that, you know, it's. it's it's a false reality that you. experience. But I've seen a lot more good than bad.

come from this stuff. Way more good. And. so I'm I've I've heard. that some people use psychedelics to. open people up before. exorcisms. Uh I'm just curious what what. are your thoughts on your psychedelics? And this initial thing is like how much. of your free will can be maintained in. that and if it is surrendered in the use. of that who is who is rightly going to. be your your guardian during that. moment. Mhm. Yeah, that's kind of one. thing. That's kind of a high like a high.

thought or whatever. But they're doing a lot more studies. I. think with with more of these studies. like we'll have a clear understanding of. the morality of it and the ethics of it. and everything, which is good. So, we. have to do the studies and and. everything and figure out more. Big. thing is like like can it be like how. can you can control the consistency of. it? Like if like in a beer, you know how. much alcohol is in there. Now like um. with Yeah. Do you know how much is in.

it? And then if you can measure it and. know how much is in it then you can. control how much you take which would. control the effects. And what about what. about from a spiritual standpoint? Yeah. You know a lot like with with with. people that's saying it's it's demonic. It's demonic forces. You're opening. yourself up to to the spiritual realm. I. mean what what are your what are your. thoughts on that? Yeah. Is it is it. spiritual suicide? That's a good. question,

man. I'm still I'm still learning more. about it myself, you know. Um, now if. you compare psychedelics to crystal meth. or something, I think those are two. totally different creatures, you know, or cocaine or whatever, like some like a. one of these man-made drug or something. versus like something that is naturally. derived. I think I think that in itself. is an argument that needs to be explored. more. To answer your question, like does.

it open you up to the demonic stuff? I. think I think it can. I think it. can. Just in the shortest answer. Yeah. It gives me the jibbies. I don't want to. I don't know if I'd want to do it. Have. you ever done it? Have no psychedelics. No. Is the spiritual realm right here. amongst us? Always. We. can't. There's so much more in this. world, in this universe, in this life.

than what we can just. sense, you know. Um, what would be an. example? I mean, you can look up. something on Wikipedia and you can read. one article, but there's still all the. rest of Wikipedia that's still there and. exist even though you haven't read it. We have our senses that allow us to take. information in. Um, but think of those. senses as just experiencing like one. Wikipedia page of what this life is all. about. That's kind of like a horizontal. kind of way of understand. But if you. take that vertically like to the.

spiritual realm, uh, yeah, I mean it's. all it's all around us. Just the day. like life experiences will reveal life. experiences will reveal that there's. there's more to this life than just the. things we can touch and see and smell. I. mean, every human being has had a good. day and a bad day. You know, we've all. done stuff that has changed our mood and. making us happier or sad, mad or angry, whatever it may be. We've all had people. say something to us that it's a word. that we hear in our head, but it does. something inside us. It can piss us off. or can make us feel loved and consoled.

Um, it's all around us. It's it's all. around us. We got to be aware of it, respected, but at the same time, we. can't get hung up on it. What I mean is. like God wants us to live live life like. be in reality. Do you think there's ways. to access it? Prayer is like that initially comes to. mind. I don't know. Like a short I'm a. little I'm a redneck from from the farm. Okay.

Um, sure. Yeah, there's there's. definitely ways to access it. Okay. There's definitely ways to access it. If you ever feel like the modern world. is wearing you down, things like EMFs, artificial light, seed oils, microlastics, chronic stress, it seems. like our biology wasn't designed for. these modern assaults, and it's probably. taking a toll on all of us. Armor. colostrum is a bioactive whole food that. can help revive cellular signaling and.

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lme.me/srs for 20% off your purchase. Thanks to Lumen for sponsoring this. episode. These statements have not been. evaluated by the FDA. Lumen is not. intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any. disease. Well, let's dig into your life. story. So, real quick, one thing I. forgot. Sorry about this. Um, so I have. a Patreon account. It's a subscription. account and um they've been with me. since the beginning. We've grown quite. the community in there. And uh one of.

the things I offer them the opportunity. to to ask each and every guest a. question. And so it's a long question, so I'm going to summarize it. It's from. Brian Duff, but Brian was born and. raised Catholic, and basically he's. a he's a paramedic, combat veteran, experienced a lot of trauma, a lot of. evil, a lot of inhumane stuff. He's lost. a lot of friends to suicide.

And he says after a long description, "While I believe in God, I guess what. I'm asking is how do I not be angry with. him because I'm pissed at him? If he is. all powerful as we're taught, why would. he allow such things to happen?" Mhm. Fantastic question, Mr. Duff. Brian, was. that his name? Brian or Brian? Yeah, good good question, Brian. Man, first. thing I would say is like be pissed at.

God. He's a big boy. If you're mad at. God, like the only way to encounter God. is in reality. I mentioned that earlier. I think I did. Um if not, I was thinking. it. But yeah, like the only way to. encounter God is in reality, not in. fantasy. So if you're pissed at God, tell him. I mean, he already knows what. you're feeling and thinking. He knows. what's in your mind. He knows what's in. your heart. He knows all the stuff that. you saw. He was there with you. And. that's the beauty of Christianity that. God is I guess the message of the cross. Like God doesn't sit on some, you know, crystal throne and gaze on us like a,

you know, somebody watching fish in a. tank. Like he was crucified. Like he's. been to the depths of hell. Like he. knows better than us what that is. And. so first thing is meet God at that spot. Um because it's only through reality and. in reality that you're going to. encounter God. So start with that. stuff, man. And then from there. everything else just kind of snowballs. What was the the second part? So why the last question that he said?

How do I not be angry with him because. I'm pissed at him? Okay. If he is all. powerful as we're taught, why would he. allow such things to happen? Good. Okay. Yeah. So. yeah, again just it's okay to be mad at. God. I think a lot of people have never. been given that freedom to be mad at. God. some of the best prayers that I've. had, I'd chewed him out and then. afterwards he like he he he brings some.

light to it and meaning to it. So start. there and then. uh he's so good like why do these things. happen? That's the the that's the. typical question of suffering. If God is. so good, why is there evil in the world? Uh and it's because of because of his. love. And I'll explain that because it. doesn't make sense. If God loves us, then how can that be the reason for the. evil? Like love is always proposed and. it's never imposed, right? God doesn't.

spiritually rape us. He always. intimately invites us to a deeper. relationship. He gives us the full free. will to respond however we want to. respond because love is again is not. forced on somebody. It's an offer. It's. it's an invitation that's given and then. we respond to. that. We're broken people, man. And so. therefore, we make dumb decisions. And. those dumb decisions can be here and now. or they could be generational things. that you could I don't want to make it.

more than what it is or like kind of. like but like you could do something. now. I'm thinking like the butterfly. effect like it's not really the. butterfly effect but you can do. something. now that's going to like cause like. something evil 50 years or 100 years. down the road. like what? You know, so. just an image that would come to mind. Let's say I'm a father, got some kids, let's say I had a long work week. I come. home and just hammer some beers and then. I get in a fight with my wife and I.

punch her in front of my kids and the. kids start crying and then I kick them. and tell them to shut the hell up. And. then like the next day like everyone's. quiet, we get through the week and then. like there's some reconciliation. The. wife didn't leave. I apologize and all. this stuff. the kid had some trauma and. the kid's going to grow up and go. through their stuff and they may see. something, you know, when they're in. their 50s. Let's say they're they're in. their 60s. They got their kids now and. then some little uh they got their first. grandkids and then um maybe the maybe. it's the guy's daughter just had their.

first grandkid and then the guy hears. that from his daughter that the husband. was abusing him or something and he goes. home and shoots him, goes to the house. and shoots him or something like that. would be an evil. act, you know, murder and like kind of like a seed was. planted years before. Does that kind of. make sense? So we can we can do things. now that have effects in the future. You're you're talking about creating. generational trauma through poor. decision- making. Yeah. Yeah. And if.

that happens at the physical level, it. also happens at the spiritual level, too. Um and so the Yeah. The the free. will stuff is it's like that, you know? It's but it's here now. Like it doesn't. have to be a generational thing. I can. make a bad decisions. I've made a ton of. them. I'm going to make more of them in. the future. I don't want to. It's not. like I plan on it, but I know I'm a. broken human being. And. so, you know, emotions can get the. better of us and then we just do stupid. stuff. And that's why, and to bring it.

like back to the God thing, it's like. it's because he gave us free will. We're. just we're get malinformed or we follow. our emotions instead of using our. reason, instead of thinking stuff. through. We say stuff we don't want to. say. We do stuff we don't want to do, shouldn't do. And it's because God loves us and he. gives us that free will. And whenever we. make dumb decisions, it affects the. whole. community. So that's that would be kind. of the answer I'd give Brian like kind. of twofold. First of all, the thing.

first part wasn't a question, but I. would just I. directly respond to the the anger thing. Be be mad at God. Whatever emotion you. got, bring it to God. And then. two, not to make it just too too easy of. an answer, but like bad stuff happens. because we do dumb stuff and we do dumb. stuff because God has given us free will. to, you know, ultimately do the good, but whenever we don't choose the. right, there's consequences. Yeah. Well, thank you. Well, let's dig into your.

story a little bit here. So there's a lot a lot of hard questions. there, but um like a punch in the face. I don't know if any of that made sense. No, I mean some heavy stuff. All those. Did I come too hard at you? No, it's. good. Like I I like the shock and all. catch my breath. So if I'm mumbling or. stumbling knock the wind out of me. Um. I'm getting warmed up though. So you. grew up in small town in Arkansas, correct? Wind is the name of the town. little bitty old town around uh it was. around 9,000 8,000 people growing up.

which is kind of wild going back to the. church thing. I'm I'm leading a church. now at 39 years old that's bigger than. the hometown I grew up in basically like. the mayor of that town you know that's. kind of weird. Um yeah I grew up in Win. Arkansas. It's a farming community. I. grew up on a family farm. We got rice, soybeans, wheat. Um 200 acres or so. Just a German family. Grew from this. German family. Uh hardworking family. And we're we're a poor family. Everyone. in the family is poor. Just um but hard.

work hard workers. So I didn't although. I didn't inherit wealth or anything from. my. family. Uh I damn sure inherited a work. ethic. And uh just put the knives of. grindstoneone and get stuff done. And. that's something I learned growing up. Do that work. I'm the second oldest of. five kids. And uh I'm 39. I mentioned. that earlier. I was born in 85. Um, when. I was 8 years old, my dad and older. sister died in a car wreck and uh, I was.

in the truck with them. My little sister. was in them in the truck with us. It was. a onec car accident. We stayed at my. dad's parents house the night before and. we were driving back to the house. um, the next day to get ready for. school. Dad was going to go to work, take us to school and everything. And. it's about a mile and a half down the. road from our house. Um, we uh were. coming through a curve. Dad had a dish. bowl like on the dashboard of the truck. and uh we took this curve and the dish.

started sliding across the dashboard. So. he leaned over to grab it. When he did, yanked the steering wheel and we went in. the ditch and caught a culvert and. started doing cartwheels. Um my older sister Courtney, she was 11. The truck landed on her. She died. immediately. My dad, he was 32, which is. wild, you know, to think that. Um. he I think he died in an ambulance on. the uh like on the way to to the. hospital. Um punctured lungs, stuff like. that. I had uh just some cuts and.

scrapes, a broken ankle. My little. sister, she was three, I was eight, little sister was three, she just got. crushed. She was sitting on my dad's. lap. None of us were wearing seat belts. Uh and uh she was sitting on my dad's. lap. And so whenever we hit the culvert, she just got crushed. between my dad and. the steering wheel. So everything like. from the waist down was just crushed. Collarbone also and her arm. She was in. the body cast. So I remember that mom, you know, pulling her around in a little. wagon for that. Um but I remember, you.

know, dad was there just kind of. breathing heavy and remember sitting on. his chest and like him groaning about. it. Now I know why, you know, punctured. lungs. You wouldn't want someone sitting. on your chest if you had a punctured. lung. Um, and. then yeah, you know, for an 8-year-old, that's some Do you remember that? Mhm. Yeah. May 5th, 1994, you know, was. probably around, I don't. know, 6 or so, 5:45, 6:15, somewhere.

around there, maybe. No, probably later. than that. Probably around 6 6:15, 6:45. in the. morning. It'll screw this little kid's. brain, you know. Um, so talking about little signs from God, I remember just the week before growing. up on the So we're on the farm. My uncle. who ran the farm, he he just the week. before he was saying, "Hey, Stephen, if. you ever I'm on the tractor and you need. to stop me, just, you know, come out. Just wave your hands and I'll know to. come, you know, come check on you. Come.

see what you need cuz I won't hear your. voice. So just wave your arm." So like I. realized like [ __ ] wasn't good. Like. trucks upside down. I was like something. out of a movie scene, you know, and the. war zone. And so I'd hobble my way up to. the the side of the road and um little. cars coming. So I flag him down and I. say, "Yeah, here's the phone number.". And then they went up to I don't know if. he called. I guess he called. And mom. Yeah. I answered the phone.

and we live, you know, on the we live on. the farm. My grandparents lived on the. farm as well still. Yeah. They're. deceased now. But so mom calls my. grandpa and says, you know, they were in. a they were in a wreck. So she turns the. corner and picks him up and then they. come to the scene. Yeah. They they. wouldn't let her up there, though. I. mean, it's small town. My dad worked at. the radio station. Big personality. Everybody knew him. So he was well known. in the community. Mom, too, you know, because of him. And. uh um the cops wouldn't let her come up.

just just because they knew how bad it. was. And so, I mean, you can just. imagine what go through mom's mind, you. know, with that stuff. And, um, my sister's airlifted to to. Memphis. It was about 45 minutes away, an hour away, and I was taken to the. hospital there, and then taken by. ambulance to the children's hospital in. Memphis. And Yeah, man. Wow. Yeah. I remember being at the. children's hospital and they were uh.

that's when they everyone was there. the. the priest came drove over from from you. know where we lived and there was a nun. who was at the other church she was. there too and family and remember them. telling me like you know your dad and. sister died and like I didn't know what. that meant but I just remember kind of. being a little mad at that like angry. and like hitting the hitting my hands on. the on the the hospital bed. but 8 years old huh yeah.

