Joe Rogan Experience #850 - George Perez

boom and we're live just like that. that's what I like that's what I like. too man we're sitting here I'm here with. George Perez and uh right when I was. coming here my neighbor uh right over. here uh just told me there's some black. SUVs driving down the street they got. battering rams and black helicopters. then Jamie said there's SWAT Crews some. shit's going down George Perez hey I I. tweeted let people know your in the era.

did you have location services turned on. you got to turn that [ __ ] off man they. find you that's how they find you dude. they probably will find you they. probably do that's why AR I'm convinced. that's why AR shafir went to a flip. phone doesn't want that GPS on him. doesn't want them tracking him with all. his mushroom drops that he leaves. everywhere. and so uh there's something going on so. while this podcast is happening some. [ __ ] is going on very close to us here. we're in Woodland Hills so uh somewhere. in this area somewhere in the 818 I was.

nervous coming over here because of the. area really yeah I haven't been here. since like 98 is this a [ __ ] up area. well we used to sell speed to people in. R you still like the visit so I remember. they were like don't turn right do not. go that way like you don't want to go. back to see what what you planted oh. it's here see how it grew it's here. speed is a weird one man you know they. had this uh statistic the other day on. how many [ __ ] people are an Aderall. oh [ __ ] which is just speed it's just.

[ __ ] speed there's a statistic that I. posted yesterday that's the most. disturbing one though Ronda Patrick Dr. Ronda Patrick put it up there's more. people on pain pills today than use. tobacco [ __ ] think about that that's how. crazy the pain pill business has gotten. think about all the dip all the people. that chew all the people that smoke. cigars and cigarettes all that combined. there's more people on pain bills and. it's weird because they took cigarettes.

away from baseball remember they used to. smoke in the ' 80s you could smoke in. baseball and you could dip I don't I. remember you could dip you can't dip. anymore no no nothing I mean I don't. know about professional I know you can't. dip in college but they used to smoke. cigarettes in the games in the dugouts. wow I and I only know. because sometimes I stay up late and I. watch ESPN and I'm like oh [ __ ] you. could smoke back then so you watch like. an old game and they'll show him still. smoking it was like ESPN has classics.

and it was like a classic like World. Series and I think it was Reggie Jackson. smoking in the Dugout look at him look. at that right there Keith herandez. enjoys a Dugout cigarette what year is. that from Jamie it says 19 something. 8787 1987 game yeah they used to smoke. cigarettes and then spit they were. always chewing and spitting and now. they're popping pills and getting. concussions well they definitely are. popping pills apparently that's another. big problem Aderall is a big problem. with h baseball because it helps them.

focus and concentrate on hitting the. ball better that's just [ __ ] crazy to. me how they prescribe you speed to get. smarter yeah well it accelerates well. for apparently when who's is that is. that me that's not me did I ding. somebody ding um when you uh when you. have. ADD which is real debatable whether or. not that shit's real or how many people. actually I mean is it just people with. energy is it just people who are bored. they don't want to concentrate on. whatever the [ __ ] you want them to.

concentrate on I mean I don't know I. don't not exactly know what add really. is cuz I think it's severely over. overprescribed by everyone's measures. but when you have it when you give them. speed it helps them calm down somehow or. another I don't get it yeah. that's it must be like a a focus speed. they give or like a special something. they found in there because and back in. my days when I did speed I couldn't. focus on [ __ ].

maybe that's because you don't have it. though cuz you don't have ADD whatever. that means but if add doesn't exist and. it's maybe it's just something that. makes everybody Focus well I think add. most likely is just there's a bunch of. behaviors there's a bunch of like. different ways people behave and there's. a bunch of ways their mind works and. some people they like to stay calm and. focus on one thing and they like peace. and quiet and other people are scattered. as [ __ ] and they're thinking about a. million different different things and.

they can't concentrate speed apparently. for those people helps them concentrate. but the question is like if someone is. like I had a nextdoor neighbor and uh. this nextdoor neighbor his kid was just. a regular [ __ ] kid and they put the. kid on Prozac oh it was really weird man. they were like oh he can't concentrate. he's he's just he's all over the place. so we you know we put him on and I I. couldn't even talk to the dude I was. just like this is crazy you're. medicating a he's like an eight or. nine-year-old kid he's just a [ __ ]. kid most kids when they go to school.

they don't want to pay attention to. whatever the [ __ ] the teacher's talking. about no I I would have got I would have. got prescribed or was that what that. [ __ ] called diagnosed I would have got. diagnosed as kindergarten yeah I think I. would have too for sure if I had that. guy for a dad he definitely would have. put me on some. medication yeah it's weird I remember. the first time I heard of add like I. thought it was a gang and I was like do. we do we get along with those. fools they were like no F it's a. focusing [ __ ] and I was just like oh oh.

what the hell a focusing [ __ ] yeah so. the kind of speed that you would sell. these people out here like what kind of. speed was that uh back then it used to. be called Crank you remember crank I do. remember crank what is crank what is. that I don't know I think crank is just. like the best part of the strict n. because it's made out of stri I am I. right the best part of poison yeah and. we used to sell a peanut butter one it. was a peanut butter one it was it was. weird because like back in those days. speed had a taste that was just like.

awful it was like rotten uh Cactus. Cooler that's what it tasted like like a. rotten Cactus. Cooler you ever left the Cactus Cooler. out that's. oh yeah and so it's it was made with a. peanut butter taste it was weird yeah I. mean I don't remember who we were. getting it from I just remember the guy. going cuz we used to hit it out of a. bong so it was we were. crazy and I'd be like [ __ ] this [ __ ]. tastes like peanut.

butter so yeah I started focusing on. peanut butter sandwiches you focused. that's so bizarre so when when you would. do that back then um you would have to. like how how do you get into the speed. business like you'd have to find. somebody who's cooking it oh yeah I mean. yeah it was weird because uh I'm like. what 20 years old I just left my lady. for being a tweaker like a crazy one and. then it just got me involved to be like. no [ __ ] this I need to make money I need.

to make money and my buddies go ahead so. I'm I was going to say so she was a. crazy tweaker she was Hardcore like. still to this day she still alive still. dude she has seven kids from six guys oh. good kid and she's that kind of girl. that's just pretty where a guy will be. like I'll pay for whatever you want and. she's with it wow I'm just happy I was. the first one and I got. out man man that's a weird one right but. people that are on speed I hung out with.

a dude recently that was on speed he. didn't want to admit he was on speed but. you could tell because he would do. things like he would say we talking and. he turn like real quick and then he like. kind of collect himself and turn real. quick and like why and we were me and a. couple of my buddies were like why is he. moving so fast and then trying to calm. himself down and like he he was driving. us and when he was driving he would make. like these quick turns and then correct. you see him like trying to calm himself. I'm like this guy's on [ __ ] speed man. what's going on is he he made a move and. then he looked at you to' be like [ __ ].

does he know I'm on it okay weather. myself cal cal cal cal cal I mean I. would look at the way he was turning it. was like he heard a loud noise like yeah. like for everything he did he was like. well your senses are up your senses are. up you're alert to anything and. everything it's up I mean Hitler gave it. to his uh troops right yeah yeah they. say he invented it I don't know if. that's true um I think it was invented. during that time I don't think it was. hit I think Hitler was in the lab I've. got it.

the red to rules the world that's why. his mustache is so little he's off I. gotta keep this mustache tight tight and. clean no I think uh they invented it. during that era and uh I know they gave. it to the comicazi too that's how they. got the comic conas to fly those planes. into battleships they were just jacked. up on meth that's [ __ ] crazy yeah. well meth speed you know all that stuff. is just just those accelerants any of. those things that just they [ __ ] with. you your judgment I remember there was.

this uh I believe it was GQ I was. reading this article about this guy who. was a lawyer and he was this real. successful lawyer and he got involved. somehow or another with uh a client that. was a meth dealer and so then all of a. sudden he starts getting into the meth. business oh wow he just realized there's. a lot of [ __ ] money in this yes and I. guess he started doing math and then he. started selling math and then one of the. things they say is when you do a lot of. meth you start making like really poor. judgment calls like this fine this is.

fine this is going to work so he started. uh stockpiling meth in his [ __ ]. basement like just would stank in like. his you open the door to his basement. like what the [ __ ] is down there just. big paint buckets filled with meth. everywhere and that that can burn your. body It'll like Jack you up if you put. it on your skin it'll burn through. within an hour really yeah that's why. those guys have those they touch it when. they cut it up and then they touch their. face that's how they get those holes in. their face I thought they started.

itching like they would start scratching. themselves right no it's the touch and. then the touch becomes the crater of the. pimple then they they start picking at. that yeah I had a buddy he'd walk around. with like Band-Aids everywhere oh man I. was like [ __ ] dude you need to. chill so this girl was all hopped up on. crank yeah the girl when you were 20 yep. and then but but back then I I belonged. to a gang and like every Gang has their. hustle some gangs sell whack some gang. sell weed some gang sell guns ours was.

speed that was our hustle somebody was. [ __ ] somebody that could have got it. and we got it wow yeah but it was it was. weird cuz this is like 1998 so we're I. remember we drove like a you remember. when the the Thunderbird the Ford car. was cool yeah the new one right but it. was in 1998 yeah I remember we had one. we were just like yeah those do [ __ ]. from the. 818 and yeah it was [ __ ] fun you know.

what's weird about speed is when I was. in prison you could tell that these. people are still Tweakers because you. know how you light a lighter your thumb. goes down and then when you hit the pipe. you spin your finger in this way so. that's how you're hitting a speed pipe. cuz you're spinning it and I used to. play handball with this guy and he would. do it every [ __ ] time he would just. spin this hand and like light the. lighter oh he would like make the. movements with his fingers while he's. playing hand I'm like hey dog you do. like we call it bomb hey you do bomb. he's like wow got some I haven't done it.

in two years I was like. [ __ ] I used to make fun of him like Hey. don't hit the pipe serve the. ball so for two years later he's still. making those motions it's your body. craves it you can see it in people their. body is just like I need that motion you. notice when you see people doing the. spinning with the lighter they're. Tweakers wow that's like something I. discovered you noticed it yeah pattern. recognition yeah thank you yeah well. it's amazing that two years after out he. was still wanting it no in prison yeah I.

mean me two years out of away from it. yeah oh feing it wow feing couldn't wait. oh see that's a guy that just can't get. it it's not like he's like gotten sober. he just can't get it yeah there's a lot. of those guys I mean like there's a lot. of people that when they go to prison. they're not druggies because to be a. drugie in prison is to be looked frowned. upon so you're a man in there and when. you're in there you're like [ __ ] that. I'm going to work out I'm going to be. strong and then when you get out it's. temptation you're goodlooking you're.

healthy again you're getting it that's. that's the weird part of prison so most. of the guys so when when a guy's a. junkie and he goes into prison do they. try to clean up or they try to get it. well you have to clean up because if you. don't clean up they're going to call you. a jcat a jcat is like equivalent of a. bum but in prison if you're a jcat. you're you're going to get picked on. people are going to laugh at you you. don't want to like you want to be clean. and healthy really yes that's. interesting because that's like contrary.

to what a lot of people would think. about prison they would think you know. you go to prison you gave up hope and. now you just let yourself go and I mean. that's what you think cuz you're out. there but when you're in there you. notice people look at you and you want. people to like I used to look at fulls. on drugs and be like look at this. [ __ ] dude all right yeah here's a. soap I know you don't got money because. you're wasting it on everything here's a. soup I wanted to be that guy that was. just oh look it you know homie's clean. he takes care of himself he's a man of. his word and and that's what people want.

is when you get out it's there is that. like one of the bigger misconceptions. about prison like when you talk to. people that haven't been to prison and. don't know anything about prison what do. you think like the big misconceptions. the big misconception is uh do you get. [ __ ] in the ass do you get raped. that's the big one right yeah and I'm. like that [ __ ] is not even allowed like. you'll get killed for that [ __ ] cuz. everyone's watching Gangland and they're. watching um what's that lockup MSNBC. yeah and those are only protective. custody of yards they're never. interviewing a real prison yard where.

the. shit's rules are rules that's it you. don't make them you don't break them you. follow them so like when you see that. you ever watch that I think it was. locked up that they had that dude was. the booty Bandit you ever see that one. and I was like I was watching that I was. like how much of that guy is like just. making [ __ ] up yeah like there were. stories they used to make up this guy. used to tell me hey dog back in the days. there was this black guy in corkran and. if you [ __ ] up the guards would throw.

you in his cell and they used to call. him purple passion and they said he used. to rip fools apart and I was like what. the [ __ ] in my head I was like I will. I'll bite him I'll do whatever like no. you're no yeah and that's and the other. thing is is um that we work all day and. we break rocks and [ __ ] that's no like. let me give you a say me in your aelies. and uh usually have a job that job gives.

you 13 to 38 cents an hour I was a. butcher so I had the highest paying job. you would you would have been a butcher. too so we would get up at 4:00 take a. shower clean our room clean our cell. we'd go to. work come back then eat with our. people go to. yard [ __ ] around for a little bit try to. find a cigarette or. something go back to yard and then Boom. come back to the cell and like that's it.

it's like it's like a program another. life there's I took college courses in. there uh I was a janitor I was it's. [ __ ] crazy I can just sit back and be. like [ __ ] man sometimes I miss it I'm. just like I wish I was on the yard. working out with these guys and playing. basketball cuz the codery of like oh it. was just awesome that's so crazy so it. was fun sometimes [ __ ] yeah really [ __ ]. yeah it was fun until like 12 o'clock.

hit or 9 o'clock hit and I'm like [ __ ] I. want to go do a spot give me the [ __ ]. out of here right and then I'm just like. I can't go home I can't go home I can't. go home and then my last prison there. was a park like 50 yards away from us. and you're just looking at the window. like [ __ ] I want to go play Pat wow yeah. yeah so there was moments that was fun. but ultimately the the big thing is the. lack of Freedom you can you can have fun. while you're there but you you can't. choose what you can do yeah yeah lack of.

freedom and then you know prison cops. are completely different from cops on. the street they're called correction. officers and in there there's a respect. like when they see you hey good morning. how you doing today everybody gets a. good morning and if you know if you're. [ __ ] up his program to make him go. out of his way it's your. fault but if he wants to be testy then. you got to do what you got to do if he. wants to be testy like how like you know.

there's these cops that go in there and. they they've had a problem you know I I. could see why racism exist in prison. because maybe there's this cop that came. from solidad and now he's going to. another prison and the only reason he. left solidad is because all the Mexicans. jumped his ass so he's going to have a. little. like all right [ __ ] you got me. over there yeah it's weird they transfer. them like that and then like if you. don't jump in I've seen cops talk [ __ ]. on other cops like oh [ __ ] that fool. there was a ride he didn't do [ __ ] oh.

really so it's a lot like prisoners in. some way yeah they are too because. they're there 18 hours a day or 12 I. mean they just get to go home they do. that long a shift yeah it's a 12-h hour. shift why they do such a long shift. that's their Union they get a lot of. hours but they only work four days a. week oh okay that's probably better I'd. probably rather work 12 hours a day four. days a week than eight hours a day yeah. five days have that whole extra day to. do do whatever the [ __ ] you want to do.

cuz your day I feel like your day is. kind of wrecked anyway when you work. eight hours it's hard to get anything in. yeah I used to be a construction worker. before this and I hated that [ __ ] before. comedy yeah yeah I did uh construction. when I was a kid my my stepfather Was An. Architect so I got a lot of jobs on uh. construction sites and I just remember. being exhausted that the thing that I. remember most was it like residential or. housing tracks most of it was. residential but occasionally we do like. we did a nights at Columbus Hall that. was I was working with my friend Jimmy.

and his uh his boss it was a different. construction company but that was the. hardest job I ever had in my life cuz. all I did the whole summer was uh I only. I only survived for a couple weeks I. quit I was like F I can't do this. anymore I was carrying cement bags and. pressure treated lumber all day [ __ ] I. was 19 I remember I remember thinking it. was so motivating cuz I was thinking. like this is not going to work like I. can't do this for my life like there's I. had no I was 19 you're at the peak of. your energy you know yeah and I was and.

it was in the summer so it was hot you. know it was Boston so it was muggy you. know were you bald no you didn't have a. shaved head or nothing oh no not back. then okay cuz the Sun beats your ass oh. yeah yeah I had a beautiful head of hair. back then oh it was lovely but um all. day carrying bags of cement and pressure. treated lumber which is heavy as [ __ ] so. and then you get these splinters in your. hand they get all infected cuz the. pressure treated lumber has some sort of. chemicals in it yeah it has like a. something so the bo doesn't Bend because. the board bends with the sun yeah it was.

brutal but I remember thinking this is a. good lesson cuz now cuz I used to think. I'll just get a good job work all day. and then after work I'll do whatever the. [ __ ] I want to do but I remember. thinking nope that's not going to work. you're not going to have any [ __ ]. energy you're not going to have any. energy yeah I used to be a cement. finisher that was some [ __ ] we used to. do curb and gutter but we do it out of a. machine have you ever seen those curb. machines yeah it was a gomeco I remember. at 1500 we used to pour 40 [ __ ]. trucks a day whoa and I used to like it.

was weird like my boss would look at me. like if I was like a Mexican that he. didn't know I was a citizen so I'd be. like hey dog we're pouring 40 trucks and. they're pouring 20 why are they making. as much money as. us and he'd be like let's go back over. there get out of. here I'll be like hey I'm a [ __ ]. citizen dog my name starts with a g like. come on and we were Union so it was yeah. I got out of it yeah that's the thing. about California in general that a lot. of people don't. realize the massive amount of illegal.

aliens that's why I always laugh when. they when they say well there's you know. 18 million people in the Greater Los. Angeles area I'm like plus Mexicans try. to try to do the calculation you don't. know what that number is nobody knows. it's a total guess that would be like. the guess of guesses yeah how the [ __ ]. could they know that should be the. lottery if you can guess how many. illegal immigrants are in you win the. lottery yeah you get a doll for. everyone that would be insane yeah this.

is probably I don't know I mean I would. get I would just guess it would be. Millions right have to be this and. that's just Mexicans you're missing. Russians alans Chans yeah Canadians lot. of illegal Canadians cuz they blend. right the [ __ ] in till they say about. you have no idea and they're like a boat. and they're like what we got one we. found. them how long were you in prison for I. did 3 years. uh 2 years 11 months so they just say.

