Blake Cook - America's Scapegoats: The 365-Day Service That Never Stops | SRS #146

Blake cook welcome to the show man. thanks for having me Sean it's an honor. to be here it's an honor to have you. yeah thank you so we met through Kyle. yep Kyle. Morgan awesome one of my favorite guests. ever on this show human and uh he is man. he is and uh he connected with us and. and I know you guys are working together. Y and uh I'm just really thankful that.

that uh that he made that connection cuz. I've been looking forward to this. interview since we spoke so appreciate. it so welcome to the. show but um so I want to do a just a. full-blown life story with you and I. know you have a lot to say to the to the. law enforcement Community especially yep. uh I think a lot of those guys the ones. that are left anyways um are going. through some some tough times with.

everything was changing and um and uh. man it's just a shame what what has. happened over the past what four or five. years in law enforcement is that when it. started the whole 2020 defund the police. movement he fund the police the. uh after after the George Floyd incident. is. when it just it just spiral downhill man.

that's uh well people are feeling it. people are seeing it this is what. happens when you on the cops I mean. crime is up Nationwide it's crazy I mean. I see these I see these videos in where. is it San Francisco where people are. just. looting they're Los they're looting the. department stores Apple Store I mean. I've seen reels of them just walking in. Apple Stores and just jewelry store. smashing glass and.

leaving it's crazy that's not somebody. has to pay for that yeah yeah I would be. I would be infuriated if I was a owner. of a store in one of those cities I mean. what do you even do as a cop honest. question what do you do as a law. enforcement officer when that's. happening if you try to if you try to do. anything they're going to send you to. jail for enforcing the law it's uh I. feel so sorry for people for law. enforcement officers in those areas. because you know God forbid.

I had this. conversation those guys their job is to. escape by any means necessary they're. very brave and they're bold they have no. respect they're broad daylight smashing. glass grabbing thousands of dollars of. merchandise and then leaving we show up. what are we supposed to do ask them. nicely yeah no we have to chase them we. have to go handson with them and if they. fight us and we have to use Force course.

now the the mayor or the the governor. God forbid or the police chief they're. going to say why didn't you let him go. was is that a hill you want to die on. yeah it is because you know what I was. hired to enforce the law not different. laws that you want me to enforce I was. hired and took a. oath to do my. duty and to protect the laws and to. protect innocent folks who are trying to.

make a living yes did they physically. harm. anybody no but that store owner has to. come out of pocket for that you know. that hurts that family that hurts the. employees families they're not going to. get paid maybe they get laid off because. of it maybe the store shuts down it has. a domino effect yes they didn't hurt. nobody physically but somebody has to. deal with that how about the PTSD they. just caused those people inside of there. they thought they could have.

died mean they're getting robbed that is. a good point our job as Law Enforcement. Officers is absolutely I'm going to. chase you down and you're going to jail. but. unfortunately those cops this is their. career too this is how they feed their. family a lot of cops are not going to go. if they don't have the backing man. they're going to sit there and watch it. happen I mean I I can't blame them I. mean puts food on their on on their.

table I mean some of these some I here's. another. question I mean a lot of there was a lot. of people on the band on the bandwagon. for defunding the police yeah a ton of. them you know now they're having to live. in this I mean do you do you feel. bad for. them you don't have to answer no I don't. feel bad.

for you know that's it's not fair to. judge all of us off of one individual's. actions let's take. ownership that that man was also a. criminal now I don't believe that a knee. should have been in his back he's in. handcuffs you could have put hands on. the shoulders there there's three of you. there somebody grab his feet somebody. grab his shoulders until we can get a. wrap to put him in there's way better. ways to handle that situation but but we.

all got judged based off of one police. officer's action law enforcement. officers were killed during those riots. mhm people were still mourning their. their their husbands and wives that were. killed based off another person's. actions and because you went out and. said defund the police I think it's I. think it went National that the most of. the big movements of um the uh uh BM. like spent the money that was donated to. them on like houses and cars like they. don't care about their people I know BR.

your own City down it's hilarious it's. like what are you doing and and but I. guess if you put it in into perspective. as police officers are like commercial. airline pilots you can't have a b bad. pilot because if you have a bad pilot. and he crashes and kills a bunch of. people people are going to be like wow. those guys aren't trained at that. Airline yeah you know we're not going to. fly that Airline no more we can't have. bad cops and you know how you stop that. is when good cops whether you're young.

or not you step up and you stop it. immediately you be brave and you be bold. and you stand for what you believe in. and that is doing the right thing that's. how you stop that yeah if I would have. been there I would ask him to get his. knee off his back and if he refused I. would have jerked him off of him and. told him go stand by the. car somebody should have done that but. nobody did nobody was bold and brave so. now four years later now look at it.

crime is through the roof murders. throughout the country robberies man I'm. going to tell you something everybody. should know the gun my fastest response. time as a police officer was like seven. minutes and now that we live in a time. where criminals are are are are bra than. Law Enforcement Officers it's scary man. it is I carry it's why I carry. everywhere I go me too me too I'm very. thankful about for for this town though. Franklin Williamson County they do not. around here yeah I like this place.

man did a little history last night. laying in the bed trying not to think. about all the episode and all that and. uh man this is a very historical place. oh yeah it's awesome front lines of the. Civil War right now yeah there's a. Chick-fil-A down the road pretty new and. when they broke ground there they found. the remains of of like 12 soldiers from. Civil War I love American history I was. reading there was a old plantation house. here that still has blood stains oh yeah. on the floors from Confederate soldiers.

because I guess they turned it into a a. hospital yeah man that's that's so cool. lot of history here but all right Blake. let's let's do it let's dive in so. everybody gets an intro here so Blake. cook can we start a prayer would you. like to start with the prayer I do I. would like to start with pray let's do. it dear heavenly father God I ask you. Lord to be with us during this interview. Lord I ask that um you speak through me. to to whoever needs to receive this God.

I give you thanks for bringing sha into. my life I give you thanks for allowing. him and giving him this platform to use. for the. good God I I'm I'm so grateful for you. um there's a song that says that evil. that the the devil tries to bring evil. but you turn it for good and I'm I'm. beyond blessed thank you Lord for. everything you do for.

us Lord we give you the honor the praise. the glory and the love forever amen I. would just like to add that I pray that. this message that Blake is about to. share with us goes exactly where it. needs to go I hope it is full of. positivity for the current and future. law enforcement officers that are about. to serve and and are serving in the. United States and and all across the. world.

amen. amen thank you for that yeah that felt. good got to give him the glory man. because I'm telling you something I'm. not I don't feel deserving of this but. I'm here because he wants me to be here. well you do deserve a man thank you I. hope you start thinking about that with. everything you do I I. think I think there are a lot of people. that never achieve what they want to.

achieve because they don't feel that. they deserve it and just knowing the. little bit that I do know about you from. from reviewing the. outline and digging into your background. you deserve every piece of good that's. coming to you appreciate that. so and I'm sure that. uh Jesus would say the same thing yeah. Jesus chose wild wild man it is true. Blake cook.

four years as Army infantry in the 82nd. airor division you are a Purple Heart. recipient for an IED explosion in. Afghanistan you're are a former gun gang. and cartel detective and a SWAT team. member in faville North Carolina you. have attempted suicide more than once. you're a follower of Jesus Christ and. recently baptized in 2023. congratulations thank you you are are. one year sober from alcohol.

congratulations you received the 2018. gang unit of the Year award you are the. recipient of the 2023 investigative. Achievement Award issued by the United. States attorney's office you are. currently the Le director of operations. and Lead CQB instructor at Blue varying. Solutions and you've been married for 12. and A2 years and the father of one son. who's 16 years old.

it's me quite the quite the intro how. did you meet. Kyle man um let's save that you want to. save that let's save that all right. we'll save that because it's. um it's a testimony man of of the power. that. um of of God I want. to let's save that we'll save it we'll. save it yeah so I have a patreon I know.

you and Kyle do too over at Blue bearing. so everybody subscribe to your patreon. go check that out but uh we ask so our. patreons they've been with us forever. they're our top. supporters without them I wouldn't be. sitting here and uh neither would you be. yeah so one of the things I do is I give. them the opportunity to ask each guest a. question. so this is going to be a heavy interview. so we pick something a little lighter.

okay uh this is from Luke what is the. most embarrassing thing that happened to. you during your law enforcement career. oh dude oh man uh I have a good one for. that one did a search for it one time on. a gang. house is a non-traditional gang which. means it wasn't a gang that was uh you. know it's like a neighborhood click. right uh the guy that we were going. after he was Distributing stolen guns. from soldiers to to all the little. hoodlums. so we went did a search warrant mom I.

mean just a horrible area in fville. called merkus Road um so we go there we. execute the search warrant the gang unit. not not the tag team and we're searching. through everything and that. morning my bungee on my radio pouch had. broken and I was like ah you know. whatever it'll be fine so uh we're about. to wrap up I'm searching a closet and. I've been down to grab something and uh. I guess it fallen off.

and uh I didn't know had it turned off. I'm in the house and uh so I'm. uh we wrap up we leave taking the. evidence to uh to to the station and I'm. driving down amerus. Road man I hear. uh hey Mr. polican you left your walkie talkie at. my house and I'm like I'm like oh man.

somebody's in trouble what an idiot what. an idiot I'm like oh man somebody's. about to be in a lot of trouble and she. is just on it next thing I know both of. my cell phones my personal my work. number is. ringing I answer it's my supervisor and. he's like hey man hey man hey check. check see if you got your radio hey dude. I got my radio bro I'm like I got I got. my radio oh and uh he's like no no. real get hands on I'm like all right so. I'm driving I'm feeling it pull my vest. up I don't see it. my heart drops in my stomach so I turn.

around I pull over I look can't find it. I'm like hey that's my. radio and I whip that car. around and I am I am blue license iron. to this house cuz she's on it she is she. is talking she is she is just solid. cuz I mean this is this is not like a. channel just for us this is a channel. for oh that District she's on the. radio she's on my radio that I dropped. my police radio oh I thought you.

meant this is the station calling you. cell phone so she found my radio after. we left the search warrant and turned it. on and was now was on that District. station like dispatchers are trying to. dispatch officers to calls they can't. because she's on. it Donald Trump is officially the next. president of the United States of. America while millions of Americans are. celebrating the victory thousands of. others are still concerned about their.

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that's why I started laughing I was like. what an idiot somebody's in trouble man. I whip that thing around by the time I. get back to the house the whole Hood's. out there. everybody man I get out the car she's. holding that radio by the. antenna she goes she. goes here piggy piggy piggy piggy here. piggy piggy piggy giggy Sean I felt this.

big My Tattoos didn't matter my beard. didn't matter my long hair didn't matter. nothing mattered I was so humiliated had. to walk over and was. like sorry about that got my radio got. back in my car but man I had I told. everybody the story every day I would. have Miss. Piggy I would take it down the next. morning it would go right back on my. desk it was so embarrassing cuz I mean.

you're talking a a channel for that. District not just a channel for our unit. but for that District so everybody. police chief everybody in my chain of. command all the patrol officers who look. up to. us I mean I it is what it is I admitted. to it you know thank God I didn't get. punished because they realized that I. was humiliated cuz when I got out I had. to turn my body camera. on to make sure they didn't allow on me. so the whole interaction was on camera.

the whole miss piggy piggy piggy I was. like everything so they're like. man we're not going to write you up for. this one we feel like that you're you're. I'm the hey man thanks yep I'm I'm. really humiliated and I'm sure I'm never. going to live this down damn yeah that's. it man that's that's the most. embarrassing thing that's ever happened. to me that's a good one that's a good. one it was awful wow wow well hey before. we before we dive in here one last thing. everybody gets a gift on the show. go.

yeah any guesses gummy bears man I was. hoping you wouldn't mess that one up man. I watch the. episodes oh these are awesome there they. are legal in all 50 states. still probably shouldn't be with all the. uh sugar and in there but Sor right. but hey they taste amazing I love gummy. bears man cool yeah thank you for that. all right all right here's where it. starts getting heavy. from here on out but uh we'll take any.

humor but um yeah so once again Blake we. want to do a life story so we always. start at the very beginning where'd you. grow up grew up in a small town in West. Virginia called pille West Virginia um. thousand people Max in my hometown. 18,000 in the county so uh real small. town um everybody knew everybody uh you. know the you start um daycare with the.

same people that you graduate with so. you know for for 13 14 years it's the. same friends it's the same people every. day um even in the summer it's we all. live next to each other so it was a it. was it was it a cool place to grow up. windows open doors open Ride Your bikes. wherever till whenever you know we. didn't have crime you know just just. rednecks you know so it was a it was a. great place to grow up um I grew up in a.

split house you know the the only memory. that I have of my mom and dad ever. together uh my mom was trying to leave. and uh my dad was punching a hole in the. wall screaming and yelling it's the only. memory I have of them together. and so they got a divorce when I was. young you know three or four and um my. dad built a house right next door right. beside my mom and um. that was kind of cool why' they get.

divorced uh my dad. cheated yeah so my mom had a lot of. hatred towards him but she ultimately. left him because he he was a cheater he. cheated on her so were you close with. both I am growing up yeah I was close. with both um my mom was phenomenal man. um to this day I still wish her happy. Father's Day she she did her best she. was young she was I think maybe 21. 20 when she had us I remember she take.

me to college with her to Community. College so she could get her degree. remember the only memory I have of it. was your mom would take you to scho to. Community College so that she could get. her degree she get her. degree and um brothers and sisters I. have a brother I have an older brother. um he's uh four years older than me um I. love him more than anything he was uh. he's always protected me always we're. complete different he's well-dressed.

skinnier little fell he's an attorney I. here I am looking like a convicted felon. but you know ultimately man we we at the. core we the same we're the same person. he's even to this day he's uh he still. looks out for me he's um one of my. biggest Role Models so he's a phenomenal. father he's a great husband he's just a. great human so I have um a half sister. and and a half brother from from my. dad's uh you know we don't consider I. don't consider him that they're my.

brother and sister but um when my dad. got. remarried um he started another family. but my dad building a house right next. to us it was cool as a kid because we. would for us right we would just go back. and forth whenever but man it caused a. lot of. um drama you could say my mom and my. stepmom didn't get along and uh you know. there would there was constant arguing. in the driveways um I.

remember and and you know I would say. that that they were more of the. instigators on it you know my dad like. to even though that they weren't. together like my dad still pushed my. mom's buttons um I remember one time I. was going to school and. uh and my stepmom or somebody had called. down to the house my mom said something. to her on the phone and and my mom was. taking us to school and stepmom comes. running out the house boom boom boom. down the stairs. and uh my mom's like she she worked out.

every day like she wasn't a typical. woman she was raising two boys and she. worked out every day and and she was a. social worker so she was constantly. dealing with drug addicts and stuff. anyway so she stayed fit and uh she had. these heels on man I remember my stepmom. getting to the bottom of her steps and. uh my mom just snapped her up in the. headlock I'm like a kid watching this. though at a young kid it's now I laugh. about it right but as a kid it was kind. of scary you know it's kind of like what.

in the hell is going on and then my dad. come down running down the stairs you. you better let her go you better. let her go man he got close to my mom my. mom stuck them heels so far in his. chest just took the breath out of him. and then um then they just ended up. splitting ways and trying to call the. police or whatever but you know it was. always some type of of you know if they. were both in the driveway together it. was always like anxiety like let's just. hurry up and get in the the car you know. like my mom did a very good job at.

protecting us from it but it was it was. always there and you know as a kid that. can be very traumatizing to to always. have that anxiety of let's just hurry up. and get in the car I hope Mom and Dad. don't don't talk like like if we were. going out to the car and they were going. out the car like it was always just like. please like can we just not fight and my. mom was always the bigger person we get. in the car but it was always something. man why did they not get along was was.

is your stepmom who your father had in a. man that's that's um you. know you know yeah like my stepmom my. stepmom some weird my stepmom was. 16 when my dad started dating her my dad. was like in his. 30s so kind of was start it kind of. tarnished her name a little bit and now. think about my older brother my older.

brother is only a few years younger than. her so there was always that there was. always that him and her they never got. along there was one time Father's Day uh. we would always go up there my mom would. because he had he had every other. weekend so we'd have to go stay with him. and my mom would would leave maybe go on. vacation with her friends or something. maybe go out of town and we would stay. with. him and you know. know my brother and my stepmom would.

always get into an argument me Hell. she's only a few years older than him. then my dad would always take her side. my dad my whole life has always taken. women over us or you know always put. women first over his children and he in. in Father's Day I'll never forget this. uh Father's Day she had said something. to him told me she was going to whoop. his ass or something and my brother was. like dude you're like two years you're. like three years older than me four. years older than me what are you talking. about so my brother picked up a a two.

lader of Mountain Dew and chucked it at. her and um he came over and got me and. was like Hey we're going to stay at the. house and uh they end up calling the. police on him and there was a cop at the. time named Jim Hall who came up there. and put my 13-year-old brother in. handcuffs put him in the back of a cop. car over that you called the police on. your own. son because of of something that he did. that you caused by marrying somebody. that was only 2 years 3 years older than.

him and uh so it was constant like my. mom would leave we would go up to my. dad's for a few hours and then me and my. brother would go down to the house cuz. it was just it was always something it. was always something and my brother. would cook for us he'd take care of us. and then when you know my mom would we. would call my mom the the day that she. was coming back home and we like hey Mom. we just came down to the house we know. you're coming home that day you she had. no idea that we were doing that but it.

was he was my brother was protecting me. from from the toxic. environment he's he's he's always. protected me damn and um you know and. I'm not saying that the whole childhood. with my dad was back because that that. would be a lie you know there were great. times you know we would have Nerf gun. wars and things like that but you know. and he was a good dad growing up he he. would play basketball he teach me how to. play basketball and things like that but. you know there was always something. right there was always something that. would that would happen that would run.

it always and. uh and and it it's just um and my mom. did a great job at protecting us from. that too she tried to limit our time as. much as possible but you know I'm not. going to sit here and beat my dad down. but cuz there were good times he he ran. our our community pool and he he would. take us down for night swims and and I. mean there were great great things but. as we always felt like that we were just. because he had started a new family and.

we were just. secondary and uh and and that was a lot. of my childhood until I became a young. teenager um you know he he I was I've. been playing sports since I was young. like super young and uh basketball was. always my thing and you know we won. every every you know as a kid it was. cool but we won every County. championship. until I was in the eighth grade and the.

only games that my dad would really. attend were the ones that were imp. pom you know and. um and then when I got into the eighth. grade uh there was a we won our County. championship basketball game and there. was a guy in the stands that that had. known me forever he said hey once you. come try out for football the way you. move and how physical you are you might. be a great football player I was like. man I've never played football I don't. want to get hit like that I don't know. if I'm tough like that so my mom signed. me up and uh I started playing football.

and and my first time ever on the field. man one of my really good buddies. niconico came over hit me so hard put me. off my feet took my took my my breath. out he's like hey man welcome to high. school football I was like dude I gotta. get in the weight room I got to get good. I suck I suck at this I'm out of my. comfort zone and then man I quit. baseball uh they only had me at baseball. they only kept me around I sucked at. baseball motor my uh motor brother's.

name is J.R his best friend Derek bolt. literally they thought it would be funny. Derek was like 62 and like 11 12 years. old threw a fast ball hit me right in. the net I wasn't staying the batter's. box ever again I didn't want to hit I. don't want you to hit me in the neck. again I don't want nothing to do with it. they kep me around because I was fast. and they could sub me in a run bases and. uh so finally my freshman year I was. like hey. um Chief I'm not playing baseball no. more he's like why I was like look me.

and you both know I suck I'm going to. work out for football and I dedicated. like a lot of time in high school to for. football working out in football I was. already pretty decent in. basketball and then man my junior year I. started getting really good at football. really good and then when I started. getting good and my name started getting. in the paper then my dad started showing. up to all my games then he wanted to. come around and then he really wanted to. come. around uh my Junior and Senior year we. won back-to-back state championships in.

basketball and uh then he really wanted. to be around once we won the first one. he came the second year he came to all. the games came to all the football games. you know he wanted to be there now right. that's how did you feel. resentment of that I I did because like. it was kind of like at the time or. looking back no at the time I I kind of. did and and I told my mom this as a kid. because like the only times I ever saw. you when I played basketball in Middle. School in eth grade and in eth grade I'm. want 13 right I'm I'm starting to see.

things and understand things a little. little more like why are you only at. home games is because you don't want to. pay the $2 entrance at the other at the. other games and you get him free because. he was a school teacher at the school. and uh he was a school teacher at Pono. Middle School that married a 16-year-old. girl. yeah yeah yeah weird very weird I didn't. know any of this at the time right but. my mom again she hid it from us because.

it was embarrassing right we live in a. small town everybody everybody knows. knows that it was it's still to this day. I I it's embarrassing now that I'm I'm. an adult and I know that that's wrong. that's not right like um you know there. there's even some hatred that I have. resentment that I have towards him for. giving us that bad name CU we share the. same last last name you know like I.

don't want people fathers of my friends. to think man I'm going to grow up sick. like that because that's wrong that's. sick it's weird it is what it is it's. weird we come from a small town where. everybody knows. everybody so you know when I started. understanding these. things and then he started coming around. in high school when my name started. getting out there in the papers and and. colleges started coming and looking then. it's like hey man like where were you at. like my earlier years now you want to.

travel two hours down the road to a. football game and wear a shirt with my. name on it like hey bro my mom has been. to every game and my grandfather on my. mom's side and my. grandmother have been to every game. since I ever. played my mom showed up to an aou game. one. time her friends had a like a birthday. thing that that they had planned out. for I guess we didn't think we were.

going to be there all day playing CU we. kept winning and winning and winning she. canceled her. plans so I could finish that game. out like she's been there since day one. like where have you been oh now now. people are starting to know who I am. here now people are like wow Blake's. really good at this cuz man I exploded. with football like I found a passion for. it I was a slot I was a wide receiver. and I was a um quarterback my junior.

year I had like 13 14 interceptions wow. my senior year I I broke the record for. Yak yards uh yards after catch I had. like I don't know. 7,00 like 13 14 touchdowns there was one. game where I had four. touchdowns and that was unheard of at. that time cuz you're talking 2008 where. people were still trying to run the ball. everybody then now wanted to run the. spread because then Pat White Steve. Slayton West Virginia started throwing.

the ball more and now we had some really. we had some new coaches come in that. were like hey let's throw the ball and. their their nephew was the quarterback. he' moved so they were obviously going. to let him throw the football but man it. was like everywhere I went like high. school was crazy because like I'm G be. honest with Sean I didn't do a single. bit of. homework I don't know if I even did. classwork I just got pushed through as. an adult I'm like man that's I wish you. would have push me to do better let's. rewind for a minute yeah so did you.

actually tell your dad that or I never. told my dad that you never told him that. that was in your head always in my head. was all those questions yeah just you. know cuz it's my dad man I loved him I. didn't want him to feel like I was mad. or. disappointed um I loved him he was my. dad and like I said my childhood all the. time wasn't all the time. bad you know he he did do things that. was a great father.

but there were things that like you know. I have a 16-year-old son right I've. raised him since he was three his dad's. non-existent I married my wife she had a. son and I I've um I've raised him since. he was three as my own he is my son. you'll never be able to convince me that. he's. not I'll never look at him and say hey. man remember that time I changed your. tire hey man remember that time I did. this for you and did that for you and. did this and that that was what it was. like it was always hey man remember that.

time you ran out ran out of gas on Salo. mountain or ran out of gas on Salone. Mountain I brought you gas yeah that was. that yeah Dad thanks thanks for being a. dad your dad was keeping tabs. yeah keeping tab to this day and we'll. get to that to this day he still keeps. tabs and it's like man you're my father. what are you talking about you're. supposed to do those things I would give. my life for my. son and never keep a tab on it I'd be. dead but i' never keep a tab on that I.

hope that he would never be like oh well. you know like that's what I'm supposed. to do that's what I'm raising him as is. hey man when you have a son or a. daughter you do things for them out of. love You' never expect a thank you. ever and so a lot of my childhood was he. would do something great for us but we. would be. reminded like okay my mom never did that. do you think why do you think he did.

that I I think he I I think he just. wanted. us you know what I really think and and. this something I've dived into in my. adult life. is I felt like he was always trying to. compete with my. mother cuz she she always did right by. us and but what he does know is we never. we weren't thinking her. either do you think maybe he was dealing.

with his own guilt I. do he felt extremely I had a. conversation later on in my adult life. and he says he regrets cheating on my. mom and uh you know I do I feel like. that he he he has his own. demons that he uh deals with and I think. that it is his guilt yeah you did the. right things but ultimately I think at. that age he he just wanted us to tell. him how great he was I maybe he didn't.

feel like he was. great well I'm sure. he I mean all the clues are there I mean. he built a house right he wanted to be. in our life he built a nice house he did. his. best. he you know he he he worked as a manager. at a swimming pool in the. summertime and he took us on vacation. every summer to m beach with that money. every summer so he he.

tried it's just he always wanted to. thank you that we never gave him I mean. I'm a kid you know like I have one. parent who gives me the world with with. not ever thinking about it and I have. another parent who is Tred and and we're. not giving the thank you to and keeping. tabs he's keeping tabs one's not one is. you what am I supposed to do my I don't. know my mom doesn't keep tabs but he is. obviously keeping tabs it's we're we're.