Man, mom was pregnant. She had she was. pregnant. She knew that she her and dad. knew that they knew they were pregnant. She goes to the doctor couple weeks. later, you know, week later, whatever, for a checkup. It's a lot of trauma. Didn't. know checkup for the baby and for her. And um the doctor was like, you know, I. got some news for you. And she's, you. know, did I lose a baby or what is it? And the doctor said, no, you got twins. So she was pregnant with twins, man. So.

then um I basically helped mom raise the. raise my siblings and everything. So. little 8-year-old boy. I remember. carrying felt like a strong kid whenever. I cuz I to be able to carry both of the. little uh the baby what do you call. them? Baby carrier baby bucket whatever. you put the little thing in to carry a. baby. What do you call it? I don't like. kids but the wife a baby carrier maybe a. a bassinet. I don't know. Whatever. whatever you carry a baby around in. something like that. Um so yeah so that.

was childhood. That was a big big thing. How long after after your dad and your. sister died were the twins born? Uh. later that year. uh just a couple months. I mean Yeah. No, it was it was still very They just. found out they were pregnant. All of us. were like. um I think we're April. So about March. or April is whenever I guess mom and. dad. It's a really fertile time. We were. all born in November, December. They. were born in December. My brother. Wow.

Wow. I don't know what to say to that. Not much you can. It's like damn. I still don't know what to say. You. know, it's kind of cool. Like we were. talking about different things for. ministry and suffering. And that's been a like a like it's cool. how God uses that because whenever. people come to me after the [ __ ] hits. the fan in their lives and they're like, "Father, like I need an answer." There's. like there's not an answer. And so it's. given me the ability just just to sit.

with them. So like sometimes like not an. answer is okay. Mhm. You don't have to. have a reason. And it's uh cuz I don't. know. I'll never understand why, you. know, and I go through waves of just. like being angry or indifferent or mad. at God. But. Well, who took over that role for you? Who did you look up to? Good question. Um, my grandpa, my mom's, um, my mom's. dad was probably the biggest one. Quiet.

man. His name was Herman. Herman Joseph. Um, he's deceased now. Um, quiet, hardworking guy. It's funny. He smoked. cigarettes. Uh, then he had a heart. attack, so he had to quit, but he was. one of those guys like quit, but he kept. smoking. So, he'd go to the bathroom. every night and smoke cigarettes with. the bathroom open, think that we. couldn't smell it in the rest of the. house. It's kind of funny, but yeah, so. he he did it. A couple of uncles also. stepped in and and kind of took me under. their wings. Different they all they all.

fathered me in different ways. Um, no. one can replace a father, you know. I. had a lot of good examples, but I never. had a dad. Um, one uncle taught me just a lot about. just hard work, physical labor, just. kind of being raw. He was the farmer. Um, the other one just a lot about like. humor and just just living life, having. fun, you know. There were some other. good people too that kind of took me. under their wings. Friends, parents, you. know, boy scouts. There was a scout.

leader, a couple scout leaders that that. took care of me and and helped me a lot, too. So, took the village to raise me. How how long did. it is there anything in particular in. particular that helped. you that helped you deal with that. situation or was it just time? I think just time and even now like I'm. still working through a lot of this. stuff, you know, and going back to the.

work subject. Um I'm a typical dude like. just bottle it up, do work, and that'll. distract me from it. Mhm. Um, so I'm still processing it to be. honest with you. Yeah, I'm still I. started doing like some counseling stuff. in January and that's been really. phenomenal working through just working. through a lot of different stuff and um. that's been helpful. But yeah, I just. put my nose to the grindstone and just. just kept going. That's kind of what's. that's what's what it's what's got me. through life. It's kind of like fake it.

till you make it kind of thing. Work. work until you figure something out. How's your mom? Good. We're hell. raisers. like we but um she's good. She's uh she lives by herself. She never. remarried, gave herself, just completed. us, doing everything she could to raise. us. Um she lives in the same house that we. grew up in. And it was a house that my. grandfather built when he was in high. school in the ' 40s. She still lives in. it. Old old house. Um she still lives.

there. And. how are the twins? They're knuckleheads, man. One is in Washington state. Not. much contact with him. The other one is. in Arkansas. He uh is a mechanic like a. uh he works in guidance systems on farm. equipment. Oh, okay. Yeah. Sister, she. lives in Detroit, just outside of. Detroit. I think Southgate's the name of. the little area. She's got a few kids. You guys grew up Catholic? Mhm. Yeah. Born and raised. That was always that. was a non-negotiable. Um there was.

something good about that. Uh, now that. I'm older, I'll hear challenges from. people like saying, "Oh, well, you know, you know, it's not right for your. parents to impose that on you or, you. know, they should have given you the. choice." Well, like little kid shits in. their diaper. Like, mom's going to. change the diaper. You don't ask the ask. the kid, "Hey, you want to change your. diaper?" You know, same thing with the. food. There's some basic human needs. that that other people who are rightly. in charge of, you're responsible for. You make decisions on your behalf, for. your good, your well-being. And our. spiritual well-being is same thing. you.

know, which would in include like. virtue, you know, being a virtuous. person. Um, but we grew up all the. farmers went to this little Catholic. church there. Um, we were we were a. faithful family. We weren't like super. holy, like we didn't pray all the time. I mean, we always pray before meals. We. try to pray the rosary every now and. then. Um, but it usually would end up. with us falling asleep or the, you know, us fighting, the siblings fight, and. then mom or grandma yelling at us and it.

just kind of unravels quickly, you know, kind of real life prayer. Went to mass. every Sunday. That was a. non-negotiable. Um, it was just a simple steady presence. is what it was. And that that's one of. the the graces that I took from it. Just. a point of stability and all the stuff. around us that was always changing, ebbing and flowing. Um, it was a point. of. stability. And so it set that foundation. for my life. Like even now faith is is. that. bedrock. It's that place of encounter.

where I encounter the Lord in the midst. of the storm. So yeah, grew up Catholic. What what advice would you have for kids. who have lost parents? Yeah. Um find some find some good examples, some good role models, and uh ask them. to take you under under their wing. You. know, you don't have to explicitly ask. them, but surround yourself with good people. You know, you're going to do the stuff. that you see other people do. So, find a.

find a good good role model. That's the. simplest thing. Okay. So, moving. on. What you what do you like doing as. you got older? Just playing stuff. I. love playing. I'm a I'm just a boy now. of a big boy and a grown man's body. Um, so grew up we were very poor. We didn't. have internet or TV or we had TV. Uh, but didn't have internet, didn't have. cable TV, uh, didn't have video games or.

anything, but we had a big farm. So, I. just go out and play with stuff, shoot a. little BB gun, you know, shoot robins. and cardinals and stuff, you know, you. know, the typical boy hunting outside. Um, I would just play. I loved I had a. sandbox in the backyard and I go out and. play with that. I had a bunch of Legos. They were my dad's so I play with Legos. a lot. Just creative stuff. Um I was a. good kid. I wasn't bad. Had a lot of. energy. Um but I was a good kid in.

class, good kid in school. I was. respectful. I did Boy Scouts. I was in. Boy Scouts um my whole life from like. Tiger Cubs, I think that starts first. grade or whatever to Eagle Scout which. was in high. school. So did that. did sports, played. sports, football sports, football, track, and golf. I wasn't really good at. um because I was small. I've always been. a small guy. And uh but I had some grit. Could just go to some dark places and.

just like on the football team, I wasn't. good enough to start. Um but I had. enough grit to like I was like coaches. always calling me in to to run the plays. like against the starting offense or. defense. They knock the tar out of me. and I'd get right back up and um which. is kind of fun. We would always Friday. night football in Arkansas is like a. religion. Well, it's like Tennessee here. too, I think. But um Mondays we would. always watch the film of the Friday. football game and I remember one time in.

particular, I was on kickoff team. I was. flying down the field and one of the. guys on the other team, I didn't see. him. He knocked the tar out of me. Just. knocked me off the side. I was right on. the I was on the the right at the. sideline anyways and he hits me so hard. that I go into like all of my teammates. and I just disappear and I reappear like. 15 yards down the field chasing after. the ball. It was just kind of funny. Um. yeah, football, track, I did golf. Uh we. didn't have a membership at the country. club. We're too poor for that. But I had.

a big farm so I was always out hitting. golf balls. Nice. It was nice. Yeah. Had. a little green in the front yard that I. mowed. So, what got you interested in. the military? I just wanted to I don't know. At the. time, there was no reason. I went to. college for a year and I hated that. So, I didn't go to the military to for. college. Uh it wasn't to leave home cuz. I loved being at home. There was just. there was an itch in me to go explore. I. just wanted to go explore. Had some. cousins and some friends that joined the.

military. And. um um yeah, so I went went in the Air. Force. It was 2005 when I went in. there. I was pretty pumped. I wanted to. go as fast as I could. So I went to the. recruiter and uh this was yeah, you. know, height of OAF. And so I was like, what can get me out of here the fastest? They needed SER instructors, the. survival evasion, resistance, and escape. guys. Um so I was like, okay, yeah, I'll. do that. So I did all the prep for that, the the pre-training and pre-EST and.

everything. Go to basic training. Long. story short, I get washed out of that. and then get put into a logistics job. We can unpack all that. But it was fun. The military was really, really fun. So. basic training, I would love to go back. through it now. I don't know about you, but yeah, just being like older and. knowing the mind game that it is, it was. so fun. Part of like my coping mechanism. is is humor. And uh it was Yeah, that. got me in so much trouble in basic. Uh,

I remember our instructor, Terry. Shirley. We had a lady, there was our. flight and we had a sister flight. We. did a lot of training together and she. did a lot of instructors with us. She. had a chip on her shoulder, man. She was. just like every instructor. But, um, she. I was like one of her favorite ones, which made it bad for me because she was. just picking on me non-stop. She like. jackass was the name that she gave me. And so anytime we were training, she. just said jackass. Like everyone's like, "Gadar, she's calling you. Go. you got. to go. Um, but she was always just on.

me. Always. I did so many push-ups. Was. one of the fittest guys in the in the. flight at the graduation. She also knew. I was wanted to do this this sear job. And so, she knew I had to be in good. shape. So, she was helping me with that. She was trying to help me uh like with. mental toughness as well. I was the. guide bear or the guide on bear carrying. the flag and everything and up front. marching. I remember one day we were on. the. on the drill pad training and it was.

just a bad day. Like nothing was working. and I was. just it just was I kept getting I kept. messing up and of course you know you're. in the front of the group so if you take. a wrong step everyone behind you is off. too. and she. um. man over and over and over kept messing. up and then she got in my face and she's. like, "Damn it, when we. go like we're going to start marching. and we're going to turn left. We're. going to start marching and we're going.

to turn left." All right. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Oh, what? M left face m You. know, so we're going. My dumb ass went. right right after she told me that. And. golly, she flipped a switch and it. wasn't good there. Um, but that was that. was kind of a fun thing. Um, I just. wanted an adventure. You asked about. military. I went down that little bunny. hole. I just wanted an an adventure. I. found it. There was a lot to do there.

I'm I'm going I'm sorry I'm. backtracking, but you know, you had. mentioned you're still struggling with. uh the loss of your your father and your. sister. Mhm. What are you struggling with? M so when that happens. like like I immediately had to start. providing for the family as an.

8-year-old boy so I didn't get a. childhood. So one of the ways that I'm. struggling with it now I was like all. the it's kind of like the shrapnel of. the of the. bomb. I didn't get a childhood so I had. to grow up like overnight. almost. My. mom has zero income, like a very little. income. She didn't have a college. education, so she doesn't make a lot of. money. So, as soon as I start working, or as soon as I could start working, I. had to start working to make money for. the family. I just had to provide. Um, as a kid, little kid, you can't do much.

to provide, but I babysat, help mom a. lot of stuff in a lot of ways. As I got. older and started working, I helped a. lot financially and doing more to take. care of the family. The way it's messed. with me is like is currently now with. boundaries, like not telling people no. It's hard to say no. It's hard to stop. working. It's hard to turn off cuz I. didn't really have a choice as a kid. Um and. uh how does that how does that affect. your ability to say no?

