Joe Rogan Experience #94 - Joey Diaz (Part 2)

again out of Orange County the [ __ ]. Road War II and when they killed. everybody they'll be [ __ ] crazy you. don't want to be here you want to be in. the mountains Montana yeah. now you taught him in Colorado and he. was too many [ __ ] mumbles okay. [ __ ] money came into faith [ __ ]. money and bought the hillbillies out the. real [ __ ] that you need lived. in case you've gotta go like Woody Creek. to find those people right you gotta go. Woody Creek is that's still [ __ ]. amateurs to really bunch of [ __ ]. booze is up there you really you got to. go deep deep in the mountains of.

Gunnison and [ __ ] like that you find. those Chris Anderson Gunnison Brian you. got your volume on we're echoing godless. Gunderson Gutterson where's that. that's down south what do you think. about all that [ __ ] about the Denver. Airport do you know anything about the. conspiracy behind the Denver Airport is. it the Denver Airport first of all they. moved way more dirt than needed to and. so this is all this thought that there's. some sort of subterranean tunnels tunnel. system it's all based on the end of the. world. oh the shelters they [ __ ] up Stapleton. Airport was a brilliant that what it was.

like Burbank you could smuggle a [ __ ]. dead [ __ ] kilo kokkonen nobody said. money and all of a sudden they came up. with a bright idea. let's [ __ ] make an airport 90 miles. farther out by Kansas so when it snows. we really get [ __ ] buried we have no. protection that's a bunch of cowboys bro. making decisions and then trust me. they're too stupid to even know what. conspiracy theory is the hell the. waybill the people that built it maybe. but if the government was really truly. behind it like all these people think. what it is is that they made an airport.

there but in constructing the airport. they also built some sort of underground. safeguard threat strongest there so. there's got to be some kinky yeah well. you know if it's close I mean that would. be a move right Nora Hills an airport. and then build some shelters I mean that. airport is like [ __ ] Kansas when you. go to Kansas. doing dikkop that's what they call it. the it place it was easy man when I. lived in Denver or in Boulder it was. easy to drive there I'll not win the. drive [ __ ] an hour nothing never any. traffic I'd be twenty five minutes. here's the deal though bro there's no. traffic out that don't matter used to be.

twenty five minutes with no tracker on. some [ __ ] tunes crack the window a. little bit they built this monster to. spend money yeah they'd built this month. this monster to to just you know like. when I went to [ __ ] Newark to see the. fight review. did we did knew it they built the soccer. stadium right [ __ ] soccer stadium in. Newark let's spend the money left and. right but they still can't put in a. left-hand turning signal so if you got. to make a left twenty-nine [ __ ] miles. of people got em well they're trying to. keep up their reputation as the. carjacked capital of the world and if.

you like some left turn signals you get. some outlet people can escape can escape. the drama [ __ ] maze that's the thing. about that it's like you know they think. that's a there's something really going. on inside that Denver Airport there's. all these documentaries dedicated to it. and one of the reasons for it is because. there's these crazy murals that they're. painted up in the Denver Airport and. they're really disturbing man their. apocalyptic like one guy's got a [ __ ]. gas mask on with a giant sword and. there's like pictures of children and.

coffins and there's fire in the. background of you ever seen that [ __ ]. yeah but yeah we've actually talked. about it on this podcast before we did. yeah but do you think that has anything. to do with with that I think you putting. the tea together I don't think that it. does definitely but it's interesting you. know I mean I don't have a pinion one. way or another I've listened to the. people talk about how it's some great. escape' base and then 2012 there's going. to be you know [ __ ] asteroids gonna. hit that they're tracking it's going to. kill everybody except the people are in. this underground bunker I don't know man.

I watched a TV show on those dudes those. dudes that have they've they've bought. like [ __ ] condos out in these. shelters out in like Death Valley and. [ __ ]. have you seen those people have space in. Death Valley and so they have like a. condo inside this underground bunker. thing it's out in the middle of [ __ ]. nowhere you have to drive and you go out. there and they had these shows I forget. who was the host of the show but they. they took you on a tour of these [ __ ]. but might have been Jesse Ventura no it. wasn't him because they had a sense of. humor but they whoever it was was like.

really and they'd taken his [ __ ] tour. of these underground bunkers that they. have set up where they can survive a. [ __ ] nuclear bomb I mean these guys. are like a half a mile deep in [ __ ]. earth so you survived the bomb now it's. you and eight [ __ ] Momo. [ __ ] looking at each other listen. just live your [ __ ] life these people. that dig into that [ __ ] and just live. your [ __ ] life we get hit by a bomb. the best thing you could do is move on. to the [ __ ] next life and pray to God. that'll be. [ __ ] belly he's at doors music dude. yeah what the [ __ ] is wrong with people.

I'm gonna live in a [ __ ] imagine. being living your life consumer what. happened when the bomb drops after 1960. those people that [ __ ] wore off. in the 60s they all moved into buildings. with underground drops with little. [ __ ] sandwiches that's how pang was. [ __ ] invented we didn't invent the. Tang for so when we go in that [ __ ]. tunnel of doom and after the Russians. [ __ ] everybody in the ass we come out we. got vitamin C from the [ __ ] tank. that's what Tang was invented for but. guess what our fears aren't the Russians. anymore it's a lot bigger than that.

whatever's gonna hit now right now. there's a thing going on in Japan well. we don't [ __ ] know they're lying to. the people just like everything else. they're lying a 20-mile radius that. shit's horrible that [ __ ] is horrible. radiation is [ __ ] horrible and the. best is all these people are raising. their hands now. we have radiation in Key West don't. blame it on [ __ ] Japan don't blame it. on Japan now that's not your pants for. you guys vet radiation on your own you. greasy [ __ ] down there up at. Cocoa Florida. you filthy [ __ ] now you want to. blame it on the poor [ __ ] Japs. they're walking around with [ __ ]. masking it is radiation yes Florida.

