Joe Rogan Experience #1286 - Anthony Jeselnik

two. one. yeehaw hello anthony jeselnik how are. you sir great joe good job buddy. are you uh fully committed to the beard. now yeah i want to keep it as long as i. can are you gonna go mountain man. are you not just. i trim a little bit uh i just like the. lady cuts my hair trims it every like. four weeks when i go in for a haircut. but i don't touch it at all i'm afraid. if i tried to trim it i would just ruin. it. but i love. love having a beard why do you love.

having a beard it is like it's like. sunglasses for the bottom half of your. face oh you know what i mean hide from. the world kind of yeah it's like it. chills me out a little more. yeah. especially on stage like when i'm you're. under the lights you know uh and my lip. would start to get a little bit sweaty. and then i'm thinking about my lip and. i'm like should i wipe this should i. move it then i start to sweat more but. now that i have the beard and mustache. my lip gets a little sweaty you can't. tell so i don't get more anxious.

interesting yeah so you used to like. think boy there's a little couple of. beads on the upper lip yeah and i'm like. can they see it should i wipe is it like. is it too much if i'm wiping like i. drives me crazy you know it gets me. boogers if i think i have a booger like. like what is going on with my nose what. is that is that a booger [ __ ] can they. see that oh i check for sure before i go. on stage it's always a big rejection but. i i'm so uh animated and i'm always. yelling and screaming i'm always worried. that something is like hanging off the. tip of my nose yeah and the people in. the front row can't even enjoy it like.

what the [ __ ] man your nose bro. never had that i've had like definitely. a fly down situation oh yeah. never never like a booger that uh ruined. the show those are two things that. people love to laugh at your fly down. and if you put a beer down on stage and. the foam comes over the top like oh my. god your beer is coming. those are those things. high humor yeah high humor. sweat like like weird sweat stains like.

um when i've done specials but speaking. which anthony joshua next new comedy. special comes out tonight i hear yep. this evening midnight i guess netflix. does it yeah you excited very excited. well i've been seeing your set it's. [ __ ] fantastic thank you i think this. is the best uh i've ever done so i'm uh. i'm pumped for it it's a beautiful thing. about comedy man keep working keep. paying attention to it you get better at. it mm-hmm you know really i mean donna. and i had this conversation just a. couple of months ago. he's like joe he goes i've never been. better he goes i'm [ __ ] a thousand.

years old because i've never been better. at comedy yeah as long as you don't quit. yeah you don't you don't you don't ever. get worse i don't think right you don't. as long as you don't give up because. some guys don't quit but they give up. exactly yeah they just go through the. same material every single time you're. like what are you doing here you're just. like you're just trying to get out of. the house you're not trying to get. better. there's a little of that yeah yeah it's. like if you're not right that's i guess. that's the difference between also guys. who put out. specials or i said women too or and.

people who don't some people just don't. put anything out you know. yeah once you put it up like i put it. out because i'm like i'm i'm done with. this now it's getting boring it's not. going to get better it's good as i can. make it but because of that then i have. to come up with a new hour you have a. pretty specific schedule you like to. follow too right if i'm correct i try i. did i did a year in l.a like at the. store every night you know and like once. a month i do largo and try all out at. once and then uh at the end of that year. i had about 40 minutes went to clubs for.

a year every weekend for a year and then. once that i had the hour after that then. i did a year of theaters and at the end. of that year i taped the special and and. uh and was done with it so you're on. like a three year plan pretty much yeah. and that might change you know as i've. gotten older uh the idea of a four-year. plan sounds a little bit nicer uh and. you have other things going on that uh. that it's not as i'm not as worried yeah. yeah. yeah um. i was trying uh i think two years seems.

to be right for me but. it might be better to give it a little. more time right just a little more time. to tighten things up and polish and you. know add layers and. act extra punch it's like. you know those guys like and when i. started out in boston there was guys. that had been doing the same set forever. and there's pros and cons to that and. the pro is. god damn they had that [ __ ] down tight. where it was just punchline rapid. punchline pause punchline they knew the.

the economy of words was perfect there. was no no fat in the bits they had they. had tightened all that stuff up yeah my. one of my biggest fears. is. like taping the special. and then coming up with like a great tag. yeah you know what i mean like that i. want it to be done. when i shoot it because that feeling is. awful yeah it's the worst i've done that. yeah. so why sucks it sucks. i once went back in uh my last special.

thoughts and prayers i adr the line i. like walked off stage and was like oh. [ __ ]. i should use this word and it just. occurred to me in the moment that i was. using the wrong word so i went back and. adr that you can obviously tell it's. like it's like me talking and then it's. like clearly a different like a. different voice uh just one word but. what does adr stand for i know what it. means but what does it stand for. jamie knows he's an actual audio guy. automated dialogue replacement and why. it's automated is lost in my head.

forever but that's what it means ah okay. i wouldn't have guessed that in a. million years i would have never i knew. what it meant i've done adr. yeah i did it like fear factor like. every episode. i had it do adr it was the worst why'd. you because you were just mispronouncing. names or you were well it was usually. because they wanted to tighten segments. up like you know we would film for three. days. and we'd have to slam that down to 44. minutes so sometimes you needed brevity. or sometimes. they needed clarification for certain.

things like like we would explain the. rules to them like very specifically and. they would have to read these rules and. it took a long time but then like. sometimes in the moment like on. television you wouldn't explain it as. clearly like while we're filming like we. would we'd show them like this is what. you have to do this is what you have to. start here you go from here to there but. sometimes when you would want to put it. on tv you'd want to be more precise or. more concise yeah so i would every. [ __ ] week i do adr. i hated it you did it seems like it.

would be. fun. fear factor but just adr seems like easy. it's relaxed you're just in the booth. yeah it was boring no no i didn't like. it yeah no the fun thing about fear. factor was when the checks came that was. a fun thing and then when nice people. won that was fun too yeah those those. things were fun. but really that was that was a great job. but it was a job it was like a job but. like you know if you had a great like. yeah i really like working here whereas.

you don't really say that about stand-up. no i mean i don't think about it as a. job it's just [ __ ] fun awesome oh. absolutely absolutely it's a get to do. yeah i get to do yeah. that's my new thing it's like get to do. versus have to do how long you been. doing it now uh almost 17 years wow yeah. isn't that crazy to say it it is it. blows me away. like. 17 years just seems like it seems like. forever and i had in my head that like. 20 was an important number like when you.

get to 20 that means something and i've. i think i must have made that up like. people say 10 years is a big deal yeah. but 20 doesn't seem to uh. like i thought that was like that's when. you're really relaxed ten years seems. like you're a pro like when i see. someone i'm like how long you been doing. it 11 years all right. i buy it you know when someone says six. years i'm like good luck. you might quit yeah. i hate the people who are like i've been. doing it for like 12 years when's the. last time you got on stage uh six months. ago oh no you started doing stand up 12.

years ago yeah uh you've not been doing. it yeah you got to go [ __ ] yourself yeah. if you're not if you take those people. that take like giant chunks of time off. and then come back. you know and want to go on the road with. you like hey man. yeah it's like no that's not how this. works you got to be you got to be put in. the work yourself otherwise why why am i. doing you a favor yeah well it's just. it's one of those things like if you. wanted to run a marathon you have to run. all the time or you're going to be. really. so really sore and tired when it's over.

you know you're not going to really be. able to do it you want to be able to. actually do it and really run. this is the same with stand-up. for whatever reason. it seems so [ __ ] easy when you're. watching. when you're watching someone do it this. is one of the reasons why everyone. thinks they can do it because it's just. we're just talking it's not like we're. doing cirque du soleil up there. and some people are like oh that's not. that funny i could be not that funny you. know like. it's not that's not that big a deal yeah. you could yeah maybe uh-huh yeah.

when you started out where did you which. what city did you start in here los. angeles did you really where what was. your first club i uh my first ever show. was at the belly room in the comedy. store i took a class. i took a class uh greg dean. uh. i was working at borders books of music. it was my first job in l.a remember that. play like that yeah big bookstore and. they i just found the thinnest book on. stand-up comedy that they had and bought. that and uh read it at the end it was. like this guy teaches a class in santa.

monica so you went and um people were. like surprised that i took a class it's. like the class didn't teach me how to be. like this it just kind of gave me the. courage to go to open mics and uh and i. don't think i could have just gone to an. open mic i was too scared for that i was. like 23. but after the class you know i had a. seven minute set that i would go and uh. go and do. what did the class teach you like how do. they how do they start a class. like there were two sessions it was like. it was like beginning in advance and. they would talk a little bit about joke. structure they would talk about like.

simple things like taking the mic out of. the stand you know like but be careful. because some people walk up and they. take their teeth out you know what i. mean like things like don't run the. light. show up early like things that were just. um may not have been common sense but it. like it gave me comfort to know the. rules uh so that i could try to break. them you know uh later on and then did. it set at the uh belly room like with a. bunch of other like people in the class. who were all terrible none of them are. doing stand up anymore and i like killed. like i thought i killed i had the tape i.

sent it out to everyone and one of the. jokes from that first set i ended up. using in the donald trump roast really. so i was like oh wow maybe there's like. some gold in there and i went back you. know 10 years after i did it and watched. the set again and had a panic attack. watching myself like the way it was in. my head was not what was on uh was not. was on screen it was it was bad do you. think that's like just like. psychological protectants that you throw. up to i mean what is it that makes you. think that you were better.

back in the day i think it's exciting. it's excitement right you know and just. being stupid you know like when people. get into stand-up later on in life i'm. like. i i don't know if you can do this. because you have to kind of be dumb. enough. to go through the things you have to do. when you start out but i'm glad i was 23. when i was running around to open mics. and uh and not knowing any better that's. a really good point yeah yeah i was 21. i was really dumb. yeah did you just went right to an open. mic or yeah well um i went to an open. mic to watch first and that's what gave.

me the courage to go on stage because i. had always thought like. stand-up comedy was gonna be jerry. seinfeld or richard pryor and if you go. there like you know and i wrote a bunch. of stuff and i practiced a bunch of. stuff into a tape recorder and it was. terrible but. you know i was trying to say it like a. comedian but then when i went to an open. mic and i realized how bad some of those. people are i was like well i can be that. bad i can do that i know i could pull. off what they're doing yeah there's. something about like performing for. comedians.

that really angered me like if an. audience wasn't laughing i was like all. right whatever but the comedians it's. like no you guys should get me. really ticked me off that i like didn't. have any friends in the open mic uh. community that would laugh. no like i didn't have friends at all. like i would i was just the guy who. showed up and and did a set and would. just get angry and angry so i would like. a guy. because i was mad that they didn't they. didn't get that i was funny you know and. it was like it's my job to prove it to. them but i was like these people should.

understand that i'm uh that i'm funny. like there's something about if a. comedian that doesn't like me or doesn't. like respect what i do i'm just like i. can't believe you're a comedian like i. really feel that way. that's a funny way of looking at it well. it's one of those things where. you want to be good so bad you'll sort. of convince yourself that you're good or. you convince yourself that you're better. than you are like i remember the feeling. of. being at an open mic night and not being. sure whether or not i was going to go on.

stage or not having a spot. and watching these guys go god damn it i. want to go up there if i got up in front. of that crowd right now i could kill. you just convince yourself that you were. good yeah i mean i knew that my. performance was bad i knew i was like. funnier than what i was putting out. there and that was what frustrated me. it's like i've got to keep writing new. jokes to get to. to be able to prove myself to get to. your potential exactly yeah. yeah that's a. it's a it's an interesting thing because. it it occurs in almost every thing.

that's difficult to do it's like you see. the path you're like okay just keep go. like martial arts for example it's. perfect perfect example it's like you. practice with a white belt and you kind. of think like i kind of get this i'm. going to get good at this i'm going to. be and then you'll practice with someone. who's really good who does it every day. and it's a black belt and you just feel. helpless and you feel like god damn it. i'll never get to that spot and that i. used to feel like that about stand up. there was a guy. when i first started out he probably. never heard of him but he's one of the.

best comics of all time his name is. teddy bergeron and he was a boston. legend and he had a problem with. substances to put it mildly. and. he was his timing was impeccable he went. on a tonight show like back in the day. and he would play piano as well. and uh he had like. like the ultimate set on the tonight. show i mean just [ __ ] murdered sat on. the couch with johnny i mean and just. was killing it and just super and then. went off the rails like the pressure of.

success and everything and pills and. booze and woo. yeah and the whole thing but. when i was an open micro um one of the. early early sets that i did i remember i. did a set. and then he went on. you know there was a bunch of open. micros and then some professionals would. hop on and do like 5-10 minutes and he. went out but did that and he was so. [ __ ] good and so polished i almost. quit. i was like what am i doing i'm terrible. i don't have a point of view i don't i.

don't have perspective i don't have that. kind of timing i definitely don't have. that kind of swagger like he had a like. a casual swagger you know on stage did. you have like an idol like someone you. were trying to be as a stand-up. um like in the beginning those are. probably a bunch of guys i sounded a lot. like richard jenny in the beginning i. was kind of stealing. like almost stealing his timing and i. realized at one time one time i was on. stage and i heard myself sound like him. and i was like all right i gotta fix. this yeah you know i did that with it. with david tell in new york.

i didn't tell you i would run downstairs. and watch a tell set and then one day i. caught myself. not doing one of his bits but like one. of his mannerism kind of things yeah. it's just fun to do. and i felt i was like i got to stop this. and i went and told este the woman who. books the comedy seller i was like i got. to stop watching david tell and i said. it like confessional and i thought she. was going to be like you're not a real. comic then everyone watches to tell and. she goes good like more people should. stop watching david tell like people are. just ripping them off and i understand.

