Joe Rogan Experience #2075 - Protect Our Parks 10 (Part 2)

Joe Rogan podcast check it out The Joe. Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan. podcast by night all. day fights are nuts cuz all cats will. fight each other like if they find each. other out in the wild they're never. really cool with each other oh sometimes. they are they get buddies they're in the. neighborhood get buddies yeah but they. have to don't they have to grow up. together yeah it's like women they hate. each other y you know you ever noticed. how women don't have friends.

so you know who hates women the most. women girl. power who runs the world girls who runs. the world Jew I bought you that book by. the way what about all those who runs. the world Jew no the lizo book that I. say in the picture Oh I thought you were. joking Li's got a book is it a cookbook. I'm going to. read what was the book what did it. say I I don't I don't want any part of. this Chicken Soup for the Soul I was.

like I got to buy this chicken soup you. actually bought that yes I gave you. bloodlands you gave me. L that sounds like a Balan. offer bro I can't even read that Oh you. mean the lizo way yeah that way 100%. that book you need that's it I got you. that oh you got me that yeah I'll bring. it in next I thought when she got in. trouble it would just just blow a hole. through everything ah come on I thought. when she would they were coming after.

you think you're going to get a for what. for being a diva like what was the worst. thing she did I thought it was like it. would put an end like. DC we just enjoy she didn't do anything. yeah she's innocent also for real I know. it's like free. lizo Queen what was her accusations like. she made a performer shove banana for. [ __ ] normal [ __ ] [ __ ] baller [ __ ]. dudeo rules rul I've seen her puts on a. good concert she's good I've seen I.

although I will say I was actually. pissed when they made her twerk with I. think it was James Madison's. flute piss me off why such a [ __ ] I. kind of like it I think it symbolizes. the time we're living in I think it does. do it I think the sucks with a it's. maybe but maybe not it depends on your. perspective it's the most fun time to be. alive all right here's here's genuinely. it's like I get it I genuinely don't.

care about that guy's [ __ ] flute [ __ ]. him about. you married but I know why they're. celebrating it right they're like yeah. yeah in your [ __ ] face and it's like. come on dude the guy founded America. yeah yeah what did wrong like that's I. know they don't give a [ __ ] about. history. right and by they I mean white liberals. she played a 200y old flute Jesus.

that. zic that yeah I guess I don't give a. [ __ ] about it zero problem with. that she was she wasn't playing it like. recklessly only she was twerking while. she played it which is fine a manine the. street cred you would get if you spiked. it and said [ __ ] white. supremacy that would kill ja oh my God. that would be the most polarizing moment. in human history that would be big i' be. like wow I take back what the [ __ ] for.

the record I take back my opinion from. one minute ago I still think it Su I get. the thing that does suck about it though. is them covering it that's the problem. they're covering it because they want. you to be mad she might have been doing. it because like oh I'm one of the Pres. that's what they did the Smith the. Smithsonian was like you play the flute. you're a major performer we want you to. play the flute so she did. itle her butt a little is that the. biggest problem we have while there's.

[ __ ] drone bombings in Yemen and. invasion of Ukraine and like what who. gives a [ __ ] I that's where it gets. confusing she did what she does she did. first of all she did it in her underwear. yeah yeah costume I mean look look how. she's dressed go back to that please go. pleasee is the wiggling of the buttcks I. take it back if I mean imagine if they. approved that costume so they approv. this costume right it all back got.

Shadow she's going to run run for Senate. no I'm back I hate it this costume the. we're all over the place with this can I. hear how good she played it yeah she's a. good flautist she. is. flout she does love flute keep that in. mind it would be funny if they were like. this is actually a Native American flute. this is her instrument oh I take it all. back Mark now now I take it back now I'm. back in I take it back I think it.

actually rules she her one instrument is. the flute and she's like I'm playing a. president's my instrument she did it. well and so she [ __ ] moved her body a. little bites a [ __ ] that's fine I agree. with that Joe what does it say what does. it say what does it racist play dog. whistles what is the problem what the. problem people are having with lizo has. nothing to do with the. flu has everything to do with the fact. that she's a black woman playing F that. belong to a slave owner oh [ __ ] Rex H. dude what down you any positive.

stories here's my take if you're getting. mad at Li if you're a rightwing. conservative person and you get mad at. lizo playing the flute like that that's. leftwing you're the leftwing people are. mad at he's mad. at right wi people are mad that she. played that the rightwing people and. this is why saying whistles listen he's. saying that the right-wing people are. mad he's saying the rightwing people are. mad because she's playing the flute of a.

slave owner exactly what would leftwing. be. mad she playing the instrument of. theem you could go that way too because. the right-wing people are mad that she. is being disrespectful the angel again. the right-wing people are being mad Ari. Angel. Salazar the Jews killed Jesus and an. angel the rightwing people are mad. because lizo is supposedly being. disrespect ful to hisorical flute but.

clearly she's not being disrespectful at. all in fact she's playing it's got to be. M holding it very carefully she's. playing it well it's got to be left. people mad but she's right people but. she's being lizo while she's doing it. like if you're going to hire lizo to do. it what do you want her to do she's. going to do what lizo does like national. anthem I'm going to make J. [Music].

Li play lizo [ __ ] first song that was. good we're Team lizo I stand behind I. just took good DNA test Minnesota Viking. yes sheit does r yeah this all [ __ ]. actually rules it rules fat women are. funny don't get involved in the anger. just this song. rules yes this is a good tune how many. views oh my God you missed you missed. you almost broke my TV you [ __ ] idiot. how many on this song There You Go.

Perfect 5 million. that's you surprised this lady made. money eat a banana song slaps yeah it. does there you go this is a connected. crazy that her backup dancers are mad at. her she's. fun man that's always how it works. backup dancers always get upset but also. it's like how do you run the thing if. you dare your backup dancers how do you. run the thing run the thing like someone.

you know who's a tyrant or you you run. the thing like you a benevolent dictator. how do you run that camp I know keep. control these ladies they get out out of. line fat ladies wasn't she saying they. were losing weight who's she bringing. with but there was also that show that. she had danc those ladies on tour and. they their ankles couldn't sustain it. like you're out door now show D were on. tour these ladies were dancing on tour. wasn't it like some kind of crazy thing. my 600 lb life it was like a. no it was like these big girls that were.

dancing on tour they were all blowing. out mcl's and well that that just looks. like an airport look at that big dog. backport like these are Big Girls this. just looks like uh atck Saturday night. at get out there you guys see the guy on. the left whoa what's going on there is. that a guy is this the California. Panthers a [ __ ] H Foley Jesus Christ. Sumo team it's an OIC ad oh my God.

she's a fun lady yeah yeah she's a fun. lady we got to get her on here no no. yeah I I highly doubt she'd be. interested in that I think she would I. think she might stop herself but she. would be interested because she [ __ ]. rules well listen man like you watch all. that that's fun that's all fun to me I. don't have any problem with the way she. played that flute she was really good at. it good flute who else is doing Rock. flute it went to the 70s nothing till. today Fu they also must have.

like green L it like it's not like it. was her idea of course. they it was the gay they were saying it. was [ __ ] liberal ass liberals. Smithsonian liberal ass Smithson so they. wanted it to happen because they wanted. her to play the flute of a slave owner. is that a president yes they did they. wanted to be like we did. it and then uh but kind of didn't they. do it they do it isn't that like okay to. celebrate like isn't it I mean isn't. that a weird thing I know I agree it is.

a weird thing I mean it should it's kind. of pretty badass that like IM most. famous black artist is playing is. playing a flute of a guy who owns slaves. imagine being at the concert that's the. most American thing POS it's pretty. [ __ ] America yeah imagine being at. the concert and this guy she's playing a. [ __ ] president's flute and you're the. audience go I don't know how I feel. about this well nobody in the instead of. going this rules rules then I saw it on. Twitter and I had a couple drinks and I. was looking at it and I was going I. don't know how I feel about this I. thought show it would have been like. this is I was at the show where she.

played the [ __ ] president's. flute that is cool they're not doing. that in Germany yeah they're not do it. in Germany they're not playing. uhak harmonica it really all depends on. your right he's just doing the [ __ ]. Imperial March on Monica although I will. say if if some Jew ripped a [ __ ]. electric guitar that owned that Hitler. owned it would be it would be cool. Monica. Lewinsky like if somebody let Paul.

McCartney play Napoleon's piano yeah I. mean that would be pretty [ __ ] dope. to watch wait did he attack us Napolean. I don't think they ever touched America. took over America they took American's. youth that's right ruined it well they. stole black rock and roll and then they. came over here and corrupted our. [ __ ] oh the. briti The Beatles bro their [ __ ]. story from Hamburg is like one of the. wildest stories ever what they went over.

to Hamburg Germany and and they they. played like 6 days a week eight hourss a. day small club for like 2 years and they. came back to Liverpool and everybody's. like what the [ __ ] happened hey are you. guys so good they got good if you drink. that I'm going to punch you in the. stomach water you don't like he drinks. water. Ohio Ario that's like that's stolen from. a the Hamas people that's don't don't do.

it what are you doing now all right. don't piss in that go to the bathroom go. to the bathro go to the. bathroom Jesus Christ dude what the [ __ ]. what happened you B one ew your piss is. so yellow so unnecessary you're so. unhydrated I know that's not vitamins. this is way worse than lizo okay squeeze. it now get out of here put it down put. it down you got to top it off it he's. topping it off like gas station man.

Jamie I hope you're getting a zoom on. this no no no cut this. out zoom on this CTIC head why are you. doing this cuz I had to [ __ ] pee I. didn't know how much just go out no. don't piss in the [ __ ] not on one of. the you're not going to make Itor it's. also a small hole you're going to make a. problem I done this plenty of times now. I agree with Dr. Gay all of them this is [ __ ] up dude.

this. is I'm going to get. up beat you fatty on the uh. oh shaking it at the end Ari Joe he. thought it was a competition oh he's. saying he's going to beat you it's a lot. of urine I got out urine there more. urine than I expected I'll be honest. what are you doing I can go longer. without peeing you could or die trying. why don't you actually drink this time. I've had six of these.

competition well now you got to hold it. the competition's all ruined cuz Ari. just pissed in front of us that's true. why' you do that he's a psycho I've seen. Ari piss more than I've seen any other. man piss in the entire 56 years I've. been aive seen no one. piss I've seen already piss on air like. you had a pie chart of all the times. I've seen it would be. like a few. drunken shadows in a back Alleyway of a.

bar where a bunch of guys are pissing. together you're Kelly it would mostly be. Ari. pissing it's just easier you can piss. it's not. easier why don't you have a bathroom. right here why don't you I piss at my in. a bottle pee and I was leaving I was. like it is kind of a good point I have. to do all this yeah I finally saw it saw. I can't get what you're saying and the. piss tapes you know who has a good is uh.

