Joe Rogan Experience #2493 - Protect Our Parks 16

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe. Rogan experience. TRAIN BY DAY, JOE. ROGAN PODCAST BY NIGHT. All day. Let's go. We're back. Wow. We're back. We are back. We're comedy oasis. That's. right. What's [laughter] the story, morning glory? It's been almost a year. Wow, it's flying by. What are we, 12. now? Is this 12th episode? >> I think we're way. >> 16. >> Yeah. What up? What up? Damn, that's a.

lot of drinking. >> have we played Freebird? Oh, we're. playing it again. >> [laughter]. >> We're going to do over 75%. >> same episode we always do. Yeah, we're. going to talk [laughter] about we're. going to talk about coming out of the. closet. Playing Metallica. Yeah, playing. Metallica. R. Kelly. So, it turns out. that that lady that that was a scam. That was fake. The lady who. forced the guy to [ __ ] her. It was it. J.P. Morgan? What? >> Yeah, wasn't real. >> She was hot. >> I know. >> Was that in the last one we did? Jamie. said it's fake, right? It's fake? Yeah, the news is going around that it's like.

there was like a the lawsuit is not. accurate, apparently. It's like a. retaliatory lawsuit. So, he just claimed. that she said all those things and she. made him [ __ ] her. Damn. What a [ __ ]. Wait, is he an Indian guy? I believe so. Yeah. Gross. >> It does read like an Indian guy now that. I'm thinking about it. >> Like a scam? >> Like the horniest guy ever. >> [laughter]. >> Just coming up with the hottest scene. >> [laughter]. >> She called them cannons. When she when. she lady calls her tits cannons, who. have you ever heard of a girl call her. tits.

>> or cannons? Right. 18-year-old or. 16-year-old boy thing. [laughter] I've. never heard cannons. Cannons. I've never heard that. Guys talk about a. girl's cannons when she's nowhere near. them. I've heard cans. Cans, sure. Torpedos. I've heard cannons, I think. I'm pretty sure I've heard cannons. Nick. cannons. Nick cannons. Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> Juggs. Juggs. Juggs, juggs are. hilarious. Sweater puppets, fun bags, knockers. They're just boobs and tits. But a lady saying that? That's no lady. I'm sure she said she did, that's she.

said I'm sure your fish head Asian wife. doesn't have cannons [laughter] like. this. Fish head. That's what he said? That's. what he said she said. Damn. >> What's that to me? More movies? He's. just claiming it's that? Striptease. No, no. What she was the boss and she made. the guy [ __ ] her? >> Disclosure. >> Disclosure. Oh, I used to yank it to. that one. Oh god, you're god. Article. almost made me yank it this morning. I. know, right? >> Laying in bed seeing that [laughter]. picture. Fish head. She's hot. Indian guy should write more. stuff. This guy's a writer, yeah. So if.

she got if he got fired and he made up. that story, like what should the. repercussions be? Jail. Yeah. You can't. just do that. >> Especially well it. for sure. >> well written enough. >> was a guy, the guy would be if it was a. guy and a woman claimed that the guy. said these terrible things, the guy. would be fired, he would be shamed, but. no one's mad at that lady. No, right? >> No, no. No one's mad at that lady for. making him [ __ ] her. No, we love the. lady. >> Even in the moment before it was came. out as a hoax when they thought it was. true, her boss was like, "Come on, you.

can't be doing that.". Yeah, yeah, that's about as good as it got. >> Or he pulled her into the office and go, "Let me see them." Let me see these. cannons. >> [laughter]. >> Blast out the missiles. Doesn't it? We. just got to do our research, due. diligence. I just got to see the. cannons. >> [laughter]. >> Which also we. just to. He might he might be telling the truth. Is it Are we sure it's fake yet? Are we. sure it's fake? What a great The only way to find out no. one believe you is if you intentionally. use words like that. Like I would. [laughter] never speak that way.

There's been a string of middle middle. age [ __ ] going around lately. Have you. noticed that? >> Well, then it's back. It's back. Like. the the reporter chick who's been. banging the football coach. Uh Kristi Noem was cheating on that guy. with the tits. >> with the tits was [ __ ]. >> Guy with the tits rocks. Yeah, those are. cannons. Yeah. The chick who wrote the RFK article that. had a deeply emotional relationship with. him. Oh, really? >> Yeah, and and then that was the that was. the second one. I it was crazy. Then. there was a second one she had like. that. She. she likes to get to know her subjects.

The texts The texts were wild, though. Deeply emotional. Pull them up. >> That bolt back and forth? I His version. was wild. Wait, this is a while ago, right? Yeah, it was a couple years ago. >> something like let my river flow into. your Ooh. I It was It was odd. It's like. a Dave Matthews song. Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah. Does he Does he text like he talks? Is. it all jumbly? But see, for a lady, it's. like a free shot. They never have to. worry about getting [laughter] in. trouble. Like no one's even going to be. in trouble She's no No one's going to be. mad at her as a journalist, even.

It's not like she's discredited. Nah. The husband was like, "I'm This is kind. of lame." The husband Is she married? The husband didn't love it. >> Oh, she's married? Oh, she's a freak. Yeah. The reporter [snorts] with RFK. Mhm. Allegedly. He was a heroin addict, too. He's a fun dude. Fun. Got after it. I like him. >> His life. >> I like him a lot. Didn't used to. stutter. That's true. >> a stutter. It's a It's a vaccine injury. Oh, [laughter] really? Yeah. He didn't. used to talk that way? No. It's from the. flu vaccine. Yeah, you see videos of him.

from the the '90s, he had a great voice. Great voice. Black hair. Are you reading. the text? They're hilarious. It's like. Prince Charles. Any dude who tries to be. like romantic It's like They don't know. how to do it. It's a poem? Yeah, it's a. sex line. Oh, as soon as you're writing a lady a. poem, it's over. How do we know this is. true? Uh Uh I think it was it was. verified. [snorts] From what I remember, it was verified. Olivia Nuzzi. Nuzzi. She sounds like a. freak. >> Yeah. Yeah, she she's sharing it, so I. mean, it could be from anybody. >> She sounds like Staten Island trash. Your open mouth Your open mouth is. awaiting my harvest. Oh.

There we go. She looks like fun. Not too. shabby. >> [laughter]. >> Don't spill a drop. Oh. >> Your open YR Who writes YR for your ear? Come on, really? It's cuz of the way he. talks. Your open mouth is awaiting my. harvest. That doesn't even make sense. You think he eats ass cuz that's. processed? This is my favorite one. I mean to. squeeze your cheeks to force open your. mouth. I'll hold your nose as you look. [clears throat] up to me [laughter] to. encourage you TO SWALLOW. WOAH! >> DON'T SPILL a drop. I am a river, you.

are my canyon. Wow, maha baby. Wow, my love. >> Okay, I'm not buying this. That sounds. like literature. But I can't have a. Pop-Tart? >> [laughter]. >> You can't have Fruit Loops with the good. colors in it? Is it in her mouth? I [laughter] don't. want these gray Fruit Loops, dude. That's the fun. You ever seen Canadian Fruit Loops? They're bland and. dim and dull. >> That's what they're going to sell here. now. It's over.

>> We used to be a country. It's over. But there's got to be a way to make them. prettier. Yeah. >> Without giving you ass cancer? Right. There's got to be some way. But people. are getting a lot of ass cancer. >> of people getting ass cancer lately. I. saw that. Really? Yeah, I know a dude. who's like since early 30s, he's got. stage three ass cancer. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah. But he also took four shots. Four of them. Uh-huh. >> For what shots? Ass shots? >> Vaccines. And that gives you ass cancer? It can give you cancer, allegedly. Did. he boof Did he boof the shots? That's. [laughter] the way to do it if you.

really want to get the vaccine. >> Don't tell me how to take the vaccine. >> [laughter]. >> Stuck the actual needle right into the. hole. >> It was Hollywood. He's going to plunger. it in the back. Jimmy boof it. He got the boofer. >> [laughter]. >> Well, Trump almost got a shot the other. day. Isn't that crazy? What happened? That's the third assassination attempt. on that dude. The [ __ ] guy run and. ran into it. You didn't freeze? I did. Bobby mentioned it in passing. Assassination attempt? It was at the. White House Press Correspondents Dinner.

Where Reagan got shot. But did Was it. Michelle Obama? Same hotel. Oh, really? So that must The Trip Advisor must be. rough on that one. >> Dinner. Dude, was there a. [clears throat] comedian in. No. Oz the Mentalist. >> Oz the Mentalist, yeah. Oz the Mentalist was the. >> he would have a solid comment. You think. >> [screaming]. >> He probably kept his mouth shut. He's. like, I think [snorts] we're going to go. attack two more Arab countries. You know. what's hilarious? [laughter] Metzger. goes, "Did you see the fake. assassination attempt?". "Don't you know? Don't you know about. >> [laughter]. >> Gilgamesh?".

I'm like, "What?". >> Gilgamesh. He always presents his references The. Rothschilds. I'm like, "What are you. saying? I don't know any of the. references." Oh, [laughter] you don't. know? If Metzger can't get it up, he's. like, "Israel." Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything's Israel. [laughter]. It's all about Israel. Oh. Pretty good excuse. I might start using. it. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, start using it for everything. The. most Kanye clips you showed me are. [ __ ] wild. >> He's the best. He's so fun. >> What's nice with the shooter was mixed. race. That's nice. >> Is that nice? >> That's nice cuz you you know you're.

always like, "Don't be white. Don't be. white." Or don't be black. And don't be. Arab. That's the whole point. Be a. combo. What was it? >> Don't be an Arab. Just a American. liberal. Wow. You see, standard American. liberal. Had Had enough of the. uh. whatever you want to say he is. Dictator. Oh, right, right. Fascism. The whole thing. >> Fascism, pedophile. Mhm. You know. He. was like a smart guy, uh valedictorian. He was like a. scientist-y guy. >> he was a teacher. Must be extra tough. for those guys cuz they're like so like.

You haven't gotten in a fight since you. were seven. And then you're going to get a gun and. try to like kill a high-level person. That's like, yeah. What a step up. >> Well, he he shot a Secret Service This. guy. He shot him in the vest. Oh, [ __ ]. Oh, really? Oh, okay. You're saying the. Secret Service guy shot himself? Not. himself. >> [laughter]. >> It might have been friendly fire. I'm. trying to get out. It might have been. friendly fire. >> that lady again? Yes, I think she was. there. The one that [laughter] looks The. one that looks like me? We were joking around about it in the. green room. Imagine if she was like, "I.

know I [ __ ] up way back in July, but. look, guys, I'm better. I've been. working out.". >> Yeah. And then this is their second. assignment. >> Ooh. >> talk about this part yet, the tweet. This is the guy who found the Oh yeah, the weird the time machine tweet. Yeah, this is nuts. So, the Cole Allen guy. tried to kill Trump. It's not inside the. White House though, right? It was at a. hotel. >> yeah. Okay, an X account for 2023 wrote. a single tweet with that name. >> With what? >> So, just wrote Cole Allen from 2023. The. profile belongs to Henry Martinez, a.

NASA scientist who's missing. The. background image from a website called. time machine. If you dedigitize it, the. 2024 assassination attempt photos. appears, but with a hole in the head. instead of the ear. The profile picture. is a green toad in a tuxedo with a. glass, exactly like Trump in the. assassination attempt. Either it's the. most elaborate psyop in history or. someone from the future is leaving clues. in the past that only make sense once. the events happen. Okay. Why do these. time travelers keep trying to kill me?

I'm just a. >> [laughter]. >> Wait a minute. How is that picture the. same? That is not the same. That's just. a bunch of colors and you could decide. it's the same. >> No, you got to decode it. Oh, it's like. a magic eye. No, you got to squeeze your eyes. together. I'm trying. It appears if you. squeeze your eyes together. Sailboat. What do you like one of those. things where you can see like words in a. Yeah, it was always a sailboat or a. guitar, always. Mall rats. Do you think that makes. sense, Jamie? >> This picture, part of it does not make. [snorts] a lot of sense, I don't think. But. >> But it is weird that the guy The tweet.

is nuts. >> Yeah, the tweet is strange enough. From. 2 years ago. So, he's trying to work up. the courage to do. 2023, yeah. Yeah, and then the fact that. it's a frog, it's one of those Kek guys. >> Right. >> Those nutty [ __ ] pranksters. It's. funny if he was just. tried to search somebody's name. >> [laughter]. >> He just got it right. He was just like, "Hey, cool guy I met. at the store.". >> the only tweet this guy ever made? >> I think so. >> Woah, weird. There is a bunch of random. Twitter accounts that have tweeted. random names just one time, so I don't.

know like what the. odds of that happening are. >> slim. >> Right. Right. These are the eight guys. we have trying to like. work with mentally. So, like one of them. will be activated and try to kill. somebody. So, let's get it let's get it. out of the way at that time. Yeah. So, that guy really was Is that factual. though that the guy really was a NASA. scientist, Henry Martinez? But well, so. when the people were looking up his. [snorts] history, they he had a brief, I. think like an internship at JPL. NASA you know, jet propulsion labs or.

something. Yeah. And I think the other. guy did, too. Not I don't know that. anybody knows more than that. >> weird where you find out a lot of these. guys have these weird ties. Like. >> Yeah. that guy who tried to shoot Trump. in Pennsylvania was in a BlackRock. commercial. >> Oh, yeah. Wait, what? It's all connected. >> I did a lot of commercials when I was. coming up and I BlackRock never I didn't. get an audition for any. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, right. I don't know how you get. that commercial. >> to get that gig. >> to be non-union. Not only that, like you. definitely get brought into the fold. Mhm. He was teacher of the year, this.

guy. >> So, did this guy get a shot off? Was he. close enough to get a shot off or did he. >> Allegedly. Jamie said allegedly he shot. a Secret Service guy. How are these guys. getting so close? >> But it might have been that lady. The. fat lady might have. >> guy shot him. Maybe trying to get her. gun out. Oh, [ __ ] [laughter]. He might have been in trouble. P320. might have shot himself. >> She's handsome. It's It's just crazy that they don't. have better security. Yeah, what the. hell? >> How did the guy get in the hotel with a. gun? Like how are you not checking every. room? How are you not like checking. everyone's bags? If you know that the.

president and all of Marco Rubio, all. these [ __ ] people are going to be. there and you don't and Oz the mentalist. and you don't have someone checking. guns. >> there better security at the improv on. black comic night? >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, throw up a metal detector. It's. just crazy that they don't check for. guns. That's wild. >> On a day where it's like the president's. going to be there. You didn't check for. guns. >> it if it's like a UFC sniper or. something where it's like we can't check. everybody like that. It's like 20,000. people. But like this is so small.

>> he did shoot him, but I don't that's. this was the first time. >> agent did not shoot himself. I don't. think there's any question of what. happened here. >> That video they're playing is the AI. video. >> Yeah, that's Well, no, but this is the. real video, which is blurry. And then AI. they enhanced it because this [ __ ]. hotel has shitty old cameras. >> Oh. Which is crazy. >> the running with the guy. By the way, guy's putting in some [ __ ] work. there. There's some speed. >> He's got wheels. >> Yeah, he moves. That guy can move. >> Half black. Half black. >> [laughter].

>> Teacher, he can shoot. Teachers you. know, they work at a school. I mean, what did he think was going to happen? He was going to get past all the secret. security guys, get through the crowd, find Trump behind the stage, and shoot. him? Like what How do you think he was. going to get to him? >> I think these guys don't think it out. I. bet they go like, "I'm going to shoot. him, then everyone's going to love me.". Yeah, they're going to be Luigi or some. [ __ ] It might be schizophrenia, too. Yeah. Yeah, he might be out of his. [ __ ] mind. >> lived, right? He's in jail? Yeah, he. lived. And the guy who shot Reagan was. like, "Taxi driver told me to do it.".

>> Well, he rules. Yeah. Yeah, he's not all there. I think he's. out. Was that Hinckley? Yeah, Hinckley's. out. Yeah, he plays music. I think we've. covered this on the Yeah, he plays a lot. >> [laughter]. >> of songs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he. went from that to Manson songs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, he was inspired by Jodie Foster. Jodie Foster made him shoot Lincoln. There it is. I will be your man. Oh, [ __ ] That's a threat. Oh, yeah. 2023, recent recent release. Can't we get along? Let's hear 2023. >> his job title. Let's hear. Criminal. I. want to hear I will be your man. Let's.

see what Hinckley's what his jams are. like. >> to pay for this. We have to pay for. that? >> No. We have to edit it. We'll see. Okay, well, we'll see. Oh, man. He's got his. name on the guitar just in case you. don't know who shot Lincoln. >> [laughter and clears throat]. [music and singing]. >> Shoot him. things so long ago, you cannot [music]. [singing] define me. by what you do not know. Oh yeah, he's.

trying to. MK Ultra. I misunderstood. That's what. MK Ultra does to a man. Yeah, he he. looks like his brain's been washed. Like. they just poured bleach in his ears. Yeah. They're going to release MK Ultra. files this week, I think. Yeah. I bet. >> [clears throat]. >> They were supposed to release UFO files. >> of black lines coming in that one. Yeah, whatever happened to the [ __ ] UFO. files? Did he do Kennedy yet? Did. Kennedy out? No. What? What? JFK? Yeah. Turns out there was.

some stuff in there that we couldn't. see. CIA. Yep. Maybe some other ones. Congresswoman Anna Paulina Luna launches. House hearings on MK Ultra next month. What is that? A gang? No. I did see a. guy. >> Ultra? You don't know what that is? That's the mind control experiments that. the CIA did in the 1960s and 70s. >> to hookers. Good, honest people going to. hookers. They took advantage of them. That's one part of it. Yeah, that was. Operation Midnight Climax. They ran. brothels there. >> name. Great name. What a good name.

Solid name. Yeah, that's that's that's. absolutely proven. That's [clears throat] all from a. Freedom of Information Act request and. from some documents that they found. What was the guy's name [clears throat]. that was like the head of MK Ultra? Jolly West. >> Yeah. And then he went and saw Jack Ruby. in jail. Yeah, Jack Ruby went crazy. Started saying they were they were. lighting Jews on fire in hell. Like he. Like they gave him acid. He's also was. connected to Manson. >> Yeah. Yeah. Like this guy was running. mind control operations all throughout. the country. Wow. >> They ran brothels where they gave the.

Johns. acid and the the ladies would come out. and give the Johns acid. They would. watch through a two-way mirror and then. film them. Wow. >> See how they react. [ __ ] hell of a. night at the brothel. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, I know, right? Damn. This lady's [ __ ] is out of order. It's talking to me. Trying to get laid. next thing you know you're [ __ ]. seeing Jesus. Seeing Jesus Jesus is in a candle. If. you lean into it, [laughter] that's a. good night. Right? Trying to get a. hooker, you go. If you lean into it. Meanwhile your wife is at home waiting.

for the milk and bread. I was supposed to go out for 30 minutes. >> [laughter]. >> He was trying to get he was trying to. get a head job. [ __ ] is he? It's the. worst lie ever. The CIA, they drugged. me. What do you want? How many marriages would completely. dissolve if prostitution was totally. legal? They'd be a lot easier to do. >> Are they talking? That's the thing. Are. the the hookers talking? No, but guys. are bad at covering up. >> It's like Uber ratings, you know? Oh, that would be bad. >> Like some Uber drivers, they won't shut. the [ __ ] up. They won't play music. >> I don't want to see my passenger score. Yeah, I don't want an XL either.

>> [laughter]. >> Are prostitutes? You know what I mean? If they if they made prostitution. completely legal, and then they had. scores. Do you not think gals would do it? I. think they would. I think there'd be. plenty of gals that would sign up. Yeah, plenty of them. They're doing it now. If. prostitution was They're doing it now. and it's illegal. How so? Oh yeah, they are. So of course. if you took down the barriers, yeah, they would keep doing it. Isn't it legal. in New York City now? Prostitution? Yeah. Kind of. I've never. been caught. >> What is the. >> [laughter].

>> How many guys you blown? [ __ ] I WAS A GUEST IN THIS. IT WAS RIGHT THERE. YEAH, IT WAS A LIE. Cheers [clears throat] to that beard. >> right there. Um but they did do. something where they like decriminalized. sex work in New York? >> Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah. Let's find out, Jima. Sex work. I love when they read it. because they always have a score for. them. It was have un- unhoused sex work. >> until one of them is [ __ ] your. husband, then it's a hooker. Exactly. And if you call a girl a [ __ ] she gets. mad. Like which one is it? Sex worker. Call a girl sex You're a.

[ __ ] with sex worker. Hey. That's a. legitimate profession. It's a pretty. funny way to do it. Yeah. Prostitution. [clears throat]. is illegal in New York City, but. enforcement and politics around sex work. are in flux. In flux. With active debates about. decriminalization and new protections. for sex workers and trafficking. survivors. Anyone else have a Well, that's kind of crazy, isn't it? If you. have protection for the survivors, so. you're saying that they're victims, but. then you're also decriminalizing it. So, you're making it okay to do, but you're. saying that they're victims.

>> No, and like when it's where it is. legal, they go like no one's going to. abuse you cuz you can go you don't need. a pimp. >> Right. You go out in public here. Right. Probably should be. That's well, it's. listen, if you can give someone a. massage, you should be able to jerk them. off. It doesn't make any sense. Get that. right, Robert Kraft. >> [laughter]. >> That poor guy. Old bastard. I met that guy. You can't. help think about that when you're. shaking his hands like. >> [laughter]. >> Sorry they got you, sir. Sorry they got you. Just a normal thing. Could have happened to so many people. 100%. They set him up. He wasn't even.

getting laid. It's a handy. And he's. like 80. I never got a massage, handy. Me, neither. Every single massage I got. I've been like. >> You should have responded to those empty. emails. There's an app for it now called Tug or. something. >> [laughter]. >> I don't think so. Don't ruin it for. everybody that's on Tug. >> Get on it. Somebody told me how to. figure out which one are the [ __ ]. places and which ones are real. Epstein. told me. He goes uh Huh? You know the. No, a front No. What? Did you just say. guy Epstein? Yeah. And he goes, [laughter] "You know the ones with like. locks on the door?" He goes, "That.

There's no business doesn't want you in. there.". So, if you have to buzz in, they're. like, "Hold on. I'll stop jerking. There's a cop here.". >> My friend goes on a lunch break. Like. it's pretty popular People are totally. When I moved to Philly, every single. person was like, "Yeah, that's normal.". Totally normal. Are the girls gross? They're Asian. There's There's a I think there's a. range. And sometimes you get like a. Ukrainian skank. >> [laughter]. >> [ __ ] skank. Could you imagine though Skanky [ __ ]. Have some respect for yourself, [ __ ]. How many relationships would just.

completely dissolve if prostitution was. 100% legal? I think yeah. Well, I'll tell you, in. Thailand it pretty much is and girls. [ __ ] on the first date. Ooh. >> Date? You're taking them out? >> No, not those. Regular girls, cuz. they're like, "If I make you wait, you're just going to get a hooker.". Really? >> So, like, I better put out. Wow. I like. that. Competition. They seem a little. looser sexually anyway in Thailand. >> Yeah. >> You know, with the whole [ __ ] thing. and Right. >> They're pretty chill with everything. Yeah, they're pretty relaxed except for. kicking the [ __ ] out of people. They're. really good at that. They're really good.

at that. >> It's weird weird, like a laid-back. society so good at [ __ ] people up. >> Right. Do you ever look at ladyboys. using their training? Like before they turn into full. ladyboys? Pull it up. >> kickboxing. >> Well, ladyboys do Muay Thai, too. >> When they were younger. God damn it. >> There was one famous one who. transitioned to a woman but kept. fighting men and started getting [ __ ]. up because now she didn't have any. hormones anymore and or balls. Whoa. >> she's just getting the [ __ ] kicked out. of her as a girl when she was dominating. as a guy. Wow. That's kind of sad. Like.

the one thing that you're really good at. other than sucking guys' dicks. is uh [ __ ] people up. >> you can't do that. No, I mean [clears throat] on the. streets. See, that's a guy. I mean on. the streets. Oh, wow. >> Is it? >> Yes, that's a guy. I'm all right. That's. a guy. [ __ ]. >> That's a guy dressed like a girl. >> No, I mean on the streets. Like if you. pick on one of the streets, they all. come after you, but then they use their. training. Oh, yeah. No, So, they gang up. and kick the box the [ __ ] out of you. And you're like, "I just wanted to beat. up a hooker. Why are. >> [laughter]. >> Why are these half-men coming at me?".

These These dainty men. >> [laughter]. >> All right, you need a drink. I got one. Okay. Sorry, she had boys. Hey, hey, hey. Comedy, baby. The parks are being saved. Dude, all over Latin America, anytime I. got recognized, they'd be like they'd be. like, "When are we going to get another. Protect Our Parks?" I'm like, "I'm not. really in the area right now.". >> [laughter]. >> As soon as I'm out of Uruguay, I'll I'll. let them know. Yeah, I. would get questions from people. It was. always that. Same. >> "When's the next Protect Our Parks?". Mhm. Anytime I run into someone.

somewhere. Globally, too. Australia, I. got it. New Zealand, I got it. It's all. over. >> It is fun though when somebody like last. week somebody was like, "When is the. next one?" I was like, "April 30th." And. they were like, "What?" And I was like, "Keep it quiet.". >> [laughter]. >> I did that, yeah. It's very fun. The world needs us. Oh, yeah. It's good. to be back. Goofy ass fake [ __ ] world. out there. Wow. Can't believe how many. we've done. >> Cannons. Cannons, woo. We [clears throat] got that going for. us. I wonder I want to talk to that guy. I want to find out what really happened. It would be that Indian fellow. So.

apparently they're saying he got fired. Is that what the story is, Jamie? He got. fired and then he just made up. >> just make a public post on your your. boss tried to [ __ ] you anymore? Not. anymore. It all changed. I think that it was a. lawsuit that was filed. I don't I'm not. saying that the lawsuit is fake. Like he. but they're just saying that it's. horsehit is what people are saying. Does the lady still work there? I believe [clears throat and snorts]. what I read was that JP Morgan. investigated, didn't find it credible, and she still works there, yeah. That. doesn't seem like it got out of that.

If I was a guy, I don't They were like, "We're going to put you on leave while. we look this over.". >> 100%. 100%. >> like Trevor Bauer like, "Oh, you found. out it's fake. Like can I get my job. back?" They're like, Trevor Bauer He works for the Long. Island Ducks. Trevor Bauer is a Cy Young. the highest award for a pitcher. He got. some chick. pretty much told all her friends like, "I'm going to go get money out of that. guy." Yep. We got the text messages. Yeah, he kind of proved it all. But. Dodgers, was it Dodgers? I don't. remember. It was like, "Hey, you can't. work here anymore." He was Brewers.

Brewers? No, I don't remember. Moved to. Japan. >> Moved to Japan, tried to pitch there. And he's like, "I'm good." He told MLB, he goes, "I'll pitch for free. And I'm a. Cy Young winner." And everyone's like, That's crazy. >> million. Yeah. Now he's playing for the. minors in Long Island. He loves playing. Oh my god. >> Yeah. And what happened to her? I think she. got like a slap on the wrist. Yeah, I. think she was like he was like, "Don't. come after me anymore. Don't come after. anybody else anymore." That's it? >> She did photos with black eyes, got. makeup done. He beat me up. He beat the.

