Oprah & Will Guidara, The Remarkable Power of Giving People More Than They Expect

I ran outside of the hot dog cart, bought a hot dog, ran [music] back into. the kitchen. Then came the hard part, convincing my chef to serve it. And then before their final savory. course, I brought out what we in New. York [music] call a dirty water dog to. the table. [laughter]. And they freaked out. Hi there. It's great to be with you all. here on the Oprah podcast. We are. stepping out of my tea house for a.

little change of pace. We're in New York. City, [cheering]. [applause]. New York City. with an audience of our listeners. It is. so fun to be with you all. I'm so glad. you're enjoying the podcast. People stop. me on the street and tell me about it. I. talk to a lot of people and sometimes. when I interview really uh smart or. successful people I will ask them uh.

this question. What is the book that you. think everybody should be reading? A. book that we can actually learn from. because I still love learning new things. and sharing the lessons that I learned. with all of you all. So when I asked. that question recently uh the same book. kept coming up. your book, Will. [laughter]. >> Your book. [cheering]. >> Thank [applause] you. >> So, I did a podcast recently with Melody. Hopson and I said, "What is the book?". And she said, "Well, have you read.

Unreasonable Hospitality?" I said, "No, I haven't read it." Then I asked that. question. David Brook said, "He read. unreasonable hospitality." Someone else. said, "Do what is this unreasonable. hospitality?" Well, this is what it is. The book Unreasonable Hospitality by. Will Gera. Now, if you're a foodie, you. know about Will and 11 Madison Park. Those of you who who are here in New. York, oh, you go, "Oh, that will." Okay. The It's the three Michelin star. restaurant that he ran here in New York.

with Will at the helm. 11 Madison Park. rose to be uh named the best restaurant, not just in New York City, but in the. world. >> The best restaurant in the world. And. Will says that the secret sauce wasn't. just an an extraordinary. dining experience. It was what he calls. the selfish pleasure of creating. profound moments of connection and. delight for their guests. So, welcome.

Will Gera. >> Thank [applause] you. Thank you. >> Will Gdar's New York Times bestseller. Unreasonable Hospitality has sold over 1. million copies. You say here [music] on. page 99, without exception, no matter. what you do, you can [music] make a. difference in someone's life. >> You sound like my Angelo. [clears throat]. [laughter]. >> In the book, Will shares his abiding. philosophy that living in service to.

others [music] can transform your work, your business, and your life. You must. be able to name for yourself why your. work matters. Doesn't that resonate with. you all? It's a lesson he learned as. general manager of New York's legendary. 11 Madison Park when it was named the. number one restaurant in the world. >> By the way, that's so freaking cool. [laughter]. [applause]. >> I love it that you start the book with.

this story that I this scene of you and. your partner Daniel H. You're sitting at. the 2010 world's best 50 best. restaurants event and it's in uh London. Yes. >> It's like the Olympics for restaurants. or the Oscars, right? >> And you all are doing what people do. like, do you think I'm going to we're. going to come in? How are we going to. place? And you thought you were going to. place what. >> like 35. >> 35 out of 50. >> And an expression of humility but also. confidence, right? It was our first year.

on the list, >> right? And and then your partner said. no, 40. >> Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. >> Yeah. [laughter]. Okay. So, picture this. It It's got to. be exciting to get the call though, right? That you're one of the 50 best. restaurants in the world. >> Yeah. >> That's pretty good. >> Yeah. I I think everyone has one of. these moments, right? Those that they. can recall with extreme detail because. they were were that profound in their. story. And I remember getting the letter. inviting us to London and celebrating. that we were on that list. And so, of.

course, we went. >> Yeah. Now, the awards, they're a lot. like the Oscars. Okay. You're in this. larger than-l life auditorium surrounded. by your heroes. Um, in your fanciest. tuxedo, the whole nine. >> Yeah. >> But different from the Oscars in one. notable way. At the Oscars, I'd imagine. when you're nominated for an award, once. they get to your category, you're. desperate that they call your name. >> Yes. >> Here, if you're in the room, you already. know you're one of the best. Uh, the 50. best. You just don't know where in the. list you fall. >> I think that too about the Oscars. Everyone in here is great because you're.

nominated like and there's just five. people in your category. >> But but at the at those awards you're. desperate that they call your name. >> Yes. >> Here they start at 50, they slowly count. down to one. Here you're desperate that. they do not call your name for as long. as humanly possible. And [laughter] I. remember I'm all fired up and then the. big British MC at the front of the room, he says, "All right, ladies and. gentlemen, it's time to start the. countdown." At number 50, a new entry. from New York City, 11 Madison Park. I. was like, "Gosh, darn it." [laughter].

Turns out where you're seated has. nothing to do with where you place. We'd. come literally in last place. And. >> and and you did you realize at the time. your face is up on the screen. Yeah. >> So you all didn't have that, oh, it's. fine. >> Yeah. >> Exactly. Everyone else knew to at least. pretend to smile and wave. Guys, I. looked like I just gotten kicked in the. groin. Um, one of my dad's favorite quotes that. I I I cherish and reference often is. adversity is a terrible thing to waste.

