Joe Rogan Experience #1947 - Chris Distefano

[Music]. by night. hello Chrissy hello good to see you. brother nice to see you I like the. shades I know I feel like Jeffrey Dahmer. are those uh Anthony aidens Anthony. Aiden yeah dude Anthony Aiden Saint Mark. slower east side yeah I wanted to I have. a um I want it to look like a 70s 80s.

like mobster look I want that's what I. wanted to go for and Anthony was like I. got you oh yeah that you nailed it yeah. Anthony Aiden and he's one of those guys. like a MMA guy so it's like you know. he's selling these nice glasses but then. he's got the cauliflower ear and he's. got he's always got like bruises on his. face yeah I met him in New York very. nice guy he gave me a beautiful pair of. sunglasses like with like rose-colored. Shades yeah they're very nice their. transition lenses and yeah mine too and. the thing is with these is this is you.

know I'm going for it right and I've. went I've went a little crazy and I'm. going for it I'm just going for it I've. said you know what enough's enough. that's enough I said I'm done I'm I'm. putting on glasses I'm wearing a watch. wow and I'm changing what you got uh AP. Royal Oak oh that's a nice watch I just. came I talked to Andrew Santino and I. said I want to watch and he sent me this. link and I said but what about that. price he said if you're going to do it. just [ __ ] do it wow and so he and. then I did it and then when I sent him a. picture of it on he was like dude I was. kidding like you you.

just jumped like 10 steps and then he. said what is you're like a different. Chrissy with these glasses and I know I. said to you before I'm wearing them. every day I haven't taken the watch or. the glasses off in about two weeks. and I feel good about it now I feel. centered with who I am but it does feel. like you know a month from now I'll look. back and really regret this face why. because I think that. um um um I uh listen I'm having fun. right now it's no regrets but I'm just.

saying I know the way my mind works and. I think I'm probably going too hard too. fast like I just you know the glass is. the watch you go I got a tour manager I. don't need any of this I'm just going. just keep going what are you worried. about all right then I'll do it again. you need a coach yeah you need someone. in the corner go keep going keep going. keep going I ate a bag of chicken skin. in your green room look at you look at. the [ __ ] look I like the new look. dude because you know what this is too. yeah you know what happened is I started. to blow up it's a glow up that's what it. is it's a glow up I'm like Elliot page.

glowed up I think you look great I I. appreciate that [ __ ] bracelet on too. dude I'm not I'm I've completely went. insane wow that's not insane you're. making a little cash you're doing well. and you know what Netflix special's. doing well that's it everything's good. kids to her and the kids making some. shackles the kids let's go the kids. doing radio shitty musical kids doing. Radio City Music Halls folks September. 22nd I mean that's see for a New Yorker. that's like that's the thing that's the. place you go to Radio City and and it's.

and it's been amazing yeah that's uh. yeah and it's been amazing um we're on. we sold 4 500 tickets the first week so. that's amazing it's like mind-blowing. for me so um that place is so I didn't. Roy Jones Jr have a fight there once. when Roy Jones Jr was just murking. people Roy Jones Jr put on a fight I'm. pretty sure he did it there yes he did. it at some iconic venue in New York City. and Radio City Music Hall is one of the. the the Peaks it's when I started comedy.

I've and still yeah it is there it is. yeah Roy Jones Jr produced a radio City. spectacular who did he fight. that was when what's that oh that's. right even fighting one-handed that was. yeah well that was when Roy Jones Jr was. just the [ __ ] king of the world yeah. people forgot like he had to make a song. called y'all must have forgot he did it. literally he made a song called y'all. must have forgot because people forgot. right that he was the [ __ ] man there.

was a period of time and this is the. thing about Fighters. you can't keep it up forever it's. impossible and a lot of times we think. about Fighters as who they were at the. end of their career right when their. bodies were failing and they had too. much mileage on the tank it's like on on. the the odometer rather. Roy Jones Jr when he was in his peak in. his prime was as good as anybody that's. ever laced on yeah I agree did you watch. the Paul Fury fight yesterday yes I did. yeah what'd you think I thought it was a.

very good fight and it's it confirmed. two things that I've been saying for a. long time one Jake Paul is 100 legit. people that think he's not legit he's. conning you he's conning you with his. Antics he's conning you with his his uh. online Persona and the [ __ ] talking and. the marketing but if you didn't have any. of that and me as an analyst like I. that's one of my jobs I analyzed mixed. martial arts I'm not boxing analyst but. I understand it right when I watch him. move around it's 100 legit when I saw. him knock out Tyron Woodley I'm like.

that is a [ __ ] dangerous man yeah a. hundred percent yeah he's well I was. watching it illegally on uh why don't. you pay for it you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ]. I didn't know I I because I I ran out of. money I bought too many glasses. it all on the watch. no because I didn't even know I love. sports and stuff but I'm not into not. that I'm not into boxing I just don't. ever like watch it that much and so the. the guy that I'm with you was like oh. the fight's happening now so he's like I.

got a site and we started we were I was. eating uh ice cream yesterday in San. Francisco and Little Italy and where and. I only eat sweets once a week now so. yesterday was my sweets day nice and I. was eating um I ate I got four scoops of. gelato so I was three and a half Scoops. in and the blood sugar the way it hit. you know I was getting woozy but it's. like what I've been waiting for and I'm. watching the fight happen and then you. know San Francisco right outside I see. two homeless guys. fighting like legitimately fighting and. it was kind of one of those things where.

I swear to God even though amazing. Fighters that that you know Paul and. fury the fight outside was so much more. entertaining I mean I've never seen this. I saw a homeless man yesterday in front. of as the kid out in the green room as. my witness roundhouse kick another land. a roundhouse kick to the chin another. the other homeless guys face the guy hit. up against some outdoor dining was like. Shell Shocked like you know like woozy. bleeding from his lip and then just. scurried off and I was like oh wow and. then I bought the homeless guy who won. the fight ice cream.

gosh I swear to God but did you know. whether who who instigated the fight. maybe the homeless guy with the. roundhouse kick is like a crack stealer. I was gonna say I think most likely. fentanyl instigated the fight I'm. feeling fine now would calm it down yeah. that's true too it was I don't know if. one's the last thing you've been in San. Fran but I mean it it got uh you know. it's pretty wild it was wild there in. North Beach you know Little Italy and I. was like man this is next level but I. thought my mother always instilled in me. like always buy homeless people food if. you see them buy them food and uh and so.

that's just what I automatically do and. I bought him ice cream and you know what. this guy says to me granted here just. want to fight but I came out with. chocolate ice cream he goes I don't like. chocolate I was like Jesus Christ well. that's probably why he's homeless. seriously right because of the ego and. like disagreeableness yes so I went and. got a vanilla and he ate the video oh. you did that that's good for you because. you know it's my sweet stay I just had. the chocolate good for you good thank. you that's a lovely thing to do yeah I. wish it was just you know that the. people are down on their luck I wish it. was just that yeah but this is like such.

a combination of of factors that humans. have to address if they really want to. address homelessness you really have to. address kids that grow up in the foster. care system you have to address. childhood abuse you have to adjust. family history of drug addiction you. have to address crime like there's so. many factors that lead into someone. being homeless and the idea that you're. just going to give them housing or. you're just going to give them tents and. everything's going to be fine it's like. no like you can't just like ignore that. as an issue like if you're gonna the.

amount of money that it costs to have. massive populations of homeless people. is extraordinary if they just put the. same amount or maybe more to prepare for. the future into some sort of like. comprehensive program to try to help. people that are [ __ ] up like that and. clean them up and it would probably have. to involve psychedelic drugs yeah that's. what I was I think that you probably. because because it's not a money thing. right people they have money to it's not. a cure it's not a financial core it's. these people people their minds are so. damaged by life yeah in in whether it's.

chemically damaged psychologically. damaged maybe they don't have the right. psych medications maybe they're off. their meds you know a lot of them have. gone through horrific abuse like you. don't wind up in a tent in Skid Row. unless [ __ ] has gone it's literally the. bottom of the country Skid Row is like. the bottom of the country right but then. I wonder if you get to talk to some. people and they're like we this is where. we want to be you think some people are. willingly that because they don't. they're they don't know anything else. right right they don't know love they.

don't know like the accomplishment of. like doing a thing and getting better at. it and like improving upon and realizing. that's kind of a vehicle for improving. yourself like they haven't experienced. like positive things like the life life. is like this is why it drives me [ __ ]. crazy when everybody says like whenever. anyone says like pull them up by their. own bootstraps like to tell people to go. you know figure it out yourself you know. I did right like this feel you're not.

dealing with the even starting line if. everybody had an even starting line that. would make sense if everybody had a mom. and a dad and they grew up in a house. where no one smoked crack and [ __ ]. shot at each other if you grew up in a. place like that yeah okay if we all grew. up like and we all like had a good. school to go to with good education and. nice teachers that cared but that's not. everybody's experience and until we. [ __ ] fix that you're never gonna fix. this homeless problem like I I you know. was lucky to grow up I grew up in New.

York City great parents whatever but. then I just had a show in Fresno a. couple of days ago and I said if I grew. up here I'd be a little different. because Fresno is one of those places. where I went a great time but I mean. those just just being there just being. in that City for 24 hours I was like I. don't know if this was my every single. day you might turn to drugs and it's. depressing it's it's depressing I've. drove from Fresno to San Jose and we. were passing through Stockton and I. thought I was in Switzerland because. that's what an upgrade it was from. Fresno I was like what are we in the.

[ __ ] now helps bro I was driving. through a street in Fresno and people. were walking out on in the middle of. this tree like what the [ __ ] are you. doing driving here yeah like I went down. a wrong area where it's like mostly. homeless people yeah oh no no that the. the the the Fresno skid row that I saw. was the one I think the worst I've ever. seen I'm sorry no in uh and uh was it. yeah it was uh San Jose I should say San. Jose was was really really [ __ ] bad. oh yeah um over there I was like Jesus. Christ you know you um and Vancouver I.

just went to Vancouver that was the one. where I was like I did not know that. Vancouver had such a see I think what. Vancouver and these cities are doing is. they're just putting their homeless in. one section because you know I live in. New York I'm in New York every day there. are homeless and they're spread out. through the city but you never see. blocks of tents like you see in San. Francisco and Vancouver so when I was. there I was like this doesn't feel like. the right move either you know to just. put them in one corner because New York.

they're spread out but you don't you. don't feel them as much it's dangerous. but not really where San Francisco. Vancouver they were like you know one of. the local Comics I was with in San Fran. he was like you cannot leave anything in. your car around this theater you cannot. they will break in and I saw about four. or five windows busted out which you. never see that in New York and I think. the police in Vancouver and San Fran. from what the people were telling me. they that's a district they don't care. they don't even go into that District. they just let it be a free-for-all which. I understand from the government's like. well this is our last resort but I I.

don't know that that's going to. necessarily work but maybe you got to. give them psychedelics well what they're. doing right now is not working you can't. just let people smash people's windows. it's so it's so crazy and it's you know. it's a direct result of uh horrific. police violence yes like that's what. it's from it's from you watch like the. George Floyd video right you watch those. five guys uh beat that man to death. recently you see these videos you see. the Roddy King video you've seen so many. videos so people are like over time have.

decided that all police are bad and all. police interactions are bad we need to. defund the police and this is what that. leads to it just leads to an increase in. crime it's not perfect it's not a. perfect system right right but you need. a system of Law and Order if you don't. have a system of Law and Order you have. too many people that would just give in. with no consequences to Crime right and. that's not their fault in a lot of cases. I mean we can go through that and talk. about determinism and what we've already. talked about before about everybody.

doesn't have an even starting line right. but you've got to address that it's a. problem and you've got to address for. peaceful people they have to be able to. walk down the street and not worry about. getting assaulted and robbed if that. happens all the time you've got a. fundamental breakdown of what your. Society so you just in society strong or. supposed to protect the vulnerable right. and if you're not doing that then you. don't have a society and then you also. have this crazy gun laws and everything. it's a little difficult to you're not a. lot of concealed carry there's a lot of.

like so there's no consequence of people. coming after you it's not like it's like. [ __ ] the wild west out there it's. just the prevalence of crime has. increased pretty noticeably yeah and. like I said New York was pre-pandemic. the safest city I thought in the world I. grew up there I was like it's so safe. it's insane and I always would say the. same thing about New York I would say. New York is the only city that like any. time of the day any day of the week you. feel like the Vibrance you feel the.

people where I would go to a city like. even though I love it like a city like. Cleveland Cleveland would feel even. though it's open it felt closed like. that's just what the city always felt. like and I I was like I never felt that. once in New York but now over the last. like year or two New York a lot of times. like 50 of the week feels closed even. though it's open and I'm like oh snap it. hit New York which I and then you know I. talked to my father about that you know. complain about New York he was like. Chris shut up he's like I grew up in New. York in the 70s and 80s like it is is.

nowhere near as violent and unsafe as it. was in the 70s and 80s like you just. grew up in peacetime he was like you. know you grew up in peacetime America. your generation are all peace kids. you're born in the eye of the storm yeah. he's like so you didn't see any of this. [ __ ] yeah he was like so you what you. you just had the privilege of Growing Up. in a New York City and in America that. was at at the top you were at the top of. the Roman Empire he was like and now. what you're seeing is kind of a little. bit more of the fabric Society was like. I my dad's like I grew up in the 60s 70s.

and 80s this is just reminding me of all. New York he's like I kind of like this. grittiness of this but you grew up. everybody's safe that was never going to. be real he was like and you know I don't. it will probably come back at some point. but it's going to take a long long time. but I don't know I feel like now like in. my you know when I'm even like my mom. would take my daughter to Times Square. to the American Girl doll store and I. just I couldn't believe it I was like no. I I can't I can't allow you to take her. she's like what it's I'm your mom your. granddaughter will take we'll go on the.

train and while take her to the store. and I'll be back I was like no I can't I. I won't be able to function my anxiety. won't be able to function of thinking. about you and my daughter on the train. because if there's a homeless person. down there that's crazy off his meds and. he throws one of you in front of the. tracks and something happens I won't be. able to live with myself and those. thoughts were never in my head ever they. were never ever ever in my head but now. they are and I don't know if it's. because it's reality the media something. I I'd have I I don't know what it is I. think it's a little bit of both it is. reality it has happened yeah so to deny.

that it's happened would be that's. ridiculous yeah there's videos of people. doing it right the question is like how. many of them how much do you need to. worry about it yeah and how often is. this happening it's not happening that. often you consider how many people there. are but the fact that it could be a. possibility at all right that you know. what's really crazy is like Giuliani. clean New York City up he did he really. did I mean it was a lot of people said. it was like great overreach and thuggish. behavior by the police and all the. horrible [ __ ] they did the stop and.

frisk [ __ ] what would they do they would. just stop you and anybody so I had a. friend who's he's now a detective he was. A Beat cop 21 years old when Giuliani. implemented this stop and first thing. and he said look he was like I'm being. honest my friend he's you know he's. Latino guy he's like I promise you our. Sergeant would come in every morning. talk to us about stop professor and he. said you stop each race ethnicity. religion you stop everybody equally okay. he said that's what you're looking for. you're everything is equal okay he said.

but his beat was Times Square he said. now if I went in to Times Square and I. grab a group of kids Pat them down they. have something right but they're you. know uh from a socioeconomic status that. you know is a little impoverished. whatever what am I supposed to do say oh. you have a gun and a knife and drugs on. you. um but you know I can't I I I'm not. gonna take this off you I'm just gonna. let you go back out into society said no. I would have to then arrest him he he.

said well then I would take like another. group of kids that wouldn't have. anything and then you let them go he. said and then that became like they've. brought race and identity politics into. that type of policing but we were. stopping everybody equally it's just. crime is in certain areas for certain. reasons he was like that's above my pay. grade he said but when they stopped that. stop and frisk he said the reason the. thing what's happening at least in New. York now he said it's it's we'll know. that uh somebody has a gun or a weapon. will know that they're a career criminal. we know he said but we are not allowed. to to intervene at all unless they. commit unless they act first he said so.

that creates a lot of. um confidence for the criminal and it. creates a lot of you know we're we are. scared he was like flat out I'm scared. to apprehend someone because the police. Union if I make a mistake or if it looks. like I made a mistake it's not going to. have my back and I'm going to get sued. and lose my family and lose my life so. you start to say well just we know you. have [ __ ] but just deal with it unless. you're raping murdering someone then. I'll intervene but that little petty. [ __ ] I'm not going to get involved in. anymore well I think we could look at it. both ways right right this is one way to.

look at it the old way of stopping and. frisking is easy to abuse of course and. when you think about the power that you. give someone where they could just walk. up to anyone yeah some businessman they. don't like some some [ __ ] guy thinks. he's hot [ __ ] some guy who's with his. friends he's a little too loud you just. walk up to him and go come on take let. me see all your [ __ ] I'm going to touch. you in front of everybody make you feel. uncomfortable like what what shouldn't. you have to commit a crime yes before.

the police are allowed to Frisk you and. take your stuff should you at least be. accused of a crime shouldn't there at. least be some sort of criminal Behavior. where the police have to intervene. because then they're like people are. going to self-correct and you're gonna. act differently in order to try to to. stop the cops from doing this to you. right like you you gotta that that's. like a freedom issue that's a real. egregious attack on freedom to just be. able to point at someone right and be. able to just Frisk them no crime no. nothing right like that's a weird weird.

power to give police and it's that's not. good the other thing's not good either. it's not good to take away all their. power either it's not good to to uh make. it so the cops are terrified to respond. to a call that's not good either so. there needs to be some sort of a logical. recognition of what the issues are yeah. right now I don't think that's happening. yeah I don't know what is I mean you. know a guy lives with me my girlfriend's. Uncle transgender guy TT Jerry 20 years. in prison Jerry shout out to TT shout. out TT Jerry he's lived a [ __ ].

Wildlife on your podcast all the time on. my podcast all the time haven't I was. hoping that liquor son yeah okay this is. yeah this is uh SI Este ligas tequila Oh. but before you do that I think you. should have a whiff okay yeah because. you've been wanting to have a whiff so. what is this smelling this is uh is this. uh Juju mufu stuff is this dude Juju. mufu who's hilarious he's a uh like a. super power lifter bodybuilder type. character. um he's these are smelling salts so. don't throw them away when you when you.

panic because you will Panic you're. gonna take a nice deep whiff with your. nostrils I already smell it and I'm like. let it hit you let it hit you so what do. I do though don't throw it anywhere just. hold on to it just don't panic once you. get hit don't put your nose too far in. there get in there [ __ ] so but but you. got to take me through this smell just. take a sniff put it up to your nose and. take a sniff it's not complicated you. want me to do it first. yes okay ready here we go.

oh. the new ones oh my god when you freshly. open one oh boy. that's a cool noise. stunning you didn't even get that close. no no no but that's what I'm saying when. I got there it went up and down my. esophagus and made me guard you need a. hit of this channel come on you need it. yes.

Starbucks in me oh listen you're gonna. be fine come on one little quicker I can. smell it from here I just took a really. quick JB oh I feel nauseous. oh [ __ ] you got hit they're so good new. ones are so good yo you know what's. crazy about that I just hit that I've. had neck pain for like three days. because I slept wrong my neck Pain's. gone I just uncricked that [ __ ] look at.

that there we go all right here we go. Theo Vaughn was uh he was addicted to. this he kept hitting it really Theo hit. it like four or five times didn't he he. kept going he went back. I think he hit it after the show I feel. it in my eyes yeah I feel it everywhere. dude so this is uh. tequila Siesta oh it's beautiful yeah. it's brown tequila Brown tequila so uh. thank you there we go yeah where's the.

lid the lid for the stuff is this it no. I'm [ __ ] up. oh my god oh [ __ ] the lid oh here fell. down right here oh hold on let me get it. hold on I got it. ah. there you go. we're gonna Panic with this [ __ ]. smelling salt oh it's so powerful there. you go puppy yes Cheers Cheers. that uh I've never uh I've never.

experienced something like that yeah. these guys take it before they lift like. I guess it just uh shocks the central. nervous system and then they [ __ ] go. wild right yeah but that's a picture of. JuJu mufa you got to see this dude well. you should watch actually video of them. because he's more impressive in video. he's really a crazy athlete yeah he's. not just like a power lifter he does. like backflips I wonder if they have. that stuff on the um dude I just by the. way I just saw I don't know if you guys. spoke about on the show I just saw. something when I was coming in today. that one section of the war in Russia. the Ukrainian soldiers on the front line.

have a four hour lifespan oh my God I. was like what the [ __ ] four hour life I. was like is that even how can that be. real real I saw it in the news article. four-hour lifespan but I was just maybe. that made me think of that like I wonder. if like what these soldiers like when. the Nazis used to take crystal meth. before and then just go crazy they do. [ __ ] like that I don't think they do. [ __ ] like that but they definitely take. amphetamines yeah you have to right. that's a common thing yeah it helps them. in War I mean the the Vikings took. mushrooms really yeah the viker the.