three tell me the story about it cuz you. were telling me at The Comedy Store it's. kind of a [ __ ] up story yeah so uh you. know before I was a comedian I was a. gangster and I did construction and then. uh I used to play sports a l i was real. good in basketball and I was playing at. the park and you know basketball is a. sport that's very physical you know when. you back someone in at the park there's. no ref and right so this Fool's backing. me in and trying to muscle me so I'm. like all right I go around him and I. steal the ball he's foul I'm like all. right here you go take it so now me and.

him get physical and he elbows me and I. I had to check myself. like hold up like you're in my this is. how I used to think back then Joe I'm. like you're in my city I got jumped into. my gang at this park how am I going to. let you elbow me so I socked them and we. went at it and I beat his ass bad like. you ever fight someone that like they. don't.

stop you know what I mean like I I mean. I'm sorry like a lot of people look at. me they're like no I've never had that. problem I'm like this guy wanted to kick. my ass but I like I didn't want to hurt. him so I just drop them and I throw them. to the floor need a mug Jamie yeah man. there's uh there's some people that. won't [ __ ] quit even if you're. beating their ass yeah so those people. are dangerous [ __ ] yeah so I this is the. funny part is I left him like I beat his. ass and ran to my. car I was like I need to go so I get on.

my. car I get to my car and I take off all. right cool I I I become a comedian maybe. like a year and a half later I become a. comic trying you know what I mean like. you know everyone says oh I'm a comic. I've gone up four or five times like you. know I'm trying to be a. comic and uh I get the I get a good. break Jeff Garcia good guy man picks me. up he goes hey you're my new her I'm. like [ __ ] all right so it's like four.

months in the comedy and I'm doing the. Improv not even knowing I'm just like. talking to the crowd what's going on. like I'm probably like the best trollo. salesman making people laugh that's all. I'm doing no I don't even know jokes yet. I'm trying. them then I get jokes and then uh I'm. good at roasting and MTV your mama comes. out and I get picked up for that show. and I win my first. episode [ __ ] guy that I beat up sees. me on TV. and he's like oh [ __ ] cash money this.

fool gots money so this is the crazy. part is a lot of people say oh there's. statue of limitations and all that since. it's a John do crime it doesn't have it. if you don't know who beat you up you. don't have a limit of restrictions so. until they find out who beat you up then. the statute of limitations kicks in I. don't even know that's how horrible my. lawyer. was well wow that seems crazy so if you. beat somebody up 50 years ago and they.

just found out your name they could they. could still sue you or take you to jail. I don't yeah I mean I think it's I don't. know probably like five so what year is. this when this is all going on 2004 2000. no this is 2002. 2003 because I fought it for two years. CU my brother bailed me out I was still. filming MTV wow so my brother baells me. out he's like all right check this out I. got me a lawyer and all the crap. oh [ __ ] I remember just going to court.

dude just that whole like what the hell. is going on I stopped like I'm. not they offered me eight years they're. like look it take eight years because he. has a great bily injury this guy that I. beat up he has a metal plate and he's. all [ __ ] up and they're like take. eight years and I was like a metal plate. in his cheek yeah right here orbital. fracture yeah oh [ __ ] I see a lot of. those okay yeah I mean I mean I caught. him good yeah like I think I caught him.

like just perfect punch yeah well all. this stuff around the eyes breaks pretty. easy all this stuff okay orbital stuff. it's super common in MMA especially oh. okay it was weird because they were. trying to say I Ed the weapon they're. like there's no way you could have done. that and I was like I that's crazy yeah. I was like I didn't use a weapon. so I bail out I'm doing a comic um being. a dad I think I'm going to win this case. that's the funny part cuz I was like. dude nobody was there nobody seen me but.

then I fig did you admit that you beat. him up no see I couldn't even take the. stand because I already knew if I take. the stand that makes me look like a. snitch and I'm not going to go into. prison so if you take the stand and talk. about the fight it makes you look like a. snitch yeah because you're like he. started it he did it it's just the you. know it's the politics of I had to. accept the fact where I was coming from. and it was the punishment that was like. when I start realizing in my head like. all right dog you chose this now you.

have to accept this you're not going to. be one of those guys that says oh rats. him out and you get away with it no so I. didn't take the stand and I lost wow. well if you did take the stand what. could you possibly have said you you I. think I would have incriminated. myself because I I mean in my head I. remember. like [ __ ] you've never been to court so. when you go to court like they assign a. jury and when you go they give you like. a lunch break and you go eat my stupid.

ass went and ate like where the jury was. eating and I could tell the way they. were looking at me because I'm in a suit. when I go to Burger King I take my suit. off I'm like [ __ ] this I'm all tatted up. and they're like look at this guy right. like they just threw judgment on me and. I remember my brother telling me you. look like you had no remorse you were in. there laughing in court and I was just. like [ __ ] I didn't know I didn't know. you know what I mean like [ __ ]. it yeah it's cool cases I would imagine. would be so difficult too because no one.

wants to do [ __ ] jury duty like got. my friend Andreas Antonopoulos who was. here the other day was talking about how. he got out of jury duty by just. explaining how much he knows about the. judicial system and how corrupt he. thinks it is and how [ __ ] up he thinks. it is and they were like get out of here. yeah just kicked him out nobody wants to. do jury duty especially if you like your. job and you do something that you enjoy. now you're going to spend eight hours a. day you know trying to deliberate and. figure out you people make such quick. judgments I think it's a terrible way to.

decide whether or not someone's guilty. or innocent yeah you're exactly right. and it's weird because like the jury. like I think they wanted it it was a. weird it was like a ex cop and I was. like why did you let this ex cop get on. the panel I'm already guilty because of. my look right right you know it's like. imagine if these cops that are shooting. people the whole panel's. prisoners yeah that would be hilarious. you know what I mean yeah good luck. so yeah so all right Joe check this out.

so now I'm out I think I'm going to win. it boom Joey Diaz calls me up hey we're. gonna do Showtime Paso Comedy SLAM I was. like what the [ __ ] he gets me on Paso. Comedy SLAM so I I get on. Showtime. uh I did uh Comedy Central I did like a. sketch comedy and then I go to court. boom I. lose and you usually when you lose they. let you go home all right you know I'll.

come back but since I was a high-risk. inmate now they took me right there like. from court in a suit straight to the. holding tank oh yeah that was a. shock ooh and my Showtime hasn't even. come out yet I haven't even seen this. thing so it's like everything I worked. for got. took that's why I looked at it at that. time I won't forget that day I walked. down there I had his [ __ ] suit on I. remember everybody looking at me like. damn this Fool's a baller I was like no.

dog I just lost my case I wasn't on the. street and then from there you go to the. county because now they got to give you. a sentencing a judge has to come up with. the. sentence are you kind of familiar with. this. so a month in the county jail a riot. breaks. out now I have to involve myself I know. where I'm at I know what's going on so. now they put me in the hole and I got to. go to court to get sentenced so you have.

to involve yourself mean you have to. pick a side you have to fight yeah. what's the what's the right about uh I. don't know I just seen my people. fighting other people and you just you. don't ask questions there's no questions. to be asked and let me and let me give. you a picture of what's going on it's a. it's like a. huge [ __ ] it's kind of like. uh it's on MSNBC where they got all the. cells on top and on the bottom mhm and. then there's like a big we call it the.

bubble where the police are it's a big. bubble and uh there was a riot happening. like all on the whole other side so we. had to run down there and then they come. in and they shoot you with uh paintball. guns but they have like peppermint not. peppermint pepper spraying them they're. shooting you with paintball guns pepper. spray block guns rubber band all that. shit's flying off in there and you're. trying to run back to your bunk the only. way to get out of a riot is to show they. look at everybody's hand hands and they. say hey no your hands are marked your.

any Mark you have you're going to the. hole so if you marked on your hands it. indicate that you punch somebody yes you. even if you got punched got to throw. elbows yeah you don't I don't you don't. do that in there no it gets crazy man. like some people will throw hot water on. you o yeah it's it's all out for every. but this is just a county and did you. ever find out what the riot was about no. I didn't you don't you don't ask. questions cuz wow Yeah the more. questions you ask the more like people.

want to oh you want to find out who did. all right Mr investigator come on we got. something for. you so I just I stay quiet no all right. and if yeah I was just like hey I was. there cool cool so you just knew what. what you had to do you knew what your. role had to be in order to stay safe. yeah dude I've heard other stories from. like other inmates that they're like. yeah dog I went to Chino and there was a. riot going on and I told my myself [ __ ]. if I don't get in this I'm going to have.

to pay he's like I just ran and I jumped. into it and he got stabbed wow yeah but. he goes hey dog I got my stripes I was. like. wow yeah what is a stripe what do you. mean by Stripes well Stripes is kind of. like a saying like you know this homie's. down this guy's down every I don't know. how other races do it but like you know. it's like hey I I've been with this full. in a yard he he's down for his you know. cuz you want to be by someone that. you're in there to protect your life.

right so you want to be with people like. that you know what I mean I mean you're. trying to go home and better yourself. but at the end of the day nah so in a. lot of ways like with a riot you want. someone that's like a soldier you want a. so a soldier you don't want a soldier. going uh asking the sergeant hey. Sergeant what is the plan why are we. doing this do we know who these people. are what do they do to us is this right. no HR you know you want sir yes sir.

that's what you want you want someone. who's just going to go yeah but in there. it's it's just you know any little. disrespect can trigger and start. anything and you just have to follow. suit like if you're my S and the cop. pushes or punches you I have to jump in. for you no matter even if I'm going home. that [ __ ] day oh or the next day it. goes down you have to it's just what it. is so the riot breaks out you get. involved in Riot you get thrown in the. hole and then what happens I'm in the. hole D the hole is [ __ ] horrible I.

get staff on my [ __ ] ass on the side. because they only gave me one bar of. soap and I was in there for like 28. days and then I remember I was cleaning. my toilet with it in my room with the. soap and then I ran out so I was just. taking showers with water and then I. noticed I had like an ingrown hair on. the side and it just got infected so. that's how it starts yeah foliculitis. yeah and it's crazy because there's a. little there's a little button you can. push like if you're dying and I had like.

a Fu I had a fever and I remember pushed. the button I told the guard hey. man I I know it's night shift and I. don't want to bug you cuz man but my I. didn't say that my ass is. bleeding but I was like cuz you have to. I was like Hey the sight of my ass is. bleeding so you're going to need to call. a vet or not a vet you're G to need to. call like somebody and he's just like. stop playing games I'm like and they. have cameras in there and I was like. look so I showed them and then they come.

in and you you got to put your arms in. there because they're it could be a. plant uh I don't know they're scary for. their life so he handcuffs me and then. that gets taken care of and then I go to. what's that. court and I get senten to three years so. do you think it would have been less if. it wasn't for the riot no the the the. riot was it was cool because at that. time when it was going on there was. riots breaking out everywhere and my. lawyer was like. listen your honor he was only in a.

rightor to protect his life you know how. you don't know what's going on in there. and the judge was cool and then a lot of. my family and friends re wrote letters. for me telling the judge hey man this. guy changed his life he's got the best. peanut butter M you can get your hands. on so yeah let him out to hook you up. yeah oh yeah so you know cuz a a gbi. it's a great bodily injury that's a a.

felony that carries a threeyear like on. top of your time it's like supposed to. and he goes I'm goingon to strike that. down and I was just like oh my God and. in my head I'm thinking oh you only do. halftime so I'm gonna get out year and a. half cuz he even told me you're doing. good guy but somebody got hurt and I was. like all right so. boom I hit Wasco wasco's a reception. yard where like if you're from Orange.

County La. Bakersfield and I think some part of. Riverside they send you to that yard for. reception it's where you for 90 days. you're on lockdown 23-h hour lockdown. and you only get like an hour of day. room and they're evaluating you to see. how you act with other inmates where are. they going to put you they're going to. put you on a level four yard a level. three yard a level two yard. yeah you know what a level four level.

three to is no give me the difference a. level four yard is for people that um. have a lot of points like violent crime. like oh he's in here for carjacking. kidnapping on and all that you're going. on a level four yard you're going to be. on a 23-h hour lockdown and you're there. with Killers lifers people doing 10 to. 15 to 20 years a level three yard is the. same thing but you're programming you're. get you know it goes down though it goes. down but it's chill then there's a level. two yard where it's like all right this.

guy got three years left you know we're. try to get him an outside job a little. more money and then a level one yard is. like you can walk around in sandals I've. heard I've never been on that I heard. you could walk around like in sandals. there's a microwave in the day room. there's a ice machine so what is that. for like white collar crime no a level. one yard would be. like this guy's been lock fcked up for. 10 years on drugs he's going home he's.

done all nine years one year left put. him in a l one yard cuz he's proed he. can program as long as you're not like. causing. problems the point system makes you drop. I think it's from 1 to 17 is level one. yard and 17 to 32 is a level two yard. and then 32 to 40 something or is a. level three then it goes four and up up. to life yeah like I I knew buddies that. were like HEI dog how many points you. got I go I'm lucky I'm going to like I.

was they set me to a level two yard. after I was on a three yard and he was. like oh my God like these inmates. treated like you're going to a level two. oh my. God cuz they're like you're gonna you. can have a TV in your cell it's like. it's yeah it's like a heaven wow yeah. the food's better. oh man so much [ __ ] about prison I Miss. food now and there you miss food in.

prison yeah what kind of food did you. get in prison we used to make food. spreads and like I worked in the butcher. shop so I would sneak meat in my socks. I'd wrap it up in like like Saran Wrap. and I'd put it in my boots and this boot. I had big old fireman boots and I would. uh fit two like two sandwiches in each. Boot and that's like eight bucks in. prison that's [ __ ] that's money. especially if you're making 38 cents an. hour right yeah so we'd bring it back. this time I'm living in a dorm 100 man.

dorm and we would bring it back and me. and all my friends my people we'd cut it. up everyone would have a job like all. right dog I don't got nothing to pitch. in but I'll prepare the food and I'll. I'll clean all the dishes when we're. done all right cool everybody would. contribute and then we'd make like our. bunk is. equivalent from here to that chair and. we would eat on a bunk we put like a big. piece of paper and we would just it'd be. cup of noodles. Doritos slim gems.

cheese. um what's that [ __ ] pork grinds beans. rice cornnuts anything that we had and. we would just mix it in that's dinner. and did anybody ever like uh the like. the prison guards ever come by and get. you get in trouble for this or check in. on you no that's routine they know what. we're doing so they don't have a problem. with it all no they don't as long as. what I noticed in prison they just don't. want no one to overdose or.

fight I remember yeah I remember this. one guy like we're not allowed to talk. to guards I could hear them talking to. each other this one guy goes man I hate. my job I'm the [ __ ] most overpriced. babysitter in the world all I have to do. is make sure these guys don't kill each. other and they're in here for killing. each. other [ __ ] yeah so yeah it's pretty. crazy and what did you cook it on oh. that that's good idea I mean good.

question so uh we get this thing called. a stinger like there's so many brilliant. like inventions people make in prison. this guy would get a cord from the radio. cut it in half get a metal piece and. connect like some he'd make like this. thing and then he'd plug it into the. wall and drop it into like a 5 gallon. water bucket like those buckets and then. we put all the food in a plastic bag so. the water wouldn't hit it but it would. steam cook it that's how we would cook.

whoa yeah there was even bisas that can. make grills like cuz there's a metal. shop in there like you work metal. like us as prisoners like the prison. doesn't call Plumbing to fix the prison. we have our own Plumbing Crews like. inmates are plumbers inmates are. everything so we learn to fix all this. stuff and you. know when it's there you're like Dam Dam. I want to make a grilled cheese sandwich.

so where we were at they had those old. heaters that are metal and you'd get. your bread and you put it in the brown. bag and you put it in there and 20. minutes later it melted and it it's a. grilled cheese wow what is the fine art. of cooking in prison what is this jamy I. was trying to find the Stinger I found a. couple pictures but this is a better. picture of yeah okay so he's got got. wires attached to toenail clippers oh. yeah that's another way too and the. toenail clippers get get hot electrified. and they boil the the ramen noodles the.

the Stinger is the one on the far left. that one right there you see how it's in. there and see that's how we did it but. we did it with a five gallon wow yeah. there was this guy that could he would. put La low is a dressing right sauce. yeah he would like a spice right yeah he. would get the spice and he would put. water in it and he would plug it into. the [ __ ] wall for somehow and this. little ring like a a a spring would.

light up like and that's how youed to. light a cigarettes he's. like whoa yeah and I'd be like this fool. made a. lighter well they make their own tattoo. guns too right yeah that's all my. tattoos uh 80% of my tattoos are from. prison wow yeah now is that legal in. prison no no no because that's how you. get um infections I'm sure yes that's. their other big thing uh what's that. thing called. uh I don't know somebody has it but yeah.

but I love my tattoos hepatitis yeah. hepatitis is huge because everyone's. sharing needles but no one does that. really like you get your own needle and. you take care of it like I have I've. used my same needle the whole three. years I was there your same tattoo. needle yeah and did you make it yeah you. get a. uh guitar string is what they use but. that's huge like you see how this is way. thicker that's a guitar string then that.

hurt and this is more of like we use. like the wire cuz there's wire brush on. the brooms so we just take the little. things off and sharpen them up sanitize. it wow yeah and how are they using the. like how are they doing the tattoo like. what is tapping the ink in is they doing. it by hand no there's a uh you get a a. motor from a Walkman or like a walkman's. ex imprison tapes and CDs or there's no. [ __ ] downloads in there Joe you. can't but cassette.

tapes I used to have the Beasty Boys in. there I sold that I gave it to my boy. when I laugh like hey man it's it oh. it's kind of like [ __ ] being locked. up in American Pickers like old. Technologies existing hardcore in prison. wow and so Walkman if the Walkman messes. up they take the motor. out and then they make it like there. just like the shop they got a little gas. pedal like they just wire it up. wow yeah there it is exactly so what is. that that looks like an ink pen well.

