A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want | Jay Shetty

You're not stuck. You're actually. grieving a past version of yourself. There's an identity, an idea, a mindset, a behavior, an attitude that is keeping. you held back. So, reality has moved on, but you've held on, and that's what's. keeping you stuck. And once you let go. of that, once you open and release your. hands, all of a sudden, you feel free. I. am just blown away. You can hate where. you're at. Yes. and still gain all the.

skills you need for your future. That. mindset shift is how do I turn a place. of misery and pain and potentially. suffering into a place that becomes the. launch pad of my life. This is the place. where I take off from. When you're. feeling stuck, you might not be able to. change what's around you. So, change how. you view it. There is no rose in the. world that grows the day you plant the. seed. It takes months, sometimes even.

years, for a tree to have a beautiful. fruit or a beautiful flower. If you're. feeling like you're caught in a spiral. of the same thing after the same thing, life is trying to teach you. something. Go to the school of life. Jay, I think when things feel dark, the. job in life is to glow. And uh you've. definitely taught me how to do that. So before we get into this episode, the. team here at the Mel Robbins podcast.

shared some data with me. You know, I. love my data and research. 57% of you. who watch the Mel Robbins podcast here. on YouTube are not subscribed to this. channel. And here's the deal. I would. love to get that down to 50% subscribers. by the end of the year. So if you're. enjoying the show and you love the. guests that we have on, like the one. we're going to have on today, just tap. the subscribe button. It's free. It's. the best way for you to support the show. and to support me. And I promise that I. will keep making this show better for. you every single week because my team.

and I, we're listening to your feedback. We are bringing you the guests that you. want to hear from. We're covering the. topics that matter most to you. So, we're going to continue to show up for. you. Thanks in advance for hitting. subscribe and showing up for me. All. right, you ready? Let's dive in to. today's episode. Hey, it's your friend. Mel and I am absolutely thrilled that. you are here. The conversation today is. going to be extraordinary. You know, it's always such an honor to spend time. with you, to be together with you, and. if you're a brand new listener, I also.

want to take a moment and personally. welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast. family. I'm thrilled that you're here, and I'm thrilled that you hit play on. this particular episode because it's. going to be extraordinary. It's going to. be exactly what you need to hear. And. because you hit play on this episode, I. already know something about you. I know. that you're someone who values your time. because you're making time to listen to. a conversation that will give you. greater clarity, purpose, and direction. I also suspect that you're looking for.

some answers, for a way to make sense of. what's going on in your life and for. guidance on how to move forward. If. someone sent you this episode, I want to. take a moment and point something out. that's really important. You have people. in your life who love you and they want. you to experience this conversation. because they are certain that what. you're about to hear will change your. life. It'll open you up to bigger. possibilities. And I want you to really.

listen today and take in everything that. you're about to learn. Because if you. do, time will slow down. Your heart will. soften. Your guard will drop. Your mind. will expand. And you will know with. every cell of your being that what. you're hearing today is meant just for. you. Because it is. J. Shetty is a. person who is so hard to define because.

the impact that he has on people's lives. transcends a label and it is truly. global. I consider Jay to be one of my. closest friends, especially in this. business. To the world, he's known as. the host of one of the most successful. and award-winning podcasts on the. planet. I'm talking about OnPurpose with. Jay Shetty. He is also the number one. New York Times best-selling author of. two books, Think Like a Monk and Eight. Rules of Love, which have been.

translated into over 47 languages. Jay. is also the chief purpose officer for. Calm, the wildly, wildly popular. meditation app. He is a former monk who. has reinvented himself over and over. again. And his work and his life are. going to help you find greater purpose. and meaning in yours. Please help me. welcome the remarkable Jay Shetty to the. Mel Robbins podcast. Oh my gosh, Jay.

Shetty in the house in Boston. This is. just I have been waiting to welcome you. in here in person. Jay, my friend, I'm. so excited you're here. Mel, you're the. best. and seeing your entire team and. your beautiful studio space. I mean, it's incredible when you get to see your. friend's place of genius and I feel so. lucky to be able to walk into it today. and it truly is infused with all your. energy. So, it's so beautiful to be. here. I'm so grateful to be on your.

incredible podcast. The way you've been. serving and showing up for people and. truly putting your heart there. And I. want people to know, not just in the. last 24 months, for decades of just. showing up for people privately, personally, publicly. It's incredible to. watch and I'm grateful to be your. friend. So, thank you. Oh, Jay, you're. going to make me cry. Thank you. Oh, so. that Okay, I got to pull myself. together. I would love to start by. having you speak directly to the person. who is with us right now. How might they.

feel different if they take everything. to heart that you're about to share with. us today? wisdom that you've learned, lessons that you want to share, mistakes. that you've made, what could change. about their life. I believe if someone. really listens today and then reflects. and then applies what we share, I. believe their mind will become their. best friend, not their worst enemy. I. believe that time will feel like it's.

full of. possibilities, not just full of. pressure, which is what we so often feel. with time. And I really believe that. their. life will feel clear and less foggy and. less undecided and they'll actually know. their next move, their next step. Maybe. not the whole picture. maybe not this. big idea of the future that we all seem. to over overwhelm ourselves with, but. they'll know their next step, their next.

move, and they'll feel confident and. secure that it's the right step. So, I'd. say that's what they'll get from. listening today and reflecting and. applying. I couldn't help but notice. that you said listen and reflect and. then at the end you said reflecting. Why is that so important to not just. listen and then do, but to actually take. that moment and reflect? Well, here's. the interesting thing, Mel. I think what. we don't realize is that there's. actually five steps from listening to.

change. What? Yeah. There's five in. between, but they're very simple and if. we actually follow them, we're. guaranteed success. So, the first is. learn. The fact that people are. listening to us today, the fact that. people follow you, they read your books, they may listen to mine, they get the. opportunity to learn. But what's the. difference? We know lots of people that. learn but never get to change their. life. So what's going wrong? What's the. missing part? After learning, we have to. experiment. You've got to try this out.

You may try it out tomorrow and it may. not work. You may try it out on. Wednesday and it will work perfectly. You may try out in a week and then. there'll be a little dip. So experiment. with it. Don't feel like it's going to. be perfect tomorrow. Play with it. Have. fun with it. And then the third step is. perform. Once you've experimented, you. get into a groove. You start to feel it. working. You start to notice in your. body. Your mindset feels different when. you wake up in the morning. Now you. don't have to do all the conscious stuff. anymore. It's kind of unconscious. And. then finally, there'll always be.

struggle just before you're about to. unlock this new level of greatness. And. then finally, there's thrive. So to me, that reflection process is those three. steps in between of experimenting, performing, and struggling. It's the. ability to try something out, then. reflect back and go, wait, how could I. have done that 1% different? How could I. have done that 2% different? What do I. need to shift? And as soon as you start. doing that, you start enjoying. reflection. So reflection is not just in. the mind. It's something you're.

practicing. It's something you're. experimenting with. I've never heard. anybody explain it that way. I love. that. Well, it makes so much sense. because you're right. Like I think you. can hear an idea and you can try it once. and then if it doesn't feel the way you. want it to feel, most people stop. Yes. And I've never thought about the fact. that if you don't actually know that. trying something and then reflecting on. what worked, what didn't work, tweaking. it, experimenting, as you said, you're. always going to stop. Absolutely. Absolutely. And by the way, isn't it.

just the case, Mel, that even something. that you've done for years, you still. need to keep experimenting with it? So. just because something worked last year. doesn't mean it's going to work this. year. You've got to keep that process. going and that's what makes it fun and. alive and it doesn't become routine and. monotonous. And so I love reflection. being in action. You know Jay, so many. people look to you because you have. written just incredible blockbuster. books. You have millions and millions of.

followers. Your podcast is the podcast I. listen to. Your podcast is the podcast. that inspired me to get into the. podcasting space. No, you're gonna make. me cry. And so, no, I'm serious. And so, I think it's I think there are times in. your life, and you've certainly felt. this way, where you're really lost and. unhappy and you feel stuck. And I know. you've been there. And so I would love. to just before we kind of dig into. specifics and unpack some of the lessons. from your life, what would you say to.

somebody who really does feel kind of. lost right now or stuck or doesn't know. what their next move is? And how do you. want the person who feels that way to. think about that moment where you feel. like you don't know what to do next? I love what you asked there because you. said, "How would you like someone to. think about that moment?" What I'd like. people to remember is that you're not. stuck. You're actually grieving a past. version of yourself. So, there's a part. of you that's died that actually you.

left behind a long time ago, but there's. a part of you that still misses it. You. still want things to be the same. You. still want things to be that way. And. that keeps pulling you back. And that's. actually blocking you from making the. next move. it's stopping you because. life used to be this way or life used to. feel this way. And so we're stuck not. because we don't know what to do next. We're stuck because there's a part of us. that wants to hold on to what we have. here. There's a beautiful Zen teaching. that says what's holding you back is.

what you're holding on to. And I think. if people think about that for a second, what are you holding on to that's. holding you back? What are you clinging. on to that's keeping you stuck? There's. an identity, an idea, a mindset, a. behavior, an attitude that is keeping. you held back. And once you let go of. that, once you open and release your. hands, all of a sudden you feel free. So. what identity, what habit, what mindset, what.

expectation are you letting yourself be. held back by that if you were to let go. of, you could easily move forward? Can you give an example? You know what. I'm saying? Because I I think I. understand what you're saying. Like I'm. trying to think about um a scenario. where uh let's say somebody is at a. moment in their life where there's a. change. You have gone through a breakup. or maybe you've raised your kids and. they've launched and now you're trying. to figure out your next chapter. Maybe.

um you just lost your job and now you're. like, "Oh my god, what do I do?" What. are the kinds of things that people hold. on to that you may not realize you this. is what you're actually holding on to? Yes. Uh, so all three examples you gave. apply. If you've raised your kids and. they've left the house, there's a part. of you that misses what the home felt. like with their energy. And now you. spend all your day thinking about all. the memories in the corners. You look in. this corner and you remember your child. growing up. You look in this corner and. you remember Christmas dinner. You look.

