Eddie Penney - SEAL Team 6/DEVGRU Operator | SRS #043

hey everybody it's that time of year I'm. in Franklin Tennessee and getting ready. to release episode. 43 three years ago today we kicked off. the first episode of the Shawn Ryan Show. and since then we've had 43 episodes and. in just 43. episodes we have hit up to number 55. overall out of over 8 million.

podcasts I just want to say thank you. all that's all you. guys it's the reviews it's the likes. it's the. subscribes it's all of that it's sharing. the content it's sharing the love I. think we spread a very positive message. here on this platform and we're going to. continue to do that and um I just want. to say Merry Christmas happy. Hanukkah happy holidays whatever your. flavor is this time of year me and the. team at vigilance Elite just want to.

wish you the best we love you all let's. get to the next. guest my next guest I had the pleasure. to work him with very briefly at my time. in Seal Team 2 before he went on to Seal. Team 6 Development. Group guys this is another really really. deep one it's one of the best episodes. I've ever. done if I had to say one thing about. Eddie with my time with them outside of. my studio is he's one of the few guys in.

the SEAL Teams that just has a. reputation and his reputation is he's. just a guy that everybody wants to be. around he's just a solid human being. he's a solid operator he spreads a lot. of love he's got a hell of a story. ladies and. Gentlemen please welcome my friend Eddie. Penney to the Shawn Ryan Show please. like subscribe and comment to the.

channel head over to iTunes and Spotify. leave us a review once again we love you. all merry Christmas happy holidays Happy. Hanukkah I hope you guys enjoy the show. and uh it's going to be a hell of a year. in. 20123 Happy New Year too love you guys. cheers. [Music].

[Music].

[Music]. [Music]. Eddie Penney welcome to the show brother. thank you for having me man I appreciate. it it's been damn near 20 years don't.

again don't put the number to it you. believe that it's crazy it's been a long. time it's been a long time so former. Marine then you went to Seal Team 2 then. you went to Development Group CEO of. contingent group CEO of unafraid you got. a podcast with your wife now who seems. Lovely by the way she's awesome she. definitely makes you happy she's the. queen she's the queen for sure but.

anything else am I missing anything uh. some you know some side hustles here for. like leadership or team building stuff. that do with other other individuals. organizations some speaking but yeah. kind of i f under the unafraid brand or. that that whole mindset piece so that's. about that covers it just getting into. motivational speaking Yeah just recently. it just kind of I wouldn't say walking. away from contingent group but just kind. of getting other people to take certain. things on and then moving over to the. encouragement side that's your passion.

though right right now yeah it's like. it's taking over and I and I yeah can't. fight it it's just like that's what I. want to do I like it well we got a lot. to dig into yeah we do the first thing I. noticed after not seeing you for 20. years your vocabulary has changed quite. a bit there's no more four-letter uh yes. that's uh yeah I four-letter bad words. in there about 6 months ago I was I've. been trying to just better myself I like.

I don't want to do this I just kind of. noticed I'm cussing more and it'd be. around my children not even realizing it. was like kind of default from the. military I mean you know who we hang out. with we kind of have a bad bad mouth uh. and I and I. don't look at other people bad for it. it's just like I didn't want to do that. yeah and uh yeah so I've been and it's. been it's been a struggle you've only. been doing that for 6 months about six. months yeah and I'd say probably like. the last month maybe month and a half. that it's like okay I'm doing good I.

might have like one slip up a day or. something but like ah gosh just just. trying to better myself I just don't. want I just don't want to do it man it's. I've been trying to do it it's hard and. I can't hard you don't even dance around. the words it's it's like it was never. part of your vocabulary doing a great. job yeah well we'll see here you know. the things we're going to talk about. I'll do I'll do my best uh but yeah I. just I notic like certain. podcasts and again it doesn't offend me. whatsoever I mean I'd be huge hypocrite.

if I said it did uh cuz I used it. probably too much it was like every. other word and uh I just like man I just. it's not a I don't want to be known for. that especially when you're talking to. other people you're trying to encourage. other people and my children like trying. to be the example right and that's one. of the things that I need to get rid of. and and it's been it hasn't been easy. yeah we're doing a hell of a job I. appreciate that buddy so but hey. everybody that comes on starts off with. a gift is this a box of donuts it might.

be it might be the Shawn Ryan. Show we were just talking about. this thank in America legal in all 50. states so far right yeah right now they. are I love it man thank you I appreciate. that you're welcome and I'm going to. probably eat those on the flight home. all of them good for you but and we we. didn't say author you just releas your. new book unra do and then yeah author of.

unafraid and now working on book number. two and kind of number three how's the. book doing it's do good man we're. getting a lot of good feedback uh and. that was kind of the beginning of like. when we went in the beginning when we uh. when myself and Keith wood the co-writer. great friend now we started writing I. was like hey there's there's one thing. and and that is to help others and like. glorify God like I do not want to skimp. on that piece because for me that was my. like saved my life it really did did and.

uh we can get into that stuff but uh. yeah it it's been awesome the feedback. we've gotten from it it's helping a lot. of people uh both veterans single. parents and people that are just. struggling it doesn't really just go for. veterans it's really for anyone and. everyone because I mentioned briefly as. you know at the end of each chapter we. got the hot wash and it's kind of like a. debrief or a critique of that particular. chapter in my life and I'm just kind of. talk about things and it it originally. started to be letters to my children.

like hey don't make the same mistakes. that I did and and we kind of Bren this. like hey this this needs to be to. everyone so it's kind of dedicated to. everyone it's like hey and people that. aren't even affiliated with the military. law enforcement or anything that could. be close to it or reaching out U saying. hey this really helped you know my. organization or my business and that. dude just hearing that it's everything. definitely needed it'll be linked in the. description and everybody go buy his. book and leave a review yeah leave a.

review for the book so I'll leave a. review right after this interview but. can't wait to dig into it uh we're going. to talk all about the book one chapter. in particular that caught my attention. was kill addict yeah so I want to get. into that but um and then the interview. we'll start with childhood this is your. biography here so we're going to start. with your childhood moved into your uh. Marine cor years Seal Team Dev group the. dreaded transition and and everything.

you got going on now awesome but um. first before we kind of get into the. weeds you're sitting here I'm sitting. here because of my patreon community the. vigilance League patreon Community they. support the show they support everybody. that works here they're awesome and um. anyways I give them I tell them who's. coming on the show they're all excited. about you there's a ton of questions we. only have time for one because. this is going to be a long one make it.

easy yeah it's a tough question though. it's a tough question so this is from. Eric Covington what advice as a single. dab would you would he give to help. communicate to a young daughter to have. a. foundation of understanding on how to. deal with fear the woke world and how to. keep a solid mindset growing up in. today's culture as a kid and a young. woman that's a it's a great question and.

that's a great question he said the word. mindset which I I love as you. know um as a father speaking and this is. based off personal experience uh as I. talk about the book getting custody of. my children one was a boy and I had two. daughters five and 10 and then my son. was a 10-month-old. and coming from an operator where you're. kind of in Savage mode and then coming. back and like you need to focus on these. little people and the difference between.

me talking to my son versus my daughters. I'm used to talking to guys like us Team. guys military guys that are getting shot. at that are shooting other people so I. kind of had to change or shift by. knowing my audience and I and it took me. a while and and and I made a lot of. mistakes I my tone I was kind of more of. a do as I say not you know like I'm the. drill instructor kind of and it was it. was completely wrong uh but to answer.

that question I would say that empathy. getting on their level having those. feelings listening this was very hard. for me was listening you do not know it. all just because you're a father or a. mother that's raising these children we. don't know it all those little those. little people running around can teach. us a lot about just Humanity each other. yourself uh they're trying to. communicate and a lot of times that I've. learned when they're at a certain age. they just don't know the words to. communicate what they're feeling they.

don't know what that is like the sadness. they don't a lot of them don't know that. that's what they're feeling I mean we're. grown adults making mistakes like man. I'm angry I should probably pull myself. out of this situation before I maybe. punch somebody in the face or do. something I shouldn't do uh but getting. on their level listening to them. processing what they they say take that. pause and then you know delivering that. in a proper way by not raising your. voice uh. guilty uh but. be the example they're going to watch.

you they're going to watch what you do. they're going to watch how you speak. back to the cussing piece right watch. how you speak how you interact with. people how do you go grocery shopping. how do you drive all these little things. they're get they're like they're just. Gathering they're little sponges they're. just Gathering all this. information um and then try to develop. that relationship as best as you can but. like to go off of that question from. what I personally is what I failed to do. was just listen listen to what they were. trying to communicate get more.

information out of them get on their. level and just get in their world get in. their world which is tough to do cuz. we're we're like we're for the most part. self-absorbed humans like we we kind of. think about me me me and you know and. I'm no exception to it um but that would. be my advice is like and it's tough it. is tough because if it wasn't tough. everyone would be doing it and we're not. doing it and especially we see bringing. in the media and we go to school and. like twerking is the coolest thing I. mean more people know about working than.

they know about like being a good person. or morals and ethics or integrity and. it's sad so the the the place and we. can't we I think a lot of us blame it on. the school system and I'm not saying. that they are not guilty but it starts. in the home yeah I mean it starts in the. home for us to become an operator where. did it start it started in buds the. foundation this is what a seal is this. is what an operator does and then we. just grew upon that it's like anything. but the PE football to grade school.

football to high school football to. college football to NFL and you're just. stacking on this experience and wisdom. as we go well the foundation starts back. when you're in peeee how to treat people. right what is teamwork what does it mean. to lose what can we improve upon. learning learning the lesson right but. that goes back to the home so the. parents yeah it starts with you and it. ends with you plain and simple and I. truly believe that and I'm not going to. pretend that I make all the right. decisions I don't I fail almost daily I. would say. I'm like crap I got to fix that I got to.

fix that uh I don't want my kid to see. me drinking a lot I don't want them to. hear me cussing I don't want them to. hear me raise my voice to my wife. because that's not okay because guess. what they're going to do the same thing. if I think if we take a step back and. look how we were raised we're probably. doing a lot of the same things yeah so. totally agree with that so long answer. but that's uh it's a great question that. that is a great question uh that's. situation dict takes per family but.

great question yeah you know there was a. lot of questions on there for you A lot. of it had to do with Dev group and stuff. but I you. know listening to your story um I. listened to one of your podcasts from. Mike ritland several years ago and man. you think you know a guy and and uh and. the parent piece in there yeah was. really really powerful and touching and. so I thought that was the perfect. question for you that's a good question. but um and then just to add to that I do.

you know everybody these days is looking. for somebody to blame and yeah school. system it's all over the news you know. what they're teaching and I disagree. with a lot of it yeah so so do I with. that being said you are your kid's. biggest example and if you don't like. that kind of [ __ ] they're you're the. example just lead by example and they're. going to follow and which is hard to do. and I and I about that is you never know.

who's watching you I go over like. coaches that I watched certain. individuals that I watched but I did one. little thing one certain thing that. means nothing to them but I'm in the. world to me that changed my work ethic. the way I treat people it's huge just. one thing there's a there's a study out. there and I and I and I don't know where. it came from but it's like for. every every negative thing that we do it. takes 10 positive to erase that negative.

so if we raise our voice at our kids or. do something we don't listen to them we. assume that we know what's going on. they're going to hold on to that they're. not going to remember that hey good job. on your football in your football game. or good job on your grades it takes 10. of those good adab boys to get rid of. that negative damn it just goes to show. you how powerful that negative piece is. and. unfortunately my. children growing up dealt with more. negative than positive from me cuz to be.

honest with you I was the child I didn't. know what to do I was lost and I turned. to drinking I turned to pills to sleep. at night and uh yeah they taught me a. lot well before we get into that let's. start with your childhood I know you. grew up in Ohio yep Cincinnati Ohio uh. played Sports pretty much the whole time. uh mostly football. baseball and then um were you good atam. I was good at baseball I was good at.

peeee football and then when I got to. like seventh eth grade uh I was kind of. late L Bloomer Late. Bloomer so I I told my dad I was like. hey these these guys are these guys are. too big and I'm like I just I just don't. want to do it so I quit and uh and I'm. glad I did and when I did that I joined. the swim team which was great for buds. not realizing that I was going to go to. buds uh but as a child I was always. running through the woods I would play.

video games maybe on Saturdays I think. my mom would let me have her for about. an hour or two and I play Contra you. know up up down down left right left. right ba start right you know the the. good codes oh yeah so uh I would do that. but mostly in the woods building forts. running like a madman making. Spears um all kinds of stuff man but. that was like that was my passion just. being on the woods and roaming The. Creeks looking for snakes to kill them. cuz that was with a a good buddy odds. that I I grew up with that uh we call.

ourselves the snake killers and we just. go out you know looking for Yeti or. something and killing snakes but it was. it was a great childhood man it was. always Outdoors fishing just something. swimming in Lakes uh it was it was a. good time it was awesome brothers and. sisters I had a cat a cat I did no. brother and sisters only child I. tortured that cat Alex I don't see you. as a cat person uh yeah yeah I don't. either but the there he was I think our. neighbor had a litter my mom said maybe.

this guy needs a cat cuz I'm not going. to give him a son or or brother her. sister so we had a cat I mean it was it. was awesome but I like I would uh when. we moved when I was in seventh grade I'd. like drop him off the balcony we had. like a The Loft kind of like overlooks I. would drop him off and we had a couch. underneath and he would kind of bounce. off the. couch I mean it was out of good fun I. wasn't like hey let's torture this guy. but he he did not like me I would like. hold him I mean just yeah things you.

shouldn't be doing things I shouldn't be. doing yeah were you popular growing up. uh I wouldn't say popular I was friends. with everybody like the jocks the like I. was just nice to everybody um never. really bullied or picked on but I I was. kind of into my little click with the. swim team uh that was probably yeah. friends of that every. one well good childhood good child s. childhood good childhood tie with her.

parents and everything yeah so my. parents were. divorced. um and I lived with my mom for for most. of the time I'd go see my dad every. other weekend and like dinner on. Wednesday or Thursday night would go out. to whatever get some food and he would. drop me back off of the house uh but. yeah I mean like my dad when I was a. child was like my little hero always. would look up to him uh but yeah my mom. my mom took care of me she was always. there that's like been one constant uh. uh for a long time it's always her she's.

always been there what do they do as a. profession my mom my mom's retired now. my dad still does kind of drywall he's. in the drywall business been in the. drywall business for a long time and. then my mom does um she did like. clerical work I think she did like Pig. roll or something so she'd always drive. downtown you know worked in like the. highrises and stuff like that and then. come back after work uh so she did that. for the most time she took some. accounting courses on uh not online but. like through like the Community College. I guess or whatever it was I I don't.

remember what it was yeah but yeah she. kind of like a business busy. type well where did your interest in the. in the military come. then uh I I guess you know my when I was. my dad's weekend his his way of. parenting was like hey check out this. new Sylvester Salone movie or like check. out Arnold schwarzen or check out this. new guy Van Dam right and I would watch. them all and I was just like glued to. the to the thing I like to the to the TV.

just like glued to it and I would watch. them over and over and over again like. looking at their gear like what is that. what is this and I would just like try. to and we didn't have internet so you. try to like magazines or try to figure. things out or go to the library like. military like what's what what's. anything and uh I just fell in love with. it like just something got stirred up. inside me and it like became a passion. so I mean gosh as long as I can remember. I mean grade school I was like dude I. want to be in the military like I want. to be in the milary real early they. started real early and then I remember a.

specific day my mom took me to a night. game a Cincinnati Reds game and uh you. know they just got done with a Star. Spangled Banner and and it was during uh. desert storm so I don't even remember. they had the yellow ribbons they had. like a sticker with an eagle head. support our troops and like I mean very. patriotic stuff from what I from what I. can remember nothing what I kind of feel. like definitely not in the Vietnam era. which I was not around we can hear the. stories or kind of what's going on now. but uh very supportive it seemed like at. my you know to my young eyes and then at.

the end of the star spangle Banner which. I definitely stood for uh you know took. my hand down and afterwards they had. like fighter jets fly over in just that. noise I was like dude it rocked my world. I was like I I tugged on my mom cuz I'm. like you know I'm looking up at her I'm. like that's what I want to do and I. didn't want to be a pilot I just knew. that I want to be in the military seeing. that flag flow I just felt like the a. great sense of pride in this country and. it and I didn't know what the heck I was. even asking for what I was thinking.

about but for some reason that planted a. seed that just morphed inside me it was. awesome and that's that I remember that. night it was a night game Cincinnati. Reds game I'll never forget it damn and. that was it that That's All She Wrote. well so when did you start really. getting serious and looking into it so I. did this I did the swim team after you. know for a while and I and I thought. about it and then you know swimmers are. going you know I was a freshman you know. the senior they're looking at colleges. they're going to colleges I'd go with.

them to check out the university do a. workout at their pool or whatever you. know they would allow that to happen and. I was like well maybe maybe I'll swim in. college try to get a scholarship cuz I. was starting to get a little bit better. I I was I mean most of these kid guys. started like when they're 10 so they. were like freaks in the water and I was. I mean started in nth grade I could. barely swim a length of the pool and. then towards my junior year I started. getting really good and then I I did not. swim my uh senior year because my coach. died who was a huge influence on me. uh but I mean there was like little.

segments of life I'm like I want to be a. lawyer cuz I watch The Firm with Tom. Cruz I'm like I think that's a good job. I want to do that or I want to be a. doctor CU I saw whatever it's just influ. you know I mean we influence people or. we get influenced by people and um. everything came back to the military but. a guy when I was a junior year a really. good friend of mine was a senior and he. enlisted in the Marine Corps so he went. down to to Paris Island in South. Carolina and when his graduation came. around he had a brother and they reached. out like hey Eddie would you like to go.

down there for the graduation so I asked. my mother of course and uh she she yeah. she like that'd be great for you so I I. went down there and I like fell in love. I was like just seeing the obstacle. course and they're like doing the puggle. sticks and they're boxing and marching. and the guns and it was cool like the. Unison of them marching I mean I've kind. of learned in the military what what. looks cool is not the coolest like. diving at night under a ship that's. scary bro like that that like you know. what I mean you didn't get any enjoyment. out of that. I when I was done I'm like that's cool.

but during it I'm like shark what. shark am I going to get sucked up into. the suction of the ship you know I mean. you know it's the the reality kind of. hits you uh but I just fell in love and. I'm like all right like and I wanted to. be a seal thing CU I saw you know the. Charlie Sheen movie and Michael Bean. with you know Navy Seals and um I I did. the Marine Corps thing and just I was. like I'm going to all right I'm going to. go be a marine what what year was this I. enlisted in I went August 23rd of 1996.

okay I I left to go in the Marine Corps. right out of high school right out of. high I was 17 my 18th birthday was in. boot camp sitting in my rack hoping no. one would find out that it was my. birthday you know you just don't draw. attention to yourself right be the gr. man uh but yeah it was it was cool it. was it was a good. experience I didn't fall in love with. the Marine. cores it's all about rank it's not so. much about how you perform it's about. rank I care more about your hair than.

how you operate or do your job I you. picked that up at that young of an age. yeah I started yeah I didn't know better. but towards like year two two and a half. three years I'm like this is ridiculous. like like let's concentrate on like. working that seems like a more important. thing uh like having an operational. fighting force than hey you look good. like are those creases like okay cool. cuz the enem is going to give a crap. about that like it's like who cares I. get the point of being presentable and. the discipline I understand that but it.

seemed to override people doing their. job and influencing other people and. being and being a leader and uh so I. didn't like that what did you join the. Marine Corps to do 0311 so basic. infantrymen and and that's what I wanted. to do so I did my ad this funny this. kind of funny and sad at the same time. is I did my ASVAB and you know they get. the scores back and they're like so. Eddie what do you want to do. I was like I want to be an 0311 and.

they're like good cuz that's all you're. going to be able to. do cuz my asab I guess was not the. greatest so and I was like cool I don't. I don't care like just I wanted like. what I thought you know the Marines do. storm the beaches you know get off of. zodiacs go do the thing right be on the. front lines and uh yeah that's that's. all I cared to do I just wanted to be in. the fight not knowing what that meant or. what exactly came with that that package. deal yeah so so when did you leave did.

you do one enlistment and then I did. four years yeah about my threeyear mark. so the reason for me leaving um about. two and a half three years in I was like. I learned about marine scout snipers. which everyone I saw that was a marine. scout they were just squared away and. scout sniper school was right there. around quano where I was stationed so I. would see him like running with their. ghillie suits on with packs they they. had other you know their long guns I was. like dudee I want to go do that but you.

had to be a rifle expert so you got you. know you got your three quals you got. basic rifle or Bas basic Marksman then. you got your Sharpshooter then you got. your rifle expert just like we do in in. the Navy same thing in the Marines but. you had to be a rifle expert the best. one to even go to sniper school and I. was a basic Marksman so I asked my team. leader I was like hey can I can I go to. the range to try to you know up my qual. and I went and I got sharpshoot I missed. exper by one point by one shot and so I.

was like hey can I go again so they send. me back like three months later I miss. it again by one. shot so I was like just give me one more. chance and they're like hey we do this. you get it you got to reinlist or extend. to go to school and I was like I'll do. that no problem so I didn't extend they. got but they a spot opened up and I got. to go at within 6 months I think I was. back at it and um I missed it again by. one freaking point three times man wow.

and I was done I was deflated I I was. done I was like this sucks I'm like man. I and I kind of chocked it up like this. military thing maybe wasn't for me after. all maybe I'm not as it's not what I've. always wanted to be so I was like I'll. go back to Cincinnati and be a cop like. you know I just wanted to I don't like. evil I just wanted to somehow fight evil. the best way the in some way you know. shape or. form and. uh I say. probably around that time I don't know.

how much time was left in the Marines. maybe 8 nine months or something like. that I was like and I don't know what. sparked it oh I know what sparked it we. did a trip to West Virginia CU When I. was in quanico everything that we did. was training the officers so officers go. to OCS officer candidate school and then. the Marine Corps you go to a thing on. the other side of the base it's called. TBS the basic school so every Marine. officer does this six month school it's. it's all fieldcraft like learning to set.

up Patrol bases uh patrolling shooting. how to do Mount military operations in. Urban Terrain little bit of CQB uh all. the like explosives grenades more. shooting heavy weapons stuff like that. so every officer does that which other. services don't so I like applaud the. Marines for that that's that's super. cool so we were like the op four like. the bad guys for for all this training. stuff so I was in the woods or in the. field with these guys like my first year. I counted the days it was 3115 days and.

it wasn't like overnight but like some. would be like 9 to5 like for a week but. some of them like all you're out there. for three weeks straight and you're like. you're stinking and just like it's just. it's just bad but I learned so much and. um and then but everything was for them. everything was for the officers and I. get it but you know at the same time. it's like dude I have zero experience. and you want me to try to feed these. guys so we just kind of played war games. but uh we did a trip we were going to. teach some off mountaineering and I and.

most of us knew nothing this was our. first Duty stations actually at school. of infantry took all the names that. started with a p there's nine of us like. you're going to quanico like that's you. know that's not like based off of. anything it like okay alphabet somehow. the P's got chosen which sucked and um. so we go there uh to this to West. Virginia to learn mountaineering so we. spent three days out there learning to. repel make rope Bridges you know tying. all the knots of figurat how to like do. River Crossings all that stuff and I. like ate it up I was like oh my God.

there's like like cuz it was it was like. making me better um so there was like it. was training for us and I was like dude. this is awesome so I fell in love I was. like okay where do I get more of this. and obviously the answers would have. been like sniper school well kind of. failed that one Marine Force Recon. learned that their budget for gear and. Ops wasn't the greatest at the time they. weren't even attached to Socom I believe. so I was like all right let's go back. you looked into all that at that young. yeah wow that's impressive so I I look I.

asked questions I guess you could say. cuz there was a a guy that came from. Battalion Recon so you got Battalion at. the time I don't know how it's set up. now but you had Battalion Recon and you. had Force where force is my like you're. kind of like more of your the way it was. explained to me more your like your. hostage rescue kind of like your tier. oneish type where Battalion was more. just dudes that are more squared away. have better training kind of infantry. type like Rangers and for people that. are watching that that if I butcher it I.

apologize uh but that's what I was led. to believe uh by being told by guys that. were there and uh I was like all right. I'm going to go with my dream way back. when like I'm going to do the seal thing. so not even making sniper school and. then wanting to go to the hardest school. that I believe the military has to offer. the feedback from family and friends was. not of the most encouraging way it's. like dude like people don't make it. people don't do anything but it didn't. matter like my mind was like on it like.

it was on it like I I know I can do it I. just felt it like I I know I can do this. and so I crossed over and went to buds. you so there was no break in service you. just went I had one day break I couldn't. I tried to like sell back my leave like. you can just have my leave just get me. there as soon as possible I was like I. don't need the 90 because I had like 90. days or whatever saved. up uh and they're like no you have to. finish it out completely be out for one. day to so we can drug test you and all. that stuff. I was like yeah I'm going to get high on. this one day off before I could before I.

go in so you had to do the whole out. processing piece for the Marines then. you got to do the whole in processing. piece for the Navy which is a freaking. nightmare as you know uh so did that and. then had to go up to transitioning. Processing Unit which is up in Great. Lakes for other services veterans coming. in you go up there they kind it's really. like a it's. a it's a mess let's just put it that way. and so we you know your paperwork and. then had to do a a school like get a job.

