Joe Rogan Experience #2377 - Carrot Top

Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out. >> The Joe Rogan Experience. >> Train by day. Joe Rogan podcast by. night. All day. >> Good to see you, my man. >> You as well. Thanks for having Very, very good. >> It's very funny. You You brought a box. of your stuff and one of them. immediately started going off like it's. an alarm. What is that? Was a FedEx box? Yeah, it was a it's a it's that. commercial that runs for late night uh.

Viagra seialis and it says, "Hey, we'll. send you your seialis in Viagra and. unmarked white envelopes." And I would. say, "Fuck that. I don't I want just the. opposite. I want my neighbors to know. I'm getting laid. I want my neighbors to. know I have a dick a hard dick." So, it's got sirens and whistles. My dick's. hard. My dick, you know. So, >> and that's, you know, engineering. We. were just talking about you the other. night at the comedy club. were like, "He. owns props." Like, "You can't do props. now." When I was a kid, when I first. started doing standup, and I'm sure you. too, >> there were prop comics.

>> There was a bunch of guys. >> The WID. Yeah. There was quite a few. guys that were really good. There were. prop com. But you became so successful. as a prop comic, you kind of stole the. market. >> Oh, yeah. >> There's no young comics coming up. >> Nobody wants to be a keratom. I think I. think that's what it is. It's [ __ ] I I. still get so I think people I don't. think you get [ __ ] anymore. >> No, not as much. No, but I but you still. get the aftermath of it. Like just on. the plane today, somebody like I don't. care what are you doing. I do roing.

They said, "Oh, man. I don't care what. everybody else says. You're funny." I'm. like, "What's every but who's everybody. who's everybody else is that?". >> Yeah. Well, they get that. I get that a. lot. You know, the people all the people. that Hey, you I personally think you're. funny. That kind of stuff. So. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm I'm one of the rare. Yeah. >> I'm one of the rare ones who thinks. you're good. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I. can't, you know, I had to beg my mom to. come. She did not want to come. Okay. >> Yeah. It's such a weird. >> a lot of that, right? >> Well, we talked about that the last. time. Like I think you took way too much. [ __ ] from comedians and I never. understood it. I the the weird thing.

that comedians do where they hate on. other comedians. Like good lord, we live. in a world that is filled with war and. famine and disease and pollution and. garbage and chaos and corruption. and. you want to concentrate on a prop comic. Is that is that really I mean. >> what the problem is in this world other. comics. >> true? >> Yeah. And it's almost always comics that. are doing better than you. >> Yes. I think we tried breaking it down. last time as to why and I think it was.

only because I think one I did get. successful and it wasn't quick quick but. it was quicker than maybe most and I you. know because I I hit the scene right at. the right time. I had the the act that. was you know. >> it was a good. >> it was perfect for television right. because it's visuals. It's it's and it's. I got a little success and I think. people were like, you know, why they. would ask Jay, you know, why do you why. do you why do you have Keratop on like. every month? And Jay was like, you know, bring the gun. He doesn't.

But uh. but uh I do remember um the comedy uh. the the evening at the improv and I you. know I I I I played mostly that and the. other one laugh the cheesecake factory. it was and then the uh the comedy store. was more admits he loved me but I never. really played there a lot. So. Bud loved me. One night he uh he I came. in. I said, you know, can I had my. little backpack from the Bud Freeman. improv, sorry. Yeah. And I had my box of. stuff and he always loved me, you know.

He says, "Oh, man. You know, there's no. there's no spots tonight.". >> And I said, "Um, >> well, I drug it all the way, you know, fuck." He's like, "Um, let let me let me. I'll see if I can get you in somewhere.". So the Tonight Show Bookers were there. that night. They were the Jim Macaulay. and these people were there to to pick. watch comics and pick them for the. Tonight Show. So he's like, "Hey, you. know what? I'm going to slide you in. Um, they're going to love you." So I go. up and I had the best set ever I've ever. had. It was just I magical night. And I. I don't know if I was just I knew they.

were there. Every comic was coming, Jesus, dude. [ __ ] I mean, leveled it, right? And Jim McCauley walks up and he. says, "That was amazing." And I said, "Oh, thanks." Um, I say you booked the. Tonight Show. think that maybe I could. get on? And he said, not a chance in. hell. And I was like, I had just killed. I go, wh why? He says, you're not you're. you're Johnny would never book you. And. I said, why? I said, you you but you boo. you booked the show, right? He goes, he.

would never he would never allow it. I. said, why? >> Johnny Carson. >> Yeah. I said, why? He says he hates. variety. >> What a weird thing. >> And I stopped in the middle of my and. I'm like, the whole [ __ ] tonight. show's variety. Carac, the throwing the. hatchets, every [ __ ] thing they do. Ed McMahon's a [ __ ] prop, right? The. whole thing is. >> bringing on animals. >> Animals. You think I'm kidding, right? So, I'm like, well, okay. And and then. finally, I mean, I'm talking like. >> two weeks after uh Johnny left, I was on.

with Jay and it was just like literally, but the weird part about it was it still. was the same studio. You know, they had. the the blue, you know, the gold star. So you're standing right where Johnny. was and the same like Ed Dordova was. still in the booth and everyone was. still like there. >> Yeah. >> So you felt like it was the the the. Tonight Show. But uh how weird is that? Like no, you know, don't like variety. And then I would get, you know, singled. out because uh I would do Leno so many. times. I'd ask if I could do Letterman. They said, "No, you're you're you're.

team Leno." I'm like, >> I'm not it's like it's like that. Twilight movie. I'm not team [ __ ]. whatever. There's two teams. Thank god. that doesn't exist in podcast. That. would disgusting [ __ ] thing where if. you were on one person's side, you're. the enemy. >> Yeah, Leno. >> How stupid is that? >> I was I guess. >> Well, it was such famine thinking back. then because you know there was only a. certain amount of uh. >> Now you know it's not a wig on there. >> Well, I never thought it was a wig. >> No, people had that thing on straight.

>> Isn't it weird that like women can wear. wigs? No problem at all. A man wears a. wig. It's pretty pathetic. You're a. loser. Absolutely. >> A man with a hairpiece. >> Nice nice hairpiece. >> Yeah. >> Or implants. You know, when I would I. lived in LA. This is true. I lived in. LA. I'd go to Gold's Gym. >> and my hair was even more out of out of. control. I had big ass hair. >> Had big [ __ ] arms and and these. ladies were behind me and they're like, "Oh my god, look at that those that. woman's arms." Right. >> Seriously, makeup and into the whole. nine yards. And they were just amazed.

And they came over and said, "How do you. get your arms that big?" they going to. turn around. I said, "I don't know, you. know, arm workout." And she's like, "Oh." And I could see their face turned. like it's a dude. But I was kind of, you. know, pretty then, you know, it's like, you know, the younger, a lot of hair, makeup, so and then that same gym one. day I'm I'm I'm working out and this guy. says, "Um, nice arms." And I said, "Thanks." He's like, "Uh uh, who who who. did the work, right?" And I thought he's. making I said, "I did I put in the. [ __ ] work?" You like, "Who works out. for me?" He said, "No, no, no. I mean,

uh, implants, right? I'm like, only in. LA would you have someone in a gym walk. up and say, "Oh, yeah, implants." Yeah, I have implants. You You [ __ ] go to. the gym and you do the gym thing out. assuming that someone has implants. It's. pretty wild. >> But I don't have that big of I mean, this guy thought I, you know, I. >> That's how gross LA is. >> Yeah, it is. >> It's That's like the default assumption. is that everything's fake. >> Yep. No matter what. >> Where'd you get your butt? Who Who did. your butt? >> Who did your butt? Where'd you get your nose done?

>> Yeah, it's always. >> everything. No, it's true. >> No one wants to believe. >> because you're plugged. >> Yeah. No one wants to believe that. you're natural. >> Another thing I got too weird. I just. had a guy today at the airport. Uh he. said, "Uh, hey, you still working out.". And I'm like, you're supposed to say, "I. see you're still working out, right? You. don't ask him if you're still working. out. That means you don't look like you. work out.". >> Well, I think he's probably just trying. to start a conversation with you. >> Yeah. And no, I did. I said, "You mean. you mean I see you're still?" And he. goes, "Yeah, what did I saw you?" I. said, "You said, "Do you still work.

out?". >> Yeah. And what's the answer to that? You. just say, "Yes.". >> I say, "No, no, I'm. Yeah. >> No. I said, I'm not feeling well." Yeah. >> I'm dying. >> I'm dying. Yeah. >> Oh, you didn't hear like Well, >> yeah. I It's radiation poisoning. >> Yeah. >> Something happened. One of my toys. >> They always say you lift light. I hate. that, too. I'm in the gym and like you. always lift light. >> What does that mean? >> I don't I guess it means I don't I don't. lift I don't ever I do weights. So, I. don't do heavy weights. >> I don't have spotters. I just do cables.

and do some dumbbells. But people always. do that. You always work light. Like, [ __ ]. >> People are silly. >> I'm heavy for me. >> People are silly. >> There's a lot of people that just don't. know what to say. You know, they meet. someone famously. >> They don't know what to say. They just. get weird. >> They do. >> And then they afterwards they probably. leave and go, "Why the [ __ ] did I say. that? Jesus Christ, I feel so stupid.". >> I've done that before. Meet famous. people, act like an idiot, and you're. like, "What? [ __ ] So, I try to give people a little. grace.

>> I am so so true true of that. If I see. celebrity, I'm like, "Oh, I'm not gonna. I'm not I'm going to [ __ ] it up.". Really? Right. >> Do you get a lot of people coming to. your shows that are famous? You must. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We have um last night. we had a guy here, Chris Jericho was at. the show last night and he was he said. hi to you. He's the wrestler. Yeah. >> Oh, cool. >> Real nice guy. >> Um. >> you've been at the Deluxe for how long. now? >> 19. Uh coming up on 20. >> That's crazy. >> Yeah. November. >> You probably have the longest residency. of anybody in Vegas other than like.

>> But they don't count because one only. talks. >> So. >> they've been there forever. >> They've been there forever. Yeah. >> I remember I saw them there in '94. >> 94. 98. 98. I saw them there in '98. >> Yeah. >> At the at the Rio. Back when the Rio was. nice. >> Yeah. Right. >> Now it's like you got to wear a. bulletproof vest. >> They should just light it up. [ __ ] hole. You know, >> it's a weird place. Mhm. >> It's weird how some of those places just. they just fall off. They just they just. get tired and then no one wants to go.

there anymore. But then if they they. last long enough, then they become like. circus circus where they're fun. >> Right. Right. >> It's fun to go there. >> No, it is. And and then Luxer, they just. did a whole big revamp on it and nice. It's it's it's a beautiful hotel. Every. time I walk in, it's just it's. spectacular to see the how they made. that. >> Well, I'm obsessed by Egypt. So, for me, it's like I wish I the Luxor was the. best hotel. I'd stay there every time. cuz it's, you know, it's a [ __ ] giant. pyramid. We actually the best hotel. >> Oh, yeah. For sure. For you. We did a.

fear factor stunt where people had to. slide down the Luxor once. >> Oh, wow. >> Yeah. They had to like grab flags on the. way down. They had to slide down. >> All right. See, I'm not doing that. >> Yeah, it was. Pretty crazy. Pretty. ridiculous. >> back in the day. >> That is crazy. >> Yeah. 20 [ __ ] years, man. That's a. long ass time to be doing a residency. So before that you were doing colleges. and you were touring and you know do you. miss any of that? You do a little. touring now. >> We do a little touring now and then but. uh it it's only when I when I get the.

the the off time so if I get a week off. like I'm here I could be home in my boat. but I'm here. >> right. >> um I do road shows but you know you. can't all you got to take a break here. and there because you can't kill. yourself but uh I like the you know I. like the the touring. I like the bus. So. you feel like a rock star, you know, you. pull up on a bus and you got the big. venue and there's a sound check and. there's people and meeting. We have that. the looks or but not like you know. people hanging out by the bus, you know, I get people like hey you [ __ ] my mom.

I'm like great. >> I know you're getting old. You remember. that? You used to remember you [ __ ] me. now. Hey you [ __ ] my mom. Pretty soon. it'll be you blew my grandpa. You know. it be something. It'll be something. >> when uh. >> wait his grandpa blew me. Your grandpa. blew me. Let's get this straight. Your. grandpa's a liar. First of all, >> first of all, your grandpa's a liar. >> He's dead. I'm sorry. On his deathbed, you know, carrot top. blooming one. >> Thank god he's dead. You can't tell.

anybody. >> The one thing that's good about not. touring though, like cuz I mostly just. work my club now, is I never feel tired. I like the traveling tiredness is. horrible. You realize how bad it is to. be flying all the time. That is one. great advantage of having the show every. night at the Lux store cuz I leave my. house. Sleep in your own bed. >> Oh yeah. I'm home home by 10:30 11. >> That is a huge plus. That's a huge plus. >> Yep. Cuz the road is it's it can tear. you up. But like I said, there's the ups.

and there's pluses and minuses of it. It's fun. You're in a rock you're you're. a rock band, you know. There there's. pluses and minuses, but for me um I mean. this is the first time in my life where. I haven't toured like the last few. years, the last three, four years. >> Man, it's nice. >> Well, I guess four three years ago I was. touring still. >> Like two years. The last two years I've. just since the club opened, I just. stopped and it's been amazing. I love. it. >> Perfect. >> You know, all my friends are doing. arenas. They send me pictures. I'm like, have fun. I don't want to do it. >> I [ __ ] want to get out there. I.

probably will uh once I make a new hour. because right now I'm at like 40. something minutes once I get a full new. hour. I'll probably do some some tour. dates just for the [ __ ] of it. But. >> yeah, >> but being at home has giant advantages. It's you don't realize like how much. you're destroying your body until you. stop doing it, >> you know? >> Oh, it's Yeah. Yeah. Having the show is. nice for that reason, too. I mean, you. can you have a normal day, you know. I. had a dog for a You can take a dog and.

then go to work and come home and. you're, you know, watching Sports Center. at 10:30 in bed. >> Do you uh do you feel weird living in. Vegas? Vegas is an odd place. >> It's like you have to find. >> Well, I live in in the, you know, in the. Summerland area where it's like a normal. Yeah. So, it's a normal suburb, >> but then you go to work inside the. Devil's Ball. >> Then I go inside the Devil's Ball is a. good way to put it. And uh Yeah. And. then I leave I leave the that down the. shaft back to back to back to. Summerland. It spits right out the tip.

>> Right out the tip into Summerland. Woo! We're home. That was hell. >> Yeah. >> I mean, I find it funny. There's a. college there and a big college, you. know, UNLV. I find that funny because. you imagine asking your parents like, "Hey, I want to go to college." And. like, "Oh, right on. Where are you going. to go?" Michigan, Iowa. You're like, >> "Um, I'm thinking about Vegas. You're. [ __ ] not going to Vegas for college.". >> My buddy Sam Tripley went there. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. It's a good college. >> I mean, it's a good college. I'm just. saying, you know, for the joke purposes. of. >> Well, it seems like Vegas has become. more of a community now, right? They. have the Raiders now. Are they getting a.

major. >> Golden Knights and the Golden Knights? What do they. >> uh the hockey. >> hockey, right? That's right. They got a. hockey team now. >> Always have fights. There's fights. Oh, yeah. Almost every some kind of boxing. or UFC event or something. >> And there's talking of They're talking. of building the baseball stadium, I. think. Heard the. >> A's. That's nice. What's going to be the. Vegas A's? That's going to be weird. >> I I guess. Yeah. I don't know. >> It's Is it the Vegas Raiders? Is that. what they call themselves? >> Yeah. Las Vegas Raiders. >> That's weird. >> Yeah. Everyone, even the commentator's.

like, "Yeah, Oakland's. you can't say Oakland Raiders. You can't. you takes a long time. People still say. people still say Washington Redskins, you know, just every Chris Collinssworth. last week." You know, the the [ __ ]. >> what do they call themselves now? The. Redskins. >> The Commanders. [Music]. And you you're talking this is pretty. good. I'm like a sports guy. I know this. stuff. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Commanders. >> Yeah. Vents kids is a weird one though. >> Washington Commanders. >> That one's problematic.

>> Yeah. >> You know. >> Well, there's a lot of them. I guess. that though was something there some. article someone did. It was really. great. It broke down everything that. could be. like the Braves, the thing, the Chiefs. They went through all these different. things. We'd have to get rid of. everything. >> How about Notre Dame? >> The only thing left was like the. dolphins cuz they're just it's a little. But you can't you it's a dolphin. You. can't you can't hurt a dolphin, you. know. >> Well, yeah, but then there's dolphins in. captivity. It's kind of gross that. you're capitalizing on dolphins in. captivity, >> right? >> There was a there was a lot of people. that were upset about the Notre Dame.

using the Fighting Irish, using that. little leprechaun guy. >> Yeah, right. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I think they're going to have a problem. with everything. I mean, you know, Jesus. Louise. >> Yep. Yep. >> That's all it is. >> You ever get protested? >> Uh, no. No. Shocked. >> No, I I haven't. But I I thought um I. had a nightmare one night that I did. like it just I you know I'm I'm it just. be people outside the luxur just mad. about something. Uh no but I've thought. about that because I know people have. been Have you you've been have you been.

oh but see that's so strange. Yeah, minor. Just a bunch of people like mad. about something. >> Bald guys, you know, >> it's always something, you know, whatever it is. >> People just get upset. It's always a. small group of people cuz it's actually. organized by by actual humans versus. like uh these crowdfunded ones where. like they show up on tour buses and they. all have like professionally made they. hand them to and they're all getting. paid to protest. Those that's a weird. thing that they're doing today.

>> there. That's a that didn't exist when I. was a kid. like paid protesters. >> I don't think so. >> I was watching a documentary on it on. YouTube the other day that was uh they. they followed this woman who is a. professional paid protester and she goes. from free Palestine to this to that to. she's been doing it for years. >> She goes from one protest to the next. and. >> that's her job. >> That's her job. Yeah. And she makes, you. know, x amount of $100 a day. Wow. >> And they fly around. >> [ __ ] Stays at the Four Seasons. Maybe. I'll start doing.

>> I think that kind of should be illegal. Yeah, kind of. >> Yeah, because it's kind of a lie. It's. kind of. >> fraud. It's beyond fraud. It's beyond. and and the guy whoever's funding it. >> is right. I mean, who's paying them? >> It's usually NOS's, non-government. organizations that get taxpayer money, unfortunately. >> But it's a weird thing where you're. pretending that these people are. outraged when they really just want a. sandwich. >> Right. Right. Right. You see them all. the time on the news. Yeah. And people. don't know they're real, right? They. don't know they're not real. No, but. >> until someone points it out like you.

just did and then they get exposed and. and then people like no you're just. you're just listening to the hype of the. what do you call the you know the what. do you call it the when they say. something's you know. >> propaganda. >> propag or the other one where like oh. this just you know the world's flat and. that kind of the conspiracy theories. >> Oh yeah. >> So I love those because I you know with. my dad working at NASA I would always. answer ask people like what like what do. you think. >> what did your dad do at NASA? He was um. an engineer. He uh he he uh trained the.

astronauts in uh in the. >> Was he involved taking the moon landing? Did you. >> Nice. Yes. Yes. >> I wish my dad was alive. He'd he he'd. punch you right now. >> Oh, yeah. My dad Well, >> I slip. I move. >> Yeah. No, because we had a we had a we. just had a discussion backstage. Oh, God. dang. A couple days ago. >> I don't know what something had. something happened, but a flag or. something a flag. a flag waving on the. moon. >> No, it was something about a flag, like. burning flag, something. And I said, my.

friend said, "That's an interesting. question. I wonder if the if the if the. flag is still on the moon." And I said, "That's a great question." Like, it's. one of those you had to break it down, right? >> Yeah. >> So, I'd say, "Well, my dad would know.". And I guess I'm and I'm not the. brightest guy, but I would I would do. like an engineer would break it down. Well, there's not, you know, it's. there's no wind on the moon. I mean, there might be cosmic something wind up. there, but it's not right. So, and. there's nothing that's going to. deteriorate the flag. So, it's probably. still there. >> if unless it got hit by micromedorites.

