Give Me 60 Minutes and I'll Eliminate Your Self-Doubt Forever | Benny Blanco and Mel Robbins

Today on the Mel Robbins podcast, the. one and only Benny Blanco is here with. unbelievable stories. >> I would cold call record labels and then. I'd call and I'd say, "Uh, yes. Uh, I'm. I'm I'm calling on behalf of Jay-Z. We. need to speak to uh. >> from his 12time Grammy nominated. songwriting and producing career. Benny. has 29 number one hits. >> Justin Bieber's Love Yourself, Ed. Sheeran's Don't, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Maroon Five. Benny will teach you how to.

eliminate self-doubt. >> You're stopping yourself because you're. scared. And you don't need to be scared. I'm going to look at the camera again. You don't need to be scared. I still. have imposttor syndrome. >> You I still do. >> overcome failure. >> See, I fail all the time. Look, I justed. up just now. Okay. [laughter]. So, that's a that's a perfect Keep that. in. Nobody take that out. >> And reset your mind for success. >> Look at me. I'm not like it's not like. some special thing. I have no special. power. I wasn't born with anything. special. I'm just a normal guy. I get to. the brick wall and I like I like I like.

throw it to the ground. I run. I jump. through it. I might break my neck or. something, but I'm going to die trying. to do it. Here's what you need to do. >> Benny Blanco, welcome to the Mel Robbins. podcast. >> Oh my gosh. [laughter]. >> Are we on? >> We're on. >> Oh wow. Okay, I'm ready. >> So am I. Here's where I want to start. >> Okay. If the person listening takes. everything to heart that you're about to.

share based on your life experience and. your crazy career about the importance. of failure, the importance of how you. handle self-doubt. >> Mhm. >> If they really take to heart what you're. going to teach us today, >> Mhm. >> what the heck could change about my. life? >> I got a few things. One, I'm from. Virginia. I am not from Los Angeles. I. am not from New York City. I did not. grow up with famous parents. I did not.

grow up with a ton of money. I was like. a funnyl looking kid and somehow through. sheer will and not an incredible amount. of talent. I really don't have an. incredible amount of talent. I'm uh not. the hottest guy you've ever seen in your. life, but somehow I married the most. beautiful, talented woman on planet. Earth. I did everything I wanted to do. in my career, and I'm still searching.

for new amazing opportunities every day. Like, look, if you're 54 and you want to. be in the NBA, I'm going to root for. you, but it might be an uphill battle. I'd say almost everything in the world. you can do. you can do most of the. things if you work hard at it. It's just. about getting started. Okay? So, everyone always gives nine million. excuses why they're not going to do. something, why they can't. So, they'll.

they'll say, "Oh, um, I'm going to write. this book, but oh [clears throat] [ __ ]. first I got to get a typewriter. Oh, no. I'm not going to do a typewriter. I'll. do it on my phone." No, no, I got to be. old school and I got to do it uh I got. to write it by hand. And there's by by. then there's it's been three weeks and. you're still figuring out what apparatus. you're going to use to write your book. And it's just about starting now. Start. today. I don't care. Whatever idea you. have, if you have one idea, and it's. usually the idea you're too scared to. tell anyone because you're embarrassed, you're shy, you one, all of the above.

Start doing something to move that from. here to here. I'm asking you to move it. 3 and 1/2 in forward. So just three and. a half inches forward today. If you can. do that, just start to do it. And you. know what? The thing you start off doing. might not be the thing you do in the. end. But you'll probably land somewhere. pretty [ __ ] cool. Like I thought I. was going to be the biggest singer. rapper in the world when I was 11 years. old. That didn't happen for me. But I.

did get to do some pretty cool [ __ ]. along the way. So just start somewhere. You write on the back of this book, I. wrote this book to show you why it's the. key to success, failure. >> Yeah. >> Every hero you've ever had has failed. more times than you can imagine. Nobody. is keeping a scorecard on your life. except you. And if they are, they're an. a-hole. Embrace failure and never look. back. Why do you think it's so hard for people.

to start? Why do we get so up in our heads? What are we afraid of, Benny? >> I think it's really hard for people. to start the engine because there's so. many what-ifs. There's so many things. Well, what if I post this and then my. friends from when I was younger make fun. of me cuz it looks like I'm trying to be. like too reachy or too preachy or too.

this or too that. And then someone says, "Well, what if I post my music video and. it gets zero views?" "Well, what if I. try out for the basketball team and I I. don't make it? I'm and and what if I, you know, go to acting class and they. tell me I'm bad?" People are scared of. being embarrassed. Okay? >> And it's something that we were taught. and it's not true. I.

I fail every day. Okay. I fail every. single day. And one of my friends, one. of my friends told me, he said he was. going through a tough time. He very. successful, had something that failed in. his career, and he like couldn't get. over it. And he said, "You're standing. on a soap box talking about how you're. going to do something, and it's going to. be the biggest best thing in the world.". And you know, 90% of the time it is. He.

said, "But even when you fail, you just. wake up the next day and you just go. about it. You just go about it like. nothing happened." And I I I started. thinking about it and I said, "Well, I. guess I have like a failure to amnesia.". >> What does that mean? Failure to amnesia. >> or amnesia to failure. See, I all the. time. Look, I just [ __ ] up just now. Okay. [laughter]. So, that's a that's a perfect keep that. in. Nobody take that out.