Um I struggle with that, too. Yeah, I've. gotten a lot better at it, but it's. tough. It is. How does it affect my. ability to say no? Um, like I'm not naive to the tight. situation that that we grew up in and. like the fact that mom couldn't do it. and so someone had to help her. We had. family that would help. But like in my. mind I was like, well that's it's my job. to do. I got to stand up and do it. And.

so anytime I see a problem now you feel. responsible. Yeah. Yeah. And uh so I. feel like I got to fix it for people and. I'm good at it. Like I'm really good at. what I do. And that's part of like the. superpower. But then one of the ways. that it is not good is like people come. to me just for an easy solution and and. I'll fix it. And man, I'm I'm I just started this. therapy stuff in January. So I'm I'm. working through all this right now. It's.

uh it's tough. Why do I do it though? Um, so as a child there were a lot of a. lot of moments whenever. like like I didn't have a voice like I. would want to go play or something but I. couldn't go play or um the answer would. always be no. or I just felt like. it if I wanted something I just had to. do it. Um I want something done I had to. get it done. if there was something fun. that I wanted to do like I didn't ask. I.

learned pretty quick to not ask to do. much stuff because most time I couldn't. Um I don't know that's just trickled in. now to Mhm. to what we're doing. So when you say, you know, it's it's. it's really hard for you to say no and. that's becoming a problem. Is that. building resentment? Yeah, man. That's. that's big. Yeah, the resentment can be. big. something that well this last month. it's been good to work on that and the.

way that. um so like if someone comes and like. want wanting help with something um I. can get the resentment in there because. it's like whenever they ask me I feel. like I have to say yes like I feel like. I can't say no so I don't I feel like I. don't have this freedom to say what I. need to say. um and also there's some resentment. there because it's like I had to figure. out life and I'm still figuring it out.

on my own. Um, now I'm getting a lot. better with like doing it with friends. and other people, you know, but as a. child I had to figure it all out on my. own and. uh that taught me a lot but I get the. resentment because I can like judge. people for being lazy or not motivated. I just want to say figure it out like. wrestle with a little bit struggle with. it. There's I love the struggle of life. I think a lot of people don't and so I. get the resentment there whenever like. they're not willing to to to struggle a.

little bit. Do you feel do you feel. resentment for the time that it takes? Yeah. Yeah. In a way it's like going. back to the work stuff. We were talking. about this earlier like it's it's a um. like it it gets in the way of my other. projects or it's it's like a if I do. stuff I want it to be efficient. Let's. let's get it done. Let's be productive. Let's do it efficiently. So therefore like it it can be harder. for me to do some of the stuff that just. takes time for people. Some of these. counseling sessions or times I'll be. with you know meeting with the family or.

something for them the healing that they. need is going to come through them just. kind of telling their whole story and uh. but in my brain I'm just like what's the. what are the what are the main points? Give it to me in a minute and a half. Let's let's get it done. Yeah. So yeah. the time thing is a big thing. Well, I mean, I can relate to. that big time. I've really struggled. with that. And I'll tell you the one.

thing that's that's helped me. is somebody told. me when you say yes to somebody, you're. saying no to somebody else. M yeah. that's a good and so the way I took that. is the same. thing I think you've listened to the. show you know how deep we get and uh it. it I can't help everybody and it's okay. to say no and you know but I couldn't I.

couldn't I couldn't [ __ ] say no. and then somebody told me that and I. realized every time I'm saying. yes to all these people. I'm saying no. to my wife, to my son, to my daughter, to my mom and dad, to everybody that I. really really love. Yeah. And you know, when you kind of paint it in that. perspective, that that um that helped me.

a lot. That's a good Yeah, I like that. It's interesting whenever I would be in. these. situations, whenever I feel like I'm, for example, like if someone asks me a. question, like I I feel like I have to. say what they want to hear. Um, and so. I'm not free in that. And so what. happens is like psychologically and. emotionally, I go back to the 8-year-old. Steven. And like in my mind, in my. heart, my brain, I'm just thinking like. I'm thinking like a kid. And so now what.

I'm trying to do is like rationally. think through the thing and say what. needs to be. said as a mature Stephen instead of the. little boy Steven. And so that's hard to. to say what needs to be said, but I know. that's the right thing. So for example, it's like instead of saying yes to. somebody, it's saying no. What's. interesting though is that whenever I do. that, a lot of times I'll see them like. almost flip a switch and they'll start. acting out of their child. So like the. no that they hear takes them back to a. childhood trauma, you know, whatever. sort. And then they'll start acting a.

certain way or getting defensive or this. excuse or whatever it may be, but it's. almost like a a switch being flipped and. then they'll start acting a different. way to me out of that childhood trauma. But the neat thing now is as as you know. with ministry is that I can then love. them in that situation. The the response. that they're giving is out of a trauma. that they had from whenever someone. didn't love them properly. Uhhuh. And so. then they respond to me out of that. childhood mentality and then I can love. them in it and there's some healing that.

the Lord does through that if that makes. sense. Um so it's just kind of neat to. to like by me having healthy boundaries. like the Lord is healing people people. through me you know cuz it forces them. to bring to light stuff that they're. struggling with and then let the Lord. into that. Join me and my special guest for the. next behindthecenes experience. exclusively available on Vigilance Elite. Patreon. The behind-the-scenes footage. is raw and uncut. This is as close to.

the set as you can possibly get. You can. expect anything from off-topic. conversations, studio tours, the final. moments before the interview starts, and. everything in between. The. behind-the-scenes content is constantly. evolving and will continue to bring you. more as we grow. You can gain access for. just $15 a month exclusively at. Vigilance Elite. Patreon. I know everybody out there has. to. be just as frustrated as I am when it.

comes to the BS and the rhetoric that. the mainstream media continuously tries. to force feed us. And I also know how. frustrating it can be to try to find. some type of a reliable news source. It's getting really hard to find the. truth in what's going on in the country. and in the world. And so, one thing. we've done here at Shawn Ryan Show is we. are developing our. newsletter. And the first contributor to. the newsletter that we have is a woman,

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the description or in the comments. We'll see you in the newsletter. All right, we're back from the break and. I think we're at I think we're at Seir. training. Had a good good chat. downstairs about kind of diving in a. little bit deeper about saying no. and which morphed into. psychedelics. But.

um I don't I feel weird like advocating. for psychedelics to a priest. No, it. it it makes sense. It makes sense. I. like I I don't want to give definitive. answers on on it either way just because. I don't have all the knowledge yet. Yeah. And also know that I'm like an. authority figure when it comes to like. religious things. So. like this isn't a religious thing, but. people would see me as as an authority. figure. So if I give an answer on. something, they'll take it as as the. gospel, you know. Mhm. Um, sort of like.

if you spoke about self-defense, you. know, you know, arms training or. whatever it may be, like people are. going to listen to what you say like you. know what you're doing. So, so if I if I. um I understand I mean you you have a. a tremendous amount of responsibility. for the people that that that that are. listening to this and and 10,000 people. that go to your go to your church. And. um I mean I feel I feel the same thing.

doing this. I mean we have a a massive. audience and I never want to lead them. the wrong way. But it but also you know. I don't know. I mean to. me people have to be will you know they. have to. be how do I say. this? So many people are trained to just. be told what to think nowadays. Yeah. And I I you know on this show I like to. leave it up to them like here's all. these different things we're talking. about and it's up to you to like. decipher you know what what what what.

aligns with your values and your beliefs. and and I'm not here to tell you how to. think you know I'm here to explore my. own curiosity. and take my audience with me but um but. I do understand what you're saying. I. would that um there's more to explore. there. Like I I want to know more about. the psychedelics. I mean the reality is. is like they're here. More people are. opening up to them. They're starting to. do studies and everything with it. Uh I.

think it's going to be good to get some. objective data, you know, to make those. choices. But then it's it's it's a. natural thing. Like it's it's it's a. fruit of the earth. Um I'm I'm just I'm ignorant about it. I'm curious about it. I want to learn. more. Um, I wouldn't be opposed to. trying them sometime, but like it like. it would be a specific context, a time. and place. And I mean, we we it's very. obvious that that your father and your. sister that have passed in the car.

accident. Um, did you really struggle. with that? Mhm. And you know, I went through a lot of. examples downstairs of what it what it's. done and for friends of mine, a lot of. friends of mine, what it's done for me. personally. And you know, I mentioned I see a way. more good than bad that comes out of it. Mhm. And I don't I just you know it has the. ability.

to I don't know what. exactly it does in these traumatic. experiences. Some people some people. reexperience. them. I don't really reexperience them. I might think about them uh while I'm. there. But it I I think what it does is. I you know you you can get to this point. where they call it an ego death and your.

ego leaps. That's a good thing. It is. but it's if you lose your drive though. it could be bad. I wouldn't say that. So, so I did when I did the Ibegan. experience that that was one thing and. basically it it it that was like brain. maintenance. And then I did this other. thing that's like a 12-hour thing. And. then I did this other thing called 5 M O. DMT. It's a toad venom that you. smoke and it's a it's a death.

experience. You die like in your. mind if you allow it to. A lot of people fight. it and that's. terrifying. In the first I don't know 15. to 30. secondsish you are. 100% certain in your mind that you are. going to die and you will fight that.

with every I mean you will fight it and. then it's the most anxiety it's the most. fear it is the most horrible that's it's. the most horrible 15 to 30 seconds of. your life because every when I say an. ego death I mean you're letting ev. everything go fast or slow this 15 it. goes it. seems I don't know how to describe that. it's almost like time isn't a thing okay.

um but first you feel like you're going. to die and then all these thoughts all. of your attachments to earth or or the. world that we live in now start coming. into place. So for me it was like, okay, I'm going to die. This is scary. Scary. as [ __ ] But all right. And but then. it's, oh [ __ ] I'm leaving my son. behind. I'm leaving my wife behind. Who's going to take care of them? And.

and and you're having these. conversations that that these. conversations in your head that are. going in like milliseconds, you know, like full conversations that are like. milliseconds. And by that and that's. that's like for me that's the last part. of my ego. I I. am. comfortable with. death. I am not comfortable. with leaving my wife and my kids behind.

without a provider. Does that make sense? Total sense. And. so you let that you eventually if you. want to do the crossover thing which is. the the bliss part of. this you have to let that go and and. like I said you you are 100% sure that. you're dying and then you do this. crossover and that's that's where it. seems like it's like this spiritual.

realm. It's. like it's like a sixth. sense. You are. just so intuitive. Mhm. With. with it just seems like a spiritual. world, man. You can feel the presence of. maybe people that have passed. You can. feel the presence of God.

You can feel this. energy. But anyways, it's it is the most. healing thing I have ever done. Yeah, I don't have the objective d like. to make a like a definitive answer on. it, but it sounds like such a sacred. experience. and putting everything in perspective. like you said it starts with death and. pretty much from there it's like okay. well I've died so can't get much worse. than that and so everything else falls. into line. Earlier I was talking about. this whole thing of momento mory like. remember your death. It's the exact same.

principle like we would pray or go on a. retreat or something like that and you. could come to one of these points. This. is like a a med medicinal way to come to. that same point. Um, and so I. think, you know, I can't make the. definitive answer, but I think there. could be an argument in the future once. we get more information or more data on. it to to where we could say there there. may be a place for it, you know, in. people's daily life. I don't know if. you'd want to do it daily once or. whatever, but uh there could be a place.

for it. Um to take us to that point of putting. everything in perspective cuz I'm. thinking like um when someone's sick, they take medicine to get better. physically, right? Whereas, you know, could say, well, if they were just. healthy, if they ate healthy and worked. out before, they may not have gotten. sick. But you get to a point where, okay, you need medicine to break this. sick cycle. Mhm. Like psychologically, it sounds like the exact same thing. happening. Like it's just you're you're. it's a it's in this. um I think you mentioned it like that.

like just this this circuit that's just. network. Yeah. And so like a. defibrillator like it's um. it stops the heart so that then it can. go back into rhythm and everything. That's you know we would do that. physically for the body with the heart. with medicines. So I think there could. be a place for this in the future. I. mean I I don't know. I mean I'm not I'm. not trying to like push this on you or. anything. I just I'm curious. I want I. want to learn more. I just don't, you. know, it's it's. it's so kind of what I'm getting at is. it would it might take you back to the.

to the accident. Yeah. But it would it. would remove your ego and the attachment. to your it would potentially I'm not. saying this is what would happen, but it. would potentially remove your ego from. that day and and it would shift your. perspective into a way that that you can. look at it from. from an angle where you're completely. detached emotionally from the situation.

and it makes it in a weird [ __ ] up. way. It makes it okay and it brings it. brings like this certain understanding. as to why it happened or it's okay that. it happened. It was supposed to happen. everything that has happened to you is. is is what was it was what was supposed. to happen. Yeah. And um it brings like a.

it brings like a certain piece to things. like that. At least it does for me and. it does for a lot of my friends. You. know, the argument is I mean I and some. very good friends of mine think this. uh who are. also seals who've seen the benefits that. it does and and some of them say it's. spiritual suicide. Some people say it. that that that this is the this is the. forbidden fruit that Adam and Eve ate. Wow. That what cuz what did they say? It.

was like it gave them a certain. knowledge. Mhm. Or something. Well, I. mean, that's kind of maybe what I'm. describing. I don't know. I struggle. with it. Yeah. But I, you know, I I'm. like, is this good? I mean, I feel like. it's good. It's doing a lot of good. things. I don't think God would have put. it here if it weren't It's natural. It's. a natural occurring substance that that. grows in fungus. Mhm. I mean, or or the. root of a tree. I don't know why. And. then there's other people that say that,

you know, some of the prophets, there's. there's parts in the Bible where they. talk about, you. know, I don't know it. Uh but I've heard. people say, you know, that that that's. maybe uh the burning bush. He ate. something before he saw that and and. kind of open the mind up to be able I. keep mentioning it's it's it's almost. like another realm. And I don't know. I. don't know what to think of it. That's. kind of what I'm I'm more curious on. your thoughts of of the spiritual side.

of it and less on the less on the the. studies. The studies are there. Yeah. On. the spiritual side, man, I. if I'm in doubt, I I don't mess with it. Like it's, you know, I'd hate to playing. like Russian roulette, you know, you'd. hate to you hate to get the bullet, you. know? It's like, well, you may you may. get a bunch of clicks, but if you get. the bang, then you're screwed. And this. so this could be the similar thing like. man maybe not but at at this point in.