>> Well, something that's mean other than. that it would be right. >> because there's no atmosphere on the. moon. So, well, a very very thin. atmosphere. So, it gets pelted all the. time, >> right? The only thing that would. probably right, but it's unless how deep. the the [ __ ] put it. And but my dad. trained him to drive that little lunar. rover. >> Oh. >> And so, the joke I was going to put in. the show, I said, you know, NASA can now. uh can they're good. They can zoom in. and look at. So here's the NASA zoom in. on on the they have on the moon. >> You see the flag. See, I told you the. [ __ ] moon's still there. And then we.

pan over and there's the Land Rover, but. it's it's up on blocks and they they've. looted it and taken all the wheels off. of it. So see the [ __ ] thing they've. already stole it. They've already tear. they did take photos. I think it was. India. Was it India or China? One of the. satellites that they had hovering the. moon took. appropriately blurry, ambiguous photos. of what they claim was the landing site,

like where the the lunar module was and. yeah, where the buggy is. >> Well, that was that would be the punch. line at the end. Of course, it's still. there in some sound stage in LA, you. know. >> I think the sound stage is probably in. Vegas. >> I think it was out in the desert. >> Summerland. It might be near my house. >> Could be. I think it's out where they. film where they do like uh UFO back back. engineering. >> Yeah, maybe. >> That's another weird thing. You're. you're right where where the uh Luxor is. is right across the street from where. those guys take off to go Area 51.

>> My brother flew those. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> Whoa. >> Here's the crazy thing. Not probably, but you know, my brother uh was Air. Force and so he retired Air Force F-16. fighter jet pilot and now he he for for. about three years he flew those red. stripe planes. >> Ah, >> and the weird thing is I'm in the Luxor. when I first got the gig and I was in. the in my room was at the top of the not. with the not on the light. That'd be a. horrible room to be and people like is. your room with the light on it? Yeah, my.

room was with the light in it. For. people that don't know, there's a giant. spotlight that they actually had it. toned down. >> Yeah, because it was interfering with. flights. >> It was indeed. >> Yeah. >> There's three things you can see from. outer space, by the way. The Great Wall. of China, the Luxor light, and my [ __ ]. Um, thank you. >> I'm here all week trying to wing. >> I'm actually here all all week. All. week. Um, so what was I? Oh. Oh. So, I'm. looking out the window, right? Every. morning I would look out and they I'd. see the the planes and I didn't know. what they were. I thought they were the.

some private guy, you know, a big mill. billionaire that has all these jets out. there. They were blue. So I thought, "Oh, this is another billion red jets.". And so then there's four channels on my. TV. It was like when I was a kid, right? And the Luxer was just the Luxer channel. and then the, you know, so the Luxer. channel would have a loop every day this. goddamn thing about the red stripe. planes. And this is real, right? So, I'm. watching it and they're like, "No one in. the world knows where these red striped. planes are. They fly out of a a secret. location." I swear to God in West and.

I'm like I'm looking out my window like. they're [ __ ] right there. And it's serious like no one knows for. years people have tried to discover. where the red planes fly in and out of. I'm like this is a joke. So, I called my. brother. I said, you know, he fly I said. you this thing says that you're you're. like top secret. You don't fly anywhere. Yeah. I don't even know what you're. talking about. You know, my brother. can't tell me. He wouldn't tell me. I. just thought that was so crazy. I'm. like, there's whole show saying there's. no red planes and they and there's a. mystery to if you could find them. And.

I'm like, they're right. Everybody knows. where they are. >> I can zoom in and take a picture of it. >> That's ridiculous. Everybody literally. knows where they are. They're You could. see them from Mandalay Bay. >> Unless they are fake ones. They're the. ones that the deploy. See, they the. decoy. >> The decoy. >> Yeah. Just like the 747. Then they have. the other 747. >> Yeah. When Bob Lazar was working on back. engineering UFOs, allegedly that's where. he used to fly out of. >> They'd pick him up there and he'd fly. over to Area S4. >> Quick quick little flight out into the.

middle of Groom Lake. >> Quick layover and come back. >> Get out and they'd say, "Figure this. thing out.". >> Jeez. >> Allegedly. >> Allegedly. Yeah. >> Supposedly looks like that. That one. right there on the desk. >> I thought that was a symbol of AC/DC's. album. Look, doesn't it? >> It looks a little bit like that. No, it's this. That's the sport model. That's what Bob supposedly was working. on in Area 51. Yeah. You know, who knows? >> It's fun. >> Yeah. >> Space stuff. Yeah. >> But when you're looking at those actual.

planes, I'd like to talk to one of those guys. They tell you though, then they're. [ __ ]. >> Oh, yeah. Like my brother's like, "What. are you talking about?". >> He would not. No. He said, "You know, I. work at In-N-Out." No, you don't. You. fly this planes. Tell me more. >> He wouldn't tell you nothing. >> No. >> Even have to put the phones down and go. for a walk. >> No. No. >> Nothing. Your own brother? >> Yep. >> If you were my brother, I'd tell you. everything. >> Would you? >> [ __ ] yeah. >> I would too. I don't think I can't keep. a secret. That's why why you're not.

exactly why they wouldn't hire you. >> People always ask me like, "Does anybody. ever tell you like secret top secret. information?" Like, "No, I have a big. [ __ ] mouth.". >> Exactly. Right. >> They told me that UFOs are real. I'd be. I'd be like, "Look, I'm sorry. Maybe. they're going to put me in jail, but I. have to tell you." I always have that. question too honestly about about people. that have had security clearances and. that and then they revoke them and they. get rid of. >> Yeah. >> My biggest I have I know these are not. working these aren't working something. about your hair. >> Yeah. My physique. >> Let's just let's just go headset lesson.

>> We don't feel better. >> Oh, it was a struggle. >> Can I take my pants off, too? >> Take your pants off. This is a pants. No. headphone, no pant wearing zone. >> You probably have extra pants in there. anyway. >> I I I might. I do probably have. something in there. >> I know. I used to. >> Do you even know what's in there? >> Do you structure your show or do you. just like reach in and start the show? The show is structured. Um but when I. come and do like little things, there's. not at all. There's nothing's zero. >> Do you ever do guest sets like at a. comedy club where you bring the.

>> I used to do I used to make a a thing. >> Do you do it these days? No. Now. >> I mean to kind of do like this is what. I'm doing today with Tony. I bring a. little a little thing a little last time. you did it. It was very fun. I saw some. >> Yeah. He said he said to me I was at. home I said I don't really don't want to. do props you know I want to talk I want. to do. >> I want to be you know not keratop he. says but that's what I want I want you. to be that and he was right because he. was really he was right cuz you know a. lot of his it was both right it was fun. to talk be funny without doing props and. then go and show some of the stuff and.

he he was beside himself he said are you. here tomorrow night I want to do I'm. here. >> uh no. >> no I'm here tonight and. >> I have a show there tomorrow night sh'. be fun if you. >> oh that would pulled the box. Oh man, I. would have done that in a heartbeat. >> another time. He'll be back. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Next time was playing on that. >> Yeah, that would be. >> fine. He would get kicked out. >> Absolutely. Yeah. I just had Ron White. come up on on stage um just last Friday. >> Oh, he was in Vegas. >> He was in Vegas. Uh and he came out and. you know, Ron's just a hoot. He says uh.

he he comes and and I said, you know. what? I said, well, I I thought you know. what do you want me to do? I said, you. just just do what I you know, don't you. know stress out. Don't come out and do. 20 minutes. Just I think just poke your. head out. I I have a I had a I have a. bit in my act where I talk about my dad. working at NASA and training astronauts. and he says like Neil Armstrong and John. Glenn all these pictures come up and. Katy Perry and everybody goes ah and. said if my dad was alive you could hear. him right now. I go what the [ __ ] And I.

got Ron White to do the voice for it. Right. So the crowd they already know. it. You just hear his voice. What the. [ __ ] And everybody's like Ron White. So. I said, "That sounds like Ron White." I. said, "Fucking sounds a lot like Ron. White." And he he walks out and he goes, "Well, no [ __ ] Sherlock." And the crowd. loses it, right? And he's so I was going. to come out here and say something, but. you're [ __ ] I was having a good set. [ __ ] blowing the roof off of the. [ __ ] place. And so he says, "Uh, do. you still want me to?" I said, "No,

dude. Joke. All right, I'll do He did. some joke.". And it was great cuz he he's he was I'm. watching the whole show. He's like one. of my men, you know, heroes in life. He's sitting there watching the show, but then he's gone for like I don't his. bits coming up. I don't know where he. is. And you could smell pot the whole. the whole theater. So I realize it's not. a joke. And I'm like, "Oh, [ __ ] I hope. it's I mean, Ron, you can't like smoke. weed in here." So he I go off after get. he comes out and he just he just it. comes. So I said, "All right, another.

hand for Ron White." And I said some. kind of I said and if you smell weed. it's probably he's back he goes back in. my dress now there's another show back. that's back down in there all these. stripper girls and he's they're all like. hey I didn't know you partied. I'm like. what? Like I didn't know you party. I've. been there 19 years. I'm like I don't. party. They're like no that's oh that's. my friend Ron. He's smoking weed. They're like holy she's got good [ __ ] I. mean it was it would just bellow through. the whole lobby out into the lobby. >> Yeah he can go hard. Oh, he goes. >> I smoked weed with him and then done a.

set and be like, "Oh my god, what am I. talking about?". >> Yeah, I know. He was so biterate. And. then he left his weed and his wallet in. my dressing room. >> Oh, no. His wallet. >> Yeah. [ __ ] I love his wallet. >> And his weed. >> He's here. He lives here. >> He does. I know. He's He was said he. might surprise me today later. >> Oh, nice. >> Um, and you've done with with I don't. know if I. >> I do shows with him every week. >> He's not great. He's He's the best. just. uh. >> he's one of the main reasons why I moved. here. >> Well, that's crazy. >> Yeah. When um he moved here in 200 I.

think 17 or 18, I think 18. And uh I was. like, "Wait, where are you, man? I miss. you." He's like, "I moved back to. Austin. I [ __ ] love it. It's in the. middle of the country. I can fly here. from everywhere. It's like three hours. no matter where you go. Three hours to. New York, three hours to LA. Perfectly. centrally located. People are nice. Food's great.". >> I was like, "All right, >> he's right." He he got me thinking about. Austin and then when the pandemic hit I. was like well if I move to Austin at the. very least Ron's going to be there. I'm.

like there's good comedy club there but. the comedy club had already closed. >> Um I'm like but at least Ron's there you. know I'll have a friend. I just had to. get out of LA. And he was just raving. about how good come on down man. Austin's [ __ ] awesome good [ __ ]. good weed. >> He's also the one who talked me into. opening up a club. >> Awesome. >> Yeah it was it was totally Ron. He. hadn't done stunning story. He hadn't. done standup in like eight months. He. goes, "I'm [ __ ] retired." Because it. was the the pandmic and all the chaos.

I'm [ __ ] retired. I'm done. I got. plenty of money. I'm just going to enjoy. life and this done. I'm like, "Okay, come on, man. Really?" I'm like, "You're. so funny." Like, I just can't believe. that. And so then uh Tony put on a show. at the Vulcan. Tony had done like one or. two shows indoors. I'm like, which was. crazy. Like, oh my god, we're doing. shows indoors in 2020. This is madness. And in LA, people were freaking out. You're killing grand. >> Yeah, exactly. >> And so, uh, Ron um was like, "Oh, [ __ ]. it. I don't even know if I'm going to do.

a set." And then, uh, he decided to go. on stage. He went on stage, the audience. went [ __ ] bananas. He got a huge. standing ovation. The moment he went on. stage, murdered. I mean, murdered for 15. minutes. And then he came off stage and. he grabbed me by my shoulders and he. goes, "Whatever the [ __ ] we have to do, we're going to keep doing this. You got. to open that club." I'm like, "Okay, okay.". >> That's great. >> That was the beginning of the comedy. Mothership. It was Ron White. >> How great is that? >> Yeah, he's the he was the the original. he was the the Christopher Columbus, but.

that's a bad example because that guy. was a real piece of [ __ ]. >> Uh, you know, he was the original. pioneer. >> that came here. >> Yeah. Crazy. >> We went out, I do one more Ron White. story because it's it's it's just. incredible. I go I go he come we go out. this little fancy like one of these posh. little bars down in somewhere in the. fancy hotel and I even said where do you. want to go and he says this is kind of. like you know little I thought we go to. a bar and he said let's go to the one.

atari or whatever so we go and it's it's. real fancy and we sit down and the. waitress walks over to us and it's. there's three of us his wife is his. girlfriend me my friend and I said um. let's do a crown on the rocks and I'll. have a glass of wine and and as I look. over to his wife, I said, "Would you. like a damn someone smoking weed?" And. Ron's is literally he looks at he's. like, "Well, no [ __ ] shit." And I go, "Ron, you you can't you can't smoke pot. in here." He goes, "What the hell can't.

Who who the hell's going to throw Ron. White and Carrot Top out of a [ __ ]. bar?" And within seconds, Metro is. standing there going, "You got to get. the [ __ ] out of here." And Ron's like, "You got to be [ __ ] shit." I said, "Ron, you can't like he just he the cops. are there." And he's like, "Well, they're good. They're good." I said, "No, we're not good. We got to go." He. just thought he Who's going to He did. that in my backstage this last week. I. said, "You can't smoke pot back here.". He It's your [ __ ] dressing room. What. does that mean? It means you can't.

>> Well, cuz I've got other No, cuz I've. got the other people. The girls. The. show. >> Oh, the next. >> is a lot of the other people backstage. that I can't do that. >> The next show is like strippers. >> called Fantasy. Yeah, it's like my It's. like a lot like my show except it's it's. funnier and there's naked people. So, yeah. >> What is it? >> It's just a girls dancing review show. >> Oh, they used to have something like. that. It was called Crazy Girls. >> Yeah. >> There was like comedians would host it. >> Oh god. >> That was kind of like this one. They.

have they have it have a comic in the. middle and the girls Yeah. It's a good. show. They've been there for a while. >> It's for people that want excuse to see. strippers, but they don't want to go to. a strip club. Right. Right. So, they. take Exactly. You can take a date to a. show, >> right? >> See some titties. >> Oh, yes. Exact. It's smart, isn't it? >> Weird. >> See, we didn't go to a strip club, honey. We went to a fancy titty bar. >> Vegas is just such an odd place. There's. nothing like that place. It's so. strange. It's just got such a history. I. mean, it's first of all, the beginning. of it, right? It's founded by the mob.

Like, they literally want a place where. they can get gambling. And then in order. to have legal gambling, there's probably. some sort of a deal where they let the. government blow nukes off in the in the. middle of the [ __ ] mountains. >> So there's spots out there where you. really can't even visit because they. detonated 50 60. >> nukes. It's crazy. >> That's what killed John Wayne, you know, >> Vegas. >> John Wayne was doing a movie in Nevada. about Genghask Khan. It's a terrible. movie. Uh, and uh, he did that movie and.

a giant percentage of the people that. worked on the movie got cancer from it. >> Oh [ __ ]. >> Because they were lit literally like. right down the road from one of the test. sites. >> Oh. >> Yeah. >> That's crazy. >> It's [ __ ] right? Yeah. But I I always. thought that's probably one of the. reasons why they allowed them to do the. gambling thing there. They probably made. some sort of a deal like, "Yeah, you can. have gambling, but this is what we want. to do.". >> Yeah. >> We want to blow off nukes. Jesus.

I feel like that sometimes on when I'm. on stage of the Luxor if some something. from comes down and you can the crowd. can see it just particle of something. It's always like Oh, it's nice. You. know, the place is fine. Asbestous. >> Well, it's not nukes. Lexer was built in. like what the early 2000s. >> No, it wouldn't be new. It wouldn't be. nuclear stuff. >> When was that place built? >> Yeah, something like that. >> Like 2000 or something like that. M. >> cuz when we filmed Fear Factor there was. like 2000 about.

>> 2000 I've been there 20 of them. So yeah. 2000. >> you know so I don't think they use. asbestos but it's just such a weird. place. 93. Oh wow. No kidding. >> Oh [ __ ] We're way I'm way off and I. work there. [ __ ]. >> Not too far off. 10 years. >> Wow. >> Look at that. >> The wait is over. Two pound-for-pound. kings, one epic showdown. Canelo versus.

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In Connecticut, help is available for. problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777. or visit ccpg.org. Please play. responsibly. On behalf of Bootill Casino. and Resort in Kansas, 21 and over. Agent. eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Fees. may apply in Illinois. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 7 days after issuance. For additional terms and responsible. gaming resources, see dkng.co/audio. >> It was a great idea. >> Yeah, it's still phenomenal. You walk. inside it. It's just breathtaking.

>> I was there recently. I went right. there. You walk in, it's like. do a joke like that. See, I got I had. sex on really hot chicken and they. finally they threw me out of the bodies. exhibit or something stupid. The joke. >> That bodies exhibit is [ __ ] creepy. Do you know the story behind that place? >> I Well, a little. I mean, yeah, that. kind of. >> they're mostly. Well, they don't really know like where. they're getting the bodies, but they do.

know that a lot of them are political. prisoners. >> Yeah. So, it's basically like people. that ran a foul of the Chinese. government, so they whack them and turn. them into statues. >> Wow, that's creepy. It's right outside. my theater. >> Yeah. Well, damn. A lot of them they. they call like unidentified bodies, but. the the real problem is like to be. unidentified body, you have to be. unidentified for 30 days, but then in. order to do the plastination process. where they turn you into a statue, it. has to take place within 48 hours of.

death. So, [Laughter]. >> someone's lying. >> [ __ ]. >> Yeah, someone's lying. >> It makes a lot more sense now. Lot of. bullet holes. What a what a great place. to have a comedy club right next to like. the Titanic Museum and dead [ __ ]. bodies, right? That didn't get you more. in a mood for a show. >> I saw that too. The Titanic Museum. >> Yeah, Titanic Museum. >> That's pretty dope. They have actually. have a big chunk of the Titanic on. display there. >> Yeah, I've been in there. >> Yeah, but it was what a wild time where people.

would just get on a [ __ ] boat and. travel across the ocean with no YouTube, no GPS, hope they didn't hit an iceberg. And that was like super fancy high tech. travel. Imagine the people that traveled. 30, 40 years before that. Wooden boats. >> Yeah. >> Not having any idea. Just going on a a a promise that you had. a job waiting on the other side of the. [ __ ] ocean, >> right?

>> Yeah. That's how my grandparents got. here. >> There are probably comics on those. cruise ships working. >> Probably terrible comics on those cruise. ships. That's the worst job in comedy. >> Ah, ever, right? Ever. I did one. That's. my only one. >> It's one of those things where a guy, you know, there's some guys that like it. like I know Alonzo Bowden does like jazz. cruises. Like Alonzo Bowden is a he's a. great comic, but he's also like a giant. jazz fan. Loves jazz music. So, he'll go. on jazz cruises. And it's it's probably. perfect for him because like it's like.

if I went on an MMA cruise, you know, I. could talk about it's like you could. talk about subjects that most people in. a regular crowd be like, "What the [ __ ]. is he talking about?" If you're talking. about obscure jazz music, you know? >> Yeah. No, that would work. I have a lot. of friends love cruise ships. I just. don't Yeah. >> Have you heard what they're doing with. AI music? Speaking of jazz, they they. did I sent it to Jamie today. They took. 50 Cents Many Men and made it like a.

soulful song that seems like it's from. the 50s or 60s. Have you heard this? >> No, but I heard I've heard a few other. ones, not the 50 Cent one, >> dude. You want to listen to it? It's so. [ __ ] good. I I sent it to Brian. Simpson and he said, "That is the best. [ __ ] thing you've ever sent me.". >> So they just they just they just did. that. >> Yes. Through AI. It's not even a real. human being's voice. And it's [ __ ]. good, dude. It's good where you're like, "Whoa. Listen to this. It seems weird. hearing these lyrics with this kind of. singing, you know, because it's like.

hardcore gangster rap music, but with. Listen to this though. It's kind of. crazy that they're doing. >> many. wish death upon me. Blood in my dog and I can't see. [Music]. I'm trying to be. >> Wow. >> What I'm destined to be.

and [ __ ] trying to take my. life away. Damn. >> Woo. >> Ain't that great? >> It gets better. I put a hole in a [ __ ]. for [ __ ] with me. [Music]. My back on the wall. Now you going to. see.

