The Sunday Read: ‘The Kidnapping I Can’t Escape’

my name is taffy brodesser akner and I'm. a staff writer for the New York Times. magazine I grew up in Brooklyn but I. spent the first few years of my life on. Long Island where my father was. raised my father had this childhood. friend named Jack ta and as adults they. actually worked together at the steel. fabrication company owned by Jack's. family growing up I knew Jack as this.

regular Suburban businessman. extraordinarily punctual a consummate. family man he and his wife were. incredible art. collectors but in. 1974 the year before I was born Jack. actually made headlines as the victim of. an unimaginable. crime he was kidnapped from his driveway. in the suburbs of Long Island dragged. off at gunpoint and held in a closet for. days away from his wife and his young.

children after a week in captivity he. was ransomed back to his family for. hundreds of thousands of. dollars he made it out healthy and safe. and by all outward appearances he moved. on I grew up very aware of Jack's. story as a child I would wonder what it. was like to be rich enough to be. kidnapped But as time went by and I. developed to empathy and compassion at.

all the right stages I came to. understand that someone I knew and cared. about had been the victim of a. completely violent. crime and then recently as I was working. on my novel Long Island compromise which. just came out a kidnapping kept finding. its way into the. plot the book is about money and I. couldn't resist this idea that in a. kidnapping the same money that made you. safe in the world also put you in danger.

but then it saved you again was money. good or was it. bad as I kept writing I knew I needed to. talk to Jack as a family friend to warn. him about the fact that I really wanted. to use a kidnapping in my. book when I finally spoke with him not. only did he give me his Blessing but he. told me that he was also writing a book. himself he was writing a. memoir he had never spoken about his. kidnapping.

and he was worried about leaving this. world without a document to show his. children and his grandchildren what was. the defining event of his. life so I went off to write my book and. Jack went off to write his and he sent. me a copy of his finished. book when I read it I came to learn all. of these devastating details about his. kidnapping ones I hadn't known you'll. hear about a lot of them in this week's. Sunday read but the way he spoke about.

his kidnapping in the book that's what. was incredible to me he spoke about it. like it was a miracle like everything. came together for him and as an adult. who had experienced trauma of my own I. found myself looking at him as some sort. of mythological. creature the thing I had been through. was nothing like a. kidnapping why couldn't I see my. experience the way Jack saw. his what if I was thinking about about. trauma and its aftermath all.

wrong so here's my article the. kidnapping I can't escape read by gabra. zachman our audio producer today is. Adrien Hurst the original music you'll. hear was written and performed by Aaron. espito on November 12th. 1974 my father's childhood friend Jack. ta was kidnapped out of his driveway in.

the nicest part of the nicest part of. Long Island he was arriving home from. work at Acme steel partition and door. the steel fabrication company that his. family owned in Greenpoint Brooklyn it. was 640 p.m. and it was. raining he pulled up to the house and. killed the engine of his Lincoln Coupe. but saw that the white exterior of the. garage door still glowed even though he. had turned his high beams off he twisted. around in the the driver's seat and saw.

another car in the driveway its. headlights blinding. him excuse me a man. called he was now outside the car but. Jack could see him only in silhouette. because of how bright the headlights. were you know how to get to Northern. Boulevard Jack stepped out of his. car he was. surprised his street was so far off the. commuter path that it would be hard to. get lost and end up there looking for. Northern Boulevard.

in fact when Jack saw headlights in his. rearview mirror as he approached the. house that night he thought how strange. and rare it was to be on that same road. with. anyone excuse me Jack. asked but now the man was. approaching as he grew closer Jack saw. that he was wearing a ski mask and. holding a long barrel silver pistol. that's when he also saw a second man. taller this one holding a shot gun and.

also wearing a ski. mask you're coming with us the first man. said get over here or we're going to. blow your head. off Jack froze for a. moment he considered running behind the. house into the thicket of trees there. but he thought about his wife Janet and. his two small Sons 6-year-old Mark and. 2-year-old Michael who were in the house. right then how running might put them in. danger. but there was no time to think it.

through the first man had already. grabbed Jack and was hustling him into. the car one of the men pushed Jack into. the back seat and forced him to lie down. they put handcuffs on his wrists and. removed his glasses mashing some kind of. putty over his eyes followed by a. different pair of. glasses there was a can of gasoline on. the floor of the back seat the last. thing he saw before they blocked out his. vision and when Jack was forced to lie. down its stench fill his.

nostrils someone put a large sheet of. cardboard over his body and shut the. door they asked him his name he told. them it was Jack Jack ta right one of. them asked the only one who would speak. to him from then on then he said you're. a Jew. right jack replied that he was and grew. even more scared because it was not good. news then or really any time in history. to be asked that question. eventually the car stopped and the men.

pulled him out and directed him down a. path then up a bunch of steps he. remembers a lock then another lock then. the sound his dress shoes made on the. floor they searched his pockets and put. him into what he thinks must have been a. closet his head hit what felt like a. wire. hanger the men wrapped chains around his. legs and neck and padlocked them to some. sort of hook on the closet wall one of. them dug the putty out of Jack's eyes. and then wrapped an adhesive bandage. around around his.

