Joe Rogan Experience #2087 - Ron White

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe. Rogan Experience. TRAIN BY DAY, JOE. ROGAN PODCAST BY NIGHT. ALL DAY. RON White has brought a wandering puppy. into this studio and she's tangled in. the wires now. Yeah, you know what? We can just put her. out there. There's a. They got new puppies out there. Let's. just put her outside. She doesn't need. to be around these wires. Let's have her. do that and play with the puppy. Yeah, she'll do that.

How old is she? 6 months? 6 months. She's adorable. What's her name again? Maddie. She's like a rug that shits. She's That's what she is, man. She's a little adorable little She's a. cutie pie. golden doodle micro golden doodle is. what they're calling them. Micro golden doodle? Yeah, so that's about how big she's. supposed to be. That's it? That's as big as they get? That one's supposed to. I hope so cuz I. got to I still got to cram them on. planes and [ __ ] when I would travel. But. they those things all came from wolves.

Did they really? Yeah. I don't know. anything about where she came from. I I. got her from a breeder. All dogs came from wolves. They did? It's just incredible they can get a dog. down to that. That they can I mean even. a German Shepherd, imagine turning a. German Shepherd into a Chihuahua. How? How do they do that? I'm glad I'm not. not the one they're asking how to do it. because I I would have to say I have no. idea, dude. I don't even think they know how people. did it. You get Chihuahuas and let them. bang. That's the only That's the boss.

Chihuahua. I wonder if you can go back. up to a wolf. What do you do? Take. Chihuahuas and make. back just reverse DNA those things back. into a creature. Yeah, make it harder. for them to live. Is it hot in here? No. It's not? No. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Then I. miscalculated something. I got a. miscalculation going on in my head. No, we're good. It's like what is it in. here? 70? It's cold as [ __ ] outside. Yeah, it is. I'm I'm up in the air on. the 22nd floor. I'm still living in the.

condo. It is breezy up there. Yeah, boy, you open up that sliding. glass door, you get a taste of reality. You know, a. couple days ago we could barely shut it, you know, or or open it. It was just so. much pressure against it. We're in. Midland on Wednesday or Thursday night. to do a show, thanks to you. If you'd. have just let me retire, I wouldn't have been in Midland in a. But I'm sitting on my bus, my 60,000-lb. tour bus and it is shaking in the wind. It is blowing so hard and I've owned.

that bus 17 years. I've never felt. anything like this. and it's just shaking and that bus. driver had to drive it from there to. Houston for the next night's show and he. got up at 10 hours later of just. wrestling that steering wheel trying to. keep that thing on the road. god. His shoulders were killing him. His. back was sore. He looked like he'd been. in a fight all night long. 10 hours. What a a. bus is such a big target for wind, too. There's so much surface area. big old. sail. Yeah.

And uh but luckily they weigh a lot. So. they're 60,000 lbs and and uh. you know, so it's pretty stable. compared to a trailer, right? That that. somebody's pulling. There's no weight in that. All that. weight's right here. That stuff really. blows around worse than we do. Yeah, I. would imagine. We have got weight distribution. Just. the whole trailer thing can get. about this [ __ ] If you want to know any. of it, just ask me questions. Okay. All. right. The hinge. something. between the two trailers, if. something goes sideways, I would imagine. that would be a lot harder to get back.

on track. I don't know jack [ __ ] about. that. In fact, I don't I don't In fact, I've owned my bus for 17 years. I've. never driven it 1 foot and if you held a. gun to my head and said, "I'm going to. kill you if you don't move this bus.". I'd say, "You're going to have to kill. me, dude, cuz I don't even know how to. start it.". I've never been curious. I'm not that. kind of person. I don't I don't own a. jet for years. I never went in the. cockpit. I couldn't tell you what goes. on up there. I didn't I'm sure the. people up there knew how to flew a plane. fly a plane, but I've never started it.

I've never moved it. I've had cops bang. on You got to move it. You're blocking. an alley. I'm sorry, dude. You got the. wrong guy. And the guy that's the driver. is asleep right now cuz he's got to. drive tomorrow night. So it's kind of. sitting where it's sitting unless you. guys want to tow it. You've had that happen? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, I had uh Yeah, cuz drivers can only. drive so long. Yeah, they Well, you drive 500 miles and. then you're then they go on overdrive. So they make the same. for the next couple of hours that they. made for the whole day. So they like.

that. But you but there are laws against. how much that they can run without. without needing some rest. And we run. that bus at night. So, you know, they. got to sleep during the day. You're banking on people being able to. stay awake. People fall asleep at the. wheel sometimes. Yeah, you got to go you got to go with. super pros and pay them well, you know, because those guys understand the the. how important it is, you know, that you. got everything on this thing. Yeah. You. know, my life, my friends' lives, you. know. Yeah. Uh and my family, you know, that's. who I've spent the most time with in the.

last. uh whatever, 30 years. And um. you know, they So you get a pro that. knows how to sleep, knows how to do it, knows how to work it, knows how to work. those hours and you know, I got a great. guy now uh that I just picked up. Name. Steve who used to work for Prevost. fixing them. And uh Fred the patch who used who built. the bus. So I got the bus covered, man. That's nice cuz you got like a little. traveling apartment. Yeah, it's a spot. It's the greatest. You got to get one. I.

In fact, I was looking at them the other. day for you. I'm not getting one of those. You got. to. No. You got a place to store it? No. Park it in one of your gyms? No, just the thought of traveling around. on highways while you're just kind of. you're hoping. all these other people around you can. keep their [ __ ] together. Right. Well, you have regular people, not. pilots, Right. driving. multi-thousand-pound.

machines on rubber tires weaving in and. out of lanes. Yeah, you you can't ever come on my bus. with thoughts like that spewing them out. there. I'll never sleep again. Some guy. just cut in front of me the other day, didn't see me on the highway, I don't. think. I think he just cut right in. front of me and I was like, "Wow.". Never saw you. I don't think he saw me. I think he just turned in my lane. I. think you know, it was a left lane. thing. He was going into the left lane. I just don't think he saw me. I you. know, the the problem with that with. that bus is that you get so used to it.

and you're so used to living on it when. it's moving Mhm. and uh you kind of. forget that you're standing there, but. you're really going 70 miles an hour. So. if something happens and this happened. one time. We were in Orlando and it was. actually a cop that did it. Cut in front. of the bus. I'm standing there washing. dishes or whatever I was doing. and then Pat had to hit the brakes and. turn to the left from going for I'm now. I'm going 70 miles an hour. I'm still. going 70 miles an hour, but he's going. 52 and going that way and I'm going 70.

miles an hour this way. and uh I landed on this chair which. looks padded, but it doesn't feel padded. when you hit it and uh I thought I would. never walk again or breathe again and. after I just walked away from it. I. wouldn't even hurt, but. uh you got to sit down and remember, "Hey, this thing's moving, right? So if. something happens, you got to be ready. for it to happen.". Yeah. And I sleep like a baby on it, so. Ooh, that's crazy. In fact, I spent too much time on it. I. got to hire somebody to shake my bed. when I'm at home just a little bit to so.

I feel like I'm moving down the road. wanted to look at the bright side of. human beings, highways are a pretty good. indicator. that people for the most part keep it. together. For the most part. I think that's really how you can really. tell when you're back in America. and how good we are at at putting a. country together, you know, is how good. our roads are compared to you know, you. It's really funny if you cross the. bridge from Reynosa, Mexico to McAllen, Texas, which I used to do all the time. It was a joint project. So the US built.

half the bridge, Mexico built half the. bridge and I'm not being a racist and I. love Mexican people. I just got back. from Mexico City, but our side of the bridge is smooth as. silk and as soon as you hit that river, boom boom boom boom boom. But that just goes to what you just. said. It's a it's a mark of what you've. achieved as a as a as a civilization, the kind of road work that you've got. and you get back to. Texas where we got those U-turn lanes on. the freeway. We got it figured out here.

in Texas, man. We got the best roads. ever. Best roads ever. It's just. just counting on all those people to. keep their [ __ ] together all the time. while you're driving on the highway. And. most people do it. Most people, the vast. majority of us. keep our [ __ ] together. That's why I. think bus drivers should make more than. pilots because there's way more [ __ ] to. run into. Oh yeah, way more. than there is up. there. things that can make mistakes. that are all around you. right. The things that are completely. out of your control. That ain't going on.

up in the sky there. There's also people. play stupid road games. I'm sure you've. seen those. People get aggressive with each other on. the road. When when you're in a car, and. this was explained to me, I forget who. told us. Who told us this with with the. reason why road rage really exists at. such a hyper level is because you're. really tuned in because you're driving. the car. It's an extraordinary thing. You're you're really you know, you know. things are happening fast. Your mind's. tuned in. So any little thing like, "What the fuck?" Yeah, right. You're.

already at like seven. Right. And so. when you're already at seven and. something happens, it just it freaks you. out. It's you know, it's amazing how how. even-headed I think I am, but what. really little it takes to set me off, you know, I like to think I'm a step. above all that stuff, but I was in. Mexico City the other day and this guy I. needed to find something. um a a pharmacy and and then so this guy. was a It's in the nice Beverly Hills. part of Mexico City and this guy's. walking. He's got a business suit on and.

I literally I don't look that great. My. hair is all over the place and. and I said can you tell me where a. pharmacy is and the guy didn't even look. at me he just kept on walking. I said. please could you just tell me where a. pharmacy is and the guy didn't even look. at me I said [ __ ] you know I went off on. the [ __ ] guy you know he was just. trying to get where he was going and. didn't want to be stopped by some big. hairy drug addicted looking thing you. know that was coming at him for some. question. a little sketchy like if you were asking. for where the pharmacy is and I don't. know who you are. Right and then and I'm.

and I'm basically wearing pajamas and. you know. the wind's blowing and. but. but that's how far I am away from really. snapping I don't know what I'm I'm not. way up I'm not hovering above every. anything I don't think. There was always. the joke that you'd go to pharmacies in. Mexico and just buy anything. Is that true? Cuz people would always say that they. would call them like Mexican I was. always calling them Mexican supplements. Yeah. Like steroids and things that. people get over the counter. know there there are some things that. you can get like valium and stuff like.

that but you can't go down there and get. like opioids or. I don't think so you know I don't know I. don't know I'm just. I mean according to a few TikTok videos. I've seen you can walk in and get lots. of like steroid type stuff for sure. I'm. looking online like for some good. Yeah you can get HGH and stuff like that. but that's not what you're talking. about. I'm talking about everything like. what can you. Yeah yeah now I don't think it's really. that open a book. I know you can get. cheap dental care down there. they decriminalized a lot of things in. Mexico fairly recently.

I haven't seen anything that crazy you. can get that stuff here. Lexapro so you. could just go in with no prescription. and buy Viagra. But but the weird ones like Lexapro. isn't that that's like an antidepressant. right? I have no idea what that is. just go buy penicillin. Yeah and why not. I mean why should you have to go through. it if you know if you need penicillin. your dick's dripping you know get some. get something for it you know go down. there and patch it up you don't want to. you don't want to admit it to anybody. That thing is a Viagra it's a blue pill. itself. Oh look at the dick on it.

What does it say macho caliente? Very hot that's what that means very. hot. It's a pharmacy with a dude with a. boner. He's got he's got abs too you. know he's got a little gut but he's got. it's like a mix between me and Rogan. he's got a big old [ __ ] upper body. and then a gut hanging down there. It's a human Viagra pill with a boner at. a pharmacy. It's a sombrero. Yeah I don't it's too bad you can't see. this or I guess some people watch this. on television right? some of them too young. Isn't that that.

thing from like the ancient times? Yes it is but it's also I think it's a. sleeping pill. Right there it's right. next to a bottle of shampoo right or. that's just lotion body lotion right? Isn't it kind of ironic that so is soma. is it sleeping medication? I don't know what it is. Cuz the the original soma was like from. Muscle relaxer. So the original soma they don't even. know what it was. They've just there's. all sorts of questions as to what it was. they think it had something to do with.

mushrooms perhaps but it might have been. a bunch of other psychedelics too. They don't know what it was. I still. don't know what it is. Have you heard. the term? No. You never heard the term soma? Uh-uh. It's like an ancient term for. like some sort of a magical elixir. Am I. saying that right? Yeah I mean this when I Google it says. that it itself is also a god so I don't. even. Some drink is most famous I want some. Yeah ancient Indian drug soma. Oh this. is right down my alley. Made from a. plant called soma is a god and a drink.

that was used as an offering to the gods. in some Vedic rituals. Soma was. celebrated at an early period as shown. in the hymns of the Rigveda. Wow. From when? really oh [ __ ] thousands years ago. When was that? And they still use this. today? No it's just it you know it's Now it's. more of a term. like a term as like a soma is like a. thing that cures all a soma is a thing. that clears minds.

This doesn't say it's just a. Some you know there's various. interpretations to what it does. But it's kind of crazy that they they. named a muscle relaxant that like how. brazen how brazen. I bet you do feel. better though overall. Yeah my muscles are pretty relaxed all. the time yours aren't you you need a. muscle relaxer. What do those do to you. they just conk you out? me. play better golf cuz it takes the. tension out of my shoulders and my swing. yeah a lot of a lot of golfers use.

all kinds of meds to get loose or or. they actually go down to stretch lab and. and get those muscles all stretched out. so you can play. I've I've heard with. pool players Percocets is a big one. Well that's all nerves right I mean if. you can't Is that what Percocets do? Well yeah I think so you know calm your. nerves or deaden them or whatever you. know. I've never I've never taken it. I've been watching this this there's a. pool player that comes up on my feed now. and he's like an old kind of chubby fat.

Mexican looking guy and he's like the. greatest pool player that ever lived you. know. Efren Reyes. Is that who it is? From the Philippines. [ __ ] man. Yeah. I've been watching that guy play a. little bit once I once it gets on my. TikTok it starts feeding to me if I know. I eat it you know they'll they'll here. have another one have another one but I. liked watching the guy play [ __ ] pool. I'm just like god he's he's fearless. he's got ice water just pumping through. his veins you know. He's a wizard man. like a real wizard he does things on a. pool table there he is.

Yeah that guy right there that guy's all. over my TikTok feed now I can't get him. off. He does things on a pool table that are. like magical. How old is he? Well he's older now you. know he's probably in his late yeah like. 69 says. And do you still still play? He still. plays all the time they live stream. videos of him playing people down in the. Philippines. what I'm getting I think. Yeah so they have these setups like. Efren Reyes is you know. really arguably the greatest pool player.

in the history of pool players and he's. now still playing all the time online. and he plays online and he's not as good. as he was when he was in his prime. because he's you know he's 69 years old. it's a young man's game. Look at that. I. know I played pool my whole life we had. a pool table at my house when I was a. kid. and uh so so I I always like watching. you know trick players and people that. could uh you know run run the table and. do weird shots and stuff like that. This. guy changed the way people stroke the.

ball. He came along and he had this very loose. and relaxed hand grip on the cue. Right. whereas some of the American players. they were a little too tight with their. their hand on the cue and Efren came. along and it was like this flowing. sort of like almost like he was playing. a musical instrument. Right. And the way. he did it is so relaxed that his stroke. like the way the cue ball would dance. around the table was wild to watch man. Right maybe that's what I'm so intrigued.

about because I I don't know exactly. what I'm seeing but it when I was. watching it on that and you can see he. does have a. different motion into the ball it even. looks like you know with that. Well. you've played pool before. Yeah. Right. so if you played pool before you know. like when someone looks like they're. good like oh that guy looks like he. could play pool. You watch that guy and. you're like oh this is like a completely. different kind of thing. And then you would guess that that I I. would guess if I saw him on the street. that I could beat him at pool and and. then he would have all my money and I.

would go what the [ __ ] happened to me. just now. They brought him over to America under a. fake name to hustle with them. They. brought him over as Caesar Morales so. these backers they came from the. Philippines these dudes with big money. and they came to America and they. brought that dude. No [ __ ]. Yeah that's their killer and they. brought him. the pool world is so sneaky. that they brought him in under a fake. name because they didn't want people to. ask around back to the Philippines like. people to make calls to the Philippines.

hey who's this Efren Reyes guy and then. everybody would just say oh he's the. best he's the best so instead they just. came up with a name Caesar Morales. And. he won this giant tournament as Caesar. Morales it's like a famous. No [ __ ] I have a I have it on a t-shirt. that. Morales stuns field at Reds. So they just bring him in to like the. biggest pool tournament in the country. and this guy's just robbing everybody. Just robbing everybody just just getting. out in ways that people are like oh my. god.

like his stroke his knowledge of where. the ball's going the creativity. He's just a genius. Genius genius a virtuoso. Yeah. Well I actually knew nothing about him. because I. cuz my phone figured out that I liked. watching him. Right. Yeah. But you can. still tell you can still even though you. don't play a lot of pool you look at. that you can tell you're like wow. That's wild. Yeah I never played a lot. of pool I was never good I never had a. good eye for the for the game I played a. lot so I could play you know I could. beat my friends.

Yeah. but if somebody came in it's like. ping pong I could beat I beat the guys. on my block pretty bad but if somebody. came in that was a player they could. just push me around and shove me out of. the door. I've had a couple fun. opportunities to play like real pro pros. here. Like this guy Fedor Gorst he's the. probably number two or number three in. the world. Incredible player. And me and him played for hours here and. we're playing it's just it's wild just. to watch him in up close do things you. go what the [ __ ] like how are you doing.

that so effortlessly? Yeah it's like. watching a professional golfer when you. play golf you know. The smoothness and the precision it's. just like. [ __ ] man. Yeah that's that's why I watch the pro. golfers and I get to play with them. every once in a while and and it's. actually kind of like that guy's loose. thing you know that's how that golf. swing is it's really loose and it's and. it's and nothing's really connected hard. to anything and it's just the way it. comes through the ball and just some. something magic happens. Yeah, it's a. I'm trying to strangle the club and beat.

it to death and it doesn't work at all. and uh. I'm writing a book right now, 50 years. of bad golf, how I did it and like I had. a plan to do it this bad for so long. Tony says you play good. No, I. you know what that I'm back like I'm. like I was at anything. I can I can beat. guys my age if you don't know me and. we're playing golf together, I'll kick. your ass. But. but am I a player? No, there are guys 10. years older than me that could beat me. to death on a golf course, you know,

any of those old pro guys that I hook up. with every once in a while. Daily can. still beat me like a drum but. uh Isn't it interesting? It's like. there's. a control of a game like that. What an extraordinary talent because. it's all it's so variable. There's so. many things going on. You you you you. you you literally do never do the same. thing twice the whole time you play golf. your whole life because something's. going to be different about the wind and. the way and the where you want the kind.

of lie you got on the ground, what club. you need to get to that and. it's all a game of questions and you and. you rarely have the answer. Even Ben. Hogan who was arguably the best ball. striker ever said that in an average day. of golf he hits two shots the way he. wanted to exactly. And the rest of them. are close to that, you know, so his. misses are really good. So if I hit one shot a month that I. about that I'll go that was perfect and.

that's that's about how often I can do. it. Everything else is pretty good. It's such a fascinating game. Yeah, you don't have the time. You don't have the time. Nope. Nope. I. don't. No. I'm scared of it. Scared of love it. You would and but. you've always had that position, right? You've always kind of looked at golf. that's a that's what people that want to. get into golf they think about starting. it's a waste of time and money. You need. to understand that going into it. More.

time than you can ever imagine and you. have to settle with how good you want to. be because to be better than that you. got to spend hours and hours but you can. just if you can want to just rake it. around and gamble with your friends, you. know, you don't have to practice all. that much. quite a few comic buddies that I think. lost a little inspiration in their. career because they were spending so. much time playing golf. Yeah. Well, that's how I killed my days and I. I still do to this day, you know, when I. was on the road like you were. I don't. know what you were doing during the day.

but I was. I was trading tickets for. for free golf moving to wherever I could. and. So you just play everywhere you go. Yeah, we still do, you know, that's. That's nice. We travel at night, wake up. in a golf course, crawl out you're in. the parking lot, you know, it's like you. were FedExed over there. That's great. Crawl out of the box and play some golf, you know. Kill another day. Kill another day. You're over here building an empire. I'm killing another day. Yeah, but killing another day is sweet.

