David Rodriguez - Heavy Weight Boxing Champ, Overcome Bullying, Getting Sober | SRS #022

how's everybody doing i'm in  downtown franklin tennessee today. we're getting ready to release david nino  rodriguez former heavyweight boxing champ. one hell of a backstory if you guys  don't mind if you like the show. please hit the subscribe button and then  turn the notifications on all by hitting. that bell that way you can be notified all the  shows coming out all right everybody love you.

enjoy the show a lot of good stuff coming  cheers have you ever looked into like some. of the psychedelic treatment types i did it all  now did you do it i've done shrooms i've done it. all you did do it with a shaman a shaman the whole  universe opened up for me what do i mean by that. i just started going down this wormhole  i got thrust into a different reality. and i saw entities the best way i can explain  it i saw things that it's like a veil was.

lifted yeah did that help you yeah it let me know  there's a lot more out there that i do not know. when i started knocking them out it was like  an orgasm to me it was like a fix it was like. i was getting i was getting shot up with heroin  or something it felt so good every time i hurt. someone and knocked them out put them on the  canvas put them on their back it was addicting. it's powerful stuff man and i took that and  i drank the whole flask and i went back to.

the vip section i remember his face just looking  at me like you couldn't believe what i just did. i started telling my friends your friend's dying  your friend is dying look at him from dying on. the purple my neck was turning purple and i  was gasping for i was having cardiac arrest. the el nino david rodriguez.

what's going on patreon. join me on vigilance elite patreon  for our live video teleconference. david nino rodriguez in the flesh baby welcome  to the show uh thank you for having me sean. yeah you're welcome what uh what do you go by  do you go by dave david nino uh people that.

don't know me call me nino right yeah that's like  the boxing ring name i had but people that know. me call me dave so you can call me dave where'd  you get that uh they were doing write-ups about. me at a young age when i was boxing you know  nine ten years old they just called me nino. and that stuck with me throat not a very  intimidating name yeah in the box stuck with you. the whole thing it stuck with me the whole career  man until um it was uh it was just something that.

the newspaper gave me back when i was about nine  or ten years old and my trainer adopted it louie. louis burke and he's coming nino just nino because  i at that time i had a baby face now it's vehicle. so you know things change david viejo rodriguez. wait i got you a little something oh everybody  that comes on gets a little present oh nice all.

right you got any guesses well never mind this  is and you know i'll be wearing this on my show. hell yeah absolutely man think i wanna and this  of course the coffee mug so yeah you know this. is gonna go a long way with me something and  oh damn oh man you had to do it didn't you. dude the gummy bears the uh s'mores was amazing  by the way i got some more you want some s'mores. you want some s'more s'mores yeah all right  yeah those are like unreal but this is this.

is amazing thanks sean yeah this is really  cool thank you brother hey you're welcome. but uh put on an extra yeah so two pounds of that. so you got a hell of a boxing career you  wrote a book you were undefeated until your. last two fights i believe yeah now we just  had this conversation what do you do now.

i'm a youtuber sean uh you know that's a really  awkward thing to say because i i mean really. that's what it is it turned into that i mean  uh we were talking about that on the way up. here and honestly it's it's a it's a strange  thing it's very foreign it's very alien to me. i've never really uh i don't even know where  to categorize it you know what i mean it's. just like a an alien on my doorstep it's it's  the weirdest thing i've never thought i'd be on. youtube doing podcast or anything of that nature  what happened for me happened very organically.

and very unexpected it was not  something that i set out to do. basically after boxing i thought well boxing  career is over getting in my older ears now older. years now i'm just going to go into commentating  maybe train some fighters here and there maybe do. some real estate here and there but i really had  no ambition to be into the podcast business at all. so it hit me it blindsided me what made you start  it i that viral video i had about in 2020 talking.

about the human trafficking really um that set it  off that was like the match that lit the forest. on fire that went viral got millions of views  yeah and it happened overnight honestly yeah. so it was i was just doing a facebook live and  just casually talking about oh yeah there's. kids in tunnels and there's adrenochrome  and this and that and next you know. uh that was on a facebook live and then the  next morning i wake up i'm like is this right.

you know i'm used to getting about five ten  thousand views but i'm like a hundred thousand. views what's going on here i go this has to be  this has there has to be a glitch yeah then as. the day progressed i'm like 200 000 views 350 000  views 400 000 views then i'm like uh yeah delete. delete that i'm going to die i was getting i was  like getting very concerned for my safety so uh. i took that video off but it was already  copied and set out all over tik tok all. over instagram and i was like okay well oh  boy this is either i either embrace this.

yeah or i run from this go hide out in like costa  rica somewhere i don't know you're just on a rant. it was just i was it was literally i was having  a cup of coffee and it was during the lockdowns. and everything and i was like you know what's  really going on here and um i started talking. about it and when that happened it just it  caught fire yeah and then it was like uh. took on a life of its own be honest with you  and um like i said i prayed about it i had to.

really think about what am i going to do here  do i want to uh run from this or embrace this. and i really did pray about it and uh i embraced  it and i said you know what i but i had no idea. was gonna take me in a whole different direction  with podcasting and youtubing and yeah you know. things of that nature it kind of it took on  its own life force best way i can explain it. it's crazy you know that's that's kind of i just  fell in my lab too i just got tired of answering.

emails so i was like i have this bright idea i  was like you know what i'm gonna make a video. that addresses all of my frequently asked  questions and then i'll never have to answer. another [ __ ] email and that video wound up  getting like five million views and that was like. i was like oh [ __ ] maybe there's something to  this yeah and then it just yeah brought on a whole.

life of its own kind of like what happened for  me sean i i i wasn't expecting this i wasn't out. to do this i had i dude i didn't even know how to  work youtube a year ago i didn't even know how to. like work social media i knew how to do a facebook  live that was my extend on my social media. i had no instagram i was like barely ever on  instagram and then when this hit all of a sudden. literally when that bit this is what scared me  the most about that was when that video hit that. night my phone was losing battery with all the  followers i was getting on twitter on instagram.

on uh on on youtube it was just going  ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. all day all night the next day for the weeks going  on i mean it was it was stressful i didn't enjoy. it i was like this is not what i want i freaked  out i was freaking out on that because i thought i. had the little bit of fame and taste of fame  and celebrity quasi celebrity status in boxing. until this hit and i was like this was attention  that i did not want to get yeah honestly with. you i did not have any desire for this and it  freaked me out yeah it freaked me out it's weird.

it's very uncomfortable man because  social media is a different animal because. when you put yourself out there um let's say like  when i was fighting there was not really much. social media when you put yourself out there on  tv and do stuff like that and you fight on tv. you have press conferences stuff like that  your life doesn't have a magnifying glass on it. does to an extent but not like now social  media where people are are posting every. hour about their life about what they ate this  and that so people really get to dive into your.

life with social media and you're exposed yeah in  every category and you're very easily accessible. that was not that that's not how it was when i  was boxing when i was boxing the only way you. could talk to me or i could talk to somebody was  during an interview like this or um uh you know. you'd have to set something up there was  no dms and and yeah and emails like the way. it is today like you're just that much more  accessible and that's kind of uncomfortable.

it's it's funny because you we found you've we  found each other through my social anxiety video. which would both struggle with social anxiety yeah  you have close to 250 000 youtube subs within what. two years one year one year and yeah and uh  it's weird being out in the limelight like that. and it's funny because we're talking you were  talking earlier we were talking and it was.

i was a undefeated heavyweight boxing champ  and now when people ask you what you do it's. oh well i'm a youtuber i'm a youtuber i'm the  same way yeah i'm an influencer i i you know i. can't get used to those terms man i don't want to  accept them but yeah i saw your video uh i was uh. i was just going through youtube and said like  oh you might like this video or whatever they do. and i was watching her and that was during the  time i was watching a lot of sobriety videos.

and um because that was what was keeping me strong  through my uh sobriety was i i'd watch youtube. videos of people that were just sober newly sober  people had been sober for six months whatever. and yours was about social anxiety and i was like  oh i suffer from that let's see what this guy's. got to say and you were speaking on it and i was  like wow i was like exactly what i'm going through. and this guy's a former navy seal so i thought to  myself man i'd love i tried that's why i reached. out to you it's like man come on my show i'd love  to talk to you about this and it helped me a lot.

you know reaching out to you and doing that video  because you this is where you feel really alone. is whenever you quit something like alcohol  that was a lifestyle not just something i did. but a lifestyle you know my my whole thing was  fighting womanizing drinking gambling the whole. all vices i embraced all those vices once i quit  out drinking everything went away and now the ups. and downs that i was used to are not there anymore  so when i saw your video on how you deal with it.

um i i had to reach out to you man  i had i had to make that connection. so i did well i'm glad you did this is  what the third the third youtube collab. that we've done but uh it's all been really good  stuff and uh yeah but um so just diving into your. past you started boxing at a young age because  you're being bullied yeah that took on a life.

of its own now you've then you wrote a book on  anti-bullying um kind of about your life yeah and. and you speak about it and now you do this  youtube stuff and a lot of it's uh kind of. i mean political you know and uh it's just  you've crushed pretty much everything you've. put your hands on it seems like in life to include  your boxing opponents yeah but yeah but what i'd.

like to do is kind of dive into your childhood a  little bit to see what what happened why you went. the boxing route and uh and then kind of move into  some of the struggles with social anxiety ptsd. and uh and how it is being sober you know so um  so let's let's dive right in where'd you grow up. i grew up in el paso texas border town border city  that juarez so i was exposed to two countries at. a very young age you know um very highly chicano  culture in el paso um very familia a lot of family.

but um you know you also have the disposal  of another country next to you so at the age. of 13 14 like i told you earlier um that's when  the really what i thought was normal but it was. alcoholism at a very young age and it was normal  there you know going to juarez and doing and uh. constantly getting into fights  getting thrown into the mexican jail.

was a way of life you know five dollars drinking  drowned i mean you go to juarez and you cross over. the bridge you walked over this was pre-911 so  there was no there was no paranoia and terrorist. paranoia you could just walk over oh american  okay go you just walk over you can walk over. with beer i mean it was easy and you walk over  and kids were vomiting on the side of the road. over the bridge you know like i mean it was just  a party town yeah back in that time and starting. at a very young age at 13 uh was how it all  started and it was rough man we'd go to clubs and.

bars and there would be bar fights almost every  weekend and we'd be a part of it somehow some way. well before we go into that i think you started  boxing at what age five years old so if five years. old so you're being bullied by a girl yeah and  your old man stepped in and said we saw where this. was going so what's however that was going fast  what kind of st what kind of stuff was happening.

with the bullying well i got my ass  kicked on the playground by a girl. when i was like five years old um and that  was like obviously very traumatizing for me. the way it happened um you know i kind of hid  it from my father i was coming home every day. with a bloody nose black guy the girl was  much bigger than me okay i was five years old. she was actually 25. she was like 14 no she was  she was like about eight or nine years old but.

yeah she was she was beating me up every day  and it was humiliating i was coming home and. hiding in my room and or whatever and my dad  uh knew something was up he knew the gig was. up you know and he um one day said my sisters  followed me to the park and saw what was happening. and i had very protective sisters older or younger  older sisters and they uh they stuck up for me and. and um called her some really bad names and  uh took me back home told my dad what was.

happening my dad was like uh that's no son of  mine it's gonna be bullied much less by a girl. uh so he took me to the boxing gym and when he  did that it was terrifying because he took me to a. real boxing gym not like this commercialized [ __  ] you see today you know the real boxing back days. back then was in the ghetto we were in it was the  slums of el paso where they had like the city gyms. all the tough little chicano kids would go and i  remember the first day i walked into a boxing gym.