Berserkers what they would do is they'd. get [ __ ] high as [ __ ] on psilocybin. they would chew down psilocide that's. true I've seen this guy the dude's doing. a full split sideways split while he's. holding up two 45 pound plates that are. dangling from rubber bands with a bamboo. pole you know like unstable that is like. I wouldn't even be able to hold that. over my head probably I was dude is. balancing on a full split. with you know in between two chairs like.

he's a crazy athlete man he's a crazy. human being it's crazy but a positive. credit it's fun it's fun it's fun dude. and and uh and uh yeah I mean that guy. he I'm sure he I think he intermittent. fast do you think he's into intermittent. fasting a guy like that I don't know I. would imagine that changed a lot of. things dude that changed my whole life I. dropped 35 pounds I [ __ ] I stock out. of social media and I started. intermittent fasting life changed bro. good for you life changed it's literally. I just said to myself I can't give any.

more energy to things that are not. helping me right I can't give energy to. strangers anymore so I have somebody who. runs my social media Brian Moore and. he's a big fan of yours he's got a lot. to Brian shout out bro he's got hair. like Lancelot like medieval hair yeah. I've never seen a guy pull off a [ __ ]. medieval Bob like this kid but he runs. it for me now and um and dude it's. changed I I got to a point where I was. 255 pounds and I was [ __ ] around. right I was 255 pounds didn't even. realize it and I put on one of TT. Jerry's wigs like just chilling whatever.

and I got on the scale just [ __ ] I. don't know what it was doing and I and I. looked 255 and I said to the mirror I. said you look like a fat Howard Stern. right now wow and it was funny like my. family were all laughing about how it. started running around my tits you know. and my daughter everybody's having fun. and then it's on my birthday August so. just a few months ago and then I get go. in the shower right now I'm not even. thinking it's like not even in my head. out of nowhere. hysterical crying bawling crying like. something hit me that I was suppressing.

like literally like uncontrollable Tears. like snot coming out of my nose like a. seven-year-old could not stop and. something like broke inside of me and. then I think this is where the universe. comes in it's not that it happened like. I think I just had probably seen stuff. like this before but now that my eyes. were open to look I started taking in. information and I'm on Twitter like you. know two hours later just you know. mindlessly scrolling you know dealing. with the emotions whatever and I see a. tweet from Elon Musk and he's just he.

wasn't he wasn't promoting this he just. was gen it was a genuine tweet he goes. the uh zero intermittent fasting up is. awesome that's all he wrote and I said. I'm gonna download that app right now. and I downloaded this app zero fasting. app and I was just like I'm just gonna. do this for two weeks I'm just gonna. stay in a in a eight hour six or eight. hour feeding window don't worry about. not eating sweets or pizza just eat all. the food you want to eat but just eat it. in that window and let's see what. happens for two weeks what does the app. do so the app what it pretty much I mean.

Joe DeRosa makes fun of he's like dude. all it is is a [ __ ] timer you're like. talking is just a time because I could. because what basically when you he's. like you're an [ __ ] dude you're like. making it like this is from the Mayans. it's a timer on the phone you jerk off. yeah. so but basically when I start eating. like let's say I start eating my first. meals at 10 A.M I uh you know I'm eating. from ten to six and at 6 p.m I press the. button start fasting and then it starts. to go and then at at not at 10 A.M I'll.

get a notification the next day feeding. window over congratulations and then the. more time you stay in the fast it'll say. now you're in the fat burning now you're. in the ketosis whatever and so I just. said to myself I'm gonna stay to this. and dude in those two weeks even though. I was eating [ __ ] in two weeks it's. not that the weight dropped but the. composition of my body was starting to. change and I noticed I was like oh I I. ran like half a mile more I had 10 more. pounds on the end of the bench press and. then it just became like this is what I.

do now now I'm Christy intermittent. fasting but then I think I think the. glasses and the watches from the fasting. so well it's a full glow up you're doing. the body glow up too yeah and Jazz my. girlfriend hates it she's like what you. know what that she hate it because she's. like you know you use glasses to watch. the body what the [ __ ] are you doing she. doesn't like it I was like I'm trying to. be healthy babe I want to keep you fat. she wants to keep me fat wow yeah she. wants to keep me fat and I told you sure. honor Maybe not maybe she's just doesn't. want to put pressure on you yeah she's.

worried if you're going crazy with all. the watch and the glasses and the fat. that you you might snap well she gets. worried about me because I go I go. harder go home and she's like you you go. too fast with things she goes you go. from zero to 100 and I just worry that. you've lost all this weight in this good. period quick period of time and I just. worry that there's a you know you go too. hard and then something else happens. because she reminded me she's like. remember the last time you lost all this. weight this quick it was 2018 and I said. yeah and she's like and then remember. all of 2019 you thought you were gay.

he was like. that's what I I just don't want that to. happen. yeah. and that's what happened and it's true. it tipped my personality I go harder go. home and that's with the phase I mean. now with the glasses with the one with. who I am you know like I just booked. myself with the Four Seasons I said I'm. [ __ ] living and by the way you.

she can't you can't worry about things. like that like am I gay right yeah. because I've made a commitment to say. I'm not gay. um at least I have I've kind of said. because I've been on the fence a while. but I've said I'm not gay you know what. you're not gay and actually Tim Dylan. the great Tim Dylan told me convinced. you he convinced me I'm not gay because. he said you know funny because a lot of. people think Tim's not gay they think. it's a scam they think Tim's not gay. it's a scam interesting it's a scam. first patreon well so it's like gives.

them the get out of jail free pass. it's a good point oh my God there's so. many things that he can make fun of that. we can't even touch yeah okay well well. you know that's smart so maybe I'm. rethinking this gay thing if that is a. scam maybe that's the scam of the. century but he sets the move but he's an. interesting thing he said he knows I'm. not gay because even though I play. around and I'll be like you know I'll. you know joke like I I don't need [ __ ]. unless it's in my fasting window like. you know we'll joke around and whatever. but then I asked him seriously once I. was like do you think I'm like possibly. gay and he was like and and and he was.

like. and he said no he said no because you. know why you're not gay he said because. you actually are insecure about your. body he said so there's times where like. you know you'll be like oh my nipples. are fat or like and he said a gay man. usually lean in to body positivity how. sexy my body is whatever he said so. since you don't he's like I just don't. think like a gay guy would be more like.

look at how look at how imperfectly. perfect I am he said most gay most gay. men not not Tim that Tim is a different. breed because it's a scam but but but. but but but I I was like interesting so. that's he kind of gave me the confidence. to move forward and say you're not gay. well I'm glad he did that for you yeah. that's a true friend. because Jasmine has brought up that she. thinks I'm gay multiple times she saw it. on game right after sex she's just. something and I thought I laid it on her. right we had great powerful sex and. she'd be like honey like you know.

rubbing my chest she's like it's okay if. you're gay like it's everything is okay. and I'm like what do you think that like. I and then she'll never give me an. answer. so maybe that's what she wants maybe. that's what she wants you know what. that's what she wants because I think if. I was gay then there would be less worry. from her because she's because I don't. think I don't think I think her walking. in on me with a woman is a lot harder. than her walking in on me with Tim. Dillon you know what I mean right that. makes sense she would be able to accept. that one but I'm not gay that's the.

thing that's what I'm trying. congratulations yeah and and if I was by. the way I'd be supportive of it and I. would be supportive of it as well I'll. say this please do I'm going to commit. to not being gay at least to New Year's. Eve of 2023. and that's and 2024 we. start over Jamie well the New Year's Eve. of 2023. how many months is that. you can do it I can do if listen if I. can keep my fasting window in six hours. if you can keep that watch and those.

glasses on for two weeks I haven't taken. them off once Anthony Ayden specifically. told me don't go in the shower with them. I shower with them every day same thing. with the watch. he said when I went and got this watch. from a shout out my guy Yanni from. Material Goods he sounds like a guy I. would sell you a watch he was wearing. these glasses he uh we had matching. glasses on and and he's a great guy. great guy and he was like do you know. he's awesome guy he's like do you know. anything about watches I was like not a. thing he was like okay so he goes uh he. goes why don't you go around the store. and just pick out five watches that you. really like don't know you don't even.

know what the price is just pick out. what you want so I pick out five watches. and he goes hmm interesting he was like. how much do you think uh these are total. I was like I have no idea I was like 20. grand. he was like you just picked out one. million dollars worth of watches oh my. God I was like whoa wee he was like so. obviously let's scale it back he started. explaining to me the AP I was a I'm a. lunatic he started explaining to me the. AP the Rolex the The Paddock all that. and then he brought out this the Royal.

Oak and you know I I Santino had shown. it to me and I said it's a sign from God. Santino sent me a link to it has one of. those Santino has one of these they're. beautiful watches beautiful watches and. that price was wild but I said you know. I spoke to my accountant I I'm I you. know I got a family to run so I try to. be responsible financially I spoke to my. accountant I said you know is it okay to. buy this watch he said this is a new. Chrissy huh I said yeah I'm I'm I want. to live in this he goes you sure this is. not a spur of the moment decision I said. I said to my account I said [ __ ] do I.

have the green light or what I'm ready. to go and he was like you can do it it's. an appreciating asset so that's why I. don't mind you doing it you can do it it. appreciates fine do it and then I. [ __ ] did it and I gotta be honest. when I put this on there was a part of. me that was like what are you doing. Chris what are you doing this is not you. what are you doing but now that I've had. it on it kind of you know what happened. it's like I instantly put it on my. beautiful watch beautiful watch I. instantly put it on and it took me back. to 2010 to March of 2010 and I hadn't. even thought about this one I made the.

decision to do comedy I was on the. elliptical at Force Fitness in Ridgewood. Queen shout out Force Fest I was on the. elliptical working out like a stepmom. and I was hitting those calories and I. was going hard go harder go home that's. always been who I am and I was on the. elliptical and I had been thinking about. the idea of doing comedy for years but I. didn't have the balls to do it and I. said Chris if something popped in my. head I was listening in a Fallout Boy on. the my headphones it was I you know at. an iPod back then I was listening to. Fall Out Boy and I something about the. beat and the song gave me this.

adrenaline rush and I started thinking. about being on stage trying stand up. and I said once you get off this. elliptical once you get your 45 minutes. you're going to get off you're going to. go back to your mother's house where you. live you're going to take a shower and. you're going to go find an open mic and. you're going to do this now and I said. I'm doing it and I did it I went found. the creek in the cave when it was Long. Island City Queens shout out Rebecca. Trent first open mic and I walked into. that open mic if 2010 and I saw a young. Mark Norman the young Sam moral young. Michael Che all open mikers nobody knew. any and I knew they had already been.

doing it and I was like these guys are. great and I went in there did my five. minutes absolutely bombed but I said I'm. not turning back and I'm gonna go on. this journey of comedy and when I put. this watch on something like teleported. me back there and was like dude that. decision you went from the elliptical to. affording this watch with jokes and I. was like be proud of yourself don't if. you know one of my close friends like. you're a [ __ ] douche for that and I. was like you know what I'm not gonna let. that [ __ ] get in I I'm proud of this. wait a minute your friend said you're a. douche you're buying the watch he said I.

was a douche he was like you're [ __ ]. there's kids starving all over I was. like I give money to charity too like I. I I just felt like why are you may I. said oh that's a ridiculous hater. gesture I didn't even negotiate with him. in my head I said don't let him that's. his problem I said you're proud to do. this you're hap I'm happy about this I. feel I feel I always beat the [ __ ] out. of myself I feel proud of myself for for. letting comedy get me to this I I feel. proud you deserve that yeah and I never. really feel proud the idea that you. should never engage in any luxury at all.

it's like it's ridiculous yeah it's. silly. people somehow or another think like. that you should give all of your money. away because people are starving that's. not gonna fix anything you got to fix. things systemically you got to fix. things at literally the the level you. have to be on boots on the ground and. wherever the problem is yeah the idea. that you not buying that watch some are. keeping someone poor so stupid yeah it's. not nothing to do with me like if you.

either play in the game of capitalism or. you're not you know and everybody who. works for a living is playing the game. you might not like the game you might. think the game's unfair right but you. can't get mad if somebody buys something. nice you want to buy something nice too. people like nice things you just like. everybody has their own nice things for. some people it's a nice guitar with. other people to watch with some people. it's a nice house yeah it's not a bad. thing yeah it's like you know what one. part of me buys an expensive watch the. other part of me buys homeless people. ice cream oh you go yeah you really did. you covered both of them already where.

my friend who's hating on me he's not. doing anything what does he do works for. sanitation yeah dsny shout out. sanitation garbage men are are you know. they're out there but you know he's he's. angry every day you ever heard the quote. that all criticism is a tragic result of. unmet needs I've used that way too much. lately that's the last all criticism I'm. gonna take a break it's the tragic. result of unmet needs. that's a abbreviation it's the full. quote is actually more eloquent what's. your favorite quote. I feel like you're a quote you're a joey.

quotes I don't have a favorite quote I. mean it's it's amazing that there's so. many of them out there though that you. can get them off your phone. instantaneously like people mock like. meme quotes and inspirational quotes but. if you can find out about Socrates in. like a five second little Instagram yeah. photo and you you read a quote you're. like wow that's pretty profound yeah and. then you go and read more of Socrates. and then next thing you know you're like. reading his books yeah you're reading. you know uh meditations by Marcus. Aurelio wild book that's historical.

today that's sick that's my favorite. follow that's stoic Instagram oh stoic. is great yeah Ryan holiday is great oh. yeah Ryan holiday yeah he looks like the. guy that killed four college students in. Idaho that's who I thought it was I was. like oh the stomach is a mass murderer. he's out he's out he's writing books. about just being cool about everything. but did you hear that by the way with. Idol they're thinking about bringing. back the firing squad if he gets. convicted oh my god well they think he. might have killed people in Washington. state too. was it was somewhere else there was a.

another place where he lived where. similar similar crime took place and. they think he was studying. um a crime in in college in order to get. better at it right it's really Eve it's. an evil scary story yeah if all this. they're accusing him is act of uh is. accurate it's horrific that guy was out. there right dude you want to hear a wild. story so my mom had a friend let's see. if we could find out if that's true. though yeah which part the part where um. they think that he might have committed.

a similar crime excuse me somewhere else. here we go see this is what's happening. now in an intermittent fasting stomach. I'm going to start getting crazy it's. gonna uh it might get bad and you want. to take another sniff. why the hell not all right here we go. ready. oh that was deep. oh Joey went in I went. get in there Chrissy. Jamie no no Jamie said no I didn't I. didn't even get his full name out before.

Noah was coming out of it Jamie that one. burned that one fogged up my glasses. that one burned baby I get it dude I. want to lift right now I want seriously. deadlifts I I seriously like yeah like I. want to [ __ ] I want to yeah put the. lid on it I wanna I'm gonna like start. doing Jujitsu with you I don't even know. how to do it there's nothing like the a. freshie when you open them up fresh that. is refreshing yeah when you when you let. them sit for a while they lose a lot of. their potency like we had one that was. here for a few months and it had lost a. lot of kick but damn when you open them. fresh see anything about other crimes.

I'm trying I'm looking still. um I believe it was where he was. originally going to school he had said. he was Washington State yeah uh but just. did you Google may have possibly. committed similar crime in Washington. state Washington okay just Google may. have possibly committed wanted for. possibly committing similar crime a lot. of serial killers come from this part of. the country he could be May major link. to other murders this is it and this is. in Newsweek okay.

no it says um. new evidence recovered may be a major. link to the Idaho murders he's been. accused of fatally stabbing University. Idaho students the search warrant which. is reported by the New York Times. discussed several items which is taken. from his residence. where is the thing about the other cases. oh here it is attending another place. and December 30th he was arrested as. parents residents in Pennsylvania.

um extradited to Idaho where he's. currently charged coburger was attending. Washington State University at the time. of the murders yeah he looks like the. guy from the stomach but there was. something he does looks a lot like but. Ryan holidays quite a bit more handsome. Ryan's his older like media brother Ryan. holiday Hottie with a body but uh it. says Pennsylvania was sifting through. cold cases for links to him oh it was. Pennsylvania. interesting. yeah that's who yeah they pulled him.

over and it was in his parents house and. because remember the media was saying we. don't know we don't have any leads but. the FBI was following him across the. country yeah they can't just leak yeah. you can't do information they're in the. middle of an investigation of a [ __ ]. psycho but it is wild like with these. these you know he's famous now for these. murders but as you said could be stuffed. before my mom had a friend right grew up. in um Utah. seven maybe she's 18 19 years old on. whatever year of 70s 80s whatever. goes on a date with a guy right normal.

day just met him I think at the. supermarket goes on a date with this guy. and she's. um at the table with him and she feels. very like a ominous feeling looking at. this man she's like I'm looking at him. and I can see like there's nothing. behind his eyes like there's just. something that I don't like about this. guy. so to the point where she has never done. this you know I never choose only 18 but. since this has never done this she went. to a pay phone at the restaurant called. her brother and was like can you please.

come pick me up like immediately and. stayed in the bathroom and told her. brother was outside and went in the car. and left. and she was like I'm just creeped out by. this guy I can't explain it I'm creeped. out all this energy I'm creeped out. creeped out now he had this man had. picked her up from her house so the. brother had a paper route he's leaving. the next morning at 5am see some. ruffling in the bushes okay crazy right. like whatever sees a guy running out of.

the bushes ex says holy [ __ ] whatever. runs back in the house tells his mom and. dad sister wakes up says he was wearing. like a beige jacket she's like that's. the guy was on a date with like that he. was like waiting he must have been like. waiting for me right whatever. goes on life goes on what is psycho. lunatic boyfriend. three years later. Ted Bundy on the news face she was on a. date with Ted Bundy before he had. committed any murders or he had. committed murders but had not been.

famous for it yet had not been convicted. of it yet she said when he saw him he. she literally almost fell out of her. chair because she was like that look she. said that Ted Bundy about you know how. you know everyone says he's so handsome. whatever she said he would get a look. over him when he was preying on a victim. which she was felt she was being preyed. on that she doesn't even look he's like. he does not look like that his face. configures and contorts to something. that looks so Sinister that she. literally was like get me away from him. now so I was like whoa [ __ ] Teddy B.

imagine you on a date with Ted with a. young Teddy be. that'd be [ __ ] nuts dude so he had. already committed murders and so he was. already and so he was looking to murder. her and he was giving that energy out. she said you know based off when all his. crimes were exposed from what the FBI. said when she went on a date with him. let's say it was 1978 he had already. been convicted uh connected to murders. and other parts of that because his. first murders were in like the Utah. region and that's where they were wild.

right holy [ __ ] dude [ __ ] it's pretty. it's pretty nuts and then I think I. might have said this on the last one but. TT Jerry when she was in prison served. prison time with the Son of Sam she. shared a wall with the Son of Sam two. murderers she shared one with the Son of. Sam and um uh Ronald defeo from The. Amityville Horror house the man who. killed all those people in the you know. the movie The Amityville who was really. based off Ronald defeo she was in prison. with both of them at the same time and. the prisoners from Escape from dannemora.

