Brett Cooper - The Real Reason She Left The Daily Wire | SRS #186

[Music]. Brett Cooper, welcome to the show. Thank. you. Happy to be here. I'm happy you're. here. We got a lot to dive into. You. ready? Yeah, for sure. Anything off the. table? No. All right. All right. How's. it going Independent? That's awesome. I'm having a ton of fun. Are you? It's. very freeing. Is it more challenging. than you thought it would be? Um, yes and no. I think I was surprised.

about the things that have challenged me. cuz I I knew going into it that there. was a lot that I didn't know that other. people had managed and that I didn't. have a hand on. And that was one thing. that I never really loved was that I. didn't completely have a hold and a a. sense of everything that was going on in. terms of my career and brand. So weird. to talk about yourself as like a brand, but sort of how it ends up being. Um and. so it's been really nice to dive into. that. Of course, there's a a learning. curve with that, but it's been very.

freeing. Well, we'll dive into that. later, but I just want to say, man, like. I am You're 23 years old, right? Yeah. Very sharp 23-year-old. And um I just. have a ton of respect for you. I don't I. don't dabble with the Gen Z as much. I. don't get the opportunity, but you know, I've been I've been stalking you for a. little bit. Sounds kind of creepy, but. but no, like, you know, I I saw, you. know, obviously the transition from. Daily Wire and kind of disappeared for a.

minute and you popped back up and like. you got spunk in your step. You're just. you're crushing it, man. And it's it's. really like I got a ton of respect for. people that can walk away from, you. know, something where everything was. handed to you. Maybe not handed to you, but I mean everything was taken care of. over there and now like you're tackling. this thing head on and it's tough, man. It's tough. It's it's a tough business. and I just want to say you're you're.

doing amazing and uh and uh like I just. I wish the best for you. Like it's. really cool to watch your journey but um. it's been rewarding thus far. Yeah, I. mean you came out with a big bang and. that's that's cool. Everybody starts off. with a introduction here. So Brent. Cooper, you're a conservative and. cultural commentator who has captivated. audiences with your sharp insights and. relatable perspective. You're a former.

actress who brings a unique blend of. entertainment and politics into your. audience. During your nearly three-year. tenure at the daily at the Daily Wire, you amassed 4.5 million subscribers as. the host of the comment section with. Brett Cooper. You're the host of the. Brett Cooper Show now where you tackle. current events, cultural issues, and. personal stories. You've attracted over. a million subscribers in just one month. You're the you are a voice for Gen Z,

challenging the status quo and sparking. conversations on topics often overlooked. by the mainstream media. And you live on. a farm here in Tennessee with your. husband. And your your oneyear. anniversary is next week, correct? Congratulations. Thank you. Congratulations. So, I want to do a life. story on you. Okay. I know there's a lot. there, especially for a 23-year-old, man. You've been through you've been. through it and uh there's a lot of depth. that I don't think I don't think you've.

really gone in depth on a lot of this. stuff on other podcasts. So, very rare. I want to be the one I want to be the. one that that gets it. That's what my. husband said last night as we were. leaving dinner with you guys. He was. like, "This is the podcast to talk about. that stuff." And I was like, "I know. What? Are you are you nervous? No, not. at all. I love talking about this. You. think you're going to get emotional? Probably. Right on, man. Good. I cry. easily. It's like a therapy session. I. know. And I loved therapy. People rag on. therapy a lot, especially on the right.

And I sort of do when I think people. like overuse it. It was incredible for. me. And I like When did you start. therapy? I was like 14. 14 years old. A. lot of [ __ ] going on. Yeah, I know, man. To work through it. But no, but I I. think that's the thing that not to go. completely off topic, but it there was a. time in my life when I needed it, when. there was so much going on that I. couldn't comprehend and I I didn't have. the. tools to navigate through. And so that's.

why I sought out help and I went through. a few different therapists trying to. find somebody and I found somebody who. was yes, very empathetic and would. listen, but was solutions focused of. like this is how you navigate this. this. is what you need to say to this person. How do we how do we better your. communication so you can get what you. need in this very very chaotic family. structure that you're living in? Like it. was very it was giving me the tools I. needed. So I didn't need to go forever. Like I got through that period and I got. to a point where I was like I don't need. to go trauma dump every Thursday.

afternoon. So I haven't been back. And. I've wondered if there was like you. don't go today. Interesting. Yeah. Last year I thought I. might need to I think I need to. I've. been kicking around the idea going back. I haven't been in. probably seven years I think. Yeah. If. you find a good person again, somebody. that's not an enabler, which I think is. hard to find. If you look up like. therapist in Nashville and the first. person that pops up is like the person. who is in Matt Walshes, what is a woman? And you're like, "Oh, fuck." Like you're. not who I want to talk to. But um if you.

find again a good person that is focused. on providing you tools so that you can. make your life better cuz they can't. change your life for you. Yeah. But if. they help you break. down the things that are in your way, the things that are out of your control. that give you a set of tools so you can. move forward. That's an incredible. whether that's a therapist or a life. coach or just a mentor in your personal. life in your church. Everybody should. have something like that. Yeah. Yeah, you know, a lot of times I think people.

just break it down themselves. You know, just hearing yourself talk, you realize. how insane you are and uh and and work. through a lot of those issues yourself. But yeah, I think about going back. I. mean, with the with the rise of the show. and you know, just a lot of people. coming at you, it's it can be enraging. Yeah. And um and that's something I'm. kind of working through, but you dealt. with that at a young age and I want to. talk about that later, too. Sounds good. So, but we have a couple things to knock.

out here. So, I have a Patreon account. You know that. Where's your subscription. network? Uh, we have a we have. cooper.com. No, it's called Cooper. Confidential. Cooper Confidential. Nice. Yeah. What do you do on there? I do a. weekly advice video. Do you remember. like Dear Abby in the newspaper? Yes. I. was obsessed with Dear Abby. And so I. have people send in questions because a. lot of the times when I get emails from. people, it's like, I'm having trouble. figuring out something in a relationship. or with college or I know that you've.

dealt with this with your brother or. your parents. Could you help me through. this? So it's like these long long. questions that I've never really had the. avenue to answer before cuz I can't just. email people back all day long even. though I would love to. So, we open up. the question portal every week and. people send in their questions and then. I answer them in just like a casual. video. We just kind of work through them. together basically. So, we do that and. then we have ad free episodes um and. then like a monthly subscriber only. newsletter that's much more personal. stuff. So, nice. Nice. Well, this is.

from John Wallace. Okay. Could you. comment on the current state of. conservative politics now that the new. administration is actively making. changes and disrupting the liberal. agenda? Then there's a follow on. Is. there more unity or is there behind the. scenes drama and power grabs occurring? Oh gosh. Unfortunately, I think it's the. latter. cuz I think that was actually my first. episode that I did on the new show was. sort of about that. I think that we are. being very sore winners. Unfortunately,

I think the right is so used to losing. and we talk about a victim mentality all. the time of, you know, the left. victimizes themselves. But we've been in. a culture, it's like the a perfect. culture for nonprofits where it's like. the left's getting us, donate now, whatever. Like we've just been in that. mindset that I think now that we've won. in such a a massive way and we've won. culturally. I think everything everybody. was just like we don't even know how to. function. So, I have a lot of hope. I'm. really excited about almost everything. that Trump is doing and his cabinet is.

doing. I love the people involved. I. love RFK Jr. I'm a massive fan of Tulsi. She I know her, you know, as you know. her in our personal lives. I just think. that she is one of the most like. magnificent people. Like he's surrounded. himself with excellent individuals. Feels very different than 2016. So, in. terms of the administration, I feel. really really strongly in a positive. way. But in terms of like this weird. industry of like right-wing commentators. and whatever, like you go on X, I'm. like, can you like can everybody just. like chill? It's crazy over there. Um,

so I think when you get out of like. there's a lot of X that does feel like. the real world, but I'm also like moms. in Minnesota aren't like caring about. this stuff. Like random people just like. trying to get through life and hoping. that gas prices are going to go down. Like they're not seeing our infighting. So, um, I so I think it's a it's a. double-edged sword of I feel a lot of. hope in terms of where politics are. going and I hope that the right can get. their act together and start or stop.

like pointing fingers and Yeah, it'd be. great to see a little unity. I mean, people are just so far apart nowadays, you know, but Yeah. But I think a lot of. people are exhausted from it, too. Yeah, I know. I am. Yeah. I'm so [ __ ] tired. of politics. Yeah. I can't even I think. people in this world are I think just. normal voters are. I think it's just. been it's probably one of the reasons. why he won. People are just like I can't. do this anymore. Like I don't care what. you're going to say about me. Like I.

just want my life to be better. Yeah. So. I think that that part again with normal. people I think that there has been some. unity. I hope the pendulum just like. starts slowing down a little bit here. you know. I think maybe hopefully, you. know, hopefully everybody's learned some. lessons. Yeah. And maybe we don't need. to go so [ __ ] extreme and uh yeah, that would be amazing, but probably way. off, but probably wishful thinking, but. but uh so everybody gets a gift. Oh, I'm.

so excited about this. Yep. Yep. So, there they are. Oh my gosh. The. Magnificent Vigilance Elite Gummy Bears, illegal in all 50 states, made here in. the USA. I can't wait. I'm so bummed. because I wanted to bring you a gift cuz. I know that you give people your gummy. bears. So, I gave you your gift last. night. So, for anybody watching, I gave. Sean uh some of our chicken eggs in one. of our duck eggs cuz we get those this.

morning. We didn't eat the duck egg yet. Oh, that one's special. You got have. like a special omelette for that or. something. Thank you. Thank you for. those. Did you. I'm just gonna say it. So yeah, you got. this cookie idea. I know. You got to do. it, man. I know. You got to do it. I. desperately want to have cookie company. Would crush it. It would cr man. I know. You got to do it. I love I love food. I. mean, it's like the Yeah. Yeah. Your. husband was telling us at dinner last. night, you're like the cookie monster. over there. Six cookies in one sitting.

Amazing. Yeah. But um All right. So, let's let's dig in. You ready? Let's do. it. So, you grew up in Chattanooga, right? Yeah. Well, we moved around a. lot, but I call Chattanooga I split my. hometown, depending on how I'm feeling. about it, between LA and Chattanooga, but I was born on an island in. Washington State called Orcus Island off. the coast of um it's in the San Juans, so out past Bellingham. Um and my family.

just randomly moved there. My brothers. had gone to summer camp there for many. years. And I think that's one of those. places where you're either seeking. something or you're hiding from. something basically. And I think my. family was my parents marriage was never. really strong. My dad was very unhappy. and they just needed to like escape. So. I went to like the tiniest island. possible. It was like idyllic. um in hopes that that would fix things. And so that's how we kind of ended up. there. So they were there for 10 years. My brothers are 12 and 14 years older. than me. So I was born at the tail end.

of that stint and I think then they kind. of outgrew it and my brothers were the. education system wasn't great on the. island and my mom had tried to. homeschool them cuz she had homeschooled. she ended up homeschooling me but I. think every kid is different and. homeschooling just wasn't really Why. were your parents not happy? They're. very different people. Incredibly. different people. They were friends in. um my mom had a previous marriage so my. brothers and I have different dads and. he died of brain cancer when they were. very very young. So I think Wait a. minute. Hold. Your your brother's dad's.

your brother's dad died of brain cancer. when they were very young. Mhm. How. young? Like three and five maybe? [ __ ] Yeah. It was really It was So we have my. oldest brother, Chase, and then two. twins. So my mom had tiny children and a. terminally ill husband flying back and. forth between Mayo Clinic. It was just. awful. Damn. Um, and I think his brain. cancer made their marriage very hard as. well, cuz everything obviously just.

flips. Um, and so he passed away and my mom is. chronically efficient, I would say. And. she was like, well, I, you know, my sons need a father and I. don't want to be alone. And she had. known my dad in college and they were. good friends and he's he's a wonderful. guy. He's very sweet, but they're very. different people. and they dated for a. short amount of time and it was always. long distance because he was in North. Carolina and she was in California which. is where she and her first husband and.

the boys lived and so they didn't spend. a ton of time together. I think it was. very like rosecolored. glasses and um it just wasn't from the. get- go I don't think it was right. They're very different people. I think. they would have been much happier with. different you know my mom's very. headstrong, very dominant personality. were very. very. similar. And I think that she needed. somebody who could stand up to her and. combat that. It's like when I met Alex,

who was my husband, it was like I. finally met somebody who was like a. sparring partner of mine, who wouldn't. like put me in my place cuz that sounds. bad, but who was willing to like push. back and go, "No, you are in the wrong. here, and here's how you could be. better." And I could do this. Like I was. so used to being able to do that with. other people. and to have somebody who. was not gonna be a pushover basically. Um, and would be willing to debate. things with me and discuss really like. heavy and interesting subjects and. wasn't intimidated by me in the. slightest. And I don't think that was my. dad. He needed somebody a lot softer, I.

think. And my mom needed somebody who. was probably more dominant. And so I. think it was just always very out of. like we talk about, you know, masculine. and feminine traits and finding that in. marriage and a relationship. I think. they were always off balance. So, it was. not great from the start. I don't think. your father wanted you aborted. Yeah. Correct. Yeah. When did you find that. out?

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to save 15%. These statements and. products have not been evaluated by the. Food and Drug Administration. These. products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease or. condition. Oh gosh. Uh, probably when I was 15 or 16. 16. How did that come up? We um I was living in LA was a child. actor. Everybody there super pro-choice.

I think I had been on some set and. everybody was like wearing their Bernie. pins or whatever pro-choice. And I just. like very innocently asked my mom. I was. like, "What? Like could we just like. talk through this issue?" She's super I. think that's why my brothers and I ended. up the way that we did. Like my oldest. brother and I are very very principled. in our values and very comfortable like. speaking about them openly cuz it was. like the dinner table and just like even. being in the car with our mom was like. debate was accepted. The hard. conversations were not to be shied away.

from whether it was things that were. going on in our family or things going. on in the world. It was like no let's. break these down together. She's a very. like introspective. She's not academic, but she's incredibly. intellectual. And so that was just a. normal thing. So I was like, let's like. I don't let's talk about abortion. Like. I don't I just don't understand like. what are these two sides of the like I. just didn't understand the. issue. And so we started talking about. that. You know, it was just like over. the course of a few months. And I think. that she had kind of weighed whether to. bring that up. But that was what really.

changed her mind permanently about. abortion was when my dad came to her. I. was like, I don't want a child. like. their marriage was already not great. It. was an. accident. Um I don't think he really got along. with my brothers very well. and it was just like I don't want this. child. So you so you're living in LA, the abortion topic comes up, you you. bring it up to your mom and I mean how. did she bring that up to you? I don't. even remember. I mean but it's it was.

probably something that was very. straightforward. She doesn't mince. words. She's not somebody who is. uh I guess soft or like brings anything. in, you know, very matter of fact. Yeah. just like this happened and she had. always been in her mind she was. like I think she was more pro-life but. kind of understood the pro-choice. argument in terms of like government. overreach and you know it is a woman's. body and then what was. actually an issue that she had to decide.

and was put in front of her. and I think that completely she had to. reanalyze the issue from a like a much. more personal. perspective And I think she basically. said to my dad, she was like, "If you. want this so badly, you go make the. appointment." And he couldn't bring. himself to do it. Like he couldn't even, it was just like such a like a threat. basically like, "I don't want you." He. just wanted her to go do it. She was. like, "I'm not. um" And that was it was all like I mean, how did you do you remember like her.

telling you? Yeah, but it also didn't. surprise me cuz I knew my dad. My dad. and I never had a great relationship. It. was just kind of like, "Okay, yeah, I. guess." How about today? much better. Have you ever asked him about it? No. Will you? Maybe one day. I've talked about having. him on the show. and break like trying to break through a. lot of different things. I have a lot. more. um a lot more empathy for him as I've. gotten older and I understand him.

more because I think that. I saw him for his faults in my parents'. marriage which they were you know they. both had their faults. but outside of that marriage I think I. saw a a broken man who was just not the. right relationship. He had had a really. hard family life growing up. Do you. think he'll watch this? Yeah, probably. He watches everything. Well, that'll. probably strike up some questions. Yeah,

for sure. Like I had done a I think he. watched the video I did with Ray Lynn. where we talked about this and we sang. together cuz she has a song about her. mom almost aborting her. So, I believe. he watched that. But, and it's never. come up. How often do you talk to him? Every month or so. I definitely still have some boundaries. up for sure. Mhm. And I think he does as. well. But I think. in one of the greatest parts of growing. up is seeing your parents as.

humans with their own childhood, their. own baggage. God, learning so much about. like I knew what my mom had gone through. as a mother. of losing a husband. One of my brothers. died at 17 years old going through a. really really bitter divorce and being. in a very unhappy. marriage when my other brother now has. schizophrenia. I mean she's just been. like hit after hit. Her like joke is. like was like Gingaskhan and like former. life like what happened? Um but seeing.

that but then understanding things from. her family and her past of like you see. this full human being that as a kid you. don't you can't comprehend. And I think. I got to start seeing that at a younger. age because of her honesty and her. transparency. Um, and even her honesty. about my dad of things that he wouldn't. bring up, but of her comfort and being. able to. say XYZ happened. It's not really my. story to tell, but you know, this. happened with your grandfather and your.

dad and he went through that. And being. able to like see that, you know, 17, 18. years old was like, God, okay, so this. was not the right marriage. this was a hard. childhood and this is somebody who has. really been lost. I don't think has ever. found like true. fulfillment and I look at him and I'm. just like I just want to give you a hug. basically and it's really helped our. relationship. The other thing too that I. never expected. was marrying Alex and bringing somebody.

into my life who didn't carry the. baggage and the weight of growing up in. this. environment and didn't experience the. heartbreaks and didn't experience. feeling let down, didn't experience. growing up in the shadow of. schizophrenia and death and divorce and. was able to look at my dad as just a. human and who was able to find him so. endearing. ing and funny and. kind and then being able to see him. through my husband's lens. of like picking up the phone every time.

he calls and be like, "Hey, I just. talked to Mike.". Wow. I mean, and that's made me so much. better. I mean, it it's it's pretty amazing. You. know, I want to dive into all of it, but. it does sound like you had a really. tough childhood and and um you know, a. lot of the stuff we spoke about at. dinner last night. I mean, you know, a. lot of people don't get out of that. You. know, it just carries on from generation. to generation to generation and and. somehow, you know, you broke through it. You're obviously a very strong woman.

But what what did your what did your. parents do? What did your mom do? She's. a stay at home mom. She was a. stay-at-home mom. Mhm. And your dad? He. worked in finance. like and not finance. in any kind of like like really cool or. you know very well like he was a like a. banker at a local bank in Chattanooga. doing like nonprofit stuff and I don't. think that's ever what he wanted to do. He was good at it. Mhm. But I think that he there was he would.

have been a great professor. He's super. academic, very esoteric. So I think. that's probably also, you know, there's. such a lesson in I think I learned a lot. from watching him. There's such. a lesson in that. of you don't you don't have to like love. everything about what you do. But if you. don't find a sort of fulfillment and. passion in some sort of your life to. fill that void and to fill that. cup, you're always going to be searching. and you're always going to feel lost and.

you're always going to, you know, substitute it with other things and. other vices. And so I think there's often people kind. of like joke about the cliche of like do. what you love. But it's like if you. don't have some kind of like if you. don't feel like what you're doing is. important or like it speaks to some part. of you and you can't identify that then. you have to find it in some other part. of your life. And if you don't have. both, I think that's what I watched with. him where there was like it wasn't in. his career, wasn't in his personal life, he wasn't happy in his. marriage, our family was a mess.

Yeah. Yeah. Trapped. Yeah. What were you into as a kid? Everything. I basically did everything because I was. homeschooled. So, I was had the time to. do so many things. So, I was obviously. into theater and I was a dancer. So, I. did ballet as a competitive gymnast, did. community theater, singing lessons, was. super weird and outdoors. I was like the. like homeschool kid that was like. sitting under the tree like looking at. leaves and like digging holes with my. hands. And we like lived on like 5.

acres, 10 acres in Chattanooga. um had a. Save the Earth Club in like second grade. and because I was homeschooled there was. like nobody in it. It was just me and. like one other friend. Um uh my whole. family sails very randomly. Like my dad. grew up in North Carolina so he would. sail. And then when we lived on the west. coast north cuz I had my brothers learn. how to sail. And so I would go on the. Tennessee River at our like tiny little. like boat club thing where they would. have. uh tiny little you know like kid. sailboats and um opies is what they're.

called. So I would sail I rock climbed. Chattanooga is a huge rock climbing. town. How much did you guys bounce. around? Um, so we went from Washington. to Chattanooga and then when I started. acting we bounced around. Okay. And so I. was like I just fell in love with it and. my mom was very against it. But I also. think she saw kind of an out like a way. to escape her life in a way that my. brother had just died and um I saw an.

emotional outlet that gave me the. ability to be creative and escape my. life and what was going on and the. intensity of that and gave me a a. creative. outlet. And I just kept wanting to do. more. I was like I would I would go on. like I wasn't allowed to have computer. but I would go on her like desktop and. be like Annie like auditions nearby and. be like there's one happening like an. hour away I want to go do this musical. and so we would go audition my mom would. drive me like an hour plus to rehearsals. and to shows and then I was like I think.