And. >> that night we were one of the 50 best in. the world, but in that room we were. last. And I was angry, frustrated, sad, but now I look back on that last place. finish with gratitude because I don't. believe we would have gone on to do what. we did next had it not been for that. dose of disappointment. So, you and your. partner left and I think one of the. other chefs saw you and started, you. know, chuckling when he saw you say. like, "Oh gosh, you guys didn't take. that so well.". >> And then you guys went and got a bottle. of bourbon. >> Yeah.

>> Yeah. >> As one does. >> As one does. [laughter]. >> And during the process of drinking the. bourbon and talking about why you came. in last place, something happened. >> Yeah. We went through all the stages of. grief, but ultimately landing on. acceptance because here's the deal. At. that point, our food was pretty. extraordinary. Our service was about as. close to technically perfect as. possible. The dining room was amazing. And it was for those reasons that we. were on that list. But when we paused.

for long enough to really think about. it, it became quite clear we had not. done anything impactful. And I think, listen, it's absurd to say. one restaurant is the best in the world. when you earn the top spot on that list, what it really means is you are a. restaurant making an impact. And so I. thought about the restaurants that had. been number one, they were all run by. chefs. Chefs who were unreasonable in. pursuit of the food they were serving. their product and relentless in pursuit.

of innovation. What new ingredients. could they cook with? What new. techniques could they develop? And each. of them in their own way has influenced. how restaurants around the world. approach cooking. >> Mhm. >> That night I I wrote on a cocktail. napkin, we will be number one in the. world. >> But a goal without a strategy that's. nothing more than a pipe dream. And so I. thought about those chefs. If they were. unreasonable in pursuit of product and. relentless in pursuit of change, we were. going to be unreasonable in pursuit of. people and relentless in pursuit of the.

one thing that will never change, which. is our human desire to feel seen, to. feel cared for. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> And so that's when I wrote unreasonable. hospitality. >> So you wrote this on a napkin. Yeah. >> Yeah. After a lot of bourbon, >> but it turned out to be a book. Something very meaningful. Let's share. with our audience this moment. You were. 12 years old and your dad took you to. Four Seasons because I I always love how. a seed is planted, you know, and all of.

us, you know, start out as a little. acorns and blossom into our own version. of of the oak tree. >> And this happened with you at the first. time your dad took you to the Four. Seasons restaurant here in New York. Yeah. >> Tell us about that. >> Well, so I grew up in hospitality. My. dad was a restaurant tour. My mom was a. flight attendant with American Airlines. and it it's just all I've known. But. when I was a little kid, my mom was. diagnosed with brain cancer and the. radiation treatments she received.

ultimately rendered her to becoming a. quadripolgic. And gosh, my dad, he is just amazing. I mean, watching him. work restaurant hours, watching him be a. good dad to me, watching him care for. her, he was my hero. >> And it honestly did not. >> When you say restaurant hours, explain. that to the rest of the audience. >> For people who don't know, restaurant. tours work a tremendous number of hours. >> Yeah. >> Like 14, 15 hours a day. >> Yeah.

>> Um it didn't matter what he did for a. living. That's what I would have wanted. to do. But it just so happened I started. falling in love with it by going to work. with him. And when I was 12, he said, "Hey, if you really want to do this, you. need to experience the best." And so he. took me to the Four Seasons for dinner. And I honestly don't remember a ton. about that night. I remember the blazer. I made him get me that Brooks Brothers. blazer with the gold buttons. >> Yeah. >> I remember it was the first time in my. life that I dropped a napkin and someone. gave me a new one and called me sir. I.

remember they carved a duck for us. tableside. But what I really remember. was how they made us feel. Because for. whatever it was, a couple hours that I. was there across that table from this. man who meant everything to me, the. entire world was put on pause and I felt. so very connected to him. And it was the. first time I realized firsthand the. extent to which through hospitality, whether it's in restaurants or any. industry, you can create magic for.

people. Yeah. >> Um, and literally at that age, I knew. that's what I wanted to do with my life. >> Well, you know, I I loved reading this. book and one of the reasons I. appreciated it so much is because it. reminded me of uh our years on the Oprah. show with my team, the producers, best. team in television. Yes. And this is the. way we viewed our audience as though our. audience were guests who were coming to. see us and the experience from the. toilet paper in the bathroom being, you.

know, rolled under and not over and and. all everything being like you were. coming to visit us and this is our. welcome to you to be a part of our. conversation, our family of conversation. in that moment. Well, you introduced. surprise and delight into a world that. was not accustomed to receiving it. >> Yeah. Well, that's what Favorite Things. was all about. Surprise and delight. And. I I know a lot of people who were in. those audiences for Favorite Things, everybody wanted to be in there to get.

the stuff. You don't remember the stuff, but you remember the moment. You. remember the surprise and you remember. the delight. >> It's the quote by Amaya Angelou. Yes. >> People will forget what you say. They. will forget what you do, but they will. never forget how you made them feel. >> Yes. And I think that is in a nutshell. hospitality and what we all have an. opportunity to give to well everyone. around us every single day. >> Yeah. You know, actually in the book you. say this quote by Maya Angelo that. probably wasn't even her quote. I will.

