Joe Rogan Experience #1989 - Andrew Dice Clay

Joe Rogan podcast check it out The Joe. Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan. podcast by night all. day yeah number one it's great to see. you great to see you too let me just do. with you know what I got to. do you know are these your uh podcast. classes you got special ones what's his. name Jamie that's young Jamie you you do. understand I'm doing The Joe Rogan.

experience right he's doing The Joe. Rogan Experience so why would I yeah you. got swap glasses o I like those we go. with the Chrome I like see what happens. I like it I like the Chrome the Chrome I. like it I like how you have a case those. are serious Shades this is the. experience this is your you've now taken. over everything in my opinion and I'm. proud of you for that thank you and see. well I'm proud to be your friend well. I'm proud to be yours now if you're Noti.

you know I was in your documentary and I. everything I said I 100% believe and is. true and I appreciate and we were. actually just talking about you last. night and I was I was telling these guys. I go dice is doing the only real. alternative comedy that's out there. those videos that you're doing with. fans you were first of all you were one. of the original Originators of what I. would call alternative comedy this is. this is what you did you did the day the.

laughter died in the height of your. success you were selling out Arenas all. over the [ __ ] place and you decided. to do ganger Fields when no one was in. there with no material and just [ __ ]. around and it's amazing listen listen. before we even go. there all right I got a little beef with. you nothing that's not it's not going to. get violent okay none of that what's the. beef because even years ago when you.

first came to LA and trust me you were. alternative the minute I walked. alternative I don't mean alternative and. a negative way no you doing it your own. way the way you saw fit the way I did it. the way Kennison did it that's how you. did it so I come walking into the. original. room i' come in through the back I. always do the same thing I go into. through the kitchen club soda red straw. $5 tip into the original room.

cuz I'm hearing something somebody I. don't know. okay and I look in there and it's You. full force I mean screaming at the crowd. and what made it even. better you number one you were doing. time and you were just going ballistic I. thought you were gonna start breaking. the stool I I mean you just you know you.

were also just finding your legs we're. talking. about 25 maybe even closer to 30 years. ago when you first came out there and. you're screaming your head off and you. get in a Heckle fight with a guy now I. will admit that the Heckle fights I've. had end in the club okay it just ends. not you this went. outside where there's I don't know 20. people 20 something people between the.

two years I'm going he's going to kill. this guy for what the guy yelled out. during his set but you were right. because the guy didn't stop and he was. one of those well that no that guy was. threatening me no he was he was. threatening me and he said he was going. to throw a glass Drass back and you. would just I don't know if he was that. drunk I think he was just a piece of. [ __ ] yeah and he the thing about that. guy I know that story that guy had done. that to a bunch of other comedians. before me and I get to see and watch it. and they didn't know how to handle it he.

was just being a piece of [ __ ] no I know. that and look I've had is it difference. between like a Heckler and someone who. like purposely tries to interrupt the. set for their own joy and [ __ ] with. people and doesn't care and then he. threatened me and so I was like okay. we'll see what happens let's go outside. yeah yeah but that's what I loved you. know you know I even loved one time you. know I'm out back and I know how close. you are with Diaz and he gets in a. little argument with someone but what is.

and I'm watching this and I'm like oh. please why am I even here you know I. wasn't even going to come out tonight. and it's getting heated and he has a bad. temper so he takes one of the big. glasses and he just breaks it so it's a. jagged edge and I'm like Joey what what. are you doing put the glass down it's. like I see that he's seeing red I go put. the glass down and he's looking at me. and he's like yeah you're right he's not. work I'm go where that this is a comedy.

club what goes on here you know Rogan's. chasing people outside to continue to. fight you're ready to cut some guys I. know the Diaz story too though the Diaz. guy that that guy was a piece of [ __ ]. too but the other guy was a biker he's. like this this tough guy that liked to. [ __ ] with Joey and Joey was like I will. cut you and he was Will to but this is. this is Joey like fresh out of jail Joey. this is Joey like 30 years go Joey it's.

a different Joey yeah and this is Dice. just wanting to do a a pop in well also. me for then back then it was just so. weird to be around you cuz I I I've told. the story before but when I was 19 years. old me and my girlfriend were sitting in. my [ __ ] car in front of my house I'll. never forget it and we're listening to. dice the cassette and we're howling. laughing she was crying she was just. going ah she just kept like slapping her. arms and and we I just remember thinking.

this before I even thought about doing. an open mic I just kept thinking how the. [ __ ] is someone so funny I remember. listening to that cassette it was so. good it was so fun it's so silly and it. just me as a kid as a 19-year-old kid. trying to find my way in life it's just. like so just for me being around when I. came to the store I used to be like holy. [ __ ] that's Dice Clay it's it was weird. listen first off I appreciate the things. you you say and that you have said when.

I'm not here but I mean everything am I. allowed to tell you how proud I am of. you you can tell me anything you want no. because I have watched you see people. forget your beginning you know I. remember to standup I remember you want. a hit sitcom I remember it wasn't really. a hit well I remember after yeah but I. remember what I do remember and you've. brought this up on the show where um I. was like I had like a few weeks off I. would do half a million people and then.

come home for a few weeks that that was. my touring you know we'll get into all. that we could show a clip I think I sent. the clip of me just standing on stage at. the Garden not even talking and. um. so what what happened is I'm back cuz I. would book 20 cities at a clip and. honestly we all know this is before any. kind of social media this is 35 years. years ago yes the ad was the size of the.

pad which if you notice says. Rogan i b a p to make. notes do you understand you understand I. appreciate it you know I like how. they're written big too don't forget the. back page the back page but yeah that's. a whole pad that I'll never use again. what you didn't notice I'm not in. leather you're wearing are you going. vegan on me no this is daytime dice oh. day time why would I wear a show leather.

I understand during the day so I gave. you the motorcycle I gave you the gloves. but we went cotton I like it all out. casual new comfortable casual. comfortable so back. then I see you hanging outside this is. the first time we talk really and I come. over to you you're just in the back. parking lot the same area where Diaz was. going to cut somebody's throat wrot. weeks earlier all right and you're just.

hanging out you know and I said how you. doing I introduced myself and you were. really respectful really nice you still. are and I said what are you doing here. and you said what do you mean I'm you. know I'm a comic I'm going to do a set I. go no what are you doing here you know. at the store you know for $25 I go. you're on in my opinion a hit show a hit. sitcom I go you can be out there making.

tens of thousands of dollars on the road. and you're like and I'm thinking who's. his manager like I wanted to call the. manager go why do you have your client. at the store when he's on a hit show. when in three days he could go make. himself 15 20 grand in a minute you know. and you were looking at me going. really yeah that's what it's about well. you this is what I I tell everybody this. I remember where we were standing you. came up to me like you should do the.

road right outside the back door why why. are you doing the road I was like why. aren't I doing the road yeah I should. probably do the road I mean it was a lot. of it was like uh sitcoms are a lot of. work especially in the early days there. was like 16-hour days and you're. exhausted and I just was was happy to. just still be doing standup so I'd go to. the store I didn't have any friends I. just moved there so I'd go to the store. after I did my work all day and I could. do a set that's that's sort of why I did. it you know but but it was just so great. the way you looked at me like really.

like I could be making more than 25 I. knew I could be making money and we all. know what the store's about it's not. about money the store's that college for. Comics that we all the hangout it it's. just the greatest place know well now. there's two great places now we got the. mothership we basically did the story in. Texas but you telling me that changed my. life it did because then I started. touring I listened to you because that's. why you're sitting right here right now. that's why when when when your show.

elevated to this level you were getting. texting from me because I was there. before you in a different way you know. but you know let me tell you something. when you're the first guy to I'm the. first guy to do what I did yes you know. I mean I always looked up to Eddie. Murphy I think he's the absolute. greatest from standup to to the films. he's done and that's sort of the career. I wanted I figured I would just go from. doing you know uh millions of people on.

the road to just movie start them you. know but you know I got the backlash you. know yeah you were the first to get the. backlash yeah but yeah I was the. first so ban from MTV ban from MTV for. jokes let me you're bringing up stuff I. want to bring up but let me all right so. with MTV this is what you'll love this. is the part you don't know well didn't. they approve that said anyway no they.

didn't prove anything they didn't know. no. see you know this is the thing you know. I always had an expression nobody [ __ ]. with dice dice does the [ __ ] in the. past the present the future and a day. dice ultimately in the Multiverse does. the [ __ ] that's it in the Multiverse. so I come for the. rehearsal and my whole job was to hit my.

mark and ladies and gentlemen I remember. the last Puritan share and I make that. move with my hand share. okay so I'm getting ready and that uh. they already had a couple comics on that. just tanked you know Paul Riser and I. think he's great but tough crowds you. don't come out on the MTV Awards at the. universal Amphitheater and talk about. the hats Sinatra.

War I'm looking at my friend going look. look at the crowd nobody it's like he's. not even in the room you know my friend. says to me he goes well you could go out. there and you could either be a tear. drop or you could be a tidal wave you. know you okay. so I don't really want to go nuts I'm. trying to do the right thing I got the. biggest manager ever Sandy Gallen who.

had everybody from whoopy to Stallone to. Dolly Parton I mean I'm sure you know. the name Sandy Gallen okay so biggest. manager in Hollywood so I'm trying to do. the right thing and um so now I don't. know a minute before I go out Areno is. the. host Here Comes Dick Clark who wow it's. Dick Clark you know you grow up watching. this man and he comes over just to hear. him call call me dice was.

hilarious and he goes look. dice if you got a stretch a cineo will. come over to you and you'll play around. and I go whoa whoa wait a minute what do. you mean stretch stretch what you know. what am I stretching my dick what are. you talking about no I'm not even. kidding he goes no you know because sham. might not be ready I go no no no we. didn't work anything out me and Areno. and I had no problem with Areno but you. know this is a stand alone spot you know.

and he goes well this is the way things. go I go don't [ __ ] tell me how things. go okay you're not my boss you know and. as I'm getting angry at him which in my. mind I'm going are you really getting. angry at Dick Clark right they start. introducing. me well I come out there now I'm angry. now everybody's going to pay now. everybody will be. disciplined and I don't know how I did. the set but I went into the poems now.

you got to understand this is not HBO or. Showtime this is MTV this is everybody. gets this it's free you know I go into. the poems and uh what was the poem uh oh. that got me banned I go Georgie Porgy. putting in pie jerked off in his. girlfriend's eye when her eye was dry. and shut Georgie [ __ ] that oneeyed. [ __ ] oh and the going [ __ ] crazy so I.

figured go into my fat girl stuff and. that ended with you don't know where the. tits begin and the belly ends it's like. one big glop of [ __ ] right and I go now. I go cuz they gave me a signal ladies. and gentlemen the last Puritan share and. she comes out singing If I Could Turn. Back Time which is what everybody was. thinking in the room if we could turn. back time about 8 minutes but in the.

meantime while I'm doing the ACT Dick. Clark goes to charge me and Areno jumps. on his back and tackles him Dick Dick. Clark's trying to stop your set Dick. Clark was going to jump he went out of. his [ __ ] mind his hair got messy I'll. put it to you that way God so now now I. come off the stage Eddie right Jamie. Jamie listen Jamie young Jamie young. Jamie so now they're taking me into the.

Press tense not one question was asked. and and it was all the press in the. world Sandy go calls me at home he goes. I was praying that what I was watching. on TV was only coming through my. television then I get a. call you know from a club owner remember. askas SCH in West orang the owner Mark.

Magnums great greatest guy so kenis was. there who I always say he was having a. rivalry with me I was happy for him when. his career took off I was thrilled for. him he had no problem with me because I. was on the show Crime Story at the time. but and he was doing I don't know four. 5,000 seats a night he was the guy. before I took off when my career took. off it went straight to arenas I was. doing 80 to 100,000 people a week and he.

just couldn't handle it for whatever. reason but he goes so kennison's. watching this going that's it he's done. he's finished in the meantime the. reality was I went from doing one arena. show let's let's let's say at the. Spectrum in Philly to two Arena shows or. three Arena shows where Bill bur saw me. at um in Boston at whatever Arena I did. there I had one show it went to three.

shows it just got bigger and bigger and. bigger nothing was hurting and so the. next day there's this big meeting at MTV. and Rick Rubin was there you know and. you know my my people that I worked with. uh Sandy G all these but it was the. presidents that banning me for life you. know which is hilarious I'm not even a. singer you know and uh yeah I'm like so. banned what do I give a [ __ ] look at the. num you know and um but dick clar this.

is why dick clar became dick clar cuz. the guy that was trying to tackle and. beat me to a pulp for what I was doing. is standing there his hair is now fixed. the next. day and he says to a room full of. Executives when they're banning me for. life he goes are you sure you want to do. that cuz Rick Rubin told me and he goes. this guy is the biggest thing in the. world right now and you're Banning him.

for life it was just one of the crazy. moments of the backlash of my career and. like I said this is. 1990 yeah you know this is years before. the arena comedy today which you do and. Bill does it and so many I didn't know I. I didn't even know I was setting that. off I mean it was a goal of mine because. honestly if I was just being honest. I never gave a [ __ ] about standup it's.

not why I do it you know I came into. standup because I just. figured instead of going to an acting. school once a week you know why not get. on a stage and develop your own um. method of acting you know and I could be. on a stage every single night and I'd be. at The Comedy Store. and I'd see all these Comics there and.

they would stand see that was great. about. you you didn't stand there like a stick. figure you were all over the stage you. were performing but when I came to The. Comedy Store even Leno great Comics. Seinfeld all great Comics but they'. stand there like like like they're an. assembly class and after five six. minutes I get bored and walk out of the.

room and when I would go back to. Brooklyn my mother who was the one who. had the look and the personality it's. where I get that you know that balls. bigger than you know Brass Ball thing. and I would tell her about the comics. and I go about the only one that would. move is Richard Lewis you know CU his. whole Act was about it's all a nightmare. and he would pace and he would just make. me laugh my ass off and I would tell her. about all these comics but I come from.

music I come from drumming singing. dancing and my mother would say to me. well what are you going to do you know I. go you know what M I'll just become the. eldest of Comedy I go that's who I loved. you know that that's my confidence that. was my true belief my true statement I. said these guys they're all okay but I. go ma if you you know that Comics would. always just be opening acts for singers. you know and I didn't put much into that. you know I didn't care about that so if.