it's a. pencil and then he's just that right. there is the motor in the back that's. the motor for it it's a button so the. button attaches to the motor yes and. there's a string on that so it goes up. and down so it forces the needle to go. up and down oh see here it goes Drive. pin on top of the motor turns the. spindle turning the spindle causes the. connecting pin to rotate as the back end. of the D of the drive Rod rotates with. the pin the needle moov moves backwards. and forwards. wow no and then you have to make your.

own. ink so what do you doing for ink so you. get the newspaper and you burn it in a a. brown bag and you just let it burn and. then the S the ink from the paper is. becomes ashes and you get all these. ashes and you put it in like a like this. or like a little like Advil or like a. little aspirin thing and you put two. little rocks in there or three and then. little bit of water and shake that [ __ ]. for three or 4 days and it'll become the.

ink again three or four days yeah it's a. long process so how they figure out come. on you got you got all day you got. plenty of time yeah I mean you don't do. it like for 24 hours you just come back. let it sit let it sit cuz I've had. tattoos that fall off like the the the. ink on this one it wasn't done right oh. I see and it's faded off yeah because. they didn't let it sit enough exactly. wow so all those like the stomach one. all that [ __ ] is all yeah the stomach. one I'll never forget painful huh [ __ ].

not that it was painful is uh the. gooners came in and hit the house like. the gooners yeah I I was telling you in. in prison they have a SWAT team too it's. called the gooners these are cosos that. specialize in gang any gang activity any. Riot anybody has Contraband like they. just come in and raid the whole. yard like do you know what I mean by. like like throwing mattresses everywhere. ripping [ __ ] up so I'm getting this.

tattoo on my stomach and they come. in and catch you in the middle again no. I hit it it covered my [ __ ] up my friend. he cheeked it he you see how little that. it yeah he took the uh the pin top off. and just threw it in the trash and he. put the motor up not up his ass but like. in the ass like cheeked it he put it in. a napkin and uh I was I just remember he. was like hey man I don't think I'm going. to be able to come tomorrow so do you.

want to finish. [Music]. this I was like let's go dog we just. sanitized it wow yeah we stole Lysol I. mean we didn't steal it's it's ours it's. the prisons we just we took it that was. our little thing they don't let you have. Lysol why is that cuz they worried. you're going to spray it on people or. light it on fire so it's like I think. you light Lia on fire and spray people. okay yeah but it's kind of like do you. know how much diseases and [ __ ] is in. there I would imagine quite a bit dudes.

are cheeking tattoo machines I imagine. that's not sanitary that's crazy so if. you had gotten caught like getting the. tattoo like what would happen oh so if. if you get caught now I think they give. you a 115 now. 115 can make you get good bad points so. like say I'm on a level two yard and I. get caught getting tatted they're like. hey homie you we don't want this here. that's that's for the crazier yards so. they ship you over there wow just for a.

tattoo yeah because to them you you've. hurt your. body that's hilarious yeah there's some. good tattoo artists in prison though. I've seen some great work that came out. of prison there's some bombass guys in. there yeah there's some websites that. are dedicated to Great tattoo art from. prison see if you can find some of that. but some of those guys are like legit. artists like like as good or close to it. as like Mr cartoon like that level I've. seen some like high level stuff I've. seen some yeah I mean I'm pretty sure Mr.

cartoon rumors are I don't know I won't. call it but I know artists that do their. friends are doing life in prison and. they send them patterns home look at. that yeah that is from [ __ ] jail. that's amazing and that's not when no. shop you can't Google expand none of. that damn look how good that is yeah. that's uh it's that's uh Tom Hardy right. the one on the left from Charles Bronson. from Bron yeah I love it's not Charles. Bronson right it's from Bronson the. movie Bronson yeah I love that movie it.

was about a crazy prisoner yeah he was. off I think he's from England yeah have. you seen that movie yeah a long time ago. though I hardly remember it but I. remember he's still locked up that guy. is really he's 40 years in solitary. confinement now whoa 40 4 Z that can't. be good no yeah that's not good tattoo. artist Praises Charles Bronson oh it is. Charles Bronson so Bronson the movie the. guy's name is Charles Bron a different. Charles Bron award-winning tattoo by The.

Prisoner. himself oh wait a minute Jamie that's. not a that's not a prison tattoo then. see it's saying tattoo artist praised. for Charles Bronson award-winning tattoo. by The Prisoner Charles Bronson I was. saying let me give you better code words. when you Google prison tattoos AR a r t. e de prison that dude all over his face. that seems like a weird Choice oh man I. see those all day in there yeah that's. an odd choice is that now is that dudes.

that are just doing life and they're. like [ __ ] it yeah I mean yeah I mean at. the same time man there's a lot of. people in there that are that's all they. know right you know Dad has it mom has. it everybody has it and those are. soldiers right there that's just letting. you know it's going down do not walk. this way it goes down well if you're. willing to do that to your face you. don't have a whole lot to lose yeah the. face tattoos are rough man that's a. that's a strange look. is that no because you can't get no.

color in. prison you can't no it'd be too hard to. make right unless I mean I don't know if. they sneak it in I mean they sneak in. pretty much anything right I don't think. no one's trying to sneak in tattoo ink. tattoo ink that risk maybe you would if. you knew the dude was just so [ __ ]. good like if you got if you were doing. time with a dude who was a known tattoo. artist like uhu Aaron delova is the guy. who did all my work in San Diego if I. was locked up with that dude I'd try to. sneak need some tattoo ink in I be like. man let's do hey [ __ ] the weed I about.

this ink let's go to work man let's get. some [ __ ] done oh but I mean see that. that would be his hustle in there so I'm. pretty sure if he's that good he'd come. around to get people to make it that. that's people's hustle that's all they. do yeah like for this tattoo I only paid. a pack of cup of noodles cup of noodles. yeah now is that like what like is that. what currency is in prison cigarettes. cup of noodles well cigarettes isn't. currency but it is because it's banned.

it used to be currency but it's food BN. now yeah it's food and any material. items like so you can't get any. cigarettes in prison at all it's not Ian. you can get them but it's not legal no. yeah wow so if you are a cigarette. person you smoke three packs of. cigarettes a day you go to jail sit cold. turkey that was the first time I stopped. oh yeah yeah I didn't get a cigarette. for the first 10 months wow yeah and. then I had a Sally that came from Santa. Barbara and in Santa Barbara they let.

you have cigarettes in they're. farming so homie snuck it I won't know I. don't know how he did it but probably up. his own yeah so when you're farming like. you're out there farming in Santa. Barbara then you can have cigarettes. yeah because it's an outside facility oh. okay it's not entrapped in the building. oh okay so was the idea about smoking in. the building that you don't want people. to get secondhand smoke or something. like that is that what it is I think I. mean that that's what they said uh this. is 2000 this happened in 2006.

2007 so the the laws might have changed. it was interesting because when I first. moved here in 94 you could still smoke. in bars you could smoke everywhere. everywhere had cigarettes I believe The. Comedy Store had cigarettes if I. remember correctly I believe they had. ashtrays on every table if I remember. correctly yeah yeah if I remember. correctly I know a lot of clubs I worked. at had smoking until the 2000s Dallas.

was one of the last holdouts I used to. do uh the Addison Improv and they would. still have smoking but they would have. like then they started having like an. 800 pm. non-smoking show for all the tea. toddlers but I didn't mind it you know I. know it's probably bad for you but then. I started hearing about women that would. be like waitresses in bars and they. would work there for 15 years they get. lung cancer I like oh that's that's real. you yeah that's when I was like cuz I. was against it like what the [ __ ] I. can't smoke it's America and then you're. like oh I'm [ __ ] her up all my bad.

yeah so when you went away how hard was. it to quit cigarettes was that one of. the hardest things to do ah you know you. [ __ ] I never thought of this but your. mind I mean you're looking for it you're. you're aggravated but. nah but you weren't doing this like the. tweaker spinning his fingers you weren't. like doing this thing with your people. be like what the [ __ ] he trying to do. did you go back to smoking when you got. out yeah. I had. to cuz I was smoking in there you were I.

was getting them later cuz I had that. butcher job so I was trading meat for. cigarettes all day all day like a couple. cigarettes here and there [ __ ] yeah like. how many could you get a day man I was. living like a baller Joe I smoked a. cigarette every day for at least a year. wow like a baller one cigarette one. cigarette sometimes more sometimes. moreck and that one cigarette was like. oh Here Comes yeah no it it was weird. because making me want to smoke I don't.

even smoke like I had a lighter too so. when you have a lighter you can light. other people's cigarettes so you're like. hey let me use your lighter like nah nah. n let me light that for. you here you go so yeah it was fun it. was fun stupid ass of me wow so when you. got do you smoke now still yeah I still. smoke how much you smoke I smoke about a. uh I say a pack a day but if I I have a. lot of things to do a pack and a half. wow yeah but you know what I've dropped.

everything else no more peanut butter. meth no I haven't done that in ever like. f that like I don't do nothing else and. I just I mean I smoke weed but that's. that's it's medicine and what kind. that's what I'm saying um now what kind. of like um weightlifting facilities do. they have in gyms because or in prison. cuz I've heard some prisons they're. trying to take that out they're saying. it makes prisoners more dangerous yeah. you know who took it out too was Arnold. Arnold was the one that took out sugar.

that is [ __ ] crazy yeah the. bodybuilding Champion that guy took out. the weights. yeah wow that's [ __ ] up that is [ __ ]. up yeah so like we have to improvise so. when you're in prison you have. jumpsuits and you everyone wears big. clothes so you cut the leg off your. jumpsuit and you sew the bottom and you. SE the sides and then you get the other. leg and you do the same thing and then. you fill it up with sand. now you have a heavy bag so it's. probably like 40 lb bag and then you put.

you just get a tailor guy in there if. you know how to do it you put two little. handles and now you can do curls or you. can do forward. raises like what anything water weights. I mean we it's wild how we used to work. out in there wow so when you were there. and you were working out there wasn't. any weights no there's no weights. allowed at all because you know how many. people were how much people were killing. each other with weights yeah just. imagine yeah you owe money and you're. doing put [ __ ] bench press and. someone just hit you with the 45 plate.

on the head it's a one hit but that was. always the scenes in the movies man dud. in the weight. room yeah it looked dope I wanted to do. it yeah imagine those old little benches. yeah yeah yeah but they do have them on. level one yards Fire camp now they made. it like a privilege like if you're in. Fire camp what's Fire camp fire Camp is. uh all the. inmates they uh make them go brush the.

fire for all those all these huge fires. oh okay all the inmates are like they're. fighting the fires and then they they. only do onethird of their time that's. awesome but you can't be a Violet. Offender in there so I was disqualified. from that so they do that so that you. could be more robust physically so you. can do the job better yeah and it's just. like it's a privilege they don't live in. cells they live like in a room like this. wow and they got bunks and. they have like a little weight bench. curl bar but if anything happens.

immediately took away so every race. decides nothing could ever happen here. we need this for all of us so it's like. a little like hey we need this do not. [ __ ] this up wow so what did you guys do. for entertainment when you're in there. oh [ __ ] did you do stand up in there at. all yeah I did later on that's a crazy. question no one's really ever asked me. that well that's where Joey got started. you know yeah but it was different. because in my last my last year and a. half I'm locked up in. Norco so all these guards are Mexican.

most of them are Mexican and they're. like I used to [ __ ] see you at Wild. coyote they're like I just seen you on. Showtime and they're like you're at the. Ontario Improv so you know they got. together and. uh they were like hey uh you want to do. comedy and I was just like [ __ ] I did. not want this I did not want like to be. pop popular you know what I mean like I. didn't want want to stay lowkey yeah.

then I was just like uh I don't know man. like I'm offensive I'll say something. that I'll start a riot and they're like. nah Noah Noah n all the races already. said you can say whatever you want like. they plann this [ __ ] and I was like all. right I'll do it so all the races so you. have to have like a little race meeting. [ __ ] yeah hell yeah so how does that go. down it's I don't know I wasn't involved. in it it's just so they had to like meet. with maybe the guard went up to the. white rep the black rep and all the Reps.

was like Hey man check it out you guys. we have a celebrity comedian here that's. why they pumped me up I was like. [ __ ] I can't even get a week at. the. Improv but I can get a week in prison. that's a good new one thank you so uh it. was it was oh man it was weird I was. scared as hell like no mic and they put. me in the TV room and there was like 60. straight like fools like just like come.

on dog make us laugh and like wow you. know they never heard my jokes so I did. my whole set and there it just like oh. and then I guess one of the cops this is. the weird part is all the cops left. their dorms to come watch this show and. they went back and then they told the. inmates so when I go to yard the next. day the inmates were like hey dog how. much you charge to come do a show in our. room I was like what do you mean they're. like I heard you you did comedy and. everybody said it was cool all the. racist said you were cool and I was just.

like I don't think I can go to your dorm. dude that's like against the code so the. cops would be like all right everybody. give them an item and you can go in. there and perform an item an item is. like a soup uh hot chocolate so that's. how people paid to come to your show wow. yeah and it got to the point where I did. every everyone on on r Y and I I I. assembled like a little crew I I I. taught this guy how to open for me cuz.

he was cool ass drugie from weiter he. was just he was stupid funny you taught. him how to do stand up and he knew it. but didn't know he knew it he knew it. but he never did it yeah cuz like I. remember he'd be like hey dog when I'm. on the street he has [ __ ] up teeth. he's like I I call girls and I'm like. they're like how's your body and he's. like I just smile I'm like chisel you. know I was like dog that's a setup right. there like you just and he did it and uh. the look on his face was cool man but I.

just remember he was like hey dog I'm. going to hit you up on I get out we're. going to go on the tour I'm like no no. you're a [ __ ] tweaker you. know well it's funny because people that. can make people laugh if I always tell. people like if if you can make your. friends laugh you can make people you. know laugh it's entirely possible that. you could be a comedian it's the same. thing it's just a matter of whether or. not you get these people to allow you. inside their head yeah that's really. kind of what it is right yeah the true.

comfortableness but you know some of. them wasn't like I I had a rough time a. couple like first 10 minutes cuz fools. were like I thought you were going to do. George Lopez's jokes I was like no I'm. not I'm I don't I'm not an impersonator. like like fools were pissed they're like. hey dog you didn't do any member members. or nothing like that oh that's funny. yeah so they just thought standup comedy. is kind of like music yeah yeah like you. would just go up there and do like some. hits yeah they didn't know and this is.

the crazy part is uh the warden catches. wind of this [ __ ] and I'm in a program. called sap it's substance abuse program. and I'm only in it because you qualify. for halftime if you take this program so. the warden's like hey Sacramento is. coming down here I want to show them a. rehabilitated con criminal whatever I'm. a felon whatever so I was like what are. you talking about he's like will you do. comedy in front of the program and. Sacramento but no. cursing and I was.

like I think this was the easiest deal. I've ever made I said look I'll do it if. you bring me Kentucky Fried. Chicken and soda wow Joe I was just. saying that the talk sh cuz you know how. like when I first started getting gigs. i' always call joyas hey they're they're. going to give me 700 if I go do Vel he's. like tell 2,000 dumbass and don't give. it. so so after the show he gives me two two.

lers of Coke and a [ __ ] bucket a. Kentucky white chicken oh man and he was. just like I remember walking back and. everybody was like I gave all my people. a piece and it was just like it was kind. of like uh that movie uh Shan shank. reduction when they're drinking on the. roof MH it was like the first time like. we ate outside food like I haven't had a. soda in years so everybody was like I. was just like G get down homies like. yeah it was cool wow that's [ __ ] cool.

there's something cool about. appreciating something that you you just. take for granted because you can get it. anytime you want but when you're so. restricted you get those things and it's. so good yeah no dude they loved it like. they loved it and it was cool because. like a lot of I mean dude I made friends. like there's guys I still talk to. there's like friends and it was yeah it. was awesome like how can I say that how. was prison awesome but it was like. people say that about war too man you.

know people say that about I think human. beings need a certain amount of struggle. and then when you experience that. struggle then the non struggle feels so. much better you know there's there's. moments where I I've talked about this. before but I went um hike I went um uh. hunting in uh Alaska on this island uh. Prince of Wales and it rained every day. we were there for 6 days pouring rain. drenched and hunting yeah yeah it was. the worst like as far as like getting.

wet and just being soaked and cold all. the time the one of the worst. experiences you could ever go through. because you're just it's always like 45. 50° pouring rain and you know your. sleeping bag's wet the inside of your. tent's wet everything's wet but when I. came back I remember it was sunny out. and I called my friend Steve Rella who. uh took me with him on this trip I go. dude I have never been happier in my. life like the sun is shining like what I. normally just totally take for granted. exactly I was like it's amazing I love.

it I'm like I'm driving on the street. I'm so I don't think I've ever been. happier but I was that happy because I. had gone through the struggle but nobody. wants to do that on their own you know. and when you're kind of forced into a. situation I would imagine like being in. prison then when you get that Kentucky. Fried Chicken and you get that soda. you're like wow we're we're [ __ ]. living it up right now yeah because I I. I came from a place they have this thing. it's called Uh [ __ ] I forgot what it's. called but I you have money in your. books everybody has money and they do.

like a a sell off where they'll go to. the local vs by the prison and they'll. buy you can buy sodas cookies and. pizza but nobody ever had Kentucky Fried. Chicken in that. [ __ ] like to this day that's like my I. want to put that in my in my like my bio. had Kentucky Fried [ __ ] Chicken in. prison yeah Kentucky Fried Chicken I. don't know what they do but that is some. special food they just know how to do it. those [ __ ] creeps I know Kentucky.

