The Sunday Read: ‘What Deathbed Visions Teach Us About Living’

[Music]. hi my name is Phoebe zerwick and I'm a. contributor to the New York Times. magazine for this week's Sunday read. we'll be sharing a recent article for. the magazine about deathbed Visions. visions that people experience as. they're. dying these Visions can begin days weeks.

maybe even months before someone passes. away and they can cover a whole range of. subjects but they tend to Center on the. patient's earlier life and lived. experience as death approaches people. will begin to see friends and relatives. even pets whom they loved who preceded. them in. death they might even hear the person. speak or smell their. perfume people describe the deathbed.

Visions as realer than real as different. from any other kinds of dreams that. they've ever. had so this story is based on the. research by a physician named Dr Chris. Kerr who works at hospice Buffalo he. believed that these deathbed Visions. were completely different from delusions. or hallucinations brought on by. medication and so Kerr's team. interviewed his patients and their. relatives they found that these.

experiences were common among a majority. of patients an astonishing 88% in their. first. study Dr Kerr often says that he hasn't. discovered anything new he's just. reclaimed wisdom that's been lost to. modern. medicine in the past Century death moved. from people's homes and into a hospital. setting it became medicalized with. machines sleeping and doctors and nurses.

rushing. around and to appreciate these end of. life experiences you need a little bit. of quiet and time to just talk otherwise. they might go. unnoticed I should say I'm not religious. I don't have beliefs about the. afterlife normally I write about topics. like mass incarceration abortion or the. refugee. crisis Deathbed Visions are something.

that I'd never heard of until I. encountered it in my own life you'll. hear about that later on but after that. experience I was compelled to report on. it last June I spent about a week at. hospice Buffalo with Dr Kerr I met some. of his patients or their surviving. relatives sitting back and letting. people tell their stories I understand. you were seeing your mom too she showed.

up she was waving to you or something. right she was standing over here one. patient Peggy hosi said that she had. been visited by her mother who was. waiting for her how long ago did she. pass 11 years she a smile on her face. you think you'll be seeing her more I. will Peggy also saw her dog I saw Kasha.

she was smiling casha didn't. bark I'm at peace with. everybody I'm happy I'm okay I know it's. not time yet I'm not quite ready yet but. it's. coming Dr Kerr's patients told me that. being with and talking to their. relatives about their visions that it. provided a kind of comfort and peace to. them.

their relatives said that knowing that. the person they loved was not scared of. what lay ahead of death made their grief. much more. bearable since my article was published. so many people have shared their own. stories some people interpret this as. evidence of an. afterlife some is something about the. power of our inner mind or. Consciousness others as just love in its. purest form.

personally I don't want to put a label. on it. myself but the fact is someday we're all. going to reach the end of our own lives. and as the research Bears out when that. does happen people tend to find these. Visions helpful or spiritually. meaningful so this story is an attempt. to explain. them so here's my article read by. Samantha.

Dez our audio producer is Jack. ddoro the original music you'll hear was. written and performed by Aaron. [Music]. [Laughter]. [Music]. Esposito Chris Kerr was 12 when he first. observed a deathbed Vision his memory of. that summer in 1974 is blurred but not.

the sense of mystery he felt at the. bedside of his dying. father throughout Kerr's childhood in. Toronto his father a surgeon was too. busy to spend much time with his son. except for an annual fishing trip they. took just the two of them to the. Canadian. wilderness gaunt and weakened by cancer. at 42 his father reached for the buttons. on Kur shirt fiddled with them and said. something about getting ready to catch. the plane to their cabin in the woods.

