Chinese Vlogger Set On Fire During Livestream - Case of LaMu

Barabing baraboom. September 14th, 2020 at around 8:00 p.m. A Chinese vlogger by the name of Lhamo. went live. And she was in the kitchen of her dad's. house. She's wearing her traditional. Tibetan clothes and she looks very. happy. As usual, she's kind of one of. like those wholesome vloggers. She's. lip-syncing to songs. She's interacting. with her viewers. She's whispering, you. know, I have to stay in the kitchen. because my father and my brother-in-law. are upstairs sleeping. So, I'm trying to. keep it down. I don't want to scream too.

much. And for the next few minutes, everyone. is smiling while they're watching her. See, Lhamo was kind of a lot of people's. comfort vlogger. She was a safe space. for most people. She was one of the. wholesome ones on the internet. And so, all of her live streams, all of her. videos, her overall presence online just. brought a lot of. peace to those that were watching. But. this one would be very different because. it would be her very last live stream. Only a couple minutes after the live. stream started, a lot of the viewers had.

heard this very loud bang from. offscreen. And Lhamo looked up. She. looks immediately alarmed. You can see. that on the camera. And viewers are. tuning into the live. They could sort of. hear these heavy footsteps on the wood. floor. And Lhamo jumps up, knocking her. phone flat off the tripod. So, it's the. screen goes dark. You can't see. anything, but the live was not. disconnected. So, you can still hear. everything that's going on. There's some sort of tussle. People are. confused. And there's the sound of water.

or some sort of liquid that was pouring. around. That was kind of being splashed. as if someone took a water cup and just. threw it at someone. Lhamo is heard screaming, "Help! Murder! Help!". Then there were more footsteps just. thumping down the stairs. And you can. hear her scream, "Apa, run! He's going. to make me explode! Brother-in-law, stay. away! He poured gasoline all over me and. he's about to light it.". What?

The viewers can assume that her father. and brother-in-law rushed down the. stairs when they heard her scream. And. now they know why she was screaming. They don't know who this person is or. who this man is and they don't know if. Lhamo even knows him. They can't see. anything. They could hear one of the. family members trying to talk to the. intruder, trying to calm him down. But his voice gets further and further. away then closer then further and it's. just so hectic. We have no idea what's. going on. Then the viewers hear a very slight, barely there click.

And this loud crackling noise. And it. sounds like a fire. Lhamo is screaming again and this time. from pain. Then the live stream cuts. All of her viewers were shocked. I mean, this doesn't even seem real. If this. were any other internet personality, they would take this as a joke. You. know, there have been instances where. YouTubers will pretend to be regular. vloggers, have this whole elaborate. thing set up and they they start making. their viewers believe that they're being. stalked or that they're being broken.

into or that someone's messing with them. or they've got this crazy they're about. to get kidnapped and it turns out it was. all for views. There have been instances. of that, but people. couldn't really believe that with Lhamo. I mean, they almost wanted to believe. that. But the screams, the panic in her. father's voice and. she never seemed to be that type of. vlogger to do that. A few days later, news came out. Lhamo's. house had been destroyed in a fire that. was supposed to take the lives of all. three residents.

When the fire rescue got to the scene, Lhamo's body. They only knew it was a person because. of the shape of how she was found. Her. skin had basically charred into the. wooden floor, but she was still alive. What? She had severe burns on 90% of her body. She I mean, she was alive. And so was her family. They had managed to escape and they. hadn't been seriously hurt, but the. killer escaped as well. So, now everyone.

has the question of, well, first and. foremost, is Lhamo going to survive? Is. she going to make it? And was this. person someone she knew? Was this. someone that watched her? Was it like a. creepy stalker? Was it a viewer? Was it. random? Was it targeted? Why would. someone do this to let alone anyone, but. why would they do it to this wholesome, beloved, kind blogger from China?

As always, full show notes are available. at rottenmango podcast.com. This case happened fairly recently. The. crime itself took place in 2020 and the. court case was even more recent. One of. our wonderful Chinese researchers helped. us gather a lot of the research for this. cuz, you know, it's primarily in. Mandarin. And it's honestly one of the.

scariest things that I've researched in. a really long time. This whole story is. just full of hatred and jealousy from a. single person. I mean, I think that's so. scary to have all of these emotions come. from a single human. And it's heartbreaking because it ends. in we kind of know where this is going. It ends in a very scary, terrifying way. The case deals with a lot of. interpersonal violence. So, if you or. anyone you know is in a similar. situation, just know that it's not your. fault. You're not alone. I'm going to.

link some resources in the show notes. and just remember, clear your history, clear your cookies, clear your call. logs. Please stay safe. And with that being said, let's get into. it. Lhamo was an influencer, but she's not. the kind that you're thinking of. Okay? Like trust me, she's really, really. different. She actually found a niche. for herself on Douyin, uh Chinese. TikTok. And she was a Chinese national, but ethnically Tibetan. And she's living. in the autonomous prefecture of China.

called Aba for short. It's like this. underdeveloped area that is known for. their beautiful, snowy mountain peaks. and they just have like these glassy. skies. It's it's filled with a lot of. solid communities, but it is hard to. make a living there. Most residents do. move out to find jobs in neighboring. cities, but not Lhamo. Uh she stayed. behind to take care and provide for her. aging father. Her job, she would go out. into the mountains whenever the season. rolled around. And for days, I'm talking like 10 days.

at a time, she would go pick Chinese. herbal meds, like herbs to make herbal. medication. And this is not a cute little mountain. This not a cute little hill and a cute. little farm with an established trail. and a road and like shelters and seeds. She would have to put on a giant. backpack, sleep in the pitch black. mountains for 2 weeks at a time while. she's just foraging for herbs. She posted videos about her life in Aba. and her adventures like hunting the. mountains for herbs. And I mean, just.

even picturing it, it kind of sounds. like a social media success, no? Like. she would vlog everything that she eats. while she's out in the mountains. And it. was fascinating, but it was still so. incredibly wholesome. Like she would. show that she had packed noodles and. cabbage and these boiled eggs. And this. is like boiled eggs from 2 weeks ago. And her boiled eggs would be broken or. squished from all the weight of the. bags. And she would just laugh and she. would show her viewers like, "Oh my god, look at how goofy my egg looks.".

And then the nightfall would come and. she's by herself in this mountain. And every day she's just eating noodles. It's like the same packaged noodle and. she would never complain. She just had. like one piece of veggie, one piece of. meat in every pack for dinner and she. was so grateful.