who like that um Showtime show that they. made so she was in like real deal. prisoners but she said the Son of Sam. now this was months before the Netflix. documentary came out TT Jerry said she's. like you know the Son of Sam David did. not did not kill all those people he was. involved in a cult there were other. murderers but they the city pinned it. all on him and then a few months later. this Netflix documentary comes out came. out a couple years ago basically saying. that most likely Son of Sam did not kill.

all those people he killed maybe one or. two but there was other murderers that. just got away with it do you know the. Henry Lee Lucas story Henry Lee Lucas. well utterly Lucas they made a film. about him called Henry portrait of a. serial killer okay and it's a guy who. got arrested for 62 murders and he was. basically a Drifter and he was traveling. across the country murdering people okay. but. they think that what really happened was. they came up to him and they said you.

know hey Henry you know there was a few. people that were killed behind the. bushes in Indianapolis in 76 we'd sure. love to solve that crime was that you. yep that's me I killed them too well how. did you do it with a knife because we. found a knife yep knife killed him with. a knife yeah and this guy was basically. a Dullard and may may have killed people. like made you know a lot of drifters. have killed people but it seems like. Google that make sure I'm correct on. this I think now they think that they.

attributed a bunch of crimes to him that. he couldn't possibly have committed it's. a wild thing the depraved serial killer. who confessed to hundreds of murders see. this is it so it was more than 62 which. is what he was I think he was originally. charged with 600 people okay Drawn. Together by shared childhood trauma. Henry Lee Lucas and Otis tool became. lovers then serial killers who. terrorized America in the 1970s so it's. but but he confessed to hundreds of. murders but they think that some of them. he couldn't possibly have done but did.

he stay in prison for the rest of his. life because of it. uh yeah he I think they might have. killed him in prison I don't know what. happened I don't know if he I don't know. if he's still alive but see see if he. got um if that's a story that they got. him to confess to a bunch of murders. that he couldn't have actually done. that's a common thing though right. people confess to stuff all the time you. know I I there's a show on Apple TV was. called Blackbird it just came out last. year it's about a real story about a guy. who what his tactic would be is is he.

murdered a lot of people but he would he. would say to the police oh I murdered. that girl in that county I'm confessing. to it but then they would go through the. research and be like no you couldn't. have possibly but he would cop to it and. then the cops would be like he did that. like five times they'd like every County. he was investigating like that's what he. does he confesses to murders he's a. bullshitter but he really was killing. people he was using he was confessing to. false ones so he could get away with the. real ones holy wild right oh yes [ __ ] so.

it's like some of these guys are so. smart. I think is William Hauser uh something. this is one of the best actors in my. generation no Joe I don't know if you. know this guy this guy's acting is like. um Daniel Day Lewis level he is a. phenomenal actor when you watch the show. Blackbird you cannot believe it where. I'm like and this is on Apple Plus Apple. TV it this is one of the best shows I've. seen came out last summer this [ __ ] this. kid is literally like phenomenal and.

then and then I'm watching 101. Dalmatians a day later with my kids and. he's in that I'm like look at this. [ __ ] lunatic he plays uh Richard. Jewel yes uh Georgia Jewel movie about. the Olympic Park bombing yep wow. unbelievable actor he was also in that. in that sketch show I think you should. leave on Netflix which is one of the. funniest sketchos I've ever seen in my. life he's got great sketches in that. that guy but that show Blackbird was uh. it's unbelievable so basically what. happens is this guy who uh who's from um. he's from a bunch of movies this kid is.

ripped by the way this kid has to be. intermittent fasting. yeah. he's in the watch not the Watchman. though. um with uh with um yeah Samuel Jackson's. in it it's um it's a famous movie and. he's excellent but basically the premise. of it's based on a true story this guy. the guy the hottie with the body he gets. convicted 10 years in prison for gun. charges I think he's got out of. Massachusetts so and he was a good con. man right this is all real good con man. could you know gift a gab whatever so.

the FBI wants to pin the the guy with. the mutton chops how's Earth they want. to pin Larry Hall is his name in real. life they want to pin murders on him. they know that they've kind of caught up. to his game now they know that he lies. about murders here to commit murder [ __ ]. they know it but they got to convict. they got to get him to confess to one of. these murders because they found the. girl's body because he was killing kids. like 14 year old girls like brutal [ __ ]. raping them horrific so they say to this. kid to the to the jacked guy they say. look you got The Gift of Gab you got 10. years in federal prison okay you're.

three months into your sentence we're. gonna transfer you to this Maximum. Security Prison where Larry Hall is if. you can get him to confess to the murder. of this girl that we have evidence on. and you can get that your sentence is. commuted immediately and you're out of. prison that's all you got to do but he. was in a minimum security prison so he. would be able to either Coast through 10. years or take a chance and go to the. prison with murderers rapists and. potentially be murdered in the shower. stall. but if he can convince get this guy.

gifted gab and get him to confess then. he'll get out holy [ __ ] and that's what. the show's about and it was dude amazing. show like edge of my seat it was one of. the best shows I've seen in a long time. that's all I want to watch it I want to. watch it again on smelling salts thank. you for bringing that up I'm [ __ ]. pumped about that I've been looking for. a new show yeah oh and by the way before. let me just finish your thought about. Jerry what I want to say is the Son of. Sam thing he said you know he was a. serial killer yes and don't get me wrong. murderer you know deserves to be in. prison he said the biggest [ __ ].

lunatic like he was like the only person. who I met I was like this guy needs to. be like either put to death or kept like. in a cage like under the jail he said. was Ronald defeo who the Amityville. Horror house guy because he said he. would cook for him all the time around. the phone he would like let Ronald defeo. like jerk off to me they would put like. a prison mirror and he would like. because he was trans chairs he would. shake his ass a little bit and let. Ronald like get his rocks off whatever. he didn't care he said but every morning. he would make Ronald defeo Junior like a. little breakfast on his little. you know they had like little um hot hot.

stoves in there they would let prisoners. like Jerry after you did enough time. give you some stuff you'd make a little. bacon and stuff for him and he said. every morning like clockwork seven days. a week every morning bring Ronald his. food and say how was your how was your. night Ronald how are you feeling he was. like good I feel good I just I didn't. kill my grandma it's the only thing I. just I I killed everyone in that house. but I did not get my grandma so but. everything else other than that it's. good and cherry black okay and then keep. so he's like still he's in prison for. the and that is true the only one he did. in killing that house the grandma either.

got out or wasn't there but he was he. was like there's no Rehabilitation for. that man he genuinely believes if he. does not kill his he would say to him if. I don't kill my grandma I'm not getting. into heaven so he had it warped he. killed his entire family and he's like. that's how I get to heaven but I gotta. get the grandma and then he died in. prison recently but I was like whoa whoa. whoa [ __ ] I know it's it's wild yeah. there's people that are just not wired. correctly. and dude that's that's that's a real.

problem with this homeless situation. it's a real problem with like uh this. guy in Idaho yeah there's people that. are just pedophiles by the way shout out. to the FBI for finding that guy thank. you thank you because the FBI takes a. lot of [ __ ] justifiably for yeah you. know like agent provocateur accusations. yeah at the capitals Riot but the fact. they caught this [ __ ] psycho that. shows you how necessary they are the FBI. is the FBI they need to be there like. you can't say let's disband the FBI.

Jesus [ __ ] Christ listen here's the. people but people think like that it's. the same as defund the police defund. this defund the military like settle the. [ __ ] down yeah it's like you know when. you hear people go off they're just. regurgitating things they hear on social. media it's like what do you think the. American justice system is the best. justice system in the world the FBI is. the top the US military is the top of. the top like what are we talking about. here you know like it's not perfect no. one's saying it's perfect yeah but the. the defunding thing I don't just don't. agree I see what the results are when it.

comes to police yeah it's not a good. result no and if they don't change. course this is bad no dude I've been. yelling I yell refund the police I'm in. I I love to be trained and it needs to. be a position that's difficult to. acquire that gets respected now how you. make that shift but it's got to be like. you know people are terrified of this. concept of militarizing the police and. rightly so you don't want tanks rolling. down the street and martial law and. dictators who are essentially you know.

there used to be Governors now they're. dictators and they're controlling. populations you don't want that but you. don't want untrained people in that role. and you don't want people that don't. have a real clear understanding of what. to do in any scenario so they have to. run drills the same way they do it in. the military in the military they're. constantly training they if you're in a. special operations group like my friends. that have been the seals they [ __ ]. constantly train for any scenario. they're trying to do any any like breach.

they're trying to get into a house they. train they have that's a thing that. police should be doing too all the time. Jaco willink who was uh of course the. [ __ ] he's the man I love it I got it. deaf yeah but one of the things that he. said is like you have to train people in. order for them to be able to respond in. high pressure situations so you have to. train them of all the possible scenarios. and by the way you should be able to. have some sort of physical confrontation. you cannot be completely unskilled.

physically and be a police officer and. be 100 effective no when you see those. people when they get tackled and guys. get on top of them they don't know what. to do how do you not have any. understanding of grappling and you're. engaged in these physical altercations. with people like what Andrew Yang said. you should be at least a purple belt in. Jiu Jitsu I agree with that which is a. great concept yeah the purple belt is a. very proficient level of jujitsu yes 100. percent you should know how to defend. yourself but you should also be like.

well funded and well trained it should. be a more prestigious position I think. we put cops in the same category that we. put like teachers sometimes right we. need them we know we need them but we. don't like really care and support them. right and we only look at them when they. do Terrible Things yeah I I think too I. think it's in Germany they have to go. through two years of schooling and. training to become a police officer I. think with NYPD I think it's only six. months Germany went through some [ __ ] I. don't know if you know yeah Germany uh. they had a hard time with some bad. policing yeah yeah Germany they they as.

the kids say came out the pocket Germany. they went a little wild for a little. what can you imagine living in Germany. now and wait what did we do yeah like. how long ago was that yeah 80 years ago. yeah what the [ __ ] dude how about this. I'm from a place in New York Ridgewood. Queens right it's like Queens Brooklyn. but Ridgewood right big time German. neighborhood when I grew up like my. mom's German you know hardcore German. when I grew up it was the Germans were. like fading away but still somewhat. there there was a German man gonna live. the cross street for me like 98 year old. guy. so.

1937 1937 or 38. the Nazis sold out Madison Square Garden. yes the rally right the bakery that's. still there in my neighborhood was the. one that catered It For The Notches. because this is before this is pre. Holocaust not this no one knew what the. night this is just a political party. right so that so then when I asked yeah. yeah the the bakery in my neighborhood. what did they stand for then did what. they stand for alter over time like were.

the Nazis always. anti-jew and and about the Aryan race or. did that become that no it became that. it was just pro-germany it was we were. ravaged by Germany was ravaged World War. One High inflation so all all Hitler and. the Nazi party did would say we're going. back pro-german this everything's coming. through Germany jobs coming through. Germany Germany Germany Germany so. people looked at that and saw patriotism. and nationalism in the United States. said I [ __ ] with that I support that the.

Holocaust and all that came very quickly. a couple of years later but that was not. the message why people are so scared of. nationalism that's why people are so. scared of powerful yeah like charismatic. leaders because like that is that's a. piece of History that's repeated over. and over and over again I mean how many. times in history has genocide been. committed if you told a 1935 German that. hey in six years you're going to be. gassing and Exterminating fellow German. citizens that are Jewish they would say.

not possible that's not going to happen. but then it did just like the same if. you told someone In 1855 hey six years. from now you're going to be a civil war. brothers are going to become they would. say no no that's not going to happen and. then boom it happens look at this yep. Madison's queer Garden pro-american. rally yep and and let me tell you. something Nazi was a pro-american route. pro-american rally catered by the bakery. in my neighborhood so I know one thing. for sure at this rally they had. excellent lindser Tarts the Lindsay. Tarts in that Bakery I mean unbelievable.

how weird yeah look at that I mean yes. so that's the thing is like you know and. I get it like today's society like the. kids you know they'll just get a five. second clip on Tick Tock and think they. know the history of the world they're. not reading the books they're not doing. the research you know I watch this stuff. and it's it's it's you know no excuse. for what the Germans did it was. horrified why are they beating this good. guy up what's going on. stage yeah he rushed yeah he rushed the. stage that said um you know climate. change is real. so there's always been like antifa.

characters. well that's the thing too when you start. to get into history you realize like. everything happens it's just different. characters. you know it's different reasons why but. it's the same mindset the same. personalities so interesting look how. thin everyone is yeah yeah there's my. grandfather dancing in the background no. those are kids they're our kids but look. how thin the kids are if you had a group. of kids like that today what are the. odds they're going to be thin I know. kids look so healthy back then look look.

all the people I know people like none. of them are obese no none of them are. just look at that the guy has no pants. on no yeah he's just fully butt naked. he's they're screaming ah well probably. mentally ill too. and you see they had George Washington. in the back yeah that was the background. because they were on. the Germans and the Americans at that. time believed oh you know dude I read a. book called the Nazi symbiosis that um. kind of said that. um. the president uh you know uh Winston. Churchill and FDR knew about the.

Holocaust stuff happening they knew. about it you know they had their. intelligence right Secret Service. whatever and they knew about it but this. the Holocaust in an initial stages. horrific can't state that enough but was. yielding. medical results they were getting like. what yeah they were like different I. don't know the exact ones but there are. different types of medications that we. used today came out of the Holocaust. different types of lab results they were. because they were just using them as. guinea pigs human beings so it was. yielding results and so they were.

allowing it to happen it wasn't until. Hitler crossed the line I mean across. the line from the beginning but went. stop yielding results and just started. gassing everybody did Churchill and. everybody said okay now we got to go in. so nobody's innocent you know what I. mean nobody's innocent in the war you. know like I just did a whole I do a. segment on I do a YouTube thing called. christeries where I do a history thing. and I just did the rape of Nan King I. don't know if you know God I do know. about that so I was getting so much [ __ ]. on the internet from Japanese people. saying that what I am spewing is.

disinformation and I'm like there's. pictures and video there's pictures of. Japanese soldiers bayonetting Chinese. babies in front of their family so I'm. not it's not disinformation it's just. you have to accept history as it is like. every group Whoever has power will act. in a certain way that's not right it's a. human thing most groups do that and it's. not just one thing like I feel like we. live in a society now where it's like. only one group of people where the bad. guys throughout history it's like no no. everybody's been a bad guy at some point. it's just who had power when well I.

think we're just aware of human nature. now right in a different way you know. like if you look at the work of like. guys like Stephen Pinker that talk about. like crime in history yeah and if you. look at the the trend everything is. going to a less violent safer place to. live with less crime I agree but our. history is so filled with it it's so. filled with horrific actions in war if. you just go from the the moment people.

started writing things down they're. writing down the history of War they're. writing down the history of Conquest to. write it down the history of raids. they're writing down it's it's all it's. like baked into people yeah and if you. give people especially back then with no. internet right no way no way way for. other people to find out no way unless. the newspapers are reporting on it. unless you have boots on the ground you. have to photographs you have to have. video it's so hard for the truth to get. out so they could do whatever the [ __ ]. they wanted if they had the guns yeah if.

they pulled the and people have it's. almost like. if you put us in that scenario you put. us in the scenario of War it's like a. program that just gets activated in our. minds and we can we can murder in other. people very easily yeah there's programs. that like one of the things you find out. when you hunt all right the first time I. ever went hunting I I shot this deer I. was like oh wow like this is like you. took a Life program in the brain that. we're gonna eat this now yeah that you. go after something you D and when you're.

successful it's like you it recognizes. that there's this area of your mind that. has always existed sure there's an area. of your mind it's always existed it just. hasn't been activated by action right. and then once it hits there it's like oh. there's a historical precedent for this. this this mindset right there's a. historical precedent for this Vibe this. is the like hunter-gatherer Vibe yeah. like wow people get it when they catch a. fish when you catch a fish this is like. feeling like whoa it's this exciting. feeling yeah and it's like you're you're.

tapping into some human reward. mechanisms that have always existed. interest thing yeah see I've never went. I've never went hunting and I've never. done anything like that but I wonder if. I start I if I should because I want to. get I got one spin on this planet I want. to experience it all yeah you know I I. kind of I've never done a drug in my. life I don't think you should go to war. because we were talking about that. originally well that don't tap into that. one that I can't do because I have a. neck issue so I. to think about like you know I want to.

do the Ayahuasca I want to do things. safely like you know what about like. would you ever think about micro dosing. heroin. um I I think you would have to do it. with someone like Dr Carl Hart who. actually knows what you know what's real. what's not you you'd have to test it and. you have to be really wary about the. idea that you could possibly get. addicted to it like I don't know what I. don't know why people get hooked on pain. pills but I can't imagine that I'm above.

that I can't imagine that if I didn't. get hurt and I started taking those. things that they wouldn't get me they. get so many people I have so many. friends that have had problems trying to. get off those things after they have had. surgery or been injured. I would worry I would worry about that I. would I would wear I'd like it too right. I'd worry I'd like it because it doesn't. seem like it sucks well I think about. that with yeah I've never been addicted. to pain pills or drugs but I have been. addicted to Nutella I've been addicted. to Pizza no but I love the but it's. right because if you talk mild if you. told me Chris you can never have Nutella.

or pizza again because it's going to. cost you your family I'd be like I don't. know if I could do it I'm gonna get mad. well I think painkillers and drugs is. like that for certain people so whatever. you're addicted to even if it's positive. they it's their brain chemistry is. attached to it in the same way that you. need to eat elk or whatever it may be. well you know we're talking on a. spectrum here because the Nutella. spectrum is like the the smallest. measurement versus the heroin wave bone.

aches and you're [ __ ] shaking like a. leaf and sweating because you need to. get your fix right somewhere in the. middle of that you know is is it but I. think the addict you know is like uh I. think it's just like it's every because. we're just all different chemistry right. like isn't it wild like I don't your. brain sees might even see the color red. different than I see it but it's [ __ ]. nuts it's like no you are having a. totally different experience than me. right you know you clearly see that when. you see what people are really.

interested in you know people that watch. darts all day yeah you know it's like. you know there's things that people love. that I just don't understand why you're. interested in that at all but that's. okay like there's music that I'm not. interested in yeah and I used to think. it sucked yeah but now I realize no it. doesn't suck it's just like it's not. what I like and me thinking that it. sucks unless it actually does suck. unless there's some things that just. suck do you like the band The 1975 have. you ever heard of them no I haven't but. I have to pee so bad unfortunately I've. been drinking a lot of water lately and. I've barely made it an hour in this one.

right all right one hour so we should go. pee I'll piss and we'll come back all. right I wear this uh we up I wear this. fanny pack so often people think it's a. joke they think I'm joking like no I've. literally forgot I had it on yeah I was. like where's my fanny pack leaving in my. truck I'm like oh it's right there what. and what do you just you just like it. better than Pockets a panty pack yeah. yeah because unzip it you zip it up. nothing falls out of it so I got it I'm. hosting a show comes out March 7th on. Vice about 70s 80s and 90s and we do a. whole um thing about fanny packs because.

they were huge in the 80s and 90s yeah. like retro stuff and I'm happy that. they're coming back I never let it go. [ __ ] I like that there's photos of me. in the 2000s early 2000s wearing fanny. packs [ __ ] you this is like super. convenient just Joey fan yeah the idea. that like oh it looks stupid okay then I. look stupid I don't care I like it why. am I caring what kind of a [ __ ] cares. that he looks stupid because there's a. thing that he likes yeah other people. think looks dumb like I don't give them. well that that's what I was I brought up. you know the 1975 but they're my.

favorite band like okay here's what. happened this band a lot of girls like. them and gay guys okay but I love them I. love this band they are the only it's. the only time music has helped I was. going through a bad breakup and the 1975. helped me through this breakup and and. ever since then I've just listened to. them they've spoke to me I love the 1975. like you cannot believe is there a song. you recommend that we should try. chocolate uh I love chocolate I love. their song sex I love Paris I love um.

tonight I wish I was your boy. um let's go with chocolate let's go with. Trump going theme chocolate is the big. one oh because it's on Spotify so there. you know you could just play music here. inside allegedly no big deal what. happens what do you think of this you've. heard this before I have. yeah I don't know if I've heard this let. it let it hit Jamie you've heard the. 1975 right Jamie knows. [Music]. what do you think. the song's about wheat chocolate is. wheat okay yeah.