Yeah. To be able to do it that way. I. mean, what is life? What is life if not. enjoyment? It's all about love. Yeah. It's all. about love. How much do you love? How. much care you loved? You know, outside. of that nothing really means much but uh. Yeah. But that's you know, I it's a waste of. time or whatever. I can do charity. events with golf. People like to see me, you know, shake hands and I like doing. that kind of stuff. So you know. Well, you just love the game. I do love. the game. I watch it. I you know, it's.

because I play it, you know, it's like. like you in fighting, you know, exactly. because you know exactly what that is. that they're doing. You can't even. hardly explain it to me uh. even when you're trying to to make me. really understand what's going on. exactly when two guys are on the ground. and it looks like nothing's happening. and then you're losing your mind because. there's so many things happening. That's. a hard one to explain too because I'm. trying to explain it while it's actually. happening so I have to have the path. carved out in my head. Like especially. on like some transitions that guys do.

when they go in mount to rear naked. choke and I'm I'm I'm. trying to like set up what he's going to. do while not stepping on what they're. doing. You know, and then it's like this. weird. dance with the description of what's. happening in real time. Right, that's. why nobody can ever take your job. God, a lot of guys could do that. No, that's not true. guys could do that. That's not true. No, these guys are. awesome at it. If Rogan doesn't say it, it doesn't get said and that's true. That's how people feel, you know, sit. around waiting for you to tell them what.

to think and do and as far as fighting. goes, That's ridiculous. No, there's. there's guys that are better at it than. me. Like Dominick Cruz is better at it. from a technical standpoint than me. You know, he's he's. he was a UFC champion. He's had a [ __ ]. ton of fights. He knows a lot about the. technical details and explain things. he's not Joe Rogan. So it's not. it's not fun to hear. Yeah, for me the fun I get it but for me. the fun is the fight. The fun is the you. know, the who the [ __ ] knows what's. going to happen. You can tell that. You.

can see the joy in your face that it. brings you with you know, with all these. these [ __ ] events. Well, you get into. see the literally the greatest. fist fighters of all time. The greatest. stand up ground fighting MMA fighting. warriors of all time. They exist right. now. That's pretty exciting. And I get. that and I get that it's the ultimate. sport. Okay, I'll fight you. You know, that's how war should be. decided. One guy and one guy instead of.

we're going to take our lower middle. class, put them in a field with your. lower middle class, they're going to. kill each other. Now you ought to just fight me in the. [ __ ] alley. That's too difficult, Ron White. So. they'd rather just fight you with. narratives. Right. Fight you with mandates like the golf. I won't I won't listen to their. narratives. Yeah. That's how I defend. myself. I don't I'm really careful about. what information I let in my head. because I don't know what's going to. stew around in there. I hear you, man. I. hear you especially in this day and age.

and also there's like there's so much to. worry about. Every [ __ ] time I get on. the news and I start reading what's. happening in the world every day. It's. something new that's insane that you. have to worry about. I know and that's why I'm just real. careful about what news I let in my. head, you know. Don't let it in. And I've got you know, I've got news feeds on my phone that are. these are news organizations that I. trust that if something wacko in the. world's going to happen, it's news and. they're going to pick it up and but if.

it's something completely unverifyable. that I don't even need to [ __ ] know, they're not going to pick it up and so. but if I know when people go down that. [ __ ] dark road in the web, they come. out on the other side and sometimes. they're you can't get them back. You. know, they're full blown I got friends. that when I came back full blown QAnon, they believed it. Satan. they're Satan worshipping cabal of. Democrats that eat babies. I'm like, where are all the missing babies? You. know, you how many babies does it take.

to feed all the Democrats? If they're. all drinking the blood and the babies. there's going to be some missing babies, right? Somewhere? No. No, yeah, there's. they're from overseas. They'll they got some answer to anything. you throw at them. Tom Hanks I'm like, THAT'S NOT TRUE. TOM. HANKS STILL MAKING MOVIES. TOM HANKS. DIDN'T eat a baby. Yeah, he did. And. they believe it. Where did the Tom Hanks. one come from? I don't know. It just straight out of QAnon. It was it. was their basic doctrine in the. beginning was.

all these bizarre claims and I. I got a friend that says well, you met. her and I'm not going to say her name. but. it's I mean she believes this with all. of her heart. Right. All of her heart. and there's nothing I can do. to to to say, you know, I nothing I can do. Nothing you can do. to change her mind. I think at least a certain portion of. that. is other governments. [ __ ] with people in in these.

these chat. rooms. Absolutely it is. Yeah. And you. can sway the uninform They're not. uninformed, they're misinformed. Yeah. They're informed, you know, they're. taking in information but but but it's. just the wrong information and you can. be easily manipulated by that kind of. stuff. I mean, the human nature wants to. go where it finds comfort, you know. Yeah. And if somebody's feeding you what. you eat, you you'll go that way, you. know, even if it's not good for you. And. people have a very strong desire to like.

uncover mysteries. Right. You know, very strong desire to get to. the truth. Yeah. Because in in important. situations like so if there's something. real going on, that's that's a good quality. It's a. good quality to have. But if it's, you. know, they're eating babies. It's like okay. Right. What what's the benefit of eating. babies? Like why are they doing this? Oh. yeah, it gives them gives them some kind. of superpower, you know, it's so bizarre. and so off of any what I would consider. realm of possibility of even part of it.

being true. But you know, people go down there and. they'll see just a path of things that. lead them, you know, some of it true, some of it not true, not true, not true, not true and they'll head off down that. direction. They don't come back, you. know. They're you know, it can separate. families, man. You know, they don't talk to grandpa. anymore. He's gone off the [ __ ] deep. end. And you know what's really insidious. about that? Is that the more crazy ones that are out. there and the more people start linking.

them all together, the more real conspiracy sneak through. Because if you're if you wanted to hide. a real conspiracy, I would hide it in a bunch of other. [ __ ] conspiracies. I put a bunch of. [ __ ] ones out there and But make it. so that morons believe that Michelle. Obama has a dick. I would just pump it out everywhere. I'd. make fake videos. what that's exactly what's going on. That's what's going on. And But if you. did that though, then you could sneak in.

some real conspiracies and that. otherwise people would think, well. that's outrageous. That kind of. corruption would be uncovered. Right. That kind of corruption would be. prosecuted. And you're like, wait, no. one's going to anybody's getting busted. for this? This is what? Right. And nobody is. Right. So it's not. really happening. It's bananas. But in. and also people want to you know I I I. know because somebody that has no formal. education, right? I don't have any. formal education. I didn't make it. through high school. Uh my my favorite joke that I ever wrote.

was I do have a GED and if you don't. know what GED stands for, you probably. got one too. And that's one of my. favorite jokes. But um. you know, they they they would love to. have the answer to a question. You know, they would love to be able to make a. point of some kind. You know, they would. love to but they can't cuz they're you. know, they're just sitting around. watching other people do it and I'm. like, I wish I wish I could think of. something to say and I I can't think of. anything. Well, if there's somebody feeding them. something to say, now they get real loud. about it because they have a point to.

make even though they don't understand. it at all. They just know how to sound. like they're making a point like Lauren. Boebert or you know, or Marjorie Taylor. Greene or whoever. Uh they that's who they were and now. they feel like they can make a point so. they'll be a real [ __ ] loud about it. and and but if you've actually been. around a while, you just sit around and. shake your head and go, you're a goddamn. idiot. But. all you got to do is be the smartest. person in your region and boom, you're. in Congress, you know. They think she's smart as [ __ ] down.

there in that one little section of. Georgia where Marjorie Taylor is at up. It's. The problem with it is like how many. people that you know. want to run the government? How many. people do you know? How many I mean how. many people that you know that are like. really. healthy. clear thinking business-minded people. that have been successful that want to. run the government? Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. So you're not getting any of those. folks. No, you're not. And what you're.

going to get is you're going to get. their money. to influence things in the direction. they'd like to see it go without them. having to be there. doing day-to-day stuff on it. So they. can have influence on it but they don't. want to they don't do they want to be. the president of the United States? have it set up like a minor league? Like. they groom politicians, they get them to. a position and like I like how you stand. on this, but maybe if you stood a little. bit further on this line, we could. support you on this. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Grooming them for the big. stage. Just like you would do with like.

regional plays and then all of a sudden. you're on Broadway. Right. Well, that's. you know, that's the religious right, you know, they're you know, they wanted. they wanted somebody they want to get. rid of abortion. So what are they going. to do? They got to stack those courts. There you going to do. You're going to. Okay, we got there's a trillion of us. And we'll put you in office and we'll. just be but you got to. you got to put this judge here and this. judge there so what our thing comes to. pass. So that's just the way it works. I'm even more cynical. I I just can't. believe that human beings as a whole.

haven't resolved a bunch of different. things. There's a few there's a bunch I. don't I don't believe are really coming. back around. I think people are making this argument. that they're coming back around and. they're highlighting moments where it's. coming back around. Coming back around to what? I just don't. I just I mean I think this is one of the. weirdest times ever for human beings to. communicate.

And I think because there's so many of. us and there's so many people that are. talking and there's so many voices. and it's happening. on everyone's phone. and it's happening all over the [ __ ]. world all at once. Never been like this ever in ever in the. history and it makes you wonder where. it's going. I think it's. short-circuiting everything. I do too. It's short-circuiting our government. It's short-circuiting It makes me. nervous. And one of the things that. makes me nervous, this government that. we have, it's complicated. It it is.

complicated. So you just can't be some. douchebag on the side going, "I want. them out of there." You got to have a. plan cuz this thing's got to work. You. you want you don't want church. separation of church and state? Well, why don't you just move to Iran then? Because that's what happened over there. The religious right took over. Now our. laws are your laws. That used to be a. pretty normal place. People don't. believe that. But Iran used to be. [ __ ] strawberry rivers and [ __ ] and. normal people with jobs and. Ron, there were people that were willing.

to laugh at people's deaths because they. didn't want to get vaccinated for COVID. There were there were people like that. at the same time. thinking they're good people. Yeah. All on the internet. I know. I know, you know, when when it came to. all that stuff, you know, me, I don't. talk about politics on stage and I never. I never knew and I never will. And and. and it's not and you know, you just want. to be able to sell tickets to both. people but no. I want stand-up comedy to.

be a place where we can laugh. And I'm. going to do what I you know, I so I'm. not going to take a position I never. did. If I was a political commentator. before, okay, that's fine. If I'm not. Bill Maher. So I don't bring it into my show because. I want us all to come in and just be. able to [ __ ] laugh together and find. out how much that matters. And at the end of my shows now, I'm. reminding people that no matter what our. differences are, we just still came to. this room and we all laughed at the same. thing and we laughed hard and we loved. each other and we had a great. experience. Let's remember that. Let's. try to get back to that.

Right. You know, instead of all this all. these stupid little things that makes it. look like we have. it's like fake rivalries almost. It's. like it's not like you know, Texas and. Oklahoma. They're you're you they're the. same place. Exactly. There's no. difference between those two places and. they act like, well, we're Oklahoma. You're. And somebody put that in their head, you. know, and What I was getting at was that. if they're willing to do that over just. some issue of whether you want to or. don't want to get a vaccine, what would.

they do if they really believed that God. was on their side? What would they do in a really bad. Anything they could. when things go really bad. Anything they. could. power goes out for a while. Anything they could. Yeah. And and justify it. And and I and. that's what's dangerous is they. genuinely do believe That's what yes. that that we would be better off if we. did things like this Mhm. for sure under. these laws of God in this book. Uh the Bible and Jesus when you get back.

to his basic teachings that I really. dug, you know, which is love each other. Love love love. And wait a minute, that. was Lennon. The But still, Jesus was. singing a similar song about, you know, uh and and with a good positive message. and that message was always of love, you. know, back when I went to church and uh. you know, my uncle's still preacher to. this day, Dr. Charles Pirtle is still. preaching to the American Indians out in. Farmington, New Mexico for no money, you. know, has 23 people about it every.

service and then he goes to jails and. and he's 90 years old, you know, still. working to this day. Still. knocking it out for the Lord. And uh and. he used to be the president of the. Southern Baptist Convention. Uh my my uncle did. So that's a very. powerful position and then he fell out. of favor with them cuz he just didn't. believe in some of the doctrine and. and then he started he showed up at my. grandmother's birthday party on a Harley. with no shirt on. I'm like, oh no, John.

Uncle Charlie's gone nuts and uh. so he went down to Corpus, I think it. was and he started this. kind of like gospel according to Charlie. thing and and then. he was just a kind of a phase he went. through and then he, you know, but now he he he's uh. still believes in in that basic doctrine. and. and I love him to death. He's one of my. favorite people. I'll talk to him all. day long, you know, I just he's a. treasure. He really is. And he's just a.

sweetheart of a guy about all about, you. know, love and sweetness. That's awesome. His wife died and. and I asked him, I said, "Did your. knowledge of of God and Jesus and did. that help you with her death?" And he. goes, "Nope. Not a bit. It hurt and it hurt and I hated and I. didn't understand it. I was like. everybody else, you know." Yeah. Didn't. even help. So. now but that's just how honest he is. So. Wow.

Uncle Charlie. Isn't it fascinating how. much religion's practiced by so many. different people in so many different. ways? And yet if someone tried to start a new. one right now good [ __ ] luck. Good. luck. The the the feds would investigate. you. Immediately. If you start If you. start your own religion, if you bought. some land out in Bastrop. Right. and the the Ron White Church And you're. already thinking about doing this, aren't you? You're just putting my name. on it. I know what you're doing. I'm not interested in any of those.

activities. I'm not either. But if you did. I would get my uncle to come run it. They would but you would 100% get. investigated. Hell yeah, I would. But if. you wanted to open up a Catholic church. if you said you converted to Catholicism. and you wanted to open up a Ron White's. Catholic Church. Right. With a mission. Respectable position to take, Ron. Good. good for you. Congratulations on. converting. It's hard to get new money. It is. Yeah, you can't start you can't have a. be a startup in the religion world. I. think that's what I generally found out. It has got to be a hook to a brand of.

some sort. You have to be in business with the big. guys. You can't you can't I mean. like Scientology, that's you could you. could you can get wild and go with them. or you know, Mormons, you get wild go. with them but if you just want to like. go like straight Christian is like a. very acceptable pathway. You yeah you you and you. and I can get along with you if if. you're Scientology that was really hard. for me to swallow but it it is just. difficult. Let me ask you this like what. are the standards like say if you wanted.

to start a church? Like if you were. legitimately. committed to the Bible and you became. like a Bible scholar. really done is write science fiction. novels. No no no no that's that's that's. that's that guy that's the Scientology. guy but I'm saying if you wanted to. start a church like a church a Christian. church. What would be the requirements? If you just say you know I've been. studying the Bible for 10 years I want. to teach at a church. Could you just. open up a church? How does that work? I don't you're.

you're you're asking me this like I've. done it but Stop I'm trying to get you. to do it that's the next thing I'm. trying to get you to do it. Yeah I know. what you're up to. That's how you. manipulate people Joe. That's that's how. he built his empire by the way. You look. like a Jesus type figure. What are the requirements Jamie if I if. you wanted to start a church of Jamie? question for chat GPT I thought so I. asked chat GPT and there are 12 steps it. gave me. 12 steps. Determine your. purpose and beliefs clearly define the. purpose and beliefs of your church this. includes your mission vision and core. doctrines.

Two legal structure choose a legal. structure for your church options may. include becoming a non-profit. organization establishing a religious. corporation or forming a religious. association. Consult legal experts to. determine the best structure for your. situation name okay so it seems like you. just have to like get a legal thing you. know like you would like some sort of an. LLC or something whatever. do you want it you what you want is a. tax exempt status and the rest of it. doesn't really matter get that tax. exempt status then you can start. hoarding wealth in the name of Jesus.

Christ of the latter-day saints or. whatever and you can hold all these. billions of dollars in real estate. holdings all under that tax exempt. status. If they start you know the this is the. only thing that gets me going is big. church big church. We need to tax big church and. and and and those pastors those mega. churches they need to be looked at under. the biggest brightest light you can look. at Joel Osteen [ __ ] you Osteen. I tried.

he said it right here first that. the Mattress Mack's makes a much better. to me if you want an example of how. Christ wanted us to live it would be. Mattress Mack's and not Joel Osteen. I. don't know who Mattress Mack's Well he's. the guy that bets a 10 million bucks on. the. on the Astros every year and wins. he this is how he got famous that's. Mattress Mack's right there. He during the big floods in Houston that.

just a few years ago. when there here's two things that. happened. Mattress Mack's people were literally. dying in the street Mattress Mack's. owned these huge furniture stores. Come up here he opened them up sleep on. them couches I don't care and I'll find. a way to make food for you guys and I. mean people bringing hot dogs and [ __ ]. down there making everybody food sleep. just make sure you're comfortable make. sure you're safe. And and. look at this this is it all these people. over at Mattress Mack's furniture store.

he brought in everybody he could. But Joel Osteen wouldn't even let them. in the door because they just had the. carpets redone at his cathedral church. and he didn't want people to track and. [ __ ] in there. Didn't he eventually give in though and. let people stay there? I don't think so. I thought he did. I don't think well if. he did he did it for the wrong reason. right Mattress Mack's did that for the. right reason these people needed to get. in out of the cold and the wet and. whatever. There he is. There he is. He defended not opening.

Lakewood Church in Houston to Harvey. victims he defended it. Yeah. yeah because of that carpet was just. cleaned and look at him. Bro that's so. crazy. Yeah look at him look at him. It's so obvious like doing something. like that is so obvious you have a. private jet that's it's so obvious you. have a mansion it's so obvious. How much is that watch this is so. obvious what you're doing is so obvious. this this is not He did eventually.

correct. Wait do you see him weeks after that. post? The super duper rich church guy. it's the [ __ ] crazy thing. I know. and you know that I could do it. I I. could totally do it that would be my. calling and That's what I'm saying you. should do it. And I'm not going to mean. I should do it. Yes listen if you do it we'll all join. we'll all get a nice tax free something. we'll work something out. Right and. it'll just be us. And that's. But we got a great [ __ ] we can we. bring the 11 million people that listen.

to your show under We got everybody. under one umbrella. Come on guys come on. get behind this we don't even know what. it is yet but we're going to let you. know. That's the thing you could never do. today. Like imagine trying to start a. new country today [ __ ] you we would. never let you. No uh-uh. Never. No we'd. thumb you. Yeah get the [ __ ] out of here. it's like just like you trying to start. a new religion uh-uh. Nope. Nope no new countries no new religions. We're not hearing it. Religions have to be old as [ __ ] so they.

might be true. Right or at least have some kind of. connection to some really ancient text. Yeah or or this you do the Scientology. one they just threatened to sue. That was a genius move what they did was. amazing. They they threatened thousands. of lawsuits everyone was going to file a. lawsuit. They're all lawyers and the. same with those [ __ ] latter-day. saints guys those are you got a bunch of. lawyers. You got to give it up to them I. mean that's pretty ball pretty ballsy.

Yeah and and you're selling a. something that's not easy to sell you. know they got to that story I mean none. of it is you know the. the stories I believed well that's why I. wrote that beautiful joke that. and about the Christians and the lions. and the and let me break that down for. your listeners. The. cuz I'm writing apparently I'm writing. my worst stuff right now cuz I've now I. can write stuff that nobody will laugh. at out of 250 people 250 people don't. laugh and but when I was a kid I was.

raised in the Baptist church Uncle. Charlie my preacher when I was little. and so but there was a storybook. wasn't the Bible but it was just. something we got in Sunday school or it. depicted. Christians being fed to the lions which. always stuck in my craw that that was a. big story a big deal I mean you know I. don't I know we've all been oppressed. but feeding them to the lions that's. pretty big deal. And I really thought it was universal. knowledge so when I we're looking for a. new name for the Washington Commanders I. suggested the Christians.

because when and and and I thought about. this joke for three days and I thought. about the build-up of laughter was going. to get it was going to work so well and. they were going to end up changing the. name of the comedy club to Ron White's. mothership because of this one joke and. how well it worked. But the way that it was going to start. the rumble was going to start as I just. said when when Detroit comes to town. they're going to make the connections of. Detroit lions lions Christians my. storybook from my childhood and that's. what that's the rumble of the really hip. laughter. And cuz when the lions get.

back to the that's the next laugh was. going to be. when the lions meet the Christians on a. plebeian playing field where you know so. none of it got a laugh and none of it. none of it worked and they were stared. at me and they were a good crowd too. they were waiting for the next funny. thing that I said. And and that was it and I really was. expecting it and it just I was never. been so wrong about a joke. you're just old enough to where you're. like over that curve where the. Christians and the lions were more. recent than they were?

Yeah I just don't think everybody got. that storybook. Nobody gets that anymore. No I didn't. well obviously. I got it I got Christians and lions. Yeah. I got that connection I don't. think kids get that connection. would have told me not to do it which. was a lie because you would have told me. to do it cuz you want me to try new. [ __ ] Always wanted to try I just I was. joking around when I said don't I would. have told you not to do it I was joking. You would have told me to do it and you. would have been wrong. But you told me. it bombed before I even found out about. it. I did bomb so bad it was so. laughably I laughed so hard at how wrong.