She slept on rocks in the mountains cuz. you have to make sure you don't get wet. and the floor is moist, I believe. So, you have to sleep on the rocks and then. put your blanket on the rocks. But it's. it's not comfortable. You don't sleep well, you know, and she. would wake up in the middle of the night. because probably how uncomfortable she. was or how cold it was. And she would just turn on her camera. and like sing to her viewers until she. fell asleep.

And she just had this really devoted fan. base. I mean, they always called her the. most down-to-earth person. She never. complained in her videos. Even though. she's literally in the middle of a. mountain freezing, sleeping on rocks for. days at a time. She talked about how her. dad was sick and he just needed someone. to take care of him and she happily. stepped up to the plate. Like she never. made comments about how, "Oh, you know, if my father weren't sick, I would.

probably move on and like do different. things or have a different job." She was. never bitter. Never. She would just get so excited if. she found an especially good herb and. she would show her viewers like, "Oh, this herb is used for A, B, C, and D and. like you can cook it this way.". So, she just focused on finding the joy. in all these little things, you know, no. matter how hard things got. And she would tell the viewers, you. know, "Hi, I'm the Tibetan girl from the. mountains. My name is Lhamo.". In another video, she's vlogging and she. would say things like, "It's time for.

dinner, everyone. This is what we're eating. I just dug. these up from the ground. And look at. how wet my shoes are. Oh my gosh, my. gloves are all wet. But the sun is out. now, so I'm just going to enjoy the sun. and then I'm going to continue my work.". And you watch it and you just think. like, "How can someone be so happy and. grateful for every little thing?" She. makes you want to be more like her. But. I don't think that she knew how much she. meant to the internet or her viewers. One time she introduced herself saying,

"My name is Lamu, poor family, ugly. person, 165 cm in height, elementary. school education with a rural household. registration.". She's obviously not an ugly person, and. while she did come from an impoverished. background, and she did not have an. advanced education, I don't think that. those things detracted from who she was. They just made her much more impressive. Her viewers just said that she had like. the purest soul. You know, but I think. not a single person knew what was going. on in her life. She would have all these.

videos, and she would post herself. singing and dancing and going on walks. and her daily activities, but. netizens didn't really know everything. They would just point out that, "Hey, I. think she works hard cuz look at her. hands." There's actually a TikTok that. netizens commented on, and um it was. there was a brief shot of a close-up of. her hands, and they're covered in. calluses and dirt. And she's just smiling as she's working. And now, her father and brother-in-law. are running down the stairs, and they're.

seeing her standing there drenched in. gasoline, and there is a man pointing a. knife at her throat. This is while the livestream is still. ongoing. And she keeps screaming at her dad to to. run, telling her brother-in-law stay. away, run. Her father is frozen, he's. trying to take in the situation. He knew. that he's an elderly sick man. I mean, there's no way that he's going to. overpower this younger man. No way, especially with a knife straight on her. throat. His son-in-law, who was standing right. next to him, I mean, he was average. They were no match against this evil.

despicable human being in front of them. So, they try to de-escalate the. situation. The brother-in-law asked, "Okay. Okay, why are you here? What do you want?". Meanwhile, Lamu's dad went to the front. door hoping to unlock it so that they. could all distract the man with the. weapon, and they could all run out the. front, including Lamu. But the front. door had somehow been locked from the. outside. Someone had barricaded it from. the outside. So, this man had planned. all of this. He came into the house. after he barricaded the front door.

So, he's not trying to leave either? The. only way out is the back door. Mhm. So, the dad runs to the back door, runs. outside, and rushes to call the police, but he turns around and he sees his. son-in-law standing behind him. So, now. both of them are outside in the. backyard, and Lamu and this knifed man. are inside the house in the kitchen. still. So, they hope that they can call the. police, and they would get here, and. they don't really know the intentions of. this man. Maybe he wants to scare them. Maybe he wants to scare Lamu. I don't think. I mean, I think the imminent danger was. there, but I don't think that they were.

all thinking he's going to murder her. while we're outside. This was their best. shot to get the police down here. Would. they go back in and try to de-escalate. the situation? And whatever they were doing right now, it just wasn't working. But as they. reached that threshold outside, it's. almost instantly, before they can even. call the police, this wall of heat goes up behind them. It's like suddenly they were standing in. front of a furnace. The kitchen was on fire. And the father. is screaming, his daughter's still. inside. He pulled his shirt over his.

mouth, and he ran into the burning. house. The brother-in-law appeared by. his side, and they're staggering through. the kitchen looking for Lamu. She's. screaming out in pain. And then the house exploded. Flames had reached the second floor, and. they weakened the support beams. So, the. inside collapsed in a wall of flaming. just brick and wood, and the explosion. blasted the dad and the brother-in-law. outside. Neighbors who saw the smoke, they rushed. over. They dragged the brother-in-law, they dragged the dad's bodies away from.

the house while they waited for the. firefighters. And the dad, he was only. out for like a minute or two. He was. unconscious. So, when he regained. consciousness, before even the. firefighters got there, before the. police got there, the crowd of neighbors. had to physically hold him down to the. ground because he's crawling, fighting. to run back into this collapsing house. The second floor had already crumbled in. on itself. All the entryways were. blocked with burning wood and debris, and he had no idea how he was going to.

get inside, and he did not care. They could still hear Lamu screaming. Oh. my god. She was dying, and there was nothing. they could do to help. It would actually take 3 whole hours. before firefighters could enter the. home. You have to remember, this is a. very rural area. She was burning for 3 hours? Yeah. Oh my. god. They retrieved Lamu, and. the dad looked around at the just the.

crowd of faces, but he knew it was. useless. The evil man had gotten out of the. house, and he had left. He used the chaos, the. the explosion, the distraction, and his. daughter's murderer was now free. Her ex-husband. was now free. Lamu had recently. Lamu's ex-husband? Yeah. Lamu. killer? Lamu had recently divorced her husband. of over a decade, the man she had two. children with, and he basically refused. to let her go. And now, she's laying in.

a hospital bed in a coma with severe. burns on over 90% of her body. Her long. black hair was all burned off. Her whole. body was charred. It stated that some. parts of her flesh were resembling. cooked meat. The doctors had no choice. but to cut off a lot of her flesh and. skin to even get to her body to try and. perform life-saving measures. They had. to basically peel a layer of skin off of. her body. Her exam results show that she had burns. on 90% of her body. She had gone into.