>> I'm not taking that out. Don't you. worry. >> So, I. >> You have an amnesia to failure, meaning. you forget about failure. >> If. you forget about the failure, I feel. like everyone else is going to forget. about it. Like, look like Okay. Okay. Look, >> did you I want to make sure that as. you're listening, you actually heard. what Benny just said. That if you forget. about the failure, everybody else is. going to forget about it. >> Okay. Look this. >> What? Oh, so he's holding a board that. says that. Yeah. Anyone listening, I'm. holding a board that says failure. Okay, this is this is you. This is me. We are.

this board. We are together. We both. have lots of failures. But if we just go. like this and we go like that. and we go like that and you just pretend. that I'm really good at erasing and. there's none of those little specks of. failure there anymore. Right now we have. a blank board. Okay. So, you're looking. at this right now. This is me. You don't. see failure. You see nothing. >> It's so true. But hold on. You know what.

I see when I look at you? >> What? >> Because this is one of the reasons when. we when you and I first started talking. and I think you are such an incredibly. powerful and unique teacher. I really. do. And yet I was like, okay. And how do I get over the fact and. overcome the fact that when somebody. looks at you and sees your career or.

sees you in the public eye and sees all. the accomplishments, there's that. distance that's sort of like, okay, well, you know, it's Benny Blanco. I. mean, what what could he teach me about. like how I'm going to get like happiness. in my life or meaning in my life? Do you. see what I mean? And so people look at. you and only see the accomplishments, but they don't see the failures that got. you here because nobody's looking at. those failures. What do you remember. about Michael Jordan? He dunkked from. the foul line. He scored like the most.

amount of points out of anyone. Maybe. LeBron broke that now. I don't even. know. But at that time it was that. So. you're sitting there, you're looking at. Michael Jordan and what do you are you. counting all his misses? He took the. most shots out of anybody. And it's like. he. He's not he he's not sitting there. saying like, "I took 22 shots today. I. shouldn't take any more. I only made six. of them." No, he's going to shoot the. [ __ ] lights out until he gets what he. wants. And I feel like you, me, we're.

all doing the same thing. I should be. the exact person you're listening to. Look at me. I'm not like It's not like. some special thing. I have no special. power. I wasn't born with anything. special. I'm just a normal guy who works. really hard and gets what I want. Because most people when they get up to. that line where it's just a brick wall. Okay, you're sitting at a brick wall. Most people they get to the brick wall, they go, "Uh, it's a brick wall. I'm. going to turn around." Me, I get to the.

brick wall and I like I like I like. throw it to the ground. I run. I jump. through it. I might break my neck or. something, but I'm going to die trying. to do it. And that's just if you have. the motivation and you just keep going. and you don't let anybody tell you you. can't do something because of this, this, and that. You just you're you can. do it. You can do whatever you want if. you put your mind to it almost. Well, Betty, you know what I find fascinating. is that a lot of at least I for me.

personally, I can see years wasted. waiting for either somebody to pick me. >> or somebody to notice or somebody to. give me permission or the perfect. conditions. And as everybody's been. waiting around for some like other. person, right, to give you the signal. >> Yeah. What it's easy to miss is that the only. person that's actually stopping you from. doing something is you. >> And you're stopping yourself because. you're scared. And you don't need to be.

scared. I'm going to look at the camera. again. You don't need to be scared. Nothing bad is going to happen except. maybe you you you're right where you. started and you just got to keep working. harder at it. And I'll tell you one. thing, I've been at the top and had to. go all the way back to the down to the. bottom and come back up. Has that ever. happened to you? Have you ever been at. the top of your game and fallen down so. far you don't even know where you could. go and then you got to climb all the way. back up? >> Yes. 41, three kids under the age of 10.

We were doing great. My husband was in. the restaurant business. Things went. sideways. We found ourselves 800 grand. in debt. Leans hit the house. I lost my. job. couldn't pay for groceries. I Yeah. >> And what did you do? >> I clo Well, first of all, I drank myself. into the ground and then laid around in. misery and bitched at my husband and. blamed the world for my problems. And. that didn't work. And then I finally got. so sick of where I was. And I got so.

sick of waiting for somebody else to. rescue me. And I got so disgusted by the. spiraling that I was creating and the. envy that I felt watching other people. progress in their lives. Like I. literally got just disgusted with myself. and the stagnation and the self-loathing. that I just had this moment where I just. said if I actually want to change my.

life, prove it. >> Do you remember where you were? >> Yes. >> Where were you? I was lying in bed on a. Tuesday morning, February 2008. >> And then how many things do you think. you tried before things started going. your way? Like how many how many times. did you try to get a job, try to do. this, try to get money? >> It was Do you know I mean it took. every day all day long? That's my life. And you know that's my life. But when. you say that you don't have any special.

talents, >> I I I I really Look, obviously I know. how. >> Convince me because I don't believe. that. >> Okay, here's what. >> Cuz I think it's a special talent to. start, but I think you can teach us how. to do it. >> Yes, I know. if I show up every day. If I just show. up. Okay, that's the first thing you got. to do. Just show up. Okay, I just show. up. Not even I maybe I don't know even. what I'm doing. But if I show up and. eventually if I show up there might not.

be the other guy there and they just. need the next best thing and I happen to. be like it's really not that. complicated. Look, it seems so. complicated. It seems daunting for me. I. started Okay, I had a dream. I wanted to. be a musician, a professional musician. Okay, >> music is going to be my life. And. I just I have no connections. 0.0.

connections. So there's nothing. There's. nothing there. There's no point of. entry. Zero. I can't even go show up. somewhere. I don't know where it is to. show up. >> That's so true. So, I would go and I. would wait outside of recording studios. when I was probably at this point like. 10, 11. And I would go 10 or 11. Yeah. I'd go to a studio. I'd have my mom take. me. I'd go to a studio and I'd wait. outside and I'd wait for a person to. walk out and I'd say, "Do you make.

music?" And that was I would just ask. and then I'd say, "Can I do anything. here? Can I do this? Can I do that?" And. I was just trying to be in the room cuz. if you show up and you're in the room, something's going to go down. Something's going to happen. You're. going to either learn, you're going to. get an opportunity. Like so much of it. is just [snorts] showing up and then. finding the room. Okay, that's the first. two things. >> Okay. And your mom, you figured out. where recording studios are. So you're. showing up. >> and I remember the turning point for me.

