Joe Rogan Experience #100 - Brian Redban

[Music]. we got no bells and whistles we got no. guests we ain't got [ __ ] this is the. 100th episode and it will go to 100 the. way it began that's right with no warm.

not knowing what the [ __ ] we're doing. sitting in front of a laptop with. snow the stupid karaokey snow effect. yeah I listened to it today actually on. the way over here it's unlistenable. there there was times where there was. like 15 seconds 20 seconds of dead air. where we're just [ __ ] sitting there. like looking at things yeah that wasn't. really supposed to be on iTunes we. should have never let it go on iTunes. yeah what did is you know it was just we. were just [ __ ] around we just what. did would started was it Anthony kumia. show that that's I remember a while ago.

when Justin TV came out we used to. always be on the road in the green room. and I always tried to like set up like a. video like in The Green Room thing we. did it a few times with Joey Diaz and. then Joey Diaz got pissed and twisted my. finger remember that he got mad because. he didn't want the camera on anymore and. he grabbed my hand and started twisting. my finger it was crazy like he got. really upset well Joey I think Joey has. to be funny all the time in his eyes and. when Joey's backstage if he's just. sitting there like what what do you want. to do I'm not even hungry you know he. doesn't want people to see that you know. you know he doesn't want people to see.

the the normal average everyday Joey he. just wants Joey when he's on right you. know so yeah after that that that. incident I was like all right I'm not. doing this anymore and then we tried it. again Joey's a lot more sensitive than. you think he is man you know Joey Joey. said something to me you remember when I. came down when I when we were headed to. the show in Portland and Joey got mad. yeah that was ridiculous that came out. of nowhere too it was just me and him. sitting there waiting for you to come. down and it was really weird I mean the. bottom line was I had to take a [ __ ] and.

sometimes who's that me or you uh it's. probably it's probably me you know when. you have to take a [ __ ] sometimes you. don't time it well sometimes like you're. running out the door I'm like God damn. it I think I gotta go let me just see if. I can get this out real quick and it's. like oh my God damn it I do have to take. a [ __ ] but I I haven't had enough. lettuce today I hate that that when you. have to speed up a [ __ ] wor that's not. cool at all it's not healthy the worst. is when you're thinking about not taking. a [ __ ] and then you do and you go God I. can't believe just going to walk around.

for the next couple hours with that. inside of me yeah just or the girlfriend. [ __ ] when you get a new girlfriend and. you can't [ __ ] in front of her or I [ __ ]. in front of everybody you got to deal. with it sorry yeah I don't mind if they. do it either it's life yeah but it just. kind of sucks you just meet this girl. you're trying to be like all sexy and. hot in your bathrooms right next to your. tell listen here's the deal I'm going to. go take a stinky [ __ ] hope you can deal. with it if you're not you don't get no. more of this good dick yeah that's what. you got to tell her let her know man. it's a commodity you didn't look through. my camera by the way that I left no I. did not all God damn it that's great did.

not and if I did I wouldn't you know me. I I did my first well not my first but. my one or first or second uh home movie. sex movie oh really and we were just. like let's see what it looks like do you. like how you look no because it was it. was a side profile and I noticed that my. gut just kind of sits on her ass when. I'm [ __ ] her I've never noticed that. before so now I'm like looking at. 24-hour fitness and [ __ ] like that but I. left my got rest on her ass like a fanny. pack yeah it was crazy and I I left it. here though and immediately I saw I'm. like oh my God that video could easily.

have just gotten out and that could have. [ __ ] that's how it happens that is. how it happens yeah yeah you [ __ ] around. and leave a phone behind exactly yeah. yeah Jason TBO has this thing with Sam. tripy that every time they leave their. phone around or somebody gets their. phone and it's unlocked pictures of the. dicks yeah and or put like black dicks. and stuff like that like I Jason likes. black dick and last uh last night uh. Jason's did his mom though and was. saying I like black dick and stuff did. his mom what do you mean uh she left she. was like oh look at these photos I took.

and so he did his mom's Facebook and put. like you know wait a minute wait a. minute his mom left her phone behind so. he took her phone and got on Facebook. and put pictures of black dicks yeah or. I don't know if he put black dicks but. he said something like I really like. black muff or something like that whoa. really yeah his mom yeah his mom's. pretty sweet though she's she's she she. she's a lesbian she she's just hangs out. with the boys type thing his mom's. pretty sweet you sound like cart man. sheet mom is pretty sweet I had one.

friend that had mom who's a lesbian. growing up but he never admitted it man. took it forever took forever before he. came clean oh he knew about it everybody. knew his mom was living with this woman. with a crew cut with with like big arms. she had like she would wear Larry the. Cable Guy clothes she would wear like. sleeveless shirts like sleeveless vests. and [ __ ] and she had these like these. big like floppy truck driver arms right. you know and she was she was a dke. there's no getting around it she was. what she was you know my friend did not. want to come clean though why I would be.

everybody wants to be normal man. everybody wants to be normal you. remember Joey Diaz's stories about. wanting to be a white kid yeah he's not. white that's right well I mean that's. kind of ridiculous though you hear that. [ __ ] that's called a slurp people go. I hate when you make that slurping noise. can't you turn your microphone up just. [ __ ] deal with it man when I was. listening to episode number one in the. car that was another thing that the mic. sucks so bad there was Parts where. things were dropping and just blew your. speakers out like that's that's pretty. annoying you know one thing I didn't. know is uh a lot of people you know say.

why do you use Stitcher I had no ideas I. talked to the president recently and we. were talking about the whole incident. and stuff like that the incident the RSS. incidence we had a beer and you you know. he said a lot of things that I had no. idea that Stitcher did and one thing was. that Stitcher normalizes the whole audio. so when there's big loud burst and stuff. like that it which is what we should be. doing we should be doing we actually. used to do that uh uh um but it made the. the audio too quiet because it for some. I I don't know you know I'm not an audio. engineer but it didn't work right yeah. we need compress I heard that.

compression was actually not the way to. go though a lot of audio Engineers that. work at radio stations here in La. actually told me that that's not the way. to go is to uh to use software post but. who knows post yeah yeah but then you. have to edit it you have to put it. through post before you well I think. it's just a plugin in what the program I. use which is logic and it automatically. just does that right but you have to run. it through the program meaning you can't. do it live right right they're doing it. live yeah they're doing it live and I. guess by saying there I'm talking about. the Adam Cora show I have podcast Envy I.

went to his setup It's So Dope he's got. I mean there's something cool about that. you and I are just chilling in my office. we always do it this way it's either in. your office or in my office that's what. we do it there's something cool about. that but his his setup is pretty [ __ ]. sweet yeah except he's doing a radio. show you actually got the one of the. same mics that he uses that I guess Mark. Marin and him both used and we tried it. out and it didn't sound as good well. ours is a lot louder but I think a part. of that is this show is a little more. unstructured so there people leaning.

back and yelling and stuff like that. there's not really any of that going on. in Marin show there's not really any of. that going on the Cora show you know I. think uh for our purposes these are. better do you listen to any podcasts. besides you know or you just kind of. here and there list I listen to disinfo. I listen to psychedelic Salon. psychedelic salon's kind of cool because. it's a podcast but really it's a bunch. of old audio recordings like old teren. mechanon recordings or you know stuff. like that so I listen to that stuff but. honestly I try to listen to the news or.

I listen to talk radio for two reasons. one you know to see if there's anybody. that I agree with and two to see if. there's anybody that's just completely. out to lunch like I listen to Patriot on. uh Syria satellite radio the reason why. listen to it it's just it's all [ __ ]. bananas it's all these crazy [ __ ]. that want to bury gold and they're ready. for the whole thing to come tumbling. down they got their guns ready and this. Obama what he's trying to do with this. ER Andre you know it's those guys you. don't fall for that [ __ ] that doesn't. get to in the back of your head like oh.

my God you're right we need to collect. gold and no you don't you don't fall. come on man I think if the [ __ ] hits the. fan Gold's not what we're going to need. we're going to need bullets and gasoline. that's what I think bullets gasoline. guns places to stay somewhere you go. where there's no radiation when the [ __ ]. hits the fan there's so many human. beings have devised so many ways to [ __ ]. each other up that if something ever. really chaotic happened at this point in. time where we really went into like. nuclear warfare MH man gold ain't going.

to help you dog every time I'm away from. La this is the reason one of the things. that maybe we should leave La someday. cuz every time I'm away from La like I. was out of town this weekend when I was. away I was like now's a good time if. [ __ ] was to happen this would be a good. time because I'm kind of out of the. crowd I could Escape easier you know. because there's not a whole bunch of. traffic and soul vean and like I think I. have like a whole suitcase of [ __ ] I. have my computers and stuff like I think. at a certain point in time it becomes. completely unnecessary to be in such a. large group of people the only benefit.

of it is that because there's so many. people you're going to get and. especially because it's such a like a. desired area you get a lot of. Fascinating People here yeah and like if. you move to Denver like what are you. going to do with the podcast F Freddy. Lockard out on a plane I don't know I. think uh what I could do is um there's. three comedy clubs in Denver there's two. Comedy Works and there's one uh improv I. could talk to the people that are coming. in for that I can interview them make it. like a radio show kind of yeah there's. local Comics there's a strong local.

comic scene in in Denver so I could. always like have those guys come on and. we could do Skype too I did uh Ariel. helwani his MMA show I did it yesterday. and I did it through Skype it's pretty. badass man how did it sound it sounds he. sounds great I use that stupid uh Blue. Snowball microphone the only thing. that's kind of [ __ ] though is that you. can't hear your own voice right I. there's ways to set it up that you could. definitely you could use these mics you. as as an example yeah and if I had it. set up like this like in like if I had.

it set up like this in Colorado and you. had it set up like this in California. and we just Skyped it together we could. do a podcast it'd be pretty easy but. then once I show you how sweet Colorado. is you're going to want to move too yeah. but there's not not as many of your type. of girls out there yeah I know you'd. have to change your standards yeah I. think it yeah what would I don't know. that I'm hippie is just is what's mostly. there right like people that are working. out and hippie B yes Boulder's a lot of. that Boulder's hippie and Boulder is.

people that are in really good shape. right but no one wears makeup no one. looks like a [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] and that's. kind of a bummer going to have to get. the girl pregnant or something there's. not a lot of girls uh like the ones that. you're around all the time in California. there's not a lot that's very rare for. the whole world yeah well that's you. know I I go ups and downs you know my. dating is not it's it's it's like a. stock market graph you know it's like I. don't really look for what I understand. but what I'm saying is living in Los.

Angeles is giving you access to these. girls I know why leave that that's worth. it that's worth. death going at least you die with a. heart on I mean you can find hot chicks. in Colorado they're just not going to be. quite so needy yeah it's [ __ ] up you. know ever since I got in this. relationship I already see my standup. going away just like how it always does. it's like hey do you want to have sex. and hang out with this hot girl or do. you want to to stand up and hang out. with four guys that you yeah barely know. you got a tricky situation cuz if you're. really want to do standup you can't just.

do it during my shows or half house. right so I'm making myself go tonight. but I'm you know I hav been writing. because when I'm you know I'm not. writing as much either yeah you're weak. weak you just give in but it's easy to. do man I did that when I was in high. school yeah I used to have a whole joke. about it about how when I was in high. school I played baseball I did all these. Sports until I started getting laid and. then I was like whatever with all that. other stuff my parents like what about. baseball like yeah I found this new.

thing I think I like it more right you. know like once you start having sex like. like why why am I playing baseball yeah. what that's that shit's boring yeah I. watch I watch have you do you don't have. your first set on tape do you no no do. you yeah I watched it the other day it's. awful it's horrible what sucks is just. just everything sucks do you like the. new ones though I like the new ones. definitely it's definitely like before. you could you could see the nervousness. on stage and I mean this was 2003 or. whatever but. it was gross I can't even I can't even.

[ __ ] imagine it's hard to watch my my. sets from like last night even if I. killed it's still weird you know it's. hard even if you're killing but man if. you're not killing oh it's painful so. painful. yeah stand up you got to figure out bro. if you really want to do it cuz if you. really want to do it there's only one. way to do it you got to go Gang Busters. you got to like put together an act you. got a rare opportunity man you're on the. road with me all the time so you get to. do these sets in front of these giant. crowds I guess I you have how I look at.

standup is more as I enjoy doing it kind. of like I like doing it playing baseball. you know I like bowling but I guess I'm. not looking as it in a careerwise and I. don't think I ever want to do it as a. career-wise I think I think if anything. it's just a workout for this podcast. even make you more comfortable yeah just. more comfortable you know thinking of. funny ideas and and just being creative. you know because if if I'm not doing. this then I'm painting if I have to be. doing something and now right now it's. just you just have so how much any you. need to get out yeah right shrooms.

really is nice to reset that though you. need to shroom again soon man it's it's. I streamed the other day and it's it. wasn't the best one but it definitely. just opens up how you look at everything. it's a reset yeah definitely resetting I. do that every time I get in the tank. yeah Tank's a big reset you need to try. that but yeah any any any opportunity. that you have to just [ __ ] just step. outside of the whole thing and just. relax let's take a look at this let's. assess this you know from an even.

position so many times in life man. you're just on momentum right you know. every one step from the next it's like. there's something pushing behind you and. you just keep moving have you ever. forgot to uh forgot to put take off a. condom after sex like not no like uh. like sometimes you know like I'll have. sex and like then you know when I come. and then I'll take the condom throw away. put a new condom on so I can continue. and then not come again but I forget I. have that condom on you're getting way. too personal with me I know I'm trying I. was trying to clean it up a little but.

but but I was shrooming and then I went. to go piss and I'm sitting there Going H. and I'm like you're peing into the. condom I didn't know the condom was on. and I didn't hear the water and I'm like. what the [ __ ] you might be the laziest. [ __ ] I have ever met in my life. you're so lazy you can't even take your. condom off to pee but you know can't be. bothered you never know all the way down. there no I didn't know it was on there. but it's crazy how much pee comes out so. fast because it was like a full balloon. when I look down and the first thing you. do what the [ __ ] does it stay on your. dick I don't know it it stayed on pretty.

