4 Small Things That Make People Feel Closer to You

Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to. the Mel Robbins podcast. I am thrilled. that you're here. I love the topic that. we're going to talk about today. It's. always an honor to spend this time with. you. And if you're new or somebody. shared this with you, I just want to. take a moment and personally welcome you. to the Mel Robbins podcast family. Today, you're going to learn all about. this one skill that makes everyone like. you. And I'm going to teach you four. simple ways to practice it. And so.

you're probably wondering, Mel, I'm in. What is this magical skill? What is the. thing that makes other people like me? The skill is empathy. Hold on. You didn't see that coming. I. don't want you to roll your eyes. Do not. turn off this episode. I want you to. learn this and I want you to really. embrace the research that I am going to. unpack. So, let's just start with the. word empathy cuz I have a feeling that. like I used to maybe right now you don't.

really understand kind of what empathy. is or how powerful of a skill it is in. life. Empathy is a skill that powerful. people have. Empathy is also not the. same thing as feeling sorry for. somebody. Right? Because feeling sorry. for somebody else depending upon the. edge or the softness that it has could. either be sympathy or it could be pity. That's not empathy. Empathy is something. else entirely. But let's just talk.

common sense first. I want you to think. about your favorite person. Like who is. the person that when you think about. them, oh my god, you just love this. person? You have positive things to say. You exhale. Your shoulders relax. you. just really like this person. I. guarantee you the reason why you like. this person is because when you're. around them, you feel good about. yourself. When you're around them, they. make you feel seen and heard and they.

listen to what you have to say and. they're interested in your life. That's. why you like them because of how they. make you feel. Remember the famous Maya. Angelou quote? People do not remember. what you do, they remember how you made. them feel. And empathy is the bridge. between you and somebody else. And the. reason why you like other people is. because other people make you feel good. about you when you're around them. And now I want to drop even deeper into. why empathy is an actual superpower.

Empathy is not for people who are weak. Empathy is one of the most influential. skills on the planet. And this is why I. want you to really lean into this and. practice this every single day because. empathy, you're wired for this. It is. the closest thing you have to a. superpower. And the first reason why is. it taps into this thing called the law. of reciprocity. What is the law of. reciprocity? Law of reciprocity is. basically when you do something nice for.

others, they do something nice for you. This has been studied extensively that. there is a hardwired psychological. impulse for you to feel compelled to. reciprocate whenever somebody does. something nice for you. Now, for. example, if somebody opens up the door. for you, you're walking into a building. and somebody opens up the door, what do. you immediately feel like you need to do. if there's a door in front of you? Open. it up for them. You don't even think. about it. And so this law of reciprocity.

is hardwired in all of us. And so. empathy is the intentional leveraging of. this tendency that we have. And that's. one of the benefits when you show up in. a way where other people feel. understood, seen, heard, and supported. because they want to give that back to. you. So that's the law of reciprocity. That when you take the time to try to. understand what somebody else is going.

through, it makes somebody feel good and. that makes them feel connected to you. That makes them like you and it makes. them also want to return the favor. because it's tapping into something that. we all have called mirror neurons. Now. mirror neurons, uh, I can explain it to. you in a very common sense way. There's. a reason why when you watch a movie and. there's something super emotional. happening and one of the main characters. or anybody in the movie starts to cry. and you feel yourself welling up,

your mirror neurons. Watching somebody. else experience emotion, positive or. negative, triggers your mirror neurons. to have a similar reaction. Neuroscientists often talk about mirror. neurons as this neural bridge that. connects you to other people. The person. who really changed how I think about. empathy is Dr. Stuart Ablon. Dr. Ablon. is an awardwinning psychologist. He's a. professor at Harvard Medical School.

He's the founder and director of a. program at Mass General Hospital, the. number one research hospital in the. world. It's called Think Kids. He's been. working and researching and helping kids. for 30 years in his clinical practice. And I asked him, I said, you know, Dr. Aban, how do you think about the word. empathy? And his answer was incredibly. simple. He said one word, understanding. Understanding. Empathy is about.

understanding another person, what. they're feeling, what their perspective. is, what they're dealing with before you. judge, you jump in to fix, you give your. opinion, or you like make up your mind. about somebody. And there's some good. news here because researchers at the. University of Toronto. studied opportunities to practice the. skill of empathy in your everyday life. And they published these findings I'm. about to share with you in the Journal. of Psychological Science. And they found.

that on average, you've got at least. nine chances every day to practice the. skill of empathy, which is acting in a. way that other people feel understood by. you and cared for by you. Now, some of. these chances might be right in front of. your face right now. Empathy is the. ability for you to meet people in the. moments that matter to them. Whether. they're hurting or they're happy, whether it's positive or negative. And. here's why this is so important.