is the first form of social media came. out. Okay. And it was called well the. first form that I got was called. MySpace. >> Okay. and I got on MySpace. Okay. >> So, again, showing up. >> Yes. >> Putting yourself in the room. These can. be real rooms. They can be digital. rooms. >> Yep. And we didn't even have a computer. at this point. So, I would do it at. lunchtime in the library and I would do. anything I could to get in touch with.

people. So, first thing I started doing. is I would cold call record labels. Okay? And let's say I was calling. Innercope Records. I would call up and. I'd say, "Is Jimmy Ian there?" Jimmy. Ivine ran Intercope Records. I'd say, "Is Jimmy I there?" And then I would. look up who Snoop Dogg or Tupac. I'd. look up who their lawyer was. I'd look. up online and then I'd call and I'd say,

"Uh, yes. Uh, I'm I'm I'm calling on. behalf of Jay-Z. This is Michael Guido. need to speak to uh you know uh Jimmy uh. immediately and you know half the time. they wouldn't do it but occasionally I. would get put through. Okay. So I'd be. put through to the president of the. company and I'd say oh I'm sorry this. isn't Michael Vto I just want to let you. know this is Benny Blanco. I have all. this music I want to show you. and I'd. get hung up on and but eventually I. started becoming friendly with.

the interns with the people that. answered the phone and I I I you know. and I kept those relationships up till. this I mean my manager my manager of my. career is a person I met when I was 16. years old doing all these same. shenanigans working for people interning. for people and I still am with him. 20some years later and a lot of those. people I first called are now the heads. of companies and and I still have those.

relationships 20some years later and I. started I had no idea what I was doing. but I got up I woke up and I did the. same thing in you. I got out of I got. out of bed. and I just I I start every day myself. I try to make every day the best day I. can for that day. Okay. And the only way. you don't get better is if you don't get. out of bed. And getting out of bed.

doesn't just mean getting out of bed. Getting out of bed means going and. attacking the day. And as long as you. start attacking the day, it will get. better. Thank you to today's partner. Expedia. You know, if you haven't booked. your next trip yet, now's the time. Let. me, your friend, remind you, you deserve. to go do something exciting. Because. travel can make you feel alive in so. many different ways. In fact, research. tells you and me that travel's one of. the most important things that you can. do for yourself, your happiness, your. health. In fact, most people make a big.

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having everything in one app with. Expedia is that you can go from an idea. to booked in minutes. No jumping between. sites, no hassle. Sign in to save. Savings. Expedia, the one place you go. to go places. I want to read to you from. what is going to be a blockbuster. bestseller. This book, I love the color. >> Thank you. >> This is page 72. Okay. Okay. >> Here's a fun fact. You're never going to. feel ready to start. If you wait around.

until you feel prepared or like you have. enough experience or like you know how. it all works, I will come back to check. on you in 5 years and you will still be. standing exactly where you are right. now. Success is not worrying about the. inevitable failure that comes from not. totally knowing what you're doing. It's. about going allin. with so much conviction that everyone. believes you, including yourself, then. rolling the dice.

What does that mean? >> Right before I do something, I get. scared. But it's a different type of. scared. I'm not scared to do it. I'm. just It's about to happen. M. >> it's about to happen and there's that. moment where you go, do I want everyone to know this? Do I. want everyone to know this? Do I [ __ ]. it? And then you just And then you just. go for it. And I'm always. going to go for it because if I believe.

it, if I can sell a dream to myself and. to the people around me, it's. it's going to start work. It's just. going to start swaying in your. direction. Like the gravity will pull. It's going to it's like if you have the. energy on your side and you're moving. forward, even if some things are pushing. you back, eventually you're going to be. able to push through. And it's just most. people. find it hard to do that first push. And.

a lot of people don't believe in. themselves. >> Well, what would you say to the person. who's listening like I want that? Yes. Yes. and I don't believe in myself. Maybe they've been rejected after trying. for a little bit. It's taking too long. And so that self-doubt is really there. What would you say to the person who's. listening who's like, "Benny, I want. that, but I don't know how to start. believing in myself. How bad did the. rejection hurt?" Okay, that's first what. I want to know. How bad was it being.

rejected? Is it bad? Yeah, you ask. someone out when you're a kid and they. say no and you're embarrassed for a few. hours and then you come back to school. the next day and nobody gives a [ __ ]. because a new person got asked out and. rejected. So, first you got to know how. bad did it hurt to be rejected and and. it's I promise you, you're sitting. there, you're talking to yourself right. now and you're saying it's not that bad. in your head. You want to say it's. worse. You really want to say it was.

this terrible thing and I couldn't get. out of bed for 16 years. No, it it. wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad. It. It sucked. It sucked for a second. It. wasn't that bad. Okay. So, rejection's. not that bad. So, that's not your. excuse. Okay. Is it going to be hard? Yeah, it's going to be hard. What? You. You just want to like immediately be the. best at something in the world? No. You're going to have to work at it. Okay. You're going to have to work at it. and you're going to fail and you're. going to have so many barriers and. you're going to have so many times where.

you want to quit, but you're not going. to because you know that if you do quit, you're just giving space for that other. person trying the same thing to just get. right ahead of you. >> Oh god, that's a good one. >> Yeah. >> That the second you quit, you actually. just. >> open the door for someone else. I think what you're talking about is. really interesting because. a lot of people believe that the path to. getting what they want should or will be. easier than it needs to be and it will.

