How to Master Your Emotions & Never Get Angry or Bothered by Anyone

Emotions pile up like a debt. >> They pile up like a debt. >> And if we don't know how to express them. in ways that are healthy, what happens? The debt comes due. >> Dr. Brackett is the founding director of. the Yale Center for Emotional. Intelligence. He's a professor at the. Child Study Center in the Yale School of. Medicine. Dr. Brackett and his. colleagues at Yale developed an. evidence-based [music]. framework that has been implemented in. more than 5,000 [music] schools and is. used by over 10 million students.

>> Our emotions are guiding us. through the day. and oftentimes we're making a judgment. based on the mood we're in. that's not necessarily the best. judgment. >> Do you ever hit send on [music] a text. you know is going to start something, but you do it anyway? Or what about when. you talk yourself out of a great date, or a great job, or fun night out with. your friends because you just get up in. your head and you get all negative? [music] It's like an emotional tsunami.

And you completely lose control of how. you react and how you feel. >> Emotional intelligence is a set of. skills. that helps us to use our emotions wisely. to achieve our goals in life. >> Where does negative self-talk come from? >> Our negative self-talk starts early and. it doesn't come from within. It comes from without. I wake up every single morning with a. mindset that today is the first day of. the rest of [music] my life. I mean, I. just think we have to have that mindset. about life. >> What is the one takeaway that you would.

want somebody to walk away with. after listening? >> I want people to leave. knowing that. >> Okay, before we jump into this. extraordinary episode about emotional. intelligence and how understanding your. emotions is going to change your life. for the better. You're going to love. this. But my team was showing me. something. They brought up a lot of. emotion. 58% of you who watch the Mel Robbins. podcast here on YouTube are not. subscribers. It would make me feel so supported, seen, and grateful.

if you would subscribe. If that. subscribe button is lit up, it means. you're not a subscriber. Will you help. me achieve my goal of getting that. number to 50%? It's free. That way you're not going to. miss a thing, and most importantly, it's. one way that you can tell me and the. team here at the Mel Robbins podcast. that you love all the content that we're. putting here on YouTube for free. And. that you also love the experts that are. flying in from around the world today. We got Dr. Brackett coming in from Yale. for you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

for hitting subscribe. All right, get. ready. This episode is going to be one. of your all-time favorites. I can just. feel it. So, let's jump into it. Dr. Mark Brackett, welcome to the Mel. Robbins podcast. >> I can't believe I'm here. >> [laughter]. >> I have had you at the top, top, top of. the list for a long time because your. work has made a big difference for me, particularly as a parent and for myself. And I would love to have you explain, if. I take everything to heart. that you're about to teach me today,

what is going to change about my. experience of life? >> I think most importantly is that you're. going to learn how to use your emotions. wisely. to have freedom, to have good relationships, to have. well-being, to achieve your goals, and honestly, to. achieve all the dreams you have and want. in life. >> If I use my emotions wisely? >> Correct. >> I can achieve my goals, dreams, and be. happier? >> 100%.

>> What do you mean by that? Because most. of us feel like emotions are something. we have to endure or overcome or we're. subject to or dictated by. >> Yeah, that's the problem. The problem is that we didn't get an. emotion education. Emotions pile up like a debt. >> They pile up like a debt. >> They do. Those strong, unpleasant ones. And if we don't know how to express them. in ways that are healthy, what happens? The debt comes due. It's denial, it's suppression, it's. repression, it's.

perfectionism, it's control, it's shame. >> Mhm. >> And we need ways to process our. emotions, we need skills to do that, and. we need skills to be able to communicate. them, and we need skills to be able to. manage them effectively. That's the goal. of this work is that emotional. intelligence is a real set of skills. that can help you navigate all emotions. and then apply that knowledge to achieve. your goals in life. >> How does somebody who's really thinking.

about I want what Dr. Brackett's talking. about. I don't want my emotions to run. me over. How do you begin this? >> It starts with permission to feel. It always starts going back to the. basics. >> Okay. >> So, let me explain some of this. research. >> Okay. >> So, a little bit of my background. I. grew up in northern New Jersey, two. parents that love me. Uh. my father was that tough-it-up kind of. guy, my mother was very anxious, and. neither one of them knew how to deal. with their own emotions, nevertheless. mine. Unfortunately, I had two older brothers.

And fortunately, I love them, but they. also had their own problems. And my parents, by the time I was around. six, they were raising me alone, meaning. my brothers had left. They were desperate, they had a lot of. struggles, and unfortunately, the person who was my. caretaker was a pedophile. >> Mhm. >> And so, from age 5 to 10, I was abused. by my parents' closest friend. And I never. shared it. I share this now in my 50s with courage.

I didn't I I suppressed it, denied it. until I was 48 years old. I did not. share it publicly. And then something magical happened. I had an uncle named Uncle Marvin. He was my mother's brother. He was a band leader by night in the. Catskill Mountains and a sixth grade. teacher by day who by some wave of a. magic wand. was developing a curriculum to teach. kids about feelings. Who by another wave of a magic wand.

lived with us when I was 11 years old. for a summer cuz he was going to. graduate school near my hometown. Who ended up rehearsing and practicing. his curriculum with me in the backyard. when I was 11. >> Wow. >> And he was the first adult who said to. me Hey Mark, how are you feeling? No one had ever asked me how I was. feeling. Ever. It was always like go to your room, wait. till your father gets home, you know, like toughen up. No one actually sat. with me.

and literally. had presence. Now fast forward, you know, that's. So I was 11, I'm 56, that's 45 years. ago. I mean my whole career is based on that. moment in my life to be frank. So I dedicate my work to this remarkable. human who gave me permission to feel. And I became very curious as a. scientist. What percentage of people have an Uncle. Marvin or an Aunt Maria?

And so for people who are listening, just take a moment and think about that. Was there an adult while you were. growing up that created the conditions. for you to be your true full feeling. self? And again, my research shows that only. 1/3 of us say yes and 2/3 of us say no. The next step is are What are the. characteristics of these Uncle Marvins. and Aunt Marias? So the research shows. there are I call them the big five.

characteristics. The first one is just general warmth. The second is non-judgmental. The third is an incredible listener. The fourth is compassionate. And the fifth is steady presence or. reliability. Notice what's not there. Brilliant, problem solver, fixer, advice. giver. Cuz what I find in my research is.

something remarkable that most people. say they're afraid to be the emotional. ally for somebody else. Cuz they don't. feel confident and capable. I don't know what to say or do. But notice the characteristics. I'm not. asking you to do very much except be. present. It's amazing to me. People say I'm. afraid because I'm not sure what if they. say something what I don't know what I'm. going to do. I'm not going to be able to. fix their problem or give them the. advice that they need. And I said no one's looking for it. No. one's looking for advice. No one's. looking for fixing.