Beyond grateful right I had a decent. childhood I'm not going to say I didn't. but it was always like he's always. trying to compete with my mom and cuz my. mom took us on vacations every year and. you know to like Mexico and Cancun and. and Disney World and and it was always. like he was trying to compete my mom. never like shoved it in his face but he. would always shove it back like oh I pay. child support uh you know I take the. kids on uh a vacation every summer like.

it was always something like that you. know it was always it was always uh you. know now that I'm older I'm like man. maybe I should have said Thank you more. I don't know I was a kid I didn't know. any better I just thought my dad's. do. what's your relationship like with. him now.

um he's dying of. drugs I've spent my whole adult life. fighting drugs and um I'm losing my dad. to it um it's non-existent. relationship I broke it. off what kind of drugs heroin meth. fentanyl cocaine. diloted anything that's a drug that. would get you high how did that happen. um. when I was 14 he fell off a.

ladder 20 30 foot ladder changing a. light bulb like a flood light and um. went to a doctor in a town in our County. called oana it's uh nicknamed. oxiana he had a doctor who was. prescribing oxycotton like crazy I guess. he's in federal prison now but he got. addicted to. oxycodones he got addicted to Fentanyl. patches for his back then it went to. oxycodones so and I think my dad's.

always fought depression too A lot of. times his kids he would he'd sleep all. day while we were with him we figured. maybe he's just tired right he was a. volunteer firefighter he' get caught out. in the middle of the night all that and. uh but now that I'm older I know what. depression is he definitely had. depression I think he battled his own. demons every day and ultimately they got. the best of him.

you know you talk a lot about at. breakfast this. morning had a great. prayer could tell you're a. Christian with very strong. faith have you ever tried. forgiveness I. have so. um attempted to save his.

life medic when I got out of law. enforcement so I found out that he was. on drugs right. so Thanksgiving 28. 2018 we're back home we're in West. Virginia at my mom's house now my mom. lives in a whole another city whole. another County now at this point right. she moved to bigger town of Beckley West. Virginia it's got like 30,000 people in. it so right outside Charleston West. Virginia about 30 minutes away she don't.

even live near him anymore um so she got. remarried and all that in my adult life. but. um we went to visit him me and my. brother my brother has a lot of. resentment towards him he's not he's not. alive in my brother's mind my brother. completely shut him off um my brother. had warned me several times my older. brother. several times. to be.

careful and um my brother was mad that. he was on drugs be careful in what way. like he's toxic manipulation. manipulation he's he's going to put. women in front of you like be careful. with him what do you mean he's going to. put women in front of like if I haven't. argued with my stepmom remember he had. an argument with my stepmom at 12 years. old 13 and was putting handcuff. my dad called the. police on him and had a police officer.

put him in. handcuffs so I think my brother's always. had resentment for that it's terrifying. at 13 years old M hell was ter. terrifying at nine watching your brother. get arrested by by your. dad that was traumatizing and then. finally my mom like rushed home and and. fixed the issue but so my brothers. always had some sort of resentment. towards him so my brothers like. we found we had. heard that my dad got on drugs like hard.

drugs in. 2018 cuz he was uh well he was on. drugs met this chick got on drugs got. got away from this chick and got sober. 2016 2017 my my younger sister was in. high school. so and her mother and my stepmom that we. had the issues with had cheated on my. dad and left my dad so my dad was trying. to raise this high school girl on his.

own he did a good job but after she. graduated he met this other lady named. Melissa and Melissa comes from trash she. she was an. addict and she got him hooked back on. drugs so my brother wanted to drive down. to confront him about all this see if he. actually is on. drugs this is one black Friday day after. Thanksgiving so so me and my brother we.

drive. down knock on the door Melissa answers. she's hi a kite like hey is is my. brother says hey is Jim here that's my. dad's name she's like yeah let me go get. him he's downstairs sleeping like at 7. o'clock like in the afternoon like what. do you mean's sleeping whatever he's old. maybe he went to bed he comes up the. stairs and it's the first time in my. life I've ever seen my dad so so my dad. never didn't drink when we grow up and I. hardly ever heard him cuss I will say.

that um. but for the first time in my. life I saw my dad. physically but I didn't know who my dad. was he was so. high and he invited us in and my. brother's like hey you're high right now. what are you talking about and they get. into a heated discussion my dad gets. livid some that is on drugs whether I. think at the time it was just um I think.

cocaine and oxycodones is all he was on. at that. time because he he he was on four. DUIs for U driving while impaired from. um not alcohol but but narcotics so he'd. already been arrested for like three or. four DUIs for this so we were my brother. was attempting to try to help him but it. went went South my dad filled with rage. and he took off running back downstairs.

and I knew that's where he kept his. revolver I immediately grabbed my. brother and we ran out the house ran. down the stairs it's like 15. stairs I running my truck open my door I. go to get my gun out I'm like he's going. to kill us he is going to kill us and uh. man he comes running out and I never saw. the gun I don't think I saw the gun. everything was happening so fast but the. rage that he had Sean I I went out that. driveway at probably 50 60 miles an hour.

I thought he was going to kill us I. thought he was going to kill us and then. the Whole 30 40 minute drive. home um me and my brother didn't talk. got back to my mom's house and everybody. was already in bed at this point and man. I drank all night I cried my eyes out I. went on his Facebook. page found photos of when we were. younger I just lost it had a mental. breakdown that's the first time I ever.

saw him. high and uh that was the biggest start. of that was the start of my downfall. that was it that's what set the tone for. the next several years of my life and. what I was about to go. through so no I I have forgiven him. once and. uh I almost died from somebody else's. drug. addiction almost lost my family because. some some else's drug addiction and I. refuse to lose my family or take my life.

from depression or die from somebody. else's drug addiction I won't let it. happen I won't let it happen B got me. once B got me. twice but never. again no no no no your toxicity that you. bring to the table in my childhood that. you brought to the table I'm not going. to let it flow into my family I'm I'm. going to protect my family yeah and my. wife is so sweet Sean.

she she tries and you know she's because. she saw my dad before he was on drugs. you we got married in uh beginning of. 2012 and we only knew each other for. like 30 days we've married almost 13. years and we we'll get to that that's a. whole that's a whole another story but. you know she has always tried to because. she she she remembers him right she. remembers who Jim was before. drugs I mean and.

uh and but now it's like I I don't even. remember who that person was I don't. remember I don't remember who he was. because his his addiction has been so. bad on me it's hard for me to even see. the good. anymore maybe there isn't any Sean I. don't think so. you know the only reason I was asking.

about forgiveness is. um I've come to learn that it's for. you not for the person you're forgiving. yeah you know I. um I learned this from I interviewed. this guy Victor Marx yeah and uh it is. without a doubt the most traumatizing.

childhood I have ever. heard I mean it. is his dad made him shoot kill a man and. shove him in a hole that's horrible yeah. and. uh and. that's that's how he grew up and. and so he talks a lot about forgiveness. he's forgiven his. dad and and um yeah and he called me up. once he called me I had back in my.

tactical training days there was. this well-known trainer I won't say any. names cuz I've forgiven him but. um. he sued. me and tried to take tried to take. everything when I had not much to be. begin with. but I was worried my home was going to.

go I was worried my wife was going to. go and he he just wouldn't. stop with the. lawsuits and um until we were able to. prove that the whole case was a phony. case and if he was going to have to. repay me all of my legal fees which. completely broke me man and um and and. uh and so when he found that out he quit.

suing me and and whatever this is I'm. just kind of giving you the context I. didn't have the money to go back after. him and continue the lwuit. but and so that just honestly that's why. I left the Tactical industry I was like. you know what this man I'm out yeah. who blames you it's hard to trust people. after that but I carried this rage with. me forever and this this is just like. one example but I'm telling you this cuz. Victor Marx is who taught me forgiveness.

and. and and then I applied it to all these. different aspects of my life and all. these situations that I've been in with. you know from military to agency. to business stuff to friends family. but this was the first this was the. first time I that it actually sunk in. and and the reason I'm bringing it up is. I can see the rage I can see it on you. and. um I'm.

not I'm not comparing stories this is so. much more significant than what you're. talking about. but but he said. uh he said he's friends with the person. that sued me and. uh said. that they wanted me to forgive. them and I said I are you. calling. me to ask me to forgive. somebody because they're worried that my.

growth is it's a different ball game. than it was 10 years ago yeah yeah you. know yeah now way different playing. field they ran a whole smear campaign on. me and everything and I was like are you. asking me to forgive somebody. who like tried to take everything from. me smeared my name lied about my service. like wanted to take it. all yeah it lead me in a. ditch because he's worried that I'm. going to I'm going to do.

Vengeance and he said. yeah and I was. like it's real hard to tell you know. knowing what you've been through yeah. and that you found forgiveness and uh I. told him I would I told him I never. wanted to see him again he wanted to. talk to me I said I don't you don't need. to talk I said you can tell him I. forgive him and you can tell him that.

I'm not going to do Vengeance on. him I'm above that. and man just like saying it. to Victor probably felt good dude it was. like cuz every time that name got. brought up every time that name got. brought up it would just trigger. rage yeah and then and in in multiple. people you could you could insert into.

that oh I hear this person's name I feel. rage but that was the first time I. learned it and it was like it was like. being let out of prison man like it just. it was like this doesn't bother me. anymore I dropped it I'm never going to. talk to him again I'm never going to be. around him again at least if I can help. it but it doesn't affect me anymore man. I don't live in that prison of Rage yeah. know and I just hope that you can find.

that because it's free and I am finding. it right. because if I'm going to say that I'm a. Christian I need to act like a. Christian and and it's. hard. but parts of me is is trying. and you know we'll get to the parts of. of. why that I am the way that I am right.

now in this. moment. and and you're going to be like wow I. kind of. understand. because I I tried so. hard and um Blake I'm not saying I don't. understand oh I know you understand. because you have your own trauma with it. I just want you to. I think you're a really good person appr. and I just want you to be free and.

that's the only reason I'm bringing it. up and and that's what I need to work on. because uh again I Want to Be Free of. somebody else's. addiction because if I don't forgive him. then I'm I'm I'm just as I'm addicted to. to hate towards him like he's addicted. to drugs and until I can forgive. him I can let that go you know and. you're right man I thought I forgave him. but I don't feel it now that I'm talking.

about it I don't feel that truly I might. have told people yeah I forgive him but. now that now that I'm here in this. moment and we're talking about it. because I don't really talk about it. often I'll be honest with you I don't. talk about it at all I'll talk about it. with my wife my wife brings it up I. immediately go to shut down mode I would. rather be angry and start an argument. and piss her. off then to then to have her try to talk. talk about it you know and the other. thing is if you can take emotion out of.

this situation and actually look at it. from a 30,000 ft. View and just. observe look at how he's what he's. created for himself yeah you know I. think a part of me is I just love him. and I'm and I hate that my my niece. doesn't get to experience a grandfather. I hate that my son doesn't get to. experience experience that and um to be.

honest with you man I really just miss. having a dad it's truly what it goes. down. to it's just missing and it's been my. whole door. career fighting evil and fighting. drugs I want to lose him to. drugs you know that's. hard I I have voicemails of. is when he was trying to to to do better.

hey son I just just want to hear from. you I'm. trying and I just sent him a voicemail. you know and so I have a lot of guilt. for that dude like I just uh maybe I. could have done better maybe I failed. him maybe he did addiction because I. failed him you know maybe he's addicted. because I wasn't there for him or I. didn't say thank you or I didn't give. him um what he was looking for you know.

that's that's a tough pill to swallow. and it eats to me every. day because I do man I'm missing used to. call me a shadow. boy there's no Shadow anymore and man. that. hurts it. hurts 35 years old man and and the the. little boy inside of me still. still misses you know misses his.

dad when everybody else gave up I still. tried man I got burned I got burned. almost lost. everything. so I'm trying I really am maybe I need. to go to therapy you know don't give up. man I'm not I'm not I just need to take. a break and figure a uh realized that I. can't fix everything right. now you know when I was in the gang unit.

we were an easy button hey man go fix. this gang unit fix this I'm used to. being an easy button fixing it right now. and uh but those right nows were only. temporary fixes somebody else is going. to come in and take that guy's spot or. somebody else is going to sell dope and. guns out that. house maybe that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to fix it right now right and. uh I'm getting nous results because you. don't you can't fix. a can't fix a 67 year old man a 65 year.

old. man that's been addicted to drugs for. the last eight years you can't fix. anything on anybody if they don't want. to fix it themselves that's the problem. is he doesn't want it he just doesn't. want it I know I. lied I think I part I think a part of. him and I got to experience that right. so.

2000 before I met. Kyle I was teaching on my own I have my. own company Black Flag. Solutions one to train SWAT teams guys. just didn't get the training that we had. well I love law enforcement man I love. law enforcement so much and I think the. number one thing they lack is training I. was training people for free departments. won't spend the money my God they'll go. spend $20,000. to get new pencils that say you know.

faville police. department and not faille did this it's. just where I came from but they won't. put money towards training it's it's. mind-blowing so I was like I I have to. do something and my wife was asking me. to go do something because I was an. alcoholic so I was training a team one. day and uh my aun Judy calls me my dad's. sister. and. uh it says um hey Blake get have a.

second I'm like. damn she about to tell me my dad's dead. I've been waiting on that phone call. every day I have my phone in my hand all. the time because I'm waiting on the. call I'm like is he. alive she said yeah he's alive I said. okay what's going on why are you calling. me I'm in the middle of training she. said he's dying. he's he's laying in the bed at his house.

with his with Melissa. stepmom she's a really bad drug addict. too and she was so concerned that he's. dying that she called the police for. help man where I grew up those those. boys don't know how to be cops and we'll. get into that it's they they failed. me so I said hey I said what do you mean. they said well he walked in they saw. needles and everything everywhere I'm. say they try to do a. um uh what do they call it like a um.

like a self check like a hygiene check. or whatever on the on a p well-being. check I said he's on probation for. hitting four cop cars on the side of the. road High he's on like a probation not. in jail but on probation I'm like is. there needles in the house yeah yeah. they said they saw needles okay they. need to take him to jail get him out the. environment. well the it was the police chief there's. only like three people in that apartment.

well they say there's nothing they can. do I'm like what are you talking about. he's a drug addict syringes everywhere. he's on probation it's drug. paraphernalia I don't care what it is I. don't care if it's one orange cap take. him to jail because if he goes to jail. they won't take him they'll make him go. to the hospital before they can intake. him so they'll force him to get medical. they're like oh Blake there's they said. there's nothing they can do. I'm livid like what do you mean there's. nothing they can do that's your job you.

just don't know what to do is the. problem you don't know how to be a cop. is the. problem so I'm like I know his probation. officer so I call him up I'm like. hey my dad's D there drug paraphernalia. everywhere the police chief went in. there saw it nothing they can do I'm. like can you go check on him tomorrow he. said yeah went checked on him found all. the needles revoked his probation took.

him into his office my dad calls me he's. like. um M he's high high. kite I'm hey Dad he goes BL you're gonna. have to you have to help me they so. they'll listen to you I'm hey man you're. going to. jail I don't want to go to jail I don't. want to go to jail I'm like hey man. you're going to jail like I can't keep. doing this with you you're going to jail. so hang the phone up I have a breakdown.

I'm like oh my God like if he goes to. jail he's going to get bare minimum care. he's going to die so I call I call him. back hey I'm. like can he go get so he's dying he. needs real medical help can we convince. him to go to the hospital then he can go. back on probation at at the house or. whatever but let's see what's wrong with. him you see yeah we'll do that. took him to the hospital man he was. there two hours they lifelined him to.

some Hospital on. rote next day he's having open heart. surgery he has done so much heroin and. Fentanyl that he has vegetation on his. heart he has what vegetation what does. that even mean mold because drug addicts. use back they don't use they use faucet. water with bacteria so he had shot up so. much that the bacteria in the water had. went to his valve and started creating.

mold that's how much hair one he was. doing holy she had open heart. surgery he dies in. surgery they bring him back to life they. give him a second chance at. life doctor calls me he say. hey he's got like less than 5% chance to. live. I'm like because I had a conversation. with him uh I had a conversation with.

him afterwards they're like he'll wake. up blah blah blah but like we're not. sure and he was. mumbling he's like all I heard was. cremate me and spray my ashes on the. heel the heel was his house was built on. a slope and that was the heel that's the. heel that we played on as. kids and that's all I heard and I was. like oh my God he's going to die Mike. Nicole he's gonna die and. uh dude dude made a miracle just like he.

was a. miracle he woke up the next day. infection no infection vitals were. good everything was good so I told my. wife I said this is my opportunity this. is January of 2023 it's my opportunity. honey to save him I financially can do. it I'm medically retired I have the. time I have to go save him so I packed. some. bags went to the hospital walked in.

didn't even know who he was he's got no. teeth he's weighing at maybe a buck. 30 he's five 510 5'11 pale as can be. looks like he's 90 some years old barely. recognize. him he's talking to me and I'm I'm. talking to him and uh. man I stayed there. I slept in my car in my truck I I slept. with the hospital and called my wife I.

said hey he's agreed to let me help. him she said all right like we have you. have you know my stepmom tried to visit. him Melissa she was kicked out of the. hospital for doing heroin in the. bathroom so like hey she's got to go. she's living in his house she's got to. go so what I did is I came up with a. strategy is I created a renters. document and had my dad sign it and I.

paid him a dollar a month as a renter to. allow me access into the house because. if not I'm just breaking into the house. and she could call the police on me but. she can't no more because I have an. actual contract signed by Jim Cook that. I pay him a dollar a month for my room. downstairs in the basement so I can kick. a door in do whatever I want to to the. house I'm a renter if I break something. I got to pay the landlord and that's him. her name's not on the house just.

his so. man I went down to this house I was like. hey here's a contract I'm staying here. she's like I'm out I'm leaving I'm like. cool that was. easy she gives me the keys she calls. some the drug ad it pick her up I go in. the. house Sean I've been. into thousands of dope pales users. dealers just just disgusting people in. general. the moment I walked in I threw. up the.

smell the. dog was overdosing also had withdrawals. not overdosing had withdrawals from dope. and had diarrhea everywhere there was a. m bucket full of water diarrhea water. where she had tried to clean it up but. it's just sitting there for days. diarrhea all over everything the dog at. one point had been chained to Something. in the door and in a in a back bedroom. on a carpet and there was just and. pee.

everywhere and I'd found out that the. dog had been chewing on. syringes and it was getting. high and they haven't been using there. CU she'd been staying with somebody else. he's been in the hospital so the dog's. having. withdrawals I'm like man I got to clean. this house I had to clean this house I. spent. thousands my childhood best friend and. my cousin on my dad's side nam's Josh. lumbo phenomenal human knew I was in.

town I was actually staying with him I. couldn't stay in the house I would I'd. get. sick I'm I'm on my hands and knees spent. hundreds of dollars on clean up stuff. I'm like shop back and diarrhea ripping. up carpet he shows up and helps me clean. this whole house most disgusting house. I've ever been in and we had it spotless. and she was gone I was I was still. visiting my dad I was making the.

house I fixed the steps I fixed I went. and bought him a bed to to bring. upstairs I didn't want him sleeping on a. dirty mattress we got him brand new. everything and. um she. um sorry I'm having some. get kind of. emotional so I leave to go back home.

this was about a month. later see my family do some things my. dad's still in the. hospital they release him I get home on. a Friday they released him that same. Friday they weren't supposed to they. weren't supposed to releas him release. him till the following weekend I was. going to pick him up he had somehow. convinced somebody. something something happened where they. released him. so I went home I was. home and my Aunt Judy calls me and says.

hey they released your. dad I'm like oh my God I'm not there. what do you mean I can't watch him like. he's going to go. back he gets home that Friday night. drops him off he gets home. immediately he had been in contact with. my stepmom since he's been in the. hospital he somehow got a cell phone and. everything and was able to get in. contact with her we didn't think they. had any contact I thought I had fix that. problem he gets home and she pulls up. maybe 10 minutes later the neighbor.

says about 30 minutes later my dad's. drug dealer Tammy I figured out my dad's. drug dealer I got addresses Sean cars. Mama's House houses they were storing. dope in I had times of houses I I. dedicated the whole month also to. following her around everywhere I had. built a case. for the Sheriff's Office of Wyoming. County everything they need tried to.

give it to their dope cop crickets try. to give it to the sheriff crickets they. wanted me out of that County so bad. because I was forcing them to do a job. they didn't know how to do and I was. calling them out on it I have everything. for you because their excuse was is you. know we don't have enough information on. her cool stand by boom here's everything. phone numbers license plates houses. everything you need her Drop Zones the. day that she gets her. resupply everything I went to full.

straight detective mode again and got. them everything in a big old folder. pictures took pictures of the cars. pictures of her pictures of her mom. pictures of everybody her dog I had. everything in there they wouldn't touch. it wouldn't touch it didn't want nothing. to do with it because that system down. there is so corrupt where is this it's. in Wyoming County West Virginia. it is the good old boy system who pays. the most money is in charge I couldn't.

get help from nobody I went to the. Sheriff's Office to the sheriff himself. who's known me since I was a child I was. told he's just a drug. addict I understand that guys but here. is your number one drug dealer in the. county This Woman's not only serving him. dope but she is traveling from pmell so. there's four towns in where I grew up. conville mollins baileyville oana she. would come once a week and do a round in.

every little town and then go back home. to Princeton she didn't even live there. she drove 30 minutes away I gave them. everything man they told me to off. they want nothing to do with it they. wanted me out of there so. bad so that the night that they got home. my dad left with the drug dealer drug. dealer came and picked him. up they came back home the next sat. Saturday drug dealers stayed there a. little bit they went back to the drug. dealer's.

house and everybody on the to the hill. that I grew up on is was primarily of my. whole family and and the neighbors have. known me since I was a kid when I made. when I tried to move in and made my. stepmother leave dude them old women on. that Hill bait me brownies and cookies. and they were like hey thank you so much. because it has just gotten so bad so. they were calling me and giving me. updates and I'm like trying to get home. I'm like I'm in I'm in North Carolina at. this point so I'm like man I got to.

figure out how to save my dad so I. called my dad up now Sundays came around. Sunday's here I'm like Hey Dad this is. like Sunday night 10 o'clock at night. I'm like what are you doing the. neighbors are calling me you weren't. supposed to leave the house she's not. even the Melissa is not even supposed to. be there the drug dealers has been up. and down the driveway I was dude I was. sending text messages out to deputies to. to police Poli officers she's there. right now this is the car nothing man. crickets so I'm like I got to get down.

there dude I got to do something. so I'm like hey she's got to go I've. already contacted your probation officer. they've already contacted your probation. officer man you're going to jail. tomorrow like you have to it's not he. thought I had some power he's like you. need to fix this I'm like dude what do. you mean I need to fix there's nothing I. can do only thing I'm trying to help you. I'm giving you a call right now telling. you that your probation officer is shown.