Fried Chicken with lukka hot sauce oh. yeah when it's cold especially God damn. it's not I know it's not good for you. folks I don't eat it a lot but it's a. it's a bad habit guilty pleasure it's so. good you know it's crazy Joe is like I'd. be scared to go hunting I trip out like. I don't know I I'd be scared like I. don't know like I would look at like if. I was going to shoot a deer I don't know. but where you from fool like I. don't I wouldn't [ __ ] know how you.

know what I mean or like I don't know. it's crazy I trip out my dad hunted and. I was like no I ain't doing that [ __ ]. I'm scared scared of what though what we. be scared of I'm scared like I'm going. to like I don't know like I'm scared. like the deer [ __ ] with me and like. there's like someone else going to come. get me from over here like I'm in their. world right I don't know it feels like. their world that's the weirdest part. about the woods when you're hunting in. the woods you lock eyes with an animal. it's like it's it's almost like a it's. almost psychedelic in some sort of a. weird way like brings you to it's like. you feel like you're in another.

dimension it's I know that sounds so. stupid when I say it even I hear it. myself but when you lock eyes with an. when you're hunting you lock eyes with. an animal the whole the world changes. it's like the whole thing you're in. their en you're in a totally different. environment an environment that doesn't. give a [ __ ] about you it doesn't care if. you live like you're used to your street. oh this is the deli that I eat at this. is where I do my laundry you know it's. all normal stuff right you you have. these patterns PS and you just see. people and you see cars and like this is. my world but then when you're in their.

world you realize like oh this is a. totally different world this is like I. went to another planet yeah [ __ ] yeah I. mean people try to give me to go camping. I'm like nah I'm cool dog oh man you'd. love it this thing about it is you get. used to it after a while and it becomes. normal and then once it becomes normal. you realize like how peaceful it is like. we're just sitting down in the grass. like like on the top of a mountain like. looking out at a valley and you go God. it's this so be like you would pay like. [ __ ] museums like go to that LA County. Museum of Art and they see these.

[ __ ] exhibits they have there. they're terrible to look at they don't. do a goddamn thing for you most of it. modern abstract art it's [ __ ]. ridiculously stupid but I challenge. anyone to go go to Colorado go to. Boulder Colorado and look at the. mountains go into the mountains and look. at some of those peaks look at the. Continental Divide it's like the most. incredible piece of art you could ever. see and it's just nature it does. something to you yeah me and redb just. got back from Denver and it was it was. cool Denver's a [ __ ] yeah I was first.

time there so I wasn't used to like I. guess somebody told me there's no water. around so like you get headaches well. it's not that there's no water it's that. you're at a very high altitude and you. dehydration comes quicker um for. whatever reason so you have to keep. yourself hydrated super important I. guess you just dry out the environment. but uh people are cool as [ __ ] and. Denver Denver is like one of the best it. was was always cool but you know Denver. for a long time the city of Denver just.

didn't have weed laws they're like. forget it we don't give a [ __ ] you smoke. weed do whatever you want to do we don't. care like it was like when I first. started working there which I don't even. know when I first started working there. it was a long time ago but I remember. the club Owners would tell you like this. city is essentially made weed. decriminalized like you don't you don't. get arrested for weed they just don't. arrest people for weed that's awesome. that was a long time ago then the state. was the first to get gangster and say. [ __ ] you federal government it's legal. so you could buy weed everywhere in.

Denver now in Colorado there are weed. stores everywhere now so because of that. the economy is booming real estate. prices I think they went up 14 or 16%. inside of two years drunk driving desk. dropped to an all-time low violent crime. dropped to an all-time low it's amazing. pills pill and opiate addiction Dro to. an all-time low yeah [ __ ] those pill. well that's what's going right now in. Arizona I don't know if you've been. paying attention but they're trying to. pass it in Arizona they're trying to. pass legal weed in Arizona and the the.

opposition has been alcohol companies. and pain pills those are the ones who. spending the most money trying to keep. weed illegal yeah my buddy grows like. legally and he told me that they. invented this new light that makes your. weed grow faster but all the tobacco. companies got together and bought all. those lights so every time this guy puts. out new lights the tobacco company buys. them all wow and I I mean I haven't. looked into it and then he goes the only.

other reason we can't make it legal here. is because every time they put the THC. and the rolling things to Mi like to put. them in cigarettes it gets too sticky. and it messes the machines up and I was. just like I never even thought of that. so just hire people to do it by hand. yeah go to Gino from LA Speed we look. that's why they have these tubes folks. see people don't understand people that. live in other barbaric parts of America. where you it's hard to get weed we get. these joints and they're exactly the. same every time look at that it's.

goddamn perfect yeah it's got a little. paper tube at the bottom the weed all. sits in the top the problem with this. stuff is like you said this is medicine. it's like medicine for life but if you. smoke it people think you're a loser. that's what tricks me out yeah they. think that you're a druggie and you're a. fool something's wrong with you [ __ ]. them [ __ ] people T of [ __ ] George. perz you know what what weird is I have. a 20-year-old son and he smokes weed and. I kind of feel like an [ __ ] cuz I'm.

like you can't smoke that [ __ ] around me. he's like why and I said just cuz like I. just always want to feel like your dad. like just give me I gave that to my dad. you got to let it go I got a 20-year-old. daughter she smokes weed nothing wrong. with it in front of you and like not. really but she's said wine in front of. me want oh yeah but he wants me like to. roll it for him and hit I'll roll it for. him I listen I don't think there's. anything wrong with it I think I'd be a. hypocrite if I said there was she's a. smart girl she knows what the [ __ ] is up. you know and when she was younger her.

mother caught her with it and there was. like this big deal I'm like [ __ ] you. smoke weed why you getting mad at her. but it's one of those things where you. feel like you're supposed to get mad at. people supposed to tell them I'm like. listen this is not bad for you but there. are drugs that are bad for you so if I. told you that this was bad for you and. you realized it wasn't bad for you first. of all I would be a massive hypocrite. cuz I have weed tattooed on my. body I'd be a massive hypocrite and plus. I knew she's on YouTube she's seen. videos I mean it's ridiculous I talk. about weed all the time but more. importantly she wouldn't trust me about.

things that are bad for you I'd be like. stay the [ __ ] away from that peanut. butter crank like that is actually bad. for you and I told her I said I we had a. nice long discussion I said I've never. done anything that's addictive other. than alcohol and I don't have whatever. genetic predisposition to get addicted. to alcohol but I've never [ __ ] with. Coke I've never [ __ ] with crank I've. never [ __ ] with heroin cuz I don't. want to ruin my life I said but there. are some drugs that they're fun as long.

as you use them in moderation I don't. think there's anything wrong with trying. mushrooms if you do it in a safe setting. I don't think there's anything wrong. with smoking a little weed I think. there's plenty of things that people. would throw under the same. classification as drugs that they're. just not bad for you man they're just. not you know you're right you're right I. just I don't know I it's just kind of. like that little it's like a little. Mexican thing it's like the machismo. like my dad was is like you don't do. that [ __ ] in front of me yeah so I'm. glad you told me that hey Georg I'm a.

blaz it with you when I get home F. George you were going to blaze it he's a. man he's 20 years old that's a man you. know my daughter's a woman she's a woman. it's just his this this thing man when. you're looking at life you know we have. classifications for people but when a a. person reaches a certain age like man. that is a that's a grown ass human being. that person could have babies of their. own they could go to war they could. start a family they could start a. business you know it's I had a kid when.

I was 18 it's crazy man yeah he's 20 now. I could have. easily we all could have right I mean. anybody who's having sex could have. easily had a kid when they were you know. whatever age you started most people. they [ __ ] up they have sex with no. condom they make. mistakes yeah that was that was some. wild [ __ ] his mom was the wild one she. was the crazy one yeah crazy does he. still keep in touch with her uh [ __ ] I. mean nah I mean he sees her once in a.

while but I've had custody of him ever. since he was 5 years old does he live. with you now he's lived with me ever. since he was five does he want to do. standup he did for a little bit but he's. more like uh I don't know like he's more. like both of my kids I wish I could have. been them cuz they they weren't I felt. like I feel like I was a follower when I. was in teenager cuz I wanted to be like. a surfer skater but I also wanted to to. be a gangster they're Surfer skaters and. they're living life like they love I.

love it dude my son lives by the beach. he surfes like oh that's awesome yeah he. works Inn out my other son does choir. like all the things I wanted to do. they're doing so that's why I'm just. like well you're real honest and you. could talk about things real honestly. and you from that they can see like. mistakes oh yes and then not have to go. through them themselves it's like I. think parents that aren't honest about. mistakes I think that do themselves a. disservice the way they raise their kids. because you your kid doesn't get to.

learn from your own fuckups you know. like I think kids need to know that. you're infallible or that you're you're. not infallible that you you make. mistakes you're just a human and that I. think I I used to do this bit but it. really does kind of apply is that when. you were little like remember when you. were little you used to think that they. were real grown-ups you used to like get. upset about something you go one day I. would to be a grown-up and everything's. going to make sense but it's never going. to make sense it's never going to make. I'm 49 years old this doesn't make sense. none of this makes sense to me [ __ ].

doesn't make sense at all it's crazy. it's I the life to this day is still so. bizarre there's no grown-ups you just. get older and then one day you realize. like oh like I just got to find out how. to be happy that's all you have to do. how to find out to be happy and create. camaraderie like create camaraderie. amongst your friends and amongst your. family and amongst the people that you. love spread as much of that as you can. like that's what this is all about. straight up just try to enjoy it as much.

as you can whatever this is enjoy it as. much as you can everything else is a. trap everything else is a trap all the. other thoughts are traps collecting the. most [ __ ] and having the biggest house. and all that and you know being the most. famous or selling the most records or. you know whatever the [ __ ] you do you. know selling the most the most million. dollar houses almost all of it's. [ __ ] yeah some people just go out on. missions man I got a brother like that I. love you but [ __ ] is great like I. think he made me how I am I got I got.

five brothers all my older brothers are. like. teachers like super successful not that. I'm not but it's just like you can tell. where it just turned with me my older. brother he was a captain of the football. team since like sixth grade this fo was. a captain played football Marshall fall. got his Masters and he's a trip he was. just so hard on like drill me all the. time dude he used to take me to the park. be like hey if that guy kicks your ass.

I'm going to kick your ass go fight and. I be like what the. [ __ ] yeah what crazy leadership oh yeah. and and he was like in leadership. programs and [ __ ] like that yeah dude. and yeah look at me now I remember I. told him I go hey man you keep pushing. you keep pushing the your son he's going. to end up just like me like chill yeah. chill my brother was just like chill. chat from Weird Science that's hilarious. but shorter than me and just super.

educated and Thug it was. weird super educated and Thug yeah like. he could kick all my friends ass yeah. [ __ ] but he was really smart too yeah. wow yeah did he ever get involved in. martial arts no no probably should have. done that that's probably would have. been his calling he probably uh could. have uh like maybe like alleviated some. of that stress that tension that he has. you know what it's weird is that he. coaches kids now and like he's so.

different like he yeah I think he. finally got his. mellow yeah well you had kids of his own. yeah beautiful little son yeah but that. it he's so competitive to this day like. I remember somebody was like hey I seen. you on Comedy Central Rose battle he was. like yeah but I graduated from. Chapman I'm like [ __ ] can I have. something that's hilarious yeah he. doesn't just want to say he did great. yeah I he tell me like I did good on. something else you know what I usually. think I used to think oh well that guy.

just [ __ ] those guys those guys are. pains in the ass it's too hard to deal. with them then I realized what those. guys are is like super winners that. never found a venue like sometimes. there's super winners like there's. certain people like I I really think in. order to be a Michael Jordan or anybody. that's like a super winner you you. almost have to be imbalanced to the. point where you you want to succeed you. want it all about you way more than the. average person and that creates a lot of. like.

relationship like uh like. a a block in the harmony because you're. you're always thinking about yourself. like I think a lot of those guys don't. find a venue they don't find a real. thing to be competitive with and but if. they did they would get all those lumps. especially with martial arts especially. with jiu-jitsu Jiu-Jitsu is a big one. man and if you can get through that you. can all those lumps you get choked out. all the time you get your ass kicked all. the time and through getting your ass. kicked all the time getting strangled.

and Tapped Out you you learn how to. control your ego better and then you. learn like what's actual success and. what is you just talking [ __ ] like how. much of this is real oh you know what I. mean you like yeah because like yeah. Jordan he was just soaring from college. all the way up but you can't do that. when you get your Jiu-Jitsu black belt. right you don't well you can still you. know you can compete you know you could. certainly I mean the guys who are the. best in the world all of them are. completely obsessed with competing and.

training and jiujitsu but I think Just. For Men sometimes it's good to have some. sort of a Avenue for aggressive behavior. just get it out of the way so you can. chill out it's called Raiders. games I really think that that's what a. lot of douchy guys are missing in their. life they're missing that outlet I agree. with you to that and some girls too cuz. girls now are just I've seen more girls. fight each other than I've seen guys. fight each other at clubs yeah I go to. YouTube I don't go to clubs I watch that.

stuff from a distance but yeah girls. beat the [ __ ] out of each other now that. they've seen all these MMA girls who. know how to beat the [ __ ] out of each. other I mean Ronda Rousey well first. Gina corano and Chris cyborg those were. the first ones like Gina corano was like. the first female Superstar but it never. got as big as it is with the UFC like. when Ronda Rousey became the first. female Superstar mixed martial artist he. became the first woman where dudes had. to look at each other and go do you. think she can kick your ass and guys be. like [ __ ] no and the other guy be like.

[ __ ] yes she'd kick your ass no she. wouldn't bro no she yeah no no no guy. she would kick your and they have these. conversations that's like literally the. first time ever yeah [ __ ] yeah I've. conversation in the fights or you know. started becoming a fighter because of. her probably a giant number [ __ ] yeah. you know I I I would love to see like. uh cha come out of prison and get into. that [ __ ] yeah. especially if she could get good she had. a good coach that's so much of it man.

yeah the coaching it's giant it's giant. say if you George Perez were a young guy. like to fight and uh you went to the. wrong place and they taught you bad. things they they taught you they had. poor habits theyve uh their patterns. like how they fight is like too. predictable they don't have a. well-rounded game or you get lucky you. could go to like farasa Hobby in. Montreal like there's a few guys a. handful of guys that are like the best. guys in the world and you meet them and. you realize like oh [ __ ] I got really. lucky I found someone with like this.

deep reservoir of martial arts knowledge. but there's only. like 20 or 30 of those guys on the. planet Earth there's such a small number. of like really good mixed martial arts. in particular instructors there's other. there's a bunch of really good uh. traditional martial arts instructors. like Jiu-Jitsu instructors a ton of. really good ones a ton uh Ty wo the same. a lot for Muay Thai but as far as like. MMA just the the full like what martial.

arts really are today is the whole thing. it's so hard to separate it's good to. separate in terms of like understanding. who's the best at each individual skill. like who's the best Jiu-Jitsu guy on the. planet it's not necessarily who the best. MMA fighter on the planet is there's a. difference and if the best MMA fighter. on the planet competed in Jiu-Jitsu. against the best Jiu-Jitsu guys they'd. probably lose and if the best Jiu-Jitsu. guy competed against the MMA fighter in. MMA they would most likely lose so it's. it's a real it's a balance you have to.

get as well right yeah it's a it's a. balance and to put that balance together. there's a handful of people on the. planet [ __ ] yeah it's a it's a so if you. know a young guy wanted to become a. martial artist like it's so important of. find a good school it's everything it's. everything you could find someone who's. a knucklehead that just likes teaching. you know they like hearing their own. voice and they they you know they have. their own system they act like an. [ __ ] they act like a tough guy you. could run into one of those like we.

played a video on here a couple weeks. back of uh this I guess it was from the. 80s this karate instructor they took. this homeless guy off the street and. they they beat the [ __ ] out of him on. this video stomp stomp his head while. it's on the ground I mean is Hardcore. super hard to watch but if you're a kid. you could stumble in that guy's gym or. you could stumble into AMC pancre in in. Washington state with Matt hum like one. of those small handful of guys the best. in the world you can get lucky or you. could [ __ ] up [ __ ] comedy's like that.

too hell yeah hell yeah [ __ ] yeah I've. had to break so many bad habits yeah oh. well if you start off in the wrong spot. around the wrong people you think that's. what comedy is well you can get lucky. you know you can get lucky and be uh in. New York City you know you could be. lucky and be you know at the cellar and. at the stand and walking around seeing. all these Comics just banging it out and. constantly writing and developing new. material or you could [ __ ] up and you. could be born in you know some weird.

midwest state that doesn't have a comedy. scene you got to figure out how to. [ __ ] get on stage. somewhere yeah [ __ ] that yeah man if. you're stuck somewhere that doesn't have. a comedy scene and you want to try. comedy moving is [ __ ] hard man yeah. dude I live in Orange County and people. are like hey why don't you move to. Hollywood I'm like dude I still like I'm. close to you like I don't have to be. there but so happy that I'm [ __ ] from. Orange County yeah cuzz I can go to. Ontario San Diego all these other clubs. that'll take you guys 3 hours it only.

takes me an hour either way yeah so [ __ ]. yeah I got. lucky well this whole area is a great. but contrary to what people would think. is a great place to start and there's. also because the comedy store has so. many Comics that went from being like. door people to being Headliners like. everybody who's a comic at the comedy. store is a comic you know there's like a. group of all of us and we're all in the. mix together from the guys who are still.

I mean I had one of the door guys on the. podcast before I think that when when. you do standup comedy you do standup. comedy you know and I think that. anything else like looking at it in any. other way is uh is kind of it's it's. it's kind of shortsighted you know we're. all in this weird thing together in some. weird way no I hear you like when I. first started I didn't even it was. forbidden to go to the store like that's. why like I was told oh dude they don't. take Mexicans there and I like oh who.

told you that I I don't remember like. what year was this it's like 2002 2001. that's hilarious yeah and I was like all. right and then like I that's somebody. making [ __ ] up yeah then I meet like. Luke Tores and Johnny Sanchez and. they're like hey we go go St the time I. was like what the [ __ ] so yeah lucky to. be there now I love that place it's U. Learning so much and like it's a trip. because like somebody told me that it's. it's the place for the zoo and I was. just like that's exactly what I am look. at me like no other no other club's.

going to look at me and be like we want. you to be the MC well I remember I saw. you uh first time I saw you there was a. while back you were doing a roast battle. and the first thing I said I was like. this dude looks different than these. other people this guy I go like there's. something dangerous about this guy like. I've been around enough dangerous people. where like dangerous people almost have. like a smell to them like like don't. don't don't get stupid. you know there's some people that I. don't think they smell that I don't. think like I can meet someone I swear to.

