Joe Rogan Experience #2144 - Chris Distefano

Joe Rogan podcast check it out The Joe. Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan. podcast by night all. day I never know what's going on with. you if this is like an act or if this is. part of the fun of being Chrissy D I. mean no Well Chrissy D was all fun in. games was was third person now we're. coming into a part two two major things. have happened here okay.

I've uh refound my love for Christ and. I'm back believing I'm back being. Catholic I'm back in nice got two feet. in Catholicism we're back baby and then. the other thing is is I made I I uh six. months ago I had this beautiful house. Staten Island right everything we wanted. sold the house because I was having. anxiety about doing a show at Radio City. swear to God I I my brain couldn't.

process it that way but through therapy. the therapist figured out and it's right. because I checked on this with my. girlfriend and she was like that's. exactly what you did gu was very nervous. about Radio City didn't know where to. put that energy because he's a big show. a New York guy big biggest weekend of my. life I so I said about two weeks before. Radio City came home I said we're. putting up the house for sale I want to. be able to walk to a bagel store we. can't walk to a bagel store at this. house on Staten Island I need that for. my creative process and my girl was like. what are you doing we just renovated our.

kitchen the living we just you just. poured money into this is our home I was. like I can't walk to a bagel store and. my it's going to [ __ ] my comedy up it. will and she yeah and and then you know. if and then people if you knew my. address back then you would know that. there's a bit was a bagel store 0.9. miles away um that I didn't know about. but but you had a dreamhouse I had a. dream house that I that we put to our. liking and I said I couldn't didn't. understand it then I said we're selling.

the house and I convinced my family cuz. that's what we can do right as Comics I. convince them I have them buy this story. convince my girl my family what's going. to be better for us is to sell this. five-bedroom house here's what we here's. the move we're going to sell this. five-bedroom house for about $300,000. under asking price we're going to get. out of this puppy we're going to sell. that we're going to move to Queens where. we can walk to stuff in bagel stores and. be in Civilization we're going to. temporarily live in a two-bedroom. apartment um and and and then we're. eventually going to move into a condo.

and life's going to be better because uh. you know we won't have to I won't have. to care for these grounds anymore I. won't have to throw at the garbage we'll. be safe in an apartment people can't. come in the back window of our home and. this will be the move and um I did that. and then the apartment that we had lined. up fell through uh we we left the. apartment we were living in cuz it had. roaches uh Jasmine almost left me she. was almost like I can't be a part of. your chaos and self-sabotage anymore and.

I had to kind of really just say what. the hell did I just do how what figure. this problem out went back into therapy. turned back into religion starting to. find some answers and now we're living. in a home that we're renting that we. like and we're kind of settling in but. that I learned the valuable Le I learned. the lesson of self-sabotage the hard way. the hardest the it's weird what's going. on in my career right now selling the. most tickets I've ever had financially. the best I've ever done getting all.

these opportunities was the worst vers. was the worst version of me as a human. being not because I was just. self-sabotaging after self-sabotaging. and I couldn't didn't know why do you. have friends that you could talk to. about this stuff yeah but they're you. know not they call me gay you know what. I mean like they're old school New York. guys that are like I don't [ __ ] know. dude get a therapist and I'm like well. yeah I I I what I had to do what I I I. really felt like nobody could really. help me with this I was like I got to. just turn to professional therapist and.

then I go into and then I turn to back. to going to church and I was like well. at least I have like if anything for me. church is just an hour a week to just. meditate and sit there and I have. nothing I have no thoughts I have no. technology I'm like this just me and. whoever I think God is that that's how I. feel about it but that chaos stuff that. you know CU people always you know. Chrissy chaos I I was actually living in. it and I was like okay now what I've. done now now I've like hurt my family.

now I've now I've done a thing that's. like not funny now I've like taken. things from my kids because I thought my. kids would be like oh yeah dad like like. my 8-year-old we had that you know this. moment that kids are just kids I'm like. telling them like isn't this great baby. like we can walk to the bagel store now. we can go to the park we're not like. living off the side of a highway and she. was like well I love that we had a pool. and I was like Yeah but isn't it better. that we can you know don't have a pool. now we can go to like the pool club and. she was like you know no she was like.

honestly she was like we did it for you. so I'm happy that you're happy but I I. miss my friends and then I was like oh. my God what the [ __ ] did I do so so I. kind of have been like backtracking as. much as I can little by little to try to. like recorrect these mistakes and now my. family is more on board now my family's. like Hey we're we're on we're with you. we we you you know we're with you but we. got to figure this out so now we're. we're settled finally in a place and. we're kind of falling in love with the.

neighborhood we're living in as time has. went on um and my kids are finding. friends and all that and we are not. going to I'm not going to take that from. them I'm not going to you know be like. well you wherever we are now we're going. to stay for years so they can build the. bonds and the friendships that they need. that I inadvertently took away from them. without me even realizing H can I have. those Edibles so this uh anxiety ramped. up when success ramped up yes so here.

here I sound like a therapist here but. are you is it because you're worried. it's going to go away is that the. anxiety like what is the anxiety like. what is the fear no it wasn't any of. that it it. was it was I believe I have confidence I. believe that I'm in this business I can. do it and I believe that like we're all. together now especially how comedy is. now I feel like we're all like this big. brother Sisterhood like we'll help each. other if one of us is falling like we we. got each other I believe in that but I.

think that the actual anxiety of the day. of you know again being a New York guy. one night Radio City the next night the. theater at MSG all these for me a lot of. tickets you know 10,000 plus tickets. which is you know that's huge for me I I. I I was like how am I going to balance. all this what if I don't do well what if. what if what if one of these 10,000. people realizes that I'm thinks that I'm. some kind of fraud thinks that like hey. one is going to right always right.

there's always people that are going to. find some negative thing in anything so. now now I've gotten to that point to. accept that I'm wildly different not. wildly different but I'm much better now. than I was in September when all this. stuff was going on because I've just. kind of accepted that I don't really. have control of what others think maybe. you need a thing other other than just. comedy that you do that's not like. career oriented like a hobby like some.

kind of other interest that you really. enjoy that you could focus on so what I. did I'm I'm trans people is that what it. is that's yes trans feet I'm really into. weaky feed for specifically trans women. and um so no what I think is well what. I've done because I haven't got to the. Hobby yet what I've done is I've really. I thought I I was always focused on my. kids always being a father is everything. to me but I said what you just said I I. said I'm going to really just focus on.

being a dad being home coming off the. road a little bit just just temporarily. doing my thing in New York keeping my. podcast going keeping my name out there. but not going on this national tour. getting away from that for now I've shot. a special it's going to come out at the. end of the year I'm like be home be with. the kids be picking them up be at the. park with them focus on like give. yourself a schedule I'm a comedian from. 9 to 5 and then or 9 to3 when you pick. up your and then when you pick up your. kids just for now you just be with them.

and then and that's really helped and. now like last night I was at your club. which is awesome I was at your club and. that was the first time I was on stage. in about six weeks since I shot the. special oh really and I felt so I did. some of the same material that I was cuz. I've been writing but I was like I don't. want to try a brand new thing right here. I did one new thing but I was like oh. wow I felt like that little mental. experiment helped me like I was so. excited to be on stage again I've found. like reconnected and you something that. you do that I noticed last night and I.

was like huh you you know how much. there's really there's really nothing. more you can do in comedy right I mean. you've done everything the biggest you. can get is is you've achieved which is. beautiful but I still saw you yesterday. obsessing over your hour and thinking. about like how do I make that joke. better which is why you've gotten here. and I had that question in my head. yesterday I got back to the hotel I was. like do I have that do I is it okay that. I don't have it like Joe does that mean. I'm going to not be successful does that. mean I does that kind of uh are we all.

just different because I love comedy but. I was like I don't know like I I just. shot a special and was like you know. what I need some time off where I don't. know that you've ever done that right I. mean you've never taken a big break from. standup well I took a big break during. Co right but but other than that you've. always been like you have a love and a. passion that's it you're not worried. about like you're never looking at your. watch being like is an hour up yet you. know when you're podcast you're never. been like I got to get an hour you just. flow you're just free in the moment. flowing with passion which is very.

admirable and and I and I look at that. sometimes and I question myself or I'm. like do I have that I know I've been. relatively successful in this and I do. love it but I'm like do I have that I. wonder if therapy is not a good thing. for a person like you okay why do you. think because I've never heard that I. wonder if like obsessing about your. problems makes your problems bigger mhm. and that maybe you just need another. thing to focus on that maybe alleviates. anxiety like some kind of a like a. hardcore workout thing. okay do you work out yes what do you do.

uh well yesterday yesterday I did Hot. Yoga that's great yeah just because I. was like I was on the plane wanted to do. the hot yoga drip and sweat crazy and. then today today I did uh I ran uh two. miles and then I did um with 30 lb. dumbbells I did uh one Burpee one press. 10 times ramp that up to five so you. know went all the way up to 1 two three. so it was a lot lot of burpees with that. then did farmers carries ball slams.

thing I was Dripping in sweat I was. trying to do that start does that help. you it does I always feel I always feel. after a workout great cuz I was an. athlete I played basketball my entire. life to the point where my friends from. home are like you never mention. basketball and that's the thing you were. known as in the neighborhood everybody. KN knew you as basketball they used to. call me gums CU I have big gums so they. would call me gums but they would call. me Dirk you know Little Durk like. basketball was my whole life you big. gums see how they're see how they're.

kind of big no you're doing that I could. do that too no I know but when I smile. like they're just I have gingivitis let. me see you smile no they seem pretty. [ __ ] normal no they I think you're. thinking too much well they us I really. do yeah I mean well no they used to call. me gums I mean I I those people are rude. I've had the same size head and teeth. since I'm seven so I've always looked. kind of weird your head grew into your. teeth yeah I just was born with this big. fat head and big teeth but but they uh. so basketball was an obsession. phery myor degree was an obsession and.

then comedy became an obsession and I. think I have this thing in my head I I. have to stay in the present but. sometimes I can't help it where I'm like. well is this your obsession ending now. and you're going to find another. Obsession yeah the it's the thinking. about the negative possibilities that. are dangerous right you know like I. think Elon posted this on Twitter that. uh having anxiety is literally like. having a conspiracy theory against. yourself got it. that's pretty yeah that's I kind of cuz.

you're like thinking oh my God what if. this all falls apart so you're dwelling. on that but it's weird but it's not. falling apart that's the thing which is. what I don't understand which is weird. because yeah CU I feel confident I don't. feel like I don't feel like help me I. feel like I can I can figure anything. out right I'm a I'm a biological male do. you think that maybe the worrying that. it's going to fall apart is what keeps. you on track because you're like I can't. let it fall apart you know I have a.

family I have a lot of responsibilities. I have to I have to keep killing I have. to keep doing great right yeah I it. feels specifically yeah if I feel like. if I I do feel like it's all on me with. my family nobody else in my family works. and I take care of multiple family. members which I'm proud to do I don't. feel like that's a burden I feel like. this is great this makes me feel at. times when I feel emasculated that's. something that makes me feel masculine. you know when I'm like oh I don't know. how to build anything and I'm you know I. got my girlfriend here putting up.

sheetrock and I'm like I can build. [ __ ] walls emotionally I don't know. how to do anything else other than that. I was like you at least I can at least I. feel like you know what I can take care. of this family like you rely on me for. that and I guess there is something in. comedy you know um I guess because it's. not like a day job a daily paycheck. coming in every two weeks maybe that. seeps in but it's weird because I am. very conf I've always been confident in. anything I do I've always felt like I my. father would tell me from when I was a. little kid you control your part you.

control the output not the outcome he. said that to me a million times you. control your output not your outcome. just control your output and the outcome. is irrelevant it doesn't matter if you. win or lose I don't care about that how. are you playing and so I feel like I. control my output as best I can but yet. yet then I sit with these thoughts kind. of uh you know they they they eat at me. sometimes you know but and then maybe it. comes out in weird ways where I'm like. well I'll just sell my house or I'll you. know I have a grid family thing right.

now but maybe I'll you know maybe I'll. fall in love with the actress from baby. reindeer I don't know did you ever talk. to anybody before you sold your house. like talk to one of your friends I was. able to convince all of them that it was. the right move you couldn't have. convinced me I wish I got on the phone. you I know I wish you and I got got rid. of a great mortgage rate I I really. [ __ ] up so but I but I take I mean. three I was I had like free money from. the bank I really [ __ ] up and but I. but I'm aware of that and I'm kind of. saying along these lines you you know I. really [ __ ] up I do believe I've.

learned a lesson I do believe that I. would never do that again and I do. believe it wasn't fatal for us but I was. like I really like I've never been that. guy I would manufacture problems in my. brain I would say oh you know this is an. issue but it's minor it's not it's. self-obsessed narcissistic like. disgusting like Chris get over yourself. self-obsessed [ __ ] get over yourself. I would and I would and I would do that. and then kind of tell myself like you're. being gross stop Chris like your family.

you have a pain in your big toe it's not. brain cancer shut up and you know your. family needs you and then so I would I. would do that but then I actually did. give myself a big problem I had two. major problems I had this house sale and. then I had a family member who really. was acting crazy like crazy crazy crazy. where I was like this is now a nightmare. this has become an issue so I'm like now. for the first time in the past nine. months I'm like you you one self-induced.

one not and you've created now how do. you deal with this how do you think you. created the problem with your family. member acting crazy because I enabled. them I I'm I feel specifically how did. you do that I feel well because I was. giving them you know money I was I was I. was not aware that an issue was going on. I was kind of giv a drug issue yes and I. was allowing them you know like to to do. things and say things and I was just. like this is fun it's it's chaos baby.

and then and then not realizing like hey. man you're affecting way more you're. going to be the head of this family than. be the head of this family they're going. to follow your lead and your lead right. now no matter how much you tell yourself. I don't do drugs I don't do drink I. don't drink too much I'm I'm you know. stable You're Not Buddy like you have to. put your feet down right now and your. family's you know might my 8-year-old is. she's old enough now to somebody will. you know somebody in her class will be. like oh your dad's the comic he's pretty.

filthy right so my daughter's now is at. an age where she's you know I've never. mentioned them nobody knows what they. look like I'm not that but but I'm like. oh there's responsibilities now there's. there's repercussions for things we're. doing now my kids they're not little. anymore my 13-year-old I have 138 and. two my 2-year-old's obviously a baby but. 13 and8 you're going to have to now. really really really get your [ __ ]. together and I think that was scary. because nobody really in my family no. male figures at least even though my. father's a great man nobody really got. their [ __ ] together right I was like I'm.

the only one who went to college I'm the. only one who pursued anything I'm the. only one who's ever even owned a home. you know so so even though I sold it. immediately so how long did you have it. for about two years and I sold it for. way under my neighbor who I didn't. consult with was like why if you wanted. to move fine I get it Staten Island is. not for everybody even though I love. Staten Island but you ruined the. property value he was like yes he was. like what the [ __ ] and he was like you. so sold it who the [ __ ] did you sell.

this to and you sold it for hundreds of. thousands of dollars less than it was. worth why did you do that cuz I just. wanted to get out I just wanted to move. so he just accepted the first offer yes. I just needed action my father was a is. a like his marriage with my mother got. ruined because he was a hardcore Gambler. hardcore Gamblers Anonymous Ru like. that's a scary disease yes gamble gamble. and my father told me you know even. before I started doing this my father. was always like you you do not gamble.

okay if I ever see you learning card. tricks if I ever see you knowing what. gambling on Sports any of that you're. really going to upset me and like this. is the only demand I have of you is do. not Gamble and what I believe has. happened is I don't gamble I don't even. know what the point spreads and the vigs. and I don't know what any of that means. because my f and card games you can put. cards in front of me I have no idea. what's happening people talk about you. know um parlay bets I have no idea. what's happening I don't know what it's.

a foreign language to me because of I. was like I'm going to do that but what. I've realized now is well of course I'm. gambling still I'm just not playing card. games and betting you're just taking. risks with your life I might be taking. bigger risks with my life than he could. because now I'm you know he's was gamble. yes he lost his marriage to my mom which. sucks but you know whatever you gambled. you know he you know some guys wanted to. kill him because he owed money got taken. care of and then he went to Gamblers. Anonymous and at least he was like well. I have this disease and I don't do it.

anymore and I respect my dad for that he. got out of the he got out of it but I'm. like man I was going down this path. where like how many more decisions was I. was I going to make how many more times. was I going to gamble because I was like. I didn't realize and this this last nine. months I was like wow dude you really. [ __ ] are looking it in the face now. like these decisions I mean dude when. your 8-year-old is looks at you like. what the [ __ ] did you do right that's. all you know your mom and dad can tell.

you [ __ ] even your wife and girlfriend. can tell you [ __ ] which I all love and. respect when your daughter is like what. did you do why did you do this to us. right you kind of have this major wakeup. call where it was like yeah when I moved. here I was very lucky that my kids. wanted to move here right right and it. was lucky during the time that we moved. there was a real clear reason cuz La was. [ __ ] right but and they love it here. so I'm happy but if they didn't I I'd. feel [ __ ] terrible and if I had sold. the house like that y especially if. there's a real Bagel store9 miles away.

shout out Manor Bagels on stand they had. excellent Bagels shout him out he just. didn't know yeah I didn't know until I. sold buy back into the neighborhood I. know well that's funny my girl was like. do you think we can contact the people. who bought our home and buy it back and. buy it back even though it's twice the. mortgage rate and you'll have to pay. more money like it would make us happy. and I reached out to him and he was like. no he can't do it and it's funny I sold. it to you know Staten Island's like a. funny it's the people on Staten Island. are great they really really are but. like when we first got there you know.