[ __ ] out of me. It was all made up. It's. pretty crazy story. Monsters out there. Crazy. But the crazier thing is like if. you were the if it is the Dodgers, say. it is, to not go, "Hey, dude, we were fooled. I'm sorry. Yeah. Here's. your contract back.". >> He should sue them for that. >> How old is he now though? He's lost. years of his career. >> Yeah. Probably over, right? Yeah. >> He's still great. He just pitched a. no-hitter. Yeah, I mean, really? Yeah. He's playing against nine-year-olds. >> Oh, that's exciting. >> [laughter]. >> Um Those bases. How old is he, Jamie? 35?

That's crazy because like when it all. happened with him. >> He's 35. He's 35 now. It was about It. was about 8 or 9 years ago, wasn't it? 2020? 2021 is when he was suspended. >> 5 years ago he was suspended. So he lost. his prime. That's prime. >> Ruined his life. >> just won the Cy Young. HE'S JUST WON IT. OH MY. GOD. Oh my god. So all she gets is a slap on. the wrist? Crazy. That's pretty much. like go away. She violated some part of.

the settlement and had to pay him 300. GRAND. OH. THAT'LL COVER his [ __ ] monthly. whatever. Yeah. His Zen. Jesus Christ. That's crazy. Yeah. She. only She only got fined 300 grand. She. cost him 300 million. >> Exactly. Oh my god, that's crazy. >> You Whatever you accuse someone of, if. it's fake, you should get that. punishment. Yeah. No, I completely. agree. Yeah. Absolutely. That's never. the case though. Well, she can't play. for the Dodgers.

Who is he with? That's the thing that's. bothering me about this. It was the. Dodgers? Fake sports fan. Why did I think it was the Brewers? Because it was last name. >> [laughter]. >> So if he went to jail for it, that's. what she should go to jail for. Cuz if. she's accusing him of sexual assault. He was I think she was just suing him, suing him. And and public public. um. Whatever it's called. >> Destruction of reputation. Yeah. Oh my. god, that's all awful. Poor guy. You. should have him on. >> I would. That'd be a great combo.

>> Yeah, that'd be a great one. >> you, son. He's also He's also I think. pretty funny. No way. Yeah. Bro, you got. to get a sense of humor after that. If. you survived that, you survived that I. bet you have a wicked sense of humor. >> Playing in Japan where they all have. tiny strike zones. Yeah. That's one. thing I think we could all attest to. That'd be the only thing that's funny. You survive a cancellation, you come out. the other end just a little bit more. funny. A little funnier. Nothing really. matters. A little more positive punchlines. >> [laughter]. >> He's throwing 102 in Japan. >> [clears throat]. >> How many kilometers an hour is that?

Kanye recovers from getting canceled to. have the biggest concerts in human. history. >> Yeah, [laughter]. so wild. Standing on top of the world. with clouds. >> Yeah. >> Bill Cosby must be amazing right now. He's blind though. He can't read his. notes. Ooh, it's tough to read off a. teleprompter or blind comic. But I don't. think he ever read anyway. I think he. was all in his memory anyway, but he. I don't even know if he writes if he or. if he just like sits down and comes up. with these stories cuz he's like a story. guy. Yeah. He is pretty good. I love her new album.

It was like it really paints a picture, but then you're like then you listen to. like Kenneth and you're like, "Oh, this. guy Cosby is very slow." Yeah. It's a different style. It's like. listening to you know, John Denver. versus Metallica. You can't you know. Solid comparison. Yeah, you got to be in. the mood. Yeah, both good. Bless him. Bless him. Bless him. Bro, that [ __ ] concert in Moscow? Yeah, it's the best ever. That is the greatest. [ __ ] thing I watched it later in my.

life. Yeah. I'll do it. [ __ ] yeah. Norman, don't be scared of. the repeating loop of of that Fine. That's fine. People had to listen to the. song in their ears. [laughter]. It's a yearly reminder. >> to close out with a live Free Bird from. '77. [ __ ] you. >> [laughter]. >> Woo. Do you get me a beer? Here it is. Look at this. Oh god. We're doing it. again. Oh, come on. Why did you do that? Deja vu. Imagine how pumped these people are. communism is dead for a little bit and.

then Metallica is on stage. >> It's so sad that rock is dead. It's all. >> talking about that. >> Yeah, it's all queasy now. When was the. last time Where's the new rock bands, the new Zeppelin? >> Why don't you go out for a while? There's some of these smaller bands. Yeah, but where's the big ones? It used. to be Van Halen. It used to be the. biggest part of music. Rolling Stones, shredding, AC/DC. I know. I mean Aerosmith. They used to. be the biggest part of music was rock. and roll. What the [ __ ] That's kind of.

crazy. Nice. Bodega cat, ladies and. gentlemen. They're available at fine. bodegas all across Manhattan. >> that right, fatty. Get a bottle. But yeah, now it's country. Country's. huge now. >> Country's huge. Which is fine, but what. happened to rock? >> no problem I love country. I have no. problem with country getting huge. Yeah, what happened to rock? >> to rock? Who are the biggest. They said garage bands are coming back. with kids, which is kind of means nature. is healing. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah. It's a good sign. Yeah, kids are tired. of playing video games and want. something real. But the.

the the thing about the that doesn't. make sense about rock music is everybody. still loves it. Right. Everybody still. plays covers. >> making any Oasis is doing giant arenas. all over the country. >> songs. I took acid at that Oasis. concert. Really? Which one? I don't. know. Chicago, Chicago. I got MK ultra. Yeah, I was just watching the concert. like, holy [ __ ] How fun is music on. acid? It's the best. See, I've never done acid since college. I'm I go shroom now. Acid. It's interesting because it'll get.

away from. >> Grateful Dead's entire career. Mhm. I. see how it worked. I mean, apparently if. you listen to the Dead on acid, it's a. totally different thing. >> playing to acid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Like they weren't playing for you to not. like it on acid. You're supposed to like. if you you are on acid, let me entertain. you for a second. >> Yeah, you're supposed to be on acid. It's like those ayahuasca ikaros. You. listen to them normally, they're not. that interesting, but if you're tripping. on DMT, they're pretty [ __ ]. incredible. >> some with Roger Waters. We were doing a. podcast here, me, Segura, and Burton, you, and then you were like, "What are. you doing tomorrow? Are you going to. stay? Roger Waters is playing." I was.

like, "Oh, I got to" This is so funny. It's like yeah, I was like, "I got to. leave." He goes, "Why?". I'm like, "Yeah, I don't know. But I'm like but I. my hotel I have to check out tomorrow.". He goes, "Extend it.". >> [laughter]. >> You were my personal guest or what? >> Waters change all his flight to the next. day." And I'm like, "Yeah, all right.". But then it was like, "I got to find. acid on one day's notice.". Yeah. >> You got to shout out Roger Waters cuz he. was way ahead of everybody calling out. the genocide. Way ahead of everybody. >> long time ago. Long time ago calling out. how they're treating the Palestinians. >> got kicked up. He's a little frosty with.

the Heebs though, is he not? >> frosty with me. Oh, there you go. [laughter] He got frosty with you? He. was livid at me. Oh, that was you were. [ __ ] with him. What did you say? He. was on acid and he was [ __ ] with them. after the show. We were all hanging out. and Roger was drinking. This was uh it. was September or October. It was. September or October. We we had a. one-day permission to do one thing. [laughter]. Exactly. Come on, guys. I'll give you. guys each a drink if you let me do one. one piece of paper. >> I chose the devil's cabbage. I was. scared of the acid cuz I who knows where. it came from. Sure. >> "All right, I got a business to run. I.

can't go crazy right now." Mhm. I did. some, Tony's ex did some, and I I. remember we were back at the hotel and I. was looking at this picture and I was. like, "Damn, this is [clears throat] a. crazy video.". >> full-on weeping in the middle of the. concert. Yeah, full-on. This is amazing. Bawling. Bawling. He came up and sat. next to me and I'm like, "What's wrong. with Ari?". He's [ __ ] [laughter]. freaking out. I'm like, "Dude, are you. okay?". >> Really? I was not okay. >> He didn't even know what the dose was. He just took whatever the guy gave him. It was fresh too. I had to let it dry in.

the AC of the car over there. I had to. hold it like a bed. I had to let it dry. some. It was like blotter paper? It. blotted, yeah. Woah. It was so good. But see, that's the. thing with that, you don't know when. it's going to end. >> You don't know where it came from. So, you don't really know when it's going to. start. I took a little I took a little. and I was like, "This shit's not. working. Give me another one." Oh, that old move. Oh, boy, that old move. was I stared at a painting in my hotel. room for 12 hours and I was like, "This. is it." How many guys have ruined their. [ __ ] entire life by doing that with. edibles? Yes. >> Got in that second one. I don't feel.

[ __ ] They took that second one and then. they can't escape. >> This is how those stories start. Yeah, yeah. You're like, "Maybe I'll take the. other half.". >> And they roll right into schizophrenia. land. Hey. In my early. >> Maybe your mom's not really your mom. Earlier as a comic, I pitched a show and. and Lionsgate picked it up. And I flew. out They flew me out to LA to to pitch. the show to Netflix and Amazon. It was. the biggest deal of my life. And the. night before, I did Tripp Lee show. And. he gives you a bag of weed stuff, you. know? And I was like, "I can't do weed. I'm a wuss. I'm a lightweight." He goes,

"Well, take some CBD." And I go, "Okay, I'll do that." I wanted to get some. sleep, so I chugged a bottle of CBD. And. it was THC. Oh. >> I woke up, the bed was vertical. I was. hanging on to the the post. [laughter]. You didn't know you were going to take. it? It felt like the carpet was sinking. with me. I was supposed to go to the. next day. I I had to I skipped it. I. couldn't go. I was too high. I was high. for like 14 hours. Oh, yeah. My manager's like shaking me. Like, "You. got to go." And I'm like, "I can't do. it. I can't face them.". So funny. You should have went. >> I oh god, I would have sold the show. I.

would have shoved my hand up your ass. and operated you like a puppet. >> [laughter]. >> I would have made you go. I would have. sold like Duncan Trussell show if I if I. showed up. >> [laughter]. >> But I couldn't face him and I he would. like I think they dropped me after that. >> Duncan is the absolute best at saying. like [ __ ] around. Like he he was. going, "Hold on, I just got a text from. my wife's boyfriend.". >> [laughter]. >> "How's he doing? Not good. Turns out. he's got syphilis, poor guy. I hope he. gets better.". Just casual. There's nothing worse than. getting that high, though. Like McCusker.

McCusker used to make weed gummies when. we lived together. He'd make homemade. Wow. He would like try to make [ __ ] It. was crazy. And then I'd just be sitting. there playing Xbox and he'd be like, "Here, take some of these." And I'd just. try them out. Uh but one time he left, I. did a show at a casino outside of. Philly. He gave me a bag of gummy bears. Obviously I got [ __ ] hammered and I. was just in my hotel room just Oh. I ate them all. I just ate as many as I. could. Did you know that they were pot. gummy bears? >> I did. But you didn't I was hammered. I. was like, "Oh, yeah. I don't give a. fuck." That would be the [laughter].

best. They're so good. I just killed. that [ __ ] hotel lobby. That was. great. And then I woke up and it was in a. casino with no My room had no windows. It was in the [ __ ] basement. >> Oh. And I didn't know my buddy was also. I was like, "You can sleep in my room.". He was on the floor. He was this kid. that opened for me. And in the morning. [laughter]. I woke up and I was still high as [ __ ]. and I was just like, >> [laughter]. >> In the darkness I hear somebody like, "Shane?" I was like, It's like waking up from a nightmare. [laughter] Wake up. I was like, "Who is.

it? Who is it?". Remember the days when Joey Diaz would. have people on the church of what's. happening now and he would swap out the. 25 bill gram edibles for 250s? He did it. to me. There's like a package like this, whatever. And I see it and it says 25. I'm like, "You know what? [laughter]. I'm a 10 guy, but when I'm with the. reals I'll go 25." And then I ate it, but then something nags in your head. You're like, "Why was it 20 It was like. Why was it open? Why was it tilted a. little? And then I was just like kept. talking and I was like picked it off and. you just see 250. OH. JOEY.

KILLED ME. OH, you do at least try at. 500s. He would give them two 500s. >> got Lee again on four We did our 420. episode and Lee was like, "Oh, yeah. Back to that.". Indy 500. 500 milligrams? Yeah. It's. crazy, dude. That'll blow You know. what's crazy? Jamo, Jamie can do a. thousand and it barely hits him. Shut. up. >> true? You have no body fat. No, no, no. He's got some weird enzyme. You got to. go with a slice of pizza or something. Doesn't work on him. Wow. Okay, fair. Fair. >> Yeah, it just doesn't work with a. spectrum of me. Yeah, anything more than.

a 10. >> Everyone's brain His super brain just. shuts it off. Like, nope, not. interested. Bye. Wow. >> Mine does not, dude. If I take 10 mg, I'm like, oh. Same. Same. Well, the. UFC's always great. We take like 50 and. just like [clears throat] 6 hours of. like. >> guys took acid at the UFC before. >> [laughter]. >> We were up in the back seats. We took. acid and me, Redband, and Diaz. And then. Rogan It was kind of early on and. Rogan's like, "Where are you guys?". We're like, "We're up there." And he's. like, "Seeing us." Like, "Are you guys. flying?" We're like, "We're [ __ ]. dude.". >> [laughter]. >> Half Half of my day was thinking about. them being on acid watching these crazy.

fights. Like, this must be so It made me. jealous. It felt like it must be so fun. Yeah. Forrest Forrest Griffin came in. and everyone's cheering. I'm like, "Why. are you cheering? You might get hurt. animals." This is like 2005 then. This. is early days. I just seen Brock Lesnar on acid. Terrifying. He's a warrior, that guy. Bro. Like a Viking. >> You ever see his daughter? Yeah, his. daughter's a champion shot putter. What? No, what do you say? >> She's a [ __ ]. athlete. Oh, shot put. That's She throws.

that iron ball. You know what she's good at? Shooting a. gun. Bro, she's shooting. She looks a. lot like him. You got to see her. They're definitely. related. Watch [laughter] her. Yeah, 100%. Look at those. But, watch the video. So, go to Get her. a Jesus. See if you can find a video of. her throwing it. She's a beautiful, sturdy lady. Mark's talking [ __ ] I agree with Shane. I I have nothing but respect for you and. your family. She'll buy you a note. I. like them sturdy. That is a Viking. woman. I know you Look at this. That is. a. Pale honky. >> Bro, that's crazy. Imagine blowing your.

shoulder out trying to [ __ ] throw. that thing. Imagine her grabbing your balls. >> [laughter]. >> Hot machi. Can't go over the line. Don't. go over the line. You make a warrior. with those genes. >> Yes. What's the mom look like, huh? She's hot. She's a. She's a pro wrestler. She's a [ __ ]. transformer. [laughter]. She's a bulldozer. He's a She's Optimus Prime. Get the mom. up. The mom is hot. Oh, yeah? He got all. She got all Brock's genes. THAT'S THE.

MOM. WHAT? YEAH. SABLE? FROM WWE? THAT'S RIGHT. WHAT? Sable was so hot. The puppies. But bro, look at his jeans. The those jeans dominate. >> Nice cannons. Those are Viking genes. That's what Iceland looks the way it is. Viking genes. Oh, is that them now? Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. She's older than. him. She was Sable. She looks great. She's got a bit of a bulge though on the. right. Well, that's her hands, dude. Oh, god. Oh, god. You never know. She's. really risking it with I love you, Brock. Brock Lesnar's going [laughter]. to [ __ ] kill you. He'll find you.

Brock and roll. He's writing your name. down with crayons right now. [laughter]. He's got that sword tattoo right here. Just a real warrior. Yeah, he said he. got drunk and didn't remember it and. woke up and was like, "What the [ __ ] did. I do?". >> Yeah. He just regret it. That's a lame. tattoo, though. He just For sure. For sure. Well, Steve-O's got a dick on. his forehead. >> Yeah, but Is that right? That's for fun. Yeah. He gets tattoos on a on a ATV. He. was on the podcast and it was like first.

couple of minutes and I was like, "Do you have a dick tattoo above your. eyebrows?" I said, "Yeah." What? I'm done his pod. I didn't notice that. Good impression. I think he got. [laughter] It must be new. I missed it. too. >> Yeah, it's pretty new. He was on He was. on a few months ago. Jamo? Not even. New. Jackass coming next month. YEAH, LOOK. OH, MAN. WHAT A LUNATIC. WOW. Post. Malone tattooed him? Post Malone tattooed him? He's not a. trained tattoo artist. >> That's Well, I don't think you have to. be trained. That dick's got a quite a.

curve. He really good. Are there rules? Yeah, actually he might he might. actually know. Are there any rules as to. like who can do a tattoo? No, I don't. think so. So, any charge or whatever and. like have a business, yeah, but You. could just do it though. But who wants. to do it? Do you want to your friend? I. saw fear. You can just do it with pen. Interesting. Huh. Interesting. Steve-O's a good egg. He's a fun dude. >> Steve-O rules. He's a fun dude. >> Jackass rules. New Jackass, I was so. excited when I heard. It was like. Oh, they're doing another one? June. Oh. He played a bunch of the scenes where.

and Knoxville did too with him them all. getting concussions. And I was like, how. many I asked Knoxville, how many times. you've been out? He's like, at least 16. Wow. >> 16 times, out cold. >> when one of them gets like Reddit rap. for not going hard enough like Knoxville. did once and he goes, "Fine. They I'll. step up and I'll literally blow a ball. off." Oh. And then like and like Danger. had one where he's like, "I'll be the. one this time." Knoxville always went so. hard. >> Yeah. It was It was bad It was bad. feedback. But they were like, "You're. protecting your face too much." It was.

like, "All right, I'll show you." I. asked I asked Wee Man. I was like, "Who. got PTSD this time?" He was like, "England. England's [ __ ] forever now.". Oh, yeah. Yeah. What? >> Why? Cuz they put him in horrible. situations. >> What did they do to him? I don't know. I'm waiting to find out. What, Jamie? I. took him out in this one cuz the last. one they got him No, they got Danger. Aaron last time bad with a bear and [ __ ]. where you could tell he's like, "This is. never going to leave me.". >> [ __ ] donkey in the one, that was. terrifying. Donkey They'll kick you. >> walked up behind when the goal was to. get him [ __ ] in the nuts.

He'd have to stand behind him. And he's. just behind him like shaking and they're. all making fun of him. And the donkey. kicked him? >> Yeah, got him right in the balls. Oh my. god, dude. They don't get into a room. He obviously knew something was. happening. >> He knew something's up. He just He just. can't be. >> He looks great. He does look pretty. good. Nice skin, full head of. >> handsome devil. He's a handsome guy. So he's in the room strapped to a table. >> electric chair. They're shocking him. He's like, "Come on, stop. It's. annoying, but I get it.". And then what happens? >> They cover him in honey. Oh, no.

They always And he's like, "What. Is that meat? What are you doing? >> [laughter]. >> Relax. Ow. THE [ __ ] HONEY'S IN MY. OH, [ __ ] OH, GOD. >> [laughter]. >> I LOVE THOSE OH, [ __ ] There's. something's opening. >> [groaning]. >> Oh, my god. >> a chain on, the bear. Uh, uh, keep. watching it. >> [laughter]. >> The chain is probably just so they could. pull him off. Yeah.

Stay calm. >> Oh, he's going to lick him. The chain's not attached to anything. That's a good point. Chain's free. Talk to it, Aaron. Try to calm it down. >> Oh, this is wild. >> This is crazy. >> My bear. Oh. Are you really allergic to bees, Aaron? Oh, he's trembling. >> [laughter]. >> Are they shocking him? They're shocking. him. I didn't even get to answer. >> [laughter].

>> No, no. All right, we can't really watch. this. >> Oh, is that like salmon? >> Oh, my god. Yeah. Oh, this is crazy. He's so frightened. OH, HE'S GOT THE. PAW. THERE'S NOTHING more in there. There is, though. >> more in there. That's not so bad. What. if he just came? You see his pants get wet? They [ __ ]. with him real bad, though. This was. All right, get him out. Get him out. Get.

him out. Yeah. So, it's a trained bear. Sort of, though, but it's a bear. Yeah. >> Yeah. You know what's nice is Bam, they. let Bam back in the group. >> Oh, good. >> Oh, really? >> He's in the next one. >> I heard he's like skating again. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's getting there. >> So, what happened to him? He just went. off the rails? Drugs? >> Pills? Pills and stuff. Now, he's back? He's back. Come back. Let's go. >> Yeah. Bam rules. There's a video There's. a video I saw and it was like, asking. all the Jackass people who can skate. People are like, "Oh, Weeman's pretty. good." And then someone's like, "No, Danger Aaron's pretty good." And then it.

just starts the Chiron just going, "It's. Bam." Yeah. And then Rake was like, "I. can do an ollie." And they're like, "It's Bam.". Bam was good. >> I met him a bunch when I was going to. college. Really? >> Really? >> went to college in West Chester where. they all were. So, like yeah, you'd see him around. town. He was just the nicest. Yeah. >> He was always just the man. He owned. that town, huh? Oh, yeah. >> Lambo. You'd see it. It'd be at It'd be at the [ __ ] Wawa. You'd be like, "Holy [ __ ] Bam's here.". >> [laughter]. >> Holy [ __ ] Holy. With his eyeliner. >> Yeah. I drove by uh Castle Bam this I.

You know the house they have? Viva la. Bam. >> I lived when we were filming Tires. I. lived right next to it. Occasionally just drive over and look at. it. >> Yeah. Every kid's dream. Skateboard [ __ ]. in the back, the ramp. >> trick that was off a bridge onto a. moving bus and then off the bus onto the. ground. You'd think of the video game. Oh, I love the game. Maybe, but no. This was real. Bam's dad. got [ __ ] pretty hard, though. What. happened? >> Well, they were They would just punch. him in the face for no reason. Yeah. Phil. They would just wake him up and. just start punching him in the face.

It was great. The sweetest man on the. planet. He'd be like, "Come on, man. Cut. it out. I'm sleeping." Yeah, [ __ ]. rude. Crazy that those guys did that for. so long. Oh, yeah. >> Like that seemed like a thing you could. only do like once. Hell, they're still. going. Yeah, they're still going. The. first places I ever did stand-up and had. hosted my own show was his bar in West. Chester. Wow. The Note. >> Like how old are they? Like how old is. Steve-O? He's got to be 50. Yeah. 50? Here he. Look what they did. Yeah.

What are you going to do to him? Oh. Oh, the dad finally gets his revenge. He. tastes hiding behind the door. Yeah. It's all right. Yeah, Jackass. rules. Yeah, hell yeah. Jackass is the. best. It's the best comedies. Just crazy that those guys made a career. doing that. >> Yeah, that was They became famous just. [ __ ] each other up. >> We all copied them. I Me and my friends. were outside filming us jumping into. trees off of roofs and [ __ ] It was We. all were like, "This is the coolest. thing ever.". >> Yeah, they were all had to be They were. the first ones to be like, "Don't do.

this.". Anyway, that's the legal part. >> No, watch. I'm going to do it. This. shit's cool. We're having a blast though. You should. try it, but don't do it legally. Yeah. How is the new Fear Factor? I know. Knoxville is hosting it. >> I haven't seen it. Knoxville host Yeah. He came on to. promote it. >> Yeah. He's hosting the new Fear Factor. >> nice. I love Jackass so [laughter] much. Yeah, me, too. He's a good dude. Johnny. Knoxville's a really nice guy. >> Coolest. Yeah. Although his dick is. broken. That sucks. >> I think it's fixed. Oh, great. I think.

they fixed Fix that nowadays. Just a. popping out of them. stem cells. [ __ ]. everyone's getting them. >> [laughter]. >> I got them. Everyone's getting dicks. these days, dude. Wait, you got stem? Yeah. Woah. What does that mean? Waste. of I don't know. It's been 1 day. I. don't know. How do you feel? Feel fine. >> see that thing that I sent you today? No. I sent you an article that this. where this video this lady is saying. that the the one operation that has the. least amount of success and is the most. unnecessary is meniscus operations. Mhm. I had one, too. I couldn't walk though. What do you mean? I had to do it. >> rehabilitation is better. Like keeping.

the tissue in there and rehabbing it is. better than having it removed. Interesting. Yeah. I don't know. I had I. had mine removed on my left leg. >> Yeah. But it does [ __ ] with me more than my. right leg. And what do you have in the right leg? Just I have a tear. Meniscus tear, but I. just stem celled? Yeah. Tear and stem. celled it? I tore I tore it doing a. kicking contest with Joe Schilling. Woah. With jeans. on. >> You're a jackass. >> [laughter]. >> Jeans on. You're a totally jackass. We. were He just wanted to see who could. kick harder. Like he heard I kick really.

hard. He's a world champion kickboxer, so he wanted to kick this thing and he. wanted me to kick it. I did it with. jeans on. What did you do? A bag at the. arcade? We have this machine in the. back. You hit it and it shows you like. Did you tear your meniscus on that? Cuz. you [ __ ] rocked that thing. With no. warm-up at all at 52 years old. >> [laughter]. >> Just [ __ ] slammed it. >> Joe Schilling came in 3 hours early and. stretching. No, he didn't. He did no. warm-up, either. That would be a great. Jackass. Joe Rogan kicks you. Oh. Yeah, that would be bad. >> He.

had thing to watch, too. Cuz he was. already rocked and [ __ ] up, and then. Butterbean put him out. >> And they're in like a Target or. something. Yeah, yeah, like a [laughter]. potato or something. Yeah. They had the. crazy the extra level though is that. it's not just somebody, it's Butterbean. punching you. Or it's not just taking a. slap shot, it's somebody from the. Predators [ __ ] slap shotting it at. your face. >> [groaning]. >> Oh. That's where he had Francis Ngannou. punch him in the balls. The cup test. They guys this was like they just kept. telling him like like your fighter's. going to come today, and they didn't. tell him it was Francis Ngannou. Oh my. god, it's hilarious. Oh my god. Oh, there he is.

This is this is Bean. I mean, they went. a little too far. I can't watch that. Yeah, you can watch it. >> All right, let's watch it. Watch this. And Francis doesn't EVEN HOLD BACK. OH, I MEAN, THAT'S GOING TO RUIN YOUR. JUNK. OH, DUDE, that kind of pain is. crazy. Also, that's a terrible cup. That's a shitty cup. >> No [clears throat] one should ever doubt. Danger ever again. >> Watch this ONE MORE TIME. OH MY GOD. HE. TOOK IT, TOO. HE PUT all of his 265 lbs. into that, too. The realization on his. face when he when he's like it's worse.

than I thought it was going to be, and. it's real. Bro, it's like getting hit by. a car right on your dick. That's brutal. >> Right. Look at the eyes change. >> And the thing about those shitty cups is. sometimes those shitty cups hit your. nut. Like the [laughter] cup actually. your balls are kind of like poking out. the side a little bit, and the cup slams. in your nut. >> it's not that they just got this at. Target on the way to this. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like it wasn't. fitted. They were just like I got just. give me one. Real solid cup with a. compression shorts. See, Gen Z or Gen Alpha will never have.

a Jackass. You don't think so? No, I. think they're too mean people. But what. about these streamers that keep getting. beat up? >> Yeah, they're cable. Oh, is that is that. a thing? >> Yeah, these streamers are like picking. fights with people and getting [ __ ]. up. >> All right, all right. Yeah, there's a lot of streamers that. are getting that [ __ ] beaten out of. them. In a good way? Well, I mean, they're getting they're provoking. people, and occasionally they provoke. the wrong person. >> They fight club it until somebody picks. a fight back with them. There's this one. with the Tiki. Tiki fought for the UFC. He's like a top level trainer, manages. fighters, and this uh streamer kid is in.

his face telling him he's going to [ __ ]. him up. And Tiki is like, "Oh, really?". And he's like, "Yeah, I'll [ __ ] you up. for sure." And then he like moves too. close to him and Tiki just cracks him. >> Is it the elbow? No, I think he punched. him. I don't know if he elbowed him or. punched. It's so hard to tell cuz it. happened so fast. >> Mhm. But it's like the dude's in his. face and this is a dude that This guy, watch this. And he's got a drink in his. hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it an elbow? Slow. that down a little bit. That was right. on the jaw. Let's It either is a punch. or an elbow. It's hard to say cuz it. happened so fast. Yeah, it's an elbow. He dropped the drink. What did he say to. him? Nice elbow.

