Stanford Luck Researcher: How to Manifest the Life You Want

Have you ever looked at someone else's. life and thought, "How did they get so. lucky?" If you could turn your luck. around, wouldn't you? Today's guest. [music] is Dr. Tina Seelig. Her work is. all about the science of luck. You can. learn how to become a luckier person. >> [music]. >> Dr. Seelig earned her PhD in. neuroscience at Stanford Medical School. She's also the author of 18 books. >> Luck is success or failure apparently.

caused by chance. >> Success or failure apparently? What What. is the apparently in there for? >> the point. I mean, this is really. important. It looks on the surface as if. it's chance, but really underneath, there are [music] things that you have. done to tempt good luck your way. There's something very, very important. to keep in mind. Fortune is the things. [music] that happen to you. Luck is what. you control. >> You know, if somebody feels really. unlucky right now, what's the first. thing [music] they should do this week?

>> I would say, if you were going to pick. one [music] thing, >> Hey, it's Mel. And before we get into. this episode, my team was showing me. 57%. of you. who watch the Mel Robbins podcast here. on YouTube are not subscribed yet. Could. you do me a quick favor? Just hit. subscribe so that you don't miss any of. the episodes that we post here on. YouTube. It lets me know you're enjoying. the guests and the content that we're. bringing you because I want to make sure. you don't miss a thing. And I'm so glad.

you're here for this episode cuz this is. a really good one. All right, let's dive. in. Dr. Tina Seelig, welcome to the Mel. Robbins podcast. >> not be more delighted. Thank you so much. for having me. >> I am thrilled about the topic that we're. going to talk about. I love your. research and thank you for taking time. out of your schedule to come and share. all of this research around luck and how. we can use it to improve our lives. And. I think that's where I want to start. So, could you talk to me and the person.

that's here with us right now and just. tell us. what might change about our lives if we. really apply everything you're about to. teach us today? >> I couldn't be more delighted to share. this information because when people. understand that they have more agency in. their lives, they realize that they have. levers they can use every single day to. make themselves luckier. >> When you talk about luck, Dr. Seelig,

what are you talking about? What does. that mean? >> Uh first of all, please call me Tina. Uh the definition of luck is success or. failure apparently caused by chance. >> Success or failure apparently? >> Apparently, exactly. >> Wait, wait, what is the apparently in. there for? >> And that's the point. I mean, this is. really important. The word apparently, it looks on the surface as if it's. chance, but really underneath, there are. things that you have done to tempt good.

luck your way. >> Oh, okay. So, I want to make sure that I. am tracking and I want to make sure that. as the person who's with us is. listening, we got that cuz I think that. there is a little treasure buried. beneath that, which is. often times the things that we attribute. to luck, are you saying that once we understand. everything you're about to teach us, that those things we once just. attributed to luck, bad luck or good.

luck, we could trace back and say, "Actually, there was something that I. set in motion that I'm not giving myself. credit for that made this chance thing. happen.". >> Exactly. And in fact, we often use the. word luck to humbly say, "Oh, I didn't. have anything to do with this." But if. you actually unpack it, you'll see what. actually happened to bring that good. luck your way. Or people don't. understand the things they did to make. themselves luckier. And so what I've.

been doing is unpacking all the things. that are in that apparently to show the. things that people actually are doing to. make themselves luckier. >> Okay, so you have done all this. research, you've written this massive. best-selling book, What I Wish I Knew. About Luck, and you also have concluded. that there is a science to becoming a. luckier person. What's the number one. thing that drives the lucky breaks that. people get? >> Well, first of all, you have to realize.

that there is a physics to luck. Ooh. All of the world is cause and effect, right? >> Yes. >> Fortune is the things that happen to. you. Luck is what you control. And it's. very, very important to distinguish. between those two things because people. conflate the concept of fortune and. luck, and they make a mistake in. thinking that everything is just. happening to them. Well, of course, there are some things that are out of. your control. How tall you are, where you're born, who.

your parents are. Those are things that. are out of your control. That's, you. know, you're fortunate or you're unfortunate. >> Right. >> And the world is spinning and things are. happening. There might be an earthquake. There might be a war. >> There might be systematic racism. There. might be poverty. There might be all. kinds of things. >> Exactly. A pandemic. >> Yes. >> But you have more control over how you. respond to it. >> Okay, so I want to make sure I. understand this because. I would have thought it was the. opposite. Because when I hear the word.

lucky, I think things that happen by. chance. Things that happen out of the. blue. Things that happen to certain. people that don't happen to me. But when you say there's a big. difference between fortune, which to me. sounds like the things that you said you. don't have control over, but there's a. huge group of things that are either. positive things of fortune or things. that feel unfortunate that are not your. fault, you can't change it,

but you want us to focus on creating. more luck and making things go our way, which is in our control. Absolutely. That's a completely different version of. luck than I thought. Well, it's. >> it's really important. It's critically. important to distinguish between the. things that happen to you and how you. respond. I mean, there's this fabulous, you know, very famous quote by Victor. Frankl about the fact that, you know, the world is happening to you and you. have this this time between stimulus and.

response, where you get to decide how to. respond. And that's where luck comes in. It comes in by taking the time to think. about how you actually engage with the. world. We are in a constant dance with. the world, where we are either leading or we're. following. And there are times in which. the world is leading, right? The. pandemic happened and our worlds all. turned upside down, but then you get to. decide what you're going to do with it. >> I I I've never thought about luck this. way. I I have always thought about luck as.

just something that kind of happens to. you or, you know, if you're unlucky, that happens to you, too. And so, really. thinking about the fact that yes, there. are lots of things that happen that are. unfair. And yes, there are very real problems. And that is. true and unfortunate. And we can take the science of creating. your own luck, if you will, and use it to respond in a different. way. >> Exactly. And I am so excited to share.