God and if it's a guy who's been through. a lot of [ __ ] you can tell pretty. quickly in you're talking to him like. that they've legitimately seen a lot of. character testing [ __ ] like getting. involved in prison riots or beating the. [ __ ] out of a guy and breaking his. orbital bone at a basketball game yeah. there's people people that have done. [ __ ] like that they have like a feel to. them it's interesting cuz I saw you uh. doing your roast PW first of all you. were very funny. sharp funny well worded insults which is. like what roast rattle is all about it's.

really what they've done has created an. amazing um sort of a a writer show yeah. really about performing and coming up. with good ideas and good jokes and it's. cool because like it gives a guy like me. a chance to go against people that I. would never meet or ever hang out with. and like dude like they get to be in. front of you Ross like all these guys. get to see him instead of seeing him at. a coffee shop yeah yeah I like that show.

it's amazing it's a great show it's. [ __ ] funny as hell too man yeah you. know but so I remember seeing you there. and uh and then hearing your story and I. was like God damn that's a crazy story. like you have so much stuff that you. could mine into dude it's like the. [ __ ] it gets even crazier because. like you know nobody ever asked me like. this is the crazy [ __ ] Joe is prison was. a [ __ ] piece of cake the hardest [ __ ]. was coming home and like it's kind of. like you go away for a war like I.

remember coming home and. like I was the neat freak forever and. like I try to treat everybody in my. house like they were inmates i' be like. hey who the [ __ ] left. hair my kids are like Dad my bad F and. oh yeah like I couldn't be around people. too close like wow if I went to the. store like I looked in the eye is hey. homie I'm paying you here and then. people like what the [ __ ] is wrong with. this guy I would I would never text. nobody I'd call nobody would answer my.

call like what the [ __ ] is every no. one's answering my call nobody wants to. answer calls anymore yeah it's strange. right a lot of weird [ __ ] about getting. out was the [ __ ] transition of. Transitions and so you were. institutionalized institutionalized yeah. straight up and you were only in there. for 3 years man imagine if you were in. there for 20 25 M. [ __ ]. well it's kind of like how you say it's. it's who you affiliate yourself with and.

then you know when you come from your. the street there's codes that just. you're taught from the beginning that. are going to follow you in there so it's. kind of like I was taught by the right. people and the codes to go in there and. just to come out and to finally realize. like hey I'm not even going to gangbang. no more I don't even give a [ __ ] you can. call me what you want to call me I'm. living life now for my kids and then for. me and then I need this new generation. you know what I'm saying like right that. was the whole weird transition as well.

just like being on parole [ __ ] that was. embarrassing does all is there a feeling. like hoping that you could pull it off. like when you're when you I would. imagine that something like parole one. of the big issues would be that if you. know that someone's watching you and. checking up on you all the time and. evaluating you all the time that puts. almost additional pressure on you to. [ __ ] up there's like a psychological. thing that happens to people when you. you know like you were talking about uh. your brother putting all that pressure.

on you and then you respond from it like. there's all there's a a pressure that. you put on someone when you're. monitoring their behavior and I. understand that you have to do it. especially if someone's committed. violent crimes you got to make sure. they're doing all right they're not. doing anything stupid you're letting. them free right I I can understand it. but I'm just saying that psychologically. it probably has an adverse effect on the. person like that's got to [ __ ] with your. head man oh [ __ ] fu yeah it it and it's. oh [ __ ] you what does it feel like to. have to check in with. somebody [ __ ] it sucks because it's kind.

of like imagine having a girlfriend that. can just be like you know [ __ ] you [ __ ]. you're going to prison oh man that's. exactly what it is it's like you have to. like why didn't you answer my call and I. was like I was on stage [ __ ] my bad I. was working I can't answer and he was. like oh did they have did they Power. Trip on you yeah they Power Trip and. plus that was a highrisk inmate so your. high control when you're on parole they. they get you as. a what's that [ __ ] called I'm a.

high-risk inmate or normal parole normal. parole all you do is check in once a. month they don't come to your. house maybe you piss test I have to go. into that office once a week piss test. every time I go in wow and he comes to. visit me with only an hour. notice only an hour notice sometimes if. you're lucky sometimes you're just. outside Jesus Christ that's so crazy man. and this is the crazy part is this guy. thought I was drug dealing cuz I just. got out of prison and I was on you're on.

parole for 3 years so my first year I. got out and I couldn't work it out with. my baby's mom she was different and I. became a different person I was in that. gangster there you know what I mean I. came out like nah so we just went our. own ways my buddy just got a divorce and. he had a badass House in Anaheim. Hills and he goes hey dog like the. bank's going to take the house I think. you have like a year you could stay in. there he like I don't want to stay there. I hate that [ __ ] house me and my wife. divorced so I was staying at this house.

for free and just paying the bills and. my per officer is like how in the [ __ ]. you. better house than. me oh he thought thought you were. dealing drugs thought I was slanging. that's hilarious yeah and then like he. was cool though cuz like he uh he. finally like treated me like I was a. normal person he confessed to me once. he's like man this is [ __ ] he's like. I'm getting a [ __ ] divorce he was. getting divorced too and I guess they. were cutting all the pro officers they.

were they were doing a cut so since he. he had bad credit he couldn't be a. casino. cop wow bad credit yeah if you have bad. credit you can't be a casino cop I. wonder why I wonder if they think that. you're justo too desperate for money. probably and then you might be able to. accept bribes from people or something. yeah probably but that was the only time. that guy ever like talk to me besides. just like and it'd be like hey take a. piss in front of me you know how weird. that is right real weird they got to.

look at your dick right they got to make. sure you don't have a rubber dick no for. real so many people have been caught. with those whizzinators no what you do. is you put bleach under your finger now. or the special thing that's like no. Advanced that's what Joey Diaz says yeah. he said he put it he put Clorox yeah. under the forkin of his dick he was. talking about it I one time he said he. put raino there too. on I used to put coffee on my balls when. I went to court just to have coffee I.

put in a plastic bag and a rubber band. and wrap it around my scr and go to. court but you look like a pimp just. going to court everyone you're in like a. 50 people in a gel cell right and you're. just right there nothing to. do I want some coffee. homie for reals it's like that and then. everyone's like shoot it and it's like. when you're in in there you want it to. be just like this hey man there's no. responsibility but just to be cool and. be strong and [ __ ] let's have fun dog.

wow so you knew to keep coffee on your. ball so you could have it once you'd be. in prison no this is when. I no I'm already in prison but sometimes. you got to go to court right so I was. going to court to get my license. back cuz you have the right to get your. license back even though you're in. prison you still have the right so. they're like all right [ __ ] it we'll. send you so I tied it cuz knowing like. hey dog there's not going to be no.

coffee for us but when I pull up to this. and the homies are going to be like cuz. you know get in trouble for sneaking. coffee they'll just like hey stupid ass. talk [ __ ] to you but it was it was just. like bragging having fun right ah sorry. that was weird huh that's pretty funny. though that's hilarious thinking about. balls and coffee together yeah and no. one's even like oh watch out it's from. the back no one gives a [ __ ] give me a. spoon give me a spoon give me a spoon. boom wow there's there's hot water in. the restroom right there we get it from.

the. sink pretty weird strange when you think. about it or does it seem like like. normal does it feel like because it. seems to me like you're you're obviously. you moved past that you're doing well as. a standup comedian now you're out but. when you're talking about it there's. part of you that you know that kind of. misses the fun times like that right. yeah [ __ ] yeah you can see it it's like. yeah but you don't want to go back never. no that's so crazy isn't it yeah it's. just like I don't know man like it's. kind of.

like I was places with people for a long. time that like became family to me for. that and like I don't know I'm that kind. of guy that like hey man when I'm your. friend I'm your friend and like they're. still my friends I'm not like I know a. lot of people this is what I've been. told by a lot of people you're the only. fool I met that when he got out answered. my [ __ ] phone call didn't like people. forget about you they don't want nothing. to do with you it's happened to me where. I've caught people like hey homie that. was just prison dog I was like oh [ __ ].

my bad so yeah oh wow so you get out of. prison they don't want have nothing yeah. I could I could see people wanting to. move on with their lives too man I just. think but prison itself is so it's got. to be so devastating it's so crazy how. many people we have locked up when you. look at the numbers they're not even. telling you the truth they're not no. like now they got tunks now like you. don't even have day room no more so. you're in a prison let's just say this. is a prison right here along the wall. there would be cells and in the middle.

would be where you eat now they have tea. bunks they have bunks that are screwed. into the concrete and people. sleep like with no protection imagine. that [ __ ] wow you and 50 other inmates. just in a bunk and someone's big living. room yeah it's getting. overpopulated the numbers are so insane. though yeah and it's crazy I I'm mean. cut you off but this is this is what. trips me out it's like I had friends. that I was locked up with and like in.

wasal it's reception so people come in. and out and my friends are like oh yeah. everybody on this side they get sent to. Mississippi and then they send all those. like they're sending our inmates to. Mississippi Alabama. Michigan and Michigan and them are. getting a check from us and then at the. end they bring us back and they send us. home from over here yeah there's never. been a time in history where a country. has locked up more of its citizens than.

right now I can't imagine there's ever. been a time I mean I'm saying that. pretty confidently but I think they said. that United States has more prisoners. than it was a giant number when they. compared it to the rest of the world. like how how many prisoners what just. look it up like the United States. prisoners in comparison to prisons. combined the rest of the world cuz it's. insane how many we have locked up we got. more prisoners and illegal immigrants in. California I'm sure I'm sure right yeah.

but what the [ __ ] is the solution to. that like that's a broken Society if you. have a million people locked up or. whatever the hell we have locked up. don't we have something like a. million how. many what but like where does the. funding come from so what trips me out. it's like how are they getting so much. money off of it well there's a bunch of. different ways first of all it's a. business whenever a company is getting. paid because people people are in jail. that's a business e if it's a state. business or if it's a private business. they're still businesses because they.

cost money and they cost money and. people get paid to work there so as soon. as people get paid to work there they. want to keep those jobs that's always. going to be a problem and people get. paid to work in prisons they're going to. keep those jobs also they Lobby they. Lobby hard the prison guard unions Lobby. cops Lobby. 2,220 300 adults were. incarcerated um in 2013 wow damn holy. [ __ ] additionally. 4,751 400 adults in 2013 were on.

probation or. parole that's a lot dude that's one in. every 51 people is on parole that is. [ __ ] crazy that's crazy and once. you're on parole like you stay in the. system that is a crazy number man yeah. that's there's obviously too many things. you relas. there's a lot of people that want to do. these things we got to figure out what's. violent crime what's you know what's. crime what's violent crime what's what's.

a what what does everybody agree can't. do can't kill people everybody agrees. like certain [ __ ] figure out what that. is and all that other [ __ ] you're. locking people up for. stop stop it well they get paid it's. like you said like every public defender. gets what 800 bucks for every time. someone signs for time 00 that and but. then there's also private prisons. there's also prisons that get paid to. they mean they're a business they start. a prison so that they can make money by. having people locked in their cages and.

then they probably sub them out and do. work around the highway and stuff and. make money off of that huh probably I I. don't I don't know but I would imagine. if they made people work in your prison. and we've always seen people working in. prisons I would I would always assume. that that's a big part of it and you can. make boots you make we make our own. boots our own clothes in there too that. was one of my earliest jokes when I was. like it's probably a hack joke and I. don't even know it but when I was a kid. uh Live Free or Die was on the New.

Hampshire license plate and I was like. imagine that Live Free or Die what's. [ __ ] up about it is those plates are. being made by. prisoners oh yeah so they're in jail and. they're writing Live Free or Die on a. plate and send it them out like what the. what a mind [ __ ] that must to Beck kill. yourself [ __ ] kill yourself big CL kill. yourself that was one of my earliest. jokes [ __ ] I'm probably one of 10 guys. to have come up with it though because. it's so obvious you know not that was.

always the big right license plates yeah. license plates and now it's everything. refrigerators mic refrigerators in. prison it was always license plates. though when we were kids right that was. always saying prisoners like prisoners. and license plates were connected for. some strange reason and then like in. Mississippi and down south they made the. railroads didn't they probably uh I know. they actually really did break rocks in. some places literally make gravel with. sledgehammers that's a great workout. yeah oh yeah yeah yeah it's the best.

workout I used to swing a sledge when I. did construction I was a form Setter I. had I had an eight pounder and 10. pounder sometimes when we had rough dirt. well they do that a lot with like MMA. conditioning classes they have people. hit sledgehammers on tires and [ __ ]. what's this young Jamie it's uh 13 thing. 11 products you might not know we made. by prisoners oh books for the blind. lingerie oh [ __ ] these dudes are making. lingerie Victoria Secrets n JC Penney. hired subcontractor third generation who. in turn hired people Stitch their laerie.

and Leisure wear how many of those dudes. lick those panties before they put them. in those packages how many of them. rubbed their ball sack on them they're. make come on but that's why women want. them too cuz they're like a convict made. this yeah that's they get they smell it. they smell danger in those panties park. benches and picnic tables wow military. jackets and battle g wow that's an. interesting one uh federal prison. Industries but this is nuts better known. as unicor consists entirely of convicts. working in 89 factories together they.

help clothe the United States military. making jackets uniforms helmets shoes. and even flak vests for police officers. they craft body armor and holsters you. know what they're going to say in the. future they're going to look back and. they're going to go oh this is a. hilarious point in history because the. people then didn't know that they had. slaves they didn't they didn't think. existed they like slavery doesn't exist. anymore they didn't but meanwhile that. is exactly what slavery is regardless of.

what they did if someone murdered. someone and someone I can there's an. argument they should be locked up but. when they're working for 38 cents an. hour because they murdered somebody and. they're making [ __ ] that people are. buying they're slaves yes even if just. the government's buying it that's a. slave right [ __ ] yeah I just thought of. that right now I was like [ __ ] I've been. was a slave for three years that's. it's a slave you know because people. have always said well slavery is. barbaric if you didn't know our culture. and you didn't know we accept this form.

of slavery as being punishment. restitution and you didn't know that. some people that are in there absolutely. don't deserve to be in there or were. railroaded on fa trumped up charges. that's there's a percentage whether it's. one out of 100 or whatever the [ __ ] it. is that person's a real person in jail. right now and they're working as a slave. to make body armor. for 38 cents an hour [ __ ] you that's. slavery that is slavery you just figured.

out a way to make it. okay you figured out a way to make it. okay look at this Colorado correction. Industries overseas approximately 60. inmate work programs jail birds at. Fremont County jail for example build. fiberglass sealed canoes they use scraps. from the pr prison furniture shop and. sell the canoes for around 1,500 bucks. other Colorado programs help craft those. ubiquitous College dormatory desks and. bookshelves wow they make blue jeans. holy [ __ ] a lot of jeans people buy the.

Eastern Oregon correctional institute is. home for a. 47,000 ft facility prison blue jeans. Factory yeah it's getting paid what a. prison blue jean horses what is. horses they train wild mustangs prepping. them for adoption that is. [Music]. hilarious we got to open up a prison. horses they they capture wild.

horses and train them for adoption did. you know that that's an issue in America. right now I'm just just becoming aware. of the issue of wild horses there's a. wild horse issue in America what do you. mean like they just away that have. gotten free and they've gone feral and. they're wild and and apparently there's. tens of thousands of them are they. attacking anything no no they're not. attacking anything they're not a danger. it's just they're they're encroaching on. farmland and they're becoming uh a new. ant well look at one point in time. horses roamed Wild on the plains that.

was a long time ago long long long time. ago then they actually went extinct in. North America and they were brought here. from other parts of the world where they. orig originated in North America they. brought them other places so there was a. a point in time somewhere in history. where horses did run wild around here. but they killed a lot of them they. killed them and they used them they they. filled them with strick nine and fed. them to wol Wes to kill off the wolf. population they were trying to make. everything safe for cattle raising. that's [ __ ] crazy yeah dude our our.

country used to be this like kind of. wild area where all these animals roam. free but when Cattlemen moved across the. country they started do these Wild. Horses you're showing us Jamie in Nevada. yeah yeah in Nevada Nevada has thousands. of them apparently but people see them. there all the time I mean it's it's a. common occurrence I mean these are like. like deer or like anything else these. are giant w animals so what's really. [ __ ] weird [ __ ] is you know people. are talking about hunting these things.

now because they're killing them and. they were they were doing it in the uh. the the early uh 1900s they would kill. them and make uh dog food out of them. because they needed meat for pets like. people really didn't have pets like. there wasn't like a pet food industry. the way there is today you know people. just fed their pet whatever the [ __ ]. they fed them you know if you wanted a. dog you fed them scraps or that was like. a big thing you know feeding your dog. table scraps but they started feeding. these horses so they started killing all.

these horses and they would kill horses. for um dog food and they would kill. horses and feed them to wolves but for. whatever reason we didn't eat horses. over here yeah that's [ __ ] crazy like. so they were doing this in Denver or C. in uh Nevada that's in Nevada those. those Wild Horses right there in that. video just wandered around the the High. Country desert I'm sure yeah cuz we that. problem with cats I'd [ __ ] flip out. if it was horses in the front of my. [ __ ] yard like that yeah well if you. live out there man it's it's possible I.

mean I don't know how many there are the. real problem is not like there's too. many horses the real problem is there's. too many horses that are going on these. people's land that raise cattle and the. horses are grazing probably on the same. Fields the cattle are and they're. getting pissed off yeah taking the grass. yeah that's most likely what it is if I. had a guess it's just a bunch of greedy. cattle guys who don't you know they. don't want to lose call them greedy. whatever trying to protect their. industry protect their interests I. understand that but like at a certain. point in time we have to step in I think. as humans and go is it a bad thing to.

have these horses like you know and yeah. what are they hurting they think they. seem pretty cool it's kind of cool to. have wild horses isn't it can't we all. agree it's kind of badass they seems to. be thriving and they're but you're going. to have to they're going to have to. figure out a way to manage their. population because um they they're not. going to get jacked by too many mountain. lines the way uh like deer do they're. this a horse is a big animal and they. they kick oh yeah you know I mean I'm. sure a mountain lion could kill a horse. don't get me wrong but I don't think.

that'd be a lot of fun for the mountain. lion like en possible yeah do you think. they'd like back each other up I think. the horse would up they do in Africa. like like um it's a different Hood it's. a different Hood but it is still cats. and and prey you know Predator. carnivores and herbivores um the uh. buffalo in Africa they they gang up and. they go after Lions when lions are. attacking one of their own oh yeah I've. seen that it's wild to see right yeah. and I was little we my parents had a.