be like let's talk about that like. harder. >> Yeah. Like it's going to be so much. harder. >> than you think it is. >> You're going to work harder than you've. ever worked in your life and you're. going to want to quit. I want to quit. all the time. I'm exhausted. I'm tired. Like we're all tired. Everyone is tired. I'm looking at the Are you tired? Yes. You don't even You're I know you're. shaking your head. Yes. We're all tired. Everyone is tired. I'm tired doing a. thing that I love more than anything in. the world. But I'm I'm tired because I'm. putting in the hours and I'm doing and.

you know, sometimes, look, I I I'll be. for real with you. Sometimes I've been. working all day, okay? >> And I finally get home. I'm exhausted. It's, you know, it's 8. I got to make. dinner. Um Selena's waiting for me. She's been waiting to eat. And yet. sometimes I come home and I'm exhausted. And and and. I know I have to give that to her. because she wasn't she wasn't part of.

that day. She her day is just starting. now with me. Success comes in so many. different forms. And if I get to come. home and I listen to everything she's. saying and she tells me about her whole. day and we get to connect on a deeper. level, like that's a whole different. that's my other that's another sign of. success. I didn't fail. I succeeded, >> you know. >> Well, I I really got something out of. what you just said. I want to hover. right here for a minute. >> cuz you said something that has never. quite hit me that way, >> which is when you get home after a long.

stressful day and you are walking in and. your wife Selena is there. >> Mhm. >> Her day with you is just starting. >> Mhm. >> And after being with Chris for 32 years, >> Yeah. I will tell you that poor man. typically gets the worst of me. >> even though he is my favorite person in. the world and deserves the best. >> But I had never thought about framing it. >> as your kids or your spouse.

>> or your friend or your brother or your. mom, their day is starting with you when. you walk in at the end of the day. >> Of course. Of course. Look, you're not. going to win every time. Like I I've. I've and I I'm competitive until the. thing's over. Like let's say it's like. I'm in a race to get a song number one. or to get number one on the uh the book. charts or I'm I'm going to give it my. all and I'm going to be competitive as. [ __ ] and do everything I can or if I.

want to get that job, I'm going to do. everything I can and then at the end. whether I get it or not, that's the end. I did my absolute hardest. I I put all. the effort I could possibly do into it. and I'm happy. That's success to me. Whether it's technically a failure or. not, that is still success to me. That. is the definition. >> So, do you have a trick? Like if you put. your all into something and then it. doesn't happen. >> Yeah. >> Is there a way you unhook yourself from. the fact that it didn't happen? >> Yeah. I say, "What else could you have.

done? You did every If you do I only am. mad at myself if I didn't do all the. things." Sometimes things don't work. Sometimes it's not the right time, not. the right place. I might I'm not going. to give up on that passion, but I might. have to go back to the drawing board and. say, "Okay, how did this not work?" Like. what what can I do differently this time. to make this work for me? And sometimes. working doesn't mean being number one on. the chart. Like like for me to know that. this resonated with people, for me to.

know this or that. And. I look at it, if I did everything I possibly could do, it's complete. And the only way that. stays a failure and doesn't get flipped. into a success is if I didn't learn from. what happened during that failure. What. I wanted to unpack with you, Benny, is. the fact that it is also hard. to not do it. It is hard to sit in the.

self-doubt. It is hard to say all the. whatifs. It is hard to think about all. the things you could be doing and. watching everybody else do it. And at. some point understanding that either one. doing it. >> Oh yeah. >> or not doing it is hard. >> Oh my god. They're both painful. Everything is Look, that's what I'm. saying. It's like everything. in life.

is going to be hard at some point. That's just how it works. The best. things in the world, you say you have a. kid, you love your kid, something's. going to be [ __ ] hard. You have a. relationship, you love, I don't care if. it's the best relationship in the world. It's hard because two people are fitting. together and two people have completely. different lives and they have to coexist. and live together. Let's say you're. working in a job with, let's say you're. working for someone. It's going to be. hard because you're going to have to do.

things for that person above you. Let's. say that person above you is having a. shitty day and they're taking it out on. you. Like, it's going to be hard. It's. all going to be hard. So, it your. point's perfect because it's like if. it's all going to be hard, at least. do something that's going to have some. relief somewhere rather than just. sitting in a hole that's always going to. be a hole of misery. >> What is this big fear that you got over? >> I wouldn't say got over. >> Okay. >> But, [laughter] okay. So,

[sighs and gasps]. I. was on an airplane. [snorts] in 200. nine. So, I get on the plane, my plane. instantly is a terrible flight. Like, it. couldn't be worse. It's like one of. those flights where no one's allowed to. go to the bathroom. There's no drinks, no anything. >> That's the sign that that things are. dangerous when they don't put the cart.

in the high. >> Well, they had it up at the beginning. and it flew down the thing. So, it's. it's tense. Get off the plane, get on. another plane that's like this big and. and I'm connecting. It's like me and my. three friends and I can like smell what. the pilot had for lunch. And then I I I. tell my manager, I say on the way back, I say like, "I don't know if I can fly. home." And I remember I took a train. home. So I took a train back to New York. from Florida.

>> Florida. >> Yeah. So, and I was like, it was so. annoying. But then I get home and I fly. again a few times. I remember I had a. girlfriend at the time in London. I'm. going to see her. It's okay. Like I'm. okay, but I'm like really on edge. Like. every little bump is like making me. nervous. On the way home, this was back. in the day. I don't even know if it's. like this anymore where like your TV. came out of like a thing next to the. rest or whatever. And I remember I'm on. there, we hit a bump and my TV thing.

just flies off and I'm like I'm never. flying again. At this point, first I. like my brother drives me across country. for the first time and then my uh my. friends did, then I took a train, then I. took a bus, then I started taking a tour. bus and I really never flew again really. after that. I um for how long? I flew a handful of times after 2009 and.