up tomorrow she needs to be out the. house he's like all right all right. we'll figure it out I'll figure it out. he had a call at 4 in the. morning um from my Dad's neighbor she. was a younger. girl and Melissa would go down and ask. for a cigarette and and and they pretty. much just pested her she lived in the. house that we grew up in. and I'd been trying to help them get. Melissa out of there too and and trying. to help fix some things around their.

house because my dad was on drugs and. the house was falling apart and they. were renters and uh she said she called. she says. Blake uh Melissa called the cops on you. my how she call the cops on me I am. literally six hours away she's like they. lied they said that you were laying down. the street with a sniper. rifle I was like well I'm home she goes. well. well the police officer took her to the. Master's office and she swore a domestic.

violence protective order out on. you I'm like what and my dad's beeping. in I'm like I gotta go my dad's calling. me I answer the. phone it's last conversation I ever have. with my. father he said you you piece of. we took a DVP out on you I'm going. to go do my time in jail there ain't. you can do you're a piece piece of. worthless. son hung the phone. up so I'm like what is going.

on now I have a DVP taken out on me. that's if found guilty of that that's. worse than being a convicted. felon so I'm like immediately went into. like I got to go stash my gun somewhere. else because then first thing they do. when they serve you that is they take. your. guns but luckily I was four states away. and there's no communication with that. crappy agency there they didn't really.

they don't even know how to handle that. properly thank God it's like the the one. mess up where I took advantage of she. didn't have my address so nobody could. serve me. anything these dudes are calling me. asking me to come turn myself in I'm. like dude I don't know what you're. talking about see you later alligator so. I got up with an attorney who was a. friend of mine Tim lardis. who so my dad so sorry I'm skipping that. Monday morning my dad got arrested from. probation they took him to the. courthouse some people in the courthouse.

know who I am and went to talk to him. and said Jim you have to drop. this he he is a good person he trains. law. enforcement he's not GNA be able to do. his. job my dad said that piece of. didn't drop. it so I got up with Tim leartis who was. my dad's really good friend growing up. who's an attorney there represented me. for free he helped me figure out a.

solution out so I did some smart things. while my dad was in the hospital right. because he needed my help nobody else. could help him except for me I made him. sign his Social Security checks over to. my house all of his retirement money. went to my mailbox in North. Carolina so she didn't have access to it. anymore and if he did that I would buy. him dinner was in the hospital I'd. helped take care of him I clean his. house do whatever he needed me to.

do well he did all this and I was like. okay I have an advantage here she won't. get any money for dope it's the end of. the month she's not getting any money. for dope and she needs a fix so I called. her up I said hey Tim aars was like hey. let's let's offer something I said all. right I was like 450 bucks I don't know. I came up with a number it was. 450 and I said. hey if you drop.

this I'll pay. $450 and every month I'll mail my dad's. checks to you so you can cash them. because the little fast check General. store grocery store in our hometown was. allowing her knowing that my dad's in. jail or in the hospital sign the back of. his checks and cash them and then go buy. dope with them. so but they would get like a 10% of the. of the whatever 3% whatever they were.

making money they didn't care so they. allowed her to to fraudulently sign his. checks and cash. them the whole town is crazy. so. um she says she goes yeah we could do. that I say look cuz it's thousands of. dollars in his retirement social. security I'm like I care what you do. with the money I'll mail it to you every. month soon as I get it I'll mail it I'll. overnight it I'm panicking Sean I ain't.

slept in two. days because what if she gets up there. and bses and some female judge believes. her and I get convicted I'm done I'm I. mean there's your guns are gone. everything what am I going to do it's. all I know is how to run a gun it's all. I've done my whole adult. life she said. I'll do that under one. condition I said. what you have to write an apology letter.

to your dad's drug. dealer because she knows you've been. following her because I knocked on her. door and asked her to stop selling my. dad drugs and stuff pretty much. terrorized her to run her away I'm. trying to save my Dad's life didn't. break the law didn't do anything that I. wasn't supposed to I just made my. presence known and I said you want me to. write a a an apology letter to my dad's.

drug dealer she said it's the only way. that I'm going to drop. this I was like oh. man oh man what do I. do I wrote a. letter I had a conversation with Kyle. about this not too long ago that letter. was not to her that letter was to myself. that was an apology to myself. for acting the way that I had acted out. of character risking my family's.

future to do things that I shouldn't. have been doing so I wrote the letter. and I sent it to her and they dropped. it it's the last conversation I ever had. with my. dad man I'm sorry so it's a little. frustration there and. uh I heard from him. about about a week ago he got out of. jail spent a year in jail he said hey. Blake I love. you I didn't respond hey I just want to.

know you're. okay and two days ago I got a text I. blocked the. number I'd appreciate. you letting me know that you're. okay I. said I'm not going back to this I'm not. going back to this because after they. dropped that DVP and after that justice. system and law enforcement that I've. dedicated so much time I trained their.

little SWAT team for. free 15 20. times because I wanted to give back to. my community that I grew up in I have a. a a small skill set I have a passion for. this I want to help you but when I ask. for help of just doing your job it was. crickets I was trying to do the right. thing I was so. close in my mind of helping him and all. I needed was a Little Help from the law.

to do their. job and they failed. me. completely so after they dropped that I. said man law. enforcement this. community and I went straight alcoholic. man I drink every day all day hate push. my family family away passing out drunk. in my backyard by a. fire and I'd finally.

realized that I'm never going to get. over. this and the only way to get over this. is to take my. life that was in. April I knew my son's birthday was May. 22nd I said man I can't take my life. before his. birthday I can't take that from it. and at the time I'm not thinking. straight right whether I take it before. or after still going to Ru his birthday.

right but I was trying to put his. feelings first somehow and say I'm GNA. wait so that was about two weeks when I. started really deciding that you know. I'm dragging my family through the mud. I'm feeling like. this I can't I need to set them free. I am failed I am I am dead inside from. my dad's addiction because I did I tried.

I tried to save him and I failed I. failed miserably and I thought that I. actually had a chance to save him and I. was taking it out on my family by. drinking pushing them away staying on my. phone so I was like hey. man it's time to prepare things for. when you're. gone.

so first thing. bills made sure everything was on. autodraft on one card boom paperwork for. the house for the. cars everything went in my safe labeled. to my wife and said to my wife here are. the. documents uh everything life insurance. whatever everything that was important. for my.

afterlife to to help. her have have somewhat of a smooth. transition in my opinion was there May. 22nd came we were in Tennessee does she. know this she knows it. now I shared this story at her at our. blueberry couples Camp last year it's. the first time that anybody's ever heard. it i h in for months before I ever spoke. about it out. loud and um May 22nd came we were in.

Tennessee visiting my brother had my. son's birthday with my family we came. back. home we got home I texted Kyle so I. talked to Kyle previously on social. media um when I was first went. to help my dad and then I had to drive. home to get. resupply his this show gave me hope I.

listen to his episode I don't listen to. I don't listen I'm not real big into. listen to people's podcasts and stuff I. if I listen to a podcast it's like the. legends of the old west Billy the Kid. things like that that's what I really. like but I was like man I need something. that's I'm tired of listening to music I. don't want to listen to music I tried. listen to a couple other people's but I. was just not mentally there and there. was something about Kyle's podcast I. talked to him a few times on Instagram. maybe one or two times remember I was. transitioning from Glocks to sigs I knew.

that he had just started shooting sigs I. was asking him some questions small. Instagram talk and I listened to the. podcast and I heard his story right and. I'll see him I'm getting chills man and. I was seeing what he was doing I thought. oh my God he was he was addicted a. little bit right look at him now I can. save my dad there's hope that people can. be addicted and be saved. because in my whole law enforcement. career it was just drug addicts dying. all the time overdosing it was horrible.

but now there's one positive story of. somebody that has overcame this I can. help my dad and that's what gave me the. motivation to to do what I tried to do. on those two or three months that I was. there. so at the time I was training tactical. teams through the colleges so North. Carolina how that works is a college can. because there's only like for like. training wise you know a college can. host a course have me come as in as an.

instructor it's free to law enforcement. officers and then the state reimbursed. the college for paying me it's a great. system so I was doing that through the. colleges and I was like man I love I. still love the law enforcement Community. even though I was mad at the certain. group that failed to do their job I love. cops man uh I think I think what they do. every day is. courageous and I was like. man I'm going to reach out to this guy.

I'm G give I'm. gonna give him the advice on how to. teach cops through the colleges if. they're going to get any. training it might as well by be by. somebody like. him because there's so many fake. trainers out there right he's got to be. legit he seems. genuine I reached out to him May 23rd. and said hey. man do you have time for a quick phone. call he was like uh sent me a picture I.

still have it it was a uh it was weights. and he's like hey I'm working out I'll. call you in a little bit or can I call. you a little bit I was like yeah man. absolutely the day came no phone call. May 24th came didn't know this at the. time I didn't even know this. until when I talked about it at the. coup's camp May 24th 20 2012 is the day. I got blown. up May 24th. 2023 is the day that I drove my truck my.

service dog goes everywhere with me I. put her in a kennel I kissed her and. uh I drove to Marshall's parking lot in. wilmingon parked at the very end and. rolled all my windows. down I wanted somebody to hear The. Gunshot and I wanted somebody to call. the police and I wanted somebody to find. me before the birds come in and eat me. away I um bow my head on the sering wh.

and I said God please forgive me I'm in. pain I don't want to go to hell please. don't send me to hell for this I'm just. hurting and. um I said amen and. um I went to grab the gun my hand grabs. the. gun my phone. rings I remember the last two digits of.

this number. 82 this last two digits Kyle's phone. number because I remembered he was in. the. 82nd it was Kyle calling. me as I had my hand on the gun grabbing. it he was calling me. back squeaky wheel gets the grease my. phone made a. noise I grabbed my.

phone I am so. grateful for that phone call. um man I am so. grateful for that phone call cuz the. things I would have missed out on in. life man it just wasn't that bad. so a big beautiful man called me I.

answer the phone said. hello and uh he said hey. man hey man sorry I didn't call you back. yesterday I said hey man you callin had. a great. time you callin had a great. [Laughter]. time he's like you busy I'm like. nope ah no I'm not man he goes hey uh. yeah yeah I got your message I was like.

yeah started talking to him about the. colleges he's like uh yeah man that. sounds great that sounds great he goes. um hey do you know anybody that uh I. just had a cancellation in my protector. mindset course do you know anybody that. you used to work with from on on the. team that would want to come and take it. I'm like I don't know anybody right now. like I'm in the middle of something like. I'm like no I don't he go oh all right. um you want to come take. it I said you want me to come take your.

course bro I'm about to I'm about to. kill myself right now you said that no. no no no I didn't tell him he didn't. know this until months later till he. heard it at the coup's. camp I'm like dude in my mind I'm like. I'm about to kill myself I'm not going. to tell you yes but the other half of me. was. like gave me a little hope gave me. something to look forward. to another I love CQB man I love.

shooting I love this. industry I thought I like yeah man I'll. come take that course dude hung the. phone up Sean I was so. excited I was like oh my God man I'm. gonna go take this dude's course I've. seen the videos we had a mutual friend. that had taken the course a month or two. prior that was like it's the greatest. course. ever I said man I gota go try it out. and. uh man I sold all my stuff right I. didn't really have much I was so mad at.

law enforcement I was selling all my all. my things giving it away I drove up to. op tactical in Raleigh it's like one of. the best like tactical stores they have. all the good name brand stuff man. dropped a months of money got belts got. all this. stuff I was like man I'm excited I'm. like holy I haven't felt like this. since. months and uh show up to the. course I bought all that stuff on Friday. course was Saturday and Sunday show up.

to the course Saturday. morning and um sitting in the back and. we're introducing ourselves and. introduced myself and kak you know. Blake's Here Blake has his own training. company too so it's it's it's cool to. have him here and I'm. like all how y'all doing I'm I'm truly a. nobody but how you doing. so an hour 45 minutes in this course man. I do some demos with him you know he's. showing the students uh Corner fed what.

one and two looks like and I'm running. reps with. him you you know maybe he just felt that. I was capable of of helping him demo so. after that he's like. hey take this take these six students do. corner fed with them I'm going to take. these other six and do Center fed I'm. like what are you talking about dude. like I have a Delta former unit.

guy that's asking me to take six of his. students that has in entrusted in him. with. money that that he's trusting in me to. to be able to teach. them even this little bit of. knowledge gave me a little fire in my. gut right nervous prob I dude I'm. capable of doing this are you nervous. this is what you you're good at. this I'm like but I can't believe it I'm. like sure dude yeah whatever whatever.

you need Roger that so we go over there. and and then we're switching and then. spend that whole day I'm helping him. teach and then um the next. morning second day of the course um he's. said hey I want you to run the first. scenario. with and then I want you to flow in with. the students and kind of kind of help. guide them a little bit if they get. stuck I'm like yeah cool phenomenal.

course so we're at the end of the. course and the students I'm in the back. sitting down as a. student and these there 12 students I'm. like the. 13th and these students are given the. pros and cons of the course like kind of. like closing statements. right about every student is thaning K. but thanking me from my knowledge. everyone and I'm like what is going.

on I started feeling some selfworth. again I started feeling like maybe I'm. I'm. worthy maybe I shouldn't. die maybe there's a purpose for me here. cuz what really draw me into Kyle was as. he started his course out is we're going. to talk about God and if you don't like. it you can get out. out I was like dude that's how I feel. too but like it's hard to to I'm in a.

bad spot right now right so but the last. students like yeah Blake thank you for. everything thanks for your. knowledge K's like hey man you didn't. notice this job interview did you I'm. like look got moment training company. what you talking about job interview I. started my own training company so we're. competitors no not really but you know. I'm like my and I'm like man I got my. own training company I'm not going to. come work for you what what you talking. about and then we started talking at the.

end of that and. then saved my. life I've been with him ever since and. uh that that the end of. May October 22nd 2023 I was re-baptized. because God gave me a second chance. he put the right people on my path to. save my life and I will spend the rest. of my life honoring.

him and that's what I'm going to do. because he gave me another. opportunity which I feel like I didn't. deserve he took something that the devil. meant for evil and he turned it to. good and he did it to save. me and had I met KY any. sooner I don't think we would have. clicked the way we did I don't think KY. was K had just gotten back from his.

treatment that he. needed to receive me into his. life timing is everything and I don't. believe the day that I grabbed a gun and. my phone went off I don't believe in. coincidences anymore I believe in God's. timing I believe he is the power and he. will guide you in the direction that you. need to be even when you feel like that. you're carrying the load all by yourself. but guess what brother you're not he's.

carrying you and he's carrying the load. to help you get through it and that's. what he. did and that's how me and K. met we've been running and gunning ever. since he's my brother man I love him. more than anything in this. world I I love that man and his family. and Erica and his children they are my. family and uh. I'm just grateful for the opportunity to. even so I dropped my. company I prayed and prayed and prayed.

man I was like man what do I do this is. I've always wanted to work for. myself. and and then prayers I kept you know. where two or more gathered there I am I. can do it by. myself or we can partner up with kle. as a. team and use our platform to bring. people closer to him and that's what.

we're. doing we're also teaching you to be men. but more importantly we want you to be. Christian men and. women so the Next Generation sees what. that looks. like. wow I definitely was not expecting to. hear that. saved my. life I'm beyond grateful man I. am the opportunities man Sean is.

is you I did a August last. year couple months after I met call we. got hooked up with BN peram of we did. this video shoot for him in Arizona. riding around in. hilos and I remember sitting there. hanging off the side of it Kyle's to my. right. two. former um still team six guys on the on. the back end I'm. like what are you doing here this is all.

God I'm just a cop I'm just a at the end. of the day I'm just a cop I have a. former unit. guy and I have. two former s team six guys behind me and. I'm the Fourth Man. God is good when you submit to. him fully submit to him after everything.

I just went. through here I am flying around on a on. a on a little bird. with with these. guys and that was when I. realized man this is all. God this is all God here I am. and here I am before you Sean on. probably the most respected platform in.

the world in my. opinion and I was just a. cop God is. great he will put you where you need to. be whether it's one person or a 100,00. or a. million that can be saved by this. message even if it's just one person I. am where I'm supposed to be on the day. that I'm supposed to be here with the. person that I'm supposed to be with and. I truly believe that I believe that.

too. powerful. very. wow that um. what did Kyle do when you he found out. about.

that so my wife was the first time my. wife ever heard about it that was the. first time anybody had heard anybody had. ever heard anybody at. all it was the second night of the. couple holy everybody was. crying I was crying my wife was crying. wife was a little upset with. me cuz. she come talk to me I'm like I wasn't. thinking. straight I was thinking that I was. saving y'all from.

me is what I was thinking I'm saving you. from the. monster I swore when I married you. promise you nobody would ever hurt you. again and I'm I'm saving you from from. me I'm I'm not physically hurting her. I've never physically hurt excuse me. physically ever hurt my. wife but I was. emotionally hurting. her by just being an.

being a. drunk so I was going to save my family. does your son. know. no he's going to now isn't he yeah he. listens to your podcast how are you. going to handle that. man he's such a cool. kid he's so. understanding he is.

uh he is just such a good. son and and we're going to watch the. episode. together and we're going to have. conversations. that's what I told him he asked can I. watch the. episode yes but not on your.

own I'll watch it with. you because I don't want him to hear. that and. think that I was giving up on them I. wanted to protect. them I just wasn't thinking right at the. time because I was mentally dying from. somebody else's drug addiction. I had put my dad in front of my family. for the first time thought that I could. save him because I they can save.

anything you. know and I. failed and I felt like a. failure and then I felt like a failure. as a father for putting them second and. then still. failing and then now I'm failing at home. after my failure of my. father it was time for me to go. but I think he's understanding enough to. know because he has watched.

the he watches everything I. do you know and I love that kid man he's. my. hero he. is you know his his dad sucks his real. dad. sucks he's he he knows this but he's. smuggles. drugs with boats he's a boat captain. drives to Mexico and Florida all the. time he's been arrested he's got a more.

rap he's got a longer rrap sheet. than. um about any criminal I've ever arrested. my son Googled his he Googled his name. one time found out that a month prior he. had been in a hostage situation in. Myrtle. Beach he took his girlfriend hostage and. threatened to kill the stops or an. 18-hour. standoff so you know we we have some. conversations we talk and um we're very.

open in our house about our emotions and. feelings and. uh he's 16 but man he's acts like a. grownup he's a he's a phenomenal human. what's his name his name is Henry Stacy. Hay he used to call him Stacy got made. fun of in high school I think so he goes. by Henry. but I found out recently that Hank is. short for Henry so now I call him. Hank sounds cool he likes it so you.

won't tell him this before he watches. we're going to talk about it yeah I. don't want it to be a shock we're going. to sit down as a family and have the. conversation of hey we're going to. listen to this. show we're going to talk about this and. I'll explain to him everything that he's. going to hear that could harm him or. hurt him or not hurt him but he be. confused on I want him to hear it from. me.

directly before the show comes out how. long have you known this is how you're. going to do. it going to do. what talk to him about this. yeah oh man Sean this. is did you know this before we. spoke I've never told. nobody and I knew he would never find. out but when he heard I was coming on. the show he was excited cuz he had.

watched some other. episodes and uh he's like you know you g. to talk about things I don't know I'm. like yeah what is it I'm like. well kind of I've been hesitant to ever. do anything like. this is because I don't want him to be. confused but he understands trauma M and. he understands that. that relationship with my dad he. understands that PTSD from law.

enforcement he understands my injury. from when I was in the Army he. understands that I I have some trauma. and he hases a great job at at keeping. me happy and keeping me active he's a. major part of who I am now but I'm going. to talk to him about it because I think. he needs to hear it from me first. rather than hearing it on a podcast as a. family we're going to talk about it and. we're going to talk about this is what. happened this is why it.

happened this is why I was. upset and he's so smart in understanding. that I know that he's going to. understand because he's just he's just. like that he's just a he's a phenomenal. person and he's understanding and I. don't think it's going to be you know is. it something that I did that was my. biggest worry was you know was it me and. Mom you know but no man it was just me. my own demons trying to save somebody.

that didn't want to be. saved was hard and then failing at that. when you thought that you could and he. understands that that we call used to. call him Papa Jim my. dad he hasn't seen him in. years since 2018. well he saw him two years ago. we were back. home and we met with my dad at a state.

park at a little. restaurant and my dad was like shaking. and and it looked horrible and we had a. long drive home and we explained it. and I told him that I'm not going to. expose him to Pall gym anymore to. protect him and he. understood he was a little kind of. scared why he was like that and I was. like well he's on. drugs 15 man I can't can't hide that.

from you he's on drugs because you could. just tell he's on drugs I mean scabs. shaking mouth doing all the things you. could just tell so we had a long. conversation that whole day about about. that and he agreed that he doesn't want. to see that no more. are you expecting some tough questions. yeah he's intelligent what do you think.

the I don't even know the first question. will be I don't even. know I'm. scared to be honest with you I am scared. of those what those questions are going. to. be but I'm going to answer them answer. them with. honesty it's out am i g to hide anything. or try to make it sound better it's. out maybe he can take something away.

from this that you. know one that God is. good that don't ever give up on life. don't ever give up on. yourself and don't ever run when things. get. hard cuz now he sees POS Positive Growth. he sees what we're doing now he's. already seen me at my. worse but I didn't give up by the grace.

of. God and things get. better life is hard but things always. get better at the end of every. rainstorm the Sun comes. out you just got to Bear through the. storm and I hope that's what he learns. from. this but he's going to answer he's going. to ask some tough questions. there's a lot of lessons to learn from. in this already yeah we just getting.

started take a break let's take a break. take a. break you all right Ben yeah good I felt. good some heavy. stuff yeah felt good good first time. I've ever talked about it other than. with my wife and Kyle and Kyle's wife. Eric. so you a lot of my followers on. Instagram have a understanding of what. I've been. through but they don't have a true.

understanding because everything you. post online can be made to look a little. better right. so but you know if you put. yourself out there to to fight evil or. to do anything in that line of. work trauma is going to happen not meant. to see things that we've seen or do. things that we've. done and that's that's what I think he. he really understands is I don't have a.

normal job nor did I have a normal job. nor did I see normal. things and and with that comes some. trauma so yeah I felt good to get it out. been holding that in for a long. time and I hope that it just reaches one. person I think it's going to reach a. hell of a lot more than that yeah you. think so I know so yeah feel. good Blake you got to find forgiveness.

man I am I hope you do on now. um I'm trying to figure out how to find. forgiveness without physically telling. him I forgive. him cuz I don't want to talk to him it's. for you man it's not for. maybe that's that's crazy you said that. cuz me and my wife having this. conversation she said the same.

thing maybe when I'm ready. soon so I can move. on I need to call him and say. look I do love you you are my. father and I forgive you but I can't. carry on this. relationship and I think maybe that's. what needs to be said. truly but yeah you're right I need a. forgive. him and I feel like I'm ready to forgive.

him I'm just scared. of his. manipulation he's already messaged me. tell me he's. sober I'm 18 months sober dog that don't. even make. sense you were only in jail for N9. months and the last time I saw you you. were on. drugs still with my stepmom so I can't. help him. she. is she is. um I have videos of her can't even put. her shoes on she is a he's bad drug.

addict she is the worst drug addict I've. ever seen as long as he is with. her he'll never get. clean he'll never get clean moment he. went to jail she had some other dude. living in the house begging. him she'll never get clean. and I'm so. scared that that phone call for. forgiveness is going to lead.

to trying to save him. again that's what I'm scared of because. where I am now and who I am. now is not the same person I was I'm a. year sober from alcohol I haven't had a. drink or did I want to drink alcohol in. this last year. year because I can feel God in my soul. and it's not that alcohol is bad you're. going to hell for.

drinking man it just doesn't do well. with. me it brings the worst out in. me and my problem is is once I get that. feeling of the. buzz dude it's like riding the bll man I. ain't. stopping maybe it doesn't have to be a. call maybe it could be a written. letter I thought about.

it I'm just going to have to not put my. return add he don't know they don't know. my address anytime I mail those other. checks I didn't put a return address or. I made one. up but there's no I think it does two. things. it allows your dad to. die knowing that you forgave.

him. yeah and it set you. free. yeah let's take that. break yeah. I want to introduce you to a company.