at this place. So you're you're. constantly surrounding yourself with an. identity that no longer exists. So, you. don't have the time or the energy or the. presence to be able to even think about. what comes next because there's a part. of you that still feels affected. If you. go through a relationship breakup, you. keep looking at pictures of when you. went on vacation. You keep looking at. the pictures of when you had your first. date. You keep looking at the um. memories of maybe it's a clothing piece. of clothing, maybe it's an item at home,

whatever you're surrounded by. So, you're still living as if you're still. dating that person in your mind. And so. that's all holding on to something that. is an identity that's already moved on. in life. Your kids have already moved. on. They're at college or they're. getting engaged. Your ex has already. moved on. They're in a new relationship. or they're alone. So reality has moved. on, but you've held on to the piece of. clothing, the memory, the photo, the. whatever it may be. And that's what's.

keeping you stuck. So my question to. everyone is, what is that thing for you? And how do you learn to release it? That's the focus. I think we think we're. stuck because we don't know what to do. next. No, we're stuck because we're. still holding on to what's behind us. And as soon as you release it, you. propel yourself forward. Have you ever. felt that before and you're holding on. to something really tight. If you let go. of it, all of a sudden you feel. momentum. Momentum doesn't come from. knowing where you're going. It comes. from knowing that I don't want to be. here anymore. That is so important. because so many people stay where they.

are because they don't know where they. want to go next. And I always say, well, actually, if you can be honest with. yourself and say, I just don't like how. my life feels anymore. Yes. You're. already moving in a new direction. because you're moving away from what's. not working. I have one more example to. give you because what you just said was. brilliant. It I it you have this. ability, Jay, to just take wisdom, philosophy, psychology, and make it so.

immensely obvious that I both feel. inspired and sort of like an idiot that. I didn't see it, you know, myself and. I'm torched. But no, I have one more. example to give you about this feeling. of being stuck because there are so many. people that have artistry inside. themselves whether it's wanting to start. a YouTube channel or it's wanting to uh. become a singer or it's wanting to uh. express themselves on social media or. it's wanting to learn how to market.

themselves better on social media and. yet there is so much. resistance to putting yourself out. there. And so in this paradigm where. we're talking about holding on to. something and grieving who you used to. be, if somebody is actively fighting. against their deep internal desire to. start putting themselves out there in a. new chapter, whether it's marketing a. business or starting a YouTube channel. or performing and singing on whatever it.

may be, what is it that you're holding. on to? It's the identity and the. reputation that that identity is built. Okay. Say more about that. Yeah. So, it's saying, well, I'm a teacher. I. can't be a social media creator. I'm a. teacher. That's what my friends know me. as. That's not what my students know me. as. That's what my parents uh know me. as. That's what my kids know me as. How. can I be a teacher and be a social media. creator? It's not possible. Oh, I'm a.

nurse. How can I be a nurse and a. podcaster? that that can't be the case. What do I have to offer? I'm a nurse. And by the way, that's what everyone in. my social circle knows me as. So now if. I record a podcast, they're going to. look at me and think, "Wait, what does. she have to say? What are you going to. teach the world? Oh, I'm a mom. I can't. be a mom and own a Tik Tok shop. I don't. know how to do that. I I didn't go to. business school. I didn't So this is. what we do." And the real reason is. because our social circle has validated.

or at least approved that current. position. Everyone in our social circle. knows what that means. They recognize it. and they understand it. As soon as we do. something that people don't understand, we're scared that they're not going to. like us. And as soon as we think they're. not going to like us for doing something. they don't understand, we leave behind. what we love because we say, "Well, I. can't do it if they're going to. misunderstand me. I can't do it if. they're going to dislike me. I have so. many friends right now, Mel, honestly, that are scared to put out a video.

because they feel the pressure from. their own friends. People are not. feeling pressure from the world. People. are usually not worried about the. comments that will come many years into. being a creator. It's the people around. us that we're most worried about. And so. the only way we let go of that is. recognizing and building this identity. and insight that I can be a teacher and. a creator. I can be a nurse and a. podcaster. I can be a mom and own an. online business. I can be two things at.

once and I don't need anyone else's. permission. And by the way, when I pull. it off, even then they won't understand. So it was never about them. understanding. It was always about me. focusing on what I love. Uh, you know, I. I know that I've had like so many career. changes. I sometimes feel like I'm a. cover band for ABBA doing costume. changes. Like it's not a resume. It's. like a choose your own adventure. But. you have had so many twists and turns in. your career. You you literally went from. university to a massive like consulting.

job to pursuing like spiritual training. as a monk to then deciding having an. epiphany. And at every one of those. moments, there was that pressure that. you're talking about where you have to. make a call that who you are and how. you're living your life no longer feels. right. And then you but you have always. made the turn. Yeah. And so can you just. like quickly kind of tell us a few of. those moments so that the person.

listening understands that at any single. moment you are literally one decision. away from turning your life in a. different direction and talk a little. bit about what holds you back when that. resistance shows up like I can't leave a. consulting job. Thank you for saying. that. And the idea is everyone needs to. become a professional quitter, right? It's like we need to get really good at. quitting. And as I'm listening to you, I'm thinking back.

to I remember when I decided to become a. monk, pretty much no one around me. understood why. I remember when I. decided to leave the. monastery, pretty much everyone around. me didn't understand why. When I decided. to get a job in consulting after being a. monk, people were like, why? When I. decided to leave my successful. consulting job to try and make videos. online, people were like, why are you. doing that? Then when those videos.

became successful and I decided to. launch a podcast, I. had three podcast production companies. tell me, "Jay, people like listening to. you for four minutes. No one wants to. listen to you for an hour. don't launch. a podcast. So we launched the podcast. anyway and thanks to the millions of. people that listen to you, that listen. to us, that know us, that became a. success. So I always listen to people, not the executives in the room. Then I. wanted to launch a book, Mel. And I went. to launch a book and 14 out of 17.

imprints told me, "Don't call it Think. Like a Monk because no one wants to. think like a monk." Five years later, the book sold millions of copies. Again, thanks to those people, not the people. in the room. Why am I sharing all of. that? Because I didn't know what the. future held. It's not that I had a. really clear view of exactly where I was. going or that when I left the monastery, I knew I'd be here today or that when we. launched the podcast, I knew I'd be. here. And I want to get that thought out. of people's heads that if I don't have. the full life mapped out and planned out.

that I can't take the first step because. I don't think I've ever known where my. life's going. And so this whole idea. that you have to have everything figured. out before you take your first step is. the biggest lie we've been told. This. idea that if you don't have a clear. vision, you don't know where you're. going. It's the biggest lie we've been. told. How could anyone possibly have. every step mapped out? Tell me one. person that we know in the world, anyone. you look up to that could tell you they. meticulously knew every single step.

They didn't, but they took that first. step. And I think that's what's holding. us back is this idea that I have to know. everything before I do one thing. What. is the one thing though? Because I think. that's the thing that's confounding. until you actually figure out the riddle. in life. Yeah. Right. Yeah. It's sort of. like you can't explain to somebody what. it feels like to be married. Until. you've done it. Yes. You can't explain. to somebody how. shockingly simple things can be until. you've learned how to push through your.

own resistance to the things that you're. interested in and curious about. experimenting with or trying. And so for. somebody that's never even considered a. possibility for themselves beyond. consulting or beyond uh where they're at. right now or beyond the major that they. had or beyond the city that they live. in, what is that first step? And is. there a way if you're not even in touch. with what it feels like to be pulled. towards something new to identify it in.

yourself? Because I think that's one of. the things that you do for people. You. help people see a bigger possibility for. themselves. And it took me a long time. to go from simply surviving and trying. to pay bills and get through the day to. understanding that there's a different. way to wake up and be tapped into the. signals and the energetic things that. pull you in different directions because. I think that's what you're talking about.

when you say all you need to do is take. one step. Yes. The step I'd say in the most practical. way to make it really really simple for. people and get away from any. philosophical idea is it's actually not. about falling in love with something new. or finding something else. It's about. extracting and learning every possible. thing from where you are right now. Whatever job you're in. But I don't want. to do that, Jay, because I hate the. thing. But that is the thing. You can.

hate where you're at. Yes. and still. gain all the skills you need for your. future. When I was a consultant, I knew. I did not want to be a consultant for. the rest of my life. But I learned so. many incredible skills from consulting. that are so useful today. Whether it's. negotiation, whether it's communication, whether it's presentation, whether it's. connecting with clients, whatever it may. be, there were so many skills. If you're. working in a school, I promise you there. are so many skills in that school that. are available that if you start.

learning, all of a sudden that place you. hate becomes a place that becomes a. stepping stone for your next step. So, is there a mindset shift shift like from. I hate this dread? Like there have been. parts of there have been times in my. life where I literally you're heading to. work, you're just like I do not want to. walk through the door and actually have. to be there today. So is there a mindset. shift that you would advise us to just. hold on to? Yes. Because it shifts the.

experience of being where you are. What. is that mindset shift? If you're going. to spend 8 to n hours, maybe more, at. work every day, it's not great to walk. in and think that for 9 hours a day, your mind is programming your thoughts. to say, "I hate being here. I don't want. to be here. or I can't wait to get out. because you've wasted nine hours of your. day that could be used in building the. next thing. So, the mindset shift is I. do hate being here. I'm going to accept. that. I'm going to acknowledge that. I'm.

not going to lie to myself, but I'm. going to take everything I possibly can. from this opportunity because it is a. part of my story and it is such a. powerful part of my story because this. only makes the story better. I'm going. to learn from a place that I hate and. I'm going to learn everything I possibly. can. And so that mindset shift is how do. I turn and transform a place of misery. and pain and potentially suffering into. a place that becomes the launch pad of.

my life? And all of a sudden now you're. walking into work thinking, "Oh, this is. a launch pad. Oh, wait a minute. This is. a step. This is the place where I take. off from rather than, oh, this is a. place that's keeping me in prison." And. I think that's the switch that people. need to make because if you're always. looking for it outside of work, you're. only giving yourself two hours in the. evening, maybe an hour if you're lucky, after you've done the chores, put the. kids to bed, wash the dishes. So why not. use those 8 to nine hours to build. skills, to build confidence, to build.

security that you have available to you. Well, you know what else I hear? I hear. trust. Yes. Because I think a lot of. times, at least me personally, when I. felt very stuck, there was this intense. feeling like I was in the wrong place, which then creates resistance. And what. you just did is by saying, if I'm going. to spend 8 hours here, then I'm going to. get everything I can out of it because I. trust that by doing that, I'll actually. find the next thing. There's a beautiful.