Stan Hope Has a Ural right outside of. his bar at his house really outside it's. just as it's a literally a urinal attach. there's no piping it's just to the fence. that goes outside hilarious that's. hilarious yeah it's a good one I hope. he's all right though I I know I think. he's doing I think he's doing good is he. cutting back a little I think he cut. back that's that's your better days I. think he chilled on smoking sigs right. yes he did and then somebody just told.

me he killed yes he opened up for Bert. in uh Worcester went out there as the. mayor of Worcester ah it's his home said. he destroyed yeah so he he's like. Worcester standup it's like Worcester. material hell material. for I love him to death stand up rules. pissed on me one time he's one of my. favorite people that I've pissed on my. [ __ ] look at him the mayor of Wester. H yeah he looks good he's he does look. good he's an animal he's great he's got. some of the best standup like just over.

the years yeah what is it the one no. refunds he's got great points no refunds. is like a I saw a king king in Hollywood. and he goes you know I make fun of. everybody people ask me like how come I. don't make fun of Jews and I thought. about it and I was like I mean that's. that's a decent Point here's 35 minutes. on. juice went chunk is incredible it's a. masterpiece what the je chunk he has. yeah oh my God. he's just a real deal yeah great he's a.

great comic he's a great guy what you. see is what you get there's no hidden. [ __ ] he is who he is 24 passion wise. I love it yeah he's just he went silly. like and he went silly In Our Lifetime. like it like happened someday one day he. started wearing these suits and I'm like. what are you doing with the suits and. he's like I [ __ ] went to the thrift. store I got some suits I like it I I. like it too I he's just saying hey guys. I'm not going to take any of this. seriously yeah I'm having fun you just I.

won't do it he's having fun he sold out. a when when I started comedy it was like. the internet was still weird but he was. all over it and he couldn't get a thing. on Netflix or whatever and he just sold. out all these theaters in New York and. we all went to every show wow and it was. great but I didn't know you could do. that you needed Gatekeepers back there. you needed to get Comedy Central Tonight. Show huh well somewhere along the line. people realize that that they can become. The Gatekeepers yeah yeah and that's. what we're doing exactly he had that he.

had an offer for San Jose Improv like. we'll give you 2500 for the week I can. do that in one night at a bar show and. he goes oh wait I can do that one a bar. show yeah and they started doing that. everywhere just do yeah he got a mailing. list he and he also just like stayed. himself yeah yeah no matter what. happened he just stayed himself he. figured out a way to stay himself and. not everybody does man we we were. talking about this last night like like. negative examples people just went off. the rails off the rails it's just like. you got to figure out a way to go. through all whatever the [ __ ] you're.

going through and say okay this is. what's happening to me but I'm still me. you know and and some guys can't do it. man yeah try to be something you get a. brand going you got to keep it up and. it's you can't keep it up forever. that'sand why you in a brand I get it. pissing a. bottle it's your brand dumbass like why. you going to the bathroom you pissing. bottles it's your brand dumbass what are. you talking about that is your thing but. that's a smart Buffalo the plastic one.

that's way more impressive tiny if you. drink it you'll be the king of skankfest. oh no. no God I was terrified I almost vomited. imagine if you drank it Jesus Christ SP. the ice is still [ __ ] hot then would. Dr it the guy who did uh the baby bird. he would drank it he goes I'll eat all. this if I get an internship job for free. I to make money he was already an intern. oh really I thought he got to hire an. intern that's how there there was. nothing to gain he did it for props to.

gain prop and he got the props but if if. this is your brand is this you got to be. this cuz you're already 71 so you got to. be this guy I got to you want to go pee. with me. Norman I'll go PE with I'm very. comfortable you win yeah clip it you. know what's fun [ __ ] ASD Joe Rogan. yeah he was so nice were a different guy. that was fun he literally we were. standing there with Jamie he was like. Jamie's the best yeah he was so remember.

I didn't hear that I know Jamie you went. home and jacked off to that compliment. Jamie how hard did you jack off dude. scale of seven to 10 just last night or. today just last night about it Jamie oh. lowkey. funny low key oh my God G bump Jamie you. are such a [ __ ] dude now that Joe's not. here I'm gonna tell you the truth I hate. you going to get deleted now that Joe's. out here I'm going tell you the truth I. [ __ ] hate you heard you're a virgin. can't get it up Jamie you got a little. [ __ ] tiny penis dude.

Fu ping keep it going bully shut up dude. you [ __ ] Dr gay dude you keep. bullying me oh I don't bully you dude. your friendo he's like a real FSU fan. over here oh F you no they deserve to be. in for real try yeah we don't deserve to. be he tried to bully me he bullied me. earlier in the football season cuz he. knows I like notame foot notame fighting. Ash he tried to bully me and then his.

team. got in front of everybody and everybody. laughed at them the Seattle. Storm. yeah this year I'm a Michigan football. fan really yeah this year that's funny. CU they are literally the Jewish team. are they yeah a lot of a lot of Jews go. to Michigan yeah really yeah it's the. Jewish team a lot of M Jews go there I'm. also a Tottenham Hotspur fan Army yeah. yeah I was in I was in edor like you got. to start watching uh football league and. they're like what Arsenal and somebody.

goes no Tottenham they're like yeah. Tottenham is right totenham yeah. especially that beard you arm me what's. up cama jeu what I miss yeah that much. you. are Jamie's a [ __ ] no we we were just. supporting J Shane is starting to get. real nasty it's a good thing you Shane. was getting nasty J I was not getting. nasty Shane claims nastiness and others. a lot but he's quite often nasty do you. think YouTube would allow us to show. piss on your desk. yeah it's got to cover the [ __ ].

we'll make it as the seventh day of. Hanukah is oh don't be. sacriligious please don't be. sacriligious manora lebia Majora oh. Jesus Christ I can't believe I have to. handle your piss thank God. [Laughter]. for it's so warm you're going to die. real soon whatever is going on inside. you can't be fixed by sign could beia. bro it's everything once they were like. you have it they just felt the.

cup Scarlet Letter se's window how they. know they're like this is too warm to be. healthy comia boiling piss. boiling remember when you first got. Comedia and you're pissing go two. directions you're like something's up I. don't know what it is I never got it. honorable discharge how weird is it it's. going around steaming right along how. weird is it that there's diseases that. can only be trans limitted through sex.

yeah AIDS that's God no that's other. ones no AIDS AIDS chamia def but no. that's needles too yeah well that's any. I'll quote Sam kennerson name. one yeah well you. got they say it's an inec Garr HPV HPV. heres yep only trans wild ones the ones. that kill you like syphilis kills Sy it. makes you have holes in your face and. you see your [ __ ] Jawbone and is that.

right or rer I bet it was worth it. though I bet it was worth it it was. worth it syphilis was one of the ones. they brought back from Native Americans. that's the one that [ __ ] up yes they. had it yeah what happened was they had a. form of it that existed in Europe that. from people [ __ ] animals but then. they got another one when people went. over to North America and they [ __ ]. Native Americans and then they went back. and brought it to Europe there seems to. be some evidence in the 1400s that.

started happening right after guys went. back from n from North America they. started getting and people start getting. like holes in their head and [ __ ] they. they have holes in their faces there's. like these really ancient drawings of. what people look like when they're. suffering from syphilis imagine scary. dud [ __ ] a hot chock to back then. though 1496 that must been hot speak the. same language you're just banging some. lady in a teepee that's wild and then. you get some disease that makes holes in. your [ __ ] scalp this is show images.

of people dying from syphilis Jamie like. holes in their head did you what did you. do take the piss jug I just ruled him. oh I didn't know you could get a STD. from a Native American and again I'm not. exactly sure about the thing I've been. told two different things I've been told. that it existed already but then I've. been told that it's also there different. strains that the one that existed in. Europe was very different than the one. existed inth going to the [ __ ] doctor. at the Bob Hope Clinic you have to take.

a rod down your [ __ ] [ __ ] hole and. they didn't have antibiotics back guys. just still going for it they guys are. still like I look at the holes on. people's faces yeah this imagine going. to church without your face and like no. it's uh from a toilet seat this is also. how Al Capone died Al Capone died of. syphilis rotted his brain yeah well. really look at Jamie show photographs of. people uh dying from syphilis it's. [ __ ] terrifying man really it like. makes you rot holes in your [ __ ] head.

and now we got we got a penilla yeah. look at that guy look at that guy's head. look at the top of his [ __ ] head. man that's what crocodile does yeah real. similar crocodile Russian drug eats away. at your skin so your exposed bone. [ __ ] face is gone it's kid what are. you going to go why dress up why every. wear a button down shirt if you're have. that God that's so terrifying what else. you going to wear a t-shirt that's a. terrifying disease how did the kid get. it how did he stay still for a [ __ ].

dude there's a bunch of different. diseases that before things like. penicillin they just killed everyone. they just killed you before they come. came up with antibiotics people were. [ __ ] do you know that if the Spanish. Flu happened today yeah that they would. be able to cure all of it with. antibiotics really yeah I was listening. to this podcast they were discussing. what was the cause of the death of. Spanish flu and it was a bunch of. different disease es that would be also.

caused by this compromised immune system. from the flu like you're getting. devastated by this flu and then you get. like empyema or or something. tuberculosis or something like that but. they were saying that whatever these. diseases were in a modern hospital. setting if you came and you had them. they' give you antibiotics and you'd. probably survive W do you think that. would be with Co 100 years like just. give them like muscle thle I mean well. the Spanish Flu would just kill. everybody yeah there could the co thing. was there was a lot going on with that. but I'm saying wouldn't they have some.

new medical thing they like oh you just. give him a shot of this 100% they. definitely would yeah but it also would. be like why was everybody so sick yeah. why was everybody so. vulnerable yikes we're lucky to be alive. now and in this country we're also we. like what the co thing should wake. people to [ __ ] up to is that this whole. thing is super fragile and you think. it's not because it's not right now cuz. right now Ari can cough and I could. [ __ ] unzip my or pull my [ __ ] cord. and adjust my seat and everything's fine.

but if right while all this is going on. we got hit by an asteroid like right now. oh yeah yeah exactly all your safety all. I just did 10 push-ups ain't can to help. you now we could just be chilling and. you could just hear a subtle boom in the. distance like boom and that's a five. mile wide chunk of iron hitting. China and then the whole world is [ __ ]. the whole world is [ __ ] for a million. years yeah and we probably don't survive.

and what probably survives is crows. crows probably evolve and just crows and. cats crows grow thumbs and their wings. start having hands on them and they. start making buildings yeah just like. humans came out of. shrews I was just in Yucatan they said. the whole Gulf of Mexico is just the. comet you didn't know that you stupid. idiot and all theot you didn't know that. he. to you didn't know that already [ __ ]. dumb [ __ ] [ __ ] Sheamus yeah that was.

just a theory until like I think the 80s. I think if you look at a [ __ ] map. it's obvious kind of yeah but they had. to figure out things like core samples. and [ __ ] they had to figure out aridium. aridium is the big one e we haven't had. a stop doing that dude everybody's going. to use that it's or a com we haven't in. a while but it's inevitable it's not. boys dick you little 100% inevitable. just come just get us already well the. thing is it's like every June and every. September we go what is it the Leonid.

Leonid uh Comet showers we we go through. these things every June and every. November I think it is how was that it. hurts America is the best country on. Earth it hurts the throat yeah it hurts. the throat it's so. cold can you imagine how gay you'd feel. if you were from another [ __ ] country. well if we did this podcast in Canada. we'd be in jail straight jail straight. jail straight up jail piss the Taliban. would be if we were in Afghanistan.

having fun like this. America the left and the right would. hate us they hate our freedoms yeah if. we were in Afghanistan doing this like. first of all you cussed they must watch. our porn and be like this is pretty good. second of all you promoted a woman [ __ ]. goes sideways what if Saudi Arabia steps. in and buys protect our. Parks it's Tak people to put on the. Francis andato Tyson Fury fight they. step in and go listen guys America is. Fallen. accept that you can either accept.

that to a place where we have zero go to. give me those glasses back you accept. that move to a place where we have zero. crime I know you did you switch already. are you guys switching glasses like. little G have I been wearing them the. whole time yeah what you talk am I. [ __ ] yes what do you mean what. happened I think I'm just [ __ ] I got. these from your house. yeah guys Saudi Arabia I been I. performed for the troops in the.

world Saudi Arabia is the best number. one UAE I'm with you Saudi Arabia is. number one that place is a bummer Jo. Biden agrees I went there and it's just. sand and murals who murals of weird guys. and turbin and [ __ ] it was a real. bummer it was sad Jesus Christ just. ruined our deal with Netflix oh we're. trying to go to Saudi Arabia I was. performing for the. troop that's even worse dude we got to. start supporting it was the Taliban yeah.

there we go we got to start supporting. those guys cuz we're going to have to. make the jump dude is dead the move is. we need to get in the oil business got. to get in oil we got to start drilling. it's where it's all at protect our Parks. oil imagine we have protect our Parks. gas stations how many Bros would only. get their gas at protect our Parks gas. stations wor can you imagine oh here's. idea that's when they would all arrest. us if we branched off into gas St he' be. like hey [ __ ] here's an idea we get one.

stripper we get one stripper we keep. them there's a stripper inside the gas. station she's dancing on the. pole I would. go it would just be Mark doing puns. that's what it would be every guy named. Philip filling. up. gas fart gas digital gas station yeah. gas station what's that lizzo's. butt that's not bad got to use that for. real. gas station that's what killed Ari's.

family is this the only time in your. life where you uh can't uh un really. predict what the world's going to be. like in two years you can't anymore it's. so fast now it's so fast now '90s. Fashion's back soon like seven years ago. fashion will be back excited about the. fashion what the [ __ ] you talking about. everything goes faster and fast 70s was. in 5 years ago then ' 80s. it makes you wonder are kids younger.

than us real young going to go the other. way yeah and go hey we should uh oh. they're off Instagram are they yeah. they're like this sucks everybody's. angry at each other let's go let's not. work let's go out and [ __ ] hike are. you one of those guys that has like. idealistic views of the younger. generation they're like gayest version. of dudes possible gen Alpha like this. next generation's going to save us the. next the next Generation always blows. Millennials sucked next one after that.

was like hey our [ __ ] older sisters. sucked we're due for we're due for a fun. group we're good for we're in due for a. fun group drinking during 911 about this. idea of generations just a collective. group the collective group of human. beings is only pushed to action when. they have to be and if everything. collapses and if the corruption and the. chaos is so bad that you don't feel safe. ever yeah then we'll do something. every step before that you get more and.

more cowards that figure out a way to. hard guys make soft. dicks wait a minute hard guys make soft. soft dicks soft dicks make hard. guys Ah that's. it you know this is like a [ __ ] cycle. of nature they they they talked about. this in anci in Hindu text and the VAS.

this is like this is the cuga this is. the cuga this is Thea this is the age of. confusion oh like they figured it out a. long time ago there like these these. These Times where people are working. towards something and then they achieve. it and they get too successful and. things get weird and and then they start. creating their own [ __ ] and not. appreciate and not not practicing. gratitude and it all [ __ ] comes. tumbling down greed yeah they're like. we've accepted this already now what's.

wrong instead of going hey it's pretty. great huh at least we get to talk about. it we to talk about the hard times cuz. in Gaza Strip they're not bringing up. gender yeah they're not at all very good. point very good point yeah they're also. they're also not very divided on whether. or not kill all the Jews is okay to say. yeah I mean it's like I'll be honest if. I was a guy in Gaza and they blew up a. [ __ ] block of a city I'd go it's time. to kill all the Jews yeah yeah sure I.