that's primarily hooked up [ __ ] that's. right guys off and creating heat and. sperm that they put in the [ __ ] beach. during CSI Miami see all these chicks. Brazilians are jumping up and down with. that ass that's what that [ __ ] is. [ __ ] [ __ ] nasty radiation there's. something extra dirty about porn that. you get from Miami ever watch porn from. Miami because it's almost like they're. like [ __ ] people [ __ ] yeah I mean. and they're always oiled up to the oil. drop engine and just something about it. like you can't relate [ __ ] even jerk-off.

trouble Joe Rogan nevermind the Martians. and lift on a little [ __ ] trouble the. only trouble this thing in Japan is a. lot worse than what this thing you think. so [ __ ] yeah what makes you say this. just I just know our society and then I. have a scarce wait till the [ __ ]. Japanese start coming out with six. [ __ ] eyes and she don't know which. one's looking at you huh then they're. gonna say what's that better so you can. see better me know maybe that's 2012. that'll be our next mutation good. there's an adapt a Shinto radiation this. is not [ __ ] is there any animals besides. roaches that are really good with. radiation roaches are supposed to be the.

best at it right yeah you can slip the. Resnick but is that is that even is that. even just like a wives tale yeah I don't. know someone should do us a favor now we. know that Japan is [ __ ] Santa box. cockroaches. over there with a webcam on it let's see. what's up you know if you love America. go over there and do that stupid [ __ ]. water all that soil and I don't know. what the [ __ ] going on you know what. now besides that we're all spread out. with Libya were in this [ __ ] plan. what the [ __ ] are you lovey and racy are. you [ __ ] crazy these guys are just. sitting there waiting it's like it's.

like you're just waiting for us to wear. out before you [ __ ] us in the hole and. then oh what's that guy we've been. looking for for 11 years or something. like just sitting there going oh we got. him now. this ran out like [ __ ] will. just light a fire in this Kansas CNN. breaking news I get CNN breaking news. sent to my phone Paula US intelligence. source CIA is operating inside Libya to. help us increase military and political. understanding what that means though is.

about to get jack [ __ ] what kind of. horseshit quote is that Oh. the CIA is there to increase military. and political understanding now this is. what we want you to do do you understand. okay here's the political understanding. we got the bombs [ __ ] okay we got. [ __ ] robots that we can operate from. Nevada okay and you don't even see them. because they blend in with the sky and. they don't make any noise because. they're [ __ ] solar-powered and they. can contain hell fire missiles Hellfire.

that's how I decided to name them not. you know the the beautiful flower. missile or nose lick my [ __ ] missile. no Hellfire Hellfire missiles and. they're shooting them from another. [ __ ] part of the world. imagine the lag they have they must have. to really like plan a shot in advance. like you're just like playing quake. online when you got lag if you have like. a 56k connection and there's some. [ __ ] you're playing against it's got. a cable modem and you know he gets to. move quicker than you because his. downtime is pain time between connecting. to the server and back is much quicker. so you're [ __ ] so these guys must have.

like super lag listen Doug in 1985 we. went to see Rambo - and that. [ __ ] took an arrow out when an. explosive at the end mmm and when he. shot at all of us lost online nobody. liked the black people black people love. that Rose was explosive I've seen that. movie I was 73 I never seen black people. crazy in my life when Rambo came out of. the mud in his eyes opened up and. black people with but not is there like. yelling we should have thought of that. what is it about black dudes that love. martial art love it they didn't love.

anything special like a dude doing some. crazy [ __ ] like oh that [ __ ] got. a gun in the shoe check that [ __ ] out. there's something about it dude pulls. his shoe off and guns down the bad guy. like oh [ __ ] no he didn't what is that. what does it mean we're just very vocal. they're excited yeah the best thing. about this that was 20 years ago the. [ __ ] we got now as bombs and stuff is. off to check a lot of the charts we got. a bomb that comes out here as a car that.

follows you to the gas station bro or. you're pumping gas it turns into a bomb. a guy pops out a shoulder says goodbye. that's the [ __ ] we got we got [ __ ] that. comes to your house just look like a. cake happy birthday and when you're. gonna block the candles it just [ __ ]. blows up we got some [ __ ] now you know. what I saw that was really crazy they. got this Rover it's uh this. remote-controlled drone Rover that's. moving around that can jump in the air. it gets up to a fence and I think and go. like eight or nine feet in the [ __ ]. air Wow and it moves up to the fence and.

then it just goes blank and flies to the. air and lands the other side it looks. like it basically looks like like some. sort of a flat box you know where all. the electronics is with like two tractor. two rubber tractor things on the side of. it I guess and the [ __ ] thing flies. through the air I mean what what's next. you know that's the other thing that. people are thinking about a lot of the. [ __ ] that's going down in Afghanistan a. lot of the [ __ ] that's going down the. Middle East period is that the CIA has. got all kinds of [ __ ] going on all kinds.

of little kinds of little drones and. explosives it blowing up inconvenient. spots to spark anger and you know what. they do like that so they do spark war. and get you know they've always done. that but the bottom line of this buddy. what do you think is really going on. they figure some Libyan doctor figured. out a way how to grow 50 kilos of heroin. in your bathtub and the United States. find out that Jack that [ __ ]. Gaddafi's got an army and [ __ ]. around this guy with missiles and. explosives but the United States is. jacking this guy's got some dude H it's.

got something to do with [ __ ] why. we're over there in the [ __ ] first. place the whole nucleus of this thing. people are dying in Detroit from heroin. yeah it's [ __ ] war and we're still. now would that take over Libya boxes of. money bro isn't it amazing how many. people who think you're crazy when you. start talking about the fact they're in. Afghanistan for heroin people go what. are you talking about. they'll look at you like you just. [ __ ] just ate a bowl of [ __ ] they. look you look you all your ridiculous. person yeah we're at war for heroin.

where do you think that money's going. man when he goes what do you know much. money we're talking about they can. ignore that you're [ __ ] crazy we want. to take over a country so we get you. better gyros that's what you're telling. me. sighs go [ __ ] yourself we're taking over. a country so we can take over that. [ __ ] loop dawg. yeah that's the bottom line it's a lot. of bottom line there's all sorts of loot. over there and this all sorts of looting. Libya - I mean it's it's is it a [ __ ]. coincidence that for whatever reason we. decide to attack Libya instead of going. to Mexico and straighten out that.