hypovolemic shock, which is when your. body loses a large amount of blood or. fluid. It stated that she had lost more. than 20% of her blood volume. She had multiple organ failure. She had. coagulation function disorder, meaning. her body was forming either too many or. too few blood clots. She had acute. kidney failure, liver failure, inhalation injury from smoke inhalation, acute gastritis or sudden inflammation. of her stomach lining, skin lacerations. probably from either the falling debris. or the knife. I think behind her left.

ear, she sustained knife injuries. And. last but not least, she had compartment. syndrome, which means there was a. dangerous amount of pressure build-up in. her muscles. So, she was in a coma, and side note, I. don't know if they have this in the rest. of the world, but in a lot of parts of. China, they have something called the. APACHE test, the acute psychological and. chronic health examination. So, each. hospital patient can take the test and. receive a certain number of points. The.

higher the points, the more risk they. have of dying in the hospital. So, the low-risk category is from scores. 5 to 16. That means they're probably. here because they're very uncomfortable, they're in a bit of pain. Moderate is 17. to 28, and high risk of death is. anything 29 and higher. Lamu's score was. a 31. And her family could only sit there at. they're wondering like, "Why? Why Lamu? Why could he just not let her go?". Lamu also has an older sister, and she.

was at the hospital, and she found. herself wondering out loud, and she. would say things like, you know, "I. don't want to cry. because if Lamu was awake, no matter how big of a challenge she was. facing, she was always smiling. But now. I cry every single day. I feel like I'm. not as strong as Lamu. I just can't hold. back, and I'm so sorry about this cuz I. feel like I can't control my emotions, but. you know, she stayed in her ex-husband's. home. for 13 years working like a cow, working.

like a horse. And when they divorced, she didn't even. take a needle or thread. She only took a few pieces of her own. clothing, and she left. And even like that, they still wouldn't give her a chance to. live. And she blamed herself. She said, "Sometimes I feel like my whole family. is too weak. I hate myself that I. couldn't help her.". So, they're sitting in the hospital, and. the medical bill is going through the. roof. The hospital quoted that made. total of 1 million Chinese yuan, or a. little over 140,000 US dollars. They did.

not have insurance. They're from a rural. village of China. I mean, the money that. Lamu's family saved up was. it was laughable in comparison to that. The family had nothing. They had no choice but to ask Lamu's. 800,000 followers for help. And that would have been a miracle cuz. think about all the people on social. media that ask for help these days. The dad wrote a letter to her followers. and to netizens, and he wrote, "On the.

evening of September 14th, my daughter. was burned by her ex-husband while. livestreaming on Douyin at home. It caused extensive burns all over her. body, and now she is dying in the. hospital. The state people's hospital recommended. a transfer, and the cost of treatment. exceeded 1 million. Seeing my daughter. in front of me beyond recognition, I no. longer have the motivation to live. Seeing her struggle with death, and even. just a glimmer of vital signs, I have to. do everything to save her life. Life is. fragile, but people's hearts are strong,

and I beg someone to help my poor. daughter. Reluctantly, I write this letter of help. begging you to lend me a helping hand. I hope my daughter will get better. I thank you, but we desperately need. your help.". On September 17th, Lamu's Douyin account. had a new video, and it was from her. older sister. And she said, "For those who like Lamu, I'm her sister. She was burned with gasoline by her. ex-husband a few days ago, and she's. currently in the ICU. She's in a.

life-threatening condition and needs to. be transferred immediately. Her medical. bills are around a million yuan. We hope. that everyone can donate and help save. my poor sister, and just let her get. through this stage. Thank you, everyone. Do you believe in miracles? Because. within 7 hours, they exceeded the. donations, and the transfer was made. possible. Lamu was transferred to a. state hospital, and the family was going. to be able to afford the treatment. They. felt like this glimmer of hope, and on.

top of that, it felt like it was going. to be okay. What's crazy is that even in. that moment after they exceeded the. goal, we don't know how much more the. bills are going to be, but. people kept donating, and the family actually came out and. said, "It's okay, we passed our goal. You guys don't have to donate your. hard-earned money anymore.". It just felt like the universe was. listening, you know? And. at this point, she was getting better. She was in stable condition, and people. were being so kind, and it was like the.

hope in the world was being restored. And at one moment, Lamu, her eyelashes, her eyelid actually fluttered for a. second. But the universe has her cruel days. And on September 24th, after all of. these hopeful signs, and after all of. these people thinking that, "Okay, as. long as we come together now, we can. make miracles happen." At the end of. September, Lamu passed away. She was 30 years old, and it was the. last day of September at 11:16 p.m. when.

her heart stopped. And she was dead. And her sister sobbed. And she cried. I hope that wherever you are on the. other side, it's a world with no harm, and I hope. it's a world where domestic violence. doesn't exist. And after you reincarnate, I hope you can find a better family. A family that can protect you better.

And then she went through her father's. house looking for all the pictures of. Lamu, and she dug through all of Lamu's. old belongings, and she piled together. every single picture that she could. find, and then very carefully, she took. a pair of scissors and cut out her. sister's killer's picture from each and. every photo. She didn't even try to make. it look like he was never there. Some of. the pictures just have a ghost-shaped. hole in the center of them.

She did not care about how pretty it. looked. She cared about erasing. everything about this man out of her. sister's life once and for all. And at the end, she's. left with this stack of hole-filled. pictures and a pile of the evil man's. face cutouts. And I hope she burned them all. Tong Lu was the ghost in Lamu's life. We're going to call him Tong to make it. easier to follow, but Tong and Lamu,

they met 12 years before all of this. happened. And Tong is an interesting. guy, okay? So, Tong was born to an. impoverished family, which is very. similar to everyone in this community, and his highest education level was. middle school. He doesn't go to high. school. He ends up delivering bread. He's like a bread delivery man. And he. was destined to live like this mediocre. life, right? Which is fine. There's nothing wrong. with that. I'm not judging it. I'm just. saying that's kind of the route that. everyone in this community was taking. But he didn't like it.