I'm I'm close anyway and I nothing's. happened to me I know I do that in. Brooklyn you already hate me is like I. bet one and he ain't great that's I'm. just joking for the record I'm just. joking around we're comedians you are. the Creator and founder of shroomfest. yeah oh true and isn't it isn't it kind. of amazing that they're really is a. solution yeah to World conflict the. really is a solution to world conf. conflict if we really made every world.

leader if they all got together and you. know we we obviously you wouldn't have. everybody come together can't be the. whole world they have to be protected. otherwise it' be bad actors who' take. advantage [ __ ] sleep camped down. somewhere something you guys love Camp. make them make them all do it do. mushrooms have a good time everything's. safe musht and then have someone talk to. you about things yeah we're going to. have some speakers do mushrooms the. whole. weekend and some really calm people talk. to you about alternative.

ideas I think it's July 21st weekend. this year there you go I think when did. you start it Ari 10 years ago maybe uh. Jamie Jamie play cool music you should. keep that folder always open when this. part's gone actually play Christmas. music no America [ __ ] yeah I know. America [ __ ] yeah but also this is the. holiday edition it is a Christmas. episode so maybe we should start Bing. beers for America also Christmas what. song got a point. setly jolly Christmas whoever whoever's.

bonging gets to pick the wonderful. Christmas song um doesn't Mariah car. have a Christmas song you're going have. to for that one let's go so she'll be. mad yeah her up okay who. else no that's it okay that was singing. we get in trouble for that one Jamie I. like the waitresses so will they come. for us I'm skipping hit this is good. it's an ad this is an ad it sounded nice.

you guys can't get the ad free this is. like. you Nat. Kingo uh oh yeah 50 Cent doesn't care he. like 50 Cent what did he do he just go. yeah why you distracting us for 50 Cent. I'm sorry I'm sorry 50 rules I just want. to's hilarious he's hilarious why don't. you subscribe to the premum I I do have. it I've never got this is like when you. [ __ ] a roll with Pandora ad comes on. yeah I've done that for me.

unies oh my. God WX at their point oh look at that. guy wait for the drop guys this is. Christmas and this is back when uh Black. Folk weren't allowed to do. stuff this is a duet with John Legend oh. that's a new vers this is not what I. want give the. original maybe it's good I mean I'm sure. it's awesome if it's to play any Spotify. song here you better be we don't even.

know you should have a. Spotify let me be honest the while I'm. drunk the only way to do this properly. is to not pay attention that's smart. James Brown I pay attention to almost. nothing you got to hand to Spotify they. fired Megan Markle Bruce Springsteen. Obama and Kardashian. Obama yeah but they also hired them yeah. true yeah well they took a shot they. thought it was a need.

we tell them got a point seta here can. we enjoy it the thing about. podcast this is. important it's not as easy as it seems. It's like standup and in stand. up but this is what I'm saying because. in standup people are talking and you're. like I can talk I see Ari on stage he's. talking everyone's laughing I can talk. too think can do no it's not Str you're. not wrong you're wrong genuinely I.

watch I watch I watch AR on stage and I. go I can do that [ __ ] I've never. seen somebody on stage more that I've. been like wait him I can grow a beard. I'll do. [Laughter]. that oh my God I inhaled cigar oh [ __ ]. sus do not in Hell laugh too hard Dr Gay. over there Dr Gay she's so gay too. she was she was so [ __ ] gay I can't.

believe I took in cigar smoke ah come on. you've taken in. worse set up punchline come I dropped my. left hand what song do you need Dr what. was what we just talking about the best. song is Sandler Adam Sand's Hanukah or. the waitress's Christmas Rapp no you got. to go Sandler oh Sandler for Hanukkah s. let's do it [ __ ] man I love s we. never discussed it love s I think. Sandler might be the goat might be the.

goat I justan he might be the goat ran. to him when I went to New York for the. UFC we I landed at the airport right. when he was about to leave and I ran. into him that guy's the [ __ ] man he. might be the. coolest genuinely nice Sandler is so. genuinely nice to come to schwarzen. parties and just hang out just be chill. dude I've known that guy for [ __ ] I. don't even know now like more than 20. years he never got serious been so. genuinely nice great guy my daughter.

loves him because she during the. pandemic we watched a bunch of his. movies. CRA shut up he's telling during the. pandemic like when everybody got locked. in their houses for [ __ ] two months. remember those days pic we we watched. nothing but Adam Sandler movies cuz it. was like something that I would enjoy. and they would enjoy we'd all enjoy it. together so we watched everything we. watched water boy we watched everything. Billy Madison.

is Billy Madison Happy Gilmore. everybody's number one Gilmore is the. [ __ ] true true true connoisseur yeah. water boy you can't beat it they're all. but they're all at the same level py. Valen you know who's not a fan is uh the. Harvard president Hamas Hamas water can. you all right death. to I don't I don't I don't want to get. controls water boy but here's the crazy. thing if you look at like the reviews. like like professional critics if.

professional critics review Adam sailor. movies they're horrible about so stupid. it's stupid and silly why called a. special if you don't like the Zohan if. you can't watch that movie and laugh. your [ __ ] ass off then which is about. the conf we're not looking at the same. thing yeah like you can't pretend this. is [ __ ] Apocalypse Now you're either. on the side of funny or against funny. yeah if you don't like if you don't like. huie Halloween you are the dumbest.

[ __ ] of all. time are that bike H Halloween is so. [Music]. [ __ ] there you go. Jews that's good for the Jews that's all. you Ari it's been a while since you guys. caught a. w well they're doing all right in. business. but everything else is not great.

Athletics that was a good win porn my. management team yeah same obviously yeah. if you're doing if you're doing well. they know what the [ __ ] they're do get a. good they know what the [ __ ] they're. doing Susan Sarandon got a got a nice. taste of a little Dural up her ass what. happened she got fired for what for what. she got let go for making some Hama. stuff that go from what being old oh God. but you know everybody wants to be a. [ __ ] political activist just stay out.

of it just be like Sandler just stay the. [ __ ] out of it he stays out stays out. and just keeps making fun stuff making. fun stuff always either on the side of. funny you don't care or you're against. the funny and they don't care either. like if you can't Susan sandon. apologizes for a terrible mistake of. making anti-jewish. comments just like Will Smith just said. actress got caught up in [ __ ] and was. like oh people aren't dude caught up in. attention if I was up there and they. handed me a mic and they were. Palestinian Flags I would say the.

wildest [ __ ] y I would be like. yo here are rules yeah K and killing juw. there's nothing yeah I would get caught. up too I don't even eat pork yeah FR. shout I am. delivered. delivered I don't eat pork no more dog. suck I'm not gay no more I am delivered. deliver.

deliver I don't date women I only date. women I don't want to wear a. purse he's just clearly specifically. naming what he wants to do what is this. we need a bomb Factory in every. hospital not I would not put on makeup. he wants to put on makeup so. bad a woman. talk about this now watch the dancing. listen y'all praise God with him hold on.

wait a minute somebody believe God with. him I'm not gay no. more let's kill. [Laughter]. Tony this is Tony and red man every. day I'm not gay neither am IAH. man Jordan Peele is.

cooking Lord really does look exactly. like some shown up. Believers yeah show I'll get one to this. you get at the beginning I'd like to get. one to this keep going we got oh what's. the what's the song Tell those people. this is my song here we. go I'm not gay no more I am delivered. he's delivered make that a gift I damn. that was quick com wom. [Laughter].

wom I really need. sunglasses I would not put on makeup you. got to do it I'm not makeup he he just. lists everything he wants to carry a. pures wow oh yeah look at that he's got. to be a comedian now how's he doing. J is he still going we got on the asell. would you be you think about what. [ __ ] it doesn't go away right you.

don't just cure gay you think what Angel. Salazar did with Scarface that dude. should be able to do with that YouTube. video exactly right until the sunset. probably same amount of. numbers I mean that's that's as funny as. it gets I I would literally pay to see. that guy after being delivered from. homosexuality Andrew calwell says he now. has a girlfriend do you see this lady. like confus look at his outfit look at. his [ __ ] out girlfriend's big.

mic we all we all we all look very. heterosexual distraction us yeah the way. we're dressed we're all we're all het da. Mari right I went to a [ __ ] EDM show. that doesn't count that's the gayest. thing I've ever heard you show me Jamie. what was up about nothing who's the hold. on who's the gayest one in protect our. Parks oo who's the gayest. I think you would I think you would do. some gay [ __ ] you've made out with big J.

where's the whiskey no I didn't oh that. was Lewis that was Lewis Le you just. took your dick really made out with them. but yet no one worries about either one. of them being gay yeah that's why it's. funny they're not gay they're doing this. gay thing that that's one of the. beautiful things about the comedy. community nobody gives a [ __ ] if you're. gay if you're funny no nobody gives a. [ __ ] of you're trans if you're a girl if. you're a boy like no one cares about. anything dud the gayest dudes are so. funny gay guys are funny Jack is like. let me do something super gay that is. hilarious yeah that's straight dudes I'm.

talking like the most gay dudes like te. Mato is so [ __ ] funny he's a funny. guy Mato is the the like band leader for. Gay funny [ __ ] rules yeah he had a. joke he had a joke I don't know if he. put it out whatever if he didn't delete. it ruin it he had a joke about he he. plays Call of Duty him and his gay. friends play Call of Duty and they're. like in like looking at like like ooh. look at the.

wallpaper call of. booty come of I could not stop playing. Call of Duty gay I am fortnite is a gay. version is so gay it's the only game. where you're shooting and decorating at. the same time you're literally mid. battle you're like St fire we need a bay. window I'm like. what Call of Duty they want it to be so. real to the point when you go in the. battlefield your commander yells at you. he's like all right everyone your. mission murder everyone and I'm so naive.