I'm going to do this if I'm going to. work on this at the same time I'm. working on acting chops just become the. biggest the world has ever seen you know. that's how I looked at it it was that. simple of a thought to me you know and. that that's how it all began do you. think that you made that happen with. your mind like do you ever wonder about. that like if you think about all the. success you've had and even like the. downsides do you ever wonder like how. much of it you actually create with your.

mind I believe that and you have to use. a realistic thought with anything you. want to do in life you can't walk around. saying I'm going to become a. neurosurgeon right you know do you know. but just by a chance do you know Dr uh. Rock patano no I don't he's my toe and. heel guy oh in New York he said he gave. you the book street smart he might have. he's yeah yeah he's great foot I've been.

to foot doctors for eight years now he's. fixing my feet that might have been. forgot yeah but so he said he he gave. you this book okay but any yeah oh I'm. at doctors all the time we'll get into. that what's wrong with your foot but um. I don't know I didn't feel my toes for. about eight years oh and yeah nerve. blockage no that see he really did uh. the the number like checking out my feet. from every angle every and he goes you. don't have see this is what I do like.

about you you have a thirst for. knowledge and you're guest you have. everything from Maniacs like me to. scientists to doctors I love that about. you you thirst for knowledge but just. the fact you know about nerve damage in. the feet is impressive to me so but it. wasn't the nerve damage and he explained. what it was under my toes and now he. goes your toes have been inflamed for a. is he goes that's the problem he goes.

this other idiot you went to that's. telling you to stretch your toes did it. work so uh patano and I love that he's. from Brooklyn he's from bensen Hurst. everybody in the office is from Brooklyn. and they're in New York so that's why. there was even a conversation cuz I was. there twice last week and I said yeah. I'm going to do uh Joe rugan and he goes. I gave him my book Street Smart cuz he. also wrote a book on Joe de magio he. lived with him for 10 years oh wow he. does Sports you know that's what he's.

known for. so so this guy is really helping me and. like you know it's funny I'm in bed with. my my my sugar plum that you met outside. and you know I should be thinking about. having action and I'm going look I could. wiggle my toes look at that you know but. she gets it because she's gone through a. lot with me since we've been together. and that's just one of the problems s. but but yeah I love you know your thirst.

for knowledge and I'm not looking to get. away from the day to left the I'm going. to I'll do something special with that. but when I remember I. said about a little beef with you you. had a beef with me yeah what what did I. do. wrong Vincent Jamie it's j Jamie Vincent. fits you though if you think about it. I'm from Brooklyn Jamie what's up all.

right. so before I'm getting dress today and I. can't even figure out do I give him. daytime dice do I give him nighttime. dice do I do a Brooklyn sweatshirt all. the clothes I brought for this I like. what you did it's a good it works it's. the right perfect it's perfect you. nailed it she's going do you want to. wear the ADC she's very involved I. understand you spoke to her you see how. she is she's lovely woman she's got a. I'm crazy about her more than.

congratulations it's the love of my life. I'll say that on the air I'm not even. kidding and um I mean it's it's actually. the first girl I got her during the. pandemic I got her you know at the. airport and um I I'll get into that. later but the point is it's the only. girl since I'm 17 that I've ever lived. with we haven't had an argument in. nearly four years and that has not been. my life is you know yeah.

so what the point I was making I brought. you up and I said you know I'm gonna I'm. GNA have to to do this podcast right I. got to tell Joe my feelings about the. thing we were talking about last night. and I don't want him mad because I've. always said the one person I've told. this to so many Comics I go the one. person you never want to [ __ ] with and. get angry is Rogan that includes me you.

know I go you could [ __ ] with any comic. they're all insecure they they get. scared if they see a fly I go don't [ __ ]. with Rogan cuz you're another guy that. does the [ __ ] and she goes well are. you going to tell him this I go you know. what I owe it to myself because if I. don't tell him this then I'm not the man. I say I am you know.

the. lion isn't the king it's the tiger yes. Tigers [ __ ] up Lions do you understand. what you've done to me yeah they're. bigger no but you you don't get it my. whole life I've based off the lion being. the king of the jungle I have a gold. lion with diamonds in it I have a mat at. do you know why they're the king of the. jungle I saw it all expl well I'll tell. you why cuz the tiger doesn't live there.

no but the point is I see this whole. thing with the tiger kicking the [ __ ]. Mike I have I have a production company. named Brave lion lions are amazing it's. been my no but he's not the king anymore. he's a Jericho animal with a good hair. dude that's all the Lion is to me now. they have a much better relationship. though with the other Lions the lion is. the king you know why the king doesn't. necessarily have to be the baddest. [ __ ] the king just has to be a. real like an alpha dominant male of the.

pride but the the cat with cats like. tigers are more solitary they have a. totally different kind of relationship. but I would have named a brave tiger. yeah buttig you don't want to be a tiger. you want to be a lion lions are more. admirable well my thing was with the. lion when the lion gets backed against. the wall his claws grow and that's why. he could beat the [ __ ] out of everybody. like when he feels cornered like he. could take down a bear because. the claw right no no WR about well.

they're just really good Predators they. might not be able to take down a bear. bear bears are pretty [ __ ] huge and. ferocious and very invulnerable their. body is very thick but I saw that and. I'm like are you kidding me here yeah. Tigers would destroy Lions because your. case is very strong the thing is though. Lions have a terrible existence in the. end cuz the male lions they gang up on. him and kill him yeah and I heard it's. the chick that kicks everybody's ass. it's the well the chicks do all the. hunting. female lines all the hunting so.

basically the guy sits around he reads. the newspaper like he's worthless all. you all the male does is protect his. children from other males and protect. the females from being bred by other. males because that's the whole game the. whole game is who controls the breeding. and then the moment they ostracize the. male they take the alpha and they force. him out either they kill him or they. Gravely injure him they kill all the. babies all of his babies all his boys. all right so it's a rough neighborhood. so I don't. I don't have to change the name on no no.

no lions are. amazing they're more complicated so. you're saying lion still is the king. yeah Lions of the king what tigers are. is just this Ultra beautiful killing. machine that's what they are they're a. different thing they don't have like the. same nobility the when a lion's sitting. there over his pride and the females are. all out hunting that's that's a wild. that's an amazing creature yeah that's. how I looked at it and then I see the. thing with the tiger W and you know for. two days now she's going are you really. going to talk about this you know and.

you're going to bring up the points the. the the uh yeah there's a there's a. balance to all of it the pyramid thing. pyramids yeah okay yeah she goes you. really going to bring that up and she. goes you know how you are you know. you're not that academic and I go I go. yeah I go I got to admit like and you. even probably know this you're never. going to find two dice. fans that are arguing over what college.

you think dice went to you're never. gonna find those fans one of them might. say something like well I heard he lived. near a college you yeah you know what I. mean so but you know with the pyramid. thing why. not just on that what about the pyramid. why nor why nor what's up no North like. you know how you uh they Point North. South East and West North no but there's. a reason like the North or something. well the pyramid is the way it's set on.

the earth it it is it's it points. directly north south east and west. apparently like the like find out what. the the way the pyramid is aligned with. the Earth there's also the height of the. pyramid yeah there's like a lot of. mathematics but this is all like randus. the world yeah the eucalyptus yeah you. know with the with the wit and. everything it's also the three pyramids. aligned with these certain stars in the.

sky and the Orion belt it's there's a. lot of complicated stuff with the. pyramids yeah because you really delve. into this stuff now delve is not an easy. word I'll just tell you that Vincent you. know delve is not an easy work it's hard. to use and not sound pretentious Del you. know I fig no okay the Gaz of pyramid. oriented to the face of the four. cardinal directions true north south. east and west their entrances are all on. the North side and the Temple of the. pyramids are on the east side so somehow.

or another they aligned it to True North. Southeast and West 2,300,000 Stones the. Great Pyramid of Giza they don't know. how they moved them there they don't. know how they put them there yeah that's. what I'm saying so we really don't even. know I've been obsessed with that since. I was a boy and are you. thinking alien um I think more likely. there was a very Advanced civilization. and they got wiped out by some natural. disaster I think we're where we are. right now I think another civilization.

before us was maybe more evolved than us. or more advanced than us just in a. different way and their way was these. immense stone structures with like a lot. of nothing around they had to bring them. from somewhere well they brought them. from they know the quaries where they. brought them from and some of them were. 500 miles away but how perfectly in. insane perfect just not not just insane. how smooth and cut they were but. supposedly those people didn't even have. steel supposedly they were working with. copper tools and also the the the.

methods they used there was some sort of. diamond saws because there's there's. Cuts in some of them that indicate a. very high RPM drill that they used. there's all these uh corings where it it. seems like like the Stone's been CED by. these super sophisticated Machinery that. we don't understand today we don't know. what they used we don't know where they. got it we don't know where it is now we. don't know what happened I think Randall.

Carlson's explanation and Graham. Hancock's explanations are the best and. those what they talk about is that there. was a verified 100% impact on Earth. somewhere 11,800 years ago and not just. here not just like in North America but. all over Europe they find Nano diamonds. and they find uh evidence of iridium. which is very common in space and very. rare on Earth so they think that. civilization got wiped out so that's.

what I think the pyramids are I think. the pyramids are the best evidence of. that insanely Advanced civilization that. existed 20,000 years ago maybe even more. I think our our timeline is [ __ ] up. and Graham Hancock says it best he said. that were a civilization with. amnesia that's what I think but maybe. aliens too yeah this is why I stick to. Comedy you know it really is but that's. what I love about you that you know I I. actually feel like it's your thirst for.

Learning and everything that has brought. you to this level where you are today. well it's definitely helped me a lot. because the all the people that I wanted. to talk to it's because I wanted to talk. to them it wasn't because like a. publicist set it up and you know like. look like beneficial or something like. that like all these like weird. scientists and archaeologists and. interesting people yeah that's what's. amazing about the show on any given day. it could be a scientist a doctor a. comedian you know that's why you're.

you're sitting where you are right now. and I just you know I'm just giving you. uh what's that word I'm just giving you. Kudos thank you sir appreciate it like I. was really like I was saying just really. proud when I when I heard you made the. deal and you know the whole thing. because I I know what that feels like. when you go from a level you thought. that was it to this whole other Str. statosphere I knew what you were. entering and that's why I was texting.

you at the beginning and even writing. things to you like don't just give away. your money because I know how it gets. when you hit that level I used to give. away just so I mean bums would get. 5,000 I I always at that time just. carried I'm not even and if you missing. a limb it was 10 grand I'm not even. kidding and uh I remember being out. inside The Comedy Store and there's a. lady you might have even seen her back.

then she'd have two kids and and the you. know the shopping cart from Ralph's. whatever and I'm just feeling bad going. this woman doesn't even have a place to. live and I just take out five grand cash. I go here go get yourself a place to. live you know don't you think she was. back the next night for another five. grand was she yeah I I couldn't believe. but there was a um there was one guy I. really felt bad for guy guy and it was.

Chicago and this isn't to say how good I. am cuz people go what charities are you. involved I give money when I see people. that need money you know I'm not saying. I never gave to a charity but I'm saying. I don't need the [ __ ] of going oh. what a good person he's involved in this. it's just not who I am there there's a. bit of a scam to that yeah I I give. personally so I saw a guy in the rain. hopping around on one leg and crutches I. gave this guy 10 grand I put it right in. his pocket and I walked away you know.

another guy chased me down the block in. a wheelchair that I put five grand in. his cup like he realized like what I put. in his cup and he came I go just take it. brother it's good you know just let it. be good for you you know that's the way. I like to do things but I would get hit. up by every comic I'd get calls for. cause oh my wife's a little sick can you. see I just need three grand you know. they'd asked for thousands like it was. nothing so when you took off I was like.

just tell this guy take care of your. family that's it you know I'm not saying. never take care of a buddy if he's you. know in di Straits but I'm just saying. everybody comes out of the woodwork and. the level you went to and the Press you. got about it um you know I would tell my. girlfriend and my sons I go this guy's. going to be hit from all angles I want. to see what this does to him and you've. kept it together in incredible thank you. you know. and another thing I'm looking forward to.

is I'll talk about The Comedy Store but. the the. mothership I hear it's just I can't wait. to show to you I I can't wait to be. there because it's you know I I know how. much you love mity and the store and you. were didn't you like stop building it. and just redo it because you didn't like. how it was going well not really I. started at a different place I bought a. different place and there was a problem. with the building so I had to get. another building but I just hear from.

everybody like that it is just number. one like it's just the greatest Club you. could play and that's why I'm excited. can can I even say I'm just doing the. show like you know I want people to know. I'm not even I don't want any money for. it I just want it you have been you know. you've just been great about me like I. see all the episodes like with Tarantino. with any comic that. I could even see the comics get. aggravated because they want to talk.

about their own career and I'm not going. to say names but I I see them you know. and you're going no but when dice did it. it was a [ __ ] explosion he goes yeah. and you'll say it you go a lot of the. comics today they do Arenas but if D. didn't did it do it we wouldn't be doing. it and it was an explosion and that's. why I even gave him that you know clip. of the garden which was filmed for a. movie movie and um but yeah coming up.

you know at at the store with I'm going. to well what was great for us was that. you still came around that for us for. guys but for guys like me who were just. coming up who could barely headline on. the road to be hanging out with you that. you would come and hang out with us it. was amazing it was like dice is like a. normal guy but this is yeah and I can be. you know but this is how smart you are. so I'm filming this is even before. reality became reality and I never got.

it out there so there's all these new. Comics at the store Ari you know Bobby. Lee uh uh uh ma Jabron Steve reny all. these new Comics that would you know. like I'm holding Court you know CU they. can't they can't believe them over there. so I've been filming myself since I made. it all right so I'm filming at the store. every night calling it the show like I'd. be kicking waitresses out of the kitchen.

I changed the lighting in the kitchen I. put like red and blue bulbs so the. lighting wasn't harsh you know and a. waitress could be in there getting an. order you know and I go uh you're in my. shot you you got to leave the kitchen. and it's amazing how I just filmed and. filmed and filmed and one night you're. looking and you got this puzzled look. and I'm like in it you know and you come. over to me and go d i can I just ask you. something. um what what's with the camera I see you.

every night filming like I'm in it like. like I'm being ter my own tarantina. right and I go no I film everything I've. always filmed everything and I don't. know it couldn't have been more than a. few weeks you had a guy with you see. that's why you've made it in the. business because you took it and go yeah. why shouldn't I film what I'm doing in. my life we definitely decided to film. some you but you were doing like. sketches yeah but that no I called it. the show it was an actual reality show.

and I used to love like even Paulie. would come in and go dude what are you. filming I go the show he goes what show. dude I go it's my show it's a reality. show with all the guys you hysterical I. put Clips up on my on my phone all the. time what like what possesses you to do. these videos where you just like walk up. to people okay are we going to show them. now the ones I S let's show some of. these vide don't show it yet don't show.

it yet there's a reason okay okay it's. the same thing that possessed you to do. those videos back then no obviously this. is different okay obviously you loved. the day the laughter di yes okay now I. can't let you keep this but I could let. you wear it for a little cuz you are. wearing that this is the Hat I wore and. there's even pictures I sent traps last. night uh I can wear it is that what he's. saying yeah I want I I want you to wear.

a little because this is the Hat I wore. and he's got pictures of me on stage of. danger Fields recording yeah there we. are okay that's a nice hat you. know come. on what think bro this hat smells. terrible what are you talking about like. cabbage no but I know you like it so I. want you to wear it. wait a.

minute that's one of the hats okay cuz. there were two hats I did three nights. take a sniff of that hat for real really. yeah yeah yeah all right you don't have. to wear it you for if you want to take a. picture in it you'll take a picture okay. you cabbage you know it's awful so. anyway I do you know at the the height. of doing Arenas because honestly you. know I almost laugh at it today cuz when. I would go on sale put 20 shows on sale. let's say it's we go on sale Friday.

morning. 10:00 Monday tickets are gone okay half. a million tickets gone and then I go do. the tours but what I like like you said. how I like to hang at the store even. after I did the LA Forum okay now at the. Forum you. had you know number one uh at the end of. my shows this is the stuff people never. really realize unless they've come to a. dice concert the last 20 minutes to a.

half hour is all music you know and I'm. not I would do I would do from Luther. vandros Love Won't Let Me Wait and you. would think that's what I came there to. see because I didn't send the clip of. that but the audience would explode when. I would get to the bridge of the song. and but I would do the Elvis stuff you. know but I'd really do it I think I sent. them Elvis um. there's a we don't get to hear it yeah. but you.

have that's you of course that's. amazing that's a pretty [ __ ] good. elha suppression me. me no but the thing is that's a pretty. [ __ ] solid impression no but that's. what I'm saying see nobody when I would. be. when they would write me up back then. you know every journalist was after my.

ass they would never write about this. stuff when I would do I would do the. full-on Grease Lightning I had an. eight-piece band but when I did and I. would also close with a giant drum solo. to the Santana Song Soul. Sacrifice and when I did The Forum. besides my band which were all Brooklyn. guys who's on stage with me doing Elvis. and the Soul Sacrifice Duff McKagan from. Guns and Roses and slash they came to.

rehearse we did it people went berserk. they're in my dressing room with sliced. alone with share I think we got p is. that a drum one it's. Dr lightning. [Applause]. [Music].