why. but he's got such a bizarre. sense of timing and it's so infectious. you know oh yeah just so it's so fun. to watch i've known dave for like. 28 years i think and he's always been. like that he's always had that very. strange way of talking yeah you know oh. it's a box i've known him maybe 10 years. and i don't know him at all you know i. mean we've like talked a couple of times. but i don't know anything about the guy. yeah.

and i think i met him after he had quit. drinking so i think he was a different. uh oh yeah oh yeah i knew him in the. heart. when he was on that show insomniacs and. he was getting blasted out of his gourd. every night. every night he was going these places. and it was killing him yeah and he. stopped doing the show for that very. reason because everywhere he would go it. would just be shots shots shots. and. and then he. one time i ran into him at the improv. and it was like one o'clock in the.

morning and i was headed home and he's. like hey is there after party where do. we go i was like where do we go like go. home. go to sleep. yeah and then the next time i saw him he. was totally sober he's one of those guys. though that got sober and didn't stop. being hilarious no a lot of guys do yeah. oh they sober up and then they become. annoying mm-hmm and then they want to. talk about their sobriety. i cannot stand. i can't stand recovering addicts.

they drop me yeah man they're worse than. people who just find yoga. they just won't shut the [ __ ] up about. recovery yeah i'm guilty of that with. many things. if i get into something i can't shut the. [ __ ] up about it but. i get it you know for them it's like. this pivotal moment in their life where. all of a sudden they have their [ __ ]. together and they just want to talk. about it all the time the thing that. drives me nuts though is when they judge. yes and they always get a little judgy. they're like are you sure like do you. need that last drink and i'm like yeah i. do and i can handle my [ __ ] so leave me.

alone hey i'm super sorry you got that. [ __ ] up gene yeah yeah whatever you. went too far with it but i i've got it. under control i like being a little. buzzed i like it. and i'm luckily the drugs in the. drinking that i do it's uh you know if. i'm gonna drink i drink high quality. stuff uh i smoke a little weed but the. other drugs don't really do it for me. have you [ __ ] with the other drugs. well i've tried just about everything. yeah and it just like not for me like. i've done cocaine and the next day been. like i just feel stupid like i feel like. everything that came out of my mouth.

last night was dumb i feel like hell uh. i enjoy weed chills me out i like beer. and wine and. vodka and whiskey. i have not done a lot of things i've. never done masculine or peyote just. basically i think they're pretty much. the same thing i've never done. um coke i've never done meth i've never. done any real amphetamines. i've always been scared of those though. because those are the ones that i've. seen people like really lose their lives. for yes and i i don't mess with. amphetamines at all and i don't enjoy it.

uh someone who grinds their teeth you. know like that that's. that's awful and i found like with with. comedy you can't be funny on cocaine. who. do cocaine and are funny because i just. find it to be like you're not i can't. laugh at anything and i can't like i'm. talking too fast my timing's off right. and like i'm not thinking in a funny way. but i've always been surprised at comics. who have coke problems yeah joey diaz. talked about that because joey diaz did. coke for years but he doesn't he's never.

done coke and gone outside she goes he. goes every time i tried it i was [ __ ]. terrible he goes it takes away your soul. your heart you got no heart when you're. up there yeah you know they i guess. again i've never done it but uh what i. don't get is just i get. that whole. speedy thing where you just like your. your sense of how people are perceiving. you as distorted and timing is distorted. yeah like i don't even go on stage hi i. mean i have a couple beers i don't want. to be slurring if i even smoked pot at.

all that day it's the worst show for it. really yeah i wonder why that is i think. i'm just in my own head you know it. makes me want to get through the set as. opposed to being present and enjoying it. like i just want it to be over so i can. go chill out. you know that's interesting it's only on. only with weed one of my favorite things. to do when i would take guys on the road. with me get them so high that they could. barely talk and then put them on stage. that's what dude the first the first two. guys i would open for on the road it was. uh doug benson and brian posan jesus.

christ and they were like they wanted to. smoke all day yeah that i was like every. time i was a feature act like almost. every time i was a feature act i was. terrible because i thought like i have. to smoke i have to smoke these guys they. won't take me on the road but i'm like. barely getting through this half hour. yeah and i'm terrible it's not a smart. move for someone who's. just getting going to be that high on. stage but one time i did. i was uh i i really didn't smoke pot and. toss 30. like really smoke pot but i did. it a handful of times when i was younger.

and one time when i was like uh 21. i was living with my buddy jimmy. and uh. him and one of his friends came over and. he had pot we smoked some pot during the. day i think we had a barbecue or. something. and then i had a gig like six hours. later i was still high and i remember. being on stage. and and my timing was excellent and i. was so locked in and focused and i. remember being terrified that i was. going to be terrible terrified but i i. really nailed it for whatever reason but.

then i never did it again and i was like. boy i got away with it yeah and then i. started smoking. when i was 30 and it kind of changed my. act. like it made my act from like. it made my act more introspective i. started talking about weirder subjects. and more interesting i started talking. about things that i was actually more. interested in did you start to write on. stage more when you were high on stage. yeah i kind of always have written on. stage a little bit but mostly um.

mostly like tangents like i'd go off on. a weird branch if i knew how to get back. to the river right i would take like a. weird stream off to the right and then. just as long as i knew how to get back. to the river of whatever the [ __ ] i was. talking about i'd be fine. but when i'm high. i'll just let go wandering through the. woods like i'm not even concerned about. the river i'm like you know there's the. river of thought the pattern that you're. following but when i'm high i'm like. what what who the [ __ ] wants that and.

why why would you be that person and. then i start thinking like i remember. when i was a kid and then i'll just like. out of nowhere have this idea and i'm. hoping it's going to go somewhere. and those moments i feel like. they're like. it's like. foraging for food like occasionally you. find it like if you go out looking for. mushrooms you don't know where they are. you might find edible mushrooms. hopefully you're going to find them. sometimes you won't sometimes you come. home with an empty basket but sometimes.

you get them and the only way you find. out is if you forage. and that's kind of what it feels like. when i'm high on stage it's like okay. but then i'm also. really worried that i'm going to be. boring like i want to be. i know these people paid to see i know. i'm trying to develop material but i. also know i'm entertaining these people. in the present so it's like a fine line. yeah i don't have that confidence to. waste the audience's time. you know what i mean like i'll see chris. rock yeah chris walks a friend of mine. and he'll go up and just like with.

nothing yeah and just sit there and like. very comfortably for 45 minutes and just. and just and just kind of talk and look. for things and has no problem with it. whatsoever now. he'll go what else what else and they'll. like stare at the sky look at the ground. i can't you know who's the master at. that was damon wayans. oh my god. who a lot of people have forgot a lot of. people forgot was one of the [ __ ]. still is one of the best comics ever. damon was a goddamn murderer in the 90s.

coming but i remember going to the haha. cafe uh they would do like a show every. tuesday that my friends would run and. damon wayans would always drop in. and do an hour and ruin the show like he. would have no material and he would just. attack people in the crowd by the time. he was off stage like the audience was. furious like they were they went crazy. when he came out and then by the end. they were just like why is he doing this. to us. we were like oh [ __ ] damon wayne's this. year it was so funny somebody looked up.

to as a kid and like loved you're just. like oh man this [ __ ] again wow. that's crazy i wonder why i was doing. that. well i mean i guess it was probably. because you couldn't do it at the store. anymore. yeah what how how many years ago was. this. god i mean at least at least 10 12 13. years ago yeah see that puts it that's. that makes sense right because that's. around 2005. yeah that's like probably. he stopped going to the store the store. probably tightened up the way they used. to because they used to just let anybody. just drop like eddie griffin would drop.

in. wasn't on the. wasn't on the schedule he would drop in. at 9 00 p.m and get off stage at 3 a.m. and that was real yeah yeah that was. real six. hours that would kill me. and uh and then when he was done he was. like who's next. next. who's next dude he did six hours. what's the longest set you've ever done. i think an hour and 40 minutes. maybe a little longer i don't remember.

but i think an hour and 40 minutes. probably the longest i've ever done yeah. yeah but that's too long too long yeah. an hour and 20 is more than anybody. should ever have to hear you talk yeah. and even that it's like pushing it what. i like i like. i like to do. when i do like a theater i do an hour or. an hour and ten and i just well i just. wanna just start and then finish just. come on go. ready and then for one hour i want. everything to be tight and concise and i.

would way rather have an hour and 10. minutes. that people really enjoyed versus an. hour and a half where they're like an. hour of it was really funny because then. it leaves you with this even if it's the. same hour. that extra time. i also just think the audience doesn't. want to see more than an hour of comedy. it's like like people like oh i did. three hours the other night like why. like the audience must have hated it. like chappelle used to drop into the. cellar. he and like dan cook were going back and. forth like who could do the longer set.

longest ever world record right they had. like world records yeah and i think bob. marley eventually broke it or something. uh bob marley from maine yeah i didn't. do like two days on stage. but chappelle was down there one time. and i was like oh i'm gonna go check it. out and it was like almost unwatchable. yeah because it was like the pacing that. they had that you have to do in order to. be on stage that long and he was funny. but it would be like not funny for long. stretches than a big punch line yeah and. then back into it you're like all right. like that was when dave was on hiatus.

right that was when dave kind of like. took time off a comedy for a long time. he i mean kind of like he wasn't doing. specials but i think he was doing like. surprise shows like he was always always. kind of on tour in weird venues he's. still doing that now you know he's not. always doing like big big giant theaters. so like he'll just want to book like a. 20-seat room yeah and uh make his agents. crazy well he's been doing it he's been. doing the lab at the improv that little. tiny room which is what 50 50 seats. maybe yeah he did it aziz did it.

that's a that's a place where comedy. dies that little [ __ ] up room i've. always hated that room that room sucks. every dick on the planet when people are. like oh you can try new stuff it's like. i can try new stuff in the main room for. a good crowd like why do i want to uh do. this little terrible room i don't know. why it's even there well it's a weird. one was because the belly room is. perfect the belly room works yeah but. somewhat for some reason that lab seems. like why is there comedy here what is. why is the door right there why is the. street right there what is this yeah.

what is this here what do you got going. on here everything about it is bad yeah. like i was trying to tell them i go turn. that into the comics green room like no. there's good comedy there i'm like shut. your mouth you shut your mouth you turn. that into the comics green room yeah. they used to be where the bar was right. now they used to be like where everybody. hang out before the show it was great it. was great you'd go in the other room to. go on stage and you would go from that. part to go on stage now everybody goes. from the front door to go on stage so. you're trapped in that little hallway. and you're like where the [ __ ] how do i.

where do i hide yeah yeah there's. nowhere to hide that's why i love the. store so much yeah cause there's so many. places to hide but the store has that. little problem with the or. like when you right before you're about. to go on stage you're in the hallway and. yeah i don't like the hallway but i like. those seats on against the back just for. comics you can kind of sit there and go. over your notes and yeah i believe you. alone i i love that back bar yeah that. back bar is my favorite the back bars. the [ __ ] the the secret comedians bar. yeah i mean that's just what they've. done in the new this new generation of.

managers and the people that run the. place now they've sort of like really. paid attention to like what what's going. to make these guys happier what's going. to make this better like you got to give. them a place where they can hide so give. them that back bar and you go to the. back bar any day. it's filled with people just hanging out. talking [ __ ] and like it's fun it's like. a fun place i go there i gravitate and i. get into the back area i'm like oh look. at all these cool people yeah this is a. great spot to hang out in yeah. yeah they did that they added security.

they did it so it's it's night and day. to the way it used to be oh i never used. to go there i didn't like hanging out. there i didn't like any part of it and. then once uh once the new management. took over i was like oh great like i. once did a show there i did a benefit. there was like a kid who died i forget. his name. he was a comic uh died in a car accident. and they had like a benefit for his. family oh yeah that's josh adam meyer's. friend angelo yeah. yeah. i did not know him i didn't know him. either but uh he was like a fan of mine.

and i was like i was like his favorite. comic that they could get. and i'm like on the i'm on the marquee. it's a sold out show i have a great set. i walk off and tommy comes up and he's. like uh the old man was like anthony. that was great man we got we got to get. you around here you got to start hanging. out you know you got to start hanging. out and doing you know. doing the open mic and stuff and i'm. like. my name is on the marquee right now you. just watched me headline this show like. what are you talking about. and i then i don't think i ever saw him. again next thing i knew he was fired and. they were like what can we do to get you.

back here well i love it well that's. adam you know right adam the same thing. to me he told me that tommy got fired. and came to visit me the improv so you. were gone seven years seven years from. the store yeah and then when tommy left. they brought you back in yeah well. there's two reasons. um one. i had to go physically to the store. because ari was filming his comedy. central special and is like. that. he's a you know ari's just one of my. best friends.

and. i knew him from the time he was a. doorman and i knew that him filming his. special there was so important and there. was no way i was going to miss it i was. like i have to be here like i have to. see this at the store. so i was like ah [ __ ] all right i got to. go back and so i decided to go back i. think he was filming on a wednesday what. what night is uh gross battles on. tuesday right so i went down there on a. tuesday so let me go down on tuesday. just to see what's up. and i went to rose battle and i was like. holy [ __ ] this place is electric this is.

crazy like the environment is so much. different it's so creative and the the. night that i was at roast battle was. [ __ ] fantastic it was so good there. was so many funny roasters and i. remember thinking wow this place is just. different man it just feels so much. different and it wasn't like it is now. like now like you'll go on. a saturday night they'll have six sold. out shows they have two shows in the. belly room two in the or two in the main. room everything's sold out packed with. headliners and it's chaos it wasn't like.

that it was still sort of shitty like in. terms of like the numbers but the vibe. and the creativity was way different and. the new guys and girls that were coming. up they were [ __ ] good man i was like. wow this is a different vibe i had been. gone for almost a decade yeah. so that brought me in and like i said i. had to be there for ari there was no way. like there was no way i could miss it i. had to be there so i'm like all right i. just got to swallow it and that was. probably what adam for sure helped but.