head the main kidnapper began. interrogating him he wanted the names. birthdays addresses and phone numbers of. his family. members he wanted to know how much money. was in the family business he asked how. payroll worked he asked about profits. and unions and the company's real estate. holdings he asked Jack what he owned art. cars. buildings he asked where he vacationed. if he had Maids or a.

butler he asked what kind of stocks he. had if he had a. mortgage he asked how much Jack donated. to the Jewish Defense League the answer. nothing he berad jack for hours about. the plate of the Palestinians ranting. that the Jews were going to kill yaser. Arafat the PLO leader he ranted further. about Jewish slum Lords but veered into. non. sequitors your money is going overseas. to buy food for poor.

people he told Jack he had a PhD he told. him he had nine. children the man was organized and. depraved he was smart and completely. nuts the kidnapper forced him to record. an audio message which began like this. I'm in a place where there's no escape. from the group is serious and they mean. what they say Janet don't call the. police. on the second night Jack was gone Janet.

received a call from someone demanding a. ransom of. $750,000 and promising to call again. with. details the next night the caller told. Janet to tell Jack's brother buddy to go. to the Exxon station near his house in. Westchester and check the trash can. there there in a vinyl bag buddy found a. few of Jack's personal items a tape of. the recording he made and a letter of. instruction that told them how to divide. the money old bills not in sequence.

unmarked and. unrecorded on Tuesday November 19th a. week after Jack first disappeared Janet. and Buddy drove to the city with agents. and cars behind them and a surveillance. helicopter above them they arrived at a. telephone Bank in Time Square at 6:30. p.m. as instructed from there a series. of phone calls sent them scrambling to. several different phone booths and. eventually down into Penn Station and. then toward a locker Penn Station used. to provide lockers to drop the money.

there here was the problem other than. the main problem which was that two. terrified exhausted civilians from the. suburbs were doing a ransom drop for a. violent lunatic criminal there were. dozens of FBI agents and police officers. and detectives swirling around the drop. but underground at Penn Station Janet. and Buddy's two-way radio stopped. working and Chaos ensued buddy. accidentally put the bag of money in the. wrong Locker the man on the phone told.

Janet that buddy couldn't be. trusted after another series of calls at. different booths buddy and Janet. corrected the mistake and finally got a. call telling them they had done a good. job and to go home in the chaos The Bag. Man Got. Away sometime later Jack was yanked out. of the closet the main kidnapper told. him that though they had strongly. considered killing him they had decided. it was better to send him home so that. he could tell the world about the plight. of poor people as he'd been lectured.

about he told Jack they would be. watching him they put wax in his ears. and bandages over his eyes and black. shoe polish on his face then they. stuffed him back into a car and dumped. him just off the Belt Parkway Jack. staggered to the Jade East Motel right. near John F Kennedy Airport and he. called. home he was picked up a few minutes. later and taken directly to the FBI's. Manhattan headquarters on East 69th. Street where he remained through the. night for debriefing. Janet eventually arrived and by the time.

that taas left in the morning the. entirety of the New York Press was. outside waiting for him the pictures. published in The Daily News and. elsewhere the next day show him and. Janet shellshocked but. intact a. miracle Jack was home safe he had. survived his. kidnapping but the actual kidnapping is. not what this story is about if you can. believe it it's about surviving what you. survived which is also known as the rest.

of your. [Music]. life after Jack's return the taas moved. on they stayed in their home in Kings. Point determined not to further. destabilize the children Jack went back. to work the kids went back to school. they didn't talk about the kidnapping it. wasn't a factor in their. lives how much did the kidnapping not. hover over. them well eventually several years after. the incident Jack and Janet welcomed a.

third child Jamie a daughter Jaimie did. not know her father was kidnapped until. she was 13 she found out one day when. she was sitting at the kitchen table. reading a young adult novel called The. Face on the Milk Carton it was a book I. remember everyone our age range reading. at the time about a teenage girl who. sees her own face on a milk carton. marked as a missing person and begins to. realized that she is not being raised by. her biological parents Jamie remarked to. her mother how scary the premise was to. her her and Janet looked up and said I.

have to tell you. something that's how little the. kidnapping. loomed then a few years ago Jack was at. a dinner with some people from a. professional association he belongs to. when this question went around if you. were to write a book about your life. what would you call it Jack knew the. answer immediately I'd call it operation. jackn he said jackn was the name that. the FBI had given Jack's.

case the table greeted this with silence. Jack was almost 80 by then he had rarely. talked in public or even in private. about his experience most of the people. there had no idea he had even been. kidnapped maybe some of them remember. the news story but how do you bring that. up also how do you square a kidnapping. with the prosperous flourishing Factory. owner and proud family man that he so. clearly. was you see Jack was fine he was better. than fine he was successful an emblem of.