I'm just like I played Nathan Lane in. the bird cage I'm like like I'm. so and this is a feature I don't even. understand how this is legal this is a. everyone's wearing headsets right so you. can only hear your own teammates but in. Call of Duty when you kill someone else. on another team you can hear 3 seconds. of their audio so all you hear in the. battlefield when you kill someone is. like. and I'm so naive I'm like how do they.

know he should be able to say it he's so. good well clearly can why don't they why. they beep that out it doesn't. matter there's a couple what a stupid. world we're living in I can't wait for. mind reading Bring it on Bring It On. expose. everyone Joe we cannot have Reading Plus. legal acid we can fix this mind reading. is bad mind reading is going to result. in your woman is in a women are going to. be. segregated why why if you brought dude.

what would happened if you meet your. your best friend's wife and in your. head's like yeah I'd like to [ __ ] her. from behind like and then they know. better going be dis you're going to have. to learn how to curb those thoughts. homeboy never going to. happen. happen this is what it'll be this is. what it'll be there'll be like many. layers of what a thought is there's a. thought about you have to categorize but.

the early days when it's like Mark comes. in dressed nice shaven I'm like oh [ __ ]. that wait what but it's you are the gay. one dude I knew you were nasty and gay. have you seen I thought is this this is. a movie with Tom Holland and Daisy. Ridley who was in uh Star Wars that they. the Sci-Fi thing is exp it's explaining. what you guys are talking about men. men's thoughts are out loud and women's. are not and this movie I thought it was. very interesting but what you're saying.

is what is happening well Chappelle had. that old bit when he was for sounds like. a little [ __ ] in this movie that's. hilarious she ran away in the woods he's. like I'd like to hold her down and [ __ ]. her no no no just one part of. me's trying to talk you [ __ ] animals. Chappelle a bit when he's 14 about how. superheroes he's like you know what if. black or Batman went to a black. neighborhood where's the car Robin. whatever but he had a great bit about. Wonder Woman has a lasso of Truth so if. she scooped you up you'd be like nice.

tits that was was 14 yeah but it's true. that's what we would think yeah if you. could do mind reading we'd be. [ __ ] would we be but isn't the problem. is that we can't read minds like. shouldn't people adjust the way they. think about things no you can't help it. I bet you can't if technology arises. here's the thing we think. that's what about are you willing to. give up Google on your phone are you. willing to give up Google on your phone. you're not Google is fine yeah you're.

going to get to the next Google the next. Google is mind reading Joe what there's. no way if in your head get in there Bro. Look. [Music]. Around listen a lot of meat recipes hold. on I really am pretty consistent cook. meat so oh here's another jalapeno steak. a I'm really into reverse here but lady. comes up to you a hot lady hot lady.

walks up imag looks directly into your. mind you're not. going. night literally every single no part is. like well if if we get deal with it if. we get M reading right every single. woman is hot lady walks up to you and. goes I think I don't have to work. anymore if I can that would be that too. be that too. whatever she looks goes like this guy.

like he's a sweet guy yeah I don't think. we need technology for that I could make. myself love him imagine you're a married. woman on a treadmill and then you look. over and you're like oh there's Jerry. Seinfeld maybe I don't. have. I look out online I can suck his dick. into a full future yeah that's gonna be. a thing it's so easy we're so vulnerable. cuz we're all like like women are so.

like a hot woman like a really hot woman. is so [ __ ]. powerful take it easy anyone else hard. really why' you just say like when you. see Lauren Sanchez and Jeff Bezos you're. like I get it yeah and they know who. who's a trick from Transformers Megan. Fox oh yeah just like you can do. whatever you want with anybody yes St. Ros was talking about her the other day. oh. it's like yeah like like. angular just like like Superior genetics.

like eyes why are you talking soft yeah. why you trying to get us hard yeah come. on Joe I'm going to take these. headphones off if you keep talking. sexual sorry boys who just who just did. the uh Transformer. voice what voice you guys do that your. head buddy oh that was me sorry all. right nice that was good I just [ __ ]. around but yeah we can't have too much r. a little ignorant is bliss you need a. little bit of yeah but that's not going. to happen man I'm telling you that's the.

bottleneck the bottleneck is end of. society you'll need some it'll be so bad. it'll be way worse we think social media. is bad we think social media is bad. where we're like everybody shouldn't be. talking the last thing I want is to. bring my. girlfriend around my friends and listen. to my friend's thought of like [ __ ]. I'd [ __ ] her I'd [ __ ] her of course well. how about this I wouldn't [ __ ] her would. also be terrible yeah how about this how. about tell you. what AR I've never heard a better Ari.

yeah whatever. uh that's I mean that's that's the worst. yeah you bring a hot you think all these. guys wait why guy why does that guy not. and then a guy you bring your girl. around the guy goes. ew you go well I'm I have to kill him. imagine a guy or how about this when you. you you see your friend he's with this. woman and you're like oh that's going to. be the end of him yeah or that oh your. buddies mad at you Jesus Christ that's.

the one we've seen that one we've SE so. many times go that be the end you hey. it's been good hanging out with you the. last 10 years we're not going to hang. out with you anymore cuz you got some. [ __ ] controlling lady yeah damn I've. seen some guys who had real potential. and then all of a sudden they they got. involved in some some woman. and and then the woman forces them to. quit their job and get a regular job. we've all seen that one you know you. need to get a job oh my God he's at the.

[ __ ] Verge so many guys aren so close. in comedy anymore because of that yeah. for real but if you're a woman honestly. honestly if you're a woman and you're. banking on a dude to pay the bills it's. soft how many women have saved all of us. from some just [ __ ] [ __ ] lingering. around what do you mean what do you mean. [ __ ] I'm saying like a a lady going. like so there's a guy you started with. that sucks and then a woman he finally. meets a babe and she goes please God.

stop doing standup you suck oh good. point good point we're like he's. annoying everybody have a nasty woman. there to ruin everything yeah wounded. antelopes can't walk by the water hole. crocodiles take them out it's we need we. need that's why the crocodiles are there. for every guy who could have been. something that got taken away by a woman. there's seven guys who need to be taken. out yeah there's way more way more. antelopes where the crocodiles live.

that's funny they they talk about how. like behind every great man is a very. strong woman behind every complete loser. is a truly strong woman that crushes. Spirits right like it's totally true. it's so true some smart woman was like. stop what you're doing you no future bro. well also it's like that's a weird. dynamic when the woman has all the power. yeah like I I I was I was [ __ ] around.

on stage about uh McKenzie Bezos was how. she married a science teacher like. McKenzie Bezos divorced Jeff Bezos she. made like $ 38 billion and she married a. dude worth. $3,200 I was like this is like how is. this going to work and it last it lasted. 16. months [ __ ] tapped out you can. pretend for as long as you want but you. don't like that's that's it's a hard. [ __ ] that's what women should focus. on is guys who have potential but don't.

know it yet let them build business and. you just I was with you from the. beginning I supported you AR he's. pissing again holy [ __ ] but if you're a. woman that's worth $38 billion like what. do you do you worth that much money. exactly what do you do like what are. your can't any man but women like a. successful list you're looking at it. wrong you should be nurturing the loser. L you're looking at it wrong you're. looking at it wrong I'm looking at. that's a big head on that uh a woman who. has 38 billion doesn't need anything.

from you so why would she listen to. anything you have to say all she wants. is big dick every NBA player every white. they have every hot actor they just get. an Instagram [ __ ] influencer none of. them get a scientist all right I got to. ask this I don't know that's 100% 100%. but at a massive majority they don't get. any smart piss yeah that's a lot I'll ad. that the. other Jamie can you play uh Joy to the. World by Nat King Joy to the World I'm.

just going I'm all the boys and girls no. no definitely to the fish in the deep. sea joy to you oh here it comes dude. this is this is a. j oh that's way different than. ours look at him look at him go damn. that went down easy thumb up Shane Dog. you know what Shane you have a fun. and let me tell you something bro you. got a fun thumb what do you mean cuz.

your fun your thumb doesn't go straight. up your thumb goes all the way back look. at that extra angle you have I don't. have that angle I got it yeah AR's got. it AR's thumb is. crazy Jamie I saw you throwing thatum up. dude you got no curve on there J got it. Jamie's got it hard J oh my God that's. insane you guys all have fun thumbs. except me fun thumbs fun. you and I it's pretty close yeah you. guys have unfun thumbs my ears are.

connected I get that all day online yeah. that's a weird one you you look at Biden. what's the difference hitchhiker's. thumb if it if it doesn't go all the way. back into serial. killer hyper mobile you might have. hitchhiker St bro when I was in high. school I remember there was dudes there. was dudes that could take their thumb. and and push it all the way to their. forearm remember that's insane it can. you do that got oh my God you can do.

that easy big fell is that touching your. forearm it is oh my God mine's not even. close oh I can't do it on this hand Jam. he used to be able to do it I I heard. you go I can't do it. anymore my shit's not even. close comfortably thumb how which way do. you go bad this side's better under. whatever way you can go under hands here. you get it there no no bro I can't even. come close I'm a solid inch and a half. away. inch and a half away th I can't even get. any closer than that Jamie I got a.

request for the next maybe an inch. literally just said that Christmas. rapping Christmas rapping why what. that's another weird one some people. could do weird can you just play ning. Cole joy of the world well pre- internet. double jointed guys we're King we're. King what the [ __ ] is that nominated. grammar school like some joint you're. like w yeah dominated grammar school. they were the kids schol the guy who do. the flip up of the eyelids remember that.

guy oh yeah that was a big one that was. a big one there was no ENT clip Up of. the eyelids freaked everybody out yeah. that thing the inside out oh that was a. big one that was a big one we had to. make fun remember the batwing with your. dick you remember the first guy that. ComEd I got a spider remember that guy. when yeah you go God damn that guy's a. freak what do you mean well we had a gr. we had a guy in my group of friends that. came came first and then he got like. Harry dude my boy hit puberty like a.

year and a half before all of us yeah I. I like the background how old was he he. was my age what was the age that you. both. were BR my. age drunk what does that though aren you. back in time with me right now oh my God. look at this stack of Bud Lights no no. no this is everybody's shut the [ __ ] up. two of those are. Aries oh my God I'm taking a picture of. that no no no guys have shut the [ __ ] up. that's amazing no no uh some of those.

are are bong it's everybody's everybody. [ __ ] I'm putting that [ __ ] online give. me give me that BB I'm the king of. misinformation uh king of. misinformation shout out Mike I'm. spreading that Mis misinformation shout. out uh Mike Connelly he got he got pubes. and hair before all of us an Irish gun. and then he played uh he would call my. house and he would go like hey is Shane. there. and my I remember my parents being like.

no who is this oh really yeah yeah did. you guys jerk off together oh yeah we. all did we did that I did that I like no. guys it's fun you should try it I get a. lot of [ __ ] for that online everybody's. like no one did that like I did sat in a. room all the guys all the guys who say. they didn't do it did it I understand I. understand why they think it's crazy but. they didn't have friends I guess so if. you had friends and one guy had porn you. jacked why wouldn't you share it why. would you share this awesome Shar a. sweet treat VHS tape well we got the Pam.

and Tomy tape mailed us was a big deal. we all got together got covers when I. was a kid the VHS tape came out I was a. kid in high. school and you could get porn and like. other kids started getting. porn sharing porn at school we [ __ ]. trade porn with each other and remember. VHS tapes it was an orange tape or a. blue tape it was colorful the little. pieces of the little [ __ ] adhesive. You' be able to write on what it.

was exactly bro it was difficult to jack. off back then no it wasn't you just use. your imagination back then right I said. if you want to watch Fast Times on high. good enough I know that was I'll tell. you what I'll tell you what you jack off. to that now you've got a problem yeah. now it's like you're girl's young yeah. really whole point young how she was in. high school right but when you were. young girl it was like I. scho too lately me and that guy were. both Jack andol yeah we've all we all.

did that oh that guy was my acting. teacher in La yeah what did he try to. convert you to Scientology no no I. wasn't one of those schools that was in. uh. Silverlake big thing with the acting. schools man is Scientology really a big. thing W or something like that a girl I. dated went to a Scientology acting. school right I had to go to this [ __ ]. thing and watch oh my God one of the. things that was fascinating was they. they'd have these moments where they.

would just like they'd give them the. opportunity to do whatever they wanted. on stage so they call it like a private. moment they would go up and like pretend. to read a book and like cough it was. like it was so strange I was like what's. going on here like why is everybody. Scientologist and then Callen was. involved in one I bet and call told me. about it and he said that like dude that. everyone was sent what is this oh Phoebe. Kates yeah Phoebe Kates was so pretty so. hot quit the fire that up J she's around. 17 or 18 during filming all right.

definitely don't film it up don't throw. don't fil it up wow that's a classic. scene her coming out of the christmasing. guys I got a question what was your. favorite Christmas gift dude not your ex. come on dude obviously I'm out you had. some good moments in. Hanukkah you got a you get a candle I'll. tell you mine yeah go ahead I got I got. nothing forever and then uh what do you. mean nothing I got. your parents didn't give you gifts yeah. I mean they just it just sucked it. wasn't good okay and then one year one.

year 8ighth grade hooker I got a. TV in the guest room in our house they. had like a TV room now and then they got. me a PS2 whoa that was number one that's. pretty good have you ever seen the black. kid gets a fake my dad hid the PS2 what. do you mean so I opened all the gifts. and they were like that was what you got. this year I was like all right yeah. great socks underwear and they go hey.

check behind the couch PS2 Grand Theft. Auto that's nice see now that' be filmed. and have you be like oh sucks like down. they build you up like life that kid. gets a fake Xbox like you got an Xbox. little blackhe it's me is that jie you. Jamie my Nintendo. look at this [ __ ] house look at the. Woodstock thing in the back.

wow music shitty TV on the floor that's. a great TV with a system I don't like to. think that there was a Jamie before I. met. him Jamie he just appeared From Another. Dimension I can't believe your parents. love. you that was nice you were young when. you got that good [ __ ] yeah was about to. turn six we had a tough Christmas up my. parents got us all uh garage sale [ __ ]. yeah and we we open it we're like. oh a used wrestling buddy with stains on.