I want to be on Broadway and so I wrote. a letter to a manager in New York and. was like I want to be Jane Banks and. Mary Poppins and I'll like I will fly up. to meet you and do an audition and then. you'll help me get this role. whatever. I was just super motivated. And I think. she saw kind of an escape, but she also. after my brother David died, her. perspective as a parent changed where. she was like, if I had known that David. only had 17 years, what would I have said yes to? And.

obviously not given to your child's. every whims, but if there was something. he loved more than anything, what would I have done? Let's rewind a. little bit before we get into the. acting. So, you moved from Washington to. Chattanooga. Mhm. How old how much older. were your brothers than you? 12 and 14. years. 12 and 14 years. Were you close. with them? Are you close with them? Yeah. I was never super close to my. oldest brother, Chase, because when I. was born, he was already going off to. boarding school. He knew he wanted to be. um in the military. So, he went to the.

Marine Military Academy in Texas, cuz. the Marines don't have a college, but. they have a high school. So he did that. and then basically spent the next four. years working to get into a service. academy and got into all of them um and. chose the Air Force Academy. So he was. and he spent every summer, you know, at. the summer programs at the naval academy. at Air Force at West Point, got his. pilot's license at like 15 years old. So. he was super incredibly motivated, knew. what he wanted to do with his life. So. he was kind of out of the house by the.

time that I was born. So I didn't get to. know him as well as a kid. I think I was. probably around 15 years old when we. really started getting close when all. the stuff again we can talk about later. that happened with my older brother, my. other brother. We really got close then. But Reed and David are the twins and so. I grew up with them and it was super. close. Super close. 12 years older and. you guys are super close. Yeah. And. David died at Well, because we were all. living together. So like when I think. about my childhood, you know, David died. when I was 5 years old. So, I don't have.

a ton of memories unfortunately, but it. was just like me and Reed and my mom. That's the surviving twin. What kind of. stuff were you experiencing in home with. your mom and your dad? I unfortunately didn't know anything. different. Like, it was. icy. I never saw any affection. There. was a lot of disdain for each other. We. lived in a big house that was like very. long and they would be like on opposite. ends of it basically. And to their.

credit, I think that they. tried and they tried for me and. especially. after David died and my brother Reed. really started. struggling. I think that the damage. after that was irreparable after losing. a child. Mhm. But they did try in their own ways. But. it was like I'm so grateful that I'm. here and I wouldn't change the world. that it was it's like I look at that as. like that was probably a marriage that. never should have happened just because. they're so so different like and it's.

not like a different like complimentary. way like it's just like you are just and. there's a lot of affection there and you. spend 20 plus years with someone cuz. they were married for a long. time and they got through the divorce. and they're they're friendly now. How. old were you when they got divorced? 15. 15. Mhm. Okay. That's when I had. emancipated myself as well. We'll get. there. Yeah. We'll get there. Let's go. back. Yeah. So, your brother dies at. five. At age five. I'm age five. He's.

17. He dies on. a They went to a school in Chattanooga. They were on the rowing team. They're. both super athletic, very. artistic. I mean, they were like the. most well-rounded guys. They're both. brilliant, incredibly artistically. talented. like I can't even I have my. own creative talents like I can't draw. for crap. And they were both I mean. brilliant but also brilliant at math. Like my brother Reed had a perfect SAT.

score. I mean just so well-rounded, incredibly athletic. They were on the. rowing team. Just good. guys. And out of nowhere, David had a. cardiac arrest and fell off the rowing. machine right in front of. Reed. They were 17 years old, identical. twins. They never had that like. separation that like psychologically. twins have to go through. And if you're. not a twin, like I don't even think I. can understand what that feels like. But. I've talked to enough twins now. I've.

talked to Reed, you. know, 17 I think this is the we're going. into the 18th year since David has died. So, he's now been gone longer than he. was here. And I've spent enough time. talking with Reed throughout that period. of like they had never they were still. one person. They had done everything. together. And he watched his brother die. in front of him. There were no defiills. in the gym. There was nothing anybody. could do. He was basically dead on site. And it was Valentine's Day in 2007.

Um, and yeah, it. was I mean that changes the family. forever and it's there were so many. different it's like a grief is such a. patchwork like a quilt in my opinion. because everybody's perspective and. journey is different. My mom's journey. was completely different than my dad's. You know, this is not my dad's. biological son. He never adopted my. brother's.

They had a lot of It was very tense. Like the week before David died, they. had a huge My dad and David had a huge. blowout. David even went to my mom that. week and was like, "Why are you still in. this marriage?" Like, "This doesn't. work." I think she had a ton of regret. over. that. And. he So, my dad's journey was completely. different. I think he's but it does just. because he wasn't their biological. father. I mean he had spent 14 years.

with them. It was very different than my. mother's. Reed's journey as a identical. twin was completely different. Something. that none of us could ever understand. My older brother Chase had a completely. different journey that I don't even. think I really know much about. He's. very he's military. He's like closed. case done. Um and he was far away at the. time he was in college. Then mine was completely different than. anybody else's cuz I didn't know. him. I did like I have these memories of.

things we would do together and we would. wake up on Saturdays and he would make. me waffles and we'd go like ride in the. car together and that kind of. thing. But you my grief was. like growing up and everybody has all of. these memories with this person and you. don't. Do you remember how you found out? Yeah. So, it was Valentine's. Day. I got a phone call from the school.

And again, that's like the My mom is so. I truly think it's one of the best. things she's ever done in terms of. raising us. She was so honest. there was. no hiding. anything which I think in the world of. helicopter parenting and trying to. protect your kids and kind of putting. them in this glass box like that's. become very abnormal and people would. look at our life and be like why would. you not shield them from this but I'm. very glad that she didn't but it was. just like looked at me and went David's.

collapsed we need to go to the like put. down your Valentine's that you were we. were like having a Valentine's Day party. and we have to go and I remember getting. in the car and I had like the valent one. time that I had made David and I was. just like 5 years old and holding. it. My god, I haven't talked about this. in so long. Um, I watched all of it. I got to the.

school as he was being put in the. ambulance. We went to the hospital and. um I had like a nurse take me out as. they were, you know, talking about what. was going on and they had no idea what. happened. I was wearing lime green clogs. and I remember cuz it was we were there.

until very late. I was walking through. the halls of the hospital. I could hear. my like Hannah Anderson clogs like clump. through the hospital. hallways. It's like funny the things you. remember. They were in like a very dark. purpley. room and. um I have no idea what. happened. They think it's some kind of. like like epigenetics of something, you. know, environmental happened. genuinely.

no idea at the time. Nothing came with. the autopsy. We all immediately, especially Reed, you know, we came to. Nashville and went to Vanderbilt. They. have one of the best pediatric um. cardiology programs in the country, probably the. best did, I mean, hundreds of tests to. figure out, you know, was there any risk. for Reed? And there was. nothing. nothing. And. um David always drank Red Bulls in the.

morning. He would drink like two Red. Bulls a day. He would drink one on the. way to school. And my mom would always. kind of. like, David, you probably shouldn't. drink that. And he would be like, "Mom, everybody's drinking them." But she said. there was like a gut feeling of I don't. think this is good for you. And she. asked the doctor at the time like, "Do. you think this like his caffeine intake? Like what? Like there's no we have no. answers. What could have happened for a. completely fit, no chronic illness, no. history of anything, collapse and die.

within 15. minutes when you have an identical twin. brother standing here with no problems. who still to this day doesn't have any. problems, never had any scares or. anything. Um, and she was like, "Could it have. been, you know, let's talk about what. he," my mom was very matter of fact of. like, "Let's figure it out. Like, what. happened? We need to, you know, obviously like prevent this from. happening." Um, to any of the other. kids. She brought up the Red Bull and. they like laughed at her. And last year.

a study came out that over like from the. last 10 years about the cardiac effects. of drinks like Red Bull. [ __ ] And so that's just like one thing, but again, you have no they threw around. something called long QT, which is a. rhythmic condition, which I actually go. in for like EKGs and testing. We all do. Like I don't know if Chase still does, but. um every 5 years or so, we'd go in and.

I'd get routine testing and they noticed. something a few years ago. So I came. back up to Vanderbilt, we did all that, but it was nothing worth really. addressing. But I monitor my caffeine. intake for that reason. I kind of always. I look for like defibrills and rooms at. gyms and that kind of stuff. Um but. nothing serious. But that long QT that. was just kind of a shot in the dark of. like maybe it was that and that can be. just spurred by environmental things. So. yeah, that's completely out of the blue. What did the Valentine say? I think it.

was just happy Valentine's Day like love. Brett to David with a little heart. It. was a lollipop. It was one of those ones. you get at the store where you have the. little note that like sticks up on it. I. still have it. You still have it? Oh, yeah. That little book that I made him. after the fact. My mom. was again, she's so intentional about. everything and she faces it head on, which I think when you were in the fog. of grief, I look back and I'm like, I.

don't know how you did this. But if she knew even at that time that. like my experience was going to be so. different than everybody else's. And so. she, you know, put all these little. papers together and made a booklet and. she was like, "I want you to draw out. your favorite memories with David." She. knew I would forget them. And so I have. this whole little book of like my. terrible stick figure drawings of, you. know, going skiing and, you know, making. waffles in the morning. And I would love. when, you know, David would be like in.

the car with me and he would like play. float rider or whatever. It's like, so I. have all those written down. Um, and she. has those in her house that I can go. back and look at. But I'm very. like, she knew even at that point that. it was going to be a very different. journey for all of us. And I think that. she handled mine very, very well. And I, you know, she ended up running a grief. organization for many years called. Compassionate Friends, which if anybody. out there has experienced um the death.

of a child or sibling is an incredible. organization that is just about the. death of a child. There wasn't a chapter. in Tennessee region. And so she created. one and ran it. And through that, I met. kids that had been in a very similar. situation as me where they lost somebody. that was older than them. And again, it's so weird because you. grow up and you watch your family. struggle and you, you know, you hit. every Christmas and every anniversary. and it's your, you know, no Christmas.

was never the same in our house. Like. you holidays after losing somebody so. close to you will always. feel just empty. Mhm. Um, this goes like this is a deep cut. It was like an English major, but Alfred. Lord Tennyson is a very famous English. poet and he has a very very long poem. It's basically a book called Inmemoriam. that tracks his experience through grief. after losing his best friend. And I remember I read it in college and.

I was just like hit because I'd never. heard. anybody show the waves of grief over. like the course of, you know, 10 years. of like and there was these moments each. year that he would cover in the poem. about holidays and Christmas. specifically about like there's. something about. those days that are so, you know, they're about family and about community. and about coming together in love and. how can you do that when you've lost. somebody that's so.

important and I'm just seeing that was. like okay it's not abnormal what my. family is feeling and having that. community through that organization was. really helpful and through that I met. other kids like I said who had lost. siblings that were older than them. because you you grew up in the shadow of. grief which changes your childhood. forever you grow up desperately wanting. to have the memories that everybody else. does like you got 17 years with him. I. got. five, you know, three of which I have no.

concept of any memory. Um, one of which. he was at a boarding school. So, it's. like maybe I got one year and then you. feel kind of stupid cuz it's like should. this even impact me? It was 5 years old. But it it completely changes the. trajectory of your family and your. life. And that I was I I literally I. almost said subconsciously, but it was. much more tangible than that. I didn't. think I was going to live.

beyond 17 years in one week cuz that was. when he died. Wow. His birthday was. February 7th. He died February 14th. Cuz you you idolize this person and I've. talked to people who have lost parents. at a young age and who have lost older. siblings. and I had, you know, 12 years. of still looking up to him. He was still. my older brother. I mean, it's not just one year, though. You know what I mean? I mean, that even. though you don't have a memory of the. first three years, I mean,

it's there. You know, I I see it with my. kids. Yeah. You know, one and three and. I see my youngest, you know, totally. infatuated with my three-year-old. And I mean, so there's still that. there's that bond, you know, that's. that's forming every minute of every. day. Yeah. She doesn't want to do. anything that her brother's not doing. Mhm. And um and so well, you don't have. a memory of it. It's the psyche's in. there. Yeah. It's ingrained and it's.

hard to rationalize that when you feel. ridiculous. But it's like that bond, that. idolization that you see with your. daughter and your son of like you just. keep having that. And I was like, I want. to go do the things that he did and I. want to be as smart as he was and I want. to be as good of a person as he was. And. then you get to that point and I didn't. like see a life beyond 17 a week. And I. remember it was my birthday's October. 12th. I had midterms. It was a week.

after that and I had like an English. midterm and then it was like my second. year of community. college and I had a Spanish midterm. later in the afternoon. So I was sitting. in the parking garage in my car. sobbing cuz I had like made. it. I felt so guilty. Man, what age did you start thinking. that? What age did you start thinking. you wouldn't make it past 17?

probably like tween years when I really. started. to be able to think critically about the. entire. experience. And as it got closer that it. was. like like it it genuinely it felt like. such a betrayal. A betrayal. Yeah. Of him of like how did. how did I get here? Like why am. I how do I get to live longer than. you? Especially when you idolize.

somebody for so many years. Like you're. a much better person than I was. It's. like you deserve so much more. And why. am I here? But that's also like on the. flip side, it's such a fire under your. ass of like I always say I feel like I'm. living for two. people cuz there were he had such big. dreams and he was so smart. He was so. creative. It's like I never want to. waste an opportunity. So my mom gave so much to me and pushed.

so hard to for me to pursue the things. that I loved that would, you know, make. me better, happier, more fulfilled. Does that turn you into an overachiever? For sure. Yeah. We're doing pretty damn. good. I know. Yeah. I don't even think. about it as overachieving. It's just. like just don't stop. Push it to the. limit. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, we. have a, you know, this is a huge veteran. audience and um lot of kids, you know, that have lost parents, lost siblings.

Yeah. I mean, what advice do you have. for them? Especially the young kids. I've seen it. I've seen I've seen my. friends dying. I've seen their. 5-year-olds. show up to the casket with an American. flag over it. They don't know what's. going on. No, I think. or maybe they do.

You know, but I don't think you. understand the magnitude of it until. later. You understand the magnitude. because they're gone. But I you as you. get older, you. realize the magnitude of what that means. for the rest of your life and what. you'll carry. So, I think that would. kind of be the advice is just know it. will never go away. And that's not that doesn't have to be a. bad thing. It's just like I think people. think of like, oh, you're grieving. You're in mourning. And we would have, you know, family, friends, and even. people in our.

family who would say like literally. somebody in our family told my mom, "It's been 10 years. Why aren't you over. it?" But you'll never. be over it. And you can. choose to let that [ __ ] you, or you. can choose to let it fuel you. You can choose to let. it determine your life in a really. negative way where you are constantly. living in the shadow of this or you can.

make a. choice to live a life that's great in. spite of it and in honor of them which I. think is the decision that I made pretty. clearly at a very young age. Like I. remember at like 11 years old being like. I'm doing this for me and. David and be very clear about it. Um, and I was probably like a. chronically self-aware kid, which is. very abnormal. But you have to, you make a very. conscious. choice because it's been 17 years and I.

still on the anniversary of his death. was like sitting in the bank parking lot. just. like crying a couple weeks. ago. But it's also really special. because you have the opportunity. to never let. somebody's legacy go. away and be able to like speak their. name and share their stories for your. benefit but for other people's benefit. as. well.

Um and so yeah, it will never it will. grief will change over the years. It. will feel less all consuming. You might go, you know, when you're in. the thick of it, I. think my mom would say she never felt. like there would be a day that she could. get through without it consuming her. She can. now. She thinks about him every single. day. It drives so much of what she does. It drives the fact that she's never. given up on my brother Reed who.

struggles so much. But um it changes and it does get easier. and you learn how to cope with it. better, but it'll always be there and so. you should try to look for the beauty in. it. And the other thing that she always. said to me starting from when I was very. young is. that you know grief wouldn't exist if we. didn't love so. deeply. And that's a blessing that you.

got to love. It's kind of like it, you know, it's. love that doesn't have anywhere to go. anymore. So now you can choose where. you're going to put it and what you're. going to do with it. Do you believe in God? Mhm. Do you think your brother's watching. over you? Yeah. I think of every time I see a. cardinal. Do you know the idea with red. birds that they're Oh, yeah. I know.

When I drive out of our house, we live. in the middle of, you know, the. backwoods. There's one spot where I'm. driving out on this dirt. road. And every single day, without. fail, even in like the season when. Cardinal should not be there, drives. right in front of my car. How does that make you feel? Incredible. And it wasn't there all the. time. Didn't see him a lot. say hey. because I literally was just like, "Oh. yeah, that's David.". Um started the summer I was really going.

through a hard time. Felt very lost. Um was really questioning if what I was. doing was right and some, you know, career decisions that I was going to be. making. And that's when I started seeing. him and I haven't gone a day without. seeing him since. And what did that tell. you? That I'm doing okay. Lean into your. gut. Yeah. We did all sorts of My mom visited. mediums that right after I mean I. haven't done that and I kind of want to.

but like she did she went to multiple. mediums. like one in New York where you're you. don't tell them or even his assistant. like who you are or anything about you. and you go to this hotel. room and he would just like sit there. was like talking about it just so weird. and both her first husband and David. popped up. Are you serious? Yeah. And we're like, there's a a. 17-year-old young man here who wants to.

speak to you. I mean, it was. like I was actually just thinking about. this meeting the other day. I was. googling trying to see if I could find. him. I need to ask my mom the name cuz I. would love to go just do this. But yeah, she was able to speak to Don, her first. husband, to hear from. him. She had a miscarriage between the. between the boys, I think. And I'm. pretty sure that in one of the medium. things that baby came. in, said something. You know, the lights. just dim behind you twice. I saw. that. I believe in all that stuff. Me,

too. I know it's real, man. There's not. a there's not a doubt in my mind. Yeah. Which also is another part of this that. can be very special. Again, it's all. like it's something that's really hard. to hear and it's hard to implement, but. it is about perspective at the end of. the day. If you can think of it as I. will let this drive me. I will be a. better person in spite of this. I will.

live for both you and me and I will make. you proud and I will know that you're. always around me. Like that's pretty. cool. It is. Do you think he's here. right now? Absolutely. I think I'm so. like selfish, but I'm like he doesn't go. a day without being with me. Yeah, he's got a bunch of people to. bounce around with, but I'm like, "No, here. You're the baby." I know. Exactly. Need to send him over to my. other brother, though. You need to go. help him. We'll talk about that in a.

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sitewide at checkout. That's roa.com. with code. SRS. All right, so we're back from the. break. Yeah, the medium stuff. Yeah. Have you ever heard of the Long Island. Medium? I think that's what they call her. Yes. Yeah. Wasn't she on some reality shows? Yeah, I think she's been on a ton of. stuff. Yeah. But my wife's uh my wife's. family had some crazy stuff happen with. with that. They went to I guess they do.

like a show, you know, and um it sounded. like it was pretty intimate. And. um without getting too into detail about. her family, she had she had some family. members that um they lost their dad. Mhm. And they went to this they went to. this medium as kind of like you know. just entertainment. Yeah. And you know, she was like, "Oh," the. medium was like, "Oh, you know, I'm.

getting this." And all these people. raise their hand. I'm like, "No, it's. not you." And oh, like they're saying. this and all these other people raise. their hand and it's like, "No, it's not. you.". and she. said they know that you go in the closet. and. spray your dad's old. cologne in total privacy to remember him.

and her family member just started. like crying. immediately and then you know then there. was a little bit more I can't remember. the rest of it but it's like man that. stuff. is wild. Yeah. You know, have you seen. the um telepathy tapes? No. You'll have. to ask um the team downstairs about it, but there's a I'll butcher the. explanation, but it is um it's a podcast that's been.

blowing up and it focuses on. um non-verbal people with autism really. and just telepathy and all of that. and. not just being able to communicate, but. like being in separate rooms and like. this person will have like a ball or. something and they'll have this person. in the other room and it's like so what. are they looking at? It's like purple. ball. That's crazy, man. It's just all. like it's like some type of connected.

consciousness. Yeah. Yeah. the brain is. like there's so much we don't know and I. think that cannot. be fully explained and probably never. will be explained and that's probably. you know faith but um. I'm with you you know it's like I just I. don't think. any I don't think that we are aware of. our full. capability you know I've I've dove into.

the subject several times with the. psychic type stuff and the remote. viewers and stuff like that and the I. think that's a fascinating subject and. you know there's of course there's. everybody else who claims it and and. which is just complete [ __ ] but. but yeah I think that the the human mind. is capable of so much more than we can. even fathom. Yeah. you know, and it's I. think it's been dubbed down just from.

century to century to century into into. what we are today. But but I mean and a. lot of those guys talk about it, you. know, like how how they think that it. may have happened and but yeah, and and. I use I mean I just. in a weird way I use that in business. and what I'm doing and there are no. [ __ ] limits, you know, and and um. like we're just capable of so much and. we put these false limitations on.

ourselves and and trap ourselves in. these little prison. Y you know and and a lot of people we. all suffer from it somewhat right but. some a lot more than others but we just. anyways yeah I just I think that we are. capable of so much more than what we're. doing and uh if you can wrap your head. around that and start to realize there. are no limitations then.

amazing things can be accomplished and. you're doing that by the way so. congratulations. But let's lighten it up a little bit. Yeah. So, you moved to California. You. start getting into acting. Yeah. So, I. um at least I think that's lighting up. I don't know how you feel about. California. Maybe. No, California is. fine. No, I spent so I spent 10 years of. my life there. It's like I think of my. childhood in Chattanooga and that is. where the most formative things in my.

entire life happened. You know, it's. where I lost my brother. I mean, it's. just like that's I'm rooted there in so. many. ways. Um, but I my adolescence was spent. in LA and my mom was born there and my. they had lived in California prior to me. being born. They lived in Northern. California. So, in a lot of ways for her. it was just, you know, going back home. Um, yeah. I started I mean that had to. be a culture shock, right? Oh, completely. Went from Chattanooga, Tennessee. I hated it to LA. You hated.