I flew. once in 2018. Then I flew once in like. 2019. and then. I flew once like a week or two ago or. like a month ago. Really? I flew a month. or two ago for this book because I said. if I'm talking about failures and. successes and coming over the How could. I.

not get on a plane? And. I was scared, but I didn't hit the snooze button. I. woke up. I attacked the day and I got on. the plane and then I went and I ate. tacos. Um, but I was scared. I was. scared, but I did it. I was convincing. myself that I was going to do it. I. don't know if I'm cured forever, but I. was still very scared, but I did it. I. did it. And then I I I I I'll tell you. something.

I'll tell you I'll tell you a few. stories. One time I was. [sighs] me and Ed Sheeran were finishing. the Divide album. Okay. And that's like. his album with Shape of You. Perfect. Castle on the Hill. Like so many so many. big songs. and he said, "I want to. finish the album. in my hometown in Suffk, which is on, you know, the coast of like it's on like. the water in in England." So I said,

"Ed, I I don't I I I I don't fly." And he. knew I didn't fly. And he said, "Come. on, man. Just fly." And I said, "I can't. fly." And he said, "Well, what if we take a boat?". So, we took a boat from New York City to. London. and it was 7 and 1/2 days and we watched.

the Titanic on the boat. >> Oh my god, you are a glutton for. punishment. >> And we made we actually made a lot of. the album on the boat. There's a. documentary out about the whole. experience. Um, and and I'm crazy. And I I I still I. wanted to prove I could do this. >> because I like I have to practice what I. preach. But yeah, it still haunts me. It's still hard. It's still I did it, but it was tough. It was really hard.

And I'm going to have to do it again. And I'm going to have to do it again. But yeah, I'm literally taking a boat in. a few weeks to Europe again. again. >> Again, >> how does it feel to know that that fear. is stopping you from. making certain decisions? >> It's It doesn't stop me from making. decisions because I work so hard that I. have to find a way to do it. So, I still. get to whatever destination I need to.

But yeah, it's stupid. Are you kidding. me? It's. >> It's not stupid cuz it's very real. >> It's very stupid. It doesn't It's very. real. stupid and real don't don't mean. like it it's stupid and and sometimes. look I'm not saying. you have to be perfect. I am the. furthest version from perfect that there. is. I mess up constantly. I'm the same. guy who will go in and I'll say. something. I'll say, "Oh, why did I say. that? That was so stupid. I shouldn't. say that." or or all have you know.

always I'm still. I still have imposttor syndrome. >> You I do I. >> I still do. >> like put me at the scene when the last. time you had imposter syndrome. >> When I walked in here today really. >> I'm saying when I walked in and there. was a bunch of people in here. >> the first thing that I said I said ah. why are all these people here for me? this is like, shouldn't they just do. their stuff? And and I got and I and I.

and I started getting embarrassed and. and and sometimes I'll be like always. when I'm doing one of these things, I'm. like, well, why does a person want to. listen to what I have to say? And and I. think that's also part of what helped me. get to where I am today. I just want. people to really know like because it's. very easy for me and Mel to sit here and. say like you're going to do this and. you're going to do that but like I know. for us.

there's always. there's forms of self-doubt. There's. times when we don't feel like doing it. There's times when I wake up and I say. [ __ ] I can't do it today. The point I'm. trying to make is I feel like sometimes. people will start what they're doing and. then they'll regress and they'll have. that moment and they'll say, "Oh, it's. already gone. It's I I I I I stopped. I. can't do it." And it's not true. It's. not true. You're just going to get up. and you're going to work twice as hard. tomorrow. It's not always perfect. And.

that's okay. And it's okay to fail. And. it's okay to be bummed about failing, too. But in the back of your head, you. still got to be like, "Today, I couldn't. do it. I couldn't fight. I wanted to. I. couldn't do it and tomorrow I'm gonna. work [ __ ] three times as hard. >> I want to make sure as you're listening. you really heard something really. important that Benny just explained, which is when it comes to success and. creating the life that you want or going. after goals that you really feel called. to go after. The skill is not that you.

just start and you keep going and then. suddenly it gets easier. The actual. skill that creates the things that you. want is continuing to wake up for. decades and not feel like it. Continuing. to have it be really hard. >> Continuing to question what you're. doing. And the skill becomes showing up. anyway. That's what I kind of hear you. saying that like it's not about that if.

you. >> just keep showing up and you just keep. producing the music or you just keep. posting the videos or you just keep. trying to lose the weight that it's. going to get any easier cuz I don't. think it does. >> No, that's people's biggest. misconception. Look, I'll tell you a. story. >> Tell me a story. >> I. The year is maybe 2015. I don't even. know. I'm so bad with years. I was a. [snorts] really successful producer and. songwriter and I. >> can Can you stop before you tell the. story? Can you just tell the person. who's listening like like what does that.

mean? Like how old were you when you. signed your first record deal? >> Well, I signed my first record deal when. I was seven. Uh 18. Okay. 18. >> My first like real one. Basically, I started writing songs for other. people. Okay. I. had a knack for it, I guess, and I was. able to create most of like the. soundtrack for like. kids childhood from a certain from a.

certain era. I hate talking about. myself, but for all intents and. purposes, I was at the top of the charts. for many many years for writing most of. the popular songs at any given time. Just give the person a couple like cuz. cuz somebody might not know what you're. talking about. >> Hold on. >> You're not talking about kids bop. >> No, I'm going to I'm Guys, this this is. so embarrassing just because I always. forget. I'm going to I'm going to. literally Wikipedia myself. I'll read a. few. Katy Perry I kissed a girl. Katy.

