Joe Rogan Experience #2124 - Dave Attell & Ian Fidance

Joe Rogan podcast check it out The Joe. Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan. podcast by night all. day gentlemen good to see you Hey Joe. thanks for having us Dave thank you so. much my pleasure my pleasure thanks for. coming to town everybody's very excited. I'm excited dude playing the club had to. bring in Ian super fan of the show well. thanks Ian I'm I'm a fan of you dude. you're a funny [ __ ] thank you.

bro means a lot appreciate it my. pleasure pleas excited to be at the club. man it's [ __ ] best yeah I'm excited to. have you guys everybody's been pumped. we're pumped it's a stroke Fest but you. know what Joe I'm in town for the club. to hang with you and also to promote a. special what do you think. yay only I bring one out every other. election year I know it's I I don't have. the turnaround you have man you're good. it's okay it's when you put them out. they're [ __ ] magic skanks for the. members is still one of my alltime.

favorite comedy albums it's a [ __ ]. classic it's weird when you I'm sure you. have this where a fan comes up to you. and they repeat one of your most. horrific jokes you know like hey man. those titties ain't I'm like whoa say it. in a corner not here you know what. happens to me sometimes people bring up. bits that I totally forgot oh true I'm. like oh my God how does that go I have. to ask them how does it go oh yeah they. remember that what was it on yep that's. what it is man it's all a blur well. we're old yeah David we're old now I am.

very I was my mom's been in the hospital. right I went in there and people thought. I was the patient I was sitting in the. room with her and they kept coming over. to me I'm like her her I wish it was a. joke it's. not oh I've known you for at least 30. years for sure well it looks better on. you than on me so that's for sure that's. why I brought in my my intern yeah to. take some of the slack up wait you guys. are the same age oh the I'm older than. you I'm older than you how old are you. 59 I'm 6 okay well there you go see yeah.

yeah 3 years ago I looked like that now. now I don't know what happened I don't. know what happened to me it's all about. the maintenance well yeah you put the. time in you got to keep that maintenance. up I saw it coming a long time ago. though I saw it coming like in my 30s. yeah but you never were like this I mean. like you never were no I never let. myself go I never let myself go I'm. terrified of it really yeah because I've. been injured before I've had a bunch of. surgeries I know what it's like to like. have things not work good I'm like oh. you got to do everything you can to make.

sure the [ __ ] wheels are still on the. machine yeah cuz if you don't you know. we all know guys who like Patrice we. lost Patrice yeah we all know guys who. don't take care of themselves and. [ __ ] [ __ ] just starts breaking what. you think they just stop falling apart. I'm glad you brought up Patrice because. we've lost a lot of greats but Patrice. is the one a lot of people like you know. uh super fans always bring up Patrice. what would he do in the age of OIC what. do you. think. uh I I don't think he would go along.

with it I could see him putting it on. like a like a cheeseburger or something. you know he just was not he's [ __ ]. category he's not going to do it like. Brian Simpson got on it for a little. while it was terrible for him really he. had terrible reaction wow and I was and. I I taught those guys how to eat better. I'm like just stop eating all the. [ __ ] and you you'd be amazed at how. much better you feel what do you think. is [ __ ] like in these bread and. carbs not all carbs like it's it's not. like vegetables are fantastic for you.

I'm not a I'm I'm not one of those. people that thinks that you should be on. any particular diet because I think. diets are different for every person. some people vegetarian vegan they're. fine some people they fall apart it's. you got to figure out what the [ __ ] is. right for you but for everybody sugar. for everybody even sweetener no good. well like artificial sweetener like if. that kills you you're a [ __ ] [ __ ]. people been taking that Diet Coke takes. you out get the [ __ ].

onia the [ __ ] out of here the [ __ ] out. of here I'm not F of. xylot I think I think that um it's. [ __ ] pasta and bread for a lot of. people I know it is for me I over. consume calories when I eat that stuff. yeah because it's just it's so wonderful. to stuff in your fat face like lasagna. or something when's the last time you. had a piece of cake just like [ __ ] and. Giggles I'll do it every now and then. like once a week or something like that. I give myself a day where I don't give a. [ __ ] I'll eat pizza what about what is. carbal aren't you supposed to do a bunch.

of that before you do like a race or you. ride yeah yeah that's um a lot of guys. do that um that that You' have to talk. to like endurance athletes about that. but essentially they're just like taking. in a lot of carbohydrates before like. ultramarathons and things like that and. then they'll also have gels they have. these carb gels they'll squirt in their. mouth while they're running yeah they're. just all about performance those those. folks are all about just like trying to. squeeze out another two or three minutes. in a 100 mile race that's crazy I ride a.

bike in New York city so I eat a ton of. pasta and I'm riding three miles I'm. like I got a carbo. load but that's a [ __ ] workout though. boy that's so good for your health. except for the fact that you're. breathing in break dust I think that's. the least of it in New York oh yeah it's. kind of like it's kind of like you're. driving through like a zombie horde you. know it's like yeah yeah yeah homeless. dust you're pedaling and you're also. kind of basically like away get away. thought about wearing like armor yeah.

Charge of the Light Brigade I have used. my bike chain as like a mace oh yeah. away from you he's got some great. Tangles by the way he has yeah is it. that bad down there oh yeah I mean I you. you got to learn sometimes you have to. pop off because cars will turn and they. act like you don't exist so you got to. like yell and everything and a lot of. these guys especially since the pandemic. is everything's food delivery so they. all go down the wrong way they're all. buzzing around you on the side it's. terrible and this guy this guy caught me.

on a bad one I was having a bad day and. he was coming at me I was like wrong way. [ __ ] and he came up got in front of. me stopped and was like [ __ ] you're. [ __ ] and he smacked my coffee out of. my hand a white guy yeah it was it was. white that's why I said something sounds. that southern draw really gave it away. he sounds like a really privileged guy. no if it was someone from the Bronx I. would have been like fair enough good. for you sir I'm wrong so he climbed out. smacked your coffee oh yeah and I spit. in his face and Jes Christ dude and then.

I got I I went down and then he came up. again and took his phone out and uh. started to tape me and I was like you're. a [ __ ] [ __ ] you [ __ ] snitch and I. took my chain I was like you want to be. [ __ ] tough let's be tough and he was. like crazy and I rode away and I went. Welcome to New York there's a whole. crowd of people watching that's coming. from the guy who just saw Ghostbusters. how many times this guy is a Ghostbuster. nut he's a fanatic he was probably. coached if anyone gives you hard time.

you'll film fil them as shame them you. don't like immigrants oh yeah well no he. was French so that was a terrible French. acccident I didn't get that at all I. didn't get that at all on that one no no. no I made him say's Becky but he was. fren yeah but you got to be careful. fighting people from other countries. they play by different rules that's true. oh yeah yeah you know you're with a guy. you're tangling and all a sudden he. pulls out a. snake I got a poisonous Viper on me you.

know who told me that this guy um I knew. from Malaysia he said you know in. Malaysia you know you go to a bar and. these guys have these rings that are. dipped in poison so like you know you be. with the guy and all a sudden he'll like. on the back like like that and they're. like oh what was that like a pin prick. and then you're dead like a day later. it's a Malaysian. hello like those Spears [ __ ] in Vietnam. something like that you could probably. survive the spear dipped in [ __ ] before. you could survive the poison yeah yeah. was like Malaysia wow tough it's a tough.

tough scene over there well Ian is um. you know uh was going to say like um. we've been working together for a long. time yeah and uh he's sober too you know. so I'm sorry this is kind of like a. boore but um you know the sober life on. the road is not very cool you know the. chain smoking and the uh coffee that's. pretty much it we we go on adventures we. do daytime sober Adventures what do you. think it would be like sober no coffee. no cigarettes I can tell you right now. suicide cuz uh my plane was delayed and.

I hadn't had a coffee in 12 hours I got. that weird headache you know what I'm. talking about it's like like it from the. from the front all the way to the back. and I was like that's coffee withdrawal. right there well you also don't drink. water yeah water is for yeah no you like. drink coffee pretty much. yeah yeah I'm like here's a water David. oh my God it doesn't want it oh my God. it's really uh yeah that's like the the. least you can do for your body and I'm. like nah I don't think so well those. connecting flights are hell when you. can't smoke cig cigarettes it's like an.

8 Hour connecting flight then you got to. smoke in the family bathroom at the. airport there's only one airport where. you can smoke and that's Vegas I think. is that the only one that has a booth it. has that weird yeah like cofin room yeah. that kind of everyone can stare at you. and shame too I don't I don't think so. bro that is the wildest thing they ever. did give you a box where you can do. drugs in oh yeah just there's a get in. there yeah cuz it's going to [ __ ] up. everybody else so get in there so you. don't [ __ ] it up for everybody else Live. It Up rat well the crazy thing is you.

used to be able to smoke on the [ __ ]. plane I remember it clearly when I was a. kid dice used to have a bit about it the. smoking section we run a [ __ ]. tube it's all the same. air the best that's they had a [ __ ]. smoking section that joke tried doing. that joke today people like what smoking. on a plane even smoking jokes people are. like what are you talking about no I. thought smoking was back I thought all. this sceners the U the posers are into.

smoking cigarettes now because vaping. became too mainstream I thought that. they went to that's what I've heard in. New York like smoking in a restaurant. Smoking in a bar somewhere just to have. like it's kind of like a retro kind of. look how cool I am you know well it's. it's trading the moment for the future. true that is true but I was just in a. hospital with old people there's not. much future want that moment oh you. trade that moment for like a Decay a. certain amount of Decay you're going to. experience in your future yeah I'll take.

it yeah you got to live in the moment. you know sure until you can't well yeah. I'm telling you I was just around uh a. lot of old people like uh the woman next. to my mom in the hospital 100 years old. no and she was no Betty White by the way. all right it was like we pee through the. curtain it's like hi and it was just. like eyes over a oxygen mask glaring at. us like whoa okay we get it I'll see you. at the hardware store in heaven she.

she was. done but you're going to live forever I. mean we all know that that's not. possible come on no one's living forever. well but my goal is just to stay healthy. just keep it moving keep it moving make. sure make sure it moves good would you. eventually segue like from like like a. less um strenuous workout you know what. I'm saying like when you get older not. unless I have to like a TA chi in a park. nothing like that i' get to do with ta. Park ta Chen Park makes you look like. you read a lot. [Laughter].

you know you're like really into. esoteric things true you're out there. moving slow in the park doing an ancient. Kung Fu in New York that's called. methadone people it's like in their own. like world I used to go to this pool. hall and uh the methodone Clinic was. right down the street and so uh my. friend Johnny used to call them the. methoni they come in they get their dose. and they just come in and play pool they. like that's perfect bro for sure they. were high yeah this idea that methadone.

is like that's what stops you from using. heroin right right but it also gets you. high right I know guys are addicted to. methanone MH and uh what I was going to. say that you can take with just a pill. right isn't that what that is you can. drink it too you can yeah wow and. suboxin is the same thing yeah I had a. guy come in and explain that on the. podcast once he actually ran a clinic at. one point in time and he was explaining. how they just getting you hooked on. other things and these other things also.

get you high Y yeah did have you done it. before no subox no no but I mean it's. it's just like I've heard mixed reviews. though some people say it doesn't do. that to you well I mean it's like. whatever gets you off the thing that's. killing you you know it's like harm. reduction but eventually you got to get. off that if you want to be like totally. understanding is that methadone is just. as bad if not worse for you really I. don't think it's good for you I mean my. cousin's on it she's doing great I think. Dr.

well there you go do. you told me I think that if you know. that the problem with [ __ ] any. opiates is it's you your body develops a. tolerance yeah and then you go Rush. limau yeah Rush was taking like 99 pills. a day or something crazy he went deaf. from it supposedly Jesus Christ I didn't. know that about him. yeah homeboy was going hard he his made. buying him you know you know just like. excellence and broadcasting I just.

imagined him just [ __ ] blasted out of. his mind wandering around his house. yelling the most horrific things on. opiates you know rubber band around his. balls just [ __ ] out to lunch. painkillers may have caused limbo's. deafness wow I didn't know that could a. common painkiller taken in massive. quantities by the way uh contributed to. rush limbo's well-known hearing loss. research findings suggest that the radio.

talk show host's apparent addiction to. vicadin could be the culprit behind his. mysterious attack of deafness two years. ago doctors over the past several years. have reported dozens of cases of Vicodin. addicts who become deaf and in some. cases only regained their hearing with. the help of clear implants such as the. one received by limbo it's pretty clear. that there's an association says Dr. Jeffrey Harris an ear specialist the. University of California San Diego. Medical School the ear is sensitive to. drug drugs and this particular.

association with vicadin has become more. relevant as people are getting their. hands on it as a recreational drug how. many did he take at the height of his. piness find that because I think it was. really nutty I think he was up to like I. think he was in the '90s a day a day I. took 90 in a week and I was flying high. can't imagine a day I believe it was. vikin that I took once when I had a knee. surgery and and it was I was like like. I'd rather be in pain like I feel so.

stupid yeah but then I had a buddy of. mine who was a musician and he said he. would take it and it would really help. with his creativity when he's writing. songs really wow sounds like an excuse. but it's I think it's a thing I it's. will definitely a crutch right but I. think it's a thing where it's like. different for different people like for. some like for Stan hope weed is horrific. yeah no he's not a we can't you can't do. it he's an OG drunk right but for me. weed is like this is wonderful like I. love it everything's great but I just.

think it's I think the the the diversity. of like how the the differences in. people's like just chemistry it's very. underappreciated in terms of tolerance. to food in terms of you know how much. you can exercise like what kind of. diseases you're going to get like there. it's biodiversity man well you got to. try it to find out yeah we're all. [ __ ] different like any one size fits. all get the [ __ ] out of here with that. that that doesn't work with people we're.

so different we're almost like a bunch. of different species is all smooshed up. together yeah when I had a should of. surgery uh they gave me a pain blocker. have you had one of those no it like. lasts about 12 hours and it just blocks. the I have when I had surgery so I'm. like why why hasn't that gotten. recreational cuz it was like awesome it. like I was walking around like I don't. even feel like I had epidural where they. go into your spine is that what you're. saying no no they just put something. like on it oh I think or no no no you're. right it was in me and then it dissolved.

or something like that so no with an. epidural they it's like a spine block. okay so they do it like if you want to. be conscious like I was conscious when I. got my knee operated on so they. basically paralyze me below the waist. Wow that's scary and then they it was. wild why would you want that I wanted to. see it cuz I wanted to see what the. surgery looked like I wanted to see my. knee being pulled apart and screwed in. together I wanted to like they said I. could watch it couldn't you just watch. it later no no no well this is 1990. whatever it was and so you know I said.

what are the options and the doctor said. well most people we just put them under. I go why would you not put them under. and he said because if sometimes people. want to be awake and I said well what. happens if you're awake like can I watch. and he's like yeah and I go okay let's. do that I want to see it so you could. talk and everything while you were doing. it yeah I could wow and you didn't feel. any Panic mm no it was interesting it. was interesting because it didn't I. didn't feel any pain so I was watching. the doctor screw it in and Hammer it and.

[ __ ] oh man I was like woo did it at. any point where you're like am I dead no. no no doctor was awesome it wasn't out. of body no no no because you're you're. you're essentially sitting there I think. I I think the way I was seeing it was on. a monitor if I remember correctly I. think there was like they had like a. cotton shield in front of me and my legs. were there and then I was looking up at. a monitor if I remember correctly it's. it's a long time ago it's hard to. remember remember him manipulating my.

leg and moving it around and it was. [ __ ] I didn't have an ACL so they had. to and it's this pretty serious. operation because they have to take a. piece of your Patell attendin with a. chunk of bone from your shin and a chunk. of bone from your kneecap and they pull. that out and then they put it inside. your knee and screw it in place wow just. the sounds alone would have creep me out. it's crazy yeah when you hear the the. bone crunching cuz the the [ __ ] screw is. going into it you're like I want him to.

knock me out of the dentist I can't. imagine ACL surgery and then afterwards. he was manipulating it too like. afterwards like I was watching him move. it around and what was the recovery on. that like how long it took a long time. I'm sure yeah that's a long one because. it's there's so much trauma going on. there that I think that took like a year. before my knee felt normal the knee is. harder than the shoulder Right In terms. no the shoulders hard very hard because. his shoulder moves all over the place oh. okay this is the only thing I could find. he had when he was arrested they had.

over two he had 2,000 plus painkillers. in his in his system or on them his uh. housekeeper claims that he did over 30. Oxys a day but that's oxies that's not. Viking see that's what they gave me. after myone loret oh he had everything. nor noran or he had a few things oh. which hydrocodone can cause hearing loss. it says wow imagine like what a what a. hell that is too when you're guy who has. headphones on for a.

living like and you are your pill thing. is so wacky he can't stop it's so wacky. you can't stop to the point where your. your [ __ ] hearing goes away now you. do your job so good just with that oxy. itch and everything and then one day you. can't hear what a nightmare the thing. you love you're feeling good dude but. he's probably got like five doctors to. write those scripts like that cuz I mean. honestly isn't it illegal so like well. he was living in. Florida yeah. theill that's a great doc on Netflix.

that uh the guys were making all that. money just selling like fake you know. like it was just like anybody people. coming in out Kentucky like hey I got a. I got a btis okay here you go that's my. friend Mariana vanel she it's the. oxycotton Express that that lady that. lady's a gangster but she uh exposed the. whole thing where they don't have a. database so you can go from one place. they're basically pain management. centers do you remember those yeah it's. it's all done now it's crazy okay Mr. limbo and I have maintained from the.

start that there was no doctor shopping. and when you we continue to hold this. position Mr Black said I love how he. says that just that way like he's giving. up the fact that he's playing a game we. continue to hold this. position you're playing a chess game. you're literally like saying it in what. you're saying there's no doctor shopping. I don't know what you're talking about. but maybe back like he had to be doing. this for years and years and years right. if he's getting 2,000 p. you're going doctor shopp or you're.

buying it from a drug dealer it's one of. those two options when you have endless. money yeah just buy on any doctor so. what do we do is you go to the the Pain. Management Center you go and you say I'm. in pain and they go oh we'll write your. prescription for drugs and you go right. next door to the pharmacy that only. sells Oxy Cotton it only the oxycotton. Express and then they would buy them. from one doctor and go to another doctor. and they just get bags of pill fill. their trunk up and drive to Kentucky.

yeah and it was off 95 so they would. just go from Florida up to Philly. Delaware New York how many cars made. that trip before they started figuring. out what was going on and the. pharmaceutical drug companies knew it so. they just kept selling it they were. there was some nutty statistic at one. point in time where Florida had like. 1,000 times more more people p Rockit. than anywhere else in the world I'm. making that number up but it was some. nutty number where you're like what in.