LA. Well, I loved what I was doing. because I I didn't ever think of acting. as a job. I didn't think of it as a job. until I was like 15 and started when I. was going into college and had to start. thinking of it as like a career and a. job. And then I was like, "Oh, I don't.". It was just fun. Again, it was like you. go through something so intense as a. small child and you have nowhere to put. that emotion and to have something. that allowed me to, you know, walk. around in somebody else's shoes and to.

kind of. safely express things I didn't feel. comfortable expressing in our home. Like. I would after my brother died, I would. hide in cabinets. really. Like I would like I would go in. the kitchen cupboard and like shut the. door. There's like a cabinet in our. house in North Chattanooga where I would. do it. There was a house uh a cabinet in. uh on Signal Mountain where I would do. it and I would lock my like I was just a. shut. down and acting gave me the Hold on. Why. would you go in the cabinet? I was just. wanted to be alone. I was safer. You.

felt be somewhere that was like my own. space. There's like. I mean I still do that sometimes. You. still lock yourself in a cup? Not in a. not in a cupboard. But like there was a. there was a day I was working on the. show and I just felt so. like like last week I felt so. overwhelmed and it was like every noise. in the house was just. like too much and I went and I literally. sat in my dark closet closed the door. didn't turn the light on and just. finished writing the show and I was like.

I just have to. be you kind of like turn stuff off and I. think I felt that at a very young age of. there was so much noise like emotional. noise there There was my brother, there. was my mom and dad grieving individually. and fighting and a lot of change and I. felt like I didn't have something of my. own. Um, and it being a small confined. space just felt like that pressure of. like this is. safe. and acting gave me the ability to I.

guess be. big to like express things in a way that. I wasn't able to express. Like I my mom. would always say like I would go on. stage and become like an animal. Like I. would just like light up. I loved being. able to not be. Brett and be somebody else and. experience their experiences. That's why. I love doing things on stage. And you. know I went I love theater. Theater is. my first love I would say. And ended up. going to LA. And the reason why I went.

to LA is because if you're under 18 and. you want to be on Broadway, there are. height limits. You can't be taller than. 5t most of the time. And I was super. tall. like grew like a string bean. So. the manager that I had written a letter. to at 8 years old saying I want to be on. Broadway was like you can go home to. Chattanooga and you can just keep doing. regional theater and maybe audition for. a show here and there or you can go to. LA if you want to keep acting cuz you. are 5'2 and you're 11 years old and. you're not going to be hired for.

anything. You've got seven years to kill. basically because they won't. And the. reason for that is when you're at the. very back of the house on stage, they. want you to look significantly smaller. than the adults on stage. There can be. no confusion about whether you are an. adult or you whether you are a child on. screen or on stage. So it makes sense. But that was heartbreaking for me cuz I. all I wanted to do is be on Broadway. I. was like at 8 years old you knew you. wanted to be on Broadway. Oh yes. I was. like that's what I want to do. We would.

go see Broadway shows. It would like. come through Atlanta. to go drive up and. see them. I was like, "That is what I. want to do." Would you act just as an. 8-year-old just playing around? I mean, yeah. So, yeah. What would you do? I. would act out things in our front yard. I was constantly writing stories. And. the funny thing is I we went and saw. theater. We didn't have television in. our house. We had ATV and I was allowed. We were talking about this last night. I. was allowed to watch the Andy Griffith. Show and I Love Lucy and that was all. So, it wasn't like I was watching movies. and TV shows like I want to be on Disney. Channel or whatever it was, but I just I.

read constantly. I love stories. At the. end of the day, what drives me more than. anything in like this career still today. in acting is a love of story. Is. understanding why people do the things. that they do, how stories change us. I've been personally positively impacted. by stories, whether they be through. literature or on stage or on film, of. seeing yourself in a character or being. able to put yourself in their shoes and. that being an incredibly. transformative.

experience. Um, and for me, politics is. storytelling because it's all about. human nature. I think that's why I am. interested in it because it's, you know, it's reality TV, it's a, you know, Shakespeare tragedy, whatever, depending. on the day. Those can kind of be. interchanged a bit, but it is about. story and I love every day getting on my. show and being able to tell a story and. bring people in and weave that together. and take them along on this journey and. have a beginning, middle, and end and. hopefully leave them changed at the end.

and like have them think about something. in a different light or feel something. through me telling this story. And that's why I loved acting. So I. didn't at, you know, 11 years old, I. didn't care if it was on stage or on. film. I was like, I just want to tell. stories. I just want to act. So it was. both a hobby and an escape. Yes. I don't think I could have like said. that at 10 years old. It was just like. You didn't realize it was an escape. I. was just like, I love to act. When did. you realize it was an escape? I think a lot of things collect for me.

around 13 years old. 13, 14. It's. when stuff really took off with my. parents. Divorce got messy. It's when my. brother Reed had his first psychotic. break. It was when I think I just became. a lot more self-aware as all of those. things were happening. And I think. that's when I kind of realized like, oh, this is why I love. it cuz I'm not me. And that was also why. starting to do things on camera for like.

this whatever industry I've ended up in. of like this like cultural commentary. whatever it is. It was so weird for me. because I was I was just being Brett. Being Brett was very hard. It was the. reason why I never sang in public. My. first professional job actually was. singing. First time I was ever paid was. to be in the Atlanta Symphony Opera. production of Lavoam. I'm a classically. trained singer. I've been doing it the. longest out of any of these things just. because I was in like choir when I was. younger. And to this day, I am petrified.

of singing in. public because it's it's me. Like I can. sing in a musical and I can be a. character and I'm on this ride of, you. know, whatever character I'm playing. I'm, you know, getting through the. entire show, beginning, middle, and end. I'm not Brett. I'm this person. But if. you ask me to get up on stage and just. sing you a song, it is like I have like. stripped down. And I might be better at. it now that I've gotten so comfortable. of like I'm sitting here. I'm just being. Brett streamed to millions of people.

It's like, you know, I have however many. billions of views over the last 3 years. So I've gotten more comfortable with it. But I spent over 10 years avoiding just. being Brett and being a character. because it helped. me. I think that helped me understand me. more. Do you think you still have a lot. of walls up? Yeah, for sure. I've gotten. so I mean I would have never cried in. front of. you five six years ago. I remember the. first time that I ever cried in front of.

somebody. I was sitting at the Burbank. Public Library sitting outside in the. grass having a picnic with one of my. good friends at the time in LA and. something had happened with my. brother and that was the first time I. ever cried in front of somebody that was. not my. mom. like even like showing any kind of. emotion in that regard. Terrified of. letting people. in. Could not like I felt like I'd been. burned enough by my dad. I couldn't let. him in. I don't think like he wanted to. let me in. either.

Um I was just. like was really having a hard time. uh processing things. Have you ever thought about. psychedelics? No, I'm terrified of them. Why? The things that could go wrong. I. think my brother is I don't think my. brother did them well. But I look at my. brother who has basically tried every. single drug in the. book and didn't do anything that was. intentional or for.

healing. And so I I think I've my. impression has been tainted by that. But. we were even were like talking last. night of like maybe that would be good. for him to go do something that is. intentional and tailored. for healing. Um maybe it would be good. for you. I know. What I did do though. was um you ever heard of EM EMDR? Mhm. And that was kind of the And that's not. even close to psychedelics, but that was. probably the most transformative thing I.

ever did in. therapy. I don't think I and that was. like I wouldn't be able to be here. having this conversation with you. without that of like tapping into things. that I. had never even considered. processing or thinking about the way. that they impacted me and my childhood. And there were so many things that I had. forgotten that in doing that. therapy and I did multiple different. kinds. I did the rapid eye movement. which is harder for me. What ended up.

really working are the eggs that they. like put in your hands that are little. vibrating things and you hold them and. they go. ch and that was super I mean it was like. I locked in immediately and it was like. floodgates floodgates of everything I. watched and saw. and even things were relatively recent. that I was you know that was going on. with. my brother and his schizophrenia of. stuff that I just didn't consider didn't. time it was like so normal to me at that. Okay.

So, that was the thing about. psychedelics is the walls completely. come down. Mhm. And scary. It is until you do it. Mhm. But they can they. completely come. down and there's aspects of yourself. that you never realized were there. You. you find out who you are. Mhm. And. because the walls come down and some of. the walls I think at least with myself,

you know, I you don't even realize. certain walls are up because they've. been up so damn long. Yeah. And then. when they. completely go away. Mhm. You find a lot of things out about. yourself. Might be something to look. into. Maybe not. I don't know. Could go. with my brother. Would I? I said no. I. could go with my brother. That could be really good. Yeah, that. could be really good. Mhm. Did we talk.

about this on your show? Can't remember. No, I don't think so. Yeah, I did. it. And I didn't realize I had all these. walls up and it just changed it changed. the entire trajectory of my life. Mhm. And it was already, it was going like. this, but with my family, with my wife,

with my son at the time, you know, I. didn't have my daughter yet. And it. helped me be in the more in the moment. It helped me be more open with my wife. It took a lot of the fear that I didn't. even realize I. had business-wise. And then my business went straight up. Yeah, because I realized I wasn't. beholden to anybody. Mhm. And all the fears of.

Well, you know, the fears, the fears of. being in the limelight and and having. millions of people following you and. feeling beholden to an audience. I mean, all of that [ __ ] went away. It all. [ __ ] went away, man. And uh I'm just. I'm a huge proponent of it. I've seen so. many people turn their lives around with. get rid of addictions, anxieties, depression, um post-traumatic stress, all that kind.

of stuff, man. Like the walls come down. and your life trajectory just it's you. find out who you are and you lean into. that and it it it. it also kind of reassures that your. intuition is pretty much right on the. money. Yeah. But yeah, probably good with I don't. think I'm somebody that's. super. anxious, but there is. a perfectionism that is ingrained in me.

I think when you um then I really I mean. even yesterday on Alex's and my drive to. dinner I was just like I don't even know. what set it off. but I'm such. a my entire childhood between David's. death and my parents divorce. and my dad is somebody that. um desperately wanted to please and. could never really please and And there.

was so much going on that I was. constantly a. peacemaker. And I it's ironic that I do. what I do, but I rocking the boat in my. personal life is incredibly difficult. I. can stand up to people in business. I've. done really hard things when it comes to. career and business. I've taken a lot of. risks. I put myself out there. But when. it comes to like my personal life, there. are like little minute things of where I. feel like I'm going to let somebody down. and disappoint them that I'm like I. allow myself to be a doormat because I'm.

so terrified of the repercussions of not. of being too loud of being and again I. think that goes back to acting of like. it gave me the opportunity to be. big to be 100% me even though I was like. playing another character. I went from. being in this house where I felt like I. had to be in this like I had to put. myself in this cupboard, make myself. small. So because everybody else was. dealing with much bigger things, I was. like I remember thinking that as a kid. like I'm whatever I'm going through, it's not as important and I'm I was.

aware enough of. that and I just desperately wanted to. keep the peace. I was like, if I can fix. this situation, if I can just keep. people like together and happy and like. we can just walk on eggshells, we can. get through this. and maybe they won't fight, maybe he. won't drink, maybe Reed won't do. XYZ. And I think I still carry that. And. it's just it's so ironic because I get. online and I especially 3 years ago when. I was first starting, shared things were.

very controversial. I think now I it's. more culturally acceptable to talk about. what we talk about and what I do on the. show, but 3 years ago it's like ironic. that I have so I carry so much weight. and anxiety in my personal life. Like I. and this is why Alex I'm so. like he's the greatest. man of I could. not like let him be angry at me. not. even be angry, but just to like oh bro, why like. I was.

petrified. I couldn't like I don't even. know how to describe it of like I didn't. even want to take a like one misstep. And I think another person would have. seen that and kind of rolled with it and. been like great, she's going to do. whatever I want. And he looked at that. and he was like that is inhibited. That's like a problem that you can't. even that you burst into tears and are. hysterically crying at the thought of. disappointing me over you burned chicken. for dinner. And I was just. like cuz I this person that I respected.

and loved so much already early on in. our relationship and I was like you're. just another person I can't let down. I. can't let you down. He was like it's a. chicken. It's like if you can't even and. that's probably the thing that my mom. and looking at our relationship has had. like the most gratitude. for Alex for helping me with is standing. up for myself in family in work. I don't. think I would have. done anything I did in the last 12.

months without him. I don't think I would be as confident in. my family. and navigating the relationships. and anything in my personal life without. having that person who looked at me and. went that's really not normal. Like what. happened to you to make you. think that this is so but I still like. I've gotten a lot better but I still. will just like be set off. I had another. like chicken incident the other day. where I opened a package of chicken and.

it was mislabeled and I was like had. this recipe that I was making for dinner. and I thought it was one kind of chicken. and I opened it up and it wasn't and I. was just like like oh no it's all going. to be ruined and I like threw the. package of chicken and I was like oh my. god it's whatever he came home from the. gym and he was like what the hell have I. like walked into and I was like you're. going to like be disappointed. Um and. then it was like five minutes later I. was like oh I'm doing it again aren't. I? the lights just. flickered. Um, and you hear that and. you're.

like, and you but I'm in like the most. loving, supportive relationship with the. most like he's so eventempered. That's. one of the things that I love most about. he's like. unflapable. He has like had the most. normal, healthy family. They're incred. I love my. in-laws. that he met this girl who was. like has been through all of this stuff. and he's, you know, absolutely. undeterred and is so. steady and never looked at it as like.

you're broken, you're whatever. It's. just like this. is like your life will be better if you. Anyway, so that's probably what I would. It's interesting. Help me with that cuz. you're overconfident. You know what I. mean? Maybe not overconfident, you're. very confident. The Brett Cooper that we. all know is very confident. I'm. incredibly there's like nothing I can't. do in my mind. Then behind the scenes, you're very self-conscious. Yeah. which. I feel like to an extent is like a. healthy balance because I not the way.

that it manifests in like my very. personal life where I still am having to. that's such like a weird lefty like. psychological term but like unlearning. those things but I'm having to let go of. that cuz I'm not in a relationship or an. environment where that's going to hurt. me anymore or I'm going to feel any. repercussions for that. I don't need to. keep a boat steady anymore and I still. like will have moments where I feel. that. Um, so that part of it isn't healthy and. I know that. But I do think there's. something to be said for when I go to.

work, when I turn on the camera, when. I'm talking about the things that I care. about, that I know are good for people. that I believe in, that I believe in. truth, that my voice doesn't waver, that. I have lofty goals for myself, that I. think about my brother, I'm going to. live for both of us. I'm going to do all. these things. I'm never going to say no. to an opportunity. I'm going to take a. huge. risk. And then but I also go home and I. know that I'm like I'm not really the. [ __ ] I'm not the most important person. in the world. I don't think that I am.

I'm not in it. for fame or power, money, whatever it. is. I genuinely love what I do. I love. telling. stories. So, I think there's an aspect. of it that's I think probably has helped. me a little bit, but the self-conscious. aspect of it certainly doesn't. You're a wise woman, man. I'm being. serious. especially for 23 years old, but just in general, you're very wise. And you know, it's it's super impressive. to me that that's how you've taken your.

brother's death is living for him. And I. mean this just something we talk about. so much uh right here because we we talk. about a lot of loss cuz my background. and a lot of the guest background being. military special operations we just it's. just part of it and it's powerful. I'm. not the only person who comes on here. and breaks down and cries. It's you have. a something in this room. Well, the.

thing is a lot of people will take death. and they will they'll take the loss of a. loved one and it will debilitate their. entire existence, you know. And when people ask me for advice on, you know, how to deal with loss or I ask. a guest on how to deal with loss to. include you at 23 having been through it. at five. I. mean, it's like that's how you have to look at.

it. That's how you That's how you have. to look at it. Do Do you think that. person would want to watch you suffer? Yeah. And mourn and and. and ruin your entire life out of grief. And. no, man, that's not what they would. want. They would want you to win. They. would want you to live your life to the. fullest. And so I think it's just. amazing that you've already figured that. out and it sound like you figured it out. a long time ago. And um so I don't know.

how. Good for you. Shocks me. Intuition, man. Yeah. Powerful. It's. very It's genuinely thinking back and. now looking at kids that I meet that. were, you know, this age and looking at. young people and knowing that at 12, 13. years old, I was tangibly thinking I'm. going to break a cycle. That's. weird. So, I mean, it's powerful, but. it's like I was thinking that already. It's not normal. No, it shouldn't be.

weird. That should be I wish that for. any young person. That's, you know, I. haven't I didn't have the worst. childhood in the world. I had something. that was very abnormal and it was very. hard. But I know that there are a lot of. kids that have gone through far worse. things and very different things. And. we've all had our own different walks of. life. And I think that there are some of us. that see again that see that as fuel and. that are given the gift of being able to. be like chronically self-aware or just. aware of your situations to have.

that light bulb moment. But I was. articulating that in my mind and other. people. I remember talking to my like. Sunday school teacher at a young age and. being like, I will not replicate what. I've. seen cuz there was so much. unhappiness and so. much my parents are both brilliant. individuals and that marriage held them.

back in a magnitude of ways and there. was so much unhappiness. already. And then adding in my brother's. deaf. death, adding in, you know, schizophrenic diagnosis, adding in my. father's major depressive disorder, adding in suicide attempts into our. family. I was like, I'm not I'm going to. do everything I can cuz I knew there's.

more to life than that. Did you go through family suicide. attempts at a young age or is this later. on? No. Yeah. Did you know that? Mhm. What was the first one? 12, 13 that like those. years [ __ ] went down basically.

Um yeah, my. dad. There was a lot leading up to. that. Um of threats of it and my mom had dealt. with that. That was something she didn't. share. I think she was right to I don't. think it's my right to even share that. here and talk about his family cuz that. was very. personal. and they worked they.

she fought those battles in private. It. was a heavy weight to. carry and then yeah. around I was 12. 13 it was there wasn't any hiding it. It. was in front of us. and not you know physically but it was. we were involved. I was driving around. Chattanooga with my brother Reed at 3:00. a.m. looking for him, standing on the.

Chattanooga walking bridge, wondering if. he had jumped cuz we had no idea where. he went. We knew he was somewhere. Jeez. So, there's incredible unhappiness. This was common. Mhm. That was the only. time. that I think a step was taken and that I. was that my brother and I were involved.

and brought into kind of the circle of. it. Where did you find him? He came home. How did you know it was a suicide. attempt? Gave us postcards as he walked out the. door. He gave everybody a. postcard. I couldn't really understand. it until he put the pieces together. And.

um they're very. ominous and I uh you know how I was. telling you at dinner last night that I. had a Nancy Drew fixation and I would go. I busted my brother's high school party. and that kind of thing and I anyway we. were given these um I guess I went back. into Nancy Drew mode. We're given these. postcards and um I was like something's. not right. My mom was super confused.

Reed and I were watching some movie on. the couch. He walked out of his office, gave us a postcard, gave my mom a. postcard, and left. Didn't say a. word. And again, I was just like, "Something's not right." I started. looking around the house and I found. a manila envelope with a suicide. note on his bedside. table with all of his information, will.

testament. And I brought that into my. mom and we called the police. Holy. [ __ ] I'm so grateful he didn't do it. What was it like when he came. home? I ignored him. I was so.

angry. I don't think he wanted to see us. anyway. He went straight to my mom. And then looking back, I don't. know. I adored him because I was so. hurt. I just went into my room. I don't. even know the right. You don't know how. to handle that till 13 years. old. I don't know what I did was right. But I really shut him out after the. fact. And we already had, even at that.

young age, we were like, cuz I'm so much. like my. mom. And I've often wondered if he saw. that and kind of resented it because. they had so many problems and he wanted. me to be something that she wasn't and. that I wasn't. There was already a lot. of anger there and a lot of. hurt. I'd been let down a. lot. He wasn't super. involved. And that was. when I started asking questions. I think.