[ __ ]. that's right next door but all Mexico's. gots burritos well the Fritos and. hookers and donkeys and tequila vests. it's not a lot of [ __ ] to offer Mexicans. get ready though but listen that's some. crazy [ __ ] down in well they. got a they got to clean out their. problem they got a big problem and it's. because the United States it's a big. part of it they wanted to make. everything legal they wanted to you know. they did do you know that here's a. little-known fact. Mexico is decriminalized everything. small amounts when you're not selling it. everything's legal now you could get. acid in Mexico you can get mushrooms in.

Mexico they decriminalized everything. just because they had to allocate. resources to fight these [ __ ] drug. lords I mean that's a that's a gone. country that country's gone the country. doesn't have a government anymore that's. right next door right next door right. next door right next door. the [ __ ] drug army is it's like going. to war with someone who lives in your. country it's like if we were fighting. al-qaeda but al-qaeda had billions of. dollars and was way more armed and they. were living here that's what it's like. that's what it's like being a [ __ ]. Kosciusko and here's the crazy thing. Mexico is coming back to get with DES.

[ __ ] California Texas yeah you're right. though you can't take Texas yes it's not. gonna can't take a sex pack even the. Mexicans will do go around Texas and. Jack Wyoming though Jack Dallas Dallas. tire can initiate they'll give them a. big yeah. canta the outskirts of Texas still come. out of their hunting blinds and kill us. all I don't have a chance here to lives. there Ted Nugent lives in Waco now yeah. you can't [ __ ] really. okay does he's got a high fence I've. always admired what I think he's a. [ __ ] but I think he does a lot of. things that I really agree with and one.

of the things that I agree with his when. he lived in Michigan he had this badass. compound we like 2,000 acres or. something like that and it was all. fenced in he had all these animals. living inside his compound he was just. going Jack him and that's where he got. all his food from he got all his food. from hunting on his own property and I'm. like god damn it that's [ __ ]. brilliant that's how I want to live I. would love to live like that just eat. what you hunt yeah that's one of the. reasons why I was into moving to. Colorado one of the reasons why I was up. there I was like look if the [ __ ] hits. the fan living in the woods you know. there's a lot of animals out here in the.

spring water that comes out and [ __ ]. shooting a pig. yeah I cook I'm gonna [ __ ] cave with. your kids a cave just give it a more. [ __ ] silver way I live in a tent with. [ __ ] heaters if they should ever went. down and got kinky can you imagine that. kinky can you go kinky [ __ ] gets kinky. dawg in that case let me buy you one I. got this. so how excited about Oregon Oregon. follows yeah we're gonna have a good. [ __ ] time. Oregon's one of those states that's been. on the grid for years but nobody know. about they kept it hush-hush I used to.

get some good weed Murray in 15 [ __ ]. years ago. yeah Pass Ashlin Eugene Bend Oregon's a. hippie fluff and foundation over there. and bed Portland's a pretty hippie place. two is already hippie out except the. girls have dirty feet dirty feet get him. to make him put hot socks on box locks. in socks on and don't breathe in my. mouth Portland was the the place that I. went to last year and we were trying to. find the most attractive person in a. Costco for like a half hour I mean the. girl is with a mellow see who'd you [ __ ].

yeah and we couldn't find anyone with a. Costco though dude go to a Costco in. Burbank and you with a bunch of cripples. there too I know but that's a packed. Costco I usually go unwanted strings you. need to go to better places so there's a. smaller amount smaller amount of people. you'd want to [ __ ] that's okay dude. you're gonna okay I'll be okay. gotta live somewhere with this place. fall apart I don't know what - there's. too many humans here and I'll let it. [ __ ] yeah too many but we keep on saying. never we won't do anything about it. I did I [ __ ] move man the only reason.

why I came back cuz mrs. Rogan got. pregnant and because the dog got eaten. by a mountain yeah if it wasn't for that. suburb then that's my next move what. you're talking about almost not like I'm. already talking to real estate agents oh. snap you don't know you love [ __ ] yeah. well she'll let you talk all that. nonsense so there's our back oh it's. gonna move to move as you go and you get. a summer place and you try it out and. you live there for summer and anybody. comes like you'd be super nice while. you're there so it becomes all nostalgic. yeah well I just every time were they'll. just bring home flowers and [ __ ] then we.

come back to LA and then it's all. jiu-jitsu and loud music too much pot. smoke so Ellie is negative yeah daddy's. crazy in LA daddy just wants to fight. and smoke pot and he's walking around. naked no in Colorado daddy wants to go. get ice cream and daddy's bringing. flowers home see you just train them bro. he's the father you got blowin farts on. her death I got I love you DEFCON. shudder here's the problem Joe Rogan's. got Joe Rogan's got a great wife and Joe. Rogan I went to his home last week and.

that was one of the first times that. mrs. Rogan was home in a couple calm so. I'd been up there like four times mrs. Rogan likes to rock the house mrs. Roman. I like to see home and the problem was. off where you live now all we gotta do. is go down the hill she get the party. started. where you put her before mother [ __ ] I. could witness relocation play she had to. drive 90 miles before she even seen a. Denny's gone. there was another 20 miles she was from. all weapon balda the first mall that she. cares about his cherry [ __ ] Creek. you know I'm sayin so you had a tooth. whiz at Denver yeah he was actually far. away from the more I'm gonna keep it.

closer to the mall you had a 90 [ __ ]. mile dog and I flipped on the ice you. know what I love the most the head up. there and look what I love the most. living up there was that there was a. small amount of people man all of their. boulders only got a hundred. thousand-plus people not that much man. and people are friendlier like that. there's a more relaxed vibe and I think. that [ __ ] is healthy I think there's. something exciting about living in a big. city especially if you're you know. you're involved in the hustle and bustle. and you're really trying to make.