[ __ ] God's name are you people doing. how is that not like an anomaly it just. shows up like this one state has an. insane amount of prescription like is. there some pain in that state maybe we. should move people out of that [ __ ]. State we we got the blues Kentucky Blue. Grass no but I like the parking lot did. you see in the documentary they're like. the most like vagrant like just like. redneck just like just basically. screeching around and then the doctors. themselves were were armed cuz they so. afraid you know like oh those doctors.

are dealing with zombies somebody runs. dry of money and no one wants their dick. sucked mhm you're going to get jumped I. mean definitely on the way out it's like. an In-N-Out in Oakland I mean it's uh. anybody they would have in there's a. book called Dreamland that talks about. um the pill crisis and everything and. how it started with black tar heroin. coming in from n at Mexico and. everything and there were houses in Ohio. that people would line up with stolen. good goods and trade like chainsaws for.

pills and then they would take those. goods from Home Depot and like sell them. back to make more money to buy pills oh. my God a pill economy I don't know what. to say you know there's there's many. many wars connected to that too the. conspiracies about Vietnam always had. something to do with with heroin and the. conspiracy about Afghanistan oh with the. Opium dude we were guarding opium Fields. yeah we were guarding poppy fields the.

United States troops were guarding poppy. fields and they had haraldo Rivera go. over there to Gaslight America about it. and they played it on TV now tell me why. are you guarding this heroin they say we. have to guard the heroin otherwise the. the local people won't like us like oh. makes saying they back to you T that. they had to do it from the Taliban or. something like that was like well that. was how like they they look what's the. truth and what's the story are two very.

different things they were [ __ ]. selling heroin heroin production went up. after we invaded by some [ __ ] insane. number yeah that's not like a sh and. then these guys are like we need you to. guard this heroin of course we're here. to guard it so they send [ __ ]. soldiers over there to guard heroin yeah. look at Heraldo his big [ __ ] silly. smile hi everybody I'm in a war with a. big smile. so look this he's trying to the smile is.

to let everybody know that everything's. fine this is nothing to be concerned. with and this is right around the time. when opium and oxycotton was just. flowing in the look at even the way he's. like performatively shaking this guy. hand in front of the camera like he. hasn't met this guy before like the. whole thing is such a [ __ ]. charade fighting the opium trade by. guarding the heroin. they imagine the [ __ ] gaslighting.

fighting the opium trade while guarding. the heroin field so that they can make. heroin yep the poppy fields only make. heroin they're not there's no tomatoes. in there like how are you how are you. fighting the opium trade by guarding the. heroin and ensuring the production it. grinds at your gut uh how do you deal. with it what are you doing about it well. uh frankly this is a part of their. culture so uh while it might grind in my. gut it's what they do uh we we provide.

them security we're providing them. resources and we're providing them. Alternatives and the alternatives are. hit the brakes the government became a. drug. dealer one [ __ ] 100% there's no way. they're doing that unless they're making. some the alternative is pumpkins we. thought maybe could pumpkin patch in. here once a year the pumpkin how about a. Christmas tree farm I know it goes. against the culture but if we just time. pumpkin season right we're going to make. a killing boys now the Vietnam thing is.

interesting because I know my cousin who. was in Vietnam he came back and he had a. heroin problem but in actual Vietnam. they don't make heroin it's LA right or. it's it's the trade routes so there you. go it's like it's in that it's in that. zone that triangle controlling the area. really you know like there's so many. conspiracies about what what the real. reason why they lied and made up a false. attack to get us to go into Vietnam but. almost always it's money right almost. always there's no way they do anything.

like that unless someone's making money. that's what they did then that's what. they do now now if you're making money. the legal ways you know through like. selling weaponry and doing all the stuff. that we do but then you realize that. there's all this extra money being made. here that you're not getting a piece of. right if there's trillions of dollars in. heroin coming from a place yeah you're. going to be like hey this is kind of. [ __ ] I'm tired of selling you. [ __ ]. tanks I want a pie of this is heroin. money yeah and that look this this is.

like so well documented in our country. that's literally what the Iran Contra. affair was about exactly that's the when. we funded the war the sand denas versus. the contras in Nicaragua that's Oliver. North I mean that's [ __ ] Freeway. Ricky Ross was selling them the coke. yeah but we have to invade them because. they hate our freedom that is important. I'm glad you look at it that way I. because what's really important is. framing it in a way that the common. person can understand I know this seems. like tyranny to you and there's a bunch.

of [ __ ] murderous drug dealers at the. Helm of the wheel but that's not the. case yeah what about fentol what do you. think of that oh I love it I want it's. leg it's got legs I wish it was in. everything um it's [ __ ] crazy it's. crazy that's out of China right it's. well they need the precursors the. precursors apparently are coming from. China okay again China's like listen are. they buying then we're selling let's go. is this their plan to win the 100e. War back op they are way ahead of.

schedule those guys are killing it. they're [ __ ] killing it they're. killing it with Tik Tock I think Tik Tok. accelerated everything yeah Tik Tok is. the new. opium yeah it B is it basically is it's. Tik Tok their Tik Tok is all like you. know it's good it's like science project. martial arts yeah are you a child be. sexy and dance like what yeah drag. queens are fun they must be.

really I'm a teacher you need to know. how I [ __ ] what Jesus Christ I'm. non-binary so you must use these. pronouns and the kids are like how many. pronouns are there yeah yeah what the. [ __ ] that's uh I've never been to China. I know guys who've toured through there. like I can only imagine what those shows. are like I mean I guess you do it for. the expass it's not like the locals are. dying for American Comedy over there. they will [ __ ] put you in the ground. if you talk some [ __ ] over oh yeah no. don't you can't go over there and just.

get drunk and do comedy they will put. you in the [ __ ] ground but you know. how like when you do like a town and you. always make fun of the other town like. to get those people on your side like. hey I'm in Pittsburgh what about that. you know Scranton am I right come on. they suck I'm kidding but uh you know. that's the thing like who do they make. fun of I guess us that would be really. it's just like oh I'm sorry I'm coming. from America with our you know different. branches of government I wish we had. just one. guy one guy get [ __ ] done you can really.

get some [ __ ] done cuz what you do is. you make sure that the businesses are on. the same page as the government the. government owns the businesses you're. all together you're all part of it you. can't make a decision without them that. way we're all working the greater good. of the country you can going to make. plenty of money who're all working the. greater good of the country and it's a. weird hybrid of Communism and commerce. yeah like that's what changed when China. figured out oh no we need to have. competition so people need to be able to. make money let them make money but we. still [ __ ] run [ __ ] and then and then.

I think America was like I like what. she's wearing. yeah I want a she looks good yeah I want. that dress I think it's that that's what. I think it is and I think that's why. they're [ __ ] pushing for all this. crazy [ __ ] today people think they're. trying really trying to make the world. better for people no they're not shut. the [ __ ] up they're they're trying to. get more control out of you what's your. like uh when you go overseas like do you. perform like a tour or like what's your. favorite like spot overseas I love the.

UK I love I love to go over there I just. love the people I just love it they're. fun it's a fun place I love England I. love uh I love Scotland how about. Australia have you done that yeah I've. done Australia I love Australia they're. fun [ __ ] people man they're fun. people you know there's a lot of America. that's like a little uptight for sure. and and also like very judgy very judgy. and very uptight and you know I know. there's a lot of wokeness in England too. but like [ __ ] regular drunk English. guys are fun I like them I like drunk.

irish guys they're fun Ireland is good. yeah they're fun the young people there. get it the young people know what the. [ __ ] is going on the young people today. are on the internet and the young people. today are paying attention to people. that aren't lying and they realize like. oh we're getting [ __ ] yeah you've been. getting [ __ ] we were getting [ __ ] we. didn't even know we were getting. [ __ ] well I mean when you go overseas. that's the thing of like uh you know I. say start small Canada you know what I'm. saying like get it going but it's funny.

how like they get all of our references. yet they're better people you know that. kind of thing Canadians no they're not I. think they are no 20% less douchebags in. Canada how many fight how many fights. have you seen out of Tim Horton that's. what I want to know exact exactly you. never see a beat down you never see a. shooting I went to I went to a strip. club in Calgary and they they use the. loonies and tunies the coins to give the. strippers and people are like when you. go make sure you don't warm them up with. a light they don't like that I'm like. what they're throwing they're throwing.

hot coins and strippers these are. terrible people this might be what we. call like sampling bias like the study. that you took of what kind of people. Canadians are at a whole was at a strip. club in where where was the strip club. what Calgary Calgary okay a strip club. in a [ __ ] cattle town a frozen cattle. town in one of the toughest [ __ ]. places on Earth live yeah I forgot it is. a cattle Town yeah I've got some friends.

that my friends John and Jen they live. in Edmonton and they live out in Alberta. and it's so cold out there you can take. hot water and throw it in the air and it. freezes before it hits the ground wow. bro they get to 50 below 60 below a week. before I was there was -30 and then the. week I went it was 32° and people were. like oh I'm wearing shorts it was. [ __ ] nut that's why that's why.

they're so cool up there you have to. have discipline to. live you have to be able to shovel your. car out of the [ __ ] snow to stay. alive to stay alive like it makes for. better people it makes for more. resilient people people are better when. they know how to put on snow tires you. know this guy is strip club honestly he. really I hate to think you out or. anything but he really like you know how. like uh most guys go and they just kind. of sit and observe he's part of the.

action he immediately runs in throwing. the dollars spanking an ass I'm like I. don't know if you're allowed to do that. here dude I don't know like where you. think you're he's from Delaware so I. assume that's like a hand Delaware it's. normal yeah spanking on woman's ass but. I was and they liked it too they were. like oh finally a guy who gets us is. here they were like into him they want. to have fun and most guys just sit there. and like you know you went up and you. put a dollar like you were betting poker. changing I was like looking around for. the cameras I'm like I don't want to be.

observed doing this Jesus but it was it. was really definitely a that was for Lou. cass's U bachelor party half half. bachelor party half bachelor party cuz I. wasn't going to go to Costa Rica with. them I'm too old for that you. know like. Oklahoma Night Out documentary Dave CH. Dave atel and down. there Costa Rica is awesome but the bugs. are. gigantic bro they have crazy bugs you. have never seen before they're like. birds really they're [ __ ] huge I.

wouldn't be there's there's crocodiles. there I went with my family and we went. uh on a crocodile tour it's crazy dude. they're crocodiles right oh yeah real. crocod well they have the crocodile it's. like rivers and I don't know what you. would call it I guess you could call it. a bayou if it was I think Bayou is like. an American term isn't it a French term. yes it is it's a French term they Ed for. cun country CCR term yeah yeah B on by. you that's a jam. um but so we're in this boat right and.

my kids are young at the time and I'm. like Don't Go Near there Don't Go Near. there like every time they go near the. edge one of them is a little Daredevil. and she likes to like like lean over the. edge like come on you [ __ ] thrill. seeker these are real dinosaurs man and. so we watch this one slide into the. water so there's a bunch of them on the. decks on the uh the banks rather and. they're sunning themselves and you see. these [ __ ] 15 ft crocodiles just. suning themselves they like this is so. creepy and then they slide into the. water you're like.

Jesus they're under us they're in the F. you're in the boat and I'm like this is. such a bad idea and all my father. instincts are kicking in I'm like Don't. Go Near don't go there go hey hey hey. hey hey you know like you're like road. rage times 100 you like you're [ __ ]. freaking man cuz if one of them Falls in. you're going to go in too you have to go. in can't leave them you have to go in. and you have to throw them onto the. [ __ ] boat and then you got to figure. out how to get up because the. crocodile's going to hear the splash in. oh Jesus wow it's so.

scary how about the how about the ocean. there too that's another one where it's. like amazing but there's a lot of shark. oh they lot sharks down there that's. what I heard well down in Florida they. down in the keys they have so many bull. sharks that there's a bunch of videos of. guys fishing and they're just trying to. get the fish in as quick as they can. because the bull sharks come along and. just [ __ ] those fish up wow there's. there's bull sharks everywhere down. there so many that you're allowed to. kill them and cook them really yes you.

can go bull shark fishing you can go. bull shark fishing in the keys and. Florida what does that taste like how. many are you allow how many bull sharks. are you allowed to take I think you. allowed to take like one a year or. something like that but people go. fishing for bull sharks how big do they. get and people get mad at them they're. killing sharks because of the propaganda. of the [ __ ] sharks fin soup oh people. don't understand the size of the globe. and they think that a sharks are. endangered but not there they're not no. they might not be over there wherever.

the [ __ ] they've been killing them and. taking their fins off but in Florida. there's a lot of them does it [ __ ] up. the ecosystem though if they kill too. many of them sure yeah but we're killing. too many fish yeah the problem is it's. not just we me we the human race we're. we've depleted the ocean by something. around 90% of all the big fish and then. they told us that plastic straws are the. problem so every time I go to a coffee. shop it sucks ass here it is bull sharks. are harvestable in Florida with a 54 in.

minimum size limit and one per person. per day year per day that's how many. they have of them the world record is. from Stuart Florida with 501 lb 92. in yikes the maximum size is about 13 ft. with the matures at approximately 14 to. 18 years of age a teenager I believe. that bull sharks are responsible for. almost all of the different shark. attacks out there they like to bump and. bite meaning they bump their pre attack. it while it's trying to figure out what. just hit them just like you.

