Joe Rogan Experience #392 - David Choe

hey [ __ ] what are you. doing I am uh right now in the middle of. tweeting this out is here H it's just. David show right you don't have anything. special no people with uh crafty Twitter. names are a real problem or they. underscore they just have to kill that. underscore [ __ ] like what's your. username undor name well being named. David show is and being Korean is like. name being named John Smith yeah like I.

went to school with three David Show's. you know yeah I knew a few David ch's. cuz I grew up doing Taekwondo and there. was a lot of David shows a lot of Korean. kids and I'm L and I'm late to the. social media game so when I wanted. Twitter at David show it was already I. was [ __ ] you know so what is your. Twitter well I mean they gave it to me. they gave it to you oh so they ganked it. from somebody some not so famous David. show someone like whenever there's a new. social media thing someone just grabs it. and then I get the email hey you want. this you want to buy it off me and I'm.

like no I'll just be David show one. David show 69 I got super lucky with. Twitter I got lucky there was like one. dude who had got the Joe Rogan one but. he wasn't used Joe Rogan is sort of a. basic name too right yeah there's a guy. named Joe Rogan that's a real estate. agent right he's in uh I think in Idaho. but he owns Joe rogan.com right and he. wanted to sell it but was a bit pricey. very nice guy he's got a legitimate. claim to it what did he want for it uh a. lot of money like a million dollars no.

not that much money but enough that it. was a lot I forget I don't I don't you. know I don't have a a beef with the guy. cuz it's his website it's his name like. the idea that it's mine more than it is. his is ridiculous right he owns it he's. he's Joe Rogan as well you know that's. his name but uh you know it's I'm sure. it's. confusing it was cool I was CH da for. him too un for a while and someone at. Twitter sent me an email and said hey do. you want D I was like yeah and [ __ ] I'll. take it.

I'm blacklisted on Twitter it used to be. so easy to get red ban on everything now. I can't get it on anything and they they. still won't verify me and yet there's. like a million fake red bands like. there's even fake Red Band selling fake. Red Band sh Wait I don't understand what. you said it used to be it used to be. really easy to get red band on. everything like myace Facebook whatever. but now it's like everyone takes my my. name my fake name yeah you got to expect. that though but and then Twitter there's. like a million fake red bands there's. even fake red bands selling fake red. band shirts and Twitter won't verify me.

so it's just a Heyday with my red band. name they don't like you yeah but it's. easy which one is which one says Red. Band which one has 100,000 [ __ ]. friends that's the real still idiots. like this twittered you're always going. to have that you you have to just accept. that I wonder why why am I blacklisted. on Twitter and on uh whatever that other. [ __ ] Wikipedia you're not blacklisted. they just don't accept you it means. you're doing something right dude. whatever it is if you were on any other. show if you were on a television show.

and uh and you were like one of the. guest stars on the television show that. would be listed in Wikipedia most likely. I would imagine I one funniest. instagrammer by La weekly that's not bad. man I if you were on like one legit TV. show like if you did like an episode of. standup on The Tonight Show if you did. one thing then they'd probably put you. on Wiki you could do that too you know. all right so I'm going to go do Leno. this that would be really interesting. see you do Leno oh what material you.

could do on Leno and what that. experience would last episode of Leno. that would be awesome cuz he would be. like I don't care and you just tank. it just freak those [ __ ] people out. talk about [ __ ] dolphins on the Leno. show yeah don't do that man uh anyway. this uh episode of the podcast is. brought to you neither by the Jay Leno. show nor by any of the other David shows. or any of the other Joe Rogan much love. to all of you people uh we're brought to. you by uh stamps.com this episode is.

stamps.com is uh an excellent resource. for if you have your own business. managing it out of your home as far as. like sending things out if you if you're. trying to sell things and sell them over. the internet and send them yourself most. of the time what you have to do is you. have to go to the Post Office you have. to wait in line and it's it's really. annoying and they figured out a way to. make that much easier you can do it from. your home you do it from your computer. they give you a digital scale they tell. you how to do it you print it up on your. own printer you print up your Postage. and then the postman comes and takes it.

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plus a $110 bonus offer including a. digital scale and up to $55 for free. postage and uh we we have personal. experience with this company because. this is exactly how Brian sends out his. t-shirts a T-shirts from Des squad. TV. which are all uh Brian's original art he. sends those out through stamps.com. doeses it all through his office so it's. super easy if a knucklehead like Brian. can do it you can too right Brian yes.

all right Code War JRE for this special. offer we're also brought to you by on. it.com that's nnit T and I [ __ ] I. sound like a robot repeating myself over. and over again for this um but there's. no way around it we have some new Primal. bells in the Primal bells are the kettle. bells that were uh designed by an. artist um to look like gorillas and. chimpanzees and now. orangutans and uh they're [ __ ] badass. and they're fun to work out with because.

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amazing was good that won't happen. through t+ ladies and gentlemen D David. Cho's taking a walk in The Wildside he. was hanging out that place that that. cheich was running in the and you. remember from what was that movie uh. with George Clooney the Vampire movie oh. DUS Till Dawn Dust Till Dawn remember. that a great movie [ __ ] great movie. Harvey kitel had a Korean son in that. movie I was like what the [ __ ] and it. was almost like two different movies. yeah it was like there was this really.

intense dramatic movie with this super. violent guy and his brother right it was. trying to keep everything under control. it was two separate movies and then all. a sudden it's this wild crazy monster. movie that's really fun yeah Quinn. Tarantino is the baddest [ __ ] of. all time when it comes to movies like. that was a Robert Rodriguez movie right. yeah but it was you know it was amazing. yeah quinon Tarantino in that that. that's one of my favorite roles of any. actor Ever playing ever he knows how to.

play that creepy murderer dude so. [ __ ] good it's like bone chilling. when you watch that like you really. believe right anybody says that Quinton. can Tarantino can't act you need to. watch him in that movie if you give him. the right role that [ __ ] can act. his ass off that was a great movie Dust. Till Dawn man he [ __ ] creeped me out. cuz I got no dudes like him you did yeah. there's dudes like that that are they. cross your path in life you say I'm. going to go out and get a snack and you. come back and they just murdered.

everybody in the room there's a dude. that I used to train when I was a kid I. was really young I was like 18 or 19 and. he was a a Hitman he was a hitman for. you know local gangsters Irish gangsters. yeah he wound up doing time he wound up. getting caught for it and he used to. come to my Taekwondo school and he would. just like straight ask you how you would. kill somebody if you're going to kill. somebody like he mean he wanted he had. like a crude martial arts background. like he was very big powerful guy but.

this guy I knew something was up he. would ask you how you would kill someone. or you would ask him he he was learning. how to fight he wanted to learn oh he. wanted to know how to kill someone he. wanted to know like he he would just. flat out ask you he would take the black. belts and like what what would you do if. you're going to kill somebody how would. you kill somebody and like and I was. like wow this guy's pretty intense right. and then we find out you know years. later he was a [ __ ] Hitman wow you. know so you taught him how to kill not. really I mean he already knew how to. kill people trust me or at least knew. how to [ __ ] you up up right he was just.

uh he wanted to tighten up his martial. arts technique but it was just. interesting running into a guy like that. that you know is just not playing by the. rules we're all playing by we're playing. by the be nice rules most of us on this. planet are playing by the be nice rules. I want a friends I don't want anybody to. hate me you want friends you're a nice. person when we run into people we're. just trying to be nice to each other for. the most part for the most part but. every now and then you run to a dude. that's not playing that game you could. run to a crazy person for for instance I.

went on a hike today we're it's 3:00. right now I was like let's let's go on a. hike and uh I go hiking with Critter the. guy out there I don't know how we got. onto this subject matter but while we're. walking down the thing we got into an. argument and he's like [ __ ] you I could. rape you if I wanted to right now oh. Jesus Christ Christ I was like who said. that to you Critter the guy sitting out. there oh that's. uncomfortable and you know and I go what. did you just say he's like I could rape. you right now cuz we're hiking he's like. I throw you in the bushes right now I'll.

rip your legs open I'll [ __ ] and wow and. Critter he can beat the [ __ ] out of. anybody I get that and I and. overpowering me yes he could overpower. me but like that's a weird thing for a. friend to say it's a weird thing to say. to a friend and also we so then we got. into it you know of course and I'm like. okay if I went to prison or even if. Critter is trying to rape me in the. mountains right. now okay physically you get me down I'm. fighting you you hold my leg down you. punched me in my face you ripped my.

pants down now you've overpowered me I'm. still fighting you whatever but I was. like it takes a special kind of guy. there's a guy that will kill you there's. a guy that will beat the [ __ ] out of you. but like like Joe's Joe's a you're a. fighter and you could probably beat the. [ __ ] out of me but you're like I want to. re rape Dave Cho you're like I want. could you like even get your dick hard. to do that I don't think I could [ __ ]. yeah you think you could kid Brian Brian. could just being excited about.

the a guy alive that he could rape. because awesome because you see it in. prison movies you're like we need to. show you know it's the most embarrassing. humiliating thing you could do to a man. hey we're supposed to start some music. but it's not just just keep talking just. keep talking this podcast has begun okay. on.com go [ __ ] yourself whatever and I'm. like. uh what. like that takes this kind of guy that. you're talking about the Hitman kind of. guy cuz I it takes a little bit more.

than that it takes most likely someone. who's probably been molested themselves. what are you going to like okay so. you're trying to ultimately beat me. physically and then humiliate me but. then you still have to get your dick. hard to get it into my butthole you know. yeah it's a odd odd thing to be proud of. I think if you're a man and you're doing. that there's a lot of those guys that. have probably been molested right and. probably been I mean they said that. that's one of the big factors for child. molesting is people who are molested. themselves right as a child and I'm not.

saying that that's child molesting but. [ __ ] rape like that but it's kind of. akin to right it's it's the number one. uh fear if you're going to go to prison. yeah yeah yeah Sons of Anarchy just. started the the new season right right. the amazing like it starts with uh Otto. getting butt [ __ ] you know and how. rude and he's he's the the creator of. the show I think so that means he would. okayed himself getting butt [ __ ] and.

okay it guy probably wrote it in smile. on his face so he's getting butt [ __ ]. and I'm. like I'm like and then the guy implies. this is going to go down on the regular. every day now so if you know every. morning you're going to get butt [ __ ]. at what point do you just give up like. even fighting it you're just like do you. [ __ ] yourself every morning so that the. guy has to stick his dick like through. like I bet he's not that shy I bet. shit's not going to scare him off if I. had to take a while guess right was. trying to [ __ ] you in the butt every day.

that guy's not like Discerning learn. learn to like it you know day two day. three do you just you could that could. be the non-passive budha approach to. learn to like and learn to be a good. wife you know maybe you actually grow to. love each other try to make yourself I. mean it's a it's a terrible idea to be. locked up in jail with the guy who's. [ __ ] you all the time for sure you. would probably your mind would try to. rationalize and find some way to escape. it but think about the performance. anxiety of just like just being with a. girl regularly right you're like with.

her and then you can't get it up and. you're like oh my God how embarrassing. think about the performance anxiety of a. male rapist who's like I'm gonna rape. this guy you beat him up you get him. down you rip his pants down and then. you're like sorry give me a. second you're like I got to get this. well it's a perfect example that um of. rape being not sex rape is violence. right you know a guy [ __ ] and raping. a guy especially if he's not gay it's a. control and violence thing. you should get you should get a known.

male rapist prison guy on the show and. ask him what he thinks about to get. hard do I don't think they could do it. they' have to got you got two people now. taking their minds to separate places. you got the guy getting raped trying to. think of anything but getting raped and. you got the rapist trying to think of. like something to get him hard to rape. the guy yeah it's an uncomfortable idea. but it's also an idea that we kind of. understand that's one of the more. uncomfortable aspects of it right we. kind of understand that there are guys.

out there that would rape somebody right. they would do it and you trained him to. kill I don't think that guy was a he. could have been a rapist but he. definitely at least tried right to to. kill people or was it very I should say. at the very least ready right I met a. couple guys like that I met a couple. guys along the way that were like really. crazy one of the guys that I used to do. uh martial arts with he went to jail and. uh came back a completely different.

person right it was weird man right he. came out like a wild animal I mean he. went in he was a real tough kid and he. went in when he was like I guess he was. probably like 18 or something like that. we were around the same age right and. when he came out he came out years later. and he didn't want to tell everybody he. was in jail so he had this crazy story. about you know being away and helping. somebody out or something like that and. then eventually just confessed right but. then getting to know him him like he he.

was a totally different person it's like. all of a sudden I had to realize like oh. that the last guy he does not he's not. here anymore this is some new dude now I. got to talk to this new dude and figure. out uh what the parameters of our. friendship are because he seems [ __ ]. crazy he's been fighting for his life in. a cage right for the last four years I. mean the dude went away and you know he. told me about like fights where he tried. to beat a guy to death with a mop handle. some guys were coming at him with he. came out he came out of an animal yeah. he came out an animal it was for real. wild animal fight to the death type [ __ ].

on a regular basis wow yeah he was in. jail for drugs right and so he was in. like a serious jail he was in jail I. think either heroin or cocaine I don't. know what it was but he was [ __ ] nuts. when he came out I hate to say how much. time I've actually thought about getting. [ __ ] in my ass but because because. I've been to jail a few times you know. I've never done hard time but I've been. to jail a few times for a few months and. uh you know it's like you have to think.

about it going in I guess especially. being an Asian right you go in as a. black guy there's the blacks you go in a. Mexican there's the Mexican gangs you go. in the whites you join the Aran whatever. um I have a friend that's Japanese a. little Japanese guy that went to jail. and then there's not enough Asians in. jail where they just all have to you. know you have to be friends with the. Chinese the Japanese the Thai the. Filipinos it's not like oh CU they're. just so few and come on let's face it. Everyone likes Asian chicks and.

so especially this pervert over here so. if everyone likes Asian chicks then male. male rapists want Asian dudes dude if. you're in jail and you're [ __ ] white. dudes and hairy afro buttholes and. Mexicans and then like a hairless. Asian that you know you're like oh you. know guess I kind of see your point you. know depends on what you're into we're. Asians are small we're like we're. smaller than so if you're a rapist and. look I'm just this is the things I think.

about and I get to jail I'm an easy. target you know I'm not a [ __ ] giant. guy like he's like oh and he doesn't. have that much hair like I was in it's a. weird thing to think about how often do. you think about this well I think about. it when I get go to court and they go. you're going to jail you know how many. times have you been in jail uh I've been. maybe five times most of them like just. a week or a day and then the Japan thing. where I was for three months but never. more than a few months you know and I. never got raped it's like almost it's.

almost a weird thing like I almost. wanted it to happen so I could finally. yeah you didn't try hard CU you sit and. cuz you remember the Ed Edward Norton. movie 25th hour where he has his best. friend to beat the [ __ ] out of him yes. so he would look ugly going in so he. look look like a badass so I never went. that far but it was like oh my God I. forgot about that scene you know what a. crazy strategy yeah but it's like it's. okay I get to prison the first day a. white gang Mexican gang whatever is like. let's let's let's [ __ ] show the new.

guy like how it's done here I'm. like at that point I'm like I'm going to. be overpowered whatever this and that I. was I in my mind I I made it up very. early on I was like I'm not going to get. [ __ ] in my ass it's not going to. happen if I go to jail and like five. guys hold me down and [ __ ] my ass or. whatever then I'm I'm I'm going to die. the next day I don't want to be the guy. that gets I'm going to [ __ ] kill the. guy that did that to me and if If I Die. Trying then I'll just be dead but I'm.

not going to like you know if they make. me suck their dick I'll bite their dicks. off you know I'm not I'm not strong. statement you know like I'm not going to. [ __ ] be the guy that just gets butt. [ __ ] you know I know what you're. saying what if you like it though man. that is the problem like yeah I think. you're going to like. it fine well you know you have that. Bingo button in your prostate or. whatever yeah so allegedly allegedly I. never push that [ __ ] I don't want that. jackpot. but on a regular like you know you've.

trained martial arts this and that and I. I've heard like the Bruce Lee Story. stuff where he's a badass so everyone. always tries to fight him like on a. regular week how how many times does. someone try to fight you or never people. never try to fight me I'm very nice I. know you're nice somebody comes up to me. I know you're a nice guy but does people. ever go hey you think you know how to. fight no no you know I I'm not like uh. I'm not very impressed with myself you. know I'm not like type of person who. brags about what I can and can't do so.

it's not like I have to respond to. things that I've said like I could kick. this guy's ass I'll [ __ ] that guy up. right I would never even I don't even. think like that I do it for me I do it. to to calm my crazy monkey body right I. do it to keep my mind straight I do it. to give myself something to something. that's very difficult to do right. because I think that as a a person often. times we have a lot of intensely built. up stress because of the the nature of. average everyday life in comparison. Jer off every day yeah ancient man had a.

completely different existence right but. we essentially have the same body and so. that body has like energy requirements. and I find that if I don't test myself. in some extreme way on a regular basis. physically that I can't stay calm well I. try to push like I've been painting my. whole life right so I guess when any. anyone does anything their whole life to. other people it makes it look easy right. so I'll paint and you know I'll just. pick up a and and I paint quickly so I. don't really spend too much time on.

anyone painting you know and that's cuz. I've practiced and practice you know. what's your style too I mean you have a. very particular style you know people. will see me paint and go oh I think I. could do that thank you very much for. the werewolf that you made me that was. cool as [ __ ] dude I wish the framing was. done I'd have it hanging up while you're. in here but that was very cool well that. was cool to find out how much you liked. comics and and and horror [ __ ] growing. up and that you know that stuff for me. is Fond to pay a it's the most it was to. me it was so fun like the the old creepy. and eerie and all those and and dude you. bought me a whole book series too you're.

the nicest guy ever man well I you. bought me a whole book series of those. comic book uh horror things look I bad. you've been doing this show for four. years right almost yeah yeah I'm I'm a. baby and but you've been like on Fear. Factor you're you're in you've been in. broadcasting for a while like. broadcasting broadcasting well you've. been in front of a camera t as an. Entertainer yeah exactly I'm new to this. [ __ ] you know it's and and that's. another thing for me to challenge you. know like I I my podcast is barely a.

year old uh that when I did the show for. vice the thumbs up I was just fering and. fumbling through like making [ __ ] up and. no no the the vice things were cool dude. the vice things got people to know you I. first heard about you I'm sorry God it's. just a lot of stuttering though and. there's no so what it's a real person. there's no script I'm just like uh and. so to have like you Kevin Smith Anthony. Bourdain Howard Stern like all these. guys like let me be on their shows and. interview them like. a I get ridiculously sick before the.