it's like an old school if you don't. know Staten now it's like an old school. New York City neighborhood it's like the. only burrow that is like you know kind. of like more Republican than anything. like they are like Freedom like American. flag you will see American flags. everywhere y on Staten Island and um. wuang Clan and wuang Clan right wuang is. on one part but you know Staten Island. Staten Island baby and uh and and so. they you know they're like when I moved. in you know I come in here it's me you.

know like you know I'm Italian whatever. but then my whole family is Puerto Rican. and my neighbors for like the first two. weeks just cuz I didn't know I told my. neighbors that my wife was Italian my. girl was Italian not Puerto Rican Li I. swear to God I told her were Puerto. Rican and then and then my neighbor. who's a great guy he's a doctor he. finally came over to me once and he goes. you know we know he's Puerto. Rican he said Chrissy it's no issue why. did you like I thought that's what I was. supposed to do and then and then I sold.

the house and again it's not you know I. sold a house to a Palestinian family. which whatever right who they would they. palan flag yes they have very they're. very nice people but I sold them and now. you know they're proud of their country. and then you know I sold them before. this whole [ __ ] started popping off so. now my that same neighbor is like way to. [ __ ] go and he'll send me pictures. and then it's funny cuz like they have a. you know a flag outside and my now my. neighbor got a American flag twice as.

big as theirs just [ __ ] stamping that. so I'm like so now I've caused. a conflict Community conflict why don't. you just offer them more money the. Palestinians maybe they're uncomfortable. there now well so actually what has. happened is when I contacted them is. they they have like multiple family. members living in there now they have. like so they're like we can't this is. our house like we have to stay like we. they have a baby they have a whole so. and I I [ __ ] up um but I do feel I do.

feel that um we I'm confident we can we. are getting out of it and I'm confident. in my abilities are you going to go back. to Staten Island I I have been looking. at houses on Staten Island. yes I have and we actually we we put an. offering on one last week you're a fun. mess thank you it's a fun mess cuz it's. not the worst kind of mess like if you. were a gambling addict that's a scary. mess or drugs drugs is a scary mess yeah. those are scary ones because those they. SL people slip away and then they find. theirself at OTB and they're [ __ ].

betting money they don't have and they. just they get that Rush yeah and when. you see people that get that gamblers. Rush it's just like a drug addict like. their eyes gloss over like they just. need that fix they need that bet you've. seen uncut gems right sure phenomenal. anxiety oh yeah that movie so good so. nuts well that's when I watched it with. my dad my dad was like this is what life. was like this is this is what it was for. me I I knew so many people like that in. the pool hall yeah that were like that. just it's a wild thing to watch cuz you.

realize like oh it's a drug you're. getting a drug you're getting uh this. weird anxiety fix his dopamine fix. whatever it is from gambling yeah and my. father like inadvertently like CU you. know my loves me you know Loves Me Like. a phenomenal father right they divorced. when I was one you know my mom my dad. lived on Staten Island my mom all the. way in Queens if you know if you're not. that's like a 2hour commute he could he. didn't have a car he was taking the. ferry and trains and never missed one. visitation with me was at all my games. but even in the throws of the addiction.

like he would take me to the OTB. Racetrack and I I loved it he was like. we're going to watch the hores Chrissy. you have a yooo we'll have fun but you. know he would always tell me you know. you could leave my mother's house right. where where where she still lives and. you could go to the right was church and. to the left was the OTB racetrack but it. kind of the church was like at a top of. a triangle so you could go either way. and get to the church and my my father. told me he' always be like you know when. you're going to church mother though you. always go to the right okay you don't.

walk to the left never walk past that. OTB with your mother to the right. because he knew that the dirt bags who. hung out outside there knew me and and. so one day we walked that way and they. all started going up so like there he is. Chrissy good luck charm there he is. there he is and my mother was like how. do you know those men how do you know. those men honey and I was like you know. my you know sometimes dad walks with me. past that way and then she was like you. tell me right now is he taking you into. that OTB Racetrack and then I like. didn't know like what the [ __ ] to do I. was had that moment like do I side with.

my mom or side with my dad and that was. I remember like first time feeling like. anxiety but you know I one thing about I. just kind of always sided with my dad so. I was like no I was like I've I've never. been in there I don't know how those. guys know me but then of course she. found out and you know I got in big. trouble. but but it's what it. is God damn man dude by the way I love. Austin so much I really do I've I got. into the car today. um you know the the send a car for me to.

come here I appreciate I get in the car. you know real nice suit and tie driver. and then he stepped in dog [ __ ] as soon. as he got into the car he's walking and. I see him go oh [ __ ] and then he steps. in dog [ __ ] and he's just driving in the. car and it SM the entire car smells like. dog [ __ ] and I said sir did you step in. dog [ __ ] and he said yeah I did and I. was like oh okay he was like you want me. to take my shoes off I can throw them. out right here and I was like you'll. drive this car barefoot he goes abs. absolutely and I was like no dude it's.

okay I was like you're willing to drive. this car barefoot he goes you're my. customer I'll drive barefoot for you and. I was like dude I [ __ ] love it and. then he's waiting for me here and I was. like what are you going to do man he was. like I'm going to find a paper towel and. I'm going wipe down these shoes you. better bet you better believe it ain't. going to smell like [ __ ] in here when. you come back I was like good for you. dude thank you but full dog [ __ ] yeah. good people out here they're good people. out here have you met I mean there's not. jobs everywhere though right oh sure.

yeah there's a lot of lots of crazy. people here there crazy people whenever. you have a large population there's two. million people in this area but that's. not that much no no that's what's good. about it it's like people aren't a. burden yes because you have the space. yeah if you live in New York City if you. live in LA people become a burden. because there's so many of them you. don't appreciate them see the thing with. New York I agree and New York now it. never felt that way I you know my whole. life there but recently New York has.

become a place still great still my home. City but the problems that you would. always hear about like you know people. would say oh it's conspiracy or like you. you're watching that [ __ ] on the news. now you're actually seeing it okay so. for you know 39 years I never had one. altercation not one altercation on the. subway or in the streets with any kind. of mentally unwell person in New York. there's a lot of crazy people but. they're not really [ __ ] with you.

three times in the past year three times. in the past year I've been. physically assaulted or like had to. defend myself against a a a a mentally. deranged homeless person one time I was. walking in the comedy seller some guy. came at me and like just put his elbow. on my chest and I had to push him and he. fell over a pile of garbage I just had. to push him as hard as I can where I'm. like I never dealt with that and now. you're starting to hear people who like. would always kind of you know never ever. ever even think about like voting any.

other way but the traditional New York. way are like I have to now vote another. way because it's not safe for me anymore. anymore there's there's crime and the. and the cops I feel bad man the cops if. I was NY a lot of my friends are NYPD. they're like dude we want to we want to. [ __ ] police we can't I can't do. anything my boy was telling me a story. he's like we were outside the projects. right he goes and we see this drug. dealer selling drugs right we see him. he's selling drugs and we know he's. right there selling drugs we arrest him.

out right away out he goes then he then. we saw him selling drugs to a what we. look like a 10-year-old kid so we arrest. him we arrest this we seeing a. 10-year-old a child walk with a bag of. drugs arrest him back out he goes so. what do you want me to [ __ ] do then I. can't keep doing this why do you think. they're doing that living in New York. City why do you think they're letting. people out like right away there's no. cash bail right right I was told that's. by my police friends I was told that's. what it is it's it's that law is the big.

thing it's like this bail law to get out. he said which doesn't help anyone. because I why why was it made I don't. know I honestly don't know it's not it's. not well received though nobody really. you're going to in in New York now even. even the people who are wearing like 40. masks during Co are like I don't want my. my City's like being destroyed now so. now I don't know if that changes in an. election if people will vote what they I. don't know but I'm like I see it now for. the first time ever I'm like fully.

seeing people injecting heroin [ __ ]. it's wild even my father who was like I. grew up in new you know my father was. like I remember New York in the 70s and. 80s which was like nuts like you know he. was like you would get assaulted. everybody had AIDS he was like you know. this is scarier New York I'm more scared. of this New York cuz you know he said in. the old New York you knew which. neighborhoods don't go in that. neighborhood and then you're okay but. this New York I don't know where that. shit's coming from it's going to pop out. of anywhere at any time and you'll have.

people that will hear this and be like. you're you know you're exaggerating it's. not true I'm telling you it's true they. haven't run into it yet I'm telling you. dude it's true and when you are friends. with the police you know the cops there. it's true well when you saw those. illegal immigrants that came here that. uh attacked the police officer and they. were out on jail the next day flashing. the bird at cameras yep like that's. crazy you got someone who illegally. enters from another country assaults a. police officer and right back out the. street well and by the way nobody like.

any race or religion doesn't want that. in New York like no nobody wants that. like that's not a thing that's like oh. that nobody wants that at all so like I. don't know what it's going to take to. change I mean I will tell you that like. a lot of New Yorkers blame it on Mayor. Bloomberg like he's the most hated ex-. Mayor Bloomberg he's the most hated. person really more so than the last guy. then DeBlasio I'm sorry deasio is what I. meant to say I'm sorry not Bloomberg. DeBlasio is what I meant to say I'm. sorry May deasio is is hated like he's.

hated more than Satan like people I was. at a gym once in Park Slope Brooklyn he. was on the elliptical and he has a. security guard standing by him he was. the acting mayor and I mean people were. just [ __ ] trashing him as they walked. by just I mean outwardly trashing him. because nobody gives a [ __ ] we like you. the one guy was like you [ __ ] suck. and by the way that's a girls machine. that's a girls a girls machine that's. what they said and I was like it's not. nobody's ever said that to me yeah they. said it's a girl tical machines I mean. dude this they wouldn't say it to you.

but he said they said it was a girls. machine and um and and and I saw one of. security guards go like this he just did. that little did that little laugh and. then but people hate him and they blame. a lot of what's happened in New York on. him well he was definitely a fool sure. he was a weird fool first of all that's. not his real name right he's not Italian. deasio is not his real name he a like. some sort of a German name what's. deblasio's real name it's like Wilhelm I. think is it yeah something very like. Nazi. what's really crazy is that video where.

uh he was doing that thing trying to get. people to get vaccinated and like you. get a free Burger so he's eating the. burger does Fri come with this yeah uh. Warren Wilhelm Jr yeah and he just. divorced his wife um and uh which she. also stole they said like $80 million or. something like that one missing that's. gone so they hate they they hated her. now they're divorced um it's uh it's one.

of those things though where I just got. to stay there it's just home you know if. I wasn't yeah well especially after what. I told you I just did I can't now uproot. the family to Austin as much as I want. you thinking about it yeah well when I. come here I'm like are you renting right. now we're renting right now I can't take. my kid out of school though again I. can't do it almost over I yeah but my my. my kids have went to now you're making. me think about it give me don't do it. don't do it this is only 10 cuz five. puts me on ass no this is only 10 should. I eat half or eat the whole thing uh 10.

you'll be fine are you positive no okay. I'm not positive with anything about you. thank you other than you like trans. girls feet yeah pretty positive about. that I don't think you'd lie I wouldn't. lie that's the one thing about me I. would I make [ __ ] up I exaggerate [ __ ] A. lot of my comedy stories and stuff. exaggerate it when it comes to [ __ ] like. that I won't lie yeah no I believe yeah. um it this is a good place to live but I. don't think you should uproot your. family again unless you can convince.

them unless they come here and they. really like it well Jasmine my girl has. told me you you can move us again in. five years okay five years that's not a. good time to move them that's a bad time. why because well she's saying our. 13-year-old will be through high school. yeah but then the other one 8-year-old. will be going into high school so yeah. you don't want to move them like at high. school you don't think moving them in. eighth grade I think before just this is. my personal opinion you I might be wrong. for whoever is listening to this it's.

about to move their kid cuz listen I. moved my family moved me to Newton. Massachusetts from Jamaica plane for my. first year of high school and it was. actually good it was good because. Jamaica plane was [ __ ] sketchy. Jamaica plane which is uh nice now it's. like they've done you know as Boston. expanded like they sort of like made. they renovated a lot of places and added. Jamaica plane is like a much more calm. neighborhood when I was there in the. 1970s it was sketchy as [ __ ] mhm it was. sketchy was like we I think we moved. there in 78 or 79 it was [ __ ] weird.

you know it was danger I had dangerous. neighbors these kids were D they already. having sex like I was 11 and they were. like Jesus I remember this kid was. telling me like you don't even know how. your dick goes in a [ __ ] you probably. think it goes in straight I'm like it. doesn't he's like you know it goes up I. go it goes up what I thought you know. I've never seen like a girls no girls. had ever shown me their vagina when I. was 11 but they they were trying to. explain to me that it's like in I guess. I wasn't I guess I wasn't 11 I guess I.

was 13 okay so like we only lived in. Jamaica plane for a year and a. half yeah I think it was I think we. moved there before school I think I went. through the summer and then we went I. went to school was. sketchy so this is where I went to. eighth grade I went to this like public. school in Jamaica plane we didn't have. any money we lived in it was a shitty. area but the kids were like 17 in the.

eighth grade and they would show up for. the first days of class then quit and it. was just like they were just they had. dropped out so many times they here they. were the age where they should be. graduating and they're not even in high. school yet wow it was weird is that you. think got you into martial arts then you. feel like you had to defend yourself in. some ways I definitely was I felt super. vulnerable but I didn't get into martial. arts until till the next year but it was. um what did you do did you lose your. virginity first or you get into martial. arts first. martial arts nice yeah actual sex sex I.

mean I'd been uh fondled by a lady she. was 21 that was 13 that was a lot of fun. that's interesting she was very pretty. yeah I believe it um but nothing. hardcore serious not like sex sex until. I was like 16 16 I was 17 15 I guess I. was almost 16 first time I ever had sex. went raw dog didn't pull out Jesus I. didn't know what to do oh my goodness. nobody talk to you no very Catholic. Family wouldn't speak to me about these. things not pulling out not pull out. everyone's so fertile at that age dude.

God and she's half Jamaican half Italian. very beautiful girl we actually were on. the same basketball team we playing. basketball together and she had already. had sex and I was a virgin and we had. this sex and. unprotected and I'll never forget she. was you know she put like a doag on she. had done this before my mom wasn't home. she put this doag on she was ready to go. she was ready to go and then she you. know I couldn't really I was so nervous. I could barely get an erection I just. couldn't it was like impossible and then.

finally got it in and then I finally got. it up and it was she wrote dude two. pumps blueish she was like did you just. come inside me like I'm sorry so sorry. and then I had this emotional swing. where I immediately I started hysterical. crying the very first time I had sex it. was the weirdest thing I can't explain. it hysterical crying to the point where. she you know comforted me and then. within two weeks broke up of course prob. waited in two weeks I couldn't is. holding her breath yeah and I don't know. my therapist can't tell me why that.

happened he's like that's a rarity I I I. can't tell you man you're an emotional. guy dwell on it you were [ __ ] 14. years old but it's anxiety it's anxiety. so thinking about a thing and a thing. happens and you're just overwhelmed and. you don't know how to handle it so you. just cry anxiety for me is this. interesting thing I know a lot of people. suffer from it but it's this interesting. thing where I've connected now and I. used to lean into my anxiety right I. used to especially doing comedy I would. like make it a thing whatever I uh. Pandora's box of anxiety opened up for.

me on um 9/11 cuz I thought my mom was. dead it's this whole thing so I I. couldn't shake that feeling for 10 years. after that I could not shake the feeling. of thinking my mom or anyone I loved any. woman that I loved girlfriend or Mom or. a if they did not respond to me within. five minutes of a text I assume they. were dead that feeling of 91 every day. came back cuz I was calling my mom no. response no response every day coming. back coming back and so I would deal. with that and then something happened.

where this an I started to look at my. anxiety like like narcissism and like. disgusted with myself to the point where. because I used to put out these videos. anxiety Tuesday talk about my anxiety. and people will still sometimes be like. oh that anxiety Tuesday stuff it helped. me so much why don't you do it anymore. and I'm like I hate that I I hate that. guy that guy was so pitiful like because. you were being worried about things that. really didn't matter what I should have. done and what I know now is dealt with. that anxiety in a healthier way so. instead of subconsciously you know.

selling my house because I was really. nervous about a big show would been able. to deal with that anxiety in a healthier. way and make a better decision so I. think like this relationship with. anxiety is so like big and Swings in my. life that I used to kind of let I'm. trying to use the energy now to be like. well how can you learn from this how. does this Build You Up and how do you. make better decisions you know by by. doing this so I I struggle with that do. you have friends that you grew up with. that also had anxiety too no anxiety. wasn't a thing that you could speak.

about in my neighborhood if so this was. only like you on your own developed this. 100% and then and then like I remember I. my anxiety was so bad I played college. basketball and I would I would text my. girlfriend at the time to make sure she. got home from uh work or you know. whatever what she was doing and if she. didn't text I remember there was this. one game we were playing Brooklyn. College which was like a big rival we. needed to beat them I was I was you know. one of the best players on the team I I.

remember I would um she wasn't texting. me back I foolishly texted her before. the game like when we're in the locker. room and then thinking okay we're going. to go in for warm-ups 20 minutes I would. have to leave my phone in another room. cuz the anxiety of like is the phone. ringing or not I couldn't handle it so I. if I texted her and then I went and did. something else for 20 minutes I would. say at the end of this 20 minutes she's. going to have a text she's home and you. can relax. right even though it was pure daylight.

in new yor like she was always going to. be okay but my brain convinced me. otherwise so one day she's not texting. back and now the game has begun so I'm. playing this game like I I can't even. feel my body like I am paralyzed truly I. cannot feel my body my mouth is numb I'm. having like a full panic attack but I am. the lead player on a college basketball. game that we need to win oh so so I. don't know. like what the [ __ ] to do so I call a.