Now what my research shows also. is that people who report having had. this emotional ally in their childhood. as adults, they are more emotionally intelligent. They have better physical health, better. mental health, they have better sleep. quality. They have greater life satisfaction and. they have greater purpose and meaning in. life. And it's funny cuz one of my closest. friends from like childhood came to hear. me speak. And he had this reaction to my.

presentation. He's like, "I hated your. presentation." I'm like, "You hated it? I got a standing ovation. You know, what. are you talking about?" He's like, "Well, I didn't have an Uncle Marvin and. I realize that's why I don't have. purpose and meaning in life." And I'm. like freaked out about it. And I said, "Maybe you can be your own Uncle. Marvin.". At some point, we have to look in the mirror. and be those things to ourselves. We have to look in the mirror and have. warmth for ourselves.

No more judgment. Listen to our feelings. Self-compassion. And just be reliable, you know, to. yourself. We can all be our own Uncle Marvins, too. And here's something even more. remarkable, Mel. So, I'm giving it I do. a lot of speaking and I'm out in. somewhere in New York State and I'm. giving this speech about this deep data. And all of a sudden this man stands up. and he looks at me like, "Are you. talking about Marvin Moore, the.

sixth-grade social studies teacher from. Monticello, New York?" I said, "I am.". He's like, "Mark, you're not going to. believe this, but your Uncle Marvin was. my Uncle Marvin.". I'm like, "What are you talking about?". He's like, "Your uncle was my. sixth-grade teacher and he transformed. my life.". And. we had this amazing conversation. afterwards for 45 minutes. And he said, "Clearly he's transformed. who you are as a person today." I said, "I give him all the credit.". And then he looked at me and he goes, "Well, Mark, for whom are you an Uncle Marvin?".

>> Mhm. >> It was so eye-opening for me. I'd never. been given that kind of in my face, "For. whom are you paying it forward?". It transformed my relationships that day. because I realized that. I just was not giving it. >> Mhm. So beautiful. Really, really beautiful. And. as you were going through that list of. attributes, I'm like, this is why our.

kids always go to my husband. >> [laughter]. >> I'm not kidding. >> He can be your emotional ally now and he. probably is. >> Yes, 100%. Dr. Brackett, I would love to. start with some more of the fourth-grade. level stuff about emotions since I feel. like I'm definitely in that camp of. okay. >> What are we talking about here? >> we talking about here? Is this going to. be one of these weird episodes where I'm. thinking about my feelings, but I'm not. sure what we're talking about? How do.

emotions. shape our lives? >> So, in my work I talk about five reasons. why emotions matter. The first is that emotions drive our. attention, memory, and learning. Now, you're looking at me now as a. tenured professor of psychology. I grew. up in northern New Jersey. I was terribly abused as a kid. I had. terrible bullying as a kid. I was a. failing student. I didn't realize until I was in graduate. school that I was in fight-flight mode.

all day long. >> Mhm. >> I was in I couldn't How could I learn. when I'm getting punched in the face on. the bus or made fun of in school? My. brain was in survival mode, not learning. mode. Emotions drive our attention, period. The second, emotions drive our judgments. Mel, have you ever made a bad decision? >> Oh my gosh, my name Mel. >> [laughter]. >> I mean. We all make decisions. What we don't. like to own is that how we feel. often times drives the choices we make.

>> Mhm. >> I'll give you an example. So, in my. research we do studies where we ask. people to think about a good day versus. a bad day. So, going to my work with. teachers, I want you to think about the. best day you've ever had in the. classroom. I want you to think about the. worst day you've ever had in the. classroom. You can apply this to any. setting. Immediately thereafter, I gave the teachers the exact same essay. to grade. And my question was, would there be differences in how the. teachers evaluated the exact same essay.

just after thinking for 5 minutes about. a good day versus a bad day? What do you think? >> Oh, no. >> One to two full grade differences. >> One to two full grade differences based. on the mood of the professor? >> Correct. Now, when I asked the people at the end. of the study, "Do you believe that how. you felt had any influence?" Of course. not. Like, I do all I do all day long is. grade papers and make decisions. I said, "Well, here's the data. One to two full. grade differences.". >> Wow. >> So, what this tells us is that our. emotions are guiding us.

through the day. and often times. what's happening is we're making a. judgment based on the mood we're in. that's not necessarily the best. judgment. Now, what's the antidote to. allow our emotions to. subconsciously influence our judgments? >> And the antidote means you change it? >> Yes. [laughter]. >> Okay. Um. uh you allow the you you you you name. the emotion. >> See how she's writing it? >> Oh my god, I was actually panicking a. little bit [laughter] there. I'm like,

"Oh my god, I'm going to get it wrong on. my own podcast.". You just name it. Because what happens. when you name it? >> You attribute it to its cause. When I can attribute my emotion. to its actual cause it will no longer. have that subconscious influence over. the future judgment. >> I. really struggle with this. And I am not proud to say this. but I'm a very leaky emotional person. Meaning that it has been a challenge for.

my entire life. to be able to. separate myself. from the thing that happened and the. emotions that I feel and instead I. wouldn't say leak, I'd say there have. been times I've been more like a tidal. wave. >> Yeah. Me, too. >> And I'm not proud of that and I I can. even say that this morning that there. was something that happened in our. studios yesterday that really made me. angry. Not with our team, somebody. coming in from the outside. >> Yeah. >> I walked into a meeting.

that was a great like collaborative. meeting and within 2 minutes I could. feel my intensity, so the leakiness. >> Yes. >> that wasn't about the meeting I was in. it was about how I felt even talking. about something. that happened yesterday. That had. nothing to do with that meeting. >> Correct. >> And. it's very useful. to understand that a simple thing that. you could do in that moment if you. notice that the volcano or the tidal.

wave or all of this is leaking, to just say, "Oh, I'm really irritable.". >> That's it. >> And I could have just said, "I don't. mean to be intense, everybody. I realize. it's from the thing yesterday.". And let me just take a beat. Cuz it's. not about you because I think what. happens is your emotions feel like you. have no choice. >> That's exactly right. And that's the. >> of my life, Dr. Brackett, I and I I I. apologize for for talking over you. I. I just feel like I feel I'm the kind of. person that was ruled by my emotions to.

the detriment. >> We're the same people because. I just did not like life as a child or. an adolescent. And I remember even in high school. crawling up in a ball. crying and thinking, "Who am I? Where am. I going with my life?" and thinking, "Oh my gosh, this is who I am. There's. no There's no way out.". I didn't know there were skills to. learn, and that's why I've dedicated my. whole life to helping people realize.

that emotions are impermanent. There are no bad emotions, and we can learn to use our emotions. wisely to achieve our goals in life. >> I want to make sure that we got all five. of the reasons why emotions matter, and. we have attention. We have judgment. >> Yes. The third is relationship quality. Emotions drive the quality of our. relationships. Here's a simple phrase. Emotions are signals. to approach. or avoid. Period.