book which talks about how really we. find our purpose through sampling. And. when I think of the word sampling, the. way I describe it as is collecting and. connecting. You are collecting stories, experiences, skills and ideas in every. job you work in. And one day after. collecting for many many years, you will. connect the dots of all of those. different skills of all of those.

different experiences. And that's when. everything falls into place. But if you. don't collect in the first place, there's nothing to connect. It's not. about finding and discovering something. It's collecting along the way. You're. collecting little jigsaw pieces and then. one day you spread them out and you put. them down and you start putting the. pieces out and they all fit and you go, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe they. connected." When I look back at my life. and I think I'm as much a consultant as. I am a monk as I am a media person, all. of those things are really valuable. parts of me. And it goes back to the.

point I was making earlier. I can't be a. nurse and a content creator. I can't be. this and that. Well, you can because. that is your superpower. Your superpower. is that you did what you did in the past. and what you do now. And by the way, you. already are those things. You already. are those things whether you like it or. not. And maybe. that's the whole point that you already. are those things which is why you feel. haunted when you are in a chapter in. your life that is over and it's time for. you to move toward the next thing that's.

already a part of you. And the reason. why you know it's already a part of you. is because you actually feel pulled to. make YouTube videos or pulled to go back. to graduate school or pulled to be in a. different relationship. And I think this. all goes back to college and school in. the sense that we were all forced to. think you had to pick one thing. Your. whole life you were trained to say, "I've got to pick one thing that I've. got to do for the rest of my life.". That's how you were trained. So when you. were young, you start narrowing down. your subjects. You get to college, you. pick a major, you focus in on one thing.

and you think you have to do that for. the rest of your life. And then you. start doing it for 3 years. And then 3. years into a new job, you go, I don't. want to do this anymore. This isn't what. it was meant to be. But your whole life. you were told you could only be one. thing. You had to pick one thing to. focus on. So that's why we're so. obsessed with this idea that my title. should have to be one thing. I should be. able to say I'm a lawyer. I'm an. accountant. I'm a doctor. I'm a nurse. I'm a teacher. I'm a mom. Whatever it. is, but I can't be three things. That's. complicated. But we've been forced to. believe that you are that title. You are.

a manager or by the way senior manager. and you feel better about it or. executive and you made to feel better. about it. But you're only allowed to be. that. You can't then be anything else. And so I love it when I see people in. their Instagram bios and people are. like, "I'm a mom first, but I'm an. executive second. I'm a this." Like, I. love it that people are playing with. that idea because that's the permission. we need. So Jay, what is the difference. between purpose and passion? And what do. we get wrong about it?

Passion is what brings you life. It's. what brings you joy. It's what makes you. feel like you're doing something. exciting and exhilarating and thrilling. So for me, it's studying and learning. and synthesizing. I could spend a. weekend in a cave of books and never get. out and make notes and study. That's one. of my greatest passions in life. Your. purpose is when you use your passion in. the service of others. If your passion. doesn't have a service element, if you.

don't use it to improve people's lives, if you don't use it to inform other. people, if you don't use it to make a. difference in someone's life, it's not a. purpose. So, let me give an example. If. you're a photographer and your favorite. passion in the world is photography. You. love finding unique locations. You love. capturing human emotion. You love. capturing memories for people. As soon. as you start doing it for others, it's a. purpose. There you have it. It's that. simple. It's not like you have to go on. a whole charity trail and start taking.

pictures and giving them out for free. When you start capturing moments and you. do it with that intent, it's a service. There's a beautiful study that I love. from Amy Versznooki and her team at the. Yale School of Management. So, they went. out in 2019 to research what they. believed was the most difficult job in. America. Any guesses, Mel? Um, psychologically or physically? They. Well, they they just went out to Yeah. to think what was the most difficult. job. Probably teacher. Yeah, that was.

that was up there. Or public servant. I. don't know. All up there. The the one. that they decided on was hospital. cleaner because they believe that these. people not only have to wash bed sheets, pillows, floors, toilets, plates, they. have to wash up after people pass away. So, it's a very heavy job. And also, you. just finished cleaning a toilet, you. leave, and now you got to run in and. clean it again. It's not as simple as. hey we did that once and it doesn't. happen anymore. So they went and. interviewed these hospital cleaners and. they asked them what they did and the. hospital cleaners said we believe we're.

lowkilled labor in their own words. We. wash toilets, plates, floors. They. carried on and they found this whole. group of hospital cleaners who didn't. call themselves cleaners. They called. themselves healers and carers. These healers worked the exact same. hours as the cleaners. They worked the. same shifts. They worked the same. hospitals. They got paid the same. amount. But they were happier, more. purposeful, and more productive. So they.

asked them, "Why do you call yourself. healers?" They said, and this blew my. mind. Like every time I I think about. this, it really makes me emotional. because it's so powerful. They said, "We. believe that a clean. hospital is integral to the healing. journey of a patient. We think that when. the hospital is clean, people have more. dignity at a time of difficulty. We. believe that when the hospital is clean. that people's families will spend more.

time with them. They'll actually. surround their bedside because it feels. like a clean atmosphere in their time of. need.". They said, "We believe that a clean. hospital is part of healing. So, how. could we see ourselves as anything. else?" What I love about that, Mel, is. that Amy Vznuski and her team came up. with the term called job crafting, which. means it's not what you do every day, it's how you feel about what you do.

every day that changes the experience of. it. It's not just what you do, it's not. even why you do it, it's how you feel. about it. How do you feel about what you. do? They all felt that what they did was. critical to healing and it transformed. their experience. And there's this. beautiful quote from Wayne Dyier that I. loved where he said, "When you change. the way you look at things, the things. you look at change." And I really. believe that that's what we're all being. called to do right now. When you're. feeling stuck, you might not be able to.

change what's around you. So change how. you view it. Change how you look at it. because all of a sudden everything. starts to change in your favor. That is. the single best definition of purpose. I've ever heard and it's accessible. And. I want to make sure that as you're. listening to Jay and you're spending. time together with us that you really. take away that definition because it's. even when you're stuck or even when. you've just got a lot going on, it's. very easy to identify the little things.

in your life that energize you. Whether. it's books like Jay or for me it's I. love gardening and flowers and I love. cooking. I love spending time with my. family. Uh I love making people smile. That brings me energy, right? I love. being outside. I love learning. And so. when you take those things that. naturally bring you energy and you do a. little bit more of it, it lifts you up. But then when you figure out ways to. extend those things that bring you. energy in service of.

others, now you're on the track of. discovering why you're here in the first. place. Yes. And aligning your life with. purpose. And so in that beautiful. example you just gave and thinking about. it energizes people to be like part of. something where you're caring for people. even in the hardest job in the world. That's why I use that example. Yes. because those individuals may not even. be passionate about cleaning, but they. found a way to think about it.

differently. That's why it touches my. heart so much because it's in such a. difficult space and environment. And to. your point, Mel, what you were just. saying, I was talking to one of my uh. team about this and she was talking to. me about how her mom didn't really know. what her purpose was. So, I asked her. what's her passion and she said her. favorite thing is to organize family. trips. And so now her mom has started. organizing family trips for not only her. family but the friends of her family and.

couples. And so she's a a retired mom at. this point in her life, but she loves. planning trips. She lives vicariously. through all of her kids and their. friends and grandkids and whoever else. it is. And that's what she does now. That's her purpose. Your purpose doesn't. need to be this big thing that you have. to go and change a million people's. lives or a billion people's lives. If. you can do that, that's beautiful. But. that's not what a purpose is. A purpose. is not defined by scale. It's not. defined by the amount of people you. reach. It's not defined by doing. something big. Your purpose doesn't have.

to be your job. It doesn't have to be. something you dream of doing every day. Your purpose is simply using your. passion in the service of others in the. smallest of ways, in the simplest of. ways. And it brings you so much joy. And. by the way, it also gives you validation. for something beautiful that you do. We. all want validation. We all seek it. And. I want to just normalize that because I. think people feel bad for wanting it. But we all need to feel wanted and. needed and loved. It's part of being. human. But the problem is when you.

become someone you don't want to be or. do something you don't want to do to get. validation. Whereas when you get. validated for using your passion in the. service of others, there's no greater. feeling than that. You know, I want to. give an example because I feel like one. of the mistakes that I made for a long. time when it came to quote discovering. my purpose is that I thought it was one. thing. and it's actually everything. Yes. And. so when we moved to southern Vermont and. I remember feeling very stuck and in a.

new chapter and isolated and needing to. like meet all new friends and build. community that I learned of this flower. farmer and her flowers were it was near. the end of the near the end of the. summer and into fall and frost was. coming and it's dalia and you need to. dig them up. I know I'm getting really. geeky on flowers and the frost was. starting to hit and it was an entire. field and they were all going to die and. I felt this like ache because flowers.

bring me energy. I don't know why. I. tracked down the person who was growing. the flowers to f and found out that they. had had a health issue. Mhm. And so I. organized a bunch of women that I had. recently met to help this person dig up. the tubers. That is an example that has. nothing to do with career. Yes. It has. nothing to do with my life's mission and. all the things I do for work. It is a.

small example. Yes. Of how I took. something that energized me and use that. energy that's authentic to me. Mhm. in. service of someone else. And that small. example is an example of how you can. infuse a sense of purpose in your. day-to-day life in really small but. deeply meaningful important ways. Yes. Yes. I love that. And it's so true. I'm.

thinking about Radhi. When Radhi first. moved with me to America, she couldn't. work here because she was on a spouse. visa. until we all got all that sorted. out. And Radhi wasn't always the writer. of a New York Times bestselling. cookbook. Like that's a very like recent. iteration of her life. Well, when we. became friends, Jay, so you know, like. you and I have been friends for a long. time and we are extremely supportive and. fond of one another. Our spouses know. each other. But when I first met you and. Rody, she had not launched this part of.

her life. Absolutely. No social media, no content. Yeah, exactly. And so. obviously we remember her like that. She. isn't like that to the world now. But I. remember when we moved to LA, Radhi would just be really sad when we'd. be driving around and see the homeless. situation. And she always loved cooking. Like she was always a fan of cooking. Since I've known her, she's been an. amazing cook. She would literally just. cook and deliver meals. She'd get. involved in food distribution programs. in the area. she'd go and find out and.

talk to communities of how she could. help before she made any content. She. was just out there doing that. And. that's what built her confidence in. being able to do it and being able to. deliver. And then even when someone said. to her, "Hey, would you cater?" She. said, "I don't want to do it as. catering." She loves cooking as an act. of love, as an act of service. If you. come over, she'd want to cook for you. because you're a friend. That's what she. enjoys. She wants to cook for people in. need. That's what she gets passion from. She doesn't actually want to be said, "Hey, can you make 20 meals of this?".