a dream that his ancestors just two. generations back couldn't have even. known how to dream about his business. was thriving he was healthy his family. traveled they collected art they. educated their. children look at what a person can. endure and end up totally great the taas. walked in lock step toward a bright. future that was and is the Jewish dream. of. America can you imagine.

can you imagine that you could go. through that and end up. [Music]. fine I've known the taas my whole life. my father grew up with Janet and her. brother Richard in Great Neck the. township that Kings Point is part of. Jack was a few years older but he he too. grew up in Great Neck right across the.

street from. Janet as an adult my father was at the. Forefront of the baffling new world of. business Computing in the 1980s and Jack. hired him as a consultant for Acme where. he automated and streamlined the. company's Manufacturing Systems I would. go to Greenpoint to work with him. sometimes and Jack was always nice to me. giving me small tasks like shredding old. documents that probably didn't need to. be shredded he wore suits and took. charge and commanded respect and came to. Define businessman in my mind also he.

looked to me like Neil Diamond we had a. Neil Diamond album at home and I spent. some time when I was five or six. thinking that it was Jack on the cover. of that album that he had this whole. other. life I grew up my father left Acme and I. rarely saw the taas mark the eldest son. and I found each other again as adults. he's a few years older than I am and. when I graduated from college and got my. first job he was already living in the. city married with a child in 2001 I was.

let go from my job at a soap opera. magazine yes and the next day he called. up to my apartment and told me to come. downstairs he drove me to Stew Leonard's. in his convertible and bought me a. refrigerator full of groceries and gave. me a summer job doing data entry at Acme. for $500 a week which allowed me to. start writing freelance articles which. allowed me to eventually end up here. doing. this Mark and I stayed in warm. touch then several years ago I texted.

him to ask if we could get together Mark. responded immediately and said that. actually he had been about to reach out. to me and he and his father would love. to meet. up we met near Bryant Park for lunch I. told them I was about to start writing. my second novel it was about a wealthy. family on Long Island who lose their. money the leakage of my frustrations at. watching the middle class disappear and. at the moneyless of my own youth. let's all agree for the sake of this.

story that relative moneyless isn't a. dollar amount but a state of mind and. stomach born of your own particular. circumstance I was grappling with a. question I had which was this who was. better off people who were born with. money and never had to worry about their. survival or people like me who didn't. feel they had the financial stability. and who had to learn to be survivors on. their own did having money Doom you in a. way.

I wanted to see the taas because I was. embarrassed to report that though the. fictional family and my unfinished novel. bore only rudimentary biographical. resemblance to them a kidnapping kept. finding its way into the plot there was. something I couldn't resist thematically. about it because it elucidated one of. the many paradoxes of money that money. can put you in a kind of danger even as. it brings you safety. too Jack gave me his Blessing. immediately in in fact he said it was.

funny that I was writing something like. that because he had been thinking about. writing a book. himself a few years earlier he saw a. write up about the Memoir of a guy he. knew a man who survived awit and went on. to become a successful tailor Jack. realized he wanted to tell his story too. he had suddenly found himself closer to. the end of his life than the middle of. it and he decided that he wanted to. write a book that he wouldn't leave this. world without a document that would. exist to let his children and. grandchildren know what had happened to. him that's why he wanted to talk to me.

to get my advice on. publishing I offered to give him. whatever help I could I introduced him. to an entertainment lawyer to help him. negotiate with a ghost writer and every. now and then I would get an update that. he really enjoyed working with the ghost. writer that they hired someone to make a. Wikipedia page about the. kidnapping that finally a small. publisher was. interested in March 2020 I received the. finished book in the mail operation. jackn a true story of kidnapping.

extortion Ransom and Rescue by Jack T. his name done up like cutout letters. from a ransom. note I didn't read Jack's Book for a. while I didn't want to confuse myself. between the kidnapping I was writing and. the one that actually happened but on. the day I sent in my final pass on Long. Island compromise which is what I called. my novel I finally opened it I read it. in one sitting I hadn't known much about. the kidnapping in the first place just.

that Jack had been taken from his own. driveway and released a week later now I. learned the details not just of the. abduction and confinement but of the. harrowing rescue and its. aftermath about the two times that the. kidnappers tried to insens snare his. brother buddy instead of him about the. man who was eventually caught with. $38,600 of the ransom money and his. association with another person of. interest a former Acme employee who had. distributed anti-semitic literature at. work and who went on the run for 4 years.

after he was questioned by Nassau County. detectives an. employee law enforcement suspected that. three or four men had been involved but. only two were indicted the Acme employee. was one of them and only one went to. prison the bulk of the ransom was never. found the details of the kidnapping way. more involved than I was able to detail. above and subsequent investigation are. riveting you should read Jack's book but. as I was reading it it wasn't those. details that gripped me no it was how he.

told the. story in operation jackn he tells the. story of his rescue as if it were a. miracle each small vignette he tells is. set up in a way that shows how a good. resolution to the story seemed. completely out of the question until. others devoted themselves to his. rescue he writes about the irrepressible. dick Maguire the detective Sergeant with. Nassau County who wouldn't stop digging. even after all the trails went cold he.