>> You just described my childhood. >> [laughter]. >> Emotions are signals to approach or. avoid. >> That's right. So, my facial expression, my body. language, my vocal tone, my presence is. either going to send a signal to you, Mark likes me, Mark's with me, Mark. respects me, or it's going to say stay. away. I got you know, I don't respect. you. Like, who are you? I don't I don't. need you. Um that's critical. And that's from the. micro to the macro. >> Mhm.

>> I mean, just a vocal tone. Um I always joke that I can literally. influence how a room feels by lifting my. right nostril. >> [laughter]. >> I mean, literally. If I I mean, well, people who are listening can just. imagine this. And if you're watching, you can see it. So, if I look at you. right now and I do this. >> Uh-oh. Oh. Yeah, you're a little bit of disgust and. judgment. Whoa. >> Isn't that amazing? Like, I just. literally lifted my right nostril a. little bit, and all of a sudden you're.

like, "Esh, like I'm not comfortable. anymore.". >> Yes. >> Like that. That's how fast emotions impact our. relationships. So, that was an example. of me showing an emotion that makes. people not want to approach me. But. then, the same thing applies to myself. I wake up in the morning and I think, "What's happening today? Oh my god." And. that dread or that fear or that. loneliness is going to drive how I. communicate. So, it's both internal and. it's both external. >> So, we've got attention, judgment, and. relationships. What are the other two.

ways that emotions really. run your life? >> The fourth is mental and physical. health. So, think about this. Little. emotions become big emotions if they're. not dealt with. Sad becomes hopeless. Hopeless becomes. despair. >> Mhm. >> Despair becomes depressed. Peeved. becomes irritated, becomes angry, becomes livid and enraged. And if we don't recognize the little. emotions and find strategies for dealing. with them, all of a sudden they tear away at our. mental and physical health.

>> That makes a lot of sense. And what's. the fifth way? >> The fifth one is that emotions influence. our performance, our everyday. performance. I think about this all the time because. I grew up with two blue-collar parents. Neither one of my parents had a college. education. And then all of a sudden I ended up in. this job. at Yale. And so every one of my students. had higher SAT scores than I had, greater grade point averages, they. played instruments I've never heard of, they traveled to countries I didn't know. were on the map. And I'm their teacher. And I had imposter syndrome for years.

thinking they're going to find out that. I didn't go to an Ivy League school. myself. I didn't even get in to an Ivy. League school. I didn't even know what. one was, to be frank. And I just had this assumption for so. many years that oh my gosh, they have. These are the brightest crayons in the. box who have all this background. knowledge and parents who read to them. and parents who are senators and. producers. And then I've gotten to watch for 25. years what happens. And so many people don't achieve their. goals in life.

And it's not because they're not smart. You know what it is? >> No. >> They can't deal with their feelings. >> Mhm. >> They can't deal with feedback. They can't deal with disappointment. They can't deal with the anxiety. And so there's a point in our lives when. our brain power, we need it, of course. The more academically skilled we are, the better. But it's insufficient. It's insufficient. So here I am, I got. 500 students in my class. Every one of. them. looks the same on their CVs.

They all got the same grades, they all. got the same SAT scores. So I look at. them and I say, "Who's going to make it?". Cuz you're all going to apply for the. same job. Who's going to get hired? And it's not going to be about your. intelligence. Just like when you're a. basketball player, it's not about your. height. Everybody's tall. It's going to be another set of skills. And those skills are emotional. intelligence. >> Dr. Brackett, what is emotional. intelligence? >> If I were to define emotional.

intelligence in its simplest form, emotional intelligence is a set of. skills. that helps us to use our emotions wisely. to achieve our goals in life. Now, of course, that's very broad. So, you say, "All right, well, what exactly. are the skills?". And I have an acronym, RULER, which helps describe the five. skills of emotional intelligence. And. the first skill is recognizing emotions. Number two is we understand emotions. Number three is we label them. Number four is we learn how to express. them in ways that help us achieve our.

goals, cuz we've all expressed them in ways. that have not helped us. >> That's been the norm for me. >> And then the final one is regulation. So, recognize, understand, label, express, and regulate. >> I would love for you to walk us through. each one of those five things of the. acronym RULER. And the first letter is. recognize. What does that mean? >> So, you've created these wonderful. blocks for me to show everybody. >> Yes. It's a big R. If you're listening,

I don't want you to miss anything. He's. putting a yoga block in front of him, and it's got a big R, and it says. recognize. >> Recognizing emotions. Think about it. What are we doing here? We're paying attention. Like me right now, I'm laser-focused on. you, and I'm paying attention to your. facial expression, your body language, your vocal tone, and your behavior. That's the social. awareness piece of it. >> Okay. >> Then there's the introspective piece of. recognition. Mark, what's going on in.

your body? >> Mhm. >> What's going on in your mind right now? It's that It's that basic basic piece. >> Yeah. >> Well, let me ask you this question, everyone listening. On a scale from 1 to. 10, how skilled are you at recognizing. emotions? One being terrible, 10 meaning. you're great. >> I think I'm 10 at recognizing an emotion. is happening. I think I'm probably a four at. understanding what exactly the emotion. is. >> Okay. So, my research shows. that the correlation.

between our belief in our skill is next. to zero. >> Meaning what you can actually do versus. what you think you can do? >> Is not related at all. >> Okay. [laughter]. >> Because like how much feedback have we. gotten in our development? Like when you. were coming down the stairs at home, did your father say, "Oh my gosh, honey, I'm noticing your facial expression. today.". We didn't do that kind of conversation. Nobody taught us. how to read happy, sad, fear, surprise, all that stuff. >> Right, cuz nobody taught our parents.

either. >> Exactly. So, we tend to get pleasant, unpleasant. right. Like approach, avoid kind of. feelings. But the specific emotions, we. tend to be very poor at guessing. We tend to attribute emotion to people. as opposed to actually recognize their. feelings. >> Mhm. >> So, let me give you an example. Like. right now, you would you would mhm. If I had some kind of. terrible thing that happened this. morning or I heard weird things about.