Ian bump and. bite that's a strip club strategy bullar. they use cut sting race for bait year. round and our heaviest rods and Tackle. gear no doubt you'll get a great show. and fight if you catch a bull. shark I'm not a fishing guy but I wish I. was into that like I like all the gear. they have to buy I like that when you go. into like a dick and you see like that. whole wall for like you know the right. Anglers and all that kind of the lur and. all that kind of I don't know but I'm. not you wouldn't go I would go but I'm.

not really try fishing this is one of. the things they just Jamie just pointed. out one of the crazy things about bull. sharks is they go into freshwater oh wow. so they can go they've been all the way. up into. Illinois so they make no [ __ ] no. [ __ ] they make their way up there. getting. crazy that explains it even the movie. Jaws was based on a freshwater attack. that was on a river in New Jersey right. yeah yeah near Tom's River they go all. the way up the river into the they can.

how can they do that though water fresh. and assault they're monsters wow they're. just designed to kill and if they they. ran out of [ __ ] to kill and the salt. they ventured into the fresh that's. amazing they made it all the way up into. the rivers and they started killing. things what are what do they look like. the they look like a shark like a just a. regular shark like a great white type. shark smaller than that smaller they're. smaller but it's the same kind of look. you know wow that's what a bull shark. looks like yeah see oh my God look at. that terrifying [ __ ] head wow Jesus. Christ dude that's like the classic look.

mean that guy looks you know how many. there must be if they let you kill one a. day sure do you know how many there must. be that's yeah it's great news how many. people are going out. specifically like catch bull sharks. there's videos on YouTube of guys doing. it yeah they have like YouTube fishing. channels for real I subscribed to a. couple YouTube fishing channels these. [ __ ] dudes go down there they catch. bull sharks Jamie see if you could find.

like bull shark. fishing warmer sea surface temperatures. have led to a bullshark population. increase scientists say wow green. Wildlife expert discusses whether people. should take caution yeah they're going. to kill. you take a lot of [ __ ] caution these. [ __ ] are. dangerous oh that's it they're real. aggressive too I think them and tiger. sharks both sharks I think of the. most what it say Jamie you want bull. shark video fishing yeah bull shark. fishing I want to see the Illinois bullk.

fishing scene the thing is like people. have it in their head like oh you. shouldn't kill sharks right but you also. shouldn't let them kill people and if. you get like so many [ __ ] sharks to. kill people you got to kill the Sharks. yeah but it's also like we shouldn't be. eating tuna and salmon with everything. fuing shark. bro I want a shark steak bro you used to. be able to buy it everywhere mako shark. was like a normal thing that was on U. menus growing up on Long Island was the. big uh you know the big get AO two bull.

sharks swam up to Mississippi River to. St Louis wow yeah see the arch what a. nice little trip but that's that's how. resilient they are starts from 1937 1937. sparked a fisherman's tale from 1937. sparked the researchers interest in bull. shark SW Upstream after two fisherman. caught a 5 foot 84b Bull shark in Alton. Illinois so that was uh in. 1937 58 years later in 1995 a fisherman.

near Rush Island Missouri caught another. bull shark that's [ __ ] crazy what are. they eating what everything [ __ ]. everything Birds whoever slipp whoever. slipping [ __ ] oh man bull sharks. typically live in warm water in open. salt water but they are one of the few. species that can adapt to live in. freshwater environments do they ever. have arguments and they go after each. other I wonder I think they sharks eat. each other yeah sharks do that yep I'm.

sure they do for sure well they kill. everything else battle bots of the sea. that would be great [ __ ] monsters man. that's awesome I mean their teeth are. just rows and rows of like duplicating. teeth so when one falls out another one. replaces it this is so different from. the stuff I look at at home like when. I'm like I'm like a koi pond like. there's something about a Koon like it. calms me down I don't know what it is. pet videos Walter. you know I'm always into that I like.

that too yeah I like uh this is what I. was thinking of doing like you take like. you know there's all these parrots that. outlive their owners so you take them. and you make like a supreme court of. parrots they know all this ancient stuff. cuz they're like old but like just you. put little robes on them and it's like. hey what do you guys think about and you. say an issue and then like whatever it's. like okay well there you go that's what. we should do parats live super old I. know like 70 years or something that's. crazy so if you get one when you're 80. you're an [ __ ]. you really are so selfish you can this.

poor parrot especially if you treat it. well can you imagine handing a parrot. down to your children in the will yeah. that would suck that would [ __ ] I think. they can live to like a hundred years. old I'm not sure like a tortoise like. they have that kind of age to them they. really can live a long time there's a. few animals where like once you get them. as a pet you know you're there and it is. for your kids and do they keep learning. phrases no I think they kind of like. just know like three things I I don't. know some pets such as tortois and. parrots may live for over 50 years okay.

well I was wrong but you know tortoises. live like into their hundreds. so provide documented pans for their pet. parrots and their Wills yeah there it is. lawyers often urge pet parents. yeah pet lawyers that's just lawyers. weaseling in on some of that par. attorney yeah that's a leap of faith. like cuz I just did a will like and to. my parents I'd like you to it's like. yeah we're going to do that yeah this.

power can't he can talk but he can't you. know testify it says some species live. 75 to 100 years oh god wow you got to go. with an oldfashioned pigeon that's like. what 3 weeks like six weeks if he's. healthy do you know the pigeons were all. brought over here for food no I didn't. know that I thought they were from here. no no no they're an invasive species I. guess they were brought over from Europe. uh but they they were a food source. that's what squab is oh is squabs Pigeon. really squab yeah you all those pigeons.

in New York City 100% you can shoot them. and eat them and they're good I wish we. were allowed that' be so to that just. pink pink just shoot them and then you. just put them in a bag take them home. and pluck them like literally you could. hunt wild meat in Central Park so when. people go out let's squab is that what. they're really talking about like. pigeoning that's what's well that's what. is wa squabble wow some sort of a fight. with pig easy Webster maybe I wonder I.

mean that kind of makes sense yeah. that's going to squab yeah where the. that's a weird word are we squabbling. what are we squabbling about that. doesn't even sound like a fight word no. how can you fight after hearing that. squabble sounds like something squabble. happens to your. ankle squab on the way got go to the. doct and get a squir what about squirrel. that used to be uh like a Frontiersman. hey I I shot some squirrel right oh yeah. people still eat squirrels yeah they eat. squirrels all throughout the South I. have friends that hunt squirrels some.

friends of mine want to take me a. squirrel raccoon and rabbit hunting. while here wow yeah he's a good shot by. the way he really is good really hard. time killing a raccoon I just think. raccoons are so cool they're the cutest. they're not just little hands they got. little hands yeah and they're SM little. have you ever seen them eat like a. cotton candy in water and it disappears. and they get so confused oh really oh. it's a cut that's weird cuz they how. they eat they pick up their food and. then they run and eat it. so they Toton C and it Go and they're.

like what what happened so cute I saw a. raccoon in front of the um Chelsea Hotel. uh right next to Gotham that's crazy. like what the [ __ ] that was weird this. is crazy he's searching for it I lost it. somewh poor little guy oh what a dirty. trick to play on a Rec look at him he's. so [ __ ] frantic oh he found someone. when they lost their VAP set that down. here what the [ __ ] where's that bull shk. you can't escape. me I can even do a water.

fountain comes up to the toilet remember. that was always a thing that snakes were. going to be in the toilets in New York. City I was thinking about that the other. day rats do that like if a rat really. like came up and went inside of me like. whose side would the EMTs be on oh here. here's one I always want to know if it's. true alligators in the sewer they yeah. heard that as a kid that was a big deal. people would have pet alligators and. they would release them in the sewer. always in video games there's a movie. about it too G there's a movie like it.

was like a horror movie in the 80s about. a gator that was living down in the. sewers and like you know now he's like. humongous and he's and he's and he's. going to eat somebody yeah so that's a. cool thing that was a great Urban myth. yeah is that but was it real did they. ever find alligators in the sewers see. they found any alligators in the New. York City SE how would they get there. they said that people thre threw them. away pets that's how look most of. Florida is infested with p pythons and a. bunch of those came from people's pets.

yeah not all of them they they found out. they used to think it was all pets but. then they found out that there was a. research lab that got hit that was. filled with Pythons that got hit with a. like a hurricane or tornado or some [ __ ]. w sounds like a horror movie yeah and. the the pythons got loose that's a. terrible death I think death oh boy hon. you rather python or swallowed head. first well python you can smoke while. you're dying where it bull shark you're. you're in the water you're already kind.

of like I'm fat you know my man boobs. are being you know anything that happens. in the water is ultimately more. terrifying because you can't move good. in the water you can't get away did you. see that video of that guy jumping off. the cruise ship and they videotape and. he just disappears into the night yeah. oh my. God trying to impress his friends and he. jumped off into the water current took. him away and in the video you just see. just a bobbing and disappearing into the. darkness oh my God what a terrible way.

to die yeah yeah oh being an idiot a. drunk young kid you know I feel sorry. for oh God the comic on the cruise ship. the next day he has to do a show oh I. know everybody's a little down if it was. Tony hinchliff he'd be immediately. making fun of that what the [ __ ] was. wrong with that. guy I guess he can't swim uh the. conditions have led to the myths of. several of special breeds the lack of. sunlight creates a blind albino gator. wow but is it true so it started off as.

a myth but there have been reports of. not only sightings but they have pulled. a couple out but the original reports. were like there was hundreds in there a. year and I don't think I think that's a. myth wow they've pulled a couple out of. it yeah I mean that's how many they. pulled out it started like I said it. started off as a myth to like became. truth like this is a nonprofit says they. pulled out five oh they're just lit P. out five alligators handled five G in. the past two years still that's pretty. good and they eat the rats right none. from sewers it says though so this is.

like people that have pets yeah like in. their bathtub that's such a weird pet. like exotic there's a dude who lived. that guy somewhere I think there was a. dude who lived in Harlem with the tiger. with the Tiger in his. apartment what yeah crazy and there's a. photo of it in the window like the guy. like someone's like trying to climb up. the fire escape you see a tiger in the. window yeah that's the most insan thing. of all time that's crazy cuz someone's. got to go in and deal with that thing in. an apartment look at that look at he's.

so angry yeah he's trying to [ __ ] that. guy up uhhuh in an apartment what about. the neighbors I mean like honestly bro. that's got to be tough how bad does that. apartment smell oh for sure cuz you're. not going to stop that thing from. pissing on the walls right he's going to. Mark wherever he wants that a snake next. to the tiger this guy's into exotic [ __ ]. up yeah that's hard to tell it's hard to. tell that looks like a turtle that's so. unfair to the Tigers so rude to the. tiger so is The Zoo by in the Bronx what.

the. zoo. Broner it's like when are we going to. move to Manhattan or something you know. it's like I'm sick of. being we're nowhere near the park know. the. action there was a really good U this uh. uh owl escaped from the Central Park Zoo. and they tried to capture him and they. couldn't and then they said he'll just. be fine and living out there in Central. Park he's eating rats and pigeons and so. he's like helping everything and then he. just flew into a building and died it. was sad I felt so bad for him it's like. he finally got out he was like looking.

for a mate and then he just like at. night cuz he's owls you know they're. night people so was just like flew into. somebody's building and killed himself. you know but I thought they fly good at. night that's what I thought I guess not. I gu he was half owl half seagull or. something birds get really confused by. glass oh yeah that was him Flo. Flo dead oh man Flo that's great Flo. probably thought he was going into an. opening and he hit a window sure oh look. at him but yeah he was he was like. escaped you know um Catch and Release.

Bail you know bail reform you ever have. that in your house you ever have that. happen in your house you just hear dunk. and it's the sound of a knock on glass. and you look out you see a bird just. dead oh jeez no I hear it sunk on my. glass I live in Brooklyn it's just an. angry teenager but that's like when you. drive through Nebraska and like all of a. sudden like weird [ __ ] starts hitting. your windshield you know it's like what. is that is that a grasshopper what is. that huge bugs it's just like for the. amount of bug and the amount of [ __ ]. that comes out of them you're like wow. that didn't make sense you know it's.

like a splatter imagine driving through. a locust storm oh that would be cool oh. man will they just flood the skies oh. for God's sake you know Locust and. grasshoppers are the same thing I didn't. know that what yeah grasshoppers like. turn into Locust there like a specific. thing that can happen to them I don't. know if it's like a population thing or. caterpillars into a butterfly no because. it's not it doesn't always happen like. find out like what turns grasshoppers. into Locus holy [ __ ] it's something. really nutty wait if you can eat look at.

this look at this locust swarm check. this. out well whatever they always you use. whatever bathroom they want GE each. swarm contain up to 200 million pests. how about living creatures you [ __ ]. piece of [ __ ] they're not pests they're. much more that's a grasshopper if yeah. and they turn so but just Google what. what it is can't you eat this I mean I. think grasshoppers e Grasshopper And. Cricket can you eat Locust yeah for sure.

so what are we crying about you can eat. most bugs open your mouth you can eat a. lot of bugs various species of short. horn grasshoppers in the family but like. they have a swarming phase so what. causes them to swarm Locust and. grasshoppers are the same in appearance. but Locust can exist in two different. behavioral States solitary and garious. whereas most grasshoppers do not when. the population density is low locuses. behave as individuals much like. grasshoppers so it's a population thing. I thought it was why do grasshoppers.

turn into Locust the term Locust is used. for grasshopper species that change. morphology morphologically and. behaviorally on crowding forming swarms. develop from bands of immature stages. called Hoppers the change is described. as density dependent phenotypic. plasticity yeah so it's density. dependent so it's like it's something. about the population that causes them to. go [ __ ] nutty and so they look real. different like look at they their color.

changes oh man that bizarre that one's. tough on the top there that's so cool. with the knees back there they got to. make a drone or something like that I. mean honestly pretty wild it is pretty. nut super swarm of locust in the. Illinois Indiana Ohio area this year two. you know like they they bury themselves. or they hibernate for like 20 something. years that's the cicada I thought oh. yeah yeah I'm sorry well I them myself. my big thing the cicada yeah cicas they. eat those too every 17 years or 13 years.

the cicada return I always love that. when they come out and it's just like. they're annoying they're everywhere. shedding their skin they're really loud. but they eat those too wow I know a lot. of people um online uh have videos about. how to cook cicas e teriyaki sauce and. you bake them apparently they're. delicious it's protein right. trillions. trillions. trillions since cicas will emerge from. Mar to Oklahoma Illinois to Alabama. clearly trillions of adult cicas will be.

present but not all in the same place at. the same time yeah well that's I would. hope not you imagine there trillions of. those fat bugs that's crazy Imagine The. Border I think they're cool they sound. cool so but they're out every year right. in small numbers is that what the deal. is and then yeah are they the ones that. make the noises at night mhm are they is. that the deal like they're out every. year in small numbers then every here's. the like the it's called a brood so like. there's different sizes of them that wow.

come out there or emerge every year I. guess is what it's called this is what. the world economic Forum wants us to eat. you will eat bugs and you'll be happy. but the thing is you need to know that. you can eat them you can't eat them. they're very edible and my my friend um. Ryan Callahan he he had like a recipe. for cooking them they talked about like. just take them put them on a sheet use. teriyaki sauce like a Teriyaki glaze. cook them apparently they're delicious.

it but I don't know if i' I ate them in. I ate grasshoppers in Mexico really was. it crickets might been crickets do they. do they like deep fry them or how do. they fry them somehow I don't knowum. something like that I don't know but. they had a bowl of them in the room I. think it was crickets and I was like. first of all that's weird because like. crickets are the only bug that I don't. kill like if I find a cricket I catch. them with my hand and bring them outside. really yeah if I find a spider you're. [ __ ] really spiders is just [ __ ] wow. I'll kill you you that looks pretty good.

once you cook it up they call it uh. chapolin that's how you say it I would. do that dried and roasted grasshoppers a. prehispanic Mexican delicacy they're. small most are shorter than the length. of an adult Pinky and nutty in flavor. the cooking process can add additional. flavors such as lemon garlic and chili I. thought it was South southeast Asia or. something where they so maybe maybe it's. Grasshoppers and I thought it was. crickets. looks like that either way um.

grasshoppers I don't kill either what. about like uh are you like an adventure. food guy or no yeah I'll try some. different stuff you know that thing in. the Philippines where it's like an egg. but like it's it's like the fetus is. already like you know it's not like a. yeah have you had that yeah we used to. serve that on Fear Factor and my. Filipino friends are like get the [ __ ]. out of here I eat that easy like what. are they scared to eat that it's. terrifying looking what is it it's. basically a fertilized embryo of uh it's. a duck is that what it is I have no idea. what it is it looks disgusting and the.

the embryo is yeah develop yeah see. there's like a thing in there oh my God. yeah so people eat the whole thing they. eat the little baby they eat the Yol. they eat everything that to me is like. too much it's rough yeah it's got to be. you're getting beaks in there. getting I'm such a baby with food. like yeah I don't remember if I tried. that I don't think I did that sounds. like a really good treat for like a dog.

like hey look there's an egg and like a. bird in there you know like here you go. buddy I ate so many things on Fear. Factor I kind of forgot all the stuff I. ate I don't think I ate one of those. snake of course right but no I never ate. snake really would you eat everything. that they ate to be like I ate it it's. fine I would do it if I thought someone. someone really real needed to know that. you can do it and I'm I'll do it for no. reason I'll do it for no reason I can't. even win just to show you that you could. do it like you could do this you just do. it just just decide you're going to do. it and do it that's so paternal well. it's just like coaching and I'm trying.

to help these people is that's a weird. moment being on TV trying to eat a. dick what's the side you know it's like. and can I get some fries with that dick. you know fried. pubes yeah I don't know man I think it. was cool that U you know in New York. there's always like the the new. restaurant the new hot thing to eat and. like that I'm never into that I'm not a. food guy like that you like you're into. everything right I'll try anything but I.