i might have stayed away forever if it. wasn't for ari i just i had to see it. you know. do you like roast battle do you like uh. judging that. i get i cringe sometimes because they're. so [ __ ] mean yes. yeah. sometimes people are so mean you know um. uh but i do like it i do love the. writing aspect of it i love the fact. that it's a joke writer's forum but.

i don't want to name any names but. there's one comic that i'm friends with. that does really well in rose battle and. i said hey man how come you when you. roast you have all this good new. material but you're doing the same. stupid [ __ ] when you go on stage all the. time like you're doing the same set for. years you're not you're not advancing. because you're not writing a lot but. you're writing a lot when you write for. roasts. and i'm like you should treat like your. material like the same way you treat. your material when you have to roast. like. the thing about the roast is like say if. uh you are gonna roast with tony.

hinchcliffe you guys know each other. you know who you're writing for all. right tony what does he look like he. looks like you know you start [ __ ]. around with oh i know this about tony. and that about telling this is going to. be funny and it forces you to be. creative whereas i think there's so many. guys that they they develop. a framework of a set and then they just. kind of like that that is their comfort. the comfort is in the fact that they. know even if it's not good they know. that they can go from this to that and. that to this and they know where they're.

going and they don't they're not lost. you know and i think that. the beautiful thing about the roast is. none of that material you can do in any. other place you can only do it right. there so you have to work on that and so. oftentimes you see like what comics. capable of when they're roasting versus. what they're doing when they're actually. doing their real set which seems stale. yeah yeah i feel like it's almost um. i agree with everything you're saying. that it's almost like uh. it's not beneficial right to be like a. really good at roast battle and not as a.

stand like it takes it can take away. from stand up and people think it's like. this this path to glory and i'm not sure. that it is no i don't think it is i. think it's a good exercise if you're if. you're treating all of your comedy the. way you treat the roast battle like. you're always working on it but i think. there's a lot of guys that just aren't. working on i think part of our problem. is. there's no other art form like stand up. where there's like you were telling me. you were saying how you took a class to. learn to get on stage but you were quick.

to add and almost every great comic does. this that you really didn't learn. anything in that class but but it got. you to the stage. that's weird that there's nothing like. the best. education that we have is talking to. each other like like how do you write. how do you do it and i'm always i've. been doing comedy 30 years and i'm. always like how do you do it what are. you doing what are you doing this way. are you doing it that way what do you. write do you write it out like. everybody's got a different thing like. bill byrd doesn't write anything out. just his notes and he works it out on.

stage you know he writes. he has these ideas in his head and then. he rants and you know he uses his. podcast to develop a lot of his material. because his podcast is unique and that. it's just him talking. but everybody's got a different thing. and there's no one who's right like no. no one's no one's right. stan hope who said that if you tell if. you give a comic advice you're just. telling them how to be more like you. you know that i kind of agree with it. you can say like write more get on stage. as much as you can you know that's. important but there are things even in.

comedy that like you hear early on that. it takes 10 years to understand yeah you. know like i remember the movie uh um. the movie comedian with jerry seinfeld. was like a huge influence on me and. there's one point where seinfeld's kind. of depressed and he's like colin quinn's. like what's the matter he's like i just. don't know when i'll be back you know. when i'll feel like i'm back again with. this new material and colin quinn says. uh when you're on stage and you're. killing and you're miserable that's when. you you'll know you're back like when. you're just like great i'm making these. idiots laugh and seinfeld is dying.

laughing and i would like i. saw that and i didn't understand what he. meant and now i know exactly. you know. well if i could go back to when that was. filming i would grab orne adams and go. don't do it. don't let them do this to you man how. long you been doing comedy don't let. them do this they're going to put you. they they're doing this to make jerry. look better don't let him do it. i mean. he must have thought it was like the. biggest thing in the world for him yeah. uh and i'm so mad like i love that movie.

i watched the dvd once a year and. there's no ornie adams commentary track. they should give him one i think they. don't reference it like in the other. comment like or you'll talk about this. in his and i think he was so angry with. the way he was portrayed that uh he. refused to do one that i would give him. they portrayed i mean they they just. edited him. in the worst aspects of it they didn't. want to give a nuanced perspective on. who he is and what he's doing they just. wanted him to be like the young guy. who's trying to figure it out versus the. old you know legend.

but they would like my friends would use. them as an example like if i was like. acting like a jerk they'd be like you're. behaving like horny adams. like you need to like i came in second. in like a comedy competition and i was. mad about it and they were like don't be. like orny and i was like thank you got. it. well he's doing great now i mean or he's. doing fine but i've met him a couple of. times he's in he's he's always been nice. to me nice guy i once did a show at the. improv. where this is years ago and it's an.

eight o'clock show i'm not i'm not i'm. i'm not the headliner the orni's going. on after me but it's like i'm the. biggest name on the on the marquee and i. get there and there's six people in the. audience and two of them were like. friends of mine who had never seen me. perform before oh no and i was like this. is humiliating i was like what i'm like. yelling at the staff i'm like how do you. have six people here at 8pm on a friday. i can go to the store right now and it's. the five rooms are sold out like what's. going on and i get on stage and i'm so. embarrassed my friends are seeing me. that i'm yelling at the staff.

staff members are walking by and i'm. screaming at them yelling at the sound. guy don't even i don't even do a joke i. like put the mic down i'm like [ __ ] this. place i'm never coming back and i leave. and i see my friends a couple days later. i'm like so sorry about that they're. like no you were funny like the guy who. went after you. that guy was angry. and i'm like that guy was angry. i yelled at the sound guy for 15 minutes. like what the hell did he do. the improv had those dark moments they. still kind of do sometimes like shop did. a show there recently on friday night. there was 25 people in the crowd.

i love i blew up at uh at like the new. booker they called me up and then like. we would love to have you back we see. her at the store what can we do to get. you back at the improv and i'm like. email me once once a week and tell me. what spots you have and i'll tell you. when i can go like all right i'm booked. for a wednesday i see the lineup it's. like me five people tiffany haddish i'm. like great it should be a good show. day of. the improv emails me and they're like. listen tiffany hash wants to do an hour. and she wants you to introduce her.

so it's just going to be the two of you. guys no m.c. did you just bump me down to opening act. opening act like without and not asking. if this is okay just like you're now the. emcee going up cold. uh that i was and i'm like. all right i'll be there but know that. i'm furious and they're like why don't. you just cancel and i'm like because i. want you to know how mad i am and then. i'm never coming back here and tiffany. was great that was nice to her uh but i. was just i couldn't believe. that they would treat me with like that. i'm there tomorrow night at the improv. i'm there all the time yeah you want to.

do a set. maybe not sold out. sold out actually i got uh i'm going to. dinner to celebrate the special damn. yeah. it's good if you catch it with a packed. crowd it's just they didn't have. the right approach to. to marketing yeah that's all it is but. it used to when i first started that was. the club yeah you know well that was. where i went when i left the store. when i left the store for seven years i. did my sets at the improv at the ice. house haha i did um.

just anywhere else but the store laugh. factory no no no. never they film you. yes yeah and they put people up and they. put they've done it with me they put. your [ __ ] up online and they say they. don't do it anymore but it's too late. you can't just do that yeah and their. attitude about it was very disappointing. like when i told them that i wanted them. to take my [ __ ] down they they were not. they they weren't. they weren't understanding or apologetic.

until it became a big deal yeah like big. deal like you know. like how to get other people involved. it was not good it's not wise to think. that you could just film people and put. them online when they're working out for. free yeah and i tell them yeah. especially like a guy like you who's. going to do a [ __ ] netflix special so. you're going to release this stuff and. put it online long before netflix gets a. hold of it. and the attitude about it just wasn't. good i mean it's a great club i've.

worked there many many times i just. don't do it anymore yeah you know it's. just. get it together you know this this is. the [ __ ] big leagues we're in. hollywood this is not like some [ __ ]. [ __ ] comedy club in the middle of. nowhere that nobody goes to this is on. the sunset strip. this is in hollywood and you're doing. that like what do you guys what are you. doing yeah you couldn't trust him it. just was ridiculous but. it's a great club when you go there. you'll see great comedy it's it's a. [ __ ] killer setup you know it's.

there's a lot of the pieces are in place. for it to be amazing yeah i was going. back for a little bit but they would. like they would use me to promote the. whole show it's like it's like as if. it's just my show right i'm just doing. 15 minutes and making the same money as. everybody else on the lineup like if i'm. at the comedy store it's like me you. delia sebastian like you don't feel that. pressure right and we're all in it. together kind of thing that it seems i i. enjoy the store a lot more than uh. just the way they promote. i feel less pressure yeah the quality of.

the comedy's better and at the store and. there's like there's something about. that that i think is like. one of the things that's happened from. the seven years ago or the seven years. when i was gone versus now which i've. been back like almost four years would. be four years november or five years. november. is that um. it's better for me to see guys like you. and to see guys like neil brennan and. and all these. this is working with killers just just. this lineup of like where i know that.

if there's 400 people in that audience. they're coming to see everybody they're. not just coming to see me and i think. that's that's critical for developing. material i think it's critical for. putting piecing stuff together and and. putting an act together it's like i need. a balanced audience i don't want to. perform for. the the converted you know what i mean. exactly like if i i feel like the store. is like a gym yeah where you're working. out where like you're not getting the. same i don't get the same laughs at the.

store that i do if i go to largo. and every single person there has paid. 30 bucks just to see me so they're like. it makes it easier but because i've. worked at the store. like you it's like i've earned that at. largo yeah you know but you but if i. just did largo all the time and that was. it i wouldn't be as good you know you. need to kind of you need to suffer a. little bit they're so nice at largo. i did i did whitney's show at largo and. uh it was it was so so nice and then uh. i did this bit about mocking feminists.

and i could say like i don't like. feminists for the same reason why i. don't like white people are only into. white people. like i like people who like everybody. like i'm not interested in anybody who's. really only into one thing. you know like come on stop yeah like. it's nonsense you're like i do do women. need equal rights of a [ __ ] course of. course yeah but i don't want to hear you. talk about it all the time it's annoying. yeah and you can see like the the. tightening up like someone's saying they. don't like feminists like it's like oh.

you guys are indoctrinated i see what. this is and so then i felt like and it. helped me actually develop this one. piece that i was doing. and that the like sort of around it. rounded out this one piece i was doing. because i was trying to figure out a way. that i could explain it to someone who. might have a preconceived notion about. who i am like. to say it in a way that makes people. that were hesitant. laugh you know what i mean versus.

savages at 11 30 on a saturday night. that are hammered. yeah so whitney cummings crowd wasn't uh. into your anti-feminist they laughed. they laughed because the punch line was. good and i i had a place to go with it. and the place to go was ultimately. mocking men's rights activists that was. the the real thing was. the the the set up for that joke is i. don't like anybody's into one thing and. i go but what drives me the most [ __ ]. crazy is men's rights activists like.

every men's rights activist i ever met i. just want to grab them and go dude. we got them all yeah we got all the. rights yeah we got them all. i can't believe that's a real thing a. mental rights activist well it's a real. thing if you get divorced and you have. child uh. it's uh for child custody those things. are those things are real like guys. really i know men who have gotten really. [ __ ] over in divorce. where their wife hired a [ __ ] killer. lawyer and they dragged them through see. the thing about and i learned this from. phil hartman unfortunately.

before he died uh i was trying to tell. him to get divorced and he i said just. give her half man you'll make more money. he goes it's not half he goes it's two. thirds he goes the [ __ ] lawyers take. a third it's a goddamn scam you know he. like he was furious about it because. apparently he had been trying to figure. it out like how to do it but i had a. friend whose wife ex-wife. dragged it out on purpose because she. wanted him to pay the legal bills so he. had to pay for her lawyer he had to pay. for his lawyer.

and then he had to. pay for all of the times that she. decided to change the goal posts and. renegotiate like there's no no one can. say that you can't renegotiate so she. would just renegotiate and just drag. things out and her her goal was to try. to drain him financially so she was. doing this on purpose like targeting so. he was essentially paying for the. general of the army that was plotting to. murder him and he was slowly going crazy.

and i was watching my friend go crazy. and it took several years for it to be. completely resolved and he's still. paying her he's still he's been divorced. for i think 12 years now and he still. pays her. they didn't have a child. um and he has a family now he's married. with children now he and he still pays. this person still pay like he [ __ ] her. so hard she can't work. 12 years later. yeah it's so that's where men's rights. activists have a point because.

if you're in a state that's particularly. uh progressive or liberal in regards to. alimony and child support. the only well the only thing that we win. on that is like tom arnold like we we. got a one on the board for tom arnold. when he divorce but the problem with. that is i love roseanne. more than i love tom arnold no offense. tom but i do you know so like it. bothered me that roseanne had to pay him. like bro get get the [ __ ] out of here. you you can work like why how come when. you with a successful person if that.

successful person says [ __ ] kick. bricks get out of here you have to pay. them that that person has to pay the. person they're getting rid of why well. oh he's used to her lifestyle what that. that that i'm used to it is uh it's. crazy. yeah it's the only thing that makes. sense is child care that makes sense. like hey. um this person is taking care of the. children they're your children you guys. had these children together you have to. contribute to the the the money that it.

costs to raise a child 100 i get it what. i don't get is alimony i just don't get. it we're not together anymore know how. we were before we were together and you. didn't have any money and then you met. me and now i have money and then you you. got used to having money well you're. gonna have to get used to not having. money because now you don't have any. money because now we're not together. anymore or like a year maybe you know. what i mean like let her take some time. to get back on her feet right but don't. be a prostitute or anything yeah you. don't have to be i think it's just. bitterness it's like i want to take you. for everything that i can.