in the Navy because there was no seal so. like there was no job that started I. think when we were in like a couple. years in and um so I went to Gunners mid. school right up there in Great Lakes. because it was something they they told. me it was close to infantry which it's. not not even close I learned about. circuits and positive and negative and. resistors which I still know nothing. about I know there's red and black and. positives and negatives that's about. that's where we sto. but you had to have a school so if you.

don't make it through they have a place. to put you right cuz I didn't want to go. open contract and end up on a ship. painting it or something like that so. did the school and went out to Buds and. uh it was awesome man it was everything. and more you liked buds I liked it it. sucked at times of course but just the. learning about my body what I can and. can't do and then the mindset piece of. it all I was like oh my gosh.

like we as humans have so much more. potential than our goals yeah like we. might have like I want to accomplish. this the truth is you you set your you. know the standard here bro you should be. shooting up here yeah we see it all the. time I see it all the time I'm sure I'm. sure you realize the same thing it's. like wait I can do way more than this. yeah way more you know when you're like. something as simple as like I can't do. any more push-ups I can't do anymore and. and then they're like hey you're you're. out of here if you don't knock out five.

more and you knock out seven so it's. like we can you know our our brain you. know brain is our our worst enemy and. it's our best asset plain and simple. what was your what was your favorite. part of. buds gosh I. really I really enjoyed like the. camaraderie of being with the boys I. really liked it I I liked the surf. torture. you liked surf torture I I mean it.

sucked I just I like fed off of it like. I get like if I do sparring or something. like that or whatever and I get my bell. rung it like amps me up I'm like ah yeah. okay like I'm I'm stimulated by a little. bit of pain okay and that would bring on. a little pain and just motivate me more. like you can't break me I just had that. you can't break me you can't break me. I'm getting stronger and stronger and. stronger and that's what I thought to. myself all the time and then seeing. people quit motivated me really yeah.

like all right it's not made for you. it's made for me though and I just I. would give myself that selft talk uh and. a lot of that got me through and and the. guy to my left and my right you know I. tried to hang out with the good people. the the one with the good personality. the ones that tried to make you laugh. not the one like this sucks when is this. going to end like I did like get away. from the toxicity so correct me if I'm. wrong but I believe 9/11 happened when. you were in buds second phase yeah what. was that like uh.

surreal it was it was weird I remember. was getting my tray uh was at the. cafeteria Galley chow hall whatever you. want to call it getting my food and I. was and I was walking out of the line to. the table area and you know on the. backside they got all these all the TVs. and like everyone's like paused it's. like someone hit pause on the remote and. you know the the frame stands still I'm. like what the heck's going on like I'm. not paying attention I'm looking looking. at my food like I can't wait to devour. this right I put my tray down and the. guys that I'm sitting down with they're.

like just star they're just glued to the. TV I'm like hey what's going on and they. just like point up and I'm like and all. I see is one of the I think one of the. one of the towers I don't know if it was. one or two one of the towers was was was. going up in smoke and then the second. one came in and I don't remember exactly. what I saw but I could I mean I could. tell it was an attack and right at that. moment it was like. okay did we just get attacked and then. you know the thoughts go will they push. us through training like going to go to. the fight it just you just kind of knew.

instinctively like hey like it's about. it's about to get real not that it. wasn't real before and and to say it. didn't change the mindset a little bit. would be uh don't disservice of that. whole event but yeah it kind of I mean. you know yeah it it's different it's. different when there's actively. something going on versus something. something could be going on which was. which is what the case was you know. first phase and a little bit of second. phase which just like you know we we'll. answer the call when it comes but now.

it's like okay the threat is imminent. it's real here it is let's go so it kind. of tweaked tweaked your brain a little. bit did you guys have any did you have. anybody quit after I mean nobody quits. after H week normally uh I don't think. we had anyone quit I mean we had you. know the basic injuries we had to roll. somebody but I don't think anyone quit. to my to my knowledge there was guys. that got kicked out you know uh that. that wasn't fit in the mold I guess. but I don't think anyone quit Okay so.

but I don't I'm not 100% on that you. know it is doe you're like looking. through your the toilet paper roll yeah. not seeing you know the big picture of. everything you're like God just like. just give me through this hour just give. me through this minute just give me. through the next 5 Seconds did the. instructor staff change at all um after. 911 my memory's a little foggy but I. mean they would have to I know one of. our instructors had a is his fiance or. wife was a uh flight attendant on a.

flight from somewhere to New York that. morning it wasn't her flight but I I. could see them doing stuff and we were. kind of we were kind of brought into the. classroom and kind of debriefed what was. known which wasn't a lot about what was. going on uh but you know you could see. it in their eyes you you can see it in. their eyes yeah yeah you could you can. see it so you finished buds you go did. you go to Team two right away team two. right away yep you went to team two I. wound up a team two later yeah cuz you. went to eight first I I went to eight.

first I went to two and when I got to. two you guys's platoon or your task unit. I guess I should say was like the golden. task unit I don't know what you guys did. it was we had the influence from our. tier one guys we're going to find out. what were you guys. doing what what were you guys doing over. there uh I mean you know we had our the. way it started you know the first couple. weeks cuz we jumped in right when workup. was starting I believe okay for the.

first. deployment uh and you know Iraq was I. think or sorry Afghanistan was going or. when did Iraq start kicking off Iraq. started kicking off right in. 2003 okay so I would have been it was. like during that time both of them were. kicking off so it was like okay where. are we going and we we know we didn't. know but we're assuming we're going to. go get in the fight but our our. leadership that came from from the other. side of the street our tier one guys.

they um they changed the whole way we. did business and they made it more like. them so instead of like hey we got two. platoon and you guys were all doing the. same stuff they kind of made it like hey. we got our Mobility guys we got our. sniper element and then we got our. assaulters and uh they changed it all. and so I was with the assaulting side. and just kind of fell in love with the. breaching and that deployment I just. want to go to breaching school but it. was rare for new guys to go unless there. was a spot yeah uh so I didn't go but I. was like this secondary breacher I would. like just I was mentored by a lot of lot.

of solid dudes um and uh just like hung. on to every word and just tried to like. soak up as much as possible and I just. fell in love with the breaching world. what did you think of the SEAL Teams. when you first showed up was it. everything you thought it was going to. be uh I thought it would be it had a. conventional taste to it and I only say. that after being at the tier one unit I. only say that I wouldn't have probably. known better but it was like oh we can't.

let you out until like 4: I was like are. we are we babies like if we had nothing. to do send guys home yeah especially. when you're always on training trips you. have deployments like we have a thing. called families and I think that's a a. problem we have is we want to know why. divorce rate is 90% a lot of it's based. off of stupidity because we think that. this is the way it's supposed to be dude. we we we preach this unconventional. mindset this that we are unconventional. we you we do the gorilla Warfare right.

but yet when it comes to you know. sticking to the 430 or 4:00 rule like. come on man like let's let's we're done. we're not we're not regular military. here yeah you're expecting guys to fight. and get shot at where did you wind up. deploying too on that first. one the first one we were kind of like. dragged around first we were told we're. going to Germany then we're going to. Guam then we're going to South America. and we were like the heck and then we. were going to Iraq and then I pulled out. then we went to Iraq so we we went to.

missou up north and we were just like. you guys are going to be doing Das we're. like really like yes like yes so we went. up there uh and our first two months was. up there and it was it was cool it was. really cool like it was it was eye. opening it's like just busting breaching. the doors down going in and kind of like. SWAT style but the whole time we did. there I don't I don't believe one shot. was fired I mean because you're not. obviously getting the the high value. targets the hvts you're getting kind of.

the lower ranking or whatever the Intel. says that we should be going uh but it. was cool it was like in the in the. progression in the progression of my. career and like inting the experience. it's probably it was awesome like it. wasn't like boom boom boom right away. mhm it was gradual that would come later. uh but it was good until and then you. know two months in we get the PSD piece. the the the security detail down in bag. dad uh when the interim government came. in so we packed up all our stuff which.

we weren't proud of yeah and to be. honest we. like didn't even train for PSD yeah. really so we were kind of like all right. this is what it looks like I mean we did. a little bit uh but not not like hey. this is going to be your mission. overseas here we're going to do a work. up for it we didn't do that uh it was. kind of like on the job training but you. know we pick you pick it up right yeah. you know like bad guys the way they. think think all right let's defend but. instead of you know up in bazo when.

you're you know when you're taking it to. the enemy when you're on the offensive. now you're on the defensive you're. waiting to get hit by the vehicle born. IED on the side of the road your guy. that you're watching or constantly. around is a. target uh I mean when we had aoi uh. years before he was up in uh England and. Saddam send his guys up there and and he. got send assassins to kill him and and. he had scars all over his face from. hatchets that they took to him when he. was sleeping and he survived it like it.

took him a year to come back but like. just seeing their scars on his face like. much respect you know and a lot of. people say he was DC's p uh puppet and. he might have been you know now that. we're learning right um about this. government uh I but I don't know but you. know the guy was anti Saddam I mean. especially when someone tries to kill. you I'm probably not going to be friends. with you after yeah so but it was it was. an experience that led to my company.

later so I can't uh it was it was good. to do yeah not fun at the time but it. was good to do pretty discouraging. probably it was very especially I mean. that's every team guy's dream I think. yeah kicking down doors right taking it. to the bad guy and then you got to go. watch somebody yeah I don't want to. Babys say you nothing against you I just. don't want to babysit you yeah I'm. trained to do. more yeah not when there's a war going. on exactly but so you come home do.

another. workup yep and during that time my. second child was born probably 3 months. for the second deployment so when I was. in the Marines found out that my first. daughter Kayla was born she was uh when. I was in the Marines so when we went out. to buds I she was two or three so I had. one one daughter and then before the. second one my second daughter came. Samantha so I think I left on that. second deployment was 3 months old was. that hard for you at the.

time it's sad as this is to say I don't. know I didn't want to leave but at the. same time I wanted to leave I wanted to. be over there like I was just itching to. get over there I just wanted to fight. like we don't you just don't go through. all this training and volunteer to be. put through hell right pretty much and. then just not then to to be back at home. uh yeah it was it was sad to leave and I.

missed him of course but I was like. that's where I'm supposed to be is. overseas that's that's where this is and. that's where this is so yeah and then. when I came back it was you know she. nine months old and just like it's. ridiculous wow so was that so the second. deployment was that the one we did. together that's the one we did together. so I think there. was three or four guys from our task. unit we had to get more guys on yours MH. so I volunteered cuz I've never been. Afghanistan so I was like yeah please. send me and I cuz I did not want to go.

to P PSD again yeah and uh I almost said. PTSD again because it's about the. same so uh I volunteered I was like I. don't care what I do just like get me. over there like because I heard the. fighting was more intense there was you. know was a a more formidable opponent uh. but I yeah I just wanted to be over. there so I volunteered right away to go. with you guys and I'm glad I. did yeah it was pretty boring [ __ ]. deployment if you ask me but yeah but it. was cool to see the landscape kind of.

get to know the people and that was like. my first like troop in contact encounter. it was nothing big but got to shoot the. 240 at some trees where we were getting. shot at yeah and I was like okay and. then just like what I was saying earlier. like with uh doing the Das in in Iraq it. was just a small progression like okay. you got your first like troop and. contact nothing crazy but it was just. like adding another layer of experience. so um I mean that's just the way I I. look at it cuz there's no other way to.

look at it yeah would after that so that. deployment got cut short we went down. and to kandah hard did a little bit of. stuff with the cansoft which didn't. really amount to much right and then. then I'm not really sure what happened. at the top level but I'm fairly certain. that we got kicked out of country I. believe you're right cuz we shut the. whole Camp down yeah was it camp oet or. something is that was called yeah we. shut it all down and then we went back. to back to Baghdad yeah so what did you.

guys do when you so we split ways there. I went to another platoon in Baghdad you. went to I believe your original platoon. yeah so I went back with them and they. were doing what they called a mentorship. for p PSD almost did it again uh PSD and. like training their like a Iraqis on how. to do it or other entities that were. taking over and it was a lot of sitting. down and then we we're like we got to do. something I mean the worst thing you can.

do is get a bunch of Team guys sitting. around doing nothing mhm it just good. things don't happen we're like a bunch. of children which that's fine like we. want to go operate that's that's what. we're created to do and that's like. that's what we feel right and. um finally we started getting some of. the sniper apps like I know solder city. was going crazy some guys got lucky to. you know drop some bombs and I think our. snipers and radiomen and Medics got a. lot of those which I was none of uh but.

got to do a couple sniper. Ops again no shots fired uh on where I. was I know a couple guys got some yeah. um was that who you were with that that. side our we were the lucky ones that. kept getting okay I thought so yeah yeah. I thought so but yeah nothing but it was. just cool to like another mission I. guess you could say to get experience on. doing mhm but it nothing and then I. realized like I don't ever want to be a. sniper this is so.

boring like I want to kick down doors. man yeah it it was it was it was great. experience it really was so from there. that was your was that your last. deployment at Team two okay yeah. so uh I I I screened or send in my. package to go over across the street to. a tier one unit and. um they pushed it back I was supposed to. get back and go right into like a month. later a couple weeks later and I got. pushed 6 months and started going go to.

the train our training Detachment and. then I told one of the guys I was an. operator over there and he did something. because he's like hey dude you're you're. going to you're doing the the to Green. Team like right away when you get back. and all I was doing that deployment was. jacking steel like me and Jason Workman. that's all we were doing when I got to. uh Baghdad was just jacking steel as. much as we could so I put on like. probably 10 pounds so I'm taking all the. supplements have my wife at the time. send over anything and everything just. like to try to bulk me up because I'm.

like if I'm not going to do anything at. least I can do is like just get bigger. and get stronger um but definitely not. faster so I was like crap I like started. stressing about the run I was like okay. I'm going to start running so I kind of. tapered off on the weights a little bit. and uh so like probably two or three. weeks later once we got back home or. total time I had to be doing that uh. screening test to get in and I passed. the run like I had no problem with any. anything else but the run I made by like. 12 or 13 seconds oh but it didn't matter.

as long as you pass they give you a time. as long as you pass it doesn't matter. how close you are yeah so but yeah so. you went right to Green Team right after. that deployment no downtime no doubt. maybe a couple weeks how's your wife and. family I mean what do they think of. that. uh I was very. self-absorbed I really I mean I I'm sure. I asked but my mind was made up like hey. here's what I'm going to do MH and I.

would justify as like hey we get more. money if I go over there versus over. here deployments are shorter like I. would get pretty much turned into a. Salesman where I wouldn't you know I was. like is that cool with you but I really. wasn't asking I was like is that cool. with you but inside I'm like I'm doing. this no matter what you say um and that. was kind of it but but she was. supportive from what I can remember she. was supportive but I mean the cracks. in my family life had they already they.

already started before you went over I. would. say I'd say they started around after my. first deployment okay the cracks you. know they weren't they weren't little. baby fractures anymore they were. splitting and uh it was starting to get. worse cuz I was partying hard yeah I was. drinking a lot mostly on trips when I. come home cuz the kids I really wouldn't. drink too much unless we had like a a. backyard barbecue or something uh but I.

noticed she was thr a more so I guess. she she was kind of coping with her own. you know dealing with it and I really. didn't take her into consideration at. all like I was like hey dude like suck. it up and that's just not the way to do. it and uh so that that didn't help I did. not help I I mean I take ownership that. I I really failed I think I was. definitely majority if not soulle owner. breaking that marriage apart for sure. like I just I was so self-absorbed all I.

cared about was the teams I cared more. about the boys than her yeah do you. think that looking back now do you think. drinking was definitely part of the. culture yes at that time oh of course. yeah I. mean yeah it's better than. cocaine or heroin you know what I mean. so I mean and of course in our society. it's socially. acceptable what not L acceptable is when. you're you know just doing it to try to. go to sleep and and my in my brain and I.

wasn't like cuz I didn't really see too. much in those those first two. deployments I really didn't see like a. bunch of dead bodies you know your. buddies getting destroyed I I didn't see. that in the first one I mean I think the. the biggest thing that I saw was that. probably that second deployment it was. the first deployment there a huge. roadside bomb and I remember going out. to the the Prime Minister wanted to go. out there and look and I remember just. seeing like shoes lining the streets cuz.

and the people blown out of their shoes. from the from the over pressure yeah but. their shoes remained and it was and it. was it was a crazy sight and I was like. oh man and like it's one of those images. that you like you don't forget but uh I. really didn't see or really experience. the stuff that you're like man that was. a close one or like woo like well like. okay that's all right we're good yeah. not those first two deployments well. before we get into. the next step in your career let's take. a quick break let's do it.

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do you get numb to that I mean do do you. even care anymore that I mean these are. all key players or I think I got a. little more numb as the years went by uh. I think there's an evolution and empathy. that occurs in combat that people don't. talk about very. often Christians in the Middle East have. been persecuted for years Sadam was one. of those people that was a part of that. process in my last deployment I went to. uh the hook right around there there was.

this compound with these hooks that came. out of the. walls. yesterday December the. 13th at around 8:30 p.m. Baghdad time. United States military forces captured. Saddam Hussein. alive uh they shifted over and hit the. next Farm uh and then yeah shortly after. that they uncovered the rug with the.

Rope to the cork plug in the Hole uh. pulled the cork out and saw this looking. down on a guy pulled him out of the hole. and it was. Sadam just hearing that and being in. that place was made me realize how evil. that son of a [ __ ] actually. [Music]. was Christmas Day. 2003 we had caught Saddam on December.

13th this is 2 weeks later and it was. Christmas morning and we're like what. the heck is that and we're like. listening and we walk and we look over. and we look over the balcony and down on. the lower level is these guys that work. for us that are singing Christmas carols. for the first time probably ever damn in. English because they were so happy that. they were in a place where they weren't. going to be prosecuted for their. religious.

[Music]. beliefs all right Eddie we're back from. the break you wrapped up. your fairly short career at Seal Team 2. you're moving on on to Development Group. let's talk about what that transition.

looked like I was excited you know it. was it was like you know you hear the. stories like they're doing these. operations and you know they get in. these firefights and again I still. didn't know what I was asking for um but. I just wanted to be there I was so. excited I I was like it was like. Christmas daily being over there was. like Christmas uh I mean just some great. operators they treat you. uh like a season operator I mean you're. still learning from everyone these these.

guys got so much experience and I just. ate it up uh great influences man I mean. just the the mentors that they were and. then you know they took you under your. wing and you just show you the way they. kind of operate and it was just it was. awesome it it was super awesome like I. loved it what was Green Team like. showing up there uh it was good I mean. you're you're around all the guys that. are you know are putting out to get to. that that you know the uh next rung on. the ladder and uh it was I think green. team was harder than buds really it.

seemed like there was more stress you. had more to prove your your ego was kind. of more on the line okay like you know. you you could go back to the to the. teams back to team two as a um I mean. you would call yourself a failure like I. failed or whatever it is not to saying. that like and the guys that didn't make. it through they they're they're great. individuals great operators but just it. wasn't I guess what they're looking for. and um it was tough man it was extremely. tough but you know the main thing they. concentrated on was CQB and that.

happened to be my strong suit it just. like it was like I can just walk in a. room and I can process really fast uh I. can't process in the relationship world. but we're with my children but for some. reason you know on CQB that just I just. got it like I just understood threat bad. guy done not you know hostage don't do. anything wrong like I just I just I just. got it like I comper him in the Angles. and doorways and windows I just got it. and uh and and I say that humbly I just.

and there's so many other things that I. really took me a long time to get like I. just didn't I wasn't that great at it uh. I guess probably more of the passion. piece uh but there's nothing cooler than. going through a hallway running and. gunning and like peeling off coming back. out of the hallway going to the next. room like what do we got it's like a. surprise behind every door you just. don't know what you get uh but it was I. strived in that I did really good um and. I'd say probably you know the two things. that I found in green team that they. they get rid of you for was uh well.

minus your if you have an attitude or. you're just like don't fit the mold was. CQB in the beginning of it all if you do. a crazy safety violation throughout and. then jumping if you know you're not. landed on the a you're not deploying. correctly because I mean when you're. asked to be at altitude at night time. stacking to fly into wherever you got to. you got to be I mean dudes die and uh I. remember one I talked about talk about. this in the book is like it was like our. final jump like our final test jump and.

I came down with strip and I had like a. 102 103 I mean it was hallucinating I. was I was out and they came in like one. of the instructors like hey do you got. to jump and I was like hey can I just do. it tomorrow like just let me pump in. some meds and he's like no he's like you. have to do it now and I was like all. right so I went to got the medic and I. was like Hey dude I don't know what you. have to do pump me up with do something. and get me on that freaking bird and and. I dude I I thought I was like I would I. mean if you have a strey for and you.

have a t that K sucks and you want me to. jump out of a plane which I didn't like. to begin with uh and I was like screw it. dude I I really didn't care if I burned. in and I got up there and I even think. that there was only a couple guys that. needed to pass like they let me alone. cuz they knew I was sick and like okayy. just you get this is your. shot and uh I just kind of like fell out. of the plane you know stabilized myself. pulled and then I I landed where I was. supposed to I was good to go took off my.

shoot dropped it right there in the DZ. and went right up to my rack and went. back to bed I I was done man but uh that. was probably the hardest piece uh minus. the runs it's always the runs dude that. is like yeah like take the knife out of. my freaking back dude this sucks I hate. the runs but those are probably the two. hardest things that I thought but it was. again the camaraderie it was all it was. kind of like buds on steroids like hey. everything's operational like we're. doing you know an FMP a full mission.

profile uh it it was cool like it was it. was exactly where I wanted to be it was. exactly what I wanted it was awesome and. then the. final stage of that and I actually heard. this on uh Shipley's is uh was sear. School the final thing yeah and the. final thing or the exercise is they drop. you off wherever and you have to make. make your way back to the command uh out. there where to the schoolhouse and you.

have no money you have no IDs and you. have to figure it out how far are you. they I think they said like 20 miles or. something 20 miles she kind of like got. a smoo yourself and all that stuff but. what we did was took a razor blade and. we cut in the soles of our shoes and we. put like our ID and wrapped some. hundreds around it stuffed it in there. cuz I check you and uh soon as I dropped. a off found a cab went to a. bar got.

ripped and uh I was with Marcus Capone. and we get back we get to the. schoolhouse like one guy is coming in. with a case of beer this is like an Air. Force freaking School the final stage of. Green Team not pay we're just so excited. like we just did it like it's over you. know it's it's all good and uh we come. in hammered I mean I was hammered and we. almost got kicked out had go see the. master chief when we got back uh to to. our Command back in uh back in.

Virginia and I was like are you kidding. me the last day I'm about to get kicked. out like I am a [ __ ] like I am an idiot. and uh they kept. us and I was I was I was scared I was. like man like what I what what I do yeah. I was like that this is stupid what like. come on man grow up what did they say to. you just kind of like again don't. remember exactly the words but like hey. we can't do that we represent this. command uh just can't be doing that.

stuff you got to do the course to get. the experience all that stuff and I was. like I understood I mean I was humbled I. was like I'm sorry uh whatever I I can't. remember what I had to do I'm sure I had. to do. something uh but there was a punishment. and I I I can't recall what it is but it. didn't matter they didn't kick me out. and I got to graduate and go uh with my. you know with my Squadron so that was. literally the last last day last event. all we had to do was fly home holy [ __ ].

damn dude dumb that would have changed a. lot of things a lot of things but for. some reason man for some reason yeah you. know you had mentioned that a lot of. solid seasoned operators didn't make it. through for whatever reason that's not. what they were looking for do you can. you describe maybe. what the Seal Team 6 command is looking. for an operator I I think. um out of the box thinkers I think.

that's a big thing a team player. mhm um I wouldn't say someone that goes. with the flow they just went out of the. box thinkers and some of the guys that. were awesome they would just get. flustered and do the same safety. violation like three three or four times. in a row like just cuz it's it's a lot. of stress man it's a lot of stress uh. and then you just got this Cadre these. instructors just like watching you and. they don't miss a thing I mean you you. know for buds right like they they say.

it all it's like dude how'd you how'd. you see that but um yeah I I I really. just think like you like kind of put it. like you didn't fit the mold or I heard. and this I believe this is probably true. is and I know from being up there you. get a list of Green Team. guys and you right there like this guy's. not a this guy's a turd there this guy's. a turd this guy's good to go and you. write it down like this guy's a turd and. you got to obviously give a reason and.