I knew intuitively I knew wherever he. was must be a good place because we were. going fishing KR told me as he moved to. touch his father Kerr felt a hand on his. shoulder a priest had followed him into. the hospital room and was now leading. him away telling him his father was. delusional K's father died early the. next morning ker now calls what he. witnessed an end of Life. vision.

his father wasn't delusional he believes. his mind was taking him to a time and. place where he and his son could be. together in the Wilds of Northern Canada. and the priest he feels made a mistake. one that many other caregivers make of. dismissing the moment as a break with. reality as something from which the boy. required. protection it would be more than 40. years before Kerr felt compelled to. speak about about that evening in the.

hospital room he had followed his father. and three generations before him into. medicine and was working at hospice and. paliative Care Buffalo where he was the. chief medical officer and conducted. research on endof life. Visions it wasn't until he gave a tedx. talk in 2015 that he shared the story of. his father's death pacing the stage and. the sport coat he always wears he told. the audience my point here is I didn't. choose this topic of dying I feel it has.

chosen or followed me he went on when I. was present at the bedside of the dying. I was confronted by what I had seen and. tried so hard to forget from my. childhood I saw dying patients reaching. and calling out to mothers and to. fathers and to Children many of whom. hadn't been seen for many years but what. was remarkable was so many of them. looked at.

peace the talk received millions of. views and thousands of comments many. from nurses grateful that someone in the. medical field validated what they have. long understood others too posted. personal stories of having witnessed. loved ones Visions in their final days. for them Kerr's message was a kind of. confirmation of something they. instinctively knew that deathbed Visions. are real can provide Comfort even heal. past trauma that they can in some cases.

feel Transcendent that our minds are. capable of conjuring images that help us. at the end make sense of Our. Lives nothing incurs medical training. prepared him for his first shift at. hospice Buffalo one Saturday morning in. the spring of. 1999 he had earned a degree from the. Medical College of Ohio while working on. a PhD in. neurobiology after a residency in.

Internal Medicine KR started a. fellowship in cardiology in Buffalo to. earn extra money to support his wife and. two young daughters he took a part-time. job with hospice. Buffalo until then Kerr had worked in. the conventional medical system focused. on patients who were often Tethered to. machines or heavily. medicated if they recounted Visions he. had no time to listen but in the quiet. of hospice Kerr found him himself in the.

presence of something he hadn't seen. since his father's death patients who. spoke of people and places visible only. to. them so just like with my father there's. just this feeling of reverence of. something that wasn't understood but. certainly felt he. says during one of his shifts Kerr was. checking on a 70-year-old woman named. Mary whose grown children had gathered. in her room drinking wine till l in the.

mood without warning her remembers Mary. sat up in her bed and crossed her arms. at her chest Danny she CED kissing and. cuddling a baby only she could see at. first her children were confused there. was no Dany in the family no baby in. their mother's arms but they could sense. that whatever their mother was. experiencing brought her a sense of calm. kater learned that long before her four. children were born Mary lost a baby in.

childbirth she never spoke of it with. her children but now she was through a. vision seemingly addressing that. [Music]. loss in observing Mary's final days at. hospice Kerr found his calling I was. disillusioned by the assembly line.

nature of medicine KR told me this felt. like a more Humane and dignified model. of care he quit Cardiology to work. full-time at the bedsides of dying. patients many of them described visions. that Drew from their lives and seemed to. hold meaning unlike hallucinations. resulting from medication or delusional. incoherent thinking which can also occur. at the end of life but KR couldn't. persuade other doctors even young.

residents making the rounds with him at. hospice of their value they wanted. scientific. proof at the time only a handful of. published medical studies had documented. deathbed visions and they largely relied. on secondhand reports from doctors and. other caregivers rather than accounts. from patients themselves on a flight. home from a conference Kerr outlined a. study of his own and in 2010 a research.

fellow Anne Banis signed on to conduct. it with him like Kerr Banis had a family. member who before his death experienced. Visions a grandfather who imagined. himself in a train station with his. brothers the study wasn't designed to. answer how these Visions differ. neurologically from hallucinations or. delusions rather Kerr saw his role as. chronicler of his patient experience. experiences borrowing from social.

science research methods Kerr Banis and. their colleagues based their study on. daily interviews with patients in the. 22-bed inpatient unit at the hospice. campus in the hope of capturing the. frequency and varied subject matter of. their Visions patients were screened to. ensure that they were lucid and not in a. confused or Delirious State the research. published in 2014 in the Journal of. paliative Medicine. found that Visions are far more common.

and frequent than other researchers had. found with an astonishing 88% of. patients reporting at least one. Vision later studies in Japan India. Sweden and Australia confirm that. Visions are common the percentages range. from about 20 to 80% though a majority. of these studies rely on interviews with. caregivers and not. patients in the last last 10 years Kerr.

