Joe Rogan Experience #658 - Greg Fitzsimmons

[Music]. Powerful Greg Fitzen. We were reading this badass Abraham. Lincoln quote. It's a quarrel not at all. No man. resolved to make the most of himself can. spare time for personal contention. And. there's a lot more of the quote, but. you'll forget it by the time towards the. end of it. Um, find that quote and. listen to it or or read it rather. Where can they find it? Uh, Dane Cook's Instagram page. Um, Dane had it uh posted. Dne has a few.

too many uh inspirational posts to my. likings, but uh I don't mind if you not. inspired. This one is very good. This one's very. good. No, I'm just busting his balls. His aren't that bad. They're a little odd. His picture's a. little odd. He's He's in very good shape. Very good shape. We're just talking about what a bad. [ __ ] Abraham Lincoln was. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, when he he came up. literally dirt poor and uh found his. way, you know, one of these guys that. like was working nons I think he worked. in a pharmacy or something and uh 12.

hours a day and yet put himself through. law school by reading books. Like the. guy lived in the library. He's one of. the most well- read presidents of all. time. And he was a real [ __ ]. intellectual. But he he made his way. based on that quote. He he had he came. in and he was attacked and he was. marginalized because all the guys were, you know, they were set. The. politicians, they had the money and the. position and they they just kept. stripping him down and he kept moving. past it, flowing past it. And then think. about what he do with slavery. He had to.

he had to [ __ ] go to war. and you know, basically know that half. the country wants to [ __ ] kill you. and you just you go right around that. You go, "No, we got a bigger goal here.". Have you ever had a conversation with. one of those uh southern deniers? No, that's not what the war was about, man. The war was about economics, right? Okay. The war was about economics. and they but they usually don't have the. whole story. Like I don't know the whole.

story of what the economic aspect of the. Civil War was. Do you remember? But they. don't either. You know what I mean? Like. they just want to they just want to have. that to say it. Yeah. Matt Graham had a joke about that. Remember Matt Graham? Yeah, I remember Matt Graham. He goes, "Yeah, they say it's about. economics." Yeah. You weren't paying the. help. That's [ __ ]. Yeah. I mean, it was about economics in. the sense that cotton was our [ __ ]. was everything in this country. We're. just exporting cotton and without the. slaves, the business model didn't work.

Is that really what it was about? Is. that what the war was about or did it. have wasn't there some other economic. point of contention? Wasn't there. something? I don't I don't even want to. Google it. Well, it was basically about. state states rights versus federal. rights. And states should be able to. decide whether or not slavery was legal. And then when they got out to the um uh. what was the territory that they the. state that was going to be um you know. incorporated and they were they were. fighting whether or not they should be. uh Kansas Nebraska Act.

Once they hit Kansas and Nebraska, that's when they that's when they had to. uh. decide whether or not new states were. going to be able to have slavery or not. Oh. So it really was all about slavery. Yeah, 100%. Pretty much. So whatever economic thing, it's just. like based on the the economics of you. not being able to have slaves anymore. So it's not really an economic issue. Is. that why did I think it was like. something about there was some issue. about banking. I probably should look it. up. But uh. well the banking I think came later. I.

think that was with Hamilton. Alexander. Hamilton uh created the national bank, you know, and uh that was not popular in. the southern states. Just imagine that less than 200 years. ago, 1865 is when slavery was abolished. Right. Right. Stop thinking about that. That's so recent, man. I know. So recent. God, that's terrifying. It's. terrifying to think that we are just now.

getting out of the muck of the caveman. life. Like barely pulling our feet out. of the muck. We had slaves 200 [ __ ] years ago. I mean, you got so crazy. You've got black people today that can. say like, "I had a grandparent. that was a slave, right?". Yeah. Abso fuckingutely. Abso. fuckingutely. Abso fuckingutely. There's got to be a. few of those. I mean what how old would. you be? You would have. 1865 is 1450 years,

right? So that's like if they had a kid. when they're maybe not grandfather, right? Probably great-grandparent at this. point. Great grandparent at this point, right? Although black people do have kids. really young. Yeah. It's like a generation is so rude. Well, that would be bad for it because. you really would want to have kids very. late. in order for the kid to stay alive long. enough to to be alive to remember a. parent that or a grandparent. They. probably maybe grandparent might be.

possible 40 40 and 40, right? If you. look at 120 like 40 is like about as old. as men usually have kids. That would take you up to 1900. Then the. next kid would take you up to. 1940. 1940. Yeah, that's a kid. Grandkid would be 1980 and. that kid's still alive. Yeah, that's totally possible. Would that be a great grandkid? One one. Yeah. Either way, I always think on podcast when you're.

when you're like going through like. everything I just said about slavery, big chunk of it probably will be wrong. And like in a regular conversation that. would just slide by. But people are. going to be listening to this that like. are [ __ ] historians or have. Wikipedia. Yeah. And they're gonna annihilate me on. Twitter. Okay. So, I guess there were some. issues. There were some contrasting. economic issues. The United States was. still primarily agricultural in the. years before, during, and immediately. after the Civil War. About 3/4 of the.

population lived in rural areas, including farms and small towns. Nevertheless, the industrial revolution. that had hit England decades before. gradually established itself on the. former colonies. Factories are built all. over the north and south. The vast. majority of the industrial manufacturing. was taking place in the north. South had. almost 25% of the country's free. population, but only 10% of the. country's capital in 1860. The North had. five times the number of factories as. the South and over 10 times the number. of factory workers. Wow. So the nor it.

was really like a bunch of people that. were adopting or adapting rather to this. new way of living, the industrial. revolution, engines and cities and. urbanization and then people that were. really rural and these are the people. that had slaves. The vast majority of. the country is really rural. That's. crazy. And the slave trade was growing just. like wildfire. You know, they just. couldn't bring enough slaves into the. country.

That's so crazy. Yeah, I forget the statistics on the. number of slaves versus the number of. white people, but it was going to get it. was going to get to where there was. going to be a revolution anyway. Here what it says. Most southern white. families did not own slaves. Only about. 384,000. out of the 1.6 million did. Just stop. and think about that for a second. Only. one out of four. But only 384,000.

people owned slaves. Like you're not there's not that many. people alive back then. This is a total million. That's one out. of four. And. that's just in in the United States. I. mean I mean people were doing this all. over the world, right? I mean this is. what they did back then. This is like. I mean it had to be fair. forever. I mean we are we are only now. in the in the realm where we come down. on the countries that still have. slavery. you know, the countries like. Kuwait and uh Qatar. But what this is a weird statistic, the.

way they've got it framed, only about. 384,000 out of 1.6 million did have. slaves. Only like no biggie. Whatever. Whatever. No biggie. Just more than a third of a million. Yeah. Hundreds of thousands of people own. people. You know, it's barely just one. out of four. No big deal. And you know, they probably owned the. average probably owned at least three,

which means there was a one:1 ratio of. slaves to white people. They just didn't. have the guns. Let me throw this at you. How many. people own dogs? Everybody. What do you What number do you think out. of all the households that have dogs? It's not% 50% maybe. 50. You got a dog. I got a dog. You got a. dog? No. Jamie's a solo lone wolf out there.

He is the dog. Gets on top of the roof and howls at. night. Um, I would say it's probably less than 50%. I'd say less. Let's just take guess. You. You say 50 or 40. I I bet you in rural areas it's higher. Mhm. If you live in San Francisco on a. studio apartment, what does it say there, Jamie? Pet. ownership. 67 million households had. pets. Yeah, but that could be like a. turtle. I want to know how many people have. dogs. 62%. include at least one pet. So, that could.

be dogs, cats. But that's the 1970s. There's not that many people back then. Here we go. 70 to 80 million dogs. Wow. Okay. So, what is that? 37 to 40%. of of houses have dogs. Yes, I was right, [ __ ]. I want to see how right we were on all. that other [ __ ] Kansas Nebraska. act. That's probably the whole That's.

probably in the 70s, the 1970s. I don't. know. I could have been totally wrong, but it. makes sense that it's like 40%. But it's. um not much different. I mean, where. they're talking about like 25%. Is that. what they were saying? Had slaves, right? 25% of the population somewhere in that. neighborhood. Well, 300 and something thousand out of. 1.6 million. So, one out of four. Half the number of people that have. dogs, right? In relationship to the population. That's madness. Yeah. That's madness. I mean, no wonder why.

black people are still pissed. and they treat dogs better. Oh, in some ways. Sure. You are you kidding me? You beat a dog. on TV, the [ __ ] ASPCA will. today. For sure. Oh yeah, for sure. That's why the 12 Years a Slave really. hit me because, you know, the the thing that Tarantino. did first, the um what was it called? Django. Django. It was like, you know, there was a comic. book element to it. So, they were. playing it big. But but. 12 Years a Slave was like, wow. Yeah.

They used to [ __ ] beat and starve and. rape them. Yeah. It wasn't just that they were owned. It. was a holocaust. Yeah. It's it's terrifying. It's. terrifying that human beings are capable. of doing that just a couple hundred. years ago. Yeah. Less less than 200 years. You think we'd ever do it again? Yes. I think if things fell apart, I. think if things fell apart, what I think. is what we got now with electricity and. air conditioning and civilization laws.

and rules and and a a a general amount. of prosperity. Like as bad as the. economy is, as hard as it get it is to. get a job for a lot of folks, there's a. lot going on. There's a lot of [ __ ]. happening. And if you you might be able. to find your way into this crazy mix of. humanity that is uh you know an urban. center in Los Angeles or Chicago or New. York or whatever this but there's a lot. of [ __ ] happening. A lot of [ __ ]. happening. But all that stuff needs. electricity. All that stuff needs it.

You have to have the infrastructure has. to be in place to get the people the. food. There has to be no stress at all. You have to mitigate their stress in as. many ways as possible. Give them. activities to do so they burn themselves. out. Then and only then can you have. those kind of beautiful civil and we. know that we're moving towards these. kind of beautiful civilizations being. everywhere that it's like slowly but. surely we're going to eradicate most of. the violence and most of the [ __ ]. that that's involved in being a person. unless some [ __ ] goes down, right? like a super volcano or an.

asteroid impact and there's just nothing. left. or videotapes of cops beating black. people again and again and again. and again and again and again. The other. guy in Texas the other day. Did you see. that at the pool party? Yeah. [ __ ] being a cop, dude. How about that? How about showing up at a pool party. with a bunch of drunk kids and you got. to [ __ ] wrangle them. Good. You. remember when you were 17 or 18 or. however the how old these guys are? how. I don't know how old the pool party. people were, but you know, they're.

young. Let's go any age between 18 to. 30. The cops show up and you're. hammered. [ __ ]. I remember one time we used to drink up. at the bleachers behind the high school. Typical Norman Rockwell scene. and uh the cops used to come up and. they'd have to get out of their car and. cross the football field and then we. [ __ ] scattered into the woods by. then. Yeah. But one time I waited down because. it was so like they came every night and. they they went up and I went in the car. and I took the uh the hat. You took a cop's hat.

I took the cop's hat. cuz you knew that they were going to go. up the hill. Oh, that's hilarious. If that was If it was Instagram today, you could wear pictures of it while you. jerked off. Make a dummy and put the hat on and beat. it. Put the hat over your face. like. completely cover your face. You see you. whacking off into a sock. while you're looking for your hat. Yeah. Here's the New York City Police. Department for you. You'd wear it whenever you'd [ __ ] your.

girlfriend. Put the hat on. Pull over. Yeah. You reenact the whole thing. You. get a siren. Pull her over. You see your license in your vagina. Do that bad lieutenant scene. Oh my god. She sucks it. You have to suck it to get. out of the ticket. Well, did she like sucked her thumb, right? Or did she suck his thumb? She. didn't suck. I think she sucked his thumb. Right. Yeah, it was one of those. Right. Imagine though, you're a board cop down. south. You got [ __ ] nothing to do all. day. And some Daisy Duke. You pull over.

some little Daisy Duke. She's scared. Oh my god. She can't She can't have her daddy find. out she got a ticket. She'll do. anything. Come on. It's happened for sure. Your wife's fat cuz you live down south. They get fat though. Some of them stay. thin. It's a new day. This is an era. It's the only ones. No, they they get a lot of starchy. foods. Yeah. It's not their fault. They fry. everything. They fry everything. And uh you know, like donuts are cons like we you and I.

when's the last time you ate a donut? I had a donut recently. Crispy cream. about. I want to say a month ago. I had one. They have them every day. Yeah. You can't do that. No. I like a good blueberry muffin though. I'll allow myself a blueberry. Oh, when I'm on the road, I eat a. blueberry muffin for breakfast. They're. great three, four days a week. They're so good. They're so good. And they're really just. cake. Just cake. Tricking yourself. I'm like, look, I'm getting some antioxidants in. here. Fresh fruit antioxidants.

It's a cake. It's a breakfast cake. It's. all sugary and [ __ ]. I don't I don't eat the bottom part. Remember Frank Cerelli had a bit. He's. like, I'm losing weight and you know, you got to be disciplined. You got to. take it seriously. When I take the top. off that hogen, you know how there's. always a little bit of ice cream stuck. to it? I throw that right out. So, not only is it funny that there's. barely any on there, but that it it. implies that he's going to finish the.

rest of it. cuz he doesn't need the top anymore. Frank Santos. No, Santa. Santos was the hypnotist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Frank Cerelli was a funny guy. What's he up to? He did that nice Sopranos. Sopranos. Yeah. And then um I don't know, man. I know. that uh very few guys had the delivery. of that [ __ ] What a pro. What a in control, eloquent guy.

Yeah, he's a very powerful performer. That's why it's always weird when you. don't hear about a guy like that. Like I always wonder what what is he up. to? I don't know. Put on some weight. That [ __ ] the grind of getting over. that initial hump, you know? That's like. one of the hardest things for a comic. The grind of getting over that initial. hump to till you become like a known. national actor where you work a lot, right? You know, did you read that book? Uh I just got.

turned on to that book by um uh Tom. Drees. It's called uh um. it's about the comedy store back in the. 70s. I'm going to get you a copy of this. book. What's it called? Somebody brought it up. Who brought that. up? It's called Don't Make Me Jump or. Jesus Christ. It's cuz it's about the guy who killed. himself during the uh the comedy strike. at the Laugh Factory. Do you know what the rudest thing that I. ever heard about that guy?

What? Everybody's like, "He wasn't really that. good. That's why he jumped. Like nobody cared. if that guy jumped, right? He was just like making it all about. him, right? Right. Make a big statement. That's hilarious. You won't pay the comics. They're like, "That guy didn't even work.". I'm dying up here. It's called. Oh, yeah. I've heard the name. Oh, I can't believe you ever It's like. literally from day one, it traces the. beginnings of the uh Comedy Store all. the way through. And the crazy thing is,

here's how they describe it. It's a room where the kind of down and. dirty comics got together. There was a. back hallway where people were all. talking, hitting on women that were. going in and out of the bathroom. Pot. smoke everywhere. I mean, it is to a tea. from the 1970s to today almost exactly. the same. I mean, that's incredible. That's amazing. That's amazing. Did you audition? Yes. You did? Yes. Yeah. I didn't pass. Here's what people don't understand. And.

Joe Rogan was a headliner with TV. credits who was headlining all the New. York clubs. You come out to LA, you want. to work the comedy store. What? What's. the process? I had to do five minutes. I did five. minutes for Mity and she made me a. non-paid regular. So what that means is. you get to go on at the end of the show, which is what time? After. the last set was 12:30. That could have. happened at any time between 12:30 the.

actual time it's scheduled to 1ish. depending on who shows up. Could be. 1:30. I got on at 1:30 many times and I. would get on and not get paid and just. do the sets after everybody was done. And this is after you were an. established headlining comedian. I did it every night. I did it every. night. Yeah. I said I just want this. like I just felt like I just want her to. uh know that I'm I'm serious about this. You had a lot of respect for her. Totally. That place was mecca, man. When we were.

starting out in Stitches, everybody. would talk about the comedy store in LA. with hushed whispers. It was more. important to me to be a paid regular. than it was to be on a sitcom. Yeah. I really didn't. The sitcom thing was. great. I was like, "Oo, great. I got. money now. This is awesome. I don't have. to worry about my bills anymore.". Yeah. But it wasn't what I was really after. Yeah. What I was really after was a comedy. store. I was like, "I got to be a paid. regular here, right?" And so I did those uh non-paid. regular sets every [ __ ] night until. like 3 or 4 months later she uh sat down.

look at me again and uh there's a dude. named the Todd and he's not around. anymore. He got real sick. He had like a. brain issue like a tumor or something. like that. Like real bad. And he got he. got real sick. It was really sad to. watch cuz that guy is the reason I got. into the comedy store. Wait, what's his name again? The Todd. and he sat right next to Mity. and he just laughed really hard at. everything I did and he told me, he. goes, "Dude, I hooked you up." He goes,

"I sat next to Mity. I told her you're. brilliant and I laughed at all your. jokes." And he goes, "That's how you got. to do it if you want to get people in. that are good. Next time when someone. comes by, like you got to do that to. them." And I was like, "You got it. Perfect. That's what you got to do. Once she likes you and once she she. loves you, you you become family. Like. you can introduce her to funny people. She'll she'll listen. But other than. that, I mean, you could [ __ ] you. could just not catch her. You know, you. could just not be there in the nights. she wanted to come in or her health was. slowly starting to fade. At the time,

she was still mobile and she would talk. to you and she was very lucid. You know, in '94 when I first started, she was. very there. She was there. She would. look at you and talk to you about comedy. and, you know, knew what you were doing. right and knew what you were doing wrong. and knew where to put you. But as time went on, you know, she came. around less and less. So it was harder. and harder for the guys that were trying. to get seen, you know, the guys who were. trying to get past. Now it became. someone else besides Mity to start. passing you. And that was like a hard.

transition period. And this would be like at 12:30 on that. she would be looking at people or she. No, no, she would have to schedule you. on an open mic night. Okay. I would go up every other night. Every. night I could I would go, you know, when. whenever I can get up. I didn't get get. up every night cuz like some nights like. maybe Damon Waynees will show up or. these other people show up. Well, that was the wrap on the place cuz. when I first came out I was I was uh I. was always I don't know if I was. intimidated or indignant about having to. audition for Mity. Yeah. But I sort of got in at the uh the other.

clubs and then I just never did it. And. part of the reason too is I had heard. that you could get bumped for an hour or. two by like a Wayne brother stopping in. and I was just like, you know what, I. just don't I I didn't want to do that. There's this thing that comedians really. some comedians I should say really like. to do and that's like show up at a show. whenever they want and just go on stage. and that's what they do every night. They show up and they go on stage. because it's like. and not for 10 minutes and they go for. [ __ ] 45. Some of them do. Yeah. It becomes this.

weird cart blanch like you're not even. on the schedule and you just make it all. about you. Yeah. And you could do that. because you made it, you know? It's a it's a really. interesting. I don't think there's any. other um business an entertainment. business in the world that's quite like. that. Like I think if a band like if. this band was playing uh in some local. club and they're doing their set and the. Black Keys showed up and they just. wanted to go up, they'd be like, "Well, you can do it after the show's over. We. have a show, right?" You know, I I mean,

I would imagine I'm just talking on. like Chappelle will do a club. Mhm. He'll call them on Wednesday and say, "I. want to do this weekend." And I'll pay. he pays out the other acts on the show. They can only tweet it and then it sells. out in a couple hours. Yeah. But like why not? Like my whole thing is. if you stopped by at 9:20, right in the. tit spot of the show, and you do 45, like when did it occur to you that you. might stop by? What about did it happen. at noon where you could have called in. and and accommodated people a little bit.

or did you have to just show up right. before you want to go on? That's the. power move. You want to walk in and be. the next act on the show. Some people love doing that. That's like. their favorite thing. They don't want to. even call in for spots. They just want. to do that, right? And some guys will do it for 10 minutes, which is great. Louis CK wants to stop. in on my show that I'm on and do 10. minutes. That's [ __ ] great. It jacks. the crowd up. It makes it a special. night for them and it's good for the. club. So, I don't care. But do 10 minutes. Yeah. Um, it's just I think there's the.

one benefit in it for them is that if. you become like super famous, like if. you're like Louis CK, stand up comedy. famous, and you uh you have shows. places, you're going to get your crowd. all the time. Yeah. Whereas if you just. show up randomly and no one knows you're. going to be there, that's the only time. you're going to get an impartial crowd. or, you know, semi impartial crowd. Yeah. No, that's a good point. I think that's very critical for a lot.

of guys in the development process. because that's one of the things that. Steve Martin said would like killed him. and made him not want to do standup. anymore. It's like he got so big when he. was in that Let's Get Small era, right? That era like he was a monster. Like. maybe people don't know like you you. need to go and uh listen to Let's Get. Small. I'm sure it's probably available. online somewhere, but it's an amazing. album. Yeah. When Steve Martin was just on fire, he. was so good. He was so funny and so.

silly. and so specific. He had a voice. Yeah. That you couldn't really. You couldn't pinpoint what it exactly. his character was. It was just like this. kind of dumb, egotistical guy, but he. also had really absurd almost Steven. Wright kind of thoughts. Mhm. Yeah, dude. He was amazing. Yeah, he really was. People don't know how amazing he was. That was his best work by far. And it. almost hurts my feelings that I mean, he. was a great actor and he did some great. movies, but it almost hurts my feelings.

that he he didn't stick with standup. See, I don't think he's a great actor. I. I you know and and I have the utmost. respect for him and I do think he. probably affected me as much as any. other comic when I first started out. I. saw him live and memorized all his. albums, but I don't know. I always found. his acting to be a little. self-conscious, a little stiff. Well, I've seen him in some really good. things. I'd have to go over his IMDb to. figure out what the [ __ ] they were, but nothing, let's just, we both agree. to that. Nothing as good as his stand. up. No way.