I'm sure some of those guys still some. of those guys aren't invited and some of. those guys are invited but watch that. guy because I'm sure if you got one guy. saying this and another guy saying the. opposite you know they got to you know. do the right thing but there's some of. that how much of that is legitimate. turds versus personality. conflict I can't really speak on that. piece uh but there's there has to be. some personalities I mean some people.

take things very personal like they had. to run in mouthin off whatever it is I. really didn't like what you did you an. idiot when you were drunk you did this. when you were drunk it usually comes. down when you're. drunk uh so yeah I mean it comes down to. a lot of things and it's it's. nerve-wracking you're like you're going. to tell me I can't go before I even get. there to prove myself yeah uh but you. know there is a little bit of politics I. would think into it but I don't know the. grand scheme of it all so I would I. would you saw that list come around a.

lot when you were I saw you know when. new green teams would come in if you're. if you're in town um and I even think. you'd get it overseas and you would just. kind of eyeball don't know anybody all. right cool like whatever it is like hey. we need to get this guy this guy's. awesome like freaking yeah yeah it just. depends I mean the same time you're like. dude this guy's awesome like he's got to. get in like and they they I think they. they have to take that in to make. decisions because you know there's. always more than you know they only have. so many slots versus the guys that are. applying yeah or that you know requested.

to be there so they got to do their due. diligence so you graduate what how do. they determine where you're. going uh they have a. draft kind of thing. um and I think a lot of it is like. having good buddies at certain squadrons. kind of pulls you that way I mean I had. the guys that I was a team too with I. mean I ended up with you know with my at. my Squadron because of those guys. they're already over there yeah they.

were there they came back and um and so. I'm sure they you know rallied for me to. go there but then it's like you meet a. good buddy a good instructor that's at a. different a different color and you're. like uh what do I do cuz this guy's told. me this I'm like I don't know I'm like I. don't know anything just get me up there. yeah but uh I went where I was supposed. to go so you went over to Gold Squadron. yep there are a few people in the. military that have experienced more loss. than gold Squadron in your time.

frame which we'll get into chills yeah. but I want to say that because it is I I. can't think of any unit that has. experienced more loss than you guys we. went through the. ringer and it was a weird time yeah it. was very weird how was it showing up to. Gold. phenomenal phenomenal just walking in. seeing the pictures. seeing the stuff on the wall you got you. know HUD and C's freaking goldplated.

guns hanging up you're like there's like. AK-47. chandeliers it's just it's awesome it's. just like big old table in the middle. it's like nights of the Round Table it. it was it was awesome it was the coolest. thing in the world and the people that. were in that room made it the coolest. place in the world I mean they're. professionals like the number one thing. that was always talked about is doing. your job J better and better and better. and better and pushing you and pushing. you and it wasn't like you're a turd.

like figure it out it was like hey let. me show you how to do it and it was. awesome like it it was it was a great. show of leadership and camaraderie and. teamwork it was it was the coolest thing. that I've ever experienced which is. great being out and you see other. organizations other businesses and. they're not doing a quarter of it it's. like man you can really fix yourself if. you do certain things wow so it it was I. have nothing nothing but respect for the. men over there that I served with I mean. they were they were true heroes was it a.

welcoming environment or was it a what. are you doing here who do you think you. are there's always a little bit of. heckling but it's in good fun it wasn't. stupid it was it was fun but it's more. like hey you're a part of the team man. here's your gear we all love gear yeah. how many guys went over there with. you uh from your green team I'd say. probably five or six I think five or six. I think so.

um Adam Brown was one of them oh Adam. was one of them we were in the same. green he was uh was a team leader at. Green Team he was in my uh Team. dom dom what over with me we all we all. went over together oh and a couple other. guys so what happens when you get in. there uh you know you get all checked in. you get your cages your your your. beautiful cage I heard Chipley talk. about that too it's it's so like you.

know we got the cages right but just. like seems like every time you come back. to your cage there's like a little. package like Santa just came and dropped. it off more gear it's like dude like. where do I put this stuff like I need. another cage like there's just so much. gear like for different regions. different uh climates all that stuff. different. missions and I'm like I don't even know. what this is but like okay I'll put on. my shelf over here of things I don't. know what it what it is I need to learn. uh but but it was cool dude and then you. you know you do the uh again which I.

talk about in here you do the yard. yarding in you know we got the big yard. of beer and they drop in a couple shots. down it start to say a little speech I. tell you to shut up you get your patches. and those patches man holding those. patches it was like better than my. Trident getting my seal Trident which. was a great time I don't want to take. away from that but it's was just like. dude this. this since I was a kid is what I wanted. to do is be here and finally go get to.

to fight like really fight and I say. that not knowing what really fight meant. yeah you know you don't realize it until. you're till you're doing it uh but it. was dude it. was it was the it would be like if. Christmas Fourth of July and. Thanksgiving and every other cool. holiday plus your birthday were wrapped. into one.

day that would be it nice it was awesome. for me you know each one of the. obviously I never spent any time over. there so I don't know and I am curious I. hear each and I've picked it up. especially with gold. um there seems to be kind of a culture. or a Vibe at each Squadron and from what. I've been able to gather just from. knowing you and Dom and Adam Brown and.

you know some of our other mutual. friends that wound up going over to Gold. it seems like Golds were everybody that. I know went for the most part but seemed. to be. very religious seem to be a very. religious God-fearing. Squadron that's funny you say that cuz. I've never thought about that really. no I was never I was not a man of faith. when I was in at all but I mean if you.

look at it the Crusader yeah we have. crosses and a lot of those guys were you. know their faith was strong and uh yeah. but and again I don't know other ones. you know what the other squadrons are. doing but yeah that'd be fair to say. that'd be fair to say was there a lot of. praying and uh not that I was a part of. I mean to be quite honest with you I'd. be like get that crap away from me okay. if someone was pushing it in my face but.

at the same time I was always I was kind. of like what I like to say Christ. curious like what does that exactly what. does that mean and I I remember asking. Adam and Dom a lot like hey you know I. been asked stupid questions like what. book do you like better the Old. Testament or the New Testament not. knowing what the heck I'm even asking. like what what kind of question is that. and uh and I would ask dude and I would. just try to like get just a little bit. of information before I get get to it. probably good to to give you a little. background on that which I've.

kept locked up forever until this it's. when I was my parents went through a. divorce probably when I was seven or. eight years old um and I was in my bed. one night and like if you can just. imagine a room I'm against on the far. side of by my window my bed was there. and then the doors on the other side and. I wake up for some reason I look over. and I see. Christ I see. Jesus and I knew who Jesus was and I and.

I my mom never took me to church a lot I. went a couple times but you know you. always see the picture I knew who Jesus. was where did you see him in my room. where in a closet on the wall he was. standing in the middle of the room and. he was transparent I could see my. bookshelf that was behind him and he. just stood there he made no facial. expressions kind of had a u like a a. glowing light to him long brown hair. beautiful face like just perfect who was.

he wearing a white robe a white robe and. you could I just remember I could see my. books behind him because he like I was. like Wow and I didn't know what to think. I didn't know I didn't know and I looked. over and you know I'm looking at him and. I'm just like and I'm I'm not scared I'm. not screaming I'm just so I'm getting. chills man I'm soaking this in and I'm. not knowing what anything is I was awake. wake and I saw. that and for however long he was there.

he vanished and soon as he vanished my. room was the blackest of black I've ever. seen in my entire life it was so dark. and the fear that came over me was. overwhelming it was the scariest thing. it ruined it wrecked me really soon as. that Darkness hit and I tried to scream. for my mom and I couldn't and I finally. got the courage and I guess you could. say strength I I was like paralyzed and. I went to her room and I really didn't. say anything I don't know if I mumbled.

anything or like hey I saw something or. whatever it was uh but I freaking um. went to bed in her room and. then the the next couple nights just. thinking about it wasn't the greatest. sleep but I was scared so I would I'd. covered my head up turn on you know my. use a nightlight which I never did. before I mean a nightlight that was like. pretty much Batman's fre signal it was. so bright I was like dude I don't want. any more of this stuff I was like this. sucks like that that scared me um and I.

was confused I didn't know like and I. and like a couple days later probably. about a week later I think I somehow my. arms made it out of my little protective. Fortress of my of my blankie and uh I. felt tickling in my arm I heard. Orchestra like organ music you know. dorans or whatever at church get at. church yeah which is the creepiest sound. in the world and I I feel tickling and I. wake up and nothing's nothing's there. just my light and I'm like freaking out. I'm like what is going on and I the.

chills are ridiculous right now like. seeing it all I go to my mom's room. again and just just a lot of weird. things. happened during that time during my. parents divorce but I know what I saw. and I know I was awake when I saw it and. um to me Jesus became the boogeyman. I want nothing to do with him keep it. away from me I don't want to be near you.

I don't want to see you it was so bad I. went over to spend night spend uh spend. the night with a friend that that I met. at seventh grade when I switched schools. like I we were were awesome played. basketball together like just cool dude. went over to his house not knowing his. father was a. pastor and we and he like kind of had a. loft uh where where we were going to. sleep for the night and I was walking up. the stairs and on the left there was a. picture and it was Jesus's. face and. instantly I was like I got to leave I.

called my mom and had her pick me up I. was like. wow this hurts to talk. about I was scared to death of him I. slept under my covers until I was a. sophomore in high school are you serious. I was scared to death of him I'd be. sitting on my couch watching freaking. say by the. Bell and I. would make myself think about Jesus.

busting in like a Navy SEAL and taking. me away from my. parents just scooping me up and taking. me away to God knows. where I would have those thoughts often. I I I I painted this picture that he was. he was evil he was wrong he was bad and. I didn't know anything about him did he. ever reappear no no I mean other ways. which we'll get to but. uh no that was I mean I didn't want.

anything to do with him I did not want. anything to do with him whatsoever I. wouldn't I mean I you know I you know. got married at a church my my first. marriage and went to other Weddings But. I would never go to church I didn't want. to stand I don't want to be around I. would drive by one and I would cringe I. was scared I I was scared I was. extremely. what was it that helped you overcome. that fear after you were a.

sophomore that came a little later um do. you want to go in timeline or you want. me to jump to it we'll go in Timeline. okay we'll go on timeline well it is. very strange that you had this. connection to Jesus as a young young kid. all the way up what through high school. and then you wind up at gold team as I. mean I'm do they they call you a. crusader heck yeah yeah so interesting. so you get over to gold team we covered.

the culture a little bit. um what's the cycle like kind of like. you know being a team two you know you. do your you you do your individual kind. of work up going to schools I mostly did. breaching schools or lockpicking alarm. bypass just like the fun stuff like I. just dude I was that's all I wanted to. do I mean there's other schools you do. um. but mostly was breaching stuff like I. just wanted to be a breacher and uh so.

you do that then the second you know few. months you're kind of working together. as your team then your troop and then. you're on standby for any real world. calls um you're alert as what you'd call. it where you have to be have to be. within you you have to respond come to. the command within a certain time limit. to be to be there to a real world event. anywhere in the globe and uh that's a. few months and then you go on your. deployment and then you just repeat the. that. cycle and every we just rotate our. squadrons just rotate doing that stuff. did you jump into a full cycle or I came.

in I came in right when they got back. okay they were back. for I think they came back a week later. okay and then they went on their leave. did a little family time somewh some. stayed and then we were back in the. cycle so you got you know guys walking. around they just got all this experience. they're doing all they did all this. crazy stuff they're they're telling the. stories you're just like I want to be a. part of these stories and um so it was. cool and they you know they they all.

were experienced they were all. experienced they all had multiple. deployments over to either Iraq or. Afghanistan they just they knew the deal. they knew how to fight they they were. Fighters they were Warf Fighters they. knew the. deal and they kind of raised me so at. that point I mean you know for a fact. you're going to get what you came in to. do figh you're fighting no doubt in your. mind mind no doubt in your mind there is. no I hope we it's when we I can't wait.

to that's what it was how long was it. when you showed up to Gold before your. first. deployment 6 n months that's it. something like. that how was that where'd you guys go uh. first one. was Iraq Western Iraq nothing but DA's. all da it was breaching nonstop non-stop. breaching kicking.

indoors shooting dudes every night. multiple times a night I wouldn't say. every night I mean there'd be like the. stent of like Hey we're going you know. it's like hey this is the 10th day we've. gone out and we're getting it on I mean. there' be like a day or two here that we. you know there was nothing going on or. we're letting something develop but for. the most part you're going out man so. when you got when you got over there you. got on your first appointment to Iraq. you know. in a regular Seal Team it's you're. probably going to I mean I don't know I.

can't remember it seemed like three. weeks maybe even a month before you. really start getting into a type of. GrooVe when you go over with Team. Six is it like that or your targets are. developed by the guys are relieving they. pass their target set off to you okay. and so you're running and gun it man so. you drop your bags in your you got about. 1 to three days that's a. to to get it to get ready for. it and you're you're on I mean it's it's.

game time who are you guys going after. usually your hvt your high value targets. I mean some mvts medium value but uh I. mean whoever Intel is telling you this. is you know this is the cell we need to. hit or this little tribe whatever you. want to call them that's what you would. do and you. know I think I can recall maybe one or. two dry holes do you want to describe. Des your very first. hit I I can't remember okay I can.

remember my first. kill I can't remember my first hit do. you want to talk about your first kill. sure uh we. were remember the guy he was wearing his. white man jammies and he had like black. and white peppered hair or peppered hair. and at this T compound at this. particular compound they were they were. sleeping outside usually they're up on. the roof uh and in you know in summer it. was it was summertime but they were in. the in the courtyard or the like outside. so there's like these little bodies and.

these little bodies and you can hear our. our wrecky guys our snipers you can. hear their silenc 45s just taking dudes. out taking their little sentries out and. I'm like okay that's like cool sounding. this is probably my my I don't. know 10th timeout maybe uh never found. myself in the right position I'm like. and I was hungry I was like oh God I. think Dom got his first one I'm like God. I would it be you and uh and he like you. can just see the smile on his face I'm. like oh give it to me please and uh so.

this dude and his his wife was were were. sleeping on the ground and we're coming. up and it was enough to go white light. and I just see him reach over and he and. I can see the pistol grip goes for it. and then I just dropped him just dropped. him right there but he was already down. just shot him there as he lay and and I. remember one thing that was so crazy. about that is his wife right next to him. did not make any peep did not cry she.

just looked over and just stayed there. she sat up that was it she had no. emotion are you kidding and I was. like that's that's weird right it's. weird it was very weird it's like she. knew his time was coming she was just. waiting for the night for us to hit him. do you think she was. relieved possibly I mean who knows I she. could have been forced to be there but. she had I mean I would be led to believe.

that if we have no emotion I mean seems. so I hope my wife would cry or. something but there was nothing man it. it was just seemed very weird and then. we just like take on the targets and. then that feeling of putting those. bullets into him was just. like h. I know crack is extremely addictive. extremely I've never done it but you. hear the stories right talk to some.

prior users or. whatever that feeling was like I was. like I want my life to be this feeling. like I want to shoot as many bad guys as. I possibly can and that was my mission. is. like bad guy you're going you're going. down like that was I mean that's what. we're there for anyways MH is to take it. to him and I was I loved it I loved it I. like it was my oxygen it was the blood. that ran through my my system do you.

remember all of. them no uh at times I'll think about. something or I'll see something it will. make me think of one uh but I can't. there's no way I mean there's dozens I. can't think of them. all how many times was it just you. engaging a bad guy versus our whole team. or something yeah dozens lot yeah I mean. I never kept. count I tried to.

and not much luck I I mean a lot I mean. probably 50ish or something around there. solo ones I mean not not including. assists or whatever it is did you did. that feeling ever start to. change I wanted a more you wanted a more. I wanted a more as time went on I wanted. a more. especially when you you know you get. into our later deployments and your. buddies are. passing and it just it stir something up.

and you just want to take it to them I. mean you want to take it to them and. just get their evil once you really. learn what they do to women and. children to an American Convoy to other. people other contractors or whatever we. had I mean we had to paint a picture for. you what I mean is we had one op where I. took a shot on a guy he was he was. reaching for his AK he like head in his. hand he was like about ready to swing it.

around dropped. him and I don't know why I felt this way. but I felt a little bit of remorse like. I was like man what like I just felt. bad it wasn't like it wasn't a Justified. shooting it just it felt weird it felt. different than the other ones just felt. weird and so I was curious so I we get. back from the op and I go to the you. know our Intel Shack and I'm like hey. man if you find anything on this dude. you know we do our pick up whatever they. have at their at the Target and uh. exploit it I was like hey if you find. anything like please come get me and a.

couple hours later he like hey follow me. so we go to his little computer and one. of the CDs we found it's this guy that I. just took out he's got KBR contractors. truck drivers from like the. Philippines staked on the side of like. this highway in Iraq they're tied up. with their hands behind their back and. their feet wrapped around the post and. there's. probably I'd say somewhere between three.

and. five and this guy these guys where this. one dude was one of them was doing. ballistics on them he would stab him he. would shoot him in different parts not. like shoot him in the head and like take. him out but like your leg your. side stab them stab them here and they. were just they were just they were. laughing and they were giggling and I. was. like how could you do that and then I'm.

like you're dealing with pure evil. that's how you do it I mean it's pure. evil and uh that was one of the times. something a thing kind of changed I was. like you get you get no more remorse. from me you don't you get nothing I. don't feel sorry for you at all and I. was like after that like things upped it. yeah I was. like if there was a way to kill harder I. sure heck was searching for it did that.

did you see that early in your career. what do you mean that specific. incident saw was. probably man I mean they all kind of run. together I'd say probably third or. fourth deployment okay over there how. many deployments did you do probably. third total of seven okay five with um. the. dev was were you always privil to that.

kind of information you. know seeing you hit a guy at a Target or. you the team takes somebody out or you. take somebody out in the Intel team does. the SSC and the target you guys always. get to see the information in in in in. the the what am I searching for the like. what they find pretty much it not all of. it what these guys have been responsible. for doing some we do but it's like a. it's like Cliff note version like a.

couple liners hey this is what they were. doing they just hit this Convoy last. that killed you know five Americans. you'll hear about that but not like the. details like we've been looking for this. guy for x amount of years unless you. really want to know and you just go talk. to them and they'll tell you you know. you get the information okay that guy I. wanted to know about and he showed me. had I not probably asked him I never. would have known about that I'm glad I. did but. it kind of calloused me we hear the word. callous right military oh we're getting. callous like yeah you're right we are.

and there's a reason for it and yeah. just heart of my heart I look at I. looked at Humanity a little bit. differently yeah I can. imagine so you went to Iraq for your. first deployment at some point in. time the area of operations changed for. Development Group in Delta Delta took. Iraq Development Group took Afghanistan. I don't believe there was much. crossover yeah so when did that. happen that's kind of a jumble when all.

that happened but we kind of got kicked. out because the Army wanted to get their. they wanted to be where the fight was. and then when we moved it blew up over. in Afghanistan so then they're like oh. crap we want to go there they're like. chasing it we were just you got it you. know what I mean but we were still. sending guys to um Tyra we we were both. places okay we're in multiple places and. I think that one when all that was going. on I think I was back in Iraq again I.

think I think I only did. two to Afghanistan and the rest were. Iraq oh really yeah there majority of. them were Iraq for me I mean it did. couple like full ones over in. Afghanistan okay more in. Iraq we came home from your first. deployment with gold how did you feel. after that you had you had been very. busy yeah uh kind of numb and just went. down the rabbit hole a little bit more. of like hey this is priority the.

country's priority shooting bad guys is. priority I don't want any I don't and I. put the kids in my family behind me and. I mean not behind me as I like left them. but uh you know that like I said those. fractures turned into cracks they turned. into gaping holes and it was getting. worse and it's getting worse and I was. doing nothing about it to try to make it. better my wife would at the time was. like we go to counseling I said. counseling's stupid I'm not going uh and. just wanted to be on trips I would.

volunteer for any and every trip just to. be away from my. house uh I just didn't want to deal with. the emotions I didn't want to deal with. the the noise. of and this this. is this is the truth but it's it sucks. to say I didn't want to deal with the. school my kids school I didn't want to. deal with you know the freaking we're. having a plumbing problem I did not want. to deal with hey can we talk about. what's going on in our marriage I didn't. want to deal with any of that I was like. leave me alone I want to play with my.

gear and I want to go overseas like. that's all I want to do that's all I. wanted to do that's it I. mean things were okay you know but you. could just like like it just the the. root of evil in our freaking marriage. was just coming through and it was just. like I started looking at her with. disgust. uh why I just she would not knowing it. that was really me causing it she was. drinking a lot and I was getting ticked.

off like you can't be drinking all the. time my anger started getting worse her. anger was getting worse I mean to the. point where she during Green Team um she. tried to commit suicide no during Green. Team so before Green Team man I'm like. and I knew like this has happened before. like it happened one other time when was. at team to uh she downed a bunch of. pills I had to take her to the hospital. get her freaking pumped her stomach. pumped to pretty much save her life I'm. like jeez like what are you doing so. before green to I knew that this was.

there so before green to I'm like hey. like please I need to concentrate on. this like this is like my brain. everything needs to be into this like I. have got to be 100% Allin I have to and. she's like of course of course I'm here. to support you all that stuff and it was. like I maybe a couple months in uh it. was a seal reunion was in town for the. first time I'd ever been so we went and. uh sitting down with a buddy and his. wife and my wife and we were having a. couple drinks and I guess she she got.

irrit she always got irritated if like. she wasn't like the center of communic. like center of the conversation and. we're just talking about stuff we're. talking about Green Team mostly and you. know we're interjecting and like we're. talking about other things and all that. stuff and she got like irritated she's. like pulls me aside like hey why why. aren you talking to me or I'm like dude. if you want to talk like engage in the. conversation like we're having a we're. in a group setting and she got weird she. stormed off and and about an hour later. I get a call from the babysitter we had. at that time two children so both my. daughters and she's like something's.

wrong she's like uh Leah your wife. called and said or texted like take care. of the kids and she's like it really. worried me so I'm letting you know I was. like of course you did I'm like here we. go again and so I get a. call or text I don't know if te yeah te. I think texting was yeah and um. something she communicated to me she's. like I'm at a hotel you will not find me. I'm like this and she's like this is it. and I was like gosh and I really just.

wanted to be like it's a cry for. help like let's get like I really just. want to be here and drink with the boys. that's I mean so sub like just bad. things so I started calling hotels. trying to find out where she was it was. on the fifth time uh I asked if she. checked in and she did I was like you. need to go to her room get her out cuz. she's trying to commit suicide right now. so they went up there she wouldn't. answer the door I was like you need to. get the cops there right now so we got. the cops there and I was like you need.

to and I gave him permission like you. can bust down that door I'm like I will. pay for whatever the damages are and get. her they go in there she's in the. bathtub by the bathtub with just blood. soaked towels everywhere. she sliced her wrists it was a bad one. it's bad enough where she got put to a. psych wward for a few weeks I believe. believe so her parents came down to. watch the kids so I could finish off. training and it was just like so every.

night I'd be done with training. exhausted smoked and I'd go see her so. walking in sitting down at a table which. just like very weird you know she comes. out in a robe and what do you. say I have no idea what do you yeah I. didn't either what did you say I don't. know I was like I mean you can't like. what are you doing like what's wrong. with like I'm sure there was some of. that like suck it up was always my go-to.

like suck it up like what are you doing. like it's fine like what what are you. flipping that about no compassion. whatsoever zero compassion from what I. can recall I mean that was really me in. the day which just zero compassion I. would show some to my kids of course. uh not to. her not to her at all I mean there'd be. those rare instances where itd be like H. everything's perfect this is so cool but. for the most part just I want to go work. that's all I want to do is go work damn.

man but that was that was a that was. rough that week I think a week or two. she was there and I was. like thankfully we were in town doing. whatever training at the command so it. wasn't no crazy bad but dude it was just. like and all I wanted to do was leave. and go get like rest go see my kids I. didn't want to be there you did want to. see your kids though yeah I did want to. see my kids like that yeah I always. wanted to see my kids always want to see. my kids were they old enough to put. together what was going on at that time.

uh I don't think so I think my oldest. now she can remember things she'll talk. about it she's like I didn't know this. after you know she read the book she's. like uh excuse me listened to the book. she's like I'd thought that when this. happened that this happened so but she's. like I I I could I get it now like okay. so I mean she she knows but I never. really told him or I mean I never told. him about any of this stuff yeah. uh until my oldest was like. 18 they didn't know anything and I got. thrown under the bus by their mother for.

years I never said anything because it. didn't matter I wasn't going to tear. their mom apart yeah I didn't want to do. that that's not okay no matter what she. did to. me well you went back you went back to. let's get back to deployment schedule. you went back did you go to Afghanistan. your second deployment man I don't know. I I think Iraq I think okay and I I I. can't remember I think this.

was uh when we. lost Mike Nate and. Louie and I don't know if it was I think. it was like the third or fourth. deployment somewhere in there I I really. can't they they all seem to mesh. together uh but that deployment that. that's the one that changed my world um. we did we went to a Target and our team. our troop kind of broke off we had three. different buildings to hit and I went to. one or my team went to one and then the.

other guys hit like another compound. maybe 500 yards down the down this dirt. road and. uh we get up on the wall because we're. doing call outs because we don't want to. go in because this network was known for. suicide vest uh a lot of them because we. we shot a couple dudes and every one of. them every single one of them had a. suicide vest every one of them and uh so. I'm up on this wall and I my vantage. point is I can see through the door and. it's light inside dark outside there's. maybe a couple like dim dimmer lights on.

the outside the exterior of the building. and I could see in there and a guy stops. like right where my vision is so I got. my not even can't even use my DOT. because it's light in there so I'm going. to Red Dot uh on them uh with my doubler. and I'm just on them so I can see them. but I couldn't tell what he had he had. something on his waist but I couldn't. tell and I saw kids like pretty much. when I could tell someone was around the. way I see kids come in I think like two. or three and he like brings them in and.

he Clacks himself. off whoa so those kids just evaporated. he evaporated and that roof of that. house lifted up and by the time it. settled down that over press pressure. got to me and I was knocked off onto my. back and I was like trying to come to. like what was kind of you know get my. bearings and I was like holy crap that. dude just killed all his.

