India's TOP Divorce Lawyer On Indian Marriages, Cheating & Dowry - Vandana Shah | FO 76 Raj Shamani

she wants a divorce because of adultery. he's cheating on on her with a spa lady. who's called Devi you know so she's like. my God yeah how down Market man at least. he could have cheated on somebody better. at from our own social status. you know you'll also hear all of this. what do you mean. you never hear that about a guy.

but you always hear that about women. because I think Society doesn't really. support Independent Women I had someone. coming to me and said ma'am she doesn't. Vibe with me anymore I said you have to. give me a better reason. you know. DeVos lawyers are the most hated people. in the room. that is absolutely true 100 yeah so we. have the most hated person in this room. how do you feel to be the most hated so.

he hated only by one side no the other. side loves me then okay because I get. them the large settlements you know so. hit it by one and loved by the other. maybe let's say you are walking in a. you're walking in a party okay you just. enter and there are like let's say 100. people right and just everybody looks at. you do you feel that there's there's a. little uncomfortableness like in in. their eyes and be like okay. like so I definitely.

right you feel that I I feel like a. definite electricity in the room like. you know how for a minute the air is. sucked out of the room when I walk into. a room and specially if it's a marriage. you know you're like uh why is she here. you know so I I kind of you know deal. with it in a couple of ways in a. marriage I just say you know what I'm. I'm an author so that's what I do for a. living okay I don't want to burst their. bubble there but if you're in another.

room well then you just enjoy your. status because everybody I have a lot of. people coming up to say oh but my. marriage is doing very good I said I did. not ask for evidence here okay. people come to you and they directly. they directly tell me that you know and. especially if I'm introduced I'll say. meet Vandana Shah the divorce lawyer my. friend so you feel like you know and. then they say ah but my mother see Imam. I'm so nice and loving with my wife I. said I'm just here to enjoy the party.

and I don't need evidence if I ever need. it I'll see you in my Chambers. but what's the most uncomfortable. situation you've ever been in. was there any story anything yeah I I. just feel that you know. um a marriage that I had gone to. and uh so you know how you go up to give. all the presents but this is before we. were doing it this is before the. Pharaohs and uh I I think the worst. thing that could happen to me at that.

stage was that before the the faras the. girl wanted to talk to me. and I just said oh my God and she said. you know um uh Auntie I'm having some. thoughts about my marriage I said well. this is not the right time to have these. thoughts because you're just going to. take the SATs for us at this point she. says you know I didn't want to get. married and now I am being stuck in this. marriage I said but that is I I can't do. anything about this she said but do you. think it's right because you always.

fight for women's rights and you know. you're against daudia say is there any. Dowdy exchange she said no Dowry. exchange I'm just saying that this is. what you fight for so don't you think I. should have a free choice so we actually. took time out. and we sat down with her and then I sat. down with the parents and then you know. I mean she loved someone that wasn't. going anywhere and this marriage she was. okay with the guy but she just felt. stifled and she didn't want to get. married and she you know in here I am a. divorce lawyer walking into the marriage.

you know and she knew me from before so. she took this opportunity so I think. that by far qualifies as the most. embarrassing and cringe-worthy and uh. deadly experience of being a divorce. lawyer because to because if she had not. agreed can you imagine like you said the. most hated person in the room and then. you know that thing where everyone says. that Vandana Shahid divorces.

you know so basically that's but then. she agreed to she agreed to get married. I think she just wanted her voice to be. heard what are what do you think are the. top five reasons for divorces because. you know we keep hearing this at least. in my My Generation like I've I've seen. so many of my friends someone who loved. someone else but wants to marry because. family didn't agree for it correct. someone wants to do it because it's a. business Affair more than anything else. right someone is bisexual but that's. that's not your like you know it's.

homosexual it's not accepted in our. country so that's why they're marrying. till now right so it's it's just I keep. hearing this so many times so what do. you feel like what are the top five. reasons so I'll say from a guy's. perspective and a girl's perspective for. divorce okay so for the girls. perspective after let's say 10 to 12. years of marriage okay I'm giving you a. kind of timelines so you've had your two. children you know you followed the path. and you got married to someone nice good.

family okay looking you know good family. guys are usually okay looking they are. not the Brad Pitt or yeah Raphael Nadal. looking guys okay. so the other one's like good good. Pockets with that's right okay. so um you know then you just start. feeling that you've done your duties Etc. and now I'm not getting that importance. what about my emotional needs. so I think when that starts happening.

your marriage you start looking outside. the marriage more for a friend rather. than anything else but in India you know. however Progressive we might be still we. don't look at things like you know okay. a girl and guy can really really really. be friends you know so there are a lot. of questions for that because you've. kind of. um. I think you have become just someone. who's had kids who's check marked all. the boxes now you just have to wait for. the kids to grow up you know so you. start looking for emotional support.

outside the marriage that's one case I'm. handling right now so I'm I'm giving you. examples from my cases okay another one. is of course blatant adultery of the guy. yeah you know so you put up with it for. that long and uh um you know sometimes. you just say no enough is enough and. like there's a very very very large. corporate divorce which is taking place. now and everyone knows that the husband. had been cheating on her forever okay. now and the wife tolerated this for long. yeah and now she's like you know so this.

very large corporate couple both of them. are really rich the lady has also made. it on her own the guy of course is Rich. but now both their children have gotten. married okay and I think she was. literally just waiting for her child her. second child to get married so you know. you still have that however Progressive. we are you know so India is a very. strange country you know so we are very. very. um social so I always say that divorce.

in India is socially legal you know we. still care a lot about the society that. we are in however Progressive however. rebellious whatever we do so a lot of. our decisions because we are still also. very very uh country which is bound by. our social fabric you know so adultery. of the man okay of the man specifically. are saying specifically okay we'll come. to that later okay then third reason. mother-in-law.

totally you know so I just feel that you. know I mean you can't go on expecting. the wife to be fulfilling those roles. and the husband usually steps out and he. says I don't want to be a part of this. but the thing is that is something that. he needs to address yeah because you. know he is her husband and he's her son. so if the I feel the husbands if they.

sat down and they addressed it it would. be much better. fourth reason for the women. relatives and not being heard. you know so you just feel impressed her. yes you know and everything is is uh. like when I hear a lot of the cases even. very young marriages they just say my. voice is not being heard my voice is not. being heard and you know we are now I. mean we are not now in 5th Century BC. where women just have to be not heard.

and you know just produce your kids and. get on with it we are a part of the. modern world so if you don't hear us. then you know we don't like it and. sometimes the trade-off is that okay I. think I'll try and make it on my own and. rather than anything else. and abuse domestic abuse which is still. there oh a lot. a lot. so you're telling me that even in the. large families with oh yes super. educated thousand crores education.

doesn't mean that you are actually. educated in the what I call them is. educated uneducated. you know in the north and all the abuse. is um unbelievable. it's still there it still exists you. know and um. I speak about it in my book as to one of. the reasons why I sort of was pushed out. of my first marriage I speak about it in. my book X-Files which is published by. penguin under the shobade imprint I.

speak about it and you know I was. married to an educated man you know um. his he his both his parents were doctors. he himself was an MBA Super Rich super. wealthy but. What About Us. and then you know you sort of get. married to a woman you bring her into. the house she's got a different. personality when she comes in you you I. call it like a two minute noodle scene. yeah you know you come in and you must. immediately learn what everything is is.

acquired in the family what everyone is. doing and just go with that so that was. a heavily abusive marriage. and eventually they pushed me out of the. house and I I sort of restarted my life. with just 750 rupees essentially in my. bank account why do you feel like women. go through this for long like now that. they know that okay you just told me. about. the wife caught that the husband was. cheating the wife figured that it's an.

emotional abuse it's physical abuse. still they go through it they keep like. they they have this hope that okay. and they just keep nagging it why do you. feel that women don't take an action and. try to be like okay this is it done I. think there are four or five reasons for. it because the reason I have heard from. one of my relatives and they were. telling one of my cousins Kia excuse me. they were telling one of my cousins and.