timeout I call a timeout overrule my. coach I'm like time out coach I just. need a breather okay I I say I'm just. going to go back into the training room. I just want to tape my ankle which is. normal okay I come back out I because I. wanted to look at my phone I look at the. phone still no message still nothing you. know turns out it was just a delay on. the train and she whatever she's a 21y. old girl she's not looking at her phone. all the time right and I come back and I. have the phone stuffed in my pants oh my. God I stuffed it in my like tidy shorts.

and I played the game with the cell. phone stuffed in my pants because I said. the only way I'd be able to do this is. somehow when nobody's looking even. though it's a packed College crowd pull. out this phone and make sure that she. texts me or else I can't play I'll. paraly and I can't play so I had it and. then I I was playing the game realizing. this is worse cuz now I have the I'm. waiting for the phone to vibrate and. every time I thought it was vibrating it. wasn't I was just running in the game so. then I stuffed it in towels and the.

warm-ups which was in a pile in the back. of the bench and they would call Coach. would call timeout or I would call a. timeout I did that twice and get out and. then I would S I would go over and look. at the phone to see if if you know she. had texted me and I dealt with this. anxiety and then what happened was is my. I was know we were kids 19 1819 they I. opened up to one of my friends about it. we used to call him Bam Bam a big boy. and we and and and I opened up to him.

about it thinking you know whatever and. then what they did again back then not. knowing anything about mental health not. really caring being from deep in. Brooklyn what they did is they on a road. trip one time we were going to a game. they found a way to Star the star 67. called me from a you know unrestricted. no it won't it'll pop up nobody and they. said the girl's name was Melissa they. were like hey we kidnapped Melissa oh. jesz we have her in the trunk of our car.

she's going to die like everything that. they I confess to them they said and I. had and it was crazy my freshman year. when she also played basketball as well. that year when I was a freshman she she. was a senior so we would always be in. the same gym at the same time so I had. no anxiety I was 90% free throw shooter. 90 my Junior and Senior year when I was. a better basketball player in better. shape the leader of the team but she was. not with me every game 50% free throw. shooter because my brain I couldn't feel.

my body and I somehow got people my. teammates even know this I got all the. way to division three allamerican I was. like I'm my school's all-time leading. scorer or maybe second now but I did all. this stuff and I was completely 100%. absolutely having like this Mental. Health crisis like as anxious as I could. be where I swear I'm not I would never. joke about this like I was like at 21. years old being like I'm going to have. to kill myself I'm going to have I. cannot live like this and nobody could. help me my mother didn't know what to do.

no no this was you know. 25 no yeah 20 years ago I nobody there. was no mental health nobody knew that. nobody knew about like that I just dealt. with every day reliving I think my. girlfriend's dead I think reliving that. 9/11 Pandora's box and it affected me. and to the point where like every. relationship I had they broke up with me. because they were like I can't deal with. this to them it was control and in a way. was I was trying to control I wouldn't. care about if they cheated on me where.

are you I was never jealous about that I. like go have fun have sex let me know. what biggest dick is I'm kind of into it. I don't give a [ __ ] but I I I I cared. about their safety always and it was. this thing I could not let go of and I. the biggest fear I have the biggest fear. I have and that's why I'm trying so hard. to work at this now and sometimes it's. [ __ ] exhausting but I'm trying so. hard is I don't want that anxiety to. come back and then I put it on my. daughter's right cuz I don't want them I. don't want to be their 18 19 want to.

live their life and Dad's here texting. them and they don't write back and I'm. thinking who has my daughter so I worry. about that that's that's the first fear. I had when I held my oldest daughter who. was you know love of my life I've held. her and I was like what am I going to. what's going to happen when she goes. outside which I know you got to stay in. the present you can't worry about that. but sometimes it it hurts me how did you. get over this everyday crippling anxiety. to the point you thought you were going. to kill yourself how' you get past that. so what happened was was is is I the. only advice that I I did get from a.

friend of mine who's my kid's Godfather. now um was like you are so much better. basketball player which is that's what I. cared about back then you are such a. better basketball player when you're. single when you don't have a girlfriend. you are such a better basketball player. and that's what you need to do so the. only way at that time I could overcome. it is to be single and to not connect to. a girl in any way shape or form because. then if I was single I wasn't worried at. as much cuz my mom always would text me. back or if I called her she was always.

pretty much home I very rarely dealt. with instances where my mother was not. responding CU my mom so she is thinking. about me all the time with these girls. rightfully so would be like I'm not. going to sit here and respond to this. Behavior you know like he's nuts and I. was and then and then so and so that's. the only way I could get over it now how. I deal with it like you know now you. know my girl is out picking up my kids. from school while we're doing the show I. just have a feeling what I think about. now. is if something was to happen I can.

handle it I'll be able I'll be okay it's. going to hurt but I'll be okay I've had. enough life experiences where things. hurt but you'll be confident you can get. through it and I try as best I can to. tell myself hey your brain is a defense. mechanism is always going to give you. worst case scenario for survival so just. know that that worst case scenario is. the statistically the least likely thing. is going to happen and if God forbid it. does happen you'll be able to deal with. it you can handle it where I think the. anxiety for me the last time came I.

don't know what to do I don't have the. tools to help me if something horrible. happens so life experience therapy all. the things yeah but it's interesting. what you said to me about therapy is I. felt that way myself I was like you know. sometimes I feel like I have we all have. issues but I'm like sometimes I'm just. like bitching to my therapist and I'm. forcing myself to talk about these. things that I feel like I have a better. handle over from like my own kind of you. know meditation and just you know. thinking you know like seeking out help. for myself listening to people speak.

having life experience I'm like you know. I like that my therapist but I'm like I. don't know man sometimes it's like you. don't want to be the guy that's like I. don't need help because I get it but I'm. like yeah I didn't I didn't need this. today I feel like I you made me nervous. again now like I I didn't need this at. all today I was okay today but it's. Tuesday 11:15 so that's our session. that's what Abigail shrier was saying I. I had her on had written a book about. therapy and kids and that obsessing.

about problems sometimes can exacerbate. the problem make them worse right so. instead of just like allowing that. problem to sort of go away and naturally. recover from it now you just rehash it. over and over and over and over and it. becomes a thing that you're you're. concentrating on all the time and that. you're not developing the ability to be. resilient and resilience comes from a. lot of things you know a lot of things. like if you have bad things happen in. your life you develop anxiety but also. when bad things happen in your life and.

you recover from them you realize you. can recover from bad things yeah that's. how I feel now I feel like I'll I'll. just you know I've been through it I'm. like I'm not scared of anesthesia. anymore I used to be that guy that's. scared of anesthesia cuz I had to get a. colonoscopy cuz I took a [ __ ] that. looked like it had some blood in it and. it turned out it was just a bunch of. Bois and berries but they but it's what. it. was did you every beats yeah you beats. you go into a panic so I didn't no so. the doctor I showed him a picture of my. [ __ ] and he was like that doesn't look.

great let's just get a colonoscopy and I. got the anesthesia and I woke up and. everything was fine and I'm like well. now I'm not scared now I feel because it. you a big anxiety for me would be okay I. feel a pain in my chest my stomach you. know whatever like I had gas once in my. stomach and I had shows in England and I. got I literally went from literal gas. pain because you were eating all this. British food just a minor gas pain that. was going to go away in 10 minutes to. brain exacerbated it into uh potential. appendicitis I'm across the ocean so now.

I have three more shows left so what I'm. going to have to do is figure out a way. to get home preemptively so what I'm. going to do is I called the venue I said. I have an emergency they said what's the. emergency I said my stepmom died which. wasn't true and I got on a flight no you. I swear to God and I got on a flight. Jesus Christ yes I got on a flight. didn't tell the other people on the show. got on a flight and got home because and. and when I landed back at JF okay my. stomach pain went away and it was all in. my head to begin with because what I was.

saying was at that time was I'm going to. get my appendix removed over here I. might die in the hospital I don't know. how I don't know how I'll react to. Anesthesia but now my God but now that. wouldn't happen now what I would say if. I got a appendicitis feeling right now. in the show what I'd say was well if. that's going to be the case you'll deal. with it you know what you know what. anesthesia feels like you won't know. about it anyway we have enough modern. medicine here where if you really if. this thing got really bad and this was. like you're gonna die you have enough.

medicine here where you can make this as. painless as possible these shows yes oh. my God they weren't selling but still. Jesus you know it's I wasn't selling. anything but but but I still was the. headliner I let people down and and you. know and I had to apologize to my. stepmom I said were with you did they. fly over there to do those shows too no. they were from the UK they were from the. UK but I missed all I ever wanted to do. was see the beach in the UK I've always. like been obsessed with like I wanted to. see the water in England and that's what. they the day I left they had a beach day. and I left cuz I was like I have stomach.

pains and I and I flew away and because. my brain would get the best of me but. now I'm different now I'm say well I'll. be able to handle this that's how I Feel. Jesus it's a little nuts right it is a. little nuts but it's okay yeah um I. don't know how to handle that my brain. thinks so different than yours it's hard. for me to but isn't it interesting then. we can both but both of our Outlets are. comedy even though our brains are. different cuz it's really defense I do. comedy CU it's a defense mechanism I I.

that's why I do it it's an art form it's. a discipline I like it because it's. interesting and it's fun I like it. because it makes people laugh and it. makes it excites my brain to come up. with new stuff to talk about but when. you were young to do it but when you. were young in like Jamaica planes and. doing those things would your defense. thing to would you always try to make. people laugh from a defensive point of. view see I I was no if you talk to like. my friends from from high school they. wouldn't have told you I was funny they. thought I was a psycho got it it was I'd.

gotten obsessed with martial arts when I. got to high school and that's all I. cared about that's all I wanted to do. and but back then I just was a drawer I. was an illustrator I did a lot of comic. books left-handed right-handed you know. mean many people are good drawers who. are left-handed who are right-handed. really most of them are lefties that's. well lefties are really good at a lot of. things yeah I think lefties learn things. easier I don't know easier but they seem. to be better at learning things I mean. this's gross exaggeration a lot of Lefty. morons I'm sure but lefties are really.

good at boxing like some of the the. hardest sparring rounds I ever had to do. were with left-handed guys mhm it's a. different angle you're looking at things. totally different you're open for stuff. that you're not like you're open for a. straight left you're open the the right. jab comes from a different place it's. harder to manage it's weird because your. brain gets used to a guy with a left. hand in front and you're standing you're. moving around with them as soon as the. right hand's in front you're like oh. [ __ ] it throws everything off right um. they're really good at pool a lot of.

like world champions are left-handed. like some of the best players in the. world are left-handed not all of them a. lot of really good right-handers too but. there's something about left-handed. people that they seem to excel at stuff. I've never played pool once in my life. good don't do it you think I should is. it it's like golf don't get in oh golf. either if you get into it the problem is. it's a the problem with pools if you get. into it it's so engrossing it just takes. over your your mind. everything it's like it's so difficult. to do people don't understand like to.

play really good pool requires like this. insane level of concentration that's. sort of like a meditation you you're. thinking about so many things you're. thinking about the exact amount of. revolutions you're putting on the ball. the angle that ball is going to come off. what is going to come off with spin are. you going to put check spin on it so it. it it shortens the angle or you're going. to put running English on it so it. lengthens the angle you're going to hit. it soft or hard where do you want to get. for the next shot and then where do you. going want to get for the shot after. that which is you have to play three.

balls in advance oh my God I'm out. already yeah and this it's all this. geometry and you have to understand. angles and collisions and what about. feeling that's another one like I'm. scared to do it I remember when Howard. Stern got really into chess I was. listening to the show and he was he was. taking chess lessons and all these. different things I was like o that's one. of those things like in U Boston one of. the things that I noticed is the guys. who were really uh into golf their. career suffered cuz they weren't really. thinking about comedy they're thinking. about playing they wanted to play golf.

comedy was like their job that they. would do so they would have money and. then during the day they would play golf. and golf had become their thing that's. interesting cuz I thought you were going. to say it feels like the guys who I know. who play golf have bigger careers. because they're making these connections. with people on the golf course and. getting these things well that could. happen too I mean that's certainly a. business thing golf is a great business. game if you're into business like you. kind of almost have to play golf cuz. guys like to do deals and talk about. things on the course you get to know a. person on a golf course you know just.

like you get to know a person playing. pool like you get to know like how they. can handle pressure right you know whe. whe what kind of a person they are like. Brian K famously told me the story uh. where his mom was watching this guy that. his dad was going to do business with. play golf and the guy cheated at golf he. moved the ball and she goes don't do any. business with them he cheats he move. that ball right he move he's a liar like. was right thought she was right but it's. there's a thing that you could see when. a person plays pool or plays golf you.

see their character yeah that's like my. father has a rule if you're a fan if you. grew up in a city and you're not a fan. of that team you're a fan of a team from. another city he doesn't trust you and he. never will he just he just won't and it. has nothing to do with his team that. makes sense he just says What Kind of. Traitor of a person are you that you. want to live around people who hate you. because of your Fan Choice unless he. said the only caveat to that is if their. father was from like Pittsburgh right.

and you're a DI Steelers fan you moved. to New York I get that but if you're. just you're the guy that just wants to. go against the grain his his advice is. no thank you I want nothing to do with. you which that's pretty good advice. that's a pretty good rule to live by. sure that's like someone who's in your. tribe that secretly wants to be in. another tribe yeah the only thing me and. my father disagree on is like right now. I'm wearing you know met shirt right and. the only reason I'm wearing this is. because I I'm going to be honest with. you I uh uh I you know jerked off today. I was coming in a little heavy I was a I.

was a little anxious jerk whatever it. happens and and then I kind of just let. it sit there on me and um I got up and. the shirt that I had was at the edge of. my bed that I was going to wear and I. got up and it just leaked it fell onto. the shirt so I was like this is the only. shirt I have so I threw in a met shirt. knowing that some of my friends back. home are going to be like are you a. [ __ ] Mets fan now I thought you were. a Yankees fan and how dumb is that cuz. they're both from New York that's my. thing for me it's I'm New York I root.

for yor is like people who use Android. phones like you're a rebel yes it's true. it's true dude dude you know why I'm a. Mets fan I was born in Queens my. father's from the Bronx IR Yankees fan. but Mets fan the owner of the team Steve. Cohen right he's you know big owner you. know whatever really nice guy I did in. the pandemic I did his 60th birthday. party oh no private party right in a. room like this did it suck here's what. happened.

so I can't wait for this one. so okay so here's what happened all. right. so so all right I get a call right okay. you're going to do this show what. happened was I talk my Jasmine my. family's Puerto Rican my kids are Puerto. Rican I have material about having this. Puerto Rican family right Steve's wife.

is Puerto Rican okay they have a 60th. birthday. party and what I thought the birthday. party was going to be was him and his. family I'll do my Puerto Rican jokes you. know the the wife will like it you know. whatever it's 20 minutes you know great. money it's you know cool opportunity do. it it's a challenge right it's the. pandemic not much going on they rented. out this restaurant nobody's supposed to. know about it it's like in the back room. thing so I go so I get there and it's no. it's him and his 10 friends all guys.

just all guys sitting at a table like. this having dinner they do not know. comedy is supposed to happen the wife. thought it'd be a good idea to get a. comedian in there for his 6th birthday. that she wasn't invited to because this. was a guy's thing and so a 60-year-old. billionaire doesn't know who the [ __ ] I. am if you're going to have comedy have. Jerry Seinfeld have Joe Rogan have. somebody that they know. they have no idea so the the guy who you.

know was like Steve's assistant who the. you know has to answer to his wife I. think his name was Ned he goes um are. you the comedian I was like yeah he goes. all right he goes what's your name again. and I was like it's Chris the Stephano I. thought like Mrs Cohen knew me he was. like yeah she's not here like that's uh. this is it's all guys in there I said. well you know do you not want me to do. it he goes no she already paid you like. I I I H you have to do it so I was like. okay so I was like well where just show. me where like the microphone is he was. like we don't have anything there's no.

microphone there's no lights he goes we. were thinking he goes he goes they just. got served their Entre so we were. thinking you can just stand in the front. of the table and do a few minutes oh boy. so I was like you know that this is. going to be this is a nightmare and he. was like it doesn't feel like they're. going to like you. so oh my God so Ned my hands are. sweating for you so Ned Ned goes listen.

they just got the Entre just go out. there and so I swear I'm not I swear to. God I told him my name three times he. goes uh he goes all right uh Steve you. know uh your wife had a nice little. surprise for you we got a comedian we. got a you know fun comedian and he goes. um and he goes so so here he is and and. he goes Chris um Chris and then one of. the guys went Chris Rock is it Chris. Rock and then he goes no it's not Chris. Rock it's Chris what's your last name.

kid and I was like uh D Stephano and. then as I'm walking in somebody goes who. the [ __ ] is that and so and so I walk in. and I get up there right away and I was. like hey guys I know this is probably. not what you wanted I can leave right. now but I I have you know if you want me. to do some jokes like you know I'll I'll. do them right now and then one guy was. like yeah do it he goes but make it. quick so I was like okay this is good so. I go out there and Joe I am [ __ ].

bombing like you can't imagine like a. full zero all you hear is knives and. forks hitting the plate people chewing. at some point I don't know who threw it. a shrimp bounced off my chest somebody. hit me with a shrimp and they're dying. in the back of the table Tommy Mata was. there um you know who the the famous uh. record producer and you know was married. to Mariah. Cary so I go uh I go oh Mr M you know. I'm a I'm a big fan you know of of of.

your ex-wife uh you know I love to work. he goes yeah I bet you're a big fan of. [ __ ] too big laugh you know like I'm. like oh my God so then finally the only. person laughing Tommy dunked on you got. the bigest laugh of the room. crushed the only person laughing is. Steve's son who's 30 years old who's. become a friend of mine Josh great guy. he's laughing in the corner not at my. material just cuz he's like this cuz he. knew my podcast he was like oh my God. this. is so then Steve Steve finally goes he.

goes listen to me he stops he goes he. goes I'm doing a joke he was very nice. he goes okay he goes uh what did my wife. tell you and I said well um you know Mr. Cohen she told me just come out here. birthday gift for you you know do 15. minutes and and you know like just you. know uh uh just do the best I can and. she thought you'd like me cuz I talk. about the Puerto Rican kids and all that. he goes yeah yeah that's I'm not Puerto. Rican though I was like no I know I know. and he goes um how about this I'll make. you a deal he goes what are your five.

best minutes and I said well I I did the. David Letterman show a few years ago he. goes oh I know I know David Letterman I. said yeah he said uh he said why don't. you do that how about and he goes do do. that do the do those five best he goes. I'm going to tell my guys to listen do. those five best he goes if you can get. me to laugh in those five minutes I'll. double whatever my wife gave you he goes. did you get it already she she I said. yeah I think she wired it to my agent he. goes I'll I'll double it whatever it is. I don't even know what the number is. I'll times two give me your best five so.