I was. That's how little. you [ __ ] around and find out. Isn't that. the truth? That's how you I mean bits are. fascinating they change they change. their structure like on stage. do five minutes now on why that joke. didn't work and but that would be way. more entertaining than the joke ever was. you know. Show up Tuesday. Dude I was watching a video today of. this lion gone wrong situation in a a. circus. Woof. Oh my god.

These people this lion attacked this. dude and they're hitting it with a hose. I mean this guy's getting [ __ ] up by. this lion and they're spraying it with a. hose to get it off that's what they get. it off with the water hose. And he gets. away and then a lion gets him again and. the lion gets him again and they're. water hosing it and they're beating him. footage of this? Yeah there's footage of. it it looks like it's Russian. Um if you don't find it Jamie I I'm 99%. sure I saved it on my phone cuz it's so. [ __ ] up.

But I'd have to go through it that would. be some dead air. Russian hose. I forget. who sent it to me. You don't edit these. things do you? No I got it. The podcast. no I wanted to be like this. Right right right. Yeah I want I like a little dead air. this is it so something happened. Oh it's a circus thing. Yeah something happens this lion just. decides e [ __ ] nuff. I mean this thing just jacks this dude. that's what happened to you know. And see they're spraying him with a hose. to try to get him off and this guy got. [ __ ] up.

I mean he got [ __ ] up by those lions. That is so scary to have a thing crazy. Are you [ __ ] crazy? That happened in that room that I played. at the Mirage. That was that that was. their room, man. That's where that whole. thing went down. Yeah, it dragged him off. Bit bit him by the neck and dragged him. off. In front of a live audience. It's. all a speculation to why it did it. All.

the specu- No one knows. Right. No one. knows. It just decided I'm going to bite. this guy's neck and drag him off. There. was a thought that it was afraid of some. woman had feathers on her hat in the. audience. And that it threw him off. And. I'm like, you really think that [ __ ]. tigers are scared of a lady with. feathers on her head? That doesn't make. any sense. Yeah, I think it just decided. to bite that guy's neck. But I'm not a tiger. Maybe that guy would have been a was. being a prick. You know, under the guise of being an.

animal lover, but at night he was like. going, "Don't give him the expensive. food." And you know, Well, maybe it was. It was probably punishment. It's. probably what they do to the tigers to. get them to listen. Right. You know, like what did they do when they were. training them? You know, did they ever. cross the line with a tiger? Always. remember the time you hurt it and then. it lashes out at you. Yeah, I'm going to. find a [ __ ] opportunity. I'm going to. sit here. Yeah, you'd think the tigers. don't have memories. be served cold, baby. It's going to be. served cold. It seemed like for the most. part they got along with those tigers.

for a long time though. That's what's. weird. at their house, right? Siegfried and. Roy, they lived at their house. They. were at one with them. They [ __ ]. cuddled them and loved on them. And they. do say that tigers, when they protect. their cubs, that's that's how they do. it. They grab them by the neck and they. drag them off. But he's just too frail. for it to do that, too. It just [ __ ]. him up. Yeah, right. No, and and that. those were big men, big strong men. I. mean, he was a. you know, these guys were weightlifters. and circus. saying people, but nothing compared to. that [ __ ] lion.

You're not a cub. A lion cub, like the. way a lion picks up the cub, it has all. the skins. So, it grabs all that extra. skin. You don't have any skin, so it. just grabs your [ __ ] neck. It's all vital organs. It's It was a shame that he, you know, he lived a long time as a as a crippled. person. He did. He lived several years, right? So, it was just a horrible story, man. And that they the show was shut down. Cuz like that's the reality of having.

tigers on a stage in front of a bunch of. people. Like you just don't know. It's. just for one reason or another, some. crazy person could stand up and freak. out and yell and the thing could just. launch itself at them. Is this it? The question is Oh, don't. you show it to me, son of a [ __ ]. What could go wrong? Everything. You got to ask yourself that question. What could go wrong? Cuz that might. Oh, he said this What do you mean he was. saying something about his diminishing. relationship with that lion? Or tiger? from 4 or 5 years ago. I was trying to. see if it had.

an answer to all the questions you guys. are asking. But it said something about his. diminishing relationship with it. Oh my. god, he rode it like a horse. There's. speculation on from someone they asked. on this. Yeah, like an ex-employee or something. I think I saw that. He. was going The tiger and him were not. getting along? I That's again, it's a speculation. This. is says new allegations about the. attack, which is. This would have been like 15 years after. the attack even happened. Dude, almost. nothing scares me more than animals. Right. I'm so scared of them. That's. why, you know, that's that's why you go.

out of your way to to kill them when you. can. And Well, those are I'm not scared. of those. Although You should be. You. boars? Don't you hunt boar? Yeah, I do. Yeah, those things can kill you, Joe. They definitely can. Yeah. They can. I'm thinking elk more. The the the boar thing in Texas is. [ __ ] bananas. I just love it when. they catch them all in them cages. That's And and then what do they do with. them? They Can you eat them? And is it. just pig meat, right? Yeah, it's pig meat. It's just pork. You make really good. bacon and [ __ ] out of it. Why are there.

any homeless hungry people It's a good. question. those wild boar all over the place? Wild. boar are very good. Very good. Um. there's a guy in town. Jesse Griffiths. He owns Diep Duy. restaurant and he's like a real wild. game cooking expert and amazing chef. Yeah. And he has wild boar dishes at his. He even teaches people how to hunt wild. boars, cook them, and and how to hunt. them down, how to fire rifle, the whole. deal. Takes them through the whole. thing. Butcher them, skin them, eat. them, [ __ ] them into their commode. [ __ ].

with me. He's like, "They're delicious.". [ __ ] with me. But it's also it's it's a. not just a renewable resource, but you. really we have an obligation to kill. them. There's too many. Yeah, they're they're [ __ ] up land. and Oh, there's an insane There's. millions and millions of them in Texas. And they keep They have babies three. times a year sometimes. They can have. babies when they're 6 months old. Can I tell you a story about a frog? Yeah. I lived on a lake, like LBJ, in this. house and there was a frog, big.

bullfrog. And he was lived by my pier. And I would go out there and I would see. him and he'd always jump in the water. And and then but he was that's where he. lived. He was always a big old fat. thing. That this big biggest bullfrog. I'd seen. And I'd go down there and fish. and then I'd come back there and then. one night he didn't jump. He stayed. there. And I'm like, "Oh, he's not afraid of me. anymore." The next night I brought a net. down and I caught him and I killed him. and ate him and I [ __ ] him into my. toilet. And and the other frogs went out and.

told other frogs, "Don't go near there. because that's what's going on. He's. He's just waiting for you to be still. and he's going to kill you and eat you. and [ __ ] you into his toilet You think. they figured that out? I think they did. I didn't see any more frogs after that. After the missing of that one frog. Yeah, I bet if you started feeding them, they'd be hanging around. But if you. start killing them, Yeah, right. Right, they're they're going to they're. It's not going to catch on. Do you think. they do a roll call? Try to figure out. where everybody is? Cuz some animals do.

that. Do they really? Yeah, maybe that's what frogs are doing. They're. Greek Greek Greek Greek. Greek. Uh-oh, where's Toby? Yeah, what are they doing. when they're doing those noises? Those. noises are cool as [ __ ] by the way. If. you ever buy a lake at night and hear. frogs making noises, Oh. So cool. Really? We had those little frogs where. I lived in Atlanta. You know what we. did? We would gave They were. with a mouth that big on a little frog. barely that big, making this big old. loud noise. It bugged the [ __ ] out of. me. And you could They were easy to. catch cuz you go there with a flashlight. cuz they don't know that you can see.

them, you know, and they're making all. that racket. You can just pick them up, put them in a can. And then we would. take them to this guy I didn't like, had. a pond right behind his house and we'd. go dump them all over there and he's. like, "I don't frogs around here. They're [ __ ] all over the making all. this racket." Yeah, I don't know. Not. over at my house, they're not. Yeah, that's that one of those little. This is night music, Ron. Uh that's not the ones we had. We had. ones where. Well, you just need to put together a. better band. Yeah. Well, they're going to put that band.

together over at that pond behind that. guy's house because that's where they. all live now. Think about frogs, like. they're very predatory. Like frogs, you ever seen frogs in like. a cage with mice? It's one of the most disturbing things. you'll ever see in your life. No, I've never seen that. giant Asian frog. I had it on my. Instagram. Um it's on YouTube. This is giant some. kind of Asian frog. That one the second. one down. Yeah, this the. The the yellow where is yellow? Watch. this one. This one is [ __ ] insane.

This frog's insane. So, they put these. little rats. I can't tell if they're. mice or rats. Those are mice, right? Yeah. Mice. They look like mice. Okay, so they put these mice in this [ __ ]. No, those are rats, man. Those are. little rats. Yeah, those are rats. Yeah, okay. And then they put this giant frog in. there with them. And I don't know why they all They're. trying to jump and get out and all of a. sudden the frog just decided to start. eating them. I think. I think they're trying to just trying to. get out. But look what he does. It's.

He's a monster. This is like a Star Wars. monster. Oh my god. Oh, dude, he He eats them all. Jabba the. Hutt. Yeah, exactly. He He eats them. all? This one's not effective. I've seen. I think he's probably already full. They. probably Look how fat he is. They. probably filmed these all day long. God, how cruel. But he. the one that I saw, he ate them Has. anybody tried to put a stop to this? Nobody's putting a stop to it. Nobody. cares about the rats or the frogs. Rats or frogs get no.

We'll make that part of our religion. Isn't it funny though, like if the. rat was eating the frog, I'd be more. disturbed. Oh my god. Look at how gross that thing is. Yeah. Look at it. Look at how big it is. I've. never even seen a frog shaped like that. Oh, look at it. Slow motion. Yeah, come on over here. Yeah, let me tell you something. I got a. little story for you. It seemed like the rat ran right in. there. Like, [ __ ] it. Let's just get. this over with.

Oh my god, what a way to die. Your your balls hanging on the chin. of a thing that's swallowing you. Look. at HIS LITTLE BALLS. OH, THE LAST DYING QUIVER. OH, BRO, he's. going to stay alive inside that thing's. Do not let your children watch this. This is really really gross. Yeah, I've. I'm trying to unsee it and I can't do. it. I can't do it. That's what happens. That's nature, man. That's part of the Joe Rogan experience. right there. That's nature. That's why. you shouldn't have crocodiles in the.

street. That's why you shouldn't import wolves. in your neighborhood. That's right. That's why you shouldn't bring grizzly. bears back to California. My mother Slow. down, everybody. My mother wants a. uh you know, and you know how low things. got with mom. Now, I want a cat. And I'm. like, "No. Mother, you can't have a cat. Genie's. allergic to cats." Now, I want one of. those Bengal cats that are. hypoallergenic. Oh my god. For my. mother, my nice 90-year-old mother. And. yeah, I think they're pretty good-sized.

cats, like 15-20 lbs. And I'm like, "No." She said, "I want. you to get me a. Bengal cat for my 90th birthday." And I. said, "Mother, number one, I'm not. advancing you any more birthdays. You. got to show me the number. You got to. get to the number before you get your. 90th. I'm not fronting you any 90th. birthday, but I'm not You have to get to. that number to get that present cuz you. already got them, you know, you already. advanced all you can. So. So, if she Once she lives to be 90, she. might get a. Wow. Just a few months away.

Am I thinking of the same kind of cat? Like which ones are the which ones are. Bengals? It's a horrible idea. There's. some of them that are they're basically. like a wild cat. Yeah, well, they're not. very many generations removed, I think, is the problem. And I think they're. perfectly good cats, but they're really. big and they're really a lot of energy. I thought I think they're kind of. different cuz you can take them out on a. leash and stuff. My mother didn't want. to do that. She I'm like Take it on a. leash. what? Or something. A little lap dog. She wants to be. Am I [ __ ] this up? Is it like Is it. the same thing? Is a Bengal the same.

thing as those other ones that like I. think they're called Bengal kittens, you. know, they Yeah, that's it right there. Bengal cat. Okay. Yeah, so they're cool. So, that's a regular cat. So, I'm. thinking of that. I'm thinking of a. serval. Oh, yeah, no. Okay. So, what is a Bengal. cat just a cat, right? Is that just a. cat? Yeah, but it comes from the Bengal. tiger. And you know, they're just a handful. You know, it's not like a big old floppy. lap cat. These cats, you know, they care. They're big tiger killers. They got to.

be involved in stuff. They got a lot of. energy. They're big and strong. So, they're up to like, you know, 15-20 lbs, I think. Look at the description. The. Bengal cat is domesticated cat breed. created from a hybrid of the Asian. leopard cat with domestic cats, especially the spotted Egyptian Mau. Mhm. So, that Yeah, there you go. I was In my. head, I was like, I think I [ __ ] up. and it's the wrong one. That one is. crazy. I've seen people have that one as. a pet.

There's You have? Yeah. Yeah. Did Jon. Jones have one of those as a pet? That's. just a lion. Didn't he have a crazy cat? I think he's got one of these. What does. he have? Oh, yeah. What What kind What. kind is that? That looks like that. Bengal cat. Yeah, it does look more like. that than the serval cat. It says. serval, though, doesn't it? I typed that. in. I don't I was. Oh. What kind of [ __ ] cat is that? I. don't know. Does it have a jacket on? Yeah, it's got like a [ __ ] leash. That's a big ass cat. Yeah. Bro, I would. not Donald, careful Donald.

Mother's. Mother's 90. That's not what she wants. And she's cuz she can get so stubborn. It could be awesome. I want a cat. It. could be awesome. It could be the. greatest cat of all time. Or it could be. it decides to [ __ ] you up. And when you. get into it, yeah. You know, she couldn't defend. herself if it went nuts on her. That's. what our story was earlier today in the. episode. Yeah. People getting eaten by. tigers. Mhm. First responders when they find bodies. after people have died in a house with.

cats. It doesn't take long for the cat to. start eating. They don't give you a whole lot of time. for they start eating you. Oh, mama. Yeah. Dogs will wait. They will. Yeah, dogs will wait until. they're starving to death or dying. They. don't even associate you with the you. anymore. You're just meat and they have. to stay alive. Cats are like, "I'm. hungry. Yeah. I'm going to eat Ron's. lips." Right? Getting eyeballs, nostrils. It's a. fascinating relationship that we have to. these small animals. Like I was saying.

about your beautiful dog that you you If. you trace the lineage back of that. thing, that used to be a wolf. Somehow. or another, they went from wolves to. like more of a floppy eared animal to. more of an animal that was like smaller. that hung around and then they figured. out how to All the way to a rug that. shits. That's what I own. That's a rug. that shits. Like how the [ __ ] did they. do that? So, if you die in a home that's locked. with animals, those animals will eat you. really fast, especially a cat. Dogs will.

hold out until they have nothing left to. eat, but a cat will remove your head in. 24 hours. Wow. OH MY GOD. WHAT KIND OF. LOYALTY? THEY got over all that love. quick. That cat never loved you. Oh my. god. If they can eat your head in 24. hours, that cat never loved you. It was. just a I need food. I'm going to be. nice. He had a corner on his watch. you. to [ __ ] die. I think I explained it. to him. Oh, the corner was telling him? Yeah. Like the Yeah, I think he has to. like what kind of [ __ ] up [ __ ] have. you seen? He's like, "Animals." Well, did you play that? Play that right where. he's saying that. It will remove your.

head within 24 hours. It was right. before that. And back it up before that. Back it up. before that. Well, well, so if you die in a home. that's locked with animals, those. animals will eat you. really fast, especially a cat. Dogs will. hold out until they have nothing left to. eat, but a cat will remove your head in. 24 hours. And I'm not talking I'm. talking literally hair on the floor, no. head, and nibbling into their chest. Even cats that were loved by their. owners or is it just cats that.

you think were had something with the. owner and they're and they're going to. say, "This is my time." Yeah, no, they're they're absolutely feeding on. you. You know, I don't care how much you. love that cat and that cat loved you, he's going to eat you. And I just never never imagined that. they could do that much damage. You. know, smaller dogs. Now, a lab a lab. won't A labs for some reason don't eat. their owners, you know, unless they're. locked in for months. I guess they. would, but I find it more weenie dogs, small dogs, and cats. Cats Cats don't.

They don't wait. And how how soon after. I don't know. I don't know if I believe. the guy now. Why? Cuz I bet he has a lab, so he had to say. labs wouldn't eat you. I mean, what what makes a lab different. than my sweet little Maddie? He's saying. Maddie would go after you after a little. while, but but the lab Come on. Yeah, why would they think that the. Maybe he means like Chihuahuas or. something like that. Like or little Jack. Russell terriers. They'll [ __ ] you up. quick.

But like what is what's the the data on. that? Do the labs really eat you when. you die? I think he's going off of his. experience. I don't know. I was trying. to I don't know where he gets his. expertise. Yeah. I'm not I'm not seeing. this on NPR. This is not coming on on my. newsfeed. That's why I was also kind of. making that point. When I Googled that. and typed it in, it gives me like a. TikTok fun fact. Like that's the fact. that Google gave me, which was a fact. from Theo's podcast. And that's like the. top result. And then they're calling it. a fact? I I mean, well, I do know for a. fact that cats eat people. Yeah, that. Well, that makes sense. I mean, that's.

happening all the time. I know people who have. found people that where they got, you. know, where they're cops, where they. found people that were. partially eaten by their cats. That's 100% real. That was a fun show. They did that show for the cops. Man, that was so much fun. Three cops got. thrown out. That's right. They came to party, folks. They came to have a good time. They did. come to party. That was a lot of fun. That was a good [ __ ] time. And those people don't get appreciated. enough and No, and that's the truth. They don't get appreciated enough and if.

things go south, they're going to be the. first people you call and you've been. disrespecting them for so long and not. appreciating how hard it is what they do. for so [ __ ] long. And that doesn't. That doesn't excuse the bad ones. That's. not No, it doesn't. It's just you can't. lump everybody in with that same group. cuz most of them are great. You You got. to have these guys. You got to have this. team, man. And it ain't the greatest job in the. goddamn world. It sure is dangerous. And. some of them thrive on that kind of. environment and that's great. I don't.

And so, I need, you know, and it was it. was just it was so cool to be able to. make them laugh that hard cuz, you know, we had the death of that. cop not too long ago, you know, that. That's been a pretty dour place to work. That's what the guy was telling me, the. chief of police. They said, you know, they hadn't been laughing, you know, they hadn't been That's really got. everybody down and kept them down. And. so, that was cool. That was so much fun. Yeah, it was fun. It was a real fun to. do. Yeah, it's it's.

you know, We should have started a church that. night. We could have started We had a. place to go. We got to plant these seeds. carefully. And this is what we're doing. today on the podcast. We're planting. seeds. You can't just go out there and just dig. a trench. Then the government starts. getting involved quickly. You got to. like slowly plant seeds. Based on a a. story of love. And mutual respect. It would be great if we could buy into a. franchise like Chick-fil-A, you know, or. something You know what I mean? Close on Sunday. Just.

Just buy into something. that's pre-existing. You know, doing church Our challenge is. going to be starting from scratch. Yeah, just the the church of Ron White just. from scratch. It's going to be It's. going to be under a lot of scrutiny. No, dude. It's a It's a Joe Rogan Ron White. church. I ain't doing this by myself, man. But it's kind of funny. It really. is kind of funny that if we did just. both of us become Christian and then. open up a Christian church, no problems. at all. You know, I got like 3 million. followers. I wonder how far they would. actually follow if I started leading a.

church. You don't even want 3 million. If you get 300,000 to move into a a town. that you've created in the middle of the. desert. Right. Right. I mean, there's that Portland movie, the. the the Netflix series Wild Wild. Country. They They literally bought into a town. AND IT WASN'T THAT BAD. YOU KNOW, THAT'S. WHAT. I think it was you that said that. They. always sound pretty good. You know, YOU'RE LIKE, "I CAN DO THIS." And then. you know, then it gets soaring. You I. can't Nobody can handle that kind of. power. And that kind of focus of energy.