I felt when I was young so I didn't have. enough I don't know say at that time and. they were like far off course and I just. heard it I was like. yeah. compromise. so I don't know why like women are being. passed on these values be like okay it's. okay okay just let it be because I think.

Society doesn't really support. Independent Women. you know it and up up until now we. didn't even have the finances that's. because India is essentially a. patriarchal society there are no two. ways about that. you know and if you step out of those. boundaries you know you'll also hear all. of this. what do you mean. you never hear that about a guy. but you always hear that about women so.

the labeling is so heavy for women so we. should be good looking we should have. children now we should also work out we. should also earn money we should have a. certain status we should come back home. immediately we should produce these. fabulously cooked dishes and also our. kids should be totally instagramable. ready at all given points of time see. the pressure on women and what does the. man have to do he goes to work but even. I go to work.

um well uh he's lost his hair but I am. the one being pressurized at Botox. carvalo you know what I'm saying so the. expectations from women are so high and. I always say that in India and maybe. also the rest of the world but I'll keep. my discussion restricted to India the. women are always uh last in first out. so you always have whenever there's an. emergency the first money uh that is. that is eliminated is whatever the women.

need. we are always last on the table. and anything needs to be eliminated the. women's expenses and everything go out. first. sacrifices maximum you know always the. women of the family there they're always. told but you should have saved Manina. you used to get money or you were. earning money. you will see that narrative in a lot of.

families. last in first out always always. when I'm talking always I mean 90 plus. yeah yeah you know I'm just talking. about the majority of people the. majority like I I didn't go through that. because I speak a lot about that and you. know uh because my father was very very. Progressive I just call him like the. true feminist and the first feminist in. my life you know so this whole thing. that men will be men it's become very. negative yeah you know that no no like.

he has no control over himself why. should he not have control over himself. you know I mean I I have so many guy. friends you know and I just think that. if you if you are. intelligent you come from a good family. you know you should be splitting the. responsibilities and all these issues. wouldn't arise maybe the pressure on. women is too much. you know and um uh men haven't been told. to ease off the pressure on women maybe.

the men don't know because these are the. narratives they've been hearing yeah for. for very long and also you know your. second reason is that women were never. economically independent. okay so uh still the men called the. shots yeah so. Whoever has the money calls the shots. true you know and thirdly there's this. whole bichari narrative for women you. know if she is not um. I remember when I was getting married.

because I didn't have a brother you know. so they said oh but and and that was no. more you know and they said oh but uh. and all that I was shocked I said why. should I be bichari yeah you know. because that those were never the. narratives at our home you know so this. whole bichari narrative and you have to. stay within that narrative so I think. even women should take that. responsibility I'm stepping I've stepped. out of the bichari narrative I am not a.

bachari and you will agree with me I. don't even look I don't give out bachari. vibes no no. so I think all these are the reasons why. women just stick it out in marriages and. the fourth reason is the children so. when you have children you just think. that however bad the marriage let me. just try and make it work make it work. make it work maybe the children will. benefit more you know from both the.

parents being there but I think that's. not that's always like a sense of. sacrifice. yes okay so I read recently by Benjamin. Franklin like he's a guy who's been. Mentor for Warren Buffett and Charlie. Munger right he said when there's no. love in marriage there'll be love after. marriage. Frida was very fascinating right so then. this just kills the whole essence of. arranged marriages yes what is your take.

on this because people say the number. one cause for adultery and everything is. because in the first go you you're not. compatible you're just compatible with. an idea that she's the right partner. you'd never test that she's the right. partner for you or no or he's the right. partner for me or no it's so what's your. take on arranged marriages no my take on. adultery is not that uh it is when there. is no love in the marriage there is love. outside marriage I think that is just. greed we are always looking for a bigger. better deal in life.

okay yeah you know so okay I'm married. to Miss Universe but actually I think he. if she was a combination of Miss. Universe and Miss World it would have. been great you know okay I'm married to. um. I'm married to Nadal but uh if he had. that little bit extra Charisma that you. know uh with his forehand which Federer.

has oh wouldn't that have been fabulous. so there is this adultery has not only. because you are you can have a really. loving marriage there have been people. and these cases have come to me I mean. the women are shocked that for 10 years. she never found out that he has an. alternative family. you know what I'm saying. and there is a very very very very. interesting case and that was from my. mom's time and she used to tell me about. it where um. this lady got married to uh someone.

because the family pressurized her but. she had a boyfriend in college. and the boyfriend used to come after she. got married under the guys that he's the. husband's friend and they all used to. play together play together cards she. had three daughters and uh after a while. one fine day she just walked off with. her boyfriend so the husband never found. out all throughout. that this one was her boyfriend through. and through and I mean and they're very. very reputed people now you know they're. in in Bollywood they're part of politics.

and so on and so forth I won't tell you. the name you know but uh so it that also. happens. you know it's also I just think adultery. is innate in that sense that you're. always looking for for that Perfection. for that bigger better deal if this was. there then it would have been so nice so. okay so we all are greedy yes that's for. sure yes but then there are cases where. marriages work beautifully well and. people don't beautifully well I don't. know but marriages work okay.

but then wow now the lawyer yeah. no so what I meant like and there are. cases where people don't have affairs. outside they're just marriage and they. both are in love so what's the reason. like do they suppress their greed or. they suppressed I think something in the. marriage which holds both the people. together like what's the ideal love. scenario where people don't cheat people. don't go out and they there's a good. partnership.

has that ever happened have you seen. that. I think that ideal would exist in like. movies term marriages if you're married. for five years yes cool. you're never fighting you're never doing. all of that you're not fighting fighting. is okay but you're never doing any any. of that or she's the ideal pattern uh. partner he's the ideal partner but I. think you know jokes apart I think the. reason why a lot of people don't step. out of their marriage is because there. is something else in the marriage okay.

which which keeps it going so it's so. you you think that maybe it's a societal. restriction or maybe you know you say. okay now when I look out he's not that. bad now I'm talking from the woman's. point of view he's not that bad you know. I've heard worse okay and I know at the. end of the day he loves me you know and. uh children you know maybe I won't come. to economic stability that doesn't play. any part in in this context of this. question you know so you feel okay and.

I've got a comfortable existence so I. don't want to step out and have an. affair and and maybe sometimes I mean. you'll hear a lot of women saying well. you know I don't even have time for an. affair you we we also say that really. often so I think that kind of are. certain parameters that you keep in mind. and sometimes. like um. when my children grow up I would just be. too ashamed to have an affair. yeah I don't want my children to find. out that you know what shame is a good. motivator grow like your mom.

yes I don't want to hear that. you know I mean your your spouse hearing. it is bad enough but okay challenge. but your child hearing it oh it's awful. yeah yeah no I I agree like shame is the. motivator or is a deciding factor for. you to do unethical things or ethical. things you know and is and also this. fear of this whole um sort of Heaven and. Hell and Karma you know so you hear a.

lot of that. also a lot of times you know so it's in. everything it's karma it's karma it's. karma you know so it will only only like. there is some kind of fear which is. holding you to not go out and look for. better in a way in a way it's never like. you're completely obsessed with one. person. Obsession wears off pretty soon you know. Obsession wears off in marriage you know. so so what what what keep people.

together because if you're not meant to. be monogamous. if and there's only fear which is. holding us what do you feel if you have. a very Bland reason okay yeah go go. hardcore just habit now you are used to. it you know so I that's why I said it's. a very Bland reason that you you just. get used to the whole thing I know my. husband is going to do this I know heal. this thing I'll tell him to do this. he'll end up doing that but okay at.

least there is a familiarity it's like. an old t-shirt. you know when you get used to that old. t-shirt even if it's got a little hole. you don't feel like throwing it away you. know you don't always want to. necessarily sorry for comparing marriage. to an old t-shirt a long marriage to a. very old t-shirt but you just get used. to it you don't want to break the. familiarity so what what's the tell us. like the craziest divorce story of like. divorce you've dealt with craziest. divorce story there are lots of crazy. divorce stories there are lots and lots.