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SRS that's all lowercase go to. shopify.com. SRS to upgrade your selling today. shopify.com. SRS all right Blake we're back from the. break and. um wow. I. uh was not expecting to get that deep. that fast and um know deep quick yeah it.

did it did it definitely did I am. curious what did. um what did Kyle say when he heard. that he gave me the biggest. hug he was. crying and uh just told me he love me. and and said I want you to know. that as much as you needed me I needed. you in that exact moment wow so that was.

uh that was just good to. hear it was really good to hear how much. time had. passed. since. between 6 months 6 months you'd known. him for 6 months since that call that. was uh November I think we did the camp. in October and November but that was May. May when it. happened he found out I think it was.

November that is definitely some divine. intervention. yeah truly was pretty. amazing very. amazing wow. incredible well let's move uh let's move. into.

Wow Let's Move On past High. School let's go to college let's go to. college that was a ride was it that was. a. ride Rod that train hard so I got a. football. scholarship and. uh man I. was I thought it was the greatest thing. ever so I got to Concord University. which is a school in West Virginia. Southern West Virginia and.

um I got there and come from a small. town like our partying was different man. our partying was in the fields chucking. budlight and drinking bardi 151 by fire. right that's more dudes than girls. whatever you know it's the country when. h i mean i. grew up with half I grew up with. everybody that was there anyways I've. known my whole life so I go to college. man and um went went early for for a.

summer practice it was kind of boring. it's just football all day meetings in. the morning meetings in the afternoon. practice in the morning practice at. night I was like oh God this sucks so. then the rest of the students started. coming in and um right as football was. starting up. I went to my. first massive college party and it was. in like an apartment complex it was like.

all these apartments were having one big. party you could go from apartment to. apartment so I go down to this one guy's. apartment and he's n man football. players aren't allowed in here I'm like. get out of here man get out of my way. big boy I man I thought I was something. I was couldn't tell me nothing I was 18. I was had a football scholarship I was. on the football team I took two steps. this dude came up behind me and punched. the living fire out of me boom knocked. me out fell down the steps I woke up my.

buddies are carrying me to the car and. uh they went back in the party and I. laid in the car in pain there's a small. bone that's like right here that he had. broken and I had to go to the doctor the. next morning and. um had to go tell my football coach I. can't play cuz I was at a party that. where you supposed to be at you know we. weren't supposed to. party he's like well fine you're not. playing he goes.

um you know you're going to be red. shirted and and you know don't even know. if for going to carry on your. scholarship next year I was like all. right understand I understand. whatever so man for the next like two or. three months I never I didn't go to one. class not one class I didn't even know. where my class was I knew where the food. Hall was and the. gym and I stayed in my room and played. Xbox all the time that was back. when um Call of Duty when they had the.

zombies the zombie game man I was. playing that all the time partying at. night time about. November well October right before. Halloween I go to my room and on my door. is this letter from the. college I'm like what is this. take it off go in my room open it up. it's like ah uh Dear Mr cook uh you have. zero attendance your grade point average. is zero um we're informing you that if.

you don't bring your grades up zero Zer. literally zero zero holy I didn't. go to one. class and um if you don't bring your. your grades up or make an. effort then we're we're going to have to. remove you from the college well that. should be easy there's nowhere to go but. up I was like I reading it I was. like bought it up Sean in this most. beautiful rounded small little tennis.

ball. Kobe threw it away I said they're not. going to kick me out of here No Child. Left Behind I'm like dude now I'm like. bro it's not high school you know what. I'm. saying dude month and a half later we're. we're coming up on Christmas. break people standing by my door I go to. my room they're like hey Mr cook how are. you I'm so and so I'm in the. administrative office I'm like hey yeah.

how are you did you get your letter yeah. you got a letter and you still didn't go. to class no they're like oh cool make. sure you leave nothing behind when you. leave here for Christmas break you're no. longer enrolled here I was like oh my. God I'm like no let's work something out. here right I can't go home I'm. embarrassed my mom's going to kill me. she's like n man you got to go home so I. call my mom I'm embarrassed she's like. ah she's like oh you idiot blah blah. blah she's like you know what. everything's going to be okay she fine I.

understand maybe you just couldn't. handle you know a a college a university. I'm like all right Mom yeah you're right. can't she's like all right cool I'm. going to roll you in a community college. we're going to get your grades back up. and then we're going to go talk to him. them see if we can get you back in there. I'm like absolutely Mama that sounds. like a great plan. I attended the first class for 15. minutes and I was like this ain't for me. I got up left my notebook and everything.

in there told the teacher I was going to. the bathroom never came back well my mom. said I couldn't find a party where I. grew up by this point she was living in. a little bit bigger city with like. 20,000 people what my mom didn't. know is I could find a party in that. City because Applebees had happy hour at. 12: :00 and I got drunk with a bunch of. moms with their kids in the little. carriers on the ground like every day so.

I didn't go to. class and my mom was. infuriated cuz there she was she had. tried I kept telling her mom maybe. school's not for me I'll get a job I'll. take a break I'll mature a little bit. she's like oh cool she's like let's try. that it's like all right. so I stalled for like a. year I sleeped all day played Call of. Duty all night hey Mom I'm be a. professional gamer she's said no you.

gotta go get a real job you're a loser. I'm like no I'm not I'm working on a. career she's like playing video games is. not a career so finally one day she. comes home and by this time she she had. met my stepdad and my stepdad was trying. to get me to go like he worked he did. something like like delivering stuff for. the coons and he was like hey. uh he took me to work with him one day. and I was like oh my God this sucks I. don't want to do this and uh finally she. came in she's like hey um you need to.

find a job or you going have to. go mom where am I going to go she's like. I don't know you can't keep living here. because I'm just supporting. this I'm like okay it's my mom I'm the. I'm the baby child you're not kicking me. out you kidding me my mom and papa would. light you up you kick me out of this. house that's her mom and dad so I'm like. all right whatever so I'm playing video. games she calls me up she's like hey um. you find a job I'm like I'm I'm you I'm.

going go try hibbit. Sports um up at that new shopping center. complex she's like okay all right so I. go up there and I'm like oh man please. give me a job I'm like I'm looking like. a bag of ass right I got like sandals on. and some and some gem shorts and a dirty. shirt with Dorito cheese all over it and. a hat backwards I'm hey man y'all hiring. they're like oh we're not hiring you. I was. like wow I thought this was going to be. easy so I go outside and I'm sitting on. the. bench I'm like oh my God she's really.

going to kick you out the house where. where are you going to work I'm like I'm. not going to McDonald's I'm not no we'll. figure this. out I hear this guy he's like hey man. you okay and I look. up he kind of a bigger dude and he's got. um the old digital camo on. uh said United States Army I was like a. man I'm not doing so good I'm like my. mom's about to kick me out of the house.

I need a job he's like you need a job. how old are you I'm like uh at that. point I was 20 I like I'm. 20 he goes come on inside let me talk to. you he's like what do you do for fun I'm. like man I play Call of Duty he was like. oh yeah he goes let me talk to you about. real life Call of Duty it's just like. Call of Duty I was like I was like. dude just like Call of Duty I'm like I'm. down I'm like let's go we go.

inside to do the little like uh computer. ASVAB thing got got my score he's like. um he's like what do you want to do I'm. like I don't know he goes how about the. Infantry I was. like what's it like he goes Call of Duty. man he goes front lines he goes just. like the game you play all the cool gear. I was like yeah I want to do that he's. like all right cool signed up got a ship. date for like that was ship date was in.

January or December of 2010 and. uh I go home my mom I'm playing video. games and she goes you still here do you. get a job I'm like I did she goes oh man. I'm so proud of you she goes what are. you doing I'm like. Mama join the. Army she's like oh my God I killed my. baby tell him you can't go I was like I.

don't think that's how that works Mom. I'm like I've already signed paperwork. I'm I'm fully committed she goes oh my. God I killed him she's like all. hysterical I'm like no no then my set. dad like no it be be be it's good for. him he'll be all right when my grandpa. was in Vietnam my grandpa called her I. was like Tammy he needs it my uncle was. in the Air Force for us he needs it he. is a bum right now he has no. guidance. um there's no.

discipline all right because I've been. handed everything because of football. high. school like it's Friday you have a game. tonight put your head down take a nap. basketball Tuesday Fridays take a. nap you want to go hey I'm kind of. hungry I can't play tonight on empty. stomach hey we go down to the ca serious. if they'll feed you like baby all. through school didn't do anything in. school and um so I I was you know I.

failed myself as as a young kid but the. people that were supposed to be molding. me didn't do that either so I had no. drive no discipline no nothing so I get. sent to um Fort Benning Georgia and I'm. like oh my God what did I sign up for. soon as I got off the bus everybody's. yelling it's complete chaos people are. holding bags over their heads I'm like.

this I didn't see this on Call of Duty. this wasn't on Call of Duty no it wasn't. y'all supposed to hand me some sexy. stuff I got a bag and y'all are yelling. at me so um I did basic right my. recruiter didn't give me anything in my. contract nothing I didn't have anything. so about two months in I I started. asking people what they're doing so. people like oh man I have you know the. the um 18 x-ray Special Forces I got I.

got uh Airborne contract I got this and. I'm like man I got nothing I got I don't. have. anything I'm like you know people got. bonuses and I'm. like if I ever go back home I'm gonna. fight this dude he lied to me it's not. like Call of Duty everybody else in here. getting paid pretty good I don't have. anything in my cont. so about two months in basic the joural. structure comes in he's like reading off. everybody's Duty assignments of where. they're going you know people with. Airborne contract some are going to. Italy some are going to brag obviously.

the uh 18x guys are going to brag and. they're like cook. Korea I'm. like huh what do you mean Korea like I'm. the youngest child like when we went to. like Chinese restaurants and stuff my. mom took me to McDonald's how I can't. I'm not going to eat their food I don't. know what food they got there but I'm. going to starve what are we talking. about I can't go there are you. absolutely kidding me so I'm like I'm.

panicking I'm like man I'm like some. other guys are like oh man South Korea. that's kind of cool I'm like that's not. cool like at this point I was dedicated. right I I wanted. to go fight bad guys you know I once I. put the uniform on because I come from a. family of of military people and I'm. that I'm that I'm that generation now my. my younger half brother is now he's in. the 82 but I was the first one from from.

from as the kids to go do something. so I was listening to all like the Toby. Keith music and stuff before I left get. myself all like hyped up you know the. American Soldier so by this point I was. like I was kind of in it man I was like. man it's kind of interesting whatever. but I wanted to go do something I didn't. just I didn't know anything about what I. was doing in the first place but I know. I didn't want to go to to Korea cuz I. knew that guys didn't deploy from Korea. to to go fight a war and we were still. in war right so if I'm here let's go do. it I still had that as they were.

starting to mold me to understanding of. of my purpose why I'm here right I'm. here I'm here to go fight a war go fight. bad guys so I'm like I go in there that. was on like a like a. Friday and uh Sunday it's like relax day. or whatever cleaning guns whatever we're. doing I find my drill sergeant I'm like. Hey sir I'm like uh U Sant rord hey. Stant rord or drill sergeant can I can I. talk to you he's like what you got I'm. like hey I can't go to.

Korea he's like wow I'm like well one. like for real I I don't eat any kind of. food like that he's like shut up and get. out of here private I'm like no no for. real I want to go do. something I want to go to war you have. to help me get somewhere that's going to. deploy me I didn't just sign up for this. to have a job now I know my purpose I. understand why I'm here and I understand. the importance of why I'm here I. understand that there are people who. have died wearing this exact uniform. that I'm wearing I want a.

purpose he. goes pulls out he said what what have. you gotten on your last PT test I'd. maxed out 300s on all my PT tests I. actually trained for this I didn't have. a job right so I had six months to train. I trained every day I ran all the time I. did everything I could because i' had. been told that you can get contracts in. basic so I'm like I want I heard that I. can get an Airborne. contract he's like look you get 300 on.

your next PT test it was it was coming. up to be like the last PT test uh before. AIT he's like you get a 300 on your PT. test and I'll give you an Airborne. contract because you have the highest. score here you've had consistent 300s. I'll give you an Airborne contract. I was like yeah I was like I can do that. PT test was coming up about three days. two days before the PT test I came down. with the.

flu diarrhea throwing up feeling weak. I'm like oh man dude I'm really going to. Korea and the night of the before the PT. test my bunkmate was like Hey cook he. goes uh know you ain't been feeling well. but you want to buy something that'll. give you energy I'm like what what what. could you possibly have like packs of. sugar he stole like he go no no no I was. able to get a 5our energy shot from um.

the. commissary I was like yeah I was like. how much he's like. $100 I was like done done I'll get you. the money when we get out he goes all. right man I rip that thing the next. morning man I I was thrown up on that. run but I'm so dedicated to get out of a. deployment to Korea or uh uh spe. stationed in Korea that I maxed out that. PT test I got a 300 no so I mean I.

I'm pretty sure i' I'd myself on. that run I wasn't stopping I wasn't. stopping to puke I had I had to do this. like because the push-ups and setups. were easy for me but it was always the. run that I always came so close to to. always passing to get the 300 It Was. Always by like seconds. and I didn't have seconds to spare and I. was feeling horrible so they um ruford. held up to his end of the bargain and.

gave me an Airborne. contract. so. um got the orders everybody else again. was pretty much going to Italy few were. going to brag and hey we'll get you to. brag I was like man that's great I'll. take you brag an hour and a half from. Myrtle Beach 4 hours from home. like that's that's that's okay I can do. that I like. that then I got to you know went to. Airborne school and. um man it's just just.

another you know month of just being. treated like. and you know now I'm talking to. guys there that are like yeah yeah I'm. like oh where y'all going they like oh. you know we're going to rasp after this. I'm like well what's that they're like. ah you Ranger selection I'm like dude. how did I not get any of this like. forgot what my asab score was but it it. it was it was high enough to get these. qualifications I don't know I can't. remember what it.

was it was like it was like I don't know. like 101 or something like that I'm not. sure but it was high enough to get these. contracts my recruiter just I was easy. yeah was like a stray dog outside and he. gave me a little puppy chow little. little food and I was happy he gave me a. job to I didn't think of the bigger. picture. and I was like. man I got to get there you know it. sounds cool you know that's the kind of. people I want to be with so I get to the. 82nd get a.

brag it was really cool man I was just. like seeing all these like Maroon Berets. and just the kind of the vibe that. people were putting out. and I was like yeah this is I like this. place this is cool but when I got to my. company man you just get treated like. there's like no true leaders at at. that time in the 82nd everybody just. treat you like there's nobody. taking care of you nobody helping you or. trying to be a. leader you got people that have never.

been leaders a day in their life like E4. like the E4. Mafia dude those dudes would treat you. beat you down and treat you like. physically hit you and treat you like. then expect for you to have. morale it and then the squad leaders. would come down after doing nothing all. day long instead of like going to do. training 5:00 comes around it's time to. go home hey we got to go do area. beautification that's not what I signed. up for I would have signed up for it all.

this is. ridiculous I was like this I can't. because at that point I was like 20. years I can do 20 years retire at at 40. years old yeah I could do that at this. point I I I'm I'm like committed I'm in. this I'm like man I'm type of people I. want to be around but man that. um I was very proudful wearing my maroon. Beret in in my 82nd patch but it was. like every day bad leadership was.

sucking the morale out of me I'm like I. want to do this but I got to I got to. get out I got to go maybe try out for. something else and that was when I saw. my first SF guy I was we were in a gym. and he was walking in had a Green Beret. and I was like man what is that he said. Special Forces I looked it up I was like. man that's I got to get there that's. what I want to do um I want to go be I. want to go to Ranger school wanted to do. this and I had a horrible Staff Sergeant.

at the time I mean he was just redneck. from Louisiana that just was he had. failed selection like three times failed. Rangers School didn't want any of his. guys going anywhere right because if I. pass Ranger school and I have a. tab what does he look like jealousy he. didn't want any office going anywhere. dude I was smoking them. MPT they would punish me by like stupid. punishments by trying to smoke me I.

looked at it as a. workout smoke me out for hours that just. means I don't go to the gym after this I. enjoy it I'm working out I enjoy working. out I was taking all that hatred that we. had talked about and I would put it into. working out I enjoyed it push-ups front. L arrest whatever cuz guess what you're. not going to do it till I die eventually. you have to stop and I just got to. outlast you and I. can but it was just all the time there. just there was no.

training I think I did CQB like. twice like the rest of it was walking. around area J in the woods acting like. we were taking contact like there's no. real training I'm like man this is this. is not it's got to be something better. than this cuz my motivation I've been. there for eight months and I'm like. ready to leave I'm like this sucks I'm. getting treated like every day just. for being good at PT or like not being.

able to take the machine gun like the. the 240 at a certain time while people. are yelling at me and while I'm doing. jumping jacks I can't take this machine. gun apart fast enough and neither could. they that's the problem I was being. asked to do things that they couldn't. do but because they had been there and. they deployed some BS deployment to Iraq. and didn't do anything but sit on a fob. they were Superior to us. cherries they thought they done. something for their.

country so instead of just taking us. under our wings and teaching us the ways. you treated us like. you killed our motivation hey. brother we are your backup we are the. people that are going to be fighting. next to you you don't want somebody next. to you that hates. you when you're trying to fight for your. life because if you get shot I'm gonna. have to help you you don't want somebody. that hates you to help you so how about. you build us up but it never got to that. point it never it just I saw the first.

Green Beret and I was like that's what I. want to. do I want to be that guy I started. looking into it I'd see I see somebody. that was in SF and I'd ask them. questions they were they're nice. guys hey man what's it like hey you know. we do this this this is grown-up rules. Big Boy rules I'm like dude I got to get. there cuz I spent like my whole youth. being a part of a really good team. football basketball I always wanted to.

be the best I wanted to be on the best. team to win and I wasn't on the best. team to. win and I didn't want to go to war not. being on the best team. so I asked if I could go to the. selection no I asked to go to Ranger. school. no we're locked in we have we have an. appointment coming up or we have. training coming up we don't have guys to.

spare we're already. short I'm like man you should want me to. go do these things like as a leader I. want you to be better because if you go. and do these things and I and I help. build you up then that's an that's a an. example of what a good leader I am. they probably didn't understand that. because that's how their leaders were. you're exactly right it is a domino. effect they've been treated like that. forever and then it just keeps going and.

going and going I think it's making a. change. now mainly because social media right I. think a lot of these leaders have a lot. of squad leaders on on brag that follow. follow us and and want to be good to. their dudes because they're learning. from what we're doing I I think it is. making a change but back then man I. hated going to work I hated it I. couldn't get out of there because nobody. wanted to send anybody because if you.

sent me and I actually came back with a. tab you know and you didn't have one. like y it's it sucked man it it it it. sucked and. then finally I gave up because like. we're locked in on an appointment so. about November of. 2011 we were supposed to deploy to. Afghanistan we went to Louisiana uh no. we were going to go to Louisiana um jrtc. and it got canceled then the deployment.

got. pushed so we did a. jump um supposed to deploy like the. following week so I went in for a. haircut at this place called um. Frederick's Salon in. fville and I went in there and this girl. cut my hair. did a great job talking to her super. awesome person really connected with the. person man I thought she was the most. beautiful thing I've ever seen in my. life man I thought she was.

beautiful and. uh I left say goodbye and then we went. to some other training oh we went to. Delano to train for about two weeks and. I came back and they were like all right. guys your appointment got pushed again. to. February all right whatever so went for. a. haircut and. uh my wife was the one that I connected. with she was like hey she she just got. out of relationship she's dating this.

guy that was in the Q course he went to. Germany and cheated on her and stuff she. was looking for a relationship neither. really was. I and she was like hey um let's all go. out tonight I'm G I'm G hook you up the. girl that was in the chair next to me. she thought you were cute I'll set it up. and we just go out tonight bring some of. your friends I was like yeah that's. awesome let's do that and uh we go to to. my uh my wife's. apartment and the girl never. showed so like all right so we all just.

started hanging out and then me and my. wife started hanging. out and uh stayed all night with her. didn't have sex thought that was. awesome. um got married like 41 Days Later 41. days 41 days. days yeah that date alone is crazy. January 4th 2012 is when I got um. married well we had just found out this. past year her.

grandparents were married January 4th no. way I found out in a newspaper article. that my aunt posted on Facebook that my. dad's parents married January 4th wow no. idea we had no idea wow we have them uh. hanging up in our house both of the. Articles hers is a wedding invitation. mind's an article super crazy very cool. so how I met my. son is about that third or fourth night. I was over at her house. and it was like in one of those old.

historical homes downtown faville that. they turned into like an apartment. complex with like four Apartments they. had a backyard we had a fire going she. had her son she said hey I'm he's in the. bathtub my mom's watching him I'm going. to go put him put him in bed I was like. all right cool I'm setting out by the. fire I'm by myself I hear like little. footprints. I'm like oh what is that this kid runs. over he's like soaking. wet that's on my. lap looks right at me down in my face.

and says I love. you I'm. like who kid is this first of all who's. whose kid is this I'm a little freaked. out she's like oh my God Stacy mom. you're supposed to watch him she's like. he just ran out and uh you know she. she's she's got hip replacement she. can't run after him she's like I'm so. sorry you weren't he weren't supposed to. meet you I was like she's like you know. she didn't want him to meet me obviously. because she don't want to traumatize him. with with you know some some male at his.

house and. um I don't know we got married 41 days. later and uh I just. instant the inst I just felt this. instant love for them that I've never. felt before and. uh what was your second interaction with. him with your. son um we had uh I came over we had I. had breakfast with them and stuff and.

then um about a. week I just instead of staying at the. barracks I just stayed there at their. house and uh when did you start getting. close to. them almost immediately honestly yeah. what Drew you. in he was so. loving he just he was a good kid but man. he was hell on wheels too though one. time I had a discipline I was hey go sit. on your bed he's like little kid man he.

did some he went listen his mom said hey. man yeah go sit on your bed you're in. timeout so he goes and sits on the bed I. hear him in there like messing with the. bed I'm like. hey five more minutes just added he. looks at me dead in my face and. goes five more minutes I was. like I was like I like hey I can't whip. this I can't whip him you GNA have to go.

there and deal with that I was like I'm. about to lose it she what do you do she. start busting out laughing I'm like no. man go in there and who whoop that tail. what are you talking. about so you know we but we've had a. great relationship since day one. since since day one it is. just it's it's just like he's my child. since day one and I wasn't trying to be. his dad he already had one I didn't know.

anything at the time like his dad was. was he knows this but his dad was very. abusive like when I met my wife my wife. had. screws screwing her windshields down not. windshields sorry her windows down in. all of her on in all around the whole. house the whole apartment she had like. five or six. locks on the inside of the doors keeping. them from being kicked in so it was a. always I never knew at the time I didn't.

know I didn't know anything about that I. always thought it was weird I thought. okay well maybe somebody previous to. this but yeah the windows were were. locked back door had the same thing it. was a pretty bad situation that I came. into but I found it out weeks later and. I was like M she's like she didn't tell. me her mom told. me and I confronted her about it she's. like I I don't want you to. leave she's like I'm I'm I'm sorry but I. I figed if I told you you you would.

leave you know it's hard to find. somebody as a single mom anyways but. it's really hard to find somebody that. has a a crazy abusive ex I'm like I'm. not going. nowhere but that don't all I ask for. from here on out is is. honesty and that's what our whole. marriage has been his honesty and and. that was. uh we got married January 4th 2012 like. 41 Days Later went.

down had a marriage at the courthouse. you know got married in in a red button. up with a cheetah print tie you know. some Vans man and uh she she was she's. dressed up nice had some had some guys. from uh the one leader that was. phenomenal. um two leaders one was named Nick. Fredy and the other one was named darta. Dakota cter Santos which ended up. becoming one of my best friends really.

took me under his wing phenomenal human. being he Wass a gym now in Pennsylvania. phenomenal human he. was man he kept me going every day he. was a phenomenal leader and if he would. have stayed in he would have been a. phenomenal leader um but he was there at. my um at my little wedding. and uh you know I didn't know any better. anything at the time and I didn't tell. anybody I got married I didn't tell. anybody and uh so finally the training.

came for jrtc right and I'm uh walking. around. Louisiana my phone's. just like dude who is calling me been. calling me for 10 minutes slow it down. it's like it's like 28 minutes calls. from Mom. I'm. like. dang she found. out I'm like dang this is GNA be bad so.

we carry on with the with the little. training exercise we were doing we get. back to the um little hooches. and I call her and she's she's like my. grandma my Grandma will be her. mom she should have been a cie SP on. Facebook she could have found anything. she was the Facebook Farmville Queen man. she lived on it she goes well well Mom. said that on so and so that so and so.

saw where you got married she goes are. you. married I'm. like yes I am yes I am mom she goes oh. my God oh my God you're an idiot I'm. like they have a great relationship now. but um. I was like she goes I had to find out. through your grandmother on Facebook I'm. like sorry about that I was like makes. you feel any better nobody else knew.

unless you lived here and uh so finally. man we we we got through that and then. um I deployed at the end of February so. I met my wife got married in 41 days. went to training for a. month right after I got married and then. deployed two weeks after I got home wow. so how'd you propose to your. wife the private way you know um there's.

a little bar restaurant downtown called. husk Hardware it's the first place we. ever went to we uh we had dinner and we. had a little little thing in the corner. and. um you took an e asked her to marry me. and. uh I was shaking so bad I'm 21 years old. not 22 at the time I'm like you know. couldn't couldn't even get it out right. and uh I just knew I loved her that's.

that's all I knew I I I just knew that. man. I've I I don't even know like I've never. even felt this really this kind of love. like other than like my mom like but I. feel like I almost love her more than my. mom I loved her so. much and uh. yes I proposed at a restaurant right and. then we got super wasted went to Dollar. night at Leos downtown everything was a. dollar you know we were H in life you.

know we were just living it up at the. time she's older than me she's a cougar. you know she's 39 I'm 35 so you know. she's she's older and uh you know free. haircuts for life though but you know. whatever it's a perk but um I deployed. and then a couple weeks in. deployment my son's father found out. that I was gone he was he was. infuriated he was livid at this point.

and uh cuz he had he had even been. around really but he just shows up and. tries to cause. violence when you were there never when. I was there but once he found out I left. it was a game on there's police reports. like when I became a compet FV I kind of. looked into some addresses and stuff he. actually tried to cut a pipeline at that. apartment and tried to blow the whole. apartment. up what yeah before I was around like.

did some shot some of the most horrific. things I've ever heard of to her and I I. don't want to say them because they're. her stories but it was gnarly it was. really bad. so she's like Blake you know I don't. know what to do. so called my mom hey mom I got a favor. to ask. you I'm like it's going to be a hard. favor but.

um I need Nicole and Cy to come stay. with. you I explain the. situation she said tell them come. on and uh she took them. in took care of them made sure they were. safe. and. uh but my wife every other. weekend my wife had to drive to fville 5. hour drive she drive dropped sty off on.