And it's not because he was so motivated. or hardworking. He just always wanted to. be those guys. He wanted to be the. richest guy in the room. He wanted to be. the one that everyone would respect. He. would wanted to be the one that everyone. would be jealous of. So, his parents actually ended up. selling a plot of land, and they opened. up a tea shop with that money. The tea shop ended up doing really well. And this guy is like, "You know what? Forget the bread. I'm not making enough. bread selling bread." So, he quits his. job, and his whole intention, he's.

telling his parents, "You know what? I'm. going to help you guys with the tea. shop." Is that what he does? Absolutely. not. But he's talking the talk. He's. going like, "I'm going to multiply the. business. I'm going to 10x this. The 10x. the profits." He quits his bread. delivery job. He just lives off his. parents. He lounges around, gets. involved in some shady business, blows. his parents' money acting like the. richest guy in the neighborhood. I mean, just to give you a good feel for what. kind of person he was, he was doing his. absolute best to be the bad boy in town.

He just had this uncontrollable ego. because he and his family were doing. better than the rest of the people. around him, and I think that he. genuinely got off on that. So, he ends up getting into alcohol, ends up getting into drugs when he. should have been helping support his. family business. And then, it almost seemed like true. love changed him. Like, that's kind of what his friends. even thought. That's kind of what his. family thought. They all poked fun at. him. At least for a little while. He meets Lamu, and his whole life is a. 180. I mean, the minute that Lamu holds his.

hand for the first time, it's like a. switch flipped. He's like, "You know. what? I'm going to be a better man for. this woman. I want to be deserving of a. kind soul like her." He stopped. drinking. He stopped hanging out with. all of these women. He stopped going out. at night. He spent all of his time with. Lamu. They were so in love. They. promised each other that they would get. married. And after 3 years, which I feel. like 3 years of dating someone on. average is kind of a long time to get. married these days, you know? Like, 3. months kind of short, but 3 years, it's. pretty appropriate, if not on the longer. side.

The problem was, they met when Lamu was. 16, and she would be 19 in 3 years. So, even. though 3 years of dating seems like a. long time to get engaged, it's not. because she's only 19. And her friends kept telling her, "Don't. get together so quickly. Like, date. What What is the rush to get married? I. don't think that Tong is a reliable. person.". Her mother said, "You know, you guys are. still young. Getting married so young is just not. appropriate. Plus, I'm still young. I don't want grandkids,

you know? Like, just wait.". So, everyone kind of told her not to get. married that quick? Then everyone must have some kind of red. flags on this guy, right? Yeah. So, whether he did do a 180, or just. pretended to do a 180, or even just how. alarming his past was, I think people. just didn't like him. And I think Lamu. genuinely doesn't have that kind of. past. She's truly this like wholesome. person that just wants to help her. family, and she ends up falling in love. with the town's bad boy. Mhm.

It's just you want to say, "No, don't do. that, right?" And of course, Lamu, she's. in love, and I don't blame her. She's. like, "I'm willing to put in the work. I. mean, what's age? Age is just a number. Like, I'm responsible. I've been holding. down the family. Why can't I hold down a. marriage? I'm going to put all my time. and effort into this." But marriage is. 50/50 in the end. It's like not about the effort from one. person, but rather the collective. And. in the end, Tong was just not there with. her. I mean, at first, married life was. bliss. Tong gets a job as a taxi driver.

Lamu is staying at home, occasionally. helping out at the tea shop. They would. go on these like long walks. They were. constantly holding hands and eating. dinner together every night. Villagers. said that they were inseparable. But then Lamu got pregnant. And we've talked about this before. But. unfortunately, a lot of male abusers. start their abuse on their female when. they're pregnant. It's an emotional and vulnerable time, and the woman's priorities typically. drastically shifts. It goes from.

I mean, in these types of relationships, it goes from being about her husband and. being about her relationship to being. about her child, to being about her body. and this amazing process that she's. going through. And these narcissistic. clowns just cannot handle it. They. cannot handle it. So, the abuse starts. when she's pregnant, and Tong just keeps. going back to it. He keeps going back to. his old ways. Sometimes Tong would come. home from gambling, and he would be so. frustrated, he would just pick random. fights with his wife. And Lamu is so furious, and she's.

begging him, "Please, stop throwing our. future away.". But he would say, "You're controlling.". He would complain that all she does is. nag him and doesn't want him to be. himself or have fun, and she's so. selfish and is miserable and is tying. him down. They were still living with. Tong's parents at this point, and Tong. Lu's mother said she heard them fighting. so much, it almost became white noise. And then things got worse. Tong Lu got in contact with his old. buddies, and he started doing his dirty. business again. Now, sources don't. specify what his dirty business refers.

to, but I have my suspicions. It's. probably drug dealing or gang-related. activities, something like that. Regardless, it's it's a pretty horrible. thing to do as a parent. Not only do you. risk exposing your kid to all of these. activities, but on top of that, you. could be robbing them of a parent if. you're to land in jail. Like, it's horrendous. And they don't need the. money. So, Lamu, as a protective, loving, caring mom, she has every right. to be upset with her husband, especially. since it's not like we need this money. Like, we have the tea shop. We're doing. okay. Like, why do you want to do this?

They get into another heated fight, and. he punches her for the first time. And there is a saying that goes, it's. either zero times or infinite times. For all my listeners out there, if. there's a first time, make sure it's the last time. I think everyone deserves someone who. gets physically sick at the thought of. hurting people, and not as an impulse control problem or. stress release.

So, after he hits her for the first. time, she packs up her bags, and she. told him straight up, "I'm moving back. to my parents' house, and there's. nothing you can do about it." And what. does Tong do? He does what every single. abuser does. He gets on his knees, and. he's begging her, begging her to stay, sobbing, talking about how he just. There's something wrong with him. He. needs to fix it, and he's going to fix. it for her. Of course, they're living with Tong's. parents, and Tong's mom hears this, and. she comes out, and she turns on her son. and slaps him across the face. So, she's.

establishing, which I'm like, "Okay, this is good. This is very good. Maybe. this will be her supporting Lamu and. having her move on, and still being a. grandmother in the child's life, but, you know, forget the son.". But it seemed like this slap had an. ulterior motive. She slaps her son across the face. and then turns to Lamu and says, "You know, Lamu, when. me and my husband were young, we used to. argue and fight a lot, too. But I tell you, as we got older, it got.

better.". And she begged her to stay. I don't even know what to say about. that, okay? But what could Lamu do? I. mean, like I told you already, she is a. compassionate, understanding I mean, she's outrageously empathetic. Of. course, seeing her husband crying and. seeing her husband's mom, her. mother-in-law crying, sobbing, begging, it's pulling at her heartstrings. Like, this is the man that she dreamed of. growing old with, and she promised to. stay by his side no matter what. So, if. he needs her most in this moment where.