[Music]. Better watch how you talk. when you talk about me. [Music]. cuz I'll come and take your life away. >> Great. How incredible. >> Nobody sings lyrics like that with those. kind of lyrics. It's gangster rap lyrics. with an incredible voice. >> It. ai is [ __ ] scary, man. >> That's so good.

>> If that was a dude, if that was a dude. who sang that, I was like, who's this. guy, right? >> You know, I'm like, this guy is. >> 5. That's the kind of stuff we're going. to be Yeah. But I mean, the first time I. heard about it was Randy Travis had a. song out and I love Randy Travis, so I. was like, >> he has a new album out. He's not doing. well. He can't, you know, he hasn't been. able to. >> That's right. They used AI, but that was. his decision, right? >> Yes. >> Yeah. I think he wrote the music. >> Yeah, I think he did. But it just, it. really blew me away. We had a whole. fight with my crew like it's AI. It's. not [ __ ] AI, it's AI. And then they.

came back and they said it right. But. >> the difference is like this is not a. real person's voice. It's probably a. conglomeration of multiple different. singers for at least I'm guessing. Is it. actually a guy? >> I don't know where this started, but I'm. looking at the one that I'm looking at. They are trying to sell this like it's a. a they tried to make it seem like 50. Cent covered this song from some guy. named Shifty Brent. >> Oh yeah, but they do that stuff. They. did that with the Chris Rock thing when. Chris Rock got slapped by Will Smith. They tried to pretend that it was an old. television show and they did an AI.

version of this old television show. where a guy goes on stage and slaps the. comedian. It's really funny. It's AI is. so squirly. >> Yeah. >> Um they're probably just trying to make. money. That's why they did it. But god. damn, it's. >> But the but the Randy Travis one you're. saying. >> it's his voice. I don't think so. >> No. No, it is. So what they do is like. it's my voice, too. Like they they use. AI with my There's a there's a whole. podcast with me and Steve Jobs. I never. met Steve Jobs. >> Oh god. >> There's a whole podcast that somebody. made with AI. AI because you have Steve. Jobs's voice and you have my voice.

Thousands and thousands of hours. Every. sound that I can make with my voice has. already been made. So all the computer. has to do. >> that. >> weird noises. >> Weird noises. Um but all the computer. has to do is just take a giant amount of. your noises and then apply it and then. apply it differently emotionally, slowly, somberly, angrily and you can. just put it all together. They had they. just had one with me something someone. it was like what the it was me doing.

something you know. >> do they do ransom phone calls where. people call people. I need money that's what it was it was. not it was said hey it's it's it's me. I'm listen if you could uh help me out I. need um and it was like I was broke and. I was down and out I needed money. >> and they these people stop sucking my. dick and we're in a desert. >> send money. >> yeah there's it's it's real weird. because it's super good now. And in the. beginning when we first started hearing. it, it was kind of obvious because the.

inflections were off like the way he. would say something like like the. inflections in that song was insane. You. know. >> that I'll take that I'll take your life. Watch how you're talking about me. I'll. take your life away. >> That's great. >> Oo, you hear like damn. So that means. that that we we associate with a a. soulful, incredibly creative person with. an amazing god-given talent of a voice, but it's not.

>> That's what's crazy. Like they nailed. it. Even though I know it's fake, I love. it. And you love it, too. Like we're. listening like this great, but we know. it's fake. That's kind of crazy. The. Randy Travis thing is different because. what they just did is he wrote it and. then he can't sing anymore. But they. have thousands of hours of him singing. singing. So they took. >> they take that and then just turned it. into him singing. So it is him singing. It's actually his voice. It's just not. coming out of his mouth. It's coming out. of technology, but it is his voice and.

it's his writing, >> right? So it's like. >> it really is a Randy Travis album. It's. just Randy Tra. Like you can enjoy. someone that can't do it anymore but is. still alive, >> right? Sure. >> You know, like that guy had so many. great songs, man. Oh my god. >> That guy has. >> I could go on forever and ever and ever. and ever and ever and ever. >> Well, you have to have. >> No, he's got so many I love. That was my. first uh big country. says Kenny Rogers. My dad would go to. see Kenny Rogers every goddamn every.

concert my dad went to was Kenny Rogers, right? Literally. That's hilarious. >> And then he goes, "Oh, we put the. headphones." No, I'm think I I'm off. because I I feel more animated. >> Yeah, there you go. >> The uh this is weird. So, we get He goes. to see Kenny Rogers and I'm I'm like 12. or something, 13. He says, "You want to. go?" So, my dad I said, "I'll go to. Kenny first concert, Kenny Rogers." It's. like huge. He was playing like arenas. It was him and Tammy Wette and it was. great. >> You got to know.

>> We ride all the hits. No. >> Yeah. And then second concert I go to. was Kenny Rogers, right? So I'm like, geez. All right. I don't think there's. anything else but Kenny Rogers. Right. Third time I go to this [ __ ] thing. I'm like, "Dad, is is can we go to like. Alabama? Can we go to another another. concert?" Because he loved Alabama. He. loved us. No, Kenny Rogers is So then I. meet Kenny Rogers in an elevator in LA. Like it's just the weirdest thing. Bing, doors open. And he get stand there. He.

gets on. I said I said, "Oh, man. I. don't bother. You're legend." He's like, "Thank you." I said, "You know the first. concert I ever went to?" He says, "Uh, I'm going to say me." I said, "Yep." He. said, "That's awesome." I said, "You. know the second concert I went to?" He. says, "Nope." I said, "You." He says, "Wow, that's awesome." I said, "Do you. want to the third?" He goes, "All right, [ __ ] off." He goes, "Fuck off. Where we. going with this?" I said, "My dad took. me to your concert three times in a. row." It was 10. He goes, "Well, you. have a you have a great dad." And I and.

then it was just kind of awkward. It was. just we're just I kind of ran out of. >> exactly what we were talking about. You. act weird in front of celebrities. >> and I did right and we're look I'm look. we're just looking at the numbers and. we're going up and finally I said oh you. know what you have great chicken and I'm. like what the [ __ ] I didn't know what. else to say and but he really did have. those great chicken roasters things and. that's what I said and he went like he. looked at me like [ __ ] I said no I and. the sides are great too. The the chicken. >> that that song the gambler. How many. people did that turn into gambling. junkies? >> Romanticized gambling. It made it seem.

so you got to know when to hold them. I. I do. I know when you got when I know. when to run. >> I know what I'm doing. I got. >> Didn't they made a make a TV movie about. that? >> Wasn't there like TV movie? >> Called the gam wasn't it called The. Gambler? >> I think there was a TV movie called The. Gambler. Yeah, >> I think so. >> We'll find out in seconds. Uh, >> yep. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. There's something about there's. something about music that was created. before the the internet. >> The Gambler. Here you go.

>> The Gambler. Look at him. >> What year is this? 1980. >> There's something about stuff that was. created before the internet that's so. fascinating. It's like an archaeological. dig, >> you know? Like this is like. >> Look at that. That's just great. >> That even looks great, doesn't it? It's. like you want to watch it. >> Can I see? Can I listen? Cuz it's like. an archaeological dig. Like you're. you're looking at the way people used to. behave and talk. >> before the internet,

>> right? >> You know, it's weird. >> It's like oddly fake, >> you know? It's like oddly like. >> interesting how you you analyze that. way. That's now I want to see what. you're talking about. >> Yeah. Like I'm being I'm an amateur. archaeologist here. This is a different time. Human beings. from 1980 were like a different thing. Everybody would just leave the house. Everyone had a key. No, nobody [ __ ]. Nobody knew where anybody was at any. given time. >> You left the house, you were gone. We.

didn't even have answering machines yet. >> No. Right. >> People were basically wild animals who. lived in houses. You're. >> right. We had. >> And they only knew how to behave from. movies and TV. Give me some of this. >> It's just playing the music. I could. >> Oh, is it still playing the music? >> Yeah. Oh, okay. Is this the theme song? >> Man, it's playing the song the game boy. >> I wanted Yeah, >> that's great. That's so funny. >> Look at even the way it looks. The way. it looks. It looks so cornball. It's. just kind of amazing,

>> you know? >> We just How about. >> people just kind of accepted. >> I love the fact that how you put it. There's there was there not even having. cell recall. >> Yeah. Answer. >> Answer machines. They were just gone. You were wild. People in 1980 were. essentially wild animals. They were wild. animals who had children. No one knew. what was going on in the world. Everybody was completely uninformed, >> right? Isn't. >> that great? >> It's crazy. We all worried that Russia. was going to blow us up. That was every. day. Everybody's worried about Russia. blowing us up.

>> and no one knew what was going on and. everybody lived in bliss. And you only. knew the people in your neighborhood. You didn't know anybody else. >> No, >> you didn't know like. >> true. >> people. There wasn't even one 100th of. the amount of famous people back then. There's a tiny amount of famous people. There was Elvis and a few other folks. There's a few rock stars, a few comics. There's like Richard Prior, >> right? >> TV shows that you find think, you know. >> Yeah, dude. Animals. We were Look at. Kenny Rogers.

>> These are wild animals that have just. been introduced to technology and. they're aping what it's like to be a. grown-up. >> Like, they're just figuring it out. And. now here we are. We're like the. teenagers. were the adolescence. >> of of civilization. So, we realize. that's kind of silly and everything. There's a but there's stuff from then. that's better than stuff that's today. for for whatever weird reason. There's. some music back then that hits you. because like you realize like how. special this really like Prince for.

instance like I remember the first time. I listened to Prince I listened to uh I. was delivering newspapers at the time. and I listened to I want to be your. lover and I was like who the [ __ ] is. this guy man? Like this guy was coming. out of nowhere. He was like. completely. uh androgynous like be he was a. beautiful man with his long flowing hair. and the first album is him with his. shirt off just staring at you like what. the [ __ ] is going on and then I want to.

be your lover. I heard that I was like. oh my god this guy's talented. >> But he was like out of nowhere talented. You know what I mean? Like who the [ __ ]. was like that guy before him, >> right? He was completely different than. anybody that had came before. >> The only one I think that would people. compare was Michael Jackson because of. the. >> He was very different too. >> Right. But that hit because because I. remember when Prince came out I'm like, "Oh, he's trying to be Michael Jackson. or No. Yeah, but he could he wasn't. He. was. >> What year is this? >> This is it. This is his first. performance.".

>> Oh, let me see this. >> Said 84 or something. >> Let me hear some of this. >> There you go. There's your song. Come. on, man. >> What a song. >> Look at him. >> No. Yeah, >> bro. >> You could take It's so funny this this. this video you if you took the sound off. this and you put in like Cinderella, it. would probably match his. >> his Aerosmith, but it looked how he's. doing it. But you can see this way. He's.

got you took the He looks like. he was so compelling. But all I ever wanted to do. >> I bet women were so confused why they. wanted to [ __ ] him. Like why do I want. to [ __ ] that woman? They wanted to [ __ ]. They did like he cracked the code. >> He figures something out. Like when. you're a 5'3 dude with insane amount of. talent and you're wearing stiletto heels. on stage and everybody wants to [ __ ] you.

cuz he was that [ __ ] talented. He was. that talented. And then it was also his. music was so wild. Like that song Head. >> I remember that song that was like what. year was Head? Was it like 86 or. something like that? Like what year was. that? >> My music. >> I know the thing. >> 80. >> Wow. Wow. 1980. So this was in before I. was in high school, son. This is before.

I was in high school. You had a song. about [ __ ] Yeah. >> Morning, noon, and night, I'll give you. a head. >> Yep. >> Till you burn it up head. Do you love. his red head? Love you till you're dead. Ow. >> You know, Prince people prince people. reached out to our our people one night. and asked if they could come to the show. when he was at the Rio. >> Whoa. >> And we said, "Well, [ __ ] yeah. What do. you mean? Of course we would." And they. said, "There's only one one caveat." I. said, "What's that?" He can't curse. >> Prince hates cursing. >> Yeah. >> For real. For real.

>> Well, yeah. Maybe he just wanted to [ __ ]. with you. How much power do I have? >> Yeah, I do tell Well, >> I don't think I want to hear swears. tonight. I was telling my my pe I said I. said, "Hold on a second. He's telling I. can't curse." I said, "Yeah, that's the. only thing." I said, "But I his he has a. song called Cream. Get off cream.". Right. And they're like, "Yeah." I'm. like, "No, I'm not going to change my. whole arm.". >> Oh. He became a devoted Jehovah's. Witness and as a result stopped using. profanity, even implementing a cash.

swear jar at his Paisley Park studio to. enforce his no swearing policy. >> Witnesses believe that using blasphemous. or foul language is a sin, and Prince. adhered to this tenant by removing swear. words from his music and charging people. for any foul language spoken at his. compound. Well, >> I'm already down like 200. I'm already. fine. 200 bucks today. I think. >> as much as I love that guy, I would not. visit him. I would be like, I can't do. that. That's what I said. That's what I. said. I said maybe I would maybe I visit. him once. Maybe I'd talk to him once. I.

would just like like if I'm going to go. talk to a priest, I'm not going to go. swear. You know what I mean? >> Right. >> I'm going to try to be nice. >> Yeah. >> But like at a certain point in time, like. >> I don't want to perpetuate this really. stupid idea that different sounds that. you make with your mouth are uniquely. offensive. It's what you're you're. saying. It's supposed to be a sound that. I make so you know what I'm thinking. And if you have words that you could. substitute for these thoughts that are.

if you have a thought that is only. expressed through [ __ ] you, >> right? >> Like we know what [ __ ] you means and. everybody says [ __ ] you. Do for you to. say that you can't say that anymore. You're manipulating language to make it. have less nuance. That's never good. >> Yeah. like it's already not nuanced. enough. Like it it still doesn't quite. grasp exactly what you're thinking or. what you're saying. And the worst case. scenario of it is when someone writes. down what you're saying instead of like.

hearing you say it in context with the. conversation that you're having. Right. >> Right. >> So it's like anybody who says don't use. certain words like stop being a baby. Stop being a baby. These are just noises. you make so that you we can understand. you. >> all that [ __ ] is nonsense. It's stupid. It's stupid. And it was mostly created. I think first of all on television right. television you had advertising and that. was the only place where there was.

advertising and so that was the only. place that had a proven audience but to. keep that proven audience on NBC and CBS. you had to institute laws where you're. you literally would get fined like a. serious amount of money if you swore on. TV. >> and then cable came ac along and. everybody you know Sam Kenisonson was on. HBO right Like and you're like, "What? This is way better." Like, "Why can't we. just talk?". >> But again, this is cave people. >> Kenisonson on HBO was 86, >> right? >> No one knew what the [ __ ] was going on,

dude. No one knew what the [ __ ] was. going on back then. >> Prior. It was just amazing. >> When I was a kid, I was at my friend. Jimmy Lawless's house and we watched. Eddie Murphy Delirious. I think we were. all like, what year was that? >> 80. >> I want to say I was 15 maybe. >> Delirious. 86. >> I want to say I was like 15 or 16. I. couldn't believe how funny it was. I was. like, "This is insane.". >> He's talking about the the the.

honeymooners [ __ ] each other in the. ass. What? >> Jackie Gleason is [ __ ] Ed Norton in. the ass. I've been looking at you like, "This is insane. How is this on TV?". >> 86. >> 83. >> 83. >> Yeah. >> Wow. >> Unbelievable. That I think. >> No, you're right. >> It makes me like 15. >> [ __ ] crazy. It was so good, dude. >> And it was new. It was like all of a. sudden you're see you're hearing someone.

just swearing on TV. >> Yeah. >> Like this is crazy. How am I even. watching this? >> Right. That's well it was that was a big. change in every because the cable. >> well cable and then VHS tapes where you. can go and like you could rent Delirious. and people would rent it. >> wasn't it too when we had to Right. >> Yeah. You go home and put it in get. popcorn out and go watch Delirious. people. >> Yeah. We were gave people. >> cave people. We were telling stories by. the fire. >> Yeah. Literally. Right.

>> Yeah. and then bear. him. like that. That was our form of. entertainment. >> It's so weird. You think back about. that? You keep bringing this up, but. isn't that weird cuz I'm about your age. and that we didn't have any we didn't. like you said, we didn't have an. answering machine. >> Yeah, we had nothing. >> We had nothing. >> We had nothing. I think we are the. perfect we're the perfect people to like. really understand the change that. society has gone through and how. spectacular that change is. >> because we we were there when there was.

none where there was nothing where. walkietalkies were crazy. >> That was huge. >> Somebody had a walkie-talkie. That was. nuts. You could you could talk to your. friend in the in your bedroom. You had. to be quiet. >> So good, >> bro. What's going on over there? Over. >> Yeah. Yeah. Right. cuz he has to like. reasonably close. >> Just pulled in over. >> It was the craziest thing in the world. You could talk at a walkie-talkie. >> or I knew a dude who had a CB in his. car. He would just have random. conversations to people. >> Bro, they would just start talking about. stuff. >> Breaker. >> Yeah. Breaker one night. What you up to?

Yeah. >> Yeah. And they would just have. conversations and people would meet. people. >> And like you said, the smoking the. bandit that was that that was that but. that that is the about the time you're. talking about too where they were we had. CBS but they're also like the cave men. They were just. >> Yeah. Yeah, it was it was it was. >> But you were the cool guy. If you had a. CB in your truck, >> if you had a CB in your truck, you were. cool. >> Didn't. Bert Reynolds have a CB in his Trans Am? >> Yeah, of course he did. >> Did he? Yeah. >> Yeah. He said, "Hey, hey, big uh what's.

up? We're going to pull over here and. feed the dog." And 104, good buddy. >> That is the ultimate cool guy. He's got. a walkie talkie in his Trans Am with a. cowboy hat on. >> [ __ ] right. That's my [ __ ]. >> By the way, that's it is one of my only. movies that I own on my iPod. >> Bro, it is another archaeological site. It's a dig. They've dug down to another. time of human beings where this is the. coolest guy in the world. A guy who runs. from the cops in a Trans Am with a. Firebird on the [ __ ] hood and he's.

talking on a CB with a cowboy hat on. >> I mean, this was the first movie that. >> like Greek theater. >> Yeah. First movie they broke the camera. The third What do you call that? Were. they looking? >> Oh, the third wall. >> Yeah, that was the first fourth wall. >> Fourth wall. Fourth wall. >> Fourth wall. Fourth wall. >> Fourth wall. Right when he's when he. first being chased. >> Yeah. Thank god J. >> He's going down the he's going he's he. he loses him in the alley in the very. beginning chase scene and he's going. like he's backing in like this and he.

looks at the camera. He goes it's like. that was [ __ ] awesome. Like he just. he just gave that look and went, >> "Oh, Bert Reynolds had so much charisma. He was so good. [ __ ] sheriff. I mean, god damn it. How great is that whole? >> You know what really great? >> Give me a dabble sandwich and a Dr. Pepper made quick. I'm in a goddamn. hurry. Where are you at? Who's chasing. you? No one's chasing me. I'm Sheriff. Ber. >> No one's chasing me. >> You stay here and you you think about. it, but don't do it.

>> Yeah. >> His kids on the car, >> dude. Jackie Gleason was amazing in. that. >> That's an attention getter. >> Yeah. >> He was so good at that. He's. >> That's called an intention getter. >> Do you remember um Bert Reynolds in. Deliverance? >> Oh, yeah. Absolutely. >> That was That was an insane role. Crazy. >> That was an insane role. That was when. you get to see him as an actual actor. >> You're like, "Oh, this guy was good. He. was a good actor." You know what I mean? Like it wasn't just Smokeoky in the. Band-Aid. The guy having a good time, super charming, great mustache, smiling.

at the camera. He was fun, man. Like in. Deliverance, man. It was like right out. of him uh right when he was done playing. football. >> Yep. >> Oh, that's right. He kills a guy with a. bow, doesn't he? >> Crazy movie. >> Yeah, man. It was a good movie. That was. a good movie. That was. >> I got to meet him. He was cool as hell. >> That's a very intense pie fight. >> You had a pie fight with Bert Reynolds. >> No, I was on the Tonight Show. Bert. Reynold, this is crazy. Bert Reynolds. was a G was the lead guest. He came out. and talked about being married like nine.

times. Mark Summers who who hosted the. um. game show, whatever it was, Mark. Summers, he came out. and Bert's moves down to the second. chair and and Mark here's Jay and he's. he he puts his back to Bert and he. starts telling him, you know, um. you know, something being, you know, I've only been married once and Bert's. over there, you know, kind of getting a. little first he's got his back to him. Then he he takes the cup, the mug, and.

he says he went to take it. He says, "Is. this mine?" He says, "He [ __ ] I don't. give a shit." And he says, 'Well, you've. been married five times. I don't want. to. He was trying to be funny. Like, I. don't drink after you've been married. five times. They kind of hurt. They got. Oh, here it is. Now, here's the best. part. I'm Watch. >> Whoa. >> Oh, no. This is real [ __ ] I'm I'm a. guest. I'm going to I'm getting. >> They threw a drink on him. >> Yeah. >> Was this planned? >> No. >> No. No. >> And who's the other dude? >> Mark Summers. And who's Mark Summers? >> He's the host of Double Dare.