Was so good. Yeah. The jerk. He was great in the. jerk. He was great in the jerk. Yeah, that was. just he was really good in the track, but that was the young Steve Martin that. was still doing standup. Yeah. And he had those remember he had. those little indie films he made before. that. There was there was uh Dead Men. Don't Wear Plaid. Oh yeah. Um what was the other one? Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. Wow. Which was I think shot in black and. white and they used clips of old like. film noir detective movies from like the. 50s. Yeah. Damn.

Steve Martin. That guy was a [ __ ] wizard, man. Yeah, he really was good. He was really good. when he was on when he was in his prime. It was just I was a little kid at the. time and my parents were into comedy. albums. Like my parents had the uh Cosby. uh I think is is it himself? Bill Cosby. himself. It was a a big record for him a. long time ago. I forget which one. His first one was Yeah. himself.

That his first one, I think. So, whatever it was, it was like uh. second one was uh. him and he would do the Noah's Arc. thing. Going to sleep with Bill Cosby. That's a different one. Nap time with Bill Cosby. Here, you you look tired, Bill Cosby. Hey. Hey. Has there ever been uh a public figure. that has gone from being the mo one of. the most loved of all time? Like Bill.

Cosby pre- rape accusations, right, was one of the most loved guys. Yeah. But. Michael Jackson, it was never definitive. It was He was always weird. Yeah, it was always weird. Bill Cosby was like. the voice of like he was moral. Yeah. He was like this sweet grandpa. type character that didn't want you. using bad language. Like how. how crazy is he? He was probably a guy who's gotten more.

of those um honorary doctorates. Yeah, he's the the honorary doctorate guy. He definitely has at least one of those. because I know they were he was asking. people to refer to him as Dr. Cosby. I always thought he was just [ __ ]. around though. I probably thought he. probably out of control. I know this guy. that used to do all of his uh his. day-to-day. Yeah. Like he was the assistant to the agent. who had to actually deal with it. That. dude had three full-time houses. One in. Colorado, one in New York, one in LA.

Each one had a chef and a maid and a. driver all on call. Like literally on. call because he had his own jet and he. would do a gig in St. Louis and none of. the three houses knew which house he was. going to go to that night. He would just. [ __ ] go and you had to be ready. Wow. Yeah. Food stocked, house clean, ready to roll. That's pretty badass. Yeah. I'm not saying I would ever live like.

that. That's a lot of overhead. Be a lot. of pressure. That's a lot of overhead. And the kind of houses he's living in. too, like Jesus Christ, right? But I bet he made a [ __ ] ton of money on. the Cosby Show because that was his. show. He owned that show. He owned it. And he also owns Fat. Albert, right? Remember? And he you don't you can't. even find that anymore. Try finding Fat. Albert. Where the [ __ ] is Fat Albert? You never hear about that anymore. He He. didn't buy the Little Rascals. He bought the Little Rascals,

didn't he? Or was that a rumor? Was that. Snoped? I think that might be one of those. But the thing is like you got to look at. the guy's touring schedule. He has never. let up. He has done 200 nights a year. where he's making what is Cosby good. for? I mean, in his prime, he was good. for 100 grand. at least. 100 grand a night, right? At least. two shows on a week. He would be in. Phoenix one night, Tucson the next, flying to each place. Oh, you snoped it right when I was. snoping it. Okay, it's false. Bill,

didn't we cover this before? I feel like. we covered this on an earlier podcast. cuz I was remembering it. And I was. like, man, I feel like that's been. snoped. Okay. Yeah, it's false. Totally. I was. So, where are those [ __ ] videos then? Where are they? Because they're weird. They're weird. They're weird. They're weird slice of uh. Americana. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was a [ __ ].

These were like ghetto kids. Yeah. They were the likable black ghetto kids. So, Bill Cosby never owned any part of. the Little Rascals. He never earned any. part of the rights to the Little. Rascals. H Where the [ __ ] are those videos then? They should release those. Those things. are time capsules. Like, you're you're. looking into a different style of human, right? You know, like my kids got into Popeye.

recently. I played Popeye for him. Yeah. Yeah. The really old ones from the 30s. Some of them sponsored by the NRA, by. the way. No. Yes. The beginning of Popeye. There's a. [ __ ] NRA logo. The National Rifle Association helped. sponsor Popeye in the 1930s. That's hilarious. It is a different era. And like we were. watching, we were like, Jesus Christ, it's so [ __ ] violent. Like, it's all.

violence. It's all everyone's trying to. steal. Bluto is always trying to rape. Bluto's always trying to rape olive oil. And Popeye has to beat the [ __ ] out of. them. And this is this is every day. Blow me. down. Blow. He's always getting [ __ ] hit in the. head with flower pots and [ __ ] And. right. Well, they're sailors. Yeah. It was the sailor world. Yeah, man. Rapey. I've watched. Can you imagine olive oil getting raped? Holy [ __ ]. Well, she's like rope. It's weird. Like. you can't hold on to her. She's like,

she moves like a snake. Like she doesn't. have any articulating joints. Everything. just moves. It's like that that style of. cartoon is so weird, you know? Everybody's arms were like ropes. Like. especially olive oil. There was no like. joint. It wasn't like they bent at the. knee. No, they moved all over the place. Yeah, she was super anorexic. The ugling of olive oil. What do you uh. What is this? That I don't think that's the original. either. That seems like much more uh.

recent stuff. The really old stuff is. the black and white stuff and that's uh. a lot of the stuff that I've been. watching. It's real weird because um the. way they move too is like it's real hand. animated. So like it's not very smooth. Yeah. And they bounce back and forth like. while they they don't just stand there. and talk. They have like a little dance. that they do. Yeah. They lean back and. forth and back and forth and back and. forth. just to create a sense of movement. I. don't know why they're doing it, but. it's interesting to watch. It's like.

it's such a unique and specific style of. cartooning, and you realize like, well, this is the original style. Films had. only been around for a few decades when. they were doing this. Like, this is. really, really, really, really. The early Disney stuff, it looks like. they took a uh a notebook, you know, when you write the pictures on each. page. That's what it looked like. Yeah. That's probably why he was bouncing. around. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. I mean, it. was just much less specific. I mean, I. don't even know how many people they had. working on those things, but how long. must it have taken to make one of those.

cartoons back then? [ __ ]. But those cells are worth a lot of. money. First cells of Disney. Probably worth millions. Yeah, probably millions, right? Yeah. I got a Simpsons cell. They're not. that hard to get. Really? You got a Simpsons cell? Yeah. Well, because every episode is. made up of [ __ ] thousands of cells. So, they sell all of them, I think. Sam Simon gave me one. Oh, wow. That's cool. Somebody gave me a. self in the American Werewolf in London. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, it's pretty dope. Just to have a.

piece of that. My son is uh he's getting into move. He. wants my list of movies. So, we watched. Scarface together two nights ago. Really? That was badass. Cuz I watched that. [ __ ] movie every Friday night for. probably a year and a half. Me and my. buddies would get together, get high, drink beer, and watch Scarface and just. recite it. What was that episode of the um Larry. David's show, Curb Your Enthusiasm, where he had a rapper that he was. hanging around with. He had a wonky eye.

What was it? The evil eye. The guy was killer. Crazy eye killer. That's it. And that's all he did is he watched. Scarface. He had Scarface playing above. his bed 24/7. Oh, no. It's huge in the rap world. The, you know, Scarface is it. The bad guy was the winner. He was the. hero, right? What other movie ever has there. been where a coke smuggling immigrant. who was a a prisoner in Cuba. murderer is the hero of the movie?

Well, The Godfather, but that was uh you. know, and that's the same thing. I mean, these these rappers are into The. Godfather, Good Fellas, Scarface, anything gang related. And these are all. the movies my son wants to see. Jesus. Cuz he listens to this hardcore rap. Like, what the [ __ ] And I don't want to. be the guy who goes that music, you. know, I just like all right, I guess. that's what he's listening to. Nothing I. can do about it. He's a young white boy. He wants to be. legit. What are you going to do? Right. Rough. It's rough action, man. A.

lot of his friends are black. None of his friends. No, a lot of his friends are black. Oh, a lot of his friends are. And his first little girlfriend was. black. Oh [ __ ] One of those. Huh. She was cute. Is um Does your kid want to be a rapper? Like uh. No. Was it Tom Hanks son that wants to. be a rapper? Tom Hanks son shows up pistols. He shows. up pistols in his Instagram. Yeah. Like, um, dude, your dad's Forest Gump. Okay. Just shut the [ __ ] up.

Don't tell me about the hard life in. Belair that you led. No, you there's. certain [ __ ] you can you can't be a. gangster rapper when you're Tom Hanks's. son. Yeah. And trying to prove yourself a gangster. rapper, you're going to wind up in jail. You better be careful. He better not try. to gonna overcompensate to try. Exactly. But what are what are Will Smith's kids. like? I mean, they rap, right? Well, doesn't one of his kids like. believe that the world is an illusion or. some [ __ ] Like he says, right?

He says ridiculous [ __ ] on his uh. Twitter page that people like uh retweet. all the time and go lol w. Oh [ __ ]. That kind of [ __ ] right? Yeah. Jaden, he just deleted his Twitter. yesterday, though. Oh, because people. being mean. Oh, that sucks. People being mean to him. The kids, he's. got a creative imagination. Let him out. Apparently, um, you know, from talked to. people that like worked with Will Smith. and they said that guy's a genius. Said. he just reads constantly. It's like. stacks of books he flies around with.

Yeah. Everywhere he goes, constantly reading. He's a consmate gentleman. Like I've. never heard a bad word about that guy. No. Super super super nice guy. Apparently, this one dude I know, uh, Johnny Mack. He's this real [ __ ] gangster. He was. in jail for a bunch of years, but he's a. writer. He writes on he wrote on Martin. and he wrote on Fresh Prince. And he. said that uh they hired him because they. wanted Fresh Prince to have a little bit. more legitimacy in the black world. So. they hired this [ __ ] gangster to. write on the show, Johnny Mack. And so.

he comes in and uh I I forget what. happened, but like uh Will Smith kept. kept [ __ ] on him because he was he. was the cool guy and I think he maybe. felt a little threatened by him. And uh. he he did something and Johnny Mack just. [ __ ] picked him up, put him against. the wall by his neck and scared the [ __ ]. out of him and he never said anything to. him again. Wow. Is that true though? According to Johnny Mack, who's this Johnny Mack character? Great dude. Love Johnny Mack. Funny as.

[ __ ] He's one of these guys that like. he's part of Jamie Fox's crew and like. always has on like $300 sneakers that he. got at one of these tent deal, you know, where celebrities go to the tent. They. get some free [ __ ]. Those tents are glorious. Yeah, they're great. But Johnny works it. Yeah. Dudes will go and stack up at. those tents. Oh yeah. Sometimes they give away watches and. [ __ ]. Oh, [ __ ] yeah. Watch trips. Yeah. Those things are weird. Yeah,

the representatives are all like super. smiling. Mhm. Super ingratiating. If you don't know. what we're talking about, there's these. things they do at like award shows. sometimes, especially or they'll have. like a tent and all the. day before the award show. Do they do it the day before? Well, it depends. Some at the award show. itself, they I think they give out. baskets, but um I know that the Nike has. a giant tent in Marina del Rey, and it's. always the day before the awards show. You come in and you walk in and you pick.

out the base shoe that you want, what. color stripes, what color laces, and. Well, Nike had a whole place that you. could go to. Well, I guess it was like that, but it. was free. Yeah. They had a whole place you could. go to um that they would send. celebrities. They had this like That's. what I'm talking about. Yeah. But they had that was 24/7 all. year round. Not 24/7, but you know, they. had hours. But. this lady Tracy used to work there. She. was so nice. She g g g g g g g g g g g g. g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g. g g g g g g g g gave me free sneakers. for like most of my time on TV. All give. you free Nikes. You just show up or they. would send them to you. They send you.

like the latest styles. Yeah. You know, they just want you to be. wearing [ __ ] like that. There was this company up in San. Francisco called Upper Playground. You. ever heard of them? No. It's real real cool. Like um kind of. like Keith Herring graffiti art type of. stuff. A little bit hip-hop, but not really, you know, not oversized and all that. But they used to outfit a bunch of the. comics and it was great. I'd go on best. week ever with a [ __ ] up on my chest. and I would just get boxes of. sweatshirts and shirts and hats. It was.

great. Well, you remember when like Von Dutch. became popular cuz Ashton Koocher used. to wear those hats? Yeah. It was ridiculous. Like the Von Dutch. thing was like a collective hypnosis. Like everybody got hypnotized by like. one of the dumbest looks possible. A big. goofy trucker hat with the words von. Dutch on it. Didn't make any sense. But. it became super desirable. Why do you think it did? Maybe because of Aston Kusher, beautiful. man, perfect bone structure. Yes. Maybe.

they wanted to be like him. Maybe it. looked cool on him in his ironic fashion. style of, you know, having his hat on. sideways like he doesn't give a [ __ ]. He's wearing a trucker hat. He's not. even trying. He's not wearing the. perfect fitted ball cap that has sequins. around the the the ridge of the brim. No, he's wearing like a goofy looking. hair is a little bit shaggy. on purpose. Yep. Yep. He nailed it. Boy, did that guy nail it. Yeah. He's good-looking enough that he. could look like [ __ ]. right? And still be amazing. So, a trucker hat was like a way of.

showing that, you know, like he didn't. give a [ __ ] I'll just put this on. So, how worried I am about my looks, right? And in wearing that trucker hat with. that Von Dutch logo, like he looked. good. And so then all of a sudden, these. monkeys started buying it. Monkey see, monkey do. And everybody's wearing these. goddamn shirts. And it was weird. And it lasted for a. while, man. Lasted, it was like a frenzy. for like a year or a year and a half or. so. Bless you. Thank you. It also kind of spun out into a whole. style where guys would wear boots like.

military kind of boots or construction. boots that were already you'd buy them. used, all beat up. and jeans that were beat up and, you. know, uh, gas station shirts. Well, that's a big thing with women is. buying pants that are just ripped to. [ __ ]. Yeah. like already like the moment you. buy them. the moment you buy them at the store or. get them. A lot of people buy things. online now. They don't even go to. stores. Yeah. But they're already torn apart. Like. there's holes all over them. Like what.

is that? What the [ __ ] is that? Showing that to Abraham Lincoln. Well, it's like a vintage like I like. vintage concert t-shirts. Yes. Because I like the bands. But otherwise, weathered clothing that's per. purposefully weathered, it just feels to. me like, "All right, you're spoiled. You. don't work with your hands, and you're. trying to make up for it by wearing some. work shit.". Yeah. It's weird that it. Let me feel your hands for a second. I. want to see if you got any [ __ ]. calluses on your hand. See, but but on.

the other hand, like with a girl, I like. it because I like seeing like their legs. poking out all over the over the pants, you know, like this big gaps in it. You. see all the skin. It's exciting. It's. like, oo, look, their legs are right there. underneath all this craziness. Yeah, their leg. You can see her skin in a. bunch of different areas. Like the same way I like seeing women in. dresses or skirts. Like women in skirts, it's hot. So basically just the less clothes. I. just like legs.