Every single one of those little moments. can make someone's life better. And when. you are able to leverage this skill of. empathy in these moments instead of. snapping to judgment or avoiding people. or missing the moment, it makes your. life better, too. And so, let's talk. about the four ways, super simple, that. you can practice the skill of empathy. every single day. And this first one is.

ask. Don't guess. Don't guess how somebody's. doing. Ask. And I'm gonna be honest with. you. I got this wrong for most of my. life. See, I always thought empathy was. the ability to step in someone's shoes. and kind of guess how they're feeling. and that's how we're relating. Turns out that's not what that means. Thinking you know what somebody is. feeling is the wrong way to approach.

this. You need to stop guessing and. start asking. Ask more questions. Listen. more. And you and I both do this. We go. through our life on autopilot. We fill. in the blanks about people all day long. How many times have you chocked your. partner's terrible mood up to something? What is their problem? Why are they. always like this? Why are they taking. their work stress out on me? They. clearly don't care. Or somebody at work. somebody at work is not pulling their.

weight. They miss a deadline. They do. something dumb that they normally do. really well and then you think they. don't care about this like I do or your. friend calls with fantastic news and you. say that's amazing and then you. immediately switch topics to something. else. In all of those instances, you guessed. You didn't ask a single question. When you practice empathy, you do the.

opposite. You stop and you ask. And you're saying when you ask a. question, well, tell me more about that. You know, you don't seem like yourself. What's going on? You know, normally you. don't miss the these things. Like, is. there is everything okay? Like, do you. have a lot? like you you don't seem like. yourself. You know, we have a producer. here who once had this editor that was. falling short at work. Like all of a. sudden the work product was falling off. and it wasn't like them and then they.

started showing up late. The editing was. sloppy. He wasn't delivering. What do. you do? You ask, "Is everything okay?". You don't seem like yourself. Everything. okay? Turns out everything wasn't okay. He had been taking care of his sick mom. He was shuttling her to doctor's. appointments and he was trying to manage. all of that on top of a full-time. fast-paced job. And now that our. producer stopped and asked, not guessed,

asked. Because when you guess, you say, "I guess you don't care." When you ask, you go, "Oh my gosh, you got a lot going. on.". And now you know the situation, and now. you're practicing empathy, and you can. figure out a better way to move forward. Empathy is not stepping in someone. else's shoes. Empathy is not mind. readading. Empathy is pausing long. enough to ask the question. That's why you ask because you can't. guess how somebody else is feeling. And.

I'm going to just say it again. I got. this wrong for a very long time because. I, especially as a young parent, thought. I could just understand how my kid was. feeling. And I remember I've shared this. a lot on the podcast because it was. incredibly challenging and heartbreaking. time. Our son was in the fourth grade. He was struggling in school. It's almost. like you could see the light dimming. inside your kid. And we were just.

beginning to understand that he had. dyslexia and disgraphia and executive. functioning issues and ADHD. He felt. like an outsider. And you know, as his. mom, what do you do? Well, when you see. your kid struggling or you see somebody. that you love struggling, those mirror. neurons, they go right off. You start to. struggle, too. You start to worry. And. so, I I did what I always do when I'm. scared. You know what I am? I'm a. bulldozer. I go right into.

problemsolving mode. What do we need to. do? Who do we need to call? What is the. plan? How do we fix this? And in my. mind, I think I'm helping. I love you, Oakley. I'm worried about you. I see a problem. on the surface, so I'm just going to. jump in and solve it. But the attempt to try to help just made. things worse. And I'm sure you've done the same thing. And I skipped over the most important. thing that my son needed. He wasn't a.

problem to be solved. He was a human. being who needed to feel unerstood. And what I needed to do or could have. done and what I hope you will do and. what I'm going to do now is don't guess. Don't just jump in. Stop and ask. I wish. I would have sat down with him even in. fourth grade and said, "Honey, I can see. that this is really hard. Can you help. me understand.