the future it may be different but at. this point like there's just no. definitive answer of saying yes it is. demonic or no it's not. So so therefore. like my my advice on that is always like. just go in with caution. I'm not saying. do it or don't have it. I'm just saying. like just with caution and prudence. But. yeah I'm really curious about it though. What do you think about Have you ever. heard of remote viewing? Like on a remote viewing like on a. computer screen or something? No. No. Remote viewing is.

uh it's it's almost like psychic type. stuff. It is psychic like stuff. Yeah. You ever seen like the the TV show where. the the guy's like thinking and he's. like, "Oh, it happened over in the room. over there and it was with a pair of. scissors and. he threw it in the dumpster." Yeah. And. they go in the dumpster like, "Holy. [ __ ] here's the scissors with the blood. on it." That's kind of like what remote. viewing is. And I've So that's a real. thing. And.

um like documented. It's real. I mean, see, I use these. It's called Project. Stargate. And uh it's a fascinating. subject. I've had a lot of the those. type people on and and um handful of. them. And and once again, it's like, is. it demonic? I don't know. I. mean, the Christian crowd sure as hell. doesn't like it. I get blasted every. time I talk about it. But. um you I guess if you haven't heard from.

it, you don't have an opinion on it. Yeah. No. Anyways, let's get back to Sir School. So, you went to Sir School? Yeah. Finished basic, went to Seir School. I. didn't even make it to the whole course. I was just doing the endoc before they. send you off to Seattle or wherever the. training, you know, somewhere in. Washington State. Um, Fairchild, is that. Alaska? It doesn't matter. So, uh, before they send you off to the to the. actual school, which is about a year and. a half for that, it's a long training. You have a INDOT course. sort of like um.

buds, you know, it's not that long. Um. but it's just two weeks of getting. kicked in the face. So started that and. uh got to the second to last day. Um I. got got washed out. It's for multiple. demerits. Just it was really deflating. So I was really excited about it. I was. physically strong, ready to go, but. mentally I wasn't strong enough. Not. because I was trying to be weak, but. because I hadn't I just hadn't gone to. that spot mentally before, like to that. dark of a spot. I mean, I grew up with. some dark stuff, but they were all kind of exterior.

things. Uh, but that internal drive to. push into the point of to the point of. discomfort. Um, even though I worked. hard my whole life and I still do, like. at that time, I didn't understand what. it meant to like to push a little bit. deeper, go past the point of comfort. Um, it's got multiple demar like, you. know, for example, we had to one night. we had to make tent stakes. I don't know. it's like for buds but you do you're. doing PT all day long and then they give. us projects to do at night so. uh you're getting sleep deprived you.

know so you're or if you do sleep you'll. come refreshed but you're you don't you. didn't get your work done so there you. know it's you're you're going to pay for. it somehow so one night we had to make. tent stakes and I didn't make them long. enough I think they had to be like 16 in. long or some of mine were 14 and 15 so. that I had a shovel one of my shovels. was had dirt on it for the morning. inspection So that was another one. We. had to make uh sleeping bags out of. pieces of parachute. We had to, you. know, sew it up at night. Had to have. six to eight stitches per inch. Uh and.

if there was more or less, it would be. another demerit. And so I had some spots. on there where it was um you know, it. didn't meet that criteria. And it sucked. because so if you had this little window. of stitches, let's say I had 10 of them. in this inch space and I was only. supposed to have eight. U they would. measure it and say, "Oh, you got 10.". And then they would go like every little. stitch in that inch and count another. stitch and say, "Oh, you got 10 demerits. on this." Whatever. So that. um what else was I think I think those. were it the shovel, the sewing. So where.

did you go? Where did you go when you. left? Um got reclass into another job. We It. took maybe You went to Iraq. Yeah. So. after that had to wait two weeks to get. another job. Uh no, it was about 3. weeks. You just put it on cleaning. detail until they put you in another. school. So that I did logistics. They. put me in a um a school to learn. logistic planning. So people and stuff. had to move it. Uh did cargo most of. that time was was cargo movement which. is really fun. The that time in the.

middle after I got washed out of Seir um. which sucked, man. But it was a good. kick in the face because I I wanted to. do it so so bad and I thought that I was. prepared for it. But it was it broke me. in a good way because now it's one of. the things I took out of that was like. the need to like dig even deeper, be. more alert, pay more attention, get put. in that logistics job while we're. waiting. We're just cleaning every day. You probably remember that. Like I mean. like like if you don't just sit around. and do nothing, they make you do.

something. So we had to clean every day. the same barracks over and over and. over. But dude, idle time is like a bad. thing when it comes to the troops. Like. you can just do some dumb stuff. like. you don't need uh booze or or drugs if. it's just a bunch of, you know, meatheads together. We would uh uh like. overnight we'd stay up all night just. being dumb asses. We would do like. demolition derby. We'd put guys on. office chairs and one on one end of the. hallway, one on the other, and just. you'd run them and crash men each other. Just stupid stuff like that. One guy had.

a bowling ball one day and uh I don't. know where the hell he got a bowling. ball from, but it was in the dorms and. so the guys were just rolling it up and. down the hallway. So I picked it up my. time and I threw it and they all got out. of the way and it hit the emergency exit. and the fire alarm went off. So I had to. call them and like make up a story like. I was talking to my mom and I leaned. against the door, set it off. Scared, man. Um did logistics, did that training. that was down in Lackland. I got. assigned uh to Rammstein Air Base in. Germany. That was cool.

Um, that was. the that was my first time out in the. real world, you know, growing up. I was. always in the family, then the military, they're always watching it. But at. Rammstein, I was I was like on my own, you know. Of course, you got the base, got your work, but I was making. decisions on my own. And that was one of. the first times I really feel some. autonomy and. uh like making free choices for myself. Um, people are big advocates of that. And that's good. we do need to make our. own choices, but sometimes it's to the.

detriment of family and community life. Like, so growing up, the family was so. close. Um, I didn't have a lot of. freedoms because, well, this is what the. family's doing, so that's what you're. going to do. Um, and it sucked as a kid, but one of the good things that it. taught me is like how to be a team. player. There's a lot of be there's. going to be a lot of stuff in life that. you're not going to want to do, but you. got to do it because that's what love. requires. So, just do it, you know. Um, so then in the military, Germany, I get. that freedom. It was really cool. Just. right out of training, I got a car and I.

did. um quality control when people were. PCSing. I would go and be the liazison. between the German moving company and. the troops just to make sure everything. was was going well. That was cool. Got. to drive all over Germany, meet all. kinds of people from E1s to, you know, OTNs and everything in. between. So that was fun. That gave me a. lot of time alone, a lot of time in the. car. I'd pray just drive in silence just. think you know God really started. working on me then um.

how silence I just shut the hell up and. then like 444 I became aware of all. these little bitty things around me and. it would be little little affirmations I. can't even think of a concrete example. right now but it was just peace I. experienced a peace you shut the chaos. off around you and and my soul could. breathe a little bit and uh and I I fell. in in love with that. So, I wanted to do. it more and more and more. I spend more. time in silence and. um eventually got transferred out of.

that into the cargo side of of this this. office. And that was a lot of fun. I. really enjoyed that cuz I drove a big. forklift every day. Worked in the. warehouse. We we were knuckleheads. We. there's a big tire that we were shipping. one day. My dumb ass got into it and. convinced my the other guys to roll me. around the warehouse. I was rolling. around. the chief comes out just chews. us out. So, um it was one of those. things where like he could like we were. good troops. We worked hard but we just. did just did that stuff. So, he he.

yelled at us but he wasn't too mad. I. remember one time we uh this kind of guy. chief was like um I got in a box and he. called this emergency meeting for the. whole flight and they all came down. I. was in this cargo box. No, you know, nobody knew he did. And u so in the. middle of his briefing I I jumped out. and scared everybody. That was kind of. fun. We would um sometimes we would have. cargo to take to the to the airport and. uh it would be like we'd have to take it. on the forklift and it's one of these. big center pivot you know 10 10k.

10,000lb forklift. So we drive across. the base to drop the cargo off but me. and my buddies we would have a. competition to see who could take the. longest route back. So we would be. driving back to the housing area of the. base on the the big forklift. Nice. Just. doing stuff. Yeah. So so that was fun. While I was in that cargo unit, that's. when I deployed. I was at Balad Air. Base. It was smaller compound on. Anaconda, LSA Anaconda, Bad Iraq. Um, huge base, basically the logistic hub.

You you you may have passed through. there. I'm sure you did. Um, uh, that was fun. That was one of the. funnest times of my life. Like I wasn't. I wasn't kicking indoors. So in that way. I was like like I was blessed you know. uh cuz that's a that's a a big thing to. carry you know and and that you know. being out there. That being said man. rockets and mortars were coming in every. single day. I remember the one day I. walked out of the office you we got. those the concrete like walls or.

barriers or whatever that around all the. buildings and stuff and I come out the. front door of the office and right there. beside the door is a is a bullet. You. know it hit the concrete. you know, it's. not a big deal, but for me as a, you. know, 19-year-old kid, I see that bullet. for the first time and I'm like, "Oh, wow." Like, this is real, real stuff, you know, and then so many of our guys. are experiencing that, you know, 19. years old. I'm preaching choir, you, you. know, most of the people listening, they. they get it. I think most of society. doesn't, though, and I think that's.

it. Um, I had a great experience in the. military up to the day I left. I loved. it. But one thing I'm really frustrated. with is like the way that a lot of. veterans are treated. I mean 19, 20, 25. year olds, the brain is still being formed and the. stuff that they're they're doing and. they're doing it proudly and they do a. good job and. then they'll get their their discharge. dishonor or or honorable discharge, you. know, finish their enlistment or. whatever. And and that's kind of like,

well, you're on your own now. I mean, like the the addictions and so many. veterans, just the struggles that they. have, it's kind of like a lot of. promises fed fed to them that aren't. delivered after the fact. Like, that. kind of frustrates me. So, like the. bullet that I find doesn't compare at. all to to to like what so many other. guys and girls have done, you know? I remember uh watching an 18-year-old. kid kill his first.

man and cheering him. on. But we all wanted to kill over. there. But I. said, I've never been in that position. in ministry. I've been with a lot of. people who have been in that position. Not either whether it be military troops.

or murderers, you know, in prisons or. murderers who are, you know, maybe not. caught yet even. Um, but this in the military, I think. it's a different, you know, you. mentioned cheering them on, like it's I. think a lot of people don't understand. that like what that means. Um, it's. something that is done for duty for duty. sake. And there's like not. a I don't I'm not in the situation. But. I really don't think there's like a lot. of joy in.

like like the individual life that was. taken like the person, you know, the the. name, but more so like the actions that. have been stopped that they were doing, you know, and that's I think a lot of. people miss that distinction. Um it's no small. thing. Uh yeah. So yeah, so it was over there in Iraq. It was it was it it was it was a good. experience for me and I don't take it. lightly. We were shot at a lot but again.

what I went through doesn't compare at. all anything that other guys and so it's. just like a walk in the park. Um. but like when it came to work it was. just we didn't stop. It was just. logistics moving stuff all day long. And. so those that was a neat experience but. then also to support support you guys. like the ones that were were out there. I mean, cuz we would get all the cargo. came through our office and we would get. if a shipment came and it was wrapped in. all black plastic. We knew like it went.

to the the guys that didn't like that. didn't have a name like it guys across. the flight. Well, it was y'all, you. know, the the different spec special ops. guys and um like they would come in and. there was no questions asked. Like you. you just call them say, "Hey, we got a. package." They would come over and and. get it. Like it was it was you know. mission critical stuff. Um, a lot of it. was like really big intense stuff. Um, you know, weapons of different s. sorts, gear. I remember one time though,

like we got this big [ __ ] man. And, um, I was wondering, I was like, "What is in. there?" Like, I'm curious. I was always. wondering. They bring the big flatbed. truck over and they we load it all up. and then uh all the guys climb onto the. trailer, start cutting open the boxes. and it was it was like a it was pallets. of gummy bears and u. and wasn't chocolates but it was a bunch. of candy and uh they just drove all over. the base just like Christmas stuff and I. was like you got to be kidding me. But.

it was a lot of fun. Um so yeah I was. over there that was 07. It was just one. short deployment. Yeah. Um, I want to go back to Iraq. Not You. want to go back to Iraq? Not Not for the. sake of war, but. like I just love I love pe I want to. hear people's story. here. We may get into this a little bit. later, but this puts it in perspective. like so when I later on, you know, years. down the road when I'm in seminary in. Rome, um I had a classmate who was.

living just miles from the base where I. was at over there. He was a Calaldian. Catholic. I think it was Calaldian um. Catholic. It's, you know, part of the. the Catholic church, one of the the the. the lines in there. but he was from uh. he was from central Iraq. And we're. sitting in class learning about God, talking about putting things in. perspective. Like we're sitting beside. each other when 8 years before like we.

were within miles of each other. Isn't. that wild? That is crazy. It's wild. And. so like when I say I want to go back to. Iraq, it's. like. I I just want to like see people and. like like their lives like the good. people, you know, there's there's some. good ones over there. Like here there's. like the the farmers that had the the. the best fruit I've ever had in my life. was when I when I was in Iraq, the. melon, some cantalopes or watermelon, something. You you Why do you want to go. back though? You want to go back for.