And we Yeah, you're the guy You're the. guy without It corrupts. It corrupts. They're They're literally bestowing the. word of God and the the meaning of life. and the meaning of the universe in front. of their loyal following. Right. This. guy's got 31 Rolls-Royces, by the way. And. they're just happy when he gets another. one. He was funny, though. He was the. funny funny dude. He was. He was You. know, I would have listened for a while, you know. You ever hear that thing that.

famous thing that he said about. democracy? You remember? It's by people but the. people are [ __ ]. So it is. So you get this [ __ ] guru. You get. this guru tell saying that everyone's. [ __ ] You got to see this. This was. the dude. This was the [ __ ] dude. Because democracy basically means.

government. by the people. of the people And he works slower than I. do. He does but it's good. I would listen to. that. These people are [ __ ]. Yes they are. Yes they are. No, he goes. on even further. This is a small version. of it. He continues on. It's the.

government of the [ __ ] Oh for the. [ __ ]. And this is the guru that was running. that town up there. That was the guy. And he was the guy with 31 Rolls-Royces, right? Yeah, he was balling out of control. He. was balling out of control. Going nuts. He probably would have. pulled it off if it wasn't for Sheila. Sheila was so ruthless. Right. She's terrifying. She was the one that got the guns out, right? one that poisoned the whole town. Oh she. got in the town Oh the the city. Yeah. Not them. No, they poisoned they. poisoned like a salad bar or something,

didn't they? I don't know. something like that? they blew something up. They did a bunch. of [ __ ] They brought in homeless people. for votes. I mean they they went wild. They went. wild in the end. They brought in. homeless people in buses so the homeless. people become part of their community. and they would have more votes. And then. they took over the [ __ ] town. And. then they're like adios homeless [ __ ]. And they kicked the homeless people out. Government by the [ __ ].

by the [ __ ]. of the [ __ ]. I mean that dude believes what he's. saying. Democracy cannot be. I believe what he's saying. the highest.

possibility. man can attain. He's just blinking for the first time. I. was asked if he hasn't blinked. Wow. Yeah, he's probably the real deal. He's. probably the real deal but he had Sheila. behind him and she just got crazy and. started killing folks. Rolls-Royces to keep it out of the news, you know. You got to. get a couple of them, man. 31 But if you're the real deal, if you. really are a super guru and you want 30. Rolls-Royces, I think you can do it in.

that space. Yeah, in that space. space, I don't think so. They're doing it. They got you know. Gulfstream 650s, you know, you you can. buy 30 Rolls-Royces. I'm just saying. it's very it's harder to connect with. the message. Cheaper, right? There's something about that dude, the. way he was willing to talk. Like that. guy Osho, his book is really brilliant. He there's a an audio version of one of. his books that I got into. It's. interesting, man. It's his thoughts are. very interesting. 93 cars. He had 93. cars. It's only 93, Ron. 93?

had 93 cars. So he had a nice fleet of. He loved his Rolls-Royces. He did. Yeah. But right, you know, if he's the guy, you want him to have everything, you. know, if you believe he's the guy and. You can be this is what I believe. I. think you can be both. I think you can be this crazy 93. Rolls-Royce having [ __ ] lunatic who. lives in a castle that's made out of. diamonds in the sky. And you got money. from your followers and also. to be tuned into the real thing.

To read the real energy of the universe. I don't think you can. I think you can. I think you can dance. Power corrupts. absolutely. For most people. For most. people. But if you're a real super guru, like a hedonist super guru. Cuz one of. the things about a lot of those like. like crazy super guru type characters, like there's always some sexual aspect. to it. It's always some sexual freedom. and sexual expression. And they [ __ ]. hook, line and sinker believe in that. [ __ ]. guy that owned that building that you.

almost bought for no reason. Exactly. Exactly. The Ron White recommendation. Ron White. recommended that I buy a cult building. and I listened to him. Yeah, see? See? It would have worked. It would have. worked. It would have worked. That was a. cool building and it would have worked. You would have made it work, that's for. sure. And we would have all supported it. and it would have been fine. It wouldn't. have been as good though. Location wise. wouldn't have been as good. This This is. This turned out to be heaven. So we. can't second guess anything that went. down before it or after it or whatever.

I feel like it lined up in the exact. correct order. Like the universe opened. up all the doors in the exact correct. order. Like I feel like the failed experiment. with that other place or the you know. the frustration in having it not come. together was a good. like a lesson a good lesson in like how. like real estate deals can go and how. you know all the issues with property. Right, how careful you need to be. a lot of stuff going on when you're.

buying stuff. And sometimes you got to. experience a failed deal and go okay. that didn't work. Maybe this maybe this is better. And you were kind of impetuous so you. needed something to slow you down a. little bit cuz you were going you were. going pretty nuts. With with decision. I mean I talked to. you one day, you were thinking about. moving to Austin and the next day you. lived there. You had a house on the. lake. You moved your studios. Like god. damn this guy moves. Yeah, I'm not I'm not interested in. half-assing things. No no no no. I went right along with it. That's.

what's the fun part about it. It's like. a change like that is a big deal. Well, if you it really if you look at it and. I'm pretty emotional about the. mothership but if you look at it. it was. it was the only thing. that could have got me where I am today. Nothing no other vehicle would have. worked because I wouldn't have been. interested in it. I would have been. interested in me being alone and. isolating myself and all those things. But the mothership.

was that thing that was so delicious and. so perfect for what I needed at that. point in my life. I think the universe. used you. just to get me. back out of this [ __ ] hole that I was. in, you know, you know where I was at. You know I was in a shitty [ __ ]. place. And I needed I didn't know what to do. I. didn't know where to go. I didn't I. didn't know what to do with my emotions. I didn't know what to do with my. you know, doubting everything about my. talent and all this stuff and.

yeah, so. nothing else would have got me where I. am today. No other combination of. things. There wouldn't have been an open mic. night in Webster wherever that I would. have gone to and with any interest at. all. and really started to fall back in love. with the art of doing stand-up and be. able to do all those reps. You know, that doesn't exist anywhere else, you. know, that's that's what happens at the. mothership. That. You can go in there and sharpen the. [ __ ] blade. You ought to see what I'm. doing to these crowds on the road. I'm. beating the [ __ ] out of them. I'm having.

a blast except I still hate to travel. but. you know. We're real lucky. We're real. lucky. And like I said, I feel like the. universe opened up all the right doors. at all the right time. Yeah yeah yeah. And and put it all together in this. perfect way. And we all benefit from. having all of us here together for sure. It's 100% benefits your acts. 100% benefits your joke writing and the. amount of fun that you have in life. And. how hard we laughing in that green room.

and uh you That's what I'm saying. The. amount of fun you have in life. It's the. most fun. And the and and the best thing about the. green room is how restrictive it is, you. know, that you just can't go in there, you know, you're just not you got to. earn that spot in the treehouse, you. know, and so anytime you open the door, you'll see. you know, some of the best comics alive. sitting there talking about stand-up. comedy and you know, writing jokes and. laughing and having a good time but you. know, that's our [ __ ] little space, man, and it is the greatest thing on. earth. The one of the worst things that.

happens in green rooms, what Ron's. talking about is like you'll be in a. green room and a bunch of agents will. walk in and start talking. Especially in LA, used to happen all the. time. They all wanted to go in the green. room. So they'd go in the green room and I. I've done shows before like at these big. theaters and there's people I don't even. know who they are. They're all hanging. around the green room. I'm like okay. I don't even Who are you. guys? Like doesn't happen so much anymore but. in the past Oh when I played big venues. out near California,

the guys I didn't even know from APA and. CAA or whoever the [ __ ] I was with. Yeah. And then people from my office. that I didn't even know, they're all. back there in the green room, you know, you know. Trying to get a little by trying to. prove to me that they're earning some. kind of [ __ ] money I'm sending them. or whatever but that doesn't happen at. the at the comedy mothership. It's just us talking about it. Really. nobody knows much more about the. business of this than we do, you know, the collective group that gets We feed. off each other. Yeah.

It's like we 100% feed off each other. And this wasn't designed to be a. commercial for the mothership but it. sounds like one. Yeah, but we're we're. both super lucky. All of us are. Not not. just us in this room but all of us. together that we're all in on this. together cuz that's what it is. It's. like we we got a spot where we can all. [ __ ] around. And we have a lot of other. spots in Austin now because of that. And. and along with that. Right. They basically that makes the. mothership very proper name.

for that place, for that club. Yeah. Because everything else kind of feeds. off of it, you know, of That was the. That was the idea Well, there was a. bunch of other names that I had for but. that was the idea What what What I liked. about that one is that. we all do travel and we're all stuck, you know, in this thing if you're if. you're a stand-up and you, you know, you. want to go on the road, you got to go. places. But you got to have a place to. go back to where you can keep your. skills without traveling. That's what. doesn't exist anywhere else. Well, that's what made me realize what we were.

missing when we came here. When we first. came here, we were at the Vulcan. It was. great but it was It was a great place. and love Nick and everybody that worked. there but it wasn't set up perfect. Right. Right. hard to get around. You had to go. downstairs to get on stage. It was like. There was a lot of annoying [ __ ] about. it that was like kind of goofy the way. it was set up. And. it's a great room to perform in. Like. the acoustics are fun. It's. rattles, you know. But I was like we but. it's. we need the setup to be correct. And if. we get the setup like completely.

correct, just do it absolutely the way a. comic would want it to be done. Just do. everything the way the com- It make make. it everything so it's the like the. [ __ ] easiest ride ever for the. comics. They come in, wee, go through. the back, yay, up the stairs. That's right. Yeah, it's just easy, fun. Everybody's. going to have a good time. Let's go have. fun. Let's have fun. And that's what we. needed cuz we were on the road all the. time. When you're on the road all the. time, it's like you're in these. places you're only going to be there for. a couple of nights. You're doing your. stand-up with a couple friends you came. with and you go back home and then you. wait till you go somewhere else again.

You don't have a home base. Yeah. Touch. in like Ron White, I was in Cincinnati, you know, like. those those Tuesdays and Wednesdays are. the [ __ ] man. They are. They're the. [ __ ] They are and you know, it was kind. of like it was at at this store for a. while. Yeah. You know, when we were all. supporting it at the same time and you. know, the crowds were you know, it was. always packed cuz they knew they were. going to get a show they couldn't get. any other time for any price. That does. That show doesn't exist anywhere else. And you know, the other night we did a.

show and it was me and. you and Shane Gillis and. Jim Norton who's I That guy makes me. laugh harder than anybody. Oh, he's. hilarious. Theo Von came in. It was all in one. night at the at the Comedy Mothership. Crowd didn't know. We don't even know. You know, you don't even know who's all. going to show up on that. night and. but there's always room, you know, if. you're you know, if you're one of the. big kamaia maias, you know, There's. always someone coming by. They'll There's We'll always make room. for you. And it's just fun. It's just a.

real fun environment. It's a real fun. place to. [ __ ] around. You know, and now that we. have that. it makes it easier for us. Makes it easy. to you for you to do this tour you're. doing. Makes it for all of us. It's just a place to keep your chops, you know, and it's all and I don't care. if you're doing short sets or long sets. You need to be doing sets. Because it. keeps that familiarity with you and that. audience and keeps keeps that all. secondary. Yeah. It's something that you. don't even think about. It's what you do.

it every goddamn day and that's what you. should do and then it doesn't matter if. you're on the stage for for 15 minutes. or an hour and 15 minutes. It's just. that you got to get on stage and talk to. those people and just so it's second. nature Yeah. And cuz if you don't do it. for a while, it's not. You think about. it, you know. We don't think about sets before we walk. on stage at the Mothership, you know, cuz it's what we do all the time. So But. you remember what it was like when we. took all those months off for COVID then. you did stand-up again. horrible. I couldn't believe how bad I. was and I didn't even know.

That was the big question is. for me it was I didn't know what I was. so good at. that made it special to watch, you know, I didn't because I was just doing an. impression of myself and that I didn't. have. that confidence and all those things. that I that come from knowing what's. going to happen when you walk on stage. set back at the Vulcan. You [ __ ]. killed. [ __ ] it was awful. You [ __ ] killed. You're out of your mind. You're out of. your mind. You got big laughs. I think it just. didn't feel comfortable for you. I think.

you didn't feel like you were killing. because it didn't feel comfortable. because you just haven't done it in so. long. I think that's all it is. But the. for the audience member And if you look. at that set versus my. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, listen. 15 minutes. set that I'm doing now. It's What you. were talking about the other night, that. that timing and that all that stuff is. back to sharp. You know, how I got here. stuff, you know. And that's all growth that comes from. [ __ ] doing reps, you know. It's. definitely It's It's a gym. That's for. sure. And if you work out you see the.

results and if you don't, you don't, you. I think it's just like golf. It's just. like everything. Yeah, well, it's it's. something I understand and I love, you. know, and so I you know, so I can. appreciate. with idiots. Right. you know, you never [ __ ]. really learn to play golf. yeah and then you'd be going, I'm so. great, you know. It's It's better that you hang out with. guys that can hit the ball further than. you, you know. That's fine. That's fine. Cuz you can still beat those guys. If. you're lucky. If you're smart. Yeah,

well, that be There's always in groups. of guys There's always the one guy who's. the dominant golf player, right? Yeah. Yeah. And that's that used to be me all the. time but now when I play now I've got. these friends that, you know, that are. [ __ ] Is that a reps thing? Is that a. just a reps thing or is there a certain. characteristic that some people have. that makes them like really good at. golf? I think that some people are are. born with a with a innate ability for. athletics, you know, and some people. aren't and you can. you can try to get to that place all as.

hard as you want to like John Daly, you. know, he's a gifted athlete, you know, and he would have no matter what he had. done, he would have been great at it. Yeah. But he chose to do it with golf. and and his situation home was real. [ __ ] up. Abusive father. Horrible. [ __ ] Just horrible [ __ ]. I know a lot about him. I've spent a lot. of nights drinking with him. And but he had these hands, man, and. this this ability to turn his back to. his target and just keep going and it. generated literally no one had ever seen.

anybody do what John Daly did when he. first started hitting when he first came. on the scene. They other pros were going. out to the driving range going, "Watch. this.". And he's hitting the ball 75 yards past. everybody and hitting in the middle of. the fairway with it. They're like and. but he was so self-destructive. that he he he couldn't he he could. manage it to some point, you know, I. don't know and John doesn't know either, I'm sure, but you know, he won two. majors which you know, most people that.

have. play professional golf will never win. one and or never win a tournament. That. most people that have a card to play on. the PGA tour never win on the PGA tour. So. he didn't do. earth-shattering stuff like Tiger did as. far as the numbers go but, you know, he. he just had that natural ability and and. his son is just like him. Which is kind. of a weird thing cuz that father-son. thing doesn't mesh up and then who knows. if it ultimately will. But his son's got a pocket full of money.

bets with everybody there. He's about. 16. No, he's in college now. So he's. quite a player and he's got his dad's. backswing and. you know, it's uh. Damn. So it's genetic. Well, some of Some of it's got to be, you know. Yeah. And then you Man, I. would imagine. he is right there. That's who I play golf with. When. there's [ __ ] belts Yeah. They won the father-son tournament. They. beat Tiger and his kid. Bro, how good are John Daly's pants? Yeah. Yeah. Look at those pants. Those. are so classic. Yep. And you can Little.

skulls all over them. And his green alligator shoes. He's. one-of-a-kind. That's for sure. One-of-a-kind. One-of-a-kind. How many. Diet Cokes did you say he drinks a day? He Well, he drinks Oh, boy, he just. drinks so much. But he drinks Diet Cokes and chocolate. milk and he doesn't really eat. And then. he drinks vodka by the gallon, you know. Diet Coke and chocolate. Chocolate milk. If you go cuz we the. Look at him. I've stayed in the same. house with him before and he's also,

oddly enough, he's a neat freak. He gets. up in the morning and he'll make. breakfast for everybody that's in the, you know, the golf [ __ ] complex there. like four four rooms or whatever. He's. up in the morning vacuuming, shining. stuff up. It's not even his job to do. it. And but he's a neat freak and he. loves to cook for people and and at. night he'll sing songs and play guitar. until you're so bored with it you can't. stand yourself and you know, but it's a. hoot. It's a show. But in the. refrigerator, gallons of milk and a.

chocolate Hershey's chocolate squirt. bottle. He makes it up himself, you. know. And and then. his own chocolate milk. He stirs it. And. then Diet Cokes and then cigarettes, you. know, one after another. back up, Jimmy, with that the the. statistics that you were showing. The. statistics he was just showing about how. many cigarettes and Diet Cokes he drank. in one game. daily diet. I don't know what it says. that one image that you had on the other. page there was uh you had. it. There it is. John Daly smoked 21.

cigarettes and drank 12 cans of Coke and. no water at a PGA Tour event. John Daly. once smoked 21 cigarettes and drank 12. cans of Coke at a tour event with no. water. The controversial golfer is known. among fans for his somewhat different. style to. to today's fitness-obsessed stars. So if. he drank 12 Coca-Colas though, you do. have to think like that is a lot of. energy and a lot of sugar. Yeah, and then and this guy doesn't.

practice. ever at golf. He doesn't He. Really? No. He'll go out there and he'll. hit sand wedges. and he'll hit maybe four of them and and. go straight to the tee box. Whether he's. playing a professional tour event or. playing with a guy. He's and he tells me, "Just hit some. sandwich. You got to hit that solid. If. you can hit that solid, you can hit them. all solid. Just do that. There's no. sense working your way through a bag and. spending all goddamn day. You know, just get do cuz that you're. trying to get loose, not better. We're. playing, right? You don't have time to.

get better. You just got time to get. loose. Get loose with one club, so. But it it. uh. But that's just how much ability he's. got. And most of these guys, you know, they they take this [ __ ] serious every. goddamn day of their life. Hours and. hours and hours a day go into nothing. but preparing. He spends no time at all. And and he he and he doesn't win very. much, but you know, he makes a lot of. noise and he he lives life the way he. wants to and he's so unapologetic and. And he's kind of a hero because of it.

He is Yeah, yeah, he's he's totally a. hero. And he should be. He he is a. living legend of of athletic [ __ ]. superiority. And there he is, Hooters. There's his endorsement right there. He. loves Hooters. Yeah. Yeah, for years and years I'd go to the. Masters and I'd park my bus right next. to his bus at the Hooters. Hilarious. And go down and watch the game and and. he would make a fortune because. people go to that tournament to see.

golf, right? And uh. but those golf those guys aren't. available. You know, they don't come. they don't stick around signing. autographs and do [ __ ] like that. John. does. So, he's got a merch tent set up. at the Hooters and he'll do $400,000. worth of business in a week. Jeez. Just. sitting there signing stuff, flags, whatever, taking pictures. He hustles. that parking lot and does it every year. He's always out there. He'll you know, he's nice anyway and he likes fans and.

he'll talk to you about anything, anybody. Wow. And you know, if he's in a good mood. If. he's in a shitty mood, maybe not, but he. still gets it, you know, and cuz he. didn't he gambles a lot, so he never has. I don't think ever had a big surplus of. money. It's a big deal from Callaway but. I think he you know, he's playing slot. machines a thousand bucks a pull. all the time and so he's always had to. hustle on the side, you know, so but he. but he gets it done, you know, now he's. got a vodka drink kind of like the.

Arnold Palmer except it's got booze in. it. It's called the John Daly. Selling. [ __ ] out of it. Yeah, what is the John. Daly? What's the mixture? Arnold Palmer. is lemonade and iced tea, right? you add some vodka, I would imagine. what it is? John Daly, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, vodka. [ __ ] yeah. Yeah, him and you know, I I quit drinking you know, that about. three years ago and. and. but and Kid Rock hangs out up there all. the time. They're really good buddies. and he plays golf. It's just not a great. golf course either. It's just a fun we. all go to and you know, it's got good.

greens and we have fun time out there. And they'll be banging on the door of my. bus. We're going to the titty bar. Come. I'm like, dude, what What part of. I don't drink anymore do you not. understand? I'm no, I'm not going to the. titty bar with you and Kid Rock and. watch you guys. jack with strippers till dawn and. Hilarious. So, now they don't talk to me. much and uh. Those [ __ ] guys when they sober up. the party's all gone. Right, that's right.