the things that people can do to unlock. luck in their lives. >> All right, I want to read to you from. your best-selling book, What I Wish I. Knew About Luck. This is on page six. Luck requires taking a chance. A. calculated risk. It begins the moment. you decide to act in the face of. uncertainty. Whether it's throwing your. hat into the ring for a competitive. opportunity, moving to a distant city. without a clear plan, or simply.

introducing yourself to someone new, each action is a leap of faith beyond. the familiar. These moments may seem. small, but they're pivotal. creating openings to capture lucky. opportunities. What does that mean? >> Every decision you make opens the door. to something brand new. We are always. one decision away from a completely. different life. I think about this all the time. You.

know, some of the closest friends I have. made in my life are people who were. standing next to me in line, who I started a conversation with, and. we found that we had something in. common, and then we started working. together, and then we became best. friends. If I had not started that. conversation, that entire world would not have. existed. >> Okay, let's stop right here, cuz I love. this kind of thing. Okay? >> Okay. >> So, I was standing in a bar in night It. was in a bar. I was standing at a United.

Way benefit in 1994. I was a brand new. Legal Aid attorney in New York City. And I walked up to the bar, and I ordered a bourbon on the rocks to. go. I wanted it on a plastic cup, cuz I. was going to bounce from the party. And. behind me I heard somebody say, "That. sounds great. Make it two.". I turn around, and it was Christopher. Robbins, who I will be celebrating my. 30th wedding anniversary with this year.

Let's unpack that moment in the. framework of luck. versus fortune. Do you Do you see what I. mean? Okay. >> Well, I think it's a great example. Because A, he you know, he saw you, he. was intrigued, he said, "I'll take the. same." And you started conversation. It. could have been the end. Think of the number of conversations. that went nowhere. Thank you very much. I'll see you later. I'm going home. >> Think about the moments where you see.

somebody who's interesting, but you. don't walk across the room. >> Exactly. And I've so many examples. Let. me tell you one that is Well, in fact, this book is the result of a. conversation I had with someone sitting. on an airplane next to me. >> Really? >> I was flying across the country, early early morning flight, could have. just shut my eyes and gone to sleep. The man sitting next to me. was a publisher. And. I started to chat with him. We talked. for a good long time. And at some point,

I pulled out a book proposal. I took a little risk. And I said, "Guess. what? I've got a book proposal right. here on my computer." And he was kind. enough to look at it. And you know, he. said, "This is very nice, Tina, but not. really for us." So, I said, "Okay, no. problem. But guess what?". At the end of the flight, we exchanged. contact information. And he sent me a. text as I was walking off the plane. I stayed in touch. I was teaching a. class, my creativity class at Stanford. And I thought, "You know, gee, I'm doing.

a project this quarter. What should it. be on? Maybe I'll do it on the future of. publishing." So, I called him up again. And I said, "Hey, guess what? I'm doing. a project on the future of publishing. Would you come to class?" He said, "Sure." So, he came, he met my students. We had a great great opportunity for. everyone. I followed up again with uh. some videos of some projects my students. had worked on. Some were as part of a. global innovation tournament. They were. pretty cool. He said, "Wow, there is a. book in here.

for the students.". And he wanted to meet the students who. had worked on this project. I said, "Okay, that sounds pretty cool." Uh and. I set up a lunch. At the end of the lunch, which he had. brought one of his editors to, his. editor turned to me and said, "Hey, would you ever consider writing a book?". And I gave him the exact same proposal I. had given his boss. I don't know, it was either one two. years earlier, but I kept that. relationship going. And that was the point there were all. these little choices I made.

that ended up leading to the publication. of what I wish I knew when I was 20, starting with the conversation with the. man sitting next to me on the plane. >> So, do you want us to think about luck. really more as something you create. through the actions you take? >> Exactly. >> Versus something that just happens to. some people versus others. >> Exactly. But, here is the important. thing now. >> Okay. Luck is ubiquitous.

>> What does that mean? >> Opportunities are ubiquitous. Opportunities are like the wind. But, you need a sail to catch it. And what I am passionate about is. teaching people how to catch the winds. of luck. >> So, I would love to have you, Dr. Seelig, just speak to the reality for. some people. that. opportunities don't feel ubiquitous and. they historically haven't been.

ubiquitous. If, let's say, you're being. discriminated against or you are in a. situation where something through no. fault of your own, you're being sexually. harassed at work or you've got There's. very serious problems that people are. facing, right? And so, they might hear. this research, which I think could be. very helpful. in how you respond to things that are. very real. How do you want somebody to.

think about the opportunities that are. out there, even if you've had a lifetime. of feeling like the door is always. closed in your face because of the color. of your skin, or because you're a woman. and you haven't been paid what you're. You know what I mean? Like I cuz I don't. >> Of course. Of course. And honestly, life. is not fair. I mean, people are born. into very terrible circumstances. There. are people who have who have medical. problems. There are people who have. dysfunctional families. But we have choices we make. I've been.

doing work for the last, I don't know, 10 years working with a group at San. Quentin State Prison called The Last. Mile. It's an amazing program where they. teach innovation and entrepreneurship. and coding to men and women who are. incarcerated. Now, these are folks who. have had very, very difficult lives, often starting with very unfortunate. circumstances. And the people who were in this program. are given a chance to learn these skills. and to develop the mindset needed to be.

successful when they are released from. prison. >> Mhm. >> And it's remarkable to see how people. can change. People can change their. attitude and their actions to unlock. possibilities that they didn't see. before. >> I think that's so important to. understand, and I can tell based on the. passion and the just intensity of what. you're like, "No, this is real." And it.

doesn't mean that there won't be. challenges that you face in life. Those. are very real, but you have a choice in. whether you just throw in the towel and. say, "This is just how things are." Or. you lean in and say, "Okay, how I. respond to this and how I think about. creating my own luck." And as you said, that there's opportunities everywhere, but you've got to open the sail to catch. them. Can you unpack that analogy of. catching the winds of luck?