writes about kind Joe palamini the. Nassau County police officer who lived. with and guarded Jack's family for an. 8-hour shift every day for almost a year. after the kidnapping he writes about. Jean batzer the journalist from the Long. Island press who found out about the. kidnapping but held the story when the. police asked him to for Jack's safety. can you imagine that a newspaper. reporter would hold a story just for him. he's sure he would be dead if the story.

had. run he writes about John Malone who even. though he was an assistant director in. charge of the FBI's New York field. office took Jack out night after night. checking to see if he could hear a match. for any of the trains or church bells he. remembered from his time in captivity. about how the tough devoted FBI agent. Margot denned who lived with Janet. during that terrible week became a kind. of sister to her for the rest of her. life about how Janet and were so. courageous to do the ransom drop that.

day themselves and how Janet in. particular Rose to every challenge that. was presented that week and for the rest. of her. life all these people the book. underscores worked tirelessly around the. clock to make sure that Jack was. released he can't believe how smart. everyone was how professional how. dedicated he thinks about when he was. picked up from the Jade East in Jamaica. near the airport how when when he. arrived at the FBI headquarters and was.

led in through a giant Bullpen filled. with hundreds of Agents the room went. silent every single agent stood up as. Jack walked through it's that moment he. thinks about when he thinks about his. kidnapping it's the friendships it's the. way everyone came through for him not. the rest of. it that detail about all the agents. standing up isn't in the book when Jack. told it to me recently I.

cried but it's not Jack that I was. crying. for Tolstoy tells us that all happy. families are alike and that each unhappy. family is unhappy in its own way a few. years ago I wrote a different novel my. first novel about divorce which was. inspired in part by the divorce stories. of several people I know and I came to. the conclusion that actually all. divorces are exactly alike. I tell you this because I've now come to.

understand the same thing about trauma. happy well-adjusted people are all. different the traumatized are exactly. alike I'm about to tell you a story that. is nothing like a violent kidnapping. almost laughably so but what I've. learned over the years is that trauma is. trauma something terrible happens beyond. what is in our own personal capacity to. cope with and the details don't matter. as much as the state we're thrown into. our body IES and brains have not evolved. to reliably differentiate a rape at.

knife point from a job loss that. threatens us with financial ruin or from. the dismantling of our world by our. parents divorce it's wrong but explain. that to your poor battered autonomic. nervous. system 16 years ago I was 39 weeks. pregnant when my obstetrician sent me to. the hospital to be induced I didn't. dilate easily or at all and the first. night I was there I was advised not to. get an epidural despite the pain of the. contractions because it would slow.

dilation even. further that night my husband went to. sleep and I was asked if I wanted pain. medication so that I could sleep too I. was offered stay doll I told the nurse I. had a history of anxiety would this be. okay to take she said yes and within a. minute of it entering my bloodstream I. began. hallucinating I was on a swing in my. hallucination the one in the backyard of. my father's old house on Long Island. every time I swung forward I came so. close to the house next door I almost.

crashed and then I was yanked back I was. terrified but I couldn't cry or call for. help because I was sure my snoring. husband whom I love and don't fear when. I'm not hallucinating was a snarling. monster whose wrath would be great if I. Disturbed him hours later I whispered to. the nurse that I had thought she was. giving me something like Tylenol not a. narcotic I told her I was hallucinating. she nodded and told me that sometimes. that happens.

the next day a different nurse told me. that I still hadn't dilated and my body. showed no signs of being ready to give. birth I'd been in induced labor for 24. hours by then I was exhausted she told. me my blood pressure was down and not to. tell the doctor that she was saying this. but that I should ask to give up on the. induction she told me to tell him I. would stay on bed rest in the hospital. even but that this baby didn't seem to. want to come out. yet when the doctor finally came I told. him just what the nurse said to say he.

told me that he would examine me and. that if I still wasn't dilated we would. talk about going home but while he was. examining me I felt a searing kind of. pain I screamed it went on I screamed to. my husband he's not examining me he's. doing something to me I screamed at the. doctor to stop it but he wouldn't I. screamed over and over for him to stop. and he still wouldn't my husband stood. Frozen the nurse avoided looking at me.

finally I heard the doctor tell her that. same nurse who now pretended we'd never. seen each other to get the hook I. screamed at him that I knew what the. hook was for and that he didn't have my. permission to break my water he told me. that I wasn't going home that he'd. stripped my membrane that there was. nothing left to do but break my water. and hope I dilate it defeated I lay back. and let him do. it as anyone could have predicted 11. hours later I was headed to the. operating room for an emergency.