>> that was an elbow? He said he was going. to [ __ ] him up. >> [snorts]. >> Wow. >> going to slap him. I'll slap the [ __ ]. out of you or something like that. Now, is is that just cuz. >> the Yeah, that is the wrong guy to [ __ ]. with. Right. >> Like Tiki's really good. Tiki Masala. He's big. I wouldn't Even. if he didn't do UFC, I wouldn't walk up. to him and be like, "What are you going. to do, pussy?" Exactly. [laughter]. I knew to drop it. He was like, "Drop. it.". >> whiskey. Yeah. Well, that's probably why. he didn't punch him. >> the second but he dropped it. He let it. go. >> Yeah. Drops and and elbows. Nice. technique, too.

>> time on that gentleman. One more time. I. thought that was a hook. The kid was. like really good. Well, the elbow's just. as powerful, dude. That's what I mean. Especially coming out of Tiki. So, he. Let's see what he says to him. He said a. bunch of [ __ ] to him. What? I said straight up. Are you the guy that got slapped on. video? >> I did, but I'll slap the [ __ ] out of. you, though. Oh, you will? Yeah, let's I'm going to show you the. inside of. No, man. No, I'm I'm making another. clip. I won't do that. Seriously? I WON'T DO THAT. OH! >> [laughter].

>> BUT THESE SOME OF THESE STREAMERS, MAN, they make their whole [ __ ] career out. of doing stuff like that. He got up. Who's that guy? Wow, he got up. It's. hard to say what's going on. >> Or is that the bouncer? Oh, it's hard to say what's happening. It is hard to say. It's not him that got. up. It's some other It's a girl or. something. Well, I think he probably got. up too because I see the black jacket. It's the But it seems like he ran in. there That's him. Ran ran in there after. him and threw a couple punches at him. I. mean, the fact that he took that is. pretty impressive. I'd be done. >> I would have gone night-night.

Yeah, but you wouldn't have you wouldn't. have been there. I wouldn't have been. there. You wouldn't have been going, "I'll [ __ ] knock you out.". >> He wouldn't have even done that in the. first place. The whole thing is crazy. I'll be like, "Hey, he was talking more. [ __ ] on the way up anyway." But there's. so many of these guys that are picking. fights. They're just doing anything they. can to get attention to go viral. It's like a nightmare. You're walking. down the street and someone's like, "What's up, bitch?" Oh, boy. Well, I'm. going to look like a [ __ ] I'm not. going to do it. >> those. It's some guy with his girlfriend. at like Target and they just start. mocking him and mocking the girl in. front of forcing his hand and it's like.

I said, "I'm just trying to shop." I. don't want to fight you. Who are you? That's how people get shot. Yeah. >> For sure. Yeah, you do it in the wrong. place. It's terrible. But it's just these kids today. Like. there's so many of them that are just. trying to get famous. Like the the. number one thing that kids want today is. to get famous. You know, they used to. like do a list, "What do you want to do. when you grow up? What are your goals?". Like a giant percentage of them are get. famous. >> That's true. What's up with that. clavicular homo? You know what I'm. talking about? >> [laughter]. [clears throat]. >> I think he's the opposite of a homo. I. think his whole thing is looks maxing to.

get chicks. That sounds gay to me. What. is looks maxing? Well, one of the things. he does is apparently he hits his face. with a hammer to put micro micro breaks. in his face to make his jaw look. stronger. That's just trans. You're just. man-to-man trans. There you go. Oh, man-to-man trans. Yeah, you've just. altered your looks to make yourself more. of a gender. Yes. Interesting. Gender. affirming. Yeah, he's got fake tits. then. Is that trans for girls? Yeah, let's let's do it. No, I like it. No, don't take fake tits. All right, leave. fake tits, but you can't [ __ ] make us. You can't be It's gender affirming. If.

you're like, "Men look this way." Then. you're like, "All right." So. Is it. >> [snorts]. >> It's like you can be something you're. not. >> [sighs]. >> He gets laid, though. I'm sure. [clears throat] I'm sure he does. He's a. handsome fellow. He's very handsome. But. he's like apparently does meth. And he. does Yeah, he talks about it because. like he finds it better than Adderall. for controlling his appetite. >> [laughter]. >> That'll do it. Like this is the thing. Like they want to be lean as lean as. possible. Can't do meth, but. kind of entertaining. I heard he did. Adderall for controlling appetite. How.

about just self-will? I don't I mean he. overdosed the other day on stream. Overdosed on what? Easy. >> [laughter]. >> What did he overdose on? I don't Which. one is he? Don't specifically say. That's him. Yeah, he is handsome. He's pretty handsome. So what did he. just fall apart? >> took it off the camera, but yeah, he's. just like falling down a k-hole. Could. He's about to be dead. You know what? I. I actually saw this and he was What was. cool about it was how nice he was to. everybody. Aw. >> Like even while he's like overdosing, he's like people are coming up, "Can I. get a picture?" He's like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." He was like he was Maybe he.

overdosed on Molly. He looks like he's. having a good time. Definitely Molly. Yeah, it could be Molly. That may maybe. why he's so nice to everybody. Yeah, that's not a k-hole. I've been in one of. those. You don't smile. Yeah, I don't. smile. Oh, [ __ ] But is that overdosing. or is he just on it? >> That's why it's The clips are going. around saying overdosing. Jester Maxing. is so funny. These terms. He's just a. boy band. Mogging and. everything is toxic and dangerous. Streamer looks maxing culture is toxic. Culture.

What is gooning? What is gooning? Gooning is a thing. We've had this. argument. What's gooning? Very sick. Masturbating to just really. obsessing over anything. Gooning is. hilarious. Okay. So like a stalker is gooning. Ooh, could. be. I don't know if you're getting that. right. Double goon. >> It just means like you obsess over. something, which is like masturbation. all the time. And that that has become. like obsession. But I think it's stayed. with masturbation. >> It's definitely just masturbating. It's.

It's all It's basically just being as. horny as you can [ __ ] be, and it's. very funny. All right. I've gooned quite. a a in my day. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You're a. gooner. I'm a gooner. Yeah. All right. I'm going to have some beers, aren't I? What? Can I get one of them beers? Yeah, it's beer time. Feel like one of those. Joe Rogan's. back. Yeah. Eight months off the sauce. Lot of moderation. You went on He went. on a uh. >> Moderation is the key. He went on a. drinking. a drinking uh withdrawal until Trump. said you could do mushrooms as well. And. then he goes, "Okay, [laughter] fine. Fine, I'll drink.". What was that like, being in the Oval.

Office? >> Pretty [ __ ] strange. The whole thing. was strange. How about sending him a. text message explaining everything to. him and him saying, "Let's do it." Wow. Dude, well, let's do it. And then the. next day he sees me. >> saying, "Yeah, let's do it.". >> [laughter]. >> He's getting texts from BB. He goes, "Yeah, [ __ ] it." Yeah. It always works out for me. Shut down. the street. Who gives a [ __ ]. He showed up at the uh UFC event. He. shakes my hand. He goes, "It's done.". What? >> And then a week later we're in the White. House with all the vets. All those vets. that had taken ibogaine and saved their.

life. You should have had Okay, it's a. missed opportunity. You should have had. all those vets and then a couple like. dreadlocked white guys who are also. like, "This is going to help me a lot, too." This is going to [ __ ] rule. I. should have had Duncan. I should have. had Duncan. Duncan dressed. [clears throat] like a shaman. >> [laughter]. >> Everyone's going to benefit from this. >> With what hat on like you're wearing? >> [laughter]. >> You should have wore that [ __ ] hat. He's wearing a suit behind the. president. >> Well, I had a suit jacket and. everything. I was prepared, but it was. in the other room, but he was, "Come on. in the Oval Office." He so he brought me.

in the Oval Office early. >> were not wearing a suit. I didn't see I. had a jacket, a suit jacket. I didn't. have a I was going to wear a tie, but I. hate ties. I said, "Let me just dress. like I dress at the UFC. It looks fine.". So I wore my UFC [ __ ] outfit. >> Zelenskyy in a tracksuit. No, I had a. nice button-up shirt and a nice pair of. pants, nice dress shoes. I was. respectable, but I just wasn't wearing a. tie. And but I did have a suit jacket, but it was in the other room, but he. dragged me into the Oval Office. "Come. over here. Look at this. It looks so. beautiful now." He's like showing me all. the new gold work. The Oval Office has. like gold everywhere now. It's like all.

gold leaf everywhere. It's pretty. impressive. >> it Persians? Oh. Yeah. Definitely not the Persians. Bin Laden. loved gold. He loves it. He He like. loves doing up the Oval Office. >> I shouldn't have taken a tour. Yeah, I. was Me and a friend You ever took a tour. of the White House? When? 2 years ago. >> No, no. A year A year. We did DC. No, it. was Trump No, Trump years. He wasn't. there, so we got in, but they were like, "You can't go into the Oval Office." And. we're like craning our head in with like. our feet just on the outside. Like, "Hold my hand." Oh. Saw the big Gulf of. America Oh. Oh, this is back Yeah, he.

had literally just had a map next to his. desk that says Gulf of America. You're. like, >> [laughter]. >> It's a map of water. God, especially cuz. you're like walking through and you're. like, "Damn, Lincoln." There's a lot. You're looking at all these cool things, and then you see Gulf of America next to. the desk, and you're like, Hey. >> [laughter]. >> What is that? Really gross bill that they just passed, though. What is that FISA bill that they. just passed, Jamie? >> Uh. Yeah, something just happened where. people are freaking the [ __ ] out. Belichick? >> It's something No, you're And it's. something to do with uh them being able.

to look into all your private. communications without a warrant. Oh, I. don't like that. >> Is there a new one? Simone told me that. every new car is going to have AI. testing to see if you're drunk or not, and then they also won't abuse it. That's probably bad news. It's going to look at you while you're. driving to make sure that you're not. hammered, get video of you. >> Oh. No more smoking joints in your car. Get an old car. That's what I got. Get. an old Mustang. >> Is that a real thing? Senate's likely to. reject the House passed. >> Good. Thank God. We should force them to.

reject it. Jesus Christ, this is crazy. >> Um 3-year extension of Section 702 of. Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. that allows federal government to. collect communications of non-citizens. outside the US, though it often includes. communications with American citizens. But then, if they suspect you of it, like with Tucker, Tucker was. communicating with uh Putin's people to. do an interview through Signal. So, they. took his encoded is like So, it's all. encrypted. They took his encrypted.

signal and they decrypted it. Someone. who knows this stuff explained it to me. said it cost about $600,000 to do that. They said they can decrypt encrypted. messages. They just have to get the. data. So somehow or another they got the. data off of his phone, they unencrypted. it and then they contacted him said we. know that you're meeting with Putin. He's like how the [ __ ] do you know? They're like we read your signal. He's. like what? Like But he's like yeah, I. mean I am meeting with him doing an. interview. I'm a journalist. Yeah, well. that was his position but it was also.

his position that he's using an. encrypted app. Like they unless they're. suspecting him of a crime, they. shouldn't be able to look at his. encrypted messages. So like this idea that you know you're. sending things on signal and no one. could read them. I think that's. [ __ ] I think it's more difficult to. read them. So local cops are not going. to do it if you're just buying Molly. Right. >> It's not worth 600 grand. >> Exactly. Exactly. Hey, Seth [ __ ] get. leaked too on signal? Remember that like. a year ago? I think that was because the. those. people accidentally included a. journalist. So it was like a giant group.

of like 10 people or something like that. and one of them was a [ __ ]. journalist. These knuckleheads and the journalists. has just released all the text message. So they were sending emojis after we. bombed Iran. >> Here's a fun story today. Wait, that. guy? Suicide note purportedly written by. Jeffrey Epstein weeks before his death. in jail has been kept secret for years. locked up in a courthouse. That means. investigators scrutinizing his death. lacked what could have been a key piece. of evidence. So now they're saying. there's an. a note they found that says There's a. brand new note for. >> of a sudden exists. No one says they.

haven't shown it or said what it says. They're just Everyone's now reporting. Well, how about the [ __ ] autopsy that. says that his prostate was unremarkable. but meanwhile he had his prostate. removed? Oh boy. There's a lot of people that don't even. believe he died. >> I think he's alive. I think they just. phased out him. and he's [snorts] living a good life. somewhere. You just think they changed. him? Yeah, I think that all people that. all go to that stuff like don't worry if. we kill you then we're all worried about. ourselves. We're just going to relocate. you. Israel. Israel, maybe. >> That's what I heard. From Metzger. From.

Metzger. [laughter] It wouldn't be. Israel. He'd live it somewhere like. >> he live in Israel? That's the place. where he's most protected. >> Cambodia. True. No, they'll kill him in. Cambodia. You got to live in Israel. >> No, there's parents in Israel. Of who? Of people. Yeah, but do you know that's. like the number one place where like sex. offenders [laughter] go from America. that are Jewish who are in trouble? Wow. They'll take anybody in. I didn't know. that. Yeah. They take anybody in. Yeah, especially Jewish people. They'll just. take you in. Wow, Jewish people had a. run. You had Madoff, Weinstein, Epstein.

>> yeah, thank you. The other guy. Nice. Hell of a run. You guys are. >> Cosby-berg. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah. Kind of proves Kanye's point a. little bit. I don't love the the Kimmel. [ __ ] is annoying. Like the the fighting. with Kimmel over the joke. You're like. come on, man. I mean here's the thing. about that joke. Come on. Am Kroll had a. really good point. He said that joke He. said that joke on a Thursday. On Friday, nobody gave a [ __ ] Because the. Kimmel. He said a joke about Melania. He. made his own mock White House Press.

Correspondents Dinner. And he said. Melania has the the glow of a woman. who's recently widowed. Okay. Just does. it. It's an old guy joke. Like he's. going to die. >> Yeah. It could be or an assassination. joke if you want to take it that way. But he is old. Wait, after the attempt? No, before. So it's on Thursday and this. is Carolla's point. It's a really good. point. He said no one gave a [ __ ] on. Friday. It came out It came out on. Thursday. No one cared on Friday. No one. cared on Saturday until Saturday night. when the assassination attempt. And then. all of a sudden everyone's blaming. Kimmel. It's so funny that the right.

wing turned into the same [ __ ] [ __ ]. [ __ ] that the left wing are. This is. the same [ __ ]. >> It is the same [ __ ] It's human behavior. patterns. You could call them left or. right. I mean this is why the left. supports war in Ukraine. It's like the. why the left supports censorship. It's. like the same patterns. It's control. control and power. You want your side to. win. Yeah, 100%. >> found the note. Where? Nicholas. Tartaglione FOUND IT. OH. WHO'S THAT? WHO'S THAT? >> WHO KILLED HIM. THE [ __ ] super jacked.

contract killer cellmate that he had. Mhm. >> You know that story? Uh-huh. No, his. cellmate was a [ __ ] super jacked cop. who killed drug dealers. No. Yeah, dude. was a gorilla. I mean, [ __ ] show Ari a. picture of the guy. Tartaglione is this. [ __ ] huge Gee. people corrupt cop. Yeah, super guinea. He's like a roided up guinea. Damn. Go. to images. >> to see this cat. Wow. Imagine that guy's your [ __ ]. cellmate. Jesus. And he's killed four. guys, four drug dealers.

>> What's he a contract killer? What's he. in jail for? Murder. Oh. Quadruple. slaying. He's in there for [ __ ] dogs. No. >> [laughter]. >> Dogs are all his buddies. Cute dogs. Cute little doggies. He's a pretty good. guy. He's a pretty good guy. dogs. He's. [ __ ] murdering people, and then they. put him in the cell with him with. Epstein. And then he said Epstein tried. to kill him 18 days before he died. Mhm. excuse me, he said Tartaglione uh tried. to kill Epstein. Epstein complained his. cellmate tried to kill him. Yeah. We.

tried We tried to strangle him to death. Whoa. And he found him on They found him. unconscious and unresponsive. >> [laughter]. >> Whatever they do. Whatever they do. Yeah. Grab my guy hat. >> [laughter]. >> The whole Epstein thing is so crazy. That no one's going to jail for that. It's pretty surprising that they're. still not releasing it. Here's what's. crazy. No arrests, no no no one's like. being brought in. Meanwhile, Colmey is.

getting arrested for a photo of. seashells that say 8647. >> He's getting arrested for that? Yeah. What's 8647? What's 8647? 86 get rid of. President 47. But you could say. but 86 is If you get fired, what. happened to Mike? He got 86ed. >> Right. >> mean you got killed. But this is a crazy. thing to arrest someone for. >> FBI director arrested in Virginia. Appears briefly in court. Well, they. already like had it out for him. They're. just looking for any excuse. >> crazy This is.

The problem with these guys is it sets a. crazy precedent. >> but that's. that's the precedent. That's already. That's the worst Like that's crazy. >> That's the crazy one. FBI director is. like, "Oh, you went after me? Well, now. we're going after you for nothing. It. doesn't matter.". >> It's nuts. Like you're going after. someone for something that's just silly. 86 47 is get rid of 47. >> Right. Free speech. But it's just like. arresting a guy for that is nuts. Comey. don't play that. Yeah. I mean, it's one. thing like if you have like a photo of.

him like an AI You post an AI photo of. him dead, you know, with bullet holes in. him like, "Wouldn't that be nice?" Yeah, but also But even that. >> Even that's okay. Yeah, but not as an. FBI director. Not as an FBI director. Right. But he's a former FBI director, so he's a private citizen at that point. He'd already left the office. It's. crazy. Trump can take a shot, but not a. joke. >> It's just retaliation for going after. Trump? Well, it is, but it's like they're just. looking for any reason. But it just. doesn't seem It seems like there should.

be other reasons. Like if the guy really. was dirty, you should have something on. him other than this seashell picture. >> It's not. He just hates him and he's. using that. I know, [clears throat] but. it's. >> That's such an abuse of power. >> my thing when people weren't upset about. ICE people in the street with masks on. and no identification. I'm like, "This. sets a crazy precedent." Yeah, I. understand you want the undocumented. criminals out of the country. I agree. However, you're you're setting a. precedent for militarized people with 7. weeks training to be walking around with.

[ __ ] weapons of war and flak jackets. with no ID and masks on. That's all I'm. saying. Like this is a slippery [ __ ]. slope you're going down. >> Yeah, it's no bueno. But then also, they. wouldn't have to be there like that if. there wasn't these There wouldn't be any. conflict if there wasn't organized paid. for protests. They paid people to. protest. They paid people because they. had the [ __ ] all that fraud in. Minnesota. Yeah, but there were still. some Yeah. >> was in Minneapolis, why the [ __ ] the. protests were strongest in Minneapolis. and organized, cuz that's where all the.

fraud was. That's where all the people. were getting caught. So, they said, "Let's diffuse this Oh. and buy them. guns.". >> But it's not it's not You don't just. give randos guns and go, "All right, they went over They overstepped, so here. you seven weeks training, go ahead, go. nuts." That's not the response. >> guns. They gave them $50,000 signing. bonus. So, Yeah. Yeah, you get a $50,000. signing bonus. Enjoy. And by the way, a. lot of them are Mexican. I know. Yeah. Lot of them are Mexican. >> Including the two guys that shot that. dude in Minneapolis, both Mexicans. Got. to make my nut.

All right, but excuse me. Hispanic. >> Sure. Latino. Had Latin names. Oh, interesting. I was at the airport in. Philly and ICE agent was like, "Yo, my. man, what's up?" And I was like, "Yo, chill, chill.". >> [laughter]. >> The [ __ ] Don't ask me for a picture. >> see that Trump renamed it instead of. ICE? Now it's NICE. I saw that. It's NICE now instead of ICE. So, now. you're protesting NICE. >> It's National. Immigrations Customs Enforcement. He's. done it again. That reminds me. >> [laughter]. >> [ __ ] Our leader.

That's funny. >> He's a wild boy. Still funny. It is. funny calling it NICE. Is Is your thing. about to go off? Is that why you're. stopping it? Just realized I left my kid. in a Somali daycare. I got to go pick him up. He'll be fine. What happened to ICE. while I was gone? Did they go nuts? No. >> Yeah, they shot the Well, you don't know. about Ali Freddy? Know about that story? >> two citizens. Good for you. Boy, you've. been gone, huh? But [laughter]. Killed two citizens? Well, there was. there's one lady that got killed in a. car because she was They were trying to. tell her to stay put. She was protesting. and [ __ ] with them. And then she.

drove when the cop tried to step in. front of her car. She's clearly turning. her wheel away from him. She's not. trying to run him over and he just ta-. ta- ta- Who? A cop or ICE? ICE guys. Yeah. And he said [ __ ] [ __ ]. >> born citizen? Oh, yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. That lady. A crazy lady who. >> Let's say anyone, but yes. >> Yeah. Lesbian. Allegedly. Yeah, I mean they were both. >> Well, the girlfriend was there. Do you. believe in them though, for real? Oh, yeah. She looked like a lesbian. They don't think? No, they seemed legit.

Yeah, [laughter] she had a kid. She. looked like Brock Lesnar. She she's a. newly lesbian lady. Okay. Newly lesbian. >> What was the backlash on that? It was. pretty bad. It was pretty pretty bad. Yeah, pretty bad backlash. And then this. Alex Pretty guy was after that. >> Did they manage that one? Kurt. >> The Alex Pretty guy was after that. The. Alex Pretty guy was carrying a gun. And. so he was open carrying or. concealed carrying and like ph-. physically pushing cops. Like it was kind of crazy. And then they. tackle him, they found out he's a gun. This is where it gets crazy. One of the.

Border Protections agents grabs the gun. and is taking it away and unfortunately. the gun accidentally goes off. The gun. that he was carrying is called a SIG. P320 and it's notorious for accidental. discharges. So this is confusing because. it's hard to tell cuz the video is a. little grainy, but most people who are. experts look at it say that that at. least the videos that I've watched say. that that gun acciden- accidentally went. off without the guy touching the. trigger. But also it's like has the gun.

The cop's moving away with the gun. They. say he has a gun. Cop or the ICE people? >> The cops say he. it's Border Protections. It's not even. ICE. It's a different organization. So. the Border Protections guys are moving. away with the gun. The gun goes off and. these guys think the guy has another gun. and then they start shooting him. And. they shoot him and kill him while they. have him down, right? It's a rough. video. I don't watch it. >> my interpretation based on videos. I. might not be accurate, but I've seen the. video. It does look like the slide. moves. It does look like the sound of a.

gun going off corresponds with that. slide moving and that gun is notorious. Like if you look up SIG P320 online. accidental discharge, you'll see tons of. videos. I haven't had one of those in a long. time. I used to have them when I was a. kid. Wet dreams. That was a long time. ago. Too early. Yeah, [laughter] been. there. [ __ ] SIG. Sorry. Hey, that's all [ __ ] Let's talk for. 20 minutes.

>> [laughter]. >> Yeah, you see you missed all the ice all. the fun. Good for you. >> But it's like the only reason why there. were violent people in the streets. protesting is cuz it was an organized. paid for protest. They actually. physically paid people to be there and. protest. They gave them signs. >> you get on that list to to get paid for. that? >> to get on some wacky left-wing. newsletter. I don't know. Still like. Yeah, you don't just put random people. Well, I mean you do have to get rid of. all the cartel members and all the.

criminals that came across the border. I. mean they let more than 10 million. people into the country over 4 years. America's a great way of like. overreacting to stuff. They're like, "Oh, Saddam Hussein's a problem. Let's. go in there and kill a million people.". Yeah, America does that. Yeah, we we're. like not the best people to handle stuff. and we're like still like we should. handle it. >> You know who else does that? Who? Israel. Blame everything on Israel. I'm not blaming everything. Yeah. They're they're a part of it. It. is amazing how many high-profile Jewish. people just they have a opinion about.

everything. But when it gets to this, they. Yes. >> [laughter]. >> They just avoid that or come up with. some random way to justify annihilating. an entire city. Yeah, it's just funny to. me when Americans are like, "Hey, this other country is overstepping.". Yeah, we bombed Japan twice. Yeah. We. were pretty brutal. Hold on a second. Afghanistan, Iraq. Those [ __ ] had it. really coming. >> They were Jews. >> Twice? The second one was just going, "Hey, check this out, Russia." Yeah.

>> [laughter]. >> I guess so. But, yeah, that whatever. Well, that was. a long time ago. That's true. >> Everybody did that's dead. But, based on. today, oy. oy vey oy vey. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, it's a lot like Lebanon. Bro, what. they're doing in Lebanon right now is. crazy. Well, they're looking for. Hezbollah. They got to look under rubble. Mhm, Barney Rubble. One more time with that lighter there. What else we got, Bobby? Thank you. There we go. It's a wild time to be alive, kids.

>> It's wild. >> least we're going to have drugs soon. That's pretty nice. Well, at least all. those people that are hooked on pills. are going to get off of them. A lot of. them are, at least. It's going to at. least give them something that works. How come we can't get free health care? How come we can't get free health care? Yeah, right. Why don't we do that? I'm. paying out the ass. Why can't we do. that? >> I bet if they took all the money from. fraud, it would pay for health care 10. times over. >> Or in Ukraine or Israel. Oh, yeah. Why. not? Right. Well, that's what's. annoying. All these politicians are. like, "If we get this much money, we can. cure this." I'm like, "So, let me have. all this money. What What are you. doing?" I think 100% free health care.

would be an awesome thing. But, you'd. also want doctors to be incentivized to. be really good at their jobs. >> For sure, but also. They're not allowed to have the guy that. did your knee and did my knee. That's a. He's a bad No, why can't we have Why. can't we have universal health care and. private doctors? >> Yes. We should be able to have both. those things. >> Like public school and private school. Like public defenders. You're allowed to. have a public defender. >> Dude, the ease at which I got treated in. third world countries was like Really? Yeah, you just go in. Yeah, you go into. a pharmacy. >> See somebody like, "Here's your pills. you need. Here's your Here's your drops.

you need." And they got dirty needles. and weird equipment over there? No. Really? >> Harvard-trained doctors. >> Come on. >> Yeah, there's no upsell for Universal. health care system in America would cost. approximately 3.0 to 3.2 trillion. annually. Oh. That's a lot. >> Which is actually less than the current. system that costs around 5.3 trillion. per year. So, >> Wow. >> a savings of almost 50%. Why don't we. Why don't we get Why don't we get free. health care? So, a savings of 450. billion annually while providing.

coverage to all Americans, according to. Perplexity, our AI sponsor, which is. never wrong. The United States currently. spends about 5.3 trillion in health. care, $15,474. per person as of 2024. Even when. something goes wrong and you have. insurance, it's not paid for. You got to. spend five grand to get anesthesia and. then another five grand to go downstairs. for the surgery. So, what do you think is the problem? What is it What is causing it? >> I would imagine the insurance companies. >> Let's try Let's try to make you. president. Oh, thanks. It's insurance.

companies. Imagine President I've never. had a Jew I got my I got my teeth. checked in in Ecuador and they were. like, "You have impacted gums." I was. like, all right, cuz I was about to go. home in a week. I was like, "When I go. home, I'll do I'll fix it." And they're. like, "Are you nuts? Do it. >> People fly here to get that surgery. Mhm. Cuz it's so much cheaper. Flight, hotels, all that Mhm. is much cheaper. than doing it there. Yeah. And like we. have a surgeon and I was like, is he. like trained? And they're like, "Yeah, he went to Yale Medical School." Dude. shows up, sacrifices a chicken. >> [laughter].