[Music]. cool haircut that's Matty Healy the lead. singer handsome looking fella good. looking kid he kisses boys on stage but. he's not gay good for him seriously. [Music]. not for everybody but I love it. [Music]. we're never gonna quit enough. so this song specifically had.

took me from a dark place like you were. in a dark place a genuinely Joe like I. mean genuinely like very very very the. one of the toughest places I've been in. my life that song specifically I have no. idea no Rhyme or Reason why I just heard. it and I said this genuinely makes me. feel better and I got hooked I got. hooked on the band and and I got I love. this band the only band that I've ever. paid money to see I saw them at MSG I. was so excited like I went with my. girlfriend Jasmine and she was like.

you're like the only guy here I was like. I don't give a [ __ ] I [ __ ] love this. band this how much I love this band I. found out that the lead singer saw I had. the only comedy bit I've had that went. viral is my Christie Stefano 911 story. he saw it he said not for me just not. his comedy's not for me don't give a. [ __ ] at all don't give a [ __ ] at all. even though I know the lead singer of. the band doesn't think I'm funny at all. I'm like I still [ __ ] with this band. good for you and I don't care and and my. friends make fun of me all the time I'm. like you know what I don't give a [ __ ].

that band The 1975 makes me happier than. any other piece of music I've ever. listened to in my life and I'm not. afraid to say it and you know what maybe. I am gay. maybe I am. got that sit there for a little bit. there was a lot there was a lot happened. there maybe I am you decided through. that music that you were gonna you. needed a reason to pull yourself out of. the dark and that music was like the. Catalyst right yeah so you were looking. for something yeah it could have been. Barbra Streisand it could have been. anybody could have been the way we were. two two two musicians have changed my.

life from a from from have made me go. from the light to the dark up from the. dark to the light it is the 1975 and it. is Whitney Houston. those are the two Whitney Houston's a. wild story man did you ever see the. documentary about her did you see that. didn't Joey Diaz used to sell her story. yeah yeah Ricky Martin yeah Joey Diaz is. a man I need to meet after the Grammy. you never met him he never once in my. life met Joey Diaz I know he lives in. Jersey now doesn't want to do I I want.

to try my friend Brian Morton good. friends with Joey Diaz I just want to go. take Joey to lunch I'm not looking to do. content I just want to get to meet Joey. Diaz let's talk we'll talk afterwards. okay we're Joey's going to be coming out. here when the club's opening up soon and. when Joey comes out here we'll have him. come out here too okay I would like the. two of you guys together because when I. listen to him I'm like that sounds like. my dad's friends yeah you know that that. is my father and his friends sitting. around a barbecue telling stories they. all love Joey Diaz he's the best.

um yeah it's an original human being no. no original and so I don't know if that. documentary by the way Whitney Houston I. think personally one of the most. beautiful women of all time to me the. most beautiful women of all time Whitney. Houston. Gwen Stefani and I'm not trying to be. funny a young Barbara Walters that's a. good list yep if you're into Barbara. Walters I like that but she yeah she was. stunningly beautiful but what's crazy is. that like drugs took her down like. unfortunately that talented that. talented isn't it Eerie too she died.

drowning death in the bathtub then her. daughter dies drowning death in the. bathtub isn't that Eerie that's horrible. but I don't know if the documentary. actually says that Whitney Houston was. sexually molested by her aunt as a child. which you don't ever really hear a. female child being molested by another. female child and it was Dion Warwick's. sister was her aunt who molested her and. that they believe Whitney Houston a. struggle with her drug abuse was because. she was a lesbian but but then the. scientists say well was she a lesbian or. was she molested at a young age by a. woman and then you know warped her.

sexual kind of part of her brain and now. she thinks she is but she's not very. interesting but but I personally think. that the the the the best voice of all. time and that another The 1975 I saw in. an interview once said that they loved. they were inspired by Whitney Houston I. said this is my [ __ ] band dude this. is my band and then even meet and greets. I would do meet and greets after shows. and I would just feel I couldn't. articulate it but I would feel. disgusting doing the meet and greets and. I would feel like I'm doing these meet.

and greets and I'm stealing these. people's money and I I hate the way I. feel in my skin doing these meet and. greets and I've agreed to them and I. hate them and I was counting down the. shows to when they were gone because I. said I'm giving you my performance I'm. proud of my comedy but to make you. you know charge you 25 take a picture. with me I feel disgusting I would take. the picture with you for free but it was. something that I wanted to try out and I. regretted it and then I saw an interview. from Maddie Healy of the 1975 talk about. meet and greets and I felt like he was. talking directly to me he said he.

articulated the way he articulated what. I was feeling he said here's the thing. if you're an artist and you're doing. meet and greets right whatever you want. to do is fine but here's here's what it. actually is he said instead of going. through a third party or Ticket Master. for the add-on fee of the meet and greet. why don't you take the picture with the. fan after the show and then ask them to. give you 25 cash and see how that makes. you feel because that is exactly what. you're doing and I was like bra you just. said what I felt and I stopped the meet.

and greets immediately and I have. profoundly less money and I I do have to. pay the loan back on this watch but I do. feel better as a person yeah I've never. did those you never did mean greets I. used to do meet and greets for free yeah. I would hang around and take pictures of. people I would do it at the Chicago. Theater where it was hours long line so. I'd take photos with everybody I did it. but it was a different thing it was free. I didn't I would never do that I just I. I get that people see it as an extra. source of Revenue and I get that they. see it as something that people are. willing to pay because they want to meet. you and they want to take a photo with.

you I get it all and I'm not judging. anyone yeah it's just what it made me. feel weird no it's one of the most. shameful parts of the last uh of my. career so far I didn't know any I didn't. know okay but but now you know I got out. of it quick and I hated myself talked. you into it too they'll talk to you yeah. they'll talk you into it because it's. money for them and yeah you know it's. one of those things is there's an. industry around it and I'm not judging. anybody who does it no me either I just. I can't think about stuff like that but. I felt like now you know I feel like the.

the you know doing the show having you. know the fan I believe there I give them. the best show I can so that's hopefully. worth the money for them but not doing. the meet and greet even though it's less. money I don't care I'm so much happier. I've made a decision because I don't. want to miss time in my daughter's lives. I just don't I got my kids I'm my. stepson I I just don't want to be away. from them and I understand well that's. going to come with sacrificing you may. not ever be the Best comedian of all. time or do Arenas all that's fine to me.

not missing their Jiu Jitsu and getting. to do homework with them is worth it for. me at this point in my life. um and so I'm okay with it I just think. worry about being the best you can on. stage when you're up there that's what I. don't you don't have to go out as much. as some people do they get crazy and one. of the beautiful things about living in. New York City or one of the beautiful. things about being in La is you could. always get on stage always every night. it's like there's a thing that some guys. do where they um. you know you you'll go on tour for like.

a month yeah you know and I I get it. it's a lot of money and a lot of my. friends do it yep and it's great because. it's like you just get it over with you. go crazy and then you can relax and you. made a ton of money and then you also. saw fans all over the world I don't I. can't do it I do weekends yeah yeah. weekends and weekdays I work out in town. I've always I've always done it in LA. I'll go a couple weekends a month so as. successful as you've been you you you. feel like you've where you who were.

still there almost at every good moment. for your kid you didn't miss as much I. didn't miss nearly as much as I would. have missed if I was doing the road all. the time I I go out of my way to do. little things that my kids do events and. hang with them and with family time. right we try to watch movies together. and do stuff together and play together. like you gotta like have fun together. and I think if you're if you're gone for. like long stretches. yeah I don't like being gone for three. days like three days [ __ ] with my.

feelings no no three days it's like it. makes me uncomfortable no I love like. doing stuff like I love going on vacate. vacations are some of my favorite times. because then we're with each other 24 7. it's beautiful and we get to [ __ ] around. and go swimming and do cool [ __ ] and. yeah go fishing and have fun you know. it's like you don't realize how quick it. goes by man right it goes by so fast I I. because I had uh Louis CK on my Chrissy. chaos podcast I know you've had a bunch. of times I know you guys are friends I I.

was talking to Louie and I was talking. about how my daughters and my stepson. are young right now you know we got 12 7. in one they're kids so I said I don't. want to go on the road so much right now. because I want to be with them and even. though it's costing me money and my. agent will be like you got to add shows. here I'm like no I want to go home with. my family I want to be with my family I. know it's going to cost me money but not. everything in my life is money I want to. spend time with my kids and and um and. so I said but I figure you know when. they get older you know and they're. going to not want to hang out with me.

right so I said that's when all God. willing go on the world tour or whatever. and he said you have that all wrong man. and I was like what do you mean he said. take it from me Louie's saying this he's. like you know I have daughters who are. older in their 20s he said what happens. is when they get older. yes they wanna they wanna go out and be. with their friends and do that and they. don't need Dad or Mom as much as they. did when they were your children's age. she said but your time with them is. actually so much more precious because. if they have less time to give you so if. you're on the world tour and they only.

had that hour a week to give you and you. weren't home for it well now you've. missed the opportunity for that hour. with your kids because they were willing. to give you a time but you weren't there. because you want so he said so the way. you're thinking now believe it or not. even if this means you won't you know uh. uh get to the world famous arena tour he. was like you're doing the right thing he. said Louie said he was like you know I. was on stage at the TD Louis was on. stage at the TD Garden you know he's. like doing this Arena tour and amazing.

and all that and he was like I could. tell you I just want to go you should. only go around that Arena tour go around. that top shelf one time he was like. because you realize like that you can't. live up there you got to hit a cruising. altitude you got he was like you gotta. you got to be Chrissy cruising altitude. code you got to think where am I going. to live for the majority of my career. and he was like that's where you want to. be go up there if you get an opportunity. go up there taste the air there's not a. lot of oxygen up there use the Mount. Everest example you don't have a lot of. oxygen at the top you can't stay up.

there for long but he said if you get. there take the opportunity but do it. once and then cruising altitude and have. time with your family he was like you. know there's so many moments in my. daughter's lives where I was making all. this money and doing this but I missed. this or I missed that and you know you. have it in your mind right now like I'm. not going to miss things in my kids. lives so but it is hard because I'm like. man I could you know be adding shows and. making more money and be more successful. but I'm like but I want to be in my kids. Jiu Jitsu you know what I mean I also. don't want to lose your mind yeah I know.

a lot of guys lose their minds yeah they. you know. they go too hard they're they're out too. long they're gone too too much well how. do you feel I mean you're like you know. it's got to be pressure to be where you. are I mean I I I I I it would be amazing. to get to a level like you but you got. you know you can do whatever you want to. do wherever you go you can sell as many. tickets as humanly possible and all that. and you have all the opportunity in the. world but do you ever feel like you know. like is there ever feel like you wake up. and you're like damn I don't want to be. this Joe Rogan do you ever feel that way.

well there's nothing you could do about. that right you just became who you. became yeah I don't think about like. what I can't control right specifically. I try I concentrate on not doing that. right then I just concentrate on what I. can control and you and when you're time. with your family with your you know your. family you just say I'm gonna be with. them when I'm with them and I'm going to. give them 100 and then when I go on the. road it's it's for them kind of thing do. you think like that no when I'm going on. the road I'm doing it because that's. what I do for a living I mean obviously. it benefits everybody right but it's. like that's what I do this is what I do.

and if I can bring them with me that's. great too right you know and you know. they could find fun stuff to do if I'm. on Saturday in the evening when I'm. doing my show I don't want my [ __ ]. kids to see my horrible act yeah yeah. but yeah but other than that man it's. like doing fun stuff together is it's. like you bomb these important memories. when you get that iPhone uh photos of. like all the different fun times you've. had together and plays it with music for. you yeah it's like it's not even just.

the ones on photos they just spark up. the ones in your brain but it's you know. it's not for everybody I don't think. that you know I'm not one of those dads. it's like everybody should be a dad but. it was profoundly yeah good to me like. the whole process it's been a long like. it changes how you are as a human yeah. raising children and seeing them become. adults and seeing them become these uh. fascinating human beings it's it's wild. well that's what strikes me about you is.

because I obviously you know you know. the public you know financially very. well and so successful but it doesn't. feel like you're motivated by money it. feels like I'd be like I bet you not. that I know anything about like I bet. you Joe Rogan his kid if you spoke to. Rogan's kids they think he's a great dad. because I'm like oh he's there so I'm. like how do I get you know the financial. success and also be there at the same. time but I'm I'm hearing from you maybe. it's just you know well it's I you know. I would be a liar if I said that it. happened uh like oh thank you sir. instantaneously you got to learn no it's.

a learning process and I think um once. you have enough money you have to. realize that you have enough money and I. think a lot of people don't I think a. lot of people once they they get a ton. of money they want more and more and. more like you know Jeff Bezos doesn't. say I'm good yeah like Bill Gates. doesn't say I'm good we're good we've. got billions this [ __ ] party right. but I think quality of life is the most. important thing right and I think if. you're really thinking about the numbers. more than you think about the other. stuff you're taking away bandwidth that.

your mind utilizes to get better at. stuff right you're taking bandwidth that. could be for you know hanging out with. my wife or hanging out with my friends. or I I want to just be in the it's so. corny to say but I want to be in the. moment I want to try to be in the moment. as much as possible so the things that I. have to think about the least. or like if you're making good money and. you're doing well you don't have to. think about that anymore so stop. thinking about it just concentrate on. the things that got you there and trust.

this process right just do the best you. can at podcast do the best you can at. comedy yeah the best you can at the. things you concentrate on do the best. you can that's all that's all but that's. the only thing that that really achieves. any real measurable success like the if. you're concentrating on wanting it to be. this or wanting it to be that or want. it's like I just don't think that's. positive energy I don't think that's. like well used energy I think your. energy should be spent doing the things.

you do that's why I could do so many. different things because all the things. that I do I enjoy doing like there's no. faking yeah yeah like it's not like you. know you're not counting down the. minutes like you'll do a three four hour. podcast four days a week because you. genuinely love doing this yes and it's. the same for the UFC like I'm so looking. forward to the UFC this weekend like I'm. just gonna get to hang out with Daniel. Cormier and John Annika six hours of. fights I [ __ ] love it it's not lost. on you what your life's become yes which. is beautiful I I am very very very very. very very thankful and the way that I.

show my thanks is by like I think about. it all the time but also I work. to this well you've always been this no. no no for sure yeah I've definitely. evolved and you know having a family and. having a bunch of people counting on you. it also gives you some extra motivation. and extra discipline it definitely does. but at a certain point in time that. doesn't become the motivation anymore. when you're okay so then the motivation. becomes just do your best at whatever. you're doing yeah that's my motivation. my motivation is a hundred percent just.

try to do my best at whether it's. hosting a podcast or whether it's doing. stand up or whether it's doing. commentary or just being a friend or. being a husband or being a father or. just being a good neighbor I just try to. do my best right and I'm not always. great at it I may stumble at every. single thing right in that group whether. it's comedy or UFC or whatever whatever. the [ __ ] it is it's complicated life is. complicated but I'm always just trying. to do my best well I think that's you.

know what you said before is being in. the present I feel like you know you. listen to sad Guru you listen to you. know Marcus Aurelius you listen to. anybody what they're all doing is just. giving you different examples to just. stay in the present that just feels like. the Dalai Lama all they're ever saying. is if you're in the present you're good. yeah you can do that you'll probably be. better off and it's not that easy to do. no it's very difficult it's pretty. complicated because like the things that. we've talked about today like the the. anxiety and the fact that like I think a. really positive move for you is getting.

off social media yeah I recommend that. to so many people and it's not that. there's bad people that you interact. with it's just people interact in a bad. way in these things and I would have. done it too I'm not a hypocrite if I was. 15 16 years old and had a Twitter. account oh my God the main [ __ ] that I. would say to Krista Stefano I don't. order me or to [ __ ] Bobby Lee or. anybody all right it's it's natural you. know what I've noticed too with getting. off social media just from from now. being you know pretty significant uh a. Time seven months is what I've learned.

is one of my favorite quotes Teddy. Roosevelt this uh comparison is the. thief of Joy right I love that quote. great one I love that and what I. realized is with being off social media. you know I think the reason why I've. been able to stick to this diet plan. exercise plan and keep you know myself. relatively healthy is because I'm not. comparing I'm not on social media. scrolling comparing myself to you know. somebody who's jacked and ripped you. know somebody who's going above and. beyond and then and then what happens is. subconsciously I would be you know uh.

five pounds into a weight loss program. and see if somebody being jacked and. ripped and be like well I'm not doing. what they're doing so [ __ ] it why and. then whatever where now I don't compare. my the only I only compare myself to me. from yesterday I live my life in one day. increments because the biggest thing. that I notice about being on social. media is not about comparing myself to. others which is very negative. is comparing myself to me I would. compare myself to me all the time and. that would make me depressed I would. look at myself from six months ago some. perfectly crafted picture that I forgot.

about and say you look good back then. Chris what the [ __ ] were you doing then. and then you look yourself in the mirror. now you say I don't like this Chris. because you're comparing yourself to a. real an unrealistic version of you a. perfectly crafted version of you and I. didn't realize that and then the other. big thing is people talk a lot about the. negative comments that we see as you. know whatever on social media it was the. positive comments that were throwing off. my mental my mental state to the. positive comments were also putting me. into an overdrive that was not helping.

me at all so now I don't see anybody the. only person I ever see that says. anything positively or negative negative. to me exists in the real realm exists in. the Physical Realm not in the social. media realm and that has profoundly. changed my brain chemistry dude me and. my girl Jasmine you know we were having. some rough times the last time I came in. here we were thinking maybe we're gonna. go back to cold parenting whatever we. are as close as we've ever been in the. last eight years because now I would. also didn't even realize like I would. see oh you know innocently.

subconsciously a woman on social media. that was a you know a fitness instructor. and a medical doctor and I would be like. start the subconscious thing well. wouldn't my life be easier with her. wouldn't it blah blah blah blah blah and. then and then it would cause a fight. subconsciously with Jasmine and blah. blah blah blah blah and then I got off. of that I didn't see anything at all. ever except what I noticed was how. beautiful a person Jasmine was how lucky. I was to have Jasmine that's what I. noticed being off social media because I. blocked everything else out and I said.

what I have my whole Dr everything I've. dreamed of in life to have a beautiful. woman a beautiful partner a beautiful. mother and my children is right here. she's not on Instagram and uh [ __ ]. Sweden you know she's right here and. then I just noticed all those things. that I my subconscious would cloud my. mind with from the social media feed in. the algorithm them were gone and I was. like I see her fur has beautifully. perfect and imperfect she is as me and. that's what I saw and I'm gay that's. amazing yeah have you seen what what.

social media is doing to people is. really profound because that kind of. honesty that you just experienced that. you just expressed rather that's it's. very hard for people to to recognize in. themselves sometimes yeah but I. guarantee that's going on all over the. world yeah it's it's just it's influence. it does a thing to the mind yeah that. confuses the mind with real life and it. does it in this weird way and now it's. doing it with like filters have you seen. these new filters yeah it's horrifying.

somebody sent me oh Bridget fettes he. sent me this is uh not Bridgette fantasy. I love her to death yeah it was her or. uh it might have been Megan Murphy one. of them sent this thing there's a new. tick tock filter and it it puts makeup. on women like so you could be completely. unmade up yeah and it'll be perfect. makeup and it used to be see like if you. had the filter on and you moved your. hand in front of your mouth that the. lips would go over your hand it would be. cartoonish hilarious because it's so.

