'Animal,' Episode 4: Ferrets

hey it's Michael today we have something. really special for you a blissful break. from the news it's a new series from nyt. audio called animal my colleague Sam. Anderson from the Times magazine. traveled the world to have encounters. with animals not to claim them or to. tame them but just to appreciate them. each episode is a journey to get closer. to a creature that Sam loves for the.

next 6 weeks we'll be running this. limited series every Sunday here on the. daily feed but if you want to hear all. the episodes right now you can search. for it wherever you get your podcasts. today episode 4 hope you like. it where are. we is this actually where yeah I think.

here this looks pretty sketchy turn. right into the parking lot then arrive. at your. destination what what do you see that. license plate the license plate says. feret what what what what are you. pointing at you oh my God that license. plate says I love my fets. ah it's happening my. people okay let's go check in I'm going. to be honest with you I'm a middle-aged. man my life is dull and soft I'm.

basically a human butter knife but. there's one thing that instantly fills. me with joy giddy squeaky childlike joy. we found my people they're loading up a. cart full of like feret products from. The New York Times I'm Sam Anderson this. is animal episode 4. [Applause]. ferrets transported up here today how.

many ferrets were in that van I saw oh. we're not done yet I've got it's August. and I've just arrived with my colleague. Crystal Dam in Columbus Ohio which at. this moment happens to be the most. farity place in America people come from. all around I came from Minnesota because. feret enthusiasts from all over the. country are pouring in for one of the. major stops on the national fet circuit. a competition called the feret Buckeye.

bash basically Imagine The Prestige of. the Westminster dog show but instead of. beagles and Pomeranians it's just. hundreds of ferrets I'm sorry this is a. rolling Tower of ferrets as we're. standing in the lobby of the official. competition Hotel a woman walks in. rolling a luggage cart stacked with. cages there four in here two in here. three in there there's Brown ferret.

albino fets ferrets lounging around in. miniature hammocks and snuggled up in. comfy little beds this is Phineas. weaselton he's really long did you say. Phineas weaselton yeah and before I know. it you should see what I've got in my. car I want to see what you guys are I'm. helping her and her feret friends. unload a fet for anyone who doesn't know. is basically a. weasel it's long and tubular sort of.

like a badger crossed with a snake but. also crossed with a teddy bear what am I. seeing in the cage that these faits are. eating we raw meat well this is Salon. chewies over here but some of the cages. we're unloading are littered with bones. and carcasses of like whole dead birds. why is the spirit bald they have adrenal. disease which is common especially and. Marshall this might be the place to. mention that ferrets can be pretty. polarizing pets people who love them.

like me really love them and people who. don't love them which is probably most. of humanity really do not love them wait. what happens if I put my fingers in that. bottom cage he will probably fight you. yeah to the Bone to the Bone what the. word fet comes from the Latin for little. thief they were domesticated basically. yesterday historically speaking around. 2500 years ago just for reference dogs. were domesticated more like 20,000 years.

ago INF ferrets were mainly used to hunt. rodents and rabbits they have sharp. claws and oily fur and glands that make. them smell weird and also extremely. strong Jaws which they are not at all. afraid to. use in fact this is part of why ferrets. are actually illegal to keep as pets in. a couple of. States but in spite of all that.

I have loved ferrets my whole. life as a kid growing up in Oregon I. desperately wanted one they were at all. the pet stores I went to and I'd go. running past the Geral and hamsters and. parakeets and just stand there with the. ferrets communing for as long as I could. letting them bite my fingers through the. cage but I was never allowed to take one. home and here's the thing unfulfill. childhood dreams they don't just die.

feel like I might go home this weekend. with some. ferrets they follow you around and. scratch at you and burrow a hole deep. into your heart see you guys around. yeah you guys checking in yeah which is. why I've come all the way here to the. official Hotel of the feret Buckeye bash. cool you guys thank you so where we. because this hotel is filling up fast.

with chaotic ferrets and feret people. all the way down here H one of whom has. agreed to help fulfill my childhood. Dream by initiating me into the Fret. lifestyle hello please come. in guy hi this is a this is Millie mild. hi look at this lady but the first fret. we meet is actually a large dog I'm. sorry yeah I just adopted her on Tuesday.

so we're still kind of getting to know. each other yeah hey I'm Sam hi I'm Aon. man just drove here from upstate New. York many hours in her tiny car with not. only Milly her newly adopted dog but. also her friend Karen and of course her. fets whose cages are now wedged around. the room there's one by the microwave. one by the coffee maker well should we. should we meet some buddies yeah you can.