I just like planted my feet and I just. to the wall didn't even look at anybody. just did my exact David Letterman set. which is about being on the subway I. just came back from England like [ __ ]. from 10 years ago but I had it and I did. it and they started to laugh and sure as. [ __ ] that's what he did he had he he. doubled the money turned out to be a big. thing you know for me and then what. happened was is I had to sign all these. ND. not to talk about anything but you just. talked about it well here's the.

thing I to sign all these Nas not to. talk about but I thought I had to sign. ndas cuz it was during covid times and. they were like renting out a restaurant. which like you really couldn't do back. then so I was like just don't mention. that and I I was like and I thought it. was really more for like you know they. don't want reporters showing up to the. actual event and them getting in trouble. but it's like the next day who cares so.

I do my podcast the next day hey babe. with sou volcano and I I start the show. with dude I [ __ ] ate it last night. here's the story right going crazy that. episode comes out the next day we filmed. it in the morning it came out that night. so the next morning so two days removed. from the Cohen gig I wake up I have 20. Miss calls from my manager my agent. lawyer I wake up I'm like what the [ __ ]. happened so my manager gets on the phone. he goes take down that episode dude take.

it down I said what he goes you broke. you violated the NDA you just said all. these things about the Cohen gig you. can't do that his lawyers are saying. you're going to get sued right now and. they're going to take you to court and. they will not lose what and and then so. I I I just hung up the phone on them I. was like I need a second and I just hung. up I said what the [ __ ] do I do cuz I'm. like I'm not taking that [ __ ] down I I. you know it's comedy whatever and then. so I'm like let me calm down let me calm. down so I scrolling on Instagram right.

this is what we do Baseline scrolling on. Instagram like a [ __ ] crocodile I'm. scrolling and I see DMS from Steve's. wife Steve's daughter Steve's son and. I'm Hearts like this now I'm like oh I. maybe I am [ __ ] cuz like now the. family themselves right it was all I. can't believe you talked about it and. hey babe we loved it that's amazing my. dad's dying laughing come to a Mets game. throw out the first pitch the the mom. being like I want to meet your wife oh.

my God I thanks for mentioning that and. I'm like wait what the [ __ ] so I call my. manager and I'm like I have messages. from the family saying that it's okay. and then he's like all right hold on and. then he calls he says send me those. messages I send him the messages and. then within five minutes lawyers backed. off CU all the Steve didn't tell them to. do that the the legal team was just like. that's a violation I don't even check. with Steve you [ __ ] up and then so and. then it went away like that and then the. family now has become like friends of.

mine it's like really the Cohen family. owns the Mets are like awesome amazing. people it's like it's even though it's a. big major league baseball team it's like. when you go to the game it's like Josh. you don't even need a ticket dude come. walk in the back door walk in with us. like so cool and now and then Steve goes. I'm going to let you redeem yourself in. the baseball season he goes I'm going to. let you redeem yourself okay I was just. at the game and he goes here's what. we'll do he goes it looks like rain he. was like if there's a rain delay I'm. going to give you the mic I'm going to.

put you on the Jumbo Tron and you do. five. minutes I said you want me to do five. minutes to cold wet Mets fans that are. angry about the team not playing he was. like do you want to redeem yourself or. not and I was like I'll do it. so so so we have I think it's on my. Instagram somewhere so we have wearing. dude the worst shirt like a floral. printed stupid shirt my friends I was.

sitting in the owner Suite right my. friends or diard Mets fans they were. sitting in the stands for this they. didn't know this was happening so rain. delay comes they have the Mets announcer. again who messes up my name call me. Chris desopos I'll never forget that she. goes Chris desopos she goes I was going. to do a few minutes of Comedy for you so. and then the camera's just on me and I'm. I don't even have a mic they had you. know one of those mics that you pin to. your shirts so I had that so I was like. doing that bit where I was like and I'm. bombing.

horrifically horrifically. bombing oh my God so oh my God I'm. bombing in front of you know 30,000. where when I got Steve Cohen by the way. and his friends are dying dying laughing. cuz they knew that that was going to. happen and then Steve goes he goes. you're all right man you're you're good. you're all right I was like than and. then I got all these texts and my. friends my my boy Pat was like dude I.

was in the stands for that like you know. huddled under he goes you were bombing. he goes I heard multiple people say they. were going to unfollow you on Instagram. for this. [ __ ] and he goes it was so bad he goes. it was literally so bad he said there. was a little kid started to cry it was. horrific and he goes and your shirt. [ __ ] sucked and I was like and so so. it it was one of those moments but I say. all that to say that's why I wear the. Met shirt I'm New York first and the. Cohen family is awesome and the Mets are.

awesome and um and uh and yeah it was it. was like one of those things where a. good thing turn a bad thing turned into. a good thing you know that's hilarious. dude it's it was dude bombing like Joe. the one at City Field was worse I mean. that was worse because not only like I. was in the control room when did you how. between knowing you were going to have. to do it and doing it how much time was. it less than minutes oh my God Jamie is. there a way if you could like Christ. stano Mets game bombing flower shirt I.

put it on my Instagram I don't know if. You' be able to find it but oh my God my. abs but dude it was it. was and you know what's the worst part. is I was sitting in the control room. that's where they had me go live from. and I was bombing for the people in the. control room they were just like looking. at me and then they were still doing the. thing like when are we back from rain. delay I was like doing a bit like you. know like doing like a clean bit and. they were like what what was it is the. storm coming in not listening and then. at one point the the I was in the middle.

of my bit and the guy was like buddy sh. I'm listening to the MLB sh and I was. like oh my God and I [ __ ] ate it but. but they were but you know they were. pretty nice to me they've been pretty. nice to me but it was it was bad and my. friend Josh tells me he goes yeah dude. like i' you've ate you've eaten it as. bad as you can eat. it wow then they had me come out for a. fundraiser this was like in a comedy. club I [ __ ] bomb that and I was just.

like in a comedy club not a comedy club. it was like a it was the Paramount. Theater it was like a fundraiser but I. had um come out it's that classic thing. where the one comic they have that. nobody knows about comes out and I came. out right after the video of the. fundraiser for the kids with cancer and. the mom and dad who lost their child to. cancer and then I have to come out and. just be like let's forget about that and. do this and so and then they had these. polar bears on stage that were like. raffled off they were like $1,000.

stuffed animal polar bears for Pete. Alonzo they call him the polar bear he. the best player on the Mets and I didn't. know that so I was bombing so hard for. the thing I just started throwing these. polar bears into the crowd just to be. funny and they were like that was $5,000. worth of raffle gifts you just threw. into the crowd now and I was like um. sorry I don't know what to do and then. they were like well I I don't know like. you might have to pay for that like his. you know and then and then I I was like. all right I mean I guess if I have to do. it I'm sorry and then again his dad was. like [ __ ] it dude it's polar bears just.

let him keep it he was like it was he. was like that might have been the worst. one of all three I was like thanks oh. boy but they still like. me you got to say no to some gigs I do. now now I do yeah you can't do that now. I do you can't do either one of those. three things you can't go on after a. video about kids with cancer you can't. go on during a rain delay when people. don't know a comedian's coming and. you're talking into this thing and then. they're in you can't do that you can't. do a guy's birthday party with all of a.

Billionaire's birthday party with no mic. they don't know you're coming and they. don't know who you are you can't do. either of those things yeah I wouldn't I. wouldn't now but back then I mean it was. uh how long ago is this the pandemic so. 20 it's like 2021 like World start to. open up a little bit so that's and now. and how about this now because I've you. know this is this is what I don't like. now I'm you know cuz I'm Mets I just. like the met I like New York but because. I've talked about the Mets and went to.

Mets games the Yankees people used to. give me tickets won't give me tickets to. the game anymore they said you're either. with them or us I was like that's kind. of a dickish move wow you won't let me. go to Yankee games you know I'm like. they won't give you tickets anymore they. say you're either with them or us yeah I. used to be like my thing is what I've. always cared about is like I want to be. I love New York right I want to be the. New York like a Colin Quinn that's a me. I look up to Colin he's the New York. Comic David tell these are the guys. right so that's the aspiration so like. going to the sporting events and people. being like Chrissy like all that stuff. is means everything to me I mean I I.

want to sell out Milwaukee too but it's. not if it happens this it okay no no. that's not it that's not it that's just. me being an [ __ ] um that wasn't it go. back to this must have been 21 or 22 I'm. sorry yeah some J will find it yeah Jam. will find it it's it's it's me on the. jumbo it's like I'm on the Jumbotron. with a floral print shirt I look like a. real [ __ ] um but uh but yeah they. won't you know like that's crazy with. the Yankees do it doesn't make any sense. they won't do it that's silly but but so.

whatever I just deal with I still root. for them not even the same league it's. dumb it's dumb one's American League. On's National League exactly Mets. national league right yeah and I what is. that that doesn't make any sense I I. don't know I mean cuz you know I you. just deal with it but what what's the. beautiful thing about comedy is you know. when you put out the comedy work of the. podcast is the Players the actual Yankee. players Anthony Rizzo these guys they've. reached out and been like oh I like that. bit so like text me if you want tickets. so that's good now they'll let you in so. they'll let me in but these T you know.

the pr people who would give you the. nice tickets they said that's not. happening anymore for the Yankees for. the Mets the Mets were like dude we'll. give you [ __ ] dirt from the field. whatever you want so I kind of you know. you go to where you're wanted right. that's just a normal life thing sure go. where you're wanted yeah Mets people are. Rebels rebels dude but so um but it was. uh cuz like people don't even think. about the Mets outside of New York no. people think like the Mets Yankees like. if you think about New York baseball. Yankees that's what everybody thinks. outside of New York but in New York is.

the only place where people care about. the Mets the and you know what the Mets. I would say the Mets fan base is a more. rabid uh fan base than the Yankees the. Mets the Mets are they will follow you. anywhere Mets fans like the Chicago like. Chicago the Cubs everybody loves the. Cubs yeah even though they they couldn't. win everybody still loved the Cubs yeah. everyone loves the Cub this edible is. hitting me by the way Chicago has the. white socks too though right the white. socks but they're kind of in the in the.

in the not good part of town supposedly. and the white socks fans like the Cubs. it's the Cubs are the are the Yankees in. that City and are the white sock the. Mets the White Sox are would be the Mets. yeah so it's kind of like it's kind of. that thing not a whole lot of cities. have two teams how many cities have two. teams in baseball uh well the Dodgers. and the and the angels but the angels. are so far outside but that's one. Anaheim right yeah yeah new New York and. Chicago that's really all I can think of. and same with basketball like you know. like nobody really cares about the.

Brooklyn Nets it's all about the Knicks. but La is just the Dodgers like Anaheim. is a different spot right that's almost. like San Diego yeah it's F you know. anaheim's far San Diego's got team too. though that they do yeah the Padre's. baby the San Diego fathers love San. Diego I heard San Diego's [ __ ] now. though what I thought my friends who. used to live there say it's [ __ ] they. went back it's just [ __ ] tents. everywhere chaos really cuz thought they. were like the American Freedom First. type Southern Southern California City. well that's interesting there's a lot of.

military there I mean that's uh that's. the the base of that you know Navy Seals. right yeah it's there's a lot of bases. there we we did UFC's down there cuz it. was always a uh a place where there was. there's military bases a lot of military. MH but then there's always [ __ ]. weirdos you know like Southern. California you know and there's more of. them than there other military people. yeah I and they vote in shitty. politicians and I know and they let. tents and all that [ __ ] happen how bad.

is San Diego now I heard it my buddy. just got back there I mean he he he said. it was [ __ ] awful dud yeah if they. have the tents that's he used to live. there and he bailed they they realized. like during the pandemic we got to get. the [ __ ] out of here dude my [ __ ]. feet are numb now from what the edible. dude I'm telling you I can't it just. hits me it's it's I don't know if it's. if it's what it is but it's my feet are. numb and uh don't think about it you. think about yourself a lot which is. selfish and narcissistic and I don't.

like it about myself because just you. can just can you just stop doing it. while it's happening or is it just does. it overcome. you do you but that's why I was saying. maybe you needed another thing to think. about like another thing that you're. into like a thing that's like totally. non-career related like a like um you. know like painting or cooking something. yeah yeah yeah something yeah somewhere. we really get into that thing. we think about that thing and like being. better at that thing what about playing. basketball again sure that's a great one.

that's also a good one too cuz it's. physical yeah you know and I think the. things that are that you get into that. are physical require even more because. it require requires not just thinking. but it requires like execution there's. like a physical thing that you have to. do yeah I was going to do boxing um a. few years ago and then the very first. day I was there a guy got into the ring. and sparred um and he was you know kind. of being really like uh you know macho. guy and he was like I'm not wearing a. cup and the trainer was like you you. should you know you should wear a cup he.

was like I'm not doing it I'm not. wearing a cup not wearing head he got. hit in the nuts and his testicle came. out of the scotum so that was my first. 20 minutes there so I was like I'm. probably not going to do this even. though I know that that's not most. likely going to happen to me cuz I would. wear the cup but I was like I just was. like you know if you see a man's. testicle fall out of his nut sack you're. probably not going to go back to do that. thing just because you're just you know. it just gives you it makes you. uncomfortable but that's what happened. to me yeah but I do want to I do I do.

Envy I do feel um like I don't I should. know about MMA because not only is it. such a cool sport you can defend. yourself also in the comedy community. it's big I mean the only fight I ever. went to was a a pfl fight that that that. League at the theater at Masson Square. Garden and the the fans they were you. know I had never been I don't know. anything about MMA it was a lot of. recognition from the pods cuz they were. like it's all one community and so I was. like this could be my golf this should.

be my golf this is what you should get. into not comparing that that would be. very good for your anxiety though for. sure because it's very difficult so it. makes the rest of the day a lot easier. because when I tried one um Jiu-Jitsu. class and I felt like I don't even know. how I don't blow out my knee it's a. statistical impossibility I won't blow. out my knee I'm going of course this. guy's going to fall me and I'm going to. blow my knee but do you just deal with. that and say I'll get over that or you. just learn ways to not blow out your.

knee well I've had my knee blown out. I've had three knee operations so I'm. just going to have to accept that if I. want to move forward in MMA you're going. to blow your knee out not necessarily. you could also strengthen your knees to. make sure that doesn't happen as often. there's a lot of stuff you could do to. to mitigate that also just roll. cautiously and be smart about it and. don't roll with crazy people you see. wild people that are just like way too. aggressive and explosive and just like. they just do it in a halfhazard way. don't [ __ ] with those people so you. because you know it's become second.

nature to you how to do these things but. someone like me who has a bit of fear. just from being older and not doing it. like like my father learned how to drive. when he was 45 so he's just a terrible. driver and can't drive even though he's. not scared of Life stuff he's got to. fist fight stuff but he's like I can't. drive I learned how to drive when I was. 17 I'll drive with one R you know I I'm. in control so I feel like that way with. MMA it's like I've developed all these. bad things I can you know you think and. I'm like I can't do this I can't even. get into this the thing about MMA if you.

want to get involved in that same thing. is if boxing the thing is getting hit. and getting hit is not a small thing. it's it's a big thing and it's a it's a. bigger thing that people want to pretend. it is getting hit in the head is really. bad and you get you're going to get hit. in the head and you're going to get hit. in the head quite a bit in the beginning. because you're not good and people. especially if someone is sparring you. and it gets aggressive and you're going. to get hurt and that's just fact that's. just if you especially if you're. sparring now if you're just learning.

skills you can just learn skills with. people if you have a really good place. that you they can show you how to hit. mths you can hit the bag you get a great. workout and you don't actually Spar or. if you do Spar you spar with an. instructor who's going to be very gentle. so they're just going to be touching you. they're just going to be tapping you and. explaining that you don't have to hit. hard you just have to use technique when. you hit hard hit the bag you're not a. professional you're not thinking about. taking on fights there's no reason for. you to get busted up let's just work on. your skills got it so so in other in.

some ways then it's like my fear of. getting over anesthesia when I got the. colonoscopy you just got to get hit a. little bit and you'll get over the fear. you'll understand you can accept that. the problem is like if you're sparring. with another guy and you and the other. like he hits you with a jab then you hit. him with a jab and he hits you a little. hard like this guy's hitting hard then. you start hitting each other hard and. next thing you know you're fighting that. happens all the time it happens all the. time so sparring often times turns into. to like a real fight yeah see just with. big gloves and pads on and I've only. ever been in two fist fights my whole.