obvious that they're using these filters. right now it doesn't happen anymore. right now everything's seamless and the. AI is better or the the computer. algorithm or whatever is better whatever. it is it's doing this is better and if. you see it it's wild yeah do you know. where it is I could send it to you if. you. you got it well do you worry about this. woman is doing this and it's so crazy. like look at this oh look play it play. it a little bit so we can hear it. do that with an old filter and you would.

see the lashes on your hand like it. would glitch but look how perfect this. is I'm wearing no makeup right now this. is all a filter. and it's just scary because. there's a lot of girls out there that. don't realize when someone's got a. filter on and they're chasing Perfection. because that's what they think everybody. looks like and this is not what people. look like so this is. very scary. I think that terrifying what she just.

showed is the future you're not going to. be able to tell at all who I mean face. swaps are going to be indistinguishable. yeah fakes deep fakes indistinguishable. they've already done podcasts with me. and Steve Jobs. yeah it's just a they they put it into a. computer and the computer will say. anything you want to it sounded as real. as can be and now you can have his face. moving to those words you have my face. moving to those words is this a lady. doing this as well again so that's what. she really looks like and so she would.

did both which is good of her. because that's what I was curious like. what is the difference. yeah but it's a bit but that's a. difference it could be that's just they. could do that with makeup but as a. parent how do you is it just staying in. the present and saying I hope my. children don't kind of fall victim to. this or how do you reconcile that. they're in a new world you know and this. you know people there's two schools of. thought there's a school of thought that. you should keep your children away from.

social media and there's a school of. thought is everyone has social media. everyone has social media you have it. the kids have it like maybe let them. have experience in it and maybe they're. gonna be okay like we always want to. think that while these kids are this new. rock and roll music what are they gonna. that's gonna ruin childhood right and. then we thought that in the 60s with. drugs and we thought that it throughout. with disco people always think kids are. going to ruin their [ __ ] lives this. is the most profound change that human. beings have ever experienced in terms of.

their access to information the way they. get educated the the way they're. experiencing different things that are. happening all over the world world all. at once it's a profound shift in human. consciousness and these kids are going. to be so much more advanced than us in. terms of their ability to understand. things okay it's a different road but. it's it's a different Road like the road. between people that invented Agriculture. and the road with people at. hunter-gatherer tribes worrying about. invading ones got it like it's New Roads.

and this is the new road the new road is. internet communication the new road is. social media the new road is. interconnectedness this bizarre. interconnectedness that humans have to. navigate now but but so what you're. saying is the interconnectedness we're. experiencing now at this level is the. same level that somebody in the 1600s. was experiencing interconnectedness. because for the first time they left. their Village and gone on a road and. went to another Village like for the. printing press right or yeah yeah I mean. there's been a source of these things.

that have happened and probably look I. mean my view of history is shaped by the. work of Graham Hancock [ __ ] Randall. Carlson and John Anthony West and all. these people that have examine these. ancient cultures and I have a real. strong feeling that they're right and. that there's a lot of evidence to. support it about this younger driest. impact Theory and that human. civilization like you know Egypt and the. pyramids and before that had achieved. this incredible level of sophistication.

in a way that we don't understand I. think we're relearning how to navigate. life that's what I think is happening. right now right and I think it comes in. these big waves and I think it's one of. the reasons why these waves it's like we. we when technology is at the place it's. at now where you have like chat GPT. that's writing like you could write a. whole Chris to Stefano set yep you could. write a set like you know talk about. your mom talk about you know the [ __ ].

homeless guy that beat a guy up and you. gave him ice cream they could write a. whole routine for you yeah we're we're. in a weird time and I know you can't. just denied that it exists and protect. your children from it I think you have. to communicate with your children but I. think your children also exist in this. new world and I think we can't like it's. a difficult one to navigate and I think. one of the decisions that you've made as. you've navigated and you realize hey. this is not good for me like I don't. like this so I'm going to get off of. that a lot of people make similar. decisions when they stop drinking or.

when they stop gambling yep they go you. know what this is not good for me I. gotta get off of that but I feel like. you have to let people make those. decisions for themselves and you have to. give them the ability to say like. confidently that some people have. navigated this water some people figure. out how to use it some people don't get. involved in disputes online and they. don't get involved in all the negative. aspects of it and reading all the. positive stuff too which can also [ __ ]. with your head yeah because it throws. your equilibrium off my you know my.

father you know was a gambling addict. went through Gamblers Anonymous and it's. come out on the other side great but you. know I went through a very tough part in. uh point in my life. um where you know me and Jasmine you. know my girlfriend mother my children we. broke up we were co-parenting she was. dating someone else it was all very hard. for me and I was like living this life. where I was like maybe it's better this. way and I'll go out and date all these. women and blah blah blah blah and my. father one day you know we're hanging. out I didn't even think I was doing. anything wrong and he sees me and he's.

like you could see him a little like. disheveled and no drugs no alcohol I'm. not like that and uh and he was like uh. you're got an addiction problem Chris I. said what are you talking about he goes. I was a gambling addict you look like. you look like you've been gambling all. night but I think what you've been doing. is chasing women all night I think. you've been either having sex with girls. or you've been messaging women and. you've been doing that he was like just. I'm your father am I right I said yeah. I've been you know talking to a couple. of girls but whatever I'm single you.

know she's with somebody else I'm single. he was like let me tell you something. Chrissy he was like here's what I know. about gambling and here's what I know. about life and here's what I know about. what's going to happen to you you can. beat the house 99 times out of a hundred. you beat them clean 99 out of 100. the. one time the house wins which is. inevitably gonna happen negates the. other 99. you're hooking up and you're. meeting all these strangers bring all. these strangers into your life 99 out of. 100 great no problem all good the one.

stranger that has it in her head that. she needs to ruin your life for whatever. reason has a baby says you did this says. you did that it's going to negate all. the rest you need to limit your. probability and stop bringing all these. women into your life and you need to. figure out how to go be with the mother. of your children because that is what is. the most important thing that's. fantastic fatherly advice if everybody. had a father like that and he just laid. it into that's such a great way of.

laying it down too yeah such a great way. of laying it down it's the these. patterns that human beings fall into. when it comes to addiction and they're. so fascinating they're so fascinating. yeah I was I was never around gamblers. until I was in my like early 20s around. these guys they would bet on poker yeah. they would bet on [ __ ] raindrops. coming down off a windowsill yeah my. father was a a pretty profound Gambler. ruined his marriage with my mother all. that stuff and what my father said and. he would tell me he was like you know.

when I was growing up a teenager he was. like do not gamble I don't want you to. even know what a vig is I don't want you. to know what a point cover is I don't. want you know what a spread is I don't. want you to know that stuff because that. he's like I have it in my brain and I'm. terrified I passed it to you so Pro so. still to this day as a 38 year old guy. you know with all the DraftKings and all. that I don't even know the UV said. what's the what's the over under I don't. it's just foreign language to me because. my father was explicit he was. intentional do not do that and I look. very wise choice and I listened to him.

and I don't have that gambling thing now. I do think I had that attic thing in my. brain and you know I think he had it too. I think people have it I think it makes. them good good at things well yeah and. that's what I think I think it's a. dangerous mindset it's like a thing in. your mind yeah and it could lead to. something like gambling or it could lead. to something like getting addicted to. like being the best at Guitar like I. think it's real similar so so what his. advice always to me my whole childhood. he would always say two things he said. if you're going to be an addict make. sure you're addicted to something. positive so yeah I hopefully the comedy.

and then the second thing he would say. always to me he said Chrissy if you. always call me Chrissy it would always. like make me a girl and and he would say. he would say uh your love life you're. gonna love life when you finally. understand that life isn't fair when you. know life isn't fair you'll love life so. and and that and I took that and I feel. like I did understand that in my 20s. where like you know in the movies the. villain always gets caught and oh that's. not real life so when somebody gets. something that you know personally isn't.

a good person or the media is saying you. know this person just keeps Rising. through the ranks because I understand. life isn't fair and that was instilled. in me through my father you know and and. and I think that my dad having this kind. of life like he would always say to me. you know it's something dark he would. always say to me he would say Chris. uh you know he would say what do you. want to be in life and I I would say uh. you know as a kid I want to be a doctor. I want to be an astronaut you know I. want to be in the NBA all the things. children would say he'd say oh that's. great he said here's what I want you to.

be in life I want you to be the exact. opposite of me I I want you to not be me. and then you'll be okay holy [ __ ] so you. see what Dad does you see how dad lives. be the opposite of me and you'll be. A-Okay that's what I want you to strive. for and as a kid I would laugh at that. whatever but now I see because he was. like I gambled I lost your mother I lost. all these things in my life and I don't. want you to have that and even like with. this Radio City stuff because it is like. it's almost like emotional Radio City.

for a New York guy and you know sold all. these tickets so quick and then my. sunglasses yeah wearing sunglasses I got. the watch on you know a [ __ ] hard in. my homosexuality it's all these things. and and and my dad and then my agent now. recently a couple of days ago was like. oh maybe we'll put a second show on sale. maybe we'll do the Hulu theater maybe. we'll do a second at radio say you're. selling quick baby and I'm like okay and. then and then I'm talking to my dad. and I'm like oh man the agent said maybe. we'll put a second show on sale so why.

do you want to do that I was like uh you. know he said it's selling quick and I. was like uh and he was like yeah but um. the goal was won the goal was you sold. out one right and the goal was you're. gonna spend time with your family meme. as your father your daughters will be. done by nine o'clock we'll go have. dinner it'll be beautiful it'll just be. on celebrating Radio City he was like. why do you want to add more pressure to. yourself I was like oh I I don't know I. thought maybe you know the money the. agent said this the agent said that he. said you're losing the whole point of. this he said the the simple fact you put.

Radio City on sale was the win that was. the win he goes you're doing what I. would do you're doubling up you're. double or nothing double or nothing. double or nothing stop it he said do one. I was like yeah but Dad if I can sell at. a second show then maybe the Madison. Square Garden people see me and then I. hit my real goal MSG he goes MSG will. happen when it happens stop doubling up. stop doubling or nothing that's what got. me in the worst Shape of My Life your. dad's right yeah yeah he was like get. one and move on get one get one and I.

was like wow well it's just fascinating. that he sees those patterns in you right. like it is like a genetic propensity for. gambling or a a psychology thing but. also it's like growing up with him I'm. sure like it transferred to you well the. he recognized it or not you're probably. aware of his gambling well when me when. me and you're not gonna piss again I'm. so sorry I drank so much water I'm it's. still good this is like an hour and a. half in it's like two people in an hour. and a half close to two it's always like. 145. I'll pass on pistols all right.

and we're back hello I feel good dude by. the way let me tell you something if. people want to know I mean Joe Rogan has. a at least 60 second long piss healthy. prostate. you got you don't have BPH you I doubt. you have benign I doubt you have uh the. prostate hyperplasia I don't think you. have BPH I think there's no way that. that prostate is healthy you're drinking. pomegranate juice or I don't know what. it is but you got a healthy prostate and. a very very strong flow guys judge guys.

on flows yeah if you're next to a dude. and he's trickling you're like what's. going on over there man like Tony. hinchcliffe's working out I don't think. he has a strong flow as you even though. he's looking jacked you never know he. might be one of those silent heavy hog. dudes here's what I know about Tony. winchcliffe he's just got that face Jack. looking good he would be a if he was. lived in if he had power in medieval. times he'd be a nightmare nightmare. beheading people 100 you know taking. their organs out eating their small.

intestine as a sausage and peppers Tony. hinchkiff nightmare in medieval times. but thank God we got him here in Austin. we got him subdued he can't hurt anybody. if I was a prince and I had a brother. who was also a prince who was just like. murdering people I was trying to stop. him yeah he would look exactly like Tony. Tony Hinchcliffe look at that tell me. tell me that is not that is not medieval. bloodthirsty Prince face I mean uh. that's Joffrey's cousin that's Joffrey's. cousin yeah Tony he's from the kingdom.

to the north yeah oh my God a hundred. percent dude yeah he would he would hurt. you he would hurt you in a bad way Tony. would be the greatest Joker of all time. yes. he'd be wrapped there with Heath Ledger. yeah he's just let him be himself. Tony just a Sinister fit love [ __ ]. Joe how many Jokers have they been. they've been so many Jokers no I won't. even say that Heath Ledger's the best. because I I I think Joaquin Phoenix is. the best he's the creepiest he's the.

most like uh profound the one the one. that I buy the most is the Joaquin. Phoenix Joker like Jack Nicholson one. was fun it was a lot of fun ones but the. walking Phoenix was like holy [ __ ] Timmy. D had an opportunity to work with. Joaquin yeah in a movie and and he was. saying Joaquin not only is he a great. guy but he said the acting is so amazing. that it's almost like throws you off. because you're like this guy is like. born to do this and they said he was he. stays in character the whole time which.

is tough right like as a I'm not an. actor by trade but I'm like I don't know. if I could stay in the character the. whole time but these guys do it yeah. that's a a thing that like uh the actors. are split on that I guess I mean. obviously I'm not an actor but in that. camp there's like people that think. that's the the dude from succession. who's the old guy Brian Cox amazing yeah. he doesn't like the fact that the other. gentleman with his name Jeremy Irons. right no Kendall Jeremy Strong Kendall.

he's really good phenomenal I like to. give him his properties Jeremy Strong. yeah he's very method I guess and Brian. Cox gets upset at it like he's not that. guy because this whole [ __ ] you know. he's one of those guys well I saw that. act like Brian Cox I saw an interview. with him he said the reason why he's so. good at playing Logan Roy is because he. in real life hates the idea of that guy. he hates the one percent corporate. so-and-so douchebag he hates that guy so. he plays that guy at a different level.

and I wonder if there's because well you. when you I mean I know you did the. sitcom acting in news radio but did you. ever do any like dramatic acting you. always did comedy acting yeah I did I. mean I did a couple of Kevin James moves. I really didn't do that much I mean I. really enjoyed doing the sitcoms but it. was so it's kind of similar to stand up. right because you you you're trying to. hit a punch line you're trying to get a. laugh right you're having it but it's. interactive right and if you're doing it. with talented people like I fortunately. was with news radio yeah it's a lot of. fun yeah but it's not as fun to stand up.

it's just stand up stand up is the best. and stand up is the art form I think. that is the separator The Equalizer. where it's like like you know you can. definitely sell a lot of tickets if you. go big on Tick Tock and you go but you. can do it one time around if they see. the one show and then you come back and. you're doing the same horseshit or. whatever like and there's no shortcut. with stand up it takes time like I've. I'm 13 years in now and I feel like I'm. finally just about maybe finding my. voice in the way that I'm like like. Colin Quinn is my mentor 35 years he.

started comedy in 1984 or 38 years I'm. sorry I was born in 1984. and uh and he. says man it's gonna take 15 maybe 20. years for you to find your voice but. that's all part of it yeah it's all part. of this journey it's all part of you. know he's always preaching to me like. stay in the moment write down the the. the little tidbits of a bit and and and. and don't worry he was and you know he. talks about like the out he was the one. who told me he's like you know the. algorithm right he was like you kids are. so obsessed with the algorithm he calls. me a kid I'm 38 but so he is he's like.

he's like you're obsessed with the. algorithm he goes I've seen the. algorithm. 30 times in 30 years he goes there's. always something there first it was the. sitcom then it was the reality show then. it was Cliffs there's always something. that you guys that the Young Generation. is chasing he goes all I want you to do. is get a clean solid hour of material. and that's all I want you to focus on. and that's what I try to do that's solid. advice that's what I try to do because. he's like there's always a distraction. yeah don't worry mine on the process he. told me he's also like what do you enjoy.

you enjoy comedy right like that's why. we all got into it yeah we enjoy it the. adrenaline rush that I got from playing. basketball division three but still I. played and then I I transferred that. adrenaline rush to physical therapy I. was a physical therapist and I love that. now I've transferred that adrenaline. rush to Comedy so that's all it is for. me is like I love doing it because I. feel like it's cathartic right I'm. getting my point of view out whether you. like it or not I'm getting it out it's. it's cathartic and that's what matters. at the end of the day and that's why my.

dad's advice I think is profound when. he's like hey with the radio City [ __ ]. he's like though the goal was just the. putting one on sale is just this is a. byproduct of your of what you've set out. to do so don't worry about the money he. was like the money always came second. Oprah said that once I remember I had. Mono I had mononucleosis and my mom had. gout when I was in eighth grade and I. heard Oprah say we're watching the Oprah. Winfrey Show and Oprah said the money. always comes second in passion the money. always comes second and that's always. been in my head like you'll get the. money like even if I you know I just did.

a whole you know did three theaters in a. row before coming here I haven't gotten. one check yet from either one of them. like the money will come you know I'll. remember in a month from now if I. haven't gotten paid yet the money will. come I'd get it because I loved it I. loved performing and making fun of. Fresno and you know kind of [ __ ] on. San Jose and and getting involved in the. Sacramento politics I loved it I I felt. like I was a I felt like I was playing. D3 ball again that's how you feel and so. I don't worry about them I mean I need. the money because I need another watch. but I I you know you know you I I I do.

feel like the money with comedy has been. I love doing physical therapy I was a. pediatric physical therapist I was. making fifty three thousand dollars a. year but I loved it you know I had. helping kids you get a kid from a. wheelchair who couldn't walk to not that. I'm you know [ __ ] miracle worker here. he's not gonna dunk a basketball but the. fact that he could stand up out of his. wheelchair and get his leg up or her leg. up to take one step and watch the. parents you know be so it's so. gratifying and you have the gratuity. towards it where I was like and I kind.

of transferred that a bit into comedy. where it's like I just I'm happy to if. one person says hey you made my day. better great even if it was 99 of people. being like you suck [ __ ] you I don't. care well it makes when I watch someone. kill it makes my day better you know uh. we were we did the creek or rather the. um Vulcan last week with um Shane and. Ari yeah and Norman and yeah the the. protective Parts guys it was so much fun. it's like just watching those guys kill. it's like it's so it's so enjoyable it's.

such a fun thing to do right like to all. these years of doing stand-up I still. love watching people kill it's so much. fun great it's so much fun I gotta take. one of those guys out to get and protect. your Parks I go for Shane a lot of take. one of them out so you can get in yeah. you can't just get in like that I gotta. take people out I got it in but what if. I had a [ __ ] what if I like that's. not really how it works it would be a. different thing protect our Parks is us. you got to come up with another thing. what about um what about protect our.

Rivers. what if I did the aqua version of it how. about protect our egos yeah protect our. egos now do chain chain Mark and by the. way Ari shaffir Mark Mark I started you. know with Shane is goes without saying. how great he is but Ari Ari is one of. those Ari is one of those guys in my. comedy generation who's a a bit older. who is like um you know as much as Colin. Quinn is my Elder and Arias too Ari dude. Ari because Ari's lived that life that.

comic life where he eats sleeps and. breeds comedy he's got advice for every. situation you could come to a situation. with Ari and he's been through it he's. lived it and he's come out the other. side and he's got so much positive. advice because Ari is a guy that I find. when I'm really struggling multiple and. he would admit he would tell you there's. been multiple times in my life over the. past year I've struggled a little bit. about you know I had a tweet that got. out of uh Tick Tock I'm sorry that I was. getting attacked for by the Mexican. Community I had this happened to me and.