um this is Aaron's first time competing. in the Buckeye bash yes this is Genesis. Genesis Genesis looks exactly like the. Fret of my childhood dreams but she's. gorgeous right yeah. um here actually you want to hold. her hey. sweetie. sweet she's so. slithery you know that classic thing.

they do in movies when they want to show. something is beautiful the shaft of. heavenly light pouring down Angel choir. singing well a majestic Heavenly light. is not worthy of. Genesis if you really wanted to signify. the spectacular otherworldly beauty of. Genesis you'd have to make a shaft of. little Genesis is pouring down from the. sky Genesis is really checking me out. really being stared at she's probably my.

favorite she don't tell any others. Genesis is also the key to Aaron's feret. future because Aaron wants to breed. ferrets so if I could have like just a. whole line of ferrets that have her. temperament and her structure I'd be. very happy with that. um she has such a sweet face oh no so is. she your big h hope for the competition.

Genesis. mhm um for him he's just going to show. because he's going to show this is when. we turn our attention to the other. competitor in the room so this is. Gooseberry um he is yeah Gooseberry the. yin to genesis's Yang in March yeah Mr. Goose this Barret is light brown and. weirdly small but he's still in juvenile. so and where Genesis is call calm and.

thoughtful and seems to be reciting. poetry in her mind Gooseberry is an. absolute freak trying he's trying his. darnest to get out he won't stop moving. thrashing around in circles biting the. bars of his cage what are you doing. crazy what are you doing with your claws. Gooseberry is of Hungarian descent and. at 6 months old he's technically an. adolescent hob or in human terms a. teenage male ow oh you got me.

good you are a. nut did he try to take a bite out of the. mic he grabb he grabbed the mic with his. paw. mine what kind of animal acts like this. a. [Music]. feret as Gooseberry works on destroying. his cage there's a knock on the. door this is just chaos everywhere.

sorry we'll be quick I know you got hi. no problem P still C your baby's. paperwork it's a feret. delivery I had no idea you could get a. feret delivered like a. pizza okay so this is the first time I'm. meeting this guy oh my. gosh hey buddy oh you have a pretty head. yes you do oh he is a beauty he is a. beauty right yeah yeah oh yeah oh gentle.

very. nice very sweet boy he's biting you. sweetly. yeah why are you into ferrets when did. you first encounter a feret. um okay so I grew up in California and. they're not legal there so I didn't. actually come into contact with a faret. until I was an adult and moved out of. California I didn't hold one until 2019.

and the first one I held was Mr Groot. Groot and I had to I had to have him as. soon as I held him I just kind of knew. that's what I wanted that's I don't know. how else to explain it I guess cuz some. people say that there's like a dog. shaped hole in their heart or a. cat-shaped hole so I guess it would be. like a feret shaped. hole and a ferret would get right into. that hole exactly absolutely I also have. a ferret shaped hole in my heart that's. kind of my childhood was kind of chaotic.

there was a divorce and a bunch of. stepparents and we always seem to be. moving including a big move from Oregon. to. California where ferrets are. illegal and so every summer when I'd go. back up to Oregon to live with my dad I. would see the ferrets in the pet stores. and I would beg him to get me one and he. would. say no. and in my little tiny child mind.

everything would have been fine if I. could have just had a pet. fret I think they're grounding for. me. grounding which is ironic because. they're very crazy right they're kind of. off the. wall but it's like you have you really. have to be there with them. in the moment yeah you have to be in the.

moment yeah they're very in the present. moment. um I do have a hard time being in the. moment. myself like I I'm usually thinking about. either the past or the future and I miss. the. moment um but not with them you have to. be in the moment with them they demand. it. um so is being silly isn't it he turned.

himself upside down and bit the bar just. like hanging upside down from. it a feret is a paradox it's so chaotic. that it wraps all the way around into. zen absolute chaos forces absolute. presence and so tomorrow when I am. immersed in hundreds of squiggly Wiggly. ferrets at this show I'm going to be so. freaking present I'm might be fully in. the moment for the first time in my.

whole life all right we should let. everyone get to bed thank you so much. for letting us hang in the hotel room. and who knows what could happen. then might have to figure out how to get. 8 fet sleeping hammocks onto the. airplane home and and a bunch of dead. birds for them to snack on.

amaz brings her. coffee your breakfast sandwich too oh. thank you Aaron how do you not have a. fet vanity license plate I know I I. really if I get a um SUV or a wagon I. want to call it the woozle wagon and. like have that on the back of it as a. decal and then like woole one as the. license plate maybe the next morning we. meet Aaron in a parking lot at the Ohio. State fairgrounds yeah oh I just noticed.