life my first fist fight I punched this. kid Glenn in the face thinking I'm going. to knock him off his bicycle and I'll. win and he didn't even move a muscle and. then he beat the [ __ ] out of me and then. the second and then the second fight I. got into was just like a bar braw and I. got hit but I got hit like in the back. shoulder wasn't too bad and then I just. kind of I never really got beat up hard. like you know like I well it's not. necessary you don't have to get beat up. but just learn learning how to defend. yourself would just help for sure help. anxiety and it's like for a lot of.

people it's like meditation it's like. medication in fact for a lot of people. and Jiu-Jitsu is a really good one. because you there's a possibility of you. getting injured with any combat sport. it's possibility of you're getting. injured right but Jiu-Jitsu at least. you're not getting hit you know. Jiu-Jitsu is clinching and choke holes. and arm bars and leg locks and stuff but. you can learn those things and if you do. it with a good school that has a good. ethic about them you could do it pretty. safely yeah cuz I'm a person you know we. talk about it we get excited about it.

but sometimes I don't put these things. in the practice even though I know. standup is you're doing a diff we're. doing difficult things here but other. things I'm like like for example when I. you know in the middle of the pandemic. or whatever 2022 some sometime around. there I got nervous about I got to I. don't know how to fight I got to defend. my house and there was at times talks of. to some type of what if a nuclear bomb. went off here cuz things are getting. tight with Russia before they invaded. Ukraine so I came home one day with a um. night vision goggles a 30-day supply of. powdered fedini Alfredo and a gun and I.

don't know how to use the gun I and. iodine tablets and so I did all these. things and then I was like well now what. my family was laughing at me like what. what is any of this stuff going to do. you can't do any of this [ __ ] and I was. like you're right and I kind of just. made a decision but I don't put things. into practice so I want to make a a. choice to say if you're going to talk. about it then do it it you know do go do. MMA go try it is there a place that you. could go to that you know about well.

there's that Grace you know I live 15. minutes from Midtown and that um the. place that Anthony Bourdain was always. in Kenzo Gracie yes the main. headquarters right there and I always. see guys walking in and out of there. yeah go there driping sweat you're close. to that 15 minutes go there that's the. spot go there go take classes yeah. perfect place to go yeah and that's the. workout for the day that's the hardest. workout that you'll ever do right very. hard yeah very hard and it's good for. your brain the the the thing about it is. it's really good for your head cuz you. just it's so difficult that it makes it. really does make the rest of life's.

difficulties easier that's a good it's a. safe control difficult like you there's. like if a guy gets you in a choke hold. you're trying to fight out of it you. can't you could tap and then you go. right back to training again and I won't. be made fun of that I'm 30 like an old. no they encourage you they they welcome. you yeah a lot of people get into it in. their 40 Bordain didn't even start until. he was in his 50s what yeah yeah like. Bourdain was like 62 when he died I. think is that how old he was I'm not.

sure how old was he. Jamie I think he got into Jiu-Jitsu when. he was 58 60 he was about to turn 62. yeah damn so um when I did his show I. did uh one of the episodes of his show. we went um pheasant hunting in Montana. together so flew to Montana and bouran. and I and he's talking about Dar jokes. and like we're in the middle like where. where out there pheasant hunting and. then I go do you know how to do a. Japanese neck tie and he goes what's. that and I go when you go for the DAR.

sometimes you can't get the darus but. you can get the Japanese neck tie let me. show you so we're on the ground on on. the [ __ ] ground and I'm showing them. I'm okay now you got this once you got. his this here you're always looking for. this right because that's the DAR I go. but from here I'm going to tuck your. head into my chest and I'm just going to. roll on my right shoulder and he's like. ah I go yeah that's [ __ ] right roll on. my left shoulder I go that's the. Japanese NE tie so I'm explaining him. the Japanese neck tie on the ground the. camera crew is there and [ __ ] and I'm.

like go ahead try it on me now he's got. his friend Josh is Josh is doing. Jiu-Jitsu too like get in here so he did. here now from here so this is a he's a. Josh is a big guy I was like it's hard. to get this through right but you don't. have to get this through once you get. this clamp I just want you to tuck that. head and then roll on the shoulder and. they're be like oh [ __ ] so we were like. rolling around the dirt in Montana. that's how into it he was all he cared. about no they'll that be sick it was. just us shooting birds and eating them. it was really fun it was a really fun.

experience he was a [ __ ] fascinating. guy when I watch I always watch if it's. on the plane his documentary Road Runner. that they made I think after he after he. passed away and it was amazing he said. something once where he was like you. know I cuz sometimes I think about this. uh you know when you get a little older. even though not super old but you start. to think like hey are my best years. behind me like what you know what what. is life what's the next things and I. heard him say he was like you know when. I he only became famous or like people. knew his name and read his book when he. was 43 years old he said so I was.

sitting there 42 years old thinking. whatever I all my fun all my drug days. all my wild it's all over I'm in the. back half of my life now and this is. what life's going to be he goes and I. didn't realize that it was going to be. the next 20 years of my life that would. like be me be like the best years of my. life and I never like heard someone talk. about it that way or it was like you I. know we know that like you never I don't. know what tomorrow holds our whole lives. can change in an instant but sometimes. you know I can't help but feel like oh.

you know I'm coming into my 40s now you. know like what but when I heard Bourdain. I was like oh that that's a very hopeful. way to that's a very hopeful thing. there's no Road mapap for everybody yeah. you know and sometimes the more. interesting people are the people that. lived their entire lives never thinking. they were going to be famous and then. became famous like Jordan Peterson is a. great example that like he was a. professor just like it was opposed to. this build would cause people to have to. be forced mandated to use a bunch of. madeup gender pronouns and he's like.

this is crazy like you can't allow this. this is just going to spiral and just. going to snowball into something else so. he becomes famous in his 40s which is a. very difficult thing for people to deal. with almost impossible it's possible. Morgan Freeman is the only other one and. Rodney Dangerfield are the only other. two big names that I know Rodney's a big. one right Rodney was a aluminum siding. salesman you know wild yeah and never. stopped writing apparently he was always. writing jokes during that time but he'd. quit doing comedy and just went back to. regular life and then said [ __ ] it I'm. going back in and then like back to.

school and all those movies I mean Rony. was huge it's crazy that like how many. people are like that out there that. could have made it and just didn't and. just stopped just stopped or got the. whatever demons they had got the best of. them which is a lot of us yeah I mean. there's a lot of guys out there that. have demons and their demon might be. cocaine their demon alcohol gambling. whatever it is there's like a demon that. gets people it just gets you and it's. also timing right place right time I. didn't know this about sports but like.

you know like the same way like we we. know funny funny funny people that just. never really made it for whatever reason. it actually happens in sports too I. thought Sports being objective was being. like Oh the best player will get. discovered but it's like no you got to. have the right connections you got to. play in the right tournaments to get. noticed by the professional teams and. there's there's player there's there's a. guy out there who would been as good as. you know the Michael Jordan and the. Kobes of the world but he just never. made it he never got in front of the. right people well it's also a discipline.

thing M like sometime sometimes people. are very very talented right and they. really could be amazing but they just. because Talent sometimes can [ __ ] you. because if you're really talented you. don't have to work as hard if you're. better than everybody else you can kind. of half ass things right and you can get. through things without even training. like Jon Jones is so talented he. defended his title against Alexander. gustofson who's like one of the best. guys ever in the light heavyweight. Division and didn't even train for it. didn't even train for it and W and it.

was the hardest fight of his career cuz. he was he was getting beat up in the. first few rounds and he pulled it off in. the last two rounds that's where when he. won the decision it was a crazy fight. first time he's ever been taken down I. mean he got busted up got a big cut over. his eye his eye was swollen up but he's. so talented that he's able to beat one. of the best guys in the division without. even training then he has a rematch with. them later where he says now I'm going. to [ __ ] train and he just annihilates. him yeah it's crazy I've heard that he's. the most he's the most talented one. people argue of of all of of all the.

fighters he's very arguable he's. certainly the most accomplished he's. beaten every single person he's ever. faced except there's only one loss that. he has is a disqualification in a fight. that he was dominating the gipson fight. was close though like he and he had a. got it but he didn't even train like. there there was Fighters that he was. fighting where he just he was so much. better than everybody that they the way. they would describe as like he was. playing with his food he wasn't. threatened by them so he wasn't fighting. to the best of his ability so does a guy.

like J Jones you think have some type of. fear in the ring or do you kind of lose. that when you become a guy of his level. at this this stuff I think you're always. going to have some doubts and thoughts. that enter into your head but a guy. who's that dominant knows how to. dominate those thoughts knows how to. like overcome them you don't let them in. you know you're going to have anxiety. you're going to have nerves but you just. don't let them in some guys don't have. nerves like Justin gatei says he doesn't. get any nerves he says it kind of freaks. me out I get in there and I'm not even.

nervous H yeah with that's interesting. because of you know you could be killed. by some of these highlevel guys right. even the best fighters it's possible you. get a hit in the head the wrong way well. that's one of the crazy things that. Justin says is when he goes to fights he. never plans anything for after the fight. because he doesn't assume he's going to. be alive wow yeah that's pretty that's. pretty deep well that's how he fights. too that's really how he fight. interesting I kind of I respect that a. lot he's a psycho yeah yeah he's born. for it well I yeah it's the human.

brain's a funny thing I I mean I don't. feel one ounce of anxiety on stage. whether I'm bombing doing well zero. always been that way zero I so it's all. offstage after the fact that before the. the leading up and after is where all. the anxiety hits me or you know really. would spin me out of control and better. controlling it now but on stage I mean. truly zero like I I I would literally. was having so much anxiety I told you I.

sold my house cuz of Radio City and then. I was on stage at Radio City and not an. ounce of anxiety the unfortunate thing. is I as much as people tell me be in the. moment for these big things slow it down. all that I tell myself I'm doing it but. I never have any memory of it and I. never kind of um you know take over the. night like I did Radio City people like. what' you do after where was the. Afterparty where'd you go I said I was. in bed at 11 o'clock with my family I. was in bed the show ended at 9:00 I was. in bed at 11: on the night my biggest.

night and uh I I don't know why that's. just how I that's just how I am there's. nothing wrong with that no yeah there. nothing wrong with like. just going on with your life you don't. have to celebrate right yeah it's not. necessarily a bad thing yeah but like. you've had you know so far a very very. very cool life do you feel though at. times even you have fomo and I'm like. [ __ ] I wish I would have did something. else or you don't feel that anymore you. were you always that way or you got to.

this way after you know just am mounting. success no I genuinely don't think that. way from day one no one thing that I. used to do when I was on Fear Factor. though I would I would uh be jealous of. guys that were on the road like God I. wish I could go do the road right now I. just couldn't I just there was the. schedule was so hard it was very. difficult to just do just comedy and the. guys who are just doing comedy I would I. would admire that God I wish I would. could just do comedy because Fear Factor. as great of a job as it was was a job it.

was something I was doing just for money. I do stand up for free like I do guest. spots all the time for free just show up. and do comedy for free you work for free. but that's how comedy is it's fun like. we don't think about it like we enjoy. doing it we we constantly are working. out if you're working out in the city. like what are you getting for a spot 20. bucks yeah it's nothing it's nonsense. you get a free drink of 20 bucks you. doing it to work out I give it to the. waitress you know yeah for sure yeah I I. The Comedy Store would always cost me. money what I pay out in tips it would be. way more than I would make for doing a. set when I was one thing that always.

stuck with me when I was in eighth grade. at the same time I had Mono and my mom. had gout so she no none of us could we. just couldn't move I was [ __ ] had. Mono and she couldn't move her foot so. she got us cable television and we. watched uh cable and they would show. reruns of Oprah the Oprah Winfrey show. my mom would just watch it and I. remember one day and it's like advice. that just stuck in my head Oprah was on. I think it was one of the first times. she was on with Dr Phil Oprah was on and. she said you know the thing about uh.

success is real successful people is the. money always comes second it's the. passion first and then the money comes. second if you reverse it and you go. after the money first you may get. success but there's a negative karmic. energy attached to that money so the. only way to do it the right way is you. go passion first and then the money will. always come but it will come second and. I I don't know I was like in a fever. mono dream and I just always remember. and I was always stayed with me my whole. life and that's why I brought up before. I was like when I saw you kind of you.

know hammering out your set I was like. oh [ __ ] this is this is why it's the. passion is there you could pay him not. pay him if you were at this level not at. this level you'd be still the guy. hammering out the hour yeah which is. dope but that's if you have the ability. to do that like what Oprah is saying is. true but it's easy for people to say. that that have already been successful. that's like that whole secret thing. remember the secret where people like. you just got to manif things and they'll. happen have a vision board sort of if. you talk to successful people they'll. tell you that they probably did that but.

they probably did a lot of things that's. that's one factor and people want to. pretend people. want excuse me people want to pretend. that it's insignificant that's foolish. it is a factor but the people want to. pretend that it's the whole thing that's. foolish as well because you can't just. manifest things I remember we were at. the Comm store once and there was this. lady that came to the store who was a. friend of uh one of the comics and she. was telling me that she uh is following.

the secret she's like I I have the. secret now and I now I know that I'm. going to be married to the person that I. love and I'm going to have an amazing. career and all these different things as. I go I go so you're you're confident in. this you're like sure this I think this. was I don't know if I had seen the movie. yet because I remember when I saw the. movie I was like whoa these people are. out of their [ __ ] minds. I was like there's a lot more to it kids. than just this like this you can't like. you can't have a bunch of people just. thinking they're going to manifest.

themselves being a rockar it's going to. happen I'm going to make it happen like. no there's a lot of things you have to. do right there's a lot of work involved. a lot of like learning you got to like. make mistakes and recover from those. mistakes and do better and write better. stuff and perform better and get better. at and you have to do stuff that people. actually enjoy so what do people enjoy. about my work what is it what am I. missing that other people have there's a. lot that goes on it's not just I want to. be a rock star I'm going to make it. happen so this lady was telling this to.

me and this was the only time I'd ever. met her but we had we were all hanging. out in the back of the comedy store so. she was out there for a couple hours. right so then I saw her again like two. like a year two years later um I was. doing a show at another club and I ran. it to her outside I go hey how you doing. she. goes last time we talked we talked about. the secret and I she goes it's not been. working she's like she's like I don't. understand my father is a m like her.

father was like messing up her life like. she I don't know what was going on and. she was like and I just I I haven't. found that relationship and my career. isn't going well and and we had like a. very brief conversation I was like damn. yeah good to see you bye and I was. leaving and I was gone and then I. remember thinking like people that that. thought that way that really believe. you can hear that from a successful. person I just knew I had a vision I. stuck with that Vision I made it happen.

so there was a lot of people running. around during these days like the early. 2000s that had this thing in their head. that they could manifest a reality yeah. and I think it's become a popular thing. especially in this culture where it's. like you know be a boss be the best it's. like that's not how Society Works. society would crumble you need people. who don't want to do that you need. people who are saying I'm okay not being. the boss I'm okay not being the best you. need that well also and I can tell you. like in my own life in like doing this. podcast specifically I [ __ ] never.

thought it was going to be what it is I. never even imagined it I didn't want it. to be I never was a thought it was never. I want this thing to be I want to have. 15 million subscribe I no I never never. not one time the whole thought was do. your best do do who who do you want to. talk to what's interesting have an. interesting conversation stay in the. moment just do your best well and also I. correct me if I'm wrong by the time you. started your podcast you were already. successful you're already the host. you're already kind of a household name.