show like I just get filled up with so. much like nervous energy for this show. like well I'm more calm now but like the. first time I was on your show I puked. like outside of chilies or something. right here or did you really but I would. have never expect I would have never. believed that you seem so calm and. relaxed well also I had a little food. poisoning then too but just in general. anytime like I I I have a lot of anxiety. with being being like in front of.

cameras cameras or like anything like. this I I like it because it makes me. nervous in the same way like I would. like someone to at least attempt to try. to butt [ __ ] me in prison it's. like it gives it's an insane amount of. nervous energy where I get shaky and. then I just puke it out and then I'm. good you know W like well it's one of. those things that I think once you start. once you start it right and then you. just get comfortable and and and so I'm. appreciative to you and everyone who's. like let me be on their show and talk so. it's like I think it's uh a little bit.

of a a lost art of writing a nice note. or like you know it's like that's right. hey hey bro had a good time send a text. message it's like okay cool but like you. know someone does something nice for you. like do something nice well I re really. recognize the gesture and I really. appreciate it it was very very cool of. you and very generous but I don't and. now I don't want people who' have been. on the show now just start sending me. [ __ ] like oh David. well that's the other thing it's like I.

don't want to send people [ __ ] that like. I hate like I have a hard time throwing. stuff away and people are like hey. you're an artist I'm an artist and they. send me a giant like shitty painting and. I'm like this is so sweet that you did. this but I sort of feel like [ __ ] now. because I inspired you to paint this. horrible painting and I you know I have. a lot of space to put it so I'm like I. have a real tough time throwing stuff. away but like I know you like werewolf. [ __ ] and you told me you like the EC.

horror stuff so I'm like Joe will like. this oh it's very cool very cool thank. you very much and I went to Kevin. Smith's house he has a shitload of. Batman toys so I'm like this guy for. sure likes Batman toys but he doesn't. have the best ones that I know about so. it's like you know I like I like getting. people stuff that they want you know not. like just [ __ ] you know no no that's. very very cool very cool of you man yeah. you're you're a very uh thoughtful guy I. I would have never thought that you were. nervous the first time you did it. because you were so. calm and normal and relaxed and honest.

well it goes from this it goes from. retardedly nervous like like like I. can't like I get filled with and one of. the main things that people say about me. is like I interrupt people or I say like. too much but it's because I have so much. I it's all in me and like I don't I. don't know how this [ __ ] go well I've. seen you do it right and I've seen. Howard Stern do it and I seen and to me. I see Joe pull up to the show sit down. have a coffee and start talking and. that's how I do everything that's how I.

do art people go what do you think about. when you paint what do I go I don't. think about [ __ ] I like I know you have. your um deprivation chamber stuff to. relax and stuff but for me like for. podcasting for playing music for making. art I sit there I try to like do the. yoga not yoga the Zen uh uh meditation. [ __ ] of just thinking about nothing like. just BL go blank like from the. Ghostbusters think of nothing and I just. try to think of nothing and then I just. try to explode you know but then I.

walked in on. um the Nerdist they they broadcast from. meltdown and they had all these writers. writing [ __ ] and I I think they do that. for the Stern Show too and I'm like this. is crazy they like preparing they you. know yeah and so for me I don't do any. of that [ __ ] I just show up I turn the. mics on and I start talking for like 10. hours straight cuz I usually do four. podcasts back to back but it fills me. with such nervous energy and it takes me. a second where that nervous I puke it.

out first then I calm down and then in. the same way where people are like oh. when they see me paint they're like oh I. could do that because then because I. make it look easy whatever I do the show. with Joe and then I'm like I think I. could kick the [ __ ] out of Joe it's not. that bad I think I could fight him I. think I could take him you relaxed yeah. you relaxed a little bit um I think too. that the it's such a unique medium the. podcast medium and it's really it it's a. medium that like works best when you do. it this way my opinion I think there's. two types of podcasts there's like the.

Dan Carlin type podcast which we were. talking about last night with Wayne. fedman who's a buddy of mine who's a a. hilarious comedian who became a fan of. that Hardcore History Podcast right but. it's not really a podcast the same way. this is it's more like an audio book. like a lecture a brilliant entertaining. lecture on History whereas the but. that's like a preparatory thing or. Preparation thing but what we do is you. you know essentially it's done best when.

it's like who is David Cho today like we. we vary who is David Cho today September. 12th 2013 where you at right now what's. going on right now where where you at in. your your laundry list of experiences in. this life and that's it's very unique in. that way and a guy like you you know the. only way we were talking about this. before we even started right but about. people wanting to do something with you. oh we get you David CH we get you we. know you're wild we know you're crazy we. love that we want you to do that on our.

thing and then once you get involved. with it you realize like oh no this is. they don't get me no no no I can't. you're telling me to do this and I want. to do that and you tell me I can't swear. and I can't say that I shouldn't say. this and that'll that'll stop them from. advertising you know HIC hops [ __ ] La. this to me is the most perfect media to. express myself when I'm not painting or. doing anything cuz it's sh first of all. the shit's free I don't have any ads and. you don't have to listen to if you don't. want and I know what I am and I know.

what I'm not you know like I'm I don't. know [ __ ] about history I don't remember. dates I'm not that smart where I'm going. to actually like inform you about. anything like I I just know that I have. a feeling when I isolate myself when I'm. when I'm I'm a bit of a recluse and I. don't go out that the evil thoughts. start coming in and I start feeling like. a weird person and I'm like does anyone. else feel like this or is it just me and. a lot of times it is just me but like. you know I get I get all anxiety anxiety.

and so then I go see a therapist and I'm. like I don't even know if this is for me. so for me the podcast is me and my. friends bullshitting I talk about [ __ ] I. know [ __ ] art hanging out this and. that and then I could just verbal. diarrhea all my problems out and you. could listen or you could not listen but. by me doing that I'm exercising my. demons and you could relate or not. relate go this guy's a weirdo or or not. and I can only I could only talk about. what I what I know and I. I'll give you an example uh I just for.

the first time in four years had my. first art show I haven't painted uh I. did a few murals murals and [ __ ] in that. time but not like an actual art show in. a gallery or Museum and you know I I'm. at a point in my life where money is I. don't need to play the money game which. is a very rare thing to for to say like. I don't have to make money doing. anything I don't have to make money off. my podcast I don't have to have art show. and sell it out like so if I'm not.

playing the same game of most Humanity. most people will never get a chance to. say that right like I don't have to. worry about money my kids don't have to. worry about money their children don't. have to worry about money so I'm. starting to do some more charitable. stuff to help people and as far as art. goes I didn't become an artist so that. only rich people can afford my art so. I'm trying to do [ __ ] that's free at. museums more murals whatever so I did a. I did my art show in Mexico Meo but. immediately after the art show um and.

actually it's still up if anyone's in. Mexico City and wants to see it it's at. the mum Del chopo at and it's called. snowman monkey barbecue and uh it's like. it's old gam gambling term that uh um is. that online can we see that image online. yeah you could see [ __ ] online what is. it snowman what snowman monkey barbecue. MX um and. so um. I I'm I'm like that was crazy CU I had.

two and a half weeks to put that show. together you know and I did murals and. watercolors and sculptures and all that. [ __ ] so wow what is what's going on back. there oh yeah I just made [ __ ] out of uh. uh Pata material oh my God that [ __ ]. thing is huge bad ass how big is that. man uh I don't know it's like three. stories high holy. [ __ ] that's insane that's a real work of. but so it's like uh it's all it I.

haven't painted in four years I'm fuming. around I'm doing [ __ ] and then. someone's like here's a space at a. museum you got two and a half weeks go. just puking it all out you know Brian go. back to that one large uh image of it if. you. would see fill that up with the screen. look what that that's [ __ ] crazy look. like a giant eagle looking thing yeah I. mean it's it's everything I saw in. Mexico everything that I felt and I just. you know and I'm confident at this point.

in my life to paint you know when I was. younger I would see something in my head. and the hand eye coordination of like it. wouldn't look exactly how I saw it now I. can make exactly what I see in my head. come out so dude your head is filled. with chaos you make me nervous just PE. across the table from you yeah there's a. there's that's dope so I just puked that. [ __ ] out you know and then um Brian I. don't think you can show that oh I think. we can get in. trouble so those were not real ladies.

and gentlemen they were definitely not. real um so then I was at a dinner um a. year earlier with Anthony Bourdain and. David Chang and there's a food Symposium. in Copenhagen every year called mad. Symposium and it's like a food. conference you know and it's just all. Michelin star chefs like the that's cool. the the the guys that do with food that. kind of [ __ ] you know dude that's so. cool looking that that the young child.

girl boy in the lower right hand corner. with the eagle thing over its head what. kind of bird is that if you saw that in. detail it's just goes deeper and deeper. like like the girl's being eaten by like. a parrot but then her beak turns into. another thing and there's a blue dogane. I try to fractal almost well I try to do. this. like well I could talk to you about it. because you understand the iwasa the. iwasa opens something inside me where. I'm tripping all the time now W I'm. tripping all the time go to a doctor I.

mean they broke your trip button no it's. crazy man like I don't F in what way. you're tripping all the time like it's. happening you know like you do mushrooms. or you do iasa and then you start seeing. [ __ ] it's just happening all the time. now so you see it all the time it's all. the [ __ ] time like you'll just be. sitting down one day I'm seeing it right. now I don't even like there's like a. train track right here and then there's. like weird colors coming down this way. um really I don't want to sound like a. weirdo but it's oh too.

late look you're an awesome weirdo I. don't try to fight it the the images are. just exploding non I mean I could. differentiate between reality and. whatever but. it's if I just close my eyes like that. time before you fall asleep and then. just lay there I could just watch like. this Symphony of I don't know what it. means I don't try to make sense of it. but it's happening so it happens on a. super regular basis all the time and it. only happened once you had your initial. iasa experience I did yeah in in one.

year I did uh mushrooms a few times and. I did iasa three times back to back and. since then it opened something inside me. and you know it's the same visions that. I would see like if I had a dream or. whatever but now it's just all the time. it's never there's no like oh now I'm. going to trip and the iasa what the iasa. on the third night oh my God the iasa on. the third night you know the call it the. spirit it talks to me and it said to me. don't ever do this again you got you got.

your homework now you know what you need. to do wow and I wrote everything down. it's said you need to do this this and. this and it gave me instructions of all. the [ __ ] I need to do for the rest of my. life like I couldn't do an eight. lifetimes you know 20 lifetimes and it. says you could abuse anything right I. could start doing iosa recreational it's. and it's it's a powerful tool and I. don't want to abuse that you know so I'm. like why would I need to do something I. mean it it's I could I think I could.

still function as a human but it's all. the time it's it's open now wow and it's. uh it's cool I like it you like it yeah. I love it it's not like maddening or. whatever it's like um I wish this is one. of those days where like you know if uh. you and I were not in the same room. right and I'd say well show me what it. looks like right uh you know if you're. describing a physical object you could. take a photo of it and send it to me. right right one day I hope that. technology exists so I can actually see.

what you're seeing yeah like could you. imagine if we found out that like your. version of like various things that. you're looking at is different than my. version because you do it and you're. like it's crazy Dave and I go but. explain crazy and I'm like is your crazy. the same thing that I'm see you know. well it's like how much of what you. impart as Beauty to something is based. on your own personal or cultural context. and if you could absorb another person's.

views like if you could see some maybe. an actual visualization of something is. not just the image itself it's the. emotions attached to the image. automatically by the mind and I think we. all have different ones of those which. is why some dudes like girls that are. like really kind of overweight you know. and some girls like really skinny guys. or some you know it's like you there. something triggers in you well the one. thing when people do like analysis and. [ __ ] like what does it mean this and. that one thing that I try to that I do a.

lot is I overanalyze stuff like why did. I just draw this guy's own dick going. into his own butt or why did I draw like. a a over and over again yeah why did I. draw yeah why did I draw why did you. draw that 100 times well that that movie. super bad when the the guy keeps drawing. the dicks I was like why didn't I get. that job nobody draws dicks uh veins on. a dick better than me dude that was that. hit on the that hit so close the home. but it's everywhere if you go to any.

country and you take a [ __ ] in any. public bathroom someone always draws a. dick [ __ ] what is that desire to draw a. dick A P symbol a [ __ ] you uh you know. it's always the it's always goes back to. the dick well who are these bathroom. philosophers I do what is their Quest. people who write like [ __ ] down on a. wall it's a it's a weird thing it's like. you're you're uh we're all admitting. that we're experiencing the same. uncomfortable moment so here's something. to think think about distract you right. well so when you have dreams and you.

have visions and you're like what did. that mean did something happen in my. life that day um I did a lot of over. analyzing like that like why am I seeing. this right now why is this dog's head. exploding and then a mushrooms coming. out and then flowers are coming out of. the mushrooms and this and and it's. turning into my mother's face slapping. like what instead of thinking about that. I just watch it now instead of trying to. be like why is that happening it's just. like cool this is happening and in the. same way that. mural everyone's like it just kept.

changing every day and it's like what is. it is it an animal or is it this and. what was happening in my life during. that time first of all there's an. unbelievable amount of pressure as an. artist after not having a show in four. years to you know every time I do a show. I want it to be the best show I've ever. done and this was like such a small. amount of time to put that much art. together that I was you know everyone's. like you [ __ ] [ __ ] in Mexico I'm. like I'm working I'm not didn't go to. Mexico to [ __ ] you know but you have a.

very strange way of saying [ __ ] how did. how do I say it it's very bold oh really. it's like it's got like bravado to it. like you're wearing a cape I didn't go. to Mexico to [ __ ] no it's like you're. you have a confident way of saying [ __ ]. what do I what do I like to do. [ __ ] you just like it's like you're. you're almost defiant in your tone so I. got to tell you what happened I I uh you. know cuz. every I'm going to going to go off. subject just for a second cuz no way. every time not on this show every time I.

think wow I've experienced a new sexual. thing that I've never like this is. insane like how many are left when a. girl shoots a ice cube up my butthole. or or you know like or like when I'm. laying down and then like five women are. just giving me a massage just using. their tongues I'm like oh five it's not. going to get better than this you know. like this is like you're living like a. baller damn I didn't know it went over. two-handed I thought it just stopped. there you got 5-h handed and then so I.

meet a guy yesterday and he's like oh. yeah we did some R red rope [ __ ] and. this and that I'm like red rope sh I'm. like I don't I don't know what that is. he's like you don't know what a red rope. surface is and I go no but please tell. me like what the [ __ ] are you talking. about right now my name is Marty and I'm. the inventor of the red rope service so. I'm like sitting there okay so you're. laying on your it's a massage parlor you. go it's not it's a service it's not a. name of a place it's like a CO word you. go can I get can I get the red rope okay.

so you're getting a massage and I think. it's only in Asia and you're laying on. your back and then you go you know you. get you get to the happy ending point. where she gets her di hard and. everything and you're like I would like. the red rope at this point she ties a. rope and here's the crazy part it. doesn't have to be red it's just a rope. and they tie it to the whatever the the. bars above the massage table and they. hook their feet on it so they're upside. down and so they start spinning around. and then they put their mouth on your. hard dick and then they let go and they.

helicopter their mouth around your dick. all the way [ __ ] and I've never done it. before but the guy says it feels like. your dick's going to like you've never. felt anything like that before in your. life and it feels like your dick is just. going to explode with uh you know like a. neutron bomb and explosion and then you. and then it's done and it stops and then. it spins the other way around dude. listen Leave It To The Crafty Asians. always figuring out something like that. it's unbelievable cuz they they really.

like take sex to another level like they. try to figure out the most pleasurable. things to do to you and then they do. them you know well they wrote books. about it I mean you know the the what is. that that book the um what's the [ __ ]. the famous uh tantric book yeah what the. [ __ ] is that book um f man uh what is. that Tantra love book what well here's. the thing about the red rope or of that. [ __ ] B what the [ __ ] I know what you're.

I know what you're talking about cuz. what is that book I do that tantric [ __ ]. you know God damn it what's the name of. the book though there's a a famous name. that if you find it over people's house. like oh they're a Freak no I yeah you. know what I'm talking about I know what. you're talking I do I doct I am a. student of. Tantra have you ever had a soapie where. you're on a raft and they put like soap. all over you and then they just rub your. body up and down Brian I've done it all. uh the red rope well here's the thing. here's all the [ __ ] that we're talking. about right the the Soapy raft the red.

rope whatever Kamasutra the Kamasutra I. mean duh um here's the thing about all. these weird sex things especially like. at a massage parlor where they do those. things you're like how does one girl do. the red rope she had to learn it from. they have to teach right someone who. does a happy ending like amazingly right. the the quality of service has to. maintain you know like how can one girl. give the best hand job she had to learn.

it so that's another thing I think about. you know who's teaching them yeah who's. teaching them is a class it's got to be. who's the guinea pig the guy who owns. the building who's the guinea pig you. know the guy who owns the building yeah. know [ __ ] big mayonnaise jarfi of. Viagra exactly so I don't know if you. know this Joe but I like to gamble I ien. I haven't gambled in in almost a year. and eight months now no one's counting. but uh I used to gamble in maau and maau. is like Vegas time 10 right it's Vegas. time a th000 a thousand they do [ __ ] in.

maau that shits on like one one good. Casino in in uh in maau makes more money. than all of Las Vegas what like their. Venetian out there is two football. fields wide like it's it's crazy oh my. God and they have chips like you know. you go to Vegas and you see black chips. and green chips whatever they have like. Square chips the size of this and you're. like how what's that and they're like. that's a million dollars a million. dollars wow China if you ever thought. China is going to run the world yes the.

answer to that is yes they don't give a. [ __ ] they have money there that it's. like you wouldn't even [ __ ]. understand is that a good thing or a bad. thing if China runs the. world. [Laughter]. uh I mean you say China and everybody. goes communism tan Square those are the. two things that come up communism ten. square and then you say America and what. do they say Hiroshima nagasa. you know well it all depends on whether.

you like Chinese food or not you know. like if you like MSG it's good I don't. know Chi Chinese people running [ __ ] who. knows I do know that if you uh to like. the three listeners out there that are. into Asian guys if if you like Asian. dudes if you like you know the hairless. body and all that [ __ ] data Chinese guy. from China because there's so many of. them because you don't want to date a. Korean cuz they're [ __ ] [ __ ]. they're stubborn insecure judgmental. [ __ ] you don't want to date like a.

weird Japanese. guy China Chinese like to [ __ ] they like. to [ __ ] a lot whoa these words why. that's why there's billions of them. there's more of Chinese than anywhere. there's more Chinese people got a good. point there right what is that point. they don't like they don't like to pull. out they like to come inside and they. like to have babies so much that there's. billions of them. overpopulation what does the Chinese. government do you can only have one. child now you can only have one if you.

can only have one what do you want a boy. what do the Chinese people do now for. years now you can only have one kid or. else you have to pay crazy taxes so if. you're Chinese and you have brothers and. sisters that means your parents are. probably Rich so you abort till you have. a son so what does that do to the. population now there's way more boys. than there's women what does that do now. they now like in the same way they used. to do the male Uh Russian maale order. bride now they do that for China with. Vietnamese and Filipino there's not. enough women so that they need to do.