>> That's why they clipped Bernie cuz he. was trying to do this. So, they. got rid of him. That was one thing he. was trying to do. It kind of blows. It's. embarrassing. All right, let's put him. in this. How much would it cost if. school, like higher education, was was. free? Is that Oh, there's too much money in. that. They won't do it. Well, that's the. same exact thing with health care. Yeah. Yeah. And they got four chests. Where. we're at. as a country, it's all And it's gone up. It's the same reason we're doing wars. Yeah. Money? Just to make money. Of. course. >> The oil? >> else. It's not even just oil, but. defense contracts. They need They're.

raking it in. I thought it was just the fun. >> war has already cost how much? Let's. find out that. How much is the war Let's. just say How much No, no, no, but let's. just Let's just look at how much Iran. has cost us. There we go. >> I. >> Wait, straight up guess. I'll do best. Shutting down the [ __ ] street. Right, but I mean just us spending money to. bomb Iran. Just that. The simplest, lowest run without the economic impact, the oil impact. >> the Hormuz and all that? Cuz all that's. a Well, that's that's a factor, but. let's just find out how much the raw. money spent on the bombs. 25 bill. 25.

billion. Ah, that's dropping the bucket. 60 days into the war. >> How much is Ukraine? That's a lot more. So, but what what. concerns me, not just all of it concerns. me. One of the things that someone told. me was that we've kind of depleted our. weapon supplies. Cuz we bought we don't. have that many of those [ __ ]. missiles. >> that. And we gave them out of Well, we. gave them out of Ukraine, we gave them. out of Israel, and then we gave them out. of Now we're [ __ ] using them. That. Zelenskyy's a mooch. He just keeps. wanting more. I don't think it's.

Oh, you think it's his? No, I think it's. Out of sight, out of mind. It's ours. It's ours. It's It's It's the US. It's. money, but it's all it's all together. Every It's all 188 billion. Big scam, Ponzi scheme. Everybody's making money. You should get Trump on here. >> [snorts]. >> We're doing great. Don't let anybody lie. to you. >> [laughter]. >> Maybe you Maybe next time we schmooze. him into the free health care. Maybe. next time we schmooze him into a protect. our parks. Yeah. Yeah, drop in here. Come on, dog. Yeah. It's crazy too cuz. I've gotten There was a pill I had to.

get like three of when I went to Asia or. something, and it was like I got two. here, and they cost me like 400 each, and then the same It's the same drug. In. Myanmar, it's like $40. Well, that's one. thing that he has fixed. One thing that. Trump is working on is making whatever. the low price is internationally, the. price of people pay in America. And he. would he told He's [ __ ] hilarious. He. was telling us to He got I've got a. friend, I don't want to say his name, very successful. He's a big guy. He took. the fat pill, it didn't work. >> [laughter]. >> But he was going on about how his friend.

went overseas, he forgot his fat pill. He went overseas, and he was in Europe, and he got it for like a hundred bucks. And he's like this is like thirteen. hundred dollars in America. And he's. like it's not right, it's not right. And. so he made it so that whatever the low. cost is in these other countries, that's. the low cost in America. That's what it. cost here now. >> Is that right? >> Yes. That's good. Everybody's on it. It's like you're not going to get all. good, any drug. You know, you're not. going to get all good with any president. either, you know. You're you're going to. get a lot of bad [ __ ] cuz all these. people are surrounded by demons. They're.

surrounded by war hawks and demons and. defense contractors and scam artists in. the pharmaceutical industry. There's all. these [ __ ] people that are trying to. make sure that they can make the most. amount of money possible. Just all coke. snorting demons. Mhm. Allegedly. I was. watching this documentary on the. homeless here in Austin. And they're talking about how like I was. on schizophrenia medicine I can't afford. it anymore. Oh. And they're out there. just sprinting around. >> if you take schizophrenia medicine and. you don't have schizophrenia? Ooh,

that's a fun night. I think I did that. at the shots. >> [laughter]. >> I think I took some antipsychotics and. slept for four days. >> [laughter]. >> Huge mistake. >> It it helps you to sleep. >> [ __ ] antipsychotic. He was like here, take this. Does he take it? I don't know. if he takes it. It was expired so I. guess not. Jesus Christ. It helps you. >> expired medication I was just reading. this thing about that. Like most expired. medication is actually still usable like. up to three hundred percent longer than. they say it. >> Yeah, it's like a little bit less. effective but still good. Yeah. Mhm.

Yeah, but I don't even know if it's less. effective. This this thing was saying. that it's a hundred percent effective. for a long period of time after the. expiration date. Mhm. I don't know why. they have an expiration date. It's not. like milk. Right. You know. >> Yeah, the health care thing is really. embarrassing to be honest. It's really. embarrassing. mental institutions and. some free health care for these fellows. outside. I don't know how to I don't know how to. obviously no one knows how to Yeah, get. out of it. Get out of it. A giant. percentage of those people are addicted. to drugs, right? A giant percentage of. fentanyl zombies. You need ibogaine for. all those people, mental health.

facilities. You need to get them on. whatever medication to fix their. schizophrenia. >> And it's also it's not even like a. [ __ ] goodwill thing. It's also like. we need to [ __ ] clean like. >> into their cars. Self safety. Yeah, it's. it's for everybody. So, what are we. doing? Why are whatever. Skid Row in Los. Angeles. >> hold up? Skid Row in Los Angeles is 50. blocks. 50 blocks. 5 0. >> When I last time I looked it said. American health Americans pay. more than two times the next country for. health care and we get the 17th best.

coverage. Well, we're so [ __ ] We're. the sickest. We're the sickest. Yeah, it's nuts. We spend the most money and. we're the sickest. >> Toronto it was clean. Yeah, you just go. right to a doctor. You can see. >> driving around I was like this is crazy. How did How are we getting Why is. America I know. And our [ __ ] is locked. up at the CVS. They don't have that. They're all just stealing. Well, there's. a lot of stealing. It hurts me Mark the. most. Yeah, yeah. I love to steal. Yeah, you steal. >> [laughter]. >> Why are they locking it up? [ __ ]. stealing. You got to do this before you're about. to steal. Well, I got a problem. A. little bit. It's just the airports and.

stuff. movie theaters. You do everywhere. Come. on, don't sell yourself short. They're. going to watch you now. I got to watch. over you. You steal everything. I'll. steal your food. I'll steal your food. off your plate. A little bit of a. thrill. Can I get the window and a rider. thing? It's cheaper, too. Yeah, it's. cheaper. I mean Mark, the last time I. saw I saw Mark steal was we're in a. movie theater and I got some popcorn and. >> [laughter]. >> it's I'm sure it's closed by now. And. then the lady turned around got my. popcorn and then he just had beef jerky. in the movie. Yeah, they're selling it. How'd you get that? He [laughter] goes. most expensive item I just reached for.

it. Yeah. Oh boy. They're chiseling us, too. They up the prices and stuff. >> the prices. I mean you get you get a. Hudson News Cliff Bar it's eight bucks. Not on my watch. >> Not on my watch. Once you're on the. plane you're home free, you know? You're. raising the cost for the rest of us. Yeah, you are. That's why I steal the goddamn Cliff. Bars. They put that in. They they factor. the the theft in. You're a successful. person. [laughter] That's outrageous. You have it so hard. Yeah, you don't No. one's going to be sympathetic towards. you. You have money. I'm not asking you. to. I'm just saying it to you. It's. [laughter] a fun ride. I don't want it.

Does the beef jerky taste better when. it's stolen? Easily. Everything tastes. better when it's stolen. It's so weird. >> Joey has one time at the at the airport, he just comes off from one of those. bodegas and he comes out and he just. shows me Tic Tacs and I was like, "What. is that for?" He goes, "Yeah, right. I. got some on the way home." And he just. threw in the garbage. Wow. >> And I was like, "What are you doing?" He. goes, "I'm trying to stay sharp.". That's the hardest thing he steals cuz. it [laughter] rattles. That's a hard. steal. >> hard steal. >> That's right. Tic Tacs are quiet. Mark. is hilarious. He doesn't want it. >> [laughter]. >> I don't throw it out, I eat it. I don't. throw it out, yeah, yeah, yeah. Joey's.

going in for surgery today. Uh-oh, tits? >> Nice, sneaky. He's getting some skin [laughter]. cannons. He's getting skin cannons. Cannon reduction surgery. Uh, he's. getting top surgery. He's getting his tits removed. He's getting that big scar. But him. shirtless is rough. How many times have you seen it? >> Just once and it's burned in. >> [laughter]. >> I've seen it. He's good at karate. Joey's karate is great. Yeah, Joey's. karate is great. That [ __ ] guy is such an animal. He's. a fun guy. >> kicks and he's got a leg up to about his.

knee height. He's pretty good, dude. Yeah. Is he around? Has he Did he move here. yet? >> No, but he's coming back and forth all. the time. There he is, Joey. Oh, look at. that thing. That looks like AI. That's crazy. >> Jesus [laughter] How does this dude. How's he alive? >> Without context of a background, it's. wild. >> Wow. Bro, that belly is crazy. >> to have a decent hog if you're going to. have that gut. >> Joey's got a hell of a hog. Is he. grubbing or boozing? What's that What is. that? Food. Food, but he's grubbing. Oh, yeah, Joey can't stop eating. >> He doesn't really drink. Always high. He. doesn't drink at all. I go to eat with.

Joey, it's it's a scene. It's a fun. time. He loves it. >> Oh, that poor guy. He goes off, he eats, he eats. He [ __ ] loves food. But he's just. >> I got to go to Chinese place by my. place, you got to come. He's the most. fun human. He sucks. >> [laughter]. >> He's the most fun human that's ever. existed. Yeah. No one's more fun. He's. good egg. He's bare barely a real. person. He's a human cartoon. >> Barely real. He's so funny. So, he's. still getting up on stage? He's still. doing sets? He killed. He killed. He was. here, he did an hour. He's he's really.

good. Yeah, he's got all his great. stories. It's really really good. Really. well done. All right. >> He's the man. Good to have him back. That's the thing about comedy, we're. kind of losing the. the wildness, you know, when I when I. started comedy it was like Geraldo and. all these guys who are all dead now. >> Drugs. I think it's kind of coming back. now. I think it's coming back because. TV's going away. So, it's like it gets. down to the root of what is really. effective in comedy. It's wildness is. more effective. It's it's more fun. If. you're sitting there drunk in a crowd.

and some dude's on stage going off. saying crazy [ __ ] it's more fun. Yeah, cuz you live through it. >> but I don't know if that's actually. here. I think there's a lot of [ __ ]. guys with jobs. Sober, a lot of. sobriety. Got to get up early for a podcast. tomorrow. >> No, these young guys though. These young. guys aren't like that. A lot of these. young guys coming up are doing drugs. >> clubs. Oh, good. Well, they're on clubs, but they're. they're still wild boys. >> Some people are still giving it bringing. it. You hope so. Well, you used to be. Late Night with Letterman, it used to be. so much fun. I know. When Mackie was. drinking when it was just a drinking.

crowd. Let's go. A lot of whiskey. >> They there's there's that here here. >> Here for sure. Like last night. Yeah, last night was. nice. We did it last night. Yeah. >> Oh, what happened? What did I miss? We. just just some booze. We just had a. couple drinks. Just some boozing bros. >> I was begging him to I was I've I've. changed my new uh He doesn't need a peer. pressure method. He's like, "All right, come on, drink." I'm like, "No, I got to. get up early tomorrow." I was like, "Dude, you I'm like, oh, you're going to. call me gay No. and lame. Bro, I've been. gone. I've had time to ruminate on this. You've been peer. I got a new peer. pressure method. Yeah, no, I'm just saying like I want to. drink and I want to be alone. Oh, no.

I was like. I was like, "Tomorrow's going to be. tough for me. I'd like it to be tough. for somebody else. Do me a favor. Chug that [ __ ] drink." [laughter]. Beer one. He has no idea what your count. is. He just comes in and goes, "You can. do more." I'm like, yeah, I could have. done one or seven and you would have no. clue. You're just like you got to go. more. DeRosa is up there too. He's at. number one. It's my birthday month. Yes. [laughter] Yes. He's the biggest pig in comedy. He is a.

pig, dude. I hate him. He'll He'll pour. shots in your mouth. He doesn't care. He'll tilt your hand. He'll also go like. come on, don't be a [ __ ] do a shot. And then you do and then 10 minutes. later he's gone and he's at KFC. >> [laughter]. >> He's so funny always shits on weed. people, too. It's I know. He hates weed. It's so weird. >> I I like his I'm a classic drinker. I'm. with him, dude. He's classic drinker. >> I think he was just around a lot of all. the New York comics got sober and then. just smoked weed constantly. Got bored. And then they're like, oh you're.

drinking again. It's like, dude, you you. haven't had a thought in [ __ ] seven. years, so. What are you talking about? Right. It's. all munchies. Yeah, this I mean everything could be. abused. There's only a couple people in. comedy that do weed like real good. Like. Soder Soder. Jay. Sure. Where they're. like they're just the same. They're just. happy. Chappelle. Chappelle. Chappelle. Cuz yeah, most people go in on weed. >> Fries law. They still are out and fun. Right. It's a personality thing. Totally. They're still still active. A. lot Yeah, most people.

>> I think it's a biological thing cuz I. think it affects people very. differently. >> Definitely. Can you get high when you. smoke? Yeah, Jimmy gets high when he smokes. >> cool. Edibles just don't work on the. kid. That's wild. Young Jamie shrugs. them off. That's crazy. >> to dose him up, he'll smile right in. your face. >> Jamie, I'd like I'd like you to have a. brusky. What's going on? It'd be nice. Give it one. We talked about this. earlier and I'd like I'd love for you to. get involved in it. You talked at me. I. didn't really have. Put ON THE BEER. PUT ON THE BEER. ALL OF. A SUDDEN I'M TALKING WELL, it worked. HE'S DRINKING.

HE SAID SOMETHING HE SAID SOMETHING. NASTY AND THAT'S FINE. What did he say. to you for that? What did he say? He. talked at me. I'm trying to include you. and have it Let's have fun. Jamie was a. sassy [ __ ]. >> He's just being He's just clarifying. >> He's an assassin. You talked at me. I. didn't talk at you. How did I talk. [laughter] at you? I know you said it. was a. I mean it We had a little discussion and. then I said let's go watch Sixers. Celtics. Let's have a couple beers then. Go to a bar and watch the Celtics. Beer pressure. Fun times. Fun times.

When you getting that car? Tomorrow. A tree fell on his car. Yeah, it smashed my car. >> Really? From what? The winds here? They're doing some [ __ ] road work. right in front of my house and then the. vibrat- the vibrations. >> [laughter]. >> They building seven. your car? You got second tower? [laughter] I I. really did, dude. The you don't even. work on the street. The house I live in. I'm renting this house. It's like one of. those new I get prefab [ __ ] or. whatever those things are. These new. Austin houses which are all the exact.

same which I kind of don't [ __ ] like. at all. Is that the same one you've been. in? Yeah, it's like a 15 foot ceiling. for no reason. It's one floor. L couch. It has this type of wall that's like. real standard. It's a beautiful house. It is very nice and I've the last house. I was in was a [ __ ] Queens apartment. but That had more soul than this place. More soul for sure but when I first. walked into the house I'm in now it was. like holy [ __ ] This is incredible. Yeah. This is not this is not a [ __ ]. piece of [ __ ].

It looks like a house from a porn. It's. an Airbnb type of It is an Airbnb. Yeah, okay. It is weird how money changes you. Yeah, like it changes what you're. accustomed to. Mhm. You get a little. accustomed. I was thinking about this. yeah yeah you get accustomed to nice. things but I I keep trying to change and. I'm just not really changing. What do. you mean? As a human? No yeah, the. cement is dry. You're always going to be. Mechanicsburg. Yeah, it's Mechanicsburg. It's light beers. It's like all of a. sudden I realize I'm just getting drunk. at higher places. Right. Like I'm just. in a taller building getting drunk.

Yeah, with more expensive beer. The. exact same This this Everybody at the. exact same beer. Everybody at Deep Creek. It's the same beer but the price is. going up. Everybody at Deep Creek was. like poor white trash in like Maryland. and then they like got rich and like. when they were poor they were like we. could just barely afford one Bud Light. and now that they're rich they're like. 10 Bud Light. >> [laughter]. >> Deep Creek Lake is where pontooners go. to party. Where is that? It's like deep almost by. West Virginia. Oh, okay. >> Man-made giant lake. It. rules. Same with the New Orleans we'd go. out to the Bogue Chitto and tube all.

day. Remember tubing? Yeah, sitting on. the river with a beer and a float and. Can you just jump down walk along with. it? Yeah, you just keep your feet in the. [laughter] water. I think it's good that you're not. changing. It's a good sign. It'd be nice. if I could. Nah, I mean you could change a little. you don't want to ruin you. Yeah, you. got some good stuff going on and nice. car. Literally if you said this to Shane. yesterday if you go you've changed he'd. be like what the [ __ ] is that supposed. to mean? >> Well, it's just wrong. I know. >> And I'd go god damn I wish I could. You. dress the same. But you're not going to. stay at a Holiday Express.

Sure. You stay in nice hotels. >> You've handled fame very well. You. haven't you haven't gotten weird at all. Yeah, some people get weird just from. the pressure of it. >> Almost everybody. Yeah. >> Almost everybody. 98% get like. different. I'm thinking of eight comics. in my head right now who have gone full. diva. Yeah, they get weird. It's very. strange. Shane I know you have not. changed. Oh, the bottom? Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> You've changed bro. You probably. changed. What the [ __ ] Wait, you were. 20 [ __ ] [laughter] You work for. Israel. Now this is.

This is a That's your change. taste of. aluminum. Some people like the aluminum. taste. Bottle beer tastes in a can. There was a commercial I remember when I. was little. What? It was some It was It. was some out some beer and they go. bottle beer taste in a can and I was. like is bottle beer better? Some people. like the aluminum flavor. Yeah. I like Give me a glass bottle Bud Light. What's this? Bottle beer tastes in a can. >> Keystone. >> That's what it was? That's a cheap beer. taste in a can. >> What? My memory served? Bad beer across. those Keystones.

This is a commercial from 1948. That's what I remember. I remember Israel got independence and I. was watching this commercial. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, have you guys Have you guys. watched the Hogan doc? It's good. It's. [ __ ] good. Really? When he's getting. sued for taking down Belzer He rules. And he's like, "I was making 3,500 a. month and I'm getting sued for 500,000. I was famous but not rich.". And they're like, "What are you going to. do?" Oh, he rules. >> I didn't even know he got sued for that. To go into MSG I mean, he choked the guy.

on contest and he dropped him on his. He did He could have John Jones used to. do this all the time but at least it was. soft mat. This was like hard floor and. he goes just like threw him. >> Yeah, but John Jones is doing it in a. UFC fight against Yoji Machida. >> [laughter]. >> He does it and then he He should If he. just laid him down, he'd be like, "Point. proven." Right. But he had to bring it. He's on TV. Yeah, he was drunk and on. steroids and on coke. And somebody's. like, "Yo, your shit's fake.". Is that what Belzer said? Yeah, yeah.

It's so funny, too, cuz he's like cuz. he's like, "Oh, you think I'm fake? Is. that fake?" You're like, "No, but you. don't do that." When I'm talking to It. is fake. >> when John Stossel confronted that. wrestler backstage? >> Yeah, it was great. And the wrestler. just [ __ ] slapped him a bunch of times. Slapped the [ __ ] out of him. I think. that ruined that guy's career though. I. think Stossel or the wrestler? >> The wrestler. Uh I don't know. I think. Who was the wrestler? Stossel's still. around. >> Stossel's still around but I think it. ruined the wrestler's career. Woah. >> Cuz he beat the [ __ ] out He looks like I. feel like he In my head, he looks like. Sid Vicious or He's a giant dude and he.

[ __ ] slapped him open palm to the ear, which could definitely make you go deaf. But I mean, if you told B.J. Penn in his. prime or or or or or anybody like, "I. think what you do is fake." They'd be. like, "It's not." John Stossel was. slapped twice by WWF wrestler Dr. D. David Schultz backstage at Madison. Square Garden after calling pro. wrestling fake during a 20/20 exposé. Incident left Stossel with pain and. ringing in his ears leading to a lawsuit. against WWF. Jewish wrestler. You think. he made money? Oh yeah, slip right out.

It was like Batman. At least he's not. pissing in a kombucha jar. >> He probably is. Give it an hour. But. here it is. So he's grabbing him. He gets him in this sleeper hold and he. go he slumps and then he just drops him. >> Head hit the hit the floor hard. How. professional is he though when he gets. up? This incident is from a 1985 episode. of What the [ __ ]. So Belzer was talking [ __ ] saying it was. fake. Great host though. He pops right. up and goes to commercial. Right back. Yeah. Head's bleeding and everything. That is crazy. Oh wow, look at the blood.

on the back of his head. Look at that. You know who. It's spurting out on his. jacket. Look at that. What a pro. Yeah, that is Chris Rock. could have learned a thing. >> quite professional. He seems happy. Look at Mr. T. That guy is crazy. >> seem upset at all. And then he sued. Yep. But he got to be a pro. I guess so. You got to be. you know. I mean his head looked like. Kennedy. $400,000 settlement. Famously used the. money to buy a home in France jokingly. named it Chez.

Chez Hogan. >> That's fun. He bought a house in France. He lived in France for a while. Belzer. Jew, he's had to be. Yeah. Get a lawsuit. for that. Litigious. Yeah, he didn't use to pay medical. bills. He bought a house. It's like that. means it's a bonus there. In France. It's a Jew move. And I think he was. still doing that Law & Order show and. just flying back and forth to France. Met him once. It's the funniest thing. cuz I saw him in like early early like. doing those late night shows you know. when I was a kid. >> Mhm. And it was like oh that's a. comedian. And then he's done A lot of. comics have this trajectory. Do nothing.

comedic. Yep. TV. >> coded serious. Well he was a comic. Yeah. He did a lot of comedy. I saw him. do stand-up in Boston in the 80s. He. used to be and then he became like just. serious just a funny guy in serious. roles and not even that funny. No and. then dropped stand-up. Well I think it's. just money and ease. It's so easy. >> It's that velvet prison. They start. giving you money, you start showing up. You go, "I'm done." Craft service, you're eating stuff like that. >> is a blue collar job. Also, his. co-worker is a guy who made a song. called Cop Killer. Like, he's like, "I'm.

rich now. I'm rich now. I'm rich now. We're both rich. Don't even worry about. who we used to be." Yeah. >> Yeah. That's interesting. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I said that. eventually they go, "I'm just not like. I'm not 25 anymore." I know, but I mean, it's still a Carlin did it till he died. >> Yeah, Carlin was a real one. Yeah, Rickles. Rickles did it till he died. But, Carlin was like anti-establishment, never changed who he was, and it How. much would Belzer was beginning? Anti-establishment. He was kind of. Carlin guy. He was very conspiracy. theory. He wrote a book on Elvis, Bigfoot, and flying saucers, I think it.

was the book. I read it back in the day. It's a. conspiracy theory book by Belzer. He. wrote five different conspiracy books. What the [ __ ] UFOs, JFKs, and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have to Be Crazy. to Believe. >> Wow. >> Dead Wrong: Straight Facts on the. Country's Most Controversial Cover-Ups. Hit List: An In-Depth Investigation into. Mysterious Deaths of Witnesses to the. JFK Assassination. Wow, he's ahead of. his time with that [ __ ]. >> Yeah, he's He was an interesting guy. Juvenile. Very interesting guy. Wow, he People. loved him. He was a respected comedian.

He was a crowd work guy. He was like He. was the host. He was always the host. crowd work for SNL FOR FIVE YEARS. >> HO! REALLY? CROWD WARM-UP. WOW, Brody. Stevens. Back in the day, he was, you. know, like a comic's comic. Yeah. >> was a bunch of those guys like like Leno. was the comic's comic. >> Totally. >> back in the day. Oh, yeah. they were. like the second best comic there. It was. a prior, but like the second best comic. Who is Who's that going to be? And a lot. of people were like, it was Leno. I'm. like, No, nuts. Yeah. What? Apparently, in the '70s, he was a [ __ ] animal.

That's what I hear. Like, you get that. for a reason. Yeah. You get You don't. just some open mic-er who gets the. Tonight Show. Yeah, but it's that thing, the Tonight Show was just the golden. thing. Oh, you got the bombs. Not the. [ __ ] Eagles. He's got glasses on. >> [laughter]. >> Eagles. Da, da, da. The '70s was like the golden. era for those kind of comics, you know? >> Oh, yeah. I mean, you had a Carlin was. he got I think four heart ATTACKS FROM. COKE. WOAH, REALLY? >> Something like that, yeah. Maybe Pryor was four and he was three,

but they were both up there. Jesus. Christ, I didn't know Carlin had that. many heart attacks. >> I mean, give it a Google, Jaimo. I could. be How many heart attacks did Carlin He. had three heart attacks from cocaine? >> yeah. He also had a pill problem for a while. He had to get off pills. This is like. later in his life. Right. >> Like late late in his life he was hooked. on the pills. Oh, yeah. Carlin? >> Carlin, yeah. Late in his life. He was. deep into his '60s and '70s, I think. >> He was the coolest of all the old. amazing guys I met when I was up there. for sure. But like I had to go get him a.

sandwich. Really? You What? >> He did like a month at the store. Shut. up. >> Yeah, a month of main room shows. Oh, yeah. What year? Uh 2000 2001, 2002, 2003. Wow. >> And I got him a Greenblatt's sandwich. I. go, here you go. There you go. He gave. me 20 bucks. I was like, oh, no, no, man, they covered it. He goes, I know. It's for you. [laughter]. I was like, all right. Sorry, Mr. Carlin. He goes, don't call me that. Yeah. >> He was cool. George. >> very unassuming. He was hanging out in. the back area by the parking lot. He. would also sit in the back in Mitzi's. chair. You know that And and if you did.

well, he stayed open mic sometimes, but. only if you did well. He'd be like, good. job, man. Wow. >> other people didn't and he'd be like, hi. Yeah. >> Wow, he zinged me pretty good once. >> Yeah, he was a real comic. I I did a He. did a book signing cuz he had all those. books and I brought like four books to. meet him at Borders on Wall Street and I. waited in line and all these people are. going like, I love you in Jersey Girl. I. love you in Bill and Ted's. I was like, ah, these people don't know comedy. So, I went up and I was like, I love this. this special Back in Town, amazing, whatever and he goes, what do you do? I. go, I'm a comic. He goes, yeah, you got.

a real talent for jacking around. That's. what he said. Jacking around. >> what that means. >> jacking around mean? It seemed like he. hated me. >> [laughter]. >> You got a real talent for jacking. around. He goes, you sound like a comic. I go, "Oh, yeah." He goes, "Yeah, you got a. real talent for jacking around.". >> Jacking around. >> know what that means, but I I'll take. it. >> 70s lingo. Yeah. I mean, he was around. the day when Lenny Bruce was around. Oh, yeah, he got arrested at his show. Did. he really? >> arrested. He got arrested with Lenny. Bruce? >> Yeah, they were in the same cop car. Really? It's a big story.

