Joe Rogan Experience #345 - Bryan Callen

You dirty freak. [ __ ] God, we missed you. We missed. you so much. We're back, ladies and. gentlemen. Um, this episode of the Joe. Rogan Experience podcast, also known as. the Brian Redban Experience, is brought. to you by Ting. Powerful. Um, yeah, powerful Reddit. That's uh that was. awesome, guys. That's pretty badass. Yeah, it's it's cool. Internet. communities are [ __ ] amazing. Yeah, we live in awesome times. You know, just.

memes alone, I mean, how many funny. [ __ ] memes do you get to read every. day from really, you know, anytime. anything happens, you know? Science is. like really neat or really amazing. That. Bill Burr one, I saw that like a hundred. times. Oh, I know. Whatever the quote. was, the ridiculous quote. Science is. great. Isn't science incredible? Something like that. I don't have Bill. Burr's phone. I was trying phone number. I was trying to get a hold of him. because I wanted to get him and Cara. Santa Maria tonight together to do a. podcast. Well, if he's around, I I'll. give you I'll get you his number or I'll.

ask ask him first. That's the proper. thing. Do you not like it, Brian Ken, when people give away your phone number. and you get a phone call and it's like. blocked and you pick it up, it's some. goofball wanting Yeah. to talk to you. and you're like, well, when when Jimmy. Burke gave out your my number on your. podcast, I got like 15 calls. But it's. funny because the guys have all been. really cool. I I was like, look, don't. you don't abuse my number. They'd be. drunk like, "Hey, Brian Kelly, what the. [ __ ] man?" I was like, "All right, young guys. All right, guys. I remember. being you. So, yeah. Almost. Look, 99.9%.

of all people are cool. I mean, that. sounds crazy, but dude, I get my number. out on the road when I when I'm when I. want people to come. Sometimes like they. help me out in a car rental. I'll get my. number. I'll go just call me. I'll give. hook you up with free tickets. Not once. have I had anybody abuse it. Not once. Yeah. No, most people don't. Most people. are cool about it. But I used to I. [ __ ] up once and twittered my number. Jesus. [ __ ] I remember that. you. It's. a whole different story. I was trying to. tweet to somebody else. I forget. I was. trying to send a buddy of mine my.

number, my new number. Yeah. Who was. that? I don't remember who I did is. I. [ __ ] up. Instead of hitting the the. reply to a direct message, somehow. another was a tweet, a regular the other. day. I had I got a number from Jamaica. and I was like, "What is this? I got to. answer it." And I swear to God, I I'm. not exagger I'm sure a lot of listeners. have probably gotten this, but I. probably had everybody goes, "Yeah, yeah. Looking for um you've won a prize. really terrible. I was like, I have. because you won $2.5 million. I just. need some I just need some uh some tax.

money from you. I have to pay about 1%. of that. Then you can have the money. Can I can I give you your tracking. number now? I was like, "Yes." And he. goes, I go and he goes, "Can you read it. back to me?" I read it back. I go, "This. is exciting." I go, "How much did I. win?" And he's 2.5 million. Congratulations. How do you feel? I feel. amazing. This is incredible. He goes, "All you have to do is just now we're. going to have to you have to pay the. international tax. That's all that is. So just uh I go, "So I only have to pay. 1% of $2.5 million, which I think is. $250 million,000. I don't know. I'm.

really nervous. I'm not sure, but but. that's all I got to do." No, just in. fact, I'm going to ask you for $25,000. How does that sound to you? I go, "This. is incredible." And he goes, "All. right." And then he gives me a bunch of. other information. And I'm like, I'm so. excited. I just feel like I I don't What. did I do to get this? He goes, "You. entered that sweep stakes, the worst con. job in the world, right?" And finally, I. go, "Let me ask you a question. How. [ __ ] stupid. I should have, but I was. I was eating at a PF Chang. I was like, how [ __ ] dumb do you think? He goes.

bomb and he just hung up. He just swore. then PWA a bunch of like PWA English and. just Oh, he said mean [ __ ] to you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he's mad that he. couldn't scam you. But I mean, be a. little better at scamming than telling. me I won a huge prize. What's incredible. is that that works. It does. I mean, it's incredible. I don't I do not. remember who was telling us, but someone. had a friend that uh god damn, I wish I. remember who the hell it was, but. anyway, he was saying that was it Ari? Was it Ari that told us this that he.

knew a dude that thought I think it was. Ari knew a dude that thought he um won, you know, some crazy prize like this cuz. he got scammed by these Nigerian guys. and they started getting really [ __ ]. like, "Yeah, you guys wait till you see. what I got coming." Like, and they were. like, "Oh my god." And you were saying. all this while you're getting scammed by. these Nigerians. Well, Nigerians set up. fake offices and and a lot of them are. lawyers and a lot of them like are. really educated and so they'll set up a. fake they were they were swinging big. Wall Street guys for a while. Oh my god, it's so crazy. For cash for cash because.

the Wall Street guy get greedy and say, you know, you won't have to pay taxes on. this. Well, but they'd have these. offices. They'd have all set up. They'd. have it'd be with Nigerian Oil. They'd. have a company, a subsidiary. And there. was a big article. Scotland Yard was all. over these guys because and the FBI. because they wiped out they really did a. good job. They they they had some young. guys who were traders give them $2. million. God dies. This one guy. mortgaged his house and he killed. himself. He window.

He realized it was a lie. God. God. Some people can just get What. they would do is they would give you. money. They would give you they'd do. something like give you money and then. you would give them legit money or. something whatever it was. There were a. lot of different things they would do. and you'd get home with this money in. some cases and I'm I'm not I can't. remember the exact story but the money. was a fake die that would wear off like. in the movies, you know, like it was a. some kind of a fake I don't know. I have. no idea, but it was just they realized. that they were they were white that that.

they had been scammed of a million. dollars and jump out of the [ __ ]. window. Commercials are a necessary. evil or a necessary evil. Unnecessary. Um, you have to pay for bandwidth. We're. almost we're almost at high speed. bandwidth, folks. This week this week. Yeah. Hopefully it's all done. So, I. know the uh people complain that the. Ustream version looks kind of poopy, but. we we can't really show you high. If we.

showed it in higher definition, our [ __ ]. would crash. It's whack. Besides, I'm. I'm pretty striking and eye defaf. He's. He's beautiful. Yeah, I have tight skin. This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience. podcast is brought to you by Ting. Uh if. you've never heard of Ting before, you've never heard us talk about it, it's an excellent alternative to a lot. of the uh What is that guy doing? Is he. smoking some money? Smoking some weed, man. What the [ __ ] is that? It's a. spoon. Whoa. That's a spoon. And there's.

Brennan Walsh drunk. Brennan is hammered. with his phone. He's in love with his. phone. He thinks it's a person. Is he. selling? You know what? Brendan right. now is texting a guy that's pretending. to be a girl. That's what's going on. right there. That's why he's in love. He's making hilarious tweets right now. Um Ting has all the high-end Android. phones. If you um you know, like we've. talked about this before on the podcast, uh unfortunately, there's no other way. to say it, but if you used to back in. the day, if you had a smartphone other. than an iPhone, you were a fool. Like.

you really were a fool. Like if you had. one of those Blackberry Storms. I had. one of those pieces of [ __ ] It was. terrible. Dove David off held on to his. till like last year. He called me up. last year. He goes about a year ago. He. goes, "Dude, this iPhone's fantastic.". Oh, is it? Oh, really? Hey, you heard of. this new thing called Cars, you [ __ ]. idiot. Or are you still riding a horse? For the longest time, if you had. anything else, it was poop. But now, not. so much. The uh the Samsung's actually, for the first time ever, they're out out. selling the iPhones. these these the.

options of the larger screens. The. Samsung Galaxy S3 like look at the. difference the size of the Brian screen. with the cat on it. The other cat. the [ __ ] cats the cool death squad. cat. I mean that is goddamn enormous and. they're really fast. I had an old an old. early version Android phone and it was. kind of clunky and shitty but this uh. Samsung Galaxy S3 is amazing. And then. there there's an S4 that's coming out. now, too. Um, and they also have what's.

even cooler is the Note. That note is. amazing. What is that? Oh, it's [ __ ]. huge. It's this 5 in phone. You can. write on it. Really? Yeah. It's like. they're like [ __ ] computers. They're. tablets and phones allin one. One of my. first memories of you when we first one. of the first times we ever hung out is. we I came out to see you and I had no. idea you were such a tech nerd. Yeah, like this fighter like you know this guy. I talked to and we were we went looking. for pitbulls. We're idiots, right? So, but you were like so techy. I come and I.

see these computers who were on the. internet. I don't know what the hell. that was. And then you go, "Hold on, I. got to go to this." We go to fries or. something. And you get memory and you. pop open your computer and you put. memory chips into your computer like you. did it yourself. And I remember being. like, "This dude's a genius.". I made that computer. I didn't even own. his computer when you did that back. then. That was like in the 50s. For a. while I was I would make my own. computers. I was proud of that. Yeah. Yeah. He was he had a he was back in.

before anybody. He had huge computer. screens. Like you had a whole room. Well, I would buy monitors and then hook. them up as computer screens. Do you. remember the first time before I before. I knew you could get [ __ ] on the. internet? He's I hear him going and I'm. like, "What are you doing?" He goes, "Stay out. Stay down." And I'm like, "Why does he keep me out of his computer. room?" I'm like, "Stop laughing. What?". And he and he and he goes and he come. you come running at you. And I go, "What. are you doing?" He goes, "Okay, run in. there and look now." And I go running. and I hear you going and as I go, I see. this ass on the screen. I'm like, "Why.

is that a big ass on the screen? This is. like weird." And all of a sudden, I see. this Japanese guy with his hair pulled. back like a samurai. And he's going. a Yeah. a underneath the ass. And I go, "Okay, I guess he's going to eat her. ass. Whatever." Uh, guess what? Here. comes some poo, ladies and gentlemen. And and the guy starts he starts eating. poo out of the girl's ass. And Joe's. going he's laughing but going. and you made him wait so it would.

download. That's what it was. Well, actually I I had a T1 installed in my. house back then. I remember that. Oh my. god, it was so Yeah, I was such a. [ __ ] I had a T1 line installed in my. house. I used to ask you to go to. pitbull websites just so I could look at. dogs. was that that must I just had to. throw away a lot of my old computers and. it was so sad cuz like you would go. through and look at all the video cards. and look how cool they looked back then. and they're just [ __ ] now. You know, your iPhone's a million times faster. than that video card. It's really. incredible, isn't it? If you think about. like back in the Quake 2 days, like.

Quake 2, I used to have um what was. called uh two video cards in SLI. formation. Mhm. Meaning they're both. linked up. You have two separate video. cards and they link together through. this computer cable and it doubles your. your bandwidth as far as uh for that. too. You drag me to the computer to get. to get [ __ ] handles or guns for the. Quake thing like the special kind of. handles. I was like No, no, no, no. You. play Quake with a mouse and a keyboard. Oh, really? Well, there was something. you were playing where I had we had to. get Oh, there's a while. Yeah. You know.

what? I had the a controller called. something 3D and it had a track ball and. a a gun on it as well. It was really. cool. It came with him. He's like, I got. to get this. Yeah, but the track ball. was just not quite as accurate. There. was some guys that were like really good. with that controller. But the thing was. about that controller, it was very. controversial because you didn't if you. learned how to use that controller, then. you wouldn't be good at the mouse and. the keyboard, which was like widely. accepted by almost everybody to be the. most accurate way. Like some guys got. really good at using a controller, but. they were still [ __ ] themselves by.

not just going with a mouse and a. keyboard. Would you do a would you do a. live Quake match in front of an audience. versus Kevin Pereira? Yeah, sure. Yeah, that would be fun. In Comic-Con 2019? Well, if I can. I mean, it it all. depends on if if I can. But you have to. train for it. No, that's the problem. The problem is if I started training, I. would get obsessed again. Yeah, but you. But Dude, you don't know the rush. No, he gets crazy. The rush of getting. really good at Quake is It's so intense. Yeah. Because you're playing in these 3D.

games where you're running down. hallways. You have a variety of weapons. on you and you're chasing [ __ ]. trying to kill them and when you kill. them they splatter. You're shooting. rockets at them and it's all in real. time and the graphics are amazing and. you're seeing it through a firsterson. perspective. either you're seeing a gun. in front of you or you're seeing. crosshairs in front of you, but you're. manipulating the character. And the. better you get at your hand eye. coordination and your understanding of. maps, the more effectively you could. just [ __ ] people up. Like there's like. many, many, many, many levels in video. game skills. And I never got really.

good. I got good for a regular person, but I never got like really good, but I. played some really good guys and just. got slaughtered. Dude, when I was doing. my uh when I was doing uh hang not. hangover uh Ride Along, that movie I. shot in uh in Atlanta with Ice Cube and. Kevin Hart, I would go into Kevin Hart's. uh trailer all the time because it would. just hang out and he's hilarious. And. he'd be he and his buddies would be. taking that Madden basketball game so. [ __ ] seriously like serious like.

serious like real competition, real. games and and get pissed off at each. other if they lost like and they're. really a tight group. They love each. other, but they it was war. That [ __ ]. game was war. I come in, hey, Kevy be. playing. I wouldn't even he. could They're addictive, man. Yeah, it's. super addictive. I I don't [ __ ] around. with them anymore. I still play pool. I. don't [ __ ] around with video games. anymore. But I am still addicted to. technology, which is why, like I said, we uh we're we're really into Ting. Tim. Ting provides uh is not just the. greatest Android phones available, but.

we also they also provide um. contractfree cell phone service on a. major network. It's on a Sprint. backbone. So, it's not like, you know, you're not you're not on a mom and pop. network. You're on, you know, a huge. network. And you can do that with no. contracts. And the way uh Sprint has it, not only are there no contracts, but. they give you credit on unused service. So if you use less than you thought you. would on Ting. Yeah. You said Sprint.

Did I say Sprint? Yeah. Well, they're. using Sprint. Yeah. But the Sprint. doesn't have the thing. Yeah. Well, don't go to Sprint. Go to Ting. Jesus. Christ. Who Who lets us get high and do. commercials? Huh? I want to know. I. don't know whose idea that was laughing. cuz they're so meandering and so long. But they're awesome. Um Ting. Um anyway, go to rogan.ing.com ting.com and uh you. can save yourself 25 bucks off of either. one of their phones or um one of their. or or their service. And uh what I was. saying was that Ting gives you credit on.

unused service. So if you use less than. you thought you would, TING actually. drops you down and and credits you the. difference on your next bill. I mean. that's that shit's unheard of. Companies. never give you their money back. That's. but it's the ethical way to do it. And. what they realize is you can still make. money and and provide people a great. service and you know you don't have to. [ __ ] people over. You don't have to rip. them off and you can do things in a. generous way. And that's that's how Ting. operates. And I I love that. I think.

it's it's a it's a great ethic. And when. you see a company that has, you know, that that's how they're they're. operating their business. It makes you. feel good about being connected to them. It makes you feel good about about what. what message they're they're projecting. You know, I was I was thinking about. that like the ethical, you know, I just. got sponsored too by Ting. Um, the Brian. Callen show, powerful Brian Show, the. Brian got some good guests. Um, not to. mention the 10-minute podcast. But, um, the the Ting I I when when they came to. me, I said to myself, you know, I knew.

they were a good company through you. So, I was like, that's great. But then I. thought, you know, if you get sponsored. by a you know, somebody wants to offer. you a lot of money. say your podcast. becomes huge and somebody it it and and. sometimes companies can become so big. and you're not sure where their. interests are or what they're doing. It. it really does kind of raise some. questions. I I don't want to be. responsible for supporting or or. shelling a company that doesn't have. ethical practices. You know, it's a hard. one though. Well, you don't have to. anymore. There's there's plenty of. really good companies. And I think be I.

I think a lot of these companies also. operating on the internet, the internet. is it's it's pretty transparent. It's. not it's not difficult to compare rates. and services and yeah people know now. you know it's like and they also know. that it's you talk every company doesn't. have to squeeze every last blood out of. you you know right when you have. something that it's required a service. like cell phone service it becomes that. weird creepy thing where they they've. got you [ __ ] need them okay you know.

you need them that's right you need them. McDonald's says that they have they. never treat anybody but like a hamburger. Meaning, so you go and say, "I don't. like my hamburger." They'll give you a. free one. Why? The hamburger, a lot of. people say, "Well, you walk in and. you're not a $2 hamburger." The average. customer in McDonald's spends, I think, about. $53,000 over a lifetime on McDonald's. They're loyal customers. So, when you. walk through that door, you're you're. worth $53,000. That's an interesting way. of looking at it. So, they treat you. like a person, not a hamburger. They. don't treat you How about just do it. because they want to be nice? How about.

that? How about McDonald's? You [ __ ]. [ __ ] number counting [ __ ] That's. ridiculous. How about you just do it cuz. you're nice. Don't treat someone like. they're $50,000. Treat them like they're. I do think that some companies like uh. Starbucks from what I understand is very. responsible socially. Like they they're. very intent on using the money they make. power to to you know to it's a big. responsibility and I think that you're. right. I mean just how about doing it. because it's the right thing to do. Yeah. I just I you know it just makes me. happy to work with companies that I know. are not douchy and so that's how I feel.

about TING. Go to rogan.tting.com. Save. yourself some money. Um, also we're. brought to you by Squarespace. And. Squarespace is one of uh our newer. sponsors. If you've never been uh and. don't know what it is, Squarespace is an. all-in-one inclusive platform online for. the average regular everyday schmo like. you or me, son, to go and create their. own website. And it's pretty [ __ ]. badass. And uh you know when I first got.

my my very first website, a dude named. Menthol created it for me. Menthol did. most of my websites. Have you talked. about it? No, I got to get in touch with. him, man. He he got he got super busy. He got a lot of things going on. His. personal life, too. He was a a guy I. used to play Quake with. In Extreme. Detriment, we had a Quake clan and he. train you. He can train you for this big. event. Your name was Extreme Det. He was. always a little bit better than me when. we played Quake. O was just a little bit. better than me. He was good. He played. really good. We could have a comedy show.

and a podcast going around you while. you're playing. I am terrified of It. sounds so ridiculous, but I'm terrified. of becoming addicted to uh playing video. games. Well, you get excited about I. don't even know addiction. You just get. I love when you get really excited. One. time I remember you were like you were. like we were we were like 30 and you're. like look at this t-shirt. It was a UFC. t-shirt. It's like a fight t-shirt. And. look at this. It's a race car. And then. look over here. I this thing this is a. workout. It's a book and and then you. just there was a pause and you go I'm.

12. It's so [ __ ] great cuz we were. all looking at you like I know we're. kind of idiots too but gez this is a. little overboard. You get really excited. over a design on a t-shirt dude. Dude, I. get really excited about the newest. video games coming out. I've always been. very childhood. Yeah, but you could just. replace your pool obsession with your. Quake obsession. Then you'll be home. with the kids more. I don't want to do. it. No, I'm not. I don't go I I play. pool maybe one night a week if that. Do. do you remember when we were we were. hunting and and I remember I think you. said or something I was like I don't. need a lot of sleep out here because.

because we were we're we're so not like. I really the amount of stimulus we're. exposed to. Yeah. We're inundated. It's. crazy colors. We're not designed for. this. That's for sure. We're we're. designed for what you experience when. you go camping. That's what we're. designed for. We're designed to take in. nature. We're not designed for time. square. the the human body does not know. what the [ __ ] to do with Times Square. The human body sees giant billboards and. just. goes right. Your whole system is out of. whack. You're like, "What the [ __ ] am I.

even looking at? What am I what am I. looking at when I'm going to the movies? What am I looking at when I'm what am I. dealing with when I'm listening to. songs?" That the input that we receive. today is we're not designed for any of. this [ __ ] Our body's not caught up to. what technology can do. Nope. You [ __ ]. That's why they there's one theory about. autism with kids kids who have. hyperactive u you know minds and and. central nervous systems that maybe we're. evolving we're literally evolving with. technology because you know I totally.

believe that I totally believe that it. makes sense. I mean I think it's. terrifying for people because we we love. our emotions but I think the reality is. we're probably going to eventually. outgrow them. Oh [ __ ] Did I say that? I. was having fun. Hope alive. Squarespace, you dirty fox. Keep hope alive. This was. supposed to be an ad. I'm making a. website right now. You went off the. rails. Pretty cool. You could just uh. pretty much pick a theme uh what you. want your website to look like out of a.

bunch of different things. And then like. if you're watching right now, I'm just. pretty much uh making a website as you. sit here talking to me. Yeah. Yeah. It's. ridiculously easy. So, you just hit this. to change the title. Look at Look at. this. All right. When she's title, I. [ __ ] love it. I want to do it. I. should trade create my own website. I. want I want Dolphin Butthole. And that's now the name of That's now. your new website. Yeah, it's my new. website. I like it. That's a good That's. a catchy blog title. I want Dolphin. Butthole. I mean, who could forget that?