I'm sure financially successful so you. didn't need it for the money you were. like I just want to talk to my friends. yeah it was just doing it for fun CU I. always wanted a radio show I'm like no. one's going to give me a radio show and. also I'd probably swear I'd [ __ ] it up. right and then there was XM and back in. the time XM wasn't giving anybody any. money they had all their money was going. to Howard Stern serious XM whatever it. is the whole the big thing did they. still call it Sirus XM still serus XM. and I've heard that it's just it's it's. Howard's money yeah well he has so well. first of if he leaves they're [ __ ] oh. yeah because that's like how many. subscribers will will bail when that guy.

leaves dude I I did Howard Stern. Show three months ago and I thought he. wasn't in the room but the way they have. that set up is you really believe he's. in the room like almost like a hologram. tricked dude I was talking to Howard. Stern but he was in Long Island or. wherever he was Florida and I was in in. the city it was actually pretty crazy. because you know it's it's Howard it's. it's like it's a big big big deal it's. almost like a surreal New Yorker course. yeah it's almost like a surreal thing.

we're like this Howard Stern what and. they told me they were like you're going. to go on for five minutes so I was. prepared to do that it was um they had a. a a segment on there where they I forgot. what the name of it was but you have to. guess this guy's sexual fetish and the. guy's fetish was that he liked his nuts. and Dick taped uh nail to the wall. that's what he was into Jesus his dick. nailed to the wall nailed to the wall. with a [ __ ] nail gun. oh yeah it was that's that was when we. had to guess it little by little oh God.

damn so it was how do you even stand for. that he loved it dude you have to like. get your dick on the side of a wall how. do you find it out how do you get there. how do you find that yeah very good. question Jamie it's a very good question. he would stick when he was a kid when he. was a kid when he would get yelled at by. his mom and daddy would stick um you. know safety pins he would stick safety. pins through his dick and balls like as. a wait cope with it all oh my God oh my. God that's so crazy yeah so you just. ramp up from there kept it going rock.

hard he said by the way he was rock hard. on the show when he was taping his nuts. to the wall oh God so we had to we we. had to guess it we had to guess it and. he was like you know it was like this. thing where they were like the producer. were like hey he's going to talk to you. for five minutes just get to know you. your name what do you do comedy you know. whatever um and then uh you're going to. get into this segment and I was like. okay okay great Baba Buie Gary you know. is the one who hooked it all up and I. was like great dude 5 minutes that's. that's awesome like excellent and then.

so we go we're starting to talk I don't. know what I said I said something stupid. and he started to laugh and then he was. like wait a second wait a second wait a. second what what is it who are you and I. was like you know on the show I was like. hey my name is what I do blah blah blah. blah we start we talk for like an hour. and a half I'm like I got like a real. Howard Stern interview and then and then. we did we did the the bit at the end you. know I I I didn't have any good guesses. and then uh and then like 20 minutes.

later I get a call from a random number. and I pick up and he's like hey it's. Howard and I thought initially was one. of my friends doing like an. impersonation like because they knew I. was on Howard It Happens Live and then. he was like No it's it's me it's Howard. he was like uh he was like man that was. that was great he was like you just I. don't know like just whatever you're. doing just keep doing it he was like I I. was very engaged uh with that stuff man. he was like so so good and and then I. was like okay thanks and then hung up.

and then I was like holy [ __ ] did that. really just [ __ ] happen from Comedy. and uh and and I felt really positive I. still feel really positive and great. about that but sometimes my brain can't. hold on to that for too long and then. what will happen is we'll say okay well. let's balance it let's Catholic guilt. come in let's balance it and make. ourselves you know not believe him in. some way you know what I mean and so I. hear from you a lot you'd be able to. kind of take that confidence which is a.

beautiful thing and just kind of make. have it make you stronger and say I'm. all right I'm going to keep going up. where I look for a way down from it to. balance and that so I fight against that. but I'm I'm getting close and I do think. the next time I come on this podcast. I'll I'll be fully I'll be fully gay oh. okay I'll be fully in okay I don't um I. don't think too much about myself right. I try to just think about life and I. think about what I'm trying to do right. you know whatever thing I'm trying to be.

good at that's that's how I handle it I. think right dwelling too much about. yourself is not it's like every comic. has a tendency towards narcissism I. don't think that should be encouraged I. don't I don't find any benefit to it you. do you think you have a a do you have. everybody does I think we just have it. right yeah everybody does that's why you. want to look good you want to sound good. you want want people to admire you. people think you're doing well all that. stuff but don't don't feed that you know.

like yeah that's what it is feeding it. yeah don't feed it think about the thing. like whatever you're doing whatever your. art form is or you know relationships or. friendships or think about those things. don't think good wolf or the bad wolf. yeah don't think about you yeah yeah. that's good I like that don't think. about you think about the thing you're. trying to do and just be the best you. can at the thing the best you can be at. the thing is everything you could ever. ask of yourself s and the only thing. that's going to get in the way of that. is doubts lack of discipline lack of. talent lack of hard work yeah work ethic.

is a lot there's a lot of people that. like substitute work ethic for anxiety. they substitute work ethic for a bunch. of like [ __ ] thinking that just. distracts them from doing what they. really should be doing which getting. stuff done because like what is the. thing you're trying to feel you the only. when I like there's a giant difference. like if I uh am in my office there's a. giant difference between how I feel if I. just watch YouTube videos even if it's. like an interesting thing it's a giant. difference between how I feel that then.

if I go over my material and I start. writing and I write a new tagline I. write a new joke I have a new premise I. have a new thing I put it in my phone. now I go to bed I feel great right now I. feel good so it's like you got to learn. like what is the thing that helps the. thing that always helps my mental state. is to. be to to to be engaged in a thing and to. be creative and to try to figure this. thing out and then do the work that you. need to be doing for your career for the.

thing that you love which is comedy. right or whatever it is or even. podcasting do the work on that thing. right work on the thing and then when. you're done you feel good if you're just. [ __ ] off you just feel like a loser. and if you feel like a loser and you. start feeling that maybe that's who I am. um and then you have impostor syndrome. and then it look just be professional. just get it do the things you have to do. and then if I do all that stuff then I. can actually enjoy a movie I can sit. down and enjoy a movie I'm I [ __ ] did.

everything I'm supposed to do I can. enjoy anything but if I have like in my. head like I'm not doing what I'm. supposed to be doing I'm not doing the. work I'm supposed to be doing then I. feel like a loser so it's like just do. the work and then you don't feel like a. loser and then you could be sociable. then you could you're fun to hang out. with cuz you're not like overwhel like. the your mind is not on this thing that. you should really be doing instead of. being here at this party with your. friends you really should be at home.

working on that thing get all that [ __ ]. done so that you don't feel bad see cuz. I I I hear you and I think that that's. 100% accurate right but a lot of times I. don't know what it is you need to coach. yourself well that's what it is and I I. I think but I do think a lot of this. stuff is baked into some of that. Catholic guilt I do think I do think you. can't feel good about yourself because. it subconsciously tells you well then. you're something bad now will happen. right it's this weird thing that so I.

think sometimes I flirt with that. because I I pretty you know I I do my. writing and I I do kind of say all right. get into comedy got the whole family. behind you you need to do this let's do. this but sometimes it's that uh that. Catholic guilt but um I I'm I'm at a. point in my life now I'm reading this. book case for Christ you ever read this. book no case for Christ by this guy Le. stroble um I you know was very mad at. Catholicism for a very long time because. I grew up Catholic when I was 17 when.

our brains are forming is when all the. Catholic [ __ ] came out the priest raping. and all that stuff and I was like well. [ __ ] I have Catholic tattoos all over. my body already what am I supposed to do. now I I can't this I'm like want to rip. my tattoos off and I was very angry for. a while initially didn't want to get my. kids baptized came around did it but. then I read this book case for Christ. and I was like wow this guy's putting. forward like very compelling Arguments. for like not only Jesus's existence but. his actual like Works being real like.

like this all being [ __ ] pretty real. and pretty historically accurate and I. was like oh [ __ ] and then so I started. to like go back a little bit right and I. started to. say you know because some of the things. I'm even talking about on the show are. kind of like you know it's still me but. it's like it's not as it's not as uh. much as me anymore cuz I start to go. back to church and I start to feel like. this like just like calmness and almost. like even if it's forced like this forc.

connection let me give you some advice. yes you know what your problems are. right and you know how you're doing when. you're doing your best and you know the. things that you're doing that lead you. to go astray to go Haywire right you. know that right I think so yeah you're. really aware of that if you were a coach. and you were looking at you and you know. all this information you would give. yourself very solid advice right you. would right do that then right just have.

a coach in your head that's what I do I. have like a part of my head that's like. the general that just tells me what the. [ __ ] we're doing yeah like I don't want. to do this the general says shut the. [ __ ] up and let's go and I listen to. that part like have that that part in my. head that's always there that knows this. is going to be fine you know you know. how to handle this just handle it deal. with it breathe go through it move. on have like a set in your.

head of ideals yeah of of behavior that. you're tolerating behavior that you're. not tolerating the the way to handle. things when things come up and don't. just dwell on every problem every time. instead have this this like thing very. rigid in your head this is what we're. going to do write it down write it down. write down on a piece of. paper if this comes up this is what we. do we don't do this we don't dwell on. stupid [ __ ] we don't worry about.

nonsense we don't [ __ ] fret about we. don't sell our house because there's not. a bagel shop close even though there was. yes there's you don't write those things. down write those things down like give. yourself like Rock Solid rules right no. and then go to those rules every time. something comes up instead of just like. riffing it just winging it being lost in. this world of like management of anxiety. like have rigid ideas in your head of. how you're going to handle it it seems. like you've gotten through the worst.

parts right like it sounds like your. anxiety during basketball was [ __ ]. crazy nuts dude that sounds crazy I used. to bite my toenails off till they bled. cuz my nails cuz I went through my. fingernails that's crazy yeah so you got. through that so you got through the. worst so you know how bad it can be when. it goes sideways and you know how to. coach yourself write all this stuff down. write it down for the future write down. like this is this is these are problems. that come up and this is how I'm going. to avoid these problems well you know. what you know what I think happens too.

is because of podcasting sometimes I'm. like because my girl said something to. me once interesting she was like you. know you on these podcasts you talk. about all these issues you have and. whatever she was like but at home you're. like not that guy like I don't know like. this stuff is like you're never like. talking to us about you're never acting. like that like she was like I see you. writing and doing things but then you go. on the Pod and you're like look at this. [ __ ]. look at my brain so she's like what like. don't feel like you have to just go on a. podcast and to try to be interesting say.

all your she was like do you feel that. sometimes when I never did until she. said it I'm like you know I'll come on. to a podcast like I came on today and. said Chris just come on be confident be. who you are project yourself you're. doing good Joe and you are you're you're. you're closer now than you were two time. just shut up and do it and then. immediately I'm like I'm a. [Laughter].

mistake damn so that's that's who I am. right but you're not that way when. you're at home you're not that way when. you're at your best according to my. family might be leaning into it you. might be leaning into it it might be a. problem because like it you do kind of. think it's something to talk about. that's interesting and so you lean into. it you make it worse yeah cuz I mean. yesterday in the green room I wasn't. like that we were just [ __ ] talking. around hanging out and I'll be that way. tonight you didn't even seem a little. anxious yesterday especially for someone. who hadn't done standup in 6 weeks no I. went out there yesterday I hadn't eaten.

I did a 24-hour fast so I was just I was. like in my body yesterday I felt like a. lot of I mean I know you've done it. before but when you get on those fasts. and you just get like all this energy. like I couldn't even sleep yeah it's. weird isn't it yeah I just loved it yeah. the the the fact you get energy from. fasting is very strange I've done a lot. of 24 hours I haven't done anything more. than that though I've been thinking. about doing one them three-day ones yeah. lot of people I know that did three day. ones I heard that that's I heard that. George St Pierre talk about he does it. three or four times a year I think it's. probably really good to give your.

digestion a chance to rest like you're. just constantly eating food your body's. like Jesus like more work like give it. some time off do you think it's possible. like in ancient times that because. sometimes in the Bible they'll say. people live to 400 500 years old do you. think it's not 400 but do you think it's. possible people were living to As Long. As 120 years back then yeah maybe 120. yeah in a rare genetic case with very. good nutrition in a Blue Zone some place.

where there's a lot of minerals in the. water yeah you you might be able to it's. possible 120s people have gotten there. before but the 500 years old like Noah. like oh [ __ ] out of here well I think. it's it's true but I think it's one of. those things where they probably just. took birth they took records differently. back then like I think in China I think. you only celebrate your birthday once. every 10 years oh so you could be like. Oh I'm 500 but you're really not well. that would mean you're five yeah exactly. 50 right but it I.

think you know human beings biologically. the only thing that's going to change. how we age is science and they're pretty. close to being able to do that with a. lot of things and there's a few things. you could do to mitigate right aging. today and it does work it does help you. but 500 years old it's most likely that. they just didn't know what the [ __ ] they. were talking about 350 Years After the. flood he died at the age of 950 there. you go Tera was 128 Noah pedopile the. last the extremely long lived anian.

Patriarchs died 350 Years After the. flood at the age of 950 when Tera was. 128 the maximum human lifespan as. depicted by the Bible gradually. diminishes thereafter from almost 1,000. years to 120 years of Moses see what I'm. saying now that's Old Testament so you. know I don't know they a lot of that. stuff with story stuff but dude I'm. telling you this book case for Christ. the [ __ ] history it's not it's not. even an opinion he's not saying I want.

you to believe he's like here's the. history here's why we dude so like if I. told you if I said to you Joe you. believe everything you've heard about. Alexander the Great right you believe it. you believe it you know he's fought in. these battles what they say you just. believe it's Alexander the Great I'll. read his biography you'd say yeah sure. but then you'd be like oh but I don't I. don't believe they made the [ __ ] up. about Jesus okay Alexander the Great. because what you'll always hear is well. the gospels were written a 100 plus. years after Jesus died Alexander the.

Great's first biography was written like. 300 years after he died so that right. there is like well his Jesus's the. historians of Jesus were much closer in. time than say Alexander the Great and. even furthermore back then like the. ancient Hebrews they OB they didn't had. before writing they didn't write. anything so they would memorize the Old. Testament and the scripture so that you. had guys that they would pass down right. they knew they knew 5,000 pages of a.

book at the side of their head so yes. the gospels were 70 years later but they. were based off the accounts of people. who were living at that time and up to. like 25 years after it and they say oh. well game of telephone I can tell you. something goes around the room Telephone. by the time it gets to me you know 10. people what you just said is irrelevant. it's a totally different thing I get it. but what they said is because of that. ancient uh thing of you know kind of. having to pass down these Old Testaments.

because they couldn't write it would be. like if you're playing a game of. telephone but every person I check with. the person before to make sure the word. I'm saying is right and then I keep. going so then then it's going to work. because you're constantly checking so. that's what they said happened there and. I was like okay well okay that's a. little bit of confirmation bias because. the the real problem is like who said it. originally so and who decided what the. words were originally okay that I get I. get that which is true but just for.

Jesus there was this book was saying. that the reason why they believe the. historical accuracy of it is because his. basically his haters and the disciples. were both saying the same thing so you. have the Romans saying yeah this is what. happened who hated him and at that point. would be like get this guy out of here. he's basically causing a Revolt that's. why we have to kill him he's like a. somebody getting you know mag you know. protester today they were like [ __ ] this. guy he's out right and so they were. saying yeah what you're saying happened.

and then the disciples are saying it. like a big thing is the resurrection. right people say really he [ __ ]. resurrected from the dead and you're. like well everybody agreed haters Romans. and the isra Jewish people everybody. agreed he died that's 100% that's why. when they stab him and they say why. water came out it wasn't water it was. fluid from his lungs because he was dead. and that's what would happen to you or I. when we die we have this lung fluid that. comes out so that's what they said oh.

that's water that's what they made him. Divinity but it was like a natural thing. he's dead everyone agrees and and you. say well they buried him in a tomb and. then the next day or 3 days later the. tomb's empty and people like so you know. that made up and they say 500 people saw. him in the town Romans and Hebrew they. saw him over the next couple weeks they. 500 independently sourced people real. like corroborated 500 people saw him so.

you say okay so there's that and then. the the other conspiracy theory is like. well the disciples robbed his body the. disciples just robbed his body uh. because they didn't want him they would. hand over crucifixion victims to like. the wild dogs that used to be it the way. it was if you got crucified throw you in. a pit wild dogs eat you or leave you on. the cross birds will eat you that's we. deal with you so they're like that's why. they were taking his body and then you. see like well that's probably not what.

happened and the Romans themselves. acknowledge there's no body in that tomb. that we put in there 3 days ago there's. the body is not there and we did it so. in order to save ourselves we're going. to say the apostles robbed it but in. reality that's just a conspiracy because. these Apostles would have no reason to. rob it that would that so the Romans. think the apostles Rob the body that's a. conspiracy why do you say. conspiracy you're saying a conspiracy to. diminish the story no no no I meant I. meant conspiracy in the sense of that's.

what people say as a reason why the the. did the Romans say that the Romans have. said that the Romans said that back then. and then I guess conspiracy is the wrong. word cuz I'm not I'm not um like it's uh. it's one story one explanation I'll say. explanation of but would if you looked. at it like what's the most logical. explanation is the most logical. explanation that a dead guy came back to. life or the most logical explanation. that someone took his body because. that's what the Romans. said I'm just because I'm in I'm saying.

that that is that came back to life one. time and I'm not saying I'm crazy about. it I'm just saying you know what after. reading that book there was enough. things that happened that historical. Scholars who aren't religious some are. believers some are not are like this. existed and this happened but you're. talking about historical Scholars from. 2,000 years ago and their knowledge of. Science and biology and life and the.

universe itself was extremely limited. right and so their their entire. fundamentals like everything they. believed in was based on based on. mythology everything was based on gods. and and and demons and okay so then what. about this all right fine what if the. Romans okay they made made it up right I. I'm sorry I mean the Romans are correct. the disciples took the body who everyone. agreed was dead what about the 500.

people that saw him in the town over the. next six weeks did you talk to those. people no so who knows what they. believed but who knows what they. actually believed who knows how they. said it who knows if it was a religious. thing look there's there's people that. have mass hallucinations all the time. about a lot of things and there's people. that you could give them false memory. false memory is a real thing someone can. convince you that something happened. that didn't happen it's it's real it's. like they've demonstrated how to do it.

we all know friends that have a memory. of something and you go that's not what. happened and then you say your version. of it and then everybody has to like. figure out what really happened you know. you're like do you remember that time we. were at the game and you said this like. I didn't say that like that was not me. yeah that was Mike and you're like what. yeah yeah you remember Mike lost his job. he was drunk remember and they're like. oh yeah like you thought it was me like. you put it on me it's like you Chang. things like people change things right. they also your memory becomes a memory.

of your memory and not the actual memory. itself true it becomes a memory of the. story you're telling right and so if. this person was this. significant um religious Guru figure. like Jesus was right and he really does. have this amazing view of how Humanity. can live in harmony. and he really does talk to people about. this and he really does preach. forgiveness and he really does like. treat everybody like they're the same.

poppers and hookers and everyone. everyone's just God's children loved. when that guy's gone you're going to. miss him man you're going to miss him. bad and if you really do have a. fundamental view of reality that's based. entirely on myth and you have connected. this guy to the son of Christ or the Son. of God rather this this this F that is. brought here to save us and the Romans. took him from us and killed him and now. you know he died for our sins and the. whole thing you if you have that in your.

head and then someone says I saw him. like I saw him too right like people see. the Virgin Mary in a [ __ ] grilled. cheese sandwich people see things yeah. you know it doesn't mean those things. aren't there it doesn't mean that isn't. a vision but it also does mean that. people see things that aren't and. there's a lot of people that are not. that bright they're not smart and. they're easily LED and they're easily. manipulated but also doesn't mean that. Jesus wasn't real like all those things. but it's just the likelihood of someone.

coming back to life is very low right. the likelihood of someone taking his. body is very high right so if you Ed. like aam's razor the simplest solution. is the simplest answer is probably what. you're searching for that it's probably. that someone took the body right dude. where do they put it well you could put. put it anywhere like no one knows where. gask Khan is buried no genas Khan they. did the wildest thing with him they sent. a pack of people to buried kingas Khan.

then they sent another pack of people to. kill the people that that they everybody. that went to kingas Khan's funeral was. murdered they all they all got murdered. by another group of people and then. those group of people got murdered by a. separate group to make sure that no one. had any understanding at all about where. gas Khan was buried oh my God to his no. one knows where he was I think thousands. of people died to hide his his burial. but it's got to be somewhere in Mongolia. somewhere yeah yeah no one knows yeah I.