I guess [ __ ] juice dried or something I. don't know but but but what's crazy your. first thing to do is like holy [ __ ] and. so I just like kind of like pulled it. off in the weight of the uh pee dropped. into the toilet and just started. spraying out back out of the toilet and. it would piss everywhere it was [ __ ]. that doesn't even make sense how does. that condom stay on you while you're. pissing into it did it didn't it didn't. fall off what kind of lube did you use I. didn't um know I did use I think I might. have had some flesh Lube around no I.

didn't no I was at no I didn't so it's. just whatever Lube was on the condom. yeah yeah wow that's [ __ ] up condom it. was a TA condo that's ridiculous did you. go over your balls. H that's a that's an old joke a friend. of mine Amir Golan um [ __ ] what I forget. what his fake name was he used to have a. fake name that he used to use on stage I. God I forget what his name was but. anyway he uh he had this joke about uh. the first I remember the first time I. put on a cond it was really tight I got. back from the bathroom and the girl was. laughing at me I was like this is. [ __ ] painful why you laughing she.

goes doesn't have to go over your. balls [ __ ] idiot he had a bunch of. great jokes here's another one yeah my. um friend got his girlfriend pregnant. they were having anal sex and the baby. looks like. [Laughter]. [ __ ] just so stupid but oh [ __ ] anyway. you're so lazy you don't take off your. com no I just forgot I was shrooming. having sex do you ever feel like an. incredibly lazy person though you ever. like look at some of the [ __ ] that you.

say um like lazy in general in life yeah. just like I I always think I have some. kind of like if I I got my thyroid. checked but and it was fine but I always. think that I always have had some kind. of like you know I'm always feel like I. need speed like I need something like. when I drink so much coffee it doesn't. feel like it does anything are you do. you think you have ADD or something like. that no I would you one of those [ __ ]. buckle up Republican guys there is no. add when I was a kid they were just nut. D just nutty kids they're not diseased.

stop cuddling them no I I probably think. it's cuz I just don't work out I don't. do [ __ ] like that that my body's just in. fifth grader you know just slow right. your body yeah you need to kick your. body in G all this humping should be. doing something for you absolutely. should not be firing up your [ __ ]. testosterone bags bang bang Bang Yeah no. yeah sure I don't know what were we. talking about we we're talking about you. being lazy as [ __ ] yeah I I I I I think. it's either exercise or it's probably.

some kind of deficiency of some kind. probably that I I need like I know that. uh I know friends that are on that. Aderall [ __ ] and they just said oh I. needed it to concentrate and okay I. guess but it's speed you know I I I. can't think you're going to last very. long on speed you know I don't like what. it feels like I'll have a cup of coffee. during the podcast and a cup one cup of. coffee is fine but if I have two cups of. coffee during the podcast after the. podcast is over I feel all amped up I.

feel like H feel shitty really I don't. feel that at all the only you don't feel. like like you're there's a lot of energy. in your system no it doesn't work but. what I do notice is that I clinch when I. when when instead of feeling that energy. I'll find myself like clinching my teeth. really hard I don't know out of nowhere. I I do it all the time I noticed on the. way home yesterday cuz I had two cups of. coffee here yesterday and I noticed I. was driving like why am I clinching my. teeth like I don't know what it is like. it's like it's all going to my my jaw. dude you've got to be one of the.

weirdest [ __ ] I've ever met I. do it all the time if you if you look. back at Old UST streams you'll see like. this line on my I do this I bite my. cheek and are you thinking about. anything when you're doing it or just. doing it no I'm just like clinchy like. you have this energy that you got to get. out yeah in my mouth squeeze off. around wow maybe you have some like. unaddressed energy issues you know maybe. if you like started doing something like. like throwing the discus or something. like really physical maybe you would. like feel much better I've been trying.

this Xbox dance game on connect it works. pretty good love that [ __ ] when are they. going to have some sort of a martial. arts game where like a robot does. certain moves and you can kick it you. know like it like moves forward and you. can leg kick it it moves forward you. punch it it doesn't have to do much just. has to be a Target I think this connect. thing I don't know if you know what. connect is it's like that that webcam. thing that they put you put on top of. your TV and it detects your body it it. works I don't know like I'm not I. haven't played that much but the games. I've played [ __ ] badass it's like uh.

where you just hold up your hand like. you can do Netflix where streaming. through movies going like this with your. hand moving it left or right you're. stream through movies and then if you. want to pick one you P push you pull. your hand out and grab it and it's kind. of like uh whatever Minority Report or. whatever but but they have games too. where you don't have any controllers. anymore so how how accurate is it how. effective is it you know from what I. understand it's not the best but I have. never noticed it not being accurate I. think it's pretty accurate so I I've. heard. so as long as you're not playing like a.

first person shooter or something where. you'd have to be it's good enough for. that I think it's good enough for that I. think I think it's really based on. lighting and clothing and because like. uh the girl I was with was wearing a. dress and it couldn't detect her. separate legs so it was kind of [ __ ]. up so she took off her dress and then it. worked perfect for oh it's a trick it. wanted you to be a [ __ ] exactly that's. what it is that's right well that's what. I told her it's because you have a dress. on too much clothes on God what are you. doing over here that's crazy so now what. if you're using it as a firstperson. shooter how do you pull triggers um see.

I I don't know I haven't played a first-. person shooter but what I would imagine. I don't know that'd be weird yeah I. don't know how they're going to do it we. can't talk we can't talk about that one. thing but uh there is a crazy. firstperson shooter that we can't talk. about something no no why not because I. don't think it's known somebody tell us. this no that the the video that I showed. you that Kevin Pereira might have showed. us oh right right right right right yeah. that's all Incognito I didn't know what. the [ __ ] you're talking about yeah. because you you got to think if a guy if.

you're doing a first- person shooter you. got you got to deal with two things one. how do you simulate movement like how do. you go forward you know you're running. how do you run forward and how does a. machine know you're running back yeah. but because you're not moving forward. though I think it's something to do with. your hands like because with the Dance. game it was like you do like something. like that that means forward you go like. this and you shake your hand to the. right that means you're shooting well. ideally what you would want is like a. giant Dome or a ball rather and you be. inside that ball like a hamster ball. right and that ball you have like some. sort of a 3D helmet on like a complete.

you know what is it virtual reality. complete virtual reality helmet on and. then you would be walking around with. this ball you could walk in any. direction you know it wouldn't feel. totally real like you would kind of be. realizing that you're on a ball and. you're stuck in this you know in this. thing but that would be I mean other. than that how the [ __ ] else could you. simulate movement unless you just did it. inside like the virtual reality then it. wouldn't even be virtual anymore you'd. have to do it inside like uh put a. program and then make make a program the.

exact parameters of say an airplane. hanger and then you have an empty. airplane hanger and they walk around. inside that hanger yeah like it's all. wired and they you could do it that way. but then that kind of defeats the whole. purpose of virtual reality right yeah. the idea is that you're supposed to be. able to do it wherever you are yeah. would you ever go to Burning Man no why. not too many hippies too many hippies I. learned about hippies when I moved to. Boulder I like them in theory yeah I. like them in theory I don't I don't like. a lot of people that are asking for for. money all the time I find that [ __ ] to.

be very annoying I don't like uh people. playing shitty songs and wanting a. dollar right you know for the most part. they're cool but you know there's just. there's too much of that hippie movement. that wants people to help them you know. and this is how I feel about that if I. felt like everybody was on the ball and. everybody was doing their best and you. know I'm a generous person and I think. one of the the things about being. generous is if you have the opportunity. to do so it feels really good to be.

generous especially if it doesn't affect. you it's not like you're being generous. and it's hurting you you know so I think. it's it's important but in passing like. say you're passing love to the left and. there's a big circle of people man the. real problem is there's a lot of [ __ ]. people that never keep passing the love. they take it and then they walk away you. know there's there's some people that. are always there for you there's some. people and they're doing their best and. they're they're they're living living. their life and you're doing your best.

and you're living your life and you're. helping each other and you hey man can I. borrow your truck I got to move [ __ ]. yeah man come on over Dude anytime you. got my [ __ ] you know you know we're. friends you help me I help you we're all. together but we all know those the few. people that that don't contribute they. always need something and they don't. contribute and my experience that's my. experience with hippies that's my. experience with a lot of people that you. know are like really into like socialist. ideals a lot L of it is because they're.

[ __ ] lazy man they're [ __ ] lazy. and they don't work that hard and they. don't do their part and they somehow or. another feel like the whole system's. unfair man which [ __ ] yeah of course it. is of course it's unfair of course it's. corrupt of course it's [ __ ] up but. that's not why you're a loser there's a. lot of people that aren't losers most. people are losers because they're lazy. as [ __ ] and they want to blame other. people for that and they want to blame. society and they want to blame look. Society is completely [ __ ] but guess. what it's not like there's one person. that makes it [ __ ] the whole thing is. it's [ __ ] cuz it's on a foundation of.

[ __ ] that it doesn't make any sense. but knowing that you see what it is make. your path make your path figure out. something that you can do to feed. yourself okay figure out something you. can do to put a a roof over your head. just figure it out man [ __ ] figure it. out it doesn't mean you have to be a. [ __ ] [ __ ] to be successful doesn't. mean you have to be a part of the system. man no just stop asking people for money. stop being a [ __ ] mooch get your [ __ ]. together okay that's my problem with. hippies my problem with hippies is part.

of the whole idea of being a hippie is. being like really nice and being really. relaxed and sometimes life does not call. for that sometimes life calls for you. got to get off your [ __ ] ass and make. something happen man yeah you know. that's there's a lot I had a friend who. was his his girlfriend was having a baby. this is many many years ago and I had a. [ __ ] scream at this guy this guy was. unemployed and he he was like he would. couldn't get his [ __ ] together he. couldn't make something happen he was. trying to be a comedian for a while that. didn't work out and then he was trying.

to do some other stuff he was trying to. do some radio and a bunch of different. and we had this conversation and I'm. like man you got to realize you're going. to become that [ __ ] guy you're GNA. become that unbelievably pathetic guy. who can't feed his kids right you got to. [ __ ] do something man you got to make. something happen and you know it's not. hey you know we we really need some food. you think you could help us that's the. hippie approach to go to people and you. got to make your own [ __ ] way you got. to make your own way and that was my. problem with Boulder and that would. ultimately I'm sure be my problem with.

Portland it's a bit of my problem with. San Francisco and it's not that I'm not. a kind person I'm a very kind person but. I recognize the difference between. someone who's in need and someone who's. [ __ ] lazy and there's a lot of people. that just weak they're weak as [ __ ] man. and they have no philosophy to live. their life by they have no discipline. that they've developed over years of. trying to accomplish things to the point. where they have this sense of of. personal sovereignty they can take care. of themselves and occasionally everybody. needs help but if if somebody will help. you if they know that you're the type of. person that will help them and if you.

know that you're the type of person that. does their best the what drives me nuts. is when you someone wants help like. [ __ ] you're not even helping. yourself like look who you're doing for. yourself and you want someone else to. step in and manage your [ __ ]. situation that's ridiculous man that's. that's that is the number one problem. with the whole idea of everyone together. man the real problem is that everyone. doesn't do their [ __ ] part man that's. the real problem there's a lot of lazy. [ __ ] in this world yeah the reason. why I was asking about burning man is I.

I've often thought the same thing like. [ __ ] hippies you know cuz I i' been. there done that I hate it you know I. hated the people to the The Lazy Hipp. there's good hippie in there's great. hippies there there's legit hippies. right but I hung out with bad hippies it. got bad you know so it's like everything. else it's like MMA fans you know I have. a lot of friends that are MMA fans I. have friends that have graduated from. Harvard friends that are [ __ ] I know. guys who are scientist the guy who. created uh um Beav and Butthead Mike. Judge huge MMA F I mean there's a lot of. intelligent MMA fans yeah but then.

there's a lot of idiots yeah but I was. looking at these videos lately because. the girl goes every year or whatever and. so there is some [ __ ] cool [ __ ] going. on at Burning Man sure like and I guess. you can rent these big RVs you know and. that's the way to do it to have your RV. don't like live in a tent or whatever. they have showers and stuff but uh. there's this thing called I don't know. if you ever heard of it it's uh they're. called uh let's see what are they called. um Heros [ __ ] it's a zot tropes have you. ever heard of zeotrope zeotrope um Z I'm.

sorry zot Trope zoy Trope z o e t r o p. e what it is is it's like a carousel. type thing like a Maro around and each. kind of you know couple feet there's an. like a drawing or there's some kind of. sculpture like it's like a monkey. hanging from a a a Vine and then the. next one like you know 3 feet over is. the same monkey but it's kind of. changing a little you know so when it. turns and you have a flashing light that. just flashes at a certain rate W it. looks like the monkeys are moving so.

it's in the middle of this desert and. there's like they have these statues of. like people diving down into the ground. that just melt into the ground they have. like these monkey uh that are spinning. uh check this out right here here's. here's a here's a monkey one I don't. know if you can see this uh here's a. monkey one oh that is badass and it's. [ __ ] trippy so anyway so basically. they've done is animation animation yeah. and just like the old clamation models. they used to use for like King Kong and. [ __ ] yeah or like an old flip book where. you draw on a flip and you flip it.

through that's badass man I'm down with. the artistic end of it you know I'm down. with the the whole idea of all these. artists getting together and doing cool. [ __ ] I just think there'd be a lot of. stinky people I just wonder why I don't. or maybe they have why doesn't a. collection of uh people like yourself uh. do a comedy show while they're there cuz. that is huge no I'd rather not perform. there if I was going to go there i' want. I just want to hang out have fun I mean. can hang out imagine performing once. like like a Woodstock comedy psychedelic. comedy there would be so much mushrooms.

and so much everything else going around. I would be too [ __ ] up I would I. wouldn't want to be talking on stage. through a microphone that's the last. thing you want to do when you're on. shrooms well I mean yeah you just don't. do shrooms that hour and a half two. hours yeah I think if you're there you. just want to experience it that's what I. would want to do yeah I I perform enough. man I perform plenty you know I think I. Freddy stto used to say this back in the. day you know people used to offer Freddy. gigs at like uh bars and stuff stuff. like that and he's like no thank you I.

appreciate it but I I only do comedy. clubs man that's it and that was his he. just is like it's not worth it man you. go to these bars and everyone's talking. and you can't do your act right you rush. it because you're trying to get their. attention and he's totally right you. know he's totally right and that's kind. of how I am right now I only do shows. I'll do you know here's my show I'm. doing it's I'm at this theater come see. me I'm at this Comedy Club coming and. that's and then there's no problems. there's no hassles it is what it is but. if you're just doing a [ __ ] like. you're at a tent with some speakers and.