it [ __ ] what's a wrestling buddy what's. a wrestling buddy wrestling buddy you. take up to your room and you cut a hole. in it and you [ __ ] it it's a it's a. stuffed animal Macho Man Randy Savage. and you know they spent a lot of money. on it and they saw your they saw your. [ __ ] there they are y damn I look. like I look exactly like St. C's oh my God Jason stop laughing yeah. yeah he used to [ __ ] the [ __ ] out of I. all over those oh my God those were the.

two I. had got some mess those oh my God this. is hilarious the Hulk Shir with the Hulk. rulle shirt on well that's the thing I. got used ones they had jizz on it and. and stains God you're going to [ __ ] it I. that's a real problem if they ever. really do invent robot [ __ ] dolls I mean. just think about what they're able to do. now with face swap song go my song first. you give him another one go we this hav. a all right I'm going to pee again no.

yeah I got to pee I'm. hydrated I'm feeling really healthy I. will I will say you've changed since our. Chan you tried to push me to the brink. class I could but I no youed could but. you didn't what's the point I will say. just be Joe as a listener you pushed me. the brink one time since then you've. been peeing every episode I broke you. yeah you broke me I just have to PE. yeah you broke it put on hav Aila for a.

sha. damn shotgun that Beacon Theater January. 27th shut up you [ __ ] January 27th go. see Mark nor shut up shreport tickets. are low all right go Ari hav Aila hit it. baby. nice put it down ready yeah I do. actually yo for real though free. Palestine there you go yo look at me in.

the. face free paltin you mean they they have. been since 2005 free pal guys I'll be. the palace to find ARS January 13th K it. out I'll be in Temp and Tucson this week. get tickets at ara.com Denver setting. the record for shows in R sha.com from. The River To The Sea where you set the. record Denver Straight sold out shows in. Comedy Works doing two straight. favorite Club in the country two. straight weeks first week of March.

second week of March first week of March. is on sale now setting the record best. club in the country why would they go. anywhere else Palestine Pro people go. bomb that yeah pal are welome you pay. 1.25% go bother him protest protest. outside it be great for great for. sales Boston Toronto on sale this week. there you go mar.com. yeah all. right the shotguns go down so hard so.

fast the throat it hits the throat it's. like the brain freeze yeah it's cold. well can you explain what brain freeze. is cuz I always thought it's when you. whiskey here you're up brother I've. never gotten it brain amount of coold oh. you never got it I only get it in here. where it hurts here where I got to go I. I get it like into the temples you don't. get in bra is a myth it's it means the. roof of your mouth yeah you like a I get. it in here like two cult after a Slurpee. but I never get it in anywhere up here. me NE it I think people have a hard time.

Discerning what the we the you coward. did you back it's his turn it's his turn. your all right I think people have it's. so much pain back here that you think. it's in your brain yeah I think it's. flaring from the back of your throat and. it's so hardcore that your brain is like. holy [ __ ] what is this cuz it's like. literally like your floor is rattling. like what is going on down there why is. it so cold down there immediately brain.

slurp like the CLI slurpy though but it. gets you in the throat where you're like. warm up I kind of get it in the back of. my brain you do yeah I kind of get it. nice Mark Norman nice Mark Norman you. know what's funny I get I get uh wow. brain freeze anytime I do Coke really. you ever get that in the back of your. head not on coke no you ever snort. something and it hurts kind of the back. of [ __ ] when I move fast sometimes I'm. like ow what is that speaking of coke. Hunter Biden's in trouble is he holy.

[ __ ] the days that they're going to do. Hunter B movie and it's going to [ __ ]. rule cuz his life [ __ ] rules cage. Nick H Joe give me that oh yeah he. should Nick Cage is Hunter Biden I think. he spent. 827k on hookers he rules he should be. Donald Trump isn't that what you do when. you win the. lottery the dad president Lottery this. is the thing what's your dad do my dad.

does oh the the ultimate it's like. winning the lottery it's like winning. the lottery if Dad's never around my dad. was second in charge he went to First In. Charge there you go he knew the black. guy my dad sold bottle caps and I still. got. hookers J yeah yeah know can't judge him. you can't judge him what's your song Joe. the same song okay no what get a. Christmas song let me. think I don't know an actual the last.

one just whatever comes to your mind. Chistmas Jingle Bell Rock yeah that's a. good one jingle who does it. ismc Christmas and H that's we go Run. DMC Christmas and Hollis is up there. it's Queen number three it's number. three all time Christmas and Hollis. let's go with. that all right but keep that hard sorry. my bad Jamie bring that up he's just. Googling.

it wait for. it wait for the drop oh there it is the. December 24th in Hallen yeah it's. wonderful very nice come on fire it up. it's crazy that Aerosmith had to had to. throw them a bone no it was the other. way around they need they need a street. cred interesting. yeah it was December 24th on H the dark. when I seen a man chilling with hisg at. the I My Heart full ofar at a little.

reindeer that's very fun shotgun that. Joseph come on this is your era yes. Joseph there Joseph sucks it man well. done buddy we're going to be [ __ ]. I'm we're already you [ __ ] dude me. and D Roa went to see them the world. needs this let me tell you something. boys rarded the world needs this right. now the world needs this kind of four. [ __ ] four level stupidity that we.

provide dude me and jeros went to see. them at at Forest Hills and uh it was L. Cool JS like rock the bells and they're. like saying everybody's got to stay on. time run dmc's there in Queens and. they're like hey we got to wrap it up. everyone's behind and whoever the leader. is I don't know whichever one they're. older here he goes no we're not getting. off we're Run DMC and this is Queens New. York get the [ __ ] out of here hurry up I. don't hurry I'm Run DMC and this is. Queens you're going to wait that's. exciting it was so [ __ ] cool I will.

never have that I'm like I got to get. off got it than you got to go you got to. go all right thank you thank God the. weird thing about shows is people get so. controlling yeah it's literally the. opposite of entertainment yeah he was. like what's that what's what oh times up. oh cool. thanks like. n what that. water dude trying to balance out you're. always the biggest coward you I've been. going more liquor I six seven eight or.

nine of these why do people describe you. as. cowardly Jamie what are you doing to it. can you find there's only one coffee cup. in this whole room oh you have coffee. Hillary Duff sleigh bells want some oh. yeah Jam can we get some uh more coffee. I a. mug these get hot these get hot. here ride yes that's the one oh Hillary. Duff got hot Hillary Duff got a little. thicky o I like her this is for the.

troops there you go thicky Dicky he's. going to piss in that. too what do you got oh my God Ari Jesus. Christ don't piss how much how. you hell yeah hit me there JoJo rabbit. give me just a little caffeine thought. he was look. at here we go hey hey remember she threw. that bong out the window Duff. Riders I'm into it thank you what am I.

looking at Hillary Duff got [ __ ] fat. ass it's duffing. season holy hell it's good it's helping. everybody the whole country's coming out. of what was her uh Disney show she had a. show or Nickelodeon something um she was. a kid that's the one nice p p is this a. good one yeah it's. fun I wasn't a pedo back then dude I was. a ped myself when she threw that bong.

out the window in Manhattan what out of. an upper story cops knocked in her door. took a b a glass bar big one and just. chucked it out the window legalization. whoa there something with the moue tears. rules they get hot. R uh Timberlake's hot Bry spear like. they all get hot AG agil Britney spe. yeah all of them they all got hot. pressure creates diamonds there you. go har loves.

diamonds Joe just Diamond what was your. best Christmas gift skateboard you got. skateboard yeah I was so excited when I. was like love to see Joe [ __ ] Oli. different Amanda B Amanda B that's what. I'm thinking she rules [ __ ] Hillary I. knew Hillary Duff wouldn't do something. like that Hillary is a wild stallion. who's that lady Amanda. say she's back in the news today cuz I. think she announced a podcast oh really. good everyone listened to it yeah all.

you have to do is throw a bong out the. window you got AR's vote oh she's the. best AR is super simple who is she. Amanda B she was on like nickel she was. on like the the the witch show or. something and she's throwing bongs out. the window out the window in man I'm in. I fully support her work thank you Joe I. knew you would I like what you're doing. yeah those kid stars are fu. yeah but make sure it's like doesn't hit. people in the. head who whoa is that her that's her now.

yeah okay I'm I'm off the train great. I'm off the train damn no you're back on. dude that's all in the nose ring the. face tattoo like slow down he news we. might want to look at different. [Music]. options I knew this I knew this was. going to be a good podcast this is a. good one how about George Santos he got. he got expelled De Santos.

Santos George Santos mom's in the. Holocaust dad's a 911 he did the whole. thing what he PA up a lot of stuff and. he got elected oh that guy well they. like VI he. awesome There He Go uh in talks with. Federal prosecutors about possible plea. deal oh my God he's in [ __ ] he'll on. here soon bro it's so wild that crazy. people can get all the way to like. positions of power like full on [ __ ]. insane people he's like turns out the. voter class is [ __ ] so here's the sh.

it's if if you're going for like. lowlevel stuff yeah yeah like city. councilman who the [ __ ] is paying. attention who's going to say whether you. li paying attention well I was actually. a what's he saying War he's on Cameo I. want him to say happy birthday to me. before my birthday he's got to be. Fortune yeah for $300 you could get that. yeah is that what it cost bet 500 500. are you allowed to post it on Instagram. I don't know yeah they don't Cameo. doesn't stop anywhere from posting. anything they're the worst that'd be a.

funny post if I only like had him. announce all my tour dates Joe Joe is. going to be at yeah. IM oh my God ruin my Christmas present. every. [Laughter]. show I got to find a new one every show. every who if you had one person that. would announce every show you ever did. who would it be ooh. what are you. alling by the way remind me of that.

after the show's over Annie Hall there's. a scene where the other guy his friend. goes I had two women last night 16y olds. pull it up that's great really it's just. a different time it wasn't even like can. you believe it's like they put it out as. big as they could have yeah Tony nobody. cared that was his name wow different. times it's crazy looking at different. times the way the slavery was accept the. way like smoking on [ __ ] late night. was like man whatever smoking is now. like a a label like hey watch out.

there's smoking in this movie wow not. even anal just. smoking you not even. anal Cameo is a good question what do. you mean who would you pick who would. you pick for what to or like all time o. all your. OJ you do. Donald I mean if I could get Trump if. you get Trump for a th000 bucks a date. you would do it yeah yeah oh yeah pay.

for itself 100% you go straight to aren. Shane's Rich he can get a th a show rich. [ __ ] or show Rich listen to me Shane. I'm Rich As [ __ ] you drove here to. [ __ ] Mercedes I didn't think I was. going to make any money but I thought I. was definitely going to be a dead. [ __ ] guy well you got a like a hot. hot mom car that's a nice nice car. what are you talking about that's a no. that's a dude who understand he's got a.

Dodge Caravan luxury thank you Joseph. that's a dude I. listen tell him about our test drive. tell him about our New York. [ __ ] hold on a second Mark Norman Shane. Gillis I came to your [ __ ] house and. I took you to the Mercedes dealership. really tell him about my test drive with. you I would have I would have literally. never bought a nice car what did you do. Joe open it up Joe Joe has literally. every single thing I do I need Joe Rogan.

going do it. [ __ ] I'll never do it I need Joe to I. actually I need Joe to see my [ __ ]. closet in my house it's a nice closet my. house with your only six pairs of no I. have nothing I have like. two yeah but that's that's something. important what's important was like you. you were telling me thinking of getting. a nice car I go let's get you a nice car. get a nice car he goes you go with me I. go [ __ ] yeah I'll go with you and so I.

know a lot about Mercedes I love them I. don't even own one but like never gotten. one I'm I'm just a giant fan of. engineering it's a great car dude that s. class is the. [ __ ] it's the [ __ ] because it's fast. enough what do you want a [ __ ]. racetrack it's fast enough and it's this. luxurious. see when you pulled onto the highway it. was like the pickup was great no regular. Char you're traversing through these.