kids it was uh another time was like. these guys are freaking animals these. guys are savages they don't care about. human. life they care about their agenda or. what they want to do killing the Infidel. that's all they care about enough to. where they're going to kill themselves. and their. children and I was like how do you. fight that kind of. enemy you know what I mean yeah it's uh. it was Heavy it was heavy so that.

happened so the other team sent like two. or three guys to help us out because. they're like all right this is seriously. where the action is we're calling in air. support by a couple. sorters um just taking as many people. out as we can because clearly they're. like they're not coming alive so we're. like pulling in the. arsenals and then we get coms on our. radio that. two guys our guys got shot and that was. Mike and Nate and so we finished what we.

were doing we go back and uh Mike and. date had passed and I remember I walked. by and Mike was on the. ground and I could see him I could see. his face I could see the Damage Done by. the machine gun fire. and that. was we saw a lot of death over there but. death seeing from the bad guys and death.

from your. guys two different. worlds and I can still picture that. every detail. everything and I and Mike excuse me Nate. was still struggling he was still had. breaths in him and I could hear the. wheezing and hear him. fighting and then it. just got quiet. and then we had like had to move to. xville we had to like dump some.

grenades take out as many dudes as we. can uh at another building the third. building um buddy Eric uh fro who we. just actually had on the unafraid. podcast uh he was walking into a. building he like cuz we were we were we. were doing the pieing technique we. weren't just rushing in because of these. suicide guys and he didn't see anything. and he walks into the room and I guess. there was some a stack of blankets and. the guy was like in a fortified position.

with blankets kind of blocking it like. kind of concealing it dude unleashes a. full magazine of. AKA uh and it went all around his body. didn't hit him he came out of that room. from what I understand and from what he. said and then like the his number two. man just kind of like True Lies where. he's like they're checking the body yeah. he's like checking all his body didn't. get hit once wow this not the first time. I've heard that happening yeah so it was.

a it was a crazy. Target uh and that was my first exposure. to losing the good guys our guys and. uh what ensued was more drinking to. stuff it didn't know how to process. it yeah you have some guys sleeping it. off you have some guys can't sleep. personally I would get a couple hours I.

was up for a few hours get a couple. hours I like didn't know the difference. between night and day I wake up thinking. it's day it's night go to sleep wake up. it's day did like just everything ran. together like nothing made sense and we. were on a standown after those maybe. maybe two or three days and. then Adam Adam Brown he injured his leg. prior to that to us deploying he backf. felt came in he was his surgery was done. he was healed he came out and then a.

couple of our army counterparts came up. from Baghdad to help us out and kind of. see what was going. on and then about exactly one week later. was the night of the Super Bowl we like. had this huge I'm sorry that was the. night of the Super Bowl we had this huge. party like planned to watch the game. chill out get a bunch of pizzas but we. ended up going out and then Mike and. Nate you know passed on that one then a. week later same same um same Target set.

same same. crew. um we go to the another the the compound. and we're we're very weary now that you. know they just took out two guys. um you know they're blowing themselves. up they don't care they're blowing. houses up so we extremely weary like we. didn't move up to it so we did another. call out and nothing was going on like. one dude came out everything seemed to. be good then stuff started happening in.

the house started building up a lot of. women and children were starting to get. stuff by the front of the house so like. if you can imagine like a comp like a. house front door and on that front door. there's like an overhang a very like. almost like a carport but the carport is. like a huge slab of concrete it's not. like a tin roof it is like a bomber with. like two big St at the end to keep this. thing like big ones uh rectangle ones I. can I can picture it all and uh I I.

called over to Louie Louie sront and I. was like hey dude because he was our EOD. guy I was like hey bro uh and I was. taking over team leader that one because. my team leader was was down he was sick. that night so I like just took over a. spot for that that night so I came over. comms I was like Hey Brother Louis for. whatever uh nuke 04 I think was this. thing called him up and said hey move up. and try to to help out with the uh you. know getting all the the the women and. children back and searching them making. sure they're not carrying anything he's. like Roger that two seconds later he.

jumps over a little three-foot wall runs. up to that one of those pillars and it. was getting crazy like we by that time. we had a team moved up um the other team. that was primary entry moved up so on. the this wall there's a door and then. Louis over here by this carport or what. whatever it was front porch whatever you. want to call it and it was getting crazy. and so I was like crap they need help so. I come around my wall maybe like a the. wall was probably up to up to my. shoulders like I can see perfectly to. take shots duck down if I needed to it.

was like it was amazing spot it was like. right in front of the door somewhere in. there a dude got shot uh byro. actually um and so I moved up right on. Louie I moved up I got my gun and I and. I put my hand on his right shoulder I. was like what's going on he's like a. just craziness man just freaking like. we're just trying to get out so you know. they we're trying to get people out. and I think I've told you this before. I've got serious Tom's disease yeah.

terrified of missing stuff I always want. to put the breach on the door I want to. be the first guy in the room if anyone's. getting action I want it to be me when. Dom got us kill and I didn't I was like. a little little baby like why does he. get to play and I don't you know what I. mean yeah. um so for some reason man I I can still. see a beita sweat going down his neck I. can still smell it I can still see it I. can I can I can feel it for some. reason I was like there's too many.

people here and it's like I heard this. voice I got this feeling I can't even. describe what I got it was it was like. everything wrapped into one saying get. away get out like an like an intuition. whatever you want to call it whatever. you want to call it something that said. get away from where you are right now. and go back behind that wall just came. from and that is not me I've never done. it before besides that one time that I. can remember I've always had to be there.

especially when we got to deal with some. stuff we got to work I'm ready to work I. want to. work something told me so I told Lou I. was like hey man I'm going to go back by. the wall we got too many guys up here. and I'm like are you good he's like I. got this bro like I'll see you in a few. I was like all right dude I love you you. know we do our like little I love you. brother so I like had my arm on them on. that shoulder I rolled out soon as I. button hooked that wall out that gate. and made that turn where I was. covered the house.

exploded and it wasn't a baby explosion. half the house was gone that team that. was on this side was covered blew a. couple guys out 30 50 ft against the. back side of the wall which I was behind. dudes were covered in rubble. and I was like what the heck I got I. mean I got hit with debris on the back. of the helmet nothing nothing compared. to what these guys did the Dust couldn't.

see anything like everything was just. gone it was like well you would hear fog. of War it was the first time I was like. wow this is this is the real deal like I. was just discombobulated didn't know. what's going on I didn't know what way. was up down left right didn't know I. finally you know got my bearings WRA. back around and like I'm I remember I'm. in the middle of this Courtyard and the. dust is just settling and I'm. like what I left and what I saw were two.

different things two different pictures. and I felt some on my foot I'm like man. what the heck and it was our dog Deo he. was buried and the only thing that was. sticking out was his mouth and he. latched onto the first thing that came. and that was my foot so I I ripped out. my uh my hiking boots out of his mouth. and went back to where I thought Louie. was and he was. gone and I'm like what the heck and. there was one of our our augment was.

over on the side and I saw him like. what's going where do you have Louie. he's like yes and Louie was underneath. the. slab and so like there was a hole held. up by some Rubble uh some rock some. Boulders from the house and we're. crawling in there trying to grab him we. can reach like a calf to try to grab. some some fabric to like pull him out. when I grabbed his. calf it felt like. Jello-O there was no bone.

structure it was like when that thing. fell it folded him like an accordion and. took out pretty much shattered all. bone it it didn't feel like a leg it. felt like a jell mold damn or. putty and he was stuck under there and. we couldn't get him out. and fortunately the guys inside the. building died I think there there were. some random shots by our.

snipers doing containment. stuff uh but we finally got them out our. PJs came over with our I think they're. called Sava or Savvy uh talk about more. a little more detail in here but they. lifted it up got his body out and we. just started X filling um I think by. Bradley I think the qrf came and uh. xfill out and to this. day like man what if I didn't what if I. didn't come over that radio and say move.

up would he be. here. why did I hear that voice and he. didn't I'm no different than. him. why these are questions that. I somewhat still answer or ask myself is. what makes why did I hear that. why did I tell him to go. over and. um yeah it's been a it's been a tough.

one I'm sorry. man it's War right yeah I mean and and I. know Louie I. know that man wouldn't want to go out. any other way I know that for a fact. none of our boys that we lost they were. they were warriors man they knew what. was they knew was at stake they knew.

it and they were they were. proud to do that. job and they would do it again there's. no. doubt. yeah but uh. yeah let's take a break. [Music].

you're an EOD guy explosive ordinance. disposal a Navy SEAL an actor a director. a writer a. producer a stunt. man a video game director and a master. of some self-. [Music]. awareness rumor has it and I want to. know if this is true rumor has it.

somebody hit you in the face with a. baseball. bat and you took the baseball bat. and resolved the issue is that is that. true that is not true that's not true it. was a stop sign Pole. we went into solder city that was uh one. of our big ones um I had guys on the. Zara.

hit when you go into a place where a guy. is chopping off head setting it on the. neighbor's porch and then threatening. them that they're next any day and they. don't know when it's. coming when you. go remove that cancer. there's like this dude like way the way. the hell down there and I'm like he's. like peeking out from behind this car.

and I'm. like there's a dude right over there you. need to keep eyes on when he pops his. heads up pop. it I was like that's exactly what the. [ __ ] you're. saying I like what makes you think that. we can go down range for years and take. live. for a bunch of people that obviously. don't give a flying. [ __ ] and I wouldn't do 10 times more for. those closest to me.

[Music]. all right Eddie we're back from the.

break just had an emotional ending to. that last portion there it's a good time. for a break yeah and I want. to I want to ask you. because you've experienced more loss the. guys over at Gold Team have experienced. more loss than anybody else that I know. and I'm I'm always curious how you deal. with. loss initially and how I deal with it.

now are two different. worlds. before I would drink and I would take. pills or I would take any nighttime. medicine I could to sleep because I. couldn't. sleep it it was it was always to the. bottle beer wine captain of Cokes just. so I wouldn't feed feel just so I. wouldn't feel I would stuff it and stuff. it and I didn't you know I didn't I I. didn't know you were supposed to feel we.

signed up for this for that we're. supposed to do this this is just part of. War but. uh that's not the correct way to do it. because what that was doing is I'm. drinking more and just stuffing is I'm. drowning out my family I was drowning. out my. family I wasn't. I wasn't present I mean remember I I I. to talk about this as well um do you. remember American Sniper seen the movie.

right M Bradley coer comes Chris Kyle. the character comes back I think from I. don't know what deployment and he's he's. sitting in his chair with a beer and he. and it kind of the camera pans around. and shows what he's looking at which is. a TV but the TV is not turned on he's. just sitting there there and he's. physically there but he's mentally. checked out he's back over there and. that's that's I saw that and broke into. tears man I was like that's it that's.

the realest thing I've seen out of any. combat movie that I've experienced I was. like that's it right there and I felt. like that I'd be back home I'm not I'm. not with you I'm here I remember going. out to eat with my family or you know. going to a pumpkin patch or whatever it. is and I'm not even paying attention I'm. thinking about stuff over there I'm. thinking about the wh ifs the should. have couldas the why did I the why. didn't I all those things and just.

replaying these things over and over and. over again nonsense it's like on a loop. and I couldn't stop it and I didn't want. it to. stop it was. like I just could I I don't know. everything was about that it was about. the teams it was about being overseas it. was about. fighting it's about the losses how do. you deal with loss Now versus then. and we'll get into this but uh my remedy. has been. Christ. 100% saved my life saved literally saved.

my life saved my life what is it. about what is it about Christ that you. find comfort in or maybe Comfort is the. wrong word but when you're when it comes. to dealing with death dealing with loss. friends teammates. what is it about Christ that brings you. comfort that I I read there's a there's. a. verse and it's actually Proverbs 3 and I.

don't I don't have verses remember but. this one I remember Proverbs 3:5 is do. not lean on your own. understanding because we as humans we. just don't get why this why that like. why' I miss that one shot at sniper. school I'll tell you why CU I was not. supposed to be a sniper I was supposed. to be a Navy. SEAL and you we we we talk about these. un answer prayers and all that stuff but. dude there's there's always this bigger. and better thing usually if we're if. we're doing the right thing and we're. being obedient and uh it just gives me.

peace I can't I I can't really. describe the feeling inside what it did. to my heart and my brain my soul I. should say I just find Comfort like hey. it is what it it doesn't mean I don't. struggle I still struggle but I see the. loss for what it is is I couldn't. control certain. things and that's life man War evil good. it will always be here always has been. always will and uh he's just.

my he is my. my pole in the ground that no matter. what storm come comes through no matter. how crazy the winds are no matter how. bad anything is I can hold. on I can hold on to that poll. and I'm all. right I know I'm all right I I know. it I know it I know he's got me it.

doesn't mean that everything's peaches. and cream it doesn't mean that at all. but I know he's got me and I know if I. go through some troubled times I'm just. going to get stronger I will get. stronger and the life lessons that have. happened getting my kids dealing with. that struggle has only Made Me Stronger. didn't understand at the time time it's. always. hindsight and I kind of you know I keep. referring to this but that's I mean. that's my story in the hot wash as I. talk about it looking.

back I should have realized this or I. should have done this I you know thank. God I did this but it just it sues my. soul he does it's. just I can't explain it I ran from it I. was terrified of it until I allowed it. and we can get to that we'll get to that. we get to that I got one more question. on loss and uh I've never asked this but. I've always been curious of what other.

people's thoughts. are and I don't know how to word it but. um so I'm just going to do my best but. when it comes to. death and and loss of. friends who do. you when you experience a loss and it's. it's it's a friend who do. you who do you feel worse for do you.

feel CU we have we have two different. kinds of losses happening in the veteran. Community you have loss and battle and. then we have the. suicide epidemic that's going. on I go back to the used to like I dude. I there's there was. Eddie old Eddie mhm and then there's the. new Eddie old Eddie would have been like. you're weak you're. coward how could you not handle your. stuff you're an operator and this is how.

really you selfish piece of crap leaving. your family like that leaving them like. this that was my. thought I have a different thought. because I've been put in that position. so I my mindsets a little bit different. on it. now what is it. now it's a real thing man it just sneaks. up on you it sneaks up on you and all of. a sudden you find yourself holding a. freaking. pistol and it's like what the heck am I.

doing luckily for me I was able to stop. myself uh or put it down and walk away. but I get it it was just like everything. my world was just crumbling in and I was. always like how could anyone do that I. mean how could you do that you selfish. piece of crap. and I find myself in the same. situation and. uh yeah that'll humble you real.

fast so I have a different approach I. take it way more serious if someone. speaks about that I know it's very. real are some going to cry for help. absolutely are some extremely real. absolutely do you wish some of the guys. that have taken their own life would. have died in. battle I I do me too of course it's What. It's A Warrior's death man yeah right. it's what we read about it's what we. watch it's what we dream of it's.

different it it feels different it feels. a lot different but but one thing that. I've realized is there's the battle that. we refer to in the spec ops world that's. over in Afghanistan Iraq Africa wherever. wherever the war is but there's another. war that we still fight daily um there's. evil present everywhere we can see it. pick up your phone scroll you'll see it. look in the school systems you'll see it.

look at things government officials are. pushing you'll see it like evil is real. and it is. rampant and it needs to be. crushed. yeah well getting back to. deployments got a little Sidetrack there. but I wanted to ask those questions. before I lost them. let's get into. Afghanistan versus Iraq you spent a lot. of time in Iraq we've talked about Iraq. let's talk about what you were doing in.

Afghanistan Afghanistan was awesome um I. like that a little bit better because it. was a little tougher terrain's tougher. the fighters a little bit tougher um and. it really depended on the fighters uh. where media was like is are they over. here or are they over here and they. would seem to really you know beef up. their fighters in that position but all. in all Afghanistan was way tougher it. was a harder Target they didn't care as. much they were I mean they've centuries. of.

fighting uh so yeah. naturally and they're they're ruthless. they're Ruthless People. um we I remember one we did One. op and we usually go through the gate. you know get to the to the door do a. call out or hit them when they if we can. sneak in without them knowing we're. there and uh we we get there you know we. kind of do an L we cut a couple. centuries I think the Rangers are pushed. off blocking like the next block or two. over they might be hitting another house. over here and.

um we just take started taking machine. gun fire like crazy machine gun fire. like they know you know I got talking. guns over there grenades start coming. over things are blowing up I'm like holy. crap like this is like they've it seems. like they the grenades are not stopping. so we had to push back and go on this. like the other side there was like the. like a canal like a low canal with a. little wall was the best cover we could. have so we went back and then my team. leader came up and we we developed this.

charge we used to I'm sure you've heard. of the book bag charge you put it on the. wall but it's like 20 lbs I carried on. one up I'm like I'll never carry this. thing again dude like like no so we. worked on uh making a smaller charge. that can do the same effect so we came. up with like taking two blocks and the. over pressure will make a cutting with. C4 it will cut through we can drop a. thermobaric grenade in this little hole. and then that pressure will bust out a. huge hole uh so we can get guys in so.

like all right we're testing it on this. target so how the hell did you figure. that out are you the one that figured. that out I was I helped so my my buddy. Travis who was a was our Master breacher. he's like hey we put it started putting. together and he's like we started like. testing it because we did not want to. carry that 21 so he's like if we take. he's like if you take two blocks the. pressure from this and the pressure of. this will meet and they cut because you. know there's like the science of. explosives and then we we like let's try. it with a thermo baric to blow it out.

with the over pressure and it worked and. uh we hit this Target and the First wall. I did I actually grabbed Dom I was like. let's go cover me so we run up there do. the First on this like you can see like. on the back side there's like there. might have been some windows but they. were up top you couldn't see but all you. could see was like a flat mud hut like. mud but you could see where the rooms. were divided because it was kind of. sticking out from the adjacent wall. whatever you want to call it so the.

first one the one closest to us put the. charge on there blow it and the. explosives was enough I didn't need to. do a thermo and we go up there we're. clearing it and there's like a donkey in. there so like okay you're not like just. kind of looking back at us like all. right you're you're good bro so uh so we. go to the next one and I like I started. like calling like hey give me my. Chargers like I had them like space. throughout the team like people carry a. couple of them uh for this very reason. so we go do another one a little bit.

further down where we think they would. be blow that one down it was a kitchen. no one was in there I go back cuz we're. like setting it up I'm running back. getting in our little Canal command. detonating and there freaking so it's. like it's crazy there's dust everywhere. explosions are going off um I get one. one more of my charges put it in between. the two holes that I've already. made put it up there uh blow it and I.

believe I I did not throw a thermo in. that one either the second one I did uh. but it made a big enough hole where I. didn't need to do a thermobaric so the. dust is going out like the the dirt was. like kind of make a little. ramp and uh so Dom kind of wraps goes. far as the dust is so he was concealed. by the dust go we just kind of pan we. start pieing off like doing our cross. cover and we just start seeing dudes and. there's like machine guns like grenades. start we fin took off the couple dudes. that were still breathing they couple.

guys with their AKs in there just trying. to take over the next explosive that was. going to. come and when I walk into this. room like after we took out the dudes. like we we call in the team and we're. just kind of holding on our adjacent. doors that we're going out to the rest. of the compound and I'm standing and I'm. like man this is really weird like the. things you think about right and I'm. like it was like like a a perfect carpet. like a very nice carpet I was like huh. interesting like I got to check this out.

later so we we clear the compound come. back to that room I got to check this. out later put on the white light to like. cuz I want to see what exactly we just. did cuz the dust I mean it was it was it. was hectic you know mhm and I go to. where I was standing and I felt it I put. my white light down and all I see is a. freaking. eyeball stared up at me so the dude got. flattened by the breaching charge like. folded and uh I was like that was my. first breaching charge kill and I was.

like that's awesome wow oh my gosh but. it was weird man like you just see this. dude flattened out see the side of his. face and just his eyeballs just like. staring at you totally I mean he's done. so you weren't on a carpet I was not on. a carpet I was on his insides. interesting. yeah I've never felt. that but dude folded his back had to. been right on that wall like he had to. be like on it that's I I can't even I.

can't even picture it to be honest with. it it was. uh it was weird it was weird but cool at. the same time yeah yeah like don't shoot. at. us or this is going to happen. right what was the op Tempo over there. in Afghanistan it it was it was big I. mean it was it was was a lot it was fast. it was we went out a lot a. lot and the targets they weren't like. cheesy targets they were like they.

weren't like one or two guys they were. like a lot of guys. um like how many we did one these guys. took over um whatever cell whatever. whoever they were uh bad guys took over. a school and there was probably I think. there was 11 11 bad guys on that one. I mean they were just everywhere we had. another time standing right by a door. and I moved positions and about a minute. later I saw looking down saw 30 I can't.

remember it's like 30 to 50 men run out. of the door I was standing and like went. down and went down uh to the draw and. back up they were getting away cuz I. knew we were there wow poured out right. where I was I was so mad I was like dude. that was a lot of kills I just missed. yeah I was like dang it. damn but dude I mean it was it was real. like there was like it wasn't you know. ones and twosies it was um like dudes. like gathered together to go fight.

that's who it was it was different it. was different in Afghanistan than Iraq I. mean Iraq had some targets where there's. a lot of dudes but not not not like what. I saw in Afghanistan were you on the. operation that Adam Brown got killed. okay so before about 2 weeks before we I. was actually going to go to um an out. station for that one two weeks before is. when I got custody of my my three. kids so I my command uh My Head Shed.

knew I was like I can't I can't. deploy I was like I'm going to be out of. this command they're leaving me and they. just uh pretty much told me like hey on. this deployment figure out how to be a. dad they left me alone I was alone. learning how to be a dad that whole time. and about halfway through I get a call. about 2: in the morning from my team. leader who was had to stay back too cuz. he had to get surgery done on knee or. shoulder or something and uh he's like. Adam just. passed and um and I was with Adam at.

Team two mhm Green Team I remember you. guys were really tight when you showed. up to arpon in Afghanistan yeah he he's. just. a good dude to be around yeah he was. just fun to be around his stories uh he. he I mean nothing some things might have. slowed him down nothing stopped him. I mean when he lost his eye I was right. at the top of the stairs as he was. coming up I was next to the guy that. shot him in Afghanistan when he lost his.

fingers I was the one that put his. fingers back on and tried to wrap him up. the best I. could uh I knew Adam well he was. a he was a dude Legend he had a great. energy about him great you know and uh. he was I don't think he was always a. standup guy but he became a standup guy. he did I never knew him previous to to. when he was a standup guy he was just a.

picture perfect team guy I was very. upset all the time uh cuz I wasn't doing. what I wanted to do he had a great way. of kind of mitigating that remotiv me. and I learned a lot from him and we also. had a conversation last night at dinner. about and I've had this conversation. with several. other um former work colleagues or. guests on the show and I mean Adam was. he was just a he's a great role model.

for any human oh my God yeah and he. wasn't he wasn't a [ __ ] team guy. like me or like you who was I mean I'll. speak for myself who was boozing bar. fighting. womanizing pills everything uh that you. shouldn't be doing I was doing Adam. wasn't that Adam was a family man Adam. cared about his kids deeply spent a lot. of time with him he was he was he was a.

man of God he made you wonder why he was. like that that's yes he made me Christ. curious he was one of the guys I was. like and he you're right everything you. just said you're absolutely right he was. he was different why him a lot of a lot. of it seems to me like a lot of the guys. that die in combat. it's. like why the [ __ ] wasn't that me or why. wasn't that Eddie or why wasn't why. wasn't that the guy that's [ __ ] three.

other chicks on the side and not paying. attention to his wife it's always the. standup good example to others that. winds up dying do do you feel. that yeah I question that a lot yeah I'm. I. question you know a guy that seeks God. why why that but I've also learned that. when we look to God and like why would. you do this that there's another there's. a thing out there called.

evil that can get into evil men and and. I don't it goes back to lean out on your. understanding it's really not up to us. to or our business to even know why yeah. we like to think of it but I but I don't. know why and maybe with his book. Fearless the lives that he's changing by. his. story maybe that's why I don't know I. don't know these answers well I mean I I. like to think about this stuff you know. and yeah yeah it'll get you to go down.

this little thing called a rabbit hole. it will it will and then you know when. you think about it and and everybody. everybody has their time and everybody. has their their place yeah and they make. their Mark and he made you Christ. curious which kind of formed you into. who you are today which you're spurning. a very positive message and it's impct. impacting thousands of people and maybe. you wouldn't have gotten there without. knowing Adam you know and now you are. carrying that torch but it's a big torch.

yeah it's a big torch but um can you. talk about that night that he passed. yeah even though you weren't there I you. know I know the story I think it was. like in a tree or on a fence or on a. wall or something like that and then got. nailed from an adjacent building but I. don't know the details I'm I was told. but I don't recall I just know on my. side got the call and we started. drinking at 2: in the morning when I I. woke up and just started doing.

shots and I'm. like not again another guy and. again and I'm like man like it just. seemed like every deployment we were. losing dudes it's like you know you. question yourself like is our tactics. wrong like what are we doing. wrong it just you know. it's. War it's War it's not supposed to go the. way you think it's just not you mean.

that's why we do contingencies that's. why you have multiple lzs when you. infill right because if this one's. messed up we're going to go over. here because nothing goes as planned we. what does Mike Tyson say everyone has a. great plan until they get punched in the. face it's very true war is no different. you know just like. business we're so set on this you can't. be set on this you got to flow you got. to flow you got to.

move what's the recovery time after over. a Development Group what's the recovery. time for the next operation if you do. take a. loss I think the ones that I was I'm. sure it's always different you know um. not long maybe two to three days that's. it I think so. how do you Su the guys. off we usually do a wood like stand. which just turns out to be a cross you.

know we put our put their gear on it. their uh their carrier plate carrier and. then we put their helmet on. top and one thing I've learned is we. won't mess with it I. remember with one of the guys and we'll. just keep it I mean just the blood the. you you know those pads and the Mitch. helmets. they soak up they soak up blood if you. would like press on it blood would just. seep out it was covered every one of the. pads you know you got the different pads.

you can move around based on your head. shape and com comfortability it was just. covered with blood and you put that. helmet on and the the weight of the. helmet and you just see the blood. trickling down this wood stand and it's. just like oh my God. man and you got the rifle out there and. I think we put the boots out there we. put them right by the flag pole and they. stay there after we lost those guys they. would go with us every every deployment. we would make it we'd bring it holy [ __ ]. and um you lose your guy you get the.

alcohol that they. have. and the next morning because you're you. know you're running Ops at night and. um next you know it's daytime by you. know by you get everything. done and you get in a circle with with. those still there. in bottles just get passed around you. take it and you pass it another one.

comes you take it and you do that until. every bottle is. dry and the crazy thing about that is. you don't feel. anything you don't feel it I don't. recall feeling it I don't recall feeling. the drunkenness the buzz it was just. empty. fluid it was you just don't you're not. there your brain's not there man your. brain is shut off from that like just. shuts it. down and uh then you walk.

around questioning. everything questioning all of. it why why you know the. why a lot of guys start to question why. we were there in the first place do you. question. that again. at the time no I was like Hey we're. we're we're fighting bad guys like we're. going to get the bad guys I was like I. was sold on it all now knowing. government and agendas I question a lot.

of it if not all of it I question a lot. of. it I do too and and I hate saying that I. love this country more than I mean more. than anything but one thing I've. realized is that government. officials you aren't the country if. you're doing your shady crap you're. nothing but a terrorist you're the exact. same thing that we were hunting down. over there you're just domestic that's. why we do our oath right foreign and.

domestic there's a reason for that and. we can see the. reason so yeah I uh a lot of it's BS now. and it hurts yeah thought you're really. part of something thought you're making. a difference which in a roundabout sort. of way you are you're killing you know. you're killing the bad guys they're not. can beef up and get. stronger but I I don't I think it's all. comes down to an agenda and and. unfortunately I don't think we're ever.

going to find out what that. is I don't either but yeah but I totally. agree with you I don't yeah let's move. on to your family life so you missed a. deployment yep got cussy the kids y got. cussy the kids how did you get custy the. kids. so around the depl employment storm of. leaving and going she when we were. separated she's like hey her her family. lived out in Tennessee here and she's.

like I want to go out there take the. kids and live with my parents and get on. my feet and go to school and I was. always gone always gone and a shooting. school that we go to quite a bit was. right right by close to where her uh. where she would be and I was like hey. just let me talk to him when I want to. talk to. this this wasn't like a okay sure like I. had to really think about this one and I. was really thinking about her well-being. and the kids I'm like I'm always gone.