you're on this stage and all these. people are all they're all [ __ ] out of. their minds you know why should they pay. attention to you they shouldn't you. would feel illegitimate standing there. asking them to if you knew that everyone. in the crowd was on mushrooms you would. have nothing to say like unless I'm on. mushrooms too what am I going to tell. you guys I'm not going to tell you [ __ ]. man you're communicating with the AL the. alien overlords right now you know these. beings that have come on asteroids and. their spores have infested this Earth. you're communicating with them through. eating them what I'm going to tell you. some stupid dick jokes yeah but you're. pretty pretty known for being a psych.

psychedelic speaker I mean you always do. the marijuana shows here in town and. stuff like that for the same reason to. the same kind of people yeah but I think. part of uh being into psychedelics and. understanding psychedelics and have had. psychedelic experiences it sort of. negates any idea of you uh wanting that. sort of attention like doing a show yeah. like when you're doing a show the the. beautiful thing about a show is that. people enjoy it they have a good [ __ ]. time they come see a comedy show but. that's not what you want to do when. you're jazzed out of your head head you. know if you're on psychedelics you don't.

want to go see a comedy show you know I. don't want to see anything structured I. certainly don't want someone on stage. like forcing their like there's a lot of. things you say on stage in a comedy show. that's just to get a laugh you know. that's what it's there for it's there to. spice up the show to have more fun and. those things will stand out like like. [ __ ] wet shits in your underwear they. just like oh what's this if you're on. mushrooms every like jokey joke that you. have would just be like bring Doug. Benson some black lights and some body.

paint might be a good. time Doug Doug Benson would just be. hugging girls hi you can have a hug too. come have a hug I've never met anybody. who's High more consistently than Doug. Benson yeah every now and then he'll. send me a a tweet you're high right now. aren't you're a text message you're high. right now aren't you like I know you are. [ __ ] it's so funny because I. never knew that was real like when I. first met what when I first met Doug I. thought the whole marijuana thing was. kind of like an act kind of like an. Andrew Dice Clay kind of like you know. like he was doing I mean he might have. smoked weed but I didn't think he was.

the the crazy Stoner and just after. hanging out with him that first night oh. [ __ ] yeah immediately he's like every. five minutes hey let's go back to your. hotel room and smoke some another joint. yeah he those guys like to go deep man. there's there's some dudes who go real. deep those guys in involved in the. medical marijuana like those those like. normal and those guys go so deep we were. not normal but um the Cannabis Cup that. was the deepest that I've ever been. there was in on Melrose on uh in. Hollywood I was uh one of the judges and.

it was at a a head shop and they closed. the head shop down they papered up the. window so no one could see inside they. put a dormant in the back locked the. front and then they turned the whole. thing into this Cannabis Cup party. really [ __ ] bold move man because. they did this [ __ ] in the middle of. Hollywood and the place was just filled. with weed I mean it was unbelievable and. no one stopped they just kept going. deeper and deeper and deeper till I I. left there I went to get something to. eat I was like I there's no way I can. drive home right now I just got to hang. out for a few hours I had to hang out I.

mean most of the time when you're high. driving is not an issue because driving. is not any more complicated than walking. you know I mean you you're as long as. you're not smoking indicia as long as. you're not smoking some Dopey weed you. know you're if you're driving and you're. high you know just be extra careful. watch what you're doing it doesn't. affect your hand eye coordination I mean. I do Jiu-Jitsu on weed I I kickbox on. weed it's not a problem but but I was so. high then I was like no [ __ ] way man. there's no way I'm going to drive this. thing and and risk not being in control. of my senses I'm going to have a cup of. coffee and have some food and just.

[ __ ] sit back and read my cell phone. for a little. bit go over my notes you know I'll sit. down for a bit before I drive home it. was too it was too stupid cuz like you. get to a certain point when when people. are like everybody's handing you cookies. here's a vaporizer bag hit this this is. a new blunt paper that I developed hit. that and everyone's passing joints left. to right it's like a NeverEnding like a. cyclone of joints getting passed around. it's it was [ __ ] ridiculous but you.

get to this point where you're not even. high anymore it's not like you're high. anymore it's like you're not there it's. like you're you were in a room and you. know the the room has one window and. it's a circular window and the room is. like 4x4 wide you can't even move. there's not even a toilet in it's just. you you in that room and that circular. window and that circular window is now. how you view the rest of the world. you're looking out that window go what. the [ __ ] is going on out there cuz this. is crazy I don't even know what's. happening out there that's that's what. it's like it's like you're you're. detached from the world you're so high.

you're detached you know but those. things if every anybody ever wanted like. some sort of argument against the Cause. right go to go to one of those cannabis. cups man the good thing is man everybody. is friendly as [ __ ] I've been to [ __ ] a. 100 medical marijuana shows or or you. know parties or parties at the Playboy. Mansion I've never seen so much as an. argument never seen a raised voice never. seen. a push never seen anybody get crazy not.

even girls you know I mean every time. you go out some girl will be say talking. [ __ ] to some other girl everywhere in. Vegas and La anywhere so if you stay. around the night long enough and pay. attention you're going to hear some girl. yell at some girl right yeah tot. definitely but not in in when in those. weed shows those weed shows everybody's. just so nice yeah it's just people if. people really realize what it could do. for you you know so many people like I. have a friend who's like super organized. and like he's like really ambitious and. he's he produces television shows he's.

like a real go-getter very nice guy and. but he's so anal and just [ __ ] wound. up about [ __ ] he only wears black he. won't wear anything other than black. really his whole like you open up his. wardrobe it's black shirts weird when. somebody does that or they only wear the. white T-shirt like John cap uh caparella. is that his name he only wears a white. T-shirt you know like every day that's. like his outfit his uniform when he goes. to work yeah does he wear it like when. he goes out on dates only that white. T-shirt that I don't know but there's. definitely you ask him on a dat who.

what's. up enough vagina for me well yeah but. like like there is people like that that. like only wear certain things like well. this dude isn't just in badly in need of. a joint and I I keep telling him I go. dude just trust me man just trust me. just try a little weed it'll help you. relax like you're a good guy got a lot. of good things going on you just need a. little fresh perspective man and it's. totally true look at you had a live. proofing the other day on that that 98. you know was like you just need to smoke. weed immediately after smoking weed.

everything was great you know was. podcast 98 aka the disaster the disaster. Brian Whitaker apparently is very upset. with the depictions of him from that. podcast he's been tweeting mean things. to you yeah he started attacking me on. Twitter just like today it's like dude. all right the the thing I'm saying is. I'm trying to make sure that people that. are at home can listen to this podcast. and understand what's going on instead. of having a million people talking at. once it was no attack on you I. understand what we you're saying so for.

the people that don't know about that. podcast and it's not worth listening to. it wasn't a good one but um there was. just he just had an issue where he. didn't know how to uh be on a podcast he. didn't know that you can't talk while. other people are talking and he wasn't. you know he didn't have a chance to. prepare he just got thrown into it you. know he didn't even know he was going to. be doing it we've talked about him too. much we have talked about he's a good. dude he's just he's out there doing his. thing and it's It's Hard Out There For A. Pimp yeah but at least it's easier when. you work at the impr improv you know you. get stage time is that your dig is that.

your last dig at. him cuz he had a dig at you you get a. lot of people that hate on you man of. course I've always had that ever since I. started talking to you I've been getting. haters since you started talking to. me yeah no man people don't respect the. Red Band yeah because people well. whenever you do something I mean even. you do comedy people look at it and God. it looks so easy I could do that too you. ain't even funny I could [ __ ] do that. but then they you know they look at you. like what does he know how to make edit. some videos or something [ __ ] and I can. do that too you know they just they look. at someone who's in a nice spot and they.

think what the [ __ ] why isn't that me. you know it's hard to not be jealous man. there's some some ingrained [ __ ] I see. with my kids it's really interesting the. three-year-old and the one-year-old I. sometimes the three-year-old will get. upset at the one-year-old if the. one-year-old is getting too much. attention she'll take things from her. and stuff and it's like they just it's. just nature nature wants you you want to. collect all that love you know that's. why people develop great personalities. they develop great personalities because. they realize somewhere along the line L. something you know with uh rewards is.

that you know when you have a great. personality the reward is people are. always nice to you you get all this nice. energy people want to be around you. that's the reason why great. personalities get invented because. people become [ __ ] for other people's. love you know I mean that's really what. it is I mean it's it's a beautiful thing. in both ways but really the root of it. all is that people really want positive. attention so when you see like little. jealousy in like little kids and then. you see jealousy and like grown adults. you know you see like really petty [ __ ]. and haters and I love to go on like um. those um gossip blogs you know and just.

just to read I don't even know who these. people are you know but someone will you. know it to be someone from The Bachelor. or someone from something I just like to. read the comments just I don't even know. what the [ __ ] the story is about I half. the time I campaign his baby and mom and. they're in court whatever whatever. what's going on with the comments and I. go down the comments and it's just hate. yeah it is hate evilness and it's. ridiculous because when people the the. biggest thing is like if it wasn't for. Rogan this that this and that I'm like. yeah if it wasn't for Rogan he saw my. work he liked what I did he hired me he.

talking about me like I'm not even here. I I know it's but but what is like a. company like NBC like Jay Leno should. you know people are mad at Jay like if. it wasn't for NBC you would be nobody. you know that's it's it's me getting joe. sing my work and then hiring me I got a. job it's it's really simple he's an. artist hello he's an artist and he was. creating things that I thought were very. worthwhile and so I hired them it's it's. really simple pretty easy and you know. and people that you know there's a weird. and people like you know how are you. guys friends you guys are so different.

like you don't have to be the same as. your [ __ ] friends man that's that's. silly you know if everyone was the same. they you to all be running around saying. the same [ __ ] and [ __ ] blocking each. other listen to Paulo Abdul opposites. ATT track is that what you said I think. opposit I heard forever you girl the. other day forever you I missed the music. on the podcast Joe yeah I do too man but. we can't do that [ __ ] anymore the. serious serious deal is signed ladies. and gentl sign yeah it's all done I mean. I haven't written my name on it but they. did just tell do you do you ever but I'm. I'm gonna so we're gonna have it on. serus it'll be 12 episodes we have to.

get ready we have to pull music if we. have music on we have to check them oh. really we're doing like back episodes. we're send them 12 12 favorite episodes. that we've ever done actually not 12 but. what's what's your five top five that. you've ever done five well my number one. favorite just uh just be for sheer far. out factor is always Duncan Duncan's my. favorite because just Duncan's just so. [ __ ] weird and like when he starts. chanting Buddhist mantras and talking to. you about the babat Gita and you know.

and he just he just gets me going man. Duncan and I and he doesn't have those. conversations he says with anybody else. either he's like he and he and I will. have just this weird chemistry when we. get together it's all crazy talk the. other day I called him up called him up. yesterday CU I said hey we're doing the. 100th podcast today you know maybe you. want to like walk in like halfway in and. sit down with us I was thinking like. maybe that would be cool to have like. guests come over while we're doing it. and he goes I would love to because I'm. he's in the middle of this show that. he's putting together and he goes I did. in mushrooms last night night man I I. was surrounded by elves I have so much. to talk to you.

about yeah I was scared to [ __ ] eat. my surrounded he said I was surrounded. by elves he said I did more mushrooms. than I've ever done I was surrounded by. elves so Duncan's going to be in the. podcast next week and he's going to tell. us this whole um this whole thing and. you you recently um went Truman up in um. northern California sane it's like a. north of Santa Barbara wouldn't the. world be a better place if people just. did that if they had Retreats you know. instead of going I mean even have these. wine tasting Retreats how about right. next to the wine tasting Retreats a.

mushroom Retreat yeah go there. everybody's going to be nice to you it's. all soothing sounds and you know you're. in a comfortable room and there's the. shaman are all experienced everybody who. works there is professional you know you. pay a couple hundred bucks a day or. whatever the hell you do and you just. blast off it's pretty amazing how much. better wine tastes when it's at the. vineyard I don't know why because it's. all the same it's bottled are you is it. well the ones who offer the tours are. they like really known labels yeah oh. yeah these are like the big dogs like.

these do you remember the names I don't. remember any I don't buy I usually buy. buy wine by the the the bottle like like. if it's got a cool bottle I'll buy it. really yeah like there's kinds of wines. I like like I like Merl's I like you. know [ __ ] like that but I just usually. go by the B like oh that's a crazy cat. on that you know yeah I never used to go. if I was uh on a date perhaps back in. the day I would order a glass of wine or. a bottle of wine but I would never like. order a glass glass of wine while I was. eating dinner but now I do all the time.