You're like, that guy's got something to. say. I did a uh podcast. squarespace.com/joe. Go there. Look at. that. Now it's No credit card is needed. Um, but if try it out and you can start. building your website and then if you. decide to purchase Squarespace, you. could use the offer code Joe 3 and get. 10% off your first purchase on new. accounts, including monthly and annual. plans. Um, Squarespace has builtin.

uh, e-commerce abilities that's really. uh, badass and and easy to use. super. easy to set up your own online store. You could do it ridiculously fast and um. they offer 247 support, responsive. design, your your site will look great. on any device. Like you can have it on. an iPhone, an iPad, a computer, it's. going to look sweet. They they know what. the [ __ ] they're doing. I mean, it's. it's really incredible. The this used to.

be so hard to do. My god, making a. website at one point in time was just. completely outside of the realm of my my. even thinking. Brian just made a. website. Okay, look, I want dolphin. butthole. There it is. Okay, he just did. that. He made a [ __ ] website. I mean, in the time we're doing this this. conversation, he made a website. That. shit's ridiculous. And look, I can make. a store right now. I can just manage. products and now I'm selling dolphin. butthole lube. I forgot to tweet that. I'm doing the job. He's selling bikes.

and skis and [ __ ] He just started. selling skis from his store. I mean, this is this is madness. This is like. World War Z, but with technology. It's. not zombies, but it's websites. They're. just [ __ ] every 12 seconds you got a. new one. Anyway, go to squarespace dot. squarespace.com, excuse me. That's. squarespace.com/joe and use the offer. code Joe and the number. three and you can get 10%. Wait, is it.

number four now? Cuz it's April. Oh, it's April, right? Yeah, you should. probably use four. Hope so. Use four. Jesus Christ. But use. it. It's a cool company and uh a cool. product and it really works. You know, it's uh if you're looking to make your. own website, I say go for it, [ __ ]. Holla. I think it's interesting that. you're you're advertising things. I just. wanted to say to your fans, if you guys. like to laugh, I don't know if any of. you out there like Wait, what? Do you. doing a show anywhere? Brian Cameron? What? Oh, such a weird question. I I am.

in fact this Friday, Saturday, and. Sunday at Laugh Out Loud in San Antonio, Texas. Laugh Out Loud. lol San. Antonio.com for tickets, you bastards. San Antonio, that's a gangster town. Go. to Brian Ken's website, if you're. listening to this later, has all his. tour dates, podcast, photos, and videos. on it. It's just brian.com. And listen. to the 10-minute podcast and the Brian. Ken show. We got a good one. 10-minute. podcast. I talk about I confess to. killing a dolphin and the boys have to. talk me off a ledge. Oh, sweet. That's.

not true. Don't Don't even say that. I. would never do that. But um on the Brian. Kellen show, I did interview a really. interesting guy and it's up now. Vincent. Labarbara, who is a defense lawyer who. defense Let's talk about it. Let's get. through this commercial and talk about. it. Yeah, I would love to. This This is. going to be missing from the serious. satellite broadcast. He's a badass. On.com is our last sponsor. We're out of. chimp kettle bells. Sorry, [ __ ] No, I want one. Listen, I told you. [ __ ] okay? It's hard to It's. hard to make these things. Hard to keep.

these [ __ ] in stock. They went flying. out cuz they're they're so cool looking. Out of stack. Oh, and by the way, you. know why I'm a good friend? Cuz I don't. call you up and say, "I saw that." And I. I don't call you, "Hey, dude, get me. some chimp kettle bells." No, I'm buying. them. I'm like everybody else. I'll get. you some. I got I'm getting one to. Donald Cowboy Cerrone, too. I want it. It's my man right there. Look, it it. needs to be given away to some people. That [ __ ] is just too cool not to have. It looks like a chimp biting off your. dick. That is the chimp biting off your. dick face. And you know what you do for.

motivation? For motivation in your. workouts, you know, it's you could hold. the kettle bells like that, looking at. the chimp and then drop it down to your. dick and then push away. Drop it down to. your dick and then push away. It could. be the new kettle bell routine like the. uh the chimp bite your dick kipups or. something there. I just read a book. called Our Inner Ape and and he talks. about how we're a bipolar ape and he. compares us to chimps and and and. gorillas. But one of the things is they. used to they had a circus of thing where.

they had a chimp that they muzzled and. they took strong men and tried to. control that chimp tried to like wrestle. with it. None of them none. No, you. can't wrestle with [ __ ] chimps also. It's also got it feet. It's got four. hands. Good luck. Four hands. Yeah. And. the the amount of strength five times. the pulling. We don't even understand. it. It's just we we think well they're. about our size so you know like you know. you're dealing with something completely. different. It's just completely. different. Uh but if you want to get. chimp strong go get yourself some other. [ __ ] that we have. We have regular. kettle bells.

still. That's that was a great April. Fool's 100B Joey Diaz [ __ ] kettle. bell. That's so ridiculous. I love it. I. want it. We have uh club bells. We. started selling those now and chin-up. bars and uh all kinds of different. fitness [ __ ] And uh of course uh a lot. of uh great fitness supplements. including Hemp Force, the um delicious. and nutritious hemp protein supplement. that has raw maca and raw or raw cocoa. and uh and maca and um it's sweetened.

with stevia. So there's very little. sugar. There's only one gram of sugar in. in a full serving. It's [ __ ]. delicious. Super good for you. And we. have to get it from Canada because our. country twatbag government says it's. illegal to grow the non-csychoactive. version of this marijuana. You can't. grow it. So these silly [ __ ] So we. have to buy it from Canada. But uh it's. super good for you. Really easy to. digest. I love it in the morning. If I. don't have the time to uh put together a. kale shake and I'm just [ __ ] running.

out the door. I take one of those C2O. coconut waters. I throw in some hemp. force. Boom. It's not like a lot of. food, but it get it's it's it fills me. up. It's nutritious. It's easy to. digest. Yeah, it's super easy to digest. You're getting some nutrition like good. nutrition in a in a small form. And it's. great after workouts, too. Anyway, on.com o. nit. Um, if you use the code name broen, you will save 10% off any and all. supplements. All right, we got through. it. Brian Ken's here. We're We're.

already getting busy, so let's play some. music first. Oh, right now. Uh, yeah. Go. Check it out. The Joe Rogan. Experience. [Music]. Roen is the. [Music]. man's got the best damn. [Music]. podcast. Joe Roen, he is your friend. Joe Roen, he is the man.

broken. The best podcast. My voice is so. crazy. He's so broken. A barrel of. snakes for. a barrel of snakes. A barrel of snakes. for a barrel of snakes. A barrel of. snakes for a barrel of snakes. Who Who made this? Uh his name is uh. Breakable Beats. And you can find him on. Soundcloud. You're awesome. breakable.

beats. And it really starts off funny. because it talks about. [Music]. And then it goes right into the Here's. here's the breakdown. My voice is so terrible. is your friend.

That's hilarious, dude. That's. hilarious. Yeah, that is one of the most. surprising things about podcasting is uh. the amount of cool [ __ ] that people do. on their own. You know, people create. funny uh YouTube compilations. I I did I. these guys in San Antonio um and I can't. remember their name there. I'm going to. try to find him and give him a shout. out. But they I I tweet that I'm going. to be in San Antonio and these guys. create a whole video devoted to Brian. Kalen and and no [ __ ] allowed. No.

[ __ ] please. No [ __ ] allowed. And I. was dying. They made a a like a. threeinut like really well done put. together video. So like a commercial for. you. Yeah, they made a commercial for me. and on Twitter and it's I'm trying to. find them because they were so awesome. And uh Oh man. Anyway, I'll I'll I'll. I'll just give a shout out when we But I. mean, that's what the internet does. You. get a bunch of guys who are like, "Dude, let's make a video for him advertising.". I was I was dying. You guys are coming. to my show for free, by the way. Just. come up to me and tell me that you did.

it. Now, everybody will be like, "Hey.". Yeah. You're going to say, "You need. proof, man. Need to do another one." I. know. I know the guys, though. I know. what they look like. It's a great thing, man. It's It's the. great democratizing force. And I have a. beautiful voice. I didn't realize that. Well, I think they put some of that. [ __ ] Jay-Z [ __ ] in your voice. What. is that stuff? I don't know what you're. talking about. That that electronic. thing that What is that? That music. thing. What's it called? Autotune. Yeah, autotune. They autotune the [ __ ] out of. you, son. No, they didn't.

It's not Jay-Z. But I say Jay-Z. Who. uses that autotune [ __ ] Teen. Yeah. T. Pane. I think I sound like Josh Groin. I. don't even know what that guy sounds. like. I win. Yeah, I win. Highwood. Yes, you do. I don't. I'm trying to find I. would not be able to pick it out of a. lineup. And you know, if you played it. for me and it wasn't him, I you would. get me. Yeah. You could sell me a. [ __ ] album with Johnny Totone from. down the block saying, "If you could be. one rock and roll frontman of all time,

who would it be?" Oh, Jesus. I don't. know. It's a tough one, isn't it? It's. tough to [ __ ] with David Lee Roth. It's. tough to [ __ ] with Diamond Dave. Yeah. About like when it comes to frontmen. Yeah, dude. There was some years in the. 1980s like 84 85 through the jump era. They dominated. They dominated. They. dominated. His voice was incredible. Yeah. I mean, it's no wonder they broke. up. They they they were hitting it so. hard. Of course, they all lost their.

mind. Well, I I spent time with Diamond. Dave. Oh, yeah. And he uh he and some. real had real conversations like three. like, you know, two hour long. And he. cuz he used to rent Dove David off's uh. the apartment above Dove David off's um. he had a building Dove had and he used. to rent from Dove David off above him. and he basically would practice karate. He had his helicopters license. He was a. an EMT, a real paramedic and saved. lives. He'd be he'd c pull somebody out. of a car and they'd be like, "You're.

David D. Lee Roth. What the fuck?" And. he was like, but he told us these great. stories and um he he like he's very very. Spartan. like he has a a bowl and a. spoon and sometimes he'd sleep on the. roof outside in a tent. He's just a real. like, you know, he's a very unusual. dude. Yeah. He's not into money or. anything. He's got He's living in a. really small apartment in Tokyo now. There it is. He came on the podcast and. and talked to us about he's been living. in Tokyo for 10 months. Really? Yeah. This is what what a trip this guy is. He. was uh they were going to do some shows. in Tokyo and I go, "How many like for.

how long?" He said like we're going to. do about 2 weeks in Tokyo. I'm like, "Okay." He went for 10 months. Wow. For. 10 months. He said they that Eddie got. sick and so when they had to postpone. it, it took a long time for them to be. able to reschedu because it's a big. tour. So when Eddie got sick and then. they rescheduled, he said, "Well, hey, I'll just go over there and see what. it's like." So he [ __ ] moves to. Tokyo. He used to kayak around. Manhattan. Yeah. What are you going to do today?

I'm going to kayak around Manhattan. Kayak around Manhattan. The island of. Manhattan. kayak in in the Hudson River. He's He does what he wants when, how, you know what we going to say? He's. taking sword classes. Oh, yeah. That's. what he's doing. He's taking sword. fighting classes and learning Japanese. So, he came over here. He's speaking. Japanese and telling telling us about. his [ __ ] sword fight. He's 58. Well, he refers to karate as karate. Karate. It's my favorite. Well, I studied karate. for many years. In fact, I've studied so.

long I feel as though I am karate. Well, he has a legit martial arts background. There's no doubt about it. Like he he. definitely like I remember he would. throw kicks like when he would do his. shows. I'm like that guy can move his. [ __ ] body. Can do the splits. Yeah. He would throw these like crazy high. kicks and you're like holy [ __ ] Like he. can't like the way he was throwing kicks. was like a guy who's trained martial. arts seriously. Yeah. A lot in and. trained very hard. He's in really good. shape. Yeah. He's in great shape, man. It was just it's interesting to meet a.

guy like that that's like this. 58-year-old sort of guy who just still. does whatever the [ __ ] you want. I think. I'll go to Japan, you know? [ __ ] it. I. think Yeah. I think what happens though. when you when you've hit the apex of. fame, like when you're a rock star on. his level, you're the biggest that. that's that you don't get more famous. than that. You just don't on earth. On. earth on earth. I mean and uh and and. just to play the stadiums and just like. go crazy. And I think once you do that. and you're you kind of if you're a a. interested person in the world, you.

realize that's like you get immune to. that. You actually I think you get. immune to it. I think you get immune to. that public embrace. And then you've got. to find some way else to keep yourself. inspired and excited and interested and. you know um that sounds like what he. what he does man. That's why he's got. such varied interests man. He's such a. such an interesting dude. I was I've got. him on my phone right now. I've got. their greatest hits. I was just. listening to them like Diver Down, you. know, those those Yeah, dude. Some of. those songs, Running with the Devil. God.

damn, those were good songs. They were. unbelievable. It's just But they were so. big that it's no wonder that they broke. up. It's like, who the [ __ ] knows how to. manage that? Like, I was having a. conversation with uh someone about. Justin Bieber where they're like, you. know, did you hear what he did? He did. this the other day and and that happened. the other day. I'm like, do you know how. [ __ ] crazy I would be if I was Justin. Bieber? That kid's holding it together. remarkably. Remarkably well. Yeah. When. I was 18 or 19 years old, if I had $100.

million on a [ __ ] Ferrari, I Oh my. right now, bro. Right now. Who are you. talking to? Right now, I'd be a mess. Yeah. I mean, that kid's fine. He's. fine. So, he spit on somebody. Who knows. what happened? Really? [ __ ] knows when. you're constantly surrounded by people. Oh, he's a nice guy. He was at the Laugh. Factory. He was in the in the crowd on a. Tuesday night and and Dom Herrera gets. on stage and Justin's up there and he. goes, "Justin, it must have been really. hard for you, you know, before you made. it. That one tough year when you were.

like 14.". It was [ __ ] great. Dom Herrera is. awesome. Domrera comes up with oneliners. like just off the top of his head. He's. an animal. Oh man, he's he's so [ __ ]. legit. Oh, [ __ ] do. He's been doing. standup for like a hundred years and. high level. I always love to to remind. Dom that I I paid to see him before I. ever did comedy myself. So did I. Yeah. I remember his jokes. I did his jokes to. him. Yeah. I paid to see him at Nick's. Comedy Stop. I actually went two nights.

in a row because he missed his flight or. something like that on the first night. And so that was how I found out about. Dennis Liry. That Dennis Liry went up. that night and I was like, "Who is this. guy? Where the [ __ ] is Derrera?" Like I. paid to see Domera. Well, something. happened. And there it was like a. misflight or something along those. lines. So then I was like, "God, this. guy, who is this guy?" I was like so. bummed out. But he [ __ ] destroyed Oh, yeah. He destroyed back then. No cure. cure for cancer. I did. I mean, this is.

before I knew anything about the. plagiarism or anything about the bad. things you hear about Liry. All I knew. then, I didn't even know who he was, but. he went on and [ __ ] crushed. Amazing. He was like my favorite comedian for. like six months. It's incredible when. you see somebody who's that good at. something, you know? when you see stand. up for the first time and you have like. maybe designs on like I just did this. interview just now today for this the. San Antonio thing and I I I literally. said to the guy I said I still can't. believe I can do standup. I can't. believe I'm lucky enough. I truly lucky.

enough to go around the country and make. people laugh. I can't believe I have. that capacity. Like the great surprise. of my life was waking up one day and. realizing I think maybe I can do this if. I really practice. You know what I mean? It's like I When did you when did you. come to that? You I I always thought you. always knew you could do it. No, man. No. I was a silly goose always as you. know, but um I I remember I uh Patty. Jenkins, my old my old girlfriend, the. director said, "Brian, I got I made a. speech or something at a wedding or.

something and I I was funny." And she. said, "I got three words for you, dude. Stand up comedy. You're not going to. walk into a room as this guy, whoa, that. guy's really unique. He's 5 foot 11 and. 165 pounds with brown eyes and brown. hair. You know, he's you're you're not. going to go in there looking like. something said you but you're funny. And. that she got me to start doing it. And I. was like, I can't do this. But I went. home and wrote a monologue on what it's. like to be reborn a penguin, a legless, flightless bird in the middle of the. South Pole. I was like, that's kind of a. funny idea, a concept. I don't know. And.

I wrote it and I and and then I I I came. up to my friends that night and I said, "Hey, I heard this comic doing these. jokes." And I pretended it was somebody. else. and they laughed and and that's. slowly how I built a set, right? That's. funny, man. That's a good way of doing. it. And that's so like your personality. to do that. You're not really a self-. congratulatory guy. Terrible. So that's. that's that's what you would do. You. would you would congratulate someone. else, make a pre pretend character. Oh, my friend is so funny. He says, my. friend was so funny. I do it and he. would laugh so hard and I was like, I.

think I'm on to something. That's a very. clever way to begin standup comedy, like. to practice on people. Of course. I. would do that all the time. Do you hear. this comic? That guy with that I don't. know what he looks like. Had red hair. and I would do the joke. This was all. before I met you. Yes. Yeah. When I met. you, you were doing comedy a little bit. You were but you had gotten into the. door and it's and I I don't blame. anybody for this, but there's there's a. uh an attitude that exists or at least. at least it used to um when you got a. series or got some sort of a sitcom.

where you could stop doing your standup. You know, I actually had a good friend. and a guy I respect very much say that. to me, you know, who's a producer. And I. was like, "What are you talking about?". Like, "What are you? This is I'm just. doing this for money." Like, are you. crazy? Stand up is the greatest thing in. the world. You You don't know because. you've never done it. And you know, and. even if you do it and you suck at it, if. there's a possibility that you can get. good enough to be good at it, stick with. that [ __ ] Stick with that [ __ ] Stick. with that [ __ ] It's so much fun. It's. way better than acting. It's also a.

constant challenge. Like if you're a. rock star, you can sing the same song. for 30 years. The Stones can still sing. Start Me Up and Everybody Cheers. You. [ __ ] stand up. You got to reinvent. yourself. They come to see you. They. They want to see a new bag of tricks, bro. Oh, yeah. They're not there to like. see you do your, you know, greatest. hits. Yeah. I put out my special. whenever it was a couple months ago. I. don't have I'm not doing a single bit. from that. It's all done. That shit's. dead and buried. That's what I'm all my. stuff is. It's fun to do though, man, because uh I I you know, I've been. inspired by uh quite a few guys that do. that on a regular basis. Bill Burr does.

that on a regular basis. Louis CK does. that on a regular basis. And I think he. got a lot of people thinking that way. Like just throw your [ __ ] out and come. up with And it's totally right because. what you really want to see is a lot of. different material from comedians. It's. also keeps you in a really active state. of mind. Like I I've really learned how. to write anywhere no matter what. And. I'm always thinking of new stuff. So. yeah, it's like we decide like how hard. we can push ourselves. Like oh god, a. new hour a year I couldn't do it. Yeah, you probably could. You probably could, dude. Just [ __ ] go to work. And then.

when you do do it, like when you you are. coming up with new stuff, it's so it's. so exciting. It's like the shows have a. different energy to them because you're. you're like still laughing at the [ __ ]. too. It's like it's still hitting you. like and I don't know how you are when. you're creating material. But when I'm. creating material, I don't even know. where the [ __ ] it's coming from. I I. never feel like it's mine. I never do. That's that beautiful notion that you're. a channel for something that already. exists, you know? Well, I think it's. because the only way to truly use your. creativity correctly is to take your.

sense of you out of the equation. So, it's not really that you're tapping into. a muse, per se, as to take you out of. the equation allows all the creativity. to sort of appear and unfold. It's you. This idea of you, ego, is such an. overwhelmingly. constricting mindset. It's, you know, and and let me let me let me piggyback. on that before you go on because I love. this. I love what you're saying. And and. and when you say ego, a lot of that and. I for young people, let me get specific.