something happen and muscle I don't know. I can't believe that New Yorker realtor. again if you got divorce you probably. get married after a week dumb [ __ ]. again are you ready talking their. realtor Grogan's gonna shut that party. up. you gotta figure out a way to get a. [ __ ] car for her - the more I'm going. to wear the act I can see that don't. worry about that he's got to move a. little closer that was - let's move this. a little closer and you just need to. move to Texas Texas is this is the. answer - I like Austin I'm a big fan of. that Austin Texas I'll tell you that I. live there if I was gonna live but more.

lane the wheat is not legal there the. thing about Colorado was just like. California you could just go rock weed. everywhere and people move to Austin no. not yet not yeah the [ __ ] hits the fan. anything can happen you know when the. [ __ ] hits a fan everybody gets scared. then you start making you know survival. choices anyway you can live in Kansas. you know you'd rather be healthy in. Kansas you know but um the weed stores. in Colorado or just like out here room. it's just out there everywhere there's. one place in Denver where there's a. [ __ ] seven of them on a street yeah. [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] be there every was it. easier to get a license though - same.

same deal I get headaches okay bang. prescription Sun you know it was like I. don't want you out okay 20 minutes away. from me when I was shooting that movie. yeah right in the mountains they had it. nice like a doctor oh yeah there's a. place that I used to go to in the. mountains it was like a gift shop and. they were doing do it struggling they. were doing terrible and you know the. [ __ ] they were about to lose their. business and then they started selling. weed in the back of the gift shop legal. they got a legal license boom now. they're ball and now they're about so. they're one place they open up in. Boulder is supposedly I don't know if.

it's open yet but they were talking. about it was gonna be 30,000 square feet. it was gonna be three floors I don't. know if they went through with it I need. to find out if they did yeah because. that's just the most ridiculous [ __ ]. I've ever heard that's a goddamn. shopping is a Walmart of we have a. Walmart of weed yeah but they had great. spots there man they had great spots we. can get weed I got some no problem weed. two days ago in Harley with us 31. percent THC you leave it this year even. Nessa Stein like again it's Matt oh yeah. I've been smoking Matt since 2006 and. you gotta figure that every year it gets.

a little strong it's that's a week they. pay this bro I forgot to bring a but it. looks like one of the Martians from. Independence Day you can see the sativa. and indica growing around it it's like a. hybrid welcome beautiful what if I tell. you how to a joint of that right now bar. we give it to you huh no I wouldn't got. it no you do yeah I did go get that [ __ ]. son do you really have some what's it. called man. number one og grant Baggins market kid. all that [ __ ] is [ __ ] strong yeah I. had to go to the gym Bob's [ __ ] up. sounds good dogs are Oregon's going to.

be fun last night we have our time I. went to Eugene Oregon with Jody Ferdie. and we had a Saturday night there for a. one-man if a Tribble but it was the same. night that there was a convention for. like the American Association of. [ __ ] children I don't want to say it. wrong but it was like the children that. you know right show Olympics right and. they had a lot of little [ __ ] kids. running around so when I go to check in. I'm high as a [ __ ] there's all. these different balloons and I'm just. freaking cuz oregan got some beep weed. I'm saying right right got some at the. gas station Brian you're gonna love this.

[ __ ] so I got a lighter we check in to. the hotel in Eugene and Joe this is not. 10 or 15 of them this is 600 children. you know Special Olympics 200 [ __ ]. ones and their parents well so I go to. my room you know we small we do the show. the show is in the hotel in a different. part they're having a little dance you. had to see this they were all holding. hands little balloons and the disco and. it was very cute to see but if a lot. with the stories a lot of people don't. know is [ __ ] you guys boys are the. strongest [ __ ] in the world.

they're most perverted really yo I've. heard that back everywhere hearted boy. they go [ __ ] nuts if you see them if. you show him your [ __ ] don't listen to. me we're in the [ __ ] comedy club and. awesome they switch it at 10 o'clock. they switch they turn into a disco and. Jodi's got a couple cocktails in and she. started dancing she got big titties at. the time and this is a little [ __ ]. boy who breaks away from the [ __ ]. pile and goes into the dance and he. starts to look at Jody and you could see. Joe rolling that he's losing his [ __ ]. now. and finally he goes I want to dance what.

starts dancing with he started to answer. with and he starts grinding when the. Jody thinks it's cute and awesome they. come in they're like there he is there's. little David and they come to grab him. and David [ __ ] snaps like one of. those [ __ ] gorillas in the zoo right. now they had three black doormen that. would try to tackle little Timmy little. timmy was drawing him around like rock. master throwing around [ __ ] Jon Fitch. just picked the whole offensive line of. the Giants couldn't help his little. retype down three [ __ ] black gorillas. and he's just pushed my on DVD on TTV.

I'm not no no no he's seen those titties. he went. [ __ ] apeshit he's pushing on the. counters game then a throw him on the. [ __ ] floor put his hand mMmmm. he seen them titties he was [ __ ]. apeshit dog whoa those little pots go. [ __ ] bananas when you show him this. little white cars and it was just titty. can you imagine if it was the monkey who. want a job bro these Jesus he said visit. University of Eugene these are big black. football players they couldn't control. his world 12 year old he was banging him.

throwing him around like he was only 12. 12 or 13 just throwing these [ __ ]. black guys around and I never forget. that that they had to put him on the. floor handcuffed him shoot him. tranquilizing this little [ __ ] poor. kid seen titties me what [ __ ] bananas. bananas that's crazy I just wonder if. they're just doing what everybody wants. to do but just doesn't have the ball. they had they don't have the walls that. they break down. yeah yeah what if that's what people. like instinctively want to do or. anything like that yeah retards can't be.

like extra more horny right no they. probably not extra horny it took that. fan of him sweat like Joe Rogan's house. without the electricity of him saying he. love me here whoo bro this kid went. [ __ ] bananas he ripped a cherry you. can't even beat them up what do you what. do you do you can't drop a bomb on a. funny thing was that they built like a. wall at first make you laugh first they. asked me to leave and he was like they. built like the black guys got shoulder. shoulder right and he was grabbing their. shoulders hmm whoa I mean it was [ __ ].