what's hard? What's the hardest part for you? What do you think all the adults are. missing? What is this actually like for you? I mean, just think about how different. that feels on the receiving end. rather than adults running around going, "I know what you need.". Instead, I'm saying, "Hey, you're not. alone in this." And I I I really want to. understand what this is like for you. It shifts everything. It creates.

connection. It makes somebody feel safe. And now whenever I'm in a situation. where I don't know how to help somebody, I don't jump into fixing. And I don't. guess, I ask, help me understand. And it's not just for the hard moments. Help me understand. Tell me more matters. when life is going really well, too. We. miss these moments all the time. When. somebody you love is excited. Oh my. gosh, they got a good grade. They got.

asked out on a date. They won some. award. They had a really good day at. work. They posted that video they'd been. procrastinating on for 3 weeks. Don't. just say great and move on and start. cooking dinner. Pause. Tell me more. That's awesome. Wow. What did that feel. like? Because you don't have to care. about the thing as much as they do, but. you care about them, which is why you.

care that it matters to them. That's. empathy. You know, people don't only want company. and support in their pain. They want. company in their joy. And underneath it. all, when you make somebody's joy even. bigger, you know what you're saying? You're saying you matter to me and your. happiness matters to me, too. So, that's. the first step. The next time you're. around somebody and they're either. feeling a little low or they're feeling.

something good, don't guess. Ask. And. after you ask the question, really. listen. And don't worry about what you're going. to say next because your goal is just to. be there and to understand. Now, let's. talk about the second way you're going. to practice this skill of empathy in. your everyday life. I wrote about this. in the Let Them theory book. I call it. go first. Mhm. Don't sit around and wait. for other people. You go first. You be.

the one to reach out. If you're anything. like me, when somebody comes to your. mind, you think, "Okay, oh yeah, Jesse, I I I really should text Jesse. I wonder. how that appointment went. I should call. my dad. I should congratulate him. Oh my. gosh, I haven't seen her forever. we. really should get together. And then. what happens? You have the best of. intentions, but then you get distracted. Or you. think, oh well, it's like 3:15 and I. only have 5 minutes before I pull into. the grocery store and that's not enough. time to talk to somebody, so I'm not. going to call them. I don't want to. bother them right now. They're at the.

hospital and, you know, I don't want to. be those people that's a real burden. They're probably busy. I'm sure somebody. else has already checked in on them. You. know, it's been so long. Wouldn't it be. weird if I just reached out right now. out of the blue, even though they popped. into my mind? And that's sort of a sign. that I should go first. So then you don't, and I want to be. honest about something. Sending the text isn't hard. Picking up. the phone and making a call, that's not. hard. It's the moment right before you're. about to do it. And how you start wondering,

what is it going to feel like? Is this. going to be awkward, unwanted? Am I. going to interrupt them? Uh am I. bothering them? Are they going to be. weird? Uh should I call them? But. thinking about someone. is not the same thing as showing them. that you're thinking of them. Because. your sister can't feel that text you. never sent. Your college roommate can't hear the. compliment that you kept in your head.

Your husband. doesn't feel the care that comes from. saying, "Hey, you don't seem like. yourself. Did you have a hard day? Tell. me what's going on.". They don't know you were thinking about. calling as you were driving to the. grocery store. So thinking doesn't. count. And if you have trouble with. this, you're not alone. If you're one of. those people that has really good. intentions, but it never translates to. action, I want you to hear from Dr. Adam.

Grant. Dr. Adam Grant is an. organizational psychologist, best-selling author. He is the youngest. ever tenured professor at the Wharton. School of Business in their history. He's also been their top rated professor. for the last seven years. He's written. six New York Times bestselling books all. about motivation, hidden potential, relationships, influence, and he. appeared on this podcast, the Mel. Robbins podcast, and explained this. beautiful concept called pebbling.

And I love this concept and I want you. to learn about it because I know it's. going to stick with you and because. there's this visual thing the next time. you think of somebody, it'll motivate you to do something and. go first and make them feel it. >> I love pebbling. Pebbling. The the origin of the term is there are. there are some penguins that when.

they're courting mates, they will. present smooth, shiny pebbles as a way. of of showing, you know, basically. they're suitable for partnering and. building a nest together. It's a little. gesture that says, "Hey, I might be for. you." The modern digital equivalent of. pebbling is sending other people memes, links, reals, and articles. Pebbling is not about spamming people. with random junk from the internet. It's. about carefully choosing.

a little bit of information that you. know is going to resonate with somebody. else and it says I thought of you. I. know you. I see you. Every pebble is a. bid for connection. There have been now. multiple studies which show that after. you meet somebody new, if a week or a. month later you send them a little. pebble and you say, "Hey, I saw this. this meme of McCauley Kulkin wearing a. shirt with Ryan Gosling on it and then.

