Joe Rogan Experience #2011 - Tony Woods

[Music]. by night. Tony Woods what's happening baby what's. happening with you Joe good to see you. my friend man I'm glad you have me back. I'm glad you came back you know good. seeing you last night because that was. like uh. somebody said Hey Joe got a new club. thank you and just I just sent you a. text like hey man let me do your Club.

you hit me back okay all right what's up. yeah I'm excited this weekend yes that's. gonna be fun it is man you're gonna love. it yeah well you got you can put the. village right down here in Texas man. like like back in the day when they had. Comedy Club here come we go to Boston. Comedy Club go to salad all of that. that's how it is just bouncing around. so. but yeah we got five clubs on one street. bang but you got to yeah you've got the. Madison Square guy you got the. mothership yeah you got the mothership I.

said I said to somebody I said I'm going. to Austin. to do the Mothership. he says wow that's gonna be a long. flight fly flying through Boston to go. to Africa I'm like no what yeah. I said Africa is the mother country the. mother's [ __ ] but then I broke it down. I'm like yeah Mothership you know like. George Clinton the mother you know yeah. Parliament and all that and he was like. I've never heard that hmm well it's new.

yeah it's dope though man thank you yeah. we've been open four months now it's. been wild yeah and I it's like I see. it's a line all the time other comedians. have sent me pictures of people lined up. like they're going to see Star Wars the. first time. it's hard to get tickets so people get. amped up about it it's it's it's really. nice yeah I like it the great room is. dope too yeah we set it up I mean we we. basically set up everything to make it. perfect for stand up yeah you know just. perfect for the comics perfect for the.

staff I've been in clubs and they go. yeah we put our heart and soul into this. I'm like you guys do comedy no we don't. do comedy but uh this is our new club. I'm like this just. you know you don't want to say you know. what you're doing yeah I went to this. one club and they had. this the stage that the ceiling is like. that so it sounds like you're in a. gymnasium it's like that and the bar is. right there and just people ordering. drinks people all the shows tear up here.

it's more like a dance club it looks. like uh yeah like Bandstand American. Bandstand or something you know it'd be. dope as a a club well there's not a lot. of clubs that are designed by comedians. yeah where the comic comes in and says. you know we need to fix this we need to. do that we had Louie come in too that. helped a lot because Louis gave me some. real good advice real good tips I. listened to everything he said I said. let's do this okay I'll do that let's. he's like to make the stage in the small. room smaller okay how much smaller four.

feet on each side chopped it up it was. like right before we poured the concrete. too so I had to change the rebar and all. that jazz but it's perfect all right um. when you uh like from the stage I give. advice on like I might you know you poke. fun at the club you talk [ __ ] and like. the owners always say you know how much. money I put into this club like yeah. and when I said it people laughed so but. then sometimes you rip on the club.

because it's comfortable and you rip on. it and then they're gonna fix it like. dude what you doing right don't clean it. up man what are you doing that was like. the punchline Atlanta yeah did you ever. do that I did that one yeah yeah they. cleaned it up and it's they moved. but it was like one of those clubs like. the Ice House in Pasadena they fixed. that up too apparently it's real nice. but you would go to those places and. it's just like they had a field they had. that those like the wall and Zanies. where you see those head shots from. 1983. like uh uh there's a cup in.

Baltimore it's a Comedy Factory my first. five minutes was on how dusty The Velvet. curtain was but that was dope you come. in it's like I like that yeah that and. then they cleaned it up new new thing. new. yeah some comedy's dirty yeah it's good. it's a painful thing I tell people I say. uh the Periodic Chart. it's a symbol for comedy is a banana.

pill. that means something like I get hurt man. the crowd might laugh but somebody don't. go [ __ ] you how many people got [ __ ]. up over banana peels to the point where. banana peels became a thing like you. just know if you leave a banana peel on. the ground people are getting [ __ ] up. it's like literally the only item where. if it's on the you could describe it and. there was a banana peel on the ground. like oh boom that's it someone's getting. [ __ ] up by a banana here we go man 100. of the time and then next thing you know.

the ambulance guy is telling you you got. STD. well that's what it sounded like when I. hurt my back that time he said you got a. sad to come like oh I knew she was dirty. but it was sad because it sounds like. something else I just threw that in. there. I see what you just did yeah worked a. little car I can't hear myself at all. you don't like it no like yeah we don't. have to wear these you take them off. yeah if you feel more comfortable taking.

them I'm good I'm gonna do it like that. man. but because I'm always the first one to. feel something like right now and you. guys don't have it here but we got the. smoke and stuff. and it says how bad is it it's it's real. bad man it's like this bad why is it why. is it Orange has anybody tried to figure. that out because you know all the. conspiracy theories I know a guy do you. know the conspiracy series. because apparently there was a bunch of. chemicals that went missing I know a guy.

I know a guy who used to be the NBC doc. you know NBC is so Camp Lejeune the. Marines have to go through a gas chamber. right right and you I'm a corpsman so. you can only do it once a quarter but. the good thing is you get three day. weekend. so so so I would volunteer to do is I. think I did a couple of too many times. not not a lot but I would okay maybe. once a month. but you know I'm saying them three-day. weekends are good and I didn't care.

because after a while I kind of get used. to it but when when I smell that smoke. I'm like I know with trees and leaves. smell like man when they burn it just. that's not hot it doesn't smell like. that what does it smell like. chemicals NBC it's called nuclear. biological chemical warfare and Marines. everybody in the military you have to go. then you go in and you you you put your. mask on you have to how do you say I'm. Joe Rogan. because it you have to be able to like.

when the gas comes you don't already. have your mask on you gotta right how to. think fast put it on. and and so as a Coleman you but you. already got your mask on this Coleman. but it's still getting in there so for. health reasons you should do it once a. quarter but you were doing once a month. like once every other month or something. like that you know so just. just for the three day weekends just for. the three-day weekend man wow you don't. understand I uh I volunteered because I. had allergies real bad I volunteered to.

go up to Norfolk uh for these they would. be up there for like a week and they. they give you shots and do this and do. that and do this. yeah and um and I was I was talking to. this guy one time who's in my unit I. said yeah man I went from 5 10. 6-1 and. like a year yeah would you let him shoot. you up with all that. oh they're giving him I got five days. he's a grown man a great deal just. trying [ __ ] out on him I got five days.

off that I always thought they were. doing that kind of stuff yeah like I. don't know what they give people but. haven't you ever heard there's always. been stories about people giving people. like. yeah crazy experimental drugs well in. the military you just you got your gear. in your hand you just walked through and. there's a Coleman on both sides [ __ ]. yeah. well if I had a bunch of soldiers. especially like special operators like. Navy Seals I would want them to be. Juiced up yeah I would want that.

everybody's use that I would I want them. to be on amphetamines I would want them. to be on steroids. we don't re I didn't really know what we. was on we just said. taking shots today. okay because my voice sound [ __ ] up. does it sound like I'm lisping a little. bit it does right. I have an Invisalign in I'm getting my. teeth straightened out let me see you. know you can't really see because it's. but but this is the first day I've had.

it on now that you said it I can tell so. my question is do I try to work through. this because they say that eventually. your tongue figures out how to talk I. don't think it doesn't sound weird yeah. I'm getting better at it but when I. first started talking because see you. can hear it right there first you can't. yeah. it's like your tongue has to even though. it's the tiniest little amount of. plastic your tongue has to figure out. where that is and then it has to kind of. like pull back a little bit it's going. to change you you I'm not gonna wear it. on stage that'll be [ __ ] impossible.

because there'll be certain things that. you say yeah so when you say them and. then when it goes come on damn like that. yeah so my lower teeth have always been. crooked and [ __ ] gets stuck in them it's. really hard to floss them and the. dentist is like listen you can you don't. have to wear braces you can just do this. thing and it takes a long time takes. like over a year I don't think you sound. that different I do a little if you're a. person who's easily annoyed I apologize. I'm going to figure this out you're good. I'm gonna figure this out Tony I got.

[ __ ] up by ants say here's the fire oh. okay there's the fire this is uh the. last it's a map of the last day or so or. maybe it's now the conspiracy theory is. that there's a [ __ ] ton of toxic waste. toxic chemicals rather that went missing. remember those. yes order yeah and the conspiracy theory. is they burned them and that's why. they're orange yeah where'd they burn. them up at Canada but it's definitely. not trees it's not trees well the thing.

is and how's it going and coming but if. the winds but the thing is if you have a. fire that's that big for sure there's. some stuff around the fire other than. just trees for sure they're burning down. buildings A Lot in Canada up there is. that true I believe I mean I remember. her hearing that like most the. population lives near the border hmm I'd. say that makes sense. of it. supposed to be dead in the center.

somewhere bro those [ __ ] Alberta. people those people that can live up in. that cold weather those those are. different people yeah. they like it they laugh at Detroit yeah. they're like this isn't cold you think. Michigan is cold yeah come on up down. and everybody's just walking around with. Levi's jacket yeah. but they make you get used to it wear. the right clothes you make the most of. it it was very weird that video where. they all started at the same time what's. that where all the fire started like the. exact same time it looked like a little. weird pretty weird yeah and it was I.

heard the explanation to that was like. lightning storms which does happen what. about the balloon that got shot down. that sounds weirder than me as an. explanation what what are they saying. started this fire. they're not they're not saying at all I. haven't heard anybody say what started. they just hit his uh fire in Canada wear. a mask dry hot weather breeds more. lightning yeah half the wildfires are. started by lightning but yes fires. account for more than 85 percent of the. Wildfire destruction the other half are.

human caused so how many animals are. dead oh they're pretty good at getting. the [ __ ] away if it's just Woods I bet. you'd be surprised at how few die yeah. they're really good at getting away this. article right here just said this in. April only displaced 30 000 people so. it's like there's not a lot of people up. there okay. but it's [ __ ] huge right it's been. going on for how many months now this is. as of Friday I mean this was. 427 active wildfires. 232 of them are out of control.

232 fires again are out of control so. we're trying to burn down Canada they. just burn until it's until they run into. water yeah. well I think when things get this big. there's not much they can do I mean they. can do their best to try to contain it. shutting down production of oil and gas. I mean it's it's you got you haven't. been back East you haven't seen it I. heard it's horrible it's it's really bad. yeah it's really bad and uh it's gonna.

last for a long time too this fire like. this fire is [ __ ] huge I see it's. like multiple Los Angeles is on fire and. that's how it looks sometimes it looks. like like L.A like it's just it's like. that brother worst ever experience was. Mexico City. we flew into Mexico City I took photos. out my window I was like this is crazy. the amount of smoke those people live in. on a regular basis the amount of. pollution there is horrible.

it says I've never seen a vertical wall. of smoke like this one need near Fox. Creek Alberta on Sunday. and the strangest thing about this. moment was I couldn't smell any smoke. well I guess the wind hadn't got them. if the wind's not going in that. direction well he could smell smoke is. just he couldn't smell trees burning. because I don't smell trees burning. whatever is that what he's saying though. because also. but that for sure is smoke too those.

trees are burning yeah. what is it pretty good. if it really is how they got rid of. those chemicals yeah they decided to. light the forest on fire that would be. the dumbest way to get rid of those I. don't even have like. in what way like they sprayed them and. then someone said like why would you do. that like what would be I could. understand why someone would think it's. a conspiracy right the chemicals go. missing and then you know there's this. fire and the the smoke looks orange I.

get how people have put those two. together but my question would be like. why would anybody do that why would. anybody light all those chemicals on. fire in the woods here's what it made. New York City look like yeah imagine. like that somebody else might have done. it right maybe look at that that's. Bonkers but imagine that is how you. choose to get rid of chemicals like it's. not. you know what I mean yeah that's why I. like it doesn't make any sense it [ __ ]. up everybody [ __ ] up everybody and. your lighting you you have to be the.

craziest psychopath of all time you're. lighting the woods on fire. to get rid of some chemicals. one thing I'm thinking maybe it wasn't. their Woods that they set on fire. somebody else would someone else someone. else from somewhere else someone said. someone yeah yeah maybe we'll get those. [ __ ] right but why the. chemicals that's the question like if it. is the chemicals what kind of uh. conspiracy is that. go to 4chan wasn't it wasn't wasn't it.

there where the balloon was remember the. balloon the balloon was like it was. right in that area where was the balloon. flying over there was a few places it. was you know it started in the Northwest. and started making it across the country. I think they said they had a bunch of. those while while Trump was in office. and they didn't tell them about it. because they're worried he was going to. shoot him down but they also showed that. laser that footage of that laser. shooting down on like the Hawaiian. coastline yeah what was that that makes. me think of the fires just like if. whatever that is oh God imagine if they. could just light the [ __ ] Woods on. fire to make us comply yeah I don't know.

stay in your homes download this app why. the woods are on fire you must now. download this app put it in your. fingerprints we got to make sure that we. track all your matches purchases that's. the next thing they're gonna do. it's kind of crazy you just buy a. lighter like anybody could go buy a. lighter and start lighting [ __ ] on fire. just can't take it through TSA. you can't take a lighter through TSA no. really really is that new no matches. though right yeah matches I mean but if.

it's in your carry-on they take like you. ever see that little bucket of yeah. those lighters you can take disposables. yeah disposable and Zippo lighters. without fuel oh without fuel oh you have. to take they took my disposable this. this is a disposable lighters with fuel. are prohibited and checked back checked. bags I don't know okay disposable and. Zippo so the Zippos without fuel are. allowed in checked bags. so that's checked bags though. the one they took for me was a gift I.

didn't put the stuff in it yeah it was. like in a gift box you know it's a. little oh really yeah they took that. they took that oh that's dirty I don't. think they're supposed to take it if you. don't have any fuel in it and that it. was brand new yeah I don't think they're. allowed to take that I think they. [ __ ] robbed you yeah yeah they like. look what I got I came up final decision. rest with the TSA officer on whether the. item is allowed through the checkpoint. exactly yeah some of them are cool and. some of them are not I remember when. they made pool cues illegal you couldn't.

take a pool cue on board but you could. take a skateboard I'm like you're not. gonna [ __ ] you up with a skateboard way. you know did you get a little more speed. to it what about umbrella can you take. them you can take an umbrella you can. take a [ __ ] cane yeah just both of. them Kane like you could [ __ ] somebody. up with a cane there's a lot of canes. that have swords in them yeah my mom's. got that one that one's crazy yeah but. some dude with a limping account. somebody gave it to her but they you. didn't know did it she didn't know no.

just happened to twist it and I'm like. whoa [ __ ] yes oh no she's counted at the. house right now that's nice you see your. mom on the poor sharpening. [Music]. yeah. oh no you [ __ ] with that carrying a. sword that's some Next Level [ __ ]. an undercover sword in a cane what's the. what's the name of the place uh the book. The Place you used to go get like ear. ears pierced and they they were in the. mall. oh right right Spencer Gifts Spencer's.

yeah yeah somebody gamer came from. Spencer's wow and Spencer Gifts Kane had. a sword knit they're selling weapons. well this was. back in the 80s you could do [ __ ] like. that you need a cane in the 80s this was. it. it it had to be the 2000s I remember you. used to be able to go to Chinatown and. buy throwing stars the little yeah. remember those yeah we still have. throwing stars we've got the woods and. [ __ ] trees up there's a comedian who.

used to have those Stars really his name. was Willie RoboCop he's a comedian from. DC who lives in London and did he do. something with them on stage no off. stage. him and another comedian got into it one. time and he had those things out oh. Jesus they didn't throw it though they. were just that's a scary proposition. though dude is a really good at it four. stars. I mean yeah like they roll out like a. little belt or something.