i was crying my dad just left walked me  and gave me to uh his friend uh tom mckay. who i always called affectionately my  uncle and he pulled me aside and started. teaching me how to wrap my hands and and i  was just looking around in this atmosphere and. kids that were eight or nine years old i  could not believe fighting like dogs in. the ring bloody fighting each other i'm sitting  there going this is what my dad wants me to do. and like a little a little [ __ ] i started crying  bawling for my dad like dad come back come back.

at five years old i did not want to be there and  i saw these kids that looked to me like monsters. they were only eight or nine years old but  they're in the ring punching each other blooding. each other up fighting like two pit bulls and i  was i've never seen anything like that as a kid. uh so it was like he just threw me into the  water and just left me you know and and and um. being there you know i started learning the trade  and and through the years uh i still got picked.

on a lot i didn't really come into my own until  about high school um even though i was excelling. at boxing you got picked on all the way up to high  school about middle about junior high junior high. and we just fast forward to that junior high okay  so junior high i was eating my lunch in a stall. bathroom stall in the gymnasium because i didn't  want to go outside to get my ass kicked that's. how many kids wanted to beat me up they heard  i was the boxer kid but i was still i was still.

felt like a coward i didn't really i i wasn't  really sparring yet in the in the ring i wasn't. i was hitting the mitch and looking really good on  the mitts in the bag but i never really tested my. uh my spirit you know i didn't know what kind  of fear spider fighting spirit i had so a lot. of kids wanted to test me at school and uh they  made it a living nightmare for me as if it was. it was hell i mean i was i was not i was a  tall kid but i wasn't a built kid i was skinny. i was uncoordinated i was going through an awkward  phase of my life and um there was just so many.

kids i wanted to kick my ass what what why did  they they just wanted to kick your ass it was just. i was like the big wedding the white boy the you  know everyone else you gotta remember at my school. it was the we had kids from the suburb suburbia  going to school there and the projects so we had. gangs and um and many times after the bus stop man  i had to run my ass home they'd be chasing me you. know and they were down in the lower area like  machuca jackie's projects we all went to school. together and so it was a different kind of element  you know what i mean so um i was constantly living.

in fear i was constantly getting uh threats  that they were gonna whip my ass i did get. my ass kicked a few times in junior high um and  that happened consistently but you know you can. only kick a dog so much you can only punch a dog  so much until finally just one day just one day. like that i flipped and i just i was like what  what took so long next thing you know how old. were you when you finally flipped i was about 16.  what were they saying to you i saw a kid that beat.

me up in school in juarez at the club at a bar and  i walked up to my old member of me and he goes ah. you [ __ ] [ __ ] whatever he said cracked him  it was over one point and then what's it he was. knocked out and then after that i was like because  i knew what kind of power i had and then after. that i was like this that's never gonna happen  again to where people mess with me then i was. like a big guy six five uh two you know at that  time 2 30 with a little man complex so it's like.

i had this weird combination of like don't look at  me the wrong way i might get you you know what i. mean like i was very uh it was just the natural  for me i look back and i think this is probably. the natural response from being picked on so much  and beaten up so much as a kid that of course. the the next thing over i'm now i turned into like  the bully you did turn it yeah i yeah i hadn't. yeah absolutely i turned into like i was mad at  everybody would you go out and pick fights or no.

for a while there me and my friends would  just oh that guy looked at you wrong. boom and hit him you know what i mean like not  even think about it yeah you know and that's. the way it was for a while only because it was  insecurity man you know when you when you get. down to it it was insecurity i was i didn't  i was insecure being picked on all my life. led to me becoming that person and then  ultimately having a really stellar boxing career. but that boxing career was based out of  insecurity let's just be honest i'm gonna.

be honest on your show that was insecurity  you know whenever you see someone you know. i was gonna name my book  bullied into champion because. all of boxing for me was just the natural  response to show that i wasn't a coward. because i was terrified of being a  coward i hated living those years so much. so badly being picked on knowing that i didn't  want to fight anybody i was sick of being picked.

on yeah you know for years that i had to hide  away into a bathroom stall that i had to it was. almost like my boxing career was to prove i was  never going to be that guy again does that make. sense it makes perfect sense like i just i had  to prove to the world that i'm not that coward. and um that that's how that turned out and  my career was unblemished for 36 fights i was.

knocking everybody out i didn't know how good i  really was and it was i was surprising myself with. every fight i was like oh my gosh another first  right now i got another first run knockout another. first one and then it was freaking me out i was  like how am i i was going through people like. a knife through butter like i didn't know how i  was doing it and as that persisted and kept going. the pressure started getting to me and i was like  holy [ __ ] i'm 20 no no you know 20 knockouts 25.

you know 30 you know like and i'm winning belts um  then realistic expectations started getting put on. me unrealistic expectations and no matter who i  was fighting i started having this unrealistic. expectation that i needed to knock them out in  the first round like mike tyson i've got to beat. the record i've got to hold the first i'm the king  of the first rounders i gotta knock everybody out. and that was ultimately what added so much  pressure on to me that led to alcohol and drugs.

that's a lot of pressure yeah i mean to deal with  and you know and and the mexican culture in boxing. is very unforgiving once they adopt you as one of  their own and you're the uh i used to call myself. the the great white mexican you know like it's  like almost like the great white hope but it's. but now you the mexican people demand a lot more  from you and you're fighting for country and pride.

and that is what ultimately i believe made  me fold so were you fighting for mexico. basically i mean i was the mexican heavyweight  champ i won the mexican heavyweight championship. uh the wbc mexican heavyweight championship i  i mean i was fighting for the pride of mexico. i had that pride in me i i fought under  rodriguez which was my roots um and that. and but you know when i it got to my head because  every time i knocked somebody out and come out.

and sign autographs people are like oh we come  to see you do one thing we were all just betting. on when you're gonna knock them out what round  you know first two rounds first round and that. started getting to me and it was too much pressure  yeah too much because not only did i have to win. now i had to knock them on the first round  no matter who i fought yeah and and that to. me was it was unattainable it was that's what  ultimately that's what made me crash and burn. right there boom that was it i couldn't i couldn't  it was the world was on my back and i couldn't. do it any longer and that's what i resorted to  the booze the women escapisms women booze drugs.

what kind of drugs everything everything  everything man what have you not done. sean i've done it all done all of it yeah  uppers downers uppers down like all rounders. pharmaceuticals yeah i what was your drug of  choice molly molly molly mixed with some alcohol.

i would even pop an adderall i would mix drugs  anything to get me out of my reality yeah and. it got to the point that if i wasn't blocking  out then i wasn't doing a good job of partying. i am you know you don't want to see a guy my size  not control himself start falling swaying back and. forth people get out of the way like getting ready  to yell timber it was bad and i'd wake up on the. floor at a bar sometimes uh in a jail cell not  knowing how i got there thinking oh [ __ ] did.

i kill somebody did i knock somebody out and hurt  them what did i do that this was happening more. and more consistently especially in my early  30s before we get too far into that let's take. it back to childhood so your dad put you in boxing  because you're getting bullied you [ __ ] excelled. at that a phenomenal pace um did your dad know  that you had kind of turned into the bully.

you would have been ashamed of me yeah so no he  never he never knew he always wanted me to stick. up for myself but the point that i got to where  i was just picking people out to knock him out. at a bar was something he would have been ashamed  of but for me it was i was trying to prove myself. yeah to me at the end of the day the race was  with yourself i i was trying to prove to myself.

that's really what happened  and and and um it was a. based all on insecurity man that's all i can say  it was my own insecurities that were making me do. that i felt like i had to do it you know what  i mean yeah um because i was i had i developed. such a complex as a young kid that um it it  it cultivated into my later years into being. a complete piece of [ __ ] [ __ ] all of it all of  the drugs the alcohol the all of it were escapisms.

stemming from insecurities and the fact that i'm  able to come on your show now and talk about this. and bear my soul to people who are watching  this is because i realized what it was and. i want to help other people deal with their  own demons and and um and i i can be used as. an example of what not to do i'm not ashamed of  that yeah you know and i'm a christian i'm i'm.

i you know i believe in god and i believe i'd  be doing an injustice if i didn't tell my story. when you were in the bar versus in the  ring preparing for a fight was it the same. for you or do you know what i mean you mean what  would you use to kind of pump yourself up anger. anger i was mad what would you think about i was  just mad all the time man i i guess it just uh. i developed this anger i was always pissed off i  hated my life i hated that i was picked on so much.

i hated that i had to that i was eating my my  lunch in the bathroom stall i hated it i hated. that person i hated me so when i knocked somebody  out in a bar something i felt better about myself. but really i hated myself i'm good and even  that that was even in boxing i was always. trying to prove something to to nobody else but  me every time every fight it was all stemmed from.

my turbulent childhood or like  the trauma i endured in childhood. i think a lot of i don't know what to call just  say maybe overachievers or people that find. success and extreme success and what they're  doing you know they feel that pressure and it is. it just it never ends you know and i mean honestly  that's why no no but it's ended for me now. yeah once i retired from boxing it  ended once once once that was put to bed.

my life changed now what about the competitiveness  though dude i'm not competitive at really anything. anymore really no man i'm chill like i  did all that i'm done i know what i did. i'm cool like i fought i was up there the best  of them top ten i'm over it i there's nothing. to be i don't i already did it okay it's like  you being a seal you do it you don't have that.

you don't have that insecurity of having to do  more you're just like [ __ ] i did it you know. i'm done you know i don't even care if i you know  pick up basketball games or whatever i don't care. i don't care if you beat me at pool cool high  five i don't care you know i just don't care. you know i just want to enjoy my life now i don't  you know i do my little podcasts i do what i do. i i tell you what i do care about i i care about  the direction this country's going and i you know. that's for me another arena that i'm fighting  in but for for the most part i'm i've really i'm.

not i'm not competitive anymore not like i used  not even close to what i used to be and i have. to think of this all right let's take a quick look  let me get on my cold is it going good though yeah. hey guys let me tell you about this subscription  service that i've been working real hard on. called vigilance elite patreon basically  on patreon we haven't broken up into three.

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no matter what tier you choose the support  is greatly appreciated and it is the only. thing that makes the show drive on so thank  you for all the support see you on patreon. all right so we're back from the break before  we kind of move into adulthood you witnessed in. your book a lot of kind of traumatizing  type stuff going into going into juarez.

what is yeah why is it yeah what is war what  is going on because yeah well uh you know. the friends that i hung out with in high  school going into well i should have been. going into college but nobody did that um we're  pretty rowdy we're really rough group of guys.

um you know we we were doing a lot of illegal  stuff um smuggling steroids over the border. uh and i'm talking about in the  tens and thousands of dollar range. um i would in high school i did a few drug runs  where i would drop them off in albuquerque phoenix. uh i would steal cars oh [ __ ]  yeah i stole a lot of cars man um. to the point that uh we were making good money not  only just throwing parties over in mexico but we.

were also like stealing cars and and i mean you  get a fake id you go to a car lot hand them your. finger do you let me take it out on a test drive  and make sure you don't see everyone's ever seen. me again so you would you would no in el paso  you wouldn't take the take take them from the. car lot and just go drop them off and water no [  __ ] yeah what are you making out of that nothing. two thousand twenty five hundred to give us but we  were just kids so we thought it was the greatest. thing so you would steal a car for two thousand  dollars yeah it was more for the adrenaline rush.

well i totally i i get the adrenaline yeah that's  the only reason i really didn't need the money. what were you hold on so how old were you were  even 16 14 14 years old running steroids and. stealing cars yep what else were you doing running  drugs running drugs yeah what kind of drugs. weed coke yeah how much they wouldn't tell me they  would just pack the trunk and i would take it to.

a place in albuquerque or wherever and a lot of  my friends are doing the same thing and the way. we were making money is it was easy dude growing  up on the border was way different than anywhere. else in america sounds like it yeah and then it  was normal like i didn't think of it as anything. illegal it was just what we did you know all my  friends were doing it i had friends that were. um you know i knew kids in juarez that were  already hitmen that were killing people dude.