tell you that actually is her quote. >> Okay. >> I remember sitting at the table when she. first said that and I was like, "Oh my. god, I'm going to write that down.". Maya. >> Yes. So that. >> by the way, that's so freaking cool. [laughter]. That's just amazing. >> Yeah. >> You know, another great one she said she. another great one she g she gave me when. I came back from opening my school in. South Africa and she had the had had a. cold and wasn't able to come and I flew.

from South Africa directly to her house. to check on her and also to tell her. about the whole experience of opening my. school. This is in 2007. And she was. making biscuits. And I said, "Maya, oh. my god, that school, it was just the. greatest experience. Nelson Mandela was. there and these girls are going to be my. greatest legacy." And she said, "You. have no idea what your legacy will be.". [laughter]. And I said, "Yeah, well, I I I I do. I. think these these girls, this school is. going to be my greatest legacy." And she. put the dough down and she said, "I said.

you have no idea what your legacy will. be because your legacy is never one. thing.". >> She said, "Your legacy is every life you. touch.". >> So it's everybody who has ever watched a. show. >> They almost started clapping. I think. that's like [laughter]. [applause]. >> Yeah. She said. in that moment she said, "It's never. one. It's not one thing. It's everybody. who ever watched a show and decided to.

go back to school because of something. they heard or decided they were going to. get a divorce because they were in. abusive rel. It's every life. It's every. person who you've ever left a heart. print with. >> by the way is is all about what I wrote. about. >> Exactly. I mean it is perfectly. >> that's why it resonates so profoundly. with me. >> because I I think that we underestimate. >> dramatically the impact we have on other. people all day every single day and we.

don't understand that outsiz. >> that's what unreasonable hospitality is. about. Okay. So let's start with the. story of the family who comes in. >> They're on their way back to Europe. This is their last restaurant they're. visiting in New York. And you overhear. them say, >> "Yes." So, I'm in the dining room. clearing dirty plates at this table. It. was a table of four. They were foodies. on vacation to New York just to eat at. great restaurants. And this is their. last meal. They're literally going. straight to the airport and they're. raving about their trip. They'd been to.

Leernaden and Jeanjour and Danielle and. Perce. And if everyone in this room. doesn't know what those restaurants are, just trust in how fancy they sound. >> They're the good ones. >> Yes. Danielle. [laughter] and and now 11. Madison Park, trip of a lifetime. But. then one woman jumps in and said, "Yeah, but you know what we never got to have. was a New York City hot dog." And it was. one of those light bulb moments. And I. dropped off the plates, ran outside of. the hot dog cart, bought a hot dog, ran. back into the kitchen. Then came the.

hard part, convincing my chef to serve. it. [laughter]. But I asked him to trust me. And. eventually he cut it up into four. perfect pieces, putting one on each. plate with a little swish of ketchup, one of mustard, a canel of sauerkraut, a. little scoop of relish, and I think he. topped it off with like a micro herb to. make it look fancy. And then before. their final savory course, which at the. time was our honey lavender glazed. muscoi duck that had been dryaged for 2. weeks, I brought out what we in New York. call a dirty water dog to the table.

[laughter]. And I explained it. I said, "Hey, I. overheard you talking. We could not let. you go home with any regrets. Here's. that New York City hot dog. And they. freaked out. I've been working in. restaurants my entire life. I'd served. tens of millions of dollars worth of. Wagyu beef and lobster and caviar. And. yet, I can confidently say that I had. never seen anyone react to anything I'd. served them like they did to that hot. dog. >> To that hot dog. Yes. Um, and I think in. moments like that, you need to go back.

to the tapes, see what you did well to. make sure you keep on doing that thing. That's how you put intention to. intuition. >> Well, you know, intention, I live by. that. That's my principle. And you. learned that from your father. I learned. that from uh a thought leader that I had. on in like 1989. Gary Zukov writes about. it in Seed of the Soul. Whole chapter on. intention. How it's one with cause and. effect. And intention is what determines. the outcome. So tell us your experience. of learning intention, that principle.

from your father. >> Yeah. I mean, when it when you think. about what my dad did, working 15 hours. a day, being a good dad to me, taking. care of a handicapped wife, >> it required an unbelievable level of. intent. Yeah. Every move mattered. Every. decision counted. nothing could just be. happen stance. And because he was so. intentional, not only in managing his.

time, but in pursuing the relationships. that mattered most to him. >> Mhm. >> He was able to thrive in all three of. those roles. And I mean, I think. unreasonable hospitality happens at the. intersection of intention and. creativity. And I learned the intention. part definitively from him. So in. unreasonable hospitality is really about. going the extra extra extra mile and. being conscious of that paying attention. >> to how you use service in a way that.