Well, That was his hero. >> Carla came into the shop left. What? >> Delete that, Jamie. No. [laughter]. Jamie. Jamie, delete that, please. >> That was a Jamie, keep it. The drive-by. Jamie, delete that, please. [laughter] I was I didn't get. this. We all tried to sort it out. We. didn't even know you were joking. >> We all tried to sort it out. Like, what. is am I missing this? >> What does he mean by that? >> Leave it to Israel to bomb. >> [laughter]. >> Oh, those guys paved the [ __ ] road. Mhm. Tell you that.

>> Getting arrested for jokes. Forget a. heckler or some blogger. What ruined. Going to jail. >> Ruined Lenny Bruce's life. >> Totally. >> end of his life, he was just reading off. court transcripts on stage, and the. people get so bummed out. They're like, "Hey, tell some jokes.". >> Yeah, like we're here for you to do the. thing. There's video of it. I bought. video back in the day, VHS tapes of his. recordings. And one of the recordings. was him on stage in this small club, like just reading off court transcripts. Oh. >> And it was just terrible. >> guys who get canceled and that's all.

they talk about. Right. Yeah. That's. what happens. Yeah. Yeah, that can. becomes their thing. That can. >> crazy. You did an off-handed thing, and. then now it's your everything. Mhm. You. got beat in one race by a chick, and now. that's your whole life. By a trans chick. That one she went nothing. Or that girl. who lost, who came in fifth at a [ __ ]. race by a trans Oh, hold on a second. That one's kind of fair. Yeah, that's a. different thing. She should go, "Why the. [ __ ] is this allowed?" Not 10 years. later. What are you talking [snorts]. about? She made it her life. What do you. mean? A comic got beat in a race? Not a. comic. No, he's talking about the. analogy. No, I don't It's a female.

athlete who lost to a trans athlete. She's going, "We should have laws about. this." The swimmer? Which one? Oh, that's Riley Gaines. >> It's her whole [ __ ] personality now. She didn't go to school for that. She. was on a track, one thing happened, and. then she's like completely changed. Same. as when comics get canceled. It's like, "Oh, that's all be out forever.". >> a good point because not only did she. not lose to that person, the Lia guy, but tied, and then the Lia guy got the. trophy and not her. >> no, but there's more to that. Lia. Thomas. No, they tied for fourth. Yeah.

Fourth and fifth, and then they go, "Hey, we only have four trophies. We're. going to get killed if we don't give it. to the trans lady. Can we just send you. one later?". >> know how crazy that is, though? Do you know how crazy that is? You get. it give it to a guy who pretended to be. a girl for all those years. >> comedy competition that no one saw. No, they'll say, "We'll send it to you next. week.". >> Well, wait, why is the guy coming in. fourth? He should be one. Yeah, for. sure. This guy sucks. All of them lost. Well, he sucked as a man. >> and third, and none of those people. involved came in first, second, and. third. First, second, and third, nobody. cares about. Fourth and fifth is what they're arguing.

about. Wait, I don't understand what. your argument is, though. Oh, it's like, "Who cares?" It's like, "Yeah, obviously. we're going to No, no, no, to make it. your whole life after that is what. you're saying about cancel comics. But. they they become that thing. >> I understand, but. >> She was going to school for not that, and now that's her job. >> what they're going to school for? You're. saying it changed your whole trajectory. >> What did you go to school for, [ __ ]. English, literature, breaking down. analysis of life and stuff. Are you doing well on that right now? >> Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, he's doing. terrible [laughter] at it.

It's failing you. >> No, you say these cancel comics go and. they can make that their whole life. This chick didn't Not doing that. She. tied a race for fourth and fifth, and. now that's all she does for a living. >> an example of a canceled comic that's. made it their whole life? Like who what. canceled comic has made it. >> I don't want to name anybody. >> Right. But you we've just talked about. that. There's a lot of comics who. >> I understand what you're saying. Sort. of. Jew was on Netflix. Jew's on. Netflix? It's on Netflix now. That is. pretty cool that Netflix bought it after. it was out on YouTube. Uh, they didn't. buy it. They're just PUTTING IT UP. [ __ ] JEWS. FINE, [ __ ] FINE. I.

DON'T CARE. HE ate the eyeballs. It it. was already on YouTube. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I totally agree. Can you keep it on YouTube as well or. you have to take it down? Hey, that's. very How many views did it have on. YouTube? Millions. 8 million? 8 million? It should have been 6. That would have. been great. It would have been 6. million. Shane at the Creek is like 50. now. >> 53. That's insane. Yeah, there was a. Indian guy that broke the record in. a week. Wow. Oh, is that right? Yeah, an. Indian comic put it up and. somebody sent it to me and they were. like, "He broke your record in a week.". Damn.

55 million. >> Indian? Is it in Hindu? Yeah. Is it the. Canadian guy? >> Yeah, he's gone. Yeah, there's Indians. There's so There's billions of them. But how do you know with the This is a. thing with views these days though. There's companies that will jack your. views up. Yeah, but that's Sure, you got. to pay for that. Yeah, but you could pay. for it, but you could get millions of. views that way. >> You can see the difference in like We. always do this when we talk [ __ ] about. people who do it. >> Engagement? >> Yeah, they're like they're like 5. million views, 30 comments. Right. Right. What is that? Right. Right. Right.

>> is a view? How much of a view do you. have to watch for a view to count? I. think just a click and click off counts. as a view. That's a good question. The. best is when you send someone like an. agent or something like a clip, you. know, for them to see and they go, "We. watched it. We're not happy with it.". And then you look at it and like, "It. still has zero views." Ooh. It's a. private clip. And then you You. definitely didn't watch it. >> [laughter]. >> Or more embarrassing when someone sends. you something like I just did. That guy. sent me something and I've watched it 30. times. Uh over and over. And it's just.

me in it. He's going to see that all the. views are just me [laughter] going It's. a private It's a private video. That's. so sick. Oh, that's so sick. I feel bad for young. comics. Everything is about views, shares, number of followers. How many. followers do you have? It's not even. about funny. Yeah. It's not about funny. >> think it is though. It is. >> the cream rises, but managers are. literally be like, "We got to hire this. guy today.". >> don't know [ __ ] Well, yeah, they're. It's kind of like the industry in. general. They're like, "How much money. did your movie make?" And then, if they. don't mind getting an Oscar nomination,

but that's not what they're really in it. for. I just with the comics today being. worried about you got to put out click. or clips, you got to do that. It's like, sure, yeah, it's like, do it, but it's. like. Build an act. >> I don't know. I get. comedians always have excuses for why. they're not successful, which is fine. I. I did the exact same thing. But, they're. all like, well, this guy, yeah, he's. only got it cuz he put all those clips. out and did all that. It's like, I don't. know. I don't know. Whatever works, man. >> funny and Yeah, who gives a [ __ ] why. someone's doing well? Who gives a [ __ ].

if a YouTuber selling out a comedy club? Who [ __ ] cares? It's about you. What. are you doing? >> Exactly. >> Just do your [ __ ]. >> And I understand again, I I understand. I [ __ ] loved that thing that you did. where you did that documentary showing. all the leading up to Boulder, the new. thing that you did. >> that? Yeah, it was great. Oh, thanks. The Markumentary. Thanks. It's great. And it it's a great insight as to like. the development of bits. Oh, jeez. I. really enjoyed it. I wish you were my. dad. Yeah. By the way, [laughter]. I could be your dad. Mark, I want you to. know, he told me that behind your back. [clears throat] earlier. Yeah. Wow.

>> him were just sitting out there. He's. like, "You see that thing?" I was like, "Fuck no, I'm not watching Mark's shit.". >> Yeah, it's an hour long. [laughter] It's. good. It's an hour and an hour long. It's really good. >> Was it on the way to the special? Yeah, I did a 10 sold out at the Dallas. Improv, and the special taped like a. week or two later. So, I was just. tweaking and fine-tuning, and I filmed. all the bombs and. >> Oh, no, interesting. all that [ __ ]. >> It's really great. >> Cool. It's really great because it's. like him in a bodega going over the. bits, like reading drinking coffee, reading over his lines, and then. tweaking it and changing them. Yeah. Yeah. Hour and 12 minutes. Uh-oh. Not the gay.

quote. It's not gay. So, yeah, I did it. The quote is relevant. Struggle itself. towards the heights is enough to fill a. man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus. Sisyphus. >> That's a Sisyphus quote. It was. the boulder. Wait, did you do this? I. didn't do that part. Who did this? The. director, Matt Sallee. He beat his ass? It is a little pretentious for what this. is. >> She thunder wear. Come back to earth,

yeah. Oh god, Mark. >> [laughter]. >> Why do you have a nice ass, you [ __ ]. homo? I'm clavicular. Why do you have nice. [laughter] legs, you [ __ ] And he. microfractures his butt cheeks. I was a. deadly hungover there. That's hilarious. Just [ __ ] it out. But it's a great. It's really great for comics to see, especially young guys coming up, like. what the process is like, you know, to. see a guy like you who's been in the. game a long time is really good. See all. bunch of specials already. See you. bombing and tweaking and showing. everybody the bits not working well and. then working really well. Oh, thanks. I.

appreciate it. Yeah, there's this idea. that everything's magic. And then when you show them like their. struggle, they're like, "Oh, okay." It's. trial and error. Like I How many times. have you seen Louie bomb and you're. like, "This guy's the best ever. Why is. he bombing?". >> Yeah. Chris Rock used to come to the. store and the the crowd would go nuts. and he would say, "Relax. It's not going. to be that funny.". >> Right, right. Lower your expectations. >> because he was just running material and. trying to find every possible angle and. get laughs occasionally and sometimes. not and then tweak it afterwards. Yep, yep. That's part of it. That's why Eddie. Murphy can't come back cuz I don't think.

he's willing to bomb for. you know, 6 months. It's not even 6. months. It's years. We've had this. discussion on this podcast before. R. Kelly. It's also It's the velvet prison. The movies, the [ __ ] craft service, getting picked up in a limo. It's like. the grind of writing your own material, putting it all together, everything. riding on your back. Like that is a. warrior's game and you Some people don't. want to do that anymore. >> It's also like you got to do a Tuesday. at the stand where there's 19 people. I. also I also understand older comics back.

in the day not wanting to do it cuz. movies were so much more lucrative. >> Oh, yeah. >> Now stand up is not. Stand up is 10. times more lucrative. Good point. >> And it's like, dude, do stand up. Yeah. Like just do stand I mean But still. there was a couple people back then who. go, "I'll take a pay cut if I do a. sitcom, and it was like a couple people, and now it's like kind of everybody. Yeah. You'd have to make Seinfeld money. like season 7 and beyond to go, "I'll. take off the road for this." Totally. All right, guys. And now there is no. Seinfeld money. It doesn't exist.

Miss Pat is the only person with a. sitcom right now. >> No, what about this guy? BET? Oh, that's. right. But you have Tires is different. though cuz it's a single camera. Like. Tires is like a show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a show. It's a great funny show. Thanks. But it's like there's a. difference between the the the thing. that everybody wanted was the live. audience, four camera, you do it on NBC, CBS, you get residuals. That was like. the golden carrot that they hung over. your head. And stand-up stand-up. couldn't pay. So couldn't pay. No, nobody did anything but clubs back.

then. It was like Dice Clay. Yeah. And then afterwards it was Dane Cook. We. saw a billboard of a poster. His thing's. like a museum. And a poster for Evening. at the Improv with him and Chris Rock. Who's that? Uh David Spade. Oh, wow. And. uh I was there with Nate and and he. goes, "Uh you you did like club for. this?" And he goes, "Bro, we only did. clubs. None of us ever did theaters back. then. If you were really good you'd do. six days at a club, but Carlin did. theaters. Yeah. >> Legends did theaters. Dice did MSG once. Yeah, Steve Martin couple times. Oh, Dice did MSG many times. He did Nassau.

Coliseum. Dice did Dice was doing. enormous [clears throat] places when no. one was doing it. Dice was the original. stadium act. >> But then it was no one until Dane. Right. Between Dice and Dane there was. no nobody. And now it's a lot. And now. people are playing in Demoin, they're. playing the arenas. Yeah. It's not that. many guys. It's I mean it's probably at. least 20. Compared Arenas? Bargatze, Gillis. >> Kevin Hart. Sebastian. Tom. >> Regularly? Hinchcliffe, Louis. Well, hold on, fellas.

Yeah. Let's not diminish it. >> [laughter]. >> No, no. You and Sebastian, Gabriel. >> Gabriel. Gabriel does the giant places. Joe Koy giant places. Kevin Hart. Matt. Rife Matt Rife, giant places. That's. right. Segura. Segura's doing arenas. I. met a guy I met a guy I met an Indian. kid outside New York Comedy Club and he. Indian kids will do something. [laughter]. >> And I was like, "Oh, what are you doing. in town?" He goes, "Doing comedy." I was. like, "Oh, that's cool, man. Where are. you playing?" And he goes, "MSG." That. doesn't count. >> "What?" Indians don't count. Congratulations. [laughter] And he was. like, "Indians count as much as. Christian movies count in the box.

office." Yeah. For real. You'd be top 10. every time. They're horrible. That's hilarious. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, there's prob how probably 10 10. 12? You know. That's four arenas? You see it. on it. We're doing arena every once in a. while. >> Rife? It looks. >> Matt Rife. Rife's doing a lot. Yeah. It's a matter of whether you want to do. arenas all the time. >> The point is way more than no one. between Dane and Dice. Right, for sure. Yeah, for sure cuz. comedy's so big now. Yeah. And there's a. ton of guys doing 1,500 seaters.

>> Yeah. Yeah. A lot of them. Oh, Schultz I. think does arena. I don't know if he's. regularly doing it. >> does regular arenas. Yeah, he does. arenas regularly. Whenever he wants. Whenever he wants. Bert. Bert Kreischer. Yeah, Tom. Yeah, there. you go. Tony. There's a lot of people. doing arenas now. So mostly guys from my. storytelling show. Ooh. Which is also online behind a paywall. The. end. The end. These three guys are on. it. Arena comic. Nice. >> Theater comic. Club almost sells out. Saturdays. >> [laughter]. >> In Denver in Denver I got to say you're.

likable. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, Tony, Nate who We had a bunch You, Tony, Nate. Tom. Four arena comics. That's wild. The. three private jets were at that show. That's insane and we got paid 500 bucks. I got a story. You can cut this out You. can cut this out if you want. Cut back. in. And we're back. We're back. [laughter]. You shouldn't be mad. I'd be furious. >> I wouldn't want to do that. >> It stunk. With that last jet you did you. >> We need a transition.

>> back. That was the way to do it. Yeah. 9/11. Yeah. What? What is that sound? It. Go Go, baby, go. Go, baby, [ __ ] yeah. Aw, look at the gay Ayatollah. Freedom's the only way. >> Straight to hard mode. Iran needs to. understand freedom's the only way. Woo! [ __ ] the regime. We're coming back, brother. >> Yeah. We're bombing everybody, brother. >> [laughter]. >> Free health care. We need to bomb. everybody. [ __ ] health care. How do you.

know those people? Dude, I'll tell you I. met so many people who [ __ ] on America. while I was traveling. It made me more. nationalist. >> I couldn't agree more. Dude, if I go to. another country and somebody's like, "Ah, you guys are blah blah blah." I go, "Dude, you guys are doing nothing.". >> Me and you are like we need health care. We're doing we're [ __ ] up and. somebody's like, "Why don't you guys. have health care?" I'm like, "Why don't. you shut your mouth?" Cuz we have. suicide bombers, [ __ ] All the. Australians like, "You treat your. minorities bad." I'm like, "You wiped. yours out.". >> Yes, we have football. Blow me. Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, we have college football, bro. We. have college football. We've got movies,

music. Once you go to another country, that's when you go. Yeah. Why don't you. guys shut up? Who's number two with. stand-up comedy? What country's number. two? England. England. Oh, sure. Australia. Ricky Gervais, Jimmy Carr. Those are two greats. >> Carr is great. >> Carr is a national international great. Carr is the best. >> Stewart Lee. Carr is so good. >> great. He was so good. He performed at. the mothership. He's running all these. new jokes. I was like, "This guy is a. [ __ ] dude." He's a great. writer. He's dominant and so calm. So. smart, man. Such a smart dude. >> Do you have any of his bruskis I'd like.

to get involved with? What are you. looking for this time? >> America. Glass or can? I would never. waste a glass on a bong. Shane, Shane, [laughter] you haven't changed at all. I. wish I could, brother. It's time to. change. You don't want to change. I. haven't changed. You have not. I don't think I have. You. can't go out as You can't go out as. much. >> You did change, right, Louis? You. changed You changed, yeah. You changed. in un. unimportant ways. You're more into. hunting. Well. But like it's not like. what's different. But that to me is like. my way of staying sane. No, you just got. to do your hobby.

>> of things like pool, archery, martial. arts. Those are things just keep me. sane. I have to do some things that keep. me from going off the rails. Yeah. And. staying off of Twitter. Didn't you have. a thing where. Oh yeah. Didn't you have a thing where. your manager, our business manager, one. of them was like, "Hey Joe, we got to. when you just started headlining.". Correct me if I'm wrong. We were like, "We got to have a talk with you." And. you're like, "What's the matter?" And. they're like, "Buddy, we we don't want to get this out. of hand. We we know you have a gambling. addiction and we want to get you help.". And you're like, "What do you mean?". Like, "You're blowing through money in a. way." And he goes, "No, I just love. lobster and steak." Oh, I was eating.

steak and lobster every night. [laughter] Six lobsters a week, dude. It's like My manager thought that I had. a gambling problem cuz I was spending so. much money. I'm like, "Bro, I'm eating. steak and lobster every night." Damn. And he's like, "You're not worried at. all you're going to run out of money.". I'll go, "I'll make more money. We'll. figure it out." Yeah. Always made it. Once we get in the gate, like I I'm one. of those people that like, if I figured. out how to get in the gate, I'm going. I'm going to keep my foot on the gas. I'll be fine. Joe, you brought so many. openers with you that we made more money. than you.

>> [laughter]. >> We did the math once. Like, he's barely. making more than us. >> But it was about fun. It was so fun. It. has to be about fun. Because I did gigs. with like local guys and some of them. were great. Like, that's how I got to. meet Segura. Yeah, I mean, I met a bunch. of guys who became my friends that were. like local guys, but it was like one out. of 10. And that means nine times I'm in. a town bored watching TV, [ __ ] not. enjoying myself. >> And then being Sometimes they're mean. >> Sometimes they they step on your. material on purpose.

And sometimes they'll be like, "Don't do. that nagging thing a woman will do.". Where she's like, they'll like [ __ ] on. you on purpose. Like, "I don't know you. that I'm trying to be nice to you." But. there's a lot of weirdness cuz you're. the headliner and they're jealous and. they think they should be the headliner. Yeah. They got to go do local material. and you're like, "All right." Okay, buddy. [ __ ] [ __ ]. >> [laughter]. >> There's a lot of that. >> Hey, you should do this. Hey, let's. switch tomorrow. Yeah. You can go on. last before you go. >> gigs were always a party. We had fun. everywhere we went. We had fun. Fun is. key. Like, I'll do Skankfest. and you. make what? $17? But, you know, I have.

friends like, "Ah, you make no money.". I'm like, "It's fun. It's a great. weekend." We would I was trying to. explain this to guys in. >> [laughter]. >> One of Tony's agents was trying to to. pitch this [ __ ] horrible I Not even. Tony's agent. >> [laughter]. >> Someone was trying to pitch this. horrible idea where Tony would take a. percentage of everybody's podcast that. was on Kill Tony. He was like, "No. [ __ ] way." Like, he would And And I. was like, "That money, if you got it. from them, you wouldn't It wouldn't. change the way you feel. You would feel. the same. You wouldn't You wouldn't say, 'I feel so much better now that I have X.

more dollars in the bank.' But, you. would feel like a piece of [ __ ] because. you were [ __ ] people over. It's You. would pay all that money back plus to. not feel that way. >> feel bad, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd give it. all back. >> You would To not be a piece of [ __ ]. It's like. There's nothing better than helping your. buddies. Nothing better. >> Yeah. Everybody has Shane pays people on. the road out of spite. >> [snorts]. >> What do you mean? Like, [laughter] Lev Lev was talking. dumb [ __ ] He was so [ __ ] couldn't.

get out of his own fat way. And then he. goes, "No, clubs are better than arenas. You're crazy." And Shane's like, "You've. never done an arena." He goes, "Dude, you know how Lev is?". Lev goes, and he's like, "I know what. I'm talking about." And then Shane out. of spite goes, "I'm going to give you a. a lot of cash to come over for me on the. road." And Shane And Lev's like, "Arenas. are better, and I I paid my rent for the. year.". >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, those those shows Your crowds are. Great. Those shows are so fun. You do 15. to 20, and just play the hits. It's a. great time. It's really. >> Fun is fun. Fun is fun everywhere you.

go. >> to play Xbox with a bunch of guys from. the NHL. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. [laughter]. It's crazy. You go to an arena. I I. don't think I've had a woman in my green. room. It's just 15 [laughter] dudes. We're kind of having a good time here. You can see the guy who owns arenas so. disappointed, too. They come in thinking. it's going to be cool cuz stand-up is. cool now, and they come in and it's me, Soder, and Shane playing some [ __ ]. video game. It just smells like body. odor and then it's like And there's. chicken nuggets in the rider. >> [laughter]. >> So my rider is chicken tenders and a. case of beer.

Second worst [laughter] pizza in town. and bring it. Yeah. Good time. But that video game you play. brings everybody in. It's an icebreaker. It's the hangout afterwards. I It's so. many memories of us like. some town and just going to anybody in. the street like, "Is there a place to. eat around here?" Like, "Oh, it was a. fog of chowder." I was like, "What?". Yeah. Well, all you need is us. Like in. a green room sometimes I'm like, "I. don't even want to go to the bar. This. is the best." The hang's everything. >> Yeah, at the at the mothership and it's. like whenever it was like, "We're going. to go to Mitzi's." I'm like, "This is a.

great day.". >> This is great here. We got liquor. We. got a day right here. Yeah, but Mitzi's. once once it clears out is perfect. >> Yeah. Well, once the the regular people. are out. Yeah. >> Yeah, once the once the crowd leaves. >> the cool thing about Mitzi's. It becomes. a private club after 11:00. That's. right. That's nice. Always lose my voice in. there though. Oh, yeah. Well, Tony's. chain smokes. [ __ ] old ladies chain. smoking and everybody's drinking. There's great music playing. >> [laughter]. >> He's like, "I'll tell you.". Tony needs a cigarette extender. >> [laughter].

>> Virginia Slims. His ability to write and. roast jokes is extraordinary. It's very. weird. >> I gave him a angle yesterday on the on. the. Can we say where? What? Is he on the big one? Oh, yeah. I. think. I just gave him an angle. I was like, "What about this?" He goes, "Ooh." I'm. like, "Something like this." He goes, "Yeah, but wittier than that. Yes." And. I'm like, I don't know how to write a. joke. Well, as soon as you got a. punchline, they're there. Yeah, they're. there. I'm like, "Yeah, now you do your. thing.". >> Those jokes are there. [laughter] He. thinks in like that kind of joke like. roast joke form. Like that's how like.

he's so fat he. Like that's how his mind works. >> [laughter]. >> It's really fun to watch. It's like I. cuz I don't That muscle is a different. muscle. >> muscle. Both your guys was good. yesterday. I'm Yeah. It's funny watching. them. do a going to be a massive thing ahead. of time for a crowd. The crowd's like, "This is so cool." Yeah, well, it's cool. cuz they get to see it worked out and. they're going to get to see it live. And you get to see people go, "The jokes. are good." Not on that one? I'm very. happy with the jokes. >> And you're going out cold, right? You. got to open it. >> Yeah. That's tough. >> about.

I don't think I'm a good host. as far as the hey everybody we're on. live on Netflix welcome to the I don't. think I'm going to be able to do that. I'm going to go, "All right, [ __ ] that.". Uh. Just be yourself. >> This is my joke. It don't matter. Once you start talking, it's all good. >> Dude, there's a video I saw Waylon. Jennings Jr. I think it was him and. they're doing a like a roast like a. barbecue and they're like, "We're here. waiting for him to show up but he's been. barbecuing in this thing for the last, you know, 14 hours." And then they they. come in some lady's like interviewing. him. He's like, "So, we're ready for. your roast." He goes, "Oh, that's not. mine.".

>> [laughter]. >> He was like, "No.". She was like, "What do you mean?" He. goes, "No, that's a TV thing." Uh. that's. >> [laughter]. >> what I go, "No, mine would be. underground and we'd have like. moonshine." And she goes, "For the. base?" He goes, "No, for fun while we're. waiting for the meat to come out.". >> Yeah. He just like ruined the TV version. of it. He was like, "No, that's a lie.". Yeah, I got kicked off of Last Comic. Standing for that cuz they they they put. you in a room and they're like they want. you to have drama. They're like, "What. do you think? Who do you going to beat?". And I'm like, "I'm probably going to. lose." And they're like, "No, no, no, you got to like talk shit." And I'm. like, "Oh, they don't want me on here. I'm going to bomb." And they're like, "What are you doing? You're ruining the.

show.". They want you to be like, "Fuck that. guy. I'm going to take him down.". >> Just say, "Hey guys, what anyway? We. know what this I don't know how you. would do it." That's the tough part. That's the hard part. >> I'll do it. There's just a couple jokes. that I'm like, I know they're funny but. it's like, man, it's going to be tough to tell publicly. >> They're doing it. You had a. >> [laughter]. >> You had a couple jokes in there that. were like. it you can hear the reaction of like. laughter or like, "Oh." Yeah, and that's a [ __ ]. mothership crowd. Yeah. That's [laughter] a bunch of people that. are like, "I paid good money to see. somebody be racist tonight.".