Jesus yeah yeah I'm all around you big. shout out Willie. all right he's got them all around his. waist but I think he's a martial arts. gotcha he said it before it makes noise. and stuff like okay yeah I've seen that. guy in Forever he lives in London Willie. I am yeah yeah is he still doing. stand-up in London yeah. and so he's all over the UK you ever do. it over there in the UK yeah I just did. the O2 I did the arena up there it was. fun it was fun I did the old Pub when I.

was yeah. I've seen more of England than most. English people just on the train going. here and they had a little small towns. yeah so I've had a good time though man. that was the uh that's I guess I was in. like the 2000s did you do comedy in. those small towns yeah how was that good. State they had these things they had. junglers back then junglers John Lewis. there was a chain of them and then they. have The Comedy Store there's a chain of.

those and then they have this Slug and. lettuce we have Slug and lettuce here. check a little like a restaurant okay. and so Boom at that time they were. having comedy six nights a week all over. the country just had some Pub somewhere. somehow wow just hop around me will sell. Vance uh all those guys from over there. we just go over there wow Modi uh who. else. you know a lot of those guys uh Patrice. everybody we always go.

because the UK tours the UK tours it. sounds good but it was it was the same. as doing North Carolina and Georgia the. Holiday Inns that's what yeah we're just. running around from spot to spot. everybody just talked different. how did they receive the comedy they. loved it yeah because the first time. they saw this was me red Johnny and a. round guy do you remember those guys. yeah Dave and uh and uh uh what's his. name uh Ian. Edwards Ian Edwards uh Renee Hicks and.

Suey McCullough and we all went up to. Edinburgh to do the Edinburgh Festival. said that was that was a that was the. you do that no no yeah it's wow it's. like 30 days of just. really. every kind of show you can imagine yeah. but Ari loves it yeah Ari goes like. every year uh who else uh what's the. other guy. yeah he's perfect for that too yeah.

because it's it's August but it's rainy. as cold oh you're like I'm ready to get. them out of here matter of fact me and. Greer had a show across from the. president when we were there um this is. back in the day uh the president of UK. of Ukraine solenski yeah he had a show. up there he had me and Grisha was here. his show was here that was when he was a. comedian yeah and the show upstairs was. the puppetry of the penis oh that's. right I never played piano with their.

dicks yeah they do that and then after. that all the women come down isn't that. wild if that guy's the president of. Ukraine and they're at war with Russia. yeah that guy he did a show with them. yeah well I didn't do so with him but I. mean he was you know right over there we. all hung out together how crazy is that. it is you were hanging out with the. president of Ukraine the future. president of the UK yeah imagine all the. people said man I just smoke Newports. with that dude man.

is a [ __ ] comedian. Wild. and yeah never mind I'm gonna say it. because I was thinking about the. spaceship up there I remember one of the. presidents that we had here and he was. doing like a tour at Air Force Base and. the guy says this is stealth fighter he. goes yeah it's it's invisible like. Wonder Woman's plane. yeah I remember he said that no he said.

that well he's incorrect yeah well. he says they call this a stealth fighter. because it gets invisible like Wonder. Woman's yeah you just can't see it on. radar but you can look at it it's right. there I wasn't the Wonder Woman playing. would like go transparent so you could. see the clouds yeah that's next level. [ __ ] they're gonna do that for sure. because they already have clothes that. can do that they have like a cloak that. you can wear and the cloak will like. transmit an image of what's behind you. ever seen that yeah so like a a silks.

like a yeah like a LCD or LED screen. it's really interesting like they. they've figured out how to do some weird. stuff that makes it look like someone's. invisible and things are invisible and. it seems like a matter of time before. they can apply that at a higher level. like look at that that lady's like. standing. they used to do that right in front of. something did you ever do Bruce Harris. club before it was the stardome no he's. before the stardome he had a.

he had um he had a whatever the screen. is can you keep that up what is what. does that object she's using to do that. is that a thing she's holding in front. of her. it seems like a like she's holding a. screen. yeah and it looks like she has little. crystals on it looks like she has camo. pants on. so that's a little misleading. um so she's got camo pants on standing. in front of that tree and then the the. thing is showing the image of the tree. behind her.

wow. yeah they could apply that to a plane. for sure. and then you know with the stealth. technology the Predator yeah remember. the Predator exactly yeah. the language the alien language boy if. that's what the aliens are like we're. [ __ ] yeah if he was just sort of. hunting trip yeah he was no different. than used it's going to kill some. animals man yeah but he's just taking. their hands he's just rude I eat it.

kills all those nice people. which would help what do you think about. a like big game Hunters. like the people go to Africa. Africa is a very complicated situation. yeah because. Africa. has more Wild game right now than any. time over the last few decades and the. reason why they have that is because. they made it very valuable so these. people set up these large Wild game. camps and they people from all over the.

world come there and they pay a lot of. money and they hunt and they can hunt. anything wildebeest giraffes they can't. bring it back with them and they can. they can eat the meat while they're. there and they'll donate the meat to The. Villages which they very much appreciate. my friends have been over there said it. is actually a very nice feeling what. about like lions they don't do that they. don't eat the Lions no Lions is just. it's just like to say you hunted a lion.

the the thrill of hunting a lion you. know and then there's the conservation. aspect of it they do have to kill a. certain amount of lions so they have a. population control that they do so like. when they remember when Cecil the lion. got killed and everybody freaked out. they shut down lion hunting and then. they had a surplus of lions and then. lions were killing too much Antelope and. Angelus so then they had to send in. Hunters like professional Killers to. kill the Lions do you remember this. movie that Kirk Douglas was in yeah.

yes so come to find out that's a true. story yes and they did the thing on the. Lions and wanted lions. uh uh he had a he had an injury he had. hurt his jaw his tooth or something like. a real bad like a bullet hole no he's. like oh like biting something big and he. broke a tooth and so that's why he was. hunting humans because yeah easier it's. like yeah it's like eating cotton candy. as opposed to that right but that Rhino. the other one was fine but I guess that.

was like all right man you on this. special diet I'm on it with you so you. know what I'm saying let's go get these. [ __ ] well once you eat us it's. probably so easy if we don't taste. absolutely terrible yeah the lion pear. was said to have killed 135 people boom. holy [ __ ] 1898 and tell them why his uh. because one of them had yeah right there. was his little lion breath probably. stunk it said the uh Sabo man-eaters the. most widely studied man-eating.

pantherine cats given their behavior of. hunting humans as a pair as well as. Dental injuries reported in one of the. Lions a caught is commonly attributed to. big big cats turning to humans as prey. and these dudes was weird too because. they didn't have Mane they were both. males oh like that is that what they. look like yeah wow how come they didn't. have Mains yeah so they were equivalent. of a guy with a big butt. yeah.

but why didn't they have Mains I don't. know that's so strange yeah these two. dudes was. does it say anything about why they. didn't have manes that's so fascinating. yeah no Maze and and his breath I. thought they all all the males had manes. and these two dudes so they were already. outcasts no manes bad breath yeah they. got nothing they went into a railroad. track and eat some dudes.

you know you're spending your whole life. trying to kill a zebra they're fast as. [ __ ] you gotta you gotta sneak up on. them you gotta get them and then you. find these people like oh Jesus yeah. they can't even run I'll stumble it over. their own feet they're wearing shoes. just take them out and like oh my God. this is so much easier we can get fat. yeah and no work no run no no wow it's. just like they can't even see at night. yes these morons and they were all. railroad workers or something like that. yeah you just wait until someone has to.

piss yeah. sovel males look different as well the. most vigorous Serengeti male sport large. Mains while the Savo they have short. thin manes or not at all it's all about. water Patterson says Savo is hotter and. drier than the Serengeti and a male with. a heavy Mane would squander his daily. water allowance by simply panting under. a bush with none despair for patrolling. its territory hunting or finding mates. oh wow that's what is rocking ball heads. that's wild I did not know that so are.

there lions like that right now that are. there see if you can find like male. lions out there with no manes. wow. that's interesting I didn't know that. existed well have you guys been watching. uh chimp Empire yeah I had the guy in it. who directed it yeah Dad well how did. how many years did it take look at them. oh well here's the deal they had set up. uh scientists had set up research there. 30 years ago so they had been. continually studying these chimps and.

they had like very specific Rules of. Engagement you can't ever eat in front. of them you can't be closer than 20 feet. or was it 20 yards 20 yards 20 yards. they were right there with them so. they're right there with these Champs. man. and so they're like filming everything. and The Chimps get accustomed to the. people being there because the people. never interact with the chicks and if. the chimps walk towards the people the. people just back away and again you can. never eat in front of them ever I could. tell you to steal your food and [ __ ].

what blew me away was when they ate. monkeys oh yeah I was like dude that's I. ate a lot of money. yeah David Attenborough I think was the. first guy to capture that on film in on. the BBC and I remember watching that and. it's you see this little monkey and he's. still alive and The champ is eating them. from like the [ __ ] first. and I always thought that they were like. vegetarians I thought they were like. gorillas gorillas don't eat meat no they. don't eat meat uh just I thought it was.

just a rant oh no no the baboons I. thought they were the only one who ate. yeah I didn't know either until I. watched that documentary but they eat a. lot of monkeys and he that's one of the. things he was kind of like reluctant to. talk about the director I'm like how. often to eat monkey nice. he's like all the time every time they. can every time they can it's like with. us it's like fast food like literal fast. food there you go there you go. it's just I was thinking they ate them.

because they had tails so now I'm. consider them Apes so just I don't think. they have morals yeah I think it's just. survival yeah you somebody from the ass. backwards yeah it's and the way the. monkey was screaming. it's like it's they're so close to us. yeah so when we see them getting eaten. even though we're getting eaten by. something that's even closer to us it's. still it's like what yeah but people eat. monkeys that's a lot of the tribes.

people pigeon eating chicken right right. or uh chickens eating birds they eat. birds yeah well I guess birds of prey. eat other birds too oh yeah yeah all the. time yeah I mean there's crazy videos of. seagulls seagulls or uh they're they're. just swallowing whole pigeons have you. ever seen them do that they swallow. Ducks yeah they just just. pelicans pelicans swallow Ducks I know. pellets they swallow seagulls how big is.

[ __ ] that's so big when they swallow. [ __ ] it's crazy because the thing. realizes that it got caught yeah you see. it moving around inside of its mouth and. it can't do [ __ ] about it see we can see. if you can find like pelican eats pigeon. what about on that champ Empire when uh. they got the leader they got him yeah. and all his boys ran yeah look at this. Jesus Christ.

oh he's still scratching yeah well it's. still in there yeah. oh he's in Central Park somewhere I. don't know where that is. it looks like it yeah it looks like. people just walking by look at that. look at him forcing it down that's crazy. get in there [ __ ] that Bird's moving. around side of his neck oh. have you ever seen a seagull eat a rat. ever seen seagull at a rat that's more.

impressive seagulls eating rats or it's. wild they just throw them all back. it's a rabbit rat pigeon squirrel let's. go with rat it's the most disturbing. my voice down does sound a little [ __ ]. up I think I'm gonna have to take these. out. oh is that cat gonna eat that bird no. this is a seagull it's gonna eat a rat. look at him throwing this [ __ ] back. look at it just throwing it back. oh come on yeah. he probably tastes nasty too and he's.

like Jesus Christ I can't believe I'm. doing this. yeah how long do you think you can eat. swallowing rats whole and live. I mean how many how many of those. your whole body just filled with toxins. and it that rat was dead oh yeah. probably for a long time and probably. Dead with poison yeah yeah that's. um. one of the things that happens at the. Hollywood Hills they kill a lot of owls.

inadvertently because they're poisoning. the rats and the the rats are running. around the owls eat the rats owls get. poisoned. yeah they had a we we have overrun of. rats in DC just and the Rats behave like. squirrels they just pop out they don't. give up. yeah and but people are training their. dogs. you go after rants. I know you guys seen that video yeah but. your dog could get rabies your dog can. get all kinds of [ __ ] I mean most likely.

won't most likely your dog will [ __ ] up. a rat yeah and they're saying for people. to please curb your dog because the dogs. eat dog food which is high in protein. and the rats eat. oh well this Hawk got that rat it's so. [ __ ] red his legs are still Hawks are. [ __ ] awesome Yes they're so awesome. he just starts ripping it apart. he's a boy there's a ton of videos of. eagles killing birds oh. yeah oh boy.

play that part again. oh give me that that's crazy Jesus. Christ he's just going yeah there's no. morals involved in this there's no. thinking. no nerves. No No Remorse there's gotta be a hard. way to go to that's a hard way to go. because you're in shock all sudden these. giant hands with claws that dig into. your rib cage and you already know. you're dead yeah that thing's grabbing.

you and it's flying off with you you. already know you're suffocating because. he's way updated from your ribs too you. got holes in your ribs now you probably. got a puncture the lung get crushing you. just go ahead and eat me already Christ. on my way here today A bird dropped out. of the sky when I was at a red light and. I was like what the [ __ ] was that oh. Tesla record let me find out later oh. wow I think. uh I think a bigger bird got a bird and. its friends were trying to like get it. back when they dropped the bigger one.

just dropped it whoa cause I could see. other birds flying around as I went by. but yeah bird on bird Warfare is going. on like if you just throw out stuff for. the seagulls that you give to one of. them and they go no [ __ ] give me that. yeah. I was watching uh a bunch of crows Chase. off a hawk there was all these crows. that were like. swarming in on this Hawk trying to get. the [ __ ] Hawk out of there there's a. Huggle eat their babies get out of here. [ __ ] Hogs. they as far as flying Manu they can or.

is it the Falcon is the one who can. maneuver real good they're really fast. yeah Falcon's really fast yeah where's. that they come in dive bombing like 200. miles an hour like Hulk's more like a. vet right you just yeah but he can't. yeah well they just swarm on him just. [ __ ] with them until he quits until he's. burning off so much energy and he's so. worried out he's like I'll go find. something else to eat have you have you. have you ever done uh the the comedy. festivals in Australia no man so it's me.

and Al lubel you know yeah we walk and. it looks like when on Batman you know. when they do the bat symbol uh-huh. because you're just looking down at the. ground we had no idea about the fruit. bats in Australia you know they like. they're like this big right so you. walking and it's just like you like you. see that like it must be a nightclub or. something and then you see a whole bunch. of them and look up like ah look at that.

it's cold over his head. and it was just. swimming about look how big they are. they like chihuahuas. are they really that size they are big. look at this big oh my God and that. person they're right in the city scroll. down a little Jamie don't worry see they. right in the city they're not look at. the size you don't have to go to the. woods to see these [ __ ] look at. that guy holding one of the lady holding. one on the top look at the size of these. things look and that's right at her.

that's not in the wilderness that's. right downtown Sydney wow oh my God yeah. what are those things eat fruit. again Jesus. literally like flying Chihuahuas yes. Australia is a wild place this uh so we. were we were there and they have a big. they have a big uh Gala for the. comedians so and it's right in Chinatown. and they say Hey you know be careful. because the the Triad is open to the the. little gang members right but they dress.

like they're in a video they don't you. know they don't they look like they. should fight with what they got on they. got like little suits and [ __ ] like that. okay so so me being the big tough. American I'm like yo I'll walk into the. car and because she has a train on her. dress and everything it's a black tie. thing right and we're walking to the car. and I saw the biggest rat ever coming. down the alley he's just Galloping right. towards me I'm like yo look at that. yo look at the rat and she goes she. looks over and she goes oh but by then.