And I think a lot of it is we all define. ourselves on very strong lines. Men. especially in this society are told to. define yourself along strong lines. You. know, I'm I'm a fighter. I'm a tough. guy. You can't push me. Whatever it. might be, I'm a musician. That comes. with a lot of baggage. And I think that. that one of the nice things about trying. learning how to create is to loosen. those lines a little bit. Don't try to. define yourself. Don't you don't have to. be right. Don't don't pigeon hole. yourself into I'm a tough guy or I'm. this guy or I No, not when you're.

creating. I And it goes back to what you. said. Take yourself out of the equation. Well, people try to define themselves. because they're insecure, you know? I. mean, that's how when I was a young man. and I was insecure, that's when I try to. def I try to define myself. I tried to. pretend to be somebody. I would try to, you know, as much as I wanted to be an. individual, a complete individual, I was. I certainly wasn't good at it. Well, but. you know, and it's also like I was just. I just played volleyball with Brendan. Sha, Mayhem Miller, and my buddy Kieran, all fighters, you know, obviously. And.

and I'm sitting there looking at these. [ __ ] like just, you know, Jason's. been fighting for 15 years, retired now, but he's still a [ __ ] rough, athletic. big guy. And I'm looking at [ __ ] Sha. who should just have a statue. I should. have a statue built to him that I can. just, you know, and and I'm you're. looking at and what the [ __ ] are you. talking about? I'm gay. I'm gay. I mean, I'm No, I'm straight. I mean, I just. when I talk about Brennan, I get very. gay. No, but I'm looking at how big and. strong these guys are. I thought to. myself, there's always somebody. stronger. There's always somebody. stronger than those guys. And and by the. way, no, that's not true. There's got to.

be one strongest guy. There's got to be. there's not it's not there's always got. to be someone. That kind of brings me to. my point which is the idea that you know. there there's not a real difference in. some ways between me and Sha or somebody. who's really big in the sense that yes. they're stronger but we're all compared. to somebody else. We're all kind of like. depending on what context you're. standing in. I'm stronger than this guy. over here. He's stronger than me. Do you. really think about this [ __ ] Yeah. Why? Well, I was just thinking about how we.

we we kind of we I I was thinking about. how we try to kind of like aim for. certain things. Yeah, but you're 45. No, I'm not talking about I'm using as an. example. I'm just using an example of. anything you do. Like if you're a. musician, you want to play like that. guy. I'm just saying that it the the. only thing that matters is that is a. false that is a false way of going about. things. What all you can do is control. your own expression and who you are. That's all you can do is go. There is no. the idea of a comparing to something. bigger or something is an illusion. almost. It's the only thing you can do.

is get is get try to not dilute who you. are. You you want to keep it as it's so. hard to say. You mean saying that and. doing that it's like what is he saying? What does he mean? You know, it's just. you got to know that your ego will [ __ ]. you up, man. your ego. Even though you. feel like it's a part of you and you. feel like it's good to have it protect. you so you'll [ __ ] yourself about. things, it's super important to know. when you [ __ ] up and not be in denial. Because when you're in denial, it sets.

you back cuz look, no one's perfect. I'm. not perfect. You're not perfect. There's. not a single perfect human being. The. idea is ridiculous because it's like you. don't you're a different person. depending on when I catch you. You're a. different person depending on what time. of the day and you know and what what. what happened to you recently or you. know what bad thing has gone down in. your life. You're a different person. every minute of every day 365 days a. year. You're like a river in a way like. you you know trying to trying to say. this is who I am. I'm a tough guy or I'm. this. You got to just learn from.

mistakes always. Of course have the. ethic of you know just trying to be a. good person. Just trying to be nice. Try. not to Yeah. But let me ask you this. Like you were saying, and I was thinking. about this the other day, you know, you. you nobody's perfect. You can try to. strive for perfection. It's kind of a. good thing. You'll never reach it. But. the idea is you can imagine what. perfection is in a way. Like you ever. feel that way? You ever feel like, you. know, like you're doing this thing which. is standup and you keep putting out. stuff in your mind's eye, you have a.

notion of what what the perfect I don't. I think that's all a waste. This is what. I do. What I or what I what I try to do. I I just try to keep writing funny [ __ ]. Just write it, make it funny, put it. together, and just do it. Yeah. Well, it's I know I'm, you know, I explained. this to Ari once, but it's applicable to. me, too. You know, Ari and I were. talking about comedy and like what's. going on now that he has like real fans. and this this this new obligation. And I. said, you know, if uh I go, I'm an Ari.

Shafir fan. I go, I think you're really. hilarious. So, if I was, you know, take. me out of the the context of being a. professional stand-up comedian. And if I. if I was a guy just uh doing something. else and I found out about Ari, I'd be. like, "Oh, this guy's funny. I would. want to buy his CD. I would want to buy. his DVD. I would become an Ari Shafir. fan." I go, "But when once that happens, you're the only guy who can give me Ari. Shafir. You're the only guy who can. produce that material." Like, you have. this weird obligation. And if you do.

something like there's comics that were. like really big at one point in time and. they sort of stopped delivering comedy. They stopped making making new, you. know, specials and people sort of gave. up on them because they don't really. talk about them that much anymore. because they're not getting material. from them on a regular basis, you know. So you're the only Brian Callen. You. you're the only guy who can reach Brian. Ken fans. So I just try to I know that.

people think that the ridiculous [ __ ]. that I do is funny and I I know how to. do the ridiculous [ __ ] I do. So I just. keep doing it. That's my thinking. Yeah. The idea that that that the I guess the. idea of perfection is really a static. notion. And you're never static. You're. always you're always a verb. I always. trying to uh update the bits. It's a. little bit different. Every show there's. always something new. I'm adding I'm. taking away. I'm approaching it in a. different way. I'm I'm [ __ ] with it. I'm trying to find out how to do it the. right way and and I'll learn along the. way through trial and error and from my.

own feelings of being too verbose or too. clunky or whatever the [ __ ] it is. And. so in that way in doing it like that. like you're never in the equation. The. equation you're never in the equation. The equation is always the impact of the. material. How how what is the best way I. can do to make this funny? Like what is. if I was you know if I'm experiencing. this myself like what is the best way to. do it? So you sort of become a. passenger. You know, it's like you're. the one who has to sort of orchestrate. it. But you know, the concept of the.

muse, I hate when I say, you know, that. many times. The concept of the muse, that's that's a a faker's um you know, I. really should be like, um um I'm like, you know, no, you don't know anything. You don't know what the [ __ ] you're even. talking about right now. But I I feel. like it's um the more you can take. yourself out of it, the more you can. say, I just want to be the best I can. be. I want to be perfect. I want to be. all that eye [ __ ] is like that guy's not. doing any comedy that that that one who. needs all that that's an annoying that. ego thing that's it's a creepy part of.

you that you don't want to feed you want. that to shrivel up you want that to. shrivel up like a witch's tit something. really interesting because I remember. that there was a Lawrence Olivier was a. famous actor and he' done this. production of uh you know king Athell or. something like that and he was amazing. and everybody came back and said it was. the most incredible performance and he. was in a really dark mood. And I said, "But what what's the matter?" He goes, "Uh, that was the greatest performance. we've anybody's ever seen." And he said, "I know. I just have no idea how to. repeat it, you know, and and his.

thinking was wrong in a sense there, you. know. You just got to go zen. You got to. go zen. You got to go zen and understand. that if you can do that, that means you. could do that. It doesn't mean you're. going to do it every night. I mean, there's going to be nights like there's. times where I'm talking on this podcast. where every third or fourth [ __ ] word. is my fat stupid tongue is hitting my. teeth wrong and you know I gota Excuse. me. I mean it's called marijuana. It's. not even that. It's not it's not that. I'm pretty yapper. It's just No, what. I'm I'm trying to say is like there's. there's es and flows to things. There's.

never a perfect absolute sustainable. rhythm for anything. So you if you if. Lawrence of Olivier can crush it like. that, what that means is that he can. crush it like that. Doesn't mean he's. going to crush it like that every night, but he crushed it like that live. And. it's live. When things are live, it's, you know, it's a different experience. Do you remember in the book of Five. Rings when Mto Masashi says, "Practice. something enough so that the thing of. itself reveals itself." The spirit of. the thing reveals itself. What do you. think he meant by that? Well, because. the same thing he meant that you if you.

know the way. broadly, you can see it in all things. And what it's the same thing. It's like. the way is the spirit of a thing is. really excellence. Whether it's bowling. or golf or archery, the spirit of a. thing is excellence. The spirit of a. thing is finding how to control the body. and to get it all online where you run. up and do that perfect three point, you.

know, or or three-point foul shot. Did. you ever see that that video of that. autistic kid that never played. basketball before and and they they. threw him in on the last game? Brian, find this on my Twitter. This is. incredible [ __ ] man. Incredible. Incredible [ __ ] This uh kid, it's kind. of unrelated, but this kid um had is a. high functioning autistic and they put. him in on this uh basketball game and. he's uh like you you could tell that the. kid's like loved by all these teammates.

And when they take this kid and they. finally let him play in the game. It's. like the one of their last games. The. kid gets up, the place goes nuts. They. love him. They're cheering for him. He. throws his first ball and it's a he. misses by like six feet and they're. like, "Oh, Jesus Christ." And then he. can't miss. He's nailing three pointers. from the outside and the crowd is going. [ __ ] crazy. This kid misses one shot. and then gets in this insane groove of.

over and over and over again slamming. three-pointers. He won like the the. school record. See, he misses. That's. That's not it. There's a Yeah, that's. one of them. Yeah. Um everybody else is. excited. But Jac wasn't done. He kept. shooting and kept hitting another three. Oh, did you start this like inside of it. a little bit? Okay. Yeah. the the. beginning they show the first basket. which he misses by like six feet and. then look at all these kids. Oh, they.

went crazy. Look at them run on the. field, grab him and they're picking him. up and carrying him around. Imagine how. good that kid must have felt. Oh man, as. an athletic director, if I retired. today, this would be the one thing that. I talked about forever. Wow, dude. Are. you kidding me? Is that amazing? That. that's that's another word for. excellence, I think, as you as you speak. about it is harmony. Everything moving. in in the way it's supposed to. That's. what it sound like you were talking. about. That that that's a form that's. kind of like harmonizing with a. frequency, man. Like getting into. something and a and a pattern and and.

where everything is everything is firing. the way it should. Yeah. And and. understanding what it what it really is. It's like see the more like in Mousashi. talking about it's totally applicable to. standup comedy because in talking about. like the more time you practice it and. the more you observe it and the more you. understand it the more it's what it is. reveals itself to you and then you know. how to operate and try to achieve. excellence within it whatever it is like. you're almost riding it. You're almost. it's it's doing the the work. Yeah.

That's why I think that activities are. really important for people. There's a. lot of people that unfortunately don't. engage in activity. They don't engage in. they don't have hobbies or jiu-jitsu, anything like that. Learn a language. Do. do something. Do something that's. exciting. Learn the art of learning. You. know the problem with our education. system. Gorvidal was saying this is that. was that we don't have an education. system that teaches you how to think, right? We don't. We don't. That's so. true. And and that's that's that's the. there is an art to learning, man. There's an art to learning. There's an.

art to how an art to being a human. being. That's right. It really is. And. no one teaches us. We don't know what. the [ __ ] we're doing. We're all idiots. raising other people by with, you know, the same flaws that we were raised with. There's no there's no manual for it. Exactly. And there's And you know, when. you look at what we consider our our our. source of uh education as far as like. what is distributed to us nightly, what's the news, right? I mean, that's. really the education that people have. today. Once you get out of school, unless you're reading books on your own, where are you getting your information.

about the world? you're getting it from. the [ __ ] news. Well, the news doesn't. really represent what's a going on in. the world and b it doesn't say anything. about how you should be dealing with. this, how you should be thinking, how we. how we should resolve these issues. It's. like this tattletail that just goes. running over and tells us about all the. [ __ ] up [ __ ] that's happening in the. world. But they don't there's it's not a. dialogue with a person. It's like a. source of information. By the way, that. that complaint goes back at least 3,500. years. Socrates when he was in at his.

trial said you take a you wouldn't take. a horse to try to ride it and not train. it. The same applies to a human being. You've got to you got to start with with. the notion of he was trying to teach. philosophy in the sense that you better. you better know what questions to ask. throughout your life. And we should. start with young people, educate young. people the right way with the right. questions. If you don't do that, then. then you know, you've got to start with. a base almost, you know, and and uh we. don't we don't do that, man. We it's.

it's almost like learning jiu-jitsu, just learning moves without learning the. principles behind it first. Yeah. Well, it's also like learning jiu-jitsu. without going over the real correct. drills, you know, like learning real. life, you know, applications and and you. know, the way school is set up, you. know, again, you [ __ ] The way. school is set up, it's they have x. amount of thousand kids and they have to. get these kids through with a basic. understanding of the building blocks of. our world. They have to understand math. They have to understand how to structure.

a sentence. They understand they have to. understand how to form paragraphs and. they they got to know what happened in. the past. And then you you're off on. your own. Good luck, [ __ ] Next stop, college. You know, you talk about taking. yourself out of the equation. That's an. Asian thing more than a Western thing. Certainly more an American. You know, if. you they they had Chinese people look at. a fish tank and then they had Americans. look at a fish tank. The Americans uh. described the fish. The Chinese. described how the relationship between. the rocks, the seaweed, the fish, the. boat in there and everything. They were.

they were looking at the entire the. entire picture. And that that's a lot of. it is my buddy was a paramedic in u a. medic I'm sorry, in Vietnam for two term. two tours. And one of the things he. found was that the Vietkong when they. would get injured, they wouldn't go into. shock and you could you could. interrogate them. They wouldn't go into. shock. The Americans would get hit and a. lot of times they'd go into shock and. it's very dangerous when you go into. shock which is actually you know what. shock is they panic lock. Yeah. But your. body your body will take all the blood. from your extremities and go right to.

where the wound is like sort of like the. core area and your body can shut down. It's very dangerous and that is from. panic. That's right. That's from your. your your heart races and instead of. slowing down. And so why? Well, one of. the things was that when an American. would get shot, you'd go, "Holy [ __ ]. I've been shot." And you focus on that. wound. When a Vietkong would get shot, they were taught ne the whole culture. wasn't about you. You were a leaf on a. very big tree. Put your attention out. there. And and that was kind of one of. the things he took back from Vietnam.

because somebody said to him, you know, you've been teaching this acting class. from 7 to 12 for 5 years. I've never. seen you yawn once. Not once. And he. says, 'I don't think about I don't I. don't think about myself. I'm never part. of this equation, man. I learned a long. time ago, even if I'm tired, it's just a. form of energy. And I spent a lot of. time if I start worrying about being. tired, I'll get tired. Yeah. And he's. got he he was 55 and he just was very. good at taking himself completely out of. the equation. Yeah. I think that you can. definitely trip yourself up with some. bad behavior patterns as far as your. your feeling and your health and the the.

negativity that you see in the. environment all over the place. I mean, we've all been around that one person. that just complains about everything. like, "Oh, great. Look at the hotel. we're staying at. Oh, [ __ ] Look at this. [ __ ] place. Oh, Jesus. This place. hasn't been updated since the 70." Like, will you shut the [ __ ] up, man? There's. a guy who who um I don't want to speak. out of turn. I I don't know if his name, but he's a writer. Tried to kill. himself. And he was listening to birds. and some his girl was there and she was. talking to him and she said, "Listen to. the birds?" He goes, "What do you hear?".

He said, "I don't I don't like listening. to birds." She said, "Why?" She goes, "They're so beautiful." says, "You hear. beauty. I hear a bunch of animals trying. to fight for territory and scratch out. and yelling at each other." And she. went, "Hey, dude, don't ruin birds for. me, man. You may be smart as [ __ ] but I. don't want to be your kind of smart, you. know?" And it really is a question of. what you choose to look at, what you. choose to hear. Well, how emotionally. invested you choose to be and whether. these birds fight to the death. It's. also your belief system, right? Yeah. You know what I mean? You You can change. your belief system in some ways. Well, it's choosing whether or not you're.

going to be affected by all this. information. You know, the what I was. going to say is that the the when we. were talking about the uh needing some. sort of. a a lesson in how to think and how to. operate the mind, if the human mind if. the human body was the just, you know, just the human experience, if that was. an an instrument that you had to learn. to use, think about navigating the human. life with the human body and language.

And think about if you came from. somewhere else and the human body wasn't. and the human experience wasn't just a. person living a life, but rather was a. ride that you had to figure out how to. how to master, how to accomplish. And. that the human animal with its creative. abilities, with its abilities to reach. out to people, with its uh ability to. build buildings and use electricity and. all these different things, that's a. that's a that's a vehicle. That's what. that is. Learn it. Learn how to use that. vehicle. You would have intensive study.

for a for years and years and years of. just trying to figure out how to go. about the correct way of doing this. They would be like, you know, you you. would have to figure out what is the. best way to think. What is the best way. most beneficial way to you to approach. every project as a as a person moving. around in this human world with this. human machine. It would be like a super. complicated thing. But instead, it's. just two people. [ __ ] some guy shoots a load and the.

girl, she swells up. Plank, a person. comes out. No one knows [ __ ] It's a. good sound effects, by the way. Thank. you. So, the three of them are standing. there. No one knows what the [ __ ] is. going on. And they keep doing the same. thing. They keep interacting with each. other. The same thing. The way the human. the the way the human being and the. human body interacts with the world is. so bizarre and complicated. And to get. it right and correct takes so much. [ __ ] thinking. It's amazing. We just.

let these things just go loose out into. the world, right? You know, I mean, which is why people are desperate and. lonely and forgotten and all that stuff. Well, we're caught in this machine. there. There's a real machine going on. with with society today. And that. machine is uh the building of society, the increasing of bandwidth, you know, the interconnectivity that's provided by. technology. It's all of that. And it's. it's all of that with this exponentially.

increasing momentum behind it. And we're. all caught up in that. And we're caught. up in that. And we have mortgages and we. have bills and we have all these. But. we're what we're doing is we're feeding. this system. We're feeding the system of. televisions and computers and and and. cell phones and new clothes and it's. distracting questions. It's like you you. you start unnowledgeable and and the. Greeks always said you go from knowledge. but you don't jump all the way to. wisdom. There's an in between place. which is correct opinion. Correct.

opinion comes from when you study as. you're reaching for wisdom. You start to. develop as the world crystallizes around. you with the right teaching and and. stuff. You start to learn what the what. what sort of the correct way to look and. reach and follow the the correct opinion. is and then you finally get to a point. where you understand and can explain why. that is the correct opinion. That takes. a long [ __ ] time. That's life mastery. in a way. But it's like what you're. saying is it's it's it's we don't have a.

system. And we try to with public. education, but we don't have a way or a. system to really teach people how to. live the art of No, no one knows what. the [ __ ] they're doing. And we the the. people that we were raised by, they. didn't know what the [ __ ] they're doing. either. I mean, my parents are very nice. people. My mother is uh with my stepdad. They've been together forever. It's like. they're very nice couple. They're very. nice people, but they were raised by. people who didn't know [ __ ] and their. parents were raised by people who didn't.

know [ __ ] And this era that we're. living in right now, it's like human. beings are just starting to wake up and. realize that we were all living in this. weird sort of momentous world. This. world that moves on momentum and. momentum doesn't make any sense at all. And we're all just waking up realizing. that it was set up by people who didn't. know what the [ __ ] they were doing. I. mean, they knew how to build buildings. knew how to use electricity, but no one. knew how to teach society how to chill.

the [ __ ] out, relax, and enjoy each. other. Not one [ __ ] person besides. like Martin Luther King and a few people. with some dreamy speeches. Not one. person emphasizes that in the role of. government. Not one person is pushing. that like, can't we figure out a way. that human beings are just nicer to each. other? Can't we figure out a way where. there's maybe a little bit less profit, but also less pollution and less [ __ ]. with people and less like less control. over the human populace? A lot of it is.

possible. I would say I would say though. you're also dealing with the residue of. of a most of human history almost all of. it has been not enough to eat and dying. of disease. Oh yeah. No, it's no doubt. there's been a lot of things that led us. to this point. This is also the first. point. We have a responsibility as the. human beings that have the first access. to this sort of information to not be. looked at like a bunch of silly [ __ ] by. the people of the future because that's. a real problem. Cuz if I look back I.

mean living this life right now just. looking at all the silly nonsense that. human beings are involved with. Like. everybody I look on Twitter and. everybody has these [ __ ] equal signs. on their uh their their Twitter avatar. to let everyone know that they're into. marriage equality. It's equality. It's. marriage equality. You should be you. should be that's like saying you having. that on your Twitter avatar. You might. as well just say water's wet is hot hot. is cold cold. I didn't of course. marriage equality makes sense. The fact.

that you even have to who are you. talking to like who this is but I know. but but seriously in 201 [ __ ] 13. anybody we should find out who doesn't. have that on their avatar. It should be. that. Let's how about nobody use their. face anymore. and and and let's let's. find out. And the people who have a. problem with it, who gives a [ __ ]. whether or not a couple of lesbians want. to marry each other, you're an [ __ ]. Like, you're an [ __ ] And maybe. nobody tells you you're an [ __ ] but. why do you give a [ __ ] about them? You.

worrying at all about what other people. are doing sucks. It sucks for everyone. around you. You [ __ ] everything up. You. care that two people love each other and. they want to sign some paperwork. Why do. you give a [ __ ] Would you give a [ __ ]. if she signed some paperwork that the. other chick's going to be her ass eating. slave till the end of time and she'll. have to be reincarnated as a future. assater and upon turning 18 will resume. her practice. This chick's going to be. immortal. Write that on paper. What. [ __ ] difference does it make? Why do.

you care? If you care, you're an. [ __ ] You're just an [ __ ] I never. understood it. I never understood that. It's [ __ ] dumb. It's the desire to. control other people and to impose your. mythology or your belief system on. someone else. It's some really. uncreative [ __ ] too, who are not. thinking about how ridiculous you're. going to look in the future. When. they're looking back in the past, the. way they looked at those idiots that. thought that leeches were the best way. to cure your broken leg. Those [ __ ]. people, we laugh at them today. And. don't tell me about scientific.

applications of leeches, you [ __ ]. Because there's. none people like, you know, there are. medical applications for leeches. People. sent me that cuz I was making fun of. legions. Aren't they using them for gang. green? Yeah, you can use them for stuff. But guess what? Medicine works better. They use everything maggots for maggots. Yeah, maggots. But they do use legions. for something, too. Like to coagulate. blood or some [ __ ] Well, maggots will. eat all the necri tissue, right? They'll. they'll clean up. Yeah. And they they. stop infections. It's really kind of. crazy. Then maggots eating your flesh is.

good. They put a cast on you. They throw. a bunch of maggots down there. And Yeah. Because they can't eat you. They can. only eat the stuff that's [ __ ] up. So. crazy. Yeah. I mean, they're not really. like good eaters. No. So, like it pays. to have them all mushed up in your. wounds. And they actually apparently. they're good eating if if you need to. Well, they're a high source of protein, right? Yeah. You keep that [ __ ] What's. in Isn't it interesting how we have this. like really these really clear views. about what is and isn't good food or. something that you should eat. And crabs.

and crabs and spiders. Could there be an. animal that's closer to looking like. each other? Well, they're in the same. family. Yeah, they're in the same. family. Once I found out that lobsters. were in the lice family, I couldn't eat. lobsters anymore. I was like, they're. part What do you mean they're in the. lice family? They're giant. Those dudes. in the jungle that eat they cook up the. tarantulas. No, you never seen them. They look yummy. It looks like a soft. shell crab. I bet I bet I bet I bet they. taste good. They're They're all in the. same family, you know? But we have this.

weird thing, right? Like when we're. talking about maggots, like if it wasn't. mag like what is hemp force protein? It's [ __ ] ground up plants. Mushy. ground up plants. Like, okay, you eat. plants. Got it. Okay. What is What are. maggots? Maggots are just these little. fleshy things. Okay. Well, what what. what do you eat? What? Tell me what you. do eat. What are you cool with? You cool. with yogurt? I ate the flesh off an. animal. And I And I Yeah. And I eat You. cool with yogurt? You know what that is? You know, you're eating like a [ __ ]. civilization. You know, you're eating a. living organism. You're eating. acidophilus, a pure living organism.