I'm like this train ain't stopping which. which it did but um yeah I was like. maybe this is the best thing is for her. to go cuz I really wanted her to get on. her feet take care of those kids be a. role model and do the right thing so. they had a good example so she goes out. there radio silence. couldn't text couldn't call nothing the. only thing that I could in like a span. of maybe I I don't know how long it was. a few weeks a month two months maybe as.

I was out um in Oklahoma and I drove 6. hours to get my kids and she's like she. she like you have two hours if they're. not back in two hours I'm calling the. cops on you and I did not want to deal. with that being where I was so. as a good little boy I dropped him off. in two hours and drove my six hours back. I took him out to dinner or like a early. lunch or something like that early. dinner that was it and I was like this. is enough so I went to my lawyer I was.

like here's what's happening this is. this is BS like let's we got to do. something so we get her to court and she. paints this beautiful. picture for her horrible for me of how I. caused her to do this I'm the reason for. all of it and she was probably right but. I mean all blame was on me on the other. side of you know of the of the tables. and I'm like and I was and I'm like. that's not true that's and I just wanted. to speak out so bad as she's she's. telling this amazing Academy.

awardwinning acting. scenario and uh but I had one card to. play and I knew she was not clean and. she was saying she was clean and before. we went in there I told my lawyer drug. test drug tester and I'm like I. volunteer myself I will totally do a. drug test I know I'm clean let's go so. at the end of all these stories. my lawyer doesn't say they they asked me. a couple questions and I said I will. stop. deploying I was I was in there in court. in a suit with a full beard Shaggy I.

look like you know the caveman from the. Geico commercial M I pretty much look. like that dude like trying to get my. children just all I wanted her to do was. I wanted 50-50 custody to move back to. Virginia Beach that's it I didn't want. full custody I still want to work like I. figur like I could still do you know get. both of both of the both best world. World both of the best worlds and. um so I I tell him I'll stop I'll do a. training position all this stuff and uh.

he awarded her to stay out there and he. just all he said was hey if he wants to. talk to him he gets to talk to him if he. wants to see him you make it happen that. he can see his children end of story. period And so my lawyer before is like. hey drug we request a drug test and the. judge said Roger that so we both I. didn't even she didn't even want me to. do one she knew better she did it and. she popped and. um she lied so everything she said was. BS so the judge told the.

lawyers you need to move back to. Virginia Beach right. now and uh she refused her lawyer. dropped her and the judge found out. about this and told my lawyer to tell I. to go get his. kids I was deploying in two weeks holy. [ __ ] are you my command knew about it. all my command about I I kept him. informed I was like Hey and no one no. one's like team guy is not going to get. his kids I'm like I'm not getting my. kids that was the last thing I thought. would ever.

happen and uh I had a. choice to get my kids or keep. deploying. and to be transparent I had to think. about that. yeah and it wasn't a long thought it was. maybe a few minutes but it wasn't like. yes awesome I get my kids it was like my. world was closing up really thing I mean. really really fast and it was it was. rough that world closing up had was had.

sharp edges and it was. hurting and my identity as a seal which. I lived by was was was dissipating. really. fast um so I asked that I asked if I. could do one more. deployment my lawyer's like no so I got. my kid I went out there my mom and my. stepdad met me out there I got my kids. and we drove back to Virginia Beach and. went back to the house that I was going. to let let her have because it was where. the kids grew.

up started to refurnish all that cuz she. took everything out like everything like. I had no birth certificates I had no. social security cards I had no shot. records I had nothing I had a bag per. kid I had no idea how my 10-month-old. what diapers he had minus what I was in. there I had no idea what he ate what. formula nothing she gave me nothing she. told me nothing zero I had to start. fresh on everything getting birth.

certificates and all this stuff and just. figuring it out refurnishing a whole. house getting groceries I didn't I had. to ask him like what do you guys eat I. don't I don't I didn't know what they. ate oh man so how old how old are your. kids at this your son's 10 months old 10. months old Sammy my uh middle child she. was five and Kayla was nine or 10 I. think she was. 10 so that mean Kayla Ste up the.

plate and she um she's a rock. star putting those kids. through that. life dealing with honestly a turd dad. that only cared about himself. was not. fair it was not fair at all. but they got strong man I had some.

strong strong. kids and uh we we did it man I mean. my my thought process was like all right. just keep them alive don't let him die. that was everything man just like don't. don't let him die and um we made it. through and my and the command was super. cool with me figure it out figure it out. started coming back uh in a little bit. working in in the breacher cell like. just picking locks and you know doing. some RSO stuff and um but they let me.

like hey figure out how to be a dad and. and I did and you know started to come. into work a little bit more and then. after about a year of that maybe two I. about a. year uh we were going back on on. deployment my boys were going back on on. deployment and my kids their summer. break was coming up and we worked out I. worked out with their mother like hey. since you never see him you could have. them for a few weeks in the in the. summer cuz the kids still need to see.

their biological mom they just need. to and so I realized that we deploy a. week after my kids are gone so about a. month out month or two a few months out. I I talked to my old team leader or to. the command I'm like can I can I jump in. and hear and they're like how can you. and I explained it they're like Okay. cool so I started training with them. they train locally I try to jump in with. them go to the Rain shooting do CB. together do any uh I would have. babysitters come by watch the kids I'd. go do a training exercise come back you. know Dad's all freaking opt out and um I.

deployed that that was my last. deployment I think I was going to do a. it was like a 45 or 60-day deployment. just to because my kids were coming back. they had to come back for school and 3. days before I was going to rotate out to. come back home. extortion happened oh. man and. um we were supposed to go out that night. so we were in jbad alabad and they were.

in I can't remember where they were but. they. were we had the birds or or so like our. our 160th guys we had weather or. something they couldn't they couldn't. they couldn't fly so we didn't go so. they couldn't get our birds so they use. National Guard ones to go who do their. up and I remember being in my you know. we got a deployment you got your. individual rooms and you got like a. common area where you know the coffe is. made and you got the video games and you. watch TV and got the couches remember.

sitting in there with my freaking feet. propped up just chilling watching. probably rescue me or something some. something good and uh my team leader. comes in he's like hey bird just went. down and he's like it's our it's our. boy's bird like there was two of them. one of them had all our guys and other. one had just the air crew devastating. regardless of which one shot down so. obviously we're hoping it's the one. without our boys less lives lost. right so we all like rush over.

um and they got it up pulled up on I. can't remember if we were starting to. get our gear on or we were trying to get. ESS situation awareness of what was. going on but I remember watching the TV. screen like this huge Monitor and they. had uh the thermal uh from ISR looking. down and you could see the helicopter. down and uh there's bodies Spilled Out. Of The Backs side that of the open ramp. of the of the.

47 and I remember seeing like in a. thermal you know heat signatures are. white right M um and you could see their. white bodies slowly slowly turned to. Black and their life was leaving them. and they they were gone. so we see that we finally like figure. out like we need to get in there once we. finally got it like crap that is our. bird that is our boys like we need to go. so we all go get our gear on we're. grabbing Quicky saws in case we got to.

cut dudes out we're grabbing anything. and everything that we think for this. rescue operation slash keeping the enemy. up a and uh they wouldn't let us go. out they were sending the. Rangers. and the decision was made by our. CEO and. at that time I wanted to I wanted to I. wanted to stick my fist through his face. I was like how how dare you that's our. boys that like how how dare you but.

thinking about it now always hindsight. right uh he didn't want he didn't want. those images to be our last images of. those guys uh but you know s the Rangers. more than capable of of taking care of. that they did a great job they were out. there for probably I think three days. dealing with that getting the bodies so. we get the bodies back and we had you. know I think it was a total of like 38. or something like that. um and they had we had two c17s to get.

all these bodies back to. do and it was my time to go back a three. a couple days later so I just I was one. of the guys that there was like four of. us escorted all the bodies back to do to. meet the family members of all these. guys and when I was was over there I. somehow I was told by my team leader cuz. the command was got in touch with. everyone and work Jason.

workman's really sneaks up on. you Jason workman's wife and family. wanted me. to Workman was my boy. wanted me to ask what his body back. uh to Blanding Utah for memorial. service and.

then take him to Arlington where he was. going to be put in the. ground so of course I would wouldn't. refuse. that so I talked. to the doctor or or whatever who was. dealing with the bodies and I had them. point out workman's and most of the. bodies were you couldn't they were. charred they couldn't you couldn't tell. who they were but Workman had some. tattoos and they he he showed me his.

casket so steel. caskets and um I put my my ground. pad uh next to. him put my sleeping bag next to. him sat there laid there ate there. and you know how they always tell you. like on takeoff like please sit down. buckle. up they wouldn't dare ask that just lay. there the whole time next to him put my.

back on his casket and just escort him. all the way back get to. Dover and then we land the whole. family's there and just seeing. got a whole new bucket to bust out with. my therapist when I get. back just to see the fames.

man and their. faces and um and the. tears and the kids that had no. clue man that their dad's gone their. uncle's. gone it was the most. it was. traumatic it was. traumatic to try to find words to. comfort.

them and those words they were hard to. come by if if. any what do you say by I know I know I'm. sorry he was. awesome what do you what do you say. and. um and. Obama came. out and we and and I'm not a fan of his. policies or anything whatsoever not a.

fan of him at all but I will tell you. this he greeted and shook everyone's. hand in that room and there was a lot of. people he went to every single. person and I was like I was like that's. cool I was like regardless of what what. BS you're invol D with I was like that. was cool and when we went to the hanger. to offload the c17s with all these. caskets flag. draped he. stood um at a hand salute a very crisp.

one the whole time that dude did not. move and we were like going on like. three days no sleep I mean we're sitting. down cuz we're like exhausted our backs. are killing us from the pain of just. operating and that dude did not move he. was. just crisp did not move for 45 minutes. like nothing the whole time and as much. as I don't agree with his policies and. all the corruption I think that he's may.

be involved in I he earned some respect. for me on that day for that for showing. that right there to the respect for. those men I have to give that to him I. have to I saw it as my own. eyes um so after that. they have to do their autopsies and try. to put body parts with whoever I mean. gosh however you do that I mean there. was caskets coming back with just body.

parts like no names just body parts legs. hands. heads cast like I think there was like. two caskets full of. this so I had time I went back to um. Virginia Beach I got my. Blues stayed one night I had my. girlfriend at the time flew in from. Oklahoma saved one night went back up to.

Dover to catch an Angel Flight with. Jason and. um so we get on the bird and there's. another casket that gets on I'm kind of. confused I've never done an Angel Flight. before and it was a uh an army guy that. passed at a different operation and his. little escort was on there too so we fly. we Dro them off I think it was at St. Louis they get off and then it's just. Jason and I. um went on to.

Blanding and I just. remember just like staring at his casket. like. just attempting to process. things and I and I just could. couldn't and uh when I got to Blanding. his brothers were there he's got uh. three brothers and his mom and his dad. and they're amazing family amazing.

family and his his wife and his son Jax. who was the same age as my son Tristan. so that made it worse seeing that seeing. him and um and we had you know we had a. memorial service out there and we I was. out there with him for two weeks because. there's all these Memorial Services. going around cuz there's so many guys. and our Command like ched a huge bus I. think a couple buses and they're just. hitting all these spots and we were like. 2 weeks in line and I'm just sitting out. there with his brothers and every night.

what do you do you get tore up drinking. suppressing. stuffing cuz I know what to. do there's not a there's not a manual. out there that tells you what to do. because no one knows what you're feeling. no one knows your. insides we can put a scientific name to. it but they don't know they don't know. and everyone handles things differently. and mine was.

drinking to the point of passing out. every night so I could sleep because I. would not sleep if I didn't have. something or at least that's what I. thought maybe I just developed a habit I. don't know but I I felt like I had to. have. it to think about Mike Nate Louie. Adam two troop on. extortion Josh Harris Colin Thomas guys. that I did training with so I mean.

axelon and buds with him like just the. just the numbers of like all these guys. I went to training with and now they're. all gone and it's. like I knew before I went that that was. going to be my last. deployment but that was like. I was like okay I need. [Music]. to stop the Eddie show and think about. your. kids and I did not want to do that I did. not want to get off that.

train it's like the train was going on. the operator gets left at the train. station but the. identity is. gone so. um finally had his memorial service out. there in Blanding and uh one of the guys. at the command Jason loved Robert oen. you know if if you're familiar he's an. awesome singer and uh I I didn't even. know anything about him until Jason then. got me he'd always come over to my.

trailer when we were in Baghdad that. second deployment that was his first. we'd watch movies and you know drink and. all that stuff and uh he we don't we. play Robert. 'en someone reached out to Robert kind. of explain the situation he shows up at. the memoral. service gets up on stage sings. uh coming. home and finish the song everyone's in. tears no one.

clapped no one did. anything he got his guitar sat down in. the most classy way I've ever. seen like he. um he just you know gave us. respect no questions asked from what I. understand that that conversation was. like I'll be there there was no oh are. you going to cover this it was none of. that it was like I'm there I that was. one of my fans and he did that and he. was doing this I'm.

there that is America yeah that is. America that is respect that is how you. earn it by example and that man is an. example he is a phenomenal phenomenal. man never talk to him I don't need to I. watch I watch his actions the way he. handled himself. he didn't want to do signatures he. didn't want to do anything he just. walked in with his Johnny Cash all black. suit on played that guitar sang a song. that Jason was definitely smiling down. on did what he came to do left and then.

after the memorial service that night we. went to a place called Spirit Cove drank. of course and just talked Jason stories. and had fun about the buses were there. from all. the all the people going to all these. Memorial Services I mean we're we're. just like can you can you imagine this. like it's just death you're just. consumed with death I can't imagine that. just you're consumed everyone's like. crying you drink too much you're crying. you're not drinking you're crying like. but you don't know what to do with. yourself it's like what do I do with my.

hands you know what I mean you just. don't. know and uh after that it was time for. him to go back to Arlington so we go. back to Arlington and. um we're we're there and they've got. them all lined up next to each other all. the guys that decided to go to Arlington. and and Jason was right next to MSY was. a really good friend with and. uh Stacy and Jason had this thing for.

rainbows and sure enough she looks back. I'm kind of standing behind them you. know we got Jax and I got Stacy family. and I'm kind of behind them and she. looks back to ask a question or. something and she just looks at me she. like pauses she gets like a weird look. on her face and she goes. there's a rainbow behind you wow I turn. around and it was the.

uh. brightest most colorful rainbow I've. ever. seen and that rainbow stands for one. thing and one thing only and I'll tell. you this much a't. homosexuality it's a covenant that God. gave and just seeing that I was done I. was taken out of the knees emotions took. over that I. was stuffing and stuffing and.

stuffing and trying to. be a Pillar of Strength for his. family I was just standing behind him. hoping they would not look back at. me. balling it's took me. out it was. like internally took me. out I was. done so that we do the service you know. do.

the put the Trident on the on the. coffin I had a couple extra I had. another tried and had to do MSY put one. on him and then put one on. Jason and then went back. home and. uh the kids weren't home. yet and the. rest it start to go. downhill more downhill than.

before did that rainbow you. saw did you start to believe in Christ. more was that a sign for you I I didn't. think about God then. I didn't think about God then I I you. know I chalk it up to what a coincidence. how weird you know it's because of the. rain and the Sun and that's what happens. right you get a. rainbow I didn't I didn't put the two.

together I didn't give it the time of my. thought. um it came right after that. um I had to leave the command I was at. the breaching cell and and I knew I had. to do something I think I was at my I. was like 16 and a half years in 17 years. and I'm like dude I got to finish this. out I got to get my retirement like I'm. not going to stop but I couldn't operate. so I found out about the coordinator. position that they had around the. country uh you were you familiar with.

that I'm not so you kind of like you got. mentors like usually retired like seal. swick EOD. divers uh air rescue guys and you I. think there's like there was like 28. around the country and the point of the. whole or the the program was is to help. train guys up get them more awareness. about what they're about to go do. because we're losing the Navy was losing. so much money about guys showing up the. water's cold and they quit well the Navy. just paid for you to go out here now. they got to pay for you to go somewhere. else so they like we'll start these.

programs and you kind of like run him. through the ringer give them workouts a. couple times a week kind of answer. questions kind of give him some mindset. mindset stuff talking about some mental. toughness and I remember my first. workout I had like there was I think. there was probably like 10. these like high school maybe like a. college or two kids there they were like. in tears and every one of them. quit and I was. like am I being too.

tough and and I and I'm like and I. didn't know and but my job was like Hey. man like you need to know where you're. going and if you're you're quitting now. you're for sure going to quit out there. like I'm I'm saving you I would like I'm. saving you but the Recruiting Command. it's like you got to have this amount of. number you got to have this many and I. start up told them like that's. ridiculous like you cannot force these. programs on individuals they have got to. have their heart and soul into it that's. that's it it doesn't work any other way. there is no I think I might try that it.

just doesn't work I mean you weren't. like that no I know for a fact you. weren't like that you got to be all in. you have to be all in and uh and I. didn't you know it was ridiculous that. whole recruiting piece like you guys are. like morons. uh to like give you get like you have to. and like you're just like making people. go like all right cool like if you need. some like we'll give this guy a shot. that's totally gon to wash out and they. do they wash out in boot. camp and uh so we did that so during.

that time. drinking got horrible cuz I was away. from my guys and I was just on an island. I was in Tulsa Oklahoma no. friends uh I think she was a fi my. fiance at the time my children it seemed. like the right thing to do moving out. there because I get help with my kids. and then try to build my business I. started a contingent. group I worked on my degree got my. degree in Security Management uh because. I was 100% tuition assistant like why. not do it like I was just you know.

trying to do anything and everything to. like try to stay busy uh to like not. think about the past that I was not. involved with anymore which which hurt. was it hard for you to leave the command. at that point or were you ready I did. not want to leave you didn't want to. leave I did not want to leave I did not. want to leave but I. knew it was the time for me to. leave and looking at my kids and. thinking about them over me which was.

hard to do to be honest it was the it. was the right thing to do I I wasn't. going to try to do more deployments pwn. them off on this try to figure out a. sitter for this trip or the I just like. they needed a dad and. uh I to step up to that and I and I um I. messed up a lot of things as a father I. didn't know what to do I just didn't. know what to do I remember the kids. would come home and I didn't know what. to do with them like what do you do with. these kids like you're not going to work.

on my gear with me like what do we do. you know and then you just kind of then. I like dug back to my childhood like. what did I like to do let's go play wolf. ball in the back let's go play tag dark. hide and seek um and just like started. to make sense. slowly and then my uh girlfriend of the. the time she was a Christian go to. church all the time would talk about God. and I would just kind of like you know. going back to my. childhood when I would we had a. long-distance relationship she was in. Tulsa when I was in Virginia Beach and.

when I would go out there it would you. know sometimes I'd stay as long as I. could so she'd go to church Sunday. morning I'd have her drop me off at a. bar so I could drink and watch the. Cincinnati Bengals play. football well she went to church I. wouldn't go to church with her I didn't. want to go to church with her I did not. want to go in. there I knew the things I would hear. were going to strike me like a lightning. bolt and I didn't want to deal with it I.

I I I started to feel it kind of like. No And and I did that for quite a few. times I was like drop me off I'm not. going with you and I I kind of told her. like here's why like she's like that's. not like that it's I'm like you don't. know you don't know I do you don't know. I. do and uh it kind of came to a head once. I moved out you know I was doing the. coordinator position starting conja. group it came to a head we went out to.

we left Tula went to Oklahoma City for. her work her brother who was her boss. had a. um like a work party had like a party. bus meet at this part at five we're. going to go all night have a good time. right up my alley. so 5:00 comes Captain and. Coke and somewhere around 9ish. 10ish I guess I'm blacked out I had one.

of her. co-workers giving me lap dance right. there in the bar in front of her all her. colleagues and she pulls me outside and. I think she pulls me. outside and uh she's like you're hambers. yeah you are a mess and I straight up. said word for word I will cut your. [ __ ] face. off classy right you said that to her I.

said that to her with her brother Sloss. right. there I didn't care I didn't. care and of course literally I didn't. mean that but in my brain that's exactly. what I was doing. bright and I looked as I looked into her. eyes that's exactly what I was. picturing and. um that's one thing crazy.

about killing I. guess is when you you know when you're. engaging and some of those engagements. are close real close not sniper shots at. a thousand yards but like come here dude. and you're holding dead bodies as they. fade and you see those eyes looking at. your eyes you see the whites of their. eyes and uh you just watch The Life.

drain from their. bodies and you love. it picturing that was not a problem. picturing that was a joy and I would. never do that to her but in that moment. hammered I was doing it in my brain and. uh the next the next. day I end up at my house uh cuz we were. living in two different houses I woke up.

by myself in my clothes with shoes on on. the. couch and knew this was not good yeah I. knew this was not good and she came over. and she goes do you remember last night. and I go absolutely not and she tells me. the story I just told you. and uh we were engaged at that time she. took her ring off threw it at. me and she said I want this in my life. or in my families because she had she. had two kids as. well and I couldn't say anything because.

she was. right I had some things I needed to work. out. so it's probably a good time for a break. let's take a break. the Jihadi Manifesto was recorded right. before his December suicide bombing. which killed seven CIA employees and a. Jordanian agent at this base in eastern.

Afghanistan so everybody wasn't supposed. to be outside there it was just supposed. to be the GRS team to meet him uh Darren. and the Jordanian uh officer were. supposed to be there and that's. it that was a last minute thing. everybody comes out to to form a. greeting line and unfortunately that. gets a lot of people killed that. wouldn't have otherwise been dead today. we will get you CIA te inshallah will. you get you.

down and he boastfully showed off the. trigger or the bomb strapped to his body. look this is for you it's not watch it's. Detonator to kill as much as I. can unbounce them there's like let go. outform this meet and greet line. uh I don't know if you know this I mean. we worked at the same Department over at. CIA.

[Music]. I want to give a big thank you out right. now to all the vigilance Elite patrons. out there that are watching the show. right now just want to say thank you. guys you are our top supporters and.