And they're like, "Bro, [laughter]. calm down.". That's hilarious. The black jokes go. hard. >> The black jokes go hard. >> But hey, you know, it's a roast. This is. this is what we this is what we want to. see. I know, but I got to go [ __ ]. first. >> You have the MCing stuff cuz you haven't. MC'd in forever. But is is Kevin Hart. going to be there? >> I've never done anything like How you. guys doing? Well, like when he's when. he's out if he's out first 100% he has. to be there. >> If he's laughing, you're golden. He'll. laugh. Oh, he'll laugh at anything. >> the black jokes with the black guy.

laughing you're you're good to go. >> Yeah, I'm not it's more the. internet. >> How you guys doing tonight? >> Oh. >> Cuz it's in LA. I am going to be it's. going to be live and I'm going to say. some pretty offensive things and then. I'm going to have to stay in the pocket. of being like I know the people at home. like this. Yes. >> But now an entire room of famous people. don't like me. Dude, dude. Dude, they're going to kill. On paper it sounds easy. I get it. I get. it. >> Bro, I know people in the WNBA. Like. people that work in like management and. the and the and the players. And I was.

going to war over your ESPYs thing. Yeah, what were they saying? They were. [ __ ]. >> not happy with it at all. Well, they. seem like not happy with it. They seem. like a grumpy bunch anyway. Huh? Yeah. [laughter] Not happy with it. They go, you got to know you're playing for. And. I was like, right, to me at home. watching. And they go, that's not where. the audience. I'm like, no, you're in. the you're in the room. We're all at. home laughing and we thought it was. hilarious. Like she didn't even know this lady's. name. I was like, well, that's the. point. But the the ESPYs was a good training. ground to do it. >> great. I was nervous and awkward on.

that. No, but they got 10 million views. or whatever. It's for the internet. America. [ __ ] yeah. The [ __ ] day, yeah. What night is the roast? Just so I know. What night is it? Sunday Uh Sunday Ah, [ __ ] I'm going to be gone. Damn. >> Where you at? I'm getting there Tuesday. Oh, no, it's next. Why don't you go. there early? What do you have to do I. get there Sunday and then. >> It's the 10th. It's the next Sunday. Oh, okay, okay. All right, cool. I think I have a gig. Me and Luis got.

matching Legion of Skanks outfits. Oh, you're on the team now. Yeah. You're. you're a member of the Legion of Skanks. now. What? So. with Jay. Yeah. this stop you from. moving to UK? Unfortunately it does. Thank god. Thank god. [ __ ] those limeys. I don't even know if. it's unfortunately. It's a massive. opportunity for me creatively. This is like a dream. You've been going. a lot of that. for the [ __ ] Mossad. plant to get out of there. The Mossad. [laughter] plant. Yeah, maybe I'll stay. >> Yeah, it'll be fun. Yeah, you have to. [ __ ] going to England.

>> Yeah, they were going to stab you. anyway. You left enough. >> [laughter]. >> That's true. They stab you in the. street. >> They do get stabby over there. Super. stabby. Getting stabbed with [ __ ]. blow darts. Yeah. And you're you're. right there with the guy, too. At least. a gunshot. >> Gunshot could be like, where did you. come from? Some distance. >> like, I know. Yeah, it's you. I hate. you. Right. [laughter]. Woof. Yeah, anyway. Yeah, you're better. off. >> Yeah, you're better off. I think it's. good. It's divine intervention. >> better off than Skanks. Yeah. There you go. It's What is it? 15 years.

running? Yeah. This is perfect for you, Ari. It's. the It's my show. England's not perfect. for you. >> Although it's weird seeing you tied down. to something. Yeah, [clears throat] it is. I've never. seen you commit. I'm [laughter] What do you got to do, once a week? When Shane and I ran for. president and vice president, we'll get. into another episode, but it was the. logline was until one of us betrays the. other. Until [laughter] one of us double. crosses the other one. >> [gasps]. >> We didn't. We didn't. Only because you. found out Lewis was going to [ __ ] with. me and you double crossed him. Yes. Dude, that was nice. >> Of course. I would never do that. I'm.

not going to let my president go down. like that. I'm J.D. Vance. >> [laughter]. >> I'm banned. Underrated something that. happened in COVID is Shane We're like. We're making a. I [laughter] was. I You guys were making the biggest. mistake comedically. I was so mad. There was a video going. around of of all these stars singing a. some like Beatles song. Oh, yeah. Imagine there's no heaven. So, Lewis's. idea was like, let's do something making. fun of it. We'll all sing a song. Down. with the sickness. Down with the.

sickness and we'll make a video and I. was like, "Oh, I'll I'll edit it." So, we just got to sing a verse, but I need. every single one of you to sing the full. song. And I can choose. >> And then I'll pick and then I just have. a full video of every single one of. these dumbasses singing that song. [laughter] And I was like, first off, the idea was not funny, that is gay, I. will not be a part of that. >> as a favor to Louis. I was like, "If you. think this is good." And then Shane. Shane called me goes, "How how bad will. your retaliation be if I release your. video?" And [laughter] I was like, "Dude, I didn't put anyone's video I was.

like, "Bro, you have it right now." Send. it to Jamie As a comedian, you should do. it. I will scorch the earth to get back. at you. >> to Jamie right now. >> Yep. I'll find him. Do you have it. categorized? But see how it was and I. kept trying to like like [snorts] it was. hard to make sure they did it seriously. So, I was like, "No, like don't [ __ ]. around. It'll be funnier if you guys are. like really singing as best you can. You. [ __ ] around in yours." I did? Oh, thank god. But, I mean, it's still a. horrific and embarrassing video. >> That whole thing was so weird. Imagine.

there's no heaven while granny just died. of COVID. Also, it's like this is this. is like it's a war song. Yeah. It's a. war and religion song. Yeah, it was What. are we doing? Very It was a very strange. time where people just got. into smelling their own farts. Yeah. Well, the COVID hit and actors had no. juice anymore. They were like, "Oh, we. got to stand out." Please don't. Oh my. god. The real one, the one that imagine. video. I can't watch this. Throwing it. up for you guys to see. Actors really.

made themselves worthless on this. Yeah, I mean, I can't. Okay, we can't sing it. The Beatles are probably. >> You got Sarah Silverman being all. serious. >> She's like, "What stars are in this? I'll do it.". Oh, she was being joked. Yeah, who that. is? Who is that? Timothy Chalamet? What's wrong with his. teeth? Oh, Fallon. Oh, Fallon. Hey, pal. He's an opener now. >> [laughter]. >> You can kind of hear it. Oh, [ __ ] insane. >> This is worse than being like on. Epstein's Island. >> Get an iPhone. >> clamp. God, actors. Yeah. They're so [ __ ] weird. Well,

they're not as important as they used to. be. So they're like, "Oh, this will be. relevant.". >> They're about to. >> COVID they were like, "I'm not getting. attention. Let's just do it ourselves.". And you're like, "You guys can't do. this.". >> The worst was the black and white one. when they're like, "I am ashamed of my. whiteness." Yeah. That wasn't even a. song. That was just them talking. The. black and whiteness. Doing the BLM BLM rights. You do. I got Derosa. I got Derosa going. >> [laughter]. >> Send that to Jimmy right now. Send that.

to Jimmy right now. >> Derosa will get sincere. Derosa gets. sincere especially when he's drunk. Dude, you're such a good friend. I'm. like, "Shut up, kid.". You're [laughter] adopted. Shut up. Shut. up. I've never met a president adopted. guy. You Egyptian weirdo. >> Everybody was like trying to be silly, but the bit sucked so bad. >> So bad. >> so happy when you guys were doing it. I. was at Stanhope's when this was going. on. Oh my god. I didn't get the. Drunk at Stanhope's like, "You guys. suck." You killed [laughter] us. This. dude at Stanhope's was hammered. You killed us. Dude, you suck.

That [ __ ] blew, dude. I can't believe. you guys did that. How much you got left. in there? It's such a weird thing when. people decide to do things to make. themselves look like they care. Look. like they care. That's the thing about. Hollywood. They want to look like they. care. And it's so [ __ ] transparent. That's always a bummer you get that text. like, "Hey, can you make a video for. this?" I'm like, "Ah, it's going to ruin. my whole day." Cuz you like have to. think about it and spend time on it. It's a nightmare. Change your number. Yeah, like, "Can you help me with this?". You get it you get one or two of those,

change your number. There we go. Jojo. Rabbit. >> Music, please. Music, please. Oh, it's going to be cold. >> [music]. >> Woo, he's back, baby. Ayahuasca gain. >> Ayahuasca gain. Ayahuasca gain. DMT mushrooms. Yeah, congrats Congrats on the ayahuasca gain, bro. That's sick. Dude, that is such a. win. That is such a gigantic win. They're hoping the degenerates. >> They're going to reschedule the Sacha. Baron Cohens and have them available to. people. What's interesting is that all this was. done during the Nixon administration to.

squash the civil rights movement. The. civil rights movement and the anti-war. movement. >> Some people don't even like mushrooms. And that was also one of the things that. I got to say. It's one of the things that I got to say. during the whole Trump thing. You said. black people don't like them. I said no, I didn't say Okay. >> [laughter]. >> Black people don't like mushrooms. I said they love certain foods, but you. can't bring them up. I uh I said the these things weren't. made illegal it was like because it was. all live. They couldn't stop me from. saying it. And Trump just let me talk. So I said these aren't illegal because.

they're harmful. They're illegal because. of the sweeping. Controlled Substances Act of the 1970s. in the Richard Nixon administration to. target the civil rights movement and the. anti-war movement. That's why they made. them illegal. They're not illegal cuz. they're harmful. And the idea that they. were schedule one for all these years. with so many people using them to quit. smoking, to quit drinking, to quit. drugs, to get their life together, to. like relax before they're dying. Like so. many people that are like filled with. anxiety cuz they're dying of cancer. They take mushrooms and they're like I. think I'm going to be okay. Can you get.

[ __ ] up on ibogaine? No, it's not. recreational at all. It's bad. It's a. bad experience. What? Yeah, it's not. like a fun time. >> But it's it's neuroregenerative. Like it. it helps people that are like Rick. Perry, the the governor, he had some. sort of like natural atrophy of his. brain that happens when you get older. Within 6 weeks or so after doing it, 25%. of the atrophy was gone. 6 months later, 100% OF IT WAS GONE. YES. It's nuts. It's it's very positive,

but a bad feeling when you're doing it. Who is this? The guy from Rose Perry. Rick Perry, the former governor of. Texas, Republican governor, who was a. staunch anti-drug guy his whole life, and then he talked to all these veterans. that were using it to get off of. whatever opiates that they were on. Yeah. In secret, let me try it in. secret. I don't know if it was to let me. try it in secret cuz he was open about. talking to me about it. And and he did. it and he said it changed his life, too. And he says, "This is my life now. I'm. dedicated to trying to make this stuff. legal." So, it's kind of like Ozempic.

It makes you stop doing stuff. Well, Ozempic is weird because it does make. you stop doing addictive things, too. It. does. But it cuts down your sex drive, too. It cuts down love. Like you don't. get excited about stuff. Yeah, people. are saying it keeps you from being. passionate. >> Heavy. It cuts down love. It's just. weird when you see We were talking about. that lady. Some of these hot actresses. that are doing it and they don't need to. do it. Stop drinking. Be fat and horny. Be fat and horny. Yeah. That's a good radio team. Fat and horny. in the morning. It's also Girls don't.

realize like a little bit of fat on them. is hot. >> Yeah, little jiggle. When girls are like. 10 lb overweight, it's like when they. think they're overweight, Especially if they're confident with it. Gives them curves. Rachel Ray. When you When they lose all that weight. and get that Ozempic face, it's like, "What are you doing?". >> Pull up Olivia Wilde. You see her? She. looks like a reptile lady. We were just. talking about here. >> [laughter]. >> Pull up her and a lemur. It's dead in. the eyes. It's dead on. Who's Olivia. Wilde?

>> She's a really beautiful actress. Used. to be gorgeous. She used to be fat. No, she was never fat. She wasn't fat at. all, man. But she's been. >> Look how hot. Look how hot. >> Gorgeous. >> But now look at the most recent video of. her. Yeah, look at that. Oh, wow. Bring. tail lemur if you can find one. >> I know exactly what a lemur looks like, bro. It's a cute little little nugget. >> [snorts]. >> LOOK AT THAT. SAME EYES. >> [laughter]. >> SAME EYES. WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED to her? Did she just hit the wall? I don't know. There's no way she just hit the wall.

She's She's still fairly young. >> And she was really hot. She was on a. some 42. She's still hot. >> in 2007. She's older. She's 20 years. older than she was in House. >> Yeah, but dude, recently she looked. really hot. Also, she's gorgeous. Gorgeous. >> No, it's I don't think it's the wall, dude. >> Her real name is Cockburn. That's funny. >> Okay, but does anybody know if she's. taking that stuff? No, I don't think so. That's not even Ozempic. That's the. eyes. That's a different thing. Look at. the giant eyeballs. She might feel bad. doing this bit. Yeah, I don't want to.

disrespect the lady. What's not playing. Ozempic? He's still [ __ ] classical. >> it's a little bit of it is just like you. just women have this thing they think. they're supposed to be skinny. Yeah. >> Oh, 42. Well, they are. Yeah, but dude, 42. Look at Look at [ __ ] What's her. name? Jennifer Lopez. >> yeah. Those are outliers. I mean, that's a Puerto Rican. Yeah, look at LeBron, but everybody else it. goes out at 38. Hm. Could you hand me one of those brewskis? Absolutely, buddy. What are you looking. [laughter] for?

A bottle. Hey, bottle rocket. Is it sad. that so many of these women think that. they have to be waist up? Look at that. Look at that gorgeous. lady. I think it's just a bad picture, bad night, or. That's this January. I thought that was. a great picture. She's still beautiful. And she doesn't even look remotely. overweight. >> Dude, Seth Rogen looks like a troll next. to her. That's from 2 weeks ago. >> [snorts]. >> 2 weeks, wow. No, that's just a bad. picture. Yeah, it might have been just. bad video. Beautiful beautiful lady. Lady, I was wrong. You didn't hit the.

wall at all. You're still hot as [ __ ]. You know what I like is the big fat guys. that need the Ozempic. Need it. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. My friend, he's on. the fat pills. I saw him defeat it. Yeah, I know a guy. We know a guy. We. know a guy. I didn't want to say his. name. He plowed right through it. He. beat Ozempic. How did [laughter] he do. that? He keeps eating. He has habits. Dude, when we were doing the 999 He He. We were three hot dogs in. We had to eat. nine hot dogs, nine beers, and nine. innings. And by the way, pitch clock. So, it's way harder than when it was. invented. >> Although, we did get there early. We got. there O'Connor had seven hot dogs before.

the national anthem. O'Connor, unbelievable. [laughter]. O'Connor is like, "What's your. strategy?" He's like, "I'm going to just. chug these hot dogs. Chug hot dogs.". Passed out till the 6th. >> [laughter]. >> Woke up and saw him chugging. >> up in the night to be like, "Dude, you're too away. You got. He got it. He was like. >> [laughter]. >> I'm a champion. It's the bread. The salt. gets you. Yeah, it's disgusting. >> Yeah, but H Foley, three hot dogs in, you look over, he's eating a. cheesesteak. He's getting other grub. He's eating. other food. What are you doing? And he.

goes, "I don't know. I don't think I'll. win." Bro, I don't care how hungry. I am. How full I am. If you put a cheesesteak. in front of me, I'm eating that [ __ ]. >> It's like Boston. >> There's a new place in Austin, there's a. food truck that Tony turned me on to, that has cheesesteaks. They are [ __ ]. good. I just had one on Monday night. What is that place, Jamie? Do you know. the place? Do you know what it is, Jamie? >> say it. We'll never get in again. What's that? No, not at all. I'll ask. Tony. >> I think I saw it on on Seamless. I. almost got it. Is it on 6th Street? Cuz the food sucks.

over there. >> Food sucks on 6th. You got to go off. >> Yeah, it's a weird spot because it used. to be the dirty 6th. It was all just. like drunk people food. >> They didn't have to be good. >> It's getting worse, dude. But You got. Blackheart, that's it. But there's a. Fogo de Chão a block away. >> it might be R&B's. There's a Fogo de. Chão a block away from the club. >> Where? All right. It's It's down the. street. >> Yeah, it's R&B's. It's R&B's. It's on. like 2nd or 3rd. >> I've never seen a Fogo. Fogo? It's on Congress. So, it's two. blocks away. Yeah, but it's not dirty.

6th. It's way off. >> Right, right. But it But it's It's not. far. All right. All right. It's still. downtown. I get what you're saying. It's. still downtown. These are the guys. These are the guys. I'm going there. tonight. So, what is it? What's the name. of it? R&B's. R&B's. R&B's Steaks &. Fries. Bro, I'm telling you their. [ __ ] cheesesteaks are so legit. These. guys brought them to the the club and I. was like and Tony's like, "Dude, you got. to try this." I was like, "All right. I'm not I'm not really hungry, but let. me I took one bite and I scarfed it. I. scarfed it. Ooh, they got the [ __ ]. sauteed onions. Oh, it's so good, dude.

It's so good. These guys are so and. they're cool dudes. Very very very. legit. >> back up. I want to see his nickname. Boo. Boo. Boo. >> [laughter]. >> Black guys rule. Boo Radley. Man, it's almost time for Jeremiah Love. highlights. Easy. It's almost time, dude. It's. almost. >> Jeremiah Love? What? >> Who that is? What's that? Who that is? What are we talking about here? Is that. politics? No. No. That sounds like. football to me, man. Jeremiah Love.

sounds like a football player. Yeah, it. does. >> He certainly is. Yeah. If he was a. fighter, he'd probably quit in the third. round. I don't know if he got a guy with. that name. If he had autism. Or I think he does. He's got at least. OCD, but they they did a nice docu- like. a before the game they always like. college game they always runs like. a a heartwarming story, but he had like. autism as a kid and they were like we. don't know what to do. And then we got. him into football and he was just a. [ __ ] animal. Oh, [laughter] wow. That's the thing with autism. So fast.

>> Wow. Looking at his own sideline. Dude, autism is a superpower. >> Well, you just got to channel it. >> Yeah, you got to like tell me about it. You got to like this one. Norman, talk. Speak on it. Stay so. >> a piano or comedy. I can speak about. Neanderthal genes, you can speak about. autism. These guys are tackling wrong. Look at him go, dude. Wow. >> They're trying to catch a guy running. out of bounds. >> Wait till you see him jumping over. people. These guys are tackling wrong. Oh my god. He's like the correspondent. shooter. Hey Jamie, who is that guy that. they just signed from Africa? He's a. 21-year-old guy who's never played.

football before. Philly did. Yeah, he's with the Eagles. Football. >> [laughter]. >> Football does that where you're like as. long as you got as long as you got the. skills, we got you. Let's just keep this. rolling for a second. Look at that. moves. What a wiggle. >> Oh my goodness. All they got to do to. tackle him is look him directly in the. eyes. Why? Cuz autism kicks that [ __ ] Don't. you have it? Really? Is that real? You. look an autistic guy in the eyes and. he'll completely stop. He won't look at. you back, though. It's not going to work. if he doesn't hug you back. Do you hate hugs? >> [laughter]. >> He's dodging.

BRO, HE. >> [screaming]. >> GET HIM. GET HIM. GET HIM. TAKE HIM DOWN. OH, NO. RIGHT IN THE LIPS. HE GOT TONGUE IN. THERE FOR THE LISTENERS. >> [laughter]. >> HE SHOULD SUE JOE. His whole body was vibrating when I was. hugging him. >> [laughter]. >> That's hot though. How sick is Joe Rogan? Touching. I love a great athlete. Show Show Joe. him jumping over some people. Hey, what. are you boys doing next weekend? Well, I.

think I got a gig. What do you got. next week? It's a roast. I got to go. next Saturday. Next Saturday? Oh, yeah. A Netflix fest. In Boston. What are you doing? UFC. UFC in New. Jersey. Sean Strickland and Khamzat. Chimaev. Bro, they they're not even going to have. a face-off. They're worried about. putting them close to each other cuz. Sean has talked so much [ __ ] He's a. wild dude. He's a wild dude. And that. [ __ ] talking that he does, it's. emotional warfare. Cuz like you'll think.

about the [ __ ] he calls him a goat. [ __ ] Wow. He he he won't stop talking. [ __ ] He has no filter. Sean Strickland. said that he can't defend that. He said. if those three goat. if he comes up to me with three of his. Chechen goat [ __ ] friends. He says. Sean was like I'll shoot them. I'll pull. out my gun. I'll shoot all three of. them. He's going like this. Boom, boom, boom. He's. >> Jesus. >> talking so much [ __ ] But that it's. emotional warfare. It's like what Conor. used to do. What Conor did with Jose.

Aldo, he had him so [ __ ] up before. that fight. He was just like so cuz Aldo. was a legend. Nobody talked [ __ ] about. him. Everybody was terrified of him. And. Conor was just constantly talking [ __ ]. about him. Stole his belt at a press. conference and like was holding. [laughter] it up. And by the time the. fight happened, Aldo was just so worked. up. And Conor was just like super. relaxed and smiling. That's how Roberto. Duran beat uh Robinson. Cuz he called. his wife a [ __ ] butt. >> Who's Robinson? Sugar Ray Robinson. No.

No, Leonard. >> Leonard, sorry. Wrong Sugar. >> you? Sugar Ray Leonard. He talked Sugar. Ray into fighting his kind of fight. >> Yeah. Do you think Do you think Do you. think Strickland can do that? No. Strickland is a He's good, but he's No. No. No. No. Strickland is one of the best fighters. on planet Earth. Make no mistake about. So is Hamzat. But Strickland is also a. legitimate world champion. He's a guy. who's accustomed to five rounders. He's. got phenomenal cardio. He's one of the. hardest guys to hit in the sport. >> can he Can he.

>> 100% he has a. underrated grappling. That's not like. Listen to me as an expert, he's. allegedly. He's one of the best takedown. He's got some of the best takedown. defense in the game. Underrated. grappling. Strickland has a legit. chance. Can I Can I just say this as. someone who's heard you talk about. this the kind of stuff for many, many. years, you give it up more for the person you. think is not going to win. Oh. You Cuz you didn't say [ __ ] about Hamzat. in this. You just said Strickland has a. chance.

>> you a lot about Hamzat. It's obvious. It's So you go, but don't count out the. underdog. No, I'll say that eventually. if you give me a chance, you [ __ ]. blabber mouth. >> You stop talking. >> [laughter]. >> You stopped. You already made your. point. No, Hamzat 100% can win. He Look, he. dominated Dricus Du Plessis like he. didn't even belong in there with him. Exactly. >> was the world champion. And Dricus had. beaten Sean Sean Strickland. But the. last time he beat Strickland in the. second fight, Strickland They made him. fight. He had a shoulder injury. Like. Strickland's a wild boy, and he crashed.

his dirt bike and [ __ ] his shoulder. up. Cool. Cool. They Oh, he's an Strickland's an animal. And they allowed him I mean, they forced. him I should say to fight. Plus 340, damn. I Listen, man. I'm telling you he. can win. Not only did he beat Adesanya, but the guy does not get tired. Strickland has some of the best [ __ ]. cardio in the sport. He's one of the. hardest guys to hit. He's very clever. with his boxing. He's got one of the. best jabs in the sport. Strickland can. win this fight. All right. It's not.

saying he's going to win. Khamzat is the. best grappler at 185, period. If he gets. him on the ground, it'll be over. >> strike, too. It's not just a grappler. He's an animal. >> Well, I mean, that's what I mean with. the [ __ ] talk. He's I maybe he's trying. to talk him into standing. Right. Or. talk him into a war, or talk him into. hitting the gas full clip trying to take. Aljamain Sterling Aljamain Sterling did. a video about this. And Aljamain said, "Here's the thing. If Khamzat tries to. just run him over, tries to just take. him down, run him over, submit him, and.

can't do it, then that's a problem. Cuz. then he gases himself out in the first. round. This is a five-round fight. Strickland is notoriously durable, notoriously in incredible shape. And. he's calm. He knows how to fight in. wars. Like, he's he's like accustomed to. that. You know, he had a very abusive. childhood. He doesn't like bullies. Like, Strickland's is a tough nut, dude. Oh, yeah. In my mind, this is like I. would give Khamzat a maybe a. >> me up. Yeah. Dude, this is a great.

fight, dude. >> Have you heard his trans rant? This is. one Oh, Strickland is the best at [ __ ] just. talking wild [ __ ] at press conferences. >> Yeah. Yeah. He's a wild fellow. He was. on the podcast, too. He's fun, man. He's. fun. Yeah. He gets so angry and worked. up about [ __ ] but he's [ __ ] fun, man. >> fun? Like, now back fun whites. Fun whites are coming back. >> Oh, he's one of the funniest whites. ever. I I blame Chet Hanks. He brought. it He broke it open. Chet Hanks. Yeah, white boy summer. He got a new accent. the whites. Yeah, he's got a new accent?

He broke the hymen. What's his new one? I don't know. He dropped his old one. He. was like, "I'm done with that fakeness. I got a new fakeness.". >> Can you imagine if it was Tom Hanks as. your dad? That's wild. You got to live. in that shadow. Colin and Chet, they. couldn't be more opposite. Who's Colin? Colin's his other son. You see he's in a. ton of movies. Well, he's more straight-laced. Uh with Shia LaBeouf, he's getting. drunk, going to jail, coming back out. Is Shia LaBeouf that famous? He's in a ton of movies. God, he looks.

just like Tom. That's crazy. He could be. Forrest Gump 2. >> Good actor. He looks more Forrest Gumpy. than Forrest Gump. He looks more. Philadelphia. >> What is this? What do you. Chet is singing? >> Oh, he's singing now. He's doing country. music. Oh boy. Oh god, he can't stop. >> a rapper. I was, but country's big now. He's just swinging at every [ __ ]. pitch. >> He goes wherever it's popular. [snorts]. Renaissance man. He doesn't suck. That guy sucks. He's. kind of jacked. Why does he suck? What? He's great. Ari Kujool, imagine what it's like. having Tom Hanks as a dad and trying to.

find your own identity. I'm sure it's. tough if your father was a molester, but. doesn't matter. EXCUSE MOLESTATION. >> [screaming]. >> COME ON, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT [ __ ]. Jamo's getting the time stamp. >> [laughter]. >> Talking about Woody here. Jamo just goes. He was He [laughter] was good He was. good in Atlanta, and that's about it. >> Atlanta? Atlanta. Philadelphia? He did. an episode of Atlanta. He was good. Oh. Oh, which which one? Oh, Chet. Chet.

Chet rules. He was also great in Curb. Yes. >> Played the soldier. That's right. Didn't. see that one. You want to talk great. athletes, what about the. amputee cornhole guy? What? >> What? Where'd that come from? You. haven't seen this guy? What kind of a [ __ ] transition was. that? We're talking about athletes. That guy. got in trouble for shooting someone. He's got no arms, no legs. WITH HIS LEGS, HE SHOT A GUY. DID HE. really shoot somebody? With a nub. Wait, 100% he shot him? Pull it up. What's.

cornhole? I thought he was playing. cornhole. >> he have to do is he have to attach like. a stick to the nub so he could pull the. trigger? >> He's got. >> tiny thumb uh right on the stump and he. could trigger. >> pulled the trigger and killed the guy. Wow. Yeah. >> Why did he kill the guy? I think he. [ __ ] his stump. I don't know what. happened. >> Actually, [laughter] I remember reading. the story. >> son of a [ __ ]. >> driving the car, too. There was three. other GUYS IN THE CAR and he's the one. driving it. >> What an alpha. >> So the stump drove the car? >> Yeah. Wow. >> This guy's a badass. >> Was this down a straight road? >> he was a professional cornhole player? >> number one cornhole. >> No, man.