Filipino male order bride Thai mail. order bride and what does that do. there's I don't know I don't know. statistics but I think it's something. like 10 for every 10 guys there's one. girl so what does that do to the entire. country it creates homosexuality more. higher numbers and if you're if you're a. dude and you're lucky enough to get a. girlfriend you're gonna treat her. amazing you're gonna treat her like a. [ __ ] princess. so ladies if you like Asian dudes get a. Chinese guy well it seems like a recipe.

for [ __ ] chaos because it doesn't. seem like if you live like that you only. have one child and the majority of them. are men it first of all doesn't feel. like that's sustainable but it feels. like people are going to be so. unhappy people are going to be so crazy. well one answer is to get this book. called The Kamas Sutra and learn some. tantric [ __ ] so you don't [ __ ] come. inside and have so many goddamn babies. you know that's not going to help at. this point at this point it seems like. when when you have that situation. already in place where you're only. allowed to have one kid so you have this. excess of males and this completely.

imbalanced setup whenever you have. imbalance like that it creates unrest it. it's bad what they could be doing is. just setting up their entire country to. like change the tone of the country. right well here's the thing that I know. I know when uh [ __ ] is [ __ ] crazy cuz. the art gets really good you know the. art in China is better than the art in. the rest of the world because they have. been t. because they have been living under. communism like Brian only [ __ ] porn.

stars and he thinks it's going to be a. step up for him to start dating artists. that is like 10 steps down wait till you. hear his comedy after he starts dating. an artist it'll be the best comedy he's. ever done in his life cuz they're crazy. they're horrible especially ones that. paint a lot of self-portraits of. themselves I mean come on give me a. [ __ ] break hey let's not get specific. here let's not get specific but you know. what I'm saying yes I know exactly what. you're saying so like um so I'm in China. and I'm gambling and and I get stressed.

out and they go do you want to go get a. massage and I and I told the guy he goes. you know a massage or a massage and I go. no like like seriously like a regular. massage I want to calm down so he gives. me the number for this place in like old. maau and I go in and it's amazing it's. like giant huge sofas where you could. kick back and the guy runs and goes do. you want a sandwich and some ramen or. whatever I'm like yeah give me some. noodle soup give me a Ramen then the the. dude rolls up and he's like you got some. like hard skin on the bottom of your.

feet you want me to shave that off I'm. like yeah [ __ ] yeah you know wait a. minute Manny Petty dude a Manny Petty. yeah so I got a dude shaving with a. razor blade like the hard skin on the. off the bottom of my feet and then a. little girl just comes and sits on my. shoulder and she goes do you want your. ears clean and I go yeah and she's doing. like little flowery [ __ ] blowing in my. ear digging all this like ear wax out. and I'm like I feel like a goddamn. princess right now and then a s of sort. of like milfy older not that attractive.

but you know got some weird mil Vibe. that's my type comes up and goes do you. want to do you want a leg massage and I. and this is all like 30 bucks wow you. know like now I got three people. catering to me I got one dude on my feet. one chick uh cleaning my ears and I. think at one point I had four like one. chick was like do you want a head scalp. massage and I was like let's just do the. whole thing you know so you're just. sitting there like a goddamn King and. then the lady that's G giving me my. thigh massage she's like sitting on a. little stoop between me rubbing my legs.

rubbing my calves and then once in a. while she goes from one leg and then she. goes to the other leg and one time when. she went to the other leg her hands. scraped the bottom of my balls I was. like oh whoops sorry like was that an. accident and then did you ask well I was. like oh that sort of cool you know did. you say something I didn't say anything. I was I was getting my ears whatever. right right a lot was going on but then. she goes to the other leg and this time. she grabs my balls I go that's not an. accident so I'm like monkey grabs the.

peach right and uh I'm sitting there and. she starts that image monkey grabs a. peach and so now she's giving she's. giving me a a a HJ but not like an. aggressive HJ it's like just she's just. playing with my balls you get so many. hand jobs you've broken it down to two. letters it's just the old HJ well. there's the dry HJ there's a wet HJ rub. maps terminology right there do you have. the monkey monkey steals the peach but. she's just giving me like um just like a. boring just she's not trying to get me.

off she's just massaging she's just. being nice to you and I and but then I. start getting hard and I'm laying on a. sofa thing like this right next to my. friend right like our feet are touching. oh that's kind of gay so so I'm like. it's kind of gay you like dude push off. me I'm getting hard I want to feel the. firm bottoms of your feet I want a toe. shake with you but there's a blanket. over my my dick so I start getting hard. and she starts hitting it on her hand. and showing my friend she's like look. your friend very hard and I'm like don't. do that don't do that and uh and I'm.

like this is weird I'm getting a sexual. act while other people are like like. manicuring me you know that's so crazy. and it was and then it's 15 minutes and. she stops and she goes do you want it to. go on or whatever and I'm like let's. stop for right now let let me let me um. let me just try to figure out what just. happened right now you sound like a. business manager let's stop for right. now stop right now and uh we're going to. get the team together and assess where. we go from here so they all stop they go. away and I go bro that girl was like. said do you want a thigh massage and she.

was massaging my balls and he's like. that was awesome and then we're talking. and we're looking at everyone so we look. like the feet manicure people are mostly. dudes the ear cleaning chicks are. usually like really small CU they sit on. you right and the thigh massage ladies. for the most part and they all have. different color jackets this is what my. job is MH so the thigh massage ladies. are all mils they're all they're all. older and they're not all hot some of. them aren't even. hot then I saw one with a thigh massage.

jacket that was young and beautiful and. I said hey hey thigh massage thigh. massage and she's like uh she had a. weird look and I was like what what what. and then the old one that just gave me. one comes and goes you don't want her. and I was like no no no I do and she. goes first day doesn't know what she's. doing like you're like perfect perfect I. want her and she goes no no no no no and. she goes you don't want her like I'll do. it I'll do it again I know what I'm. doing and I go no no no I want her she's. like they start speaking in and they go. like okay and then all this [ __ ] I'm.

talking about the dreams came true they. tell me to get up I go into a side room. and she trains her on me I'm the guinea. pig they never even look at me she's the. the young one's like this she starts G. he's like no no and she starts yelling. like this and they're having a fight. arguing over my dick practicing giving. me a hand job and I'm like this is the. best day of my life wow I'm I'm the. guinea pig of the girl that gets trained. on how to give a thigh massage and. you're in maau and I'm in maau you must. have felt like you were in an Indiana. Jones movie I always feel like I'm in an.

Indiana Jones movie but I I'm always. Short Round you. know like we steing on cookie that. sounds incredible that sounds like the. craziest freakiest experience ever it. was it was amazing and it it it was. nothing close to sexual for them I was. just a [ __ ] piece of meat you know. she was like like this no no no no like. this and was like amazing I was like I. was like I want this to go on forever. and you know amazing so things like this.

happen and then and then I I have uh you. say I say [ __ ] I I talk about this [ __ ]. you know and it's like it's sort of like. suicide to just keep openly talk about. but the freaky chicks that listen to me. they hear me say a story like this and. then they're like oh I'll [ __ ] I'll. do some [ __ ] to him that he's never so. why why would you say it's suicide to. talk about things like. this um there was a girl that I liked a. long time ago when I did a different. podcast called Karen's gone bad and I.

was considering I've been single for. eight years now and I was considering. dating her settling down and she goes F. first thing was no more podcast like I. can't be like with a dude that's talking. about people practicing hand jobs on his. dick you know which makes sense you know. you don't want to be with right I I. wouldn't want to be with someone like. that you know so it's so you know when I. put all my [ __ ] out there mhm I I'm on a. I I have my own podcast uh DVD ASA where.

beside you know a is a porn star but. everyone else on the show they don't. want to share that [ __ ] and that makes. sense you know they're not you know yeah. but she knows who you are you know right. right I mean you are who you are you're. you're a very interesting guy the idea. that everyone has to be uniform right. right and then we all have to fit into. the same pattern of of control what's. happened is I've turned into like uh. when guys look at a chick and they're. like she's a [ __ ] Like that's a you're a.

male [ __ ] that's a chick you [ __ ] but. you would never take home to your mom. that's how girls look at me now I think. some do but some probably which I love. don't they think that it's probably like. a challenge to be the girl that cracks. his his his mind open it's exciting to. me cuz because this is what married guys. this is what married guys say to me. don't you get sick of it Dave no you. know why they say that don't you get. sick of it they want you to join their. misery well they and and I and I get it. cuz I I know like some famous people. that do [ __ ] a lot and they say this. [ __ ] like you're getting dangerously.

close to start sucking dick you know. once you start what it happens you know. listen man this listen to me this is the. problem with married people this is. coming from a dude who's married married. people are much like people that want. you to use the same cell phone service. as them right they're like dude why you. with Verizon okay AT&T you can answer. your phone what and they get like real. passionate about it they want you to be. miserable with them for whatever reason. and it's not a knock on AT&T it's just. an example whether it's window or PC. there's people that want to you to use. what they use right and people who are.

married are like come on dude why don't. you just [ __ ] get married man become. one of us they just want you to they. have accepted this new stage of. existence and they want for whatever. reason everybody else to be exactly like. them or it becomes uncomfortable cuz I. do the same thing I go why don't you. just get divorced and come [ __ ] all. these girls with me take my sloppy. seconds you know I got hit with a [ __ ]. ball take some trrap not you know take. my sloppy seconds what a great. and you know what I don't give a [ __ ]. dude I'm in I don't I don't I you go.

first you I'll take sloppy seconds I. don't give this podcast is an mou s you. know guys are like ew dude you're going. to [ __ ] a girl I was like you guys all. go first you can go first you could take. sloppy seconds I'll go I'll go last wow. I'll eat Joe and Brian's come out of I. don't give a [ __ ] how spray. some how dare you I'm not gay I don't. give a. [ __ ] well you're that would yeah I can. see how some girls would have a problem. with no but Joe I understand I.

understand that because it's sort of. true they go don't you get sick of that. another sex story another [ __ ]. quadruple hand job another like tongue I. have a problem with people that have a. problem with people that don't get tired. of [ __ ] like why do you care people have. called me a misog is I love love women I. love them and I'm not sick of it every. time I have sex again it's. I I I can see the feelings of maybe I'll. get bored of this one day but in eight.

years I haven't why why is that a point. of concerned for you if you're a happy. person if life truly is a temporary. existence and if you are a good person. and you are you're a very nice guy right. so aren't those those bases are covered. then why what what difference I'm going. to do some I'm going to do some Asian. math for you oh Jesus I'm 80% happy 80%. of my life I'm happy with how I'm living. it what I'm doing 20% of my life is. miserable I I look at married people I.

go I want that I look at this and that. but I go at the end of the day when I do. the math part the Asian math part I'm. like my life is so [ __ ] awesome. whatever that next 20% to fill up that. to make it a 100% whatever has to be so. [ __ ] amazing that I'm going to. [ __ ] risk what I have right now you. know so there's parts of my life that. I'm like oh [ __ ] you know I don't have a. wife I don't have kids that say I love. you dad [ __ ] like that but you know what. 80% pretty good don't have to give that.

up to you know but you don't know Dave. you don't know the love of a child. that's some [ __ ] I know but you don't. also don't know the love of two [ __ ]. women fighting over your dick that don't. speak English you know like like it so. this is what I think either or right it. doesn't matter and the real problem is. people want it to be the way they're. living and you know what who gives a. [ __ ] I don't say never you know when. someone goes hey Dave are you gay I go. not yet I don't know I might be one day. so I might be married one day people go.

are you going to get married and I used. to say no I'm never getting married but. I might one day I don't I don't know if. I'm not or you know dude there's nothing. wrong with anything you're saying but. here's the thing that I do see with guys. that [ __ ] a lot is they get into the you. know this that the group sex the anal uh. threesoms then it goes to [ __ ]. sheales sorry sorry sorry point I take. [ __ ] is derogatory now transgender. dude I got attacked by the transgender. yes me too [ __ ] is like saying [ __ ].

or [ __ ] or or you say TS or trans or. transexual TS like you know when midgets. get mad for it's little people or uh. what's FS with a TS I don't know so but. you know you you keep you know it's when. you catch Hugh Grant or Eddie Murphy and. they're with like a weird look it's cuz. they've already [ __ ] Elizabeth Hurley. they've already [ __ ] the hottest. supermodels and then they want something. else you know so I understand that too.

and people are like Dave the path you're. on you're going to start letting guys. suck your dick just just for fun just to. feel the stubble on your balls you know. you're getting there and I'm like it's. possible right it is possible I'm. anything's possible man I see [ __ ]. blue snakes in this room right now as as. your friend I would say it's possible. and I would say don't worry cuz it's not. the worst thing that can happen to you. right there's a lot worse [ __ ] but I'm. going to bring all the [ __ ] back to. Mexico so so this is what's going on in. my life and and people tell me [ __ ].

about the red rope you know but I get to. Mexico I'm not there to [ __ ] I'm there. to paint but you know the thing about. love the funny thing the thing about. love you never know when it's going to. hit. right you should be you should be I can. see you entering through bead doors. remember those bead doors that they used. to have when you would buy porn when you. were a kid. yeah in Mexico I painted with uh one of. the last living uh Mexican surrealists. uh p p Pedro fredberg which was an.

amazing exper what is his actual name. Pedro fredberg Pedro fredberg he's. amazing he's old school he's like 80. years old still drinks like mcal smokes. and just we just sat in painted but I. also met the greatest comedian of all. time of all [ __ ] Joey Diaz uh no no. no not Joey Diaz is funny but this this. is on some Next Level [ __ ] this guy. again Pedro Fredo BG Fredo f e uh he's a.

Jewish Mexican so it's that's hilarious. I'm looking him up oh there he is he's. motherucker he's like the mcer of uh of. Mexican art you know so I'm having like. this I'm painting with him for the show. I'm painting my own [ __ ] and who you. never know when Love's going to hit you. you know so I meet this girl in Mexico. my Mexican girlfriend my friends love. calling her that and uh she doesn't have. a phone that I can text her so we have a. super like WB Dawson's Creek kind of. relationship where she lives two blocks.

from my studio and to contact me she has. to throw rocks or lighters or sticks at. my window oh that's beautiful so I'm. like cool this is what it feels like to. be a normal person every morning I wake. up and I have a job to paint this show. it's not like oh next week I'm going to. be in Cambodia next week I'm it's like. every day I'm painting so that feels. regular and now I have this chick that. really likes me she's an AR. I like her and this is what it feels. like to have a girlfriend you know so.

I'm like cool and she's super busy so. she doesn't have that much time for me. anyways and we didn't have sex right. away I really liked her and uh she did. this weird move that we talk about on. our show all the time which is black. people when they have sex with Assa they. never take their shoes off or their. socks off they need traction it's a. weird thing like they'll she says. they'll even take their pants off to and. their shoes to take the pants off and. then put the shoes back on they want to. be able to [ __ ] with like a lot of force. behind it and she was the same way she's.

like she's like uh I don't I don't want. take my socks off the first time we did. it the lights were off she's like I'm. not taking my socks off I'm like oh like. black eyes and she goes no like Woody. Allen and I go oh I don't stop saying. that so I'm [ __ ] her and the whole. time she's like like Woody Allen like. Woody Allen I'm like stop saying Woody. Allen and so I really like this girl I'm. starting to to to you know this is a. joke that I've killed but I keep saying. it's the worst STD you could possibly. catch. feelings uh so I like her and yeah and.

uh it's going good and all a sudden the. show became a relationship advice with. David Cho and one night cuz she loves. drinking she's a hard drinking. Mexican sloppy we're having sloppy sex. and she goes you like my little piece. and I go I what and she goes uh I have a. little piece I go and and her English. isn't perfect so I go I don't know what. your saying right now and she goes it's. really shy and it doesn't come out all. the time and I go what and she goes you.

know like a little penis and I go and. the thing is every every night every day. that I painted in Mexico my hands are. caked in pain right and I would come. home and I'd scrub him so she would let. me finger her you know and girls you. know Joe you know how many urinary. tracking podcast is the greatest thing. that's ever happened in my life me to. you know how many urinary tract. infections these hands have given I know. now I I I I cut my nails I scrub them I. get all even with the scrubbing I get.

some paint on still but you know if I'm. painting a giant mural like that I'm. going for it my hands are covered in. paint and then the the chemicals you use. to take the paint off as well right. doesn't that linger in the skin exactly. so I go home and I spend like hours. cleaning my hands cuz I want a finger. you know could you get a chick drunk. with turkin time I'm sure you can you. know it seems like that would absorb. skin yeah. yeah that guy is weird clean stupid. don't say [ __ ] like that dud just if you. just stopped and thought about half the.