I maybe they could do liar over the. entire country and figure it out well. there'll be some somebody will Proclaim. that they found it at some point maybe. you know they have no idea they have no. idea so see if you can find that story. because it's a pretty wild story what. about people who they get canonized as. Saints because you exume their body and. they haven't um they haven't uh you know. at all that's like a big thing yeah what. about those people well there's people. look they found that guy who died in the. glacier that was uh thousands of years.

old you know people's bodies in the. right situations okay hold on a second. Marco po wrote even by the late 13th. century the Mongols did not know the the. location of the Tomb secret history of. the Mongols has the year gask Khan's. death 1227 but no information concerning. his burial so a frequently recounted. tale Marco Polo tells that 2,000 slaves. attended his funeral were killed by the. soldiers sent to guard them and that. these soldiers in turn were killed by. another group of soldiers which killed.

anyone and anything that crossed their. path in order to conceal where he was. buried finally the legend states that. when they reached their destination they. committed. suicide wow oh they commit suicide so. that no one will ever know where he was. buried yeah that's wild pretty badass. that's pretty badass pretty bad and and. they were [ __ ] Monsters the Mongolian. kill everybody on Horseback the best. fighting force ever some people say 10%. of the population damn they killed so.

many people that they lowered the carbon. footprint of Earth during the time he. was alive because so many people died. that they all the places that they had. deforested they chopped down the trees. trees grew back right and it created. more more trees so it created more. oxygen sucked got more carbon from the. air cuz nothing's better at eating. carbon than trees they live off carbon. dioxide so these you could do a core.

sample and show that these people killed. so many people that they lowered the. carbon footprint of humans on Earth. that's pretty nuts they killed somewhere. during his lifetime somewhere between 50. and 70 million people depending on so is. there anybody if you extrapolate that. like did he kill more people than like. Stalin and Hitler way more than. percentage wise yeah he killed more than. anybody ever his people did during his. lifetime CU they I mean they conquered a. giant swath of the world and the Mongols.

I think they they were in control of. like a quarter of Earth dude Asians are. [ __ ] brutal they could why people we. get the worst ramp in history but Asians. [ __ ] kill each other and are so. racist and hate each other like you. can't imagine dude you know like the. rapen Nan King dude it's like we never. white people never did that that was. crazy bayonetting and [ __ ] Jenis Khan. sometimes I'm like hey man I get why. people I get we have our history but. it's like so does [ __ ] everybody else. stop it it's also just brutal times.

require brutal people I mean that was a. brutal time to be. alive yeah right you can't ruthless I. read something about those times back. this was more medieval times this was. interesting that um you sex was not. taboo it was because we all had to live. Under One Roof so sex was just. animalistic to procreate to get more. bodies on the farm so you would watch. your mom and dad have sex right next to. you didn't even it wasn't a thing about. cleansiness or you know I mean I'm sure.

you had to get an erection and get wet. so there had to be some type of. something but it was like this wild. thing where like this whole idea of. taboo a sex being taboo and having terms. for everything is a pretty much like a. new thing it was I read this whole thing. about then they then impotence Court in. France so back in the day Court dude. there was this guy there's this guy who. wrote this it's called um [ __ ]. history it's by the guy the author's. name is the captain this guy's the man. and it's cool I read one page a day and.

it's about different times in history. kind of apply it to today but this one. thing I read about was in the 1600s. there was an impotence court so if you. could get divorced if your wife or any. if you wanted a divorce the wife wanted. a divorce the only way out was you had. to go to this court and you had to prove. that your husband is impotent and can't. get his dick up so they the court were. there and then you'd have to perform the. act and if the husband couldn't get it. up you have to have sex in front of.

people couldn't get it up would Grant. you the divorce because that was the. only grounds that it was necessary for. and right because you needed procreation. you need a procreation that's what this. is about he wouldn't deny a woman's. ability to procreate the man can't get. an erection so you could leave him and. then I think if if he did prove his. manhood and have sex with her and get a. hard on and come I think then he had the. legal right to kill her oh for even. taking him to court so if you can [ __ ]. her in front of everybody then he can. kill her isn't that like wild how times.

used to cuz it we were [ __ ] brutal. man it's not that long ago like we have. the same brain as them right we're just. more civilized it's not like our brain. has went over this insane Evolution yet. I have I have that guy's brain but I. just don't do it like I'm not I we're I. guess we're more societal pressures not. to do it well also Society has changed. where we have more access to information. we know how other people feel back then. they didn't care dude isn't that what. like like the smartest like the Elon.

musks and the you know Stephen Hawkins. of like that time thought like the they. thought that the sun went around the. earth and they were I mean the the yeah. the sun went around like they no they. thought the Earth was the center of the. UN the Earth was the center of the. universe and like they were as confident. as our smart people saying we are. positive that it's the other way sort of. but when cernus and all these different. people figured out that that wasn't the. case Galileo no I know that but I'm.

saying so what do you think today we. believe in that we will be disproved in. a major way like cuz as as this you know. when they when cernus and Galileo came. out and said I'm sure it's the other way. I have the proof and then everybody was. like wait what what do you think today. is we're we're believing as fact even. you and me are believing but going to be. disproven is what if you had a hunch. what do you think it is that's an. interesting. question I don't know I don't know what. it' be obviously cuz obviously if.

there's a thing that we all believe. today like how how the [ __ ] could I know. that that would be the thing that you. should read this part of the this is. about the impotence Court like but this. I got to this funny part you should read. start the unhappy the unhappy couple. would then be subject to separate. examinations to speculate groping by. surgeons Physicians and midwives specul. excuse me groping by surgeons Physicians. and midwives a husband's natural parts. were scrutinized for color shape and. number the best thing he could hope for.

were the inspect inspectors of delicate. demeanor various hypothesis were created. could he muster inter erection expel. reproductive fluids on demand was HE. capable of healthy performance or had he. been forcing his partner. into how do he say that word Las lasv. lascivious lascivious positions without. the promise of coming children that. means butt [ __ ] uh as could be. expected many withheld many wilted Under.

Pressure according to the reports of a. trial in Rhymes I say that rhymes r h. Rhymes uh the experts waited around a. fire many a time did he call out come. come now but it was always a false alarm. the wife laughed and told them do not. hurry so for I know him well the experts. said after that never had they laughed. as much nor slept as little as on that. night oh my God so they're just laughing.

this poor [ __ ] guy is freaking out. like I got it I got a heart hch like he. ain't got [ __ ] [ __ ] oh my God I mean I. couldn't do that if you want to ask me. to I mean it's very difficult it's. there's no way Tod be able to get hard. CRA imagine you're in court and you got. to [ __ ] was saying that uh divorce was. illegal then so most of these would have. to come from the women and most of their. majority like 20% of the cases it was. from nobility so like rich women were. saying oh boy my husband can't get it. hard so they have to and then but then.

you would have to prove it I'm not. that's real Pro it yeah and then it it. was on who whichever partner actually. was found to not be able to get it up. had to pay for the court proceedings and. lawyers and everything they were. checking a woman's wetness like what do. you. mean could happen the other way they. could say the woman's impotent or a. woman can't give birth that's a big. thing you can't give birth to Sons yeah. yeah that was a big thing King Henry VII. right he killed all his wives and he was. the one that was controlling the sex but. science didn't know that yet the thing. is also that boy when when human beings.

used to have fertility rituals like they. were always trying to reproduce because. people died so early yeah like people. died of everything they died broken leg. dead injury dead you know infection dead. blood infection sepsis dead everybody. just died like the OD like that's when. when people look at like the average age. of people back then oh people only lived. to 30 that's really because there was so. much infant mortality and infant. mortality and childhood mortality.

factors in that because like half your. kids are going to die it's not like. today you have five kids the five kids. are at my my grandfather's house hey. everybody's growing up now they have. kids of their own way back then. everybody died so you're saying back. then you there were still plenty of 50. 60 and 70 year- olds walking around. there's probably a few you know that. like dodged bullets and made it to that. way and [ __ ] pulled arrows out of. there back but the bottom line is is. like it's the same what's that guy's. boner why you showing us this this gets. into saying that like it had to go big. dicks were an issue back then or.

something they were using this statue as. a scarecrow in many places cuz it was it. would threaten rape so it would just. scare people away from the gardens and. whatnot it's what you see a big boner. that keep people from raping people look. at the hogs on these folks crazy Jesus. and that's them soft look at that guy. look at that that guy's a liar that's. crazy no perfect that's what I have no. circumcision back then either or maybe. there was I don't know no they said they. would parade them around on comic stages. of Athens until the 4th Century giant.

members wow giant members guys with. giant Hogs yeah wow okay what's that. word tessent where do you see that. perhaps the abundance of tessent dicks. tessent a roll tent it sounds eloquent. maybe um the abundance giant giant hog. yes what does it mean probably would. assume that's have you ever used that. I've never used no swollen swollen all. right oh SP hard hard dicks hard dicks I.

mean everybody probably so they tie. their dick off get a boner probably tie. a little rope around the base of their. balls and everything and keep it hard. look what I got here yeah look at my fat. Co I don't I think back then too I think. that soldiers I I read a lot of stuff. about the RO Roman soldiers I think. Greek soldiers were like you know had. wives and kids but on the battlefield. night before was totally okay to be gay. have an intimate relationship because. they thought you have to uh be in love. with the man you're protecting next to.

you in order to protect him in the right. way that's what the Spartans felt right. that's what it was oh CU that's who it. was then yeah but there's a lot of like. gay sex going on back then I think. people did a lot of gay stuff and a lot. of Pedas beastiality right I think like. I think we have a lot of terms now for. [ __ ] but I think back then like uh James. Buchanan who was the president before. Abraham Lincoln um they used to call him. he didn't have a wife uh he had a a a a. senator who was like they would call him. Aunt Nancy that was like their nickname.

for him because they were like these two. guys are gay right right and but the. public at the time knew that but didn't. care they you being your sexuality was. never in the minds of the American voter. in the 1800s that came later I don't. know when it came but I was fascinated. to read that I was like oh wow back then. when you think that you know people must. have been much more conservative back. then they were like no we don't give a. [ __ ] at all like just do get the country. in order and actually it plays a part. because James Buchanan being you know.

possibly gay and with this guy an you. know calling him anany this Senator. boyfriend of his uh was a senator from. the south and it was James Buchanan's. presidency because he was giving all. these favors to they think his boyfriend. of that state that tipped the balance. scales and kind of caused the Civil War. W that's what they say yeah yeah yeah. yeah I don't have the hard facts on it. but I remember reading that I was like. yo that's [ __ ] wild where like you. just B like Abraham Lincoln kind of took. over a country that was the the roller.

coaster had went down he could not stop. it and he could and and they say that he. really sided with the kind of freeing. the slaves and the North and the union. because they had much more soldiers and. were much bigger than the South but like. if that was the other way Lincoln wasn't. at the time you know you can make up. what you want and some people agree and. disagree but it's like he was going with. what he thought was best to preserve the. union not necessarily you know I think. slavery at that time a lot of people.

started to be like this is gross now. stop doing it but but I read a thing too. where it was just geography where they. said if the coton plantations were in. the north you would have had the slaves. and we would have been the non-slave. holder so like we had to do that with. the of course they didn't but they would. say we had to do that with the. technology at the time this is what we. had to we needed the Manpower and they. were the only people who would do it. it's really just that they could do it. they could right they could do it they. definitely didn't have to yeah because. you know I read this thing about you.

know they could have just paid people. well like and and Native you know. because you know um they were saying. like where the specific place I forgot. where it. was speciic specific tumul specific. place they got the uh slaves from in. Africa were people who were very like. kind like giving people there wasn't any. War there so they believed you if you. said come with me I'll come with you. because I'm I listen you know like I'm. we're all at peace here where we are so.

why wouldn't I come with you and then. you know they were in the Portuguese. were enslaving them and putting them on. these ships and then that's just how. that's why they were able to get them. from that part like they knew that which. is like really Sinister that these are. good people that are just they they're. they their culture is to follow it's. it's but then you have like the Native. Americans who were on the land at the. same time in America and you couldn't. enslave them cuz they they would be like. no we're fighting everybody around us. cuz cuz they they could have subjugated. them too in this I forgot what book it.

was but I was reading but they couldn't. they just couldn't it was like wild. horses so they purposely went to a place. where the culture was to be kind people. and I was like oh that's like a really. horrible part of like the human brain. even though I know at that time things. were different but I'm like that's. pretty just evil to do that there's a. lot of evil in history yeah history is. flooded with evil it's almost there's. almost no instances of people not being. evil there's SCI Culture by way every. culture it's not it's not just one group.

every culture I saw this one thing I. can't I'm blanking on all these things. that I read it where who we are as Homo. sapiens I'm sure you know this like like. there's like however many groups of homo. sapiens there were like you know. different types of humanoids but us Homo. sapiens. whether our type was the most vicious. type that's why we won so this idea of. war is is in our head because that's. what's deep baked in our DNA cuz we were. the one that won out to you know evolve. into humans so we have it in our things.

so when people are like not like we're. War like because that's just that's in. our brains no matter what and if you. don't if you're not physical some would. say like me not physical I'll create a. war in my brain but what keeps me going. is War what keeps me going is a problem. that I have to fix like that so I was. like oh that was interesting I don't. know if any of it's founded well we're. certainly hard hardwired for conflict. right yeah humans are hardwire I mean. there's no one today that's rational. that believes that like in 3 years we'll. have no war on earth right or I mean.

could you imagine a time with no war. anywhere on Earth you can't no that's. not that's not possible that's humans do. War which is the thing that everyone's. the most fearful of the most terrifying. things in history are war and we just. even though we know that and most people. don't want war we assume there will. never be a time with no war which is a. crazy thought here's a you asked me. earlier why do you think the. NYPD is not you know why do you think. the city's going to fail here's a. conspiracy I heard I guess you would. call this a conspiracy or maybe an.

explanation again from one of my cop. friends he's like you know why they're. doing that he's like the high high up. people you know those people that don't. even exist on paper that are worth 10. times as much as zon musk and whatever. those guys they want AI in they want it. in the police forces they want it in the. world so what they're doing is they're. causing chaos here. and they're going to cause so much chaos. that we're going to beg to just be ruled. by AI we're going to be beg for in uh in. in IND different AI piece of Machinery.

that sees it in black and white and will. do the right things put the criminals in. jail is who will be ruling this city and. that it's going to take some time but. that's that's what it is the cops tell. you that a cop told me that I mean wow I. was like I I didn't dismiss him I was. like it makes sense and he was being. like that's what it is what else could. it be and I was like d I don't [ __ ]. know man it's it's the the IDE I don't. think they're thinking that far in. advance honestly I think the ideology of. these woke people it's it's really a.

cult and the cult is that there is some. institutional racism that has caused all. these people to be locked up and the. only solution is to just let them out. and when they commit crime it's because. of institutional racism that's put them. in that position and that's why they're. committing crime and the only solution. is to let them out and to just tolerate. it right and this is to try to break. this cycle which is ridiculous it's. that's not how to do it the the the way.

to do it is to make wherever they live. to enrich it so that it's not so crime. ridden and gang ridden that there's. other ways out so people don't lose. their lives being connected to the. culture of wherever they're at because. it's just so criminally entrenched yeah. yeah I mean it's just they don't they're. not thinking that far in advance I think. most of the people that are propagating. this stuff but I also think we're being. influenced by other countries I think. we're being influenced by social media. which is also being influenced by.