really uh alters an experience for a. person. >> Yeah. I think I mean I think it requires. three things fundamentally. one, just. being present, which I define as caring. so much about the one person in front of. you that you stop caring about. everything else you need to do. And. these days, with phones in our pockets. as perpetual distractions, it's really. hard, even for the best of us, to do. well. And yet, one of the most powerful. things is learning that we need to slow.

down in order to speed up. >> Yeah. You write that in in in in. unreasonable hospitality that there is. nobility in service. Can you expand on. that because I think a lot of people. don't get that there's nobility in Yeah. >> Well, I I mean when I was a kid, most of. the people my age, they were being. strongly encouraged to be doctors or. lawyers and bankers. No one wanted their. kid to go and serve other people. That. was almost like putting yourself below.

others. And yet, gosh, I think there is. nobility in service. I think, by the. way, just naming the importance of your. work is a valuable exercise for everyone. because I don't care how much you love. your job, sometimes work stinks. And if. you don't know that you're making an. impact, it's hard to bring your fully. realized self to the table. And so, in. hospitality, in service, >> Mhm. Gosh, what happened with me and my. dad at the Four Seasons, we have the. ability to help people celebrate some of.

the most important moments of their. lives. >> You say here on page 99, without. exception, no matter what you do, you. can make a difference in someone's life. >> You must be able, you sound like my. Angelo, [laughter]. [clears throat]. >> you must be able to name for yourself. why your work matters. Doesn't that. resonate with you all? You must be able. to name for yourself. And if you're a.

leader, you need to encourage everyone. on your team to do the same. Why must. you be able to name for yourself why it. matters? >> Cuz I think if you're simply repeating. back words that someone else has given. you, they they cannot fully be your own. I think people need to to pause for long. enough to think about what they do and. identify all the many people they can. impact so beautifully through that work. because once you have I just think. that's when you are fully called to.

greatness. >> Called to greatness. You actually were. inspired by greatness early on. >> Yes. >> When you were at Cornell. Yes. >> And there was a program there called. Guest Chefs. >> Yes. And Danielle Bal. came as a guest chef. Yeah. And he was. one of those people that you, you know, admired and the whole world knew. Yes. >> And he How did you get him to come. there? >> Well, I Oh, so I was not responsible for. getting him there, but I was one of the.

students in the class that ended up. serving him when he was there. Um, and. we had an amazing time, which maybe. we'll unpack that in a little bit, but. I was nobody. Danielle had no reason to. care about me except. >> so explain this. You're at a you're at. Cornell and they Cornell has a guest. chef program where they bring in a guest. chef and the guest chef chef comes in. and he cooks a meal. >> and the students run the restaurant. around him and you serve paying guests. and it's a great exercise to.

>> actually learn what it's like to to. properly run a restaurant. >> and we had an amazing dinner and. Danielle and I really ended up bonding. that weekend to the point that he. invited me to go to his restaurant. Danielle in New York City one I um. my mother was not supposed to live past. me being like 12. And yet she kept on. living. She was so focused on seeing me.

graduate college that she lived 7 years. longer than any doctor said she would. But she did pass literally the day after. I graduated college. M. >> and I was going to Spain that summer for. >> and there was this remarkable moment. with her in the hospital where she had. not been speaking, >> hadn't spoken for a long time and it. makes me want to cry. And you came to. see her. >> Yeah. >> And she she she comes out of her coma. and she speaks.

>> Yeah. So she fell into a coma. She ended. up missing my graduation. Um and so I. threw my cap in the air, jumped in my. car, drove. They were in Boston at that. point. went straight to the hospital, fell asleep on her hospital bed, and. she had been in a coma. She also. couldn't speak intelligably for like. five years. >> Yeah. >> And I woke up in the middle of the night. that night, and she was awake and we had. like the first proper conversation I'd. had. >> She turned to you and said, "You. graduated?". >> Yeah. You graduated college.

>> And we talked for a while and then she. went back out and then she passed later. that morning. M. >> but listen, I don't know what I believe. about certain things, but that night I. believed in a lot. And. yeah, I'm I'm going to get uh but that. was one of the greatest gifts I could. have ever hoped to have received. >> And then you took your father to. Danielle's. >> Yeah. So then I'm going to Spain.

>> Yeah. >> For this job, which I almost cancelled. in mourning, but my dad encouraged me to. do it. And by the time I changed my mind. back to doing it, >> the only flight we could find was out of. New York City. And so my dad and I drove. >> uh from Boston down 95 to Danielle. And. we're running late. Like we had to. change into our suits in like a a rest. station uh bathroom. And we show up at. Danielle and we walk in and they greet. us. They walk us through the bar. I.

thought they'd seat us in the bar, but. they didn't. They walked us into the. dining room. I thought they'd seat us in. the dining room. They didn't. They. walked us into the kitchen, up the set. of stairs, into this very special room. called the skybox. >> Wow. >> Table for two, overlooking the kitchen. >> You were in the sky box. >> We were in the sky box. [laughter]. >> Wow. Okay. >> Yeah. I didn't I didn't like hang out. with my Angelou, but I went to the sky. [laughter] box. And. >> Danielle himself, the greatest chef in.