C-section I lay SPL out on that table. paralyzed from the chest down eventually. I heard my baby cry I refused pain. medication after my c-section afraid. that whatever they gave me would make me. hallucinate again I cried day and night. asking the doctors and nurses if my. behavior seemed normal and they ignored. me what was all that talk about making. sure to tell someone if you're worried. that you're going to hurt yourself or. your baby I couldn't look down at my.

torn up body I refused to go to sleep. worried that I would do something to the. baby while I was unconscious I couldn't. stop telling any visitor what had. happened to me at the end of my Hospital. stay a nurse wheeled me out of the. hospital and while we were waiting for. my husband to pull the car around she. said you just need some. Jesus at home I was afraid to be alone. with the baby I still couldn't stop. telling everyone the story just about. everyone I encountered to this day I. remember every single person who.

wouldn't let me finish telling it who. stopped me and wouldn't let me go on for. whatever reason and I hate them for. it I sought treatment all kinds I had my. first visit with a psychiatrist within a. week and she told me I had postpartum. depression I went to postpartum. depression support groups where I scream. cried so loudly that other people had to. stop talking and wait for me to quiet. down I returned to the psychiatrists to. tell them that I didn't feel depressed. or otherwise identify with those faded.

women in those groups I felt insane I. was scared all the time I couldn't stop. reliving what had happened to me I. couldn't lie on my back because it. reminded me of the. C-section I asked everyone who would. listen what I should do for this. unbearable psychic pain I sat up every. night watching TV wondering about the. impact on a baby from a mother who cried. all the time I went to see doctors. constantly I thought I had a blood clot. I thought I had a brain tumor I thought. I was bleeding too much I didn't.

understand why I stopped bleeding so. abruptly I sat in front of a Seasonal. effective disorder lamp I did something. called bodyw work I did postpartum. therapy I did talk therapy I did a. progenitor of what would become EMDR I. went to my Rabbi I went to someone. else's priest Lord help me I consulted. the. internet I couldn't smell rubbing. alcohol because it reminded me of the. birthing room I bought a liquid soap. that I kept in my bag it was method.

brand the Sweet Water scent and smelled. that if I got a whiff of hand sanitizer. or rubbing alcohol which was often. because I was constantly going to. hospitals and doctor's offices to check. out my imagined ailments at the hospital. I passed a sign for a rape support group. I didn't dare go in but I stared at it. for a long time suspecting that the. people in there would understand me. better than anyone outside. did I prayed how I prayed I sced. screamed at the sky I begged God to help.

me to save me from whatever it was that. had taken me away from my life that made. it so that I now could see the world in. The Uncanny photo negative way that it. wasn't meant to be seen but that was the. truth a truth I can't shake even to this. day and then a few months passed and my. husband found a different psychiatrist. for me to talk to someone who did not. specialize in postpartum issues he. diagnosed me with post-traumatic stress. syndrome and gave me some Zoloft then.

some bu barar to help it along I began. to get better I could sleep again I. wasn't quite as scared. anymore I would like to say that I. became myself. again but I never. did I never got over it I never stopped. being bitter about that time about how. lonely and scared I was I never stopped. worrying about the impact it had on my. wonderful child I never got over the. fear on my husband's face as I screamed.

for help I truly never got over how. apparently fragile I am how unres ilent. I proved to. be that was one of the worst parts for. me that I knew something about myself. now which was that I was delicate I had. been rocked into a full nervous. breakdown and I had no idea what aspect. of the birth did it all I knew was that. should something go wrong a car accident. maybe or a mugging. I would be prone to falling.

apart it was that fragility that I just. couldn't get over I had thought I was. such a tough guy but that doctor took. one look at me and he knew that I would. literally lie back and accept his. treatment of me you'll say I'm being. unnecessarily hard on myself but months. later I saw the doctor and instead of. confronting him or spitting in his face. I hid behind a. tree a few years later I was contacted. by someone who had used that same. obstetric. and had heard that I had to she called.

me up and told me that she had filed a. complaint about him with the local. police and it would really help if I. told them my story too I told her I. absolutely would and then I never did. and never took a call from that number. again the pandemic came and the smell of. all that hand sanitizer nearly drove me. off a cliff worse my husband brought. home a pallet of method Sweetwater. scented soap remembering how much I like. the smell of it only now it reminded me. of the darkest time in my.

life and I never stopped needing to tell. the. story a couple of years after it. happened I began writing about it first. for an online magazine then a women's. print one eventually it somehow helped. me parlay this into a real career and it. would have been totally reasonable for. me to move on and never write about it. again except that I still. was in my first novel I found myself. giving the story of my son birth to the. book's most neglected and misunderstood.

character there was never a time I. reread that passage not in edits not in. copy edits not in the first or second. pass that I didn't. SOB I helped make the TV show version of. my book and I watched the birth scenes. play out angle after angle I sobbed at. my monitor at every single take while. everyone around me pretended that my. behavior was totally normal in the. editing room I sobbed every one of the. 50 times I watched each of those takes. the editor and producers kindly waiting.

a moment until I could speak again at. one point it occurred to me that all. these years later I had not gotten over. anything so much as I had built a city. out of my suffering a monument to my. trauma I had done hours of exposure. therapy by then and my last word on. exposure therapy is that if it worked. then hiring a world-class actress to. play out the worst day of my life over. and over would have made it so that I am. not sobbing even right now as I type. this so what does this have to do with.