That's not actually what brings her joy. And so, you can see how it your purpose. doesn't have to be your job. Your. purpose doesn't have to be big. Your. purpose doesn't have to get you. followers. Your purpose doesn't need to. have social media. It doesn't need to. have any of those things. And actually, if you start without all of those. things, you'll build more confidence, more self-worth, and more joy that then, if you want to do any of those things, they'll happen naturally. they'll come. as a byproduct of that infectious energy. you feel and that I've seen Radhi feel.

Well, I want to come back to two themes. and highlight it. You know, one of the. things that you said is it's not about. imagining the thing out there. It's. about really stopping and listening and. reflecting on what Jay is sharing with. you about the fact that there's. something that's already bringing you. energy that when you do it, it it just. brings something out in you. Yes. and. then finding ways to do it in service of. others. So if you take the example of. your wife, she's focused on cooking as.

an act of love. It's always been a. creative expression. It naturally. energizes her. And so she use that to. lift herself up in a new chapter of her. life. She found a way to be of service. And the amazing thing about life is that. when you align yourself with the things. that naturally energize you and you. let's come to a second thing we've. talked about Jay. Trust that where you. are is somehow in service of where.

you're meant to. go. Follow the energy and follow how you. serve others and sharing that energy. And that is how you actually start. walking in the path that is meant for. you. And I just want to point out that. not only is she a New York Times. best-selling cookbook author, but the. name of the cookbook is Joy Full. Yes. As in FU L. Yes. Cuz you're full of her.

fabulous vegan cooking. And so she. didn't start cooking and serving people. in LA because she's like, I'm going to. write a cookbook one of these days. Exactly. She did it to lift herself up. at a moment in her life where she was. stuck. Yes. And where she was moving to. a new place. And so it's so important to. understand it's not the thing that. you're imagining. It's the energy in. you. And it's the ability to shift your.

mindset and trust that if you leverage. that positive energy in service of. others, it always always. always points you where you're meant to. go. Yes. And people will say to us, "But. I don't know what I like. I don't know. what gives me energy." I hear that a lot. today. You do? Yeah. Where it's like. people are just like, "I don't know what. gives me energy anymore. I'm kind of. numb to it." Like, but I think the point. is not to find this big bright light of. energy from something. It's this small.

tiny voice. It's been ignored for so. long that the way it shows up within us. isn't always this big loud scream. It's. this quiet little whisper that just. says, "Try this. Give it a go." It's not. this big calling. I think we we think. about callings and what we want to do is. this big bright light of information and. a sign. And signs are small. They're. whispers. They're quiet. And I think if. we just lean into that, it may just be. the little voice in your head that says,

"You love organizing birthdays. Why. don't you just organize a couple more. birthday parties this year?" "Oh, you're. really good at event planning. Why don't. you help your friend with their. wedding?" "Oh, you know what? You're. really, really good at writing. Why. don't you just write a quote every day?". Right? It's that little voice. So, just. follow the whisper. Do you think that. your life if you look backwards also. provides answers for what energizes you? Because I think it's a very important. point to validate that we are at a. moment in time where the research bears.

out that over 80% of us are living in a. state of chronic stress. Yes, the. feeling of being numb is very very. common right now and probably a sign. that you're actually mentally well. because there's so much chaos and. overwhelm and stuff. But so validating. that and even if somebody turns inward. and doesn't quite feel it, are there. other things that someone can do that. you would recommend to help access that.

if you're just at a point where you just. I am so spent I don't even know myself. anymore. Yes. I promise you and I really. mean this and I want everyone to really. internalize this as I say it. You are. already successful at something. It's. just so easy to you that you don't think. of it as success. There's something that. comes effortlessly to you. Maybe you. graduated college with flying colors. Maybe you take care of your kids in the. best way possible. Maybe you're just. incredible at showing up for your work.

colleagues. You already are extremely. incredibly successful at something, but. because it's easy for you and natural. for you, you don't think it's a skill. So look back at your life and look back. at all the things that you've done. beautifully. You showed up for your. friends at college. You helped your. colleagues through a tough time. You've. already been doing that. You just don't. know what that looks like because you. think that's what a good person does. And it is what a good person does. But. on top of that, it is value that you've. been adding all along the way. Look at.

the clues. Look at the footprints. Look. at the steps behind and don't take them. for granted. Most likely the things that. you don't value because they're simple. to you are the things that the world is. looking for. Radi's cooking skill is. something that comes really naturally to. her. She's worked on it, but it's. natural. She doesn't she didn't value. it. She didn't realize what a superpower. it was. So Jay, for the person who's. listening, who's now scanning their life and. thinking about what they're good at and.

they're coming up with. nothing, what is your. advice? Here's my number one piece of. advice. Pick three people from your. past. Could be a work colleague, a. family member, and a friend. These are. people that know you deeply that you. would say know me really, really well. Not don't go and do this with anyone. else. Do this with people that know you. really well. And just ask. them, "What's something that I do that. you always think of me?" When you're.

struggling with something, ask them, "What's something that I've done in the. past for you or for anyone around us. that made you go, "Wow, that's really. cool. That's that's amazing." And then. sit down and ask them when you're. struggling with something, what do I. help you do? What do I help you solve? All of a sudden, you get all this input. from the people that know you the best. because they see in you what you don't. see in yourself. We have to remember that the people that. know you and the people that love you,

they see in you what you don't see in. yourself. What you undervalue is what. they deeply value. What you take for. granted is what they see as greatness. What you kind of think is normal and. average, they adore about you. But. you've got to let them tell you that. You've got to let them remind you of. that because otherwise you'll keep. devaluing yourself. You know what's. interesting is that I remember um this. was like two years before I started the. podcast. I would literally listen I I.

still listen to your podcast, Jay, and. watch your videos and find so much. inspiration from you. I didn't realize I. kind of did that with you because I was. very stuck. I had reached a point where. I was so tired of being on planes and. doing the motivational speaking at. corporate events and even though I loved. it and I so wanted to get into the. podcasting space and I always know when. I want something because unlike you who. is a very like loving and positive.

person my signs show up as jealousy. I. don't have the monk version. I have the. Mel Robbins version of inspiration. It's. sort of in that like like agitation, right? And so you have this incredible. podcast and I literally felt so jealous. and excited for you, but jealous cuz. I'm she's doing it. That means I can't. do it. And you know I it's already done. and since he's already doing he does.

such a great job with on purpose and the. most perfect name and you know there's. but like you kind of see it in somebody. else and you literally said to me Mel. you know what you should be doing you. when are you going to launch a podcast. like you would destroy it and so you. reflected to me the thing that you saw. as the next thing that made the most. sense. And so I love that advice because. the people who do know you well can see.

the things that you don't see in. yourself or see the the the. possibilities that you are actively. holding yourself back from. Yeah. You. know, one of the things that you've said. that I also love is you said weak people. focus on others weaknesses, strong. people focus on their strengths. Can you. unpack that? Yeah, it actually perfectly. fits with what you just said. So, weak people notice other people's. mistakes and laugh. Strong people notice.

other people's mistakes and. learn. Weak people talk about other. people's problems to feel better. Strong. people talk about other people's. problems to become better. Weak people. gossip about others to build fake. connections. Strong. people express vulnerability to build. real ones. And this one's the kicker. that you were just talking about. Weak.

people envy people ahead of them. Strong. people study people ahead of them. And. the interesting thing is both people are. looking at the same thing, but they're. seeing different things because no one. is a weak or strong person. It's just. what you focus on. And that's what I. want people to realize. There's a. switch. The switch for envy is study. If. you're jealous of someone, if you're. envious of someone, study them. And I.

know we've had so many conversations. where we've both taught each other so. much stuff. You've always been so kind. to share so many insights and lessons. I. know I've done the same with you. That's. what we do. We study each other. And all. of a sudden that envy turns into. appreciation, admiration, just complete awe because. you're like, now I know what it takes. Right? I remember when I used to see. Cristiano Ronaldo, who I'm a huge fan. of, and I've been a fan of him ever. since he was 17 years old. And so I must.

have been like 14 or something like that. when I started following him. This is 20. years ago now. You're talking about more. than that. and you look at him and you. think, "Oh my god, like look how he. looks, look how he plays, everything. else." The moment you start studying his. routine, you realize what it actually. takes. Someone can sit there and envy. and jealous be jealous of his life, which is natural, by the way, and I. don't want to make that seem like a bad. thing, but you turn jealousy into study. You turn envy into study, and all of a.

sudden, it's your best friend. Envy can. be your best friend if you just replace. it for study. 100%. Yeah, I love that. And that's exactly what I did. The thing. that's interesting is that, you know, the reason why I wanted to highlight. that jealousy can be a useful tool. Yes. Jealousy for me is very different than. envy. Because when I would look at you, I would never envy you like you don't. deserve that. Jealousy for me is this. deep stirring. Because it's impossible.

to be jealous of something that's not. meant for you. Yes. And so I've never. been jealous of anybody who drives a. Lamborghini. I've never been jealous of. anybody that lives in a penthouse. apartment. I've never, you know what I'm. saying? Like I don't want those things. But there was something about the way. that you took something that energizes. you, learning, connection, purpose, and. you created a business that was in. service to others around the things that. energize you. And that's what was I.

think ultimately the thing that was. stirring something in me and it's a. super super useful tool. But the other. thing I wanted to validate is that the. second I said I'm going to walk toward. this thing. I'm going to figure this. out. I spent two years studying you. talking to you and that piece of of. allowing yourself and it goes back to. what you said about the. experiment. Learn, reflect. And part of. reflecting is experiment with.

something. I was a student for two. years. There's a reason why we came out. of the gate and launched two episodes a. week. It's because I learned from you. that if you do want to have a successful. show, you have to do at least that many. episodes. And so the learning part and. the studying others and allowing others. to lead the way and to show you and to. truly flip envy into learning from.