one of my friends who was going through. a divorce he was like of all my friends. who've gotten a divorce. 80 of them. if they have kids the wife accuses the. husband of molesting the kids oh jesus. just for. visitation you know just just like for. negotiation yeah exactly well the. lawyers are on to that now you know i. mean this is actually something that my. friend was warned of when. him and his wife were splitting up like. is your wife malicious will she you know. make some sort of a baseless accusation.

and he's like how so and then they went. into that. yeah man there's evil people out there. that and there's also this thing that. happens when people break up with. someone if someone doesn't want to be. with you anymore someone that you deeply. loved and cared about you want them to. suffer it's weird. it's weird. i mean it's normal so i guess it's not. that weird but the evil vicious jealousy. you know like you see that vicious. jealousy in chimpanzees like one of the. things that chimpanzees do when they. attack people one of the things they.

attack people over is unfairness. like there was a terrible story about a. guy who had kept a pet chimp and then. brought the chimp a birthday cake on his. birthday brian passan has a whole bit. about it do you does it does he really. yeah um and the other chimps found out. that this champ is getting a birthday. cake and they saw it and they weren't. getting any cake and they were [ __ ]. furious so. someone had inadvertently left one of. the gates open so the chimps got out and. tore this guy apart because of a. birthday cake but it's that thing it's.

not like it was affecting them it's like. he was doing something bad to them so. they got out and killed him no they. ripped his dick off because they didn't. like the fact he gave the other champ a. birthday cake took his dick took his. fingers took his feet yeah yeah yeah. pocaine's pit's so funny he's like the. the worst thing about that story for. that guy is that everyone's gonna want. to hear it forever because it starts. with so i was bringing a birthday cake. to a chimpanzee and then. and like you got to hear the rest. but that that anger and jealousy like.

there's evolution there's an. evolutionary basis for it oh is that. what he looks like now yeah oh my god. it's tough his fingers are missing his. face is missing he's got one eye his. nose is gone oh look at that frown oh my. god. well his face was ripped apart he. probably stitched it together that way. awful. yeah it's [ __ ] awful man. yeah you can't own a champ crazy. [ __ ] they're the. most vicious of all the primates next to. people aren't they good for like you can.

put like train them for like the first. like five years of their life and then. they forget everything they just decide. they're going to [ __ ] you up yeah and. they're so strong what is that one doing. is that the chimp no no but it just. popped up in the same group of pictures. jesus hairless chimp they're so mean. such a it's such a mean species you know. there's a problem with columbus monkeys. in uh parts of uh africa where chimps. live because they've eaten so many. columbus monkeys that their their. population is down 97 percent.

yeah they rip them apart and eat them a. lot while they're alive are they tiny. call up spunky's they're not big no big. enough to eat. but uh is a david attenborough. documentary from the 90s where they. first discovered that chimps eat monkeys. they really didn't know they thought the. chimps were basically herbivores and. then they got this video footage of them. hunting these monkeys and the way they. would corral them. and beat them through the trees and. catch them and this monkey screaming.

while this chimp is ripping it apart. from the hips like just chewing it and. pulling it apart from the is like. and he's like basically ripping his legs. and his ass end off and just eating it. alive goddamn they're [ __ ] mean man. they're [ __ ] mean it's a mean animal. but the w but i get the fact that look. everything's mean in the jungle there's. big cats and poisonous snakes and. spiders and it's just a hard hard hard. world but the thing that drives that.

gets me is the jealousy because i don't. think other animals experience jealousy. the way chimps do like this is that it. right there uh from the hat and burrow. into the clip where they actually caught. it yeah so that's a monkey in his. hand jesus yeah dude the videos of it. killing it while they're pulling it. apart like. but that jealousy that i want you to. suffer i didn't get that [ __ ] cake. oh you don't let me have that cake i. can't get any cake i'm gonna pull your. [ __ ] dick off i'm gonna bite your. nose off.

like that that is a. that's a strange trait for an animal to. have oh you know i mean i think it's a. terrible trait for a human being to have. oh yeah we are animals yeah yeah. something uh you got to work on but when. it comes to divorce like that's that. same thing it's like that same i want. you to [ __ ] suffer or want to pull. your dick off and that's why you know. people hire hit men and [ __ ] to kill. their ex-wives and kill their. ex-husbands. well yeah people don't get less crazy as. they age no. no. no no no no no no no no no a lot of.

times they get more because then they. realize it's almost over. the ride's over and uh now you know. you're a 65 year old lady no one wants. to [ __ ] you. and you're a 65 year old man no one's a. [ __ ] you either and now all sudden you. guys are battling you know. yeah but battling over finances and this. and that i gave you the best years of my. life oh that's my favorite i did i did a. girl once someone broke up she said i. wasted all this time with you i said oh. i go i thought we were dating.

yeah i didn't know you were investing. yeah yeah. yeah i wasted it oh you wasted it well. i guess every relationship when it's. over is a waste like what. that's so bizarre yeah bizarre way of. looking at it yeah enjoy the present. enjoy the time you had together. yeah but if you're thinking about in. terms of like hitching iran on a. successful train yeah if your goal is to. get married and you're with someone for. five years and then you break up like oh. you know i should've been with someone.

else yeah who would have married me now. i gotta find someone else. yeah. the jealousy thing about the the breakup. so it's so normal it's so hard for. people to not be jealous. like no very few people ever break up. and go hey man she's cool it just didn't. work out i was a dick she was she needed. some growing we needed we both needed. time away hey i wish her well i've never. really gotten jealous like i always like. when they move on you know what i mean. when like when they get a new boyfriend. you're just like oh thank god that's.

cause you're a comic you have. opportunities yeah yeah true but it's. like but like you're not their. responsibility anymore you know what i. mean they can still like if they're. single they can still call you up you. know in the middle of the night. yeah still get mad about things like. still let's talk about this again once a. date in someone else you're like all. right yeah you're someone else's problem. now the best is when they have a kid. with someone else you're like yes. it's over baby yeah never talk to you. again i'm free. yeah. it's interesting man it's it's a it's an.

interesting thing when you decide to. touch naked bodies with the person right. you like create this bond by doing. things with your bodies and spending. time together and then you separate but. you're always going to have this yeah. but i used to touch naked bodies with. her you know yeah we used to get. together and we used to do things. together we don't do it anymore but i. did it i did it back in the day i got. her naked and we got naked together yeah. it's history yeah it's history it's. weird you know yeah yeah she'll never. forget i won't either.

we touched each other yeah i like the. idea of like relationships. looking back fondly on relationships i. never felt like i wasted my time the. people that i've dated that i'm like. probably shouldn't have done that but uh. but for the most part i try to uh have. good feelings about it you don't want to. you don't want to hate like a period of. your life no it's pointless but and but. there's lessons learned those ones that. i've had that were like ugh. that's how you know like. what when you date someone and it's cool. when they're they're good you get it.

like i dated this girl long long time. ago who's super negative just super. negative all the time and then i dated. this other girl right afterwards who was. not negative at all she was always. laughing about stuff and joking around. no matter what like even if like her car. getting an accident she'd take a deep. breath and go. well that car's [ __ ] up. and she would start laughing and i was. like oh this there's different ways to. handle things like if you get stuck with. your high school sweetheart and and. she's a pain in the ass forever like you. never understand like there are the.

exact same circumstances one person is. going to handle it completely. differently and if you're with that. person it's going to be a totally. different experience where it'll be a. bonding experience versus them woe is. meaning for the next six months and. bringing it back to i can't even look at. a taurus because it reminds me of when i. got in that accident and taurus hit my. car. like [ __ ] that was a year ago i like. when people are together for a long time. they break up and then the guy gets. married to the next woman he runs into.

instantly instantly it's like he just. like found the opposite of what he'd. been dealing with and was just like so. over the moon about it yeah they had to. marry her right away that happened to a. buddy of mine he dated an actress and. then it was just uh you know it was just. brutal everything was career this career. that was about her career was trying to. help her career and. and then they broke up and he's like i'm. never getting married again a month. later he's with this new chick and he's. living with her two months later and. then he's married six months later i'm. like what happened he goes i realized it. wasn't that i didn't want to be married.

because i just didn't want to be married. to her because i realized like there's. some people out there that i get along. great with yeah and if you don't. if you don't bail on a bad relationship. you don't know that there's you can be. and you are going to be different that's. the other thing like you're d i'm. different with different people you're. different with something like you react. better to certain people and certain. people's personalities you jive better. with them you have more fun with them. it's more entertaining it's and you get.

to like reintroduce yourself you know. the other person knows you for this like. five year period of time when you maybe. you weren't at your best yeah you know. and like but you've already used all. your tricks yeah you know what i mean. like if you give a girl diamond earrings. you can never give her diamond earrings. again for as long as you live you know i. mean it's like that present is over. right for now and then when you get this. one with someone new you can. you know it's a clean slate right you. can impress them yeah they haven't heard. your [ __ ] dumb stories already yeah. you can like you can like i'll listen to. this well i always tell guys.

strive to be the person you pretend to. be when you're trying to get laid. if you can be that person that real. person all the time which is very. difficult to do but if you can be that. person. most of the time if not all the time. you'll have a better life yes i would. agree with that yeah but it's fun to try. to impress people it's fun when you meet. someone like boy wait till they see how. witty i am yeah. yeah i think it's weird like. with me i'm like. i don't like when someone's just into me. just because they know who i am or like.

you're a famous comedian i'm like a. little annoyed but if they have no idea. who i am i'm also a little annoyed you. know it's like it's like this there. should be perks to this. that i'm missing out on yeah um did you. not google me. yeah he's not yeah. comedy fan what are you from another. country what's going on could you. imagine dating someone who didn't like. comedy anthony i love you you're amazing. but. i don't like stand-up. i mean if it was someone who just like. didn't like stand up but thought i was. great i could handle it.

they didn't like stand up in general but. they liked your material and potentially. like do you watch a lot of stand-up me. yeah i watch it at the clubs i very. rarely sit down and watch a special yeah. do you watch the special ever okay. like right now i'm working on and trying. to put together a new hour so i'm trying. to go back and watch stuff but for years. i didn't watch anything um uh but like. it's funny like the three comics that i. watch. are you. dalia and um sebastian because i follow. you guys at the store so it's like i i'm.

in the room sitting there and like. you're the only three that i watch like. i could like rehear i could like recite. your act word for word and i don't watch. anyone else it's so funny to me well i. think it's great to be again at a place. like the store where you can see all. these different styles and all these. different people doing it and you also. see how we kind of influence each other. in the slightest bit and you know that. we're all working in these really hot. rooms where it's all packed and but i. think it's good to sit down and watch. you know john malini when he did his.

what was that where was his radio city. city city or you know. dave chappelle wherever he did his he. did his in dc i think right the big one. wasn't it in dc the last one i think it. was in la the last one well he did the. store with the belly room with the. little one belly room he did the other. one where he's wearing like the military. shirt with the c the oj thing we talked. about that was in la and there was one. in austin. there may have been one more in dc i. thought the most recent bigger one was. in dc but either way the um maybe you're.

right where what well jamie will find it. but. it's i think it's a. it's good to see you know it's good to. see how different people do it. i i always enjoy watching cat williams. particularly in the beginning because. you know like a lot of times he'll just. run out on stage and like he's running. around on stage for like five or ten. minutes before the [ __ ] first joke. comes out and he's pointing at people in. the audience and sweating and going. crazy and it's so different than the way.

anybody that i know does it it's good to. see that too yeah he i think the most. discussed. uh. stand-up special of the past year was. not in a net it was kat williams his. spouse did you see it. yes the one he did from florida where he. opens up with 10 minutes of florida. materials like 15 minutes of. jacksonville material that is like. apparently destroying that we just i. just i couldn't get enough of it we. watched watched it 100 times yeah but it. tapered off pretty hard oh yeah yeah i. tapered off real hard when he was doing.

the the trump stuff it's like wow this. stuff is like half baked yeah it looked. like it looked like he had a bit that. they like made him cut and so he had to. just like do the hour anyway that's what. i assumed from having watched it i doubt. they do that though they don't tell you. to do [ __ ]. they don't tell me to do [ __ ] i don't. think they're gonna tell him to do [ __ ]. they may have been like this is someone. this is already a bit do you know what i. mean as simple as that i don't know it. seemed to me it was almost like. he had some [ __ ] to say but maybe hadn't. been doing a lot of stand-up.

you know like i don't know how much that. guy works out i don't see him anywhere. no i always wonder about those guys like. the guys who you don't see in the clubs. you know like bill you know bill bird. saw a special one day um and we were. doing a set together at the ice house. and uh he came into the green room like. frothing at the mouth. and he's like he goes the the [ __ ]. guy i forgot i know who he's talking. about i'll tell you later but he was. like the [ __ ] guy doesn't do the. clubs anymore he doesn't do the clubs he. goes is it watching this cringy [ __ ].

and he was he was like angry you know. he's like you got to do the [ __ ]. clubs yeah people get too comfortable. you know it's just it's only their fans. they're just preaching to the fan base. yeah you know a guy like bill maher. who's not changing anyone's mind just. like people are people are applauding. they're they're they know they're gonna. applaud before they even get there yeah. i would never do a comedy club he. doesn't know comedy clubs at all i'm. sure he does not. yeah yeah i think you i think you really. have to yeah no i think so too. yeah well he's in this weird category.

too right where he's not just doing. comedy he's got to do everything has to. be political because his whole thing is. about. polit political [ __ ] like his show. his his persona who he is. you know he donated a million dollars to. the democratic party like he's it's all. politics oh all of it and i can't stand. political humor just because it's it's. so easy you know you're either you're. either making everyone mad or you're. making everyone really happy but it. doesn't really matter like what the joke. is yeah you know. yeah yeah.