I was probably 13. I need to get my. dates right cuz that kind of led into. that whole period of all the curtains. were pulled. back. That's when I learned. about his family and everything he had. gone through and suddenly it all made. sense. And even with understanding that. and going through the process of. learning it over those years after the. fact, I was it was.

like it was just really hurtful. But I often wonder again, what's the. best way to as a kid, what do you. do? I felt so much guilt and like did I. should I have, you know, that goes into. the whole doormat kind of thing. Should. I just have tried more? Should I been. what he wanted? Should I not. have should I have kept the peace more? Is there anything I could have done? Did.

I cause any of this? cuz there was so much anger and that I. was so. hurt that he would have attempted to do. such a. thing. Um, and it really made things. hard after. that. Cozy Earth products are designed. to transform your 5 to9 the time that. matters most into you time at the. coziest sanctuary. Cozy Earth's.

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time. But again, I look back and. I was that right? But I mean it was like fireworks and I. just. couldn't. That's when I went into. therapy around that. time. So I had that I had, you know, was. living in California still act I would. spend 6 months at home, 6 months in. California. He stopped coming out to. visit. My um brother was full. schizophrenia in and out of hospitals.

homeless. There was so much going on and. I. just had to shut everything out. It took a long again. It's. like in a way moving back to Nashville. or moving back to. Tennessee is what I needed in a lot of. ways. I needed to meet Alex. I think I. needed. to be closer to my dad. I needed to.

leave my mom. I had spent basically. every waking moment with her. We were. probably a little too connected. I think. there was some codependency that we. needed to let go of cuz we had been. through like [ __ ]. together. It was like me and. her through suicide and divorce. and schizophrenia and death and an. acting career, what like living in a. tiny LA apartment. And I think that I. needed to literally move across the.

country and unwind some of that. and she knows this and I feel. comfortable saying it, but I I became a. spouse to. her. She was super lonely as you would. be and I took on a lot of that. weight for her and I wouldn't change. that cuz she really needed it. But I had. to get here and. separate. And it gave me the chance to.

connect with my dad as an. adult in a way that I hadn't been able. to with a lot of just like I'm going to. let it go. How did you reconnect with. him? I mean, after all that, it was very clunky. What was the initial. I mean, I told him that I was moving. back and. he drove up to Nashville, helped me move. into my first rental house. It was so. uncomfortable. I was so We were both so. awkward. How long had it been since. you'd seen him? Couple of years. How long had it been since you talked to.

him? A. while. Yeah, it was very hard. It still is. I. don't think I'm I think I could be a lot. better. still. I think. now I have let go. of expectations that I don't think will. ever be.

met. And now I look at him and look at. our family and it's like all right. So. we're all here. This is the My mom would. always say she says this in terms of. family and emotions and politics and. philosophy, but in order to assess. anything, you have to look at your. current reality. can't think of idealism of what you hope. people would be like, of what you hope. the world would be like, of what a. politician you would love for them to. do, of what you hope somebody would do. in your life. You have to look at things.

as they are and go from. there. And I think I'm at a point now. where I look at him, I look at our. family, and I'm like, this is where. we're freaking at. This is what we've. gone through. There's no changing. that. I'm 23 years old now. I don't. You have no financial power over me. You. have no anything. And it's like I have. to look at you as. a human being who has been. hurt, who struggled so much, who I.

probably hurt, and you hurt. me, and just go from. there. cuz the last thing I want to do. is spend the next, you know, and even. when we were really struggling and we. didn't talk, that wasn't what I wanted. It's what I felt like I needed. I think. I needed to block a lot of stuff out and. just assess. everything.

Um, but I didn't see that as being. healthy or right. And I don't want to live a life of. regret of I pushed somebody away that. needed. me. That I'm at a point now where I. think I'm grown enough, I'm mature. enough, I have my ducks in a. row that we can have an adult. relationship and not have the kind of. father father daughter like it's. never it's never been us. It never will.

be us. But I love him. I want the best for. him. He's given a lot, especially. recently, to my brother who really. struggles. He really showed up for him. in a way. that genuinely took me by. surprise, which was incredibly like I. think healing in a way is that you're. putting somebody else first and you're. giving a lot.

As awkward as it was, did it feel good. that he was there? Yeah. Do you want your dad to show up? What was the conversation? Well, there was nothing of substance. It. was like, "Where do you want your. couch? And I'll help you move this in. and that kind of thing." And we'll he. lived in Nashville when he was really. young. And actually, the neighborhood. that I first lived in was like two. blocks over from where their little. house was. So, that was funny. We talked.

about that. He watches the show. He does. And that was really special. Did he tell you that? Mhm. Took a while, but he did. And he. was I don't know. Hearing that. somebody's proud of you when you've. always wanted to hear. that. Doesn't matter how late it is,

still feels good. I bet he's very proud of you. Yeah. And I think he's doing a lot. better. Again, the most important thing I've learned. from now, there's always something that. you can learn from these situations. They kill you or. they make you better and smarter and. more introspective. but a lot about what works and doesn't.

work in a marriage of finding. compatibility. And then I think with him. the most important thing is finding. purpose. You have to find something that. drives. you cuz a life without isn't very very. lonely. You have to get over yourself to. pour into people and get over your own. [ __ ] And I think. having a career or something that drives.

you helps you kind of get out of your. own head and your own issues. And I. think it was just a domino effect of all. of that and a bad marriage and all that. So, it's Yeah, it's funny cuz I was. sometimes I was reading a Reddit post at. one point somebody had sent me about me. and it was like does have daddy issues? Like I had no idea. It's like I guess she's like become you. know she speaks about it in a way that. is like she's learned from it and.

that's that's what I. always I would never say I have daddy I. think I have family issues I think as. all of us do. I think we all have things. that impacted our childhood. Um but it was really helpful for me to. hear stories like. this. You know, I love coming of age. novels and I love family drama. And I. think the reason why I loved it and. hearing, you know, stories spoken in. this way cuz it made me feel less crazy.

It's like nobody's family is. perfect. Even meeting my husband of. like outside perfect family. They all. love each. other. I was so stressed the first day I. met his parents. I was like, I don't. even know how to operate in like a. functional people love each other. You. all are like functional. You're all. productive members of society. This is. great. And then you beat him and you're. like, "Oh, no. You've all got your. you've got your [ __ ]. too. Everybody's going through. something. You have no idea the weight.

people carry." What's something you. would want your dad to know about you? What would you want to tell him? I'd want to tell him that I forgive him. and. uh that I desperately wanted to make him.

happy. I think he he spent a lot of. our, you know, my time growing up with. him butting. heads and being in totally different. realities kind of of like you're just in. totally different plains of. existence. They're like ships in the. night. or uh and it was. rare. At a very young age, we had a. great relationship. You know, my. earliest memories are being in the.

hiking backpack. You might have one with. your kids where they like sit above your. head and picking wild blueberries and. blackberries on Orcus Island and he. would do warm mo milk and poetry and we. would sit in front of the fire and he. would warm up milk and he would have. like coffee or tea and he'd read out. loud to me. The reason why I love. stories is because of. him. Then I think when I became older. and more headstrong and we went through. my brother's death and just so much. changed that changed our relationship. dramatically. I've never stopped loving.

him. That we thought constantly and a. lot of it was rooted in I'm just trying. to make you happy. I better love to hear that. You want to go to California now? Yeah. Let's do it. Nice. So, you got to. California. Yeah. Was. acting. Yeah. I I love it. There's very few things that I love as.

much as acting. Again, it goes back to. story. It goes back to storytelling and. escape. Uh industry is not for me. I. mean, you got into it. So, you got into. it by writing letters as an 8-year-old. Yeah. And painting pictures, really ugly. pictures. I wrote a letter to a manager. who would was representing a ton of kids. on Broadway. Said, "I want to be Jane. Banks, Mary Poppins." They were on. Broadway at the time. And I drew a. picture of myself on stage. My mom.

helped me make little velvet curtains. that went on the poster board and it was. me in my face. My I had a bowl cut with. bangs, my b my bowl cut in the Jane. Banks costume on a stage. And I sent it. to him and he had that up on his wall. for like 10 years, however long I was. working with him. He was like, "Nobody. has ever like this was so wild. Nobody's. ever done this." But I knew what I. wanted. I was like, "I want to figure. out how to make this happen." And I. found him by watching YouTube. videos of interviews with young people.

that were on Broadway of these like, you. know, 8 to 15 year olds. And I started. putting the pieces together. I was like, he's in all of these videos. He. represents all of these people. Damn. Yeah. I'm was I was in it. It's like. that always sunny meme where he has the. I was like putting all the pieces. together. People talk about that with. conspiracy theories. I was like, how do. I get on Broadway? Um, yeah. And. I and I just I chased it. Then my mom. was like, "I don't want to take you to. LA. This sounds awful." And I begged. I.

begged. I begged. I begged. And so we. would try it here and there. We would do. like 3 months at the beginning of the. year, which is called pilot season when. all the shows are getting green lit. And. then we'd go home for the summer. And. then I'd come back in what's called. episodic season when all the shows then. are working. They're running and you. have guest stars and recurring roles and. that kind of thing. and would audition. for. those. And you. know, it's funny, all the hate comments. that I get from people, they'll usually. go back to acting. They're like, "Oh,

you're a failed like D-list actor." It's. like, "Yeah, I didn't become, you know, Zenaia or whatever.". Um, but I worked consistently. Like, I. was able to cover an apartment. I put. money away to be able to buy a car at 16. and help myself through college. and uh. you know paid for my acting classes like. my parents didn't just give me. my money to just like go spend at a. young age was put into an account. There's you know Kougan accounts where.

the state takes 15% that I received when. I became 18. Um and uh we put all of. that back into acting. So acting. classes, improv classes, dance classes. She never wanted me to feel like it was. a job or like I was benefiting it, you. know, from it because. like what 10-year-old should be making. tens of thousands of dollars working on. TV shows? That's a mind [ __ ] And you. emancipated yourself at 15. 15. Yeah. And that was for a myriad of reasons. It.

was family was the root of. it. because my parents' divorce was. incredibly hostile and went on for a. long time and it got to the point that I. was being used as a. pawn of um I was 15 years old and there. was. like if you give me custody I'll give. you your money back or whatever it is. and. you know my dad was like you need to. come back to Tennessee and live with me.

And it was just like I became used in. that way. And. um didn't like the feeling. And I don't think my mom liked it. That. wasn't how she wanted to end that. marriage. And again, I think my dad felt. really out of. control. And I just wanted to remove. myself from the equation. I was like, you don't get to use me in. this. So that was a big part of it cuz I. was, you know, I was working. I was. working as an actor. I was about to.

graduate um about to graduate high. school. I had a full-time job at Trader. Joe's because I always worked outside of. acting to make sure I had, you know, fun. money cuz I didn't use any of my acting. money. That was all just in other. accounts. So, if I wanted to go hang out. with a friend or buy a dress or. whatever, I had to, you know, babysit. and go work Trader Joe's, whatever it. was, I could cover, you know, living in. an apartment with a roommate. And um how. do you find a roommate at age 15? I had.

a good friend of the family from Atlanta. like at a summer camp that I had gone to. and she was a couple years older and she. was moving out to LA right around the. time that I had emancipated myself. So. she moved into the apartment that my mom. and I had shared and um so I emancipated. myself. Another big part was my. brother's psychosis was really hard. It. was. um it had gotten pretty. violent.

and my mom was kind of torn in a million. different directions of the divorce was. happening in Tennessee. I was in LA. My. brother was in LA because he had had. been bounced around and struggled and. went to India for three years to find. himself and again did every drug in the. book and came back. just completely different and really did. not get along with my dad. They had a. huge falling out and he came out to LA. and just continued to struggle. So, he.

was homeless at the time. and I had some concerns with. like that sounds bad saying it out loud, but like. CPS. Oh, I didn't want like it was it. was not a good. environment. And I was in therapy at the. time and there were just like again, you. know, this isn't normal. like the person that lives in the. bedroom next to you having, you know, hearing voices and having a psychotic. break. and knives pulled.

and chasing through streets. And you. know, he when somebody is going through. psychosis, they are not the person that. you know and they don't see. you as your sister or as their sister or. their mother. They treat you. differently. and they would think of you as a. girlfriend, an enemy, and whatever. whatever was. happening, can't control.

it. And I just felt like I had all of. this autonomy. I had so much control in. one part of my life. I was like, I have. a a career, I guess, because I've been. acting and I make money, but I'm I'm. about to go to college. I was about to. turn it was the summer before I turned. 16. I graduated high school. I was had this. like worked the you know 6 a.m. shift at. Trader Joe's every day. Worked 6 to2. And um but I'm basically like this.

adult. And yet, you know, I couldn't go. work on set without my mom. When you're. under 18, for good reason. Your parents. have to be within eyesight and near. shot. And at the time, I was working on. that TV show Heathers and they had. planned a second season that was going. to be shooting internationally. And that. was in the middle of all of this. And I. was like, how am I going to. get how am I going to be able to work. and do this when there's a war happening. in Tennessee that my mom has to.

handle when there is a a different kind. of battle here with her other child that. she has to manage and I was just bounced. in between it. And I think that there's. part of me that hears me saying that and. is like that's so selfish to be like I'm. just going to remove myself from it. But. I had the means to do. that. Um and I think it made it easier on. everyone too of like there was a weight. lifted off. of my mom cuz there was just so much. legality.

of again if anything ever happened with. my brother and I. Wow. And if I got wrapped into this. custody thing when I was like on the. cusp of adulthood and was making strides. again was about to start. college and so it was on it was not. contested. I didn't go to court and. bring my family in like I hate all of. you. I'm leaving. It was just like I. even had a conversation with my dad. It. was a hard. conversation, but I had a conversation.

with both of them and they were both. very in support of it. And I was like, I. can't be in the middle of this. battle. I've done it for too. long and I'm not leaving you. I'm not. saying I don't want to be around you. I'm not saying I don't want to be in. this. family, but clearly you have crap that. you need to work through. I don't want. to even say it's crap. It was heavy, heavy things in their lives. and I just need to be let go. And it was.

a very, you. know, it's not a it's not something I. suggest. I wouldn't go around and say, "If you're having a hard time, just go. emancipate yourself." Like, I was it was. a very unique situation. It's a very. heavy thing. Um, my oldest brother, that's when we got really close, had to. be brought into it as like an advocate. and you know if everything failed and. fell apart and I couldn't make money. anymore I was going to go you know live. with him or he was like I'll come out to. California and I'll take care of you but. I just was literally like two coasts. these these like battles and both of my.

parents I think acknowledged when they. were confronted with. it that it was like we are putting you. in the center of things that you you. know your future at this age when so. much is about to open up for you. shouldn't be dictated. by what's going on. here and it really in a lot of ways it. didn't change how we navigated our. family. Like I was still super close to. my mom when their divorce was finalized. She moved back to California. She bought. a. home, moved back in. My brother would,

you know, come in and out depending on. when he was in a hospital when he wasn't. homeless. I saw my brother. constantly. He was homeless in Pasadena. for years and I would go out and find. him. I was telling you last night he. uh he loves fine cheeses and so I would. go and take him to Whole Foods and with. his like shopping cart of things and. would buy him the things that he wanted. I would go like literally like find him. in the park wherever he was. Um so it's it's a very like it's a it.

was a nuance thing. I didn't say screw. you. I don't want to be in this family. anymore. I'm never going to speak to. you. It was I need to be legally. released from the liabilities of being. in this. mess of being taken from you and put. into a system at 15 years old because of. things that are going on that I don't. want to say I could have handled but. that I felt I mean I'd been going. through it for a while and I could have. you know I was able to remove myself. from the situation in many ways um but.

through CPS and stuff with my brother. and you know I don't want the liability. of your divorce and this being messy and. a a judge. dictating where I go and what I do when. this is your. war and I'm paying for my own life, man. And I'm graduating high school at 15. years old and you're about to tell. me that everything that now, you know, my life could be because of my brother.

or because of a divorce. Um, so it just it protected, you know, it removed the u the protections of. being a minor that for me ended up I I. think we're more of a danger in that. Not a danger, but that were it was going. to make things very. difficult. Um, so it was a I think it. was a very important thing, but again, I. don't I don't recommend it. It's very. severe.

Um, I mean, do you hear yourself right now? Yes. I mean, it's at 15. It's crazy. With everything you've been through, you. graduate high school, you emancipate. yourself, you have a full-time job at. Trader Trader Joe's and a full-time. acting career, and you're caring for. your schizophrenic brother. Yeah. I mean, for that summer when I. managed myself, he was homeless. He was. refusing to take meds.

My mom had kicked him out, you know, before that and I emancipated myself and. she went home to deal with the divorce. and to divide their assets and help my. dad sell the house because he had to. move out and her going back there, I. think, helped make it less contentious. It was really hard when they were apart. So, she had to go handle that and kind. of close that. chapter. And um so it was just me and. Reed and some days it was funny and go. sit with him. and his dudes in their shopping cart.

There's a. uh there's the main street in Pasadena, California. There's a place called Earth. Cafe for anybody who lives in LA. And. then across the street there's a church. and then there's like a shopping strip. mall. there's an alley and that's where. he. slept with a couple of other guys all. with their shopping. carts. And so I would go bring him like. a little gift bag like here's some water. like I'm not I haven't given up on.

you. And sometimes it was funny and just. like I was with him and some days he. would. be, you know, passed out in front of the. target. Me not knowing whether it was an. overdose, whether it was heat stroke cuz. it was, you know, August in Southern. California. Uh getting calls from people. in his homeless community that had. little flip phones saying and I one of. my my community college was in Pasadena. So I just so happened.

to that was not really intentional but I. went to Pasina City College for a lot of. my community college classes that in. Santa Monica College but you I would get. calls when I was leaving school from his. best homeless friend Jason being like. Reed really needs you and I would have. to go find him. and yeah there's one time when he was. um high on. something pretty I'm pretty sure it was. meth and was sitting on top of the.

rubble of a recently demolished house. saying that he was Jesus when nobody. could get him. down. And so when you talk about. grief again in like talking to people. and saying you know what advice do you. have grief isn't just about. death. I grieved my brother David. I. grieved the life that I didn't have with.

him. I grieved his actual existence and. I grieved my brother Reed because he's. nowhere near the person that I grew up. with. I don't know if he ever will be. Like I was sitting with him last week at. visitation hours at his psych. hospital and I see it in his eyes and he. has this like he has a twinkle that he's. always had and he's.

very smirky. He's always been very. mischievous. Everybody loves. him. Like even just like sitting in the. little like cafeteria and watching. nurses and people walk by and they're. all like, "Oh, you're Reed, sister. Like. we love. Reed." But he's there's a lot of him. that's. gone. He doesn't speak anymore. Sometime. in the last 3 years, he stopped. speaking. So when he's out of the. hospital and he has his phone, he will.

communicate through text or he'll write. something in his notes app and show me. um in the hospital he doesn't have his. phone um especially in an involuntary. hold. Um so he has a little notepad and. so we you know sat for an hour talking. and writing things back and. forth. Um but I've had to I. think let go of the hope that he'll. be who I knew as a kid. I don't think.

that's fully gone. There's always part. of me that's like, "What. if?" If if he did psychedelics, if he. woke up one day and said, "I am going to. make I'm going to change my diet. I'm. going to change my lifestyle." And this. is the thing that's so infuriating is. our medical system basically sets people. like my brother up to fail. And it's this endless cycle. where without his. meds, he's a.

danger to. society. But with the meds, they're. debilitating. And he's so unhappy. And. they pump him, you know, through. That's so dehumanizing. He's like pinned down and.

injected and they caused you know. paralysis and tremors. and you know whatever it may be. Some of. them really scary had cardiac effects. with you know our history was so. scary and nobody ever talks about diet. or lifestyle or other options. He was in an involuntary hold in. Idaho for almost three. years. I didn't see him for three.

years. He stopped speaking somewhere in. there, which I don't blame him. These. places are not they're not like pretty. rehab places. There aren't places like. that. There isn't a place where he can. go like live safely in like a nice. assisted living rehab. If there is, somebody should let me know. Um, they're. like really shitty halfway houses or. psych facilities or you can't. leave or you have no rights. And so I. don't blame them for shutting down,

but you're put on these meds because you. can't function without them and you're. given the crappiest food. And I was so. angry just like last month. And I'm his. guardian, by the way. That was another. thing we dealt with last year of um we. had to fight for so many years. my mom. did to get. information about him. I mean, he would. be arrested, taken to hospitals. We have. no idea where he is. He would be. switched from doctor to doctor to. doctor, literally like trying to chase. him down to get information, not in like.

a we need you back, but of like how. could we help you? We don't even know. where you where you are. Um, and so we finally were approved. guardianship. and Reed knows and I think he was um, happy that it was me. Um, but he trusts. me a lot which I'm really grateful for. But. um, he was released from this. involuntary hold and he was put into he. had a halfway house and seemed to be. doing. better. But you know I was talking with. my mom and it was in Idaho. It was in.