Friday drive back to West. Virginia because his his grandfather his. real dad's dad had custody not his. dad because it's part of the good old. boy system he had a bunch of money in. favor need the judges and how that even. worked out is back door. deals but she would turn around and. drive five hours Sunday to go pick him. up and then drive five hours back she.

was driving 20 hours in a. weekend wow so strong. woman but you know and my mom took him. in and. um so it was just you know it's a. standard deployment it was it was Winter. it was starting to phase out of that. winter time right where. starting to get into the fighting season. that you always kind of hear about um. when we first got to. um uh fa. Warrior the Polish were still there and.

uh man polish were crazy like they were. they were somehow making like whiskey. and and or whatever they were making. like them dudes were them dudes were. wild like it was cool to see that it was. a cool experience and uh you know we we. we were doing the exchange with him one. time and we were on a route and there. was an IED and it was close to you know. we were like an hour away from like surf. and turf right and and dude we're like. oh you know we'll call EO EOD to come.

out and look at this man these dudes. just start chucking. grenades they're like I we'll blow up. I'm like this this is not how we operate. right like that seems kind of dangerous. they're like oh no we got to eat we got. surf and turf so I was like this is what. this is wild this is crazy and um you. know so finally they ended up. leaving and then you know the rest of. the big 8 second started coming in right. command sergeant major.

love dude was a Soup Sandwich Man and he. was the head of of everything and it. just got to the point where like hey man. we're at War we get mortared every day. like why do I got to wear a PT belt to. go to the bathroom why do I got to wear. a PT belt to go to the child Hall what. are we doing here and that was when I. was like I have to get out of the. 82nd because this is this is this is. crazy I'm wearing a PT belt and I'm. shaving in like horrible environments.

because I can't have like a little. scruffle like I'm in M bags up. at The. Outpost like and I'm still having a. shave up there what is going on it. doesn't make sense everybody Stuck In. This World War II guess what that was. great they did great things it's not. World War II anymore right it's a. different environment y'all can loosen. up a little bit this is not that long. ago like that's a long time we can chill.

out a little bit I don't need a shave. and in an M bag like nobody's. bothering us it was just everything was. ridiculous. but it was it was fun though the the it. started to really get to know the guys. we started forming as like a little team. um we had gotten a new squad leader at. the time his name was um Sergeant uh. staff sergeant um Garcia boes he was.

like he's had like all these jumps he. was a black hatat for a while he was uh. Pat Tilman was went to his class and. jumped school so he was a a awesome guy. very old school though but he he took he. looked out for us. MH and then before him we had Nick. Fredy who was he he deployed like seven. or eight times to Afghanistan like in my. eyes he was like a legend like man this.

guy's still alive he's got eight. deployments in 10 years of his career. like he he'd been deployed like all the. time and he was like he was so chill. like we had him as a squad leader for. like seven months and man he just taught. you everything like he just took care of. you he just taught you. everything but I still couldn't go. anywhere because we're locked in on an. appointment so then he got sent to.

another company I think um like Delta. company and then we got Boz which was. awesome to have and then we. deployed but I. mean it is actually felt good because. there are a lot of good young guys in. the 82nd there's a lot of there's a lot. of good dudes in the 82. you know the the conventional Army has. been. overshadowed people think it's not cool. anymore like being in the Infantry like. standard infantry because of social. media right social media now when you.

think of something sexy you think of. beards and and like plate carriers and. cut off t-shirts and you know the the. the Special Operations Community like. it's it it looks cool and it's you know. a lot of guys in the 82nd are they're. really good. dudes and I think they feel maybe over. overlooked you know maybe like we're not. as important anymore because we're just. in the 82 I've heard guys tell me their. story I was just in the 82nd hey man be. proud yeah be proud of what you did.

you're still in the Infantry you're. still in the 82nd you're still jumping. out of planes be proud of what I'm so. proud to be in the 82nd I don't go. around and try to act like I was in SF. or anything I'm proud of what I did. because what I did set me up from where. I'm at for where I'm at now that was. where I I'm supposed to be so I tell all. those guys anybody to this day in the. 82nd be proud of what you're doing your. service is not. overlooked you guys there's a lot of.

really good young dudes who are who are. changing this they're changing the. 82nd you know I've been reached out by. several guys and I will go on post and. train any of those guys for free at from. the. 82nd because I didn't get that. I didn't get any CQB training except for. basic and it was the whole like grab. lean Rock lean Rock like old school. stuff my heart is with them guys man if.

they ever need anything from me like. they they message me all the time and I. will do whatever I can for you any. training any shooting any advice for. like after the military like I got you. because I'm proud of what and I'm proud. to know you be proud of your. service. so we had one of the SF groups I don't. know which one that was on our on fob. Warrior too so we' see them around and.

and they just had like a different life. right everything was just kind of. carefree and and big boy rules you know. they're they're treated like big boys. because they're they are right they come. from an amazing group or amazing unit or. amazing team and and something about. that I was like man when I when I leave. here I'm I talk to Boz and and he's like. he's like I'll help you he's like we we. we'll get all the paperwork done we get. back we'll do everything and I was so.

excited man I was like so. excited and then May 24th 2012. came uh we were that week we were the. qrf. and whatever Outpost that that the SF. unit had. they were taking. contact UM and we were going out to help. them the fastest road too that later. found this out the fastest road to.

them was they labeled it as a black Road. it hasn't been cleared of an ID in two. weeks but it was the fastest route to. them so that's the one that our amazing. leadership decided that we were going to. go. take and we hadn't turned off Highway. one but maybe more than a half a. mile and I'm the. Gunner. and we're driving and then it's so crazy. I even think about it now it's so.

crazy I. saw this massive bright. light and then it was like slow motion. of seeing the dirt I could see like. piles of dirt it was so crazy like. slowly I never heard it I just saw saw. it and I saw the dirt come up and I felt. this heat pressure pushed me. back and my back plate broke in. half and then I came forward and smashed.

the whole left side of my face on the. buttstock of the. 240 and I woke up they said about 10. minutes later on a. gurnie um I'm hearing people. scream I'm hearing people talk about the. qrf that's coming for us just got ran. over an IED they season all operations I. hear Apaches I hear something about. ambushes so the vehicle in front took. took the main blast right our front half.

of her vehicle caught it because it was. like kind of in between but I got the. the back blast the pressure is what got. me it pushed me back and broke my plate. and then I slung forward and then broke. the whole left side of my face to this. day still have no feeling on the left. side of my face damn there's it's it's. you can look at my nose and tell that. it's it's broken so I have no feeling. anywhere over here this. is they never fixed it never gave me. surgery for it nothing it's just the.

nerves are gone it's crazy I feel this. side but not this side so if you ever. see me with a face tattoo like Mike. Tyson it'll be on this side just so you. know that teardrops but. um I remember laying on the on the. gurnie. and they're trying to get a bird in uh. man one of my really good friends he's. calling in the nine line his name's Josh. marshack aware or you're just conscious. I was I was aware at this point um I.

could feel bleeding I could taste the. blood I just didn't know where it was. coming from and I actually have a scar. on my head it was a massive massive gash. that that's mainly where I was bleeding. from and but I had no idea I had a. massive headache my ears were. ringing and there was just tons of. confusion but I could I could see Marsh. at next to me and he's calling in the N. line I'm kind of I'm kind of hearing. what he's saying but like I'm kind of.

going in and out. too and I love that dude to this day. like we still talk and I still thank him. anytime I see him I hug him hey man. thanks for getting that n line for me. then a bird came down and they got me on. the bird. and um crazy story about that too um. they got me on the bird and I'm laying. there and it man my head's killing me. I'm bleeding and on the. ceiling is a flag you know some of them.

put their team flag or whatever on the. ceiling man it was a Blackbeard flag it. was this. guy and I didn't know my injuries I. thought I was dying way everybody was. acting they're cutting clothes off on me. and uh and I pass out and uh I wake up. at the little medical spot on fob. Warrior and I got all these doctors. around me um you know asking me about. feeling in my legs my brain my brain I.

had a massive knot like a huge knot. they're like oh you know trying to do. all these things but they couldn't fly. me to BM weather was so bad whatever. they call it the uh sky was red I I. don't know whatever they call it but so. I laid there for two days just. I remember laying there and uh we'll get. to that in a second but so they give me. some some morph like I'm feeling kind of. good and I'm laying there and then the.

next. morning um the command AR major and the. um the commander walks. in and they're like hey um private cook. like you I talk to you about something. I'm like drugged up I remember the. conversation they're like hey uh um we. need you to call your wife I'm like okay. I'm like yeah that'd be great can I got. a phone I call her like cuz I had like.

one of those little Hodge phones that. you could buy with the minut I was like. Hey somebody give me my. phone they're like but here's here's the. problem is the 82nd and the family. riness group called my wife that. night told my wife that there was an. accident and I was deceased are you. kidding me next to my mom and. your mom and my. mom. and there was about an.

hour from my call from the call she. received from the from from when I. called her they called her first they. called her first thing that morning not. that night first thing that morning then. I was able to call her an hour later and. she goes her exact words was who the. is. this hey it's. me like I sound funny cuz I'm on. morphing I'm not dead I'm. alive I'll call you in a little bit.

she's like so. confused I'm like hey I'm like this is. really me I promise they get on the. phone they're like man Miss Cook we're. sorry about this like she is he is alive. um nobody had died but like holy so. for an hour my wife my mom thought I was. dead like how do you how do you. that. up because some Army. Wife.

calls my wife and tells him news that. should even been delivered to. her why would you do that it's not your. responsibility so that. was I think that still bothers my wife. maybe and she got that phone call but I. can't even imagine man how she. felt. so but at least they were they caught it. fast enough to where it wasn't a day.

right or hours it was about an. hour and I think what happened is the. lady that was ahead of the FRG had told. her husband that hey I called the wife. she's okay it's like well hold on nobody. died. he just got hurt really. bad so we're able to clear that whole. mess. up and you know which was caused anxiety. for the whole rest of the deployment for. my family but they finally get me to BM.

I get a. BM and you know I have massive headaches. I don't feel well I'm still throwing up. my legs are feeling weird my back is. like super. sore and I didn't break my back didn't. have any spinal damage I just had like. my whole back was black I guess just. some nerve. damage so they're like hey we can send. you to Germany and then send you.

home I'm like or I'm like can I stay. they were like well that's how do you. feel I'm like I feel great they can't. send me home that's an embarrassment I. failed at College i' failed my family. about getting a job. like I'm on a continuous path of failing. if I go home. early look like a. I'm I I let my grandfather down.

you know I'm I'm not dead so why do I. need to go. home so then they they they're like. that's fine but you're not going to be. operational for a little while take it. take these ambients in the morning and. at night time sleep it's taking like two. Ambi a day 1 in the morning I'd eat. breakfast take an ambian go to sleep I'd. wake up go eat dinner take an ambian go. to. sleep then then I was like oh I need. pain. medicine then they G me oxycodones over.

there I was like I stayed high and. tired then like I kicked all of it to. the curb cuz because now people like are. looking at me like I'm a. like like they don't know the. extent of my injuries when I got back I. told them nothing was. wrong they don't know that I I I have. some brain scans that that you know they. they told me I was fine but later on. when I got back home so I get back home. we do the appointment I do a couple.

missions with them and then I get back. home and we do a battalion run I think. I'm fine I feel fine I do the run don't. even remember the run I. remember walking out to the field here. in uh some ACDC we're all lining. up I remember drinking water water that. was it that's all I remember so then I. was like man how do you know you did the. run I don't know how do you know you. missed. something because people had told me.

that I was I Ran So I was in the. formation my shirt was wet we had gray. Battalion shirts my shirt was soaking. wet I thought maybe I was dreaming I. didn't know what was going on people. told me I'd ran I don't remember the run. and my shirt trench I mean you're. talking October North Carolina 80%. humidity I'm. soaked I thought man maybe I just. blacked out so a couple days go by I.

start having these random nose bleeds. these massive. headaches my eyes like start hurting. over here on the sides I'm like man I. don't feel right something something's. not right I started getting like that. that feeling that we have when we stood. up and your legs are tingling that would. come and go I felt like my legs were. always asleep I'd be standing and I'd. get this tingling and I'd have to lean. on to my wife so finally I I go I go to. Walmat and well I asked to go to Walmat.

and I pretty much get told I'm I'm a. being a suck it up you gonna. be a sick Hall Ranger I me hey man like. um I got hurt like I like to get a. follow up so finally they let me get a. followup and um. get these scans done get a full body. scan and ended up being um committed to. the hospital I had some some I had. swelling in my. brain and I had some some optic nerve.

issues and I had some nerve damage in my. spine so I'm in the I stayed in the. hospital for like a week and then they. they we get the swelling down. um they they bring in a doctor who. enrolls me into the first wac traumatic. brain injury pipeline there was five of. us. um one guy killed himself one guy. dropped out two guys dropped out and two.

of us completed it me and another guy. completed it so for two years I did this. pipeline I met with uh a world-renown. brain doctor I can't remember his name. I'm but me and my wife met with him once. a. month um to this day Sean. I don't know why I was having the issues. it was never explained to me nobody ever. got answers nobody ever got. anything I had a doctor a. neurologist told me that she thought I.

had. STDs what exactly I got off the phone my. wife I'm like. what and then she ended up getting fired. because she was sexually harassing. patients the whole system was broken to. this day I still don't know what. happened I did speech memory and. physical therapy every day for two years. well a year and a. half and I got transferred to the. warrior transition Medallion because I. had so many doctor's appointments and I.

couldn't never get an answer the Army. never wanted to admit that they messed. up by letting me go back and not fixing. me right then because that's on them. they let me go back I'm sure that that. doctor when one didn't did the brain. scans there's no way you didn't find. that my brain wasn't swelling had a nod. out to here and I was throwing up with. nose. bleeds you just gave me. ambient I don't know if there was like. hey we can't send just send people to. Germany unless you're like actively ding.

I don't know I don't know but to this. day I never got. answers of what happened to me I have a. medical file that's this. thick I'm 100 total. impermanent but I never got answered. aners I could never get answers ever so. for a year and a half I did speech. memory and physical therapy with no. answers to what was wrong but whatever. they were doing was working so after a. year and a half I felt.

normal I I had all these like like shock. therapies on my brain I had these. needles put all over had all these. things done but nobody ever told me why. why I'm doing this like oh you know you. got a brain injury it's just something. we're doing something we're testing out. I'm like I'm not a rat in a lab what's. wrong what are you doing to fix. me oh you know you have a great care. team they got it taken care of yeah. that's great but what are they doing to. fix me have they not explained this to.

you no bring it up to them I bring it up. to them. nothing nothing it was it was horrible. you want to know why guys are killing. themselves because they can't get. answers you don't care you're a civilian. or you're a in the military and and and. you're not giving people the that they. need cuz you don't care something's. wrong with me what is wrong with me if. the Army up that's fine I'm not. going to blame the. Army but nobody ever told me what was. wrong so I got released from the.

pipeline I had this little ceremony. whatever they're like oh this is. successful I'm like. cool they send me back to my unit send. me back I leave Warrior transan go back. to the. 82nd get in the 82nd everybody's like. rigging up getting all their stuff hey. cook hey man glad you're back um go get. your. ruck um needs to be this weight blah. blah blah we got a combat jump.

tonight and we're going to walk back to. the company and you're going to jump to. 240 like I just got back like I just. walked in the company I'm like what do. you mean I'm not. jumping I just I just did this for a. year and a half this was like the end of. the end of. um the end of 2013 so about about. December of. 2013 I'm like I only have like six more. months left in my. contract I'm like I'm not jumping.

they're like oh you're going to. jump you're not with the word transition. anymore you're going to. jump I'm like man this is. this ain't right first AR was. mad they're all mad because I went to. the war transition Battalion and got. help that I needed whether I got told. what was wrong or not whatever they did. worked I felt better I still have some. stuttering when I get excited if you. watch any of her videos on Instagram. when I'm like trying to teach sometimes. I'll stutter but whatever they did like.

it was great and and I'm grateful for. those people but to this day I'd still. like to. know but so I get rigged up I got no. option I'm an E4 you know like can't. argue they're either going to give me an. article 15 for disobeying. orders 6 months before I get out or I. can just suck it up and. jump so cool whatever I'll jump to 240. at this point. whatever we jump jump.

out parachute opens everything's fine. and. dandy bam head bust right off the. windshield of a Humvee smack the humy on. the. ground I woke up man I don't know maybe. maybe could could have been long 30. seconds. later I'm like damn I got headache I'm. like dude suck it up suck it up put my. parachute. up met up at at at the Meetup point the.

rally point and I'm laying on the ground. and and tart Boz is right there and I'm. just throwing up I am just yakking he. goes cook what's wrong I said hey man I. hit my head off the Humvee he shined a. light and I I was I was bleeding down my. face he's like are you sure you hit your. head I'm like yeah I'm throwing up he's. like hey he goes go to the medical tent. right now he goes you only got six. months left go to the medical tent right. now went to the medical.

tent took me to the hospital same doctor. in the. ER um super. cool right back into the warrior. transition Battalion the next. day uh they treated my concussion for. about 5 months. and then they were like hey you seem. fine see you later go pick up your D I. walked in still thinking I had treatment. I still had like a month left of my. contract and they were like hey um you.

go pick up your your DD214 and and take. this Leaf I was. like okay that sounds great is it am I. okay am I good to leave you being they. yeah doctor cleared off all your. paperwork we have all your paperwork I'm. like nobody ran that by me nobody told. me me I was cleared no I was like. let me see my paperwork there it was so. they rushed you out rushed me right out. pushed me right out the. door went to uh a social Sport. Center picked up my.

DD214 and I didn't do I didn't any out. processing dud I still have I had like. my helmet I didn't do any out processing. never got a letter for to bring it in. nothing they rushed me right out see you. later. and. uh man that's why I do encourage people. to if you want to stay in this longer. try to get to those other units man.

because I I feel like you might get. better treatment maybe it's different. now I mean it's been my God it's been 12. years now. but to this day I I have no. idea I just know how I felt I just know. that I was putting this important. uh timeline I know that I was sent to a. battalion that was made so people can go. to their appointments because they're. messed up and then I was rushed right on. out and I had two months of leave built.

up so I took it damn and um still had. memory issues couldn't remember anything. couldn't remember I put my. keys couldn't remember nothing and. um so I had. applied so I got out early so that was. that was uh like February or like March. March time frame I was like man what am. I going to. do like what am I going to do because it.

didn't get out. medically uh don't have a degree right. didn't take that. serious shooting a piece of paper and a. trash can didn't work for me what am I. going to do I have a son and a wife she. worked. she does hair but she had to lose all. her clients when I deployed to move back. home with my mom so she's still trying. to build her client tail up she gave all. of her clients away to for.

safety and now she's trying to build all. of them back up it's hard. so like man I'm gonna um oh we driving. out brag Boulevard and I saw this this. armored vehicle flying up the road blue. lights and sirens said faville police. emergency response. team I was. like that's it man I'm going to be. that how do I get there so I walk to the. police station I walked in the police.

station Say Hey I want to be a cop how. do I sign up like oh you know you got to. go to the training center so I started. the process and and uh did all the. hiring process. and then you may came and I heard. nothing May and June cricket. I'm like man I didn't didn't get this. job cuz you know I had to tell them you. know so in that time period when I fell. out of college you know because I was. honest with him about everything right. smoked some smoked some weed my stepdad.

had hernia. surgery and when he was healed I stole. the rest of his. Percocets and sold them for money so I. had to be truthful on all this I give. you a lot of texor test. I was say man maybe they didn't really. like that you know maybe that. was maybe I should have tried to AE I. don't know maybe they didn't like. that man like.