he's breaking down and realizing how. messed up he's gotten, she should be there for him. So, she put her bags down, and she went back into the room. But then it happened again. And again, and again, and it wasn't even. something avoidable, which it never is. in domestic violence situations. It's. never a big fight or even a mistake. Not. that that excuses abusive behavior, but. it could be the smallest argument that. turns to violence. And most of the time, Tong would be the.

one picking a fight and then hitting. her. And at first, it was a push or a. slap or a pinch, but then it would. escalate. Every time he would break down. crying and just beg for her forgiveness. And every time, she would grant it. Now, I just want to reiterate the victim. is never in an abusive relationship. It's just one of those situations where. I feel like we don't understand unless. we've been in it ourselves. But Lamu is not naive. Their. relationship had fallen into this cycle. of abuse, and and she could see it. You know, she hoped that he would.

change, but each time he apologized, it. would only be a matter of time. It was. like a clicking clock, a timer. Just. when is it going to happen? She hated walking on eggshells, and one. day, she was so fed up, she got in his. face and she told him, "You know what? I'm tired of your this apologies. Like, you think I'm dumb? You think I. don't know that you don't mean it. because it just keeps happening.". And she said, "I'm leaving. I'm leaving. Like, I'm done.". He tried the whole apology thing again. He's crying, on his knees, and she's. like, "No, it's not going to work this.

time.". And almost instantly, like the snap of a. finger, he drops the act, stands up, stares her in the eyes, and says, "If. you ever think, even think about. leaving, I will do unthinkable things to. your son, aka his son as well, and your. family.". Oh my god. She was so terrified. I mean, leaving. him would mean that her family was in. danger. And side note, her abuse was. well hidden from everyone. She did not. want to worry her parents or her sister.

She wanted to make it work for the sake. of her child. And whenever she was out. and about and doing all these things, she always had this big, big smile on. her face. Like, they had no idea what. was going on. They had no idea that they. were going to indirectly be in the line. of danger, and it just made her sick to. her stomach. So, under the threat of her child and. her parents' safety, she stayed in the. relationship. And then, a life-altering thing. happened. Lamu's mom passed away. Her mom died 3 years into Lamu's.

marriage. And Lamu was really, really. close to her mom. I mean, this was the. person that just kind of glued the whole. family together. Lamu's sister lived. really far away with her husband, and. their father had gotten sick, and now. his wife is gone, and he needed a. caretaker. So, Lamu stepped up to the. challenge. She didn't even think think. twice, you know? She accepted. wholeheartedly. She She loved her. father. And I know some of you might be. like, "Yes, but every daughter does. this.". This was no easy task. She took up the.

responsibility of taking care of her. dad, of the land, of the foraging for. herbs, and even taking care of her. elderly grandmother. Wow. So, to support these two people and her. own family, Lamu started all the. collecting of the medicinal herbs in the. forest and in the mountains and selling. them in town. She would split her time between her. husband's house, her father's house, and. the mountain. Tong did not like this. Instead of being. proud that his wife was this. compassionate, tenacious person, he was.

very upset that her priorities had. shifted. So, the abuse actually got. worse the harder she was working. Whenever she did visit on a good day, he. would scream and humiliate her. On a bad. day, he would physically abuse her. So, five more years she continued to. live like this, like this type of. torturous environment. And then in 2017, she fell pregnant with. their second son. So, at this point, she already has an. 11-year-old, an abusive husband, her job. picking herbs, and two adults under her. care, and now she has a newborn baby on.

top of that. Wow. It It was a lot on her plate, but um. she's constantly thinking of ways to. support her family. That was her thing. So, she starts a Douyin. And she starts filming her life at this. stage. And in the midst of all this stress and. struggle, she actually found a lot of. peace online. Just It gave her some sort of purpose to. keep smiling every day cuz And I And I. can kind of relate to it in the sense of.

like, some days you just feel sad, but. you're like, "You know what? It's fine. Maybe if I like smile for the. camera, I'll feel better." And then, you. do. Her videos focused on all the little. things in life that she did love. And. her account name was like Black. Princess, and she which in East Asia, very thing, but. she would kind of poke fun at herself. for how um tan she was getting on the. mountain. And her bio read, "It's not. that I don't enjoy the city life, but I.

want to be with my family. I choose to. rely on the mountains to make a living. I hope to share my mountain life with. more people out there.". She posted about her daily life, and she. never mentioned the abuse. She did show some vulnerable moments, though, where I think you can see a lot. of inner sadness come out. When her grandma passed away, apparently. the same month, instead of comforting. his wife, Tong beat her even more for. quote moping around. She posted one single video where she. was crying, and she never mentioned the.

abuse. All she said was, "I'm just sad because today I miss my. mom and my grandma. I just miss them a lot, and I can't. control it.". And he beat her for that? Yeah. I think in hindsight, you could see a. lot of the sadness and just the. betrayal. But being the ever-positive. person, by the end of that year, she. posted again, "Even though 2019 was. difficult, I'm still happy because I'm. surrounded by love. May better things. happen in 2020.".

In 2020, Lamu got more popular on. Douyin. People actually started. recognizing her on the street, and they. would be like, "Hey, you're the mountain. girl. You're the mountain deer." They'd. call her like the mountain honey, the. mountain sweetie. Like, they really. thought of her as like this. this protective Like, they wanted to. protect her. They all called her. sweetie, honey, darling, deer, all these. endearing nicknames. And Tong would get. so jealous. He did not like the. attention that she was getting from the.

viewers, and he especially didn't like. the attention that she was giving to the. viewers. He felt like her success was threatening. his control over her. So, he amps up the. physical abuse around this time. Just to. Just to help his ego. Just to cement his. role as the man of the house. Side note, it's not clear if he abused. Lamu in front of their kids, but I. imagine that they knew. Even if it's not. directly in front of their faces, kids. are really smart. I just don't see a man. like him like will care about what the. kids are thinking. Thinking about him, yeah. So, you know,

we can just assume safely that Tong was. not only abusing his wife, he was. putting their children in very abusive. situations as well. Which that's going. to mess with the child's psyche for the. rest of their lives. In March 2020, Lamu finally filed for divorce. Tong got so angry. He screamed, yelled, punched, kicked, but no matter what he. did, Lamu was determined. She successfully filed the divorce. papers, and as she walked out the. courthouse doors, she filmed a video and.