and lots of crazy divorce stories. everyone like which was like the. craziest craziest. I think craziest would really. like the demand you have heard this is. crazy this outrage is demand by maybe. the husband or the wife. I can only think of huge numbers okay. you know when when you have a wife who. comes and tells you that I want 5000. crores you know for a minute you're like. oh my God that's probably the sort of.

the annual spending of a state yeah yeah. so for a minute you gulp you know and. you think oh my God okay so I've dealt. with cases with like five thousand girls. five thousand crores ten thousand crores. uh I just finished a 500 crore. settlement you know so. crazy and they they just keep getting. crazier you know so now suddenly I mean. when like I did one marriage which was. which had barely lasted for five years.

and the settlement at that point of time. was uh 30 crores to the girl but 20 25. close to the girl for a five-year. marriage 25 crores no children you're. still in your 20s that's a lot of money. but now the numbers keep getting crazier. they keep getting bigger and bigger you. know so I would say the numbers in. itself are crazy you know and then of. course you have reasons you know for. divorce and you're like okay what's the.

reason like tell me like you know I mean. I I had someone who just said that I I. can't be with my husband anymore because. he just got really bad body odor so I. said you cannot divorce your husband. because of that. you know and she said you know Mom I'm. an air hostess and Mom I'm this and I'm. that I said you just need to invest in a. deodorant don't invest in a divorce. lawyer you know now these are crazy. reasons but like when you're 21 22 and.

you get married you know these can be. like deal breakers yeah I had someone. coming to me and said ma'am she doesn't. Vibe with me anymore I said you have to. give me a better reason. you know she doesn't wipe but she. doesn't real thing you know but he said. I said so then I made him elaborate and. then he said you know like now she. doesn't like the same kind of music take. we are not going clubbing to the same. places you know so now she also wants me. to leave from parties much earlier she. wasn't like that when we got married and.

I'm like dude you're 22. you know so get. real but they went for a divorce at 22. at 20. 21. you know and there was another another. so these are like really young marriages. which shouldn't have actually happened. they should have just been. um a thing on uh on um sort of bumble or. insta and you know and then just call it. quits but I've had people you know.

who've come in for divorces who've met. on Bumble and then they come and give me. the reasons. and they say but Mom he's not like how. he was on Bumble when I met him and. that's a given who's going to put his. his best or a foot forward in real life. and worst foot forward on Bumble. absolutely not you know I mean they're. like what I call insta marriages you. know so these are like the absolutely. young so these I find really crazy and.

the absolutely older marriages now I. also think now you're 65 you're 70 take. it easy dude. just go play some golf you know go chill. in SoHo have your drink in the night why. do you want a marriage a new marriage at. this stage of your life but people are. doing it. and I had um I think the craziest would. be when um. this blind guy came to me for a divorce. and I just firstly I was shocked that.

he's blind you know and then secondly to. deal with that and then he you know he. said no no she really tortures me and. this that and all of that but the the. whole concept that a blind man has come. and you know because we don't deal and. we don't think about it so much. but I mean you know he was he was from a. really good family and he said I just. want a divorce I would like to restart. my life with a new partner and you would.

like and he had two grown children he. was 55 50 plus at that time and I just. couldn't get over the fact that you know. he's blind and he wants a new partner. and he's he's like I deserve a better. life I don't deserve this life it really. made you think that wow you know for the. first time I felt really good that I'm a. divorce lawyer that I can give this guy. options. you know so I mean. I would like divorce to be seen in India.

as giving options. you know I mean I I like my parents had. a great marriage but I have known my. aunts I've known my relatives who've had. like really bad marriages like by by. today's standards those marriages. wouldn't last a week you know yeah I. mean you're like I've seen those. marriages you've seen those marriages. you know you're like looking at her my. God yeah and they and they are still. alive so you see them and the Dynamics. are the same. you know so I just think divorce should.

be seen as an option. in India. to look at that okay you know if you're. stuck in a really bad marriage for me a. really bad marriage is that like a. really abusive marriage and you know. please don't think that only women get. abused sometimes you know now you hear. even men getting abused you know and not. only emotional or financial abuse but. even like physical abuse and there is no. no sort of recourse for them so I just.

wish that they would I'm actually. helping a guy. who's uh he just came to me and he he. kept on he was literally begging for an. appointment it was one of those things I. just couldn't he said you give me an. appointment at 12 o'clock at night I'll. come and he says you know my wife just. hits me and my wife just hits me he kept. on saying that the first time I said. okay just calm down you know but just. tell me what has happened no no ma'am. she just hits me she just hits me she.

just hits me and I'm getting Goosebumps. as I say that you know because no one. would believe him yeah. no one would be and I said have you told. your parents. says no ma'am I said your sister is very. close to a system. I said no ma'am he says you're the first. one I have verbalized it to. so it was like he was like in a. catatonic stage he kept on only. repeating that. you know so I think that was one of the.

craziest in fact the laws laws in India. are fairly. like not really really great for men. when it comes to divorce do you feel so. because I I remember I had I had a guest. on my podcast and he went through a. divorce and he told me something you can. you can tell me whether it's true or no. that. men are considered guilty until proven. innocent. which is completely against the law.

like usually this happens do you feel. like it is that true. like if a woman goes and complains about. something then. men are automatically so usually the law. works like you have to put an accusation. and then you have to fight to prove that. that person is guilty and then once. charged guilty that person will be. sentenced direct right in the meant. there was law it happens like men are. guilty until proven innocent correct. like how so like they one say they're. guilty regardless of whether it's true. or no.

so in I think in the in the court of. social fabric women are guilty. until proven innocent so when you move. it to the other court there is of course. a lot of stigma attached to the man that. he must have only done it okay but it is. the the law may appear to be skewed. towards women but the applicability of. that law it is it is fair.

it is not skewed towards women I'll give. you an example everybody used to talk. about the the Dowry laws and you know. domestic violence yeah you know so uh. everybody used to speak about that but. the thing is that no one ever actually. initially when any law comes into into. effect you know that law is really. stringent so that your precedents are. set okay but when you look at over a. period of time you know you're you're. given time to get out of it nobody is. now jailed immediately like it used to.

happen so a law in itself needs time to. evolve so initially whenever a law comes. any law whenever it comes it is really. stringent. but when it evolves over a period of. time now you tell me we are now sitting. here in 2023 how many times do you hear. okay a guy has been arrested because of. of some Dowry yeah. not anymore in fact I've written an. article in Huffington Post where I say. 498 a the law that has lost lost its.

teeth. because now they are talking about. expanding that law to such a level that. the men have all the right in the world. to give a justification but you keep. hearing that like I think I've spoken to. like two people who I know who went. through what it was and they both were. charged. like they were wrongfully about the. thing that they were forcing their wife. and their in-laws were forcing their. wife like their parents are forcing.

their life wife for Dowry and that's. whether it was happening that's why the. girl is filing for divorce. maybe it could be and maybe she was also. using it at the uh as some kind of a. negotiating this thing you see we also. don't know what are the truths like in. in I saw that like I saw that in front. of me and the guy is like literally. crying it's uh the guy this was the case. which is a great really interesting. so the guy they they both fell in love. they were married for three years and.

the guy found out that the girl was. cheating and the guy said like I want to. call it off and she said like no in. society I can't do that we can make it. slowly slowly like we can start saying. separately we'll call it we can't do it. immediately and the guy was like no we. want to do it immediately and I want to. call the shots. three weeks later he gets to know that. he's been filed like the the divorce and. then the girl has said that he was. forcing up for Dory that's why Dowry and. that's why he's uh like she's filing a.

divorce and I don't know what happened. about the severity of the case was but. but the cops picked up him and his. parents for three Nightingale again lock. up today he was like three nights for me. and for my parents who are like the. worst in the world because I never want. he's like. I'm okay I'm ready to pay the price like. okay maybe I chose the wrong person I'm. okay keep me for 30 days but my parents. but my parents for three days three. minutes I don't want that so that.

happened and then he tried to get into. the deep of it like how he can fight. that can he file uh the you know a. counter a counter for that okay you made. my parents stay there for like nothing. he was not able to do anything and in. fact after six seven months or I don't. know how many how many years or. something like that he had to send her. an apology to just make his life easy. wow maybe he should have contacted. Vandana. but you feel like that's the like that's.