your. earrings those are great Aaron is all. decked out in feret gear earrings. t-shirt purple feret boots hey Genesis. today's your big day to the day where. you. win Genesis is looking glorious yeah she. looks even prettier this morning than. she did last you can see her in the full. light yeah really look how clean and. perfect she is gooseberry you is also.

there I can't even talk to you he loves. you look at him he's not even biting I. know he's very calm this morning he's in. uh game shape yeah oh no there he goes. oh yeah that's going to happen there he. goes all right let's get him checked in. we are a real parade of animals heading. toward the hall Aaron carries Gooseberry. I carry Genesis and aon's friend Karen. is walking Millie the doged how are you. good are we going in that way that way.

but it turns out we're actually too many. animals you know no animals are allowed. in here dogs are allowed in no dogs are. allowed in oh that's pretty obvious you. can't have a dog in The Spar show Hall. sorry what are you going to do with him. then the woman in charge of the feret. show Scarlet is saying that Millie has. to. go that will set all the fs off okay we. don't want them biting the J and as. we're standing there clutching our. animals go ahead you can go you go ahead.

the line behind us starts to back up do. you know how many fots in there don't. even know what a dog is and you know how. good their smelling is and I am finding. this extremely stressful so it it it. sets them off you need me to do it I'll. do it this is your gig this is what you. do so that's when Aaron's friend Karen. very stoically announces that she is. going to walk Millie back to the hotel. N9 miles a long halfway across Columbus.

Ohio with this dog she just. met and she takes the leash and just. heads off okay where are we where did. you say we were Jamie's like I'm over. somewhere so with the dog gone and. feeling slightly Shell Shocked we are. finally allowed to enter the Hall where. we meet up with some of Aaron's feret. friends this is Roy Hello nice to meet. you.

guys did you do you feel bad at all. about getting yelled at by Scarlet on. your way in the door no because I have. no idea what's going. on everybody will get yelled at by. Scarlet everybody yeah it's like a it's. just a thing just wait your turn so. she's famous for this yeah oh she's. really nice she's just very aggressive. interesting yeah you just kind of have. to take it and like keep going. that's kind of perfect cuz like fet.

owners are the people who could do that. the best right yeah they actually all. take it very well yeah y i just nod and. smile cuz like I really don't know what. the hell is going on so yeah you seem I. have to say you seem. comfortable existing like in a level of. sort of chaos I do yeah oh you seem. chill and stuff's going on all around. you don't quite know what's going on and. probably because I took my anxiety Med. today so that's good know um I take Lexa.

Pro so it's like yeah yes I had to get. mine increased recently actually um so. I'm I'm good now I'm good how many. milligrams are we talking a 20 milligram. okay I'm on 10 good good times yeah you. do seem very chill though like getting. yelled at about your dog you're fine it. is what it is she's yelling at us about. the line nobody's going ahead of us it's. fine I think that as I get older I just. care less so that that has something to.

do with it there is that about getting. older that I like I felt that in my 30s. for sure I just kind of okay now I'm in. my 40s and I'm like hardly even present. on this Earth I'm just like a floating. Consciousness unaffected by everything. around. me uh so okay what's the plan now I. don't know um I don't I think they start. judging at 10: so oh really. I think so probably oh a.

schedule okay there are so many freret. categories just blizzards of categories. and. subcategories but there's really only. one that matters to us the big one that. Genesis will compete in breeder breeder. that's her 3 to six 3 to. six it's going to be a long day I know. which means I have approximately 7 hours. to marinate in Fair fets and try out the.

whole feret lifestyle so we're just. walking around kind of getting the scene. and interviewing hey how's it going good. you hey how you doing and as I start. talking to freret owners was it like. about a fret that kind of there's. something that like appeal to you what. becomes clear is that feel like oh these. are kind of my people freret people are. their own special breed it's always good. to get together with a group of fet. people and everybody is so kind anyone. can own a cat or a dog has fets on her. shoes she's got so many ferret pins on.

her hat but feret owners take things to. a whole different level I've had feret. since 97 86 that was my first fet in. 1982 and then after that I got more of. course cuz there's fet math as you can. ask any of these guys you start out with. one you end up with many I came home. with 27 parrots when I was only going to. come home with three how. many 20 that's low for me they're really. cute they're fun to play he just came up.

to me and he was just loving and just. really cute I started playing with musky. for 10 minutes and I absolutely fell in. love the love fret people have for their. ferrets I love my little golden nuggets. it is a special love that can lead to. some pretty wild situations I set up a. baby pool like filling a pool with Cool. Whip and the next thing you know we at. the feret. go in this cool. whip of course some of them just lit but. after a while you seen them coming up.