Mel, I would come into the meeting and she'd. go, "Mhm." And I'd be like, "Oh, she's. judging me.". She's not curious. That's a judgment. signal. I have no clue what the hell's going on. in your head or your mind, but I am. projecting my own issues or the other. issues that people said. onto your facial expression all of the. time. I mean, have you ever been. misread? >> Well, I've been misread and I was. thinking when I made that sound of a. thing that I did with our daughter.

Sawyer. who for a while I was misreading. her expressions and she would get very. rigid and her face would go cold and I. would immediately feel like she was. judging me. >> Mhm. >> And what I've come to learn in those. moments, which makes me really sad, is that she actually was becoming. emotionally flooded. >> Mhm. >> and felt overwhelmed. and didn't know what to do. because it seemed like I was getting.

angry about something. And so here we. were two people. in constant situations where we are not. actually getting each other. because I'm not angry at all, but my. voice is going in a direction that cues. it. >> Yeah. >> She then stiffens and I think she's. getting combative. And in fact, it's the opposite. She's in. fear. >> There you go. >> And. we miss each other and we misunderstand.

each other and I can see how. I I was attributing something that then. of course affects my emotions. And understanding that the first. response for her typical and same as. with my husband actually. is I would always get so mad cuz he. would go silent when I was pissed off. I. mean, smart dude. And then I would be of. course walking behind him going, "What. what now you going to talk?". >> Mhm. >> And what I thought was he was.

trying to control the situation and pull. a power move and dominate and the truth. is he was shutting down. because in those moments he felt like. there's absolutely nothing I can do to. like. nothing I can do here. >> You're like so clearly showing why we. need skills. >> Yes. >> Because otherwise we're just projecting. all the time. >> Mhm. >> And so. using that antidote word again. the antidote is what?

>> To name it. >> There you go. >> Cuz that's what changed everything in. the dynamic with my daughter. >> You have to say how you're feeling, but. you also have the courage to ask her how. she's feeling. >> How how would you. advise us. to ask somebody else because I do feel. like especially with couples. my husband and I are celebrating our. 30th wedding anniversary and the. question I've asked him the most in our. marriage, "What are you thinking?". >> [laughter]. >> There you go. >> Ironically, doesn't typically lead to an. answer that tells me how he's feeling or.

what he's thinking. What is the best way to ask somebody as. dumb as a question. that is? >> It's not that dumb because we just don't. do it because I think that we are. intimacy-phobic. >> Mhm. >> So, it's easier to say, "What are you. thinking?". >> Mhm. >> There's less connection involved in it. And so, when you are in this weird place. with your husband or your daughter, you. just say, "You know, I'm in a weird place right now. I'm not. even sure how I'm feeling. I'm kind of. this odd mixture of frustration and. overwhelm right now, and I just want you to know that. And.

I'm really curious about how you're. feeling about this situation.". >> Mhm. That's it. It seems so easy. >> It is, but we're afraid to hear the. response cuz we don't want to own the. fact that we might have created an. emotion, >> Mhm. >> which is more complicated than, you know, it's said. But, we do. support other people in experiencing. unpleasant feelings. And we don't want to own that. So, it's easier to just not ask the. question. >> Wow.

So, the next letter. is U. And you say, you wrote in your mega. best-seller Dealing With Feeling that. this is the hidden driver. >> Yeah. >> for emotional intelligence. >> Because this is where we build. relationships and connection. >> Okay. >> Understanding emotion, we define it as understanding the causes. and the consequences of emotion, including how our emotions impact all. the things that we've talked about,

thinking, judgment, and behavior. But, here's the kicker. And this is where I think most people. get it wrong. We have to have a common understanding. of emotion. So, anger, for example. If If to ask you, "What is the. general cause of anger, what would you. say? >> I would think. uh either sadness. Oh. Uh injustice. >> Thank you.

>> Okay. >> Anger. is a result of a perceived injustice or. unfairness. Now, you're a woman, I'm a man. We have different upbringings, we have. different religions, we have different. belief systems. So, the things that I see in society. that may trigger me to make me feel. angry may not trigger you. >> Mhm. >> Vice versa. I don't need to prove to you why you. should or should not feel angry. You. don't need to prove to me why I should.

or should not feel angry. The goal of emotional understanding is. to have connection and empathy. I want to be I want to know, tell me, why do you feel this way about this so. that I can be supportive of you. That's the key to understanding. >> Wow, and that means more intimacy. >> Sorry. >> Which is why we don't ask. >> I mean, that's why we go to AI to get. help with our feelings because we're so. afraid of having the connection with a. human that we just think it's easier to. ask a chatbot. >> Now, what I found interesting about the.

understand part of this is that it was. both understanding. the cause of it. and then understanding. what it's impacting in your life. How do. you understand the cause of it? >> The cause is going back to the theme. So, injustice. >> Oh, got you. Okay, so oh, I got it. So, if you're angry. and you don't know why, ask yourself. what has happened that makes me feel. like something's unfair. >> Correct. Or if you are disappointed, it.

would be what? >> Um. what was my expectation? >> Exactly. Disappointment is about unmet. expectations. Now, here's the deal. You're with your kid, you're with your. partner, you're out and about, and. someone says, "I can't take it anymore.". I just said that to you. I can't take it anymore. >> Oh my god, okay, I just had like a. little bit of a. >> [laughter]. >> flashback or something. Go ahead. >> Sorry. How am I feeling? >> Um.

you are feeling frustrated. >> How do you know? >> Uh you grit your teeth. You raised your hands. You had a face. that was very angry. >> Freeze. What are you doing right now? >> Um. >> You're making the what error? >> I am attributing. >> Thank you. >> Something I actually don't know how you. feel. >> Of course not. I'm a dude. I'm not going to tell you. that I feel shame or disappointment. I'm. going to act out like I'm angry to get.

my needs met. >> Oh, so for example, father in a toy. aisle, and kids want the expensive thing. You. can't afford it. The deeper emotion is. shame, but you're going to just erupt at. your kids, and it's going to read anger. and frustration. >> Great example. Hence, why we need to. deactivate, get curious, find out what's. happening. to build the connection so that we can. be helpful to each other. Emotions are. data.