has hired a permanent research team who. expanded the studies to include. interviews with patients receiving. Hospice Care at home and with their. families deepening the researchers. understanding of the variety and. profundity of these Visions they can. occur while patients are asleep or fully. conscious dead family members figure. most prominently and by contrast Visions. involving religious themes are. exceedingly rare patient often relive.

seminal moments from their lives. including joyful experiences of falling. in love and painful ones of rejection. some dream of the unresolved tasks of. daily life like paying bills or raising. children Visions also entail past or. imagined Journeys whether long car trips. or short walks to. school regardless of the subject matter. the Visions patients say feel real and. entirely unique compared with anything.

else they've ever experienced they can. begin days even weeks before death most. significant as people near the end of. their lives the frequency of Visions. increases further centering on deceased. people or pets it is these final visions. that provide patients and their loved. ones with profound meaning and. Solace K's latest research is focused on.

the emotional transformation he has. often observed in patients who. experience such Visions the first in. this series of studies published in 2019. measured psychological and spiritual. growth among two groups of hospice. patients those who had visions and a. control group of those who did not. patients rated their agreement with. statements including I changed my. priorities about what is important in. life or I have a better understanding of.

spiritual matters those who experienced. end of life Visions agreed more strongly. with those statements suggesting that. the Visions sparked inner change even at. the end of life it's the most remarkable. of our studies kurr told me it. highlights the Paradox of dying that. while there is physical deterioration. they are growing and finding meaning it. highlights What patients are telling us. that they are being put back.

together in the many conversations Kerr. and I have had over the past year the. contradiction between medicine's demand. for evidence and the ineffable quality. of his patient experiences came up. repeatedly he was first struck by this. tension about a year before the. publication of his first study during a. visit with a World War II veteran named. John who was tormented throughout his. life by nightmares that took him back to.

the beaches of Normandy on. D-Day JN had been part of a rescue. mission to bring wounded soldiers to. England by ship and leave those too far. gone to Die the nightmares continued. through his dying days until he dreamed. of being discharged from the Army in a. second dream a fallen soldier appeared. to JN to tell him that his comrades. would soon come to get him the night. nightmares ended after.

that Kerr has been nagged ever since by. the inadequacy of Science and of. language to fully capture the mysteries. of the mind we were so caught up in. trying to quantify and give structure to. something so deeply spiritual and really. we were just bystanders witnesses to. this he says it feels a little small to. be filling in forms when you're looking. at a 90s something yearold veteran who. was back in time 70 years having an.

experience you can't even. understand when Kerr talks about his. research at conferences nurses tend to. nod their heads in approval doctors roll. their eyes in disbelief he finds that. Skeptics often understand the research. best when they watch taped interviews. with. patients what's striking about this. footage which dates back to Kerr's early. work in 2008 is not so much the Contex. of the Visions but rather the patient.

demeanor there's an absence of fear Kerr. says a teenage girl's face lights up as. she describes a dream in which she and. her deceased Aunt were in a castle. playing with Barby dolls a man dying of. cancer talks about his wife who died. several years earlier and who comes to. him in his dreams always in blue she. waves she smiles that's it but in in the. moment he seems to be transported to.

another time or. place Kerr has often observed that in. the very end dying people lose interest. in the activities that preoccupied them. in life and turn toward those they love. as to why Kerr can only speculate in his. 2020 book death is but a dream he. concludes that the love his patients. find in dying often brings them to a. place that some call enlightenment. and others call God time seems to vanish.

he told me the people who loved you well. secured you and contributed to who you. are are still accessible at a spiritual. and psychological. level that was the case with Connor. O'Neal who died at the age of 10 in 2022. and whose parents Kerr and I visited in. their home they told us that just 2 days. before his death their son called called. out the name of a family friend who.

without the boy's knowledge had just. died do you know where you are Connor's. mother asked Heaven the boy replied. Connor had barely spoken in days or. moved without help but in that moment he. sat up under his own strength and threw. his arms around her neck Mommy I love. you he. said Kerr's research finds that such. moments which transcend the often. painful physical decline in the last.