[Laughter]. you got to see the. [Music]. dance did you like doing this more than. the standup 100% really you can kind of. tell because I get to. entertain yeah watch it look at you go. [Applause].

[Music]. [Laughter]. [Music]. so you were upset that they never. brought this stuff up they would never. write it up you know they just made like. it was an hour of just foul language and. that was it and my father used to get.

crazy from it because he's the one he. was behind me from day one you know. and he had at that my father went from. having a toy store to being a big. Builder like in in Staten Island he was. the first Builder to go into Staten. Island and build like the newer homes. and we lived there from the I was 7 till. I was 12 and we basically got chased out. of well he got chased out of there you. know he knew he had to leave because he.

wasn't a gangster so and the gangsters. were taking over Staten Island they. would just they would build houses. across the freeway they there was no. zoning laws so we went to Florida for. like 6 months and then back to Brooklyn. you know from 13 to 21 and then I was. out in La doing the Travolta act that's. how it started me doing Travolta which I. gave you pictures even me holding up how. closely we look the same you know it was. a whole travol direct and even the way.

that started you know. was um you know I saw TR I was always. able to. do this that's pretty close wait show. the other one where I'm greased up is. there another. onea oh yeah that's my I'm doing my. first interview so I'm working for my. father on street now he has a process. serving agency and that's how I would.

walk around cuz once I got into it I. became it so I'm picking up summonses. from attorneys walking in as that guy. and I'm doing travol I'm going yeah you. have some summonses for Royal process. serving you know you know I'm doing. Vinnie B listen to this you're GNA die I. swear you're going to crack up right and. this was when that was on the air this. is no yes yes and this is half the fever. hit the the way I got can I take these. off so the way I got into it so since I.

was in high school when Travolta hit. with. Barberino I realized I could do like the. perfect. Barberino but what am I going to do with. it other than entertaining high school. kids now he comes out with fever and he. dances great but the night I. saw Greece was the night my life changed. and there was no videos back then you. understand so I'm coming home and I'm.

like if I could turn from an impression. I'm doing since I'm a kid seven years. old Jerry Lewis The Nutty Professor who. would turn into buddy love but if I. could turn into Travolta from from. Professor. kelp it would just kill as an Act only i. w I never do anything fake so I had to. be able to sing as Travolta doing grease. light as you saw live so I go to a. studio in Brooklyn where because I knew.

that's what I would do I would drum sing. but so I knew about you know where bands. would go to to record albums so I went. to a studio on Kings Highway in Brooklyn. called fly Studios and I bring the fever. album and I bring grease and I asked. these. guys can you get the lead vocal out of. grease lightning cuz I'm not going to do. it fake if I can't sound like him I'm. not doing the ACT they got it out I.

rehearsed for three weeks doing this act. that these two guys and I know it sounds. like one of my old jokes what are your. names Neil and Bob is that like what you. do you know that was a heck one but the. guys that own the Studio's names were. Neil and Bob okay so these guys are. watching me you know I'm in the part. where you could record and they're. working you know the whole you know the. the board and I come out of the bathroom.

looking like Jerry Lewis The Nutty. Professor and like talking to the. mirror actually uh actually I'm a Pity. ladies and gentlemen and uh I have my. magic formula and I take the formula and. I'd say okay hit the music there was an. intro and I'd be in the dark rip off the. Jerry Lewis stuff and now I'm Travolta. from Greece. and I did that act at Pips in Brooklyn.

which I think you got a picture of the. owner with Rodney Dangerfield outside. the club um so I I go to Pips on. audition night and I come up as Jerry. Lewis I got my whole family there my. mother my father my sister and CU I'm. tell don't forget come to Pips but what. what was amazing when I put the act. together I had a sit in the theater all. day and watch Greece with a pad like.

this and write down names for the moves. Travolta was doing or else I'd forget. when I would rehearse the act that you. were seeing that the guy in the middle. his name is George Schultz you know and. Pips was the first real comedy club in. America really and it spawned Rodney. what year was that uh I don't know what. year they open I think he opened in the. 60s and he George himself should have. been a comic he just wasn't okay but he.

gave Rodney the line I don't get no. respect at least yeah and he helped. different gu David Brena every time he. was going to do 62 holy [ __ ] yeah and 62. it was a sushi place so Mambo Sushi look. at. that and he turned it into Pips David. Brena anytime Brena was going to do the. Carson show George would help him with. his set so when the business wasn't.

doing well Brena would give them all. kinds of money to survive and the two. sons ran the club so I show up there my. parents are there now picture your. parents now you your own parents. watching Joe Go on stage doing an. impression he was doing it. five going really this is why we're here. and I'm on stage I'm still 20 years old. doing the Jerry Lewis actually ladies.

and it's a Brooklyn. crowd just booing the [ __ ] get the [ __ ]. off you [ __ ] suck and I'm just. committed I go I have put together a. formula like it. okay I take the. formula um Seth Schultz know shut the. lights. I turned my back to the crowd they're. they're screaming you got a 100 people.

99 people screaming to get out of the. off the stage I'm slicking my head back. I'm staying calm music starts it's from. fever ladies and to uh Disco Inferno. ladies and gentlemen somebody new. somebody exciting and at that ladies and. gentlemen Andrew Clay and I turn around. with that that when you saw me in the. leather jacket that look and I just po. and I start like a fake walk like. Travolta and.

fever and they're starting to scream now. it's. turning I wait because I always wait. even to this day when I'm on stage I. just wait and. um so I wait till it quiets down I come. up to the mic and I'm. like so you thought it couldn't be done. right the place went nuts now now I talk. about the car here comes grease.

lightning when I did Grease Lightning. you're talking about Brooklyn animals. and I know you know about that stuff cuz. you're from Boston you know what kind of. East Coast people they were throwing. tables over they're going [ __ ]. berserk I don't even know what just. happened and as I'm leaving with my. family here come the two sons going wait. a minute where you going you know who. are you like what is that you know they. go we we you got a manager you know and. I just look at my father I go yeah he's.

right here and E my family is stunned. from what they just witnessed and they. go um we want to book your son to. headline this coming weekend you know. what and I go first time on stage first. time on stage. and and I said what you saw tonight. that's that's the whole act they go just. do what you did tonight just do that and. they go it's not a lot of money it's $50.

I go you think I care about we we don't. care about the money like I couldn't. believe what I was hearing and then we. went to a diner in in sheepit Bay and. nobody could even talk for like 10. minutes and then my mother's like. Andrew when did you think of this you. know it was so great and then everybody. starts talking about what just happened. I was Shell Shocked cuz I'm not thinking. NE going to go nuts I I thought it was a. clever idea you know and it built from.

there and within six months I'm doing my. own shows where my father's selling. tickets at dangerfields what year was. this uh this is 1978 the first time on. stage was September. 1378 so you really hit about like 8. years later 10 years February 13th 88. Rodney special ah oh when did your. cassette come out then no well Rick. Rubin met me the first when was like the.

first one no you're talking about the. Black Album guys yes that came out right. about the same time the Rodney special a. okay okay see I was at the Laugh Factory. when it was just an ADC room before he. opened up okay I must have been 21 then. I thought I was 19 I got a screwed up. memory okay and that makes sense. actually now about the girl between sets. I went over to Green blats to get a cup.

of coffee and I'm with this screenplay. writer uh his name is Mark I forgot his. last name actually sorry sorry. Mark anyway we're getting coffee and. here comes this guy you know Rick Rubin. with the beard the whole Lu and he's. with this little like heavy set. guy oh man here comes some [ __ ] you. know and um he goes yeah can I can I you. know he's soft spoken can I speak with. you a minute and I I do have a Brooklyn.

attitude I'll admit it you know and I go. yeah what yeah what can I do for you pal. I got to do another show you know and. then the guy mock that's with me goes. aren't you Rick Ruben and I'm looking at. him I'm going who's Rick he goes he. basically created rap and Rick goes yeah. I uh I want to do an album with you and. I don't want to bother you I'm going to. go next door and watch the second show. you know cuz I had to do another show. and that's how me and Rick met and we. wound up doing Five albums together you.

know and we were a great team together I. mean you know he's Rick rubben and I. mean sometimes we would disagree but T. you can't get Rick mad he's an. interesting cat well very different. human being right oh it's it's you. know I say to Rick one time you know you. know when when dice rules that where I. do grease lightning that was dice rules.

the album okay besides the movie and um. I go did they like I was at West. Westwood One radio something like that. and on the way back you know I say to. Rick I go did they put up all the. posters like you said they were going to. do you know and he goes I. suppose and I'm looking at I go you're. the boss. don't you know well I told him to put it.

up yeah like you can't get even if he. didn't like something on an album and. you know I could get heated you know I'm. I'm that kind of personality I'm like I. don't give a [ __ ] it's not your [ __ ]. album well then I suppose you'll do what. you. like I'm like don't you ever get mad. didn't you ever have a fight and he goes. actually I never had a fight M I go you. never got a punch in the face I go he.

goes no I go well you're about to if you. don't just get mad at me at least like. yell at me but great guy and we had. great experience so when it came to the. day the laughter died so me and Rick put. out hit albums and this is right like I. think after dice rules these are. high-powered comedy albums to sell. millions of. copies so this you like mit's involved. in this is great so.

um me and Rick are talking and I go you. know you know how much I love going on. late at night and just you know no. reaction cuz that's how my career got. made I was always like one of the last. few acts at night at The Comedy Store. you know course of the kind of stuff I. did so there's you know people sitting. quiet you got a drunk in the front with. his head on the table and you got four. people that are just too tired to leave. you had those sets oh yeah you know and. I go I want to do like the ultimate late.

night set you know and he sort of had. the same thought process like we just go. unsuspecting crowd you know and this is. like you would say at the height of. doing the Arenas what you know craziness. surrounded me at that time it was like. the Lady Gaga of standup comedy you know. and now I just want to go up in front of. a few people with no notes with no idea.

of what the album's going to be and we. we do three nights at. dangerfields and it winds up the double. CD the day the laugh died. okay and I'm just loving it you know the. silence the smoke you could hear me. smoke you know people walking out you. know we and we didn't cut any of it you. know like I said keep it in there you. know it's great you know I really got.

angry you know at this family that came. in see this will lead to it could set me. up for Saturday Night Live to tell you. stuff but so that this family comes in. these real [ __ ] out of town is. from I don't. know Midwest Bible Belt you know. whatever they were but they all wearing. the same coat and the same hat with the. with the ball on top two daughters.

mother father they're sitting in the. front and the more I got into them the. more the father laughed and I got angry. at that cuz I'm going this guy I would. imagine in my mind that this guy really. looks to [ __ ] around with his daughters. they were old enough you know they were. like I don't remember the ages but I. don't know young 20s late te and I'm. going why is this. [ __ ] laughing when I'm doing.

this instead of going like cut it out. cuz I know if I was sitting there with. my two daughters and some comic some. [ __ ] on stage is going so you like to. have her on your lap or whatever I said. on the album you know i' look at the guy. go walk away from me and my family or. there's a problem you know that's how I. would get this guy's laughing and I'm. angry about it you know you know so the. more he would laugh the more I would go. after this [ __ ] but there's also.

no laughs that's the part I did enjoy. the actual Silence of the room or. somebody walking out and yelling what's. that there's a famous one line on that. with you're about as funny as a glass of. milk you know the album better than me. which is ridiculous why would you not. that's it I love that album let me tell. you how I found out about that album. there's a great comic in Boston Nam Mike. dunan Mike dunan got the album I know. that name he very funny comic very good.

guy and he was a great guy when I was an. open micer would give you real good. advice he was the first guy to tell me. to take a tape recorder on stage he goes. sometimes you say things you forgot what. you said like sometimes you said it in a. different way and it's much better you. got to listen to your recordings Mike. Donovan got a hold of your CD and he was. in the back room of the [ __ ] comedy. connection howling laughing at you doing. Nick I'll do Nick it in that. ass and that to him was like one of the.

funniest [ __ ] things this guy was he. was laughing so hard he was like he's a. [ __ ] psycho he's out there bombing he. doesn't give a [ __ ] there's no laughs. and it's hilarious it's so ridiculous. this guy loved it and and I went out and. got it and I remember you know at the. time I was really young in comedy and. for like for me the idea of wanting this. out there didn't even make any sense. like why would he do this you don't know. how much that means to me see that's.

what I look like to hear know it it was. amazing to me because people try to. pigeon hole you as this onedimensional. thing and that is that you're you're. missing the beauty of what he does I. always tell people this I go from the. first of all he's the first guy ever in. standup that people knew the the jokes. and wanted to say the punchline along.

with him it was crazy it became a. different thing I go you have to. understand he cracked a code this rhyme. thing what you did was it was comedy. plus like it was another level of. enjoyment and to this day if I don't. close my shows with the poems the. audience complains they you have to but. there's it was a different thing and PE. and then the fact that in the height of. your stardom you chose to do the day the. laughter diet I'm like do you not.

understand what he's doing this is. beautiful performance art also to me. it's a like you say perform it's an. acting piece it was always about the. acting I got to see you do [ __ ] who. knows how many sets late at night. unannounced you would just show up and. start insulting people in the audience. you could choose a person you tell them. not to laugh you would call it I. remember what you you would call it dice.

mean yeah dice oh no dice mean but let. me tell you what the backlash of the day. to laughter died so the first one all. right so Sandy Gallen was the manager. yes David geffin put out the albums Rick. produced them and uh Barry Dilla ran Fox. Studios that's where I had my movie deal. yeah so I get called into David gein's. office and he goes you know and and I'm. with Rick and he's like okay can you. explain this to me you know and I go.