scary they don't know they look bad you. know that's one of the weird things. about people that are [ __ ] or down. syndrome or whatever you don't seem to. know you know they just kind of are they. just behave they don't they're like good. one-month old book it's dubious with. more no they're not like that that is. themselves right I mean it's like that. must be a strange strange existence. where you know that's part of being dumb. is that you're too dumb to realize. you're dumb you know if you I'm not. saying dumb like there's like they're.

lazy like they have an issue there's a. mental issues and the mental imbalance. whatever the [ __ ] it is but I mean it's. impairment they're impaired but they're. so impaired they don't know they're. impaired like they've lost the ability. to see that they're impaired you know. what a strange thing what if they all. have an inner voice that that's. completely normal like but they can't. take a to be my. you know United mean so the whole time. there's just like I can't believe how. much they treat me so horrible and I. wish I you know but they can't when they. try to say it's like murmuring tutor. girl well there's probably now though. there's probably a lot of that yeah I.

think there's a bunch of different types. of you know being [ __ ] up you know for. sure there's that too. you know it's not it's not just simple. as yeah it'd be good there's some of. this varying reader. yeah there's varying degrees along the. way that are you know means [ __ ]. crazy thing man to have your mind. impaired you know and look look our. minds are impaired in comparison I was. watching this [ __ ] twelve-year-old. kid his autistic kid with a hundred and. seventy IQ doing his take on the theory. of relativity and he's writing out.

equations on this [ __ ] window and I'm. watching this kid I'm like this kid. might as well be a [ __ ] alien alright. I don't know what he's doing have no. idea he's explaining this like this is. all simple simple [ __ ] when this is so. far beyond my capacity to him to this. autistic kid I'm [ __ ] okay I am this. guy who he has to humor because I can't. understand a [ __ ] word a letter a. single part of his equation I don't know. what's going on up there it's chaos to. me but to him it's so clear it's a. language it's like well quite simply you.

have to move this and this becomes x. equals y equals two we are the retards. to that kid hmm you know maybe like that. maybe like you know people with Down. syndrome they feel bad with people don't. have Down syndrome maybe it's just like. us we feel bad with people have autism. right my gosh poor kids got autism and. II can't engage in all the normal. emotional things that we do meanwhile. this [ __ ] you know count. counting to a billion in his head while. while he's talking to you about how a. television is conduct constructed you. know maybe we're retards to them maybe.

you know they look at us and I go this. poor Fox they can't even do math in. their head they don't they can't see. through walls they can't read people's. minds you know but but some people just. I had a kidney eighth graders name is. Michael alig Retta Sicilian kid he had. been fresh off the boat in the [ __ ]. sixth grade by the eighth grade this. [ __ ] spoke three languages. why don't we parlay I gotta go do these. all that Sicilian [ __ ] he picked up. Spanish and he picked up English and I. just sit and look at him off do you know.

him saying like he was such a cool. [ __ ] that I just wanted to hang. what if he was so he was a nerd we used. to play when you used to play hockey we. hit him in the chins with the with the. hockey stick so I would die away. he was never Grif to the bag when my dog. Michael our hilarious and he but this. kid knew nothing only came off a boat. January in the sixth grade by the 8th. grade III [ __ ] language he would talk. to me in Spanish talk to you in English. like nothing and get A's you know some. people work ethic - it's a some people.

just they have this insane work ethic. and people that get a chance to come to. America it's so much different than. being born in America we don't have any. [ __ ] idea. you live you know you're living in. [ __ ] Guatemala or some [ __ ] you know. your your opportunities are [ __ ] few. and far between you know you live in. some place that's impoverished you're. kind of [ __ ] man but when you're in. America dude holy [ __ ] so these guys you. know their family gets them together. look we're gonna move to America. wouldn't have a better life and you. realize you're leaving everything behind. you're putting all your [ __ ] ship in.

cargo planes and you're all sitting. together crammed in coach and you know. eating fruit out of your mom's purse and. you know just hoping that when you get. there things are gonna be better and you. don't know anybody there and how scary. is this so when those [ __ ] get. to school they come out guns blazing you. know they appreciate the fact that holy. [ __ ] I used to live in Italy now Here I. am in the land of the free the home of. the brave you know I'm in America and. I'm in school and I'm learning English. and I'm just gonna go [ __ ] crazy over. here they're just so unhappy and you're.

open that's the one half of it because I. didn't leave Cuba crying we moved here I. woke up on 89th Street Riverside Drive. right I had all the [ __ ] things that. a rich kid would have right and here I. was walking around this [ __ ] city but. I didn't know English and all you want. to do in your heart is just fit in and. you have no idea this is not trying to. fit in when you're in grammar school and. you should get a tattoo a long hair all. you want to know is for them not to know. you came from somewhere else I can't. describe it to you I can't even [ __ ].

start to tell you like sometimes I have. this anger at me and it's because I. can't we were so lucky we were so lucky. any three of us could have been born one. of those black kids and [ __ ] Haiti. with flies on you yeah any three of us. and we have so many [ __ ]. opportunities and sometimes I wake up in. the morning this really hits me. sometimes I go how [ __ ] lucky am i. that my mother came here and Here I am. sitting here smoking dope I gotta go mug. somebody you ever say like think about. that's what an immigrant was like I ever. you know I'm telling him for a long time.

I've been writing this thing and that's. how it starts with it you know I don't. remember anything I don't remember the. plane ride from Cuba I remember nothing. all I remember is crossing the [ __ ]. Street on 89th and Broadway up to ps1. see 666 and thinking to myself finally. I'm gonna be a [ __ ] American what. does that mean looking at that flag you. really believe in something dawg it's. not just a piece of [ __ ] rag looking. at that flag and going what the [ __ ]. like looking at the wind blowing that. flag and going what the [ __ ] that flag.

is the answer to all my [ __ ] problem. that's the answer right there. but I even at that age I knew my mother. was [ __ ] crazy so I knew I was in the. full-fledged American but looking at. that when you look at that flag and you. just come here that they have a scene in. the beginning of Scarface when they're. on the boat and they finally see land. and they show the American flag and the. director whoever the guy is brilliant. enough to show he showed it from a. different angle what that flag looks. like it's not just we overlooked that. flag every [ __ ] day we overlooked.