>> Great. Can I show you a graphic? >> Please. >> Okay. >> So, I want to describe this for the. person who is listening so you don't. miss a thing. Um Dr. Selig is holding up a painting. and there's a hot air balloon, there is. a sailboat, there is a windmill, and. there is a church sitting on the shore. and the sailboat sailing on the ocean. and the hot air balloon's over the. ocean, but on the shore is the windmill. and the church. >> Yeah, and to me it actually looks like a. house with a It's a house with a wind.

vane on the top. >> Oh, is that what that is? >> That is a wind vane on the top of the. house. Yeah, yeah, but it could look. like that at a distance. The idea is that the winds of luck are. ubiquitous. They are always blowing. And. there are different ways in which we. engage with them. Some people stay. inside the house. And they shut the. shutters and they don't even pay. attention. They don't even see them. They might open the shutters and see. them, but they you know, they might not. even do anything. Okay, I'm just going. to turn the other way. Now, there are.

some people. who are like a wind vane. They're at the. top of the house. They're noticing the. opportunities. They're swiveling on. their axis, but they're not doing. anything with it. They're just looking. Oh, there's an opportunity there and. there and there. They're not doing. anything. >> Oh my gosh, this is if you're the kind. of person that has been thinking forever. >> Yes. >> without applying for that job or using. social media to market yourself or. you're the kind of person that has been. thinking about going back to school or. thinking about getting an online dating. profile, you are the weather vane.

spinning around in the wind doing. nothing. >> Exactly. >> Going nowhere. >> Exactly. Or you could be a hot air balloon. Now, hot air balloon, you know, you're the. winds of luck are taking you where they. may. You don't really have much control, but you know what, there are times in. our life when it's reasonable to be a. hot air balloon, to be a leaf in the. wind, and say, "You know, I'm just going. to see where my interests take me.". Yeah. So, that's a reasonable thing to. do. But, then, once you start. [clears throat] seeing an opportunity. where you go, "Wow, there's something.

here there." You can become a windmill. And a windmill is where you are really. capturing the winds of luck in that. local area, and you are harnessing all. the luck you can. >> that. >> Okay, you get a job somewhere. >> Yes. >> go, "Okay, I am going to be the best I. can in this job.". >> Got it. >> I am going to I am going to see what I. can make of this, and I In fact, one of. the things I tell my students is you. don't get a job, you get the keys to the. building. You go, "Okay, I'm going to. see what this where this takes me.". >> Oh, I love that. Hold on a second. I.

want to make sure that you really got. what Dr. Selig just told you, cuz this. is something that I am sending this to. all three of our adult children right. now. You do not get a job, you get the. keys to the building. >> You bet. >> And you create your own luck in that. job, even if you hate the job, by showing up to that job every day, and doing the things you're about to. tell us to do, and bringing a certain. type of energy, and a certain level of. of excellence, and a certain attitude in.

order to capture the opportunity that is. swirling around that office that you're. dragging yourself into. >> Exactly. >> So, you can choose the bad attitude, or. you can choose to have a different. attitude. But, what you're here to say. is. trust my research. There is opportunity. everywhere for the taking if you wake up. and recognize it. >> Right. And you can take it further, though. >> Okay. >> You can become a sailboat.

>> And how do I do that? >> The sailboat. is looking for the luck. It's out there. searching for the winds of luck. Right? You can be capturing the luck like a. windmill where they are locally, or you. can be a sailboat where you're out there. with a goal, a specific goal in mind, and you're saying, "How do I get to. those winds to get me to that. destination?". >> Got it. >> So, let me put this down cuz it's kind. of big. And I want to talk you about how. to become a sailboat.

>> Okay. >> I want to talk to you about that. Because if you want to be a sailboat to. capture the winds of luck, there are. three things you need to do. First, you. need to build that sailboat. The next is. you need to recruit your crew. And third, you need to hoist the sail. >> Okay. >> And this is very important to separate. these three things. >> Okay. >> You build your sailboat, that's all the. internal work. You know, it's funny. There's a Whenever I tell people I'm. writing a book about luck or I'm doing. work on luck, they go, "Oh, yes, yes, fortune favors the prepared mind." Well,

I love that quote. You know, Louis. Pasteur, great quote about fortune. favoring the prepared mind. But what is. the prepared mind? >> know. >> That sailboat is your prepared mind. >> Okay. >> That is all the internal work that you. need to do to be ready to ultimately. catch the winds of luck. >> Okay, so let's stop right with building. the sailboat, okay? Because I know as. you're listening and watching right now, you're like, "All right, I'm with you, Dr. Selig, but. how do I build a sailboat? What does. that actually mean? How am I doing the.

internal work to turn this brain of mine. that's told me my entire life, 'Oh, things like that don't happen to a. person like me. Oh, I'll never get out. of this debt. I'm not going to be this. way. I'm not smart. I'm not good cuz I'm. I can tell you right now that doesn't. sound like you're building a sailboat.'". So, what are the specific things that we. need to do or know or change in order to. take advantage of step one, which is you. got to build that sailboat in yourself? >> Exactly. And it's very, very important. >> Okay. >> One is you need to know what your core. values are.

>> Okay. >> If you do not have those core values, which are like the keel under your boat. that keeps you steady, you're going to. be manipulated by people who ask you to. do things that are not ethical, they're. not legal. I mean, this is how people. get caught when they don't have their. core values. And in fact, I can tell you. a story about what happened to me when I. was young and I I didn't know how to do. this. I had taken my first job right out. of graduate school and it was a company, it was a med tech company and I was so.

eager. I was just wanting to do. everything right and the president of. the company asked me to go at to a. conference. And it was a conference actually being. hosted by a competing company and he. asked me to go. not as a member of the team of this. company. but as Dr. Seelig from Stanford. And he was my boss. I. Why should I question him? I had never. thought about whether this would be. ethical or not. So, I said, "Sure, of.

course I'll go." So, I got in a plane, I. went to Chicago, I registered Dr. Seelig. from Stanford, went to the conference and as the. conference started, it was relatively. small conference. At the end of every. session, I raised my hand and asked all. sorts of probing questions because I. knew a lot about this technology because. I was working at a competing company. >> Yeah. >> And they started getting suspicious. And they called up my company. and they said, "Is Tina Seelig there?".