I definitely have my Comforts that I go. back to yeah man it's just so hard. that's why Austin's so good they got. grap food here pretty much from uh. beginning you know like morning till. night there's so many good food trucks. yeah yeah there's aot lot of great. options and there's a lot of you know. just there a lot of cool [ __ ] to do here. it's not overwhelmed it's like a perfect. size. what's the um uh I was going to say um. you know we're doing the club right and.

that Sixth Street has it settled down or. is it still like popping the way it is. pretty. crazy it's a crazy that end of it too is. kind of the craziest end yeah it is it's. [ __ ] wild we're in the heart of it. when you're old and you walk down that. street it's a whole different experience. nobody gets it like when you're an old. person with like a a mortgage and you're. walking down the street they just see. all that the only place I think almost. is equal is San Diego like uh that. street where the American Comedy Club is. cuz it's just nothing but like drunks.

fights um just squad cars coming from. every direction all the time for like. two hours then it's like quiet again but. it's just like this amazing kind of like. um you know um like like almost like. somebody said like you know rung a bell. it's like be nuts you know go crazy. weird Purge for a couple hours Purge. yeah The. Purge a bunch of barefield drunk women. God so crazy but yeah that that just. that that street man is. overwhelming but that's a good place for. comedy both in San Diego and here it's.

like to be around that chaos and then. come inside you're a little like more. used to chaos a little more used to like. some nuttiness bring some pop you're out. there waiting in line and you do [ __ ]. crackheads everywhere we have security. out there to protect them like it's like. it's a sketchy [ __ ] seller now in the. West Village like these people line up. to go see a comedy show and then there's. just people ing them for money and. singing songs in their face and then. they come in like what the [ __ ] just.

happened do you feel a noticeable change. in the city with the Immigrant thing oh. it depends what part of the city you're. in but definitely around like the Port. Authority Midtown you'll definitely see. more of that kind of uh you know. activity and that's over how much time. I'd say the last six months three months. something like that where do you think. this goes in six years nowhere good is. it Deli is it I I I really don't know. but there is like a there there. definitely is like a mood in that part.

of town and it's it's everywhere by the. way but that that's where you I see it. the most where I'm like whoa look look. at like uh the bus station here like. just outside it's just basic there's. never been more mango and Candy being. sold the street I'm a fan of both mango. shaved ice is it's so much easier to get. yeah but can you imagine being like 19. and living you know in in a terrible. place and you're just so poor and you're. like wait I get to go to a place where I. get away with crimes with my boys let's. go and you're just like a group of L let.

you right out of jail when you beat up a. cop on TV yeah but we are such suckers. we're such suckers as a nation to let. this happen it's so dumb it's the. dumbest [ __ ] thing it's happening. right in front of everybody's face what. do we do what do we do and none of our. elected leaders are doing anything to. stop it yeah but weren't they shipping. them to like Martha's Vineyard and stuff. do anything that was Texas that's our. guy our guy is awesome yeah he ships. them he's like okay you guys want [ __ ].

you don't want to deal with it you want. to let these people in you want. Sanctuary cities good we'll send him to. the sanctuary cities so just start. busting people to New York yeah that's. he our guy is responsible for what's. happening and a lot of what's happening. in New York that's how they got up there. but now the government's flying them. places they're flying them to different. cities you can ask where you want to go. they give you money they give you a cell. phone and the thing that's really. freaking people out especially people in. poor cities in this country is like. where's that [ __ ] help for us you got. these people housed in the Roosevelt you. give them three free meals a day plus.

you give them money they can masturbate. wherever they want it's amazing true. real anywhere they want and for a long. time for a long time is happening a lot. for a long time especially in New York. they would look at you guys down here. and go like you know what do you what do. you and then they finally got to. experience it and it's probably what we. experience is probably just like one. tenth of what you guys have to do being. right on the border so well we're not on. the border but but I'm saying like Texas. so if you're down sou you know if you're. like way down there Border Town yeah if.

you're in you know Warz like right. outside of Warz if you're that that's. you're real close I mean it's coming. over and it's affecting you well it's a. little wild cuz I don't see many kids. many families coming over well here's. the thing though for real it's very. dangerous to bring your kids through a. [ __ ] migrant stream that's walking. into Mexico so they here to work and. then send money back there's definitely. that there but also military-aged men. from other countries including Middle.

Eastern countries including China it's. like that's real too and it doesn't mean. that you're not compassionate for the. people that are doing exactly what I. would do if I was living in Ecuador and. I didn't have any money there was no job. opportunities and I knew that I get into. America and I'd get a job and if I. busted my ass I can make it it would. accept me and not only accept me but. help me and give me money and you you. hear from your friends bro every time. you go across the border they give you. 2200 bucks so there's guys on the radio. in Spanish-speaking radio in San Diego.

telling guys how they went back and. forth four times in a month yeah and. then they so they got eight grand in a. month Jesus yeah so they're living nice. just by Crossing back and forth and just. continuing to do it well did you read. the story about the guy I think he's. from Venezuela I had to make a move he's. telling people how to get over the. border and then squat in houses and like. how you'll just get like you know it's. like they won't throw you out of their. houses not like where we're from you can. just get in the house and then you stay. there the lady got arrested for Chang.

the locks on her own home that to me is. crazy they're also saying in New York if. you're in a house for 30 days you. legally become a tenant y if you get. mail sent to the place in your name it's. yours that is bananas that is crazy dud. I love this story I think it happened in. like Seattle or Portland or something. this this guy was uh at every you know. March and rally and he was like big. antifa and communism and he met someone. there and the guy was like hey can I. crash with you and the guy was like yeah. sure so he brought him and his. girlfriend and stayed on the couch and.

after two weeks the guy wouldn't let the. homeowner into his own house and he had. to call the police which is like against. their. religion and they were like we don't. know what to tell you holy [ __ ] isn't. that the best oh my God that's hilarious. that's amazing I was talking to friends. of mine there there's like there's like. over a thousand squatter situations in. Atlanta and they're like well it's only. thousand the population is this big it. doesn't really matter I'm like dude 10. people doing it is alarming yeah a.

thousand is crazy yeah that means they. know how to do it they know the loophole. and you need to tighten that loophole up. you [ __ ] people are so smart they. know how to jock the system 100%. especially criminals and frauders which. is the type of person who's got I mean. you imagine they're filming them this is. my house yeah they're filming yeah like. I don't give a [ __ ] dude this is where I. live now and they know that you have to. pay them to get out and that's what lot. of homeowners do but the problem is then. another person's just going to jump in. well the eviction process is so long and.

you have to hire a lawyer you have to go. to court all on the home and good luck. trying to sell the place CU if you're. not there in the house they'll just. squat but they always hold up like a. dirty piece of paper I have a lease and. it's it's like like a happy face and a. house it this guy was explaining how he. did it this guy was explaining how he. did it in this YouTube video he's saying. that he you get a fake lease so you DRFT. draft fake lease you use that lease to. get the power and things turned in your. name you pay the bill like there's a.

bunch of different steps that you can do. that just seems to indicate that you are. the legal resident and then they have to. take you to court and it could be months. and months before you even get a trial. then where do they stay the homeowners. they're [ __ ] in a migrant Hotel the. the it's so crazy that in the name of. protecting tenants which is important. you don't want a shitty landlord you. want to protect tenants but in the name. of protecting tenants you're you're. basically allowing people to steal. people's houses for sure and not just.

one if Atlanta has a thousand what is. the number of people they're squatting. currently Jamie in the United States I. don't know how you would know that try. Google I me try go why don't you ask. chat. GPT oo it's not only that they're. squatting let's see what that [ __ ] says. you see how they abuse the house too. like they'll like smear [ __ ] on the. walls they do all kinds of things did. like you really own mansion. America business in oh that's. 2010 well I think L dyra did it in it.

was his Mansion yeah and they were like. evicting him and he's like all right I'm. going to take a [ __ ] on the floor is. that what he did yeah yeah yeah and then. didn't Gretzky buy the house he bought. it from Gretzky oh house and then he. [ __ ] all over it when they were taken. away from him [ __ ] you not. cool that's a different story though he. wasn't a squatter yeah he just went. broke yeah that's like when you go to a. friend's house you have a party and like. that last guy who has nowhere to go he's. like hey and you know we can play like. this is a different level your honor bro.

the guys you can't get out of your. parties are the worst yeah that's the. main reason why people don't want to. have parties I don't know not for the. one guy who won't leave yeah got to get. up early man you know that's all right I. can barely get people to leave my. podcast. Studio especially when they get a little. drunk and they just don't get the hints. yeah and you're like you are drunk you. must leave light out what what are you. doing man are you [ __ ]. yeah are you [ __ ] tripping bro yeah I. was that guy it's 5 in the morning yeah.

I would just curl up on their welcome. mat like a cat the next day that's what. happened with that guy had that CA uh. the Kansas City chief party and then the. guys go outside they're like dude can't. we just hang a little bit longer you. know maybe it'll warm up he's like no. you got to go and then they all like. popsicles outside really yeah like how. many of them died like it was like four. of them I think Jesus like they found. the bodies like right outside you know. but it was really bad hang that you end. up freezing wasn't there like some. controversy to that story like the they.

don't know yeah yeah the the story seems. fishy there's something with um it might. have been drugs it might have just been. like you know they died somewhere else. and he put them out there you know I. think there was some controversy with. the guy who called it in like they. didn't he didn't do it quick enough or. some I forget what it was were people. started getting suspicious they were. very high though they were very you know. they were drunk and they were just doing. powder a bit something like that maybe. oxies maybe that's why they just fell. asleep outside okay what chat gbt say as. my last update in January 2022 I don't.

have access to most recent statistics on. the number of people squatting in houses. in the US squatting is often a complex. and underreported issue obtaining an. accurate data can be challenging due to. its illegal and unauthorized nature you. may need to consult recent studies. reports or data from relevant. organizations or government agencies for. the moment well this is chat gbd4 chat. gbd 5 it would be like I know how to get. them out. here's your plan fing said a robot when. I quick I I don't know the full thing in.

Atlanta but the first article I pulled. up said 1,200 homes they're. institutional investors I don't know. like how many of them are people buying. houses and never living of them and. there're just vacing houses everywhere. you know what like uh airbnbs type. things there's a bunch of airbnbs you. know that kind of situations going on. right now or a bunch of so they like. move in the Airbnb and they just stay it. could be I know that they're definitely. people doing that cuz it's lady video. tape this woman who wouldn't leave her. place she's like I'm not going nowhere. and you have to keep light see this.

[ __ ] this [ __ ] is in my [ __ ] house. and she's my [ __ ] kitchen beat the. [ __ ] out of them and then just know. you'll be out the next day the problem. is it's already everyone's aware that. this is an issue already by then so now. they've got their eye on you and you. can't really just say this person is in. my kitchen they attack me you know you'd. have to fight to the death you have to. keep the lights and the heat all that on. as the homeowner cuz if you shut it off. that's like a big uh red flag like. you're not allowed to do that they might. not even be allowed to be in the home. mhm I think a lot of this came in New.

York City from um the Tilt program and. well in the 70s with all the houses and. buildings just being completely. abandoned and turned to [ __ ] and a lot. of people were squatting that's right. cuz they were like homeless so they were. like all right well we have to figure. this out so that we don't have all these. people on the street you know Tom and. they didn't change it yeah in the 80s I. remember they they um back I guess that. was like a Giuliani thing actually. actually where they were like we got. these squatters in these buildings and. we want them out you know like in order.

to repurpose the building they had to. get all these people that had already. set up power and all kinds of stuff to. the buildings so the the cops would go. in and then you would just see like a. rush of like skinhead looking dudes come. flying out through the park and they. would like tussle with the cop it was. crazy and it was just like they were. squatters they were like you know Street. kids that were living in these building. so where the [ __ ] did they go well. that's when some of the best music came. out of New York City. they were all musicians squatting. together yeah probably right yeah. totally Agnostic Front and you know um.

Bad Brains and everything they were all. squatting promags makes you legit. mhm yeah well as a homeowner that's one. of my biggest fears squatting I'm on the. road I come back someone's in your house. some's in my house hello DAV if it's New. York some lady just they think this lady. got murdered because she went into a. house that was uh her house toan cleaned. it up and there was squatters lived in. there and then they [ __ ] killed her. and put her in a bag yep Jesus yeah the.

cutting them up that's the thing and. then there's you know then the problem. is like good luck catching them you know. they're just going to there's no. paperwork on these people they're just. wandering around the stre the city. squatters suspected of killing woman in. New York City Apartment stuffing her. body into duffel. bag yeah victims found squatter in. mother's vacant. apartment a public sources tells was. killed after she traveled to New York. City from Spain uh to get the apartment.

ready to be occupied by a family friend. um it had been vacant for months after. the death of her mother police sources. say vels didn't know when she went to. the apartment the two squatters had been. living there when she arrived she could. be seen on surveillance video coming and. going from the apartment police beli the. two squaders returned to the apartment. after vel's arrived surprised and killed. her by beating her to death H how do. these squ are they on Zillow like what. the [ __ ] are they doing to find these. they get a report from someone someone.

figures out that there's an apartment. that's empty jez Jesus Christ oh my. god wow what a have two suspects two. suspects went to used car dealers after. the the crash looking to buy a car they. remain at large Jesus Christ so they. beat her to death and they're at Large. video stealing her Lexus from the street. out front and fleeing the car police. said sources said was later involved in. an accident in Pennsylvania well they'll. get them when they have to charge when.

they charge the. Lexus that's not a they don't make. electric cars oh sorry Lexus is uh. Japanese is Toyota Toyota believes in. hybrids oh Toyota has a different. strategy for EVS in hbd can you imagine. being a vicious murderer and getting way. in a. Prius yeah just that's the car you want. to take people wouldn't unless you have. too many stickers on the back probably. violent just a bunch of coexist stickers. you're violent you're probably violent.

you're probably really aggressive about. your insistence that everyone coexist. wow did you guys see that video that uh. um Edward Snowden posted that shows uh. Israel bombing these kids no that are. just walking in Gaza where it's horrible. dude it's horrible because they're. clearly not armed they're just walking. yeah Edward Snowden put it on his. Twitter and it's uh these these young. men are just walking down the street and.

they yeah he's still in Russia right. yeah he has to hide in. Russia so these guys are just walking. down the. street and this you know clearly not. armed this is like after the bombings. and everything these people are probably. going back to see if their house is. there who knows what the [ __ ] they're. doing right what if they thought they. were. squatters hit look how quick it happens. boom. so that guy in the front is running away. he's like oh [ __ ] I gotta get the [ __ ].

out of here and so they zoom in on him. stop running oh they got him too oh yeah. oh that's [ __ ] bro the way they do it I. mean there's nothing left to you they're. literally targeting you with a missile. and you just you just disappear look at. that is it a missile or is it a drone uh. well it's a missile coming from a Dr. Drone probably or I mean it might be. coming from somewhere else I don't where. I believe it's a drone though isn't that. what the the contention is pretty sure. wow yeah so they have drones that can do.

this which is so insane dude and they're. not showing you the bodies because it's. just a bloody mess you know what's so. creepy have you seen those drone videos. in Ukraine and Russia and it's it's. really good quality and then they. dropped a little bomb on the guys and. then they put like Russian techno music. over it yeah and like it it's so creepy. it's so creepy you just see guys hanging. out and then they just explode yeah well. that's what they say now is that they. can see everything at all times so it's. really hard to like use like uh tactics.

where like we'll sneak up on them on the. you know and then we'll go this way you. they can't do that anymore it's like. those those kind of tactics are old now. they what you are everywhere satellites. are everywhere drones are everywhere M. they have silent drones if you see a. drone coming or you're just like well I. accept these guys think this tarp will. help them you know a. t what's yeah got just trying to zoom. head here for the oh so he' already been. shot oh here it.

is oh my god dude it's pretty amazing. how they figured that out way to. go just drop a bomb from a [ __ ] drone. and cook. everybody you should be able to hear it. right if it's a if it's a civilian drone. cuz they make that loud like that buzz. and then it's pretty it's like it down. 100t yeah they haven't shoot it down. they also have that like EMT blast on it. where they can basically take control of. the or stop the signal and it'll just.

land it's like a perk in Call of Duty. yeah but I'm sure they probably have. ones that avoid that stuff now I think. they just keep getting these things. better how how silent are the drones now. oh did you hear about the drones that. were hovering over the base that they. think are from China and uh they had. been hovering over there for weeks I. didn't read that one but yeah I I heard. it's they've updated the balloons it's. uh. Whatchamacallit what base was that again. you I'll find it I've got the story. somebody sent it to me I saved it but.

it's it's it's a scary story because it. says for weeks man I you know I hate to. jinx it but it's just like you know. these things you can just buy and that. the fact that you know luckily no people. in this country have used it like like. the way they're using it we're really. lucky I mean honestly think about all. the situations are we lucky or is it. just a matter of time well evidently. whatever they're doing is like you know. just think of like New Year's Eve all. those different like Gatherings you know. a game you know it could be even like a.

high school stop giving the enemy ideas. sorry what the [ __ ] dude I'm trying to. connect to our you know what you call it. your your first responder fan. base your contractors and whatnot but. I'm sure that's a big uh keeps them up. at night thinking about that stuff you. know dude that [ __ ] video is horrible. all those videos are horrible the video. of those guys in Gaza is horrible we go. back to sharks how about the I was going. to say the the ukrainians have those uh. those drones now that take out the ships. you know the Sea Babies they call them.

which is just mysterious drones swarmed. Langley Air Force Base for weeks for. weeks the unidentified drones were such. an issue that assets were called in from. around the government including NASA WD. WB 57 high altitude jet wow so what does. it say these things look like yeah a. dragon. the Chinese dragon drone that would be a. dope way for China to show to really.