Ryan Gosling wore a shirt of McCauley. Kulkin wearing the Ryan Gosling shirt. and I like I know this is your jam. This. is your kind of humor." It just reminded. me of you instantly. that person will. feel closer to you because like you you. got them right. You you remember their. unique sense of humor. And I think that. that's a great way to to strengthen a. bond. It's also a great way to get back. in touch with someone. You reach out to.

somebody who's called a dormant tie, somebody you haven't talked to in two. years, five years, maybe a decade or. more, and you say, "I just finished uh. the new season of Ted Lasso, and there. is an episode that has you written all. over it, and that person really feels. like, wow, first of all, I can't believe. you remembered my taste in TV." So, you've done a memory flex. You you have. said, "Hey, guess what? like I cared. enough about you to pay attention to.

you, but you've also now created a. reason to reconnect. >> I'll give you an example of pebbling in. my life. When my husband buys me the. cheapest bouquet of grocery store. flowers, I'm talking like the $5. bouquet, the little like tiny looking. thing that everybody's ignoring. And he. brings it home and puts it just in a. mason jar on the island in the kitchen. And I see it because what I know is that.

he cared enough about me and was. thinking about me while he was out. running an errand. And he remembered. that I love flowers no matter what they. are. And he took an action. to show me that. A lot of us go to the grocery store and. think about buying the flowers. That. doesn't count. You are not practicing empathy if you're. just thinking about what you could do. You need to make it physical. You need.

to have that little pebble because the. pebble itself is evidence. It's an. action that you cared enough to pay. attention to the other person. Even if. it's a dumb meme. I remembered that you. like this thing. I remembered that we. laughed about this two years ago. And. one of the biggest reasons why we don't. do more pebbling, why we don't go first, is because, believe it or not, a lot of. you think that that gesture is not going.

to be met with warmth and with like. appreciation. And if you're thinking. that that you're feeling a little weird. about pebbling or sending that text or, you know, making the first gesture going. first, I want to share some research out. of Stanford that tells you you're wrong. Researchers studied more than 5,000. undergraduate students and they found. something they call the empathy. perception gap. Basically, that a lot of. us walk around and we underestimate.

how caring, supportive, and appreciative. everybody else is going to be. I'm going. to give you an example. Students guessed. that about maybe 87% of their peers. would help somebody who was having a. hard time. But when students were asked. whether or not they themselves would. help, 96% of people said yes. So what. happens if you start to believe that. like you 96% of people are warm, caring, empathetic, and understanding and would. love to talk to you.

Well, the students started reaching out more. They began to go first. And guess what. happened? Months later, their social. networks had expanded. They were more. like all the things that we're talking. about. So, let's bottom line this. research. The thing standing between you and more. connection in your life, more. likability, is not that people don't. care about you. It's that everybody is. waiting for someone else to do it first.

be that somebody. This is why I say. empathy is for winners. Empathy is for. the strong. Empathy is for people who. are influential. Empathy means you go first. And the next. time somebody pops into your mind, send. them a pebble. You know what to do. And. if somebody tells you something. important that's happening on Thursday, put a little something in your calendar. and wish them luck on Thursday. If they. have a surgery next week on Tuesday, set. a reminder and text them. If you see.

somebody who looks like they could use a. friendly face, just say hello, smile. If. you hear good news about somebody, tell. them you're happy for them. And I want. you, as you start to practice this. second aspect of the skill of empathy, empathy and action, I want you to notice. something. Notice what happens when you. start living this way. because it changes everything. First of all, it changes you because now. you're.

practicing empathy and action. You're. the one giving the pebbles. But it also. changes how people feel about you. because when you give somebody that. pebble or that flowers or that meme, they feel remembered. They feel. included. They feel celebrated. They. feel less alone. Have you ever texted. somebody's like, "Hey, yeah, I remember. today such and such. It's your big job. interview." And they're like, "Really? Thank you. You remembered? Wow. And if you've ever had somebody do that. for you, you're like, "Whoa, you were.