Yeah, I read something the other day. said if you quit drinking. that does not automatically. make you no fun. That's a separate. decision you have to make. That's very well put. Yeah, right? Very well put. I know a lot. of comics that stopped drinking. Like. Dave Attell, I think is the best example. of a guy who stopped drinking and just. got way better. Like he was always. hilarious. He was always an amazing. comic. He's always been fun. But I think. it was just taking a toll on his body. And then when he quit, it's like all of.

a sudden he had energy again. He was. writing a a [ __ ] ton of great material. I think he's at like his highest level. ever now and he hasn't drank in a long. time. Yeah, a long time. He just keeps getting. better. And. but you know, he was out of control. though. I mean, he was for a little bit. Well, he had that show. Insomniac, right? And that was true. I mean, that's. what he would do every night. I worked. with him ended up doing a bunch of I. went to the Montreal Comedy Festival and.

he and I we didn't know each other and. we were doing a bunch of shows at the. at the dirty show or whatever it was. And. there were like 12 shows in a week and. so we met. That's back when he drank and. I drank and and so we were fast friends. and I thought he was funny as [ __ ] I. didn't you know, I had never seen any of. it. And I just [ __ ] loved Attell. He's so much fun to hang out with. best of all time. But he would come through town and and. boy after the show he's gone, you know, he goes into a dark netherworld of. you know, whatever's going on down.

there. He finds it and you know, so. but he didn't do anything. I mean, he. quit he quit everything. He got sober. when Yeah. when people go, how did you. quit getting [ __ ] up? I'm like, yeah, you heard it wrong, you. You just quit drinking. than one way to skin a cat is the way I. the way I look at it. I think the way. you're skinning it right now is the best. way. [ __ ] yeah, I think so. It's the best way. Makes for the most. fun. I don't you know, I. I feel pretty good about all the. decisions I made that got me to where. I'm right this minute, you know, as far.

as liquor goes. I didn't you know It. makes for the most fun. This situation. we're in right now is makes for the most. fun. If they would just hurry up and. decriminalize mushrooms and things along. those lines. Yeah, yeah. Cuz then we'd. start doing mushrooms. But as long as. they're against the law, we don't do. them. Exactly. We're against it. That's what I'm saying. We put a we put a stop to it. We're In. fact, we're part of the mechanism. Imagine if it's the only thing that can. really get us out of this, but we're all. in so dismissive of it. Sounds like.

Looney Tunes, right? But if you could. give mushrooms to every living human. being on this planet all in one day. Right. That's. that's That's what uh Hicks. said it was our accelerator pad to our. evolution, you know. Well, he was a big. Terence McKenna and he quoted Terence. McKenna in his act. And Terence McKenna. was the guy who came up with that theory. that the reason why human beings evolved. is from mushrooms. Oh, okay. the Stone Ape theory. It's a crazy. theory. What is this? Federal scientists. recommending easing restrictions on. marijuana. Oh, I did see that. Yeah.

They want to make it schedule three. So, it has some medicinal uses. Shrooms or weed? That's just weed. That's weed first. Oh. It'll dis They're. never going to give it to you all at. once. It's just too revolutionary. Well, Texas, you know, we we still don't. even have mercy weed, you know. get weed if you have cancer, if you're. dying of cancer? think so. Not in Texas. There's no medical weed in Texas at all? a very It's like 0.3% you could get if. you have like if you're dying next week. or something.

Right, which is kind of weird because. you know, not that I you know. I mean, you can buy the edibles that you. can buy are THC edibles and and they. they but they got it that that law. passed because they didn't understand. the law. Because they were going by. weight of something and but they didn't. realize that there's okay, these gummies. are 14%. You know, so they're trying to fight it. now, but right now it's legal to buy. that, but and then something that's just. like pot like 1 mg or whatever off, you. know, they sell that and.

Delta 9. I don't smoke it because. you know, it's classified as marijuana. and I would never do anything that I. thought illegal. Well, I witnessed Brian Simpson take a. few of those gummies. Yeah. And Right. And they're supposed to be very mild and. he was very upset about how [ __ ] up he. was. He was very upset. He said, "This is. outrageous.". He was he was he was shocked. Does that. Do smelling salts wake anybody up out of. that? I've never tried. Ooh, that's a good question. That's a. solid question, Jamie. What was the. question? He said if smelling salts wake. someone up out of like a weed stupor.

Yeah, it will because I've used those. ones that are on the table in the green. room to. Yeah, you ever get too stoned to do a. set and then you just pick up one of. those salts and just jerk you right out. of it for a minute. you've only taken the ones we have at. the the mothership then. The Yeah. The. The what? You've never had the smelling salts. here. No. Oh, this is significantly stronger. Here. at the Well, the stuff that we have here. in the studio versus the stuff that we. have in the green room. The stuff we. have in the green room is kind of old.

So, when you open it, you really got to. get your nose in there. Oh, that feels. Really dig in. This [ __ ] will. knock your dick into the dirt. This is. What makes you think I want my No, I. wouldn't say you do. Dick knocked into. the dirt. It's worth experiencing. All right. It's so potent. It's. shocking. Wait a. Let me get ready. Do you have a fresh. one or Yeah, you got any freshies? There's still four of I think fresh ones. here. Well, let me see how bad What's the Do. we have these in any chronological. order? All right, let me grab one. I'll see. what we got.

I'm sure that's definitely going to do. the job. All right, we'll see what's up. He's got frogs in here. Let me see. what's up. Here we go. You'll know which one's stronger right. away. Oh, that's probably pretty good then. That works. Wow. Wow. This one's fairly legit. Okay. Yeah, I'm not going to do it. No, no, no, no, no. You need to. You. need to. I don't want to whatever it.

caused you to look like you just looked. like you're about to. I feel great now. Give me a minute. All right. [ __ ] I'm. here doing the same thing. Woo. I don't know if that would Yeah, I think. it would help. That's what I'm talking. about. Yeah, that dude you don't have any This. IS THE GLOVE. OH. OH. THAT'S WHAT I'M talking about. I. don't like when people talk [ __ ] about. how easy smelling salts are. Like oh, you've never had real smelling. salts. I've never been this awake in my life. I'm saying.

That's what I'm talking about. Oh man, I'm going to do one up on the other. side. Shout out to that dude Juju Mufu, right? Am I saying it right? Shout out to him for creating the the. greatest smelling salts in the history. of the world. Did you go in for a. second? I did. Oh my god, you [ __ ] animal. got it in one side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It. only went up one side and I'm glad he. didn't get I thought he was going to. leave the show. I was worried you were going to get mad. and leave the show. That was like meth. That's very potent. That's what it feels like going down. Well, this guy who created this is like. this crazy powerlifter dude.

But there's no aftereffect of it, is. there? No. I don't think you should do. it too often. I just did it once every 10 seconds, you. It's not making me any smarter. Yeah, okay. All right. Well, I don't have any. I don't have anywhere to go but [ __ ]. up. All of us have nowhere to go but up. That's what AI is all about. But I think. it's probably not good to do that. That's the guy he created it. Look at. the body on that son of a [ __ ] Look at. the crazy [ __ ] he can do. Full splits in.

between chairs while holding up. like Josh Blue. Yeah. No, not in that picture. I mean, the dude's a crazy athlete. Like. that is that is absolutely ridiculous. strength to be able to do that. And. that's. preposterous. So. So they a lot of those powerlifter. dudes, they take a big blast of this. [ __ ] before they lift. Okay, I. let's say I want to look like that, but. I'm 67, right? Yeah. How many hours a. day. would I have to dedicate of my life?

No [ __ ] I mean, of course I could. never get to that. No, you couldn't get to that. But no. [ __ ] you could change. your entire body. with weightlifting and steroids in a. year. We would get you to a Russian scientist. and they'd hook you up with the latest. [ __ ] greatest top shelf like if we. had a project. Like did you ever see. that documentary Icarus? It's a great.

I think so. Yeah, it's. Bryan Fogel's. Is this right? Bryan Fogel's Why did I. freeze there for a minute? Bryan who. also did the dissident which is another. amazing documentary. But Bryan. did this race. He did it completely. clean and then he was going to get this. Russian doping guy to tell him what to. take and then he was going to do the. same race the next year juiced up. He. was doing it for a documentary to show. what the difference is. All right. He's. not competitive like he could win. He's.

a very good cyclist though. So in the. middle of this process of going through. this thing with this Russian guy Right. it comes out that the Russians cheated. in the Sochi Olympics. And so when they cheated in the. Olympics, they used piss that was like. fake piss. They like smuggled piss. through a hole in the wall and this guy. was a part of the whole program and he's. in this documentary. And these were. while this is all happening they were. cyclists? He's a cyclist. He gets doped up for. this documentary. This is what he's.

doing. And so in getting doped up with. steroids and EPO, he's talking to this. guy who's the head of this Russian. anti-doping agency who's really just. they're just Russian doping. So they. just everyone's doped. This guy tells. him everything. He spills the beans on. the whole program. And now the guy's in. like the [ __ ] witness protection. plan. They've got him like shuttle all. around the country to keep him alive. They want Russia wants him dead. This. [ __ ] guy spilled the They they juiced. the whole Olympic team. And this guy.

Bryan got very lucky and caught it in. the middle of it happening. So it's just dumb luck that the Russians. get busted for for doping while he's. doing a documentary on doping with the. guy who did the [ __ ] doping. And he didn't have anything to do with. the them getting exposed. No, not at all. It was what happened was. they used these jars that were supposed. to be impregnable, right? So there's. these jars you would urinate into the. jar and then once they had your sample, it would be sealed in a way that no one.

could open. Well, they found these micro. scratches that were all over the inside. of these supposedly sealed jars that led. them to believe that someone had figured. out a way to hack into that and open. these things. And they realized that the. Russians had figured out a way with a. new piece of equipment they engineered. They got their own bottles and they got. they engineered a tool that would allow. them to open it up and then they'd put. it back on. So they would go and they. would take the piss out and they would. bring it in with a new bottle and the. new bottle was filled with clean piss.

And so there's. literally they had a hole in the wall. Literally had a hole in the wall where. they were swapping out the clean piss. for the dirty piss. Look at this. They. have an official urine sample room, hole. and storage space. And in the storage. space is where they had all the clean. urine. And they got busted while this guy was. doing it. So if we got that guy, that. Russian guy, to turn you into a [ __ ] stud Yeah. Just we need about 16 months. We need. about 16. we really need a Ron White that's all. amped up on that? don't need that. No, we don't need that.

But if you ever want to go that way No. You don't need You don't need that. But. just like, you know, you don't need to. play golf. Yeah. Well, I'm the one that. asked the question, right? No, no. It's. it's a fair question. It's like how long. would it take? I mean, you're not obese. You're fit because you walk around a. lot. You're doing a lot of golf. You're. playing a sport all the time. So you're. active. I stretch for that for that. game. So I'm pretty I'm pretty limber. for a, you know, That. 67-year-old. That game looks like it would really.

benefit from like rotational work. Yeah. Do you do like you ever do with a. trainer or do you do like cables? No, I you know what I do everything I do. in my golf swing right now I do to avoid. two tears I've got in my shoulders. And but for the most part it doesn't. hurt to to make that as long cuz. everything stays connected. It's it's. when I do like this that that they. really hurt. Have you ever done stem. cells? Yeah, well, with the same guys. that with the Waste of Well folks. And. and it's better than it was because. before I couldn't do that at all and now.

I can and that and it doesn't it doesn't. really hurt that bad. But before if I. got it to there and just pushed it back. a little bit it not only hurt, it hurt. when I quit doing it. And still it you. know, it's not it's not exactly right, but I'm. exactly right. I I have a plan that can. help you tremendously that I use for my. shoulders. I have no affiliation with. this company. It's called crossover. symmetry. I bought it I bought it. online. I think I bought it on Amazon. I. had I had one at home and one at the.

gym. It's a bunch of different cords. that attach to posts and they have these. cables and some of them are like 10 lb, some of them are 15 lb, some are 25 lb. And they give you a plaque. And the. plaque has a series of different. exercises for your shoulders. All for. shoulder strength. It makes a giant. difference. A giant difference. So you. use these cables and it's not hard work. You're not like lifting heavy weight or. anything like this. This is like. rehabilitation and strength work. So. you're on the last ones you are getting.

like a good pump, but it's very. controlled. It's very controllable. And in the process you're strengthening. your shoulders. You're strengthening all. the things that are not that strong. which is why you're probably getting. injured in the first place unless it's. some sort of a catastrophic situation. For the most part people get injured. because their shoulders just aren't in. good condition. No, I fell when I was. young off a cliff into a pool. It was 78. ft. Hamilton's Pool right over here in. Austin, Texas. And I landed not like you.

should land. Okay, so it was catastrophic. And it it. ripped everything. I sprained both. wrists and and my shoulders, but I never. had it looked at. It was just bad for a. long time that I had it just a few years. ago in Beverly Hills. I had them do a. cat scan or whatever the [ __ ] MRI. probably. What did they say? They said. they got tears in both of them. That's. where I fell, right here. It was 78 ft. Oh my god. And it was I was standing at the top. where people were jumping off and I was. really drunk and and I didn't really. jump off. I kind of tripped and stumbled.

and then just went, oh well, I'm going. with it and fell off and. And and I just landed like I was sitting. down with my arms kind of back and it. was just. How deep was the water? Well, it turned out I wasn't very deep. into it. It's pretty deep pool, but I. don't even know, but I was this far. underwater cuz that's how flat I landed. I didn't even go underwater. And uh Oh, no. That must have sucked. It. knocked the breath out of me and people. were like, are you okay? And I'm like, at which they they took that to mean I'm.

fine. Yeah, don't do a thing. But even. if you have damage to your shoulders, that shoulder strengthening program will. help you. If you it'll help you retain. range of motion because you're doing it. kind of slowly and if you just stay. persistent with it and consistent and. just do it every day. And if you're. doing it every day, you're not even. going to doing it like that hard. It's. not like a thing where you're like. killing yourself. You're doing like. eyes, wise, and tees with like little. dumbbells. Do things like that. And do. just do like easy things that strengthen.

your shoulder. You'd be amazed at how. much more shoulder mobility and strength. you'd have if you just strengthen all. the connective stuff. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure that doing. anything would be more than I'm doing. now which is absolutely nothing. Yeah, get a [ __ ] trainer, Ron. Get. some You know what? I tried to get I I. used to have. sassy young lady that's going to crack. you into shape. I I used to have my yoga. instructor would come over to my house. every day or 5 days a week and she was. beautiful and smart and funny and she.

was great and I would it was basically a. yoga nap. It was so easy. Breathing and. then you know, with smells and she was. all mystical and [ __ ] and I like it. And. but my girlfriend was like, eh Yeah. And I don't I think you. Good call on her part. Right, right. Yeah, she was all over me. She's never wrong. She's got this. intuition that she's never been wrong. Yeah. You don't want that around your man. That's them yoga freaks. Yeah. They're a. little bit more in tune to sexuality and. in a room it's 94° and they're all.

sweating on top of each other. Yeah. Yeah, it it has a lasting impression. up. in the air. I mean, everyone is a little. bit more free after yoga class. But it was still good for me. It was a. good way to start the day. Oh yeah, that's great way to start the day. I. used to love doing it that way when I. lived in California. I used to do the. Bikram style. They changed the name. after he got busted a bunch of times, but it was. it was Bikram's when I first started and. it was that series of poses which I.

think he just popularized. I don't I. don't believe any of them I I don't even. know if he put them in that order if. they were already in that order that. people do them, but whatever it is, that. order forget what you think about him as. gross as that guy is, that That guy is he's very funny. He He. wasn't all that gross. 1 million dollars. for one drop of my sperm. You ever see. him say that? You ever see him say that? A million. dollars for a. I earned that. I mean he's a a.

psychopath. Yeah. Wild man, but that guy. That's where you really can't start. [ __ ] your followers. cuz it's just going to He seemed to be. doing. it seems like a good idea at the time, but yeah, he was getting a lot of He's a. cult leader. I mean I think it's just. like any other cult even though it does. provide the benefit of the yoga. So the. thing is like whatever it is like you. take him out of the equation cuz it's. not they're not his exercises and I I. don't think they're his order. Can you. find out that's true if you put it in.

that order? If he invented the order? But whatever it is, if you just follow. those exercises in that order, it's. awesome and you do it every day and. there's no variation. I love variation. in your yoga class. I love to be able to. go to yoga class and doing different. stuff. It's fun. But I also love going. to this class where it's a 90-minute. class and there's a specific number of. movements and you know what they are cuz. you've done this over and over and over. and over again. It's a [ __ ] challenge. and you're all in there gutting it out. together. Like that's a real human.

struggle. I know it sounds ridiculous. Was nothing like that. This was a guy. I'm on a a little thing stretching my. back while I'm laying there breathing in. some incense. That's good too. But then. yeah, doing some breath work. Listen, that's good too. Just breathing and. no grunting. Well, with the the 90-minute one, you. got to be hydrated. You got to be. prepared for that. You got to get some. electrolytes in your system. Yeah, I went through a hot yoga one time. and and I literally threw up in the.

parking lot. I just I was in there it. made me sick and I'd eaten, you know, whatever I guess you shouldn't eat and I. think they do it at 104. I think it's. 104°. Bikram Yoga also follows a. sequence of 26 postures. Students. improve flexibility and circulation. through this sequence with the high. temperatures allow them to enter each. pose more posture more easily. The poses. were chosen from Choudhury from classic. hatha poses designed to systematically. move fresh oxygenated blood to 100% of.

your body to each organ and fiber. So So. it was him? He came up with this. sequence? I think he hacked it, right? I think he. hacked it. finding anything that says he didn't. Cuz he made a bunch of claims about. winning yoga tournaments in this country. and they're like we don't have yoga. tournaments in this country, so It's a. yoga kumite. They meet in the woods and. yoga to death. Okay, hatha yoga studio practice. different types of yoga most of us try. to keep their hot yoga classes anywhere. from a balmy 75° to a steamy 95°. Elevated temperature help I think they.

do 104. Here it goes. Since we practice Bikram. Yoga, our goal is to replicate the. environment found in southern India. Our. yoga teachers set the thermostats from. 103 to 108°. Let's go. Now that's hot. yoga. That's what Tony does, right? He does. that every week to Pink Floyd music. Yeah, they have yeah, that's he says. it's a really good class. He loves doing that hot yoga. It keeps. Tony normal. It helps him with his evil. brain. Yeah. His evil brain needs a. touch of the divine. Yeah, he needs to.

be connected. I love him to death. He's the best. He sold out the [ __ ] Madison Square. Garden three hours. Two Madison Square. Gardens. They're killing the game. They deserve everything they're getting. know what and that just when he came up. with that idea. that didn't sound like a good idea to. anybody, I don't think. You know, that. we're going to get guys that suck for. sure. and they're going to do a minute and. we're going to make fun of them or. whatever or try to help them or you.

know, but. but it's such an engaging amazingly. great idea and. know what it is? It's an idea that was. developed entirely by Tony and Redban. together over years. So Tony comes up. with the idea, he partners together with. Redban, they figure out how to do this. slowly over years. So they're doing it. in the belly room of the comedy store in. front of like 50 [ __ ] people. There's. no one there in the beginning. They're. doing from that to selling out Madison. Square Garden in three hours in like 10.

years. Right. Which is but Yeah, you can. question it all you want to, but. leave a great comic alone and let him. come up with his own thing and then. figure out no one's better at hosting a. show than that guy. Oh, nobody. He's the best. You know, he. cuz he's into wrestling. So everything. he announces, it's hard to follow the. [ __ ] credits that he gives you when. he brings you on stage in that thing, you know, if you're one of his regulars. You know, you think this guy sold out three nights. at [ __ ] Madison Square Garden. You.

got to go follow that intro. Right. But. you know, yeah, nobody could do it. Nobody else could do it but him. He's so quick. He's so quick with like. roast lines. Like when him and David. Lucas go at it, I swear I don't think I. ever laugh harder in life. When him and. David There's there's some videos of him. and David Lucas going at it where I'm. red like a grape and I can't breathe cuz. I haven't I haven't taken in a breath in. 30 seconds. I'm just laughing. I'm just. dying. They're so good at going back and.

forth with each other. They're so good. There's a [ __ ] ton of videos. We don't. have to play any of them, but there's if. people are interested in a [ __ ] ton of. videos online of Tony and David Lucas. They're like I've been telling these. [ __ ] dudes since the beginning of. time. Not like Tony needs anything else. now. If you wanted to do another. podcast, the podcast is him and David. Lucas just talking [ __ ] and reading the. news. I'm like you two get together and just. talk [ __ ] about the news and start. ragging on each other. It would be. immensely popular.

Right. Immensely popular. Those two. dudes have magic together. There's. something about those two characters. when they get together and start talking. [ __ ] to each other. They're both. laughing when they get each other. There's no hard feelings at all. Right, none. Not at all. Not at all. When Tony. gets David hard, David is the hardest. laugher in the room. He's laughing. harder than anybody and he's enjoying. it. He doesn't feel bad at all. Not even. a smidgen and neither does Tony. When. Tony When David gets Tony and Tony goes, you son of a [ __ ] You son of a [ __ ].

You got me. You son of a [ __ ]. He starts talking about his bald spot. You son of a [ __ ] You son of a [ __ ]. He's just what It's they have so much. fun. It's amazing because it's just such. a well-oiled machine. It's just been. running so smooth for so long and then. the New Year's shows just took them to a. total totally different level. You know, having Jelly Roll come out. there and sing to open up the show. What the [ __ ] man? Yeah. What the [ __ ]. Everybody wants to participate, you. know.