So, when I'm feeling an unpleasant. emotion, it's legitimate. There's nothing wrong with that. As a matter of fact, I've been really thinking about this. around my anxiety. And a friend of mine who studies. anxiety, we had this long conversation. about it, and she said to me, Mark, "Tell me all the things that make you. anxious.". Well, I'm anxious about fundraising. I. got to constantly raise money to keep my. research center alive. What else? I'm anxious about the quality of our. center's work. I always want it to be. the top quality. What else are you.

anxious about? And I named all these. things, and she said, "Well, what do. those things have in common?". I'm like, "What are you talking about? She would not listen to me. What do. those things have in common? And I had an epiphany. I said, they're all the things that I care about. in my life. And she said, exactly. So, why would. anxiety be a bad thing? It's telling you that something may not. be going exactly right with something. that you care about. So, now it's an.

opportunity to look deeper into that. >> Okay, that's. personally. why you're here for me. That one story and that one reframe. around anxiety is exactly what I needed. as a parent right now. to send to one of my adult kids. That. was like a gift. The third letter of. ruler is label. What does that mean? >> And we have got a block for that. So, labeling emotions,

so before in understanding, we talked. about understanding the causes and the. consequences. The differences between, let's say, anger. and. anxiety. Anger is about injustice. Anxiety is about uncertainty. But now with labeling, we're going to. get super precise with our words. >> Mm, okay. >> I'm going to ask everyone who's. listening to take a little quiz. >> Okay. >> We have anxiety, stress,

pressure, fear, overwhelmed. This is a big quiz. Anxiety, stress, pressure, fear, overwhelmed. What's the difference. between anxiety, stress, pressure, fear, and overwhelmed? >> Anxiety is about the future. >> I gave you that one already. >> Okay, I know. [laughter] Okay, but. still, that means I'm learning. Uh, stress. is about your body state.

>> Keep going. >> Okay, uh uh. overwhelm. I'm I'm I'm like now starting to panic. and I forgot the other two. Overwhelm is. I don't know what to do. Pressure is I I I can't handle this. And fear is something bad's going to. happen. >> You're pretty good. B+. >> Okay. >> So, anxiety, perceived uncertainty. >> Yep.

>> Stressed. Too many demands, not enough resources. >> Mhm. >> Pressure. Something at stake is dependent upon my. behavior. Fear. Impending danger. Overwhelmed, saturated with emotion. >> Mhm. >> Now, why does that matter? Why am I. trying to get you to be, as we call it, so granular about your feelings? >> can see why this matters and it's very. helpful because it applies to something. I'm dealing with at work.

Where it feels like all five of those. things are present. Anxiety, stress, overwhelm, pressure, fear. >> Yep. >> And I think in some way all of those. things are present. in this situation. >> They could be. >> taking. stress, which is too much to do and not. enough resources, that is a very different operational. problem. than having you feel overwhelmed, which.

is emotionally flooded and I can't do. anything. >> Exactly. >> Yes. >> And so that precision is a guide to. healthy regulation. That precision is a guide to healthy. regulation. Anxiety is about. uncertainty around the future. You can. take all the deep breaths. You can take. all the walks. Guess what? You're going to come back and you're. going to ruminate about all all. uncertainty. Stress is having too many demands and. not enough resources. You can go to the. gym and pump it out. Maybe it'll be some.

immediate relief, but at the end of the. day, you got too much on your plate and. you can't handle it. So, if you're stressed, either you're going to have to say, Mark, your job never ends. You're going to have to accept this. Or. you're going to have to distribute more. and get more people to support you. >> Mhm. >> Otherwise, the stress is not going to go. away. Period. Here's a quick one for. you. So, I did a study with my own. students. on. how they feel. And it's sad. 70% of say they're tired.

and stressed and bored. And then by the way, this parallels with. a big study I did with high schoolers. across the nation. 77% of time tired, bored, and stressed. >> [sighs]. >> But then, I got really interested in. well, do they really know how they're. feeling? >> Mhm. >> So, I had them journal. Journal about all the reasons that. you're tired and bored and stressed and. overwhelmed and all this. What do you think their real emotion. was? >> Um.

despair. >> Their real emotion was envy. >> What? >> Envy. Cuz everything they wrote about about. being stressed. was social comparisons. They study for less hours and get better. grades. They've got better hips. They've. got better lips. This one's parents have. more connections. And so, they go to the university. counseling center. and they get treated for stress and. anxiety.

and doing breathing exercises and yoga. And I keep on thinking to myself, I. don't know what yoga pose is going to. decrease envy. But, no offense to the. yoga people out there. I love yoga. Um but the point is is that if we don't. really know what we're feeling, then we don't know what to do with our. feelings. And if we're kind of. un-self-aware, then we're just like, bring me breathing. exercise. Like, I don't know what the. breathing exercise going to do when. you're sitting around thinking like, "Oh. my god, everybody's better than I am. Everybody's better than I am." Like, you. need cognitive strategies for that. You. got to change the dialogue in your head.

and stop comparing yourself. That's the. only thing that's going to decrease the. envy. >> So, Dr. Brackett, what is the thing that. you need to do if it is envy and. comparison that's making you feel sad, stressed, bored, and tired? >> How about gratitude? >> Now, if I'm sad, stressed, bored, and. tired, I'm like, "How about you go. yourself?" Like, I'm literally, you. know, just like you know, cuz you know. how people How do I access gratitude. if I'm in that spiral?