thinking of me?" Isn't it sad that we. all walk around thinking people don't. care about us? Isn't it sad that we walk. around thinking other people are not. warm and kind and appreciative? And here. we all are isolated wanting the same. thing. We want to feel understood and. seen and celebrated. Now, the third way. that you're going to practice empathy is. I call this paper plates. Drop off paper. plates. Let me explain what I mean by.

that. So, there was this extraordinary. expert that we had on the podcast a few. years ago. You may remember her. She's a. licensed clinical therapist and a. best-selling author. And her name is KC. Davis. and she came on to share simple. little things that improve your life. And one of the best pieces of advice. that she shared was what to do to help a. struggling friend. And this advice. inspired me so much. It has changed the.

way that I show up for people in my life. who are struggling. So, let me tell you. first what I used to do before Casey. Davis taught me this paper plate trick. What I used to do when somebody was. struggling or going through a hard time. or they were telling me that they were. going through something hard is I would. be like, "Oh my gosh, you know, I'm. really sorry that that's happening that. that really is awful. How can I support. you?". Or you send somebody a text. Oh, I I.

heard about, you know, this thing that. happened. What do you need? And what. Casey Davis taught me is something I. want you to steal. When somebody that. you love is struggling, do not ask them. what they need. Yes, you can ask them. questions about how they're feeling. Tell me more about that. Help me. understand what's going on. When you ask. somebody who's struggling, well, what do. you need? You know, just tell me what I. can do to support you. Most people are. like, I don't even know what day it is. And here's what Casey Davis says.

Paper plates. Just drop off paper plates, plastic. cups, plastic utensils, because you know. what? The last thing a person needs is a. sink full of dishes when they're going. through a hard time. And those paper plates and those. disposable cups and those disposable. utensils. You know what that says? If. you open up your door and you see that. on a porch with a lovely note, it's not even a pebble. It's kind of. like a giant boulder of love.

It literally says, "I care about you. I I I I don't know what to do, so I'm. doing this." When somebody drops off a. casserole after you've had a baby, what. does it say? Oh my gosh. Wow. They're. thinking of me. That's it. when somebody shows up if. you're really struggling and they just. clean your kitchen or they do your. laundry. You know, I was really really. sick this summer and my husband and I um.

have this annual thing where lots of uh. his college friends who I just love come. into town. and I was in bed all weekend while we. had 14. people here. All couples, amazing. people, many of whom were in our wedding. 30 years ago. And I was in bed sick. And. let me tell you something. Not once did anyone come into the. bedroom and go, "What can I do to. support you?" Instead,

they cleaned the house. They cooked all. the meals. They walked the dogs. It was. like the best weekend you could possibly. be sick because they just took care of. everything. And in taking care of. everything, I didn't have to ask. And. that's why the third way you can. practice empathy. You can display it. It's empathy through action. is. put yourself in a similar situation.

and think what could I do that would. demonstrate support without asking them. what they need. And maybe that just. looks like showing up and sitting with. them. The other thing I love about paper. plates is it asks you to do something. different than you normally do. You're coming to the person with open. arms and you're giving the person in. front of you the response or the support. that truly sees and helps them without. asking them for anything in return.

One of the best examples of this I have. ever heard came from the late Judge. Frank Caprio. Now, you might remember. him as America's nicest judge, and his. kindness in his Rhode Island courtroom. made him a viral sensation with millions. of people following him from around the. world. And I feel so honored that I got. to sit down with Judge Caprio just a few. months before he passed away at 88 years. old. And during our conversation, I.

asked him about his very first day as a. judge in municipal court where most of. the people coming in before him are. dealing with everyday things like. parking fines, traffic violations, and. something happened on that very first. day on the bench that totally changed. the way that Judge Caprio treated people. for the next 30 years. Here is Judge. Frank Caprio on the Mel Robbins podcast. Take a listen. >> I get elected. No, I'm I'm a judge. I. got the robe, right? I'm going to go.

I'm the boss. I'm going to sit on the. bench and this is it now, right? I have. arrived. So, I said to my father, I. said, "Dad, you my first day on the. bench." He said, "I'll come down and. walk." I said, "Good. Come down. Love. you to come down." So, I'm there and I'm. I am really full of myself. I'm a judge. now. Look at me. You know, all rise, please. Everybody rises and so forth. It's so crazy. Oh, this woman, she owed. I know she had a boot on her car.