i knew they in the boxing gym people would talk  you go to the boxing gym in juarez mexico or go. to the gym there and you know who it was who was  doing what you know so let's go through each one. of these we're so you're running steroids you're  stealing cars and you're running narcotics yeah. like how the [ __ ] do you even get involved in  that as a 14 year old kid who approached you let's.

go let's start with the cars do you know well my  kids but my my friends that didn't have parents. really i hung out with a lot of kid kids that were  uh had broken families and they didn't have a way. to make money so and they had cousins that lived  in juarez and this and that so i talked to the. you know we talked to the word got around and  then oh you make money doing that i can do that. let's go do it next you know you're making a fake  idea at your friend's house taking it over to the. dealership hey let me take this on a test drive  oh no problem brand new mustang perfect let me.

have that let me take that around the block  i'll be right back whoa we have his id oh god. no [ __ ] yeah and it but you can't do it long  because it gets out the word gets out kids are. coming with fake ids taking the cars you know  yeah so we did it we would hit three dealerships. in a day and then not do it again okay so walk me  through every step of the way of how this happens. so you run with a crowd you run with a poor crowd  yeah they were poor a lot of my some of my friends.

had a lot of money and but they didn't do this  stuff i had two sets of friends i had friends. that had money they were they were mainly into  like doing drugs right because they had the. money to buy the stuff so they were doing drugs  then i had friends that were into mischief and. problems because they didn't have money so they  had to do the legal criminal stuff to make money. and and that's for some reason that attracted me  more than anything but i will say this out of all.

this stuff that i was doing all the stuff that i  was doing the one thing the thing that saved me. was boxing that saved my life because then i i i  started realizing i liked going to the boxing gym. more so than getting in trouble and  that that's what saved me so i left. that life through boxing boxing kind of so boxing  did you know as as turbulent and as tough as. boxing was it did save my life interesting so with  the cars you you and your friends roughly how many.

usually about three or four of us  would hit three dealerships a day. how many cars is that no we only did that we  only did that twice okay yeah how many cars. i did about three cars they did about  four or five they did more than me. because they needed the money  i was doing it period one day. two days everybody would take about a day or two  to do it we did all the dealerships get them all.

knocked out quick so they can't so they have no  time to find out what's going on kind of you know. everything's very confusing and then and then  don't go back and do it again and then it got to. the point where i go to the ymca where my dad was  playing right this is how i got caught ultimately. i went to the ymca and my dad was playing  racquetball he played racquetball you know. and they put all their bags out outside of the  the racquetball court so um all the people that. he was playing racquetball with you'd go down the  line all the racquetball courts would be taken up. and they'd ever want to leave their bags out  with their glove and their keys their keys.

so me and my friends would go and take the  keys and take the cars while everybody's. car was missing except my dad's i thought you were  gonna say you stole your dad's [ __ ] car i didn't. well or one of your friends did no uh we used to i  well the way we got caught that time was that all. the cars were missing except my dad's car so they  knew like oh gee your son was here earlier today.

you know what i mean and that's how i got  caught that's how ultimately i got caught. and i i had to return all the cars which  i did how many how like that night were. uh years months no that's just months months  and then that time at the ymca when i got caught. um i think i think we took two cars and then  the rest we just stole the stereo systems. and did all that holy [ __ ] and i was very  lucky they didn't press charges on me well.

so who are you selling the cars to. you just take it to a where else and what is it  and they strip it down oh so you would drive them. in the room you just drive them in and then you  take a bus back home or or the cab or whatever. how many cars would you bring at once oh i could  only bring one at a time because i was driving. well i guess i meant like what you're  during the day everybody's like. uh two or three you know two or three.

yeah and like i said it was easier back then  to cross over and do stuff like that but. i did you know but like i said if it wasn't for. boxing i would have been i probably would have  continued down that path and it would have been. very ugly for me yeah you know what about  the drugs how did you get roped into. the drugs found out my friends are making  good money doing that being runners and. i only did that twice i didn't i didn't stick her  hunt and stay in that game because i was like man.

i was too scared i did it the first time and i  felt like you know going through the checkpoints. and like i just got i was nervous wreck and i just  did not want to keep doing it so i just did it. twice or you wanted to go into like a descriptive  so walk us through it you go to mexico yeah. you know you're gonna pick up a load of coke or  marijuana they wouldn't even tell me they'll just. take this take this from point a to point b who's  they the people i don't just the people i was.

dealing with over there i was a kid they always  got young kids to do this [ __ ] because it's like. they're more impressionable they need the money  whatever and then um i would just i wouldn't. have to go far i would just go to albuquerque  or yeah phoenix or you know i never really went. that far and then take a city bus back or  a bus back home who would pay it they would. they were always short. i was like this is not what i was promised but  you know it was it was just the day in the life.

back then man that wasn't like i thought that  was normal i thought all kids were doing this. no [ __ ] yeah cause then where  i grew up that's to me was. what we did me and my buddies you know  i mean and all my friends also were like. they were i honestly think  they were crazier than i was. way greater than i was all my friends were way  crazier than i was i feel like i was like you. know i would step over the line but i would  have come back you know i i didn't really um.

you grow up on the border towns especially at  that time seeing a lot of violence like we'd. walk over a bridge and you'd see bodies  hanging sometimes um it was crazy over. there man like but that became normal that  was just like you get desensitized to it. um you'd hear of a club getting shot up you'd go  still go back to that club the next weekend and. party i don't know how i got away with all  that juarez says as i got older got a lot.

more dangerous throughout the years and now i you  couldn't pay me to go over there anymore i mean i. know some people that still go there and they can  have more power to them but i'm not going there. what about the steroids so what would you do just  go yeah yeah the pharmacies wear them out yeah um. i had a friend that uh well we wouldn't  we would go but most of the time we bought. him right but there was one time where he  he went and he uh uh robbed the place and.

strapped duct taped the person onto a chair  and uh the farmer the pharmacist or whatever. and took about like twenty thousand dollars  with the [ __ ] and now she put it in a box. and uh he put it in the back of his truck and  okay so when that happened i wasn't with him. he dropped me off at a bar i met some girls i was  having fun at a bar he went and robbed the place. came back said hey man let's go back over i was  like all right i thought he was just gonna go. buy me some stuff i look in the back of his  truck and there's a huge box full of juice.

in the probably 50 000 range i would guess i don't  know i'm just guessing damn uh and all he did was. throw a rag on top of the on top of the cardboard  box it was out in plain sight in the back in the. back of the pickup with a rag on top of it and a  starter on it like a from a truck a starter on it. um and i'm like what's in the box and as we're  driving over the bridge oh i just he told me. what he did he robbed the pharmacy and i was like  you're kidding me and you have it just right there.

in the back of the pickup like this and playing  said he goes yep it's obvious they won't check it. because it's just out in plain sight  like that watch and i was like oh my. i remember that was like an eternal trip going  over that bridge i was sweating i couldn't get. out of the car because then it'd be suspect  out of his truck and so when we're coming over. they just looked at it and go yeah go ahead go  right over it i could not believe it it was like. it was like uh if we would have been busted  with that i would go to jail for a long time.

just being a part of that and i didn't even go in  there and rob the pharmacy with them i was just. but i was with them right so. there's been a lot of close calls that really  diverted my path from going down a life of. of that of crime and then [ __ ] like that  and boxing was the thing that saved me. when you got the steroids back over were you a  part of kind of destroying not that time because.

he did that all on his own so i didn't and in  fact when he told me i was freaking out i can't. be hanging out with this guy anymore i was my  conscience was starting to kick in like i think. i was about 17 at that time 17 18 i was like man  this is getting out of hand yeah you know and i. was already fighting amateur and i was wanting  to go pro so i was like i started like stepping. away from that crowd you had a real career you had  yeah i was like man i got a promise i could have. a promising life here and so i saw where all those  guys were going and i was like i just i just don't. want to i started distancing myself from those  guys at about 17 years old thank god i woke up.

to it you know but it was like you know it took us  it took us almost getting caught at the bridge bro. we were crossing over a lot and it was one of the  la that was the last time i crossed over anything. was um we went to the pharmacy and bought a whole  bunch of them about about 5 000 worth of steroids. and i was in my dad's car and it was a black  lincoln town car with tinted windows looks like a.

mafia car and and and the first thing that happens  when we go to the this is how this went down. i parked the the lincoln town car in front of  the pharmacy we go and buy all the steroids we. come out um not noticing that someone ripped  off my license plate so they stole my license. plate when i was there that's how we got so  so i'm too busy putting the steroids in the. back of the seat the back of the lincoln towel  car seat the back seat where you can lift it up.

and then shut it so i put it all in there and  i shut it and i get into the front seat and my. friend gets in the front seat and i go you want  to drive or should i drive i'll drive all right so. he's driving my car and i'm my dad's car and i'm  sitting there and as we're going over the bridge. i'm like man i don't feel good about this  and he's like i don't either i was like. i was like hold on i jump back in the back seat as  we're driving over the bridge i pull open the back. seat and i grab all the stuff out of there and i'm  like dude i'm going to put it under this seat so i. put it under my front seat and i put it under  his seat and then we're sitting there and for.

about another five minutes as we're driving over  i'm like i don't feel good about this either and. he's like i don't either i'm like oh man so i take  it out and i start taking the steroids out of the. boxes and throwing the boxes outside of the car  like an idiot so now we're going over the bridge. and we're dumping steroid boxes out on the bridge  as we're putting this stuff in our pants so now. our pants are like this looks like that and we're  crossing over and if you just touch it it goes. like a clicking sound like the plastic so we're  like outfitted now with juice all in our on our in.

our in our pants right right here but this whole  time i didn't know that someone ripped off my. license plate we get over to the bridge into the  into the american side and that guy goes uh whose. car is this and i go it's mine my friend's driving  it's my dad's car really you guys didn't steal. this car and i'm like what are you talking about  he goes you don't have a license plate i go what. and i get out and i look and i go oh man  someone just ripped it off he goes yeah.

i've heard that story before they pull over and  i'm like oh [ __ ] so we pull over and they come. up they go what are you guys doing and where  is mexico and i was like oh we came here to. uh we dropped our friends off at the airport  where are your friends going uh mazatlan uh. okay and we're trying back to school as  cucumbers right and they're like well okay so um. you guys smell like alcohol you guys drinking too  i'm like oh yeah we stopped at the bar i got some. we got a little lit you know blah blah blah  and then we're just sitting there like sweating.

both of us look payable we're still acting  like oh no big deal and i we both know we're. stashed we have tons of steroids in our  shirts and pants you know what i mean. so the guy goes hey you mind if i bring my dog in  here the the dog the sniffing dog and i was like i. don't think i don't think they can smell steroids  but i don't know and we're looking at them like. yeah go ahead we get out they let the dog in the  car the first place they look was the back seat. they opened that up where i had them in the first  place dogs in there looking around sniffing then.

they go and look under like they saw everything  i did they look under the seats and then i'm like. oh it's only a matter of time before they're  going to search us they go okay step out we're. already out we go the step over to the side so  we step over to the side there's a metal like a. desk or something right there and they  go empty out your pockets so we empty. out our pockets i empty out my pockets  and he empties out his pockets and i see. the first thing that lands on the desk is a  pharmacy card with the pharmacist number on it.

and i remember going oh my god and i'm  just staring at it i'm looking at the. customs guy and i'm like oh as soon as he  looked away grabbed it put in my pocket. and he goes all right uh he's looking through our  stuff then he goes i'm gonna patch you guys down. oh [ __ ] yeah and i was like and i looked at  my friend and i go [ __ ] like we're going to. jail so i put my hands up and he pats  me down well as he was patting me down. he went over try to go over the front i  turned like this and he went on my sides.

and then i looked at my buddy and i go do the  same thing and he patted him down and he turned. and i couldn't believe it it both worked it worked  for both of us he batted in and did the same thing. and the guy was like okay um you guys can go  and we're like all right thank you no problem. we get in the car and we take off and we drive  about three blocks up we get out and we're like.