[ __ ] you said just cut out half of them. you'd be amazing he'd be like the. greatest podcast sidekick of all time so. right now you're number two what what do. you get from I know who number one is. what do you do from that Joe you you. started having sex with a girl you. really like she doesn't speak perfect. English and man I don't know and she. tells you in the middle of the night she. has an extra piece that only comes out. sometimes ah you would have to really. decide how much you liked her I really. did like so what difference does it make. I've seen I've had a girl that does mean. she said it and immediately my brain.

goes oh my transgender that's what you. thought she said it uh and immediately. my brain goes oh my God I'm going to. lose my boner right now I'm like I'm. with the guy but it only got harder so I. I I don't I don't know what that and so. it means you're a Savage you're enjoying. the real Primal I I try to laugh it. offness of the experience I was like. what are you talking about like I Tred. to like and then you came like a [ __ ]. rhino. oh and and as soon as she as soon as she.

says it I I go for the fingers I'm. searching and she goes it's shy it. doesn't come out all the time I go my. brain is thinking as soon as she walks. out that door I'm going to Google. hermaphrodite I'm gonna is is that even. how it works that a penis is inside the. vagina my dick is inside her vagina she. has a dick in there our dicks are. rubbing right now her little dick is. going into my dick well it's not most. likely it's an enlarged C [ __ ] right no. no her [ __ ] was fine you know I I looked. at the [ __ ] she said it was inside and.

it doesn't come out all the time and she. seemed a real thing did you like look. this up like in medical journal I looked. it up I couldn't find a picture of that. but I don't I've been with a girl that's. like that hermite her so this is a her. Hey Joe I think the girl that's like. that what it is it's like this like. right on the top of the penis there's. some girls have this little thing that. comes out and it looks like a little. baby kid finger that's a that's a. clitoris just an enlarge I've I've seen. women who have enlarg curus and where it. comes out yeah and it looks um you know.

it looks like a little penis but this is. not that she had a normal uh clitorus. and I'm searching I don't and here's the. thing wow it's a weird thing to say. someone to someone during sex right it's. a weird thing that's how you're going to. bring it up you're going to bring it up. bring it up now so listen [ __ ] don't. pretend you ain't enjoying this sweet. boy. [ __ ] but let's be honest this is a lot. of things. and it's and it's a it's a weird thing. to say this is many things yeah I mean.

she you enjoying the [ __ ] out of it. [ __ ] she's constantly [ __ ] herself. and she's like oh your dick got harder. yeah I guess right yeah um I'm going to. look for images human hermaphrodite okay. you find it did you taste it who it's. very odd wow I don't want to see what. you're looking at right nowo it's not. what I thought it is it's uh that's. fascinating and because I over analyze. everything I start thinking am I gay now. and there's a there's a little uh. liberating feeling I'm like yes finally. I'm gay there's nothing about this girl.

let me see her face if she you know that. that there's nothing about this chick. that's male she's a beautiful girl she's. cute that might be a little hot then I'm. like I found the perfect man woman the. tentacle well I hang out with my guy. friends all day and I go on bro dates. and I'm like man I wish you had a [ __ ]. wow that is just so weird to say well I. don't know if I would keep. eating we on a lunch date and you're. like I'm oh my might need my uh I need. my energy to fight this dude off I don't. know what the [ __ ] going down next.

let's get out Joe you don't have guy. friends let go I could rape you if I. wanted no GRE Greg Simmons has a very. funny joke about if he was trapped on a. deserted island and he get to pick his. wife or one of his friends right he. would go I would take a guy he has this. great joke it's [ __ ] funny and he's. like because we would just laugh we'd go. in the woods and jerk off and then we'd. just be hanging out with each other he. goes if it was my wife it would like P. I I'm not doing that bit Justice by the. way Greg Sor I'm paraphrasing pick a guy.

that and you have to be bigger than him. in case that day comes when you want to. rape your friend also why would you rape. your friend if you really friends You'. jerk each other off that's true trapped. on an island together I'd jerk you off. butthole to butthole just touching butth. holes it's not as gay but it's all gay. you're all you're naked you're trying to. come it's gay you should just if you. were like at that point we like rubbing. butth holes and you're telling a chick. like look baby I mean we were on that. island for 10 years the worst I did is. rub but holes with them she'd be like. why didn't you just suck each other off. who cares poop on an island he pooped.

into my butt I pooped into his butt. forever if you were I mean it's like. it's not just whether or not how long. would you hold out in prison you know. it's would you want to hold out would. you want to hold out or would you just. said it's an amazing skill to have to. just send your mind somewhere else you. know the whole thing if you're getting. raped and you just want to go somewhere. El not we're not even talking about rape. we're just talking about gay sex like. you blowing your buddy cuz you're both. just collecting coconuts for the rest of. your life on this deserted island. occasionally one of you gets a boner. like come on man can you just pretend. you're a girl bro I [ __ ] love you I.

saved you from that snake first of all. you right-handed or left-handed I'm. right-handed but I use my left hand for. a lot of things well I'm left-handed and. I jerk off with my left hand so we could. do side by side and also interesting but. the thing is did you do that from. holding an iPad with your right you get. like really good with the iPad and. you're just like oh I'm amazing I'm like. top Cru in the [ __ ] Minority. Report uh but I just closed my eyes and. I just try to pretend like it was my. dick. okay I'm drinking off my it' be like. doing the stranger when you sit on your. hand and you make it go I would just. pretend I was a girl for five minutes.

Jesus Christ how hard would it be why. would you just [ __ ] a hot oil in your. hand and jerk your friend off Jesus. Christ it's not gay you're helping each. other out you're both trapped is it gay. to get a massage I used to think it was. gay to get a massage by men until I. realized that it is gay until they stick. their fingers in your butthole I'm a. manly man and I desire I need hard. massages I can't just get a regular. massage cuz I'm thick like. a couple thae girls that would take care. of you don't have to ever go to a guy no. trust me dude they can't do it I get I.

go through these torture deep tissue. massage sessions that you need like a. really strong dude Bri said I just I'm. I'm in pain right now cuz I got a TI. chick to just destroy me last night oh. really I mean she I was crying I was. like what is that wet stuff I was like. she probably wouldn't make me cry though. cuz you're a real man you're a manly man. I'm a Savage when it comes to Time. Massages no they're when they step on. your back especially that's that is. pretty intense [ __ ] I went to uh one. once and this lady was standing on. either side of my back and she had her. hands clamped on my wrist and had my.

arms like stretched back and she was. just walking up and down my back and I. was like wow like this lady's probably. done this a thousand million times she. just had it down it was almost like a. Jiu-Jitsu move right like you get really. good at a triangle and then you lock it. in tight it's just just strong in that. position that's how she was with this. crazy arm thing when's the first time. you got a massage by a guy like years. ago a long time ago first time was this. uh this Mexican dude who uh worked for. one I think it was a Mexican boxing team.

but you had the conversation in your. head right you're like it's not gay I. don't give a [ __ ] no no he was he wasn't. gay he was a m no no I'm saying for you. you're like we [ __ ] a couple of times. but it was just because I owed him money. no no no you had a you had a you had had. massages by women and you had made up. your mind it's not strong enough. actually no I need a man to do it. actually no I'd never had a massage by. woman I had never had a massage period. and this guy was shocked that I was a. competitive athlete and that I never had. a massage and I had done all this uh. martial arts competition and everything. and I never had a massage when I was uh.

when I was young like my approach to. nutrition and vitamin supplementation. and all that it was really kind of. crappy right you know and so I never got. massages when I was competing I never. did any of that [ __ ] so this one dude. who was a friend of a friend who had a. problem with his shoulder is like I'm. telling you man this dude like changed. the way my body moved like he's it. doesn't feel good it [ __ ] hurts but. when it's over like everything just sort. of snap and flows and moves good just he. loosens you up and he had this uh happy. ending no happy ending but he had this.

way of uh it was like a I think it's. called a uh pressure release or Point. release or something like that style of. massage where you would just [ __ ]. trigger release it would just pinch down. on these muscles and pull it across it. [ __ ] hurts man it's similar in a way. to ring have you ever had that done yeah. yeah raling is another like really. brutal form of uh massage I've had it. all man I've had that stuff's great. though that that stuff if you work out a. lot it's like well I went I had that.

conversation with myself too like years. ago when I lived in New York there's a. Russian bath house like on the Lower. East Side uh it's like a schitz and all. that [ __ ] and I want I was like [ __ ] I. feel like [ __ ] I should get a massage. and they're like there's only do you. care there's only guys and I was like at. that point I'd only gotten massage from. women I'm like what the [ __ ] do I care. you know it's not sexual and it's like. guy cut to well it's like I I had a I. had a problem of getting's well I had a. problem of getting boners every time I.

got a massage no matter what just just. cuz I was Lov someone touching me like. that you know so I'm I had the you. remember the Seinfield where George is. like I think it moved when the guy so. I'm like I don't even want to mistakenly. get a boner but I was like whatever it. was like a old like Eastern European guy. bunch of Fedor looking dudes not your. type I'm like whatever so look like he. was like an old man if you had to. compare him to a movie star uh is he in. your Ben gazari he looked like Ben. gazari Ben gazari Who the hell's that uh. he's like you watching indie films all.

your friends pretend [ __ ] still black. and white yeah no he's an actor I think. he was uh Vincent Gallo's dad in Buffalo. 66 oh my God that obscure That was. supposed to be a good. movie it's about gambling Ben gazari. yeah okay in your spank wait why do you. want this visual right now I don't know. just I'm trying to oh Ben gazara yes oh. that guy's a bad [ __ ] so a lot. of [ __ ] so I'm like I'm not going to get. a boner during a Ben gazara massage oh. yes you would I would if it was Ben.

gazara just out of respect and also I. hadn't gotten a lot of massages where I. take all my clothes off I always like. leave my boxers on or something so so I. get in the room and he's like oh he's. dead he goes take all take your clothes. off and I'm like all right whatever and. then he puts the oil on and he starts. massaging my butt and I'm it's the butt. is the the exclamation point on his. massage it's shoulders back to butt C. back to butt and I go I go hey um you. know butt's not that sore doesn't.

doesn't really like it's cool like. thanks and then he just started kneading. my butt and started talking about how he. misses home and and this and I was like. I was like dude you got to stop touching. my ass man I'm I'm over it like please. stop doing that and then he kept doing. it I was like all right he kept doing it. after you told him to stop well he was. in a Zone like just talking to himself. like pretending like it wasn't happening. and he was ready to suck your dick I was. like all right and that was last time. how many decks do you think he probably. sucked that week him or me that guy oh.

uh uh it's probably his move man yeah I. don't know I miss home the only way to. get away from this Miss is penis and. mouth come on I just had the worst. massage thing I'm I think I'm done now I. was in Santa Monica and it was like I. was trying to think carefully if you. want to say this on the air oh yeah yeah. it's fine but uh I was actually thinking. like I'll just get a legit massage this. place was open really late though and it. looked really nice outside you know so I. was like uh are you open and I think. they might have just sent the last girl.

home because I saw this pretty decent. looking girl walk out the side door and. then what time is it uh. 9:30 you know Sant there's really for. the most part no legit massages. happening after 9:30 yeah like most. massage places close down around 9 you. know yeah but this was right down the. street from Boa so I'm like all right it. can't be too crazy you know all right so. uh I I go in and this really old fat. Asian lady was there and and I was like. are you open and she's like oh yeah yeah. good and so I go in the room and I now. just always take my all my clothes off I.

don't even keep boxers on all the time. now just in case if you know the girl is. really hot that's cool you know but I. just wanted a real massage and then she. walks in wearing like a dress no. underwear nice and like cut really short. and just fat and old like like a grandma. old like I'm and she was dressed up like. totally changed clothes I heard somebody. go to the bathroom so that means she. went into the bathroom and washed. herself you know and stuff like that cuz. she smelled like this perfume and then. she she gets on top of me removes the.

towel gets on top of me and just kept on. bouncing like her uh vagina was like on. my butthole like it was just just like. oh she's like on you yeah on me just. bouncing and she's just like not really. massaging or anything uh I don't think. so I think I don't I was freaked out and. so I was just like play dead play dead. play dead like don't even like don't. make a noise I'm thinking like uh I hope. she like really gets off me if she just. will startop start massaging me so. suddenly she starts rubbing her hands on.

my back and her she had calluses or. something because it just scratched and. it was it hurt though like it it felt. like she was like stabbing me like hurry. like like so I'm just like ah ah and. then like she flips me over eventually. and stuff like that is there any point. where you're like I'm going to just. leave right now um no because I didn't. want to be. rude and I thought she would she was. kind of trying and then she but oh she. started playing with my like butt and. stuff like like a lot of places give you. prostate massages and I'm trying to like. tighten it up like that's one of the. funniest statements anybody ever say a.

lot of places give you prostate it's. pretty popular compared to what I'm I'm. really good now at like what you said. like when uncomfortable like [ __ ] like. that I would be bad at leaving cuz but. like now I walk out of movies I walk out. of massages I I'm just like I'm not into. this anymore and I just get up and I. leave you know a I should have done that. yeah it ended really bad and then when. she flipped me over she just kept on. like touching my dick and I'm like no. like this and stuff like that and then. she finally gave up and then left and. then came in and watched gave up like.

you didn't get hard for her no I. couldn't I shut up no seriously I didn't. I I I was so grossed out I was like. freaked out I had my eyes cuz like how. many times have you been back uh I'll. never get back there how many times have. you jerked off thinking about it never. she's not in my spank bank it was too. gross my spank bank there's a massage. place by my house which one that listen. let's not name names want to get anybody. in trouble I live in Korea Town oh cool. and I I've been going to this place for. over 10 years you know do they have. young girls no it's a it's not a sex.

place it's a complete legitimate massage. place and like Joe when I go to a place. when it's some like some white chick or. something it's not a good massage you go. to the taii place or you go to the. Korean place where they look like your. mother they [ __ ] rip your [ __ ] up. dude they they go [ __ ] crazy like you. know they give you they get in there. they stand on your back they pound your. [ __ ] and yeah afterwards you feel all. spelt and nice and flowy whatever Gio's. boxing gym in Burbank there's a massage.

parlor that's connected to it D dude. dude no no no best good legit massage. legit massage so this is a place I've. been going to for 10. years not that much but you know every. time I know that I just want a regular. massage I know that some chick that. looks like my mom or my aunt is going to. give me a great massage and then I'm. done you know so I but I haven't been. back for a few I moved to New York. whatever um um and my way of dealing. that that whole thing with me puking. before going on shows is I started.

getting massages and I'm like hard ones. I'm like it has to be a hard deep tissue. and I was like I'm going to go back to. that place and uh so I already told this. story but I'll tell it quick it it's the. same story as yours all the it's 9:30 or. 10 all the the you know they're not ugly. but they're just older and it's just the. mamasan the she's like I'm like oh I'll. just come back she's like no no no just. come come in and I'm like okay never. once even thought that I was going to.

get a hand job you know I get in there. she comes in and then I'm like oh the. [ __ ] lady the receptionist is giving. me I'm like all right cool amazing. massage cracks my. neck cracking sounds back just [ __ ]. doing it and then uh you know she flips. me over and starts jerking me off and. I'm. like oh that's what I thought when I. came in it was always like a $40 massage. place like a cheap Korean massage and. then it was $75 now or something like.

that I was like what a $30 increase and. like what the [ __ ] is that that's a. bargain and a half though if you're like. what could they be doing different H. maybe it's an incense tax maybe it's. scented candles that they have to pay. she she flips me over and and and she. goes like like she just does a couple. ball flicks like do you want this and I. was like I was like no but I was like. yeah and and you were like no but you. were like yeah like 12 yeah exactly and. and I'm like there's and I was like. Brian I was like there's no way I'm. going to get hard but because she's a.

professional yeah she's good whatever. she did lot lots of hot oil wow I'm like. whoa and then I'm pretty sure this is a. massage parlor faux PA the thing the. Bell from someone else coming in hello. is someone in here she goes okay wait so. mid jerk mid jerk she stops and I hear. you know it's like a small place so I. hear their whole conversation he's like. hey is uh Rachel or Jenny working. tonight he's like no everyone go home uh. wait uh 10 minute uh maybe 5 minute and.

I and I get and the GU you could tell. he's like no I think I'll come he's like. no no stay I give you discount I give. you $10 discount and he's like H and I'm. sitting there and my Bon is just. going and I'm like cuz you're seeing her. actively be rejected it's bad on both. fronts and just and just like I got a. break I'm like I could cut out right now. and I'm. like I should leave and then and the. negotiation is like he's one foot out. the door he's like I don't know he's. like no no no no come in I'll be done in. five No 3 minutes I'll be finished 3.

minutes and like I'm like I'm going to. get up okay I'm going to I'm going to. like count to 10 in my head right now 10. nine when I get to one I'm I'm going to. walk out the door so I start sitting up. and then she the guy's like I'm going to. go he left and she runs back in and she. goes lay down and I go okay so I lay. down and now I'm deflated I'm like I. said it's it's okay I'm just going to go. and she goes no no no no and she starts. up again and now she's just playing with. my wet noodle it's not it's like there's. too much thought in and and I go stop.

right there is there a sad moment in. life someone's tugging on your dick and. you don't want them to yeah yeah I'm. like it's it's done it's it's cool she. go this lady's fa and it's a dark room. she doesn't give a she's a trained. trained. assassin she wasn't even worried for a. second she goes okay okay she reaches. behind her and tears a piece of Saran. Wrap and I go what's going to happen now. I don't know what this is right now and. she [ __ ] like puts some [ __ ] on my. ass lube and she like puts the she she.

holds my legs up like this and Taps my. legs like like hold your legs and I'm. like okay so I'm holding my legs like. this and I go I don't know what's going. to happen right now but I'm going for it. she puts the Saran Wrap over my butthole. and I go she's going to lick my ass. right now like through the Saran. Wrap to this day besides the part where. when I was a kid then I put a vacuum. cleaner on my butthole I've never felt. this before she didn't stick her tongue. into my butthole she sucked my butthole. she put her lips around my butthole and.

sucked and I was like never felt that. before whoa dick gets hard immediately a. few seconds just Jer he shot a load. without even jerking off yeah no she. jerked me off but it was like how much. time between her putting the Saran Wrap. over your butthole and you shooting a. load how much time 15 seconds to put the. SAR WP 5 Seconds to shoot oh my God she. was got a heart immediately IM like I. was like I've heard of girls putting.

their finger up a guy's butt and licking. it and right she sucked the butthole she. sucked my. butthole so I I'm filled with so much. shame I'm like I'm I'm like she's like. and you know she just throws the towel. on me she's like okay cool oh my God and. I'm like you know does this lady when. she goes to the supermarket and she buys. the Saran Wrap does the lady know what. she's going to use it for when she. brings it home and the kids are like. Grandma why you buy so much Saran Wrap.

every week like oh my God I I I go in. the car and I go I can never talk about. this day and then I told what yeah I. mean it was how dare you how do you even. lie to yourself like that well unlike. Brian I've been back like several times. now so and where is this. again it was they hit hard times you. know it went from a totally legit place. to suck an [ __ ] with Saran Wrap place. you need a open your [ __ ] up a little. more and quit judging so much you know. oh he's not judging yeah I had a. horrible experience doing it comedy sake.

her hands hurt she gave me zero massage. if she gave me some kind of massage I. would probably but you have to be honest. man just cuz you had a good experience. doesn't mean you can't accidentally wind. up with a demon yeah we all know you. could wind up with a demon I true I had. an old lady in uh Pasadena she was soft. hands it was nice don't say names or. places she grinded you could yeah Brian. she grinded on her butthole with her Gil. shaved [ __ ] you know come on man her. what Gil grandma oh.

grandma that's so dark so Joe I got so. Dave we keep going first of all that. [ __ ] story it's one of the greatest. stories I've ever heard in my life I. just got to tell you it changed my way. of thinking about being single here's. the thing it's like that that experience. was so important and so funny and. there's so few people that would express. it with the same kind of honesty and. Glee that you do it with that it's. almost like a dis service to mankind if. you decide to to settle down we would. have like a real hard time with that and.

anybody who wants to stop your podcast. is a cultural criminal well this is what. I see after traveling a lot the this is. what I see in Chinese and Italian. culture and it's like in this Society. there's a lot of crying oh my God my. husband cheated on me it's like yeah. that's just sort of what guys do there's. sort of almost like an Acceptance in. China and Italy where you got your gumma. and you got your wife as long as your. hand jobs and girlfriend [ __ ] doesn't. [ __ ] [ __ ] with your family it's almost. like an understanding of the wife knows.

you're going to go get massage parlor. hand jobs or have a girlfriend and it's. like just don't put it in my face you. know like you have a business meeting. you guys are all going to [ __ ] hookers. get it but don't don't bring it back to. me you know that's in a lot of European. cultures as well right like the prime. minister of France didn't he openly have. they're like they're cool they're just. like they're like I think Monica beluchi. I wanted I want to ask you about this. this is an important subject I think. what do you think is the cause for I.

mean is it the the the sexual puritanism. of America where people would judge you. on you being a nice person you having. fun and just doing having these. experiences which are readily out there. for a lot of people that somehow or. another it's Perhaps Perhaps what am I. lecture exploitative or that people. would have a problem with the idea of. using prostitution but at the end of the. day not really hurting anybody is that. one of the most important issues to. concentrate on and what is the reason. why people do concentrate on it and get.

mad at you and judge you and I think it. h it has to be based on insecurity it. has to be based on the ideaid me are you. kidding me more men found out what. you're doing of course they would want. to do it too well a you had those sex. and at dawn guys in here so there's a. lot of like weird religious [ __ ]. Christopher Ryan the guys that wrote the. sex at yeah it's a a guy right right. okay um and so I think a lot of guy by. the way I think I owe okay so I went to. the extreme version of that I just came. back from Afghanistan right.

and you know you're not supposed to. judge other cultures right and I get. there and I'm staying with uh a guy who. runs like all the networks in. Afghanistan sad moini and he's letting. us crash at his place and everyone's. like oh man it's so backwards out there. like the girls they wear the burkas and. you only see their eyes in Afghanistan. you don't even see the eyes it's a it's. complete you don't see like mosquito. netting you don't see flesh like ghost. they wearing gloves the [ __ ] goes to the.

feet you don't see flesh at all the. dudes what are they wearing flipflops. sweatpants they're chilling and it's. like don't [ __ ] touch my girl don't. [ __ ] look at her and and you go back. to this whole thing with insecurity. that's what it is it's like oh if she. cheats on you if she talks to another. guy yeah we Stone her we beat the [ __ ]. out of her it's like the reason why the. Taliban has no problem getting female. suicide bombers is cuz your life is. miserable if you're a woman in [ __ ].