what what needs to be said he goes. there's no people there's you know. there's there's nothing it's it's. terrible you know you know and I go yeah. and Rick is laughing cuz Rick does have. a great sense of humor you know Rick. loved it oh he he loves chaos he loves. it so I go no but do you understand it's. it's never. and I'm the first I go that's what I. like being like that's why I do brag.

about being the first Arena comic you. know like you know when I think back to. my Idols like Elvis Presley you know now. everybody's into Elvis all these years. later you know and Elvis fans from way. back are always Elvis fans but when I. saw the 68 Comeback Special at 12 once. again I'm there with my mother going I. can be that now I wasn't thinking singer. or comic just the whole image you know.

and as I grew up she bought me a leather. the next day a fake leather that was. five times too big at JC Penney for. $20 you know cuz I begged her for it but. she would she would encourage you know. so now I'm on the couch doing Elvis not. even knowing how to play the guitar I. had you know so his image was so bigger. than life and I took it in a lot. different than other people. because in comedy why would I because of. the drums and the singing I go just.

become the Elvis of comedy comedy is. self-deprecating which in in today at 65. years old I am self-deprecating on stage. and I got a lot to be self-deprecating. about but when I was 25 30 years old. there was no. self-deprecation you know that was the. difference between Dice and the other. comics and Mitzy herself told me when I. stopped doing the Travolta act and.

started doing dice she said it's never. going to work and I go yeah what is that. and she goes number one it's too tough. and it's not self-deprecating I go just. leave me at the Westwood comedy store. let me worry about it and Mitchie loved. me from the first day she met me when I. came down what I call the runway walk. from Westwood she called I wanted I. auditioned at the store did a 28 minute. audition and this uh MC starts screaming.

at me when I come off the stage I didn't. know he's who he was and he goes you're. never going to play this [ __ ] club. again this I go are you the owner cuz. I'm 21 so I'm a bad I'm a 21y old. brooklynite who doesn't give a [ __ ] if. you're in my way I'm going to get you. out of my way so I said are you the. owner of the club and he goes no I go. well I didn't come 3,000 miles to do 3. minutes so get out of my way I get a. call from The Comedy Store I was staying.

with a friend you're playing Westwood. tonight you got to come sign papers at. the comedy store so I go to Westwood. there was a lady that from Brooklyn. Adell after my set she goes Mitzy wants. to meet you so this is I got signed as a. regular first night okay course I did. that whole travol act and by then. Stallone I'm doing Sly is Rocky in it. and um so I come to the store and she. and with August and Oli Joe and Allan. Stevens who I'm great friends with today.

and you know just a Bith mayard I don't. even think you met some of these guys by. the time you know I've met Allen okay. well Allen's around Allen's great you. know he was always around back then I. love Allen and uh he's one of my best. friends actually and he worked on. Roseanne's show too right yeah he. produced Rosanne he produced Aris you. know he's got a heavy history you he was. out with uh in and the Outlaws he did. all that you know great comic you know.

on top of great producer and writer so. so mit's with all these guys you know I. didn't know I'm in comedy for I don't. know eight months I started September. 13th SE 78 I'm in La February of 79 why. because this one comic who you knew. Mitchell Walters came back to Brooklyn. that's where he was from. and he happened to come in on a weekend. I was. headlining and he's asking who the [ __ ].

is this guy doing the Travolta and the. owners told him so he talks to my father. he keeps calling my father in the office. who I was working for you know cuz there. was no job I could have I was at clubs. every night from the first night I got. on stage that was it I'm performing. every night everywhere and I I just. dedicated my life to it and that's what. it takes as you know you know I love. when pitpull says how did I get lucky.

hard work got me lucky that's all it's. about hard work and belief and and. knowing what you have inside to give do. you think it was like weird friction. because like there's some guys that. think that comedy has to come from the. same group of people like it has to come. from neotic. self-deprecating like it has to come. from these sort of nerds who like. bullied by society and they're funny on. stage and they could tell you what the.

[ __ ] going on when a guy who comes. along like you who's very confident. you're a big guy you didn't come from a. theater background and you have this new. approach to it and even Mitzy missed it. like sometimes people well at that point. she missed it yeah but like there's. people that do things and you're like. man I don't know because when but you. got to give them like TR to explain. Haren Williams to. someone try to explain Haren it's.

impossible he's [ __ ]. hilarious but it's so strange like his. style is so strange but coming out of. him with his personality the way he says. things hilarious it's hilarious it's. really funny if you get the chance to. see Haron harl Williams is the [ __ ]. man I mean I mean but the people out. there listening go go see that guy he's. he's amazing but you you had he had to. become that guy figure that out yeah see. and I you know some people go through. their whole life.

never knowing who they are they're not. comfortable in the like Elanor would say. not comfortable in their own skin right. you know I always knew who I was now you. know when people say to me you know. who's dice who's Andrew who's that I'm. all of it you know but you know I'm not. walking around in the street go yeah you. know when you see those videos I'm go. yeah how you doing that's a put on. that's a joke if I'm really going to say.

hello to a girl which I haven't in four. years obviously you know I'm going to go. yeah how you doing right not how you. doing cuz any girl in the right mind is. going to go get the [ __ ] away from me. call my four brothers get Fu they don't. it's a real problem you know so so and. and I do want to get into the videos but. just let me finish the data laugh di. thing so when David geffin says to me. what I always prided myself on because I. became even though I wanted the acting.

career I had two careers going now I was. building as a comic actually Dallas was. the first place I headlined as a comic. uh in the in the mid 80s at a place. called the uh uh I forgot the name of. the place don't even [ __ ] matter it. was a club you do two two weeks at a. clip and I I just started headlining you. know by the time I was I don't know 24. 25. and the thing was yeah mity didn't. understand it at that point cuz she knew.

comics with think of all time think of. think of uh what the [ __ ] his face. homely is a plate full of [ __ ] what. was his name uh uh no you uh not not Don. Rickles who also wasn't a gorgeous guy. but my favorite of all time um he came. from that time he like G uh um hack it. buddy hack think of Buddy's [ __ ] face.

yeah you think that guy's going to be. confident right he knows what he looks. like so he's going to be. self-deprecating and that's how Comics. would get laid back there you know in. those times they weren't goodlooking. people today you got betterlook people. Lenny Bruce is a good-look guy yeah. which his mother said to me that was a. big compliment cuz I'm with mity and. Mitzy would say to Sally cuz I used to. sit with Sally at Schwabs you know and. she'd always go oh you handsome like my.

Lenny it was a compliment because I knew. he was a nicel looking guy and mity. would say to Sally she'd go he's a movie. star he's not even a comic you know she. never had that all those Comics back. then just look at them look at the. pictures on the wall at the comedy store. and you'll know but just to get back to. the DAT of laugh died cuz people are. listening um so geffin tells me why why. does this have to be why can't we just.

trash this and I go cuz it's never been. done every comic gets recorded they do. their very very best to kill I did my. best to bomb you know I just wanted to. see what I could come up with in front. of a couple people he goes but why a. double album why can't it just be a I go. same reason never done okay and mity by. the way way would come to the Arenas. with me when I did The Forum I'd pick. her up in the limo she'd fly to New York.

she was at the Garden she was at the. medal ANS which sold out at that time. metaland biggest Arena ever. 21,500 sold out in 40 minutes wow that. my my Agent Dennis offer at that. time who the only other comic he's ever. handled was Rodney and I've been with. him and Pete papalo for 35 years okay my. whole career and when Dennis saw me do. the Rodney.

special um he came over to me he goes. I've seen every comic I come to every. one of Rodney specials I never wanted. any of them I want you and I I've been. with him all this time and so I'll tell. you the rise to the Arenas but so Mitzy. comes out my house I'm just trying to. keep my place here for you after the. David geffin experience okay. and she goes I want to hear this album. I'm hearing things about it you know and. it's not out yet you know so I I put on.

a CD and she's listening you know mity. she's always truthful you know tells you. how she thinks and she. goes. Andrew what is. this I go and I want to laugh in a face. but I got to keep the I go uh it's my. new album what do you think she goes. it's going to ruin your. career they go.

this I don't think so just like you told. me about dice would never work you know. it's not going to ruin the career I go I. want she goes I don't want to see you. career you work so hard to get to I go. don't worry about it Bottom Line album. comes out four days gold I don't even. know how many platinums it is to this. day it's the biggest selling compy. comedy album ever as far as I know okay. the biggest comedy and for Comics it's.

like a Bible for some [ __ ] reason see. I don't see what you see I just know I. like being a guy that that did things. first see that's what I loved about. Elvis when Elvis came along there was. nobody for him to talk to to go how do I. handle being Elvis yeah but do you. understand like the the the just the. ability to put out something of you. bombing in the height of your stardom. you know how nuts that is like it's.

really hilarious I know you just did it. because you wanted to be first but it's. just what you're doing so crazy so. different yeah so different yeah I could. go into a club or think if the internet. was around back then people would have. understood it they would have gotten. into it I think back then it was so hard. because all you had was like MTV or. VH1 and think of that the narratives. think of the fact that you don't have. internet and in less than a week it's a. half a million sold yeah it was selling.

faster than like mem albums when when he. came out so you know. so H you know I got so much to tell you. that was something I was going to bring. up because of the data laugh it it's. when you have nothing to compare. yourself to other than other first see I. grew up like I said I didn't care about. comedy it was all about acting okay. other than my drums and the singing. stuff the musical stuff when I came into.

comedy I said I'll become like like a. movie star you know that was my. confidence and getting on a comedy stage. would help me obviously and then there. was a lot of backlash like we said you. know the first to be cancelled type of. thing once I took off but you see before. I made it you know I was working with my. first movie George. Kennedy it was called wacko Stella. Stevens who starred with Jerry Lewis and.

The Nutty Professor and Joe Don Baker. who did Walking Tall this stupid movie. called wacko but I couldn't believe the. people I'm getting to work with like I'd. call home and talk to my parents and my. sister and go you know it's Joe Don. Baker Walking Tall and George Ken Cool. Hand Luke you know so it was all about. the acting then I did a movie private. Resort Johnny Depp and Rob Marrow now.

Johnny we know where his career went Rob. has a more low-key career but he's a big. star he's in billions he did his own. show uh Northern Exposure and the. producer would say it was a little Beach. Movie in Florida we did he goes the. three of you are going to be huge Stars. he just knew this Israeli producer then. it was. um uh pretty and pink Molly ringal you. know John CER that that John yuse took.

one scene I did and split it into two. that's how much he loved me to show me. twice in the movie um making the grade. Jud Nelson I was almost like auxiliary. bratpack that they would use me in their. movies and then I did Casual Sex for. Ivan wman and his wife directed Jean. viev and I played the man now you. remember Judy toll who passed away mhm. okay she.

writes. uh are you crying. dice you know what that's my. weakness she was great what's your. weakness.

my own. sensitivity that's not a. weakness that's not a weakness sometimes. I think no no no I'm just trying to tell. you a story and I'm crying no I like the. fact you're crying I like the fact that. people get to know who you are I've seen. you cry too I cry man I don't think. there's anything wrong with crying I'm. an emotional person she was a great. girl uh came out to LA with Tom Wilson. what's up boy friend who wound up his. Biff and Back to the Future and uh she. wrote he was a comic too right yeah yeah.

lived with me for six. years and she wrote casual sex and. instead of calling it The Dice Man she. called it the VIN man and I played the. part. and they. show they screen the movies for test. audiences and I was there uh with one of. my wives at the time and um. so after the screening Ivan calls me. over with the head of universal and and.

his wife and he. goes would you come back Christmas. time and I go for what he goes we're. going to rewrite the last 20 minutes to. a half hour to make you the star of the. movie that's how much the audience loved. you you know so I'm like yeah I'll come. back and I couldn't believe it you know. like they changed them from like the. attitude of dice to all of a sudden he's. you know the other side the softer the.

guy that cries side right and uh and I. wind up with Leah Thompson in the movie. that's the end of the movie and they. rewrote the whole thing to make me the. star of the movie and they're like. you're going to be a big star and then I. was um working on Michael man's crime. story which. spawned everybody. um Dennis finina Michael. Madson um David.

kuso Kevin spacy all these great actors. that that just blew up from Crime Story. which was the show Michael man did after. he was done with Miami. Vice and so Crime Story really became a. few years later. s's. Casino so if you could think of Casino I. played in crime story the um the Robert.

daero part the guy that ran the casino. and Tony Dennison played the peshy part. in the. series now the series was going to be. cancelled it wasn't the days of HBO like. you put The Sopranos on and it last 10. years you know it was a network show I. forgot if it was ABC or or. NBC but it was an expensive show to. shoot so Michael man directed one of the. only episodes that I had a giant part in.

now if you think a casino Joe pesi bangs. Sharon Stone okay and then they wind up. blowing up daero out of the car in the. series Crime Story I get blown up out of. the car because Tony Dennison is banging. my wife in the show all right so the. same story it's the same story it's a. real story about those gangsters from. the Midwest from. Chicago and only in the movie they don't. do the cops that were after them the.

major crime unit that was after him. which which Dennis finin was really the. real cop you know and he became an actor. see Michael man loves guys that really. were Jewel thieves or real criminals and. but Dennis Vina became a gigantic actor. and I loved the guy he was amazing and. uh so anyway we shooting the episode. where I got blown up out of the car and. we're in. Vegas and they have me in a cast from my.

waist up and I had just filmed the. Rodney Dangerfield special. okay and Michael man's talking about. that the show's going to get cancelled. and I said listen I I need to talk to. you you know you can't cancel the show. and he goes he goes all right when we. when we take a lunch me and you will go. have coffee and you know the Peppermill. in Vegas on the Strip so he puts me in.

his Trans Am and the strip wasn't like. it is today you could cut through the. desert there was a third of the hotels. like you see today so he cuts through. and I'm wobbling in the car cuz I'm in. this [ __ ]. cast so now in the Peppermill and I I'm. smoking you know my arms up the whole. thing and he goes all right so what do. you need to talk to me about now Michael. man at that time is probably 45 47 years. old I'm like 29 I'm like the youngest.

guy in the. cast and I said you you can't cancel. crime story he goes you don't understand. it's it's a great show but it's a very. expensive show and nobody has really. blown up from the show so I'm looking at. a guy with a straight face only I'm in a. cast blowing smoke out of the cast I go. they go give me about 3 four months and. I'll be like the biggest star on the.

planet he's go what are you talking. about like now he's like a little pissed. off I go I just filmed this Rodney. Dangerfield HBO young comedian show and. when it is I'm going to be the biggest. comic in the world that the world's ever. seen he goes bigger than prior I go way. bigger bigger than anybody body you know. bigger than Eddie Murphy I go yeah of. course I go Eddie does you know Eddie.