yeah it's uh. and then if you're doing stuff about. like the speaker of the house. oh my god when someone's like so the. mueller report it's like [ __ ] man like. no yeah you know who's like super deep. into politics on the right is nick. apollo like every time i talk to him. yeah he wants to talk about the [ __ ]. steele dossier yeah yeah yeah. let's talk about all this different all. the [ __ ] obama did how about when obama. did this well yeah how do you know yeah.

i don't even know this i know the the. knowledge of it like i once got a phone. call like before the last election. like you know a year ago and they're. like we want to ask you about like how. involved would you say are you with. politics and i'm like very actually i'm. pretty passionate right now um. and like how informed would you say you. i'm like i'm i'd say i'm very informed. and then like okay and they start asking. me questions and i did not know what the. [ __ ] they were talking about like i. hadn't heard of any of these things any. of these bills like i have no idea i.

have no idea what's going on it's like. the difference between a casual sports. fan and someone who really understands. all the drafts and all the pics from. different colleges and with this guy's. got potential and this guy needs to work. on his defense. another 40 times yeah yes yeah the. people who know the combine numbers hey. bench pressed 225 47 times like there's. just people that know that stuff and. like. it's exhausting because it. it's so involved like you have to if you. really want to be paying attention to. everything that's going on with nancy. pelosi you gotta you gotta be paying.

attention to that all day long. and most of the people that do that. they're nuts like you're it's just it's. like sports it's sports but in a. different way like you're just this is. the thing that you're wrapped up in. although it does shape our world you. know yeah. as like right-wing comics go though. there's not a lot of like nick apollo's. the king because he's actually really. [ __ ] funny like he's right-wing. as like a person and you know he's.

conservative but he's also a great. stand-up comedian but did he get more. right yes. as he got older yeah so he wasn't always. because i remember depaulo he's one of. my favorites uh you know when i would. see him on tv as a kid and i know him a. little bit now but uh the the right. thing seemed to come up more and more in. the past 10 years yeah he was always an. angry guy. but he became like an old angry guy. that's really into politics as he got. older yeah yeah.

i mean. i guess part of it is like it works for. him like it's people love to hear it. like there's not a lot of those guys. like who does the right. have to bank on in terms of like comics. that they could go see. tim allen. barely does he do stand-up anymore i. think he does like i think he goes up. the lap factory does he thinks yeah okay. so maybe he's one of those guys like. what was the last time you want to say. six months ago you know what i mean oh. yeah you know what i mean i don't i.

don't know maybe i'm wrong but who else. okay so you got tim allen and nick. apollo. there's got to be more there must be. i mean. norton kind of leans right a little bit. more libertarian. but he doesn't do a lot of politic jokes. he'll talk about it but who the [ __ ]. else there's like no one but if you. wanted to like left-wing comedians you. could start with michelle wolfe and work. your way up oh yeah there's there's. millions of them michelle wolf wasn't. even like left-wing i think the. correspondence dinner everyone's like.

this is a star-making turn and i think. it almost ruined her really like yes. because her show netflix was called the. break. like it was called the break and was. like we're gonna take a break from all. of this. and just talk about like other things. going on in the world we don't need to. be focused on politics and after that. after the correspondence dinner it was. like the opening show was like her going. after sarah huckabee sanders and you're. like oh you got forced into this. you know you found a niche yeah.

yeah. it's tricky. if you find a thing that like works and. then people like you should really. concentrate on that like i remember. jamie masada gave a friend of mine. advice once way back in the day he's. like you should be generation x guy when. you go on stage you should be i'm from. generation x every time you know like my. generation generation x think this and. talk like that like she was giving him. advice and i was like listen to me don't. listen to that has jimmy massad ever. given good advice i don't know asked.

tiffany hash. she's still he manages it right so he's. doing something right he manages her. yeah. like recently i actually fired everybody. maybe she fired him too yeah i don't. know. she's a wild woman she can do whatever. the [ __ ] she wants now you know. but you know i'm so happy for her i knew. her when the [ __ ] wasn't going well you. know. she's always been wild though she's a. wild person she seems like yeah in a. good way yeah yeah she's one of the two.

people that i saw like on stage was like. oh you're going to be a star yeah like i. didn't know anything about her but i was. just like you just. star was it when she was queefing into. the microphone no no it was not that it. was not that you ever see her do that no. dude she can make the most ungodly. sounds with her vagina like for real. yeah yeah she takes the microphone she. puts it. on her [ __ ] and goes. like she knows how to do it she has a. apparently she has an ability. to make a noise with her vagina on cue. thank you but i did go before her at the.

improv. i would if i had to follow that i'd be. furious in front of six people yeah. can i get a new mic please. yeah i followed her before i didn't even. think about it i probably should have. yeah i feel like the genes are filtered. enough. yeah you hope so yeah we'd hope yeah so. it's not ideal yeah you like that type. of person like that wild personality. that like a gallic has that ass like. what the [ __ ] else could she have done. other than stand up.

i don't know but there's a lot of those. people out there that never find stand. up oh sure their life just becomes chaos. like the crazy person at the office yeah. you know it's just stuck there and you. know you get fired from enough of those. jobs so you can't even get that office. job anymore because you know the word. gets out oh yeah don't hire tiffany that. crazy [ __ ] she's never gonna be there. and when she is there she's gonna queef. into the [ __ ] loudspeaker. yeah. yeah. yeah you this i wish. i mean part of me says no.

i don't wish that there was like some. sort of an organized program to get into. comedy because figure it out i figured. it out you figured it out all of us did. but then part of me says man there's so. many kids out there there's probably a. 16 year old kid right now who sees the. hypocrisy. in. all the things these adults are doing. and he [ __ ] hates class and he's. sitting there right now going nuts or. there's a girl who's feeling the same. way. about all her stupid friends and her mom. and all these [ __ ] people that want. her to be a certain way she's like jesus.

christ i gotta get the [ __ ] away from. these people. and and she makes her friends laugh but. nobody ever tells her hey listen to me. you could do this you could talk [ __ ]. about things like you could be a really. funny comedian like you got to figure. out a way to do that. nobody does that like you you it's so. the the number of people that have the. but like how many people have you ever. met in your life that had the potential. to be a comic but never did it like. you're around them you're like damn this. guy's funny. could have been a comic five or six you. know there are people who were like as.

funny as me. in college. who just went on and got jobs and i got. funnier you know like that i knew people. like that or people one of the funniest. guys ever in my life was like uh was. like an executive producer's pa but he. was so goddamn funny i couldn't believe. it but he like i don't think would have. translated to the stage there's. something like there's something you. have to figure out. in yourself to become a good comedian. even if you're the funniest guy in the. world yes you know it's a different. it's a different muscle you know. yeah.

but and i like that there's so many. different ways to do it like i started. in la and people were like you should. not start in la hey did too yeah ari did. too i think it helped me because it was. like you had to get good right away well. ari did open mics in dc. at first but then basically started out. in l.a when i met him he was a doorman. at the comedy store and about just a raw. open micro. yeah it's hard it's hard to start out in. la but it can be done especially now. especially we don't know any better you. know right. like i didn't i found out like years. after i'd started in la that you should.

not start in la yeah it wasn't like i. was gonna move. and go i was already living here when i. decided to do stand-up but i wasn't. gonna like move to chicago yeah uh and. start there ugh yeah some people do. and they it doesn't seem to work no i. don't know anybody who's ever moved from. la to like a satellite community like. denver or somewhere like that unless. they were like already really. established i don't know anybody who was. starting out who moved somewhere where. it worked out well no they always they. come back or like they go to austin you.

know i'm going to try it out there and. it's like it doesn't you're just. starting over yeah you got to start. there. this. yeah there's no right or wrong way to do. it but man it would be nice if somebody. sort of collected. thoughts. on how like what to do and what not to. do yeah like some people are like oh you. got to get in the road just get on the. road and like and it's like no that. that's not great advice if you're doing. sea rooms it's just gonna make you hate. the road right i've seen people who just. look like.

worn through they're like they're just. like every night they're going up and. they're either like have to be like a. crowd pleaser because the person's just. coming to see comedy like i'm so lucky. people come to see anthony jesselnik and. not just a comedy show yeah because. that's that can be brutal and painful. and i know a lot of people who are like. no just get in the road and then their. act suffers they have this like hacky. act all of a sudden because they had to. do it like that you know what what gives. me like serious anxiety when i find out. that someone got a vegas residency. i go.

how many nights a week six. six nights a week. at the stratosphere. it sounds i mean. someone told me david spade was thinking. about doing one. and he went to go see louis anderson who. was doing one this is before baskets and. he was like it was just the saddest. thing i'd ever seen. like that was like carlin's last stand. was a vegas residency did he have a. vegas residency yeah where was he at i. forget where he was but he had like a. meltdown where he like. went off on the crowd. just like talk calling them all pieces.

of [ __ ] really and yeah and then had to. go to rehab was like i'm i'm addicted to. painkillers like and then i don't think. he ever. ever performed again. well he died. before like he died like he was. performing. when he died. i mean i think he was. at a hotel. i'm pretty sure he was sleeping in a. hotel that he was performing at when he. died i would believe that but then that. last special he did. was terrible he's like reading half of. it oh i didn't see that it was it was it.

was just like a you know a swan song for. him but i think that was after the vegas. residency so he must have been doing. more yeah his. schedule was very very hectic and. unusual he was doing one hour a year an. hour special that he would film. and he would write it all out. like he would write it all out and then. tweak it a little bit but it was more of. a monologue than it was like set up. punchline jokes. and. he seemed to be. he was falling into this.

more like a is so more of a social. commentator in some aspects than he was. a stand-up towards the end you know what. i mean oh yeah and someone told me that. he a lot of the reason he did an hour. every year was because uh like tax. problems the irs was coming at him hard. and uh so he had to be working that much. and it kind of made him miserable you. know the story about. his 9 11 story right. um tell me where he recorded a special. called i kind of like it when a lot of.

people die that was the name of the. special that's right and he has this. whole it closes with a big long. 20-minute thing about like when he hears. about people dying like the more the. better and he filmed it. on like september 10th. and then the next day came in and was. like we've got we've got to cancel this. but no one can ever see this or hear. this and now you can get the album but. even in the album he's reading it like. they destroyed the actual footage from. the taping really yeah they destroyed it. oh he was just like no one can ever see. this.

wow recorded in vegas i did mgm grand on. september 9th and 10th. september 9th and 10th that's crazy. yeah what was it called but i i kind of. like it when a lot of people die. jesus christ. he must have woken up the morning of. september 11th and go did i manifest. this yeah look at that i kind of like it. when a lot of people die and so the. audio cd it's just him talking it's like.

him working out. the uh wait a minute it says streaming. uh like the audio streaming with amazon. prime's audio so there's no video of it. on i don't know. see if there is some some. person who works somewhere might have. preserved it i mean i feel like i would. have heard about it i mean i listened to. the bit and it's he's like i've got to. read this is how i do it so it's like a. very early version of it but uh it's not. great. but i mean i can't i can't even imagine. taping a special on september 10th he.

had some dark moments in his career i i. took some friends to see him in 1988. at the hampton beach. casino. i think that's what it was called in. hampton beach new hampshire it's like a. place where people would go up for. vacation and we went to see uh. george carlin there way back in the day. and he always had the same opening act. and the same opening act i kind of knew. even back then because i was i guess i. was an open micro then i was just. starting out um i knew there were. certain guys they took people on the. road with them that were terrible.

that they took people on the road with. them they just didn't they weren't good. comics but they made them look like. heroes. because they were friends with them or. because they just wanted to have like. the worst comic ever go up before them. it's a good question. you know you'd have to i guess it would. vary. but for sure there's certain comics that. like it when people go on in front of. them suck they do and they want that. you know there's certain comics that you. see them taking people on the road and. you look at you like what the [ __ ]. you're taking that guy with you like. what are you doing why are you torturing.

people like that yeah. but uh. the opening acted better than george. like he he had a terrible set. he had this whole rant that he was doing. because he was like he had and. unquestionably one of the greatest. comics of all time but he had hours that. were just not good and there was a. period of time where it seemed like he. just missed it like it was like it was. missing whether it was his personal life. was off or whatever it was. but he had this whole. rant that was like [ __ ] this and he was.

like and [ __ ] israel and [ __ ] comedy. clubs like he was saying [ __ ] comedy. clubs like this was like this whole bit. and he was reading it off of a yellow. legal pad. and the whole audience was like standing. there like not understanding like where. this was going like we're waiting for. the jokes where's the hilarity whereas. and it wasn't it just didn't exist and. my friends were mad at me. really cause i've taken i had taken them. from where we live we lived in revere. and we all. drove all the way up to new hampshire. like yeah we're gonna go see george.

collins it's gonna be awesome and it was. terrible it's funny i remember louis ck. in like an interview years ago was. talking about how. he took the pressure came off of him to. always have a good show but he said. audience members love saying oh i saw. george carlin once and he was awesome. but they really loved saying you know i. saw carlin once and he was horrible like. they they still get the experience and. the story of it and that that's it's. theirs forever i don't have to worry. about doing a bad it's way better though.

if they say you were funny i think it's. i think to see a legend bomb would be uh. would be great. well if you were a carlin fan you got to. see those if you want to see him live a. bunch of times. yeah he had those rough spots man. you know it's um. it's one of those things if you're gonna. do an hour of stand up. every year. you're gonna have some rough ones. there's no way around that oh 100 it. seems like that's just. i mean it can be done i think it can be.

done i mean i think you can put together. like i'm six months in from my last. special i think i could do another. special in six months but it wouldn't be. as good as my last one i don't think. yeah i just don't think it would i just. think you need time yeah. one a year is crazy one year's it's. insane like they're guys like jimmy carr. who while they're touring they're. writing jokes and just putting them away. so at the end of the tour when they tape. the special they have all these jokes. they can go through and look at and then.