curiosity? You want to you want to go. back to talk to who? See the people? No. one in particular. There's no individual. person that I that I met, but just like. you just want to experience the culture. there. Hear stories. Yeah. And hear. experience the culture. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Do you think you'll. do it? I don't know. I'd be open to it, but I don't know. Probably not. But. yeah. So that was that was 07 quick. deployment. This whole time I'm growing. a lot in my faith and praying a lot more. and this idea of priesthood comes. How.

did the idea of priesthood come? started as just a random idea like when. I would be in the car driving around. doing the quality control stuff or on. the forklift working or in the warehouse. be at the gym be doing other stuff and. out of nowhere you know like this idea. of being a priest would come to my mind. like where'd that come from it's kind of. random and just like wouldn't think much. about it and I go back to what I was. doing and few days later it would happen. again I'm like that's that's kind of. random you know I would be doing I.

wouldn't be doing anything that would. trigger a thought like that it wasn't. like I wasn't reading the Bible. I. wasn't at church or anything. I was, you. know, loading up munitions. I was. driving a forklift, whatever it may be. And then this thought would come and. it's sort of like the whole 444 thing. Like it just happened more and more. often. And I was like, "Oh, okay. I got. to pay attention to this." Once I. started paying more attention, I started. getting more signs, more affirmations. Like one thing, for example, when I was. in Iraq, I went to mass one day. It's. one of the first days I was. there. Finished up mass. There was a guy.

who came, his name was Waqen. And um he. comes up to me after mass. Never met. him. He's never met me. Didn't know each. other. And he didn't say hi. I'm good to. meet you. What's your name? He just came. up and said, "You're thinking about. being a thinking about being a priest, aren't you?" And I was like, "What?". Yeah. Just out of the blue, complete. stranger. And that was that little. things like that, you know, people. making comments. That's not a little. thing. Yeah. It's it's a big thing. Some. random person. Yeah. Wow. What do you think that was? That's.

the Holy Spirit working through. him and uh. Yeah. So, putting all those different. Did that freak you out at Have you Have. you told anybody? Mhm. Yeah. I've shared. it. Shared with No. I mean, have you. told anybody before? Anybody around that. person? No. No. There's no reason why he. would have known it. I just got in. there. I was the only one from my unit. that was deployed at that time to that. to the you know, so everyone else was. new to me. I didn't know anybody. They. didn't know me. And that guy didn't know.

you. Whatever. See, this is what. happened to me in Sedona. Really? Yeah. I'm being They didn't tell me to be a. priest. [Laughter]. They said make gummy bears. This guy No, this guy. So, I b So, this a lot of. stuff was really bothering me. I had I. had a rough slew of interviews that were. some of the heaviest ones I ever did. I. interviewed this guy Tyler Andrew. Vargas. He was blown up at Abby Gate, 24. years old. watch him hobble up my. stairs, one leg, one arm. And um the.

interview before that was this this. hacker Ryan Montgomery who had uncovered. a big. like a big pedophile website and could. have saved tried to save a 12-year-old. girl, but FBI [ __ ] blew him off and. she got gang raped and and. and Yeah. And a really good friend of. mine died here in Franklin that week. God. And it.

was it was uh and and and then all the. the butchering, whatever you want to. call it, the trans stuff with the kids, the this the gender surgeries was like. really bothering me. And so it was like all this stuff. happened at once. Anyways, um I. like I couldn't get the [ __ ] out of my. head. I smoked a joint, told my wife, "Let's.

go for a hike." Tried to get it out. Just tried to like get it out. And um. and I felt like I was like surrendering. I was like, "Sean, why do you even give. a [ __ ] about this stuff? Nobody else. cares. You're the only one to out. speaking out about this stuff." I. wasn't, but that's how I felt. I felt. very alone, like I was the only one that. was trying to fight against a lot of the. [ __ ] that, you know, the the sex. trafficking and the pedophilia and the. gender surgeries that were taking place. for 8-year-old kids and and the state.

taking people's kids if they don't do it. and um from the parents and it was just. like what's happening? And um anyways, I. I I had like gone on this hike and I. kept I I I felt like I was surrendering. I was like, "Why do you even give a [ __ ]. about this anymore? Nobody cares. You're. the only one fighting for this stuff. Like you're the only one speaking out. against it. Just doesn't even affect.

you. Just let it go." Mhm. And uh I felt. like I was like surrendering my soul to. the devil or something. Mhm. But I but. and um I walked through this gate. skate and I'd been there for a week and. um and a lot of the gate guards knew who. knew who I was from my show. They're big. fans. A lot of them prior military du.

and so I would stop and talk to all of. them and and have convers short. conversations. And I walk through, this. is the last night I'm here, and this guy. comes out the guard. check. and and I pay attention to this kind of. stuff, too. Like, who's watching over. the It's this just cuz of what I used to. do. Mhm. This old guy comes. out, starts trying to talk to me. I. don't want to talk to him. I'm obviously. in a [ __ ] mood, right? And um kind of. like talking to him over my shoulder.

like this cuz I don't want to give him. the body language that's like, "Oh, yeah. let's have a full-blown. conversation like, "Hey, leave me alone. I'm not trying to be rude, but leave me. alone." My wife starts talking to him. So then I turn and square up to. him and he he read my mind from front to. back. and was like, "All this stuff with. the all the stuff with China that you're. worried about, that's not your fight. All this stuff with gender stuff that. you're worried about, that's not your.

fight." And it freaked me out. Then he. went through my whole everything that I. was thinking about on that entire hike. and told me that wasn't my fight. I need. to let that [ __ ] go. I don't even. remember the rest of the stuff he had. cuz I was thinking, "Holy [ __ ] how the. [ __ ] is this guy inside my head right. now? I've never even seen this dude. I've been here for a week. I know every. gay guard that's been in here except. this random guy that just comes up." And. um and that was the first I told you I.

got slapped in the face like three. times. That was the first one. So I. mean sounds like you It reminds me of. that. Yeah. What happened to you? Yeah. It's cool. What do you think that is? Is. that an angel? Is that God? What is. that? Yeah. God. You ever seen that. person again? Mhm. Yeah. I've seen him. again. We've been in contact actually. Really? Afterwards. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz this. is the very beginning of the deployment. So, as the deployment went on, we talked. more and, you know, established a. friendship and everything, but he lives.

in Oregon. Well, did you ask him how he. knew that? Um, excuse me. Uh, no. I got. You never asked him how he knew you were. thinking about becoming a priest. He was. a very holy guy, so I knew it was like. the Lord put it on his heart to Was he a. Catholic, too? Uh-huh. Yeah. This was. right after church on one day. One of. the days, first days I went there, I was. I went to mass and he was there. And so. the first words out of his mouth are, "You're thinking about being a priest, aren't you?" Wow. Yeah. You know, I.

think that there's uh this stuff happens. all the time, but we're just not paying. attention to it. We're all in our own. little worlds. God's still working, man. Like, he's all around. We just got to. open our eyes, get out of our little. bubble. We also got to be bold. You. know, we we I think at the very. beginning we talked about boundaries and. saying no. We've talked about it. outside, too. Whenever we say that, whenever we. speak the truth, like God works through. that. So, I I think not only do we need.

to be more aware of how God is working. around us, we need to be aware of how. he's working in us. So, like be bold in. the way we talk. Like, you can say some. stuff that's going to be awkward. It's. going to hurt. it's going to be not. going to be comfortable, but it's what. needs to be said. Um, that's a. terrifying. thing. Um, so yeah, so he that was that. was an example of like all these I say. little things, they're big things, but. they just kept adding up one after.

another. And then uh eventually I. contact the the Dascese of Little Rock, which is where where I live, the. Catholic Church. We got if you think of. it like a. state the geographical region of a group. of churches would be called a dascese. which is what we call it. Um so I. contact the area where I live in Little. Rock and tell them hey I'm interested. you know being a priest. Can I come. visit talk to you guys? So I flew back. and just visited with them went to visit. the seminary and that kind of sealed the. deal. Once I came and met with the with.

the bishop and everything and then. visited the seminaries I was like this. is cool. it as much fun as I was having. in the military, I had so so much fun. You know, I enjoy going back in. It'd be. fun to do it again, you know. Um but um. as much fun as I was having, there was a. different kind of joy that I experienced. whenever I came back for that meeting. It was just like a deeper peace like I. was having fun before, but then I. experienced the peace. Sometimes I I'll. have peace in the fun that I'm having,

but fun or being happy is just a passing. emotion. But the peace and that joy, that's a that's a deeper thing. And uh. and I experienced it and I was like, "Okay, this is it." And I went into. seminary. That was 2008. So no. hesitations. No, not really. I mean once. it once I connected all the little dots. and all the little the little. invitations became the big invitation. from God like I was. like why wait you know get off the pot. you know like okay well God if you're.

this clear with me like why would I why. would I wait like no need to sit around. and say he's he loves me he loves me not. he loves me loves me not like no he's. called you Stephen so go drop my nets. and and win M. is there any hesit was there any. hesitation that you could not have a. intimate relationship with a woman? Mhm. Yeah, it was there. Yeah, definitely. And and and it's so Yeah. So we we don't.

get married. We we give our life. completely to the church. Also part of. that is like intentionally to pre like. to prefigure to live now what life will. be like in heaven. like where we're it's. just us and the Lord like that radical. intimate relationship with the Lord. alone, you know. Um but yeah, no, that thought definitely. went through my mind and it's it's. probably harder now than it was. then. I don't mean hard like in a way. that's creating a crisis, but like all. of my buddies have kids and kids and.

stuff, you know? And so like I I'll see. them and in part of my brain I'll think. like what would it be like to have a. wife and kids, you know? It's never in a. way where I'm thinking like, oh, I want. to go find a wife, you know, I want to. go make babies or something, but it's. just like it's written on the heart. It's it's we were made for that, which. is why like the desire is there. So it's. good. Um yeah. So yeah, that's your question. It definitely. came, but you know, it'll still come.

But the same it's kind of like any other. commitment like if someone is once they. get married or something like they they. say their ideas do it doesn't mean you. stop seeing beautiful women like with a. man or for the ladies it doesn't mean. that she won't see other handsome guys. but like you can it's like wow like. she's pretty like he's a handsome guy. but but the commitments's been made. So. that's kind of what it's like for me. now. like I've made the commitments and. there's a lot of freedom in that. There's a lot of freedom. So, while I. may see a pretty lady or something or. see a family and think, "Oh, I wonder. what it'd be like to be a family," it.

doesn't register as an option because. it's not. It would be the same if if I. was married and then saw other beautiful. women like, "Well, no, I already made my. free yes to her." Interesting. Yeah. What was uh what was seminary school. like? That was some of the best years of. my life. My whole life has been fun. It's been a kick in the face every day. What's the What's the average age of the. of the student body? Yeah. So, we were. some guys were 18 right out of high. school. Some guys 18. Yeah. Right out of.

high school. Yeah. Just going straight. into seminary. Some guys like me, you. know, early 20s. It's in the military. But, as you know, I mean, it doesn't. matter what job you do. Like, you grow. up fast in the military. So, you know, a. lot of life experience there in the. military. Um, up. to 40s. Some guys in their early 40s. uh. late 30s there. Every now and then. you'll get some guys that are older in. their 50s or something will go to. seminary, but most of the guys were. between I'd say 18 out of high school up.

to late 30s. So, it's an 8-year. process. Um four years of philosophy and. four years of theology. I did my my. philosophy in Louisiana. You read that. at the beginning. It was at St. Joseph. Seminary um in Coington, Louisiana with. the Benedicting monks. Um, that was a cool. place. Cinjun country. Have you been to. L southern Louisiana? Only once. Some. cool people. There's some fishing down. there. Yeah, that's fun. I went.

alligator hunting there a year ago. You. need to go. It's so fun. How do you. alligator hunt? Uh, I use my bow. You. put an arrow like at the base of their. skull or a pistol. You can use a pistol. if you want. Man, that's pretty cool. Those things are mean. They're like they. have they just wake up pissed. They're dinosaurs. But yeah, so southern. Louis that's where Theo Von's from. He's. from southern Louisiana. He like I think. from Mand Mandavville or Covington,

Louisiana, but that's where the seminary. was. I didn't know him. He just Yeah. So. we were talking about him earlier. He. seems like a cool dude. Um he is a cool. dude. Maybe we'll all Let's all go alligator. hunting together. Let's do it. That. would be fun. um down there with the Benedicting. monks, you know, so cool. They had this. big old monastery. Um you know, they're. walking around in their black robes and. everything. We would just wear, you. know, we had a uniform like suits. We.

would wear a suit every day to class. Um. but that was fun, man. Studying. philosophy was fun. I fell in love with. education. I fell in love with learning. Um, so it's fun to study the philosophy, fun to be with those guys, but it was. fun to be at that place. You know, the. with the monks, the motto for the. Benedictans is is um aura at labbora, pray and work. And um that was really. ingrained into me growing up and and. there it was really clarified just work. and pray, work and pray. If you do that,

like God will provide. So bust your ass. and do everything you can to stay holy, to be holy, and like work hard and tow. the line. Like it makes sense, you know? It makes sense. And there's a lot of. freedom in that. Then you don't get lost. in this other other stuff. One of the. um good people, too. Most of the guys. there were from Louisiana, Arkansas, Texas, Alabama, Georgia, just good old. boys. A bunch of farm boys and stuff. We. would do a uh every year we'd have a big.