I don't know what she owed. A couple. hundred hours in tickets and she. couldn't pay them. So I said, "If you. don't pay it, I'm not going to take the. boot off the car.". And she says, "I just don't have the. money. I don't have the money and I have. four kids. It's my first day on the. bench. No one's going to bully me. around, right? So I says, well, you owe. the money and if you don't, we're going. to leave the boot on the car." She said, "I don't have the money. I have to get. my kids to school. So I said, "I'm.

sorry. Uh, continue the case. We'll give you a. couple of days to come in." Right. And. my father's in the courtroom. After court's over, my father comes into. the chambers. I'm so happy. I said, "Dad, how do they go?" He said, "How do. they go? How how did how could you do. that? How could I do what?" He said, "Frank, she had four kids. Now, suppose she can't feed the kids. tonight. If she paid those tickets, she.

has No, she doesn't have a car. She. can't drive them to school. What are you. doing? You weren't brought up that way. My first day on the court, set the tone. of my judgeship of over 30 years. After. that, I took everybody's personal. situation into consideration in the. imposition of a sentence. This woman, she was she was insulting to begin with, but you have to overcome that. >> cuz she was scared.

>> and she was scared to death. Right. Yes. >> As my father said. >> Well, I think she was a gift to you. because you write in this book on page. 110. The lesson was that being a judge. is much more about the person in front. of you. >> than it is about the law. Since then, I've always tried to find out what was. really going on with the person, and I. always considered how my ruling would. impact not only them, but their whole. family. >> Right? Those aren't only words. I did.

that. >> That right there is a lesson. I've. always tried to find out what was really. going on with the person. And I want you. to take a moment right now and think. about what could you do that would. really demonstrate to somebody that you. care. Like think about somebody in your. life. Maybe it's somebody you're worried. about. Maybe it's somebody going through. a hard time. Maybe it's somebody that. just had something amazing happened and. you didn't. comment on their post celebrating it.

What could you do that could make. somebody else feel understood, supported, and seen? That's empathy and. action. And it doesn't have to be. complicated. If somebody has their hands. full, hold the door. If your coworker is. buried, take something off their to-do. list. If your kid is crushed. because they didn't make the team, sit with them.

sit and before you start talking and. coaching and advising and consoling, ask them how they're doing. Don't wait. for them to reach out for support. Show. up. Bring the paper plates. That's it. When you feel that somebody could use. support, provide the support. And that brings me. to the fourth simple way that you will. become more likable and you are.

demonstrating empathy. And by the way, this one's my favorite. Keep on waving. Let me explain. The energy you put out. is the energy you get back. And the. empathy that you display is the empathy. and understanding support that you get. back. The wave that you extend to the. neighbor is the wave that you receive in. return. And isn't it funny? Someone has. to wave first, but once you wave, most. people wave back. And I have to tell you. this story that was reported on by Steve.

Hartman at CBS News. Now, if you don't. know Steve, he hosts these incredible. segments. I love these segments. They're. called On the Road. And in the segment, Steve travels around the country telling. stories just about ordinary people doing. extraordinary things. And often times, it's the simplest things that are. extraordinary. They're the kinds of. stories that remind you of the best in. people. Now, this particular story that. I fell in love with, I sent this to so. many people. It was so beautiful. It's.

about a four-year-old boy in conquered. North Carolina named Roman. Roman loves. people. In fact, Roman had this habit of. standing outside all, you know, in his. front yard waving to his neighbors. He. waves to people walking by. He says, "Hello." He just keeps going first. He. just keeps waving over and over. I see. you. I'm waving at you. I'm smiling at.

you. And there's a reason why waving at. people mattered so much to him. Four-year-old Roman was lonely. His. parents had separated. His dad had moved. to Florida. His grandparents lived out. of state. But Roman Roman just kept on. waving. And eventually, one of his. neighbors, a senior citizen named Wade, noticed this little boy across the. street who was always waving. And one. day, you know what Wade did? Wade walked.

over and introduced himself. And here's. where the story. gets beautiful. Roman kept waving and Wade, who by the. way kind of looks like Santa Claus, kept. crossing the street and visiting and. they started spending time together. And. then guess what happened? As Roman kept. waving, other senior citizens that lived. on the street, other neighbors started.