Eddie at his Peak was doing 7,000 seats. which was unheard of when he would do it. but I know where I'm going I have a plan. and he goes look dice he goes I love you. as an actor and I think you have a big. career in acting he goes and I wish you. all the luck with the skit that you're. talking about with the Rodney thing I go. but the show is just too expensive and. we're going to get the pink slip on it I.

go I'm telling you it's a mistake okay. the show gets cancelled within a month. Show's done you know and people loved. Crime Story the people that were fans of. Crime Story was like Soprano's fans you. know the Rodney special as I number one. I took a full page ad in variety back. then it was a new paper not digital full. page half the page was my picture I'm. sitting on a chair backwards with a real.

attitude and then the right side was a. whole poem about how I never studied. much in school but when I turned on the. tube and then I named everybody there. was Elvis the king Buddy Rich with hands. like lightning Travolta made me dance. every Big Star Brando made me pout uh. Dean had a s all these big stars and at. the end I write Murphy and PRI are both. great no doubt but in 88 it's dice.

they'll shout I never studied much in. school but I did study okay that comes. out on a Thursday because I know the. industry shuts down. Friday okay so I wanted everybody to see. this now obviously if I was wrong. biggest [ __ ] in the world I'm a joke. the show is Saturday night okay Monday. done biggest comic there is the gigs. just started coming how did Rodney find.

you um Rodney saw me at The Comedy Store. like I showcased for him and he how did. they set that up like would Mitzy pick. the lineup there was a a a producer Rob. freed all right that worked for Orion. that got him in there somehow and so was. this guy at the clubs watching people no. no he was a movie producer so who who. was the one that picked you guys. um could that's a question I couldn't. answer I don't know if it was Mitzy I. don't know if it was Babe from New York.

who who ran dangerfields who actually me. what a that's such an important spot to. get on the young comedian special back. then the r Dangerfield specials were. well that was it made everybody was. everything kenis you U Don Herrera Bob. Nelson Lenny Clark you know uh Jesus. Christ Robert Shimmel yeah yeah you know. and. so but you say this is where I'm. different than other Comics so and I. love D myera but I'd watched um you know.

we had months to get ready and I'm just. in preparation Zone I couldn't give a. [ __ ] if there was no one in the room I'm. going up I'm rehearsing cuz all I wanted. to worry about the night of the special. cuz you're going to be nervous inside. but they can't see it okay so I'm going. to look right and I'm going to play. America had you done any kind of Comedy. Special before that no no nothing. nothing this I knew what this could do.

because when Kennis Kennison broke in 86. that he got that babe at that time was. telling Rodney you got to see this guy. dice so I think it was babe that got me. on the Showcase in in 88 okay and so the. only thing I wanted to worry about was. playing the room and what I meant by the. room is not just danger Fields America. like I wanted them to feel me so the. outfit had to be right everything had to.

be right so there was no way I'm going. to [ __ ] around on stage I don't care if. nobody's there it's it's time to. rehearse you know from beginning to end. so I remember doing the shot you know I. remember leaving the hotel the Regency. Hotel in full Gob with a belt buckle. this big a Holly Davidson belt I wanted. people looking I wanted to feel it I. wanted to feel New York cuz I'm about to. change my.

life it was I come off you know I oh oh. and Barry soble this is great he shows. up for rehearsal that day in a. motorcycle jacket and he's always in a. baseball jacket and I like these guys. but back then Comics didn't have each. other's backs it's just the way it was. so I go over to Rodney and I go Rodney. why is Barry Soo in a motorcycle jacket. so Rodney goes hey Barry come over here.

man okay what's with the leather he goes. well this is what I'm going to wear. tonight he go no you're not man you're. going to wear a baseball jacket he goes. no I'm going to wear this he go no. you're going to wear baseball jacket or. you're not doing the show how's that. sound okay everything cool all right. dice is handled it was great right so he. basically wore the same jacket you were. wearing he was trying to you know but. you did it on purpose yeah 100% you know. back then Comics weren't like you nobody. had anybody's back today Comics help.

each other with that podcast you know. you want to open for me Bobby Le's out. with a great guy now I mean they help. each other today back then stab him in. the back before he stabs you that's just. how it was so me I just kept to myself I. felt like the Frank serpo at The Comedy. Store I didn't want to make no friends. glad it's not like that now no it's. nothing like that guys are friends today. it's a whole different thing out there. when do you think that changed what year.

did that start to change in the early. 2000s when all the new guys started. coming out you know you know and. starting out it all came out of the. store though you know it came out of the. store because guys from New York would. come to the store guys from New York. would come to the store and they'd say. that they would say everyone here is. like real friendly they help each other. they write tags for each other they're. all [ __ ] around together mhm it's a. different kind of camaraderie we go to. the B bar and hang out when you saw me. filming at the store it was all the new.

guys right the show was about all the. new guys yeah you know I could hey look. I remember Bobby Lee like I had a lot of. I had Diaz open for me I had Bobby Lee. open for me I had Sebastian open for me. had a million openers okay that I would. look to help see I'm a guy that even. when I took off I would looked at Jim. Norton one of the best you know he you. know if Norton was on with me he' say I. have a career course a dice Eddie. Griffin he does he says that all the.

time Eddie Griffin I remember I had a. William Morris agent Eddie Griffin came. over to me at The Comedy Store goes uh. I'm gonna open for you one day I don't. know who the hell he is I happen to come. to The Comedy Store I'm going on tour. the next. morning and I see Eddie on stage who's. got nothing other than incredible. potential and balls and a couple bits. and that's what I loved about him his.

energy he made them laugh at nothing. okay so he comes outside you know and I. go hey Eddie how you doing today he goes. oh great you know and he tries to like. stand up to me you know because it's. scary cuz I know what it was to see big. stars at the store and I'd never go over. to them yeah wait till I tell you how I. got to open for prior and became like. mit's guy for PRI for Robin Williams and. Eddie Murphy I'll tell you that story. and that'll Amaze you but Eddie Griffin.

standing there I go you know I I caught. you tonight you really are pretty good. you're going to really have a career he. goes you think so I go yeah why don't. you go home and pack we leave in the. morning for for Philadelphia it was the. first time I did the Spectrum and I was. doing a whole tour we get to. Philly I noticed that he don't have a. jacket he's not wearing socks and. there's snow on the ground. so I take him shopping I forgot what. stores we went to and I just fill him up. with clothing and that's when he started.

calling me Uncle D you know from that. time on now we're at The Comedy Store. and I'm with William Morris I forgot the. agent I had a lot of Agents by then you. know so I call over my agent Michael. Gruber is his name and I said Michael I. want you to meet Eddie Griffin I goes. yeah how you doing Eddie he goes you're. were very funny tonight yeah I go can. you do me a favor just sign him in the. morning I go that's what I need done you. know and I was just able to get it done. signs Eddie months later Eddie's got uh.

Malcolm and Eddie the TV sit I remember. that and from that he went on to the. movie startom and he's had a great. career but I used to like to do Lenny. Clark [ __ ] Lenny the. best I have Lenny open for. me number one the crowd wanted nothing. to do with the openers it was just um. doing the wave singing as S A so they.

only want the dice it was absolute. [ __ ]. bedum I mean I'd look at the crowds and. go I don't know what I'm going to do I. never went to concerts as a kid I didn't. give a [ __ ] about concerts you know and. uh I didn't even go see Elvis who I. idolized so Lenny Clark's on stage NASA. col seem they don't want anything to do. with him and he goes look I got to stay. out here anyway you know and do my time.

and he sits down and he starts clipping. his. toenails. okay Dan he's so great I love I haven't. seen him in years but I I know what a. wonderful guy he is and he's had an. amazing career and this was the start of. it cuz he calls me up when we're going. to do the universal. Amphitheater and he goes dice you mind. if I have some people come down to see. me I go Lenny that's what it's all about. I I want you to go further you know and.

he gets his own television show I think. it was called Lenny well the show fails. miserably my friend Peter Dobson was in. it a young actor and but they take Lenny. now and they put him on. Frasier for I think it was frasia for. all the years playing a cop so his. career blew up and he's had a great. career but I used to love that that I. could look at a guy and I go I help make. that happen just like Rodney gave me the.

shot of a lifetime you know and I. remember even coming to Rodney when I. was going to do the garden which a lot. of people don't know I did over 300. Arenas I did 12 million people up to 19. 300 Arenas well you're doing them too. now so I'm not even going to make a big. deal that's an amazing number look I've. seen what you've been doing you know. and but but yeah no you sent me uh you. sent me a good luck when I did the. garden because I knew how important it.

was to you you know and you know that's. like if I would see nobody got behind me. when I made it right you know I didn't. have any com the only comic was Eddie. Murphy let me tell you Lenny Clark Story. yeah I I uh I only had been paid for. comedy on two occasions at this time I. this was the second time I open up for. this guy named Warren McDonald in this. shitty little bar gig and then I opened. up for Lenny Clark and Lenny Clark it. was after Lenny had done young comedian.

special okay which is the one I did and. I don't know even how I got recommended. to do it so it's at Jay's in Pittsfield. Massachusetts this crazy Comedy Club I. was out in Western Massachusetts it a. great place and I go on stage and I do. well it was fun it was a good set and I. get off stage and Mike Clark is Lenny's. brother and Mike Clark books giggles and. soas and Mike Clark's the [ __ ] man. and Mike Clark goes kid you're really. funny but you got to clean it up like.

your act is too dirty and everybody said. that to me back then I was like and then. Lenny comes off says he goes kid that. was hilarious he goes that [ __ ] bit. about the one bit that like Mike Clark. told me don't do that bit anymore Lenny. was like that bit was hilarious and he. goes he was just telling me to clean it. up he goes yeah you should probably. clean it up but [ __ ] it I never did. exactly you got I was on stage at an. open mic night once and the after I did. my set the the open mic night host. called me Joe [ __ ] Rogan and then he. comes off stage and he he lectures me.

and how I shouldn't swear and it's cheap. and easy comedy and I said but the guys. that I like are all they all swear like. that's the comedy that I like like like. Dice Clay goes yeah you're not Dice Clay. I remember thinking this but how wasn't. Dice Clay not Dice Clay wasn't all these. people weren't they it's just so easy to. say oh that's a cheap way to get a laugh. it's a dumb thing to think too because. there's all sorts of ways to do music. there's all sorts of ways to do movies.

there's all exactly there's all genres. look I like violent movies it doesn't. mean I like violence I like a little. violence controlled but it's like what. what are you coffee do you want some. coffee want some more get in there get. some black there you go take out cup. like a man all right like a man we do at. [ __ ] camp together like we're camping. friend cheers yeah cheers brother I get. to keep the cop by it's all [ __ ] it I'll. give you we got a Yeti for you. brother it's good it's not bad Black. Rifle I got to C back on sugar anyway my.

girlfriend will like it yeah yeah yeah. Sugar's terrible I'm going through a. whole thing I can't yeah I could help. you I could help you with that I. shouldn't have brought it up she's going. to now tell me you should listen to. Rogan you know cuz I do I do exercise a. lot I do it's my hobby it's I don't do. what you do I mean the first time I saw. you honestly I think I've told this to. you. [Laughter]. Matthew I see him in uh in the in the.

the middle of black I used to like to. look at Black Belt Magazine there he is. in a split with his onions basically. plasted to the [ __ ]. ground with every muscle popping out of. his body and I go I know this guy he's a. comic you know I but I didn't know about. you know the karate or anything yet you. know I just knew you as a comic you know. and I thought that was amazing and I. know how you are cuz I I I know you for.

years so I should know you work out and. I know everything with you I I know with. the fighting. thing yeah the announcing the I know it. all but what I'm saying is my girlfriend. will he frog and's telling you to cut. back and have this instead of you got to. think about it this way she gets on me. with it but I there a real simple way to. think about it literally. literally you are what you eat actually. figuratively you are what you eat the. only way your body has the proper fuel.

is if you give it to it if you give your. body [ __ ] your body gives you. [ __ ] no I I I do it's really simple. there aren't many foods I eat like I. don't really believe in vegetables you. know what I mean well you should try the. carnivore diet then a lot of people are. very even a 208 lb yeah but I mean it's. not but it's not about diet as in trying. to lose weight it's about diet as in. fueling your body correctly you don't. have as much inflammation no and I know.

you do know a lot about that you should. get checked out to see if you have food. allergies cuz you might be dealing with. a you don't have any have you done the. whole test none of thatone have you done. this the test where they do it different. things you know right but have you done. that test that test is very it's very. really it really works well it's it's. it's helped many people that I know you. you go and they test you for a bunch of. different things like you know some. people they find out they're allergic to. like certain vegetables some people are. allergic to gluten some people are. allergic to all kind milk and they're.

they don't even know they're they're. intolerant to it and they're just like. they just accept that their body feels. like [ __ ] see but I don't feel like [ __ ]. that's you know and and I you know maybe. you could feel better you know I you. know what you're probably right about. that but what I am glad about is that. you know I had a heart attack when I was. 60 okay who yeah I had I had to have a. stent put in yeah I didn't make that. like news you know what I made news and.

this will interest you all right you're. looking at me I look normal yes and I. know I look. normal I got hit with a few things I got. hit with Bell's PS yeah I know about. that okay and I didn't hide from which. side of your face was it it was this. side of my face and see I'm a certain. way because I am a fighter in my heart. you know and I was like I'm not. canceling my shows and I'm not going to. hide the fact that that I have Bell's B. I posted about it you know I made fun of. it on stage I would do Sammy Davis for.

like 10 minutes because yeah because my. my face is down to here you know what I. mean so I would make the whole F I go. what can't I find my eye you know and I. would just do all that stuff and then ay. Jun you know just getting into s and. that's how I would make fun of the Bells. py because also at the beginning you. know you know I during the like. pandemic I I changed like I don't.

like um when people like use the CW like. I'll even yell at Elanor she says you. know that's old that word went out with. high button shoes you know like you. don't like that word no do you think. really think we should abandon words at. some point in time no no I think you. come up with better ones okay like all. right let's say I don't want to talk. about my girlfriend in this way but I.

only have one girl but you could be like. at a at a family function and you say. something like uh you know what babe. maybe we should go home now I'm really. in the mood for that glazed donut. hole you could say I see you're saying. well that in but I I'm using [ __ ] as a. pejorative no but what I'm saying is I. use pink lip Lagoon M right but that's. like an actual thing how do yeah but.

that's when you're saying the c word. you're. saying argum like an argument yeah or. someone is a Karen you would call him a. Karen now that I don't get into that's. true right it's kind to se word there's. so much I can't change I can't CH when. they Chang this is when I knew. everything was going to [ __ ] when they. changed um that's kind of a friendly way. to say the c-word call someone a Karen. yeah you know but then because it's just. a word it's just a letter I mean. imagine it sucks if your name is Karen.

this lady told me once it was hilarious. I go uh she goes uh you know hi my. name's Karen and I said does that bother. you the whole Karen thing she goes no. cuz I spell it different oh God she's. like I spell it k a r y n I'm like okay. you win like what are you saying you. still got [ __ ] they still got you they. still got you she cuz she was in her 40s. and like they had got her with that name. her whole life she was fine it was a. regular girl name exactly now it's no. good and there's no guy there's no guy. name like that it's like maybe some.

people say Chad but there's some badass. Chads out there that don't doesn't work. definitely not naming you know it's like. H honky doesn't work either you know you. can't it's it's funny that there's not. one like that for a dud they changed so. many stupid things the Karen one's. perfect though it's like it's it sucks. if your name is Karen but godamn it's. perfect there's no little baby Karen's. around right now I [ __ ] doubt it I. would like to see that Cliff drop off. from the time Karen became a thing to. the time kids stopped naming their kids.