that flag you don't know what it is to. look at that flag when you first come. here and to know that that's your. [ __ ] that's your a magic carpet. it's the highest ideal in the world it's. the highest ideal that's why it's so. infuriating when politicians are [ __ ]. corrupt that's why it's so you know. people say you know why do you criticize. what America does overseas don't you. love America yeah if you love it you. want to tell the [ __ ] truth about. what it's doing you know if you love it. you're supposed to stand up ago what the. [ __ ] is going on it's like you don't. love it by letting it get away with. stupid [ __ ] because there's some corrupt.

kant's at the wheel that's not doesn't. mean you don't love the idea of America. I [ __ ] love the idea of America for. sure I'm always. we only see the one side of that flag we. never see both sides together gentlemen. and that's the point we never we only. see that one side of the flag right now. you discuss that the CIA is setting up. things in Libya. what are they setting up that's starting. a war they're starting business yeah. they're getting things going that's the. other side of that flag that we're never. able to see we'll see once you put a. mirror on the other side of flag you. know I'm saying that's the one side of.

flag that we have since we accept this. side of the flag we got to accept that. so yeah the only way that side this side. is possible where it's easy to drive. around is if they're doing all this. creepy [ __ ] you got to bring unless we. bring the whole world together in on. everything and that's just not going to. happen and we've done creepy [ __ ]. [ __ ] they're gonna do creepy [ __ ] too. and they can trust them you know we. can't trust people to be cool you know. they look the natural instinct if. someone can get into a position of power. is to be Qaddafi that's the natural. instinct the natural instinct is to get.

Botox when you're 80 I have this big. stupid looking rubber face where goofy. clothes and just be running [ __ ] even. though you're this old [ __ ] you know. living in some [ __ ] castle with. billions of dollars he doing that job. can you tell me why is he doing me we. put our billions and ours for money and. as I left lag his money Joe Rogan that's. a lot of people never comprehend but. that's the reality of it stand-up is a. beautiful thing to do. yeah some guys are brilliant some guys. aren't billing the millionaires the. other for between the crack the other. side is stand-up it's a business yeah it.

really is a [ __ ] business guys and. it's like anything else the other side. left flag is a business guys and the. same way we want social security one. with 65 a country has to do sell a. couple kilos every once in a while to. replenish those [ __ ] funds. you don't saying right and that's aside. the American public don't want to know. that's the site that included Kennedy. that's aside the Alex Jones talks about. whether it's true or not that's aside. we're not supposed to see we're supposed. to be focused on the other side on what. that machine is supposed to mean to us. and for guys like you and I I like.

looking behind the curtain but I don't I. don't because I grew up in a corrupt. home town I seen what politics is out of. minut level I can't even dream of what. it is in a national [ __ ] level when. I'm taking political contributions but. I'm gonna pass your [ __ ] bill so you. could pass that law that'll make. people's hands grow back. but they also going to give him cancer. in the eyeballs that's part of it it. grows it when I grew up in it when it. was in the micro process ice now it's in. the national level of corruption is in a.

macro process and it starts with little. things and townships where if there's a. macro smaller than mine yeah micro macro. a little high outside but you understand. like I know exactly what you're saying. yeah it's very interesting corruption if. not checked grows it all just keeps. getting bigger it's not like they go hey. we got to cut the [ __ ] I know we've been. making millions dollars on the sneak tip. but everybody's got to stop right now. and I'm not kidding I think it why are. you still making money these Wikileak. things are pretty cool for the country I. think you change that's why these. [ __ ] want to put that guy in jail.

they want to say it compromises American. security no it does and he did exactly. what the New York Times was supposed to. do if they got that information they. should have done that on Twitter though. I can imagine if there was just like. this Twitter address that everyone. followed that everywhere we go tweet. later by the way JFK here's pictures of. JFK so and cocaine dude WikiLeaks has a. Twitter and they really wish the same. generator they would be [ __ ] later they. released some an article about how. different parts of the American economy. are influenced by genetically modified. foods and how we are trying to force.

them on other countries and then we're. like [ __ ] with other countries if. they don't go into the genetically. modified food they don't start growing. like Monsanto corn shell like them you. know those that does these giant. companies our way to embed it into the. political system they're not doing stuff. for the greater good of people they're. doing stuff for the profitability of. giant corporations that moved them into. position in the first place. the whole thing has been corrupted like. to sit down and pretend that that that. it's real is insulting it's like it's. like a stupid argument it's like people. who argue about Pro Wrestling you know.

it's like what are you arguing about. this is a fake nonsense process if you. can't not notice that from Obama Obama's. gonna pull all the truth out of Ikea oh. he's not Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. and then he sent 30,000 more [ __ ]. troops to Afghanistan I mean come on man. thank you look at all the [ __ ] that he's. done to allow these [ __ ] to get away. with steel and all that [ __ ] money in. that bailout. I watched that inside job movie dude. that [ __ ] is disgusting it's disgusting. how deep the corruption is the financial.

the whole financial sector. it's scary dude they have the people. that are red. laterz eventually get jobs with the. banks like how the [ __ ] you're telling. me you work as a guy who's working for. the SEC and you're looking into banks. and corruption and [ __ ] like that and. then when you quit you get a job with. the bank how the [ __ ] are you not in. jail how the [ __ ] are you not in jail. you were the one responsible for looking. over these [ __ ] while they were. doing all sorts of crazy [ __ ] betting on. things failing and betting three times.

more than that a business is worth and. speculums and and and betting again and. [ __ ] forcing clients to buy [ __ ] they. knew wasn't good like they did a lot of. crazy creepy [ __ ] and got away with it. I'm the only one who got popped is that. Bernie Madoff those [ __ ] should. all be in jail this should be a mass. jailing and they're not they're not. jailing anybody then it's [ __ ] then. it's all [ __ ] it's all [ __ ] that. they're not you you gotta like hold them.

them the most accountable you can and. it's barely at all people's dreams. people's dreams when you steal people's. dreams that's the worst thing in the. [ __ ] world you're 63 years old or so. somebody calls and says you're not gonna. get you your money at 66 or 67 all that. money you put away that happens those. guys a lot too it's happened to a lot of. [ __ ] people people at 16 I just watch. them but a month ago people 71 getting. part-time [ __ ] jobs now the 69 this. is [ __ ] movie showed I believe it was.