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Defense crimes on the rise all. throughout the country actually all. throughout the world and so we talk. about everything from how to prep your. home how to clear your home how to get. familiar with a firearm both Rifle and. Pistol for beginners and Advanced we. talk about mindset we talk about. Defensive Driving we have an end of the. month live chat that I'm on at the end. of every month where we can talk about. whatever topics you guys have it's.

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there and if you don't want to and you. just want to continue to watch the show. that's fine too I appreciate it either. way love you all let's get back to the. show thank. you all right Eddie we're back from the. break this been a very heavy. interview it's been tough yeah I know. all right I know this is going to help a. lot of people I hope so but um let's get.

we talked about you know you left EV. group you're at home you broke up with. the ex fiance or she broke up with you. what's going on with the kids at. home uh just you know trying to do dad. life whatever what ever the heck that is. trying to figure it out and I mean this. is this took years of struggling and. still drinking uh I quit. drinking after that night when I told.

her I was going to cut her face off. um I quit drinking. for almost a year I think I quit. drinking and and the reason why I quit. drinking is she had me or she gave me an. ultimatum to go to this certain. conference but we'll get to that in a. second but uh I mean kids are at school. doing their thing. um I would do you know during the day I. would do contingent group work or.

schooling or go you know train these. kids to go to uh one of the special. programs in the Navy and uh then they. come home and you know try to figure out. how to entertain these kids make what's. for dinner all that stuff just all. the mundane stuff of life um before you. quit drinking would you try to hide your. drinking from your. children I would. do I think I would put it sometimes in a.

different cup like just like a normal. cup that I'd be using but usually no I. didn't and I usually did not I would. have like a glass like with dinner or. something but usually that stuff would. start when they were in bed I would bust. open the wine usually the wine. and down a bottle sometimes two and then. go to. sleep but I usually I mean there was. times where I was like I don't care like. I need it I need it right yeah um so but.

most of it took place when they were. asleep what kind of pills were you. on uh I had to get a lot of surgeries. after I left um Dev group so I had to. get my knee done my foot some hernas B. shoulders had to get some some anchors. put in um so they'd give you you know. oxycodone cot whatever the heck you want. to call it and I fell in love with that. stuff dude I was like so happy it was. like my happy pills and I would take.

those try to get more if I could and uh. I would take it all all the time until. like until the prescriptions ran out I. would just keep doing that but that was. really the only pills I would like like. I think I need surgery on this like is. it's bad and come to find out it is bad. um just to get some more of those pills. U but mostly I would do like nighttime. usex you you were getting you were doing. surgery just to get the. pills yeah there was like there would be.

time like I could deal with the pain it. really would bad like maybe I'll deal. with it later but at the same time I'm. like let's just do it now like I love. surgery I love being put. under just escapes reality and the pills. those pills are nice yeah but then they. would always run out and um I would. do um a lot of nighttime muex cuz I. learned that they would give me. extremely vivid dreams so I would do you.

know one then I would have my dreams. next night do one you know one teaspoon. or one little capful and then when I. wouldn't have my dreams I'd up it at two. and I would do two and then when I. wouldn't have my dreams I would up to. three and then so on and so forth and. then I was like okay I stop this but my. dreams every single night I was killing. people in my. dreams buddies would. die um I was killing bad guys and I was. like my War my battle was like in my.

dreams just over and over again it was. always in the back of a hel helicopter. and there was just be bodies and just. like see the guys coming at me and I was. like like a video game taking them out. sometimes my gun would stop working and. they were like advancing then I'd wake. up. uh you enjoyed those. dreams yeah I. did that was back in the fight yeah as. pathetic as it sounds to say right now I.

was in the fight in my head and um yeah. how long did that go on. for uh quite a while um the drinking mix. with that stuff wasn't a great thing and. I don't know exactly when I quit. drinking uh I think it was after but. when after the cutting of the face thing. happened I pretty much had the ultimatum.

ultimatum by my uh girlfriend at the. time now because she threw me the threw. the ring back at me is she wanted me to. go to this like Christian Camp uh which. I didn't know was a Christian Camp. really I mean I kind of knew but it just. sound like the way it was sold to me or. told to me was hey it's a bunch of dudes. dudes you do a bunch of. shooting uh bunch of food talk about. some stuff like a it's like a men's. Retreat and I had no friends so I was. like I mean and it was kind of like hey. you do this or else like this there's no.

hope for us I was like all right I'll. I'll do that and because I'm like I'm in. the middle of Tulsa by myself I have her. kind of and um I was like I'll go but I. didn't know so this this whole thing was. called it's based off of John eldrid I. don't know he's got a book called Wild. at Heart for the audience if if you have. not read this book you and you're a man. or or even have a man in your life. highly recommend it um it's a great book. for men uh and it kind of like kind of. tells us what we're supposed to be like.

we're supposed to be the hero in the. story and it gives us great thing and. you know I'm hearing all this crap for. the first time like what what the heck. is going on right here um but when I go. to this Camp dude um like I'm looking. for alcohol like surely there's like. some wine or beer like looking for. coolers open the coolers freaking sodas. water like what so like already I'm like. this sucks so I'm sitting down you get. like your little lawn chairs like in. this open like conference area you put.

your little chairs down and you got a. big screen and they kind of go into it. so it's um it's like three days uh get. there on a Thursday and you're done by. like Sunday afternoon and the first. thing it kind of like it goes into like. uh father wounds how we're the hero you. know you know we're built as men to. rescue the princess like it's in our DNA. and he kind of John Eldridge is like on. this on the screen saying this it was it. was gone through done through another. satellite like church out of Oklahoma. City but it was via you know Colorado.

where John outd was and I'm like this is. this is so dumb I'm like what am I doing. here like this is ridiculous and um he. said something that really kind of like. it really got me kind of hit home a. little bit and he and and I'm a big. movie buff you know like when we go to. deployment we're watching nothing but. movies movies series movies movies like. we we've got to memorize like we're. we're we're the douchebags with the. quotes right like what movie is this.

from like we that's just what we do I. still talk in quotes it's ridiculous and. my wife looks at me like I'm a [ __ ] and. she's right but uh but he said if you. he's like if you think about movies he's. like it's built in our DNA movies have. three things three elements that is in. every movie. There's a Hero there's a villain and. there's a love. story and right now people as they are. Len are like trying to think of movies. and I can't you can't think of any. Finding Nemo all the way to.

300 there is those three components in. there yeah there is the hero there is. the villain and there is a love story. and he takes that and he says that's. exactly what the word of God the Bible. is there's Jesus there's Satan and it's. God's grace that we're going for it's. that love it's that heart he wants to. love us he wants to be loved. back and he said that and I'm like and I. was really more hung up on the movie.

thing I'm like that is so true and he's. like the Bible's all around you we just. don't realize it like it's in every. single movie it's the same thing. different. characters and I was and so they they. use cuz they're trying to hit home to. men to like stand up to be more manly. and to like stand up for the right. and lead your family which we have a a. hard time in this freaking in this. country probably across the globe and. looking at me with my children he was. right I wasn't a leader I was a I was a.

failure I was not doing the right things. I mean it was it right to stand up to. take care of those kids yeah but I. wasn't the one I was supposed to do I. wasn't leading by example I was leading. by talk which is BS and. um so he teaches that and he shows. movies like Braveheart William Wallace. he had a Villain Like the English right. he was the hero save the Scots and it. was a love story in that movie Love for. the country love for the. woman the Patriot Last of the Mohicans.

all the Gladiator we can see it in. everything and uh I was like okay I'm. here this is actually kind of cool. what's what's this I'm going to give it. 100% so we kind of go into this stuff. and um they they they have classes. throughout the day and uh I just noticed. as these classes go on there's probably. like I'd say about 100 people from the. age of like 16 to like 70 of like just. men boys whatever you want to call them. and I just start noticing every class.

like dudes are getting picked off like. they just start. crying and I'm like I'm like get it. together bro like there's other dudes. around like suck it up right like you. were. taught um how I was taught like suck it. up what are you doing and uh uh I didn't. get it I didn't understand it and um I. didn't like shame on you it was more. like what's it was more what what what's. what's happening what I I don't have. what that is what is.

that and so at the end of I remember our. end of our first course it was the F the. first class or the second class they're. like all right we they give you some. questions to like think about to you. kind of ask yourself like hey please. take your notebook and your pen and this. uh this these questions and just go find. a place outside and you know go pray and. write down these answers and I heard the. word. pray and and remember if we go back to. childhood like this stuff is kind of. like coming. out it gets me every time I talk about. it.

um and I was like man like you you. you you. pose and I'm talking to myself here you. pose and act like you're a man you can. go. overseas and face evil. and take it to them you can take a blade. and stick it in some flesh but you're. going to have a hard time to go outside. by yourself and pray and I had that. conversation with.

myself and I was like self you're right. so I went out there I found a little. like uh outcropping of some rocks and. like the sun just wasn't up it was like. early we got up like at 6 6:30. whatever and I sat down.

I said my first words to. God. ever I mean minus the please don't let. me die on this op tonight as we fly in.

or I'm getting shot at as I'm trying to. be as low as possible as bullets skip. over my head yeah ever I wouldn't call. that hey God that's without fear I need. a hand out you're talking to him I was. talking to him like he's my father. this gets me. man this gets. me and I just started.

talking I was like I don't know. you I was like you know my. past you know how you scare me and soon. I'm saying whatever the heck I'm saying. not even know what I'm saying and it. didn't matter it didn't matter what I. was saying. the sun breaks the top of the trees in. this warm cuz it was chilly this warm. Sunbeam Just Nails my face and just. warms my whole. body it just warm like right when I.

started talking to him like maybe a. couple sentences. in and I was like oh my God it's like. that guy got zapped through my whole. body and um. I chocked it up to as a. coincidence of course I mean it's at the. right time at the right angle Sun you. know comes up in the East that's in the. west I mean just that's just happened to. be here and that was it that's all. that's all it was and I and I say all.

this in hindsight knowing now everything. and uh I go back in I do my thing I. write it down and but something was. stirring inside me and uh I was curious. I I was I was curious to see what these. guys are crying about I was. like think think about all my. past I would always think. about why I took my hand off Louie and. and went around that. corner um I wanted answers I needed.

answers and I wasn't going to find. answers from any human on this Earth I. know that and. um I started going through more courses. more classes more going outside praying. trying to. get better at it but you know I think I. know for me personally we always think. that there's like oh you got to do it. this way this is the wrong way that's. not it at all just like talk just talk. God knows your heart man and uh once I. learned that it's like it just came it.

just flowed and uh but I thought there. was like oh step one okay step two. nothing that you step three and that's a. bunch of. BS and uh I started just seeing guys. throughout the the weekend get taken out. and taken out and taken out and then. guys like may I pray for you and I like. I didn't tell anybody this but in my. head I was like I really want someone to. put their hands on me and pray for me. like I want someone to pray for me I. don't this weekend changed my life.

um I don't know why I wanted someone to. pray for. me all that. crap never thought I could be forgiven. you know forgive of your sins I'm like. man I've killed more people I've done. things that most people don't even dream. of think of can't even think concoct in. their brain I've done. it uh from booze to women to pills to. killing gun knives grenades.

explosives nothing anything and. everything all of. it like there's no way there's no way. you can forgive. me and. um I wanted someone to pray for me and. the last night of this thing nothing's. happening to me really I mean a little. bit of something but nothing. Monumental at the end of the um at the. end of the um conf at the they have the. bonfire and like they give you this like.

little Post-It note like hey the things. that you want to get rid of write down. what you want to get rid. of and I was like this. Post-it ain't going to do it I need like. a legal pad with like 100 pages so I. like give me some more those post titits. so I'm putting down I wanted my drinking. to go away I wanted my anger to go away. I want a direction on how to be a good. father I didn't want to be a slave to.

watching porn on the freaking. internet I wanted to be there for my. family I didn't want to be. absent I wanted peace in my brain. from the stuff that we went through. overseas I want a Clarity on my. future I just want to be a better. man I'd be happy with. that and uh you know you get around this. you get a bunch of these dudes around. the fire you got your little piece of.

paper and everyone goes around but I. didn't know and you you say what you. want to get rid of you don't have to but. uh you know about halfway through I I. got up and you know I said my thing and. I I got choked. up I got really choked up and I threw it. in the. fire and it felt good it felt good and. um I'm like you know still in my head. I'm like this is stupid it's a piece of. paper blah blah blah nothing's going to. change questioning everything testing.

everything not believing anything uh but. there was still just something tugging. on my heart there was just something. very small just tugging on me enough to. keep me. engaged and uh I was walking away from. the fire when I like everyone went and I. was like all right I'm going to get out. of here like I just like want to be. alone and just go do something go to bed. whatever I had no Mucinex had no alcohol. like how do I do. this um and this guy comes up to me.

young guy I was Pro I think it was 32. when this all happened he was 26 uh Kyle. Thompson he actually has a podcast. undaunted. um and he he came up to me he's like hey. dude that was really cool what you said. I was like thanks dude and he's like do. you mind if I pray for.

you this. dude came up to me I was probably. 230. tattoos that was a big. boy um he was not he was younger. and he. had the. balls to come up and do that and that. right there is obedience I've seen many. of men like you you can just see them. like they're intimidated just to have a. conversation with one from one human to.

another I'm not just saying me but with. many people just because of uh oh he was. in this movie or he's a UFC fighter. whatever it is you're still human I. don't care it doesn't matter but he did. not he came up and he did that and soon. as he put his hand on me and started PR. I lost. it. I it was starting to make. sense it was all making sense to. me and uh so I talked to him for about.

an hour two hours at the end of that. night went to bed and the next day was. Sunday and we had like a um they play. worship music but not like like kind of. like rock you know. um and they played it every day and it's. been like okay can we please turn this. crap off so we can like get on with this. so I can get the heck out of here for. some reason man I'll never forget the. song I had to look it up it was by Matt.

Matt Redmond 10,000. reasons I was playing and the beat of. that song and the words of that song. rocked my body it was different. something changed. something. changed. internally I would say I don't know how. but I do know how it just. changed and I felt.

different and I started to. smile you know when you're a. kid you do something you're not supposed. to. do and and you're down on yourself and. your mom or dad or a family member or. maybe even close friend comes up to. you and Embraces you or just kind of Pat. you on the head and say hey man it's. okay it's all right we all make.

mistakes that's what God did to. me. right right then and there that's what. he did to me I can feel. it and still being in the the. hard-headed. so. am like it's probably another. coincidence maybe just I really like. this song it's like dude when do you get. it uh so I'm just like jamming out to.

the music and like it's just like it. feels good like I'm like dude I'm like. I'm like this is I'm like put my arm up. I'm like man this is just. insane and um I was moved like I was. moved internally like I was I felt. different and so at the end they kind of. like thank some of the presenters some. of the guys that give some of their. speakers some of the guys that share. their testimony cuz some of the. testimonies man they're like hey dude I. cheated on my wife I did this and. they're they open up they're very real.

and I like I I really I appreciate that. and I think that like that conference. kind of made me who I am now where I'm. not afraid. to be real and I will be transparent. because all of us go through some. something some degree it might it might. not look the same it's a different. flavor for all of us but we're going. through some stuff we're all going. through some stuff some way shape or. form relationship. work healthwise we're all we're all. going through some stuff but they did.

that but they were saying thank you and. then one of the things is like they they. said um we wanted to recognize the guy. that we think did the most. change and I was like well that's not. going to be me cuz I haven't really. talked to anybody and all that stuff so. I'm like just waiting to listen and. they're like Eddie Penny they call my. name and I'm was like wondering if I'm. that guy so I go up on stage and they're. like hey we can tell a change in. you.

wow I always I always explain stuff like. this man we don't really know what's. going on like if you can imagine two. boxers in the ring fighting each other. they're looking head-on you know chest. to chest I I have this is my vantage. point right mhm the coach and the fans. they can see looking in right they can. see they have a bigger picture I just. have. this and that's kind of what happened. that that conference is.

um I guess they saw something that I. didn't think I was doing or feeling or. acting and they gave me this pin it was. made out of. uh an olive tree from from Israel and it. had like a cross on it and I still I. carry that pen with me. everywhere uh and it and I started. crying right there on stage in front of. all these men and I didn't care I didn't.

care I was about 80% sure that I found. God I'm like okay wow like so this is. real this isn't this is real and I think. back to things like Adam said and other. guys that I deployed with and I'm like. starting to like I start to to see it I. start to see these deployments I start. to see certain things why this happened. versus this I start to see my life. experiences why I'm getting the why. answered. um get in the car drive back to uh got.

was getting a ride. um. from my girlfriend's brother same one. that took me uh he took me back to. okahoma City to get my truck and I drove. from Oklahoma City back to Tulsa and I. called my girlfriend at the time. slash fiance maybe depending on the day. and uh I called her and I tried to. explain the.

weekend and I couldn't. talk I just start. crying i' cry 15 20 minutes I haven't. cried like this I mean I stuffed it for. decades. I thought I was good I'd call. back I say a couple words i' start. crying again like I have to call you. back couldn't even could get could even. muster the. words and I tried this throughout and. then finally I'm like hey I'll just talk. to him when I get home like I just got. that out real quick and I hung out the. phone because I was going and I started.

crying again I cried pretty much the. whole drive home I I like I. just didn't. understand but in that moment I felt so. loved like I just felt so loved. and I'm like all those things that I'd. hear or I call you a crazy Christian or. you bible thumper or all these. things it was making sense it was just. making sense to me it was just I could. feel it.

inside and um and so I get back I tell. her about the whole weekend and. supposedly she went up to St Louis with. her friend and she had no intention of. coming back I guess when she was out. there she went out to a bar and she was. sitting on some couches and um a fight. broke out and some dude got pushed into. her knocked her off her like off of her. couch like knocked over the couch and I. guess she got some kind of something and. it's like I I shouldn't be here and her. and her friend like drove back that. night and uh she's like she told me that.

she's like I had no. intentions of continuing this. relationship after this weekend she's. like I wanted you to go just to help you. and so. we worked and I think that's when I. decided to quit drinking um I quit for a. while but it wasn't I think it was maybe. 2 or 3 days later I'm in my car driving. from a workout or. something and uh I pull up to this red.

light just turns red there's like this. car wash over to the side and they have. one of those like blinking sign like the. red where like it flashes like save 10%. or you know buy a car wash and come back. in a week for a free. one and I'm I'm sitting in my car and. I'm like show me I I'm like I just I. just straight up saying hey show me show. me I'm saved show me I'm saved and I was. getting I was getting aggressive I was. like show me I'm saved like I don't. believe this crap I'm like was testing.

him and um even though this happened. this happened like that's that can be. explained this can be explained this can. be explained like show me show me I'm. saved cuz I'm like I've done this and. I'm I'm crying at this red light and I'm. talking if anybody's you know parked. next to me this red light they're going. to be like this guy's Looney probably. should call the cops before he kills. kills us or himself and I look over to. the sign and all I see is one word saved. sa a ve d That's it one word it wasn't.

save. 10% it wasn't pulling now to save $2 it. just said. saved that's incredible I saw that. and I'm like I'm yours I'm like. sold I'm like. sold so um at the end of that conference. they tell you um I like to go all in on. everything like I want to be a seal I.

would read everything listen to. everything watch everything to try to be. the best and they would give some books. out they'd be like hey you should. probably start off with this book you. know it teaches you about prayer and I. was like okay if you say that's what I. should start out with I'll go buy that. book and they like oh this is another. one but it's it's a little more it talks. about spiritual warfare and so I heard I. heard the word War Warfare I'm like what. like what' you say I'm like that sounds. like something I would like and not. knowing or not believing or just not. even taking the time to have thoughts.

about that about the evil and um all. that stuff but um I started with this. prayer prayer Life Book and I was like. okay this is like boring this is like. trash like no wonder why people don't. want to be Christians this is weak um. and I was like what's this spiritual. book I looked at my notes I found it and. I I ordered it uh and I started reading. it and I was like there's there's a. whole another world there there the evil. isn't the evil over there I mean it is. but there's evil all around us and like.

just like those like if you have you got. to question yourself like why do why am. I having this not good thought right now. was it provoked by something a lot of. the times it's not like why all of the. sudden do I want to cheat on my wife why. all the sudden do I want to leave my. wife why are my kids do I do I want to. give them up for adoption like If we're. honest with oursel we have maybe not. those exact thoughts but thoughts like. that like that guy that just cut me off. I want to get out and rip off his. freaking head yeah why do we have those. thoughts and if you a Believer and you.

believe in that spiritual warfare that. you got the good and evil then there is. this Unseen World that you know you got. certain forces that will put these evil. thoughts in your mind um and you really. sit down and think about it in my. opinion it's very real and I look back. um I I'll I'll I'll go this way I did. not it was not easy I still went back to. drinking I separated from my when we we.

ended up getting married I separated. from My Wife and started sleeping with. everybody I could and I would call I. would call myself a Christian because I. believe in Christ and all that stuff but. I was still doing not the right. things which is where. to be honest with you most Christians. live in that world and I was that guy I. was that. guy uh thinking I'll be saved um you. know I was I was more of the the talker.

not the Walker you know I wasn't walking. in obedience the way I should be and. um it's kind of funny like talking about. this if I was like me 15 20 years ago. I'd be like okay so my that future is a. freaking Nut Job i' be like yeah you're. you're you're crazy um but. um I wasn't walking in it at all and I. was drinking and my relationship was. falling apart and I was doing the wrong. stuff and then one day my kids were at.

school after I like moved like we moved. in we ended up getting married we moved. into a house. like 8 months later I moved out of the. house oh man got my own freaking house I. was just I was a freaking wreck dude I I. shouldn't have been a relationship I. couldn't even I couldn't control this. even after come you know people think. like oh you should be fine you're a. Christian dude there's a war going on. you still got to fight daily it's not. easy it's not easy it talks about it in. the Bible all the time like you got to.

fight like you're there's a fight and. that's where a lot of men are failing. they just they're a pushover I was being. a pushover I was getting trampled on by. evil I mean that's all you I mean that's. a great word for. and I found myself in my bedroom when. the kids are at school and I'm just. sitting on my bed and there's a nightst. my nightstand is right here and my my. good old Sig. 228 is sitting right there and I just. look over and I hear a voice yeah this.

is a way I've never thought about. suicide in my life that's why I'm saying. why do those evil things pop in your. brain because there's a different side. there is stuff going on around us that. you just got of and people call me crazy. I don't I don't care uh um based off of. my. experiences uh I picked up that gun and. I remember holding it right here I just. like was thumbing. it touching it feeling the cold. steel and I was like yeah it's at time.

enough is enough I'm done. hurting and. um I had like this. view of like a bird's eyee View looking. down at my room and seeing my lifeless. body with my brain splattered big old. pull of blood very detailed very. detailed being seeing all the body parts. and mutilations.

and disaster I saw it was easy to to. visualize right and I pictured my kids. coming into my room after school with. their backpacks on see my lifeless body. and what that would have done to. him and I I Put the gun. down and I stood up in a freaking. rage and I was like what the [ __ ] am I.

doing and I'm like my God my God and I. and I start cursing him I'm like you say. you're the Savior and all this stuff and. I was mad man I was like how could you. let me how could you let me do this. you're supposed to be healing me and I. blamed him which was. wrong and I got out of my house and I. went to the gym my my therapy and uh. that was my that was the one time where.

it was about that time to clock. out and. um something was wrong. man I couldn't figure it out I was going. back to. sleep issues I'd be up for two days. straight sleep for a couple days be able. to sleep for a couple. nights up for a couple more nights I. couldn't figure it out I I'm like what. is wrong with me and then a buddy.

reached out um Ken and he's like hey. there's this brain Center down in Dallas. uh called. cerebrum and he told me about it like a. year ago and I was like yeah I'm good. dude and um. and I'm like maybe that's what I need to. do because what I what I failed to. mention earlier when I was doing the RSO. uh when I was a breacher cell I would. you know watch other like we'd have SWAT. teams come in and or other units do the. breaching stuff and I would just make. sure they're doing it you know safely.

and they would use uh just like deck. cord like not a big explosive right not. like a c like uh C6 strip or something. like that just like a basic like let's. get the effect of like this of get of. the explosive. and these and the and the over pressure. from these weak. charges would go off and my. head would be. pounding pounding compared to the. charges I was do everse I mean you I had.

part I mean times where I thought my my. my pants were ripped off by being so. close to a freaking charge and I'm like. just having your bell wrong you just. like but I fed off of it like I told you. like the pain the the the pain for some. reason feeling that amp me up before I. it was like the a fighter walking out to. the ring and they got their music. playing that explosion and that blast. feeling that over pressure on my body. was my song as I walked into the arena. which is some bad guy's house that was.

it and uh but towards the end it started. hurting I like I had to I was like I. can't do this anymore I can do it from. way back here but it was so bad every. explosion I was like it was like almost. took me to the ground a couple times it. was so bad damn so I I thought about. that um when he when he recommended it a. second time to go down there cuz he. asked how I was doing I was like dude. I'm struggling man uh my workouts were. struggling I wasn't eating as much as I. should and if I was I was eating. crap I was angry with my.

kids I couldn't take I would start. yelling at people at the gym for not. putting their weights back I mean it was. that was a jerk that was a punk that was. a that was a 100% tier one douchebag. so I went down there and they did all. their stuff on me did all their crap and. definitely had some some spots in the. brain and uh they did a bunch of like to. therapy to kind of get it back and I got. back uh after a two we trip down there.

and. uh I sat down to work the first day I. was back and for the first time I sat at. my computer for like 6 hours and like. was just knocking out work I was. starting to get my 7even to n hours of. sleep at. night it it was like someone pushed the. reset button on my body damn and it it. just uh it it helped a lot it helped a.

lot dude uh so the. brain the brain definitely had some. stuff going. on that I was oblivious to I didn't. realize how angry I was I didn't realize. the effect that all the drinking did you. know I was I was so busy. trying to stuff my pain and think about. my pain I didn't realize the pain that I. was causing my. family extremely. selfish let's go back to that weekend. The Retreat yeah Christian.

retreat at the beginning you talked. about when you saw Jesus as a child it. scared the hell out of you did you think. about that mhm what were you. thinking I saw the reality of. it if you if if you remember in the way. it was was when I saw Jesus I wasn't. scared mhm when he. left I was very. scared my opinion and my I believe like.

know I was deceived by the devil until I. was 32 years old from that one. day he used the darkness and made him. look to be the boogeyman he wasn't the. boogeyman. I believe that I believe that with all. my. heart. 100% how long did it take you to replay. that in your head just now no at The. Retreat were you thinking about that day.

when I I I was scared to go there but. I'm like man like I just got to go. um and do. this I think it happened. probably there might have been little. clips it happening when I was there but. it happened. more after the fact when I started to. read that I try to read the. Bible and started to seek Him and listen.

to to to people that talked about him. but the thing is man is like that that. was was weird about I wouldn't say weird. about me but is where I feel like my. calling is now is that there's not a I I. I feel like Christianity the church is. very watered down and it it it it's. um it's like it's designed for. women like I'm not I'm not I'm not. hearing I hear a lot I go to church or.

or you hear something and it's like ah. let's love each other we have Grace. we're going to you know turn the cheek. all that stuff we're g to we're going to. be kind to each other no matter what. happens and that's great that's good. that's good to have love and it's good. to give Grace and it's because we all. mess up and it's good to give people. Second Chances and it's good to forgive. that is good. but there is a warrior piece that we are. called to do and it is the men are.

failing they are failing they are. failing they are failing and it starts. with that mindset and I believe that men. just need to be called out in a positive. way so they can realize their potential. like you have got to realize your. potential and what you were created to. be and I believe you're created to be to. lead your family and stand up for evil. you've got to expose the evil and you've. got to stand up for it look at our world. look at our country yeah what do you.

hear the most evil because the good. people that really have good in. intentions and goodness in their heart. they're keeping their mouth shut and the. big reason is that because they're. afraid they're afraid for someone to. come out and they're afraid of any. tension they're afraid to be confronted. cuz they want go there oh I don't want. to you know wrestl. feathers like that's not you're called. to be and they're like oh well Jesus. like he was okay cool read the Bible.