Perry Hot and Cold. Britney Spears. Circus. Uh Kesha's Tik Tok. Kesha's blah. blah blah. Kesha's Your Love is my drug. Katy Perry's California Girls. Katy. Perry's Teenage Dream. Uh, Rihanna, Diamonds, Maroon 5, Moves Like Jagger, Maroon 5, Payphone, um, Maroon 5 Maps, Maroon 5 Animals, Ed. Sheeran's Don't, Ed Sheeran's entire X, entire, uh, Divide album, Justin.

Bieber's Love Yourself, Major Laser's. Cold Water, uh, Senorita by Shawn Mendes. and Camila Cabo there. I mean, I I don't. I'm done. Great. No, no, that that like. gives good context. So, let's go back to. the story now that we have the context. You said it was like 2015. >> We're going even earlier than that. Great. Okay. So, I was really in a good position. Okay. I. had all the success, all these number. ones, and I was finding it hard to get.

the work I wanted. And I was like, why. is this so difficult? And I was like. still running into the same problems I. always thought. And when I was younger. and I was making these songs, oh well. once I have all the hits, everyone's. just going to come to me. I was still. running into the same problem. And. honestly, it was even worse because. people were like, "Oh, well you made any. song you played them has to be the. biggest song in the world because. they're expecting something that's so um. larger than life." And I was on tour.

with Ed Sheeran. Okay. And the Defiant Ones had just come out. by uh Doc, it's a documentary with Dr. Dre and Jimmy Ivine. And I remember. sitting backstage at Gillette Stadium. with Ed Sheeran. And it was his first. time ever playing a stadium show. And. we. were watching Defiant Ones and it just. finished.

and he stood up and he said, "Man, they. did so much in their life. what the [ __ ]. are we doing with our lives? And. literally as he said, "What the [ __ ] are. we doing with our lives?". A man comes backstage and says, "All. right, Ed, you're on." And Ed went and. played in front of 75,000 people. And I. remember right after that, I called my. manager who's right outside, the guy. I've known since I was 15, and I said, "We got to do something different. No one's taking my music. The artists. are changing. that idea isn't. I need to.

put out the music myself. I need to be. the record label, the artist, the. publisher, everything. And two days. before, me and Ed had made a demo. together. And. the demo was the beginnings of a song. called East Side. Okay. And I told him, I said, "Hey, I think I really want to. use East Side for my artist project. I. want to become an artist." And I thought. Ed was going to say, "Dude, what the. [ __ ] are you talking about? just make. songs for us. That's it. And he looked.

at me and he said, "I can't believe it's. taken you so long to do this. You should. totally become an artist." Ed tells me. to do it. The song's amazing. I love it. Go to Ed. I say, "Ed, I want you on the. song." He says, "No." He said, "I'm. putting out my own music for the next. year. Can't have can't be on the song.". And I said, "Okay, one down." I go to Justin Bieber next. I. say, "You got to be on this song." No.

response. Okay. Then I say, "All right.". No one wants to record it. Then I say, "Wait, I think this song should be a. duet." Okay. And I'm at my house one day. and I'm recording Hollyy. And I said, "I got this song that I did with Ed and. I wanted I'm making my own artist. thing." and and she was like, "You're making an artist project?" And I.

thought she was like I thought it was. like going to be like, "What are you. doing?" She was like, "That's awesome. Of course, I'll do it." So within like. 20 minutes, she does her verse on the song. So now I. have one artist on the song. I somehow. get put in touch with Khaled at the. time, and this is like he was really top. of the charts at this point. And I said, I have this song. I want you to be on. it. And he says, "Let's do it." So, he.

records the song. Okay. Then we get to. the point where the song's about to come. out and I send Khaled the song back and. he said, "I hate my vocals. I have to. redo it or the song can't come out." And. I said, "We got one more day. The song. has to be sent to master." with all odds. stacked up against us. We get that done. Okay. So, song is recorded. It's. finished.

I say we're home free. Everything's. good. All the powers that be, all the label. owners, the managers, it gets all [ __ ] up. Song's not coming. out anymore. Okay. Song's not coming. out. We wait more months. Now, we're 10. months after, you know, things were. going to happen. so many start and stops. and I finally get to the point where I'm. about to give up and I have a call.

someone in the deal is not budging and. it's either this way or the highway and. it was something that was unworkable. and I remember everyone was like well we. did it we we gave it our best shot I. said I'm going to call one more time and. I smoothed the deal out immediately. called all my people everyone did it we. finally. get the song out. Okay. Song comes out. and I'm like, "Let's go." And I was. like, and and.

doesn't really do anything. Like it's. like. going, but it's like [clears throat]. and I'm like, "Okay." And then starts. picking up a little bit. Okay. Then a. little more, then a little more. And it. was the longest climb to number one in. radio history. The longest it's ever taken for a song. to get from the bottom to the top. Now I. have my first hit song as an artist. Now.

that long story I took there, that was. just one story in the process of making. an album. And to you, you saw this song. come out be incredibly successful. You. definitely didn't realize all the. conversations I had staying up trying to. get this song to happen. You definitely. didn't. I had so much self-doubt. I was. questioning it all the time. I was. questioning every second of the way. And. then I got there and we did it. And I. could have given up and I could have hit.

the snooze button and I could have not. and I could have looked when failure was. written all over that board that I threw. around. But I just got up and I kept. doing it. And I don't know why I kept. doing it. I kept putting my foot in. front of the other, even if I didn't. know why I was doing it. And then we got. there and we did it. And we did it. And. a thing that was just a little dream. backstage at a show became the rest of. my life. >> I love the story so much, and one of the. reasons why is because.

as you go along the trajectory of what. sounded like almost a 2-year. >> long project, >> almost. Yeah. and. the various points. there was. infinite. infinite moments. where you could have just been like [ __ ]. this. >> Yeah, >> I it this is done. Okay, I got the no. I'm exhausted. I'm not doing this. anymore. And in those infinite moments,

all it takes is one person to still. believe. And that person is just you. And it's one of the things that you've. kind of been saying over and over that. if you wake up every day and say, "I'm. just going to move this song forward 3. in today.". >> Mhm. >> And then I'm going to do it again. tomorrow and I'm going to do it again. tomorrow until I get enough momentum to. make the phone call and inch it forward. three more inches. And what's amazing.