Iceland how they went in and jacked the. Icelandic economy in like a couple of. years these banks went in and just. [ __ ] just created bubbles and started. making crazy money spending in access. then it all failed. and people are [ __ ] they had like the. most stable the most normalized economy. like it was a beautiful economy. everything was running smooth people. were hard workers people got [ __ ] done. they lived a life of you know relative. prosperity now they're [ __ ] everybody. lost everything. everyone's [ __ ] everyone's pissed you.

think that kinda states I think already. has he has what is this bailout what is. this how do you how do these people get. money when when their banks failed they. well they have bonuses in their contract. bonuses how the [ __ ] do you get a bonus. when the bank failed. like the idea that you have to respect. them and that they can't lose that's. just there it's so criticized gosta. bonuses millions millions of dollars and. this is from banks where we would check. to pay them we gave them money and.

they're giving out money either way if. your back [ __ ] fail you can't get a. bonus you can't get a bonus I'm smelly. as a bank [ __ ] failed do you take no. personal responsibility like who takes. responsibility somebody and it you. shouldn't it be the guy that stands to. make a bonus if the bank does well that. should be the guy who takes personal. responsibility so when the bank [ __ ]. fails you don't get your bonus [ __ ]. that's it it's that simple why why the. [ __ ] can't the president say that is. that the studies like we're gonna you. know load limit it to half a million.

dollars half a million [ __ ] dollars. for a bonus when your bank fails well. you want these [ __ ] are so not. living in reality and most people's. reality these [ __ ] cost so many [ __ ]. people their life savings and they have. to get their bonuses and the president's. like welp we have to give it to him what. the [ __ ] are you talking about you have. to give it to him you can't just step in. go cut the [ __ ] are you [ __ ] crazy no. you can't get thirty million dollars. after your [ __ ] bank fails no in the. middle of a crazy down economy where.

billions of dollars from taxpayers. money's been funneled to the [ __ ]. banks to keep them afloat no you can't. get a bonus [ __ ] you like you have a. job you're lucky your head is attached. to your [ __ ] shoulder like you're not. getting 90 [ __ ] years yeah you luck. you're not in jail forever in Haiti. graduation have you followed what's. going on the city of bail bail bail bail. California's the city that the [ __ ]. guys just jacking what happened like the. [ __ ] you gotta get up early in the. morning first cuz they talk about like. KTLA it's a city here of bail off to. 6:05 or something and all the mayor.

everybody it was as corrupt as can be. they've been jacking millions so if it's. at that city of bail if the corruption. is that deep the cops for having ticket. contest really oh this is every day on. the news they come up with more [ __ ] the. guy just got reamed itíd this is old. school jersey [ __ ] like really cool. where's Bell Bell California I think. like you know is it 30 minutes from here. son really yeah 34. it's close yeah they just been having.

this [ __ ] in there lately it's a [ __ ]. store they all get they were all. stealing all five guys are stealing big. pool I don't understand how they feel. like no one's gonna get caught it's like. a good filing trail remember Goodfellas. and Robert De Niro how to start killing. people because you're spending too much. money yeah that's the same goddamn thing. man that was a great scene wasn't it. well you realize the guy came in his. wife had a [ __ ] beautiful fur coat on. I put the [ __ ] you doing and then they. did they know they have to kill this guy. and then it's photos of him and his wife. shot in the car what a great goddamn.

movie that one was on the other and when. I walked in the part with there at the. mother's house and then borrowing the. knife but you got to think of that whole. scene they borrowed a knife to stab this. guy in the car. meanwhile while they're eating the guys. in the trunk of the [ __ ] car eat like. it's the 4th of July hat dairy bags and. bread and [ __ ] telling stories. remember the painting yeah baby sighs. that was amazing that is such a sick. [ __ ] movie right there it's great. moving what do one for me there's not.

that many of those there's very few of. those that ever get that good you know. it's very few movies that ever like hit. that that's like a perfect movie. Goodfellas is like a perfect [ __ ]. movie. everything about it especially you see. it 20 years later when she was screaming. at Ray Liotta and he run he starts. laughing and runs away cos gackt out of. his [ __ ] mind. she's screaming at him and he's laughing. and winning we're packaging up the coke. and his girlfriend's getting pissed off. you know she's because he's got her just. [ __ ] making coke for him now he was. banging her on the side still with his. wife and he's got her packaging coke for.

him and you know he leaves laughing and. she [ __ ] throws the coke at the door. you remember that [ __ ] is the craziest. thing Christi craziest thing ever when. he gets to that scene and I did coke for. 30 years when he gets to that scene and. he snorts and he pops his head up and. his eyes dilate right in front of the. camera that scene is when I turn the. movie off really it bothers me to know. and you know what bothers me because he. steals it though he taps into the coat. when he's standing there with his arms. watch it again when she's weighing it. and he's standing there with his arms.

folded only times you see my arms fold. that means your potential energy you're. ready to explode you can't even take. watching that fill that [ __ ] envelope. when he sees the [ __ ] that helicopter. you know it's behind you. that chinna chatter they have that's. paranoid talk why can't we go to your. mother's house when they dropped the. guns off in your magic Joe what can we. go to your mother's house and drop off. guns they had this chilly child when he. gets out of jail and he's feeling for. the coke and he comes home he's trying.

to tell her that he wants it for money. he wants to get high I've been there. Karen Haran what you do was what I was. all we had Karen that whole future look. at how high he ran he just passes out I. just passed out perfect yeah they just. pass out from the party yeah thought we. had $60,000 in the [ __ ] thing he had. the ceiling was retina found a great. [ __ ] movie now it's amazing when he's. looking up at the helicopters and he's. driving I'm so [ __ ] yes yes well using.