>> Was he the bag? Here's a video of him. shooting [laughter] the gun. There's a. video of him CLIMBING A LADDER. CLIMBING A LADDER? >> YEAH, I'LL SHOW you that after this, but. you know. >> passed around in prison like a cornhole. bag. Wanted in suspicion of shooting and. killing a pastor in his car during an. argument. Look at this badass. >> Oh, he can shoot guns. And he can shoot. well. >> You got to hand it to him. Well, >> Okay. >> [snorts]. >> maybe if you. >> You got a leg to stand on there, monkey. Less [laughter] limbs. >> Yeah, less limbs. Less movement. >> Less limbs. It's not this end. It's just. this. All right, it's more stable. I. went out on a limb. Oh, you son of a [ __ ] There's his.

cornhole strategy. >> unbelievable. He's really good. >> Look at this. He's just sinking them. THAT'S CRAZY. BAGS. AND NOW HE'S IN JAIL. Poor guy. He could. have been a a hero of our generation. >> Um so did he kill the guy for a reason? Was there a uh. >> Lost his limbs, bacterial infection at. 10 years old, demonstrating shooting. So. what is the story? There was an argument. >> Accused of shooting a guy during a. driving argument. >> Wow. He wanted the two guys in the car. to help him get rid of the body. They.

refused and then he. dropped them out [laughter] of the car, went and dropped the body somewhere. Someone found the body and then they. came after him. >> That'd be tough to dig a hole. Bro, the. way Ari I don't think he died. I don't. think he died. >> astonishing. Ari leaves like a ghost in the night. >> old. They got to piss every 10 minutes. >> I'm older than him. Well, he drinks. prune juice. >> [laughter]. >> Goes right through you. So uh. so it was an argument? He just shot the. guy? You would you think it would take. so long for him to pull out the gun. You.

would just smack it out of his stump. >> You'd think. I but I think when when. that guy comes up to you, you're like, "What are you going to do?" You're not. scared. So the guy's got all the time in. the world. I'd be so scared. He's. holding that guy. He's climbing a. hunting blind with a rifle on his back. >> Look at this psycho. Oh, wow. God, he's like a slug. >> capable. Wow. Told you him. Told you him. and Earl. Told you him and Earl. [laughter] What a pull. Oh. Wow. I mean, you got to hand it to. the guy for just being independent. Yeah. I mean, we would be mean to him. I. want to make sure he's a murderer before. I make fun of him for being a uh Maybe. the guy in the backseat was a real He's.

definitely a murderer. He's in jail. He's in jail right now? You better. believe it. Huh. Found her nearby yard. That's who. you want as your bunkmate. He's not. raping you. >> Pronounced dead at the scene. He was. tracked to Virginia hospital and. arrested, set to be ex- He was in a. hospital. Why was he in a hospital? >> Maryland? Well. Did they get in a fight? >> Yeah, witnesses said they got in So. rarely in the news. So the guy punched. him and he had to go to the hospital? So. he was he was tracked to a hospital. So. the guy who he shot was the guy punching. him?

Sounds about right. I don't know. If. you're punching a guy with no arms and. no. he's got to do something to fight back. >> Right. Shoot you. But that's what's weird. It's. like. It says the He looks so happy. But it. said if it says he went to a hospital, like why did he have to go to a. hospital? >> [laughter]. >> Mad rifle. Mad rifle. That's what they. say. Riding high in April. >> Yeah, it says officer tracked him to the. hospital. That's all it says. That's. right. >> why was he in the hospital? So did they. get in a fistfight and he pulled the gun. on the guy who was beating his ass? Let's take him to the hospital.

They probably fine. They were like, "Holy [ __ ] Take him to the yard." But. it's a weird situation. >> he was at a hospital, like why was he at. a hospital? Yeah. We don't know the whole story. >> I don't know. Anyway, he can This is the part I read. He plays a mean cornhole. They asked him. to pull the car out of the. body or to pull the body out of the car. They said no. They got out of the car. instead and he drove off with the body. still in the car. Oh, boy. How's he. going got him out of the car? He's got. no arms. Damn, you know Bieber in the. middle? It's Bieber. Oh, I thought it. was the same crime. I was like, wait.

Celebrity. What did Bieber get arrested. for? >> By the way, go back up. Look how dashing. Bieber is in his mugshot. Did Bieber get. arrested for looking cute? >> Perfectly straight teeth. Who knows? Lohan's not bad, either. Lohan's not bad there. Lohan rules, dude. Lohan's hot again. I co-starred in. a movie with She's back. Oh, good. Lohan. is. >> in a movie with Lohan? Yeah, worst movie. of all time. What was that? Inappropriate comedy. It starred. directed by the ShamWow guy. Lohan was in You're in that? Lohan, we. had an Academy Award winner, ADRIEN. BRODY. WHAT?

ADRIEN BRODY WAS IN THE PIANIST. Who's. the chick who got drunk driving, who was. in the Avatar? Boom, that one at the. end, Rodriguez. What? Oh, I didn't know. she got a DUI. Rob Schneider's in that? Oh, but everybody. Who's the middle lady. with the. >> Is that really the worst movie ever? It's on It was on Rotten Tomatoes as the. worst movie of all time. And for a. while, it had zero. How did Adrien Brody get roped into. that? What happened to him? Did he get. roped into that? He was on a downturn of. his career. He came back. He was on a.

downswing. You know what's crazy about. Brody? He's banging Harvey's wife. >> Wait, am I in there? Oh, you know who. else is in there? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Uh, uh. Theo Von. Oh, all right. Wow. >> Ari Shaffir. There we go. Ari Amazing. Racist. With some writing by. >> Dante. Uh, Christina Pazsitzky did some. writing on this. >> Okay. How about that? >> Dante is the racist assistant. That's. what. >> Rob Schneider is JD. That's what I was. offering black people a free trip back. to Africa. >> [laughter]. >> You really did it, man. You really went.

for it back then. So, when you got the. script, did you realize it was going to. be that bad? >> There was no script. Vince came to me. and was like, "Hey, those Amazing. Racists you did, can we make more of. those?" And I'm like, "I don't know. them.". Then he goes, "Can we make new ones?". And I was like, "Yeah, if you want to.". Hey, it earned 172K. >> [laughter]. >> For a location It's $125. It's over. budget. FOR ALL THE EXPENSES for all these like. pictures of one person in the theater? I. like how it says inappropriate, but for. some reason app p was I was about apps.

Dude, it was all about apps. There's a. whole backstory line. None of it made. any sense. >> Like dating apps? Yeah, like But wait, wait, when was this? Oh, okay. >> good question. >> 2013. I remember I saw it in theaters by. myself. It was about getting a match. It was a. big deal. >> [laughter]. >> Dude, this movie was so fun. I've never. heard of this in my life. We went to the. border and I was doing a set up scene. and some people were [ __ ] running and. crossing. But it's so crazy like Adrien Brody is a. [ __ ] legit actor. >> He was he was down and then back up.

They gave him money to do. Why did he go down? Do a movie with you? Did Well, he was in a separate scene. He. was in Flirty Harry. Flirty Harry. >> Flirty Harry. Flirty Harry. So, but why. did What the [ __ ] is going on? Oh, guys. He went to jail, too. Oh my god. Like Ari. >> [laughter]. >> Wow, young Theo. >> Bro, we should have a screening of this. on the next protect our parks. I would. love to see this. >> Let's let's watch it and talk. Bro, this.

looks so bad. This is horrible. It's so bad. >> Who's the girl? The girl with the the. brunette right there. >> Rodriguez. Oh, the girl from Aliens? Isn't she in Aliens, too? No, I don't know. Maybe. Probably. See. if she's in Aliens. She's Vin Diesel's. lady. That's crazy they got her in this? Yeah, kids in cages are arrested. How does this ShamWow guy talk everybody. into this? Money, bro. GS gave me advice. He was. like, "Hey, they want me to do this. thing." He was, "Ari, every once in a. while some people in Holly.

>> [laughter]. >> Oh, there he is. Shame you can't laugh at this. Young. Ari. Shame you sit this one out. We'll take. it from here. I will say [laughter]. So, like you guys were making dog [ __ ]. like this. Yeah. And then when I was. like cuz I wasn't really around for. that. Yeah. And then it's like, man, I. can't believe cancel culture exists. It's like, oh, now I get it. Yeah. Cuz. you guys put an end to this horse [ __ ]. >> [laughter]. >> So bad. 2013 I'm with the libs now, dude. That [ __ ] stinks. Fire everybody.

>> [laughter]. >> 2013. Yeah. Wow. >> Those Amazing Racists videos were. probably like 2005, 6, 7. >> Yeah, five, I think. Cuz it was before I. think those videos were before the whole. Mencia thing at the store. That's right, because he was like, why. do you who are you to say anything about. racial jokes? Somebody was like, Amazing. Racist? Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> It was before that, yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's crazy they got Adrien Brody. because. he's probably paid money to try to get.

that released, like deleted. >> I've never heard of it. No one even. knows about it. >> They do now. >> They do now. That's right. You have a. million. people are currently listening. Yeah, you guys are [laughter] actually going. to make a [ __ ] ton of money on that. movie. I love you guys. Oh, yeah. He did kill Tony. Yeah. And then he got caught biting that hook. No, the hooker was biting his tongue and. he had to like, get off my [ __ ]. tongue. And he was like, like I he did something. He was like, stop biting my tongue. That's not so. bad. What was he doing with his tongue. she bit it? He was french french kissing.

her. >> in a hooker at all? French kissing. >> What's happening? Yeah, you don't kiss a. hooker. Well, you do if you're drunk. Passionately. Yeah. Sometimes you pay. for just kisses. Let's go. I wish you were my girl. >> We knew a guy We knew a guy at the. Comedy Store who would pay extra I'm not. going to say who, but but uh who would. pay extra to [ __ ] uh to go down on. hookers. Um. without uh without. >> Really? Yes, to go down. You don't know him. Wow. He would pay. extra for that? He paid extra.

[ __ ] wild guy. He's the man. >> He's the funniest. He would be open. about it. Talk about it. He was like, nah, they won't let you go down on them. The Sham is running for Congress? I'll. vote for him. Make America grow some. balls again. Like here, it's like Cedar. Park. What? Yeah. What? >> his first nine bills in Congress? This. really says a lot. >> headset? No tax on social security. That's reasonable. Great. Parental class. view. Don't know what that is. >> What does that mean? Many times ring. cameras. >> protect our homes. We do not Oh, in. classes. A woke buster. >> cameras in classes. That's not a bad.

idea. And XXX on X. Pornography on Oh, boo. Sounds like this guy wants to jerk off. to kids. >> [laughter]. >> And he's pretending to be a congressman. to go, "We should set up cameras in. schools.". >> Healthy screen acts. >> number five. Cowboy codes Has to be a. human at customer service. I like. [laughter] that. >> bad. That's somebody who's annoyed. LIKE, "THE AGENT! AGENT!" YEAH. THAT'LL. ruin India. Oh, interesting. Children. need to pray. Oh, come on. >> of kids stuff coming out of this guy. Yeah.

Does he have children? >> Cowboy codes for kids. >> out if he actually has children. >> Doubt it. Doubt it. >> ShamWow guy is a Jew here. Shlomi. Oh, yeah. He told me. >> He sent me a ShamWow jacket. Ooh. >> Does he wear it everywhere? Highly out. of ShamWows. Does he wear it. [clears throat] everywhere? He He is a. charming fellow, you know. >> be great when it rains out and that. thing weighs 80 lb. >> [laughter]. >> Wear that for the roast. I go, "Great. Now I weigh 375 lb.". >> [laughter]. >> Find out if that guy has a family. >> His doors have a family. It's kind of.

odd that he's concentrating so much. >> sell [ __ ] in Atlantic City like on the. streets on the boardwalk and he was just. great at it and he goes, "I'll take out. like Byron Allen like late night spots. and just sell to more people." He must. make so much money. >> a ton of money. ShamWow's nice. I'll. tell you, I got a good ShamWow story. One time I was staying at my buddy's. house and uh I stood up in the middle of. the night. I was He gave me his bed, so. I was in that, but his roommate was in. the other bed. It was in college. And I. just stood up and pissed on the other. guy's bed while he was in it. Oh, damn.

>> And then in the morning, I got a. ShamWow. >> [laughter]. >> He soaked it all up. >> pressed it against this guy. Is that. what it does? It's soaks? Yeah. It soaks. really well. What's a chamois cloth? A. chamois cloth is a thing they used to. wash cars with forever. He said he said. he went to seven companies in Korea and. he goes, "Send me each one." And he. goes, "This one's the best one. All. right, put my name on that." And run. them out. So is it like a synthetic. version of a chamois cloth? Cuz a. chamois cloth is like an animal skin. cloth that you use to clean cars with. No idea. Yeah, a chamois cloth is like. you wash the car and then the car has.

all this water on it. You use the. chamois cloth first and then you polish. it with like microfiber cloth. >> it's what it is. Uh actually. yeah, it's very absorbent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to I like the chamois. thing. Yeah. You bring them up reminds me of yeah. Yeah, chamois cloth. Yeah, I used to do. that. I used to work at a car wash. I. used to work at an auto auction. And a. dealership and a garage. Oh, there you. go. I used to do it all the time. Which. is why tires is a good show. >> [laughter]. >> It's all the knowledge. Yeah, you're. you're right. Write what you know. Bro, you need a muscle car. You need a muscle car, Shane. I.

Hey Shane, you know this master purchase. he made? Hey. Doing it wrong. No, I like. that. No, no, no, no. He's not doing it. right. I'm happy with that one. That. one's great. But how about also how. about also you get like a modern muscle. car that works really well? Like a. Charger. Do you know Do you know about. Revology Mustangs? Pull it up. Have you. ever seen my '68 Mustang? Yes. >> My Bullet Mustang? Yeah, that [ __ ]. rocks. Rocks, right? There's a company. this company Revology. They're the [ __ ]. They make a brand new 1969 Mustang. >> What? Yeah, I wanted I wanted an old Do. you know what I wanted?

>> that. This is Revology. What do you mean. brand new? They just re-crated it? So. this is No, it's a the guy Tom. Scarpello, he worked at Ford. He made. the Ford GT. >> me getting out of that in [ __ ] gym. shorts? Me? I do it all the time. Yeah, but you look cool. I I would look like A. [ __ ] IDIOT. >> [ __ ] AMERICAN. YOU DO LOOK AMERICAN. YOU LOOK AMERICAN. So that's what I have. I have that car I. have that car. on the left. >> [laughter]. >> I have that car on the left. I have um What? You have that one on the. the blue? uh the Well, mine is actually.

green like Steve McQueen's. I have a. green one, a '68. But but but point is. he makes the new one, which is even. cooler looking, the '69. The '6- Go to. models, Jamie, please. >> is the one. Go to models. And Or '66 and. a half. >> No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The new '69. is the [ __ ] That one, the Boss, the. Boss 429. Click on that. So, it's just. the old body with a new car. >> It's but it's not an old body. It's a. brand new. >> the metal. He's He's This is genius.

>> three. It's a full factory, but it's. completely reliable. I can't drive that. Oh, there's like making Jordan ones. I. will force you at gunpoint to drive. that. You need one of those. You need a. black one. >> No, I need a '97 Land Cruiser. Ooh, that's a cool car. >> Oh, you do? Yeah. That's what That's. what I was like. >> a '95 with a supercharged Corvette. engine in it. >> need a new car. And I couldn't wait long. enough to get one. I need. What you got is perfect. It's a nice. Buick Regal. You didn't tell me what you. got. >> You need a LeBaron. No, don't tell me. what you got. But what you got So,

that's a That's a cool car. Yeah, that's a real car. I love those. Jamie, pull up mine. I have a 1995. that TLC made me, and I had to put a. supercharged Corvette engine in it. And. then I had Calvin Automotive change the. supercharger, jack it up to 800. horsepower. It's got dual exhaust now. Oh, it's a. total apocalypse car. It's got a gun. safe in it. It's got everything. >> Who's the nerd? That's my friend. Jonathan Ward who [ __ ] built the car. for me. Oh, he's the nerd. No, Jamie, call the 3000. >> [laughter]. >> Call the 2017. It's a Corolla. That guy.

needs a wedgie. No, but you need You. need a '69 Boss. That's what you need. I. don't have a '69 Boss. >> got the winch. Yeah, oh, it's got. everything. You're amazing. >> this when I was worried that Well, I had. a family and I was worried that at one. point in time LA was going to experience. an apocalypse and I had to be able to. drive somewhere where there's no roads. Oh. >> Nice. I have steel bumpers all around, rock sliders on the side. I wanted I. want it so I could just go. I can't wait to get away. I can't wait. to die at the gates in front of your.

house when the apocalypse happens. I can't wait for. SOMEONE WITH A. I'M GOING TO let you in. Come on, dog. Please, please, Joe. Come on. How dare. you? Save [laughter] me. And you're. like, you're parked out like, "Do not. get out of your car." By then we'll be. at the ranch. We'll have the ranch here. We'll have the ranch fully operational. by then. But between then now and then, you need a [ __ ] Mustang. Need a Boss. Brother. Is the Mustang the only one. they make? Can we get like an old. Porsche? Can I get an old I'm too big. for an old Porsche. >> You're too big for a Porsche. A Land.

Cruiser A Land Cruiser would be sick. There's another company called RSR. Recreations. They make a 911. It it You. can get it with no [ __ ] AC, no. nothing. It only weighs 2,000 lbs. >> [laughter]. >> Dancing Jews. Nice I knew about it on. Nightline. Dancing Israelis. There are none in the building. Don't. Google dancing Israelis, whatever you. do. Don't read into that story. You'll. go like, "Hey, what?".

Okay, back All right, there's there's my. [ __ ] platform. Okay, what about Let's. get rid of AIPAC. Let's get rid of all. those [ __ ] Yeah, let's get rid of. AIPAC. Well, money and power, obviously. Yeah, all lobbies. Not just the AIPAC. ones that are convenient now. >> You need a muscle car. Oh. If you don't want to get that, how. about a new muscle car? How about a. Shelby. a Shelby Super Snake R. Brother, I'm. never driving that, bro. Oh, you got to. you should. You need one car. You need. No, no, what? You need one car to drive. I need one car. I need one car. I have a. pretty small house and a tiny garage.

What are you, a communist? >> [laughter]. >> You need to get a new house. First of. all, you need to do your [ __ ]. power now. So, you need a new Look at. that. That's a Shelby Super Snake R. Do you know what that would look like, me getting out or bringing girls there. and going, "I I. Look, I'm not going to get hurt." 850. [ __ ] horsepower. >> That's It's be great to pull into a. parking lot. Shut up, Ari. Get on the highway and. drive on the open road. Shut up, Ari. I. was telling Ari back when Ari first. started making money, I go, "Ari, please. [laughter] get a nice car. Please just.

get a nice car." How about a Cadillac. Blackwing? 2022 Toyota Corolla. >> How about a CT CT5V Blackwing? How about. that? Can have a Caddy? Come on. I. agree. If I saw someone driving that. thing. >> are [ __ ] rolling. No. Just get a sensible car. No, no, that is not. your dad's car. That thing has almost 400 Honda Accords. are reliable. They're reliable. Very. reliable. You can solder the [ __ ]. hood shut for 5 years. Why would you do. that, Ari? You have You have money, too, Ari. You drive me crazy. I don't know. I.

was trying to get him to buy a BMW M3 in. like 2008. >> Ooh, that'd be nice. I love a BMW. >> Why didn't you do it? Because I had to. put all my money into this god damn. storytelling show. >> But you're going to make it back. I put. my money into that. Yeah, but you made. it back already. You told me you made it. back. You spent more money. Yeah, I did. make the budget back. The end is. available right now at Ari's Take 5. >> I've tried for years, maybe decades, to. try to talk you into buying a nice car. Yeah. He can't. Look at that hat. It's. New York. You can't have a nice car in. New Yeah, you can have a nice car. I got. an old Beamer. You got enough money to. have a house other places. You could have a house out here.

Get a house out here with a garage and. keep some nice cars in it so you could. [ __ ] roll. >> enough money for that? Oh, my god. You. spent all your money in Mazatlán. I'll. give you the [ __ ] money. Tell me what. car you want to buy. >> on a second. He's buying houses? >> Ooh, Lamborghini. I'm buying him a hot. [laughter] car, not a house. I'm still. waiting to get a watch. I held out. He. said, "Watch." I'm like, "I'll hold out. for car." He gave you a watch. You. didn't wear it. >> That's true. I didn't know It was a. Casio. It's a Rolex. I can't do it. I. would buy you a watch if you'd wear it. If I buy you a watch, will you wear it? Sure. How many times? Every day. I'm. thinking of saving I shower with this. Right, but if I bought you a real watch,

would you wear it every day? One of. those astronaut [ __ ] that wear. Okay, you wore a watch. Yeah, but I. don't want to I don't want to Next, protect our parks. I'm going to get you. a Speedmaster. >> Plus, hold on. Omega Speedmaster. >> ShamWow was a Speedmaster. >> that size watch, not a bulky one. He. wants a thinner watch. All right, listen. I like a small watch. >> is. >> not too big. This is a Rolex. That's. crazy. But it's on a a rubber strap. It's a little understated. G-Shock is a. great. Would you wear that? Indiglo? Would you.

wear that? I like a a metal band, but I. like yeah, it's a good looking watch. What did What did Louie get you? He got. me the. oyster face or what do you call it? It's really nice and it's inscribed in. the back. Thanks for working with me, LCK. But you don't even wear it. I got. it's on my shelf. It's propped up. Okay. So if I buy you an Omega, you're going. to wear it? Hell yeah. Okay. All right. No, you don't have to buy me an Omega. Norman, Norman, you're going to love. this. Eget gave me the coolest thing that I. have, which was Norm Macdonald's.

cup on the Late NIGHT WITH LETTERMAN. THE MUG. THE ACTUAL MUG FROM. EGET GAVE ME THIS. THE COOLEST MUG. PULL. THAT UP. From uh Norm doing. The talk show? Oh, Letterman. That's it. That's cool. That's a great. one. That's pretty dope. Best gift I. got. That's a That's great. I would. protect that. That beats the gorgeous. Hitler cup. Imagine if a chick comes. over your house and drops that. >> Have a cup of tea. Whoopsies. Oh, I. protect it. It's on my mantle. It's in. the middle of It's above my fireplace.

Wow, that's great. I put like ring ropes. around it to cushion it. >> Yeah, I probably should. >> Make it metal. Yeah. >> [laughter]. >> That's a That's a good one. That was the. best one. Those Rodney notes are great. >> Oh my god, aren't they amazing in the. green room? The handwritten Rodney notes. from his Tonight Show specials. Whitney. got us those. Rodney's wife donated She. found out about the club. She knew we. were doing it and she donated it to us. Wow, very cool. So we had them all. framed. It's really cool in there. It's. amazing. And you get to read them and. you see how he like would like make the.

punchlines bold and all the notes then. bold punchline. Oh, yeah. It's cool. Just It's like the feeling the spirit of. like joke writing is in that room. He. was a He was a drug addict. Allegedly. No, I would agree with you. The cool. >> about Rodney was that when weed was. illegal He enjoyed drugs. I don't know. if he was a drug addict. When weed was. illegal and cops would come into a club. he was in, he was just smoking weed, he. would just go up to them and be like, "Hello, officer. How you doing?" Just. holding He knew he was immune. No one's. going to touch him. I told you guys when. I worked as a security guard, when I got. to see Rodney perform when I worked as a.

security guard? Woah. >> you that? I didn't beat up a guy with a. walkie-talkie. Uh no, I didn't beat him. up. No, that was Alley Cat. That was my. boss. He beat up a. >> [laughter]. >> First day Pat. Wow. No, it's the first. thing I've heard you say that was I was. like, "Damn, Joe's old.". >> [laughter]. >> I didn't beat up a boy who's like, "No, that was my boy, Alley Cat." That was. the boss. Alley Cat was the boss. So, what happened was one of the guys. from my Taekwondo gym got hired to to be. security. And they were like, "Bro, it's. like 50 bucks an hour. It's really cool.

You get to see concerts." So, we all. went and I got to see Rodney there. Rodney was backstage with nothing on but. a bathrobe. Open? >> completely naked. Oh. No, I didn't see. that. I saw him walking around with. slippers and a bathrobe. And then he. went on stage with nothing but a. bathrobe. Damn. >> Bathrobe, naked underneath it. >> What? Went on stage that way? >> That's amazing. 1986. Okay. And [ __ ] destroyed. I was 19. I. was Wow. >> mesmerized. And back then, I wasn't even. thinking about doing comedy. I was just.

fighting and I was enjoying it and I was. like, "This is This guy's so free." I. remember thinking that. >> Yes. Like, this guy's on stage with a I. mean, destroyed. I get no respect, no respect at all. And. the [ __ ] place is going nuts. He was. killing. Punchline after punchline after. punchline. I was 19. I mean, I was blown. away. Wow. And you were working. I was. working. Yeah, I was a security guard. Wow. That's a good gig. Got to see the. shows. >> Yeah. Well, that was also the job that I. quit when you know, when the whole thing. would happen with COVID where Neil Young. pulled his music off Spotify cuz I was.

giving out vaccine misinformation. >> Wait, is that until he couldn't get it. played elsewhere? Yeah. And then he came. back. >> really real. didn't even own his music. It's all [ __ ] But anyway, I I. didn't [ __ ] on him at the time even. though he's trying to ruin my life. because I was a Neil Young fan and I. told the story about how when I was a. security guard, the last day on the job. was a Neil Young concert cuz a riot. broke out. And a riot broke out and I. was like, "I'm not fighting for 50 bucks. an hour." I [ __ ]. zipped up my hoodie and I just walked. out and I never even got my last check. Damn. It was cold out and Great Woods in.

Mansfield has a whole lawn, it's an. amphitheater. So, the the the front part. that's all seated has a cover over it. and then the back part's a lawn. And it. was a little cold out, so these [ __ ]. animals at the Neil Young concert. started lighting bonfires. And so, the. security guys had to come over and tell. them, "Hey, put out the fires." And. drunk guys were like, "Fuck you." And my. friend Larry punched some guy and Larry. was like the nicest guy in the world. I'm like, "Oh my god, we're having a. war." And so, the fight started breaking. up and as soon as like my friends were. safe and we were I'm like, "Let's get.

the [ __ ] out of here.". I put [laughter] on my hoodie and I just. quit. I just I'm like, "I'm not fighting. these [ __ ] people." And that was my. last day on the job as a security guard. >> and fist fighting at a [ __ ] Neil. Young concert? It's so crazy. It was. >> [laughter]. >> 10 taekwondo black belts, including like. national level competitors that were all. security guards. They were just waiting. to kick somebody into a coma. >> Neil Young fans. We never I mean, I know.

Finally. Okay, let's hear this. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. >> [laughter]. >> All right, go. Uh hold on. Where's the volume? I don't. know. There's no sound on the forest. I. remember that was his COVID time, huh? Yep. I remember you'd wear that. Oh my. god, Shane. Is this our Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was like. all the I was like, "I'll add the song.". What's the with the glasses? I don't. know. I was doing something. It just. goes. [clears throat]. Oh my god. >> brutal. I forgot that was my best part. is I said, "I'll add the music.". >> [laughter].