Tony was gone. I can't believe you ran I can't believe. you didn't run what the [ __ ] I didn't. know it was opossum they're possum oh. he's like a giant monkey rat yeah he's. coming down the alley you know and I'm. trying to tell her like come on come on. come on and she's more worried about her. shoes and [ __ ]. my dog got one of those in the yard the.

other day and it played dead he just. left a real possum American possum yeah. they they have the creepiest faces but. they do they do play possum yeah they. play and it works I watched the video. the other day of one getting attacked. Australian positive yeah it's awesome. yeah that's what she said she said oh. that's a cute little guy [ __ ] that dude. man this little pink little nose he was. coming down the alley. he was running at you yeah yeah. that's pretty big so oh yeah and it's.

early it's dark it's dark. giant. look at his eyes. I'm gonna get rabies in London [ __ ] this. I told her I said I fight them dudes I. said it out loud like I'll fight them. dudes with this because. with she waited right to the last moment. and looked over and go oh. oh Tony was gone. peace [ __ ]. I saw a video of a coyote he gets a.

possum the possum plays possum and. mother possums laying there the coyote. pisses on it. and then walks away oh you left it there. I don't know just I guess he's just like. wanted like he killed it it's like good. I got it let me just leave it there I'll. eat it later let it rot out a little bit. so he snatches it. and it just plays dead it stops moving. so he's like oh all right I guess it's. dead so he moves it around a little bit.

it's playing dead so he thinks it's. really dead so he pisses on it. just to mark it like yeah watch gets. over it it's like okay this is mine. [ __ ] somebody comes by I'm gonna let. these [ __ ] know should I piss. on my food yeah I probably should. let me piss on real quick. this is. the food break down maybe it's a. marinade of some sort get up does he. does he leave he just left it there.

because that's what they do a lot of. times with cats they'll kill them and. then they'll come back later and eat. them when they're stiff I think they. like them a little maggoty when they. stink is yeah yeah I think well a lot of. animals do that they bury their food. after they kill it because it I guess. it's like curing meat or something. well if I would imagine it gets a lot. more moist or a lot more uh tender if. all the meat is breaking down that is. gamey. I think they're probably just used well.

I mean maybe they develop a taste for it. who is this is the animal on someone. internet the other day it was he's like. just the baddest little honey badger you. ever see one of them oh yeah yeah so. I've never he he fights a lot he's just. an [ __ ] he's just yeah. ferocious little animal yeah yeah. all right this is good man cause that. cause I have problems with animals all. the time you have problems with animals. they just I don't know me I gotta. I got attacked by that guy what's it.

called pygmy goats really goats are mean. sometimes but this was like at a. children's thing yeah and we're in. London and it was kind of embarrassing. as a matter of fact uh it was me red. Johnny round guy. and Stu Caymans. and we're in the Children's Zoo of. London and we walk by I'm the only Virgo. and it's a Little Monkey Jumped on the. thing he just started screaming right at. me like I'm like really dude you're. gonna do that you gonna [ __ ] do that.

right here you gonna [ __ ] do that. and then we go to feed the little goats. the little Pebbles and I had on these. red Nikes and every little girl in that. [ __ ] just started going crazy. then again I was the [ __ ] again. because I kicked one I was like yo. and then they knew you kicked them and. so then they could the kids were like. the little kid because the ghosts were. just making a beeline for my sneakers. trying to eat them just.

chewing on them and just [ __ ] with. them yeah red Johnny was crying because. you know he does this when he laughs I. saw him the other day he looks like. Miami Vice. what's he doing these days well he's. been there. you didn't know that what do you mean. he's been there what does that mean uh. Futurama. oh he's been he's been been there the. whole time I don't even what's Futurama. it's a cartoon the cartoon right yeah I.

never watched that show I heard it's. really good what when you hear his voice. you go go oh [ __ ] they see look at. Johnny oh look at that. they were funny together man yeah red. Johnny the round guy was it was a funny. combination too if I knew it was gonna. be this type of party. it's funny when you uh know guys as long. as we have yeah you know there you go. look at him. kids. I mean Tony I've known you for like 30. years yeah.

uh what was it when I first came to New. York it was it uh 91 I just 91 I just. come I just yeah got released from. military and in that one week I did a. Caroline's comedy out and Def Jam wow. and I was like boy this Caroline is. gonna work out for me. no idea uh Def Jam was gonna blow like. that man yeah. and I I well yeah speaking of animals I. had done something on Showtime it's. called Leslie Nielsen National Lampoon.

comedy playoffs. right and it was they pick a comedian. from all over the country go out to. Vegas we stayed in the Sahara Hotel. because my last name is Woods I had a. suite so the other guys had a regular. room but I had a suite and um but on. that show I tell a joke about Bigfoot I. never saw Bigfoot but I was when we were. trying we were on train and you do these. training where you go make maps and all. this [ __ ] and we heard him you heard.

Bigfoot heard Bigfoot what's it sound. like hey I could still do that he does. that but he everything you see on them. stupid TV shows that happened he threw a. rock. all the animals started running and the. Marine because you know he's the guy who. knows where the markers are but we. didn't know where the markers were he's. the one who says hey we're out of. perimeter have you guys ever heard of. Bigfoot blah blah blah he was Native. American. but he just said that and where were you.

guys what state uh like Nova Scotia Nova. Scotia where they do cold weather. training hmm yeah and you have to make. your own map you sure they weren't. [ __ ] with you. I'm pretty sure who to do through that. rock somebody that was [ __ ] with you. no I don't know why are you [ __ ] with. the animals all the animals ran into. remember how you said they know how to. get away damn all these [ __ ] just. they just did a little Mass accidents. and it's a it's an old very skeptical. Bigfoot. I've never seen him but I never heard.

nothing like that either but so what if. you had a did it sound like uh it just. sounded it it was uh what was it similar. to. yeah Luther Vandross second line yeah. oh my God. like when you hear him on a record it's. one thing but when you hear him live. he's like. like that he didn't sound like that but. it was the same power power like hair on. the back of your neck kind of what the. [ __ ] well you know bears do that.

sometimes. Bears uh especially when what year what. time of the year was it it was it was. Winter because. you listen to the wind it's like it. sounds like a train coming you have to. determine where the wind is coming from. and like get like on a tree or something. because a lot of the um icicles are. coming like darts oh wow Jesus and that. night we were joking I was joking around. about it and everything and one of the. officer says you know this is a facility.

and you know we don't heard your. comedian we don't make you basically you. can't you can't go on stage and go hey. guess where I was at yeah yeah so I just. I was just in the joke I'm just camping. and we uh oh I see yeah but there's. nobody's in the military but we and in. the joke I actually do see Bigfoot it's. so funny so tell me so how did it happen. what was going on what were the. circumstances. we were laid out for me okay yeah you.

have uh. you get because it's cold and it's. raining and so we're like in a little. circle. it was and it's kind of raining kind of. sleep and we're talking about you know. we're gonna do this and do that because. we're comparing [ __ ] and everybody's. [ __ ] up we found our third marker. first like and it's supposed to be like. a two or three day thing right and. they're good teams like you do it in the. classroom for a couple days and then a. team goes out team come back team goes.

out and some of the guys who aren't as. good as us in the classroom we're coming. right back in two days. they just spent the night spent one. night and came back [ __ ] man we was on. our third day though. and then our first marker was the third. marker but he couldn't help us but then. after we heard that he's like look. you guys [ __ ] up because well. so how long did it take in total oh we. left right after that dog he told us. he didn't want to be there in the.

morning we wanted to be there. so yeah it's a lot of fudging going on. oh okay so he said yeah good enough it's. good enough so you guys were out there. and uh explained to me what happened and. who was telling you that it's Bigfoot. well we all heard it we're like. everybody's like what the [ __ ] and then. everything's running deer and. everything's just like discouraging but. we heard you know how you throw a stick. through the branches. like it's just like a big something this. flew through the trees and then that's.

when he's he he's kind of you know and. of course we like [ __ ] out of here right. but it was it was just it was just too. weird to yeah and then he was like yeah. you guys missed your other markers I. might know where they are like so we. just kind of went and got on our Walkers. and went back to the base because we. we're out dude we're out like 20 miles. I wasn't really worried about Bigfoot.

because from According to that dude. Bigfoot don't bother you. Husband by the other animals so that. dude seen Bigfoot before I don't know if. he's seen him before but he just said. you know but he just let you know when. you've gone too far in the woods really. like nobody else nobody ever says that. he grabs you and do that he just does. warning things just like on those stupid. TVs you ever watch those shows oh yeah. oh yeah we heard the sad quotes yeah. that's been the least successful. successful show ever yes they've been.

trying to find Bigfoot for like eight. seasons I've spent the whole day on the. road like if I'm running my hotel I. spent the whole day oh [ __ ] they about. to get it oh [ __ ]. yeah me too and then I'm like it's five. o'clock they got me again. go get something to eat you know yeah. that's not those aren't so successful. yeah I mean the best they get is like a. sound. reality shows man they're not really.

reality they they [ __ ] around they [ __ ]. around with editing you know I was on. one of those what do you do the naked. one a naked one yeah. I had a uniform on and we all got bugs. yeah so I know yeah oh my God the. suffering yeah also I don't know if they. look at how how bad can you get [ __ ]. up and how quickly can they get you to a.

hospital yeah like like you said where. where are the the Watchers yeah because. I mean he's not safe people get the one. time the lady had snatch was all swollen. oh because he said they had bitter all. up and everything because her cycle came. and yeah. well how about that show alone. oh you see that show alone yeah they do. that on the show he shot a moose with a. bow and arrow and then he had a kill a. wolverine that was trying to steal his.

moose and he was naked through all of. them. [Laughter]. [ __ ] it ain't no you would have made it. yeah yeah no it's alone as a show where. you're allowed to have a certain amount. of things right we had Jordan Jonas on. the podcast he's a guy one I think he. won season six is that what he won do. you remember. Tony your phone's ringing yeah kill that. [ __ ] yeah. um but that dude shot a moose with a bow.

and arrow. I don't know do not know how to do that. there's only a little switch I ended up. taking a picture oh huh I'll show you. make it vibrate you just hit this little. thing down I thought it was it it. vibrated all the other times oh it has. to pop up that's what it is you have a. phone case that has like a cover over. your butt because I dropped my phone a. lot how much do you drop it all right. now inside but I you know I always do. this like I drop it but I always catch. it or kick it so that it never it never.

hits the screen. Jamie's one of those Risk Takers yeah we. just got a naked phone naked phone you. got a case now oh it's got like it's got. coverage on the corners and stuff oh. right that's the latest thing and that's. been enough for you yeah I've dropped it. just the other day and like oh there. there's the one it's crazy. that's an old man move yeah I know. because I do that it sounds like what. you doing man you never see a hot girl.

with a phone on her hip like a clip if. you saw a girl like a hot girl with like. an iPhone Max. what the [ __ ] is wrong with her that's. weird right you're like she's weird I. will go that is so convenient it's very. convenient yeah because you you can do. this you you turn you know what ladies. have now they have like a thing that. goes around their neck it's almost like. a purse and they keep their phone like. on hanging and you know a couple credit. cards yes bam and that's a good move now.

say Mrs Woods. your son told you that's dangerous I'm. like Mom somebody could just take the. whole and everything is gone my mother. has that um what you talking about. someone could snatch it yeah yeah that's. that's true too yeah I don't because. it's all your baskets in one egg. or something like that something like. that you know what I meant to say man. yes sir all your eggs in one basket yeah. yeah you always got to be thinking about. that I guess convenience and thievery. that's why fanny pack is the best move.

and wait hold up you know Aruba Ray. right Ray Ray Allen okay you remember. where he does The Showdown at Aruba and. I was down there and um what what is. this thing is she urgent yeah yeah that. got me down there I didn't step up oh. yeah cause that's [ __ ] up but I just. kind of I stepped on one of those. um I stepped on a a fire ant hill on. Saturday.

that was just yesterday. it's how's your food it's fine now it's. normal. but I got stunned like. 15 times my toes look like that anywhere. look at that Jamie. Jewel yeah wow. as a matter of fact I got the thing and. my baby toe to to because my baby toe. tries to leave.

he said you get the little rubber then. put it up bring it back up there like. Yoga Toes yeah you see my toenails. you're gonna say thank you for your. service. but they my toenails got messed up when. I was like uh I think I was like 12. remember mini bikes and the little with. the little fat Wheels yep and I had on. sandals remember oh sandals back in the. day with the tire treads on the bottom.

oh yeah and going down the hill and I. had a little break with the it's like a. plate that stops on the back wheel and I. heard something go Clank. [ __ ] was not slowing down. yeah and I put my feet down and you know. of course the sandals come out. oh Jesus Christ it's all healed it looks. painful right now but it's it's good how. long did it take to heal from that I. don't think they've healed oh yeah you.

know it's just it is what it is you know. T-Rex you know him no tyrex he tours. with Bill Burr he says he says so you're. going too far with this Woods thing. because he said my toenails look wooden. okay. well you have an excuse yeah you don't. realize how helpless you are if you if. you just hurt your big toe in one of. your feet you're like what the [ __ ] it's. hard to move around this right here your. pinky pinky yeah yeah pinky because your.