Oh my god, it's so special. It's [ __ ]. awesome and it's I tell everybody it's. the cornerstone of stand-up comedy in. Austin. It's the cornerstone. Because. it's a place where people can get their. first time ever on stage and you can do. it in front of a million [ __ ] people. Yeah, I don't know. I was pretty nervous and it was like. like 85 people and uh. Yeah, but it's okay. Like do you want to. do this or not? Oh, you know what? It's. and that's not you, but you know what. I'm saying? It's the most amazing thing.

People coming up. Because it it does. send a net out there to find talented. people that they might not have seen. that avenue to get to where we are. another way, you know, but they're fans. of that. They're like I could do that. and then they. do what it takes to get in it. And also. it encourages the spread of other rooms. around town. You got enough talent that. they get together and then a guy says, hey, I have a room. Do you guys want to. book a room? Do you want to And then you. always get that from the more.

industrious of the comics. They'll like. figure out I got a bar over here. Tuesday night comedy night. And so the. amount of work that folks can get around. here is crazy right now. You know what I. used to do? I used to go to hotels that. that had a. a restaurant in them and I'd have set up. a comedy competition where you won $25. and a meal for two people. and then I would only invite comics I. knew I could beat. because I wanted that money. I needed. that 25 bucks and that free dinner for.

two. Me and Lori, Marshall's mom would. go down there just happy as we could be. eating our free food. I want another. one, you know. Why ain't John McDonald eating? Well, I couldn't get a hold of him. That's. smart. Oh, yeah. What a great way to A. little stage time. Nice. That's a good scam. Free food. That's a. solid scam. Yeah. Yeah, when I lived in. Boston, we were real lucky. There were. so many road gigs. There were so many. gigs you could do on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. You could almost work 7 days a. week if you knew enough booking agents.

and you were willing to drive. You had a. reliable car. You could go to New. Hampshire one night. Next night you're. in Billerica. Next night you're in Rhode. Island. Like you're moving around. Well, you know what I did was which was pretty. smart. And I never accused myself of. being smart very often, but but I. noticed that that really your master of. ceremonies, you're not the opening act. You know, the your biggest job as the. opener was to be the MC, you know, and. so if you did a really I noticed. everybody was doing a really shitty job. They had a crinkled up notes in their.

pocket. Next week at the thing, and I. was like. And uh. I'm like, I'm going to get good at that, you know, so and on my act too, but I'm. going to do a really good job. I'm going. to study the notes. I'm going to know. them. I'm going to make it look like a. show, you know, I'm going to do a better. job at being a host. than those guys are. And then I had a. There were four clubs in the Dallas. area. I worked one of them once a month. as the opening act. So I worked every. goddamn night nine shows a week. And uh. but you know why? Cuz I was a better. [ __ ] host, not cuz I was funnier. I.

would just I made it look like show biz. That's nice. I made it look like a slick. [ __ ] deal, you know. Yeah. That's what Tony does. He makes it. look like a. look like a [ __ ] the right kind of. package, you know, it's done the right. way. But it's also wild, too. That. show's wild. Some of the [ __ ] they say. is so wild. It's so they so go for it. Well, that's why you know, that's what I. love about it cuz you don't know. You. don't know. That deck ain't stacked, folks. And I let me tell you something. I tried to stack it one time cuz I my. banker wanted to do stand-up, and I. thought I could just slide him in. They.

were like, "No [ __ ] way. They do. Those come out of a hat. We don't know. who they are." It's the only way to do. it. uh and and and you guys explained to me, and I'm like, "Of course that's right. Of course that's right.". biblical law. Yeah. You know, like you. you you have to just really reach in. there and really get a piece otherwise. you're lying about the whole thing. Right. Right. And I'm telling you folks, I tried and uh and I was shot down. No, it's it's uh it does show crackles. It. crackles with I had to go back to my. banker and go, "Yeah, I can't do. anything really to help you." That's.

hilarious. Your banker is going to give. you an interest rate decrease. I'm sure he's hilarious. I wonder if the. world's missing out on something big. Maybe it'd be fun to watch him bomb. But you know what? You The thing is you. can come up there and with a. recommendation from me, you can do 3. minutes on Monday night, you know. you can do an open mic night. Open mic. night. So that's then that's what he. did. Well, that's a great way to start. That's how you want to start. You don't. want to start on Kill Tony, but a lot of. people have. Well, yeah, right. That's what I mean. That would be a hard. place to start, you know, right? And. especially if you know, it's a million. [ __ ] people. But also like amazing.

thing to document if that really was the. first time and you actually wound up. going on from there and having a career. Yeah. And you'd have you'd have good. footage of it, you know. Yeah. I mean, look, it can be done. It. can be done if you're funny. There's. There's people out there that are you We. all know people that are so funny that. for whatever reason never decided to. stand up. For me it was my boss. I was uh working. for a private investigator at one point. in time. And uh he lost his license. drinking driving, and he put in an ad. for a private investigator's assistant. It was really just someone to drive him. around cuz he didn't have a license. And.

so I was looking for like unconventional. ways to make money while I was doing. martial arts. So that was what I decided. to do. I started working for this guy. When I was doing stand-up comedy or just. started. I was just like one open mic. two open mics in. Like I just started. And I met this dude. And he was. absolutely the funniest dude I'd ever. met in my life. I couldn't believe how. funny he was. Funniest than any of the. comedians at the clubs. Uh totally natural laughing about. everything. And the guy [ __ ] went. cold turkey. No AA, no programs, no.

nothing. Crashed his car, ran from the. cops, got busted, and he's like, "You. know what? I'm [ __ ] done. I'm [ __ ] done." This guy was a. character, man. He was a [ __ ]. character. His name is Dave Dolan. He. used to call himself Dynamite [ __ ]. Dave Dolan. He's one of the funniest. [ __ ] human beings I've ever met. him around? He was. Drove him around for months cuz I I. forget how long he lost his license for. I don't know what it is, you know, when. your license gets suspended for DUI. But he lost it for quite a amount of. time, and during that time I was making.

my transition from. stand-up from fighting to stand-up cuz I. was I was in the middle of both worlds. And it was wild I was working for him. Were you still playing pool at the time? Were you No, I wasn't playing pool at. all. No, I wasn't playing pool at all. I. didn't start playing pool until I hurt. my knee. I mean, I played a couple of times here. and there with friends, but I wasn't. like really into it until I tore my ACL. You know, if you have an ACL injury, it. has to be diagnosed, then you have to. schedule an appointment, and you have to.

get surgery. So So it was a long time. where I couldn't I couldn't do any. martial arts. It was just too unstable. It was really [ __ ] up. I had a badly. tore my ACL and tore my meniscus. It was like real wobbly. So I really. couldn't do martial arts. I was only. just like lifting weights, and I was. looking for something challenging to do. And me and my friend would go He got a. job, my friend John, got a job working. at this pool hall, and he and I would. just go there and just knock balls. around for free during the day because. he was working there. Right. So he'd be like working behind the. counter, and we and I just got obsessed. with it, man. And I just happened to be.

around all these people that were like. really good players. Like high-level. professionals would come in from the. road because it was a gambling pool. hall. It's called Executive Billiards in. White Plains. Is this Boston? No, this was New York. Okay. So I was I didn't really get into. pool until I was like 20. three? 24? 23 or 24. That's when I really started. getting into pool. And that's before. stand-up or No, I was in the middle of. stand-up. It was It was a problem where. like my manager said to me, he goes, "I. think you care more about pool than you.

do your career." I was like golf. It was. like your golf. I was playing every day. Eight eight 10 hours a day. No [ __ ]. Every day. Every day. I was traveling to. go play in tournaments. I was going to. tournaments many nights of the week that. I could have easily been doing stand-up. I was going to play in tournaments. I'd. go to Connecticut to play. I'd go to. Jersey to play. I'd go to West End. Billiards and watch the killers play. Wow. West End Billiards was this place in a. real sketchy part of New Jersey. Ooh, it. was sketchy.

And uh it was this place where it was. world-renowned as being like a player's. pool hall. Like Hawaiian Rodney Morris. was there, and [ __ ] Mike Sigel played. there. Like the the greats of all time. have. Do they even have places like that. around here where It's not that many of. them. There's Hard Times in Sacramento. That's still a big one. That's a big. one. They stream big tournaments from. there. Yeah. That's That one's legit. That's a legit. like real player's pool hall. But.

there's uh there's not a lot of them. left in the country, unfortunately. Cuz the game is not very publicized. except it's got more of a following now. because of the internet cuz people are. watching those clips. Right. Watching And they realize real. high-level pool, you know, like Joshua. Filler. Watch that guy play. My favorite. is this guy from. Taiwan. His name is Ko Pin Chung. He's. my favorite. He's so smooth. When you watch that guy move the ball. around the table, it's so effortless and.

precise, and his cue ball control is. just magical. Magical. He played in the. US Open and won 11 games in a row on a. 4-in pocketed table. If you if you knew. how crazy that is to run those kind of. racks. on a 4-in pocketed table, it's like. almost unheard of. was a four? I don't even know. That's I. don't even know what a. Okay. So if you buy a Brunswick Gold. Crown stock from the factory, it probably has 5-in pockets. If you buy.

a Diamond, it has 4 and 1/2, but you can. get it all the way down to four. And. they got it all the way down to four. Four 4-in pockets are [ __ ] small. Yeah. They're small. And this [ __ ] dude ran. 11 games with 4-in pockets. He. he went through the entire. ran 11 games? I mean, like the other guy. didn't get a shot? Either the guy. Either the guy had a shot and missed, and then he ran out, or he had a safety.

He made a safety, and the guy had a. kick, and then he got the ball back. But whatever he did, he just played like. perfect pool for a number of games. See, if you watch the guy play, man, if you. really know how to play, like it's just. effortless. There's something about the. style and he. he just keeps getting better, too. Like. every time you see him in each. tournament, he just gets a little bit. better. These guys all stopped playing because. of the pandemic. So for for a couple of. years, they couldn't play. internationally.

Right. So they kind of fell off a little. bit, and only the guys who were in. certain tours where you were allowed to. still play, guys were playing with masks. on. It got like real weird for a while. And some of the guys since international. travel was limited, they didn't get that. high pressure, you know, going to the US. Open in Atlantic City. That was the big. one where he was at. That's like a big. That's where he was in while that was. being shot. all the killers from all around the. world gather up in Atlantic City. Do. they know who's going to win before they. go into it? You can't know who's going to win. They're too good. I mean, do they So.

there's not a number one that's. significantly better than everybody else. like there was in golf for years with. Tiger Woods. There's a guy named Shane Van Boening, and he's won more than anyone, and he's. won the US Open He's tied with Earl. Strickland, who's another one of the. all-time greats. I think maybe. Strickland has more. Strickland might. have more. Who won Who won the most US. Opens, Shane Van Boening or Strickland? Either way, this guy wins everything. He's won World Nine Ball. He's won the. US Open multiple times. He's favored to.

beat most people, but that doesn't mean. he's going to win because a guy like Ko. Pin Chung could just run out. And you don't even get a shot at it, right? Okay. Earl Strickland and Shane. Van Boening, both from the US, share the. record for winning the US Open Nine Ball. Championship the most time, five. Strickland in '84, '87, '93, '97, and. 2000. And then Van Boening in 2007, '12, '13, '14, and '16. He's evil. He's evil. on the table. And when he plays, he. shuts his hearing aids off. He's got. hearing aids. He shuts those [ __ ].

off. He needs in a world of his own, man. He doesn't hear any cheering. wizard. He's the pinball wizard. Yeah. He's the. pinball wizard. Yeah, he's a monster, man. He's a monster. One of the greatest. players of all time. Like if you have a. list of the top five greatest players of. all time and you have Shane Van Boening. on that list, we're not having a. conversation. This is you're a silly person. And. what's his mothership? Where does he go. to hang out and play pool? is where he started out. They call him. the South Dakota kid. He had a table in. the basement that had really tight. pockets and he would practice his break.

on it so much that the center of the. table was just white from being. compressed from the cue ball smashing. into the rack and then slapping down the. same spot over and over. He broke so. much that he created like a white cloud. around where you rack the balls cuz he's. just obsessed. And like universally regarded as the one. of the greatest breakers of all time. If. not the greatest. are on some spectrum. 100. Yeah. For. sure. Yeah, right. Cuz it's kind of. matter. You have to be. Yeah.

You have to be. You want to compete? Yeah. You go get vaccinated. You. We need you. We. We need you in a [ __ ] different. realm. No, there's a lot of guys that are like. super normal that are high-level. competitors that are just like normal. guys. Like you could hang out with them. They're cool as [ __ ] It's just an. obsession that they could have been. doing that with anything else. Could. have been disc golf. Could have been. frisbee. Carpentry. Whatever it is. These are just obsessive. people that are fascinated by the game.

It's a crazy Tiger stat I just saw over. the weekend. Over a 10-year stretch from '99 to 2009, Tiger was more likely to win 34% than. finish ninth or worse 32% for 10 years. That's insane. Yeah. Yeah, he's a monster. Yeah, nobody ever racks up those kinds. of numbers. You know He's a monster. You. got 150 people every week so you should. win one one out of 152, you know. Uh and. instead of 25% of the worlds that you. [ __ ] enter, it's just crazy. Yeah,

you have to be. That'll be done again. I I'd like to. think. A mad genius to pull that off. And a mad. genius raised by his dad to be that from. the time he was really young. You know? Yeah, you'd have to have a springboard. Right. Yeah, I mean that's what he was. Right. And also like if your dad plays. golf, man. If If someone in your family. plays I really really wonder this. If you. Are you transferring some of your comedy. into your kids? Are you transferring. some of your They've said that even bad.

ideas, like even racism can be. inherited. There's There's like a speculation. I. forget how they ran that study, but they. think that there's some aspect of. thinking and of life and of experiences. that somehow or another gets transferred. to your kid. Which makes sense because the the big. ones do. Like fear of spiders, fear of. like monsters under the base under in. the in the basement. There's all those. fears that kids have. You think they. come They come from memories of being.

eaten by cats. Almost entirely. It's. thousands of years of proto-hominids. being slaughtered by cats. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's why we're scared of. monsters. doesn't bother me. Well, it would if we were outside. running wild and you heard something. feel safe in here. I I feel safe in here. with your big frog burps. Yeah. Big frog burps. We have to have. protection from the animals, folks. Don't get cocky. People are getting. cocky right now. They're getting cocky.

talking about bringing grizzly bears. back. Shut your [ __ ] dirty mouth. Yeah. grizzly bears in Beverly Hills? What are. you going to What if they're going to be. fully protected and you can't do. anything about it? Are you going to. count on the wildlife people to be able. to get the grizzly bear? And you Yeah, and you got to invent Before it eats. you. I'm going to tell you right now if. that grizzly wants to [ __ ] you, just let. him [ __ ] you. Let him [ __ ] you. That's the best case. scenario. Don't Don't Don't fight back. Don't. argue. Push back. Yeah. Push back. Make Make all the right. noises. Do whatever it takes. Pretend like you. love it. You love it. [ __ ] love it. You love.

living. Let that bear [ __ ] you. Yeah, you imagine the kind of VD you get from. a grizzly bear. Oh my god. You think that's what's going on after. that? Yeah, I think so. Well, that I think we. tried to make that connection with. syphilis. I don't think we did. I think someone had told me that there. was two It was a [ __ ] really smart. guy. I forget who it was. But it was. someone told me that there was two. different strains of syphilis and one of. them seems to have definitely come from. North America. So like sailors came over.

in the 1400s with like the Pinta and the. Santa Maria and [ __ ] When they went. back, they brought syphilis with them. cuz it seems like there was a different. strain of syphilis that ran through. Europe during that time period. The same. place where these people had just got. back from So they picked it up from our. locals. Yeah. And took it back with. them. Well, that's what we did. We gave them. horrible diseases. They gave us a few. make [ __ ] holes in your face. The syphilis one was a wild one. That's a wild one. I got a lot of guys, babe. Ooh, killed a.

lot of people. of guys. Killed Al Capone. That slow. brain-rotting [ __ ] nothing you can do. about it. Isn't it scary that the. diseases like that come from sex? So. weird. So weird that nature is like so. concerned that we're going to. overpopulate. Yeah. that it gives you diseases that. you only get from sex. You have to live in fear. There's the. scariest ones, syphilis and AIDS. What. scares you more than syphilis and AIDS? If you get a prescription Doc, I'm not. feeling so good. Syphilis or AIDS? Either one and you're like, "Oh, shit.".

Syphilis, I guess. I don't know. It's a. [ __ ] problem. Magic Johnson's doing okay. Yeah. As. much [ __ ] as people talk about like. pharmaceutical drug companies or drug or. medical science in general, I am so. thankful they exist because if it wasn't. for them, if there was no penicillin. Do you know how [ __ ] we'd be? And I. know people are saying, "Oh, people are. abusing antibiotics." They are. They. are. Yeah, that's true. But. isn't it great that we have antibiotics?

Yeah. Because if it wasn't. Half the [ __ ] people would be dead. Right. Not half, but you know what it's. like. Back in the day if you got a staph. infection, that was a wrap. That was it, buddy. That's right. It's going systemic. It's taking over. your blood. Yeah, and if you had breast. cancer, you were done. That's just from. poor decisions. Bone breaks. That's a wrap. You're losing that leg. Yeah, teeth gone. Done, you don't eat, you starve. You can't keep up. There's this. tribe that I was reading about. I forget. whose book was it.

Uh but it was about um what happens with. the older women in this tribe and it's. horrible that the younger males when. they realize the older women aren't. keeping up anymore, they'll sneak behind. them and bludgeon them over the head. And. What's not keeping up? They don't keep. up because they're they're nomadic. tribal people and it's you know. Oh, you mean they're like lagging behind. the group as it moves. Exactly. Exactly. what happens to them? They get killed by. the younger males. So they have a fear of the young males. and they have a fear. fear. fear of them. Yeah. Well, it's it's.

supposedly. accepted in the tribe because it's. understood that at a certain time you're. not you're you're putting them in. danger. You're putting them in danger by. slowing them down. It's really dark. It's really dark. I. think Was it Malcolm Gladwell? I don't. remember who who. No, Killers of the Flower Moon was the. um I know it's I I googled tribe young. males kill older women book and that's. what's popping up. that as well? It's just that book is. popping up. They might have talked about. it. They might have talked about it. They.

might have I didn't see that movie yet. I heard it's awesome, though. Have you. seen it? Killers of the Flower Moon? No, I haven't seen it. You see it, Jamie? I didn't watch it. last night. Just didn't. Well, Jamie, where's your report, please? What's it. on? Your report? It's uh still available. for rent. It'll be on something Apple or. something next month. I don't know. I. think it's on It's on iMovie right now. on everything to rent and buy. Like it's. just not available for free streaming, I. should Oh, I see. I got money. He's got. money. What are you saying? Why are you. trying to say Ronald? Yeah, it's $3.99. Come on. It's $3.99. Do you want to buy it? Do you want to. rent it? I'll rent it. I don't have that.

kind of money. I'm not going to I'm not. going to buy it. an option to watch it over for the rest. of your life? Right. Well, sometimes they take that [ __ ]. away. They do? That It's happened. Even. if you buy it? Do they refund your. money? No, no, I mean like if you don't. buy it. Oh, then you can't get it again. Can't get it when you want it. Ooh, that's interesting. So is that like they. have long-term deals? Like Apple would. have a deal. I was buying stuff on iTunes and it's. just disappeared. I mean things I. bought, you know, are just gone on. iTunes. It now says they're not. available in the country that you're in. I'm like, "This is the country I bought. them in." Yeah, that's weird. That might.

be a glitch. I don't know how that. works. I don't know. Um but I was. reading something very bizarre about. Google and their terms of service and. what they're going to do to adjust. something for a sensitive event. Did you. see that? I could send you the article, but it was. one of those ones where I I read it and. I was like I read like one paragraph. into it and I was like, "Jesus Christ, this is starting to make me angry. I. don't want to read into this.". I don't know. I don't know where my. phone is, but I wanted to ask because.

it's something literally if I go to. Allman Brothers. There's an article from Forbes that says. and and go to I want to listen to a song. it says no longer available in the. country you're in and that's iTunes. And. then I can But I can push the button and. say play. uh. the Allman Brothers Band and it'll play. it. It'll play it, but it But I don't. have it at my command on iTunes like I. did. I don't know where it went. I. thought I was buying that stuff. That's. what I meant. But I don't know. Apparently I wasn't buying it. Right. I. just thought I was buying it cuz it.

isn't there anymore. Yeah, I don't know how that works. They. must have some different licensing deals. with certain songs. Jamie, that's not. it. It's something that was real recent. and they were talking about. what they would do for a significant. significant cultural event. I see Let me. see if I can. This says yeah, new policy going to. affect February 2024 clearly defines. what constitutes a quote sensitive event. for purposes of prohibiting certain. exploitative or insensitive ads and. content. Yeah, that's it. Well, Google already had policies in.