June end of June they're like hey man. start belet next Monday it's like a week. belet basic Law Enforcement Training. you're hired with the faville police. department you start you start belet. next Monday I was like they were like. you know report get seen an email with. all the instructions I was like am I. hired or like yeah I was like oh. man all right damn cool let's go be a. cop right I have no idea what to expect. but let's go be a cop.

so first day in beet you know we go and. we're we're meeting with all the other. people there's there's um we had like a. large class like 18 18 18 to 20 off us. and we lost six in for testing purposes. but fville has their own basic law. enforcement training so everything is. inhouse you don't have to a lot of. places you go to college go to belet and. then you're sponsored by an a agency. that then picks you up afterwards but.

faville is a really good Department. because fav's a very dangerous city so. they have their own instructors their. own belet on site at the training center. we have a whole training center and. um so I so I go to beet and um we're set. down they're doing. orientation at City Hall and then we do. that and then the next day we we report. to the training center get the training. center and they're explaining everything. and they're like every Friday we have we.

have a test on think there was a total. of like 20 some tests because it's all. about like law Fourth Amendment like all. the all the everything anything about. being a cop so they bring an instructor. in on. Monday teach you for four days and then. Friday. you take an. exam you can only fail two your third. when you're. out and I'm like I go home and I'm. like honey I'm. screwed I'm like I can't remember at.

this point I can't remember my memory is. horrible it's really bad I'm like. there's no way I'm GNA be able to to. take sit down and do this and and go. take a test I already had like test. anxiety she's like We're going to get. you through it. I'm like you she's like I promise you. we're going to get you through. this I'm like all right I'm I'mma try. so every Wednesday and Thursday night my.

wife would come home from working 10. hours help me make index. cards and she'd sit up all night. flipping them for me helping me study. all night hours we'd get up 5:00 in the. morning before test. she'd flip inex. cards I was like top three in my class. for academics and there were some really. intelligent. people I had like I was getting almost I.

never failed it I never failed one. test it's because my wife stuck by my. side and came home after a long day of. work feeding our son and then staying up. and flipping index cards with. me that's six months of doing that damn. so she was exhausted I Terry now would. never would have made it through be. testing if it wasn't for. her I would all her and God but man.

like she made sure that I was successful. it's a good woman oh. man yeah yeah um man she was not going. to let me fail cuz she had saw my life. the last two years of how I was treated. in the Army she wanted to go talk to all. these chain of command she was living I. was like no leave it alone leave it. alone she's like like I want. answers I'm like I do too but I'm like I.

don't want to make nobody mad Nicole you. don't understand I don't want to be. punished I'm afraid that if I roughed up. too many feathers they're just going to. send me back to my. unit just discharge me and send me back. to my unit I'm like just be quiet so I. can just keep doing the treatment. because if you start pissing off people. they're going to send you they're going. to send me back if they send me back. then you have nobody to irritate except. for that Commander and First Sergeant. and you're not their problem anymore so.

she was like okay okay okay so she was. already living I mean she dude she had. to help me shower like there were times. where my leg was would just go numb like. just like a like not a numb like not. where I couldn't feel them but like they. were was just asleep and if I stepped it. hurt it felt like knives were in my legs. only in my legs never my arms never my. upper body always my legs the only. answer I got was nerve damage and that.

it can take up to three to four years. for nerves to heal themselves they're. kind of like misfiring is what I was. told and that's what's happening they're. misfiring with my brain and that's the. feeling that I'm getting some BS answer. not even a true medical answer sound. like a talking about a car engine like. tell me what's wrong but she never let. me fail man so 6. months go to graduation you right she. she pins my badge on. me and I'm just so grateful that that.

that that she took the time to do all. this and uh your wife pinned your badge. on you yeah that's awesome yeah it was. awesome it was. uh because she should have been worn a. badge by that point she knew the law she. knew law better than I did you know CU. it was it was because she she had to to. read the. chapters and pick out what she believed.

to be important things and and while. they were teaching I would highlight. things that they would be like okay you. need to label the Shan Ryan Show wink. wink that might be a test question yeah. but she would go through all the. highlights and make the index cards for. me and I would make them too and and. without without that man there's without. her push right hey man don't give up. don't give up you're not broken cuz I I. could have laid around and made excuses. oh the Army said I was Zed up right and. jacked up you know because I wouldn't. get any disability or nothing at the.

time nothing not not a not a thing no. could nothing no medical no nothing. so um she pins my badge on me and uh I. get assigned to fa was broken up into. three districts. camton Central Cross. Creek um it's a city of like 300 some. thousand people plus all the craziness. on brag right A lot of people don't. understand man there's there's more gang. members on Fort Brag than there is in.

the city of faille no kidding hell yeah. we'll get into that well before we do. before we get into your La career let's. take a quick break let's do. it join me and my special guests for the. next behindth scenes experience. exclusively available on vigilance Elite. patreon the behind the-scenes footage is. raw and uncut this is as close to the. set as you can possibly get you can. expect anything from off-topic. conversations Studio tours the final.

moments before the interview starts and. everything in between the behind. the-scenes content is constantly. evolving and will continue to bring you. more as we grow you can gain access for. just $15 a month exclusively at. vigilance Elite Pat. on I know everybody out there has to. be just as frustrated as I am when it. comes to the BS and the rhetoric that. the mainstream media continuously tries.

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newsletter all right Blake we're back. from the break you just got through the. police. academy where are we. going yeah so like I said my wife my. wife pinned me right so I'm super. excited um starting to really feel like. a cop I got a badge got a gun all the. training that I feel like I. need uh so I get my assignment you know. my assignment Central District uh which. is kind of the city's broken like I said. into three Central is the middle so it's.

uh covers a lot of the really bad areas. it covers an area called Bonnie Dune uh. Massie Hill a lot of um crime and gang. members and and all these things and um. what is fail I've never been to fville. so fville is obviously a military town. but it's it's um it's weird it's it's. it's kind of nice but it's kind of. ghetto it's uh it's you know like the.

street the M wife grew up on was a. really nice street it's called Devon. street it's one of the predominant areas. in fville because she's born and raised. in fville okay and uh the street behind. it is one of the worst neighborhoods. in the city it's one of the worst roads. on the city and. uh you could be driving nice nice nice. and then bam ghetto and then nice nice. nice it's uh it's crazy there's.

the I I really because I started out in. this District I got. fascinated with. gangs. like just how they operate music. everything so really yeah I. just I just got obsessed learning. everything I could about gangs what kind. of gangs so we have bloods Crips um you. know we have.

MC's and we have some cartel um the new. generation and santala cartels pretty. predominant in the area sanoa cartel. runs Myrtle Beach no absolutely. what do you mean by that runs my Beach. like runs it they are runs what like. everything strip clubs uh drugs anything. that comes in and out of Myrtle Beach is. caloa cartel it used to a long time ago. it used to be kind of like the Russia. Mafia but something happened with the.

caloa cartel came in and just took over. dominated dominated it so strip clubs. drugs probably all the stores all the so. when I was younger when I would go there. all the stores like subway remember how. Subway used to. like Subway in myle Beach you would go. there it would be like foreign exchange. students from Russia the wings the all. the stores were had Russian now it's. just a bunch of Hispanic. people growing up it was always it was.

always R Russian. teenagers now it's not no more now it's. it's it's Mexicans. Hispanics so we trained how do you know. they're cartel so what the cartel bought. the businesses we we just know that they. operate out of Myrtle Beach so. anything in Myrtle Beach is probably. like drug wise and guns is probably all. being filtered through the cartel is. what I mean I'm not saying that they own.

the Subways and things like that but. there's a increase of Hispanics in that. area since the caloa cartel has moved. into that area that makes any sense. gotcha so because they operate off I 95. right so the halfway point from New York. City in Miami the halfway point is. fville North Carolina is it really you. can take several exits in and out of our. city off I95 and. disappear they operate a lot in.

Lumberton North Carolina which. is it's a it's a it's a called a Lumby. tribe they're not they're not they're. not a national tribe I think Trump was. trying to make it but they're not but. there's a lot of land and they can. disappear out that way like drugs and. money and guns are just so predominant. through feville in that Robinson County. area because of 95 interesting you can. Gump off I95 and then boom so what was. your first encounter with gangs what.

what what what. initially got you infatuated with. that there is this kid in faville called. Kaboom. holy um I think his name was Andreas. flight he was the. leader of a non-traditional gang so you. have traditional non-traditional. traditional gangs are gangs like like. little Wayne come came from like isad. Mau that is a gang that is nationally. known everywhere sets.

everywhere non-traditional was like a. neighborhood click so he had a non-. click called Money Gang right and they. were a blood set they were how many. people are we talking here what's what's. a non-traditional game 2030 2030 people. young young teenagers who are violent. with you know it's the you know the the. surup young like 13 14 14 15 16 okay 17. 18 is kind of old old yeah that would be.

old older you're not you're dealing with. those high school kids so hold on we're. I'm really I'm you sound like the guy to. talk to. so 13 14s young 18 19s old where do they. go when they're 20 so a lot of times. they'll start in non-traditional gangs. they'll get older then they'll move on. and try to get into another gang like. like if they're a non-traditional blood. set Like Money Gang they'll try to go.

once they get older they want away from. that little click or maybe several of. them have died off and the Gang has died. off they'll they'll go maybe they have a. homie that's with EAD M pyu or sex money. murder those are those are traditional. gangs so money um Money Gang is a blood. set a non-traditional blood set but once. they kind of age out maybe they don't. want to be a part of this click anymore. what do you mean a blood set so you have. Bloods and Crips right that's just who. you are and then there's different sets.

like a set is sex money murder that is a. blood set they're. Bloods but then you have esad Mau so. what is this like the UFC feeder. things dude it's is that what it's like. very organized you're in the JV and now. you're in the varsity pretty much you're. in the D they have they minor leagues. they have rules Bibles no they have. it's it's what kind of rules like um. like you got to be beat in for a certain.

amount of like eight tray Crips. um uh like they have to be beat in for. 83 seconds for 83 right eight Trey three. is Trey so you have to be beat into the. gang or if you're a chick you can be. raped into the Gang. you can be raped into into the gang. women choose to be raped into a gang. yes why what do they get out of. that they're obviously missing something. at home they want to be a part of that.

gang like uh what does that entail so. like like uh man who's the um what are. they got to somebody or they oh. yeah they get rape by like multiple gang. members but is it rape pretty much yeah. I mean it's her ass and they're they're. her it's not like we're all just. gang banging you they're like. forcefully like raping her like maybe. she because she's not like maybe she. don't want to be a part of it right. maybe she might like change her mind but.

once you commit to it you you've. committed to it there's no backing out. yeah it's sex but then if they don't. want to and they try to back out there. is no backing out so what's their role. once they're in the gang once they've. been raped into the gang like if they're. blood they're blood it what does that I. mean are they that hangs are they are. they actual gang M they're gang members. they get to just hang out with a gang. they don't really do anything they just. hang out with the. gang it's I'll show you some videos but.

it's that's all right it's no not of not. of getting gang banged in but uh but I. mean it's just gangs are very. interesting so if I go see you know you. have to be Hispanic or black to be a. blood you can't be white any white guy. that ever says they're a blood they're a. complete liar so in this day and age if. I see maybe a young 13 14-year-old. African-American kid and he's wearing. Chicago Bulls and he can't tell me. anybody on their current.

team that's a validation point to be a. blood so I have to get three validation. points to validate you on a sheet that. get mitted in to state that you're a. gang. member but if you tell me you're a blood. or a I just need one other. validation. point but a validation point is a lot of. you see a lot of blood members wear. Chicago. Bulls why cuz Bulls stands for Bloods. usually live longer and.

stronger you see a lot of eight tray. Crips 83 Crips they wear the Texas. Ranger hats the hats are blue and. there's a t on it t stands for try eight. Trey you see like you ever seen the. tattoos that say mo and they're like ah. money over member of blood you. see a lot of tattoos that are RR that. stands for real right that means you've. done something for the gang you've done. something maybe violent for the gang. there's you know the five-pointed stars.

six-pointed. stars you ever see anybody with a star. David on them you know they're a. Gangster Disciple it's just so much. Bloods operate on the right side so if. they're flying a flag which is a bandan. they're on the everything should be on. the right side if they're a. everything's on the left side now a lot. of the younger kids will instead of. carrying Flags they wear like red shoes. or blue shoes Vans is is highly popular. are those are these the two biggest.

gangs in the country Bloods and Crips. yeah you know that's what you because to. this day yeah Snoop Dog you know. little Wayne you can watch um there's a. music video with him and Bruno Mars. this mirror on the wall whatever that. mirrors whatever if you actually watch. the music video Little Wayne pays tons. of respect to the Bloods he shows all. his blood tattoos M Mo RR five-pointed. Stars everything a lot of them will even.

have like red. dreads so there's another set of bloods. called sex money murder they are a blood. set but they were founded by a guy in. like the 60s Pistol Pete they don't do. this this is blood BL right they hold. this up this is blood you'll never see. Crips operate on the on the right side. Crips will always operate over here so. they're a blood set but they show they. they'll throw up two pistols to pay.

respect to Pistol Pete and they operate. off the color. green because Pete Lov. money have you ever known Chicago Bulls. to ever wear. green no no so why do they sell green. jerseys and green hats no it's. because they sell to the gang they make. a ton of money off of. it no that's man it's Bloods will. never eat at at at Burger King because. BK stands for blood killer like it's a.

whole whole bunch of rules that you. would never even think. of um are these guys always are these. two gangs always collocated with each. other or they have specific territories. uh they have territories neighborhoods. you know within the city within the city. so they'll be both gangs within the same. city oh yeah there's then you have. non-traditional gangs who have no. Authority or discipline because there's.

a bunch of kids they want to make their. presence known they might attack a. traditional blood. set doesn't make any sense the. non-traditional gangs Sean scare me to. death why more than the traditional. because they're. undisciplined they're not answering. anybody they have no rules they're not. scared of us because why because they're. 15 and 16 I can't do nothing with. them 16 or 15 14 and 15 I can't do.

nothing with them 16 you're mine but I. can't do nothing with you at 15 or below. man like they. are it just so I watched this first. video my friend one of my really good. friends named Dave Franklin. huge Mentor at the police department. um he was in what was called ggv at the. time was called the um gang gun violence. unit. so he came in and taught a gang class.

while we were in belet it was one of the. the classes and I watched this video. it's called gun. weight and it's a non-traditional gang. the Money. Gang um and they're just in this shitty. trailer holding up guns talking about. the gun weight three of those kids in. that video are dead from gang violence. two of them are in prison and the leader. is in and out of of prison it's. just man I I it's just so fascinating to.

me I used to listen to the music all the. all the rap music just listening to. terminology how they talk how they. operate just there's so many different. things like um like Bloods um will. um um they'll make a sound you hear a. lot in like little Wayne's music. videos if they're in a large crowd full.

of other blood game members that's. signaling to them that 12 is around. because it sounds like police. sirens it's just so fascinating and a. lot of chicks really got into the to the. game things because of uh cardi B cardi. B's a. blood she used to have blood blood. dreads and she had the whole nine yards. she was a straight gangster she had a. whole music video where there's like. she's the.

OG back before she got super. famous she wow uh it's. um so cardi B is a blood. M little L of blood the song Red. Nation that like it talks about uh it. pays respects even like oo cinkos like. it gives him a shout out doesn't mean. he's a blood but it means he's. affiliate it's so interesting man like I. used to be obsessed with watching uh.

because I knew this is what I wanted to. do how many gangs are in faville oh. man a lot like 20 more than 20 50 man. probably probably 30 40 30 40 gangs yeah. are they all. rivals I don't think that they get along. I think Bloods trying to hang out with. Bloods and Crips trying to hang out with. Crips and 40 gangs in a town of did you. say 300,000 300,000 but that's not a.

huge town no where do 40 gangs. everywhere go without running into each. other they're everywhere they're. everywhere like are any of them friendly. do the MC's get along with the Bloods or. the Crips they don't even really mess. with them the. MC's don't get into. that they have their own Robble I mean. you've got. cartels you've got the Bloods and the. Crips Gangster Disciples Latin Kings you.

got all this in one area oh yeah we. got Crips Bloods Latin Kings Gangster. Disciples uh fol. Nation Hell's. Angels and like four or five other. um motorcycle gangs but all of those how. do you categorize them research we a lot. of them will will emit a lot of them. will'll see on their Facebook page H. signals um tattoos how do they not step.

on each other in a town of 300,000 they. do they'll never admit it but I mean. what do they do prostitution run drugs a. lot of is running drugs run run guns run. guns and run drugs and just be. they're just. Outlaws they just they have they just. shoot each other like nobody fights. anymore it's just. shooting um The Money Gang they had a um.

I forgot his I forgot that they brought. in a boy from Charlotte man he he he. sucked I can't remember his name but he. has been arrested several times for sex. trafficking he was a big sex trafficker. um God I can't even remember his. his name on YouTube they have all these. videos out there man like there's a one. gang in fville called rug gang we. completely dismantled them they made a.

video that said the police shoot. anything. blue holding rifles convicted. felons and this idiot at a surplus store. sold all of it to him for a music video. play plate carriers and then gave them. patches to wear they were raided by. homeand security had stolen secret. radios had 22 opscore martime Maritime. helmets that belong to still Team.

Six. what 22 of those how'd they get them. Supply guys bring them there and sell. them to him oh he's gone they. raided him I think he still has a store. but. he's he's pinning federal charges unless. he snitched which I'm sure he probably. did but that other gang is gone like we. dismantled them they were two brothers. were the leaders and uh ecstasy or uh.

xenx Bars were were were their big. things we did a search one on their. house couldn't find anything in their. house went out to their storage unit. started digging through boxes big old. heavy boxes I'm like what is in these. open them up seral boxes. like this is weird open up the serial. boxes bags cereal bags full of xenx. bars holy probably thousands I. don't know I think we got like 20.

30,000 just. thousands I. mean they kind of keep to they all kind. of keep to themselves until some point. they cross pass or they have beef social. media beef is the worst people get Mal. on social media then they go shoot. houses. up nobody fights anymore it's it's. shooting and killing it's um man faille. is wild Sean is it really when the Sun. goes. down it is you get like a very eerie.

feeling because that's when all the. goons come out they all come out to play. and it is like any car you stop you. might be in a you might be in a gunfight. because they don't respect law. enforcement especially after the past. administrators uh Chiefs and stuff that. we've had yeah like they just don't. respect. it and uh man it's uh it's very very. interesting just how they operate. because we'll find their Bibles and. we'll study them and you know a lot of.

them can't stay off social media right A. lot of them will always be on social. media throwing up gang signs so we'll go. find them we do investigate. investigative stops on them find guns. man the year that we got G of the Year. man we got I don't know like 4 or 500. guns a year just guns everywhere and. it's a lot of it is because soldiers. leave their cars in their apartment. complexes unlocked with guns in them and.

these kids these gang members go around. pulling pulling car. handles and then man they get 20 30 guns. a. night and then the soldiers threw his. gun box away and do even know a serial. number so he can't sometimes times can't. even charge them with stolen. firearm because they don't have the. serial number and they'll tell them hey. when you get it call it in so we can put. it in the system and they never. do it's um man I've had some close calls. in that City that City never sleeps.

we've had broad daylight. shootings Wendy's parking lot 1:00 in. the afternoon three people dead in a. parking. spot it's crazy. damn I mean I up to that. scene and they're like a the car left. and I didn't see it and I saw three. bodies I get. out three young black African-Americans. dead. over drug.

deal just broad daylight had one guy. another one broad daylight Smoky Bones. outside Cross Creek Mall he was shot. five times with a judge the 410 shell I. didn't know he was black or white until. I felt his dreads I was plugging bullet. holes damn he survived but I didn't he. survived yeah I couldn't tell his skin. color because he was covered in red he. was so bloody he survived he's paralyzed. but he. survived it is it is wild it it was that.

was a wild ride man I there's nowhere. else I'd rather been a cop though than. that City that City gave me every. opportunity to do everything I. wanted it was a it was a it was a fun. place to work. true sounds like it yeah if you want to. be a cop man and I mean maybe not in. today's time maybe not now cuz you got. proactive versus reactive and now so. many cops are want to be. reactive you got through the academy you.

went on patrol how long did it take you. to get into the gang. stuff oh man. uh about 3 years 3 years it's a spot. nobody wanted to leave. the the gang unit yeah nobody nobody. wants to leave that unit everybody wants. to be in the in the gang everybody wants. to be in the gang unit why it's fun. you're like Cowboys no yeah you're. not like the narcs where.

you you know the NCS couldn't show their. faces and uh you know we wear plain. clothes I made my hair down past my. shoulders a beard down to here just out. there getting after it man fighting. crime. you know there were times where we where. we weren't seen at all and then there. were times where we would go out at. night time and just go to work didn't. have didn't take. calls did what we wanted and we made a.

difference you want to make a difference. in your city and stop crime you go get. you about seven good dudes who want to. fight. crime tell them good luck and give him a. good supervisor how would you do that. today is it even possible it is possible. it is very possible we have to figure. out the problem is is we have to figure. out how do we keep good young cops from. leaving to go do another job shitty cops. are staying in and getting promoted well.

how do you think that happens how do you. get good young cops to stay in the force. with the leadership that we see. today I think that the the good because. there is good leadership out. there where I other than here I I think. in in a lot of agencies there are good. leadership that have made it to the to. an executive level but they're too. afraid to speak out because they're. outnumbered I think those people have to. have backbone I think we have to figure.

out that this person is a shitty leader. and they need to be. demoted you know if you have officers. like when I. left when I medically retired 108 left. let's talk about your career I mean when. we spoke on the phone for the first. time you had a lot of. frustrations yeah a lot of frustration. it's my first call ever day. one I. am got I got pinned the day before and.

now I've reported to my duty I get with. my. fto and we're going over all the things. 7:30 in the morning my first call call. comes out missing. kid cool it's a great one to go to it's. a great one to learn from right off the. gate missing kids they come up all the. time so a lot of them are runaways a lot. of them are just hiding in closets don't. want to go to school parents just can't. find them whatever they're not actually.

missing they're just running. away so we get there and the mother is. just she's really like distressed I I. don't know what she's supposed to look. like it's my first call ever. she's like I can't find my son I don't. know where he's. at I've searched the whole house I just. haven't looked in the. basement they're like well has he ever. had any behavior of running away no he. just doesn't like going to school like. all right man we we'll search the house.

again searched the whole house. nothing open up the basement door. started walking down the. steps I see two little bear. feet maybe about a foot foot half off. the. ground and I'm. like wow I already know what this is I. get all the way down to the basement my. fto is behind me he took an extension. cord tied it to a water pipe multiple.

pipes and hung. himself so we're sitting. there and I'm day one man first call my. fto was such a. coward he said hey you need go up and. tell that mother that her son is. deceased and we found. him why don't you go do that I'm in. training this my first day I'm not even. supposed to do nothing I'm just watching. you no no you need to go do that I'm.

telling you to go do. it all right Roger that so I go up there. she's standing in the kitchen she's. leaned up against the calendar I'm hey. ma'am. uh I'm sorry to tell you but. your your son is in the basement and he. he's no longer. alive she let out a scream Sean that I. still hear every night I watched her. open her mouth and scream and when she. opened her mouth and screamed I watched. her soul leave her.

body and. uh I go back. downstairs she's screaming finally the. the her sister gets there she's. comforting her. I'm holding the kids legs F Cuts Cuts. cuts the extension cord off he had like. one of the serrated knives and cut him. down we laid him on the. ground um did all the things called the. detectives next rotation came next.

rotation is is U uh kind of like Towing. like like for tow trucks if we need a. tow truck it's the next on rotation but. we have a we have a morg service so. they're in rotation so next rotation. means whoever the morg service is up to. come get the body that's that comes so. we holler for next call for next. rotation for for. morg they come too and they they get the. body and you know we go through on out.

the day like the next call man was um. after that the next call was some old. lady. complaining and uh she was mad that the. neighbor's cat was on her car realist. realistically she was. lonely just wanted somebody to have. coffee with at 9:00 in the morning so. you go. from go from a dead 12-year-old cutting. a dead 12-year-old who hung himself to.

an 80-year old lady he wants to file a. complaint or write she wants a police. report for her neighbor's cat that's on. her car causing. damage and I have to be able to give her. every bit of me that I can because she's. she's calling me she's calling me for a. service my job I can't go there and just. give her half ass I have to switch off. what just happened that what what I just. went through doesn't matter anymore. that's.

done kick it out how do you do. that try not think about it focus on man. the queue is so busy the queue and the. the. calls they're just stack. there'll be 15 20 calls pending they all. go by priority you don't have time to. think about what you just went through. because the next thing that you're going. to go through might be just as bad the. next call might be your. life can't think about that you can't. dwell on that kid that's.

horrible but how do I know the next call. is me not dealing with somebody that's. going to try to kill me I have to be. mentally sharp to deal with the next. call once you get in your car and that. Call's. over put your head on steering wheel let. out a big old nice. scream and push. on cuz guess what the next call is. somebody else is having their very worst. moment of their life that you are. responding to every call is somebody's.

worst moment of their. life and every call you should treat it. as if it's your first call of the day. because they deserve that they're. calling you at their worst time I never. got a phone call. for somebody to come tell me I was doing. a great job or somebody to cook me food. or Pat me on the back every. call for 10 hours is somebody's worst. moment somebody's dead somebody's about. to kill themselves a robbery a murder.

mental patient standing in his garage. naked with a butcher. knife to Granny want to have a cup of. coffee it's insane. and there's. no there is no shutting it off I still. think about all of it there are cops. that have been way through more than me. I don't. know all all I did was the next call. could be life ending for me so I need to.

be switched on that call no longer. exists it goes away it's just a report. number but then you deal with it and you. get home by. drinking or lashing out at your. family and then you wake up the next day. go to work and you treat people at work. better than you treated your family. because you can't show up to work angry. you can't laugh sh at people at work. they'll put you on administrative leave. and take your gun make you go get. help can't shut it off fake a smile. every day and you give people the best.

version of yourself because they need. you in that moment whether it might not. be a big event to you it might be stupid. to you you might think this is stupid. call but man they're on they call. 911 police. because they're having a such a bad. moment they need you at your best forget. about the next call it's time to move on. this is what I always got. told so at the end of that shift I. walked. in and my sergeant sitting there with. his legs up shoes.

off so cook how was it my God it sucked. First Call of the day kid hung. himself it's a lot starts laughing he's. like suck it up welcome to being a. cop I was like. what what and then it. just for the next you know two and a. half. years it was a ride man every day.

like bro if you're not checked in when. when you check in for service if you're. not mentally checked. in you could die you could die there. were times where because let's say. you're being. proactive you know it's a scary feeling. walking up to a car that you just pulled. over especially if you can't see inside. of it you know a lot of people ask why. do cops touch the back of the car for.