Ari is just a guy who talks to you about. out what he kind of his advice is always. the same he's always like dude just let. it happen to you think Time Time Heals. all wounds let it happen to you stay in. the moment you'll be fine Ari's one of. those guys who like I lean on at times. to text him when I'm going through some. [ __ ] and Ari always has at least Sound. Advice to help me get through on the. other side he's very smart he's very. very smart he's you know and also he's. also experienced like Redemption with. this Jew special yeah his Jew special is. so good that special is so [ __ ] tight.

and so solid and he crafted it for so. long it was like his best work to me the. two best specials no disrespect to any. other comic but the two best specials to. me that I looked at of the last year and. I was like those two specials are the. [ __ ] and that's what I gotta strive for. if I want to try to keep up what's the. other one Chill by R shaffir and blocks. by Neil Brennan oh I haven't seen blocks. blocks by now because they're thematic. they have it's not just going up there. and doing 60 Minutes of material which I. think is fine but I think in today's.

world You Gotta Give an audience member. a reason to stay around to the 60th. minute and because of this ADHD Society. we live in and I think Ari shafir and. Neil Brennan did in my opinion the best. job of that all year where I said I. gotta watch this to the end because I. gotta I'm learning about I'm learning. and laughing and then Neil Brennan I. gotta stay to the end because he's. giving me uh this uh you know kind of um. mental health advice that's like so. profound in a funny way yeah Neil is a. very smart dude like yeah kind of creepy.

smart sometimes yes but he's um he's. also like real honest about all the. weird mental struggles that he's gone. through and all the different things. yeah and psychedelic drugs apparently. had a very profound effect on him he. talks about that that and he talked. about uh he did that like that brain. scramble thing it was well they used. it's some sort of magnetism they use it. with people and it kind of rewires your. brain he did a lot of things he did uh. ketamine therapy. which is wild he told me that was he he.

goes I thought it was going to be like. really mild because it was a full-blown. trip like tripping balls yeah in a. hospital somewhere or a clinic if you. get an opportunity after you watch. Blackbird on Apple TV watch I will watch. watch Neil Brennan's um blocks because. uh it's just got a theme and I'm not. saying like like you know it's just the. Chrissy list this is the Chrissy list. Chrissy list of cool [ __ ] that I gotta. watch Dude the Chrissy list of cool you. gotta watch Blackbird and Apple tv you. got to watch you know burning blocks you. got to watch super maximum retro show on. Vice TV you gotta watch um oh you gotta.

watch uh uh Hitler's uh uh the. dictator's Playbook I don't know if. you've seen that no dictators play both. sat on Netflix it basically takes six. dictators this is what's interesting. about Netflix even though shout out my. specialist on there shout out now shout. out to Netflix you got it it's. interesting how they will [ __ ] on Dave. Chappelle easiest one Dave Chappelle and. blah blah blah oh transphobic material. blah blah blah blah whatever but in the. same breath put out a show called the. dictator's Playbook where they basically. take Saddam Hussein Kim Jong-un all.

these dictators in history all these. dictators and they basically show you. Mussolini how they did it so I'm like. you're [ __ ] on a transphobic. material that you are assuming and then. you're showing us how to be a dictator. what the [ __ ] what side are you on here. I don't understand. it is that so history doesn't repeat. itself so people recognize the patterns. they were making it cool they were. making Saddam Hussein look like he's. [ __ ] awesome just like they do with. Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer they're. making this thing look [ __ ] why do you. think I bought the glasses I saw the.

[ __ ] Dahmer [ __ ] on Netflix I was. like that guy looks [ __ ] sexy and. cool that's what I want I want to I want. to eat a guy do you think those things. actually encourage people I do I. personally I don't think it encourages. people I think it makes it feel like. this thing is okay I think it I think it. takes away the pain of the victim. because when they made I mean they. played the cool [ __ ] 80s music you. know the actor who played Jeffrey Dahmer. uh unbelievable actor you know they made. him look dope they made you know every.

time he's murdering someone they're. playing a they got a dope soundtrack of. a new band it makes it look like oh you. know me or you maybe or Jamie you know. we would be like oh you we could. understand the the pain of the victim. but some person out there in the middle. of country they look at that and they're. like that's pretty cool maybe I can have. a documentary about me people aren't. like that I don't like that I I just. don't like the. um I don't like the kind of fakeness of. like you're going to attack one side but. then do something that's maybe even.

worse like you know in America we got a. bit of a puritanical Society right like. we don't say [ __ ] or [ __ ] on on a. network television right oh no you can't. say that but we'll show an AK-47 if. somebody getting shot up we're in Italy. yeah they'll say [ __ ] [ __ ] whatever but. you will never see gone very rarely see. gun violence on basic television I watch. basic Television Once I was watching one. of those CSI shows and I couldn't. believe how gory they are very bad. so my thing is violence is okay it's.

puritanical but isn't that crazy that. violence is okay but the word [ __ ] is. not okay like you could show a dead body. with a bullet hole in it in its head it. doesn't make sense it doesn't make sense. very strange it doesn't make sense it. doesn't make sense at all what do you. think what's the cause of it is it. something that we agreed to at an early. stage of society and we just hold on to. it as being like some sort of a measure. of Civility like don't say [ __ ] don't. say [ __ ] don't say [ __ ] don't don't say. horrible words on television but you can.

show literal dead bodies you can show. people people's lives being ended right. I think personally you know the the term. I used before puritanical I think it's. from the I genuinely think it's a kind. of great great great great great great. grandfather of the Puritans who would. say you are not following in the. footsteps of God in our definition of it. so we're gonna burn you at the stake in. front of the village right I mean that's. what they were doing with the Salem with. trials they were saying you're not.

following in the footsteps of God we are. Christians so we're going to burn your. flesh in front of children but we're. Christians you're not so we get to burn. you so that's what I think is happening. in a different way today not as on the. nose as what it was in the Salem Witch. Trials but it is. you know what actually happened well I. think that there was some now scientists. today think there was a possible route. being grown that was giving people uh. psychedelic kind of mental health issues. that's a fungus it's a fungus because of.

a late Frost they had a late Frost but. is that proven proven I think so I think. it's just uh supposed and it makes sense. to people sure I'll check it out I think. they think it makes sense to people. because of the way people were behaving. was so crazy right and they think uh. it's probably a combination of a bunch. of things like people are I think. predisposed to hysteria in certain. situations in in like case famine War. disease but there's also this thing with. ergot which is a real thing they believe.

that this stuff does grow and they have. found evidence of ergot from that time. period like I think they're pretty sure. that it would have been on the wheat is. it what what how much evidence do they. have we should probably find out how. much evidence do they have that ergot. played a role in the Salem Witch Trials. I think that I think that um they think. it's pretty profound yeah it happened to. a town in France too there's a town in. France that they they had ergot. poisoning I think people died as well.

did you see the trains arailment in Ohio. the the people there are saying that. they're sounding like Mickey Mouse now. from Disney World they have like. high-pitched voices oh Jesus Christ yeah. Google oh well whatever you want but. trains around in Ohio Mickey Mouse voice. it's like a it's like a big thing oh my. God but it's horrible but but I think. that that something like that uh trains. derailment [ __ ] thing is this going. on let's hear this yeah yeah East. Palestine. you quickly learned that you don't have. a voiceless they don't care they're. gonna hush it out they're gonna push you.

through the mayor of East Palestine. yesterday at uh the Trump circus that. came to town and I'm a trump voter right. I live in East Palestine uh we didn't. need that right now but the mayor at. this press conference says Hey media go. away we don't need you anymore that's. the last thing we need we need this I I. mean I wrote an open letter to the mayor. telling them how to take care of this. situation because he's been non-existent. uh I know he gets a lot of positive I. don't know if that video has the exam.

yeah I was going to say he doesn't sound. like he's inhaled helium but but there's. a big thing going on in that part of. Palace East Palestine Ohio that they're. saying that they have these high-pitched. Mickey Mouse sounding Disney voices from. these trains derailments and they're. saying that you know there's been a few. of them that have derailed and released. these chemicals into the air and now. that they just yesterday they said that. kovid was leaked from a lab the Pentagon. has admitted it go back to that Jimmy go. back to that there's a there was a. explanation of the Mickey Mouse voice. sore throat go back to that article you. just had yeah and scroll down a little.

bit there was actually an explanation. someone was saying that they their voice. started to sound like Mickey Mouse here. it is there it is uh doctors say I can. definitely have the chemicals in me but. there's no one in town that can run the. toxicological uh test to find out which. ones they are love it 40 and auto. detailer said in an extremely high. pitched voice he said my voice sounds. like Mickey Mouse my normal voice is low. it's hard to breathe especially at night. my chest hurts so much at night I feel. like I'm drowning I cough up phlegm a. lot I lost my job because the doctor.

won't release me to go to work wow. dude that's crazy. that's like Chernobyl type [ __ ] like not. as profound but that it's like and the. media won't report on that they'll talk. about Meghan Markle it's wild to me. they're they're um they're starting to. do independent tests like people are. coming by and doing I was watching a. video of this guy there I don't know. what kind of a chemist he was but he was. explaining. um that they were going into these. creeks and you could see all this oily. residue on the top of the creeks and he.

suspected that this was this Vinyl. chloride stuff that had leaked into the. water that it was like in the air and. whatever the residue of it was in this. water water and so he's explained it's. just been like December since the. training his voice. it's crazy what does your voice really. sound like wait I know you can't tell us. but is it like that you sound like. Michael Jackson normally well you guys I. sound like Mickey Mouse yep wow he's got. a deep graspy voice normally other than. that I just go and get tested and get.

checked out. what are they telling you. look at the Donald Trump shirt I most. definitely have the the chemicals in me. oh Jesus Christ but he has to find a. toxic you believe that. who knows right if someone was trolling. imagine being that guy and faking this. that doesn't make sense yeah but that if. that is the case and and there's more. than one person that's having that. happen to them and it's just happened. recently like what's the long-term. effects on these people to live near. this stuff right is it a short-term.

thing is it a long-term thing is it just. because the initial fire or is that like. a poison waste ground now yeah that. that's what I don't know that's what. people don't know I don't I don't know. but that's why they're trying to blame. it on deregulation too but what I read. was that that was incorrect because the. deregulation didn't it didn't actually. get applied. and that the railroad that these. chemicals were traveling on was not for.

these kind of uh hazardous materials. okay and so they weren't supposed to be. doing it anyway and what happened was. one of the bearings of one of the wheels. apparently [ __ ] up got it so it had. nothing to do with any of those things. but but then they say that again I don't. know but then they say that there's. multiple other trained derailments with. chemicals and multiple other chemical. facilities in Florida and this yeah and. that's uh so yeah it just feels like I. don't know what's happening you know. well we don't know we don't know about.

this stuff until something like this. happens like this is happening probably. all the time there's probably constantly. transporting hazardous waste across the. country all the time well see that's. what I thought because like you know my. boys on my group chat will be like this. is a conspiracy they're trying to. distract us because so-and-so is. happening I'm like maybe or is it that. now that this is a hot Story the media. is reporting on every trained derailment. that happens more that's been happening. all this time but we don't report on it. but now they're reporting on it so we. think it's a bigger problem than it.

actually is right that could be it. that's what I think about it could be it. because as soon as you do concentrate on. these things then you start looking for. patterns right and there's been a bunch. of them okay look at this a thousand. derailments occur each year there you go. now it's the new climate change it's a. new thing to forget about the. derailments there's a thousand this year. there you go as high as 1800 oh my God. that's like 30 minutes today there were. 1049 such instances in 2022 out of.

roughly 535 million miles traveled. wow but it's just when it happens with. [ __ ] toxic chemicals and they have to. light them on fire right so this chemist. was saying that he didn't think it was. the wise idea to light him on fire but I. don't know what the options were dude I. gotta be honest I just took my glasses. off I'm seeing three of you oh my God. I'll stronger those glasses I'm drunk. I'm high well I've been lying to people. and telling them their prescription. they're not prescription what are they. then they're just I just I made a choice. and to try to be cool okay but I've been.

telling lying to people all around the. country saying their prescription that I. I legally need to wear these but I don't. I just tried to take it I I made a bold. choice. and uh right here on this podcast I. maybe because I'm high maybe because I'm. drunk but I'm I'm saying to you in real. time that I'm regretting who I am I'm. taking the glasses off. I'm I'm not giving it up I'm just I'm. putting in here this is not who I want. to be I'm wow in real time in real time. I'm not who I want to be and Jasmine I.

love you you know mother of my children. but I don't you know I'm not a hundred. percent not gay I just won't I won't. I won't I I can't commit to that what's. the number you think. I would say I'm 75 straight. that's all you need in this life goodbye. it's a nice Edge Joe I'm telling you. here's the thing here's the thing Joe. I'm gonna be honest with you. you know you want to take me out after. this you want to take me to the club you. want to take me to a dinner. you know if you're drunk or whatever and. you say you know what Chris I'm [ __ ].

I'm feeling it too I want to kiss you on. the lips I'd kiss you on the lips that's. all I'm saying that's not very nice of. you I'm not saying you want to do that. but what I'm saying is Jamie and the. same applies to you you want a [ __ ]. kiss on lips I'll kiss you on the lips. if you'd like me to leave the room for. you to discuss this with Jamie but uh. I'm I'm not I don't think Jamie I don't. think Jamie's gay but I don't think. Jamie's not gay is what I'll tell you I. don't think I don't think you're gay but. I don't think Jamie's not gay I think. Jamie is I think Jamie is comfortable. with who he is right now right but I. think but I think Jamie if given a nudge.

can be persuaded to have some. experiences that he didn't understand. that he wanted to have that's what I'll. say am I wrong about that Jamie what. kind of nudge you talking about yeah. what's a nudge I'm talking about I'm. talking about a hip thrust. no right Jamie are you single Jamie yes. right. now how long do you go how long do you. go until you become a girl well not to. become a girl but do you say you know. what have you seen that guys are doing. that what are they doing these uh in.

cells that are turning trans. no you haven't seen this James have you. seen this Jamie. no yeah it's like there's there's. literally a term for it is uh men who uh. have decided I mean I'm sure it's a. small number but it's enough yeah enough. that it's crazy. that. people would even consider this if. you're just a heterosexual man you. decide that the only way to get sexual. affection is to become a woman it.

doesn't even make any sense but a lot of. things that people do don't make sense I. mean but it also could be a troll well I. think an 18 year old see this could be a. troll too transmactors online Manifesto. promises since females have the upper. hand of the dating Market transitioning. from male to female will usually improve. your options when it comes to getting. sex I feel trolled control. I feel like what was that what was that. in what article National Review see. here's the thing if you were a funny guy. and you wanted to get something.

published in National Review that's what. I would if I was listen that is subtle. [ __ ] that is like subtle parody that's. really quite brilliant it's brilliant. trans and you have a name for it. transmaxing transmax is just like. because there's one if there's one that. Twitter no one has sympathy for yeah. it's guys who can't get laid [ __ ] you. figure it out who's that Twitter um with. the blonde hair in the glasses titiana. um oh Titania McGrath yeah she would do. something like that 100 yeah yeah 100. she's great but but but I do think but.

don't you think like an 18 year old 19. year old boy growing up today there's. not a there the line between. homosexuality and heterosexuality is. blurred it's not as blurred as with URI. but it's a bit more blurred with them do. you think that I think it's very. possible that what we see when we see. aliens with their genderless bodies and. their big heads right I think that's us. I think that's us in the future and I. think that we are all moving in this.

weird Direction. where we're questioning gender and we're. coming up with new ideas about gender. and I'm not saying it's a bad thing and. I'm not saying it's a good thing right. I'm saying it's a thing and if I thought. about the increased use of technology. and the incorporation of it into the. human body which seems to be inevitable. and then eventually the you won't have. any use for muscles you won't have any. use for if they can reproduce people.

with technology which is not outside the. realm of you know if science projects. like if you go from here in 2023 to a. thousand two thousand years from now of. course they're going to be able to come. up with some artificial way to create. human beings right that could be what it. looks like and that could be where we're. going it could be like this weird nature. pull towards that direction right and. that the further we get from the things. that we were talking about earlier the. horrific nature of being a. hunter-gatherer to agriculture to Modern.

technological innovations to the Future. like our T levels are dropping fertility. rates are dropping right women are. having more miscarriages it's all. there's Plastics in our bodies because. of the society that we live in the way. things are created there's all these. factors that are happening that are. leaning us into this one weird Direction. and that direction seems to be like. almost no gender almost like people just. becoming some new kind of thing and.

reproducing in some other way if we get. to a point where literally we are in. danger of extinction because human and. people say that's crazy but there's. really intelligent people far smarter. than me that actually believe this is. possible population collapse they really. do believe it's possible. if that happens if it's happening we'll. be able to stop it before it's too late. and if it is happening and it's. inevitable and there's nothing we can do. to reverse it and there's no drugs that. we find that can fix it. do you think that people would allow the.

use of some artificial form of. recreation or replication of human. beings in order to keep the population. alive I think yes yeah I think we got to. a point where the only way we can keep. the human population alive is if we all. agree to cloning we're gonna [ __ ] do. it we're going to splice jeans up. they're gonna figure out ways to do it. other because the other is horrific the. other option is we die off right that. sounds so stupid I get it because we're. living in a time where people can have.

sex and people have and you know birth. control and abortion rights are a big. issue but if we [ __ ] keep going with. whatever Direction human beings are on. right now we're going to get to some. unrecognizable place where we don't have. genitals we don't have emotions we don't. we're going to be some new kind of thing. and I think that's what's probably. happening whether we like it or not yeah. I agree and babe let me tell you babe. babe really me yeah why first time you. don't think you're a babe first time you. ever call me babe.

Joe Rogan 228 babe. babe let me tell you something please do. you know like what you just said. profound 100 on board on board the whole. way. history again we were talking about. history you know the the daily stoic aka. the idol murderer will tell you that. that he'll agree with me I believe is. that dude you're we're thinking that.

we're the most Progressive we've ever. been as as a society right now in 2023. right in in in. 1860 James Buchanan was the President. right before Abraham Lincoln James. Buchanan was the president okay. he was no known gay everybody knew James. Buchanan was gay every the society did. not care they didn't care because your. sexual uh preference as a president did.

not matter at all right now we go up oh. Pete butter change is gay could he be. the next president. 1850 1860 they didn't give a [ __ ]. interesting your sexual proclivity. proclivity to not matter at all if you. were going to be present that was your. own personal thing the height of the. Roman Empire when you know uh Julius. Caesar and all that they were having. bestiality. homosexuality was all okay nobody cared. so we think oh we're so woke right now. we're so Progressive this has happened.

in history hundreds of years before it's. just X Y and Z has happened to distract. you from the fact that you know you know. whatever whatever uh puritanical thing. has happened whatever uh extremely. liberal extremely conservative thing has. happened to distract you from the fact. that we've been here before babe we've. been here before. talk to James Buchanan if he was alive. he would say yeah I was gay they used to. call his mistress who was a man they. used to call uh uh President Buchanan. Miss Nancy they would call him because. everybody he was the only president in.

history still to this day no first lady. because he was gay he was sucking [ __ ]. wasn't Jake or Hoover gay as well. probably but he wasn't the president. that's true but he had as much power as. the president sucking dick all good as. long as you're good as long as you're in. your fasting window nobody cares zero. intermittent fasting up but but but you. have a notifications set yes oh yeah oh. baby I'm in my window I'm drinking the. tequila I can go to about 6 p.m tonight. uh uh central time Mountain time. whatever we are in yeah I can go and I'm. gonna have a burrito good for you I'm.

gonna have a little fun because you know. what I'm drunk I'm drunk I'm high I uh. off the bath salts whatever you gave me. yeah what is that I uh you'll get a. lawsuit in three years we said we're. gonna come back and give it another hit. is this a new one you want to hit me. again same one you didn't Jesus Christ. Jamie's pissing out scared because the. the lid the little glue on lid it was. kind of stuck back on again after the. Jamie wants to go on a two-week vacation. can we get him on a two-week vacation. Jamie needs to go on a vacation.

am I hitting this again you're going on. a vacation with Jamie is that what. you're saying let me ask you a question. if I hit this are we doing protect the. rivers oh. no okay I'll hit it anyway yeah he wants. to get rid of one of those guys no I'm. kidding no I'm kidding I can't get rid. of them I'm kidding I'm just joking. around. dude. why do I like it now I do a couple times. and then I like it honestly I get what. Theo Von is is feeling yeah it's a.

problem because it sucks when it hits. you but then afterwards it's really kind. of exciting. a better life than Theo Von he's living. good life I mean what a mullet good. looking kid having fun Nashville. hilarious fun to hang out with sells a. bunch of tickets yeah I like it. I like the Yvonne but you think I'm okay. you think I'm gonna be okay. right now yeah I'm a little worried. because the way you just phrased that. okay up until that moment I thought you.

were gonna be okay but I was like what. is what's going on in his brain like. what the Rumblings that allowed him to. ask that question I uh you're gonna be. fine I think I'm a fraud no everybody. feels like that when things start going. so that's normal then yes okay okay. that makes me feel better literally. everybody. some people won't tell you they have it. but everybody that's been willing to. talk about it says they have it. everybody has like a certain version of. it because it doesn't make any sense. because you see someone like whoever the. [ __ ] it is like whether it's a musician.

or whether it's an athlete or whether. it's a comedian or a singer or a rock. star one when you see someone who is. like prominent in the public eye there's. this weird thing that you have like. they're a different thing you know you. meet Robert Downey Jr that's a different. thing that's [ __ ] Iron Man that's a. difference it's not a not a regular. person but it is a regular person we're. all just regular people so when you. become that person where people go it's. Chrissy d like oh no it's just me oh my. God I'm a fraud right it's natural. normal total 100 natural I've had many.

conversations with guys who blew up who. worried about that so even you you think. everybody I don't deserve this you can't. think it okay you can't allow that. little fire to burn inside your mind but. it is a total normal thing to think of. because it doesn't make any sense the. life you get dude I almost texted you. this morning and said I can't come. tonight I almost because I said you know. what what am I going to do I'm going to. go on there for a couple hours and and. what be be a fraud well like uh you know. you know but you know I swear to God I. have that thing but that's why you're.

good it really is is that what it is. yeah I think so I think that's very. interesting I think the guys that have. that feeling they're all they all wind. up being really good because I think. that that feeling comes from this place. where you really do care and you really. want to do the best that you can with. your act and you you really want to be. on you but you're you know you're. nervous and so you think like oh my God. like there's no way I could be this. person I've tricked people you know like. I said I just just thinking all the time. when I get my name called when I was. about to go on stage interesting I used. to think it was all wild all the time I.

used to like in the back of the comedy. store like uh they'd say ladies and. Gentlemen please welcome Joe Rogan I'd. be like why are they clapping for this. is crazy this can't be real yeah I feel. that way too I find myself doing uh my. shows you know and having my prepared. act and writing the material or whatever. and uh you know giving it 100 at the end. of my set one of my last bit which you. know sometimes will get a big laugh or. whatever I'll find myself in that guys. I'm sorry I hope you enjoyed your money.