And of course. the receptionist said, "Yeah, no, no, no, she's not here. She's at a. conference in Chicago.". And so, I was getting into the elevator. to go up to my room. and two people followed me in. The door shut. and one of them turned and hit the stop. button. >> Are you What did you think was. happening? >> I had no idea. I turned around and they. looked at me, they backed me in the. corner and they said, "Are you a spy?".

I mean, I burst into tears, honestly. I. was like, "Oh my gosh." But they, you. know, they they said, "We called your. company." They were very funny. They. said, "We understand you're the VP of. marketing the company," which was sort. of a joke since I was like an intern. But uh they escorted me out uh very. quickly. And I sat on the. sidewalk thinking, "What happened?" And. I realized it was because I hadn't even. taken a minute. to think about my values. And to think about and I was.

>> very unlucky, wasn't I? >> Because I should have said to my boss, "Of course I can't do that. I can't. misrepresent myself.". And so. one of the first things you need to do. is really think about what your core. values. >> How do you figure that? Is there like a. simple way to really. think about what your core values are? Because I can think about moments in my. life, for example, um a period of my life where when we. were struggling financially as a young. married couple with kids, my core value. was safety.

and security. And so I said yes to lots. of stuff I wouldn't do right now because. I wanted to pay the bills. And it was. aligned with my values then. My values now have shifted because I. still value security and safety, but. it's not on fire right now. And so I I I. have different values, but I think it's. one of those things where. it's it's it's not something that people. stop and think about. So how would you. recommend if the person listening right.

now, because I think we all we all want. to be luckier, and we certainly want to. open up the wins and like capture as. much opportunity as we can, but how do you figure out what you. actually value? >> So there are a lot of ways to do it. >> Okay. >> And a lot has to do with taking the time. to actually think about it in advance. >> Okay. >> Think about what your values are. Are. you going to misrepresent yourself? Um. there's a slippery slope. You know, once. you make one decision to do something. that's not ethical, it's much easier to. do make the second decision. Right? Once.

you've done the first one, that that door is open. And you have to. think about who you want to be in the. world. You also can put together a. personal board of advisers. This is a. really helpful tool. Who are you going. to go to when you're asked to do. something where you have a kind of a. spider sense, where you go, "You know. what? This doesn't smell right.". >> Mhm. >> Who do I go to to get some feedback? And. it's also really helpful to have the. ability to walk away.

To have Now, it's [clears throat] really. difficult when you're in a situation. where you're feeling financially really. vulnerable and you go like, "I don't. know what to do." But often times, uh. there's a case we used to use with our. students many years ago about um. somebody who had taken on a lot of. financial debt, you know, bought an. expensive house, moved to a new city, did all sorts of things that were. expensive. And then, when the company he. was working for started doing things. that were illegal, he couldn't leave cuz. he couldn't afford to give up the job.

So, think about not putting yourself in. a position where you're so tied. to an organization or to some situation. where you can't walk away if you're. asked to do something that you find is. unethical. >> Well, I can give another example and. let's see if this one checks out, Dr. Selig, with the with the research you've. done. I was talking to a friend over the. weekend who's in a relationship. relationship and this person knows that. they don't want to be engaged to the.

person that. asked them to be married. And she was going on and on and on about. it because it's a very difficult. decision. And she said, "Well, the. problem is, you know, I just really am a. peacekeeper.". And I said, "Hold on a second. That's what you were. in your first marriage, which is why you were miserable. You kept the peace. and you never told the truth. You. in this chapter have made it very clear.

that what you value more than anything. is being a truth-teller. And I would imagine that if you don't. understand what your core value is in. terms of why you want to be even in like. a romantic relationship, I want to be. with somebody where I can be fully. myself. versus constantly suppressing what I. feel and what I need in order to make. somebody else happy, you will never ever ever build this. internal sailboat and the winds of. chance are going to steer you to all.

kinds of relationships because you don't. realize you actually value that rather. than just companionship. Does that make. sense? >> Exactly, exactly. And that's just one. piece of the puzzle, is your core. values. You need to know, which is sort. of tied into what you just said, um the. story you tell about who you are in the. world. Right? We each have a story of. who we are and that story is always. shifting depending upon uh who we're. with. and how we feel about ourselves and the. ability to own that story. >> This message is brought to you by Apple.

Card. Spring always feels like a reset. Clearing things out, simplifying what. you don't need. Apple Card is built with. that same idea in mind. No annual fee, no late fees, and no foreign transaction. fees. No fees, period. Get started and. apply in the Wallet app on your iPhone. today. Subject to credit approval. Variable APRs for Apple Card range from. 17.49%.

to 27.74%. based on creditworthiness. Rates as of. January 1st, 2026. Existing customers. can view their variable APR in the. Wallet app or at card.apple.com. Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank. USA, Salt Lake City branch. Terms and. more at applecard.com. >> If your story is really awful, I'm not smart, I'm not good enough, nothing ever works out for me. How do. you start building this sailboat?