Afghanistan you know you you your. husband beats you and if you go to the. police station to complain then the. [ __ ] police beat you for complaining. and it's it's just like we had uh two. girls that are westerners so they didn't. have to wear the full burka but they. still had to like cover their hair and. wear jeans and long sleeve shirts or. whatever and they took us to uh they. took us they took me to a calligraphy. school to check out that like like uh. Arabic like calligraphy style I love.

that [ __ ] and they go hey if you if we. go to the roof right now we could see. the whole city it's a beautiful view I. go cool let's check it out so they went. up first and I was like drawing with. some kid and then Critter was with me. and he's like Dave get up here right now. get up here and I'm like what we run up. to the thing the two girls they were all. standing on the ledge of the roof. looking out at the whole city the. junkyard tire shop below the guys. working at the tire shop look up and see. two white girls and they could see their. face they start jerking off they pull.

their dicks off out and start jerking. off and were they. saying like in a trance and I'm like and. you're like whoa crazy crazy it's like. think about how much [ __ ] you already. saw today without even trying turning on. the TV a Victoria's Secret ad a. billboard you see flesh you go to the. supermarket you go to [ __ ] Whole. Foods where the [ __ ] are like wearing. short shorts and it's sex is everywhere. think about being a horny horny Arab kid.

and then you see a [ __ ] chick just. her face they couldn't control. themselves wow and then they saw us and. then they stopped but it was like they. went into a trance like that's amazing. it was amazing I was like I never got so. much joy watching another guy jerk off. those weird levels of like intense. religious all goes back to sex yeah it. all goes back to [ __ ] Well it Well. whether it does or it doesn't it it it's. all about control but when you see that. control implemented on people there's. always a rebound from it there's some. crazy reaction to it some fanatical.

explosive reaction to it right yeah we. we have a very real natural built-in. response to someone trying to control us. right and we either go with it. full-heartedly and make it like it's our. idea or we rebel against it and and we. hate it and we go the exact opposite. direction like Catholic school girls who. become [ __ ] right no nothing wrong with. being a [ __ ] [ __ ] a bad word no [ __ ]. shaming on The Joe Rogan Experience I. don't believe in [ __ ] I think there's. people that do whatever the [ __ ] they.

want to do I'm just saying I I agree. with you this Society is whatever every. society has its problems for me. personally I think if I were to ever get. married I don't I don't want to get into. like some SI swinger [ __ ] or whatever. but I think I need to be with like some. European or just hold down till they. have. robots hold out until you can be. monogamous what's that [ __ ] you just. showed me the a silus rift. Oculus Oculus Rift Don't Buy That don't. buy that I'm not going to it's going to. ruin your life until I know that I have.

to go to the mountains and [ __ ] put. up a high fence to keep the [ __ ]. crazy I have some of those robots like. the shittier ones and they're they're in. my in my closet I bought I buy every. time someone's like this is the next. best thing I buy it with that thought. when I go to the mountains and all. everyone's dead at least I'll have this. but I but I don't open the plastic cuz I. know it'll ruin my life that that's too. freaky right now when you're dealing. with things like you know rubber vagina. is or fake boxes that you stick your. dick into and they gate you know it's. fake even though it's enjoyable it's.

pleasurable sexual experience you it's. removed from the sexual experience of. having sex with a real woman exactly. that's not going to be the case 50 years. from now 50 years from now they're going. to have robotics down to the point where. they can have a real Bonafide artificial. woman who's warm and feels [ __ ]. amazing it is the hottest chick you've. ever seen on the planet Earth and you. could have 10 of them in a warehouse. charging by solar but that will help. overpopulation don't you think well. it'll help a lot of things but like.

overpopulation is most certainly a bad. thing but one of the worst Parts about. it is that there's a depletion of. resources and this sort of diminishing. of the value of a human being when. there's too many people so what I I. think about LA and I think about a lot. of places and it's one of the worries. that I have about China is the volume. and I think my personal exper expences. I've I've lived in small towns and I've. lived in you know really big places I've. I've seen there's there's a different.

way that human beings treat each other. when they don't see each other as often. there's less of them they have more. camaraderie there's a number that. becomes unmanageable I don't know what. that number is but I think we've passed. it I think in Los Angeles we certainly. passed it but I think that's hurry up. doctors with that rubber fake robot. [ __ ] make that [ __ ] I don't think it's. doctors I or scientists or whatever yeah. scientists and inventors and modelers. and people making AR the same way you. know people like adults get weird when. they find out how obsessed kids are with. video games they're like we had Pac-Man.

I'm like okay look I what's Grand Theft. Auto on right now five yeah like when it. was on two or three it you're like wow. cuz you're like a guy running through a. city and it feels it feels like virtual. reality but like you said it's the guy. still looks a little pixelated and the. facial features you know they do like. the stubble but it looks still like a. computer I don't know if this about me. but like when I would kill hookers in. Grand Theft. Auto the B the bodies don't disappear as. long as you keep shooting them so I.

would just stand over the hookers and. keep shooting their. vaginas God but it's should admit to. that what well my my little my little. nephew walked in uh cuz I there was a. time when I got out of prison I didn't. have a place to live so I stayed with my. cousin and I would play like like Mickey. Mouse and the little kid video games and. then when they went to sleep I'd play. Grand Theft Auto and he snuck in my room. one day and you know when some in the. room and they you know like someone's in. the room but you didn't hear them so I. stopped for a second I turned around I'm. like what are you doing he's like what.

are you doing Uncle Dave and I was like. come in be quiet don't tell your mom how. old is this kid was like six years old. he's ready he was ready but ready to see. hookers but I but they're like wait till. next next one and the next one I'm like. video games in the next 10 years it'll. you'll be you it'll look exactly like. you there'll be no glitches where it. looks like a computer and so if you're. in the game raping killing paging that's. going to [ __ ] with your head even more. like when I played Grand Theft the.

second third one I'd after a day of just. killing non-stop I'd walk outside and. just feel weird you know but at least I. knew it was still a video game Brian. there were some images that somebody. posted in the uh Duncan trussle thread. um on the Rogen board about uh some. another new technology that was akin to. the Nvidia technology that looks. absolutely insane yeah I believe it's. from Activision see if you can find that. if you could pull those images up cuz. what they're doing the virtual is going. to be like really intense I can't wait.

that robot [ __ ] yeah the robot the phys. robot [ __ ] the physical carbon based. you know artificially created robot like. what's her face what was that girl's. name in Blade Runner who was it oh uh. Daryl Hannah yes look at that that looks. crazy incredible I mean it's it's yeah. dude I met Daryl Hannah in 1994 yes at. uh caner Deli in LA and she was so. incredibly normal like just a normal.

chick hanging out with her friends her. friends were totally normal and it was. it was a for me it was a very. educational experience because I never. thought that some woman who's first of. all an attractive woman second of all a. super famous Splash yeah super famous. actor right and she could be with a. couple of her friends I think it was two. guys and another girl and I could be. with a couple of our friends and they. were sitting next to us and invited us. to talk to them just engaged us right.

like they were T they were doing some. game where you name the state and uh. what's the capital or what's the state. motto that's what it was what the state. motto and they they were like engaging. us come on help out like we we like they. were like friendly super friendly like. any normal person who you could sit next. to if you were in a booth by you know. yeah and that was cool it was really. cool it was it was really cool because. it was like oh these these like movie. star people they're just [ __ ] people. man they're just [ __ ] people that. someone turns a camera on. to but like that's not going to happen.

when we all [ __ ] robots there's no and. the robots are going to know all the. answers anyways her character blun. Sacramento her character in Blade Runner. was [ __ ] bad ass dude she was the the. number one robot for that crazy little. dude I love that movie oh that movie was. good that movie is so [ __ ] amazing. and that movie was badass because that. sea young check she was hot too godamn. she was hot dude not just hot but like. hypnotic there was like something about. her like yeah she had that look with her.

hair and everything eyes man it was like. a there's a perceived innocence or. something like that to her as this robot. character that was just brilliant man my. memory's going to [ __ ] dude BL Runners. when all time great movie when I was. younger I got a weird job with sha young. and I can't remember it now you had a. job with her like some weird movie I. can't remember it and you know what. happened to her man she kind of went off. the rail what happened to her she went. off the rail she got it was too too much. pressure be I think being a a famous. movie star has got to be so being a.

famous guy like you or is a famous. artist you're famous kind of for being. crazy you can and you know the amount of. like mainstream TMZ type pressure you. get is very non-existent or minimal you. just enjoy it you enjoy it you just you. just like but that Tom Cruz [ __ ] like. where she was at she was at that sha. young was in like all the that's her. name right Sha young yeah she was in. like that movie with Kevin cner what was. that. movie she's in a gang of [ __ ] movies. man she was a big time mov there's more. pressure for women cuz it's like you.

have a window to just do all this [ __ ]. and then you have a window to do all. this [ __ ] in and there's a freak out of. being this one person that all these. people are focusing on that is so. completely unnatural you are complet. you're you're supercharging your system. it's like putting a blower on a Mustang. and revving the engine much higher than. it's supposed to go it's like I stay the. [ __ ] away from actresses bro like that's. that that's a horrible I would never. generalize like that cuz I've met like a. lot of really cool actresses that I love. being friends with but as far as like.

them yeah friends is fine you know I. don't want to date anybody's anything. like me I don't want to date anybody. who's even remotely as crazy as I that's. what I'm saying so when I date a chick. that she's like you got to quit the. podcast I'm like that's sort of like. [ __ ] you [ __ ] but then also like that's. sort of a good Instinct you know like. you know like but you know there's. people that it works out like Tom sigura. and his wife Christina pitsky do you. know you know Tom sigura hilarious. standup comedian and his wife is [ __ ]. brilliant like a really funny com and. they're married and they're happy and it. works I got to finish telling you about.

the Mexican comedian cuz you just. brought. okay um I love what you're drawing right. now by the way my best dra. idea um so I told you I met the greatest. comedian ever in Mexico that's not. possible I'll tell you and you [ __ ]. tell me if so I'm [ __ ] my Mexican. girlfriend mhm and it's not like she's. joking with me she's almost nervous to. tell me this it's like we're [ __ ] and. she's drunk and she's like I I have a. little piece like she was super nervous.

nervous tell was never resolved yeah so. I'm going to resolve it right now or I. okay it was never resolved you're. correct it was never resolved and and. I'm analyzing this I'm like was she. joking no because she was super nervous. to even tell me we [ __ ] and I'm like is. that. for is that is that for real is that in. like. she falls asleep I fall asleep she's. she's out she's drunk we [ __ ] she's out. and I'm like this am I gay did I just.

[ __ ] a her. Aphrodite I don't sleep at all the next. morning she has to get up early to go to. work I go hey uh you remember that thing. you said last night uh she's like what. she's like you know you said something. last night and she's like I got to go. she like runs out and I'm like whoa no. closure no whatever oh [ __ ] and I had. three or four days left in Mexico you. know and I was like I need to find out. if I'm gay now this should be on Vice. why is this not why haven't you like.

written this for vice cuz I'm telling. you right now you know so she so then uh. every day so we [ __ ] like every night. until I left and every night [ __ ] Sav. she always says turn the lights off. never leaves the lights on always leaves. the socks on and does she have dude feet. hair toes won't let and won't let me. finger her because of the pain and so. well I got the paint on my hand oh paint. paint so I'm scrubbing and I go look. they're clean tonight she's like no no. no don't F just [ __ ] me and I'm like wow.

is it a thing that comes out like this. alien there's so many questions I go I. go hey that thing the extra piece was. that a joke she's like and she her face. turns red like don't bring it up and I'm. like I'm with a [ __ ]. hermaphrodite wow this is crazy and you. didn't go down on her right you didn't. ever go no I went down dude I went. searching bro I wanted answers you know. I try to go deep I try to get the. answers so damn son never got the answer.

no closure look dude you got to do what. you got to do in certain situations you. just got to back out and count your. losses this is this is uh two months ago. but you really liked her I really like. her still talk to her can't stop. thinking about her so she just doesn't. want to talk about that she doesn't want. and and I accept it now I love it now I. love that she's a guy you. know but she it doesn't sound like she. is a guy she's a hermaphrodite did her. [ __ ] taste like [ __ ] it's delicious. well what does it what does it feel like. it feels different like a guacamole no. no when you're actually having sex no it.

feels when you make it love it felt. great you know she has she has a. wonderful vagina she's a great girl okay. didn't you say something like on your. podcast that uh she was disconnected. with sex though she was a little she was. a weird she was a weird chick you know. okay but what are you what are you. saying though that it feel this is what. I'm saying so this is two months ago no. closure and in the two months I've. accepted that she's a guy or has male. parts no problem wow uh and she she. avoids the thing and she's text me last.

night she goes hey you know that little. piece I told you about and I go yes yes. finally closure she goes I was joking I. go this is why she's the best comedian. to [ __ ] drop a line like that on a. dude and tell the punch line 2 months. later while he's racking his brain I was. like [ __ ]. comedian that is you tell a joke that. has a [ __ ] punch line two months. later oh my God that is one.

possibility another possibility is she. decided to tell you that it was a joke. because you were pressing the issue and. you wanted to talk about a lot and that. was the best way for her you understand. that though it very well could have been. a hermaphrodite not that there's. anything wrong with a hermaphrodite but. it's not like you did some sort of a. chromosomal test you just she told you. something and you declared her the. greatest comedian ever or maybe it was a. hemorrhoid it could have been hemorrhoid. did they get them up though listen cist. you can get a cist listen guys there. ones that pop out when her little dick.

went into my dick hole it was the most. amazing feeling I ever felt in my. life we just hit a low. Point she easily could be a herit I just. didn't want to talk about it yeah I I. that's a good way to say I was just. joking how do you deal with people this. is a good question for you that say they. don't listen to you but they do say they. don't listen to you yeah they go I don't. listen to your podcast that's okay but. they know but they do and they like I. don't care you know no if you want to. listen listen if you don't want to. listen don't listen cuz I'm thinking if.

you want to tell me you don't listen. you're either doing it once you're. either trying to inform me like I don't. know what you do like just being normal. or you're being dismissive you know it's. possible that you could say it like in a. way that like David show I don't listen. to your podcast okay you know where. you're like whoa like I wouldn't waste. my time listening to you Fu but here's. the thing I talked about this on my show. and I'm thinking did she hear it and so. that's why she called me yeah but she. doesn't she doesn't like follow me on. Twitter or Facebook or any of this [ __ ]. and she really you know what sounds like.

it was a very strange thing for you and. almost indicative of like life itself. life itself is never perfect whether it. was a joke or not whether she really. forgot to tell me the punchline or like. whatever whatever the case I accepted it. well accepting it is there's definitely. nothing wrong with that but that's not. the funniest comedian on the face come. on Joe do someone though some you're. having sex what if it's most likely an. excuse what if your but it's not most. likely a joke what if your wife just out.

of tonight just all [ __ ] totally. serious said I used to be a guy and. you're like what are you talking about. and then she didn't tell you the truth a. month later that's pretty funny well. that's a that's a long like I guess it. could be I guess it could be funny you. know if you were the right guy and she. was the right girl and she said it the. right way I guess it could be funny. started crying go I never ever told any. d God damn it it also could be that. she's lying to you because she doesn't. like to talk about it and she really is. something like a hermaphrodite it's. possible too dude I mean unless you're.

going to go inovia if you're listening. out there baby don't say her name no. just said sweetheart in Spanish oh there. you go beautiful minovia um if you're. listening I hope you're not lying listen. it doesn't matter man I hope it wasn't a. joke listen you're not looking to have a. family are you I can't wait to I start. you looking to have a family right now I. I I'm starting to think about uh having. kids without the wife part well. or or freezing my sperm and doing the. whole surrat or whatever I don't know. just freeze the baby I want I I think.