I hope you hope you got money's worth. I'm sorry it wasn't what you expected it. to be and blah blah blah blah but then. they'll like be clapping sometimes. standing up and clapping and I'm like. saying I'm sorry to them and I always. wondered like what is this but you just. kind of said something profound to me. where you were like it's everybody has. that yeah I thought it was just me said. instead of apologizing just tell them I. shouldn't apologize just tell them you. appreciate them. like and then you'll have like a an. honest little uh like engagement with.

those people and you'll enjoy it it's. like it's a natural propensity to lean. towards the negative and think about the. negative and be fearful that all this. success that you have now is going to go. away that's what people work that's what. I feel yeah and they're worried that. they're a fraud and you know you see. when one of the things that's really. hard to watch is when you see someone. who's doing doing really well and then. also they're not doing well anymore and. then they start their career starts to. dwindle and they'll start to get panicky. and people get to a weird place right.

especially guys who get like older and. it's not happening for them it's like. yikes right the the fear that you have. is the fear of the rising it's the best. fear because it's like the fear of the. unknown where is this going to lead to. you have so much potential you're 38. years old you know you're just. stand up do you think I look jacked he's. good dude everything's good it's natural. all these thoughts are natural for. anybody successful at anything and you. could ask that athletes will tell you.

that like everybody has imposter. syndrome yeah the Imposter syndrome is a. real and I don't think it's even. entertainment I think it's in anybody. who's listening to this right now like. whatever career field life yeah and you. have this imposter syndrome whatever. success you may get you don't think is. worthy right but you gotta kind of think. that you gotta you gotta change your. mindset and say no I am worthy of it. well a lot of times the the thing that. drove people to try to be big at Show. Business was a lack of attention you. know I know that's definitely what. happened when I was a child and I know.

that happens to a lot of people and that. thing that drives you to that is uh is. like a dominant Force but at some point. in time in order to be like what I would. say a healthy artist is you have to. recognize what that is and then transfer. the energy that you spent trying to get. attention to now try to get really good. at this thing you do. just try to get really good at stand up. try to get really good at the bits try. to kill try to do your best at that and. don't think about the attention anymore.

the attention is like a thing that like. gets you to it and you try so hard to be. good at stand up because you want the. positive feedback you want that. attention from the audience but then. once you figure out how to get that. there becomes like a transitioning. transitioning period where you Blossom. out of that if you can I mean not. everybody does like some people choose. to just concentrate on right what got. them to the dance but I think that like. the best way to think about it and be. mentally healthy it's not think about. yourself and attention and just think. about the bits just think about doing.

your best to stand up and then once you. do that the attention you get will be. like a balanced attention do you think. you as Joe Rogan right now is the best. stand-up that you've been in your life. right now yeah I think right now it's. the best I've ever been because I'm. doing it a lot and I'm smarter I'm older. I've been doing it longer. you know but and we're still doing. stand-up the way we always did stand up. it's like you still there's no subjects. that are off limits it's uh that's. hardship this is stupid this world that. we're living in now where people are. terrified of like doing stand-up it's so.

strange canceling people for jokes and. [ __ ] around with the way reality is. being perceived well like yeah you Louis. Bill Burr Dave Chappelle Chris Rock. these guys you know Mount Rushmore of. guys from my duration who like you know. oh these were the guys from you know. when I was a kid watching them yeah you. kind of have that. um not bravado but like kind of like no. fear kind of Comedy right you have to.

just do comedy for what you think would. be funny what what you would like to. hear and like how the like the kind of. [ __ ] that you enjoy like I enjoy. ridiculous people I enjoy Bill Burr I. enjoyed Louis CK I enjoyed Dave. Chappelle I enjoy ridiculous people I. enjoy hilarious people that have this. [ __ ] perceptions of life they could. boil down to the most outrageous [ __ ] on. stage that makes me cry laughing that's. why I love Joey Diaz yeah like that's. what I like and yeah that's what I do. and that's what I'm always going to do. and you could like it or you don't like.

it but that's what the art form is and. like don't go to a rap concert and. complain that they're you know they're. singing about money and guns like don't. don't go to a country western show and. complain the singing about the [ __ ]. Ranch and Sunset and being down by the. river you know don't go to a Taylor. Swift song complain she's not doing Led. Zeppelin like there's different Vibes. right and what we do as stand-ups is. like it's not compatible with like woke. social media culture it's just not.

so it's just not and that's what it is. it is what it is and you can break it. down all you want but if you allow that. social media woke culture to invade. stand up all you get is bad stand up. yeah you just got to be Unapologetic. about it now let me ask you a question. do you think you who is do you think if. I put up a tournament of 50 guys in. their 50s. a wrestling [ __ ] just man tournament. do you think there's anybody in their. 50s who's who's stronger and better than.

you physically in comedy no no no I'm. talking about life like I'm talking. about a physical like we're talking. about who's a more jacked 55 year old. guy than you who can literally go. further than Joe Rogan in their mid 50s. you dude you'd beat the [ __ ] out of. Barack Obama well that's not fair. he doesn't do it at all. um you know who how is that how old is. Jocko willink. Jocko's around my she might be a little.

younger than me you didn't even take. down Jaco's a big fan he's a big guy. right he was about 240. Jamie what do. you think Jaco is legit Brazilian Jiu. Jitsu black belt he's 51 51. choco is an. animal Joe what are you 53 55 55 down. 55. dude have you ever who's a better 55. year old than you seriously who's better. tell me I don't know I I don't think. anybody I think you've put yourself to. the best 55 year old on the planet thank. you very much that's very seriously. protect the rivers. I like this hard pitch. Jamie I mean do you have to take when.

you step up to the plate do you have to. try to hit home runs or what yeah not. the goal Jamie says that's the goal. Jamie needs a vacation give him a. vacation what Jamie needs a vacation why. do you see keep saying Jamie needs a. vacation I'm just saying because Jamie's. got gray hairs in his beard I'm just. saying Jamie let's get Jamie two weeks. to Aruba. Jamie has like organically programmed. himself to be the greatest producer of. all time number one in history of. podcasting Jamie he's the goat. Jamie is the isn't that wild comfortable.

look at him you got you got you have. goats you have you have you have Joe. Rogan do you have LeBron James you have. Elon musk's you have Barack Obama's you. have Caitlyn Jenner Jamie Vernon he. stands alone who the [ __ ] else is a. producer like him you have Brian Redman. but he's a co-host Brian redband's also. funny he [ __ ] around he interjects he. puts the music when he does kill Tony. he's great as a co-host right but he's. he's also the producer I want to so it's. a little different I want to shout out. my producer the homeless pimp who's. amazing homeless pimp Chrissy chaos hey. babe homeless who's amazing homeless.

pimp is in the uh homeless pimp looks up. to Jamie homeless Pampers. Mike laughing the homeless pimp baby. okay now people know he is homeless pimp. shout out homeless pimp you need a let. me word to it word to the wise anyone's. trying to podcast out there get yourself. a producer who has autism they're the. best that's a good move also someone who. you like hold on someone you like. hanging out with Jamie has autism I. don't think Jamie has autism let me.

he's also in a weird intelligence. Spectrum. I'll take that Jamie's unusually. intelligent Jamie is on using. intelligent and I said the last time you. Romney of a young John Travolta I told. you that yeah you did you all got real. confused you do look like I look like I. see silent Scientology Vibes in your. face I want Jamie to get one of them old. school Tommy curly mustaches that's what. I want him to grow I want Jamie to shave. his head I want him to shave his head I. want him to grow some crazy old school.

handlebari type Jamie I want Jamie to. look like the spokesperson for. sarsaparilla. what what Sarsaparilla it's a uh have. you ever seen the UFC referee Mike. beltran's mustache oh yeah it's the. craziest thing you've ever seen in your. life dude it's goddamn it's it's like it. hangs down to his his nipples. mustache maybe lower oh look at that guy. that's what Jamie looks like. that's real how dare you that's rude. that's Jamie in 150 years given the. current state of Medical Science [ __ ].

Jamie dude Jamie looks like he Jamie you. got Bitcoin Jamie's got a lot of Bitcoin. Jamie looks like he's invested properly. in Bitcoin Jamie's got Bitcoin in his. pocket I like Jamie's energy dude the. energy in here the karmic energy in The. Joe Rogan Experience is very positive. that's good it's very bad that's what I. want because she's beautiful you don't. see that all the time when you're. traveling around but it's got pot from. your I mean dude you know we just went. to the bathroom you're one of your. Security Guys was taking a [ __ ] it smelt.

positive. [Laughter]. positively horrific I mean no yeah he. eats too much chicken skin but. but he but positive good guy because you. know I came into the studio he shook my. hand said hey Chris how you doing you. know but but I know he's positive. friendly but I know if at any moment I. got out of line he'd break my neck he'd. he'd rip my skull out through my ass. crack you know what I mean he you gotta. make you feel uncomfortable it does. because I say you know what he's.

positive he's happy he has the he has. the capability to kill me with his. bearings if he wanted to but he's not. that guy he won't that won't happen. unless I uh uh push him into that. happening so that makes me feel good he. knows his strength he knows his. experience but he's uh got control of it. so it makes me feel comfortable right it. makes me feel it's Gonna Make You aspire. to that to be that kind of a person it. makes me aspire to that but it also. makes me simultaneously feel like I. can't do that because I haven't. dedicated my life to that and I'm too.

scared I will I still sleep to this. night if I'm sleeping in my hotel last. night I have the bathroom light on. because if I'm sleeping in pure Darkness. I always see a gold ghost or a. poltergeist or I think someone's there. oh. so I know I'm not going to be the guy. you're a security guard who [ __ ] smells. like positivity did you see that the. Mexican president the president of. Mexico took a photograph and posted say. he caught a picture of a wood elf how. Wild is that. hahaha. this dude's wild apparently he buys into.

a lot of old myths and fairy tales I. hate to do this but I'm gonna piss again. again again dude I drank so much guys. you know what I will be right back we'll. wrap will be last segment I'll piss with. you and we're back we're back dude this. is the over hydration show I apologize. to everyone I've never had to pee this. much but I feel better I really do I. feel blessed most pisses ever on a Joe. Rogan episode is with me and like I said. great prostate thank you you know we. were talking about working out when we. were peeing there's this YouTube uh guy.

follow athlean athlean X yeah I followed. right Jeff Jeff and he does these uh um. uh ERS they're called. um uh maybe it's efficient reps I think. but basically it's Arnold Schwarzenegger. and you know he's a big fan of Arnold. Schwarzenegger and I've been doing this. and I've been seeing results is he. thinks that the real hypertrophy which I. think is scientifically uh uh uh backed. the real hypertrophy comes at the last. two to three reps of exercise so say. you're doing you know 12 10 8 6 the last.

you know 9 10 11 12 is really where the. perch tree comes so what he says is he. does. uh 20 efficient reps right 20 ER so you. get an ignition set so you take a weight. that you'll fail at between 8 and 12. let's say you're doing bicep curls. you'll take a 50 pound dumbbell and. you'll fail at 10. you're failing at 10. when failing to him means you're. breaking the breaking the form and the. concentric exercise and you're failing. you know you're you're using other. muscles to kind of recruit the bicep to.

get that that's failing so he says what. you do then that's your ignition set you. take a fifth down 50 pound dumbbell your. ignition set is 10 reps boom good you. wait 15 seconds now the real workout. begins you have to get 20 efficient reps. 20 ERS in that time so after you do the. 10 you're at failure wait 15 seconds. boom one two maybe I can get four and. then I gotta take a break wait 15. seconds boom boom boom every 15 seconds. up to 20 that's one set then you move on.

to the break your radialis the. brachialis the front deltoid whatever it. may be and you you know athlean X says. you stay in that one type of workout he. has you stay in that efficient rep range. and I gotta tell you that's brought I've. went from. doing his efficient rep exercise I went. from being able to do about 10 pull-ups. in a row to 20. in about a month and a. half wow so with weight right so so I. think I've been following that EO that. ethylene X YouTube follow in my opinion.

one of the best follows you can on on on. uh on YouTube it's such an amazing time. if you're interested in physical fitness. because there's so much information now. there's so many people that have like. all these studies that have been done. there's so many people that really. understand like the science behind. building cardiovascular fitness and. hypertrophy and all that it's a really. unique time man because there's guys. like Andrew huberman. like Lane Norton who are like legit like. weight lifters yeah and like Jack dudes.

who are also scientists yeah like legit. scientists who can give you the real. information about like what's effective. what's not different ways to do it and. here's the thing that I think this is. more important than anything is. consistency focus and effort and. everything works like the people that. want to do High Reps where there's guys. that get super jacked on calisthenics I. mean look at those bar Stars guys they. have the most incredible physiques and. it's all calisthenics the only thing. that a lot of those guys are missing is.

the load-bearing work for the legs. because I think like in order to get. like they're load bearing with their. arms because they're doing all this body. work but load bearing with your legs. almost kind of like to build your legs. up to match your upper body you almost. kind of have to do unless you do like. one-legged type squats and Plyometrics. and [ __ ] I feel like you kind of have to. lift something what about a little. steroids what about it what if I do one. cycle just [ __ ] get it before you. even think about doing anything why. don't you go and get blood work done so.

they could find out what your nutrient. levels are at where your hormone levels. are at where your cortisol levels right. we can have that set up next time you. come into town I want to do that because. I I think I just again get one spin on. this but let's just try one cycle of. juice. for you I think you should listen to. your father I bet he would tell you. you're not going to go with one you're. going to go with two and you're gonna. try to double it he doesn't want me to. juice it you're going to want to look. like Dorian Yates. dude my dad first of all my father you. know what's another great thing he. instilled in me because you know it's uh.

uh I am you know you know my jasmine the. mother my children also had a son before. I met her and uh so I was a stepfather. immediately right beautiful thing you. know in my dad's wisdom. because my dad he said you know him and. my mom divorced right. and my dad said even though your mother. when I was a kid he was like even though. your mother and I are divorced. we have a child I have a child with your. mother you'll never hear me talk bad. about her I respect this woman more than. every other any other woman in my life I. respect her because she's the she's your.

mother so you always so when I had a. step kid he was like remember you always. gotta respect the mother of your. children when I was 15 years old my. mother because my parents were divorced. when I was one my mother's ivy league. graduate my father's third grade. education when my when my parents. divorced when I was one when I was 15 my. mother started dating one of my best. friend's fathers which as a 15 year old. boy brutal I mean you know you hear you. know we'd be sitting in the garage. smoking weed uh you know [ __ ] around.

you know I was a 15 16 year old. adolescent somebody be like what do you. think Chris's mom is doing oh no I'm one. of my other friends back I don't know. banging Jimmy's dead and I'm like oh. you know like terrifying oh my God and. so anyway so. this this guy who's dating my mother. when I'm 15. one day uh cheats on my mom and starts. dating a woman having an affair with a. woman who lives directly across the.

street I'm talking about we live here. directly across we can see into that. house that's what this guy did cheated. on my mom carries on an affair with. another woman directly across the street. right. so I'm 15 16 years old don't really. understand that my mother's heart broken. over this she would set up a chair. especially on the weekends and just look. out the window to see if this guy's. going to go into that other woman's. house heartbroken horrified staying in. her pajamas violently depressed crying. every day and I don't understand I'm a.

15 year old kid I'm playing my video. games jerking off to say Bola I I don't. know what's going on right. shout out I don't I don't know what's. going on I don't deal with this right. but my father even though my parents. were divorced was always like I respect. your mother I will protect your mother. from day from Forever from this point. forward we have a child I protect your. mother and that's what he instilled in. me so he comes over one day to pick me. up for basketball practice and I'm in my. room playing video games you know being.

a [ __ ] whatever I'm a kid I don't. understand that my mother's outside. crying being heartbroken and my dad. walks in sees my mom crying looking out. the window looks at that as like the. [ __ ] is going on with this lady comes. into my room he goes uh Chrissy what. what uh what's going on your mother out. there she's crying I said yeah you. remember that guy she was dating uh he. dumped her and now he's dating a woman. who lives who lives directly across the. street and my dad says you're going to. do something about that I said what what. I'm 15 years old I have psoriasis like.