football game around Thanksgiving and um. we would have a big bonfire and that was. always a lot of fun. I made a I was in. charge of building the bonfire. Me and a. buddy of mine, Brian Phillips, he's a. priest in Austin, Texas. We were in. charge of building it every year. We'd. rent up we we go out, scout for trees, cut the trees down, haul the wood up, and then start building it. The last. year we did it was 33 ft tall. It's 20. by 20 foot, 33 ft tall. Massive ice, dude. So, so the day starts, we have we. have mass. All of us have mass together.

at midday. Then we go out and play a. football game. Uh, and then after that, we just have a big meal and light the. fire. It's really cool. Um, the seniors. are the ones that light the fire. We all. go out. The seniors when you're senior, you everyone marches out in this line. with these big torches and then you put. it in and just hang out until till the. next morning. What do you learn the history of the. Catholic Church? Yeah. Yeah. Where did.

it start? Uh we believe with Peter, right? Peter and the disciples. Yeah. So. with Jesus. Christ, the short answer. Can you go. into the long answer? Yeah. Yeah. Um so. the. uh the beautiful thing about the ch the. the the Catholic Church is is the. important thing that we really focus on. is um apostolic succession meaning like. coming from the apostles. So Jesus.

comes, he loved everyone. He healed. everyone, but he also called a very. specific group of people to follow him, to learn from him, and then to continue. the mission that he started. And he gave. them gifts, anointing, to continue all. the things that he did. That's the, you. know, the apostles, the 12 disciples. Um, and then, but we've got, you know, we can follow apostolic succession from. Christ to St. Peter through all the.

popes up to Pope Francis right now. So. we got the the genealogy of it. Am I. saying that all of them are good? No. We're like corrupt times in the church. That doesn't take away from the fact. that um people can be corrupt while the. institution still maintains its dignity. And so although um you know we've had. some good popes, we've had some bad. popes, we've had good Christians and. good and bad Christians, you know, everything in between. So it comes back to apostolic. succession, you know, just that line of.

popes and then the people who are So. Peter was the first pope the apostle. Yeah. Yeah. And then now like apostolic union. uh it's like the connection to the holy. father and uh not so much him we don't. worship him but we recognize him as the. father figure of the church who he. followed pope Benedict who followed John. Paul II who' followed uh John Paul the 1. and then uh Paul the 6th and then John.

the 23rd and all the way back uh and so. that's we go back to that to the lineage. of of the pope popes and then under them. would be all the bishops uh who are in. communion with the pope and then under. the popes or the bishops would be all. the priests who take care of all the. faithful around the world. There's not. every every square inch of the world is. delegated to some Catholic dascese which. is kind of cool. Interesting. Yeah. It's.

like for the the sake of salvation of. the souls. Like there's somebody. spiritually designated to somebody. designated to have spiritual authority. over every soul um on this earth. So. although there's 10,000 people in my. parish, I am a pastor of a general area. My parish is not just my church. My. parish is the whole area, the whole. geographical area where I'm at. So I'm. of course responsible for. taking responsible for taking care of. the the Catholics at the church, but.

also every other soul that lives in my. area. Whenever I die and I meet the. Lord, one of the things that I've got to. answer is like, how did I serve all the. sheep in my in my area? And so it's like. this spiritual authority. We pray and. make sacrifices for them and try to. bring them to Jesus Christ. So interesting. Yeah, that was one of the things that. really opened my eyes up to the. universality of the church. That's. that's a big thing. Catholic in the. small C like the big ca capital Catholic.

refers to like the Catholic church. But. um means universal it's like worldwide. you say that and you know but what does. that mean? Uh my theology after finished. seminary in Louisiana went to Rome. I. was in Rome for 4 years which is a. phenomenal experience and I really had a. universal experience or an experience of. the universal church people from all. over the world. Um I did my graduate. studies in theology at the Gregorian. University. It's the a university that.

was founded in 1551 by St. Ignatius of. Lyola. So to go to a seminary that's you. know that old 500 years old Wow was like. really cool. And the people in my class. there's around 120 students, men and. women from all over the world. As I. mentioned earlier, like the the. classmate, one of my classmates was from. from Iraq, just miles, we were miles. apart and then we were sitting inches. apart a little bit later. Uh, and like. little things like that. I keep saying. little things, that's a very big thing.

But it's those things that really shows. the greatness of our of our God and like. the plan of all this. It's there's so. much so much to unpack, you know. It's a. big deal. When did. the So the so the first pope was Peter. the Apostle? Mhm. When did the when did the Bible come in? Um.

so like the cannon as we have it that's. what that's what we would call it the. cannon of scriptures. It's like one of. the official books of the Bible. It. wasn't until around probably the the 3. and 400s. Christianity wasn't legalized. until. 3:13. Um, so even before then it was. illegal to be a Christian. So they were. killing people left and right. They. didn't even have the Bible before then. So was around the three and uh really. into the 400s, not until the 400s that. the actual cannon of scripture as we. have it now was was established. Um and.

so that in itself points out like. apostolic succession. You know a lot of. people talk about just scripture only. like yeah of course we need the. scripture but I can't make the only. thing because like that was the fruit of. the community's relationship with God. and so that would that calls in. tradition. So script Catholics for our. authority we don't just refer to the. Bible we also refer to or make reference. to tradition as well. scripture and. tradition is is is how we um you know.

where we go to for. authority. Um. so yeah, so the Bible. 400s. So does the Bible mention the Catholic. Church at all? No, there's no reference to any of them. There wasn't there really wasn't an. understanding of the Catholic Church as. it is now. I mean like there was but it. wasn't until the Protestant Reformation. that there were there were other sects.

that that that then broke off you know. Protestantism than all the different. churches that that flew out of. Protestantism. Okay. Yeah. So up until. then like if you were a Christian you. were Catholic. Okay. Yeah. And even Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Up until the 1500s. So it was you were. if you were a Christian that's that's. what you were. Yeah. So, I. mean, one of the one of the big. questions I have about the Catholic. Church is is kind of like the.

middleman. And, you. know, I'm no biblical scholar, so it's. just it's just questions. But, um, you know, when Jesus roam the. earth, it seemed like everybody had. direct line into him. He didn't really. have to go through anybody. And it. seemed to me that it was preaching that. everybody has a direct relationship with. God. Mhm. And.

so in in everything seemed very against. the Pharisees. Mhm. Right. Which is a. which is what a like a rank structure. of humans to God. Correct. Would that be. Yeah. Fair to say. And. so it seems like to. me it's very similar to the Catholic. Church, the Pharisees. Yes. Okay. Am I wrong? I.

would ar Yeah, I would I would say so. I. would argue against that. So I would. agree we do need a direct relationship. with Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ died and. rose from the dead. How do we have that. physical relationship with Jesus Christ. now? It's through the church that he. established. the church that he. established and instituted with the. apostles that he gave all authority to. continue the ministry that he did to. carry on the preaching of the the good. news salvation eternal life through him. only through him. So how do we maintain.

this physical relationship with Jesus. Christ? It's through the church that he. established in particular through the. sacraments that are administered through. that church. So whenever the Catholic. Church one of the things that we we talk. about all the time and it's it's our the. meat and potatoes. It's what it is. It's. the sacraments. So, um, to celebrate the sacraments, to. celebrate the Eucharist, for example, you have to be a validly ordained. priest. A priest that was validly. ordained. by a a valid bishop who is in communion.

with the pope and he would be in. communion with all the popes before him, which take us back to the lineage of. back to on the line back to Jesus. Christ. So, what he handed on, they. handed on. Jesus walked and talked with. the. apostles, spent time with them, touched. them. They called their successors, spent time with them, walked with them, put their hands on them for the for the. anoint for the ordinations. That's. continued for all the ordinations to the. priesthood and episcopacy to be a bishop.

to now. All validly ordained bishops. have been consecrated by a bishop that. came before them. All priests are. validly ordained by a a bishop that was. validly ordained. And so there's an. actual physical touch like when the. bishop put his hands on my head and. anointed my hands at ordination. There's. an actual concrete physical touch that. like one hand to the next 2,000 years. That's pretty cool. And so how do we. have this personal relationship with. Jesus Christ? Yeah, we can talk to the.

Lord in prayer, but that's a spiritual. relationship with with him. If. you're earlier we talked about like. going to the mountains and how that'd be. hard for you to go for a week. You know, you you mentioned getting away from. work, but I think more than that, I. don't think you want to be away from. your wife and your kids for more than a. week. You want to be with them. So, if. you were around the. world, you could call her every day. You. could do FaceTime with your kids, but. it's not like walking through that door. and picking them up and hugging. There's. there has to be physical touch, which is.

why God became man. like because to to. to save us. completely. God's not he's not removed. from this experience that we have. Um. it's a it's a physical thing. It's raw, man. It's raw, which makes it so real, which it goes back to the question that. Brian had at the beginning. Yeah, you're. mad at God. Okay, be mad at God. Like, let him have it. Like, he it's only in. reality that we encounter God, which. includes everything that we live day in. and day out. So for me, like that's one of the most.

convicting things of the church. I mean, yeah, I've studied all the theology, you. know, it's just there's so much there. I. can I remember a lot of it. What I don't. remember, I can easily look up. But like. the reason I'm sticking with it is cuz. it's so damn real. There's a physical. touch to Jesus Christ through this faith. that I'm living. We can What's the. physical touch? Through the sacraments. And the sacraments, Jesus Christ is. truly present in the sacraments. the. sacraments, those celebrations or those. rituals that we'll do in which Jesus.

Christ becomes truly present in a. supernatural and sacred way. It's like. the Holy Eucharist. Um we believe and we. live around the fact that that's the the. body and blood, the soul and divinity of. Jesus Christ. Okay? And it's. um the Eucharist is only can only be. celebrated again through a priest who's. been ordained. you know that the whole. line that I pointed out a second ago. um can't be just be Joe Schmo that does. it you know it's got to be someone who.

is in communion with the church so. that's the kind of the tradition element. like it's handed on you I don't know if. that makes sense but what are all the. sacraments you got seven of them first. is baptism that's what cleans washes us. of original sin makes us beloved sons. and daughters of God we're no longer. just a creature of God but. a son and daughter that's greatly loved, welcome into his. family. After that, you've got the you. if you take the sacraments of. initiation, you got baptism, you got the.

holy eucharist, which is the body and. blood of Christ. We just talked about. that John 6, you know, it's we we can go. and read about that. Um the bread of. life discourse, Jesus says over and over. and over, I am the bread of life. Unless. you eat my flesh and drink my blood, you. have no life in you. like. he at no point does he say I'm just the. image of of you know the bread and the. wine is an image of me. He says I am the. bread of life unless you eat my flesh. and drink my blood you have no no life. in you. And so like what he handed on.

was the Eucharist in that in that um. Paul speaks of that take this this is my. body take this is this is my blood take. and eat take and drink. Um so it would. be asinine for Jesus to say you have no. life in me unless you eat my flesh and. drink my blood. He doesn't make that. possible. So we got the Eucharist. That's the second one. The third one is. the is confirmation. So where we receive. the the fullness of the gifts of the. Holy Spirit. Um and baptism we receive. God's God's love, God's, you know, life.

in in the father. But confirmation is. kind of like what what really opens up. the full use of those sacraments. It's. like having a bunch of firearms. You get. them at. baptism, but then after after all your. training, then you know how to actually. shoot them. You know how to use them. So. confirmation is is that supernatural. sacrament that God gives us to unlock. all those, you know, the magazines he. gives us. So to to actually use the the. weapons, you know. So then you have so.

you have the sacrament of reconciliation. uh through which our sins are forgiven. There's a lot of people argue with this. one or say like, well, I can just go to. God and tell God I'm sorry. Like, yeah, you can. You should. We should do that. every night. But our sins also have a. communal effect. No sin that we commit. is just between me and God because we. are people of community. There is. necessarily. uh like the healing for any wrong that. we do. Sin must have a communal element. to it because it affects the community.

And so that's where that's where the. sacment of reconciliation comes in where. uh on behalf of Jesus Christ like the. the priest speaks those words of. forgiveness of absolution I absolve you. in the name of the father son holy. spirit you know so it's it the very. minister of god's. sacraments in the name of Christ on. behalf of the community like grants that. that pardon for the communal elements. So that's the sacrament of. reconciliation. Um we got the sacrament. of anointing of the sick. So whenever.

people are sick physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, there's an. anointing that an anointing that we'll. give them with some sacred oils, pray. some prayers over them. James talks. about that letter James. um of sending the elders to anoint them. with oil to the sick. And what that does. is allows us to unite our suffering to. the cross of Christ. It gives meaning to. it. So you're not just suffering, you. know, depression or physical ailment or. whatever, but now through that.

suffering, you're united to Christ. So. therefore, your suffering is saving. souls. Like it's it's a prayer that's. offered up to God. You're united to the. pains of Christ on the cross, and he. works through that for the sake of. sanctifying the world. So then you. become you don't become a burden to. society. You become a a beacon of hope. and a blessing through which the Lord. comes through your brokenness. That's. anointing of the sick. Then the the last. two and this isn't they're not in order. numerical order like this but the last. two I'd mentioned would be the. sacraments of marriage or holy orders.

or what holy orders priesthood. Oh okay. Yeah. So um both of those are sacraments. of a vocation or calling. What they do. is commit us. to to a way of life. It makes us gives. us a vow. Um, and. so we all have free will and God wants. us to love most fully with that. And the. best way to love is to love perfectly, which would be a love till. death.