Bacteria. Yeah. What are you doing, stupid? Do you know what you're doing? But you're like, "No, maggots are bad.". Maggots are your little buddies. They're. your little wound cleaning buddies. They're full of protein, and you're. saying no to them. But yet, you're just. chugging down that [ __ ] cornfed beef. These fatty diseased cows, fat, sloppy, heart pounding as they pump sludgy blood. through [ __ ] caked up arteries. Excess livers living in their own [ __ ].

Oh my god. Just the [ __ ] amount of. fat that you get on, but that's the only. way to get a delicious ribeye. The kind. that you really Oh, you cook it over. mosquite. Just a little salt and pepper. Don't get crazy. All you need is a. little salt and pepper. Um the uh. grass-fed beef though, once you get used. to that, it's uh it's to me it's I feel. so much better eating it. Maybe it's. psychological. You know, the oils the. oils, first of all, they're ruminated. So cows are supposed to eat grass. They. don't eat grains. Well, they're. definitely you're eating a healthier. animal for sure. And it tastes more like.

game. And also the the the oils in the. meat are very different when they eat. grass versus when they eat corn. The. oils are Yes. the the fatty acids um are. are I believe I can't remember what what. the ratio what it is, but the the fatty. acids literally change from like omega 3. to omega 6 or something like that. I. mean so when you eat a a bison or you. eat grass-fed uh beef, the oils uh are. healthier and and a lot of um heart. doctors on Dr. are prescribing grass-fed beef because.

it uh helps with inflammation. It. actually brings inflammation in the body. down. Uh according to a lot of research, that's really interesting because I. talked to a woman who was a um a. chiropractor. We were talking about. discs, you know, cuz I got a disc issue. in my back and she said besides this. thing called the McKenzie protocol, it's. like a series of stretches they use to. elongate the spine. She said changing. the diet is very important. And uh she. recommended uh a bunch of different uh. anti-inflammatories. um and uh cutting out all wheat. Oh man.

Yeah. That that that believe it or not. like people who are eating gluten and. like that the more and more people are. sort of understanding that what you're. doing is just slowly poisoning yourself. with that stuff but you can handle it. Yeah. That's really what's going on. And. when you cut it out you're like oh. h why do I feel so good now? Like what's. going on? like that stuff's not good for. you. I stopped eating bread and like. also because it's got a high glycemic. index. It's kind of like spikes your. insulin. So, I eat brown rice and yams.

and I just feel better when I do that. I. do that, but yet I don't I'm not rigid. I still will go to a nice Italian. restaurant and have bread with olive oil. and balsamic vinegar and you mean the. way the Sicilians do and they live till. 105? You mean those guys? Yeah, that's I. wonder how much bread they ate. Do they. eat a lot of bread? Well, you know, when. you go there, you see the bread they. eat. It is. It is as healthy. It's a. meal in itself, dude. It's all like you. see the bread up in like you go to. northern Italy. I went to this place. I. walk into this bread place that bread is.

it doesn't look like bread, okay? It. looks like a just a like a block of. seeds and nuts and you're like, "What. the [ __ ] You could hit somebody in the. head and they die." My grandfather used. to my my grandfather came over here. during the depression on a on a boat. They his family hopped in a boat from. Italy and came over. That's a fun ride, by the way. and they lived in this like. seriously Italian neighborhood in uh New. Jersey. And we used to uh it was almost. dead by the time I I got older. But when. I lived with him for a bit when I first.

moved to New York when I was like 23, I. guess 23 or 24, I lived with my. grandfather for like a year. Wow. And uh. he would still go buy his bread from. this uh place in New Jersey. And there's. some people that had been there from the. 1950s. They had been selling bread and. this one probably even more. I think it. was actually the 30s. They were there. Real legitimate. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. was just old school bread place and they. would go and get the bread every day and. that's how the immigrants like delicious. by the way. Yeah. Everything was. homemade tomato sauce. My grandmother.

was always like cooking things and it. was always homemade. Like they grew. their own tomatoes. They turned them. into tomato sauce. They made their own. pasta. My grandmother would be like. rolling pasta. Nothing came out of a can. screaming at my grandfather. You get off. me Joe. You leave me alone Joe. I'm. tired of your [ __ ] I'm going to. tell you right now. I'm going to move in. with my sister. And she would be like. [ __ ] Oh, they would go crazy. My. grandparents were Sicilian and I I used. to it was the same thing. Nothing came. out of a can. My grandfather was [ __ ]. Well, they didn't have money when they. were kids, too. It's like the idea of.

paying for something which costs more. when you can grow in your backyard. Like, what are you stupid? My. grandfather would show up with a wheel. of parmesan, a wheel, and it sit we had. a food pantry and it would sit in this. big closet like food pantry. Like, it. was you could walk into it. You know, there's a real issue with with uh cheese. in this country and milk uh in that. people want everything to be pasteurized. and homogenized and that raw milk when. it's from an excellent source should be. available to you just like raw eggs are. available to you just like raw meat. And.

it should be clear and obvious as to. whether or not you're eating bad food. Like when you're eating a steak, okay, and if you buy a steak and the steak. sits in your refrigerator for like 5 or. 6 days, you don't get to it. It starts. to get a little funky, you know? You. know why? That's because it's a [ __ ]. thing from an animal and it's it used to. be alive. It's decaying and that shit's. real. And as soon as you stop that. process, okay, as soon as you step in, you're monkeying around with nature, okay? And I know I know it's good and I.

know it's helped a lot of people get. through some really dark times in this. world where milk because it was. homogenized and pasteurized they could. keep it longer and it fed people. But at. a certain point in time we have to. realize that all that homogenization and. pasteurization is not the healthy way to. do it. The healthy way to do it is to. eat it fresh like it they like the. healthy way to do anything. And then it. becomes this industry with taking this. milk and changing it through this. process of homogenization and. pasteurization. Well, what happens to.

those people? What if you don't have to. homogenize and pasteurize milk and we. out of business? Listen, Charlie, I've. been giving you a lot of money all these. years. I supported you for governor in '. 84. I would support you again. We got to. make raw milk illegal now. Illegal for. your own safety. They arrest people for. selling raw milk. You can't get raw. cheese. Raw cheese is super [ __ ] hard. to get, man, because they want you to. use homogenized and pasteurized milk. Because if just some Joe Blow farmer who. has no access to homogenization or. pasteurization just starts selling his. milk and people actually like it, well,

the [ __ ] world could end. A real. problem. And and that's that's where. that's why the only thing we should all. be talking about is campaign finance. reform. the the idea that money in. politics, as long as there's money in. politics, you're going to have very. powerful wealthy interests controlling. even what the [ __ ] you eat. Well, yeah. And I think it's not a bad option. This. is what I want to want to say because if. you are in a lowinccome household and. you're in a situation where when you buy.

a gallon of milk, like that gallon of. milk needs to all be used and and stay. Yes. You need pasturized milk, right? And if it if you you know if it lasts. for a week and a half with. pasteurization but it only lasts 3 days. if it's raw that [ __ ] your family up. And I completely understand that. So. what we have to look at then if you're. looking at a holistic approach is how do. we eliminate that from civilized. society? How do we eliminate people that. are working in such poverty that they're. worried about their milk being bad if it.

goes 3 days? Like milk. How much is milk. cost? Like what is milk like four bucks. or something like that? That could for a. lot of people that's a dealbreaker. Like. they're they're they're really trying to. put it all together. That's kind of. [ __ ] up. That's kind of crazy that, you know, some guy could be working in. in a job all day every day and then they. take taxes out of that and then when you. look at it, he still doesn't have enough. money to eat natural food. That's where. the food stamps program comes from. That's all those things, all those. answers. But that's not the answer, right? The the answer is sort of a.

restructuring of how much your time is. worth. like what is and figuring out. also how how to find some way. I mean, it's the the the the society we live in. is really sort of like a really nutty. game, you know, and finding your spot in. that game and finding how exact points. from that game. what you just said is. finding your spots because what the as. technology grows exponentially and our. economy will start to change. exponentially. There isn't you've got to.

figure out how to make yourself useful. and traditional, you know, labor and. things is is not going to be worth and. and already is this case is not going to. be worth what it was when a robot can do. it and stuff. So then then where does. where does a human being where are you. what does your skill set have to be? My. guess is you're going to have to. constantly be taking classes and. constantly be changing and constantly be. keeping up with a with an economy that. is always moving at a the speed of life,

you know? I mean, it's it's moving very. quickly. The speed of life, that's a. funny thing to say, the speed of life. And that that's really what it is. Like. the speed of life is it's constantly. ever changing. And to think that somehow. or another you're obligated, you know, to to have a job. I've been a cobbler. My family were cobblers. What's going. on? I can't make shoes anymore. You. know, let's change. I can't change. Yeah. Well, either that or make some. shoes that are undeniably dope that. everybody wants to go to your shoe store. and and buy your handmade shoes because. they're so [ __ ] badass. But unless. you attain that sort of perfection at. your craft, you're not going to attract.

people, you know? You you're going to. have to find something that like imagine. if you like really into owning a record. store and you're like, "Man, look, everybody needs records." Okay, I tell. you, man, record store is always going. to be around. It's a great investment. I'm going to take my money. I'm going to. put it in records for record. Economists. always talk about this. The economists. always talk about how things become. obsolete and there's always got to be. that the the econ the capitalist economy. is based on the notion that here's how. they do it and I'm going to come along. and do it better for a premium. I I I'll. come up with a better way to do what. you're doing and that's the idea. You.

know that you always I got a better car. for you. You know your car's breaking. down. I got a better car. You know I. I'll fix that problem for you. Well sort. of. But yeah I mean we are always. constantly improving things and that's. one of the more fascinating things about. the human condition to me. You know, I. love that. I got this Apple retina. laptop thing. Look how skinny. So tiny. and light. I love that. I I love And you. don't need any more computers than that. It's not like I can I can Oh, but you're. so wrong. I do. If they come up with a. new one, it's better. But I'm just. saying that, you know, there's not a. huge difference. Like once you get that,

it's all you need. You know, it's very. easy now to get everything you need as. far as like a visual experience or, you. know, a um or just access to. information. I think to to try to deny. or slow down the idea that we're going. to continue to pump out newer, greater, crazier [ __ ] and that you're going to. continue to want it lustfully. It's. ridiculous at this point, you know? It's. [ __ ] ridiculous. It's just it's a. part of h what humans are. And your. attraction to it is just like your. attraction to tits. It doesn't make a.

whole lot of sense, especially if you. know you're never going to be able to. touch them, but a girl with great tits. can walk in your room and you just go, "Oh man, those [ __ ] things. the whole. [ __ ] What a good kid. You just look. at them. They're round and they move. when she moves and every girl in the. room is pissed cuz she's not wearing a. bra. Oh, that [ __ ] [ __ ] Look at I. can't believe she's not wearing a bra. What a [ __ ] [ __ ] Oh my god. I can't. believe she's not wearing a bra. She. shows up in my [ __ ] thing and she's. not even wearing a bra. This [ __ ]. pig. She shows up. Her tits are poking. out trying to suck every dick in the.

room. Yeah. Otherwise known as my type. women. I remember when I was with a. bunch of girls. I was like, I don't. know, a long time ago and and this girl. comes in and she had eyeliner on and she. had like she'd drawn a line around her. lips. She had this she was like really. kind of she had high heels and all the. girls were like, "Ew, look at how gross. she is. She's just so [ __ ] trash.". And I was like, "That's that's what I. call. 1,000% this guy's type. You [ __ ] you. [ __ ] boring white chicks from. Connecticut with your flat shoes and.

your shitty jeans. [ __ ] off. I was like the East Coast. holds those hot girls. Godamn doesn't. ever they hold them down. They ridicule. them. They think they're a bad part of. society. When women see girls dressing. [ __ ] or flirty, they [ __ ] hate. them. That's like boss and Irish chicks. [ __ ] that guy. That chick. Whereas nice. heels, you [ __ ] hooker. Does your. mother know you're out there sucking. [ __ ] for nickels? Exactly. Hey, that's attractive, honey.

I think I'll date you and not the. [ __ ] Italian princess over there. They'll hold her back. Oh god. With her. painted toes and her her [ __ ] skimpy. skirt. They hate haters. Hate her. Haters. Oh god. Sad. There's a lot of. haters out there, man. And that's it's a. sad thing that women can't express. themselves the way they want. I might be. that way, though. Like if I if I didn't. have outlets like like uh What do you. mean you might? No. No. No. In other. words, like if you if you were just a. dude and there was some guy who shows up. like [ __ ] shop shows up like with his. shirt off and the girls are all like, "I.

want to have sex with that guy." And. even your wife is like, "I love that. guy." Well, your wife's a [ __ ] Keep her. mouth shut. How about that? That's. [ __ ] When dudes when dudes bring. when dudes bring their wife over to me. sometimes and they'll say something. like, you know, you're you're the one on. the uh on the list. Like you're she's. allowed up. What are you talking about, stupid? Like why are you accepting that. from her? You know why? Why would you. let anybody? At least guys are like, "Look, shut the [ __ ] up. If your wife. says, "Oh, I think Brennon Chop's hot. I. think she's an asshole." Right. Right.

Right. If you're married to some. chicken, she does that. Just like you're. a douchebag. If you you make her feel. like that, right? Exactly. If you do. that on purpose, that's that's No, but. I'm just saying that that is a guy you. have outlets. It doesn't matter. A lot. of guys are better looking. I just go, "Yeah, I make you laugh, so [ __ ] you.". And you like me anyway. Cuz you have a. reoccurring theme. I do. You have a. reoccurring theme where you're accepting. you're you're like you're like, "Look, I'm not the this. I'm not the that, I'm. not the this, I'm not the that, but I'm. the this. You know, that's like this. reoccurring thing. Like it is very. self-defining, you know. I've been I've.

been writing a script about that. Yeah. Yeah. But a guy tries to become Let that. [ __ ] go. No way. Who's going to start in. Paul Riser? Yes, he is. Paul Riser. And. Paul Riser. No, no disrespect to Paul. Riser. I just I loved him in Aliens. Yeah, that was his greatest movie ever. I auditioned for Paul Riser once. Did. you ever see him in Aliens? Yes. It wasn't a funny role at all. It. was like a really creepy guy role and he. [ __ ] nailed it. His acting was was so. believable, man. [ __ ] He played a. real creep, man. And he did an awesome.

job. That's That's a Oh, a great role. I. was amazed that he never did more. serious roles cuz he was so good in. that. I mean, maybe he didn't enjoy it, you know? I mean, he was in one of the. greatest horror movies of all time. I. mean, why not just like cut your losses? But he went and did like a lot of. comedies, but he was awesome. You just. made so much money. I'm mad about you. I. think you know you make $50 million. You. we had some cameramen that said that. Helen Hunt was mean and they I've heard. that. Yeah. She people get sick. They.

get She probably wanted to be in theater. or perhaps film. She won an Oscar. I. actually I've actually had a couple. conversations with her. Very cool. You. never know. I mean she didn't want to be. on that shitty sitcom. Yeah, that I. understand after that [ __ ] is torture. Sixth year. like and I would I do not I. mean I I am absolutely not saying oh. poor them to you folks out there go hey. yeah I'll take that [ __ ] job in a. heartbeat and I know you would and. you're right in saying that and yes it. is a good job but there's something.

about doing a really bad show that is. soul stealing it's weird I've only been. involved in one bad sitcom ever I've. done some pilots that were so bad that I. was hiding in my dressing room cuz the. see I need good funny people around if. I'm doing TV show could be shitty. If I. like the people around me, I'll I'll. bear with it for a long time because the. acting gets in the way and I'm just. [ __ ] around all day. You didn't do. many pilots. I've only did I did like. one one big pilot. It was an interesting. one for this thing called Overseas. Oh,

yeah. I remember I tested for that. I. remember you got that. Yeah. They uh I. was on news radio and he was trying to. find one guy to play this like a. Peacecore group of Peace Corp guys. Yeah. It was like something along those. lines. It was funny actually. I thought. it was really funny. You know, who knows. why people do and and don't do certain. projects or why some pilots go and then. other shows that are just terrible. Just. stay on the air for a long period of. time. It doesn't make any sense. But the. process is [ __ ] hard. It's not easy.

to do. It's like creating a new show and. figuring out the right way to do it and. the right character and you know and. then how much wacky neighbor do we need. and this is not that's like a super. complicated thing. It's chemistry, right? It's like all these moving parts. have to work in, you know, uh, Alec. Baldwin said one time, when a movie is. successful, it's a [ __ ] accident. And. and the reason it's an accident is there. are so many moving parts that any little. thing can go wrong, including the. weather, including some crazy who shoots. up a movie theater, including whatever.

it might be. And if nothing if. everything isn't working perfectly, uh, and he uses the Jim the Jim Carrey, the. Ace Ventura thing. He was doing the. getaway. It was this huge movie. Kim. Bassinger, him, they were the, you know, the remake of the Steve McQueen thing. It's the biggest movie and along comes. and they were they were going to be. number one. No, always tracking that. way. And along comes this little movie. called Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and. [ __ ] just steals the whole show, you. know? And he was saying if a movie does. really well, it's a [ __ ] accident,

man. Everything's got to be It's a Well, Ace Ventura, Pet Detective, probably did. great cuz they let Jim Carrey do. whatever the [ __ ] he wanted to do cuz. nobody saw that coming. Nobody saw that. coming. And they're like, "Look, we got. Jim Carrey." Yeah. What are you going to. do, Jim? Good. This character does this. [ __ ] wacky, over-the-top [ __ ] And. everybody loves it. I died. Yeah. I had. so many people I saw like critically at. the time, they were just destroying that. movie and talking about what a piece of. [ __ ] it is. I was dying. I was howling. But that that idea that everybody needs. to do the same kind of comedy is so.

stupid. Like, you can't appreciate a. wacky I know that you like Lewis Black, but can't you like a wacky guy, too? Like it's like what do you why are you. like holding be a comedy snob man. What. about Did you see Bert Wondersstone? How. did that movie do? I don't know what. that is. I heard I heard it was awful. Oh yeah. What is it? It's a magic car. and and Steve Carell and all that. It's. a new movie. Wait, isn't he didn't he. get in trouble because he was making fun. of Charlton H? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, he did. I didn't see the video. You want. to watch it? Let's pull it up.