That's the theme. You like legs? Yeah. Girls like very muscular, athletic. legs. I play feminine. I was telling you I did this. strong, right? Jamie's getting hard. Look at him. Get the camera on you. Um I did this uh I told you this. charity. It was a golf tournament. yesterday and I was playing golf with. this chick. Her name was Amy Garcia and. you you might know her. She was in uh. the George Lopez show and Dexter and now. she's the lead in this Rushmore uh show. that's coming out. So she was in my.

forsome and uh man does she have great. legs. Holy [ __ ] And all day long she's. just like 10 feet in front of me. Standing over that ball. Jesus god damn. And the position that. you have to get in to to putt, right? Bend over a little bit. Yeah. Got to pick up that ball when you pick. up that ball. Anyway, cool. Oh my god. And cool as [ __ ] like one of those. girls that that's like one of the guys. knows that knows a lot about sports. Always nice. Yeah, it's always nice when you can find that. So, good luck Amy with the new show. I.

hope Rushmore is a hit. so we see more. Congratulations on your legs. Great legs. Greg Simmons is very happy with your. legs. Puerto Rican. but a dude wearing pants like that, you. want to smack them right in the mouth. What are you doing with holes all over. your [ __ ] pants? All right. Why do you got those crazy holes all. over your pants? What are you doing? You did that on. purpose. bought those like all the what. are you. what are you bonjovi? Yeah. Are you bonjovi? Are you bon. you're not bon joy? Right. Why you. wearing those [ __ ] pants? Unless. you're on stage.

and you're to blame. You give love a bad. name. Dude, you went to one of those concerts. once. Oh, I was working I was working at one. of those concerts. I was working at. Greatwood Center for the Performing Arts. and I walked into the arena. As I was. walking into the arena, he did that shot. through the heart. That's how they open. up the concert. You never heard anything. like it in your life. Yeah. Right. The the whale of ecstasy that those. women screamed out. And a lot of men a.

lot of men wailed, too. Sure they did. It was just a. No, but I'll tell you what, I was like, it was a transformative. moment. Yeah, I remember that because I remember. thinking like very clearly like, "Wow, what a wild thing these guys have done.". Like they've made a bunch of sounds and. they put it together in a way that like. rhymes and has this rhythm to it and. then they release it and it has such an. impact on the people that hear it that.

they just played this in this this giant. arena at Great Woods. I don't know what. it seated like more than 10,000 people, I think. It's a big [ __ ] place. And. the place erupted. It was just this. roar. You could hear it out in the. parking lot. And I was walking in with. these other security guys and we're. like, "Whoa, holy shit." Like, people. went nuts. It became a body. They became beyond. themselves. You become a a part of the. energy. I mean, that's a great thing. about First of all, I [ __ ] love music.

and I'm so moved by certain music. Like. if I go to a Bruce Springsteen concert. and he starts singing a song that's. meaningful to me and I know that the. other 50,000 people are feeling the same. thing, that's an incredible feeling. It's just. really transcendent. It is. And it's like any other sort of. performing art that you're witnessing, if you're witnessing someone who's. really nailing it with a bunch of other. people, it makes it better for some. reason. If you're watching a guy play a. guitar solo and he's just nailing it. Yeah. And you're like, you're like, "God.

damn." Like if you were there. when Hrix was at the Roxy in, you know, 1960, whatever, you would you. you would be with a bunch of people that. were watching something special. And. it's somehow or another better than. watching it by yourself. Well, it's almost like if it's a band. you really know. It's almost like I'm. like just now when I said Bruce. Springsteen, I was like, I wonder if Joe. likes Bruce Spring. Cuz some people. [ __ ] hate him. I don't get that. You. You can't You can't deny that some of. his [ __ ] albums, some of his songs,

Jungle Land is the greatest song of all. time, dude. He had a bunch of fantastic songs. Yeah. Brilliant disguise when he had married. that really hot chick and it didn't work. out. Oh yeah. And he he put out that brilliant. disguise song. Jesus, that's a [ __ ]. sorrowful song. I mean, that's a real. song, man. That that guy was the and. still is a bad [ __ ]. But what about after after 9/11? He. wrote The Rising. Yeah. And they remember they played it with.

the uh they they had a choir sing it in. front of the White House on I think was. it inauguration day? Yeah. Jesus Christ. That was powerful. He. I might have cried. Yeah. He's a bad [ __ ] I mean, he had a bunch of stuff that was just, you know, like uh Anthony Kumio would. always mock it, you know, the whole. garage, I'm a bluecollar guy, down to. earth, making ends meet. Meanwhile, he's. like a multi multi-millionaire. But that.

was the type of [ __ ] that he sang about. But if you get past that, like some of. his stuff, well, Dylan was, you know, he's always. sang for the working man. He's he's got. money. I think it's folk music. Dylan did it in a way that, you know, it. was, I don't know, it was a little. flatter or something like that. The. emotion or the. right. I think it was more of a nod to. um folk music, like old hobo kind of. music, right? And uh whereas Springsteen I think was.

more of like uh um you know, arena rock. He was he was looking for the big. ballad, the big operetic song like like. Rosalita or Thunder Road that you can. sing in a in a [ __ ] wall, you know, in a giant stadium and blow the place. out. Well, how about the river, man? Yeah. When that came out, I was in high school. when that came out. I was It was my. first year in high school in ' 81. And I. remember that song came out and. everybody was like, everybody's jaws. dropped, right? Oh my god,

I got married pregnant and man, that was. all she wrote, dude. It was. for my 19th birthday, I got a a a union. card and a wedding coat. Yeah. Great line. Yeah, man. Yeah. And this there's this. there was this message from a lot of his. songs and that message was this. confusion and angst that you're having. in your youth literally might be the. freest you ever are for the rest of your. life. And from here on out, it's just.

this horrible struggle to try to stay. sane and try to avoid your vices and. keep your job and keep away from the. heroin and the booze and all. Keep the romance in your relationship. Yeah. And almost no one was doing it in. his songs. The songs were all pain. That is so true what you just said. It's. about this moment right now. Yeah, it always is. It's about um. you know the tonight. Let's live for. tonight. you know, born to run. We're. live tonight. I don't Tomorrow is not.

going to be good. Yeah. But uh um. what was the line? Uh. I can't remember. Born in the USA is probably the most. ironically misused song ever, right? Like how many people have used that as. like a a pro America. politician, Republican politicians? Yeah. I mean, just just him singing it. overpowers the actual content of the the.

song, which is very anti-war, right? Which he was. Yep. You know, it's about a guy's life. falling apart. because of the war and that the war was. a mistake. Yeah. There's so many good songs, man. Anybody. that doesn't think I'm looking at his. [ __ ] Human Touch, Tunnel of Love, Streets of Philadelphia. Oh, yeah. Goddamn Thunder Road. Woo. [ __ ] song. Jesus. Then you go back to Darkness on the Edge. of Town, which was a really dark.

biblical album, you know, all Adam. raised a cane and all this like, you know, um just just really about your. relationship to your dad, a lot of it. is. And you know that whether or not. you're going to take over your dad's. life, you're going to lead your own. life. The dancing in the dark held him back. That's what [ __ ] everybody up. Yeah. He got a little poppy. He got a little silly. Y. got a little silly, started dancing and. [ __ ] and everybody went, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where's the [ __ ]. river, bro? Where's the river? We going down to the.

river? What are we doing? We committing. suicide or we dancing in the dark?". Right. It's like Billy Joel when he did. Uptown Girl. Oh, that was the worst. Same thing though, right? Well, I think Billy Joel went through a. real hard period when he started getting. together with Christy Brinkley because a. man like that is not supposed to [ __ ] a. woman like that in nature. Okay. What. happens is when you're [ __ ] a girl. who's an undeniable 10 and you're this. this very amazingly talented singer and. piano player, but you know that in the.

wild that woman is not going to take. you. She's going to be with some Viking or. something. It doesn't make any sense. She's this giant supermodel. I mean, she's just stunning and perfect in every. way. And he became a [ __ ] for a little. bit. Uptown girl. She's been living in. her up world. Got to give the guy some credit though. I mean, uh, first of all, as a musician, he's amazing. And the there's songs that. people don't talk about, like the ballad. of Billy the Kid. It's a [ __ ] great song. That's a.

great song. Scenes from an Italian. restaurant. Godamn. Just the Way You Are maybe the most. beautiful love song. It's amazing. It's amazing. He was He's. one of the all-time greats. He just fell. apart when he got a 10. Fell apart for a. little bit. I think he got sober. I think he was. really remember he got like a couple. couple DUIs. [ __ ] so bright. But you know he's selling out Madison. Square Garden once a month every [ __ ]. month. Of course he is. He could do that. anytime he wants for the rest of his. life. Takes his car in from his house. Takes.

him 45 minutes. Then he goes home that. night after selling out the garden. He's Billy [ __ ] jewel. He deserves. it. He earned it. But isn't that the way to do it? If you. make it that big and you love what you. do, but you don't want to travel on the. road. Yeah. Just going to go down the. street to the garden once a month. It's amazing. Yeah. He lives on like Long Island on the on. the on the ocean. Yeah. He's in the Hamptons. Yeah. He lives like right on the ocean. somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. That's his thing, man. Like fixing his. motorcycles, riding motorcycles around. He apparently broke his arm really bad.

riding his motorcycles. Oh, really? All [ __ ] up. He still. You couldn't play piano? Nope. Still plays the [ __ ] out of piano. Wow. But he like he's, you know, he rides. motorcycles. Like he's taking chances. He's a risky [ __ ]. Well, they say that like the muscles. that you develop when you play piano or. guitar, like your left fingers when you. play guitar, that you actually build up. muscles in your brain that allow it to. be stronger and it probably recovers. better because of that. Whoa. I was just reading that because uh. you know they're talking about there was.

this there was this uh oped piece in the. Times where they where this woman was. talking about she resents Caitlyn Jenner. for talking about how she was always in. the wrong body and that she's really a. woman because at the same time so that's. acknowledging that the male brain and. the female brain are different but these. same feminists will tell you if you try. to say that uh that they're different in. the academic world you'll get [ __ ]. annihilated because they don't want you.

to distinguish that they're any. different, that they aren't capable of. doing what men can do. And so they try. to say you can't if you're a [ __ ] uh. you're you're a pig if you say that. women are different. But then with. Caitlyn, you go, "Oh, no, she's got the. female brain." Well, which is it? Well, I don't think they're saying that. they're not different. I think they're. saying that there whatever differences. they have are not intellectual. They. might be differences of philosophies or.

sexuality or or but not as far as. intellectual capacity. No, that's the issue. That's right. That's. like the big feminist issue is that. they're treated equal with intellectual. capacity but not necessarily equal in. behavior standards. Right. Standards. Yeah. I didn't say. better. I said different. And that's the. point of this article is that you build. up muscles as a female because you. you're not picked on the sports team and. then you're not paid as much and then. you have to give birth and you have to. be afraid of being raped all the time. which is something we don't even think.

about, right? And so you you develop muscles in your. brain that make you. obviously not really muscles in your. brain. So. no, it's I think the neurons just. develop pathways that make it more. effective. And so um and so and men develop their. brains differently. And so it's so to. say that Bruce Jenner who had the. benefit of being a a lauded athlete and. a you know multi-million dollar. spokesman and whatever else he did he. got as a man. Mhm. And that to now say he's a female is.

like no because you you don't have all. that those other pathways that we built. up as a woman. Right. Right. You still have a male brain. But if a. female lived uh a very male style of. life from the time that she was really. young, if she grew up in a house with. all brothers in a rural area where she. wasn't really uh allowed access to. express herself in, you know, your. traditional female way and she's living. with these uh men essentially uh and.

boys and uh she develops her own. pathways in a very different way, right? you know, I mean, she's still a woman, right? Yeah. And so, it's like I think like making. these hardcore distinctions like I've. heard people say both sides. I've heard. them argue that Bruce Jenner is a hero. I've heard them argue that this is a. freak show and that America is in such a. rush to be more and more progressive. that we're ignoring the fact like some.

really key facts about him and his. situation. first of all that he was. crazy enough to marry that woman and and. do that reality show and and have that. microscope done on his life. Pretty disgraceful. And two, that he wasn't paying attention. recently and plowed into a woman's car. with his [ __ ] truck, sent her into. traffic and she died because of it. She. was killed directly because of him. hitting her and pushing her into. oncoming traffic. A person is not on. earth anymore because of this.

carelessness. And no one is talking. about that at all. I mean, that's a real. issue with people. I mean, yeah, we we we. we hope that it's not us that makes a. mistake like that. It's a horrible. mistake to make, right? But how is that not as important or how. this like why is this a big thing about. gender only? How about about contrition. for this accident? How about saying like. how important it is to pay attention all. the time while you're driving? I'm so.

sorry that a life is not here because of. my error. It is my error and I think it. could have been avoided if I was paying. attention and I didn't plow into this. lady. It could have been avoided. It is. possible to avoid it. That haunts me. Not you know what haunts me? I'm a. woman. Well, the other thing that he should. apologize for is the fact that he he put. out this message, this Kardashian. message to all young women to be a. [ __ ] stupid, horish, money-driven.

uh you know, and then dating outside the. race, all the things that they're. propagating. I like how you snuck that in there. You. snuck that in there. Good. There's people right now listening. I. knew Fitz Sams was one of us. If you. took all my quotes like that and you. stacked them together, I would be so. [ __ ]. Yeah. You know, for fortunately, we. don't have to worry about that anymore. No one cares. No one cares anymore. No one cares. anymore. And you can have a podcast. You. could explain yourself that if you you.

got quoted like that a long time ago. when you didn't have a podcast, you. couldn't explain yourself. right. in context of what exactly was going on, how you're [ __ ] around. Yeah. That. [ __ ] could ruin you. Oh, yeah. I I have guests come out all. the time on my podcast and they're just. like, "Can you cut out that thing?" And. I'm like, "No, I can't." Now, I usually. I usually will, but I try to talk them. out of it. But they especially people that are. straight actors, they get very concerned because they. they come out and then they realize they. have a publicist and that things can be. taken out of context and they all of a.

sudden get weird. I had I had this woman. on from from Transparent. You know that. show Transparent? What is that? It's the It's the. transgender show. Oh, I think it's on Amazon Prime. Who is the star of it? Uh the guy from Jeffrey Tambour. Jeffrey Tambour. Who's going to win the Emmy this year. for that? He is awesome. That guy is amazing. The show is great. But you think of all. we were talking about transgender issues. and she got a little squirmish. They'll come after you. They'll come.

after you. Any impropriy, anything you. don't stick to the line, you shouldn't even say him and her. anymore. You're supposed to say them and. they. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. And you're not supposed some. people prefer her. And Bruce Jenner up. to recently preferred him. Yeah. Is it Are we really supposed to call him. Caitlyn now? Because. I don't I don't find that a hard. transition. Calling him Caitlyn Jenner. Yeah. [ __ ] it. I don't find it hard, but I want to hear. it out of his mouth. Okay. I want you to say, "Call me. Caitlyn." Just make a video and I'll.

start calling you Caitlyn. Until then, I want bus stop signs. Call me Caitlyn. I don't think it should be on the front. of a magazine. Call me Caitlyn. Well, also I don't the [ __ ] picture. he took. That's another thing people. take issue with is like did you have to. come out as a wafy mode chick? You. couldn't have been just a woman like a. strong woman. You had to be this sort of. submissive model type. Well, that's his fantasy. By the way, if. you didn't know that was Bruce Jenner,

you'd see this abroad. and you were left alone in a cabin for a. weekend and you just turned to it. Well, unless I turned to it through. Photoshop, I probably been able to see. immediately what it really looked like. Do you think that she looks anything. like that [ __ ] photograph? No. No. No. But I but I could have beat off to. that photograph and that scares me. Yeah. Whatever they did to her face, that's not healed yet. No, she's 65. When you're 65 years old, it takes a.

long [ __ ] time for bone shaving to. heal. All right. They did some sort of 12-hour feminizing. operation on her face, allegedly. Again, I want to hear her say it till I. Right. Call me Caitlyn. You see, I'm I'm going. by the last interview. The last. interview said that he preferred the he. pronoun and he preferred Bruce. Bruce. Jenner, but he's a woman. Has he talked. about genital mutilation yet? It's not that. It's sexual reassignment. surgery. You [ __ ] cisgendered ass.

[ __ ]. Excuse me, everybody. We're reassigning. Lord, you [ __ ] lord. And you know what else they call it? You. don't call it a vagina anymore. You call. it the front hole. Uh, I think you might be making this up. I swear to Christ, the front hole. Oh, [ __ ] me at my front hole. If a woman even says, "Fuck you, you in. her vagina." You'd be like, "What?". Or the internal organ. My internal. organ. That would be really specific. Maybe if. you're like dating a biologist. But aren't isn't every single organ.

internal? No. Your skin's an organ. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. Good one, Rogan. Yeah. Boom. I think uh Yeah. Anything other than. [ __ ] is unacceptable. Eat my [ __ ]. That's what you want to hear. [ __ ] is so perfect. Perfect. And most women love it. They. love saying [ __ ]. They should. We love it. They love it. You know who says it great? Due respect. Natasha Logger. She knows how to say. [ __ ]. I bet she does. with that little character that she. does. That little. She's just adorable.

She's hilarious, too. Yeah, she's so talented. She's very, very smart. Very smart, very. funny, very quick. Yeah, I'm surprised she's not huge. How did she not get hu? I mean, not that. she won't still, but she should have. been huge already. You know who's going. to be huge? No. Christina Pazitzki. Yes, dude. Yeah. I saw her [ __ ] destroy the other. night at the comedy store and my jaw was. hanging over. Yeah, right. I said I said to her, I go, "You might. be one of the funniest women that's ever. walked the face of the planet.".

No [ __ ]. For me on Saturday, the set that I saw her, I'm like, I'm. trying to figure out who has more. poignant points, who has more like big. laughs, who has more energy on stage. I'm like, she's right up there with with. anybody I've ever seen. Yeah, she's [ __ ] funny as [ __ ] dude. She's. really funny. I got to watch her whole set again. [ __ ]. She's coming down. I'm doing a set. I'm. doing that thing that we did at the. Belly Rooming. at the Comedy Store uh Saturday 10:30. Come on down. I think I I asked for her. to open for me. I'm not sure if that's.

confirmed, but she may be doing it. But. I'll be doing an hour new material. Uh go to my website, click on comedy. store, and uh come fill it up. Yeah, that is uh the 11th or the 13th. That is the Saturday night. 13th, right? Yeah. You're gonna love it, dude. We did it together. I opened for you. there. That's right. Yeah. Great. You're going to love doing it on your. own. You can reach out and touch everybody. It's amazing. It's 90 seats. Can I give you my other dates? [ __ ] yeah. Cleveland, I'm coming, baby.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Hilarities, June 18 through 20. How. great is that club? It's a great club. [ __ ] Uh, Dr. Grins in Grand Rapids, Michigan, June 25 through 27. And then I got dates coming up in. Houston, Boston, etc. fits.com. Fitzdog.com, ladies and gentlemen. Also, I got a TV show. I'm on True TV. season two. How to be a grownup. It's. us. Christina's on it and Tom Tom Cigar. and Christina are on it. And you're like giving advice on. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, it's just And the best thing is is.

they give they'll send you like 20 pages. of topics that they want you to write. jokes on and then comment on. M. so it was like the homework that I. should have been doing anyway cuz it was. all stuff about like how to how to deal. with babysitters and [ __ ] that you know. it was my world. and so I just wrote a 100 pages of jokes. and did them on the show and then I went. through and picked the the ones that. might be good for standup. and I swear to God I got 40 minutes of. new material out of two seasons of this. show this year. That's awesome. Sometimes it's just.

forcing yourself in a position where you. have to write. Just forcing it. forcing it. We need to do what we used to do. Me, you, and maybe Callen or somebody else. sit down in a [ __ ] room and throw out. a topic. Everybody write on it for 15. minutes. Talk about we wrote. Whoever. has the best [ __ ] gets the other two. guys [ __ ] Remember we used to do that? Yeah, that when did we do that? We. did that with Carter. With Tom Carter. Oh yeah. God damn, dude. Back in the. day. We were focused. Well, we were desperado, too. We were.

trying to figure out how to crack the. system. Yep. Yeah. How do you right now? What do you. do to the majority of your writing? I throw a lot of notes in my iPhone and. and then I'll tweet. I'm not. I have no issue with tweeting and then. taking the tweet and turning it into a. joke that I do on stage. I think it's. almost like a good reminder of premises. Yeah. I don't have a problem with it. either. People have a problem with it. They're just looking for something to. have a problem with. Yeah. They're like, I don't want my. audience to see the same thing twice. It's like they're going to see my [ __ ]. about five or six times because I'm.

going to do on how to be a grown-up. after I tweet it. The worst is when. someone who is uh in the audience will. tweet to you like, "Yeah, you talked. about that already on Twitter.". Yeah, it's 140 characters. It was a five. minute bid on it, you [ __ ]. Jesus Christ. Like, yeah, that's where the premise. came from. I thought of it then. I wrote. it down. I said, "This would be a funny. tweet." And then I said, "You know what? I can get a bid out of that." People. want like it's it's really interesting. Most people appreciate the creative. process, but there's some people that. just want this constant stream of what.

they want all the time. They want. and then if it's not good, they [ __ ] on. you for that. It's like, what do you. want me to do? Stay up 24 hours a day to. come up with tweets that are different. than my standup? You know who was interesting? Woody. Allen, who first did started off as a. standup? Amazing albums. Then he started. writing books like Without Feathers. Remember those? They were like funny. short stories. No, I didn't. I wasn't aware of. this great book called Without Feathers. It's re you will it's one of the few.

books you will laugh out loud. Like. Confederacy of Dun is kind of funny. really. And then he starts making movies, but if. you go back and you look at the stories. in his standup, he also wrote about them. in his books and then they became plot. lines in his movies. That's kind of. fascinating to me to watch that. progression. It is. It's I I love watching the. progression of bits when I see a guy. like, you know, like you come down to. the store and you have some new piece on. something you're doing and then I'll see. it two weeks later and it's got all this. new [ __ ] on it, you know? I love that.