we were so [ __ ] scared like i was like i'm  never doing this again god listen to me i'm. never doing this again this is it and that was  it for me that was it that was the last time. i ever did anything really illegal to be honest  with you that was it i i was so i was like what am. i gonna tell my parents how long am i gonna go to  jail for yeah like you know everything was going. through my mind as we were crossing over and  all because someone stole my license plate. yeah i was over there and and dude like that that  that was like the shift that's when i just started.

immersing myself in boxing because i was like this  this i'm too old for this [ __ ] i was like 17. 18 i'm like i can't keep doing this this is [  __ ] gonna get me killed or in jail so that's. that's how that ended right then and there i don't  know if it ended for my friend but it ended for me. you keep in touch with any of those guys man  i haven't talked to him in like four years.

you know we touch base every now and then how's it  going you know how are you doing but i don't know. what he's doing i don't know what a lot of them  are doing a lot of them are in jail some are dead. you know catching up to you you know uh you know. it's it's a was just it was a wild ride  man it was a wild ride sounds like it. yeah so how do you think boxing saved you that  was kind of your fallback plan or because no it.

wasn't a plan it was just i just always followed  my heart and it just felt good to go to the gym. every day and train and and um i just saw how i  was just progressing and how good i was getting. my left hook was the best in boxing for the  longest time i was knocking growing me i was. knocking growing men out at 13 years old and  i was 13 years old cracking dudes that played. football for utep that would come and do like a  summer training camp and my trainer would go hey. miho come here and he'd let me up because i'll  knock this [ __ ] out okay and then bing bing.

bing bing cracked the knees out yeah and i just  had the weight i just didn't know how to throw a. punch i just i had it's technique boxing is all  technique nothing about strength nothing about. you know how big you are physically it's about  it's like golfing how you hit a golf ball it's. the same thing and i learned at a very young age  i'd have a i had a killer left hook and i could. have fast hands and i was i had great timing and  i just it just uh i just blossomed in the boxing.

just took off and when i started knocking out  people like 13 14 years old 15 years old 16 17. when i started knocking them out it was  like an orgasm to me it was like a fix. it was like i was getting i was getting shot  up with heroin or something it felt so good. every time i hurt someone and knocked them out  put them on the canvas put them on their back. it was addicting the most addicting  thing i've ever done in my life. like that to me was just everything man  it was like that was my drug of choice was.

whenever i was it's almost like  hitting a home run like cracking just. that perfect when you land that shot and they're  just out it's just the most addicting feeling. do you know when you i mean when you connect  oh yeah like you just said you just see their. whole body fold and it's just you just feel it  it's the timing's right the precision's right. it's an amazing feeling and i'd  be i wasn't i was addicted to it. so you said what kind of pumped you up or you  know what got you in the mindset was you were just.

angry all the [ __ ] time in the beginning did  you hate your opponents yeah in the beginning in. the beginning um and then it the hatred and anger  and frustration turned into the love for the sport. and i really i really didn't fall in love  with boxing and then um but but that lasted. 10 years and then and then i started falling out  of box out of love with boxing and that's when.

my career went down the tubes quick because the  pressure got to me everything got to me and i no. longer wanted to train as hard i no longer wanted  to fight i uh i wanted to just drink and party and. and be with women and do drugs well we'll get  to that yeah yeah all right we'll get to that. all right but what age were you when you became  when you started fighting on the pro circuit.

turned pro at 20 going on 21 and then you were  a pro for how long foo 15 years 15 years yeah. all the way to 35 yeah that's when i  and that's when i started going downhill. because i was a very explosive fighter and i  was a big guy so being i had a mike tyson style. at a 6'5 frame it was weird it didn't make  any sense i should have been sitting back on. my jab and throwing the right hand and boxing  better but i didn't do that i was very very.

explosive i used my whole body to punch and  you only last so long with that kind of style. you know because um especially being a big guy i  would have had a longer career if i would have sat. back on my jab and throw my right hand more and  and and move pivoted you know box beautifully i. didn't do that i was explosive and that's the  way i wanted to fight because i had a lot of. inner demons that i wanted to get out into the  ring and that's why i had that style and it only. lasts so long you know it's it's a style that you  have to have quick reflexes cat-like reflexes you.

have to be explosive and once you get older when  you start getting older and that starts going. diminishing a little bit you're a step or two  slower you start getting hit a little bit more. it's only a matter of time before you get  knocked out that's what happened to me. when you talk about inner demons. a lot of the people on the show deal  with inner demons you know to include. myself i'd kind of describe it as more of  like a feeling than an actual than actual.

thoughts how would you describe it and where did  it come from my demons yeah you know i've thought. about seeing a hypnotist about this i don't know i  um i think they had to have come from childhood um. i do believe in a dark evil energy and i do  believe demons are parasitic and i do believe. if you let them they'll rob you everything  including robbie from everything including.

your soul uh if you let them so with me i have  a lot of demons and i still do to this very day. uh i just named them i mean i don't i don't i've  accepted them and said okay this is part of my. life i can live in denial and pretend like they're  not there but that's not gonna do me any good i'll. just find a way to escape drinking whatever so now  i just i acknowledge them and i i just listen to.

god i move forward to god and the first step for  me for beating my demons was to quit drinking and. that's really it gave me the tools to better  combat them not not so they don't go away. people need to understand they don't go  away it's just you have better tools to. to uh to combat them and deal with them that's  it life doesn't get easier because you're sober. it's just better tools in  order to face down their demons.

were they like specific thoughts of specific  instances or was it more like um yeah yeah i mean. i mean um. i think they all go back to  childhood at some point um. i'd like to find out more to  be honest with you i'd like to. go see a hypnotist and see what [ __  ] really happened in my life um but.

i just don't uh. i don't know why i was more so than any of my  friends that i know that was so dark or suicidal. at times like i don't know why i wanted to take my  life there were times i wanted to take my life um. i can't pinpoint it to a time or anything like  that i just it's just weird how like yeah my.

teenage years i was really [ __ ] depressed  like [ __ ] bipolar severely depressed you know. did you know how you were gonna take your  life did you have it all planned out yeah. yeah yeah i was always going  to do a gunshot to the head um. but the only thing that took me away from that  was boxing but it took something that extreme. boxing to really pull me away from even thinking  about taking my life because now i was already.

putting myself in danger i was already getting  in the ring with these men that wanted to take my. head off so i was like well you know i had there  was some kind of self-destructive mechanism in me. that i didn't understand i didn't fully understand  why i was doing the things i was doing why i was. why was i stealing cars why was i crossing  drugs why was i doing any of that why was that. what is going on with me that that i needed  to do that to fulfill something uh still done. to this day i still don't know i don't know  have you sought any treatment yeah therapists.

yeah i saw a psychiatrist i saw a psychiatrist  for a long time that was talking to me and um. he became a good friend and uh he would  walk me onto the ring believe it or not. no [ __ ] yeah he started seeing him a long  time ago yeah i saw i started seeing him at 13. wow i gotta say he'd probably save my life you  know still came with a combination with boxing. uh i haven't talked to him in the last two years  uh i think we have some differences with the whole.

vaccination thing and he's a doctor so he sees  it completely different than i do and it's weird. it's like we haven't talked just because of that  that issue that dividing issue that sucks man yeah. that sucks it's really strange um have you  ever looked into like some of the psychedelic. treatment types i did it all  did you do it you've done. shrooms i've done it all have you done it like  through a uh a shaman i don't know you did do.

it with a shaman yeah did that help you yeah  it let me know there's a lot more out there. that i do not know where was that i've done it in  different places the first time i did ayahuasca. uh i was in trudeau consequences new mexico the  strangest place to do that and uh i did that with. a shaman but it was a group of us and we all drank  it and and sure [ __ ] man i just like after about.

after an hour of drinking that stuff i really  didn't feel anything i thought about this stuff. it's not working and then all of a sudden i had  to puke and i went and puked and when i came back. the whole universe opened up for me what do  you mean by that i just started going down this. wormhole like it just like i got thrown it i got  thrust into a different reality and i saw entities. the best way i can explain it i saw entities i saw  a sacred geometry just being thrown at me i saw.

the markaba i saw the the the shaman when he was  meditating i saw orange coming out of his forehead. like a bright color orange coming out of his  forehead i saw things that it's like a veil. was lifted and when i saw that i was like okay  there's way more to this matrix than i even know. and that's when i was like wow like  you know and the entities that i saw. were entities that didn't make they made total  sense when i was looking at them but i can't. describe them to you there was colors that i saw  that i can't i can't even describe the colors i'm.

really interested in this because i'm getting  ready to do this treatment i you know i don't. know if it cures anything but i know what it  does what it does it did do for me was it um. made me realize there's a hell of a lot  more to this reality than we even know. yeah it's almost like taking apart a watch and  looking at the inner workings of the watch and. saying oh that's how it works it's almost  like you kind of see this this you get this.

you see the cosmic math of the universe  and that's what blew my mind was that. uh whatever this is the pineal gland  opening up whatever the third eye. there's something to it it happened  and i know it wasn't me uh uh um. uh having delusions or or or  anything it was it was real. i saw it i didn't see with my eyes i saw it  with my third eye your third eye is a real thing.

and it saw everything coming at me it was amazing  how many times have you done this three times same. place every time and the other times it was in  colorado no [ __ ] there's a shaman up there yeah. i'll give you his information if you want it yeah  i would love to have it yeah he's a good dude with. that you smoke it it's called gerena jerema and  you smoke it and then you lay back and he puts a. cloth over your eyes and you lay down and you just  get blasted through the universe man same type. of uh the ayahuasca lasts longer and you get sick  because you purging and then you go into your but.

this is is a quick little 10 minute rocket ship  boom lasts about 10 minutes and then you're back. do you have a preference what i like to  smoking it yeah i don't like to get sick. and do all that you know what i mean yeah do  you do you feel like that helped you at all or. a lot of guys say i think the only thing  that helps the only thing that helps me now. honestly sean is my belief in god yeah that's  it i mean you can do all the drugs you want you.

could do whatever but the the bottom line  is is do you have a relationship with god. and i do as much as i can get back i could work  on that but uh my whole thing now is uh i have. no desire to go to dmt again i have no desire  to do any of that any of the [ __ ] i used to. do i have no desire because now i'm building  on my relationship with god and that's it. that's what's the that's what's  real that's the silver lining. you know and that's what i'm doing that's what  i'm trying to do is uh a wise old man once told.

me this he said seek listen obey seek listen and  then obey and that's what i'm trying to do now is. seek god listen and then obey that that's just the  way i'm trying to live my life now i don't want to. all the crazy [ __ ] aside that's done  it's done now i'm just trying to build. a personal relationship with with god and  jesus christ you know that's it good for you. back to boxing went down our own little  rabbit hole yeah yeah yeah but um.

so you excelled you became a phenomenal boxer  in a went from five to what 35 years old. ish yeah the last five years for me was was hell  i hated it i was actually looking for a way out. and uh i think my higher self or whatever  you want to call it found a way out and i.

told you in 2011 i overdosed on drugs flatlined  they brought me back with a defibrillator what. drugs everything everything i okay let's put it  this way i just knocked out uh mike uh matt hicks. and my friends in dallas were throwing  me a party at one of the clubs out there. right after the fight i'm i went into my dressing  room i had a six-pack in my locker after the fight.

i started downing all the beers then  i went to the bars that night got. shit-based hammer taking tequila shots  whatever the next day i had to fly out. wake up with a hangover fly out to dallas  for the party already drinking in the morning. get to the airport they almost didn't let  me board the plane because i'm so drunk. get on the plane they wouldn't serve me  because they're like they've already been. drinking i'd reap from high heaven like a liquor  cabinet get to dallas my friends picking me up.