Lanes these in a lap of luxury [ __ ]. New York Guys these New York Guys these. days minutes ago know I'm joking I'm. joking but I will say you guys are. [ __ ] complete losers I got a beamer. yeah I bet you do I got a city bike R I. got a yearlong city bike as much or more. about that car I knew as much or more. about that car than the [ __ ] dude who. was selling it to you but I was like.

dude you got to tell him how fun this is. he it he didn't know [ __ ] I was telling. him like dude this is four wheeel. steering let's go dude Joe took me in. his Porsche once and he was like let me. open it up we just went on the [ __ ]. 101 it wasn't even like a test track and. he's like let's go and I got to the. point like Hey Jo Jo I'm actually pretty. frightened you got to slow it down did. you see the Super Truck beat that want. you to know that yeah yeah the Cyber. truck cyber truck sorry yeah that was.

crazy towing a Porsche beat a Porsche in. a drag race in a big ass truck a. 2023 Porsche 911 and then you have a. cyber truck towing the same car and. beats it in a race look at this what so. it beats it in a drag race and it's. [ __ ] towing a car that be. 100% real listen to me. man seconds the fastest car I own this.

is the Tesla ultimate commercial and by. the way if it wasn't Towing that Porsche. it wouldn't even be close right that. thing gets to 0 to 60 in like under 3. seconds and it's 7,000 lbs it's. immediately at 100% immediately. immediately it's also it doesn't have. gears it doesn't have gears there's no. Shi Leo Thomas this is Leo Thomas a. that's the breast Troke Leah Thomas it's. not even close it's not even close Leah.

Thomas could carry a woman behind her. and still win the gold medal I know a. lot about regular cars like regular. combustion engine cars there's only one. car they can beat that in a drag race. and that's the Dodge Demon there's a new. Dodge Demon what is it the 170 I don't. know the Dodge Demon there's a new Dodge. Demon that has over a thou you could buy. it from a [ __ ] Dodge dealership it. has over a thousand horsepower it goes. one 0 to 60 in 1.6 seconds what it's the.

fastest car that's ever been made look. at this [ __ ] thing Challengers. [ __ ] rule dude this this thing insane. wow this car is insane holy hell 0 to 60. is what. 1.66 seconds wowow 0 to. 60 crazy from a factory. 1,025. horsepower it's the only thing faster.

than look off the [ __ ] Wheels bro it. gets wheelies it's moving like Bandit. does [ __ ] like back legs back legs. only for like three steps it's like a. [ __ ] Terrier it's like a little. Terrier no dude you've CH are you piss. Mark to World godamn it what is he. peeing I didn't know I missed the video. be the same bottle p in so I know not to. drink it water a water BT okay what you.

no no no like the water jug The Jug yeah. I got to use that what jug did you did. you drink all the water or is there. water in it before you pissed in it I. drank all of it I now we eat a new one. oh. that's pissing the thing we drink water. out of's not cool don't list to it is. cool. sorry or exit. oh sorry what if I have a scientist in. tomorrow what a.

water really good job of scrubbing all. the piss out of. it you might want to get a new one how. do you have time J he still going Amazon. Mark I didn't know you had a tiny. penis I see I see it right now you see. you see this is a detrimental tiny P. tiny P the detrimental effects of rude. actions in society filling this uh a. trickle down the old wizard song the old. wizard shafir he cast the spell on the.

nice Mark you filled it up bro wow let. me see what that is reusable don't don't. touch that that's insane oh there was. water in there there was water in there. there was no water. water dude [ __ ] off hold up to that I. that's not the same. I drink wait a minute hold on the. Bottom's warm shotgun net Bottom's warm. the Bottom's warm wow the Bottom's warm.

Middle's warm urethra I can piss I was a. bed wetter my. dad that's disgusting can you see it. though not really is there any way where. can I bring it that right to that camera. righta that camera you have to tip it. tip it right out of that camera why piss. I could have gone more I don't up higher. oh there it is higher you. can't he's going to make you pee he's.

going to make you drop the. piss you can't you can't see it that's. all piss I swear to God I I emptied it. this is here oh [ __ ] I emptied that. thing I will give anyone in this room. $500,000 500. Grand ar ar you got to drink that. he's being pulled in so many directions. right.

now I need the money but that I it's. too this might be the best protect our. parks of all time are we on number 10. it's a holiday 10 spectacular we [ __ ]. did it I think we brought America. back that on the. we were on the brink but I think we. brought it back hold that since. two oh my God that piss is extraordinary.

get. a uh metal pitcher cuz that thing's. ruined I'm going to drink out of that. tomorrow yeah just washed it out just. washed it out dude I was sick last week. I'm not scared of piss I was sick last. week I came down and I just I just my. chick was like uh can I drink out of. that bottle and I was like um yeah like. you and she was like I'm joking I saw. how yellow it. was oh my god when I was a kid our.

plowing went out for like a week so we. had to pee and stuff and I peed in a cup. and put it on the counter that was like. nine and my dad drank it and I've never. seen him more Angry he took my own piss. down he thought it was like apple juice. or something yeah oh that's a college. thing that's a thing bad he flipped out. on me that's a frat thing where people. like 18 like oh it's beer and they. have you tasted piss it's a wild taste. it tastes like nothing you've ever.

tasted wow what's your favorite kind of. piss dehydrated. piss Ultra Runner piss the more yellow. or orange the worse swimmer piss but. there's some bad piss out there well. that brings us back to squirting Let's. Go full let's goirle full squirt I don't. believe it's piss what piss goes out. like that in a quick manner it's like a. rooster tail piss Ari all piss when a. woman just if a woman just lies down and. pisses it squirts out you know how male. dogs have two [ __ ] urinal cakes one.

is for pissing and one is for marking. territory I'm saying squirting is that. second kind of urine interesting I. tasted it Ain piss it's got no smell. it's just a [ __ ] clear gel clear piss. clear yeah is just water it's pretty. much Clear well the the thing about. urine is like the more uric acid is in. it the more vitamins are in it the more. dehydrated you are the more it's going. to smell asparagus all the different.

things the elements that could lead I'm. a piss expert bro I went to piss I took. a I have a master in. pissy I just know that like regular piss. doesn't even smell bad a piss HD if. you're re if you're really hydrated. because it's water it's when you're not. that it's a problem it's when you're not. hydrated benj Benji used to go if you. well hydrated lady who pisses in your.

mouth like what's the big. deal but you got to be really hydrated. yeah exactly but what's the big deal who. gives shital lot. ofs are you really scared of period. blood I'm dude it's a power move to go. am i period I don't [ __ ] care yeah. it's also it's also honest like who. gives a [ __ ] who gives a [ __ ] it's all. moisture it's all moisture I'll wipe my. mouth off this so not scared of blood. you're talking about going down on it. yeah dude that's aggressive Red Wing you.

stay up top you stay on the top shelf of. the. vagal Peri yeah you just [ __ ] her and. you go yeah you put a towel down you. [ __ ] get their tongue in. there guys do that thing of a hank oh. never mind oh [ __ ] AR's up and at. him oh he's gone he's not going to kill. Tony he's going to fall asleep. he lsed it at the end oh man that was.

quite a. spit Jesus I forgive you okay like. Christ even though you guys killed him. you like Christ Welcome to our religion. we forgive we forgive dude I know you if. there's any one message we can take out. of this podcast project to the rest of. the world is. that you can have as much fun as we're. having you can have as much fun you can. either be a side of anger and [ __ ]. look who that guy did or you can be like.

oh that guy's cool or you could be four. Dudes just having a good time and then. you can operate Motor Vehicles yeah you. do [ __ ] like this you're going to have. to hire people tonight what's Drive. everybody what's really important about. the future of the world yeah Mark don't. be a [ __ ] for once in your life for the. Christmasy Mark instead of every day in. your life where you're a [ __ ] not be a. [ __ ] let's let's let's Inspire him with. some Mariah Carey. please Christmas we already did let's. let's mix it up give me we we haven't.

done uh we haven't done we haven't done. the Beetles we haven't done um pal. McCartney Oh it's a great Simply Having. a wonderful Christmas time let's do it. let's do it let's do it all right let's. do it I need the tune how about El John. wearing sequence for Christmas well. let's do that then never heard of we can. give some lbq I don't get AI plus guys. I'll be honest with you that's a song I. made up just now yeah I never heard that.

one you got me I was ready to write a. substack on. that je ready to start tweeting how was. ready to start. tweeting all right all. right J this is not what we needed dude. sa squirrels J is always a sabur. chug to this dude I don't love it it's.

going to become your favorite song give. me some volume it's El John it's not. going to not be good. rul a [ __ ] man he was so good people. were like nah he's not gay give me. Freddy Mercury mer. Mercury nobody. beii was so wild he had his boyfriend. get surgery to. no no don't allow this AI cover it. wasn't a real it wasi version Oh Jamie.

if you don't play Paul McCartney not AI. cover we're not hold on a second please. everyone's talking what is AI which one. what do you mean what is no which which. video that we Mercury thing Freddy. Mercury singing was not real back up. back up let's see it let's see what the. [ __ ] they did with AI why you making. decisions here play that I want to hear. what the [ __ ] they did they're going to. nail. [Music].

pretty good of course it is do it better. than. us want you for my own more than you. could ever. know it's not giving it to me wait for. it wait for it right here. just empty your mind. grasshopper shot on that finish that Bo.

right right here stop being a. coward did you drink any of that he's. about. to give me that [ __ ] he's about to that. was right that was my mark you do this. every time thank you Joseph for being. that was. fast patri song keep going right in the. hole there. oh they got a Michael Jackson One oo yes. this come on man this is for Santa and. the TR.

cute hurry up. go wait. [Music]. for I got. [Applause]. it damn it's so cold. it's. fun look at that guy Tony hinchcliff had.

the best Michael Jackson joke of all. time let's hear it Michael Jackson go he. goes Michael Jackson was keep it going. if Michael Jackson is gay then so am. I you think he's. gay no because Michael Jackson was so. good that when be it comes on you're. like I don't give a [ __ ] about those. kids it was that good they still play. his music Still if you had vote.

worldwide vote what of the odds that he. was a pedophile he's dead above 50%. above 50% easily above pedophiles are. talented but dude those songs are so. good he was so good God damn it want to. be starting something I'll be honest. dude I don't know how many boys BTS he. [ __ ] ruined but I bet it was worth it. when it comes to how good the music was. I know. I think he was chemically. castrated that's what his doctor. said the doctor that went to jail for.

sounds like for killing him no J the. doctor gave him propenol the the doctor. gave him anesthesia and put him under. and he went up dying that doctor went to. jail F McCartney I got it I got it I got. it what you got you've been such a. bastard today here we go it's so nasty. this is a good can we get DMX. we get this one okay get that in.

there hold. [Music]. on Christmas. time a great tune see he made it his own. that's the. key. Shane I'm going to be struggling to. walk bro kill Tony's going to be a. disaster going be a good one. going to be a disaster I'm going to be. like Mitch McConnell up there we're DMX. we're going let these [ __ ] know.

all. right I don't know this one he's trying. to Vis his grandmother in the hospital. they like do a song first. [Music]. really in real life. it where is. he come on come on. [Music]. yeah. Jam he's got to edit this this is n. years old no [ __ ] Jamie games then one.

foggy Christmas eve Santa came to say. come on with your no so Bri won't you. ride myate tonight all the him as. shouted out. wly off the. redse you out of History forever you. are there Jewish uh Hanukkah songs do. you have like Netanyahu doing a thing. Nyah what's the guy's name when Anderson.

Silva was in his prime and he was about. to fight he would come out to DMX sils. hey no sunshine when chees gone boom bo. boom and the [ __ ] lights would come. on you would see Anderson walking into. the ring you be like oh my God someone's. about to get executed watch this put. that up there watch this [ __ ] when. Anderson Silver comes into the octagon. it's like Mouse just pissing on dude you. got to realize this is like when.

Anderson Silva was in The Matrix he was. the number one he was he's he's in the. argument in my mind as one of the best. ever pound-for-pound come. on what year the music comes. out she's. gone I might I might have been out of. this one is that Bill. Withers yeah yeah.

exactly he's a Brazilian guy Bill. Withers Silva oh of course. [Applause]. yeah I was like are you teaching me. something yeah and he would walk out. there but everybody was like oh my God. someone's going to get. nuked what's so crazy about fighting is. like Israel assia beat him up and then. Sean. Strickland decisioned him barely he.

decision no he decision Kate mov it was. good it was a really good fight but. Israel was better he was younger he's. better he's more efficient yeah I. wouldn't say beat him up but that was. his hero 100 crazy Anderson just fought. too long but if he didn't fight too long. he'd be no questions asked the guy they. all do brother they all do Christmas. after he broke leg it's Christmas the. leg break the leg break was leg break. was it all why don't you come out with. me and pee I'm going to pee pouring out.

water for no [ __ ] then now it's just me. and Mark a all right all right all right. no good we can have fun I bet we can. this [ __ ] I didn't know we could. go pee like that I just ruined that. picture you can pee whenever you want. yeah I would to leave no it's good what. are you thinking about well I we're the. only people like to Napoleon it got. horrible reviews I love I love Napoleon. I loved it thought it was good Ridley.