start the new tour from that that seems. like. i like to sit in my set you know what i. mean i just want to be focused on that. yeah and not always be writing the next. thing but some people who are just like. i'm just going to go up and talk and. it's happening a lot now i think with. like the prevalence of netflix specials. people just want the money and they're. famous enough they can just go up and. just. get through it i'm like this is your. legacy yes like why would you want to. put out a bad special ever i don't care. what they're paying you. make sure it's great i feel the same way.

and i feel like those people that watch. that when you do do that and if you. don't acknowledge that you [ __ ] them. over they're never going to trust you. again if you don't say hey. look that one wasn't a good special i. gave it a shot it just wasn't right it. didn't come out right i thought it was. pretty good and then the taping didn't. go well and. if you don't do that they're not going. to listen to you man they're like this. is my best work like this oh this is. your best work yeah well what the [ __ ]. you can like fool them once yeah and i. mean like if i want if i went on tour. right now and just did the same material.

from the special like people would be. like okay but they're not coming back. the next time right you know they're. gonna get mad at you yeah yeah. yeah when you do a special once it's on. netflix you're done with that material. it's over done. some people don't i try not even to. remember it like i'm an idiot in the way. that i i like assume that the entire. audience. has seen everything i've ever done good. like i really do think that and it's. like even if it's one guy in the back. who's like i've heard these before no. one else has heard it it still drives me. crazy yeah uh that i can't i don't it's.

i've got too much pride i have the same. feeling and i'll say sometimes too and. here's like if something comes up i go i. have an old bid on this. and i'll say the bit but i'll let them. know this is an old bit like this is you. know i got this old bit. yeah some some people though. they when someone comes to see like jim. gaffigan they if they don't see hot. pockets oh they get [ __ ] mad i saw. gaff again in toronto a couple years ago. and he did. killer hour just walks out does the hour.

says thank you good night walks off. stage walks right back on. and does hot pockets doesn't ask who. wants to hear hot pockets just goes. right into it does the whole 10 minute. thing and then says good night and walks. off stage. well bert christ is that way with the. machine like he has to tell that [ __ ]. story yeah even though people see it. they want to see it live. yeah he's trapped and i mean if i had. more stories i could get away with it. but. but once you hear the joke. you know it's it's over yeah it doesn't.

doesn't work again yeah seinfeld still. does old old stuff he does really old. stuff and he's done two specials of old. stuff. that he's that like he's already put on. specials. i went and saw him at the palladium uh. about a year or two ago. and it was one of the worst shows i've. ever seen like i had like a splitting. headache and i was like furious really. and one of my friends another comic that. i respect a lot gave him a standing. ovation and i was like are you [ __ ]. kidding me he was like i understand why.

you feel the way you do but i just love. seeing the act and i was like i couldn't. believe it and then i saw seinfeld again. at clusterfest he was in the big outdoor. stage with a bunch of like for kids. completely different hour and murdered. like destroyed it was like he has like. corny stuff depending on what what the. audience you know is if everyone's. sitting there wearing a yarmulke he's. got one act and if it's a bunch of kids. he's got he's got a cool hip act really. yeah so you went to the yarmulke crowd. yeah.

interesting. what was bad about that. it was aggressively corny and. just aggressively corny is a funny. phrase yeah. a good like you'd like thank you for. coming to the show i know you know we're. like should we go to the show should we. go should we go to the show should we. get do we uber. how do we get to the show do we really. want to go now i'm like i can't believe. he's doing this right now but people. were eating it up like everyone around. me was going nuts and loving it uh but. it was just like. old man corny oh man cause you see.

seinfeld on like a talk show and he's. like mean kind of biting and you're like. oh this is great like he's hilarious and. i expected more of that but when i saw. him in clusterfest i got that. you know what is clusterfest it's that. uh it's like the uh it's the third year. this year festival in san francisco like. it's like comedy central in coachella. put together a uh put together a thing. it's all comedy uh comedy music there's. some music. whenever i see festivals i always assume. someone's getting ripped off that's what.

i think my my impression is all right. who's getting the money who's who's. getting the money out of this that's how. i feel about like montreal but there's. the occasional bigger festival you're. like okay this much for. for like one show in toronto like yeah. i'm totally in i'm totally so sometimes. it's great and sometimes it's nothing. yeah the just for laughs thing. my issue with that is i got in when i. was a zero like i got in just for laughs. when i was uh four years into comedy i. think. five i was terrible you know i had like.

a ten minute set that i could do and it. could get some laughs. but i became a part of just for laughs. like when. it was helping me i wasn't helping it. but then when i see festivals where i. see like. a lot of names. on a thing and i'm like well who's. funding this like sponsored by southwest. airlines like what is this like weird. corporate mishmash that you've put. together and who's profiting off of this. like it's not the comedians like i get. you you put it all together but then you. find out how much how much the comedians.

are getting like where's the rest of the. money going there's a lot of money in. that audience this is a big place yeah. you know just. some are better than others but like and. sometimes it's like we're going to take. a loss all the sponsors are going to. lose money on this but we're going to. like that riot fest. in la they would do every year it's done. now but they did it like four or five. years in a row no no no never made money. it was a comedy festival in downtown l.a. really yeah. see that's how much i i have an aversion. to those things i don't even know when. they're taking place because i say no to. everything i'm like no you're not just.

priced out of it no just like people are. like oh i don't i haven't done the. college in years and it's not like i've. got a problem with colleges it's just. like they can't afford well. i stopped doing colleges when they could. afford me. because i just would just i would be. performing in front of 18 year olds i'm. like this is ridiculous i just like. there's too many of them that don't have. life experience. this they're they're growing minds. and you can make them laugh with some. things but they haven't experienced. what i like. it's like i'm happily married but if i. wasn't i'd like a chick who's a little.

bitter i like a older chick keeps. herself fit he's experienced a lot in. life who understands she understands. that life is up and down there's. hardships i'm not interested in anyone. who's young and delusional and bubbly. yeah. no. when you go to perform in front of 18. year olds like they have this like this. delusional version of what the world. should be and. social justice and all these ideas about. the economy and all these ideas about. socialism and all these ideas like i'm.

exhausted already i can't i can't do. this i still think it's fun i think it's. fun to watch them just be like holy [ __ ]. you don't have to do one show you know. what i mean it's like like. maybe they they can leave if they want i. i don't feel any pressure. i mean. casinos more than more than uh colleges. but i loved like even if it went bad it. was an interesting bad and you're and. you're getting paid so much money that. you're like i don't care i don't care. how this goes and i've had some go real. i used to go to the college and say uh.

what should i not talk about and then. whatever they said i would open with. that. and it worked every time except. colorado's school of mines what is that. the colorado school of mechanisms it's. like a um. it's a engineering school like a good. one yeah school of mines mines yeah it's. a famous m-i-n-e or m-i-n-d. like digging i thought you were saying. mines too i was with joe. and they said do not talk about abortion.

and i was like okay and i went up and. opened with an abortion joke and then. died for an hour like they never forgave. me. i just completely ate [ __ ]. was it a good abortion joke. i assume. i mean i would write it in advance to. having a bad abortion joke is like if. you're gonna tell like have a joke about. abortion it better be great you know or. you're uh or you're in some real trouble. well there are those people that think. that when you touch on controversial. subjects that there's like a little. there's weight to objects right like.

there's certain things that have more. weight to them like if you can get. through if you can actually get the bit. to work it will have like an artificial. amount of momentum connected to it. because the fact that it has all this. weight yeah it's just more tension yeah. but if you can cut that tension the. laugh is bigger yeah sure yeah but if. you can't oh no if it's over yeah yeah. they're just like mad at you for even. trying yeah you know i don't think. people get mad really that people make. jokes about awful things they get mad at.

the idea that people think it's funny. yeah you know it's not so much you told. a cancer joke it's like you think cancer. is funny it's like no i don't that's why. i'm making a joke about it you know. that's like it's that's that's the. process but i really think it's like. it's hearing an audience laugh at it. more than hearing a comic like if a. comic tells a cancer joke and it bombs. no one really gets mad at them if it's. like killing that's when people get. upset well your act is. so controversial you have so many. subjects and there's so much. tongue-in-cheek and there's so much.

where you're you know you you say mean. [ __ ] on stage i would imagine that you. get people upset at you quite a bit i. used to and honestly now it's like i've. been like grandfathered in and like it's. funny like i used to get people i would. tweet a joke and some people would the. comments of people getting mad at me and. now what happens is i tweet a joke. and then my fans start tweeting their. own jokes underneath it like tagging. and people get mad at them. it's like i'm just like the guy who is. allowed to do it and people just stopped. getting mad at me all of a sudden and.

well you had a show called the jaisal. neck offensive. i mean it's like you you do you are sort. of grandfathered in but it's also like. your style yeah it's like it's like. being mad at. slayer for being loud mm-hmm like what. do you that's what they do exactly what. are you talking about yeah you're like. but i like classical music it's like so. what go listen to that. yeah yeah that is the weird thing about. comedy too right it's like when you go. to see comedy you could see all sorts of. different styles whereas when you go to. see music if you go to a club it's like.

a blues club you expect to see blues. like you're going there on purpose you. don't it's not like a blues band. followed by a country band followed by a. hardcore band like it doesn't. but that's what you get when you go to a. comedy club. you can get guns and roses followed by. barry manilow and you're like what is. this place yeah you know like a main. room show on a saturday night you're. gonna get virtually every genre of. comedy there is. i mean i like that i'm glad it's like. that because i hate like when i used to. tour and i couldn't bring my own opener.

you know i would get to town like oh. jake has been begging us to open for you. like when the open view so badly for. months we so we're letting him open for. you and he does my act for 15 minutes. before he brings me on stage i was like. i hate this is he if you have someone. actually do your actual material not my. material but like though my mannerisms. you know short dark jokes you know like. that my attitude they've just like taken. it and they're like oh if he anthony. sees me he'll be like oh you're like me.

come do that i'm like i don't want to. see me you know i don't want to see. anyone like me. ever i don't want to like someone's like. oh this guy does really dark one liners. you'd love it i'm like i don't ever want. to see it i don't ever want to look at. it because that's what i do right you. know i like i want to see goofy silly. just like the opposite of me yeah joey. diaz likes to bring girls on stage he. likes to bring girls on the road with. them because he said he wants the. audience to see something totally. different and he wants to give the women. in the audience that are with their. boyfriends that are there to see him. like he's like this is good like it'll.

balance it out i bring a lot of female. openers mostly just i want completely. different i don't want the same even. like i don't want them talking about the. same subjects as me yeah you know and. then and that's you that usually avoids. it uh completely. but i don't know i don't know how much. i'm doing it for the the girlfriends of. the of the guys who who come. certainly you know their people come. afterwards and they're like i i like you. better than the headliner it's like. it is where you start taking someone on. the road with you and then their act. starts morphing. and becoming like yours.

like their style sorts because they see. what what's working and so they start. it's like a natural thing like like you. saying you can't watch tell anymore. you know especially with someone who's. opening for you got to think they're in. the developmental period oh yeah i've. had mcs who by the end of the weekend or. like that's a great joke and i'm like. that's my line like you can't i know. it's fun to do but like you can't do it. when you're opening for me like you've. just been watching me all weekend and. now you're copying my manual that's. annoying yeah because then you have to. think about it mm-hmm.

oh you have to watch them is there any. places where you just don't work anymore. like any cities where you like [ __ ] this. place. do you work in miami. in miami i try not to i'll do i'll do a. theater in miami or like close by but i. would never do a club down there like. miami's like new orleans new orleans is. one of my favorite cities in the world. but like they have [ __ ] going on yeah. they don't care about your comedy right. you know miami there's just too much. else to do. and new orleans they've got like their. music and their food and their alcohol. they don't care about comedy like you. can you can do a show there but it's not.

uh it's not that fun it's not that fun. yeah but um. [Music]. miami might be the one but i'll do like. fort lauderdale you know like places. around that yeah uh florida can be tough. miami adjacent yeah florida's tough man. yeah it's tough that's a that is the. weirdest [ __ ] state in the country. for sure. yeah i'm trying to think of any other. place that i was like they're clubs i. would never go back to what about. connecticut. connecticut i think i just did somewhere.

in connecticut and had a great i had a. great time like they were just like they. were like grateful that i was there. some places you go and they're just like. oh i can't believe you came here yeah. this is awesome yeah but there was i. went to one club where just like. the the owner of the club. made his made the green room his office. and would just sit in there and like be. watching tv and talking to me the entire. i'm like surely you're going to leave. with 20 minutes before i go on stage and. just what just in your face the whole. time like that was why he owned the club.

was to. talk to comics and i just like no lost. my mind where was this. um. i probably shouldn't say but i will. don't say uh. would it sound like um. columbus ohio. i think uh i think fuji's. think what hoosiers hoosiers what where. the indiana yeah next door oh okay. okay. you ever been there um i think i did a. show there once yeah yeah. coming up it was like it was like a cool.

club to go do and then i finally got. there and like like a year or so ago and. i was like. you know my friends i was like why did. why does everyone love this club so much. and they're like we couldn't wait to. hear what you thought of him we couldn't. wait to hear how mad you would get this. guy. the weird thing is when a guy owns the. club but then he's also the mc do you. ever have that happen oh the worst. the absolute worst. i can't stand that yeah that's not good.

no yeah. is there any places in uh overseas that. you really enjoy working yeah i went on. a big european tour uh this summer. and did uh did like did the standards. you know did a couple nights in london. couple nights in edinburgh during the. festival those were fun um and then like. places off the beaten path that i was. like i want to do berlin and i want to. do warsaw and they're like there's no. market and i'm like i want to do those. those are the two most fun shows of the. whole tour and it was like 300 people. maybe but uh but they were just so.