I do it all the time like I like like a. nice strong red wine with like a steak. like it just tastes better it's like. this little you know there's this thing. the the flavor is all combining and as. I've gotten like uh like Matt lenberg my. buddy is a huge wine fanatic he's like. he's a he's a wine geek I mean he has. this crazy wine seller in his home with. some insane amount of money worth of. wine in it and he's one of those guys. that can tell you why wine is good and. what year it's good and you know what.

what part of the country it comes from. and all that kind of [ __ ] and when when. you're around a guy like that and they. know so much about wine then you start. to sort of appreciate it like oh okay. this is some weird tasting art form it's. like they're trying to create this. ultimate taste and it's a very specific. taste and if you're not it's a weird. thing like the whole idea of acquired. taste I used to think that was so stupid. like why would you acquire a taste for. something like caviar the [ __ ] stuff. you know it's super expensive and it. really kind of tastes like [ __ ] when you.

first take it why wouldn't you just okay. it's it tastes like [ __ ] forever and. this is it is what it is I I don't have. to worry about it anymore but no people. get into it and then they start getting. more and more expensive taste then. you're getting stuff that's thousands. and thousands of dollars these salty. [ __ ] stupid fish eggs well wine is. kind of like that too and then like the. first time you try wine like when you're. like a little kid or something like who. the [ __ ] would get into that but when. you really like like get a nice Pino. Noir and a delicious steak you're cut.

into that steak and then you have a sip. of the wine like all the flavors. together takes a while to appreciate it. but knowing someone who knows as much. about wine as I do I mean he tells me so. much about you know like you know it's. all about like how they put it in what. kind of barrels they use to store it and. how they store it and how long they. store it and how long how long has it. been bottled for and it's pretty amazing. the one of the wineries I went to they. they did cheese pairings which is cool. because you never you think okay they're. going to mixx this cheese with this wine.

yeah it's going to just taste like. cheese if I still use the word [ __ ]. which I don't I might throw it at you. right there I'm going be honest with. you hey I like cheese you like cheese I. do too you like wine I do it just sounds. fruity toy yeah it does you say I went. to a cheese pairing a wine tasting dude. you know how wet that [ __ ] gets when. you're going to a wine and cheese. tasting that's the most ridiculous wet. [ __ ] ever SE they feel normal for the. first time in their life like I'm normal. Brian's a good guy he's not taking me to. see poison in concert that's right he's.

taking me to mot yeah it's a wine. tasting in the middle of Northern. California he's an amazing guy that's. cool you know what but you went for the. fun of it you didn't went it was more. like hey want to get away not no. internet no work I just what's it like. up there it's beautiful dude it's it's. the Crazy Mountains there's this huge. lake at one point I forget the name of. it north of Santa Barbara it's this. humongous Lake where it's just best. fishing I now are there families up. there or is it just couples I saw.

families I saw families but it was a lot. of bed and breakfast is a lot of nice. historic old hotels you know that that. that you go in and there's just like. every room's unique that's what we. stayed at like this place called. Peterson at the end or the in at. Peterson is this near Santa unz yes yes. right next Tom leus used to always rant. and Rave about that man it's amazing. there was ostrich Farms where it was. just huge fields of ostriches running. around you can go there get like ostrich. eggs and like hang out with ostriches. but they're running around they look.

like dinosaurs they look like it's it's. amazing man I highly recommend if you. just want to weaken out out of La take. the kids go go to some Farms it's it's. pretty relaxing ostriches are creepy as. [ __ ] man all birds are creepy as [ __ ]. you know I've been joking around about. it about you know in my act a little bit. about the mass bird deaths that happened. but about how birds are are really. dinosaurs that survived but they really. are I mean that's that's the the closest. relative to the dinosaur is the bird and. an ostrich is a [ __ ] dinosaur it's a.

big ass weird looking dinosaur yeah with. the tastes delicious you ever get the. ostrich. Burger strong right buy me a coke yeah. I'll buy you Coke you got to have it. rare though don't be a [ __ ] you don't. have to worry about mad cow with those. [ __ ] just get that [ __ ] rare fire. that [ __ ] up feel that that raw rare. ostrich meat so delicious man yeah it's. good stuff would you go camping here in. LA way tent camping [ __ ] why would I go. camping where I can drive home the only.

time I would go camping is if I'm too. far away to drive home and if I have. guns on me yeah I'm going hunting with. Ricky Schroeder are you really yeah. we're going we're uh going to this Ranch. where you could shoot boar and uh they. even have bison at this Ranch and it's. like you pay them for whatever you shoot. and then you go out on to there they. have this giant hunk of property out. near rivers side out near uh San Diego. that way and so I'm going oh that's cool. man yeah I've been Wan go for a while. I'm supposed to go hunting in October. with Randy Couture with the natural.

Randy coutour we're going for a TV show. so uh before that I want to get some in. with Ricky that guy loves hunting man he. got when I talked to him about his eyes. lit up and everything he wants to come. back on the podcast oh I I was going to. say Ricky to me was one of my favorites. uh I my my my favorites were always the. out of nowhere people like the Ricky. Schroeder or even Kevin prir I think was. one of my favorite ones of all time. Kevin was awesome Rick has got some. interesting stuff going on right now too. man he just got some serious skin cancer. removed from his face are you serious. yeah yeah you got to be people walking.

around outside without sunscreen man be. [ __ ] careful if you see some little. Mark on you man people die from weird. skin you know little things when you're. you're out there getting burnt you don't. think it's a big deal and then you get. melanoma he had a big chunk of his face. removed man [ __ ] he's got a big scar. right on his Temple do you get checked a. lot yeah well I don't I'm not at risk. because I'm fairly dark skinned I get. tanned pretty easily but I don't [ __ ]. around the Sun man I don't but he's Rick. is like he's pale you know he's like. white like paper you know you got to be. careful as [ __ ] and he's always out in.

the sun he's like Mr outdoorsy you know. he's got this giant piece of property. and he's got property in Colorado Rick. Ricky schroer is an interesting guy man. he's a super Outdoorsman character he's. always out there like chopping wood and. [ __ ] and getting things done he's like. he like wishes he lives on a farm or. something like that I think growing up. poor or rather growing up super rich I. mean growing up rich and famous from the. time as early as he can remember he was. a a celebrity and he was rich so he's. always had so much [ __ ] money that I. think he likes driving around pickup. trucks he likes like doing like manual.

labor and [ __ ] like that but when you do. that you got to put your sunscreen on. homie yeah especially California out. here this [ __ ] heat the sun. constantly beating down on you people. get cancer you got to be careful I have. a bunch of moles I'm a very moly. [ __ ] but uh my mom's had a few. cut out and so yeah so I recently went. uh because there's this one that I have. on my back that always is like crunchy. you know it's like you know it's kind of. it's it's like it's it's not good yeah. it's not good it's not crunchy it just. feels like different than all the other.

ones you know and sometimes you know. imagine if that was your problem they. pull that out and all of a sudden boy. you can think clear and [ __ ] start. going to the gym just that that mold was. like a little vampire just sucking the. life out of you so I went there and. she's like no that's fine it's normal. and I'm like really that's why is if. that's just the kind it is or whatever. and then she showed me pictures like if. it ever looks like this come back you. got to look at Annie Oakley style look. at your back with mirror exactly what. the [ __ ] that. what is it what is it supposed to look. like when it's bad it's like it's like.

red around it it looks kind of like it. when she showed me I was like oh yeah. yeah that looks bad you know not this. little little mold that's a little flaky. or whatever yeah when are they going to. fix that moles can kill you yeah keep a. good eye on your mole because it might. be a bomb yeah how are you supposed to. see that I mean that's yeah especially. if you got in a weird place like what if. you died of a mold that was like right. near your [ __ ] who looks at their. [ __ ] yeah you know I only look at. [ __ ] in hotel rooms that's like a. girl's [ __ ] you look at a girl. [ __ ] if you're banging her from.

behind but do you look at your own in a. hotel room yeah cuz that's the only time. where there's good lighting and good. mirrors I'll sit on like the counter and. just like [ __ ] spray open and go oh. look at my butthole really once in a. while you should check it out just to. look at it I mean when was the last time. you looked at your but hole it's been a. long time exactly what if you opened it. up and there was this big purple I wait. for signals from it if it's sending me. signals saying there something wrong. constant itching weird noises then I'll. go check it out [ __ ] itchy [ __ ]. have you ever had an itchy [ __ ] like. it for like a days it was bit also a. Dane Cook bit that's weird how did Dane.

Cook and Louis. CK very common that does happen I. actually we've all had itchy [ __ ] I. was thinking about itchy [ __ ] and I. was like oh oh yeah that's right there's. like 3,000 jokes about itchy [ __ ]. yeah there's quite a few I mean the. issue with Dane and Louie obviously was. that Lou had done it first but yeah. butthole jokes are quite common. yeah if you uh if you think think about. a subject and it's a an obvious subject. for a joke chances are someone's already.

done 100 jokes on it you know you know. when I looked up the other day you know. I was I'm writing this uh chapter in my. book um and it has to do with porn and. so I uh I was talking about the moment. that I I realized that the internet was. taking porn to a whole new level was the. moment um I forget who it was it might. have been Duncan sent me an email and. the email heading said home run and then. I opened up the email and it just said I. love people in all capital letters and a. link so I click the link and it opens up. it's Belladonna on all fours with a.

baseball bat stuffed in her [ __ ] I. mean it's stuffed in there fat and first. which I didn't even think was possible. and I remember double face paling like. the Home Alone kid and going this [ __ ]. is just taking [ __ ] to another level she. stuffed the baseball then I thought. about it or is she taking it to another. level and I went and did a Google search. mhm and there's. 2,800,000 hits for baseball bat in the. ass yeah it's it's normal and you know.

when it's normal [ __ ] no you know when. she uh when she did that she uh used to. tweet about uh that where she was. stretching it out for like a whole week. like I got a big anal scene you know so. she had like all these butt plugs and. she just spent the week getting ready. for doing [ __ ] like that ah you know she. doesn't do porn anymore I I heard I. heard she retired well she had that. really sad interview I don't remember. what it was for whether it was Nightline. or one of those shows but you know when. they they you know they made her feel. bad about it and you know and they asked.

her you know what happened to you how. did you become this porn star and they. kind of like go over her past and [ __ ]. like that and then at the end she was. like you know I'm done I'm not doing. this anymore and then they found out. afterwards she had done some more movies. after you after she said that all right. it was weird it was like you know you. kind of wanted to root for her to get. out of it and then she's still in it and. it's like you know. [ __ ] not everybody could be a ballet. instructor okay some some some people. going to be porn stars and by the time. they're that age where they're going to. be porn stars man the least of their.

problems is [ __ ] on film that's the. least of their problems is that baseball. in their ass that's the least of their. problems the big problem is what what. have you become that you're letting. someone put a baseball bat in your ass. what has happened to you to get you to. this point it's not the bat itself. that's not the real issue it's who who. who are you like what kind of a strange. person are you that you you know you've. got your [ __ ] up in the air and. there's a giant log in it a big [ __ ]. that and then there's 2,800,000 hits of.

that all yeah but then you also think. about if that only is bad if you look if. you think it is bad you know like if I I. don't think that's good for anybody's. [ __ ] if it's like hey I could put. yeah I know but like hey I could put a. baseball in my ass that equals $220,000. okay do you think they get paid that. much cuz I don't think they do no I. don't think they do either I think it's. a couple Grand if they're lucky and I. think that might have been during the. Heyday you know I think nowadays I don't. you know those those girls were getting. like like half million dollar Vivid. deals you remember I remember hanging. out with Jenna Jameson's husband and he.

was a producer and he was giving me the. whole skinny on how much money there is. in the porn industry and this dude you. know he he had all the numbers and I was. like that is incredible like there was. so much money then the internet came. along the internet just robbed them all. yeah sucked it all away and now I mean. how the [ __ ] do you make money now doing. porn well I think I I think there's. definitely still money there it's more. of you just have to do more like I know. a lot of these girls they'll do like you. know like spanking video and make 500. then they'll you know do another video. later that day where it's just them.

masturbating and they get a thousand you. know so it's like then you think of it. that way it's like all right you just. made $2,000 today and is it for a. website is that what it's for yeah most. of these are websites you know fed's. websites or you know exchanging content. I think that the the the weirdest thing. about knowing all these porn stars I. think the saddest thing is not even what. how they got into it or that they do it. cuz I don't have a problem with it is. that their future CU a lot of them don't. have an idea yeah once that. like athletes yeah they're like Fighters. I mean is that where you go to you know.

like a truck stop and is that really. older wom then you're just like wow she. used to be a yeah you know Playboy Bunny. you well you know look this this Avenue. this internet Avenue has opened up the. door to the point where there's way way. way more porn stars than there ever were. back in the day you know and porn is so. much more available when I was a kid. there was the way you got porn was. magazines when I was a kid vhs's came. out while I was in high school I. remember we got one it was like a big. deal at her house you know and uh my dad. had a couple of my stepfather had a.

couple porns laying around the house too. and I got to watch those too and I was. like what the hell is this you know to. go from like it never existed or every. now and then you saw a magazine and the. weird thing about those magazines were. they had rules so You' buy a porn. magazine but there was rules and one of. the rules was the man couldn't have a. heart on yeah they still have those. rules really yeah like where they can't. show insertion in you know in certain. magazines but some magazines they can. yeah but back then it was all magazines. back then there was no magazines that. showed hardons and I think I mean none.

that you could find and it was like you. know you'd ask the guy at the counter if. you were bold you know at the the. bookstore but you didn't really want to. ask him like hey how come nobody's dicks. hard what's going on here you know you. don't really bring it up to him but. there was always like these weird poses. where there would be in like not just. one but like 20 different poses and in. each one of them the girl's like moaning. like she's an exy and the dude doesn't. have a heart on right like every one of. them it's like what is the message that. they're trying to send you you know what.

is the message that they're trying to. send you is it that this is just how the. universe works and that women that are. way hotter than you could ever possibly. imagine will always wind up with gay. guys and you're going to be alone by. yourself jerking off on the pictures of. them what is that what it is what is the. the the message why can't they have. heart on they're naked and they're there. and then the the surity of it all comes. into play because you see all these 20. different scenes you're like this [ __ ]. is not giving up and every scene she's. super enthusiastic she seems. non-judgmental this guy can't get it up.

and she's doing everything for him she's. posing she's got her ass up in the air. she's lying on her back with her leg. spread sucking on her fingers she's. letting him pick her up and he he's. holding her by the ass and his Dick's. still limp it's still limp and this. [ __ ] is just there for him the whole. way she's like super some way eventually. he's going to get a hard on I know it I. just keep posing for him until she's in. all these weird poses and never loses. interest never has the you know it. should be like at least the 18th or 19th. pose she should be like what the [ __ ].

like what's going on like why do you. have my leg spre spread and you know. you're laying your limp dick on my. pelvis right you know like like a a. drowning victim just pulled ashore you. know it's like slop I mean that's what. it's like he's got his limp dick and. he's laying it on her pelvis like who is. that for like what it's who who who. doesn't want hard dicks like who was who. was there like this is where this is. where we draw the line you want to get. all naked and crazy and pretend you're. [ __ ] so if you had to look at a dick. it was either hard or limp you would.

pick hard all the time if I had to look. at a dick it depends if I'm beating off. the last thing you want to do is be. beating off to a dude with a limp dick. so you would rather have hard dicks yeah. because you can't even imagine that that. would feel good you'd feel like that the. guy would be embarrassed and that it. feels pointless and she's she doesn't. feel good because he's not even excited. and so there's a lot of like weird [ __ ]. going on there at least if the guy has. an erection while he's feeling good it. feels good and at least she's happy that. she can give him an erection it's a much.

more positive experience is it hotter. for you if the dick is Black or White I. can't really relate to black dicks see I. always like but I could relate to a. black dick if it's big but then a little. tiny micro white dick yeah I'd rather. have hard black dick [ __ ] a girl. because for some reason to me that's wor. naughtier or something like that yeah. you take that big black dick you know. really really so you find yourself. saying that as you're doing the stroking. motion I whisper it get take it take it. take it well for real that makes you it.

makes it more naughty to you yeah it. just seems like you're oh you're getting. [ __ ] for real Z's I remember some girl. for real some girl came to The Comedy. Store one night and she uh gave us the. rules of uh of being a porn star she was. with I think she was with Ron Jeremy and. she was like you know rule number one is. don't [ __ ] black guys until they pay you. you have to you can't do it right away. don't [ __ ] them until they pay you rule. number two is no anal for a long time. you gotta keep it keep it to yourself. I'm like you have strategies on what you. hold back when you do porn oh yeah honey.

it's a business oh yeah honey it's a. business wow yeah they they strategize. when to give up for the black dick you. can't just right away start [ __ ]. black eyes hey hey hey hey settle into. that a little like some girls like like. Jenna Jameson never [ __ ] a black guy. well that's a big thing important once. you go black you're actually considered. different than if you did it's like a. weird part so why do girls why do any. girls do black guys just I mean for. their career why do they do that uh. maybe I don't know I don't they're just.

easy yeah they're just they just want to. [ __ ] black guys I guess yeah maybe maybe. they don't care maybe they're there for. equal rights I guess but a lot of the. porn buyers are Southern and stuff like. that and once you [ __ ] a black I don't. want that stupid [ __ ] please there's a. disproportionate amount of all. interracial porn sold in the Deep South. you know yeah I used to do a whole joke. about that that's right it's true story. it's a true statistic yeah. disproportionate amount is sold and it's. not black guys buying that stuff it's. it's scared white guy's going to look at. that [ __ ] [ __ ] that white woman oh.

man I can't believe what he doing right. that her oh yeah stop looking me in the. eyes dir. [ __ ] yeah I think that um that whole. black white thing eventually is going to. go away I think we're all going to be. like one strange shade of gray you know. one Mocha one something Mexican we're. all going to be Mexican we're all going. to be Mexican yeah yeah this it's not. the black white thing can't last it only. lasted back when people couldn't move to. other places when you were stuck in.