about that story, because I really want. you to sit with this as you think about. where you are in your life, is how many. days you wake up and you're the no and. you're coming up with the reasons why. you can't inch it forward or find. another way. And you know, you talked. Benny about the whatifs, right? And you. sit in the what if and what if what if. and we don't ever ask ourselves, what if. it all works out? What if I make one. more phone call and I can get the deal.

done? What if I ask one more time? What. if it works? >> My mom, you know, she never chased her dreams. Never. My mom worked as a person who set. up the jewelry at like JC Penney and. Macy's. Her she eventually landed in a. job that she did like where she worked. at an assisted living home and she was. giving back to people. I asked her, I. said, I I said, why didn't you chase.

your dreams? You know, when she was. younger, she was a model and then she. painted and she had all these dreams and. she said, I wasn't taught to believe. when you went to school, you went to. school, they told you you're supposed to. do this, you're supposed to get a job, and you're supposed to not make a mess. You're not supposed to make the world. tries to tell you not to make a mess. They try to be really clean and you got. to do as you're told and you got to get. your job and then you got to go here and. then you got to do this and then for 30.

years you work and then maybe you'll get. social security and there's like they're. telling you all these things and we're. just supposed to sit back and take them. at face value and just listen. The. reason why I want this book to happen is. because I know there's so many people. out there that have ideas, thoughts, concepts, uh musical ability, acting. talent that can make the world a better. place and and and and inspire us and.

change us. Thank you for saying that. because I do get both sad and frustrated. because I see that inside every single. person there is this untapped potential. There is a story to tell. There is a. song to sing. There is a book to write. There is a a difference to make. There's. something to build, to create, to. connect with. And I think it is so sad. And I and I say sad because I can see.

now looking backwards, Benny, the. decades, the decades. where I was the one who was in my way. I. was the loudest no. I was the one saying. it's not going to work. I was the one. saying not you, not now. Who do you. think you are? What are people going to. think? That I was the one that blocked. it. And I think for a lot of us. that is the biggest barrier to starting.

and you'll never believe if you don't. actually see yourself start taking that. first step. You know one of the things. you talk about Benny is that life is. like a stool and that there are three. legs to really focus on and I think this. is really helpful particularly if. everything feels overwhelming. >> Okay. I have. a stool here. >> Yep. So. your life. is this stool. Okay. So.

this is success. This is this is the end. goal. Okay. Now you have three legs. A. stool is made of three legs. Okay. Now. Mel, when you're when you're thinking of. what three things are that make up your. life, what what are they? You know, most. people say, you know, like career, relationship, self-care, health, whatever it is, whatever your three are. What are your three? Just just you. It.

doesn't have to be the same as mine. >> Oh, well, it would definitely be like. relationships and family kind of. >> Okay. So, family is right here. >> for sure. >> Okay. >> Uh the other one would be like it would. be really about like purpose and impact. So, it's kind of career. >> Okay. You know, like Yeah. And impact. >> Purpose and impact. >> Yeah. And then the uh third would be. health. Cuz if you don't have your. health, you don't have a life. >> Okay. Health. I don't have three arms, but I'm I'm grabbing all these stool. these these these uh legs. Okay. So,

let's say let's say you're crushing it. You own a company. You're you have the. [ __ ] Ferrari, the Lamborghini, everything's good, but your kids hate. you. Okay. So that's your that's that's. that's the relationship in family. Okay. Your kids hate you. Okay. So now I'm. going to let go. Okay. What just. happened? >> Uh your life sucks. >> Your life is sucks. Okay. Now we're. we're we're pulling this back up. In. life when you can get that combination.

of the three, then nothing stopping you. Nothing nothing in the world. And it's. and and I I I recently got that. I. recently got that in probably the last 5. years. And I feel more stable. >> than I ever have in my entire life. And. if all those those little pegs, those. legs are strong, >> then you're rocking. If they aren't, you.

got to realign. Sometimes you got to. step back. You got to get up and do my. method. You got to do whatever it is to. realize. that it's not working. >> Yeah. Everything can wait until I get. this back in balance. >> Exactly. >> That's your method. I want to read to. you from your best-selling book. This is. page 108. And it's really about timing, >> okay? >> And the importance of timing. Everything. in life is about timing. My relationship. with Selena is another great example. We. first met about 15 years ago. We worked. together five or 6 years after that and.

then again five or 6 years after that. and had a casual friendship during the. time. Then we started dating a few years. after that. Now she's my wife. We always. talk about how it never would have. worked out if it were at a different. time or place in our lives because. neither one of us would have likely been. ready. So, what had to change about your. life in order for the timing to be right. and for you to be ready to have the.

relationship that you have now? >> I had to figure out that work life. balance. I was. filling up. the career side a little too much. Um, I had to. get healthy and that means physically, mentally, all of that. Um, I had to. understand myself. M.