Karen I just can't do it though Karen. it's not a bad name no it's a it's a. nice name it's a beautiful name yeah. exactly so it's like you're calling. somebody something nice you're Ken thank. you I generally don't use it but it is. funny that it's a thing I'm just saying. when I talk to guys that come to my show. and I go you know the married every 30. years whatever and I go so you're still. using the p word and the C come on you. know what do you call it oh beautiful.

names right you know moo oh better. better you know what I mean much better. tiny tuna Tower tiny tuna Tower go how. many times like think of this how many. times don't you think a a girl gets. bored when the guy's head is buried in. the pillow how many times she got to. hear in her. life I'm going to come she's heard that. thousand she's probably miming it you. know I'm G to come you know I go you. come up with something different. Everything Changes you know that's how I.

I look at life you make it more exciting. rather than a you want be the first no. rather than a dimmer in your bedroom. right have three four lava Lambs going. the dimmer with the dust on it come on. right mix it up yeah you got Toom. especially when you're with somebody for. a long time I really understand that. stuff I don't know what well I don't. want to do real bits on the show but you. know I talk about all that on stage and. how see CU I was the guy that said hated.

women but I don't really think like I. have a friend that said to me on the. phone he goes look you're 65 I I I. understand that you still love sex he. goes I like it too but not like you you. like it it's like every time you have. sex it's like the first time I go. because I always appreciated it I always. found it exciting you know you know it's. like you know one minute you saying.

hello to somebody and what's sign to you. and what do you do to to make a dollar. and the next thing you're just banging. into this [ __ ] mobilized meat steak. you know relentlessly and going all. right I guess you're mine now you know. but I always appreciated the80s the '. 80s were a magical time but I just try. to appreciate it like it never gets old. to me when I'm into somebody you know. what I mean and even from many years ago.

you know they're going this is the guy. that hates women I go there's probably. nobody more romantic if you spoke to my. girl all right we all know Valentine's. Day flowers chocolates [ __ ] right I. need a Monday my girl I I I'm always and. I don't buy the [ __ ] grocery $3. flower I go in I'm the flower guy knows. me because I go today the tall V you. know and I'll throw I spent thousands on.

it a year because I like how she feels. when she gets fresh flowers I mean she. happens to be Southern but she just. loves it you know she just loves the. smell of it the look of it and it just. gives me pleasure when I could do. something sweet for her that's not a. holiday I don't need a birthday or or. Valentine's Day when I could get you. flowers every week if I want you know.

and that the doorbell rings and she go. oh this is so sweet thank that's. how how I've been really my whole life. but not with the well you you're very. sensitive to that cuz that was like a. thing that really bothered you when. people were coming out true it wasn't. true but it was also it's like this is. what I always say it's like when when. you see Brad smash that woman's face. against the mantle and Once Upon a Time. in Hollywood he's not really doing that. exactly 100% so what is it about you.

know in a movie it's not real you know. in a song that it's not real like Bob. Marley didn't really shoot the sheriff. right we all know that so what is it. about comedy that's so obviously a. persona it's so obviously this. over-the-top character that you've. created and it's hilarious and so many. people like it. why did that bother people so much this. is what's crazy about it it's like how. come no one I could understand if you.

don't like it I can understand it's not. your thing but it was Universal except. for fans so obviously whoever's. reviewing it is not representing. everyone because there's so many people. coming out to see you and they're having. the time of their life and I was one of. those fans I was one of those fans so. for me I didn't understand it like as a. comic I'm like he's just doing comedy. like what what is wrong with you people. really you know you can't dictate these. are the free speech people these are the.

these are the First Amendment people you. can't dictate what a person talks about. or doesn't talk about back then though. you couldn't go after them see if they. came out with a news today you can fight. back they had ultimate shap Society by. deciding things sucked yeah it it was a. brutal time I enjo. number one I enjoy this time way better. for me I enjoy getting on stage way more. for me now you know cuz these are fans.

that just appreciate what I do and now. I'm like grandfathered in I'm not part. of with the cancelling you know I do. what I do I came through it and I'm. still standing as they would say so I. just go on stage and and do the ACT I. want to do and I don't care what anybody. thinks about and like I said it is a lot. more deprecating now but you you had a. Resurgence because of the internet too. though well I also have Resurgence. because uh you know like I said it was.

always about acting to me and you know. uh I don't know what I want to talk. about all right. so in what was it 2009 or 10 Here Comes. Doug Ellen who created Entourage and. he's getting ready to do his very last. season of. Entourage and we have a meeting at the. Soho club which is like Entourage you. know and he said to me and look when I.

talk to another comic sometimes it's. hard so I'm going to say I think you're. an incredible comedian you on top of. performer you're an incredible comedian. your thoughts are great you're a worldly. guy you know a lot of stuff so when you. perform that's why you have built the. audience you have around the entire. [ __ ] world I mean to me this was. never even a thought in my head that. somebody would come along you know cuz.

to me I always look like at Howard Stern. like who's ever going to come along and. top what this guy has done and then. slowly but surely here you come and now. you have basically the biggest audience. in the world and that's why I tell you. how proud I am because you had enough. success way before this to walk away. from it all and just do standup but this. is something you wanted and you took the. time to nurture it and build it and do. it your own way and you just became it.

and I love when I see an original and. you are an original and this incredible. comic SL performer because you don't. stand in one spot on stage I've seen you. on your back kicking your [ __ ] feet. like you know it's hilarious to me so. when I do say things things about myself. don't think I'm the only one that thinks. I'm great I know others that are great. and you're one of them and I appreciate.

you thank you you know and I appreciate. like Bill bur I think is amazing I love. bill you know you know Dave Chappelle. amazing Chris Rock amazing but but right. now I'm sitting talking to you so I do. you know I get into my story but I like. you to know what I really think of you. because I know how good that feels to. somebody appreciate you very much and. what you accomplished is. unaccomplished unless you're Joe Rogan. and see it that way and believe in.

yourself that you're an original as you. are I I really appreciate that but I I. don't even think about it that way I. just do what I like to do and I keep. doing it and this this one became. popular and I am amazed by it thank you. and what's funny about that whole. statement is that I forgot what I was. going to tell you before I told you that. but it doesn't a matter because of you. know I wanted to let you know that today. that was important to me all those other. guys whether it's uh Howard or um opan.

Anthony even Imus like all those sort of. controversial radio characters they all. set the stage for this but it was really. it was really Opie and Anthony that was. really where I really decide I mean. that's really where I learned like how. fun it is yeah and I did that show a. thousand times so fun to hang out there. was nothing like it I remember they. would goof on me before I got to know. them you know because Anthony does a. great dice perfect dice okay he does the.

perfect dice he's pretty damn good and I. would get a call from you know my friend. and personal security person throughout. the years club soda Kenny who I don't. know if he bodyguards you he bodyguards. no he hasn't but I love that he's. amazing and he works with Bill bur full. time and he bodyguards Madonna he's an. amazing guy um uh. the girl uh wait what's uh the blonde. girl comedian I just forgot her name for. a second which one I'm not looking to.

even make fun of her any he work with if. he is now I cuz when I'm talking fast I. forget certain things I do too uh he. knows who I'm talking about though club. soda you know. anyway um so. he's there's so many thoughts going. through my head right now you might have. got a contact high. is that it I'm stoned out now you had a. stone I think you're right I think so.

too and I like weed but like I'll do it. like at night right yeah well I do I. take things to help my memory while I'm. it's not helping mine yeah I can give. you some I'll give you some Alpha Brain. next time um It's The Balancing Act of. the positive benefits of weed and the. the memory loss part no I've just got. you're [ __ ] crazy we got you you. really got me I got you accidentally I. didn't mean to no but I get it when did. you quit the cigarettes see when I did.

when I got the the py face mhm okay I. know we were talking about that yeah um. well I've quit cigarettes twice I quit. for 10 years and uh that's the first. time I went back I I didn't want to. smoke or Gamble and you know uh you know. cuz I was a big time gambla with. Blackjack for a long time oh really yeah. and I can tell what's like the most you. ever bet oh no millions that have gone.

around in a circle you know and uh the. first time Bobby Lee opens for me this. is. hilarious he's a new comic. okay and I did. Bal was either 12 or 13 years it was. like this big multi-million dollar deal. I had with Bales which they never gave. any comic in history. okay so that's another first thing and. um so I bring Bobby Lee open for me so I.

lose a quarter million you know within I. don't know an hour and a half of being. there you know what I am Stone C of you. so so he's sitting I remember he'd sit. on the top of the couch in the room you. know with his feet like on the cushions. and he's sitting there cuz he doesn't. know what to do you know like like he. just saw the guy that hired him lose a. quar million. dollars I said Bobby I'll get it back. tomorrow it's not really you know don't.

even think about it serious let's order. some food type of thing and that's. happened a bunch of times because any. Gambler that says he wins all the time. is just lying to you yeah you know but. what I always tell my girlfriend cuz I. don't gamble. anymore that I go I've got to do stuff. that no that people dream of doing that. you only see in movies when you see. gambling movies you know I could.

remember one time also at. B's this is this is a good story um and. wheels was my opening act you knew. Wheels okay so you know he's into coffee. now wheels does all these different. businesses he was catering for a while. right yeah he did the canoli Kings now. he does pareses coffee you know and it's. incredible coffee it's what I drink. every day you know so um we were talking. about this recently that so I'm doing B.

and wheels is the opener and that that. was even one time I'm playing Wheels is. on stage at B I'm at Caesar's Palace. wearing the dice rules jacket club soda. Kenny's with me and he's going we really. need to leave now you're on in 10. minutes so it was a good night for me. I'm on stage now at B's 10 minutes later. with. $350,000 of chips in my pocket that I.

didn't even have time to winnings not. even you know just all winnings so I. Lose I'm with wheels and I lose the. night before a couple hundred grand and. now we'd sit out at the pool I never. became like um a recluse I wasn't going. to live my life like that you know no. matter how big I got in comedy I got to. the mall by myself I got to the cleaners. I got to the grocery because that's what. kept me normal regular just the guy from.

Brooklyn that made it you know so we're. out at the pool at B and I go Wheels you. got you got any money on you he goes I. got $20 you know I go yeah that's enough. I go let's go we get in a cab we go over. to the Mirage all right so at the Mirage. at that time I only had it was like a. $75,000 credit it okay so they give me. 75,000 and I had this dealer I forgot. this guy's name and he's killing me cuz.

I play alone and I play I could play the. whole table if I want so it's 5,000 a. hand that's 30,000 across the board and. this guy's killing me okay but what. bothered me is when they would hold the. cards for me to cut let's say you're the. player the dealer goes like that instead. of like that that you could just find. the spot and cut it mhm so when I was. playing the dealer beating me I asked. the Pit Boss this guy do you mind that.

the dealer turns the cards to me so I. could cut and wheels is sitting here and. I'm sitting on this in and he goes yeah. sure no problem dice the guy would do it. now they switch dealers and Pit Boss now. this is the days where all the women you. know I hate dice type thing okay which. they really didn't it was a small number. but the Press made it like a big number. well the new Pit Boss was a woman and.

she was a dice hater and I said and the. Dealer's name was Archie I remember cuz. he was from. Louisiana and I said um to the pitb I go. would you mind if Archie you know cuz. I'm not in character and I'm not on. stage I go would you mind if Archie. turned the cards to me so I could cut. the cards. and she goes no we can't do that here I. go. well the other pitb didn't have a. problem with it and she goes well I.

do now I get mad now it's dice mean you. know. Wheels get up and then remind me to tell. you about Doug Ellen okay I just. remember right it down I got it I got it. don't worry I got it right after that. I'm going to tell you what happened cuz. it's a great story it's like a rocky. story you know so Wheels get up sit here. I'm making a show out of it now and I go. to the end of the table so I could lean.

across and cut the cards where I want. Wheels get up go back to your seat I go. let me tell you something honey now I'm. dice I go you're going to be lucky if. you have a job when I'm done here now I. go cuz they're all. watching I go Archie you see the last. chip in the $5,000 Lane no not the first. Lane the second lane that's yours how. does that sound nice tip cuz that would. be great I go let's play cards and I.

stopped playing two hands three hands. six hands and I'm just winning but I'm. not stacking the chips I'm just throwing. them like this I don't even know what's. there. right he's down to the last two chips on. the second. row and I go all right this is what I'm. going to to. do I go honey I want you to pay. attention cuz I got a little little. thing I want to ask you I go I want a.

blackjack Archie I'm going to take the. Ace of Spades and then I'm going to take. the Queen of Spades okay that's how. you're going to deal it to me sweetheart. I don't know what [ __ ] pay they give you. here for the 12 hours a day you got to. put in but I'll bet and I don't know. what's here but I'm sure it's it's more. than what you make a week you know or a. year well maybe the next five years but. I'll bet all this that I pull those. cards exactly the way I'm saying it. against your pay what do you say and she.

goes we're not allow to do. that I go all right. Archie give me the Ace of Spades and. give it to me slowly because I make a. sound def noise I do it when I film. which is this noise. and there's the Ace of. Spades I got to tell you and this is a. true story I don't these stories are so. unreal just gut I swear to God it's my.

gut so that's why I'll tell you don't. think I've never lost I've lost a ton of. [ __ ] money you know but I've won a. ton that's the beauty of it yeah but. you're just not you're not just guessing. that you're going to BL check you're. guessing the actual cards it's just a. gut feeling did you ever do it again. after that no wait wait okay so now look. at this woman I go I'll tell you what. same bet if I don't pull the Queen of. Spades you win all that against your pay. for the.

year she goes. no all right Archie let's not [ __ ]. around just give me the Queen of Spades. boom there it is even Wheels couldn't. believe it and honestly Joe I'm sitting. here and I know millions of people. listen to you I couldn't [ __ ] believe. it it just came out that way so now we. pile it all up I walk out of that hotel. $455,000 after giving them their 75. that's the.

profit and on the way back to the hotel. cuz I make Wheels carry the money in. these like manila envelopes we're in a. cab I go put your hand and grab a stack. of money you know so he takes like. $110,000 you know and I go wouldn't that. worth. $20 you know what I mean so that's one. of the gambling stories but I always. tell people about gambling I want to. know why you thought those were going to. be the cards like what is. that some do you think that there's a m.

there's moments in time where you just. know things for some reason well I knew. when I'd. lose yeah of course it's like you know. it's like there were just certain days. it it would get to the point and I've. done this and I've done this in front of. gangsters mhm that one guy said to me he. goes throw the looks away you because I. was calling every card coming out and. I'm not a card counter I don't even know. math really so what do you think that is.

and how how many times have you been. able to do that in your life is it just. with cards or is it with other stuff too. I've done it with my career I've done it. with my career let let me what do you. think that. is you would think it's a gift it's just. something if you believe in God and I'm. not a religious guy in anyway but I. believe I was put here you know and I. always knew what I was supposed to be. you know like I told you about Elvis.