China and everybody else was in China. well you fed off the same gene pool and. you produce Chinese people you know but. once the Africans got to you know the. Northern Africa and Egypt and things. started getting weird and they took over. you know Cairo and then they move into. other places and then the Moors you know. hit Sicily and then all these you know. [ __ ] the Spaniards come over on boats. and [ __ ] the American Indians and then. eventually eventually we're going to be. a world culture I just don't see how you. can keep people from interbreeding for. the next Millennia I just don't see it. happen I think in the next Thousand.

Years we're all going to be one shade. you know they think that's what happened. with neanderthals you know neanderthals. got assimilated into the population they. used to think they went extinct but now. they think they sort of went extinct. because women wouldn't [ __ ] them but men. would [ __ ] the women men human men would. [ __ ] neander women and make babies with. them but neander men were like what the. [ __ ] nothing nothing and they just got. on the. outs that would be weird what would that. one final specie look like yeah maybe.

that's the end of the world once you. make Jesus well it's got probably going. to look like aliens yeah you know I mean. you look at the gray alien the model. alien this big big head and you know. sexless body and you know and no muscle. tone and that's probably the next stage. I mean if you look at monkeys and then. you look at us and what what is the. difference well our our heads aren't the. monkeys have smaller heads our heads are. bigger our muscles aren't as big we're. softer we we're not we last longer we we.

have you know nutrition and information. and all that stuff but physically we're. far weaker than the chimps you know and. then well them they're going to be more. weak than us with bigger heads their. heads are going to be bigger they're. going to be more uh more smooth and and. less muscular and seny because they're. not going to need that they're never. going to be in combat you're never going. to be fighting for their life against. other bodies and try to take down. animals to eat them they're moved way. way way way past that [ __ ] that's I mean. the the the human alien connection you. know for a lot of people they believe.

that what the alien image represents. whether it's real or imagined what it. represents is humans from the future and. that the eventual metamorphosis of the. human animal the the the morphing the. evolving will ultimately lead to. something like that we we look at. inherently all our issues well first of. all we have sexual issues we have. emotional issues we have you know anger. issues we have all these things well the. all the depictions of the aliens they've. gone completely past all that [ __ ] you.

eliminate all your your sexual issues if. you can reproduce you know outside of a. a a male female environment if you're. able to reproduce completely in in. Laboratories or in you know Petri dishes. or whatever the [ __ ] they're doing you. know if you're if we if the human animal. moves past reproduction in a natural way. I mean that might be what if they found. out that babies were 100% smarter and. and they lived twice as long and they. were you know five times more resistant.

to diseases if you raise them in uh a. test tube if everybody raised them. outside of the womb and some new machine. that someone created well every woman. would want that why would you want your. kid to be stupid because you want to. carry it around inside you you selfish. [ __ ] put the baby in the machine right. you know so that that's what they would. do and that's inevitable they're going. to eventually come up with something. like that the human body can only do so. much you know the human body they're. already figuring out artificial Parts. they already divid artificial Hearts. they've come up with artificial leaves. that make photosynthesis they're going.

to have artificial wounds artificial. electricity you know those artificial. trees so we're going to be able to make. electricity yeah we're going to be able. to make electricity the solar power. there's another thing that I got from. Transcendent man that uh the the ray. curtz documentary that I watched [ __ ]. awesome [ __ ] man but he talks about the. upcoming advances in solar power solar. power is going to be the [ __ ] man it's. going to be driving cars man they're. going to have solar powered cars with. the next 20 30 years it's it's all. all eventually is moving us towards the. aliens man I mean they really might be.

the ideas of I don't. believe I don't believe they exist or. that they don't exist I don't believe. that you know people are really seeing. flying saucers and I don't believe that. everything that people see is a. government spacecraft it very possible. there could be something from another. dimension or something from another. world or something from some some even. even hokey ridiculous cliche description. from like a 1950 sci-fi movie I'm not. discounting the possibility of that but. I've looked at all these different. people that all their stories and all.

their it doesn't jive man it doesn't. jive to me I have a an awesome [ __ ]. detector I'm I'm currently reading this. John Mack book and John Mack was. actually a professor at Harvard who uh. started started doing uh post um um past. life uh hypnotic regression [ __ ] with. people uh you know hypnotic regression. not not past life but in in their past. like Abduction stuff cuz he he was. dealing with all these different. different people that had uh very very. similar um experiences where they were.

abducted you know repeatedly over many. times in their life but I'm I'm looking. at the the the work and I'm reading this. stuff and I'm like God this is so. embarrassing it's like squirly work it's. like this guy has he's gone he's made a. conclusion in his mind already and what. he's doing in his work is not like he's. not exploring all the possibilities he's. kind of like pushing towards this. conclusion and the the latest one that. I'm reading is like it's so sloppy. because he's telling like all these. stories about all these people and all.

the you know their their depictions of. their experiences how about you tell me. how crazy that person is on a 1 to 10. tell me ask me what do they what do they. think about astrology what do they think. about tarot cards you know what do they. think about crystals or mind reading. what do they think about the loch nest. monster I want to know a lot of other. [ __ ] about these people I don't want to. know about what their experience was. like you know first when I was eight you. know I was alone in a cabin I knew. something was there with me I saw the. dark ey in the corner of the room really. were you on lithium were you were you. were you crazy are you crazy at all is.

anyone else in your family crazy cuz. there's a lot of crazy [ __ ] out. there and they tell some crazy stories. and all you need to know about this. whole UFO Abduction experience the one. most important point is that it all. happens at night well when the [ __ ] are. you dreaming when the [ __ ] do you have. the most realistic bizarre dreams the. other night I had some crazy [ __ ]. dream I was on a Dragon I was reading. from these Scrolls that the words would. light up on fire as you read them so you.

could only read it once I mean this. bizarre yeah cool ass dream but it was a. [ __ ] dream all right it was really. obvious to me when I woke up like wow. what a crazy ass Dream well what what is. a Dream well what a dream is is your. mind reaches a certain state in REM. sleep where rapid ey movement takes. place and all sorts of crazy chemicals. psychedelic chemicals start being. produced by your body and they all past. the bloodb brain barrier and you have. all these nutty [ __ ] experiences and. you and your cousin Mikey and you're on.

sleds and you're running from Godzilla. like what is that is that real sleds. should we investigate whether there's. sleds in space whether Godzilla is real. no no you should say when did this. happen oh I was sleeping oh you were. dreaming right yeah probably when were. you abducted by aliens well I was in bed. do you think you were dreaming no it was. so real oh okay let's write a book on. how it was and you got you got to say no. it was so. real well a lot of them the the.

interviews they do with them are so. telling they're they're really. fascinating and not necessarily that the. people are stupid and it's not not even. necessarily that they're they're they're. lying because a lot of them I don't. think are lying I think what a lot of. them are is first of all people live. some boring ass [ __ ] shitty lives. they're boring as [ __ ] and if something. happens and all a sudden that something. gives your life meaning like oh my God. it instead of it being some sleep. paralysis thing where your your brain. has this endogenous dump of psychedelic.

chemicals that are natural in the in the. brain anyway instead of that being the. case like no no no I have been visited. and I have information that I have to. give to the people of the world well you. know if you have a natural psychedelic. experience or if you have a real. psychedelic experience where you take a. drug and you know you're planning it out. and either one is going to give you a. very similar experience and that. experience is what you're doing is. totally wrong everybody's [ __ ] up you. need to get your [ __ ] together how about. an analysis of yourself an analysis of.

life on the planet and let's look at. this other than the way we're looking at. it right now because this obviously. isn't working that's the theme to every. mushroom trip the theme to every Acid. Trip the theme to every time you eat a. pot brownie you want to reconstruct the. whole thing and put it back together. again in a way that's rational that. makes sense you know and this this this. this experience these people are having. when the the aliens are telling them. well we need to get your [ __ ] together. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you're high. dude you're high you're you're tripping. you're seeing things in the closet it's. that simple there's no evidence man. there's no all these people that are oh.

I got a Nick on my shin look this is. where they pulled out the implant get. the [ __ ] out of here crazy you really. think that aliens are going to leave. like little scars on you and they're. going to pulling you pinched yourself. you crazy [ __ ] you pinched yourself and. made your own scar you you nutty [ __ ]. not to mention that there's so much. technology now that that people probably. do kind of like pranky [ __ ] you know. like I got these like helicopters that. look like you know that you know like. remote control helicopters and stuff. like that and well there's also. government stuff some that guy in um.

Philadelphia the other day thank you. whoever you are some guy came to the. show and handed me uh handed the manager. a book and the book got to me and it's. all patents on aircrafts that the. government has like us patents for. experimental aircrafts Co it's [ __ ]. nuts man they're this crazy looking. cling on looking ships and UFO looking. things what's the book called that. sounds it's not it's not a book he put. it together yeah he put it together it. was pretty dope that's pretty sweet yeah. and so you know I mean you just look at.

the things that the government has and. has admitted to designing and and. creating I mean this this is like a. [ __ ] a giant amount of a man when we. were doing Fear Factor we were out at. Edwards Air Force Base near Edwards Air. Force Base I think it was Edwards it's. out like near um we were in Palmdale. whatever the Air Force Base is out there. it's a big one and um I think it's. Edwards and they were flying stealth. bombers and dude that is some crazy [ __ ]. this was the beginning of the Iraq War. it's like 2002 and they fly those things. overhead dude you swear to God you swear.

to God you're in Star Wars man you swear. to God you're like that is that is some. [ __ ] from the Death Star when you watch. that thing fly overhead they don't make. much noise and they look like [ __ ]. alien spacecrafts it's dope like you. look at them like that is a [ __ ]. stealth bomber you can't see that thing. with radar man that's that's something. designed to sneak up on you and [ __ ] you. from the sky and you can't even see it. coming and it's black like the sky so. like you look up you see just Blackness. and it's black too you're [ __ ] yeah. you're [ __ ] shit's badass yeah it's.

you know it's all designed for killing. people who do you want on the podcast in. the future what is your dream people to. get on I know isn't Adam Cora coming. yeah Adam's coming uh next week he's. going to be here on the uh 26th Adam. Crow will be there so that what is that. seven days from today something like. that yeah yeah um yeah Adam's going to. be on you know what man the my dream has. already been U not just reached but. surpassed I when we first started doing. this when you and I first started doing. this in episode one we were just [ __ ]. around man we were just sitting in front.

of the computer and we just thought it. wouldd be fun to have like some little. kind of silly show that we would do for. like people that were on the message. board you know that's mostly what it was. and people on Twitter you know but now. it's become like a radio show now it's. become this uh this way to tell people. about shows that we never had before you. know it used to be you would go on a. radio show and you know you would hope. that some of the people that listening. were your fans or hope that you could. say something funny enough to convince. them you know on the radio in it's in. the morning you're [ __ ] half awake.

random people listening it's random. people listening and who knows if you're. even going to jive with the um the DJs. like there's a a radio station in. Houston that apparently is still mad at. me for uh being on their their radio. show back in I guess it was like Fear. Factor days like 2002 or 2003 and they. apparently still talk [ __ ] about me. about what they had me on and I remember. they wanted me and I was probably tired. and if I came off rude I didn't mean to. but they wanted me to eat some stuff. they first of all they wanted me to eat. some big hamburger they had I'm like no. no thank you like I kind of like I watch.

what I eat and also in the morning I I. have hypothyroidism so I take a thyroid. medication and when I take it I can't. eat anything for like an hour and so I. was on this radio show and they're. trying to get me to eat this stupid. thing that they made in an Easy Bake. Oven oh I was there I actually filmed. that that's did you those people are mad. at me still they still talk [ __ ] about. me like I'm the worst person they've. ever had on their show and I didn't even. know that I didn't even know they had an. issue until I left and apparently they. were talking about me I wasn't there. when I was there they were nice as pie. to me but then when I left they started. talking like what the guy was so rude.

they had a gag and I wasn't into their. gag and I I didn't go with it it was. stupid [ __ ] it it is stupid and you know. what they're not comedians man and. they're maybe they're not on my My Vibe. not on my frequency they're on their own. frequency and they thought it'd be fun. they thought it'd be cool if I played. along but I didn't want to eat their. thing and they didn't adjust they didn't. adjust so then I'm like why the [ __ ] am. I doing this and then it's like look. when when you do radio stations there's. a lot of different kind of radio DJ some. of them are really cool and easy to do. and easy to do their shows and other. ones they want more attention than you.

and they're a little squirely and they. don't like the fact that you're on TV. and they're in the radio and they get to. be [ __ ] you know they get to be weird. and they're looking for something to be. wrong with you so if you're coming from. some [ __ ] television show and you. won't eat their stupid Easy Bake Oven. thing you become an [ __ ] instead of. if that was me and I had a guest on like. come on eat the Easy Bake Oven and he. won't do it oh I'd be like what what. kind of an idiot am I I'm getting this. guy to eat something this is all I've. planned for this [ __ ] thing I could. be asking a million interesting. questions like we' be talking about all. kinds of crazy stuff but instead I'm. pissed that he won't eat my [ __ ] tuna.

casserole out of a [ __ ] easy bake. oven so these people apparently are. still upset at me god well used to used. to have to deal with those kind of. people in the past now I don't have that. doesn't mean anything anymore every show. that I do now I do nothing for no press. I mean I I did Preston and Steve I. called up uh for Philly but it was after. the shows were already sold out but I. did it because I like them CU they're. cool guys but like when we do these. shows now we have our own radio station. we have our own our own ability to. promote the shows and probably more. listeners than ever than compared to.

that radio station that hates you yeah. well that end it's all 100% your fans. those are I hate that word all 100%. people who appreciate your work right so. they already are enjoying what you do. they already enjoy your podcast they're. already there for you they like you you. know and so they want to come to the. shows and as opposed to you know doing a. radio show and trying to get people out. there to listen and like you and that's. why people like those people these. mediocre folks in Houston that's why. they they you know they have like this. it's why they have power their only.