Jack. T I'll tell you as I sat and read his. book I couldn't completely dismiss the. idea that if I had just figured out a. way to find some gratitude that I had. survived that day I could have borne the. whole thing more. gracefully I left that hospital my need. for Jesus notwithstanding physically. healthy and Alive my baby was healthy. and even the kind of even-tempered good. napping child that would take a mother's. nervous breakdown and.

stride what I'm saying is that I read. Jack's book and wondered why I couldn't. be like. that I didn't know why I couldn't get. over it I don't know why I can't get. over it. now yes if only I could be more like. Jack I thought at every stop on this. story but that's because I didn't see. what was going on yet. [Music].

a few weeks ago I went to visit Jack at. his home in Westchester where he and his. family relocated in. 1986 after years of discussion over. whether they should move what eventually. got the taas out of Kings Point was a. summer house they purchased in the birk. sheers and how much longer it took to. get there from Long Island Jack unlocked. the door and let me in then locked the. door behind me ushering me into his. office he was on hold with American. Express he explained coordinating a.

driver to pick him up from the airport. on a trip he was planning to. Greece at that point I thought I was. going to focus this article on the. ransom money which was never found. $750,000 would be more than $4.5 million. in today's dollars and its mystery vexes. Jack to this day he keeps a website with. information about the case and lists a. post office box for tips and clues so. that anyone reading his book or now this. article who knows something might come. forward he even offers a.

reward I asked him why he wanted the. money back it wasn't all that much. compared with his fortune today but he. wouldn't take a penny of it he told me. he would donate it to the federal law. enforcement Foundation which provides. Federal and local law enforcement with. financial. assistance Justice he told me that was. why he was interested in recovering the. money. someone at American Express was talking.

to him now and so I stood up and began. to wander around his office while he. made his. Arrangements in one corner is a set of. glass shelves with family photos jimie. with her husband and children Mark's. High School graduation portrait Michael. and his wife Janet and Jack with a group. of friends on the top shelf is a photo. that is as large as any of them it's a. portrait of Jack pointing and it's a. familiar one to me in 1994 the one. convicted kidnapper a man named Richard.

Warren Williams who had been in prison. for 17 years appealed The Verdict by. citing a 1986 Supreme Court ruling that. held jurors could not be dismissed on. the basis of race the jury for. Williams's case had been all white of. the 40 total potential jurors that had. been dismissed six were black records. for the case were destroyed in a fire. and the prosecution was not able to. remember the reasons for three of the. six dismiss missiles and was therefore. unable to prove they were not racially.

motivated Williams won his appeal and a. new trial was. ordered this time Williams pleaded. guilty at the sentencing hearing Jack. spoke in court about what Williams did. to him that's where the picture is from. he is pointing at his kidnapper the. judge sentenced Williams to time served. and he was freed after that Jack got. himself a permit for a. pistol these are vindictive people he. remembered saying it his permit hearing. they're crazy not stupid but.

crazy Jack got off the phone apologizing. telling me he just needed to make sure. that someone would be there to pick him. up when he landed in Greece I asked a. version of a question I often have about. my own trauma which is that the trauma. ended up giving so much to me my. journalism career for one thing plus my. first novel and the TV show for another. but even better a deeper understanding. of how the traumatized World lives that. I sometimes wonder if I could go back in.

time and make it never happen if I even. would but he misinterpreted my question. he looked off and nodded and then. returned to me with this the recurring. theme is should I have taken off now you. have to understand it was raining it was. dark he went on behind my house was a. Big Woods a woodsy area and I was this. close to taking off and that is a. recurring theme I was surprised to hear. that he still thought about what he.

could have done differently that he had. regrets and dwelled on them it didn't. match with the idea I had about Jack the. mythology of him as having put it all. behind him I asked him if he visits that. moment in his mind very often he leaned. back and looked far away for a minute. I'll tell you what I do he said once in. a while I pick up the book and I keep it. right by my bed once in a while I'll. actually read a chapter of the book he. nodded and closed his eyes but he kept a. faint smile on his face then I'll get.

upset and I'll put it down he opened his. eyes and laughed at himself a. little I had noticed that just a few. feet away from the shelves of family. pictures there were four black file. cabinets two of the cabinets bore labels. like Auto Bank morgage Insurance Etc but. the other two cabinets weren't marked at. all and I asked what was in them. he opened them and showed me inside were.

the meticulously kept files of what. happened to him folders labeled Acme. 750k Ransom meeting Jack T 1997 Court. speech various 1974 pictures special. agent Fred Baron's memo letters to Joe T. after kidnapping there's even a folder. that says Taffy anner containing our. printed out email correspondence about. the lawyer I introduced him to. he has piles of news clippings and Court. transcripts he has photos and printed.

out Ransom call transcripts as well as. cassettes and CDs of the ransom calls I. asked if he had a mechanism with which. to play them and he said that he also. had the audio on his phone did I want to. hear them of course I did so we listened. together in the calls Janet sounds alert. and determined buddy is high-pitched and. terrified they are as painful as any. recording I've ever heard heard these. moments of true panic and purpose in.