the bad part because the moment you say. that the guy can in immediately like he. can be booked no but you know that the. laws have really changed they've really. evolved and I like I say that you see. there is no Perfection anywhere and you. don't know like whether the guy was true. let us give him the benefit of doubt you. know but the thing is that there is no. perfection in any law so some of them or. there's no Perfection basically in life. and that is why people also go for. divorces you know let's at least. establish that you know but the thing is.

that you see when a law can be misused. by anybody. [Music]. you know and let us not forget that the. laws have evolved because it was a. completely patriarchal society why did. the other Dowry laws come into place. because men were demanding huge amounts. of Dowry you know women needed women's. families needed to pay that now nobody. is asking for Dowry but it's still it. still exists big thing yeah it still. exists you know and I mean especially in.

the smaller cities or even in educated. even the big cities big corporate houses. the corporate houses you know what are. all those marriages. you know so it's uh it it still exists. so you know when men say that oh but the. law has been misused but the thing is. that the law came into place to protect. the women because women had no voice now. like see now women can also claim. property they have I beg your pardon. they can claim property rights in their. father's properties earlier women had no. recourse you know now is it being.

misused maybe one in a billion. you know so like that you know that the. laws are meant to protect so is there a. way to safeguard yourself from all of. this do you think the prenup and stuff. that works out prenup is not legal in. India but really yes thanks for asking. that question okay you know everybody is. under the impression. is not legal in India in fact it's. against the law.

so you can yeah okay because in India as. per the Supreme Court our marriage is. sacrosanct. and it what do you mean sacrosanct is um. sacred it is kind of like religion how. religion is actors Act. you know can't be questioned yes. so uh we are a very pro-marriage country. we are not a pro-divorce country yeah. you know so so bad. no I'm not saying that a g should be Pro.

divorce country I'm just saying it. should be Pro options country yeah. options you know okay you know I will. talk about the process of settlement. before that I have a great question. he. still have families where. weather arranged all of. there's a kind of. like you know un unsaid. settlement. right like you know like like the girl.

the girls parents are expected to just. give like five crores ten gross 20 grows. I don't know whatever the 100 crores. it's kind of a dowry which is like an. upgraded words right and then like. you're expected to do that and it still. happens I saw that in like one large. I don't want to name the community but. like there was like one Community it was. like my college mate and we went he's. from like very rich Hyderabad family.

like very rich Hyderabad family okay and. the fact that he was so okay. he's my age. in your education. like I feel like rather woke people yeah. yeah he's any super modern everything is. there he has his thought-provoking ideas. on certain things and he was just okay. settlement and he just casually said. like obviously.

um. what world are you in it's just Dowry in. another in another group yeah and this. is like 100 crore group who'd have. probably life. they still need more yes with the girl. he fell in love with yeah not like I. said. that's like mummy decide yeah and the.

guy was ready to leave the girl if Mom. said no yes. yeah these are like like given unsaid. like you said uh implicit rules in. Indian Society you know that is why you. have a lot of guys who get married to uh. so they go to America and then they fall. in love with girls there and then they. also decide to get married so they have. upset the entire apple cart of. expectations back home you know I mean. there's a matter that I'm handling it's.

really interesting because they expected. this guy he's he's quite quite Rich you. know around 100 crores okay and uh sorry. I'm saying 100 Pros like her. yeah but when you're talking about ten. thousand crores. you know so it's uh you know and he fell. in love with the girl there. um for G's daughter they both were. studying in the same college and they. got engaged and they got married you. know they had a marriage of sorts over.

there and they came back to India and. the mother was so upset. because she didn't fit the bill. now how do you which are the. communications you're going to have. you're not from the same society as ours. you are some 4GS kid I'm also a fajikida. by the way so very proud for GK my. father was a was a fighter pilot he. fought three Wars for this country Air. Force yeah man that's where you get your. power from totally go Forge you know go. Air Force so uh so you know this whole.

thing. is unsaid and now they are going through. a divorce and the mother is she is. ecstatic because she says he should have. always married somebody in our. background. you know so this whole thing if you had. gotten married to somebody who's a. member of of CCI and Bombay Gymkhana and. then you can have the same Social Circle. the same so-called exchange of gifts you.

know it's not Dowry now it's called. exchange gift yeah you know so or. securing their future that is yeah you. know that sort of a thing so it's a that. is an unacceptable form of Dowry but it. is an accepted form of any conversation. anytime can we do something about it. like as kids let's say so my parents are. pretty chill I'm super happy that they. are like they don't want even opinion. they've never had this conversation in. fact my father would come to me. sometimes just to make sure that I'm on. the same page like he comes to me.

because my friends you know few friends. not everyone but they we've seen these. cases like my friends there they have. been taking money from uh the girls side. and stuff right and there have been. times where I've not went to a wedding. because I fought with my friend because. like dude not accepted I can't be your. friend right so my father would come to. me and be like okay. wow. just like.

really I'm telling you I see this day in. and day out. yours is probably the second person who. I've heard because one was my. father-in-law. nothing. hmm. zero. but like hats off to Uncle yeah so you. know and and then I was like he just to. challenge him like what if the girl's. parents just like pushing.

um. Dad is like. okay. I was like dude like what is this. happening this conversation I just like. instantly my respect for my dad went. over there okay so I was telling like. coming to the point he you see these. things happening okay yes so is there a. ways that let's say if one of my friends. are having this Con like having this.

conversation their family want to do it. and there's always some mama or Uncle. who does this conversation. [Laughter]. that's my mom. they rule. okay so is there a way that maybe the. kids don't want it but they're forced by. the family can they do something about.

it legally legally or maybe I don't get. to convince them get like they can and. they should you know that's why I keep. on saying in India India divorce laws. are social legal laws. you know so you can talk to them and at. least tell them nicely we don't want. that and it is also against the law. mm-hmm. against the law. let's chip in for the for for the. marriages so that the burden is not only. on the girl's family you know and that's.

not okay you all want to you all want to. give this to your daughter put the money. only in your daughter's name why do you. want to give it give it to us. you will have grandchildren can happen. you see have the guts to do that. like like in my my father-in-laws this. thing he said that he'll pay for the. daughter-in-law's marriage. now that is like a really bold step yeah. you know so like your dad your dad wants. to open hundred schools you know what.

I'm saying so you need men like this to. also like like it comes back to now. these men are feminists um that's why I. said men and women are are not on. opposite sides of the team yeah you know. we are on the same team we may have. different thoughts about about different. issues but I just think we are on the. same team you know so maybe have a. conversation maybe also I feel everyone. should know a little bit of the law yeah. so at least you can tell them hey this.

is against the law I don't want to do. this maybe the guy sorry for. interjecting maybe the guy can turn and. say look I don't want to be caught maybe. later in this whole Dowry thing yeah so. that's a good point. um. you know so because even asking is. against the law okay so guide me through. the okay before we get to the part of. like the settlements and how the process. goes the one last question I had like on.

a very it's a tricky one given you get. when you want to marry okay so you love. someone okay and your family doesn't. agree to it correct and they force you. to marry someone else. what you should do at that time should. you because according to family. standards you feel like your family says. all that so and that is one of the. biggest causes of divorces as well that. people don't marry the person they fall.

in love with and then they always have. this void even though their new partner. is really really great they have this. void okay. so at that time what do you what do you. think you should do you should marry the. person you love. and go against the family or you should. I would marry the person I love. I would go against the family. why do you say so because I think you.

need to be happy with your choices and. your decisions so even if it doesn't. work out. you know and it would. um at least you hold yourself. responsible and accountable and also if. I can come into my personal life now the. first time around that I'm married that. was the family said array everything all. the check boxes are there okay like I. say that you know there are these. external checklists there is a good. looking good family this that passive.

educated okay nobody talks about the. internal checklist. how does the person have have EQ does. the person care about you does the. person have similar thoughts I'm not. saying same you know same values you. know is the person encouraging of you. you know and would you be able to be. with this person through thick and thin. money doesn't come you know Lakshmi yeah. what is the guarantee that you'll marry.

for money the person would remain remain. monied. you know so I nobody talks about these. internal checklists for me these. internal checklists are really important. yeah and now the second time around I've. married for love. pudding is in the eating so I can say. that marry for love you know so I think. that in itself is the biggest proof in. law Hampshire evidence.