Power was that they're the ones who get. to talk on this radio show meanwhile. what they're not even they have no. Talent there's nothing going on there. they're just talking people they're just. Dum Dums that are and then they play. music they sort of hijack your attention. span for a few minutes while you wait. for the next cool song to start playing. and they're just sitting there reading. your Wikipedia page most of the times so. Joe Rogan I heard that you that wouldn't. even be a problem for me it's just don't. you know I just I don't know why they're. still upset at me because apparently. this is some recent interview you oh. really I didn't I didn't even know about. I don't even know who they are I don't. even know what station is I don't care.

it's there look if it's all these years. and you're still upset that I wouldn't. eat your thing that's on you that's on. you 100% I didn't do anything to you I. didn't break your window I didn't light. your bathroom on fire you know if I just. didn't eat your thing that's on you it's. the whole world is filled with different. kinds of people man and if you try to. make everybody happy it will [ __ ] go. crazy I know when I've been a douchebag. in my past I know when I've done things. where I could have made this go smooth I. could have just this isn't one of those. things this is just stupidity and I. didn't want to deal with stupidity.

you're going to Texas soon aren't you uh. like August or something like that are. you going to go back to yeah yeah I'm. going to Houston I think August August I. can't wait that'll be fun yeah I'm doing. September again in Austin too oh really. yeah that's always good time yeah and. plus now um it looks like I'm recording. the special in June so uh if that. happens then um I'll have uh I'll have. to have all new [ __ ]. by the time September rolls around so I. got a lot of work to do right that's. exciting man I've been writing a lot.

lately man cuz I'm trying to finish this. book I've been writing like crazy man. writing is so [ __ ] satisfying it. might might be one of my favorite things. to do I love the idea that you just sit. in front of that computer and these. ideas just start dancing in your head. they start dancing you know they start. arranging themselves on paper and then. sometimes like when when an idea will. come out and then another idea will. follow it you I like step back I step. back and look at I'm like wow this a. crazy thing that just like happened.

through me you know this crazy idea that. you know just happened through me and. then it all like puts itself onto paper. and then the next thing you know there's. 100 Pages next thing you know there's. 200 Pages it's like wow it's it's it's. such a fascinating process man the. creative process of actually sitting. down and writing it's amazing man I. tried last night I was going to write. just for a little like an hour and then. get in the tank but once sometimes every. now and then you tap into a vein and you. got to stay there you can't go anywhere. you know and I I just had one idea that.

I needed to write down before I went. into the tank and as I was writing that. idea down something about writing like. say if you're thinking about a word like. if you're writing the word experience. takes longer to write that word than it. is to think of the concept of experience. so it allows you to deeply consider. everything that you're saying and then. often times like when you're writing I. can seem so much smarter writing than I. ever could just talking you think yeah. yeah you talk like I mean you talk very. like smart yeah but I'm way I but I'm.

way smarter writing than I am talking. it's it's because you can consider. everything much more you know you get a. chance to look at it you know you you. really get to know someone like and. that's another beautiful thing about. this podcast you get to know someone. when you're talking to them for a long. time you get to know like how their. brain works you know like you could. write things out like that's what that. always used to drive me crazy about. presidential speeches and [ __ ] like that. that they have people writing them for. them that is so [ __ ] up it say time. right because they have to give like a.

speech like every [ __ ] day almost. can't you just speak from the heart yeah. but but there's probably things they. have to just touch on they're probably. not like writers like this is what you. have to say it's more of like taking. your ideas of making in a speech form. because I I mean they literally have to. do like probably two or three speeches a. day if you looked at Obama's like really. does he do two here yeah they're always. going to colleges or talking here with. Representatives you know they're always. doing speech if you looked at his. schedule like there was that one time. where they followed him around for a. week I forget what program did it and it.

was just like his schedule was pretty. much from when he wake up uh just going. from one place to another giving a. speech giving a speech giving a. speech [ __ ] either way write your own. speeches [ __ ] I think he does actually. and one of his uh most famous speeches. is one that he wrote one of um the ones. when he was uh running for office he's. he's a a smart guy and he's a a very. good speech writer but the whole idea of. having uh a speech written out for you. by a bunch of other people is kind of. offensive to me it's like what the [ __ ]. are you doing being the leader if you've.

got all these people telling you exactly. what to say and you know you're. following all these charts and graphs. and this is what the people want and so. let's give them this and this is sort of. in the middle and we'll lower their. expectations expectations with that and. then they'll hit them we'll hit them. with this to make them happy it's just. it's like so obvious that we're being. played you know that's what drives me. nuts about speech writing about the idea. of it so it's like they're not even. trying to pretend that they're not. playing you they're not even trying to. pretend that this guy wrote this [ __ ]. himself yeah you know he's just up there. reading off a [ __ ] teleprompter and. you're just going yay and nothing.

changes yeah I could never do that I. could never do speeches or anything like. that you could if you wanted to give. speeches on podcasting or speeches on. something that you know a lot about like. if you want to give speeches on how to. be a good video editor you could do that. you could easily do like a seminar on. video editing you know if you ever. wanteded like if people like were into. your internet videos and you could come. up with a bunch of bulletin points of. things that you need to consider like. hey brevity you know there you want to. make it under 10 minutes you want this. you want that you know this is my best.

video and this is why and the good thing. about this video is it starts off in one. point and then it goes back in time then. it brings you forward again you know and. then you can you could you know you. could easily do something like that. anything that you're into man you could. teach other people how to do it did you. hear that flip video is no more what. Cisco bought flip video and they axed. him killed it yeah I always thought for. some reason flip video was very. successful and a big Money Maker it. seems like everybody's got flipped. videos see a lot of them I know Norton. had it when Norton was at U Austin he.

taped all his sets with that [ __ ] yeah. they killed it for some reason is it but. is it so good is it a big deal well I. mean it's it's it's just kind of weird. that that that they did that you know. you would have never found out about. that 20 years ago yeah it just would. have di unless you were reading the. technology page of the New York Times. you know how the [ __ ] would you have. ever known you know now you get like an. email alert from CNN to tell you that. flip video has been eaten up by Cisco. yeah you know yeah [ __ ] weird you know. who Scott Adams is the guy who created. Dilbert uhhuh he got busted going online.

defending himself under a fake name are. you serious yeah is that like the. weakest [ __ ] ever how did he get busted. and then I don't know he got busted and. then he um he like wrote something about. it admitting it and uh it's he this is. what he wrote uh according to wise and. fair denisons of the internet this is. after he's been busted according to the. wise and fair denisons of the internet. this behavior is proofed that I am a. thin skin troll [ __ ] dick Fame [ __ ].

ego Maniac douche nozzle misogynist that. list might sound bad to you but keep in. mind that I was starting from a pretty. low base so I think my reputation is. trending up that's pretty funny wow yeah. it's in the OC Weekly if you guys want. to read it it's kind of interesting CU. they're you know they're like wow this. so he what he did was he logged online. um and he he did uh under the name. planned chaos and he pretended to be the. only person in the world who doesn't.

hate. him because I guess he's been getting in. trouble lately I don't remember what. what it was I don't I don't remember. what exactly he said he he said some. things that people thought were uh. questionable and so uh people were. [ __ ] all over him I met him he was. on an episode of news radio really yeah. that goes to show you how old Dilbert is. Dilbert it's been around forever man I. never got into Dilbert really it's. terrible those those cartoons are like. the lowest expectation ever for humor.

and for entertainment value yeah it's. amazing that they can make so much money. like I used to read dunesbury and I. remember dunesbury is the smart one man. it was really smart the only time to me. was even remotely interesting was when. they had uh ra Raul duke it was the. Hunter S Thompson character who would. come in with guns and start shooting. [ __ ] up and you know it was like Hunter. S Thompson's um uh they kind of like he. has his character Raul Duke from um Fear. and Loathing in Las Vegas MH you know he.

like the the novel is sort of based on. very Loosely on him and this uh his. friend Oscar and the crazy [ __ ] they did. when they were on drugs in Vegas right. and this this guy from dunesbury just. sort of co-opted that character sort of. stole it stole his intellectual property. and started uh using it his characters. inside of his uh dunesbury comic I. thought that was kind of cool I that was. kind of funny that he did that it was. kind of those were fun but other than. that like most of it was like really. like nothing it's like the jokes were.

like like you ever read like marmaduk or. something like that or Beetle Bailey how. is that [ __ ] still even impossible you. beet Bailey still around yeah I think so. I think I I I don't know I don't [ __ ]. yeah who would cry if the cartoon. section I remember when I was a kid. though I used to like the cartoon. section I used to like Far Side that was. [ __ ] brilliant [ __ ] and then they. just kind you know kind of went away. when I I Was A Garfield guy growing up. obviously so Garfield and Far Side were. my two Calvin and Hobs pretty so you do. like cartoons I do I mean but but then.

you get those ones like whatever that. [ __ ] Kathy or Ziggy oh yeah [ __ ]. there's some that don't make any sense. and you have to wonder how those people. keep their jobs is it like some sort of. a government job where you can't get. fired yeah what that Prince Valiant or. whatever that one that was like remember. that one what was that one where it's. like all Medieval Nights and [ __ ] I. always tried to get into that one but I. could never [ __ ] do it they're the. worst man. yeah they're the worst there is there. anything worse than [ __ ] stupid. cartoons there's no there's no lower.

standard you know like have you ever. like read a cartoon and laughed no like. holy [ __ ] that's F Far Side Far Side. definitely really yeah far sides you. never read any of the first I never got. into it man there's it's I think like. standup Comics some cartoons are so bad. they like turn you off to other cartoons. wow like I've talked to people that have. been to like shitty comedy shows like n. I'm not really in a Live Comedy right. like well you're not in a Live Comedy. okay what are you talking about have you. ever gotone to see Louis CK okay go see.

Lou CK and then tell me if you're into. Live Comedy CU you might not be into. some douchebags at the Chuckle Hut you. know that are telling nonsense jokes but. go to see Chris Rock go to see you know. Dave Chappelle go to see a real comic. you're gonna love comedy man don't get. crazy you go see Joey Diaz and if you. don't laugh you don't have a [ __ ]. pulse all right there's something wrong. with you you not you're not enjoying. that Joey destroyed all weekend in in. Philadelphia he's so fun to have around. man no one makes me laugh more than that.

guy he's so [ __ ] fun to have around. but as we were saying before he gets. wired he get he gets angry at you yeah. I'm just reading these facts that were. on dig.com today facts about. masturbation and that's going through. that that male kangaroos have been known. to give themselves [ __ ] and female. porcupines have been witnessed using. wooden sticks as dildos what can you. imagine watching an animal check off the. dinosur have dicks. right right yeah can you imagine how big. that dick is and then like if a dinosaur.

[ __ ] cumed like how much [ __ ] that. would be if a dinosaur ComEd how are you. 12 bro no I was just thinking that the. other day if dinosaur ComEd of dinosaur. dicks how big would the load be if a. dinosaur ComEd yeah and here's another. fact. uh what 30% of suicides by males age of. 12 through 20 are attributed to. autoerotic as fiction no what is that in. Wikipedia man I don't know two oh here's. a Fleshlight autoerotic ex fixation from.

12 to 20 that's silly that's insane you. know here's a [ __ ] interesting. statistic that's real 70% of all. pornography gets watched during 9 to5. hours really yeah 12% of uh a porno film. is watched at a hotel room on average. only 12 that makes sense but 70% being. uh during the internet or downloaded. from the internet while you're at work 9. to5 totally how many people are watching. this podcast or listening to this. podcast at work a l how many people are. masturbating while listening to this.

podcast two people right now and only. one's hard one of them is crying. struggling trying to make [ __ ]. happen there's too much porn I think at. this point it's almost like it's too. easy to beat off you know it's all it's. all out there it's it's it's almost like. unavoidable like it used to be hard as. hell to get some pornography when I was. a kid like we were talking about ear. about magazines man that what you got. magazines man you had to go to a liquor. store and ask for the back shelf and you.

know nowadays man this it's it's so. [ __ ] easy to get pornography nowadays. you could just specialize on one. particular type of pornography you could. be like a weirdo foot guy you only want. foot jobs girls jacking guys off with. their feet and you could [ __ ] stack. monitors to the top of your room like a. like a a movie screen 50 feet high and. every one of them has got a different. video of a girl a guy off with their. feet and you would die of old age before. you watched all of them there's this. there's this uh [ __ ] that I was reading. about where guys who uh go to graveyards.

after uh they bury somebody um like. recently like like they go they like the. next day after they bury somebody and. they dig them up and [ __ ] them oh God. like they check the obituaries and find. like a young teen you know oh where was. this happening uh it was on the internet. I read it heard people doing it in that. was an old Kennison bit people doing it. in uh mortician's office the mortuary. that you know remember that bit I could. see that happening dude that bit is what.

got me into Kennison really I've told. this story before but in the interest of. brevity a girl that I was working with. did the bit for me because she was. telling me how funny he was and she was. lying on her stomach in the parking lot. going oh Oh you mean life keeps [ __ ]. you in the ass even after your dead it. never ends and I remember thinking like. wow what do this guy like this guy must. be the funniest guy ever and then I I. got a hold of his HBO special and I got. a chance to see it that's what that was. probably the one moment when I was 19. years old with that girl on her stomach.

in the parking lot telling me that Joe. that was one of the the one moments one. of the few moments in my life where a. spark went off of my head like wow maybe. I should do that maybe I should be a. [ __ ] comedian you know when I was 19. I had no idea what the hell was going to. happen in my future I didn't know what. what I was going to do but I was already. starting to think like maybe you know. maybe I have to find something you know. maybe it's not martial arts I have to. find like something else to do like. maybe it was this this [ __ ] guys on. his stomach you pretending to get [ __ ]. in the ass like well there was nothing. like that back then man but I think his.

joke was based on a true story it was in. LA some some people got arrested for. paying the morticians to spend a few. hours undisturbed with the freshest male. corpses oh God oh God yeah I think if I. was a Martian and I think if you get a. hot chick that there'd be sometimes. you're sitting in this basement by. yourself you'd be like I'm definitely. going to touch this video is online this. photo is online of [ __ ] dead bodies. there I think I [ __ ] it there's a photo. online of a guy with this where I don't. know if it's still up this is years ago.

this was in the the late 90s early 2000s. and it was a whole sequence of photos. from start to finish of this woman being. on the slab she's clearly dead you know. and then you know him uh put putting his. penis inside of her seen that yeah and. it's like whoa dude you know he didn't. just take these photos of someone's. daughter and someone's sister some wife. he [ __ ] her and took pictures of it. and and then put it. online you know it's some [ __ ] crazy.