the world to me at that point in time, proceeded to send us up 16 courses. explaining every dish himself. Um, we. were the last people in the restaurant. My dad, me, and Danielle. He stayed. until the very end, gave us a tour. There was no check. And in that moment, while at the Four Seasons, I was. inspired on the power of hospitality to. help people celebrate. That was the. saddest season of my life. >> And yet he gave my dad and I one of the.

best evenings of our entire lives. >> And also in that passage when you write. about that experience that Danielle I'm. going to introduce you in a moment. We. keep talking about you and talking about. but I I I learned something too. I just. I just had a big aha and you all are. going to love this moment. You say um. you drink your finest wine, your most. expensive wine. >> on your worst day. >> Yeah. A lot of people keep their wines. and they keep their best meals and they. keep their best China and their best. things for when there's something to.

celebrate or when there's a big deal. happening. But you say do it on your. worst day. >> Yeah. Those days are already good. You. don't need a good bottle of wine. [laughter]. Drink the best bottles on the worst. days. >> Don't you think that's a good adage? I. think that's good. That's good. So, he's. the worldrenowned French chef behind the. legendary restaurant Danielle here in. New York City. chef you met when when. when you were still in college. >> Uh what did you see in this young. Welcome Daniel?

[applause]. >> Thank you. [applause]. >> Well, what did I saw in him? >> Yeah. >> I think you know when you get to. Cornell, there's hundreds of student. that are studying hospitality. >> Yeah. And um Will was certainly the most. animated, the most passionate, the most. interested by what was happening that. week. And uh well, I don't remember who. brought me there, but uh you were in.

charge of some part of the dinner. >> Well, I was in charge of marketing, but. his dinner sold out so quickly. >> There was nothing to market. >> So I decided that I was in charge of. entertaining Danielle. >> Well, exactly. That's what happened. Estan after a wonderful dinner we had. and uh this interaction with all the. student and the guests there then we. went out and so we went out for a drink. uh typical after work. >> Uh we all gather into a bar dive bar.

somewhere on Cornell's main avenue. >> and then after we'll say well let's go. to my home. Uh it's getting uh the bar. is going to close. Let's go to do the. after in my home. And I got into this. frat house that uh I don't know how many. people were living into this small. house. [laughter]. >> Was not the nicest house. >> Didn't you all end up raiding some. kitchen and making eggs and truffles in. the middle of the night? >> And now it's 2:30 in the morning or 2:00. in the morning and we all want a bite.

Yeah. >> And so I we go back to school. We go and. bribe the the the the security in order. to get to the kitchen to take some eggs, some caviar, some truffle. And I bring. that back. Now I'm in the kitchen. There's a mountain of dirty dishes. everywhere. >> Wow. >> The closets are all broken. Uh there's. no plate, nothing. But there's a big pan. that I clean up and I start to make my. scrambled eggs inside. And I have one.

spoon, one pan. I fed 30 people. [laughter] That was pretty good. It was. amazing. >> Tastes good. >> Unbelievable. What have you learned from. him over the years? >> Well, what I've learned is. and and that's what the book is so. unreasonable in a way that is. explaining. >> Yeah. uh how to take the codes of. hospitality that we all know and do well. and all that and recode it for his own.

vision of what hospitality should be in. his own mind. >> Yeah. >> And in his own and and uh what I've. learned is leadership among because he. didn't achieve everything by himself. We. don't achieve anything by ourselves in. especially in the restaurant business. It's about the team. It's about of. course we're there all for the customer. but the team first and I think we'll at. this power of leadership that make. people think and people do things that.

they would have not conventionally do. for sure. >> Yeah. >> Thank you. >> You are [laughter] you. an amazing example. I don't know if I. could work for you but [laughter]. >> thank you Danielle. Thank you. >> You're welcome. Thank you. >> Thank you so much. Thank you. [applause]. >> I don't. >> and I I I really I just want to. >> say one thing. I think we are ultimately. a compilation of all the people that we.

find ourselves lucky enough to be around. as we grow. And it's a little bit of a. align with that whole idea of our legacy. is not. >> one thing. >> is not one thing nor are we. We are a. addition of all the relationships and. I've learned so much from you. But of. every person I've met in restaurants who. has achieved the level of success that. he has, there is no one that comes. anywhere close to being so generous with. the next generation.

>> Oh. people who in the moments where. they're in the receiving end of his. generosity have nothing to give him in. return. And yet he gives because not. only is it the right thing to do, but I. think we of the many things we have in. common, one is that we just derive so. much pleasure from being generous with. others. >> Yes, that's what's so interesting about. this. I find this to be very inspiring. and I think that after reading it, a lot. of people want to know, okay, how do I. apply that to my work? Yes.