[Laughter]. what do you feel about the sexual. compatibility when you marry someone. because. right do you feel that is one of the. reasons for divorces as well yes but. they are not sexually compatible yeah. because the woman is not satisfied or. maybe the man is not something yeah so. I've I've had one marriage which has. come to me where the woman keeps on. saying that you know the marriage has. not been consummated. and you know you so you get really. shocked it's a really old marriage why.

hasn't been consummated and she says. she's got a child and uh uh I said how. did the child happen no through IVF okay. you know but she says I said now why now. at the age of 50 plus she says because I. think I've done my bit. so there you go. you know so sexual compatibility so I. just think that you know if you married. your best friend with different thoughts. that would be a great marriage hmm you. know I mean we are more tolerant of.

friends. and we have very different expectations. from them we don't expect our friends to. be our photocopies yeah and we don't. expect our friends to provide everything. for us like how one friend will be the. partying friend okay one friend is. intellectual friend you know one friend. is Kiara run out of cash. you know so so if we had this kind of an. attitude we don't expect them to be.

everything for us so our marriages would. would work okay how to save a marriage. let's say two people are falling apart. and you want to say because they loved. each other at one point right now there. are few differences which go on so what. should they do like communicate over. communicate that's one. they should communicate for sure like a. lot and never definitely you know in my. book X-Files I talk about relatives. relatives are are are. like a death snail for your marriage.

okay interesting I could instantly see. like five people who I need to stay away. from when I decide to marry you know. what I'm saying yeah. because they are now putting so as I say. relatives are relative to your success. the more the success the more the. relatives you know I say that very. openly because I just feel you need to. talk amongst yourselves. don't just if your marriage is not. working probably talk to your partner. first and keep talking to your partner.

don't go around and talk to other people. first no need to talk to masiji or Mama. G or you know. but you know because they will not. forget they don't forget what set you go. to some marriage 20 years ago. you know what I'm saying. you know what I'm saying. you know what I'm saying they'll never.

forget they have these photographic. memories so now if you've made the. mistake of telling masiji that your. marriage. I think she doesn't do some stuff well. let's say. masiji is not forgetting. Mercy is taking that with her to her. grave I'm telling you that I know I know. what you mean because bad mouthing your. partner is it is an absolute no no yeah.

talk talk talk talk talk talk. to the partner. and please talk only to a person who is. not directly having any stakes in the. marriage I was just gonna say this like. take outside help not like an Insider's. help no not at all hey you know that. there's a movie. do you remember um. what's your take on that do you feel. that like because it was one one slap.

one slap and the guy did everything to. get her back we apologetic do everything. what do you feel like was that right was. that wrong like what's your I think it. was too extreme. I just feel you know because they didn't. show enough context yeah yeah the. context of her emotions were yes it was. it was that what she hit every time was. this related to Something in the. marriage which which meant a complete. deal breaker. yeah past trauma or maybe if she hit him.

back so I felt if they had shown you. know there's another movie provoked I. have not seen okay uh it was made on um. sisters of South Hall okay okay so this. Punjabi lady who was constantly abused. constantly constantly constantly abused. by her husband okay and it's a real life. story and then she gets so frustrated in. the end she Burns him alive. okay but that was like 20 30 40 Years of.

abuse actually I played the main lead. and he used to get women to the house he. used to get his Mistresses to the house. make her cook for them humiliate her in. front of them. you know I beat her black and blue and. she was taken from Punjab one of the. small villages and she goes there to. London and then you know she gets one. fine day it just all boils up and boom. she just burns him.

and that case was taken up and sisters. of Southall got involved in all of that. now you see if that is now extreme abuse. and she got away I don't think she got a. death penalty for that. now you know that kind of abuse is. different so that context was given hmm. here there is not enough it seemed too. much on the surface. you know so I I don't really like movies. with just a kind of really I mean they.

lost the plot yeah it was quite flippant. you know because I keep questioning. myself every time because one part of me. says that was right the other part of me. says that it was wrong and these guys. can work on the anger issues. enthusiastic work on multiple things. together because if the partner is ready. to work on himself and trying to but the. other part of me like yeah that's right. but you know they didn't give nothing. the right answer is that there's not. enough questions yeah you know they. didn't flesh it out because I felt like. for the longest time it was right like I.

mean I thought yeah like it's it's it's. normal one thuppered it's about how can. he how can he but what is the context. they they didn't flesh that out so. actually it became quite a joke yeah. yeah you know that was the sad part so I. feel really sad about movies which is. Street domestic abuse as like some. flippant thing you know yeah so yeah it. became a joke after that. you know so if we looked at provoked or. there's another movie in which Jennifer. Lopez is constantly abused by her.

partner you see so you have to. experience that and live in that you. know so there are no right or wrong it's. it cannot it is such a gradient. and that's why I said that abuse for me. is an absolute no. yeah that's when you just need to say no. whether it is my child whether it is for. the sake of society whether it's no it. but it's it's such a right wrong it's. it's such a gray area that it's I think.

it depends on person to person because. so coming to movies and then the other. movie was Kabir Singh where for some. people it was right and some people were. like it's okay because that's how you. love and if in fact the director also. said there's something like yeah no no. no no and some people feel it's like. what the hell yeah because I just felt. that you know this goes back to the. manuscript times where Manu said that. women are chattel they oh they have no. identity okay yeah women are chattel. they have no identity you so you go from.

being born to a to a man which is the. father and then you go into another. man's house which is the husband if the. husband dies. then you are a property of the sun. um so you see I just felt that you know. that is a very uh that's an extreme so. but that is what earlier all our laws. Etc were based on. you know so that's why there's a lot of. criticism of the way widows are treated. there's a lot of criticism about you. know how earlier in earlier times.

yesterday widows can't wear this scent. and in fact when my dad died and my mum. wanted to wear white I just put my foot. down I said you can't be so nonsensical. in life. and you are trying to be this because. your relatives feel that you should be. wearing these light colors are. absolutely not I said up don't say. because I was really young I was 16 17. at that time. and and I did that.

you know so then she said I mean she. liked anyway special colors and I said. you have to wear lipstick. because you used to wear lipstick when. Papa was alive. foreign. it's not like she didn't love my father. but I didn't want her to think that now. I'm a widow and I am different and I'm. set aside because you see the whole. thing is ostracism.

you ostracize and you socially divide. women and get them out of the system. you know there's this uh um beautiful. documentary Again by the BBC in this. invisible women of India where they talk. about the widows in vrindavan you know. and how they the sons just leave them. there and go. and they keep waiting for the sons to. come because in in Hinduism you can only. get uh this thing attain Heaven if the. sun lights your funeral buyer. so they keep waiting and the sons have.

actually my God I'm getting Goosebumps. but you know the sons they keep waiting. and this and they think the moms keep. waiting for this yeah and they think. that those women over there are keeping. their sons away from them. but it's actually the the woman who runs. that says that the sons don't want them. here. and they keep waiting. and when we'll die he will this thing. so you know this kind of a thing so then.

when we take that into context we have. so much. to go forward okay tell me let's let's. talk about options now yes because let's. say someone somewhere and it's it's. gender agnostic I'm just saying whether. a men or women men or women whoever is. stuck in a dysfunctional marriage and. they want to get out what are the. options because society would judge them. the hell out of it they talk to their.

if the dog and the first option people. go talk to Mom Dad everyone like and. usually mom does like bitters. right like usually this is the thing so. what should they do what are the options. for them available. I think contact a divorce lawyer prior. to that contact a counselor prior to. that speak to your partner so if I was. to go stepwise I would say speak to your. partner speak speak speak speak okay. then let's say a sibling who you trust.

you know and ask them if they can. intervene that also doesn't work go to a. counselor that doesn't work then you. need to reclaim your life go to a. divorce lawyer and then let's say. I'm a woman I go to a divorce lawyer now. what are the options of settlements in. front of me so I am someone who's. dependent on this guy because he's the. provider in the family I've been married. into a rich good.