And I'll see it a month later and it's. got this rhythm to it now. [Music]. That's the the weird thing about these. bits that when a person finally sees it, like if you do a Netflix special and. they finally see this chunk that you've. been working on for the past six, seven. months, that thing sometimes isn't even. remotely. similar to what it started out as. Yeah. They morph and they move and they shift. and you push them together and it's a I.

love watching that process. Some people. don't want to see it. Some people they. just want a constant stream of. absolutely new stuff. The problem with. that is I agree that the more new stuff. the better. I try to write as much new. stuff as possible, but. bits only get better if you keep doing. them, right? And to get them to that samurai sword. razor sharpness, hammering that steel, they have to be done a bunch of times. You have to you can't just write them.

out. You have to perform them in front. of the crowd. You have to figure out. what's wrong with your performance, what's right with your performance. Tape the set. You got to listen to your. tape sets. And I'm I'm I've been. fanatical about that for 25 years. I I'. I think I've listened to probably 20% of. every of all the sets I've ever done. That's very good. I'm not that high, but. I have all of them. Every set that I do, I tape and I make notes afterwards. One. of the things I started doing is right. after I get off stage, I sit down with. pad and write like important things that. I remember about that set. like, "Oh,

there was a hiccup in the transition. from this to that. There's uh there's a. better way to do this. I got to figure. out how to tie these together." And oh, there's a crazy tagline after that that. I came up with on the fly. Or like this bit, there's more. There's. more. Like you feel like you can stretch. it out more. And you got and you don't. always remember to keep writing on it. And that it's like you say, if you don't. part of it for me is like I got to go on. stage in the right head. I have to like. [ __ ] take a shower. I'm going to work. like show up having looked at my notes. and you know not get too [ __ ] caught.

up in talking to people before I go on. I want to go on and really like be. there. Yeah. And then I can [ __ ] around after the. show. Yeah. You want to be in that the zone. that each one of those bits requires. They're all different. And that's one of. the things about like knowing where to. put a bit in your act. You got to have. like I have like these areas in my act. where I think of as like hills and. valleys where this is like this is like. slow contemplation thinking about how. weird something is and then there's the.

big hills like we're going to go on a. sprint. We're going to sprint and then. we're going to come back after this and. you got to figure out where to put these. things where they all belong and you got. to move them around. It's so fun man. Well, and that's where it's really like. a jigsaw puzzle is because you're trying. to take the bit you're trying to create. those hills and valleys and then you're. trying to take the material that's. related and keep it all in the same. area. Yeah. And then you're also taking you want to. mix new stuff with old stuff and then. and then it's like, you know, at a.

certain point you go to do a special and. you're like, "All right, I I got to lock. down on this [ __ ] I can't keep moving. it around because then you got to nail. down the transitions.". Yeah. Yeah. Everybody seems to uh agree. that there's somewhere between a year. and two years. It's that's the the far. ranging guys say two years. The guys who. uh really like to turn things over on a. regular basis say a year. But after a. year or after two years it's done. It's. done. You can never do it again. You got. to throw it onto a DVD and get it out.

So around. somewhere around a year is when you have. to start thinking about it. You start. saying, you know what, it's September. come January, I want to. record my special. So then you have to. set up the deal and then you have to set. up the venue and. a lot of times things are booked seven, eight months in advance anyway. When it. come especially if it comes to a. theater, if you wanted to do it at a. theater, you have to do it way in. advance a lot of times and then you. start prepping for it and start building. toward and then it's less a matter of. writing new [ __ ]. than it is a matter of like sharpening.

that stuff as much as possible. That. gets weird for me because then once I. get rid of the the special, like I get. rid of all that material, then I start. fresh. Then sometimes it becomes harder. because I haven't been writing as much. as I've been sharpening, you know? I. just been going over the same material. over and over again. So, I got to kind. of like I might might have to revamp. that. I might I might just start just. film a bunch of sets. Like, you know, I. was at the Irvine Improv this past. weekend. They have a camera that they.

have set up in the back of the room. Yeah. And when they film the thing, it's in. the on the screen in the green room. So, you're watching it in the green room. And I was like, "This is perfect.". Just one camera. Just one camera. Like, this is the. actual show. This is what you would see. if you were in the audience, right? Like, you don't have to do this any. other way. As a matter of fact, this is. the least distracting way. Like, literally put out chunks of you. just on one camera. No crowd shots. Yes. One camera. My other option. uh the of two extremes. The other option.

is to buy a fuckload of GoPros. Yeah. And strap them to people's heads. Yeah. And uh. Well, did you ever see uh. hand them out to people and they It's. like, you know, when you go to. Disneyland and you get on the Star Wars. ride, they give you those goggles. Everybody will get a GoPro. They'll. they'll press record on it and then at. the end of the night, you throw your. GoPro in the bucket. Yeah. And we'll. have somebody edit that [ __ ] Well, did. you ever see uh David Tell did that. show, The Comedy Underground, and he. would give out I think one. There was.

one GoPro he'd put into the crowd. Oh, see. Mix it together. One original. Well, no, because yours is like camera. Yeah. I want to do like 200 GoPros and. uh give people cuz I figures a bunch of. people are not going to turn them on or. [ __ ] it up or someone's going to get. drunk and spill booze on it. You're not. going to get every single GoPro. You. could also tell people, "Don't forget to. pan around and and show show the people. at your table laughing.". Yeah. And. that's that would be badass because it.

would be 3D. You'd have to have a lot of security. You have to make sure that nobody leaves. with a GoPro cuz somebody would try to. steal your GoPro, right? Remember the Beasty Boys filmed a movie. like this? Did they mid 2000s? They gave 50 fans in. the crowd digital cameras and they just. edit it together from all their views. from different angles in the top of the. arena. What's it called? It's called uh Awesome. I shot that or. something very close to that. Awesome. I. [ __ ] shot that. Awesome. I [ __ ] shot that. Oh, what a.

great idea. Damn it. I'm like seven. years late. I thought it was just a. couple years late. But what if you streamed it every night? What if you had like five cameras and. somebody just did this did the cutting. and there was a stream of every set that. you do from five points. that goes online. Yeah. Then what's the point in releasing it as. a special? You don't. you don't release. an ongoing thing if you want to see Joe. Rogan. almost like well I guess with that um. Periscope basically Periscope your shows.

you know it seems like a bad idea right. now but ultimately it's probably going. to seem like a good idea like that maybe. is how people are going to release their. specials just stream them. Yeah. When you really stop and think. about it, like kind of everything's. streaming now, you know, as long as it's. on demand as well, you know, like some. sort of but like a Netflix type deal. where it's a live stream and then it's. available for download anytime you want. afterwards. Can I Periscope a little bit of this? If you must. No, you don't sound like. If you must.

Well, I This is my thing about those. things. They're fun every now and again, but they really do distract, right? They distract the like when when. a bunch of people are around you and. everyone's periscoping. It's hilarious. Like it happens at the comedy store all. the time. Yeah. We periscope each other. But at the end of the day, it kind of. does distract, you know? It's like how. many like actual conversations you're. having. Yeah. How many how many sit down, let's talk. about some [ __ ] Let's fix Once you. start Periscoping and Instagramming and.

selfieing and tweeting this and tweeting. that. There's a balance. And in that in the lost side of that. balance becomes a very non-intimate. interaction between everyone involved. I've been around like a bunch of like. really techy people and watch them. barely communicate with words other than. talking about the things they just. tweeted, talking about the things that. somebody else tweeted. We should tweet. this. I should get a picture of that. I. want to Instagram this. I want to.

Snapchat using it on what phone. Exactly. Exactly. They're talking about new filters. We. need I got this new app that's way. better filters and look what it does. Look what it does. And it's like the the. the tech conversation and the techreated. as far as like sending and receiving. [ __ ] overwhelms. the the the human interaction. It. overwhelms it. The medium is the message. Yeah. And there's a lot of that going. on. There's a lot of that. You don't. think of it as techreated because you're.

talking about some real life [ __ ] that's. happening not near you, but it's going. through the the phone. Like that's the. whole deal. It's like you're there's not as much. peopleto people communication. There's. like this weird interface that we're. sharing. Whether we do it solo or we. look at each other's stuff that we do it. on or. Well, when you think about language and. the fact that it is um you know, it's a. dumbed down version of our thoughts. If. you have to put your thoughts into. words, you're obviously compromising the.

scope of your idea and the fullness of. your idea because it's got to fit into. these words, right? Then you go to this second level of. digital communication where now you're. seeing a dumbing down of the words. because you have to limit what you're. doing, where you're looking, your your. presence with the other person. Everything is then taken to an even. simpler place than it was before. So. it's completely flat. Yeah,

human interaction is very bizarre, but. just think about what you do for a. living. You're your job is to elicit a. very specific response out of people, right? One. Yeah. of all the range of emotions, we're. we're like doctors that are specialists. in this one emotion, one area. Yeah. And then creating it as well as. delivering it. It's a creepy way to. live. Yeah. And you get sick of it sometimes. The whole idea of comedy, I just can.

like gh I don't want to be funny. I. don't want to see anything funny for. like six hours. Definitely got to take time off. Yeah. But that's a that's the balance issue. That's like as a as a comedian. I think. it's one of the most important things is. to have some sort of a balance in your. life where you're. you're into other things as well. Things. that are not even remotely funny, right? that those things are the things. that you eventually get humor from. You. know, like for me, I've always had this. lifelong fascination with wild animals,

wildlife, and I've gotten a lot of. material from the the natural world. But a lot of that stuff, like when I'm. watching those things, I'm not even. thinking for a second that I'm getting. material out of it. I'm watching some. documentary on water buffaloos and. lions. Yeah. Engaged in this eonsl long. conflict for survival. And all I'm. thinking of is just like what a cra what. what a crazy thing this is that you can. capture on film. Yeah. That we're so insulated and isolated in. these cities that we can't even imagine.

what the [ __ ] is going on on this guy. I. had this guy on the other day that was. telling me about the charter the Channel. Islands. Yeah. You know the Channel Islands is just. that water is overflowing with sharks. No [ __ ]. Yeah. Right off Santa Barbara. Yeah. It's right out there. It's right. out there. Those those waters are. apparently just filled with sharks. Wow. They catch some. They caught the world. record makeo shark around this area in. um I think somewhere around uh like I. want to say like Huntington Beach.

somewhere around that area. Those [ __ ] are going to be coming. closer to our shore. The global warming. Are they though? Is that how it works? They see there seems to be more sight. The ocean doesn't seem to be the ocean. is going to get closer and closer. It's. going to rise. Right. Here's my theory. Right around the time the ocean starts. rising is when we figure out how to take. salt out of the ocean. and we just start sucking that [ __ ]. dry, right? We're like, "What? You're gonna rise up. on us as fast as we can use you?" Oh, good luck with that. Have you ever seen. an almond field, sir? And then we'll.

just start sucking water out of the. ocean. The ocean will dry up and then. people in Malibu will get really pissed. because their beachfront, they'll be. like looking at this like 100 yards of. sand till they get to the water. Yeah, there's that there's that giant river up. in Northern California that just got. dried out completely. Wow. It's called like the salt ocean the salt. sea or something. Oh, you're talking about the salt and. sea. Salt and sea, right? Yeah. That's not dried out completely. This still exists. Pretty it's pretty far gone. All that. ocean front, all those ocean front.

houses, they're they're looking at nothing right. now. This Well, the salt and sea is an inland. sea that was created by the Colorado. River. The salt and sea was an accident. Right. It was uh they had opened up the uh. there's a amazing I think John Waters. did a documentary on it. Was it Waters? I think it was him. But there's an incredible documentary on. how this all happened. And at one point. in time that was like where these really. rich people, Hollywood celebrities like. Sunny Bono was a big fan of the place.

When Sunny Bono was a congressman, is. that what he was? He was a senator. No, congressman. Congressman. when he was a congressman. before he died in that skiing accident, he was working to desalinate that that. whole ocean area and try to revive the. salt and sea because when he was. younger, that place was hopping. It was hopping. It was like giant. resorts and golf courses and mansions. And I think a lot of the water though. was runoff from from crops. Agricultural runoff was what poisoned. it. That's what [ __ ] it up. Plagues. and pleasures on the salt and sea. John.

Waters. Yeah, that's it. That's the one. It's amazing. You have to watch it cuz I. had no idea. I had heard about it from. people like something about Salt and Sea. and I was like I thought it was just. like an area that they called the Salt. and Sea, you know, like the Inland. Empire. Like that's not an empire. You. know what I mean? But they call it the. Inland Empire. The Empire. Yeah. The Inland Empire. They call it. the Inland Empire. There's no dragons. there. Where's the drawbridge? It's not. an empire. Like this is just a town. Yeah. We don't have a mayor. We have a. king. So I thought the salt and sea was like. that. I thought it was like this area.

that was just they just named it that. There's no sea in the middle of And then. I heard the story and then I watched. this documentary and it's insane. So it was originally just diverted water. from the Colorado River. Yes. And then they got they got fish in. there like a lot of ocean fish, tilapia. and um people would catch them and they. would fish for them. And now it's so bad. that there are shores of the beach that. is completely filled with dead. Look at. those dead fish. completely filled with.

dead fish bones. They have millions. That's bones. Yeah, they have sand, but it's not sand. It's. just dead fish bones, right? There's also bird habitats there. that are getting [ __ ] and there's. nowhere for the birds to go. Well, we don't we didn't realize until. recently, a lot of folks didn't lease, how much agriculture was going on in. California. I mean, California is all. the way up to San Francisco. If you take. the five, you just run into farms. It's. everywhere. There's a lot of agriculture.

and apparently a lot of like tomatoes. and most of the almonds and all this. different [ __ ] gets grown in California. and California is using a lot of [ __ ]. water. Oh, we got rice patties up north. Do we really? Yeah. Whoa. That's a lot of water. That's a lot of water. Yeah. Everywhere. is a lot of water. But you know the almonds. We're. exporting almonds. Yeah, sure. Alfalfa, too. They export a. fuckload of alalfa, apparently. It's. using up all. beef, right? I don't know who uses it,

but um you know, it's a big business. The agricultural business in California. is giant. And it's just now because of. this now going on four-year drought, they get to see like what how much water. they really require. Yeah. Cuz before it was just sort of they had. enough water, they used a lot of water, but they had enough water. And now that. they don't use any less and there's none. coming in, it's getting weirder and. weirder. Well, it's all about the. Colorado River and who gets dibs on it. first and it's all about who had it. first.

So, you've got you've got farms way up. north that are at the mouth of it and. they grab all the water they want and. you can't tell them how much they can. take. No. And so, as it gets further down and more. and more people are taking more and more. of the water and also the the what do. you call the water underground? The table. Yeah, the table. They're they're pulling from that. Yeah. They're making more wells, right? They're pulling from the in in. ground water. and they say that the earth crust is. going to start collapsing because of it. Isn't that [ __ ] crazy that we didn't. know that there was water under us all.

the time? Like I remember the first time. I uh went to a place that had a well. I. went, "Wait a minute. Hold on. How does. this work?" And the guy was like, "Well, everywhere under us are rivers and. rivers of water, and some of them. stronger than other ones. And what you. got to do is you got to find the right. river. And if you find the right river, you dig down till you get to it and then. just pull water from it. I go, it's just. constantly has water in it. Yeah. So. there's like this is not solid. We're on. this thing that looks like it's ground.

and it's solid, but there's rivers under. there. Like how far down is this [ __ ]. river? You know, it varies. Few hundred. feet, a thousand feet, a couple thousand. feet. But if you get down long enough in. the right area, you're going to run into. rivers. Yeah. What? And they never pop up on their own. That's the weird thing. You never see. ground water. Very rarely, right? I mean, when you see. a spring, it's usually coming down from. the top of the mountains from the. glacier runoff or the snow melting. Yeah. But there's there's some underground.

water and that's what's really become an. issue with these farmers that they're. sucking that stuff dry, right? It's all becoming an issue. and there and the equipment is getting. better and better to suck it out and uh. like you said, the need is just getting. greater and greater. I think all they. need to do figure out how to get that. [ __ ] salt out of the ocean water and. bombage. That's it. You're going to have You're going to see. that shore is just going to grow and. grow every year. We're going to. literally suck the ocean out like a. giant straw. Be able to surf from one continent to.

the next. Human robot monster straw sucking. machine that takes the ocean out with. just huge tubes that are as big as the. Holland tunnel. Yeah. Everybody would be pissed cuz that's all. you would hear all day. You try to go to. sleep. You used to have a nice place in. Santa Monica before they set up the. straw. Yeah. Right. 2:00 in the morning is when they turn it. on. Whoa. This [ __ ] giant machine. But we need. water.

Everywhere. Just piles of [ __ ] salt. they pulled out. And they say the other. thing would happen is once we start. doing that is because they feed the salt. back in is that the oceans be become so. salinated it would kill all the fish. Well, they wouldn't be able to feed it. back in anymore. They'd have to take it. to Utah and dump it in the mountains, right? Give it to the Mormons. No, Nevada. They take it and they pour. it over the nuclear waste that they left. behind. Like you're pouring salt on your steak. I mean, isn't that where they bury the. nuclear waste, right?

Open up those tubes and pour it in. there. [ __ ] it. You could have a. mountain of salt out there and then. people would take your mountain of salt. You know, there's a mountain of salt in. where was it? We Germany. that they've been chipping away at for. years and it's flat at the top now cuz. they've literally removed all the salt. It was a salt mountain. Yeah. Pull that picture up cuz it's the most. bizarre thing cuz it really does look. like a giant white mountain and. apparently it's all salt and they just. been eating away at it. Wow. Look at that thing. No [ __ ].

Isn't that incredible? Wait, that's. naturally formed? Mhm. Yeah, it's a natural salt mountain. [ __ ]. What in the actual [ __ ] [ __ ] is that? Look at that thing. That's crazy. It's a salt mountain. Goo. Go to the. top. Ooh. Pull that one. Everything is lush. No, no, no. The one like the Sorry, the. look down one upper lefthand corner. Yeah. Does it? See if you could spread. it out. Whoa, dude. What is that? How. did that salt pile just pop up out of. the ground like that?

It's funny that they're taking it from. the top. They must have, you know, the. Germans, they you will take it from the. top first. We can be here mining salt for a long. time or a short time. We can make a lot. of money or we can die. Up to you. You must learn from the lessons of the. furer. Do not take on a salt mountain on. two fronts. If you take on the salt. mountain from the bottom, you will cut. out its legs. It will fall on you. You.

will die. When did the Germans turn Russian? Was that Russian? I'm just trying to be a Nazi. You will fall on you. Trying to be evil. Yeah, they get to the top, chip away at. it. How long have they been doing that? Look at the [ __ ] size of it. It's so. weird how it's this weird aberration. just popping up out of the ground. Just. doesn't seem to make sense. Dude, Hitler turned around the economy. of Germany. It's crazy. 1976 they've been doing it. Oh my god.

Look at this. As of January 2014, it. covered 230 acres and contained. approximately. 188 million tons of salt with another 90. tons being added every hour around 6.5. million tons a year. How's it being added? I don't know. Oh, so it's a heap. Is. that what it's saying? Okay. So, it's on a mountain. Oh, so it's not naturally occurring. Yeah. I.

mean, a number of sites where KN&S chemical. company dumps sodium chloride, common. table salt, a byproduct of to potach. mining and processing, a major industry. in the area. Oh, we're totally wrong. Yeah. Okay. So, that's a pile. So they're. taking it from the mines and they're. just like. that's why it's shaped like a pyramid. So then they take it off the top of the. pile and then they're processing it. Beautiful. Wow. The amount of salt that goes into.

the region soil and rivers is enormous. Due to the high salt levels, the. surrounding soils become virtually. barren and only haloile halopile halo. halo halo plants can grow there. The. Wiraa W R A River has become so salty. that up to 2.5 gallons GL L whatever. that means chloride ions which is. saltier than parts of the Baltic Sea. that few freshwater organisms can. survive in it. Whoa.

[ __ ] a man. That's salty. And they they're licensed to keep. dumping salt the facility until 2030. Yeah. They just toxic. The whole place. is just salt toxic, right? Wow. That's nuts. So, I thought, "Wow, that makes more sense though, that it's. a pile than a weird white mountain.". That just that didn't make any sense. Like, why is that there? Yeah. I guess salt comes from the sea. and as a byproduct, I don't know where else salt comes from. I know there's salt mines. Yeah, there definitely are salt mines,

but like why does it exist some places. and not others? Like, that's the most. bizarre thing is like there are certain. plants that grow over areas that are. likely to hold diamonds. Is that right? Yeah. Like what? Wow. Yeah. Yeah. How the [ __ ] did they figure. that out? Like how the [ __ ] do you find. forget about finding water, how about. finding diamonds? Yeah. Some weird byproduct of pressure and. coal. Yeah. What the [ __ ]. And once you find them, it's a fortune.