Flex make a drone that looks like a. dragon does it say what the description. of these things. were that's the F35 that's what I think. a lot of this alien [ __ ] is H yeah. that's what they're saying now too A lot. of it I think is drone technology that. we they won't admit to we don't know. that they have out there yeah uh to prot. protect operational security we not. discuss impacts to operations the. statement said we don't discuss our. specific Force protection measures but. retain the right to protect and the.

installation Langley continues to. monitor our airspace and work with local. law enforcement and other federal. agencies to ensure the safety of Base. Personnel facilities assets does it say. so it says here here that a uas uncrewed. aerial system the number of uas is. fluctuated and they ranged in size and. configuration none of the incursions. appear to be exhibit hostile intent. but anything flying in our restricted. airspace can pose a threat to flight. safety interesting uncrewed aerial.

system it could also test the reaction. time you know that is like a drone yeah. it must be it must be a drone. because that means they're not saying. it's a UAP they drone drones everything. what is the most sophisticated drone. currently available but Google most. sophisticated nuclear or most. sophisticated um military drone that we. know. yeah just Google that term most. sophisticated military drone a picture.

of Obama pops up the uh they have the. ones that are like little Fighters now. they're like able to do turns that no. human could take do they have little. ones that buzz and have like machine. guns on them look at this one well that. one's yeah that's a. spy that's cool that can fly for. days okay so here we got disal neuron. that is cool look at these [ __ ]. things with the propeller in the back. wow they must be loud as [ __ ] though no.

they have a they have a power plant in. them what well I guess I mean it's it's. an engine I guess means yeah Rolls-Royce. engine shout out to rolls turbocharged. piston engine that'd be loud right a. turbocharge turbocharged piston engine. yeah that'd be loud 450 horsepower. that's pretty fast for that little. thing it is cool yeah you see the ones. with the Ukraine with the boats with it. like uh taking out the Russian Navy that. is pretty cool how they did that whoa.

look at that thing look the size that's. huge holy [ __ ] I didn't know they were. that big look at. that. wow that's a crazy flying robot that can. murder you how nutty is. that that's one of those things where it. just like flies over like every phone. call like immediately saps it up but. which one of these have missiles so some. of these must be just spies that one. does yeah those are the hellfires I.

think yeah then you got to you have to. make it so it can have missiles I think. they can probably do that to almost any. of them look at the little one though. guys has in his. hand can I play. too I'm just. [Laughter]. annoying yeah I guess they wouldn't make. one that couldn't shoot a missile right. the little one just collects gossip. guess who's. [ __ ] look at that the missiles just. go back to that picture you just.

showed [ __ ] the one you just showed with. the missiles in the bottom of it yeah. that's the classic that's pretty wild. God damn look that awesome so it's got. two missiles and what are those two. things beside the missiles bombs rocket. missiles those are just different kinds. wow these can probably go really far. they might be guns might be defensive. maybe right to shut like flares and [ __ ]. cuz they do that when someone's shooting. a missile at them they'll shoot off a. flare to detract the heat seeking. missile and then these are just the ones.

we know about cuz there's got to be some. [ __ ] oh yeah for sure again that's what. I think a lot of that stuff is that. people are reporting these uh you think. yeah that's what I think I think a lot. of these things that people are seeing. that they think are a UFO is just some. super sophisticated propulsion system. that some of them are really creepy. though like the way they they hover. around or fly around like the one they. showed like one to from in the Middle. East just like it did look like it was. either a UFO or a monster or some kind. of like there's one that looks like a um.

like a jellyfish but it's flying around. it's got like stuff hanging off of it. like what is that you know that one's. very weird cuz that one goes in the. ocean too that one that one scary it. goes into the ocean then comes back out. remember I told you last time we looked. I looked something up like this this. thing came out. in it says it's a drone and it goes. under water and it goes underwater but. it never I couldn't find anywhere that. this thing was being sold it was like. had like a Kickstarter type program like. 10 years ago and but here's the problem.

with this even like pretending that. that's real um where what's the. propulsion system that's the thing it. may have not ever been real and people. wereing no I don't think it's real I. think it's a. basketball it is I'm really do like look. look at how the bottom where it's. screwed down I think that's like a. volleyball or a basketball or something. I think that's totally fake I think it's. because there's no meth method of. propulsion like you can't you can't just. have a basketball that flies liquid. gravity engine shut the [ __ ] it says. Spar shape no outside propellers are. moving Parts but then it doesn't say how.

it flies look at the golf ball I don't. there's no video of it exactly they use. a golf ball as one of them shut the [ __ ]. up that thing's fake as [ __ ] it's got. one you have to have a out you have to. have an exhaust every [ __ ] propulsion. system that we know of right now has to. have either a fan like a you got to have. a propeller or you have to have an. engine that shoots stuff out the back. and makes you go forward that's it so. these things that people keep seeing. that don't operate like that that's what. makes me think the government has. something that doesn't need a.

traditional combustion engine for a. propulsion system they're not going to. have it on Google yeah they're not going. to tell you they're not going to tell. you [ __ ] yeah they don't have to tell. you [ __ ] I wouldn't tell them I wouldn't. tell the whole world what we could do. get the [ __ ] out of here I just make it. better every year to the point where. it's basically a UFO and if you just. think about the unlimited amount of. money that they've had and they've been. designing military vehicles and jet. engines and [ __ ] they've been doing. that for decades yeah all that time.

making one thing that no one knows about. better and better and better and better. flying around Area. 51 I bet there's a lot of those that. people are seeing that they're like oh. my God they're real and they're like out. in the trying to communicate yeah aliens. are real but it's just us testing but. and also I think aliens are real I think. both both I do too yeah in what way I'm. I'm hoping they are I really I'm hoping. they are real I really do he changes T. quick no I didn't say I didn't ever say. like I didn't believe it I think the.

things he was just talking about I'm. like some of them are secret projects. some of them are aliens that's what I'm. hoping that there is definitely another. presence here like in this world or. whatever it is you know yeah and that um. there there has to be something to. explain a lot of these sightings which. are not explainable so you it's it's. real likely that both things are true. cuz it just doesn't make any sense with. the universe as big as it is that. there's no else out there and if they do. develop the ability to go way past where.

we are yeah they should be able to be. invisible that should be easy they. should be able to come here anytime they. want that should be easy if you look at. a a species like ours like that's this. intelligent as the human species if we. got 1 million years more advanced 1. million years more advanc who the [ __ ]. knows what we can do we're we're we're. going to be weird in 5 years from now 5. years from now with AI things are going. to be off the charts weird so imagine. that just keeps going for a million.

years which is really possible I mean. crocodiles have been around for [ __ ]. 65 million years or whatever yeah it's. totally possible well do you remember. that cab driver in Vegas that told us. yeah this guy's very UFO uh got a lot of. UFO stories this guy he told it what was. the portal one of the casinos is a. portal for aliens oh it's got to be he. said there's a secret Railway under like. the MGM Grand and that that's where. aliens are coming from Area 51 it's like. i' never even heard of this Theory and. he was like no it's true hilarious and.

uh yeah he had a lot of there's no way. 250 humans at one time would want to go. to a casino yeah that was his joke at. the end joking yeah yeah I don't know if. he was driving us or driving away from. his ex-wife but we were driving for a. long time if I was going to be an alien. I want to abduct some people though I. think Vegas would be a good spot no one. would miss them yeah not only that. they'd be so confused like I don't know. what I think someone spiked my drink all. of a sudden I was on an alien spaceship. uhhuh and in Vegas everything goes like.

there's always like a new thing to do so. that would definitely become like like. the sphere you yeah yeah or imagine if. there was like an abduction program like. you could actually get abducted and. instead of like abducting us and just. ruining people's lives what if we made a. deal with the UFOs say listen you guys. got it all wrong we're willing to get. abducted you can take us on board and do. people we don't care we're totally. willing to be your guinea pig oh. influencers would try to do.

that live streaming while you're getting. your anal probe. look it's worth it yeah if they really. wanted to come and abduct us we would be. more than willing to let them you don't. really have to force us what if the. aliens are is technology in terms of how. advanced it's gotten in such a short. period of time and then the people using. it. are just basically drones that are using. this exposed technology well it's. possible that that's the future of Life.

the the future of Life Is We integrate. with technology and that's the only way. because like the. biological evolutionary process is. really slow but the technological. evolutionary process is really fast like. crazy fast like you can have a whole new. thing in a year whereas like a whole new. species like God how does it even happen. you know how does it even happen and. then like when species are hybrids. they're not valuable so like some of. them aren't some of them aren't and it's.

like what how long does it take to make. a human out of a monkey how long does it. take to make a monkey out of an amoeba. it's too long they don't have that time. it's too long that's too. long if you can integrate with. technology then you have an insane. ability to adapt and then probably you. just stop being a person probably will. realize that I think that's already out. there there people stop being people. well you can't a little bit we have a. little bit right yeah you you know the. whole send people to Mars like I was.

looking at like how long it takes to get. anywhere like it takes about six days. three days to get to the moon which is. doable that's why the Moon is the way to. go Mars is like nine months to a year. but then the other planets let's say. we're like in a in a whatever at our. current like ability to like travel like. Jupiter 25 years and there's really. nothing there except for that IO Moon. whatever that is I'm hope I'm not saying. it wrong but like the fact that like. we're not built for outter space and yet. we keep craving this whole thing when. you're right it should be some kind of. techno hybrid of a human something that.

would be able to do that you know yeah. and it'll probably if you become a. machine instead of a person you don't. have to worry about being crushed by. gravity because you'll have a carbon. fiber hole and all your orgasms will. happen from an app and then you'll be. radiation all that stuff that this cuz. space is a killer you know it's like. it's not built. that thing and you're taking 25 years to. get to Jupiter will the technology exist. to make you not be bored like what are.

you going to do for 25 years they should. put you SLE you're going to be playing. video games the entire flight it's going. to be amazing quick six months of video. games would go by on your trip to Mars. it would be so quick you just have a. local area network set up and you and. the other astronauts just [ __ ]. geeking out all day oh [ __ ] they're. coming for you guard Your Flank guard. Your Flank ah you [ __ ] just drinking. Mountain dude. smiling if you knew that you didn't have. any responsibilities other than playing. video games you know quick 6 months.

could go by ah that sounds like hell. though yeah know all the games all the. games I mean don't you want to get up. and move around Maybe not maybe if you. just put that [ __ ] Mark Zuckerberg. headset on you could pretend you're. moving around is there a dick sucking. robot that I could use definitely it's. not okay that's coming that's probably. already here probably they already have. that in China they're probably testing. it out right now. the the uh what is it called again a fot. or something which sex doll but it's.

it's whatever you have to I don't know. those are coming those are coming have. you seen that robot that like cooks and. like sets up your kitchen for you uhuh. the robot like puts plates away and [ __ ]. they already have it's called a. wife you son of a [ __ ] um yeah there's. a new AI powered chat GPT robot that. does simple tasks around the kitchen and. but it communicates with you like a. person even says um it's very weird oh.

like it's thinking go um so the reason. why I did that is I'm putting these. plates away in this rack and I'm and. it'll you'll dump garbage on the on the. table and say please clean that up. surely and just pick look at this why. why you did what you just did while you. pick up this. trash on it so I gave you the Apple. because it's the only uh edible item I. could provide you with from the. table so.

weird oh look at. that what yeah great it stands too based. on the scene right now where do you. think the dishes in front of you go. next so it's analyzing the image it's. slow on the table like that plate and. cup are likely to go into the drying. rack next why is this sound like it's. narrating This American Life it's got a. raspy voice yeah yeah it's like a. dude it is.

weird that really looks like a puppet it. doesn't look like a robot no man it does. a lot of other things that's amazing. that is am put the dish into the drying. rack does it apologize if it makes a. mistake if it breaks your dick yeah rips. it right off I'm sorry I applied too. much force my bad will that eventually. have like a skin covering or will it. look like that yeah 100% well the apple. found its new owner the trash is gone. and the table wear is right where it. belongs I call [ __ ] you don't see.

that guy's face every time he talks that. guy is a vant triloquist that man is. that man is speaking for the oh does not. compute what a cheap act too hey buddy. how about you get behind the table with. him yeah let's drink a glass of water. [ __ ] fraud show it Dynamic walking. the dynamic walking one is wild so this. thing by the way it does doesn't have to. have that giant metal plate over its. chest but it does if it doesn't want you. to kill it that's it looks bullet you're. going have to shoot it in the.

lens but look at it walk around and move. amazing that's amazing and this is think. about like a Model T and then think. about a Tesla okay a Model T is his. slow chunky look at him look at his hips. move sexy that's crazy a't that wild but. think about a Model T right Model T is. like big stupid wooden Wheels yeah oh my. God I've seen this this is really nuts. years look at that yeah this is almost. two years ago that it could do this a. new American look how agile it is this.

is Boston Dynamics more update this a. year ago and so they can do all kinds of. things they can they can [ __ ] saw. wood they can do construction they can. hop up on boxes look at this this is. before AI right so well they had AI but. they didn't have ai available to. everybody cuz now in in the future you'd. look at something like this and go like. this is probably not happening this is. just AI is this is real I've seen this. is real they programed they programmed. it to hop around gay that is amazing man.

they program it to toss the stuff up to. him this is so much better than a lazy. dock. worker you know some guy doesn't like. his job and needs a cigarette break this. [ __ ] is ready to go and if they figure. out how to make oh yo it does acrobatics. it's a gymnast and if they figure out a. way to make very small nuclear powered. engines which I think they're already. doing I think there's isn't there is it. China that has a small nuclear powered.

power plant yes so they'll be able to. make a nuclear powered power plant. that's the size of a [ __ ] cell phone. and stuff it in that thing it'll be able. to go for 90 years holy [ __ ] like a. battery like a a nuclear they already. have that which where they use it to. power like they used to do it for. spacecraft but you're right then it. would be endless nuclear battery. produces power for 50 years without. needing to charge that's crazy beta Vol. says its battery could power mobile. phones that never need to be charged and. drones that can fly. forever forever would you really want a.

nuclear powerered phone though that's. the one thing you would yeah I want my. balls to Glow tired of char one of those. I don't know about that I'm willing to. wear like an external case to put the. phone in it's like some sort of a shield. from the I'm sure the government. wouldn't allow these companies to sell. it if it was dangerous so just let's. just let it get out there and let's just. where they may true don't be a [ __ ]. don't you want a robot I like the robot. thing though want a robot we're going to.

get robot [ __ ] dolls for shizzy people. are so anti-rot already they had the um. what was that in San Francisco the self. self-driving taxi they lit it on fire SE. they it was like basically like uh you. know like the Amish people like the you. know like they attacked it they. destroyed it yeah but they do that to. regular taxes in San Francisco this is. again this is a sampling bi you got. homeless crazy fentanyl zombies that are. just trying to smash everything people. leave their [ __ ] windows rolled down.

and their keys like in Canada they're. telling them to leave their keys outside. their uh their forier they're telling. them to leave your keys like near the. door so that people don't have to like. roam through your house they're trying. to steal your car yes really home. invasion Jesus Christ they said listen. to make it easier just leave the keys. outside like what how about stop people. from stealing my [ __ ] car. what am I paying in taxes for you. [ __ ] it's like clean needle centers. we like if you're going to do the drugs. you're St in the house clean but clean.

needle centers are a lot more. reasonable reverse his plans to allow. police robots to kill suspects you're. going to need it soon but this is how. bad San Francis got that this was a a. suggestion yep and they actually have a. robot they're like not yet not yet let's. wait till things go really sideways are. they working on like technology for us. to read thoughts oh yeah what about like. learning what our cats are. thinking slow down on the you don't want. to know what your cats are thinking your.

cats are thinking I wish you were small. so I could eat you nuh not my cat my cat. I love you when you die they eat you. almost immediately good be right back I. want to be one with my cat let's take a. piss break cuz I got a piss too let's. pause this [ __ ] right here what the. [ __ ] are you doing Dave you're living in. 1995 oh yeah you know he sends me emails. with no body and everything's in the. subject. [Laughter]. how long is the subject it's so long I.

for to return so it's all up there yeah. it's the best how about a great sound. when I'm doing it like Madness how long. does this take for you to accomplish. this I'm done. s so you don't have a iPhone at all. anymore I have one too but this is me. off the grid yeah this is my uh uh when. [ __ ] happens right here I'm ready to go. so what do you use that one for like who. do you text on that one no this one's. like just like for all my texting the. other one's for emails and stuff this is. not on Wi-Fi you text on that yeah mhm.

so when I text you you text me on that I. do can't you feel it old that's why. there's like 10 spaces in between words. insane that is so I'm sending you a text. right now I want to see what happens. that is so. insane this is. good oh my God yeah it comes up. green uh. just wait let wait for the sound Dave. you texting or you calling I'm texting. you tell me about your upcoming weekend.

at the. mothership might take a while yeah now. it doesn't have voice to text either. does it no he doesn't know if it did I. wouldn't do that anyhow really I'm like. super paranoid with the web and. everything so this is like this is but. yet you have an iPhone I do but you know. that's a Whatchamacallit bait and. switch okay let's see if I get get it. did you get it yet I did no. okay going make the sound your name.

isn't they always make sounds every time. you text a button it makes a sound that. doesn't drive you it really annoys. people too yeah Tak in four presses to. get an s still you're doing that thing. yeah you got to really want. it that is so nice I can't even find. your thing yet it'll take me days you. remember when people started using youu. like the letter you in of Y because of. that a time saer just a little timesaver. mm it doesn't even have emojis on it.

like any Emoji is like now emoticons. like a colon and a parenthesis I use. sometimes too for a smiley face well are. are you guys done with this Tech beat. down for. me it's like I'm a tech hoarder come out. of the house buddy come on we love you. how long have you been flip phone I I I. never I have one in my house which I'm. sure is worth a lot of money cuz it has. the antenna on it so that's like my. retirement plan I'm going to sell that. to a museum or some collector or. something like that it's got that little.

like and I'm like man I can't believe. like we actually used to think this did. something like yeah oh I can't really. hear you hold on a second yeah okay now. it's up I can hear you too clear let me. put it down just a little bit I I think. it probably did a little something yeah. but you had one of these actually that. reminds me of a story about you Bill uh. blumen wri you know what he said to me. he goes you know back in the day one of. the comics who always worked was Joe and. you know why I go why he goes he had a. cell phone before anybody else so.

whenever there was a Fallout I would. call Joe Joe was there Joe wanted it and. I was like wow so it was like a uh like. a cool story about like just as we went. from like you know calling someone on a. landline to like a cell phone and that. you were ahead of the game this is like. ' 89 in my car yeah yeah and that's how. it was for the young Comics you know. having a car was a good thing you know. what I'm saying oh my God you needed a. car to get around if you didn't have a. car you you're not getting to gigs if. you had to have someone drive you to.

gigs yeah that didn't happen because. like I could get a call from Bloom right. like hey someone just got sick that was. it yeah that's what he saying in two. hours there's a gig in New Hampshire can. you make it like I'm on my way that's. awesome yeah cuz you wanted it yeah and. he would tell me over the phone okay. you're going to take the 405 North You'. have to like write it down so I had. these pieces of paper that were like you. know uh dicks chuckle and whatever. whatever the place was cuz dick Dy had a. bunch of them dick Dy had like the. comedy Hut and all these different. comedy the comedy Vault that's awesome.

that Boston scene must have been like. cuz you know talk about New York like. you know starting out I always felt like. there was definitely more rooms like. more open mics and stuff like that but. Boston like you kind of like they were. they were paying gigs if you could do. them you know if you could headline and. there was so many local great Headliners. that like you really like swimming with. sharks basically I mean it was like so. many guys that could just like. basically you know knock blow you off. the stage at any minute you know and. they would do it to people on purpose. they did it to me I know that with a.