>> Double Dare. Thank you. >> Nickelodeon stuff. >> Now watch. Now watch how angry Bert. Watch. He's Look, watch him. Watch. He's. They didn't have this plan, by the way. >> Oh, >> but Bert hits him hard. >> Yo, that hurt. >> Look at the torque he got in that right. hand. I want you to watch this again, >> bro. He got hip into that. >> No, he was [ __ ] right. At the end, if. you watch it, he'll go, "Hey, Kerat will.

be here tomorrow night.". >> At the end, >> let's look look at this frame by frame. >> Well, he's a [ __ ] football player, too. Look at. >> Bro, bro, he clocked that dude. Look at. his face. Look at that freeze frame. That guy should be ashamed of that look. for the rest of his life. >> How dare you? How dare that face right. there. Scary. >> Yeah. If I was friends with that dude, I'd be like, "No, you're not going to do. that. >> He's going to hit he's going to kill. you, bro." The Look at that torque you. got in there. >> Oh, Well, I say you football player, >> bro. That was like. >> And I'm backstage going on. They're.

like, "No, we're going to we're going to. be we're going to cut you.". >> Actually, I just want to say that guy's. got a great chin. >> Had fun. He's smiling. >> Yeah, he better smile. He just got. bitched. >> He took a great shot. I want to say. >> he says, "We'll be right back with No, tomorrow Karen down here." [ __ ] [ __ ]. >> We'll be right back. We'll be right. back. >> That was Salt and Pepper Jay. Yeah, >> another guy took way too much [ __ ]. >> They gave him so so much of a hard time. It's just like when Larry Holmes became.

the heavyweight champion of the world. after Muhammad Ali, everybody hated. Larry Holmes. >> When Jay Leno took over after Johnny. Carson, there's a bunch of people. He. got he got a lot of grief from no reason. cuz they would put on great shows, too. >> Super nice guy. >> The writing was great. The shows were. great. No, >> I always had a good time talking to him. He's always a nice guy. >> Yeah, >> he's a nice guy. And like what he should. have been doing all along is really what. he's doing now is his car shows, >> right? >> Cuz like that guy, if you talk to him. about cars, he's so entertaining. He.

loves cars. Like that he loves them. I. mean, he knows more about cars probably. than anybody I've ever met in my life. He's got an insane collection and he. likes. >> everything. He likes dots. He's got a. fire truck. >> Yep. Yep. Yep. He's just jet bike. a. genuine fan of automobiles and the way. he talks about is so entertaining. >> Yeah. No, >> because that's really what he wants to. do. >> And he's also crazy, right? Because he's. he's he's um unstoppable. So he he he.

fell off that cliff or whatever the [ __ ]. it was, right? You heard about this. >> What happened to him? >> I just talked to him in Vegas. He went. and went and saw him and I said, "How. you doing?" And he goes, you know, I. said, you could still see like a, you. know, was a little bit of bruising. because it it was it was about two weeks. after he he'd had the fall. >> Oh, Jesus. He was out and about two. weeks later. >> What do you mean? He did the show that. night. >> What? >> Yes. He fell. >> Did he get a concussion? >> He said he how he says he says he there. was a you know golden corral next to the. you know Lita. My I said first thing I.

said to him I said are you okay? I said. my question what the [ __ ] are you saying. at Lintita? And he goes, "Ah, you know, we all can't have the four E in the. end." I said, "No, but really what what. what happened?" He said, "He went out. any of this money.". >> He walked out of the Lita and he it was. a little hill like not even like a hill. >> He went hiking. >> He went hiking. >> with like slippery shoes on probably. >> He said, "The golden crown. He's. probably wearing dress shoes. I'm going. to go around, right?" And his denim and. so he went he just it looked it was a. little deeper than he thought and he.

slip fell. >> and hit his eye, you know, right in the. thing where it's bad. So he went into. got his golden crow. You there you J. and a thank went got his food went to. the club and went on stage bleeding. >> That's so crazy. >> And I said what do you mean? I said. what? He said what do you mean. >> the show must go on. >> He said he he just I just held you know. the mic with his hand. How about Mary. Guy? I got married guy in the crowd. And. I'm like I it's just amazing to me. I. trip my nail. I'd cancel. He told this.

insane show uh an insane story rather of. a show that he have had to do with the a. priest and a mob guy where the mob guy. was yelling at the priest and swearing. and Jay's like yelling and swearing like. doing the same like saying what the mob. guy said. I was like seeing Jay Leno. talk like that was like what. >> right. he was talking like that. This is. >> you can't see him say dang yeah dang you. know dang dang it. Man, what are you. going to do? >> That's crazy. >> Oh, yeah. He was doing this like super.

hyper violent Italian mob guy like. screaming obscenities at this priest and. Jay Leno was yelling it out. It's a. [ __ ] amazing story. >> And was it a show? >> Yeah, it was a show that he was doing. like, you know, before he made it. >> It was like back in the day he did some. sort of a show where, you know, I think. it was like a benefit or something like. that where there was a priest involved. and then the mob guy got mad at the. priest and was yelling at him. It's a. [ __ ] hilarious story. >> But that guy doesn't spend any of his. Tonight Show money. >> Yeah. >> He lives all entirely off his stand up.

money. >> Stand up. Yep. >> Which is crazy, >> right? >> So he's just stockpiling it all at the. Linta in. >> Linta. That's right. >> Someone needs to tell him like money's. fun coupons. You shouldn't be just. scrolling away. >> Have fun with them. Have fun with them. But people that started out poor, which. is like basically most comics, once you. start making money, it's hard to believe. that you're ever going to keep making. money. You start panicking, you're like. going, "Oh my god, I got to save this.". >> Yeah. >> I got to save it. >> Yep. >> And then if you carry that into your 70s.

and 80s, somebody should sit you down. and have a talk with you like, "Yeah, >> I'm your financial adviser and now's the. time to go crazy.". >> Yeah. You're you're good. >> You should be looking into cocaine. >> You should you should probably buy more. cars. Like, let's spend some of this. >> That's your final ad. I think you should. start spending [ __ ]. >> as your advisor. >> Let's find a drug habit. Let's get you. in a drug. Let's get you in a nice car. >> Yeah, let's do something. >> You need to start buying stuff. You. should uh you should have way more cars. >> That's great. You're right. Certainly. >> What are you saving up for, bro? This is.

the end times. This is it. >> Yeah, because I don't Yeah, I don't. family, you know, that it's like I know. a lot of people that have a lot of kids. and a lot of that you save up for them, but. >> but even them like giving kids a ton of. money. Giving kids a ton of money is not. necessarily good for them. No. >> Like if you look historically at people. that got trust funds, it's it's a weird. road to go down and not have any. ambition or not have to have any.

ambition. Maybe you do have it like. inherently, but for a lot of them, it's. like they don't have to make it. They. don't have and I think that's. unfortunately in this society that we. live in that doesn't seem to work. Like. in this society, it's very difficult to. not be self- sustainable, not be able to. take care of yourself. And if you can't. take care of yourself, >> you got to kind of learn how to do it. You can't just be constantly relying on. other people because I think it hinders. your growth as a person. >> Oh, absolutely.

>> You know what I mean? I think it like. [ __ ] with you. Like every guy that I've. ever met that comes from a family that. like gives them t not every guy, but a. lot of guys that I've met that come I've. met some cool ones. They come from a. family with a lot of money and they've. never had to worry and they have trust. funds and they never really a had a job. They're all weird. >> Yep. >> They're all weird. >> It's like cement that didn't get the. amount of water that it needs when. you're mixing it. It's always. >> like weird. >> Yeah. >> It seems like weird. I know too. Every. comic artist whatever they're all their.

stories are the same that they came from. nothing and that's in but if you think. about it almost every comic and artist I. know they they weren't they didn't have. money. >> Yeah. But it's not mutually exclusive. >> No. No. Right. >> Right. It's not. There are people that. have come from great families and great. backgrounds that just happen to be. funny. >> Right. >> It's a weird thing, man. Like talent is. an odd thing. >> Really is a very weird thing. Like. there's certain universal truths like. you're going to find more talent.

probably in in harder communities. like. you're going to have better rock and. roll in like the the dingy [ __ ]. outskirts of town. Like those guys are. going to be nirvana, right? >> But I love hearing like a Billy Joel. story where where you can relate to it. like you know I started cutting lawns at. 8 years old. I'm like I said I started. cutting lawns at 8 years old, you know, I literally and you nowadays no kid kids. don't do any and I'm like yeah I did. that. I I I. >> Billy Joed office buildings and I did.

everything, you know, most card. He was. a boxer. >> Yeah, Billy Joel was a boxer. Yeah, >> I did not know that. [ __ ]. >> I don't know how many fights that he. had. I think he lost. >> Are you being funny? Really? Billy Joel. was a boxer. >> Billy Billy Joel was a boxer. Yeah, >> I did not know that. >> Yeah, I think he was good. I think he. was pretty good. I mean, I think it was. like good amateur level. >> 22 and two. >> 22 and two. >> Really? Gosh, >> I don't know. I didn't know that. >> Was that professional? >> Golden gloves. >> Golden gloves. So, amateur level. So, >> I didn't know that. >> Yeah, legit boxer.

>> I just know that you broke. Ah, did not. know that. No, >> he's a guy whose music changed. radically. Like if you go back and. listen to Captain Jack. >> Y, >> it like from Captain Jack to Uptown. Girl. Like, oh, >> you know, it's like you like it's great. music. It was a huge hit, but it's a. different vibe. It's like a guy who's in. love now and he's got a supermodel for a. wife and he's worth a billion dollars. Yeah, it's like Captain Jack was this. gritty long story was like [ __ ] that's a. good song. >> That's a great song.

>> But you're right. You can see, you know, how their their life changes and their. music changes. So, like you said, now. he's got a you know, uptown girl, got. money, I got, you know. >> You ever heard the song Billy the Kid? >> Uh, yeah. >> He's got he's got some great [ __ ]. songs. Well, the one that that special I. just saw was Was it. >> Wasn't it Billy the Kid? Is that the. name of that song? >> It's a great one that got me on the. Entertainer. I thought that was.

interesting because it was ripping on. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> It was ripping on Show Business. >> The Battle Billy. That is a great. [ __ ] song. >> My parents had that album on vinyl when. I was a kid. I listened to What year was. that? >> 73. >> 73, son. I listened to that and I was. like like this is again this is an. archaeological dig, you know, you're. like going to like the the beginnings of. certain genres of music and certain. kinds of music. >> and back then that's how you got it. You.

heard it on the radio and you went out. and bought an album and you sat down. >> Yeah. and looked at it and the needle. goes over the thing, >> read the paper and you know. >> Yeah. weird. But the entertainment one. was interesting because he they the. record label had asked him to come up. with a a hit. >> Uhhuh. >> And you know that. >> Oh, that's why he wrote it that way. >> No, I don't know. They just it was just. on it. I just watched I remember exactly. how it went down, but he said, "Yeah, you know, they were they were saying.

they're going to they need a hit off. this album and to make this big hit.". So, he he wrote that and when they he. played it to them, they're like, "Fuck. you. We're getting rid of you." So, they. they got rid of them. the label dropped. him cuz he's. >> it's all about that and they get the. money then they take all your money and. and where they don't care about you and. and I'm like that's ballsy right they. want to hit you you basically say how. much you know like the Luxer say it's 20. years. >> could you do something special for me I. have this big roasting how horrible the.

Luxer is and how much they you know it. just [ __ ] they're like what. >> it was a real album like a real song and. they were like no you're done. >> they should have just took it on the. chin look the guy became huge that. stupid. We'll see. >> You [ __ ] dumb asses. You You got rid. of him. >> Now they say that. >> you got rid of him. He sold a billion. albums. >> Now they're down. >> Yeah. He's got some great [ __ ] just the. piano man. The piano man. >> alone. That one song alone is right. >> Oh, how about scenes from an Italian. restaurant. >> All right. >> Oh my god. That is a fantastic song. And.

it's another it's a story. It's a story. of people's lives, >> you know, and it's it's relatable. It's. like it's real. It's raw. It's, you. know, again, it's like a window into. >> a bottle of red, right? Bottle. No. And. I always used to make a joke about that. my show. Bottle of red. >> And it says bottles of white. So. apparently he didn't like red as much as. whites. He has plural in the He said. bottle of red. >> Bottles of white. >> Does he say that? >> Yeah. And I'm like, "Oh, he he must have. had he liked more white wine than that's.

how I've pick up shit." Are you sure. that's the lyrics or did you just say. >> No, I think I think No, no, I think it. says bottle of red. Bottles of white. You now we got to look it up. >> I thought he said a bottle of white. Whatever kind of mood you're in today. >> Oh, [ __ ] I don't know. I think. >> you anytime you want to maybe I I could. be wrong. [ __ ]. >> No, that is a great [ __ ] song. That's. a great song. >> Song bottle of red. >> It's just. bottle of whites. You're right. A bottle. of whites. Interesting. See, I knew it.

was something. It's still a bottle. >> It's a bottles of white, right? >> That's a weird way to write. A bottle of. whites. >> It could be It's wine. So, it could be. multiple kinds of white wine in one. bottle. >> Look at Jamie getting technical. >> I mean, what I'm trying to say blend. that would be a bottle of whites. >> So, I was on to something there, right? Cuz I used to sing it and go, why is he. saying that? >> Isn't that funny that some people don't. like their grapes mixed? Don't you dare. serve me a blend. Some people don't want. a blend. Is that a blend of a Cabernet.

and a Merllo? Are you [ __ ] high? >> That's certainly a goddamn blend. >> I don't want Chardonnay. >> How weird are people? >> I'm going to give you a little bit of. this bird and a little bit of that bird. Okay. >> People are so weird to blend. >> people that like get super down with. wine. I got a I got a buddy who's a wine. a like a legit wine connoisseur. My. buddy Matt. So I I could call him up out. of nowhere. Like I'd be at a restaurant. and I'd send him a picture of the wine. list. Tell me what to get. And he would. like look at it for like three seconds.

and be like, "This is great. What are. you guys eating? Steak. >> Get this." And he would tell you how to. do it. But. >> um he got scammed. Well, he didn't get. scammed, but there was a guy that he was. friends with that was a gigantic. scammer. >> And uh I don't think this guy ever got. him, but what this guy was doing was. they were all these wine connoisseurs. And this guy was selling really rare. wine that was counterfeit. It was fake. So he had infiltrated this thing, this. like wine group, and he was a con man.

And what he was doing was taking a bunch. of different wines and mixing them and. then trying to sell it as this like 1970. impossible bottle from Bordeaux, right? Like so he would age the paper on the. bottles and [ __ ] like and they raided. his house. They found empty bottles. everywhere and he he was taking labels. off of things and copy them and printing. them and. >> I have that with uh lube. >> They do. >> You got to get the real stuff. It's. hard. You got to get it from Portugal.

>> They raid my house. Jesus Christ. >> But this uh this documentary highlighted. in my eyes, at least for some of those. people, that it's kind of [ __ ] Like. all this you you think you know the. difference between really good old wine, but this guy just tricked you. Yeah. And. he tricked a lot of them. Couple guys he. didn't trick. There was one guy in. particular. This guy the guy was like, "This is. >> Yeah. One guy was like, "This is trash.". But the other guy was just raving about. it. All a sudden his opinion he. questioned like, "What? I just thought. this was great. I thought it was great.".

He's like, "No, this is terrible. Terrible. It's a scissor.". >> That's crazy. What was the wine movie. that I that that What was the the wine? >> Well, this was a wine documentary called. >> No, I'm trying to think of the guy who. said no more [ __ ] Merllo. What was. that? Oh yes, that one. What was that? >> Sideways. >> That's right. That's right. >> That guy came to my show. >> Freaking [ __ ] Merllo. >> That guy came to my show u he's a. brilliantly nice, sweet guy. Like that's. awesome. Great guy. >> Just like in the movie. He's just so. nice. And he came with uh um Kieran.

Kulkin McCully Kulkin's brother. >> He's great in succession. >> Great. They they were filming a Audi. commercial or something. >> What was that guy's name again? Uh um. >> yeah Paul G so he come back. >> he's amazing in everything. >> I said could would you could you would. no they want a drink and want a drink. and they're like yeah I'll take whatever. you got we have a whole bar. I said you. want to I said you want to you want a. Merllo I'm going to have a Merllo and. just his face he was so funny. He's like.

are like I just said it but I didn't say. like I was trying to be funny. I said we. have this we have we have Malo and he's. like I said oh I'm just [ __ ] he said. no. Oh, and so we did a video together. I said trying to think if I find. somebody I could find to share Malo. with. It pans over to him. He's like, "Not in [ __ ] hell." It was just It. was such a great He's such a great guy. They say. >> he was great in that Howard Stern movie. >> He was, wasn't he? Yeah. Private. >> NBC. Yeah.

>> Yeah. He was really good in that. I'm. saying it. WNBC. No. WNBC. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. He's a good good guy on top of. that. Great guy. Merllo. >> Merllo got a bad name after that movie. If I was in the Merllo business, I would. have been furious. >> Yeah, no doubt. >> These [ __ ] they're downplaying. Merllo. >> Well, >> I always like Merllo and then all of a. sudden I had a shady opinion of it. >> Yeah. >> Well, they did that with me on South. Park, you know. I said I was junk. I'm. like, [ __ ] You know, the. >> in a roundabout way, you know, >> South Park. >> they were do they everyone's parodyied.

me and it's always been something stupid. like. >> it's just amazing. Indian casino and it. said like carrot scalp, you know, tonight playing at the show. >> Who says that? >> Like it was in like Simpsons or Family. Guy. >> Just for jokes. >> Just for jokes. >> South Park has been around longer than. anything ever that's still good. >> Yeah. >> Like how do they do it? >> I don't know. >> Brilliant. >> I It's just weird that they're still so. on top of it. It's It's They're so. driven to like still push the boundaries.

and make it really funny. >> Yeah. And it's been going on since I was. saying my god how many years? >> Like the first video I think was 95 or. 96 or something like that. The one that. they were passing around the VHS one. with Brian Bano. >> Yeah. >> What year was that? >> I think it was 95 or 95 or 96. >> because I remember people on news radio. were passing it around. and we were like, "What the [ __ ] is. this? This is crazy.".

>> 95. >> 95. Yeah. Everybody was passing around. We're like, "This is insanity. This is. so insane.". >> And it I don't think it had a home yet. I don't think it was on Comedy Central. yet. >> First one they made was a 92. >> Whoa. >> Which one was that? >> Which one was that? >> Trying to see which it says. >> Which is the Brian Boyano? Which would. Brian Boyano do? >> That wasn't enough. >> That's what we Everybody would say. We'd. be walking around the news radio set. going, "What would Brian Boyano do?".