>> You take a deep breath and you say to. yourself, "Look at me. Look at where I'm at. What's going right for me? What are the three things today that. happened. that are actually positive?". And I would tell students like, you. know, all respect, like you got great. freaking professors. Like, come on, let's have some gratitude here. >> [laughter]. >> You hate yourself, but you know, you. >> Exactly. Like, let's be honest about who. I am. >> It's about exactly. >> [laughter]. >> Um, you know, it's not like the food is. bad here. It's not like the dorms are so.

bad. Can we just take a moment and pause. and just think about what's going right? Again, that negativity bias just pours. over us. Just take a minute. and think about something you're. grateful for. It just changes the. chemistry in your brain. >> Mhm. >> We need to reflect on what's going right. and not always on what's going wrong. >> Mhm. >> That's a skill. It's a practice. Just. like you brush your teeth in the. morning, at the end of the day, when we have. dinner together, we do, it sounds. cliché, but you know what? We do a.

gratitude reflection. >> That is so insanely helpful. If you start adopting a practice, if you. recognize yourself. and being in this loop that we've all. been in where you're sad, you're. stressed, you're bored, you're tired, maybe the next time you're in that. self-criticism beat down spiral, you go, "Whoa, hold on. Let me remember what Dr. Bracket said. Let me look around and find three things.

that are going well.". >> Or it might just be simpler than that. Mark, this feeling is impermanent. You're 56. There have been rainy days, there have been sunny days. Today's a. rainy day for legitimate reasons. It's. not going to rain forever. But we have. to recognize the key element is that all. emotions are impermanent. >> They're impermanent. >> They're impermanent. The law of physics says that emotions. are ephemeral. They are impermanent.

>> Mhm. >> I just say that and I just. it makes me feel at ease because I I. lean into rainy days more than sunny. days. That's a whole, you know, that's a. therapy session we won't get into right. now. But the point is. that I have to use that language. I have. to talk to myself and say, "Mark, today is a rainy day. You've had some beautiful sunny days. over the last couple of years. Remember. they're they're there, too.". And how. relieving that is. >> Mhm.

>> We've gone from recognizing to. understanding to labeling, and I want to. get to expressing. Can I do that one. now? >> Please. >> So expressing emotions, this is bringing us to that last big R, a regulating. Is that there's a lot of discernment. in expressing emotions. There's a lot of. discernment in me feeling safe. psychologically with you, Mel, right. here, right now, to be my true self. Like you create the context. I'm in your. home right now. And so you're creating a context for me.

either to be completely open or guarded. Every home is that way. Every classroom. is that way. Every workplace is that. way. So when we want to express our emotions, we can't just do it. It's It's a skill that is embedded in a. context. >> Mhm. >> We also have to know how and when to. express emotions. I've gotten this. pushback, too, about like, "You're just. saying that permission to feel means. permission to say whatever you're. feeling whenever you want to say." I'm. like, "I never wrote that, just to let.

you know." There are norms in our works. there in our workplaces, there are norms. in our homes and society. Um and yes, you can be your true self, but is that. the most helpful self? You know, if I said everything I was. feeling to everybody I was with, I would. be a very lonely person. >> I'd be fired. >> So. Exactly. >> There you go. >> [laughter]. >> The question here is, are we in relationships with people. with whom we can be our authentic.

selves? I can't tell you how many people I talk. to, people who are listening right now, and if I said, "Can you tell your loved. ones how you really feel? Can you be open and say, 'I'm feeling. sad. or feeling lonely'? Do you have the courage to talk about it. with someone?". Do you know that most people say no? My research shows that about two-thirds. of us say no. And this is why we need to help people.

learn the skills because. they don't feel. like there is an actual person in their. life with whom they can be their true, full-feeling self. >> What is the final R? >> So, the final R of ruler is regulate. It's about regulating our emotions to. achieve your goals. >> What does that mean to be regulating. your emotion? >> Well, let me ask everyone who's. listening and you, what's your. definition of emotion regulation? >> Um. for me,

I think it means to recognize what's. happening and to basically try. to [laughter] let it. rise up. and dissipate. >> Okay. >> To try. to not let it be. leaking all over other human beings. >> Mhm. >> To try to. not let my mood or my feelings in the. moment dictate the actions that I take. next. That's what it means to me.

>> Yeah, and that's a great way of thinking. about it. Mark the scientist's definition is it's. about the thoughts. and the actions. So, the things we can. do in our heads. I can prevent the. anxiety before the presentation because. I can get ready for it. I can reduce an unwanted emotion. I can initiate an emotion. I can intentionally try to help you. savor your emotions. I can maintain a pleasant emotion. So, like when I leave here today,

I'm going to assume that we all think. this went well, and I'm going to call. people. And I'm going to say, like I had. an amazing experience with Mel. And ask. me some questions, please. You know, and. so that I can think back and and savor. it. I think that's important. We tend to. just move on. Why? Let's savor it. >> Mhm. >> Or we can boost or enhance emotions. And we do that in the service of all the. things that I do my work for, which is. we regulate so we have better attention. We regulate so we make better decisions.

We regulate so we can have better. relationships. We regulate so we can. have better mental health. And we. regulate so we can achieve our goals in. life. And so there are strategies. Should we go through them? >> Yeah, let's start with the ones that are. unhelpful that people may reach for and. don't realize it's not actually working. And I'll share one. >> Go. >> I recently started to realize that when. I would kind of become a volcano or I'd. get angry. because I feel. a sense of injustice.

>> Yeah. >> Or I get frustrated because I have unmet. expectations, usually by the way that. I've not expressed. Um. that in the venting, like I just need to. get it out. I'm a verbal processor. That's why. >> Yeah. >> it just stirs up even more. >> Yeah. >> And so that's one thing. Another one. that has been very unhelpful that I used. for decades. was [laughter]. telling myself to not be anxious or. telling myself I shouldn't be this way. >> And really rejecting the thing that I.

was feeling and trying to ignore it. >> Yeah, welcome to America. I think those. are many people's go-to strategies. My. research shows that there are three big. ones that are unhelpful. For everybody. who's listening, take a moment and think. about it. When you're overwhelmed, when. you're stressed, when you're pissed off, what's your automatic go-to unhelpful. way of dealing with your emotions? Just. think about it. >> an email and venting on people. >> Yeah. >> Bitching to my husband about what some. idiot did. Yes, talking about the state. of the world and why this is still.

happening. >> Exactly. >> Yes. Now I'm already feeling actually. quite cracked [laughter] up. >> Totally. I'm I'm I I I can't believe I'm. going to say this. I get mean. And I hate myself for it, but I just get. when I get triggered, I like want to. retaliate. And I'm working on it for years, but. if I get low enough and angry enough or. frustrated enough, it just. and I'm like this I'm like I always say. to myself, "Mark, you're the director of. the center for freaking emotional. control. Don't say it. Don't do it,

Mark. You have the strategies. You're. the expert.". And I go for it and it's like ah. But here is the big ones. Avoidance. It's like the person you're having a. difficult time with at work, you're. like, "I'm just going to not go into the. lunch room. I'm going to avoid that. person in the hallway.". Or I'm just not going to tell the person. how I really feel and just it's going to. I'm going to bury it. That that also. includes the kind of denial, the. suppression stuff. The second is eating and drinking. >> Mhm.