waving back. And then they started. showing up at Roman's house. And then. you know what Roman did? He started. inviting him to his soccer games. And. you know what they did? They came and. they came to his swimming lessons and to. his open house at school and his. birthday party. And suddenly, you see. what's happening? Roman kept waving and. Wade kept coming back and Roman kept. inviting people in and the neighbors. kept showing up. And now Roman isn't. lonely because he has this posi of.

adopted grandparents that were all. neighbors that nobody knew each other. And here's the thing that's interesting. about this. Nobody did some big enormous heroic. thing. Nothing. It all started with a simple. wave. And Roman, this little boy who had. been feeling lonely, suddenly had an. entire family he had created.

Roman's mom said his loneliness was. gone. But here's the important thing. Was Roman the only person whose life was. changed? No. Simply by waving, by demonstrating. empathy, I see you over there. I I I. want to say hello to you. you matter to. me. By simply doing that, he wound up. bringing together a dozen neighbors who. have all said they would have barely.

known one another otherwise. Don't you. love that? The little boy who needed a. community helped create one. And now. Roman's got all these like chosen. grandparents in his life and these. people get each other. That's the power. of what we're talking about. And it. starts with the smallest thing, a wave, because that's how connection is built. It's not through some of these big. things that you're sitting around. waiting to do. It's through all the. little moments right in front of you.

where you demonstrate to someone else, I. see you. I remember. What matters to you. matters to me. And I want you to think. about the person in your life who's done. that for you. The friend who remembers. the appointment you mentioned 3 weeks. ago. The barista who always asks you. about your kids and they remember them. by name. The sibling who knows an. anniversary is going to be hard this. year. How does that person make you.

feel? You like that person, don't you? You trust them. You feel kind of close. to them. Maybe even tell them things. You like that they're in your life and. your day is better because of them. And the reason why your day is better. and the reason why you like them is. because they are demonstrating empathy. to you. And now you know that you can. demonstrate empathy to them. In fact, you can do it to anyone. If you practice.

these four simple ways to build the. skill and demonstrate the skill of. empathy in your life, I promise you, you. are going to see a difference. everywhere. I think it's pretty clear. why people are going to like you. Because when you show up in life this. way and you stop guessing and you ask. people what's going on and how they're. doing, when you're the one that's going. first, when you bring the paper plates. and show up with the support without.

being asked, when you keep on waving, people like you because they like how. you make them feel. And that's why this. works. Do not underestimate. how much power you have in these tiny. moments. And remember the research. The research. says that you and I get about nine of. these every single day. Nine chances to. make someone else feel like they matter. Nine chances to expand the joy that.

somebody feels. nine chances to offer. support and give support to somebody. who's feeling alone. Empathy is. something you give to another person and. in return you feel better about yourself. and you have better relationships. because every time you make somebody. else feel seen, understood, supported, celebrated or remembered, oh my gosh, you will get that back because it's not. about what you're doing, it's how you. make people feel. And empathy is the.

skill that helps you make other people. feel good about themselves. And when. other people feel good about themselves. because of you, they like you a lot. So. start practicing those four simple. things every single day because what. I've learned about the skill of empathy. is it's not just about what it does for. the other person. it will come back a.

hundfold to you as well. And the better. you get at this, the more that you. practice these four simple things, the. more you're going to like yourself and. the more other people are going to like. you, too. And in case no one else tells. you this today as your friend, I wanted. to be sure to tell you that I love you. and I believe in you and I believe in. your ability to create a better life. And one of the simplest ways to create a. better life is to start creating better. moments with the people who are already.

in it. All righty, I'll see you in the. very next episode. I'm going to welcome. you in the moment you hit play. All righty. Thank you for watching all. the way to the end [music] here at. YouTube. And I know you're the kind of. person that loves supporting other. people. And one way that you could. support me and everybody here at the. show is if [music] that subscribe button. is lit up, just hit subscribe. It's like. a pebble. It tells us, "Wow, you really. appreciate all of this incredible free. content that's [music] here with one. mission to help you make your life.

better." All righty. Thank you for doing. that. I really appreciate it. So does. the team here. And I know you want to. watch another episode. You're going to. love this one. [music] And I'll welcome. you in the moment you hit play.