>> And it's [ __ ] Jesus is there. And. it's just it's so ridiculous. >> That was actually in their first movie. in 99. which that came quick. >> The Brian Bunnano thing was. >> that was in the movie South Park bigger. longer Uncut. >> Really? >> Mhm. >> So what was the 95 one or the 94 one? >> Uh so they made fun of Brian Banano in. The Spirit of Christmas. >> So that came out in 99. So I I wasn't. that was like the last year of news. radio. I don't even know if I have a.

false memory now. >> Huh. What? Uh, >> that was the one that was Jesus's for. Santa fighting. >> That's the knife. That's the first one. >> Yeah. >> There's no Brian Banano in that one. >> He says, "What would Brian Banano do in. that?" But that's not the song isn't. until later. >> Oh, right. But that's what when he says. the line itself, >> I thought it was going crazy. Hilarious. still. >> I thought I had a fake memory. >> Says, "Yeah, Stan Marsh says to Cartman, what would Brian Botano do? Does Jesus. battle Santa?

>> That's right. Okay. You had you thought. you had me thinking I was crazy. >> Oh, the song was way bigger than. >> Right. But the show went where he says. it. It was on the show. So that was the. ver I was like, am I losing my [ __ ]. mind? Like no, I know it was on the. first one. But it was just so uh. groundbreaking. And what and the. brilliance of it was that you don't have. to have it look realistic. So you can. get away with so much more. Like when. when he stuffs uh what's her face up his. ass? Who did he uh. >> Paris Hilton? >> Paris Hilton. Right. When he had a [ __ ].

off. >> and stuffs Paris Hilton up his ass. It's. like you can do that if it doesn't look. real, >> right? >> Like if it's like super realistic and. 3D, you can't do that. It has to look. like Southpar. >> Yeah. >> They can get away with so much. They can. kill kids. >> They kill Kenny every week. Nobody. complains. >> Yep. >> Poor [ __ ] dies every week. No. It's. like. >> imagine if this is like a graphic. >> 3D video, you know, that looks hyper. realistic. You couldn't do it. It has to.

look like complete nonsense and then. we'll let you get away with almost. anything. >> That's probably how they how they sold. it that way. >> Well, if you think about it, >> how they bought it that way. >> It's there's like levels of realism that. will will allow you to get away with. more if it's like less realistic, right? Like that's why we used to allow like. Roadrunner. >> like and you know Wy Coyote and. Roadrunner would like drop dynamite on. him. >> [ __ ] was always happening. >> He was always getting [ __ ] up.

>> That was okay because it was cartoons, right? But you couldn't have blood. like blood all over the place. But if. you make them look so goofy that they're. their head's just a big circle and they. have like a little stick on, then you. can have blood all over the place and. nobody complains. >> Exactly. Weird, right? It's kind of. weird. It's like the less realistic, but. we know what it is. They killed a kid. We're like, "You killed Kenny, you. bastards." And no one has a problem with. it, >> which is cuz it's unrealistic. It's kind. of weird, right?

>> I think it's exactly how you put it. It's just unrealistic. >> It's a perfect cheat code. >> It makes everything more funny because. you never feel guilty laughing, >> you know, no matter what. When Cartman. was in bed with Sodom Hussein or when. Satan rather was in bed, not. >> Cartman. There's just so many scenes where you're. like, there's no way to do this unless. you have cartoons. It's brilliant. >> Because you you wouldn't never be able. to get away with it. >> No. >> Like the one where they skirted around. drawing Muhammad. >> They kind of skirted around. They never. drew him. They like drew the There was.

There's like a There's a truck and he's. inside the truck in a bear suit. >> Yeah. >> You can do things in cartoons that you. just can't do in any other realm. It's. it's a perfect medium for comedy. >> And you can keep the kids young forever, >> right? >> You know, they're always going to be in. high school. Like, nobody questions the. fact they've been in high school for 40. years, >> right? No, >> it's just it's just they're in high. school. That's how it goes. >> That's true. >> They don't have to grow up. Shut the. [ __ ] up. Why are they Why do they have. to grow up? >> See, if they made Now, what if they did.

make a cartoon where they aged? >> Wouldn't they funny? They're like, "God. damn." No, you would have seen they. always look good. >> It'll be sad. Car would be a [ __ ]. loser in a trailer park. It's fun when. he's the way he is now and he's like a. little kid. It's fun. >> I like throwing hissy fits. It's fun. because he's still a little kid, >> you know? You don't want to There's. certain people you don't want to see. them when they get full grown or when. they're over the other side of it, >> right? >> When things the wheels start falling. off. >> Yeah. >> You know,

>> that's what I mean though. For the. special their end episode, they should. do it. >> Yes. >> When it's all done, this is the final. they're all aged and that they he. doesn't have the voice quite still. >> What they should do is do a 3D uh like. like hyperrealistic version of the show. Like just do it all through AI for the. last episode and just. >> have it the most violent, most. ridiculous. >> And see how people deal with like, bro, this is exactly what we've been showing. you for 40 years. >> That will be uh hit.

>> They wouldn't be allowed to. >> Coffee. >> Yeah. Have some daddy. >> I like coffee. Oh, thanks. Thank you. >> All right. >> Cheers, sir. >> All right. Cheers to you. Bomb bomb. Thank you for having me. >> My pleasure. >> I'm looking forward to seeing you on Kil. Tony, too. That's going to be really. fun. >> Yeah, that's fun. I, you know, last time. I done last time did it once. Um, >> did you do it at the club or did you do. it at a big place? At the club. >> At the club. Nice. Yeah, >> it was fun and it was loud and intimate. and and the it was just, you know, I.

told him before I did, I said, "I'm not. into. critiquing uh people cuz I've been [ __ ]. on my whole career. I don't want to I. don't want to tell these comments what. they're doing right or wrong coming from. me really." He said, "No, no, no. That's. not how it works. You just play just be. you. Just be yourself." And it was great. because I could just, you know, if there. was something specific that I thought. was kind of wrong or off, I could say it. in a, you know, very nice way. But most. of them were, they're good. These guys. come out and they got their minutes,

they pop them out. You of course you see. a couple, right? You know, the first 10. seconds in, you're like, okay, it's. already not funny, you know, where. they're or they're just so nervous. They're just you can see the mic. shaking, you know. Um, but some would have really quality. written jokes. >> Oh yeah, there's a lot of funny people. out there. And there's also because of. Kill Tony, people realize that if they. can put together a minute, it can change. their whole [ __ ] life. >> Your whole [ __ ] life. Look at Cam.

Patterson just got on Saturday Night. Live. >> Yeah. >> I mean, look at these guys. They're. killing it. >> Unbelievable. >> William Montgomery is killing it. You. know, >> there was a couple there out that night. that they were really good. >> Yeah. And I think Tony tapped me under. the chair at one point. This next guy, you know, he came out and I was like, "Holy [ __ ] he was solid.". >> Yeah. Ari, there's a lot of these guys that do that. show, they do one minute and then they. go, "We'd love to have you back." And. then they come back, they do another. minute, the crowd remembers them from.

the old show. >> All a sudden they have like 25,000. Instagram followers, then it's 100, then. it's 150. Like things start rolling. It's like, "Oh, you have a real pathway. if you work hard. If you really [ __ ]. focus and really just really dial it in, really work on your material, really. work, do as many sets around town as you. can, you might be able to do this for a. living. And if you can, it's the. greatest [ __ ] job in the world. >> So, >> there's already a couple that I've been. watching. They are they're. >> There's more now than ever before. It.

used to be it was like there was a bunch. of like bad people and every now and. then someone would come on with promise. Now, it seems to me to be more slanted. towards people that are good. It's like. a high level or high percentage rather. of people that. >> I thought I was there. They were really. good. >> Yeah, a lot of them are really good and. it's again there's a pathway and. >> there was one that came out and I said. and he it was kind of funny how he he. the microphone was up high because the. guy before him was like 6'5 or. something. This guy comes out, he's like.

4 feet. So, it's already funny because. they bring him out and he he goes to. grab the mic and he just he takes it and. puts it behind him and takes the mic and. goes into his bed and I'm like, "So, I. got all done." He said, "Um, he how I said that was great." I said, "The only thing I would have done in the. beginning, you already had a laugh. The. microphone was, you know, so reference. it. At least reference it. Don't you. don't have to do a thing." He said, he. goes, "Yeah, that that'd be a prop." And.

I said, "No, it's already a [ __ ]. prop. It's not. You didn't bring it. You. didn't make it. It's there. It's a prop. that's usable. Every comic uses it for. the, you know, everything from a guitar. to for change on the beach. Every comic. is down there." Everybody. >> So, I said, "No, no, no. You don't have. to make a prop joke." I said, "Just. reference it. You should at least. reference it like like this is already. not going well. You something." And cuz. the crowd was waiting for something and. he didn't do it. And then after the. show, he said, "I'm going to use that.

That's good." I said, "Well, you have to. follow a tall guy every time for it to. work.". >> Yeah. Don't set the microphone really. high for my first. >> That's why that's what I said. >> Yeah. >> It only worked because it was improb It. happened, >> right? >> And then he goes and I told him that. I. said, "You don't do it unless it. happens. You don't want to have it set. that way, right?" And it's dumb. Well, I. think for some people they don't know. how to start, you know, and they're. doing something like that and it's the. >> Well, the starting is hard for every I. mean, >> it's not just that. It's like this. overwhelming anxiety. You have one.

minute and you can't believe you're on a. stage in front of this like a lot of. them. It's their first show. Some of. them first show Madison Square Garden. >> Oh Jesus. Yeah. >> Imagine first time on stage. >> Madison Square Garden and you're. bombing. >> Oh man, I didn't know. So they do they. do that same format with the with. Madison Square Garden. >> Uh-huh. And it's 100% random. People. have tried to get people on. >> And Tony won't do it. He's like, "No, no, no. That's not how it works." No. What we do is we Everybody just signs up. and I reach into that bucket and I pull.

out names. >> and you can't rig it. You can't rig it. >> And so, >> well, I knew that part of it, but I. didn't know they did it in Madison. Square Garden. >> They do it that way everywhere in. Madison Square. Well, one thing they do. in Madison Square Garden is they have. like a legends bucket. So they have a. bunch of people backstage like Jim. Norton, you know, um Big Jay Oerson, a. lot a lot of people did it. >> when I was there, David Tel, >> and then they pull it out and then David. Tell come up and do a minute of stand up. and everybody goes crazy or do five. minutes or whatever. But he he makes it.

so that even if someone is terrible for. the first time, it's only a minute. >> And then you have Shane Gillis, right? And whoever else is next to him making. fun of it for, you know, the next 15, 20. minutes. It's going to be [ __ ]. hilarious. And. >> it's also you get to see like, oh, this. is a crazy thing to do. Like this this. idea, you're just going to stand up in. front of people and talk and hopefully. it'll be entertaining. >> Yeah. Right. straight and sometimes it. just goes horribly wrong and everybody's.

like you're like. >> Yeah. Oh god. Yeah, I know. They're not always there. Everyone was. pretty cordial, but but I could see it. going back. >> Well, those New Yorkers don't [ __ ]. around, man. If you start you start. bombing a little bit, they smell blood. >> Yeah. No, I did I did a uh a um my very. first time ever in New York City. It was. at Catch a Rising Star. It was, you. know, old old school club. I go there. and I had it was like it was pouring. down rain or it was snowing sleepy snow.

rain. I I remember I took my trunk in a. taxi and I I I never been to New York. City in a club and I go in there's like. eight people and oh [ __ ] And so the. guy's like, you know, what do you bring. me up? And I I wheel my [ __ ] up. I go. I don't It's not even bombing. It's. worse than bombing. It's just like never. have nothing from a laugh. Nothing. >> really. >> Yeah. And I'm doing like my a [ __ ] you. know, literally. I promise to god. I.

mean, I'm got like, you know, the ice. tray with the level so you don't put, you know, and it kills everywhere, you. know. Nothing. [ __ ] nothing. And I. just go, "All right." Um, I So, I think. my opening line was, "I have more props. than people." Which I did. So, that got. a little laugh, but not even. Right. Said, "Gee, I've got more props than. [ __ ] people here." Nothing. I get. done. I I don't even know what to do. I'm shaking. so bad. I and they they. said just just just there was no comic. so I just went all right enjoy the next. comic and I I put the I had my own mic.

on a thing because I had to Anyway, I'm. like just tearful walking I just didn't. I was going to leave this [ __ ] I'm. going to get out of business, right? Am. I going to go into comedy? This guy walks by. He goes uh he goes um. no uh leave your [ __ ] there. It's good. and he goes up and he like you said. murders you know just absolutely murders. eight people it was like a stadium of. people laughing and I'm like watching. this I'm like holy [ __ ] it was Dennis.

Liry. >> oh. >> and he I mean leveled eight people. I couldn't believe it and I walked off. and he we walked off and he said um hey. man I said that was unbelievable no that. [ __ ] that [ __ ] your shit's [ __ ]. amazing but the thing with Uh, he was. serious. He said that whatever the, you. know, cowboy boot with the kickstand, [ __ ] that's great. Whatever it was I. was doing. And I'm like, was he like. [ __ ] with me? Because I ate [ __ ] And. he was just, no, but I've never gotten.

to tell him that again. If Dennis Lur. watches this show, that was the most. coolest thing a comic ever did to me. Just gave me a big hug. Said, "They you. were [ __ ] great. They That crowd. suck." I said, "The crowd didn't suck. You just murdered them. They didn't like. me." Well, that's a small You were. great. You were great. >> Eight people. You're bombing in front of. eight people. It's pretty easy to bomb. in front of eight people. >> It was horrible. >> It happens. That was one of the great. things about the store is that you would. get those eight people crowds sometimes. The early days of the store, you could.

you would go up, you know, if you got. like 11:30 spot on a Tuesday night, you. might go up in front of eight people. It. can happen. Yeah. Because you probably. won't really get on at 11:30 because a. bunch of people stop in and do sets. So, by the time you get up, it's probably. like closer to 1, >> you know. >> I've been there. Yeah, but those shows. show you what's [ __ ]. >> They show you there's something about a. small crowd shows you what what you're. saying is nonsense, >> you know? Like sometimes you have to. like figure it out. You have to And the. brutal thing about comedy is you kind of.

really have to figure it out in front of. people with the openness of failing, right? >> Like here's the thing. It's like one of. the things about jiu-jitsu, when you. learn jiu-jitsu, it's really important. to not be afraid to tap because if you. can just open your game up and not be. afraid to tap and tap, you can learn. more because you you don't do it tense. and you do it more playfully and it. doesn't mean as much to you when you get.

tapped. It sounds totally. counterintuitive, but if you can just. relax and not use your ego, not try to. win every session, just try to figure. out why you're getting caught and figure. out how to avoid it and but don't be. worried about tapping. Just tap tap. whenever you get caught and then just. let your ego deal with it and then learn. and move on. But you have to experience. that. You have to get tapped. You have. to get dominated. Like you have to. figure out like what's good and what's. bad.

>> And I think that's the same thing kind. of there's a element of that in comedy. too. You got to like possibly fail with. this idea. >> Yeah. >> Like I'm going to throw this out. I have. this is halfcooked. This is a h this is. a weird idea that I have. I'm like am I. crazy? Like do you think is this where. we're going as a society? Is this where. we're going as human beings? And there's. something there and I'm trying to find. it. >> Yeah. But I got to risk not finding it. That's the only way you find it. Because. there's writing on stage that you only.

get. >> you there's certain lines that only come. to you when you're willing to step out. on stage, >> but you got to you might [ __ ] bomb. You might eat [ __ ] You might have to. transfer out of that. Like it's like you. have to it's a balancing act. You might. this bit might not work at all and then. you might have to immediately figure out. how to segue into something guaranteed. so you get them back. >> Oh yeah. I do the same. Absolutely. But. I I all my [ __ ] I think is full cooked. I think I'm out there like this is good.

This has been marinating for a while and. then I'm going to eat [ __ ] You're like. [ __ ]. >> Yeah, >> that was a good bit. Damn it. >> For me it's. >> or one night it worked right and then. the next night I just did a joke last. night that they killed in the night and. before nothing. Crickets. I'm like. >> it was the same [ __ ]. >> Did you say it the same way? >> Do you record yourself? >> Yeah. I never listened to it though. >> Yeah, but that's the that's the thing. >> I said it a little differently. I've. [ __ ] up before what I didn't realize I. [ __ ] up and I said something wrong and. I didn't realize I said it wrong until I. listened to the recording. I'm like, "Oh, I couldn't because I'll [ __ ] words.

up sometimes." Sure. And just like I did. I talk too much, >> you know? I really do. I talk way way. too much. So my brain is just like on. autopilot talking sometimes. And. >> well, I know it's different if I if I. don't say it right. I'm saying if I say. it the same one night it gets a great. laugh, some next it doesn't. I'm like I. don't I didn't do anything different. Yeah, but I mean that's what I'm saying. is like you you you got to listen to it. You got to listen to it to to really. hear cuz there's a lot of times where. you'll say something just slightly.

different and that slightly different. makes all the [ __ ]. >> Well, but then I had one, this is one. last, it's a brand new joke. There's a. big billboard in Vegas and it's for the. Sahara pool and it's got this beautiful. woman on it. This big beautiful hot. chick and it says, "Meet me at the. pool." So I put it up on the big screen. I said, "This is my favorite billboard. Look at this. Look at meet me at the. pools hot girl and I said then you get. there and it changes to a big gay pool. party was like 75,000 dudes in a just a. great picture. So I did it last night.

got a laugh but not like it should have. gotten more because it's like then you. get there and you're like Ava has anyone. Ava have you seen you know she was here. earlier she's probably buried under all. that [ __ ] or something. Last night it it. just killed I mean almost for a minute. they're still laughing and applauding. I'm like, I did I didn't do anything. different. It was just the mood of that. audience. >> That does happen, too. Maybe it was like. you were doing better before that, so. you had more momentum. >> Maybe, >> you know, sometimes that.

>> I never I'm I'm just I don't have any. momentum. >> You had some [ __ ] up. I've seen your. show. >> Your show in Luxor was really fun. >> Okay. >> I saw it. God, it's been it's been a few. years. I got to check it check it out. now. But I've had a bunch of my friends. come to Vegas and see your show. It's. very fun. >> It's fun. Thank you. On Tuesdays, I do. it in Spanish. It's actually Do you. really? You speak Spanish? >> How dare you? Son of a [ __ ]. >> Tom, to do a top Tuesday night is. Spanish night. I come. Uh. >> Tom Seaguro, who looks totally white, >> uh speaks fluent Spanish and does.

standup in Spanish. >> Yeah. So he'll see him. I'm going to see. him. >> How many dates did he do where he did um. You're going to do Your Mom's House? >> Yeah. >> Do his podcast. Awesome. >> Or Two Bears One Cave. Which one you. doing? >> I'm doing with his birth. Oh. Oh, yeah. That's your mom's house. Yeah, >> they're both real fun. Bert is Bert's a. great example. Like this Bert's a great. example of what we were talking about. One time we were at the improv and Bert. did this joke, this new joke. The first. set it [ __ ] killed. And this second.

set, it didn't do nearly as well. And he. was confused. And I had seen both sets. And I said, "Oh, no. It's because in the. first set you said like he was at the. Excuse me. He was at the supermarket.". I know this is already on a special or. something. I wouldn't say it. It was. like he was at the supermarket and uh he. was standing there talking to his wife. He's like, "God, it's so cold in here.". And she looks at him and she goes, "You.

are so fat." And he's like, "What?" She. goes, "Your dick is hanging out." Like. he didn't realize that his fly was open. He goes raw dog everywhere. He goes raw. dog. He's got no underwear on and his. zippers undone. It's like, but the joke. was the the way it was like she had said. it that way, right? Like you are so fat. Like you can't see your dick. So the. first show he nailed it. He nailed the. cadence. And the second show like.

something was off and he forgot to say. one part of it. But I had remembered it. from the first show. Like it's weird, you know? You got to listen. You got to. listen because it's painful. You hate. listening to your own voice. It's gross. You You already know the jokes. You're. like, "Shut up." Shut the [ __ ] up. I'm. so tired of listening to you talk. >> But you have to listen to it because if. you don't, you're not going to like. you're not going to figure out how to do. it the best way you can. >> Really? >> I think. >> No, I think that's a great I just. >> But there's a lot of people funnier than. me that don't do it that way. >> I don't really ever want to see my my.

self again. Um, >> yeah, everybody's got their own process. >> Now, you know this whole. >> I know some guys who are really funny. that don't record any of their shows and. they don't write at all. They just go up. a lot and they have ideas and they work. them out on stage. >> and they're really really funny. >> Yeah. >> You know, >> I I I'm kind of in that with my with. more of my standup than the the prop. [ __ ] I build. But the stand up, I kind. of just I have like a little bullet. point. I don't write it out. >> When you do prop stuff, like how do you. even come up with ideas? Like what do.

you do you do you like sit down with. like a a whiteboard and go what can we. do with. >> No, I never have written um I've never. sat down and said I'm going to write. today. >> So how do the gags like come to. >> um they come just like a lot like a lot. of them happen by just. in a conversation or a story or. something. Um, sometimes I'll see a prop. and I'll or a prop meaning not it's not. a prop yet it's just a thing toilet seat. or I'll see a thing and I'll go there's. something funny about that, you know,

and I think about it and then I go, "Oh, >> there was I was at a Home Depot. I mean, I made this like yesterday. I haven't. even done it yet. I've never even tried. this yet. I'm going to do it on Tony. tonight." I never done it ever, but I. think it's funny. Guys get drunk and. they punch walls all the time, right? Because my friend, I had a friend. backstage. I said, "What happened to. your hand?" He's like, "Oh, yeah, fuck.". I said, "What'd you do?" He's like, "I. punched a wall." I said, "You punched a. wall?" I'm like, "Who the fuck?" And I.

just thought I said, "You I thought this. should be a a stud finder." Like, cuz he. hit a stud. So, I said, "There should be. a beer with a stud finder. so you can find it right before you're. drunk." You [ __ ] [ __ ] And you Yeah. So, I made it. So, it looks incredible, but it's it's so it's so silly, but it's. it's it will be a crowd-pleaser because. it goes beep beep beep and you [ __ ]. [ __ ] You wait the [ __ ]. you have to hesitate. >> You can [ __ ] your hand up.