>> Great. So, you need to understand. that you can do little experiments every. day. >> Okay. >> You need to be willing to take some. risks, to get out of your comfort zone, and to try something different. >> Okay. >> Now, let me ask you now. Yes. And please. call me Tina. >> Okay, yes. Sorry, I keep calling you Dr. [laughter] Sealey. Sorry. >> It's okay. Are you a risk taker? >> Absolutely. >> Okay. Most people answer yes or no. But risk.

is much more nuanced. They're all. different types of risks. >> said depends. >> I know, but get But you said yes. >> See, you're so smart. >> Okay, depends. >> yes, I take a risk. But no, that's not I. always take a calculated risk. Exactly, but think about the different types of. risks. >> in a hot air balloon just going, throwing caution to the wind. >> Exactly, but think about the different. types of risks. Let me show you. something. >> Okay. >> This is the riskometer that we use in. our classes, where students map.

their risk profile. >> Okay, now I want to just explain for the. person who's listening right now, because this we're going to walk you. through this, and as Tina walks us. through each of the six different types. of risk that you're going to be faced. with in life, I want you to think whether you have a. high or low tolerance, because you're. ranking it zero to 10. And all she has. is a circle, and there are six different. points on it, and she's going to walk us. through it right now. And as Tina walks. through each of the six types of risks,

I want you to be answering this for. yourself, because I think this is a. really interesting way to get into. values. >> Exactly, exactly. And to to out what. type of risks you're comfortable taking, and where you want to stretch. >> Okay, great. So, let's go through each. one. >> Right. So, this is called a spider. chart. It looks like a spider web. >> Yes, it does. >> Where the center is zero and the outside. is 10. >> Okay. >> So, you map you map yourself on it. So, let's try this. >> this together. >> Okay. So, I think you and I are actually. pretty similar. So,

yes. So, physical risk, you are Where. would you be on a scale of 1 to 10? >> Oh, gosh. I'm probably. like a six. >> Oh, really? Okay. Great. >> And and I want you to. and I want you to be thinking as you're. listening or watching, okay, where am I? Zero to 10 on physical Are you a big. risk-taker? Like my husband and my son. >> [snorts]. >> You know, I'm just like, can we please. bring it down from like a nine to a. five, please? >> Exactly. Exactly. My son was a very. competitive cyclist and every time he.

would go out on his bike, I would just. hold my breath till he got home. >> a cyclist. You know, I'm like, can you. not listen to music as you're like. cycling down the road at 40 miles an. hour? At least yours has a helmet. >> Okay. So, let's talk about. emotional risk. >> Okay. >> Telling someone how you feel. >> Oh, I'm a 10. I'll take any cuz it. doesn't feel risky to me to to share how. I'm feeling. >> Great. >> How about you? >> I I'm very high. I mean, I'm happy to. tell you that I love you. >> Oh, I love you, too. And I love you as. you're listening and watching. For. somebody though that is like lower on.

the emotional risk, what what what might. that feel like in your life that you. would be scared of? >> It feels vulnerable to tell someone how. you feel. You know, that maybe you feel. anxious or maybe you feel scared or. maybe you feel. you know, maybe you really like someone. and you're afraid to tell them. >> Got it. >> Right? And so, someone who is more has a. high risk profile there, it's like, I'm. going to tell you. >> Yeah. >> Um um I always feel that you tell people. things and you get data, right? You get. some data back. Um social risk. Now,

talk to me about. >> social risk. What falls in the category. of social risk? >> Being willing to get up and give a toast. at a wedding, giving a talk. >> Talking in a meeting at work. >> Exactly. Being out being out in front of. the world. Being you know, being out. there and it's not emotional but you're. you're. you're going to get out there and you're. talking in public. >> I'll tell you. So, the sort of things where I am giving a. toast or I'm talking in a meeting or. certainly because I've developed the.

skill of giving speeches in arenas, I. have zero. fear about it. So, I would put myself at. a 10. However, however, when I when this show was. nominated for a Golden Globe, I had. never walked a red carpet. I am not at all comfortable putting. myself out there in terms of a beautiful. dress and look at me and I would say I. was about a two. >> So, isn't that interesting? I think this.

is fascinating, Mel. >> Okay. >> Because you had never done it before. >> No. >> But if you had done it two, three, four. times, it would have been natural. >> Yes. >> have been easy. You're happy to make. social risk cuz you've been doing it so. much. And this is super important, right? If you start out saying, "Oh my. gosh, this is uncomfortable for me." You. can stretch. You started as a two but. the next time you do it, you'll be a. four and then you'll be a six. >> And I'll tell you what, I'm not buying a. dress. I'm going to borrow it next time. It [laughter] turns out a lot of people.

borrow from designers but I was the. idiot who bought it. Yes. >> Okay, for the next time you'll be a nine. next time. [laughter]. So, okay, let's talk about financial. risk. >> Okay. So, this is one where I would be a. zero. I don't want to take any risk. financially because earlier in my life, the first 40 years, I was I took all. kinds of risks. I was stupid with my. money. Racking up the credit cards, maxing out the home equity line, living. in some sort of fantasy, like somehow. I'm just going to get lucky and even. though I'm making all these dumb ass. decisions, this is going to somehow to.

all like I. So, now now that I've experienced the. pain of driving myself. Now, you know. what's interesting about this, too? I can look backwards and see how my. decisions. created. a situation where I was very unlucky. >> Yes. >> But it's because your behavior was your. >> Yes. choices you made. >> Yes, there were like not everything. there are some things that swing that. are not that are unfortunate. But my. decisions certainly put me.

within striking distance of having a. major catastrophe, and that's what. happened. >> Exactly. So, I I have to say I have to. assume you take some financial risk. because your business, you have to be. your. >> We're we're like we are I'm I I I don't. want to I don't ever want to be in a. situation. where I have scaled a business too. quickly that I then have to lay people. off. Like there are people people that. and their families that depend on the.

decisions that my business partner and I. make, and so I think we're both very. very like risk-averse. when we think about the implications of. what we say yes and no to. >> Right. Okay, fabulous. Well, this is. Now, it's interesting because you might. think that some people like venture. capitalists have a really high financial. risk profile. But they're always trying to squeeze all. the risk out. Right? Just like the. person who's jumping out of the. airplane, they're going to make sure the. parachute is is packed properly.