somebody that is worth a hundred million. dollar in your life to understand that. everybody that is out in the world right. now is somebody that you can learn from. It's just unbelievable. And so thank. you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing. that. And you know there's another quote. that you have that I absolutely love. Jay. We judge others by their actions. but ourselves by our intentions. What. does that mean? This is something that. actually my monk teachers used to repeat.

to us a lot. And it's a reality check. that's a bit of a punch in the. gut. So we judge ourselves by our. intentions and we judge other people by. their actions. So if we feel our intention was good, we. feel we're good people. But if someone. has a bad action, we feel they're bad. people. Whereas what we should be doing. is allowing other people to be judged. also for their intentions and their. actions. So, it's a plea, a proposal, a.

pledge to say before you judge someone, before you put someone in a box, please. learn what their intention was. Because. often you'll find that their intention. probably wasn't as malicious as you. think. It wasn't as manipulative as you. think. It wasn't as crazy as you think. It was the same as yours. They too had. good intentions. They also got into it. with good intentions. But we judge.

ourselves by our intentions. So we think. we're good people. And we judge other. people by their actions. And so we think. they're bad people. If I made a. mistake and you judge me for my action, all of a sudden you've labeled me. But. my intention was so pure and so genuine. I'll give you an example of something. that happened recently to me that I feel. really really applies to this. Mhm. And I was doing something with a friend. and we did a podcast together and I was.

traveling on the road or whatever and I. didn't post something about it and my. friend messaged me and was just feeling. really upset that I hadn't supported. them, that I hadn't noticed them, that I. hadn't recognized them and now we're. really good friends so they were able to. vocalize it to me, right? But if we. weren't, they would have immediately. judged and thought that I had some. ulterior motive or some agenda. And the. truth is, I'm so disconnected from my.

social media in the sense that I don't. post. I'm not there. I'm I'm on the. road. I try and stay off my phone for. most of the day. And all of a sudden, I. was thinking, wait a minute, if they. judge me for my action, it looks like I. don't care about them. It looks like I. don't value them. It looks like this. isn't important to me. But my intention. was, I love you. You're one of my. favorite people. I'm here to help you in. whatever way possible. And I just think. about the amount of friendships we'd. save, the amount of relationships we'd. save if we just learned to judge people.

for their intentions, not their actions. Do you have like a little trick? Cuz cuz. my like emotions and pettiness can just. flood me. Like I I've never had training. as a monk, Jay, so I would imagine like. your sort of engine doesn't rev as high. as mine, but it is so easy Yeah. to see. friends out Yeah. together and then. immediately judge them for their actions. that they're excluding you, that they. must be talking about you, that now.

they're closer than you are to them, that it means something, it means you. did something, and then of course you. respond to all of that emotion. We are. so fast to assume. Is there anything. that you do or that you recommend that. people do? Well, there's this thing, I. don't know if you've heard of it, it's. called the let them theory. Sorry, I had to I had to I was waiting. for you, which is really good. There's. let them and then let me in. And it and. it works perfectly, which I genuinely. believe it's amazing. Um but um to.

answer that your question, I'll be. honest with you. When it's people that I. know, I tell them. I really believe it's. important to tell people. I check in. with them. I ask them because if I know. you, our relationship, if our. relationship means I can't ask you the. question, then it's a weak. relationship. If I ask you the question. and we have a great conversation, now. our relationship is strengthened by it. We actually got closer. A hard. conversation should make you closer to.

the person. A hard conversation should. not make you further away from them. Say. that again, Jay. If you love someone and they say they. love you, a hard conversation should. bring you closer together. A hard. conversation should not push you away. from each other. If you're scared to. have a hard conversation with someone. you love, that means you're not that. close, dude. I think that's those are. the hardest people to talk to, though. Yeah, but that should be the easiest.

person to talk to because you should be. able to have a safe space to raise it. And so if I'm close to someone, if it. was me and you, I would call you up. And. I actually trust we'd have a great. conversation because of it. I know that. I actually believe that if we ever had. anything like that, which we haven't, and I would call you. But what I find is. if you can't call the person, I would. just think about this is the second part. of that statement. My monk teachers. would always say instead of judging. people by their.

actions, judge them by their intentions. and judge yourself by your actions, not. your intentions. Oh, think about all the. stupid things you've said, you've done, and got wrong. And all of a sudden, you. start to recognize, wait a minute, if. someone judged me for that, I'd feel. pretty bad about it. That doesn't define. me. That's not who I am. And all of a. sudden, when you have that reflection, it flips the entire statement. Wait a. minute. That can't be who I am. And. that's not who they are. Amazing. Here's.

another thing that you said recently, Jay, that I love. Someone out there. would love to live your worst day. What. does that mean? We're really quick to forget that the. day we're living today is a day we. dreamed of 10 years ago. Maybe not in a. complete picture. Maybe you have the. family you always wished for. Maybe.

you're on the career path that you've. worked really hard for. Maybe you're. sitting in the home that you couldn't. even have imagined living in. But. there's a part of your life that is. exactly the life that you wanted. Not. all of it, but there's a part of it. And. when you forget that, you lose out on. recognizing you're already living in the. dream and that you already have the. power to create that future dream. because you've already done it once. So,

you have to remember that where you are. today is what you wanted yesterday. And. what you want today, you can create. tomorrow because you've already done it. once. But we forget it so quickly. I. have to remind myself all the time, Mel. I was driving to one of. my friends homes the other day. Mhm. And. this is a friend that I used to grow up. watching on television, watching their. movies, listening to their music. And.

they have become one of my closest. friends in life. And I had to pinch. myself now. We've been friends for like. seven years. I had to pinch myself to be. like, do I know what I'm doing? Like can. I have to go back to being at the. beginning of that journey because. otherwise you can take anything for. granted. It's like you get to the top of. a mountain after a long hike and you. look at a view, you can get really. familiar and bored of that view really, really quick. Unless you recognize the. challenge it took, the steps you took,

the person you saw on the way up, you. have to sit there and remember all of. that. But the memory does this weird. thing where it just forgets it. As soon. as you achieve something, you forget how. you dreamt of achieving it. As soon as. you get somewhere, you forget how once. upon a time you couldn't even imagine. getting there. Where you are today is. what you wanted yesterday. And don't. forget how you got there because that's. the hidden secret of how you get to the.

next place. How do you use gratitude. to lift yourself up in a moment that is. extraordinarily difficult? You know, you're grieving, you're in the middle of. a breakup or a divorce, you've lost your. job. Is there a way to use gratitude to. lift yourself up when life just really. has knocked you down? When life's. knocked you down, it's hard to be. grateful for the good things in your.

life. And it's sometimes bad advice because. someone's just lost a marriage. Yes. Lost a family member, whatever it may. be. So, there's the time for grieving, of course. Absolutely. And that's the. mentally healthy response to have an. avalanche of emotions. But if you're. going to be grateful, you sometimes have. to do a counterintuitive practice. Instead of being grateful for what you. have, think about how your life would be. without something. I find that to be the.

greatest thing for gratitude. If I try. and be grateful for something that I've. had for a long time, I may get bored of. it. I may be familiar with it. But if I. ask myself, what would my life be. without that? Oh my gosh, all of a. sudden, I'm so grateful. What would my. life be without I Have you ever had it. where you just like hurt your little. finger or like get a little cut and now. you can't use a finger or you can't use. a thumb and all of a sudden you're like, "Oh my god, I'm so grateful for my hand. because what would my life be like.

without it?" This is the way we have to. trick our mind. Humans are better at. noticing something when it's about to go. away. We always hear the phrase, you. don't know what you've got until it's. gone. So, we have to use that in our. favor to think, not what do I have that. I'm so grateful for. What could I not. live without? That is life-changing. I've never actually thought about it. like that. I I was sitting there the. moment you said it and I thought, how. would I feel if Jay wasn't in my life. and I I I'm grateful for you, but the. second I I envisioned you, sorry, Jay,

evaporating and not knowing you as a. friend, it's like it 10xed it. And and. even even the example of, you know, you. said the finger, like I I I I was in the. hotel the other night and I was walking. to the bathroom, of course, as a 56-y. old woman at 3:00 in the morning and I. hit my toe on the bed frame. You ever. heard anything? You're like, and it. feels like you've ripped it off your. foot. It's amazing to me that my. experience of that is, you know,

screaming in agony and then thinking, how can something so little hurt so. much? And your reframe is imagine my. life without my foot and the gratitude. that floods you. I mean that's. incredible Jay. It's it really works. It. really works. It's so simple and you. know we can you can apply to small and. big things but even I was thinking as. you were saying friendship. I was. thinking about our friend Dave Hollis. Oh yeah. And you know it's I know you. spoke at his um funeral and and I sadly.

couldn't be there but as I'm thinking. about it I'm like I was grateful for. Dave. I actually had some really. beautiful interactions with Dave. I. really did. He was a wonderful man. But it's only when you sadly lose. someone that you really recognize, wait. a minute, I can't call them again. I'm. not going to get a call from him again. I'm not going to see him at our next get. together. And then all of a sudden, so. like do that while people are here. And. it's not a fear thing. It's a gratitude. thing, right? It's not like I'm living. in fear of what if I lose this person. You're asking yourself, what would my.

life be without this? Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I have it. I'm. so grateful I have it. I'm so lucky and. fortunate I get to have this. That's. what you're fueling your life with, not. with fear. I. really I I want to thank you for that. because especially that last part about. you can actually kind of do things out. of fear or you can have the fuel and the. energizing source of it be gratitude. And I'll give you an example, please. So, my dad is uh 80 years old and I.

think a lot about the fact that if I'm. lucky, I'm going to get 10 more, maybe. 15 more if I'm crazy lucky, uh holidays. with him, birthdays with him. And I. realize as I'm listening to you that. I've been coming from this sense of. fear because there's this sense like I. got to make the most of the time that I. have while I have the time. And I can. take what you just shared and say I am. so grateful that he's here. Yes. That I.

want to make use of the time that I have. while he's here. Which is a very. different energy to ground yourself in. You're so right. You're spot on. It's. it's this idea of having the full. picture. Talk more about that. What do. you mean? Yeah. And I want to approach. it from a really interesting take and it. comes from what we were talking about a. few seconds ago around comparison. So. Mel, there's only really apart from what.

we said about how to turn jealousy, which I love. There's really only one. way to overcome. comparison, and it's having the full. picture of the person you compare. yourself to. You've got to know what's. happening behind their perfect Instagram. posts. Do you know how many times they. cried themselves to sleep this week? Do. you know the argument they just had with. their mom last night? Do you know the. challenge they're going through with. their kids right now? Do you know about.

the family member who has an illness? All of a sudden, when you actually get. the full picture on someone's life, you. now don't compare yourself to them. because you realize no one's life is. perfect. They're just better at cropping. out the pain. They're just better at. editing out the parts that they don't. want you to see. But when you see what. someone's really going through, all of a. sudden you won't compare it anymore. because you recognize everyone's going.

through something difficult. Jay, another thing that you remind us all. that I just love is that bad times. reveal who the great people are in your. life. Do people show up for. you when you're going through a bad day? Are people present for your good days. but absent for your bad days? Do people turn up, call, check in when. things are going wrong? Does someone see. the best in you when you're your worst.

self? Does someone see the good in you. when you might be having a bad day? That. person is more special than anyone. you'll ever meet. So, keep them close. Don't run the risk of pushing them away, losing them, taking them for. granted because one day you'll wish that. they'll call and check. in and you might have lost them by then.