posted it saying, "The moment I walked. out of the Civil Affairs Bureau, I was. not sad. Instead, I felt I was safe. Kids, Mom will love you even more.". Oh, she posted that? In the video, it almost looks like she's wearing. eyeshadow, but. people who watch Lamu knows she never. wears makeup. So, that eyeshadow under. her right eye probably came from her. soon-to-be ex-husband, Tong. Tong completely changed after that. I'm talking immediately after that,

okay? He knew where Lamu's family home. was. He knew which market she was. selling her herbs at. He knew everything. about her life. It's a small town. And. he cleaned up his act in one single day. and spent weeks trying to woo her back. He took care of their son. The divorce. awarded one son to each person, okay? And he was the perfect father figure. He. told Lamu that the divorce really. sobered him up, and he was ready to be a. changed man. For real this time. Again, I don't want to hear anyone. judging Lamu for this, but she did take. him back. They officially remarried before the end. of March. They had not been divorced for.

a full month. And this time, it seems. like he really meant it. He would help. her around around the house. He didn't. hit her. He didn't scare the kids. He. was the perfect dad. And by the way, just a disclaimer, that's the bare. minimum. Like, doing your chores and doing your. responsibilities and not hitting or. screaming at people, that doesn't make you a perfect person. That makes you a normal person. Lamu really believed that her husband. had. come to his senses. Like, this was such. a drastic moment in the couple's life. Like, he must have woken up in a sense.

The phase lasted. 10 days. That's how long it lasted. And listen, I don't want to make it seem. like people can't change. Um I don't I. think it's very hard for abusive people. to change. I'm sure if they truly truly. want to and they're truly willing to put. in the work, they can change. But that. really doesn't mean you have to be there. for it. You don't have Just because you love. that person doesn't mean you have to. help them through this process. If you.

are in an abusive situation and you. truly think the person you love is. trying to change, they can change on. their own time and they can come back to. you a changed person. After 10 days, he blew up and he beat. Lamu within an inch of her life. He broke her phone and beat her until. she was barely conscious. The next day she filed a lawsuit against. him and then went into hiding. Tong was. out of his mind with anger. His wife. just sued him for abuse and now she was. hiding from him. How dare she?

He turned the town upside down looking. for her and when he couldn't find her, he went to the shop that. Lamu's sister owned, right? With her. husband in a different town and he. ransacked the entire place. Her sis-. Lamu's sister was there. And Tong walked. up to her and screamed and said, "Where. the hell is Lamu?" She refused to tell. him, so he punched her in the face. multiple times and two of her orbital. bones were fractured. So, orbital bones. are the bones around your eyes and she. was very lucky that none of these bones.

No. pierced her eyeball and permanently. affected her vision. Because I can You're kidding me. Yeah. And he's not in jail for this? No. He did this in front of everyone, including his own three-year-old son. It. said witnesses said that the son watched. his own father punch his aunt in the. face and onlookers said that this little. kid was looking at his dad like his dad. was a stranger. Like this kid doesn't. even know his dad type of feeling. He was so afraid of him. So, Lamu's sister called the cops, was.

brought to the hospital. She had to stay. there for 2 weeks. Tong's family never came to visit, never. offered to pay the medical bill, which. is insane because think about it. This. is Tong's ex-wife's sister that he just. punched. They're all family. He just. punched his sister-in-law. Not even a. stranger. And Tong's parents don't even. go and try to apologize on his behalf or. try to make things right. They don't. force Tong to go and try to pay for the. bill and try and make things right. Nothing. So, Lamu files for another divorce and.

this time it would be their last. divorce. The court awarded Not only was. Tong not arrested for assault, the court. awarded custody of both children to. Tong. What? Why? I don't know. Financial means, I'm assuming. He was. able to get a lawyer. He had more. financial means than Lamu. And I have no idea why they would do. that other than that. I mean, there were. multiple witnesses against his abuse. Like, what? So, Lamu's sister, she suggested, "You. know, Lamu, you need to leave the.

village, clear your head and get away. for a while while he calms down. You. should travel, go see the world, like. experience things.". And Lamu refused. She said, "No, no, no, it's almost harvesting season. I got to. go into the mountains soon. And besides, before I go into the mountains, I just. want to spend some time with my dad.". She really wanted to spend more time. with her kids as well, but it seems like. Tong would not allow her to see them. He. used them as leverage to emotionally. destroy her. I mean, she'd been ripped. to shreds. Now, don't get me wrong. She.

was completely emotionally broken. But I. think at this point, like you know when. you're so broken, it's almost like this like Oh my god. Like you want to laugh because you're so. broken and you don't know how to process. it and you almost feel like you're. slightly unhinged. Not in like a weird. way, but like. what is my life? Like that kind of. feeling. I think that Lamu had one of. those feelings. For just 1 second she. wanted to feel normal and so the day. after that second divorce, she posted a.

video of herself dancing in the woods. And it's not because she's so happy that. she can't ever see her kids or that. she's divorcing her husband. Like, think. about it. Why would she be happy in this. moment? She's not happy. Anyone thinks that she's happy is, honestly, I'm so sorry, an idiot. She's not happy. She's just trying to focus on maybe what. she has instead of everything that she. lost. But she's not ecstatic. Tong saw that video and he was pissed.

He was bitter. He's like, "How dare she. be happy? How dare she be so happy after. ruining our family and leaving me? How. dare she be happy without me?". He felt like it was Lamu's fault that. the whole family was broken apart and. now she Here she is, not a thought in. her head, dancing in the mountains. And at 8:00 p.m. on September 14th, a. few months after their final divorce, Tong left the kids at home, got on his. motorbike with an empty container. He. filled it with gasoline,

arrived at the final destination, parked his bike about a block or two. away from Lamu's house. And he walked up to her house with four. things: the gasoline, a lighter, a. knife, and a plan. He blocked the front door before going. in, went through the back door or a. window, we're not sure, and he drenched. Lamu in gasoline. He lit her on fire and. escaped through the woods back to his. bike. She had spent 3 hours in a burning house. with gasoline all over her.

and she was still alive. But she would never wake up from her. coma. A few days after her passing, her family. found themselves standing at the bank of. a river and spreading a portion of her. ashes into the water. So, normally in. this area, funerals are typically held. in one's home, but they. didn't have that anymore. It was burned. down. They only sprinkled maybe half of Lamu's. ashes in the water and they saved a. portion. So, uh her sister said when they were kids,

Lamu talked about taking their father to. Shizang. Shizang. It's known as um the roof of the world. Mhm. And it's got ancient mountains and. these really stunning views. That's. actually where um. not in China, but that area, like the. mountain Alps, that's where Mount. Everest is. Mhm. And in in Nepal, right? Now, the. sister saved some of her ashes and. promised her that when her killer came. to justice, she would finally spread her. ashes so that Lamu could rest in peace.