A fortune. Just it's dirt or it's a fortune. And they're a girl's best friend. She. doesn't even know these [ __ ] rocks. They live in Africa. Can you really talk to her when you're. down? They've been under the ground forever. and ever and ever. That's such a hory statement about. women, isn't it? Diamonds are girls. Diamonds are your best friend. Like, you. care about more than any human. You care. about this [ __ ] expensive rock. Well, that's like the biggest affront to. something like the feminist movement.

Yeah. Is the women that are just total. sellouts. Just like. diamonds are my best friend. Yeah. But if you want you want to marry. me? Yeah. I want like you to buy a. house. Oh, dude. I met this girl the other. night and she's. we're shooting this pilot up in the. Hollywood Hills and we're at this house. and it's huge and it's got like five. units. The house has been split up into. five units and you can see the Hollywood. on one side, you can see all of LA on. the other. Beautiful. The house is worth. about $4 million. And the woman that is.

that owns it, we're talking to her and I. said, "Oh, how long have you had this. house?" She goes, "Oh, I got it about. nine months ago." the and she's got this. accent I can't place. It's maybe. Israeli, it's maybe Argentinian or. something. And she says that she's been. dating this guy for three years and he. started this uh company with his wife. and the company was worth $200 million. So then he was divorcing his wife. So. during the divorce, the wife dies and. she goes and so he was only going to get.

hundred million. She goes, "But then the. wife died. So now he gets a whole $200. million." So, I said to him, "I want to. get married." And he said he's not. ready. And I said, "Well, I'm ready. You. You need to you need something to let me. know that you're serious." So, he bought. her a $4 million house, the car, the. whole deal. And then she turns around. and rents out all she split it up into. five units and rented them all out. And. she's hustling. Good for her. Yeah. She used that [ __ ] properly.

That's right. She got herself a victim. Yeah. There's. a lot of mercenary. How good is that [ __ ] I mean, and she. was she was attractive, but she was not. $4 million. He was supposed to come by, but he didn't come by. I would imagine. he was older. Probably a wreck. Yeah, it's probably a wreck. Just wants. someone to touch him. He's worth a. fuckload of money. Just gives her what. she needs. It's like that that guy that. owned the Clippers. had Yeah. that had that hot girlfriend, bought her a bunch of [ __ ]. Yeah. And everybody was like, you know, look. how much money he spent on her. Like. he got off cheap. Okay. You know, I mean, the whole thing.

the whole thing was ridiculous. Like. what he was he doing? He's paying for. her to be around him. He's paying he's. paying her her mortgage or got her a. place, bunch of cars, bought her. Bentleys and Ferraris and [ __ ]. That's what happens. Like, why is that. so shocking to people? It's like when it. actually gets exposed like that, people. are like, "No way, right?". Like, of course, it's a cliche. But what do you spend on a girlfriend? You know, you got to ask the average. person that proportional to his income, that's [ __ ] nothing. Nothing. It's a cheeseburger.

Proportionally, you spend more money to. take a girl to dinner and and a movie. Yeah. He's a billionaire. A billionaire. is a thousand million dollars. Yeah. So, he probably spent less than a. million on her. He probably spent a couple million, I. think. All told, the wife is suing her. now. Oh, that Yeah, it is more than because. there was jewelry. There was a bunch of [ __ ]. Yeah, the jewelry was a lot. Townhouse. A lot of [ __ ] There's a lot. of [ __ ]. I'd imagine some cash changed hands, too. You know what I heard this one woman. say? She goes, "I bet it wasn't even the.

wife's idea. I bet it was his idea. Use. the wife to sue her to get the money. back.". That makes sense. I was like, "God damn, that does make. sense.". Yeah. Follow the paper trail on that. Then I got nervous talking to her. I was. like, "How do you think that way?" Jesus. Christ. Can you delete that photo you that. selfie you took with me? I think we're playing tic-tac-toe and. this [ __ ] is playing chess. Well, they're pl they're planning many. moves ahead. Like, whoa. Yeah, I guess. you could do it that way because the. idea was like the chick set him up and.

he was like, "Oh, do you think you're. going to profit from this?" Guess again. Right. Guess again. You're right. Cuz if he sues her, it looks bad and it. looks vindictive. Looks like he's trying. to sue her for what she did to him. Which I think he has every right to. quite honestly. Yeah. I mean, what he said, first of all, he. didn't use a single racial slur. All. right. If people jumped all over that. guy for that, but the actual words that. he said were, "I don't want you taking pictures with. these guys. That's it. He didn't say the N word. He He literally even said, "I don't mind.

if you [ __ ] them." I mean, that was a. part of their conversation. I don't care. if you [ __ ] them. Like, he didn't have. any exclusive deal with her. Yeah. And this was a totally private. conversation. And so, somehow or. another, she releases it. And of course, he should sue her. Like, like what? Like, what kind of what kind of. What do you think I was giving you cars. for? I was giving you cars to shut the [ __ ]. up. Well, not only that, like it it. winds up costing him, literally costing. him the team. Yeah. Like he had to sell the team. Like it became such a scandal and such a.

PR disaster, such a a cluster [ __ ] The. way the media reported it, the way they. didn't talk about the fact that they. obviously had some weird open. relationship where he was saying, "Hey, I don't care if you [ __ ] them.". Like everybody concentrated on don't. take pictures. Don't take pictures. Don't take pictures. Yeah. He's an old dude with a hot young. girlfriend. Sure. Like the idea that him. saying that he didn't want her to take. pictures, that this should be enough. that you could take his team. That's. insane. But, you know, it goes back to what we. were talking about earlier with like.

what we can get away with on a podcast. versus what somebody else can get away. with. And you think about what he said. versus what we just said. My joke, my. joke is more harsh than what he said and. I'm not going to lose anything. And I think the argument against him was. that he was a dick. He was a dick. He. was a dick all the time and that people. didn't like him and so there wasn't a. loved guy. It wasn't like this like when. the Joe Pno thing happened and found out. that he knew about Sanduski and all the. child molestation like people were. devastated because Joe Pno was like this. like really loved guy.

but you know he was the coach obviously. but then you got Kramer. I mean here's a. guy that had a [ __ ]. 10-year run on the biggest sitcom in. history. most lovable guy on the show. Yeah. And one [ __ ] threeinut interaction. and that dude is a ghost. Yeah, he's a ghost. Have you seen him lately? No, I haven't seen him. No, he doesn't do anything. He's. probably just eating through that. Seinfeld money. He doesn't do standup. anymore, does he? Doesn't come to the LA club. I haven't seen him at any of the clubs.

I haven't seen him on TV. I haven't read. about him. That was a really tricky. situation for him to try to get into. standup because he had gone from. Seinfeld to he had at least one other. show that didn't work, right? At least one. I want to say he had two. Um and then he just started coming to. the clubs. Yeah. And u. but he had done standup before Seinfeld. A long time ago. Yeah. But he took a. long time off, especially took a long. time off for the LA clubs. And then he. would come out there and really probably.

should have done something where. it was more like an evening with what. was his name again? It's not Kramer. What the [ __ ] his name? Michael Richards. An evening with. Michael Richard. I don't remember his name. Stalinized. in a lot of ways. If he just did a laugh. factory gig, like an evening with. Michael Richards and just had Michael. Richards fans show up and he tried to. work out material until he developed a. set, then they'd be in on the context of who. he is. Yes. They wouldn't be offended by that. Something like that.

Well, not only that, you would get his. audience. and he would that too. And you also. wouldn't have him competing with actual. real standups. Yeah. Because when you're doing the Laugh. Factory on a Friday night, you're doing. it with five other people on the show. who might have sitcoms. They might be. out there doing the road on a regular. basis hustling and they're throwing. heat, right? And they have real jokes and you go up. there and you want to do a bunch of. Pratt falls and you you you know you. don't really have anything to say. You. try to be silly and he would like add. lib and it would fail miserably.

Yeah. He'd do concepts. and the thing is like that and that. wasn't new. I went to I was at the. improv with Louis CK one night and. Louis's father who he was pretty. estranged from his whole life and he was. kind of like reconnecting with and his. father's from Mexico Jewish guy and so. Louie invites him to the improv to see. Louis do stand up for the first time. So. Louisy's like, "I've never seen Louis. nervous to go on before." And before he. goes on, Michael Richards goes up and.

there's a couple in the front row that's. Jewish and they they haven't done. anything wrong, but he starts he's doing. that character and he go starts going, "Oh, you kes, you he. big nose Jew bastard's like saying all. this stuff, but in the same way that he. said the black stuff.". He didn't mean it, but he had no control. of what he was doing as a performer. And. he thought that it was all like a. calculated risk and that we'd all get. that this was a character bit. And Louie. was so his father was clearly like.

he's [ __ ] Jewish. What? And he's. thinking this is what my son does. This. is like the environment my son works in. Wow. Did it [ __ ] with him when he went. and did a set? No. Set was great. The problem with the guy was he he. wasn't skillful, right? and he was in the major leagues. and he was really insecure about it and. that was why he had that reaction to. those people that heckled him. The reason why he called those guys the. Nbomb was because those guys were.

yelling out that he wasn't funny. It. wasn't like that he just picked on them. for no reason. They started giving him a. hard time about not being funny about. bombing. But. they were right. They were right, you know, and he didn't. like it. He didn't. He was uncomfortable. and didn't know how to handle it. And. he might have been on the yayo son. He might have been on that. He might. have been on that son. Yeah. I hear for things from people, man. I. hear things. I might have been on that. [ __ ] You get confident as a.

[ __ ]. Let me say hello to my little friend, the n-word. That was a That was the first of those. videos. First of those really viral. videos. This was I was going to point. this out earlier and I I didn't but I. forgot when those moments when you're. trying to be funny. Not that moment. obviously because that was just that was. such a poorly thought out idea didn't. make any sense whatso you can't just. yell [ __ ] at somebody. You can't just. do that. You just can't do you just. can't do that. You can't expect that.

people are going to think that's really. funny. It's just so out to left field. So nonsensical so [ __ ] But there's. these moments where people take chances. and they'll try to be funny and there's. a split second between when that idea. enters your head and you say, "Run with. it.". Yeah. And you run with it and it sucks and. you're like, "Shit." Especially if. you're young or you're nervous or you're. not very good at telling jokes. Like how. many people have said something they. wish they could go back in time and pull. back just cuz they're just not skillful.

Well, and there's only one way to deal. with it, which is to address what just. happened in an honest way. It's hard to do. It is for a young comic. Forget it. You. just want to get away from that as quick. as possible. And you don't realize, no, you got to double back and go into it. again. Or you'll just alienate them. They know. what just happened. Everybody knows what. just happened. Yeah. Everybody can feel it and it's not. going to go away unless you go back and. let the air out of it. For a guy like. him to go from Seinfeld to essentially. being an open micer who's super famous.

is one of the most bizarre journeys. ever. Yeah. I mean that guy was essentially he had. the skill of someone who was just. beginning in standup comedy. Yeah. But yet he's going on at the Laugh. Factory after Domrera. Yeah. I mean Domera and Dane Cook and all. these guys are killing and killing and. killing and he goes up. Yeah. Jesus. It's a terrible place to be. The. only way to really do that, I think, is. to to if he had a smart agent, a smart.

manager, they would cultivate like an. act for him. Like have someone work with. him, get a guy like you or a guy like. um, you know, like Tony Hinchcliffe is. great at writing bits for people and you. have a guy like come with some premises. for you. and sit down. go to like second tier. cities and do um you know just do sets. where you're not going to be. Absolutely. And let people in on what. the [ __ ] you're doing. Don't just show. up and pretend you're a real standup.

You know, let people in on the fact that. you're you're working on some new bits. You're working on. We're all in this together. You guys are. helping me do this. Well, you know who started from scratch. from a pretty high place is um Joel uh. what's his name from Talk Soup? Oh, Joel Mac. Joel Male who had never. done standup and it was like you know. had gotten huge from that show. and then he just decided to start doing. standup but he'd go to a theater and. he'd play a lot of clips from the show. and he kind of did a like you said a. oneman show kind of a thing that had.

standup in it. and then I think over time he. transitioned into it just being a full. because that dude he could sell 2,000. seats out of the gate. Yeah. But he didn't really know what to do. but he was he would do a monologue on a. show. So, in a sense, he was kind of. doing standup like the way Craig uh. Craig Kilborn does. No, what's the other. guy? The Irish dude. It's not anymore. Ferguson. Craig Ferguson. That guy. Yeah. The way that guy does it. Like he does. stand up. I mean, I don't know if he did.

stand up before, but he did. He did. It. seemed like it because he does stand up. when he does his. Oh, wait. No, he did improv. Oh, did he? Yeah. He was like a. I think he might have been part of Whose. Line Is It Anyway, at some point? We're just making [ __ ] up. No, Google. it. Look it up. Um, but either either or he was uh doing. essentially stand up in his monologues. Yeah. As is Joel McCale. So even though maybe. he hadn't done a lot of standup like out. in the clubs. Yeah. He was still kind of doing it on TV all.

the time. Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't do it anymore, right? Didn't he stop? Did he stop? I think he did. I guess he he's doing movies. He's got that Is that sitcom still on. Community? I think it is. Right. It's on Netflix. now, right? It's done now. It's done. He's a really. nice guy, man. He's a great dude. I did a episode of his show back in the. day. Yeah. No [ __ ] Yeah. Really, really. nice guy. Super easy to get along with. Love standups. There's a lot of respect. for standup. Well, he's just like very normal, you. know? Like, hey man, what's up? Hey,

what's going on? Thanks for doing this. Like there's no weirdness. You know the weirdness that you get. sometimes when you do somebody's gig or. something, hanging out with somebody. like. Yeah. Yeah. So he was a a genuinely funny guy. So for a guy like that, it's like. there's so many head starts there. Like. I don't think Michael Richards is a. genuinely funny guy. I think he's just a. really good comedic like committer. He. commits to. Andy Kaufman type of a guy. Yeah. I mean like when he would slide. into every episode. Apparently Larry.

David did not like that. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah. Because it was like so sticky, right? It was so obvious that it was going to. happen in every episode. He was going to. come in. It was like it was too big. Becomes that Lenny and Squiggy moment. Hello. They'd always walk in on like Yeah. But. who would be dumb enough to say hello? Exactly. But I think this I liked when he would. do that. It didn't make the show less. awesome. Yeah. I mean, it was definitely a more sch. slapsticky. I think he gave it some range.

Yeah, some range. That's the best way of. put putting it. Yeah. Comedy range is important. I like. really stupid jokes, too. I like things. don't have to be 100% Patton Oswald for. me. Like I think Patton's hilarious. I. love his writing. I love really well. sculpted bits. But I also. Jim Brewer makes my inards fall out. He's so funny. Jim Brewer talking about his dad. [ __ ] himself was apparently like one. of the all-time funniest things that. Bill Burr had ever seen. It's hysterical. Yeah. Jim Norton was talking about it, too. He's like, "You can't believe how.

funny this bit is.". Yeah. It's like it just it hurts how funny. this bit is. Yeah. He's such a good dude, too. Here's. another one. Brewer is just such a good dude. Yeah. Just so nice, you know, when you're around that guy. like, and you watch him on stage, like. it comes out of him. Yeah. That he's. like this. He's a Long Island guy. Yeah. You know, it's all you can say. I mean, think about Kevin James and Gary. Valentine and Ray Romano. All these all. these Long Island guys, they just they. don't get any better than that. Just.

quality people. Yeah. There was a Eastside Comedy Club. out there that produced a lot of really. good talent, man. Yeah. Brian Rean. Oh, no. He was He was. Florida, but I think he I think when he. came to New York, he was like Johnny. Long Island. Lot of Well, that was I I saw Jenny. there. I saw Jenny at Eastside Comedy Club when. he was in his prime. And I remember um. one of the guys that works there was. talking about how Jenny did a different. hour for each show, Friday and Saturday. He did four different hours all weekend.

Wow. And they were all like, "We've. never seen anything like it." They were. all humbled. They're like, "What in the. fuck?". Yeah. Like there was a time. in the late 80s. where Jenny was just on fire. He was on. fire. And there was, you know, for. whatever reason, there was not as much. attention on him as some other guys that. had reached that same level proficiency. Yeah. He got some attention. Like he got some. Showtime specials and stuff and he did. really well. He always did really well. on the road, but.

I don't think he ever got the. recognition that he deserved. No, he got that one shot Platypus man, and it was on like a second day. It was. on like WB or one of those channels. And it's, you know, it's tough because. the guy was like chiseled out to be a. stand-up comic. He was a [ __ ] Formula. One stand-up comedian. And I don't know. how I I don't remember the TV show, but. something tells me that maybe he wasn't. the greatest sitcom actor of all time. and that he probably would have been. better suited to be a late night talk. show host or something like that. Well, something that I think he would.

have been better suited as being a. [ __ ] awesome stand-up comic. That's. what he was. It's like musicians, if. you're a musician, they don't want you. to be a rock star. They don't say uh or. rather um a movie star. They don't say, "Uh, hey man, you know, the way you sing. and dance, like you should stop doing. that and just start pretending." Yeah. But to a lot of standups, especially in. that era, it was like you wanted to get. that Seinfeld money. You wanted to be. Jerry Seinfeld. You wanted to have and. there's this thing about like a guy with.

a big sitcom, whether it's uh Tim Allen. or anyone who was like that in that they. got a certain amount of prestige in. Hollywood. Mhm. And when you're on the outside your. whole life, which a lot of stand-ups. are, the the the big wish other than. just actual success, not just worrying about paying your. bills, the big wish is that you get. inside. They finally love you. They take. you in. They take you in. And who's who. are you trying to get to take you in? The big daddy Hollywood. The big daddy. Hollywood takes you into his embrace,

you know? Yeah. And and and. turns out, you know, one of the great. alltime sitcoms with you at the helm of. it. and you're the new Jackie Gleason. and you're getting out there with your. wife and you're waving to the crowd. every day and everybody loves you and. you get that [ __ ] juicy charge. That's what they want, the inside. charge, right? And he never got that. No. I remember watching I was in Vegas. and I saw him out on the strip with a. camera. before there were selfies taking a. selfie of himself in front of a big. marquee that had his name on it, but it. was like a second tier hotel and I was.

just like, "Oh man, wow. Wow." Wow. And then, you know, from what. I understand, and you know, it. absolutely breaks my heart that he took. his own life because I think comics are. very vulnerable. I know I am. I get I'm. very affected by I wish I wasn't, but I. still like if I'm not getting the money. that I want or I'm not working a club. that I used to or whatever, it can. [ __ ] really eat me up, you know, because it's so personal. I'm the.

product. It's not I'm not selling paper, water. It's me. If you're rejecting an. offer for me, it's me. And and things go. up and things go down. But he was at a. point where for the first time, this is. what I understand, his date book was not. filled up, filled up for the year by. like February, and it always had been. And that dude was doing 50 to 100. corporate dates a year at 25 grand a. pop. And those were drying up. and he. couldn't handle it because it felt like. so much of who he was was wrapped up in.

his value as a comedian and as and I'm. not saying it was eroding but in his. mind it wasn't going in the right. direction. It wasn't going forward anymore. He. passed his peak. and he was in his 40s. Is that what it. was? Right. And he he was his girlfriend went inside. to make breakfast. They got out of bed. and he just went in the bathroom and. shot himself. and didn't kill himself either. Oh, is that right?