>> But so that sometimes they're that way. Sometimes I just uh it'll come to me. I. don't know. I had a. I was watching a cartoon I think years. ago. There's a there was these paper. paper cups and string the telephone and. they were in a in a in a tree. Hey Susie. and she's what's going on Bobby. And I'm. watching it and I'm like this is an old. version of the pup cups. We need a new. version right because that's just two. cups. So I said we have to have another. cup that comes out for call waiting. And.

it was like that was my freeird. I mean. I I I did that. I came up with it was my. closing bit. You know I'd hold someone. in the front row. What's your name? And. they go, "Hey." I said, "You seem so. close." You know, the strings and she's. holding it. I What's your name? And she. say her name. I say, "Hold on. I have. another call." "Hello." And I got to. call you back. I'm talking to whoever. she was, Tracy. And it would just murder. because no one would expect, you know, call waiting to come out. But it was, you know, right when call waiting came. out. >> So you had a second cup. >> And then I had three cups for conference. calling that came out of that. So it was.

like boom boom conference calling. Then. I'd throw it. I'd say call forwarding. and I'd throw it. And then I had a clear. cup that was for caller ID. I said, "I. know you're there. Pick up. I can see. you." So it was like it was like a bam, bam, bam, bam, you know, really good. prop that turned into like a like a. routine. >> It would be funny if you tried to say. those things today. People be like, "What?". >> No, no, no. That's a No, that's a that's. a long that's a carrot classic. I call. them ones that are like, you know, I do. the I do things sometimes in the show.

where I do carrot classics. >> Yeah. >> I said this is stuff for people that. grew up with me in the 90s. This is. You'll remember some of these. Then I do. like the ice tray that has a level and. it's great. The biggest laugh comes when. I go half the crowd doesn't know what a. [ __ ] ice tray is. I That gets the. biggest laugh because no one has an ice. tray. >> But the the thing's still funny. They're. like, "Oh, that's I get it's clever, you. know.". >> Don't people still have ice trays? >> Well, if you live in a Yeah. If you live. in like a trailer. >> No. Regular houses. Yeah. Where you.

>> Well, they might Well, they may have new. ones now with the big cube ones. >> Yeah. If you don't want an ice machine. in your refrigerator thing, >> well, >> you can just. >> So maybe that joke's still relevant. >> I think it's normal. I think it's I have. [ __ ] ice trays. >> I have ice trays, too. >> I use them sometimes. I think. >> But see, when you going to when you go. put it back in, you got to leave it. >> Yeah. >> Um but there's certain things that. people just like pagers make a pager. joke today. They're like, "What?". >> That's great. Yeah. >> Yeah. I mean, I remember when I I. technological jokes, like if you think.

about like jokes about technology when. you date them, it's so weird. I used to. have a joke about texting. I'd be like, "Why are you making me read?" I'm like, "Call me. You're on a phone. It's the. best way to communicate. >> Call me." Like, "Why are you making me. [ __ ] read? This is so weird." I'm. like, "It takes you four presses to get. an S." Cuz that was back when people. sent you a text message on a dial phone, >> right? Which you had Yeah. >> On a flip phone, rather. >> Yeah. Which you had to make a seven. upside down on a pager. Hello. It was. the most annoying people that would want. to text. >> So great. Why are you making Why are we. doing this? >> This is so dumb. And I would just call. them back. You couldn't text Joey Diaz.

He would yell at you. He would [ __ ]. He'll text you now. But dude, for like. seven, eight years, Joey would [ __ ]. yell at you. Joey was the last one to. get a cell phone. He had a page. >> I was the last one to get a phone, too. I didn't get one. >> Joey had a pager until like the year. 2000. >> That's great. I was a little more than. that when. >> he [ __ ] kept that pager forever, man. And you'd have to you'd have to call his. [ __ ] pager. >> That's great. >> He was a wild boy. He was fun. He was.

just such a fun dude. But he if you call. if you did not call him, he would get. angry. He goes, "I'm insecure. I want to. hear your [ __ ] voice, why you [ __ ]. reading text messages, >> making me [ __ ] text you like a little. girl. What are you doing?" Him and. Redband would get into it cuz Redband. loves texting. >> So Redband was like one of the first. guys to text. He would text you back in. the days, >> you know, when you have to press it four. times to get an S. >> It's crazy. >> And then I remember people got those. those sidekicks. You remember you're the. coolest sidekick is in a keyboard.

Remember that? >> And some of their sidekicks got hacked, right? Didn't like uh Paris Hilton. again, didn't some cter pop up because. her sidekick got hacked? Something along. those lines? >> Something like that. It was something. It was probably from that. >> or something happened where people like. stole their sidekicks and got something. happened. Wasn't there something about. that? Some sort of a privacy concern. with the sidekicks back in the day. >> I mean, I don't know about.

a group that claimed they broken their. sidekick. Yeah. >> Yeah. There's also there was like. strategic releases of stuff back then. like when they would accidentally have a. photographer looking at their vagina as. they got out of a car. Like you don't. notice that photographer on his knees. with a camera pointing up. That's so. crazy. Nobody has a camera pointing up. >> Weird. >> Yeah. Like come on. That guy would go to. jail. That's probably illegal. >> Probably illegal.

>> And meanwhile you you don't have any. underwear on. That seems crazy. Like why. why do they have pictures of your [ __ ]. on the internet on purpose? Did you do. that on purpose? >> You did. But it's really it's smart. >> Yeah. >> I mean, if you want to market yourself. and just get more popular so more people. know your name. It worked, >> right? >> We're talking about them right now. Yeah. >> But that was like a brief moment. People. don't remember Pussygate. >> because there was a time where these uh. highlevel celebrity type people were. accidentally showing their [ __ ]. >> Yep. >> Whoopsies.

>> Whoopsies. >> Here's my [ __ ] Just out there in the. breeze, just nothing but a curtain. >> So weird. >> over raw [ __ ] Out there in the wild at. clubs, at [ __ ] award shows. Wild. [ __ ]. >> And see, I covered See, I never say that. word on stage ever. >> [ __ ]. >> Yeah. >> Because of Prince. Out of respect. >> Out of respect for respect for Prince. >> Um, great. >> No, I just never have. And I think it. was last night. No, not last night.

Night for last. I don't know what was. the crowd was just I don't know. They. were crazy. and I don't know. Someone yelled. something out and I I said, "Well, wait. I I got No. I said I'm going to just do. I did a horrible prop. It was a It was a. Bud Light bottle, you know, you know, like one of those metal ones.". >> Mhm. >> That I had these these legs put on it. like that. I And it's hilarious looking. I said, "I made a Bud Light so guys will. drink it again." You know, it's just and. and the guy's the guy was like, someone.

yelled out, "I don't get it." I said, "It's pussy." Like, "How do you not get. the joke?" It's two legs spread. The. beer goes like this and the legs go. I. said, "See, you're eating pussy." And it. was just like the crowd was like a car. top. Can't say [ __ ] Like, what? They just didn't I said, "No, it's. okay." I said, "Put no kids in the. crowd.". >> And don't say it again. No, no, >> no, >> don't say it again. >> No, they could. I said, "No, don't no.". So, they're thinking, "Don't say it. again." I said, "No, but you can say. it." I said, "Now that I've said that. though,

we we've topped it." I mean, right, you. can't top once you say [ __ ] you can't. top it. So, they're like, "Oh," they. laughed. I'm like, you know, now [ __ ]. nothing. You know, I said [ __ ] So, we've reached the plateau of runchy at. the show, Cartop Show, cuz Yeah. It's. more silly. I mean, there's an edge. There's an edge to it. >> But you swear whenever you feel like it. >> Yeah. >> You just Yeah. I don't need to, but I do. it for some parts of the I don't need. to. No, >> but I never say buzzy fun. Swearing's. fun. People that don't want you swear. that that always makes me that was like.

the Bill Cosby thing. He was always. angry at people swearing. >> Yeah, I remember that. Richard Richard. Eddie Murphy. That was so great. >> That's one of the greatest bits. >> He says, "Do the people laugh. Do you. get paid? Tell Bill to have a coke smile. and shut the [ __ ] up." Great. >> cuz you could hear it in Prior's voice. >> No. Yeah. Great. That's Yeah. He. brilliant, right? Brick Prior. Just just. brilliant. Oh my god. My parents took me. to see him uh live in the Sunset Strip. when he was in the movie theater. >> I was like 15, 16 years old. Great.

>> It was incredible. I couldn't believe. how funny it was. I will never forget. this. It was the first moment where I. realized like what standup can do cuz. this guy was on stage and just talking. It was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. in my life. Ever. Yeah. >> I I thought about all the movies that I. had seen that were really funny movies. and I was like, there's nothing that's. this funny. And this guy's just talking. >> Yeah. >> I was looking around the theater. I'll. never forget this, man. And there was. people just going like this, just.

throwing their body up and down while. they're laughing, holding their body. like, "Oh my god. Oh my god." Just dying. laughing. I was like, "This is. incredible. He's just talking. It's. incredible how funny this is.". >> Yeah. He was that that's a. groundbreaking special. >> Yeah. And when you're 15, you're like, "No way.". >> And you're right. >> Yeah. And you're right. And seeing. people like you said, physically. laughing like that, >> falling down, you don't see that often. >> Dying like they couldn't handle it. Like. >> I did I opened for Steve Harvey one time.

in Birmingham, Alabama. And uh I get. there, I set up all my stuff, and I I'd. never met him. This is years and years. ago. I had like a trunk, you know, I. didn't have. had like 30 props and a third of them. were really good, you know. I kind of. just open to. I get there and I do I do the first. thing and he oh and Steve says to me, "Hey, you know, you ever worked a black. crowd?" I was like, "No, I mean like all. black crowd." I said, "No, I'm.

performing in front of black people." He. says, "No, no, all black crowd." I said, "Will it be all black?" He said, "Oh, yeah. All black crowd." I didn't know I. they would go one way or the other. He. just said, "If they stand up and they. start going like they're not leaving, they're standing up for to when they. laugh." I was like, "Anyway, I go out. there and I I do okay for a bit." Then I. did one. I don't know what it was, but. they all got up and they were like, it. looked like they were leaving, but they.

were that's that's how they they were. like you said, they were just rejoicing. and they're like, "Ah." And I just I. never I couldn't believe it. I I came. off and he's like, "Nice nice set." And. I'm like, "That was so much fun." They. were so into the show and I said, "I. don't know how he's going to follow. that." Cuz I did really sort of got I. did really good. I really did, Greg. >> I I thought to myself, he's not going. to, you know, that [ __ ] that guy, you. know, you Well, Steve is. >> sure.

>> I know it was his crowd, but paint was. peeling off the club. It was so loud. It. was so piercing loud in there. And. that's another guy I thought I'm not in. comedy. Whatever I'm in, I'm not in. that. >> When he did Kings of Comedy with Bernie. Mack, that was like Bernie Mack in his. prime. >> Yeah. Bernie Mack. Brilliant. >> Oh my god. >> Love Bernie Mack. >> Bernie Mack. So funny. He was so. powerful on stage. Just like sometimes. you see someone performing, it's like. >> Yeah. Everything. His eyes alone just. his punch lines.

>> Charisma just pop. >> Yeah. Pop. He just was funny. There's. some dudes that just know how to to just. to hit it just right. >> Yep. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. He was that way. >> Oh my god, it was so funny. I mean, that. whole era tour, it's kind of interesting. that no one's done that since, right? There's been like the Kings of Comedy. and then there's Blue Collar, >> right? >> There haven't been really a lot of those. movie tours like that. >> There hasn't been. >> cuz there were tours and then they made. films, >> right? >> Right. Kings of Comedy. How many films.

did they make? They made at least one, right? >> Yeah. How many. >> Kings of Comedy. >> comedy specials did Kings of Comedy. make? >> I think just a one, maybe two. >> So then Blueco collar did a couple, right? Two or How many did they do? >> You mean actual specials? Yeah, but they. toured like crazy. >> They toured like crazy. But they did. specials and um they all went on to tour. too. >> Yeah. >> But there hasn't been like one. >> Yeah, there hasn't been. You're right. >> No. Interesting. It's funny, but it's.

also like everybody's already touring. This is like there's more people doing. arenas now than I think have ever ever. >> I mean, not even close. >> It's unbelievable. >> It's weird. >> It's But it's what we're talking about. >> Joe came to my show about a month ago. >> Joe Koy's killing it. uh he's always. doing he just said to me um he was just. backstage with his family and he said um. just. casually he said he said what are you. what are you doing on you know February. or something I said I don't know.

probably working he goes ah since have. you come so I'm like oh what's going on. at Sofi he's like me [ __ ]. >> I said you what are you going there for. he's like me like to perform I just it. just blew me away I'm like you're. playing sofa Hi. He's like, >> "Yeah, he's been doing a. >> Yeah. Yeah. It's it's already sold out.". >> Yeah. >> I'm like, >> he's so casually. Yeah. Come to Sofi. Like, he's going to go see the Stones. He's like, "No, I'm going to see me." I. mean, [ __ ]. >> Nate Barati is another one like that.

>> He's doing arenas everywhere and just. super normal, casual. I know. >> Hang out with him. >> Stadium, football stadium. >> Which one's doing the football stadium? >> Joe Koy and Gabriel. >> Oh, that's a great one, too. Combination. >> March 26th. That's a great one, too. Yeah, you can't go wrong. Fluffy does LA. by himself, right? Doesn't he? Does the. Dodger Stadium by himself? >> Yeah. >> Insane. >> Insane. Yeah, Fluffy has a giant. following. I remember when we were at. the Ice House, he had the record for the. most amount of shows sold out in a row.

and like they had a plaque on the wall. there. Look at these guys. Holy [ __ ]. Sofi Stadium. God damn. >> Jesus. >> That's nuts. Yeah, man. They're killing. it. I'll be playing in Crackers on. >> there's Shane Gillis is killing it like. that. Tony's killing it like that. It's. >> at the Notre Dame stadium last night. >> Who did Shane open for Zack Ryan at. Notre. >> Dame? Oh my god. Oh my god. That's. incredible. That's incredible. Holy.

[ __ ]. Woo. It's fun time. Fun time for comedy. >> Bert's doing giant places. Sur is doing. giant places. It's really wild. It's. wild to see. >> Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to meet him on. Monday. >> Which one? >> Tuesday. >> Which one? Tom. Oh, you never met him? >> I don't think so. >> Oh, >> I don't think so. You'll love him. I. don't know if I think I've met him or. not. I don't know. But. >> he's like 187 pounds now. >> Oh, really? >> Dude, he was at the the club. Did you. see him? >> I can just I can just tell from the.

photos. He looks so skinny. >> Dude, he looks great. He looks great. He. was at the club the other night. I'm. like, dude, you look [ __ ] great. I. go, what do you weigh? He goes 187. He. has been 187 since he was like in high. school. >> Wow. Good for him. >> Yeah. But he's like healthy. He's not. like a Ozek. was had a good joke. Uh um Gaffigan. He. he makes me laugh. He said, "I I want my. meet and greet." And my fan said to me, "Oh, you look you look uh are you okay?".

And I get that. I'm okay. Yeah. You. okay? He says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" He. says, "You look sick." He's like, "No, I. no, I just lost weight." And she goes, "Oh, Zmpic." He goes, "No, not Ompic. I'm on the other one.". >> The other side. But he it's like if you. if you if you're if you're if you have. muscles, you're on steroids. If you're. if you're skinny, you're on ompic. Can. anyone be happy with anybody just. looking good? You know, >> no one no one's happy with. >> God, you look good. What are you on? No, I'm not. Nothing. >> The only time you're going to find. people that are happy when you're doing.

good is if they're doing good. So, if. they're doing good, then they get to. say, "Hey, Cartop, you're looking great, man. You're looking great." because they. don't they don't feel threatened. >> Yeah, you look good. >> So some people do they feel threatened. by other people doing well and so they. they don't they want [ __ ] ompic. >> I mean I would die if I took a. >> there's no [ __ ] way that that guy has. the willpower to lose that weight. >> He's a [ __ ] and then they feel better. They feel better about themselves. because their life sucks. >> Interesting. >> Yeah. And that's a lot of people. That's.

a giant chunk of the population. That's. why you're not supposed to read social. media. >> Funny and I hear my friends D. like look. at her. Yeah, she's got to be. I said, maybe she's just taking care of herself. Maybe she's doing she's eating apples. and doing yoga. [ __ ] who knows? >> Yeah. Also, some people it's really. going to help them. You know, if you're. 600 pounds, it's probably a good idea. And what my friend was telling me, my. friend Bighgam was telling me, uh, who. actually runs a pharmacy, he's like, "The issue is the dosage first of all, that people are getting these enormous. doses and, you know, variable by body.

weight. It should be they should. probably be getting a a much lower dose, right? And he's saying they're showing. now that if you mix it with certain. peptides, I think it was IGF-1. Is that. what he said? >> I think he said IGF-1 that if you mix it. with certain peptides, it eliminates the. muscle loss and the bone loss. And so. what you do is you if you get on one of. these things if you're o overweight, you're really struggling and you just. need something to just get you back on. track. The idea is that you could get on.

this and then use it as like a kickart. to a healthy lifestyle. Okay, now you've. dropped 30 lbs. You feel much better, right? Okay, you've been eating really. good. right now. Let's get off this. [ __ ] nonsense that you're on that's. making you lose your appetite and let's. now just maintain your body weight and. just just keep eating healthy and it'll. go off. Like if you just do it the right. way, >> it'll you'll continue to progress. >> You know, you don't have to stay on that. stuff cuz long term is kind of sketchy.

like I don't know what are you what are. you doing to it's like what is what is. the actual GLP1. uh chemical like what or whatever you. want to call it medication what does it. actually do what is this peptide. actually do that makes you lose your. appetite because that's essentially what. it's doing. >> supposed to just to curb your appetite. right. >> which is the last thing I ever want to. hear about I [ __ ] love appetite. >> I love I love. >> I am appetite. >> yeah we we got from the airport here. it's all people my my sister was where's.

where's the best Barbecue plays. barbecue. >> Yeah, dude. I don't want to hear I lose. my appetite. You can go [ __ ] yourself. I. love appetite. >> Um, so it regulates appetite by acting. on the brain's hypothalammus to promote. feelings of fullness and sat satiety and. by slowing down the rate of which food. leaves the stomach, gastric emptying. It. also influences the brain's reward. system, reduces cravings for high. calorie food, and dampening the. motivation to eat. These combined. effects contribute to a reduced overall.

energy intake and a longer lasting. feeling of fullness after meals. I think. it's like everything else, man. Like, you could probably use it responsibly. and it can probably help you if you're. really obese, >> but I think there's way too many people. that are hopping on it that just need a. little discipline, >> right? >> Just just get a little discipline. But. that doesn't mean that some people. shouldn't use it, right? And if they can. figure out how to do it right with like. peptides, then okay, maybe maybe it's a. healthy way for you to get into a good. lifestyle. But the real thing is get in.

get healthy. That's the real thing, >> right? >> I think it's predominantly made for. people with diabetes, I think. But then. they found out it was it would help. people that were obese. Which like you. said, you know, >> and it's a huge money maker. >> Making some money off. >> I just eat and throw up. That's what I. do. >> But see, that's a lot easier. That's one. that I don't have a problem with people. making money off of. It's like I don't. have a problem them making money off of. any of them. Let me be real clear. But. this one it's like maybe like overall.

benefit if done correctly. >> for there's so many people out there. that are [ __ ] man. They're 500. [ __ ] pounds and they don't know how. to stop and they they go to counseling. You see the shows they think about. getting their stomach stapled and it is. an addiction just like gambling, just. like anything else. You need some help. sometimes. >> And maybe that's what they need. >> Need a little boost. >> Just something something to [ __ ] get. you out of this terrible state and move.

you into a place of healthy. And then. you'll be you'll feel better. This is a. problem with like you'll you'll think. better, you'll be nicer. You'll you'll. you'll have a better life. You'll have. more energy to do the things you like to. do. There's no downsides to being. healthy. There's zero downsides. Yeah, >> you know, the only downside is it sucks. It's a lot of hard work, but once you. get there, once you get there, the. feeling of satisfaction of having. accomplished something like getting your. body into a condition where it's like.

healthy and you can do stuff. You can, you know, take a [ __ ] yoga class. You. can do CrossFit. You can you can do. stuff. It's physical. It works well. >> Or just get implants like I did. It's a. lot. >> There was this one guy who got like the. most implants. Oh, I know. It looks like. human doll. You seen that guy? >> Yeah. >> No, it's that's really creepy, isn't it? >> Someone needed to talk to him a long. time ago. Like, Mike, whatever you're. doing, slow down, Mike. Slow down, Mike.