Jesus was starting crap all the time. against all the people that were. freaking like that were more. legalistic and um yeah I think that's my. I think that's like where my heart is. taken me is like to bring in that. Warrior mindset is like from the. battlefield to this. battlefield uh there's a lot of. dudes that are good men and they just. don't have the leadership or the knowhow. I mean if you don't know you don't know.

and with what we're surrounded by we are. the product of what we are surrounded by. that's like it says don't hang out with. the wrong people if you listen to a. bunch of Death Metal satanic music guess. what you're going to start believing you. start eating a bunch of donuts guess. what you don't go to the gym guess what. you hang out with a bunch of smokers. you're probably going to start. smoking it's the same thing we are. surrounded by and I don't mean this in a. bad way but at the same time I mean in a. bad way we're around some weak people.

and it's not okay it's it's they need to. stand up they need to rise up and they. need to speak out and they need to lead. by example and I was so guilty of. this and until recently. I'd say probably the last year or two. it's like I mean since I found Christ. it's been getting stronger and stronger. it's kind of like when we were in buds. right we are this um oh we're we're. we're cool guys we we you know we we did. buds yeah but we are way better after we.

did our next school at Jump school right. we were way better after sqt we were way. better after our first deployment we. were better than that after our second. deployment and we just get better and we. get better and we get better and we. train and we train it's the same thing. here in life and the same thing in. Christianity world is you learn to get. better like crap I need to stop drinking. like right now I'm like I got to stop. cussing like I don't I want to better. myself and I don't know what's next. hopefully it's not. sweets but yeah I got like it's just.

like dude it's just bettering ourselves. like why would we not want to better. oursel and there's that evil in the. world that. pushes everything but and here and. here's an example of that around. around my house it's a newer development. kind of like our area we're in right now. and they've been putting up new stores. new. restaurants in the last. year Marble Slab Cold Stone great. American cookie all these are phenomenal.

places by the way um Nestle Toll housee. cookie Nothing Bunt Cakes a pie place a. cupcake place Tiff's Treats which is a. cookie place a cinn not a c a bun bun. place but a sort of like c a bun but you. get to like put a bunch of other. toppings on it all opened up with an. square mile of each. other wow you eat and I'm just going to. use this as one example because there's. many you eat a bunch of crap you eat a.

bunch of crap and you you know this from. personal experience I know this from. personal experiences our listeners know. this from personal. experiences you you don't function good. your energy goes down you get that. freaking food coma you get that Sugar. Rush then it drops and you just like. turn into a miserable piece of crap you. don't have no energy and that filters. over to your kids or to your. colleagues our society is not helping. our case we preach all this stuff oh we.

need to be healthy oh we need to. exercise but you weren't you weren't. hearing that during all this Co stuff. were you no is is e because they want. you to push whatever they want to push. we know what they want to push they want. the the dollars but we are surrounded by. people with Cruel Intentions and if you. don't stand up and if we don't rise. up you will succumb and you will be a. victim period I mean we talked about. this a little bit last night yeah it's. um it's sad it's very sad.

yeah let's take a quick. break promise to uh solemnly swear that. the Tes amid fresh reports of Reckless. Behavior by Blackwater in Iraq. Blackwater CEO Eric Prince made no. apologies to a congressional. investigating committee I I disagree. with the assertion that they acted like. cowboys and it says three Senators Joe.

Biden Chuck Hegel and John KY the future. vice president secretary of defense and. Secretary of State respectively POS. while waiting for Blackwater rescue. their US Army helicopter got lost in a. blinding snowstorm and set down in. Taliban territory on the side of a. mountain do not ever discount the. Iranian influence on the Biden Obama. administration then as there is.

now he said Mr President give us the. authorities and a billion dollars and in. 3 weeks the Flies will be walking on the. eyeballs of their enemies. Prince said his employees act with. restraint and professionalism he boasted. that none of the US diplomats he has. paid to protect have been killed or. wounded it was a great honor that they. turned to us cuz it was a very important. mission right cuz the CIA is the ones. who made that Victory possible for the.

United States we've had a better. response from Blackwater than we have. from the state department we fought back. on all fronts the one place that they. had us over a barrel was the state. department Witnesses say the two SUVs. were ambushed as they drove through town. another Convoy of guys that got ambushed. and shot up on the Baghdad Highway the. contractors worked for Blackwater. security a company that protects. Coalition Personnel knowing that the.

clowns at the state department and the. Obama Administration did everything they. could to block a program like that CU. it's not something they directly. controlled it is such a mess it is such. a FedEd swamp Trump is right to call it. a swamp it is. [Music].

[Music]. [Music]. [Laughter]. [Music].

all right Eddie we covered a lot we. covered your your career in the. military we're covering your transition. out and how bad it got at home how you. took your kids. where we going from. here so after Oklahoma we were getting a. divorce with my we we did we got married. and that was a very I mean I think the. total marriage was a year and uh Anna.

she I I take full responsibility for. that man I was I was drinking a lot I. was angry I was mad at the. world I didn't realize what I was doing. and I don't use as a as an excuse at all. I just I messed up man I messed up. hard and um so I had no one to help me. with my kids I started a contingent. group uh risk mitigation Don in. security before we get into contingent. group we talked about why you left Lou.

shoulder why you went yeah so that kind. of goes back to the I always wanted to. know why. [Music]. why why did I hear feel or sense or. whatever I don't I I can't even I can't. even put a label on it what I felt or. heard um why did I leave that position. and he. didn't and that was a question I asked. myself forever. and and it was the only thing I it's it.

was God it was God his was. something pulling me away from there and. now I. question why me and not him. why didn't he hear it or feel it. why have you come up with that. answer I. have I got to be honest with you. man my.

life has done some twists some twists. and. turns and the seal thing was always a. passion I just knew it I I just knew it. I knew the military I I just knew. it probably the. last. year. my mindset has gone from that to more of. like like my faith like I just want to. share the word I want to share my.

story and show that God is real that. that our society will do anything and. everything to push it aside from the. pledge of allegiance to not discuss. certain things in school and in my. opinion taking Faith away is the number. one thing that is destroying this. country it ain't the. people people suck because there's evil. you take away the good but still leave. the bad what's going to happen evil will.

reain and I believe that's what's. happening and I just I have a passion I. have a passion for. God my heart is for. God and I mess up and I and I don't like. some of the things that I should. do I want to do some things that I want. to do not. him um I still fall into that trap at. times and need to pull myself out but he. always pulls me. out uh but that's just where my passion.

is going I want to I want to I want to. tell my story and encourage others. that's that's where we're going well. you're definitely doing that there's no. doubt about it and it's not it's not. even me doing it. it's not even me doing it but it's it's. awesome man it just makes me feel good. it makes me feel. alive it's been my. cure this is as Twisted as this thing. still is it's good from where I was to.

where I am now I look back I'm like oh. my gosh I I almost took my life I almost. took my. life and that was not in the cards it. was not it's not time and I question. sometimes like what what what what what. do you have for me what do you want me. to. do and I feel by the certain. circumstances and the people that are. coming into my life and doing certain. things I know what I'm supposed to be. doing and that's I'm I'm his freaking. Warrior I am a warrior for him and I'm.

going to lead other people to. fight good for you. yeah when did contingent group start so. contingent group start Ed uh when I was. in. Tulsa I did a Contracting job with a. friend uh that I was uh that we were. team2 with um Good Old Joe JLo and uh so. I started on some contract with him I. was like dude we could bring some more.

people into this uh so I developed a. company got the insurance so like guys. could fall under the the um the. insurance. umbrella and just started it from there. and just kind of morphed and uh finally. got a I got a really good client that. does a lot of work down in Central. America and then we're starting to do a. lot of trips and then other clients are. reaching out and then we're kind of. adding in driving Services armored cars. up armored intelligence reporting. assessments it just started kind of like. we're tracking money and then we're.

doing this. and all this stuff just started. happening all right now we need to put. this freaking huge security system into. this freaking huge building uh and not. just your cameras but like we need. drones flying around we need this we. that I'm like okay and we figure it out. and we get it done just got to with our. Network I mean we got all the guys. pretty much on our phone ready to call. yeah you know when we were talking about. contingent group. yesterday I had no idea how indepth and.

technically Advanced yeah these security. systems that you are putting together. for these clients are I I thought it was. uh all right he's probably going in and. wiring up. some some camera systems on the house. and and maybe putting some reinforced. doors and hardened windows in and when. you were describing me describing to me. that the the. technology I I didn't even know that. [ __ ] existed yeah I mean it is.

incredible and that's not me that's the. guys that that's their specialty doe I'm. kind of like the bigger overall like. manager like we need to I I kind of go. into the assessment I look for the weak. points I'm very good of thinking like a. bad guy like are we need to fix this we. need to fix this you probably should. think about this like do you travel okay. let's put these you know protocols in. place so we just develop this whole it's. not just the cameras it's not just like. hey making sure you got you know um a. license plate reader out by the street. it's all of it together because not just.

one thing is going to protect you it's. multiple things right like we carry a. gun carry backup magazine now we have a. blade maybe I need to use my car so it's. just like you know putting those layers. of protection around the individual. family organization whatever it is and. it's it's cool it's um everyone's. different what they need I mean how many. how. many you probably don't even know but. how many different aspects of this. business are there I mean you're wiping. people from the internet you know what.

cleaning it up cleaning their names up. from the internet I mean home security. business security travel. security all of it personal. protection everything I don't have an. answer for that question I don't know. how many things we do it's a lot I mean. I mean from a simple of a background. check to um you know putting in the most. advanced technology to keep you safe. based on an. asset to someone traveling overseas and. knowing what what it's like over there.

to going with him uh to pose as a camera. crew because we're going low-key. whatever it may be uh we do it. all what is uh what's your typical. client base what whatp type of client. are you looking for with contingent. group uh more it's more higher end it's. definitely on the upscale or or like an. organization um but there's some smaller. things that I. mean individuals need protection or just. like hey let's monitor this and we need.

to do the right things to just protect. them it just it really just depends but. it's more on the upper end the majority. not all but the majority okay it sounds. like you're kind of stepping not a. contingent group it sounds like unafraid. motivational speaking becoming an author. spreading the word of Christ yeah is. your New Passion that's the passion man. and contingent group is sounds like it's. a Well greased machine now you don't. that doesn't need all of your attention.

right so let's which is hard to walk. from when it's your baby yeah it's like. ah I'll come. back I understand but I'm still fully. engaged in there I'm still don't think I. cuz I do enjoy it still it's just I'm. being led I'm being led and I got to. listen yeah well I mean it's when you. were telling me about that yesterday it. really blew me away I was like holy [ __ ]. this is uh way bigger and and way more. advanced than I yeah imagined but let's.

talk about unafraid now so how did how. did that start did this start with your. wife no. so my wife comes in at the very end cuz. the book was not done so this. book the first thing that I come up with. came up with for name assess was. facade and it was I was the facade I was. the poser I was the fake I was this Navy.

SEAL right but below I. was a bag of crap I was I was weak. physically strong but weak mentally and. emotionally very weak I wouldn't say. mentally uh but one. night before the suicide piece like. right. before wow it was like right before. that's interesting I never thought about.

this. wow I woke up about 2:00. a.m. and I just like thought heard that. should write a book and I was like. that's stupid like do you not any Navy. Seals write books I will not be a part. of that category that's exactly what I. was telling myself and I couldn't go. back to sleep and I literally was like. fine like a little kid went to my office. got my legal pad got a pen came back to. my bed propped up my pillows started.

writing and that night I wrote out. pretty much the outline of this. book uh. so I went. [Music]. into in depth to give it some to give it. the meat and potatoes of it and I didn't. know where to start so the one thing. that I knew very well was the chapter. about Louise that. night um I knew everything I knew the. details I knew the way things touched I. know the way things looked I know the. way things smelt I know how I felt I.

remember everything so I started that. chapter and I did that chapter and as. I'm writing that chapter I'm balling I'm. losing it and uh I'm like I I had to. like take a break and I went back to. like my childhood wrote about my. childhood then I went to the. Marines and I had a specific incident in. the Marines where I like turned the. corner and like I'm now a man when I. learned really what mental toughness. was and.

um I wrote about 150. pages over the next couple. months and I just I don't know what was. the turning point in the Marine. Corps uh we were I'm sure you've heard. of like the sand fleas down in Paris. Island like these little bugs they just. bite you they suck they are so annoying. it's just like a tick or a a bee that. doesn't hurt too much it's just like it. kind of stings you but they have tons of. them down there and we were we were. Drilling and I just like had my rifle at.

right shoulder arm so it's like laying. like this and we're just standing there. and this one of that little sand flea. kind of comes up and lands on my forearm. and I'm kind of like looking on my. peripheral vision like looking for the. instructors and I think I'm clear and I. kind of just do this kind of wipe it. away and all I hear in this deep voice. was recruit Penny I was like my gosh. here we go and it's like fall out so I. fell out and I just followed him and I. knew where we were going and we were.

going to the what they call the sand pit. there's these pits they look like a big. sandbox all over the it's like the beach. right for buds but they got these sand. pits everywhere and they just beat the. crap out of you and there like side. sttle hops jumpy Jacks what you call. Push up situps Sprints a account. bodybuilders I don't think bures were. invented back then uh but all these. different calisthenics and things just. just annoying make you sweat it's middle. of the summer um and I was alone with. him this the first time I was alone with. a drone structor and.

uh and I was like I'll I'll take your. punishment I I don't care it's not a big. deal dude like so we're going and we. were there for so long like the Shadows. moved to the other side of objects like. we were there so long. I was like I. was I was like uh I want to file a. grievance I feel like you're abusing me. like it was like I was like dude is he. allowed to do this like it was got it. was getting me to that point and I and I. wasn't looking for a safe place I'm like. this just seems awkward to me like it.

seems like I'm I'm getting uncomfortable. right now and um he just starts beating. me and then he starts having me do these. Sprints like to this there's like this. shed where it like hows like um like. lawnmowers and you know know lawn. equipment for that area so he's like hey. Sprint back here and or Sprint there and. come back and you've got you know 45. seconds whatever the time was never. enough to go do what he asked and come. back it was by Design right and I was. getting frustrated and I got this I was. Dripping sweat it was going to my eyes.

you know the feeling that just burning. like acid in your eyes and I was. starting to get irritated and I was. starting to feel sorry for myself and I. was like give myself the victim. mentality like oh poor me what' I do. like well you're the one that did that. you actually started this. and he kept doing it and he kept doing. it and uh I started. crying 17-year-old away from mommy. getting destroyed by this Dr instructor. Martinez never forget him wearing. glasses his Marine Corp glasses that I. just want to rip off punch him in the. face I wouldn't have been done anything. CU I couldn't even lift my freaking arms.

or move I was. smoked and he just kept doing it and. doing it and I I I was like dude when is. and and and he can see me breaking he. can see me breaking and he comes up to. me he stops barking orders and he comes. up to me and he looks at me and I was. hoping that he didn't see the tears but. they they don't you know they see it. right and he. goes. discipline he go he goes it might seem.

like a small thing to itch a bug off. your. arm but in combat sitting in an ambush. it could mean your life and then he goes. more importantly the guy next to your. his. life and he just stared at me and it was. like he was looking through. me and. something switched to my.

brain I was like let's. go let's. go give me. more that's what I was thinking in my. head yeah so he steps out of the sand. pit and I'm like okay are we done now. like I think you made your. point and he starts do it again and we. keep going and we keep going but this. time I'm like angry I'm mad I was like. you will not break me I was like I was. like Huff I'm like let's go like I was.

like saying stuff I was like let's go. let's like I was amped it was like. someone just hit me with a shot of. adrenaline and I was. going and that has changed my mindset. ever since. probably important to throw that back in. there but that was a big deal that was a. big day for me that is when I became a. man that is when my mindset and the kind. of bir that. unafraid how I. think that was it that was it I was.

different from that day very. different wasn't timid or shy I was like. let's. go so that was um yeah that was turning. point that was a turning. point so un afraid let's get back to. that started as a book yeah so now it is. a brand I had the and I put I put the. 150 pages that I wrote by myself in. Tulsa Oklahoma up on the Shelf.

so started working with the NRA it was a. carry guard course it was a bunch of. spec ops guys uh they they put on a. bunch of tier one guys to run these. shooting courses for the NRA to give. some life cuz the NRA is made up of like. a bunch of older people and it's just. well it's old it's outdated so they were. trying to give it life so we were trying. to breathe it into it so we did these. shooting courses phenomenal shooting. courses uh so I met Keith on one of. these courses he was actually riding for.

the NRA and he was riding for guns and. ammo Field and Stream like he's he's. he's you know does a lot of he's a big. hunter big gun guy um he actually knows. like the nomenclature of things like I. don't know anything like I'm like dude. just give me a gun that works like I'll. like I'll tell you what it does but uh. he knows all that stuff but uh I put him. through that course I was his instructor. and he didn't need any instructor he. just did it so he could write about it. and he was going to do interviews with. instructors to kind of talk about it to. give it like to boost it up to try to.

get some. traction and. um that course went away and I knew. Keith was writing for did a book um that. we discussed last night for New York. bestseller it's turned into a motion. picture now on Prime on Amazon Prime uh. he did a couple of those books he was a. big part of that um but due to legal. issues you won't see that yeah uh but I. I hit him up I was like hey man or I did.

I did the ritland podcast episode 23 I. think that's the one you listen to The. First One MH and uh a lot of people are. like dude you should write a book you. should write a book and I talked about a. lot of the things that I initially wrote. about so I was like ah maybe I should. maybe I should do that it was kind of. Weighing on me for like a couple weeks I. was like I I wouldn't know where to I. don't know how to write like I I'm like. like a fifth grader so I remembered. Keith and I I I texted him I was like. Hey man can we can we talk and he called. me like right away and I was like hey.

man can you do me a favor can you listen. to this podcast i s him the podcast he's. like yeah man I'll do it uh sometime. this week I was like cool he calls me. the next morning it's like I listen to. the. podcast and he goes that's awesome man. and I go. um think it's good enough to be a book. he's like. yeah and U I'm like would you help me. write it and he goes I thought you would. never. ask I did not know this at the time.

Keith was having a falling out with the. person that he was working with at the. time and he was looking for another. project and he actually like I thought. about you cuz I knew some of your story. cuz we talked about it you know over. drinks or whatever uh and then when he's. like when you sent that to me he's like. I already knew what it was and I already. knew my. answer and it was just like wow and and. we started working on that uh took a. couple years he would fly down we would. do the interview he would interview me I. gave him what I had and then he he um he.

put the words to it and and I and. I have got to give him credit for the. words in this book I told the story. but this that that man made art like it. is it is so good how he he's a a. phenomenal he's a phenomenal writer and. he's a a very dear friend very very. upstanding guy uh very trustworthy guy. and uh at that before like kind of at.

the beginning of this it was like. preco I was kind of getting a little. piece of like the motivational stuff and. I was like man why is everyone afraid of. everything like I I saw like the Trump. the Trump versus Biden was going on and. I heard a stat on the radio I don't know. if it's true and it doesn't matter but. it probably is it said that. 63% of Voters are afraid to tell you who. they're going to vote for 63%. 63% I was like that is the dumbest thing.

in the world and it's because they don't. want to they're afraid of any conflict. it goes back to what we were talking. about with the Christian men same thing. so I was like unafraid like I fell in. love with the word afraid enough where I. got a tattooed like it was. everything um and I'm like and I just. brainstorming thing and I found I was. going through Shutterstock uh to get a. photo for a post for contigent group or. something like that and I saw this. logo and I was I was looking for a.

picture of a heart I think it was for I. don't know what it was it was something. based around security or whatever it is. and I saw this logo it was a half a. heart half a brain and it had some like. paint spouted around it or something I. was like that is awesome so I downloaded. it kept on the computer didn't really. use it for. anything um and then when the unafraid. thing it's like dude I need to make a. logo for this so I did a t-shirt t-shirt. started to sell people would love it. like I love that I love the way I love.

the way it is and then we started. putting the logo together um which. actually a little bit before sorry. little confused on that so we did the. logo and then started doing just a. t-shirt. I was like man like people are like hey. thanks for just that shirt like it it it. it helped me I was like how does a shirt. help you but then I think about the. stuff that I wear I love motivational. stuff I love motivational quotes I was. like okay cool I'll just I'll do another. t-shirt so we started doing more and. then what I realized without realizing.

it is all my branding was kind. of. moving to Christ I didn't realize this. I wanted to be a fighter I like to be a. fight not so much like a a fighter but. like to fight for what you believe to be. right and uh so I did. like Biblical verses that show tell you. that you need to be freaking a fighter. like shirts that say not passive like.

I'm not going to be pushed. around um and just like I'm going all in. like and I just tried to like turn it. into that it just kind of morphed into. this um this thing and and one day I'm. up and oh in the shipping room turn our. movie room into a shipping room um and. I'm just looking around like all the. stickers and and the bands and the. shirts and the pin and just all of it. and I'm. like I was kind to look up the sky and.