And a civil contract does not bind that. You know, there there is a binding. element within that, but it's through. the sacrament that it becomes a. supernatural supernaturally bound vow. Okay. So husband and wife for example or. a priest I guess you know till death do. his part kind of thing. So the. sacraments you mentioned through all. those, this is going to bring it back to. how this started was like that allows us. to have a true actual physical contact.

with Christ because in in all of those. we receive Christ himself. um in a very distinct way through the. baptism, the anointing of the sick, through. confirmation, through the holy orders, priesthood and and ordination. But. there's an interesting thing with the. Eucharist. These other ones you receive. it once and it's like a a something that. happened kind of like it unlocks God's. grace in those moment then you move. forward with the eukarist the presence. remains in the bread the presence.

remains in the wine it's been. consecrated becomes the body and blood. of Christ which is why all churches. Catholic churches keep a tabernacle. where we keep the the Eucharist kept. like a lock and key because it's a. sacred thing we don't want people to you. know do anything with it you know um. anything sacriiggious with it or. anything like that. um that presence remains and uh yeah. interesting. sacraments. So when somebody wants.

forgiveness, why do they have to go. through a priest to get that. forgiveness? Good question. Um it would. be what I referenced earlier the. um for the one for the communal element. like the the sin that's been done is it. affects the whole family even if it's a. private sin. Um but then also just the. shity of of hearing the forgiveness of. of knowing that it's that the Lord's. forgiven forgiven us.

and wish I could explain it better. uh in that regard. Do you think God forgives if. they are truly sorry and they don't go. through a priest? Yeah. Nothing prevents God from. forgiving us. then like how would you know though? Like that's that's a very simple answer.

and it's not like I'm not trying to make. a copout answer or something but. like what's the shy of it that it's been. forgiven? You know, we can pray it and. we can believe it. Like, how do we know. it? Of course, we can have faith that. we're forgiven, but what's the actual. physical. guarantee? I guess to bring it back to. the flesh. What's the actual physical. guarantee that's been forgiven? Cuz you. can pray about it and it still kind of. will linger in your head like, you know, what if I wasn't or maybe, you know, but. through the words of the priest, like.

we're physically forgiven cuz God comes. to like he wants to save all of us, not. just our soul. Like he wants to save at. the end of end of time we'll we'll be. raised up body and soul. But aren't we. already free from I mean aren't we. already forgiven before we even commit. him? I mean that's isn't that the whole. reason that Jesus died on the cross? Yeah, but we still have free will, too. So we we're still capable of messing up. again. That's the the the mystery of. salvation on the cross. Like it's one. definitive moment when we're all. forgiven. It's been done.

It was a concrete moment in space and. time 2,000 years. ago. It's also a supernatural reality. that's still being played out every. every moment. We are being forgiven. Like the very fact that we're being held. into existence is by God's sheer act of. mercy and love. It's his grace that. keeps us alive. So we have been. forgiven. That actual event 2,000 years. ago. We are being forgiven like. constantly because we're not worthy to. live. Like it's God's grace that's.

that's making it possible. So that that. could be equated to forgiveness like. actually here and now. And then we pray. to be forgiven like at the final. judgment. So it's like all three can be. true which which then just reveals to us. like like layers. You were asking. earlier about angels and stuff like. that. There's a lot of. layers. There's a lot of layers. We can. compartmentalize a lot of things in life. but you can't compartmentalize like what. do you mean layers? I mean like uh like. angels. So we got the physical realm. around us. Um but also there's like a.

supernatural element around us like. there's angels and demons around us. There's so much stuff going on and. um like. what spiritual. warfare you know Satan and all of his. angels and all of our. angels. Um yeah I mean there's a lot of. forces at play. We're not just we're not. just roaming around this earth doing our. own little jobs and living our own. little lives. everyone doing their. little thing on this this big ball. You.

know, there's like there's got to be. something more. There has to be. something more than us just living our. 80 years and then dying after 80 or 90, you know, whatever, 60. Um, and that gives meaning to life. That's why we struggle. That's why. what are they doing in this room? I don't know. What do you think they're. doing? How do you envision it? I mean, are they just sitting there chilling? No, I envision like all the the demons.

like just trying to get us off path. Anything that they can do to get us off. track. Um to create us to sin, to create. more doubt in in who God is, to have. more pride, to to be more independent. And what I mean is like not depending on. God. So, um they want they're doing. everything they can to distract us and. separate us from God. And so the angels. are doing everything they can to help us. stay focused on God. It's all about. ordering everything to God. That's what.

it means to live a virtuous life and. and struggle for holiness every day. Are they interacting with each other? Angels and demons. Mhm. That's. a it's a battle. I mean, we we would see. them, but also like, you know, I don't. know. I don't see angels. I don't see. demons. I know they're real, but they. exist in a different realm than us.

Like, it's it's they're not bound by. space and. time. Um, and so they don't like sit. around a desk and and try to like. negotiate. Like, we can't even fathom. that what the what that battle looks. like. Sparks going against each other. I. don't know. But it's just like there's. there's two. forces pulling pulling this world and. everything in it. two different. directions, good and bad, light and dark, heaven or. hell, whatever you want to call it. Like. there's there's two forces that are at.

play. Even for someone that doesn't. believe in God or doesn't want to. believe in anything any kind of higher. power, like if you are like somewhat. conscious and somewhat aware of life in. the world, like you would you would. agree that there's like there's. attention here. There's got to be. something. It's got to be more than what. we're just seeing. And there there's a. constant pull between, you know, this. good and bad. So, I wish I could explain it better,

but how was the pope chosen? Through uh. it's the um at a conclave, that's what. it's called. And um the all the. cardinals from around the world will. come together and they'll pray and then. they'll they'll cast ballots and then. when a certain number of those votes are. passed then uh then the and that that's. the pope is determined to but it's.

through the like a voting process of the. different. cardinals. I was there in uh 2013. whenever Pope Benedict stepped down and. uh Pope Francis was elected. That was a. cool experience, man. There were, I. don't know, 20,000 people, 30,000 people. there. St. Peter Square, probably maybe. more than that. But there were so many. people. It was the most energetic thing. I've experienced in my life. It was so. cool. We're all out there and uh you. know, whenever the Pope is elected, they're on the Sistine Chapel. There's a.

bunch of movies out there. So, a lot of. it's just like Hollywood stuff, but they. do go in the Sistine Chapel, they vote, and then the smoke will come out. Either. the black or the white smoke. Whenever. you get the white smoke comes, um it. means, you know, a pope has been. elected. So, we're all out there when. hanging up hanging around just waiting. cuz uh they meet in the morning and then. they meet in the evening and and and. they continue to meet and vote until the. pope is elected. And then the white. smoke will come and they they choose.

one. So, we knew they were meeting that. evening and it went late. So, we're like. something's going on. And finally, the. white smoke comes and it just it went. crazy. I mean, so much energy. And he. comes out, he gives his initial. greeting. It was a really cool thing. And then he said, you know, like. something along these lines, you know, I'm your holy father, like I'm I'm the. new pope, but like I'm just paraphrasing. it. Basically, if you want me to like I. need your prayers. So before I can even. start this ministry to pray for you and. lead you, you got to pray for me. Uh so.

we'll just do this do this right now. And so like there was dead silence. You. could hear a pen drop. It was crazy. and. everyone was just praying and yeah so I. was there for that but but it's through. that the process of the cardinals coming. together from all over the world and um. they'll cast their ballots until the a. number is a number like till one is. chosen. I don't know if it's 50 plus one. or if there's got to be a percentage 80%. or something. I don't I don't know. That's not my pay grade. What was.

Vatican 2? That was the uh second. Vatican council was in the the 60s. The. whole the whole. um in the church because it is a human. institution just like anything else is. can be politicized but the second. Vatican council was a gathering of the. the the bishops and the cardinals and. some representatives lay representatives. from of Catholics from all over the. world. uh they come together for for a. number of years and with the goal of.

identifying the needs of the times um. and and. essentially kind of laying out what's. going to be the next steps forward. realizing that scripture and tradition. going through that again we have to. follow the word of God nothing that we. can do that we do can contradict the. word of God. um but also The way that we're living is. not the way that we were living 2,000.

years ago. So Peter and Andrew, James, and John. when they were fishing at the Sea of. Galilee, they weren't saying, "Hey, which AI do you use? Do you use Google. or do you use uh Gemini or do you use. Copilot or Claude? What do you use?". Like AI wasn't even their on their. radar. They weren't talking about. invitro fertilization. They weren't. talking about um Ibagane. Actually, I. would I would bet that they'd be talking. about IBA game before uh before uh AI or. anything like that because it that could. have that could have been around. But.

the point I'm making is like we have to. address things now that weren't issues a. thousand years ago that weren't an issue. 20 years ago, you know. So, this was. this was in the '60s. So they were. addressing calling out the issues that. needed to be addressed that had not been. addressed before so that we can gain. some understanding from sacred scripture. how to live in this world that we're. living in. Does that kind of make sense? Mhm. Yeah. So it was a gathering of what. were some of those issues.

Um let's see. There. were trying to think there were there. were like all all sorts of stuff. One of. it was like the role of the people in. the church. One of the problems that we. noticed was like uh in some ways like. too many priests were getting you know. big head getting power hungry and so I. was like well hold on like you are the. priest you have been ordained for this. this is true but also you got to. recognize that your flock have a voice. as well so recognizing like the role of. the faithful that was that was one of.

the biggest things from second Vatican. council there's a million different I. say million not a million there were a. bunch of different things that came up. but the the shortest most concise way of. putting it is like it was addressing. um how priests uh need to be more. pastoral in the preaching of the gospel. And what whenever I say that I don't. mean like watering the gospel down to. make people feel good. What I mean is. like recognizing that we have a job to. preach the gospel to all people. Um, so.

it was calling us, telling us to do our. work. And with the, it was also pointing. out the fact that the the lay faithful, that means the people that aren't. priests or deacons, like they have a. voice and they have to go out and preach. the gospel, too. That's kind of the. shortest way of putting it. Um, but it. recognizes the the needs of the time. Um, that's kind of a simple way of. putting it. Some other things were like. lurggical reforms. Um the mass used to.

always be completely in Latin. Um part. of the some of the changes we're doing. some of the stuff in the vernacular. which means the language that the people. speak. Um and so doesn't mean getting. rid of Latin completely. That's a. beautiful thing. A lot of churches still. use a lot of Latin. Um but it wouldn't. make sense for me to preach to my people. in Latin if they don't understand it. I. need to preach to them in English or. Spanish, you know, whatever language. they understand. Um yeah, it's basically coming to the. times with the gospel, the gospel that.

doesn't. change. Um bringing that gospel to the. people today and the questions that they. have. What do you think about some of the. traditions that are changing. in the Catholic Church? Can you Are they. taking kneelers out? Some more. You know. what's really cool is like there's a. resurgence in those part of there was a. one of the unfortunate things second. Vatican council is there were some there.

were some people who were out there who. took it and just did what they wanted to. with it. They interpreted it the way. that they wanted to. So they stripped. their churches like got rid of all the. all all these traditions like the. nailers for example that or music or. art. um. took terrible liberties to interpret the. stuff that they wanted to the way they. wanted to interpret it. Um and it went to an extreme. So what.

we're seeing now is like so for example. with the. liturgies it it was just like take the. kneelers out, take the sacredness out of. it and make it more like a social. gathering is how a lot of people. responded to it. What we're seeing now. though is like more people are coming. back to those traditions of saying like. there is a social element but it's got. to be a sacred moment. If we want to. hang out and just listen to fun music, we can put on iTunes or something or. Spotify or we can we want to hear fun. like we can go to concert, we can go out. to a restaurant, go to Pizza Hut or.

something. But if we want to encounter. God, there has to be a sacred element. So people are putting the meers back. in bringing sacred music back. Um, I. mean, who's making these. decisions. in if this goes all the way back to. Peter Mhm. the apostle and he set their. traditions and he was I mean next to. Jesus. Then who are these new people. 2,000 years later that are just making.

up their own rules going, "Oh, we don't. need this anymore." Yeah. Get rid of. that. Well, that would be the the some. of the priests or the bishops that that. were just doing what they wanted and not. following the tradition. So, they. weren't doing what the church was. teaching in those moments. It was just. disobedience. There's really no other. answer to it other than that. Just like. they like they weren't doing what they. were told to do. Are there evil forces at play within the. within the church to take those.

traditions? Oh, I think so. I think so. I mean, we're We're all sinners. We're. all broken people. Some people are. intentionally Some people, all of us. mess up. Some people are like. intentionally acting badly, you know, against those. I don't have a a lot of. experience, you know, with that like. that, you know, let me let me back up. So, like I was in Rome for four years. I. was at the Vatican all the time. Got to. meet the Pope number of times, a bunch. of cardinals and bishops from all over.

the world and stuff. So, like I know a. lot of people in power. Um, and I've never met anyone that's. like intentionally trying to burn the. place down. Okay. There are, but they're. there are, you know, who are they? I. don't know who they are, but I'm not going to be naive and say. they don't exist. Yeah. But they're coming to light. They're. they're they're uh everything comes to. the light. So, they exist, but the gates.

of hell shall not prevail against it. Scripture says, not to change the subject, but I forgot. When did you wind up on the the ninja. border show. for like complacing or what? Yeah. Yeah. So, I did it twice. 2018, 2020. I didn't I didn't make it. through the first. round. They just invited me on. I was.