the card he thought it was over and he's. in he's getting rid of guns right wasn't. yeah you have no idea what it is to get. coked up in this little room and look. out that window by the blonde there's. like they'll be uh what do you call. those things a fire hydrant uh-huh but. if you mind it becomes a dog could you. imagine if you got like Osama bin Laden. cooked up did you imagine if you got. someone someone like Gaddafi cooked up. right now how paranoid he would be they.

just go like they probably does it do. you think he does coke of course you're. a [ __ ] terrorist you're probably. [ __ ] [ __ ] hookers look off he's not. a terrorist he's a dick or I mean let me. know some he's but I mean yeah he's the. same thing there was a bad bad person. right enemy bank versa there was a guy. called Carlos something that was part of. the Medellin Cartel in the eighties bad. [ __ ] the one that was in charge. of bringing a ball to blow he got so. crazy not nadir Carlos yeah what's his. last night he run a deer calls name.

hello yeah he was the one that didn't. blow up I might have made that up blow. was the guy in the island that he went. to visit Johnny Depp the guy with the. blue eyes died who had the machine guns. and [ __ ] with his diet his name is Carlo. lay there yeah so this played air laid. Collins lay there carlos lehder got his. sentence reduced he got like nine. hundred years knocked off a sentence he. still got 1400 ordered. he's the one that went through the. government said though I gave Fidel. envelopes face to face Wow. and Carlos laid there how they nailed. him was he was actually getting cameras. like Ryan does set in the room he'd get.

a plate blow he sit there naked with a. power and just do bumps and everyone. Salahi go like this a chicken come and. suck his dick it's Mac he'd do more blow. and he just tell poetry all day and. finally they got the link cartel got. their hands on this and they were like. this can't happen. get Bush on the phone Bush we got. something for you right I'll tell you. exactly what he is we're gonna email the. tape to you really that Yellin animal in. cartel gave him up real exactly yeah.

because they couldn't take that this guy. was folded he's making videos of himself. naked sweating with his eyes this big. doing blow for 24 hour pops [ __ ] Charlie. Sheen this guy is naked doing bumps and. you know say him talking about la Luna. you know stars and the mountains and. then he would go out on a chicken come. and suck his dick and he were like. shooter they would be super senior on. tape and they just keep you see him pull. the by her ankles you should see me. bleeding [ __ ] dying then he'd do more.

blood I wish I was lying to you this guy. was killing people on tape doing blow. just some wack not eaten for days uh-uh. brilliant [ __ ] the next thing one of the. Medellin Cartel got this nelly we can't. have this when they went and got him and. brought him back they stopped those were. pictures of him on the plane next to. Marina he's just looking around like. what the [ __ ] do I do. even exactly turn him in holy [ __ ] did. you see you saw cocaine Cowboys right. yeah you know that woman what's her name. gizelle de is the zeldo she's out she's.

back in Colombia man they got pictures. of her in Colombia at the airport. hanging out free and this is the movie. just detail after detail how many people. she had killed wow that that pitch the. godmother I think they called her. Griselda she made so much money hundreds. and hundreds of millions of dollars in. coke money man she was killing people. left and right they got this guy who's. that her hit man who's in jail and they. interview him in jail and he's just. telling them all the different times. Griselda had made me kill this guy so I.

had to go do some business and I killed. this guy. business and I said I wouldn't do that. because they wanted me to do a drive-by. and there was a baby in the car like. whoa let's get in Colombians days to. shoot anything well there's a picture if. you go on daily news archives 1984 a. Colombian family and Brooklyn got. slaughtered well the kid the room for. the wake was 14 bodies and there was 12. kids oh mighty sound kids down to 212. and put bullets in their [ __ ]. forehead oh my god the pictures just.

they don't show the bodies but they show. the funeral parlor and just the role of. [ __ ] bodies these Colombians. and over nothing this is in the 80s when. they were shooting you with two dollars. just to make that point you know you. always [ __ ] money future that was the. big thing about them right the. Colombians were always thought to be the. most liked Colombian necktie they'd go. for a [ __ ] row down pull your tongue. out they wanted they wanted an. intimidation at the maximum you know the. [ __ ] savages that's right next door. to us buddy that's that's just like.

what's going on in Mexico that's. happening right now in a bigger even. bigger scale you know because the. Colombians even though they had like. they were selling drugs they were. bringing drugs and they weren't getting. that much resistance from their. government you don't I mean there's kind. of crap this was partly right yeah it. was kind of corrupt but in Mexico it's. not the same man Mexico they get a lot. of resistance but it doesn't matter so. stealing it they're still doing it so. it's scarier cuz it's more like it's. more militaristic you know what's the. expression in Spanish bloom o Plomo or.

Plata that's the expression well that's. a silver - that's a finish from the. rubber guard Plomo hablando Plata no. just call either bullets or money which. one did you show up it which ones. bullets blobel Plomo is bullets yeah. Plata is cash so it's a Plata they just. show up a house with a gun nail or an. envelope blow more Plata. that's really a new rap song probably. you want to choose Plata and you know. what call [ __ ] that's how they would. run Colombo well now that's a blahblah.

they were this poor [ __ ] girl who was. remember that girl was trying to be a. sheriff in some town and near juarez. remember that [ __ ] she was 20 years old. there's a big story because this is. college girl decides she's going to [ __ ]. in. get a job as a sheriff and try to clean. up the town within months this poor girl. is trying to seek asylum in America. because they're trying to kill her. although slice your [ __ ] throat no. cut you up you're either in or you're. out. no there's no coming back there's no no.

no that's a different society this isn't. terrifying man this isn't uh it's. terrifying [ __ ] and it's terrifying that. it's terrifying that we aren't doing. anything about it but yeah we're [ __ ]. around in Libya. hey bro 1984 December 12th 1984 I was. minding my business 83 I was minding my. business of Snowmass Village I don't. know nothin about nothin' snorting coke. and going to school at night man I just. had an electricians job and I heard this. baboon but I didn't know what happened I. just went to bed the next day they would.

tell me to start about this drug deal. name Stephen Grabill he got in a [ __ ]. car with his started up they put a bomb. under his [ __ ] car in Aspen Colorado. damn some white doing.i and I asked her. in other than the papers he was about to. go on trial for tax evasion. my Jewish guy that was in with the. Columbia.