>> Yes. >> So, you know, it's really it's it's very. interesting. that the more prepared you are, it doesn't feel like a big risk, right? You have this company with 50 people who. depend on you. You feel like it's a low. financial risk. Someone on the outside. will go, "Wow, that's risky." But you've. squeezed all the risk out. >> Yes. >> by testing and doing lots and lots of. experiments. >> Yes. >> and scaling really slowly so that it. doesn't feel like it's a financial risk. >> Great. And the next one's intellectual. Intellectual like a yeah, that you're. going to go try something new, stretch,

think about things you haven't thought. about before, solve a problem that's. intractable. >> I'm I I don't even consider I'm so. intellectually curious, it's a 10. Let. me ask you about intellectual risk. What. are some everyday examples of what. intellectual risk looks like in your. life? >> Um. It's usually problem solving. You know, it's you know, it's you've got a problem. that is in front of you and you're. willing to tackle. It's like, "Okay, I. can figure this out." Um I'm a huge. believer that every problem is an.

opportunity. The bigger the problem, the. bigger the opportunity and that's a real. entrepreneurial mindset. >> Yes. >> And you can foster that. You can really. develop um the ability to take on more. intellectual risks. >> So taking a risk means instead of. feeling like life is running you over or. there are no opportunities or nothing's. going to ever work out, it would be an. intellectual risk to say, "Well, maybe. there's something I can do here.". >> Well, let me give you a story. I was. asked to teach one week.

about entrepreneurship in the new design. school at Stanford. I was like, "What. can I do in one week?". So I had 14 teams and I gave them each. an envelope with $5 in it. And I said, "You can brainstorm as long as you want, but as soon as you open this envelope, you have 2 hours to make as much money. as possible. What are you going to do?". And this was I basically gave them. essentially nothing, right? A few dollars and they needed to figure. out what value they could create. >> Okay. >> Now, there were the people I knew you.

could do something. I could have a. lemonade stand or a car wash or do. something small. And there were the. groups that did that. Then there were. the groups who said, "Hey, you know. what? That $5 is a red herring. I don't need. the $5. I've got all sorts of skills.". And they set up a stand to pump bike. tires in the middle of campus and they. made $200, you know, because and halfway. through they said, "Hey, let's not. charge people. Let's just ask for. donations." and people paid them more. Or they made reservations at restaurants.

in Palo Alto and as the you know, with. long lines and as the reservation came. up, they sold the reservations. >> Oh, to people waiting in line. >> Waiting people in the line, yeah. So, um. but then there were the people who said, "You know what? The $5, the 2 hours was. a red herring. The $5. was a red herring. Maybe my 3-minute. presentation class is where the value. is.". And they sold it. for $650. >> What do you mean? >> To a company who wanted to recruit the.

students in the class. >> Oh my gosh, so they took their slot. where they were going to present their. findings and they called a company and. said, "Do you want to come and pitch a. Stanford design class?". >> Exactly. And the reason I call this an. intellectual risk is they had to like be. creative, right? They had to come up. with creative solutions. What do I do. when I have nothing? And this is also. tied to luck because guess what? Opportunities are everywhere. Most people think, "Oh, I don't have any. money." But these students created all. this value with nothing. Looking around.

and seeing the problems that. were around them and figuring out how. they could come up with solutions. >> Why does taking risks, whether it's a small financial risk or. it's a small social risk or it's a small. physical risk, small intellectual risk. to put yourself out there, why does that. create luck? >> Often times it's because you get. yourself out of your comfort zone. There's such great examples. Uh let me.

tell you a story. that sort of encapsulates a number of. these principles. There was a young man who reached out to. me a few months ago. Maybe actually. maybe it's about a year ago. A young man, his name is Oliver, and he reached out to me after he. watched my TED Talk on luck. And he. said, "You know what? I really resonate. with all of this and I want to become a. luck coach.". >> Okay. >> I said, "A luck coach? That sounds like. a great idea.". Uh and he said, "Could I just have 5. minutes of your time? I just want to.

talk to you.". And I said, "I would be delighted." So, I set up a time to talk to him and then. we had a really nice chat. >> way, you could either look at that one moment. and say, "Well, he was really lucky that you said yes. He was really lucky that it was you and. not some curmudgeon professor." But, I. think your point is. if he hadn't taken the risk to ask for. the meeting, it never would have happened. And so,

he's creating the luck. Just to kind of. get you to understand cuz most people. think, "Oh, I should reach out to Tina.". And then you go, "But, she's so busy and. she's not going to have time and I don't. want to be a burden and what do I. actually say with the email?" And da da. da da da da da. So, you talk to yourself. out of doing the thing that could. actually create the luck that you want. >> Exactly. And it could have been that I. didn't respond, >> Yes. >> right? There's so many examples where you have. to send a letter to 500 people. >> before you end up getting a couple.

people who respond to you. >> Of course. >> But, here's the thing. I did respond. I. was intrigued. I had just started. working on this book. And I said, "Oh, that's interesting. A. luck coach. Let me find out what he's. doing." And he told me and I spent. literally 5 10 minutes on the phone with. him. And this is important. He asked for. a 5-minute favor. A very small thing that was going to be. an easy thing. He made himself easy to. help. >> Mhm. >> Just 5 minutes of your time. So, afterwards, what did he do?

He sent me a thank you note. Now, do you. know how many people do not send thank. you notes? It is the most amazing thing when. someone does something for you, it is a huge missed opportunity if you. do not send a thank you note. So, he did. the right thing. He sent a thank you. note, but he didn't stop there. He sent me a long list. He sent me a. document with all these ways he could. help me. He said, "I understand, you. know, you're writing a book on luck. Here different ways I can help you.".