DNA for if we're shot and killed right. then right there are fingerprints on the. back of that car so when they find it. they can for sure say that is the. vehicle there's Cook's. fingerprints it's scary MO I didn't. know that man every traffic stop that I. walked up to that I couldn't see into. the car or my Spidey senses kicked. in man people people ask you know why. are cops so aggressive when they get up. to the car because when they touch the. back of your car from the front of their.

windshield do you know what they're. thinking about am I about to take rounds. through the windshield am I about to get. shot when the window comes down and it's. it's Old Miss Betty and she's all nice. and. sweet it's a good feeling now she can. still kill you right you still got to be. elevated a little bit but it's a good. feeling because every car I ever. approached I just waited for rounds to. come through the. windshield if you had rounds come.

through the windshield I've I've. never luckily I've. never seen a lot of videos where has. happened I just never happened to me and. I had a OG gaming and Bonnie Dune tell. me one. time he said man you know I see a lot of. people in the neighborhood treat you. different he's like you ever wonder why. I'm like I don't know man because you're. you present yourself. well you're uniform is obviously.

tailored to your. body your fit your hair looks good your. belt looks good everything about you. says I don't want to with you I. can't run from you I can't fight you. you're going to kill. me but I'll run from him cuz he's fat. and. sloppy that's a big. deterrent my uniform was fresh every day. I had three. uniforms I wore the same. uniform I I wore day one I wore my first.

uniform and then I would wear that again. on my fourth day but day one two and. three I always had fresh. Uniforms on my day off the first thing I. did is I took them to one of the shops. and had them press they were all. tailored to my body because cuz I wanted. to present myself as if you with me. I'm going to kill you if you try to kill. me I'm going to kill you you're not. going to kill me today I'm the wrong. one I'm going do everything lawful I'm. going do everything I can as a. professional to keep you alive during. our interaction but the moment you try. to take me off this Earth buddy I'm.

coming and it ain't going to end well. for you I'll give you the utmost respect. everybody I encountered I treat it as if. it was my mother my father my brother my. sister I treat him as a family member. and as a United States American citizen. because they deserve that now the moment. you cross that. line then we're going we're doing it. whatever you want to do but you better. be ready because I'm. ready and I I try to harp that to law.

enforcement to hey man like use this as. a motivation get in shape go to the gym. man quit eating bad on duty like be. presentable that will keep you alive if. bad guys right I heard you um asked um. uh a sheriff uh Mark Lamb yeah Sheriff. Mark Lamb love that dude what's a good. you know way to prevent people from you. know entering in your home and you know.

things like that you know security. cameras anything that bad guys will not. you'll never become a victim if they. feel like that there will be any. resistance they only pick easy targets. man wolfs don't. attack other wolves they attack sheep. they kill animals that can't protect. themselves a single right if it's a. single wolf they're not going to try to. kill a Grizzly by themsel they know. they're going to lose so they just. rather go get the.

Sheep I wanted to present myself as if. you mess with me you're getting all of. me and it's not going to end well and. that's how people if they just put just. ADT stickers on glass. that's a deterrent flood lights anything. that they feel like they're going to get. caught at all they won't mess with it. it's only easy targets they pray on same. with law enforcement yeah you have a gun. people look like a bag ass you probably. can't shoot.

it so they're going to test you I never. got tested got tested now take that back. been tested. twice one dude was like 66 280. brother I just held on that was it it's. all you could do slam me up against my. hood on my car I just I just maintained. control much as I could until somebody. else came and helped me but very few. times I've I've been tested and it's. because every day at work there was.

nothing on me that looked ragged let's. talk about that scenario how did that. start traffic. sto dude had dude had. um um outstanding robbery warrant pulled. him over outside the hospital CER Valley. Road soon as we. stop car door. opens I get out he takes off running he. is on me before I know it I'm I'm. fighting him he's fighting me dude's.

picking me up like a ragd doll throwing. me on threw me on the hood of the car. and I'm just holding on finally we make. it on the. ground I don't have a lot of Jiu-Jitsu. knowledge at all but I did mess around. with it so I do I do I did know like. some um control techniques to try to. control him especially keeping him off. my gun that was my biggest worry was my. gun um he actually got hands on my gun.

but I had my level three Safari Land. holster that had the hood and he didn't. know how to operate work that he knew. the button but he couldn't get my hood. so that holds for save my life always. have your hood up. you see a lot of officers they put the. hood down to get shots off faster just. go train that's it because that saved my. life then luckily um my zone partner BJ. Bullard showed up and just came up from. behind and just one good hit boy went.

down and that was it end of the fight. cuz now it's two-on-one his chances are. over he felt a little resistance a. little I can't compete against two and. he gave up. you know it's. because BJ was a proa he he was a. proactive he he he he he wasn't the. first to always. initiate but he would always back you up. he was a good country boy and he went to.

the academy with me. so you know it's it's. um I I've seen videos where cops just. stand there and watch their their. buddies get beat up I don't know how you. do that because if BJ would have watched. me get beat up that day yeah we would. had to have shot that. dude and then what would that have been. yeah I shot an unarmed black. man and that always goes through your. head especially after.

um. um the boy in Louisiana I think that. that they killed that Darren Wilson got. killed just started all this years ago. like. 2014 what happened there he remember he. like robbed the gas station and the. officer got out with him and they got. into a tussle and he shot and killed him. inside the vehicle or something it was a. Mike Brown remember St Louis yeah St. Louis yeah so Mike Brown I used to live. there after that like man like I'm.

white it sucks you know if I Sho an. unarmed black dude because guess what. man these can kill you if you're 66 290. and I'm 510. 215 would a reasonable person believe. that if you got the best of me you could. take my gun out and kill. me yeah now I'm shooting an arm dude. that's what the news is GNA put out West. Virginia. boy shoots and kills an unarmed dude. like the news is awful yeah and uh there.

are a major reason why cops are getting. out too by telling lies who are they. going to. call they never thought about that these. big cities never thought about that who. y'all going to call when these criminals. go. wild crime doesn't. stop but police officers will quit. criminals won't quit it's all they know. why would I continue to get treated like.

for that's $43,000 a year did you get. treated like. let me rephrase that did your. department did your department have back. no no man no some did most. didn't what's the first incident you. were in when you realized. that so I I had one supervisor named car. young man phenomenal.

dude he always had my back when I was on. patrol I mean I it tastes like two or. three. people um right out the gate he had my. back um. there was one. incident that there was a disturbance. inside of a restaurant when I was on. patrol during the. day dud made a comment right before we. got. there that he was going to go to his.

truck and get a. gun we show up he's still in Texas. Roadhouse or Logan's Roadhouse we go. inside he's still in there him and this. other family went at it he goes I'm. going to kill you I've already had two. people tell me that said he was going to. go get a. gun so he runs out to his truck I watch. him run out the door and so I run after. after him he goes opens up his door gets. in a posture as if he's grabbing. something under the seat I draw my gun I.

gave him. commands I got three days off for that. he had a gun I was too. aggressive he he had a gun he had a gun. under the seat he just never presented. it because he didn't present it why did. I draw my gun why didn't I use. deescalation. skills I don't know bro cuz I didn't. want to get shot first how about that. that was when I. realized.

wow things are bad how early in your. career was that year and a half that was. a year and a half into your career and. you had how long of a career 10 years 12. years eight eight years and I had I had. one one time where I was fighting a guy. we'll get into that but it was one I was. in the gang unit I mean if you cussed on. body. camera in a high stress. situation you're getting 10 hours off. you're getting written up so a lot of. people don't know.

this this a nation it's become a. nationwide. thing if I point my gun at. you that is a use of force I get written. up for that might not catch days off. but let's say a year goes down the road. and I've pulled my gun 50 times that. year dude I could pull my gun three. times in a. shift we're dealing with people I've had. people jump out of a bed with swords. serving involuntary commitment paperwork.

that their family couldn't deal with. them anymore so now I have to go in and. deal with them and put them in handcuffs. and take them to the mental section at. the. hospital I mean I have almost sh I had a. guy who was shooting blow darts so fab. used to have a mental institution they. shut it down and just see y'all later. thanks for thanks for staying send them. all back out in the. wild my first week I had a call guy. named Allen in his garage butt naked.

Circle drawn in the garage with. chalk he's got a trash can in the middle. of the garage people were running by I. calling and said he's blowing blow darts. at him. so I'm like oh it's a mental mental. patient I get him in I I'll I'll get him. I'll convince him to go to the hospital. I'm g hit Chipotle after this this is. easy I like these. calls as I'm coming around the corner I.

hear dispatch he's like you know now. he's in the garage with a knife man I. hit the corner dude this dude standing. there butt. naked this big massive butcher. knife he's like come in the dungeon. mother and I'm like uh no sir I'm. like let's drop that and he's like no no. no he's like you come in the. dungeon and finally my backup comes like. seconds. later so now we're both lethal right. because we don't know what he's about to.

do people don't understand tasers only. work if you're in a distance like they. if I shot you with a taser right here it. wouldn't work I have to be like seven. feet back to get the spread to split the. hemisphere one has to go in the upper. torso and the other one has to go in the. body to get exactly what you need if I. shoot both here that's why he's still. see people being able to reach it out it. doesn't do what it's supposed to do. that's why cops they shoot tasers from. feet away it doesn't work I was too far.

back from my Taser and I didn't want to. get close enough to him so it works CU. if I get closer to him and he charges at. me and then rot shoot scene what did I. create why did you go up there to tase. him so we didn't have to shoot. him. so we're out there 45 minutes me and him. me and regot this dude's coming in and. out of his house finally getting him to. put the knife down in the middle of the. garage and he runs over and he crouches. down behind like a city trash can on.

Wheels we're like what's he doing he's. like back and forth using the trash can. as like a. barricade and he's talking to. regot and then he starts talking to me. and and regot yells at him and he turns. a little. further what he had had he had taped on. the back of the trash can a little 10-in. blow dart gun and he was putting darts. in it as he was talking to us to shoot.

us with him and when regot yelled at him. and I saw him do that I holstered pulled. my Taser out upside down shot it one. went in his head the other one went in. the wall he turns around. tries to dive on the knife I turn the. taser off turn it back on initiates a. second cartridge I shoot it again one. misses the other one hits him in the. head done he starts like seizuring out. and everything hits his head cuts his. head wide open he's bleeding everywhere. getting him in handcuffs later we found.

out that he he. um he had dirty. blood and he was stabbing himself with. the needles and was going trying to. shoot people with him to give him his. dirty blood but he was also holy. HIV positive he was also he was trying. to give other people HIV it's. crazy he was he was. gone so got him in handcuffs he was. found out he had been drinking and he. was on. cocaine but they were upset with me.

because he split his head wide. open I'm like he's. alive what do you. mean and that was like a big ordeal. that was a big ordal oh they're going to. sue us I'm like for. what you're welcome so what what I mean. do they give you a suggestion like okay. well what would there's no suggestion. what were you supposed to do they don't.

know the answer the problem with. agencies is shitty leadership shitty. leadership because in their mind we had. this guy named James nette man he ended. up being our assistant chief he ran. everybody away he was. horrible probably in my opinion maybe. the worst human on the face of the Earth. he was a horrible person not just a bad. leader but a horrible. person man this dude would punish. people because he thought by punishing.

people it made him a good leader and. that he would get. promoted this dude made it all the way. up to assistant. chief he's the reason why I left. I. mean officers are doing their. job and they're getting written up for. it I ended up not caring about getting. written up because I at that point I'd. applied and got my VA disability you. want to get you you want to give me a.

week. off I take a vacation and post it all. over. Facebook I don't care I'm getting paid. but imagine some of these guys who are a. father. of three and a wife they're making. $1,100 a. paycheck and they're. getting talked about getting two days. off why would you be proactive so now I. got to feed a family of four on a $700.

check because you gave me two hours off. or or you gave me two days off so why. would you be proactive yeah I can't. blame him. I we have to hold leadership. accountable I don't I don't blame him. either I mean I see the all over. you know social and the news and people. raiding the mall and people I mean now. you go what California even everything. literally the entire store is behind.

those little key things we were in and I. just I'm we were I don't blame the cops. at all I blame the people that live. there wanted to fund them you got what. the you asked for now you can live. in this California is wild I went. to Target get deodorant had to find a. Sal's associate to come and unlock a. case so I can get a thing of deodorant. yeah like they're like yeah sorry they. steal everything I'm like that's crazy.

but the problem is is if they get a use. of force with these people they're going. to get in trouble by the chain of. command because the chain of command. says well that's a heal that we don't. want to die on. you know just let them take it we'll. take the report that's not right that's. not right it's not right to the people. that own that store do you think this. shit's going to.

change the only way it can. change in my opinion is if Trump gets. reelected or if Trump gets put back in. office well I'm with you on that but. even even so I mean it's a it does when. he was in. office things changed I don't know what. happened but there was a little bit of a. span there where cops were being cops. again it's I don't know what it.

was but during the I was a cop for two. years during the Obama Obama. administration and it was. different they had a liberal chief. like who like said that we were pulling. over too many black. people that's another thing Sean I got. in trouble so anytime you do a traffic. stop you got to do a a traffic stop. incident thing where you put in male. female black white did you search the.

car what did you find I used to get in. trouble and have to go do racist classes. because I was pulling over too many. black people but my district was all. African-Americans like so what did I do. sto stopping. cars I let known drug dealers drive past. me because I'd already stopped too many. black. people and it's piss.

leadership it's. because instead of having a backbone of. being a. man they would rather throw you under. the bus and make the M El look good we. discipline him don't worry instead of. saying. hey Blake is assigned. to an area full of. African-Americans he's probably going to. have a high traffics operating for those.

kind of. people. like I have heard people say go stop. more white. people what does that even mean go. violate somebody's rights. stop them because they're white. now that's the leadership mentality that. we're having. Nationwide it don't even make. sense how would you even I mean how. would you begin to fix this a serious.

question. man I don't know Sean I really. don't because like it's got to. be on every. single person's mind. who wears a badge every single one of. them has to know about this oh they. do I've.

had so many people ask me if I can be. their voice please put this out hey this. happened do this hey like put can you. put this out on your social like. they can't go vocal about it right. because they're going to be punished. they're. terrified it's the good leaders have to. somehow get a backbone if they don't. have a backbone then they're not a good. leader that's true man you're.

right so yeah we have very few good. leaders in I mean the I don't give a. where they came from what the. they did if you get up there and you. don't have a backbone you're a piece of. and that's I agree seen it in the. military too these guys that have these. phenomenal careers and then they get up. top and they turn into a complete piece. of they're just chasing money. they're chasing now they're on a salary. and they're trying to max out their time. so now they can get promoted and then.

max out that time and get promoted so. their retirement looks. good so make more money in retirement. and it's it's so much easier to. write us up then stick up for. us so like when I was in the gang unit. we were the we were the Easy. Button we were the button. that for an example feemale brand new. female officer out in an area called.

Bonnie dun she was doing real police. work she had a good Sergeant they were. letting her do good police work she was. disrupting this non-traditional gangs. operation. they started getting tired of her she. did a traffic stop one time pulled over. a kid had a gun in the car gun was in. the passenger seat she arrested him he. was a convicted felon she knew. that all the people out of this little.

apartment complex came out and swarmed. her somebody ended up taking the gun out. the out the. seat thought her they were going to kill. her. so they said hey there's a female cop. that is being her life's being. threatened we need to go out and make a. our presence known coming from the. top who's this coming from coming from. the. top cool I'll stop what I'm.

doing we went out there drove around the. complex I'm like cool I need to stop a. car here so I waited till I saw a. traffic violation saw a traffic. violation. lit them up happen to be right in front. of the apartment. complex as I get out the. car man 30 40 people are coming. out I'm like oh no I'm like. hey we don't look like the regular. police we don't act like it get.

your asses back inside or you can get. some of this too they're like cook I was. like yeah so this is the gang. unit they call us like charger boys that. was a name that carried on from when. they were gvu everybody was scared of. the charger boys and uh we gave a head. nod went back. inside problem. solved the Uber driver it was an Uber. driver that we. stopped black.

kid said that I called people coming out. the apartment complex the. nword called in complaint so an. investigation happened I had my body. camera on 247. I will say. whatever I will say whatever with my. camera with my camera off whatever I say. with it off I'll say with it on I don't. change it's just who I am I said go. ahead and review it went in set it in it. uploaded didn't. happen but we had a major at the time.

named Major Whitaker he was racist he. was a black dude he was. racist he hated white police officers in. my opinion just my opinion he was not. proactive he was a horrible cop. throughout his. career and he didn't like the way I talk. to people in that neighborhood he. thought I was talking to them like that. cuz they were black so they called me in. the office in his office like okayy we.

refuse this footage major Whitaker wants. to have a conversation with you I'm like. dude okay I cussed sorry like when. you're in those environments you speak. their language. you don't tell them please get inside. they don't understand that they didn't. grow up with that verbiage hey get. inside okay cool sorry it's not it's not. regular police we're going back inside. so I get in there and they're all in. there and he's. like um talking.

about well we didn't like how you talk. to people in that neighborhood you know. it's a it's a minority. neighborhood um you know the times that. we're living in you could have been a. little nice sir I'm like I'm like. looking over at my leadership. like does anybody want to tell him why I. was there do you even know why I was out. there a female cop is being threatened. that they were going to kill. her I'm like looking at my leadership.

like y'all want to y'all didn't tell him. y'all didn't brief him on. this because in his mind I'm out there. just. freelancing the people that see me out. there have everybody being quiet. crickets hands in the. pockets he's like. C what would you have said if you're in. Van story's Hill Van Story was a really. nice neighborhood in fville and uh a.

group of four or five white women came. out drinking. wine and you were on a traffic stop what. would you tell. them again I'm looking at my leadership. like this dude's trying to bait me in on. a race. question they looking at me I'm. like I tell him get the back inside. we to regular. police nothing changes don't make this a. race thing my leadership like they're. like I'm like don't how about you be a.

man and say you sent us out. there the people that came in and told. us to go out there didn't say a word no. nobody spoke up and said hey. we sent them out there because X Y and. Z cuz they were threatening to kill a. female officer female police. officer nobody said a. word why because they're. cowards because they don't want to take.

the responsibility that they sent us out. there because it looks bad on them and. everybody's trying to get promoted how. the does it look bad if they sent. you out there because they're about to. help because they don't want to take. responsibility because a female officer. was about to get murdered they don't. want to take. responsibility nobody wants to take. accountability of sending people out to. do things when it comes down to it now. when it's good if it's good it's good. hey if we send them out there that was. on me Monday morning C uh um we do the. the uh crime stats come out right oh.

it's lower yep I sent the guys out there. we took care of that but when hits. the fan you're on your own and when the. waiter brings the bill to pay ain't. nobody else paying it but you everybody. else don't walked out that's a major. issue that we. have and I had that happen to me so many. times that it just became normal is that. why you. left I. left I left. because they had us out in an.

area a predominant gang area drug. area and I watch a car go by. and I realized that the driver was a guy. I had dealt with before named Joshua. Hill known to have guns known to sell. guns known to be a big dope boy not just. little Street stuff you know kilos of.

fentanyl kilos of cocaine he was he was. he was it is beautiful charger. man this chrome paint jaw big. rims so I get him and he takes. off I'll take off with him no lights no. Sirens take off with. him finally turn my blue license sirons. on he goes faster so I'm like. okay I'm going turn my blue leg Sirens. off I'm still following you brother and.

then he realizes he can't shake me we. didn't go far maybe 200 yards he pulls. over so I throw my car and Park. I'm like all right he's not jumping. out nothing's going. on took a deep breath and I was like. treat it like a regular traffic. stop don't act like it just almost. turned into. something so I go up to the. car rolls his window down man I see the.

bag his car is a. [Music]. thumping sweating. profusely can't even talk he's breathing. so hard I may Hey sir I'm protective cut. with the fville police department reason. why I pulled you over is we have a new. Chief you have really dark window Tin. Man uh window tense to flavor of the. month I'm I need DRS I'm G scratch off a. warning ticket and I'm hungry I'm go to. Chipotle okay we're gonna make this. quick so I'm like all right cool like.

where where's where's everybody at you. know I I didn't put I didn't get enough. time to put it on radio yet cuz he kept. we kept playing the games and I was. trying to get it out but I couldn't cuz. stop too soon so I get back at my car I. put it. out and a canine Officer shows. up and I was hoping for one of the gang. guys but the K9 came up which was great. because he's backing me. up look up his history man it's just gun. charges he's he's going away for a.

while I didn't see a gun when I went. back and watch my body camera you can. see it clear as day sitting right here I. just got focused. on the bag the. dope my attention went straight to the. dope I smell it I know I'm going to. search the car and I know what I need to. find is in that bag so I'm watching the. bag don't even see a gun don't even see. the Glock now it's a black gun with.

black center dash right. so we go up to the car I'm like hey man. I'm going to pull him. out like all right I'm hey Mr Hill need. you to step out of the vehicle before I. walk back I'd actually had him take his. keys out and put them on the. dash something I always did if I knew. that I was going to search a. car so because of this reason when I. walked back up and asked him to step out. of the vehicle he said. no open the door he grabs the door he.

shuts the door now he's trying to throw. it and. drive but he doesn't know that his keys. are on the dash we had turned the car. off and I made him put the keys on the. dash his ooop now is M went to I got to. get out of. here so I open up the door again I dive. in to get him he reaches down he goes to. pull out a GLOCK GLOCK hits the steering. wheel I grab a hold of the Glock if you. look right here on my hand I have two. scars you see them that's from his front.

sight post trying to rip it out of my. hand man I'm hitting him with elbows I'm. hitting with uh um I can't shoot him I'm. left-handed. my gun's over here I have a hold of his. gun with my left hand pinned down I'm. hitting him I start beating him over the. head with it shatters nothing he he. knows he's going to jail. forever man I'm like I'm getting tired. the canine Officer was trying to get in.

but he can't and uh wish I wish he would. have went around but it was a pretty. crazy. incident man. um the passenger door open I can't say. his name cuz he does federal work but. most big beautiful country boy ever that. was on our gang unit opens up the door. and just punches this dude man and we. fall. out get him in handcuffs some more. issues after that his. gun had his sweat dripping off the.

handle took pictures and videos of. everything so cool it's a useful Force. right cuz he he got hurt I hit him a. couple times he got scraped up on the. ground um people are outside filming. right cuz we're in a predominant. minority neighborhood and here we are. pulling out this. dude roughing him up a little bit. because he had a gun so go back to the.