No, he was still alive. Yeah, they got had to take him to the. hospital. He died in the hospital. The. whole thing. Yeah. It's beyond [ __ ] man. But so. strange how, you know, like a guy like. Robin Williams, you know, you would look at in sort of. the same way like this, but him even. more so because he's so loved, right? so loved, but he wasn't on the inside anymore. Wasn't on the inside anymore. And things. were starting to slip away as far as.

like financial opportunities. He did. that sitcom that didn't work out. The movies that were interesting to him. were all like independent movies that. barely paid anything, you know, in the big roles. They just. don't happen that often. You got to take. them while they can, but he had like a. lot of overhead and but apparently when. he died, he still had a fuckload of. money. Oh [ __ ] Yeah. His family's fighting. over it right now. Yeah, I knew his uh. agent and uh. he wasn't broke by any stretch of the. imagination. Like people would like to.

say that, you know, like, oh, the guy. had just run dry. Like, no, he hadn't. He made 20 million a picture for a good. four or five movies. Mhm. He had to be worth $100 million. Well, he definitely had made a lot of. money. how much he kept. You know, when. you're balling like that, buying this, he had like a $30 million ranch. somewhere in like Northern California, some insane 60 acre [ __ ] thing. Yeah. That one of the things he was. trying to get rid of before he died.

Yeah. And I think there was a lot of. jewelry. I remember they were talking. about liquidating his estate. There was. a lot of like I think he bought his wife. a shitload of jewelry. That's interesting. Plus, he had alimony to pay. Mhm. Once divorced or twice. Yeah. Twice, I. think. Yeah. Went after that nanny. You went after. that nanny [ __ ]. Oh, that's a trap. That's a trap. Cuz she's always around, man. She's always around. She's younger. She's a better version of. your wife essentially. She takes care of your kids. Yes. She's good with your kids.

And at some point she was getting. dressed and you walked in at some point. and it's stuck in your head. I also. think that for a lot of comics, a lot of. guys who like genuinely need love and. acceptance and approval, for a lot of. these guys, that [ __ ] never turns off. Like it's on all the time and it's it. becomes like a demon that needs to be. fed, right? And when you're in a relationship and. things get bored and everything gets. stagnant, you take each other for.

granted. They're not having it. They're not having it. They got to keep. moving. They got to keep moving to the. next charge. They got to get the next. dangerous relationship, the next wild. ride. That's why drugs are involved a. lot. Quick charge or he was a [ __ ]. lunatic with riding his bike. That dude. would go out and ride 100 miles on his. bike every day. Really? Yeah. He was [ __ ] psychotic about. riding his bike. H. cuz cuz he'd stopped doing all the. drugs. Oh yeah, that makes sense. That makes. sense because you definitely get high. from running and you definitely get high.

from any kind of like extreme cardio. like that. You get that endorphin high, right? Yeah. Yeah, they they talk about that. being really similar to the high you get. from marijuana with some people because. apparently it's canabonoids. Canabonoids. get they get activated by uh you you. doing like cardio or doing jogging. It's. like a very similar thing. That's why. they call it runner's high. Well, I know guys that get high like on. their way to the gym. Do you ever do. that? Oh, yeah. It's a good match. How dare you ask me?

It's Ask me the different way. Do you. ever go to the gym when you're not high? No. No [ __ ] Really? I get high all the time, especially. before I lift weights. What do I want to. be sober? How does it affect the workout? Weights better. I get more into it. Yeah. Yeah. I feel my muscles better. I feel. like my tissue. I feel things moving. I. think that one of the things that pot. does that is uh really underappreciated. is it heightens sensitivity. Not just. your sensitivity like physical. sensitivity, like sexual sensitivity. It. definitely does that. but also like your.

sensitivity to people's feelings, sensitivity to your own feelings, and. your sensitivity to like lifting things. When you lift things, and I'm not. talking about getting obliterated where. you forget where you put your keys. Oh. my god, where's my car? Oh my god, how. did I get here? Oh my god, I don't even. remember walking in the door, man. I'm. talking about just a little bit high. Just you're a little nervous, but you. know what you're doing. Yeah. You know, and when you lift weights like that, I. feel like I'm more in tune with all the.

different fibers of my muscle. I'm more. in tune with my balance. I'm more in. tune with where the where the weight's. going. It just feels more natural to me. I'm more in tune with my body moving as. one unit. It just I feel like we're. focusing on the muscles that you're. using and not the other ones. Well, focusing also on the the entire. body is a balanced thing, right? as. opposed to just like if I'm lifting. something with my arm, just thinking. about my arm. When I'm high, I'm. thinking about where my legs are. positioned, how am I gripping the ground. with my toes? Am I engaging my back? Am.

I is my posture right? You know, you. just get real sensitive to all the. different movements of the body. And in. jiu-jitsu, it's legendary. like very. very um few of these uh especially like. like a lot of the Brazilian guys they. came over and it's one of the things. that American guys were shocked at was. how many Brazilian guys got high before. they uh did jiu-jitsu really apparently. super super common even back in the day. and nowadays it's a big part of. jiu-jitsu marijuana and jiu-jitsu go.

hand in hand it's a huge part of. jiu-jitsu it's not everybody and there's. some vehemently anti-pot people. And uh. that was uh one of the issues that a lot. of the Gracies had with Eddie Bravo. because Eddie Bravo is like he's not. just pro pot, he's like an evangelist. I. mean, he's a guy who got me smoking pot. and he's like he's not just saying, "Hey, it's not bad for you." He's saying. it's amazing for you. Like you need to. try this. And uh but those. and that's that's physical as well as.

mental then. [ __ ] yeah. It's it's you have a. heightened sensitivity. I think you have. a heightened sensitivity and you also. can get into a zone. Like part of. jiu-jitsu is about getting into a zone. You got to get into like what's called a. flow state. And a lot of that comes from. doing jiu-jitsu enough to where it. becomes second nature. Like moves become. second nature. Like is if you make a. mistake and you put your hand in a. certain position, the guy doesn't have. to think, okay, his arm's here. That. means I can shift my hips and throw my.

leg across his face. It just happens. It. happens before you even think about it. you make that mistake and he's got it. Like as you're making the mistake, he's. he's like literally a half of a second. behind you every step of the way, capturing all of your mistakes, anticipating them, and capturing them. And that happens in this weird flow. state. It happens better for me at least. when I'm high. Wow. Yeah. See, I guess that's the difference. between boxing and jiu-jitsu is like in. boxing, you could last a round or two as.

an unequal opponent, but in jiu-jitsu, they're going to find the weakness and. exploit it pretty quickly. Yeah. You if you're athletic and fast, you can do surprisingly well in a boxing. ring. Surprisingly well. Yeah. If. especially if you have advantages, physical advantages, like if you have a. really good athlete, so you could took a. like an oo that Chad oo oo guy like. super athlete, fast as [ __ ] you know, and he knows how to throw punches a. little bit, you know what I'm saying? If. you put cocky as hell, cocky and just super athlete, so fast.

If you put that guy, give him a little. bit of time to train and you put him. there with like a journeyman amateur. boxer, not an amateur boxer that like. wins world championships, but a guy. who's had a few amateur fights under his. belt, oosing might [ __ ] that dude up. Yeah. You know what I mean? Just just. based on his own physical advantages. But if you put oo in a ghee and put him. on the ground with. any Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt, he's. going to get [ __ ] up immediately. 100%. He's going to get wrapped up. And.

here he is right here working out. I. mean, the dude is just Oh, damn. Actually, he's got hands. They show him. working on a boxing gym. Yeah. Oh, dude. He can throw some punches. He's very. fast. Yeah. So, he would [ __ ] up a lot. of people. He's very. And it really is cockiness is a big part. of it, too. The bravado be able to stand. in your shoes and face a guy. for sure, but also physical ability. Like, he obviously has the ability to. throw very fast punches there. He'd be. dangerous to anybody, but. looks like Godfrey. John Jacqu Machado has one hand. One of. his hands is a thumb. Okay. And if John.

jock machado got a hold of Chad Oo. Senko, he's going to sleep. Yeah. 100%. of the time, right? Every single time. Every single time that they clinch up. I mean, if there's striking involved, it. could be very differently. If it was if. it was if he didn't want to grapple with. them, that guy's probably so strong and. so fast. If he knew a few takedown. defenses and knew how to stuff someone, he would it would take like a really. good wrestler to bring him to the. ground. Mhm. But if a a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black. belt got a hold of him, he's going to.

get tapped every time. It's just a. different thing. It's not completely. dependent on athleticism. Whereas like. fighting is a lot of athleticism. Movement is a lot of athleticism. There's some guys that you see, they. fight in the UFC and even though they're. doing well, it's like, you know, they're. headed towards a cliff. Yeah. Like you there's a certain aspect. they're missing in their movement. There's a certain amount of speed. they're missing. Certain amount of. violence that they just can't they just. they just can't put out. They can't do.

it the way other guys can. And there's. some guys that just like natural from. the jump can do it way better than you. in a lot of ways. Yeah. And those guys are always going to be. champions. There's there's there's like. this champion body and this champion. mindset and they vary, you know, the. varies by looks and some of them some of. them actually look like chubby, but it's. not about what they look. It's about. what they can do with that body. Yeah. And some people just don't have it. They. just don't have it. Well, yeah. Because it's innate. I mean, it's it's the innate sport. It's.

survival, you know. It's before Before. there were weapons and there was there. was basically jiu-jitsu. There was guys. that were just, you know, mixed martial. arts. That was that was. survival. Yeah. And there was no training for it. Well, there was some training for a long. time. They've been training things for. thousands and thousands. I'm talking about caveman, man. Oh, caveman. [ __ ] yeah. I think the there's there's. like images on the walls and pyramids of. some sort of grappling. Like people have. been trying to figure out what's the. best way to get people to the ground and. beat the [ __ ] out of them for a long. time. Yeah.

But it's just, you know, it's until. recently they didn't really have it down. right. They didn't really know what they. were doing until the last 100 years or. so, right? And the last 20 has been more there's. more more evolution in the last 20 years. in martial arts than the last 20,000. Yeah. Soon as they figured out mixed. martial arts, the UFC came along, people. started figuring out what works and what. doesn't work, and you realize like. there's a lot of there's a lot of [ __ ]. that people have been doing for a long. time. It's just nonsense. Yeah. Well, and also physical training.

is so different. People, you know, understanding the way muscles work and, you know, what kind of aerobic exercise. is best with, you know, I mean, I don't know it. Look at me. What do I know? I. I get on a [ __ ] elliptical machine. for a half hour and watch CNN and then I. I do. I do about uh maybe seven or eight sets. of stuff and then I'm gone. And then I see Ken come in. He works out. in my gym. Ken comes in and he does this.

25 minute workout that it looks like. he's in a fist fight for 25 minutes in. the gym. He's. Does he work out hard? Oh yeah. Really? He works with this guy. Lou, this trainer, and Lou just pushes. him through and he's just like, it's. this total like CrossFit kind of thing. where he's up doing crunches on and and. then he's push-ups and [ __ ] crazy. like kettle bells and and then he's just. like, "See you, man." Like, what the. [ __ ] was that? Cuz it's only 25 minutes. and he looks great. You see that guy's. body at his age? Oh, easy. No, seriously. His [ __ ] is what?

Delicious. What? It's not delicious, but. you know, you But staring at the balls. offsets the luck. Real close. He um he works out at that box and burn. place, too. It's like one of those. cardio box. since he moved. Yeah. He's not at my gym. as much since he moved. He used to be on. the west side. West Side. So, he does boxing training. Well, that's where he was. He was doing. it down in Santa Monica with Wayne. McCulla. You know, Wayne McCulla, the. former world champion, right? He teaches people how to box down there. Wow.

Yeah. But, uh, Brian was getting hit in. the head for a while. I had to talk to. him about it. I'm like, "Why you. sparring with people?" He's getting. getting whacked in the head. I'm like, "Dude, you're already an impulsive, ridiculous person." Like, "Maybe she. shouldn't be getting punched by random. 20-year-olds. Protect what you got left.". That ask you if you want to spar. Like, he's saying, "Okay, he's sparring with. people." Like, whoa. Yeah. Easy, buddy. Yeah. That's not necessary. Yeah. That's not good for you. You spar though. You You just spar. jiu-jitsu. Jiu-Jitsu sparring is. different because you're not getting hit. in the head.

You could do it. Look, you could spar as. long as you spar with somebody you trust. and you're going to get hit a few times, but it's not a few times you really have. to worry about. It's the accumulation of. many, many gym wars that really winds up. [ __ ] guys up, right? That's um it's more common than you. think. You ever grapple with Joey Diaz? No. You don't want Joey on top of you. You got to stream that, man. If you set. up a match with you and Joey Diaz just. to see it physically.

What if he No. What if he dies? I can't. do that. What if. What a way to go. Imagine you trying to. give a eulogy at the funeral. Oh god, everybody's so mad at me. I'm sorry everybody. You went too hard, Rogan. You [ __ ]. [ __ ]. I'd just let him tap me. You couldn't though. That's the thing. You'd have to kill him. No, he'd have to kill Joey Diaz. He'd be. If he got you in side control, I. guarantee you Joey knows how to hold his.

weight down. He's learned from Hig. Machado. He Machado is uh legit world. championship caliber black belt and he's. teaching Joey real jiu-jitsu. Joey's 300. lb. If he gets on top of you and gets. side control, good luck getting out of. there. You think he could hold you? I don't know. I wouldn't want to find. out. I wouldn't want him on top of me. That should be what the video is. He. starts on top of you. It's whether or. not you can get away from Joey Diaz. That. that would get about a million. downloads. Well, I don't want to do it.

I'll help. I'm scared. I'll help. I'll go under there with you. We can both fit. I'll bring a knife. together. We might not get out. You know, we'll be like We'll be like. those two guys at that prison in upstate. New York who got the power tools to. escape. What happened? You didn't hear about that? When was this? Oh, this is the greatest [ __ ] story. of the year. Two dudes in a maximum. security prison in upstate New York. 3,000 inmates. These dudes got through. [ __ ] inch thick steel walls. with power tools they'd stolen from the.

prison. Went down into the piping like. classic old school like Birdman Eastwood. movie. Clint Eastwood movie. And they went into. the sewer pipes and they came up through. a manhole cover on the other side. They've been missing since sat Friday. night. Oh my god. Five days they've been gone. They have. no [ __ ] idea where they are. So, they're out in the wild. They were out in the wild and they they. escaped they escaped at night and they. didn't find them till the morning. That's amazing. And they left a little post-it note uh. saying, "See you later." with a little.

Chinese guy smiling. Why Chinese guy? I don't know. I think it was racist. Whoa. Well, it said, "See you raider.". Did it really? Now it's. Go to that story. I need to see more. Jamie, don't don't turn away. Go up to. the top. But like when is it when is it. loud enough that you can use [ __ ]. power tools? Power tools and a ruse. And where's your. Wow. What is a What did uh what was the ruse? They left uh stuffed up pillows with.

with a hoodie. I mean the the the. classic stuffed bed for bed check. What did these guys do? Murderers. One murdered a uh a cop. Oh god. They're looking for them in the. wilderness and rural communities of. northern New York. Right. Duping. Wow. It's It's like right out of. a. or even Canada. They had a They had a dummy fashioned. out of sweatshirts using power tools to. drill out of their cells. The Clinton. Correctional Facility. The men made. their getaway late Friday or early. Saturday, emerging on the other side of.

the prison's 30 foot tall walls. Wow. How good must it have felt to get out? How good must it have felt to just drill. through that hole? That's see. that that raising Arizona moment where. you're birthed. Remember that moment. where John Goodman comes out of the. earth and it's muddy. and it's like he's being born. I wonder how the [ __ ] they could get get. away with this. Is there a way to get. away with it ultimately in this day and. age? I mean, this is a crazy day and. age. Everyone's got a credit card. You.

know, it's hard to just have cash. Well, also, you know, they're going to. put their their faces out on digital. media. Yeah, let's see their faces. H. And the other crazy thing is their cells. were next to each other. So, not only. did they tunnel out, they tunnneled in. between their two cells. Dude, there's uh Oh, wow. That's crazy. Employee questioned. Yeah. This guy was supposed to maybe. pick them up and then he bailed. He was.

going to pick them up on the outside, but he went to the hospital instead. I don't know. I hate CNN.com cuz they always launch a. video on you. I don't want the video. Yeah, let me read. I can still read. Investigators think a woman who worked. with Richard Matt and David Sweat at the. Clinton Correctional Facility planned to. pick up the convicted killers after they. escaped but changed her mind at the last. minute. So, she worked there. She went. to a hospital this weekend because of. panic attacks.

There's a little stress employ. Wow. You imagine the stress of helping. murderers get out of the cage. So, what. was going on? Let me see what what she. looked like. because somebody must have been giving. her some dick. Yeah, most prison guys are really hot. Yeah. Right to it, Jamie. Yeah, that's exactly what was happening. Somebody was slinging some dick her way. I would if I was in prison. Needed it. Yeah. Listen, first of all, that is gold. in prison. That woman, I mean, it's it's.

hard to get any love in at all. Doesn't. matter if she's a little overweight. If. she's kind to you and she's female, you'd be super psyched. I'm trying to think how low the bar. could go if I was in prison. It could be. really low. Go a small guy. Asian. Whatever you want. I'm going to go Asian on this one. Look at her poor [ __ ]. Double chin, glasses. She's enormous. Probably a food addict. Can't see. She's been in love. She was in love. She's had poop thrown at her for the.

last 20 years. What's Yeah. Right. What's going on now, man? What's going on with her? She's. She must have confessed, right? The trouble is that these guy one was a. cop killer. So any her helping them in. any way, she's got to be She's She's. walking dead inside. She's [ __ ]. Yeah. Well, not only is she walking dead. inside, she's going to jail. Well, we don't know what she did. She probably made a deal. She made a deal, but she didn't out of. it. But it doesn't matter. She knew. these guys. Yeah, because she knew that.

these guys were escaping. These guys are free. So if these guys, these free men, look at the creeps. Look. at them, creepers. They look really creepy. They do. Well, they're real murderers. Look at them. If you um. if you just think about running into. them, I mean, if you're if you're. someone who runs into them and then you. get kidnapped or you get killed cuz. they're trying to get a car or something. like that, that woman is almost directly. responsible for that. She could have. prevented it. Well, and they're going to kill people. because uh there's no going back. Yeah,

there's no going back. They'll be in solitary for the rest of. their lives, no matter what. Slain deputy's brother. I just hope he. doesn't come back. Wow. Yeah, cuz there's a part of you that, I. hate to say this, that pulls for them. just because it's so [ __ ] crazy, but. then you got to remind yourself that. they're pieces of [ __ ]. Exactly. You got to remind yourself. like, what if that was your brother that. they shot and killed? Right. Yeah.

But it is easy in these because of all. the movies you see to to. come up with a plan. Yeah. Well, people have these [ __ ] cells. and they're in them for 20 hours a day. You have time to think. That's all you're thinking about. Whereas the guards are thinking about a. thousand things. They think they got everything covered. But you start putting data together. Like I know that the guard is at this. spot at 2 o'clock. At 2:15, he goes down. usually to take a piss, you know, and. you have these ideas in your head of how.

this is going to plan out. And when you. see a path, you see a path and you've. been studying it for years and years and. years, you just run for it. Just run for. some weird path. Look, I got a son. I get it. I cuz I. know when I was 13, 14 years old and I. was grounded, I was [ __ ] out of. there. I had a my window I I was on the. second story but over a sheer drop and. there was a ledge outside my window that. was about two feet long at a 45 degree. angle with old shingles on it and I used.

to have to go out my window and shimmy. holding the door frame holding the. window frames of all the other windows. all the way across to the side of the. house where I could jump down and uh I. used to go out every night and I'd climb. back in again off a ladder that I would. kick over and they never caught me until. one night I came home and I was drunk as. [ __ ] and uh and my f I remember my. father threw a beating on me. So I went. upstairs and I was like, "Fuck this." So. I open up the window and I guess I was.

like, you know, going loud because I was. so mad. And so I all a sudden I looked. down in the backyard and there's my. mother and my father. and my father goes, "Greg, get off the. roof. You're drunk." And I shot like a. squirrel over the top of the roof and. onto the front yard. dove down, ran down. the hill, ran away for like three days. Oh my god, you rebel. And uh. Did you really three days? Yeah. And the whole time I was gone, I. was like, they don't [ __ ] know where. I am. I'm I'm at my best friend's house. and he's he's got a he lives in like.

this tenement and he's he's got a single. mom. And meanwhile, she had called him. She What do you think? A parent's not. going to call another parent when their. kid is staying at their house? It. literally didn't occur to me that they. were on to me. So, did they let you stay there for a. few days to cool off? Was that the idea? They wanted nothing to do with it. They. just they just let And I remember coming. home after three days. I cool down and I. remember walking home. It was a Sunday. night and the sun had gone down and I. walked through my backyard and I looked.

in the living room window and my mom was. up with one light on reading the. newspaper and I just remember looking at. her thinking she was just so all alone. and it struck me for the first time like. wow she really she she missed me you. know like I was missed because in my. mind the whole time I was like [ __ ] them. they were the enemy they don't care. about me and then I came in the house. and I was expecting to get another. beating and instead she just like very. cold it was go to your room. Whoa. And I was like, how do you think this. [ __ ] thing started?