Apparently, he did some controversial. video where he was uh he was mocking. Charlton. H. And you know, one of his famous. expressions, dirty hands off me, you No, no, no, no, no. From you, you know, you. take my rifle when you pry my cold dead. cold. Yeah. Well, apparently, uh, Jim. Car, Michael Moore took that out of. context, too. Apparently, Michael Moore, there's no out of context. There's no. out of context when you say, "You'll. take my rifle out of my cold, dead. hands." It's impossible to take that out. of context. You only say that when.

either A, you're joking around, or B, you're [ __ ] psycho. There's one or. two things. And I think that Charlton H. was a [ __ ] psycho. There's a third. thing. He was just being dramatic. Yeah, he's a psycho. That guy liked guns. And. yeah, you were going to have to kill him. for it. Do we have that video? Is it the. funny or die video? I think it is. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see this cuz I This is This. is the first time seeing it. It's Hehaw. Why did the Ben Twiloquist quit.

drinking? You sound like a real dumb. Don't worry. Well, hi and howdy fine folks and. welcome back to Heihaw. We This is a. really long video. So, hold on. Charlton. H for joining us. Walter, it's an. absolute pleasure to be here in the. sight of God. unihaw. But who would be laughing if it. weren't for the patriots who answer the.

call of freedom? Well, I'm the aliens. They would exploit our every weakness. and suck the brains out of every living. soul. They'd be laughing, but not like. you and me. They'd. [Music]. go This is making me dumber just. watching it. Yeah. It's on funny or die. It's a five minute. video though. Six minute video. Are. people really upset about this?

It's not that good. It was on CNN. pain. and. fear. Charlton H movies are no longer in. demand. And his immortal soul may lay. forever in the sand. The angels wouldn't. take him up. He's fake masturbating with. a gun in his hand. gun from his cold. dead. [Music]. hand. It takes a cold hand to decide to.

pull the trigger. This is We're watching mental. illness. This is madness. Did anybody. put that together, watched it, and went, I think it's good. Let's let this out. Man, is your allergies really [ __ ]. you up right now? No. No. No. Why? No. Cuz it's like super extreme outside. right now. like for indoor for dust and. dander. I don't have um I don't have. allergies. Me neither. I'm lucky. Yeah, I'm lucky. Yeah, except uh a gluten.

People get so stupid about how the [ __ ]. I don't think I've ever seen a thing. like watched a cartoon or something like. that and been offended like what are you. talking about? Well, how can anybody be. offended? The only I I'm offended that. they stole 3 minutes of my time, right? Watching Jim Carrey do a guy that died. 80 years ago. My belief system isn't. that shoddy that I that I'm you know. you're going to say something that's. going to throw me into a loop. A tizzy. Well, not only that, but because there's. a reaction to that where you you uh I. mean, he's obviously knowing that what. he's doing is sort of controversial. So, in in in in that in like sort of.

accepting that what he's doing and what. he's making fun of is like so mild cuz. it's like the fact that he's doing it at. all is what's supposed to be uh. controversial about it. You know, he's. going to mock Charlton H. So, you've got. like this artificial like energy that. you think is attached to a bit, but. that's not attached to a bit for me. Okay? Because it's not controversial to. me. It's not at all. So, it's just kind. of dumb. Like, why are you even thinking. about Charlton H? You're talking about a. dead guy that said something weird a. long time ago. Like, if you were really.

if you really had something to say, it. should be a lot funnier than that. I. agree. Like, that's silly. Yeah. It's. silly. It's the It's the It's folly. Yeah. But you always wonder like a guy. like Jim Carrey who starts off his. career with that sort of Ace Ventura. thing where he's just or Fire Marshall. Bill. Remember that? Completely over the. top. Hilarious [ __ ] Yeah. You can't do. that when you're 60. No. Okay. Nobody. wants to see Jerry Lewis with his. [ __ ] fake Japanese teeth when he's. 60. You didn't want to see that. You. know, you you you don't mind it when. he's 25 or 30. It's kind of silly and.

wacky, but you there's a transitionary. period for those types of comedians. where it gets weird. [ __ ] gets weird. when they're hitting 40, you know, like. Emo Phillips like sort of sort of sort. of dropped that thing. Yeah. You know, he would do a thing like this where he. would move all around the stage and talk. kind of crazy. I can't even I can't I've. never got that. It hurts my brain. But. he doesn't do it anymore. He can't do it. anymore. Now, I mean, now he does stand. up, right? So, it's like you're you're. in you're you're in a trap like you. you're in a you're you're looking at a.

beautiful flower and it ain't going to. last. That's right. It ain't going to. last. You better learn how to reinvent. yourself right quick. It's [ __ ] hard. Well, Bobcat Goe eventually sort of. reinvented himself. I think he was held. by that sort of screaming, which is. hilarious. I mean, when you nail. something as good as his character, it. must be so hard to let go. Yeah. I mean, that character, that Bobcat Gway. character, I mean, he did so many of. those [ __ ] police academy movies, he. did comedy specials. You ever seen, you. ever listen to Meet Bob, his uh CD? It's.

[ __ ] great. Yeah. Bob Bob's I know. him. I mean, I've worked with him. I've. worked with him twice and he's a great. guy. He's a really smart dude who's. really kind of understated and quiet. Actually, the exact opposite of that, but he had to he he had abandoned the. Bobcat character. Do you know who. [ __ ] makes me laugh? Do you know one. of the funniest human beings on a. [ __ ] planet is? Um um uh Oh god. Uh. who who talk to God? Oh my god, just hanging out with that. guy. Oh my god. Well, he's a real old.

school legit comic, you know? I mean, he's he's he's been around forever. Gilbert's been legit forever and he. still he'll still tweet ridiculous [ __ ]. and get fired from campaigns and [ __ ]. and it's just because that's who he is, you know, and he's awesome, you know? I. celebrate that [ __ ] I I think that the. kind of guys who say like really. ridiculous, preposterous [ __ ] and. offensive [ __ ] like like a Gilbert. Godfrey and do it on a regular basis. Like that's why is it okay for you to. have a movie where you're pretending. that you're a bad guy shooting cops? Why.

is that okay? And it's not okay for. Gilbert Godfrieded to pretend to be some. callous crazy man who's making fun of. AIDS. I called him up. I called him up. to an AIDS for children with AIDS. benefit that I do every year. And I. couldn't I could I couldn't even The. minute he heard he goes, "Fuck the kids. with AIDS. Tell them to stop using. drugs. [ __ ] them." And he just kept. saying over and over again. I was. [ __ ] dying. I'm telling you to use a. condom. I'm not doing it. They just.

wouldn't let me get a point. And then he. hung up on me. I was like, "All right, he's legit. He's the real deal." You. know, hilarious. He's a real comic. He's. so funny. Do you know that feeling like. that? Like, well, yeah, it's a real. comic. You know, we all have that thing, you know, where there's there's there's. Yeah, but what is it? It's It's a It's. being when you say that and you he's a. real comic and I know exactly what you. mean. Not being some phony [ __ ] You're. not being phony. You're being You're. being you know, you believe the person. You go that that's who that guy is, man. For better or for worse, that's who he.

is on stage. If you run into a comic at. the airport and it's like Chucky. Mcfuckle Sticks and like some some dude. that's hacking it up around uh all over. the country and you know one of those. guys you just like oh Jesus like oh. you'll hide your head and look down and. but if you you see Bill Burr you know. you're going to go like Bill what's up. like it's like you feel good about the. world you see a guy like Bill Burr you. go oh that guy's legit that's a real guy. a real human being I can actually have a. conversation with well not only that I. mean it's like when you run into them.

you If you run into a fellow comedian, it's like it's a it's a sort of a a rare. fraternity. You there's not a lot of us. out there. No. If you get lucky and and. run into one when you're on you speak a. language, you know, there's an intimacy. there that like sort of that you know. that you can't they have an experience. that most people haven't had, you know, that you have and you can't really share. with other people as much, you know, like just the road. It must be like that. with everything. I mean, it must be like. that for brain surgeons, you know. Imagine if you're like some famous. neurosurgeon and all a sudden you're on. a flight with another famous.

neurosurgeon like oh what what have you. been using for techniques and you find. it that stops blood clots you know like. it's it seems like that would be the. case with everything you know just like. sort of Mashi was talking about that you. find you know whatever it is you find. what it is well because it's a language. I mean you know it's a language. everything is a language you know you. you get more and more fluent with things. I mean think about what jiu-jitsu is. jiu-jitsu is a language man it's a. physical language you know Um, and there. are answers to what what somebody gives. to you and and and and somebody who.

doesn't speak that language is [ __ ]. Yeah. You know, everything is that way. And by the way, it's also it part of. that language is rhythm. There's a. rhythm. There's a there's a speed. There's a tempo to everything that you. do. And it varies on what you're doing. You know, there there's a and and your. personality informs what that rhythm is. You know, some guys when they do. jiu-jitsu are [ __ ] explosive and. crazy. And other guys are really passive. and just they lock you up when they need. to. It just all depends on what your. expression of the thing it is you're.

doing, you know. And you can always feel. and you can always tell when someone is. authentic. Not only because they last. for a long time, but I really think. human beings if you're keyed in. We all. have antenna for what's legit. We all. have like like sensitive antenna for. what's you can get fooled for a little. while when you're young. But at the end. of the day, you know, I think we all. have a sort of a I think if you're lying. to yourself, you can get fooled fairly. easily. And I think that's the thing. with these scams. And most people are. lying to themselves. Most people have to.

lie to themselves in order to keep a job. or a wife or a husband or you know. there's a yeah there's a lot of people. that have to kind of [ __ ] themselves. you know and uh it not it's not even. that they have to [ __ ] themselves. It also could be that they got on a path. of bullshitting themselves at one point. in time to sort of accept now it's too. thick and too many responsib. uh he had done movies. Okay. But he was. still full of [ __ ] He was like a movie.

star but he would lie to you. He would. lie to you about like fake kickboxing. matches that he had. Talk to you about. all these different things that he was. doing he definitely wasn't doing. He. would just make [ __ ] up. Wow. So he he. had still been connected to all this. whatever whatever negative thing that he. had held on to, he still never realized. how to let it go while he was advancing. in all these other areas in his life. So. while he was becoming a successful. millionaire movie star, he was also. still a liar. You see that a lot, man. Strange. I know I know somebody who's.

got just this like on paper their life. is so [ __ ] amazing. They're really. good-looking, lots of money, crazy nice. house, healthy, great kids, successful, and they are taking lots of. anti-depressants just to get out of bed. because there's something [ __ ] And. it's not a chemical thing so much for. them. It's just this malaise, dissatisfaction, anxiety they're always. suffering from. Well, I think it's also. an example, an excellent example of that. super complicated machine being run by.

an incompetent driver. If it's not an. emotional or it's not a a a chemical. problem in your brain, if it's not a. disease or a disorder that's giving you. the wrong amount of hormones and it's. some sort of a a behavioral issue that. you've picked up over the years and a. pattern that you keep repeating over and. over again, that's a sign of someone who. was given a very complicated thing, a. human life, and didn't know how to [ __ ]. to drive it, right? Just slammed it into. trees and [ __ ] it up and got it hooked. on meth and just went crazy with it.

didn't know what it was doing, right? Instead of someone who like who had. never lived in a physical form, ethereal. in nature, and the the universe gives. you an opportunity. Hey, listen. We've. got an opening down on Earth. If you. want, uh we have uh a baby human. available, loving household. Everyone is. dedicated to the idea of taking this. baby human and developing it into a full. form functional human being. So, you've. got an excellent support system behind. you, but you're going to have to start. from scratch. Okay? You're going to no.

no no knowledge whatsoever right out of. the gate. You're going to have to uh. people will teach you at first and then. you're going to have to develop a. voracious appetite for knowledge. All in. all, it's going to take about [ __ ] 30. years before you even know how to. [ __ ] do anything correctly or fit in. with the other people in your realm. But. hey, it's better than being gas. So, what do you want to do? Do you want to. be a spirit in the next stage of. afterlife? Or do you want to take a. [ __ ] chance and ride a human flesh. machine to the brink of the end of.

civilization? Come on, [ __ ] What are. you going to live forever? I like that. You should like that's a really cool um. theme to to write a story about. You. want to be gas or you want to ride this. human flesh machine? It's very possible. that rap that's what happened. Yeah. I. mean, this idea of like the the world. being a simulation, maybe it's not a. simulation in in a sense that maybe the. whole thing's [ __ ] crazy and blips in. and out of realities and maybe you are. some sort of gaseous soul form in.

another dimension and then you live this. life as a person and then you pop out in. the other side and you're some other. thing. It's so crazy you can't even. imagine it right now because it's not in. the realm of experiences that a human. can possibly experience on his earth. So. much like having a crazy six g mushroom. trip, until you've done it, you don't. you can't even imagine what you're. talking about here. You can't imagine. it. And so when you're talking about it, you're just talking nonsense. You're. just making noises with your mouth. So. when we leave this and move to the next. thing, if it is, if there is such a. reality, it's possible that the next.

thing will be so [ __ ] strange, you. can't even imagine. Like instead of. thinking about ourselves as this. disconnected uh human being driving. around in cars and using the internet, the next thing could be no physical body. at all, but but just constantly. connected with a tangible feeling of. contact of other entities and life forms. and souls and patterns. That's almost. like being part of the matrix, part of.

the internet, right? I mean, yeah, if. you think about, you know, that that's. certainly what I'm just listening I'm. relisting to [ __ ] all the Socrates. and they say, you know, you're you're. kind of imprisoned by this body, this. body that kind of breaks down. This body. that distracts you constantly with your. appetites with with food, sex, and and. just pain, sleep, and all the things. And it distracts you from the work at. hand, the real work that that this. contemplation on on, you know, the. truth, getting to the truth of of the. essence of things and and life. And it's. true. It's like if you think about it,

the idea is he says he as he was dying, he goes, "Look, man, I spent my whole. life trying to separate myself from this. physical body. Like I treat all my. appetites with quiet contempt." He says, "Finally, I get to be rid of this [ __ ]. and and just be a mind." And he was like. really looking forward to it. It's kind. of profound. That's a great statement. that he treats all of his appetites with. quiet content. That's a great statement. And so many intellectuals sort of share. that feeling. They call it the. philosophers journey. You hunger or your. sexuality or anything. Yes, it is a.

distraction. It is It should be treated. with quiet content as you get older. No, it should it should be treated as the. last [ __ ] gasps of a fun life. Jesus. Christ. When you want to just sit around. with no boners on your couch reading a. dumb book. Well, the idea the idea is is. actually getting to the essence of the. truth is more fun, you know, but uh and. it's, you know, it's it's getting to the. essence of the truth is more fun. But. ultimately, if you are to believe that. this is a temporary existence, it's. fruitless. It doesn't matter. You should.

be enjoying this ride. That was. Aristotle's rebuttal to Socrates. Aristotle said, "Yes, yes, we should try. to strive to be just a mind. But by the. way, watch a woman give child birth and. you tell me we're not physical [ __ ]. beings. We're physical beings with. appetites, and you can get yourself to a. point where you feel really good. physically and mentally, so why not do. that?" You know what I always say when. it comes to Socrates? This is an. important one to repeat. Whenever. anybody says anything about Socrates, you should always include Yeah. And you. know, he [ __ ] a lot of dudes. He. actually didn't, but yes, I love all his.

friends did. That's he [ __ ] some boys. Socrates [ __ ] some boys. Well, well, one of the things that um Credo always. complains about is he tried to seduce. him and seduce him because he was. married with two kids and he could never. do it. Socrates tried to seduce him. No. No. Credo tried to seduce him. Socrates. seduce Socrates. Yeah. They talk about. that [ __ ] standing there during. the war and he used to he could nobody. nobody they said could withstand lack of. sleep, cold and lack of food better than. Socrates. Nobody can drink more wine and. stay sober. And one day he stopped and. he started thinking and the soldiers go,

"Oh [ __ ] he's on a jag. He's thinking.". And they all sat there and watched him. think and they took bets on how long. he'd stand in one place. And pretty soon. the sun started to come down. They. pulled their [ __ ] CS out to watch him. sleep. and he stood there all [ __ ]. night figuring out this problem, the. answer to an issue, to a problem. Meanwhile, I bet that's a lie. I bet. that never happened. I bet people. exaggerate the [ __ ] out of everything. talking about. We did that about your. talking about that guy didn't even know. them. We did that about my talking about.

No, I'm saying we all do that about our. teachers. Like your your fight teacher, you know, he can jump over trains, right? What? Yeah. Yeah. He studies this. kung fu that allows him to kill moose. with his [ __ ] bare hands. Yeah. Who. knows, man. When you get to those kind. of stories, it's like, god, what really. did happen? Who is who is responsible. for writing down the actual events of. the time? And it's funny because if you. just go with human nature, we would. always think, yeah, what's wrong with a. littleberation? I'm going to spice it.

up. Good for the Romans. Look, we did a. great job. We brought them civilization. and we didn't kill that many babies, you. know, like they say we killed babies. Like whatever, man. There are people. with insane powers of concentration that. can sit and not move for um 24 hours. Yeah. They're they're they're autistic. Yeah. Well, no, they're there there are. people who like they Somerset mom wrote. a book called the Don't argue with me, bro. I won't, bro. I got this one. You're actually you're actually you're. actually if you're intense, you'll play.

Quake for 15 [ __ ] hours. Well, that's. why I won't play it. That's not That's. pretty amazing. You You've always been. insanely intense about [ __ ] I remember. I said, "Hey, you should try golf." You. go, "I'm not [ __ ] playing golf. If. you get into it, it'll be over." No, I. can. No. Just No. No. Cuz you'll go. crazy. Yeah. If I If I got into golf and. started taking golf lessons, I would. play golf all day. That [ __ ] takes a. long time. Like if I could play pool, you know, you can play pool for a half. hour. You can go and you go, "Hey, I got. a half hour. You want to hit some balls. around?" And you can enjoy yourself for. a half hour. Golf is five hours. Yeah. Every time you do it, right? You got to.

walk. You got to follow I take a cart. Whatever you got to do. You got to. drive. Then you got to follow. You're. hitting this thing and it's [ __ ] Why. do you take a cart? It's kind of a [ __ ]. move. Cuz I get exhausted playing golf. Something weak [ __ ] Some things make me. feel like I have diabetes. Tag with my. 5-year-old and [ __ ] and [ __ ] golf. Some [ __ ] is just too I don't know. I. can't. It's ridiculous. You're talking. about jiu-jitsu and kettle bells. I want. one of those chimp kettle bells. I'll do. that [ __ ] right now. I can't walk though. and play golf. It's too much. It's. exhaust. I get exhausted. It's too much. It's I walked a mile. My legs a mile.

It's crazy. I can't. If I'm bored, I I. [ __ ] I fall asleep. Well, you. remember the uh the Steve Vanella. hunting thing which comes out uh April. 28th on Sportsman Network where Brian. and I went out to Is that what it is? The Sportsman Network? Uh it's Outdoors. Channel, I think. Outdoor. I I loved. watching it. Joe and I just watched it. and I was so I was so all these great. memories were brought back. But I was. really impressed. I thought it was they. did they did a really good job, man. They shot it well. They edited it well. It was funny. Great music. By the way,

this is [ __ ] man. Sportsman's. channel. It It has a 2.1 rating on. IMDb. What [ __ ] silly liberals. We're. going to be famous. Here's the thing. First of all, that is so wrong cuz it is. a great show. It is. That is a This is. the only show, okay? If you if you are. like me and you have. any if you eat meat, okay, and you have. any desire for some sort of an. intellectual connection to the animal.

that you eat, there's not a lot of. people that represent you. If you're. like a thinking person, there's not a. lot of people that represent you in the. sportsman's world. We have this idea. that sportsmen and hunters are this like. these idiots, these these [ __ ]. numbminded Republican Republican robots, and they're out there just [ __ ]. shooting animals cuz they're evil. Watch. this show because this is not that at. all. This is Steve Reanella, who's a. good friend now to Brian and myself.