ranch in Mexico I used to have a horse. people love horses man yeah I didn't. know how to tend to it but I used to. ride that [ __ ] once in a while did you. know that that did you know that Aztecs. were so tripped out by horses they used. to cut their heads off too really yeah I. because uh that was their ritual they. were offering uh blood to the Sun God. who so they would cut your head off and. then throw you down those steps and. then when when the Cortez came that's.

what they did to the people at the end. and they did it to the horses well when. Cortez came wasn't that the first time. they had ever seen a person on a horse. and they thought the person was a part. of the horse yes yeah never seen blue. eyes is that crazy imagine that you. you've never seen someone ride a horse. no one's ever ridden an animal they've. never seen a horse right then all a. sudden these dudes showed up riding. animals on a boat with like jackets on. and [ __ ] that would be like the you. would be the biggest baller ever in the.

world you pulled up in a boat and you. stepped off the boat and a horse you. know and you got a sword you're like who. is this [ __ ] dude you imagine those. days must have been so crazy yeah and. you know the crazy part is is they say. that Cortez tripped out when he was like. these [ __ ] have irrigation perfect. their sewers perfect think built perfect. but why are they cutting people's heads. off and throwing these guys down the. steps well if you look at the Mayan. pyramids and some of the Aztec.

architecture that they developed in that. part of the world like they were on some. crazy level that very few civilizations. have ever been on the Mayan temples all. aligned constellations or at least most. of them do so they had some sort of a. deep knowledge and understanding of the. what they were seeing in the solar. system there's also a lot of evidence. apparently that they understood about. wobble like the Earth has a wobble. called the procession of equinoxes and. this wobble it's like the Earth doesn't. spin in a perfect circle the Earth.

understanding you in this like 26,000. year wobble I think it's 26,000 years. but the the point is it doesn't spin. perfectly and the Stars change their. position in the sky depending upon where. in that cycle you are well the Mayans. knew that they had outlined that yeah I. mean they they developed some sort of a. calendar that's as accurate if not more. accurate than the calendar we use today. they they had figured out some crazy. [ __ ] yeah I in prison like that was like.

the thing you study like it was crazy I. have a couple of the tattoos of gods. from the. Aztec this is a a certain God like. they're all certain gods and yeah it's. all in that calendar it's pretty crazy. like I got the God on my chest of the. day I was born on the year what is that. what God is that so SOA it's weird cuz. he was like he's a feel weird looking at. your nipple but I'm going to let it go. cuz it's good art is that a prison one. yeah wow that's good work yeah this guy.

was solid right here he was with the. business it's I would you know there's a. few moments in history that I would. really love to go back and just be like. live in a in an invisible bulletproof. bubble and just be able to sit in the. middle of a town and just watch these. people but one of the big ones big I. think if I had to choose one I think I'd. have to take the Egyptian pyramid today. like I would love to see what the [ __ ]. that looked like but right up there is I. went to um chichin I went to the the uh.

it's in um real close to um uh Cancun. it's like maybe an hour and a half. outside of Cancun oh okay Mexico yeah. Mexico it's the Yucatan right yes. yukatan there's a couple of them down. there there's a couple of different um. sites that have uh these Mayan ruins but. we went to chichin and you walking. around you're like what what the [ __ ]. inspired them to do this like this is. that was the the pyramid that we went up. to and you got to realize we're talking.

more than a thousand years ago they. built this [ __ ] thing and why why'. they do it like what is that they were. really infatuated by the sun yeah and. they would always like they felt when. that you gave the sun blood cuz they. were so scared of dark they always. wanted light look at that structure yeah. I remember I remember going there and. seeing that and going what who who the. [ __ ] are these people why' they do this. Perfect Construction every joint it's. locked in like our construction nowadays.

can't lock joints how those joints are. locked in well they did an amazing job. that's for sure the engineering is. impeccable cuz we're we're looking at it. in perfect form essentially except for a. little bit of wear more than a thousand. years later and it's just beautiful like. when you when you look at the. construction of it you walk around and. you're like this is some serious. engineering and it's on the highest. sight so no flood. yeah like it's the way it faces the sun. they're yeah they killed a lot of. [ __ ] people there on that thing right.

there that was where they would cut. dude's [ __ ] hearts out yeah right on. top of that guy they would do it right. on top of his he like he's like a little. tray for human sacrifices he's actually. a god he's actually a god they believe. that he took those hearts into the. underworld dude you should check it out. it's some pretty bad drawings well I had. a guide when I was there we hired this. uh guide who was a professor at a local. University and he he doubled as a guide. and he gave you a historical lesson. about the entire place it was amazing.

man it was amazing because this guy knew. so much about Mayan history and he also. said that they were really into eating. psychedelic plants he said that there. was this place that would go that had. something had like lurgical. GD is in there but he was saying that. they believed that whatever they had was. some sort of a psychedelic LSD like. compound and they had this room he took.

us to this room where they would do it. in yeah they had like a specific room in. one of the in one of the structures this. specific room where they would do their. psychedelic rituals they were tripping. their balls off that's how they saw that. [ __ ] yeah that's they're cutting. people's heads off and have you ever. seen Apocalypto yeah the little kids. right there telling the mom hurry up and. it's like what the [ __ ] is going on yeah. that's a crazy time in the world I would. love to see that time like when when um.

what's your other one you said Mayan and. then you said the Egyptian you said you. want to go to another place another time. genghiskhan oh yeah you want to be. around with that [ __ ] I want to see that. I want to see what the [ __ ] that was. like cuz uh to take them on or to join. no no no no to watch see how crazy life. was back then I wouldn't want to live I. wouldn't want to live in any of those. times but I would want to if I could if. someone does legitimately one day come. up with a time machine and say if it's. like dude it's 10 grand but you can go. back you go to Egypt for like an PayPal.

ahead of time yeah I mean people would. totally save up I mean think about it it. cost a couple thousand bucks if you're. going to go to Hawaii right plain fair. and a hotel room and then your food you. know you're you're into it right yeah no. 10 grand but for how long how long are. you g an hour 1 hour one hour in Egypt. [ __ ] I like this 1 hour in Egypt during. like some sort of a ceremony and. actually be there and get a chance to. see it when Moses was in the river. and imagine what it would be like to see. those sacrifices that like when they.

built what was it the Pyramid of uh how. do you say it Tian how do you say that. the Aztec pyramid see if you can find. that the they killed 880,000. people inside of a few days in. sacrifices not it's the religion the Bel. and what there was nothing to do but. yeah [ __ ] I don't know but stop and. think of that number 8,000 people and.

they I believe it was within a few days. I think they killed all the people that. worked on the pyramid all the slaves. that worked on the pyramid all of them. got the. knife n they didn't want to pay social. security they were the first ones they. like you [ __ ] they getting work. comp or nothing how insane is that that. time of life like that humans had agreed. to that that that was going to be that. was that was the plan we got these.

slaves we got them to build this thing. then we're going to cut their hearts out. right we're cool with this right. everybody's on board yeah yeah. definitely let's cut their hearts out. like this is people this is human beings. this is a totally different time in the. world and really not that long ago yeah. and it's kind of weird cuz it's like. they didn't even care like if there was. no more people left like how do they. know there's not other people people. left right right they might be the last. people damn cutting 85,000 dudes or. 880,000 dudes Hearts Out imagine the.

guys that had to clean up all that [ __ ]. though 80,000 bodies oo I bet they did a. shitty job how about that I bet they. weren't very motivated they're going to. [ __ ] kill me too man yeah I'm the. body C take your time [ __ ] take your. time I mean how is the body cleaner well. that was one of the things they said. about genas Khan that when genas Khan. died they buried him and then they. killed all people that buried him and. then they killed the people that killed. the people that buried him [ __ ] that's a. super hit angster that's as gangster as.

he gets you kill everybody everybody. that has any idea where he's buried so. no one could ever find the great KH so. only the guy that ordered it the hit. knows huh even he doesn't know [ __ ]. everybody's dead the people that ordered. it they killed them too they killed. everybody so no one knows no one knows. where it is I just would have burned the. body in acid like M good call no I think. they have to they have rituals like I. think you know in order to if you're a. Mongol in order to make it to the next.

stage of life you probably have some. they probably have some crazy rituals. yeah that you're going to come back with. the motorcycle but that point in history. seems like it would be pretty insane. they said that gask Khan killed like 10%. of the there was a New York Times. article about it that he killed 10% of. the world's population and he apparently. changed the carbon footprint of the. human race meaning it killed so many. [ __ ] people there was less soot in.

the air there was less carbon because of. fires the like it changed the way the. foot like what our residue on Earth is. when they do those coar. angles that's insane man you got to if. anybody listen to this if you haven't. you might have heard this before but I. have to say it to people that haven't. Hardcore History there's a guy named d. Carlin he was on last week he's [ __ ]. awesome he's the best ever at like doing. History Podcast the guy's a monster him. and Danielle blei he's awesome too but.

um his he's got a series on the gas Khan. Day called the wrath of the con it's a. five-part series you can get it on. iTunes it's like $1.99 a show or. something like that but they're hours. and hours long folks they're I can't I. can't it used to be free but he does. like the first x amount of free and then. because he only does them like it takes. months to put one of these out it's not. like asking someone to pay for a regular. podcast it's like an audio book okay. does he go out to all these places I.

don't think so I mean I don't know he. studied uh the Mongols ever since he was. in college he did a uh he wrote a report. about it it was like part of the um the. uh podcast series that he does on it he. talks about his history with the history. of the Mongols but it's amazing and. that's what got me excited about the. Mongols and starting to check it out but. that's just I just would love to see. what crazy points in time looked like. like how as humans how we like we. evolved with thinking and fighting and. [ __ ] like that well you mean there's.

levels of craziness in this world right. now right like somewhere there's some. dudes that are working as slaves making. blue jeans for some company right I mean. and they're prisoners there's there's. that world there's a world that you. experience when you're in the county and. a riot breaks out this world's very. different than the world that most. people experience but our world itself. like all the variables that we know that. are possible whether it's prison or or. war or all these things that we know to. be possible they're very different than. it was a th years ago or 2000 or. whatever the Egypt was.

4,500 plus years ago that they were. building the Great Pyramid apparently. yeah [ __ ] life would have been crazy. insane I mean I can't even imagine when. they say the Great Pyramid I think they. said it's 2500 BC is when they carbon. test it to like some of the stuff in it. which is 4,000 plus years ago you'd have. to like hold your head like it would. hurt your head to think of how long ago. that was hundreds and hundreds of years. and people living and dying and change. occurring and things and the climate.

shifts and the uh you know the. earthquakes catastroph many things man. so much craziness and it's so long and. if you go that far back these. [ __ ] built some insane [ __ ]. that we can't barely build today no we. would have to have a team of Engineers. from all over the world with the biggest. cranes ever to try to put together one. of those in just a you know in a decade. or two decades imagine the like the. machines wouldn't even work in that.

climate they wouldn't even know how to. adjust to the sand they'd have to make. better machines I mean it could be done. I think it could be done but it's not. it's not simple what they did was so. spectacular and the idea that they did. it 2,500 BC 4,500 plus years ago that's. [ __ ] crazy it's hard to imagine they. did that [ __ ] before Jesus I would love. to see it man I would love to see it I. would just love to see what it looked. like back then like what happened like. the first day they were done imagine how. that just what it would be like to live.

in that era like what were their markets. like what how smart were they like I. would love to be able to speak their. language and talk to one of them from. back then cuz I just think that someone. who builds that they must have been. insanely smart. insane but also I mean I agree with what. you're saying but they were kind of like. [ __ ] cuz then didn't they have. slaves as well no that was a common. misconception they thought not that they. had slaves until pretty recently but now. they realized by the quality of the food. and the the pottery that they had in. their shelters that they were highly.

paid workers that's the new Theory the. new theory is to get someone to build. something like that you see the thing is. it's so hard to know you know they might. have been slaves that were taken care of. really well it's so hard to know because. it's so long ago and they're basing it. just on pottery and Bones like the type. of food that they ate they ate well but. you'd have to eat well if you're moving. these giant Stones too you'd it would be. within your best interest to keep your. slave super healthy they have to move. Stones all day and and it's funny cuz we. just have a theory of how they did it.

with ropes yeah how did they really do. it we don't know there's a bunch of. different theories making ramps and. stuff none of them are really very good. because I think none of them address the. possibility that they had some kind of. technology or understanding that we. don't have anymore whether it's some. sort of a machine they created or some. sort of a lever system they created. it is entirely possible that like like. when you're talking about your time in. prison where people are making tattoo. guns out of wire and you know taking.

something from a broom and sharpen it. sterilizing it and making the soot and. doing it for days like that kind of. Ingenuity just in three years of prison. imagine 3,000 plus years of people. trying to get by and and make do during. this weird time where there's no. electricity there's no engines there's. no they they're they have the same kind. of mind that you have today that I have. today that were they're like modern. people but they lived in this time where. there was no modern inventions and they. figured out how to make.

pyramids on point and then I guess. there's like they say that the way that. they're the sun like hits a certain. thing in there well some of them yeah. but it depends on what time of year. again because of that procession of the. equinoxes the way the Earth wobbles it. depends on what time of year it depends. on you know how what what year the cycle. is you know like this um procession of. the Equinox is also points to the fact. that that Sphinx at one point in time. probably I think somewhere like 10,500.

years ago faced the Sun the or faced the. constellation Leo so there's a reason. why the lion was facing in that. direction like they cuz they had. apparently the zodiac constellations. even like way as back as um the Su. marians I think they had all the signs. of the zodiac way back then like they. had the fish and the lady with the sca. the scales All That Jazz I'm pretty sure. they had those constellations way way. way the [ __ ] back then that's it yeah. it's like you said dude I could barely.

put my tent. up you but you could that's not true man. you were talking about you know living. in prison adapting you would adapt. everywhere yeah but like see what it's. weird you made me understand something. like that's why I was kind of like to me. I feel like they were in prison too the. only reason I adapted to is because I. had nothing else to do but what was. there yeah so like they have like what's. there but like now that like I have all. this my friend told me this he goes. sorry I talk weird I jump in and out he.

goes hey dog when you're in prison you. have nothing to do but you always want. to do something but you can't because. you're confined now that you're home. don't sit at the [ __ ] house go do. [ __ ] cuz you been wanting to do stuff. but then I catch myself sitting at home. like I'm so used to this get out get out. you're not going to get arrested. the Trap yeah yeah so [ __ ] yeah I could. imagine that they were just like there's. nothing else to do let's build a pyramid.

yeah and their world the world was a. prison I mean think of how barbaric the. world was 4,500 plus years ago how. barbaric was the world how was the. weather do we do we have proof of how. the weather was they think that up until. around 9,000 BC it was a well from 9,000. BC rather back it was a tropical. rainforest which is really interesting. yeah they think that it resembled like. the same rainforest you see in like the.

Amazon they think it was beautiful. rainforest but climate shifted for. whatever reason and that that's one of. the main arguments that the Sphinx is. way older than people think it is it's. because it has all this water erosion. all throughout the outside of it it's a. very hotly debated issue like there's. some archaeologists that refuse to. believe it because that would indicate. that it was made some where not just. 9,000 BC but thousands of years before. that because it has like thousands of. years of water erosion on it they think. that erosion is wind and sand it's a.

real hotly debated subject and I'm not. really smart enough or educated enough. to make a call either way but when I. look at it and you listen to geologists. like this guy Dr Robert shock from. Boston University kind of staked his. reputation on it because he's received a. lot of criticism but he's like this is. thousands of years of rainfall that's. made this erod like this yeah which. means which means they built that thing. thousands of years even before that like. we we want to think that the Egyptian. civilization neatly arrived around 2500.

BC and there's no way it could be any. earlier than that because you know. people just back then didn't know. anything well how the [ __ ] did they know. how to do it then exactly that doesn't. make any sense either like it doesn't. make less sense that people knew how to. do it at 9,000 BC it's all crazy what. whatever they did was amazing yeah they. and they lived like ballers they always. had they have Gold Everywhere just you. know what I mean yeah look at King Tut. like look they sarcophagus is that it. sarcophagus covered in [ __ ] gold leaf.

and [ __ ] they were great artist oh yeah. well they wrote in symbols they had. these weird ways of writing where they. like images were symbols so you know we. look at a word like you look at look at. the word uh sandwich and okay see those. letters laid out and they have an image. in your mind and that becomes your your. form of language written langu but they. had like they had an image based. language so it's a very different way of. thinking like so did uh the Mayans had.

another one image-based kind of a. language too those image-based languages. are very bizarre because you got to. realize like language in the way it's. used shapes the world and one of the big. problems that we're having as comedians. is the subtlety of the English language. and the the that people can and can't be. offended by so instead of conveying pure. intent instead of anything you're saying. conveying pure intent there's this giant.

variable of what you can and can't say. what you should and shouldn't be able to. say you know what is offensive to some. people what is you know what what you. think is okay because you feel this and. you feel that there's so much going on. with the English language but you got to. think that if your language was based in. images it would probably have a. different feel to it I would wonder what. what that feel would be like that's. interesting how you said that yeah. because we sound [ __ ] out and over. there's like no this is what it means.

they must have they obviously have a. spoken language that's really weird too. I don't know what the Egyptians spoke I. want to say they probably spoke Egyptian. but what the what the [ __ ] did they. speak if you ask people like what did. the Egyptian the ancient Egyptians speak. you'd be like o I never thought of that. yeah Egyptian it have to be well. apparently they had a gigantic Library. the Library of Alexandria and it was. burned a long long time ago Copic Coptic. oh there it is okay 17th uh until late.