Boisee. He only got to Tennessee. recently. It was a whole other. situation. He had kind of accidentally. got here. Um I had to think maybe it was. a a God thing cuz my mom and I had been. talking if like it'd be really great if. he could get close to you and he just. went missing one day and showed up in. Tennessee. So worked out. But. um the point. being he was there for 3. years. He stopped. speaking and there were no changes to. his diet. He was fed the worst food.

It's hospital food. I was in visiting. hours last week and we were given like. crappy cartons of milk and like Teddy. Grahams and all these studies are coming. out about you know the effects of carb. and carbs and sugar on the brain of the. this has been happening for years of you. know keto diets being. instrumental in keeping schizophrenia at. bay and we have people that. have. literally removed the voices from their.

brain have been able to now they live. totally normal lives, are in. relationships or getting married by. living a very very strict lifestyle and. diet and no doctor has encouraged. that. And it's such a missed. opportunity. It's like he was there for. 3 years and he came out worse, man. And now we're back to square one. and it's this awful cycle. of again. Of course he's getting worse. Like you go into these places. I've been.

visiting him for years at various. different hospitals. It's awful. It's. It's. prison. It's maximum. security of like in order to go back and. visit him, I go through like mazes of. hallways and doors and keys and. whatever. And I have to I can't even. bring him. like socks. Like you're not allowed to. bring anything in because they could. harm themselves. like he's. it's like again I I look at him I'm like. no wonder you stopped.

speaking but what other option is there. and we've brought him home he's lived. with me he's lived with my mom he's. lived on the farm he's tried. everything and it's just a constant. cycle of meds off meds jail hospital. out meds off. meds and I don't know if that'll. have no idea if that'll change. But you. kind of have to find peace with the fact. that maybe that's just again going back.

to like this is the. reality. And. I'm it's not what I hope for him. It's. not what I hope for our family. But. I've, you know, found peace in. that that I want him to know. that I'm never not going to be there. Like even if it's three. years, if you end up in Tennessee in. your first week in an involuntary hold, I'll be.

there. And I think he. um he does a lot of. shame cuz we went through hell together. And I've seen a lot of things that I. think he never wanted me to see. He's done things to me that I think he's. incredibly embarrassed. of and we like don't really talk about. it, but I've tried to let him know as. many times as possible without getting. into it that it's like I know it's not.

you. I'm still going to show up. And it's even harder for my mom, but. with, you. know, I don't want to put words in her. mouth, but I think. that it would be very easy for her to. let go. Um, easier and just to say you, you know, you're not trying to make any changes in. your life. You are taking advantage of.

us. you don't want to use the time when you. were on meds and you're doing better to. try to change something in your. lifestyle to do anything. You would. refuse therapy. Like you would only go. to therapy if I went with him. So, we. did that for a while together, but I had. to go with him. Um, and I think that, you know, my. oldest brother has always advocated more. of like, let him go. If he wants to do a. [ __ ] ton of drugs, if he wants to go be.

crazy and not accept help, let him go be. crazy. You can't control that. And I. think my mom is. like, I'm not a parent. I don't know. what that feels like, but she already. lost. one. So, she's tried to let go. She said. it a ton of times of like, "Get out of. the. house. Like, if you're going to act this. way, go be homeless cuz you can't do. this under my roof." Which she should. have. done. And I give her so much credit for.

10 years. later. She shows up. is at a halfway house and he needs a new. set of clothes and a new, you know, bedroom cuz he has a little room in his. halfway house. She goes and gets it. Damn bread. How do you stay so strong?

I don't know. I think there is. a not a beauty, but there's a there's. kind of an advantage to this going on. for my whole life. basically to where I don't see this as. some catastrophe every time something. happens, which seems like a really. [ __ ] up thing to.

say, but it's like at this point it's. like, okay, That's life. I'll handle it. I don't have to say it's. normal because it's. not. My family's not normal. My. relationship with my brother is far from. what I would hope or. want. But I think I learned really, really early on that life is. messy. And I think it's hard learning. that as a kid. But I also I wouldn't be.

me without it. I think I went. through hit after hit after hit and they. were all very. different. Men just saying, "Okay, I'm. going to pick up the pieces. I'm going. to keep going. What can I learn from. each of these things?". When's the last time you offloaded like. this? My. gosh. A while. Have you ever? Yeah.

How's it feel? feels really. good. I think I did. um earlier on in being with Alex of. there was so much I had to. share and in the back of my mind I was. always kind of. like it's going to scare you. off. Um and it. didn't. I. uh shared a lot of it in.

therapy. Again, that therapist in LA, I. credit her to so much. I wasn't able to. verbalize any of it. And so much of it. hadn't happened at that point. But I was. not able to. even break down what I felt cuz it felt. just. so common place for. me. So, it's been in different periods. I don't make a habit. of carrying around open wounds and. baggage. I don't think that that's the.

healthiest thing. But I think. it you can't go through life. suppressing. And I think that both Reed. and my. dad suppressed a. ton. And so I think. that while I might not offload in this. capacity, especially not in a public. capacity frequently, this probably the. only time I've ever done it. publicly, I'm not afraid of it in the. slightest cuz I would rather it be out.

there. I would rather. be vocalizing it and processing it. And. even if I'm not speaking to someone. about. it, I'm never not thinking about this. stuff. Mhm. It's all very like, you. know, in my face, especially with my. brother. Um, it was never something that. I was able to hide from it. Like in the. moment, I was able to process it. And I. think about it constantly. I think about. what life will be like in 5 years. I. think about when my parents pass away. and if Reed is still here, what is that. going to look.

like? I think about our family and how. if, you know, if things haven't changed, how will I care for you? What do you. need? I think about my dad and I think about. repairing that and moving forward from. that. I think about trying to, you know, protect my mom and make her life easier. cuz she spent so much of her life. fighting and rebuilding and things being. crushed. And so these are all things. that I consider and by default then I. process.

everything. Um cuz I've seen what. happens when. you run from the things that have hurt. you or the things you can't control in. your. life. I think my. brother I think a lot of. his situation I never want to call it. like a problem. or but you know when David died he was. 17 years old. You went to an all boys.

school. It's not really in the. environment that you are vulnerable and. you process grief. Especially when it's. so. public. You refuse therapy. You'll tell. my mom I cried once. I don't care. anymore. I'm over it. And then you get, you know, 10 years. down the line and we're sitting together. and he is has now struggled with drugs. and addiction and. alcohol and is hearing. voices and he finally says like I I.

think about him every single. day. They were talking last night, but. he. um kind of looks like Jesus in a lot of. ways. Like he like keeps his hair super. long and stringy. He's super skinny. He's really tall. He's like 6'4. He has. huge. beard. And I would always be like, "Red, please shave it. It's so ugly. It's like. scraggly." He would call it his like. flavor saver. And I was like, "Oh, looks. so disgusting." And there was one point. where we were having this conversation.

My sweater's getting all over my hands. Um, and he was like, "I look in the. mirror and I see. him. He walks through life with this. person that. he is permanently intertwined with and. who is not here anymore, who he sees. every single time he looks in the. mirror. And so I think that, you know, again, I've. watched what happens when you don't.

process things, when you don't put in. the work initially. to go through the motions and feel, you. know, the depths of what pain you need. to. feel and how you're going to learn from. it and repair and. rebuild. I've seen my dad. run from his family and his past and. replicate mistakes that his father. made and refused to speak about.

it. And I think that there's a lot. um like my mom did that a lot too. because she had. to cuz she had other kids and she had a. husband that was. struggling that was. suicidal and so she just kept. going and I watched all of that was I'm. not going to be that. How did Alex handle this your husband?

like a. champ. His. [Laughter]. um his mother-in-law who or my. mother-in-law who I adore, I think she. was more concerned than he was. She was. like, "Oh, this girl is kind of like she. got a lot of. stuff. Uh love you, Dez. I know you're. going to listen to this." She's going to. be like crying the entire She cries more. than I do. She's saying something. But. um but no, he's I it's it's truly like.

remarkable. He is completely unfaced and. unflapable. And not that he doesn't. care, he feels very very deeply. And I. think rather than looking at me and. seeing something that was, you know, you're, you know, damaged goods, you. have all these problems. It was like, I. won't put words in his mouth, but in the. way that I feel, it's like he stepped in. and was like, I can create a bubble. around you that's. safe. And I've never had.

somebody who is as. stable, who like can take hits and. redirect. And I can, but I think I'm, you know, been through a ton. I'm, you. know, emotional and. um in times like, is he the first. ability that you found in life?

It's the purest. form. My mom was very. stable. I mean, a constant. But she's. your mom. She's going to be. there. I found stability in external. factors like school. I threw myself into. academics. I had my like high school. transcript put on my wall cuz I was so. proud of it because I could control that. and that was stable. But I say that it's pure because he. doesn't have to be.

here. He didn't have to choose. me. And he. did. And he's unwavering. And I have some incredible friends who. have, you know, have seen me. through a lot of these seasons, who have. been very stable, who have been very. gracious and. have, you know, I've introduced them to. things that are definitely out of their.

element through my family and have stuck. with me. But it's very different when. you, you know, fall in love and marry. somebody. How's it feel to lean into. that? Oh, it's incredible. I've never. felt safer. I've never felt more. feminine. Like, I'm a very capable. person. Like, I've navigated a lot, built a career, you know, independently. as a. kid. I have lived alone. I've traveled. Like,

I've done a lot. And I met him. I was. like, I don't have to carry everything. I don't have to put all the pieces. together by myself. How did you guys. meet? Through Daily Wire. How though? He uh walked in for his. second interview and I think his first. one was over the phone and I was the. first person that he saw at Delaware and. apparently I was scowlling at him and he. walked in he was like I don't know who. that I didn't have a show yet. I didn't. have anything and he was like that girl. is like we're going to be enemies in his.

very Alex voice which you know know of. like very sarcastic and funny. Um, and in my mind I was like, who is. this? It just like something clicked. I. was like that that's. somebody. And then at the time I didn't. have an off. I was like in a cubicle and. they put his cubicle directly in the row. behind me. And this man has the like. most. explosive boisterous laugh. And there's. like a pause when he's like telling a. joke. And then it just it like I mean.

you can hear it. If he was downstairs. right now, you have all this. soundproofing. You could hear echoing. through the halls and it is like the. most. captivating, endearing thing. And I. would just hear him already. He would be. right behind me and I would just find. myself turning around like, "Who is this. person?" And he kind of reminds me of my. brother in a little way. Like he has. this like twinkle in his eye and he's. really spunky and he's really really. smart and he's interested in a million. different things. And again, I could.

just like no matter where he was in this. huge office, I could hear I was like, "That's Alex." And he's laughing. So. then I was trying to look him up cuz I'm. a girl. I was like, "I'm stalk this guy. Who is this?" And I was told like, "Don't [ __ ] where you eat. Don't like. whatever." But I was something about it. I was like, "Who is. this?" And I could only find him on. LinkedIn and I didn't have like a I. think I had like forgot my password. I. couldn't log in. So I could only see. like part of his profile. I like. scrolled all the way down and I saw. Chattanooga, Tennessee at my brother's.

high school and he went to high school. with. him and it was. like and then I would see him going and. getting water. He drinks more water than. any person I've ever met in my entire. life which were very different cuz I. like dehydrate myself on a daily basis. And so I would go like position myself. by the water. cooler. And there was one day where he. was walking through and uh he was.

getting water. So I don't remember what. comment I made but I sparked up a. conversation. I was like I desperately. have to like how do I bring up. Chattanooga? Like how do and somehow it. came up and I was like, "Oh, you're from. Chattanooga." Like I wasn't going to say. I was like stalking you on LinkedIn. And. then I think I ended up like talking. with him in the break room for like 2. hours that I don't even know what I was. supposed to be doing. I don't know what. he was supposed to be. doing, but I was just like, I think. that's my person. He felt the same way. And he like right off the bat, it was. just like there was.

something. And. um he's always said he felt really. similar and wavered back and forth cuz. he was always like, "I'm never going to. date somebody that I work with. That's. crazy." And he had a conversation with. his mom and she was like, "Don't do it. What if you break up with her? What if. it's awful? Like she just started the. show." And he was like, "If I ask her. and she says yes, we're not breaking. up." Like that's it. Like I think that's. I think she's. it. And asked me out in the parking lot. I. was like [ __ ] my pants. I was like, "Oh my god." Uh and then I went on one.

date and it was we like shut down the. restaurant. We went to Lachland Table. and Eats. Nashville. And I mean it was like they. had been closed for like an hour. I had. no idea. Um, he's great. Yeah, I was just I was. like. instantaneous. And I went home for. Christmas that year and I went into my. brother's yearbooks that have been in my. mom's desk for 15. years and his picture was right there.

And I would sit in her office cuz I. wanted to see my brothers and all their. friends. I would flip through like while. she was working, I'd flip through the. yearbooks. They're called the Facebooks. I would see all the pictures of the. boys. I would find my brothers. I had no. idea that he was in there. Did he know. him? I knew his little sister. We had. had. playdates. And um cuz he's a few years. older than me. And we always lived like. 5 miles away from each other and had no. idea. I was really good friends.

with his other younger his younger. brother's best friend and our moms had. mutual really good friends and never. crossed paths. Did he know your brothers? He knew of David. I think David has a a. memorial statue at Macaulay. And. uh I think David died the year he was an. incoming freshman. But it rocked the. school obviously in a big way. And we. had that statue put in. It's this big.

flame. It's like the eternal flame. that's still there and at the school. So, he knew that, but he didn't know. them personally. They were three years. older than him. How long did you guys date before you. got married? Year and a half. How'd he. propose? He I was in Budapest filming. Pen Dragon for Daily Wire. and we I had been out there. He planned. on coming with me and he was training. for a triathlon and he tore his ACL and. his MCL and had to get surgery like the.

week that I was leaving. And so he. couldn't get on a plane. He had all this. recovery. He was like locked up and all. this stuff. So in his mind, he had just. bought a ray and he was like, "How the. hell am I going to propose? I can't even. like bend my knee. I what am I going to. do? I can barely walk." And so. unfortunately, but also fortunately, I. was in Budapest alone for like 8 weeks, I think. And I think that was a really good test. in a lot of ways cuz we were an ocean.

apart, an entire time zone apart. And it. kind of reminded me, I was like, "Oh, yeah, I can I can survive alone. Like, I'm not with a person, but I want him.". And that was a good reminder cuz I was. like, "I don't I don't need you at every. moment of every day, even though we. spend so much time together, but I want. you here. I want you in every aspect of. my life," which was I already knew that. I wanted him, but that was just kind of. a. nice, I don't know, confirmation. Uh,

and then he flew out and he. spent like two months in Budapest and. then went home for he had a client that. needed to be he needed to be in person. Um, yeah, he flew out and proposed like the second. day that he got there and he proposed at. Fisherman's Bastion in Budapest, which. is like the right outside of the Buddha. Castle. Um, I had an inkling, but I had no idea.

I was sweating profusely. He was so. nervous. He made me walk from my. apartment all the way across Budapest. over this huge walking bridge cuz he. thought it would be so romantic to walk. at like sunset. And we had to hike all. the way up to the fashion. I was like, and then we got up there and I was like, "Oh, what's happening?" Cuz I sat on his. Apple Watch something popped up and the. photographer was like, "I'm I'm at the. spot." I was like, "Oh god." So then I. started having like heart palpitations. cuz I was sweating. I was like hiking up. these like stairs. I was like my god, I'm getting reposed to. I'm dripping in.

sweat. I had to like take off my jacket. And he was like trying to get me to like. go where the sunset was where he had. like picked out the spot. I was like, I. have to go water. I have to go water. And then there were so many people. there. And apparently he had gone the. night before and it was empty and he had. like walked around with all the he. talked to like the concierge at the. nicest hotels Budapest and was like if. you're going to propose where do you. propose? Budapest. And while I was on. set the day before, he had like scoped. out all these locations. And apparently. at sunset the night before, nobody was. there. Everybody was there that night. Everybody. And I am like, yeah, it goes.

back to the thing of like I'm on camera. 24/7, but not 24/7, but I don't like. attention in my like normal life. And so. I was like, oh my god, does he not know. me well enough to know that I don't want. to be proposed to in front of whatever. So I get my water and I'm like. stressing. Oh my god, it's happening. We. come around this corner. We're walking. down these stairs and there's a. violinist and I'm like, "Oh, [ __ ]. hell." I was like, "Oh, there's a viol. there's a show. What's going on? Like, I. don't not want the romantic gestures.". And it wasn't for me. It was just this. violinist was just there like busking.

And there was like I don't know, this. sounds so bad or racist or whatever, but. there were like four Asian tour groups. that were there that night and they all. had selfie sticks and they were all. there and I was like so overwhelmed. I. could I looked over at him and he was. like also so. And thankfully we're at this spot where. he had picked out it was like it kind of. ended up being out of the way but I was. walking down and I was like please God. don't have this person serenade me like. in front of all these people. We just. walked past the island. So then it ended.

up like we got to this point but I like. amped up over this like 45minute. endeavor of getting here like oh my god. oh my god oh my god and then it was. totally normal. It was just like in a. really sweet spot and you could see the. whole bastion and you could see the. entire city. Um, yeah, he proposed. there. And then we spent the next 8. weeks in going between Budapest and. Italy where we were filming the show. So, it was great. And then we got home. end of December. It was like day before. Christmas. I got home from Budapest and. then started planning our wedding in.

January and got married March 30th. So, 3 months. Where'd you guys get married? The venue at Birwood. My best friend. owns it. So, it was down in Franklin. They're all past here. Franklin, like. Columbia or wherever it is. But yeah, it's pretty cool. One year next week. Mhm. Congratulations. Thanks. It's been. awesome. Sounds like it. Yeah. I've seen. so many people. I don't know your. experience with this, but I always say. like the first year is the.

hardest. And it was hard, but not. because of him. It was hard just cuz we. had things going on. I had work things. He left the corporate world and started. a a whole new business. We took a huge. risk and bought this farm that. definitely couldn't afford at the. moment, but we were like, we desperately. want this. So, we just like we're. planning a wedding and doing that. We. were like basically like flat broke. after we got married cuz we had just. bought this, you know, all this land and.

put a wedding together and he was. starting a business and then I had a. huge work transition and I had family. things and it was there was just a lot. of things we had to go through and deal. and build and he was the easiest part. Did your family go to the wedding? Yeah. Reed wasn't able to be there. which really sucked. But your family. like them? They love them. My dad loves. them. My brother Chase loves them. My.

mom loves them. They sometimes talk more. than I do. They're on the phone at like. midnight talking about chickens and what. kind of eggs the chickens are laying and. all that kind of stuff. They love I'm. terrified of birds and they love the. birds. But yeah, they get along really. well. I'm happy for you, Brad. Thank. you. It's been really like an amazing. guy. Yeah, he's great with the little I. know, you know what I mean, from last. night and and uh going up to your place. But. really happy person. I can see it. He's.

very joyful. You picked good. I know. I'm proud of myself. I broke a cycle. You should be. Yeah. But let's take. another quick break. Yeah, sounds good.

I know everybody out there has to. be just as frustrated as I am when it. comes to the BS and the rhetoric that. the mainstream media continuously tries. to force feed us. And I also know how.

frustrating it can be to try to find. some type of a reliable news source. It's getting really hard to find the. truth and what's going on in the country. and in the world. And so, one thing. we've done here at Shawn Ryan Show is we. are developing our. newsletter. And the first contributor to. the newsletter that we have is a woman, former CIA targeter. Some of you may. know her as Sarah Adams. call sign super. bad. She's made two different. appearances here on the Shawn Ryan show.

and some of the stuff that she has. uncovered. and broke on this show is just. absolutely. mindblowing. And so I've asked her if. she would contribute to the newsletter. and give us a weekly intelligence brief. So, it's going to be all things. terrorist. How terrorists are coming up. through the southern border, how they're. entering the country, how they're. traveling, what these different. terrorist organizations throughout the. world are up to. And here's the best. part. The newsletter is actually free.

We're not going to spam you. It's about. one newsletter a week, maybe two if we. release two shows. The only other thing. that's going to be in there besides the. intel brief is if we have a new product. or something like that. But like I said, it's a free CIA. intelligence brief. Sign up. Links in. the description or in the comments. We'll see you in the newsletter. All right, Brett. And uh Cookie. Cookie.

Cookie was born when? Eight weeks ago. Eight weeks ago. Yeah, we got her last. night, so she had to make an appearance. There she is in all her glory. Cute as. hell. Alex wanted me to not say that we. had gotten a puppy last night when you. gave me the gummy bears. Be like, "Actually, I brought you. Heard your. wife really wanted a dog." She does, man. She's got puppy fever. She should. be in here to beat Cookie. Oh, yeah.