what do they pick me up with more alcohol and  adderall so now i'm taking adderall and alcohol. well i also had pain pills in my pocket from  the fight because my i think i broke my hand. or something my my hand was fractured so like man  it's swelling up on me so i took a handful of pain. pills a handful of pain pills and took those  then i went with them and took an adderall and. and drank kept just kept drinking gray goose  gray goose and grape juice that's what it was.

went to the party that night wasted already could  stumbling into the club and i can't believe they. let me in they shouldn't have they let me in  the club and we have our own little section. we get in there and uh i hardly remember  anything that night i just remember somebody. coming up to me with a flask and then he's and  i remember him specifically saying he was a bald. bodybuilder guy he's like just take a cap full  of this it was ghb well i didn't know what he. was saying and i just said yeah whatever i  grabbed the whole flashlight drinking hole.

and once i drank that it was over what does ghb  it's like the date rape drug it's like uh it's. it's powerful stuff man and i took that and i  drank the whole flask and i went back to the. vip section and i remember his face just looking  at me like you couldn't believe what i just did. and i went back to the vip section and i sat there  and the next thing you know every now from that. point on was eyewitness accounts that were like  you know third party second party people that. were telling me what happened to me because  i i was unconscious i dropped out of the club.

uh and this lady this girl her her name is  michelle that it was a uh had a nursing degree or. something started telling my friends your friend's  dying your friend is dying look at him he's dying. i was purple my neck was turning purple and i  was gasping for us having cardiac arrest yeah. well she's trying to tell everybody and my  friend's friends walked over me and said i. just put him on the couch she'll wake up to and  then she even said a doctor came up to me he was.

a chiropractor the doctor came up and said i'll  just he'll sleep it off she goes he's turning blue. he's turning blue he's dying she wouldn't got the  bouncers bouncers came in and said [ __ ] we can't. this is all what they told me they said oh  we can't have this guy dying in the club. they picked me up like six of them when i don't  have any recollection of this remember i was. unconscious picked me up walked me out of the  back door of the club and threw me in the alley. oh [ __ ] yeah and she saw that when told my  friend she goes if he dies i'm blaming you guys.

so a few of my friends came with her from what  i was told came with their van or a truck or. something put me in there they thought they  already lost me because i wasn't really breathing. pull into the hospital they pull me i guess they  called the hospital i don't know how this worked. but they pulled me out of the truck and laid  me on the cement the hospital workers came. running out and started giving me cpr and then  put me in a gurney and took me in and that's. and that those are hours of my life i don't have  accounted for and then i just remember waking up.

with this bright light in front of me and doctors  standing over me and a blue light going off in. the background i do remember and i hear them  saying we got him we got him we got him got him. and then i'm just looking around i'm disoriented  not really understanding what's going on i thought. i got knocked out i thought that i lost my fight  because it was just days after the fight so i'm. like oh [ __ ] and that's all i cared about i was  like don't tell me i lost i got knocked out i got. knocked out they're like no no no no what are you  talking about you gotta tell you you overdosed. this and that then i remember i had to vomit in  a trash can or something and then um the doctor.

comes in and looks at me and goes what's your name  i go david he goes where are you i'm in dallas he. was right he goes okay and then i go what happened  he goes we we we lost you because we we you were. almost gone kid and i go [ __ ] man why didn't you  let me go yeah and then that's when he said what. i go [ __ ] why didn't you let me go that's  when i knew i really had a [ __ ] problem. because then he says okay and he called in suicide  watch so now i have i don't know who these people.

were the lady a nice lady a nice black lady  reading the bible and every now she would read a. verse out loud to me and i'd be like shut up shut  up like i was like demon possessed or something. you know and she's like she's like she's are  you gonna hear this and she keep reading more. verses to me i'm like [ __ ] i couldn't get  rid of her and she was there you know they.

had they'd have shifts because i was honest they  thought i tried to kill myself which maybe i did. maybe i did because i was looking for a way out  of boxing yeah so that was the first time in 2011. then i go back and i win the heavyweight  championship of mexico against the one back. at knockout owen beck then i knock out byron  paulie for the nabu heavyweight championship. so i won two belts coming back after that that  that debacle whatever happened to me in february.

when when two more fights second fight  i go partying in scottsdale phoenix. getting hammered again drinking molly taking  molly drinking beer drinking alcohol walk out of. a club and get my next little bin with a knife  all that holy [ __ ] and that's the same year. so when you ask me you know i was looking for  a way out you know and um when that happened.

that's when when i was in the  hospital i took 369 stitches. in seven of a cosmetic surgeon  was on call that i just. happened to be on call that night stitched me  up really meticulously did a great job and uh. that's what i knew man i'm gonna die there's  no way i can keep going at this speed do you. know who cut your face no they never were caught  um do you know why they cut you oh there was an.

altercation and i'm not saying that i wasn't at  fault or they were at fault i don't know i was. so hammered i was so drunk i could hardly remember  anything um if there was confrontation i probably. i probably would have knifed me too man i'm a  big dude i'm you know what i mean i'm a fighter. i you know i can't say you know i don't blame  them i blame me the lifestyle you have yeah i was. living in a crazy life i'm not a victim this was  all self-induced this was all this was my doing to.

what i did in my life i take blame so whether  they get caught or not it doesn't matter to. me because it was my fault i shouldn't have been  there i shouldn't have been doing what i was doing. so that's how i handled it and that's that's  exactly why how i'm getting over because. uh it does no good to live in the past in  that way or blame this person or blame that. i was drinking i was under the influence [  __ ] happens bottom line i wish more people.

in this country had that mindset  but that's a whole other [ __ ] show. yeah that's that's a topic for your  show yeah yeah leave that one to me. holy [ __ ] man where were you when you  got cut phoenix phoenix or still yeah.

how long were you in the hospital after that  you know surprisingly i was it was only like a. day and a half two days and i checked myself  out and you're not gonna believe what i did. it was uh right after christmas and i had new  year's plans to party in la my friends came in. with a six-pack and some playboys and they're like  oh man they're gonna be in the hospital for or i. guess our trip's done we're not going to be able  to go to la i go [ __ ] this i took off everything.

walked out of the hospital with gauze and blood  on my face and we went out and partied in l.a. with 369 of my face 369 stitches in my face  swollen up like a pumpkin i went out to la. and i partied in l.a with bloody gauze on my  face all the way my half my face gauzed up and. i still had to party damn dude you're telling me i  didn't have a problem that's a [ __ ] problem yeah. and all i cared about at that time was  getting back in the ring that's it i was.

like i asked the doctor when can i get back  in the ring when can i get back in the ring. it was like it was a problem man and um  i don't think he was aren't you gonna see. a uh psychologist or psychiatrist try to get  things worked out whatever's going on with you. no no no no no no and at that time i had a  bad breakup with my team that got me there. that got me to 36 you know 37-0 and i was  going through a lawsuit they were suing me.

and there was all kinds of [ __ ] happening and i  was just i wanted to kill myself man like i just. did not want to live anymore everything was just  falling apart everything this was pretty much the. end of your boxing career right here this was  at the tail end of it let's take a quick break. okay when we come back we'll we'll get into  the end of your boxing career yeah absolutely.

so we're approaching the end of your boxing career. just got stabbed in the neck or in the face  nick and um which kind of led to the end of. your boxing career so let's just continue going  down the same path here all right so the only. thing that was important for me at that time  was when can i get back in the ring the wbc.

gave me a medical leave where they kept my  top 15 rating but i had but there's only a. certain amount of time they'll keep it right  so i had to get back in the ring and fight so. i took some time off i don't know how  many how many months i took off i think. it's somewhere four to six months uh just  partied just drink drink myself into a slumber. more drinking more drinking you know uh  just a horrible existence man not knowing.

if i really wanted a box again but i knew  i had to because i'm already in the top 15. you know so it's like i can't let that go i'm  already there they put me on medical leave. do you think you were just boxing at  that point just to keep an image yeah. absolutely you didn't even give a [ __ ] about  [ __ ] gear anymore dude it was just all no i. in fact it's almost like i grew out of it i was  like man i don't have the fire used to have to. really put guys to sleep you know i mean that  that ambition to train anymore run those miles.

uh my back was starting to hurt my  knees were hurting already at that age. and i was just kind of tired man i was really [  __ ] tired and um but i knew i had to i had to. attain my goal of being heavyweight champion of  the world and i knew i had the tools everyone. knew i had the tools i was the hardest hitter  in the [ __ ] sport there was nobody that hit. like me or as fast as i was in every division and  i knew that everyone knew it that sparred with me. or trained with me or whatever so i had to get to  that goal i had to be champion of the world or i.

that alone not accomplishing that would have been  devastating and probably would have killed myself. because that's all i knew was that's all i was set  out to do my entire life so not long after taking. about four or five six months off i think it was  about there i went move to first big mistake or. many mistakes of many uh i moved to hollywood  and i started living in l.a and i had a investor. named joan dangerfield who started bought you  know was paying for me and giving me money and.

supporting me out in la and then i told her hey  joan um i already broke up with my last team. i'm i'm not gonna i want to go back into boxing  and go win the heavyweight championship of the. world she's like she goes we could do other things  you know i don't think your heart's in boxing. anymore i was like no no no she goes let's try to  do let's try to do something else you know like. acting or something like that i was like ah i was  like let me box i want to go back i can do this.

um so i signed with main events remember now  my old team's gone and that longing for my. old team was eating me eating me alive  because that's who that's what i wanted. if i was gonna go for the heavyweight champions  of the world i wanted to be with my old team. that was all our dreams that was all all our dream. so not having them in my corner anymore [ __ ]  my head up bad so i signed with this new this. new company moved to las vegas moved from l.a to  las vegas and all i was still doing was partying.

two months notice without even being in the  gym much i take a fight in atlantic city uh. in atlantic city and when i signed for the fight  i was supposed to be fighting a guy that was six. eight six nine so i was sparring guys that height  and dropping them so i still had what it takes i. was still dropping people in the gym people were  coming in to look at me mike tyson came in to look. at me watching me train for a bit he was like  wow man and things were going really good um.

fly to atlantic city get ready to  fight they replaced my opponent. and they asked me do you still want  to fight and i was like wait a second. what happened oh he pulled out we got to a  different fighter but this guy was five nine. five nine compared to the guy i was  preparing for which was six eight. so now i'm fighting a guy that's  five nine five ten darnell wilson. and i looked at his record and i go  oh [ __ ] i'll knock this bum out. this guy's got no shot there's no chance but  even one of my trainers i think his name was.

rafael garcia was like listen we haven't trained  for this guy let's take some time let's uh let's. uh you know let's get you some sparring against a  guy like this he's he's a tough guy he's tough he. comes to fight and i was like uh how many rounds  is it oh six [ __ ] i'm just gonna go for it i can. go six rounds if it goes the distance it goes the  distance sign the fight go so i'm in atlantic city. and getting ready and now i know i'm fighting  darnell wilson this was just days before um.

and get to atlantic city i  remember it's a real cloudy day. energy didn't feel right everything felt off i  was like i started getting a real bad feeling. in my gut like this something's not adding  up here nothing something doesn't feel right. so i don't sleep i never  slept before fights by the way. two or three days out i'm i'm a [  __ ] bundle of nerves i don't sleep. i always walk into the ring seeing tracers and  [ __ ] like i was always just sleep deprived.

get to atlantic city oh i mean let's  say get to the fight get to the arena. it's on uh nbc wide world of sports so i'm like  okay i've been out for a long time everyone's. here to see what i can do again you know people  i'm the talk of the boxing community hey you guys. he's coming back i get into the get into the  ring they announced darnell they announced me. boom bell one first bell rings bam we're going  at it dude it's like [ __ ] a street fight. that guy almost took my [ __ ] head off the first  round he broke my socket bone in eight places.