>> I think I also. had to learn um I was always. I always wanted to do so much. I wanted. to. fulfill my destiny. I had so many things. I wanted to do and I realized. over time it doesn't have to happen. overnight. It can honestly sometimes. waiting and and and and getting there. slowly makes it even better when you get.

to the finish line. >> So, was it even on your radar? I mean, you guys knew each other for 15 years, which I find to be really interesting. >> No, she asked me out. There's imposter. syndrome. I I didn't even think of it. I. wasn't even on my radar as if it would. be a date. And then when we were on our. first date, she's like, "Well, I I. wouldn't have worn this if it was our". And I said, "De?" Oh, wow. Okay. And. then then I'm thinking about it like. that. No, it wasn't even I always think.

those are the best type of relationships. when you're friends with someone and. you know them and then once you are. there, it's like there's not too much. learn. Like it's always so scary. starting a new relationship. It's like. being with a new therapist. It's like, oh, I got to tell I was already with. someone. They know my backstory. What? I. got to I got to catch you up to 38 years. of speed. So, it's like so she already. knew she knew me at obviously didn't. know me deeply like that, but she knew.

me and there was there was a rapport. there. So, it made it easy and. comfortable. >> How did you get clear about what you. actually wanted? cuz you said something. that struck me about like really. understanding how you wanted to love and. be loved. >> I wrote a list with my therapist. >> You did? >> Yep. My therapist. We made a list. >> of what? >> I'll tell you exactly what we did. We. I said, "I really want to find the right. partner and I'm doing something wrong.

I'm I'm doing I can't find the person. that I'm going to spend the rest of my. life with, and I want to do that. and we came up with some guidelines and. a list. Okay. First, he said, "I want. you to write down what you think your. ideal partner should be." Okay. >> Mhm. >> The first thing on my list was age. appropriate. Okay. So, I wanted to date. someone that was the I I you have to be. very honest with yourself and I said, >> I have never had that on a list.

[laughter]. I mean, that is like. >> So, that was that was I I age. appropriate. Okay. Okay. Then. the second thing on my list was um. someone who's nice, nice, caring, compassionate, like someone who's a nice. person. Okay. The third thing on my list. was I wanted someone who woke up. generally happy, who wasn't so sad when. they woke up. And if they were sad, they.

were doing something about it. like they. were going to therapy. They were taking. medicine if they need to. They were. doing yoga. They were actively trying to. cuz sometimes people just wake up sad. That's just part of how it is. Um. and and I had a list of things and these. were like broad things. It wasn't like I. want their like left toe longer than. their right. Like these are like broad. things and if it didn't meet those like. first five or six things couldn't even. pursue. Don't waste your time. Don't.

don't waste your time. Wow. I I want to. just broaden this to the person. listening because as I hear this story, I can't help but think what would be on. my list. >> Yeah. >> And as we think about taking on this. exercise, because it's true, you can get. so focused on the outside or the. chemistry or whatever it may be that you. don't stop and think on an average. Tuesday, >> yeah, >> who is it that I want to be with and. what does it feel like and what's. important to me? And I'm not sure a lot. of us have ever stopped to write that.

down. So, if you had to give if you had. to give some counsel to the person who's. listening about like guidelines about. the list, what would you say? Okay, if. you're going to do this, >> cut off all the people right now that. you know aren't on that list. Even if. it's easy, it's something like for your. sake and for their sake, cut off all the. people that don't make the list you're. about to make. I think you need to find. someone that's both nice to themselves. and nice to you. >> Okay? I think you need to find someone. that you can imagine spending the rest.

of your life with. Like you have to. you're you're essentially trying to find. your best friend. Okay. Does that person. make you laugh? Can you be fine staying. home and not going out with any of your. friends and not having FOMO because. you're with the best person in the. world? Cuz I know I can. I know I could. let everything else in the world happen. and it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. I'm with my best friend. One of the. things I love about this recommendation. of making a list is that you mentioned.

that a lot of people struggle with. feeling worthy and so you end up. settling for somebody that doesn't treat. you that well. The simple act of making. this list and. allowing yourself to consider what you. actually want is an act of saying I'm. worthy of it. So Benny, I if the person. who's listening. >> Yes. takes. one action after.

listening to everything that you have. taught us and shared with us today. What. do you think the most important thing to. do after listening to this is? >> I want you to do a few things. I don't. want you to do one thing. I want you to. write after right after this is done. Okay? I want you to either grab a pen, paper, your cell phone, however you want. to write things down, your laptop, and I. want you to make a list of something you. want to do. Maybe it's one thing, maybe. it's 10 things, maybe it's 20. I want. you to make a list of some things you.

want to do. And I want you to pinpoint. just one you're going to focus on right. now. Okay? If one comes to mind, 20. comes to mind. Find that one you're. going to focus on. Okay? Then I want you to make another list. of the first things you have to put. together to to get that moving in the. right direction. Then I want you today, not tomorrow, today.

go like this and move it even a. centimeter forward. Okay? And then just. keep that same momentum. And you know, some days you might let it sit still or. it might go back one inch, but I want. you to keep doing that. And I promise. you, I promise you, you will be in a. better place than you were before you. started. this podcast. >> What if it all works out? >> Not what if, it will all work out.

>> That's true. Especially if you don't. quit. Like I think that's actually the. secret. It works out if you don't quit. Like you can't fail if you don't quit. You can't. You can't. You might still be. working at the same thing for a while, but you're not gonna fail. >> That's right, Benny Blanco. What are. your parting words? >> Try to do what you want that's going to. like fulfill you. And don't just go. along with what you were taught to by. like some archaic thing in a textbook. And yeah, be yourself cuz everyone else.

is taken. >> Benny Blanco. >> 5 4 3 2 1 [laughter]. Oh my god. There he goes everybody. Benny Blanco. And before I sign off, I. want to make sure I acknowledge you. Thank you for hitting play. Thank you. for listening all the way to the end. I. am so excited that you got to experience. this. [music] And thank you in advance. for sharing a little Benny Blanco wisdom. with everybody in your life. [music] And. one more thing, in case no one else.

tells you this today, as your friend, I. wanted to be sure to tell you that I. love you and I believe in you and I. believe in your ability to create a. better life. There is no doubt in my. mind that there was something very. specific that Benny shared today that. was exactly what you needed to hear. right now. So, go do it. All righty. I'll see you in the very next episode. I'm going to welcome you in the moment. you hit.