I was so intrigued. Now, nothing that he listed was exactly. what I wanted, but I thought, "Oh, this. guy, he really took the initiative. here." And I hired him. as a research assistant for the book. Now, I had never, ever used a research. assistant for any of my books, ever. So, this was But, I thought, "You know, I. think he can might be able to help me.". So, I hired him as a research assistant. Over the next months, I got to know him. in our calls. There's a whole chapter in.

the book about him. Now, this all started with him. asking for a 5-minute favor. >> I love the thank you note example. Do. you know what I love about the way. you're teaching us this is the risk. assessment that you do on yourself. reveals the things that you value and. how your actions are probably holding. you back. And that's a core part of. really building the sailboat of who you. are. And the second part was the crew. So, how do you build the crew?

>> Exactly. Exactly. So, asking for what. you want, but also helping other people. The more you help other people, it comes. back in wave upon. wave upon wave. It's really im-. important to understand that the more. you give to other people, the more comes. back to you. And I I can tell you so many examples. because when I talk to people about what. makes them lucky, you start realizing. that one of their key characteristics is. their generosity. Their generosity to others,

you know, how can I help you? How can I. help you? Seeing someone as a problem. and helping them. It comes back often times. when you help somebody in a little way, it was so meaningful. You might even. forgotten you did it. The resulting. feedback you get, the resulting impact. is so much more. >> Why does helping other people make you. luckier? >> Because so many so few people do it. >> [laughter]. >> So many people are just, you know,

thinking about themselves. I have a. great example of a fellow named Nir Eyal. who, when he was younger, he was selling. solar panels. And he was going door to. door to door. selling solar panels selling solar. panels. And there were so many people. who didn't really want solar panels and. they go, "But I do want to save energy. I'd really I'm looking for a heat pump.". Well, he noticed. that someone else in the neighborhood. was putting in the heat pumps. He didn't. know this guy at all.

But he said, "You know, I saw this other. guy is putting in heat pumps doing a. really good job." And started. recommending him. Well, this guy found. out said, "Wow, you're recommending me. I don't even know who you are." He said, "Well, I saw you were doing good job on. heat pumps." And guess what? This guy. started recommending him for solar. panels. And his business boomed. And it came from just being generous in. recommending someone else. >> Do you have another example, Tina, of. something that I could do today that. would also help me experience this?

>> There's so many things you can do to. show appreciation to others. One of the. biggest gifts you can give someone is to. introduce them to someone else. And the. warmer and more positive the. introduction, the more powerful it is as. a gift. It it's one of the things that. we so um often miss that opportunity. But when you introduce someone to. someone else in a really warm and. wonderful way, you've not only created a. great opportunity for them, but I can.

promise you it comes back to you in many. ways because people are so incredibly. grateful to have had that generous. introduction. >> You know, another thing that I just. thought of, and you'll have to tell me. if this is an example, is if I'm. standing in a line or if I'm ordering. coffee at a coffee shop, I always. compliment something that the person's. wearing or their nails or their haircut. or their smile, and it always opens up. both this like.

positive energy exchange. >> I agree with you totally. In fact, I. think it's it's one of the best things. you can do is like say, "I love that. color on you." Or you know, or wow, you. know, your hair cut. Did you Did you get. a cut? And honestly, well, I mean. >> Like you with strangers, I'm like, "I. love your nails." Or you have the best. smile, and people just light up. >> I I agree with you, but it's should be. authentic. It's not as It's not that. you're doing it to be manipulative. It's. like really.

>> You love their nails. >> Of course. Or their haircut. Or their. purple sweater. >> Yes. >> Yes, exactly. >> also had I experienced. something coming alive and the energy. shifting with a stranger while I'm. standing in line, and I feel that just. that simple thing, try it today. If. you're standing in a line, see something. authentically about the person in front. of you or behind you, and give them a. compliment. And I If you make this a. habit,

you'll start to have the doors of luck. open up for you. Before I had a podcast. and I was depressed in a new town and I. had no friends, I. forced myself to stir the pot cuz I. realized after 6 months of sitting alone. as a 53-year-old woman with no friends. in the middle of nowhere cuz we've just. moved from living somewhere for 26. years, feeling sorry for myself. Funny, that didn't make friends fall out of the. sky, but I still like licked my wounds. and felt sorry for myself and I'm so. unlucky cuz now I've moved and I don't.

have random money and money. I started changing my luck. by forcing myself to get out of the. house and going to a coffee shop, complimenting the person making the. coffee, making myself remember their name, going. back the next day, saying their name, complimenting something else, making. small. small talk one move day after day after. day. and slowly I made my own luck. I met.

friends, I built a community, I now walk. into that coffee shop. I probably get. more free croissants than anybody. [laughter] else because. not that I'm lucky, I created. the opportunity for what I actually. wanted, which was community and. friendship. What is the third thing that. we need to do to catch the winds of. luck? >> Great. So, the first was building your. ship, right? This is all the internal. stuff. And the internal things like your.

values, the story you tell about. yourself, your risk profile, your goals. Then the second part. is recruiting your crew, right? I like. to say luck seldoms sails solo, right? Luck is usually comes as a result of. your engagement with other people. And. so this is asking for what you want, helping others, showing appreciation, all sorts of things that allow you to. build your team. The third.

is based on the quote that we hear all. the time. The harder I work, the luckier I get. Have you ever heard that? >> Of course. It's true. >> Okay, but but but there's a missing part. there. Just as fortune favors a prepared. mind, you know need to know what a. prepared mind is. The harder that work, the luckier I get. You need to know what that hard work is. >> That's true. >> Okay, you need to know what it is. It's easy to say that. I have had a. debate for decades with my father about.

this. >> Actually, I I agree because I've worked. very hard spinning in place. So, I. I'm excited for you to unpack that. there's a certain type of hard work. >> There's so much. There's so much you can. do and. so much has to do with taking some. risks, stirring a pot, you know, introducing yourself to the person. standing next to you in line for coffee, um. stretching beyond your comfort zone. >> One of the other ones that I loved is.