grateful you were there and they were. they were awesome and they understand. english like you would they they. understand it better than they can speak. it so they laugh at every joke nothing. goes over their heads they don't change. any references i've really loved uh the. european tour. that's cool because if you do in a place. of like 300 seats even if it's a. primarily uh you know german or. polish-speaking country there's going to. be enough people that speak english that. can come to your show. yeah a lot of expats you know and like.

and they they all say they got comedy 10. years ago youtube is what did it for. them so they all they have these. stand-up comedy scenes that are all 10. years old. and they're all like. they're they're like bad for for people. doing it 10 years old they're still. hacky you know they're like a generation. away from from getting good but i. remember in warsaw they were like this. is a historic day for polish comedy like. you're the first american comic like big. american comedy to come here and do a. show and now i think burr's going there. or maybe just went there uh but they're.

uh they're getting more and more people. warsaw. what is poland like. honestly we like got into the airport i. saw our luggage was wasn't there went. straight to the gig went on stage. uh went to the hotel and the next. morning flew to budapest like we didn't. get to see any of warsaw or do anything. there that was one of those cities that. was just there was just nothing to do. but when i had my old comedy central. show the justin nick offensive someone. at comedy central says listen we can. look at google.

and tell you where you're googled all. around the world. america by far the most canada close. second and then war and then uh poland. is number three and i'm like poland why. and they go they think you're polish. you look polish they think they assume. you're polish so i'm like let's book a. show there and have all these people. come out and whoever told me that. [ __ ] lied to me like they would they. were like what we don't think you're. polish like why would you think you're. polish like no we don't give a [ __ ] i. don't know who's told you that. what is gesselnick slovenian oh yeah do.

you ever go there no never been. never do a show there it was it's kind. of um i think i thought about it but it. was just like routing you know what i. mean it's like do i want to deal with. what i have to deal with to get to. slovenia right when i can just go. you know from do australia at all yeah. i just did australia i did like uh i did. a few weeks like one week at the very. end of the tour what'd you do i did uh. brisbane adelaide uh. melbourne and sydney.

melbourne and sydney is the only places. i've done but it's [ __ ] amazing. they're great i love those two yeah if. the world war three hits and that place. doesn't get nuked that's the spot you. think so yeah it's on the other side of. the planet wasn't there a book though. where like that happens and everyone. goes to australia but there's like a. cloud of radiation coming that's. eventually gonna get them. [ __ ] maybe we just get a big fan. blow that [ __ ] to russia i bet that. would work i'm gonna shoot the giant fan. look if they can figure out how to nuke. an entire country with a few bombs they.

drop out of airplanes. or shoot out of rockets i should be able. to build a giant fan build a big fan. yeah why is that so hard like i was. reading this [ __ ] about space junk do. you know how much space chunk there is. like there's stuff floating around in. space like thousands of pieces of [ __ ]. just flying around broken satellites. parts is it all just broken satellites. or all kinds of [ __ ] yeah all kinds of. stuff stuff from you know like when. rockets take off and then they eject and. they leave little pieces of stuff up in. there and and is it like in a ring like.

it's like a saturn type ring or is it. just everywhere it's everywhere yeah. it's all over the planet. it's like it's cut it's in the sky like. it's in the ocean it's like there's. pieces of [ __ ] just flying around above. our head and like they have to be. cognizant about it if they're going to. launch a rocket yeah like you could run. into it space debris and human. spacecraft. they all travel at speeds up to 17. 500 miles an hour. more than 500 000 pieces of debris or.

space junk are tracked as the orbit. earth think of that they travel at. speeds up to 17. 500 miles an hour small enough for a. relatively small piece of orbital debris. to damage a satellite or a spacecraft. that's how uh what's that movie with. sandra bullock yeah that starts gravity. yeah yeah so this nice junk to go comes. across yeah they're like fixing a. satellite and something comes by and. like it hits mix it and the next thing. you know yeah [ __ ] that [ __ ] can happen.

and they don't know what to do either. like to throw a net up there what are. you gonna do i think like some kind of. like magnet satellite that would just. detract everything. right. but then it would probably get too heavy. oh i think we'll probably take out. things that you needed so. yeah is this the junk that we can track. over time it starts in 57 there's only. two things out there in that oh. god we're gross. we're so gross. i bet the oceans a similar similar story. wow look at all the [ __ ] around it's. even worse oh my god that's incredible.

that's all real i don't know. 2015 the entire. low inner. like. near-earth orbit is covered with [ __ ]. space debris. satellites and nonsense i mean at what. point in time i mean we've only been. traveling into space since the 1960s. right so what when is this going to end. like that's that's not that long ago. that's 50 plus years ago what are they. going to do when it's 100 years from now. 500 years from now i mean are we going. to be able to see the sun i'm going to. just look up and just see space [ __ ].

floating overhead so i said it's only. 500 000 pieces earth's pretty [ __ ]. big still we'd have to get a lot. i guess like i had a snap effect that it. said if you dug a hole through the earth. it would take you 42 minutes to fall. through it it's like how [ __ ] big is. that. that's a long long straw fall yeah it's. a long floor austin i was thinking would. you stop in the middle. it died it would get cooked i know but. in theory but if you didn't yeah yeah if. it was just a tube a. zero temperature or neutral temperature. tube i wonder how like how accurate.

snapple facts really have to be like has. anyone ever called [ __ ] on. i don't drink that [ __ ] so i don't read. those things i didn't know they had. snapple facts until you just said that. what i didn't. they used to have like little things on. the caps like you say it makes sense to. me but i don't think i've ever read one. of them. i used to always read them you know yeah. i can't remember any of them get angry. had a snapple fact. no i have gotten mad at like a bazooka. joe comic.

like this [ __ ] you kidding me. yeah this is [ __ ] they phone it in. sometimes yes big time well comics in. general i think some like there's great. comics there's really funny comics but. then there's comic strips that have. existed forever and they're [ __ ]. terrible and for some reason or another. they just still exist oh yeah do they. anymore though like is there still a sec. i haven't read a newspaper like a. physical print i think it's smaller and. smaller uh. than it ever has been before but like.

they're still cranking out garfield you. know garfield's still a thing yeah. and the guy jim davis garfield has. nothing to do with it he's like golfing. and like collecting money and and he's. got ghost writers so it's just like the. worst [ __ ] ever oh wow so he hires. people to do it and he makes all the. money mm-hmm he's probably worth a. billion dollars oh i guarantee that the. merchandise those [ __ ] things you. stick on your car alone remember those. were everywhere yeah that like yeah it's. all. so i think the calvin and hobbes guy. would never let them make.

toys. of calvin and hobbes he saw the books. yeah. he didn't want that money that calvin. and hobbes plus he didn't want he didn't. want his creation being like he didn't. want to be like jim davis. um that's i think the best. like the best comic ever. uh. gotta be gary larson's the far side. those things [ __ ] hold up did you. ever read those back in the day he. retired a long time ago no that's good. stuff great right and then. who did dunesbury.

that's like the political one right. that's still is that his name maybe yeah. what the [ __ ] who the [ __ ] was it. trudeau what's his first name. gary trudeau. isn't that what's the name the guy who. runs canada. justin justin. that guy yeah i never got doonesbury i. never like it was like too clever i was. like okay i guess they're taking down. ronald reagan or something but i don't. know what the [ __ ] they're talking about. dunesbury is weird too because they. basically.

they pigeonholed hunter s thompson. and turned him into this they had a. character that they were doing i think. he wound up suing them. yeah there's his character it's. basically the exact same guy just. slightly different and he was always. like shooting off guns and doing a bunch. of crazy [ __ ]. i forget his name. i forget the name of the guy they gave. him a different name like uncle. something or another yeah but that was. their. i mean that was gary trudeau's take on.

hunter s thompson and it wound up. driving hunter s thompson nuts. is this still real he's still doing. like he's doing trump. this that's 2017. wow. no kidding. wow. yeah but he um. so he created this character that was. basically the most exaggerated versions. of hunter s thompson when hunter s. thompson was [ __ ] around and it sort. of defined who hunter s thompson was to. a lot of people because instead of being.

this brilliant journalist who you know. this great writer. he also became this kind of like. guy who just shoots guns and is always. drunk yeah you know and then you fall. into that trap. i think comedians. that have a persona like oftentimes fall. like you know dice. that's not you know his real name is. andrew silverstein and the dice. character. was a part of his act he had a bunch of. different things he would do impressions. how do we do a travolta impression yeah.

yeah phenomenal yeah phenomenal travolta. impression and then the dice man became. like a part of his act and then he just. decided that's the best part so i'm just. gonna do dice all the time and then he. decided you know what [ __ ] living like a. regular person it was gonna be dice all. the time so he became. the guy. in his act i mean that's who he is like. most of the time oh yeah yeah. kennison kenneth's another similar. similar situation i never met kennison. kennedy i mean he died well before i got. into stand up but i've never met dice.

and i've always liked saying his praises. like i think the day the laughter died. is one of the greatest comedy albums of. all time uh and uh and i've just never. met him he's great yeah i'll introduce. you next time i see him at the store if. you're there i've heard great stories he. must like. he must know who i am she must be aware. yeah yeah i once did governor what if he. wasn't will you be mad i wouldn't be mad. i would be surprised just because i've. spoken about him publicly that like. if he was if he was wondering why he. sold like a thousand copies of the day. the laughter died after i like talked.

about it on a podcast like he would hear. that if someone says something nice. about you you find out um. but uh. i was at governors once and they were. like all proud they were like dice was. here last weekend and he left one of his. gloves you know with the fingerless. gloves and i was just like. give it to me like what do i have to do. to take this glove home but i like still. have it i like wear it around wear it. around sometimes it's fun do you wear it. write jokes with it oh. i'll like i'll walk around like just. doing doing little little o's but it's. like cigarettes like this yeah.

but uh but yeah love love dice but those. characters when guys get lumped into a. character when you get locked into that. it can be very self-defining you know of. course for kinnison i think it was very. self-defined oh big time i mean i i. thought about that when i was like. creating my persona it was like what's. going to age well. you know like. not like i think of a guy like nick. schwartz you know who's just like party. all the time like like he's a college. kid forever right it's like that how. long can you do that for you know i mean.

it's like still kind of has to do it and. it's still great but i'm like are you. enjoying this. you know like i want to be able to like. kind of. hold on to my dignity you know who's the. best version of it. emo phillips yes that's the best example. because it's like wow like because when. he was a young sort of cute guy. it was kind of strange to watch him do. comedy like this. when you're 60 though and you're doing. that people are like hey man this is. just weird yeah like bobcat talked about.

that like that bobcat had this moment. where he stopped being bobcat and people. like hey man how can we not do the. scream he's like [ __ ] you. i'm not doing it he told me the best. story ever he said he's in uh he's at a. comedy works in denver doing a weekend. and he's eating [ __ ] every show and. every show he's just bombing and. everyone's going do the voice. do the voice and he's like no i'm not i. don't do the voice anymore i'm not doing. the voice. late show saturday. uh someone in the back yells we're from.

aurora do the voice for us. and he goes oh you're from aurora. at least you learned to sit in the back. and he said and this is like a year. after the the shootings. yes a year after that and he said the. entire audience the entire audience. just pretended he didn't say it they. didn't boo they didn't laugh. they just acted like nothing had. happened. and he did the rest of the show he said. it made the whole weekend worth it for. him.

just to say that just to say that yeah. dude i was speaking of which i was. watching a video today you know how. youtube for whatever reason just starts. recommending things and you click on it. watching a video today. on oh this is what it was i was looking. at bulletproof clothing. for whatever reason because i was like i. saw an ad on instagram where this guy. had a bulletproof hoodie on and it. looked like a regular hoodie and he shot. himself is it like a john wick situation. where it's like yes it's like it's like. sewn in between the fabric yeah yeah so.

this guy had a regular hoodie and he. shot himself in the gut with uh a nine. millimeter just bang. while he was playing this video with. like a regular hoodie i was like this is. crazy and this hoodie it looked like a. regular hoodie was but it's some sort of. kevlar or something. so then it recommends this next thing. and this next video that i watch. is on whether or not you should carry. with a bullet in the chamber so it's.

this guy. who's just speculating like that there's. two kinds of people there's kind of. people that thinks they're going to have. enough time. to rack a bullet and there's a bunch of. people that realize that when something. happens it's like being in a car. accident happens quickly and you got to. be prepared you're not going to have. enough time to rack a bullet. and so there's this long discussion as. to whether or not you should have a. bullet in the chamber or not when you. conceal carry and he was talking about. how this guy was open carrying but he.

could see that the guys the hammer was. shut down on the pistol which means he. was going to have to [ __ ] it because it. was a uh a rev not a revolver but a you. know. whatever an autumn semi what is it when. what is it when you call what do you. call one of those when you have to load. it like that. like a nine millimeter like a glock what. is the difference well one's a revolver. revolver revolves so it's not a revolver. it's just a pistol anyway. he was saying because the way the hammer. was you could tell that this guy uh you.

know he was going to have to pull that. hammer back he was going to use that gun. and. i was like this is this is like next. level thinking like these people. everywhere you go someone's worrying. about shooting you and then. i go on to twitter almost like this is. synchronicity and eric weinstein. is a friend of mine says. is this the the year where the debate is. some something in terms of uh. is it appropriate. to bring a loaded gun.

into a place where you worship now to. protect yourself because there's been so. many attacks on people in synagogues at. churches and mosques. and i'm like [ __ ] man. probably. what what is happening here. it's i mean it's bad. i don't i'm not like. uh more today. what do you mean there's two more. attacks today at synagogues there was. one was in a church what were the ones. that that happened today there was two.

smaller ones there was no was there was. the church that was in san diego this. weekend no the. the synagogue in san diego this weekend. but there was another one. like this morning when i was reading the. news. in los angeles yes yeah what was it a. former 26 year old u.s army soldier. served in afghanistan has been charged. with plotting terror attacks in the los. angeles area. uh. rally and long beach. so i saw it's on the front page of here. you got something like it's some sounds. leaking through that's the video did he.