I'm starting to think about having a. family MH but you. know like I said gay or not gay I hang. out with a lot of dudes and so like. Critter who I hang out with all the time. he's like [ __ ] you get a girlfriend I'm. G to have to have a girlfriend and it's. like what cuz then what kind of we hang. out logic is that because we hang out. all the time so I said why don't we just. share you could get Monday Wednesday. I'll get Tuesday Thursday. a he automatically offered up the first. three days I'm like you could get M you. could get the P hole I'll take the be. hole and.

uh come on Jo so many women right now. that are so angry no we'll find this. podcast is I don't think I would have a. problem by the way if the girl had a. [ __ ] boner I don't think I don't think. it would if she if she acted like a girl. she was beautiful you're such a [ __ ] BR. you couldn't even get hard for the. grandma you come on I'm not a [ __ ] D. like if I I mean if went to the bathroom. and cleaned up for. you the bottom line is you were enjoying. the experience until your perception of. who she was in the whole male female.

Paradigm shifted she became this odity. to you like a damag Goods this is all. this is no this is right was that it. right well this is the thing I need a. second and this is for like I didn't. like avocados growing up I love I love. them now too it took me a second it took. my mom's like eat this I go oh it's. green it's probably tastes like a. watermelon it tasted like [ __ ] I love. guacamole now uh I had oi sea urchin for. the first time I was like this is. disgusting it's my favorite food now it.

took me a second I get to China the. girls have thin mustaches I go what the. [ __ ] is that because they don't care. about waxing and bleaching I go that's. gross because it's not normal to me mhm. I'm in China for three months sort of. into it like it now um I'm started to. have sex with Arab women they have hairy. asses who grossed out H want to puke. sort of into it now just give me a. second give me a second you got a little.

dick inside your [ __ ] gross give me one. month to adjust I'm from America I was. born in Los Angeles I live in Western. Society I'm not used to dicks I'm not. used to hairy asses I'm not used to. mustaches but just I'm open-minded give. me a second to just open wider and. accept your mustache your hairy ass your. dick in your [ __ ] just give me a second. I'll eat the avocado I'll eat the sea. urchin. I you know like you weren't like avocado.

avocado tastes like [ __ ] I'm never going. to eat it again it grew on you it took a. second you know I hated it I spit it out. well I just realized it was just a. texture issue that the actual taste of. it was fairly Bland and in fact it has a. lot of health benefits but you're kid. and you wanty you want you want. watermelon you want fruit that tastes. good you know well the problem is you. find out about candy real problem you. find out something that gives you this. drug Rush right I mean kids that get. high on sugar like have you ever seen. kids eat cake they they they turn into.

[ __ ] demons they go riding around. mean they're on Crank that guy out there. eats more candy than anybody like it's. crazy well he's not a kid but but he is. sort of but you know what I'm saying. it's like it it's a clearly a drug so of. course they don't want to eat guacamole. guacamole doesn't give them that drug. they want that drug that comes from. those that you know those [ __ ] they. do that those powders those [ __ ]. things that kids eat where it's. literally a tube of sugar pix stick. crack open the end and you fun it's. drugs nerds nerds R crazy sugar drug I.

still get fun di so bad for you too they. say that sugar is just for kids almost. toxic sugar is just almost toxic for. you I I know but like like I'm saying. like all these. things you know I don't what are you. doing like have you ever been with a. chick with a really like a middle Easter. girl with a hairy butt yes and what did. you do you're like yeah well I was back. in the ' 80s people had hairy butts it. was a normal thing what's worse is when.

they have catfish whiskers and in. certain lights you can see it and you're. like H it's like but see what we're. doing now is that that episode of. Seinfield when he finds the one thing. wrong with like the chick has the big. hands or whatever and it's like you know. I had sex with this girl I go to the. bathroom we had sex in the dark and the. I turn the lights on to take a piss and. I look at the bed and her she has a. hairy ass I'm like that I'm going to. puke in the toilet while I'm pissing. right now and I go just slow down just.

accept that it's someone from another. culture you know like women I sleep with. a lot of women where I'm their first. Asian and they do the oh you have no. hair on your body I go yeah I'm Asian. like we are not hairy people you know. like it's like being with a girl I'm. like. cool how rude how rude yeah it's. interesting how porn has complet. completely triumphed in the area of uh. pubic dressing but it's back it's coming. back hard it is a little bit but it's. contrarianism for the most part people.

prefer a groomed area it's because HD. you know it's maybe they was before that. there was some trimming done before that. they want to H the bumps well it was. because when pornography became like. really prevalent that's what it is. pornography became really prevalent and. then along the way like people started. like looking at the aesthetic of you. know male balls covered in hair creeps. all the way up to your [ __ ] and girls. with giant crazy bushes that go to the. inside of their thighs and they just. decided to make alterations on porn and.

then people whether they admit it or not. right are massively affected by. pornography oh of course and then the. shift happened where I mean there's a. good percentage of the population of. this country at least that trims their. hair basically based on the aesthetic. that porn established defitely. definitely right yeah it's weird because. it's an untalked about thing it's an. undiscussed thing it's a denied thing. it's like it's a darkness that we just. like meanwhile they're getting billions. of hits every day or you just let it. grow oh I trim my shed well I have to.

trim it too because it also gets caught. in the hair and my balls gets caught in. my cup like and if you're doing. Jiu-Jitsu you know your shit's getting. long when your bald hair gets stuck in. your [ __ ] hair oh that's never. happened so it makes like a dreadlock a. taint. dreadlock yeah that's not good you need. better hygiene than that you need better. standards you need to not let it get. that to that point because I've been. because I've been naked around lots of. different men in different countries. because of prison or whatever it's like. yes when I when I'm when I was homeless.

here in America and I was showering at. 24-Hour Fitness then I'm like in a giant. shower with a bunch of men and like yeah. for the most part you look down for a. second and you're like wow people shave. their [ __ ] it's like okay cool then I'm. in prison in Japan and I you know it's a. bath culture it's not a shower culture. and I look down and I'm like oh wow. these guys don't shave their [ __ ] at all. well first of all porn in Japan it's. pixelated so you never really see. anything anyways what is the they pix.

like genitalia or pubes the whole area. just inser but they don't they don't. shave their [ __ ] down there so their. pubes are the same pubes That Grew From. when they were a kid so they have beards. their pubes are longer than their dicks. my goodness so I'm I get out of the. bathtub I'm you know I keep my [ __ ]. tight you know and I get get out with my. dick and balls hanging out and then. these guys come out and you just see a. black beard with like a red dot with the. tip of their dick and you're like oh it. looks like a cute like homeless guy you. know. like but yeah those things are all.

informed by pornography they don't watch. in Japan they don't watch American. pornography so of course they don't. shave their [ __ ] that's fascinating it's. coming back well it's fascinating though. that it sort of gets EST I would imagine. that bush is coming back I'm out on the. front line I'm telling you it's coming. back nothing wrong with it but like look. even bell bottoms came back no but it's. back right oh yeah definitely I mean the. almost like. I'd say five years ago every girl I was. with had no hair or like a tiny thin. strip of whatever uh now almost all.

girls have some kind of they probably. heard that crabs were going extinct and. they got sad they wanted to save the. crab grow your bush save the crab it's. cyclical you know well how come. everybody doesn't want the crabs to live. they want to save like wood owls I love. Seafood I love crustacean no the ones. that grow in your bush yeah I eat those. crabs like Daryl Hannah eats the lobster. and splash. little little tartar sauce a little uh. you know cocktail sauce go to Red. Lobster right after this what's it like. hanging out with de word because I know.

you guys are friends man and that's I I. I love them they must be very. interesting to do you ever paint with. them yeah I I've okay I first of all I. love those guys and do you know who de. word is oh [ __ ] yeah dude I love them. but I don't love one of their new songs. they got some new song you know they're. just going for it doing everything just. there was that [ __ ] you in the ass song. put a dick dick in your ass song I was. like okay what are you doing man what. the hell is this it's great I like some.

of his really earlier [ __ ] too they did. some really interesting early stuff but. do you hang out with a lot of artists in. general. comedians okay so comedians are artists. so comedians mean I have a few friends. that are artist artists artists artists. chefs most people that are highly highly. creative are sort of [ __ ] crazy. they're crazy crazy as as [ __ ] and then. and then you try to like do normal [ __ ]. with them and then you're like why are. they doing this oh yeah cuz they're. [ __ ] crazy well that's what makes.

them tick you know like every comedian. that I know is out of their [ __ ] mind. every single one and I love ninja and I. love Yolandi Ninja's one of probably the. most creative people like he'll do a. song and like he goes and then the park. goes like this and he'll sing every part. of the song and he goes and then the. music video is going to go like this and. he'll act out everyone's part in the. music music video and what the. lighting's going to look like and down. to the costumes and there's going to be. a lion and this and did you do you ask. for this or does this just like happen.

in the middle of a conversation he goes. he goes can I tell you like a quick. story how's it do it do it in his accent. you were about to you bailed out of it. can tell you a quick story about a South. Africa the best is he can do a perfect. American accent and not like a gangster. he was like you ever heard Jim Jeff hey. Dave how's it going um Jim Jim Jeff is. the Australian comedian has the the most. e American accent really like he does an. American guy and you're like yikes it's. too good it's like too good they can do. us apparently way easier than we could.

do them because we're speaking. normal not sure if that's the case I a. good I might what is normal can you. decide somewhere along the line that. your way of talking is better than mine. yes and the way that you do that is the. language of English is spoken in. Australia England England America and. people make fun of the Croc they do the. Crocodile Dundee yeah but England and. then you take someone you take a. Japanese exchange student who doesn't. speak English and you go learn English.

what are they going to do they're going. to listen to American movies they can. understand Americans they can't. understand British people they can't. understand Australians they're like I. don't what we speak normal like normal. people that's ridiculous everybody in. England who grows up in England knows. how to understand people from England. everybody in America everyone in. everyone in England can understand us we. can't understand them. a a thick thick British accent give me a.

[ __ ] break I'm like that is. interesting it goes hey what did you. just say he's like oh [ __ ] like but. if you were living there you would. understand him pretty clearly if you. were in his. neighborhood we're speaking proper. English Joe we're speaking I can like SL. I'm not I'm not like this I'm not like. trying really hard like so what we did. is basically the Brazilian jiu-jitsu of. English we took the original Japanese. English and we made it more badass with. some extra guard submissions and [ __ ]. how come how come when they have like.

some British movies sometimes they got. to put [ __ ] subtitles on that [ __ ]. because you don't know what the [ __ ] you. not me man I get offended if they have. movies like snatch and they put. subtitles I get offended like I want to. be trying to figure out you have to. concentrate yeah well I do when I. interview Fighters when I I've I've had. uh like Paul Kelly he's a gentleman I've. had an interview in the UFC Michael. bisbing guy from Manchester right these. guys have incredible accents my bisbing. has gotten like much better at speaking. in like a more clear he slows it down a. little bit but English people and uh.

Irish people they talk faster they have. a faster way of combining the words. together right I had a [ __ ] guy come. up to me and I had a conversation with a. dude in Belfast Northern Ireland we're. getting drunk at a bar there was a UFC. there and just me and uh Eddie Bravo. went down to this bar and we said let's. just tie one on with these Belfast. people and I think um. um Dave Bishop was probably there too. who's the local comedian that we did a. gig with this [ __ ] dude was talking. to me I didn't have a clue as to what he.

was saying we were hammered and he was. telling me how we fight he I the basic. tenant or the basic uh U script was I'll. fight any man he was just telling me no. letting me know he'll [ __ ] fight. anybody you know was I'll fight any man. sh you bring me I don't care I'll fight. any man I'll fight any man this I barely. could understand him it was like this. crazy game I was playing like staring. into his eyes struggling to comend his.

and this is like the [ __ ] everyone. always wonders about right you got um. you got the dude that's the Jax from. Sons of Anarchy you got all these actors. that have that accent right I'll fight. any man but then they're in movies and. TV shows speak or when they do songs. accent just magically disappears and. then they're back doing the interview. and it comes back so they could turn it. off they could turn that [ __ ] off now. when they're drunk in a bar and not some. dude who actually lives in Belfast some. local boxer is's ready to throw down and.

fight Eddie man would he fight me oh. [ __ ] yeah they want to fight those. people when we were in Belfast you're. driving around they have these cars. these cop cars that have bulletproof. windows and these giant metal plates and. bombproof like shielding all over the. car like their cars are design the cop. cars are designed to absorb bombs pull. up pull up some pictures of them Belfast. Northern Ireland uh cop cars bomb. protection they like to [ __ ] party.

it's a different kind of a world I mean. they went through some crazy [ __ ]. [ __ ] they went through a crazy War like. fairly recently right between you know. essentially people that are right next. door to him right Joe I got to ask you a. question okay David I like being scared. like I like thinking about how I'm going. to fight myself if guys are trying to. rape me I like doing a podcast something. I've never done challenging myself I. like trying stand up something I never. done before so I like being scared and. challenging myself me too never been in.

a professional fight I've used to fight. all the time when I was a kid I'm 37 now. I haven't been in a real fight in over. eight years now mhm if I wanted to have. one like shitty Pro undercard fight how. much training would I have to do you. would have to do a lot a lot like for a. year years years if you want to be safe. if you want to be safe well you here's. the thing you're not um in shape right. now you don't totally not in shape okay. do you do any kind of uh sport nothing. it allows you to move aggressiv you're.

in a lot of trouble how old are you 37. you're going to get hurt don't do it I'm. definitely going to get hurt no no no no. no no listen there's a there's a. Romanticism that people have about. getting hurt help you Jo I have no. problem getting hurt it's going to. change your thought process do you. understand this no like it's going to. change who you are as a human being like. you don't understand head trauma if. you've had I've I've been hid in my head. entire life I bet you've been head. trauma you've been really lucky I've. been in and [ __ ] man I bet you have I. believe you but it all works still there. could be at any point in time that could.

be the Tipping Point and head trauma is. just no joke and any unnecessary head. trauma that you want to introduce into. your life I always think is a terrible. idea and what I know is if there's a guy. who's 37 years old and never had any. martial arts I don't do anymore well I. don't even Spar I don't even kickbox. Spar I do Jiu-Jitsu Spar but I won't. kickbox bar because it's not worth it. you listen to me man you only can get. hit a certain amount of times in your. head right and if you think it's like. cute to go out there and have an MMA.

fight just because you want to. experience it it's it's [ __ ]. dangerous for I know I know I'm most. likely not going to win and I know I'm. most likely going to get the [ __ ] kicked. out of me but you don't want that man. I'm telling you I I understand that you. want my best friend asking me that he's. could easily rape me I would like to be. able to you're not going to beat that. guy you're not I met that guy that guy's. too big he's too big of a GU a guy like. that you're going to have to become some. sort of a black belt in Jiu-Jitsu you're. going to have to be able to wrestle him. to the ground so I I appreciate the. concern for the head trauma because I've.

had been extremely damaged in my head. before I've had been knocked out all. that [ __ ] yeah it's not [ __ ] awesome. I've been knocked out where I wake up. and I don't know who I am like that kind. of [ __ ] so I'm not under any like. misconception of it's like going to be. like a cakewalk or anything but I'm just. saying too many variables will you train. me no way no way I don't want to be a. part of it there's too many variables. you want to fight me Brian the here's. here's a bunch of the variables okay. you're in shape first of all you don't. you got to have to pick a guy right and.

you're going to have to pick a guy. that's commensurate I love saying that. word it makes me feel sucky what does. that mean means like similar like same. level I want to fight a guy bigger than. me okay what are you doing man what are. you trying to get hurt for you trying to. be a hero no I don't I just want to I. don't know look I know a dude who lost. his sense of smell he took a beating and. lost his sense of smell and it was just. a one two head kick combination. okay I'm fat I'm the most out of shape. and fattest I've ever been but I have. the X Factor I'm I'm ferocious okay I. won't good luck with that [ __ ] I won't.

stop you that's not going to help you at. all not even a little bit people think. that being tough is going to help you. I'm tough I'm ferocious that's just. going to get you hurt more that's just. going to means you're going to take more. punishment so then I'll tap out then if. I'm getting [ __ ] the [ __ ] kicked out. of me okay well then what happens you. you you got damaged to your brain have. you just tried bondage look if you fight. a guy here's my here's my my. recommendation in this area if you. really think about doing it if you want. to do it you want the same kind of. thrill you can get a very similar thrill. from Duna Jiu-Jitsu match or just. getting your butthole lick by old ladies. no cuz that you know when you tap out.

it's your responsibility when the. butthole thing is going on so you're. telling me to stick to just getting. massages by men well I just think that. it's not to be [ __ ] with head trauma. is not to be [ __ ] with right people. die man there was a kid in Ireland that. died uh really recently in a rugby match. right and he had had uh he got knocked. out a guess and then he got knocked out. again and died well here's the thing I. know for sure I have a glass jaw like if. you hit me in my jaw I knock out but my. entire life I I'm Korean I have a thick. head we have big heads right that's how.

you can tell Asians apart like Koreans. usually have bigger heads um big moon. pie faces no if you see like a Chinese. Japanese and a Korean we usually our. heads are a little bit bigger right I've. been kicked punched like like I've had a. lot of head trauma and it all for the. most part still works my memory is going. to [ __ ] a little bit but asides from. that I can [ __ ] can for the most part. function okay and I could see well. listen if you're willing to take this. chance and possibly alter the way your. mind works if you're going to be. intelligent about it because you're an.

intelligent guy what you would want to. do is dedicate yourself to martial arts. first before you ever actually do it and. it was it's going to take a long time. you're going to have to learn how first. of all to defend yourself and B you're. going to have to learn to be proficient. in something whether it's striking I. have my background is Judo I grew I grew. up doing Judo and I how good are you I. was I won a lot of awards doing what was. your belt what what belt did you get to. uh green or something I didn't I didn't. get a black belt but I won I won every. single Judo match I was in well that. listen you're not an amateur I'm talking.

about not a novice Joe I'm talking uh 15. years old was the last time my life yeah. but there's an understanding there like. you know I wrestled in high school and I. there was no punching in Judo but I. never lost I wrestled in high school and. I didn't do any grappling again until I. went to Jiu-Jitsu which is like almost. 10 years later right and uh I remember. remembered it like instantly it like. came right back to me because your your. body develops as a Young Man. understanding how to pin someone.

understanding how to Grapple and get. Gable grips and how to use your hips to. sprawl you just just comes back to you. and I think that like having that. background especially at that age 15. that's big learning something and. getting really good at it where you're. competitive at it when you're 15 that's. like such a developmental period it. becomes like sort of a part of who you. are as a person but the thing with me is. I my bones break easy oh Jesus so I've. and I just what the [ __ ] are you doing. man I just quit after whatever you know. like I broke my collar bone in Judo I. quit I play baseball I broke my other.