station and uh upload my body camera I'm. typing my. report body camera uploads I'm allowed. to watch my body camera to write my. report out. accurately so I'm writing my. report and I I write it out submit it in. everything's good come to work next. morning and. uh I'd already before I get to this I'd. already tried to leave fille once and.

we'll get to that after this so the next. morning the report comes out or I get to. the office and come to my. desk hey. um then he j i his office I'm. like okay you know I mean did hit the. dude right so I'm sure I need to sign. internal fairs paperwork saying that I'm. being. investigated so I go in and I go to make. a right into uh the Sergeant's office.

and like no no no you're in this. room what. room the room that has the camera with. the red light on it right now that means. it's recording. they're like yeah I'm like oh okay it's. kind of. serious so I get in there they're. talking they're like hey on your body. camera you stated that you thought he. had a gun he never stated that he had a. gun but you wrote on your report that.

you observed the. gun we believe that you lied on your. report I'm like well hold on first of. all. I was fighting for my life my UD Loop. was all jacked up and I was trying to. yell that he had a. gun but I couldn't get past the initial. traffic stop when I was like man he's. got to I think he has a gun he has to. have a gun there has to be one in here.

but my ooop was so messed up I just kept. yelling I think he has a gun instead of. gun I made a. mistake nothing unlawful about what I. did I watched my body camera I wrote a. good report. I stated in my report that I thought he. had a gun until I observed a. gun but they were trying to twist it. around because that assistant chief. wanted me out of that unit James. nette so he was. pressuring of why I said I thought I had.

a gun and try to make it seem like I was. lying I got so emotional the gun was in. the body cam footage correct yes and we. had photos of the gun the gun was put in. evidence the gun was taken with his hand. all sliced up I'm bleeding the gun with. his DNA on it is. inevidence on body camera and we took. crime scene.

photos what are you what are y'all. talking. about so they wanted to suspend me for. for what cuz it would have sounded bad. on. CNN that's that's the that's if I would. have shot him it would have sounded bad. on CNN and I was too aggressive see I. don't what the do we even like why. do why is there even a fill Police. Department what's the honest question. honest question what the is the.

point so Chief Braden is there. now Chief bradden is the only one of the. few that has a backbone there there are. several others that he's promoted. they have backbones and they're making. better. choices Chief Braden is a is a crime. fighter the dude still wears tactical. pants he's been on SWAT team his whole. career he took eight rounds on a search. warrant he is De he is a he is a crime. fighter and he's the police chief there.

and he's doing the best he can and he's. promoting the right. people he's just now. fighting city. council why are we p over black people. like I don't know maybe because their. tags are dead why are we arresting more. black people maybe because they're. dealing drugs I I I don't know I just. know that a crime has being committed. and we are taking that person to jail no. matter what the color is so he has.

shaped the police department back he's. the tag team is doing more search Wars. now than ever they are back to trying to. be crime Fighters but he's just getting. so much pushed now from city council has. too much. power they have too much power because. for them to be able what do the do the. how do the. citizens combat this kind of I. don't know man I don't think enough give. a to be. honest I don't think they're.

aware you're not aware if you don't. attend the meetings and nobody attends. those. meetings well I mean they might be aware. that their city is being overrun by G. gangs. it's but they put out we don't have a. gang. problem the city council does we do have. a gang problem but I will say Sean. Braden is is doing. a I would I would go. back and work at the fville police.

department right. now I would under Chief Braden is the. only person I would now there are still. some cowards in that leadership but. there are more people now with backbones. that have were on Specialized units and. and were proactive police officers that. are making a difference there now the. biggest problem they're facing now is. trying to get city council to raise. their pay I work at fille and you can go. work at carry for $20,000 more dollars.

and it's a way nicer City but Chief. fought for them and did get them a pay. raise so he's doing the things there are. still some police departments that have. great leadership they're just I don't. doubt that and I'm not saying far and in. between but I'm. saying with the other. Chief what is the point of having a. police department I don't what is the. point the chief that I worked under that. was the assistant chief James nette the.

main Chief her name was Gina. Hawkins she tricked us she got hard. and started buying our tag team. everything and then it was like she. flipped a switch. overnight more people left because of. her than anything dude her last year as. a cop she was at a bar a gang bar on. Owen Drive in FA North Carolina left.

with the mayor 10 minutes later had a. homicide her vehicle was in front of the. building she showed up 2 hours later had. a police officer come pick her up cuz. they assumed that she was drunk showed. up at the crime scene one of the. homicide detective said hey chief I'm. here to brief you she said hey I'm here. to get my car she has sunglasses on and. a. wig they said we can't take your car she. moved him out the way went and took her.

vehicle that was taped off in the middle. of a crime scene and drove it. off the bar had cocaine in it the bar. was a it was. a homecoming weekend for faille State. University which is Fat's there's two. colleges three colleges methodus fville. Community College and then fville State. University which is a all black college. it was their homecoming they had a. massive party there with gang members. apparently I wasn't there there was.

drugs all over the bar that our police. chief was. at they paid her $250,000 she claimed. some racist that she was mistreated. because because of her race and then she. went back down to. Atlanta our city manager was only there. because he got a DUI in a county that. she worked in and she got him out the. DUI and then he hired her when he got. hired in faval she wasn't even in the. running he brought her back in the. running it's that kind of.

stuff that is going. unnoticed and why people are. leaving that's the shitty leadership I'm. talking about. so after they told me that it would have. sounded bad on. CNN I lost it I'm so mad you were going. to talk about something that happened a. couple weeks. prior oh yeah yeah yeah. so I was trying to leave.

fville. um and this is the first time this has. ever been heard other than my wife and a. few other. people nobody at Department never knew. why I came back a lied and said the. trooper the guy decided not to go to the. Troopers. so I decided I had to leave fville. because they were just man it was just. like one incident after. another just horrible leadership they. were telling us to go do something I'd. point my gun and then I'd get written up.

I'm like I can't sustain here I I can't. work here. anymore my mental health. is damn near gone and and I'm drinking. all the time all night long I'm. drinking so I applied for a police. department where I live now called. riceful. Beach went in for an. interview and I answered like four. questions and they were like hey you're. hired just don't do nothing stupid in. between now and when you can move up.

here I was like H. absolutely man the following. weekend like likeit that was on Thursday. yeah the following. weekend Saturday. there's an island called palm tree. island it's got a fake palm tree it's. you can go out pull the boats up and. swim it's super. fun it was July 4th weekend went out to. the island with some with some. friends I was just drinking man I drink. a whole fifth of.

fireball just I was at that point I'm. drinking out of Rage just pure. rage um because they didn't want to face. the reality that I have to still go back. to work. deal with bad leadership it got to the. point Sean where I didn't even want to. go to work I couldn't go to sleep. because the anxiety was so bad about. knowing that when I get to work tomorrow. somebody's going to task me with. something and then they're going to. write me up for it if it doesn't go. smooth. so man I drank this whole.

bottle back when my wife was drinking. too she was drunk and the people we came. on the boat with. left left. left us on an island sure there was a. bunch of people I was drunk I didn't. know. anybody so the island is is a it's in. the inter Coastal Waterway but it's it's. maybe 50 yards from the shoreline but. it's deep and it's a high Boat Boat. area so my wife say hey we're going to.

swim I'm like yeah we got another option. so we swam I'm like I'm a decent swimmer. but drunk it's kind of hard especially. with the current right low tide was. coming in so the current was pushing out. and I felt like I was drowning we get. all the way to the to the we make it. across we get to the. dock and I'm just a country boy from. West Virginia right I don't know about. all the Barnacles and everything on the. dock so I grab a hold of the dock. current's coming out current swe takes.

my legs out and just slices my. legs I'm like dang so get out and I look. down and I'm just bleeding I'm just. my whole leg legs is covered in. blood and I'm like oh my God we got to. get back to the house like I'm not. supposed to be out here acting a fool. and now I'm standing on a dock with. blood everywhere and I'm and I'm. hammered house not hammered. house so we take off. walking and we're not familiar with the.

area and we're drunk wife's like hey we. got to go this way I'm like no we have. to go this way this is the way to the. house she's like no so we getting this. massive verbal argument on the side of. the road cars everywhere it's July 4th. I'm screaming she's screaming I'm like. fine go that way I'm going this. way she she goes that way I go this way. man 45 seconds. later I hear.

it I turn. around this dude drawing down on me show. me your hand. I'm. like okay he comes over and handcuff me. he's like where's she at I'm like. who I like the lady you were arguing. with I'm like it's my wife she walked. that way I'm walking this way we're. trying to figure out who gets to the.

house. first puts me in the back of a cop. car rest of the cops show up they know. who I am ask the dude what happened. they went and found my. wife she's like nothing happened they. come back to him and they're like what. why did you put him in. handcuffs he's a cop in fville he didn't. do nothing wrong now he's in the back of. a cop car in. handcuffs takes me out they all.

apologize even take me to the to the. house and. uh I got a call Monday morning you're. not hired. so I tried to. leave and uh I. failed. so now I'm thinking man they all knew I. was leaving I told them I'd gotten the. job that Thursday and I was going to. prepare to. leave I was like oh my god dude.

how if they find out about. it I'm GNA get disciplinary action and. probably taken off the gang unit. how do I tell him I'm not going to this. department. anymore came up with a lie I said hey. the guy that was leaving to go to. Highway Patrol didn't get the job in the. highway patrol so he went back to the. job and they're not filling it they did. offer me a reserve job for now but I. told him that if I can't get a full-time.

job I can't commit to that and that. bought me about a month until this. incident occurred that I just explained. with fighting for the gun and then once. that happened. I had an emotional. breakdown I was like I can't leave this. place I'm stuck here I'm getting treated. I'm getting on right now in in a. room that's being interviewed because I. fought a guy for a gun the day before. and it would look bad on CNN well guess. what. what about my.

family because the fact of the matter is. if I would have died on that. Friday they would have had a nice. memorial service people would have. grieved they would have put these. beautiful flowers and Reefs on my car. had a memorial service Saturday funeral. on Monday and before the flowers died on. my vehicle Monday morning they would be. swiped off and it would be reissued out. my desk would be cleared and I would be. some stupid picture on a. wall and the next Generations of police.

officer would walk by and just know. that's just some guy that died. here and the only people grieving me for. the rest of my life would be my wife and. son that's the TR truth you don't ever. put an agency before your family because. the agency moves on your family doesn't. they grieve you forever the agency does. some stuff for a couple days. and then don't even communicate with. your family. anymore your badge gets reissued out. everything like you didn't exist except.

for the pitcher that collects dust in a. hallway that people don't even know who. you. are so I got. up I completely excuse myself from. this after they told me it would sounded. bad on CNN I didn't hear. anything I W I stood up went to the. bathroom outside the gang unit office. it's a single bathroom locked the door I. sat down on the ground and just cried my. eyes. out I said I can't do this because I.

knew that from here on. out I would never be able to make a. decision to protect myself in the event. of a deadly force encounter because I'll. always think about am I gonna get in. trouble and I can't do that I can't put. my family through it I wasn't feeling. well man. called my friend who was my U my family. doctor and I went and saw her I just. left I left an apartment went and saw.

her I guess they were still waiting for. me in I I don't know she said come in. immediately I went and saw her sat. down she said Blake you don't look. good I'm like what do you mean she goes. no like I see it you don't look good her. husband was a retired Green Beret and. she knows the look and uh she has talked. to me and I talked to her and she put me. on medical leave the um I always mess it.

up FM LFA whatever that is it's the. medical leave like the people take when. they have babies and stuff always mess. that up but Kyle's going to laugh at. that is always messed it up. but she said hey you you can't do this. job no. more she goes it it's gonna it's going. to take your. life I'm just crying man because I love. this job it's a highlight of my. life I I was in it man I was I was in it.

I I didn't get the opportunity to go SF. and here I am in the specialized unit. that is just big boy rules something I. always wanted was and we were killing it. and. um. man she gave me my paperwork and I went. back to the. department they're like oh where' you go. I was like hey I'm. out am not doing this some. more they're all mouth all dropped.

down I'm. like y'all did this to. me I love this. job I'd have died for any of. y'all I love this y'all more than. everybody in this. building and he stole my passion from. me because you failed to be a good. leader James nette stole the passion of. law enforcement out of me sucked it out. of me because he thought that was going. to help him be.

promoted stole it from me man I love law. enforcement that's why I love working at. Blueberry I love what I do now we give. so much to the community to law. enforcement all of our training courses. are. incredible because we're passionate. about what we do I've had somebody ask. me Blake why do you still give back to. the. community you're completely screwed over. because I love you and I love everybody. that wakes up every morning and puts a.

badge on and I'll say. this think about it like. this all the tier one guys all the. special Iz military units they go do the. most dangerous jobs in the world the. most secretest dangerous jobs in the. world but the difference they get to get. on an airplane and come back to United. States of. America police officers have deployed. 365 days a year seven days a week in a. city that they have to work in you want.

to talk about. paranoia I can't even go to Best Buy. with my son without being bumped into. somebody that I arrested for a drug. charge. and I don't know if he's going to kill. me right here or right. now that's paranoia law enforcements. take their life I believe because of. paranoia 185 law enforcement officers. killed themselves in. 2023 136 died in the line of duty why. are we having more officers Dying by.

self-inflicted gunshot wounds than they. are fighting. crime it's because the leadership is. pushing us to the point where we would. rather kill ourselves than have to see. your face in the morning that's. the problem and it needs to be addressed. Nationwide the doj needs to do something. about it somebody needs to do something. it's getting out of control and bad. leaders need to be how accountable they. need to be. fired man I'm passionate about this.

because I feel sorry for them because. there are some good ass cops out there. man that are still believing the right. still doing the right. thing but when it when the time comes. and there's a little little hiccup in. what they're doing they're thrown to the. wolves and their families have to suffer. because it comes out of a. paycheck that's. if you get an officer involved. shooting they put your ass in a closet. whether you're good or not if it's a. good shooting they put your ass in the.

closet get you a new gun and they make. you watch body camera. footage nobody checks on you it put you. in the worst job possible. man it's things need to be done better. people need to speak up you know how you. change this. Sean officers need to step up. and speak. up because as a unit as a whole they can. get some stuff done you might be scared. alone but man form you a.

group and and and and make sure that. that bad leader gets out of there or you. walk. out cuz they want that bad leader or. they want to lose a 100. people I try to bring this to Gina. Hawkins attention she called me when she. found out I was leaving begged me to. come in for an interview the day after. she said please come in we don't want. you to leave I said Chief I'm out I'm. like your leadership is horrible.

the people you have under you. horrible she said still come in and talk. to me come on. Blake I said all right I'll give you an. exit interview. I came in there I sat down started. telling their issues she didn't want to. hear it man she didn't want to hear she. took up for every one of those. dudes I said that's the problem that's. why I'm leaving I said you don't even. know it yet but you're about to have a. mass. exit like it's crazy the.

riots why would anybody want to be a cop. after the riots the city we lived in. they were burning the mall. down our SWAT team was riding around in. unmarked cars and it looked. like what's the. movie where they have like 24 hours to. kill. people you know what I'm talking about. ah what is that. movie Hunger Games no no they have 24.

hours to kill people it's legal all. crimes legal for 24 hours can't think of. the name of it I I if I wasn't on here. I'd spelled it off. but. man that's what it was like people doing. donuts in the middle of major. intersections shooting guns in the air. people shooting glass out of convenience. stores raiding Walmart shooting guns. employees in. Walmart calling for help cuz they can't.

leave that is a hostage rescue at this. point they're being held there by. gunfire we're not entering wal Walmart. we advised them they needed to shut. down. what we got to do. something like Academy Sports fville it. took us two years a year to recover from. from what happened. there two Patrol officers watch the.

vehicle watch four gentlemen run out of. Academy Sports like for the fifth time. carrying boatloads of guns throwing them. in the vehicle they recovered like 15. guns in the parking lot cuz they they. dropped got behind them was going to. stop them and James nette told him let. him go we have the license plate we'll. find the. guns. mindblowing Purge that's the movie The. Purge I've never seen anything like it.

in my life that incident happened in. Walmart man I remember sitting in the. vehicle and my eyes were so watery cuz I. was so. mad I was like every oh well we can't. you know like no man somebody right then. should have made a. decision like there are people that need. to be. saved go in the back let's go pull the. people out and drive on those people. need our. help they. just they said let them burn it.

down the residents of fville under her. leadership should have been. infuriated there's there's Radio Calls. of her saying Stand. Down James nette assistant chief cartoon. stand. down your city's burning. down people's lives are at stake what. are we. doing it reminded me of the scene Sean. from 13. hours remember when they're waiting to.

be released and they're just watching. the MC being burned and nobody will send. them it's what it reminded me of they're. burning their Market House Down. which is like this historic building. with the historian guy inside of. it let it. burn there's somebody inside of. there he ended up getting out. but what do you mean Let It.

Burn I just had so much that I couldn't. do it anymore. and I can't even imagine these massive. cities cops getting you see there was a. video recently out DC cop getting drugg. through the street stealing his cell. phone dude if I saw my partner getting. drug like. that but I'm going to go get two or. three people and we're going to come in.

like like the wolf pack from WWF we. coming in. hot we going to we we're going to lay. the law down but but they can't people. are scared they watch their buddy be. drug off because they're. scared you shouldn't even been. there it's. um I love the the people man who are out. fighting every day I really do I'm their. voice for them I will continue to.

support them because there's a lot of. good young cops out there but. man you have to come together as a whole. what would. you this is. infuriating I can't even imagine how you. feel cuz I'm. inferior. but I mean what do you say to these.

guys the young guys hey man focus on why. you're doing. it CU it's not for Mone it's your. calling that you feel like that you're. being called to. do focus on the positive impacts that. you're making on people's. lives that's what kept me there so long. when I was in the gang unit we would go. do search. warrants and I would there would be kids. without. beds the next morning I would go to The.

Mattress. Warehouse and buy mattresses and then. deliver them to that house for those. kids kids I've taken Vans off my feet I. used to keep boxes of vans in my feet of. different sizes to give out to kids who. didn't have shoes I have pictures of all. this I used to find the the what I would. feel like a kid in the neighborhood in a. neighborhood who just wasn't in a game. but wanted to affiliate with a game who.

just was on a bad path and I'd say hey. man look I'm not asking for passing. grade or I'm not asking for A's and Bs. in schools bring me passing grades I'll. buy you Kevin Gate concert tickets when. he comes to faill I'll buy you. skateboards I'll buy you a. bicycle bicycles are. huge it gives them the ability to go get. a job gives them the ability to escape. their. situation that's why like we have a bike. drive at Jimmy's at riceful beach it's a. bike drive we rais two or three thousand.

bikes in 30 days brand new bikes not. used bikes we raise these bikes and we. give them we give them out at Christmas. to kids who get nothing for Christmas. cuz a bicycle to a teenager that's. living a horrible life is a way for them. to escape to go get a job go do. something instead of just walking around. I have a huge passion with this bike. drive I have a huge passion with I used. to buy kids bikes all the time it's.

because I'm giving them the. ability to get away from what their. environment is producing for them I'm. giving them something some motivation. man I see buy skateboards all the time. we have a skate shop in fville man and. they were so awesome they would sell me. boards at 50%. off and I I'd go to the neighborhood and. I'd give it to the kid or if there was a. kid that we did a search warant on that. was. traumatized i' i' I'd go play basketball.

with them there's a there's one pcture. man it's my favorite piture is hanging. up in my house it's the gang unit we. just went in a neighborhood we played. basketball with all these kids they were. terrif of police it's Massie Hills one. of the worst neighborhoods and they're. damn sure terrified dudes with beards. and long hair because that's normally. people that are coming to take their. parents away for a while right we're the. jump out boys and. uh just got out and started playing. basketball with him one day used to do. it all the time on the road just play.

basketball with him and there's this. picture of this kid's sitting on my. shoulders he's messing with my hat his. brothers and sisters are here and the. Gang unit's here. and. uh it meant so much to those kids man to. see that we're humans law enforcement. officers are. humans the problem is that citizens see. us at their worst. moments they'll never see us at their. best moments so if their worst moment we. either good or evil it doesn't matter.

they still don't get to see us as humans. you know when I go home and I take off. that vest I'm a husband I'm a father I'm. a son I'm a. brother I'm a. human I used to have thrown on me. when I was on. patrol crazy lady in her hand and. threw it on. me all I did was ask her to get out of. the. road people don't understand.

that so when people like are are. wondering why officers are aggressive. you're just seeing them in that capacity. you don't know what they just came. from they you're humans find them. outside this they'll joke with you. they'll have a beer with you they'll. hang out with you they're they're just. normal people that have a job and an. oath to. protect that's.

it Dam. man just stay motivated. do it for the right reasons and be a. good cop and know that you're impacting. somebody's life whether it's one. person or it's a 100 people you're. impacting somebody's life you have the. ability to reach somebody at their worst. moment and try to make it a smidge. better by just your.

presence that's the key man of being a. good. cop try to make somebody's worst moment. a tad bit better. how would you want a cop to approach you. at your worst. moment that's it man you do that you're. going to be okay you'll have a good. career but when it's time to go to. work time to go to work it's time to be. the police when it's time to be the. police but you got to be able to switch. it up and switch it down it's the.

biggest thing about CQB is when known to. throttle it up throttle it down that's. what makes a. professional you know I truly believe. that a professional law enforcement. officer. is not one that gets in. shootings I was fortunate of eight years. to not get into I didn't never pull the. trigger that is because I did. everything as a professional there's. nothing more professional than going. into a crazy environment not having to. kill somebody having to talk them out of. their worst moment having to have better.

tactics than the bad guy to get them in. handcuffs that is being a professional. that is what should set you aside from. everybody else El is being able to go do. what I consider to be the country's most. dangerous job and not ever pull the. trigger because you have better tactics. you're out thinking and you have the. ability to talk somebody down at their. worst. moment that's what makes a good cop. Sean is that's what makes a professional. in my.

opinion. damn that's damn good advice. brother I try to live by that man I did. I really. did I wanted to make an. impact that's all I wanted to. do well it sounds like you made a hell. of an impact I like to think I. did I really do I bet there's a lot of. people that that know you did I.

appreciate that it means a lot honestly. you're welcome I tried well Blake we're. wrapping up the interview. but. um and man I'll tell you it's been a. real. honor it's been a pleasure to be able to. sit here. and and share this story you know a lot. of things man I've never even said out. loud so thank you for having me on the. show and using this platform and man if.

it just helps one. person that's all that. matters that's it's going to help a lot. of people and um man seriously I just. I'm so glad Kyle you know connected us. and um sounds like blue bearing. Solutions is doing just amazing stuff. and um all that stuff will be linked. below if you guys want. to follow Kyle and Blake and and uh take.

some courses. but yeah like I think my more important. than business I just I just want to say. thank you man thank you Sean thank you. for the service you've done and and and. man just thank you for law enforcement. everywhere I I know that Community is. going through. a a real tough time right now. and. uh there's a lot of us.

that that appreciate. it that appreciate the service that wish. Le the best and and. um we support you we we do and um I hope. they hear that yeah I I think that's the. most important thing for them to hear is. that stay off the news stay off social.

media because people support you and. I'll say something too to I always do it. but um. man if you. are for the listeners if you. are if you do support and we all do. anybody that watches this channel. supports law. enforcement man just take 5 Seconds out. of your day and say thank you that's. wish him.

safety I appreciate every person to stop. me and say thank. you it's the only positive thing I ever. got. during that 10-hour. shift I do have one last question all. right I mean it sounds like your mom has. been there for you and I. mean she's always been. there sounds like a very very strong.

woman and. uh is she going to watch this I'm sure. you have to say. um I would not be who I am without her. she never gave up on. me um she's been my mom and my dad she's. been my biggest. supporter um I love you and I'm so.

grateful that God gave me you gave you. as my. mother um. thank you for never giving up on. me good for you. man I wish you the best of luck and. um I'm just very thankful that we met. I'm I'm beyond grateful.

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