I have a skin condition like I have a. neck Pro like I'm an anxious kid like. I'm playing video game what am I gonna. do he goes uh. listen I'm gonna go get us Bagels it's. 100 true story he goes I'm gonna go get. us Bagels uh just do me a favor don't. come outside I'm gonna go get us Bagels. I'll bring Bagels back to you what do. you want everything bagel with cream. cheese I was like uh yeah sure. not thinking anything going back playing. my video games. five minutes later I hear my mother.

because she's looking out the window. screaming Tony Tony you're gonna kill. him my dad went across the street. they've been divorced 15 years rang this. person's Bell waited for this guy to. come downstairs started beating the [ __ ]. out of him for disrespecting my mom. I run down the stairs after I hear my. mother screaming I see my dad got blood. on his knuckles this guy's [ __ ] on. the floor not knocked out but like. living in pain. it felt like a good Fellas like when Ray. Leon was walking like I felt like Karen.

yeah. you know. I literally I was like oh my God so my. dad gets in my face I swear to God this. is a real thing this happened in 1998. 1999. he goes that was your job that was I. just did your job. like lunatic like kind of and I and and. I was like what this is it yeah that's. how my dad is [ __ ] walking across. after he just beat the [ __ ] out of the. guy and this is me this is me right here. oh well this is him getting beat up my.

dad did just not with the gun but beat. this [ __ ] guy's face in oh my God I. forgot to see any pistol whips him yeah. he pistol whips him and then oh my God. as he's walking across I'm Karen yeah. look this this is my dad's face right. here probably wearing that same thing. this yeah yeah this is me this is me as. that was me looking and I uh I tried to. make believe like I didn't see it and my. dad goes in my face he goes that was. your job and I said what I'm [ __ ]. what do you mean I'm a kid I'm 15 years. old I have psoriasis you know and and.

and and and then two hours later. we're going over the Verrazano Bridge. which connects uh you know Brooklyn to. Staten Island my dad's taking me to my. game I was going to stay by him for the. weekend and you know because my dad. always had like that's why I call my. comedy tour the right intention but the. wrong move my dad's intentions were. protect your mother but the move was. executed you know poorly but he says to. me he says uh Chris we're on in traffic. on the Verrazano Bridge he goes Chris he. goes uh you know what I did was wrong. back there right you know I shouldn't.

have done that I was like uh yeah I know. Mom knows the police now like everybody. knows you shouldn't have done that he. goes exactly he goes but you know you. shouldn't instead of playing video games. in your room like an [ __ ] you should. be out there comforting your mother when. she's going through a hardship you made. me do your job that's you're supposed to. be a man you're responsible for. protecting your mother mixed signal. though you shouldn't do that it's a bad. thing to do that's your job exactly so. that's where the kind of uh the economy.

and my father comes in the right. attention but the wrong move because I. understand what he was saying protect. your mom which actually was instilled in. me to protect my mom but but after that. but the move was to beat somebody up. another grown man when I'm just a kid I. don't know yeah your anxiety makes a lot. of sense very anxious yeah that makes. sense like it's a con conflict and if. you're dealing with that conflict when. you're a young growing person you know. it's very hard for your brain to figure. out what's the right thing to do you. don't have like a clear you you either.

you can have bad examples like you could. have a dad that's a horrible alcohol. right I have friends that have that and. they won't touch a drink because they. saw what it does when when someone. becomes an alcoholic right so you can. learn from a bad example but it seems. like he was a great guy with like really. wise things to say but also a bad. example that's what's crazy well like he. was a wise man who cared about you but. also a bad example and also a violent. criminal yeah yeah so so that's that's. this kind of kind of uh uh like I said.

dichotomy this confusion about my father. as a guy because he was an amazing his. advice is amazing oh an amazing human. being an amazing even being bought there. was you know his methods of it yeah was. a little suspect you know where I was. like I got his point you know like um. but he would uh like I said his. intentions on it were uh were not always. the best but as a you know but but the. byproduct of it was from that moment. when I was 15 16 years old I never ever.

ever when my mom needed help I was. always there to help her I think we. can't even imagine what it would have. been like to grow up during your dad's. time I don't think we could imagine it I. really don't and I don't think he could. have imagined growing up in his dad's. time coming over here during the. Depression right you know these people. that came over here from Italy and from. Ireland and England and wherever the. [ __ ] they came from and during that time. like so many people came during the. early 19th century.

those [ __ ] people were hard-assed. people man right like and they made hard. ass people and it took a long time for. us to get sensitive and we're only. becoming like really sensitive to the. way what happens to people when they. grow up kind of over the last few. generations and and somebody like my dad. like I said third fourth grade education. was able to foresee issues we're having. in society now yes 12 years ago like for. example when Twitter came out right my. dad said I remember this was 2009 2009.

2010 I just got into comedy so it was. 2010 and I got a Twitter and I was. telling my dad and he was like why'd you. do that I was like ah you know it's. comedy you know like you gotta everybody. has a Twitter right and he goes let me. tell you something about Twitter he goes. this is the worst thing that's going to. happen to society I said why again third. grade education he said because let me. tell you he said let me tell you. something that I know a hundred percent. he goes not everybody's supposed to be. talking you're not supposed to have. everybody in society talking only a few. people supposed to talk most of us. supposed to listen when you got.

everybody talking you're going to have a. big problem trust me on that and now. we're here 2023 big problem dude. everybody's got an opinion exactly what. I've said about this but it's just that. people have to kind of earn their right. to be heard and I know that sounds. ridiculous because they are doing it. through Twitter it's just doing it in a. real messy way right like everybody can. be heard now that just is what it is and. to say I I it's true what he said it's. true not everybody should talk but.

everybody can talk so that's just the. reality of the world we live in right. you can't change that that is that is. unless there's a [ __ ] Supernova out. there that blows out our electrical. system and we don't have the internet. for a decade. that's it yeah this is the world we live. in now and I've accepted that at this. point but I'm just saying like like a. street smart guy like like a street. smart guy who grew up today would still. be Street Smart just with this new. reality that you live in right like like. I grew up like I said with an Ivy League. educated mother so very book smart in a.

third grade educated father but very. Street Smart in and out of the system. whatever so I had this idea I had this. both sides of like my mom making me you. know understand history and memorize. every state capital and understanding. the economy above where my dad coming at. it from just life stuff like when I when. I uh you know my oldest daughter is um. is seven now and I've only been with. Jasmine the mother of my children for. eight years so that means the second or. third date we conceived our daughter and. it was a big thing because I grew up.

very Catholic especially you know I got. Catholic tattoos all over my body like. I'm fighting in the army of God like I'm. Chrissy Crusades and and and and and and. and I grew up that way just [ __ ]. Catholicism pounded down my throat. by my mom and so when I got a girl. pregnant out of wedlock yikes this in my. family and in my being is a huge it's. almost like I murdered someone like it. is huge like I had to approach my mother. now with these this idea of I got a. woman pregnant who I barely know out of.

wedlock. the anxiety the uh uh uh kind of fear to. approach my mother with this was. um palpable it was it was inconceivable. in my mind and so but my father being. street smart and being understanding of. the world knew how to help me with this. I told my father first because my father. doesn't judge me he just like is like. whatever you want to do Chris I support. you and I'm gonna help you get in and. out of trouble as best I can that's how. my father feels like he's like I'm my my.

father lives his life for me his son. he's like I my whole life changed and. that's how I feel about my children I. live my life for my children so because. that was how my dad was so he said to me. when I told him I confessed I said you. know I got you know I really like him in. love with this woman. she's pregnant with my child I I I'm. gonna we're gonna have this baby I had. already been a physical therapist I'd. already had uh minimal success in comedy. I felt like I'm gonna have this baby I'm.

the one who decided to have unprotected. sex we're gonna have this baby despite. the odds against us I'm gonna do it my. dad goes listen I support you 100. whatever you want because everybody else. in my life when I told them I had to get. a girl pregnant we're like oh my God. blah blah blah negative right away my. father's first words out of his mouth. were congratulations that's what he said. congratulations because he knew he was. like I'm just going to support you. whatever it is that's a great. combination yeah between your mom and. your dad it really is it's a great. combination for like a balanced view of. the world yeah yeah and I agree with.

that because my mom at times we would. you know butt heads but she was keeping. me in the straight line as much as she. could when my dad was like I'm just. supporting you whatever I can so I did. have a again privileged beautiful. blessed life I'm very aware of that but. my dad said to me was he was like uh. okay here's the thing he goes here's. what we got to do with your mother right. now he goes she barely knows this woman. okay she barely knows this woman who's. carrying her child so what we gotta do. what we gotta do is you gotta introduce. this woman and show the best qualities.

of this woman to your mother because we. gotta we gotta basically get your mother. pregnant. she said exactly because we got to get. your mother pregnant with the idea of. her being pregnant oh my God we gotta. [ __ ] we gotta make your mother fall. in love with this woman and then the. fact that she's pregnant is a bonus. that's what we got to do so that's what. I did and I gotta tell you by the time I. told my mom Jasmine was pregnant was. four or five months into knowing her. mom didn't bat an eye she was like.

amazing I love it and that was all my. dad being Street Smart saying get your. mother pregnant with the idea of her. being pregnant so I was like [ __ ]. quote now my mom graduated from Columbia. University I feel like she couldn't have. come up with the [ __ ] my dad who's got. one tooth came up with. that's amazing yeah dude right that's a. great combination man are you close with. your mom and dad yeah well I'm close. with my mom I'm not close with my. biological dad but I'm close with my.

step dad or your stepdad yeah yeah see. see and and that's what I love about you. know I have a step child and and I was. raised half by a stepmom and I feel like. step parenting is the most thankless job. it's one of the most thankless jobs. because I have to I treat my stepson. like he is my own just like my. stepmother treated me like I was her own. but we're not right that there's no. nature biological connection but I said. my connection to you as my stepson is. through my daughters and I you are as. much as even though I did not create you.

you are a part of my life part of my. family and I love you like I love my. children but it's it's it's it's a tough. thing to kind of uh when you're a step. parent you realize like man I'm in third. fourth fifth place in my own life and I. just have to accept that I gotta try to. be the most positive uh human being I. can and be happy for me because. happiness is I can transfer it to my my. family. but being a stepfather is harder than. being a biological father because it's. nature is saying.

this is not your kid but yet you have to. say that no no it is my kid this is my. child. um and and and I found that being a. stepdad has uh it's almost like you know. when you kind of like grind the gears. and like you know grind the stuff and. then a diamond comes out like I feel. like that I feel like I'm proud to be a. father because of my step parenting more. than my biological I love my children. all three of them the same equally even. though one of them is not biologically. mine I love him like I love my daughters.

that's beautiful that seems like. everything you're saying is you being on. a path of being a better person like it. seems like you're really concentrating. on that all the time what would you do. if I killed myself in my hotel room. tonight she seemed like you're trying to. do that though right I'm I'm accurate. like I love everything you're saying and. I agree and 100 I feel the same way yeah. because I know it's beautiful it's not. it's nice like it's you're you're. concentrating on being a better person. that's the real thing because you know. you put the wash back on I think put the.

watch back on Jamie. I always put it down upside down now. everything he's saying I wholeheartedly. agree with and I think it's beautiful. and I think thinking that way is like. it's it's it's good for you it's good. for people around you it's like you're. trying to be the best version of crazy d. as you could be well I think too like I. rhymed wow is that my new album. I think I think that too like even like. animals like I never used to have a one. a dog and I don't have a dog yet but I'm. contemplating getting a dog but I would.

always be like oh animals like what if. they what if a cat or a dog bites my kid. and I'm but I realize now like the. connection between all living things you. know what I'm trying to like just get an. animal that's not gonna bite your kid. like get a labrador get like a cool dog. that's like got great temperament I. spelled it get a get a sweet dog there's. a lot of sweet dogs out there that are. great with kids I have a golden. retriever he's the best the best dude. right he's so sweet with everybody. everybody comes over the house is like. his new best friend he's just a just big.

old love ball beautiful my mom had a. dachshund Larry and um Larry was uh you. know a little German wiener dog that. [ __ ] barked at everybody didn't they. is that the dog did they make them that. shape for a specific reason yes to go. into uh bunkers in World War II really I. I I don't know that's what look at this. I'll wear it with the gong I like them I. like those glasses dude I don't think. you should be ashamed of that you want. to go to mine you want to see what it. feels like no I'm okay okay but I like. them on you you're confident in who you.

are it's a good look. did I ever tell you about about Larry at. the end of Larry's life what did I ask. him to look up sorry. end of Larry's life ready for this this. is 100 True Story my dog Larry who was. you know I got when I was 16 you know. live with my mom you know I moved out. Larry lived a long life 17 18 years. which is a long time for a dachshund. he's dying every time I go visit my. mother he's dying right it's like.

obviously this dog needs to be put down. my mother it's my it's like a second son. right to my mother she's not gonna put. him down blah blah blah finally we got. to a point where Larry's like literally. looks like he's got bandages over his. eyes he looks like he fought in the. [ __ ] Civil War like we gotta get. Larry to the [ __ ] vet it's a mercy. kill at this point Larry's dying my. mother finally agrees. Larry's dying we take him to the vet. okay we'll take him to the vet. uh the vet comes in does her tests great. vet does her test says yes Larry needs.

to be put down right now he's got uh all. these problems tumors and and advanced. illness he needs to die right peacefully. great right you know upset but Larry. will be in a better place. I'm there with my mother of course it's. 11 o'clock at night there with my mother. holding her you know I'm upset she's. upset of course. they the vet says to us. I'm gonna put a little uh needle in. Larry's paw gonna have a medicine that's. gonna kind of stop Larry's heart it's. gonna take about 20 seconds he will.

breathe his last breath painless numb. like it never happened Larry will pass. away of course it's very emotionally. inducing the most she does for me. emotionally just for my mom but we're. saying Mom this is the best case. scenario the vet convinced her I. convinced her my mom even was convinced. your guys are right I I'm almost cruel. letting him suffer this much the vet. says he's gonna he has to pass away. great you know so we're prepared. Larry's there blinking you know in pain. you know you see it.

the medicine comes in goes in I see it. going through the tubes goes into his. paws thinking about 20 30 seconds. Larry's blinking. we're looking at him rubbing my mother's. hysterical as as she should be I'm upset. rubbing my mother's back of course. 30 seconds goes by you know Larry's. still blinking I'm rubbing my mother's. back I'm saying Mom it's gonna be okay. it's a few more seconds no problem. time's going on now we're at a minute. now we're in a minute and a half. and it's a long time and it's about two.

minutes now and my mom you know is. crying Larry's blinking Larry actually. looks like he's getting a little bit. more energy and I said uh. I said to the vet I said uh is there is. this normal she goes no. um I'll be right back because Larry now. has got I mean Larry was dying and now. Larry's kind of got a bit of a pep in a. step. so I'm saying okay what's going on here. my mom's kind of upset but she's like. we're all confused vet leaves comes back. white as a ghost.

the vet I say to the vet because my mom. is in controllable I say Doc what's. going on. she goes um I'm very sorry. um she goes we have a new vet tech that. just started last week innocent mistake. the dog next door to you was dehydrated. and we accidentally gave Larry. electrolytes not the death medicine we. gave him electrolytes so you might see a. quick surge of energy which was I mean. Larry was doing cartwheels I mean this. dog was acting like he was a [ __ ].

puppy. you see this quick surge of Energy. electric the other dog. that's what I thought the the. electrolytes into Larry the vet says. don't worry I have the right medicine. right here a Larry will will be dead in. a minute. we Larry now is like blinking like. literally like we gave Larry like a shot. of cocaine. [ __ ] Fully Alive. unbelievable my mom doesn't know what to. do they give the right medicine to Larry. like the right medicine Larry died in.

five seconds dead last blink whatever I. thought the same thing you did I said. God knows what the hell happened to the. dog next door yeah I have no [ __ ]. idea just get out of there I signed that. paperwork we [ __ ] left yeah it was. one of those things where it's not you. it ain't me you can't pull it back. either it was a big [ __ ] up and my mom. was kind of on the drive home my mom was. like do you think Larry could have been. saved I said Mom you know what I think. we made the right choice here's a. Wendy's here I'm starving I'll get you a. [ __ ] I'll get you uh some chicken. hydrated dog died suddenly might have.

died suddenly that's but that's medicine. baby that's medicine that's a real story. and and you know my mom still has the. urn has the ashes of little Larry by the. way I think if you if you have a dog. it's great to name it a funny human name. I don't like Fido spot I like Larry Gary. Harry Megan I like like I met a. Rottweiler once 250 pounds had rabies. her name was Josephine hilarious well. not rabies but she was foam I don't know. if she was rabies but she was a vicious. dog her name was Josephine hilarious I.

know a woman whose doctor took out the. wrong kidney. took out her good kidney it happens. how crazy is that you think that's just. in the movies right they they do [ __ ]. sometimes they get tired they're humans. they're humans that's the thing you know. like when when a doc when you go into a. surgery when you have an emergency. situation the doctor is making now. granted they are professionals but they. are make don't make no mistakes they are. making their educated best guess now the.

chances are their educated best guess is. 99 right but it is still an educated. best guess okay it is not foolproof once. they start cutting you open. weird [ __ ] happens I mean how many times. do you have a plastic surgery or. whatever that goes awry and then. somebody dies because I don't want to. ever get a surgery that I don't need to. survive right like I don't like my left. hit it flails a little bit even though. I'm trying to get myself in shape I get. a little local anesthesia a little nip. and a tuck you think a nip in a tuck. maybe a cry out to the side do I need.

style maybe what about it should I do. HGH you should get your whole body. analogs like go and get blood work done. where they can examine everything your. hormones your nutrients and then someone. should ask you about your sleep they. should track your you know your heart. rate variability they should you know. they should find out where your Fitness. levels at there's a lot of things that. to do it properly if you're gonna adjust. your hormones and you're at an age at 38. where a lot of people either start or.

consider starting you really should get. like a comprehensive panel on your. overall health and right there's a bunch. of like really solid experts that can do. that for you now what do you take every. day what is there a daily intake that. Joe wrote not every day. um uh I have been uh taking peptides. five days a week that I I really like. peptides I really like bpc157 and. there's uh some other stuff that I that. I take that does it's great for recovery.

from injuries it increases your body's. ability to produce growth hormone. sauna helps a lot too I do the sauna. before I go to bed no touch deeper sleep. I do tests every three days I take a. small shot of tests every three days so. I have a friend Do It um in the fat so I. have a friend he put a test tablet in. his ass some people do that now they. have like a thing where like it's a slow. leak what do you think of that I've. never done it nor have I talked to. anybody who's done it but I know it's a. thing my friend did it he's got a test.

tablet in his ass and he said it's it's. it's it's it's when you decide to do. that it's you're in because at six. months of just dropping tests through. your ass crease so weird right it seems. like I'd rather just inject it but but. you got to take you got to take a pill. to prevent baldness you got to take a. pill to prevent hits yeah you gotta take. a pill to prevent blood clots it seems. like a lot you have to take a pill to. prevent blood clots unless you're you. have some sort of high blood pressure. medication or some sort of issue with. your I mean it's not a normal thing it's.

like to take a pill to prevent blood. clots to like something a lot of people. take I'm on high blood pressure medicine. is that a blood clot issue though no I. think I've always had high blood I had. high blood pressure and high cholesterol. when I was 12. but if someone is taking. a pill to prevent blood clots I mean I'm. not a doctor right but is that on you. that seems unusual it seems unusual a. pill to prevent blood clots like what. would that be for like what's the. disease that is there a disease. specifically for blood clots it causes. blood clots there's got to be disease. that causes blood clots but you think. that I got I gotta get my blood drawn I.

gotta get on something well you should. definitely find out instead of saying I. got to get on something find out where. all your levels are at right so that's. that's an easy fix they go they do blood. work they do a comprehensive panel all. the nutrients all your hormone levels. everything and so then you can like say. oh you're low in vitamin D or you're low. in zinc or you're low in DHEA like. whatever it is like there's a bunch of. got to be something it's got to be. something I'm low in I'm sure I'm sure.

there's a balance that could be achieved. do you take vitamins I take I do the. athletic greens is that enough on an. empty stomach which I heard does not. break your fast I'm going with I take. those on an empty stomach at 8 am with a. shot of apple cider vinegar to and it. says it does not break your fast because. anything over 30 calories breaks your. fast according to the zero fasting app. and this is 30 on the dot there you go. what do you think uh I say don't sweat. it just take it just take it it can only. be good for you dude we gotta hang out. more okay.

you ever have comedians sleep over your. house not anymore. right what about a sleepover what about. a comic sleepover a comic sleepover. maybe we get a big suite at a hotel. somewhere maybe that's our thing maybe. you got protect the parks the other guys. but we do Chrissy sleepovers with me and. Joe somewhere yeah and then we we. conduct a sleepover we do [ __ ] we do. s'mores we do tests we do we do the snip. the bath salts Uno we play UNO that's. our thing yeah let those guys have that.

we got the sleepovers what do you think. of that Jamie Jamie needs a vacation. Chris I love you. this is a lot of fun uh Chris DiStefano. right intention wrong move to work. chrisdcomedy.com uh you're all over the. place look at you Fort Myers Orlando. Jacksonville Boston West Palm Miami. Tampa Austin Texas April 2nd April 12th. San Antonio oh excuse me April 12th uh. and April 13th San Antonio May 5th.

Buffalo. and then Radio City Music Hall September. 22nd and that's the big one is crazy. comedy Christy comedy and I got my show. on Vice TV super maximum retro show a. lot of fun thank you I really enjoy Joe. thank you so much I'm sleeping on my. pleasure brother bye. [Music]. laughs.