place for ads and YouTube monetization. This expands the restrictions to. Google's publisher network as well. And so there was It was defined in a. certain way. See if you can pull up what. it actually says cuz the way it was. defined, what disturbed me was that it's. very blanket. A sensitive event is defined rather as. an unforeseen or unexpected situation. that poses significant risk to Google's. ability to provide high-quality relevant. information while reducing insensitive. insensitive content is that I have.

concern with that. Well, yeah. Insensitive content in prominent and. monetized features. Insensitive content. to who? Exactly. So open is subjective. Now listen to this though. Sensitive. events include those with major social, cultural, or political impact such as. civil emergencies, natural disasters, public health crisis, terrorism, conflict, or mass violence. So what. they're saying is you must be sensitive. if you're going to discuss civil.

emergencies, natural disasters, public. health crisis, anything with a major. social, cultural, or political impact, terrorism, mass violence, you must now. be sensitive. The thing is like whatever. they're trying to say, whatever they're. trying to do to make the the the online. world a nicer place. It's You got to be really careful with. saying things like that cuz sensitive is. a weird term. If someone is violently. opposed. Insensitive to who? Right. Also what. what someone is violently opposed to.

something that's happening. Like think. about one of one or many of the military. conflicts around the world. Don't pick a. side. What if someone is violently. opposed to these people dying and losing. their lives and they're talking about. it. Is that an insensitive piece of. content that can now be censored by a. new policy? Is that what it is or is it. just going to demonetize it which. they've kind of always done? I think. this was talking about people who are. making ads using their platform not. people who are hosting content on their. platforms. I I guess So say it again. What is So say it again. I'm a little lost on this one. I think I.

think I see So if any of the listeners. out there are also a little confused as. the No, it's about them having the. ability to censor you. So if you do the. Ron White Show on YouTube which is owned. by Google. If they decide that this. something of whatever you're doing is in. somehow or another offensive. want to edit it. I don't know what. they're saying they can and can't do. I. think it's making ads. I don't know if. it has to do with the content that again. that's on YouTube. I think this policy. content change is for people who use the. Google Ads platform and create ads like.

this one I'm showing you right here so. that you can't abuse it. You can't. monetize it. But look how it's phrased, please. Go go back to the top sentence. So look at Which one? It says the updated policy provides. practice including price gouging, misdirected traffic, and victim blaming. during sensitive events. I'm with the first ones. Price gouging, misdirected traffic, I'm with those. But. victim blaming during sensitive events, that one gets touchy cuz like what do we. It's just using the ads though. It's. like making some weird ad to pop up to.

get you to click on something that's. going to pop up on content that might be. about that event or anything like that. But victim blaming, the thing about. victim blaming is you can do it both. ways, right? Like victim blaming like. with Hamas and Palestine and and Israel, you could go you could victim blame on. both sides. You could say the Israelis. were doing this and that's why Hamas had. to attack and you say Hamas attacked and. that's why the Israelis are doing this. and you [ __ ] people should have known. better and you [ __ ] people should. have known better. That's victim. blaming. Sure. You got to let people talk. Yeah.

And if talking looks like victim blaming. until people work it out. then why not let them. just stop people from talking. So what. are we saying? Are we saying that it's. just they can't monetize that? Well, then what happens is if you're not. monetizing stuff, you let people know. that unless they self-censor, it's going. to cost them financially. Even if the ads like like say if the. represents a company that is actually. interested in this discussion. and wants to know like what is the right.

what's the right perspective on this? Who's most informed? Who's looking at. this the most correctly? If you're a company and you're why. wouldn't you want to advertise on. something where people are just talking. about what may or may not be happening. in the world? And if you're going to do. that on YouTube, then you have to worry. about you're losing your ability to make. a living now. It's like ooh. Is that what happens? I don't know. I don't know. I mean is this this is. just a blanket policy in in case of the. most egregious offenses that all people.

agree are terrible and should probably. not be okay? But then who gets to decide that? What. happened to the frogs eating the mouse. and [ __ ] like that? Ron White, this is. the future of people being able to talk. [ __ ]. All right. That's what it is. No, I believe that you know It's kind of. the future of people being able to talk. [ __ ] cuz this is how it goes away. Right. It goes away through stuff like. that. Sure. It goes away through people. deciding that something's insensitive. which is like 98% of all jokes. Right. Yeah, you don't want to come to my.

You don't want to come to my show. I'm saying. Here's their examples they. give. Okay, here's some examples. All right, violations this Okay, what is. examples non-exhaustive? Ads that claim. victims of Oh, ads that claim victims of. sensitive event responsible for their. own tragedy or similar instances of. victim Okay, ads. So it's just about. ads. least for now it is. You know, maybe. they could switch it and be like now all. content but Well, that's completely. reasonable. If it's just about ads, that's completely reasonable. Right. Yeah, I guess you should want to.

be able to control how [ __ ] up the ads. are. Cuz that's kind of Well, is it? It's. just ad. They're just like you you can. still use other parts of the internet. that can still be used for advertising. You can't use Google Ads which is the. biggest part of the internet advertising. world. Right. They shut you out. Do it somewhere else is all they're. saying. Right. Cuz that's seems. reasonable. Yeah, that's pretty reasonable. As long. as they're not doing that with the. actual content of the the the podcast. cuz I do know that they demonetize. They.

demonetize people all the time if you. talk about certain subjects. It's It's. always been a problem. Is. And they they don't do that to you, do. they? They used to do it. Yeah, they. used to do it up until the time when we. switched over to Spotify and they. stopped doing it. This is specifically. under advertising policies. I think it's. kind of. it to anybody or they No, no, they do it. to other people. They do it to other. people all the time but they stopped. doing it to us for like 3 months. Like. where they didn't give us anything. We're doing the same show. Right. know any other way to do this. You got to sit down and talk [ __ ] It's. the only way to do it. If I change that.

for somebody that's going to censor. something or I'm going to lose money, like what are you talking about? Like I. can't change what I do. I have zero. interest in doing that. You know, and if I don't think it's. offensive then. that's it. That's the end of the conversation. you're pretty sensitive. Yeah, I'm. sensitive. I try to be sensitive about. these kind of things. It's just. you got to let people talk and just. because people disagree with you, it. doesn't mean there's something wrong. with them. Did you see that clip? He was. the way he was phrasing it was actually. kind of funny. He was talking about.

white frailty or white anxiety that it's. a public health crisis that white people. who vote Republican, it's just like an. opioid epidemic. This guy was comparing. the two. Here, I'm going to play it. You going to. listen to this, Jimmy? I don't know where this is. I don't know where he said this. I just. saw it on Twitter. And I'm like, man, you got to get out of. the house. You got to go hang out with. some different folks because they don't. have an opioid epidemic. There's a lot.

of people that are the conservative. people that are like really. clear-thinking people. Absolutely. Yeah, they just they don't they think. there's a this is a mess and they want. things to change and they want the rule. of law put back into place. Doesn't mean. they're on opioids. This is so crazy to. say that everybody who doesn't agree. with you is on a drug. Well, you know, and that that gets fired back both on on. both sides just of It's Yeah, because. you're going to now you're in a stupid. war where you're like you're stupid. No, you're stupid. You people are on drugs.

Who brought back name-calling? Was that. I don't know. If you had been taught. equality from the beginning, you. wouldn't be flipping out but that's how. hegemonic dominance works and so I think. that's why it happens and we have to be. willing to talk about that because it's. really unhealthy. This white anxiety is. a public health crisis in that regard. and that's why you know, not only we. were talking about in the other room a. minute ago before we came in here, you. know, that that it's not just the opioid. crisis that we think about with folks. killing themselves disproportionately. increasingly white working-class folks. who are. um you know, using heroin or using.

over-the-counter opioids. but they're political opioids turning to. a candidate who says you vote for me and. I will take away your pain. I will bring. back those jobs. I will make your life. better. That's a form of an opiate as. well. So we got to be honest about about. the dysfunctionality and the real danger. of the front slash backlash, whatever we. want to call it even for the people who. are you know, thinking they're going to. benefit from it. What you see right. there is a wild instance of someone. that's used to being around like a.

certain type of people that think a. certain type of way and think it's okay. to say it out loud. Everyone's going to. go along with this. And you put that out there to the world. and the whole world is like, what the. [ __ ] are you talking about? What are you. talking about? They're not on opioids. What are you saying? Someone's going to. make. dressed like that? You shouldn't My god. That doesn't bother me at all. It does. He's He's dressed like Idi Amin. would dress in a casual. uh setting. Let me see it again.

I didn't even think about how he was. dressed. I just thought about what he. was saying. That he he just dressed like. a regular guy. No, it's. No. Yeah, it is. It is. It looks like a car. heart shirt. That's No. That That guy. doesn't look paramilitary at all. Ron. White Maybe I saw it in his eyes. I. don't know. No. Well, it is kind of it's kind of a. Very very fascist. It's Castro. Come on. No, it's just a shirt with two buttons. It's just a guy with two buttons. good. It's like the guy's got suits on.

so why not wear a suit? Um he's probably. casual guy. Casual guy tuned into the. younger people. Casual Friday. You just. like that that's a crazy thing to say. and it's it's also it's not a nuanced. perspective on the whole race issue in. this country in this world. It's a silly. thing to do to say that all people that. are Republicans, that are these white. people are like on opioids and they want. someone to rescue them. It's so silly, it's so stupid to lump them all into. white people, first of all, because.

there's a lot of people that are. Republican that aren't white. There's a. [ __ ] ton of them, man. Go down to Miami. Those Cubans are all Republican. Right. They're all Republican. There's so many. Republicans down there. It's a silly. thing to say. And it's also a silly. thing to say that the people that oppose. you politically are just wrong, so wrong. that they're looking for a drug to. rescue them. And that like someone who. comes along and says that they can do a. better job is offering you heroin. I. think both the both sides have a really. difficult time understanding the.

perspective of the other. Yep. You know, there's just a big swing and a. miss and you can butt heads all day and. nothing budges. Yep. And you know, I. know some real smart, wealthy guys that. disagree with me 100%. And uh so when we're around each other, guess what we don't do? Talk about it. Right. Uh because there's so much more that. there's so many connections that we do. have. Yeah. You know, why I let that political thing. get in the way of friendship, cuz it. sure can if you let it, you know, it but.

Here's the problem. This is the number. one problem. People attach themselves to. their ideas and they attach themselves. to a party that their ideas most likely. have been adopted from. Most people's. opinions politically are conglomeration. of a group of people's opinions they've. adopted. Whether it's right-wing people, extreme right-wing, I mean, I'm saying. most, what is it? 60%? How many. independent. Environmental productivity. So. lot of people that are not independent. thinkers, is my point. Everybody almost. Most people. Right. So.

when you get connected ideologically, very personally, to a group of opinions. and then someone opposes that group of. opinions, they're attacking you. They're. attacking you. You take it very. personally and people are upset about. the way they phrase things in order to. try to win and it's entirely because. their self-worth is connected to this. verbal jousting that they're doing, which is. both productive and unproductive at the. same time, cuz it lets you find out. things are [ __ ].

But it does allow you sometimes to find. out if things are [ __ ] But on the. other hand, it's not smart. It's not a. smart way to communicate because most. people are in the middle on everything. Most people just want the world to be a. safer place. You want your kids to go to. nice schools. You want your neighborhood. to be safe. You want people to make. money. You want the economy to do well. You don't want any war. Yay! That's. That's the most important [ __ ] And we. want it to be balanced and we want it to. work, you know, for as many people as. possible. Leave me the [ __ ] alone. Don't. tell me what to do. You know, have laws.

in place to keep people from getting. [ __ ] over, but take your [ __ ]. hands-off approach. But as soon as what. people. don't understand is as soon as you start. developing all these different areas of. business and of life that have to be. adjusted, you have to be adjusted. And. that's like, you know, putting. like. DEI initiatives and doing these. different things where you're not going. to hire the most qualified people, you're going to hire people you want to. hire a certain percentage of people from. this part of the world and a certain. percentage of people from that. It's. like what you're.

even if you think you are doing better. for the world, what you don't recognize. is that this is a pattern of control. And this pattern of control that can be. used to manipulate people to thinking. they're doing something good socially, which they may very well be. What it. really does is allows control of. businesses in a new way and it allows. control of public perception in a new. way that can be manipulated to get you. to do certain things and get you to. allow certain legislation to get passed. that has the government have much more.

control over what you do or what you say. and how much money they get and money. for programs and it's you're locked into. a system now. And if you want to be a. good person, you have to follow this. pattern. Sure. That's where things get squirrely. And so as soon as people start telling. people how they can and can't talk, this. book's got to be gone. You can't say. that. You can't teach this. As soon as. that happens and the government steps. in, we're [ __ ] We're [ __ ] cuz if. they step in, they're not going to do it. for you what's in your best interest.

They're going to do it in whatever way. makes them the most money or cost them. the least. Well, there you know, there. something's got to keep this herd going. in the right direction, you know. And uh. That's what I thought. Let's just go. back to that answer. One day. One day. Mushroom off for the. whole world. Oh, yeah. Well, eventually. that organism will just take over. everything. It's really grows. well and it it'll be it'll just get in. your shoes and and it'll balance. everything out. Everything will make. sense. Yeah, you know what'll happen? It'll get.

airborne. The spores will get airborne. Start. getting people high all over It'll. problem we've ever had. That's what we need. That's what we need. Ari Shaffir created. Shroomfest and if he was more ambitious, that would be the number one festival in. the world. If he was more ambitious, I would have. heard of it, for sure. It's just an unofficial thing. I'm. joking around. I'm all for it. July of. every year. There's places now where you can go. where it's actually legal. Especially if. you Colorado, right? Is it? I believe. Colorado decriminalized it and I think.

Portland essentially decriminalized. almost everything. Yeah. I think or is it Oregon in total. decriminalized almost everything or is. it just Portland? There's some. the gloves are off in Portland. You can. whatever you like to. Yeah. Some ladies Some lady who was uh. she's either running for office or she's. uh Oregon's first-in-nation law. decriminalized possession of small. amounts of heroin, cocaine and other. illicit drugs in favor of an emphasis on. addiction treatment is facing strong.

headwinds in the progressive state after. an explosion of public drug use fueled. by the proliferation of fentanyl. Oh my. god. They flooded the streets. Yeah. Yeah, it's got to be it's got to be. legal and free. That's that's the only answer. It's got. to be completely legal and it's got to. be no cost to you. And that's the only thing that's going. to make it less profitable, which is. what drives the whole thing anyway. You. got to give it away. You got to do what.

the Japanese did to us with television. sets. Flood the [ __ ] market. Choke. them out. That's what you got to do. You. want to die over to heroin over to. [ __ ] go. You go, buddy. We're We got. too many of us anyway. [ __ ] take You. make the decision. Not a lot of people. make the decision to [ __ ] do it. to run for president? I'm not. I'm not. and. Listen, once you become a pastor, people. believe you more. Right. I know. I know. I know I'd be good at it. I know I could. do it. I'm good. Start pastor. When you're you are a. goddamn spring chicken compared to.

Biden. We can trot you out in a couple. years like fine polishing. Right. start we start the Christian not church. Start the church. Get that all sorted. out. decided Christian. We just said we're. going to do a big I think Scientology. That's what I was going to say. Ron? Get. him involved. Look, I'm down with your. craziness. Just let's be friends. I. could be you. Right. That's right. And that's the way. it really works. Comedic Tom Cruise. I. can hang in there for you. I can say listen. to need celebrities. That's for sure.

it sounds crazy on paper. Cuz everybody. believes it. But once you experience it. and you realize that Thetans are real. Have you ever seen the South Park. animation of what Scientologists. believe? Yeah, I think I have. I had the. you know, those guys just crack me up. Nobody laughs me makes me laugh like. those guys. They are the tip of the. spear in the culture war. South Park is. the tip of the spear in the culture war. They go after everybody forever and they. can get away with it cuz it's a cartoon. Right. And it's a super unrealistic. looking cartoon and they're. grandfathered in. yeah, there's no way you could ever. think it was real. And they're genius.

and the characters never get old. That's the most amazing thing. Best. I watch it all the time. You When. you have a cartoon that doesn't even. look remotely real, that character could. be that forever. There's no timeline. They're in They're in school for the. rest of their [ __ ] lives. That's the only constant in my life is. South Park. I can get 24 hours a day and. Fear Factor. Fear Factor comes on my television. Every time I turn it on, it. automatically goes straight to Fear. Factor. And.

and you have to turn it off before. something happens that you go oh. That's hilarious. But and I don't know. why. Is it a deal they made with Samsung. on these TVs? But that's what it goes to. and no matter what you were watching. before whenever you turn it off, turn it. back on, Fear Factor. Yeah, I got a. Samsung TV in the gym and when I turn it. on, it goes right to Hell's Kitchen. every time. It's always Hell's Kitchen. why mine's. I don't know. Maybe it's like if you set. it on a channel at one point in time, it. just goes back to that channel. Maybe.

that's what it I don't know, but I'm on. the Hell's Kitchen channel where Hell's. Kitchen plays 24 hours a day on my. Samsung TV. As soon as I turn it on. Before I go to ESPN Plus, it goes right. to No, that's what mine does, but it. does it with [ __ ] Fear Factor. I. would have like such a a terrible. opinion. I just sit around thinking all those. girls were pretty hot, but. I mean, that the Fear Factor like. everyone of them would look good in Do. you jerk off while you're watching Fear. Factor? I don't. I don't. Don't be I. don't want to be involved in this. I don't want to be involved in this. Not every time. I got to be in the.

something else had to have happened and. then, you know, Fear Factor just got in. the way. Gordon Ramsay, if I didn't know. any better, I'd think he's the meanest. guy on Earth cuz every time I turn on. the TV, he's yelling at somebody. Right. Every time. Every time. He's [ __ ]. screaming and yelling at people cuz. that's the stick. Like you could develop. a very bad perception. but he's not like that in real life. Do. you know him in real life? I don't know. Can't be. Someone would have beat the [ __ ] out of. him by now. Right. I think people have. I think he's a prick. I think you know, that's I think that's. the word on the street. What's the word. on the street? He's a prick. He's kind of a prick. I.

think to be great. I've never met him either. The guy could. be the nicest guy like a plate of. butter. I bet he's a nice guy. Yeah. He's a great chef. Great chefs are wild. people. Like people that create great. food or they're they're like great. musicians or great comics. They're wild. artists. They're different kind of. person. It is an art. I didn't really appreciate. that until I met Bourdain. When I when I. started talking to him. especially when after I watched his. show, I think that's when I first. realized. I was like, oh, this is an art. form. I was just to think of it as just.

good food. And you know, that was a guy. just I always thought. I would be his friend someday. You would. have been his friend. You know, I just. always thought God, you know, I just I. could watch that guy. He just seemed so. so honest and genuine. He I just. I I was into his life, you know, and you. follow him. That was great. I didn't. I wish I would have could have set that. up. I wish I could have got you guys. together. He's a great guy. Well, it's too late now, Joe. Yeah, man. Do you know I found out?

Uh Maynard from Tool text me. He goes, I. guess the celebrity jiu-jitsu match is. off. And I was like, what? Cuz he used to joke around about like. having a celebrity Maynard's really. good. By By Excuse me. By the way, Maynard just got his black belt. So, congratulations. Maynard Keenan from. Tool, he's a legitimate black belt. Oh, wow. Yeah, like really good at. jiu-jitsu. I watched him train in here. with with John Danaher before we did a. podcast. He trained right next door at. the gym. But uh you know, he's like like.

a really legitimate jiu-jitsu guy. There he is. That's him. Oh, wow. So, Ron White, that's your next. move. Jiu-jitsu? Jiu-jitsu Ron White you. Ron White. jiu-jitsu. I want a band. You want a. band? Do you? No, I don't want a band. No, you know what I want to do? I want to besides the religion Can I ask. you? Did you ever do the the show in LA, the Grand Bam Comedy Jam, whatever it. is? What is it how God damn God damn. comedy jam? Josh Adam Meyer show?