>> I mean, as I said to you, Melody Hopson, big business woman, said to me that she. uses it in her work with her with her. employees. So, you believe that this. principle of being unreasonable in your. generosity and your hospitality can. apply to any service, any organization. >> I mean, >> and the field guide, which is coming out. next year, is is is to tell us how to do. that. >> Exactly. Yeah. Unreasonable hospitality. is the why. The field guide is the how. >> Oh. Um, but it's been it's been wild.

over the past 3 years. hearing stories from NFL teams and. financial organizations, prison systems, school systems, retirement homes, hospitals, UPS stores. >> Yes. >> Of the experiences they've created for. others that have been inspired by the. book. And it's so cool when you hear a. story about something that I don't think. I ever would have been able to to to do.

>> I just thought the paying the paying the. parking meters was a great idea. Share. that with our audience. >> So, one of the the real paradigm shifts in. the book is you can systemize. hospitality. If you have your eyes open. wide enough to identify simple pattern. recognition, the things that happen over. and over again and then decide what is. the most awesome way to respond every. time that happens. >> You can create magic all the time. >> And so when people, this is back in the. day when meters in New York City were. still coin operated, we realized that.

guests would have to run out in the. middle of their meal to go fuel the. meter and that breaks the bubble that. we're trying to create. Um, and so we. just implemented a system when we were. bringing people to the table, we'd ask. them how they got to the restaurant. And. if they took a subway or they drove and. parked in a garage, okay, we don't do. anything. But if they drove and they. parked in a meter, we would just say, "Hey, you know what? Just let us know. where your car is parked and we're going. to keep the meter filled the entire.

time. Just sit here, enjoy the night.". And just a little. >> Isn't that a nice thing? Yeah. >> Thinking that never happened to me. But. okay, that's nice. >> But but here's the thing. It's so. simple. It's not hard. >> Yeah. That's not hard. But this was a. hard one. Remember the time when someone. came and they had not gone sledding and. you got the sleds and the. >> I said, "What?" [laughter]. >> So there was a family of four from. Spain. We had these big big windows. It.

started snowing. we ever heard that it. was the kid's first time seeing real. snow. And so, I mean, it feels pretty. obvious, right? You send someone out to. a store, find sleds, send them up to. Central Park after their meal to go. sledding. [laughter]. And and here's the thing, we were. serving some of the best food in the. world, and I've talked to so many people. who do not remember a single thing they. ate, but they will never forget how we. made them feel through gestures like. that. >> Well, I wouldn't forget the sled either. if you accept me to Central Park. And.

also, there was this moment, too. I. thought this was a simple moment that. you share in unreasonable hospitality. about uh a couple was celebrating their. anniversary and they said to the Mater D. that they had a bottle of champagne in. their freezer at home and they said, "Do. you think it will burst before we get. home? Tell us what happened.". >> Um PSA, if you leave a bottle of. champagne in the freezer, it. definitively will burst. And so we did these things like the kind. of things you would do for any close.

friend. We got their address. We went. back to their house. We took the bottle. out of the freezer, put it in the. fridge, and left some caviar and a note. saying, "Thank you so much for joining. us.". But here's the thing. Anyone sometimes. people listen to this and this is. important and they say, "Well, yeah, of. course you can afford to do it. You're a. fancy restaurant. Uh, two things. One, it's not about how much these things. cost. It's about how thoughtful they. are. That hot dog cost two bucks, but. look at the impact it had. >> Yeah. >> But also, I would actually go so far as.

to argue that you can't afford not to. because every dollar I ever spent on. unreasonable hospitality was far more. impactful than any dollar I ever spent. on traditional marketing. Because when. you give people stories like this to. tell, what do you think they're going to. do? They're going to tell them over. >> Those people are still talking about. that sled that hot dog. Yes. and and and. you end up with legions of ambassadors. out there doing your marketing on your. behalf. >> Your marketing. Okay. Destiny, where are. you? Okay. What do you want to say? Hi. Hi, Oprah. Hi, Will. Hi.

>> I like to consider myself a zelenial, right? So, in between millennial and. jinzee on the cusp. Um I was. >> So, we're the same age. >> Yeah, we're the same age. We're here. We're here both way. Yeah. [laughter] Um. but I was brought up very old school. So, traditional beliefs, values. So, I'm. loving this conversation today because I. truly believe that everyone's first job. should be in customer service, whether. it's retail or waitressing. I was a. waitress myself in college and I. developed customer service skills. However, you might not like this. I.

wasn't the traditional waitress, right? Cuz I would actually sit in the booth. with my customers and take their order. and just get to know them. And because. of that, I really develop like those. personal stories. and I use those. customer service skills today as my. career um as a journalist. However, sometimes you don't meet the nicest. people. So, my question to you is what. advice would you give to kind of have. hospitality to people who are kind of. difficult?

>> Well, first of all, I love that you sat. at the table. >> I mean, when I when I first got to 11. Madison, I did not have a ton of crazy. high-end fine dining experience. And. there was a regular from one of my other. restaurants that came in and I went over. and put my hands on the table and leaned. in to engage with him. And when I went. back to the service station, the service. director who did have a lot of fine. dining experience started yelling at me. in the way that you yell at your boss, you know, like very upset that I had. done that because the rule of fine. dining is you don't touch the table. The.

table is theirs. >> Oh. Um, but a. any rule, if you ask why it exists, and. the only answer is that that's how it's. always been done, that's a rule that no. longer deserves to exist. >> And B, I believe the service, the food, the design, they're all merely. ingredients in the recipe of human. connection. And I believed by breaking. the plane, I was able to connect more. deeply with him, as it sounds like you. were able to absolutely by pulling up a. chair. the I learned so many lessons from Danny.