when I was 12 years old and I didn't. really talk about Jean ker A Buddy Rich. with the drums or Ringo Star but I knew. I was meant like when I'd be failing. everything in school I wouldn't even. worry about it because I knew I was. meant for much more that's so. interesting you know it it's almost like. it was written that's how I say it to I. never felt that way ever in my life if. you want to hear something that that and. and and I want to give you to Doug Ellen. and I want to talk to you about those. videos okay so don't you try not to.

forget that okay so when I was really. going through it with the press and they. were really I mean I couldn't turn on TV. I know it's not your life so you're not. thinking about my life but I would see. it every day no I thought about you when. that was going on because I was like no. one has his back. and there there was no one in like media. that had your back no talk about Eddie. Murphy all the time cuz Eddie came out. on Areno he was the only one and said I.

don't know about what's going on I don't. remember his where he goes but he's. funny and I'm going to the to the Forum. to see him however he said it you know. he was the one guy I remember driving. down Green Cadillac convertible kelly. green with my wife at the time and and. she's going somebody's yelling at you. Andrew and it was Eddie Murphy in a. little Convertible Mercedes go P the. [ __ ] and he gets out of his car we're. on a side street near Crescent that I.

made a right turn before Melrose and he. pulls behind me gets out of his car cuz. he always liked me at The Comedy Store. he'd walk away from this before I made. it he'd walk away from his. Entourage you know just to talk to me he. loved what I did he gets out of his car. he go don't let them [ __ ] with you he. goes see how they're doing don't let. them get to you I see what they're doing. I mean and he really had my back that. way but nobody else did every other.

comic opening their [ __ ] mouth from. from Jay Leno to George [ __ ] Colin. and I go and of course when they come. face to face with me kiss my ass. apologize that's how these [ __ ] guys. were that's why I get angry now even cuz. you know I like guys like gleno I think. I'll even say it now think he's one of. the funniest guys out there but what a. [ __ ] like you used to stand leaning. against your motorcycle before I ever.

made it you know talking to me all the. time and then the day I took off and got. bigger than any comic you ever heard of. I'm no [ __ ] good you can what did he. say he would say B he said things number. one you got a picture on the first guy. on the cover of Penthouse Magazine he's. got the picture somewhere uh that Bob. Guion called me up and said said I want. to he goes the only other guy that's. ever been on the cover was me you're. going to be the first man on the cover. of Penthouse you know whenever he finds.

it you'll see there it is. right what's funny is I think that's 90. and uh actually one of those girls were. pregnant at that time which is for four. months pregnant and he goes I'm going to. put you on the cover and then he tried. it with other guys like you know I don't. want to name names but it didn't sell. like this sold so he stopped doing it he. thought he was going to start a trend. when he put me and then he had me again. did a whole photo shoot with me in suits. I stayed at his house in Manhattan he.

had a a townhouse Judy gin's Gold piano. you walk into this place he's with his. wife over the railing there's a pool. inside the house he put me in what he. called The Black Room the whole room was. black with the mirrored [ __ ] ceilings. the red bathroom it looked like The. Comedy Store and uh and then did all the. girls were staying there and we did a. whole photo shoot that's the second time. I was in Penthouse but they did a a a.

whole interview on me and that was I. forgot what Jay said but I got him at. the Improv which I hardly ever go to H. because The Comedy Store was my place. and that's where I belong see I always. looked at the Improv like oh these are. the nice boys and that's okay I think. Seinfeld's one of the greatest Comics. ever he he's he's he's a Long Island. nice guy you know what I mean I'm an. animal I always was an animal you know I. got my face bashed in I was beat up by.

gangs I was put in [ __ ] hospitals. with my face split up all kinds of [ __ ]. million fights you know I'm not like. those guys I'm from Brooklyn New York. and I love. that so I get in Leno's face and I go. where do you come off saying a [ __ ]. word about me. I go now you standing in front of me and. I go and next time you see me there'll. be no talk you know and and that's how. it would go with these guys what did he.

say oh [ __ ] it out like they all would. you know uh George Colin met him up at. the Stern Show after he badmouth me on. Larry King you know I'm sorry I said any. of that I was sort of just going with. the Snowball Effect I couldn't even tell. you what you do on stage I go great. you're a prick the [ __ ] out of my way I. hated these guys so he just piled on he. just piled on like every the girl that.

[ __ ] Zero from Saturday Night Live uh. Nora whatever her [ __ ] name was that. walked off Saturday Night Live when I. when I um when I hosted it okay so uh. Nora this is hilarious I don't even want. to do Saturday Night Live I was never a. Saturday Night Live freak you know you. know I think it's a great show but I was. busy doing an act you know right so I. get a call Ford Fair Lane's coming out. you want to host Saturday Night Live my.

father's like I think it's a smart move. sunny boy so no that's you know how he. was he right Sandy G biggest manager in. Hollywood but I didn't make a move till. my father said move you know and um so I. come up the Saturday Night Live I'm. waiting I'm waiting I'm waiting oh and. then Here Comes uh Calvin Klein's. daughter to bring me into law okay I sit. down just like me and you and La goes. yeah it's been a rough day you.

know I. go yeah all right you know he goes yeah. you know Nora walked off the sh I forget. her name all the time her her last name. um I go well you know what are you going. to do right cuz I don't right and he. goes she walked off because of you. so I. go I go Lauren I I don't know who she is. did did I do something to her he goes no. she doesn't want you on the show so.

she's boycotting the show and that was. news all week right. and the real story is her done oh okay. so yeah the real reason was that her. contract was up in two weeks and he. wasn't going to renew it he didn't want. to know more that's it so that was her. way of getting back at him cuz the most. controversial comic ever really is. hosting this I'm going to walk off and.

cause a. problem and that's and Then chenade. followed in suit but chenade apologized. when she went on aino she goes if I knew. what I knew then my management talked me. into walking off cuz this girl Nora did. you know she was supposed to be the. musical yes and um yeah it was a it was. a rough time my mother used to say they. she goes they come after you more than. they go after.

OJ she really meant it and it was. unbelievable cuz anytime I turn on TV. well it certainly seems like that. because it's you though you know no no. but it was that I could turn on Regis. and well you were you were a cultural. hot button and there was again there was. no internet back there to have your back. yeah but it's not like it went on for 6. months even years that MTV thing went on. for years you were you were The Whipping. Boy when it came to like uh what they. would call uh blue comedy but the thing.

was would you take the cigarettes. offensive comedy no it's they're right. there your cigarettes are right in front. of your your coffee cup oh that's what. I'm saying see I had I told you I had a. cataract taken oh yeah how bad did that. [ __ ] with your your vision it [ __ ] with. it that's why I'm always in sunglasses. the light [ __ ] with it you know it's. really helped it but it [ __ ] with it. you know and um so you're saying you. quit twice yeah and then you you didn't. smoke for how long so I didn't smoke for. 10 years then when my father was.

supposedly going to pass away I was with. Elanor playing a club in Virginia I was. standing on this corner with like five. different roads with cars going I just. bought a pack and started smoking wow so. that went on for like another six. years then when I uh when was turning 60. I had a a heart attack I didn't even. know I'm having one and it was in Vegas. and you know they put a stent in and I.

just stopped that day I just like yeah I. didn't I didn't need any kind of patch. or shot or just stop smoking why do you. carry them still but it's the same with. gambling I could shut I just like here. we're having a conversation have one in. your hand I love it I do love holding. cigarettes I just even when I do. concerts that have to have two packs in. the dressing room that's hilarious you. know but I never light them I don't get. the urge to light them what if someone. lights one around you you couldn't care. less you want to smoke smoke you know.

you know I just I just don't want the. smoke right you know and I always loved. exercise and I learned how to train my. own body everybody's got a different. body through Sly Stallone's guy when I. was doing Fort Fairlane George pipik was. his is is his name and George was mred. Czechoslovakia for four years and when. steroids came into the business back. then he just quit he didn't he and he.

had a body like tsan and he moved to. America built his own gym and every. machine in it on Olympic Boulevard and. when my career took off I became good. friends with. Sly and I Met George at his house and. George taught me how to train my own. body. you know and I've always stuck to every. and it and it always just works can I. stop you for a second what the [ __ ] was. going on with that one interview where.

you went on some news show I don't know. if it was CNN CNN okay that was one of. the most ridiculous things could we. please play that cuz it's one of my. favorite get Doug Allen we'll get to. Doug Allen the videos we'll get to. anything this is let's start from the. beginning put the headphones on this is. one of my favorite videos this is talk a. little bit about uh where your career. has been where your career has been you. of course you were you were a headline. guy and then a headline guy you know. what I mean for a while you popped out.

now you're coming back for a while for a. while you were actually you were running. you were running a gym tell us about. that running a gym weren't you running a. gym at supposed to be a news guy what. you getting your [ __ ] you this is. ridiculous I come on CNN and the guy. don't even know what he's talking about. go ahead you no point where you running. a gym um no no I'm running a gym what. you need a workout or something Jesus. [ __ ] Christ with these guys I come on. the news for two seconds and you want to. every time I do an interview a guy wants.

to open his [ __ ] mouth can't even do. a little. [ __ ] you [ __ ] yourself you know what. all right thework we'll go back to uh. talking about Art. Carney whatever happened to that guy I. that guy was so good at his job gone CNN. is so good at hiring people gone you. know just gone they're the best and and. he deserved it because that was just so. ridiculous like you know where I was the. next night where sold out Beacon Theater. I sold out the Beacon about 20s.

something times I couldn't even tell you. how many and it's like why is this guy. what and I and I remember doing. interviews about it back then going what. was it his mommy doesn't like me no. that's how I felt I'll tell you what it. is from the outside there was like a. cultural narrative and the cultural. narrative is if you're a good guy you. hate that guy and you don't think that's. funny you don't think the things he says. are funny and again I I bring it to like.

all other kinds of fiction whether it's. movies like I. like I like violent films and violent. books I enjoy them I don't know why I. like them I don't think that's really. happening I don't think that's real like. it's a is it [ __ ] up that people. getting shot is uh is entertainment for. people I don't know it's up to you but. no one's really getting shot so what the. [ __ ] are you worried about equalizer but. the thing is like don't you don't have. to like it that's the thing it's like. for some reason it became like a hot.

button cultural issue like where your. comedy was this character was demeaning. and it was going to cause other people. to be demeaning too but my my thought. was always like is it going to cause you. to be demeaning is are jokes going to. cause you to be demeaning to people is. that really possible so then who we. talking about we talking about kids and. is that what's that on is that on the. parents is that on the teachers is that. on the kids or is that on dice to raise. your kids you know what is that number.

one I just think you know we've been so. held back now like comedians for the. most part are just being held back. because. comedians as Lenny Bruce put it and I. don't even study. Comics we're supposed to be a mirror of. what's going on in the world and say. things what's going on in a funny way. that's all comedy supposed to be you. know depending on hard how hard you want. to get about it well that's up to the.

actual individual comic yeah but to to. put cuffs on comedians in 2023 is the. dumbest thing I've ever heard of well. this is the time where it's you know. it's important to make fun of things CU. things get real serious yeah that. shouldn't get that serious cuz you're. not allowed to express and when people. [ __ ] around when people have to you know. I watch these shows with my girlfriend.

let me tell you something I I keep. saying it but you know this is a girl. that's been through a lot with me she's. been through the py face she's the one. giving me hot rag last night in the. hotel with the hot Rags on my face. because as normal as I look okay the. muscles are tight you know it's [ __ ]. up okay and how long ago was it this is. she would know better than me I don't. know if it's a year it's a year in July.

I think somebody could ask her it's. either a year or two years that I'm. dealing with this but I refuse to back. up you understand I refuse to just fold. I've been like this my my whole life. whatever goes wrong have a heart attack. okay stop smoking that day just working. out like an animal and you know uh you. you know you work out way different than. me I've seen you kicking the bags I've. seen you work I mean I give it up to you.

with that stuff but even if I do. crunches I do sets of a hundred so I'll. do six 700 a day just to start the. workout after I do some cardio it's all. about repetition to me and just staying. as good as I could feel if I if I don't. feel that good in my chest cuz I'm. paranoid cuz I had a heart attack. when I'm in the gym and I'm pumping the. weight doing the chess work I go all. right you're okay because I was taught a. long time ago by a cardiologist the.

heart is a muscle and if the and if the. heart can't handle it it won't let you. do it it's that simple and even when I. got my heart attack I'll never forget. the minute I was told I could exercise a. little I went up runan Canyon because I. was either going to make it to the top. of the canyon or not you know I'm not. willing to live my life in fear you know. fear stops people from doing all kinds. of things they want to.

do even going after a career you know so. I I just refuse to do that and yeah if I. got to feel some tightness in my face. I'll feel it if I'm know what caused it. um stress all stress related they said. you know and stress is a very real thing. you know there's a lot of very real. things my my bills for the longest time. were 50,000 a month for probably 30. years of the last 35 that's just the.

overhead right you know um very. stressful you know I've gone through a. ton of marriages you know so uh thank. God I cheated on all of them you know. yeah because I don't I don't want to. cheat on a girlfriend cuz there's. nothing at stake right you know what she. going to do pack a bag and leave you. cheat on a wife you could lose houses. money alimon there's a lot you know what. I mean so yeah I've enjoyed that process. actually no actually the only two girls.