>> How many of us have. had one too many chips or scoops of ice. cream. or one too many alcoholic beverages? >> Yeah, what do you think the odds are. that I had a martini last night after a. stressful day? >> [laughter]. >> There you go. >> And then I walked in here this morning. and leaked all over a bunch of people. >> [laughter]. >> Self-awareness is a gift. And the other masterful one, I say that. jokingly, is just negative self-talk. >> Mhm. >> We are self-saboteurs. Yeah. Well, I don't think we want to use.

it. >> Right. >> I think we are gaslighted to use it. Give you a really concrete one of a an. example. So, I have a niece who is the. love of my life. Her name is Esme. She. was adopted from Guatemala. And I speak Spanish and I went to bring. her home back 21 years ago. She just. graduated college. I'm very proud of. you, Esme. She is dark-skinned. She's Latina. She was in a very white area of New York. State. And in kindergarten, some kid said to her, "You're a. different color than your mother. That's.

disgusting.". Now, of course, her mother called me and. said, "You better get up here cuz I'm. going to get in my car and I'm going to. run over that kid. I'm going to run over. the mother." I'm like, "Take a deep. breath. Uncle Mark, road trip.". Now, when I got to their home, this is the love of my life, this. 5-year-old girl. To And I know what it's. like cuz I was terribly bullied as a. kid. I knew that I had to be her emotional. ally. I knew that I had to help intervene cuz. she was already saying, "I don't want to. go to school. I hate school. I don't. want to go to school." She was already.

questioning her skin color, "Why am I. this and who's Why are you my mother?". And. in that moment, which was a difficult moment for our. family, I had to figure out a way to connect. with this young woman. and in her 5-year-old language, tell her that no one has the right to. define your reality. Now, if she were Uncle Mark in his 40s. at the time, he would have the courage to say, "Wait. a minute. Like, who do you think you are. talking to me that way? I love myself. You don't have that power.".

She's five. >> Yeah. >> Do you see what I'm saying, how. important it is? >> We have to build the skill early. And so, this young girl, with her uncle and her parents and other. people were really trying to help her. reframe, build more positive self-talk, recognize. that our family has different skin. colors and tones, and it's okay, and. that we love her, and that she's going. to be okay, and etc. But, imagine no intervention there. >> Mhm. >> Imagine no one noticing.

We were intentional about providing her. that support so she could reframe and. have more positive self-talk. So, our. negative self-talk starts early, and it doesn't come from within. It comes from without. It's our parents saying, "Why you. wearing those pants? And why you doing. that?" And all that negativity about. color, about your height, about your. weight, about the way you walk, the way. you talk, the way you do your homework, everything. And from what I gather,

other than the work I do and some others. do, there's nobody intervening and. helping parents and children. notice and say, "Wait a minute. We need to not be self-sabotaging. We. need to be self-compassionate.". I wake up every single morning. with a mindset that today is the first. day of the rest of my life. >> Mhm. >> Today is a day that I can. start the journey to be the best version. of myself. I mean, I just think we have to have. that mindset about life.

Otherwise, we just get stuck, and we're. endlessly stuck, and we're endlessly. like trying to fix. There's nothing to. fix. >> Mhm. >> Only learning. >> Why is that mindset so important? What. has it done for you? >> What it does for me is it allows me to. set goals to be the better version of. myself that day. >> And it's like, you know, Mark, you said. that to your partner, not cool. Like, let's think about that a little bit. Like, what what what need. did you have that was unmet.

that made you project or displace that. crap on on him? And so, for me, it's an opportunity to grow. It's an opportunity to. flourish. And. as a kid who had a lot of trauma, and I I walk around the world and I see. the data and how many people have. experienced trauma, and how how many people have stay stuck. in that trauma, I just feel. like. that's not the way life should be. Life.

is about moving forward. >> Mhm. What are the research-backed strategies. that are effective for regulating an. emotion? >> Yeah. Number one. is the permission to feel. >> Okay. >> You got to just. it's okay. I'm feeling it. No big deal. Number two, build the vocabulary. We got there. Number three, you have to learn how to deactivate. You. do have to build the space. So, if you. get annoyed with someone here before you.

go home, sometimes you don't have access to those. cognitive strategies right away. So, maybe it's taking a walk around the. block, maybe it's taking a deep breath, maybe it's a little meditation. It's. whatever works for you. For me, it's breathing. I just take some breath and like. >> [snorts]. >> Okay. And then I can activate my best self. So, just to it goes from attitude of. permission to feel. to having the vocabulary. to knowing how to deactivate to the. cognitive strategies. One of my favorite.

go-to strategies is temporal distancing. It's a fancy way for saying. how am I going to feel about this in a. month? So, I'm triggered by everything, just so. you know. Um I just I am. Like, I I especially I. grew up with a father who was like. cheap. Like, why are we buying that? That's. ridiculous. So, we go shopping and, you. know, my partner wants the organic. organic almond milk. I'm like, that's. ridiculous. >> [laughter]. >> Why am I spending $7 on milk? Are you. out of your mind?

And then I realized like, hey, I'm not. my partner's father. Oh, yeah. That's. right. Everybody can buy whatever milk they. want to buy. It's not like control. freak, shut up, control freak. But sometimes I have to take go down. another aisle, take a deep breath, and. be like, Mark, is it worth your relationship? This. freaking almond milk? Like, this is. ridiculous. Are you really going to be. even remember that you bought the almond. milk in a week from now? No. Let it go. So, that It's like you build in time. Or you create the time.

>> Mhm. >> One of my ultimate favorites is a. relational one. I don't know about you. Have you ever. been in a meeting with someone. that you just their energy is really. uncomfortable? >> Yeah. >> was like this a lot. He would get. triggered when we were at family. gatherings, and then all of a sudden he'd like go in. the attack mode. >> And then you feel like, oh my god, what. are we going to do? Oh my god. Yes, like. I have no control here. >> Yeah. You create a picture frame. So, let's imagine right now, for listeners, I'm with Mel, and Mel is saying like, Mark, I think your stuff is.

And I'm like, I can't believe this is. happening right now. And so, I could. like just sit here and absorb it all, and be like, oh my god, my life is over. 5 million people are going to listen to. Mel tell me that my life my my life's. work is meaningless. Okay, Mark. A, she didn't say it. B, make a little picture frame. So, I. literally make you into a movie. >> Okay. >> And I. observe you. as opposed to absorb you. Observe versus absorb.