big toe because that's that's your um. signal that's I don't know that's how. you pivot on and so the big toe and and. and and. Pinky doesn't look like he's that. important. true your little ring finger and ring. finger can reduce your grip strength by. 67 if you lose them. wow man you need to follow me around. you're thinking 50 of your hand strength. because every along with the ring feel. it forms the power bottom of your of.

your hand with your while the thumb. index finger and middle finger provide. dexterity yeah. that's interesting I don't know if I. totally agree with that though but it's. it's right there yeah but I don't know. if that's Universal it might be. depending on what you do yeah because if. you grip a lot of stuff or you carry a. lot of stuff I remember I would imagine. it would change. you're definitely gonna have. compensation because I [ __ ] up my. pinky and my whole hand was [ __ ] up.

for a while yeah but I got my pinky. slammed in a car door I told you about. that it was numb forever it was numb for. like a month and a half. um yeah but I still did chin-ups I could. still do chin-ups I just this this. didn't do anything with this pinky wow. it didn't seem to like reduce my. strength by that much here's a there's a. test of six different grip methods one. without the middle finger one without. the ring and little fingers and they. were both that was the lowest right but. is it is that also a function of. mechanics though because if you're.

removing the middle finger do you have. the same leverage on those other fingers. because they're all connected you know. and a lot of times things. this just looks thicker you just. everybody else don't realize how. important the pinky is until it gets. [ __ ] up well that's all also now that. I'm thinking about though maybe it is. true because maybe I should be thinking. about what muscles of the forearm are. pulling down and maybe these ones are. stronger that's gonna bring up the pinky. toe too it if you cut off your pinky toe. you lose it's not all of your balance.

but you're gonna have to figure out how. to balance again because it makes up a. point of balance for you wow remember. the pope of Greenwich Village. yeah I do I cut my thumbs up Charlie. Charlie. that was a good acting right there oh my. God that movie was amazing yeah yeah Jon. Jones [ __ ] his uh big toe up in a. fight with chelsunning he beat the [ __ ].

out of jail son and then got up and was. doing the post-fight interview and. looked down and saw that his toe was. like flipped upside down his big toe was. no no we got him we sat him down he was. like oh boy and I continued to interview. him like his toe flipped around his toe. had flipped around because that's how. much pressure he was putting into trying. to chill sun and up. like yeah his toe is [ __ ] up.

so we gotta sit down. mama so that dude [ __ ] up his own toe. and to this day he and he [ __ ] up his. own toe because he was pushing off so. hard when he's beating down Chael Sonnen. but to this day he has to fight with. that toe taped up to this day imagine. like how much he lost from having a. injured toe like that and he's still the. greatest that [ __ ] hurts look at that. hair's looking at it yeah that's crazy.

you guys you guys seen this new movie. with Woody Harrelson no I haven't seen. it's called The Champions well he has he. gets a DUI so he has to go and uh he has. to go coach some guys with uh uh uh with. mental dis. would they say disabilities no not. disabilities challenges. and that's one of the funniest parts of. the movie because one kid who has soft. bones he goes hey are we gonna he said. everybody get in getting your knees that.

can with my knee pads it's okay don't. worry about it so in the big game he. goes I think I'm gonna come out of the. game because I think I sprained my. finger he goes now you good you're going. to be okay I'm telling you dude. all twisted around it's like. is yes can you bring that up for the. champion that is a that is a funny movie. but I it's called The Champions but I. saw it on the plane and it's about a lot.

of people with with challenges so I'm. laughing out loud and if people look. over to see what's so funny and they go. really [ __ ] like no no cause they. can't hear what I'm I'm here. because it's it's one kid in the movie. and he always he grabs the ball he. shoots backwards and then he does his. Steph Curry. and they said he said he said he's the. only one in the league who does that and. they go does he have a make he say no. he'll never make it but he's the only.

one in League who does it. he's he does this backwards and goes. like that. since he ever make it go no he'll never. make it but listen he's the only one in. League who does it like. if you see the one with the finger that. that finger is. they got that on the trail that thing is. it because they have to come out man my. coach here I think that's a see you see.

that I fix it. this this is the best podcast I've ever. been on. you know so rambling yeah because. everybody else watching watch this. okay it was just saying give me some. volume just doesn't feel right. oh Jesus. but I want to play the team needs me not. like that they don't wait.

because it's new. oh goodness. you guys have done that in fights before. what just yeah just to pop their finger. back in place. sometimes your your joints gets. dislocated guys have blown pop their. shoulders out popped them back in the in. between rounds. oh would you you were in a Vegas oh yeah. Vegas that happened do you know for uh. skank Fest what happened they have uh it.

was like karaoke for Fighters you just. put your name on this and get up and. fight and they had a ring. yeah and it had a ring and so they they. played musical chairs. and so boom whoever I can get a chair he. sits over here in this corner. and the next guy goes over there and. then boom them two guys fight. and whoever beats that guy or whoever. wins out of that two minute round then. they do it again and said this guy who. just won this will have to fight the. next guy who loses his musical chairs it.

was it was dope and then he popped he. heard it Go and his his shoulder went. like that it just went down like that. and he says oh hold up hold up he goes. back he goes I'm okay and the guy goes. nah nah man. oh my God it's an Australian guy who he. he's like he's like you he said at the. fights and stuff like that and that's. his thing Jason Ellis I guess he's crazy.

Tracy is crazy because he the dude show. to go so Jason threw his shoulder out no. the other guy the other guy was fighting. and then he goes he puts it back up he. goes he goes I'll be okay because now. I'm like come on no Mike you've had. enough give him a big hand yeah Jesus. Christ he said we got adopted. oh my God. it wouldn't it kept doing that maybe. it's a recurring injury maybe that's why. it was so calm about it yeah maybe but.

he was he's worked up because the crowd. was cheering man it was we had to do it. on Fear Factor once it was a bull rider. and his shoulder was destroyed like he. had so many he had eight surgeries in. one shoulder and he said like if. anything happens it just pops out like. anything very anything abrupt it just. pops out it's gonna like pop back in. [Laughter]. but I guess I'm just I forgot about Fear. Factor so now you because you're not. dude I have run out of the room.

like you you just might be on instead of. cutting it off what the [ __ ] and it's. like like the the the the worm thing. yeah they're eating stuff I'm like yeah. you should have been there and smelled. it the smell made it all horrific they. should have had smell vision for Fear. Factor they should have been able to. give you a a dose of what that was. because it was it was so some of that. stuff was so nasty and but like you know. one of the ways they made it smell nasty.

was they would buy expensive French. cheese oh and make it nice yeah there's. some apparently there was a place in. Beverly Hills that had like this funky. [ __ ] cheese like steak Yeah I guess. some some of those folks that are like. real cheese heads they've like they like. wild [ __ ] and this stuff stunk and. people would you know just vomit opening. up the [ __ ] case to smell it and they. would add that cheese and people pay big. money for that stuff.

do you ever go to gym Road Sideshow no. yeah as a matter of fact we went to. Edinburgh the first time that's the. first time I ever seen something like. that because it's a guy he does. something all right he swallows all of. this stuff it's it's I don't know if. it's it's vomit it's it's this and his. beer is a whole bunch of nasty [ __ ] and. um and then we were in a big tent and. somebody went and they threw up and. it's like everyone's just barfing.

just like that just yeah I had never. seen that before intense smell like that. cheese you talking about wow yeah. Edinburgh Festival is Grand is is skank. Festival to the hundredth power. really really. yeah is that wild is that well it's a. month too right a month in the rain with. kilts on no draws just getting it that's. the first time I took e by accident by.

accident yeah cause this guy um he goes. I see he said he said how'd your boys. get along last night he's talking to me. and Greer how's this it was good man I. got a headache though today he goes. would you fancy a pill. get a beer or something like that and I. went well you know because they're so. small I'm like I these are like. obviously children's aspirin I need all. three.

oh wow yeah that wash it down with Red. Bull and uh. and then girls like Woody what's up like. what he said that he said that was for. all of us. you got a headache too yeah but it was. yeah oh my God it was fun. I mean I'm not okay I did the next. morning I woke up and I pooed it and. color with it son so yeah oh no yeah but. other than that that's fine no I just.

[ __ ] it but listen. you think that's for the pills we think. that's yeah because I I got more control. than that. I'll just go around I don't just go.

around [ __ ] on myself. I just I didn't like the the that was. the first time I ever did that I and. people always go it's so good so it's. just too Disney World for me because it. made me like you know we almost got in a. fight because it was a little guy there. you could I'm not gonna say [ __ ] dwarf. look it was a little happy boom put a. big red afro a big orange afro and I was.

like looking at him like with the oh. like oh like a leprechaun right. [Laughter]. purple cross river goes what are you. looking at Blackie. and I was thinking wow black is here. because that's my man. I was just doing some other super happy. [ __ ] you know right and this guy's. getting mad at you he was yeah he was. mad he's bad but. but yeah he he'd do that I mean he was. just mad oh my God on ecstasy getting.

yelled at yeah he says what's the little. Battleground goes. what are you looking at blocky. pirate talk. and everybody was so upset with him for. calling me Blackie. he'd already lost the fight himself. because everybody's like no you can't do. that yeah women are crying [ __ ] like I'm. like he hurt me so bad.

oh my God [ __ ] it man if you live in an. environment where it rains that much. if you live in an environment like that. it's tough to be happy I bet but the. grass is [ __ ] green it must be the. grass isn't low technical over there. right it's like it's just beautiful. ain't it. and it's just not so good for people. yeah I did it's one of the best comedy. clubs ever the stand is in Glasgow.

and no lies about this it's about as big. as this room really and the people just. in there and she's just like nice. yeah it's really good I mean the energy. of it that's all doing the festival. you know up in Scotland all the people. English people come up and. you you just gotta. just just have a show you can have it. you can have a show like that just do. just go over do two or three days just.

to say you did it hmm just to say you. did it because we we always had a ball. over there uh who uh what's his name. remember my man Master Lee. Master Lee no you remember do I yeah. it's really passed out that time. ready to break the board. you know there's a guy on TV you're. talking about no he was at the Boston. comedy club with us oh I don't remember. that guy Master Lee he did shows in the.

park with Charlie okay and he used to. break boards on his head yeah. but this one time he got to get this one. time only one time. it's funny yeah. that's him kind of remembered him now.

Savages. yeah I'm gonna read my haikus anyway. [Applause]. for those of you who don't know. Haiku is Japanese for. really short poem. now the beauty of haiku is that the. original Haiku poets could express her. deepest emotions.

cut ahead to this let me see the board. break Park. he said are you ready to see me break. the board. yeah that was the whole buildup this is. the whole build up too. hey. hey. now I know why they call it kamikaze. [Applause]. right there. well that's silly.

uh that's such an easy thing to do I'm. gonna break a bullet yeah it's very easy. it's a trick. I got hit with baseball bat. that's very different yeah like boy. those boards snap pretty easy it looks. impressive because you think of wood but. it's Pine and they're they're thin they. break pretty easy well I'm sure yeah I. wouldn't get the hard one. that would be good yeah I can't believe. you don't remember him I don't remember. him maybe it's because of that.

breaking the board over that maybe I. blocked it out yeah because I used to. have to do uh board breaking. demonstrations when we would open up a. new school a new martial arts school to. send us to a new place like they had. Affiliates. then yeah yeah when I was a teenager you. you were in high school when I met you. weren't you no no no when I met you I. was like 23 I think yeah yeah. you remember that bit that's hilarious. because. we're on a one and a nine chair what.

school is that was just some schools. where it was a college college right. yeah that's right yeah I saw Kerry. Breezy the other day and I was in Miami. remember Carrie where is it yeah she was. one of the agents. and remember Rick Rick Dorfman Carrie. yeah Liz uh rest in peace um. don't say that I forgot. oh man I forgot it as long as you don't. it's okay if you say rest in peace don't.

remember well you know Jason and uh yeah. she was a nice Lynn. remember Lynn she was the sweetest girl. yeah. and uh oh and Barry. that whole scene man what a interesting. scene in comedy in like the early 90s in. New York yeah. this one like MTV half hour Comedy Hour. was pop and Def Jam was popping all. these different shows were happening it. was like there was an explosion of shows.

that a comic could get on yeah and then. commercials remember rage McFadden was. Dr Pepper oh yeah man yeah that was his. intro dude I talked about Reggie. McFadden all the time yeah man he was. the guy that when I saw him I was like. there's no way this guy's not the next. Eddie Murphy like that guy was talented. yeah he doesn't really do stand up. anymore right. I I I I don't know I uh unless he's he. had a diamond mine or something like. that if you got a diamond mine I think. you need that.

um I'd still just stand up yeah and the. diamond mine. you don't want that you don't want to. consolidate all your businesses. but. you would still do stand up if you had a. diamond mine if I had a I yeah I still. do stand up for free yeah I still do. stand up it's it's uh like Dave. Chappelle was talking he was like like. how we do it how we get how we get over. how we get through it it makes us feel.

good it makes us feel bad all of that. [ __ ] and you know. you can. just you know you can release all this. stuff you know because uh when I lost my. son everybody's like hey man go sit on. the couch and everything. and I actually took the advice and I. went down to the VA. and I was because I was so you know hurt. broke up and and but you don't get it's. not like television you don't get to sit. on your own couch it's like a group.

session man and it was two young guys in. there man and both of them had like. titanium legs and everything like oh. yeah oh man I saw you on television man. can we take a picture man. and you know and I was like. I was like I I got my thing but but even. with my I felt sorry for for them. because these guys look like there's. like 18 20. I'm like I'm I'm I'm hurt. because of the sun I lost and because of. what happened to them they may not even.

get to have us you know what I'm saying. so yeah so I'm like this ain't so what. stand-up brought me by not talking about. him but just still getting down because. that's because it's because of him I had. the nerve to do it in the first place I. used to go to Comedy comment. yeah I went to a comedy club my first. open mic and this guy Kimberly was. juggling and he dropped the bowling ball. like on television nobody ever drops in. he dropped it boom and it only goes get.

the [ __ ] out of here get your [ __ ] get. us and he's spraying him from behind the. back with Lysol the people were. screaming they think it's part of the. show I thought this part of the show. right script and then like and people. like I. and then and then William Stevenson goes. up and goes next we got a new guy ladies. and gentlemen put your hands together. for Tony Woods. [ __ ] I'm not going out there. [ __ ]. I'm not going up there because it was. like it was like.

that's how people were panting like how. hard he had ripped wow I forgot the. point I was making but. what was I talking about I forgot. yeah but we would get into something. but I am. what were we talking about Joe you're. talking about a guy juggling on stage. and dropping a ball but I didn't know. where you were going oh yeah before that. I was telling you something. don't worry about it your son. encouraging you to just stand up and. help you get over here okay yeah he.

didn't encourage me but he was born and. when he was born I'm like right [ __ ] I. could do this I could do anything stand. up ain't nothing yeah I'm changing. diapers [ __ ] so you know. yeah so so that's that's what really you. know because I'm like I am someone's dad. yeah this is hard [ __ ] stand-up comedy. cannot be as difficult as this and it. was not but that's and so when I lost. him like I wanted to just stop. everything plus I still got two other.