Tong was finally caught by the police in. September while Lamu was still alive in. the hospital, but he wasn't formally. arrested until October 10th. I'm not. sure why because she passed away the. last day of September, so technically. it's still murder. I don't know why they. waited 10 days. I don't know even I. mean, it's still attempted murder. I. don't know why they didn't just arrest. him immediately. The whole family, they tried to find. some peace in this. They would visit. their old childhood home and you know, I. think. I I don't know. Like it's just I don't.

even know if I can say this coming from. a place of like clearly more privileged. than this family, but it's so. heartbreaking to see the cards that they. were dealt and how they handle it with. such grace, but also like why? Like why. is the world so cruel? Is the feeling. that you get? Even when they went back. to their childhood home, Lamu's sister. was saying, "We had no money. I mean, like we have no money now, but back then. we had no money. We were living in this. house and every day we were so.

exhausted, so tired from working, all of. us. They're the best memories, though. Cuz Lamu was alive, our mom was alive. and we were just all there together. Lamu and I had plans to open up a. clothing shop. and she was going to have a fresh start. after the divorce. She just needed to do. one last herb picking season.". Her sister said she was at work when it. happened. Her friends were sending her. all these WeChat messages telling her to. go watch her sister's live stream and.

they said that they thought that her. sister might be in trouble. So, she didn't doesn't watch the live. stream. Instead, she called her sister's. phone non-stop blowing it up to see if. she's all right. She did not know until. later that her sister was. on fire at that point. By the time that. she got to their family home, I mean, the walls were black, the furniture was. ashes, the house had exploded and Lamu. was in the hospital. And now she was gone and I mean, what. could her sister do? She quit her job. She took over the reconstruction of. their house. She handled her sister's.

funeral. She helped the police with the. investigation. She helped take care of. her father in the midst of suffering. from her own grief. She didn't even know. that her sister was. abused by her husband her ex-husband. until she read the divorce files. Lamu protected the whole family from her. life. Nobody knew? Nobody knew. Wow. And she said, and I repeat, she stayed. in their home for 13 years working like. a cow for this family, working like a.

horse, basically working like a servant. as a daughter-in-law for this family. And when they divorced, she didn't even. take one of their needles or their. threads, nothing. She only took a few. pieces of her own clothing and she left. And even with that, even leaving like. that, they still would not give her a. chance at life. And the father, he blames himself. He. said, "I was a burden to Lamu. and I couldn't help her. And now now.

that she's gone, I'm going to be a. burden to my other daughter.". He said with his low level of education, his sickly body, he would never be. anything but a burden to his kids. He said, "I keep dragging them back. I. keep dragging them down.". He's so sad that they were born to a. father like him. And the whole time he's. saying these things, Lamu's sister's. just wiping the tears from his eyes. And. you can see that she's trying to be so. strong for him, but when she's alone,

cuz there's a small documentary on this, when she's alone with the producers, I mean, she completely breaks down and. she tells them, you know, I try not to. break down in front of my dad because I. know he's never going to be able to. recover. And being strong was always Lamu's. thing. She was the type of girl that whatever. challenge she faced, she faced it with a. big smile on her face. And some days I feel like. I'm going to break down. Like I don't. think I can go on. I don't know how much longer I can last.

Now, what's absolutely unhinged about. this situation is the fact that Tang's. mom, who witnessed so much of the abuse. because the couple lived with her, remember? This is the mother-in-law. She. saw the first time that Tang hit Lamu. and probably the second time and the. third time until she lost count. She saw. all the times. She knew the situation. She knew what it felt like to be a mom. You know, I think that is something that. people without kids probably can't.

relate to. The idea of something. happening to your child, that visceral. feeling that you might have. She. probably has that as a mother herself. But this is how she responds to the. situation of her abusive son killing his. ex-wife, the mother of his children, the. one that lived with her for over a. decade after torturing her for that. long. This mother-in-law says with her whole. chest, Tang did this because he was too loyal. He was so in love with Lamu. He could. not live without her. He would have. never set her on fire. I mean, this.

incident must have happened because of. some sort of altercation between the two. of them. Netizens said, "Taking another person's. life is being too loyal? Then no one. should have this type of quote love.". You have a mother like that, you'll have. a son like this. Yes. The court did not agree with his mother, thankfully. In October of the next year, 2021, they pronounced Tang Lu guilty of. intentional homicide. He was stripped of. his constitutional right to life. and handed the death sentence.

He was also ordered to pay the family. financial compensation for the material. damages they suffered. In other words, he had to pay for the damage of the. house, but not for the damages to Lamu. or to the loss of Lamu. He did try to appeal his sentence, but. his appeal was denied. And after this. appeal was handed down and after. everything was done and said, Lamu's sister rushed home and in the. documentary, she shows parts of their. old house that was burned down.

It's completely ruined and um there is a. room that they kept just as much as it. could have been the way it was before. Lamu died. She set up an altar. She even hung up Lamu's dress and she. cried, "This is my sister's dress and I. can't get myself to burn it cuz you. know, in their culture, they burn the. clothes of their loved ones. So I kept it here.". And she told her sister that she finally. got the closure. And she can be free now. Their house was.

reconstructed June of 2022 and her. sister posted a video the first day in. the house on Lamu's doing. It was the. first time in a long time that she saw. her dad smile and she wrote, "I've been. so busy busy recently that I haven't had. time to sit and talk to my dad. Tonight, I'm going to spend some time talking to. my dad and drink some tea. May all the. parents in the world be in good health.". And 1 month later after that, Tang Lu. was hanged. He was killed. He They allowed his family one last.

visit beforehand and Lamu's sister. posted again. "Hi everyone, I'm Lamu's sister. I. believe everyone saw the news today. We have always believed in the legal. system and justice. As the victim's. family, we have very mixed emotions. after seeing the news today. I don't want to say too much, but we. finally have an answer. I hope that this. answer will let my sister rest in peace. But I just want to express gratitude to. everyone that cared for and helped us. through this painful journey. Thank you, everyone.".