Meyer. I think Danny Meyer is one of the. true greats, not just in restaurants, but just he's one of the great men. One. of my favorite lessons I learned from. him was the charitable assumption. The. charitable assumption is a different way. of saying give people the benefit of the. doubt. Um yeah, in restaurants sometimes. people come in and they are acting like. jerks, >> right? Right. And that's just. >> the Felix story. >> Yeah. Well, yeah, a little bit. The. Felix story.

>> Yeah. Yeah. >> Um, and it's a totally fine expression. of human nature to decide that the. people acting like jerks no longer. deserve. >> our most profound hospitality. And yet, the charitable assumption would have you. instead. >> say, "Maybe they're acting like a jerk. because on their way to the restaurant. tonight, they just heard that their wife. was filing for divorce or someone in. their family had died. Maybe the person. acting like a jerk actually needs our. love. >> more than anyone else in the room. And. by the way, sometimes they're just.

jerks. >> Yeah. >> But I'd always rather air on the side of. assuming the best in someone than the. the other way around. >> So I I I mentioned the Felix story. because he was a jerk. He was a jerk. He. was a jerk. But when he comes in late, no explanation. The first thing you say. is not, "Oh my god, why are you late?". Well, you say, "Is everything okay?". >> Is everything okay? >> That's a charitable assumption. Is. everything okay? Are you all right? Is. your family all right? >> Felix was a guy that worked for me that. I gave him the charitable assumption.

when he was late, very, very late into a. service that was a very busy one for us. at that restaurant and said, "Hey, are. you okay? Like, is everything okay? What. what's going on?" He goes, "No, I just I. just didn't want to come in until right. now." Um, [laughter]. Daniel, >> spoiler alert, I fired Felix. because here's the thing. I I think when. you work so so so hard to build a. culture and to embody and celebrate what. right looks like and someone is that.

reckless with that culture, they cannot. continue to be a part of it. >> You fired him, but didn't corporate. rehire him? >> Yes. [laughter]. >> Yes. >> Um I got a call. uh 3 days later from someone at. corporate. This is not Danny Myers. company. And rather than even ask for my. side of the story, they said, "Hey, we. talked to Felix. Like, he makes us a lot. of money. We rehired them. >> without even consulting with you, the. manager, >> consulting me." And when you give as.

much of yourself to a job as I've always. given to the ones I've had, and you feel. that disenfranchised, there's only one thing you can do. And. so, I put in my notice there. And it was. from there that I ended up. one step away from 11 Madison Park. >> Yeah. So is it true that when you no. longer have trust in the people who are. over you who like the corporate office. you no longer trusted them because they. didn't trust you and so you know that is.

not going to be a workable situation. that's when it's time to go. I think. it's impossible to trust people from. whom you don't feel you are receiving. trust. >> And and I I do like the more trust you. give people, the more trustworthy they. become. Right? It's like the. self-fulfilling idea. Now, I always try. to give people, whether they're the ones. I work for or the ones that work for me, one more chance. >> than might seem appropriate to earn that. trust. But I think some some violations.

are hard to to wind back. >> Felix was one of them. >> Yeah. >> Kyle, what did you want to say? >> Well, I had the privilege of attending. the unreasonable hospitality summit um. back in May in Nashville and it left a. huge mark on me. >> Thank you. >> I'm a district manager at Soul Cycle and. at our core we are an indoor cycling. studio. Um but we really consider. ourselves to be a hospitality business. first. Uh when I first found SoulCycle, I was newly sober and um you know. looking for I didn't know it at the.

time, but I was really looking for a new. community and a sense of belonging and I. really found it in our studios. Um I. believed in the experience so much that. I actually started working as cleaning. staff just so I could get free rides. just to get in. >> Yeah. And today I have the honor of. leading several of our markets and the. teams that that bring that magic to. life. What drives me. >> from cleaning staff to that? Congratulations. >> Thank you so much. >> Thank you. [applause] Thank you. >> What drives me is is the hope of being.

able to create that same kind of. transformative experience for others. that SoulCycle created for me. So, you. know, I always say that that I I found. my passion at SoulCycle, but I found my. purpose in the work that we do every. single day. So my question for you is. since um hospitality is always evolving, what are some uh mindsets or practices. leaders like myself could adopt to keep. making people feel seen in new ways? >> It will be in the unable hospital guide.