What did you sing? Uh give me three steps. Here's a great you know, they had that. electric violinist doing lead guitar. stuff and it was fun as [ __ ] and and uh. I think Bill Burr was that night playing. drums. Bill is a really good drummer. Yeah, he was I was [ __ ] shocked. Bill Burr is a really dedicated drummer. And and I and I got to tell you I killed. it. I. I I practiced it, you know, at the time. I was with a with a I was with a singer. So, she helped me get the beats on it. and with the the. thing that don't get outside of that cuz.

you can't get outside of that. You got. to sing it under this. I got to So, I. thought, you know. Nice. Nice. I impressed the chicks, I think, that night. Yeah, you did. That's a great song, too. Any Skynyrd song. That's a wild band, too, right? Think. about those dirty white dudes from. Florida. Yeah, I saw them in concert. when I was a kid, you know, at the. In fact, I think it's the same place. that Olsteen preaches at now. It was. Really? It was uh. What was it? The Houston.

uh. I can't remember the name of it. Something dome or something. Coliseum. Where's he at? I can't think of the name of it. Isn't. that wild you bought that for Jesus? What a giant How many seats is that? It's like 16,000, you know. 16,000 for. Jesus. But I don't know. That's 12 million. Joel Olsteen. Houston's Compact Center. Yeah. Wow. No, this was another step. Well, the church spent 90 million to. renovate it. They spent 90 on it. They.

got it for 12 and they spent 90. How dope is it? No wonder why they. didn't want the. refugees in there. I don't want to got. to get to let them in. 90 million. dollars for the refugees. No way. And and he literally said something. about they had just. Look at this. And these people And you. know, he basically preach preaches it's. okay to be it's okay to be rich. And. these people in that thing, they're like. that's what I want to hear. I want to. hear it's okay for me to have my hunk of. the pie. And I don't have to feel guilty for it.

And by God, I'm white and I don't you. know, and not that they're all white, but What are you saying, Ron? I don't. I'm just saying that. that that my my religion is going to be. different. What are you going to do? You. going to be poor? No, I'm not. Yeah, that's what I'm. saying. Like maybe. you could be the guy with 90 cars, but. still be delivering the real [ __ ]. That's the thing. Yeah, I don't have 90. cars. You don't need 90 cars. I got three cars. 90 cars is like 90. cars you have to keep like fixed. You. keep changing oil and [ __ ] up.

on them. I got to. That's too many. It's too many. Rolls-Royces. But if you're just going. to be some high baller guru type. character who really is connected to the. God force of the universe. That guy used to He used to have it all. He used to give people orgasms by. touching their foreheads. Didn't he give people orgasms by like. touching their temples and [ __ ]. He could do some wild. If somebody could do that to me, I would. follow them anywhere. I think he could do it. If you could [ __ ] I would I wouldn't.

care who it was. If you could do that, I'd be If that frog could do it, I would. follow that frog. That the the cult that you made me buy. the building, that guy did that to. people. He gave them orgasms. He did? Yeah, yeah, the guy was he was a. hypnotist. It's a great documentary. It's called. Holy Hell. people Yeah, he hypnotized them. And. then uh He changed his name. His name. was Jaime Gomez. But that was like. Nobody's going to go for that.

like a boxer on a undercard of a Canelo. fight, right? So, he changed his name to. Michelle. And then he changed it again when he. moved to Texas. He moved to Texas. because the Cult Awareness Network. already on his ass. on his ass. And after Waco, they were. cracking down. Like eat [ __ ] enough. of this [ __ ] After Waco, they were. like, this is crazy. These people have. guns. They're just [ __ ] everybody's. wives and they're stockpiling food and. preparing for a war, a Christian war, and shooting at cops. Yeah, nothing scarier than that crowd.

That's scary. When you get that. apocalyptic preacher guy laying. lying there with a bullet singing a song. for everybody. He really believes in. that that's a death cult. He wants to go. down in a blaze of glory. He wants to be. martyred. That's the scariest. There there's a. scaringness to that, for sure. That's a weird thing, huh? So many. people go down that road. of either starting one or believing in. one. It's like a natural inclination that. people have to just follow them. Yeah, all you have to do is look at what Jim. Jones was able to pull off and and there.

are people. complete complete complete control of. all those people to the point where they. killed themselves. I thought that was. the case. I think some of the people. were forced into it now. Now now that I. read into it more, it seems like some of. the They were forced. They weren't. forced to go to Jonestown. No, but they. didn't want to. die. I used to think they all just died. on purpose. But now I think a bunch of. them were forced into doing it. Um you. know, there's probably. when it when there's a mass death, there's probably got to be a few. reluctant people. Yeah, right at the end. going,

yeah, I didn't know you were. But this dude. serious. This dude, when the Cult. Awareness Network was after him, he. moves to Austin and then has his. followers build him that theater so he. can dance in front of them. The video's. online. I know that. I saw the video. He's a really good dancer. Better better than me. He was really. good. He's beautiful, too. Just wanted his robe. Yeah, good-looking. guy until later when he had all the. surgeries done. That's what got weird. He started getting old and he couldn't. couldn't deal with it. You got to let age come, man. Well, are. you a guru or are you a dude who's.

hypnotizing people and butt [ __ ]. them? Well, this is how we find out what. happens when you age. Right, which is legal. He was doing everything above ground. I. don't know if he had to pay taxes. Like. that's the question. Were they an. established religion? Cuz the only person that I know of that. it's actually I I know people have done. it, but the only person I personally. know of is Alex Grey, the visionary. artist from New York. Do you know who he. is? No. He. actually put together a real church. It's a church of his art. Is it the Was.

it called the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors? What does he call it again? Is that it? So, he has this insane art structure. that's in the woods in upstate New York. And Alex I know you've seen Alex Grey's. work before. I'm sure I have. I'm sure I. have. visionary, psychedelic, DMT type things. like that. Like this is his work. Show. his building, Jamie. Cuz the build No, no, I'm saying the outside of the. building. Because the outside of the. building, like the front doors are all.

3D printed works of his art. That's the. inside. It's [ __ ] incredible looking. That's what it looks like. That's what. it looks like on the outside of it. I. mean And this is also 3D this is This is. the Yeah, this is the CGI. But it does. look like that now, right? Outside this is a picture of that with. that thing on top. Right, you see I would I think there's. some other perspectives. Maybe there's. some other photos that'll show different. There it is. Like this is Oh, no, this. is the [ __ ] version, too. Yes, this is just what the front of. their website I think there is some. imagery somewhere of the front.

But whatever it is, like this guy has a. legit church. So, he has actually gone. through all the steps to create a. church. And worship him? No, no, no. Well, then. No, no, no, no. They just worship his art? I I would be. speaking out of turn if I said what they. worship. I think it's more of the. psychedelic experience in its most. uh. pure and loving form. If I had to If I. had to like boil it down to what they.

believe in, that's what Alex Grey. believes in. And all of his art, this is. all like these sacred tryptamine type. images. I mean, it He's like the only. guy that I've ever seen that captures. like certain aspects. this guy? Yeah, yeah, he's been on the. podcast before. He's really cool. No. [ __ ] Yeah, really cool guy. And his wife is really cool, too. She's. been on here as well. And look at all of. his work. It's like. It's amazing stuff. But he's got a real. church. This is the only guy that I know. that's actually made a real church. And. I'm like, oh, I believe him.

I believe him. That's not a guy who's trying to Joel. Olsteen in. He's not trying to buy 98. Bentleys. Right. That's really who is. He's just a real fascinating artist. There's a bunch of people that have Alex. Grey tattoos. It's probably like one of. the most common. Yeah, the grey haired. guy with the ponytail. Sweetheart of a guy. Wow. So that's an example of like. tax status down there at the church of. It's a good question. All right. I think. he got it through. I think it's a. legitimate church. Non-profit. organization formed 1996 to create a.

permanent public exhibition of the. sacred mirrors. Um but I think they got like a tax. exempt status. Yeah, file No, established in 2008 as an. interfaith church. Wow. Yeah. So from 2008 I guess they. established it as an actual church. Well, here it is. Well, what it said I'm. sure they do. I just don't know what it. is. Uh provides unique creative events and. workshops in a spiritual context. Like. what is there um what is it Do they Does. it say what they believe?

I'm on their vision page and we're just. Right. What is it? Okay, scroll down. What are we? Quote Scroll above that so. I can read the text above it. I would join just so I could hang out. there, you know. It's a place of contemplation worship. for community honoring the practice of. art as a spiritual path. Wow. Cosm site and structure provides a. living model of the ideals expressed. through the inspiring artwork of the. collection and the exhibitions, the. writings of the founders and invited. contributors. So they just take cool. artists and their art and they show it.

to people and their their spirituality. is based on creativity. Ah. And it's. amazing art, man. This stuff is. fantastic. And where is it? New York, somewhere in. New York. Um like New York state. Uh Wappingers. Wappingers, New York. Oh. Yeah. I think I'm in Syracuse. I wonder if. it's anywhere near that. Well, just go there. Maybe he's got a. course how to start a cult. I got a bus. Yeah, just go down there. and go look I'm going to start my own. thing. The you know, chapel of sacred heehees. and hahas. He may have classes.

Isn't Isn't like comedy kind of a form. of religion in some way? It is for us, Joe. It is. It is. You know, it's uh you you. you you find I I mean just making people. laugh is a good thing to do. It's a. great thing to do. It is. It's fun. And I can't tell you how how grateful. people are, you know, that. just how hard we make them laugh, you. know, that they it's just so much fun to. do. If you can even remember. to be somebody that wasn't a comedian. watching a comedy show and how hard you.

can laugh. at you know, at that experience when you. know, it just jar I I remember I saw a. Seinfeld one time. and uh in a comedy club, you know, and. he he had full-blown chops and it was. all never heard it before. He beat me to. death. I mean to death at the. uh. uh whatever the improv in Dallas, Texas. and. I had this table right off the It was my. birthday. I'd only been doing stand-up. for about 6 months. I wasn't in the. show. They just gave me the chair. He.

was making 25,000 for the week and WE. WERE LIKE, "NO [ __ ] WAY!". WHO NOBODY MAKES that much money in the. world. Yeah, doing the stand-up at a. club and this is the '90s, right? The. '80s would have been '86. '86. I saw Seinfeld for the first time. in '88 before I did stand-up. Like right. before I did stand-up. I was probably. maybe '87. I It was at the Paradise. which was a comedy club in uh it was.

like a It was a big place that was. connected to Stitches. So Stitches was. the comedy club and that was small. I. think it seat It would seat about 150 or. so and then the Paradise which is next. door was bigger but it only sat like. maybe 500 people. I'm just guessing four. or 500 people. And so Seinfeld was. there. And I took him with this uh girl that I. was dating and just [ __ ] cried. Couldn't believe how smooth he was. Yeah. So smooth. So fun to see. Back then, you know, he was doing. Yeah. all those sets, you know, all those sets.

every night. He's the one that said, you. know, a comic should be on stage. I. heard him say it every single day. And and that you know, Yeah, he's got a. crazy work ethic. That's the reason I tried to stay on. stage every single day was because of. what Seinfeld said. Yeah. There's something to that for sure. But. I remember back then like thinking about. doing stand-up I'm like, "Oh my god, I. could never do this." And then going to. an open mic and go, "Oh, I could do. this." Like the difference between like. watching crazy people bomb. You're like,

"Wish you Jenny said it best." He said. terrible comedy gives people inspiration. to try comedy. That's what this the. purpose it serves. I can for sure do that. He was a guy I got to see live uh. quite a few times. But I got to see him. before I Maybe I'd just done an open mic. or two but I was sitting front row at. Catch a Rising Star in Cambridge and he. was doing the weekend there. God damn, he was good. There was nobody better. than him, I don't think. At his. peak it was just so much power and So. much writing and so smooth and so many.

tags and just like just a consummate. professional. Consummate professional. Like he was a just a joke writing. machine, man. He could take any premise. any premise and turn it into a closing. bit. Right. It's crazy. And it was. that's what it was like It was like. watching somebody that had nothing but. closing bits, you know, and that's how. hard you laughed at the show. I've told. this before but I'll tell it again just. cuz it's so crazy. East Side Comedy Club. in Long Island um I had I went there the. I don't know if I was there on Sunday or. I was there after Jenny shows were done.

So when I got there the [ __ ] host was. depressed. And I'm we were all talking. like, "What's the matter?" He was Jenny. did a different hour every show. He goes he did two different hours on. Friday and then two different hours on. Saturday and he [ __ ] killed. And the. guy was like, "I want to quit comedy. Like what am I doing? What the [ __ ] am I. doing? This guy just did four different. hours and murdered." That's crazy. Crazy. I should quit. You watch something like that like I. mean he was like. he just people just forgot. That's one. of those ones like I know Chris Rock.

gives it up to him. Some Some people, you know, they inspire. people to quit. Yeah. He He definitely would raise the bar. He. definitely would raise the bar. His I. saw him kill at the Comedy Works. in um Montreal. Remember that little. room? That little tiny room upstairs? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I saw him kill up there. talking about buying a Corvette. How do you make that funny? How do you. make buying a Corvette funny? I have no idea. It was hilarious. He was murdering. He. was a murderer. He could anything any.

subject. He could find it. He'd find the. angle. Yeah. I remember the one thing he did it it. was just about a look in his eye that. whenever he. it's all he did was move his eyeball and. he and he would show you how far he. moved his eyeball and that's how the. fight started with his wife and but it. was just it really insightful and they. it was so subtle that it you know, it. was just so expertly [ __ ] done that. it just killed me. Yeah, he's one of the. greatest. killed me. Yeah, he's one of the. greatest. I got to write something down.

before I forget. Yeah. It's It's just so interesting to. think about the guys that inspired you. when you first started doing stand-up. You know, when you first started like. what that was like to see someone who. was really good at this thing that was. just like it was just a weird foggy. dream in the first couple times you go. on stage. Like how does anyone ever. really become a professional? And then. you watch a master go up and murder and. you're like, "Holy shit." And then you.

realize he's nobody. Yeah. there there are. guys that make him look like a. you know, like he doesn't know what he's doing. Yeah. But you know, I. there you kind of have a realm of comedy. of what you can see in in in in Boston. that would have been a much bigger. glimpse than you would get in Arlington, Texas. You know, you you got whatever. headliners came through the Funny Bone. chain and they were all great, you know, they all killed. Everybody in and nobody. really. went on to.

do. tremendous businesses at Laugh Boston. and me and Dan and. Yeah. the blue collar boys and there wasn't a. lot of guys. guys opened the door for a lot of new. guys that came after you though. A lot. of guys were inspired by that for sure. I hope so. But it's like you need a. community. You know, and Boston had a. crazy community. They had a community of. assassins that were local guys and then. new people were coming in every week. that were like big national headliners. So you'd have all these murderous local.

guys and then Don Barrera would fly in. for a weekend. You know, Bill Hicks. would fly in for a weekend. They had all. the like road killers. Like whenever a. big national act was killing it on the. road they would stop at Nick's Comedy. Stop and we'd all watch them. So they had the whole thing. It was like. a a perfect training ground for learning. how to do stand-up. Yeah, they never gave a [ __ ] about me in. Boston until I until I got bigger, you. know, then Yeah, but that's always how. it is. There was too many people there. Yeah, they they that's what they had. guys. It was like Denver. You know, you.

Denver never gave a [ __ ] about me but I. would look at their list of headliners. and go, you know, you got Louie. Anderson. They got all these, you know, big name [ __ ] comics and I wouldn't a. big name [ __ ] comic and I didn't I. didn't belong on that list. Yeah, it's just it is what it is. But. you have to have a scene like that. You. know, that's where that's where like. talent emerges from and that's what's. been really [ __ ] cool about being. able to do that here. Is that to take this place that had a. scene There was an Austin comedy scene. It's the reason why I came here is there. was already a club here. It went under. during the pandemic but it still.

existed. Sure. And it was always a fun place to work. And then to have a all of You were here. first. So you were the one Before I the. pandemic even hit, you were already. here. And you were telling me I [ __ ]. love it. I was like, "Damn it, Fron. White loves it. It's got to be something. to it.". Right. And you were like, "Isn't this. [ __ ] I [ __ ] love it. I [ __ ] love. it. Not too big, not too small. Everybody's cool." Like god damn it. And. I had already thought about it before. because of Onnit, you know, because the. the business is here. Is I'd have to. come down to do stuff occasionally.

anyway and I was always coming down to. do stand-up anyway, and I always love. being down here, but it wasn't until the. pandemic and it wasn't until you getting. on stage, that one time when you get on. stage and you haven't you hadn't got on. stage in [ __ ] forever and you grabbed. me by the shoulder. You grabbed me. You. go, "We are going to [ __ ] do this, whatever it takes. You can open up that. club." Right. I meant it, too. I know you did. I meant and still do to this [ __ ]. day. I'm behind that 100%, you know, my. effort and I talk about that club on.

the, you know, on the road in my shows. and just how much it, you know, how much. it means to me and how cool it is. It. means it to me, too. It means it to me. because you're there, too. It's it's. everybody together in this is a a really. exciting camaraderie. a It's a great tribe and and when when. we're That's we're blessed to have it. Yeah, it's very cool. Very cool. But you saying that to me that day, I. mean, I was going to do it anyway, for. sure, but that was an extra [ __ ]. turbo gear. That was an extra kick in the pants. I. was like, "Let's go." I made it some. extra phone calls,

tried to close it up, figure out what. the problem was. It was just we had a. big adjustment from moving from the old. place to the new place. That was a big. pain in the ass. Because we had spent a. considerable amount of time and effort, you know, architects were involved in. drawing up plans and people who'd gone. to look at it and then and when it all. fell through, like, "Fuck, we got to. start from scratch." Yeah. But And. everybody blamed me. Ah! Well, people. didn't believe it. That's what was. funny. But that's also what makes it. more fun when it does open. Cuz people. are like, "He's never going to do it.". Like, "Okay.".

Just sit back. Yeah, right. I've got some crazy plans. If I If I. hear you say you're going to do. something, I just got to go, "Yeah, how. long is that going to be? It's going to. happen quick.". He just I would have hap- It would have. happened quick. We would have had this. place open probably inside of a year. was perfect the way it did happen. A lot. of anticipation from all of us. It made. us all nervous, you know. The fact that. even with all that anticipation, it. still gets an A. Right. It still gets an A. Like we It does. I.

know it's my place, but shut the [ __ ]. up. Yeah. That place is perfect. Yeah, it's perfect. That place is perfect. We made it. perfect. And we got lucky that we got. the right people and the right. architect. Shout out to Richard. The. people that put it together did an. amazing job, and it's also like the vibe. there is so strong. It's very fun. It's. it's real positive. Well, you know, we. all feel like it's ours and even though. you you pay all the bills and [ __ ] you. know. Well, it it pays the bills now. They out. So, and you know, people don't know know. that 80% of the door from the goes to.

goes to the comics and so there's also. no opportunity for a comic to make money. that kind of money in a local gig at. home, anywhere on the [ __ ] planet. Earth. That opportunity does not exist. Well, it's not I would never do it if I. was going to do it for money. I would. never do it that way. That's crazy. Right. It wouldn't make any sense. You're making less money. I decided to. get in the comedy club business. Oh, wow. I didn't get in the comedy club. business. I got in the. the business of making comedy and and.

having a place for comedians. That was. the business was My idea was set up the. ideal spot. And what's the ideal spot? Well, the. ideal spot was that the comedians would. get the bulk of the money because the. comedians doing all of the work. They're. the ones who have to come up with the. jokes. They're the If we don't have the. comedians, we're just selling drinks. Right. Like this is nonsense. So, like it's. obvious like what people are there for. I knew that when I started to getting a. percentage of the door. I knew how it. works, but like that should be that way. regardless. Like that's the real.

relationship. You're selling what we do. Right. You shouldn't be getting 80% of. the money. 80% of the money should be. going to the comedians. That's crazy. There's so much money from booze. You sell money and alcohol. You sell. money and There's still money. tell the guy that owns the place didn't. give a [ __ ] about him turning a profit. My idea is just don't don't lose money. Just break even. Yeah, you know, I'm a. I'm 100% on a board. You know, it's. great. how it should be. And it's it And if you. do it that way, then it's really like. deeply in There's a commitment to this.

idea. Like we're all committed to this. idea. Just making the most fun possible, the most comedy possible. Do our best, have a great community, have a great. tribe, have a great vibe. We're all. feeding off each other and talking [ __ ]. to each other and having a good old time. in the back, and then it fuels us to go. on stage. We're watching each other from. the balcony. It's exciting. Yeah, it is. It's very exciting. It's. fun. It's It's the funnest thing ever. I'm very happy you're part of it, my. brother. hey, brother, thank you. Thank you. It's. It's great. I love being part of the. [ __ ] team, you know. I love you. Having you here, man. I love.

everybody. I'm going to In fact, I'm. going to headline the room Tuesday. night, I think, the 10:00 show. Beautiful. Are you doing the 7:00 show? Yeah, I'm doing the 7:00 show. I'll come do it. Okay. Beautiful. All right. I'll see you Tuesday. All right, love. you, man. Love you, too. Bye, everybody. Bye. [Music]. [Applause]. [Music].