Sons can't just stop and say hey. everybody I'm sad you got to keep it. moving right and so I stand yes that is. our you know look at how [ __ ] funny. it's gonna be when you go on stage. talking about an aunt toy your toes up. somebody else can have PS2 other than. that the fun part's gonna come and how I. kill them all yeah that's the fun part. they're [ __ ] This Is War but just. think of somebody who's not a stand-up. [ __ ] [ __ ] I gotta take a couple days.

off work man [ __ ] fire ants tore me. up last week. I did get an IV in between shows. that help oh yeah what's that IV do. um well the one you get different ones. do different things but um I got a high. dose vitamin C and NAD combination. and they also uh put some kind of a. decks of my form some I forget what it's.

called but it's not like it's not gonna. make you poop right yeah no no no make. you poop because I've been drinking this. tea. is called Morongo or meringue is from. India. yeah yeah because that was the the thing. clearly says take one every day you know. in the morning before we give you energy. all of this and uh. just took I drank like three cups of tea. the other day if you really want. uh sorry for the description but if you.

really want [ __ ] to rock it out of your. [ __ ] drink kale shakes yeah I used to. drink kale shakes every morning and then. I would have these shits where I was. like I gotta get to this toilet in time. and it's all coming out at once it's not. it was just not gonna be a long journey. this is just gonna be uh yeah. it just Lubes the old pipes up thank. goodness for bike pants yeah so you know. I ride my bike around a bike and I just. you know went to this place all this. health food [ __ ] and he did think the.

[ __ ] kale Shake I'm like well you. know why drink Gatorade when I can drink. that right don't do that don't do that. it's because I was almost my bike was in. the car I was driving and you know I'm. driving I'm like I ain't gonna make it. I don't want to sit in it but I ain't. gonna make a sound so you're like. sitting up your hunched up while you're. driving I got on bike pants but I got my. uh shorts on over my bike oh boy yeah.

I just went you know we just go. daddy [ __ ]. and he is no use of going uh stopping. right take this all the way to the crib. yeah take the L yeah and go but you're. sitting up in the car like this people. looking at you and hope you don't have. to get in the elevator with anybody. there it is yeah and I was like. and my mom was like it's the cleanse. what do you think that means all right. yeah I didn't think about that well it.

definitely makes you [ __ ] a lot but a. lot or just because it just well it's. all it's a lot of fiber you know and. it's a lot of moist it's a lot of liquid. and a lot of fiber and it just it's all. lubed up good for you right the um I. think there's a lot of nutrients in it. there's a question about whether or not. you should have that much raw kale uh. because it's high in oxalates and in. certain individuals they've had issues. with oxalates that lead to things like. kidney stones that could also be genetic.

too I think um but the oxalates I think. in high doses they think like a lot of. raw spinach and a lot of raw this it's. like a balance you know some of it's. good for you too much of it is probably. not so good for you well the reason the. reason I'm drinking this stuff now. is uh because I went to the doctor like. last month and they said my but at your. PSA number PSA because both my. grandfathers broke passed from prostate.

cancer so he's basically the doctor said. you don't. what they're doing is I got to go back. next week for some more results of more. tests. and so far the options is I think it's. like some Angelina Jolie stuff like he. says. with these levels if it's not there now. it will be soon so well it's just and I. I just I never heard anybody have. removing. that so removing your whole prostate I'm.

like so I've been a little stressed out. lately is there other ways that they can. that's what I'm trying to do I'm trying. to figure I read an article what else. can I do I read an article about this. guy. who had very high rates and they wanted. him to do something and he decided to. try uh doing a cold plunge every morning. and then he went into like a ketogenic. diet. and apparently he radically lowered his. his numbers so and it actually even.

elevates tell your listeners to help me. radically lower mind that well I think. that's that might be a way but do you. have a place near you that has a cold. plunge I don't know but okay you have a. yard yeah you have a ice bucket yeah I. mean you just you basically yeah you. could do it in a tub for sure but if you. get one that's outside that stays cold. all the time that way you you don't have. to fill the tub up and every morning you. just get in it you mean like just to.

just sit in it in your body underwater. for like three minutes and and it'll. bring your PSAs down it'll break well. with this guy I mean I don't know if. this is just his case but what this guy. did was twofold he did that every. morning and then he also went on a. ketogenic diet so he for he stopped. eating sugar he stopped eating anything. that is you know he is I think it's like. I don't know what the fat to protein. ratio is but there's like a ratio where.

your body's just burning off fat and. that's what he went into and apparently. that's a good diet for people that have. cancer too. so this guy lowered his his rates now is. that anecdotal yes that's it here here. it is Howard lowered my PSA with ketosis. and Ice baths the prostate protocol okay. so uh this guy has a marasco I have one. of those at home they're awesome and we. have a problem. yeah and we have one here called the. blue cube that's awesome too it's. actually even more brutal because the.

water stays on like flowing really fast. so an email from marasco power user. asked me about the protocol I used to. bring my prostate specific antigen down. from 7.0 to 1.8 nanograms per milliliter. it says it purchased to marasco about a. year ago blah blah. uh okay so this because this is the. question the guy's asking the question. and say he is this PSAs no no down right. so then the answer. the guy explained what he did.

yeah is that a. hold on go go back up right there. right there the prostate protocol the. most essential Sensational finding in my. blood test results was not so much the. Improvement in my PSA but the elevation. of my testosterone to levels that were. nearly unheard of for an overweight 56. year old man I wrote about it in detail. what happened in my testosterone after.

using ice baths to treat my prostate. I've since updated that article to. include more of the science behind how. it works and describe what I did that. worked for me however it's not possible. or it's possible that not every man is. seeking to boost his testosterone for. example my girlfriend who generally. seems pleased with the results of my t. levels has already mentioned that she'd. rather I didn't do anything to push them. higher interesting but more importantly. some men have experienced concern that. their doctors suggested higher.

testosterone levels may lead to. increased increased prostate cancer risk. okay this is a long article. um but his protocol was kept his ice. bath at 34 degrees plunge up to his back. for two to four minutes an average of. six days a week so that gets me 20. minutes of extreme cold exposure per. week which is enough to activate my. brown fat and maintain high glucose. sensitivity. um then fasting for 24 hours once a week. and then cycling in and out of keto and.

in addition to intermittent fasting low. carbs several days a week so I can be. sure he reaches ketosis doesn't stay in. ketosis for more than a few days when. I'm ready to come out I'll indulge with. fresh bread or a croissant or favorite. dessert or fruit in season okay I enjoy. good red wine a dark beer blah blah blah. all right so then there's this. disclaimer I don't know if the ice ice. bath prostate protocol will work for you. maybe you'll adopt every practice that. worked for me only to discover that it. does not work for you everybody is.

different nevertheless if you decide to. try it will you share your results. yeah so try it try that yeah you know. before they do surgery yeah it's you. know because he said it like he was. taking out my wisdom tooth dude he said. yeah yeah he said yeah we could just. remove you [ __ ] yeah slow down. and if this works I mean if it worked. for that guy is his level similar to. what your level is mine was five and. what was this seven oh so yours is. better than his already yeah but he's.

his is gone. yeah his went away yeah so you might be. able to do it yeah you'd have to be real. strict with your diet and you know I saw. him say candy and syrupy stuff and yeah. well all that stuff. the time you stop eating that stuff your. body has to still recover from when. you're eating it like all the damage. that you've done but it's just not real. food and that's most of what people. consume and when you start consuming. real food are you vegetarian no no me. neither. I don't think that's the way to go.

either. I don't think that's the way to go for. health and I also don't think it's a way. to go for conservation and animal. management it's like we live the reality. of the world is you have millions of. cows and millions of chickens the real. problem in the world when it comes to. meat is factory farming that's the real. problem. there's a lot of regenerative Farms that. raise livestock the way people have for. thousands and thousands of years and. that's great and you can get food from. them why do we have so much so many.

chicken wings. it's a lot of chickens bro I know but. nobody's eating that much. got his wings now people think about the. breasts like how many places sell. breasts a lot like everybody who wants a. Caesar salad with chicken breast to. honesty's wings buffalo wild wings hot. wings yep oh true Wild Wings yeah. yeah it's a lot of wings a lot of wings. yeah a lot of independent wing places. yeah yeah with nothing but [ __ ] Wings.

you can't do that do you remember that. place in the village do you have yes the. village yeah right down the street yeah. bro they had that death sauce did you. ever have the death sauce yeah whatever. they called it it was like the highest. level yeah I just tasted it I never ate. that [ __ ] ain't that it was good though. it was delicious it was delicious but it. was just insanely spicy the place next. door to the cellar there it is is it. still open no oh.

what's the place next door to the cellar. the swarmer place I don't know do I okay. you know the seller the steps in here at. the place right here yeah I don't know. no they're right there you hit the pizza. place in the corner. which. um I didn't do the seller very many. times you did Boston though I did Boston. and I did a lot of shows at dangerfields. because Dangerfield's felt like a road. room yeah felt like it was on the road. you know it didn't even feel like a New. York room I worked there the first time.

by accident by accident by accident I. came up I came up to New York for the. summer to do my uh reserve duty uh what. I'm trying to think well yeah I think. it's 80s. yes 87. so you sent a videotape in of your uh. you know comedy I sent it to this club. called who's on first. send it to him I go with some other guys. from uh who's doing reserve duty with me. I said yo man your comedians we go up.

there together and I walk in it's busy. it's it's like a Friday or Saturday. night and I said yeah I'm Tony wizard. gave me really good tape and she said. okay well you know sit over there I'll. get such and such whoever then he comes. out some other guy comes into it he is. Tony here I'm like yeah I'm Tony come on. you're open too boom go in. [ __ ] kill bang come on stage yo they. need somebody at Dangerfield he says he. says well the guy Tony just came off. stage bang I said where's Dangerfield it.

kind of looked at me like what it was. across the street when the dangerfields. and went on stage after Roseanne Rosa. had like a back oh wow and everything. and I went up there did it did another. 10 minute spot kill and then some guy. didn't tell me I still have not seen. this guy it was a white guy he's like. maybe. who's like in his uh 30s or early 40s. then and he was like hey what the [ __ ]. what's going on here who's this guy. doing my spots like I'm gonna do they. told me because I was innocent but I.

wasn't that Innocent but I still did. yeah I kind of knew it wasn't your spot. that's hilarious I knew dangerfields was. definitely not my spot but when it when. the MC said Tony whoever as I'm walking. on stage I'm like. I'm not gonna correct that [ __ ]. I don't care I'm saying I just went up. and did my thing I figured they just. misunderstood my name on the videotape I. honestly thought. that the guy had seen my videotape and.

go oh this guy's gotta goal he's got it. come on. they were calling some other name Tony I. don't know who he was that's hilarious I. haven't seen him anymore. because I was. so when I came back to New York in 91 he. I never saw that guy so he's I guess. he's real common Tony somebody always. check around. it's funny people that you meet early in. your career and just. lose touch with them and then catch up.

with them again it's a strange road to. be on yes be a professional comedian. for all these many many years. yeah meet somebody like they really. they're really good really funny like in. the beginning and then you just run. across them and they go hey man how you. doing you're still doing your comedy. I'll catch you on TV everything I always. tell my wife about you yeah and then. like he might be doing he's like super. successful well you know like I ran into. a guy the other day he's a pastor he. runs his own church and this and that he.

said man I'm proud of you man I'm glad. you stuck with it man and like because. because I remember being at that. Crossroad just like he was like what you. gonna do dog what are you gonna do I'm. like. what are you gonna do yeah I really. didn't make up my mind until I was in. Birmingham Alabama with uh my man rest. in peace again Vic Henley. we did the Birmingham comedy club and. that's when they called me and said. you've been activated now I've been. messing around I was doing comedy I was.

in the reserves but now in summer you've. been activated you're going to the war. and I was like damn. and I remember being said man don't. worry about it me ain't gonna be okay. Tony man you remember big Henley yeah as. a matter of fact he used to open up for. uh. who's his name tonight at the club come. on man uh. Blue Collar he brought white brown white. yeah yeah he's two wrong way yeah. I did uh Opie and Anthony with him once. yeah I believe. it on the phone hey I used to always say.

he said and didn't I tell you you're. gonna be okay yeah maybe he didn't do it. will be in Anthony with him I did. something with him I can't remember. maybe yeah he was oh but he was on Opie. and Anthony quite a bit yeah. good dude man me him and a guy named. Chris Kelly Chris Kelly was a little guy. from. yeah. yeah what. he was a little guy from what.

no he was from uh Huntsville Alabama but. we were all in the show. and the guy from the reserve unit. bastard he he held the phone everybody I. was about to go on stage and like he. said Tony got an emergency phone call in. our office I'm like is it was it a woman. because I'm like if it wasn't my mom or. my or my wife I'm you know about the. kids and and then she said answer my. hand I'm like all right damn my [ __ ]. hole I figured it was one of my buddies. going hey man can you hook me up with a. show can you hook me up with free.

tickets when I did my thing I was on. stage maybe like 20 25 minutes came down. watch the whole big Henley Show and then. we're going to leave we're gonna go get. something to eat and then she says. that man's still holding for you in. office town I picked up the phone I said. hello he says petty officer Woods I'm. like. let me go get him he said go ahead man I. know that's you. [ __ ] like that because because as long. as they didn't contact me I haven't show. up but I had to show up oh yeah and from.

there I was supposed to go to uh oh. what's it called so if you didn't answer. that phone you wouldn't have had to go. anywhere yeah I mean until they caught. me. but I wasn't running I just had not. gotten the call yet it wasn't like now. we could just sell yeah what you weren't. that easy to put your fingers on back. then right and that's interesting and. I'm a road comic I'm on the road right. right you you know all you can do is. call my house and say well let me know.

when he'll be back or even leave a. message and if you if he'd have left a. message he no I was not gonna answer. that [ __ ] hey hey my answer machine. broken [ __ ] uh. yeah I was supposed to go to Ocala and. then Fort Myers and then Key West. and instead I went to bowling Air Force. Base. Jesus Christ but it was okay. but having something that sucks. afterwards you got a lot of [ __ ] to talk.