Okay, ladder again. Here you go. Climb out of the room. routine again. I gave it a shot. [ __ ] it. I'm done. And. how old were you? I was probably 14. There's a lot of people who have left, ran away from home around that age. Yeah, that's the age, right? Between 14 and. 17. Yeah, my kid's 14 now. I'm riding it. real real gentle. Little loose on the. reinss. Give them some space. Yeah. You can't.

tough though to then pull it. Upset with you. Can't let them be upset. with you. No, I'm trying to stay. First of all, it's a very existential thing that my. son is bigger than me. He's a He's an. athlete. He's in better shape. He's. stronger. He's bigger. So, he can kick your ass? No, he can't kick my ass. No. You sure? No. What if he learns? He He's a black belt in Taekwondo. I. told you that. So, how do you how come. you don't think he can kick your ass? Because I think you're intimidated by. your dad. I don't think that you can let. yourself beat up your dad. That's my. only weapon right now.

I could [ __ ] my dad up. Yeah. But back then, too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When I was Is that my [ __ ] car? Find out. I had a problem with it. before. Yeah. So, how come you never did? I didn't. want to, but I I wasn't really. physically threatened, right? You know, checking [ __ ] My uh my car. went off out here for like an hour one. night. I didn't know it was my car. I.

was like, whose [ __ ] car is going off. like that? Somebody had hit me. Oh, [ __ ] Really, dude? When you have a parking lot with a. bunch of people out in the parking lot, they're always bumping into cars. People are half paying attention. They're texting. They're parking, doing a really shitty. job of it, pulling out. Like I just I. saw somebody hit somebody the other day. um with one of these big ass Ford pickup. trucks. These big long bed pickup trucks. [ __ ]. just backs up. If you live in a city, come on.

Well, I mean I don't know where this guy. lived, but I remember watching him back up. going, "Do you know how to drive that. [ __ ] dunk?" Oh, you [ __ ] dummy. All right. He just got way too And that a big ass. metal bumper and [ __ ] up some guy's. light. Now, I'm not racist or. homophobic. Yeah, I am. But not I. wouldn't call myself that. But I got a. problem with people in cities that drive. pickup trucks. I find them as a people. to be bad people. I find them to be. close-minded and uh overly aggressive.

Suge Knight ran over those people in a. pickup truck. That's right. He was in a Raptor. Was he Ford Raptors? That's not even a good one, right? It's a great one. Oh, it is. It's probably the best one. Oh, no [ __ ]. Yeah. It's a uh pickup truck with like a. real off-road suspension like you could. drive. People take those things out into. the uh the sand. No, they don't. Sure they do. Raptors for. few people do. Most people buy them and. they never leave the [ __ ] pavement. That's true. But if you wanted to, those. things have amazing off-road.

capabilities. My neighbor has one. Well, I think about Oh, holy [ __ ] [ __ ]. That's the new one. That's bad. 2015. Oh, they're a beast. Oh, and it's. got that plate in the front. Yeah. Yeah. What's that called again? What's that. plate called? Splash guard. I think it is. But the thing is when I think about the. apocalypse or some type of gas attack. that hits LA, think of one of those. those Well, cuz the the roads are all. going to be closed. And when I was a. kid, we used to ride we used to ride. motorcycles underneath. There were power.

lines that ran from New York City all. the way straight straight up state. And. at any given point, you could get. underneath those power lines because. they had a service road because they got. to service the power lines. So there's. always a dirt path and it's the greatest. for motorcycle riding. But I'm sure. there's the same thing in LA. There's. got to be a way out underneath those. power lines. So if if the 405 is going. to be shut down, 10 shut down. The only. way out is going to be in a truck like. that on a road like that. There's got to be ways that you could.

get up to San Francisco without driving. a road. But I can't imagine them. How could you? You need some wire cutters. Well, you'd have to go through You have. definitely have wire cutters, but you'd. also have to go through like some. mountains and [ __ ] Yeah. Like you're not going to get through. mountains in that thing, right? Then you would need one of those even. you wouldn't be able to do that. I was. thinking you need like one of those. jeeps that you can crawl with, you know, rock crawling. You ever see people do. that [ __ ]. right? Well, what about the uh what. about that path that what's her name. took in Wild? Reese Witherspoon. I don't think that's real.

Yes, it is. Of course it is. That's like saying the Titanic movie. Did you see that? Yeah. That's not real. That's not real. That was That was fake. Does she walk though? That [ __ ] real. actors and actresses, right? Didn't she walk? Yeah, but what do you think? You can't. take a truck where somebody can walk. No, you can't. Oh, yeah. She jumped through some river. beds. Get through those trees in your truck. You got to chop down all the trees and. make an obvious path and then it'll. follow you. Maybe you need a motorcycle. That won't even work. You couldn't take.

a motorcycle through the mountains. No. No. You'd get to the top, you'd fall, it. land on you, break your leg, you die up. there. Wolves would eat you. [ __ ] man. That's no way to go. I'll. take the gas attack back in LA. At least. there's sushi. It's hard to figure out whether you. would want to die instantly in. Apocalypse or whether you'd want to be. the next group of survivors that. eventually five generations later became. the new civilization. Because the first. couple civiliza, this going to be. [ __ ] Genghaskhan times. It'll be Mad. Max. It'll be. it'll be the worst the worst aspects of.

the Walking Dead. There will be only rape. There will be. no consensual sex. It's going to be like it is in certain. parts of like the Congo or you know. places right now that are really remote. and [ __ ] up. That's what the whole. world would be like. Yeah. And but there there might be some. fun to surviving and then dying like. being a part of the wave of people that. are staggering around with their eyes. burning but like you're one of the ones. that that is healthy compared to them. for a while. So, you kind of feel like. there's this ultimate reality show.

happening and you're you're one of the. finalists. You're winning. You're one of the you. are the survivor. Congratulations, Greg. The rest of the world is dead. You get. all the fish and coconuts. And just as you're rounding up all the. coconuts, all of a sudden you go, "No, you got the virus, too. Just you had a. slightly better immune system. You. lasted a few extra days. But I got the coconuts. It's why that show Lost was always so. intriguing because everybody wondered.

like what would you do if you were. removed from the rest of civilization? How would you survive? What would life be like? I know. And they kind of nailed it. because they humanized it. They didn't. make every like Planet of the Apes and. all that. Everybody's very stoic and. they've got the same That was a bunch of. real people reacting in real ways. Yeah. Some were weak, some were strong, some had character. The fat guy. Mhm. Some had to rise to the occasion. Yeah. Some gave their life and sacrifice. Some became leaders automatically.

Mhm. Yeah. Yeah. That was a in a lot of ways it. explored like one of the main thoughts. that people have when they look at the. the the fragile nature of society. Like. if it falls apart, how would I do? What. would happen? What would it be like? Yeah. And that's what a show like that covers. Gilligans Island, you know, although no. one [ __ ] Ginger or Maryanne, there's. no one [ __ ] at all. If you want to.

talk about like one of the most. unrealistic shows of all time, Gilligan's Island had to be cuz there. was no sex. There was no sex and yet all their basic. human needs were pretty well met because. the professor built these kickass huts. They had a lagoon stuffed with fish. Yeah. It was like they were in Eden, so they. had plenty. It's not like they didn't. have time to hit on Ginger. No. make her. a [ __ ] make her a necklace out of. some coral. And they were always trying to leave and. go back to civilization. And all the. people in Civilization would watch that. show going, "Dude, you're in paradise.".

Yeah. You're This girl can't do any better. than you cuz there's no one else. That's right. You're trapped with like the hottest. woman on the world. The movie star, the. professor and Mary here on Gilligan. And the the professor wasn't a bad. looking dude. is a handsome bastard. She. could have hooked up with either one of. those chicks. Look how [ __ ] hot she was. [ __ ] animal. Good lord. Oh my god. Look how [ __ ]. hot she is. Damn. She wore some skimpy outfits, too,

didn't she? Of course she did. I love how they. pretended she had like cheetah skin. outfits on. Where are you killing a. cheetah? Did you skin that cheetah? Like, how the. [ __ ] did you make that? They really They uglied Maryanne down, too. But they kept her They had good. body as [ __ ] I thought Marannne was. hotter. I agree. She was more my type. Yeah, I mean the the the ginger, she. just seemed like she needed a lot of. work. Look how hot Maryanne is. To say. that Maryanne was not the hot one. What. the [ __ ] man? Really? How's that poss?

Marian is hot as [ __ ] dude. Yeah, she is. Ginger is just slightly different. Just. Ginger's trying too hard. Maryannne's. got a straw hat on. Maryanne is She's the girl in the barn. giving out hand jobs. No, no, no. You marry her, bro. What the. [ __ ]. No, you marry Mrs. Howell. You got to bring her a lot of jewelry, but you marry her. Look how Look at that. Yeah, look at. Maryanne's body in that ass. Holy [ __ ].

She had that 70s body, too. A little. wider in the hips, little thick at the top of the leg, but the flat ass belly with the recessed. belly button. Oh my god. Any shots of the feet? [Laughter]. That old school foot fetish. Oh, they wearing high heeled shoes on. the rowboat. Wow. What a weird weird weird show. Yeah. What a weird dynamic as far as only.

three women. Mhm. Three women and two of them were young. and stupid hot with no suitors. No. obvious suitor. There wasn't like a. football player that was also on this. three-hour tour who crashed there with. him. Some big brrawy dicks slinging. savage from the Iowa cornfields. doing deadlifts with palm trees and [ __ ]. trying to stay fit on the island. No. No. There's no one. There was Gilligan. who was ambiguously sexual. Yeah.

Like he didn't know what he was. He was. a boy child. He might have been gay. He might have he. masturbation. His shirt was always. clean. It was red and always like. absolutely squeaky clean. and he always had that stupid hat on. And then there was the professor. And. then there was the skipper who was this. slob who just stayed fat despite the. fact that you know there's no to there's. no pasta. There's no bread up there. Where's he getting all the sugar from? He never lost any weight. It's incredible that he could keep the. weight on because they also had to be.

rounding [ __ ] up. They had to be active. just to survive. They all had tailored clothes. Look at. the professor's shirt. professor was uh. Jay Crew catalog. His shirt never showed any sign. whatsoever of fatigue. Like he's out. there with one [ __ ] shirt in the. middle of the jungle. It looks amazing, right? It'd be like the greatest shirt. advertisement of all time. Iron, too. It's ironed as [ __ ] Look how crispy the. collar is. Yeah. And look at the look at Skipper. He's. got that stupid hat on. He makes sure he wears a Skipper hat so. everybody knows his rank. And that's the crazy thing. And Mr. pal.

who who has he's got mill he's a. millionaire which by the way think back. to that actually meant something back. then having a million dollars meant you. had trunks and trunks of clothes and. jewelry and and he basically did nothing. he never did any lifting he never did. any work mean I would be like. [ __ ] money doesn't mean anything. on this island. anymore. go rake up the beach. you got to wonder how did he get that. money did he win the lottery was he. given that money is family his family.

Who's the black and white gal in the. middle there? Right there. Who's that? That's Tina Louise. That's Oh my god. Is. that what she looks like now? How is that possible? Wow. This is what she looks like now. Whoa. Why' that sound happen at the. exact same time you clicked on that? How. rude. Go to view image. Blow that [ __ ]. up. This is what she looks like now. Well, she's got to be like. quite old now, right? Oh. Oh. Time you.

[ __ ]. Time you [ __ ]. How dare you? 2015. God. Go. Look at the tits though. Go big on that view image. Age restricted. Whoa. Oh, that is a goddamn shame. Time is a ruthless [ __ ]. And it's not like she avoided the knife. either. I hope they made the money. Some. sometimes you find out those sitcoms. they didn't make [ __ ]. They did not. They did not. That was a.

long time ago. He's probably signing pictures at. conventions and [ __ ]. Wow. Cuz none of them worked again. Poor girl. I don't remember seeing any of them in. anything else. No. Um Gilligan, he would do like these. uh love fan things. Well, they would do these fan. experiences. They'd pay to take photos. with them and [ __ ] I think they did. that. I don't know if he did that, but a. lot of like a lot of stars wound up. doing that. They do autograph signings. They get. And what's the range of conversations.

you have at that here? You be you be. Gilligan. I'll be a fan. Bunch of people in line and then like. every conversation is rushed, right? Because there's a bunch of people behind. you. Yeah. Hey, I love you as Gilligan. Thank you. Thank you. Move along, please. Hey, was was there Did you guys really. go to an island for that? Um I'm sorry, sir. If you want to uh. answer questions, it cost more. And what. about Ginger? Marianne hotter. Just one. more thing. You can't say that. Why not? Because we're at a signing. You just.

broke my heart. Thank you. Thank you. Here's $20 for the bad conversation. Imagine that. That same conversation. over and over and over for 5 hours a. day. And that's the only way you can pay. your rent. But isn't that better than working at. like a shitty job, making terrible. money? Yeah. So, it's just it just sucks. in perspective. Like, if you just saw. what she looked like, you're like, "Yeah, that's a lady in her 70s.". But if you saw what she looked like when. she was in her 20s and then saw what she. looked like in her 70s, that's when it.

hurts your feelings. That's tough on women. Cuz with men, whoa, how is she still hot? She's 74. She looks good. Maryanne was the one. Dawn Wells. Maryanne was clearly the one cuz she's. still very pretty at 74 years old. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Tina Louise was a lot of makeup. and fashion. There you go. Maryanne was was just. pure. There's your answer. Yeah, boy. See, let's see a picture of um Gilligan. today. Much more forgiving, I bet.

You think so? Gilligan from Gilligan's Island now. We're still. Look how good the professor looks up. top. Yeah, but dude, he's still Is that the. professor? Wow. Like Michael K. Not bad. He's about 100 years old. Who's. that? Who's that guy? That's. just random pictures. No [ __ ]. Yes, it is. Oh my god, he lost all the. weight. He looked except the nose didn't lose. the weight. Every other part of him did. Is that real? Wow, that's interesting, man. Yeah, it's.

interesting when someone would get on a. show like that and be a huge star like I. Dream of Genie. Yeah, remember that? What a piece of ass she was. Oh, she was hot as [ __ ] But she would. go from that from that and like not do. much after that. Right. Right. And the guy who played. her boyfriend on it, didn't they swap? They swapped them out. Did they? Yeah. Larry Hagman. No, they had a different one. Was it I. Dream of Genie or Bewitched? I'm.

Bewitched. Beed there was two different. guys. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. There were a couple shows that. swapped the guy out. The main guy, right? In Bewitched, they swapped the main guy. Somebody held up on his contract and. they went, "Really?". See, I did not pal. Larry Hagman went on. to do a lot of [ __ ]. Hell yeah. He did a million different things. That's not a good example. But. I was thinking of. Well, Froop actually a few Richard. Dawson went on. Yeah. Oh, F Troop. A lot of those guys. went on. Yeah, a lot of those guys went on. I was confusing Bewitched with I Drew.

and Genie. Yeah. But they were both super hot women. Oh. my god. The Bewitched lady. What is her. name? Tabitha Stevens. Is that what it. was? Bewitched. That's also the name of. a porn star. Yeah, I think Stevens is the porn star. Bewitched. What was her name? Yeah, that's right. She was a really hot. witch. She was hot as [ __ ] There's another. pitch. I just love that you could go in. and pitch a There's a genie that this. dude locks in a bottle.

But Bewitch was a witch. She would do. that thing with her nose. I'm thinking I dream. Right. Right. remember she would do things with her. nose and she was like a really nice. witch. and she could do anything but he. wouldn't let her. It was a total [ __ ]. male chauvinist pig show. It was all. about a woman's ability to do things and. a man holding her back. And I Dream of. Genie was the same thing. Yeah. He wouldn't let her. he locked her up and would let her do. reach her powers. I wonder which one stole the money or. stole the idea from who because it's.

kind of the same story in a way. He's. very archetyp archetypal. Archetypical, right? Archetypal. The story story is very similar. Yeah. But wait, go back picture for a. second. Controlling man. Look at Look at him. He's got his hand. over her mouth and he's pointing in her. face in an aggressive abusive way and. she looks scared. And that was on a sitcom before. That's [ __ ] up. Meanwhile, she could turn him into a. [ __ ] broom, right? She do whatever she wants. Turn his dick into jello. But she loved him, man. He knew. He knew.

she. no matter what. No matter. They were. [ __ ] He was an [ __ ] And Larry. Hagman was such a douche on that show. All you could think was like, "Dude, why. don't you just get a nice bed and. breakfast with this [ __ ] up in Santa. Barbara and go enjoy the greatest [ __ ]. of all time?". Yeah. Go [ __ ] the genie. What's wrong. with you, dude? Enjoy the bottomless bucket of [ __ ]. that she's going to offer you. and magic. And she loves you. And she loved him. And he wasn't interested. N. she lived in a bottle. [ __ ]. speciesist [ __ ] Which which.

one was the original Darren? Oh my god. Wait a minute. There's two different. ones. Okay, that's the difference. between Bewitched and I Dream of Genie. They're both hot as [ __ ]. Genie was beyond hot. She was. They're both hot as [ __ ]. I know, but Jeanie was crazy hot. I don't know if any upper leftand. corner, you're right. Look at that right. there. Bam. There's your answer right. there. Yeah, Barbara Eden was just stunning. Yeah, they're both hot as [ __ ] What are you. talking about? Happy one of them.

No, Bewitch was pretty. She's a 10. Genie was just a [ __ ] splurge monkey. She was. Look at her with that outfit, too. Look at that belly and midrift. Yeah. Oh, you good kid. You look at that body. Oh, and she's probably 50 then. Yeah, that's She's probably old as [ __ ] but. look at her body, man. Even when she got. older, her body was tremendous. That's nice. Look at her. What are you going to do? You get you get to marry a woman that.

stays in shave. That's. don't make shows like this anymore. Why. do you think that is? You know, they did Third Rock from the. Sun and that had a nice big run and then. uh fantasy sitcoms kind of went array. went array after that. Is it array or ary? I always [ __ ] that. up. Ary? I meant away and I [ __ ] up and. said array. Then you saved me by saying. ary. like niche or niche. I guess you could. say both. Yeah. Someone said you're not saying it right. And then I said, "Are you sure?" And. then I looked it up and apparently you. could say both ways.

Yeah. Niche or niche, right? So there is no like, is that correct? I. don't think there's a correct way, right? Your niche. Niche sounds better though. Sounds like you're sophisticated. There's certain. Say Porsche or Porsche. Porsche. Cuz I own one. You have to say it right. Oh, you can you should only be able to. say that way if you have one. Yeah. Well, no, you should say it. correctly no matter what. But my friend. Moraurice Smith, he was the one the. first one to correct me. I go, "Yeah, it's a nice Porsche." She goes, "Porsche." Porsche. Say Porsche.