So the bad times in our. life genuinely show us the great people. because it's at that point that you're. hard to support, you're hard to love. You're hard to give energy to. It might. not be popular to be your friend. Which. what does that prove? It proves that. person values you more than popularity. It proves that person values you more. than their reputation. It proves that. that person values you more than all the.

stress. That is the most special person. you'll ever meet. And everyone has at. least one of them. But the problem is we. want attention from these people, so we. lose affection from these people. It's. so true. You're really good at that. You're really good at showing up for. your friends. It's because people have shown up for. me. That's the reality of it. I'm good. at showing up for people because people. have shown up for me. And it's not.

always the same people. That's the. mistake we make. We think that the. people we show up for should be the. people that show up back for us. Oh, say. more about that. So we believe that when. we show up for someone, yeah, they. should show up for us. We want people to. love us in the same way we love them. But people won't love you the way you. love them. And that's okay because. there's someone over here who's showing. up for you and you're missing out on. them. There's someone over here who's.

turning up for you, who's checking in on. you. I remember saying to my monk. teacher, I said, I feel like I give so. much love to others. I said, I feel like. I show up so much for other people, but. they don't show up for. me. What do I do? And he said, love is. like a circle. Whatever love you give. out will always come back to you, but it. might just not be from those people you. gave it to in the first place. But if. you spend your whole life wondering why.

that person doesn't give you love back, you're ignoring all these people over. here who give you love all the time. So. turn around. Look around you. There is. someone who's showing up for you, turning up for you, checking in with you. even when you don't acknowledge them. And start looking towards that person. and giving them some respect. I want to. dig deeper into that. Yeah, please. because. I feel like. relationships have become extremely.

transactional. If I check in on you, you. got to check in on me. That's the sign. that you care. And I love what you just. said that there are going to be times. where you show up for people and they're. not going to show up for you either. because they can't or they don't know. what's going on or they got other things. going on or they're not actually the. right person to support you right now. and them showing up feels more like a is. going to feel more like a burden. And so. maybe that's also spiritually speaking.

why they're not showing up. And I love. the fact that if you think about love. like a circle and you show up because. that's who you. are. And in those moments when you need. support, recognize that there actually. are people around you trying to support. you or that are capable of it if you. simply let them know that you need it. That's a completely different way to. think about things because we keep score. in relationships and that if I'm the one.

that's always reaching out to my. siblings that if they don't reach back. to me that it means they don't care. M. and sometimes it actually just. means that's not how they express their. love. Yes. And that the thing that. you're seeking from them actually is. going to come from a friend. And if. you're keeping score in your. relationships, you're actually the one. that's going to destroy them. Yes. Can. you like dig into that with me, J? Oh,

that's powerful, Mel. I I love what. you're saying and and it's and so true. It's uh the first thing we have to ask. ourself is did I show up for you for you. or did I show up for you for me? What do. you mean? If I'm showing up for you for. you, then I don't need you to show up. back for me. But if I showed up to prove. to you that I showed up, now I need you. to show up back for me to prove to me. that I did the right thing. It's almost. like an insecurity of like I'm doing it.

because I expect you to do it back, which is what you said at the beginning. It's. transactional. If I do something for you. and I don't expect anything back, that's. called love. If I do something for you. and I expect it back, that's called a. transaction. That's business. That's a. contract. I don't want to have a. contract with someone I love. So, why. would I be measuring them based on how. they do the exact same thing back for. me? If you think about that, let's say,

Mel, I organized your birthday party. because I love organizing birthday. parties. Does that mean you have to. organize my birthday party to show me. you love me equally? What if you didn't. organize my birthday party, but you. called me when I had a really tough day. at work and you checked in with me and. gave me some great wisdom and insight? Is that equal? Or actually, do I see. that as not equal because you didn't. spend seven days or seven months. planning an event for me? Now, are we. counting time or are we measuring.

emotion? How do you value two? I can't. value you based on the hours you put. into our friendship. Let's say that I. was struggling something and you sent me. a text. But when you were struggling, I. called you up. Does that mean I care. more about you or was that text just. perfect for what I needed? We're. measuring these very immeasurable. things. Are we counting days, hours, months, emotions, laughs? What are you. going to keep a score on? And so I think. we're keeping a score on things that you. can't measure. And this is one of the.

limits I have with the love. languages. I actually don't want you to. love me the way I want to be loved. Wait, what do you mean by that? I. believe that if I want you to love me. exactly the way I want to be loved, I'm. actually limiting how much you can love. me because you have something to offer. me that is different to what I even know. I can receive. So, if I say to you, Mel, the only way you can show me love is. gifts because that's what blows my mind.

That's great. I do like gifts. But guess. what? What if your best way to offer. love is acts of service? What if your. best way of love is quality time? Now, I'm going to miss out on the greatness. you have to offer me because I'm going. to say, "I only want you to give me. this." What if you wanted to give me the. world and I said, "Just give me a gift.". So I'm limiting I'm limiting how much. love So when love matures I think when. love is young it's a great principle but.

when love. matures I want I and by the way me and. Radi have been through this when I met. Radhi I was that guy so I love gifts and. I had to do a lot of unpacking as to why. I love gifts. Why do you love gifts? It's because my mom couldn't always be. there for me on my birthday. We couldn't. spend quality time. She was working. She. was the bread winner. But she always got. me that one gift. I'd come home and the. Power Ranger would be wrapped up there. and I'd unwrap it and I'd have so much. joy. So when I met Radhi, Radhi comes. from a family where quality time is the. gift. They don't really give each other.

gifts, which to me when I first met her, I was like, "This is bizarre." Like what. is wrong with all of you? And I wanted, this is ridiculous, but I remember the. new iPad mini was out, and I'd kind of. hinted to her that I wanted this iPad. mini. Anyway, I unwrapped my gift on my. birthday, and it's an Asus. I was like, "I wanted an iPad mini. Who gets someone. at Aces?". And and and it sounds ridiculous, but. I'm telling it because of how how. ridiculous we can be. And she literally.

said to me, she was like, "Oh, no, but I. asked my family and they said, "This. one's got better specs and it's actually. better than the iPad and it's better. resolution." I was like, "But I wanted. the iPad." And I'm telling this story. because Radhi and me learned as our. relationship developed that Radhi had so. many beautiful ways to show me love and. she turned up in so many amazing ways, but I would ignore all of them because I. didn't get a gift on my birthday or the. gift I wanted on my birthday. And I. think so many of us are ignoring the.

amazing ways our partners, our kids, our. parents show up for us because they. don't show up in exactly the way we. want. And here's the point. No one will. ever love you exactly how you want. because that's your job and that's God's. job. We will wish, wait, want every single. week, month, and year for someone to. love us in a particular exact way. And.

they will always fail us because that. was your job. It was never theirs in the. first place. That was God's job. It was. never theirs in the first place. So, open yourself up to the limitless love. that people show up. Maybe your partner. makes you coffee in the morning. Maybe. they're the ones that make the bed. Maybe they're the one when you're on the. road to check in with you and order. something to your hotel room. Maybe. they're the one that reminds you that. you forgot your glasses or your wallet. Maybe they're the one that remembers to. put the dishes away. Whatever it is,

they're doing something and it's love. They may not say I love you. It may not. look like I love you, but it is. And by. the way, when you tell them, "Hey, you. didn't get me this one thing or you. didn't say this one thing," they're. thinking, "How did you miss all of the. other things?" And guess what? You. discourage them from loving you. You. don't encourage someone to love you by. telling them you're disappointed. No. one's going to give you more because you. made them feel bad. People love you more. when they see you noticed all the little.

things they did and all of a sudden they. feel inspired to give you more. Jay, um it it it. um it really. um as I was listening to you, I was. first of all thinking about what an. I am in my marriage. So, thanks. a lot. Um we love you, Chris. Um because I so saw myself, right? And. me, too, by the way. Yeah. And then.

something extraordinary. uh happened as I was listening to you. And that. is what a shame that most of us are so. busy looking for the one way we expect. to be loved that we miss all of the love. that is around us and available to us. that we don't let in. And what an.

opportunity to have a shift. and. really change the way that you see life, you see relationships, and what you open. yourself up to. If there's one thing. from that perspective and what you. learned about yourself and what you. learned about what's possible that being. loved the way you want to be loved is. your job. It's God's job. It's the.

universe's job. It's not somebody else's. job. And I would say learning how to. allow. in other people's expression of love is. a huge opportunity for you. Whether it's. your friends, whether it's your. parents, whether it's, you know, your. kids, your partner, everybody. Like, how. do you do that? Especially if you've. been a first class like me and. you've just been like, "You didn't do it.

this way and I thought you like nobody. texted me on the thing and nobody. checked in on like we're so focused on. what's not happening that you're. blocking what actually is and then you. just keep preventing. it from being an experience that's. available to you right now. Yeah, thank. you for sharing that. And by the way, I. feel the same way too. I I it took me so. many years of unpacking to understand. why I was so fixated. But um the way I. think about it is the person that texts.

you when they don't want. anything, don't forget that person. The. person who calls you when they don't. need anything, don't forget that person. The person who comes over and swings by. just a chat, even when you're busy, don't forget that person. The person who. walks in and remembered that you had. something happening at work or something. happening in your home or something.