>> Broken Uh. this is like a hostage video. Please turn this off. THIS IS HORRIFIC. >> [screaming]. >> I LOVE THE DAROSA SO MUCH. OH, MAN, HE TOOK IT SO SERIOUS. I mean that's not as fun as Roddy naked. in the bathroom. >> [laughter]. >> God damn shame. You killed me. >> I did not enjoy that at all. That was. bad. I'll I'll turn it Did you see the. Scientology speed runs that were going.

around for a week or two? Kids are. breaking into Scientology places all. over the country. They're breaking into them? Why? They're. doing speed runs. Speed runs? No, let me. see this. >> They're trying to get as deep as they. can possibly get. >> Into a Scientology building? >> removed all the doors. The Scientology A. secret Speed runs. Wow. >> That guy at the White House. correspondence. Yeah. So cold. Oh, you want to play games? No, I don't. >> [laughter].

>> Damn. Speed runs is such a great way to. go through something. Just run as fast. as you can. It's just a free for all. >> They'll kill you, those guys. They don't. play around. So it's a trend they've. like they've taken the the handles off. the doors on the outside. >> I went last. >> [laughter]. >> I went Me and Natasha went to a to a. Scientology once. They had a fine. Yeah, and and I was they kind of got me a. little. They were like, "Can we get some. information from you?" I'm like, "I'll. give you my home address if you want.". And she was like, "What the [ __ ] are you. doing?" I'm like, "I don't know. They're. getting me.". The book they saw was it's good for ages.

8 to 8. Wow. >> So this kid just ran through? Wow. Making noise. Maybe whites are coming. back. Whites are coming back. They can. like 10 seconds. They're not really. doing anything other than just. >> And all these other people behind them, are they Scientologists or these just. all kids? >> These would all be the kids running up. the stairs. >> there's more than one kid. There's. multiple kids. 30 of them. Good for. them. Some will get through. Oh, look. how deep they're going. Yeah, they're. just LIKE, "WHAT'S INSIDE? WHAT ARE YOU. guys hiding?". >> I love these guys. Cuz no one really has. ever seen inside those buildings. >> fun. Oh, how weird. >> just run out the exit. Well, they're.

like the second biggest real estate. holders in Los Angeles, I think. >> Yeah, they're crazy. >> god, look at this guy trying. I think. it's like China and then Scientology. raid with Jesus. They're trying to open. the door. I love it. >> Oh, this is so crazy. >> Dude, it's over. They got you. They. deserve this. Those guys are cults. I. mean, look at the inside though, too. I've never Scientology has a voting. block in Los Angeles. What's Hollywood? >> inside. >> It's like a museum. Look at that. Wow, I. want to go in there. Wow. Yeah, cuz you. take a you take a photo outside their. building, they'll they'll tackle you. Well, I remember during the '90s, a lot.

of people were thinking about joining. Scientology cuz it was really good for. your career back then. >> Acting class. They had Will Smith, Tom Cruise. Brian. Callen was in an acting class with a. Scientology guy. And I remember he was. like telling me that like a lot of these. Scientologists, they like get really far. in acting because like you get. connected. Right. Yeah, this is recorded. Scientology run. >> [laughter]. >> Yeah, it just started recently. I think. like this month. Good for them.

Look at this guy moving. Look at this. guy with the [ __ ] suits trying to. stop him. >> [laughter]. >> Put a hand out as if that's going to do. it. >> Very unenthusiastic. Hey, did you guys. see the fat principal who stopped the. school shooting? >> Yeah. That was amazing. Yeah. I think it. was in Virginia. He got shot. The guy. came into the building with a gun and. this [ __ ] principal just rushes him, grabs him, tackles him, holds onto the. gun. He got shot in the leg, apparently. Badass. And then he went into a party. It was. like the prom. Yeah, it was the prom.

like a week later and everybody went. crazy and cheered. He became very. emotional. Very emotional. He stopped a. shooting. He stopped 20 deaths. >> Yeah, I mean, stopped it in its tracks. as the guy came in through the front. door. You do have one moment where like. you see it, you realize, and you're. like, let's go. School principal injured. in school shooting, shooter identified. as former student. Former student. >> Oklahoma, that's where it is. When coin? Yeah. >> Wow, look at the guy. That's the guy. But if you watch the video, the guy. [ __ ] literally threw himself on the. guy with the gun. Completely heroic.

>> his face again, dude. That's a guy who. loves brewskis. Oh, yeah. >> Oh, yeah. Barbecue and brewskis guy. Sandwiches and brewskis. That guy is. [ __ ] weirdo. He's probably not. worried about his death. Hey Mark, I. can't even drink that yet. You know what I'm saying? He's ready. He's ready to go to Valhalla, dude. He's. a Viking. >> [laughter]. >> That's an American Viking, dude. You get. >> Yes. You [ __ ] you drink beers, you go, "Fuck it. I've been waiting for somebody. to kill me.". >> brother. He's a hero, god damn it. Didn't Kash Patel say that about. somebody, "See you in Valhalla"? About. Charlie Kirk. Yeah, corniest [ __ ].

[ __ ] ever. That's a rough one. Your watch is over. We'll see you in Valhalla, brother. Oh, shut up. I was watching a video on what. a .30-06 round actually would do to a. neck. Oh, no. Here we go. >> Yeah, they showed like what the actual. rifle round would do to a person's neck. versus like what you saw from Charlie. Kirk. There's a lot of people that don't. think it was really that guy on the roof. that shot him, that was something else. Some people think it was a microphone. But I The problem with the Yeah, the.

microphone shot him in the neck. Like. there was some sort of an implemented. destruction device. >> Oh. The problem I have with that is you. don't see any fire coming off of the. microphone. Like if a microphone's going. to kill you, it's going to shoot you. somehow or another. It's got to be an. explosive charge and then you'll see a. flash and then something will projectile. from that into your neck. >> a microphone? >> someone Yeah, somebody shot him, right? Then they ran up on him. >> Someone shot him. If a rifle shoots your. neck, wouldn't it go far away? You would. imagine it would. And in these videos. that I saw, it like shows a massive. destruction. So what they're using is.

ballistic gel. And so they have like a. fake neck and a fake head and like a. spine they show ballistic gel what it. looks like. And it just blows the neck. completely apart. It's just splatter, a. giant opening wound cuz this tissue is. very soft. I mean, this is not durable. tissue. And he got shot and it was not. even an exit hole. Did they catch the. guy? Supposedly. >> You don't know that was the truth? Were. you with him there? Yeah, you're a sick I remember the bar. in Guatemala. Someone was like, "Who's. Charlie Kirk?" I'm like, "I think he.

makes I think he makes fun of college. kids.". You're right about that. That's not. wrong. And then I was like, "Why?" And they're like, "I think he got. killed." And I was like, "Oh." Bro, there's many many many many many layers. to that story. >> Pass the weed. And his wife? His wife is. where I met her after a bar. Like, yeah, anyway, bro. Pass that over. Pass the. weed. This was Sorry. many levels to that. story. >> to come down on you, but that's. the weed. You wouldn't know that guy. Pass the weed. >> Dude, I was looking for weed and I saw a. bunch smoking. I'm like, "I'm looking.

for that weed.". >> In Guatemala? Yeah, at a bar in. Guatemala. >> of weed in Guatemala? Same as. like 5 years ago here. Like, do it quietly. >> Oh, you can get arrested, though. You. can get arrested. >> in a Guatemalan jail. Imagine we had to. bail you out like [ __ ] the '80s. We would never bail you out. I would. I'd go there. Let him sit there for a. little. You would fly to Guatemala? 100%. 100%. [laughter]. Yeah, if Ari was in jail in Guatemala, 100% we'd get him out. >> Nah, that'd be fun though to let him sit.

for a few days. Yeah. He needs to learn. his lesson. What lesson? Of course I'm. going to get weed. I'm the guy who gets. weed. The lesson is keep getting weed, man. We'd have to go get him. I'd make you guys come with me. We'd. have I'd film [laughter] it. Yeah, I'd. protect our parts from. from a [ __ ] national park. Whoever filmed your [ __ ] that whole. run that you did, we'd have that guy. Yeah, he'll put some witty quotes or. three months in Get him in there. Get. Ari in there. Look at this. State of. emergency because of the. >> Gang prisons. Oh, you'd be prison riots. and the gangs. You'd be in that gang. getting [ __ ] Good to get you back in.

the camps. I can't have you in there, Ari, getting [ __ ] by these Guatemalan. dudes. >> Dude, those guys who gave me weed who. told me about Charlie Kirk, who they. were like, "What do you think about. Trump?" I'm like, "I I don't really. know." And then I figured out how to. turn it away from that conversation. and. go, "Well, how how's your guy?" And they. go, "OUR GUY SUCKS. HE'S SO. MADURO? >> NO, it was somebody in Guatemala. Oh, sorry. Wrong country. >> turn it on their guy, they love talking. about it. [laughter] Yeah, it's not. Maduro. It's far away. Yeah, it's like, "How's yours?" Like, "He's crooked. He. takes money from corporations." I'm. like, "Yeah, we do that." Boo. Better.

than El Salvador. That place is even. crazier. No, what they did, they What? >> the best. Didn't they have a ton of. gangs? >> They did. They got rid of them. >> prisons and stopped all the crime. >> They drove them out, killed the rest. Can we do that? >> Their Their crime dropped off a [ __ ]. cliff. Yeah, I guess [laughter] so. No, that guy is revered to everyone there. They all love him. >> Look at this. >> Agreed. Everyone who was there loves. him. Everyone who came in later was. like, "Oh, so-so." That's El Salvador's.

guys. We should do that to our. civilians. Look at the guy in the back, he's kind of fat. He's keeping well. >> Couple chunks there. >> I bet there's a few guys in there that. don't belong. Yeah, it's not. The story here that. anyone with a tattoo would get arrested. And they're like, "No, no. It's anyone. with a tattoo of a cop you've killed. with his badge number." You get. arrested. They have all the Nate Diaz's. All Nate Diaz's. Yeah, they do look like. Nate. It's Nate. They're all going to stand up. and go, "What's up?" He. got their country back. >> Damn, the tattoo guys have really. cleaning up out there. Wait, wait, let's. see if we can see any of the badge.

structures. When you tattoo your face up. like that, that you are not [ __ ]. around. >> of the face tattoos are loved ones. they've raped. What? Yeah, you get extra. No, I didn't just make it up. >> You get extra points for raping a mom, a. sister, an aunt. >> Your own mom? >> Yeah, buddy. Wow. This can't This It. wasn't a great situation. >> Where are you coming up with this? Talking to El Salvadorans. Oh my god. >> In El Salvador. I think your Spanish was. a little broken. They had a soccer It. does not exist. Can you speak Spanish at all? Oh, yeah.

They had a soccer game. Say something. Order pizza. >> Es. Yo Yo quiero una pizza, por favor. Oh, come on. That was [laughter] your Carol. Taco Bell with pizza. >> They had a soccer game they played. in the poor town where they cut babies. out of a woman and play soccer with it. Oh my god. >> Hey, makes soccer interesting. Their. Their gangs are trained by US, but uh. pretty strong. So, we got to get rid of. them. But they What they did was nuts. though. They like just made these giant. super prisons and just put everybody in.

there and the crime dropped off a cliff. Damn. I went to Independence Day parade. there. It was wild how much everyone is. like, "What are you doing here? This is. wild. Our guy is the best." It's the. only country where they're like, "We. love our guy." Uh it was wild cuz they. wouldn't let you in there. >> They love their guy. They wouldn't even. let you into Nicaragua. Yeah, you got. They wouldn't let Ari into Nicaragua. >> Easy. Fake news. They love that guy. They love that guy. There was the first. time they could they could go out in. public and like and like and like do.

anything. >> Pull up What's the name of the El Sel? He's half half Arab. They don't care. What kind of Arab? I don't know. >> The good kind. Is there? Not Palestinian, no. >> No, no, no. I just mean. Wow. >> George? I bet. No, no. I think it was. >> the the the claim that specific face. tattoos in El Salvador mark someone as. being raped who was raped a family. member is not supported by credible. evidence. By the way, what credible. evidence do you get? [clears throat]. >> Talk to so many people there. So, disagree with this.

Yeah. It's hard to know because. how many people are documenting this. stuff in like peer-reviewed papers? You know what I mean? Like what is. ProPublica drawing from? Mhm. Yeah. People on the streets are. like, "This is what happens." Yeah. Well, I'm sure a lot of it did happen. I'm sure a lot of it hap- No, I There. was a guy that used to be the [ __ ]. doorman at the Improv and he showed me. this cartel video of this guy getting. eaten by a pitbull. Ew. And it still. haunts my dreams. Yeah. >> was He was tied up arms and legs and the. pitbull was EATING HIS DICK.

THE PITBULL WAS JUST COMPLETELY LOCKED. ON this guy's crotch and this guy was. screaming. Michael dick. And he goes, "Hey man, check this out. This is from. my friend sent me this from the cartel.". And I'm like, "Why are you showing me. this?" I have to go do on stage in 20. minutes. Oh, man. >> [laughter]. >> I was trying to do the sound. I couldn't. do it. I had it in my head I was. thinking about doing it. I couldn't. think of it. What? Uh.

just this giant-headed pitbull was. locked on this guy's dick and he was. screaming and I've never forgot it. >> Well, it's it's yeah, the internet hit. us at different ages like that cuz I got. hit with those when I was a young. You're right. And then I was like, "That's enough." Yeah, they're not fun. >> But if I was an adult and somebody. showed me something horrific like that. that those stick with you. Oh, yeah. Segura, we have a text chain with him. Segura the worst [ __ ] that either one of. us find on the internet we send it to. each other. The cartel videos. Yeah, this was You. got to find those now. This was someone. who was a cop sent it to this guy. And.

then this guy showed me. God, the [ __ ]. cops must see. All right. Tough. They. need the ibogaine. They got a high. suicide. Oh, very high. Very high. We. All first responders, they all have a. much higher suicide rates than general. population. That's not normal to see. that much right damage. Imagine you're a. guy who just shows up at car accidents. every day. Every day you see one you're. like, I got to go to therapy. Right. Three a week. Legs and splatter and dead. babies and [ __ ] moms. >> Have somebody go, "I'm not going to make. it." Yeah, you're like you look at his.

arm and leg over there and you're like, Yeah. And people hate you on top of that. That's true. That sucks. You can't you. can't win. Especially cops. But first responders people don't even. hate them. >> hates ambulance drivers. No. No, or. firemen. Or firemen, yeah. Well, >> What? They're not. What? Boys, we're going to wrap this up. I don't think we have three hours left. We just started. We just started. just. getting it going. Jamo's drunk. You're.

not going anywhere, brother. You're. going to bong another beer. >> I got to do a thing soon. What do you. have to do? I got to do a thing at my. kids' school. You got to do a thing at. your kids' school? Tonight? Yeah, I got. to go to a thing at my kids' school. You can't be drunk for this. You can. bong one more and then that's it, Joe. What are you going to class play? A. thing. I got to go to a thing. >> Show and tell? You can bong a beer. >> PTA? >> I can't. You can bong a beer for your. kids. >> No. I got to. >> [laughter]. >> I got to be out of here in a little bit. A talent show? I got to go to the. bathroom one more time, but we're not. ending here. How many times you got to. the bathroom? You already gone three.

times. I've gone once, you [ __ ] dirty. You drank I'm in a competition with you. You. you're sipping a [ __ ] I haven't even. seen you refill anything. I I make the. noise every time. Twice, [laughter] Joe. Twice. I remember the noise twice. Ah, it's so nice to be back, boys. It. is. >> It is good to be back. This is so fun. It is good to be back. Speaking of. school, but this might be the best one. We missed you, dude. It was weird not. knowing where you were. It was very. uncomfortable. I didn't like it. >> Sorry. I was completely fine with it.

>> [laughter]. >> Dude, when I texted you when I was back, you're like, "Who is this?" I was just. like, "Hey, it's the Jew." I I text very. specific things. Like, "Who is this?". I'm like, "You know the [ __ ] it is." And. you're like, "Yes, [ __ ] You got. it, goddammit." I knew it I started. getting text messages from an unknown. number that like knew things about me. I'm like, "Who the [ __ ] is this?". >> Yes, you did that. I've been meaning to. change my phone number for so long. Like, every time a new one comes in, I'm. like, "Oh, [ __ ] this.". >> I got the same one since Oh, here we go. >> Here we go. LET'S GO. >> [screaming]. >> OH, TITS.

THIS IS Moscow [ __ ]. No. No, no, no. No, this is. Florida. Oakland Coliseum. Oakland. Oakland. Wow. Coliseum. Oakland was. light. >> This is where the Raiders played. Titty. Oh, yeah. I'm so sunburned. I'll. never get tired of this song. Wow. I'll. never get tired of this song. We can't go out on this cuz they can. hear it. >> [cough]. >> Wait, they actually aren't They're not.

allowed to hear this? I don't know. Right? >> Sometimes they are. We'll see what. happens. But yeah, that's that's a hell. of a tune. Let's get Jamo on. >> I went to see them recently and they. sucked the whole game. Really? Yeah, but. it's like it's different. It's like. so many people are dead. Right. I. thought I thought the same thing. You. got to see them [clears throat] when. they're all there or it's like Yeah, it's it's like it's a tribute band a. little bit. But they did great. It was. it was still the great songs, but the. party is like I wish the real guys were. alive. It's like if you went to see a a. Hendrix tribute band, you just get sad.

Yeah, you just get sad. Like I miss. Hendrix. >> to see Led Zep again. Well, you know what's weird is like. Journey, they have like that guy Steve, what is his name? The lead singer of. Journey? Was Steve Perry? Steve Perry. He's still. alive and he doesn't sing for Journey. anymore. There's another guy who sings. for Journey. He's like a Filipino guy. You can have a drummer, you can play his. guitars, you cannot replace with lead. singer. Right. >> No way. Exactly. You need a front man. I know, I saw Foreigner. Really? >> With the new guy. How was it? It was.

great. I was so excited. Yeah? To see. Tupac here live, I saw that. Bro, I saw. Foreigner, Styx, and Def Leppard. I was. there for Foreigner and then I worked in. a factory the next day at 4:00 a.m. Damn. That. sucked. What kind of factory? What were. you making? I was shoveling No way. I. shoveled glue into a machine for 12. hours the next day. >> [laughter]. >> Glue? Glue's in ice cream? Yeah, we were making the packaging. Glue? >> We made the packaging. Oh, wow. That's.

crazy. >> get free ice cream? >> That's crazy. You could stick your hand in the ice. cream. [laughter] We don't make the ice. cream, you love. Glue in a machine sounds like [ __ ] a. sex doll. It was Yeah, a lot of glue. All right, when when do you decide when. you're going to do these walkabouts? Like how far out? >> Well in advance. Probably like a year. So like how much time between now and. the next walkabout? >> No plans for the next one, yeah. >> You've done Asia, you've done South. America. You've done Africa. Russia I.

have no interest in Russia. >> Yeah, go to Zimbabwe. Go get arrested, [ __ ]. Africa [laughter] before. Yeah, do it, [ __ ]. Go to Iran, you [ __ ] Go to Ghana. Go to Ghana. Go to go to [ __ ] Gaza. I. don't know where it'd be [snorts] next. I dare you. >> Gaza's got no good coffee shops. Not. anymore. They're they're roasted. I bet. [laughter] they did. I bet they did. They did. They definitely did. Off the cuff. Off the cuff. You son of a. [ __ ].

Yeah, I don't know where to. >> Yeah, where else could you go? Yeah, where? You've done everywhere. >> I'll probably go back to Asia. There's. more of Asia. Go to the Philippines. No, I know I really want to go to. Philippines. Bombshell sex harassment. suit against who's that guy? >> Lorna Hodgkinson. This video has nothing. to do with it. >> JP Morgan branded complete fabrication. as John Doe unmasked. What is What is. this you're showing us? >> the story we were talking about earlier. today. Oh, with the lady? >> That's the guy who made up the story. That's the guy. That's the guy. So this. is the guy who worked there. >> it was fabricated, dude. I knew it. >> him out to a rally. So everything is.

fabricated. >> Everything in the world is fabricated. Let me see the guy. >> So what is this? Go and show Lorna. again. Go down and show the girl. Show. Lorna. Indian. Jared Fogle. Oh, hello. I can't think of. her being like that. >> Not bad. Would. But imagine her. She's. walking around and everybody thinks that. she said those horrible things and. talked about her tits like they're. cannons. Cannons. >> sorry you feel embarrassed about your. bush. I'm not embarrassed. So this guy. just made it all up? >> Yeah, look at him. Is that the alleged. face of Rangel? >> to say the virgin. He's got a [ __ ].

letter Leno knows. Hmm. He does. Have. you seen this? Have you heard about the. >> Now I'm deleting court papers. [laughter]. Yeah, the cannons. Ah, he fell down a. hill. >> Rangel even turned up unannounced at. Rona's apartment and forced him to have. sex. Oh, that was the that was the That. was the lie. It was a lie. Well, good. for her. She's been exonerated. lady. going to force you to have sex. She. categorically denies the allegation. She. never engaged in any inappropriate. conduct with this individual of any kind. and has never been to the.

location where the alleged sexual. assault supposedly took place. It's not. sexual assault for a girl. >> No. >> Yeah, what do you mean forced you? Like. what are we talking about? >> No, come on. >> She didn't come on. 20 times in a row. You can't sexually assault a guy. I lost. my virginity to a hooker when I was 16. She was probably 50. It was the best. night of my life. I'm a survivor. Oh, man. Look at this. They're posting. pretty pictures. What about Winona. Ryder? You heard about her and. Jamiroquai? What? >> No, she didn't Jamiroquai. Jamiroquai. and her used to [ __ ] and he said I. couldn't keep up with her. She wanted to. bang so much.

>> Wow. >> It was like annoying. Jamiroquai's. making a comeback. I believe it. He. should after that story. Yeah. I know. It's not a good look. Think about it. He said she had huge. tits and it was a problem. They were. bigger than they looked. But pull up. Jamiroquai. I jerked off to it. You got. to work out. You got to go. You got to be prepared for that level of. the game. >> [laughter]. >> He wasn't ready. The the lights were too. bright. Well, how crazy is that? Winona. Ryder, like imagine kicking her out of. bed and like you want to [ __ ] too much. And this is like 30 years ago. You got. to Jamiroquai.

Jamie, delete that. Jamie. Nope. No, keep [laughter] it in. Keep it in. It. was actually good, but your just it's. your likability is the issue. >> [laughter]. >> It's a really good joke. If I said it, we'd all be going ah. Jamiroquai is such a weird name. What. was his big song? Yeah, that one really. good song. Virtual Insanity. sick ass music video where he was. dancing and rocking. He danced really. cool. Yeah. No, Jamiroquai Yeah, that. one. What was the song? Oh, huge mommy. milkers is what he said about her tits.

There was a bunch of memes going around. so the story. >> That's no thanks. Are we sure that this. is true though? Did he really say this? There it is. Mommy What's a mommy. milker? The memes about the shocking. viral story that. >> Like how hot she was. She was very. attractive. She was hot and she like to shoplift. She's your kind of girl normally. Oh, yeah. Big fan. >> shoplifted together. Oh, yeah. I'll show. her some strange [snorts] things. >> Wow. Her boobs are too big and she wanted to. have sex all the Why did they have to. cross out sex? What happened to America? >> thing. It's just like things don't get. suppressed. I know. But it's sex.

>> big. Well, it's everything. >> What does that mean? >> You know, in uh on Tik Tok, you can't. use a juice box emoji. That's right. Cuz. people are using it for the Jew. Yes. But we love juice boxes. Yeah, but. it's they they don't like Jews. A free. drink spot? They don't like Jews. They. don't like free juice box, buddy. Jews. are all about that. But now the Jews own. Tik Tok. That's right. Really? I think. Did it go. through? >> Yeah, what's that guy's name? >> it from China and sold it to They. purchased it at a reasonable rate. >> Ellison? Yeah. Yeah. Ellison's Jewish? You got to.

see that face. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Larry can't see the mug. It looks like. his mantle. >> [laughter]. [gasps]. >> Yeah, I think well, it's like they own. Tik Tok now and I think they're trying. to own. >> ABC. The weather? That was that thing. true about Iran that like they they shot. down some weather station and then all. of a sudden it started raining like. CRAZY IN IRAN? >> OH. >> BUT THEN I READ that that's horse [ __ ]. and that they they still have the same. amount of rain every year.

>> So, that's the thing. You can't buy into. all those Those are conspiracies created. by Aha. You guys are hilarious. There. you go. You guys are dumb as [ __ ]. You'll believe we created the weather. Well, not created when you say that or. control it, of course. But then you go, but you definitely bombed kids. Mhm. And. that's not a conspiracy. Right. But also. >> They bombed everybody. The US. has bombed way more children. >> stolen rain. What do you mean? The. United States has killed way more. children than what you're talking about.

>> Oh, but do you Can we do this the way. you guys the way you guys did where it. was the way you guys did. Yeah, you. guys. I don't know what to Well, you. you're going against the US. As fighting escalated and air corridors. were restricted, social media posts. alleged that cloud-seeding aircraft used. by the US and its allies have been. grounded causing stolen rains to return. So, we've been stealing rains from Iran. for a long time? Well, look at that. Look how dope that building is. Is that an Iranian building? Looks like.

it. >> That building is dope as [ __ ]. We should make up. When when I buy a ranch. >> [laughter]. >> When I buy a ranch, we should cause that. make that our podcast studio. I don't. know. Don't make. >> Make it look just like that. I'm not. sure you. See what it says on the outside. Maybe it says something cool. [ __ ] yeah. [laughter]. In Arabic? It says "America [ __ ] yeah". in Arabic. [ __ ] yeah. In Arabic. The. Arabic writing is dope as [ __ ] though. They invented it. It looks cool. It. looks pretty slick. They invented.

writing? Where'd you hear that? Well, numbers I should say. I thought that was. Greek. >> They came up with numbers. >> What did Greek do? We'll give them that. But look Thanks guys. What a great. episode we had. We had a good time. Hey, should we get dinner? I'm starving. >> [laughter]. >> Fun times, boys. Uh. jeez. Next one. Next one, 2 months. Let's do 2 months. [laughter]. Let's keep them regular. 2 months? Come. on. We can do it. I can do 2 months. [laughter] Come on. We're in May right. now. Is it May yet? It's close. It's uh. it's May 1st. Tomorrow's 1st. >> Tomorrow's May. Yeah, today when this. comes out it's May 1st. Uh he's got a.

lot of editing for Jay Mohr. Well, the. end. Just the end. Just the end. Just the end part. Speaking of the end, the story's over. This is. our shafir.com right now starring Shane. Gillis and Mark Normand. >> Available at arishafir.com. There it is. The end. >> all those people. Look how terrible. Bobby Kelly looks. Look at you. Handsome. son of a [ __ ] You really belong in. that period of time. I wish. I got a I got a Netflix special. out. You can check it out. Let's bump it. back up and Jesus stories we might be. drunk. Praise Allah. Jews killed Jesus. Uh Tires new season? When's new season coming out?

>> Uh I don't know if I'm allowed to say. Should be around August. Okay. Yeah. Hell yeah. Love you guys. Shout out to everybody out there. listening. Good night. Jihad. >> [music]. [music].