[ __ ] man I wonder how many people who. get into um like what the what the. number is how many people who get into. being a mortician or being how many of. them are for the sex yeah how many are. [ __ ] around with bodies I'm sure it's. very high man it I'm never surprised at. the things I hear and I think if you. were into [ __ ] dead bodies that would. be the number one thing to do how good. is the meat in the dead body as it is it. I'm sure Ro I'm sure it's juicier you. know what I'm saying I mean is the. person's is riam Mortis set in do they.

can they fix that do they is there a way. that they can have rigor not s in like. what happens when they embalm them don't. they pump out all the what is riger. Morse where does that come from that's. where the yeah it com from I think. that's when you die the body just. stiffens up but I don't think it's I. think it's pick up a squirrel off the. road yeah I think I think it's immediate. I think it's immediate I think it's. takes a few hours yeah so maybe if you. get the person right after they died. they'd be still pliable yeah but don't. you like when you die you also you just. automatically piss and [ __ ] yourself and. all that crap just clean them up man if.

you're going to [ __ ] a dead body you. can't have high standards so yeah. that's kind of have to warm them up. maybe get some lamps or a heated blanket. and let them sit in there for a while or. something like that put them in a warm. tub not warm enough to cook them oh God. you know the cool thing is that you. could just pretty much [ __ ] rip skin. if you like wanted to [ __ ] that ass. really hard you know you just [ __ ]. start ripping it never have to worry. about her getting hurt right yeah that's. true I guess you could think about it. that. way she's a gagger going right through.

the back of her. throat something about disrespecting. dead bodies it's particularly offensive. particularly unsaver you know the idea. of disrespecting someone's body their. vessel while they're gone you know it's. so like it's so inhuman you know there's. something about it that's like it's very. creepy right yeah one of the creepiest. things that an eat. it eating someone's body after they're. dead yeah I was uh listening to um Casey.

kasm they were uh he's still around I. don't know if he's still around they had. him on the radio though he might be dead. but they had uh he was they were playing. uh ones from the 1970s I was uh in um. Philly and Philly has this one badass. radio station I tweeted it I don't. remember the name of it it's like w ogl. WG o and it was all like one badass song. it would be like Pink Floyd and then it. would be Michael Jackson and then it. would be like uh you know Sam Cook I. mean it was like some serious [ __ ].

jams one after the other and it was at. this pool hall that we were playing at. and uh they were they played like. repeats of like the uh countdown show. and I forgot like Casey casm with a. countdown and he would uh you just. pulled that out I never first time I've. ever done that too that was awesome here. we. go this this request comes Scooby come. over here Casey Cas with a countdown I. can't even do I have to if I heard him I. can do it you know he Shaggy really yeah.

Scooby dooo oh yeah I did know that yeah. zon. zes um but he was one of the songs. apparently was about cannibalism and I. don't know the song but it was about. some people that it was like the Donner. Party it was about like you know some. people that you know the Donna party. story they were headed to the West Coast. and they got stuck in the mountains of. Colorado and they ran out of food and. they some people died and they ate the. dead bodies to stay alive Tre Parker. made a film about it did he really yeah. cannibal the.

Musical what's it cannibal the Musical. his first movie he made in college with. Matt Stone it's [ __ ] brilliant that's. really funny cuz they're from Colorado. too yeah yeah I [ __ ] love it it's. it's a brilliant movie cannibal the. Musical okay I'll have to check yeah. Amazon that [ __ ] but Casey KAS was going. off Casey kasm about this sometimes you. have to make decisions and it was like. the decision was like we we like stopped. playing we're like what the [ __ ] like. you have to make a decision between. eating the body or dying yourself and we.

were like what the [ __ ] man what what a. weird you know top 40 or whatever the. [ __ ] it was or you know that song is I. mean I think it was a request you know I. I only like tuned into it halfway while. he was saying it but you know it was one. of the weird things this Nest song deals. with cannibalism it was like what. like how many times in history have. people had to eat people to stay alive. there's only like a few recorded. instances right there's that soccer team.

that crashed in a plane crash and they. made that movie about them remember. they're yeah what was that alive spoon. yeah they're spooning that guy's ass out. oh yeah about that the Frozen ass meat. with a spoon that was a freaky ass movie. man when that that airplane broke apart. and yeah yeah tubes made out of metal. aren't really meant to fly through the. [ __ ] Sky yeah you know you know. scking the other day is what to all. those lost people you notice how like. all those actors from Lost were such a. high in their career and now do you see. any of them they burnt off you didn't.

want to have anything to do with him. Jack was pissing me off man I know after. a while man he really annoyed the [ __ ]. out of me man he he drove me nuts he was. so phoning it in at the end when they. were all standing around that tub and. someone comes back to life like this. [ __ ] is just phoning it in man. that is ridiculous mad about that yeah. he drov me drove me nuts because he. wasn't appreciating his [ __ ] his his. part he was he started off that that. series as a winner Jack was the [ __ ]. hero he was the man you know he was the. doctor he was handsome all the girls.

loved him and by the end he was a junkie. and a loser and you know what they did. was I guarantee you that guy's annoying. I guarantee you that actor is annoying. and they're like [ __ ] this guy like. let's start making him a douchebag and. start slowly like making him more and. more annoying yeah [ __ ] yeah they must. have done that cuz how if he was so cool. everybody else sort of like kept their. their thing or became more cool as the. show went on you know like the really. hot girl with no ass what's her name um.

the really pretty one with the dark hair. the [ __ ] beautiful face Kate she sort of. became cooler as time went on got her. [ __ ] together you know raised that. girl's baby you know she had like a lot. of good positive attributes John Lock. became like mysterious and sort of. magical and sort of figured out the. world Jack just became a junkie just. became a [ __ ] loser man yeah he just. slowly there's a reason for that if you. saw the last episode last episode can. suck my dick I ain't ain't [ __ ] with. that man I I think this can't believe.

you watch that much there's some freedom. in walking away for it man yeah but you. watch so much of it that you might as. well see what happens there's some. freedom in just saying no you don't have. me anymore you [ __ ] you can't you can't. own me [ __ ] I'm not your [ __ ] all. right I'm not tuning in every week to. watch your stupid commercials just so. you can trick me with your silly. storyline I I I don't even watch TV. anymore it seems like but once you start. [ __ ] throwing in like time travel and. [ __ ] like they did now we're in 1970 all. right oh you don't even know what. happened yeah [ __ ] you can do anything.

you want you [ __ ] well there's a reason. why yeah the reason you want to know I. can tell you reason is they can suck. would you like to know nope I don't want. to know I love that you want me to know. and that I don't want to know I love. that there's freedom in that man all. right he was a girl the whole time he. was a girl oh good good he seemed like a. girl he was K seemed like he was on his. period for 10 years [ __ ]. [ __ ] oh Jesus um anything else before we. before we get going there was some. questions on the the Rogan board that.

I'm perusing through and some of them. we've actually already answered and um. some of them here's like one what are. your thoughts on listeners supporting. the podcast the podcast financially it's. not necessary the podcast as I said is a. a great method for me to promote shows. and promote all the other stuff that we. do and we get sponsorships the more you. guys listen the more we get sponsors I. mean we just have this flashight right. now but that's mostly because we're. going to be moving to sirius very soon. both obviously we will still be live and.

free on the internet it still be on. iTunes for free it still be available. for download on the website for free but. it'll also be on Sirius satellite. satellite radio just so more people can. listen to it and just you know I like. Sirius I have it in my car it's it's. it's an awesome service and I think it's. just another Avenue for us to to get. heard and you know we're not even. getting paid for it the same thing as. like Stitcher and all the I'm I'm for. all those things and the more of these. things that we do the more it you know. it it like I've never had this many. people come to my shows I've never had I. mean this it's obvious that this is a.

good thing you know it's obvious that. there's a benefit for me in that and the. promotional aspect of it and there a. benefit in people that they get this. free entertainment man and it's a. benefit for us too you know o over the. course of the year or so that we've been. doing this one of the coolest things. that it really made me appreciate I was. bummed out when I had to come back here. from Colorado you know I I have this. idea of raising my kids in a place where. it's a little more calm there's less. people there's less of the pressures of. Hollywood the this sort of the [ __ ]. materialism of of this area this part of.

the country it's a silly part of the. country there's a lot of cool people. here but it's it's also a very silly. part of the country so I was bummed out. man when the dog got eaten by the. mountain line and when Mrs Rogan got. pregnant we had to come back I mean it. was to me it was like [ __ ] I was gone I. made it out of this place I was I was I. had escaped and now I'm back again but. what really like made me appreciate this. place. was this podcast and was having all. these cool people come over all the time. having Ari over having Eddie over having.

Joey over having Bert ker and Russell. Peters and Tom Green I'm like you know I. sit back and I go God this is so much. [ __ ] fun you know somehow or another. we have like a real legit National radio. show and not even National man worldwide. because we had a fuckload of podcast. fans in Australia that's on the other. side of the [ __ ] planet and when when. I asked them about the podcast they went. nuts so it's it's it's a worldwide sort. of a thing man and you know. and who the [ __ ] knew when we did this.

that it would be what it is now who who. knew that every week would be in the you. know the top five of iTunes who who the. [ __ ] we had never no idea it was. completely by chance and slowly along. the line it's morphed and slowly along. the line it's evolved and slowly along. the line it's become you know like. something it's it's it is itself now you. know what I mean like now we don't think. about how to do it like we came over. here like Brian came over here today and. we didn't even have to talk about we. talked about just normal [ __ ] like we.

always do but we this is our 100th. episode man it's a big deal but we're. like but we should do it we were like. well we should do it together yeah let's. just do you and me for the hundredth and. then that was the all the thing we had. to talk about it's like it is its own. thing you know it is it's got its own. life to it now and all the people that. send me emails man and all the Twitter. messages and all the the people that I. meet in the comedy clubs I appreciate. the [ __ ] out of that I think it is one. of my biggest accomplishments in in you. know my career is this podcast and that.

message board and both of those things. and that the the whole the whole. internet group of bringing all these. cool people together and the the. positive energy that I get from all. these people at shows and the the. positive reactions that I get so many. people coming up to me and telling me. that this podcast helps them think. differently it changes the way they look. at life it changes the way they view. their friends changes the way they view. how they interact act with other people. you know I couldn't be happier man I. couldn't be happier that we did this and. this wouldn't have happened if I didn't. give in and come back from Colorado if I.

decided to stay in Colorado we would. have never have done this you know what. about the idea of getting like a female. sidekick a female sidekick a hole a. hole's not really down with. that yeah oh did you hear that he. slurped his coffee again that [ __ ] build. it all over your cck yeah if you hear. slurping man that's me blame me um yeah. you know Adam CR had a really funny girl. on his show he had Teresa straser for a. while and she was really funny and now. he's got this new chick and a lot of. people on the Rogan board didn't like. her but I thought she was funny man she.

laugh the the crazy thing about that is. they he auditioned a few girls like. Esther little Esther went there oh. that's how this girl got it yeah and I. guess but what's crazy is like if you go. to his website and look at all the. comments per episode every single one of. the uh girls that he did like all hate. like his his audience hates so bad on on. any girl that's his show I feel so bad. or Brody Stevens those so the girls and. Brody who is the new girl uh you know I. I think her name's like uh is it Jesse.

or something like that I don't know I'm. looking for it I'm gonna look it right. now because I feel rude that we're. talking about her I'm not bringing her. name up yeah that's gonna be cool to. have Adam C on yeah he's going to be on. this this uh next week next Tuesday yeah. yeah and your formula uh that you've. been working with on on it.com o n niit. t it's guess it's almost done it's on it. way yeah I was reading have you did you. read the case study that that's pretty. interesting yeah a lot of people look. I've been taking 5 HTP and I've had some. some some pretty powerful results I feel.

like it makes uh sentences form easier I. feel like there's more circulation in my. brain or something I I don't know what. it is but 5htp has given me a very. tangible benefit there's some other. stuff that I took that gave me some good. benefits as well but what we did what. Chris did with this neut Tropic formula. it's called like Alpha Brain Wave neut. Tropic formula I was going to call it. what we did was take all of the best. neut Tropics which are nutrients for the. brain and condense them into uh into I. think it's like two pills and it's all.

these people the case studies had some. really positive experiences with it I'm. excited it's all legit stuff it's all. stuff that people have reported actually. helps brain function we're going to. combine it into one thing and I think. nutrition and you know mental nutrition. and physical nutrition all of it is one. of the most underlooked keys to. happiness for people you know I mean we. have a friend that uh got on. anti-depressants and this [ __ ]. eats Cheetos every night and never works. out and I was like Yo dude you know if. you took care of that body I guarantee. you you would feel a little bit better I.