>> Yeah, I'd love to answer that, but you. do need to buy the book. [laughter]. >> One of my favorite quotes of my dad is. keep your eyes peeled. Um what he meant. when he said that was no matter where. you are, there's inspiration all around. you if you are well looking hard enough. and there to grab it and hold on to it. when you find it. I found that I was. able to bring fresh perspectives to the. work I was doing in the restaurant. because of things that inspired me in. other places. And I've been inspired on.

airplanes or I was inspired at Rocky the. musical. I was inspired at barber shops. and in each one of those things because. I was able to see the thing that was. happening, take it home, make it my own. I was always able to come up with new. new innovative ideas. It's actually. another Maya Angelou quote. The more. creative you are, the more creative you. become. >> Right? If you create a practice of. observation, a practice of reflection, I just don't think there's any end to.

the amount of inspiration we can receive. and by definition the ideas we can. create. Kyle, can you give us an idea of how. you're on the cleaning staff and you get. noticed enough because usually people. don't pay attention to people on the. cleaning staff and you're not not even. in the peripheral vision of anybody to. even recognize that you have other. talents. >> Well, a lot of our roles at SoulCoul. Cycle are riderfacing. Um, so you know,

I I'm just a firm believer that if you, you know, give good hospitality and you. make people feel seen, um, it'll it'll. come back tfold. So, um, I believe in. that and I stand by it and and and I. believe that that experience came true. for me. >> Wow. >> And yeah, and by the way, obviously I. remember you from the summit. [clears throat] Your energy is. unforgettable. >> Thank you. And I I would imagine knowing. you only as much as I do that you got. promoted because you act like you acted.

like the role you wanted to be in. >> and people saw the initiative you were. taking and wanted to just give you more. >> I was goingh. amen choir. [laughter]. >> Well, you and I have something else in. common. Here's what you say about gifts. on page 217. That gifts are a way to. tell people you saw, heard, and. recognized them that you cared enough. >> Yes. to listen and to do something with. what you heard. What's your idea of the. perfect gift? >> I mean, I think first of all that last.

line I think is such an important one. So many people have great ideas. They. listen, they hear something, they come. up with an idea, and yet the difference. between the good and the great is the. simple decision to decide to do. something with what you heard. >> Do it with a gift, with an idea, with. whatever it is. my perfect gift. It. could look like a thousand different. things. It It just needs to One of my. favorite kind of articulations is one.

size fits one. That it's a gift that. almost wouldn't make sense for anyone. else to receive, but for that person, it's perfect. That it is completely. bespoke and it could cost $3 or it could. cost $3,000. M. >> the impact of a $3 one size one fits one. gift will always be bigger than the. impact of a 3,000 one sizefits all gift. >> Wow. >> In my view. >> What's one of the best gifts you've ever. received?

>> Um I'll tell you I I just received an. amazing gift four days ago. I I do a lot. of speaking about unreasonable. hospitality. I'm very fortunate to be on. the receiving end of some pretty cool. gestures when I go to do a talk. Um, I. did a talk in Nashville where I live now. and my mom was sick, my dad was working. a lot. So, we had a nanny who was my.

cousin who lived with us for years and. Liz is her name and she is like my. second mom. >> Liz is one of the most important people. in the world to me. Um, and yet since I. moved to Nashville, I haven't seen her. in a couple years. Um, the people. hosting me called my dad and said, "Hey, what's a gift that we could give Will. that no one else would ever think of?". And he said, "Get Liz." And so I walk. into the room to do my pre conversation. with the person that was interviewing. me.

>> And Liz is sitting at the table that I'm. going to sit at. And Liz doesn't dress. up, so she's wearing like fancy pants. and a button-down shirt. And I'm looking. at her like, "Is there a lady that works. in this hotel that looks exactly like. Liz?" Turns out it was her. They just. flew her down and we got to spend three. days together. And that with everything. that's going on in my life right now, >> there is no greater gift I could have. received. >> Well, thank you for the gift of this. book. >> Thank you. >> Unreasonable hospitality. There's so. much more phenomenal business and life.

advice in this book that uh I think that. our audience you're gonna leave with the. book. [applause]. >> Yes. Yes. >> Can I. >> Yes. [applause]. Yeah. >> I mean, do you realize what I'm. experiencing right now? [laughter]. I believe you can talk things into. existence. This is a pinch me moment. being up here with you [clears throat]. right now. I don't I just want to make.

clear that I don't take moments like. this for granted, nor do I think any of. us ever should. And the fact that my. book was just the book that you gave. away. [laughter]. >> Hell yeah. >> Hell yeah. [applause]. >> An absolute delight. Thank you. Will. Gddara's fantastic book, Unreasonable. Hospitality, will make you a more. generous, more present, sensitive, and. available person. >> to use your gifts, your talents, your. offerings to uplift someone else's life.

That's what I love about this book. >> Thank you so much. >> It's available wherever you buy your. books. And keep an eye out for. Unreasonable Hospitality: The Field. Guide coming in April of 2026. Chef. Danielle Belalute, thank you so much. Thank you so much for being here. [applause]. >> And a big thank you to this wonderful. audience for being with us in New York. City. Go well everybody. Go well. You. can subscribe to the Opra podcast on. YouTube and follow us on Spotify, Apple. Podcasts, or wherever you listen. I'll.

see you next week. Thanks everybody.