uh you know family where now I want to. be independent I want to get out but I. have a kid as well so there's so many. responsibility for me to just take care. of enough so we will take a case like. that okay so let us take two different. cases because men and women right so. let's say a woman comes to a lawyer. she's in a I won't take an extreme. example of an abusive marriage for. reasons best known to her she wants a. divorce okay now she's got a child okay. there's something that I call is a.

divorce kit divorce kit yes okay okay so. you are divorce ready okay okay. now what you should do before your. obviously you know you've been thinking. for a while to get out of divorce okay. and uh you know so once you've made up. your mind that you want to get out of. this marriage first you keep some. finances handy. okay because it's gonna be financially. tedious yes okay secondly have your. support group ready.

no I just feel that if you are a little. more organized okay and uh you can keep. some finances ready in India all women. have some amount of gold some some joint. account so how expensive is divorce like. it just what do you mean by some. finances. if I want to get my divorce done.

no it depends on which lawyer you'll go. to let's say you go to a high profile. lawyer okay then it just depends on what. is the what is the fee that they will. charge so I'll come I'll address all. those issues later but even your some. Finance is ready I mean I've had women. from really good families coming to me. and they're saying but I don't have any. money in my account yeah you see now. that's not a smart move. okay at any given stage of time you need. to be economically and financially. independent for some reason if you don't.

have a bank account at least keep some. money aside emergency fund. but what I in this case call if you have. time please have a divorce fund ready. wow these things sound so absurd but. this is so important these are so. important you never know what's coming. tomorrow and you never know I you know I. describe divorce as this as that. unwanted house guest who's here to stay. so you need to deal with this house.

guest. regardless of anything so you make a. piece and then you know you move around. and you know you'll put the house guest. in in the most unwanted room but the. house guest is here house guest is not. moving yeah so divorce in India is here. to stay let's accept our realities you. know it was fun ready get your support. group ready you need to have at least. four or five people who you can count on. for everything. unstinted support I don't want. non-judgmental that only few people were.

non-judgmental the others are judgmental. non-judgmental support you know like I. used to run a non-judgmental support. group called 360 Degrees back to life. okay so we counseled over 10 000 people. in a span of 10 to 12 years both direct. and indirect counseling that's a huge. number yeah that's like three a day yeah. that's that's crazy yeah you know so the. thing is that you need to have people. who are on your team.

I don't want any judgments that you. didn't do this and actually he was not a. bad bad guy and all of that nothing okay. third thing. you start needing to tell your child. the child can see. why do we treat children in India as you. know like they don't know anything the. children are the smartest. because they don't need to hear they can. sense it they can feel it. you know they are smarter than us but we. don't treat them as such okay the fourth.

thing that I think you need to do is you. need to start doing your own research. also to find out where you stand who's a. good lawyer you know. although I'm a lawyer I shouldn't be. saying this but I speak the truth I just. feel everybody should know about the. process at least know a bit about it. don't just go blind. okay I'll tell you the process okay you. were asking me what all needs to be. ready first okay so do your own research.

and then. get the best divorce lawyer that money. can buy. please don't think that you know should. I I've sold gold to get a good divorce. lawyer. okay it was another issue I didn't take. anything from that marriage but our our. issues were different but the thing is. you need to get if you need to think. that if I was sick. I would sell everything to be in the. best hospital yeah okay now your old.

life as you know it has become an. untenable life it is a diseased life as. you perceive it it is diseased in your. eyes that's why you want to get rid of. it. you know so you need to get the best. divorce lawyer that money can buy okay. once you do all of this okay let us. assume you're even staying in the same. house okay then when you file for. divorce you know you need to be also. mentally prepared that's why I said the. support group. people don't talk about mental and.

emotional support in India but I just. feel that you need to be mentally and. emotionally prepared for this divorce. because like I said in India divorce is. a social legal process. social legal because like you have. so I say divorce is also divorce. everyone is coming into the divorce you. know your Auntie has a view your. neighbor has a view yeah you know even. everyone just gets involved everybody is.

involved your house help is involved you. know I've had instances where househelps. are called in as Witnesses so you can. imagine because we are a country like. that we like everything you know. everything is social we are just out. there you know. so I think these are the things that you. you know once you are emotionally ready. also for this divorce okay then you. consult a divorce lawyer okay you come. into a to a divorce lawyer okay whenever.

let's say this let's call her um what do. we call a prayer now okay prerna comes. to me for this for this divorce prayed. nice from an upper middle class family. okay she tells me what is the issue. first I'll ask her if she does I I do. this on my own if she does want to patch. up or she doesn't want to patch up any. chance of reconciliation if she is 100. sure there is no chance for. reconciliation says I just want out of. this marriage then I will lay down the. options for her so the Hindu Marriage. Act I'm assuming is a Hindu married to a.

Hindu I'm taking the most the majority. yeah okay so what happens the Hindu. Marriage Act it provides various means. of interim maintenance what we call a. basic maintenance when your case is. going on okay so there are various. sections for that in Hindu Marriage Act. that is section 24 which provides for. that so I will tell you about section 24. I always do that because I feel. financially is where women get hit first. okay so you get get into section 24.

interim maintenance Hindu Marriage Act. that is that is one aspect of it second. thing. it essentially provides for your for. your interim maintenance okay it's. called interim maintenance interim. maintenance interim maintenance means. some amount granted by court for your. livelihood or your maintenance or your. or your lifestyle to maintain a certain. standard of living does the code give. that.

it depends that's why I said get the. best divorce lawyer that money can buy. and then like let's say you have the. best divorce lawyer you can get that. money then yes you can get that based on. your financial status yes or it's like. in a standards. it depends on so there are no set rules. for it that is why your divorce lawyer. argues based on your husband's income so. if I'm like like coming from like a. thousand crore family for and my divorce. takes a year uh.

contested divorce can take anywhere. between five to Tenth there is no limit. of the time. for that time I'll get a certain amount. if I was spending for example if I was. spending let's say 20 lakhs a month okay. just giving an example if I was spending. 20 lakhs a month Court will give 20.

lakhs a month. depends on what you argue depends on. what what you know nowadays like all in. favor let's say so. what is capable of doing that okay okay. and nowadays you also have to submit. Affidavit of income in court okay there. is a supreme court judgment that has. been passed and what if the husband says. no I'm not I'm not going to give you my. I said everything no that is that is. mandatory by law okay so you can't say. no he can't refuse he would like to but. he can't refuse but he can't that's why. you need like a good lawyer who could do. all of these things yes and also it is.

mandated Now by Court you know and I. think when the when the husbands may. choose not to give it which hardly ever. happens now you know then the court is. free to take its own uh its own judgment. and I think what usually happens in. these cases why I always say in law. because law is so subjective yeah so I. don't want to give a definitive answer. and say that yes you know the court will. draw adverse inference you know so but. usually the court draws adverse. inference and says that okay he's not.

giving his income so the wife has said. he is spending five crores a month then. we have to go with that because you've. not provided any evidence to the. contrary and then was it settlement. later they charged the the like the. court charges this amount from the. settlement money no why would the court. charge this amount okay. that's not you don't have to pay back to. the court ever again who doesn't have to. pay back you let's say like I am a woman. who's getting for five years I'm getting.

that amount so please. amount you don't have to it's coming. from prerna's husband jignesh. okay okay. so prerna's husband is giving that yes. on the order of course. so code's not giving themselves. now in India the courts don't give us. nowhere in the world any government. entity gives any money easily you know.

so so then you get interim interim okay. so it is like in in common man's terms. it is what you spend per month okay so. it can it can include various things. like your school's education your your. child's education for the school it. includes medical it includes contingency. funds it can also depending on what. family you come from it can also include. things like holidays it can increase. correct.

you know so that's why the lifestyle is. very important like like in one of the. cases. it was shown that that lady now this is. a super rich case that you know she was. used to traveling to London by her. husband's private jet for shopping Court. granted that. the private jet access yes it's the law. divorce happens you can correct have an. access to a private jet because it's you. only shop from London yes you shop from.