But. um so let's move back into acting. So we. got we've rerouted about 10 times. Yeah. We we we went down some rabbit holes and. it's been amazing. Um but so you started. where where did you start kind of get. into getting into political commentary? You worked for you were at Prageru for a. little bit, right? Yeah. So it was 2020. I was at at UCLA and. um I lost basically all my friends due.

to politics. Uh I think it's a very. common story that a lot of people. have I know Cookie have been through. Um. especially young people and in 2020. where I didn't really say anything that. was this not going to work. Cookie. You don't want to hear about me. being. cancelled. I think she might. distract. I'm going to get Alex. Can.

Alex come up and get her? I don't think you like this. So Cookie's. not uh She's a little camera He's a. little camera shy. Oh, she she don't. misgender my dog. My bad. I know. I'm. sorry. No, she's camera shy. Um it's funny. Our other St. Bernard, I. brought her and did a live stream with. her right after we got her and I was. still doing comment section. She fell. asleep on the desk and was just. like she's a lot more chill.

Um, no. I there was so much political unrest. obviously through COVID and we had we're. getting into the. midterms. Um, just past the midterms. and George Floyd and. BLM and I never intended to make a. political. statement. I just kind of realized that. things. were there wasn't as much love and. tolerance as I thought there was. And I.

knew that most of my friends thought. differently than I did. I was in a very. liberal industry. I was still acting. when I was at UCLA. And I knew, you. know, people would walk around with. their I'm with her pins. I had really. good friends, you know, during 2016. election that literally had like I'm. with her painted on their nails and all. this stuff. So, I knew that I had. different opinions, but I just never. brought it up. I didn't think that it. was for a. workplace. I was also very young. I. didn't vote in the 2016. election. And um I think it was still.

kind of I knew what my values were, my. principles were, but I didn't really. understand how that translated to. politics and current events. And I kind. of had to learn that and it came to a. head in 2020. And. um yeah, I I literally did nothing other. than. saying I'm I'm not a registered. Democrat. That's what you said. And I'm not voting. for Bernie or Biden in the midterms. And. there was already some unrest because. one of my best friends at the time, my.

big in my sorority actually, she was. voting for Biden because Bernie was too. extreme for her. She even got flack. Like how could you do that? is like some. establishment politician. He's a shill. All of this stuff. So, she got a ton of. hate. Then I come in. here. Then it's like, yeah, I'm not. voting for either of. them. And things started to change then. And it wasn't like a you're canceled, we. hate you, but it was a lot of vitrial, a. lot of questioning. Um, I had communist.

manifestos chucked at my head. I walked. into a party, literally had one, hey. Brett, like [ __ ] read this literally. thrown at me when I walked into a party. People knew that, you know, I had family. from the south. My dad's whole family. Like going back in our lineage, like I. could be like a daughters of the. revolution. I have a, you know, direct. line back to a revolutionary. soldier, deep, deep roots in the south. in North Carolina. And my grandmother.

was raised on a tobacco farm, very poor. And we were just talking about family. and history and they heard that and they. were like, "So you own. slaves?" And so then like drunkenly at. parties they would say, "Yeah, Brett's. like they're a racist friend from. Tennessee. Her family owns. slaves." Just things like that. Are you. serious? Yes. And it just got more and more heated and. I was supposed to live with this whole. group of friends going into my senior. year. And this all came just because you. said you weren't going to vote for Biden.

or Birdie. Does it? There's no mention. of anything else. No. Maybe they. understood it and we had a conversation. later and I was like, I mean, yeah, at. the time I wasn't like gung-ho for. Trump, but I wasn't anti- him. I was. just like, yeah, I'll vote for Trump. He's our president now. I think he's. doing. a good job. He's the Republican, what he. says makes. sense. I was. never thrown off by any of the media hit. pieces or things that he said. I was. just like, he's just like an abrasive. guy. He's an.

entertainer. Was like totally normal. I. was like, "Okay." And my mom was very, and I was, you know, living at home, going to school, so we would talk about. politics a lot. And she was never his. biggest. fan. Um, but voted for him and really. respected the fact that he was a. businessman. And that made total sense. My brain was like, "Yeah, why would I. not want somebody who has run businesses. and built empires to run our country? That makes total sense." like I it's him. or these people that have been in. government for 50 years and have done.

jack [ __ ] Like it just made it was so. clear in my head. Didn't even think of. it being majorly controversial, especially when I. knew that my friends and I had. differences and we had never like I. respected them. I accepted that we had. differ. It was just so I just hadn't. been faced with that yet. And then. suddenly it all flipped. And then after. co you know, everybody had gone home and. we were in these group chats. We would. be on Zoom together. we'd hang out, you. know, in that weird Twilight Zone of be. playing like games over Zoom and have.

hangouts and whatever it was, be in all. these group chats and they would, you. know, say things like, you know, we're. road tripping to the beach and it was. like June of. 2020. His friends like getting out of. their homes in Chicago and going to. South Carolina so they could go to the. beach while simultaneously [ __ ] on. Republicans being like, "Yeah, we just. saw like a idiot with a Trump flag on. out of his car. My dad said that if we. had hit him he wouldn't have given a. [ __ ] like that kind of stuff. And I'm. like in the group chat and you're saying. that to me like I hope we just run over.

all these Trump. supporters knowing that I was in there. and I was still just like oh it's fine. Like it was like an indirect shot at. you. And I went along with it. I was. like oh it's okay. Like they still love. me. We're still friends. I'm still in. the group chat. We're still going to. live together. And my brother Chase, you. know, I wasn't really listening to my. mom and she called him and was like, I. think you need to talk to Brett. This is. weird. And he called me and he was like, you know, those aren't friends.

You're about to go live in like a tiny. two-bedroom Westwood Westwood apartment. with these four. people and they can't even respect you. for having a different opinion when. you've spent the last two and a half. years not bringing anything up, not not. starting fights, loving them, caring for. them, being supportive. It's not what. friendship's. about. And. um that's kind of when it clicked. And. so I told him I, you know, it had really. reached ahead where it was. like we were, it had gotten less.

indirect. And I had a conversation with. like each of them individually. I was. like, we're going into this election. I. can I trust that we're all going to be. friends after this? And it was like I. like all it was just very very intense. Maybe you should live this after all. I. was like, maybe I shouldn't. That was around the time like we got, you know, my sorority basically like. turned freaking upside down during BLM. and girls were getting called out and. kicked out of the sorority because they. racially profiled people because there.

was a guy who um you is a very public. campus. It's not closed off. It's in the. city. Sority Row is just in a Westwood. neighborhood. So, anybody can walk up. and there was a couple of guys that were. coming in and breaking into the sority. houses and trying to attack young women. One of them was. black and they were trying to find this. guy. And so one of the girls had seen a. man who was an exact description wearing. the exact hoodie walking suspiciously. around campus and wrote in our group. chat, "I think I saw him. I'm going to.

send the police." And it was a black guy. and she got absolutely tred and. feathered for racially profiling. Wow. Like. publicly in this group chat of like I. don't remember her name, Becca, whatever. it was of like you this is so. disgraceful. You really need to check. your privileges. She was like called in. front of the board. I was watching all. this transpire like we lost our ever. loving minds. There's a man who's. breaking into sorority houses and this. is had been going on for months at this. point and the campus was like sort of.

shutting down but some people still. lived on campus. It was like a ghost. town and like these houses were being. broken. into. and this girl was absolutely like. destroyed in front of everybody. And. then there was all the stuff of like. well we as like the panh helenic council. and you know Capidelta has we have to. make a BLM statement. I was like, "We're. a [ __ ] UCLA. sorority." And then Capadelta, like the. head chapter made a statement that. wasn't good enough. And then that was. super messy. And Amy Coney Barrett was a.

Capidelta. And so right after all the. BLM stuff when she was. nominated, Capidelta, the head, you. know, chapter made a statement as they. should have saying, "This is now our. most, you know, successful alum. she's, you know, going to the Supreme Court and. they had to apologize for. celebrating because she was anti-women's. rights. It was a mess. And then the. thing that I was just like, I'm done. with all of this. I just said, okay, no,

I'm not going to live in this apartment. But I was like, maybe I'll stick it out. in the sority like the last year. Why. not? Maybe there's cuz I kept thinking. if campus. reopened, it was nice to have like a. place to go and study and activities to. go do. And I was like, I might as well. I've already paid. And they sent out the house manager mom. person sent out a letter talking about. the election telling us all that she. hoped we vote cor we voted. correctly and that we voted for women's. rights and that we didn't forget that.

said there was a man in office that was. going to take all of that away from us. and that she you know being older than. us knew all of this was wiser and that. she hoped that we showed up and voted. correctly. I was like I can't. freaking deal with this. I mean, it's. just like, yeah. So, then I that was at. the end of 2020, like going into the. fall semester, so I basically just. disconnected from everything, which. honestly was like the greatest gift I. could have been given cuz I think wasn't. a bad thing, but I'd gotten really.

engaged in UCLA life over that year and. a half cuz I had gone to community. college and then I transferred into. UCLA as a junior. man had joined the sorority, had gone to. the football games, had gone to the. parties, had met people, was going to. live on campus, all of that. And co just. pulled me out of it and recalibrated me. in a lot of ways where I had to become. very intentional about my values and my. principles and the people that I was. surrounding myself with. I became super. lonely cuz the world was shut down and. my family was one of the only ones that.

was like, "Yeah, sure. Let's go to. Euseimity and my brother's gonna like. fly across the country and come vacation. with us. I'm gonna go outside and not. wear a mask." I was still working at. Trader Joe's, so I was with people. 24/7. I didn't get sick. I was fine. I. was like, "What's happening?" Like, the. world moves on. I was able to focus on. where I wanted my career to go cuz I was. at that point where I was looking at. the, you know, the Hollywood industry. And I had already kind of at that. moment thought that maybe acting wasn't.

for me. Not that I didn't love. it, but I hated the. the way that the industry operates. whereas like I looked around at the. people who I considered mentors who were. older than me in the industry and I did. not like the lives that they were. leading. Why? What about it? They had no. control. Control over what? Their own personal. lives. I mean it was like a good friend. of mine was on a probably one of the. most famous TV shows of the last 20. years was a lead role. Had to live out.

of state for months at a time. husband. stayed home and raised the kids, barely. saw. them. Kids went off to boarding school. She was not. engaged. You know, friends of mine who. were in their 30s, who I would be on TV. shows with, they would, you know, we'd. work together. They'd go on and they'd, you know, be a series regular on a. Netflix show and they'd be 30ome living. in a town home with four other adults. cuz they couldn't afford their own home. Wow. People who didn't see their kids.

And the thing is, even at a young age, I. did not like the fact that every part of. my being was just a tool for you to. use. Like, you have an audition at 2. p.m. today. You have to be there at this. time. Turn your entire life upside down. If you book it, you're flying to. Vancouver tomorrow for 4 months. And it. was hard as a kid, too, cuz you were I. loved it so much. But you would have. friends book a job and it would be one. of your best friends and they'd. literally move to Vancouver for however. many months or years cuz they were.

shooting a. show or you'd go to Arizona or Texas, where people so few things actually film. in LA these days, and go. abroad. And I thought about what I really wanted. in life. And I wanted to be a mom. I. wanted to get married. I wanted to have. a. family. And I really wanted and this. probably is, you know, now in knowing. what you know about my family and. talking about this where I had a lack of.

control. I don't think I was the right. person to just hand that over where it's. like you tell. me where to. be at any point. Like it could just be. for an audition in Santa Monica at 5:00. p.m. That's really annoying to get to. Or it's I'm moving abroad for however. many months. I'm going to be away for my. whole community, family, whatever it is. But. also, you tell me, you know, dye your. hair. You're not skinny enough. You're. not fat.

enough. You need to, you know, you're. just a shell for somebody. Which is a. really beautiful part of acting, and. it's one of the reasons why I fell in. love with it. But it got to a point. where it when it when I started to think. about it instead of a hobby and an. escape and I thought about it as a. career, I was like, I don't I don't. think this works for. me. And I didn't like the. fact I didn't have control over the. projects that I did cuz I was in no. position. I was a working actor, but I.

was in no position to like pick and. choose my projects obviously. I just did. I went where the work was. I didn't like. that. I hated the characters in almost. every script I was sent. I just like. they were bad people. Like the stories. that I was, you know, being put in to. tell. I would go and audition for these. roles and be like, what is like what is. society getting from these stories? They're so awful. Like all these. characters, they're they're bad. people. I'm putting like filth into the. world. So that was really hard. I felt.

just like such a values disconnect. um I just felt. trapped and um so then I thought, okay, maybe I'll go work in production. I. could change things. I could go be a. producer. I could go tell stories. So. then I worked at was kind of like my. dream job, honestly, at the time. Worked. at this production company that I. massively respected the work that they. were doing. It was very story first and. character first. It was like big budget. independent films. Like they weren't. going through any huge. studios. and was working for them in.

2020 cuz I had already kind of been. thinking through all of this while I was. in college that you know I made myself. at 15 we've already kind of like gone. through that so I was making my own. money paying for my life it now it be. had become a job and so I had a couple. of years to think about that and I was. working at this production company in. 2020 happened George Floyd happened and. my job changed from receiving scripts. and passing them on to the producer on. the basis of or the production team on. the basis. of it being really good characters and.

good people that would leave an audience. changed and a story that was worth. telling because it the whole idea of. this production company and what I was. supposed to seek out was that at the end. of the film you were better in some way. Mhm. It's not hitting over the head with. Bible. It's not like this is a feelood. whatever. It was just at the end of it, something's been sparked in. you. And there's good people in it who. are complex, who are broken, who you see. heal.

You're pumping good into the world. Yeah. And it changed from that to we. have way too many white stories. I need. you to find me a Native American story. right now. We don't have any trans. stories. We're going to be attacked. Go. find that. So, it became identity first. I was like, "Oh god.". like so I can't even you know I'm an. entry- level person I can't even change. it from here so I felt very lost there. and so I. did finish out my time at UCLA again I'm. very you know find the good in.

everything find you know the lesson that. you're going to learn in this experience. what good thing can you take from it the. good thing that co gave me was that it. removed me from all those environments. it took acting away it took production. like the whole industry basically shut. down you CLA shut down, my social life, sority, everything went. away, and I just dove. into studying what I believed in and. trying to build something for myself. So, I did a a business program at um UC.

Berkeley's grad school um for business. school of business, which is where you. um as an undergrad could go and. basically get a a condensed like MBA. And so I did that, which I would have. never had the time to do, but I was able. to do it because it was remote. I did. what every, you know, English major. who's confused about her future would. do. And I studied for the ELSAT. I took. the LSAT, was like, I'll go to law. school. And at that time, I was super. engaged in politics. I was like, I'll go. be a 2A lawyer. I'll go into. constitutional law. I'd been shooting. for years with my brother. Uh, I felt.

like the world was under attack. Like. had no idea what was happening. My mom, you know, was a prepper. Had become a. prepper. And I was like, I'll go into 2A. law. And then I was like, what the hell. am I doing? Like I shouldn't be a. lawyer. I hate like I don't want to go. read contracts for the rest of my life. Um and I had talked with some. constitutional lawyers and they were. like there's too many lawyers right now. because there's too many grad schools. cuz it's there's a financial incentive. for universities to create grad programs. because the government gives un or the. government gives subsidized limitless.

loans for grad school. So they that's. why grad programs for lesbian dance. theory that's a joke we all make. Interesting. I didn't know that because. you don't have to have the financial. incentive to be able to make money after. or have a job afterwards. You have limitless loans. So, every. university and their mother created a. law school. And you can see in like. times of. recession, lawyers. spike cuz people can't get jobs. They. just go back to grad school. They get a.

student loan. It's happening right now. Interesting. And so I had talked to some. lawyers and a mentor of mine who worked. at the Foundation for Economic. Education. And I kind of missed a. chapter, but I'll go back. But I was. writing for the Foundation of Economic. Education. She knew that I was going to. go to law school, her name's Hannah Cox. People have probably seen her on. Twitter. And she kind of she gave me an. assignment and she said, "I want you to. I told her about this conversation that. I had had with these constitutional. lawyers who were like, I don't think. this is this isn't what it's cracked up. to be and I think that your skills are. better used elsewhere. Like if you want. to do advocacy, you can do everything.

that we're doing except signing the. briefs. Do you need to go put your life and. career on hold when you're already. engaged with you know in that. year when everything shut down when I. had no friends that I found community at. Prageru and I was like I'm an actor I. can do things on camera I can help. produce things you want me to make. social media videos for you so I have. nothing to lose at this point I'll go be. an outward you know conservative so I. started making videos that way and made. videos for Young Americans for Liberty. and got hired there and was obviously an. English major. What age were you when. you get jumped into Prageru?

18. 18. Yeah. And you found them? Mhm. I reached out. They brought me into their office and. had a whole. tour. Yeah. Their head of PR now, her. name is Sabrina. She was running Prager. Force, which was their student program, which is still, I think, an incredible. program. She knew that I was in LA and I had. joined Prager Force to just try to like. meet people and they would do monthly. like Zoom calls for like all the lonely,

you know, teenage conservatives around. the country. And she's like, "Oh, you're. in LA. You should come into the office.". And I really like all of this. I give a. ton of credit to her because she brought. me in and she said, "I think that you. could have a real. voice. Like, could we what can we offer. you? Would you like to do videos for us? Can we give you resources? Like here we. can all, you know, love to be friends. with you." knew like she gave me a. community and she really helped put. point me in the right direction and said. I think you could do something here. I. had never even thought of it. I was like. commentary like what do you mean? Um and.

so everything spiraled from there and. started working at you know doing videos. for Young Americans for Liberty and got. a job there and got a fellowship. I was. a Hlet fellow at the Foundation for. Economic Education and was writing for. them because I had a writing background. through school. um had gone to, you. know, the TPSA events, just became. engaged purely out of a. utilitarian, you know, standpoint. I. just I needed community. I felt so. lonely. I never thought like, I'm going. to go be a right-wing influencer. This.

is going to be like I'm going to go do. commentary. I just. wanted people. Um and I thought I had, you know, a unique skill set that it was. kind of missing on the young right, like. there were no younger voices. is Will. Whit at Gregory was the only one. And so. she started making videos here and there. and grew an Instagram page from zero to. like 7,000. But yeah, I was still. thinking I'll go to law school and I'll. just go do constitutional law. Like. that's how I'll make a difference. And. Hannah Cox at Fee said she gave me a.

writing assignment. She said, I want you. to go tell me why there are so many. lawyers. Like okay. And and then tell me. the economic ramifications of that and. how the government has screwed with the. free market in that regard. A great. assignment. And I did that and I was. like, "Holy [ __ ] I can't go to law. school." Did you hear Did you ever hear. from your uh your old sorority friends? Mm-m. Well, I not my. friends, but I've heard from girls who. were in my sorority at the same time who.

knew me who like 3 years later were. like, "You probably don't remember me, but we were in Capitol. We were in the. same pledge class. We were like, you. know, the pledge class after. me." And I wish I had known you at. school cuz it was so alienating. We just. I mean we couldn't find each other. Damn. Um yeah, I don't really have So I have a. couple of friends from UCLA, but they. weren't from my time there. Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah. But that's how it all kind. of started. So I withdrew from law. school my uh the day of my orientation.

I was like, this is not for me. It was. after that writing assignment, after all. those conversations, I was like, I'm not. going to do this. I was living in Idaho. with my mom cuz I had she after the. divorce and when co happened she was. like this is the sign I need to get out. you know you don't need me anymore I had. applied. for you know law school at UCLA at. Pepperdine Loyola Maramount and then she. had said that she wanted to go to Idaho. so I was like I'll apply for University. of Idaho why not and they had a dual JD. MBA program which I was really. interested in so rather than three years.

be four years I'd get an MBA and a JD. Um, so I got into that and she bought. this farm sight unseen in Idaho and. said, "I'm getting the hell out of. California. I don't want to be, you. know, carded for a vaccine. I don't want. to wear a mask." So left. My brother. left. We, it was my brother Reed. He was. doing really well at the time. And we. all moved to Idaho. And Reed and I got a. little duplex. And I quit Trader Joe's. in LA. And I came to Idaho and I was.

writing for fee and doing all these like. conservative nonprofit stuff. Was. working as a waitress at a steakhouse in. Boisee, which was such a fun job. People. like crap on serving. I had a hell of a. time serving. I loved that. Um and yeah, I so I withdrew. Had this. whole plan ahead of me. I was like, I'll. go to University of Idaho cuz I didn't. want to be in California. either. And my whole family is here now. And I withdrew and my mom looked at me. and she said, "You have to figure out. what you're going to do with your life.". like you can't just are you just going.

to live in Idaho and be you know a. waitress like you need to come up with a. plan and so I got a permanent role at. Young Americans for Liberty being their. marketing strategist and I did social. media for them. I did copywriting for um. their development team which in the. nonprofit sphere is you know sending out. emails for development is fundraising so. rand campaigns for them and I had like a. big girl salary which at the time I. thought was like I'm making a lot of. money it's like more than my you know.

minimum wage at Trader Joe's and. although Trader Joe's actually pays very. well. We're a great company. Um if you. need a job it's best place to work hands. down. But um I'll keep that in mind. I. know. Yeah. if everything goes to hell, we'll both be back there. I'll be in the. box stalking the milk again. That was my. favorite. job. And. um yeah, and so I kept doing that and. then randomly got a a DM from Daily Wire. who said, "We're looking to start a show with a. young person. We love your social media.

and what you're doing." And so I took. some meetings with them. They sent me. some videos to react to just to like. hear me on camera. And I told you this at dinner last. night, but I haven't shared this. publicly. My brother's most recent, well, now it's. second most recent psychotic break. happened the week that I was offered the. job with Daily Wire. It's like December. of 21.