17th century ad the form of Coptic it. was Egyptian okay the national language. of modern day Egyptian is Egyptian. Arabic which gradually replace Coptic as. the language of daily life that's. bizarre right oh after the Muslims uh. Conquest in Egypt Coptic is still used. as the liter liter L lurgical lurgical. lurgical language of the Coptic Church. wow Coptic huh I would had a hard time. with that word too what is this King TTS.

dagger made from Iron from the sky oh. yeah they found a dagger that was King. TTS that came from a. meteor they took a meteor and and. hammered it. out yeah well you know there's a guy who. does that today he makes custom knives. made out of meteors if you uh Google. Anthony bouraine had a knife made out of. a. meteor how do you get the meteor well. you can collect them there's enough of. them land in places where people have. collected them and you can actually buy.

meteorites yeah it's literally iron iron. from space so they take this iron from. space and I I want to say his name is. kleene kleene knives but he's a Steve. kleene is that his name no that's not. his. name Bob Kramer Kramer that's it Steve. Kramer Bob Kramer Bob Kramer Steve Klein. is a awesome pool que maker my bad this. Bob Kramer guy how did they melt it like. at a certain degree yeah they put it. inside of a this crazy furnace and see.

this is what he's doing here scroll down. there so we can look at it there we go. that's him hammering. down These Bars of Steel that came from. a meteorite and that's how you they make. a knife they take it and they keep. hammering it and they keep throwing it. to the fire and hammering it this guy. Bob Kramer does it all himself I mean he. does it like the old school way with. obviously with new equipment but it's. all from the beginning like he takes the. metal and crafts it and turns it into.

this insane looking knife and at the end. of the day I mean you're cutting your. food with a. meteor some from space that's insane. from space apparently it's one it's one. of the things that we're most terrified. of when it comes to asteroids that some. asteroids are just made out of iron and. it'll just slice right through just. imagine an asteroid that's the size of. Manhattan and it's all Iron and it's. coming at us 45,000 mil an.

hour. boom you know and it just rips the ocean. in half go I think they said that if an. an asteroid that size like the one that. killed the dinosaurs the one that hit. the Yucatan they said that within. seconds it was m deep into the. Earth miles. deep that's like that's how that's.

[ __ ] miles deep imagine oh just. imagine that like the impact that. something has to have for sorry no. something the size of a city to go miles. deep into the Earth within seconds. that's I I would want to see that for. some like my sick mind I would want to. see that just to look down to see what's. in there yeah I've seen those animated. ones they do online you get to look at. like an but you know that's not really. happening it doesn't really have the.

same effect like you okay yeah I get it. I get that's what it would look like but. I think seeing it happen seeing that. thing coming. down what's [ __ ] up is man you look up. at the moon and it's just covered in. craters covered mhm you go well the the. the Moon is just man why does the moon. keep getting hit we keep getting hit too. we just cover in plants and [ __ ] we. don't see it anymore it's we got water. and plants that have made us forget the. moon doesn't have an atmosphere too so. it burns up we we lose a lot of the.

asteroids that are coming in because of. the atmosphere or the asteroids. meteorites whatever they are meteors but. the moon doesn't have any of that [ __ ]. so it comes crashing down but I just. think that we've been hit a bunch of. times we've been hit a bunch of times we. just forgot I I've never even thought of. that I'm tripping out on that right now. like that does sound something I know. the weeds good but like I'm [ __ ] like. w crazy tweet's very good and like. speaking of the moon like remember the. Mayans discovered that the the rabbit. was on the moon have you seen that.

that's their signal like they say. there's a rabbit face on the moon it. probably is don't we always see the same. side of the moon too right the moon. doesn't spin correct I don't think it. does I think the moon does not spin the. moon faces us the same way all the time. pretty. sure so that would make sense the man on. the. moon there was some science thing from a. long time ago man when they thought they. saw canals on Mars they were convinced. when they first started looking at Mars. there was canals and they were like holy.

yeah that's what they thought they. thought they were not right you know but. they they were like holy [ __ ] we're. looking at a civilization on Mars like. people were preparing themselves to make. contact with the Martians I trip out on. us as humans we always want to go find. something else and go kick it with. something else it's like [ __ ] I know. there's someone over there I know. there's someone at Mars we keep knocking. but it won't open I know yeah I I. remember one time I I had this thought. where I was just like what if humans are. so smooth that we've already been on.

Mars and Saturn and all that and we just. [ __ ] them up so we can't live there no. more and that's why we're here and. that's why we keep looking for other. ones to [ __ ] up well if we found someone. over there and they talk [ __ ] we. definitely [ __ ] them up that's a fact. you tell them we would [ __ ] up people in. Afghanistan we wouldn't [ __ ] up people. on the moon does the moon rotate yeah it. does it does it spins wow called. synchronous rotation oh it spins as we. spin so we don't see it spinning oh. interesting so we see the same side. every time yeah that's one of those Flat.

Earth things that I was going to add in. it doesn't spin so the moon orbits the. earth once every 27. 322 days it also. takes apparently 27 days for the moon to. rotate one on its axis as a result the. moon does not seem to be spinning but. appears to observers from Earth to be. keeping almost perfectly still. scientists call this synchronous. rotation that's cool that's [ __ ] cool. how does all that happen and stay in. sequence and just rock and roll I. [ __ ] love it well how do it float up.

there how come it's not landing on our. [ __ ]. head none of it makes sense like explain. that how come the [ __ ] asteroids come. flying in but uh the moon just hovers. what if the moon just decided to Jack us. I said you P your light forever. [ __ ] and takes off yeah but. they say that the Moon is like a residue. of when the Earth was created that there. was Earth One the scientists have a. model of Earth one and Earth two and. Earth one was like this giant ball of.

fire and gases and we got hit with. another planet like in the early days of. development of the earth we got like. another planet collided with Earth and. that's what created the moon and that's. what stabilized its orbit and that's the. reason why apparently we can survive is. because if it wasn't for the moon we. wouldn't have a steady atmosphere we. wouldn't have a steady temperature we. wouldn't have a steady orbit it we it. would vary too widely and we would have. never developed we'd all be like. tardigrades in the bottom of the ocean. or some [ __ ] some weird little. indestructible yeah nuclear single cell.

multi-cell organisms or something that. is [ __ ] crazy yeah the what's m. what's m Jam Just I'm trying to find. that the only thing that comes up when I. type in Earth one and Earth two is a lot. of stuff about DC Comics oh no it was. from um of that right no no no it um. Earth one and Earth two they actually. they actually talked about in the. Samaran text which is really kind of. fascinating the Samaran text talked. about Earth's Collision that there was a. I think a planets called I think they.

called the planets Tiamat and Marduk and. they collided and it created uh Earth. and one of the and and also created the. moon what's what's interesting about. that is that they had figured this out. 6,000 something years ago like this is. even older than the pyramids like B oh. yeah yeah it's really old the ancient. Ian were the oldest as far as like what. we currently know of as an uh you know. it changes all the time they find new. stuff all the time but as far as what.

the archaeologists know of today is the. oldest written language the oldest. mathematics like a gang of that stuff is. thought to be from that part of the. world so the same part of the world also. knew about all the planets in the right. orbit in the right size it's really. strange a telescope without dude we. don't know what they knew yeah might. they had these drawings um in clay. tablets where they had picture the Sun. and they would picture it would have. Earth it would had Venus it had Jupiter.

all these planets like the big ones were. where the big ones were the smaller ones. were the I mean they're the right size. it's crazy like how the [ __ ] did they. know this it's kind of like they're like. all right make a ride over there and go. like if they were going somewhere it's. almost like they somehow or another. could see them I mean how they could see. them I don't understand I don't I don't. know what they figured out but they. figured out something what is this Jamie. this is uh Zachariah Stitch's or a. diagram of what I guess described.

happened see there's a problem with. siten though I I'm obviously not a. [ __ ] scholar but the ones who are. they go over his stuff and they a lot of. them don't agree with it and there's an. actual website it's called sitchin is. wrong it might be.org or.com and it's. all like poking holes and his stuff his. stuff is fun as [ __ ] though it's fun to. believe cuz he thinks that we were. created by aliens he thinks aliens came. from a planet called Nibiru and they. came down here and they did genetic. manipulations with lower primates and.

that created human beings that's pretty. crazy it's the best it's so. fun I trip out how people say that the. Egyptians were having sex with aliens. because of the old hrips they found like. they have aliens with their penises out. with like Civilization I think you might. have been reading some website. yeah for real yeah they had alien. penises and the hieroglyphs yeah I. thought i' seen it all no I read I even. read a book in prison called the biggest.

secret by David Einstein or Einstein. something like that and he they show you. the pictures in there wow I haven't seen. that yeah hm was it David Ike wasn't. David Ike it it might have been it's. been a long time it was just cuz you. only got certain books but David ik's. that guy that thinks if was him I don't. even if he thinks this anymore but he. used to think that the top leaders of. the world were all reptilians yes that's. the guy that's the guy yeah I don't. think that's correct yeah I'll I just.

tell you what I I tripped out. on those are those are three times for. sure that I would want to go back to if. you had to choose like a place in time. where you can go back and just check it. out what would it be. me I'd want to go back to the dinosaur. time ooh the good call I [ __ ] up I. should give up one of mine for dinosaurs. I got to give up gask Kong for the. Dinosaur Days nah genas Kong's gangster. too I got to give up somebody yeah I I.

definitely want to go back I don't know. just to [ __ ] dude they're it was their. land and then um just because I'm. Mexican I'd want to go back to like. the when Cortez. came to yukatan. that time monuma days yeah yeah oh yeah. you know what's crazy man whenever. they're building [ __ ] in Mexico City. they're always like digging into the. ground and they got a halt construction.

stop stop they find something they find. some [ __ ] they found a temple they find. jewelry they find something it's all. over the place up there I guess there's. this new uh airplane that shoots it's. like you know how you could do an. ultrasound on a body the the airplane. radar does ultrasound on the dirt or. whatever the floor the ground and. they're trying to find temples over. there now Eddie Bravo was right the. zapus was raised from the sky to try to. find money that's what it is he was just. wrong with the method yeah man I think.

there's a gang of [ __ ] under there but. it's crazy because it's not that long. ago no it's not you know I mean Cortez. was what that was the 1400s when did. Cortez come here I would say the 1400s. and then the reason that the temples. ain't even there no more is because. Catholicism took it out Catholicism came. in and then they buried the temples and. built churches over the temples isn't. that crazy like they built churches over. the that's a a big thing in Egypt too. they're finding like one period of. construction and then on top of that. period of construction there's some.

newer more modern [ __ ] and as they go. under the the modern [ __ ] they're like. they built the modern [ __ ] on top of the. older [ __ ] like what the [ __ ] were they. doing but they did it a gang of times in. history they think well are we doing it. right now like aren't we building a new. Coliseum over the old [ __ ] Coliseum. what we do we we tear down houses people. literally Buy what they call a tear down. house you buy a house that's run down. but it's on a nice lot and you you know. it's a big investment honey but I think. a tear Down's the right move you tear. down that house and build a be beautiful.

house in that spot and it has an. original Foundation yeah man that's a. sad thing cuz um when I was doing. construction in the east coast you would. run across these buildings that had. these uh old school Nails their nails. were galvanizes right well was they were. they were like a wedge it wasn't like a. circle with a straight line like you. know a nail has a point at the end of it. but then it's a perfect kind of a. perfect cylinder all the way up to the. top and it's got a flat head yes these. old nails weren't like that these old. nails were like a wedge it was like a.

steel wedge cuz they were making them in. a blacksmith so the nails had like a top. flat part where you could hammer it in. but instead of having like a long. straight cylinder it was actually a. wedge and the pointy end was the bottom. of the wedge and they would tap it in. like that and that that's what a nail. was back then so when I was doing. construction and you would pull these. nail you could tell when you were going. into an old ass building cuz you yeah. that's what it looked like see how that. looked like that's an old nail like that.

nail I get I pulled a gang of those out. of buildings when I was a kid but it's. kind of sad in a way because these. houses that were made this way like. someday people would love to see that. and go wow this is like a piece of. History to see an old house that was. built with uh the way they would do the. uh insulation 2 they have this like. white [ __ ] that was like uh in between. these boards it wasn't uh wasn't they. didn't have fiberglass back then or. anything was like this white Plaster.

[ __ ] it wasn't like pink No the pink. stuff's the fiberglass stuff okay that's. the stuff that you have to put in attics. and [ __ ] yeah you did that hard. construction that inside that house gut. [ __ ] inside the house is not fun if. you're doing an attic I did an attic. once [ __ ] that that had the the. fiberglass [ __ ] in it you get it in your. skin get all itchy everywhere you're. itchy and you sweat and the sweat opens. up your pores and the fiberglass [ __ ]. gets in there can I ask you a question. when you were stripping the nails from. the wood why were you taking the nails.

out were you we were working we're. tearing something down putting something. in its place I I don't remember whether. or not it was a um a remodel or whether. or not they were putting an addition on. or something like that but whenever you. would have to go into the walls these. buildings you could tell right away cuz. they had these uh I forget I forget what. you would call those long thin boards. that were stacked on top of each other. as soon as you go through the plaster. you feel the plaster and you would know. it's an old house cuz it was like a. plaster instead of a wall board when you. go to a new house they have that wall.

board stuff which is you know gypson. board it's kind of thin doesn't have a. lot of like Mass to it and then behind. that you would have all the other stuff. and then insulation and [ __ ] but in. these old houses it wasn't like that it. was like. these you call them thin just really. thin long boards and in between was this. white Plaster [ __ ] and there was plaster. over the outside like shingles like long. th Shing like shingles but like little. thin boards like a you know like not. even a half inch thick by like uh maybe. an inch or so wide and they had those.

kind of nails that put them into the. studs I got you now yeah so you'd pull. those Nails out and they you would. always recognize I'm like wow this an. old [ __ ] house cuz New England was an. old place you know I mean you could go. to New England today and see there's. Graves that you can visit that are from. like the. 1700s yeah they have a grav Stone. yeah they're still there you know slowly. but surely the numbers are getting more. eroded by the the atmosphere and stuff. but it's still there you can still read. them they're some of them are kind of. faint you think in a 100 years like.

they're going to have to. like discover a new method for burying. us cuz it's stupid to bury people it's. stupid the only reason why you should. bury people well it's also what we're. doing is we are we're keeping the. natural process of us becoming useful to. the world because like when things die. those things are absorbed by the. environment there's a system in place. set up I mean if you just buried someone. if you just opened up the hole put them. in the ground and bury them the the.

natural course of order would take place. the bacteria in their body would break. down their body the the soil would. absorb their body they'd become. fertilizer like every animal has from. the beginning of time but we're so weird. we want to fill our dead bodies up with. some [ __ ] that keeps them from rotting. and then we put makeup on on them and. dress them up in their best clothes like. my grandfather when he died they put one. of those um crucifixes with the what are. those things called with the crucifix. with the chain Rosary with the rosary.

about and like like he never even went. to church like what are you doing here. like what is this and he's clutch in his. face he's got this he is's so this. there's no feel to him you know he's. gone and they're going to take him and. they're going to put him in a box and. then they're going to bury it in the. ground and it's probably you could go. dig it out today if I probably wanted to. go in there today his body's still in. there because those things they don't. rot cuz they're filled up with falahi. and all crazy it's real weird the only. reason why it makes sense is to prove.

murder cases and [ __ ] like that I mean. that's that's about it like maybe if the. death is weird the death is weird you. should probably. like you know yeah it's crazy thought. like yeah we can't prove it yeah but. something something went down cuz. they've caught people for murders by. going and digging up the bodies and. finding Arsenic and system or something. like that they've done that that's weird. though but like I don't know it's kind. of like dude Case Closed homies I I. should have got away with it now if you. buried them you can't bring them back. yeah but if they catch you see you're.

thinking like a convict like if they. catch you they catch you you didn't get. away no no no I beat the game he's in. the ground I win come on the [ __ ] it's. just a it's a barbaric way of it's it's. it's an inhumane way it's a it's not a. smart thing it's a custom Plus it's a. giant racket it's a huge financial. racket Joey Diaz is the first one to. explain that to me and goes dog the. worst [ __ ] racket that nobody ever. talks about funerals think about it what.

the [ __ ] are you going to do what the. [ __ ] are you going to do you're going to. spend that money dog yeah and he goes in. that cheap box is like what $1,000. $2,000 you got to pay the funeral cost. you got to pay for the service he's. explaining everything you have to have a. plot of land I'm like what oh my God I. never thought about that he's like it. obliterates people it obliterates them. it puts them in massive debt thousands. of dollars in debt like that yeah and. it's mandatory and it's mandatory I mean. I guess there must be some sort of.

programs in place to take care of bodies. and people can't afford anything I mean. I would imagine there is but just the. practice itself the fact that it's not. just common it's standard that's the. standard practice it's a crazy way to. take care of bodies man it's ridiculous. yeah like I remember like telling my. kids like hey if there's any way you can. make it happen I want to be buried in. this [ __ ] backyard right here if you. could make it happen but then they're. going to go to jail yeah because like is. that crazy yeah like they I guess. there's like certain laws well there.

should be because if you have a well and. you put your body and your body rots. into that well it gets people sick and. people have died from that so that is. something the where I used to live in. birbank there was a a a gravestone of a. dead baby that underneath the steps. going up up to our apartment building. like seven apartments on a random street. and it's like a the the birth and the. death date are seven days apart it's. like in it was like 50 70 years ago it's. a long time ago wasn't like it just.

happened either and it's super weird. they just built stairs over top of it. and I it's a really really weird spot. it's so strange. Jesus you know what else is strange your. voice coming through that shitty wire. checked it before and it worked even. earlier it was working fine I need to. just replace this board I think okay no. worries is weird though right um yeah. man it's a strange thing when you drive. by this beautiful plot of land and it's. all these cement Stones sticking out of. the. ground like that's also weird too that.

it has to be public it has like your dad. has to be buried in some giant field. with all these other people's dead. people like why why do we have to all to. be together in death. only in death only you get a small spot. and then a couple feet over is another. person and you have to be buried in the. these areas where we designate that. people go to cry and drop. flowers it is Goofy as [ __ ] it's one of. those things is just always we've always. done it that way so we don't stop and.

think like what kind of it's kind of. like marriage is the same [ __ ] similar. both of them you keep to the death yeah. to the. death it's just weird that nobody does. anything else like one of you could not. get married if you choose to if you go. you know [ __ ] marriage man I don't want. to be legally entangled with some person. if I want to break up with them I just. want to be able to just leave I want to. have my own choice yeah I can't do that. to death well that's kind of the same. way like when when people die like you. have to give them you have to do. something you have to either cremate.

them or you have to and I think even. when you cremate them I think you have. to do the form Malahide thing first yeah. I'm kind of scared I I kind of told my. kids I want them to create me too so I. was I don't want to be maggots eating me. and [ __ ] like that no no I don't know. that's the way to go maggots is the way. to go the way to not go is the [ __ ]. from alahh because the faldy like. whatever use that you would have for all. the the organisms that would normally. devour any sort of dead living creature.