You look crazy. >> I don't know if you got a mirror in your. [ __ ] house. >> Yeah. No. God damn. >> But that's the thing with with people. when they start doing that kind of. stuff, they don't know when to stop. >> Yeah. You know, >> and it becomes addictive, you know, just. like eating becomes addictive or. gambling. You could get addicted to just. [ __ ] with your f That guy. There he. is. >> New back implant. He got. >> Oh, he's got a back implant. Tight. >> 21 G's. >> $21,000 to do a back implant. It does. look like he's got crazy lats. I'd be.

like, "That guy must be a rock climber.". >> Right? If you saw that, like, that guy's. jacked. Look how jacked he is all the. way down to his wrists. And you're like, "Hey, why are those wrists on that body? That's crazy. >> Something's wrong." Like this is like, >> you know what I mean? It's like, he. looks great for like whatever it is. The. boobs are odd. Uh, but there's some some. part of your brain is like, "What is. going on?" Does he have fake abs, too? >> I don't know. >> Those are great fake abs. If those are. fake abs, let me see that again. There.

it looks real. That looks normal. But. one of the ones that you just showed. earlier look like Okay. Are those his. real abs? Because if you if you could. get those abs, if those were real. Like. you could have done the whole thing. You. could have done the whole thing, fella. Like somebody just need to get you. lifted weights, right? >> You didn't have to admit to what he's. gotten done. I'll see if he admits. >> Oh, no. He totally admits to it, right? >> Oh, yeah. I think I think that's his. whole thing. >> Yeah. He's letting everybody know. It's. not like he's like, "Nope, God just keeps blessing me.".

>> Under the knife more than 190 times. >> Oh, that's normal. for over 340. procedures. >> Wow, that seems totally sane. >> Hey, >> just how many What is it like? What kind. of damage are you doing to your body. just going under 190 times? >> Jeez. >> 190 times he went under. >> starting at age 18. >> Whoa. Soon as he got out of the house. [ __ ] you, mom and dad. >> Yeah, I'm kind of I'm got orange cones. around his head. Yeah, I'm getting lats. I'm getting [ __ ].

>> [ __ ] lats. He doesn't, but he looks. like he's a small framed guy. He doesn't. >> Exactly. You get down to his wrist, you're like, "That guy's bird wrist. This is insane.". >> The wrist was weird. >> He's not admitting abs saying he did. everything else. >> Oh, >> let me see. I'll just look. >> Okay. Well, if that's true, and it may. be true, they might not be able to do. abs back then. >> I don't think somebody else No, that's. different. >> I know they do abs. You know, they do. that sculpting thing where they sculpt. the fat away and it makes look more fake.

abs look like. They don't look like that. guy's abs. >> I have a guy. >> those look pretty good. >> But that the other guys. >> Oh, that's that crazy guy. That guy's. had a lot of those things too. So that's. fake abs. >> Yeah, those look real. >> A little more real. >> But that that like I'm saying like if. somebody just talked that dude into. lifting weights hooked on the look. What. is. I think those are his real abs which are. pretty good. Like he could have got a. tight swimmer's body instead of what he. did. Oh Jesus Christ. >> They also do that sculpting thing which. it's not an implant, you know, but they. like dig them out with.

>> Yeah. They expose they cut all the fat. away so it exposes more of the abdominal. area. Abdominal sculpting kerat. >> I think I had that tomorrow before. Sigora. >> tight. I think. >> you're going to have to get drained. though. You're going to have these. >> tubes coming out leaking pus. >> because you just had a wound. They cut. your fat away cuz you. >> you want to look better in a bikini. >> I like I Yeah. No, >> all you have to do is just work out. Jesus Christ, people. >> Do a crunch. >> Your body is who you are, right? If you.

have like a little bit of a gut, it's. because you've been [ __ ] off. >> That's just it. Show it to the world. This is who you are. Let it go. >> You're living good. You got a little. gut. >> If you don't like it, lose weight. >> Yeah. >> I just don't know if uh you need ompic. Maybe somebody does. Uh, like you said, someone that's really obese probably. would help them. >> Dude, we're just about four or five. years away from there being able to. genetically engineer you anyway. They're. going to be able to like eliminate all. obesity. Obesity is going to be out the.

window probably. >> At least with people who have the money. for the procedure. They'll probably just. [ __ ]. lay paste around your body. >> The fat will burn away and you'll. [ __ ] coming out look like Chris Evans. probably Captain America. Yeah, >> that's gonna happen, dude. It's gonna. happen. >> Yeah, it will. >> They're already doing weird stuff that's. beneficial to people. They're already. >> figuring out how to splice genes and. turn off like gene expressions that.

cause certain diseases and. >> they're they're getting involved in some. really wild research when it comes to. like manipulating your genome. And once. once it really gets good, once they. really start, you know, curing certain. diseases and figuring stuff out and they. ratchet up and they can start, they'll. start going, "Who wants to be good-look? [Laughter]. >> Who wants a giant dick? Who wants the. biggest ass?". >> That's right. >> Yeah. It's just gonna 100% people are.

going to all look like cartoons. We're. all going to be. >> cartoons. It's gonna be Yeah. It will. all look like that. We're all going to. look like Thor and the woman will look. like Prime Jennifer. >> The whole world's hot. I mean, if. >> Fun times. fun times, everybody gets to play. >> Everybody's. >> Yeah. With you how much it must suck to. just unfortunately be born really. unattractive. You know, like there's. people that got a terrible roll of the. dice in life. You know, they got weird.

for God's sakes. You're a normal looking. guy, dude. You're normal looking guy. who's done some stuff. But there's. normal looking people like you and I. Like Elephant Titus, man. That guy. Remember that guy? >> Imagine something like that where you. could just completely change it and all. a sudden he looks like Ken. >> Yep. >> Why wouldn't you do that? >> Yeah. No. >> Why wouldn't everybody get a chance to. be hot? >> What's it going to be like if. everybody's hot? Fun. >> It's going to be [ __ ] fun, dude. It's. going to be awesome. >> Everybody gets to play. I like that. >> Yeah. It's going to be fun. Everybody's. hot. It's going to be great. And what if.

they figure out what's wrong with. people's brains? Like, oh, we thought. that you just had to go let people. experience life and figure out their. issues and make mistakes and maybe go to. jail and then get out. No, no, no, no, no. We can just rewire brains. >> Yeah. >> Rewire everybody's brain. So, everybody's like really calm and. peaceful and kind and compassionate. And. you have to sign up for it. It's the. compassionate program and everybody has. to get get the updated software. That's. great. It will all be super sweet to. each other. We're going to have to do.

it. >> You're going to software. I have a. software update tonight. >> Everyone's going to be hot and. everyone's going to be nice. It's going. to be a human all their hair. They're. going to have muscles. >> and then all inventions will cease. >> Yeah. >> Instantaneously. We will never invent a. single thing after that. >> There will be no more music. >> Yeah. >> Everyone's going to be hot. There's. there'll be no no motivation whatsoever. for you to ever like be like Prince,

>> right? >> You know, like Prince became Prince. because he was 5 foot three and that was. the way to get women to love him. To be. so [ __ ] talented like that people. just are blown away and you're acting. like a woman they don't even understand. it. They're so hot for you. Like he. hacked the system. But you're not going. to get that if everybody's. >> I met Prince a couple times. One time I. met him, he he was still cursing cuz I. was on the Tonight Show and I was back. in that little hallway getting my makeup. uh done, whatever. And but I already. came in makeup. So I don't know why.

that, you know, I was always ready. So I. I I just walk out the makeup thing and. Prince was on the show. His door is. right there and mine is down here. So I. walked over to Jay and I said he walked. in I said, "Can I can you introduce me. to Prince?" He said, "Well, you're. you're in the throat. Let's go. I can. knock on the door. I said, "Well, no. I. I'm going to protocol. I'd rather you. you walk me in. It's Prince and just. say, "Hey, you know," he said, "I. haven't even said hi to him yet either.". So, come with me. So, he said, "Well, go. after this." He goes to his makeup. I'm.

just standing there. Prince comes out of his dress room. He. says, "Where's my [ __ ] tea?". And I'm like, "What's that?". He's my [ __ ] tea. And I was like, "Oh, I'll I'll make I'll go get it." And. he clo he closed the door and and Jay's. right there in the thing. I said, "Where's where's Prince's [ __ ] tea?". And she's like, "What?" I said, "He just. yelled at me to get his [ __ ] tea.". He's like, "Did does he know you're on. the You know, he doesn't normally show.

He probably doesn't know you're on the. show." So, I went and got tea and I. walked in knock on the door and he. opened and and he he his assistant. opened the door. I said, "This is this. is Prince tea." He says, "He doesn't. drink tea." I was like, "Okay." Uh, no. And Prince is looking. He's like, "Close. the door to the thing." What the [ __ ]. was that about? Where's my [ __ ] tea? I go get tea. So, >> listen, that seems insane. >> That's insane. I It But but it was it was just awkward.

I didn't I didn't know what I was. supposed to do. And so, the next time. I'm in Vegas, I'm going to my own room. >> You didn't talk to him at all after. that. You were on the show together? Oh, they he did his thing. I came and he Jay. brings us all on at the end. This is. thanks Prince and Keratop and Prince. declined to to to go out for the. closing, but you can see it. He's he say. we had Prince K. >> Do you think he was embarrassed that he. told you to get his tea when. >> No, I think he was out of his mind. No,

maybe maybe he thought, oh [ __ ] I asked. for No, but but he would have said thank. you for my tea. The girl's like he. doesn't want tea. I'm like, he just. asked me for [ __ ] tea. All right, >> that follows along with my theory about. that kind of talent. I always think you. have to be at least somewhat insane or. have a relationshipdeed. You have to. have a relationship with insanity, which. is probably why he joined Jehovah's. Witness. >> Yeah. >> And decided to stop swearing. It's like. he wanted some structure, right? He's.

probably had a relationship with. insanity. >> probably. I mean he definitely had I. mean he had a troubled you know we all. know that he was rough patch there for. him but um. >> he the best one was I was going to my. room at the MGM grand at the the top. suites whatever the hell they're called. >> it's after the show and they have the. little girls at the end of the you know. the check you in at the top morning Mr. Thompson, how was your show? Awful. And. I I start walking down the hall and.

there's this big big black I mean big. black guy just standing right in the. center of the hallway. So I'm walking. towards him and I'm like, you know, I'm getting closer to him. So. I said, "Hey, how's it going?" And I saw. him go like, you know, I can't go by. him. So I said, "Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I. need to go to my He's You can't go to. You can't go past here." I said, "Oh, no. I have to go to my room." He says, "You're not going by you're not going by. me." He wasn't mean about it, but he.

says, "You're not you're not going to go. by me." And I made a joke like, "I can I. can probably get by you. You're being. funny." I said I said, "I can I could. probably get by you pretty quick.". Didn't laugh. So I said, "All right." I. went back to the girl at the front desk. I said, "Is that guy work here?" She's. like, "Who?" I said, "The guy in the. hallway." No. What? What guy? I said, "That guy." "No." I said, "Well, then. what? you won't let me go buy him. She's. like, I'll go with you. So, she walks. with me. I said, I brought backup. I got. this little old lady,

>> right? >> I brought back up. We're getting through. you and he's like, uh, sir, he needs to. go to his room. He said, I'm sorry, you. can't you can't you he can't come by me. And I just kind of I figured there's got. to be something behind him. And I kind. of just do one of these like well I just. got to get and it's Prince and he's. standing he's only you know he's this. this guy is three times his size and. Prince is standing behind him. So I just I say Prince and he goes hey I.

said can I go to my room? He goes. yeah. I said can you tell him? And he. goes tell who? I said the guy like he's. not with him. I he says he said yeah let. keratop go to his room and he goes he. goes one of these and I walked by him. he's just prince he's just stand just. standing behind this guy in the hallway. I don't know what he was doing even he. was just stand there he just standing. >> probably writing a new song in his head. >> maybe he was writing I don't know but it. was just the weirdest and he just said. hey and I said thanks prince he said no.

problem. >> bro he's a weird guy that that's why. he's so good. >> yeah I just never forget that I was like. ah. >> I don't think anybody gets that good. without being really out of their mind. >> you know You got to be out there, man. >> He is standing there behind this guy. >> That's funny. >> It wasn't like It wasn't on his phone. before there was phones. He It wasn't. like. >> That's a funny thing to do. Stand out. there with a giant dude in. >> front. Stand there behind him. >> Maybe he was waiting on a girl to come. out of the room. That's all I could.

think of. >> Maybe just felt like. >> he would just stand there and and I. looked back. Thanks, Prince. He said, "No problem.". >> Remember when he had to use a symbol. because he didn't have the rights to. use, >> right? The record label. So insane. >> You go back to Billy Joel's song, I am. the entertainer. Like this is that too. It's the same thing. Music business. >> [ __ ] with one of the alltime greats. >> I was just reading about Billy Joel, his. first record deal. He almost [ __ ]. everything up. He signed everything away. for 15 years. >> Oh my god. >> 1973. >> Some guy saw him perform that song.

you're talking about and he's like, I. gota we got to figure this out. >> Captain Jack. Yeah. >> Oh wow. >> Captain Jack is a great [ __ ] song. Have you ever seen him do it live? No. But yeah. >> God damn. See if you can find an old. version. >> God. Can we play it and like cut it out? >> Yeah, let's play it and cut it out. >> Find an old version of him doing it live. from like the 1970s if you can. If it's. possible. >> Yeah. There's a whole thing in the. documentary right now about Billy Joe. Where is.

>> Look at this. How quick is this? >> 1976. Captain Jack uh from excuse me, Connecticut live. 1976. We'll come back, ladies and gentlemen. Now we're back. Oh, >> going back to we talked about music. earlier about. >> how good was that song? Oh, that's so. I'm saying though people we have this. you I'm sure everyone has the same. discussion about music and you know. these songs everything from that era. 60s7s 80s is still relevant and amazing.

but there's it's hard to find I don't. know if they just don't play it too. >> it's you got to find you find artists. man you got to find the artist go back. and I I you know who do you listen. >> there's a lot of artist. >> I still listen to you know. >> yeah but there's great guys right now. man you know there's jelly belly roll. right now. He's amazing. >> Oliver Anthony, he's amazing. Um, >> Teddy Swims, that dude. Do you know who that guy is? Oh my god. Play The Door by Teddy Swims.

>> What's that? >> We can't play music anymore. >> Just like We'll cut it out. We'll cut it. out. >> Why would you say that? We can do that. >> We'll cut it out. Sorry, >> but I just want you to listen. >> Here's you you [ __ ] with your crowd. You. say, "Okay, now here this is one of the. best songs I've ever heard. Check this. out. And you come back, you know, you. know, you come back and you go, "Right, [ __ ]. >> listen to the song.". >> Great. >> You get it? >> That's great. >> Yeah. >> Beautiful. >> Yeah. See, they're out there, man. >> Yeah. No, I You just got to find them. I.

guess when I'm old like me, I just get. stubborn. I go, "Oh, what do you listen. to?" I'm like, "Oh, Elton John." Like, "What the fuck?". >> I'll give you some [ __ ] to listen to. There's some great [ __ ] out there. >> I try to. I just get so I'm old. So, >> you listen to Zack Brown. I love Zack. Brown. Yeah, I love Zack Brown. Zack. Bryan. >> I love Zack Brown, too. But Zack Bryan. >> Oh, Zan. >> He's the guy that was at the arena with. Shane Gillis. >> Yeah. You don't know him? >> No, I don't. Do I not know him? >> Phenomenal. He's phenomenal. Phenomenal. And another one of those guys is just.

like super super talented. An incredible. voice. He was in the military, man. He. was making songs on like Tik Tok in the. military. One of those things like Vine. or something like that. And that's how. he popped. >> Just like right out of nowhere. >> That's crazy. let him out of the army like you're. going to be a [ __ ] star. I. >> think he was in the Navy. >> Um where what what what arena were they. at? >> Notre Dame. >> Notre Dame stadium. Football stadium. >> How many people is in that? >> I'll show you. I mean it's 100. >> Is there a picture of them on stage?

>> A lot. Yeah. >> I want to see a picture of them on. stage. >> That's so surreal. >> Yeah. >> Those numbers are so surreal. Like look. at look at size of that. That's so. crazy. >> It's like the Luxer every night. Nothing. different. >> Basically the same. >> It's the same. >> What's the biggest show you've ever. done? >> Uh stadium in uh Florida. >> What is that? >> But that was for uh it was for their.

homecoming. It wasn't a it wasn't a. keratop show. I was the headliner, but. it was it was a it was a u. >> Look at this. >> Look at that. >> That's crazy. Wow. Are you so nervous about doing it, too? >> I can't wait. >> Oh, I imagine. >> Well, how could you not be? Yeah, but. he's. >> Well, I my my thing with the stadium. because, you know, we we do they do a. soundtrack there, but this the stadium's. empty and it was, you know, 100,000. people. Uh, this side was going to be the.

alumni. This side was the the kids, you. know, all ages. Now, they had a rules. You couldn't say you couldn't curse. You. couldn't uh definitely couldn't anything. sexual. So Mike, thank God I brought all. this stupid [ __ ] which is you know meant. for college is a bong with you know. >> right. >> the open guy goes out and his first joke. is like I mean this chick out right and. my my guy comes running in like dude my. wife he's like his opening line was I. mean this girl out I said no he goes. yeah.