That's what it's called. Okay. It's like. a white trash thing, you know. What about Jaguar? Jaguar. Is it Jaguar? You have to say Jaguar. Well, it's not owned by English people. anymore. We say Jaguar. What kind of a. cat is it? It's a Jaguar. Is that have a cat on the bumper? Yeah, but it's not Jag. It's Jaguar. I Some Americans say Jaguar, and it. really is douche flag number one. Jaguar. Yeah, the Jaguar in Afghanistan. Ken might say Jaguar. Yeah, if you talk to Ken.

You know what? I literally almost just. said I bet Ken says Jaguar. He's so good at pronouncing things. correctly. Afghanistan. But he [ __ ]. grew up in a million different countries. all over the world. Jaguar in Chile. In Chile. I actually say Chile cuz I was there. once and it really is like ugly American. to not say Chile. Yeah, it's really ugly. American. I'm here for Chile. Chile. Can I get a. case of deer? Well, there's certain countries where we. just name them. We don't like your name. We call you something different. Yeah.

You know, like Deutsland, Germany. We like Germany better. Netherlands. No. Holland. Sorry. Yeah. What's the What's the. Really? There's one. Really? Oh, Japan. They don't call it Japan. They They. didn't. It was Nepon. Yeah. Yeah. We call it Japan. Like, you got. your own name now, [ __ ]. We're like We're like the Ellis Island. of countries. We tell you what your new. name is. These guys that escaped, what part of. the They're They're in upstate New York. And are they near the woods? Is that. what what they're near? This is a good.

time to. It's the northeast corner of New York. So, they're pretty near Canada. Oh, so they're just going to go. see the [ __ ] note. You have to post. it. Have a nice day. With a racist picture of a Chinese guy. with buck teeth and slanted eyes. Do you think they're trying to say that. they're going to China? Ah, it is an interesting choice. And it. looks like the circle was made with like. a protractor. Those lines are dead. straight. That wasn't a an afterthought. Yeah, that's a beautiful line. Same with the triangle. Yeah, the triangle's perfect, too.

Yeah, that's weird. Have a nice day. And it looks like it's held on with a. magnet or something. Yep, that's exactly what it's held on. with. That's hilarious. They're hilarious murderers who carved. into steel pipes. And how the [ __ ] did. they know where that steel pipe went to? Well, that's where there must have been. people on the inside. And again, if you think being a [ __ ]. prisoner is bad, being a guard, they. say, might even be worse. So now you're. going to work every day having [ __ ].

thrown at you, worried about being. killed, breaking up fights, total. monotony, and then and then on top of. it, so you get a chance to maybe maybe. these guys are siphoning money to you. from some relatives on the outside or a. gang on the outside and all of a sudden. you got an extra 20 grand because you. got the schematics of the pipes from the. office when the boss wasn't looking. You're going to do it. Look at this [ __ ] what they were in. jail for. Sweat was serving a life. sentence for shooting the sheriff's. deputy 15 times in 2002. Matt was in.

prison for the kidnapping, murder, and. dismemberment of a man who had fired him. from his job at a food warehouse. Well, it was a food warehouse. That's a. tough one. It's a good gig. Get it. You got to. protect it. You got to kill and dismember for that. one. Whoa. So, these are sick psychopathic dudes. Yeah. He has tattoos on his back that. say Mexico forever. Well, I guess we know where they're. headed. [Music]. It's a ruse, though. That's the ruse.

They went to Canada. Canada forever. That's That's going to. be his new tattoo. Well, you could live in Mexico. Um, you're not going to survive in Canada. once it gets cold. You know, if you if you escape into the. border and you go deep deep deep into. Mexico, you might conceivably reach some. place where people never question who. you are and you ek out some existence as. a laborer or something like that. And. they're not on the same websites. If. the Canadians are on the lookout, I. mean, that whole if you live within 500.

miles of that escape, you're on high. alert and you're looking at the pictures. and if a couple dudes wander into town. that nobody knows, it's over. Yeah. Yeah. No doubt about it. No doubt. about it. And anybody that's in the. woods that lives out there, you're going. to be on high guard watching out for. your supplies, you know, maybe having a. gun when you enter into your house. Guns. You you gota really worried about. being in Canada, too, because that's. where people try to go and they escape. Yeah. You know, like you're you're escaping.

from literal imprisonment. Like someone. locking you in a cage like a rat and you. get out of that cage, you just this. [ __ ] I've got to make this work. I'm. free. And how much food do you have? And. how much time do you have? And how how. much of this plan have you really set. into motion? 50% of it? 100%? Where's. the girl? The girl's not here. [ __ ]. She's not here. [ __ ] [ __ ] We'll. kill her. We'll kill that [ __ ] [ __ ]. Okay. Okay. Calm down. We got to get. once you realize. All right. What are we going to do? What. are we going to do? Chubby Mcverson didn't get in her.

[ __ ] minivan and pick you up at the. forest, right? I'm going to rip the [ __ ]. whiskers out of her chin. And then and then you got to know how. how much do we push forward and how much. do we just stay and hide? It's like a. fine line, right? It's like a chess match. You got to make. every right move. You know what you do? The guy who killed. and dismembered the probably kills the. other guy and starts eating him, right? That's the move. Yeah. But like you can only keep them for a. few days. It's warm up there right now. We're talking It's June.

This is one of the worst times to try to. keep meat. No, you get two dinners and a brunch out. of them. That's about it. You're going to have to cut away the. rotten spots that get to the carry a ham. hawk with you and. dig into it. When you're. What's the first spot you eat? The well. on an animal you take the strip of meat. that protects the spine. It's called the. backstrap. On each side of the spine, there's a delicious slice of meat. The loins. The backstraps and the loins.

Loins is the ass. The loins is all the back. It's all the. inside like what lines the spine that. area. And then you go to the hams. That's the back. Back legs. And then the shoulders. Shoulders. What about the organs? Yeah. Eat the organs. Depends on the. animal. You might probably don't want to. eat a bear liver, but you could eat. their heart if you cooked it well. enough. Eat a pig's heart if you cook it. well enough. You have to cook it to 160. degrees, though, right? Different animals have different uh. diets and they have different diets. They have different parasites. Some.

animals like pigs, especially wild pigs, bears, things along those lines got to. worry about tchinosis. But if you eat eat a human, assuming you. go for like the buttocks first, you could. That's what they did in that. movie. Wasn't that movie where those uh. guys crashed in the Andes and they froze. and they had to eat each other's they. ate they ate ass with a spoon alive. Yeah. They dug dug out this guy's ass. frozen ass with a spoon was eating it. cuz they were desperado.

That's when [ __ ] gets ugly. That's when. [ __ ] gets ugly, my friend. Really? That's when you hope the guy's not in. shape either. It's much easier to eat. some flabby ass. Yeah. That's why I don't eat that uh. Excuse me. That's why I don't eat that. wig goo beef. I feel like I'm eating. like the Chris Christie of cows. Just. some sloppy [ __ ] that's barely alive. It's just like gelatinous shitty cow all. marbled up. Yeah. Some people love it though. I've heard. people talk about that kind of beef like.

it's the most delicious beef they've. ever had in their life. Well, that's what ve is. It's a lazy. cow, right? You just string him up and. he doesn't move. Worse, it's a baby. It's young. They take a young calf and. they uh sometimes they just leave them. in a pen, a very small pen where they. can't move. Sometimes they feed them. milk and sometimes they actually bind. them so that they uh can't move. Well, yeah. Is that that stuff? Wagu beef from. Japan. Wagyu, how do you say it? Wagu. Wagu.

Is that the stuff that's super. expensive? Oh, yeah. It's really expensive. They. feed them saki and beer. That what. you're looking at is a dying animal. Essentially, a a cow is in no way or. shape supposed to have that amount of. fat contact on it. It just is not it's. not supposed to be built like that. It's. supposed to be all red lean tissue. Now, compare that. Pull up grass-fed beef. Now, completely pure grass-fed beef is. how beef is supposed to look. And it's. not nearly as lean. Like, go to like a.

cut of meat. See if they have any. That's just a That's a ribeye, which is. a pret like Yeah. Go to like a New York. strip. Like what you get is Okay, that. like scroll down like right there. Right. there. Click on that tenderloin right. there. No, to the right. Yeah, there you. go. Look at that. That's what it's. supposed to look like, right? What what you're seeing there is a. darker red, very little fat content. cuz blood flowed through there. Well, the only reason why there's fat in those. animals is because they're eating these.

really extremely high craw high calorie. grains and grains that their body is not. naturally designed to process. Yeah, I think alalfa is a big thing they. feed them. Alfalfa is not bad because it's just a. plant, but the corn um apparently that. they're uh they're eating is what really. gets them nice and marbled. Yeah, it's the corn that gets them going. That. that thick grain. I think alfalfa is. like more of, you know, it's more of. like a veget more of like a regular. green plant, right? Yeah. It's not as starchy or as thick as uh.

No, it's a it's like a wheat grass. Who the [ __ ] eats alalfa though? You. know what I mean? Like alalfa sprouts. I like alalfa sprouts. Salad. Yeah. I wouldn't eat it straight on, but. throwing it on a salad gives it like. that uh that crispiness. Yeah. It's got that weird texture, right? Yeah. I love salad bars, man. It's it's. so you've just a good salad bar where. you just throw on some iceberg and some. of those mini tiny uh corn ears and some. mushrooms. Those are always pickled, right? Kind of. in some way. A little bit pickled.

Yeah. And then you throw on [ __ ] like. cranberry juice and and sunflower seeds. Radishes. Radishes. [ __ ] yeah, man. And you know how good. radishes are for you? I had a really good science teacher in. uh junior high. I went to a shitty. junior high school in Jamaica Plane, Massachusetts. It was not good at all. It was uh it was a real sketchy area. There was kids that were like 17 years. old that were in the seventh grade when. I was there. Like they were, you know, it was a lot of fuckups, a lot of. idiots.

And I was there for seventh and eighth. grade. And um but I had a really good. science teacher. This guy was just super dedicated to. being a science teacher. He was um just. he would ask you questions and he would. he would make you he was the first guy. that made me think about space. Uh but. he had radishes and he grew radishes in. his uh in his garden and he would bring. them in and he would have radishes at. lunch and he explained that when you're. eating a radish there's so few calories. in a radish that you can eat the entire.

radish. The amount of calories it takes. you to process, to chew, and process, and then digest that radish is the same. amount as in the radish. It's like it's a it's a wash. Like you. eat if you want to lose weight, just eat. radishes. Like your your your body and I. was like, whoa, that doesn't even make. sense. You could eat a radish and the amount it. takes to process it. It made me think. about that. But he um he also made me think about. space. He said, if you want to you want. to really make your head hurt, and this. is, you know, seventh grade, like how.

old are you when you're in seventh. grade? 8 n 13 something like that. Younger. Yeah. 12. 12. He said you you have to think about the. fact that. space goes on forever. There's no end to. it. Like just if that doesn't make your. head hurt, then you're not thinking. about it hard enough. And I remember him. saying that like that space goes on. forever. Nobody had ever said that to me. before. Like everybody was always they. would talk about space is big and space. the big bang happened x amount of.

billion years ago. And they they say it. in a way that it's it's very factual and. actual and it's all, you know, you me. recognized and memorized that number. 13.9 billion or whatever the [ __ ] it is. But when someone says it doesn't end, it. never ends. Like you just keep going and. going and going and going and going. forever. He's like for do you understand. what forever? It just keeps going. Like. there's not a time when it runs out of. space. It just keeps going. That's. always my argument against because I. believe in some type of god and that's.

always my argument to people that. absolutely negate any type of a higher. power is is infinity. You explain to me. even the [ __ ] glim hope of solving. infinity to me and I'll give up the. whole concept of God. Well, why does why do they have to be. mutually exclusive? Like why do you have. to uh be able to solve infinity? Like. what what is it about infinity that. means to you that there's a god? Well, because it's a concept and a and a. it it's a concept and a reality at the.

same time. It's like the idea that. there's a physical thing that can't be. quantified in any way means that there. has to be some kind of a force. that. I I wouldn't even call it a force that. there's a there's a paradigm that's. controlled. and consistent. and that that's what God is. There's. some there's some type of a template to. all of it. I've thought about this a lot. I'm sure.

you have too. One of the things that I. think about when I think about the. universe and like the idea of the big. bang and uh I I've read since some. interesting quantum arguments, some really weird theories about the. birth and death of the universe, but one. of the big ones to me is like why does. it have to have a birth and a death? Why. are we so it's why are we so convinced. that the universe had to have a. beginning? Like why could not it have always been. there? I mean, isn't that an option, too? When you're talking about something.

as absolutely ridiculous as infinity, why is it so ridiculous that it's been. here forever? Like, why does it have to. have a beginning and an end? And that [ __ ] with my own version of. reality in a lot of ways because my own. version of reality is birth and death is. what I'm experiencing. It's what I, you. know, like we have these biological. limitations. Yeah. And we impose those sometimes on other. things. The birth of a star, right? The birth of the solar system has. only been alive for oh what.

our lives are a narrative. It's like you. know how you'd say every script can be. broken down to a beginning, middle, and. an end. And the many of the plot. structures are similar like that whole. like. Joseph Campbell thing. Yeah. And uh and you know the whole that whole. idea of beginning and an end is so. rooted in our lifetime that we can't. Yeah. We can't see past it. Yeah. becomes something that we look for. in other things instead of considering. the possibility that there might not be. a beginning or it might not actually be.

a beginning. It might be one of an. infinite number of beginnings. Like. there's been a lot of people that have. theorized the possibility that the. expansion of the universe that it'll. reach some point and then ultimately. collapse back down to that infinite. point again and then start all over. again. There's there's some resistance. to that because they can kind of uh. through. some sort of radio telescope can pick up. the actual emissions that they believe. or the signature of the Big Bang. It's.

very very very very very complicated. stuff. You try to summarize it as a. standup comedian and a podcast with two. dudes that may or may not have smoked. weed, it gets real sketchy. But but even. if there was nothing until 14 billion. years ago, isn't that like the ultimate. [ __ ] magic trick? Like if forget. about a god. All right, even if there is. no god, if there is or there isn't, forget about the concept of it. How. about the idea that everything that you.

see in the sky came from something that. was smaller than the head of a pin and. it did so an impossibly long time ago in. an instant. So this is the theory from. the people that tell you that there's no. evidence that there's a god and that. Jesus sounds like a horseshit story. You. know that was. forget Jesus. camel traitors written on animal skins. Right. At one point in time, what everybody. agrees is that the universe was smaller. than the head of a pin.

Right. And then when it did explode and. created all this matter, yeah, it did it in a way that was all. consistent with the same laws of physics. and you know, gravity, which they still. can't they still can't figure out. gravity. You know, why how it can exist. in in I think it's quantum physics and. gravity still have not been uh uh. brought together. Well, they try they they try. Again, I'm. an idiot, so don't listen to me. But I. think dark matter is one of the uh the. main they think about all the matter.

they're aware of in the universe and. they think about the effects of gravity. and the computations don't work unless. they add in this idea of dark matter, right? The idea of dark matter being that the. universe consists of a bunch of. different things and a lot of it, the. great majority of which we can't even. see. because there's an inverse. For every. for every particle that's positive, there has to be one that's that's. neutral. And for every piece of light, there has to be dark. And for every, you. know, everything has an opposite in the. universe to balance it. And that's what. dark matter is. It's the It's the.

I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. either, but just the whole idea behind. infinity and black holes and galaxies. and every black hole or every galaxy has. a black hole at the center of it. And. there's. but there was just an article that's. what I'm trying to spew is that I just. read an article about this black matter. thing and how it is it is all that there. is a balance to everything in the. universe which is. makes sense. well and that goes to spirituality and.

you know Buddhism and you know there's. everything is opposites. the yin and the yang. the ying and the yang. yeah simmons in a lot of ways you know. that's what they say Greg you get out of. life what you put And. whoa, they were right. [ __ ]. There was a time to reap and there was a. time to sew. Dude, that's so true. And when you only. reap and you never sowed, what do you. get? Lottery winners. They go broke. quick. Right. Right. Kids who win their money from.

inheritances. That's right. People that are squabbbling over the. hundreds of millions of dollars that. Robin Williams left behind. They're reaping. They're reaping. They didn't sew. Maybe. some of the wives probably did a little. sewing. Probably had to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's a lot. of work. Yeah, there's, you know, the thing is. about inheriting hundreds of millions of. dollars is the [ __ ] backstabbing that. it takes, the lawyering up, the energy, the negative creativity. I mean, Jesus. Christ. You know what? Carve me out 5. mil. I'm gone. You guys have fun with. 100 million.

Yeah, I know. It's going to kill you. I know some brothers that are going to. war right now over their mom. Really? Mhm. Yeah. Pursuing each other. [ __ ]. Trying to get a piece of that pie, son. So glad my mom's broke. Let me get a taste. Let me wet my beak. It's just the idea that, you know, you're going to compete with your. brother or sister for what's left of. your mother. Mhm. Just whoa. Because it all comes down to what you. think is right. That's what the gay You. always put under the guise of what's. fair and what's just. It's like.

nothing's fair or just. You didn't earn. the [ __ ] money. Yeah. It's just when you start and think. about a loved one that way, you start to. think about them as a payday. Yeah. You know, and then their post-mortem is. once they're in the ground. Okay. Okay. Okay. How are we going to do this? Listen, we're talking about a. substantial amount of money here and. family's family. Business is business. You start getting really creepy. Especially when that parent gets old. The older they get, the more that [ __ ]. becomes real. H and how many how many.

brothers or sisters. spend extra time with the dying mom. trying to get a little in. the mom is at one point in time you know. I've been thinking about this will it's. just not right that Johnny gets what you. get. he doesn't even help me Johnny's a piece. of [ __ ] ma I know he was always your. favorite and I don't resent you for that. because he was on the football team and. I was doing drugs okay but Johnny was. always a piece of [ __ ]. and who's here now mom. I'm here with your mom. rubbing your feet. Rubbing your stinky.

feet. with your [ __ ] dried out toenails. all curled up in the straws. I would like to end on something better. We only have two minutes to end on a. positive image. Positive images. He takes that money from his mom and he. goes and does he come becomes centered. And. you know what I heard they're doing? They're doing um ketamine for people. with depression. What's ketamine? Ketamine is a cat tranquilizer. an. extremely psychedelic hallucinogenic cat.

tranquilizer that they're treating. people with depression for. Yeah, I I. I'll talk to you about it after this. podcast is over cuz one of our friends. is doing it. I'll try it. Yeah, I that's one why I brought it up. I had to remember. Apparently, it's. having an amazing effect on our friend. Wow. It's a psychedelic. Is it like see I. need the kind of thing where you know. Ari Shafir's got me convinced that if I. take mushrooms in a certain in a certain. way that it can change like not ongoing.

I don't have to keep taking it you can. just take it and it can change your. perspective. It definitely will. for a period of time. if you take enough and you go into it. with the right attitude. with the right people too, right? Really, you want to be by yourself. I. mean, yeah, people will help a little if. they're the right people, but you you're. counting on a lot of people to keep it. together, right? I think that a lot of those things. sometimes the journey the the best path. is just get by yourself. Like to do it, get by yourself like McKenna used to. say, silent darkness is the best place. to take them. Alone in silent darkness.

darkness. It's I think it's one of the. reasons why like the sensory deprivation. tank so much is because you're forced to. um not bounce off of each other but just. forced to find what it is about yourself. that you're trying to work on. What it. is about yourself. We're out of time. That's it. That's the music. That's it. We worked. Greg Fitz Simmons. Greg Fitz. What's the. Fitz Dog Radio? Fitz Dog Radio at fitzdog.com. Follow me. at Greg Fitzshow. All right, you folks. We'll be back. soon. Much love. Bye-bye.

Jamie had to hit the music. [Music].