London is your lifestyle. that you're used to you know so so it's. it's in that context you know it works. out like that okay so that is your. interim maintenance okay but interim. maintenance although the law says that. within a certain period of time usually. six months it should be passed it. doesn't happen that way. because our courts are also clogged. okay so that's why I keep on saying keep. a divorce fund handy so that you are not. strangled. once your interim maintenance starts.

that is in the lower court that is the. family court now we are talking in. context of bomb base so family court. bandra but he may challenge it or appeal. it in I'm using colloquial terms these. are not really legal terms okay he may. do that in in the high court okay so. then again your money is stuck. if he is not satisfied he may go to. Supreme Court again your maintenance is. stuck into the maintenance system that's. why I say keep your money aside and. that's why I said no the laws may appear.

to be skewed towards women they are not. because the implementation takes so much. of time you know so that is one thing. then you go through the various. processes you go through Counseling in. court which is Court mandated counseling. if things are not the counselor also. tries to bring about a settlement all. good lawyers try to bring about a. settlement you know. the councilors try to bring about a. settlement you also have have cases. where you know you might say no this is. not going to happen maybe after entry. maintenance you may give it a second.

thought and say I have already spent two. two and a half years in court trying to. get this into the maintenance you know. so I would now like to settle and see. what is the settlement offer on the. table so there is always this thing of. let us try and settle and get out of. court okay that is always the underlying. so there's so you can settle this in six. months just by mutually yes that is a. mutual consent divorce I'm coming to a. contested divorce okay Mutual consent is. the easiest divorce I'll talk about that. in two minutes okay so once you are in. the in the court you've you've got this.

going then it just depends on various. stages like if you've got a child and. and now jignesh wants access to the kid. the kid okay now jignesh will have to uh. will either ask prerna or. so there is access. okay that is also provided in law okay. so now dignity's lawyer will fight so. there are there are various issues like. there is interim maintenance there is. access then you start looking at uh.

Trader can continue to stay at home so. she can't really be thrown out of the. house okay so she can she can continue. to to live there even while your divorce. is going on. you know so. those sort of things are all provided. for in law you know that's why I also. tell the women that look if you don't. have any other house just stay over. there that's why I said emotional. support is very important because it's. hard yeah because divorce really wears. you down. you know so I I keep telling everybody.

that try and settle it out of court. because in my mind you know your one day. outside where can take as much as six. months in court. because what happens if let's say your. lawyer is absent that day lawyers are. also human beings people don't think of. us as human you know they've also is our. devil that's what people think you know. and uh You Know Your Law is is absent. can't come so you know all these delays. because anyways our litigation system it.

is not something new that I'm saying. that the courts are jam-packed you know. it may take I don't know how many years. to resolve all the court cases I think. at last count about three three and a. half crore cases were pending uh across. India not only divorce cases other cases. you know so these are the numbers which. have been put out so it can take a very. long time you know so try and settle it. out of court then of course you know if. you still don't want to settle you still. want to fight it out then you all give. yours start giving your evidence there's. cross-questioning and so on and so forth.

so your actual judgment. it can take as long as eight to ten. years. so that's a really long time and I tell. people that you know that it is not. there is there is no recourse. you can't say that I want to finish this. fast really it's not going to happen. and your entire life gets jammed because. it's not just a property matter no yeah. that okay my flat is under litigation. and uh it's fine now your entire life is.

jammed you can't get get married to. someone else you can't really date. anyone you can't date no how can you. you're married to this person. and if you did then that can be used. against you yes that you had this before. yes so for. so telling me like if you file a divorce. for five or seven years ten years you. can't marry that I know but you can't. date another person you can't be seen. with others not really. it's it's going to be used against you. in court.

um. technically if after 10 years I'm giving. an example if you decide to patch up. then. you decide to reconcile because like I. said in India we are pro marriage we are. not pro divorce after 10 years you can. decide to reconcile or after 10 years. you may decide I don't want a divorce I. just want to remain separated. then what happens. you know so yeah you're like all shocked. yeah and I'm just thinking that it's so.

difficult to it's so easy to get like. marry someone it's so easy to get. married but it's so difficult to get. divorced yes. because pro-marriage Pro divorce not pro. divorce yeah yeah so you know so all. these things just keep this thing so I. want to emphasize that the court. provides for everything. because something like what is the. alternative option is there any or no. just the good lawyer is the last option. you have I think so yes because. because if I'm taking a shot that hey I.

want to get out of this relationship man. or a woman. I can't stay even for a second that's. why I'm taking this uh socially. embarrassing legal route which is gonna. be you know like I'm gonna be seen in a. different way in my country that's. correct because it's so mentally. torturing physically financially. daunting as well if I'm taking that step. I have to be prepared for next 10 years. that's why I say go for amicable go for.

amicable so there's also Divorce by. Mutual consent which can also I mean. initially if the Supreme Court had also. said in in a couple of days you can get. a divorce if both parties are agreeable. yes you know now of course I mean there. is also mandatory cooling off period and. so on and so forth so for practical. purposes let us look at look at six. months you know so you can you can be. free in six months. I'll go mutually concerned oh from a. man's side let's say a woman is charging.

XYZ and being obnoxious about her. demands and be like unnecessary can a. man hire like the really good lawyer and. decide not to give her anything and just. stretch the case forever yes. so the woman can also do the same no. like that's what I'm saying yeah okay so. how is how is divorce like Bollywood. divorce is different. I just think the demands are crazy they. want the crazy in Bollywood yeah okay.

tell me you don't tell me like like you. know I mean. not only in terms of money you know. though that is immaterial okay I think. the reasons for their breakup are also. quite quite different okay what are. those creative differences. but you know just creative differences. different ideology ideologies.

you know maybe affiliation to different. political parties. that also happens these are the reasons. you know so it's uh then also. uh I don't think they are so much. on what would be normal because everyone. has a voice okay but I mean otherwise. women feel quite stifled but here. everyone has a voice so the reasons are.

also really different even there may be. reasons which are kind of differences in. upbringing the child. so that's what I said you know creative. differences and ideologies are very very. important. so I just sometimes for the common man. that may be like. you're you're supporting um let's say. mixed vegetables X Y is. because they are all at an equal level.

you know so it's like that it's not only. about the money money becomes secondary. but all this and I think they have a lot. of behind the media fights. and in front of the media then you know. everybody wants to go for an amicable. thing which I'm happy to do. you know and I just feel that for them. privacy is very important okay so they. don't want anything to go out no I can't. think of any Bollywood divorce as it's. not like.

Bollywood Malaika and arbas was like. recent I think I don't know they got. divorced to know yet but I think they. got separated but they started dating. other people at the same time so is that. no I think that you know I mean I think. they were free to do what they wanted. but they started dating. immediately after they announced the. separation. to to as a louder like is that I mean.

see this both are ready then it's okay. both are in a way you know like I keep. on saying in India the laws are so. socially legal also you know so when. they are socially legal it becomes very. very different no hmm. and also let us say that for Creative. people the rules don't really apply no. in their mind the rules don't apply. you know so it's it's like that like why. should I stop living myself why should I. stop living myself and then if there's.

no what would happen if you date other. people Nothing Your settlement may get. impacted you're like okay yeah I make. enough money I make enough money and and. the court is not sitting you see what. people think court is sitting in. judgment no the question of sitting in. judgment court is actually saying live. your life. but these are the these are the rules. and if your wife has an objection that. you are dating someone else and it's out. there then we have to take take action. through an order. can you like stop someone to date some. from someone no you can just ask for.

more money you can ask for more money. but you can't stop them to do something. not really. because now adultery is no longer a. crime okay that law was abolished. earlier you can have offense earlier. what was it go ahead adultery was a. crime so you can have a friend you could. go to jail for it or if you had an. affair outside your marriage you could. go to jail yeah I'm just saying it. colloquially okay because it was it was. quite complicated in that sense of. course there is there are complications. yeah okay no no even legally it was a.