collar bone I quit I play football I. broke my ankle I quit it's like anytime. I break a bone I'm like okay that was. that you know well it's not hard to. break your ankle or your collar bone. doing any of those things whether it's. Judo or football or baseball that sounds. in line I mean it might not even be that. your your bones break easy it might be. that you're just a little bit too. ferocious. I'll hug the [ __ ] out of you no no but. you know what I'm saying you're like. going for it no I like when that's how. people injur themselves often my my. parents were like you have to or my dad. was like you have to learn some kind of.

martial art you're Asian you have to and. I was like we you know we we were not. into sports Bruce Lee at the bar we had. long hair we [ __ ] didn't we listened. to heavy metal we didn't care about. anything my you know it's like when a. guy has three sons and he's like yes. they're gonna watch sports with me. whatever we didn't [ __ ] give a [ __ ]. about we were nihilist we like we don't. care about [ __ ] and why is that I don't. know what happened we just we like we. would we would go to school like my dad. would take a a sack full of balls and.

just pour it out in front of us on the. weekends and go what do you guys want to. play softball baseball uh kickball. handball football bask he'd have every. ball and be like what do you guys want. to do and we're like nothing we don't. want to do any I don't know we just we. were just very like we don't care about. anything we don't when you look back on. like what turned you into who you are. today this sort of wild dude do you have. any one thing that like stands out as. being the the I don't give a [ __ ]. anymore there one there's not one um.

like incident but it's a combination of. racism uh humiliation and like just. never getting laid you know so just lack. of good experiences and a lot of bad. experiences just unbelievable amount of. anger you know like going to a school. where everyone makes fun of you for. being Asian going to some place where. every girl rejects you and then within. your own family having this insane sex. drive where just everyone just catches. me jerking off all the time like just.

the oh I'm sleeping well don't you think. though that when you're really young I. mean a humiliation like oh my God my mom. just saw the tip of my dick hard but. don't you think that when you're like. really young and really stressed out and. really [ __ ] up that that's almost like. a natural way to blow off the steam like. dudes who are troubled almost always. jerk off a lot yeah you know I I don't. know what do I what do I do in surveys. no say I'm there's no census attached to. anything that I've said here I'm just. talking [ __ ] no I know but you're right.

like I would go home and I just be full. of aggression and I'm like and I just. wasn't good at sports so I'm like I. don't even want to try this [ __ ] but. then when they told me in football you. could hit people cool and then like yeah. I don't even know how so you're angry. you wanted to hit people very angry and. the thing with Judo is i that's another. thing that my parents made me do I. didn't want to do it but it's like I. also didn't like people throwing me. around so when we got into it I was just. like I I don't care if this guy's a. higher belt than me whatever like I'm.

not g to let him pin me down you know. like as soon as he starts winning I'm. gonna go like I just went there I'm. going to go [ __ ] crazy and well what. you should do I became the pride of my. Dojo they sent me to all the tournaments. and I was like I was like The Reluctant. like I don't want to be here but okay. fine I'm here I'm going to win you the. pride of your dojo yeah I won every like. trophy thing for and then I broke my. collar bone I was like okay that's the. end of my is your collar bone okay now. my shoulders are a little smaller cuz I. broke this one and this one wow so you.

know the collar bones break and then. they heal like this right really yeah. they they they just heal next to each. other colar bones snap and then there's. no brace you can put on so you just hold. your thing up and then the bones just. heal like this over each other yeah and. so how much stronger or weaker is it. than it used to be I think they get. stronger but my shoulders are a little. bit narrower wow that's weird man that. could be worse though there's a lot. worse [ __ ] that you can break right I. I'm not scared of pain like I've been. burned I've you sound like a guy who's. doing his like interview thing for like. King of the cage you're about to no no.

like pain scared of pain pain is not. like oh with pain my whole life like I'm. not going to do something cuz I could. get hurt you know like that doesn't. bother me you know and and I'm not. scared to be humiliated either not that. what I worry about what I worry about. for people that don't have like an. extensive background in martial arts is. head trauma right there's you're not. going to know how to get away you're not. going to know how to not get hit is hard. you're not going to know how to protect. yourself well Judo all we do is for the. first few months learn how to fall down. so I do a that's good like jumping over.

someone and then tucking into a rle and. all that [ __ ] like you know I know. how'll fall down I'm worried about you. getting hit that's all right right I. mean it's part of MMA I appreciate your. concern and this this is something I'm. probably not going to do but just wanted. to throw it out to see if what your. thoughts on it I've seen people uh take. some serious punishment and change them. as a human being change the reality. their life impair their function it's. real no I I know that I've seen it. happen not just from MMA but I have a. friend who got hit in the head with a. golf ball and he wasn't the same for.

almost a year so he said for like six. months he was [ __ ] [ __ ] just every day. massive headaches and depression and. that can happen who hit the golf ball. some dude just he got hit with a line. drive right in the side of the [ __ ]. while he's playing golf we just sit at. his house he was on the golf course and. just a an errant ball hit him in the. temple and he got [ __ ] up man he went. down hard just like totally knocked. unconscious [ __ ] up for a long time so.

what I'm what my my point is like that. can happen from a kick too man that can. happen from a knee you could be diving. for a takedown and some guy comes up. with some flying knee and separates your. [ __ ] vertebrae right it's nasty [ __ ]. man you can get really really hurt if. you really want to do it though what I. was going to say is what you should do. is make it a vice thing have them follow. you with cameras start like a real thing. and have them check in on you every. couple months but do it in a way where. you're not going to hurt yourself go to. a gym where the fun in. that you can minimize the amount of.

damage you take with intelligence right. by actually learning some skills and so. if you really want to do will you have. me back on the show if I'm in a. wheelchair of course if I'm stuck I'll. have you back on the show if you you. talk to me through a thing in your. neck Joe I should have listened to you. you was so right when it came to not. doing MMA yeah I I'm not saying that. anybody should not do MMA I think that. if you're going to take risk risks it's. ridiculous to take risks that have in. within them the possibility of massive. trauma and and not do it correctly like.

you could get knocked out obviously look. Anderson Silva who's the greatest mixed. martial arts fighter of all time he's. the master he got knocked unconscious. anybody can the stuff you're telling to. me is complete common sense it's but. there's no but it's it's just it's. you're making sense right and and the. thing is it's you're telling me this. [ __ ] and it's not like oh man Joe's. talking crazy it's like you're being a. good guy giving me the wisdom of you. know all the stuff you've seen and learn.

okay yeah there is a butt but uh it's. weird like I just got um did you see the. Vice HBO series yes it's just like. suicide bombers you know Pirates like. all dangerous [ __ ] right right right. they asked me to be for season 2 one of. the hosts and I just got the assignment. list of things you know of places to go. and it's every single place I could die. you know and it's like there's nothing. about that and I don't know what this.

says about me but there's nothing about. that where I'm like oh I'm scared of my. life or you know I'll go anywhere I. don't give a [ __ ] you know. so well then you're the perfect guy for. the job cuz me I'm at home going boy I. wouldn't want to be [ __ ] David ch. right now well that's why when when the. things you the things you tell me about. hurting myself those things things don't. that's not a deterrent for me but I. guess dying is dying you're just dead. but being in a wheelchair is your you're. traumatized I would never want someone.

like me doing something to me that I. could do to me I would never want. someone planting a [ __ ] Shin on my. head the way I know I can do to somebody. I would never want someone kicking me in. the body punching me in the face the way. I know I can do to somebody I would. never want someone who knows how to. strangle me strangle me the way I could. do to me if I didn't know what the [ __ ]. I was doing so what I'm saying is if you. are going to engage in mixed martial. arts you got to get proficient at a. martial art in order to be able to. intelligently defend yourself CU if you. can intelligently defend yourself. someone who's good is going to really.

[ __ ] hurt you and there's not a. goddamn thing you can do about it it's. not going to be a fight man you think. it's going to be a fight but unless you. find someone who's a novice it's not. going to be a fight it's going to be a. Slaughter no unfortunately I'm better at. defending myself than being offensive. like it's that's all nice and good but. if you get a guy who actually knows how. to fight you're [ __ ] if you're not. careful and you go in there against some. Vision one all am who [ __ ] puts you. on your back in 3 seconds and starts. smashing your face with elbows from an. impossibly strong body that's been. throwing other bodies around its entire.

life and you just thought you're being. cute because you're an artist who likes. to [ __ ] chicks and you never work out. and you're like oh I'm just going to go. in there and take an adventure I'm like. [ __ ] I'm modern day keep going Joe. I'm getting hard right now you got to be. careful man is he sweaty I don't want. you to he's sweaty as [ __ ] dude if you. lick him you'll get pregnant you grow. ovaries if he drips his sweat in your. mouth yes it's a dangerous thing you're. you're involved with someone who you. know you have to be careful and make. sure that what you should do is take. another if you really want to do this.

take another person who's like you and. say hey let's fight in a year right and. let's do it. amicably let's get together and let's uh. let's let's both experience this and. it'll probably make us uh like each. other more Super what you just described. it was almost like a gay sex scene like. a little bit I'll do this to you you. I've seen it too many times man I've. seen uh people who think they're tough. guys go in there and get really I don't. think I'm a tough guy I don't think I'm. a tough guy I don't think I'm going to. go in there and like you kind of. described yourself as being pretty. ferocious and durable and really good at.

Judo and the pride of the dojo so. although you might not think you're a. tough guy you think you're proficient no. no well I I think I'm able to like. protect myself like from like getting. those things that's all nice and cute. you find someone who actually knows how. to fight right right you know you don't. know how to protect yourself just do it. you shut the [ __ ] up dude seriously I'm. trying to help the guy it it's just I. just I've seen it too many times and I'm. acutely aware of the possibilities and. what I can do is nothing I'm more scared. to go and it's something I've already. done now so I know what it feels like. I'm more scared to go in front of.

audience and do standup than I think I. would be to go and fight someone some. ferocious fighter that's cuz you haven't. done both if you did both you'd be way. more scared of fight I've been in fights. before Joe I've had the living [ __ ]. kicked out of me by like gangs and like. a bunch of people like I know what pain. feels like it's not like like I know. what it feels like to get knocked out. and then wake up a day later and not. know who I am like I've you know I'm. sure you do know that but you also know. that it's bad of course you know of. course I know that you know that's all. I'm saying man I just I don't like when. people get romantic about it because.

it's a part of it's not a ro it's almost. like something like the comedy thing you. know I I've done it three times now and. it turned out good but I didn't go in. there with that I was like oh I'm going. to bomb and people are going to boo me. and this and that and I'm prepared for. that you know right but it didn't turn. out that way but you know good yeah I'm. not going in there going I'm going to be. [ __ ] Eddie Murphy like you know I. have I've never discouraged someone who. wants to actually be a mixed martial. artist I've never discouraged anyone who.

wants to actually not Lear Mixed Martial. Tew I've never tried to discourage. anybody who wants to do something. dangerous but I I just always say if. you're going to do it remove as many. variables as possible there's always. variables in a a live fight you don't. know you could get hit by the first. punch and your just lights go out right. or you know weird injuries H weird. things can happen but you got to be as. prepared as possible in order to be. smart about it that's what I would say. and most Fighters retire around what age. anyways it's completely different I mean.

here's an interesting thing Bernard. Hopkins it's interesting because it. never existed before Bernard Hopkins is. the oldest Champion ever and he's the. light heavyweight champion today he's 48. and he's amazing he's still outboxing. the [ __ ] out of people and doing it like. just it's a thing of beauty I mean he's. a [ __ ] Artisan in there he has a. craft it's just like playing a guitar or. or being a painter he's got a craft he's. an artist at it he knows how to minimize. the amount of damage he takes he very. rarely gets hit and he knows how to box.

the [ __ ] ears off these young whipper. snappers but he's 48 that's awesome but. he takes care of himself right he's. eating right he's working out on a. regular basis he never allows himself to. get out of shape he's been fighting. forever and he's got these skills. developed over a longi of time he treats. it serious yeah I mean if I did this. [ __ ] I would treat it to toally serious. I wouldn't go in there fat I would train. like my ass off for how long if you like. how long would you want if you could do. a year you could get a lot done yeah but. you would have to make sure that you.

were matched up ethically that someone. is really a nice person like matches you. up with another guy who's you know at. least you have a chance I know you say. you want to go against a bigger. guy just someone your size all right. fine all right fine Yoshi Yoshi why. would you say that they're friends [ __ ]. yeah I don't know I wouldn't want to. fight Yosi Yoshi's got that to the death. look in his eyes Yoshi might take things. into the basement might he might invoke. the dark lord you might see some [ __ ].

Hellfire in his eyes oh man I just I get. sensitive about the one issue I don't. like to preach but there's one issue. that I get sensitive about and is that's. the frivol isation if that's a word I'm. not. Friz I'm not frivoling that I like Joe. I'm telling you like I'm prepared to get. hurt I know that [ __ ] I know I might. break something or I might get knocked. out unconscious like I know that I'm not. like saying it's going to be fine. whatever you know I'm not frivoling at. all I I understand you're just willing. to take that well you're you know you're.

you're in this world I thought you'd be. a good guy to talk to about this well if. you are really going to dedicate. yourself to it and you want to do it as. an experience I think a year is a good. amount of time it's just something that. I in the same way I started thinking. about maybe adopting a kid I just. thought also maybe I should fight for I. would say go over the fight first you. know that seems like less of a. commitment right you know if you get. [ __ ] up hopefully a body shot somebody. hooks you to the liver you just tap out. immediately I'm just going to stick with. the hermaphrodites you know what if you. get a hermite pregnant I mean it's very.

likely she could still get pregnant then. the baby could suck the dick on the way. out we we should. oh how dare you how dare you let's uh. let's look that up can a hermaphrodite. get pregnant. [Music]. Herrod well I mean if I was a her I. think most hermaphrodites the dick is. above their vagina right and I think I. think it's inside it's inside and I. think it's just like half the size and. it really doesn't like even if it gets. hard it's not like a dick it just little. I think it's not functional either like. it doesn't you know see I wouldn't mind.

that if the girl's cool and [ __ ] you can. you know it' be cute you can rub her a. little [ __ ] boner and be fun um there. is there's a porn store that has huge. clitorus can't remember her name but. like the dudes in the pornos always suck. her [ __ ] like it's a little penis okay. here's the question here's the. question's answered uh survey suggest. that functioning ovaries are fairly. common in the intersex pregnancy and. birth don't happen often but they happen. functioning testes are rarer but again. not completely unknown functioning. ovaries and functioning testies however.

plus functioning everything else um I. suppose I could propose one farfetched. scenario where it could possibly happen. but as a practical matter it's not get. out it says so it said what they're. basically saying is that there's. variables the same reason why there's a. hermaphrodite in the first place is. because there this weird variation they. there's a bunch of different levels of. that variation it only makes sense I. mean if you think about people are not. the same we're all different we all look. different we're all shaped different. we're all different sizes it just makes.

sense that we would have variations as. far as our genitalia go does she have a. period or does she just. fart great question that's another one. you should have not said see just run. those through the internet first before. she before she told me the punch line. Jes I really enjoyed this last month. thinking I was gay I really did I was. like not a punchline dude that's a. [ __ ] excuse It's not a punchline do. you understand you're you're trying to. rationalize that that's a punchline This. Woman's got a dick up there it's okay. though well it's just a joke she's the.

greatest comedian ever. LOL RF L Mao it's ladies if you're. listening it's a fantastic joke to pull. on your dude just tell them that you. used to be a guy or that there's an. extra piece yeah what if the dud jumps. right off a [ __ ] cliff and you're. like I was. joking that's why it's a Next Level joke. it's a Next Level joke next level. dude you're thinking incorrectly and uh. yeah I. mean uh my my mom is also like she came. to Mexico for the show and she's just.

letting me know you know my mom had. three children me both my brothers I'm. in the middle we're all in our late 30s. now no one's married and do you think. that's a like a rebound from the strict. Korean way of being raised me and all my. brothers are weird we're like weird. people always happen yeah like all of. our cousins they're all happily married. have kids they have normal lives like I. tell them my stories and they're like. Dave's weird Uncle Dave's he's you know.

right but aren't they weird too is. aren't people that are suppressed I. think every I think I think talking like. I think I'm normal and I know that that. sounds oh Dave's crazy he does crazy. [ __ ] and he thinks I'm like I think I'm. the most normal person cuz I just do I. live like how I think you're supposed to. live and then I meet these people that. just do what Society wants them to do. and it's crazy to me and they withhold. they live like [ __ ] [ __ ] well. human beings are pattern followers we're.

naturally pattern followers and we. naturally follow successful patterns of. behavior because those have been proven. to be effective so all of our concerns. and issues and insecurities sort of get. ironed out in advance by other people. that are successful right so when we. when we follow the society pattern. that's set up right now the society. pattern is you know get married get. divorced lose all your money get married. Stay Together have a family get married. you know. uh get married be super happy there's a. few different possibilities that can. happen to you there's a bunch of.

different ones right but you have to. follow like the natural paradigms if you. don't there's something wrong with you. and people who are following them they. don't want to be around you like. especially like wives I'm sure you have. friends that have wives that do not want. David Cho being around because David Cho. is talking about getting his butthole. sucked out of his his body by some crazy. look I got advice for people but it's. not for married people it's not for. everybody my advice is for people who. don't want to be like if if you you're. not giving advice you're giving out.

experiences that you feel are very. positive experiences people like to go. and people can learn from them yeah and. people go oh Dave's lucky he it's like. he won the lotto with the Facebook [ __ ]. and this that I'm like I've been. successful at everything I've ever done. I've made tons of money doing art. gambling it's like oh so that that was. all luck for people who don't know what. the Facebook thing is just in a nutshell. just spell it out real quick that was. something that I learned from gambling. that I brought over I had just gotten. out of prison and a guy named Mark uh. Sean Parker who started Napster had you.

know he was 23 or 24 at the time maybe. he was 26 but he was in his young 20s. and he' already started a couple. multi-million dollar companies none that. really made any money plao didn't make. any money Napster got sued for I think a. trillion dollars so this was his next. project and this whole time he was a fan. of my art he's like Dave. I got to get a painting from you like. you're a sick [ __ ] like me I need to get. a painting from you but I'm being sued. right now I can't afford it this and. that and so when Facebook came up he's.

like look there's this new social media. site that connects college kids and I. was like that sounds gay he goes uh and. we have some Financial backing so now I. could finally pay you to do a a painting. and I. said or if you want if if and he's and. you know he's an innovator he's like I'm. gonna [ __ ] this [ __ ] is gonna take. over the world this I'm Gonna Change the. World this is if if you don't want then. I could give you stocks in the company. and I needed money CU I needed to pay my. lawyers I need to pay all my.

ex-girlfriend my friends I need to pay. everyone back and I said I don't know. about social media I was never on. MySpace I was never on any of these. things I said you know what I believe in. this kid so I took the stock stock ended. up being worth hundreds of millions of. dollars so overnight that made me I. guess the highest living paid artist in. the world which is pretty cool but but. before that I was pretty successful at. everything else I did and uh why do you. think that is well I just came back from. this conference in in Norway of the all.

the top chefs in the world so I'm like. this is cool I like this I'm in a new. environment it was sort of like you go. with Bourdain Bourdain didn't go that's. why I went David Chang who has Momo fuku. in New York goes bourane please come. this year is talking about guts about. being brave and you come and Bourdain's. like are you kidding me I'm not going to. [ __ ] embarrass myself in front of the. top chefs I've been out of this game. like he's like Dave you should go and so. I'm like what am I going to do and I. just started thinking I want to start.

doing standup so Dave changen was like. Dave why don't you come I'm like you'll. be the first non Chef that's been asked. to speak at a [ __ ] Chef Conference of. 600 of like the top Michelin star chefs. and I don't know these people I get off. the plane and they're like Dave we're. going to eat at Nomo tonight you know. and uh or Nola sorry I said it I'm. [ __ ] [ __ ] we're eing at Nola. tonight I'm like oh noou and I'm I'm. like oh there's a no noou in Copenhagen. Nola is the [ __ ] number one voted.

restaurant in the world like four years. in a row like it's like an eating. experience you've never the guy that. runs uh Nola Renee is a [ __ ] like. Picasso of the cooking world I mean just. insane like like he'll put this in front. of you and you're like what is this and. it's like this is a rock that I just. [ __ ] with food that you would never. believe and so I'm here with these. highly highly successful people that are. like you know uh [ __ ] Dario Chini uh.

um [ __ ] I can't even remember all. their names Alex ATA from Brazil um they. all have the number one restaurant in. their City you know the guys in LA and. this for me it's amazing because Dave's. like you know we're not going to be able. to pay you we can get you out here but. you will never have to [ __ ] wait to. eat at any of these restaurants ever and. I'm like I'll do it just for that and I. get there and so I don't know who any of. these people are but they are the.