happening in your life. Don't forget. that person. We do it by starting to. recognize those people in our. life that are not big and crazy, but. they're consistent. The consistent. people in our life are the people that. have forgotten. The people who've become. like furniture, the people who've become. so familiar, but guess what? They were. the people that texted you when they. needed nothing. They're the people that. called you when they wanted nothing. They're the people that checked in with.

you with no transaction required. Take a moment to just think of that. person and message them now and don't. ask for anything. Just tell them. Tell. them how you feel. Message them and say, "Thank you so much for showing up for me. when you didn't want anything in return. Thank you so much for checking in with. me when you got nothing out of it.". Acknowledge them for that because we. have to start noticing it. We have to. start noticing it. It's so easy. And. this is why I have this habit that.

whenever I think of someone, I send them. a message. Whatever my thought may be, I'll send them a message. And the. message will just say, "Thinking of you, Mel. Sending you lots of love." And I do. it all the time. The amount of times in. the last month that that person has. responded to me immediately and said, "I. was just talking about you. I was just. thinking about you. Oh my gosh, I was. just sharing something you put online or. shared on Instagram or whatever it may. have been. The amount of times that's.

happened is truly blowing my mind. And. I've realized because, you know, we all. have this sense. You and I, all of us, everyone who's listening and watching. right now has this intuition when. someone needs us, but we're scared. We're scared to message with no reason. We're scared we might be disrupting. someone or they're too busy. We're. scared. But no, no, no. That's what that. person wants. That person wants you to. just send love when they're busy. That. person wants you to say hello when.

they're having a crazy day because guess. what? You're the only person doing that. Everyone else is asking for something or. want something from. them. The best time to message someone. is when you don't want anything. You. actually talk about this a lot online, the power of calling somebody, the power. of texting somebody, and how much we. underestimate this small action. And you. also said that we have this amazing. sense to sense when somebody needs you. And what I. would ask us all to consider is that the.

people that you care about always need. you. Mhm. And that. check-in. is you doing something that we all need, which is this small act of loving. somebody and seeing them and just. saying, you know, I have you in mind. You know, one of the reasons why I. always tell the person who's listening. that I love them is because I think we. just vastly inflate what that word. actually means. And to me, when you look.

at the word love, it's two things. It's. you admire something in someone else, some quality, some characteristic, something about them, and you consider. them. You have them in mind. And if you. admire somebody, something about their. values, something about how they show up. in life, something about who they are, what they mean to you, and you have them. in mind, to your point, sending a text. just to say, "I was just thinking about. you're making somebody a cup of coffee. with the cashew milk because that's what.

they care about." That's actually an act. of love. It is. And if we go all the way. back to the janitors in the hospital who. say that they are healers because they. believe that having a clean space for. families to gather, for people to heal. is a sacred thing to do for the healing. process. Then. you are demonstrating an act of love. How do you think about love? How do I. think about love? Such a beautiful and.

big question because I feel like, you. know, we're coming out of this. conversation about how we block it. Yeah. Because we're expecting it to be. expressed in a certain way. Yeah. And. that it is all around you. Yeah. And. you're a person in my life that you show. up that way. I mean, there's what you. do. Yeah. Yeah. which is your job and. the things that you are doing. that is in service of the world but it's.

not who you. are and my experience of you is somebody. who is the expression of love. Thank. you. You're so sweet. That touches my. heart. Um I think what you just said there is. even more interesting about blocking. love. If you still. see your mom. calling, that's a. blessing. If you still see your dad's.

name on your. phone, sending you a text, that's a. blessing. 10 years from now, you're not. going to remember the meeting you were. in. 20 years from now, you're not going. to remember the task you were. doing. That's how we block love. We block love because when it's coming. in, when it's coming freely, when it's. coming. unlimitedly, we don't know how to hold. on to it. There's this beautiful poem. from India that says when God wants to.

give us. something, how much can these two little. hands hold on. to? And when things are taken away from. us, how much can these two little hands. hold on to? And it's this beautiful idea of God's. everflowing love that's unlimitedly. there and we can just try to catch and. hold whatever we can. And at the same. time in when something's going.

away, there's an insignificance that we. have where we can't hold on to it. anymore. So what do we do? We pick up. the call. We return it. We message back. We don't block it by saying, "Oh, they. just keep connecting. Oh, that person. just keeps calling or that person just. the amount of people that are blocking. love because they're thinking that. person's needy or that person's. desperate or that person's not cool.

enough to be my friend or that person's. not interesting enough to be my friend.". I know so many people today that are. leaving friendships and relationships. behind because the person's not cool. enough, smart enough, talented enough, whatever it is. Because when someone. shows and wears their heart on their. sleeve, we see that as a. weakness. We believe that love is. chasing someone rather than wanting. someone who never wants to leave. M we.

would rather chase, pursue and court. someone because we believe that love has. to be earned rather than receive it. freely from all of these people around. us who are giving it to us unlimitedly. because we think that love is valuable. if it's rare. We believe that love is. valuable if it's given in small doses. If someone's holding it back a little, it feels like power. And that feels like.

love to us. But that's not love. It's. control. That's not love. It's. manipulation. That's not a partnership. It's ownership. So if you're looking for. a relationship, love should just flow. freely. Love is not measured. It's not. calculated. It's not counted. It's not. some algorithm. It's not a number. It's. completely a free flowing energetic. force. And it is in your life. It is. flowing within you. You are made of it. You actually made of it and it is.

flowing freely within you to you at all. times. It's why you are. alive. But if you block it, it's like. when the sun's out and you turn the. blinds down. The sun is freely showering. its rays onto every single home. The sun. does not discriminate. The sun will. freely give its sun to everyone. But if. you put the shades down, you're blocking. it. Don't do that. There's so many. people that feel isolated and lonely,

Jay. Um, if somebody's listening and. they're like, "The shades are down, Jay, and there aren't people in my life.". What is one thing somebody can do that. recognizes that the shades are drawn for. whatever reason? How do you start to. crank it back up and let all of that. that is available to you, friendship, love, connection, possibility, hope, all. of it. What's one thing that somebody. could do? Be that person. Be the person.

to text someone love. Be the person to. call in and check in on someone even if. they don't check in on you. Be the. person who goes and helps someone with. their groceries because they need it. Be. the person who goes and gives love to. others even if they're not feeling it. back. Because that's the beautiful thing. about love. Love is not only experienced. in receiving. It's experienced in. giving. That's the most phenomenal thing. about love is that when you're giving. someone something special, you feel love.

just as much as they do. Sometimes we. feel it even more than when we're. receiving something. Right? There's this. feeling of when you've done something. for someone you love, there's a joy in. it. You think about it. You said you. love gardening. Gardening is the best. analogy for. this. There is no rose in the world that. grows the day you plant the seed. There. is no plant in the world that grows the. day you plant the seed.

It takes months, sometimes even years. for a tree to have a beautiful fruit or. a beautiful flower. And it takes a. particular season. Now, if you planted. that seed and said, "Why don't I have a. fruit today?" It wouldn't make sense. I'd look at you like you're crazy. But. that's what we do in love. We plant the. seed today and we want the fruit, the. flower, and the shade today. And the deepest form of love is.

something that Emerson said, plant trees. under whose shade you do not plan to. sit. And that's what you do. You are. helping so many people that you probably. don't even know. Hopefully, they'll get. to meet you one day and tell you, Mel, I. really hope that you get to hear it. But. there'll be so many people who never do. But you're not doing it for that. You're. doing it because you're happy for trees. to just exist so that other people can. get fruits and flowers and shade. So. let's not sit here and plant the seed.

today and expect to eat the fruit today. It doesn't work that way. Plant the seed. and keep planting the seeds and you will. find decades from now there will be. someone who comes to you 25 years from. now and says you did this one thing. I. love calling my teachers. I love calling. old teachers. is I'm really good friends. with all the schools I went to. I love. calling professors, teachers, talking. about them in interviews, making them. feel really embarrassed and just saying. how much they changed my life and how. much I love them because I don't think.

they knew that then. At that time, I was. just a teenager who had teenage issues. and didn't care about teachers and. probably, you know, whatever. I was just. a kid. Now, when I look back, I'm like, that teacher changed my life. Let me. tell them. And that's a seed that they. planted all those years ago. So live for that, you know, let's live. for that. Let's not live for this. instant immediate love. Who is a teacher. from when you were little? Oh gosh, there's a couple. So there's two that. come to mind as soon as you say that.

One is Mr. Buckeridge who was my art. teacher and I loved art at school. And. actually my when I was 11 years old, my. favorite subject was math and my least. favorite subject was art. And when I. went to high school, my favorite subject. was art and my least favorite subject. was math. And art I fell in love with. because of this teacher. There was. something beautiful he taught me. And I. really owe this to him. Every time I. presented a piece of work, he'd say to. me, "Why did you do. it?" And at that time, I didn't have an.

answer. I just did it because it looked. good. It looked cool. My answer was that. basic. Yeah, they look good together. The colors match. Oh, this looks cool. It looks trendy. And he'd never be. satisfied with that. He'd say, 'Why did. you do it? And he kept asking me that. And in the beginning, it would annoy me. It would annoy me so much. It'd be like, "God, come on. It looks good. Who cares? Just give me an A. Like, you like the. look of it." He loved how it looked, but. he wouldn't he wasn't satisfied with. that. Say, why? I believe he's the. reason I became such an intentional.

person. Because he didn't allow me to. place one color or dot or shape next to. something else if I could not explain. why. So today, if you come to my home, you come to my space, everything from. the moment I wake up to what I see to. which book is by my bedside to what. quote is next to my work desk, everything is meticulously intentionally. planned out because he never allowed me. space to just do something because it. looked good. And that is the biggest.

gift he's given me because my life is so. intentional. And he gave me that. He was. an art teacher. I didn't know that at 11. to 18 when he was my teacher, but I look. back and I know it now. Oh my god, you're making me think of a teacher that. I wish was still with us. Uh he was my. uh middle school and high school math. teacher. I loved math. Mr. Core, Glenn. Core. He was a military guy, so he had a. crew cut and he always wore those like. short sleeve collared shirts and he had.

the protector and the glasses and the. whole thing. And God, did I love math. And he would always call people up to. solve problems on the chalkboard. And I. can I can I can feel him like handing. the chalk to me, right? And so he would. like solve the chalk things and then. he'd coach you through it and then we'd. talk about the problems. But he had this. thing that he would do where if somebody. started to struggle or get frustrated or. feel really stupid, he would turn to the.