my orbital bone in eight places broke  my cheekbone and i believe he broke my. jaw i wasn't i didn't know about that but i  almost got knocked out the first round so i stayed. i remember i knew right then and there [ __ ] i'm  in a fight this is a fight so we're going we're. brawling i didn't even i didn't even jab nothing  i was just it was from go from bell run bell one. to the end of the fight it was an all-out slug  fest so we're just throwing blows bam boom boom.

boom boom boom and the [ __ ] crowds going a  little bit of crowd that was there was going. was going crazy it was kind of an empty arena it  was kind of weird and uh but it was on tv and um. i just remember i'm barely inching out the fight  barely inching it out i'm bleeding i have a cut. i can't see out of the side my eye for  my eye dropped down and was looking down. so this i was looking at the floor while this i  was looking straight this side lost all muscle. capabilities and just started look it just  fell to the floor it was just looking down.

so i knew i was badly hurt i didn't know if i was  ever going to see again fighting this guy and i'm. barely winning this fight and then the 10 second  sound of the last round where they go that's like. the 10 second like you got 10 seconds left all  of a sudden caught me i got dropped knocked the. [ __ ] out with 10 seconds left yeah fine i would  have won the fight all the judges had me ahead. next you know i'm waking up on the canvas  and i just remember the ref standing over me. waving me off and that was like  all the [ __ ] demons that i had.

surfaced right then and there  and were standing around me. and it was like i rather have died sean i'd  rather have [ __ ] died with the knife i'd rather. have overdosed that night that year before  that same year i'd rather have [ __ ] died. than deal with getting knocked out and when that  happened i knew my dreams were over i knew it was. all over went back to my dressing room and for  like months after that fight i couldn't think.

right i was i was like i was under water i was  knocked unconscious right i've never been knocked. down i've never been knocked out of my boxing  career and then all of a sudden it happened well. that was that was like a hard pill to swallow  because i was 36 and 0. now i'm 36 and one and. i have suffered a devastating knockout  i didn't know how i was going to pull. myself out of that i only knew i was boxing  standards i was old 35 years old i was old.

but i still felt like i'm still going to be. heavyweight champion i want to  come back i'm going to do this. so i left main events i blamed it on them i was  like god [ __ ] man events [ __ ] that promotional. company they set me up i blame them this time  this time i'm blaming other people for my loss. and um i take a fight with uh. uh who was it um oching from africa another  another bum that i considered a bum fighter.

sign them we've i was indeed in my hometown of  el paso how how long after your first loss wow. are you fighting against about seven months later  eight months later i think it was were you trying. hard did that humble you enough too no i still  had the dream i still felt i should have been. heavyweight champion but i'm not even training  i'm like getting really sloppy partying running. here and there hitting the bags but nothing three  weeks four weeks before the fight trained hard.

you know started training pretty hard not real  hard not like what i used to be in my 20s yeah. so. that five comes around bill rings he knocks  me out like first [ __ ] few punches he throws. no [ __ ] i've dropped to the canvas and the [  __ ] ref they i just see a towel get thrown in. and i'm like oh [ __ ] it's over my career is over. this is done the guy i used to be is no longer  i don't know what the [ __ ] happened to me i.

don't know where i went wrong but my life is now  in shambles like this is it this is [ __ ] over. and uh you've realized that like. instantaneously um and then at that  point my back was starting to really hurt. it was starting to really hurt i wasn't able to  train but that fight didn't even stop me from.

so then i signed up for another fight because i'm  now on behind eight ball i gotta win i gotta win. i signed a fight a guy named uh uh dominguez  and uh he had a good record 25 and three. or something like that and at that point i  didn't even know if i was gonna win i was like. 36 and two i think i can knock this  guy out i'm gonna go in there and i got. laser focus for that fight i put away drinking for  like a month just a month trained hard bell rings.

this is in salt lake city went out there boom  knocked the guy out fast guys out like first 30. seconds i knocked him out i was so [ __ ] ready  you know as i'm running to the neutral corner. and they're starting to count i have a sharp pain  go all the way down my back into my ass into my. hamstrings all the way down on my toes and then  all of a sudden my legs go down and right then. i knew whatever i did i just and that was the  ending of my career i knew right then my back's.

done this is it i need surgery this is not and i  remember he's counting and everyone's like weren't. you happy that you won i was dying of pain they  lifted my hand up and i was like ah i walked down. the stairs walked into the dressing room pulled my  shorts off i laid on the floor and i was screaming. my i threw out my back throughout my back uh l4  l5 s1 needed an emergency surgery got the fusion.

it was never the same after that that  was it that's what ended my career. but i look at it now as a blessing because if  i would have kept boxing who knows what would. happen to me yeah punch drunk idiot walking  around not knowing my left from my right. mumbling stumbling motor  skills off getting knocked out. it was over the boxing crib was over at  least i went out on a win but it was over.

and then following that came years of depression  years of severe depression not knowing where my. life was going to go and i mean i hit rock  bottom to the point that i didn't know rock. bottom had a basement and i was there what  age were you 36 about 36 yeah and it was um.

i the best way i could explain  it man is i was like uh. left out in the middle of the sea in the middle  of the night with no compass and no paddles. yeah i didn't know where my life was gonna go i  had no direction i had no all i knew was to drink. so i accepted that i was a loser that  i that i was never gonna bounce back. and i expect i accepted my demise and i was  like well if i'm gonna die i'm gonna go die.

i'm gonna die in my terms i'm gonna do as much  drugs as i want and as much alcohol as i want. and it was like a sorry pity feeling like  i i ruined my destiny my destiny was to be. heavily time in the world and i blew it i [  __ ] blew it now i'm gonna go out with a bang. [ __ ] it i'm gonna [ __ ] as many girls as i  want i'm gonna do as many drugs as i wanna do. i'm gonna drink as much as i want and  that's it i'm going out with a bang.

and that's what i did for. five years after that about five years of just. in getting another dui getting thrown in jail  like i became that guy that i dreaded to become. i became him i was a guy at the bar  washed up talking about what i used to do. and um getting two dui's public intoxication i  just started getting arrested all the time he was.

always getting right like the cops saw yeah let's  arrest him you know what i mean it felt like that. not understanding that in order  to fix everything outside of me. i had to fix inside of me i didn't understand  that i thought it was everybody else. oh it's only [ __ ] up because i'm hanging  out with this guy or i'm doing that or. i shouldn't drink that last shot not  understanding that it's completely all my fault.

and i needed to take responsibility  for it and that's when i got sober. if it's over two years and two months now two  years and two months coming up in two months two. years and two months and my life is nothing short  of a miracle what was the final what was the final. straw that you were like all right [ __ ] it i'm  done getting kicked out of my niece's house for.

thanksgiving because i was the drunk uncle  oh damn i showed up to her house they first. of all they had to go pull me out of a bar i  forgot about thanksgiving and this was in 2019. they take me to her her husband my brother-in-law  comes picks me finds me in the bar says come. on man let's go to thanksgiving come on  and i'm like i'm not going uh you know. typical drunk [ __ ] this is what i knew i was one  of the times i knew this is a really bad problem. takes me to the house my niece sees me and says  no he's not coming in here not like that so now.

i just they take me to the house want me there i  walk up to the front door she goes i'm not letting. him man i'm not letting the kids see him like  this your niece how old is your niece my niece is. she's 40 now i was four years old when i  was an uncle my sister had her very young. and she has kids of her own and she saw me  she was no i'm not i'm not letting him in. and that's when i was like oh i remember i felt  this like horrible feeling and i felt like sick.

i go [ __ ] all of you i'm out of here and i  walked my ass five miles all the way back to. the bar and i continued the drinking and  continued it all the way through december. but during this time sean during this whole time  i'm feeling this nudge like someone poking me. and i believe it was god stop stop stop i  have something better for you stop stop i. have something better for you i will give you  the world if you just stop i kept hearing that.

and i'm like [ __ ] i need to stop drinking but  i don't want to stop drinking this is it for me. i i don't want to stop i don't know anything else  it's scary i didn't know what i was going to do. one day i'm in the bar um day after christmas  [ __ ] up on christmas as well by the way. and i'm there with friends at this bar the  christmas after that thanksgiving yeah okay and.

i'm with my friends at the bar and i'm looking  around and i'm like these guys aren't going. anywhere and i'm judging them i'm judging them and  i look in the mirror behind the bar and i see me. almost getting a double chin you know looking  fat like [ __ ] out of shape and i go [ __ ] i. am them i am that guy what do you  mean you're not gonna be that guy. i am that guy i'm the [ __ ] washed up boxer  drunk at the bar and so i told myself right.

then and there i go god you take the wheel  if i leave right now i'm giving it to you. if i leave right now and i put this beer on the  bar i'm giving it to you please take control of. my life because i can't do this on my own anymore  and i put the beer down and i said okay guys i'm. out of here bye well i think i said i'm going  to the bathroom i go i'm going to the bathroom. and they all say okay yeah whatever because i know  if i said i was leaving they'd be like oh you're. not going anywhere come here you know i said i'm  going to bathroom i'll be right back they go okay.

walked out the door i've never been  back and i um it changed my life dude. changed my life shortly after that okay  three months into being sober my dad gets. put in the hospital he needs a heart valve  transplant he's 80 at that time he was 85. my whole world was crumbling and i could have  i could have went back to drinking at that time. i stayed strong i prayed the rosary dude i i  literally paid the rosary every day i was so.

[ __ ] scared i was gonna lose my dad i didn't go  to the bar i didn't go drink which i could have. but i didn't i just stayed with i stayed focused  and in faith with god that i said i'd give it to. you god but i was being tested like i've never  been tested before because then covet hits now i. can't go visit my dad in the hospital and he's  been laid up in bed in a hospital for weeks. where they're just deciding is he gonna have  the surgery or is he is he a candidate for this.

surgery or is he not a candidate for the surgery  we didn't know i didn't know if i was gonna lose. my i didn't know if they're gonna tell me that  sorry you're too old we can't risk it we're not. going to lose you during surgery and he wasn't  going to get the surgery just be left to die. or if he was going to get the surgery  and potentially down on the operating bed. i thought i was going to lose my dad  i believed i was going to lose my dad. and um couldn't go see him i had to drop food  off at the front of the hospital because of covid.

and they said oh we can't let  anybody up covet this and that. all the while i knew what this was all  about in the first place politically. i knew what it was about what they were trying  to do with the election and i knew already. and um he. uh i stayed in my guns i did  not drink he got the surgery. and he made it through dude and i was like thank  you god thank you god now i know i'm never gonna.

drink you know what i mean and i just stayed  stronger and then it just made me stronger and um. if i would have folded i think it would have been  there you know there's more there's more battles. ahead of me i know that you know my parents  are getting older i know anything can happen. but i'm just saying like i i won that little  battle and there's a little victory and then. i said i'm gonna stay with this well three months  turned into six months six months turn into a year.

then the viral video hits next thing  you know i'm blowing up on social media. and i'm wondering what the hell is happening to  my life it's all happening fast then a year turns. into two years and my life now is completely [  __ ] different than ever i could have imagined. ever could have imagined ever could have  imagined that's how i know god's real man.

because like i said seek listen obey  that's what i started applying to my life. and the alcohol clouded my judgment  it clouded my what i like to call my. my instincts or my intuition my soul. that i wasn't getting a clean connection to  god now i feel i'm getting a clean connection. so i'm staying sober and i'm gonna do my best  to never fall back in that [ __ ] again and.

that's where i'm at right now man i'm on your  show telling you that yeah we're doing a hell. of a job that's for damn sure yeah um how many  years was it from your last fight to sobriety. seven seven years seven years so you  went through 35 36 or 738 to 9 40 41 42. i went sober when i was 42 years old damn how many  uh i mean what the hell were you doing for money.

um taking it from my parents living off the little  bit i had from my mom from my boxing career um. uh managing properties because we  have real estate in my my my family. managing some properties here and there not really  [ __ ] dude i mean look man to be honest with you. i was on my way out bro i didn't care yeah i was  on my way out and anybody who's watching this.