He's uh an awesome guy and a really. well- read individual with a deep. knowledge of especially um the history. of the um colonization of the west and. and a deep love for animals. By the way, a deep love for animals and an. understanding of the whole process of. acquiring your own meat. And the way he. does it is he does it through this idea. It's called fair chase hunting where you. know he's not they like sometimes. they'll like set up and I don't have a. problem with this. I'm just saying that. this is one of the ways that people go.

hunting. It makes it more effective. Like you'll set out bait and the animal. will come to the food and then when it's. at the food you're hiding in a blind and. you shoot it. That's like super common. drunk. That's that's Ted that's Ted. Nett's entire show. And by the way, I. like Ted Nent and I like Ted Nan's show. I don't agree with him on a lot of his. things that he says, especially when it. comes to politics and and and there's a. lot of nonsense in a lot of his words, but I think uh he's a fascinating. character and he's out there shooting. animals and telling everybody to go [ __ ]. themselves. He shot a coyote in the head.

with a with a air rifle on the show and. then was like, "Oh, look. A great. coyote." Threw it in the back of his. This is Ted [ __ ] n killed the coyote. with an air rifle. Yeah. Think about. this. This is not I mean this is like. he's a big rock star and at one point in. time when I was a kid, Ted Nent was. [ __ ] huge. Double Gonzo, dude. To. this day, Strangle Hold is one of my. alltime favorite classic rock hits. [ __ ]. yeah. That [ __ ] the live version. You. got me in that goddamn strangle.

amazing. He's He's crazy though. But I. like him, you know? I know. Not I don't. like I mean I don't like everything. about him. I don't like him all across. the board, but Steve Vanilla represents. a completely different take. He's not. Ted Nent's leaving bait out. He shoot He. shot three deer with a bow and arrow in. the first 15 minutes of the show the. other day. I mean, I don't even know. I. mean, how many they let you shoot? How. do you eat that much? He's got a lot. He. gives away a lot. He gives away Yeah. Yeah. Hunters for the homeless or. Hunters for the Hungry rather. That's.

cool. Yeah, they did. They No, they No. animal goes to waste. They They mean he. has a guy that butchers his [ __ ] He's. shown it on the show before. That's not. I mean Ted N is not doing that. He's. definitely given a lot of uh food away. He just likes doing it, you know, and. whatever, man. What the [ __ ] I mean, why is that bad? But the guy who runs. this dairy farm or, you know, is. slaughtering steers to make your. cheeseburger, that guy's acceptable. Like, it doesn't make any sense. the way. he's doing it, even the way Ted N is. doing it by leaving out bait and. shooting it with an arrow when it comes.

to eat. So [ __ ] what? That's still. way more ethical, way smarter. Like, why. wouldn't you do that? Don't you have. some extra corn? What do you want to. trapes around the [ __ ] forest looking. for some animal? Just leave the corn. out. Shoot it. Well, what's the goal? The goal is you to shoot it. Until. you've been out there at 5 in the. morning freezing your dick off after. sleeping in a tent, you you [ __ ]. you'd use bait right quick. Especially. if you were hungry, man. Yeah. This guy, Steve Reanella, though, he doesn't do. any of that. His is all fair chase. hunting. And he's a really bright guy. And we have this really ignorant.

stereotype that people that grew up in. sort of hunting, fishing backgrounds are. dummies. You know, a lot of people do. A. lot of uh people who don't have any. experience in hunting. And I think the. the beautiful thing about this show is. the guy's a [ __ ] great writer. I. mean, he's a great writer. His book Meat. Eater is a very good book. [ __ ] yeah. It's very he's the descriptions or you. they captivate you like he's he's got a. really intelligent way. I learned a lot. from Yeah. Yeah. So, uh well, I don't.

even know what point was my point. You. were talking about the difference. between blind hunting and a blind or or. fair chase hunting. Yeah. But I was. talking about something before that. I. don't I don't remember what the hell it. was. That's called going on a tangent, son. [ __ ] But the um there's people. that have a problem with basically. anything that people do. Yeah, there's. people that have what about all the. restaurants everywhere you go that are. serving meat? Like why are you freaking. out about certain specific situations. where you find meat, you know, and why. is it really meat? Cuz are what are. these animals going to do if you don't.

eat them? Are they just going to live. forever? Or if they're not going to live. forever, they're going to live a certain. amount of time and then what happens to. the meat? Is it okay to feed it to dogs. once they die of old age? Is that is. that allowed? You know, what what do we. do as humans to control the population? Do we have to spend a lot of money on. sterilization programs? What if our. health deteriorates because we're not. eating as much animal protein and other. countries take over and start dominating. us? You know, what if Marcy ran the. army? Do you know how quickly we'd be. overrun with the army? You know how. quickly the Soviets would [ __ ] take. over? You think Putin would stand it if.

Morsy won? If Marcy became the president. of the United States, shadows with a. gun, these [ __ ] meattheaded, thick, tree trunk necked Russian cosmonauts. would come running over and just. dominate this country. Jesus Christ. If. we all turned into a bunch of. vegetarians. That's a tr We live in a. hard world, ladies and gentlemen. Okay? And you can't run it on lentils. You. just can't. [Laughter]. Oh, politics by Joe Rogan. You can't run. it on lentils, you silly [ __ ] That's. why India hasn't won. I don't think they. won a medal last Olympics. Like, come.

on, guys. You got a billion people. I. love Indians. I'm not making fun anybody. from India. I love India. I love But but. like you're not athletic. They're not as. athletic as some countries. Sweden like. it's got seven million people. They win. like like [ __ ] 50 gold like 50 medals. in Olympics cuz all the girls are. hot trying really hard to get laid and. the only way to do that is be awesome at. a sport. [ __ ] yeah. That's the quickest. way. Or be funny. Yeah. Well, even. that's not provable enough as a young. man. You can't [ __ ] with the. quarterback. True. You know, a guy who's.

a basketball star, that guy that guy the. guy who hits the home runs, that guy. wins. That guy wins. Yeah. I was a. wrestler. They didn't come out to see me. in my [ __ ] single at at 125 pounds. did not give a [ __ ] about us [ __ ] about. that. Yeah, they didn't give a [ __ ]. about wrestlers and they certainly. weren't into [ __ ] karate guys. Oh, you're a karate guy. Great. What do. you wear? Pajamas and [ __ ] stick your. feet in people's face. You know how. stupid that is? No, we can't have sex. Get out of here. But the [ __ ] quarterbacks, they just. have to beat them off with sticks. You.

get out of here, you [ __ ]. opportunistic hooker. I'm going to go. practice my sidekick. I'll be right. back. Yeah, they they they're like, "What are. you doing? Why do you do that? Where do. you do it? What do you do that? That's. you. That's all you do. Flashy. It's not. very flashy. Don't you play another. sport?" Even the UFC now, you see these. guys who like badasses and a lot of. girls are like, "I don't know. Those. guys hit each other. Their ears are all. weird." What? What are you talking. about? Those those guys have to beat it. off with sticks in that in their circle. They sure are. You crazy. What? What.

girls? Any girl that's like, "Yeah, they. hit each other. That's that is a broken. [ __ ] that doesn't want to go on a wild. ride. UFC guys don't get the same kind. of attention that basketball football. players do, man. I mean, what are you. crazy? You think like a guy like Chuck. Dell in his prime? You have never seen. anything like that in the face of the. earth. You've never seen [ __ ] Genghask. Khan. That guy would show up when Chuck. Liddell was the [ __ ] champion in the. UFC when he's UFC light heavyweight. champion. He would walk into a club. He. would He would You've never seen gravity. like this. He would suck in hot titted.

asteroids just boom boom. He was like. Jupiter absorbing. They were just. hugging him, wanting to take pictures. with him and hugging him, wanting to. take pictures with him. Dude, it was a. swarm. It was like, have you seen that. commercial for World War Z where all the. zombies swarm? That's what it was. When. Chuck Liddell would show up, girls would. just flock to him. He's the gladiator. They couldn't help. They wanted to meet. him. They wanted to talk to him. And the. guy like literally couldn't move through. the room. You never seen anything like. it. My buddy hung with Mike Tyson in. Vegas said the same thing. Oh, sure. For. sure. Had no idea. Especially because in.

Vegas a lot of those girls are drunk. And when you're drunk, that's when the. real thoughts come out and you're like, I'm going to go take a picture with my. Where the [ __ ] your DNA? Your DNA takes. over. I don't give a [ __ ] I'm going to. tell him right now. I'll suck his [ __ ]. I don't give a [ __ ] That's Mike Tyson. I'm going to do it, [ __ ] You go. Meanwhile, no girl would support that. Like, you [ __ ] [ __ ] Oh my god. I. want to meet him, too, but I want you to. suck his dick first. Oh my. god. Oh my god. He loves I guess in his. in his in his uh his oneman show, he.

starts by saying, "Yeah, like does he. mean one of those cocoa cups? in his let. me get one of those two buddy in in his. one man show he basically says he puts. up the the number I didn't see it but he. said puts up the number 400 million and. he goes I lost all that money 400 [ __ ]. damn I made 400 million and I lost $400. million [ __ ] you know but that's what. happens when you just buy a bunch of. tigers and just like [ __ ] everything. you know well it's also the the kind of. mentality that allows you to become a. prize fighter the the kind of mentality. that allows you to be a person who risks.

his health and you know runs at men in a. in a in a boxing ring and smashes their. brains. You you know you're thinking. about the moment, man. You're thinking. about training for your next fight. You're thinking about months of. preparation. You're thinking about the. fight itself. You probably also have to. be a little like uh you have to be. pretty aggro, right? I mean, oh yeah, yeah, for sure. But it's also like. someone telling you what you can and. can't do with your money. Be like, "Bitch, I'm Hector Kamacho. I'll do. whatever the [ __ ] I want. I'm going to. get Macho Man in diamonds. Suck my. dick." Okay. That's what it's going to.

say. Macho Man, suck my dick. You can do whatever you want. I mean, if. you're a champion, it's almost like you. have to have that mentality to be that. Mike Tyson type of a character. You. know, Bernard Hopkins is like famously. frugal. You know, he uh he's just a. smart, disciplined guy that's still at. 48 years old world champion. Yeah. It's. the craziest thing I've ever heard. No. one's ever done that before. No one's. ever done at 48 years old and looked. [ __ ] good. He looked great. He boxed. the [ __ ] out of that dude. It wasn't It. wasn't a close It's a crazy He's a.

master. He's a master. He's a [ __ ]. master. He's a master boxer, but he's. like super frugal, you know? But his. style is like super frugal. That's why. at 48 years old, he's still in the mix. Whereas a guy like Mike Tyson was. just he [ __ ] he raged for a few years. and then done. Mike Tyson and Bernard. Hopkins, they were boxing at the same. time. You know, Bernard Hopkins is. older. Yeah. Bernard Hopkins is the. older man and they were box and Bernard. Hopkins is still a world champion. still. speaks fluent. Like has no voice.

problems. So articulate. So articulate. He does not get hit very often and he. knows how to roll with things. He's. never been hurt. Never been hurt. Even. when he's been tagged, like he's been. tagged by guys and dropped by them, you. know? He just starts boxing and he's. disciplined as [ __ ] and he sticks that. [ __ ] boxing game in your face and. slowly but surely he starts to overwhelm. you. When he beat Kelly Pavick and he. goes, he grabbed him apparently and he. said, "Don't let this ruin you." Yeah. you know, he uh he knew he was going to. beat him when he walked in the ring. Like to be that good, Kelly Pavoc was a.

[ __ ] killer. That's a that's an ex. exceptional fight, but the defining. fight was Felix Trinidad cuz Felix. Trinidad was thought to be a destroyer. I mean, people were setting up Felix. Trinidad to to, you know, fight all. these super fights. Wasn't going to. fight Oscar De La Hoya. He's going to. fight like a lot of different people. Like Felix Trinidad was a killer. He's a. serious highlevel dangerous threat. And. Bernard Hopkins boed his [ __ ] face. off. He just boxed his [ __ ] ears off. Incredible. And and just shut him down.

And it was amazing that people thought. that Trinidad was the favorite going. into that fight because Bernard Hopkins. [ __ ] dominated him. I mean, he. dominated him and he stopped him and it. ended Felix Trinidad. Felix Trinidad was. never the same after that fight. That. was that was the fight where he just. like hit the wall. They say fighters. always have one fight that like even get. hit one time by one. It's one punch. usually that kind of changes their whole. mix. Well, he can. A lot of people say. like GSP was not the same fighter. He.

became very conservative and careful. after he got knocked out by um uh Matt. Well, he definitely became more. conservative, but where he controls you. rather than GSP, which you got to look. at. And people say, "Oh, you know, does. is GSP slowing down or is GSP this or is. GSP that? You know, is his time over or. there's new guys going to beat him?". There's always going to be a bunch of. [ __ ] killers out there. There's. always going to be a bunch of scary. Johnny Hendris, Jake Ellenburgger type. dudes looking to smash your [ __ ] face. in when you're the champ. There's no. getting around that. What's most.

impressive is that the guy has been. doing this for so [ __ ] long. And when. [ __ ] starts happening, like he blew out. his ACL. Look, getting injured, that is. a normal part of being an athlete. It. happens. There's no getting around it. You're putting your body through. incredible strains and you're especially. doing an improvisational sort of a thing. like wrestling or jiu-jitsu or. kickboxing where you you don't know how. he's going to move or you're going to. you're sparring and [ __ ] goes wrong and. you can get hurt. There's no doub. There's no way of avoiding that. But.

when [ __ ] starts breaking and you start. getting injured and you start thinking. about the amount of hours this guy's put. in the gym, the amount of hours this. guy's put in the cage, the amount of. fights, amount of wear and tear, it's. just a matter of how long can you. consistently keep up that sort of. fighting style, intensity and all that, wrestling based fighting style too, right? You know, which is very taxing on. your spinal cord, very taxing on your. knees. you know, there's a lot of power. in involved in a wrestling based style, even if you're like a technical guy like.

a Ben Ascrin. It's like it becomes a. difficult style to to incorporate. What's kind of remarkable about him. though as GSP is his ability and also. there's a lot of tape on him. You can. watch a lot on him. You can like you can. try to figure him out, but he fights a. different fight in some ways every time. he fights as well. Well, it's I I think. don't get me wrong, I think like a. wrestling based style is definitely the. best way to like uh approach it as far. as longevity, but even that it's like.

how much longevity can you MMA is a. brutal goddamn game. How much longevity. can you get? I mean, at certain point in. time, someone's going to come along and. if Anderson Silva keeps fighting, someone's probably going to beat him, right? you know, and it might be like. sort of a Bernard Hopkins situation. where no one ever gets to I mean, he's. so clever and so technical that no one. ever gets to the point where they can. really humiliate him, but there'll be a. guy like a Chad Dawson who come along. and and bait Bernard Hopkins because. he's younger and quicker. You know, there's going to be these Andre Ward. type guys. There's going to be. um what what was that dude that uh.

Germaine the guy that um uh Kelly Pav. beat? I want to say Germaine Andre, but. that's not his name. Is that his name? It's not a lot of his fights. Um, he was. the champ and he beat he beat. um I don't know if that's the right. boxer. Can't forget his [ __ ] name. [ __ ] I hate that. I got too many. [ __ ] names in my brain. But this dude. um was that his name? Jermaine. Andre? No. No, he's an MMA fighter. Oh,

well. Oh, that's right. I remember that. dude. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Jermaine. Yeah. He's actually a very talented. kickboxing champion. Um Jermaine Stewart. Jermaine Taylor. Jermaine Taylor. Taylor. Jermaine. Taylor. Yeah. Yeah. Jermaine Andre is. this badass looking dude with this crazy. uh ponytail. He's got a shaved head with. a crazy ponytail. He fought in the UFC, I think. Pretty sure. Um but uh he beat.

Kelly Pavick knocked him out, but he. beat Bernard Hopkins twice and he beat. him with speed. I believe he beat him. twice. Bigger too. He's a He's a bigger. guy. He's big and he's But Pav, meanwhile, Pavick beat him. I mean, he. was just able to out athlete. It's so. funny. You look at a guy like Pavick. like he like there's if you saw him on. the beach in shorts, he couldn't look. more normal. There's not a lot of muscle. tone. Well, he's covered with some Now. he is he used to not be. He kind of. after he had his kind of I think he had. a bit of a breakdown. Then he then he. went and got a bunch of tattoos, but a. lot of alcohol. Is that what it was?

Apparently, before that when he was. younger, he had no tattoos, you know, very few. He was just such a normal. Well, he just retired, you know. I think. yeah I think part of it I mean the. alcohol thing it's very possible that. the depression alcohol that stuff has to. do with head trauma. It's very very. posit. Yeah. And he thinks it might do. be as well and so he's retiring. Oh wow. Even though he's like he's he won. recently. He looked really good too. He's like he was uh in the the midst of. a comeback. He's a talented [ __ ]. boxer. Yeah he is. But getting hit.

getting hit in the head walking around. with headaches all day. You can Yeah. I've done it man. I've done it. keep it. It's uh it's not fun. I mean, I never. did it to the extent that he did it, though. What he he did was incredible. I. mean, he was a world champion. The. amount of just the amount of punishment. that you have to go through in the. [ __ ] ring. Just in the ring, dude. I. mean, it's just Jesus Christ. Just I. mean, I mean, the training ring, you. know, just every day in the gym, these. guys, you know, they they get the war, man. The last time he fought was 2012.

He won. And apparently he was uh they. were setting up a new fight for him. Let. me see a picture. You didn't mean to get. your own [ __ ] computer. No way. You. want to see a picture of him? Yeah. What. do you want to see? The tattoos. Oh, I'll find them for you. Yeah, he had a. bunch of crazy tattoos, man. He uh he. went nutty and just [ __ ] tattooed the. [ __ ] out of his chest. Go off. He put. like haunted houses on him and [ __ ]. Rory McDonald. I wonder who pull that. up. Kelly Pavick uh tattoos. You could. see like the tattoos that he has on his. chest. I wouldn't mind seeing McDonald. fight GSP, but I think they're training.

partners. Um, apparently they are. preparing for that possibility and. they're not training together anymore. Yeah, they they prepare on the other. opposite sides of the gym. Rory McDonald. is no [ __ ] joke. Yeah, Kelly Pav has. like uh the coliseum on his chest. He. has like all this nutty [ __ ] If you go. to the one um there's other ones where. you get a a kind of a good skinny image. of what it is. There's another one down. there. If you look at it, it's got a bit. of a better uh image.

There's a couple of them. Yeah, that one. where arms are flexed. You kind of get a. see that what it is. They Yeah, it's. like a Roman coliseum on the left and. there's some. uh some other. [ __ ] Some dudes just get just get real. random with their tattoos. He's got an. angel with a bow and arrow. He's great. Look at him. He's awesome looking. I. love that. There's that more beautiful. than a fighter. A bridge. He's a [ __ ]. animal, man. When he was at his best, he.

was a really fun guy to watch. Nipple. walking up. I'm glad um I'm glad he's. retiring before uh it gets ugly. I mean, guy did a lot. He accomplished a lot. And it gets ugly for everyone. Yeah, he. looks haunted a little bit, doesn't he? He looks a lot of guys are, my brother. A lot of guys are. Somebody called being. an addict uh like you always feel like. you're being chased by something by a. ghost. You know, it's true. I had an. addict describe that. They said, "You. know, I always feel like uh I'm being. chased by by some by a demon that's.

almost catching me every time. I'm. always running. I'm always running.". Have you heard about these uh district. attorneys that are getting shot in. Texas? Yes. Some of the assassinating. district attorneys. Well, they call one. guy who's a white supremacist. He had a. shootout. They killed him. Um that was. the guy who killed the Colorado prison. bureau chief. And then they did the Oh, they caught that guy. Yeah. And we got. they killed him. And then the the guy. who shot the district attorney and his. wife, they don't know. I guess they. still don't know who did it, you know? They don't even know if it's connected, but I'm sure it is.