Nick really they do it they would just. come like the hooky la or something like. that like you don't mind if I do a. little time and it was like 40 minutes. of solid you know every every Boston. thing they could throw at me and then. I'm up there with my like you know you. know little people. jokes to be. polite hey you guys uh leprechauns. nothing uh you know go home you know. screaming at you they did it on purpose. to people oh for sure and we deserved it. too by the way well they had an attitude.

about the rest of the world when it came. to Comedy they felt like the best Comics. were in Boston but they all stayed in. Boston and whenever guys would come out. of from out of town that were like. Headliners like National Headliners they. would roast that guy oh for sure they. would throw him after Don Gavin and. Steve Sweeny and Kevin Knox and [ __ ] it. was it was such a wake up but even the. crowds like very you know um very like. you know you better prove it oh to be up. there if you're the closer you better be.

the best guy here you know also there. was so many [ __ ] Headliners that they. were just so used to a very high level. of headliner these guys were Killers did. you just pull out a comb to do your. [ __ ] mustache yes I was hoping you. were making eye contact with. Dave you just want to make sure. everything's in line everything's in. order how often you comb your mustache a. fair. amount whenever I feel the need a fair. amount do you have a specific mustache.

comb or just use any old I just got one. from Walgreens or whatever I've seen. them little tiny ones they have little. tiny mustach I don't like them the teeth. are too sharp and it hurts my little. face that makes sense you get a nice. soft plastic one oh yeah yeah old school. you got to sometimes shets in there you. know trimmed it up today don't want any. loose hairs I get it I get it before was. bald I used to enjoy running a comb. through my head it's nice a scalp. massage uhhuh now I'm afraid my hair. will fall out so I can't do it looking.

at the demise and your com oh no y oh no. mhm I started going ball when I was like. 18 really crazy yeah what was that like. lonely this's a kid in my high school. that was going ball at 15 everybody. called him baldy oh God that was his. nickname baly that's horrific kids were. brutal they were they were [ __ ]. brutal in the'80s they were brutal. brutal in the '90s and 2000s they're. brutal right now yeah they're be Beyond.

brutal I think now this is just. heartless what they're doing you know. yeah that's like um I don't know but we. didn't have that web to like you know. everything itate everything and then. also like get the clicks every time. someone's getting their ass kicked. someone's filming it thank God that. didn't exist my God imagine how many. dick piics you have out there in the. world be in trouble yeah this kids today. yeah these kids today teachers and.

students. MH yeah that's wild teachers always [ __ ]. students it was always like teachers. [ __ ] students M yeah but we didn't. find out about it till later like did. you hear so and so used to [ __ ] Mis blah. blah there's always the like very. Advanced senior who was yeah banging a. Spanish. teacher rolling his ours it it's funny. like that's like professors and. universities that was kind of understood. that was part of the gig that was yeah. did I used to be a teacher and they're.

like never ever be in a room with the. door shut you leave the door open all. the time and you're never alone with. anyone was like yeah this is [ __ ]. nuts yeah and I see some of the [ __ ]. with what teachers share on the internet. with them and like students I'm like. this is such a violation of boundaries. it's. crazy what do you you know the. homeschooling seems way better now like. is like teachers [ __ ] their kids too. seems like a better option for. everything oh [ __ ] you know it's always. like hey home school you must be weird.

now it's like I guess you're just being. safe you know yeah yeah you don't want. your get indoctrinated either what do. you think of a college now do you think. it's a waste of time yes well clear. clearly depends on what you want to do. if you want to be a computer Cod or good. [ __ ] luck AI is going to take over. all that there's there's so many jobs. are going to vanish over the next five. years but it's also like it's a such a. rude cruel thing to do to an 18-year-old. kid that has no [ __ ] idea what they. want to do for their life yes and you. force them into debt decide now and you.

forceed them into a debt that's insanely. difficult to get out of it's way harder. than just getting going bankrupt it's. it's hard to get out of that debt you're. [ __ ] I got in trouble when I was. teaching cuz I told all my students I'm. like take the test to go to school but. pick up a trade go to trade school and. start making money that's like the smart. thing to do well if that's what you want. to do but you know it depends on what. you're trying to do with your life like. somebody wants to be a journalist you. should probably go to school yeah but if. you don't know what you want to do what.

what you you do you know I guess that's. what it is go out and get a job and know. you can always go to college later you. know yeah but you won't not when you're. working peer pressure and you know your. family's pressure on when you're young. like you have that window where you can. kind of like take wild chances from like. 18 to like 24 25 then once you're like. 25 everybody's like hey get your [ __ ]. [ __ ] together you know maybe even. earlier than that if you're in the. Northeast but if you are you know. already in a job and you're working. eight hours a day you're [ __ ] tired.

the the odds that you're going to quit. that and stop making money and go to. school those aren't so high I think it's. harder on um you know not to be the old. guy but like this generation's taught. that they're ex exceptional and that. everything they do is like important. whereas I think when I was growing up it. was like no nothing you do is really. that important and that you're also. going to have to like kind of work your. way up in something I think a lot of. them see their peers like you know they. went to college they dropped out they. started a company or you know they're an.

influencer with a million followers so. they see success differently than we do. and like for me it was like yeah you got. to like kind of work your way up or like. you know it's really about how much you. want it you know that kind of thing. whereas now I think I feel like there's. there really is no game plan it's really. you know it's kind of like you know. you're almost like a sucker if you kind. of play the game you know also aame is. like much more attainable to regular. people now than ever before yeah you. know especially if you're willing to do.

stupid things like pull pranks on people. or you know there's so many different. things that people can do now that can. get them attention and they're they're. doing that as a source of a career yeah. but why as a as a teacher how can you. make your kids do work when they're like. no I'm just going to be a YouTuber I. have more followers than you like shut. up well but the whole idea of Fame is. like when I was growing up it's like you. don't want to be famous that's like for. you know like whatever that's like. that's not cool you know you want to be. you know something like rough you know. you want to be like a what like a.

lumberjack or something you know like. now these kids even at Young ages they. like Fame is where it's at that's where. you get everything you want people. actually listen to you and they um you. know give you everything you want so. it's like amazing they've never worked a. day in their life yet they already know. they don't want to work you know dude I. I saw the creepiest thing my friend's. daughter took her phone and recorded her. 5 years old and into the camera she just. kept going don't forget to like And. subscribe don't forget to like And. subscribe watch my videos don't forget. to like and I was like dude this is.

that's an alien the kid is being trained. to be an alien it's not the Kid's Choice. and you're exposing the kid to the world. the whole world it's it's dangerous it's. not smart it's stupid it's irresponsible. yeah well just like that that video we. watch with the Drone like psychically. we're not supposed to see that well. you're definitely not supposed to see. people get blown to well yeah but even. even just now like we yes these things. happen but we shouldn't be aware of it. and inundated with it every single day.

and every single second right but that's. the only way you find out about it to. put pressure on people to stop it. because if it doesn't leak like Edward. Snowden doesn't put it out there and a. bunch of people don't retweet it and get. outraged by it then it doesn't put. pressure on the politicians going to. stop it are they going to stop stuff. like that can change things yeah stuff. like that changes people's minds stuff. like that changes people's understanding. of what's actually going on mhm cuz you. keep hearing oh no it's the people that. are dying it's only Hamas uses human. Shields MH well clearly that was not a.

human shield yeah and clearly those. people weren't endangering anybody and. they didn't look like they were armed. and they just blew them apart do you. think the people making money off of. this like do you think they really even. care they're going to keep going they're. going to care because the people are. going to care because there's massive. public outrage from things like this and. the more things like this happen the. less support you get for military. budgets MH and then you put pressure on. the politicians that are voting for. these things and then you know all that. stuff works it really does have an.

impact because the they don't want. people to be so outraged that they. Revolt they don't want people to pull a. Bud Light on the whole government yeah. you know cuz people are trying to figure. out a way to do that there's a lot of. people that are trying to figure out a. way to like put a stop to all this [ __ ]. so the more things like this come up. it's fuel for those people yeah but the. ma majority of people don't digest news. like we do in like a you know endless. cycle you know and like have time to. really kind of think about it cuz I.

think that um the a lot of people I know. of like they're really smart people they. just turn the news off they want rather. live in their own bubble that the news. really makes them anxious and really. makes them and I'm like well you got to. know what's going on in the world right. and then they kind of hit you with that. whole thing of like you know they're. telling you different like you know. everyone has a narrative and all that. kind of story but I'm also like you know. living in your own world is not the way. to go either cuz like when you do have. to venture out of that bubble it's it's. terrifying I think you know especially. like if you don't know what's going on.

right if you don't like there's some new. thing that's happening some new crisis. that's you don't know and you just walk. right into it I mean yeah it's like as. as like uh you know I'm like Curious. like I'm I'm just like I'd like to see. all sides of something but not to make. it political or anything that I think a. lot of these people just decide to like. you know what it's not for me I'd rather. kind of like work on my own you know. some of it's Mental Health have just a. lot of this stuff really shakes people. to the core when they finally have to. deal with it so you know I I I that's. the reason why like board games are.

still around cuz people love the idea. you can disconnect from the world and. like you're in like your own little. world where you get to be God and here's. the rules of it and stuff like that so. you know there's something to that. puzzles you know that's why hello you. you guys don't believe to me you don't. believe me for Milton. Bradley. sorry no for sure people like puzzles no. people people want to disconnect that's. like we're in that business people want. to get get away from their problems you. know [ __ ] well yeah and I think people. deserve to 100% but also like if you're.

poor and you're barely making ends meet. like you don't have time to worry about. what's going on over here like sure you. can be informed but it's so hard to be. informed and not let it take a toll on. you well that's why the great luxury is. the people that go please don't do that. I'm no I wanted to see if your message. came the great love thought he's going. to text somebody with that [ __ ] goofy. thing the great luxury pleas don't do. that of uh like Rich privileged kids is. becoming an activist yeah those are the. ones that are splashing paint on on the.

Mona Lisa and gluing themselves to walls. those are all kids from privileged. backgrounds who feel guilty and they. have this insane view that you're just. going to stop oil now and the way to do. it is to glue yourself to the moal Lisa. but that's been going around since you. know the 70s there was a lot of rich. kids that were involved of course it's. always kids because those are the kids. that have the luxury of being able to go. out and protest and do think it's like. inherent guilt too of like God I feel so.

bad what can I do 100% especially today. today you're being told that just by. virtue of the color of your skin you're. a colonizer yeah you're you're. responsible for everything and there's. people like some of these people that. are in these protests they haven't. thought [ __ ] out at all so they get. confronted by uh influencers right and. they ask him like real simple questions. to get them riled up like what do you. think we should do we need like get rid. of this country you don't understand. we're trying to dissolve the country get. away from the capitals get away from the.

capital like what dude I saw the best. thing I I went to a rally or like a no a. protest and uh it was it was during the. summer of 2020 and you know everyone's. like marching and everything and I. wanted to go check it out and uh this. this girl was uh wearing like an acab. shirt and chanting like NYPD racist. police and a cop was like Excuse Me Miss. you can't stand here and she goes oh my. God I'm so sorry and then like shifted. and then started protesting again L all.

you [ __ ] Faker what the. [ __ ] sure that wasn't a. skit I sounds like a skit I saw it with. my own eyes oh it must be real yeah. there's no way it could be fake yes it. was not fake oh you saw it you it was. right no I was next to me next to that. wasn't a crisis actor cuz that sounds. like if I saw that one on on Instagram. i' be like come on oh no no no I was. there like it happened right next to me. and I I was with my buddy and we just. started laughing how dumb is that yeah.

and then I I was I was in Central Park. for one and I swear to God this guy had. a sign and this super hot [ __ ] girl. went up to him and goes can I borrow. your sign grabbed it turned around took. a picture gave it back and left. yeah a Model stol A young guy just. trying to trust anything today oh. anything hot. [ __ ] well what about why you always at. these protest you're not in them is that.

like the guy who goes to see the fires. like OB like a wannabe fireman like I. like to wab be fireman I love. firefighters good job guys yeah yeah oh. you used a Halligan bar good work fellas. oh yeah you're like you know the stats. oh yeah I was a volunteer firefighter in. high school I loved it were you really. in high school yeah before 911 wow. you're not fighting fire it's a great. gig what if you're not fighting fires. it's a great gig to be a fireman yeah. you don't have to fight the fires you.

risk your life and go into a burning. building you're in the firehouse you're. watching. movies I was always in the pool room. playing pool so I could slide down the. pole and everybody beat me running down. the stairs but I didn't. care yeah it it I did it uh from like 16. or whatever to to 18 and I was a junior. firefighter so I wasn't allowed to fight. fires in the interior I could just do. from the exterior and then we would go. we were like the [ __ ] we' to go and. clean everything up and clean the trucks. and then I I fought a car fire once at 2.

a.m. cuz I liveed close to the house you. could hear the siren I showed up it was. me and two other guys it was all. volunteer and they let me fight the fire. myself and I was so nervous I didn't. strap my helmet on and I like pop the. hood my helmet falls off and the and I. left the hose running it was like a it. was like a Charli chap movie hard catch. oh it was hard it was so embarrassing. they're just in the truck laughing I'm. like sorry. that's one of my fears the car fire I. mean that's a horrible death being in it. yeah oh no it was a car I thought you.

just watching one one of the worst. watching it is cool but one of the worst. ones I've ever heard is Northern. California the wildfires it it swarmed. the highway killed everybody in their. cars trapped Bumper to Bumper can't get. away that's like hell on Earth when they. have the family driving like trying to. drive to safety and you just see all. that Sparks and all that oh [ __ ] man. dude I've been evacuated three times. living in California no sh yeah fire. burn two houses in front of my house. yeah and what do you do like are you out. there with a ho like are you like what.

what's the move we got the [ __ ] out you. got out right what do you grab nothing. grab the laptop grab the laptop and some. clothes like get everything else [ __ ]. [ __ ] this place and do they have stay. alive you that's what it's like man when. you see it when you see like everything. over the horizon is fire I mean from the. left to the right everything come over. the hills is fire that's crazy and it's. just ulfing buildings you're seeing your. neighbor's house on fire you just get. the [ __ ] out while you can and what I.

have so they just did supposedly they. have enough rain now for like till 2025. in California that they're saying like. this should help like uh both uh the. consumption and also with all that snow. up in the northern California that it. should like like if there's a forest. fire now what is that like well see this. doesn't matter matter it doesn't matter. if if you have a a wildfire like they. had where there was people died on the. highway those things are so big you. can't even comprehend it it's it's so.

hot there's so much fire it's literally. thousands and thousands of Acres around. you are just engulfed in flames and it's. moving at like 20 M an hour like you. ain't there's nothing happening that. you're going to do with water okay the. and the other problem with getting a lot. of rainfall is you get a lot of growth. so you get a lot of grass wild grasses. grow and they they're very tall and then. they dry out because it stops raining. like it always [ __ ] does and. everything turns brown and as soon as.

things get hot and everything turns. brown and it stops raining that's when. Fire season happens and it's a lot of it. is [ __ ] idiots throwing cigarettes. out the window a lot of it is people. that are camping homeless people start. and gender. reveals you know they like they have the. fireworks at the gender reveal everybody. loses their house J Christ how about how. about like uh those guys the smoke. jumpers whatever the people that do that. that's a balls gig but they didn't have. that in Hawaii they had nothing like.

that there like when that um Town went. up you know it was all made of bamboo I. mean it was crazy Oh you mean in Maui. Maui Maui thing's crazy the Mau was. power lines down oh that's what it was. and was the response time terrible too. it was non-existent yeah they never had. anything like that happened there yeah. but it there was also a lot of problems. like the people didn't want to release. the water cuz the like water is owned. like there's water rights and I think. the water was going to the rich. neighborhoods where the golf courses are. so like trying to get the water and then.