yes i knew rockford i hit rock  bottom and it does have a basement. and i will tell you this you always can turn  around your life you always can no matter how. bad it seems if you're addicted to [ __ ] smack  whatever it is you can turn your life around. i don't give a [ __ ] what you're going  through yeah but for me i had to go to god dude. and that's what i did i couldn't do it myself you  know you can't you know i tried to do it myself.

i was stubborn and every time i tried to  do it myself i i fell apart or i failed um. so. so you got sober and then things just started  they just started happening blossoming. you breathe i mean because well i first  remember my dad was in the hospital it was bad. yeah it was like a test are you sure you  want to be sober you think you can be sober.

let's throw this at him let's throw that at him  let's throw this at him i'm not everyone's story. is different i'm just saying for me there  was massive obstacles when i first got sober. i thought i was gonna lose my dad and that should  have been the reason for me to go to back drinking. yeah but i didn't i stayed with my guns i had  faith i let faith guide me that's all i did. i just said man i can't do this myself i have to  give this to god i have to because i'm not strong.

enough and you know i tell my friends that i  don't i lost a lot of my friends when i went sober. and there's a few of them i don't talk to anymore  and they wonder why well it's because they're. still drinking and it's not that i don't want to  help them i just don't feel strong enough that i. can help them to lift them up does that make sense  i need to just keep myself at peace take care of. me because i don't feel strong enough to go down  into their element and pull them out of that. so it's not that i feel like i'm better than  anybody has nothing to do that with that it just.

has to do with the fact that i don't feel like  i'm strong enough to put myself in that situation. you're just taking care of you that's all i  can do wrong with that that's all i can do. now you know and i don't have the expectation  of boxing on me anymore that feels amazing. um the anxiety of boxing having to fight i  don't have that on me anymore i don't have. um it's a much simpler life it's a lot more  rewarding but um like we were talking earlier.

i'm so used to the ups and downs and ups and  downs of addiction and adrenaline and stimulation. that this life now this even kill it's pretty  hard it's a tough it's a tough life it's it's not. this is not this is not for the the weak  because i'm used to it bing bing bing bing. bing yo yo life now this even kill is like i  got i got like transported to another planet.

and i'm living along among aliens i don't  know how to i'm still learning how to cope. yeah i'll be honest with you it's  it's hard it has its own obstacles. yeah i can definitely relate to that  you know i don't think it ever ends. you know i think it's a constant battle for for i  mean you get those adrenaline dumps and yeah the. [ __ ] that you've seen you know the [ __ ] that  you've been through it's just always it's gonna.

be from everybody i know and you know and uh this  is kind of par for the course with my prior career. you know just it's just something you always are  going to have to keep tabs on and keep on top of. or will spiral out of control you know  for me um all i got to think about is. sitting i don't death doesn't scare me i'm  on bonus time right now death doesn't scare. me it's sitting in a [ __ ] jail cell rotting  away for the rest of my life that scares me yeah.

and you know you don't know if you're  just gonna have one too many drinks. it doesn't have to be one too many it could be  just two two drinks if you blow up 0.08 you drive. and you kill somebody i don't know anything can  happen i just didn't want to put myself in that. anywhere near that possibility ever again so  i just that's it how long did it take for you. to kind of reinvent yourself you know to to where  because that's tough i mean you were boxing from.

i'm still years old yeah  i'm still doing it you know. dude i i am still figuring it out i don't have  the answer every day is a new battle and every day. if you don't think that every day i think man i  want to go to that bar and just [ __ ] have one. shot one shot just one god that feels so good oh  an old-fashioned i used to love old-fashioned i'd. love to go have an old-fashioned i smell whiskey i  think of the smell whiskey like down it'd be nice.

right now yeah because it's stressful right now  like right now society everything that's happening. right now in america it's stressful yeah  and i want to go i'd rather just go drink. listen to some good music and let it  all go but now i feel like i have this. responsibility with my podcast and what i'm doing  for people that send me gifts in the mail and. the po box and stuff like that i now feel like i  cannot let them down like now i have to now i have.

more of a responsibility to deliver my podcast to  people that want to know what the [ __ ] going on. and that's what i'm doing and it's  giving me a reason so these people. that i talk to every day in my podcast they're  doing more for me than i'm doing for them. because they're keeping me going yeah and it's  honestly the truth because if i didn't have them.

and i didn't have all this stuff going on  for me i could be back drinking no doubt yeah. because what would i have this is the  only thing that i got going for me.

all right we're back from  the break kind of covered. you getting sober and how things  started turning around in your life. but when we when me and you connected it was  because you saw that social anxiety video which. we both deal with some social anxiety  issues so when did you start noticing that.

really after my boxing career um i walked around  on high alert during my boxing career so i was. always in that tent that a high alert status you  know my instincts were up i was always in fight. mode right well when i had no when boxing was  over with it was like i got struck by lightning. in my bones and it stayed that way even after  my career so now i'm going to parties walking. around and i'm noticing that i got like severe  i don't know if it's i guess it would be ptsd. uh severe anxiety severe like i have something's  gonna happen any moment uh like like always on.

the lookout especially after i got stabbed and  my neck slid open i was now i was really at a. heightened state so every time i went out anywhere  around i was always looking at my surroundings i. was always like i was freaked out like shell  shock and um i'm still that way you know i'm. just learning how to control it better so when i  saw your video that's why i reached out because. i you know i was like it feels very lonely it  feels very lonely because you see anybody else and.

they can you know kick back have a glass of  wine feel relaxed i started realizing that. was the reason i would throw drinks down so fast  was to get rid of that feeling that i had of like. ooh that anxiety that ugh like that that  uh nervous tension that the lightning i. call it lightning in the bones i feel like  my bones had lightning in them like it like. and drinking was the only thing at that  during those years that would take that away. no matter what setting i was in the more people  the worse yeah like if i went to a setting like.

i i always had to be with my back against the wall  um i didn't like to you know i i knew it was a big. target anyway because being a bigger dude and  and like you kind of stand out a little bit and. people are always looking at you i got paranoid i  started getting paranoid you know and i and i just. uh i the only way i could handle that anxiety was  drinking you know how do you handle it now i uh.

man um i i immerse myself in my podcast i um  i um i'm constantly researching all day long. uh i i pray i just stay away from those  uh situations or um atmospheres where. you go to a party or something like that i i've  tried it i've tried to go a few times to test. myself and it doesn't feel good there's no reason  to be there i just leave i'm there for about an.

hour and i'm like they just people start getting  toasty they start drinking more and i'm the only. one that's not drinking i just feel out of place  and then you make other people feel awkward. you know i noticed that since i don't drink they  feel like they have to they feel compelled to tell. me why they drink or they feel compelled to tell  me what's wrong with you why didn't why don't you. drink what kind of problem do you have because if  i had the problem that listen we all have problems. you know i mean but at least i've addressed mine  and i'm doing things to fix my life so you know.

i'd just rather not deal with it so i walked  away from it now do you think all of it was. ptsd and and that or do you think some of it  was when he left boxing it was your identity. was stripped from it [ __ ] everything dude  yeah like i was a baby in the world again. like i didn't know who the [ __ ] i was like  this was the it was like i worked my whole life. as a five-year-old to be a champion boxer  take that away from me who the [ __ ] am i.

yeah i didn't know i don't know i'm learning still  you know i'm learning right now did you have a. did you have a question like here's an example  so i struggled with it a lot i still do. and uh at the beginning i did i never had it until  i left the seal teams or until i left cia excuse. me and um when i left it was same thing like  i felt like my identity was stripped plus ptsd.

plus tv i put whatever it doesn't [ __ ] matter  right but i [ __ ] hated it when people would ask. me what my hobbies were that was like the one not  the one but the one that the question that i just. [ __ ] dreaded because i didn't have any neither  do i it was i go to war yeah and then i come back. and i do a bunch of drugs and i party and and  nobody can [ __ ] relate to that nobody knows.

and uh so they'd ask you know what your hobby is i  don't [ __ ] have any you know and i'll be honest. with you i don't have them either i um if i have  to take a good hard look at myself it's like i. neglected everything in my life for that one thing  which was boxing so that's what i trained myself. to do and other than that it was drinking fighting  drinking fighting drinking so take those both away. from me i'm literally learning life all over  again yeah and i'm not asking for anyone to like.

have sympathy or empathy for me or  anything like that it's just it's. just what it is man i'm like i said i don't  play victim or nothing like that it's just. i'm taking the reigns now trying to control  my life this new normal that i'm living. is so foreign to me so alien to me that i  feel like a baby just learning to crawl and. walk again because this is really what it feels  like my whole identity was boxing partying and.

drinking i mean that's just what i did and i was  good at it right i mean that's what i was good. at that's what i knew take that away from me  i'm having to relearn life all over again yeah. has it gotten any better for you uh man  yeah it's better i have a peace of mind. i have a calmness in my soul to know that  i'm winning this battle one day at a time. but um the fun that you know i romanticized  my past life that's always gonna be there man.

i don't know if that's ever gonna go away because  i always think about how good it was and getting. older especially for an athlete when you know your  best days are behind you that's a [ __ ] because. i don't know look at someone like michael jordan  dude you see that [ __ ] crying all the time it's. like it's [ __ ] hard it's not easy this is not  a [ __ ] easy thing to do walk away from being. treated like a god uh worshiped in the arena  signing autographs for everybody clamored to.

to nothing to crickets yeah that right there was  the hardest [ __ ] for me to deal with because. i was looked up to i used to go speak at schools  um hey champ champ champ i don't hear that anymore. i get an occasional email someone says hey  champ you know what i mean but that's occasional. now it's like hey i see your  videos you're an influencer.

and i don't know if i'm insulted  or like what's going on i'm like. damn this is a lot different than what  it used to be so i don't put any like um. like i don't put any any emphasis on what i do  right now because it doesn't feel like anything. you know because what i what i had was my  identity that's what i related to like what. i had was boxing that's who i was you take that  away from me all of this now that this direction. i'm going in my life is brand new to me i don't  know where to categorize it i don't really don't.

i've told you this off on break yeah you know  it's [ __ ] crazy though right you know i mean i. don't know what you've excelled to the pinnacle  you know what i mean of of of boxing and now. you know what's i think what i find very  interesting is people that seem to find. success you know and become the best at what  the [ __ ] they're doing is when they move on.

to something else it doesn't take long and  bam they're the best at what they're doing. i mean you grew a channel you grew a channel  in one year yeah and you have how many subs two. twenty two hundred 222 000. going on 222 subs in  one year yeah i mean that [ __ ] doesn't happen. you know what i mean that's a lot of you've  got something but let's let's think about.

this there's a flip side to that flip side to that  gotta remember i've been retired for seven years. before anything started happening for me so i was  in like the darkest of dark times for seven years. i'm not really really let's see let's just say all  my 30s because really all my 30s was black yeah. because i was already you know after 30 31 32 now  let's say about 33 i was done with boxing mentally. so i was just lingering around in boxing then i  get knocked out then i deal with my demons yeah.

then i had to face my demons so really 33 to 42  yeah that's like 10 years for me that was hell. i'm not uh i didn't mean i didn't mean it wasn't  hard no no no no yeah what i meant was once you. found the next thing you accelerated and i wrote  a book you know what i mean and you wrote a book i. wrote you found your new direction yeah everything  else i mean you you weren't working towards. anything it doesn't sound like the only thing i  was working towards is a bar yeah the next bar.

i mean i just that's all i cared about now you  got to remember too what played in my mind all. the time was that my sister died of alcoholism  right so i was dealing with a dead sibling for. the last 13 years that messed me up but she died  of alcoholism it runs in my family so i knew what. path i was going to i knew where this was leading  me i knew it was going to take me okay and so um.