about yeah. it's cool. we had about. thank you for your service that's what. they say. I'm glad I got that uh must have been. wild doing stand-up and being in the. service at the same time it was cool. well. I wasn't. I wasn't doing yeah I wasn't uh well. when I went back I was a little bit of a. celebrity at Camp Lejeune because I was. on um. a a show called tell me something good.

on BET like most people didn't have bet. back then as a matter of fact when a guy. told me he says hey just do a show I. work for bet I'm like all right dog you. know it was like he's just like another. he's like another Virgo with a business. card to me I'm like whatever man you. know yeah man I produce this now produce. that I'm like come on we got here right. but he said I producers I said what's. that same place this Black Entertainment. Television I just I laughed I was like I. just funny. and the next day my wife called me at.

work I was a bike messenger too my wife. come and my dispatchers said yo you got. to give a landline and give the rest of. your packages off to such and such I'm. like for what this is emergency phone. call guy call me I'm like [ __ ] it's a. call and she said you got to go home and. you should wear this and where that and. where it is I'm like for what she said. you're going to be on television this. evening I'm like what are you talking. about and she says yeah the guy from BET. called and I called him back I'm like. hey I met that [ __ ] last night.

he said here he worked for some people. called Black and Jamie television she. says yes that's a real thing Tony like. for real I was like I was on some June. team [ __ ] I ain't know. I was like for real we got our own. network [ __ ] you guys can go. so basically it was kind of a for me. because I was like everybody knew about. this network but me right and that's the. first that's open anyway so when I'm. down there at Campus room people know me. saying man and this is the misconception.

about television everybody's like hey. what you doing here man you rich. because I was we got a hundred dollars a. day for that show and yeah so it's but. people watching on television they. figure. yeah they just assume you're rich yeah. as a matter of fact we went to go see. New Jack City. and the guy says uh what is I got in a. fight that night because I was already.

frustrated. and rock was in that he says so do you. know him I'm like yeah I know him yeah. right. the meal makes about me and rock and. Tommy Davidson had done a comedy tour. called the slit smart lickable comedy. toy it was we went to Chicago uh we went. to a lot of places man many Tommy Davis. and then and then you know you know to. to me I felt like I'm stuck here I don't. know how long this war Gonna Last I.

don't know when you know what I'm saying. and then you see guys you work with and. on television and stuff like on in the. movies and stuff and this [ __ ]. [ __ ] is going you think you bad cause. you know like. and we got in the fight at uh what's the. place where you pull up and they roller. skate bring your food. I know what you're talking about when. those yeah yeah roller diners or. whatever they call them what do they. call those things. just Diners right yeah in Jacksonville. North Carolina we got them fight we got. a fight it was bad.

because it was I couldn't take it oh. yeah and oh yeah should I say this on. the podcast yeah because I went to the. ATM to get some money but my ex-wife had. uh took all the money because she had. power of attorney so I didn't have money. to go see the movie where I saw my buddy. in the movie and then this [ __ ]. screaming at me going yeah he said well. do you know him do you know him I'm like. I know Chris Rock I don't know the other. guy. yeah right he was just it didn't and. then we got to the place Sonic is that I.

think it's called Sonic get to the place. I gotta borrow money from one of my. other buddies and that [ __ ] just. gone next thing you know he got banana. milkshake all over him. I wasn't really fighting him I think I. was fighting it the person who cleaned. out my bank account yeah he just caught. you on a bad day he's coming up oh it. was a bad day because we're almost late. for the movie man because we stopped at. three different ATMs because I'm like.

well maybe it's this one maybe it's. maybe something's wrong with this. because I know I got somebody. oh. don't worry about the woods man [ __ ] it. I'll just pay you away all right so guys. popcorn too yeah. yeah see comedy is very therapeutic. isn't it well it it it's definitely the. only way. uh other than time to take a negative. and turn into a positive yeah.

comedy can do it pretty quickly yeah it. can it can change your perspective on. things pretty quickly. yeah yeah and then I feel better about. the bathtub. yeah because that's been hanging heavy. on me man just did because that dude. said hey we'll just remove it. yeah. um you should probably try this at the. time at least that's that's and I. figured this was this a god sin because. because all of a sudden because I'm like.

I watch you and I'm like Joe seems to. know a lot of [ __ ] I'm pretty sure he. might have an answer did my primary care. doctor doesn't have bam that's. ridiculous. um I just got lucky that I read that. article that's all it is but that I have. been uh doing the cold plunge for months. now for I guess like more than a year. you do like for very regular like every. day for months is it for pain no I do it. because it makes me feel really good I.

when I do it then I get out of it you. get this Rush of endorphins that last. for hours and you feel amazing you feel. way better do you know what. right next to my mother's primary care. doctor on Wisconsin Avenue and and it's. not DC it's really uh but that's the. there's a place right next to it and I'm. like. see see that yeah see I'm gonna tell you. something about racialism racism it can.

be so ignorant. because I saw the people on the picture. sitting in tubs of ice. and I said those Scorpios are crazy as. [ __ ]. and now and now I'm thinking boom maybe. that Virgo should sit in that ice too. because no I just had that that thought. of us leaving out of the doctors. doctor's office right here and it's a. place and I'm like who's doing that yeah. I'm like what is the cold plunge why.

yeah like right yeah but on the picture. it's like you know it's yeah it's. everybody's a Scorpio well there's like. a couple of things are happening at the. same time one of one of them that's. happening is your your body is. trying to protect itself by like rushing. all the blood to the center of your body. like there you're you're [ __ ]. freezing in that thing everything's like. gee and you have a hard time breathing.

because you can't relax but once you. learn how to just accept it. like that then you just breathe you just. breathe and if you do it for about for. me it's three minutes I get out after. three minutes and I feel [ __ ] amazing. I feel like uh more relaxed more in tune. more ready to go I know I talk about it. so much it's getting annoying it's. probably stop talking it can't but it's. it's it's in it's uh it's in Bethesda.

they have them all over the place but. this one is right on bethesda's right. but do you know DC Benny yeah it's right. in his neighborhood you know uh DC been. in what's the other girl uh when the uh. it's her neighborhood too well whoever. you should get in one I'm I'm gonna get. him yeah I'd be interested if you follow. I'll send you that. um I know that one right there and it. just and I just remember thinking see. stupid.

yeah I was uh. because you know I tell my kids that. like how ignorant uh hate is because you. can't hate somebody and that you gotta. love somebody to truly hate them you. know you just can't hate somebody you. gotta know them like you can't just say. I [ __ ] hate all steel pictures you've. never met a still picture. so. you can hate I try to tell them that. when they were kids you could hate. you're a wife because you know her.

that that that woman across the street. with the undress you can't say I [ __ ]. hate the lady with the orange dress. right she don't know her but that one. right there. yeah but uh and um I I did a bit about I. was in Australia and I was in a tent. another animal story I'm sorry I was in. a tent and these people rushed by me. because the music stopped like ding ding. ding ding ding like that and they they.

were running like maybe 10 people like a. small group they weren't together but. they running like and I'm like [ __ ]. you're not gonna miss that much of the. thing right and they go by me because. you it's a the hallway is round because. the tent is round and as soon as I turn. around it's a tiger. yeah a real tiger his face is like this. big and he's just he's he's right there. he has the saddest little look on his. face and then I always say because this. is what happened like four or five guys.

who sound like they've been eating. peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with. no jelly they were like. they were Filipino but that's I'm not. being racist that's descriptive. and they were popping him with some. little thing and they pulled him and it. kind of pulled him away but he just he. was just wandering and when he wandered. those people ran they drugged them I. don't know what happened yeah because he. was very docile I went to a tiger uh.

Park in Thailand and uh it's weird. because when they're young there's a lot. of Supervisors in the room and you know. there's like people that make because. the young ones are like fast and playful. and then when they get like a little bit. older someone always has to separate you. from the cats but then when it gets to. the big ones those big ones just lay. there dude like this yeah his head. yeah they speak oh they're huge and. people sit next to them and take selfies. so you have drugged up tigers in a cage.

and people like sit next to them and. that's the thing that people do yeah so. the point I was making about how silly. races and how stupid it is. because when they almost knocked me down. you know I got I not popcorn but actual. corn on the cob that I bought from the. vendor I was knocking down and I was. angry because they. ran by me almost knocked me down and I. was if I was on stage I say [ __ ]. Australians but that's not what I said.

right then under my breath I just said. out loud but then I turned around boom. it's not that they were white or. Australian it's a goddamn tiger was. coming. I don't know how that explains itself. but you know what I mean yeah yeah. because at first. I was just saying. said something bad about them because. they almost knocked my shoulder down and. my pop and my corn but. it could have been a group of black. people which I know would have I knocked. down because they would have been. running faster.

[Laughter]. and then. they've been screaming too they were the. quietest. group. like if there was a tiger behind you you. say ah you say something they just. they just. [ __ ] everybody look nervous. but he's ran you know and I think. somebody could have said run dude a. tiger's coming nobody said oh [ __ ].

they just they just ran they just ran. they just ran past me nobody I if I was. running and you were coming this way I. would go dude here comes the tiger like. that right I want to just go. better you than me [ __ ] that's. got to be one of the most terrifying. ways to die yeah there's probably. nothing like it unless you're a rat and. it's an eagle right that's that's. probably but it would be about the same. wouldn't it because his his big ass.

hands would just go yeah they would just. tear you apart but I'm just thinking for. us it'd be one of the scariest yeah. because our brain is not gonna. you're gonna feel him you're gonna hear. him crunch your leg oh God yeah and oh. he's gonna he's gonna kill you first. have you ever noticed like a lot of. animals like you were talking about how. the monkeys ate how The Chimps ate the. monkeys yeah because I think the the. butt is soft and like that's like yeah.

the guts the gas yeah so they they're. not gonna bite your head right they're. gonna start the head will bite back yeah. they're gonna they're gonna bite your. butt out it's it's horrible video. screaming yeah that's my dick man wow. imagine if there were things as big as. chimps that ate us. you have to be real careful when you go. outside. hippopotamuses because nature does have.

this very strange balance like I watch a. lot of videos on praying mantises I'm. obsessed with praying mantises it's such. a fascinating insect what do they do. they're they kill hummingbirds they kill. like small rodents they kill all kinds. of anything that comes near them I pray. is only that big I know dude they kill. hummingbirds they hang around bird. feeders and they snatch hummingbirds out. of the air you never seen us you never. say that dude praying mantises are.

fascinating I never heard they could do. that and so the video that I watched was. these ants killing a praying mantis the. praying mantis was trying to kill the. ants but the ants like swarmed on top of. them and then systematically cut off his. head it was wild teamwork. ah. yeah Jamie's gotta find uh praying. mantis uh gets uh hummingbird but in uh.

what was it who was that Woody Allen's. movie when uh. Christopher Walken was the praying. mantis I don't remember that so check. this out there's a praying mantis right. here comes the bird. how small this hand is though watch this. though it's wild. seems to know not to get too close to it. mama look at that bam got you he got him. didn't he isn't that insane. I mean look at that how [ __ ] power.

that insect has how is he that much. stronger then it's because he's because. he's an it's the person who is they. didn't want it to keep happening which. is rude because that Bird's dead. now that you're just [ __ ] up with one. uh he just hooked him with he's got. hooks for hands. they have like the end of their their uh. uh hands they just clap down on things. they're like these look at these like.

this yeah. he snags him. and look how [ __ ] strong they are. arachnids like spiders there's there's. so much stronger than they would be if. they were a person like with our kind of. anatomy our size you know Skin and Bones. and all that stuff that design of that. exoskeleton design that a lot of these. insects have along with this insane. leverage they have crazy you got like.

daggers in it yeah but he's also just. stupid [ __ ] strong yeah he just I saw. him just dude I did it I didn't know. there's there's so much stronger than a. like a little mammal would be if it was. that size you know like these things are. insane like look at the [ __ ] body. structure yeah like just that video oh. he's gonna eat the [ __ ] out of this. snake. dude they eat the [ __ ] out of everything.

it's I mean it's an amazing design. I. mean look at those the hooks that he has. for these arms yeah I see all of that. spikes so I don't like this because this. they show they're showing this to us why. didn't they show us the kill shot he's. already that's a really small snake. though that looks like they've gave him. that snake. these [ __ ] they did it for the. they did it for the gram. one is too it's like a setup fight oh so. the lizard eight oh boy they have set up.

fights oh yeah there's a website for. this where you can watch all sorts of. insects go at it. so that lizard. mantis and a scorpion who wins that one. you know like I don't like dog fights I. would not want to watch a dog fight but. he's winning everything I do not mind. watching uh mantis and scorpions do. battle with each other. here we go. boy I don't know.

scorpion looks like he's gonna [ __ ] him. up. no he already sick you're getting. What's Happening Here bugs on him he got. scorpion as a chef what is he doing he's. just climbing on him no do you see these. yeah other bugs there's other bugs that. the Mantis wants so he's gonna steal. these other bugs. so it's like are they gonna fight over. food like what is the Mantis uh what. does the scorpion eat I feel like it's. supposed to be a trap. stung.

so he's going to eat on him that's how. disrespectful that Manta says look how. disrespectful he is I'm gonna stand on. you while I eat yeah and that's his whip. right dig crazy. wait okay now he's decided to eat the. Scorpion yeah oh my God [ __ ] you too bro. if he eats this [ __ ] scorpion think. about how small that thing is in. comparison to the Scorpion he cannot now. he's got one hand he's got one hook in.

he's trying to eat this scorpion. it's using the wall for leverage he's. using the wall for leverage look at this. he's climbing the cage. does he give up after a while can he not. break the surface. oh my God he's still going. obviously it's poison who [ __ ] wins I. don't know oh it looks like the what. happened back it up a little he [ __ ]. him up yeah he [ __ ] up oh he [ __ ] up. he got caught in the Pinterest oh that's.

all they give you they don't show it. interesting if I was number two I'd make. you go to pay-per-view peace [ __ ] yeah. good [ __ ] up you got cocky you didn't. plan ahead. it couldn't break through the Scorpions. tissue that was that whatever that armor. is. they're so gangster but get the uh ants. kill praying mantis I have uh they. dissected it they like clinically. dissected it like cut off the the arms.

cut off the head I dumped them before. just. wow. so this uh praying mantis is eating some. ants. shake them oh. yeah they all started swarming them. though. so he's getting a few of them he [ __ ]. that dude up yeah but now they're on him. distraction. is wild.

because this is I mean this is so close. so his eye they're so tiny yeah that we. don't understand how Wild this is if we. were watching this and it was these are. Big like the size of lions. no amazing this would be if like lions. fought a giant like that that's what. this would be. but even weirder because these insects. like with the way insects exactly. might be huge it's a big one yeah does.