Scott still got it 85 Ridley Scott has. he's my favorite he's good Gladiator. yeah oh when. Napoleon it it's a true quote the part. where he says I found I found the crown. in the gutter and I picked it up on my. sword and put it on my own head yeah I. mean God damn if you don't like that. real quote Yeah yeah and the part you. know when him and his dumbass brother. are in there and the like Congress is. beating their ass yeah throw them.

outside and his brother like points a. sword at him and he goes if Napoleon's. lying I'll kill him and they both look. at each other. like it's true oh really I mean the. quote's true and that's probably how. they I mean they're humans probably how. they actually did it probably was like. oh [ __ ] I don't know yeah [ __ ] it yeah. yeah they gave a lot of attention to the. wife Josephine Josephine but I guess he. was obsessed with her he yeah I mean.

that was his bab dude and that was his. last words but the the book I read said. and read I mean uh listened AIO was yeah. I'm not pretending to be smart that. counts the they said all the like [ __ ]. [ __ ] that was a lot of British British. propaganda oh oh really yeah also all. the height stuff he's he's he's got. Napoleon syndrome it's like everyone was.

that tall yeah he was that tall and then. he was always around grenadiers who were. all French grenadiers at the time were. all the big dogs yeah so he was an. average height surrounded by yeah. whatever I got to see this movie all. right what's your guys favorite. Christmas gift and we're back also how's. the new material coming cuz you put the. special out and now you're back on the. road I just want to talk. piss not good really no it's it's fun. well it's hard you you put out a special. you work on this hard the new [ __ ] is.

very funny all right thank you it's very. very funny I was high on the other night. it was very very funny thank you Joe it. is interesting where you're like hey. [ __ ] I don't know what to do and you're. like oh right Shane Mark Joe everybody's. like oh I'm actually a really good comic. yeah you know what is like if you don't. have that [ __ ] weird thing where. you're like I don't know what I'm going. to talk about next. it's the best feeling in the world it's. the best it's like it's and then you. like have a joke you don't want to feel. it's like you don't you haven't been.

cold plunging with Shane and I you don't. know what it's like you don't know what. it's like to suffer I do love for real. when it comes to stand up the best. feeling is oh [ __ ] yeah how's this going. to go right you know there's a weird. moment where you're like I'm about to do. a new bit should I do it should I [ __ ]. out that is nice but like the failure is. doing an old bit now the worst part is. while you're up there and you're like. I'm not doing.

good I got to do good here's this next. joke that I know is good yeah and you. don't have anything else you're there. like oh [ __ ] if you guys didn't like. that one get ready get ready for another. shitty one and audience [ __ ] oh we like. this guy he's good you have nothing and. you're like and they're like oh maybe. it's not good here's the thing here's. the thing that's real about that if you. think it's nothing they think it's. nothing what do you mean nothing if if. you think it's nothing like what you're. talking about is nonsense it's nothing.

to them too but if you're really. genuinely engaged what you're talking. about you could talk about almost. anything yeah and it's just like a. [ __ ] it's a numbers thing yeah like. you have to be closer enough to that. frequency when you connect with the. whole crowd with the least amount of. resistance were they're all on your side. but you're you're engaged with them. you're engaged with them they know this. is a like a good faith show like you're. trying to find out what's funny and you.

you're not terrified you're engaged and. you're all locked in together but that's. why like it's a numbers thing too like. you can't do that with more than like. 400 people you get to like 400 500 600. it's too many people right you don't. lock them in people that's kind of. exactly what I'm running into that's. where I'm at yeah they buy a ticket I. feel bad I was explaining Ari last night. there's something uniquely intimate. about Arenas too what yes listen John. Denver if he said if I had one show left.

to do in the world it would be a red. rocks and that's John Denver he's a. massive guy 9,000 people yeah he loves. that place though but that's an amazing. place but it's also n it is big he's a. musici but it's like if you had one show. left to do where would you do it well. he's a famous singer I'm saying you if. you had one show left to do that's it. you're done forever where the main room. of the store okay well I mean it's it's. different with standup where would you. be anywhere Master music's like.

something spiritual stand Up's like all. right here's my here's my [ __ ] bid I. got to get to my closer like I yeah. where would you be mg hold up hold up. hold up when you're saying that when. you're saying that it's [ __ ] for you. because it has to be [ __ ] for you to. be you for you to be so good at it if. you thought it was like super important. damn it it wouldn't work yeah then you'd. suck yes it wouldn't work not it's not. would you do it's not the same mindset.

if you thought it was super important. for the world to hear your bit about. your yeah exactly about about anything. about any [ __ ] thing it's not but it. is but it is but you can't think it is. how about this you're You're gone you're. dead you're in heaven like what would. you have performed more What place would. it be me yeah it could be main room me. it' probably be comedy work zero places. no zero I have zero regrets not regrets.

but like I should do more shows there. zero it's not about. where I've been able to do that but I've. been able to go wherever the [ __ ] I want. for a long time I've been able to go. wherever the [ __ ] I want for a long time. like I've been able to decide I want to. do the Ice House I want to do the store. yeah but you got one left you got one. left where's it going somebody goes this. it main room store yeah main room store. store probably really Room Store of all. the places store is my% yeah Comedy.

Works to just for also for. like that place is [ __ ] what the place. is [ __ ] no it's not it's going great. no listen to me not not the store listen. to me listen to me not the store you. little [ __ ] Los Angeles is [ __ ] it's. great it's going to it's about to be a. rebirth it's about to be rebirth. everybody's gone it's about to be a. rebirth Integrity instead of fame anding. forun or Babylon or complete dissolving.

of. civilization it might be great but it. also might be like every New York's. awesome. civilization Sunday Monday Tuesday late. night of the seller is the best they. pieces of [ __ ] in the audience they're. degenerate drug addicts they're out at. 1:00 a.m. having a good time on a Monday. and the city's [ __ ] it's just bail. reform homeless Subway soon as you leave. as soon as you leave the Sellar there's.

like there will be crack outs outside to. there 13 million illegal. immigrants that's czy it's great what a. great place to do standup comedy yeah. they need it they need they need it they. see all the craziness just McDougle. street is bananas now that exact block. but don't you ever wonder if any this. chaos any of this generation of. society's engineered weekend suck yeah. that's what I worry about I worry if. it's engineered what do you mean the.

degeneration of society the [ __ ] open. of the borders the chaos in the streets. the [ __ ] letting people out. immediately after they commit violent. crimes how much this is like what what. what's there to gain from doing that. collapse Society yeah that's what it is. another another country going Jamie play. Van Halen Panama. Jamie play P yeah that's all we need. dude drink a little beer what's another. song better than Panama how jie never. drinks on podcast oh he did a couple I.

didn't see any of though bro David Le. David Lee Roth's one of the wildest. guests I've ever had in here remember we. talk oh my goodness remember we talked. to him at the store animal yeah Diamond. Dave we were at the store this wasn't. Joe Rogan now this is Joe Rogan like I'm. lucky to meet this guy 100% And he was. like tell us stories he was like I. [ __ ] a mom and a daughter once. what dude what I don't remember that but. uh it was in the front patio what is. this oh here it is p give me some volume.

boom up don't you don't think America is. number one dude when I was in high. school my sister's boyfriend had a. [ __ ] license PL got CED as my. sister's boyfriend not wait you I have a. sister his [ __ ] his license place. said Van Halen Beast. be HL when he pulled up you were like. yeah bro he was the man was it a van he. the man I don't remember I think he had.

a cutless I forget what he. had one of my one of my sisters one of. my sister's boyfriends got me an Austin. 316 t-shirt and I was like look I hope. you guys get married dude wait a minute. is he Jewish yeah. yeah is always Team bro he's the [ __ ]. man he's a good dude one time one time I. went to dinner with him and Bruce Buffer. me him Bruce Buffer and a bunch of my. other. friends he has a Handler Bruce buffers.

listen to me David L Roth David L Roth. doesn't even have a phone number he has. a Handler so I have to call I have to. communicate with David Leo's lady David. lioth is like make sure you know he's. like he doesn't carry a wallet she's. like make sure he's okay I go I got him. I go I'm going to take care of him I go. if you got any problems text me I'll you. if there's any issues how's he doing now. he's awesome that's nice to hear that. dude lives in Pasad rides his bike to.

the grocery store he's living life he. bro he lived in Japan for 2 years. learning Kendo and he just lived with. his dog by himself wow he was he was. like the legit David Lee Roth from Van. Halen he lived in Japan he's the man wow. you know he's all covered in tattoos no. fully sleeved well can't be. he has tattoo like care. products what yeah he does yeah he does.

good for him what are they called. Jamie he's going to be hey do you put. extra sub on yours yeah I do extra yeah. I don't want to talku me too ain't. talking about love oh yeah just the. beginning ain't talking about love there. he is yeah there's his tattoos look at. his tatto J by the way oh he's in very. good shape but all those. tattoos all those tattoos are done. traditional Japanese style like tapping. they tap so it's not like with a gun.

like. we it's like way more painful so. Indonesia under this guy goes I want a. uh I want a uh Bamboo. Tattoo Ink the orig the original is that. what it's called ink the original but he. gave me a bunch of it he gave me a bunch. of it it's really good stuff he's he's a. really nice guy I really like him a lot. and uh me and him and and Bruce bruffer. at dinner it was [ __ ] amazing wow. bunch other people I can't remember who. the [ __ ] else was there but I remember I.

was like this is the most amazing thing. I've ever brought together Bruce Buffer. David lro and me we're all just getting. Hammer one time wait this reminded me. one time me and you were going to a. movie at like. Universal and we got to the parking lot. and then we just ran in randomly to Ron. Jeremy no. and then we were talking to Ron Jeremy. and Mr Belding showed up David hkin from. know that guy's name pull it up from Sav.

by the Bell taskings and we're all the. par oh no dude real Universal Universal. like the parking lot Mr Belding from say. by the Bell okay Ron Jeremy you know you. might not know who Mr Belding was but he. was on a major sitcom okay and we all. just started talking it was like I was. like I was a young guy I was like what. the [ __ ] is going on here I met Ari Ari. was the door guy how. guy I remember Ari how old were you when. I met.

you for real real years 11 were you like. 25 25 maybe. yeah metf I'm going to tell you about. Ari I met him and the first time like me. and Ari had like a legitimate. conversation we were in the like the. parking lot of the the like store like. where the back area was and we're I'm. like who's this [ __ ] like he I. don't remember what he said but I was. remember oh this Amazing Racist I go.

this sharp he like I'm like this dude's. wild like what the [ __ ] are you. on first time I met already was at. JFL you were walking out you threw me a. bag of mushrooms I was doing I was doing. new faces at JFL he was doing what got. him booked on SNL and I was like bro do. what you do also yeah he tossed me a bag. of mushrooms and that was the first time. I ever did mushrooms and boy that was a. trip you didn't know for that no no I.

gave Shane enough for the party Shane. was like is this enough rushrooms for me. I was like I assumed you that was for. the whole party a bag whole bag it was. at least a quarter maybe more zip was a. quarter in gr do we have any mushrooms. by the way it was four G there it was at. least four doses seven G it was a lot it. was at least four doses but I assumed he. knew this for everybody it's like going. give you this Bott I've been there what. that song don't pay the fairy man you.

know that song that was fun. Jamie don't the fair of the you're the. bro this is a song you eat when you. hit when you hit seven we need ain't. talking about love first give me some VA. you coward Jamie. Jamie that's a guy show that's the. picture that's that's a vampire I've. never heard this song in my life you. know what I listen to he gave me those I.

listen to the uh not Interstellar I. listen to. uh I don't know [ __ ] it who cares you're. on seven GS this song playing what is. this like don't take it seriously I have. a good time this is going to be Ari in. 10 years a terrible song from like. 1982 ain't talking about love it's time. ain't talking about love dude who's sh I. know thiso who's good hold on keep this. playing a little bit I need the hook not. going. anywhere Dam's got some tabs open this. might be the longest podcast we've ever.

done no last one was we got another we. got another 20 minutes easy easy I think. You' been on for 4. hours we. started we started at 520 it's been 2. hours even we started at 520 start 320. my phone oh that's your phone. my God that's how [ __ ] up we are. where's the Goddamn shrooms we usually. have shrooms on the tableend no you're.