Well, it might be just a cartel thing. You don't know, man. [ __ ] I don't. know. It's like But since 1964, I think. uh how many 13 or 33 prosecutors have. been shot. Um you know, Wow. Yeah. Um, there was a story that came out about uh. a cop that may or may not have planted. drugs on uh a woman because she was uh. claiming that a judge had uh moved in on.

her. Let me pull that up. I'm surprised allegedly plant meth on. woman who complained about judge's. sexual solicitation. Jesus. Yeah. I would I don't I'm not. shocked at that. I mean, they found a. judge who was profiting off of sending. kids to juvenile homes. God, really? Yeah. Yeah. They found a a judge that. was profiting off of that. He's in jail. now. It's in Pennsylvania. Pretty sure. Yeah. Sick [ __ ] You know, he. thought because these kids had done.

things in the past, [ __ ] it. I'll just. send them down the river. You know, they. need it. And And he was getting. kickbacks. He was getting kickbacks. The. more people he would convict or send to. these juvenile homes, the more money. they could spend, the more money they. can get from the government, the more. profit they could make. Creepy [ __ ]. Creepy. Yeah. This is. uh Murray County. I don't know where the. [ __ ] that is. Murray County Sheriff's. Office. Where the hell's. Murray? You live in a serious hillbilly. place if no one's ever Oh, you know.

what? I was going to talk about my my um. Vincent Laabra, the guy that I I have on. my podcast right now on the Brian Ken. show. And this guy this guy is a is a uh. he first of all he wears a patch over. his hat cuz he went snow bliding three. times from climbing like [ __ ] huge. mountains like in Africa and stuff and. Whoa. And yeah, and he was uh he he. would he would go and like basically go. to war zones just see what it was like. He's a real Murray Countyy's in. Minnesota by the way. Oh um uh whatever. So this guy went snow blind. Yeah. Yeah. from climbing mountains and [ __ ] He's a.

real daredevil. Did all kinds of [ __ ]. But now he's always he's been a a high. profile uh uh trial lawyer for like big. time drug cartels. He's a huge proponent. on this podcast. Talks about why drugs. should be legal and stuff. It's amazing. So he's he's tried to get the cartels. out of jail. He does he just thinks all. drugs should be legal, all of them. And. he does everything he can to stick to. the government whenever. So he he. handles huge all big cases like big big. time cases. uh he the marine in Fallujah. a lot a lot of different people you know.

and um he's got a really interesting. take on on you know justice like I had. this Delta Force guy on was talking. about killing an American citizen and he. was kind of justifying it and he and. Vincent lab got on he's like let me tell. you something that's the biggest bunch. of you know he he couldn't have been. more on the other side of it that the US. and the National Defense Act and stuff. we talk a lot about he talks he just. goes to town on the fact that that is. killing our country our the due process. and everything he's very articulate. about it. I'm not. It's corrupt. It's. going down the path of corruption. And.

we all see it. And because now we're all. on the internet, we all get to talk. about it. We get to express our concerns. and you get to Well, when the government. says, "Trust me." No. Well, it keeps. happening. That's like this new thing is. this uh. Monsanto bill that just passed silently. through Congress without, you know, any. mainstream exposure where they're, you. know, giving Monsanto uh all sorts of. subsidies and things like that. Well, it's all sorts of abilities to to uh to. hide the fact that genetically modified.

foods are and things that you buy. It's. it's it's creepy. It's creepy because. it's it's one of those things where it's. all you would hope that there would one. day. be a. What was that? What was the whistle? I think it was my. phone. Yeah, it was my Dude, that's the. gayest [ __ ] ever. I actually kind of. like it. I think I'm going to change my. ringer. Couple What the [ __ ] was I even. talking about? You were talking about.

Yeah, you can. So, would we hope that. things would slowly start to move into a. better direction? You know, like we're. going to cut back on corruption. We're. going to attack it. We're going to uh, you know, make for a more fair society. We're going to only in involve ourselves. in military campaigns that are just and. and and true. And we're going to try to, you know, educate the rest of the world. You got to change the incentive. structure if you want to do that. Of. course, you know, it's just weird, man. It's it's it's the biggest the biggest. danger is that when you have good people.

behaving corruptly, when you have a. system that allows for no other way to. do business, so that so that your system. becomes an economy of influence and not. meritocracy. So, who you know is really. how you get business, not what you can. do. And that's where you that's that's. where we're headed in some aspects. And. you have to be very careful of that. at least Lawrence Lesk's book says that. in Republic loss what I which I've. talked about many times on this podcast. and is that's a very important book to. read and and and what he does is he says. look let me show you how Washington is. corrupt with a lot of good people trying.

to do the right thing but they can't do. business without being let me let me. explain to people who don't know what. the [ __ ] we're talking about what this. is because this is pretty crazy [ __ ]. it's uh genetically modified food uh and. the there's a thing they're calling the. Monsanto protection act which was signed. by President Obama. They're calling it. the Monsano Protection Act. What it. actually was is it was added to an. essential spending bill without. congressional hearings. So they snuck. this rider. Yeah. And the rider strips. the power from the federal courts to.

halt the sales and planting of. genetically modified foods even if. health concerns arise. Wow. Wow. This is. crazy. The provision was simply an. industry ploy to continue to sell. genetically engineered seeds even. without a court even when a court of law. has found that they were approved by the. USDA illegally. The petition stated it's. necessary to find an unprecedented act. on US judicial review. Congress should.

not be meddling with the judicial review. process based solely on the special. interest of a handful of companies. This. is from uh someone's uh I guess it. was I I don't know who who wrote that. Someone Okay. So, what what essentially. they're saying is they snuck this in and. and people are just finding out about it. now and they're happens all the time in. Washington. They're trying to protect. the profits of this company. That's. that's the only way the only reason why. you would hide information is you're.

trying to protect the profits because if. the if the genetically modified foods. are safe and they're in there and we. find out they're safe, then we don't. have to worry. But if they might not be. safe and you want to sue, if you want. you you you're not going to know. You're. not going to be able to blame it on the. genetically modified foods. You're not. even going to know if it's genetically. modified. If you have health issues that. arise because of the genetically. modified foods, you won't even know the. correlation. You won't know what if you, you know, what if you have a known issue. that's come up amongst a small.

percentage of people that do respond. poorly to genetically modified foods. Well, you won't even [ __ ] know. because it's not going to be in the. label because some [ __ ] got paid. And. it's that's crazy because the people who. are selling genetically modified foods. should only want to be selling healthy. genetically modified foods. It is. possible that science can figure out a. way to produce more food that's more. nutritious. It is possible, but it's. also possible that they could [ __ ] it. up. And when when this when something. like this comes along and there this is.

all this is they should call this the. Monsanto information act cuz all it is. is keeping information secret, keeping. it from people. That's never good. That's not only that, it's also keep. it's also changing information and lying. about what's good for you and what's not. good for you. They're setting up. corruption. They're setting up so. corruption can take place. I don't know. enough about genetically modified fiat. foods, but I'll give you an example. But. you don't have to. Well, well, no. I'm. saying that the the Food and Nutrition. Board, which sets the school standard. for 30 million children on what they can. eat because they've been hijacked by.

companies like Nestle, etc., are the big. companies that have an interest in. selling their products, Coca-Cola and. stuff. And and they hire scientists. Read read the China study. He talks. about this uh you know I'm paraphrasing. here but they'll they'll h they'll stack. the deck with scientists that they. basically hire to say that 25% of your. your diet can be simple sugars which. means I can I can have vending machines. in there that sell soda and Twix bars. and stuff and that's part of your lunch. That's where when you're ignorant and.

you don't know how how the system works, how the incentive structure works, you. are going to pay a price for it with. your health and so are your kids. So. that's why I always tell people it's you. can't not be politically committed. It's. it's not a luxury you can afford, man. Because what happens is there becomes a. concentration of vested interests. Look. at look at Wall Street. Yes, they. compete with each other until someone. comes in with legislation and they get. very good at hiring lobbyists. They get. very good at their economy of influence.

and and figuring out how to buy the. right people to keep business as usual. That's why you have banks that are too. big to teach kids they're entering the. system now to stop that pattern. You. know, they have to figure out a way to. emphasize profit overall. You know, the. whole thing is just it's so I have no. problem with profit as long as it's. earned honestly and you're playing by. the rules. The problem is when you have. companies that stack the. deck, you know, of course, and so so how.

does that happen? You got to figure out. how that happens and why it happened. And then that's the way you change it. figure out first how it happened. It's. just so transparent when something like. this Monsanto thing comes up because all. they're doing is keeping information. That's all they're doing. They should. never be able to keep information. because if you have a good product like. let's say you're selling oranges. Well, you can prove if you look at the data. that oranges are very rich in vitamin C. They have healthy fiber to them. When. you eat an orange with your lunch, it's.

probably a really healthy choice. It's. good for you. And we have a lot of data. to back that up. So all the information. on oranges is readily available. You can. go look it up. You know why? Because. there's nothing bad there. It's a. [ __ ] orange. Okay. But when you start. monkeying around with oranges and well. this is an orange that doesn't react. badly to certain pesticides and this is. an orange that you know creates its own. pesticide and kills off mosquitoes or. this is an orange that do and you don't. tell me. Okay. Now we got a real problem.

because that's not really an orange. That's an orange that you [ __ ] with. And I don't know if you really know. what's going to happen with that orange. If I eat one of these a day for the next. 20 years, is that going to rot my. [ __ ] out? You know, what is what is. going on? Is it going to erase my. memory? At least give me the. information. I want to know if it's got. the gene of a jellyfish cuz it so so it. doesn't freeze. I want to know that. Exactly. Show me everything. Show me. everything you got. Let me make my own. choices. You can't hide information. And. the idea that they would do that with. our food, which is something that's we.

have a a health crisis in this country. for sure, even though we have access to. all of the information on the back of. food, all of the nutritional information. is readily available in almost anything. that we buy in a store except for like. meats and things like that. But when we. do that, we we still don't use it. We. still don't use that information. And so. many people are eating terrible food. every day, and so many people are are. unhealthy and sick all the time, and. they're they're essentially poisoning. themselves. So that's with information. That's right. That's with the [ __ ].

information with readily. apparent bad things to eat and people. choose them. You you you know you can't. stop information. You you can't because. what you're doing is you're you're. setting yourself up so that you can lie. and protect people in power. That's the. only reason you should be doing it. We. already have a problem. We already have. a problem with people having shitty. diets. We already have a problem with. this weird thing that with humans where. stuff that tastes amazing is [ __ ]. killing you. Like crispy cream donuts.

are [ __ ] delicious. But that's like. toxic. Those are like pure sugar. If you. go to a lot of parts of the country like. like you and I do travel a lot, there's. not a lot of access to real good food. There's access to to to different. restaurant chains or there's access to, you know, just a bunch of fast food in. some areas where you can't get healthy. supermarkets, you know, you can you can. always but you even then you get a. tomato and it's pale. It's this white. [ __ ] tomato. Like what's in that. tomato? They ripened it in a gas. chamber. That's how that's why. Yeah.

Not only that, it's the genetics of the. thing have completely been altered so. they can keep them on a truck for a. week. You know, it's just sort of the. same thing that that they've done with. with raw milk. And I I know and people. that are screaming, you know, be saved. all these lives and people from raw. milk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're going to die anyway. Look, everyone's going to die. You're going to. die, too. That's not the point. I get. what you're saying. I know it logically. you're correct. Ethically, you're. correct. Every I understand. You're. talking about transparency. You're. talking about No, I'm I'm talking not. just about transparency. I'm talking.

that I'm saying that too many people are. telling too many people what is and. isn't okay to do. That's a real problem. And I always say that the the law the. way we should have the law in this. country is could you imagine Clint. Eastwood arresting you for. it if he had a gun and he pointed it at. you? Could you imagine the Clint. Eastwood would would arrest you for it? That's the Clint Eastwood principles. Here you growing hemp if you if you. could you imagine Dirty Harry where he. breaks down hemp farms. That's. hilarious. And oh, what are you going to. do? You going to make food and clothes?

The [ __ ] you are, right? Get in the. squad car. You know, if anything other. than that is a [ __ ] law. Okay, I. could imagine Dirty Harry arresting. these [ __ ] that are getting paid off by. Monsanto. I can imagine Dirty Harry. catching some scotch-drinking [ __ ]. you know, in his uh Senate room, you. know, uh beating some hooker to death. and he, you know, he walks in and you. [ __ ] I got Monsanto through and you're. a dead man. You're a dead and he shoots. him. You're a dead man,

Callahan. And you're happy. You're happy. that he shot the evil Monsanto guy. Yeah, that's that seems like Clint. Eastwood might want to step in on this. one. But could you see Clint Eastwood. arresting you for having a roach in your. car, you know? No, of course not. He. would maybe slap you. Okay. Don't be. stupid. Don't be stupid, kid. Well, Michael Pollen says you can vote three. times a day by what you put on your. plate. [ __ ] yeah, you can. That's a good. point. Yeah. Well, that's why I've been. telling people, you know, one day the. stoners are going to unite cuz there's a. lot of a lot of [ __ ] out there. You.

need to respect the stoner dollar. I. think the way of the future, though, is. probably genetically modified foods. ultimately. I don't think the way of the. future is I don't think we can feed that. many people without without I don't. think we can feed enough people with. organic. That's I I don't know if that's. true. I I don't believe it. And I think. as time goes on, the origin of those. thoughts is profit. I do not believe. that the origin of those thoughts is. because we're really concerned with. feeding people because that's not. something that's not something that you. hear from the federal government. That's. not something that was taken in into.

considerations when you when you look at. how much money they spend on defense. contractors. [ __ ] billions and. billions of dollars on a daily basis, on. a yearly basis, rather on defense. contractors. how much how much they. spend feeding people. [ __ ] zero. Okay? If they had the same resources. that they put into the military and they. put that into feeding people, they would. be incredibly successful in feeding. people. So when they come along and say, "We need genetically modified foods cuz. we need to feed people." They're not. trying to feed people. They're not. talking about feed people. They want. profit. That's true. But all food, all.

food has been genetically modified. All. of it. Everything we eat. Well, that's. there's a difference between selective. breeding and growing and genetically. modifying things. They are changing. things at the genetic level to to give. them resistance to pesticides. They're. doing a lot of technologies out there. like golden rice which is very high in. vitamin A. Well, there's a lot of poor. kids. It's not an yes or a no, right? It's not a yes or a no. That's all I'm. saying that you're right. I think that. that that the rise of technology even in. food is inevitable. Uh there's a good.

side to it and there there can also be. an evil side to it. And I think that um. I I think the the the question is. transparency and knowing and seeing all. the data and holding companies. accountable and and realizing that. technology is not a bad thing. It is a. good thing. We probably if we have 80. million people on this planet in 50. years, we're probably going to have to. resort to genetically modified foods. We. already are in some parts of the world. The question becomes how do you do it. responsibly and ethically? The real. issue is Paul Riser's character from. Aliens because that [ __ ] sneaky, slimy.

guy who wanted to bring the alien back. and use it as a biological weapon. That. was what was wrong with that [ __ ]. move. That's what you call [ __ ] full. circle, ladies and gentlemen. That's and. that's what's wrong with lobbyists. That's what's long what's wrong with. people influencing the Congress to let. something like this sneak through where. Franken foods can be in your in your. diet and you're not even aware of it or. the That's right. Right. I mean that. that's that's that's exactly right. We're we're and it's who you know, not. what you're doing that matters. Yeah.

And even people who might say, "Well, your ignorance is to the effect of of. genetically modified foods." You're and. you are absolutely right. I have not. read that much about genetically. modified foods. I have read both pro and. con. I have heard like Carara Santa. Maria had some very good points about. genetically modified foods and you have. some very good points and I've I've I've. seen like Penellet had some very good. points. T and I had a discussion about. genetically modified foods and I respect. his opinion as well. It is not that this. isn't the argument. The argument is. about transparency and it's about the.

access to information and about and it's. about someone who is supposed to be. looking out for the interest of the. people allowing people to withhold. information. Exactly. You should never. do that. You should just never do that. You should never allow someone who's. selling something to withhold some weird. [ __ ] that they're doing to it that might. affect your health. I want to know if. the [ __ ] food I'm eating has a jelly. bean a jellyfish uh uh gene in it or or. etc. I want to know that. Tell me. everything you know. And this is sort of. semi-hypocritical coming from me because. I'm in the supplement company, you know.

I mean uh I'm involved with the. supplement company. I mean you take. those supplements yourself. I take Well, there's also there's there's enough. tangible data on the subject that I'm. confident in the results and that I also. have benefited. I know that I've. benefited from taking supplements. I've. know that I've benefited. I know that my. health is is pretty [ __ ] good. And I. I know also a lot of it has to do with. diet. A lot of it has to do with. exercise. A lot of it has to do with. genetics. No doubt about it. But I am. very confident. I've gone through. periods of I've even made experiments.

where I've backed off supplements and I. get blood work done on a regular basis. I'm pretty aware of what the [ __ ]. going on. And when my nutrients are all. at a very high level, I function better. I just do. I know I do. I have more. energy. I feel better. you know, and. it's all done in conjunction, but. there's not enough, you know, like if. you if you look. at like the the negative aspects of uh. of that could possibly come from. supplementation. There's not really. enough information about that. Like how. many how many uh vitamin D pills can you.

take before it's makes you sick, you. know? How many I mean, how many people. take the wrong amount of this? How many. people It's like it's a real trial and. error thing unless you're doing blood. work. So, I always encourage people like. if you're interested in your health, you. got to know what the [ __ ] is really. going on your body. That's what Tim. Ferrris Tim Ferrris says get blood work. done. Yes. Don't take Don't take. guesses. He found out he was low in I. think mric acid. That's why I take. coconut oil. The only place you can find. I think it's called mrick or myic acid. The only place you can find it is in. sperm whale oil and coconut oil. And I.

started taking it. I got to tell you, man, like I take a teaspoon or a. tablespoon in the morning. I do I maybe. it's psychological, but I feel better. man. I feel better when I do things like. the kale shakes. It's like when I do. when I juice kale, when I take uh um you. know, coconut oil, it's 100%. And I know. that people are are skeptical. They're. like, "Oh, maybe people are. bullshitting. Maybe this is just more. placebo effect. Maybe this is like it. makes sense. Food's a drug, man. Treat. it like that." It's not just that. It's. also like what exactly is your body,

okay? Why does it need nutrients? What. is really going on? Well, it's just some. sort of a chemical process. And it just. stands to reason that the the more. building blocks it gets for repair, for. uh killing, you know, taking out anti-. uh you know, radicals or free radicals, for destroying free radicals in your. system, for um helping you uh strengthen. your immune system, all those different. things. It just only makes sense that if. the machine has all it needs, it will. function better. Did Did Tim Ferrris.

tell you I had him on the podcast and he. said he he did um he went to the blue. zone in Okinawa to see where they the. one area where they live longer than. anybody else. Is it like a coral thing? Nope. He said he he said he isolated he. was interested in seeing what they don't. do. One thing they don't eat rice. Um. they eat blue potatoes. Which was. interesting. But blue potatoes. Yeah. But he also said that and I tried to. guess what they were. But he said there. are a couple things that they have that. that that very important for health. One. they never retire. and two strong.

[ __ ] communities and and they always. eat just enough. There's a there's a. saying for it. I eat just enough. I. never I never stuff. But mainly they. think the two main things and Malcolm. McDow um Gladwell talks about this. Community is [ __ ] important for. longevity. Community and never retiring. being interested and involved in. something is so important for your. health. And it doesn't seem it seems. metaphysical. doesn't seem physical like. you know you can like that this this. this town. Rosetta heart disease in the 50s in this. country was epidemic they'd open up.

soldiers who were at at 21 and a lot of. their arteries were like 80% clogged it. was epidemic they go to this place. Rosetta which is this really tight. Italian community in Pennsylvania they. ate lard they were all overweight none. of them were dying of heart disease they. were all dying of old age why the only. thing they could isolate was the fact. that they were such a tight loving. community. They thought maybe they come. from a really strong genetic stock. They're all from the same part of Italy. They took guys from Rosetta and they who. went to other parts of the country. They. were dying of heart disease at the same.

rate. But when they were in this [ __ ]. community, they had such a strong tight. bond within that community and so much. support. They were just happy people. They were just happy people. It totally. makes sense. There's a physical aspect. of human interaction that's there's. there's a reaction. There's something. happening and there's a need for it to. the point where they punish people in. prison by taking it away from them. If. you don't touch a baby when they're when. they're when they're between zero and. one, they will die. It's called failure. to thrive. Hospitals have to have people. come by and hold the babies. You cannot. have they used to have in orphanages.