different law but but bottom line you. committed adultery you could go to jail. now if you commit adultery you are only. in Social jail no actual jail you know. you said something Shifting the topic. you said something that superficial. things make marriage work yeah now that. we're talking about things I really want. to spot that on so you know I just feel. in India no we lose the plot in. marriages especially long marriages. you know looks okay or even like now we.

have Valentine's Day you know uh why. can't we still do that in marriages why. is it why is Valentine's Day only. restricted to unmarried couples why not. why not for married couples I know it's. superficial but you can feel superficial. for a day. why do you have to eat on the dining. table from that same same plates and. same spoon why don't you have a romantic. date with your husband. why can't you set up the table and and.

you know sort of have the candles and. and everything put on the table Why. can't your husband look good what's the. big deal if he goes and gets a mani pedi. done. no big deal. you know why can't he have a salon day. all these are superficial things but. they just make you feel good. you know they just add to everything why. can't you get a gift for your wife I'm. not saying an expensive gift everything. doesn't have to be solitaire but even. flowers. all these things are in marriage we just. think those are practical expenses.

those are superficial things all the. things that you were doing when you were. unmarried hmm. every time you don't have to you know. I'm wearing heels now yeah you know. every time you don't have to wear flats. on you know when you're going out with. your husband you can wear heels you can. look good you can feel good dress up. have fun dress up have fun you know for. once if he's having six drinks it's fine. you know you don't have to be his his. mother every time.

you know what I'm saying so all these. little little superficial things you can. you can buy a card for your wife. so why not that does everything have to. have a very very deep meaning and you'll. be amazed how these little little. superficial things make you feel happy. they can save marriages yeah you know. have a date night I mean explore each. other again I won't go into because it's. a family show you know so ignore each. other again yeah you know then perhaps. you won't have to spend that much time.

with a divorce lawyer. so I think these are the things one. should start you know for superficial. things I want to add up something which. I've noticed in when men and women okay. men get excited about the big things. women get excited about the little. things oh absolutely okay so you must be. thinking in your head that because big. one big thing one big day for you super. important that's why once in a year you. surprise her and you expect her to be. like really happy with you that's not.

happening and then you forget her. birthday exactly and then you're. confused about the marriage anniversary. certificate you know at least don't ask. me. you know what I'm saying yeah yeah like. so like so men need to be more into like. they need to start doing little things. more yes for them to feel better yes and. women need to like when women do little. things and men don't appreciate it much. yeah because men like big things yeah. appreciation because for you giving him.

a flower means a lot it does like a. small letter means a lot. you know he's not gonna appreciate them. so it's just like men and women both. need to understand this I I just want to. say what my future plans are for divorce. Us in India you know I just want to say. I want to work towards eliminating the. stigma of divorce I want to write more. you know I've got a new book coming out. nice on divorce what's your name. contribute I can't believe it but it is.

it is um it is based it is like kind of. like a satire fun on super rich divorces. in India sweet okay and also that's like. an interesting story from that from your. book from my book I want one story so. that everyone's looking forward to that. book who's watching this okay so. basically. um. uh. okay I'll talk about one character who's. the who's the richest character okay in. the book and she's expecting uh she just.

goes to the divorce lawyer and says that. you know uh Jeff Bezos wife got 38. billion dollars for her divorce why am I. still married to this guy. I'm not really unhappy with him. but I can be happier. get me half his money. and they find out that he's worth 99. billion dollars. so the divorce lawyer promises her okay. I'll try and get you 50 of the money so.

how much is 50 of 99 billion dollars. 49 and a half billion dollars. so she works from there. and her name is Chanel rambag. okay so with a name like Chanel rumbag. you're obviously never ever going to be. poor. and how she works with a divorce lawyer. and then when they get. um a certain amount of interim. maintenance from court I mean the. interim maintenance you know decided by. Court based on on everything that is.

submitted in court is 20 crores a month. you know and these things are happening. you know they're they're good. Chanel rambach I don't know about them. uh yeah it's it's just based on uh. characters out of my mind okay okay you. can't spell the name yeah yeah and. um so how the divorce lawyer works works. for that and how uh they go on um uh. like a divorce vacation.

to Egypt and then how one of the guys. gets killed who's going through divorce. so there's a chapter which is called is. murder cheaper than divorce which is. what you asked me how much does a. divorce lawyer cost you know is so one. of these books that is coming out so. this is super rich what are their lies. what are their expectations and why do. they want a divorce Chanel wants a. divorce also you know like you said in. in our conversation that uh she wants a.

divorce because of adultery but not. because of adultery but actually because. her husband's adultery is being caught. out. and his cheating honor uh on her with a. spa lady who's called Devi you know so. she's like my God yeah how down Market. man at least he could have cheated on. somebody better uh from our own social. status he's cheating on me with Devi. give me a break I don't have face to. show in society.

and you know these things are real. like she's okay with cheating but she's. not okay with cheating with someone. called Devi. you know so. so it's based around that so this is one. of like the most interesting stories and. the other one is of course the the. murder and and all of that super. interesting um you know super super. interesting I'm looking forward to that. yeah I know and okay is there a way to. like like let's say just just last I. don't know I'm doing so many last. questions.

let's say a guy is being charged for. divorce and once uh I don't know. whatever you call it the. terminal not chat with like just say the. girl has filed the divorce. I need 50 hmm baseless. okay just let's just assume that the. girl is. only wanting a divorce because of the. money okay so now she wants to get away. she wants to file a divorce and once.

once she gets the money she wants to. date someone else and be with someone. else she's just not happy okay. do do you think that guys have an option. to block that and not give her money. drag the case. that's the best option that is the best. option keep dragging keep dragging. and hide your wealth. but. that guy also can't date anyone for that. he can't date anyone but he can do it. out of the country. arches out of the country law is not.

applicable it's applicable but you don't. get caught oh. okay I love how. how easy the answers are but they're. super complicated when actually executed. okay but then just drag on the cases is. the best possible option it's not that. chemicals. like maybe I sign a prenup if not prenup. is not valid in India. not really.

if I marry arrange your love. I am taking the chance that maybe. tomorrow if nothing works out she can. ask me for whatever she wants to. his family everything will not be on the. individual name. it will also be in the company's name so. come near family name no company's name. you can't really claim. maybe if I'm the director and 90. stakeholder in the company no it depends.

on what your salary and remuneration is. you may like I had a really really large. case that had come to me but the guy had. nothing on his name. everything on the company's name become. very difficult to claim and that's a. good. uh and a good point that we covered I. don't know if that's going to be an. advantage or a disadvantage for people. but yeah so very very difficult it. becomes. and also you know like I said that the. laws may appear skewed towards women but. the time is so long.

implementation becomes very difficult. so that's why I keep on saying that you. know if you're thinking about a divorce. in this country you really need to be. prepped and like I said get a divorce. get ready. so that you are ready. you know and don't and go with the aim. that you want to settle yeah if your. lawyer also tells you don't settle go. with the same I want to settle even if I. get lesser I'll gain more in terms of. time in my life.

because let's not forget that divorce is. just should be a subsect of your life. divorce cannot be your life. you know and I think that is the biggest. learning that I have had from my divorce. that you know I mean don't it's it's a. subset it was it was different that I. continued living my life parallely yeah. I ran a support group for people you. know I wrote I did the BBC I did. everything but a lot of people just get. stuck in court. and court is not to teach lessons to.

people. have faith in a high of in a higher. Force I speak about spirituality in the. book and I just say that your aim should. be to raise yourself higher rather than. bring down another voice true you know. so all this I write on my book X-Files. you know and I just feel that that is. the way forward you have to have. spirituality we're gonna put your link. of the books in in the I carried a copy. of the book a perfect give us we're.

gonna put it in the intro we will put. down in the we'll put on the links of. that where can people find you. vandana.com. Google Pages devoted to my work perfect. so you can just they can just Google you. they can go to your website they'll find. the contact form everything there. everything there's a mobile number there. so they can get in touch perfect thank. you so much for being here thank you I. just hope that people like our special. Valentine get a new Valentine Valentine.

I think that should be the name of this. podcast perfect thank you so much thank. you and I hope you invite me to your. wedding of course thank you very much I. don't have problems thank you very much. [Music].