that you need to quote capture luck. That luck favors those who ask. questions. Why does asking questions. increase your chance for luck? Great. It's chapter 14 of your book. >> One of. the biggest tools we have for capturing. luck is being curious. And boy, you are. so curious, right? And it really leads. [laughter] to a lot of luck because you. ask lots of questions. And the more. questions you ask, the more curious you.

are, the more you learn. I always like. to tell my students that before. something's your passion, it's something. you know nothing about. >> Mhm. >> And this is really important. People. want to sit around and say, "I need to. find my passions." Well, what a crazy. thing. Go out and do things. Be curious. Try lots of things. Keep what works. The. more curious you can be, the more. questions you can ask, and the better. listener you are,

the better you as you know, the more you. meet people and listen and learn from. them, you're going to walk away with. things that you never knew before and. opportunities that will present. themselves that you never even imagined. >> Well, I I love that we keep coming back. to this framework that's reminding me. and I'm sure it's reminding you as. you're listening or watching, that this research and this framework. that you're teaching us about luck and. becoming a luckier person. is really about.

intentionally. making decisions. to put yourself in a position. to have the things that you want because. I think, you know, common sense tells you if you. want to meet the love of your life, you're probably not going to do it. sitting alone on your couch. binge-watching television. >> Exactly. >> And yet. when And then you can sit there and say, "Well, I'm just really unlucky in love. and I've just met the wrong people and. na na na na na na." That may be true.

about your past, but that doesn't have to be true about. your future. And there are specific. things that you're teaching us to do. that can make you. one of the lucky ones to meet that. person at the bar in your pajamas, but. it's going to require something of you. >> Exactly. We each have more agency than. we may think. And there are so many. levers at our disposal. You know, there. are like 20 different things you can do. every single day, whether it's, you. know, asking for what you want, helping.

others, showing appreciation, taking. some risks, learning to be more. resilient, on and on and on, right? Resolving conflicts. But there's. something very, very important to keep. in mind. Luck is a long game. Luck is like investing money. You start out putting little deposits. and it compounds over time. >> Mhm. >> You need to trust the process that the. more deposits you make by doing these.

things that increase the possibility of. good things happening, that they do. But. I see people all the time walk right by. opportunities. This is why I wrote this. book is because I see so many people. it's like they're gold coins sitting. there and I see them walk by it. You. have to have a mindset that there's a. prize in every room. It's up to you to. find it. >> Yes. >> And with that mindset, you find it. It's. like the $5 project, right? You know,

oh, not everybody is sitting there. saying I should set up a a bike tire. pressure monitor in the middle of. campus, but once you were given the. challenge create some value, people did. >> You know, of all the tools that you're. sharing, which, you know, as you're listening and. I'm you're probably just like me as. you're listening to Tina, Dr. Seelig. talk, you're probably like, okay, I. could do I could take a risk. I could. see I I I get it. I see how like sitting.

back, staying silent, hoping somebody. finds me, not asking for what I want, not stirring the pot, not getting out of. my house. I can see how I need to shift. things. But if you're. listening. and you're feeling skeptical, maybe you're feeling a little beaten up. by life. What do you want the person to know. about how this truly makes a difference. over time? >> Yes. It is critically important to realize.

that the choices you make today. determine the choices you are going to. have in the future. >> You know, somebody feels really unlucky. right now. What's the first thing they. should do this week? >> I would say, if you were going to pick. one thing, >> Yes. >> do something to stir the soup. Do. something to add something new to your. life. Remember, we are all one decision. away from a completely different life.

Apply for the job, introduce yourself to. the person in line, do something to stir. the soup to open the door to something. new. >> Dr. Tina Seelig, what are your parting. words? >> I wish everyone the very very best of. luck. >> Mhm. >> And I know I know. that the choices you make today are. going to be reflected over and over.

again in waves and waves of good luck. into the future. >> Thank you so much for being here. I love. you. I appreciate you. I'm so grateful. you're doing all this research for all. of us. And there's no doubt in my mind. that. if you apply this, you will be luckier. >> Thank you so much. >> Well, thank you. And I also want to. thank you. And I want to point something. out. And I bet that Tina is going to. say, Mel, that's right. The fact that you hit play. on this episode,

especially if somebody shared this. episode with you, the fact that you. stirred the pot in your own life, you. took a risk and hit play, and you spent. time watching or listening all the way. to the end. is an example of what you are talking. about, Tina. That you took an action. aligned with something that you want, which is you do want to be luckier in. life. You do want life to break in your. direction. You do want to open up the. sail and capture the winds of.

opportunity. And I'm grateful that you. spent. listening and watching something that is. really going to help you do that. And in. case no one else tells you today, I. wanted to be sure to tell you as your. friend that I love you and I believe in. you. And I believe in your ability to. create a better life. And if you follow. the formula that Dr. Seelig shared with. us today, there is no doubt in my mind that you. will create a better life because you're. going to be a lot luckier cuz you will.

have created it. All right, I will see. you in the very next episode. I'll. welcome you in the moment you hit play. And thank you for watching all the way. to the end. Didn't you love this? I hope. you're generous sharing this episode. [music] with people that you love so. that they can learn all of this research. and apply it to their life to create. more luck. We all deserve that. And one. more thing I wanted to ask you, if that. subscribe button is lit up, would you. please subscribe? It is free. It is the.

number one way that you can tell me and. the team here at the Mel Robbins podcast. that you love what we are doing. Remember, Dr. Selig said, you got to ask. for what you want. So, I'm asking you. for what I want. I want you to be a. subscriber. That way you don't miss a. thing and it's how we know that you are. loving all of the world-renowned experts. that we bring you here on YouTube. All. righty, [music] I know you're thinking, thank you by the way for doing that. Mel, what's the next video I should. watch? I'm loving this. You definitely. want to check out this one. >> [music]. >> and I will welcome you in the moment you. hit play.