I'm. like you are so. sneaky I'm like I've got Fai stuff. everywhere without even realize I've got. Fai stuffff Faith stuff I'm like I. it was like I was blinded to it. all like I'm I'm All About The Warrior. piece all about the warrior piece like. our shirt say you know Warrior but I'm. like well we'll put that on a cross cuz. I believe that we go back to Gold got. the cross y it all meshes now it makes.

sense to me becomes full circle it's. full circle it's a great way to put. it and then I'm like okay so people were. starting to reach out on Instagram and. like saying hey thanks for po posting. this and I started put some just Bible. verses that meant something to me I'm. like hey maybe ible help somebody else. and there was one time one time this. individual reached out and I I and it. was I think it was a. dude and he goes you posted. this and it just saved my.

life he how' that. feel I was like. wow one quote a few words on a little. screen or wherever you watched. it saved his life and I knew it wasn't. like a you saved my life man it. was you saved my life I could feel it by. reading the. words and it that started happening more.

and. more and I'm like that feeling I. described about killing someone. got. trumped by the feeling of helping. someone by encouraging. someone I was. like that is. awesome if it just helps one person that.

would have taken their life or would. have gone home and beaten their. kids I was like. okay okay all. right all right I'll do that. and it's. like non-stop especially when this book. came out the the messages you really. helped me out I was a single father. struggling this helped me out I've been. addicted this helped me out showed me. light and that's what it's.

about enough of. me enough of me it's about them it's. about. him. that that. is a better feeling than putting a. bullet in somebody's. eyeball and don't don't let me fool you. that is a great. feeling but it won it won I'm won I'm. sold I'm all. in I want to keep doing it and I'm going.

to good for you. yeah what else did that lead. into uh leted. into some speak. stuff and I was actually talking to. Keith about this I was like I need to do. more speaking I want to do more speaking. I want to I want to feed guys I want to. feed more may let into more products and. and stuff like that it's leading into. books two and three coming.

up uh but as I was talking to Keith I. was like dude I need to somehow give. these talks but kind of I want to. interject God more I want to talk about. God more and I don't want to talk about. God where someone's like inverse yada y. yada where it just like cuz I remember. me I'd be like all right I'm checked out. I don't know what that is you you lost. me and. um I was like I need to do that in a. tactful way and I'm thinking of myself.

because man if you said anything wrong. I'm like I'm I'm step arming you like I. don't want anything to do with you like. you can't force that. stuff um but I was like I I want to. somehow do that I want I want to talk. about him more and uh cuz he's a part of. he's he's that story he's me and. um a day later two days later I got a. call from a guy did a podcast with a. year before he was a pastor at a.

church and he calls me and he goes hey. Eddie what's going on he goes this is. you know so and so I don't know if. you're remember doing a I was like yeah. yeah like how you doing bud what's going. on. he's like he's like I have to talk to. you I was like all right he's like I. have two questions or two things I need. to talk to you about I was like okay. cool he's like one do you think you know. next year around Memorial Day or fourth. of July you come up and talk to my. church I was like yeah I was like sure.

like I'd love to do that and it kind of. goes back to like I need to interject. more faith into my my speaking and my. testimony right because I if I leave. that out I'm not doing it justice. um and I'm. lying and he goes one more thing and he. goes this is he's like I've been. thinking about this for weeks he's like. I've been thinking about this for two. weeks he said two weeks. exactly and uh he goes I don't know.

why why I'm even asking this he goes I. do know why but it's just kind of crazy. and he's like I really have no and he. was really worried about my reaction to. what he was about to. say and he goes you've been on my mind. and I was like I want to be like that's. not really how you start a conversation. with another dude. bro but he's like I can't stop thinking. about you I've been praying for you he's. like youve just been weighing heavy on. my. mind and uh he goes I have a gift of I. can write really good. testimonies in a good way that you can.

tell your testimony and how God. interjected and how it does you know it. did certain things for. you and he said that. and I was just talking to Keith about. this a couple days. before it's crazy I I was blown away I. was like what the heck and. so I said sure I'm like sure okay like.

that that's good he's like well just you. know think about it and pray about it. and like when he said pray about it I. wasn't like okay what does that mean we. I was like okay I will and I will and I. did and I was like okay I feel I feel. good you you know I feel good about it. and he's like let's talk you know next. week he texted me like let's let's let's. talk in a couple days after you have. time to you know digest and process so. we talked and. um one thing I didn't mention so I told. you this book was called facad and then. it was like once Keith and I started it.

was within War just because like what. I'm feeling within like the war with. inside of me there like a freaking. combat zone in here bro and my heart and. my head every everywhere every little. piece of my body and then the war being. in Afghanistan Iraq you know Africa all. that stuff and. um so it was within war and then it just. changed when we got to the publisher to. be unafraid so I have this call with his. pastor and he. goes he goes hey Eddie I I really don't.

know a lot about you he's like I listen. to a couple podcasts I know you got the. book out he's like I need to read that. so I really get to know you just so I. can deliver a better testimony speech. whatever you want or. and I was like let me cite right there. we're not going to call it a sermon. we're going to call a battlecry I'm like. we're doing Warrior like I've been. convicted it's Warrior it's Warrior to. teach people Warrior we've got enough. soft crap going on that we don't need. that anymore we don't need we don't need. more and I'm not ripping on the soft. crap we need that compassion we need.

that love we do need that but just think. about it when you talk to your kid but. at the same time when evil brings its. head up in into your face you need to be. ready to fight and we're not we're not. equipped we are not equipped it's like. us going overseas and we don't have any. body armor and we have a gun with no. ammunition that's how we are right now. yeah I'm carrying stuff but I I can't do. anything with it because I don't know. how I don't have. it um and so he goes okay battlecry it. is and so he goes into he's like here's.

what I'm thinking I'm like I was like. I've been thinking about the same thing. for probably like the last year he was. like he's like verifying every thought. that I've been. having uh that I thought I was just okay. Edie you're thinking you know you're. thinking about yourself here you're. going off on your own this is something. you want to do which I'm trying not to. do and uh he goes I also want to send. you my book to read just so you know who. I am kind of what I believe just so we. you know before we work together and I. was like sure and he goes so my my book. is called um the war within and I go.

what' you just say and he goes the war. within I was like I was like dude we the. book unafraid was going to be called. within. War forever for like years and it. changed at the last minute and he's. sending me a book now called the war. within like you can't make this up no. you can't you can't make it up another. coincidence another. coincidence and I'm like dude okay like.

all right so like my passion and what I. think you know where it's taking me and. being verified by individuals not even. that I. know um you know it's coming to life and. I read his book and it was like eye. openening just really eye openening. stuff and it was a great book and uh and. so he just just the day before we came. here before I came here he sent me the. first draft of the testimony it was like.

six pages and it was like good stuff it. was like my story because he he knows my. story he's like you plug in this story. here he's like we're going to work. through this we'll change some stuff up. and and it was like. you can't make the stuff. up the. timing yeah I mean how many coincidences. do we want to call out here we've called. out a lot yeah it's. not and I mean I'm convicted I'm. convicted on what it is and I really.

just think like my next my next. chapter as I'm as I'm fighting for God. man I'm I'm like going to be that. Warrior and I'm going. to tell people people my experience cuz. that's all I have to go off of based off. of his word and what I've experienced. and how you process and what you take in. is up to you and up to him I have. nothing but to tell the. story and uh and I'm I'm fine with that.

and to encourage people and to motivate. people and to give because I've. taken too. long how's it feel to get up there and. speak I like it you like it I do do you. get a rush out of. it I wouldn't say a rush but I feel I. feel very comfortable and I I feel it's. where I'm supposed to be it's like okay. this is my domain this where I'm.

supposed to. be and uh it's just good to fill people. I can see just seeing their faces like. it clicks like oh like I'm like oh yes. cool rock on how do you get your. speeches do you give it's more based off. like a mindset your mindset and I mean I. use past experiences why I mean does. that's all I have to go off of yeah of. what worked for me what helped for me um. and I just kind of go off of that. and talk about the mindset piece and now.

I I I feel I have a I'm talking to my. first church in. December uh possibly same time maybe. before this thing comes out. uh and I'm excited I'm really excited. just to. be in God's. present and I have. a I feel when I get up there and it's my. floor being in that Arena no matter what. the structure looks like or what it is.

knowing what it is I'm going to lose it. and I'm okay with that good for you I'm. okay with that do you want this out. before that. speech you do your thing man you do your. thing um but yeah I think that's what. I'm supposed to be I think I'm supposed. to be encouraging talking about faith. that's what I think I'm supposed to do I. think I'm supposed to be producing the. gear that helps people like I I my. daughters wear this my son wears this my.

sons wear this um Amanda will wear it my. wife and they'll just walk down the. stairs and I'll just say unafraid and. that just seeing that I'm like that's. right I'm going to tackle everything I'm. not going to I'm not going to be afraid. of it I'm going to go do. it and uh yeah just accountability I. love it good for you I love it how'd you. meet your wife and so that's like the. biggest that's a big piece so God is. awesome God is awesome he was the savior.

of my life Christ was the savior of my. life. 100% meeting my wife is. like a whole another type of awesome I. mean you know what it is right like you. I really believe we've seen the the the. pictures on uh media you're only the man. is only as good as the woman next to him. and I really believe that and um I I I. see see that now um when I moved down to. Texas after I was at Cincinnati for a. brief time I moved down and I went into.

the gym and I walked it was the first. day I'll never forget it and I was in a. relationship at the time and I looked. over and I saw my wife Amanda she was. just a nobody at the time and she was on. the stair stepper on her little perch. looking over the gym doing her on her. stairs black yoga pants hair up in a bun. with a red tank top. on and I was like stay away from that. woman that is bad news I'm like that is. going to make me do some things that.

I've done in the past and I don't want. to go there. again and uh so I would see her there. quite often at the gym just her schedule. would work. out I would be lying if I say I didn't. tweak some scheduling pieces to coincide. with hers um but I didn't talk to her I. I kept my. distance. um I knew what would happen if I ever. talked to her and I was right she was.

going through a divorce she had two kids. I had my kids uh only two of them at. that time one was out of the house uh. two were two were with me and I was with. and with another. woman and we were going through some. stuff we were on the verge of breaking. up she was going through a divorce and. we just became friends there was it's. the first woman I've been with that. there was nothing physical I didn't hold. her hand I didn't kiss her for like two. years for two years nothing what was the.

initial. conversation I guess one of her friends. that show what's that what' you say you. need a. spot you can get a spot. uh she said one I guess one of her. friends came over I don't know if she. asked her friend to come over or she. just did but I'm sure they were I could. tell they were talking about me which. secretly I loved um the validation right. so she comes over she goes her friend. she's like so you in a relationship I'm. like I am and she goes oh okay and we.

just started like going back and forth. and then she goes so you're not in a. relationship and she like changed her. wording so she asked me first are you in. a relationship and I go yes and then we. do this conversation and I'm like. looking over at Amanda knowing why she's. asking me this I know it's because of. her I know it you just know and uh she. goes so you're not in a relationship and. I go that's right I'm not I go uh no I. just say no or I say or I go I go yeah I.

go yeah it's just confusing like and. then when she left I'm like oh my God I. just said I wasn't in a relationship. like I was like crap I was so flustered. knowing it was her cuz I I like is. gorgeous like she just she takes it like. I understand the song taking my breath. away from Top Gun I get it Top Gun the. original and um and. so she probably goes tells her yeah he. doesn't have a girlfriend or is not with.

anyone and so Amanda goes down she knows. a friend that works in the office at the. gym and she goes look this guy up she. like saw me come in one day she's like. somebody that let me see the all the. people that just swiped their card the. last 15 minutes so they get it up she. pulls it up sees who it is goes to Media. figures it out and she's like and there. was my girlfriend was attached to the. account she's like okay this guy has a. girlfriend.

and so we eventually start talking her. dad she like I can't remember how that. first like we just started making little. comments to each other like little. little things nothing crazy then we just. started like talking just like a. friendship kind of developed like there. was no dude there was nothing like like. a little harmless. flirting is that where we're going I I. wouldn't even say that I mean it got. there but at first it was like I like I. asked her she like hey do you need a job. like I needed someone to do background.

checks because I didn't want to do it. anymore and like it's something that she. could do remotely as long as she knew. how to do it and uh so she started. working for contig group and she was. just like a friend like God truth a. friend we didn't do anything but we. started working out at the same time. started like talking to each other and. then my relationship ended and then her. divorce was getting bad and she was kind. of. like me talking to her then she would. talk to me and there was like some ups. and downs with relationships and then we.

finally just said hey let's um let's you. know let's see each other after her you. know she was done with her situation and. all that stuff and we just that was it. became exclusive and like that woman's. got my heart man I Can Tell She's got my. heart she I love seeing her man she is. my best friend. she I know I get no judgment judgments. for her and she holds me accountable. which I can't stand sometimes but that. girl holds me accountable she would be.

like you are being a loser like stop I. was like. okay uh I mean just just doing life with. her it's it's Heaven man thank you it's. uh it's the greatest thing so we were. doing the. book we got to finish it up with me. proposing to her I went and talked to. her uh mother cuz her dad passed uh who. was a uh green uh spec ops dude in.

Vietnam with the Army and uh had a. security company like the same stuff. that's weird so I guess like that's. weird I would say a lot of the same. things that he would say I would be. messing around be like okay pumpkin and. she would be like what' you just say and. I'd be like pumpkin I'm just joking. around with you and she goes my dad used. to call me that all the. time like that was happening all the. time one more coincidence for you to. show you or to. show everyone pretty much and.

myself we we got we we did a Montana. trip we did that road trip I I discussed. with you and uh I proposed her at the. Grand Tetons up in Jackson Hole and it. was awesome we we did you know 13-day. like hitting Montana shooting over to. South Dakota coming back Colorado all. that. stuff and uh we got engaged on that trip. and then so. we the venue we wanted we couldn't get. until we just had it like two weeks ago.

our ceremony but we got married went to. the courthouse got married and. uh I was like hey why don't we go get. some dinner like celebrate somehow and. she goes okay cool so we go to like our. favorite Little Italian place and uh I I. text my son I was like he was the only. one I think the her kids were somewhere. else and mine was gone somewhere and I. was like hey dude send me look at the. menu here's the website tell me what you. want and we'll bring it home for you. we're going to grab a by te he goes okay. so he sends what he wants it's like the. most expensive thing and I'm like and so.

Amanda's like he's not getting that like. dude my my son's palet it's like. ridiculous he's like wanting red snapper. while all the other kids want chicken. nuggets it's like like it's good to have. kids test or taste everything but dude. when they start liking it's like your. Bill's like now $900 when it's supposed. to be. $9 but he's like he he eats it he eats. it all he loves Sushi loves it all but I. was like what did that so we got him. something else and I was like what did. that what did he want so I like look at. the menu I was like dude that does look.

good so I got that and it was like clams. muscles calamari and like some pasta. with some marinara so we get it and you. know we. say grace and um right that earlier that. day um I did a podcast and I have to. rehash past relationships my past and it. and it it's hard for her to hear. sometimes yeah I mean rightfully so I.

understand I I really do but I try to. explain like hey I have to talk about my. past I've got to talk about all the bad. things otherwise the Redemption and. pulling myself out a very dark place. means nothing I've got to set the stage. and weal we were talking about that and. I'm like it's all good like we are it's. it's good everything's fine and. um and I felt bad for her I I was like I. don't want her to relive this I want her.

to re I want us to live us right. now and so I take a bite I I I dig into. a clam and I get the meat out with my. fork and you know pop in the meat. enjoying all a sudden I get this crunch. I was like what the heck and I thought. like Moler or some kind of weird cap. that the Navy put in was falling out and. um so I I like a fat kid eat all the. food around whatever is in my mouth this. this forward object I pull it out and. I'm like you got to be kidding me it was.

a freaking white pearl what it was a. white. pearl not a black pearl not a piece of. rock it was a white Pearl that you would. see if I'm going to go pick out a piece. of. jewelry and get it get it from my. girlfriend fiance or wife that's what. you would pick that's what you would it. would be one of those are you serious. swear to God I could not believe it I. could not believe. it and um she thought I staged.

it which I was like man I really should. have that's a great. idea but I'm like I'm like what the heck. like we're like we're looking at this. thing we're just like we're like a. napkin and our waitress comes by and. we're like we just found a pearl and. this waitress we use all the time she's. been there for 20 something years at. this restaurant she's like never has. anyone found anything like that and. she's like let me see it and we show her. she's like oh my God she's like you just. found that we're like yeah like yeah and. we like so we're start googling right.

because Google tells all and it's like. the chances of finding a pearl and a. clam or oyster is like every 10,000 clam. is more is more rare uh but usually when. you find a pearl or what we would. consider Pearl there there's like multi. like five different colors there's black. ones there's all these different colors. the chances of find like a white pearl. is like it's just it's not going to. happen Doesn't Really. Happen another coincidence so I'm like.

and and it and it's and we looking up. okay what is the meaning of this one of. the meaning like says you know like it. says like new beginnings. wisdom and it's just like all these. things it's like oh my God like what's. happening like what the heck and and I. go and and like after I. process once again I start. crying and I'm like do you understand.

this and she goes what do you mean I go. we just got married. today this is a gift from God I truly. believe that that was a gift from God it. still is a gift from. God I believe it the. coincidences it doesn't add up it. doesn't work that way it does not work. that. way so we call our moms she's talking to. her mom on her phone I'm talking to my. mom explaining this they're crying we're. crying I had to like she called her good.

friend she's crying I had to call Dom. he's starting to choke up I'm like. explaining all this like trying to like. calm down I'm like dude can you freaking. believe that this isn't Saye and it's. just like finally out of trying to like. get my life that was like a tangible. sign like hey you're on the right track. to me that's what it felt like it's like. hey you're doing good keep going good. job here's your water here's a cliff bar.

keep going and it was just it felt. really good so we took that. Pearl and we turn turn into a. bracelet and we keep it um where we we. always have these two seats where we. have coffee and we got a little I call. it the battle box and it's the clam the. clam that it came out of and this pearl. bracelet sits in it with a bunch of. pictures oh man that's so anytime we're. arguing with each other we pull out that. battle box and we put this on top and. it's like do you remember this and we.

hash it out and it's really cool the for. real man and minus her. rings that was the only piece of Jew. jewelry she wore was that. Pearl uh this past. weekend it. was I'll make sure I give you the. picture I'm really happy for you I I and. only if only when I finally started to. listen I stopped listening to myself and.

started listening to him and uh since I. did like I said when I quit drinking. things started changing a lot and I I'm. mentioned that Pastor that reached out. he's like I've been thinking about you. two weeks. ago exactly two weeks of the day is when. I stopped. drinking to the day I'm not making this. up. wow damn. man it's beautiful it really is it's.

beautiful and it's not like it's all. like I said before peaches and cream or. a walking through the field of. daisies it's still daily a freaking. grind man and to try to do the right. thing dealing with kid issues wife. issues work issues friend. issues the news current events it's. still it's still a battle Yeah but we. can. choose how we handle those and there's. certain things that we can do to make. this and this better you know yeah there.

is happiness is a choice oh 100% 100% it. is yeah it really is and. um. yeah you got it I do I see it all over. you I do and I appreciate that man that. means a lot it really does um yeah I'm. very happy man I'm I'm very happy with. my wife my wife. is I love her so much I can tell I do.

what's this podcast you guys are doing. together so we have the penny so we have. two podcasts we got the unafraid podcast. where we kind of like talk about the. chapters and we're starting to do other. things now but we got the pennies. podcast which we just started having. these conversations and we're like I was. like man why don't we we should do a. podcast over this or she said it I was. like okay so being true to my word I. just started ordering a bunch of stuff. off Amazon got it sent up and just took. a room that we were really like it was a. sitting room like all right this is the. new podcast actually I had Jiu-Jitsu.

mats everywhere that the boys and I. would just mess mess around with and do. fighting stuff on so I ripped those out. and made a podcast room and um. we just wanted to be real like we just. said we want to be real talk about. relationship things she talks a lot. about having to deal with deal with me. my anger certain issues the drinking uh. we lay it out there we talk about it all. we we talk about a lot of stuff Faith. stuff the struggles we talk about it and. we just we're just real man we're just.

we're just real and uh it's I love doing. that podcast with her we just get so. close and I can just. see see her working and I just. I think that's probably one of the the. best times that I. truly understand what she's talking. about and what she's. getting and uh it's good it's really. good yeah it's it's it's fun I like. watching it I mean you guys interact. with each other yeah really I mean it's.

a it's a good example you know for for. there's not a lot. of I don't think there's a lot of happy. married couples I don't think there is. either you know and and um I've had two. of them that were unhappy yeah and you. see. that at least me and my wife see it when. we hang around couples who aren't happy. they get they it's just not a. good atmosphere to be in I. sense you can sense jealousy you can.

sense they want your relationship to. crash they want to drag you down on your. level and and uh so putting things out. like that like what you and Amanda are. doing it's it's just a good example MH. for for for married couples I appreciate. that man that's good to hear yeah it's. good to hear it's it's hard to do them. sometimes because the mindsets got to be. in a certain place especially for her. she's like I really just don't feel like. I just don't feel like it and I and I. and and we had a discussion about this.

actually like two weeks ago I was like. we we'll be amped to do a podcast and. she will like it's time to do the. podcast. and she'll get a real bad headache or. she'll get really tired or she'll be. like I just don't want to do it and it. happened like two or three. timesh and like on the third or fourth. time I was like I was like do you. realize that we will have it ready to go. we know we're going to talk about we. don't like plan we just we just want a.

free flow right shoot from the hip yeah. but we have a topic right because of. based off of something I was like do you. realize that this has been happening. right before we're about to do a podcast. I was like is it possible that you're. getting these feelings because this. message shouldn't go out to help all. these different. people like it's not a coincidence that. you're feeling that and it goes back to. that spiritual warfare piece and calling. it out like dude we got to fight this. like let's go we're pushing through this. we've got to do it yeah it's helping.

others man it's helping it's helping. others much like this show is going to. help others just like I watch your shows. that I'm not on and it helps me. I mean listen to Chipley I was like dude. man wow like it was good I mean I hate. hearing that and hate to hear other. Buddies go through that but at the same. time it's like okay I'm not. alone it's normal yeah it's not normal. but it's you know what I. mean yeah you know I mean is that is the.

podcast still on so unafraid or Eddie. Penney uh the podcast is on everything. like YouTube Spotify it's on everything. but you can if you go to Eddie penny.com. I put some of them up there but I have. links to all the podcast on all my. profiles okay I got like the link tree. or whatever yeah that goes to anything. and everything okay we'll link it below. how do you guys pick your topics me and. my wife do a podcast to a very similar. but not so similar uh where we just we.

call ours it's not just us and it's it's. it's bringing up struggles and the whole. point is be like look you know this is. what so media looks like but that's not. that's not what we're dealing with you. know there there's real there's a real. we're a real couple behind the scenes. real struggles and not this facade yeah. right and so we put it out there you. know in hopes that people like oh you. know we deal with that [ __ ] right we get. advice from it we learn 100% oh.

absolutely it's it it goes both ways it. goes both way you're just kind of. starting the conversation yeah and uh. yeah we just kind of go over what we're. honestly dealing with or struggling with. we'll go over some of that at the time. yeah like and some of it like oh man we. should have talk about this or we or. another couple or something we might. hear about something and we're like. let's talk about this but usually it's. stuff that we go through like I talked. about my anger like getting the gangling. block shots did really nothing for me uh. we talked about that.

stuff talked about that Vision I had. about the craziness that's been going on. the coincidences just like crazy stuff. just we just talk about it yeah but a. lot of the struggles I mean we we we. call it like the PTSD piece a lot cuz. she lives with it she had to deal with. her father yeah and now she's dealing. with with me so she's she understands it. very well that's how she would probably. deal with me and I'm much better now but. I still have my issues man it's gotten.

way better since I quit drinking but uh. what's something you would like to work. on the cussing still the cussing yeah. but I mean. I don't want to. get I have a tendency if I'm upset with. someone that I can kind of pretty much. treat you like you're dead I don't want. to do that I can do it with my. kids I do that I don't like doing that. you're almost like you're dead to me.

until I'm over pouting and then I can. come back and we can engage like nothing. ever. happened I want to get better at that I. want to look at it for what it is and be. like okay you're a child I'm a 44y old. man that claims to be mentally tough. right like I and like I said man I I I. still struggle like just like the next. guy I just fix one thing and move on to. the next uh but that would probably be. my number one thing is like the patience.

and the understanding and the. grace uh a little bit. more God that's that's the B that's my. battle right now that's my. Battlefield well. Eddie I just. man I'm happy you came I'm glad I got. the invite buddy I appreciate it it was. awesome to see you dude you too and well. done on this podcast like you've got a. very good podcast here dude I'm very.

proud of you thank you and like I'm just. glad things are working out for you got. the. family you're getting over ruined by. Californians like I'm I'm super. it's it's good to see your brothers like. doing well man I I love it I love it so. just keep going keep going I know you. will I will you too I got one last. question yes sir you have a son I do. your wife has two sons so I have a right.

now I have a 13-year-old son I have an. 18-year-old daughter and a 23-year-old. daughter she has a seven-year-old son. and a 10-year-old daughter so we all we. both have all these okay that's what. that's what she brought in she brought. in two I had three the only one's in the. house on my side right now so we have. three total in the house after. everything you've been. through would you want your. sons to join the military and go to.

war am I allowed to pick a good. government. that's would you want your children to. experience what you. experienced no. and. yes. no because I don't want them to have to. deal with the. aftermath yes because I want them to. understand evil and I want them to. live and that sounds kind of weird going. to war living but it makes sense that's.

living and. uh. fighting for a great country this is no. matter what the Tabloid say this is a. great country the people of this country. are great. people um what we stand for is a great. country that flag is. great yes I would want them to stand up. but only. only if their heart and soul is in it. that's it if their heart and soul is not.

in it then I wouldn't want them to do. it if they felt forced to do it I. wouldn't wanted to do it but they wanted. to it if they feied it if they craved it. absolutely and I know the baggage that. comes with it and I would be there to. support him the best I possibly. could well thanks for answering that. yeah but once again Eddie it was a a. real honor to have you here sitting in. the cross for me and and uh I just wish. you the best of luck with contingent. group with unafraid with your book with.

your next book coming out your. podcast your personal life and your. family life likewise my friend likewise. thank you it's good to see you where you. are that's. good I'm thank you appreciate. [Music]. [Music].

it hey everybody I'm Shawn Ryan click. here to subscribe to the Shawn Ryan Show. YouTu YouTube channel for the hottest. and most compelling interviews that you. will not see anywhere else I've also. made a playlist of all the previous SRS. episodes so they're easy to find you can. find that right here.