there's also like how the [ __ ] do you. have a place that's this windy where you. still have exposed power lines that. seems insane that seems insane like. every time those things fall down and. you didn't clean up any of the brush. around it was the conspiracy that they. were trying to get it out of there so. they could sell the land yes the crazy. conspiracy is the direct energy weapons. conspiracy people think those fire what. the [ __ ]. bro the the real tinf foil hat dudes. they'll they'll corner you like what do. you think about the director energy. weapon in Maui was that like a hard. attack gun for fires it's there's.

apparently the government has the. ability according to the conspiracy. theorists of uh and and maybe even some. real people that of having these things. that they call Direct Energy weapons so. it's almost like a laser beam and I know. that these are things that they're. working on I know these are things that. are probably top secret cuz it's it's. always been discussed there's been. studies on how to do it and there's been. Papers written on it so the conspiracy. theory is that they lit those houses on.

fire on purpose with direct energy. weapons and if you had a blue house like. a with a blue ceiling that the blue. ceiling would somehow reflect against. this energy weapon and stop your house. from burning no way oh yeah not only. that but they use cuz Biden did some. speech and in his you know old kind of. scen I he's talking about how some. houses survived cuz they had the right. roof and everybody's like see it's the. Blue Roof yeah so conspiracy theorists.

like literally painting their roofs blue. to protect them from direct energy. weapons Jamie please Google this no way. by the way this might have been one of. those things that forchan started for a. [ __ ] just for for goofing with people. and then people ran with it who knows or. it might be just people that are out of. their [ __ ] can you imagine your house. burning up because like your wife or. partner was like no don't paint it blue. Operation Blue Roof that's a thing but. it's not part of the the conspiracy. thing that what does that mean what is. Operation thing about getting people.

blue tarps to cover their roofs that's. not the same thing as what oh the. tedly sure allegedly but the um the the. okay social media post sharing the post. typically include a video from a Tik Tok. account that often shares clips of. everyday items being burned by hand. handheld industrial laser a workshop the. clip shows a laser burning yellow red. and green fabric while a blue Swatch is. unscathed with text saying it can be.

programmed for different wavelengths wow. so some lasers don't work on Blue. ceilings and these people think that. it's the the Blue Roof that detect you. someone said everything that's blue. survived including. t-shirts a blue car and some blue beach. umbrellas around Front Street along the. Waterfront when not destroyed in The. Inferno and the Blue Man Group they were. playing in town they were doing a road. gig that is that is really stretching it. if you ask me yeah they're going hard on. this this is too much DW stands for.

direct energy weapons which use. technology like high energy lasers. instead of projectiles like bullets. these videos are not evidence that they. have anything to do with the wildfires. to start with they show what is the. videos are saying handful of blue items. in the fires aftermath but uh other. footage and photos show these were. hardly the only things left standing so. but the thing about the the direct. energy weapon are there videos of those. things being used like is there like a.

is a direct energy weapon a real thing. like 100% yeah so when you I mean that's. different I think it's true it's like. what you said lasers the thing so. there's like videos of US Government. talking about direct energy weapons yeah. in you know very broad terms it's only. like 15 bucks a shot but they don't it's. true no they were saying that this will. be the best way to like shoot down. missiles and drones high energy lasers. and high pred microwaves oh so they just. shot that thing nice almost looks like. the Drone video nice so they just shot.

that out of the. sky but it's coming from a boat onto a. boat that's I don't know how it works. and so what is it look that guy just. lovely typing typing isn't it he's an. Asian guy thought it' be an Airborne. Ranger with the computer guy we only let. Asians handle on computers in the Navy. is De does it show what's that video at. the bot why the US military is investing. billions. direct and it's not right there I guar. they're doing it because they know how. to do it but when by the time they're.

telling you they're investing billions. they probably already invested billions. sure they probably figure out um there. was a. video it's not video claiming hold on. claiming to show a directed energy. weapon is actually an edited clip of an. explosion in Russia that's not what I. was trying to pull up though man this. stuff is there was a a video of uh what. looked like a laser coming out of the. sky yeah I saw that and like during a. storm or something somebody explained. that that's that's cell phone video. cameras like glitching under the intense.

exposure of like a lightning. bolt like that's something that light. flashes and it creates like a distortion. in some cell phones I don't know if. that's true. though that was just so it's a natural. it's a natural thing it's not what that. look like show that again I don't know. what I was even looking at that's that. lady that video that you just showed no. I know but I'm trying to I don't know. what the hell they're showing cuz I. can't hear the sound it's showing all. sorts of stuff they're talking about. whoa just images that were going viral.

during it some of them are real some of. them are not look at her smiling see. like right there for instance PA that's. a controlled burn at a Canton refinery. in Ohio and because of that light going. to the sky someone thinks it's a. everybody thinks it's a. rainbow there's another one that SpaceX. launch oh that's interesting that people. are doing that but that's people some. people out of their [ __ ] minds. there's a thing that happened though on. Twitter too I like I feel like this. doesn't get talked about sometimes. people are trying to get engagement. money because if you build up an account.

that can get engagement doesn't matter. if it's good engagement bad engagement. you just got to get the numbers you can. start getting Revenue so people are. reposting real old viral videos. confusing people with [ __ ] post like. this right just to build up the 5. million views but here's the real here's. the real conspiracy about the fires like. they haven't done any rebuilding um. people they weren't allowed to have. insurance inspectors go in there I don't. know if they can now um that people. still had to pay their mortgage on those. things oh jeez and the thing is it's.

like if you're getting to this point. where you don't have anything and you're. you you can't rebuild your house and. you're [ __ ] and then they come along. and offer you a payment or something or. you get foreclosed on because you. haven't paid your mortgage and then the. banks own it and then whoever the is the. developer owns it and then whatever they. want to do for the better good of Maui. they build there and then these people. lose everything this is what's really. scary about it it's because like the way.

it's being handled is not like you're. handling victims of a natural disaster. that's horrific and took more lives than. any wildfire in the history of this. country you're doing it like you are. trying to figure out a way to take that. from those people you're not doing it. like you're trying to support those. people and and build it back you're. you're doing it like if you know what's. really going on you're not asking for. financial aid for these people to deal. with their mortgages and you're not. asking for aid from the government in. one of those giant Ukraine bills it.

would take $5 billion right wasn't that. what the money was 5 billion to rebuild. all those. houses that that's a drop in the bucket. to what they're spending in Ukraine yeah. and there's no consideration at all to. do something for these [ __ ] people. that seems like you don't want to do. anything they they declared an emergency. I know when it happened like a um uh. Federal like that usually means they can. activate all federal funds and bro those. people got a one-time payment of 700. bucks Jesus Christ that's out one time.

payment didn't we get more for stimulus. checks yeah that's an outrage then yeah. dude well well [ __ ] FEMA when. Hurricane Katrina hit I I went down to. help like clean up and rebuild homes and. stuff and they sent us to Foley Alabama. because they still didn't get relief. from Hurricane Ivan like years prior wow. so there were still homes rofes blown. off from Hurricane Ivan Jesus so did. they tell them we're going to send down. some high school. firemen don't don't hang up the phone.

we're sending some kids don't let them. go to your strip club they're not. popular in high school but they want to. be. fireman they have all the weekend open. they don't have dates or friends I'm. here to help hi anybody got a shovel for. me yeah yeah I don't know what the [ __ ]. I'm doing that's amazing. that's what I like I know a guy who just. took the MTA test um and now he's an MTA. guy you know that's the guy who drives. the trains in in the Subways so I'm like.

I wonder what kind of training they give. them now because it's more than just. driving a train it's got to be like you. know you got to make a choice now all. right do you pull to the station or do. you hit the hit the homeless man who's. on the tracks like what do you do you. know like all kinds of hypotheticals. yeah how many times the homeless people. get got down there there's so much going. on in that station like not even. homeless people how many people get. pushed by homeless people yeah yeah. someone was pushed she had both of her. feet um amputated cut right off oh the.

videos are the best because if people. videotaping it aren't upset about the. loss of human life they're upset cuz. they're late to work late yeah like I. got somewhere to be so crazy so crazy. the pushing people onto the tracks. things is [ __ ] terrifying I think. that's new if you ask me that's. something that's only the last couple of. years maybe but also it's just so scary. because it's random at like 800 a.m at a. popular station you know 3:30 on the. work commute and do you know how much. that's going to ramp up with people. coming in from everywhere around the.

world and not having any jobs that were. promised to them and being angry at. everybody and knowing they can get away. with crime and already being murder. already committing murder in your. country and you got away with it now. here you are in America and you're doing. fentel multiple got throw that on there. just and multiple people that are doing. the pushings have been locked up so many. times in their family like this person. is sick we've tried we've dropped them. off at the hospital and they keep. getting released we don't know what to. do but what can you do really but what.

what can't the government do how come. they don't I mean this is after the. Reagan Administration they they let all. the nutty people out the street well. haral Riva was the guy who took that um. you know he did that documentary on. Creed what where was it like it was this. Al Capone's vault it no but it was like. it was like one of those but he went to. uh like um uh an asylum an asylum and he. just saw people laying in their own. filth and just how horrible it was and. that was the beginning of the uh. basically the defund these psychiatric.

hospitals where they through medication. they were allowed to release them into. society and and that's where people now. like we really could use an asy open. them up and then incentivize workers. with high pay to have smart people with. compassion working there not just bottom. of the barrel that's a tough yeah that's. the Willer Brook yeah this is really. this is talk about something that's hard. to is this thing here man Landmark. investigation of Staten Islands. willbrook state school an institution. for the developmentally disabled it's. Terri expose they forever changed the.

face of mental health G my alma moer but. that's the [ __ ] horrible thing about. people when they can get away with doing. things when no one's like r or somebody. else is like breathing down their neck. trying to find out what the [ __ ] is. going on that's institutionalized y but. that's what people did back then they. put them in these places get them off. the streets you know and uh now people. are looking at it going like you know. maybe that's a good idea you know I used. to work at a at a sober living house and. one of the kids was like severely. autistic and his family would just send.

him to different rehabs and sober living. houses because he was so difficult to. deal with and would just say he had a. problem with marijuana and then the kid. learned how to smoke crack from people. in the houses yeah and he ended up dying. in a crack house it's like the saddest. thing ever oh wow yeah I don't know. that's the saddest thing ever what this. poor kid is that sadder than those guys. getting drone bombed well it's it's. imagine being living in Gaza you're just. [ __ ] you're just you're already [ __ ].

yeah and you're just like going oh my. god let's walk back and see if there's. anything there yeah but Israeli Army is. targeting you yeah but imagine going to. a crack house thinking you're going to. color with some guy and he ends up. killing you yeah that's not good either. I don't know if it's a saddest thing. it's definitely sad it's it's parallel. sad but the sober living house like what. how does that work it's all sad yeah. what do you mean I've only seen it on. that show of the um you know with Dr. Drew the sober living house like what is. it like have you lived in one yeah. what's it like like you have chores and.

you know well I lived in a three quter. house an Oxford House in Delaware yeah. and so it was self-run so we had we had. um everyone had a role like a comp. troller Treasurer chore coordinator. president of the house and we kept each. other accountable but uh sober living. house like a halfway house you have. house managers and clinical assist and. everything to basically like babysit you. and take you and you have to have a job. besides working there right living there. you have to have a job outside of the. house you help them get jobs and. everything and then I I like that idea.

yeah and then I got fired for drinking. so it didn't end well that's like the. first first rule you're like I didn't. see that I didn't read the handbook all. right did they give you a warning or is. this one time oh out out yeah out and I. they didn't catch me I came to them and. was like I [ __ ] up I was on the Road. and I took a twoe bender and it was bad. I came back and got fired wow wow so. were you clean when you came back to the. house yeah uh or were you still a little.

drunk no I I mean like I hadn't drank. yet that day I cocked yeah yeah yeah. yeah so did you just stand in your once. you were fired did you just get in your. car and get reloaded in front of the. house I love that expression what do you. think it is I love that expression I. went to get cocked MH that's a great. [ __ ] drunk expression oh yeah getting. cocked yeah that's what I know a guy who. was in a rehab and that um he told me we.

were like looking out the window and he. told me goes you see all those cars over. there those were all drug dealers. they're just waiting for some guy to go. I've had it and they'll come out and. they'll like immediately sell them drugs. and it was like it it was kind of like. the shark circling the shark cage like. was that kind of like they're just out. there like and I'm like wow that that. shouldn't be allowed you know like I'm. I'm like an idiot you know oh my God you. shouldn't be there you is that crazy man. you did your time celebrate they're like. Yeah o nice day uhuh you know like the.

Slither snake oh yeah yeah they don't. want to lose their customer that's the. best way to get them back when they're. vulnerable out well that dude back to. that book dreamland it talks about these. these Mexicans from na bringing black. tar heroin to America and how it. exploded was because of their customer. service they yeah they would they had a. paging system they had cellones they. would give addicts extra and be like hey. it's on the house you're a good customer. and then when they didn't hear from for. a while since they had their numbers. they'd call them be like how are you do.

you want to meet up we have some new. heroin if you want to try it out yeah. man I do yeah I do you're on the Tipping. Point you're home in the kitchen bored. drinking coffee God you caught him at. the right time you know what Jose I'll. see you in 5 minutes yeah let's go yeah. it was like Domino's for. heroin way worse Doo doesn't call you. are you hungry Ian Ian would you like a. pizza [ __ ] I would like a pizza how. about one on the house Ian oh you guys. are the. best I'm a little short on funds right.

now don't worry about it Ian and they're. they is your friend their number one. export that they would use all their. money the the drug dealers was uh Levi's. 501 jeans and they would bring it back. to their families and that would show. everyone in Nate like wow we have money. now Jes so they would they would raid. these places and the closets would be. stacked floor to ceiling with jeans. really yeah that's with an iron crease. in. them only I was always like man why do.

they why do they do that it's never. going to be slacks it's jeans they're. like no that's how we like it yeah it. was their sign of opulence yeah a nice. pair of jeans well you ever go to like. um Houston they always have like that. TexMex Cowboy Bar like where you're not. really supposed to go in there it's for. other people and like those guys are. dressed up you know they got their jeans. iron they got the Big 10 gon on you know. it's like a big night out and I'm always. like man good for these guys man and. then of course there's some kind of. shots fired in the parking lot something. terrible happens but you know you're.

like they're cowboys you know of course. legit Cowboys yeah you know this a you. know Unforgiven here there's some issue. you know something the the. cows something about the cattle flight. grazing rights or. something those are cool towns though. the uh you know you don't you don't get. that much anymore everything looks the. same yeah you know all these towns are. the same though there's no late night. food no nowhere well actually I think. this might YK City still have it well we.

just have pizza cat's Deli still open. yeah yeah but it's like $35 for [ __ ]. but not all night don't if you want a f. pami sandwich at 4 in the morning you. should be willing to pay $35 I I'd be. willing to pay but it's not open it's. like Vegas we were just in Vegas that. has like late night food and it's pretty. good that what was that place you took. was that oh oh ping pang pong that's a. real place Chinese food it's open real. late it's uh 24 hours oh wow yeah and. you you think the people who work there.

are angels cuz they look exhausted I. mean you're in a casino working at a. Chinese food like all it's everything. you would think but then you're like hey. this food is really good I can't believe. it the best Chinese I've ever had really. yeah I got their Chopstick logo tattooed. on. me that's hilarious there's a restaurant. inside um Encore at the wi the wi uh. Hotel um the wind has like a Michelin. star Chinese restaurant in it I think. it's the only restaurant the only.