But it's not perfect. As for Lamu's two sons, they were. awarded to Tang Lu's family in the. second divorce and nothing changed even. after he was hanged for murder. So. they're now being taken care of Tang. Lu's mom. And on top of that, in 2021, China passed what I like to call the. don't get divorced law. Basically, anyone who files for divorce in China. will now have to undergo a 30-day. cool-off period before they can move on. with the paperwork. This is 30 days not even processing.

paperwork. This is you have to go to. court and say, "I would like a divorce.". They make you wait 30 days like you're. some petulant who makes impulsive. decisions and then after 30 days, you. have to go back and say, "Hey, I didn't. change my mind." And it just adds an. extra step to the divorce process and. it's just it's designed to reduce the. number of divorces that happen in China. each year. That's basically all it does. And there's. major problems with it. Let's just talk. about a few of them. Well, actually, let's first talk about the success rate. It is wildly successful, so I don't.

think that they're going to get rid of. this law. And it's not wildly successful because. you think it's going to be like it's not. like, "Oh, now people are really. thinking about it." In 30 days, they. thought about it and they're like, "Never mind, government. We actually. love each other and we're going to stay. together for the sake of your divorce. rates numbers." That's not it. So. divorce rates in China were down 70%. from what they were in 2021. But what. politicians don't talk about were other. factors that were playing into it. In. 2021, divorce rates were through the.

roof and not just in China, but kind of. all over the world because this is right. after the pandemic. People have been. cooped up in a house with this person. that they supposedly loved and they're. like, "You know what? You're actually. not that great." Like after being with. you 24/7 for how many months, I think. our problems are even worse and I think. life is too short. There are pandemics. Life is too short to be with someone. that I don't fully love. So people are. running to the courthouse after all. these bans were lifted. They're running. I mean, that's an exaggeration, but that. was not factored in. All the politicians.

are like, "See, the law is working. because people are using the 30 days to. think about their love.". Now, not only that, but divorce rates. are down because marriage rates are. down. Mhm. Less people getting married, less people getting divorced. Young. people in China, Eastern Asia, and. really everywhere around the world, they. just aren't getting married like they. used to. Mostly, it's the crazy cost of. living combined with housing and job. scarcity and. I mean, specifically in China, there is.

the situation where there are a lot more. single men than there are women. So it's. the ability to be a lot more selective. and a lot more ability to be independent. as women. So the government, they're. even trying to implement programs like. paid honeymoon days. Did you know this? Mhm. In China, you can get paid. honeymoon days, but nobody is taking the. bait. Marriage rates have never been this low. since in China since they started. tracking them in the '80s. Yeah, heard. like 37 years. Yeah. It's like the lowest point. Yeah. And this divorce law makes it even.

worse. Oh, yeah. You don't want to get. married now. Yeah. Now you're like, "Oh, it's even. harder to get divorced. Never mind, not. worth it." Mhm. And according to a New York Times. article, um from what I read on the. subject, this new law basically states. that both parties have to agree to. proceed with the paperwork. They both. have to file paperwork at the beginning. and then both come back to court 30 days. later and say, "Yes, we both still want. to divorce.". How many times I mean, I've never seen a mutual divorce.

Otherwise, all these family attorneys. would be out of a job. And not the richest attorneys around, okay? Like if they forget to come back. after the 30 days or if one of them. forces one to not come back, abuses one. to not come back, the divorce paperwork. is canceled. The cool-off period poses a problem for. a lot of reasons and in instances like. today's case, how would Lamu have been. able to get a divorce if she had to. convince Tang to agree to it? How much. abuse would she have had to suffer in. those 30 days that he tried to convince.

her to drop it? Netizens say this is a law that could be. so fatal and detrimental to those who. are stuck in abusive relationships. Officials claim that victims could ask. the court to dissolve their marriages, but without an actual divorce because if. you ask, "Hey, can you dissolve our. marriage?" That's basically saying, "Can. you just act like that never happened?". But in a divorce, money is split up. Housing is split up. So if you can't get a divorce and you.

basically. and you just dissolve the marriage, a. lot of people, primarily women, could be. left on the street without money or. resources. that they are rightfully owed. So think of it as if marriage is a. building and divorce is an emergency. exit, this law locks that door. It also made Chinese netizens more. nervous to get married in the first. place, especially women. Women don't. want to be tied down. They don't want to. secure their future with someone. Most. women in China are becoming more and.

more independent. They like their. freedom and now it's getting worse. May. I mean, so many netizens have wondered. out loud, "Why can't there be a cool-off. period for marriage and not divorce?". We've heard so many stories of people. just going to Vegas and getting married. cuz they're drunk. You never really hear. of an impulsive divorce. It's never like, "You know what? true. You wake up one day, you take a. shot of alcohol and you're like, "You know what? Let me just. go through the biggest headache of my. life and get a divorce." But people will. wake up and be like, "Oh my god, you. want to go to Vegas and get married?".

Yeah. Yeah, that's very true. I think if. there should be a cool-off period. Yes. So I mean, I think in the US, you. can like annul it within like a certain. amount of days, but I mean, why are you. adding this to divorce? We can't think. of a single person that gets divorced on. an impulse and they're like, "Wait, I. regret it. Let's take back the. paperwork. Oopsie.". Yeah. And I think divorce is a necessary thing. and the only people that benefit from. society that shames divorce are abusers, toxic partners, and narcissistic people. who want to force a partner to stay. regardless of their behavior and or.

efforts in a relationship. Like why is. divorce a bad thing? Like we as a. collective are shielding bad people. That's not to say that we should divorce. people willy-nilly, but I don't think. most of us do that to begin with. And divorce was one of those things that. got Laamu out of that relationship. How many women today are living exactly. like Laamu? And how much harder is it going to be. for them to get out? And about 30% of women in 270 million. families have experienced domestic.

violence. So yeah, this divorce law kind of really. sucks. But. that's it for today's case. If it sounded a little familiar to you. or. to anyone that you might know, please. click the link in the the show notes or. call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. at 800-799-7233. Just remember to clear your browser, your call history, and your cookies. And stay safe out there. And I will see you guys on Wednesday for. the main episode.