mean you you you I mean I'm not saying. you don't have an issue that maybe needs. to be corrected chemically because I'm. not I'm not inside your head but I know. for a fact my own brain if I didn't work. out I would not be nearly as happy I. would have all this extra pent up [ __ ]. and you got to get that out man and you. got to treat this [ __ ] vehicle good. give this vehicle vitamins man I drink. fresh squeezed juices every morning. every morning when I'm at home I squeeze. uh I get Ginger and raw garlic and. carrots and celery and I blend it all. together and you feel so [ __ ] good.

you're getting all those raw nutrients. in your body and your body you know. people that I know I have a lot of. friends who are very very smart but they. almost think that there's something Vain. and and trivial and foolish about taking. care of your body you know they smoke. cigarettes or they they know they eat. shitty food and you know and they never. exercise they never take care of. themselves like man you're missing out. on a a big chunk of life it's annoying. it's annoying to have to go to the gym. that's why it's good to learn a martial.

art or it's good to like to pick up a. sport or racket ball or something where. you're forced to move around you know. where it's fun it's part of the whole. game but find some way find some way to. take care of your [ __ ] body find some. [ __ ] way man take some [ __ ]. vitamins even if it's just multivitamins. and fish oil even if it's just that that. will make a [ __ ] difference and so. many people don't man so many people. just ride it out they just hope it all. is going to [ __ ] stay together I. switched my 5htp to uh Chris's brand. which is called roll on or roll over I.

can't remember which one it is it's the. blue bottle yeah and uh it's it's great. too it's it's 175 milligrams I think it. was do you feel a difference after. taking five I've been I've been taking. it for over a month and that and the. resera trol I think are two of the best. things I've t i take I mean I take fish. oil and a multi multivitamin every day. but I think those two are the things. that I've noticed the biggest from how. much do you think cigarettes [ __ ] with. you oh a lot definitely yeah yeah does. it bother you though that you're doing. that that you're poisoning yourself with.

cigarettes cuz I've seen you before dude. there's there's times that I've seen you. when you're smoking a lot where you take. on like you have a gray quality to your. face it's almost like that it's I'm. serious man and you when you quit you. your you know what that you know what. that is is I have a Gray beard no and if. if I don't if I shave it's gray for the. first three days no man I mean um I mean. like your eyes. like around your eyes like you there's. something about smoking something about. a lot of that cigarette smoke in your.

system where like your whole system. looks. like. yeah you know it looks like your whole. system is being poisoned slowly well it. is why don't you [ __ ] quit crazy. [ __ ] I will you won't no what makes you. say you're going to quit wait for the. first stroke the best part is that. what's going to do and you're going to. go vegan my grandfather go completely. the your grandfather had a stroke yeah. from smoking really oh look at you. living smart yeah it was like 65 so oh.

so you feel like you've got a few years. yeah okay well how what isn't there like. a a point of no return like where you've. done so much damage that you can never. heal yourself up no I mean well to a. point if you get cancer obviously but I. mean there's a chart I think like after. a year you're pretty much back to normal. your your lung capacity and all that. stuff there's actually a thing where. like if you quit the first week week the. first day the first what keeps you from. qu quitting I mean you've taken those. nicotine patches can't you just Jam. those yeah I mean it's just doing it I.

mean seriously smoking see I wish you. could tell the the the addiction I wish. I could too because Marin's complaining. about it all the time he's always on his. Twitter talking there put nicotine. patches on [ __ ] it's always going to be. there like that voice in the back of. your head even if you quit is still. there Joey's in denial yeah Joey likes. to pretend he's not smoking yeah you. know me dog I don't need that [ __ ]. meanwhile every time before a show he's. buming cigarettes off you right yeah I. always have to buy two packs every time. I'm hanging out with him helium gave me. some cigars helium is the [ __ ] I [ __ ]. love it there yeah two hels we did this.

month Portland and Philly both of them. were [ __ ] awesome for those folks. that are interested in the Massie Hall. in Toronto show the only tickets that. are left are like single tickets but you. know man if you want to go sit in. separate seats yeah sit in separate. seats or you know get people to move or. something who the [ __ ] knows man just go. and have fun it's going to be chaos and. I'm doing it with Sam tripy but other. than that it's sold out and for the June. 11th I think it's what is the date by. the way Sam tripy got a fauxhawk going.

on now really silly bastard Sam tripley. is awesome and uh he'll he'll be opening. for me in um I said June he's so excited. about it too he's like I'll never play a. bigger show than this ever you he's he's. going crazy and by the way San Francisco. is May 12th through the May 14th and. that's at cobs Comedy Club yeah June J. une 10th is the Vancouver date and uh. April 29th is the Toronto date and April. 29th like I said there's only a few. tickets left and then the other thing is.

cobs in San Francisco yeah it's already. selling very fast 12th through the 14th. is that a full death squad who's going. there uh yeah probably whoever's around. you know Joey and Ari can do it they you. know how we do it it's like AR's getting. a bunch of uh headline gigs now which is. very nice yeah AR's headlining all over. the place he's doing um doing comedy. competitions he's doing or um you know. um comedy festivals he just got back. from Atlanta and he goes uh he goes uh I. realized something I was like why does. this feel so weird and then someone said.

cuz you're the most famous comic here. he's like oh I'm not comfortable with. that and I go you're not comfortable. with that because that's responsibility. you feel like responsible for like the. young pucks you know like is that what. it feels like he's like yeah that is. what it is I feel I go you shy away from. every responsibility possible you know. even being like the most famous comedian. like oh don't look to me I don't know. nothing let me I'm get out of here and. he just runs away that dude should. should be so much bigger I mean like I. was talking I was talking to Mary krey. when we had her on the podcast and he. was she was talking about how she saw. you and Ari and she's just like is I.

what's that guy's name Ari shafir he was. so [ __ ] hilarious I'm like wow you. know his name off hand well we talked to. her for like five hours on the plane too. but yeah that she did remember his name. yeah I mean look it's it's it's tough. these days for a comic to get notoriety. just for their standup you know you have. to you have to get on something where. people see you there's just so much. entertainment value you know you you. have to have a Comedy Central special. you have to have something and and Ari. is at a bit of a disadvantage just like. Joey is and that they're both Ruth. ruthlessly dirty you know which is.

really hilarious but it's hard to clean. that [ __ ] up for you know a seven minute. spot live at Gotham or something like. that you know it was always hard for me. too when I when I first started out to. to clean it up for like a 10minute set. or a seven minute set seven minute sets. are hard in the first place because it's. like just getting a joke out it's like. [ __ ] you know you when you want to do a. set you want to open up get their get. their uh respect get some laughs and. then slowly settle into your view of. things but you can't do that in 10. minutes man in 10 minutes you got to.

slam them with some [ __ ] and then just. get the [ __ ] out of there and you know. that that's something that Ari hasn't. done yet he hasn't really really knocked. one out of the park and then got a half. an hour Comedy Central special and then. got an hour Comedy Central special and. he doesn't do enough updating on his. website either he's I mean you know I. was look I've had a website since 1998. and there's thousands of blog entries. you know I mean I and I'm a busy guy you. got to write things you got to give. people things like Twitter look I write. a lot of [ __ ] on twitters like hey the. podcast is about to start or hey you.

know I'm about to do this gig or hey you. know come see me here but a lot of the. rest of it is just me writing things. that I think think are funny and. interesting or some link that somebody. sent me that's interesting I'm. retweeting it and I I want it. entertaining you know I want to make. sure it's entertaining and because it's. a part of the that whole system of of of. promoting yourself of getting yourself. out there or being of being able to work. and Ari hasn't really embraced that you. know he embraced the Twitter bit a. little bit he writes funny tweets every. now and then but he needs to be like. real proactive like his website it's not.

like he's got a wife and kids and a job. and an excuse to not be doing all this. stuff you know but at least he's doing. his podcast on your death squad Network. and it's the skeptic tank if you're. looking for it that's what Ari calls it. and it's really good and uh I've been on. it um Mayhem Miller's been on it he had. was steo on his uh no no that was on the. 9 show but yeah uh Mayhem they're under. death squads is going on iTunes to. subscribe to Des squad has AR it has Sam. Trip's podcast Tom sigura who was on. yesterday they're all grouped into one. podcast yeah and think about that man.

you would have never thought you'd be. doing something like that you know I. mean come how crazy is that you know. what's weird is the whole thing is that. when I was in uh Middle School you had a. or something like a High School freshman. in high school you had a shadow of the. day job where you picked what you wanted. to be when you grew up and you shadowed. them for a day so I shadowed a radio. station cuz I wanted to be a radio DJ. and I shadowed the the morning Zoo WNCI. 97.9 it was the day Buster Douglas won. and they had Buster Douglas on the on. the radio station I think I've talked. about this before but yeah a long time.

ago yeah so but it was crazy because we. actually Buster Douglas knocked out. Tyson yeah we were we were actually in. Columbus Ohio like when we did your DVD. special and we were on that radio show. and the guy was still working as a DJ. and I was like you know what you were. the guy that uh when I was a kid that I. I hung out with this guy all day took me. to breakfast took me to lunch and now. now look at this it's like I'm an adult. you're still here that's weird I'm an. adult you're still here that's weird. yeah no it's uh it's it's interesting. what what podcasting has become you know.

um Ariel helwani uh and I I did his. podcast yesterday and I did it through. Skype which is pretty badass I did the. video portion of it through Skype and uh. I just used the the microphone and. listen through the headsets and I'm like. this is crazy and we're doing it in real. time and it sounds awesome you know it. sounded really Crystal Clear sounded. great yeah you know you can uh it's a. different world man we live in a. different world and we got lucky we We. snuck in right on the ground floor you. know totally never expected that I. remember all these other people were.

doing podcasts at the time because I did. Adam corolla's podcast way before I even. moved to Colorado you know I had done it. you know and I still hadn't done my own. well podcasts in general it's weird how. they used to be popular like four years. ago like when they first came out and. iPods just first came out and they were. or whatever it was huge for oh no not. hug who were the huge ones back then uh. I remember like Kevin Rose and all those. guys. from tech TV had Kevin is he the guy. that started dig yeah same guy same guy. Kevin Rose yeah crazy bastard follow him. he's got some ideas well now he's not.

with dig anymore and everyone's pissed. because they he pretty much Diggs. supposedly gone to [ __ ] since he left. and everyone's mad at him I guess that's. that's what I've heard haven't been. following I like dig still I use dig all. the time I like dig yeah dig.com if. you've never been is an excellent portal. for interesting stories yeah there's. always like I will scroll through the. first four or five pages and uh every. time I do it you know there's always. something interesting that pops up. that's where I got that Dilbert story. and you know there's always Charlie. Sheen asking for custody of his twins.

yeah oh that's the [ __ ] perfect thing. to happen right now EX at the end of the. podcast for this goddamn phone to ring. because I never turn it. off. Malibu. Malibu Malibu. California all right sorry ladies and. gentlemen for that. that's a sort of an inside joke on this. podcast that I'm a [ __ ] and I never. turn my [ __ ] phone off the real. problem is I'm always usually on the. phone right up until the time we start.

and it does there's there's a bunch of. them and they're cordless you know so. they're all floating around I never know. where the [ __ ] they are and I usually. just pull the plug out of the wall I did. it. yesterday but actually plugged it back. in right before the show show today. because I had to make a call you don't. give a [ __ ] and I wouldn't either the. point is uh we've done this for 100. episodes now give me some knuckles we've. had a good time Redban and I have uh. We've uh more than uh surpassed our. expectations I I never had any going.

into it I don't think you did either no. never thought it would be like this I. thought this was actually going to last. a month I thought like you'd get sick of. it in a month and that's the craziest. thing about that that you still you know. you still do it you know yeah I I. thought for sure I'm pretty good at. doing things once I get once I get. started I'm pretty good at sticking to. him you know but it's uh when I realized. it was crazy when I realized that weird. things was happening was when uh I asked. the crowd in Boston I did the Wilbur. Theater placees pack sold out and I go. how many and Eddie Bravo was there and. uh I uh yelled out to Eddie because I.

had my 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu shirt on. and I was like 10th planet in the house. and then I and I yelled out how many. guys listen to the podcast and they went. [ __ ] crazy it was like 90% of the. crowd I was like whoa really really and. then I realized I'm like somewhere on. the around like maybe that's why these. crowds have been cooler lately like over. the last like 6 months the crowds have. gotten no cooler and they were always. cool they were always cool there was. always a huge percentage of cool people. but there was always people that didn't. know what I was up to and they were just. you know factor or UFC or whatever Jamie.

Kennedy wasn't in town so they went to. see me you know what I mean it's like. they don't know what they're doing. they're just wandering in there but now. it's uh it's completely changed like in. Philly the whole crowd it's all podcast. fans because they find out about the. show long before everybody else that. show was sold out a month before we were. ever there you know I mean that's that's. never happened to me before if if the. the best case scenario was like the last. time I was in Philly which was like a. year ago we sold it all out just before. I got there but this was sold out like. way before that you know so it's it's.

and did an extra show you did more show. we shut the [ __ ] up godamn it who is. this again same thing hang up on them I. don't give a [ __ ] about them that's how. I roll all right ladies and gentlemen um. at that note I'm I apologize for the. phone this won't happen after episode. 100 I'm I'm going to have that [ __ ]. straightened out I'm going to fix it um. we will be back uh next week as we said. uh Adam Corolla is on on Tuesday and um. I think we're probably going to do one. either Wednesday or Thursday I don't.

know who uh dun trussle Duncan trussle. is coming on next week too yeah and uh. Joey wants to come on next week too we. should have Duncan and Joey we haven't. had those combo together for a while. that's a good combo that's a good combo. ladies and gentlemen it's been an. awesome 100 episodes we uh have enjoyed. the [ __ ] out of it we thank you very. much everybody that enjoyed it we're. we're we're so happy that you did and uh. I I appreciate all the twitters I appr. appreciate all the Facebook messages I. appreciate everything thank you very. very much you guys are the coolest. [ __ ] on the planet thank you to. the flashlight for sponsoring the. podcast if you go to Joe rogan.net.

there's a flashlight link on the right. hand side if you click it and enter in. the code name Rogan you will get 50 no. 15 15% off the number one sex toy for. men and you can shoot loads and it feels. awesome all right that's it folks thank. you very much we'll see you soon love. you [ __ ] see you. guys. [Music].

yeah.