which people who had already imagined. the worst were now responsible for. trying to produce the best possible. ending to a terrible. story I watched Jack's face as he. listened he was nodding watching me both. of us living inside this terrifying. moment I'm not sure what to call the. look I saw on his face right then. engagement would imply he isn't engaged. at other times alive he is nothing if. not alive. I'm going to use the word relaxed no.

matter how strange that might sound but. yes he was more relaxed than I'd ever. seen. him it was right then just as buddy. shrieked from Jack's cell phone and Jack. looked at me nodding with that small. smile and I looked down to find I was. holding two reams of reproduced. transcript printouts that I understood. all of it at once the ransom calls on. his phone available to listen to at any. minute the large photo of him pointing. out out his kidnapper taking pride of. place among his treasured family.

pictures the pristinely kept unmarked. filing cabinets filled with all the. details the endless search for the money. and the reward which he says is because. there are still people out there who. caused him harm and they've never been. apprehended even though every suspect in. the case is now. dead after his call he washed two apples. for me he was worried we had spent so. much time talking that I must be hungry. I took the apples but couldn't eat them. he keeps his Ransom calls on his. phone he has a panic button at every.

outside door there are lights everywhere. the place is never dark the house alarm. is Never Off the doors are never not. locked I never shut it off he said once. you start shutting it off you forget. it later at home I scoured my transcript. for what I'd. missed no I sleep with the shades wide. open I like to wake up to the light not. to a dark. room no I have a four-door car midsize.

with a non-descript license plate I. don't have my initials or anything. because you're a Target to get. followed I try not to leave in the. dark when I come home when I make a turn. I look through the rearview mirror to. see I mean it's Instinct. now about the immediate aftermath of his. homecoming I didn't Focus for a year I. mean minimum you know could have even. been longer but from what I remember I. didn't go to work for 2 3 weeks then.

when I started to go back to work I just. went and just sat there I mean I made. believe I was working I got up shaved. showered drove to the office or I was. driven depending and I just sat there. all day and then came home at the end of. the day I didn't accomplish. anything I went back and reread the book. and this time I didn't cry this time I. kicked myself amid yes all the grateful. and the storytelling that frames every. move as miraculous here it was staring.

me in the face the whole. time around Thanksgiving when our. children and grandkids gather at our. home a Pang of panic for their safety. Jangles my subconscious sending my heart. hammering he writes in one passage in. another I hear a metal chain clink or. Rattle and my mind zooms me back to the. closet he was not untraumatized by what. happened. nor was he pretending he wasn't or. trying to hide anything from me he.

hasn't moved on any more than I have it. was only willful blindness on my part. that insisted on the juvenile fantasy. that Jack was fine I couldn't believe I. missed it of course he wasn't fine how. could you be fine after something like. [Music]. that I met with Mark a few days later. and told him all this I told him I had. totally missed what happened to his. father and probably would it meant for. Mark's life too I told him I felt like.

an idiot and that I was sorry for the. ways I was blind to what he went. through Mark laughed a little had I not. been paying attention all these years. did I not remember that his father had a. heart attack shortly after the trial. ended at 38 years old did I not notice. that his father's house in Westchester. is four houses down from the local. police department I hadn't I looked at a. map Jack lives 1,183. fet from the police. station he went on did I realize that in.

one of the other cottages on the. property was an ostensible handyman who. also served as a driver and bodyguard. did he never tell me that his parents. slept in a queen-sized bed his whole. life him holding tight to her arms and. legs intertwined as if they knew the. Perils of laying down their vigilance. into. unconsciousness as if they knew that you. could just disappear at any single. moment his own daughter didn't know he'd. been. kidnapped of course though of course how.

did I miss that how had I been so. determined to think of Jack as healed as. unscathed maybe so that I could aspire. to it myself to hold it in the future as. something that might. happen now I thought about my new book. which revolves around the Fletcher. family the one whose father Carl is. kidnapped yes they're rich they lose. some of their money they try to get it. back but mostly they are stunted by the.

kidnapping and Carl's refusal to engage. with it the oldest son is obsessed with. safety amassing insurances and crash. test. ratings the middle son goes to hotel. rooms to act out kidnappings with sex. workers who think he's into SNM but. don't know that his fetishes are far. more Baroque than that and the daughter. born a few months after the kidnapping. works so hard to run from the family. trauma ethos that she comes to Define it. by the time I was done with it it was.

clear to at least the people who wrote. the marketing copy for it but somehow. not to me that it was a book about a. different kind of. inheritance the legacy of. trauma maybe I was never writing a book. about money maybe I had to think I was. writing about money in order to find. myself examining trauma again because. nothing had truly changed in all this. time except the swell of my shame that I. was still in this state not trauma but. post trauma its own discreet nightmare.