like, "Well, sure, why not?" I like I. didn't know what the hell I was doing, but. um just I gave it a shot. It was fun. One of them was in Dallas, other one was. in St. Louis. You know, cool thing about. that, like you mentioned the Instagram. page earlier. Um I don't put a lot of. ministry stuff on there, and it's not. like I'm hiding the priesthood. It's. actually like quite the opposite. I. don't put a lot of pastoral ministry out. there because the souls of the people. that I'm with are sacred. Like people,

your soul is sacred, Sean. Like mine is. like the human soul is a sacred thing. God dwells within that. And whenever I'm. privileged to have an encounter with a. soul in my. church, a she a sheep of my flock. I. take that seriously. And so like I don't. put that stuff on social media. Like. I'll share some stuff every like some. school stuff. I'll share some things. with the school. um uh other things in. ministry but it's not a it's not a lot. because that's such a sacred thing. I.

share a lot of my own personal life. I I. don't hesitate to share my soul with. people. So the neat thing with the ninja. war I did that I got a lot of push back. from people. A whole bunch of push back. from who? Um priests some other priests. um for also some of the people in the. church as well because it wasn't a holy. thing. Like you should be doing holy. stuff like praying or you know studying. or stuff like this. You shouldn't be. wasting your time going on TV and doing. the Ninja Warrior thing. But you know. what was really cool about it was to. bring it back full circle. Like this. connected the the Vatican 2 stuff. We.

got to be in the world but not of it. We. have to go out and preach the gospel. boldly. So I did the I ran the course of. my clerics just like this. Um they had a. little clip on there that told a little. bit of my story. You know I crashed and. burned that you know. So that was. whatever that that doesn't matter. But. people saw a priest doing something that. they don't see a priest doing. And you. would not believe how many phone calls. and emails I got. Um, not people to say, "Hey, congratulations. Good job." Or.

like, "Oh, you're a loser. You fell in. the water." But calling to say like. calling, sending emails, sending me. letters in the regular mail. Hey, father. I saw you on Ninja Warrior. That. was cool, but my marriage is falling. apart. Could you know this, this, and. this, and this. What advice would you. give me? Hey, father. I saw you on TV. You know, that was neat. My kids on. dope. What's a way that I can be with. him? Or like, hey, I was abused as a. kid. Um, it's fun watching Ninja Warrior. with with my kids, but uh it I'm always.

thinking about this trauma from my. childhood. Like, how can I get healing. from that? And so, by me doing that, it. opened up a lot of avenues of. communication with people, which is. really cool. Yeah. Same thing with like. uh fitness and the hunting stuff. Those. are two things. I love CrossFit, love, hunting, and I share those stories and. it's exact same thing. Well, I mean, I I. think what's cool is I mean, we talked. about the masculinity stuff a little. bit, but I think what's cool is you're. showing that you're you're you're a.

regular person. and you're with the people, you're. competing, you're working out, you're. hunting, you're doing all these things. and and you just mentioned, you know, a. lot of the priests that put themselves. on a pedestal. And I think that I think. that I don't think I know that kind of. stuff turns a lot of people away. And. and when you see somebody who is out. there in the community with people doing.

[ __ ] that people like to do Yeah. I. mean, it it makes you it humanizes you. It makes you an approachable person. It's it's makes you somebody that people. can relate to. Uhhuh. Something to. strike up a conversation about something. other than the Catholic Church. And I. think that's important. Yeah. And um I. mean in I mean you just said it. It. works. Yeah. I mean Jesus was out with. the people, right? Exactly. So why.

aren't why aren't the rest of the. priests out with the people or pastors. or ministers or anybody? Yeah. I mean, we can't sit in our little palaces, you. know? We got to get in the trenches with. the people, you know, and um and if I'm. going to preach effectively, like I got. to know what they're living. I got to be. with them out there, you know. Like you. just said, that's what Jesus Christ did. This God who is beyond all things. This. God who made space and time is beyond. space and time entered into the confines. of space and time to be with us. Like he. was he did miracles. Yeah. But also he.

walked and talked with them. He had to. cut up, you know, with him. Jonathan. Roomie. Um, uh, he's he does The Chosen. Have you seen that the TV series? Heard. of that? Yeah. Yeah. Um, and, uh, like. there's a lot of stuff in that show. that's not in the Bible, but it's. plausible. Like you could He's joking. around with them. That stuff I think. really happened. Even if it's not. scriptured, Jesus, they had to have cut. up. They had to joke around. you know, I'm sure they got, you know, ate some,

you know, I don't know, roasted lamb or. something, got heartburn or, you know, wasn't cooked enough and diarrhea or. something. I don't know. But like we're. humans, you know, and we just got to. continue that with in ministry, you. know. What are your thoughts. on We have a huge veteran audience. There's a suicide epidemic going on. It's like up to 40ome a day. Yeah. What are your thoughts on suicide?

Yeah. Um it's uh I got a lot of. thoughts like I. I there's a lot to unpack here. Um first. of all, no one commits suicide cuz. things are going all right. No one does. that because because life is worth. living, right? So there's they're. they're broken. There's a lot going on.

there internally. There's also problems. externally, support systems that are not. in place that should be. So like I. recognize that element of it. But also. like, and this is like I'm not saying. this lightly, and I I don't want any. listener to take it lightly or anything, but like I think it's a a cowardly thing. to do. Um, they've got so many burdens that are. pushing them into the grave and they.

want. to like it's just almost too much to. bear. So, they'll end their life, but in. doing that, that burden is handed over. to someone else. to sort out or figure out, you know, and I don't know, like it it it's just a. it's a complicated thing to unpack. I've. had, you know, people at the church. commit suicide or family members, things. like that. Not my own family members, but like family members, church people. done funerals and stuff like that. It's. tough, man. Like, I I wish I could give.

an answer. It's. just it's a messy thing. Do they go to heaven? God's God's grace is is. big. God's grace is big. um God can get anyone to heaven that he. wants to get to heaven, you know, and in. those situations, you know, in in years. past, um this kind of like a thing from Second.

Vatican Council to ask about that like. it was somebody committed suicide, it. was immediately. like there was a teaching for a long. time that they were just immediately. condemned to hell because it was murder. You're murdering yourself. Thou shalt. not kill and you've killed yourself. Um. but but the act of murder happened like. you you committed that act of murder. even though it was yourself. Um now the. church recognizes like it's a lot more. complicated than that now that we. understand psychology and and and the.

human mind and everything. And so we. recognize how like God sees the. brokenness in that person and it's God's. desire to save you know broken people. You know, it's kind of hard to to say that like, yeah, short answer, can they go to. heaven? Yeah, they can definitely go to. heaven. Does it definitely mean they're. going to heaven? No, I don't know. I. don't know who goes to heaven or who. goes to hell. It's up to God. I don't. want to sit here though. and and make it an easy out for.

somebody, you know, and that's that's um. in some ways like I. don't this is something I'm struggling. with. This may have come up on one of. your your recent episodes um on this. subject of like how do. we talk about it. um like in in a way that doesn't give it. a blessing but like actually addresses.

the cause, you. know, and in a way that doesn't create. like a heroism in it. Does that I don't. know if that makes sense. Oh man, I. don't ever think anybody thinks there's. heroism in it. Yeah. No. Yeah. And this. is just a lack of words. Like, so I. think you you you talk about the burden. that's been passed on. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I think a lot of people do it. Yeah. Because they feel like they are the.

burden. Yeah. And that's that's what needs to be. addressed. Like they're not. So how do. we get to the heart of that? Like it's a. bigger burden. Yeah. Kill yourself. Yeah. But even in my own life, like I this is. not not to the point of suicide, but. like I one of the reasons we're talking. earlier about boundaries and stuff. It's. hard for me to ask for help cuz I don't. want to be a burden. I grew up in the. poor family. Everything like it was hard. to get by with everything. And I didn't. want to be another burden. And so that's. so ingrained in me that it's hard for me.

to ask for help. So, like I I can. understand what it's like. to like not want to burden somebody. Um, so how do we tell them like you're not a. burden, buddy? Like you're not a burden. You may be screwed up. That doesn't mean. you're a burden. You still got dignity, man. We're all screwed up. We all like. fight with stuff. We wrestle with stuff. I say screwed up in a loose way. So, um, it's just a it's a tough thing. People just want to be loved, man. We. just need to walk with people, you know?

How do you This goes a lot of the stuff. we were talking about earlier, man. I'm. just I'm trying to figure this thing out. myself. I've been to a lot of school. I. have a lot of experiences. That don't. mean I know what I'm doing. I'm just a. lost fool in this thing called life. Every day waking up saying, "God, help. me to not be as like a little bit less. of a loser today than I was yesterday.". And any way that I can help other people. around me be a little bit less of a. loser today than they were yesterday, like I'm doing what God's called me to. do. And that just means like I have to.

be willing to sit with uncomfortable. stuff. So then how do we I think that's. where the where we can improve is. sitting with people in those moments. when we don't have an answer cuz we want. an answer. We want something to fix it. We want a treatment. And unfortunately a. bullet or peel is like often like where. the mind goes to. Um and gosh I think it. I think it I don't know if it was one of. your episodes or not. Just a recent one. I was just listening to it on the drive. over here. Um, but how like somebody can.

be under the influence of something, you're not thinking clearly in that. moment, you know? Um, and it's so easy to make a permanent. decision in that split second, you know, and but how do you sit with somebody in. that moment and say, "Listen, I don't have an answer for you. I can't imagine how much it sucks for. you, but I want to sit with you right. now. Whatever we got to do, I we'll do. it." Mhm. And that's hard because it. requires us to surrender control because. we want to fix it. Especially for guys, we like to fix stuff. We don't want to.

be a burden. We want to get it done now. We don't like to ride things out. So, there's so many things that go against. the way that we're built. So many things. that are pushing against our own DNA, the way we operate as. men. just but for us to just sit there. in that. um in that in that tension in those. crosshairs like or that crossroads is. um not having an. answer I think that's where we start.

like what does that look like I don't. know um. but it's a it's a messy thing I wish we. didn't have it I wish suicide wasn't a. thing but it is and it's hurting a lot. of people. Yes, it is. Anyone? Yeah. Anyone like all if there's. any way I can help anyone, you know? I. know a ton of people listen to this. Oh, yeah. Reach out. You know, I like I just. said, I can't I can't answer anything. I. can't be a savior, but I'll I got some.

grit and and I'll just sit it out with. you. Have you. ever do you think that. your how do I do you feel that your. father or your sister has ever reached. out spiritually to you? No. Have they ever tried to make. contact? No. But I haven't paid attention to.

that. Someone asked me a similar. question a few weeks ago and before I'd. never thought of that until they asked. it and I kind of forgot about it until. just now you asked. So short answer is. no. I'm sure they have and I just wasn't. paying attention. Or maybe they have and. I was but I didn't know it was them. Well, we're kind of wrapping up the. interview here but I want to I want to I. want to end on Mayhem Hunt. Yeah. What.

is it? Uh, it's it's a group of us just. knuckleheads that like to work out and. hunt. Um, so Rich Froning, one of my. best friends, he's big in the CrossFit. world. Um, just lives up the road here. He's big in the CrossFit. Yeah, that's. good. Who's he? He's old and he's old. and washed up now. U No, he's still a. fit fit guy. Super strong. um him and a few of our best friends. like we started hunting a number of.

years ago. We've always been passionate. in fitness and um from that like we we. we just wanted to get more people you. know and ready to hunt. Hunting is a. it's a tough thing physically and so. just creating a training program to do. that and uh it's still new. We're still. getting it off off the ground and. everything but yeah training program to. get people ready to hunt. Uh mayhem. hunt. Right on. You getting ready to do. any big hunts? Uh, yeah. This hoping to. do a bear hunt this late summer or late.

spring. Um, then this fall I'll go elk. hunting again. September. Probably. Montana this year maybe. Nice. I want to. take you. And alligator hunting. We're. going to go alligator hunting. Let's do. it. You and me and Theo von. Let's. Let's do it. Yeah. Yeah. The suicide. thing. That's a tough one, man. Yeah. Um, like I see it from both sides. Like. I understand that I don't understand any. of it because I'm not in that situation, but from like my perspective, I can see.

the broke. I should have mentioned this. in the talk or just a second ago. Like I. can see the side of the individual and. their brokenness. Like no one does that. cuz things are fun, you know? But also. I've been with the victims or the family. the families afterwards and I see all. the everything that they go through too. And I see that and it's like it's just. so much pain all around, you know. What what what do what is um what do. you what do you think.

about it? What is purgatory? Yeah. So purgatory is like we would. believe whenever we die before we have. the full beatotific vision that's the. that's heaven seeing God face to face. like we're still not. worthy to be in the presence of God. We. because we still have imperfections from. this own life that that have to be. worked out that have to be we have to be. purified of. And and so purgatory would.

be like that time that. would that final purification that that. would make us fit to see the face of God. and not die, not be overwhelmed, but be. freed from anything that that could hold. us back. So what. happens? Does do they do like they don't. talk about it at all or No, like uh No, it do. It's just I don't know time of. purification for any wrongdoing. I don't. know. There's no no like formal teaching. of saying like well here's the protocols. or here the things that happen there. I.

don't know. Was it like time limits or. No. Um Yeah. Cuz then you'd be out outside. of time like it wouldn't be like the. same time constraints that we have now. Interesting. Yeah. Um, yeah. Feel like a. complete I've had a bunch of schooling, I promise. But like I I like revert to. form boy. I wish I could give some. better answers for a lot of this.

stuff. Like I don't know. Mama just said. go and I'm doing it. You just said work. and so I'm working. Right on. Well, father, I appreciate you coming. and. um it was it was it was an honor to. interview and get your story and um I. just want to say God bless. Thanks, Sean. God bless you, man. [Music].

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