I'm like well second guy goes out same. thing he's just they're the beyond. rotten gross dirty right and I'm getting. ready to go up and I'm like, well, I'm. going to eat [ __ ] now cuz they're. they're, you know, they went here. But. the crowd wanted Goofy. They they they. had heard all this. It was actually. worked in my advantage. They they did. all this horrible dirty stuff that the. the crowd was kind of like, let's get. Keratop. And I came up and I was like,

you know, I did my exact thing I was. supposed to do. Silly, goofy, you know, for both both sides. They loved it. But. the weirdest thing I'd love to ask him. that played a stadium is it you say, you. know, hey, and it goes, hey, hey, hey, hey, four times. Backslap, whatever they. call that. >> Oh, the echo. >> Yeah. So, I didn't in in sound check it. wasn't doing that. >> So, I went out and I said I said uh. something like, you know, Florida. I'm. from Florida. So, I was like, "Oh, Florida, my hometown." I said, "Florida,

my hometown. Florida, my hometown." Oh, no. >> And I went, >> "Oh, shit." like in my head I I didn't. know what I was going to do in that. split second and I said um I said wow. wow wow one thing cool about playing in. the stadium stadium stadium every time. every joke that's going to bomb is going. to bomb four times four times four time. and the crowd went like crazy and I said. no seriously that ate [ __ ] at eight [ __ ]. and it just worked off that echo was. crazy. >> well you figured out how to work with it. >> right right in a split second I'm like. yeah suck suck suck imagine not Just.

ignoring the fact that you hear yourself. four times. >> No, I know. And you have to time out. You're right. It was the weirdest thing. ever. You're holding up a a thing and. you're like, "It's a thing. It's a thing. thing." And you have to hold it longer. till they see it to put it down. It was. weird. I remember when uh I used to work. at Great Woods Center for the Performing. Arts. It was like a like a concert. venue. And uh I was there when uh Bill. Cosby was there. And the the problem.

with comedy in that place is that it was. outdoors. So the inside of it was all. covered. Like there was like an inside. space. It was open air. Like there was a. roof over it and it was all covered. And. then there was a lawn area in the back. kind of thing. >> And they sold tickets for the lawn, >> but you could only hear the show inside. the the roofed area cuz once it got out, all the echo [ __ ] it up so bad when it. made it out into the lawn. you couldn't. understand what the [ __ ] anybody said.

You had to be in there where the. speakers were. >> And so everybody was furious. They were. all complaining like, "Oh, they never. checked." Like no one checked to see if. you could hear someone talk out here. >> That's crazy. >> Crazy. >> These kids today, you know, no one knew. what he was saying. Yeah. The dentist. coming there. >> I saw Dangerfield there. He was. backstage. So backstage when Dangerfield. would do shows, he would get high as. [ __ ] He would take off all of his. clothes and he would put a robe on. That's you go on stage with a bathrobe. on, just raw dick and a bathrobe and.

with slippers on and dude he [ __ ]. murdered. I was I guess I was like 19. years old when I was working there. >> and he went up there and I I was not. even thinking about doing standup comedy. yet. So I was just loving it just as a. pure fan. I was like I can't believe. Rody J just hanging out with a bathrobe. because that's what he was known for in. even Vegas. cuz he'd go around the. casino in a robe and prison. >> I saw I didn't see his dick, but I saw. him in a bathrobe and I saw him go on.

stage in a bathrobe and that was his. move. >> No, I No, he did. He I saw it. He He He. walked up in his dress room on purpose. with it undone. I swear to God. I said I said, "Hey," I. said, "Rodney." He said, "Yeah, it's my. mom." He goes, "Hey, mom." And he just. stand there. Yeah. My mom's like. crazy, right? And he meant to he meant. to. He's like looked at me like, "How's. mom doing?" I'm like, "Great." And she's. like, "Dude, your your thing is. hanging." In our dressing room at the. club, his wife uh donated his notes from.

an appearance on the Tonight Show. >> So, it's his handwritten notes and. they're all framed with with a photo of. Rodney. Yeah, it's pretty cool. He what. I one of the things I loved about him, man, is that he uh introduced the world. to a lot of other great comics. >> He introduced the world to Kenisonson. Hicks, right? Robert Shiml, Domera, Jerry Seinfeld, like a lot of comics. did. >> Yeah. >> A lot of comics did those HBO young.

comedian specials. Those. >> what you're doing as well and Tony is. doing that because you give all the. comics time on your show, which most. shows don't have that anymore, right? The late shows don't show. But comics. that have podcasts all do this, right? But I mean, but you but you made a lot. of people have podcasts now. You're. powerful person behind. >> Listen, I think people were going to. have podcasts whether I. >> g the platform like [ __ ] I'm on you. got me on here. You know the other shows.

like late night shows don't have comics. anymore. >> They don't. Well, that's silly. But also. they're just so hampered anyway to. hamper because it's all. >> it the whole show was a it's not not to. knock late night shows because some of. them are fun to watch but it's basically. it's publicity for a bunch of stuff. right it's like someone's coming on to. promote an album someone's coming on to. promote a movie nothing wrong with that. right but the problem is it's not what. the host is interested in right and to I. think the the way that those shows are.

you're handicapped in a way where you. have to get on the famous people you. have to get on the Rockstar. You have to. You can't just have weird people come. on. You can't have some guy who work for. the CIA come on and tell you about. aliens. This is what I know so far. >> But that would be the whatever guest. like the third middle guy. They have. >> You can do that though. You can't do it. You first of all, you only have 10. minutes. Each guest is like in and out. real quick. You have barely enough time. to scratch the surface of like one or. two stories. >> You don't get You don't get. >> I guess when I used to do it, I used to. I do it I did it I don't know how many.

times I did the Tonight Show, but they. it was always I never was promoting. anything. In fact, the one time I had. something to actually promote, they. didn't want to put me on. I said, "I'm. trying to promote chairman of the board, this movie, and they're like, "Nah." But. >> that's hilarious. >> Yeah. >> The one time you wanted. >> I really did. No, I did. I have this. this movie coming out. And I remember. that movie. Yeah. They're like, "Nah.". I'm like, "I'm I got a movie, Jay. I got. a you know, I got I'm in a movie.". >> Now, the weirdest one I would ask you, I. was going to reverse this to you if uh. who's the strangest You said strange. guest. me think of this that you've had.

to do in front of uh I'll tell you mine. real quick. So I I was on the Tonight. Show and Dick Cheney was on. >> Oh. >> And I mean I have nothing against I mean. it's just it's. >> like sulfur. >> Well I had five maybe six props Dick. Cheney props on purpose right because. >> cuz Dick Cheney was there. >> No I I had like three just because I'm. topical all the time in the show. I already have them in my show, but then. when they said, "Dick, you're going to.

be on with Dick Cheney," I said, "Oh. [ __ ] can I do?" And so I started. writing more. >> So I had like six and I opened with. them, right? So but the weird part was I. get there and we rehearsal secret. service. Everybody's there that, you. know, I can't I can't get to my own. room. Princess guys, you can't go by. again. No. So I I I finally rehearsed. and and they're like the people are. like, you know, he's gonna be a guest. I. said, "Well, no, it's just why I'm doing. it, right?" And they're like, Jay's. like, "You know, I I don't know." I.

said, "Well, you know, it's very topical. It's it's". And I think it's funny that he's there, right? So Jay come, this is right for. the show. He said, "Um, is he going to. stay or is he going to leave because. Secret Service is surrounding me like. going to go grab him and go?" And Jay's. like, "Well, I I don't know what I mean, I can ask him." And I'm thinking, well, just between you and me, I mean, this is. like behind the curtain, >> right? >> What do What do you think? Is it better. if he's there and I do it and they keep.

cutting over to him or if he's gone and. I do it and I keep looking like, thank. God he's gone. What's funnier? And he's. like, I don't know. I mean, I if you're. fine. I said, I think it if he could. stay, it would be better because it's. really funny. I'm doing it right in. front of the [ __ ] guy, >> right? >> So they said, okay. So they go back. He. talks. He goes back. He says, okay. E. thing. So he goes back to the desk and. they laden, please welcome me in a fun. camera top and I came out. >> Great impression. >> Yeah, good good friend of the.

wacky guy from Vegas. And so I walk out. and I go right off. I I said I look over. I said, "Hey, I I said funny that you're. here." And I I pull out probably can. find this. We pull it out and I have a. Dick Cheney gun and it's a it's a rifle. with a the the thing goes this way. because he shot the guy in the head. And. I mean, it's already like, holy [ __ ]. right? Like, I I found your gun. Oh, sorry, Bill. And it's like, it didn't The crowd didn't know at first. cuz they're all looking at him. They're. looking at him. See if he'll laugh.

>> Yeah. Well, he's got that, you know, just pissed, right? So, I I I. go, "Right." And I do another one. I had. an operation game. you know, the. operation had his his face on it because. they he's always getting operation. and I had a book where the thing it was. just like five or six Dick Cheney jokes. >> Finally, I I keep looking over and I'm. like, you know, we're good. You're not. going to have me you're not going to. have me audited or I'm going to be. killed here. And you know, Jay's every. now the crowd's really getting and now.

the Cheny's looking at me like, how many. more [ __ ] he even says, how many more. do we I said, I got one more and then. we'll move on. So I do one more Cheney. joke. Now he's kind of he's kind of. laughing but still kind of like this is. aggravating. Then I go and I do um a a. piggy bank for gay guys and it's a it's. a piggy bank where the slot is in the. [ __ ] instead of the top of the thing. Right. It's a great prop. It's a piggy. bank for gay guys. Murders. I mean I did. a great great set. I get done.

>> I walk over. I sit down and there's. something going on like the the the the. there's a ruckus. this like secret. service something going the writers the. producers and Jay and Jay gets up and he. and I'm just sitting there with Dick. Cheney and the lady comes over and she. goes oh my god that was that was that. was the best set you've ever done I said. thank you Tracy and she said um I look. over and said thank you for being good. sport it was where do you find all this. I said no I make it he thought I just. found it all said no I I make where do. you find all this stuff I said I made it.

you made that it's pretty clever his. daughter is is there. And apparently all those Dick Cheney. jokes were fine. But when I did the gay. piggy bank, she lost her mind. Like. >> you can't do that. >> No, I don't know. I She She. >> lost her mind like. >> like really mad that I did a gay piggy. bank joke on the show. Forget I just did. five jokes about her father. So the. everyone was taking her out of the.

studio. >> She was losing her. She was screaming. and so they took her out of the studio. >> Just the gay piggy bank. That's it. >> Yeah. It was like I can't believe that. you that. in front of my father and I I thought. you were making fun of me because I'm. doing a dick ch I shot your dad joke. >> The gay piggy bank is what set her up. >> It was the gay piggy bank. >> Is this Liz Cheney? >> I think I don't know. It was one of the. daughters. I don't know. >> How many daughters do you have? >> I don't know. That's why I think it. might have been. >> How many two? >> One of the daughters. One of them. One.

of the daughters. I don't think it was. >> allegedly. alleged Could have been an. imposter. Could have been an imposttor. It was a crazy person. Pretend to be one. of the daughters. >> Dick Cheney's daughter Liz are both. staunchly against Donald Trump despite. being Republicans. But why are Liz and. Mary once feuding over samesex marriage? >> How How are they feuding over that? Let's find out. >> What's that? >> I just was trying to add. I don't have. >> When was this? >> I don't know. >> I know you're trying to add, but now I'm. curious like what this article is from a.

year ago. What? A year ago, someone's upset about. same-sex marriage. What are they saying? >> Well, this I mean the the election. >> I had I had another prop that. >> Hold on. What is. >> the election was a year ago, so it. wasn't it was had to do with that. That's why they mentioned Donald Trump. in that, >> right? Well, what is uh what is the. sameex marriage dispute between. >> I don't know. >> cuz I I need to know. >> Yeah, some people are still arguing. about that in 202. >> Okay. And they believe in samesex. marriage. The other one doesn't. Well,

>> it'd be funny if it was the other way. around. >> Gay was like, I want to be illegal. [ __ ] What? I don't know which one. We. don't know. I don't know which daughter. was. >> I don't I don't either. I'm assuming it. was probably the one that was gay. Maybe. then. >> maybe two daughters just hating on each. other. It's like, well, I don't think. you should get married. >> I had I had another one that was kind of. strange cuz uh it was a dumb joke. Maybe. made me think of you said marriage. So, right when gay marriage became legal in. certain states, it was like four states. I had a big map, a big map that I would.

hold up and I say, "Hey, gay marriage is. now legal." Uh, and this is a map to to. show people and it would have these um. right where the states were, there were. these little penises on springs, whatever. And it was it was so it was. just dumb, right? So, I rehearsed it and the, you know, the crew is [ __ ] going crazy. They're. like, "Ah, Sky [ __ ] dildos." And, you. know, you can't do dildos on NBC. And so. this lady comes over, she goes, "You. can't." I said, "I know. I I.

mean, I think it's silly enough, you. know, they're not they're just on. springs." And she she I would always. fight with her. She said, "No." So I. said, "All right, if I come up with a. different idea without dicks on it, can. I do it?" She's like, "Yeah." So I. thought, "I don't know what I'll do. I I took the. springs off and I had the the guys back. there at the Tonight Show print out Ryan. Serest faces, you know, like four of. them, >> right? >> And I put them wrote the gay marriages.

Now Ryan Secret is a good friend of mine. and everyone was making fun of him right. back then. Oh, he's gay and not clearly. But the joke would be and it kill, right? >> It's funny. >> So I I come back and I go, "How about. this?" And she's like, "Oh my god, that's" I said, "I know him. He's not. gonna he'll he'll probably text me and. say, "Why would you do that?". Jay comes over and goes, "Oh, you know, he's really a good friend of mine." I. said, "No, Jay." I said, "He's a friend. of mine, too. He's It's funny. It's not.

It's not anything." He's like, "Yeah, if. you if you if you if you really if you. could just dude sensitive, >> is he?". >> No. No. >> And but Jay was very protective of I. said, "No, it's" He said, "No, you know, the NBC thing that's my friend, I don't. think it's necessary." I said, "Well, yeah, I can put like you want me to put. like like I said like dick, you know, Richard Nixon dicks or something?" He. said, "No, just get rid of just get rid. of the just get rid of the joke." I. said, "It's funny.". >> [ __ ]. >> Yeah, >> we're fighting over Brian Cre.

>> That's the problem with, you know, having editorial access to someone's act. when they're doing a Tonight Show set. It should be like, "No, >> it should be like, look, if you want. [ __ ] the Black Crows to play, they. sing their song. You know what the song. is that? you know what the lyrics are, that's fine. But with a comic, >> you can't you can't tell them they can't. do something. >> Well, they ask they as nicely. And I of. course I I had I had 40 other props. I. didn't need to do that. >> You're even swearing. Like, what are you. doing? You're being silly. It's silly.

Like, come on. >> I did break the law with them once. >> What' you do? >> I I was doing a bill a podium for Bill. Clinton and it it was the closing bit. and I would do the stupid voice to like. I did not. And there was this, you know, presidential seal on this podium. and it had a true false buzzer button. It go bing. and it would be it was just so stupid, you know, like I did not have and you. hit the button. I did not have I will.

not raise and then you know I [ __ ]. her. Ding ding ding something. I forgot. the joke now. But the the the closing. punch of the whole thing was right after. I'm doing the podium that would kill. I. could just stop on that. I had a foot. pedal where uh Monith Gwinsky's head. would come up like a on a beret. literally. This is great. Took a hard. took engineering to do this. And so I'd. go I did not and then I hit the foot. pedal and the the woman the beret would. come up and I'd go not now. Just that's. all I had just not now. And in the.

rehearsal it was just it was the. >> they were like that's the best thing. you've ever brought here. My god. And I. says yeah great. here. Here comes my. lady with her new pad. And I said, "Oh, fuck." She goes, "Everything is good. Stand standards and practice." I said, "Uh, I said,"Oh." And I give her a hug. I said, "This is the first time I've. come and everything got approved." And. she says, "Yeah." I went back to my. dressing room. I'm like, "I can't. believe I get to do that's my closing. bed that [ __ ] is going to kill.".

Right before I'm talking a minute before. I come in, she walks in. She's like, "Okay, you can do the podium, but you. can't you can't put her head down." And. I said, "Why? You can't use your hand to. force her head down. That's just that. that can't that can't it can come up. You just can't force it down.". I run to the prop department. I said, "Is there a way you can because I had. made it. They don't know my They're. looking like I don't know. I made it. I.

didn't. Is there a way I can it can. release and go down without me touching. it? And they're like, I don't know. They. looked at it and I'm on in five minutes. I said, "Fuck it." So, I I do the whole. thing. I said, "I did not." And the head. comes up and I said, "Not now." And I. use my elbow to put it down. And of. course, the crowd it killed. And it. would have better if I did this, but I. said, "Not now." I get done. I come over. and I can see her [ __ ] fuming. She. comes running over me because they. always come and say, "What a great set. Oh, you did so good.

Tracy Fist did. She said that was. phenomenal. I said uh I said I that was. Jay's like how do I get that? And I said. the stands and practice lady coming. over. Ah [ __ ] And I said I'm in. trouble. She's like. I said I didn't do that. I did this. We. go show's over. Thank you tomorrow. night. Then she comes over. Okay. If I. get fired over this I said you're not. going to get fired over this. Oh no. They've already bleeped it out on the on.

the west coast east coast. It went live. I said, "Bleep out what? You can't force. her head." I said, "I didn't force I. didn't use my hand. I used my elbow.". She just looked at me like, "You [ __ ]. like so clever." I said, "Well, you said. don't use my hand.". So, everything was fine after that. But, it did get bleeped out and the and it. just it went, you know, [ __ ] the joke. up because they went, "I did not." And. then, you know, edit it right to just. good night. Like there wasn't a. punchline.

>> Yeah. Well, >> you ever get in trouble for something. like. >> Not like that. No. >> Well, that this is when I got in. trouble. I got banned from Fox uh I. think for life uh for this. And this is. >> for something else. >> This is really weird. Yeah. I was doing. the country no Billboard Music Awards. and they asked me to do a a little bit. with Chris Rock. It's Chris Rock and me. and he he you know it's it was such. great together because he's like you. know top you know and I'm out there was.

stupid and but Chris Rock is you know so. he and I go out we do our rehearsal and. I had like four props. or something and the guy came over like. in a panic right middle of the show it's. already happened our bits coming up in. about 40 minutes he says I need you guys. to go longer and Chris Rock's like um. bye All right. What do he said? Just. come up with something. And I said, "Well, I can go I can I can have my guy. go back to the MGM and grab a few more.

props." That'd be awesome. Chris was. like, "Yeah, perfect. You know, we'll. kill the time without having to change. too much and I can just pull out more. shit.". I go and I tell him, I go, "Go TV clean. Get get like this. Get the thing the. towel with the misspelled and then the. one of the seat the toilet seats.". So I added it was a it was a it was a it. was a great joke. It was a toilet seat. with a seat belt. So when you eat a Taco. Bell, right, you sit on it and I put it.

on. >> and I and my sound sound effect in the. show is say, "Houston, we have a. problem." And it it's a great stupid. little bit. But there's about 20 toilet. seats leading up to that one. I was. like, I'm not kidding. Like 30 toilet. seats. I had one that held women's hair. when they throw up. I had one that. lights up. I had one with spikes on it. There's so many. So, the last one was. the seat belt, right? So, it it's very. clean, right? It does great. We walk back and I'm. thinking they're going to come. high-fived me because we just saved the.

show. We added, >> you know, we added time they needed. >> The guy's like, "F they they they banned me because I. said Taco Bell because it was sponsored. by Taco Bell.". How the [ __ ] am I supposed to know it's. sponsored by Taco Bell? That's real [ __ ]. >> Yeah, >> dude. That's. >> I'm like I didn't say [ __ ] They said, "No, you said Taco Bell." I'm like, >> "Oh my god, >> how do I get fined for that? They fought. your banned for life.". >> That's hilarious, dude.

>> Cuz I said Taco Bell. I didn't know. I. mean, I'm not the guy. They should have. come to me and said, "Don't do anything. with Taco Bell.". >> 100%. That's not on you. That's a normal. reference for a car. >> Oh, no. >> That's funny. >> Yeah. Not funny really. I mean, funny. now. They would have been pumped if you. said Dell Taco. >> All right. >> Yeah. Go after if they Now see, if they. told me that, I would have. >> Yeah. Easy. >> I would have done that. >> Hey, brother. This was a lot of fun. Thank you for doing this again. It was a. lot of fun and I'm looking forward to. seeing you on Kil Tony. And anybody.

wants to check him out, Kerattop is at. the Luxor in Las Vegas, Nevada on a. regular basis. What's the best way to. find out when you're. >> just text me? Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Las Vegas. I mean, uh, keratop.com. or, uh, Las Vegas. Uh, >> beautiful. All right, my man. Thank you. A lot of fun. >> All right. Bye, everybody. [Music]. [Applause]. [Music].