through the Cool Whip and down through. the Cool Whip and it was it was. chaos it was absolute. [Music]. chaos so are you all judges um yeah. we're um board members past presidents. she's current Treasurer and I'm in. charge of at one end of the hall up on a.

stage sit two officiall looking women. Sally Heber and Vicky McKim and today. you're judging yeah we're judging. they've been working together in the fet. world since the. 1990s and their official duties have. taken them all over the place Japan. Australia Germany flights paid hotel's. paid we helped um the folks in Japan set. up their organiz organization Sally and. Vicky helped establish the American fet.

association's official judging criteria. we wrote the standard in a perspective. of what did nature mean it to be and it. gets pretty detailed so what we're. looking for is they're looking at every. little bit from snout to tail structure. of the ferret so we're actually feeling. all the bones and then we go into the. muscle mass this is very important. hundreds of ferrets will pass through. the expert hands of Sally and Vicky. today including Aaron's ferrets Genesis.

and. Gooseberry what's the rules on biting. DQ can do. disqualified if they puncture draw blood. they're out of here um for all three. judges regardless if the other judges. have seen them or not this is a long day. for you long long focused days an. exhausting the pool at the hotel closes. at 9: I want to be back there to get. back in a one is calling me.

yes all right well have. fun judges to the. stage we do this as a blind showing if. you've never been here before so. therefore the judges do not know who is. bringing their pars up to be. seen and then Genesis is up.

I have no idea yeah cuz they're running. behind so I don't even know anymore um I. am a little concerned because I have an. appointment to get to at 7:30 today so I. don't know what I'm going to do at what. time 7:30 yeah and goose in the middle. of all this got to go get a car Aaron. tells me that she has decided to buy a. car today I I acquired another feret. while I was here so uh um and then I was. thinking to myself s where is it going.

to go I hadn't thought that far to be. honest with you and that's a little. embarrassing uh but I figured it out and. you had not planned this when you left. New York no it was I mean it was in the. it was on the back of my mind my car is. almost old enough to vote and has a. giant rust hole in the side and I still. cannot bring myself to buy a new. one what kind of car are you getting. it's a hondai Santa Fe Sport.

2013 this has already been by far the. most F day of my life and yet as the. hours crawl by one. go it keeps getting exponentially more. faity we watch a tube race it's going. backwards and then an Elvis contest oh. they're weighing to see you as the. fattest fet look at too look at that big.

and then we peruse the infinite merch. tables you going to buy any merch you. see anything so many t-shirts to choose. from I'm definitely going to buy a shirt. I think I'm going to buy the introverted. but willing to discuss ferrets can't go. wrong there's a black shirt that says. feret hair don't care it's covered with. little white line so it looks like. actual feret hair that's a pretty good. one too there's another shirt that says. unless you're a feret please get away.

from. me that's the when you should get. revenge of the. feret by late afternoon all right listen. up we looking for breeder. CS really we're still things are so far. behind schedule that the schedule might. as well not have. existed and I've reached a point I. didn't think was. possible I feel like I'm going fret. blind like I can't see ferrets anymore. I've seen so many ferrets that's a lot a.

lot I've maybe had my fill of ferrets. but that doesn't stop Aaron from trying. to sell me one of her future feret. babies so you're ready now maybe maybe. maybe maybe next. season yeah I'm scared to get a fet. why maybe I'm not up to it all the. energy it takes and all the like. get like you know anxious and like.

overwhelmed and like depressed and then. what if and then this fet needs me and. then okay so I get anxious and. overwhelmed and depressed too and they. help remember we we take the same pills. yeah just different dosage um and the. way that you handle and you look at. Genesis I think you'd be a good parro. dad if you wanted yeah but now if you. get one you know you got to get three. three is the magic number I thought two. was kind of the magic number no because. two is harder because then they'll bond. together maybe and then if one of them.

dies the other one gets really sad and. it dies shortly thereafter so if you. have three it's just a better life huh. yeah I would say three a three is like. having one but. better looks like we're ready for the. breeder jills it's time is it time jills. finally it's time for Genesis to be. crowned the greatest fet ever to live on. planet Earth. we head to the stage where Sally and.

Vicky are working their way down the. line number uh. 613 hey Kitty and then they get to. Genesis here goes our. girl out she's a little. squirmy she got a giggle I don't know if. that's good or. bad easy easy easy don't get all excited. it's all fine and good okay.

there's like a moraca portion of the. judging and a rubber duck portion boy. don't give them. squeakies like she responded well to the. duck that's like Silk I know our fur is. gorgeous as we wait for the scores to be. tallied for the finalists to be called. up it's like Aaron is over there getting. all packed up I see Aaron leaving the.

hall yeah there she goes she's coming. back after she gets her new car is the. plan this means I am in charge now all. right we are ready for call backs for. Greer 501 503 506 507 55011. [Music].