you know dealing with that watching my parents  have to bury their kid look me handling all the. funeral arrangements um and knowing that i'm gonna  do that again to my parents that was also a major. mind [ __ ] that i that i knew i had to get over  i had to i had to pull myself out of it at least. until my parents died until they pass on so in  my mind i was like i at least got to clean up. until my parents pass away and then i can go back  to drinking and ruining my life but i can't do it.

while they're still alive i can't dirty they can't  see another kid get buried yeah you know and that. was another reason i quit because i didn't want to  be that i didn't want them to lose kit two kids um. you know to the same thing alcohol so the  best thing i ever did in my life was quit. do you have any advice for anybody that's in it  right now gosh i mean we all have our own journeys. we're all in our own we all have our own our  own battles you know i mean i can't say anything.

unless i walk in their shoes but no matter what  they're going through look at people like me. who hit rock bottom found no way you know the  only thing i did was just look up and look to god. that is all i did and i found the  courage and strength to stop drinking. i can't believe how much of a vice drinking is not  just to me but to a lot of people because if you.

look at any domestic abuse or domestic violence or  people getting duis whatever the main contributor. people need to look at this in their own life  what's the common denominator of your trouble. and eliminate it that's really all you got to  do and once you do that your life will flourish. my life is taking off in a different direction  now are there going to be hard times again yes. there is and and i can only hope to god that i  don't fall back into that life because you know.

i don't know what i'm gonna do my dad dies  i don't know what i'm gonna do my mom does. to me they're they're everything into me if i  lose them it's gonna be like when i got knocked. out in boxing i don't know what's gonna happen am  i gonna go back to drinking i sure the [ __ ] hope. not but dude i have those question marks on my  mind just like anyone watching this has their. own question marks in their mind we all have our  own demons it's you know we all do i don't give a. you know i wouldn't trade mine for years you  wouldn't trade yours for mine you know what i.

mean like we all have a battle that we're  fighting you know and honestly i can only. hope but just take it like they say one day at  a time and that's that's what i'm really trying. to do it's the best i can do yeah it's still  a struggle man people think oh you stopped. drinking you but you know you're awesome you're  winning yeah i'm i'm winning the battles daily. but the war is still being waged and it's not easy  yeah it's not easy man i always tell myself i can. go have one glass of wine no i can't when  i start thinking like that i have friends.

come on man you can have one glass of wine  come on and i'm like well it looks like i'm. not hanging out with you anymore because  i yeah i could have last one glass of wine. but that one glass will lead to two then the four  then the ten and then i'm back where I'm at yeah. and like i said it's not that i'm. i'm not trying to help my friends i'm just not  strong enough to bring them in you know what i.

mean i just don't feel like i'm strong enough  to pull them up because i'm dealing with my own. [ __ ] i think that's healthy you know i mean  that's my personal thing you're taking care. of you and you can't help everybody all you  can do is set the example for them to follow. i get friends that contact me that are still  drinking you know and they're like you know you're. a [ __ ] [ __ ] you don't call me no more you know  this and that i'm like [ __ ] i don't want to hear. your [ __ ] problems i have my own yeah i can't  i'm not a savior for people i'm barely trying to.

save myself and they think it they think that i'm  like trying to stay away from them that i'm too. good like i fix my life and now i'm too good for  anybody that's not the case case is i'm scared to. death to go back to walk down that path again yeah  that's why i stay away from people and i just keep. to myself and i have social anxiety because  i don't want to slip back into that you know. it's it's too risky for me i've already had two  dui's dude i have one more i'm going to jail.

again do these do these uh we were talking earlier  offline about losing a lot of friends and you know. when he left boxing and when he quit drinking quit  partying and uh and i can relate to that too but. how many friends like all of them. man most of them um some tried to fix their life  and they just went back to drinking and died.

one's in an australian jail right now  he's smuggling a shitload of coke over. to australia and got popped so now i don't know  how much time he's doing they say oh he'll be. on a couple years but i don't think so because  they did a sting operation on him and he's i. think he's gonna be gone away for 10 15 years  i don't know yeah but i mean i i have friends. that are in jail and i have friends that have  died one of my best friends um died in his sleep. i have other friends that have been shot in  juarez had owned bars down there and they.

got killed because they were getting extorted  and they got killed and it's just like i just. the common theme and all this [ __ ] no matter  how much you think can control it with alcohol. it's always it's always involved in someone's  life that i know where [ __ ] goes wrong. yeah somewhere in there you know what i mean  whether it's them saying oh i could have. three or four beers a night and that's all  i have i i think it does something to your. spiritual awareness man i really do i think i  think being sober it gives you a keener sense.

of your spirit of the spirit the spiritual  component what you have i believe being sober um. i think having alcohol cloudy cloudies up the  water it's it just makes it to your receptors. aren't taking in the information you should  be in taking it from god at least that's how. i see it right now and that's and and  that's all i can say is i'm you know. i'm just much better off without that [ __ ]  in my life yeah i love that [ __ ] in my life.

well i mean. you quit drinking you got tested with your dad  in the hospital how long was he in the hospital. oh dude he must have been in there for about a  month and a half and then this and let me mind. and let me tell you in the hospital not knowing  if he could even be a candidate for the surgery. yeah so we were just waiting like is  he gonna die are they gonna let him die. or is he gonna or do we have a 50 50  chance at his age even having the surgery.

and dying i i mean i thought i was gonna lose  my dad and i listen i know i'm gonna lose him. at some point he's 87. but uh you know  you're my best friend yeah my best friend. it's amazing how fast after you quit drinking  things just took off you know and i see that uh. with a lot of people yeah like there because you  know i don't know how many of these shows you've.

watched and uh doesn't matter but everybody has  almost everybody that's been on here is they've. gone through some real tough times you know what i  mean uh after service because the majority of them. are you know operators and uh and just about all  of them struggled with booze or drugs or both and. uh and and the ones that have quit drinking it's  it's just [ __ ] amazing to include myself too.

once you quit you know or slow it down i  guess i can't say i quit but things just. take off you know it's it's you're i don't  know what it is you're fresh every day yeah. you don't have to do those hangovers and and  trouble you know i mean geez every time i. got a dui that was 15 000 down the drain yeah  like paying lawyers and like lawyer fees and. that is complete waste of money then your bar  tab you know on top of that paying bar tabs or.

bad thing about what was was with me was every  time i went out in el paso it would be hey champ. let me get you a shot i didn't have to pay for  anything yeah people were constantly buying me. shots and so i was getting i was getting [ __  ] blasted without even having to spend a dollar. yeah you know and it's like then you realize  like [ __ ] man i can't even go out anywhere. without getting drunk you know because i would  never say no well when you quit making you quit. making shitty decisions yeah you know uh i think  about all the decisions that i made [ __ ] up and.

that [ __ ] doesn't happen anymore no i mean  i take full responsibility and i can't blame. the alcohol anymore for the shitty decisions i  make now yeah so it's like to me it's like um. i'm more focused on an objection objective i  know where i want to go in my life i know where. i'm trying to go i have the energy to put out to  make things happen now like like let's be honest.

if i was drinking and came to be i would first  of all you would never even ask me to be on the. show that would have never happened but if i was  drinking let's say i was drinking and somehow you. asked me to be on a show i would have made it to  your show i would have i would arise i would have. arrived in nashville and gone and partied and  then hung be hung over today and then call you. and be like hey can we do it later or some [ __  ] lame excuse it wouldn't have happened yeah so. you know so that that's a head start for me man  no alcohol i i'm getting a head start in life.

you know and i'm sure a lot of people are watching  this feeling very uncomfortable like [ __ ] i'm. still drinking i can't stop i was there dude i  know i was that guy that's like [ __ ] i wish i. could be like that i wish i could be that success  story but they need to understand that it's. it's it's a constant battle every day that  they're not alone nobody's alone in this. you we all feel the same it's just getting  through the day just get through it get through. it you're gonna be the boredom is the hardest  part is when i'm just sitting there going geez.

i mean [ __ ] to do like what do i do read a book  watch youtube but i watch sean ryan on youtube. then you were like [ __ ] it i'll just  be here [ __ ] it i'm gonna go drink. oh no i i uh but it's uh my life has changed  definitely it's it's it's definitely um it's going. in a completely different direction than i ever  would have imagined well where are you heading.

i don't know man you know if you would ask me  this two years ago it would have been or three. years ago it would have been like debt death  i would have been like i'm gonna die i'm gonna. now dude the sky's the limit i don't know i don't  know i i'm i'm i i'm letting god take care of that. okay i'm not deciding that i'm letting god steer  the ship i'm not i'm not the captain anymore. i know people say oh yeah you are you're your  own god you you manifest what you want nah.

now i'm humble i god has got my ship. i guess let me rephrase  this what are you doing now. i'm on the sean ryan show baby i know you know  like what are you working towards you got to be. working towards i i have a very good company  now um my social media company took off it's.

doing very well um and i just plan to keep going  and keep expanding you know sky's limit i don't. know where it's going to take me i don't know all  i know is if i were to stop today and stay at this. level i'm happy i'm very happy i don't need much  more than this i'm good i'm good but if it keeps. growing i'll embrace it it's whatever god wants  so when i say whatever i'm doing it already where. do you see me in five years where do i see myself  in five years well i'm doing it now i see myself. still hammering this out still doing podcasts  talking answers talking to interesting people such.

as yourself to me this is what what what better  job could you ask for we have really stimulating. interesting conversations with people it's [ __  ] awesome yeah like to me that's [ __ ] amazing. it's crazy like like if you would ask me  if i'd been doing this two years ago i. would say no i've been dead i'd be dead or  drunk somewhere and here i am doing this. it's amazing to me man i just can't believe  how when you let go and let god things change.

really you're just along for the bride just along  remember i totally surfing it's like i caught. a wave i'm riding the wave i used to compare  everything to boxing i used to say life's a fight. life's tough life's a lot of drama it's hard  it's like you got to roll with the punches. but you land your shots i don't think of it  like that anymore i look at life like surfing. you get your surfboard you paddle out there  you catch a badass wave and you ride it in. you go back out there catch another wave it may  be short maybe long but you're catching waves.

and you may wipe out but you get back out there  you get your surfboard and you go back out there. for another wave and that's how i see it now i'm  just catching waves do you surf i've attempted. i'm scared of surfing i've been out there  a few times my one of my best friends. used to surf all the time he took me out there  a few times and i got up on the board one time. but i ate [ __ ] immediately but i got the  gist of it i understood the concept right.

and i have a lot of friends that were surfers  right and they would tell me oh man got this. awesome wave i'm like [ __ ] that's how  life is man you know like [ __ ] you. catch a wave you ride it in or you don't  catch one you stay out there for a while. look at the beautiful ocean and then one  comes you catch it and you write it in. and then you work your ass off to get back out  there again you know what i mean it's like that. yeah so i used to compare everything to boxing  i used to be like oh life's a fight some round. one and then your middle of your life is like  the sixth on seventh rounds you know i don't. compare it to that anymore because i think life's  as hard as you make it yeah you know well i think.

that's a good spot to end on man but i just i  uh i just want to let you know i mean i've not. heard you open up like this on any of your videos  that you have on your channel and you know and uh. i think this conversation is going to help a lot  of people that are struggling with with alcoholism. with ptsd with whatever struggles they have in  life i mean it's just you gotta overcome it you.

have to be one to overcome it though and and want  something better and uh i just want to thank you. for coming out man dude it was my pleasure  man um i really knew that if i was gonna sit. down with you we'd go deep into this and i think  that i needed that for my own cathartic reasons. for my own therapy so i appreciate you  having me on sean it means a lot to me. my pleasure where do people find you nino's corner  dot tv nino's corner dot tv that's uh or youtube.

david nino rodriguez on youtube david nina  rodriguez or telegram nino's corner right. on but the big one is nino's corner dot  tv roger that best of luck to you brother. thank you i appreciate it sean see  you soon god bless you thank you.