class and say, "What do I always say?". And we would all recite back, "Perseverance wins." And he would take. his chalk and he would write in all. caps, "Perseverance wins." And they would. underline it. And then we like. exclamation exclamation. And it's true. It like seeped into my pores. And I. think more than anything. else that I yes planted. seeds but just kept going. That.

perseverance wins part of just don't. quit. Like that's part of it is just. you're always if you open yourself up. to learning, to. experimenting, to all of the abundance. that is available to you out there. Yeah. eventually it comes. I love that. I love that. And everyone should do. that. Everyone should reach out to a. teacher if they can, if that person's. still alive and just tell them, send.

them an email, drop them a Facebook. message, DM or whatever, access, call. the school if you have to. Like it will. just, it creates that energy in our. life. Yes. Of gratitude and valuing. people and appreciation. And it will. come back. I promise you will come back. You could share this episode, this. conversation with people that you care. about and tell them how much this. conversation made you think of them and. realize how much you love them. Like. what a beautiful thing. You know, another beautiful thing, Jay, is that I.

know that as you're listening and as. you've spent all this time together with. Jay and I today, you're thinking, "God, I wish I could meet Jay." And you're. going on tour. I am so excited. Tell me. about it. I've never ever So, I went on. a world tour two years ago, but that was. for a book. But that was for a book, right? This is the first time ever that. we're taking the OnPurpose podcast on. tour. And I promise you, the insights. that we're going to share, the wisdom.

that's going to be shared on this tour. has not been shared in any book, on any. podcast. It's so fresh. And you're going. to get to see, the best part about it is. you're going to get to see me and my. friends, people that I know deeply on. stage, 15 guests in 15 cities, different. guests, just have a real conversation. like this. And the best part for your. audience is you have kindly agreed in. the craziest schedule of all time to be.

my guest in Boston. That's right. Wang. Theater, where we're at right now, the. Wang Theater. I can't. You better get. tickets because they're going to be. gone. Like they're probably already gone. by the time you hear this. Yeah, it's. amazing. So. jshetted.me/tour. We're doing 15 cities. across North America to start. Uh you're. so excited about it. Why I am? Because. Mel, you know, having this incredible. podcast, there's an. intimacy that you have with your.

listeners because we know that everyone. who's listening right now listens every. day, every week, all year round. The. connection I feel to my on purpose. community is so deep because it's all. year round. It's not the same as anything else. We're in people's. ears every single day, every single. week. Now, imagine this person's usually. on a hike. All of you that are. listening, you're on a hike, you're.

cooking, you're in the car, commuting to. work, you're maybe at work, you're at. the gym, you're walking your dog. Yeah. Now, we get to be in the same place at. the same time in person. And on top of. that, you're now surrounded by people. who do the same thing as you. So my. favorite thing is not even just what. we're going to do on stage. It's the. fact that people are going to walk out. there as friends. People are going to. walk out there connected to people that. they've maybe never met. I think people.

going to walk out there with a future. wife or husband or partner because that. person is doing the same thing you're. doing. The collective consciousness of a. space like that is unheard of. There's. very few places that people gather today. with the same exact intention in person. It used to be there. It doesn't exist. anymore. You go to a coffee shop, everyone's there for different reasons. Someone's working, someone's wasting. some time, someone's starting the day, someone's ending their day. There's not.

a collective consciousness. You go to an. office, some people are working from. home, some people work from there. Some. people are there to pay the bills. Some. people are there because they're. excited. Different consciousness. Everyone who listens to the Mel Robbins. podcast or to on purpose is committed to. learning, listening, and growing and. commit committed to health, happiness, and. healing. The energy in that. room, there's no other place you can go. to that feels that way. It doesn't.

exist. It's really, really special. That's why I'm so excited because. collective consciousness doesn't work. like that anymore. You know, in the. past, there's something beautiful that. I'm writing about for my next book. It's. called the third space theory. This idea. that a few decades ago, we all had three. spaces that we lived in. One was home, one was work, and one was.

church. There was a place that you. called home where you felt very safe and. comfortable. There was a place that you. called work which was very productive. and effective and then there was a place. that gave you the vision to reflect back. on who you were at home and who you were. at work and how you could be better. Slowly as time went on that third space. disappeared. So we had home and we had. work because of the pandemic. Work. disappeared. So now we only have home.

So at home, we eat where we're meant to. sleep, we sleep where we're meant to. work, and we work where we're meant to. eat. The energy of home has become so. complicated that we don't know how to. find a productive energy, how to find a. connected energy, how to find a safe, calm energy. We've lost that. Podcasts. are the new third space. That's where. people are gathering. But what if we can. turn that into a place, a physical space.

where you can gather, where people come. to listen, learn, to reflect back on. their life, to want to be better, to. support each other. And so there's such. a need for us to to do these things. And. I'm so glad you're on going on tour. People can come and see you as well. It's just it's it's so needed right now. I love how you just laid that out. It's. true. It's like the three legs of the. stool. Two of them are gone. Yeah, it's. why everybody's so wobbly and trying to. find their balance. And you know, I'm. also excited because when you have these.

conversations, I always think about that. I'm taking a walk with you as you're. listening and that today we have invited. my dear friend Jay Shetty on this. metaphorical walk together on the road. of life. And you know, I was curious, Jay, you've shared so much. you've. poured into us with such just grace and. wisdom and you know I I knew this was. going to be.

extraordinary. I am just blown away. by the impact that this will make in the. person's life who's listening. The. impact it's made in my life. how it has. truly brought us closer. Um, I'm so. excited for all the things that you're. working. on. If there was one thing that you want. the person who's listening to do, uh,

just one thing, the most important thing. to really focus on coming out of just. how. generous you have been with all of us. Mhm. What is the one thing today? The one thing is if you're feeling. stuck, I want you to ask yourself one. question. Life can either be a. school, a.

hospital, a movie, or a. mountain. Ask. yourself, if life feels like a school. right now, what do I need to learn? Because the same lessons will keep. repeating until we learn them. If you're. feeling like you're caught in a spiral. of the same thing after the same thing, life is trying to teach you something, go to the school of. life. Sometimes life feels like a. hospital. There's something to heal. If.

you feel in. pain, if you feel held back, if you feel. like you're not strong enough yet to go. out there and go after something, ask. yourself, what do I need to heal? And. start. healing. Sometimes life feels like a. movie. Everything's kind of going in a. great. direction. Pause and ask yourself, what. do I need to experience? Because this experience will also. dissipate and. disappear. Let me really experience it.

And finally, for those who are already. on their path, life can feel like a. mountain. Ask yourself, what do I need. to climb? What skill do I need to learn. to climb better? You're stuck because. you haven't figured out whether life is. a school, a hospital, a movie, or a. mountain. And as soon as you see the. patterns, are you being questioned again. and again to learn something? Are you. being challenged again and again to. learn something? Are you just feeling so much pain that. you can't even bear the burden to move.

forward? Then it's all about. healing. Are you living at the top of. the world, but time feels like it's. moving too fast? Immerse in that. experience. And if you're building right. now, build that skill so you can climb. higher and faster. You know, as you're listening, I want to. point out something that just happened. You probably saw it if you're watching. on YouTube. As Jay just shared that with. you, what has been a wildly dreary and.

ugly day here in Boston shifted and. sunlight came streaming in and lit you. up like a spotlight from. above. Did you feel that? You know what? You're more present than I am. I was so. locked in. I I didn't feel it until you. said it and I looked over and I'm like, "Wow." Shows how present you are. That's. beautiful. I love that. Well, I took the. I was hanging on every word and I. realized I'm in the movie and I really.

want to be present and experience it. Jay Shetty, what are your parting words, my friend? My parting words, I'm so. grateful to you, Mel. You know, I'm so. grateful to you. because you've just done this for so. many years and given your heart and you. are receiving everything that you. deserve. Everything that you're getting, you deserve so deeply. And it is so. beautiful to witness your friends being.

honored and being adored and being loved. because there's a sense that I know we. both always. have. that to shift the. world, it's going to take a lot of us. and we're going to have to work. together. And what I love about you is. that you are always spotlighting your. friends. You're always showing up for. your friends. You're always supporting. your friends behind the scenes and on. camera. And I'm just so grateful that.

you made time for me today. I always say. to people, "My public life is amazing, but my private life is better." And my. private life is better because of people. like you because we get to have genuine. relationships, sincere, deep, real. relationships for years offline. And. they support everything online. Mhm. If. someone's online life is better than. their offline life, that's a really hard. place to live. And I'm so grateful that. because of friends like you, I get to. say the opposite. Well, Jay, I think when things feel.

dark, the job in life is to glow. And uh. you've definitely taught me how to do. that. Thank you. I want to give you a. big hug. I want to give you a big hug, too. I love you. I love you, too. Really, really love you. Yeah. And and. thank you to all of you as well. like. just. uh all of you that are listening and. watching right. now, you're already on the path. The. fact that you're listening to Mel, this. is the path. You don't have to start. something new. You don't have to.

suddenly figure it out. You are figuring. it out. That's why you're here. So, please feel encouraged and fueled and. connected knowing that you've already. committed. You're already showing up for. yourself. You've already invested in. yourself. The fact that you're here. proves that you're already living the. world that you want to live in. So don't. feel like you've got to start something, figure it out, like that you're stuck. You're already not stuck. You're already. moving. If you were stuck, you wouldn't. be here. See that as building momentum. and uh keep showing up. Jay, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. I also want to. thank you for listening and watching all. the way to the end. And um what I'm. really excited about is I agree with you. Jay that you're already moving in the. right direction. And everything that Jay. poured into you and into me today as the. sun is even getting brighter in here in. our studios in Boston is how you turn on. that switch and you actually tap into. not only the light that's inside you, but you also we talked a lot about.

receiving. That is a skill that I had to. learn. And when you focus on noticing. what's around you and allowing it in, you will feel more more loved. You will. feel better. I just so believe that. And. I wanted to tell you in case no one else. does that I love you and I believe in. you and I believe in your ability to. create a better life. And there is no. doubt in my mind that based on. everything that Jay just poured into. you, you actually will. All righty. I'll.

see you in a few days. I'll be waiting. to welcome you in to the very next. episode. the moment you hit play. I'll. see you there. You're definitely going. to love this one, and I'm going to be. waiting to welcome you into it the. moment you hit play. I'll see you there.