where self-awareness doesn't ever seem. to ameliorate its. symptoms maybe I always was headed right. here to this moment where I could. finally revisit my own trauma to make. snow angels in it the only place where. I'm truly. comfortable I wonder if you looked at my. face on the set of the TV show I helped. make as I watched the worst day of my. life play out over and over if behind. the tears I look the way way Jack did. when he was listening to his Ransom. calls upset sure but maybe a little.

relaxed. too as if for a moment I could stop. using all my energy to pretend that my. own life wasn't kidnapped from me that. day and maybe if you could have seen my. own expression while I was working on. this article not anguished but relaxed. like Jax when he was listening to those. tapes you would understand why it was. worth the crime I myself was committing. which was forcing a man I care about a. man who has already been through quite.

enough to revisit the worst week of his. life in the Twilight of his years so. that I could better understand what. happened to. me that's how the traumatized life goes. I guess you work your whole life to. overcome the terrible thing that. happened to you only to get to the end. of it and find that the overcoming it. was your life you find the other people. who share the unfixable tear in their. perception of themselves and their. circumstances of how safe they are in. the world of the precariousness of. knowing that it could happen again at.

any time and you feel a little. better and then at the end the vine you. rest beneath is that you get to stop. working so hard to pretend you might put. it behind. you I'm glad I learned that now because. I'm telling you the sheer amount of. energy it takes to pretend that I'm over. anything is killing. me night I left Jack with the apples and. he unlocked the door to let me out and. then locked it again after I left he.

texted. me wow that meeting today stirred up a. lot of memories he. wrote I hope I can. sleep a couple of years after the trial. ended Jack began Gathering the crew of. people who had been involved in the. kidnapping investigation once a year at. Peter Luger in Brooklyn near Acme over. time they started to get together more. often Margot denned the FBI agent who. lived with the family during Jack's. abduction became Janet's best friend she.

told me that Janet was her North Star. Jack and Joe Palin the retired police. officer who lived with them after the. kidnapping would sometimes go out. fishing with their. children Denny started coming to. Passover. saders in 2019 buddy died at. 91 Jack lost Janet to cancer in 2022 at. the age of 78 the whole group was at her. funeral my father and I were too and a. few months later denned hosted a.

Catholic mass in honor of. Janet recently the gang got together for. lunch at the Peter Luger in Great Neck. on Northern Boulevard 3.4 miles from the. house where Jack T was taken on a. November evening and his life as he knew. it was never. returned it was a rainy day and we were. joined by Palin the Nassau County. investigator dick Maguire and the. prosecutor Ed mccardy who is now a. retired judge. Maguire told me how he had come to. suspect that a corrupt police officer.

might have orchestrated the whole thing. mcari talked about how the children of. the kidnappers must still have the money. I asked what was different about this. case why they all still got together and. mcari answered by saying the courage of. the victim just to go through what he. went through and how he held together. and started his life right after the. kidnapping I mean they helped us right. away usually the victim is so. traumatized they can't even talk. I asked if they got together with other. victims they helped over the years they.

told me no that Jack was special and. unspoken in that was the fact that not. all the victims make it. home Jack's case while somewhat unsolved. had a happy ending look. around here it. was I turned off my tape recorder and we. finished lunch Jack ordered dessert and. soon they were all making jokes about. high cholesterol and tartar sauce. Palin asked mcari what he thought about. the Trump trial Maguire poked some fun.

at Jack for looking like Neil Diamond. Jack reported that recently while he was. visiting France someone told him he. looked like John Kain nobody knew who. John K was and eventually we realized. through a variety of Clues you know from. The Godfather that he meant James Khan. everyone. laughed I thought about the question I. asked Jack earlier about whether he. would change what happened to him if he. could he hadn't misinterpreted it he had.

known something I didn't which is that. it's a bad question that the thing not. happening to you is never one of the. options it happened it will never not. have. happened maybe actually there was. something I could learn from Jack that. after all your attempts at healing when. you finally realize that you are forever. changed you can allow yourself to. embrace your trauma. you survive what happened to you then. you survive your survival and then the.

gift you're given is that you fall in. love with your whole life inextricable. from the bad thing that happened to. you this is my world Jack. said there was no mistaking his. expression this time he was. happy before I end this I want to say. one more thing the second time I gave. birth I was at a different hospital at. Cedar Sinai and I had a mercifully good.

experience as I was writing this article. I used the bathroom at a restaurant and. the soap in the restroom there was the. same brand that Cedar's Sinai used I. don't know its name but I can identify. it by scent I've encountered it a few. times since I had my second son when I. smell the soap my system floods with the. neural surprise that I felt on that day. whatever it is that's the opposite of. trauma that not everything is a fat. comple that there are new experiences. out there for me to have that one day I.

could smell this smell enough time so. that it would replace that other smell. and the terrible things that happened to. me that terrible day would recede. eclipsed by the wonderful and regular. things that have happened to me since. then that that day would restore itself. to its size just another 24 hours like. all the other days some of them good and. some of them bad. [Music]. I wanted to tell you that I still have.

some hope that it could happen. [Music].