501 503 506 507 I'm standing clenching. my sweaty fists as the announcer calls. back all the ferrets that have placed in. genesis's category 61 genesis's number. is 613 609 611 and. 612 but they never call it Genesis wins. nothing.

yeah I feel too blasted to talk to. [Music]. anybody and I actually feel crushed I. got all swept up in the rush of. competition and now my nervous system. feels like a dirty old rung out. sponge by this point we've been here. almost 12 hours things are running so. late that the guy who rented out the. hall is standing in the doorway looking. Furious with his keys in his.

hand the vendors and breeders are all. scrambling packing their merch and. breaking down. tables one of the winning fets gets her. foot stuck in the trophy she didn't like. that room and the whole thing is ending. in a crescendo of ferret chaos all right. we got to lose fet did somebody yes but. someone needs to identify it and.

somehow there is still one last category. left to judge it's called passport for. ferrets with foreign ancestry where's. which means Gooseberry our Hungarian. feret will be the last chance to win. anything Goose but Aaron is still gone. it's just me and goose and I really want. the two of us to get a win so I open his. carrier. I look at him and he looks at me bu then.

he pops right out and Nestles into my. hands like he belongs there like he's. been custom shaped to fit my. grip good he's pretty chill he's. interested in my. beard he's definitely going to shoot out. of my hands in a second here ow okay bit. my. arm Vicky beckons us up to her table. table she twists and turns Gooseberry in.

her hands she looks in his mouth and his. ears and he doesn't bite her or claw her. for once he's actually a good boy and. then very matter of factly she hands him. back to me like he's my fet he's an. attic we've always meant to do something. that it's pretty big and what if he was. be a really good place for a fet for two. or three fets. they could really run around.

and have their own space they wouldn't. smell up the rest of the. house in eighth place it's. 905 Vicky starts calling out the winners. countdown style. 405 sixth place is 9004 fifth place is. 101 it's happening fourth place is 901. holy crap that's. third place is.

909 that's you little fig can I see 108. and. 109 Sam has to show Gooseberry again to. break a. tie to Second Place goes to. 109 and first. place there you go second place in the. final competition of the Buckeye Bash. Gooseberry the world's most fery feret.

has won second place okay okay okay okay. bud I got to I got to get the. picture I pick up my triumphant green. ribbon would you get second awesome and. Gooseberry and I get our official. Buckeye bash photo congratulations. guys all right thank you cool. congratulations thank you.

we did it buddy I told you we'd do it I. told you coming into today you were a. star and a. champion is Aaron coming. back just then Aaron text us a photo of. her new car a brown Hyundai with a giant. yellow bow on it it's big enough to fit. her dog her friend Karen and all of her. fets at least for now this guy got. second place. and we text her back a photo of me with.

my ribbon holding Goose looking almost. terrifyingly Happy have a great evening. hi you she says she'll be wrapped up. with paperwork for a while and asks if I. will take the ferrets back to the. hotel hey which of course I'd love. nothing more second place yeah we did. holy crap look at you my god when we. meet Aaron I tell her everything so. that's all your ribbons I have my. ribbons yeah I was going to say you.

going to you going to give that one up. and then I reluctantly surrender my. ribbon which I was hoping she would let. me keep thank you thank you for um for. doing that for me for being there um. pleasure what is that he's tired and. hungry we all say goodbye right good. night and when I. leave my fets stay behind. [Music].

this episode was produced by Crystal. duim and Lissa Anderson with help from. Caitlyn Roberts it was reported by me. Sam Anderson and edited by Wendy D and. Lissa Anderson it was engineered by.

Maran Lozano our executive producer is. Paula Schuman original music by Marian. Lozano Dan Powell and Alicia baup. factchecking by Caitlyn love special. thanks to Jake Silverstein Sasha Weiss. and Sam dlck also to all the feret. people who showed me their ways Scarlet. Grace saing Sally Heber Vicky McKim and. all the many others I met at at The Bash. and at the hotel bar who told me that.

ferrets don't actually smell all that. bad and I should just get. one Aaron man now runs sugar and spice. feret Tre and I am happy to report that. last summer Genesis gave birth to a. litter of 10 gorgeous kits the father. was. Gooseberry you can listen to all of our. episodes wherever you get podcasts or. visit our website at NY times.com /an.

animal I'm Sam. Anderson thanks for listening. [Music].