days of Life help parents like the. o'neals and other relatives grieve even. unfathomable loss I don't know where I. would be without that closure or that. gift that was given to us Connor's. father told us it's hard enough with it. as Kerr explains it's the difference. between being wounded and. [Music]. soothed.

in June I visited the adult daughter of. a patient who died at home just days. earlier we sat in her mother's living. room looking out on the patio and bird. feeders that had given the mother so. much. joy 3 days before her mother's death the. daughter was straightening up the room. when her mother began to speak more more. lucidly than she had in days the.

daughter crawled into her mother's bed. held her hand and listened her mother. first spoke to the daughter's father. whom she could see in the far corner of. the room handsome as ever she then. started speaking with her second husband. visible only to her yet real enough for. the daughter to ask whether he was. smoking his pipe can't you smell it her. mother. replied even in the retelling the moment. felt. sacred I will never ever forget it the.

daughter told me it was so. beautiful I also met one of bis's. patients Peggy hosi who had enrolled in. hospice for Home Care Services just days. earlier after doctors at the Cancer. Hospital in Buffalo found blood clots. throughout her body a sign that the. year-long treatment had stopped working. it was time for her husband Steven to. keep her comfortable at home with their. two. greyhounds Steven LED Banis and me to.

the family room where Peggy lay on the. couch Banis knelt on the floor checked. her patient's catheter reduced her. prescriptions so there were fewer pills. for her to swallow every day and ordered. a numbing cream for pain in her tailbone. She also asked about her Visions the. nurse on call that weekend witnessed. Peggy speaking with her dead mother she. was standing over here Peggy told Banis. gesturing ring toward the corner of the.

room was that the only time you saw her. Banis asked so far do you think you'll. be seeing her more I will I will. considering what's going. on Peggy sank deeper into the couch and. closed her eyes recounting another visit. from the dad this time by the first. Greyhound she and Steven. adopted I'm at peace with everybody I'm. happy she said it's not time yet I know.

it's not time but it's. coming when my mother Chloe zerwick was. dying in 2018 I had never heard of end. of life Visions I was acting on. intuition when her caregiver started. telling me about what we were then. calling. hallucinations mom was 95 and living in. her Hudson Valley home under hospice. care with lung disease and congestive. heart failure barely able to leave her. bed. the hospice doctor prescribed an opioid.

for pain and put her on anticho and. anti-anxiety medicines to tame the. so-called hallucinations he worried were. preventing her from. sleeping it is possible that some of. these medications caused mom's Visions. but as Kerr has explained drug induced. hallucinations do not rule out naturally. occurring Visions they can. coexist in my mother's case I inherently. understood that her imaginary life was.

something to honor I knew what medicine. induced hallucinations looked and felt. like about 10 years before her death mom. fell and injured her spine doctors in. the local hospital put her on an opioid. to control the pain which left her. acting like a different person there. were spiders crawling on the hospital. wall she said she mistook her roommate's. bed for a train platform worse she. denied that I love her or ever did once.

we took her off the medicine the. hallucinations. vanished the Visions she was having at. the end of her life were entirely. different they were connected to the. long life she had led and brought a deep. sense of comfort and Delight you know. for the first time in my life I have no. worries she told me I remember feeling a. weight lift after more than a decade of. failing Health she seemed to have found.

a sense of. Peace the day before her death as her. breathing became more labored mom made. an announcement I have a new leader she. said who is that I asked Mark he's going. to take me to the other side she was. speaking of my husband alive and well. back home in North. Carolina that's great mom except that I. need him here with me I replied lied do. you think he can do both oh yes he's.

very. capable that evening mom was struggling. again to breathe I'm thinking of the. next world she said and of my husband. who would lead her there the caregiver. on duty for the night and I sat at her. bedside as mom's oxygen level fell from. 68 to 63 to 52 and kept dropping until. she died the next morning. my mother was not a brave person in the.

traditional sense of the word she was. afraid of snakes the subway platform and. any hint of pain but she faced her death. confident that a man who loves her. daughter would guide her to whatever lay. ahead do you think it will happen to you. she asked me at one point about her. dreaming life maybe it's genetic I. replied not knowing as I do now that. these experience iences are part of what. may await us.

[Music]. all.