They put a baby and and they wouldn't. touch it because they didn't want to. give it a disease. And when they did. that, the baby would die. Oh my gosh. It's called failure to thrive. If you. don't hold a baby for a certain amount. of time in during the day, they will. die. I completely believe that. Totally. makes sense. We don't want to accept it. as a as an actual tangible, measurable. sort of a feeling or a thing, but it. it's important. Community is important. You're not you're not an island, man. We. need each other. I need when I think of.

all the good times and I think about. like I was watching that hunting thing. that you and I go back so far. I thought. I you feel so lucky when you have. friends that you had so many experiences. with like you and I know each other so. [ __ ] well that you know so well like. all the thorns and all it's just such a. and watch we've grown up together you. know basically yeah that kind of stuff. is is uh is priceless you everything. else I've known you for almost 20 years. now dude 20 years brother it'll be 20. years next year that's a long ass time. you stop to think about how much crazy. [ __ ] we've seen together yeah and you've.

saved me from making some crazy. decisions, too, dude. Well, you know, you've saved me from going insane. I. mean, I remember uh meeting you, I was. like, "Oh, there's one out there. There's someone out there I can hang. with." Well, I grew up, you know, in a. bunch of different places in this. country. Uh, you know, from when I was a. little kid and lived in San Francisco, then I lived in Florida. But I spent, you know, all through my high school. years, I spent, you know, in Boston. And. one of the things about Boston, like I. lived in a suburb Newton, is you met a.

lot of real guys. There's a lot of guys. who got up at 6:00 in the [ __ ]. morning and mowed lawns before they came. to school. You know what I'm saying? I. mean, there was there was and they were. men's men, you know? They were they were. actual men. If someone talks some [ __ ]. they wanted to go punch him in the face. It was like and growing up around them, it was like there was these were normal. people that I could if he told me a. story, I knew that's what happened or at. least what he thinks had happened. But I. was getting mixed signals when I came to. LA. I was like, "Oh my god, this is a. insane asylum." I was totally ready to.

go back to New York and if I didn't sign. a [ __ ] lease for my apartment. I. thought my show was gonna that stupid. baseball show like I was an idiot. I. was, you know, 20 whatever years old. like this going to be the greatest show. ever. I'm getting an apartment. I can't. fail. And uh within you know four weeks. I knew it was doomed and I'm like [ __ ] I. got a [ __ ] apartment. Like I had an. apartment for a year. I wanted to get. out of here. I was like this is filled. with crazy people and it is by the way. But I slowly but surely accumulated a.

group of great friends. It took forever. It's like I had to slowly grab guys like. you. Okay, come this way. And then go. here's some Joey Diaz. Look at this guy. Oh, we got to get him. Get in here. It's. really true. You I come to LA. It's like. you know the first my buddy said he was. from New York and he showed up at a. party and he goes to this party and. there's this guy in a robe with his arm. around two girls on a couch and he goes. like this. He goes, "Gentlemen, welcome. to my place. make yourselves at home. He. was like, "Get me the [ __ ] out of here. right now. How about I kick you in the.

face just for saying that and wearing a. [ __ ] robe, shithead?". Yeah. Don't Yeah. You try that in Boston. or New York. See how long you last with. that [ __ ] Like my buddy was rock. climbing. We were rock climbing. My one. buddy's from California. He was being a. smartass with him and telling him what. to do. And my buddy was a wrestler. My. buddy turned him and goes, "Hey, you. I. don't know you. You sure as [ __ ] don't. know me. And that's the last time I hear. you tell me to do anything." And. everybody got quiet and and he was like, "What the [ __ ] What the [ __ ] The guy. [ __ ] threatened me." I go, "That's. right, dude. He threatened you. physically because you're being a. [ __ ] disrespectful [ __ ] There are.

guys out there that'll punch you in the. [ __ ] face if you don't know how to. behave." There's a giant percentage of. people who grow up in this coast that. they don't know how to behave. Never. seen a fight. What's even if they have. seen a fight? They've seen a fight. between someone like them and someone. like them. I'm not talking about. Mexicans either. I'm talking about white. guys. No, I'm talking about white guys. in in in white guys in Hollywood. I'm. not. There's some tough There's some. tough like I know a lot of Latino guys. out here who are tough as [ __ ] That's a. whole different culture, man. What. you're talking about is actors. Yeah, I'm talking about actors. You're really.

talking about actors. This is nothing to. do with white guys, black There's some. tough ass [ __ ] regular white dudes. from California. What you're talking. about is actors. That's probably right. That's what it is. They're loons. They're [ __ ] loons. And when I when I. first met you, I was like, "Oh, this. guy's doing it. He's normal, too." Or. you're not normal. You're certainly not. normal, but neither am I. Or was I? Well, I was just honest about my. interests, which were somewhat caveman, but we were both dudes. Like, we could. talk. We were two men. I was like, "Oh. my god, there's another man. I could. talk to this man." You know what's. what's going on here? There's this and.

this that like I I'm like feel I'm like, "What's with this [ __ ] guy?" Yeah. You know, like these [ __ ] people that. were on the set with you just on Mad TV. were. exhausting. Exhausting trying to be. funny and clunky and talking about their. career. Shut the [ __ ] up. My god, what. kind of selfserving noise is coming out. of that stupid head of yours? Like, you. don't even know that someone's listening. to you. You can't even have a. conversation. You're not even a person. You're one of those weird [ __ ] actor.

automatons. A lot of that a lot of I. came to dinner one time and I had a hat. on, turned backwards, and this casual. hat. I was [ __ ] cool as [ __ ] I. looked in the mirror like 50 times that. day cuz I just had this new hat. I. [ __ ] sit down at the dinner say, "Well, my father looked at me and he. just goes, "How you doing?" I go, "I'm. good." He goes, "Yeah, I came to do with straight face.". He all he did is he goes, "Why are you. wearing that. hat?" I was like, "I'm not anymore. [ __ ] just the way he said it." I was. like, "A [ __ ] I'm an idiot." But.

today, if you wanted to do it, you could. pull it off. Like, now you're a. different man. Now you're. self-actualized, self-realized. Now you. could show up with a beret on and like. father you're you're missing a certain. amount of sophistication and worldliness. that my generation I mean I read books. I'm wearing a beret. It's like you can't. [ __ ] with this and a scarf. But you. could laugh about that and it would be. great. But if I was 21 and I was wearing. a beret I was serious. I was really. trying to wear a beret like a [ __ ]. [ __ ] Like what am I one of like you.

know what I mean? Like what were those. green not the what are those dudes that. the the the guardian angels? Remember. that? Oh they were the greatest. Of. course, dude. I remember being in Boston. and they just made it to Boston. Yeah, they were in New York for a while. and they just made it to Boston and the. guy was walking around with his Guardian. Angels uh t-shirt on and his beret on. and he's walking and I look at him and. I'm following him and I'm locking eyes. when he looks at me and goes, "Fuck. you." He gave me the finger and I'm. like, "What? I didn't even say.

anything." I didn't even say anything. And you are a [ __ ] guardian angel. Really? And then the guy who was uh the. head of it who's like radio DJ guy now. he like faked a rape. He faked where he. helped someone and and Yeah. He got. shot, you know. They Yeah, but there was. something he faked. Hold on, I'll I'll. pull it up. I don't want to slander the. young man. Curtis Silva, I think his. name is. Yeah, fake story. Let's look up. Fake Story. He started the He started.

the uh Yeah, I think that was horhit. Yeah. Yeah, I think uh I think that. might Okay. Courtesy was history of lies. and publicity stunts part one. Ooh. Oh. no, that's not good. Yeah. Yeah. Um he admitted to creating. and perpetuating at least six hoaxes. over the years between 1979 and 1980. And according to the December 14th, 1992. issue of People magazine because that's. remember when he got in trouble. In the. article, Civil recounts a October 1980.

publicity stunt where he claimed he was. kidnapped by New York City transit. police and told if the Guardian Angels. don't quit patrolling the subways, they. would kill him. Everyone was against us. Silva platantly explained the mayor, the. cops, even the public. We just needed. some good attention. Oh, he's a [ __ ]. scam artist. You know, if you're a scam. artist once, you're a scam artist. forever. [ __ ] you, right? You know, you. this is just this is what he's doing. I. mean, I guess can you bounce back from. that? Sure. I'm going to try to do that. with my standup somehow. I'm going to be.

like, I got arrested for making people. laugh too much. They were pulling people. out on [ __ ] out on stretchers. This. guy would have to bounce back a long way. though, man. You know, he would bounce. he'd have to bounce back a long way. because this is he's had another guy. worked with him who claimed that he. faked several incidents including highly. publicized rape of then wife Lisa Sila. Jesus, Siwa, whatever it is. Yeah, he's. uh and he faked that, too. Yeah. Wow.

It's Well, they did lure him into a. cabin. They did shoot him, I think, in. the legs or something. Yeah. Well, whatever it is. I mean, who knows what. happened. He might have paid someone to. do something crazy to him. Who knows? Maybe it was just If you're doing this. many [ __ ] publicity stunts, you're. probably a really annoying guy. Somebody. eventually actually do does want to. shoot you. Gets really annoyed at you, silly [ __ ] But if I was wearing that. beret. Yeah. Yeah. Smack me. What if I. was 21? Smack me. You're not allowed to. wear a beret. Yeah. Even today, I can't. pull off a beret. No, nobody can. Nobody. can pull off a beret unless you're.

unless you're a Green Beret. Unless. you're a Green Beret or in the French. Foreign Legion, then you can wear a. beret. GI Joe. Yeah, if you're G.I. Joe. Does um does he does the new GI Joe Does. he have a beret? I think one of the guys. probably like Falcon or something. Berets if they're done well. Like I went. to uh Oh, he's turned his corner. Came. wreck battle around if they're done. well. If you got a machine gun and. you're French or you're in the French. Foreign Legion or something, you can. actually that that you you look pretty. good. Yeah, that is kind of Isn't that. kind of funny that you're like if you're. a killer, you're allowed to wear a. beret? Yeah. Like that's when you're.

allowed to wear the silliest hat ever. We want you to wear the silliest hat. ever cuz you're our best killer, right? Like why not give him a Cat in the Hat. hat? Imagine that. The [ __ ] See, instead of the Green Berets, the Cat in. the Hats just they're so gangster they. don't give a [ __ ] if you see their hats. They're coming at you. This is pretty. funny. Here's a Here's a screenshot. GI. Joe 2. All right, we got the characters. and then we got Hi guys, I'm wearing a. beret here. He doesn't look bad. No, the. Brian keeps saying that he has a gay. accent. You got to Brian, just stop. doing that voice. That's Dennis Quinn. That's Dennis Quinn. It's so dumb. He's.

It's It doesn't sound like him and you. can't keep repeating it. It's not funny. It's not true. People agreed with me. Nobody agreed with you. People that. agreed with you just wanted to talk to. you. They just wanted to reach out to. you on the internet. They're bad. That's. a bad Dennis Quaid. He's not He doesn't. sound like I said what I said is I think. Dennis Glade sounds like a a South Park. character. Really Parker doing South. Park. Well, what he did sound like in. that movie you're talking about that The. Day After Tomorrow was totally fake. That's absolutely true. It was like a It. was such a super fake movie that his.

acting sucked. It was It was a terrible. movie. I mean, what's it called? The Day. After Tomorrow. It's It's almost imp it. would be impossible to do and not be. ridiculous. What have you seen that you. love besides lay miserable? What have. you seen? Uh, well that I got injected I. got L res injected into my [ __ ] with. a laser beam. I didn't I wouldn't watch. on screen. I want to experience it. through my central nervous system. [ __ ] first and. u musical backwards. I came in my own.

mouth. It's my my [ __ ] I opened my mouth. and it was like a crescendo. The the a. jet came out of my [ __ ] That was the. exact shape of my mouth on the inside. and it went in seamlessly. It was an. airtight airtight seal gallon of [ __ ]. that just like like like a whiffle ball. bat expanded from the tip of my dick out. in a fan the shape of my mouth and went. right in the hole. You had to you had to. sit through a [ __ ] musical one time. I remember you told me I go, "What was.

like he goes? It was a murderous. attention on my murderous assault." My. attention assault on my attention. Yeah. I had a friend that was uh in a musical. and we all went and uh we watched the. first half and then I was like, "What do. you guys think?" And they were like, "Well, I think uh she's doing a really. great job. I think it was awesome." And. I said, "That was a [ __ ] murderous. assault on your attention span. How dare. you pretend you'd like that? Nobody. could possibly like that. You You're. watching nonsense. You're watching songs. that suck for no reason. Someone's. singing songs for no reason. And those.

songs are [ __ ] terrible. This [ __ ]. doesn't make any sense. You shut your. mouth. You shut your mouth. You're not. enjoying this. Would it be weird if I. started singing now to tell. you she my friend and those like they. drop their jaw. So stupid. I get. embarrassed when I when I see those. things where all of a sudden the guy. starts to sing. Well, what about the. time that you had an acting class? Brian. had an acting class once and it was in. uh did I who did I okay was Brian had an.

acting class and it was he had a the. teacher was singing show tunes and Brian. called me up and he says you have to. come to this my teacher is going to sing. show tunes and he means it he means it. So I I went I found Brian me and him. just like cuddled up like a couple of. retards like oh my goodness this is the. most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Great. He was singing like the I God. He. was a great, you know, he was a guy. He's a great guy, but he just loved show.

tunes. [ __ ] loved them and and and. very straight and uh I was just I was so. fascinated. I was like, you love. musicals. He he loved them. You know, I. sat through a musical, you know, I took. a musical theater class, you know, that. did tell you that. Was that your. teacher? Was he the teacher? Yes. I was. so obsessed with the whole idea. I was. like, I got to see who loves this stuff. I I get obsessed with that stuff. I love. seeing the insanity and I I'll get. involved in it, man. I enjoyed it, man. I enjoyed it for all the wrong reasons, but you and I had a great [ __ ] time. that night. It was really a good laugh.

Yeah, he was great. It was I had the. lyrics of one of his songs stuck in my. head for so many years because it was so. bad. It was like show tun may you have a. drink when you are thirsty and need a. drink. Really literal songs on the nose. Really bad. It was but it was like one. of those where it's like she's gone away. on a train. The sun is down. May you have a hug when you need a hug. We should do a musical. Oh no, we.

shouldn't. We're hunting now for dear. I. really enjoyed um The Book of Mormon. That was the last I didn't see that. It. was great. It's great. It's really good. Uh but I I like their movies better. How. about that? How about that? Even even. even it's the best case scenario when a. bunch of people are singing. It's not as. fun. Musical theater guy now. South like. South Park the movie is still to this. day I think like one of the greatest. comedy specials or comedy movies it's. ever I remember you called me after. that. You know I've never seen it. Oh my.

god. That's so crazy. Team America. Never. Oh my. Oh my god. I have to. Right. What is wrong with you? I'm going. to do that. That's I'm going to write. that down right now because and it was. because it was it was so. ridiculous. And Team America was also a. musical. There was a lot of musical. elements to it. It was like a It was a. little bit of music and then a lot of. acting. Sort of like even like The Book. of Mormon. Isn't that the one where. Shawn Penn got really mad at them for. making fun of uh Did he? Yeah. Of a lot. of things. Come on, Sean. You got to. take gets a little uptight. He needs a.

hug. Well, it's again he's a [ __ ]. actor. There's no getting around that, man. The best actors, the most the the. coolest ones to hang out with are still. not nearly as interesting as your. average landscaper, right? It's a fact. That's why on my podcast I never have. actors. I always want to have like you. know Yeah. other people like somebody. who writes a book or uh you know or a. soldier. I don't know. Somebody a. lawyer, you know, it's more interesting. to me. Yeah. I remember I was listening. to an interview and uh I think Brad. Pitt's an awesome actor. No doubt about. it. But it was like I was listening. It. was like on CNN and I wasn't paying.

attention and I was like who's this. idiot that Larry King's talking to? Like. get over there. It's Brad Pitt. Yeah. It. doesn't mean he's good at making. believe. And that's what it is. You. know, it doesn't mean he's got charisma. He's great to look at. But it doesn't. mean I'm going to listen to his point of. view on life. Uh, you know, I mean, well, and also I think that the the. ability to transform yourself into. another person like, you know, doesn't. necessarily lend itself to you being an. eloquent public speaker and. representative of of your craft. I mean, you're probably a weirdo thinking. A.

weirdo? You mean cuz Daniel D. Lewis. lived in a [ __ ] log cabin with no. electricity through the whole time he. shot Lincoln? Hey. Hey. It's called. acting, dude. still sucked. That's got. to suck when you do that. When you spend. so much time and you're still boring the. [ __ ] [ __ ] out of me. The movie The. Boxer, he trained for three years to be. a boxer for real. He got good and I. watched I was like, "Well, you could. have done the movie without being a. boxer." Actually, it wouldn't it wasn't. that it wasn't like the deciding factor. But it was to him, man. Understand? He. He is that guy. Christian Bale said it.

the best. They said, "Why do you lose. weight? All you put yourself through all. this crazy shit." He goes, "You know why. I do that stuff, dude? I make believe I. wear makeup for a living. It doesn't. make me feel like a man. So, I got to. make it really [ __ ] difficult on. myself. It was a great answer. That dude. needs a hug, too. They all need hugs. Okay. Marky Mark doesn't have that. attitude. Uhuh. Okay. Look at him. He's. successful. You guys want You guys want. attitude and you want to laugh, you come. to San Antonio Laugh Out Loud Comedy. Club Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Lol. Lol. San Antonio. And listen to the.

10-minute podcast and Brian Ken show. I'm out. Yeah, you dirty fox. All right. That's a good way to end this thing. Let's [ __ ] wrap it up. This uh this. uh Saturday night I'll be in. Indianapolis, Indiana with young Tony. Henchcliffe taking Tony out in the road. Break his little comedy booty. Break his. cherry in his What' you say? H plus. Cliff plus E. What is that? That's how. you spell his last name. Oh. Oh, silly. Um so that's uh that's this Saturday. night. Indianapolis uh news New. Brunswick in New Jersey. I'm pretty sure.

it's sold out. And I think San Jose sold. out, too. Oh, Sam. Joe Rogan. The Joe. Rogan experience. Cat. That's my Walking. Dead voice. Every time I see you and. then I see me, we said something could. have been brothers. Oh, easily. Well, everybody in my house, by the way, my. parents watch the the meat eater. episode. They they want to see it cuz. they were kind of freaked out about me. killing a deer. It was a little a little. odd to see them watch us gut it with a. hatchet, like chip open the [ __ ] rib. cage. It was pretty intense stuff. But.

um they were like, "You guys look the. like the closest to brothers you ever. have." Like as you get older, you really. look like brothers. I kept like I was. like, "Is that Joe or that me?" Strange. I'm better looking. Obviously. Fun. times. A little sexier. You're a little. sexier. Rogan. [ __ ] Go there. Save yourself. $25. Put it in your mouth. Put it in. your mouth and rub its balls. That. doesn't make any sense. I'm sorry, Ting. You don't deserve that for your. commercial. Rogan. go there and save. yourself.

$25 off either a phone or service. An. excellent company that supports the. podcast, so please support them. We are. also brought to you by. Squarespace and uh I think it is. squarespace.com/joe and I think uh I. think it's the the code is Joe 3, right? Joe4 now. Probably Joe 4 doesn't work, do Joe 3. Yeah, be creative. If four. doesn't work, just figure it out, you.

dirty [ __ ] But go to Squarespace and. support them. Easy, easy website setup. and awesome ability. Look at that. I. want dolphin butthole. He put that [ __ ]. together while this show is going on, ladies and gentlemen. Okay. I mean, it's. really that ridiculous. And he probably. will maintain it, too. It's so easy. Throw some pictures up there every now. and then. And people, only people who. listen to this episode will know about. this. Register that. Hurry, quickly. Use. hover to register it. I want dolphin. butthole. Um.com. Don't get.org because then you. can't profit legally. I think I made.

that up. Get.net. Be clever. Be. different. Be indie. Um uh go also to um. squarespace.com/joe. Right. Is that what. it is? Did we figure that out? Yeah. Um. yeah, go there. Go to squarespace, you. [ __ ] Get yourself a goddamn website. We're all out of the chimp kettle bells. at on.com, but we got more coming. And. like I said, a lot more cool [ __ ] headed. your way. And if you think of any cool. [ __ ] that we need to have in the store, [ __ ] let us know about it. Dick.

pills. Settle down, son. Those gas. station ones you can't sell legally over. the internet. Them Seattle Chinese mixtures sold from. Canada. Powerful Brian Call. Thank you. for having me on. Thank you for being on. again. You sir are awesome. Not as. awesome as you, my friend. You are the. awesomest ever, so it's impossible to be. any more awesome. So what you said makes. no sense. Powerful Brian Red Band, where. you at this weekend, cupcake? Uh, Ice.

House Friday. Powerful Ice House Friday. Who's going to be there with you? I. don't know yet. Powerful lineup, though. There's always really funny comics in. town. I mean, it's LA and Pasadena Ice. House is oldest comedy club in the. country, as far as I know. Is it really? Yeah, it's been around. I love the more. room and I like the big room. Yeah, we. we just did the little room last uh. Friday night. [ __ ] amazing. Yeah. Hey, we love the [ __ ] out of you people. and we'll see you tomorrow with Douglas. Rushkoff. Um brilliant author and a. really interesting guy and we should. going to we're going to have some really. cool conversation tomorrow with Douglas. Uh Google him if you don't know who the. [ __ ] he is. What am I your mom? Suck it.

See you in [ __ ] tomorrow. [Applause]. [Music].