Chinese restaurant in the country I. think that has a mission star or one of. the only ones it's incredible what is. that place called Jamie it's incredible. it's like what is it called Wing Le Wing. L wing wing lay yeah or Wing. Lee yeah I mean they don't help it I. sound really racist when I'm naming my. favorite Chinese restaurant. yeah Chinese restaurant well first. Chinese restaurant in America to earn a. Michelin star wow but those are normal. hours like that's 539 that's like a. restaurant it's a real restaurant you.

have to dress nice too like you can't. wear like a w woke fried main lobster. dude it's sounds so good walk Fred not. woke sorry poetry slam yeah we fry it in. trans tears we ask its permission take a. knee uh what was going to say uh ping. pang pong yeah there it is is I'm. impressed with Vegas I mean Vegas has. really turned the corner you oh Vegas is. a different place now it it's a total. different you see it too right it's also. Vegas became much more about.

entertainment than just about ging and. also like the the sphere is a good. example of like what is possible like. I'm sure that's just the beginning of it. you know yeah with that kind of money we. went to the battlebot arena there listen. when you're driving through Vegas and. just the neon and all the craziness It's. [ __ ] amazing it is amazing it's. amazing and I did show that Wise Guys. was a great CL by the way in Vegas the. locals came out and they were so happy. to see a show like usually it's Casino. or whatever bigger only but just to have. a like a regular Club there is really.

cool too and there's there's a bunch but. this is off the strip it's way off so. it's mostly for the locals so it was. kind of refreshing to see the locals. come out and let's say is there a more. jaded crowd than a Vegas crowd you know. they've seen it all yeah so they were. really cool and uh I like veg I feel. like Vegas has turned the corner man. it's really it's popping now yeah well. it's a PE place where people go to have. a good time mhm so when you do shows. there like you know doing shows you ever. do the Mirage I think so in the past for. sure that's that uh what is it the Terry. Fedor theater Mirage yeah he's was.

called that it was called that I think. they changed it but the [ __ ] place is. great I was there with Gillis like a few. months back it's amazing you get in. there you're like holy [ __ ] this place. is incredible I forgot how fun it was. and it's like bunch of people there to. have a good time it's like that's what. you want you want people that are just. like purposely I'm here to have a good. time they want fun I'm I'm in a town. that's specifically designed to have a. good time that's the first place I saw. the ax throwing stuff they have like new. ideas like for some reason people will. bring new ideas and they'll like Vegas.

you know people want to you know what's. the next thing that people want to do. what do they want to try so I think. that's a good place like if you have an. idea and you want to see if people are. into it that's the place to do it you. know yeah so that's where you'll see a. lot of these uh robots and stuff like. that there they'll have some kind of. robot wrestling or something'll be robot. prostitutes they'll they they'll unleash. them that's be first place they do it in. Vegas and you know the weed thing there. too which is weird that their weed laws. are you can buy it but you can't really. smoke it on the street or in the hotels. or anything like that so I don't know. where people actually smoking that weed.

but that just added another layer got to. go over someone's house it's like an. Airbnb for smoke breakes just on top of. the stratosphere you know you got to H. box the battle box Arena but there is. the sad of Vegas and let's face it. there's some like you know you go to Old. Vegas and you're like walking down those. streets it's sad but uh there's. definitely a lot of sad in Vegas there's. some fun to it too though and that's all. those museums like just crazy museums. there if you're going to have gambling. you're going to have failure you're. going to have you have people who just. [ __ ] hit the Rocks yeah at 400 m an.

hour 4:00 a.m. you can't quit the penny. slots people lose everything people have. you ever seen those videos of people. just peeing in their seats cuz they. don't feel like getting up nuh-uh yeah. this is this girl she's sitting there. this girl sitting there on her phone and. she's sitting at one of the slot. machines just pisses a girl or old woman. girl a lady look she's just sitting. there pissing she's kind of hot so she's. on the phone she just says I'm just. going to [ __ ] piss so she's just.

pissing while she's sitting there but. that's she doesn't look like a. degenerate she just looks like drunk. she's probably both she's too hot to. like a she probably drunk BR she's just. pissing on the ground in front of. everybody lucky gr and people are. filming it and she's got like a. beautiful purse nice shoes that's in. Vegas I yeah it doesn't really wow what. casino is that at Jamie I don't know I'm. just looking at it woman pees while. gambling a casino she refuses to go to.

the bathroom so she doesn't ruin her. luck caption out of it is there any. chance that's not what it is yeah like. what if it's coming from her bag or she. put a drink in between her legs what a. weird ad for that she's really turned on. um I would like to just keep believing. sheing makes it better what it looks. like what a weird it definitely looks. like she's peeing yeah I can't get over. how hot she is apparently people do do. that though I've I've talked to people I. was expecting someone in one of those. other videos but this is the one that. went around viral right let's that's cuz. she's hot um don't they do that in Time.

Square at um everywhere with the ball. the people [ __ ] everywhere don't. people wear diapers cuz it's so crowded. you're not allowed to leave once you get. in that zone security Zone they should. all. die what sorry if you're wearing a. diaper to go see something and you can't. pee you're used. anyway uh right that was. weird I'm not wearing a diaper today. we'll change my catheter imagine they. gave you that option they just connected.

you would you like to be connected to. the urinal you're like yeah sure just. connect me and they just strap you in. put you in a chair and just zip your. dong just let it hang out you can pee at. any time you're in a bag you're in a. like a blue dark bag I hate as long as I. sit in it i' do that those machines suck. I I'd rather like play Black I was. playing them with you and the thing. these dumb machines it's like by the. time you figure it out you're already. about a 100 bucks into to these dumb. games and then I'm like you know look at. all this like information and it's like.

you never know if you're winning or not. you know it's like why am I hitting my. you know like an idiot you're hitting. the butt waiting for a treat to come out. ding ding but I like the classic and you. know it's just u i was I how people do. it and then every time he came around me. I started losing it yeah it was a dark. cloud slot Revenue made up 66.3% of. total gaming win wow penny slots. generated 99.6% of total slot win with. 3.15 billion which is pennies that's. crazy which is down 12% from 2022 while. slots that accept multiple denominations.

generated 5.9 billion up 16.7% from last. year so people are getting Dumber people. always have money to gamble they're. getting Dumber they're blowing more. money on slot machines I'm I'm a part of. it a big slot machine what's your. biggest win on a slot what's your. biggest uh $1,100 and how many how long. did it take you to get that uh I was. there for like an hour if you had a. guess though like how much are you in. the hole to slot machines all. time oh.

Joe so much well I mean I lost like. three grand when I was in Vegas on. machines well I play a little roulette. too but I like how that's your backup. game roulette I understand this game I'm. an idiot like another guessing I'm. guessing last night on stage I lost $20. betting someone rock paper scissor in. the front row I love gambling I'm not. good at it are you a sports guy too no I. don't like sports sports because we. really can make it uh yeah I don't I.

don't understand the over unders and the. parlays and yeah but we we've been to. the track on the road and that's fun and. that's another one where it takes. forever to figure it out the trifectas. and the quintell and all those all those. other those track junkies are weird folk. oh yeah my uncle was one of them he let. me uh got me to pull the trigger on the. start of a race once oh wow it's a fun. date though like if you take a girl like. like hey this is kind of cool like where. the upper class but it's like you're. surrounded by some of the saddest people. who've ever lived you know the people.

that live at the track the saddest [ __ ]. is Off Track Bedding that's that was so. much fun oh yeah OTB. yeah oh my God in in New York they had. off track betting oh Chinatown is. everywhere gambling junkies would go and. bet on the races from the middle of. nowhere that was the most unhealthiest. place like you would walk in it was like. waves of smoke. oh man it was just terrible going in. there I I remember people like with uh I. was like do you have a bathroom here I'm. like what are you talking about there's.

no bathroom here people would be living. in it yeah come on they'd be taking. showers in. there yeah Off Track Betting was this. guy white Plaines Charlie that I used to. hang around with and uh White Plains in. uh executive Billiards and white ples. and he would always go to Off Track. Betting during the day and he' come back. complaining what is Off Track Betting. this is before the internet where You'. put it in and you'd be able to bet on. races around the country you know oh so. you're betting on horse races but you're. nowhere near the horse race so and all.

these [ __ ] psychotic gamblers these. guys are nuts look at these people. they're all just completely addicted. they're all shady everyone's in there. everyone's [ __ ] their whole life up. with this addiction yeah that was my. uncle man and they're just donating. money you know I remember um looks like. the DMV I I was going to say like I. remember walking past I was like is this. like the cab Authority is this like. where the cabbies hang out look how sad. these guys look like give me a click on. some of the folks hanging out there. they're great they just look like. everything's gone wrong everything look.

at that guy explain I'll [ __ ] tell. you what the government's plan. is yeah they're all just junkies the. name of one of the horses government's. PL it was a nice way to spend an. afternoon that's how they portrayed it. on the commercial just a bunch of. junkies oh God ghost of Wagers pass. still living living yeah they close all. this is all down they don't have off. trck bedding anymore I don't think so. when did they make that illegal near the. Manhattan. Bridge do you think I think long Upper.

West Side cider makes documentary about. Off Track Betting oh look that looks. classy though with the that's a nice B. yeah that's a nice one that's the Upper. West Side they're betting on something. besides horses there I. think that's like that's like falconry. or something something something another. level of animal. well there's always dog races too right. yeah I've been to those in person and. they were a lot of fun really you know. in um they used to have the thing where. they uh this was like a write of Passage.

or at a state fair where they had. monkeys riding dogs and they were like. this has got to end now and I'm like oh. come on it's hilarious you know they and. the monkeys would be like riding them. around they'd have like do a circle man. that was really. fun I think everybody had a good time. the dog the monkey everybody's having a. good time in that I saw a video today of. India and these folks are walking down. this road and this monkey runs up behind. and just drop kicks this lady and then. look at. this monkey r a good heat I got the guy.

in red I got the guy in red purple's. making a comeback hey stop what's going. on we should have bet oh this is like. such a lame one but look at the dogs. he's easily distracted you're taking a. bow do any of the monkeys rip the dog's. faces off that's great no they know. better than that dogs will bite their. are they friends like do they get to be. buddies the dogs don't seem to mine they. have to split the purse the dogs. probably for the dogs probably like. being pet like yeah he's petting me he's.

riding me he's wearing a little dress. and they don't weigh much oh that's so. fun so these people were walking down. this road in India and this monkey runs. up behind them drop kicks this one lady. and then runs a little further and drop. kicks this little kid and then just runs. off like 100% did it on purpose just. like [ __ ] these people that's great he's. a migrant angry runs angry runs up with. its back feet like like a drop kick yeah. like a real like pro wrestling did you. try to steal their purse or was it Love. of the Game [ __ ] them up just the Love.

of the Game awesome drop some bombs on. these [ __ ] fools that's the. best oh nice one bro you've been served. like this just decided to [ __ ] this dude. up well he's egging him on though he's. like [ __ ] dud did he give him the finger. he tried my God he tried to stand his. ground but the monkey say [ __ ] You the. monkey what a that guy was I hate to say. he was left his thing behind he's so. disoriented so where's the monkey is. this Outdoors or is it indoors the one.

that I saw it was indoor or Outdoors. rather there dirt road scary they'll. steal your [ __ ] kids man this is. crazy oh look at those tails man oh. they're dragging the girl oh no. yeah yeah dude that's. sketchy I would not let the monkey grab. my [ __ ] kid then you got to realize. like they'll [ __ ] you up like a little. monkey will [ __ ] you up like they can't. treat it like it's a little person they. must think we're so stupid like they. just we keep feeding them and like I. mean honestly well then a lot of places.

they'll take your phone in order to give. the phone back you have to give them. something that's smart give him food yep. can you train the monkey to steal a. phone and give it to you so you can sell. it I'm sure you can and that's in like. um where where is it where like they. they live in like a a monastery or or a. ruin or something like that they kind of. control the town I think it's in India. or Thailand or something like that where. it's like just troops of monkeys. hundreds of them stop traffic and they. can't do anything yeah yeah you can't. fight them unless you're willing to go.

to war you got to really be willing to. go to war you got what's your weapon you. got to need machine guns yeah how would. you fight the monkey Army yeah they're. going to swarm on you you're going to be. able to you got to be able to maybe even. yeah you need something to you multiple. rounds no no they'll take that mace. around away from you and stuff it up. your ass they jump on your face and bite. your nose off and then you drop the mace. and then they beat you to death with the. mace like you're [ __ ] you you got to. have a motorcycle helmet on Kevlar suit.

there it is yeah you got to look like. Tex cob in Raising Arizona exactly no. but he he was still vulnerable his skin. was exposed you want to literally be. wearing like a motorcycle riding outfit. made out of Kevlar oh my God look at. them that's like two troops of monkeys. going at it yeah they're fighting look. at that well this was I think during Co. one of the things that happened during. Co was they didn't have access to all. the tourists so they starving so they. had become dependent upon people and. where people would hang out and leave. food you're God yeah look at those guys.

they're probably [ __ ] staring look. that's a nice spread though that they. put out for them that is pretty sweet. yeah that's good sort of like one guy. was dressed as a monkey I'm infiltrating. a nice little Buffet look at this sort. of s are cool all different plates of. food like a Carnival Cruise nice the all. you can eat look at them they're [ __ ]. having a good old time you would think. that all nice treatment they wouldn't. steal any babies but they still will. masks on too you see that these guys. wearing a giant mask they're so smart oh.

boy he's their leader I think that might. be a statue is that a statue or a dude. that's a statue oh yeah that's like the. God they're worshiped yeah wow wow oh. that looks like rats like the way. they're circling is wild what. people it's so wild what people choose. to and choose not to worship you know. like he's shaking off it's like enough. of the table. boys boy what a [ __ ] horrible life. that is imagine being a monkey in India. and no tourists show up you're like you.

got to be kidding where's the food man. if they only had dogs to ride then they. could make a living they could really. make a difference do you know the story. of uh Cobra Charmers no no Cobra. Charmers started because they they. started offering people money to kill. cobras and so what people realize is you. could breed cobras and then kill those. cobras and so every Cobra you capture. and kill they give you a little bit of. money so they started breeding cobras. and so then the government got WIS to it.

and say hey stop you can't do this no. more bounty on cobras and they're like. what are we going to do with these. [ __ ] cobras and so they started. [ __ ] doing shows with them no [ __ ] I. didn't know that wow see if that's true. oh did you just tell us did you make up. no imagine if I made it up but I. remember the source which is often the. case I don't remember the source of that. story you mean we can't make these. cobras [ __ ]. anymore yeah they [ __ ] I mean it. makes sense yeah people are get a little.

people find ways where where are they. native to that's India like where are. the cobras I believe it's India India. right yeah I mean you think about the. people going back and forth from Mexico. and making $88,000 a month like same. kind of deal people find a little. loophole like oh I got an idea breed. cobras bro I'm breeding cob crial. another tough. one died breeding. cobers yeah I'm looking through the. thing but that's pretty sneaky thing i'. never heard for safety some North. American sh snake Charmers Stitch close.

the mouth of their performing snakes. leaving just enough opening for the. animal to be able to move its tongue in. and out members of the audience in that. region believe the snake's ability to. deliver venomous bites comes from its. tongue rather than its fangs snakes. subjected to this practice soon die of. starvation or mouth infection must be. replaced by freshly caught specimens. similar methods are used in India where. snakes are defanged and have their venom. glands. incapacitated they are also kept in.

boxes or bags for 30 to 45 days and. dehydrated so their muscles cramp making. them sluggish so they will drink the. milk offered by the devotes at festivals. the milk is undigestible to the snake. Jesus Christ wow it's abuse methods of. dealing with the fangs include expert. surgical removal of both of the fangs. and replacement fangs which has been. done by some Native American and African. snake Charmers barring Extraordinary. Measures pulled FR fangs are replaced. within days fangs may also be plugged.

with wax or other material god well it's. so it's like a three card Monty kind of. like you're thinking it's the guy could. really die nothing could happen to him. right but see if that's the origin of us. that they used to Google that like if. they used to give bounties for cobras. but people to advantage of it pretty. sure that's a real story this has the. history goes all the way back to ancient. Egypt right Viper but in India what I'm. talking about is the bounty on COBRA.

thing the real money is in being a snake. dentist with all those Fang removals how. I'm not saying that they invented it but. I'm saying like that's why where it came. from like where there were so many of. them and it was associated with India. that these are people that apparently. had a bunch of snakes laying around like. look we need to figure out a way to. [ __ ] diversify wasn't that St Patrick. didn't he didn't he Chase get all the. snakes out of Ireland wasn't he the guy. but what are you supposed to do it's. like a snake lived in Ireland it's so. cold wet all the time it's probably easy. to chase him out of there bring me back. to Indian and take my teeth out what.

happens with the like what you supposed. to tip that guy like it's like a street. performance this is in a longer article. the first paragraph says Legend goes. that a cobra investigation plagued Deli. in the 1800s so the British raw decid to. offer cash reward for every dead Cobra. the men has briefly subsided to the plan. backfired Savvy Indians built Cobra. Farms so they could have a constant. supply of snakes to kill and redeem for. money yeah wow right British eventually. uncovered the scheme and ended its. incentive with no use for the now.

worthless snakes breeders released the. creatures onto Delhi streets wow you. were right man so it made the problem. worse that's right that's what it was oh. wow I I [ __ ] up the story no you got. you got a lot of it right problem worse. oh [ __ ] man yeah people are gross yeah. they're like [ __ ] these C they just let. them lose you you don't see that on New. York streets anymore like with they like. performing dogs or any any of that kind. of stuff you don't see any kind of. animal that's illegal but you can just. go [ __ ] in the curb that's yeah well.

that's that's fine that's a performance. you will see somebody who's like you. know I'm a squatter with a dog and the. poor dogs there all day long you know. just like laying next to them that that. I always feel like are those dogs. drugged or are they so socialized that. they're just doile I think they're. that's what they're used to living like. that you think yeah they're just used to. that existence but you're really giving. money to the dog hoping that he'll take. the money and take care of the dog but. really we don't know guy without a dog. is probably like 60% less effective than. the homeless guy with a dog that's my.

rough estimation yeah you remember nor. McDonald's joke about the homeless guy. with a dog like wow what is the dog. thinking this is the longest walk ever. are we ever going. home man it's been going on for days. now that's the [ __ ] up thing about. dogs they're so awesome they'll love you. even if you're just homeless and. just [ __ ] lazy as [ __ ] and never. getting anything done they like still. love you it's real unconditional love. it's beautiful my cat does that sure.

your cat will eat you when you die cats. have with seconds within seconds I'll be. one with him. finally be inside of yeah all right kids. let's Wrap This [ __ ] Up bring it home. uh Ian very fun thank you for being here. blessed thank you my pleasure brother. thank you very much and uh I'm excited. to see you guys this weekend so you're. the [ __ ] man I love you to death. you're one of the best of all time Joe. thank you for all of us for doing what. you do man honestly it was a great hang. and the club I can't wait to be there so. we're excited okay that's it bye oh your.

special when is it coming out uh March. 26 Netflix uh hot crust buns yes all. right bye everybody. [Applause]. [Music].