I never cheated on in my life and I take. a lot of Pride when I say this is. because you know Eleanor is my opening. act and also to me one of the strongest. I can't even call her a girl comic. because she's so great up there she's. fantastic she is to me one of the best. Comics I've ever watch Elanor was the. funny waitress for the longest time and. and we told the story I told the story. when she came on the podcast she was the. person that I always go to like if. someone new in town I go hey did you see.

their set and she go ah they're kind of. hacky she never puts the fun every comic. in the world has her number I just. couldn't stand she see people got to. understand she was first my friend then. you know like an ex- fiance now and then. she started doing standup and the first. time I put on stage she was off stage in. four minutes the the crowd didn't even. let her get going uh it was at Westberry. Music Fair and anybody else would have.

quit the business from that humiliating. first set ever yeah and I screamed at. that crowd I hated them for that because. it's like this is my opener you know. what I mean have some [ __ ] respect I. didn't even want to go on you know well. not only that but to be your opener and. for to have that be your first time ever. on stage that's insane but she didn't. stop and what she start doing three four. sets a night to this day she hustles to. this day she's at the the the mothership. too there isn't a crowd I've seen her.

bomb in front of she kills every time. all the time my other favorite opener. was Jim Norton that the first time he. opened for me and I put her right next. to him you know as my two favorite. openers ever cuz I actually got when we. were in Canada recently so I normally do. one show a night cuz I don't want to. rush the crowd out they pay a high. ticket price to see me so I like giving. them time I like digging into the bits. and coming up with stuff and it's not.

the day to laugh to diet I I want to. kill them I want them to walk out and go. I never saw anybody like this he's. better today than he was 30 [ __ ]. years well we got a chance to see you me. and Norton and uh a couple other folks. Anthony and who else was with us we got. to see you at the Riviera that was like. one of the last that was very nostalgic. for me that was I think that I love that. place I think oh I love the riv there. wasn't that many I think you were one of. the last shows there before they shut. down now I think they demolished it.

didn't they demolish Rivier yeah they. took it down hey I got to get out of. here soon so uh do you want to play some. of these videos and tell me what what. led you to these [ __ ] insane videos. you talked about the day the laughter di. yes okay that's on an album right all. right so all the years people come all. dice can I get a pick picture and it's. it's good to me people that are fans of. yours and now and then I put one up in. these videos but I was like why don't I. just do the day the laughter died live I.

don't look for the fan I look for the. guy that want that runs away from me you. know that we I'm telling you we're doing. pictures now on a whole show based on. the day the laughter died you know which. is called the famous face cuz I could. come over to anybody I love it there was. a girl in Florida I don't know if we. have her and these are people that don't.

know me you know there's nothing better. than failing with a fan where they're. looking at you going I want what play. some of them we got a ton of you know. yeah put put the headphones on so we can. hear yeah I got to here I want to see. what I sent you. even oh this is okay. Rita Joey from Christian Singles how you. going I don't think so. Joey no.

you what all right hold that for a. minute I'm going to tell you about that. okay so I do like to come up with like. Joey from Christian Singles now that. woman's at a bus stop waiting for a bus. go to Brooklyn so I know these are. Brooklyn people and I know this woman. has been dealing with guys like Joey her. whole [ __ ] life so I know before I. even and I'm with my girlfriends in the.

background like we look for targets I. call them that I'm looking at this woman. I'm like watch this watch this I know. she's going to hate me but her response. was so quick that's how quick people are. when they grow up like that the minute I. said read a Joey from CHR sing the speed. of her just looking at me you just know. she I don't think so Joey you know what. I mean she shut you the [ __ ] show again. show that one again I love that that's.

one of my favorites there is something. magical about those people oh and and. you got to have guts to go over to. people trust me they're [ __ ]. strangers let's find another one cuz we. got to wrap this up okay let's find. another find another one we don't have. to play a. second but I enjoy these deeply some of. them are so uncomfortable cuz they go. for so long oh this guy is great this is. an. LA all right this is called a. show all right I don't normally do this.

but you guys seem like good guys yeah. all right you ready yeah. funny Mother Hub went to the cup to get. her old dog a bone right yeah she been. do oh. sorry right yeah you know yeah well I. was listening. sorry no like the bone of her own the. bone of her own what do you want me to. do all right give him a third one give.

him a third one. please I love these so much so. uncomfortable oh this guy looks amazing. this guy looks amazing oh no this is no. no play that one though play that one. this is great. okay I don't believe it Billy how you. doing this is so. give me a h this is so cuz I I never got. to see you in concert you know what I. mean so this is like like a trail to me. I don't know and like I only need three.

songs from you tonight I know you're. going to do a lot but uh like just the. way we was that's one of them right and. uh the Uptown Girl thing and um oh how. we uh you know the rain we made it. through the rain that day h no what that. ain't mean what do you mean that that's. done my stuff we made it through no. that's Barry. M no I'm just saying I know you're just. saying but it ain't me no I'm no I'm.

just going to go sit and wait you know. what I mean no thanks for your time okay. you don't do that ever like for no. reason like all. right did he get mad at you for that can. do you see like the girl the girl the. heavy that girl to the right one what. this isn't watch okay I. just Joey pineapple from Christian. Singles.

Jo Joey pineapple from. glpp Christian. sing. sh but so what happens on on the. Internet is that the fans my real fans. get really pissed off at these people. going how do New Yorkers not [ __ ]. know that this is Dice well you're in a. costume no well look at the glasses it's. like a windshield yeah you can't even.

see your face but also now and then I do. put up a real fan because you know I. can't have people think nobody knows me. you know what I mean so I like destroy. my own career by doing this so we're. trying to sell that show and um so I. just want to tell you about with with. Doug Ellen because it meant because of. these shots I've had in my life that. like I said he was getting ready to do. and and trust me none of these people. ask me to talk about I'm talking about.

it because it meant the world to me and. because we've talked about my acting you. know and so when they were doing the. last this is why I told you how great I. thought you were when they were doing. the last season of Entourage I meet with. Doug at the Soho house and he goes. listen listen he goes tell me what's. been going on in your life I haven't. seen you a lot you know and I told him. it's been tough it that was a really. downtime I never hurt for making a.

living because of all the millions of. people I entertained so there's always a. core audience but I wasn't up there. where I was at top of mine type of thing. so he goes listen to me he goes I'm just. going to tell you the truth I remember. where I was when the danger field. special ed he goes to me you're the. greatest comic ever hands down he goes. I'm giving you the last season of. Entourage and he goes and that's going.

to air and wait till you see because he. knew that I loved acting he goes wait. till you see where your career goes and. the minute that thing aired it was like. the Rodney special number one I did a. special right after it called. indestructible that I had my sons that. have um still Rebel band uh you know. open the show and they got to play one. of their songs and they were. phenomenal and I know we're rapping up.

but they're called it still Rebel band. people could go and look at them but. they're great musicians and so that was. a thrill to do the special with my. family and have Eleanor open and bring. them on and they bring me. on and from that here comes Woody Allen. did you Woody Allan ever think of giving. dice a movie and everybody thought I was. going to be nominated for this movie. with Kate Blanchett and Sally Hawkins. and Bobby canaval that's how we became.

friends so I started working and doing. what I originally set out to do in the. acting field all the way to working with. sces the greatest and then the biggest. thing I did was a star was born with. Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga and you. know I you know I would just say I'm. finally after all everything I've gone. through all these fights and because I. didn't back down from it and I did go.

after it and I'm not trying even though. I love the Rocky movies it is true that. you have to push forward and not back up. and not just oh woe is me type of. [ __ ] thing and go after the dream and. believe in it and I've gotten to work. with the greatest actors actresses. directors all the way to date even doing. you know um you know working with. Sebastian Stan in the new uh when they.

did the Pam and Tommy series on Hulu. recently and I'm going this was the. dream that was the dream not the standup. that was something I was I just started. getting good at working on myself so. even if you got to choose between one or. the other you take the actor right now. yeah uh I would choose standup because I. have been having see I do two types of. shows I play you know I do the big. stages still like Atlantic City I'm.

booked for all those I'm doing course. Diaz he does uh Sony Hall so I'm doing. two shows there in June I just don't. know the exact I think 16th and 17th of. June I'm going to Hawaii but my my. favorite shows um are the club dice show. like I'm doing for you tomorrow you know. because that's how it all started and. the fans coming to see that of fans that. did sit in the in in in the shitty seats.

you know in section 200 where I'm the. size of an ant and they're going all. right so you know for hundred bucks I. could come in grab a couple beers and. sit 20 seat away from Dice and watch him. work you know and yet and I just love it. so much and I feel I'm better at standup. than I've ever been in my life cuz I got. 45 years experience like even you know. when Starbucks started the whole thing. about plastic this [ __ ] [ __ ] who.

built a career Mr St I think that's what. I was doing it the riv you know when I. said just talk about what people. understand yeah you know talk about. getting older talk about waking up you. can't feel your [ __ ] feet you open. your eyes and you go my [ __ ] neck. [ __ ] that guy with the pillow you know. and I go talk about what people relate. to so when that happened and I'm going. no more plastic straws what about the. cup like go the the the fish are good.

with the cup but you know somehow my. straw is choking Moby [ __ ] dick to. death you know and I'm I'm eating. cardboard out of the cup now so it's. just real stuff people relate to like. when I talk about the sex and I'm not. going to go into routines but I'm just. saying being real on stage age so you. what what you're saying is you're having. fun I'm having a blast with this you. know and I I'm doing too much actually. where are you working out primarily um.

all over the country like I just did. showing places and just yeah I just did. Edmonton I just did Minneapolis I just. did Arizona right that's where you're. performing going are you working out. anywhere are you going up at the store. are you going because I I I've been in. New York mostly so sometimes I stop in. at the cellar but I'm working and doing. so many [ __ ] shows well in all I mean. it's just like oh look at this hotel. room you know it's every city the hotel.

that's what I can't take the travel yeah. you know what I mean and I do deal with. a lot with the [ __ ] Psy face and like. I said it looks good but it bothers the. stiffness you know gets to me and you. know you go to a town you want to work. out well there's a gym in the the hotel. and it's I mean your gym is one thing. you know but I I like to have the. routine you know but I love entertaining. the people and I love you know like I.

said I love the club dice shows I love. the concerts but you know and I'm not. doing I'll do up to uh I don't know 2500. seats will'll be about the max I'll do. you know but 300 seeds 200 seeders the. best you could I could go for two hours. in those places you know because the. audience is eating up like I I could. imagine I know he's gone but if Elvis. was alive and doing little concerts you.

know in 500 SE I'd be there yeah I'd. want to see that well I think all the. best Comics agree that uh doing the. clubs is kind of important it's it's. everything you you can't just do big. places and there's something about doing. the clubs like it just brings there's an. intimacy like there's a lack of both. [ __ ] Joey let me tightens up your. material I'm going to tell you when I. was doing all those Arenas and I know. you do them now um I started getting. claustrophobic right after about three.

years I I I it was hard to take so I get. a call because I became great friends. with um uh Axel Rose and Guns and Roses. so Axel calls me and he's talking like. common sense to me cuz he goes I want. you to open for me at the Rose Bowl in. between Metallica and us you know I need. you to open the show and I'm like you. know I I love you you're going to kill. it I go I I can't do that anymore I go.

it's too many people he goes dice you. just come out and look at the sky it'll. be great and this is Axel who's been. called nutty you know talking common. sense I go you're right it's outside now. you're talking about a show it was. 104 over 100,000 people 104,000 a little. more than. that and and Metallica just did two. hours and I'm backstage with the camera. and the cameras were big back then and.

I'm filming slash and he looks up you. know and he goes oh who's behind the. camera I go it's dice goes you know I. was I was just thinking like what are. you going to say when you go out there I. oh that's really helping man. 104,000 people let me tell you number. one it was one of the greatest moments. in my entire career you know and I. walked out to a a Queen We Will Rock You. So the drum beats playing you know B the.

minute I walked out I could have done. two hours the whole stadium stood up for. me I got to. chill it it was Unreal and afterwards. they have After parties that are bigger. than most concerts and it's always a. theme and it was cassablanca okay okay. with a 16-piece Orchestra and I would. always tease Matt. surum uh about you're a good drama but. you know you play rock and roll that's.

pretty simple basic [ __ ] you know and uh. but I would tease him because he's. obviously a great great Rock drummer and. uh and all Axel wanted to do after the. show was just hang with me and sit at a. little table with him and me my girl and. his girl and surum is over there and I. go all right all right let's put this. all to rest and I go over to the band. which is a big you got Marilyn monrose. walking around uh Humphrey Bots walking. around you know and I go over to the.

band leader and I go do you have the uh. the chart for a sing sing sing which is. a Benny. Goodman song that the drums play a big. part I'm. sure you know the song right um so. there's a big drum solo in that like a. TomTom big thing. and I get behind the set and I go nuts. on the solo like real big on the Tom. town like Jean Kuper type of drumming. and afterwards I come over and I hand.

surum the sticks and I go show me when. you could do that because I'm playing. the entire Arrangement by heart the. whole band is reading it off the chart I. just know the song and I know how it. goes and to. experience that kind of moment is unreal. you know and then you know I I don't. think you would know this but I was very. um I helped put that band back together.

that's why they're out there really my. son Max when he he started playing drums. he was 11 years old at 15 he goes dad. you know cuz he knew I was close with. the band he goes you know you're the. only one that could put that band back. together I go why well why me he goes. because you don't gain anything I go. what do you mean he goes you don't want. anything and I didn't you know I said. well we'll see maybe one day so now.

years later I'm touring Australia and. the minute I got there at the hotel I. was staying at they slash having. breakfast and sitting out on the porch. on the rooftop of this uh whatever City. I was in in Australia that I landed in. um the main City so Sydney uh Sydney. Sydney so I come over behind him I go. yeah cuz I was still smoking back then. mind if I smoke he goes yeah and he Dice.

and he gets all excited and we start. talking so now it gets to a part he says. I said so uh what happened with the BAM. why is it what are you doing here he. goes well I'm playing the star spangle. Banner at the uh football game today and. I look at him I go. really that's what you did a 17-hour. flight for I go that's big and he goes. what's wrong with that I go you had the. greatest rock band in the world what.

happened he goes well I did hear Axel's. been showing up for his shows at the. Hard Rock and V I said yeah I closed the. last one for him I opened the last one. for him at the joint in in. Vegas and I go so wait a minute. so you mean to tell me this band is not. together millions of new fans forget the. old fans don't get to hear the ban. because probably one of the top three.

greatest frontmen ever shows up late for. some of the shows and that's why you. took a 17-hour [ __ ] flight to play. their [ __ ] national anthem like an. [ __ ] and he starts laughing okay so. now now a minute I come back to the. States uh I called Duff who who I was. more friendly within the whole band and. asked him to come check out my sons on.

Burbank Boulevard they were playing a. club and uh so he comes with his wife. and the band was really tight at that. time this before pandemic you know and. uh and he stayed through the whole set. because let me tell you something with a. rockstar if they don't like what they're. hearing we got to get home we got a. babysitter you know the deal yeah if you. see a [ __ ] comic I I gotta go I got to. be up 6 in the morning okay he turns. around to me he goes they're ready you. know he loved the band that's awesome.

and he's sitting this close to where my. son Dylan is playing lead guitar and. singing which Dylan couldn't get past it. was amazing I wouldn't be able to do it. you. know the next day we got to Starbucks. it's me him Tom Mayu who is the road. manager and my son Max who's the drummer. in in our band and um so we're talking. about the next move to put G&R back. together so Tom is like well the thing.

is every time slash puts out a a a tweet. it's always. condescending I said well that's what's. got to get fixed because Duff was all. Allin you know he's just a regular great. guy one the greatest bass players I love. him and um so now slash puts out the. tweet that Axel's one of the greatest. you know next thing you know I'm at the.

true bador with my sons and the VIP. seeing their first show ever where Axel. you know uh broke his ankle during that. show and kept going nobody knew he broke. it you know he fell off the uh the. [ __ ] speaker that he stands on but it. always just brings me a lot of joy Jo. that they put that band back together. cuz they're so incredible you know it's. like millions of people and at the. trador yeah I was at that show I was in.

the balcony we could all thank dice you. know well the only one I ever talked to. about was uh Rolling Stone I never. needed you know really people to know. that I just get a lot of cuz my son is. now great listen it's great I'm a giant. fan they're [ __ ] awesome yeah they. were [ __ ] awesome that was my. favorite lifting music so that exactly. to the Jungle exactly jungle Paradise. City my God so Sweet Child of Mine come. on man some jams yeah guys I got to wrap.

this up all right let's wrap it up I got. to get out of here I appreciate you I. love you very much thank you for coming. here let's go I got to leave too Dice. Clay ladies and gentlemen yeah me and. Jerry are going to go eat some all right. bye everybody take care. [Applause]. [Music].