the queen go to battle well there's a. few of those big ones though. it's like the queen came in and she said. I'm gonna help y'all get this I don't. know if the queen would risk it all for. that but these ants just chopped the. [ __ ] out of this dude look how many of. them are coming out of the hole too. just coming out ready to go to war. how do they communicate I mean that's. what I want to know how do they organize. how do they know.

like this is why I look they just cut. his [ __ ] head off sorry [ __ ]. I mean what. how amazing is this just watching this. is [ __ ] insane. and it's crowded if we went to another. planet and we saw things like this but. they were big like German Shepherd size. we're observing that people would be. utterly fascinated look how many of them.

there are together in this little Canal. somehow they're communicating together. and they went armored yeah we just. accept it because they're little because. it's really really little we're not. Amazed by it yeah. you know we're only Amazed by things. that are I wonder was little to certain. size you know what I'm saying like an. aunt is Big I'm wondering what what does. ant go get out of here probably fungus. yeah get out of here well definitely. fungus actually because have you ever. seen what happens with uh the cordyceps.

mushroom and ants. cordyceps mushroom can infect ants and. it makes them grow spores out of their. body so mushroom spores and then the. spores explode infecting the whole. Colony oh yeah so much these ants know. when an ant's been infected and they. know that it's going to explode so they. have to drag it out so they're dragging. it out like it's a Time release bomb and.

they're hoping they get outside of their. Village before it blows up because if it. doesn't all the other people like see it. growing out of his head. that is the cordyceps mushroom has. infected this ant and now it's using its. body to grow it's uh it's the premise. behind that zombie show on uh HBO The. Last of Us the premise is that this. infects people. because this uh this fungus.

it's you know that when it when it pops. it blows all these spores in the air. and when it blows all these spores into. the air then the Warfare yeah exactly. it's just trying to infect all the I. mean imagine if you found a family. member lying there with a giant score. growing out of its back a bit of giant. sack of spores just whatever it is for a. mushroom and it's just ready to spray. gotta get him out the house yeah [ __ ]. we're gonna miss you dog.

and you just gotta bend a greasy bandana. talking in front of your head hoping. they don't get you and where you're. dragging this body out of town well just. so I guess the way that it just. like it's like it's like somebody. swallowed a bomb. for this with the fungus yeah it's like. somebody swallowed a bomb yeah. especially if it's in like a crowded. area like if that happened and people. like burst people got infected by course. of mushrooms in like a Subway yeah and.

burst out into the subway and coughed. and sprayed all those people would be. infected question with all the Mantis. crazy videos we've seen and that ant is. being controlled by that quarter steps. mushroom it's not a parasite but many. mantises are controlled by this horse. hair parasite yeah I've heard about this. what if that's creating that crazy. behavior yes maybe this is what's crazy. when you put the mantises in water that. black snake comes out of its [ __ ]. that is crazy there's so many videos of.

it isn't that nuts. so that thing lives in its body. can't get in the water it hates the. water it hates the water look how big it. is. I mean how Wild is that that's probably. why he's so strong he's like um it's. possessed what's the name Venom yeah. Venom. it is Venom it's venom yeah oh my God. it's a real life Venom and he's the. praying mantis is going I'm gonna die.

you're not gonna die it's a real life. Venom wow that is crazy that's nuts look. at it it's just like an evil snake that. lives in its body and look how how yeah. it even looks Sinister it looks alien. like just thinking that something like. that would live in something that size. yeah and he's not letting him out is he. I think it's out now it's out of his. body but but he's his mind still.

attached to his butt is he trying to. climb back in yeah but just just oh my. God is it trying to climb back in is. that what's really going on here it's. trying to climb back up his butt I know. he's trying to eat it he's like [ __ ] you. you've been inside of me I'm gonna put. you inside the other way so he doesn't. even know if he did that it would. probably just make more of those and. it's good is that just regular water or. they got something man that's a good. question I think it's just water I. wonder like if you eat it if that thing. grows in your gut or if oh man that's.

what this how the cycle is creating yeah. because it seems like he wants to eat it. maybe he wants to be Venom again maybe. once he gets out it'll become a [ __ ]. yeah it's like I don't even honey Brew. hummingbirds are cool I don't want to. kill hummingbirds can you see dead bugs. I find laying around he was sick and. just said man he said in his bicycle. which I killed a bird I did this he's a. [ __ ] here dude he was Venom yeah so. that's is that a large percentage of uh. mantises are infected by that I had.

heard that. um this other article about it says it. it the parasite is what forces them to. go into water. oh to get the [ __ ] videos oh so the. parasite forces them to go into water so. it can hatch. I don't know well that was the case with. grasshoppers right with grasshoppers we. talked about that before it was that. there's this parasite that so some sort. of a worm aquatic worm and it grows.

inside the grasshopper's body and then. convinces the grasshopper to commit. suicide. so it can be born. so it talks the gray it just takes over. the grasshopper's brain like get in that. water [ __ ]. and it comes out of the grasshopper's. body yeah so it's piloting the. grasshopper can can this thing be the. grasshopper. could it be the grasshopper a. praying mantis can he be the progress oh. yeah yeah pregnant so [ __ ] up a.

grasshopper I always thought they were. better I think they uh I bring I bet a. lot of the insects have parasites inside. of them I bet it's probably pretty. common it's an interesting relationship. like uh what's his name the little guy. with the Napoleon. he had a parasite. he's syphilis oh yeah that's that's VD. yeah. but a lot of people have toxoplasmosis. toxoplasmos I think it's called. toxoplasmosis Gandhi it's a um.

uh parasite that it's uh from cats so. the way uh cats get it is they get it. from rats and when rats get it rats for. whatever reason when they get this this. parasite their testes swell up they get. hard-ons and they get sexy aroused at. the smell of cat urine. so it tricks their body into thinking. that cat urine is like tricks there's. hijacks their sexual reward system to.

like seek out cat urine so they're going. after cat your end erases Their Fear of. cats so what it's doing is encouraging. them to get killed by cats so the cats. eat them and the only way this. toxoplasmosis reproduces is inside the. guts of a cat and then the cats [ __ ] it. out and that's why they tell pregnant. women to never handle cat litter because. you can handle cat litter and get toxo. and it can be very bad for you and the. baby. Napoleon's retreating Army fell by.

parasites. interesting. this podcast is like a lion king man. it's like the circle of life. ever since his catastrophic Retreat from. Moscow the terrible losses suffered by. Napoleon soldiers have been blamed on. hunger and the biting cold of the. Russian winter but according to new. research by French scientists the fabled. Grand Army reduced to 30 000 Men by. December of 1812 from a total of 600 000.

to 700 000 just six months earlier was. actually filled by parasites researchers. led by uh Dieter route of the National. Science research center in Marcel how do. you say that Marseille Marcel yeah have. analyzed the DNA of 72 teeth extracted. from 35 skeletons removed from a mass. military grave near villainous. villainous in present day Lithuania in. 1995 they found minute traces of. microbes associated with typhus and.

trench fever deadly diseases transmitted. by fleas and lice in the dental matter. of 10 neapolic Soldiers the newspaper Le. figuero the Le Figaro reported yesterday. would they had to all get it because. it's cold they're fighting in the winter. so they got to be huddled up so yeah so. everybody yeah so typhus. interesting. so it the so they're at one point there.

were 691 000 it got down to 30 000 it. was all from. parasites most of it it's the cold and. the Hungary did most of it but great. great tools definitely from disease wow. and if you're cold and hungry you you. buttered up together we're talking about. 600. 000 people dying from either being cold. or fleas in six months.

and then the sanitary conditions would. you have that many bodies like where are. you putting these bodies they're gonna. they're gonna all rot who's gonna be. around who's healthy enough to move. these bodies around and just imagine you. build a house on that land oh Jesus you. dig up you dig up yeah the wolves. that's my absolute favorite story of. World War One. what in World War one they had to have a. ceasefire between the Germans and the.

Russians because there were so many of. them getting killed by wolves damn so. they had they said let's stop killing. each other and kill these [ __ ] wolves. and so they killed the Wolves then went. back to killing each other right oh as. you should. put that I'm sure the wolves are like. these guys out here [ __ ] up well what. would happen is they were fighting. trench warfare so someone would get shot. and uh they would be screaming and maybe. they'd be way the [ __ ] over there and. it's night time and these wolves get in. those trenches and they smell blood and.

they'll pull that [ __ ] out of. the trench so people were screaming. screaming while they're getting eaten. alive by wolf so you're sitting there. huddled with your rifle and you can't. jump up because the Germans will shoot. you yeah and or the Russians will shoot. you yeah like and that's one or two it's. the wolves and so they had to have. conversations because they were sent. they were sending scouts out and uh they. would disappear and then they'd go find. a boot and they're torn apart bloody. clothing and they realize these people. getting swarmed by Wolves there were so.

many wolves up there that the the Wolves. had taken to hunting people because. they'd eaten so many soldiers. yeah so it becomes a primary food source. like human being like dead human beings. left on the battlefield in World War one. where a primary food source to the. wolves in that area. and and I imagine it's just like the. Lions again because it's easier much. easier yeah. wolves before you decide to have a.

[ __ ] a meeting with your fellow. humans that you're just killing six. months ago we got to do something yeah. we're losing too many guys to wolves. this is crazy we gotta admit we hate. each other but we hate wolves more. yes yes. wolves used to be terrifying that's what. Little Red Riding Hood was all about. that was with the Three Little Pigs were. all about like they were [ __ ]. terrifying and somewhere along the line. people forgot to be scared of them when.

they killed them all off in the west and. so they're like let's bring them back we. miss the Wolves let's bring them back. like are you [ __ ] sure the wolf was. probably one of the first members of the. lbgstmg. because remember he could have he just. went in there to put on that dress man. but we had a dress on and she came in. that's your rights yeah she said hey. what you doing uh because she she knew. it was him but she's like uh uh what big. eyes you had she's trying to back out.

she's like because she knows she can't. run from she got her back and she gotta. be slick with it yeah she just caught. him with lady's clothes on do you know. there's a a cartoon. of that from like. 1930 something and it instead of a wolf. it's a Jew. it's like a really stereotypical image. of a Jewish person.

and it's a weird cartoon man because. they changed it later on and they. changed it into a wolf. make sure this is true because with AI. today you never know when you're you're. getting fooled by changing to a wolf. with AI today you never know. like because they can make fake cartoons. this is like the best people well who is. which is the one it's a Little Red. Riding going who which was the one when.

the wolf is knocking at the door. that's uh that's the three pigs yeah. because this yeah yeah maybe it was. Three Pigs Three Pigs because they're. friends but knock it at the door dressed. like a wolf. that's what they're afraid a wolf. wearing wearing like women's clothes. right uh huff and puff blow your house. down. here so what it was was like yes. oh good she didn't back it up a little I.

want to hear what he's saying no yeah. he's saying he's selling brushes. wow. [Music]. [Music]. that's crazy the wolf is dressed up as a.

brush man imagine being a dude who sells. brushes back in those days it's a hard. way to make a living. say uh what's the movie that I set the. what's his name. is it set the the comedian the actor. Seth Rogen I guess that's is it is curly. hair Seth Rogen okay yeah he gets high a. lot yeah yeah I mean he did a movie he.

did a movie where he's uh he he's he's a. guy and he's an immigrant he comes from. he comes from Europe and he works in a. pickle Factory killing rats. you ever seen that no I didn't see that. he's not an American pickle he wakes up. yeah. is it good I really didn't see it it. came out during the pandemic it was one. of those movies that came out and this. is his great great grandson or something. he plays himself playing him oh wow. uncle or but he's he's killing rats and. then one day the rats attack him and he.

falls into a a pickle Barrel. the pickle the place closes down and all. this other stuff years go by basically. he lived because he was pickled. and he comes back and then boom and they. go the only living relative you guys. this guy and he's like because he knows. how poor he was he goes. you have more than one pair of socks. he says yeah and just because for him he.

just wanted to have more than one pair. of socks he wanted to have salsa water. bubbly water yeah that's that sign of. class yeah that was his great great yeah. and now he's just he's got a [ __ ]. sell some machine in the kitchen. hey cause you're doing really well for. yourself then. yeah so you just gotta see it it's just. a sign of the times like a guy who was. an all right guy back then he's a piece. of [ __ ] now because the the things he. said and the views that that his great.

great grandfather he says you can't say. that now. right just watch an old movie yeah they. used to beat women up in old movies all. the time look smack yeah. she said yeah they smack women all the. time back then what is that alone. yeah. uh uh uh what I just saw a movie with. Sammy Davis Jr. it's an old movie with Sammy Davis Jr I. think he's making fun of Miles Davis I.

don't know but he's like he's a really. good trumpet player but he's an [ __ ]. and you know he's playing this new kind. of jazz or whatever and um. Cicely Tyson is in it she's his. girlfriend the girl who played wallona. on uh Good Times. the one who sings Ain't we lucky we got. him yeah she's in it and her her and. Cicely Tyson get into a argument. whatever and then uh Sammy Davis Jr just.

comes up a boom punches her in the face. yeah yeah Winona from Good Times you. punched her right in her damn face wow. this is it I think it was and he used. all real Jazz musicians and did you did. you ever watch Good times yes remember. the janitor Brooklyn I never knew he was. a famous jazz musician he was in it too. he was in the movie too. it's called I don't know the name of it. but Sammy Davis Jr it's got a lot of uh. Morgan Freeman is in it but he don't. have a speaking part he's an extra.

that's how old this movie is and so. Sammy Davis Jr is supposed to be making. fun of Miles Davis he's doing the Miles. Davis he is he's like he's like. he he's a he's a good trumpet player who. because all the Jazz guys are in it. except. Miles Davis Disney glass presented all. these are real Jazz musicians. could Sammy Davis Jr really play no he. couldn't play the trumpet so is he. faking it yeah look Ozzy Davis that's.

Cicely Tyson. uh. is he definitely Faking It can I hear. that. [Music]. boy it sure looks like he's playing it.

yeah. [Music]. movie Magic. I don't think they had movie Magic back. then yeah they did I think he's playing. it man I mean he was a musician look. okay look that's Willona from Good Times. and Frank Sinatra Jr is in it too.

this is why I think that's really him. because if you ever listen to like a. real solo like someone who's really good. this is him really playing this is drums. uh. look at him. [Music]. yeah that's 100 him playing that trumpet.