[ __ ] champions of the cooking world. and so I got to hang out with them for a. week and. it it's you want to talk about following. patterns of success I mean they first of. all they're all Angry like an insane. amounts of like this is the way you run. a restaurant why they challenge. everything they are [ __ ] Brave they. [ __ ] went for it like everyone said a. restaurant is going to fail the chances. of a restaurant staying in business is.

not that good and who's going to want to. eat a [ __ ] Taco that has Korean me. like you're they're challenging the norm. they're challenging society and and. they're all crazy challenging Society. with tacos just you know whenever you go. to a restaurant and you like well that's. the thing is I went there and I was like. I don't know I don't I don't even know. why I'm here so these guys are talking. about what do you mean you're there to. eat no it was about next level food like. how to uh it was serious it's like what.

food is doing to you mean the conference. the whole conference yeah okay I thought. you meant the restaurant oh well the. restaurant was to eat but then the whole. conference was like the [ __ ] shitty. food we're serving in public schools uh. like a guy that a speaker there was from. Somalia his restaurant had been blown up. like three times and he keeps opening it. so it was about all these it was sort of. like on a serious topic like the state. of food right now with overpopulation. and what that's doing to create like. dark snow and and just I'm like what the. [ __ ] am I doing here you know and it was.

super serious and they're covering like. real issues. about food and and and the world and. this and that and and then I just I just. went on stage and started talking about. how everything makes me [ __ ] that's all. I could do you know so you tried to do. stand up I I did standup and it was did. it go it went amazing like that's. hilarious yeah it was [ __ ] awesome. like I was I I puked before I went for a. walk and I was. like the girl before me was a. 10-year-old speaker that talked about. how she changed the way people eat in.

Africa off her off her blog and I'm like. I need to kill myself right now oh my. God she's 10 and she changed the way. they eat an AF yeah she started a Blog. about how people are starving and and. and everyone's crying and clapping and. I'm like holy [ __ ] I I was like I can't. go up there and try to sound like I'm a. food guy wow and I just talked about. things that give you diarrhea well I'm. Asian you know I didn't I grew up I'm. Asian I grew up in America I Asians. aren't supposed to eat lasagna they're.

not no why there's no cheese in Korean. food there's not no there's no cheese in. Korean food so you can't eat lasag so. thousands of years of Koreans eating. rice and soup and Korean seaweed and. [ __ ] Korea Pula wine they come to. America what did you say Brian Korean. Pooh wine what is that it's something in. Korea that's a a medicine Vice did a. thing on it where they where they take. uh the poo of a seven-year-old child oh. come on and they actually had a reporter. from Vice that had to take it and I felt.

so bad for her she was so nice about it. and she drank the Poo wine I don't know. about K I want to see this PO but. basically cut that off dude there's no. there's no you know all this [ __ ] that. there's that's part of American diet. like hamburgers spaghetti tacos all all. this [ __ ] we this is all new you know. this is all new so. so your genetics are not set up for. cheese so what do I so my entire life. I've had irritable bowel syndrome wow my. whole life my whole life a part of. anxiety is I'm gonna go talk to Joel.

right now live for I don't know an hour. two hours. whatever if I'm getting nervous I have. to [ __ ] like what I'm going to make this. guy live cut the thing so I have to run. so that gives me more anxiety and that. adds to the puking so did you cut Dairy. out of your diet I I love lasagna oh I I. can't stop you know that's just your. decision you love aagna more than you. love not [ __ ] yourself I love Comics. the same way you love Comics okay but I. grew up reading like Calvin and Hobbs F. I started with the funnies the the the.

newspaper you know like Garfield Calvin. and Hobs all that [ __ ] and so I was. obsessed with Garfield like eating. lasagna you know I'm like why why does. this cat eat Las you know because I'm an. Asian kid eating rice and [ __ ] kimchi. I forgot about eating Las I don't know. what I don't even know how to pronounce. it lasagna you know so lasagna I'm like. you know and and I don't know what it is. it's like a exotic foreign white people. food thing and then my aunt brings it.

one day and we eat the [ __ ] out of it. I'm like no wonder Garfield loves it cuz. it's cheesy and it's got tomato sauce. and what does it do it explodes out of. my ass it's like poison to me I can't. eat this [ __ ] I can't eat dairy I'm. lactose intolerant but it tastes so good. there's nothing in Korean food that. tastes close to that I mean we have. other delicious treats but nothing like. that so I'm like look I so but you were. will willing to take that just for the. delicious taste you willing to just have. to [ __ ] yourself do I do it even today.

now I mean my I I've had irritable bowel. syndrome so I've always looked it up on. on uh you know WebMD and [ __ ] like that. how it there's no known like cause for. it but they think it's most likely. stress you know so um but wouldn't it be. dietary well it's it's it's a. combination I have the IBS from like the. non-stop stress and then also the the. dietary part of it so yeah I've cut down. a little bit on the dairy but the stress. part A lot of it came from the gambling. from all the taking all these insane.

chances like I'll tell you like oh I'm. going to fight some crazy killer and I. might get this my [ __ ] kicked in. whatever like I'm cool like out here but. inside I'm like oh my God you know or. we're going to send you to interview. some Somali pirates and they might chop. your head off you know cool no problem. but inside I'm just. [ __ ] I'm just a [ __ ] mess so I. internalize it so as I've eliminated. less stress from my life I've the IBS.

has gotten better you know Jesus so. that's what I did my whole act on and. that and you know one of my friends. Harris whittles who writes for Eastbound. and Down he does stand up too and I said. dude I'm what the [ __ ] do I talk about. and he goes anytime you do stand up like. it's a [ __ ] cheap shot it's a. no-brainer [ __ ] stories always kills you. know so went up and I and and it did. like the people there were like I was. like all that food you guys serve me. makes me [ __ ] and you know I turned it. around I ended up talking about you know. how I'm in a different um uh practice.

than them but you know if you want to be. successful if you're not focused in life. is to be like a family person but if you. want to be the absolute best of whatever. your field is then you have to take. chances you can't be a [ __ ] you can't. be a follower you can't follow you have. to break constantly and challenge. yourself challenge the way everything is. you have to question things and it's. scary because no one else has done it so. [ __ ] yourself. you're questioning and challenging. yourself well that.

well that is the joke part but when it. was at its worst I didn't leave the. house wow that's so crazy I can't. believe you kept that diet up though. this is this was my day well it wasn't. just the diet it wasn't just well how. much of a variation did you give your. diet um did you ever cut out gluten did. you ever cut out Dairy everything. everything and just try to eat like. nothing but meat and vegetables uh I've. yeah I've done every different kind of. like I've tried nothing. helped uh you know I did just protein. stuff I've done I've done different.

stuff but at the end of the day it's. always the the stress that gets to me. you know what like what. stress feel like I'm in. therapy you out well I've been in jail a. lot of times which means I did a lot of. bad things so yeah I used to like. constantly be looking over my shoulder. so that's the stress that was when I was. younger than the gambling every time. every week I would put my entire life. savings on the line so it's like wow I'm. in Vegas someone else is like having a. good time going to strip club whatever.

I'm risking everything I've ever worked. for right now that creates stress wow. you know and how do you deal with that. today well I don't gamble anymore that. that just couldn't take it anymore it's. just it's just stupid there's no reason. for me to gamble when you have when you. made as much money as me it's just. [ __ ] to gamble right because you get. caught up and lose it all what's the. point you know and it can happen right. people have done that course especially. when you go to maau and they're like do. you want to [ __ ] bet bet with million. doll chips Oh my Jesus Christ like that.

makes me so nervous your dick shrivel up. into your body you know when I pass by. those tables in Vegas and I see someone. was willing to bet like $25,000 on a. roll of roulette you know I've seen it. happen just oh no that was me what a. crazy moovie that's the pink chips and I. I got to the point in Vegas where they. knew me and they would let me bet a quar. million Dan White won $77 million one. night in Vegas and he's he's lost as. much as a million you guys should get. together and make out well that I mean. that guy's made a [ __ ] ton of money. doing UFC and so to get his dick card he.

has to bet like that you know get his. dickard that's a that is a uh expression. for gamblers isn't it get his dick hard. yeah what's he gonna do sit at a table. and play $20 Blackjack like Nichol slots. well what is it about people that love. first of all UFC a lot of UFC takes. place in Vegas right yes so he's there. inas okay so that's office is in Vegas. and if he's an addict then he's. dangerously you know like that's a. horrible place to live yeah but he's. getting away with it because he's rich. and he makes a lot of money right and he.

figures out how to do it and he's good. at it well see in Vegas they cap you off. you know you can't bet like you can't. bet the way you do in maau well that's. one of the reasons why we stopped being. at the Palms they cut back his uh his. limit they cut back his credit right. because he was killing them yeah if you. if you have a [ __ ] ton of money if you. have a bank roll and you know how to. gamble you could [ __ ] knock one of those. casinos out and you know they'll [ __ ]. yeah it's a good feeling that's. hilarious man yeah that's so crazy and. dangerous and wild the idea of betting.

that much [ __ ] money so glad I don't. have that I don't have that at all no. well how did you think I got to that. point oh I'm sure I can get that don't. get me wrong you you you bet with your. life savings and win-win till you get to. the point where you're like oh now I'm. like those guys betting $25,000 a well. you're a smart guy and you also know. that that there's some there's some ways. as a gambler in quotes you could sort of. minimize the risks and it's by being. very intelligent about what you're doing. that's exactly what I'm telling you. about MMA fighting but with much more.

Everlasting repercussions because if you. get broke you're a smart guy you'll. figure out how to get money again you. you already know the drill you know how. to get rich but I'm not trying to be. like a like a professional fighter with. a long career I'm trying to have one. fight I understand but I'll tell you. what you get a f could kill me yeah. Thiago Alves and one fight change your. [ __ ] life right that [ __ ]. would change the whole rest of your life. with the couple of knes it's just you. got to make sure that if you're you're. fighting someone that they're like you a. guy who's not necessarily uh a lifelong.

expert maybe has a little bit of martial. arts and you got to get good at. protecting yourself against strikes. that's the big one because it sounds. like if you have a judo base you're. probably a really good Grappler Judo. guys are notoriously strong core. strength hard to take down I give. amazing Bear Hugs but the Striking. striking is a totally different thing I. have no will set you up fake you out and. drop a [ __ ] bomb on your noodle and. you're not going to like it I have a. weak chin I'll get knocked the [ __ ] out. one chin one knock right here I'm out.

don't do it man don't do it then trust. me but a grappling match you could that. that could be some hardcore [ __ ] you. could learn. Jiu-Jitsu learn Jiu-Jitsu get into uh a. school like train and train for a. grappling match and the worst case. scenario is you get Tapped Out you get. strangled you tapped out you're all. right you get an arm bar you tap out and. it'll be be [ __ ] crazy wild and fun. but you don't have to worry about the. lasting effects of head trauma it'll it. still is possibly and potentially very. dangerous but you'll minimize the risks. considerably when you take out striking.

I just tell people if you want to fight. that [ __ ] should be a solitary thing. there should be nothing else you want to. do in your life I don't want to fight. and be a bestselling author and be a. fighter pilot so what do you want to do. do you want to fight okay no there's. dudes out there that only want to fight. the day I decide that this is something. I'm going to do I'm not going to I'll. train and that'll be it that'll be my. life you should do painting too you'd be. like Moto mashi he was a great Samurai. who also did a lot of calligraphy and. painting he thought it was important. write poetry I mean I I mean the way I. throw myself in when I paint that's all.

I do I throw my like I'm like this is. you know there's always going to be. someone better than me but as far as I'm. concerned I'm going to do the best I can. and there's nothing besides painting. that's going to obsess we had a cool. conversation about work like last time I. was at your place you know like you go. through like these like spurt sometimes. just decide to just attack and just. start working but yeah I do that but. also the same same way like you know. when people are like I'm an artist I'm. like this is what I do like even though. I haven't painted like for four years I.

do something creative every day and if I. had to paint for a career like living. then I don't do the gay like oh I only. paint when I'm emotionally like move to. do it or when I feel like it like. whether I feel like [ __ ] like it's a. real job I show up every day every day. repetition paint a horse paint it a a. thousand times it'll get better it's. like it's a real job I paint whether my. girlfriend dumped me or whether she's. sucking my dick or whatever every. [ __ ] day you paint no matter what no. excuse that's a beautiful statement.

right there that people should take that. and make a video of it don't be [ __ ]. gay just don't say that man say that the. gay as in like I don't I don't feel uh. like I know what you're saying I need. inspiration [ __ ] your inspiration but. it's you shouldn't call it gay okay you. force yourself way you force yourself. transgender don't call it that either. dick um yeah well gay isn't glorious and. amazing yeah yeah.

youo um I know what you're saying I know. what you're saying it's um I I I I feel. where you're coming from you're like. you're it's a call to Arms get up and. work get get your [ __ ] done and if. you're a professional you do it every. day and that's how the work gets done. and don't be a wimp don't be a [ __ ]. don't be weak don't be a [ __ ] shouldn't. say don't be a [ __ ] [ __ ] is amazing. it's one of my favorite things yeah but. don't a [ __ ] why would you would be. something amazing it' be something I. want to lick lick myself all day it's. not it's it's just it seems wrong to.

call someone a [ __ ] and that means it's. he's a bad thing I'm not trying to. change the language here right it works. it's better than [ __ ] but when they say. don't be a [ __ ] are they talking about. like a [ __ ] cat like a cat is that. working what are they talking about I. don't know talking about that fat [ __ ]. Garfield lasagna and [ __ ] gave me. irritable barel syndrome but it's. like for for success and [ __ ] like that. like especially with music or art or. something creative it's like it's easy. to be like I only feel inspired it's.

like [ __ ] that. repetition put in the time discipline MH. you know put in put in the time like. yeah force yourself whether you feel. like it or not you know that's that's. the way you do it you're dead right. you're dead right that that applies to. Comedy it's training it applies to. Comedy it applies to martial arts it. applies to and that's why when I paint. something like in two seconds it's cuz. I've already painted it a thousand times. you know. so I don't want to be a dick Joe but I. have to actually run back to the other.

side of La over and I have to get uh a. painting done dude we're out of time. anyway there was it was a lot of fun man. you were fired up today dude you could. tell you've been doing a lot of podcasts. you're a different person am I you got a. lot of [ __ ] to say now you're an animal. man when you get comfortable you get. wound up and you just [ __ ] fire off. is the show over so show's over show is. um it is right now uh 612 does it do you. just end it whenever you feel like it we. end it whenever we feel like it we don't. have any producers man I got to beat. traffic and beat that traffic son I'm.

going to bribe uh Aubrey Plaza into. being my best friend who's that she's. the actress from uh are you doing shout. outs right now you giving someone a. shout out no I got to how dare you she. wants a painting for me and I said for. for you to get a painting from me you. got to be my best friend thanks to. stamps.com use the code word JRE on. stamps and save some money thanks to on. it.com use the code word Rogan and save. 10% off any and all supplements all. right you freaks uh we'll see you next. week yeah yeah absolutely everyone.

thanks for listening to Joe Rogan show. if you like this [ __ ] oh this is my. first commercial I got a show called. double vag double anal sensitive artist. that's DVD asa.com go listen to it. that's my show um if you guysa and if. you guys like the early episodes with. Yoshi he has his own show called Yosi. she didn't go listen to that show and. that's all I got to play air.com and. Aira my beautiful co-star all right. beautiful party people we'll see you. guys next week everybody have a good. time this weekend oh we'll be Friday. night we'll be at the uh the Ice House.

[ __ ] around that little room if. you've uh ever been to the ice house. there's that little tiny room there and. uh I'll be there Brian who's who else is. there uh we got fem uh Justin marale uh. got a couple other people that place is. the lab that place is where we do our. best [ __ ] around to come up with new. material it's uh really small it's only. like 80 people and it's a lot of fun all. right so uh that's the ice house Friday. night and uh all right you [ __ ]. beautiful people yeah go ahead the date. November 2nd November 2nd I don't know. what I'm going to do then but it's going.

to be that's the year last year November. 2nd I took over the Reddit I'm going to. maybe do something weird like that again. so just don't know what I'm going to do. yet so you're giving out oh pay. attention to me November no pay nice. yeah all right something crazy all right. Party People thanks everybody love you. see you soon byebye. [Laughter]. [Music].