a creature that becomes dead that's they. don't get to eat anymore for some reason. we've decided that they don't get to. consume your body like your body is more. important than all the other things that. it consumes we're part of the Eco it's. one more way that we've separated. ourselves from the system this natural. system that we're in we're we're we're. delusional like we think we're not a. part of the system cuz we have houses. and air conditioning and I go to the. supermarket for my food we're we're a. part of the system for sure but it's one. more way we separate ourselves imagine.

if animals had cemeteries and [ __ ] that. would be [ __ ] up there'd be no room. for anything then they're dying like. crazy imagine the cemeteries are just. all the birds that cats. kill [ __ ] you would realize what kind of. mass murderer monsters you're living. with. just everywhere you go you'd be like. what is going on like this is all the. cats killing birds it's like everywhere. you wouldn't be able to walk everywhere. you would walk there'd be like a little. gravestone for a bird that was killed by.

a. cat you know I I agree with you now as. far as like yeah man don't get cremated. it's it's a made process you're supposed. to go in there and just it's it's the. way it goes I think the problem is. diseases though I think what they worry. about is what we're talking about but I. don't think if you're I guess if they. for malah hiide you up and they drop you. in the ground you don't rot so you don't. leak into the water system you just sort. of like just sit there and prune up I.

don't think you rot for a long ass time. but if you did rot I could see that like. if you somehow or another got in a water. system if there's like especially if. you're dealing with a city that's when. it's becomes impractical right cuz if. you're like New York City small spot. less than what is it like what does New. York have like million or 8 million. people live in the city something crazy. like that they're all stuffed into this. area you know way smaller than LA and. they're all just jammed in there right. what would they do if they had dead.

bodies they're all stacked on top of. each other what are they going to do. with the dead bodies they almost have to. cremate them or have to embal them like. you can't bury them anywhere you got to. take him out of town and throw them in. the ocean what are you going to. do that's crazy should be able to throw. him in the ocean right should have a law. like you only get out you got to be 10. miles. offshore but you're going to get eaten. in there by that they'll get eaten by. crabs lobsters and [ __ ] and then in turn. you'll find a good spot to catch.

lobsters that's that's what it used to. be that's how I remember my grandpa oh. he made the best stone crabs we caught. stone crabs right where Grandpa died or. where we dropped his body off that's. what they did with Osama bin Lan right. they chucked him in the ocean yeah. that's [ __ ] crazy that's crazy that's. why I trip out I was like dude that's. people are like our president's not. black I'm like he killed that fool and. threw him over the. boat that's gangster as [ __ ] who kills. someone takes him in the ocean get the. [ __ ] out of here dog I wonder what the.

who made that decision to do it that way. it was a two-day decision wasn't because. I guess Muslim they have like a special. ritual like two days after the body has. to be done. something oh interesting so they did it. quick yeah the whole well you're not. supposed to do that in the Muslim faith. I don't think you're supposed to throw. the bodies overboard I think that's one. of the reasons why they did. it that's one of those ones that's going. to go down in history you know people. are going to look back at historical.

moments that just seem crazy in the. future they just killed him and threw. him in the ocean o whoa that's dark yeah. I mean I guess they said they didn't. want him to be a mortar they didn't want. to Marty yeah yeah martyr. yeah yeah I mean that makes sense I. guess I mean they would understand it. better better than I would I would just. be speculating as to what you shouldn't. shouldn't do with the body of a. mastermind terrorist that you just. killed that you've been looking for for. years that was living in a house imagine.

they just took his brain and they've. been working on it something what. happened to like Saddam oh they hung. that [ __ ] I know what I mean the. body like they probably fed it to his. dogs they're smart yeah that people I. don't know what they did well they you. know Saddam his sons used to have dogs. they would throw people to the dogs and. feed them to the dogs he was like Ramsay. Bolton from Game of Thrones like. legitimately his his kids were. Psychopaths a total murderers Mass. murderers they would they would find.

women um that were about to get married. take them from their husbands rape them. and then feed them to the dogs I think I. seen that in a movie yeah probably it. says they buried his body near his uh. the graves of his other family members. oh you got lucky you got lucky it's a. hard part of the world man again it's. like we were talking about that part of. the world so much different than Santa. Monica hell. yeah you know it really all a. perspective thing isn't it yeah it's a. trip.

like everyone's all talking about like. oh over there in Saudi Arabia women and. them women don't have rights women don't. do this all women do is cook and clean I. was just like be happy you are where you. are they're not tripping they're living. their life over there do I am I against. it yeah but they they haven't changed. what they wanted to do they might be. tripping hard they just can't do [ __ ]. about it I understand that people on on. the outside look at it and see it's. horrible and uh it'll all because of. that like because of people's attitudes.

I think that's what changes things. because people get upset at it because. and then that word gets back to them the. rest of the world chicks can go to. school rest of the world they can drive. they don't have to dress up in those. outfits they could do whatever the [ __ ]. they want they're treated just like. regular people like the rest of the. world most of the rest of the world. that's where it's going you guys are. stuck in a bad spot. yeah do you see uh the thing that. happened with North Korea they let the. world uh accidentally opened up their. websites they only have 28 websites yeah. I I I didn't read up on it I seen like a.

little glimpse of it how crazy is that. that they have 28. websites what the [ __ ] man like what do. they have what the [ __ ] did they show. like what they had anything I don't know. I don't know I mean obviously it's in. those Korean symbols I wouldn't be able. to read it but I don't know if anybody's. translated it what what they had I. haven't read that yet Jamie have you. looking right now well no house has a. laptop no house they're not allowed to. have a personal computer it says an. airline ticket Agency for air cor Coro.

Coro a website for a group called. National Unity a website for Kim ilung. University a website for the voice of. Korea news organization a News website. for the government of North Korea that. place is [ __ ] crazy that that exists. today that there is a a a country that. is right next to another country that. looks exactly like them like North. Koreans and South Koreans are [ __ ]. Koreans right they they look super. similar right it's not like Mexicans and.

Africans it's not like two distinctly. different looking kinds of people no. they they're like incredibly identical. right but above them they have North. Korea and they're living in a. dictatorship a military straight up. dictatorship the entire country is under. the heel of a a dictator a crazy. military ruthless dictator with nuclear. bombs they're detonating nuclear bombs. and tests and [ __ ] then the other side.

you got people making the best. electronics in the world [ __ ] flying. ination they're all getting they're all. getting surgery to get their eyes bigger. you ever seen all that [ __ ] no they're. getting their eyes bigger now oh dude it. is a huge problem in Korea is uh plastic. surgery I shouldn't say a huge problem. CU they it's not like they die they just. look different they're get plastic. surgery is a huge Fad in in South Korea. so they're not getting their titties. done and their ass they're getting. everything done I'm sure but one of the. things they're doing is they're getting. their eyes done so that they look more.

American what's what's the process do. they cut some of the eyelid cut the. eyelid yeah yeah how how how do they how. do they you can see it that's what they. used to look like that's what they look. like now look at the girls [ __ ] way. the girls they start looking like anime. it's really strange man it's real. strange like that they they become super. hot looking yeah even if they were like. not that hot it's very it's just a. bizarre practice man see that's where. they do it they cut down there and cut.

down there and then you see what she. looks like when it's all done but it's. you know I mean it's not like Oh that. girl got a lot of work done she had her. chin shaved down and she had her eyes. done and her ears yeah well I don't know. about her ears they look pretty big. still. her yeah it's plastic surgery is pretty. pretty crazy what they can do they can. alter your your shape look at that girl. oh my god oh dude they shaved the [ __ ]. out of her jaw that's insane yeah they.

turned to. Noti amazing amazing what they can do. right but apparently it's super common. super common in Korea wow look at the. before and after that's. weird yeah when I mess with a girl now. she don't got no baby pictures I don't. fck around with. her so you need to have some baby. pictures. [ __ ] yeah yeah dude when I used to work. at a strip club I was like this dude he.

was hot I didn't know he was a dude but. like he'd always hug me from the back. and somebody's like hey dog this guy. right here he's uh I what you talking. about this girl's a guy this girl was a. guy he was on like transsexuals decom. Orange County Calla and I remember uh. her her stage name was Monica and one. time I was highing I was like Hey. manica I've never ever been like grabbed. so hard like that like thrown out of my.

chair. wow she got aggressive yeah and I. remember after that always saying hey. dog I need to see baby pictures of. [Laughter]. everybody yeah there's some that'll. trick you that's for sure yeah you will. never know unless they choose to tell. you yeah like if you see what they're. doing right now with chins and eyes. imagine what they could do to your. nether regions yeah it's going to get. crazier they could conjure. up oh my God a vagina that looks like a. work of art I'm sure it's probably like.

the best in the world it's probably a. guy who's like you know the Frank fretta. of surgical vaginas just makes this. incredible work of art plus the memory. phone back. in I wonder if they've ever done that I. wonder if anybody's ever had like a. vaginal implant to make your vagina. tighter you know like they'll get boob. jobs like you get a breast implant makes. your boobs poke out think there is. something like that but they the. Rejuvenation thing yeah but I think they. just tighten up the hole Yeah like the.

inside of the other yeah they cut I. think the way they do it this is going. to sound horrible folks I think they cut. you and then they merge the two sides. and Stitch you the [ __ ] up and I think. it hurts like a. [ __ ] the things people are doing. to satisfy each other yeah we need we. need more constantly constantly has to. get better more more tighter [ __ ] make. it tighter it's all I got it's all I got. surgery time for surgery increase in.

vaginal tightening surgeries worries. doctors oh my God worries. them it's going to make dick shrink we. should let natural selection take its. course yeah. yeah I mean they who cares they can they. do it I don't why not if I was of those. girls and I had a crazy big [ __ ] up. jaw and they they shrank it down and all. a sudden I became hot as [ __ ] and. everybody wanted to talk to me I think. i' I'd spend my money wisely I would go. for that yeah I mean hey exactly I mean. if I had to do it I'd do it too but.

isn't it bizarre that there's a very. specific shape that we like and we don't. like when it comes to people whether. it's the shape of the nose or shape of. the jaw like we agree like so much this. is too much too much jaw too much jaw. like there's a lot of variables we don't. like long hair long hair doesn't bother. me short hair doesn't bother me either. either one's okay like those. characteristics we we we have like a lot. of room oh she has curls okay who gives. a [ __ ] dreadlocks whatever who cares she.

shaves her head does she look good yeah. who cares who cares you know what I mean. but like a big jaw she got a big jaw oh. [ __ ] that [ __ ] that can't deal with that. look like that look for whatever reason. that look freaks this out like the hair. it's like inconsequential cuz it's not. it's a part of you sort of but you cut. it you don't don't even feel it it's. kind of weird that it even grows in the. first place kind of weird Lion's man are. you growing off the top of your [ __ ]. head it's weird right so we don't care. all the variables girls can have pink. hair and [ __ ] you know yeah they getting.

dick with any color hair right now yeah. but not with a big jaw no [ __ ] up. shoulders I think shoulder job is going. to be the next one too big too big of. shoulders like Tommy Hearns type. shoulders yeah like intimidating like. some Lennox Lewis shoulders yeah yeah. you don't want that like when she's. wearing her purse and it's like right by. her ear oh maybe you want to conquer her. though you want to hold her down oh I've. had those dude I've had those yeah tell. I've had some big chicks out like. gangster [ __ ] that are fine and cool.

and they're just [ __ ] ruthless you. got to be real careful when you girl and. kick your ass or maybe can kick your ass. or at least hold their own watch your. p's and q's I got with this stripper. once I was like. 63 oh my God yeah she played volleyball. and swam wow and oh man I don't I mean. I'm I'm I'm average size you know but I. got. manhandled like you know how we you know. I was young we were play wrestling and I. was just like thrown and like [ __ ] yeah.

I just kept my cool with that girl wow. yeah she was much stronger than you yeah. it was awesome. dude it was like yeah it was like an. extra pump just like it was weird wow. damn I sh made my vein pop out well. you're getting excited oh I remember. that. [ __ ] yeah that's super. athletes yeah like a WNBA player if you. get a WNBA player to mate with an NBA. player what kind of super athlete would.

you get like good Lord yeah you know or. you know who I met that's a super. athlete what is that volleyball player. woman's name she's very attractive this. is like uh the one Reese yes Gabrielle. ree she's she's huge giant super athlete. if you could get her and made her up. with a Brock. Lesnar are you kidding me what kind of. super athlete would you do if you could. get Gabrielle Ree and Brock Lesnar and. made them together Shaquille NE and Lisa.

Leslie yes super athletes you. know there's some [ __ ] super athletes. out there in the world too there's so. many athletes that are just you just go. what how is that how is that even a. person how's that person how how's that. the same thing as me you know it's the. way they're bred now the way they're. taught the way they're coached it's. crazy there's like kids that are 13. years old taking creatine my friends. like hey can you got money from my son's. creatine he's 13 dog why are you giving. this kid creatine I wonder if that's.

even healthy that's probably unhealthy I. don't even think 13-year-old kids are. supposed to be lifting weights right. they're only supposed to do like uh. calisthenics and things like that like. they think that weight itself can. actually [ __ ] with their bone growth cuz. their bodies aren't designed to wonder. if that's been disproven wonder if. that's been disproven I don't know I was. just talking with my dad about that the. other day literally cuz there's a kid my. age that when we were growing up started. lifting a little earlier than everyone. else and he just all through high school. he [ __ ] everyone up he was cuz he was. that he had a edge he was ahead of us.

all he was a monster because of just. because of that and I don't I mean I. don't think he would have been smaller. now than he was then his he his dad's. small he would have been small his whole. life anyway maybe huh yeah who knows I. don't know if it's a [ __ ] myth or. not see if you can find that out that's. the same myth like don't play Don't. Shoot the ball after you work out don't. shoot around and messes up your jump. shot that's no it's the best thing cuz. you're shooting tired M there's some. people that look at it that way that's. what they would say about um archery too.

you shouldn't do archery after you lift. weights yeah because um you you want to. have control of your muscles and when. your muscles are fatigued it's hard to. control them playing a fatigue game. fourth quarter yeah I see both that was. uh philosophy in a lot of Jiu-Jitsu. schools you would do a lot of. calisthenics especially old school. schools you do a lot of calisthenics and. you'd be [ __ ] completely worn out. before you ever start sparring oh so. before the beginning of class be. push-ups and and and hip scoots hip. escapes and go down the mat and back.

you'd be doing crab bear walks you. walking on your hands and feet that kind. of [ __ ] and you get completely exhausted. push-ups sit-ups and by burning you out. with calisthenics you were forced to use. technique when you. red and then then you would Spar after. all that yeah you would do technique you. would do drills and then you would wind. up sparring but they don't most places. don't do it that way anymore most places. believe the best way to learn is. actually to just warm up do drills go. over the technical aspects of it then. just Spar hard and that you should be.

fresh when you're practicing technique. what is that saying this is an article. from Live Strong and I just went to so. we could get to the end of it and it's. uh it basically says that I'll let you. read it if you want okay contrast with. suggestions of stunted growth among. young weightlifters Betsy Keller points. out that weightlifting may be more effed. than other forms of exercise in. promoting bone growth and density among. adolescents huh so it actually might be. healthier for them these researchers. found that testosterone injections. increase both bone length and density.

suggesting that weightlifting impact on. testosterone may be. beneficial huh Veterans Administration. Medical Center supports evidence in a. 2008 study. interesting the lessons even says it. might allow you to grow taller than you. would have interesting. hm. interesting yeah who knows man you. wouldn't want to [ __ ] your kid up you. know that's the thing yeah like I've. seen people that have their kids totally. jacked at an early age I'm like boy.

again like how much pressure you putting. on that little guy is that what he wants. to do your kid wants to do squats yeah I. kind of think they don't [ __ ] no I I had. all that pressure on me man my brother. used to wake me up like in sixth grade. come on watch you're going to go watch. the Freshman practice I was like why do. I got to go to this practice. this old brothers man make tough kids. though yeah do you look at a kid who's. like the youngest brother he's got a. bunch of brothers that [ __ ] with him. those dudes usually know how to handle. themselves cuz you're growing up in a. combat situation your brothers are.

[ __ ] with you constantly yeah we're. all we're all a year. apart that's terrible yeah that's chaos. this is uh that Little Hercules guy from. a couple years ago yeah that guyy too. much that's what he looks like now he. grew up and gave up on it I'm pretty he. gave up on lifting weights yeah there's. a inside Edition story on him last year. poor little guy that's what he looked. like yeah wasn't he on those myostatin. inhibitor things or maybe or no they. don't have that like in in terms of like. a supplement some people born with.

MileStat Inhibitors it makes uh you grow. much more muscle your body doesn't. regulate the growth of muscle the way. ours does what do you mean some it's. some weird genetic freak that they found. in uh dogs called whippits and some cows. that somehow or another when they're. breeding these dogs. they uh they develop this genetic. variation in what's called a myostatin. inhibitor and it allows for some strange. reason like this what this is a real dog. this is a a whiet that has uh this my.

Statin inhibitor issue and these are. some cows that have it too and what it. is is they just grow way more muscle so. look at the size of that cow I me it's. incredible right so they figured out how. to do it in mice like they figured out. how to introduce these genes to mice and. they developed these mice they live. longer they're they're much more. muscular they have more endurance that's. what their bodies look like [ __ ] yeah. it's really kind of fascinating because. it points to this idea that these little.

animals through this MileStat inhibitor. are like super animals they become like. super mice like that's what it looked. like look at that little one on the. right with all the muscles it's crazy. man it's like a Samoan Mouse it's like a. David Tula like a stacked up Mouse. George we just three hours man dude it's. it it's over hey that was fun man [ __ ]. you got some great stories man we didn't. even tell all of them we there was a. gang of them that you were telling the. story we'll have to do it again man for. sure hey man you educated me like crazy.

right now I was just a weed talking we. had fun man and uh you're going to be in. uh Brea next weekend yes what the days. October 29th and October 30th me and red. band were doing the late shows at the BR. improv beautiful BR improv is the [ __ ]. that should be a really funny show yeah. it's great funny dude. fun so that should be a great time. thanks for coming brother really. appreciate it it was a lot of fun all. right folks we'll see you next week. byebye 3 hours dude yeah dude that [ __ ].

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