[Music]. there's no way a guy who plays drums. this good would ever accept using a fake. trumpet sound not so much money they're. paying him I think it was his movie he. did it I think I I guarantee that guy. could probably play Everything. you don't think Sammy Davis Jr could. play Everything. he was a serious musician. Jamie I think you're hating I'm I'm uh. slightly no I think perhaps he can play.

it okay yeah he plays trumpet in drums. and but you know it's like. you see when a guy's like a real. musician you see the way their hands. move they just move better did you see. when he was uh. his name was Rufus somebody he was. running for president he was four years. old. he was in a movie where he was uh. I've got it it's the same way they was. doing he's and he's like four and he's. like he's got top hat on and just old.

movie man what's turning Classic Movies. sometimes who would you say is like the. the best trumpet player like if there's. one person. like it would be like the elite of jazz. trumpet players. Miles Davis right so let's listen to it. let's listen to like the like so we just. listened to that and we were trying to. debate whether or not Sammy Davis Jr. really played it let's see like what the. top and he's he's playing the Cornet in. that too.

a cornet that was the that was the. bigger one that's the challenge Mangione. one he was playing you know him. I'm ignorant about musician musical. instruments yeah. so um. I was Googling four things at once here. because I was trying to find better. evidence of him playing that while I was. trying to find what you were asking for. too. but as I was thinking why I was saying. that because I was thinking of this. scene in Crossroads the whole time where. Ralph Macho's playing guitar against.

Steve I and it looks like he's playing. guitar because in some of these things. he is. but. he's not because he's not making that. music. solo battle against him right he just. practiced enough but don't you think the. technology was Far different in the. Sammy Davis Junior times where they yeah. I don't know yeah maybe maybe it was. like yeah I think splicing the sound in. there and and having it sync up. perfectly that's not an easy task back. then. I mean I guess it probably could be done.

by a wizard of special effects or you. could just play Sammy Davis Jr playing. the trumpet which is what it looks like. I just don't know why everything has to. be conspiracy theory Jamie uh well I'd. be more for like the movie movie aspect. I'll go back and find the clip again but. like they're cutting they're cutting so. much the way that would have been. recorded they could have recorded him. playing once and then went back and. reenacted them you know so they could. have the camera moving all around them. to have that all recorded perfectly and. for it to sound as good as it did. has to be edited in some way interest in.

the movie. you know what I'm saying yeah yeah. that's true. so there has to be some Sound. Engineering too right whatever they. could do back then in the black and. white days it's called a man called Adam. is what this movie was called but let me. can you just show me like Miles Davis. playing the chocolate I just want to oh. is that what this is I was Googling five. things at once oh sorry um. that's.

um. it's way different playing those fast. jazz. miles and sound. someone has to talk. let's go back to this. [Music].

[Applause]. look Claudia I have been enough go go. back to the other one again is there. anything with Miles Davis playing where. it's not people talking uh. speaking of mouth she was his wife. Cecily Tyson was his wife she's married. to miles. here we go.

[Music]. that's John Coltrane. foreign. [Music].

people really love about jazz the. improvised aspect of it. you know. [ __ ] smoke cigarettes and play. instruments I didn't I didn't really uh.

enjoy it that much until just now. I like that I was listening to that I. was like oh this might be the way to do. it like don't do it while you're doing. other stuff just sit there and listen to. it. I like uh I like things without lyrics. as background music when I write I like. to play like classical music or uh maybe. music in other languages so I don't know. what they're saying and they're just. here so it only like gets in so far I'm.

not thinking about their words lately. I've been listening to a lot of this um. healing just chanting stuff like that. the the waves yeah not not water. but it's uh you see it on YouTube all. the time and it'll say uh it heals you. or you can sleep for two hours and wake. up like you slept for eight hours and. she's like it's just. oh I think I know what you're talking. about megahertz or something like that. um yeah yeah yeah yeah like mineral.

beats that's right yeah yeah. I got to start remembering the names of. this [ __ ] I don't know if that like. helps you where you don't need as much. sleep. what is this supposed to do for you what. are they what are the the pros and put. you in a relaxing State it's a big talk. about 432 Hertz it makes me I'm gonna. tell you it feels like. it feels like I'm I'm like a. like a egg like not a egg like a chicken. egg but those eggs you have on like a. piece of furniture you know like a.

something you put on a coffee table. and it's on a pillow and when I listen. to that music that's how I feel like I'm. on it I'm just saying like I just. like I just sink into the bed like but. it's not the bed I'm sinking into it's. the sound I sink. I I don't know how to like it's like. it's like I just kind of. sink into this into the. the bed the the just they're just I'm.

just there but I'm not like laying on. the bed. and I'm just yeah and I wake up I feel. like yeah. yeah. um let's go really yeah and it's it's. not music is it it's more like just. sounds but it's good and so how much. time do you do it for I sleep to it you. sleep to it I sleep to it like if you. know if I gotta catch a flight at at. whatever time at seven and I know but I. got and I know I I can't afford to sleep.

too long but I know if I put that on for. two hours boom when I do get I will get. up and I'll and I get up and I'm good I. won't be like oh my God I gotta go I'm. not like that I'm like yeah let's go get. it because I slept like that porcelain. egg. so you listening to this on headphones. when you go to sleep I just play it on. my I play it on my iPad or something. like that just put a speaker or either. put my earbuds in but I always won't. always fall out right but if you and and.

even when they show the picture of the. music it's someone just. he just floating he's he's like and you. see just she's just floating and the the. ones you listen to like how long does it. go for they got they got some of them. for 10 hours six hours uh three years. you can just put up there two hours of. uh of uh sometimes the sun to Zen sleep. music or healing music it it just yeah.

it's good it's. that's interesting I haven't. experimented with that I'm gonna know. I'm gonna think about it I'm getting it. hot in the cold tub at the same time. yeah I'm interested in it now yeah can. you because can you pull that up because. when you see it you you see what I'm. trying to describe to you how you feel. when you're sleeping it makes sense. because music has such an intense effect. on people intense effect on the way you. feel like gives you Goosebumps gets.

excited gets your body moving and it. just makes sense that it's interacting. with us in a way other than like the. obvious we hear it we don't just hear it. like it gives you emotions. it sort of changes the way you feel. anyone in particular uh uh go go uh. because it's one where guys just like. laying there do like that that's it. okay is this here let's put the. headphones on.

yeah that's it. until you sleep to this yeah I do I want. to lay down now it's good wow. this goes on for eight hours yeah. 11 hours it's perfect that's what I need. 11 hours of sleep. it's also good if you're a YouTube. subscriber unit or whatever yeah put on. your phone shut the thing. it just restarts it's like a loop I. think yeah this is uh this could be very.

psychedelic it's good you know you could. have some wild ass dreams steered by. this music I could drink wake up. it's like you know how you like uh none. of that yeah just if if I have eaten. I I don't feel full if I have not eaten. I don't feel hungry. yeah it's kind of. yeah but it's but it's not like I'm.

laying on a table it's right I'm just. I've used noise machines before but I. kind of like just sleeping. okay I like to hear things oh the dog. gone love it too man yeah the dog yeah. the dog loves the dog my mom's dog just. screaming like that quick update this is. the guy who plays the trumpet what's. that this is the trumpet player from the. movie oh that's the guy from the movie. yeah uh trumpet playing was done by Nat.

Adderley oh so it Wilkinson actually. Sammy Davis's Junior's trumpet is. overdubbed oh my God Jamie's right this. [ __ ] would call him a conspiracy. theorist but he was right how did you. know because that's I went to school to. make sound for movies and stuff that's. what you do 99 of all sound in a movie. is redone it's not recorded live I just. naively thought that Sammy Davis Jr. wouldn't want another man to play.

trumpet for it it's almost impossible. for them to have recorded that in that. setting and it sounded that good yeah. because they were in a space with. production there's a hundred thousand. people you know people around shutting. up at your at your shows you know no one. can make a sound or it kind of ruins. something if he's playing a one-time. performance yeah this is people walking. in people walking out like you know yeah. in New York so interesting I heard Tommy. talking about this he said in his first. taping people were walking around in the. background and stuff and the people that. well they're like we can't use the.

swings like but that's the performance. that was good so you have to you have to. stick that one and they did yeah but. he's like you can't worry about that. stuff wow hmm. so there you go. yeah people do weird stuff with uh. was set sometimes. like like when you I'm not gonna talk. about this I was just thinking about I. was thinking about Aziz Ansari set that.

that that that that one that he did with. Spike Jones where they showed the. background. like it was just so distracting to me. like I didn't understand why they would. do that like you could see the people. working in the backstage while he was on. stage it was like at an angle instead of. like straight on at him it was like at. an angle where you could see like the. sound guy and everybody no no it was. um it was a I think it was a Netflix. special but it was just a Spike Jones. directed it. and it was like this weird.

um choice that they had decided to make. that have it shot where it looks more. um I guess more organic like you just. happen to be there watching. no. yeah you can see yeah that's it you. could see the backstage area. so like there would be people walking. see where his right hand is there'd be. people walking back there and [ __ ] it. was weird. like to the door the exit door and [ __ ]. it's very odd.

but I guess it's like to give you this. feeling that you're in. taping yeah yeah that you're in the club. instead of it's like in more informal I. guess more relaxed I don't know but it. takes it's like why is there people. walking behind Aziz why am I looking at. people walking in the background why is. that in my mind yeah because it seems. like it would be distracting it's. distracting have you been sure have you. been to the stand in New York yeah and. the room upstairs they got the window.

open like what the [ __ ] is that man. because because I can't talk to y'all. with. these people they're doing stuff back. there and they're not they're not paying. attention they just it's like you're in. a fishbowl and I'm like right close that. curtain that is so yeah not cool man. it's weird yeah yeah but that's another. one of those ones like you know a. comedian didn't set that up yeah right I. did I I did uh uh the club that me and.

Louie did in Rotterdam it's called Club. hog. so if you ever go to Rotterdam you gotta. do that um as a matter of fact the last. time I was there I did I filmed uh put I. did footage hour footage but the ceiling. is low it's like. yeah the ceiling is low there's no bad. seats and you know but you you know it's. uh they speak another language but they. understand you because they speak. like three language Dutch is French. English and German mixed together plus.

they watch American television so. they're English they're english. comprehension is super good wow. yeah so if you have a pop over there you. gotta do that that must be fun doing uh. countries like that it's pretty. impressive that they have that good of a. grasp of English like universally. like we're we're basically either speak. Spanish in this country or you speak. English we speak English and Spanish. they speak a Gangnam they understand in. Holland they understand us better than.

they do English people. because yeah I think Spanish is the next. language if I was going to learn a. second language that seems like the most. useful one. you know yeah and uh also it's so it's. like it's everywhere every Russian. Russian I don't want to throw in the. towel just yet. plus that one you have to learn like a. whole different alphabet you have to. learn all the way they write their. letters and everything it's like very. strange so cool looking we all start.

popping out like that ain't who had that. fungus that's that [ __ ] dude they all. the Russians come with a gas masks yeah. right. do you smell the trees burning yeah yeah. do you get worried about this whole. Ukraine war thing it seems a little. yeah. speaking of Amsterdam we're in Amsterdam. there's a Russian comedian over there. he's doing a spot at the comedy Cafe. over an Amsterdam and we're like hey you. guys and he goes That's Just media.

there's no war that's what these. wrestling people say this is no war. so the Russians don't believe the war's. real maybe that was just that group. because they just said no that's. ridiculous wow here's the thing. Russia does not have an open Society. like you can't just print anything you. want in the news you can't just you know. they don't have the kind of freedom to. talk about stories that we have in. America they have control of their. internet so and they also punish.

dissidents they they punish people so if. you're over there. you want to believe what they tell you. who knows what they tell what are the. people in Russia think is going on with. Ukraine. I we didn't get that deep into it they. because you know of course one of the. other comedians says something to them. about the war and they go that's not. true that's just which that's what they. put on television they want you to. believe that but there's no way are. there the Russian equivalents to people. that tell you that Trump won the.

election. I guess probably Trump won that election. he's my president yes this is another. maybe the Russian equivalent of that but. in America at least his shirts with the. flag on them I don't need a mask I'm. free. if you are. like in Russia how much access to the. actual dues do you have I don't know I. mean how much access to like the way the. whole world. how dangerous is that for you like if. you decide to use a firewall you know.

some sort of uh um VPN these people were. in Amsterdam this guy whoever is a big. comedian in Russia and they were doing. something there for all Russian audience. and and they looked at us like we were I. wasn't doing the questioning like you're. a naive like like like you guys believe. that like that's not even real that's. just. media hype or something like. damn I was like wow. imagine being that confident yeah they.

they were like why would you be that. confident that they yeah they were they. were that confident to tell us. yeah you know basically you don't know. what you're talking about please don't. believe that like that and it was some. comedians from England and there was US. America and we all said no no no there's. a war. we're gonna do our comedy showing here. tonight and we're going to laugh it up. go do what the [ __ ] you [ __ ].

Americans and English people do and. that's people do yeah it's like wow. wow if you don't know you don't know. it's not it's not that he didn't know. right so he doesn't want to talk about. it that's what it sounds like yeah but. it wasn't just one person. he's like you know like hey what do you. guys think about that oh come on enough. for this already. yeah maybe just tired of talking about. it maybe it's been talking about I bet.

for a year yeah imagine being a Russian. dude everywhere you go they're asking. you about you crying you're like what. the [ __ ] what do you want me to do yeah. what do you want me to do. I'm over here selling watches yeah. uh. you know. it's just weird that a comedian is. running the country. wild and you saw him play the piano as. dick no no you didn't see that no I. didn't say that I said did he do it.

though no I did no that's what was going. on across the street that's no okay but. didn't zielinski do something like that. I don't know oh no no no no no no no no. I think did you do that. yeah I think it was like part of his act. oh but I was talking about the guys from. puppetry the penis. right they they had their show me and. Greer were in this venue and he was in. that venue so well okay I'm confused. because I think I watched a video of. zelenski doing this comedy routine where. he's like in front of a piano.

yeah oh playing piano with his penis. yeah so but they don't see their penises. so who knows what's really going on but. he does they do take their pants down. here it goes let me hear some. [Music]. [Music]. no they're not really making that noise. right I don't think oh you now you were. skeptical before.

serious no I'm just kidding you think. that one's real. I'm very skeptical. very skeptical that was real yeah no. [ __ ] you can't even see the piano. there's probably nothing Tony Woods I. love you thank you for doing my club. this weekend man very excited to have me. very excited to have you show the world. let them know. um uh tell everybody your social media. ass they can follow you when am I am uh. Tony Woods with a Z on Instagram and. then I got a website too man.

Tony woods.com I don't know. I think yeah the Tony woods.com yeah. that's my thing that's me all right and. um I'm supposed to be doing a special. the first week of August which Dave's. supposed to produce it it's up in New. York beautiful yeah oh wait I don't know. if I'm supposed to say that too late too. late.

[Music]. [Applause]. okay. [Music].