I was really weighing a lot of things. and I was petrified to take this job. because as I've kind of, you know, set. the scene for you. My mom and I were. super. intertwined. There was a lot of weight. to carry. I felt like we were things. were good for the first time. Like she. was happy. She bought this farm that. she's always she had always wanted to. have a farm forever. My dad never wanted. her first husband never wanted her to. have a farm. And. um I was happy with you. I was living. with Reed. Reed was doing great. He was even talking about going back to.

school and it just felt like things were. humming and I had a I had a job where I. was I felt like I was making a. difference and I thought I'll just meet. like a nice guy in Idaho and I'll live. near my mom and we'll I'll buy a farm. soon and you know I had horses at her. property and it was all normal and I was. like I can't believe this. and she had. had a pretty hard conversation with it. where she basically grabbed me by the. neck cuz I would didn't even like I was. petrified to even take the call with. Daily Wire and send in a tape cuz I was. like I just like I was so out of the. game. I hadn't auditioned in so long cuz.

I hadn't been acting in a couple of. years and I felt like that was behind me. and it's such a testament I think to. like risk takingaking and betting on. yourself is habitual. I don't think. that's something that is ingrained in. most people. It's certainly not in me. It's like a practice that I like every. couple of years. I gota I just did it a. couple months ago. You have to take a. leap and shake something up and. challenge. yourself. If something isn't right, you. just you have to do it. And I was. definitely at a a stall in my life. I.

didn't I just, you know, I was a. waitress. I was withdrawing from law. school. I was working this marketing. job, but you know, it was remote, so I. was working as whatever it was. But I. was. comfortable. And with acting, the. beautiful thing about it is that you get. told no 90% of the time. From a really. young age, I had learned how to get. rejected. I didn't care. I was like at, you know, 12 years old. I would go in. and you bear your soul to somebody and. you're performing, you're singing, whatever it is, and they go, "Okay, thank you." And you walk out the door.

and you 90% of the time you never hear. anything from them. So if you're. somebody who likes like gratification. and that kind of thing, to be an actor. that's not some kind of celebrity, it's. really hard. like it does that just. doesn't work that way because most of. the time they don't give a [ __ ] about. you like they you don't hear anything. from anybody. They don't say it was. really great we're going a different. direction. You maybe hear that 1% of the. time. You just go in and you do. So that. was like such a crucial part of my. growing up and I hadn't done that in 2. years. And so this felt like a huge. risk. I was, you know, having to like. sort of audition for this and send in a.

tape. They obviously they're going to. have a show with you. They want to see. what are this girl's values beyond, you. know, social media. What can she do in a. longer format? cuz I basically only done. Tik Toks and that kind of thing. And. um I bas I got up to the deadline and I. was like not going to send in a video. and I went over to the house and I was. like bitching and moaning about it and. saying I don't think I'm going to do it. I just want to stay here going to be in. Idaho and she grabbed me by the neck and. she said I don't care. My mom rarely. swears. She basically said like I don't. give a [ __ ] if you decide not to take.

this job or do whatever but if you stand. in front of me and say you're not even. going to. try then I'm incredibly disappointed in. you. and hearing her saying she was I. was like okay because I was like she is. the person like I want to please her the. most. We've been through everything. together. I respect her so much. I was. like if she's saying that and she was. like you're then you're not the person. that I know that I raised you to be. Wow. Who took every risk who put. yourself out there constantly that went. on stage and was an animal that tried. everything that would go in that has you. know for the last you know it was 8.

years at that point 10 years really. Yeah, I was 18. So, it was 10 years. A. decade of auditioning and being on. stage and, you know, being, you know, rejected and getting up and trying. again, even if you never got a role and. you're going to stand in front of me, you're not even going to. try. And I was like, you were right. So, I went home, I recorded it, and I got. the job. And then I had to decide. whether and then she was like, if you. don't want to take it, you don't want to. take it. That's a once in a lifetime. Like, they weren't going to come back. and ask me in a year like, "You want to. still want to do a show?" would have.

found somebody else like on social media. to do a show. with. And the part that I had talked to. you about last night is that I was. trying to decide whether I wanted to. uproot my life and do this and leave and. start this whole new thing. And I could. tell in my brother's eyes that something. was not h like not right. He was on his. meds. He wasn't taking drugs. Boys is a. very clean city. Idaho's very buttoned. up. We lived in a very like in the. outskirts. He had no access to anything.

and he just started to crack. They just. the drugs just weren't working anymore. And you can always tell when he's kind. of when you hear when he's hearing the. voices cuz when you're having a. conversation with him, if you've had a. conversation with anybody that has. schizophrenia, they're talking to you, but they're also talking with the voices. that they hear and they're telling them. how to respond to them. So, our. conversations really slow down. He. started to get more unstable. And it was like two days before I had to. make my decision about whether I was. going to leave and do this, take this. job. And he asked me to come downstairs.

and I walked down to his apartment, which was under my house or our house. I. had a little apartment upstairs. He had. one downstairs. And he looked at me and. he gave me this purple crystal that I. still have. He put it in my hand and he. said, "You need to go to Nashville. It's. your. destiny." I was like, "Reed? What do you. What do you mean?" And he was like, "You. have to promise me that you're going to. go. You have to go." I was like, "For. this job?" He was like, "You you must. move. You must be there." And he was. like, "They're telling me that you have.

to go." And in my mind, I was like, "Okay, your voices have told you like. some crazy things. Like, we have spent. the last 10 years like I don't even. know. I don't want to know if I want to. trust these. voices." And he was like, "I'm telling. this is your destiny. You must. go." I was like, "Okay, well, whatever.". And they woke up the next morning and he. was gone. and he had a full psychotic break and. the police found him was in December out. on a bench in the. cold completely in a full psychotic. state and that was the last sort of.

coherent conversation we had was him. telling me to. go and I take I take that stuff. seriously like. but I knew that I probably should go and. I knew that it was a great opportunity. and it was risky it was scary was going. to be. alone but I also knew that I was going. to be working with a lot of people in. this world that I respected. I mean, I'd. been listening to, you know, Matt Walsh. and Michael and Candace and Ben. You'd. heard them all before. Yeah. I Yeah. In. the last couple of years, I' listen.

Yeah. Huge deal. And I knew more than anything that what. I would get from it, even if things. didn't work out, even if a show didn't. take off, even if they never, you know, if we never developed a show, if it. never got green lit, whatever it was, that I had the opportunity to work with. people who were better than me at what I. was doing, who were principled, who were. great at what they. did, and even not in like this weird. industry, but who just seemed like good. people. And I got there and those.

individuals like I'll always say this. but you know you hear Matt Walsh online. that's who he is in real. life like Michael Nolles he walks the. walk like I it was like crazy you know. Jordan Peterson I'm doing my show and he. was like I want to meet the internet. girl and he's like walking in and wants. to meet and I but I get to have these. like should you do the Tik Toks right. the YouTubes. Um the Tik Toks and the. YouTubes. Yeah exactly. Um, and so in my. in my mind, like I knew that it was a.

huge deal, but I was petrified and again. I was comfortable and I said, "Okay, screw it. I'm going to go do it." They. brought you on to do a show. Mhm. And so. walking in there for the first time, I. mean, how how often was it that you were. listening to them? I mean, was it. pretty? You were listening to them all. all the time. Yeah. And so you walk in. and I mean Ben at like 15 years old when. I was we had that conversation about. abortion when I learned that my dad. wanted to abort. me like when I was looking up you know.

information it was his debates that came. up. Wow. It was like you know him at college. campuses. You. know I love listening to Michael. Michael uh made me think about God in a. way that I hadn't in a really long time. I just kind of shut off from that, especially living in LA. That's the most. secular place you can be, especially in. Hollywood. So, these were people that.

meant something to me. And, you know, still do became very good. friends and mentors and will always be. grateful for. that. And were they all there when he. walked in the door? No, Jordan wasn't. there yet. And it took me a while to. meet them because you know I was in. development for the show. So like I was. brought on to do the show but I was like. social media content creator and then we. took a few months to do the show. So. when the show launched that's when I. really got to know them cuz then they. were like oh you're legit. You're they.

gave you a show. How was it meeting. Candace for the first time? Terrifying. You kidding me? Uh she's like so I had. met her. I'd gone to mass and she was, you know, George is Catholic and she had. not converted at that time, but I knew. like she sort of knew who I was and she. filmed in a different part of the studio. than I did. So, I didn't really cross. paths with her. And her husband George. was like, it's so funny if you know him,

but he loves YouTube. So, he would watch. my show and be like, "Hannah, is this. the girl at The Wire?" And she was like, "I haven't even met her. Like, who is. this?" And then I accidentally parked. next to her at mass one Sunday and this. is like the Michael Nolles effect of. like I need to go to mass. I need to get. my life together. Whatever it was and I. was like, "Oh my god, goodness is here.". And then I saw George look over at me. and apparently he was like, "That's the. girl at Daily Wire." That was like the. first time she had ever like seen me in. person. And then she was in the office. like a couple of weeks later and. officially met me. But she's one of. those people, we were talking about this.

downstairs. that she is this like firecracker of. personality and you like see her on. screen and you're like, "Oh my god, I. don't even know what to expect about. this person." And she is one of the. warmest individuals. She's incredibly. charismatic. She's incredibly loyal and. I would, you know, hear things around. the office of like, "Oh, Ken is always. like walking in." And it was like. everybody like revered her and kind of. feared her and she just comes up and. gives you like a huge hug. So yeah, that. was really special. And Matt, you know, I think the first time he ever like. really officially met me was when his.

team was like, "You got to go on her. show to promote something that he was. doing or help her promote her show." And. we just had a ton of fun. And so it was. welcoming right off the bat. Yeah. They. were Were you I mean, how did it feel. walking in there starting a show with. the people like I don't know if you. would call them idols, but you know, people that you look up to in the. industry and I mean now you're right. there with them. That was a fish out of. water for sure. Imposttor syndrome. But. also, you know, you were I'm very. overconfident. So, there was some.

imposter syndrome, but it was like, yeah, I can do this. I can talk to a. camera. I have opinions and I don't. waver in what I believe. and I have fun telling stories. And. that's what I got to do every day. That's what I still get to do is like. what I loved about acting, what I loved. about working at that production company. and searching for stories at the end of. the. day was telling stories with interesting. characters and with interesting meaning. that leave people. changed that leave you thinking about.

something in a different light that make. you feel. something. And I got to do that every. single day. And it was a really nice. marrying of all the things that I loved. because I wasn't acting. And there's. always a part of me that's like, you. know, I love that. Love being on stage. Um, I'm doing my tour in the next couple. of months, which I'm so excited about. cuz I love being on like I love feeding. off of an audience and this is like the. whole I love entertaining. I love. telling stories in that. medium. So, I was able to kind of like. mesh together all the things that I.

cared about and it was not the career. that I ever expected for myself. But I think it's really beautiful. because you if you follow the things. like if you find. the if you find the core of why you love. what you. love cuz it's usually a lot deeper than. what you think. It's not the superficial. like I like this job because of XYZ but. it's like why does that fill your cup? Is it the people? Is it the things that. you accomplish? Is it the feeling that. you're making a difference? Whatever it. might be. Is it the storytelling aspect?

Is it the solving of a problem? whatever. it may. be. And if you can't do what you, you. know, dreamed of as a kid or, you know, spent 10 years of your life in LA like I. did, thinking like, I'll just go be an. actor forever and work in this. industry. I'm totally content and. fulfilled now with what I'm doing. because the meat of why I loved all of. that, I get to do every. day. And I get to do it now, especially.

being independent. I get to do it and. I'm in the driver's seat. Mhm. I get to. decide, you know, who I work with and I. can, you know, honestly tell my audience. that if I'm sitting down with somebody, if I'm collaborating with somebody, if. I'm partnering with somebody, it's. because I want to. It's because I trust. them. How did you, before we get into. Independent, how did you guys come up. with the concept? How did how did you. come up with the comments section? So, it was a funny story cuz there were two. different sides of it, but I had had the.

idea for a very similar show that I. pitched to Prageru actually and it was. like a quippy funny I liter I still have. the pilot actually and it's me in my LA. apartment. I've got my leg up on the. chair cuz that was my whole thing at the. beginning of comment section. Like I. always had my leg up and I was going. through news stories from a more like. right-wing common sense perspective and. I even read some comments and I had all. the funny memes and edits in there and I. edited it myself in. iMovie. And my purpose of that.

was it was you know trifold I think um. because one I didn't feel like there was. enough content on this side of the aisle. that was short form that would reach my. generation. because we have the, you know, attention. span of a P. And that was why I added in. all the edits and the memes and the. sound effects, which is a lot of. YouTubers were doing at that at the. time. I was a big fan of this girl named. Emma Chamberlain who had blown up on. YouTube, you know, over the past 10. years or so. And she always had really. funny edits and sound effects and they. would keep me just captivated in these.

videos. And I also felt like there. wasn't anybody that was like me speaking. to young people. Like like I said, Will. Whit was the only one. I had a lot of. people that I would find on YouTube and. you know, I would listen to Dennis. sometimes when he would pop up on my. YouTube feed or Michael and you know, Ben and C would watch Candace's. I was. like consuming her stuff during BLM, all. of her live streams and her rants and. all of that. But there wasn't anybody. that was there wasn't anybody who was.

young or just like an average girl. Mhm. Like the young women that I saw were. like the Trump admin interns and they're. like pencil skirts or like the Fox News. women or they were like the, you know, the hunters in Montana. And I wasn't. either of those. I was like, I'm just. kind of a I don't know. I'm I'm not I'm just sort of in the. middle. I'm. just don't want to really be preached. at, but there's a lot of stuff going on. in the world that doesn't make sense and. that's chaotic and I'm losing friends. and I feel alienated and lonely and if I.

feel this way, then I know other people. do. So maybe I could do something about. it. Was it all you? You came up with it. all. Well, so that was my side of it. And so I had this pilot pitched and so. Model Wire approached me. I was like, "Actually, I had this idea for a show. and they have a obviously a very strict. pitch policy as anybody does in. entertainment." They were like, "Actually, we can't if you pitched it. somewhere else like we can't accept your. pitch. I haven't been hired yet." And so. we were just sitting in this Zoom. meeting. They're like, "This is our. idea. You know, it'll be a short. form show. We want, you know, really.

funny edits and memes and you'll read. comments." So I was like, "This is like. this is perfect. This is like the. meeting of the minds." And it was so. cool. And I think people assume, and. I've said this before, that it was like. the suits there that were going, we need. to reach the young people. It was like. the entire show was created by people. that were around my age. They were all. newly graduated. I think the oldest was. like 24. So it was created by out of. necessity for the content that we wanted. to consume, made by us for people our. age. And so we had they got the green. light to hire me even though I don't.

think the suits knew, you know, why I. was being hired, but they were like, "Okay, you know, try it. out." And somehow got it green lit even. though the execs were like, "We don't. really understand the show, but if you. think it's going to just try." So we had. no money, tiny budget, you know, I was. in the back of a studio that was shared. by two other people. Had like a little. tiny corner. We had no paid ads, nothing, no marketing machine. They were. just like to see if anybody. watches. And it was just really really. was perfect because the people that we. were working with we just had like.

that's how you kind of know that. something's hopefully going to work and. that you've created something great when. it's like we've all felt this need for. something that's very. similar. We all came together and had. already been thinking about this. So it. was like this has got to be magic and. they brought the comment section like. the name they had already had the name. and they had tried the concept with. another young woman who had worked there. previously and what they brought to it. was having it be driven by comments of. like that's a unique you know kind of. value ad of don't just talk about your. values and opinions but like what are. normal people on the internet saying I.

was like that's a great addition. So. they contributed that part and we. developed it for 3 months and then. launched it in think end of February or. March in 2022 and in the back corner of. that tiny studio with no money, no paid. ads, nobody really paying attention, we. hit a million in 4 months. You hit a. million in 4 months. Yeah. You amassed. 4.5 million in three years. Yeah. It was a rocket ship. We were the. fastest growing show and on, you know, the right. We were one of the top three.

fastest growing YouTube channels on all. of YouTube. Wow. Again, no money, no. anything. I mean, we had money. We had. support, you know, they gave us like. $10,000, $20,000 to buy the cameras and. build, you know, a set and get like the. headphones, the mic, and all of that. stuff. But it. was a lot of it was organic of people. just sharing it. Wow. Seeing. So, they. gave you a $10,000 budget and you. created a 4.5 million viewership. Yeah.

That's [ __ ] insane. Yeah. In three. years. How did that rank against the. other shows? We um Ben always had significantly more. I outpaced. a lot of them. Yeah. Any jealousy? No, I don't think so. Felt. good. Yeah. I mean, I was just like shocked as. anybody. I was like, I don't even know. how like this is wild. Um, no. And I'm so and I like I think.

about you my brother saying that and all. of these things that have now happened. since then and. I'm really really grateful for the shot. that they gave. me and um and I had great people you. know that core team who launched the. show with me that was like dream team. and we was so much. synergy and it made me like doing that. show every day. We did 10 episodes a. week, sometimes more, but two episodes a. day. It made me so much better in.

basically every aspect of my life. I get. comfortable being Brett on camera, not. being behind a role, kind of like we. talked about very early. on. I became incredibly articulate in my. beliefs. I became unwavering. I think I. became less of a people pleaser in my. work because I had to go on camera every. day and share what I thought. And I was. getting death threats and being called a. transphobe and a racist and whatever. You're a POS. Did that bother you? Not really actually because I felt so.

strongly about what I believed and I. felt like what I was doing was important. cuz I would meet people in person. I. think that was really really helpful who. were my age or around my age who said. like thank you for saying what I'm too. afraid to say or what I like I felt and. I felt crazy for thinking this and you. make me feel like I'm not as. alone. especially young women who came. up to me and said that because it was it. was all born out. of out of purpose of me feeling that.

exact same way. Did that start happening. immediately? Pretty soon after. Yeah. It. was very weird. But thankfully because. I'd been in. acting, my mom was very proactive in. conversations like that because she was. like at any moment any of these. auditions, you know, I was auditioning. for things like Wolverine and or Disney. Channel, whatever these things that, you. know, if I had actually booked any of. those, my life would have blown up in an. instant. We watched that happen on a. regular basis, people that I knew, was. in acting classes with. So we had. lengthy conversations about fame and.

influence growing up because my mom was. like, "You could walk away from acting. in a moment. I wouldn't care cuz I would. believe that what you learned was. important and you had a great time doing. it. You have no pressure to do this. But. if this is what you are going to be. doing and you're auditioning for these. huge things that could literally change. your entire. world, you need to know what fame is. And you need to have such a secure sense. of self and understand that the reason. why you have that and why you would have. the money and the power and the.

influence is because of those people. So. you better not act like a piece of [ __ ]. basically. good advice. You can't compromise that. And it was like that was from a young. age because again, you never know. You. could have booked something and then. suddenly you're on some show every week. and everybody knows who you are. So, it's very. proactive. And that, you know, when I. left to move to Nashville, she had the. same conversation with me again. She was. like, "I don't know if they're ever. going to make a show with you. I don't. know if you're going to become some. well-known person. Don't forget. everything that you've we've talked. about over the last 10 years cuz it's. still.

applicable." And I didn't. She was. right. Yeah. And it happened really. fast. So, I think I was prepared. But I. remember the first time I was like. actually recognized in public, I was in. my pajamas at Costco. I was like, maybe. I shouldn't wear my pajamas out in. public anymore. Maybe that's not the best thing to do. Yeah. What did the execs think? They. made a million in 4 months. It was like. shocking. What were they saying to you? Well, they brought us into a. meeting and uh I think one of them asked.

like turned to somebody on my team and. was like, "So, how much money did we put. like behind this? Like, how many paid. ads?" And he was like, "None, nothing." And they were just. like, "Okay." Like, I guess let's just keep. going. Yeah. But I just tried to like stay in. my lane and keep going. I was. undeterred. I was like, "This is a. rocket ship. Let's just keep growing.".

I mean, with that kind of a success in. that amount of time, I mean, that's damn. near unheard of. Yeah. What was what was. your motivation to go. independent? When did that pop into your. head? I was ready for something different. you just wanted a new challenge or Yeah, I think. um I.