Foreign actors that are doing things and. saying things and promoting things. specifically to degrade our confidence. in in our system yeah because we are the. only system that's like this we're the. we're the the first experiment in. self-government in the world that we're. aware of other than the Greeks obviously. but the Greeks did it out of ay delics. like they learned to develop democracy I. think I believe that too and I think. that maybe that's something that in the. future like we're living through it now.

but in the future they'll be like oh. remember when the years those people. were on social media and they got into. all these wars and destroyed the planet. if it gets there because of these things. that weren't even real like it's going. to be history it's going to the. influence of it is going to be measured. it's going to be monitored it's going to. be a very hotly discussed topic because. it's controversial even today while it's. happening and the the evidence is. irrefutable the evidence of its presence. is irrefutable but there's still some. people that don't think that that's. what's causing it I think it's certainly. exacerbating it at the very least I.

don't know if it's caused it but the. infiltration of the education. institutions by other countries is well. documented too they know what they're. doing and it's working I mean Yuri. basmanov we talked about it a thousand. times unfortunately that video from '84. saw it where all that stuff is crazy. play the plan yeah that's they were. talking about this in ' 84 yeah it's. it's actually the chickens have come. home to Roose it's really it's really. going on right now yeah you're seeing it. on college campuses today oh I know New. York Columbia University nuts it's it's.

all over the news they're they're cult. people they're basically in like this. weird uh societal collapse cult they. want society as it stands right now they. think it's fundamentally terrible and it. should be destroyed so like those people. when we speak about these people that. want this and want that do you think. like there's things about the universe. that they know for a fact and they're as. human as you and I and they just know it. and this is why they do what they do. like like they're specula I don't think.

they're thinking that far in advance. that's the thing I'm thinking the. problem with all this is no one's take. like like freedom of speech if you take. away people's freedom of speech because. you think they're wrong and you're right. the problem is then someone else who. comes along can also take away your. freedom of speech if they get into Power. if they think you're wrong you got to. have people be able to talk about things. so you can figure out what's right and. what's wrong and sort things out find. out what's true what's not true what's. right the only way to do that is freedom. of speech and you have to allow people. to do that even if they say things that.

you don't enjoy you don't want to hear. it's better to have someone refute that. and work it out than to silence people. right as soon as you don't think that. then you've silenced discourse if you. silenced discourse you've [ __ ] up all. progress and now people are just going. to cling to whatever it is like what the. the the reason why they went after. Galileo or the because people have like. an entrenched set of beliefs and they. don't want anything to come along and. challenge that and anything that does. they'll squash that yeah they'll kill.

you they'll [ __ ] torture you and. that's the time we're in now the. puritanical CU yeah it's very similar to. that the the woke stuff is very similar. to religion in a lot of ways like you. you it's absolute inherence anyone who. deviates at all is cast out of the. Kingdom there's there's they attack you. it's just like a cult right I think I. think it's lost a lot of I mean feels. like it's lost a lot of a more of its. power now it feels like most people are. like well just well you know people. coming out of the fever he the the the.

haze of it all like what the [ __ ] was. going on and I think they're more aware. of how crazy it all is now than ever. before yeah yeah but there's still a lot. of people on universities especially. that are just deeply entrenched and it's. also their identity it's a way that they. could be interesting it's a way that. they can get social status status is a. big factor is a giant factor in how how. people behave and why they do what they. do and it's certainly the the social. media is the worst for that because so. many people they post these cringy. things on social media like I know what.

you're doing yeah just trying to you're. just fishing for likes you [ __ ]. weirdo see I think we all starting to. know that now cuz I remember when I was. when my um daughter who's eight now was. like one or two we had a friend and. their they were giving their kid who was. like I think 10 social media as a. birthday gift you would hear that a lot. I'm going to give my kid social media. but now nobody would do that now we. would know like how poison that is for. kid and that was just you know five six. years ago where people weren't aware of.

the kind of dangers of it all that might. be a thing where like you know how. people when they were smoking cigarettes. didn't know that they were killing. themselves and they didn't you were the. smoking industry was allowed to just. Camp you know promote that might be that. that might be the thing of the future. pervasive though I think it's going to. it's going to turn into something even. crazier I think with AI the introduction. of AI and then newer technology that. allows some other form of communication. it's just going to get even weirder I. just think this is the reality that. we're living in we're we're we are a.

technological Society we are technology. creating species right and we're going. to keep going just keep it going and. then you think the first person who. might live forever with their conscious. uploaded into an AI is alive right now I. don't know I mean if that actually. happens I don't know if that happens. yeah I think something happens I think. for me to speculate would be kind of. crazy but I think something something. wild is going to happen pretty soon I. think the with AI and the way AI is.

progressing that it's going to be. smarter than every human being alive. inside of five years oh yeah where where. does that take us and what do we find. ourselves in a position like your cop. friend said where AI has to govern the. country because that does make sense but. the problem is like who is in charge of. the AI who gets to program the AI right. because AI is not immune to being. programmed we saw with that Google AI. that they do the founding fathers were. all. black like did you see that they like.

show us a photo of a pope with a black. guy Asian lady like [ __ ] yeah it's like. it doesn't know how to avoid the woke. [ __ ] that it's been programmed with. not yet but it could adapt it could. adapt and if it does adapt and it. becomes objective and it actually has. smart decisions that would benefit the. entire country as a whole people are. going to want to listen to it because. it's going to be superior to us and it's. not going to have the greed and. deception built into it that human. beings do it's not going to be.

supposedly influenced by money yeah but. of course I mean yeah but it becomes. sensient then it doesn't you know right. now it's controlled by people it's it's. but if it becomes something that. designed itself you know it it it if it. surpasses the design of human beings and. creates its own version of itself but a. far superior version of it and then we. allow that thing to lead us so what we. got to do is find jobs that you just. want to be towards the back of the line. because AI is going to start to take. over job after job but comedian we're.

pretty far down the line I mean I know. AI could take us over in on TV and on. the internet live performances are still. going to be a thing live sports are. still going to be a thing so you're at. the back of the line for AI I mean. they're trying to hold off technology in. sports but by limiting steroid use right. cuz what is steroid use it's. manipulating chemicals in order to. achieve a superior human being. physically a superior specimen that can. do things that an average person can't.

like when you look at bodybuilders that. is not possible without technology no. there's no way you don't get that big. that's crazy you're not supposed to be. that big like those people are that big. because of human invented technology. that allows you to introduce massive. amounts of hormones in your system that. don't make any sense and [ __ ] 350 lbs. you're 57 that's crazy yeah but there's. people like that in the world yeah yeah. they're monsters monsters and I heard. that you know I was always taught that. steroids they give you cancer the all. these bad things but I heard I read.

recently that was just based off one. study a while ago that steroids Done. Right is actually not healthy but it's. not going to kill you if you do these. things right where are all the bodies. that's the thing there'd be so many. bodies there'd be there's so many bodies. of people smoke cigarettes there so many. bodies of people who drank themselves to. death and there are bodies for people. that did overdo steroids and wind up. having heart and stuff but God there's a. lot of people that did it and didn't. have anything go wrong with them yeah. yeah it gets tempting you know that's. that that documentary bigger stronger. faster that's probably what it was yeah. bigger stronger faster yeah cuz I I just.

started taking creatine like three weeks. ago and I feel like [ __ ] awesome. creatine is great for your brain yes I. there's a study recently that showed. that creatine mitigates the effects of a. lack of sleep too wow yeah so if you. have a lack of sleep and you take. creatine it's supposed to uh increase. your performance and things and makes it. so that the lack of sleep doesn't really. affect you nearly as much yeah it says. on the on my bottle not to take the. creatine with caffeine says don't do. that my powder naked creatine it says. don't mix this with caffeine and then I.

read read it's because it they. counterbalance the effects of each other. somehow so you're taking it and it's not. do you're not getting the full benefit. of it yeah creatine is actually a neut. Tropic it actually helps brain function. interesting creatine does a lot of good. things well you got to think about right. it helps your body hold more water right. which is why one of the things that does. it makes you stronger yeah CU it allows. you to hold more water you get a little. bigger stronger but people would always. say you get bloated and fat which that's. not true either yeah you get bloated. from you know you can get bloated from. many things you definitely get a fatter.

face if you have more water in your F. but it's also it's like what are you. eating I'm saying I've been on Creatine. for you know opprs of a month now and I. feel my performance is going up in the. gym I'm a little bigger but I haven't. lost my scale number is the same I I. think I've lost body fat oh well that's. probably because you're working hard I. think that creat is a a very overall. positive supplement I don't think. there's any negatives associated with. creatine I'm sure you could probably. overdo it like you could overdo anything. creatine is one of the safer uh. supplements like performance supplements.

cre yeah and it's good for you in a lot. of ways it's actually it's a part of. food right is it like creatine from food. itself it's in steak I take creatine and. a scoop of sauerkraut for the for the. fermented food every day baby I love. sauerkraut how great is a hot dog with. sauerkraut and some brown brown mustard. the kind of hot dogss that snap oh yeah. oh baby I [ __ ] love it talk to me. even though the Bun's bad for you who. cares let's go who gives well they say. the hot dog is bad for you right says.

who Communists yes exactly if it snaps. in your mouth like those really good. kosher hot dogs oh love it dude they're. so good oh yeah it's [ __ ] eat dude. yeah there so many foods that are so. good that are so bad for you yeah like. the other day two sleeves of Oreos and. one sitting Damn Damn son and I didn't. even milk oh yeah yeah got milk was. going wild did you dunk dunked them all. but I did it in My fasting window so I. didn't feel too bad about myself oh. there you go there it is you knock it. out there you go but I people can eat.

man yeah they'll go [ __ ] wild for me. it's anything carbs pasta and pizza. that's when that's my cheat stuff right. if I'm going to have a meal where I know. I'm not supposed to eat it but I'm just. going to enjoy it it's always like pizza. carbs pasta lasagna something like that. yeah just go [ __ ] wild go but then I. just stop afterwards I okay we did it I. think I might have told you this the. last time I was here but my father is a. big eater he ate an entire uh tray of. lasagna one day like in front of us like.

throughout the day at Christmas he was. ate the entire tray of lasagna then he. slept on my house and he woke up in the. middle of the night with chest pains. and and him and his wife my stepmom um. were you know wake me up like you know. Dad's I don't know what's going on like. he can't walk he's like out of he's. going like Camp breath chest pain right. goes to the. hospital they you know hook him up to. the machines whatever do some tests St. overnight they call me the next day they. said hey man you know we're sorry looks. like your dad here has congestive heart. failure you know this can be a year four.

years but it he has congestive heart. failure I mean his fluids are backing up. and you know so we just want to let you. know we're going to release him but this. is the protocol and the medicines and. all that so now I'm going down to the. hospital like oh my God like this is it. time's running out with my dad and then. and then took me about 45 minutes to get. there I get there and I guess they. continue doing tests and the I walk in. and the people are there the the doctor. and uh I say you know I was briefed you.

know I understand has congestive heart. failure like what what do we have to do. can you like explain that to me and they. were like you know what we ran the test. we gave had given him a diuretic um your. father had eaten so much sodium in one. sitting that it made our I swear to God. made our. machines convince us that he had. congestive heart failure but in fact he. had eaten so much sodium because of the. food that he ate that this diuretic once. the fluid cleared his heart he has a.

slight arhythmia but nothing like. congestive heart that was purely from. the sodium that's crazy and I was like. Dad that's [ __ ] nuts you almost. killed yourself with lasagna with. lasagna and now and he's extreme and now. my dad's lost 120 lbs intermittent. fasting he looks phenomenal but he said. he's lightheaded all the time and I'm. like well what are you eating and he. said one half of a tuna fish sandwich a. day that's all he. eats dad what can we get a little. balance here cuz now you know and he's.

and he's like I said what did you do to. lose all this weight he said I eaten. tuna fish sandwich and I walk in the. pool I was like yeah but Dad you're. eating you're you're going to like you. could kill yourself that way now yeah. you're going to [ __ ] your heart up yeah. man your body starts robbing its tissue. yeah if it doesn't get enough protein it. starts eating your muscles yeah yeah. don't do that no I told him to try I. told him to try to eat more just eat. just I was like Dad just eat in those. windows you know he's like I want to be. ripped I'm like you're 77 years old and.

you lost 120 lb yeah I was like you look. like you're wearing a dress of it's fat. it's fun you look great dad you it's not. about what your abs now and then. 707 yeah and they have like a funny. relationship he'll be like oh you know. you believe my [ __ ] wife over here is. 60 like I should trade her in for two. 30-year olds huh and then my wife my son. was always like I'd like to see you try. you fat [ __ ] if you can bring home a. 30-year-old I'll gladly give you the. divorce and then he'll be like Oh I'm. going to kill her I'm going to bury her.

in the backyard I'm like this is the. kind of couple fighting that's just like. old school that's fun that's fun to see. because I have one example of divorce in. my family my mom and dad got divorced. but then my dad remarried my stepmom and. they've been married 35 years so I see. like kind of two things on like how it. works one way and not the other way type. thing it's it's interesting the way that. that they fight they're old scho dad. sounds very extreme gambling now he's. addicted to not eating what is that. equal though fun that guy nobody's more. fun than my [ __ ] dad man I mean wild.

people are fun well they're funny fun. guys I mean when I I had my first. daughter we told them you know you can't. come into the oper uh the delivery room. you know it's just me my girl and my my. mom and her mom that's what she wants. you know women and whatever so my dad I. tell him that he's like right you know. whatever and then I call him obviously. when her water broke we're giving birth. and dude her water broke in the middle. we were watching that movie Mad Max with. Tom Hardy and her water broke and we. were I love that movie we're right at.

the end I was like is there any way we. got like 10 minutes left and she was. like get to the [ __ ] Hospital oh my. God I know like an idiot so we get But. but so so she's giving birth like. crowning like it's happening and my dad. walked walks in cuz he's just like this. is my first it's my grandkid my first. grandkid I walk in and I was like Dad. like you cannot at all be here like and. he was like yeah you know like you're. here I want to be here and I'm like. there nobody feels comfortable like I. don't give a [ __ ] but like she doesn't. want you here at all and she was like.

get out of here like it was like this. whole thing and then as he's leaving. like right before he goes he goes I'll. be in the I'll be in the waiting room. just let me know and I'm like okay you. know like we're in the middle of the. birth and he's like by the way Chrissy. Yankees got [ __ ] rocked last night. you got it this team sucks and I was. like all right the nurse everybody's. laughing cuz they're like what is this. guy screaming about the Yankees for his. birth and then and then um you know we. had we had my baby and then he was like.

uh he was like it's a girl I said yeah. you know great and he was like ah man he. was like I was hoping for a boy hoping. for a boy I'm like you at the gender. reveal you [ __ ] knew it was going to. be a girl dude what do you mean you were. hoping for a boy and then he told me. though he was like you know if I if I. was still in the throws of my gambling. he's like I would have gambled with your. uncle on your kid's gender I would have. put a bet down I would I would have had. to put my money on it that's how deep it. got I was like that's wild dude he was. like I would have did it if I wasn't in. control I would have did it I would have. gambled on it I would have gambled on.

the on her the kid's birthday I would. have gambled on it all we would have. come up with real you know he was like. there was action on everything. always wild action there's action on. that impotence Court too what have we. got now oh they were gambling they were. gambling on how long they would take to. prove if they could actually do it or. not yeah there was this story of a guy. that tried for 15. hours you imagine that poor [ __ ] dude 15. hours trying to get it up trying to get. I think the French to this day I think.

you're allowed to cheat on your wife in. France as long as you don't fall in love. with someone else you're allowed to step. out and have sex but like it'll get you. in trouble but like a night out with the. guys drinking beer has got you in. trouble like you're not going to get. divorced unless you fall in love then. you're out but I'm almost positive. French men can have sex with women. outside their marriage and their wives. don't really care it's just French. culture you think that's nuts it's. definit well France France is being. invaded by Muslims now they're not.

invaded But like I think 25% of France. essentially lives like under like almost. a form of sharia law now who said that. who's talking about that. recently. remember someone's explaining that to us. like how much uh you know cuz so many uh. Muslim immigrants have moved in Europe. places and they're trying to change like. they've changed neighborhoods they've. changed the way people behave the way. they allowed to behave yeah I I I was. going to go to Dubai just three weeks.

ago and um uh you know it's the most. Progressive place I think I've heard in. the in the Middle East but even with. that there was certain like I couldn't. you know you know sometime bits a joke. around like oh my friends think I'm gay. they said you can't do any of that do. not even mention that on stage then they. said you know no jokes about your. government our government do not mention. Muslim faith at all or religion at all. um and if you take videos of anything. anywhere you can be arrested without the.

proper permission so really like if you. take videos of buildings yeah there's a. a kid tick tocker who who uh went to. prison for a year he's in prison right. now because he took unauthorized videos. of like the Public Square in Dubai yeah. and he got thrown in prison and that H. so all that was happening when I was. about to go I had I was going on the we. were going on the trip in like two days. it was my girl so how would you have to. reorganize your act so that's what I was. like thinking about and I was like you.

know so this was again just three three. four weeks ago we were going I only said. yes to the gig because it was my girl's. 40th birthday and she was like what a. great like we should do it in Dubai I. was like I really don't want to go she. was like it's it's the show is on her. birthday April 17th so so I was like all. right we'll go and then but I was having. all this anxiety not anxiety it was more. like you know like one of my you know I. have a friend who you know gay gay com. Mato Lane you know Mato Lane you know. Mato great comic unbelievable com one of. the most talented people I've ever seen.

in my life can cook comedy great comedy. [ __ ] and then you know I was talking. to Dubai talking to the shows in Dubai. uh with him and he was like yeah man he. was like I would love to go to Dubai but. like I'm gay I just I I wouldn't even be. allowed in and I was like wow that's. [ __ ] wild that I why am I going to. this place and I'm starting to think. about it right even though I the people. of Dubai are progressive and cool and. whatever but I was like what what's the. point of all this and then that day the. the the night before I'm sorry of our. our flight from JFK to Dubai it Iran and.

uh um Israel got into that little. Skirmish remember that where like people. were like World War III Israel is going. to invade Iran Dubai borders with Iran. so I was like I don't want to go I was. like I know that it's probably safe but. I was like I actually don't want to be. why am I going there why are we going to. where there's possible conflict it's. boarding with the country even though I. know Dubai will be safe I know it's a. safe place I get it but like what am I. doing over there why are you and I me.

and my girl going our kids are back home. what happens if there is a war and we. can't get home what's the point of all. this like what what what is it and she. was like you know what like then cancel. I just had like this gut feeling and. then two days later is when the Dubai. airports flooded did you see all that. that's my show got canceled my the venue. flooded you could not get anywhere so. and you had already canceled anyway I. canceled it anyway the fear that I had. had was Israel Iran but then two days. later it was the flooding was that.

because of cloud seating that's what. they say I mean partially I me not 100%. that but like there was like a weird low. pressure Zone where they did Cloud seed. but the clouds didn't move for a few. days or something like that okay yeah so. so that's so that's what happened is is. it got flooded and I didn't I didn't go. okay at all and that's why and that's. what you know that's why Christ that's. why I'm with Christ okay let's wrap this. up Chris great love you too buddy love. you babe thank you so much my pleasure.

it was fun. yeah bye everybody. [Applause]. [Music].