>> Wow. >> it? >> Yes. I. need this. >> We all need it. >> And I especially need it. when I see clips. from the news. >> Yeah. >> Because it's so activating to see. certain people. >> Mhm. >> and certain headlines and I absorb it. >> Me too. >> versus observing. >> Yes. >> Where there is this distance.

>> Correct. It's spatial distance. So when my father would say thing like, you know Mark, you think your blank. doesn't stink now that you're a. professor. And I would be like, okay, this is going. to be a fun night. But this is going to. be a B-level movie and I'm just going to. watch my father go on his rampage and. just wow. Gosh, I wish he had an emotion education. when he was young. Gosh, it would have. been nice for him to learn some skills. Wow. It's a great movie. And so I would just talk about it.

while I am observing it. >> Mhm. To yourself. >> him. to. bring that into my life. It's a beautiful technique and it works. >> beautiful and what I just realized is. that when I'm saying let them. in a moment where somebody is very. triggering or they're activated, I've never thought about it like the. movie, but I'm basically queuing myself. to recognize.

who I'm dealing with. >> Yeah. >> take a step back emotionally and remind. myself, I can't control this. This. person's acting like an 8-year-old. throwing a tantrum. I'm just going to. let them. >> So you're that's actually really cool. because I've read your book, which I. think is wonderful. And I have applied my own work. to your work and I we're aligned 100%. there because when you are letting them, you still have to regulate your. feelings. It's not like you just let them and be. like, whatever. You have to manage your own experience.

with that person and allow them allow. the disengagement or or. let them relationship go to in a. different direction or. whatever it is, but that takes some. personal work. >> Well, what I realized is that. before being able to say let them as a. way to create the distance between me. and somebody else and observe what's. happening, I couldn't actually regulate my own. emotions because I was so their. leakiness.

>> Mhm. >> and my reaction to. >> and now I'm just reacting to that. >> Yeah. >> I. couldn't actually regulate myself. And it was it's the the distance that. you're talking about of observing. whether it's in yourself or someone else. and these tools that you're talking. yourself where you start to talk to. yourself or you notice it in a picture. frame. You go, "Okay, interesting. Acting like a toddlers, 6 years old. It's very interesting that a. 70-year-old person's doing this right.

now. Okay. And not my job to manage. Going to let them, you know? And and it. helps me stay over here. I think about. it like snow globes. Like when somebody gets super emotional, there's all this agitation that gets. shaken up and the tools you're teaching. us can allow you to keep that stuff in. their snow globe from hitting you. And from recognizing that you can choose. to try to comment, but you don't have. to. >> I remember you know, back a a number of.

years ago, I was giving a speech and. this other person who was mean. gave a speech after me. I had given a. speech and I was really being heartfelt. about my bullying experience as a kid. For some reason the second presenter. thought they were like a smart ass and. before they began their talk which was. right after mine, he got up he's like. shows this video of a boy being bullied. and he goes, "That was more before he. got his black belt.". Now, in that moment, I was crushed. And. here was like a 40-something-year-old.

man in the front of 300 people. I was. off to the side. I literally. transgressed to being 12. It was mind-blowing. I'm like, "Wow, I. just want to. And so, I had a moment in my life. where I had to make a choice. I wasn't. going to run his Asian game. I was going. to think I had this visual of me like I. cuz I'm a fifth-degree black belt. I was. going to run his Asian with a flying. sidekick and. knock him out. [laughter]. That was like my like my authentic self. My best self, on the other hand, said,

"Mark, let's wait.". But afterwards, I really had to go up to this person. and I had to make it clear. that what they said. was not only an embarrassment for. themselves, but for the community. And. that it was like. like you're done. Like this will never. happen again. I You know how much work. that took? Oh my gosh. The courage. to just be like, "I got to give this. person feedback in terms of the way they.

treated me, and it was embarrassing and. gross.". Whether you do anything about it or not. is not my control. But I have to have the courage and the. skill to go up to you and say, "Never. again.". >> What I love about that is you. are using all the tools you talked. about, and then you're choosing a way to behave. that makes you really proud of yourself. It's almost a way for you to be your own. Uncle Marvin. >> Yes. >> It's so beautiful. Your work is so important, and I am.

grateful. that you made the time to be here with. us, to explain all this, and there's so. much that I have absorbed, and I cannot. wait to apply this. And so, just personally, I want to say. thank you. If you. after all of these incredible tools and. insights that you've taught us today, if. you. could identify what is the one takeaway.

that you would want somebody to walk. away with. after listening? >> I want people to leave realizing they. have the power. to choose the response. in their lives. I want people to leave. knowing that emotional intelligence. is not a fixed trait. You weren't born. that way. It's a learned skill. We can. learn to recognize our emotions better. and other people's. We can learn to. understand them. We can learn to label.

them, express them, and regulate them in. ways that can help us to achieve all of. our goals, to build the best possible. relationships, to have the well-being. that we want, and I do believe that. these skills help us. to ensure that our dreams come true. >> Dr. Marc Brackett, what are your parting. words? >> My parting words. are please give yourself permission to. feel. Please give everyone you love and even. the people you don't love that much.

permission to feel. And. build that toolbox of strategies to help. you manage the full range of emotions so. that you can have emotional freedom. and achieve your goals. >> Well, Dr. Brackett, I. have such a deep admiration. for you. >> I appreciate that. >> And I think your work is a real gift. Thank you for sharing it with us today.

>> Thank you for giving me the opportunity. >> You're welcome. And I also want to thank you for giving. us the gift of your time. I know there. is so much that you took away from this. and that you are going to share with. people that you care about and that. you're going to start applying in your. life and I'm so excited for you to have. these tools and to have all of the. wisdom from Dr. Brackett. And in case nobody else tells you today. as your friend, I wanted to be sure to. tell you that I love you and I believe.

in you and I believe in your ability to. create a better life. And as Dr. Brackett said, when you give yourself. permission to feel, when you start to. use some of the tools that you learned. about today to better understand. yourself, to better understand the. emotions that you're feeling, you're going to experience a level of. freedom that you deserve and you're. going to start seeing yourself and your. entire life in a different light. [music] I'll see you in the next. episode. I'll welcome you in the moment. you hit play. Alrighty, thank you for watching [music]. all the way to the end on YouTube. And.

if you're wondering, Mel, what should. [music] I watch next? You're going to. love this episode. Check it out.