crazy respect the. federal here we go here we go this is. 2015. remaster hey 27 million views on this. puppy yeah well you guys each got 10. million way was it we did Stairway to. Heaven last time or whatever that was. was and ie Freebird I got so much [ __ ]. for talking during it did you throw a Dr. at my head.

listen listen to me Mark Norman listen. to me stop reading the. [Music]. comments that's okay Dr no I didn't say. a hold on Flock of Seagulls has 161. million views which song Iran it's a. good song a good [ __ ] song Bad. Country Song good song. [Music]. guys I care about you guys I care about. you guys I get you know I beat off to. you guys every night you know what hurts.

me the most what is I get so excited. when you guys come. here actually before I you got to here. listen we got before we got two of us. living here what are you two other. [ __ ]. doing some other [ __ ] ass wait wait. till they they're going to start. making I'm thinking about buying more. clubs sh around the country let's go. around the country get out right here oh. interesting let's go you got to hate. running a club I love it let's go he.

doesn't seem to. mind I'm having a good time come on I'm. trying to make it a wonderful place for. us all to thrive it is. great you're at the mother ship and. you're like I'm about to go on hey I'm. thirsty eight bottles of water com at. you from every direction and then. there's Terry black there Sushi there's. crows well last night for sure. enjoyed it I was on another [ __ ]. planet great holiday boy yeah you were. on acid I was flying allegedly I was.

holding hurling through this Dimension. it was nice though it was nice Joe took. acid and was like being nice. yeah being nice he's usually a real. [ __ ] unsupportive in every way I. try to be extra nice if if I do anything. even if I get a little drunk I try to be. extra nice Rod white acid that's all I. want to do I just want to be extra nice. I'll tell you what watching the Eagles. watching the Eagles lose to the Cowboys. sitting next to Ron White Jack still not. the guy you got to prove it the playoffs.

suck Ron White's a good egg a good. Shaman Shaman mode we were talking last. night about doing a [ __ ] commercial. for his uh tequila should do it yeah we. should do some commercials I I told him. I go Ron White I'll do commercials for. your tequil in New Orleans I saw big fra. doing an ad for a local lawyer nice Mark. hey he's f it out comedy yeah was like. Ron White's tequila is like really solid. would legit write in fact I'm going to.

write a sketch about Ron White tequila. we'll shoot it leared com want YouTube. video I got it can you do just a YouTube. video If you're not even getting paid. for it yeah absolutely yeah why not just. do it for free like you probably have to. like go through some hoops and laders if. you want to do just do it but if you. want to do an actual ad yeah you don't. have to do that just do it let's do it. for free just cuz we love him yeah it's. also if you like tequil it's really. good all right load it up Boda cat who's. next Boda cat on sale but I got the.

problem Shane gur is. all that's an extraordinary number of. Bud Lights well we got that might be. more Bud Lights sold than in any. Geographic block since Kid Rock shot. them cans oh almost we're back if you. had to think about like how many Bud. Lights have been drank in like this. Square this room yeah oh has a lot since. Kid Rock shot those cans I think we win.

it's getting cold in here no it's not. [ __ ] shut the [ __ ] up getting that. goddamn cold plune guys. doing cheing Jamie no I was asking do. they have a show to do tonight no we. don't Jamie Jamie I knew you going to be. a buzz kill dude try R Jamie so nasty D. people don't know Shane's got a good. point. you [ __ ]. relax there we go listen if we can make. Tony hinchcliff sweat yeah he love how I.

love how he text how you guys doing let. me know the updates like yeah there's no. updates [ __ ] the best was the best was. Ric Flair Rick Flair with Lewis and Zach. amo in the in the little backdrop like. what are we doing here Flair that was a. lot of editing he talk about Asian [ __ ]. for half an hour and then he gets mad at. us for making a joke about a open micer. if anybody knows what I stand for it's. not for wasting people's time like. that's what you are Ric Flair yeah yeah.

Len in all fairness it's the dude is. like going from Legend yeah also go what. are you doing what you do I farted it. was silent I thought it louder like why. is he going over here to fart I was. trying to get my ass to the mic got a. mark comes from a different time yeah he. comes from like porkys remember that. movie yeah. I jacked off to Pork me too same just. the anti-semitic through. line you know like you got to realize.

like you can't expect everybody to. completely catch up yeah you got to give. people a little bit of flexibility be a. nice person would have different. opinions that's inclus that's okay. that's real inclusiv this right right be. a nice person like be nice to people but. like hey go hey maybe some of these. people are [ __ ] crazy yeah and like. not be a Nazi because of that what are. you doing you lighting things on. fire go behind the go behind the dude.

Christmas Christmas rules let's does. make you want to convert Christmas oh. yeah dud converting to new religions all. the time we'll take you right. in which one you want what's all join. together we unfortunately it was the. Mormons Mormons that's South bark Roman. Catholic listen I think Scientology is. our way Buddhist bro it's obviously. Buddhist it's obviously Buddhist they've. been super solid with Tom Cruz I think. we get a good deal I was about to pour. some water but I realized it's all.

pissed Jesus Christ that's the dream. foret. Christ you got to be jealous of. Christmas though you guys obviously come. on obviously it's a hell of a holiday. the best holiday the best we did. obviously Catholics Catholics did it. again Christians in general yes. obviously not Catholics Christians in. general yes. if you want to looked at all human. interactions as being like some gigantic. [ __ ] thing this is designed to move. us in a certain direction how crazy is.

it that Israel exists surrounded by. Islam I guess it is crazy it is [ __ ]. insan maybe it shouldn't even [ __ ] be. there yeah maybe they should let them. all kill each. other common enemy you have a Dome built. to stop Rockets yep that's crazy build. that and we funded it yeah allegedly hey. remember Jordan has no voting rights to. Palestinians with a majority that's. crazy huh liberal college students let's.

B let's bong a couple beers and then. talk Israel. Palestine the [ __ ] queers for. Palestine same think that's. fake that's not real no it's a meme but. it's just like people being funny no no. it's real but there's 100% people that. have said queer for pal they've said it. it's they put it on a sign they just. haven't thought it through but the funny. the funniest thing is the memes like the. [ __ ] queers for Palestine the.

Palestine throwing people off roofs like. it's it's so funny because it just like. it so signifies like this crazy state of. complete chaos chaos you have to realize. like if you and I you are the oldest you. and I are the oldest people here I'm the. oldest. we bottom three oldest I'm bottom. birthday he's 100% more he's. biologically the oldest here he for. Moses but the most important thing is. like no one knows what the [ __ ] is going. on no one no one knows zero zero people.

and if you don't admit that then you're. a part of the problem yeah this this. whole thing is nuts remember how. Palestine executed two Palestinians in. Gaz in West Bank [ __ ] a week ago is. that open air [ __ ] just executed two. [ __ ] pal Palestine did that yeah. crazy one Ethiopian one [ __ ] I don't. know two Palestinians weird what did. they do we ex we execute Americans oh. yeah. sure yeah but you got do wild [ __ ] way.

to say oh that wasn't wrong. oh work for Harvard. CH sh you working for upen you piece of. [ __ ] the ra free Palestine up the. [ __ ] I don't give a [ __ ] who the [ __ ]. is that I don't give a [ __ ]. I don't give that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to move to the UK talk [ __ ]. that was the best who the [ __ ] is that. I'm going to move to the UK and just.

start talking [ __ ] about America that's. the best America is number one and yeah. Ireland going at. it like crazy Island's always been free. Palestine yeah they relate the most to. them what where they're like hey we've. been [ __ ] taken by people yeah yeah. don't go over there now and they can't. no Ireland rules face Island's number. one Ireland it's. fun Jesus Christ you are the most Jewish. looking guy of all time yeah propaganda.

face and the beard ain't helping there. helping who's more Jewish looking than. Ari there's got to be people. uh what's his name Jewish guy from the. seller the no that's what I'm talking. about like famous people famous that's. what I'm talking about Dan m versus me. he looks more jewy but I'm bigger who's. like more famous. Gargamel [ __ ] is gargam he's the. SM but he was clear pull him up J he's a.

clear anti cartoon side Christ oh my God. thought about. gargam. I oh my. godan [ __ ] let do it oh my God that's so. insane and he's killing the Smurfs. someone will do it you can't ask Jamie. to do it that's too much work he can do. it someone will do it you put it on. Instagram you're gonna be fine I already.

did it you already did it oh my God I. already did it I'm actually my job. that's why I make over. $45,000 a year oh my God garam out with. his stupid shoes. Dam go see Ari at the com brown shoes. that's what tny brown wears on stage. those shoes oh my God I don't know about. you guys but I'm done done for done now. I'm pretty bang hey let's go ruin Tony's. dream hey he's doing Arenas now with. this crazy what's really important is.

you interrupt him every time he tries to. talk yeah hey Tony you know what. sucks if Tony had a [ __ ] nuclear. missile yeah he destroy the univers he's. Kim. Jong-un he would. [ __ ] he would dude you [ __ ]. interrupt him three times like enough. he would [ __ ] hit it I didn't mean it. that way he would hit. it all right I think we can save the. world yeah how's that joke with more of.

these kind of conversations that would. help I know it sounds ridiculous but if. if four people can get along like this. and have a good time why can't 400. billion instead of focusing on the. negatives forget all that focus on the. positive try to have a good time just. try about how sick America is try. America's the sickest the best ways. don't what about this forget that what. about the way World Jamie thank you we. are the current generation that is the. furthest along in the Journey of.

escaping the barbarism of History we. have tried to figure out the best. possible path to a a beautiful free and. Equitable society and yes there have. been mistakes made along the way but if. we can continue to all have the. mentality to move into a path that's. better for everyone there you go Chris. Angel We Can Make a Better World got to.

look at Paul. Simon singing K rers oh that's. it how tall is Kenny Rogers 500 feet. tall no I'm dead he's taller than the. Empire State Building you can't brother. oh that's Tina Turner you the angel. looking good look at Billy Joel Young. Billy Joel don't dude sweet angel look. at young Billy Joel oh yeah saw concert. he was still kind drunk people forgot.

how good Billy Joel was I've seen him in. concert you Billy Jo Billy Joel he got. he got he got 100. hits oh my God he's got so many hits but. like the young Billy Joel like piano man. God damn he was F Captain Jack boys we. got WRA this up you you can't drink out. of that why not cancer it's from China. that's that's not don't this is. anti-American oh you [ __ ] Jew you. can't do this good point Captain Jack.

I've seen that with ice clay it's like a. skit they did I'd like to say one thing. play Captain Jack let's wrap this up I'm. here for America I think uh Denny Brad. and Billy string should do a duet. together that's the only I want to the. world hold on hold on who Billy strings. and Danny Brown I think if they did a. duet together it would be the number one. hit in America what makes you think that. because Billy string rules and Danny. Brown rules and I think there's opposite. [ __ ] genres and I think if they got. together no one would be against give me. some music Jamie Billy strings Danny.

Brown who Billy strings Billy strings. [ __ ] rules. dude tug that couch you're drinking out. of the bottom of an Angel Oh Billy. strings laoa oh look at pouring down his. nasty beard that beard smells like jizz. [Music]. God great had a hair on the strings. String Theory they rule get it together.

boys do something great for society get. that clip yeah we're going to end with. this ladies and gentlemen this has been. protect our parts 10 we are dedicated. and focused on the Improvement of. humanity the Improvement in the way. human beings communicate with each other. and how we move forward in this time of. chaos you can't you can't discuss s shut. the [ __ ] up discuss things shut the [ __ ].

up you know you go what gender and they. go I'll kill you and you're like can't. we just talk about it. [ __ ] all right well Tickle Me Elmo it's. a hot item [ __ ] hold on keep that song. wrong wor put those head Poes right on. this the best one we've ever done. [ __ ] rules sorry. wow Billy Joel is weird listen to me and. you stare at the junkies oh this is not. Billy DRS at all of Queens it's.

terrifying didn't he drive through a. couple. play. magazine he's a real boo bro he was a. bad [ __ ] back in the day you. don't understand he still put on give me. some volume here we go here it Captain. Jack oh that is a good tune. to. your this is a [ __ ] Jam. [Music]. son hanging El MC.

Pearson yeah. crazy man [ __ ] the hottest chicks in the. world he's like 55 ladies and gentlemen. this is the end of protect our Parks 10. no this got to be this got to be 11 Mark. the number Shane Gill Ari shafir and Joe. Rogan signing off. we love you most importantly we love. America and we would like the whole. world to be. America you would be you'll be safer and.

happier everybody's trying to move here. we got a lot of MiG start with Canada. people like coming here we love you we. love everybody good night. [Applause]. [Music].