do something or did he just got caught. plotting it says he was accused of. targeting jews as they walked to a. synagogue police officers a military. facility in crowds at the santa monica. pier i think there was another one too. there was another one somewhere else. might have been outside the country. today. it's like [ __ ] like this [ __ ] is ramping. up. yeah. it's getting worse and worse. are you a gun guy i have guns. i wouldn't say i'm a gun guy but i have. them. hunting or like i don't really i have.

hunting guns and i have. safety guns like security guns or. private you know personal protection. guns but. um. i hunt with a bow and arrow mostly. but. of course i'm not opposed to why i say. of course so being sarcastic. i'm not opposed to it what is this. california synagogue attack latest oh. this is the the. they found a social media message i. guess right before it happened. of course.

jesus christ. no i don't know i think there was some. another one that i saw i believe it was. in another country. that's all right it's enough there's so. many i know. i know you're just numb to it well also. that they're char targeting places of. worship now like what the [ __ ] man. do you have guns no would you ever want. one. they make me uncomfortable like i'm not. like against people want to have guns. okay i'm not that's not a hill i'm going. to die on but uh.

i think what's happening with with. schools and and and churches is uh is. reprehensible and it's we are the only. country where this really happens you. know it's not anymore. i mean so it's happening you know uh. around the world but it's. it's happens much more often here yeah. yeah. now there's there's certainly an. argument for that the the real problem. is the gun's already there. it's like how do you what do you do when. you live in a country of 300 plus. million people with 300 plus million. guns like how do you ever eradicate that.

how do you ever how do you shift. the path that we seem to be on like what. do you do i mean everything is like you. know people talk about this and then. like you know how do we do what is it. the culture is it is it this and you. turn on the tv and it's like a video. game commercial or a commercial for a. movie and it's just a super model. spinning around in circles shooting. everything she sees you're like. do you don't think this is having an. effect right like they just make it look. so cool. that if you want to be the hero you.

gotta have a gun you know how about john. wick john wick three come on john what's. my [ __ ] favorite thing ever and i'm. like this is the most glorifying gun. [ __ ] ever but i love it like that's a. problem right it is a problem i mean it. hasn't made me turn into guns you know i. mean i wouldn't say that like video. games you know make this uh video games. are making people more violent i don't i. don't believe that i don't know if there. there's. evidence to back that but i mean i've. always loved. you know. james bond movies you know things like. where guns are. are uh are a big part of it and it's.

never made me want to pick one up well. there's a real argument that that. alleviates some of the need for violence. that people like seeing it and in seeing. it and something like john wick it. actually relaxes people there's a real. argument for that and there's a real. argument that you can make with that. with video games too but that is not. with everybody the problem is certain. people are very susceptible to influence. they're susceptible they're vulnerable. to being influenced or excited in one. particular direction. whether it's.

excited to become radicalized and become. a white nationalist want to shoot up you. know. whatever figure out that whatever the. group is or whether it's. you know there's certain people that. you know. they'll see something in a movie or a. video game it'll make them want to act. that out but they're usually mentally. ill i mean that's that's the real. problem the real problem is mental. illness the type of person that could go. into a synagogue or just start shooting. people that's a mentally ill person. that's oh yeah regardless of whether or. not they have a gun or not that's a sick.

person so we have to figure out like. what's causing this. massive. amount of mental illness in this country. because that's a big it's that's ev the. guy in aurora is a perfect example that. guy was they knew he was sick they they. knew there was something really i mean. if you see the photos of that [ __ ]. guy look at his eyes he was completely. batshit crazy i think there's something. to like when they when they now they've. started to refuse to show the guy's face. you know they won't show because like. this guy's getting glory now and the.

next shooter wants to top that right. that i think they're getting a little. bit smarter about it but what's the. quote uh no man chooses evil because. it's evil they only mistake it for. happiness. um. like i believe that yeah that's a good. quote. yeah they mistake it for happiness or. they want other people to feel what they. feel. they want other people to suffer the way. they're suffering. yeah. with. i mean when you ever have a giant. country filled with people you're going.

to have a broad spectrum of people's. experiences and so you're going to have. a certain number of people that are on. the low end of experiences the worst. experiences all the time sexual abuse. physical abuse violence mental illness. pills drugs this that. boom. but like japan is one of the most. unhappy countries in the world people. the suicide rate is off the charts but. they take themselves out yeah you know. in america it's like let me who can i. take with me yeah i don't know what that. what that is well japan emphasizes.

humility. and uh they reward it like if they. emphasize being polite and orderly. it's really interesting. um there was a. just piece i was watching on youtube of. these people that live in cyber cafes. that they have cyber cafes that are open. 24 hours a day in japan and they have. like these little cubicles that you take. in there and they're just online on. their computer and they have all their. things there and that's where they live.

and they shower and they go back to. their little cubicle but this woman was. saying that it made her feel like she. wasn't alone but she wasn't with people. either like she likes that that like she. wants to know that there's people around. her but she doesn't want anybody in her. life. this is dark yeah. yeah that's super [ __ ] dark sad. just the loneliness like that that's a. giant issue apparently in japan is how. lonely people are which is incredibly. ironic when you consider that it's.

probably one of the most population. dense places on earth in tokyo at least. oh yeah i think they're just working. their asses off i mean they [ __ ] love. to jump in front of trains they live for. it like it really is like the of. countries it's the least happy country. in the world. wow. i think number like the happiest is like. someone scandinavian. yeah yeah sweden or some [ __ ] yeah yeah. finland i think finland like ranks very. highly on that yeah. why is that the the the thing i was.

watching said it was like a sense of. community i think a lot of them. like they eat their meals together as. like a neighborhood almost and they just. like. everyone contributes and they're just. happy and content that makes sense the. numbers are smaller too. i think that that helps also it's. gorgeous up there that helps too it's a. lot of factors there right yeah like. what's a big city in finland helsinki. how many people is that 50. how many. people live in helsinki. 50 50 50. i bet 50. yeah i bet you're.

right i feel like i would i bet helsinki. has 1.2 million people how many people. helsink you have. that's a wild guess i don't know why i. had to put the 0.2 in there i'm hedging. my bet. if i was on the price is right this. thing says it's the biggest but the. thing i pulled up doesn't say the second. largest says 279 000 this doesn't say. what helsinki does for some reason well. it doesn't you can't doesn't if you. google population of helsinki this is. the very first thing i had which was the. biggest cities in finland i figured it. would have had it oh just it's a 558. 558 000 yeah that ain't [ __ ].

wow that's it that's why they're happy. it's basically like four boulders yeah. four boulder colorados and it's a whole. country yeah yeah you go to boulder some. of the nicest people ever why 100 000 of. them that's it hard to build there. beautiful bolt beautiful beautiful. gorgeous great people a little on the. socialist side but i get it a little too. many birkenstocks and tavas and. girls could use a little bit more makeup. put a little makeup on gals it's. dollared up a little it's not pronounced. teva i don't know i thought it was divas.

maybe it is divas i don't know i've even. heard the word weird leather sandals and. [ __ ] but it's a cool place man but i. think you know that's what you get if. you live around nature you get a bunch. of fit people that like hiking and [ __ ]. a lot of north face jackets. you know they got great weather yeah. yeah they really do they have. blizzards and snow storms and [ __ ] but. they also have like you'll it'll be 30. degrees in denver or boulder and then. the next day it'll be 60. yeah it.

doesn't make any sense. would you say denver is the best comedy. town in the country. it's up there. it's up there i [ __ ] love it there me. too i'm going there in august i'm i'm. doing that place again i [ __ ] love it. yeah it's one of my favorite places on. the planet period like if i was going to. leave la denver is one of the spots that. i would pick i think about like when i. eventually leave where would i go in. denver's uh denver's at the top of the. list i used to want to go to like. seattle or portland. and then i read that article that. terrifying article about how like.

not just like everyone talks about the. big one earthquake in la they're like. what's really gonna [ __ ] [ __ ] up is the. tsunami that's going to happen on the. that fault line they're like portland. and seattle are going to be gone. with that tsunami 100 right 100. yeah it's just whether it's a hundred. years from now or two. jesus but imagine if we wake up one day. and seattle's gone. 13 million people dead. it goes deep into washington state all. the way to tacoma the ocean goes to. tacoma.

oh there was an article where they like. talked about like what how it would. happen like what would happen like. minute by minute in portland with this. with this going on it was just. terrifying. yeah [ __ ] that. too risky also seasonal depression's. real oh for sure i have a buddy of mine. who moved to um. he moved to uh portland and uh started. jiu jitsu school out there and i was. like do you like it he goes like dude i. [ __ ] love it i go you don't miss la. at all he was like no like what about. the rains it bothered me it's like no no. it's nothing two years later he's back. in l.a i go what happened he goes the. [ __ ] weather i go you liar like you.

were trying to convince me you were. trying to tell me and he started. laughing he's like i'm just convincing. myself yeah he but he bought into it he. goes i go what happens i came back one. time and when it was raining out there. and it wasn't raining here and i was. like what am i doing like i'm less happy. there like it it makes you less happy if. it's raining all the time it makes you. less happy oh yeah rain if you live in. l.a and it rains we're all happy like oh. this is cool it's raining out oh vitamin. d is important.

it's not just vitamin d either it's like. a feeling you get. like you're going to be cold and wet. you're going to be cold and wet and you. got to bundle up and get inside quickly. get inside. you can't just be free can't be outside. sitting in the grass eating lunch just. looking out and just relaxing yeah. i like my hammock yeah [ __ ] that place. and then [ __ ] places that have like too. much snow too. like all the people that want to move. back to new york like you can keep that. good luck with that yeah then new york.

the summer and the winter is what killed. me in new york like being waiting for. the subway when you're just like. dripping sweat was just brutal dripping. sweat with moist piss smell everywhere. that. moisture but that's carrying those piss. odor molecules in the subway like what. in the [ __ ] are you people breathing in. down here and i never got the rubber. boots you know what i mean i was always. just like had sneakers i'd be like. trying to get trying to get the fallon. at like seven in the morning walk into. the subway through the slush oh it was.

like it'd be beautiful while it was. snowing and then as soon as on the. ground you were just like get rid of. this [ __ ] now did you write for fallon. uh-huh. what was that game like. i mean it was uh it was frustrating they. didn't like because it i started when he. started late night with jimmy fallons i. was one of the first guys there. and they didn't like any of my jokes. like it was just it was it was. impossible. too mean or just like this is gonna make. jimmy unlikable like. it wasn't about. being funny so much as like coming off.

as smart and. uh and friendly you know and likeable. that they i was there for a year and. then they barely used anything i ever. did wow but they knew i was funny they. liked me and i thought for some reason. in my head i thought that if i quit. before a year that it'll like follow me. people like what happened with fallon. why are you only there a year that like. and then when i left it was like no one. would have given a [ __ ] if i'd left. after 10 weeks you know wouldn't have. mattered at all yeah it was it was. good. an interesting experience but.

i did not enjoy it. being a writer for other people's voices. has got to be very difficult it's i mean. for me it's impossible it's like i write. in my voice and you either like it or. you don't like i've written for jimmy. kimmel sarah silverman and like if i. loved the joke they loved it too uh but. with fallon it was not the case you know. it was he was it was almost never like. he might he would laugh at the joke but. he'd be like i can't say this. i can't do it. what are they trying to do like what is. he trying to do he's trying to be like. middle america like there's a market for.

that right is that what it is he just. wants everyone to love him you know he. just wants everyone to uh. everyone to love him. that's like not a bad trait to having a. late night host. right probably the best trait to having. a late-night host. i'd like to see him drunk one day just. [ __ ] on everybody though i think it. would be hilarious it is hilarious does. he do that oh yeah. i mean i i've heard that he quit. drinking and i know that's true but he. would like he liked to get drunk and. like in like shitty bars and like hang.

out like with the with the staff and the. crew like he was he's like a man of the. people and he didn't just want to go. home and drink he wanted to go out and. go to some weird bar that was like in a. subway that no one knew about and have. beers like he was a he was like a fun. drunk you know but he did a lot uh yeah. there was always those rumors that he's. got a problem. jimmy fallon's got a problem. yeah. yeah. do you think that's like the pressure of. just being this like super friendly.

sweet guy on tv wanting everybody to. love you they're like oh my god get me a. [ __ ] drink so i can cut loose. i'm i'm i think that could be part of it. you know that's why i was i always. thought like with my persona like let's. be the meanest person you can so that. you it you can it allows you to be nice. off stage you know you got you kind of. it gives you a little bit of distance. but the guys who come off as like your. best friend on stage tend to be monsters. off stage some of them man yeah yeah. i got another story i'll tell you when. we get off the air about one of those.

great. um well let's wrap this [ __ ] thing up. man um your special it's out tonight at. midnight yeah what's it called fire and. the maternity ward and you have. jesus. yeah once you think of that title you. gotta go with it yeah every every now. and then when someone sends you a title. of a special and you have to whoa that. was one of those so you got me yeah um. you have several though so. um what are the other ones that are. available on netflix now uh thoughts and. prayers on netflix firing the maternity. award comes out tonight uh i've got a. podcast.

on uh comedy central called the. jaisalnick and rosenthal vanity project. oh that's right yeah who is it with my. friend greg rosenthal is an nfl analyst. we've been best friends since college so. we just kind of like we're supposed to. talk about sports but we just [ __ ]. around like we never cool talk about. sports yeah it's fun beautiful all right. well uh good luck good luck with the. special thanks for joining us man. appreciate you great appreciate your. comments. yeah for sure and uh i can't recommend. his comedy enough it's for real if. you're a fan of stand-up comedy anthony. jeselnik is the [ __ ] so thank you sir.

thank you josh bye everybody. [Music]. [Applause]. you.