[Music]. um you know, we've covered a lot of. different things and there have been. different moments in my life where I had. to make kind of like. a a decision that was like, you know, that leap of faith and that. risk and I hadn't taken one in a. And I felt very complacent and I was. good at what I was doing and I was doing. it every single day and we were making a. difference and I was in a very good.

rhythm but I had. gotten complacent. Was it freedom? Yeah. You wanted more. freedom. Mhm. What was the final straw? I mean, almost nobody would give that. up. Yeah. And start from scratch. And that's. why I respect you so much. Mhm. That was. it was terrifying. I had to, you know, Alex and I had a conversation many.

Guess there's not like a like this is a. lot. of thinking and praying and analyzing. and we looked at each other and we're. just kind of like are you willing to or. we basically willing to lose everything. and start from. scratch cuz again we had you know Alex. had just started his own business. We. had bought this farm that was like was a. stretch, but we really wanted. it. And I was like, I could leave and it.

could could backfire on me. immediately. Nobody could care. Maybe I. wouldn't make any money. Maybe I would. have no anything. And I basically just. had to to decide like does that matter. to. me? And it didn't. And it worked. Yeah. Then it wasn't cuz. I was like Yeah. A million subs in one. month when you launched your new show.

Yeah. It was. very humbling and gratifying. I was. like, okay. But it was I mean it's terrifying. And I literally like our conversation. was like, are we willing my mom had just. decided to move to Nashville. It's like, are we willing to like go move back in. with her and like literally start over. if like you're funding our life now, Alex, and I can't help at all and I'm. making no money. Like, if all of it went. away and at the end of the day, like I. don't really care about being famous.

Like, it comes with what I do, but I. would be very I would be just as. happy if I was telling stories in a. different capacity. Mhm. Again, it's. finding the root of what you love to do. and then applying it. I don't need this. to survive. I don't crave. it. I do it because I love sharing. stories with people. I love hopefully. making them think differently about the. world. I love making people feel like. they're not alone in whatever they're. going through. Whether that's like on my.

subscription platform where we do our. Dear Brett series and I'm able to talk. to people like I had a girl last. week, you know, talk to me about, you. know, she has a grandfather with. dementia who is, you know, forgetting. who she is and has gotten violent and is. like, how do you how do you go through. that? Like how do you still love. somebody and be there but protect. yourself and know. that you know that isn't the person that. you know anymore? I got to talk about my. brother, which I don't often get to do. And it's like I I've had so much crap.

happen in 23 years. It's like I hope. that I can make somebody's life a little. better if they haven't experienced this. and they're now going through it for the. first time. I hope I can make you feel. less crazy about the world and feel less. alone. But I don't have to have 4. million or a million subs to do. that. Like that that isn't why I do. this. I could go work. I could go back. to Trader Joe's and I'd be happy. Well, you just described the why. Yeah. And you definitely you hit it and uh you.

seem very fulfilled. Yeah. That's good. to see. Not a lot of people have that, man. Yeah. Not a lot of people feel. fulfilled in what they're doing. Yeah. And that was the first step to. freedom of being like, I'm okay if. this doesn't work and I'm willing. to willing to fight to make that happen. When you left, your maid of honor best. friend, was it Reagan? Is that her name?

Took over the comments. section. How did that feel? Friendships are hard. Are you guys still friends? I don't say so. Would you like to still be friends? Of. course. I talked about that actually in another. Dear Brett thing. Adult friendships are.

really hard. You always think it's going. to get easier. Kind of just gets. harder. And with more people knowing who. you are. and having influence and having eyes on. you, then you kind of question people's. motives in being friends with you. And. it's kind of. like a hard knowing how to meet people. And so. I'm I'm like loyal to a maybe a fault.

But I like Do you feel that she was. disloyal and taken the role? No, she can. do she's an adult. She's she and this is. what I will always stand by. You have to. make the decision that is good for you. and your. family. I did that and she did that. Why. do you think the friendship fell. apart? If you wish her the best of.

success, friendships are hard. Do you want to say anything to her? That's difficult. question but at the end of the day I do. I wish you success and I wish you.

well and I hope that she chases the. things that she wants and I never wish. that you know to not work for anybody. And I mean that genuinely people I you. know there have been so many people that. have come in and out of my life over the. years and I think that it's important to. let.

go. Can't control everything even though. you might like to. People make their own. decisions. Sometimes it hurts, but at the end of. the. day, everybody's figuring it. out. And we make choices. We live with. choices. We do what we believe. is best for us and our goals and our. dreams. So, yeah. Good for you.

That's a healthier way. to handle it. Good for. you. How long was it after you left the. Daily Wire that you started it? Um, my last day was December. 10th and I think we started the show at. the end of January, I believe.

It was a. good rest period. I had a lot a lot to. consider and recalibrate and reflect. on and it seemed a lot longer in the. moment because you go. from to silence was really. nice and I had to think about a lot of. the things we've just spoken about and I. had already been thinking about that for. months leading up to. that of the why and the. how and what can I build and how can I.

produce it in a way that. is authentic. that is meaningful, that. doesn't compromise. values, and I wanted to do right by. people. I care so deeply about this. audience and this community that I've. built, and I I know that they trust. me, and I care for them, and I wouldn't. have what I have today. I mean, they've. changed my life in a myriad of ways.

where it's like having this community of. people that tunes in and watches you, it. makes me better. It makes me articulate. It makes me have more integrity with. myself. Like they hold me to high. standards and encourage me to continue. holding myself to high standards. I. think about the impact that I'm having. in the world on a much broader scale. I want to make sure I am being. consistent with what I say on screen and. what I'm doing in my personal life. And. if I'm.

saying I believe. in independent voices and. freedom and doing what you believe in. and standing strong in. that I have to do the same and I. can't like it just forces you to go like. I think if you are a person with. integrity and you have eyes on you and. you're speaking about that I I don't. know how you can not do that behind the. scenes. I just like I I can't comprehend.

that. And so I think it was really good. You know, I spent months thinking of. like what is the best way? What does. this next chapter look like? And there. was a lot that I wanted to consider in. terms. of, you. know, Alex's and my life and I do want. to be a mom and that's a thing that I've. dreamt about for my entire childhood. and, you know, life and now. And how can. I build a life and a.

career where I get to do what I love, but I get to be the kind of mother that. I want to be and have the kind of. balance that I hope to have. But again, it like if it didn't work, if nobody. cared, I would be fine. Like I would, you. know, having babies, working a job, being with my family, being with the. people that I love might not be as like. exciting as some of the stuff that I get. to do, but it's that's like really good. life. And at the end of the day, that's. what I think. about. And I now have the freedom to.

build that. When are you thinking about having kids? I hope soon as possible. Really? Yeah. Good for you. Yeah. How will you balance. it all? Um, I think I've put myself in a very. good position over the last couple of. months of thinking of, you know, having. that in mind. of I. have, you know, I've scaled back a ton.

and which I think has made me better. actually and probably made me better on. camera and what I do, but I'm building a. life and putting something in place and. Alex actually has taken on a much bigger. your role cuz he's in advertising. So, he actually handles a lot of that side. of the work for me and he manages a lot. of the business side of it, which is. he's much better at it than I am, which. is great, where I have a lot more free. time than I. ever, you know, kind of expect. And so, I look at that and I'm like, this is is.

obviously how I want to fill that time. And I think I I actually just recently. did an episode about this cuz there's. this whole. idea that, you know, started in the 80s. of women being able to have it all. you. should have it all and you know be this. girl boss and it's ironic that they said. have it all because they never intended. children to be included in that but. women thought that they were and so they. would go work there you know 9 toive. jobs and climb the corporate ladder and. be like how do I now I can't like I. can't have it all I'm you know candles. burning at both ends and.

so you know I'm not there yet I don't. know exactly how on a day-to-day basis. that will be managed but I know. that I'll be saying no to. And life is prioritizing things based on. the stage of life that you're. in. And if we weren't planning on having. kids, if that was in my future, I would. probably be building a very different. career. Maybe I wouldn't have, you know, taken a shot to try to go build.

something myself. But it was important. to me to be able to. say, I want to have the freedom to say. no. and not have to. go be. It's the same thing with, you. know, with acting of I want to be in. control and know that I can be the kind. of wife that I want to be and the kind. of daughter that I want to be and the. kind of mother that I want to be. and it's a real privilege and a blessing. that I'm working on building that and I.

still get to do what I love. But I. probably won't do. it. I don't know. Like the analogy that. I made on my show is that like yes, a. woman can have like eight children and. go and have, you know, be a partner at a. law firm, do XYZ, but she definitely. won't be the, you know, superengaged. homeschool mom that drives her kids to. like every single appointment and thing. that, you know, a mom that prioritizes. being at home would. And that mom that. homeschools all of her kids, she might.

have a part-time job. you might have. You know, so many of the mothers that I. know. um do work, but they have built a career. and a life that allows them to be the. mother that they want to be. And so they. have, you know, aside like I think about. my mom. She didn't work, but she ran. organizations and she would write for. the newspaper and she would um teach. cooking classes out of our house just. cuz there were so many things that she. as a person just enjoyed and wanted to. share with people and would do things. here and there to keep herself engaged.

And it was so impressive, I think, to my. brothers and I to see someone who was so. engaged and so dedicated. to the career of being a mother of. building and. nurturing productive, intelligent. members of. society, but she had so many interests. and she built so many different things. and she was so impressive and she. brought us along with all of it. And. so she gave up a corporate career. She. was in textbook publishing. She was. working at WW Norton. She walked away.

from that. She could have had a totally. and I asked her about that growing up. like, "Do you regret that?" She was. like, "Well, I often think about what it. would have been like if I had stayed in. the, you know, the more. commonplace path of pursuing that. You. know, I'm going to go be the partner at. the law firm. I'm going to go be the. president of publishing. I'm going to go. run this real estate agency, work in. real estate later on.". Um, she was like, "But at the end of the. day, that wasn't what drove me. And so I. found other ways to be fulfilled and.

build things and she built incredible. things. She ran that incredible. organization. She ran a cooking school. when my brothers were younger, but it. was like out of her house. So I like. have always thought about that and. knowing that my career might look. different than a woman who decides to. have a, you know, a full-time manny or. not have kids. And I never want to shame. women for doing that because every. person is on their own path. that no. individual man or woman can have it all. We talked about that when you came on.

of, you know, you give and you. take. And there are times when I've been. so ingrained in work and I've had to. scale back. And I just know that it'll. be about prioritizing what is important. at that moment and building something. where I can. give to my family in the way that I want. to give. There's not a lot of people doing it. Mhm. You're in a very unique position.

here. And um I mean, who will you look. to for advice, especially with the mom stuff? Yeah. The. business stuff. I mean, Candace seems to. manage it all. Yeah. Candace says and. they keep it all in house, which is. wonderful. And you know, she and George. run everything together, which was. really the I loved watching that. And I. looked at Alex and I was like, I want. that. I don't want to I don't want to. offload this to anybody else anymore. Like I trust you. I don't trust a lot of. people. I trust you and let's do this.

together. And he through helping me. build this gives me the he's giving me. and our family the freedom to be able to. go, you know, have a farm, have a bunch. of kids by, you know, this is not what. he it's like sort of in line with some. of the work that he does, but he's taken. on a huge bulk of it, which I'm so. grateful for. Um, but yeah, for sure. her. And then the other one is um Liz. Wheeler. She's. incredible and she is.

uh she's a mom, she has two kids, she's. at the Blaze, she has a. podcast and her husband works and she is. the most dedicated. mother and she, you know, when she's. doing her show for an hour and a half. during the day, her husband is with. their kids and then for the rest of the. day she is like they're never out of her. sight. and here. Yeah. and they go wherever she. goes. Any like if you hire Liz for a. speaking engagement, if you had her on.

your show, she would be she would have. her kids. there. And if she can't have them there, she says no. And if it means missing out. on something, she says no. And we had a. long conversation about this actually. last year where she was like, you have. to put yourself in a situation where you. have the freedom to do that. And if. that's the kind of mother that you want. to be, if you still if you feel called. to this vocation to do this work, you. have to be able to set those. boundaries because otherwise you're. going to be pushed around. You're going.

to be told what to do. And she set just. an incredible example. And I don't know. if she talks about that often. She. talked about it in a a speech. She was. given an award recently and I went and. saw her talk and so she talked about. that, but I don't know if she's talked. about it very publicly. But she's been a. wonderful resource and inspiration in. that regard. They don't have. staff, you know, they, you know, have family that comes. and helps and that's their. support, which, you know, my mom a saint.

is leaving Idaho. She's like selling the. stream farm and she's coming here to be. in Nebraska. was like, I want to be. here and you know, Alex's family is here. and we're going to be this village. because she didn't have. that. And and that was really, really. hard on her and she didn't have that. kind of, you know, when her husband was. dying of brain cancer, she had nobody. nearby to, you know, care for my three. brothers when she had to go to the Mayo.

Clinic for three days at a time or. anything like that. And she was like, I'm going to give you the support that I. never had. we're going to do this and. I'm going to be down the street from you. and if you're busy and you're doing a. show and there's this opportunity that. you don't want to give up, I never want. you to feel. like you have to say like you will have. to because you'll you'll be prioritizing. things, but I'm going to be there. I'm. going to support. you. And that was, you know, Liz has. done that with her family and so she's. like, she's really, really.

wonderful. She deserves a lot more. credit than That's cool, man. Yeah, she's great. She's super consistent, too. She is like a firecracker. I'll bet she is. Yeah. And a very good. mother. So, yeah. It's one It's It's a. weird. industry and it's a unique situation, but it's also not because every family. is thinking about this. I think this is. a thing that women think about all the. time when they get to this point in life. and how you are going to balance it and. what you're going to prioritize. And I. think that society has like become very.

skewed where for so many years, like. starting when my mom was having kids. I. mean, she was. absolutely crapped on for choosing to. not. work. I was like, "This is so. embarrassing. You're giving up your. entire career. How could you do this? Like, you're just a mom. You're just a. mom." And then we just went so far in. that one direction. And then now on the. right I see like if you go on like. right-wing Twitter and I get called like. you know Ali Beth Succul Wheeler and I. Candace we get called like undercover.

feminists because we actually have a job. and we work and it's like guys I sit in. front of a freaking camera and I like. talk about the things that I care about. like a couple times a week and then I go. outside and I like birth cows and take. care of chickens and cook dinner and you. know write about things that I care. about. I want to write a book this year. I'm like I'm going to go do that. But. it's like it's really not that big of a. deal. Like um so now I feel like the. pendulum has shifted in this other. direction where there's so many women. and Ali Beth and I talked about this. very. recently where it's like there's.

normal women who are balancing at all. And in this. like economy especially, it's rare for. family to be able to live off of when it. come. So now we have these people on the right. that are, you know, sitting on their. high horses saying that's so. embarrassing. You're a terrible husband. if your wife has a job. You're a. terrible woman if you don't give it up. or whatever it is. If you have a side. hustle, it's like for the entirety of. history, women have worked and.

contributed to their families. Mhm. And that's, you know, I quoted, you. know, Proverbs 31 in that episode where. I did where, you know, she contributes. to her community and she's engaged and. she works in the fields to, you know, bring. food. It was like when we, you know, when we were in agricultural society, women were engaged in the family. businesses. You read, you know, Jane. Austin stories, they worked in the dress. shops. It was it was always a very.

specific class where the women didn't. work and we had like the 1950s where. there was that period of like the house. but even that was like a very middle. class upper class idea and I feel like. now on the right we've glamorized that. to the point where so many people have. now looked at women and been like well. you're an embarrassment if you work. that's feminism running through your. veins. I'm like actually I think it's. just everybody's got an opinion and. you're at a level where a lot of people. want to drag you down. Oh, of course. And um you know, being independent,

it's kind of like being a free agent. Mhm. Everybody wants a piece. Everybody. wants what you have. Yeah. Everybody. wants to consume you. All the sharks are. after you. How do. you And I know that's happening to you. from conversations we've had offline. And so what I am curious about is how do. you how do you know who to trust? How do. you know who's not full of. [ __ ] Especially in this industry, everybody's full of [ __ ] Yeah.

Have you found anybody that's not? I. have. I found You got a great team. around you. Yeah, I have a great team. Um many of whom I've worked with for a. while or worked with at the beginning of. starting all of this. And um I think. keeping it. small is key for me right now. Keep a. lot of it in house. I've had tons. of requests and offers to outsource to. XYZ. And I'll never say that there isn't.

a time where I would consider like, okay, maybe I could work with this. person or build something with this. person or do a collaboration. But right. now, I'm at such a p like we're we're. just building this as this tiny little. team and it's working and it's humming. and I'm learning so much and I trust. every single person that I interact with. on a daily basis that they have, you. know, that they are a person of. integrity, that I trust them, that they. have my best interests at heart, that we.

have a a shared vision for what I want. to accomplish with every video that I. put out in the world. I want to make. sure that every single thing that I do. matters and that I'm not just doing. something for views or for clicks or. because it'll be a means to some end, but that it's like I'm sharing something. that is important and they get. that. And so we're, you know, and they. push me in the ways that I should be. pushed, um, question things that need to be. questioned. Like we have hard. conversations of like, okay, you want to.

do this, but why? Like the why is like. we keep hammering back to there should. be a reason for every single move that I. make or video that I put. out. And so right now it's just it's people. that. I It's funny you say how do you know who. to trust? It's just I I it's a very tiny. group, small pool. Yeah. And um and I. think it.

takes spending more time learning about. the opportunities and the options and. not jumping into. anything too. quickly. And I also think building. something that I'm proud of that can. stand on two legs where, you know, there's a lot of freedom and not needing. somebody else. And I feel like I'm in a. very very very fortunate and lucky. position where right now I I can say no. to things. I'm very honored. I'm.

grateful, but I can do it on my own. And. I don't want to expand this. bubble and invite people in to now again. start telling me who to be, where to go, how to do what I do, who I don't know. intimately, cuz it's a very um and we've. talked about this too off camera, but it's a weird situation. when it's a brand, but it's. you. if you hand the reigns off, you.

know, to somebody else and you lose. control and it's like I don't like what. you're doing to my brand, but that's me. as a person. Yeah. And if I don't have. control over that, like at the end of. the day, I have to live with myself and. look in the. mirror. And so I want to make sure. that, you know, again, it's like the. business of self. You're in the business. of personality or whatever it is. Um, so you just have to constantly. thinking about that. Yeah. Which also,

you know, it's important for the. audience. It's important for what you're. building, but also as a human. being. Like again, when I go to sleep. tonight, when I look at my. husband, I have to feel like I'm being. consistent. I have to know that I'm. having integrity with myself, with an. audience, and feel really good about. that because it's so public. Good. Good. What do you see it developing into? I don't know. I'm excited. What is the.

cookie company? We talked about that. earlier. You got to do the cookies. Yeah, you've got to do the cookies. I'm. excited. I'll be your best customer. Sounds good. Guarantee it. I have a. subscription. And my wife. But um No, I'm not sure. And that's kind. of. the exciting thing. I think that you. have to be nimble and flexible. and, you know, my life is going to. change. I'm going to get older. I'm. going to be, you know, hopefully be a. mom. and have other things happening in my.

life. And I think you have to be adept. and nimble and I'm going to let that be. the driving force and then everything, you know, we'll have to work around that. and still build something that I'm proud. of. And I don't like I really it's such. a I want to build. something big that's meaningful, but I. don't have an image in mind of what that. is. I just want to be able to continue. sharing goodness and entertaining. people. Like I.

genuinely I love telling stories. I love. making people laugh. I love making them. feel like I'm an entertainer at heart, which is so weird to say in this whole. world, but it's like I I do love making. people feel something. I love sitting in. the audience and watching something that. moves me to tears. I love watching a. great film. I love reading a book that I. can't put down because it's completely. changed the way that I've thought about. the world. And I love being able to do. that. And so I don't know the, you know, the.

avenues that that'll take me down, but I. think if I keep that as the forefront, I'm sure I'll have a great time. Build the foundation, stay true to. yourself, and just be open, man. Yep. But. Brad, amazing interview. And um I mean I. don't know if you ever think about this. you know but um if you don't you might. want to but just think about all the.

people you know that. you've you've influenced and I mean. you're an inspiration you know I mean at. 23 years old you've already built a hell. of a legacy. Yeah. And um and you're. making it okay for people to talk about. what they believe in no matter what that. is. And um you're a pioneer. That takes. a lot of courage. So, congratulations. and uh you inspire me. I'm grateful. It's really cool. So, well, you're.

paving a path of your own and you were. asking about people that I look up to. I. mean, you are. like I hope all of your viewers know and. I think they you guys do, but it's you. are the real deal and like who you are. sitting across from me being on camera. doing your interviews that is. who you are and you are like a steadfast. example of integrity and. consistency. The guy I think especially. in this weird political world doesn't.

exist. Well, that's also like in every. industry in Hollywood and entertainment, there's so many people when it comes to. this world of having influence. and it's pretty great. It's very. special. Thank you. Thank you. Well, Brett, I wish you the best of success. and um thank you. Thanks for having me. [Music].

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